#i don’t talk about sam much but i truly am in love with him

[jjunieworld]

february 14th 𓍼 🌾 ·˚ ༘

pairing: kang taehyun x fem!reader

genre: angst, some fluff if you squint, strangers (kinda) to lovers, college au, major character death, death in general (both on page and mentioned), kinda dead dove, talks about grief

synopsis: this has to be the worst day of your life. and just your luck, the day keeps repeating. over and over again. and you don’t know why. you get to relive the same day where you finally garner the courage to ask your crush, kang taehyun, out and get to relive the part where he rejects you each time.

word count: 13.6k┊masterlist

a/n: omg first 10k+ word fic!! happy birthday tyun!! this is lowkey inspired by a manga series called orange (which is one of my all time favorite mangas! you should really check it out because it’s so so so good but please look up tws), that one episode of supernatural where sam repeats the same day, and lowkey life is strange lmao. i am so so sorry my baby hyuka :( this was really interesting to write tho, so i hope you enjoy! ♡

if you had to experience another valentine’s day over again, you’d personally find and kill cupid yourself. you were sick of this day, sick of your confession, sick of the stupid crush you had. and most of all, you were sick of being stuck in this fucking time loop.

you don’t even know how you got in this situation. how the universe decided that, yes, y/n should experience the day where she gets rejected by her crush over and over again! wouldn’t that be so much fun? rest assured, it is not.

no matter what you did, your confession of liking kang taehyun always came to the surface, no matter how much you avoided him. whether that be from your actual mouth, or from someone else’s somehow. you didn’t even know how, since you haven’t told anybody about your crush—well, except your roommate chaewon, but that was purely coincidental and you were sure she wouldn’t tell anyone. and no matter what you did, or how you acted, or how you dressed, taehyun would always reject you.

this all had to be some sick joke that everyone was in on. what was the point of it all? you sighed as you woke up in your room, once again, on valentine’s day.

you looked over to your nightstand like you have for the five hundred and forty-seventh time. the confession letter you had spent so long on the night before—well, not the night before—was laying there. it's pretty pink paper with elaborate cursive writing, love doodles, and glitter mocking you. you glared at it as you got ready for your classes. you had tried once to leave it at your dorm room, to not give it to taehyun at all, but then your roommate showed up with it in the hallways.

“y/n! you forgot your confession letter to taehyun!” your roommate, chaewon, had practically yelled as she jogged over to where you were coming out of your class. heads turned to the both of you and you wished you could be six feet under. you quickly glanced around and made direct eye contact with taehyun, who was frozen mid stride with an open notebook in hand. you fled the scene and avoided him like the plague for the rest of the day, only for him to come up to you himself as you were getting lunch a good ways away from campus. “hey… about the confession letter… i’m really flattered, truly, but it just isn’t gonna work between us. i’m not looking for a relationship right now, i’m sorry.” he had said, before turning and walking away, leaving you gaping in the restaurant.

those words have been replaying in your head over and over for the past five hundred and forty-two loops. “it just isn’t gonna work between us,” at least he was kind about it.

you were tempted to just stay in your pajamas, but you’ve already done that last loop. yawning as you put your bookbag over your shoulders, you exited your dorm room and made your way to your first class of the day. no matter how much sleep you get in each loop, you were still dead tired. courtesy of staying up all night the night you made the confession letter.

realization hits you and you turn back towards your dorm at the same time that chaewon comes out of it, your confession letter in her hand. “y/n, you forgot your confession letter!” the both of you say at the same time, you mainly copying what she has said so many times before. “i know,” you added. chaewon’s eyes widened in shock, a smile spreading across her face. you took the letter from her and shoved it deep within your bookbag, definitely crumpling it.

“i’m in a time loop, chaewon. i know exactly what you’re gonna say.” you sighed and ran a hand down your face as you stifled another yawn. “sure, i can guess the next three words that are gonna come out of your mouth. lemon, eight, and cutie patootie, which are four words by the way.”

chaewon’s face dropped even more in shock. you just sighed deeper. “i’m gonna need your help today. that confession letter i made last night… it cannot get to taehyun. do you hear me?” chaewon just nodded and you gave a small nod back. you turned and began your way to your class again.

luckily for you, you shared your first class with taehyun. photography 101 with mr. kim. today’s class dealt with polaroid cameras, which you were also sick of dealing with. you sat in the empty seat near the window where you always sat and got your notebook out as class started to begin. if you were honest, you chose this seat cause it gives you the best view of your crush. the sunlight filtered hazily through the window illuminating taehyun’s features, making him look even more dreamy. it probably wasn’t the best idea, since you spent most of the class staring at him and wanting to take a picture of him; rather than paying attention to your teacher and what he wanted you to take pictures of.

you tried your hardest to focus this loop around. you wished that after how many times you lived this day, your crush would just disappear. i mean, you would think getting rejected five hundred and forty-six times would help right? wrong.

at first, you thought of the time loop as a blessing in disguise. there to help you fix your mistakes and finally get the guy you’ve been crushing on for a while now. wrong, again. for the first hundred or so loops you tried everything in your power to curate yourself to taehyun’s tastes. even going so far to dye your hair and buy a bunch of new clothes. nothing worked. it was hopeless. so now you’ve been spending the past four hundred and so on loops trying to get out of the loop. also hopeless. you just couldn’t crack what was keeping you here, on this day. and why you of all people.

mr. kim had given all the students in the class polaroid cameras, not the modern ones, but one of those old ones from the ninties. you rushed to get your things as class ended, polaroid camera in hand, when you ran face first into someone and spilled the contents of your half open bookbag all over the floor.

the polaroid camera had fallen from your hands and bounced off your foot, snapping a picture and momentarily blinding you with the flash. “if that camera is broken y/n you will be paying for it!” mr. kim’s voice had loudly spoken as you blinked rapidly and tried to get the spots out of your eyes.

“sorry!” you mumbled to whoever you bumped into as you crouched to the floor to grab your things. they crouched next to you and helped you. “don’t worry about it!” you heard a familiar voice say. you froze, hand in the air ready to grab your notebook, as taehyun’s voice rang through your ears.

the letter, you thought. the gears in your brain started working again, breaking you out of your frozen state, and you began getting your things off the floor faster. you shoved them into your bookbag without caring if things got bent or folded. taehyun handed you a couple textbooks, which you all but snatched from him, and also shoved those into your bookbag. after getting to your feet, you mumbled another sorry, before turning to fly out the door again.

“y/n, wait!” taehyun called from behind you. you froze again. please don’t be the letter, please don’t be the letter, please don’t be the le— you thought. you slowly turned and saw him rise to his feet, your notebook in hand. he held it out to you, a small smile on his face. “you almost forgot this,” taehyun spoke.

“thank you,” you replied in a small voice, returning his smile. you took the notebook from him and bolted out the class. on the brightside, at least it would’ve been a short loop if taehyun had grabbed the letter. no doubt, once he saw the big ‘to taehyun, from y/n’ on the front in big glittery letters he would’ve rejected you right then and there and the day would restart.

the only time the day has progressed past the rejection was the first ever day, before the loop started. you had been so excited to give taehyun the letter, even if the sleepiness was tearing you apart. it was valentine’s day, the day of love, and you thought that today was absolutely perfect to tell him about your feelings. after all, at least you wouldn’t be alone in sharing your feelings for someone.

everywhere you looked, new couples sprang up. it made you giddy inside. that’s going to be me, you thought. you couldn’t wait, you had the whole confession planned out. after your classes for the day were over, you were gonna wait outside the arts building for taehyun. the sun would be setting and with the perfect backdrop of a beautiful sunset, you would hand him your letter. taehyun would read it, a smile crossing his face, and he would accept your confession, making your wish come true. it would be written in the shooting stars. then the two of you would start dating and run off into said sunset, blah blah blah.

except, that’s not how it all happened. you waited outside the arts building, the setting sun in the background. you had waited for forty-five minutes, unaware that the class was delayed thirty minutes and that taehyun would stay behind for another fifteen for help from the teacher. by the time he came out, it was dark outside. you were cold and annoyed, and the confession letter was held limply in your hand, spare glitter piling up on the ground.

when you had silently handed it to him, he looked at the monstrosity in shock. it was clear at first glance he knew what it was, and it was only made even more apparent when he opened the envelope and read the letter inside. “o-oh…” he stuttered out, and your heart dropped and the deliberate blankness of his face. “y/n, i’m—“ that’s all you could bear to hear before you just nodded and swallowed thickly, tears rimming your eyes, and ran off.

you had cried in your dorm room all night. the whole interaction replaying in your head as you wished and wished for a miracle until you fell asleep from exhaustion. imagine your shock when you woke up again, confession letter on your nightstand and the day reading as valentine’s day. a joke, it all was, all you hoped. it wasn’t. only one good thing came from the time loop, nobody remembered anything from the previous loop. only the previous day, february thirteenth.

you had gotten back to your dorm room, not having classes until later in the day and desperate for sleep, when you stepped out of the way of chaewon’s hands. “how did you—oh my god! you really are in a time loop!” chaewon exclaimed. you stepped past her and made your way to your dresser to change your clothes. “yes, and i’m very tired and would like to sleep the day away.”

“well, what about taehyun? what about your confession? does he know yet?” chaewon asked as you slipped some shorts and a plain t-shirt on. you turned to her, shaking your head. “no, and it’s for the best that he never finds out.”

chaewon furrowed her eyebrows. “why did something bad happen in the last loop? how many times have you relieved this day?” you just laughed wryly, “you have absolutely no idea.”

“we gotta find some way to sway his mind!” she then exclaimed. you shook your head furiously, sitting down heavily on your bed. “there’s no use, chaewon. he doesn’t like me like that. like, at all.” you tried to keep the sadness from creeping into your tone. chaewon sat on her bed, a pout on her lips. “the only thing we can do is make sure that he doesn’t even see the letter at all,” you added.

“well where is it? have you tried burning it?” chaewon asked. you stood to retrieve your book bag. “i have actually, didn’t work.” it was around the two hundredth loop when you were getting deeply frustrated. there was a campfire party happening that you went to after avoiding taehyun for the whole day. you had thought that you were finally in the clear, even let yourself begin to hope a little. that’s when you decided to just burn the letter and let it all be done with.

it sat in the fire, the edges burning, before a magical gust of wind blew it out of the embers. right into taehyun’s hands.

you literally couldn’t believe your eyes. there was literally no way that the letter just did that. that’s when you knew that this loop was a curse, that you’d be doomed to repeat this day until the end of time. and probably after that too. your mouth had dropped, taehyun looked over to you with furrowed eyebrows. you get the rest.

“i know, you don’t like me…” you had trailed off, overlapping his words. you turned to walk away and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in your bed again.

you were rummaging through your messy bookbag when chaewon replied, “have you tried confessing to someone else?” you paused and turned to her. “i haven’t… actually…” you trailed in thought. this whole time you were so focused on your feelings for taehyun, you hadn’t even thought about anyone else. “i’m not sure it would even work,” you said. “even after all this time i still like him.”

“well, you have all this time… why don’t you try to start developing feelings for someone else and get over the feelings you have for taehyun?” chaewon said. you thought it over for a second. that doesn’t sound that bad of an idea. you already know that taehyun doesn’t and never will like you back, so what’s the harm? maybe it’ll actually work and you can be free from this loop. “who would i even like?” you asked, momentarily abandoning your bag.

chaewon pressed her lips together for a moment before shrugging. “there’s plenty of attractive people here, you could choose anybody!” you sighed deeply. “i can’t just choose someone to like… it doesn’t really work that way.” chaewon shrugged again. “it could at least help!”

you guess she was somewhat right. narrow the pool of people. you could go based on personality, or at least those the personalities you know of. whichever personalities clash with yours can get crossed off. “whatever,” you mumbled. “i guess it could work. i’ll think about it.” chaewon clapped happily as you returned to your bag for the letter.

heart dropping, you flipped your bag over and watched the contents inside fall to the floor. looking through the pile frantically, you came up with nothing. the letter was gone. chaewon called your name and you looked up at her, face paled. “it’s gone… the letter… it’s gone.” she crouched down next to you with furrowed brows and began searching herself. when she came up with nothing also, she sat back on the ground. “if you don’t have it, then where is it?”

that’s when you noticed a polaroid tucked under one of your notebooks. you pulled it out and stared at it. chaewon leaned over to get a look at it too. “taehyun must have it,” you said. the polaroid was a blurry picture of you and taehyun from class earlier that morning. “but if he has it…” you trailed. if he has it, then why hasn’t the day restarted?

you and chaewon spent the next forty-five minutes searching every nook and cranny of your room for the letter and still came up with nothing. you had explained to her how the time loop worked—as far as you knew it—and what it meant if taehyun had seen the letter. “so what does this mean?” chaewon asked, the two of you were sitting on your floor after cleaning up the mess you made. “i have no idea,” you replied. “i hope it means that all of this is over. but who knows if he actually has the letter. maybe somebody else picked it up when i dropped all my stuff.”

picking up the polaroid again, you stared hard at it. stupid camera. if you hadn't focused so much on it, you wouldn’t have ran into taehyun and dropped the letter in the first place. you rose to your feet, your class was about to start. “you’ll find it, y/n. and then maybe this whole day will stop repeating.” chaewon spoke, trying to comfort you. you just nodded solemnly, setting the polaroid on your desk.

suddenly you felt super dizzy and nauseous, and there was a heaviness on your heart. you held your stomach as you doubled over. chaewon jumped to her feet, her hand coming to your back as she bent to see your face. “y/n? what’s wrong?” all you could do was shake your head. you didn’t know. you’ve never felt like this before.

the next thing you knew, you were waking up in your bed to your alarm. you looked around your empty dorm room with confused eyes. did the day restart? you looked to your nightstand. there the letter sat. slowly, you got out of your bed and stood in front of it.

how weird. that has never happened when you restarted a loop before. taehyun didn’t even reject you, the day just started over. maybe it doesn’t have to be face to face? but, you didn’t get a text or anything. and if it was a mental thing, the day would be over before you even woke up.

you were getting ready for the day when chaewon came in from her early morning class. quickly, you explained to her the time loop again and proved the validity of your statement. “we’ll talk later about it, i have to get to class.” you said as you turned to the door. that’s when your eye caught something.

the polaroid you accidentally took from the last loop. it was still sitting on your desk in the exact place you sat it down. you ran over to your desk and snatched the picture, holding it up. you felt chaewon come up behind you. “what is it? oh! is that you and taehyun? when did you take this?” chaewon asked.

“i didn’t…” you trailed. “at least, not this loop. this is from the last loop. how is it here?” what is going on? chaewon took the polaroid from you to get a closer look. “that is so strange…” you nodded in agreement.

you left for your class after putting the polaroid back in a safe space on your desk. for the most part, the day was the same, except this time you took your time with your items and made sure your bookbag was zipped all the way.

when you were walking out of the classroom, you heard your name being called from across the hallway. you panicked for a second, thinking you forgot the letter and chaewon was here to spill your crush again. turning to the direction your name was called, you were shocked to see taehyun walking up to you.

your throat closed up the closer and closer he got until he was standing in front of you and you could hardly breathe. this was it, the letter somehow slipped from your bookbag and ended up magically in his hands. he was here to reject you and the day would repeat again and again. “i have more classes, but do you mind if we talk later on today? this afternoon?” taehyun asked. your eyes widened.

what did he want to talk about? you racked your brain for answers that didn’t come to you. this never happened in a loop before. usually, taehyun just straight up rejects you. “uh—sure!” you manage to push out, a nervous smile playing on your lips. he smiled back, handing you a small piece of paper with his number on it. “i’ll text you the when and where.” you nodded numbly as he said goodbye and walked away. did you just get his number? just like that?

“what do you think he wants to talk about?” you asked chaewon. “do you think he remembers the last loop? knows why it ended so abruptly and why that polaroid remained?” she sat across from you on the floor, a puzzled look on her face that was the same as yours. she thought for a moment before shrugging. “i honestly have no idea…” her face then lit up with a thought. “what if your letter from the last loop remained too and since he allegedly had it, he read it early? but since it’s the basis of the loop—or so you think—it got copied somehow?”

that actually didn’t sound too far off. it would help make sense of the way the last loop ended. also on why he suddenly wanted to talk to you. “you might be onto something, chaewon…” you trailed as you thought more on what she said. “but the loop resets when he rejects me, and he always rejects me. so if he had already read it, he would’ve already rejected me.”

“maybe the rules changed… you did say he didn’t explicitly reject you last loop. maybe things are changing. maybe the loop is starting to end and that’s why all these weird things are happening?” chaewon interjected. you sighed deeply and just shrugged. your head was spinning from it all. “i guess i’ll find out later today.” just in that moment you got a text from taehyun. you had texted him earlier saying that this was your number.

hey, it’s taehyun! can we meet at the benches next to the arts building in three hours?

you breathed in sharply. chaewon leaned over and pulled your phone down so she could read the text. “let me know what he says!” you just laughed a little and nodded, standing to your feet to get ready for your next class. you typed a quick text back to him.

yeah, that works for me. see you there!

you heart was pounding rapidly in your chest. you hoped that what chaewon said was true, that things were changing and the loops were finally coming to an end. you don’t know how much longer of this time loop you could take.

it was the meeting time for you to see taehyun. you had grabbed the polaroid from the last loop from your desk to ask him about and see if he had any answers. the chill of the morning had settled into a cool warmth. you saw taehyun waiting for you on the bench and felt goosebumps rise on your skin as you wished you brought a jacket.

his head turned to you at the sound of your approaching footsteps and he rose to his feet. “hi,” you said shyly as the both of you sat on the bench. you sat your bookbag on the bench next to you. “hi,” he replied, a small smile on his face. “what did you want to talk about?” you asked him.

taehyun turned to dig in his bag. your hands shook slightly in anticipation. he then turned back to you, a crumpled envelope in his hands. it was your confession letter. confusion washed over you. but your letter was in your bag? taehyun opened his mouth to speak but you held up a hand to stop him.

reaching in your bag, you grabbed your letter and held it out next to the one taehyun had and compared the two. they were exactly the same, except for taehyun’s version being crumpled and a little worse for wear. was chaewon right? both you and taehyun stared at the letters in confusion. “impossible…” you muttered under your breath.

you looked up at him, “there’s no way you should have this letter…” you were truly at a loss for words. taehyun’s confused eyes looked at you. “you dropped it…” taehyun began to speak before trailing off. you stared at each other for a moment.

“no, i didn’t—i mean i did, but that was… you shouldn’t—what is happening?” you stumbled over your words.

