#i do not enjoy wearing it much less looking at it and i dont feel like its too uppity for me because i definitely didnt save a bunch of | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

valkyriexo · 4 months

Note

VAL!

You are already one of my favorite writers. I really love your work so much ( I'm lying I'm obsessed i visit your page every day). I was wondering if you can write something for a plus-size reader? (if your comfortable if not I totally understand) Your feeling insecure about your appearance but your boyfriend Hyunjin wants to go to the beach. When at the beach maybe some people dont find you pretty or dont think you should be with him? and hyunjin comforts you and makes you feel special and good (and maybe a little spice 😉) idk i think it would be fluffy and cute.

At the Beach | Hyunjin

ᑉ³pairing; Hyunjin x plus sized!Reader

ᑉ³genre; Fluff, comfort , Suggestive MDNI

ᑉ³warnings; contains insecurity, online hate, and hurt/comfort, Mentions of weight, mentions of food, mentions of hate, kissing, fingering minors do NOT interact

ᑉ³Authors Note; might be a hard topic for some, please read at your own discretion. Thank you for your request :) i hope you enjoy it!

As the sun peeked over the horizon, painting the sky with shades of pink and gold, Hyunjin's excitement was palpable. He had carefully planned a special day for the two of you, packing a picnic basket filled with your favorite snacks, a cozy blanket, and an array of paints and canvases.

"Don't forget your sunscreen!" He said popping his head in through your door. " It's going to be sunny all day." He flashed a bright smile before darting off. You could hear him him the living room testing the portable speaker.

Meanwhile, as you stood before the mirror, doubts crept into your mind. Your reflection seemed to magnify every insecurity, every curve that society deemed less than perfect. Your gaze lingered on the parts of yourself you wished you could change, the parts that whispered cruel lies about your worth. The thought of baring yourself on the beach filled you with dread, but you couldn't bear to dampen Hyunjin's excitement. So, with a tentative smile hiding your fears, you agreed to go, hoping the sea breeze would wash away your worries.

A moment later, he reappeared, holding a hat. "Here, wear this. It'll keep the sun out of your eyes," he said, placing the hat gently on your head. "Looks good on you," he added with a wink.

You forced a smile, trying to match his enthusiasm. "Thanks, Jinnie."

He beamed at you, his joy almost tangible. "I think we're all set! Are you ready?"

Taking a deep breath, you nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."

With everything packed, the two of you headed out to the car. The drive to the beach was filled with Hyunjin's cheerful chatter and your shared laughter. He played your favorite songs on the radio, singing along dramatically, trying to coax you into joining him. His antics eventually drew a genuine smile from you, easing some of the tension you had felt earlier.

As you arrived at the beach, the sunlight danced on the waves and the sight of the sparkling waves and the gentle hum of the ocean began to soothe your nerves. Taking a deep breath, you followed Hyunjin onto the soft sand, the warmth seeping into your toes with each step, nerves fluttering in your stomach.

As you ventured further onto the sand, Hyunjin's excitement bubbled over as he guided you toward a spot he had already chosen. With practiced ease, he began setting up the tent, its billowing fabric providing shelter from the intense sunlight, and a makeshift painting station, carefully arranging his canvases and paints while you watched.

With the tent secured in place, he beckoned you over with a smile, inviting you to join him beneath it. The soft rustle of the fabric and the gentle lapping of the waves provided a soothing soundtrack as you settled in beside him, the warmth of the sun tempered by the cool shade.

"How about we go for a swim first?" he suggested, his voice filled with enthusiasm as he snuggled a little closer to you . "The water looks so inviting..."

You hesitated, a flicker of uncertainty crossing your face. The thought of exposing yourself in a swimsuit still stirred up feelings of insecurity. "Um, maybe later," you replied, trying to mask your apprehension. " I'm still a little cold."

"Okay, how about we paint first then?" he suggested with a warm smile. "We can capture this beautiful view while we relax."

You accepted the brush with a grateful nod, feeling more at ease with his compassionate approach. As you began to paint, the worries that had been nagging at you gradually melted away. You found yourself increasingly immersed in the joy of painting and the peacefulness of the beach.

You smiled, feeling a flutter of affection in your chest. "What are you painting?" you asked, leaning in closer to try to get a better look at his canvas.

Hyunjin chuckled softly, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he subtly shifted the canvas away from your line of sight. "Ah ah ah, no peeking," he teased, his tone playful. "It's a surprise."

You pouted playfully, feigning disappointment as you turned your gaze towards the water. "Fine, keep your secrets," you teased back, unable to suppress the smile tugging at your lips.

He grinned, delighted by your reaction, before shifting his attention back to the picnic basket.

He grinned, delighted by your reaction, before shifting his attention back to the picnic basket. "How about we take a break and enjoy some snacks?" he suggested, "I made sure to pack your favorites."

The picnic basket was filled with an assortment of delectable treats: Chocolate dipped strawberries, chips, chocolates, and more.

However, as you glanced at the tempting array of snacks, a wave of insecurity washed over you. You couldn't shake the nagging feeling that indulging in these treats would only add to the weight you already carried—both physically and emotionally.

"I'm okay, thank you," you replied with a forced smile, your voice wavering. "I'm not very hungry."

Hyunjin's expression softened with concern, though he tried to hide it with a reassuring smile. "Are you sure? You should eat something," he urged gently, reaching for a piece of fruit and offering it to you.

You hesitated, a myriad of conflicting emotions swirling within you. You struggled to find the words to explain your reluctance. But in the end, you simply shook your head and forced yourself to decline, offering him a weak smile in return.

His heart twinged with a hint of sadness at your refusal, though he chose not to press the matter further. "Okay, maybe later then," he said softly, trying to mask his disappointment with a cheerful tone. The sun climbed higher in the sky, casting a warm glow over the beach. "What do you say we take a dip?" he suggested, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

You hesitated, the thought of baring yourself in swimwear sending a shiver of apprehension down your spine. But as you glanced at Hyunjin's eager expression, you knew you didn't want to make him disappointed. With a deep breath, you nodded, a tentative smile gracing your lips. "Okay, let's do it," you agreed.

Hyunjin beamed at your response, his excitement palpable as he stood up, his hand reaching out to intertwine with yours. "Great! The water looks amazing," he said, his enthusiasm contagious. "I'll race you there!"

With each step closer to the ocean, the knot of apprehension in your stomach tightened, but you pushed the fear aside, determined to seize the opportunity to share this moment with him.

As the cool water lapped at your feet, Hyunjin turned to you with a playful glint in his eyes. "Ready?" he asked, his voice filled with excitement. You took a deep breath and nodded, your heart pounding in your chest as you braced yourself for the plunge. You both took the leap, the rush of the ocean enveloping you in its embrace.

The water was cool and refreshing against your skin, washing away the heat of the day. As you surfaced, laughter bubbled from your lips, mingling with Hyunjin's joyful chuckles as he splashed playfully nearby.

As you laughed and played in the water, Hyunjin's gaze softened, his eyes reflecting the depth of his affection for you. With a tender smile, he reached out and gently lifted you into his arms, effortlessly wrapping your legs around his waist as he held you close.

Your heart swelled with love as you looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but adoration and devotion reflected back at you. And in that moment, as the world faded into the background and it was just the two of you, you felt a sense of completeness—a feeling that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

With a soft sigh, you leaned in closer, feeling the warmth of Hyunjin's lips pressing against yours. His arms wrapped around you securely, drawing you closer as the gentle caress of his lips sent tingles of electricity coursing through your body.

The taste of salt from the ocean lingered on your lips. As your mouths moved together in perfect harmony, the world around you faded into a blur, leaving only the sensation of his touch and the overwhelming rush of emotion.

As you pulled away, breathless and flushed with emotion, you found yourself lost in the depths of Hyunjin's gaze. In his eyes, you saw a reflection of your own love and adoration. And as you lingered in each other's embrace, the world seemed to fall away, leaving only the echo of your hearts beating as one.

After swimming around for a bit, the two of you began to feel the chill of the water seep into your skin. With a shared glance, you both silently agreed that it was time to return to the warmth of the shore.

Hyunjin gently guided you back towards the beach, his arms wrapped around you protectively as you made your way through the gentle waves. As you reached the shallows, you felt the sand beneath your feet once more, the familiar sensation grounding you in reality.

With a contented sigh, you turned to face Hyunjin, a smile playing on your lips as you took in the sight of his damp hair and the sparkle in his eyes. He returned your smile, his hand reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair away from your face.

"That was fun," he said softly, his voice warm with affection. "I'm glad we decided to take a dip."

You nodded, feeling a sense of contentment wash over you. "Me too," you agreed, leaning in to press a soft kiss against his lips. "Thank you for convincing me to go in."

Hyunjin's smile widened at your words, his arms pulling you close as he returned your kiss with equal tenderness. "Anytime," he whispered against your lips, his breath mingling with yours in the cool ocean air.

The warmth of the sun dried your skin as you made your way back to the sun tent. You both shook off the excess water and dried yourselves off with the towel.

Once you were dry, Hyunjin rummaged through the picnic basket once more, pulling out a container of chocolate-covered strawberries. "How about a snack?" he suggested, holding out the container towards you.

You hesitated, the familiar wave of insecurity creeping back into your mind. But as you met Hyunjin's hopeful gaze, you knew you couldn't refuse him again. With a small nod, you reached out and took a strawberry, trying to ignore the nagging voice of doubt in the back of your mind.

He took a strawberry for himself, popping it into his mouth with a satisfied hum. "These are so good," he remarked, his eyes twinkling with delight as he savored the sweet treat. "Here, try another one."

As you both enjoyed the strawberries, Hyunjin's attention shifted to the rest of the picnic basket. With a grin, he pulled out a pair of sandwiches, unwrapping them and taking a hearty bite.

"Mmm, these sandwiches are amazing," he declared between bites, his enthusiasm contagious. As you both continued to enjoy the strawberries and sandwiches, Hyunjin's contentment radiated from him, evident in the soft hum of happiness that escaped his lips.

With a gentle sigh, you leaned back against the blanket, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin and the comforting weight of Hyunjin's presence beside you.

Just as the serene moment enveloped you and Hyunjin, a notification chimed on your phone, pulling you back to reality. With a curious frown, you glanced at the screen, your heart sinking as you saw the tag in an Instagram post from a news page known for stirring up drama, especially within the realm of celebrities and K-pop idols.

Your brows furrowed with concern as you tapped on the notification, revealing the post. Your breath caught in your throat as you opened the post, your worst fears confirmed as you saw a picture of you and Hyunjin kissing on the beach. The caption was filled with cruel words, comparing you to Hyunjin and insinuating that you didn't belong together.

A pang of insecurity shot through you, your heart aching at the hurtful words. You tried to hide your distress from Hyunjin. As you stared at the screen, the words of the caption burned into your mind like branding irons, each syllable a searing reminder of the insecurities you had tried so hard to bury. You felt a lump form in your throat, and a sting of tears in your eyes.

With a heavy heart, you quickly closed the app, trying to push away the hurtful words that had pierced through you like daggers. But the damage had been done, and the weight of the cruel caption lingered in the air like a dark cloud.

"I... I want to go home," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to contain the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

Hyunjin's brows furrowed with concern, his hand reaching out to gently cup your cheek, urging you to look at him. "What happened?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.

You couldn't bear to meet his gaze, couldn't bear to see the disappointment you knew would be mirrored in his eyes. "It's nothing," you replied, forcing a shaky smile as you blinked back the tears threatening to spill over. "I just... I'm not feeling well. I think I need to go home."

But Hyunjin wasn't convinced, his brows furrowing with worry. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice soft and filled with genuine concern. "You can tell me, you know."

You shook your head, the lump in your throat growing larger with each passing moment. You didn't want to burden him with your insecurities, didn't want him to see the ugly truth lurking beneath the surface. All you wanted was to escape, to retreat into the safety of solitude and lick your wounds in private.

"I just... I just want to go home," you choked out, your voice trembling with emotion as you hastily pulled on a hoodie, desperate to hide the tears threatening to spill over. "Please, can we just go?"

Before Hyunjin could respond, you got up and fled. You ran towards the car, your vision blurred with tears as you stumbled over the sand, each step a painful reminder of the scars etched into your heart.

As you hastily made your way towards the car, your heart pounding with a mixture of fear and desperation, you could hear the sound of Hyunjin's footsteps following close behind. Despite your attempts to outrun him, he caught up to you with ease, his hand reaching out to gently grasp your shoulder.

"Wait," he called out, his voice soft yet filled with urgency. "Please, talk to me. What's going on?"

You halted in your tracks, your shoulders tense with pent-up emotion as Hyunjin's hand rested gently on your shoulder. His voice, soft yet urgent, pierced through the turmoil in your mind, begging for an explanation you weren't ready to give.

"I...," you began, but the words caught in your throat, suffocated by the weight of your insecurities. How could you burden him with the ugly truth lurking beneath the surface? How could you admit to the doubts that threatened to tear you apart?

Before you could gather the courage to respond, Hyunjin let out a resigned sigh, his hand falling away from your shoulder. "Fine," he said softly, his voice tinged with disappointment. "Let me grab the rest of our stuff, and I'll take you home."

You watched silently as he turned away, his footsteps growing fainter with each passing moment.

As you stood alone in the fading light of the sunset, the gentle breeze carrying the scent of salt and sand, you knew that you had let him down. And as the tears fell from your eyes, you couldn't help but wonder if you would ever find the courage to confront the demons that haunted you, to share the burden of your pain with the one person who had always been there for you.

The car ride home was a silent one, the only sound filling the air was the soft hum of the engine and the occasional sniffle from you. With your face buried in your hands, you couldn't bear to look at Hyunjin, couldn't bear to see the disappointment or pity in his eyes.

Hyunjin respected your need for silence, his own thoughts consumed by worry and concern for you. He stole glances at you from time to time, his heart aching at the sight of your pain, but he knew that pushing you to talk would only make things worse.

As the car pulled into the driveway and came to a stop, you made a hasty retreat, your steps heavy with the weight of your sorrow. You barely registered Hyunjin's voice calling out to you, his concern palpable in the air, but you couldn't bring yourself to respond.

"Please, just… wait a second," Hyunjin called after you, his voice tinged with desperation.

The house felt empty and cold. You retreated to the bathroom, closing the door behind you, the silence of the space echoing your inner turmoil.

As the water cascaded over you in the shower, mixing with the tears streaming down your face, you allowed yourself a moment of vulnerability. The sound of the running water masked the sound of your sobs, providing a small semblance of privacy in the midst of your anguish. Minutes felt like hours as you stood there, letting the warm water hit you. The cruel words replayed in your mind, each one a sting that cut deeper than the last.

Finally, as the water in the shower began to run cold, you emerged from the bathroom, your eyes red-rimmed and swollen from crying. You froze in surprise at the sight of Hyunjin sitting on the edge of the bed, your phone in his hand, his expression filled with remorse.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion as he met your gaze. "I shouldn't have gone through your phone, but I couldn't just stand by and watch you cry."

Your heart sank, a mixture of embarrassment and frustration bubbling up inside you. "Hyunjin, you had no right," you said softly, though your voice lacked conviction.

"I know," he replied, his eyes pleading for understanding. "But when I saw how upset you were, I had to know what was hurting you. And now I understand why you wanted to leave."

Your anger flared, a protective shield against the vulnerability you felt. "And what if I wasn't ready to tell you?" you demanded, your eyes flashing with hurt. "What if I needed time to process it on my own?"

Hyunjin's expression softened, his eyes brimming with regret. "I would have waited," he said softly. "But seeing you in so much pain… it tore me apart. I acted out of concern, not mistrust." he continued. "I'm truly sorry. I promise it won't happen again. I just… I love you so much, and it hurts to see you hurting."

Hyunjin set the phone aside and stood up, closing the distance between you in a few quick steps. He gently cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away the remnants of your tears. "Listen to me," he said firmly, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your heart ache. "Those people don't know you. They don't know us. All they see is a snapshot, a moment in time. But I see the real you, and I love every bit of you."

"But what if they're right?" you whispered. "What if I'm not good enough for you?"

Hyunjin's eyes softened, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks. "Why would you ever think that?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine confusion and concern.

"Because..." you hesitated, struggling to find the words to express the yourself. "Because you're Hyunjin. You're talented, handsome, loved by so many people. And I'm just... me. I don't understand why you're with me. You could have anyone, someone who's... who's beautiful, who looks beautiful next to you too."

Hyunjin's heart clenched at your words, the pain evident in his eyes as he reached out to gently cup your face in his hands. "Listen to me," he urged, his voice filled with urgency. "I don't want just anyone. I want you. You are the most beautiful person I've ever known, and not just because of how you look, but because of who you are—kind, compassionate, and full of light."

He stepped closer to you. "I chose you because I love you," he said softly, his gaze never wavering from yours. "Not because of what others think, not because of some superficial reasons. I love you for who you are—the way you make me laugh, the way you care about others, the way you make me feel understood and loved."

As he spoke, his gaze never wavered from yours, his eyes shining with sincerity and love. "And as for looking beautiful next to me," he continued, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "you make everything around you more beautiful, including me."

"But I feel so unworthy," you admitted, your voice breaking as tears streamed down your cheeks. "I'm afraid I'll never be enough for you. I'm just dragging you down. You deserve someone who can match your brilliance, someone who won't be a constant source of worry and stress."

The flood of emotions overwhelmed you, and you felt the need to escape, to distance yourself from Hyunjin and all the intense feelings that threatened to consume you. You took a step back, your hands trembling as you tried to wipe away the relentless tears. "I'm sorry," you choked out, your voice barely audible.

Just as you turned to flee, Hyunjin quickly stepped forward and grabbed your arm, his grip firm yet gentle. "No, please don't go," he said, his voice filled with desperation. "Don't run away from me."

You struggled for a moment, but Hyunjin's hold remained steady, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your heart ache.

The tears flowed more freely now, your shoulders shaking with the force of your sobs. "But why?" you cried out, your voice filled with anguish.

"You are not a burden," he said firmly. "You are my partner, my love. You make me happy in ways I never thought possible. Your worth isn't determined by what others say or think. It's determined by who you are, and to me, you are everything."

You found yourself searching his eyes for any hint of doubt. Instead, you saw only sincerity and a deep love that left you breathless. With a shaky breath, you took a tentative step closer, your hands reaching up to rest against his chest. “I just don’t want to disappoint you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

“You could never disappoint me,” Hyunjin murmured, his hands gently cupping your face as he leaned in, his forehead resting against yours. “I love you for who you are, and nothing will ever change that.”

In that moment, the world seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of you standing together in the quiet of your home. Hyunjin’s eyes never left yours as he closed the distance between you, his lips capturing yours in a tender, heartfelt kiss.

"And you know what?" Hyunjin added. "I even made something to show you just how beautiful you are."

Curiosity piqued, you arched an eyebrow inquisitively. "What do you mean?" you asked.

With a grin, Hyunjin reached for something hidden behind the bed, producing a canvas covered in a cloth. With a flourish, he unveiled his creation, revealing a breathtaking painting.

Before you lay a masterpiece, bathed in hues of vibrant colors.

The scene depicted was ethereal—a tranquil beach bathed in the soft glow of the setting sun, with waves gently lapping against the shore. The details were mesmerizing—the play of light on the water, the delicate brushstrokes that captured the movement of the waves, the subtle shifts in color that mirrored the changing sky. But it was the figure at the center of the painting that drew your attention, their presence commanding the viewer's gaze. The figure sat, with their back turned to the viewer as they gazed out towards the horizon.

As you took in the scene before you, a sense of wonder washed over you, a feeling of being transported to another world—a world where beauty and tranquility reigned supreme, and all worries melted away in the embrace of nature's splendor.

And then, as the realization dawned upon you, a lump formed in your throat, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. With trembling hands, you reached out to touch the canvas, tracing the outline of the figure with reverent fingers.

"It's you," Hyunjin whispered softly, his voice filled with awe and admiration. "I call this painting 'the most beautiful scene I've ever seen'. Does that rhyme? I think it fits"

You glanced up at him, your eyes shining with tears, but before you could respond, Hyunjin's nervous rambling continued.

"I mean, I know it's not perfect, and I'm still learning, but I wanted to capture how I see you," he babbled, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "I spent so much time on it, trying to get everything just right. I hope you like it."

You couldn't find the words to express the depth of your emotions, the overwhelming gratitude and love that filled your heart. Instead, you reached out and pulled him into a tight embrace, your tears finally spilling over as you buried your face in his neck.

"I love it," you whispered, your voice choked with emotion. "And I love you."

Hyunjin's arms wrapped around you in return, holding you close as he pressed a tender kiss to your lips. "I love you too," he murmured, his voice filled with warmth and affection.

He sat down and pulled you onto his lap as he continued to kiss you deeply. The softness of his lips, the taste of his tongue, the warmth of his breath—it was intoxicating, and you found yourself losing yourself in the moment, the pain of your insecurities melting away as you gave yourself over to the pleasure of his touch.

Hyunjin nodded earnestly, his eyes never leaving yours. "Every time I look at you, I see beauty in its purest form."

His hands roamed your body, caressing your curves with a gentleness that made your heart race. As he deepened the kiss, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth, you could feel his growing arousal pressing against you, the friction of his hardened length sending sparks of desire coursing through your veins.

"Hyunjin," you gasped, his name a plea on your lips as he began to trail kisses along your jawline, his hands deftly tugging off your clothes.

With a soft chuckle, he shifted his attention to the sensitive spot behind your ear, his teeth grazing the delicate skin there.

As the cool air hit your exposed skin, a shiver of anticipation ran through you, the sensation amplified by the feel of Hyunjin's hot breath against your neck. With each passing second, the fire of desire burned brighter within you, the need for him becoming more urgent.

As if sensing your growing desperation, Hyunjin pulled away, his gaze meeting yours with a mischievous glint. "I want to worship every inch of you," he murmured, his eyes filled with hunger and desire.

With a gentle turn and push, you found yourself falling onto the bed, your heart pounding in anticipation.

Hyunjin's fingers slowly traced the contours of your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake as he teased and caressed every curve and dip.

His touch was gentle yet firm, the heat of his skin setting yours ablaze. You gasped as his hands moved lower, his fingertips teasing the sensitive flesh at the apex of your thighs.

"I love you," he said as he placed a kiss on your inner thigh. "And I promise to always remind you of just how beautiful you are."

Your breath hitched as he dipped a finger between your folds, his thumb expertly circling the bundle of nerves that sent waves of ecstasy coursing through your body.

"I love you more" you replied, your breath caught in your throat.

"Now lay back and let my tongue and fingers show you just how much you mean to me."

ઇଓ Taglist

If you want to be removed from the taglist send me a dm!

@kayleefriedchicken @stellasays45 @beautyandmentalbreakdown @bo-fairykim @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad

@seunghancore @oddracha @kimahreummm

188 notes · View notes

bunnybunbun0 · 11 months

Text

Currently getting off on the idea of loser!Mike touching a boob for the first time ever. (and of course its yours!)

You were just out for a midnight walk and thought "why dont i go bother mike at his new security job?" You were sitting in a random table along with him,a teasing lolipop in your mouth,flirting with Mike and getting his flustered over nothing was too much fun,you couldn´t get over it.

"So youve never been on a proper date?" He asked regarding the topic of your crappy dating life "Like no flowers or a nice dinner?" His eyebrows were raised,he always disapproved of the sketchy man you went out with,and he thought a nobody like him would never get a chance with a girl like you.

"Dinner and flowers?" You looked into his eyes and chuckled amusedly "Please,i showed my tits for way less!" you took the sucker out your mouth with a loud pop.

The blush on Michael´s cheeks were nerly comic,like a cartoon character getting a kiss on the cheeck,his eyes went everywhere trying to avoid yours,and you could swear that for a moment he just stared at your lips.

"So those men they just...saw your chest?" His voice was heavy in embarassement,face so red he looked like he had a nasty fever.

It was too much of a good teasing chance to just let it pass.

"Oh that and much more..." You popped the candy back into your mouth smirking teasingly "What? You never touched a boob?"

You knew the answer to that question already,Michael´s non existing date life was material for endless late night phone calls and a fuel for your relentless teasing.

"N-no i havent..." He said shyly

You were´nt expecting him to actually answer that,let alone with such honesty,a million things ran through your mind in that minute and the one you chose to listen was the fact you couldnt let your best friend be the type of man who never felt a woman´s breasts.

"Well,lets cchange that shall we?" Your smile was growing bigger by the minute. As you took of your jacket revealing the low cut top you were wearing that oh so nicely hugged your breasts,his eyes were glued in them.

He was taken aback by your actions,not sure what to do next,but that smirk of yours and that top that left little to the imagination were stirring something in him.

"What...What are you implying here?" He twiddled his fingers nervously and you took a step closer to him.

"Well...What are you waiting for? Be my guest!"

He could swear his heart never pumped any faster. He approached you slowly,shaky hands being raised to the point where they were rested on top of your chest,he looked into your eyes for any kind of reaction,hands still and face red like some kind of trance.

"Well dont be shy! get into it!" You stirred him on dancing the red lolipop around in your cheecks.

"A-am i doing this right?" He asked worried and out of breath as he moved his hand slowly,small circular moves from the entirety of what your push bra could expose to him.

"There is no way of doing this wrong,as long as you enjoy yourself..." Your tone was flirtarious as ever,and the growing tent on the front of his jeans proved he was indeed enjoying himself.

His eyes wandered between you and his hands on your boobs,he was slowly getting the hang of it,being ever so delicate and liking the feel of your body on his palms. But it wasnt enough for you,not until he really let himself go.

"Come on! really get into it!" You stirred him on one more time,going further this time.

You put your hands on top of his over your chest and gave it a nice firm squeeze,wanting him to really feel you. You thought his eyes were gonna pop off with how big they widened.

His shock however,didnt forbid him from keep on squeezing and massaging your boobs,the confidence growing ever more at every little gasp that you let scape and at the way he could feel your nipples harden under the fabric.

He couldnt believe his luck! He was actually touching a girls boobs! One that he has been attracted to for a long time as well! He didnt want this moment to ever be over.

"Are you liking it?" he asked without ever stoping the motion of groping your tits.

you hissed through grutted teeth at the way he teased your nipples,mike was always a quick learner and this time it wasnt any different.

"Youre not bad for a first timer" you smiled at him teasingly.

You took a few steps back,chest feeling cold without his preying hands,you ignored the temporary feeling of loss knowing what was to come would be way better. You slid your hands beneath your shirt pulling it over your head,staying in front of him in only a bra and jeans.

"Ready to learn the real deal?"

783 notes · View notes

iloveboysinred · 5 months

Note

Hiii, your keith hc where absolutely perfect, and I wanted to ask would it be able to get some fluffy hc or one-shot (whatever you prefer more) of keith kogane please ?, have a lovely day or night 💓💓

Hi anon! Thank you so much for your ask. I think i’ll make this a one shot if you dont mind, I’ve been writing lots of hcs lately and i’m already planning fluffy HCs for Keith to be posted later on this week! Hope you enjoy 💕

My home is with you[Keith Kogane]

Vld Keith x Gn reader

Synopsis: Keith has been gone for two weeks. You start to feel his absence, and the team feels it too. Soon enough, he comes back and takes you away to spend time with you in his own special way

Cw; fluffy Keith, brief and i mean briefff mention of intercourse. Sorta angst but not really? Just you being sad and missing Keith. Happy ending. Kinda lengthy i hope you dont mind. Not a lot of dialect!

Masterlist

To say you missed Keith was an understatement. Between saving conquered planets, keeping the castle stable, and even Keith’s marmora training, you had barely gotten the chance to really sit down and have a nice, quiet night with your boyfriend. Everything felt tense all the time. There was always a lingering sense of panic, never being able to fully relax while Zarkon, and now, Lotor still lurked. They were an ever present danger you never knew when they would strike next.

The one thing you missed the most about earth besides your family and friends was the sense of normalcy you once had. The routine you had set for your life. When you would come over to Keith’s house, an old, isolated and broken down shack in the desert, with creaky floors and dusty broken windows. The place needed some work, but that never mattered to you or Keith. The love that was brewing inside every single time you would pay him a visit is all you and Keith could care about. You missed the cool, quiet nights where you and Keith would sit on his roof, staring up at the very same constellations you’ve now flown by and seen up close. Talking about your dreams, sharing secrets. He would hold you close and you would kiss him, running your fingers through his dark hair, whispering soft words of affection to each other.

You loved waking up next to him after a night of passion, your body aching from the love you had made, every bite and mark on your skin fresh and still stinging. You would glance down at him, sleeping peacefully, hair a mess and adorning matching marks of his own, before getting up and fixing breakfast with whatever he had in the fridge, making a mental note to tell Shiro to take you grocery shopping for Keith later that day. While you cooked he would come up behind you, wearing an old, warn out pair of sweats, hair disheveled, eyes blinking tiredly, still low and half lidded from sleep, but he still looked as handsome as ever. You would sink into his embrace, swaying side to side as you tended to the food cooking on the stove.

Now you sat cold and alone in his room. You’d see Keith less and less as time went on, The Blade of Marmora taking up almost all his time. You understood how important this was to him, you were happy he found a group to belong to, and you know what he was doing was bigger than yourselves. But you’d also began to feel his absence, and it was taking its toll on you. You slept in his room and wore his clothes, those being the only comfort you had whenever Keith was gone for days, sometimes weeks on a mission. It was nothing compared to the feeling in your stomach when he would wrap his arms around you and bring you down to bed with him, the washed out smell of him on his clothes dulled in comparison to the lingering familiar scent of his shampoo, surrounding you every time he embraced you. Nothing could fill in for Keith, and everyone in the castle could see how much you missed him.

So when Keith came back to the castle (unbeknownst to you) Shiro sat him down to have a talk.

Shiro explained that he has known you for as long as he’s been taking care of him. He could tell you werent being yourself and he was concerned with Keith’s frequent absences. “The team needs you, Keith.” Shiro sighed, placing his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “But Y/n needs you the most. You’re the only piece of home they’ve got. Try to be here some more. If not for Voltron then do it for them.” Keith nodded to himself, looking down in shame. He missed you too, but he had been so wrapped up with the Blades that he barely had time to worry about how he felt, or even about how you felt. Guilt fell in his stomach as if he’d swallowed a stone. “I know Shiro, i’m gonna make it up to them, and you guys. I promise.”

You had been sitting in the dining hall chit chatting with Allura and Lance when he came in, you didnt notice at first, picking at your food goo and nodding here and there when Lance would try to include you in the conversation. Keith took your lack of awareness as a chance to study you. Your hair was messily tossed into a hair tie, just as he always loved it, and you were wearing one of his plain black shirts. Keith felt a swell of emotion in his chest when he’d seen your face. Uninterested and blank, missing the spark he’d always search for. He could see from here how he’s impacted you, and his heart felt like it would shatter into a million pieces.

“And then i was like what the quiznak- oh hey Keith! Youre back” Lance chirped, exchanging a knowing look with Allura. But Keith didnt respond, his eyes locked with yours as you whipped around, eyebrows almost raising into your hairline. “Keith! You’re here!” You cried as you launched yourself into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling your face into him. Keith smiled wrapping his arms around you to steady you. “Yeah I am..sorry I was gone for so-“ you didnt let him finish, pressing your lips to his and wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him down to meet you. You kissed sweetly, melting into each other.

You barely noticed Allura and Lance snickering at you while they exited the room. Too concerned with eating your boyfriend’s face to care about the teasing you’re probably going to deal with later. After a few moments Keith pulled away, he held your wrists gently in his as he looked into your eyes with all the love he had for you, smiling softly at you. “I missed you so much. All I could think about was you. I- I brought you this.” He handed you a necklace, a small dog tag with your initials carved in the thin piece of metal, the other side had a messy shape you assumed was supposed to be a heart. “I engraved it myself. I found it while we were on a stake out mission. I hope you like it” he sounded so shy and nervous, it made your heart swell with emotion as you handed it back to him. “Can you help me put it on?” “Yeah” you turned your back towards him, beaming as he clicked the hatch for the necklace into place, pressing a soft kiss to the nape of your neck. “I love it baby, thank you” you turned back around to hold grab his hand, eagerly dragging him down the hall. “Cmon, I dont want to waste a second with you- i’m not gonna lie i’ve made a mess of your room but I hope you don’t mind!” “Actually, I want to take you out somewhere.” You stopped in your tracks and looked back at Keith. “Where?” “You’ll see it when we go. Cmon, put on a suit and meet me at the black lion’s hangar.” You nodded before walking into his room anyway, quickly getting changed and running down to meet him.

You held on to his seat as he took off, telling you to hold on tight as you flew out of the castle. You flew for about an hour, passing by vibrant planets and constellations. Pointing out meteors and stars as you passed by. Keith still wouldn’t tell you where you were going until you entered a big, green planet’s atmosphere. You looked over at him quizzically as you landed, the planet had nothing but short, green grass. You couldn’t hear the sounds of any creature or civilization. It was almost as if you were here completely alone. “Keith, where are we?” “This is planet Ogoria. Me and the blades made camp here when i was on that mission. It’s completely unhabited. & I brought you here to see something.” He explained, leading you off the black lion and into the open. “Cmon, lets find somewhere to sit.” Keith had brought with him a big blanket and two pillows, walking a few feet away from the lion before setting the blanket down on a particularly soft patch of grass. He threw the pillows on before sitting down. You followed suit, sitting down next to him, leaning into his body as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Look y/n, i’m really sorry i’ve been gone so much lately. The blades and I- well we’re getting close to finding something great” he muttered, glancing over at you. You looked away from him for a second, thinking over your next words. “ I know Keith. I’m not upset with you- I just miss how things used to be you know? I miss home. I miss our life together.” You sighed, gaze locked on your intertwined hands. “ I know, hun. I miss earth too. But we’re here now and we gotta try to make the best of it. This will be over sooner than we think. I feel it.” You looked up into his eyes, and he never looked so assured. You gave him a weak smile, scooting closer to him and pressing a peck to his lips. “Well, you’d better be right about that, Keith. Or i’ll drag us all back to Earth by force.” You giggled at the snort he let out, burrowing yourself deeper into his side, closing your eyes and relishing in his warmth.