“wait… you remember dropping it? when we bumped into each other?” taehyun asked you. you stared at him with wide eyes. instead of answering his question you asked, “you’ve been repeating this day too?”

taehyun looked taken aback for a second before slowly nodding. your eyes never left him as you thought about what this meant. all those loops of you pining, changing yourself, and obsessing over his acception; all those things you did to try and get him to like you, he remembers? all those loops he rejected you over and over… you knew he didn’t like you, that much was obvious, but the fact that he remembered every five hundred and forty-eighth rejection caused your heart to hurt in a way you never thought it could.

embarrassment heated your cheeks. in order to save face a little bit, you turned and reached in your own bag for the polaroid. you held it out next to the matching letters. “how did these survive the last loop if…” you trailed off as you snuck a glance at him. you didn’t want to bring up how he rejects you each time you confess to him. he gently took the polaroid from your hands as he analyzed it.

taehyun’s face lit up briefly and he pulled out the polaroid camera from his bag. suddenly, you were blinded by the flash as he aimed the camera towards you. “hey! what the—“ you got cut off by another flash, this time aimed towards him. you watched him in confusion as he sat the pictures down on top of the letters and you both waited for the pictures to develop.

as the image came in, you could see how the both of you were blurred in them, yet everything else wasn’t. you leaned forward slightly to see them closer. even the bench wasn’t blurred. you took the camera from taehyun and ran up to the random person walking past. “photography assignment, sorry!” you muttered out before aiming the camera at the two of you steadily and taking a picture. the person looked at you weirdly before continuing on their way.

you walked back over to taehyun as the photo developed and stopped right in front of him in shock as the image developed. “what is it?” taehyun asked, standing to his feet and coming by your side.

in the polaroid, it was only you who was blurred, not the other person. “this is so weird…” you breathed. taehyun nodded in agreement. “do you think this has to do with the time loop?” he then asked, referring to the blurriness. shrugging a little, you leaned over to the bench and grabbed the other three polaroids and held them all together. “it has to,” you replied.

you then turned to him, “how does the loop end for you? is it different each time or does something specific trigger it?” taehyun’s eyes suddenly averted and you saw his shoulders sag ever so slightly. he moves to sit back on the bench. “um… it’s my friend… he—he dies.” your eyes widen and you stare at him for a moment, mouth agape. “oh! oh… i’m so sorry taehyun…” you trailed off, also sitting on the bench.

taehyun clears his throat, opting to change the subject. “how does it restart for you?” taehyun asks. you hesitate for a second. is it appropriate to bring up him rejecting you after he just told you that his friend dying resets his loop? “uh… well, this feels really inappropriate to bring up after everything, but it’s when you reject me.” you manage to push out. taehyun’s eyebrows raise as he glances over to you. the awkwardness in the air is so thick you’d have trouble cutting it with a knife.

“wait…” you trail off. you haven’t heard anything about someone dying today. does that mean he experiences more of the day than you do? “your day extends farther than mine does. if we’re both in the same loop, how does that work?” taehyun hummed in thought. “i’m not sure… but without any interruptions or changes, my day always ends at the same time. eight forty-five P.M.” he then looked up to you. “have you made it that far? or past it?”

you looked down at your feet, not wanting to meet his gaze. it only happened a couple of times, enough to count on one hand. the last being the one where you tried burning the letter and it didn’t work. “a handful of times, but it was only by avoiding giving you the letter. you always ended up with it somehow…” you replied. taehyun nodded, more to himself. he must’ve remembered the times. “well there’s two letters now,” taehyun motioned to the letters, “so maybe the loop will change? i mean, i obviously know about the letter and the contents and you’re still here. that has to mean something, right?” you nodded in agreement, ignoring the fact that he essentially just rejected you again. it honestly didn’t even phase you anymore after all this time.

“what if our loops merged and mine now ends when yours does?” you threw out. it would make sense as to why you’re still on the bench talking. taehyun shrugged, “it’s possible…”

you turned to him fully, your hopeful eyes gleaming in the sunny afternoon light. “there’s two of us now, i can help you save your friend! and we can get them and chaewon together and come up with a plan! maybe saving them is what gets us out of the time loop.” when you noticed that he wasn’t responding, you shrunk back a little into the bench. “…if you’re okay with that.” you added in a quiet voice.

you could practically see the gears in taehyun’s head turning as he thought. it was another moment before he opened his mouth to respond to your proposal. “i guess it wouldn’t hurt… and while we’re at it we can test the time loop merging theory.” taehyun finally said. a wide grin pushed its way onto your face. you began cleaning up your things, making sure to shove the letter back into your bag even if he already knew about it, as you stood to your feet. taehyun gave you a confused look.

“where are you going?” he asked you. you gave him a confused smile, “to go get your friend and chaewon… if we’re gonna save your friend we have to start now!” taehyun slowly began cleaning his stuff up. “but… we have classes…” you let out a loud laugh and taehyun stood to his feet after putting his stuff away. “what’s a class that you’ve experienced almost six hundred times to saving your friend?”

taehyun slowly started to nod, “you’re right.” you nodded back to him. “of course i am. let’s go save your friend!” you grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the direction of the dorms. chaewon didn’t have a class right now, if you remember correctly.

you wished you were in a loop of seeing chaewon’s face when you brought taehyun to your dorm room instead of him rejecting you. chaewon in fact didn’t have classes, you were right. you pushed the door open to your shared dorm room, scaring her half to death. chaewon’s eyes widened and her mouth went slack as you pulled taehyun into the room and shut the door.

“change of plans…” you spoke, turning to the two of them. you motioned a finger in between you and taehyun. “he’s in a time loop too and we’re gonna save his friend from dying.” if chaewon’s jaw could drop further it would. she sputtered for a moment, trying to push her words out. “i know, i know. i was shocked and very embarrassed too. but we have work to do.”

taehyun turned to you. “embarrassed?” he asked. you felt your cheeks heat up. did he really have to ask that question? “well… you did reject me almost six hundred times. and you have memories of every single one. that is very embarrassing for me…” you turned away from him, suddenly finding your desk very interesting, as you talked. you heard an “oh…” from behind you and felt yourself die a little more inside.

you pulled out an empty unused notebook from your desk drawer and turned back to chaewon and taehyun. chaewon managed to pick her jaw off the floor and her eyes weren’t as wide. “who are we saving?” chaewon asked. the two of you turned to taehyun. his eyes widened ever so slightly from the sudden spotlight. “um… his name is hueningkai. he’s my best friend.” chaewon nodded, looking down slightly. “let’s get to work then! we have people to save, everyone!”

taehyun then led the two of you back to where hueningkai’s class was happening, which was building b. the three of you were standing outside of his classroom when taehyun glanced inside. “he’s still in class, but we can just wait—“ he was cut off by you barging into the classroom. another good thing that came out of this loop is that you pretty much don’t have fear about anything anymore—for the most part.

you looked back at taehyun as the teacher stopped mid sentence and the group of students stared at you confused. “which one is him?” you asked him. taehyun gaped at you, eyes wide. you sighed and turned back to the class. “hueningkai?” you asked aloud. “please step forward. uh… it’s very import—important business that you’re needed for.” you then remembered the teacher and quickly added, “the dean sent us.”

the teacher waved his hand and a guy close to the back stood slowly. hueningkai packed his things up and made his way to the front of the classroom. you gave him an awkward smile as the two of you walked out of the classroom, shutting the door behind you.

it was dead silent as the four of you walked out of the building. once you were in the clear of listening ears, you stopped and turned. hueningkai’s eyebrows were raised in confusion, an awkward smile on his face, as he looked between you and taehyun. “there’s no important business from the dean, she lied,” chaewon said. taehyun stepped towards hueningkai. “look, kai, this is gonna sound really weird but—“

you stepped to hueningkai and put your hands on his shoulders as you looked him in the eyes. “listen man, you’re gonna die today.” you heard a gasp come from behind you and taehyun started to say your name. you ignored both. “but that’s okay! because us two—” you motioned to you and taehyun with a finger “—are stuck in a time loop and we’re gonna save you!” you released him and took a couple steps back, nodding to yourself with a satisfied smile.

hueningkai looked absolutely terrified. “i’m gonna die?!” he exclaimed, taking a step back. chaewon took quick steps towards him, trying to give comfort. “no! well… i mean, yes, but we’re gonna stop that from happening!” she gave you a sharp glare and you noticed that taehyun had his head in his hands. maybe telling him outright was a bad idea…

taehyun pushed the two of you back. “kai… you get into an accident at eight forty-five… you don’t end up making it. i’ve been trapped in this time loop trying to make sure that you don’t die.” hueningkai took a deep breath as he stared at taehyun with furrowed eyebrows. he then ran a hand through his dark hair. “okay… so i die today. never thought i would say that.” hueningkai looked between the three of you. “so how do i not die today?”

you pulled the notebook out of your bag as you began coming up with the pillars of the plan. “first, we all go together in some safe space where we know nothing’s going to happen to you. also so we can see how far we can push the day before it resets for taehyun and i.” you started. “how about our dorm room?” chaewon asked. you turned to taehyun and hueningkai. they looked at each for a second before shrugging. “let’s head there now then!” you added.

thankfully nothing happened on the walk from hueningkai’s class to your dorm room. chaewon had gone out to get snacks and other things for the long night you all were about to have. you all decided that you were gonna skip the rest of your classes as well.

you were in the process of writing the ways that taehyun had tried to save hueningkai that ultimately ended up failing when hueningkai asked, “just how many times have you watched me die?” there was a pained expression on taehyun’s face that he tried to mask with a wistful smile. he looked towards you, “how many loops has it been now?” you stopped to think. “this is the five hundred and forty-ninth loop.” taehyun turned back to hueningkai. “um… about five hundred and forty-seven times, give or take.” hueningkai’s face paled significantly.

taehyun scrunched his face up as he looked back towards you. “if this loop just resets, what’s the point of writing this all down then?” that made you stop dead in your tracks. what was the point? “can’t you take a picture of it?” hueningkai asked. taehyun had filled him in on everything on the walk to the dorms. you looked at him with knitted eyebrows. “well, you said the polaroids stayed when you went into a new loop… just take a picture of it!” he added.

you guess that made sense. “but what if they don’t stay since it’s not of us?” taehyun asked. you pulled your polaroid camera from your bag and held up the notebook next to taehyun’s face as you got close. you quickly snapped the picture and sat it down on the hardwood floor in the center of you all as you waited for it to develop. “problem solved!” you smiled. taehyun blinked rapidly at you.

just then, chaewon came through the door with a couple bags in her hands. “i got snacks!” she exclaimed. she sat them on her desk and sat in the empty spot of the semi-circle. “what did i miss?” she asked as she leaned over to look at the newly developed polaroid on the ground. “writing down all the ways taehyun failed to save my life!” hueningkai laughed, before he saw the grave expression on taehyun’s face. “joking!” he then quickly added. hueningkai put his hand on taehyun’s shoulder. “it’s okay taehyun, we’re gonna figure it out. i’m gonna get saved and you’re both gonna get out of this time loop!”

“speaking of…” you trailed. you held the camera up so the four of you were all in frame. “say cheese!” you said, smiling for the camera. you heard a chorus of “cheese!” behind you as you snapped the picture. you sat that polaroid next to the other one on the floor. “just to make explaining more easier.” you added.

“if you keep snapping pictures you’re gonna run out of film,” said taehyun. you laughed a little, “it’s practically unlimited, given the loop.” he shrugged slightly, agreeing with you. “have either of you figured out why you’re blurry in the pictures?” chaewon asked you and taehyun. you both shook your head. hueningkai perked up. “maybe it’s because everyone and everything around you is essentially stagnant. like, technically none of us change by the end of the loop. we’ll all reset. but the two of you do—even if it’s not physically. you have the memories and experiences of the past however many loops you’ve been through!”

it was as if suddenly things started to click into place. “you’re right! if you think about it, we’ve been in this loop for like a year and a half days wise. yeah, some days were shorter and longer than others, but a year and a half nonetheless! time around us is kinda frozen if you think about it. maybe the camera picks up on that and we’re blurry because we’re the only things in motion!” you were waving your hands in the air, speaking a mile a minute, hoping you were getting your point across. taehyun’s face lit up more and more as you spoke and he nodded along.

“do you think it’s the same with our phones?” taehyun asked as he pulled out his phone. you all shrugged. he turned the camera towards you all and snapped a picture. taehyun turned back towards you all with a confused expression. hueningkai leaned next to him over his phone. “what is it?” you asked as you leaned forward. “it didn’t even take the picture… how weird,” taehyun replied. you looked over at chaewon. she raised an eyebrow at you, “maybe it’s because it’s new technology?” none of you really had an explanation.

the rest of the night went by pretty insignificantly. you all had gotten a bunch of blankets to make a makeshift bed on the floor for taehyun and hueningkai. everything started to go wrong in the middle of the movie you were all watching.

the four of you were sitting on the floor, a laptop with the movie playing in front of you, when all of a sudden you heard coughing. you snapped your head over to hueningkai, who’s face was turning red by the second. “oh my god! is he choking?” you heard chaewon ask as taehyun started frantically hitting hueningkai’s back. you jumped up to grab a water bottle.

handing the water bottle to hueningkai, he croaks out, “it’s my throat…” he tried getting the water bottle open to no avail. “is he allergic?” you turned to taehyun and asked, referring to the popcorn you were all eating. he was practically drowning hueningkai with water as he rapidly shook his head. hueningkai was turning blue. you, taehyun, and chaewon were all flying around the small dorm room trying anything to help hueningkai but it seemed as if nothing was working.

suddenly, it seemed as if everything stopped. you looked to taehyun, who had frozen in his spot. he looked back to you, his eyes wide and glossy, and you realized that hueningkai’s chest wasn’t moving.

the next moment, you were waking up in your bed the morning of february fourteenth, marking the five hundred and fiftieth loop. you didn’t waste any time. the polaroids from the last loop sat on top of your dresser where you had put them before the movie. you grabbed them just as chaewon came into the dorm room.

convincing her wasn’t that hard to begin with, but it was significantly easier with the polaroids. especially the one of the four of you. the two of you rushed to your morning class that you shared with taehyun, hoping that he has the same idea with hueningkai.

you saw him rushing up the hallway opposite from you, a confused hueningkai in tow. you barely stopped for a breath when you reached them as you pulled out the polaroids. “time loop, understand?” you asked hueningkai. he looked at the polaroid for a brief moment before nodding. you exhaled and doubled over, you and chaewon had practically ran across campus. looking down, you also realized that you were still in your pajamas.

“um… so that didn’t work…” you breathed, turning to taehyun. he simply nodded, eyes to the floor. he too was in his pajamas. the two of you must’ve looked crazy. “i don’t understand…” taehyun trailed off. he led the three of you towards the exit of the building. “if he wasn’t choking, then how did he…” he added, looking off to the side.

you stopped and waved them all over to the bench to sit. taehyun ran his hands through his hair. “i don’t know,” you spoke quietly. chaewon and hueningkai both gave you confused looks. you forgot that they didn’t remember the last loop. quickly, you filled them in on what happened, watching as shocked expression took over their faces.

“and you’re sure you’re not allergic to popcorn?” chaewon asked, leaning forward to look at hueningkai. “butter? salt? anything that goes into making popcorn?” hueningkai shook his head, “no… not at all. i’m confused as to how that happened too.”

taehyun was quiet next to you. his head was in his hands and he was bent over. you put a hand on his back as you leaned down a little. “taehyun?” you asked quietly. you felt him inhale deeply. he sat up slowly and rubbed at his eyes.

“five hundred and fifty times…” taehyun started. “five hundred and fifty times and you would think that i would be somewhat used to it by now. use to death.” he dragged his hands away from his eyes. they landed heavily in his lap. your hand moved from his back to his shoulder. taehyun turned to his right to face hueningkai, “i’m so sorry, kai. i don’t know how to save you.”

you shook your head at that even though he wasn’t facing you. taehyun continued, “at this point, i don’t even know if it’s possible. you would think it would be, given the circumstances, but each loop keeps proving me wrong. i don’t know what else to do, but i can’t just let you die.” his voice cracked as he spoke and got lower and lower until his last sentence was just above a whisper. you felt your heart break at his sentiment.

you couldn’t help but think about how foolish you’ve been for the majority of this time loop. you spent so much time trying to get taehyun to like you back while he’s spent the whole time loop trying to save his best friend from a brutal ending. that time could’ve been spent coming up with ideas together, using your combined ideas to try and save hueningkai from death. but no, you were changing your appearance and crying over the fact he kept rejecting you. how idiotic. your face flushed with shame and embarrassment.

“we are going to save him,” you spoke confidently. taehyun turned to you, his face was stained with tears. “how? i’ve tried everything and nothing has worked.” you stood from the bench, thankfully the area around you wasn’t that populated with students.

“we have to get to the roots of the time loop,” you said, hitting your fist on your palm. “we don’t know how we got into it, we don’t know how to get out of it, and we don’t know why we’re the only two who are initially aware of it. so we have to start listing what we do know and work from there. we both know how the time loop restarts, and it has basically been confirmed that our loop restarts have been merged.” you didn’t want to outright list the reason, it was clear they understood what it was. no use in pushing the knife deeper into the wound.

you continued, “we need to know if there’s a general cutoff point to each loop.” chaewon nodded along, “do you remember what the time was when the last loop ended?” she spoke softly as she glanced over to taehyun and hueningkai. you shook your head. taehyun wiped his cheeks and furrowed his brows. “i think it was midnight?” he said, uncertainty in his voice. “i remember checking my phone like ten minutes before everything happened and it was 11:47pm.”

“and you said i was completely fine before…” hueningkai motioned over to you. you nodded. “so i would say that the general cutoff would be midnight, or the second before. it would make sense… you’re only limited to this one day within the loop.” hueningkai looked around at the three of you, seeing if you got what he was saying. you all nodded.

you motioned for them all to stand. “alright let’s go then!” taehyun stood and gave you a confused look, “go where?” you gave him a slightly amused look as you raised your eyebrows. “we’re gonna need a lot more than a notebook if we’re gonna plan this all out.”

you were thankful that you were on a college campus, so the confused and curious looks were at a minimum as the four of you carried four large poster boards across the sidewalks. you were heading to the library where chaewon had set up a meeting room for you all to sit down and work through your plan.

once you got to the library and the room chaewon had reserved, you breathed in deeply as you shut and locked the door behind you. hueningkai was laying the poster boards across the large table side by side. you walked over and began opening the pack of permanent markers you had bought as taehyun put both of your polaroid cameras on the table.

“okay,” you sighed as you began, opening the marker and leaning over the table to write on one of the poster boards. in big letters at the top you wrote ‘WHAT WE KNOW’ and added a bullet point for the loop ending at midnight, or the second before, exactly. “so we know that the loop ends at least the second before midnight.” you spoke and stood straight. “and we know that hueningkai wasn’t choking on anything. so that means we can conclude it was some magic of the time loop itself. the next thing we need to figure out is how to trick the loop.”

taehyun turned to look up at you from his seat next to you. “trick the loop? what do you mean?” before you could speak, chaewon did. “the day was just about to change, right, meaning that you had almost broken the loop. but at the last moment, hueningkai suddenly died. that means that somehow the time loop itself is aware. which means—“

“we have to trick it!” you, chaewon, taehyun, and hueningkai said in unison. their faces all brightened and you smiled to yourself. hueningkai’s eyebrows knitted together slightly. “but how do we trick the all-knowing time loop into believing i’m dead without me, you know, actually dying?” he asked, causing a couple chuckles to be let out around the room. the tension in the air lifted a little and your smile widened with newfound hope.

you leaned back over to the next poster board and reached over to the top of it. “by entering what i like to call phase two,” you spoke as you wrote ‘PHASE TWO’ on the poster board. under it you wrote, ‘WE KILL HUENINGKAI AND REVIVE HIM JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT.’ you looked up to wide eyes looking back at you. “and just how are you expecting us to do that?” taehyun interjected.

you smiled at him, eyes burning brightly, “it’s simple. we stop hueningkai’s heart three to four minutes before midnight—preferably three to be safe. in the seconds before it actually hits midnight, we perform cpr and save him!” it seemed like a good idea to you. i mean, it was really the only idea. hueningkai scrunched his face up, “i don’t know about this…”

“we’ll it’s either you die—briefly—and get revived, or you just straight up die. so pick your poison,” chaewon said. you heard taehyun mutter “jesus…” under his breath. hueningkai blinked at her.

“i guess either way i’m dying, so i would prefer it to not be permanent,” hueningkai spoke. you nodded in satisfaction. “how are we even gonna kill him in a way that doesn’t actually hurt him? in a way we can actually bring him back?” taehyun asked you. your smile fell slightly, you hadn’t really thought that part through. before you could say that you weren’t exactly sure, a phone ringing cut you off.

hueningkai looked around at the three of you with a sheepish smile as he pulled the ringing phone from his pocket. he looked down at the caller id, “it’s my sister. i’m sorry, i gotta take this.” a worried expression passed across taehyun’s face as he began to stand. “no, you stay. i’ll go with him. the two of you remember all the other loops anyways, you need all the information you can get,” chaewon said as she stood to her feet. taehyun hesitated before nodding and falling back down on his seat. hueningkai and chaewon left the room, leaving you inside alone with taehyun.

you pulled out the chair in front of you, which was directly next to taehyun, and sat down. you wished that your heart didn’t speed up at the fact that you were alone with him. even now, your feelings for him haven’t changed. you were still in love with him, the confession letter still sat heavily in your bag.

“y/n?” taehyun asked. you turned to him in question. “i just wanted to say thank you. you know, for helping me in all this to save kai. you didn’t have to, but you did anyways, and i’m grateful for that. clearly, i wouldn’t have been able to do it alone.” you smiled softly at him. “it’s no problem! i mean, we’re in this together. literally.”

taehyun laughed at that and it made your heart soar. you were happy you could make him laugh after seeing him cry earlier. glad that you could give him some hope in this fucked up situation. “seriously though, y/n. thank you,” taehyun smiled at you, his eyes boring into yours. you gave a nod in response, your smile warming. “i’m here for you!” taehyun’s smile widened.

you were just doing what anyone would do if they were in this situation. there wasn’t any need to put you on some pedestal and give you a good person award because of it.

before you could get too lost in taehyun’s eyes, you turned back to the poster boards with heated cheeks. under ‘WHAT WE KNOW,’ you began filling in everything that you were a hundred percent certain of about the time loop, taehyun aiding you. when hueningkai and chaewon came back inside the room, thankfully none of them harmed, the two of you were shoulder to shoulder, each writing on seperate poster boards. taehyun had used the third poster board to write down things he tried that failed to save hueningkai, ‘WHAT FAILED’ written at the top.

hueningkai and chaewon had sat in the seats across from you two, looking at everything you had added. “do you think there’s a way we could make these stay between loops? like the letters and polaroids besides taking a picture?” taehyun asked you, waving a hand with a marker in it over the poster boards. you sat back in your seat in thought and looked over to the polaroids that were spread out next to the cameras.

you tried thinking of an idea, but came up blank. “i have no clue. i mean, it has to be possible. we still don’t really know why there are two letters.” it was silent for a moment as everyone thought it over. “you said your loops essentially merged to join his, right?” chaewon asked you, causing you to nod. “and you said that when that happened, the letter was missing and the loop ended suddenly, causing the letter to duplicate and for you both to have one. now the time loop restarts for the both of you when he—“ she jabbed a thumb in hueningkai’s direction “—dies. have you tried seeing what happens what happens when… you know…” chaewon trailed, referring to you getting rejected.

you glanced over to taehyun to see that his eyes were fixed onto the table, cheeks flushed. you bet you didn’t look too different. you both haven’t really talked much about that part of the loop. granted, you had better things to worry about. “i mean… just to make sure that the loop doesn’t restart…” chaewon added awkwardly.

clearing your throat, you reached for your book bag to pull out the letter. you sat it on the table between you and taehyun and looked at him. “well… let’s try it so we can add it to the list.” just like that, awkward tension grew in the room.

taehyun swallowed thickly and reached for the letter. opening it, he read over the contents swiftly, already knowing exactly what it says. he looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours. “i… i’m sorry, y/n, but i…— don’t feel the same way about you.” taehyun folded the letter back up as he looked away. you looked down to your feet. the tension in the air grew thicker.

silence hung in the air for a few moments, before you couldn’t take any more of it. “okay! we’re still here, so…” you turned to write on the ‘WHAT WE KNOW’ poster board. you then looked around the room. everyone was avoiding each other’s eyes. “back to figuring out ways to kill hueningkai… any ideas that won't ultimately hurt him in the long run?”

“what if i held my breath?” hueningkai asked, causing you and the others to laugh. you breathed a sigh of relief as the tension started to dissipate. “that wouldn’t work, your body would literally make you start breathing again,” taehyun replied, a grin playing on his lips.

chaewon face brightened with an idea, “what if we drowned him!” you, hueningkai, and taehyun gave her a shocked look and chaewon then realized she said that a bit too enthusiastically. “i would rather not be drowned,” hueningkai exclaimed as he gave a small smile to chaewon, a laugh at the edges of his voice. she chuckled slightly in return.

“suffocation?” taehyun offered. hueningkai tilted his head, “and would you be doing the honors of holding the pillow over my face?” taehyun smirked at him and replied, “if you want!” as they talked, you were writing all the ideas down, excluding hueningkai holding his breath.

hueningkai clapped his hands together, “suffocation it is!”

“what if your body starts fighting back?” you asked, genuinely curious. hueningkai hummed in thought. from the corner of your eye you could see taehyun stifling a laugh. “make sure you tie me down then,” hueningkai replied.

“kinky,” taehyun muttered under his breath, backing away from hueningkai’s attempt to shove him from across the table with a grin. you finished writing and put the cap on the marker, tapping it against the table. “let’s get to it then!” you smirked.

suddenly, chaewon spurted, “what if when you past midnight, things change for the worst?” everyone stopped in their tracks and the room fell deathly silent. what did she mean ‘change for the worst’? the thought seeped into your head like ink and you tried not to let it spread over your thoughts. “that won’t happen,” hueningkai assured everyone, though he didn’t seem to believe his own words that much. if you were in his position—hell, you don’t even need to be in his position—you wouldn’t believe them either.

you glanced over to taehyun who, in turn, was already looking at you with wide eyes. his thoughts in them were clear; we all have to make it past midnight alive and well. all of us.

back at you and chaewon’s dorm, it was twenty minutes until midnight and you could feel the stress swirling around the room. you all basically spent the whole day in your dorm room, staring at the walls, too scared to eat or drink or even watch anything on the off chance it might somehow kill hueningkai.

at some point, chaewon suggested that you all got to know each other. you didn’t miss the sly smirk she gave you either, deciding to ignore it with a roll of you eyes. halfway through, she suddenly struck up a conversation with hueningkai about some school topic that you knew she didn’t have any interest in, leaving you and taehyun to continue the game alone.

deep down, you felt thankful for chaewon, even if she was deliberately trying to set you up right now. honestly, you didn’t know how you would’ve got through this time loop without her.

you and taehyun started asking the randomest of questions to each other. spanning from what your favorite color was to if you had to be any planet in the solar system, which planet would it be and why. your face was flushed with heat that you hoped he didn’t notice as the two of you grew closer. the confession letter burned hotly in your bag across the room, you could feel it like a tether to your soul, begging you to come closer. to reveal it.

during the exchange, you and taehyun somehow got closer and closer to each other as you answered the questions. the two of you were laughing and smiling at each other as your knees and shoulders brushed together from your closeness. you hadn’t even realized that chaewon and hueningkai were whispering to each other now as they stared at the two of you.

the night continued like that up till now. the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. hueningkai was laying on your bed, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. chaewon kept her eyes on the clock on her phone. she downloaded an app that allowed her to see down to the millisecond. you and taehyun were still sitting on the floor, just as close as you had been the whole day.

you looked at him and his eyes trailed over to yours from where he was watching hueningkai on the bed. you gave him a slight nod, squeezing his knee briefly before standing to your feet. “we should get ready,” you said. the others nodded in agreement.

ten minutes until midnight and the pillow was shaking in taehyun’s hands as he stood at the edge of the bed, looking down to hueningkai. you stood next to him and chaewon stood behind you, giving you updates on the time. “it’s okay taehyun,” hueningkai whispered as he looked at him. taehyun just shook his head solemnly in response.

hueningkai sat up, throwing his feet over the edge of the bed in between you and taehyun. “i’m gonna try holding my breath,” he spoke. taehyun opened his mouth to argue, but hueningkai swiftly cut him off with, “i’m holding my breath. if it doesn’t work, well, you guys are in a time loop...” he scooted backwards so his back was flush with the wall.

“five minutes until midnight,” chaewon announced. hueningkai looked at the both of you. “be ready to revive me…” he trailed. hueningkai opened his mouth wide, gulping in as much air as he possibly could before closing it tightly with puffed cheeks. he closed his eyes, letting his head hang and his body relax.

you felt something squeeze your hand tightly and glanced down to see that it was taehyun’s hand. you felt it tremble as his locked nervous stare remained on hueningkai. “two minutes,” chaewon breathed out.

hueningkai’s face was turning purple and you wanted to advert your eyes so badly but couldn’t let yourself. his body watch twitching as it fought against him and his eyes squeezed together tighter. at this point, you didn’t know if it was him or the magic of the time loop taking over. hueningkai’s body went still and he fell over limply, his final breath smoking out between newly parted lips, just as chaewon called, “one minute, it’s go time!”

taehyun was squeezing your hand so tightly you thought it might break, but you didn’t make any moves to remove it from his grasp. chaewon started to count to twenty and as soon as she hit it, taehyun jumped into action. he pulled hueningkai towards him and the two of you got him down to the ground as gently and as fastly as you could. chaewon started doing cpr on him and there was nothing you and taehyun could do but watch and wait.

chaewon had thrown her phone to you when she dropped to the ground, and you took over managing the time. “thirty seconds!” you shouted, as chaewon started pushing on hueningkai’s chest in regulated increments and blowing air into his mouth.

“ten seconds,” you managed nervously. hueningkai still wasn’t breathing. you heard taehyun’s heavy breathing next to you as you watched the numbers grow closer to midnight. with your eyes still on the clock, you took taehyun’s hand as the final three seconds were up.

you woke up in your bed, confession letter on your nightstand, on the five hundred and fifty-first loop. you jumped to your feet, wasting no time as you grabbed your things, when there was rapid knocking at your door. you turned to the door in confusion. when you opened it, a frazzled looking taehyun was on the other side. you beckoned him in.

“so stupid…” taehyun muttered under his breath as he paced the room. “so stupid to let that idiot hold his breath, what was i thinking?” you walked up to him and put your hands on his shoulders, forcing him to stop his pacing and to look at you. “taehyun, take a deep breath,” you said as you stared into his eyes intently. you felt his shoulders rise and fall as he obeyed your command, his eyes fluttering closed. he took another before opening them again.

taehyun took your hands in his. “we’re gonna save him,” you said softly. “all of this isn’t just on your shoulders, okay? we’re in this together. let me share some of the weight.” taehyun’s eyes were trained to the ground as he nodded. just then, chaewon entered the room.

she saw the two of you, your close stance and intertwined hands, and froze mid walk. her mouth opened but you broke away from taehyun and strode up to her before she could say anything. “chaewon! we need your help! we’ll explain on the way.”

later that day, the four of you were once again in you and chaewon’s dorm room. ten minutes until midnight on the clock and taehyun gripped the pillow in his hands so hard his knuckles were white. hueningkai was laying flat on your bed again, looking up to the ceiling.

“five minutes, go time,” chaewon said as she moved closer to the two of you. you gave taehyun an encouraging smile as hueningkai closed his eyes. inside, your stomach churned. you really hoped it worked this time, you don’t know how many times you could watch taehyun essentially kill his best friend to save his life. your heart ached for taehyun, you didn’t know how many more times he could watch his best friend die—let alone be the one to kill him.

taehyun lifted the pillow mere inches above hueningkai’s face. the pillow shook from his trembling. “i’m so sorry, kai,” taehyun whispered, letting the pillow fall from his hands. he took a large step backwards and folded into himself.

you couldn’t let this loop go to waste. springing into action, you inhaled deeply as you pushed the pillow down onto hueningkai’s face. behind you, you heard chaewon say, “you’re on time.” chaewon was then next to you, holding hueningkai down to make sure he didn’t move.

“tw—two minutes,” taehyun’s voice shook. hueningkai’s body stilled once again and you and chaewon brought him to the floor to begin cpr.

“ten s-seconds,” stuttered taehyun. chaewon was laser focused on reviving as you sat and watched. in your head, you counted down. hueningkai didn’t wake back up.

sighing, you woke up to the five hundred and fifty-fifth loop; the others failing once again. four times hueningkai had died. four more times you had failed to save him. this time, chaewon had the idea of hueningkai drinking a bunch of energy drinks before his untimely demise to help jumpstart his heart better. when she said it, you all looked at her with amusement, but any idea is better than no ideas right about now.

taehyun was at your door again, like he was for the past four loops. when he entered, he immediately pulled you into his embrace. for once, the time loop was good for something, you thought. it’s a blessing that the two of you don’t dream, you feared that that would break taehyun completely.

you rubbed taehyun’s back as he tried to stop himself from shaking. he pulled away slightly as he looked into your eyes. “y/n, i know the two of us have grown closer through dubious means, but i am truly glad i got to know you. even if this time loop never ends, even if i have to watch my best friend die over and over and over again, at least you’re there by my side. at least you’re the constant hope that’s here keeping me grounded.” taehyun cupped your cheek, pausing to take a shaky breath.

briefly, he glanced over to your nightstand where your confession letter laid next to your unmade bed. “it’s funny, february thirteenth—god, that feels like a lifetime ago—there was a singular shooting star that night. i was with kai and he was egging me on to make a wish. ‘to always be by his side,’ i wished, ‘to be his best friend forever and to keep him safe. to stay in his moment of happiness where nothing can even fathom touching us.’” taehyun let out a wry laugh before continuing. “the night he first died, i prayed for a miracle, for something, anything. screamed at the sky at the fact that shooting stars were pointless.”

he looked back to your eyes, a glossy layer covering his own. you quietly inhaled at his vulnerability, it all taking you off guard despite the amount of times you’ve seen him cry now. you intertwined your hands together, like you’ve done for the past four loops.

“i know now that shooting stars don’t fly for me. that miracles are one in a million. but despite all of that, you still give me hope. and i know that no matter what happens, we’ll still see each other again,” taehyun concluded. tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes and taehyun brought his hands back to your cheeks softly.

it was as if time moved in slow motion, taehyun moving towards you. when his lips pressed to yours, it was as if all the stars had aligned. you felt the morning sun heat your skin through your open blinds. he was wrong, shooting stars did fly, and they flew for the both of you.

when you both pulled away, slightly out of breath, you couldn’t help the smile that was on your lips. “i made a wish too,” you said quietly, just loud enough for him to hear. “that no matter the outcome, no matter if you accepted my confession or rejected it, you’d continue being the person i grew feelings for. that your smile would always light up a room and bring joy to all of those around you. that i’d get to see your smiling face, full of happiness, everyday. that you’d always be happy.” as you spoke, the smile on taehyun’s face only grew wider, warming your heart and proving your point.

“shooting stars do fly for you, i’ll make sure of it if i have to. and you’re right,” you booped his nose slightly making him giggle, “we will see each other again. and you’ll see hueningkai again on a day that isn’t this dreaded godforsaken day. i’ll make sure of it.” taehyun pulled you in for another kiss just as chaewon entered. the two of you didn’t mind her, pulling each other closer.

“ten minutes,” chaewon called. at this point, you didn’t even need her announcements. you had the time down to a science. you looked to hueningkai, “you’re gonna live. i promise you that.” he looked over to you, a wide and wishful smile spreading across his face. how you wished that he and chaewon could remember the loops with you and taehyun. the four of you had grown so close given the circumstances that it made you sad that the slate got erased each time. but, it also made you happy. once you were all out of this time loop you could start anew, fresh. at least, in a way.

no doubt this time loop will always follow you and taehyun, like a ghost clinging to your shoulders. i mean, it’s been all you’ve known for so long, how could it not? you just hope you’re able to move past it and finally live normal lives.

“i hope so!” hueningkai exclaimed. you felt it deep inside. this time, your plan was gonna work. hueningkai downed the small case of energy drinks, cringing at the taste of them, and laid back down. he nodded at you and taehyun, signifying he was ready. “five minutes,” chaewon spoke, passing her phone to taehyun. you gave taehyun a smile. it was going to work this time.

the pillow came down and hueningkai’s body stilled as there were two minutes until midnight. you and chaewon brought him to the floor and the three of you crowded around his body. taehyun took your hand, giving it a squeeze, as you looked at each other. chaewon began cpr.

ten seconds until midnight and counting, chaewon shouted that she had a pulse. five seconds until midnight, hueningkai gasped in a breath of air and his eyes fluttered open. for the first time in all of the five hundred and fifty-five loops you’ve been through, you watched as taehyun cried tears of happiness. the three of you pulled hueningkai into your arms, laughing with joy at the fact that he was still alive.

“it’s 12:01am,” hueningkai’s raspy voice spoke as he pointed to chaewon’s discarded phone next to you all. you let out a gasp as you and taehyun stared at each other with wide eyes. “we did it,” he spoke, disbelief rounding the edges of his voice. “we did it!” you echoed, a large smile breaking out on your face. you bent down and hugged hueningkai, “you’re alive!”

you felt a pull deep within you, and the next thing you knew, you were waking up in your dorm room again. confusion pulled your brows and you stood to your feet slowly, looking at the confession letter on your nightstand in slight horror. no, this couldn’t be. this was impossible.

taehyun burst through the door of your room a minute later, not even bothering to knock, with a sleepy hueningkai behind him. chaewon was a close second behind them. with wide eyes, taehyun exclaimed, “he remembers! the time loop, he remembers!”

“i remember too!” chaewon laughed. you all let out shocked laughs, not quite sure how else to react. the four of you fell into a group hug. you would kill to see an outside perspective of all of this. four frazzled college students in their various pajamas with the weight of the world on their shoulders, seeing things that nobody else has seen before. it would sure be a sight to behold.

“so is this just a regular day then?” hueningkai asked, his voice muffled between the layers of clothing. “we get through today and tomorrow will finally not be valentine’s day?” you laughed as you pulled away, the others doing the same. “we just gotta get through today!”

taehyun turned to hueningkai, “you will not be leaving my sight today. we don’t need to enter another time loop.” hueningkai laughed and just nodded, a smile lingering on his lips. “what’s another day indoors?” chaewon smiled.

you all spent the day in taehyun and hueningkai’s dorm instead of you and chaewon’s. you all desperately needed the change of scenery. at one point, you all became curious to see if anybody else remembered the last loop besides the four of you. hueningkai managed to convince taehyun to let him roam around the dorms with chaewon to find out, “i just can’t say no to him,” taehyun had said.

when the two of you were alone in the dorm room, you pulled your confession letter out of your bag and presented it in front of taehyun. he laughed a little, “what are you doing?” you smiled, pushing it towards him more. “will you be my valentine?”

taehyun took the letter and opened it, like he did so many times before that he could read every word by heart. tell you where each spec of glitter resided on the pink paper. he read over the letter one more time, mock surprise and shock on his face. “i like you too, of course i’ll be your valentine.” he pulled you in for a gentle kiss, smiling against your lips as you giggled.