“Y/n, look up at the sky”

You blinked your eyes open, having begun to nod off on Keith. When you looked up you let out a gasp. The sky was full of stars, it was as if the whole galaxy was displayed right In front of you in one place. “Keith its..its beautiful!” You whispered, unable to tear your eyes away from the scenery. “I know its nothing like the roof back home, but i figured it’s pretty close.” You tore your gaze away just to meet his, your eyes shining. “Keith I- i dont know what to say…I mean this is incredible!” you saw him smile, glancing up at the stars himself. “Lets get comfortable.” You both leaned down, lying on the pillows and drinking in the sight before you in comfortable silence. “Y/n..” you turned to look at him, his eyes were soft, full of adoration as he looked you over, burning every feature on your face into his mind. “I love you.. thank you for sticking with me.” You brought your hand up to his cheek, pressing a soft kiss to his nose. “I love you too Keith. I’ll always be with you, no matter what.” And so there you laid. Holding onto each other, catching up and telling each other dreams and secrets you harbored. It was nothing like how’d you been on Earth. But Keith made it special, and thats all that mattered to you.

Hopefully you enjoyed Anon! Thank you again for your submission. :> Notes and reblogs appreciated, asks and submissions welcome!! 💗💗

#vld keith #keith kogane fluff #vld keith x reader #keith kogane x reader #vld x reader #voltron x reader #voltron fluff #voltron legendary defender #❥iloveboysinred #{anonask ੈ✩‧₊˚ ฅ^. .^ฅ}#˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚{𝕞𝕪 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕪} ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

166 notes · View notes

writingsfromhome · 6 months

Text

Dos and Don’ts III

A/N: firstly apologies for the wait and secondly I absolutely did not want to cut this into another part but here we are 😢 I think this will change some ppls opinions oops dont hate me

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

——————————————————

I couldn’t put my finger on it but something was off in my life; I felt disconnected from myself, my friends, and most importantly from Gray. But getting Gray to communicate when he didn’t want to could feel like pulling teeth. And I was no dentist.

I figured the solution was to stubbornly throw myself into work. After all, with Harry’s European tour starting March there was always a lot to do.

“Nice of you to get here so early,” Harry says as I step off the elevators just before 9–an hour later than I usually do.

“I had dry cleaning to pick up,” I ignore his sarcasm. “Your tour fits aren’t going to magically appear in the penthouse as nice as that would be for me.”

I keep my tone light, joking, but it’s passive just as he is. And he can’t call passive out.

That’s what working for Harry has been like since December. It was winter outside these walls and inside.

I had originally decided to let it all go after sitting with the party’s events that weekend but upon arriving to work Harry had been particular asshole-ish and I decided two could play at the game. It was like the holiday party never happened. And I was okay with that.

“If they did, I wouldn’t need you would I?” Harry takes on the same tone I do.

Asshole, “yeah, how nice would that be.”

I walk away to his closet to hang up the garment bags.

“You still have two fits that need final fitting. For today, you’ve got a 2pm for your ear plugs and monitors,” I say as I walk back into the main living space. I take in Harry in his bathrobe and bedhead and realize he must be hungover. Which meant extra grumpy. “Also a meeting before noon with Jeff—he’s sick so he’ll do a Zoom. And rehearsals start tomorrow at 8am.”

The long-awaited tour he was rehearsing for was 2 months long and with his tour manager joining him I’d be kind of redundant. We agreed I’d start the tour with him, and then end it as he came back to the UK but I’d take a break in between.

“Good,” Harry sits on a barstool and as the robe parts I hoped he was wearing something underneath. “Are you joining rehearsals?”

“Tomorrow yeah,” I instinctively start tidying the coffee table littered with Harry’s activities from last night. There’s empty bottles and unused rolling papers, takeout containers and unopened bottles.

“Can you stop that,” Harry snaps. He’s wincing when I look up. “The clinking—it’s too loud.”

His second statement comes out softer but it doesn’t make him any less irritating.

“I’ll just toss these ones,” I take the ones I’d gathered in my hand.

“So,” he carries on with the earlier conversation. “Just tomorrow yeah?”

“Yep, to make sure everyone’s there, forms are signed, and all that. Jeff will drop by too. Otherwise I’ll just be there once a week or so since I have other things to complete.”

“So you’ll enjoy the full glory of the show once it’s live on stage?”

“I guess.”

“Please y/n reign in the excitement, it’s just too much.” Harry flexes his sarcasm again.

I look up from the other side of the island and lock eyes with him. With one bottle still in my hand I don’t put it in gently, instead letting it drop onto the others in the bin. His face twists in pain and I get my hit of satisfaction.

“I am excited,” I continue. “I’ll be more excited when you get on tour but right now I’m buried under an insane amount of logistics and stuff. So I’m just pacing myself.”

“Glad you got that out of your system,” he slides off the stool. “Are you sure you want to join tour? It takes a toll.”

“What? Am I taking up the space you reserved for groupies?” I goad.

He pretends to think, “No…we’ve got a whole other bus for that.”

“Great,” I smile. “Then I’ll definitely be there for the start of your tour, cheering you on.”

“Not too hard though,” Harry grabs a water from the fridge and heads towards the bedrooms. “Can’t have all of y/n’s enthusiasm overshadowing my fans.”

I roll my eyes behind his back and choose not to respond, as tempting as it was.

By the end of the week I’ve met everyone that’ll be joining the tour, taken copies of a million contracts and filed a billion papers.

It’s Saturday night and we’re heading home from the studio. Harry, in a twist of kindness, offers to drop me home.

“You don’t live too far,” he comments as we get closer to my building.

“Yeah, I was surprised with that.” It was a stroke of luck having a short commute.

“How does Mr. Duran feel about you coming on tour?”

I throw him a look but he sits there smug, waiting. “Well he’s not keen on me being away from home for so long but otherwise he’s fine.”

“Is he?” Harry extends his knee to nudge mine, irritating me. Just a few more minutes.

“Yes.” I turn to look out the window, no longer interested in the conversation. In reality Gray had been pretty upset that I’d be travelling the continent with womanizer Harry Styles. I’d soothed his fears but he was hard-headed about it.

Originally I’d saved the conversation to be had after New Year’s to not ruin the holidays but Josie had brought up tickets for the tour during Christmas dinner and although I played it off then, he’d been in a mood since.

“You’re an awful liar,” Harry says. I don’t respond. Luckily I’m home.

I figured Sunday, on my day off, Gray and I could catch up and spend quality time together. Maybe iron out some of our kinks. But he tells me he had a few sessions and I’m left alone for most of the day, convinced Gray booked them on purpose but not wanting to admit what that meant.

The following Thursday night, Gray and I finally collide after I’d spent the week stewing in my anger and anxieties.

“Why won’t you just talk to me? I feel like I’m living with a stranger these days.” The conversation starts out semi-tamed as we wash up for dinner.

“You feel that way? Well I’ve seen my fiancée for less than 48 hours a week this last year. Talk about being a stranger.”

“I’ve been taking more time off,” I wonder when he decided to count the number of hours. But it was true—I’d started doing a half-days on most Saturdays and coming home earlier on week nights. Like tonight, I’d been home by half past 6. “I’ve been trying to spend more time at home.”

“Too little too late,” Gray mutters.

“What?”

“I just mean,” he sighs. “I…y/n, we barely get time together. We’re like flatmates these days aren’t we? We haven’t-“

“Don’t you dare Gray,” I wasn’t having this. I refused to hear what he was trying to get at.

“Y/n don’t be difficult-“

“Difficult!? You can’t go radio silent on me and then decide 3 years can just go down the drain.”

“I’m not saying that-“

“Then what are you saying!?”

The silence rings to the corners of our kitchen. The dishes are long forgotten, suds drip down my elbow and onto the floor, and Gray’s towel hangs like a white flag beside him.

“You knew what this job meant—you work with the same clientele, and you encouraged me to go for it. I’m trying to be better I don’t get it.” I finally say.

“I’m saying something needs to change.”

What takes me back the most is the even—even apathetic, tone. It’s the fact that he must have been thinking on this for long enough to be so level-headed about it.

Who has he talked to, I wonder. His sister? Our friends? Who’s advised him to go in this direction because the Grayson I know wouldn’t do me like this. Couldn’t.

Are you even the y/n Grayson knows, a small voice asks in my head.

“We’ve changed, I get it.” My tone takes a pleading ring to it and I hate it. “But you can’t just decide this isn’t worth fighting for Gray-“

“I’m not Y/n,” he puts the towel to the side and grabs my arms. “I’m not throwing anything away but we need to bloody figure something out because…I’m unhappy. And can you really say our relationship is the same? Can you call what we’re in a relationship?”

“Why not?” I whisper, tears choking me. “I thought we love each other and we support each other and-and we see each other through thick and thin.”

“I love you,” Gray squeezes. “And I know we’ve seen each other through thick and thin but…I don’t know if I can keep supporting you at the expense of us.”

“Well what do you want?” I look up into his brown eyes. They’re steady like they usually were.

“I want you, selfishly. I want all of you.”

He had what he wanted, didn’t he get that? He had me. I don’t know what more of me I could give him. And that thought tears me right through.

“What happened to setting a date?” Gray steps back and takes his steady grip with him. I sink into the countertop behind me. “What happened to planning for our future? Marriage and kids and buying a home and doing something more?”

His voice raises as he talks.

“I feel like I’ve been living in limbo for the last year! Just waiting around for you. I don’t know how much longer I can wait-“

“We can set a date,” I say. “We can do all that! You-you haven’t brought up any of it either! If it’s been weighing on your mind why don’t you ever just say something!?”

“I shouldn’t have to!”

I’d hit a nerve. We’d had this conversation a dozen times.

“Of course you do! Like, I’m not a mind reader you’ve been stewing in these feelings for god knows how long and now you’re telling me you’re thinking of-of-of ending things!?”

There, I’d said it.

His face contorts into a flurry of emotions. My body feels ragged just saying these things out loud.

“When I spoke to Stewart and Bex they said-“

“Stewart and…” I was right he’s been talking. “You were talking to Stew and Bex!? Since when did you spend time with Bex?”

“Since I had a lot of time alone at home.”

Fuck, he managed to get the upper hand all the time with that one valid point he had.

“They both agreed with me that this isn’t right. I’m allowed to be upset and ask you for something to change-“

“But why didn’t you talk to me!” The switch to anger is quick when he admits he was talking to our friends. I think about the last few times we saw them—had they been judging me? Had Gray told them by then?

Gray tries to brush past and tell me more about his validated feelings, about how things had changed. I can’t hear anymore.

“This decision you seem to want to make for both of us should involve me too and yet you make it the talk of the town before consulting me. I’m so goddamn tired of the way you shut down Gray I-“

“I’m tired!” He butts in. “I’m tired of watching things change and being forced to move past it.”

I stare at him. He’s not bending whatsoever. He’s not even understanding the frustration at being the last to know his feelings on our fucking relationship. Didn’t he understand how iced out that made me feel? When I’ve been trying to be as mindful as I can?

“You know what Gray,” I sneer. “You talk about us changing but did you ever think that we’ve been changing since we first met!? The only thing that’s different now is we stopped talking!”

I throw the rest of the dishes into the soapy water and storm out to the only safe haven I had right now—our bed.

Everyone wanted parts of me I couldn’t give and I felt torn to shreds! I hardly recognized the girl in the mirror, I hardly remembered what it felt like to be me.

The only time I felt centered, a bit of calm, was here. With Gray.

And now I knew the feelings weren’t mutual. He’d been thinking of ending things while I had curled in his arms. While I had kissed him goodnight and hello. While we had dinner or drinks. While we hung out with friends who were privy to all the cracks in our relationship. Who knows how long it had been a one-sided feeling.

I bury my head into my pillow wanting to scream and cry at the same time. My head hurts but mostly my heart hurts. I feel betrayed by my bestest friend and the person I love the most.

You’re no better, the ugly voice in my head shows up again. You’ve done things you should be ashamed of.

I block the voice out. I block it all out until all I feel is numb.

Gray doesn’t come to bed at all that night. I drag myself out of the nest I’d created some time around midnight, thinking he fell asleep on the sofa. To tell him to come to bed since I knew our sofa wasn’t long enough for him to even fit on.

I sway in the middle of the empty living room. There’s nobody here. Definitely not Gray. He’d left altogether, to wherever he’s been finding refuge recently.

It hits me; I think I’ve done this to myself. I was alone. Really alone.

***

The scowl is permanently etched onto my face as I go about my Friday morning. I feel Harry’s eyes on me a few times but even he doesn’t broach the subject. We silently maneuver around each other until he leaves for rehearsal.

I think about calling my friends to talk about this but I realize all my friends who were up to date on my life had become interwoven with Gray’s. And I already know Gray complained about my job to them based on a few parties last year. So they definitely wouldn’t be unbiased listening to anything I said.

I regret then, not staying in touch more with my friends back home. For the first time in years I feel a bit homesick.

I decide busying myself with work would be the only thing to keep me sane so I throw on headphones and get down to business.

As the day starts to come to an end I put on Harry’s stereo with the mournful songs that had been comforting me today and grab a seltzer from the fridge. He wouldn’t be home until 8 tonight and he’s always been open about using whatever was in the general living spaces.

So I nearly have a heart attack when I see a shadow from the corner of my eyes around 6.

I give a shout when it comes with a voice and once my senses return I realize it’s just a sweaty Harry back early from rehearsal.

“What? Are you doing here!?” I press on my pounding heart. “Alexa music off.”

He’s grinning at the way I reacted and now he laughs, it’s a bending-over laugh and I chuckle myself as I replay how dramatic it all was.

“Wow.” He says when he finally catches his breath. “I wish I had that on video.”

“Jesus,” I swear. “I thought you’d be home a lot later.”

“So this is what happens when I’m not home,” he teases.

“Only on Fridays,” I collapse into the closest chair and tilt my head back. “God, I thought there was like, an intruder or something. Or a ghost.”

He laughs again, moving to the kitchen for a water. “Good thing ghosts don’t exist.”

“They so do.” I reply.

“There’s no proof that’s ever convinced me they exist.”

“You live a sad skeptical life Mr. Styles.” My breathing is finally regulated and I sit up to look at him. “I’ve seen one myself when I was a teen. I wish I could be a disbeliever like you.”

“You’ll have to tell me the story,” he leans on the island looking very amused.

“I will,” I accept his challenge.

“I cut rehearsals short,” he continues. “I’m knackered from this week. I just want to be one with my couch and get drunk and not worry about what moves to do and what song to sing.”

“Yeah,” he looked tired and his hair was getting a bit shaggy. He runs his hand through the damp curls. “I need a shower and I think I should do a trim.”

“Consider it booked,” I pull the phone towards me and text his usual stylist. I hear him move around the space and pause before he disappears down the hall.

“Are you heading home soon?” He asks.

“Hm?” I kill time responding, acting like I didn’t hear his response. I didn’t want to go home at all. I didn’t even know if Gray was home or not and I didn’t want to find out. Harry repeats his question. “No. I wanted to wrap up some things. I can move to the office if you wanted the space to chill out?”

He shrugs and tells me I could go where I want.

I wanted to be out of the way, and not home. So I move to the office. The same office where weeks ago I’d teetered on the edge of a fatal decision and now was faced with the possibility of that decision made for me.

I slump in the seat and take a moment to just decompress. A headache creeps around my eyes and I just feel lost and hurt and alone.

When I break the laptop open again I move like a slug, scraping the barrel of effort and coming up with nil.

“Uh y/n?” Harry’s head pops into the door a while later.

“Yeah?” I blink up at him, still in slug mode.

He stares at me a second, “Do you have plans tonight? You could…join me in doing nothing?”

When was the last time I did nothing? I couldn’t remember. And it sounded like a distraction—not a good one, but one that helped me avoid home for longer.

“Sure?” I respond.

Harry blinks. “Oh. Brilliant. Finish what you’re doing if you’d like or you can join me now. Oh. Could you also order us some pizza or something that’s greasy and bad for us?”

I liked the direction of this. I feel my sluggish feeling slide away. “I can do that.”

“Good. Great. This is going to be a good night.”

He moves away as he talks and his last sentence is shouted from down the hall. I smile, relieved to do something like this.

I consider texting Gray, but decide against it. He left last night without a word, making me worried and today there’s been radio silence. I wasn’t in the mood to take the high road.

I do as Harry asks. Meanwhile Harry had put on some peppier music and brought out a six-pack from the fridge. His head is buried in the pantry rummaging through.

“What do you need?” I come up behind him.

“Oh,” he pops out. “Looking for some sweets. I’m sure I have some somewhere.”

“Oh yeah!” I close the doors he’s looking in and open the top cabinet. His eyes light up when he spots the options. “Food’s on its way by the way.”

He rubs his hands and starts pulling things off the pantry. It’s a different energy than any before, he’s not picking on me or ordering me around. He’s just inviting me to be on the ins with him. My instinct is to stay quiet and see where it goes but I shake it off.

“Are we just playing with beer tonight or is wine on the menu?” I ask. I hated the taste of beer.

“It could?” He unloads the pile in his arms onto the island and starts rummaging through the wines. “How about this one?”

A white. I take it from him and head for some glasses.

We end up making a buffet for ourselves on the coffee table and when the pizza comes we settle in, chatting occasionally about the things around us.

“So what does doing nothing involve?” I ask when we’re situated on the couch. Harry’s left a few feet of space between us which is very appreciated. I pull my feet up. “Because I have to say it’s been a while and I don’t know how to do nothing.”

He laughs, throwing his head back. I find myself grinning in response.

“Touché mon amie.”

“Okay I actually got that,” I nod.

“Do you speak french?” He asks as he opens the wine and pours us both a glass, mine’s a lot more full than his.

“No but I spent a month in Paris when I was in uni,” I savour the sour flavours of the wine as it coats my mouth and settles me down. “So I learned the bare minimum. Now all I can say is bonjour, ca beigne? And also un verre du vin s’il vous plait?”

“So you cut right to the chase—hey are you alright? A glass of wine thanks. Now leave me alone.”

We laugh and I hold up my glass, “I was hoping you’d get the hint. Why is mine so full anyway?”

“I’m just drinking some so you don’t have to drink it alone. Then I’m gonna crack on with the beer.”

“Oh!” There he had to go and be thoughtful again. “Forget it, I will happily drink the bottle. Drink whatever you want.”

“Yeah?” He leans forward to put his glass down.

I lean over and pour his measly amount into mine. “There, you’ve done the sharing part.”

“So y/n,” he asks after we’ve grabbed our respective snacks of choice. “Can I ask why you were listening to all those ballads before I came in?”

“I need to get a bit more drunk before I do that,” I down some more wine, already feeling the buzz of it. Obviously this was not the cheap wine I generally had.

“Alright we’ll get you there,” he promises. His eyes flicker from his phone to me and back to his phone. “Uhh could I show you something?”

“Like what?”

“We’re releasing the MV for one of my songs a week before I go on tour right.”

“Right,” I name the single that’s been thrown around countless times this week.

“I got back the deck for what it’ll look like. I’m excited can I show it to you?”

It’s endearing, in a way, how eager he is to show it. His cheeks even have spots of pink.

“Uh yeah! Let’s see it!”

“Cool,” he grins. He turns on the TV and casts whatever video is on his phone to the screen. He gives me some background on how it was setting up a whole storyline and how they’ve already started filming some of the scenes.

“The shooting starts the week after this one right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be in Scotland for a few days. You’re joining me right?”

“Yes! I’m excited to see all the action myself.” I had signed up for the 4-day trip with zero hesitation. As someone who’s always been making up stories and concepts to most music I listened to, getting to see the bts for an MV was a dream come true.

“Really?” He asks.

“Yeah, it’s real excitement I promise.”

“You’re interested in it?”

“Yeah! I love music videos, it creates a whole new experience for a song we’ve probably listened to on repeat. It’s cool!”

“So this is y/n really enthusiastic,” he leans back in the cushions to get me in full. “Now I really know you couldn’t give a rat’s arse about tour.”

“Stop saying that!” I laugh. “I was just stressed. I am excited about all of it okay?”

“So you say,” with a final glance he presses play and I’m entranced as the narration takes us through the plan.

“Umm all I can say is wow.” I turn to him when it’s done. My wine glass had been emptied and my brain had been itched with the most beautiful location and storytelling I’ve seen in a while. “That’s like a mini movie.”

“That’s what I said!” He exclaims. “It’s going to blow everything out of the water.”

“Look at us, doing nothing.” I realize we’d turned around and talked about work.

“Bollocks we’re no good at this.” Harry slides a hand down his face and I laugh at the dramatics. “Let me refill you at least.”

I happily oblige.

We talk about the mv some more, and move onto the tour. Harry asks me about the concerts I’ve been to and we get the kind of excited when you’re tipsy once we find out we were both at a Coldplay concert four years ago in London.

“That would’ve been before the success so I would have been just another bloke to you,” he notes.

“Yeah, imagine we crossed paths then? That would be crazy.”

“If we did, we might still be doing this tonight, just as mates,” he points to between us. “Or you would have fallen in love with me and I would have sacrificed my music to raise our kids.”

“What!?” It’s so absurdly ridiculous that I nearly snort my wine. “Where did that comes from!?”

“Admit it,” he puffs out his chest. “That would have happened. And I’d be so committed-“

“Well you’re assuming that in a 4 year time-span we would get to the point of having kids. So firstly no, secondly who said you had to sacrifice your career?”

“I-“ he stops mid-sentence, looking into the distance.

“Exactly!” I shout. “You’ve got nothing. You’ve just made up a story that makes you sounds good and noble!”

“Fine,” he settles down. “Fine! We never meet and you end up with your Duran bloke and I end up a musician.”

“Is that all I’m reduced to?” I raise my brow. “Who I’m with?”

“No!” He leans between us to pat my leg. It tingles. “No I didn’t mean it like that. You’ll do great things. I just mean the person you end up with isn’t superstar Harry Styles.”

I roll my eyes, “I need more wine if I’m gonna be subjected to any more of this bullshit.”

“Bullshit?!”

“Mhm,” I pop a gummy into my mouth and ignore the look of shock on his face.

“Fine. Then tell me about your bullshit,” he raises his can. “What’s happening to make you so ferocious this morning.”

Oh god. I hold up a finger and shimmy forward for some more wine. I’d drank 2/3 of the bottle and I was definitely tipsy. Maybe I’ll just sip this one.

“Fine. If you want to hear it.”

“I do.”

“I got into a fight with Gray.”

He raises a brow, I continue.

“He’s upset with me and complaining that I work a lot and that he feels like I’m his flatmate!”

“Flatmate with benefits.”

“Shut up!” I groan. “Not the point.”

“Sorry!” He holds his hands up.

“I don’t think he realizes how much of my head is just Gray like, I’m always thinking about him, about what I could do for him and say to him just to make sure he feels seen and reassured and loved! You know I’ve asked you for half-days on Saturdays when you don’t have a lot going on-“

“Mhm,” he nods along.

“I’m like, making sure I’m being a good partner. And apparently he’s been upset and not saying anything.”

“The old silent on the home front.”

“Yes!” I nearly drip wine as I pump my hand. “Yes, on the home front he’s bloody broody and quiet. I knew something was on his mind but like always he’s tight lipped. Even when I asked him a week ago he said he’s just been working a lot. What a liar!”

I complain about how it felt to be iced out of my partner’s emotions and having to guess all the time.

“Then I find out he’s been talking to all our friends to get advice.” Harry raises his brows in judgement and leans back into the sofa, and the small gesture makes me feel so validated. I didn’t realize how much I needed a third-party to just listen to my side of things. Until now, I’d literally not had anyone to talk to about this especially since I avoided talking about work with Gray. I get misty eyed.

“And when we’re talking he’s like so-and-so said this as if I want to know. And!” Now I was on a roll. I put my glass down in fear of spilling it on the pristine sofa and get on my knees to emphasize my frustration. “And the girl he quoted? Get this, I met her—Rebecca—at a job I did like a year ago? And we got along fabulously and I invited her to this party we threw right because she was new to the city and all that. She met my other friends and she fit in so well they invited her the next event. I got her into the group and now she’s talking shit about me with my fiancé behind my back!”

“She’s probably got a thing for your man,” Harry suggests.

“Oh she definitely does!” I’m animated as I continue. “She so does! I’ve caught her making eyes at him before, and laughing a lot whenever he makes a joke. I even mentioned it to him once but he said he didn’t notice.”

“He probably didn’t,” Harry shrugs.

“I know, the male species is a wonder. You get big flirts like you and then otherwise they’re completely oblivious.”

“I’ll have you know when I was a teen, a girl literally gave me a valentine cupcake and I just thought—well I knew she liked to bake, so I thought she just had extras. I didn’t understand why she didn’t speak to me the rest of the year.”

“No way,” I laugh—a lot because the wine was definitely sloshing around in my head, but also I couldn’t imagine Harry being that aloof. “I guess it comes with the ego territory. Were you less of a jerk as a kid?”

His jaw drops. “You just called me a jerk right now. To my face.”

“I did,” I say with glee. I stand to get the full picture of an offended Harry. “And I don’t regret it. So? Were you nicer as a kid?”

“No I’m not answering until you take that back.”

“What! You are a jerk…sometimes! I’m not taking it back!”

“You have to take it back otherwise I will cut you off on the wine.”

I take a step back and stumble as he speaks. Which makes me laugh more. “I think I should cut back. I am a hot mess.”

“At least you’re laughing,” Harry stands too. “It’s world’s different from this morning.”

Just like telling someone not to think of an elephant, I think of the elephant.

“Noo no don’t do that!” Harry rushes towards me and bends down to look me in the eye. “I liked it when you were smiling just now c’mon.”

“Well you reminded me why I was so upset-“

“Can’t stay grumpy, just give me another smile. One smile! Small teeny tiny smile—there it is!”

I can’t help it with his face in mine and the way he’s putting on a voice to get me to smile my face splits in a grin.

“You’re soooo annoying!” I push him but unstable and drunk I fall backwards.

I don’t know what happens next but I’m on the floor looking up into Harry’s concerned face.

“Y/n? Y/n!?”

“Yeah,” my head pounds as I try to make sense of where I am.

“Fuck,” I hear Harry say. He moves away and the overhead light attacks my eyes so I squeeze them shut.

I hear him, panicked, on the phone.

“No!” I try to call out. “M’fine! Don’t even worry-“

“Stay down Y/N,” he’s back by my side. I try to prove to him that I’m okay and sit up but a few inches off the ground and my head feels like it’s full of bees.

“So many bees,” I murmur as I go back down, now a pillow behind my head.

A few minutes later Harry’s helping me up gently. I tell him I wanted to throw up and he helps me to the toilet where I do. Gah. Why did I drink so much.

“I think I’ll head home now,” I hear myself saying to Harry like I was miles away.

“No,” his hands are around my shoulder and holding me upright as we walk out. The lift increases my nausea but I keep my eyes shut.

“I’m going home now,” I tell Harry when we get outside.

“No you’re getting checked out.”

“No!” I shove him away and nearly topple over myself. Why did he have to boss me around all the time? “Stop telling me what to do! My head hurts I’m going home!”

He tries to grab my hand but I yank it off. “Stop! Just stop!”

“Y/n,” Harry’s voice is low and comforting as he gets down in my ear. He smells nice too. “You passed out and you have a headache we have to get you checked out.”

“You’re no fun,” I cross my arms but follow him, only because my headache is so bad. As we get in the car I close my eyes shut as the lights assault them. Harry doesn’t let me sleep on the ride home even though his body is warm and steady beside me. I barely know where I am.

Harry’s POV:

I keep telling myself she would most likely be fine, just like the doctor reassured me but it’s hard not to beat myself up.

I shouldn’t have let her get that drunk, especially upset. I shouldn’t have gotten in her space and caused her to tumble back. I should have done something else.

The guilt is added to when I think of how I spoke to the doctor, demanding they do every scan and not to skip any. I hated who I became sometimes, when I pulled the famous card, but I thought it was necessary right now. Even y/n would give me a pass for using it.

I can’t stop replaying the thud as her head hit the hardwood floor, her eyelids fluttering as I rushed to her, her slack face when she lost consciousness for a moment.

It’s been hours since we came in. The doctor finally heads my way.

“Mr. Styles, your girlfriend is alright,” he holds up his hands before I’m fully standing.

I may have had to say she was my girlfriend after they wouldn’t let me have any say tonight…

“She’ll be alright, you did the right thing getting her here right away.”

“But?”

“No but,” he smiles. “Obviously it’s serious she has a moderate concussion but if she doesn’t exasperate any symptoms—takes it easy the next couple weeks, she’ll be right as rain. We can discharge her once the neurologist confirms. She’s just finishing with another patient right now-“

“She should stay overnight,” I cut him off. His cheeriness was starting to irritate me I felt like he wasn’t taking this seriously enough.

“Oh well,” he laughs but I know I’m irritating him right back. “She will be alright. I can provide you and her with a followup plan-“

“Doctor,” I say. “She’s staying overnight. If I need to rent a bed I’ll do that, tell me what I need to do, but she should stay under observation. Get the care she deserves.”

He pursues his lips, and I wait for him to agree.

“Yep,” he sighs. “I’ll tell the nurse. Just follow me and we can sort the details.”

We do that, I even take a selfie for the nurse’s daughter which grates on the doctor’s nerves even more. He leaves shortly after.

I get y/n’s room and walk there slowly, wondering how to apologize. Ever since December we’ve been playing a game of tennis with words and tonight I felt both of us relax onto the same note. Then this.

She’s sleeping when I get to her. My watch says 1am. She looks peaceful and it hurts even more.

The truth was despite acting like I didn’t, I did like Y/N but she was complicated, and the more I tried to untangle her web the more sticky things became for both of us. I didn’t want to make more mistakes than I have in the past so I’d kept my distance. Even if it hurt both of us.

Tonight was good though. Until it wasn’t. This was why I shouldn’t blur lines. You would think I’d have learned that by now.

I step by her bed, hesitating. Someone has wiped the remains of her makeup off and she looks so much younger. Like a sleeping cherub. My heart gives a squeeze.

I push back a strand of her hair, my hand wanting to do something. I settle for taking her hand in mine, it’s not the first time I’ve held it but like it always does, a flood of warmth rushes through me.

I never understood Victorian romances until her; just touching her hand got my blood pumping.

With a stroke of my thumb over her knuckles, she stirs. I freeze.

Her eyes flicker open, “Hey?”

My voice disappears. There’s too much that I want to say and nothing I’m allowed to say. Maybe a sorry. I open my mouth but she squeezes my hand. I forgot I was still holding hers.

“So much for doing nothing huh?” She cracks a smile and it breaks the marble I’d become encased in. I laugh and collapse onto the sliver of the bed.

“We should never do nothing again.”

“Nope,” she smiles, closing her eyes again.

“Y/N I’m really sorry for tonight. I feel awful-“

Her mouth parts. She was asleep.

I want to sit here with her until she wakes again, until the doctors kick us out. Something about seeing her so vulnerable here makes me want to confess the thing that’s been lodged in my chest for a long time.

I release her hand and move away from the bed. This was dangerous. Maybe I could wait in the waiting room until she’s released. Then take her home.

Something vibrates. It’s not my phone, and then I notice the purse I’d brought with us. Y/N’s.

I peek inside for the phone and her fiancé’s face takes up the screen. He looks younger. And then I remember, it’s like stepping out of the fog this night had put me in and into reality.

I pick up.

“Y/N it’s nearly 2 in the morning just tell me you’re alright? You haven’t been answering your texts I-“

“Hi,” I clear my throat and the line goes dead silent. I decide to continue. “Hey uh this is Harry. Styles. Uhm, don’t panic or anything because she is okay but she’s in hospital and-“

“What?” He comes back with a boom. “Why is she there what happened? Which hospital?”

I tell him which one, explain she bumped her head and I had to take her here. That the doctors said she would recover and be herself again soon. He simply swears and tells me he’d be there soon.

This was Y/N’s life. This was the right thing to do. Still, I stay in the room with my head in my hands and think about the whole evening again and again.

“Just tell me the bloody room…I don’t care about the time…”

The voice travels through as doors open and close in the hall and I look out. Grayson. Like a pitbull. I can see him through the rectangular window demanding to see Y/N.

I open the swinging doors and his nostrils flare as he spots me.

“Why the hell is he allowed in and not me?” He continues his tirade. “Does hospital policy not matter when it comes to the rich and famous now? I want to see her doctor and-“

The nurse turns to me, annoyed but before she can ask the question the doctor is out.

“What’s all this? Do you know the time sir, please follow me and we can talk-“

“I don’t want to fucking follow you. I want him gone and I want to see my fiancee.”

Looks are exchanged between the doctor and the nurse, finally landing on me. I imagine what they’re thinking—just another homewrecking famous rockstar, do we tell the fiancé or act cool?

“He should be able to see her,” I say in an even tone. I can feel the eyes on me, especially the laser beams from Gray.

“I thought-“

“Okay. Visitor pass him and let him in,” the doctor cuts his nurse off as she stares at me. Maybe her daughter wouldn’t get that photo tonight after all, and instead be told to pick better role models. It doesn’t matter to me. Not tonight.

I watch Gray get sorted, watch him walk down and to Y/N’s room. To his fiancée’s room.

I wonder how he feels, fighting with her last night just for y/n to end up here tonight. I wonder if that’s why he was so vocal tonight—the guilt.

But I suspected he was the kind of man that called himself easy-going and only got this raucous when another man was threatening his public image. It was pretty clear the hospital staff thought we had some pseudo-relationship arrangement. I don’t think Duran was daft enough to miss that.

Plus, I’d been the one to bring her here not him.

With a big sigh I take my phone out to call a taxi. It was my turn to go home.

I text Y/N from the car, tell her to rest over the weekend and let me know how she feels Monday morning. She could take the whole week off if she wanted but I also knew her and knew she would try to come back asap.

I try to piece back the marble armour I wore before tonight, it’s ill-fitting and hurts to get on but I do it anyway. This was why I couldn’t be the person Y/N wanted me to be; I tried to mix parts of my life together and it would only end with shite.

Y/N’s POV:

I don’t know who this man in front of me was. Or actually, I hadn’t seen him a long time.

I’d been discharged from the hospital on Saturday morning with odd looks all around. Maybe because Harry brought me in? And ever since, Grayson has been doting on me. Doting.

“Did you want anything specific?” Gray stands at the foot of the bed, asking me what he should make me for breakfast. The last time he made me a special breakfast was…last summer?

“I wouldn’t say no to pancakes?” I reply. “I looove your chocolate chip pancakes.”

“I’ll get it started,” he walks over to kiss my temple and leaves.

The weirdest part is that I feel weird; I don’t know why but Gray doting on me like this made me feel claustrophobic and…weird!

I look out the window to the overcast sky. Same, I think. At least for a Sunday, it felt fitting.

I pick up my phone and check the last response from Harry. Since I got discharged he’d been texting me to see how I was feeling. I think he was feeling guilty even though I told him it wasn’t his fault.