“will you be my girlfriend?” taehyun asked once you pulled away. your smile widened, “i don’t know… maybe you’ll have to ask me over and over and over for me to decide.” he playfully rolled his eyes at your teasing. “i’ve liked you since the beginning, you know. you didn’t think i didn’t notice you staring at me in class? sitting just in the right seat so i’m always in your view?” you face heated tremendously and taehyun laughed as his thumbs brushed over your warm cheeks. “you didn’t notice that we were always in at least one class together? how no matter where one of us sat, we could still see each other?”

you pressed your lips to his to shut him up, not needing any more embarrassment. “i’ll be your girlfriend,” you chuckled as you pulled away. “it’s already bad enough you remember the early loops—god, i’ll never live that embarrassment down!”

“it was cute to see how much you liked me! i only rejected you because i had to focus on saving kai. if we weren’t in that stupid time loop we would’ve been together ages ago!” taehyun said, causing you to smile warmly at him. you laid your head on his shoulder and he laid his head on top of yours. “you know, at the campfire party, i was gonna ask you out but you spoke before i could and the loop restarted before i could say anything.”

you pulled away and whipped your head to face him, “what?” you urged him to explain himself. laughing, taehyun said, “yeah! when the letter magically flew into my hands? i had came up to you to ask you out but you assumed i was there to reject you again, which i mean, i don’t blame you for…” you looked at him in shock.

shoving taehyun lightly, you gasped in disbelief before pulling him towards you into a kiss. the door to his dorm jiggled dramatically, causing you both to pull away with a laugh. chaewon and hueningkai came into the room with shielded eyes. “you both decent?” chaewon asked. you just shook your head at them which chuckling, “we weren’t doing anything, assholes.” they uncovered their eyes and stepped further into the room, closing the door.

they sat down in front of you, giving each other a look and then high-fiving. you raised an eyebrow at them. “finally the two of you got together! chaewon and i were talking and it’s ridiculous how you both didn’t see how much you liked each other,” hueningkai said. you looked over to taehyun to see him roll his eyes, a small smile on his face.

the four of you stayed in the dorms for the rest of the day, hanging out and chatting together. you were happy you were getting to know them better, even if you did slightly freak them out with information they technically never told you about.

you were all leaned over chaewon’s phone, five minutes until midnight. taehyun’s eyes were on kai like a hawk and you could tell kai was nervous too by the way he kept fidgeting with the string on his pajama pants. “deep breaths everyone, everything is gonna be okay,” you said encouragingly. inhales we’re heard around the circle and the tension started to lift a little.

“ten seconds,” chaewon announced. you all watched as the numbers climbed to midnight, and then to 12:01 and 12:02 and all the way to 12:05am. taehyun let out a long sigh of relief, closing his eyes briefly. “thank god, i’m starving!” kai said. you and chaewon jumped to your feet in excitement. “we fucking did it!” you shouted in celebration, pulling the two boys up to join you. you pulled the polaroid camera from out your bag and snapped a picture of the four of you, needing to cement this occasion forever.

“finally, february fifteenth, i could kiss the ground you walk on!” taehyun murmured, pulling you all into one big hug. you held onto them all. you had all made it, together. you tightened your grip on them, and you were never letting go.

© jjunieworld - all rights reserved. please do not repost on any social media sites, translate, or modify any of my works.

taglist: @jjunberry @gothgyuu @spooksh0wbabe @beargyuuzz @kittyhyuka @hueningm1ckey @dani-is-tired @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie

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[vilf-lover]

i’m not one of those cool fanfic writers so don’t expect greatness and i’m idk how to make a title and fancy specifications but

this is how i imagine darlin getting everyone kicked out of the club because of them fighting went down ⭐️

gn!darlin

1400 words 😭😭😭 certified yapper

“I LOVE THIS SONG!!” angel shouted into darlin’s ear while an intense edm rendition of ‘baby’ by justin bieber roared from every crevice of the club

they were wondering if anyone was going to be able to hear after tonight, but they didn’t care because of how much fun they were having. though, they were questioning angel’s taste in music…

“OKAY I AM GOING TO GO GET A WATER AND GO SIT DOWN WITH MR PARTY POOPER OVER THERE” obviously darlin was referring to their wonderful mate that just happened to come to the club again- even after last time ;))

he claimed he came again for safety reasons but they knew it’s because he had a blast, even before their “dance lesson”. sam may not be a dancer, but he always talks about how music makes him feel truly alive, how he felt when he was human. a reminder of his livelihood.

darlin ends up sitting next to their mate the rest of their night as they both enjoy shirley temples and nice cold waters.

as the night grows older, the pack decides they’ll stay for 30 more minutes before leaving.

about five minutes before they plan to leave-“darlin’ i’m gonna use the restroom before we head out. don’t get in any trouble without me.” he chuckles as he jostles out of his seat and makes his way to the back.

about a minute passes before a man, about 6’0, shoulder-length hair, one full sleeve of tattoos sits on the chair next to them; in the seat sam was occupying.

“so gorgeous, you leaving here with that guy? because i know something that would make you much happier” he smiles smugly as the words leave his lips

they’re a bit taken aback. while this was not their first rodeo, no cowboy pun intended, they now felt way different when being hit on. as though it was an insult to them and sam.

“oh really.” they say in such an unenthused tone that most people would stand up and walk away right then and there.

it seems as though he takes this as a challenge. “yeah hun, i’m sure i could treat you better than he could. tenfold. how about i prove it?” you can hear the smirk on his face.

this is when darlin’ decides to stop being civil. there is nothing they hate more than a person that won’t take no for an answer. they would know after being in a relationship with one for way too long. boundaries are boundaries.

“listen. i am trying to give you the chance to leave this conversation right now. rejection is hard, i know. i’m sure you’re horny and lonely, but i’m not. so leave me alone.” they scoff and turn their chair back to the bar

“well didn’t know you were such a fucking bitch who didn’t know how to have fun but whatever” he starts mumbling to himself as he walks off, head hanging low

sam appears in the crowd of people, making his way back to his seat. “phew- sorry, the line was so long. how’re you doin’ darlin?”

“well- other than a guy poorly hitting on me, i’m doing okay” they scoff thinking about the interaction

sam is puzzled. “who did what? i left for like two minutes and you’re being ambushed. what am i going to do with such a fine specimen of a mate”

he leans in for a kiss as they both laugh and get up from their seats to meet everyone at the front

darlin and sam are walking out of the club with ash, milo, david and their mates when they hear something behind them

an agitated voice yells at the group, “oh so you have a little posse. and there’s your little boyfriend too. cute.”

confused, they all give glances to each other before darlin’ says to just keep looking forward and walk.

soon it would become obvious that this was not the end of the interaction.

“ignoring me? it’s good to know they’re all fucking bitches! just like you!” the man slurring his words and getting progressively louder as his sentences drag on

darlin’, upset, turns around and approaches the man while still keeping a good five feet of distance to try and maintain some civility. “can you leave me and my friends alone. you are obviously tipsy so i’m giving you this last warning”

they go to turn around before getting kicked in the stomach

“i’m not scared of you or your little friends! and i won’t take a pathetic ass threat!” he says, now screaming.

everyone is in shock- a person they don’t know is now attempting to hurt the person they all know won’t take shit.

“holy shit!” milo gasps, possibly for dramatic effect

david sighs while rubbing his temples, “this is not going to end well for him”

darlin is now standing up after falling into the ground, brushing the rubble off of their hands. there’s an annoyed look on their face as they walk over to sam. “i really did not want to do this tonight but can you take my bag and my rings?”

the man is standing there distraught, wondering why they are acting so leisurely after getting kicked.

darlin’ gives sam a kiss on the cheek and looks at the pack, “enjoy the show, i guess” they roll their eyes before turning back to the man

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing, you think this is some kind of jo-“ he tries to mutter a sentence, before getting punched square in the face

usually, darlin likes making fighting a game. something they can drag out and feel some adrenaline before ending it. but tonight? no, not tonight.

the man looks up, his nose is bleeding immensely. he looks terrified, skittering back on his feet and hands as darlin’ approaches them.

darlin’ is now towering over him, the dim illumination of a streetlight overhead creates a silhouette of their figure thats spine-chilling, they look menacing as ever

“i’ll let you stand up once.” they say under their breath, “give you some dignity. so it won’t be so embarrassing to remember tomorrow.”

they walk back as he very slowly gets up

the man laughs, “giving pity? not a good idea. i can destroy you hun. i just wasn’t prepared.”

he goes to throw a right jab after swinging his left leg in between their feet to knock them over.

in theory, it’s a good idea. make them unstable then hit them when they’re not excepting it. unfortunately for him- that’s not how it went…

darlin is not affected by the leg, and instead squeezes his leg in between their feet. making him stuck- falling directly on his side. a painful landing to say the least

as the pack is watching, they’re also making full commentary. not loud enough for them to hear, as that would be a detrimental mistake.

“do you think they’re going easy?” david asks

“oh absolutely” sam chuckles, “this is nothin’”

asher laughs, “yeah i think they’ve thrown a punch harder than that at me!”

the man is now in fetal position on his left side, wincing in pain.

darlin’ leans down to a crouch, frightenly close, and whispers, “next time, know. no means fucking no. don’t do this ever again. prick.”

the emphasis of their words would’ve been enough to make him topple over in the first place

he does nothing but nod as they walk off.

with impeccable timing, the security guard from the back of the club walks up to the group.

“i’ve been asked to escort you and your party off of the premises.” the man had a deep voice and is quite taller than anyone in the group.

darlin’ chuckles, “are you joking? i mean- this dude was harassing me and then my “party” this whole time and you didn’t feel the need to interject.”

the guard seems to give a glance that says “yeah, i know. i’m just doing my job” which everyone in that group has given before.

“okay. we were just leaving anyway. thanks sir, have a good night” david seems to be the only peaceful one at the moment. at most moments actually.

there’s silence in the pack as they continue walking away from the club until a overly-enthusiastic “wow! that was awesome!” spouts from asher

i am not a fic writer to say the least but i have a very active imagination and i hope this lives up to standard in one way or another

@rarelyisa

@infinitelovewithoutfulfillment

@aimedis

i hope you guys enjoy :>>

[vanfleeter]

Bound For Earth: Chapter 5

Characters: Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, Sam Kiszka, Daniel Wagner, Marlie Warnings: 18+ || Language. Angst. Physical violence. Mentions of guns. Lies. Yelling. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. Fluff. Brother banter. Family affairs. Jake receives a gift. Smut. Loss of virginity. Fingering. Oral sex (m & f receiving). Penetrative sex.

Bound For Earth Masterlist

I am not leaving this planet because of a bullet.

“You think, for one second, that I believed you?” Sam says from behind me. He laughs and slowly walks around me with a gun still pointed at me. “The two of you just happen to randomly show up here, claiming to somehow be my long lost brothers who were born on Mars? Ha! How stupid do you think I am?”

“Well, to be fair, we don’t know much about you.” Josh says from somewhere behind me. I hear a scuffle and him groaning.

“Did I give you permission to talk?” Sam says as he turns his head slightly to look at Josh. “Maybe you should have done more research..”

“Sam, please..” I plead. “Everything we’ve told so far is the truth.”

“Oh yeah?” He says as he snatches Danny’s phone from my hand. “Then who did you call?”

“A friend..”

“Oh..” He chuckles. “A friend.. Jakey boy has a friend.. Who the hell would want to be friends with a boy on Mars?” I watch him as he types in Danny’s passcode and taps a few times before lifting the phone to his ear. “Oh hello..” He sneers when she answers. “No, I’m sorry Jake is a little…busy.. Oh, you’re coming here? Wonderful.. Then I guess I’ll get to meet his friend too.” He hangs up and tosses the phone back to Danny before stepping up close to me. “Still lying to me, Jake. Your ‘friend’ is a girl. You’re so pathetic for thinking anyone would ever fall in love with an alien.”

I clench my jaw and tighten my fists into balls at my sides. “You touch her and I will-”

“What?” He smiles. “Kill me? I’d like to see you try.. You’re from Mars, and Mars is hell of a lot different from Earth. You’d be in for a rude awakening.” He starts to turn around and lowering the gun, but he doubles back and throws his fist into my abdomen. I doubled over in pain, falling to the floor on both my hands and knees.

“Call..Mom..” I cough out. “She’ll tell you..everything..”

“You think I’d believe anything that comes out of her mouth? She left me! She does every fucking year!” He scoffs. “And I just supposed to believe that she kept you two a secret my whole life?!”

“Then ask Dad..” I go to lift my head and he grabs a chunk of my hair in his fist and pulls me back. I fumble backwards, nearly falling over. “He’ll tell you the truth.. Mom called him..when we left on the cruiser.. She told us he was out of town and he took you with him.. But she lied.. He’s been here the whole time.. He never left.. So ask him..”

Sam drops me to the floor and I hear him lock the safety on the gun. “Tie ‘em up,” He says to Danny. “And when she gets here? Let her come to him. I’m going to have a little fun with her.”

Josh and I were tied back to back and left on the floor. This was not how I thought this was going to go. Our brother is a psycho.

“I’m sorry..” Josh says.

“Sorry for what?”

“Bringing us here.. I just wanted to see Dad..”

“I know you did..”

“And now look at us.. We’re tied up in his living room because our little brother is deranged.. Who does he think we are?”

“Not who we claim to be.. Apparently.. Texas is truly living up to its name..”

“This isn’t a fucking,” Josh struggles against the bindings and huffs. “Wild, wild west movie.. This is bullshit.”

The front door opens and I look over to see Marlie. When she turns towards us, her eyes grow wide and she quickly runs over. “What happened to you two?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I say. “You need to leave.”

“What? No!”

“Marlie, please listen to me.. You need to leave.. Sam is a fucking psycho.. He doesn’t believe we are who we say we are and he’s going to–”

“Well well well..” Sam steps into the room and crosses his arms over his chest. “You must be Jakey’s “friend”.”

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to find out the truth.”

“Sam-”

“Ah!” He narrows his eyes at Marlie. “How do you know my name?”

“Jake’s told me about you. He told me that you’re his brother, a brother they never knew about until recently..” She slowly stands back to her feet. “Sam, they are who they say they are. Your parents kept you all a secret from each other for whatever fucked up reason, but you have to believe them. They came to see your father and Jake only wants to experience Earth like a normal person.”

“And how can I believe you?”

Marlie reaches inside the back of her jacket and withdraws a gun. What the hell? She points it at Sam. Sam immediately raises his hands.

“Woah.. I wasn’t going to kill them.”

“Then I suggest you untie them..” She says. “And we can figure this out like adults..”

When Sam unties us and we get to our feet, Josh pulls me off to the side. “Who the hell did you meet?” I shrug my shoulders. Over the course of a year, I never really talked in depth with her about her life outside of the basics. I didn’t know what she did for a living but judging by the gun, it has to be dangerous. Regardless.. Seeing her with a gun definitely made me feel some type of way.

“Were guns really necessary?” Josh asks as he rubs his wrists.

“We are in Texas,” Sam says. “Always have to be prepared.”

“For what? We literally just came here from a different planet. We don’t have weapons!” Josh exclaims. “We barely even know how to fucking walk because this gravity is so damn heavy! And you think we’re just going to come charging in here like we’re some secret agent? Do y’all even do that anymore?”

“Well what else was I supposed to do?”

“Gee, I don’t know,” Josh says, slapping his hands against his thighs. “Don't tie us up! And certainly not threaten us with a gun! I didn’t know we were supposed to act like outlaws or else we would have come better equipped.”

“Believe it or not, they are your brothers.” Marlie says. “Your parents definitely have a lot of explaining to do.”

“But before we get to that, can we please get something to eat?” Josh asks. “I’m starving and I really want to try waffles.”

Marlie giggles and pats his shoulder. “I know the perfect place to get your waffles. Care to join us, Sam?”

“Oh uh.. Sure, I guess.”

As we head out of the house, my body slightly aching still, I stop Marlie at the bottom of the front porch. “Why do you have a gun?”

“Daddy always told me that you always have to have your saving grace with you, just in case.”

“You’re not a secret agent or something dangerous, are you?”

Marlie smiles and shakes her head. “Nope.. Just a regular old lawyer.” She says. “Why? Were you hoping I’d be a spy or something?”

“No.. But seeing you with that gun definitely made me feel something.”

“Oh yeah?” She draws me in close and presses her lips to mine.

Holy shit.. Her lips feel so soft. I never wanted to part. Instinctively, I grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to me. She is so completely real and she feels so warm against my body. I start to move my hand up underneath her shirt, feeling her soft skin when the car horn blares making us pull apart.

“Hey! Not in the driveway! Quit being nasty!” Josh shouts from the backseat window. “Y’all can do that later! I want my waffles!”

“Is he always like that?” She asks.

“Uptight and demanding? Oh yeah..” I chuckle. Giving her a quick peck on her lips, we head down to the car.

–

“Again I’m really sorry,” Danny says to Josh. “We’ve kind of learned from a young age on using violence when we need to.”

“Well we were not,” Josh says. “Frankly our mom kept us from anything that would incite violence.. Although sometimes we do get into quite the scuffle,” He says as he smirks at me. “Jake, how many times have I pinned you?”

“I’ve lost count..”

Josh chuckles and stabs his fork into another piece of his waffle and takes a bite. “Fuck these are so good..” He mumbles through his mouthful.

“So you really don’t have this kind of food up there?” Sam asks. “Is it the freeze dried crap?”

I shake my head and take another drink of the orange juice that Josh was so adamant about trying and then realizing just how much he hates it. So now I’m stuck with it. “We mainly eat vegetables..”

“And it’s good to eat something that isn’t green..or orange..” Josh says as he continues shoveling waffles into his mouth.

“They figured out how to grow vegetables, so that’s mostly our food sources. Sometimes we’ll get lucky and they’ll bring up bacon but aside from that, we don’t have any of this up there. Milk is a rarity. Seems you can only get in on the cruiser and down here.”

“That milk was gross too,” Josh grimaces.

“Which kind was it?” Danny asks.

“I think the label said “Skim” or something,” He shrugs his shoulders.

“Skim milk is disgusting.” Danny chuckles. “They make you drink it?”

“Well we aren’t forced to but I mean, there isn’t much else to drink besides water and even that gets tiring after a while.” I say.

Sam’s phone beeps on the table and he picks it up. “It’s dad.. Says he’ll be home soon. We should head back.”

“He doesn’t own a gun too, does he?” Josh asks.

“Yeah..” Sam says.

“Oh wonderful..” Josh rolls his eyes. “Maybe I should get one.”

“No!” Sam and I both exclaim.

Josh scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Well fine.. I need a box, I want to take the rest of this with me.”

“You’re still hungry?” Danny chuckles.

“Like we said.. We grew up on nothing but vegetables.” Josh says. “This is a fucking dream come true.”

I can help but laugh from my corner of the table. Marlie offers to pay and soon the five of us are headed back to the house. Time to face the music.

Quite literally.

Music is blasting from the surround sound system that’s hooked up around the house. According to Sam it was all installed when he was still in high school. It made for great house parties.

“Dad?” Sam calls out over the music. “Dad!”

“Kitchen!” He calls back. “I thought I’d cook up some steaks for dinner tonight! And then for dessert we could have that cherry pie that Darlene baked yesterday!”

Sam walks over to the stereo system along the wall in the sitting room and rotates the dial and the music softens. “Dad, that all sounds great, but do we have enough for six people?”