I tried not to drink when I was upset because back in uni it led to some shitty situations but the other night I’d overstepped my rule and done this anyway. And paid for it. I should have known better. And after the absolute misery of yesterday’s aftermath—the migraine and the vertigo and the completely lack of appetite, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. Ever.

Today I feel a lot better. I still have a headache and I’m looking forward to breakfast with my painkiller, but the light doesn’t hurt as much and the nausea only comes back when I do too much.

You: I’ll be back in no time. Feeling better

Harry: I want you to feel the best so I’m banning you from working until Wed. And that’s conditional on you feeling better

Y: Doc said I can resume a lowkey version of my life after 48hrs

H: I didn’t like that doc. take my advice instead

Y: when did you get your md

H: same time you got yours

Y: I have an md?

H: being stubborn 101

Y: your jokes are a lot better when you text

H: cuz you’re not distracted by my face

Y: ooookay I’m no longer giving you the platform byeee

He was sassy, apparently. I never got this side of him before.

I read through the convo again and smile. But it hits me that it sounded like flirting. And that would be incredibly inappropriate. So I shove my phone in my bedside drawer and inch out of bed to join Gray.

We spend the day talking about a lot, but not about what we should talk about. Which, with the way I was feeling, was fine by me. At the same time it felt like we were both politely playing a role neither of us could put our hearts into. It felt shitty.

Gray has a session around 4 and I crawl back into bed, putting on a romcom I’ve watched a million times for comfort.

My body feels heavy and it has nothing to do with the concussion. The last couple days and my current relationship with Gray casts a shadow over my thoughts. I felt like making any decision was like wading through quicksand and running away just sounded better.

I rub my temples, hoping like a genie’s lamp, I could get an omnipotent spirit cast out and grant me easy wishes. I’d wish for things to go back to normal, for my heart not to be such a wretched thing. For clarity.

I pick up my phone and scroll to the one person I had run away from and have missed since. I didn’t talk to her very often but I thought I could use her no-nonsense approach.

My mom frets when I tell her what had happened. She goes quiet as I tell her I’d gotten drunk to forget about the troubles in my relationship.

“Relationships go through a lot of phases. It’s like going through those cave tunnels all made of rock and you gotta squeeze really tight sometimes just to fit through and continue on.”

“That is an amazing comparison mom, but I don’t know if this is one of those times. It feels like Gray’s already given up on us.”

“Well it’s been a long time he’s waited.”

“But he never said. He never talked to me.”

She sighs. “Your Grayson sure is a contemplative son of a bitch isn’t he?”

I laugh a little too hard and feel a pulse in my head. “I know. But then today he was so dang sweet—since I got home. He was so overprotective. And he made me breakfast mom and it made me realize I haven’t had that Gray in a long time.”

She’s silent on the other end. She knew there was more. How did I ever think, as a teen, my mom didn’t understand me? I think I just never understood her.

“But it felt weird.” I continue. “I feel horrible for saying it but I felt weird!”

“Was there heart?” She asks gently.

There wasn’t.

That’s what it was. And my heart weeps. All those actions without feelings.

“Have you thought about coming home?” Mom asks when the silence stretches. She always asked and I was the worst daughter in the world for never going back. The last time was when I graduated, for 2 weeks in which my family drove me crazy and I had been crazy in love with Gray and eager to get back to him.

“Maybe,” I close my eyes and slide down into bed.

“Your brother’s new girlfriend reminds me of that friend you had where she came on our camping trip and cried the whole time? What was her name?”

“Deanna? Mom I stayed friends with her all through high school! She was just very anxious.”

“I know! His girlfriend’s always darting about, jumping at tiny things. Reminds me of her.”

“Well Jace better be treating her right.”

“He does,” mom’s voice raises. “You should see them together. It’s cute but they’re still teenaged loves so I try not to break his bubble too much.”

Mom had definitely relaxed a lot since I was a teen. She had practically chased my first boyfriend away.

“Remember your first boyfriend?” She asks and I shout how I was remembering that too. We end up talking about old memories, and I feel a little more known and a little less lonely when I hang up.

Gray and I order takeout and I try to watch a movie with him but the strain on my eyes gets too much. I tell him I was going to bed and insist that he stays and finishes. I didn’t feel like watching him play boyfriend.

I’m eager to get back to work, for next week when I can go to Scotland for the MV. The eagerness comes from guilt but I carry both as I fall asleep.

***

I feel like a kid at Disneyland. Or maybe a Disney adult. Either way, I’m blown away getting to watch this MV come to life.

It’s long hours, a lot of waiting, and some shouting. But everything else is magic.

I came back to work last Thursday and other than an ear-splitting headache on the flight and a low-grade one when I stared at a screen too long, I was on my way to normal. When I got back to work Harry kept making excuses for me so I could work from the office but I refused to be treated differently and eventually he relented.

“It’s so freaking cold!” I jump up and down beside Harry by the cliffside. He’s just wrapped up a scene and the crew was taking a look at the footage to see if they needed anything more in this spot.

“Why don’t you put on more layers? Do you want an extra coat the crew might have-“

“No!” I continue wriggling around. “I’m heading back to the car in a few. This is an amazing view.”

“Isn’t it,” Harry turns to the sea that’s churning away much like my own heart these days. It feels calming to see it physically somewhere else.

We stand in silence except for my occasional teeth chattering and stare out to the view.

“Have you seen more of it?” Harry motions to the cameras. “What do you think?”

On this trip I’ve been giving my honest opinion, and I know I’ve offended Harry at least once but I didn’t come all the way here for my dream experience only to stroke his ego.

I tell him my take. We talk about the overall storyline about belonging and sacrifice until we’re interrupted with two hands holding out hot teas.

“You both looked cold,” the woman says. She was another assistant on set and I’m not sure what to do being waited on as a PA myself.

“Oh, thank you!” I make sure she knows I appreciate it. “That’s…that’s super kind thanks!”

She throws us both a smile and I stare at my cup, the heat tingling on my cold fingertips.

“Friendship and belonging yeah,” Harry starts up again.

“Yeah but also I like how you—your character, whatever, knows when it’s time to leave for his better growth. Sacrifice with his friend and sacrifice with the only home he’s known. Plus that’s a comfortable outfit.”

I tap a button on Harry’s jumpsuit. He grins. “You can have it.”

“I would be drowning in that you’re a lot taller.”

“We can have it altered,” he says. A shiver runs through me at we. I blame it on the cold.

I sip the tea now that it’s not scalding and find it’s a lot cooler. The open air, I guess.

“So you really love all this,” Harry says. “You weren’t joking about that excitement.”

“No I told you!” I flash to the night we did “nothing” which feels long ago. “I have a vivid imagination when it comes to music and I spent any spare courses on film so now I can interpret the heck out of any song and music video like my life depends on it.”

“We should get you back there,” he motions to the crew. “Get you on board.”

“Would I get the little clipboard and clapper?”

“Yeah!”

“Goals,” I sigh.

Little did I know, by Saturday as we’re filming our final scene one of the crew members hands me the clapper. He tells me I’m supposed to cut the final scene. I stare at him, thinking I misheard.

The clapboard hangs between us. He shakes it a little and I take it. It’s heavier than I thought.

“Harry asked if you can cut for the final scene, see the man behind the camera? He’ll look to you and give you the nod. Then you step in front and just do the thing.”

“Oh…” I’m still staring at the thing in my hand. My palms feel sweaty like it’s going to crash to the ground and break in two but that thought gets me to hold it closer. “Thanks.”

“Yep,” the guy walks away and I stare at the scene being filmed. Slowly I walk closer to the cameraman and he glances at me, notices the clapper, and smiles holding up two fingers.

He whispers something to someone beside him and they change the lighting. Harry walks off “screen” and I try to catch his eye to show him what I had. We catch it briefly and he winks before walking back onto the screen.

Oh my god! My heart is racing as I hold it in my hands. I had to chill. Or I’m gonna make a mess of things. It’s just a clapperboard and you’re saying one word!

Two minutes. I manage to calm down enough and when I get the signal I step in front of the camera and, as I see it later on, with the biggest grin on my face I clap down and yell “cut!”

Harry lets out a whoop and the crew cheers as the filming wraps up. I’m sure my eyes are wide as saucers as I go to Harry. He puts an arm around me and pulls me in, laughing because I tell him my heart is racing and how does he do tours when just that made me shaky.

“It gets easier,” we walk now with his arm around my shoulder. “One day you’ll be behind the camera shouting at me to move places.”

“Oooh getting to boss you around and get paid for it?” I look up at him and my breath catches because he’s handsome at every bloody angle. “Sign me up.”

He let me go and gives me a few tsks. Then he gets his phone and tells me to pose with the clapper and I do it happily. The picture shows a grinning girl with pure delight on her face.

“I’ll put that as your contact photo right,” Harry says as he gets into a jacket. “And that way at least when you call me with bad news I get to see a smile beforehand.”

“Har har,” I roll my eyes but I don’t hate the idea.

A lot of the crew decide to go out for drinks and dinner and Harry passes but I decide to go. I’d met some friendly faces and I would miss working with them, miss the overall energy, when we got back to London.

As I fall asleep that night, full and content, I realize I hadn’t texted Gray all day. I wake to check my phone and see he’d sent a text a few hours ago.

Sorry I was out for lunch with the crew. Babe it was sooooo fun I can’t wait to show you pictures when I get home.

I read the rest of his message asking how I was. I tell him my headache was gone and ask him about his week but I’ve fallen asleep before he can respond.

***

The morning I have to leave for tour I wake up way too early. Too much nervous excitement. I’d already brushed and checked my luggage was packed before crawling back into bed waiting for Gray to wake.

I watch him sleep, my eyes following the familiar contours of his face. We’d been making an effort at rebuilding the relationship since we agreed we at least had to give it a try after I got home from Scotland a month ago. On one hand it feels like starting a new relationship and also breathing easier because we were both on the same page. On the other, we’d finally started planning the wedding!

I would miss him, nearly 3 weeks away which is the longest we’ve been apart since we got together. Then I’d be home for 2 weeks, and away for the last week before Harry finishes with a couple shows in London. It was going to be epic and crazy as exhausted as I’ve been.

I huddle close to Gray and he stirs slightly but I kiss his neck to wake him.

“Hey,” he mumbles in his sleep.

“Morning,” I press another kiss to his face.

“What time?” He moves his head to kiss me back.

“Hmmm half past 7?”

He grumbles about it being so early but it stops shortly after with both of my legs on either side of him and my hair curtaining our faces.

“M’gonna miss your snooty face,” I say with another kiss. He finally opens his eyes and his hand comes up to hold my chin.

“I’ll be the one here missing you.”

“I’ll call every chance I get.”

“You’ll get to see so many new cities,” he says.

“Barely but I’m gonna try to make the most of it,” the travel schedule was hectic but I know there were a couple slower days I could use to explore cities. If I wasn’t completely exhausted.

“You’ll have a lot of fun,” he pushes my hair behind my ear.

“Remember Josie’s coming this weekend to stay the week.” Gray’s sister had taken the opportunity of a semi-empty flat to stay here while she studied for mid-terms. I had encouraged it so Gray felt less lonely.

“She’s gonna drive me crazy,” he huffs.

“Just behave,” I warn him.

“I don’t know how,” he smiles, rolling us around so he’s on top and showing me what misbehaving means. I don’t mind it a bit.

After a quick shower together we head out to the airport, Harry offered to pick me up on his way but I wanted to make sure I spent as much time with Gray as possible so he doesn’t feel like I was leaving him like before. I hoped he knew, at least, the effort I was making.

***

Stockholm, Hamburg, Oslo, and Copenhagen in one week. It was exhilarating and exhausting and hectic and so fulfilling.

I had seen Harry at small shows before but on the big stage he has a presence with a capital P. It’s amazing watching him perform and dance and be charming all over. He could be cheeky yet command the crowd at the same time. And despite all these sides he’s never inauthentic.

For the first time I’m able to take somewhat of a backseat. He already had his manager, tour manager, stylist, and tour chef with him to manage most aspects I would regularly. I became sort of an extra hand when I wasn’t having sit-down hours. That’s what I called the times I was sitting on the laptop sorting out future timelines for Harry’s life (and my wedding).

But I loved it. I’d pick a cafe close to our hotel and spend a few hours working. I’d call Gray during these times and if he was free we’d catch up on all I saw and he’d share stories with me until Josie crashed the conversation with stories of her own.

My eye bags require more concealer than usual and my body begs for nutrition but otherwise I love every second.

I’m back from my sit-down hours and get off the lift. Harry and his team were placed in the same hotel just down the hall from each other. As I approach my own door one of Harry’s band mates rushes out of his door looking stressed.

“He’s in a mood,” she huffs. “Don’t go in there.”

“Did something happen?” I ask.

She shrugs, “he gets this way. Usually at the start of tour I don’t know why. Kinda snappy just…give him space.”

I do as she says but the next morning as we wait to board our early flight to Paris he continues to be a dick to everyone.

“Maybe take a nap on the flight Haz,” one of his bandmates suggest. “We’re all bloody tired don’t be such a grump.”

“I don’t need a bloody nap stop treating me like a child.”

“What to do when you act like one.”

“You know what-“

“Woah hey c’mon.”

I startle at the commotion, I was starting to doze off but Harry rushing out of his seat and someone else stepping between him and Mitch wakes me entirely.

“Let’s stand there get some space.” Niji recommends.

Everyone follows the group away and it’s Harry, myself, and my bag left.

He glances at me, “Don’t you start too.”

“I wasn’t…”

“I could see it in your face.”

“What the hell? I was just napping I don’t even know what’s going on except that you really are being a dick.”

“There you go!” He points. “I knew you wanted to say it.”

“Guess I’m joining the others…” I pick up my bag and walk to everyone else. They’re all venting their frustrations for Harry and comfort me that he was an asshole to everyone.

It gets worse on the flight when our pilot announces we couldn’t land in Paris.

“What’s going on?” I ask our hostess.

“The weather, we apologize for the inconvenience folks but there is high winds and a lot of fog so it’s not safe to fly.”

“I have a show tonight,” Harry stands and starts to advance on the poor woman. “I need to be in Paris before 4 where are we landing?!”

“Sir we’ll be landing in the Lille airport. This is good because we’re only a few hours from the city-“

“For fuck’s sake,” Harry runs his hand through his hair.

“I understand,” the woman looks back at me and I nod, letting her know I got it.

“Harry we’ll only be delayed by a few hours-“

“I don’t have time for a few hours. We need to set up and run tests in Paris! We were supposed to be there yesterday but somebody booked the wrong shit!”

It was true, his tour manager had booked us for Monday morning rather than Sunday morning but at the time it hadn’t been a big deal since the show was 7 on Monday and we got an extra day to relax. Now it made things more stressful.

“Fuck this,” Harry mutters. The other members on the plane roll their eyes and put on headphones, sighing and looking out the window. It was obvious to everyone but Harry that this was just a minor setback.

I decide to be the idiot who enters the lion’s cage. Harry sits in the back of the plane jiggling his leg and trying to connect his phone to service.

“Are you trying to call Morgan?” I ask.

“No I’m trying to call the pope.”

“He might be sleeping.”

He looks up at me and if I wasn’t aware of how stressed he was I would laugh. Confused doesn’t even cover his expression.

“I don’t have time for this right now, I need to get to the show-“

“We have like a five hour wiggle room it’s just a minor-“

“I can’t perform thrown off like this!”

“There’s no reason to be thrown off!” I try to keep my volume contained but I can feel eyes on my back.

“I don’t need you right now just go.”

“So I guess the one week rule is true.” I mutter.

“What’s that?” He asks with an i-dare-you expression.

“I said the one week rule of you being an asshole on tour, I guess that was true. I wish someone told me I would have skipped it.”

“Well you could have skipped the whole thing and nobody would notice.”

His comeback is muttered but cuts like a machete and I feel like the words were physically slung at me. I stand there stunned, my heart sinking as he continues to fiddle with his phone until the call connects.

The shock wears off quickly leaving me with the familiar heat of anger. This was how I reacted to Harry and his dickish ways. How dare he? Why the fuck does he think it’s okay to treat me like this when he wanted? I clench my fist as his voice rises with Morgan.

But beneath the anger is a raw hurt, his words struck a nerve. The same one Gray had struck once. I was replaceable, and all the efforts I’ve put into my career were unimportant and unappreciated.

I snatch the phone from Harry, annoyed at hearing him talk at Morgan.

“Hey Morgan it’s Y/N, yeah it’s a minor inconvenience but if you can get a bus or something to the airport it should be…”

I look to the hostess and she flashes me two fingers and a shake of her hand.

“About 2 hours to get into the city.” I finish. I nod along to Morgan’s questions and repeat details back. “Yeah just text me on my phone, not Harry’s. We’ll sort this out.”

“Thank you y/n. I’m really glad you’re there today.”

The words are a feather on a pile of nails, it’s nice to hear but Harry’s cruel words still ring in my ear.

I hand the phone back to him, expecting a thank you or an apology, but he just takes it and slinks down in his seat.

“It’s her isn’t it?” Sarah gets up on her seat on her knees to look back at Harry. I pause as I walk up the aisle. Is was who?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry mutters with his eyes glued to his screen.

“It is,” someone else says.

“Who?” Claire asks.

“Don’t take his mood personally,” Sarah says to me. “Paris is a touchy city for him.”

“Do you guys ever shut up?” Harry asks.

“No that’s why we’re your crew,” Mitch responds.