“Six?” He turns away from slathering stuff on a bunch of meat cuts. “Oh my god..” He says when his eyes land on Josh and I. “You’re.. You’re here.. I thought your mom was bullshitting me..” He quickly washes his hands off and rushes over to us and pulls us both into a hug. “Gosh it feels so good to finally hug you both.”

“Dad, loosen up a bit,” Sam says. “You’re crushing them.”

“They ain’t used to this.” Danny chuckles.

“Oh you’re one to speak,” Dad says when he pulls away. “By the way,” He stretches out his hand to Sam. “Hand it over..” Sam sighs and pulls the gun out from the back of his pants and lays it in Dad’s hands. “Were you trying to be intimidating?”

“Yes.. And it worked.”

“That is until Marlie came in,” Danny says. “Thought Sam was going to piss himself, he wasn’t expecting it.”

“Shut up asshole.” Sam says as he shoves Danny.

“Who’s Marlie?” Dad asks.

Marlie raises her hand and I wrap my arm around her. “Dad, meet Marlie. My girlfriend.”

“Woah, slow down. Girlfriend? Your mom never mentioned a girlfriend.”

“Well, she doesn’t know either.” I say.

“And how long..”

“We met in an online class,” Marlie says. “We were paired to write a report on how soundwaves work. Only took six months to finally know he really was,” She giggles.

“Six months?” Sam questions. “What?”

“There isn’t exactly an instruction manual on how to tell someone you were born on a different planet.” I say. “It’s not like I live in Ohio.”

“I sure hope you don’t,” Danny says with a chuckle.

“Do you have a special someone I should know about, Josh?” Dad asks.

“Nope,” He says. “Just these waffles.”

“I bet your mother isn’t happy about the two of you being down here,” Dad says as he goes back to rubbing stuff onto the raw meat. That sounded wrong..

“She’s so pissed,” Josh chuckles. “She ordered Headquarters to keep us locked up there until the next transport back to Mars.”

“I see that didn’t really work out,” Dad chuckles.

“Apparently Josh decided to be the sneaky one,” Jake says. “He still has yet to explain how he figured it all out.”

“Air ducts,” Josh mumbles around more waffles. “I crawled through them until I found the right passage and then I learned the patterns of the guards and knew when they'd switch and how long it takes before the new ones show up.”

“Now they’re probably on a manhunt looking for you,” Dad says.

“Probably,” I shrug my shoulders.

“Well.. Let’s get these steaks grilling and then get y’all on the move,” Dad says. “If you’re going to experience Earth, you need to have a little fun.”

All during dinner, we played a game of catch up with Dad and Sam. Learning all these things we never knew before, like Sam crashing his car in high school. Hmm, it seems that he and Josh have something in common. Sam also has a girlfriend who is currently on a trip to Mexico. Dad still works for Explore Tech, but now that the truth is out, he can now make the trip to Mars to visit when he’s able to. Sam was not holding back about wanting to come up to Mars.

“I have to see it for myself,” He says.

There was a lot going on and we hadn’t realized how late it was until I noticed Josh slowly dozing off on the couch.

“We’d better get going,” Marlie says as she stands up from the couch.

“Where y’all staying?” Dad asks.

“Oh uh..” I ponder even telling him. What if he rats us out?

“I promise I won’t say a word if they come poking around here,” He says.

“I got us a rental down at the beach,” Marlie says. “Jake’s always wanted to check it out so I thought it would be relaxing for a couple of days.”

Within a few hours, the three of us made it to the coast. The sun was beginning to set and it looked absolutely stunning along the horizon. Josh made off to bed and he was completely knocked out within a few minutes. Marlie and I stayed up a little while longer.

“Jake?” Marlie softly speaks as she runs her fingers through my hair. I turn my head away from the water and look back at her. “Say you do go back to Mars… What happens to us?”

“Nothing..” I say. “If all goes well down here, then I know I can come back to see you. Nothing will change for us. I won’t give you up that easily.”

“It’s just.. We’re finally here–together.. I don’t want you to go back.”

“I don’t want to go back either.” I say. I twist my body around to face her and I pull her in for a kiss. “I finally have you, I don’t ever want this to end.”

Standing up from the sand, I pull her to her feet and we head back inside the beach house. We’re slowly undressing each other in the other bedroom, far enough away from Josh. I didn’t ever think this day would ever come, but here I am, standing before her in nothing but my bare skin. We’re just staring at each other, still not quite believing that any of this is real.

But it is.

We know it is.

Pressing our bodies together, I draw her in for a kiss and lay my hand on her bare hip. As our lips begin to move in sync with each other, I carefully lift her up on the bed. We only break apart momentarily as we move up the bed.

Everything about this moment felt so surreal. The french doors that lead out to the balcony are open, allowing the cool ocean breeze to flow in. And the sounds of the waves are nothing but relaxing.

Crawling up the bed, I nestle myself in between her legs as I reconnect our lips. My hands are blindly feeling over her body until I’m coming between her legs. She moans when I press my thumb against her clit.

What? You think just because I live on another planet, I don’t know about a woman’s anatomy? Please… Certain things are still attainable on a different planet.

Toying with her for just a little bit longer, I dip my fingers inside of her. The feeling was like nothing I’d ever felt before. Her little whimpers have me craving her even more. I set a steady pace of pumping my fingers in and out of her. My name flows from her mouth as if it always belonged there and clung to me tightly as I brought her to her orgasm. I continued to pump my fingers, and slightly dragged them down her slick walls.

So that’s what that means..

Suddenly she’s moaning quite loudly as her body stiffens beneath me.

“Oh fuck..” She breathes. Her fingers dig into my back as her own arches slightly makiher chest press against mine. My hand is soon covered in her release. My first instinct is to move down there so I do. I crawl backwards and plunge myself between her legs to take in everything she has to offer.

I lick between her folds, savoring every bit of her. Once I have all of her release licked up, I kiss my way up her body, worshiping every single inch of her. When I get back up to her level, she’s pushing on my shoulders and turning me onto my back. She returns the favor and starts kissing me before leaving a trail down my neck and to my collarbone. This feeling she’s making me feel is unlike anything I’ve felt before and I never want it to end.

She moves down my body, kissing every part of me until she reaches my shaft. I feel her lips brush against my length and my body jolts. Looking down, I watch her as she licks her tongue up my length and over the tip.

“Fuck..” I moan when she wraps her mouth around the tip and gently sucks on it. This feels so much better than my hand. My eyes roll as she sinks further down my length until I nudge the back of her throat. She repeats the process of lifting upwards and then taking all of me in again. I can’t help but to dig my hands into her hair. “Marlie, I..” Her hands come up to my hips and she gently squeezes them. She knows what she’s doing and my god I hope she never stops. This feeling is so much more intense than I could bring myself to feel on my own.

She doesn’t stop until I’m practically submitting myself completely to her. The warm feeling in my gut intensifies, tightening the coil until I can’t hold back any longer. Once her throat hollows out and she’s taking me deeper, I finally fall over the edge and hit my own climax. My release spills into her and she’s taking all of what I have to give.

I’ve never felt a feeling this intense before. I didn't even know I was capable of performing the way that I did. I was a whimpering mess by the time she was done with me.

She moves back towards me and kisses me. I moan when I taste my release on her lips. I dig my fingers into her hips, pushing her down against my body.

I’m still craving her. My body still needs this. I thrust my hips upwards, grinding my lower half against her. Rolling us back over, I adjust myself between her legs again. I didn’t waste any time before plunging deep inside of her. She cries out my name and digs her fingernails into my back.

I start out slow, allowing her to adjust to me. She claims I’m slightly bigger than what she’s used to. So obviously I’m not her first but I don’t care. That doesn’t bother me because I’m the one she’s with and that’s all that matters.

I gently rise a little, bringing her hips with me and I thrust my hips forward slightly faster. She’s clawing at my skin, no doubt leaving marks all over me. Eventually I’m picking up the pace a little bit more.

Part of me still thinks that this is all just a dream but I know it’s all real as I hold her body in my hands.

She moans a little more and I feel her clenching around me. That feeling is coming back but I know I have to fight it. I need to hold it off for just a bit longer. She clenches around me before she cries out my name again and coats me completely with her release. The coil snaps within me and I can feel all of what I have filling her full.

This feeling is so much stronger than when she sucked me dry. This is so much more intense. My head feels so light and my body just the same, as if I’m back on Mars. I feel like I just fell into the ether. I feel nothing but pure bliss. But that feeling soon fades away leaving my ears ringing and my chest rapidly rising as I try to catch my breath.

My head is resting against her chest and I hear her heart racing inside of her chest.

“That was your first time?” She asked once we both had settled down.

I was laying on my back with my eyes fixated on the blank, white ceiling. “Yeah..” I respond as I turn my head so I can look at her. “Why?”

“Just didn't seem like it at all,” She says with a twinge of a smile.

“Was I okay?”

She smiles and rolls over onto her side. “You did perfect,” She kisses my cheek and nuzzles her nose against the side of my face. “I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“You’ll have to find out.” She says as she pulls away and climbs out of the bed. She slips on her clothes and starts heading for the door. “Come on.”

I pull my own clothes back on and quickly follow after her. She leads me back downstairs and out the front door to her car. Going over to the trunk, she unlocks it and lifts the door. Resting inside was a guitar case. She unlocks that too and lifts the lid revealing the most beautiful acoustic.

“I know you said you wanted to learn to play one so I bought you one. I’m not entirely sure if you’ll be able to take it back with you but.. You can learn how to play while you’re here.”

“You really bought this for me?”

She nods her head and lifts it out of the case. “I even had it engraved.” She turned it over and there on the back was a tiny rocket with a star just above it. “That’s us.”

“I love it.” I say as I lean down to kiss her. “Thank you.”

______________________________________________________________

Apologies in advanced with this taglist, I have recently been having problems with it!

@watchingover-hypegirl @losfacedevil @ignite-my-fire @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @writingcold (more tags in comments)

[pagannatural]

2.02 Everybody Loves a Clown

-Dad died so we’re going to a carnival

-MY GOD Dean looks amazing in this episode. He looks most himself in a t shirt covered in car grease. No wonder Sam keeps coming up to bother him.

-Sam is like Do you need anything Dean? Can I help with the car? Will you talk to me? I broke into our dead dad’s voicemail so that we could hang out again

- Dean: “I feel like a friggin soccer mom” well didn’t Sam play soccer and aren’t you his mom

-Dean asks why Sam was so quick to jump on this job and Sam says it’s what dad would’ve wanted. Sam wishes he could’ve truly made amends with John. They mostly fought about Dean last episode, and Sam has probably put it together that actually John traded his soul to the demon to save Dean so Sam probably feels a complicated gratitude toward John for that. He doesn’t know about John asking Dean to save/kill him, so he doesn’t know John has another reason for saving Dean other than just caring about him enough to sacrifice his soul and life’s mission to save him.

The other layer to Sam deciding now that he wants to be a hunter like John always wanted is that it’s so much easier for Sam to do that now that John’s dead. He’s struggling with the grief-that part isn’t easy- but he’s been fighting John his whole life. He doesn’t need to assert his independence from a father who isn’t there. Now his only real conflict hunting with Dean is being in love with him, but he trusts Dean and he’s seen now that he’s Dean’s top priority.

-What I wouldn’t give for Dean to lie to the carnival manager and say their act is him throwing knives at Sam. Can you even imagine the homoerotic tension. He just barely papercuts Sam’s neck, Sam gulps and tilts his head to show Dean the thin line of blood. Where am I

-Sam calls Dean’s behavior his “strong, silent thing.” The way he describes Dean in the rare moments he does is pretty revealing. Dean lies and hides himself frequently and Sam is the one person who sees through his bullshit. One of my favorite things about Sam is that he feels what he feels and he acts on it and the only feelings he can’t act on are those ones. You know the ones.

-Dean is angry that Sam suddenly wants to do what John would have wanted. Dean is pissed off that Sam wants to follow John’s wishes, now of all times. Because meanwhile, Dean is collapsing in on himself like a dying star with the need to not have to follow John’s last order, which was to potentially kill Sam. Dean would rather die. Of course Sam doesn’t understand this and just wants Dean to let him in, and he needs comfort from Dean. I bet usually Dean would give him that.

-Dean makes up with Sam by flirting with him, teasing that he’s a stickler for details about the case, and Sam smiles blushingly. He’s so pleased. Dean glances over at him with this pained longing. Just kiss.

-Sam with his whole body facing Dean, gazing at him:

-Sam looks displeased when he realizes Jo and Dean want him to leave so they can flirt

-Sam tells Dean that he misses John, feels guilty, and isn’t okay, and knows Dean isn’t either. He has tears in his eyes.

Dean looks at Sam like it’s physically painful not to comfort him. He must feel so guilty and horrible knowing John said he might have to kill Sam, like he can’t touch Sam while he’s holding this secret. He also thinks it’s his fault that John is dead instead of him, and therefore that it’s his fault Sam is struggling.

-Sam leaves. Dean just fucking loses it. He’s been working on repairing the Impala, the thing John left him. He grabs a crowbar and smashes the windows, tears a hole in the trunk. He’s so angry with John for putting this on him. Imagine, the same Dean who made John promise he’d keep Sammy safe before he would agree to leave for kindergarten. He stares after Sam, his lips trembling.

I love when Dean is violent. I don’t think his violence has surfaced in contexts other than overwhelming emotions for or related to Sam.

-They need to resolve the issue of why Sam is sticking around now that he’s finally, finally decided to. Sam’s actions show a trust and devotion to Dean as well as a desire for closeness, but Dean’s guilt and fear make him want to push Sam away.

[queerofcups]

a July rec list

I read a truly absurd amount of fanfic in July, and since I’m tracking my fic reading anyway these days, I figured, why not pull up some faves. I’ll do my best to tag authors when and where I can! I’ll throw some commentary in there to talk about why I like some of them, but rest assure this is a rec list and I think every one of them has something to love. 

Hockey RPF

In the scrawl of the ringside choir E, 37k, Hockey RPF | @goodnightpuckbunny Sid/Geno

“Geno, this is Sid Crosby,” Kris says, sitting back down. The kid towers over both of them, but seems small in the office. “You need a coach, so he’s gonna help you out.” He looks Sid over, eyes scanning like he’s looking for weaknesses, faults in his form. Sid has plenty, but he’s not fighting anymore. He doesn’t bother mirroring the gesture. He can guess without looking. “He old,” Geno eventually decrees. 

Interview with the Vampire

The Vampire Eric

E | 4k | falsescience (@theburialofstrawberries) Eric Bogosian/Jam Reiderson, Jam Reiderson

Oh ho, Eric thinks to himself, and then, aloud, because it’s just too delicious, and wouldn’t Rolin be ashamed, and a little pissed: “Oh ho!” He feels zapped alive: young, powerful, god-like. Jacob starts giggling immediately. “Did you just say ‘oh ho’?” “Or maybe aspen. What do you think, Eric?” “Not a damn clue,” says Eric, with a broad grin. “You look very satisfied. He looks very satisfied, doesn’t he?” Jacob smiles at Sam over his hitched shoulder. “Hm,” says Sam. “I think we play it safe, and go with red maple.” Yeah, Eric is certain: Jacob and Sam aren’t fucking. But they’d like to be.

First of all, I am RPF’ing these people real hard in some private chats. But largely, I like the characterization happening here, and the little turn of understanding that happens in the last third of the fic. 

reformation

E | 44k | verseau (@downstairsbar) Lestat/Louis

we're gonna heal. we're gonna start again. you've brought the orchestra, synchronized swimmers. // It makes him speechless sometimes, how much he loves Lestat. He thought for years, a decade, that it was sickness. It’s not. It’s not. Even when Louis hated Lestat, nothing was more certain than that he loved him.

There’s some great, great plotting and characterization here but/also I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve read a fic and known immediately that the author is Black. That’s obviously not a requirement of the fic I write but it's nice to have Southern Black characters really sound like people I’ve known/grown up around etc. 

let’s keep this off the record

E | 1.4k | anonymous

Louis/Santiago (sort of)

There would be no second chances for the Englishman, no opportunity for him to crawl out of some dump and seek revenge. Louis would make sure of that.

Honestly, I think it's great that fandom has a long and storied history of skullfucking. I think it's fun that weird shit like that still happens around here.

Maman

T | 2k | anonymous Claudia/Madeline, Louis/Lestat

Madeleine meets in the in-laws. Particularly one of them.

transpires

M-E | 5.8k total | familiar (@bigvampo or @camilliar? sekrit you've got so many blogs) Louis/Lestat

I mean, sekrit is just a fucking stellar writer. sekrit’s got a way of telling so much —  about a character, their mental state, the world their in —  in just a few razor sharp details. also these fics are so funny and the characterizations of Louis and Lestat feel like natural progressions from what we’ve seen in canon both in how much they love each other and how terrible they are (to each other and in general)

Harry Potter

Right. I think I’ve always been pretty upfront about my continued reading of Harry Potter fanfiction, but in case it's somehow necessary to say, please do not come to my inbox talking about JK Rowling. I don’t think about that woman and I’m very clear about what she thinks about me. 

Those Three Curses

E | 6k total | @dodgerkedavra Draco/Harry

Obviously I had a bit of a fucking dodgerkedavra moment here, but these blew me away. So much story telling in such little space. 

Former Things Come to Mind

E | 64k | dodgerkedavra

Harry Potter has had a headache for seven and a half years.

In the Presence of My Enemy E | 41k | dodgerkedavra Draco/Harry

All Harry knows is that Sectumsempra is for enemies. He doesn’t know that it will bind him to Draco Malfoy, for better or worse, ‘til death do them part.

Tiny Home

E | 30k | @wolfpants Draco/Harry/Ron

Harry and Ron left the Aurors years ago to travel the world and make up for lost time. When they finally decide to settle roots back in England, together, building a tiny home in the Lake District by hand seems like the perfect plan. What they don't realise is that Draco Malfoy already lives on the plot of land that they choose to build on. A story about years of feelings, about weaving lives in and around each other, and about finding a place safe enough to call home.

I really feel like there’s been an explosion of excellent Draco/Harry/Ron all of a sudden. One of my qualms with a lot of polyship fics is that it's very uhhh “we must do everything together” and I really love that this fic breaks that down and allows everyone to have histories and experiences together as dyads and all together. 

In Our Blood

E | 37k | secretsalex Draco/Harry

Draco is an accomplished pure-blood curse breaker, and Harry is tasked with accompanying him on his latest job—cleaning up the Van Boer mansion, which has been under a devastating fertility curse for seven generations.

I’m not even going to bullshit y’all. This fic reminded me why I love mpreg. Excellent use of body horror, body dread, suspense, all these things. Also, an mpreg fic that remembers abortion is a thing. Amazing!

Probationary Action

E | 63k | @toomuchplor Draco/Harry

As part of the terms of the probationary contract, DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY shall submit for inspection his WAND on the last day of every month, such inspection to be carried out by a duly registered and fully qualified AUROR in the employ of the MINISTRY OF MAGIC, and such inspection to include a PRIORI INCANTATEM spell to ensure that no PROHIBITED MAGICS as heretofore described have been practised by the aforementioned probationer.

I’ve been obsessed with toomuchplor since Inception and this fic reminded me why. I don’t love Auror!Harry fic (truly, just so much unchecked, delighted writing about police brutality) but I do like any fic where Harry starts to wake up to the fact that maybe just because they’re “the good guys”, not every choice made by the Aurors/Wizarding Gov’t in general is right. Also, I appreciate the expansion on the idea of sex charms!