“We understand,” Sarah continues. Who was she talking about!? “Just don’t take it out on us. It’s not nice.”

Harry doesn’t respond but I sense a deflating happening on his side. Sarah’s words had gotten through to him but they’d just made me super curious.

I get filled in as we wait at the airport for our bus—Morgan had saved the day.

I hear about Harry’s french lover and how he got his heart broken a couple years ago. How the last time they were in France he had disappeared for a day and they’re all sure he visited her. How he can’t go to Paris without getting in a mood, either because he doesn’t get to see her or he’s anxious about seeing her.

“That’s like a city-specific booty-call.”

“Kinda,” Sarah laughs. “But I think he grew really attached to her so it’s a bit—he’s coming back.”

Harry stomps back to where we are, a tray of coffee in his hands. His team accepts it without a word. The world’s most famous non-verbal apology.

I watch him wearily. I still wanted a verbal apology from him, was that crazy? What he said was deeply hurtful. And hearing about his French lover makes me feel a way that I don’t like so I shut it out. I stick to the anger instead. It was easier.

He starts to warm up as we board the bus, cracking jokes with his band. I pick a seat near the front and stay there with my headphones. Aside from answering Morgan’s texts I pretend to be asleep. Eventually I do.

Someone flicks my hat, “C’mon sleepyhead! We’re in the city of love.”

“Wha?” There’s a crick in my neck and I feel rusty. But Harry’s right, we’d landed in Paris. He hovers above my seat with a jovial smile but it dies the longer I don’t return it. Serves him right. He doesn’t get to be cruel and wipe it away with coffee and a joke.

He gets the hint and boards off. I grab the last of the bags and join the group in the lobby where Morgan greets Harry like his long lost son.

“The trials aren’t over just yet,” he cringes. “I don’t know why Paris keeps fucking with me but we’re booked tight for rooms.”

“What does that mean?” Harry asks.

“Uhm well,” Morgan clears his throat. “The hotel overbooked. We have 3 rooms between the 8 of us. Luckily I have a mate who lives in town so I’ll crash at his. The rest of you need to share.”

“Morgan you’re fucking with me,” someone groans.

“No I’m sorry. I booked 5 with an en-suite but they screwed up. They’re refunding us half—I fought for that at least. I can use that to put others in another hotel if you’d like but so far I’ve only managed one room with two doubles.”

“Claire and I can share,” Sarah says.

“Good, Mitch you good with the boys?”

“I’ve slept in worse places.”

“Uh y/n…would you like me to book you an extra room somewhere? I don’t want you to be far from the team-“

“She’ll stay with me.” Harry says. “I’m performing tonight and then we’re moving to Amsterdam tomorrow afternoon so…”

I squirm a little as all eyes fall to me. Cool. Casual. “Sure.”

“Sorted! Let’s get these bags up and out of the way. I’ll have a car waiting down here in a half hour so you can all freshen up and meet me again.”

We trudge along and get off on our respective floors.

“The truth is,” Harry says as we scan ourselves into our room. “I’m probably not even gonna use the bed for the night so it’s all yours.”

“Oh,” I look around the room. It’s got a french touch and a lush queen in the middle. I could deal with not having to share it. I’m sure my fiancé back home would be happier too. Even though I want to ask why I don’t. “Okay.”

We settle our things in silence and a part of me wants to break it and start talking about the ride and Paris but I’m still not over his earlier behaviour so I continue giving the bare minimum. He doesn’t seem to care.

We head off for tests and I end up falling asleep in one of the booths. The tiredness was really creeping up. I could sleep through all the noise the band was making.

A particularly loud screeching from feedback wakes me up. I look down to the group, everyone’s mostly broken up while tech crew tapes down some wires and connects equipment. Harry sits on the edge of the stage, swinging his feet and texting away at his phone. He’s different from the grump this morning. He’s lighter.

Charlie catches me looking and waves, I wave back. There’s a pit in my stomach that grows heavier as the day passes into night.

Paris is not the loudest but super engaged. Everyone has some reference to Harry adorned on their clothing or their face and I can tell Harry has a special connection to the group.

“And finally,” Harry says into the mic. “This is a special song for my French friends. Tonight has been a blessing and I want to merci beaucoup for showing up!”

The crowd cheers as the intro to his song comes on. I listen to the lyrics for the first time since hearing the song last year and connect the dots to what Sarah said earlier. Maybe this was the girl. Maybe this was why he wasn’t sleeping at the hotel tonight.

As we’re leaving the venue and I’m going through a mental list of everything we could have forgotten, we spot a familiar face around back.

“Riley?” Mitch spots him first. “Is that you mate?”

“Hey,” Riley like, Harry’s old assistant Riley is standing with a couple other people who are having a smoke. He squashes his and greets the band who apparently still feel fondly when it comes to him. He looks the exact same but my feelings towards him are curdled after knowing what he’s like and how he left us high and dry.

That leaves Harry and I still hovering by the entrance alone, staring at the reunion by the time Riley comes up to us. I guess the band knew his friends because they get to chatting. I remember then, Riley ditched Harry to work for one of his friends. Must be a small world.

“Why the long face you two, c’mon still not holding a grudge are we?”

“Riley,” Harry addresses him. I stay silent, watching Riley from where I stand behind Harry.

“Nice to see Y/N’s still sticking around. How are you liking tour life?”

“Did you come to the show?” I find my voice.

“Yeah,” he nods all friendly like this was casual and he’s done nothing wrong ever. “I might be biased because I worked for the guy but Harry Styles is one of my top artist. And I’m in Paris until the Fall so why not come support him.”

“Well,” Harry says in the same deadpan voice. “Thanks for the support Riley.”

Riley glances over at him, smug. He knows he’s annoying Harry. So maybe I wasn’t the only one who got enjoyment out of doing that.

“Oh c’mon you’re still upset with me jumping ship? It’s been months! Y/N we’re cool right-“

Riley moves to walk past Harry and to me but Harry side-steps to stay in his way. I look at Harry. So does Riley, confusion sliding away to amusement.

“Oh I see,” he steps back, arms crossed. “Harry you sly dog you did it again.”

“We’re going now,” Harry says. “Try not to show up at any other shows.”

Harry tried to leave and I take the few steps to follow but Riley starts again.

“So y/n you fell for his trick too? I’m disappointed I thought you were immune.” Riley continues. “How’d he get you to the bedroom? Lots of booze? Or did you not even make it to the bedroom? Was it being treated like shit that did it for you?”

“What?” Now in the middle, I look between the two, wondering how this conversation took such a bizarre turn.

“You have some obsession with me Riley?” Harry steps back towards us. “Because you sure enjoy making up stories in your head with me starring in it. Don’t rope y/n into them either.”

“Not all stories,” Riley stays smug. “Some of them I’ve seen with my own eyes.”

They had to be talking about the last PA. The story Riley told me. Which means he thinks I…

“You really should watch what you talk about,” Harry reminds him.

Riley turns his attention to me, “Y/N I thought I warned you good enough. But I guess you put out as easily as the last one.”

“Riley whatever drama you’re trying to-“

“Mate,” Harry gets in Riley’s face so he can’t even look at me. I go quiet. “Get the fuck out of my sight before I get security to kick you out permanently.”

“Being the knight in shining armour doesn’t really suit you Haz,” Riley says. With one final judgemental look thrown my way he walks away. I have to lay a hand on Harry’s arm just to keep him from lunging at him but as soon as my hand makes contact he brushes me away.

This whole interaction was ego-bruising. “Why did he think-“

“Ignore him.” Harry cuts me off, his back still to me. His band, having watched the final scene unfold, now awkwardly shuffles back to us. “You okay?”

“Yeah but why-“

“Good.”

He cuts me off from asking anything and I don’t get to push because the group tries to defuse the situation by changing the subject. That includes the girls inviting me for drinks at their favourite parisian place. Harry disappears and so do those answers.

I try to poke whether the girls at dinner knew anything about his last PA but they barely met her. So I’m forced to eat oysters when they find out I’d never had them and the subject changes quickly to new and other things.

“So oysters thumbs up or down?” I’m asked as I slowly eat another.

“Weird texture…ehh?” I hover my thumb in the middle.

“Well too bad your partner—what’s his name again?” They ask. I tell her. “Ooh good name. Too bad Grayson isn’t here to cash in on all these oysters.”

They laugh and I think I’m not drunk enough to laugh as much with.

It’s the wee hours of the morning by the time we get back to the hotel. I crash alone as soon as my head hits the pillow.

***

After three weeks of tour I’m ecstatic to get back home. I wanted to sleep in the same bed for more than a day, I wanted a shower with even temperature, and I wanted a home-cooked meal.

And I wanted Gray.

I even catch an earlier flight—the night before rather than the next morning. I build up surprising Gray so much that I end up being the one who’s surprised when I come home to an empty flat.

I double check I’d set my phone back to the right time but it’s nearly 11. He must be out with friends, not a client.

I want to call him but still hold the idea of a surprise so I take a shower instead, put a load of laundry in, and make myself a sandwich. I crawl into bed at 1, still no Gray.

I end up tapping through our friends’ stories and find him in one. At least I knew where he was. But 2/3 photos I can find of him, Bex is standing too close for comfort.

I can tell by the photos there’s nothing going on. From his end. The most contact they have is his arm around her shoulder but for some reason all of this makes me mad. I’d broken it down to him that he couldn’t talk with people who had a thing for him because they would only give biased advice. But he didn’t listen. He said I was reading into it too much. And here she was, gazing up at him in every damn photo.

I hate that I wasn’t even home for a couple hours and already found something to annoy me.

I must have fallen asleep shortly after because I wake to poking on my side.

“Y/n? Is that really you? Y/n? Y/n?”

Gray.

“Hi,” I turn in bed. “I’m home early.”

“Shit!” He stands and sways back slightly. Wow, he was pissed. I hadn’t seen him this inebriated in a hot minute. “You didn’t say!”

“I know I-“

“I thought I imagined you.”

“Nope all here,” I grit my teeth. Why was I annoyed at my boyfriend for having a life, I scold myself.

Why is he so drunk and is this a new thing or did he only get this way cuz I’m not around?

“You finally came back to me,” he slurs. He smells like a brewery as he climbs into bed and I wish I could force a shower on him but I get swept up in his arms. “Hey you were right by the way.”

“About?”

“About.”

“Gray! What was I right about?”

“I’m getting to it! You. Were right. About Bex.”

“H-how do you know?” Weird coincidence. Or not?

“Sheshe she tried to kiss me!” He falls back laughing in bed. “I said nooo cuz I have a fiancée. Y/N. Oops. She was maaad.”

My heart drops. I knew it. That little bitch! And she had to go and try to kiss my man when he’s drunk! I officially didn’t like her. And the story itself adds to my irritation.

“Wow. Crazy. I’m tired as hell so I’m going to bed.”

I turn and leave my back to Gray. I didn’t want to see him this drunk, this chill about someone I warned him about trying to kiss him.

He splays on the bed where he is, draping an arm over me and pretty soon I hear his even breathing. That annoys me too, that he could fall asleep so quick. His arm is a weight over my body and I feel like I’m sinking into the bed and out of view.

***

It’s like Grayson and I have forgotten how to live with each other.

What starts out as minor annoyances turn into bickering pretty quickly. Our 1 bedroom flat begins to feel cramped and I desperately try to cling onto the idea of us because I can’t fathom us fizzling out like this but my fingernails are raw from scraping threads.

Work is the easiest it’s been in a while. With no set working hours I just spend a few hours everyday doing admin and running errands. Otherwise, unless somebody calls me I’m free.

I thought it would be great. So much free time with Gray, we could continue planning the wedding and catch up again. But he busies himself with work, and when we go on dates he doesn’t make much of an effort to talk. It’s like getting to know him all over again except he’s a broodier version of himself. It makes me mad and I end up picking fights.

I book brunch with some of the girls on the last Saturday I’m home, thinking it might help to have space from Gray and see other people. I thought everything would be fine. And it is, on a surface level—they treat me perfectly normal.

Except the only time they gave me space to talk about myself went something like this,

“So Y/N how are you? Busy touring how is that?”

“Oh yeah it was great! Really taxing but fulfilling too. I went to so many cities I haven’t visited even though I’ve been in London for like 7 years? Copenhagen was one of my fave-

“Ooh. Yeah I really want to visit Copenhagen this summer.”

“Oh I love Copenhagen…”

And I was officially asked out of sharing my own life. The rest of brunch was me reacting to everyone else’s stories and having the subject change quickly after I brought up anything about myself. When I mentioned Gray casually, I could feel the judgement. It’s like they were waiting on me to complain about him so they could pounce. It’s a weird and tiring energy.

As we all say our goodbyes I manage to catch Rebecca alone.

“Hey Bex,” I stop her on the edge of the group. “I know we haven’t talked much lately but I just want to say I don’t appreciate the moves you’re making on Gray.”

She raises a brow, “moves?”

“He told me you tried to kiss him. Those kinds of moves.”

Her face pinches. “Well someone has to make some.”

“Excuse me?” She tries to walk away but I rush to step in front of her.

“It’s no secret you and Gray are on the road to a breakup,” she has the audacity to look judgey in that moment and I want to slap the look off her face.

“What the fuck do you know about me and Gray? Back. Off.”

“Hey what’s going on?” One of our other friends drifts towards us and I notice they’re all looking our way.

“Just a friendly chat,” I say with sarcasm you can’t miss. At the same time Bex responds, “Y/n’s being delusional.”

I was going to get physical, I step back towards her but our friends get between us. I think they knew uni me, and knew I wasn’t afraid of confrontation.

“What the fuck y/n?” I was so tired of the look on their faces, like I was crazy.

“She tried to kiss Gray!” I reveal. “Last week! I’m just telling her to back off and I have every right to!”

It’s news to them. They turn to Bex who’s fidgeting with her sweater as a flush creeps up her neck.

“I-I he did! He tried to kiss me!”

I snort, “I don’t have time for your bullshit Rebecca. I’ve gotta go.”

“Oh yeah we all know you don’t have time y/n, you’re so busy these days.”

“Bex!” Someone scolds her.

“Somebody better teach her hand to keep her hand over her mouth because I will get through all of you if it means getting to her. You know you guys don’t know shit about my life. And you don’t even care to these days! Just because Gray told his sob side you guys treat me like-like shit!”

“That’s not true-“

“It is! You don’t even know my side! And I don’t care to explain because you lot are supposed to be our friends, not the judge and jury of my relationship.”

They stare blankly at me and nobody denies it so I continue: “I try so hard to stay involved in your lives knowing I can’t make it to half of our parties, I’m always messaging you guys and trying to stay on top of your socials to know what’s going on in your lives. I feel like I make all the effort and I’m just made the pariah.”

It feels good getting it off my chest. It feels amazing. I feel like I’m breathing an actual lungful of air now.

“We’re sorry if we made you feel that way.” I look at who’s said this. One of my oldest friends from uni. I scoff.

“You’re sorry if you made me feel that way?! I just said you did!”

“Sorry,” she says, quieter.

“Y’know it’s…it’s disappointing. I thought, when we became best friends first year of uni nothing could shake the bond we had. Apparently a man you met 3 years ago who vented to you about your best friend was just the thing.” All their faces are small and nobody makes eye contact with me. “Anyway, I do have to go. I have an appointment. Let’s not do this again.”

I walk away, proud of myself for saying what I had to and getting it off my chest. For sticking up for myself.

But the farther away I get, the more the adrenaline crashes through me and I end up walking onto the tube on shaky legs and collapsing in my seat. The reality of what’s happened falls into my lap and I see a bunch of burned bridges.

I spend a couple extra hours out after my appointment. I’m not going anywhere in particular, I let my feet carry me through the city as my mind continues to whir.

Harry texts me, asking me to stop by his place before I fly back for tour tomorrow evening. Apparently the concierge needed all his mail picked up and he needed a few of the items. It annoys me that he waited last minute to ask.

When I get home at 4, Gray’s vacuuming the flat. He stops it when I come in.

“Hey.”

“How was brunch?”

It’s the way he asks. I know he knows. Which means a group chat exists with our friends and him without me. It feels like another betrayal. Who keeps their partner out deliberately? Who opens up their relationship like a hockey net, open for anyone to take shots at?

“Why’re you asking?” I feel another fight coming.

“I can’t ask you how brunch went?”

“Did you hear something? Let me guess, did Bex snitch?”

“No, chill out why would Bex snitch?”

“Grayson,” I look at him deadpan. “Don’t bullshit me. If you have any respect for me, which I know now is not a lot, don’t bullshit me.”

He sighs but doesn’t say anything more. Doesn’t lie and doesn’t tell the truth.

“So?” I ask. “Is there like a group chat or something?”

“Let’s just drop it-“

“No! I’m not dropping this when you brought it up. So is there? Did you disrespect me in front of all our friends by talking shit, and then do it even more by allowing them to ice me out in a group chat you knew I wasn’t part of?”

He doesn’t respond. My temper flares.

“The hurtful part isn’t even not being part of the chat, it’s that you didn’t tell me.”

It makes sense now. I was always initiating birthday messages there or privately, thinking everyone was forgetting to wish each other. Now I know I was public fool number one keeping that convo alive when they were probably all wishing each other elsewhere. God. I was an idiot!

“Look I’m sorry y/n, after you stopped showing up to things they just made a new one so they don’t bother you.”

“Oh is that why? Because that was active up until a few months ago. So according to the timeline it was probably when you fucked up and talked shit about me to all our friends and they decided I was a bitch and they should all cancel me! Well I hope you’re happy Gray!”