Embers

E | 41k | @shiftylinguini Draco/Harry

Werewolf Alphas aren't meant to be alone, or to suppress their ruts indefinitely like Draco has been since he was bitten eight years ago. He needs company, companionship, to knot ― he needs an Omega Heat Companion. At least, that’s what the Healers say, and even Draco can admit contacting the person they’ve referred him to might be nice. Of course it turns out to be bloody Potter.

idk man, I like a fic that treats sex work like it's just a job. Worthy of respect, full of technical expertise, etc. 

--

Both of these next fics came from @hd-wireless which has been, pound for pound, one of the best fests I've ever witness and is a testament to how important having multiple fic fests in a fandom can be! so much good shit to read!

The most he’s ever said

E | 16k | anonymous Draco/Harry

It takes them twenty years.

Two Houses

E | 11k | anonymous Draco/Harry

Two households, both alike in... meddling Floo connections, apparently? Draco Malfoy is a highly professional and well-respected Ministry official, with a demanding schedule, a loving son, and—through no fault of his own—a faulty Floo connection that keeps regurgitating the Minister for Magic through his fireplace.

I really enjoy that there's been more of a trend of writing about these two as older people and fleshing out the characterization of their kids.

[according2thelore]

ohhhhh man now you’ve got me brooding over es!sam. it never occurred to me before that among them, he would end up feeling always the square peg in a round hole. the pride and resilience and hope he carried like medals in the first seasons gave him a sense of value and esteem, and i can’t imagine how it feels to be thrown into this inevitability where none of himself remains and in fact the bits he tries to hold onto are an irritant to the quid pro quo in a way nobody will outright honestly explain to him. rather than saving himself and his brother and the world like he thought he would at the end of it all, everywhere he looks is just another form of loss. ls!boys would lap up his es brother, the eager (and adorably naive) hunter with ideas and brawn and something to prove, so much of the same flowing through the blood of all 3 of them, but imagine the grief es!sam feels walking through the cold echoing hallways of the bunker, everything just a nauseating maelstrom of weapons and lore books and charts, no john, no mary, no jess, no wives and no children, no living friends, no presence or interest in the world he always dreamed to blend into, and nobody at his side to truly understand or feel that grief with him. and on top of that the things he feels about dean, complex and ugly and heavy to hold, have somehow been tugged out of him into the open in the future and locked behind a door he has no key to and even touching the knob burns his hand - the derision/amusement of the ls!bros even if they don’t intend it as such, the constant knowing smiles like he isn’t THEM like they don’t know how it feels and how much it suffocates him ohhhh man look what you’ve done to my poor heart with these snippets

YES!!!! ANON!!! YOU GET IT!!!!

first off, your writing is gorgeous?? holy shit?? eating all of your words they are in my mouth now i am sorry

but YES

he would def feel like the odd man out (depending on the season ES!Sam is from) because the other three love the life. they find joy and purpose and meaning in the hunt in a way sam lost. the hunt is a tool. a means to an end.

i think it wouldn't take long for LS!Sam to see the bunker, with the dozens of empty rooms--the shell of a home, only echoes and blades and the collected sum total of knowledge of people long-dead--and ask the group, "is this fucking it?"

no one knows what he's talking about (ES!Dean is so excited because he gets a kickass bunker AND a garage AND an armory AND sammy forever??), but sam is shaking because there are shirts folded in some of the empty rooms' dressers. dead men who thought they'd come back, a physical reminder of every goddamn person they've lost in the endless quest for vengeance. everything sam left for.

"is this all i fucking get?" ES!Sam snaps. "an underground crypt? no wife. no kids. no job. no fucking friends? did the hunt really fucking bury us?"

and everyone goes deadly fucking silent. LS!Dean has to leave the room because it's everything he'd always feared LS!Sam thinks. sam has always needed others more than dean does (or at least, that's what dean thinks, we literally see contradictory evidence in the show but okay). LS!Dean's afraid that sam has always resented him for the way their lives ended up, for dragging sam down with him.

and ES!Dean is crushed because this is his dream. he gets to save lives. he gets to carry dad's legacy. he gets to keep sam, all the unnecessary fluff--a mission to keep them together, girls, obligations--removed. and sam is disgusted by it.

LS!Sam just stares at ES!Sam blankly. he's annoyed with him, before something smaller, something pitying, slips into the shape of his mouth. he gets up to follow LS!Dean, leaving ES!Sam to wallow in his own sick. in this moment, Sam can't even empathize with himself.

and ES!Sam is sitting in the blast radius of his own fury. no one will look him in the eye. LS!Dean looks sick before he leaves the table. no one will answer his questions. no one even tries.

LS!Sam keeps trying to say, "this is what i want, sam. i don't mind. i love what i do, and i love doing it with dean." and all sam can hear is i gave up. i couldn't get out. i'm coping. don't destroy this glass house with a hammer because it's the only home i have left.

and ES!Sam still aches. because ES!Dean is already choosing another sam. LS!Dean looks at him like he has the power to kill him. LS!Sam looks at him like he pities him, which is the deepest cut of all.

poor sam. poor sam who doesn't want to die for this. poor sam who doesn't get us, who isn't us.

LS!Dean, ironically enough, is the closest ES!Sam gets to compassion, but it always feels like blows directed at himself. yeah. it sucks, kid. it fucking blows. i wanted you to get a wife. to get out. i...i tried. i'm sorry. it's more self-recrimination than care.

but GOD! ES!Sam goes for a run and sprints until he throws up because he sees the packed strength of LS!Dean's arms, the crow's feet at the corners of his eyes. he sees the easy way LS!Sam&Dean laugh with each other, the way they talk with looks alone, the naked adoration. he sees ES!Dean and aches and aches and aches and aches and aches. he needs something he doesn't have the words for, something he's terrified to name, because does that mean that he's giving up? does that mean that he's the fucked up one--perverting this easy life that they all clearly adore?

and even the joy he finds--talking with LS!Dean in the kitchen, sparring with ES!Dean in the gym, enthusing with LS!Sam over texts--there are moments. small ones. where sam realizes that the person talking to him kind of stops, content. he's already part of this system, of this unit. sometimes the pauses feel patronizing. or excited. or so full of tension that sam is already hardening in his jeans. or sad. and it's confusing, but sam is walking down the empty hallways, passing rooms of dead men and seeking out his brother, always his brother, always.

GRAH!!! lonely ES!Sam. bitter ES!Sam. joyful ES!Sam. jealous ES!Sam. possessive ES!Sam. ES!Sam choking on the things he doesn't understand--the things he can't--that have made their lives the way they are.

thank you for this ask, anon! it was beautifully written! and now i am also thinking about this! perpetual motion machine of devouring ES!Sam whole!

-lizzy

[lopez-richter-fangirl]

It’s been such a treat to talk about the shows WITH people I was there with that I just realised I haven’t shared anything about the actual show last night here!

Sam Cochrane was the understudy who posted about Joey going to see his Fringe show and he did an excellent job! He hadn’t had as much time with the script as Brendan had (but truly even with the few extra days Brendan had it’s insane how flawlessly he learned that track) but it being a comedy show meant there was a lot of grace for when things went a little wrong. Joey had to grab a prop for him or guide him into place once or twice, the famous everyone else scene had a very funny moment of “wait, what voice am I doing?”, and everyone was very supportive whether he hit or missed the sound cues

I’ve also loved the fourth wall breaks in the show, Lauren saying “don’t fucking clap for that” when Gabe got way too personal with the fake Camille boobs and she was right to, Gabe was feeling extra wild this show. He also ate some of the bread from the sandwich after which Joey covered it with the tank top but Gabe tried to go back for more

Lauren almost forgot to sing “made my brain just jizz” and laughed at herself because bby girl was not going out without a goof. It was like she got to the final number and already checked herself out for the evening and I respect that so much. Very grateful I was able to see her

And at the end Joey’s been saying his little “if you liked it we’re tincanbros if you didn’t we’re therealteamstarkid” and asking people to buy merch so they don’t have to take it all back but last night (even though they were running over) he asked people to say their social media handles and Lauren was like “what?? We’ve never done this before!!” as if he were asking her to do math live on stage or something instead she’s the cutest

Loved seeing this show so so so much I love them all

[heyheymarrymearchie]

now that i've had the chance to rewatch sunflowers, here we go:

my s3e6 commentary

(aka my thoughts about the new episode, in chronological order, with no other context)

keeley’s pink fur coat is a MAJOR slay (the whole outfit is, really)

higgins had me SHRIEKING the way he just walks away after saying he's going to the red light district with no explanation

KEELEY! HOT DATE ALERT! I LOVE YOU

live laugh love :) so true sam :)

dani suggesting naps I LOVE HIM

HIGGINS AGAIN

ok but the fact that the intro isn’t until 7 minutes into the episode—

JAMIE’S CARTWHEEL

bald guy kinda hot tbh

DETECTIVE BUMBERCATCH

dani and his tulip!!!!

trent sitting in the fruitiest way possible

him suggesting a museum tour is so me

the little girl’s room is so cute

THE MOOVEH

the whole don’t do drugs speech, immediately cut to beard saying lets do drugs

BUMBERCATCH CHECKING THE VOTES BECAUSE ISAAC CAN’T COUNT

himbo dani writing in spanish

sam being so real

TRENT’S LEOPARD PRINT SHOE CATCHING THE DOOR KILLED ME ON THE SPOT

when bald guy said rebecca was bleeding and then pointed downward, WHY was my first thought that she had gotten her period

i’m truly a sucker for characters that don’t have names

jamie joking about how much of a prick he used to be! growth!

colin being so nervous when he gets there I WANT TO GIVE HIM A HUG

please trent, as much as i love your flair for the dramatic, in what world did it seem like a good idea to sneak up behind colin at a gay bar?? i love you but WHAT

REBECCA WITH HER HAIR DOWN LOOKS SO PRETTY! AND THAT DRESS!

rebecca being so cute

i love that not one but TWO adult characters on the show canonically couldn’t ride a bike

the scene where jamie is teaching roy how to ride a bike might be the greatest thing to ever grace my tv screen, i cannot stop smiling

this higgins/will friendship is so cute

trent gay confirmed had me SCREAMING

trent’s little nose scrunch when they cheers!!!!!! ugh!!!! i love him!!!!

colin’s monologue has me feeling too many emotions

“i don’t want to be a spokesperson” what if i cried and sobbed.

ted looking at the sunflowers, and showing all the van gogh paintings, oh god oh i’m feeling things

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGG

my poor jamie i’m so sorry, don’t worry i’ll go beat your dad with a rope at 4 am <3

high but-not-actually-high ted is so funny

BACK TO PRETTY REBECCA WITH HER HAIR DOWN YESSSS she’s gotta wear her hair down more often

gezellig :,)

ted learning about triangles I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING, IT FELT LIKE A VIDEO I WOULD’VE WATCHED IN MATH CLASS AS A KID (what’s that disney one?)

THE WHOLE MONTAGE WHILE HIGGINS IS PLAYING— i cannot even begin to express how much i love it

trent you can’t dance but it’s ok i love you so much

(and i love seeing him casual and just wearing a t shirt AAAAH)

himbos in crop tops himbos in crop tops himbos in crop tops himbos in-

THE VANILLA VODKA

ew not the foot massage

will talking to his mom on the phone hehehehehe

ROY AND JAMIE ROLLING UP ON THE BIKE TOGETHER AAAAAAHAHAAAAAA

rebecca singing again :,) nature is healing

colin squeezing trent’s shoulder while singing everything is gonna be alright, and then trent’s adorable smile????? i’m crying

all in all, this is definitely my new favorite episode. i laughed, i cried, i saw jamie do a cartwheel. it was perfect. so much love. <3

[skippyangel16]

My final post…

The Waypoint when ‘it’ was given life and perhaps they lost their way for good?

Three’s a Crowd…and it always appears there’s three in this ‘public marriage’. 2018…when they ALL took on their roles!

Whilst they could be contractually obliged to deny their relationship, no one could make them do what they have done.

They gave it life and it continues to grow…

We’re doing it now people, action!

The ‘directors’ direct…

Sam has his prompt, Cait guides Tony…oops nearly walks past🤣

Oh we’re doing this now, let’s make it look convincing…

#awkward 🫣

Tony has had a makeover ….Sam takes it all in… looks like he’s about to 🤮

👇What it could have looked like if authentic 🤪

Below👇Cait is talking. Sam replies ‘right, okay?’

Cait speaks again whilst giving him a reassuring arm rub 🥰 the love in that arm rub speaks volumes!

Sam asks (appears to say) ‘Do you get all this shite?’ eyes immediately looking at….🧐 whatever she replied his smile says it all. They are both happy together despite the shit show. Happy to deceive?

Let’s not ever forget just how staged this is!

How anyone can’t see the performance 🎭 is beyond me? Pure Hollywood…

Since then they have both actively supported the narrative more and more each year so whilst you can feel sorry for them back in 2016 (when they appeared to be pressured to go underground)today it’s harder. With every performance they do they make it more unlikely that they will come out anytime soon. His book reiterated Cait is the only woman but it also brought the brother/sister relationship to the fore again🤮. I’m afraid that’s pretty much made my mind up there’s no imminent plan to come clean. He has cemented his single commitment free life in black and white, any u turn on that now revealing a totally different version with his ‘perhaps sister’ would have a huge backlash from those who part with 💰 for his products. Alas although his alcohol business is growing it’s likely he is more reliant on fan sales than he would like to be. Maybe one day it won’t be so but perhaps single Sam will be around until the scales tip the other way?🤷‍♀️

There is no denying they actively manipulate all sides of the fandom…ours included, but the fact remains our side is basically them just being themselves and most of the time it just happens naturally! IMO 🤪

But it’s not all innocent …

Some wise words from Jamie.

When you have to sell your part truth…can’t imagine the stress and damage to your soul!

He (allegedly)is a good man leading a fake life and when you can’t have your truth, it will destroy you. Can you be a good man if you deliberately deceive, lie and manipulate?

Can you really feel 💯 % proud of it?

Someone recently said on one of my posts they have ended up with the ‘cover up’ book and will think twice about what they buy in the future. That’s a fair comment.

When I look at this card I have an overwhelming urge to add IT to his SH.

The shit show lives on…😢 I just wish they would stop feeding it!

Keep your secrets but tell us no lies…

Alas I am all done here, the book has shown a lost man. If anyone needs to pick a lane it’s Sam, he’s trying to be everything to everyone, so who looks crazy? Single Sam will never be convincing when all he talks about is his married co star and when in her presence looks at her as if she is the only woman on earth.

Lies are poison, a sure path to self destruction. I don’t wish to watch that happen or anymore cycles of this shit show. They are actually abusing their fans by doing this imo. Excuses will always be made for whatever Sam does by thousands here, his god like persona and charm are like a spell that keeps us all engaged. His ability to come out of everything smelling like roses is truly amazing. He knows exactly what he’s doing and what he will get away with. Denying his family as his truth ✅ yep seems there’s nothing he can’t or won’t do and yes fans have already excused him. JMHO.

Everyone will continue to make excuses for him until you can’t, my tipping point is him denying his family in his memoirs. Call it artistic license if it makes you happy, or blame the ghost writer, but I wouldn’t want to put that out into the universe.🤮

Sold it as His truth…totally supporting the narrative, nothing good about that.

I knew once I reached the point that I believe they are totally complicit in their fan manipulation for their own gain I would leave. They may not have started out that way or intended to reach the level they are at now but that’s how toxic Hollywood works. ‘It’ has become their normal. They are their own jailers and complicit in their own narrative imo. It’s their life and their choice on how they want to play/live it. I choose not to watch it any further. Sam has shown his true colours in this book, no one to hide behind. Who is Sam Heughan? Well con artist springs to my mind at this point in time but that’s JMHO. I no longer like what I see so therefore I just don’t care anymore. I still believe they are together but there is no joy in watching this farce, there are no winners here.

I came here for a love story but all I see is a public tragedy on display and a private tragedy waiting to happen as their lies engulf them…I hope they find their moral compass and follow it again soon. What could have been their best years have now gone by. No doubt they will one day cash in on their Hollywood love story, may even star in it as themselves…but that’s some way off imo. They are as free as they want to be, the only one that actually needs freeing is Tony but maybe he’s happy and got a job for life?

His book is my waypoint out of here. I can finally see them for who they really are, as I don’t wish to blog negatively I’m freeing myself of their lies and manipulation. They only have themselves to blame for what the fans believe here whatever side your on. It’s an ugly, sick game and a total turn off… it’s not good for anyones mental health!

Officially signing off from blogging S&C but I wish them nothing but happiness.

To everyone here thanks for making me welcome and all the discussions!

Wishing you all good health and happiness!

😘

Over and Out…

[readyforthegarden]

Silver Springs - Part Three

Masterlist

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x Original Female Character

Synopsis: The year was 1976, the season was summer. The days were hot and the nights were hotter. Music was the best it had ever been, especially rock music. Sam Kiszka has been riding the high of being in one of the top bands on the scene, but when his bands tour is accompanied by another up-and-coming band, with a lead singer that gets on his very last nerve, will everything come crashing down or will they end up making music that changes the world?

Warnings: Smoking, drinking, drug use 18+ only, Minors DNI

WC: 1951

🎶 🎶 🎶

Sam was wrong. He was so, so wrong. Harlow only became more grating on his nerves as the days went by. She sang constantly, as she walked down the halls of the venue, from soundcheck, in the bathroom, hearing her through the door as he passed it by. If she wasn’t singing, she was humming. The worst fact of the matter was Josh was enamored by her, constantly bringing her in to listen to something, to harmonize with him, warm up with him. Sam was surrounded by Harlow entirely.

He watched from the side stage in Jackson, Wyoming as Josh and Harlow sat cross-legged in the middle of the stage, hands held up, palms facing each other but just a few small millimeters from touching. They both had their eyes closed, lazy, lit smiles on their faces while they hummed in unison.

“Your aura is so strong, Josh.” Harlow said, her tone of voice in slight awe.  “Your pulsing with energy, I can practically see the colors with my eyes closed.”

“Tell me,” Josh murmured, a smile tugging his lips up at the corner. “What colors am I?”

“Oh you’re a vibrant orange.” Harlow replied, grinning, eyes still closed. “Exuding out all around you, and then closer to your body, yellow.”

“I like that, it sounds groovy.” Josh chuckled. “I don’t know if I can see yours.”

“That’s okay,” Harlow bumped Josh’s knee with her own in the small space between them. “I’ve had mine read before, and I’ve been told it’s usually a shade of purple or more indigo.”

“What do the colors mean?” Josh asked, opening his eyes. Harlow followed suit, yet they kept their hands up in front of them.

“Well, everyone interprets them slightly differently,” she explained. “But orange is usually someone who is very happy, happy to be themselves and be where they are and who they’re with, and loves to love. You make friends quickly. Yellow is a general playful spirit, balanced and incredibly smart.”

“Ooh, yeah I like my aura.” Josh laughed. “What about yours?”

“Indigo and purples can represent a connection to a higher self, being able to ‘see’ others for who they truly are. Which I fully believe because I’ve been able to tell when someone has been lying to me quite a few times, I’ve become very intuitive as I’ve learned about everything.” 

“You don’t get to be where you are as a woman in this industry by being dumb, that’s for sure.” Josh smiled at Harlow, and she returned it.  

“I wish more people could see that.” Josh watched as her smile faltered slightly, her hands slowly falling to her lap, breaking their energy connection. 