“I’m not! I’m sorry I didn’t realize-“

“Stop!” I slam my hand into the wall and it hurts harder than I anticipated but I bite back the pain. “Just admit it! You want to paint me as the bad guy so fucking hard, and I am in some ways I know I’m far from perfect Gray! But instead of talking to me like normal fucking people do, you just iced me out and then isolated me from the only friends I’ve ever made in this stupid fucking city!”

I can’t help the tears now even though I don’t want to cry. I want to rage and scream and throw things about but the hurt is bigger and it bubbles over the pot and sears my heart.

I leave my shopping bags where I’ve dropped them and walk back out of the door before he can come up with a response. I couldn’t stand to look at his face. He’s betrayed me over and over and the whole time I was desperately trying to show him I hadn’t changed and I loved him.

I walk the 40 minute to Harry’s and the early evening air helps me learn how to breathe again. I take in gulps of it and try not to cry. I didn’t want to waste tears on Gray and my stupid friends. I didn’t want to do any of this! I just wanted to press pause on my whole damn life and take a nap.

Outside his building I pull out my phone and make sure I don’t look crazed. My hand is killing me and I ignore the bruising blooming fresh.

The concierge spots me just as I enter, and we make small talk about Harry on tour and his last few shows that would happen in London. I make a note to mention to Harry to send him tickets—apparently his niece listened to him.

He helps me load a cart with Harry’s mail and take it upstairs.

It had been over a month since I’d been in here and it’s weird that it feels comforting. Or maybe that was just after two weeks of feeling like a stranger at home.

Harry’s words on the plane echo back to me. Not that I was appreciated here either.

If there was ever a time to go back home to the States, it would be now. But that felt like running away. I had to sort my life out here before I made any rash decisions.

With a sigh I dump the paper onto the coffee table. After sorting what looked like bills from letters from miscellaneous I spot the two envelopes Harry wanted and put it to the side. I open the boxes next and locate his custom orthopaedic inserts he asked me to grab too.

I take the extra mail to my office to sort out. In the familiar closed quarters where I’d spent too much time in the last year rolling through a hundred phases, my feelings edge out of me. I try to wipe the tears and continue on but I end up pathetically sat over on the chair crying until I can barely breathe.

It’s pathetic because this is the first space I’ve felt I had the space to cry. And it was where I worked. Where, apparently, I wouldn’t even be missed.

New tears. Less breaths.

“Get it the fuck together,” I say between gasps. “That’s. Enough.”

Through my own self-talk I manage to calm down enough to finish the work. It’s half past 8 by the time I get back to the main living area. I get water to rehydrate myself and stay sitting on the couch staring into space for another ten minutes. I don’t think I had any more tears to cry. Just a rock in place of my heart and another bigger one attached to my ankle.

“Okay,” I finally get the courage to head home.

The end isn’t big and explosive. It’s a simple statement: I think we both know what needs to be done now.

I don’t fight him this time. I have no fight left in me. I just nod.

“I’ll sleep on the couch and still drop you off tomorrow,” he reassures me.

“Just sleep in bed,” I couldn’t even muster enough energy for expression. My flat tone is how I felt. “You don’t fit on the couch. And I’ll get myself to the airport.”

“No I’ll take you. I’ve already made the arrangements-“

“You don’t have to worry about me anymore Gray,” I say. He looks crestfallen and it irks me that he does. I didn’t want him to be sad, it was ridiculous but it was.

“Well I’ll take you anyway.” He says then turns back to the TV.

I wash the day off and make sure everything is packed for my early flight tomorrow. As I lay in bed alone I realize this might be the last time I ever sleep here. Like this. I would have to move all my shit out. Oh god, the wedding. I’d have to cancel my dress shopping dates and the cake testing, the invites we were still designing.

We’d only told our friends it was going to be a winter wedding, I’m glad we never gave them a date. Nobody had marked their calendars. Nothing about us would been permanent.

I look down at the simple ring on my hand. Everything but that.

I keep it on.

I’m still awake when Gray comes to bed but I pretend to sleep. My mind can’t stop making lists to answer: what now.

I’m in a fugue state all night and the only thing that clears the fog is the rays of sunshine peeking through the blinds in the morning. I hadn’t slept a wink.

Quiet, so I don’t wake Gray, I get up and dressed. I order a taxi and try not to linger on the hurt of doing this alone. Of Gray waking up to an empty bed.

The flight to Madrid is a couple hours and I miraculously nap through it. Everyone is happy to see me when I get back, especially when I present them with snacks they’d all said they missed from home while we were on tour. With them in hand, I’m an angel in their eyes.

I hand Harry his mail and he stops me. His eyes don’t stop examining my face.

“What happened to your hand?” He asks.

I’d picked up a bandaging kit and ice pack at the airport and with the help of Youtube, wrapped it up. It had started to bruise even worse but I couldn’t be arsed to deal with it even though it hurt. Nothing a few painkillers couldn’t fix.

“I accidentally got it caught in a door,” I lie easily. I had practiced. “It’s nothing.”

“Did you get it checked?”

“No.”

“Make sure you do, tonight’s show.”

“Sure. It’s really nothing though.”

“You sure?” He asks. His gaze is unnerving.

“Mhm,” I nod.

He’s silent, eyes scanning my face. Right as I decide I couldn’t take the scrutiny he asks, “Why were you crying last night?”

I stare, unsure what kind of trick he was playing.

“Sorry.” He laughs to himself. “I have one of those uh, motion sensor cameras in the entryway. I turn it on while I’m away so it sends like, automatic clips if there’s movement. I saw you come in and leave.”

“Oh.” Shit. Think fast. Think fast. “I uhm, got into it with some friends I had a meal with. Y’know…they were being a bit icy cuz of what they’ve heard. I’m over it though.”

“Yeah?” His eyes flicker down to my hand.

“Yeah.” I hold his green eyes for a moment, to reassure him I’m okay. I don’t know why he cares, maybe because I looked like a right mess last night as I left. How embarrassing. But I do my best acting job ever.

Satisfied, he lets me go. I return to the group asking for updates and any stories they wanted to share. Before long I’m laughing along and creeping out of my depressed mood. But something heavier still lingers.

***

TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77

#writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #fic #harry styles angst #harry styles series #dos and donts #harry styles au #like I’m actually annoyed I had to split this up #because it’s supposed to get more interesting #ugh tumblr and its word limit…#musician!harry #well excited to finish the final part tho

142 notes · View notes

aechii · 1 year

Text

₍⁠₍ OF LOVE AND FASHiON ₎⁠₎

A/N ?! last fic for the day booooo 😥 i dont know if i will be able to post any tmrrw, but i hope i can. anyways enjoy my lovelies

p.s. there's a little written part in this but it's abt 500-600 words

[y/n]'s heart's racing. every palpitation hammers against her chest with much force, so much so that her full-upon-entry water has decreased to less than half left in just 30 minutes. the heat still fused with the air, but as the sun begins to sleep, it loses its energy, leaving a cool undercurrent that presses into the skin of all the attendees. she's so glad about the cooler weather, finding it completely unfathomable how she would've coped if the heat joined tham at night as well.

but the man seated beside her crashes all of her composure, and her body begins to feel hot and strangled.

she hasn't seen such a visually blessed male specimen in all the years of her living, and the fact that his body was so close to hers because of the crammed seating made matters worse. she can't think, breathe or concentrate on the influx of dressed models that come and go non-stop.

"you look disgusted."

the voice comes from right beside her, and her head whips around, startled. the man that has enraptured her entire conscience smiles goofily at her, and her heart wavers.

"what? me?"

"yes," he chuckles softly, "you."

his eyes turn back to the show before them, yet he continues speaking before [y/n] can justify herself, "i don't blame you, though. some of the outfits are... questionable."

his facial expressions are priceless, and [y/n] falls into a bout of laughter, "you're sick!"

he looks on seriously, eyes flashing with extreme judgement, "i'm not lying! how does anyone find pairing a skirt and baggy trousers aesthetic?"

the combination, that [y/n] had, most likely, missed from being consumed by her thoughts, makes her grimace, "yeah, that wasn't a good look at all."

he turns back to face her and, god, he stares so intently that she has to look away.

"speaking of outfits, what brand you wearing? 'cause i know it's not lv for sure, i'm not seeing any," he thinks of the right words, "over exposure of the logo."

"that's one way to put it," [y/n] snickers, looking down at her outfit, "i made it all myself... apart from the shoes of course."

the boy is taken aback, mouth agape and eyes wide, "no way!"

she begins to feel flustered by his reaction and just smiles.

"that's so cool, honestly. i would take more pride in that than wearing a slutted out luxury brand."

"slutted out?" [y/n] can't believe her ears; he's going to kill her, she's sure.

"how the hell did you come up that?!"

the boy purses his lips, looking smug, "i'm just that amazing."

"you're delusional."

he pretends to think for a moment, "delusional enough to think i'd get your number?"

[y/n]'s eyebrows shot up, "you want... my number?"

he doesn't hesitate to nod, "i don't think i'll be leaving without it."

jobe, who had been painfully listening in on their conversation, decides to make himself apparent, "don't do it, you'll regret it."

she turns around, coming face to face with a younger boy who looks almost identical to the one she had been speaking with for the past 15 minutes.

"you two brothers?"

the older one responds, "yeah, he's a cockblock though, don't listen to him."

"cockblock? jude, i'm trying to save her life!"

ah, so that's his name.

"clear off, jobe," he rolls his eyes, turning back to the girl sitting beside him, "sorry about that- so, your number?"

"don't do it!"

and much to his dismay, she does.

y/n_l/n

liked by judebellingham and 23,899 others

y/n_l/n paris photo dump !! met some cool ass people there lowkey

view comments...

judebellingham was lovely meeting you, such a vibe 😆

y/n_l/n you too!! <3

yfn__ best time of my life honestly

y/n_l/n paris at night is a sight to see

user1 you look GORGEOUS

user2 i really missed pfw just a day after i left france </3

user3 JUDE????

user4 I'M ACTUALLY SO SHOCKED

user5 😮

user6 WE FOUND HERRRRR

user7 and jude beat me to it already 😐

judebellingham

liked by y/n_l/n and 899,231 others

judebellingham ❤🇫🇷

view comments...

y/n_l/n love the after party candid, send it to me plz xx + tell jobe i'm sorry but not sorry

judebellingham you look so pretty in it ofc + he'll see it anyways xx y/n_l/n @/judebellingham stop plz 😭🛑 jobebellingham @/y/n_l/n buy me croissaints and maybe i'll forgive you

jadonsancho freshh 🔥

user1 who's that girl in the last pic????

user2 someone who he met at the lv show, got her number and everthingggg 😭

user3 AND SHE KNOWS JOBE TOO? that's my chance stripped unrightfully away from me </3

user4 icel, she's gorgeous AAAAA

user5 this is my 13th reason

#work de aechii 🫧#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham angst #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham romance #jude bellingham #jude bellingham headcanons #jude bellingham fanfic #borussia dortmund #football imagines #footballer x reader #footballer x you

483 notes · View notes

sanjisblackasswife · 2 years

Note

LITERALLY IN LUV WITH UR WORKS??????

could i request a monster trio + ace (and any other character you’d like) reacting to their y/n throwing it back on them during one of their end-of-saving-a-country banquet ???

take your time 🫂

A/N: Got me blushin and shiiii skskskssk thank u sm! But I gotchu I gotchu thank u:)

One Piece Men Reacting to You Shaking Your Ass/Grinding On Them

Ft. Monster Trio + Ace

CW: I—idk I guess some sex is insinuated, but not described i—

Luffy

Y’all know that one little animation they did of all the strawhats dancing and Luffy, Brook, Sanji, and even Chopper was thrusting their hips in the air?

Yeah that’s what he is doing to you as you all dance.

You didn’t think Luffy could move like that it was kinda hot so when he pulled you and started to thrust upwards you knew it wasn’t him trying to be sexual but it was a bit of a turn on none the less.

You felt his arms stretch twice around your waist to pull you closer to his pelvis

You wasn’t sure if he was being intentional with that or not

He began to dry hump you at this point and you all were having fun and so you said why not

“Y/N!”

Luffy laughed with a huge smile on his face looking down to feel your butt twerk on him.

It felt so good to him feeling you in between the fabric

Both of your bodies was on beat to the music and nobody seemed to have noticed their captain practically fucking you through your clothes

“Y/N!…can we go somewhere private and finish?”

You didn’t know what he meant by finish until you turned to see a small tent in his pants

Zoro

He’s not much of a dancer, but you really wanted him to be

“No.”

“Just one song!”

He’d rather drink himself half into a coma.

You stayed on his lap for most of the night but you had an itch to dance.

You were so focused on the party scene you didn’t realize what you were doing.

“Y/N!”

“Hm?”

His face was flustered, you assumed because he was drinking but you remembered he doesn’t get drunk. His arm was tightly wrapped around you, dull nails digging in the fat of your stomach

The entire time you were grinding and shaking your hips on his dick KSHSGDSOSK

He didn’t know you could move your hips like that and he enjoyed the show for a second until he felt himself get hard

“Why don’t you show me those moves in my room?”

“…Gatta dance with me on the dance floor once though.”

“No.”

“Then no pussy.”

“I DONT LIKE TO DANCE Y/N!”

Sanji

Well if you wanted to kill him then you got it.

It was all just innocent swaying of the hips, until you started to feel the music a little too much

You began to grind and twirl your lower body against Sanji as he was behind you.

His eyes did not leave your ass shaking on his dick it was so beautiful and tantalizing

You suddenly felt a tight heavy weight against your back and waist and you stopped

Mf was Like that gif above but on your back.^^

“Oh Y/N you feel so a-amazing! I love you so much! —please marry me we can make so many babies!— I love you please don’t stop! I love you! Marry me please! Your body is the b-best! I am in h-Heaven!”

You just stopped dancing at this point but he kept blabbering for the next two minutes with the tightest grip you could ever feel from him.

He doesn’t even grip this hard when y’all have sex

You had to get Usopp and Frank to pry him off of you because you felt your dress rising way too high but you couldn’t move your arms due to a certain blonde.

He asks you to dance with him everyday now

Ace

Poor boy creamed his pants.

You were already wearing his favorite short skirt with a red thong under it and when he pulled you into dance his hands were rubbing all on you.

You started to move your hips laughing with him

His face was so flustered when you turned around and just shook what your mama gave you fr.

“F-FUCK!”

You felt risky with him rubbing your sides and inching closer to your butt each time you bent over and started to shake.

Biggest mistake

Ace was already a bit drunk so he started to dry hump you a little.

And by a little I mean a lot

You had to stop because you felt the bottom of your butt feel kinda damp?

“Wait wait don’t turn around just…common.”

He did indeed take you back to his room and that’s when you found out about the mess he made before of you

2K notes · View notes

siampie · 3 months

Text

Risk and Reward||Chapter 8: La Vie en Rose

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Summary: In the aftermath of your night of passion with Matt, you are trying to determine what is the nature of those new feelings that are arising.

Warnings/tags: 18+, MDNI, smut, p in v, oral (male receiving), protected sex (wrap it before you tap it folks, always.), lots of fluff

A/N: Here it goes, a little more smut in this chapter.

Previous Chapter || Chapter List || Next chapter

Masterlist || join my taglist

Tag list: @marytheweefrenchie; @sunflowersandsapphires; @abbyhaslongshorts; @schneeflocky; @danzer8705;

@ebathory997; @sarraa-26; @cheshirecat484; @rebeccapineapple

Dividers by @cafekitsune

Song the title is referring to:

Il est entré dans mon cœur (I welcomed in my heart)

Une part de bonheur (A piece of happiness)

Dont je connais la cause (Of which I know the reason)

C’est lui pour moi (It’s him for me)

Moi pour lui dans la vie (Me for him, in this life)

Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie (He told me so, swore it for life)

Et, dès que je l’aperçois (And as soon as I see him)

Alors je sens en moi (Well, I can feel inside of me)

Mon cœur qui bat (My heart beating)

You had not stirred up in your sleep when Matt slid out of bed. He huffed out a quiet laugh when you let out a soft snore. He had quietly gotten dressed, putting on grey sweatpants and a dark shirt. He only hoped he had food in his fridge, enough to cook some breakfast. Matt didn’t have a habit to stock his fridge with food, although he would argue he was getting better at it. His ears were on you while he was cooking breakfast. A slow lazy grin pulled at his lips as he remembered the night before. Your body going on overdrive while you offered yourself to him. He loved the way your body had reacted to him, to his voice and his touch.

Matt considered himself lucky to have found you. It was probably too early to say that he was lucky. Maybe he would ruin it one way or the other, as he always did. He just couldn’t help but enjoyed the way you always reached out to him when you were together in a room. Always seeking his touch as though you couldn’t get enough of it. He never wanted you to stop. He was also aware that he would have to let you know about the Devil. He was just afraid that once you knew, you would just stop. That you would want nothing to do with him anymore. And he didn’t think he could bare the thought of that happening.

You padded into the living room as he was pulling two cups out. A slow smile pulled at his lips, you were wearing his shirt. And as you wrapped your arms around his middle from behind, he could smell himself on you. You buried your face between his shoulder blades while he poured the coffee.

“How did you sleep?” Matt asked you, his hand wrapping around one of your wrists. He pulled you around him, so, you could face him.

“Amazing.” His arms wrapped around you. You yawned, burying your face in his chest.