“They will,” Josh assured her, reaching his hand out and cupping her chin. “You’re a star of your own right, Harlow, much like your namesake.”

“You caught that, huh?”

“Harlow and the Blue Jean Babies?” Josh smirked. “My mother still talks about Jean Harlow and Bombshell. It’s one of her favorite movies.”

“She was something, wasn’t she?” Harlow blinked.

“And you are too.” Josh replied, shaking her head back and forth slightly with a chuckle. He leaned in, lowering his voice as if he was sharing a secret. “You’re gonna be huge, baby.”

“Don’t I know it.” Harlow whispered back, giggling.

Sam felt something tighten in his chest as he watched his eldest brother lean in towards the object of his annoyance, his hand already on her face to hold her in place. Of course his brother would fall for her shit, all that free-spirit nonsense. He would make his move only a week and a half into the tour.

Sam plugged in his bass to the amplifier, plucking the strings and letting the notes thump all too loudly through the speaker, jolting Josh and Harlow apart. He watched her back as Josh stood up, offering her his hands and tugging her up too before she gave him a small wave and moved to leave the stage as Danny and Jake entered. As she passed Sam, leaving behind a trail of her perfume, notes of lavender, patchouli and jasmine floating over to him and causing him to lock eyes with her. Her eyes glimmered as she smiled at him, and Sam merely frowned harder, the lingering image of his brother leaning in to her flashing again in his mind.

“Break a leg tonight, Sam.” Sam only gave her a terse nod to her as he tuned his bass up for the show.

🎶 🎶 🎶

“Party on our bus tonight, boys!” Josh grinned as he strutted into the green room after the show, rubbing his hands together before going to the rider table and picking up the bottles of booze, tucking them under his arms and heading out, not even bothering to change out of his jumpsuit. Sam sighed, hearing Josh making sure to invite Harlow and the Blue Jean Babies.

“Aww, what, you’re gonna be a party pooper?” Jake teased as he changed, using a towel to wipe the sweat from his body.

“I’m just tired.” Sam mumbled, whipping off his jacket. “I just want to get into my bunk and go to bed.”

“Tough luck, rockstar.” Jake laughed, flicking his little brothers arm. “You chose the lifestyle, you gotta stay up all night and party with us.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sam pushed Jake away, and continued to change, keeping his grumblings to himself in his head. 

As soon as the busses pulled out of the venue, the party was on, Jake, never tired, was already playing a spare acoustic he had stowed away on the bus, enjoying being in control of the music that everyone sang along to. Heady smoke filled the bus and Sam had to admit, he was feeling a bit better, even with Harlow singing a few feet away from him.

He stood next to Billy in the tight space, both of them being on-lookers as Danny gently spun Harlow around to the music, taking the small joint from her lips and placing it in his. 

“This is wild, man,” Billy muttered, taking a sip of his beer as he watched on. Sam quirked an eyebrow at the guitarists admission.

“This is one of the most tame parties I think we’ve ever had.” Sam chuckled. Billy shook his head.

“Not the party…well yes, the party, but the fact I’m here. We’re here.” he shook his head.  “I never would’ve thought it would happen.”

“Life works out like that,” Sam shrugged. 

“Not life.” Billy shook his head. “Her.” he used the hand holding his beer to gesture towards Harlow.

“I’m sure you could have made it here without her.” Sam scoffed, barely hiding his sour feelings. Billy just shook his head and smiled.

“I’ve known that girl since we were in diapers.” Billy sighed wistfully. “I’ve never met anyone else with the determination and drive to do something like she has. We always dabbled in music together, we really thought we were gonna be the next Peter, Paul and Mary, just missing the Peter.” 

“And then you found one, and then a drummer.” Sam chuckled. 

“Yeah, she went into the city one weekend, and came back and was so fiercely determined to make this band happen. My dad almost killed us, running up the electricity bill and making all that noise. But she started going out and booking us shows. Dive bars, legion halls, anywhere that would take us. And somehow within a few months, something clicked and we started booking clubs, and bigger shows, and then you and your brother came into our lives and suddenly we’re on a giant tour with one of the biggest rock bands the world has ever seen.”

Sam sipped his beer again, selfishly thinking to himself that the trajectory of their careers were double because of him, for putting Harlow in her place when she was still just Brandy Lawson, and second for letting them come on the tour. 

“It’s just really incredible.” Sam nodded, smiling at Billy as the smell of jasmine and lavender hit his senses, now mixed with the smell of tobacco and marijuana. Harlow was standing in front of them, slipping the lukewarm beer from Billy’s hand and taking a large swig of it.

“All the dancing and smoke has me thirsty.” she laughed, she turned to Sam. “What are you wallflowers talking about?”

“You, of course,” Billy smirked. Harlow gave him a wicked smirk back before darting her eyes to Sam.

“Me? Well it was all good, I hope.” Billy reached out, taking Harlow’s hand and twirled her around. 

“Just about how determined you were to make it with the band.” Sam regarded her once she was stationary again. Her eyes lit up, the drive that led them all the way to where they were now sparking through the haze in the air. He had hoped the quip regarding her passion would make it feel more like desperation, and embarrass her slightly, but the only glow on her cheeks was from the blush she had worn on stage and the alcohol she had consumed.

“When I want something, I get it.” Harlow replied.

“Is that so?” Sam challenged, raising his eyebrows. The pair stared at one another, a silent conversation existing between them for a few moments before Harlow turned and walked back over to his brothers, joining in on another song.

“She’s not lying.” Billy sighed.  “I’ve never seen anyone say no to that girl. Hell, she could sell salt to the ocean.” Sam watched as Harlow took a drink that Josh offered her, the two of them clinking the rims of their plastic cups together before taking sips. He felt a small pang in his stomach as he watched Josh place a hand on her back, nearly feeling sick that his brother would choose to start something with this woman who only seemed keen on getting to the top. 

Sam finished off his beer before reentering the party, taking the now roach-sized joint out of the corner of Jake’s mouth and taking a long, deep drag from it. Holding the smoke in his lungs for as long as he could, he slowly let out the stream out of his mouth. His eyes lazily gazed around the small area of the bus, and and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched Danny take over on the guitar for a bit, giving Jake a small reprieve to grab a beer of his own and slowing down the pace.

“Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train,” Danny began singing softly, earning some hollers of excitement at the Joplin tune. It only took a few more lines before everyone else’s voices joined his, even Sam’s.

“When I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans

Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained

And rode us all the way into New Orleans

I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandana

I's playin' soft while Bobby sang the blues

Windshield wipers slappin' time, I's holdin' Bobby's hand in mine

We sang every song that driver knew”  

There was a new air of levity in the entire bus as everyone sat together, singing and swaying. Sam caught Harlow, her arm slung around Billy’s shoulders as they sang, sharing his empty beer bottle as a microphone.

“Freedom is just another word for nothin' left to lose

Nothin', don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no-no

And feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues

You know feelin' good was good enough for me

Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee”

And maybe feeling good was going to be good enough for Sam Kiszka, at least on this tour.

🎶 🎶 🎶

Taglist: @joshsindigostreak @ascendingtostardust @sammysprincess @sammykiszkamyass @belovedsamuel @sunfl0wer-power @indigo-starcatcher @sammyscherub @earthlysorrows @lvnterninthenight @allieisacrybaby @losfacedevil @xserenax-13 @sarakay-gvf @shutupdevvie @myownparadise96 @watchingovergvff @gretavanfleetposts @sacredthefran @josiee-gvf @joshkiszkatoothgap @madneedshelp @gardensgatedaisy @demonrat444 @writingcold @dannyandthekiszkas @lightmylove-gvf @tearsofbri @paleshadow-ofadragon @happy-harpy-stuff @like-a-woman-in-a-dream @starshine-wagner @objectsinspvce @josh-iamyour-mama @mountain-in-springtime @cal-a-bungaa @capturethechaos @jankandjonch @gvfpal

@allybjt @hippievanfleet @weightofbrokenbells @joshkiszkasbadussy @malany-gvf @ruby0antlers @samofthedawn @sacredjake @aim4thedoublee @diditallforyouu @gvfmarge @highladyofasgard @sammysvanfeet@gold-mines-melting @earthgrlsreasy @mountain-in-springtime @forcebond301 @stardust-and-shadows @llightmyllovee @gretavangroupie @comesofarsomehow @starcatcherkiszka @indigofallingsky @hellowgoodbye

[askstevella]

When did you know? // STEVELLA & SAMBUCKY Blurb 💍

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Uh hi, Steve, I need to talk to you about something..in private. You got time?”

“For you? Yeah, I’ll squeeze you in between laundry and building stuff in the basement.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“Where and when?”

“In an hour, at your old house in Brooklyn.”

An hour later, both Brooklyn boys arrived inside the living room as Bucky closed the door behind him. Steve raised an eyebrow taking off his coat containing his concerns for his friend.

After a moment he asked, “Alright, what is it?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing important, well it’s very important..oh I used to be so good at this stuff.” He asked, sitting down on the couch running his fingers across his hair before asking, “Uh, when did you know it was the right decision to marry Ella?”

“Wait what? Bucky are you serious?”

“Just answer the question please.”

“You dragged me here to listen to a sappy story why I love my wife? Okay fine..I guess, I wanted Elle to be the last person I see when I go to sleep, and the first one when I wake up. And I wanted the whole world to know that she is mine. Why are you asking me this?”

“Because you’re my best friend and one of the only superhero power couples or whatever is the press is calling it now. I wanted to know what it meant for us oddballs, who can’t exactly have a normal married life. I need to know what the risk would be saying the, uh I dos.”

At that Steve raised an eyebrow, “Uh risks? Buck, yes, there are risks in every aspect of a relationship even before marriage. But punching bad guys in our free time doesn’t mean we can’t have a normal life..I didn’t expect to find my place when I thawed out of the ice. Now, I have Stella, and I am the happiest I have ever been. It is worth to take risks with the person you love. It’s an added bonus when you get to save them or come back home to find them on the couch waiting for you.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s—that’s fair.” Bucky replied with a chuckle before continuing, “I don’t see it as much as a risk. I don’t want anything like that to happen if I do take the plunge. And I know, that’s not possible when being a superhero. So how did you really know you could do it?”

“I didn’t Buck. I just want to do it.”

“You weren’t nervous about it?”

“Terrified. I was terrified of messing up, I was that way in the very beginning of my relationship as well. But I did it. I felt like it would be a good thing.”

“Geez, why did I ask the guy who doesn’t use a parachute for advice on marriage stuff. You’re no help Steve.” He laughs before standing up and pacing nervously, “So you’re saying, I should just go for and ask Sam?”

That’s when it started to make sense for him. Yeah, sure, Steve had his high suspicions about that being the reason behind this trip but he didn’t want to assume or give his friend the wrong impression about the situation.

“You want to truly propose to Sam?” He asked trying to hide his excitement but his lips turned into a smile.

“Who else would I be proposing to, stupid?” He added stopped pacing around and chuckling, “Me and Sam have been together for a while now. So how do I know when to ask or even if I should ask?”

“Like I said, do it when you feel like it’s right. Hmm, do you have a ring? Or anything in mind?”

“Nope. I have no idea yet. I just need an opinion on this whole thing. How did you propose to her?”

Steve grinned briefly bitting his nails for a moment remembering his attempts at a proposal to Stella. He told Bucky it took him two times to get it right. He was going to propose to her one morning in bed with the ring and everything when Fury called everyone in for a mission, so right in the middle of battle, he panicked before leaping out of a window as he saw Stella on the ground and ready asked her. It was a freak accident that caused Stella to rethink her decision about her life.

Natasha stopped Steve before he said anything stupid like popping the question, as the idea was brought back into his head after the attack in New York that weekend. He remembers in the medical wing, Stella asked if he would ever consider marriage and going to the courthouse to get married that weekend, he said yes to the idea of being her husband. But rejected her proposal because he had plans of his own, at least he knew she wanted to marry him.

The next week after the battle, Steve took over the position of planning a simple dinner at his old house in Brooklyn as they ate in the kitchen, dressed in comfortable yet elegant clothes and planned on watching a movie with their friends later on. The two of them alone, no doubt in their minds about friends or relatives ruining their night. So in the end of dinner, Steve proposed by pushing the ring across the table and waiting for her answer. She was in complete surprise as she said yes.

However the night was cut short due to an accident downtown in Manhattan.

Bucky chuckled imagining how sweet yet humorous it must’ve gotten. He smiled softly, “Sounds like a wild two weeks.”

“It was like the universe didn’t want me to enjoy my time with her to propose.” He admitted returning the smile, “Anyways, that’s how I did. You don’t have to plan anything out or even think outside the box. Whatever feels comfortable enough for you guys.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you already live together and raise two beautiful kids. You don’t need to marry each other until you feel absolutely ready for it. It took me a long time to figure out my feelings for Stella to understand how to ask her out.”

“Now it’s all good?”

“Oh yeah. We’re pretty good.”

That whole talk made Bucky feel better about his decision to marry Sam because he knew at the end of the day they loved one another and that’s all that matters.

—-💍———

Sooo what do we think?

Tags: @missstrawbs2001 @purpleprincessonfyre @meiramel @gcthvile @rickb-chaos @gaminggirlsstuff @wizzzardofoz @cherrysft @thechoooooosenone @luna-d-marsh @rooster-84 @sherloquestea and etc

[peachdues]

Hi Peach!

I have been trying to spend less time on Tumblr right now but I got some very bad family news and decided to treat myself to your blog and I’m really cheered up!

That teaser you posted and the fact we are getting a super emotional reunion✨second time✨ in TGW as well as a ✨first time✨ before we get to the aftermath of Tengen’s spicy lessons. Thank you for the meal

‘You’ve no idea, while I was gone I thought endlessly of you’ - I’m sorry it’s so emotional I won’t be able to take it I love him so much 😭

This may be spoiler territory (if it is tell me to shooosh) but will we see any of Giyuu’s POV thinking about reader in the infinity castle? 👀👀

AND NETHERWOOD Sanemi j*rking off and you saying we will be mad at him, reader about to leave him to go to a new village my heart is breaking, Peach you are such an awesome write - I’m still having fun trying to decipher your teaser images btw.

I was wondering between Kanae and Reader did Nemi have other girlfriends in between as he is super experienced with women

I know your inbox is sky high and even if you just see this message, I’ve seen that you’re struggling with your depression a lot recently, I hope you’re doing alright and taking time for yourself, doing what makes you happy and what helps clear your mind ❤️

-🫧🫧

(PS died when you mentioned Seelie Kyojuro as I am from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿)

MY BELOVED BUBBLE ANON!!

Hello my love!! I adore seeing you in my inbox, always!

I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time right now. I really hope you’re able to take some time and get some rest and indulge in a bit of self care. I’m sending you lots of hugs, and since you’re in Scotland, some tea as well. I’m partial to crumpets so if you like them, I how you get to eat them however you like them! (I’m a slather it in butter girl myself)

As for TGW — hehehehehe I’m so glad you enjoyed the teaser!! TGW has been a lot of fun to write (even if I have to stop and research some new historical fact every two seconds). Sam said it reads more like a romance story (a smutty one ofc) and that makes me happy since that’s relatively new territory to me.

As for a Giyuu Infinity Castle POV — as of right now, I don’t have plans for one! There is a brief POV from him in a flashback from the night of his and Reader’s ✨first time✨ that will appear in Part II. The first time scene occurs during the Hashira training arc/right before infinity castle begins, so you will see a certain sun breather trying to get Giyuu to train with him as he makes his way toward the shrine to see his girl and pop her cherry

As for Netherwood…

😈😈😈

I will say, I know I have y’all stressed but many of you all commented on the strength of Sanemi and Reader’s love in Part III — just remember that! And remember how hard they both fought to get back to one another. That matters!

Regarding whether Sanemi had any “girlfriends” between Kanae and Reader — I’m not so sure he did. One, because he was pretty isolated in the Wood at his cabin, guiding strangers. Two, I think his “experience” is probably less than you’re thinking — he might not have been a virgin but he also wasn’t a sex god by any means. Reader has no experience prior to Sanemi, so I imagine she’s a bit biased when it comes to him — it probably seems like he’s much more experienced than she is by comparison. I think he knows enough about the mechanics and then just goes by pure instinct.

I’ve joked with a couple of mutuals that were she to talk to Kotoha she’d probably be like “what do you MEAN it’s not normal for your partner to have a knot?? How else does he keep all that cum insane??”

Thank you for the kind message, my friend!! I love when you all pop in and ask questions about the fics or even share your reactions. It truly makes my day. And thank you for checking in! Depression has been a bitch lately but I’m focusing on trying to make it MY bitch.

Please take care of yourself! I’m sending love and light your way.

PS — my head refers to you as my “Bublé” anon — like Michael Bublé.

🤍🤍🤍

[curiousmagpie]

I, personally, am a big fan of the idea that Danny is actually really smart, it’s just that school doesn’t work with him. Whether that be because of constant ghost attacks, him playing down his intelligence, ADHD problems, etc., it doesn’t matter.

I like most stuff where Danny is a tech genius, or where he’s essentially a ghost culture expert with several notebooks on the topic, or a historian nerd, or *something*. I like all of those, but there’s one that I really, really love that I don’t think I’ve properly seen anywhere. It’s hard to explain so I’m gonna give an example that’s been stuck in my head.

One night, a mere few weeks after the accident, Danny’s laying in his bed, still debating if he’s human or not anymore, still trying to figure out exactly what’s happened to him. Due to the pestering of Sam and Tucker, he knows his heart rate is in the 30’s, well below what’s needed for adequate oxygen perfusion, his internal temperature is 33 degrees Celsius, where he should be suffering from hypothermia, although his skin appears to be warmer for some reason. Point is, Danny is wondering how deep his changes go, and he decides to test his DNA. Additionally, Danny being a truly brilliant dumbass, decides to test his parents DNA as well, doing a basic paternity test, which he does get:

Danny scowled as he looked at the clock above the doorway. He should be able to get the necessary equipment and materials from the lab, but there was one thing missing if he wanted this to be a proper test, which was technically in the lab but would be out of reach for the next two days if he didn’t get it now.

Bouncing on his toes, shaking himself a bit, Danny took a deep breath as he shoved his nervousness down and put on his best, ‘just doing my job ma’am’ face.

“Hey mom?” Danny called down the stairs, taking deliberately heavy footsteps.

“Yes honey?” Maddie said, voice echoing slightly up the stairwell. This was it, this was the moment of truth! Please don’t question it.

“Can I have a few vials of yours and dads blood?” He said, now standing at the doorway to the lab.

Maddie paused in her soldering work, head pulling up and staring straight forward for a moment. And then her head turned towards Danny with the most bewildered face he had ever seen on her.

“What?” Shit, she questioned it! Quick, random bullshit go!

“Uhhh, school said they wanted us to do a paternit- I mean uh, an ancestral dna test? You know, to introduce us to how evolution works?” That’s the best you can come up with?! Does that even make sense? Note to self, figure out if that makes sense.

While Danny was distracting himself with questions on if his made up excuse even fit together with his syllabus, or if DNA tests were even a good way to demonstrate evolution, Maddie thankfully understood exactly what he was talking about (She understood nothing).

“Oh, why didn’t you say so honey!” She said, standing up and spinning to face her son, “Why, I remember when I first started wondering if I was adopted!”

What.