“Not a morning person, uh?” He chuckled.

“Not really,” you grumbled.

“Hopefully, some coffee and breakfast might make it better.” Matt suggested, his lips met your temple tenderly before he steered you to the small table.

Rubbing sleep out of your eyes, you took in the sight of Matt bringing breakfast to you. It was a beautiful sight. Something you could get used to. He placed the plate in front of you, and your stomach grumbled at the smell of the omelet. You were not much one for breakfast, it was one coffee and nothing less. But you had worked up an appetite from the night before, and now you were famished.

“How do you take your coffee?” Matt asked from the kitchen.

“Black and three teaspoons of sugar.” You answered. “Is that bell pepper?”

“I had some left in the fridge. And thought I could make it fancy.” He answered, shrugging off one shoulder.

“Well, it does look fancy.” You smiled at him. “Smells delicious too.” You thanked him as he put the coffee cup in front of you. He tilted his head slightly, his unseeing eyes focused somewhere over your shoulder. “What?”

“You’re not eating.” He said sitting across from you.

“Oh—I’m waiting for you.” You shrugged smiling.

“You don't have to wait for me.” He smiled softly, grabbing his own fork. "Just go ahead."

“Bon Appétit.”

You felt pleasantly sore from the night before. It felt so surreal for you to be sitting here, having breakfast with Matt. He wasn’t your first boyfriend by no means, although your previous relationships weren’t as successful. You never truly worried about them, but sitting here with Matt, enjoying your breakfast, you were expecting for the other shoe to drop. You were expecting for something to go wrong. Because you were happy, because it mattered.

You were sure it was too soon to say anything. It had barely been a month. And maybe, you weren’t entirely thinking clearly. You had just woken up. And the night before, you and Matt had engaged in sexual intercourse for the very first time. And that feeling in your chest was probably the result of that. Maybe, you were getting your feelings all mixed up. You might feel different tomorrow. But right in this moment, you didn’t want to have breakfast with anyone else but him. The truth was, you didn’t want just anyone. You wanted him. And that truly scared you.

The truth was, you really, really liked him.

“Are you okay?” You asked him suddenly; you were both cuddling on the couch in the quiet apartment.

“What?” Matt exclaimed, a laugh escaping his lips.

“I’ve seen the scars, Matthew.” Your hand ran along his chest, where you knew the scars to be. Matt tensed under your touch. You looked up at him, sensing the shift in the air. “I’m sorry—I—”

“No, it’s okay—it’s just—um—” He cupped your jaw, “I will tell you all about it. Everything. Just not today.”

Your eyes roamed his face, it sounded like a promise. Although, he didn’t look comfortable about the topic. You didn’t know what had happened to him, you were curious. Those scars were almost identical, and you could only imagine how terrible and deep these wounds truly were. Matt wasn’t comfortable with this subject; you could feel it in the way he had tensed under your touch. You weren’t going to push.

“It’s okay.” You reassured him. “I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” You moved up so you could kiss him.

You would be patient, and you’d be there to listen. There were certain things that people had a hard time to share, just like you. There were certain things you weren’t ready to share with him. Things from your childhood, you had yet to come to terms with. Memories that were long forgotten. Mainly because your brain had decided to block them out. And only in recent years, some of them had come back. And feelings, emotions you had felt at the time had washed over you. And you wished they had remained repressed a little longer.

Maybe Matt wasn’t ready to revisit something that had been traumatic at the time. And you didn’t want him to revisit it for your own curiosity. So, you would ignore the subject of his scars and not bring them up. Not until he was ready to share his story with you.

You would wait for him.

“Someone had a good weekend.” Amelia commented when you joined her at the foot of her building.

“It was okay.” You shrugged, repressing a smile.

“Okay, uh?” Amelia repeated while you both started to walk together. “That’s it.” She shoved you lightly. “Come on, it was more than okay, wasn’t it?”

You giggled, “yeah, it was.” Amelia jumped up and down, next to you. “It was amazing.”

“You need to give me more than that.”

“No, I won’t kiss and tell. All you need to know is that—Matt is—an excellent lover.”

You and Matt had spent most of Saturday together, but eventually you had to go home. You had borrowed a fresh shirt and gym shorts to go home. And briefly, you had smelled like him. You were truly happy in this new relationship. Was that the honeymoon phase? Where everything felt great, carefree and happy. Where it felt as though nothing could go wrong. You wanted this—honeymoon phase to last for as long as possible. Before life and God came to the realization that you were happy and they just needed to ruin it for you. Before Matt realized you were too much to handle.

You were convinced your mother had walked away for this very reason. You were too much for her. You loved too much, you expected too much in return and she couldn’t handle it or didn’t want to. You didn’t know.

You were too much and also not enough. Not enough for her to stay. Not enough for her to come back. Not enough for her to love. You were simply not enough.

Your father had made you feel the same too. You were too emotional, too dramatic, too generous. As he was, by the way. And at the same time, you weren’t doing enough. You weren’t doing enough around the house. Or you weren’t doing chores fast enough. Or you weren’t making enough money. Whatever you did, was just not enough for him.

You had learned to give yourself some grace over the years. You have learned to love yourself and be kind to yourself. Still, this ill thought of being not enough and too much at the same time kept creeping back. Making you doubt and question relationships, people and yourself.

You should relax and let yourself enjoy this relationship with Matt. But in the back of your head, there was this small voice that kept telling you;

This is too good to be true.

“Alright, stop that!” Amelia bumped her shoulder into yours.

“What?” You turned to her quickly.

“This,” she waved her hand over your form. “The voices in your head are wrong.” She leaned closer to you, “listen, you are happy, right?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Very much.”

“Then don’t let those voices ruin everything for you.” Amelia reassured you. “Matt couldn’t take his hands off of you. He really likes you. Have a little faith in him.”

“It’s not him the problem.” You said, Amelia laced her arm with yours. “It’s me. I’m sure I’m going to do something that will—put him off.”

“Like what? Loving on him too much? Giving him head?”

“I’m serious, okay?” You snapped. “I always find a way to drive the people I love away. Or I’m the one who ends up walking away. And I really don’t want that happening with Matt.”

She let out a deep sigh, “Trust me, it won’t.” You looked up at her. “You won’t drive him away, and you love him too much to leave now.”

“Never said anything about love.” You stammered out, panicking that you had let something slipped.

“Oh, honey.” She huffed out a laugh as you neared your workplace. “Don’t worry, it’ll be our secret.” She winked at you.

Matt threw the empty bag of take outs while you finished up washing the dishes. His arms wrapped around your waist as you dried off your hands. His nose buried in your neck; you heard him inhale deeply. You brushed your fingers in his arms lightly.

“How early do you have to go to work tomorrow?” You asked quietly.

“Well, that’s the perks of being your own boss. I can afford being a little late.” Matt lips trailed up your neck, finishing their course on your jaw.

You both started swaying, “do you want to spent the night?” You asked him timidly.

“I’d love that very much.” He whispered against your ear.

A small smile pulled at your lips. As you turned around in his arms, your arms wrapping around his neck, your fingers grazing at the hair on the nape on his neck. You kissed him hard on the lips. You had missed him and you couldn’t wait any longer to have him again. His hands slid down your ass, squeezing it gently. The action pulled a quiet moan out of you.

“Matty?” You panted pulling away, he chased after your lips. “I want to try something.”

“What?”

Without a word you pulled him into your bedroom. Nervous of even breaching the subject, you just decided to initiate it. You had thought about it for a while. You pushed him down onto the bed.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?” Matt pushed himself up on his elbows.

You started to unbuckle his pants, “I just—I want—”

His hands rested on yours as he sat up, “you don’t have to do that. I’m not expecting you to.”

“I know.” You nodded, your hands sliding on his thick thighs. “But I really want to. And if you’re open to it, I would love to do this for you.” You pushed him back with a kiss on his lips. “Just let me take care of you tonight, okay?”

Your heart was hammering in your chest as you kept kissing him. You reached down to grip him through his pants, slowly stroking him. His fingers entangled in your hair; he pulled your bottom lip between his. You kept stroking him, moans falling from his lips. You let go of his cock, only to open his shirt. You kissed down his jaw, his neck, his chest. You felt his stomach tensed under your lips, tight in anticipation. Your hands reached for his belt, unbuckling it. You knelt between his legs, pulling down his pants, coming face to face with his bulge.

You swallowed your saliva, your breath growing shallow. So was his. You pulled down his boxer, he hissed when the cold air hit his leaking tip. You gripped him at the base. You licked at the salty pre-cum, a needy moan pushing past his lips, one of his hands finding the back of your head.

This was more for you than for him, really. You didn’t really have a good experience when it came to giving oral. You've had partners that had shown themselves forceful. They pushed you beyond your limits which had soured your experience. You wanted to do this for Matt as he had done for you. You wanted to enjoy it. And you trusted Matt enough to try it with him.

You wrapped your lips around his length. His fist tightened in your hair, pulling at them. But he wasn’t pushing your head down on his cock. You couldn’t take him entirely; you didn’t want to gag. So, you went slow, each time swallowing more of him, before coming back up to the sensitive head.

Matt’s head was thrown back against the bed, his eyes shut tight. Moans rising from his chest, cussing every time you go down on him. His free hand fisted the sheets on the bed, as he struggled not to buck into your mouth.

You felt yourself becoming wet as he came undone. The groans and moans you pulled out of him, made you clench your thighs, seeking for some sort of friction to alleviate the pressure that was building. You pulled him out, to breathe, stroking him with your hand.

“Sweetheart—” He moaned out, lifting his head. “I don’t—I don’t think I can last any longer, fuck, please—”

His words died on his tongue when yours swirled around his tip, before taking him again in your mouth. This time you took him a little deeper, your throat hurting a little. You pulled back slightly, he jolted when your tongue rubbed along the smooth head.

He was so lost in his pleasure that he couldn’t hold back anymore. He bucked into your mouth, his fist tight in your hair, pulling at it. You groaned at the sensation; Matt was losing control under your tongue. He was close, nearing his climax. Pleas fell from his lips, begging for that push over the edge.

Without warning, he erupted on your tongue, warm and salty. A filthy moan came out of his lips, your weeping cunt demanding for attention, clenching painfully around nothing. You swallowed it all down, your tongue rubbing against him once more, as he softened in your mouth. You let him fall from your lips, laid a kiss on his thigh, before moving to lie down next to him.

A slow blissed out smile pulled at the corner of his lips. Panting, he turned his face to you.

“Are you okay?” You asked him, your head resting in the palm of your hand. Your hand ran along his torso.

“Yeah, I’m more than okay.” Matt cupped your jaw, pulling your face to his, tasting himself on your tongue. His fingers brushed down your jaw, his hand gently wrapping around your throat. “That was amazing, sweetheart.”

“You enjoyed it, I take it.”

“Very much.” You giggled at his words, leaning over to kiss him. His hand pawed at your thigh, pulling you to him. “You’re wearing too much clothes, sweetie.”

You pushed off of him, to get rid of your clothes while he got rid of his shirt. You crawled back into the bed, and straddled him. His fingers finding your dripping cunt. A filthy moan escaped your chest.

“Shit, you’re so wet.” His finger slid easily into you, his thumb circling your clit. “Is this for me?”

You nodded; your eyes shut tight. You whimpered, “only for you.”

“You enjoyed it, didn’t you, sweetheart?” You nodded, your hips bucking into his hand. “Sucking me off, got you this wet, uh?”

“Yes!” You cried out. Your hand clamped around his wrist when you felt yourself nearing the edge. “I need—to feel you inside—” you panted out. “Please, Matty.”

He pulled his fingers out, while you reach for the condom. You stroked him a few times, his cock hardening in your hand once more. Heavy and warm. You rolled down the condom onto his shaft, before guiding him to your entrance. You slowly slid down onto his cock, taking him slowly, adjusting to him.

Your hands were on his bare chest, your eyes snapping shut as you paused. You sunk lower onto his cock, he filled you entirely.

“You’re taking me so well, sweetheart.” He praised you, your eyes rolled in the back of your head. “Just like that.” He panted, his hands resting on your hips.

Once he was fully inside of you, you rolled your hips. He let out pleased and throaty moans. You enjoyed it. His eyes were clamped shut. Setting up a slow pace, you grinded along him, his hands cupped your breasts. He kneaded the flesh as you rode him.

"Shit," you hissed. Matt unravelled beneath you, his eyes clamped shut. His hands pawing at you, going from kneading your breasts to gripping your hips. As though he didn't know where to put his hands. He looked erotically beautiful.

His grip on your hips tightened, your fingers clamped around his wrists. Your head fell back on your shoulders, his cock squeezed by your walls. Your moans and groans echoed in the room. Your hips rubbed along him, your pace unsteady as you grew tired.

Matt sat up, his arms wrapped around your back. He pulled you into his chest, his lips latching onto yours. Your hips kept grinding along him, your arms wrapped around his back. He flipped you over, switching your position.

"Oh, fuck!" You cussed, the action catching you by surprise.

It was hot that he switched your position without having to pull out.

"Doing so good for me, sweetie." Matt praised you quietly.

He bucked into you, he was now the one in charge, setting up the pace. Your hands gripped his back tighter, his lips found your pulsing point, in the crook of your neck. You naively thought that the novelty of your relationship, it being the first time sleeping with him, had made the experience so much more enjoyable. You were wrong. The second time around, you didn’t fare any better. You were stuck halfway between a panic attack and rolling around like a cat in heat. Matt’s expression, whenever you could focus long enough to see them, were as lust filled as yours felt. His pulse seemed to be galloping along about neck and neck with yours.

You gave out a sudden cry when he slammed hard into you. Your nails dragged down his back, eliciting a groan out of his chest. Matt pulled back and slammed again into you, without warning your cunt clenched around him. A loud moan echoing through the room, Matt kept bucking into you while you orgasmed, white dancing behind your eyelids.

Your toes curled; your legs tightened around his waist, shaking. Matt kept thrusting into you, slowing his pace as you came down from your high. Your hands raked through his hair, slick with sweat. Your lips latched onto his, swallowing his moans and groans.

“Matt, faster—please.” You panted out, building up to another climax.

He complied. The tip of his cock brushed along the spongy spot inside of you. A whimper escaped your lips, filthy and needy. The sounds you made spurred Matt on, he bucked into you a little faster. Stars erupted behind your eyes, as he kept pushing on this spot with the tip of his cock.

“One more—just one more.” He breathed out in your ear.

“Fuck, yes!” You cried out, gripping his back, tightly.

Matt lowered himself to kiss you deeply as he kept pounding into you. White dancing at the edges of your vision, his thrusts growing sloppier. Your mouth opened, breaking the kiss, to let out a guttural moan. His hips stuttered to a stop, his forehead falling in the crook of your neck, a loud groan rumbling through his chest.

Your pants filled the room, both of you a sweaty mess. His lips brushed on your neck, kissing down your shoulders. Both of you were slowly coming down your high. After a few minutes, he mustered up the energy to pull out of you.

Your hand reached out to his arm, weakly pulling him to you. Matt huffed out a little laugh as he moved closer to you. You kissed his cheek, resting your forehead against his temple. You threw your leg over his hip as he pulled you as close to him as possible.

“I missed you, Matty.” You kissed him softly, “I really did.”

Matt chuckled. “That's good to hear cause I missed you too." His hand rubbed along your thigh. "A lot."

A small smile pulled at your lips, his words filling your chest with a warm feeling. Making your heart swell with—joy, and something else. Something you weren’t entirely ready to face. You thought it was too soon to feel that way about him. And maybe, it was the novelty of it all. Everything was new and beautiful; the sex was great. And your hormones may influence you in that way. This wasn’t love, it probably was the post-coital bliss.

It didn’t matter in the moment though. You were perfectly satisfied falling asleep in Matt’s arms. You could truly get used to this.

“What?” You leaned closer to your mirror. On your neck, a large copper-rich bruise was on display. “Matt!”

“What’s wrong?” He turned to you, tying his tie loosely around his neck.

“You left a hickey on my neck.” You groaned, pointing to your neck. “A very large one too. When did you have time to do that?”

“Well—” Matt smirked, his hand coming up to brush against the offensive mark. “We did get carried away last night.”

“Amelia is gonna have a field day with this.” You grumbled, pouting.

Matt snorted before resting his lips on your brows. “I’m sure it’ll be alright.”

“Have you met Amelia?” You pulled back slightly to glare at him. “She’s merciless.”

“I can imagine,” he pulled you into his chest, burying his nose in his favorite patch of skin.

“Matt?” He hummed in your neck, both of you swaying. “We’re going to be late for work.”

“Or we could stay in bed all day.” He suggested, inhaling deeply. “Naked together, getting to know each other better.” His fingers travelled up and down your spine.

Your breath hitched in your throat. His voice, and his fingers on your spine, ignited the fire in the pit of your stomach. You would love nothing more than to stay in bed with him all day long. But he had his practice than needed him, and you had datelines to meet.

“As tempting as that sounds, and as much as I would love to, we can’t.” You reasoned. “Tell you what,” you pulled away slightly. “We can make that happen this weekend.”

“You’re full of good ideas, sweetheart.” His lips tugged up at the corner.

“Always, my good sir.” You replied back, “come on, hurry up, you still need to stop by your apartment.” You padded back into the bathroom. “We’re definitely going to be late.”

Previous Chapter || Chapter List || Next chapter

#matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fic #matt murdock smut #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x fem!reader #Spotify

60 notes · View notes