“Oh, I tired everything to get blood samples directly from the source,” She said, giving Danny a hug, “They could have been putting samples of my real parent’s hair in the hairbrushes after all. Jazz went through a similar phase too, though she did look oddly disappointed about the results.” She was silent for a moment after that, tilting her head and letting Danny stew in baffled thought.

After two seconds too much of introspection, Maddie gave her son one last squeeze and peck on the cheek, before she sprang up and over to a strangely bare part of lab wall.

Pressing a button and flicking a hidden switch or two, a number panel came out of the wall. Maddie called out over her shoulder as quickly typed in a ridiculously number of digits in.

“Now, which sample do you want?” She said, snapping Danny out of his trance as a seam appeared and frigid air hissed out between the gaps.

“What?” Danny said, still processing, not quite understanding what she meant by that.

“Which blood sample do you want? For that ‘school project’ of yours.” She said, fingers catching on a ridge and pulling it open to reveal two levels full of vials, one labeled Maddie and the other labeled Jack, with dates and times on each vial.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Okay, I might have gotten carried away there. Man, I really need to write more often, that was coming so easily!

Anyway, with the blood samples, he waits until his parents and Jazz are gone and collects own blood sample, following all the correct procedures that he searched up, although ignoring the ones that don’t apply to him because he’s not taking someone else’s blood. He also searched up how DNA tests work and decided to do some extra testing, such as centrifuges, which come up weird due to parts of his blood going intangible which results in his plasma not fully separating, no matter how much he spins it.

Anyway, using the materials from the lab and a basic understanding of how a dna test works, he creates a homemade dna tester.

(You can skip this if you want, it’s unimportant but I’m just going over how electrophoresis dna testers work. (Which is what Danny is doing here))

Essentially, everyone gets half their chromosomes from their parents. There’s stuff that alter the chromosomes you get, like chromosomes crossing over and exchanging bits and pieces, but that isn’t to important here. The basic is, you have half your moms dna, and half your dads dna. Now, something important to note, is that chromosomes all come in varying sizes, you can see this just by searching it up, an X chromosome is much bigger than a Y chromosome, which is on the 23rd chromosomal pair, and say, chromosome pair 1 can be bigger than chromosome pair 9. There’s a lot of variation however, I’d recommend looking at an image for an idea what I’m talking about. Regardless, this size thing is important for how paternity tests work. Essentially, they get a sample that has dna in it, remove everything except that dna and a solution of water or something (i dunno) to keep it in, and then they get this gel thing and put the sample on one side of it and do something called electrophoresis, where an electric current goes through the stuff, and the dna move towards the positive electrode. Basically, this gel has a sort of fibre mesh through out it, and smaller dna chromosomes move towards the positive electrode faster than the larger ones. This means that they get separated really effectively, forming obvious lines. In two tests done this way on different people, a few lines will get the same distance in the same amount of time, but not all of them. Now, if those two people had a child, and then had the same test done, then the results would look like the child just saw the lines of the previous two and just picked and choose randomly, because all of Danny’s results should match up with either his moms, or his dads.

(Dna test explanation ends here, you can relax)

Now, while danny does this, Maddie’s and Jack’s fin normal, and then he does his own. And the previously mentioned problem occurs, in that some of his dna goes intangible, which ruins his results and makes a complete mess of the entire thing, and now he knows the accident has changed his very dna (which we know from the tv show intro!), and that his very essence has been changed. Now he’s left wondering if he can even be regarded as human or ghost anymore, because ghosts don’t have dna, but he does? And his dna is different now, would it even match the normal human genome? Is he less human than monkeys are now? He needs to do more tests to find out…

Alright, now we’re past the example. What was the thing that stuck out about Danny here? Was it that he doesn’t plan the most basic of shit out? Was it his parents keeping preserved samples of their own blood? Or was it the fact that Danny researched, figured out how to, and then built his own DNA tester from scratch? I’d say all three options personally, but the topic of this one is the last option.

Danny was being crazy smart there. He had a problem, figured a solution, went about getting the materials in the stupidest possible way, absorbed knowledge, did separate tests to satisfy his curiosity, and solved his problem. Although now he has new ones.

I might be able to do something similar if I had, like, three weeks to do it or something, but Danny was easily able to think of equivalents that he could find in the lab, or at least things that are close enough that he could substitute them, and he did it quickly and easily, in like, a day. That’s really really smart to me.

All together, this, this right here, is the kind of intelligence I really like being written about. Intelligence that is shown, not told.

Wow this got away from me. Whoops.

[write-it-good-imagines]

Nothing More(M) - Five

Hello everyone!! Long time no see, indeed! I must say I hit writer's block these days but in no way did I abandon this story. Even more so now, when I am so eager to continue. This chapter will bring you spicy surprises and turning points ^^. Enjoy!

~6k words, angst, smut

I want to make you forget about that ex. In truth, I loved the idea of you overthinking all your texts. And I wanted all your neighbors to hear you yell when we have sex. I don’t want it to be a problem when we come together. And I don’t want us a secret.

Jackson plopped down on Mark’s couch, still carrying a serious look of disbelief on his face. “Look, I agree but Bambam literally said what we all thought. Collectively.”

Mark rolled his eyes at Jackson’s remark. He was searching for another song in his playlist to play on his vintage stereo system.

“I think we were more shocked to meet her like that,” Jinyoung continued, leaning against an empty small table in the living room. “Showing up at our studio.”

“And in that motorcycle jacket? Take my money. Did you know she had a bike?” Jackson put a hand dramatically over his chest.

Mark nodded. “Yeah, saw it first time I went to her house.”

“Living the dream. Hottest date, to ride the bikes together around town.”

“Could you stop fantasizing on my behalf?” Mark chuckled in Jackson’s direction and the latter laughed at the note. Mark then turned to Jinyoung, who was cocking an eyebrow. “I had no idea she would come to the studio, believe me. I wanted you to meet her under different circumstances.”

Jinyoung crossed his arms over his chest, a playful look in his eye. “You never told us why you came so early from your date.”

“Yeah, cause it wasn’t a date.” Mark commented and the other two men almost simultaneously turned to him. “Had the surprise to see her with another man.”

The playful look disappeared from Jinyoung’s expression. “You’d have to elaborate on that.”

“I can’t really elaborate, I didn’t stay around enough to see what happened next.” Mark shrugged his shoulders. “The guy had her backed against the lockers, a hand holding her cheek. It was not the first time he… they did that. It was the reason Sam came to the studio.”

“To explain.” Jinyoung completed, albeit not in agreement with the situation. “And what’s your take on that?”

Truth was, Mark did not have an exact answer to Jinyoung’s inquiry. Sure, the scenery of Samantha being present in the proximity of another man displeased and hurt Mark. He built some expectations for the two of them, carried away by their unquestionable synergy, and by the trust exuded by Samantha at every small dare or challenge presented by Mark. He believed in her words, and more than anything he believed in her. Mark believed in Samantha when she said she missed him, when she confided in him, when she said there would not be another guy. So, he put in the effort to carry himself in such a manner that would make Samantha desire him even more. At some point, Mark considered trying to have the talk with her, to play with his cards on the table, to build trust in them as more than just an arrangement.

At the very end, Samantha never promised anything, she never drew the line. Mark did not have it in him to throw the bouquet of the flowers he handpicked in the trash. But he was not indifferent to the image of her subjugated by the intimacy of another that was not him.

“I’ll hear her out.” Mark said lastly, seating himself by Jackson on the couch. A short quirk of the eyebrows as Jinyoung opted to simply nod his head.

“If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Jackson chuckled. “If you wanted us to actually believe you, you should have used your acting skills at least.”

“Why? Not that convincing?”

Mark agreed with Jackson. “We’ve known each other 12 years. It takes so much more than that.”

The three of them laughed. Truly, a bond that not many people get to have in a lifetime. And Mark knew Jinyoung, as much as everyone else, was looking out for him.

“If you have something to say, just say it.”

Jinyoung sighed and threw his hands in the air. “Look, I know, a good-looking, bike-riding, smart surgeon woman, who has a mysterious aura about herself. I’d be a hypocrite to say I wouldn’t get interested.”

“You know what he’s gonna say.” Jackson extended an arm over the backrest of the couch.

“All I’m saying is that, given the circumstances, I wouldn’t be happy at all. If a guy touched or held the girl I liked like that.”

All eyes were focused on Mark.

“But why don’t you talk to her and set the record straight? I’m all for explaining,” Jackson shifted his body to face Mark, “but if you told her, you liked her beyond just the sex, at least you’d know it’s either this or that.”

Jinyoung moved his hands in a gesture that indicated he agreed with Jackson. And Mark agreed with them, too. In any given situation, he would be the type of man to express his wishes and voice his wants and needs. Mark did not necessarily like the chasing. Within his chest, he knew why he was still playing the game and why he did not walk away the second he saw Samantha with the stranger man who was playing with his mind. Regardless, Mark let the little evil elves whispering in his ear take the reins of reasoning. The bell of the front door started ringing vigorously.

“It’s complicated.” Mark rose from the couch. “It’s also Samantha at the door,” said he, half-doubtful he spoke the words to convince himself it truly was her at the door. When he opened it, he actually made sure of it.

Samantha looked very different since the morning visit to the studio. The commanding behavior softened to a natural feminine aura, the sun-kissed freckles no longer hidden behind foundation accompanied by the mellow smile she had the day they met, everything stunned Mark.

Samantha felt very different.

“Hey, beautiful.” Mark welcomed Samantha with an observation he’d hoped was as visible to her as much as it was to him. Mark was distracted by the lively bark of Murphy, eagerly anticipating a welcome as warm as his mother’s. So, he obliged, the smile sketched on his face growing as he knelt to ruffle Murphy’s fur.

Samantha followed Mark’s carefree movements with warmth coloring her features. She didn’t know what to expect from him; all that she hoped was that Mark wouldn’t look at her with repulsion. Instead, Samantha was met by the same jovial Mark she’d met the very first time. And it scared Samantha that Mark felt very different since morning, all the same.

Did he care, still?

“Hey, yourself.” Samantha replied and watched as he straightened his body to meet her eyes. How much did she wish that that would’ve been their reunion, that he’d plant a kiss on her lips and circle his arms around her frame in a longing embrace. Suddenly, Mark felt so far apart.

“Come in.”

Mark pushed the door open and guided Samantha into the living room. She noticed two very familiar silhouettes, Jackson as he was putting his leather vest on, and Jinyoung as he was gathering his things. Murphy’s little woofs distracted the two men into looking at the source of sound, smiling at the little creature. Eyes speedily travelled to Samantha’s physique, and both greeted her with a smile. Perhaps Jackson’s more expressive. He was the first one to formally introduce himself. There was a lively song playing in the background.

“I’m Jackson, nice to meet you, finally.”

Samantha prevented her eyes from widening. Maybe Mark did speak about her. She took Jackson’s hand and shook it, enjoying his amiability.

“Likewise, Jackson. I truly hope you didn’t think I was a freak or anything.” Samantha offered a smile of her own eliciting a chuckle from the other. She caught Jinyoung in the corner of her eye as he examined her. Not blatantly, yet not covertly either. Samantha wondered what they both thought about her.

“Far from that,” Jinyoung chimed in, giving his own hand for a greeting, “but you definitely incited the collective curiosity.”

Samantha took the invitation, meeting Jinyoung halfway. Out of everyone, she figured he was the toughest to impress. And on good merit, nonetheless. “I wouldn’t say about myself that I’m an open book but please know I’m more than happy to clear the curiosities.”

The corner of Jinyoung’s lips lifted in a modest smirk. “Maybe I’ll heed the invitation.”

Jackson cleared his throat and Jinyoung pulled back. “Don’t worry about us, we were just leaving.”

“No bother at all. I wouldn’t want us to be so formal, it was very nice meeting you both.” Samantha extended her hands to offer the two men a warm wave and a small dip of her head. Jackson and Jinyoung both did the same, the last action they made prior to heading out the door. “Likewise, Samantha”.

Mark’s loud sigh doubled the echo of the closing door which caused Samantha to fiddle with her fingers. “I must have made a terrible impression, haven’t I? They definitely think I’m a freak.”

“Nope, no freak,” Mark turned around to walk toward Samantha’s direction. As he was approaching, he was unzipping his hoodie. “They just don’t know you. Actually, Jackson was quite smitten with you, I could swear he’d want to steal you for himself.”

It was the first time Mark had openly spoken about his members, even more so about anything that had to do with their opinion about her. Mark’s words were not reassuring enough for Samantha as eyes were still focused on her nervous fingers. She didn’t know what to make of the entire situation. “Jinyoung doesn’t like me.”

Mark grabbed at the hem of his T-shirt to throw it over his head. A bracelet at his wrist was tangling loosely when he guided Samantha’s chin to make her look at him. “Out of all of us, Jinyoung is the one who doesn’t play games when it comes to people. You have to make him trust you before he lets you in."

The initial nervousness Samantha felt while fidgeting with her fingers transformed into butterflies into her stomach. Although the main emotion she was feeling was uneasiness, at his words, and at his sudden naked torso. She had but a moment to watch the muscles of his abdomen contract and relax with the movement of the arm which was holding her frozen in place. Henry’s most similar gesture crossed her mind. “Do you play the game, Mark?”

Mark’s irises were fixated on hers. The tone of his voice softened and lowered with each spoken word, until it became little more than a whisper. A question for a question. “Are we playing the game, Sam?”

Samantha’s lips parted with a sigh, the knot in her stomach tightening. There was no hint to suggest that Mark was not serious with his inquiry. She knew the answer to his question, but the words were frozen like they weren’t hers to speak. While Mark was looking at her, with the stoicism of his body and the seriousness of his eyes, Samantha presented herself agonizingly transparent.

“Wasn’t this the way he was holding you?” taunted Mark, drawing closer to her in an even voice. His other hand found the clothed valley of her hips. “Did you want him to kiss you?”

“No.” Samantha stated, an ounce of desperation evading beyond her control. The infinitesimal distance Mark was keeping between them was slowly driving her crazy. And he knew he held all control. “At no point did I want him to kiss me.”

Silence followed. A harrowing silence growing heavier with each movement of Mark’s brown orbs drawing back and forth on her features. Samantha grabbed Mark by the chest. “Say something goddammit!” she urged.

Mark pulled Samantha into him and slammed his lips against hers. In the background, a sexual melody mix broke into the stereo system. Samantha wobbled on her feet, which caused Mark to tighten his grasp around her figure. The background music melted with the swift ringing in her ears and the tips of her fingers turned cold from the unanticipated contact. Mark’s kiss was raw and hurried, yet obscenely sensual. Samantha’s lungs were deflating quickly, and Mark did not seem too eager to let her breathe. It was the first time he initiated such a kiss. His lips had always worked against hers with tenderness, at times enticing, but never so ardently carnal.

It was a possessive kiss and Mark wanted Samantha to feel it.

Mark pushed their bodies into the couch, and he slid his knee in between her thighs. During the brief moment their lips were separated, Samantha gasped for air, which was rather a sharp moan with Mark settling above her, and his clothed knee tormenting her womanhood. “Mark, I can’t breathe.”

“I couldn’t breathe either when he was towering over you, Samantha.” His visage was wearing the same chilling expression, albeit a sliver of distress hiding behind it. “I imagined him doing all sorts of things to you, with you. Fuck.”

Mark tilted his head to the side, a canine digging into the plush of his lower lip. Samantha’s eyes were watching him intensely. She was devoid of any courage to speak a word. Never would she have imagined she would see Mark like that. Not for her.

“I missed you girl, I missed you. And I…” You’re all I fucking think about.

Samantha gulped. She was observing Mark’s every gesture, every little shift in his facial expression, every word he was speaking. All the feelings in her chest were strangers and Mark was tempting and enchanting. He was everything Samantha wanted him to be. Even when he suppressed his thoughts, Mark was everything Samantha wanted. And he was there, in her immediate grasp.

You’re all I ever thought about.

“Kiss me, Mark.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Mark lowered his body instantly to connect the kiss in a lustful motion. His tongue lost no time to part Samantha’s lips and find her own into a frenzied tango. As his hands slid down to play with the hem of her t-shirt, so did the ever-growing feelings for the woman he was holding. The blood in his veins was pulsating with apparent unrequited affection, and it set him ablaze.

Mark broke the kiss in a nimble motion to undress Samantha of her shirt, to reveal her braless breasts. The tantalizing sight aroused Mark like it did the first time. For him, sex with Samantha felt like it was the first time every time. There was always something new he’d discover in the voluptuousness of her body, in the way her body would curve differently with each heated touch of his hand. Mark licked his lips and undid her shorts.

“Mark…” Samantha mewled, the cold breeze circling her breasts provoked a shudder. She edged her breasts as her eyes darted back and forth between Mark’s hands and the growing bulge in his jeans. Samantha was struggling to form coherent thoughts when he was immorally commanding the pace. She didn’t fight the vulgar lust invading her core. It was easier giving in to the euphoria than acknowledging the truth.

Easier than voicing that Mark should be the one.

“Tell me, darling.” There was a wicked inflection in Mark’s tone, busy with undressing Samantha of her shorts and underwear all at once. “What do you want?”

If it was any other moment, Samantha would have said it was his love she wanted. Still, a hue of shyness colored her rosy cheeks. “I want you, Mark.”

Mark was happy to obey, even if he was convinced Samantha was not speaking seriously. She wanted his body, while he desired her soul. In the heat of the moment, for the short time they’d spend as one, Mark heard what he needed to. That she wanted him, and she’d choose him. He lowered his body to plant kisses through the valley between her breasts, the butterfly pecks eliciting sultry moans out of Samantha’s throat. When his lips passed her chest’s threshold, Mark continued the delicious trail to her abdomen, one hand encircling Samantha’s breast. The other was keeping her thigh from squirming.

Samantha closed her eyes and threw her head into the soft material of the couch to indulge in the intense eroticism Mark was injecting into her body. When his sinful mouth reached her womanhood, Mark chuckled. Then he continued to leave kisses on her inner thigh, deliberately ignoring the wetness of her cavern. Samantha was vexed by Mark’s actions, and she groaned in protest. The hand previously on her breast travelled to her hip to intertwine with her fingers. Mark acknowledged her objection by nibbling a violet spot into her thigh. He traced it with the free index, shifting his body to worship Samantha’s other thigh with blissful movements of the tongue. The little perverted sounds she was making were truly driving Mark to impatience.

The way Samantha’s body was submitting to his febrile touches indicated that she wasn’t that far away either.

Mark pulled away momentarily to unzip his jeans and dispose of them on the floor. The rupture of their connected hands forced Samantha to dig her fingers into the plush of the sofa. The heat in her genitals was much more intense than she anticipated it would be. The simple fact that Mark retreated from tending to her pelvis made her moan loudly, and her vagina clench. Samantha watched him as he undressed himself to reveal his throbbing shaft, and she bit her lip in anticipation. Mark smirked at her and climbed atop her to seat himself between her legs. As he was leaning down to reach her level, the tip of his cock rimmed against soaked clit.

Mark linked their foreheads together, supporting himself with one arm by the side of her head. His other hand rested at the cusp of her jaw. He angled himself at her saturated entrance and slid the tip of his penis inside her. A guttural moan echoed in the air.

“We never did it like this, so tell me if it hurts.” Spoke Mark in a gentle tone and opened his eyes to observe Samantha. She gently shook her head and her fingers stretched into Mark’s shoulder blades to guide his body in a slow thrust. He let out a groan from the depth of his throat, feeling the creamy walls of her vagina enclosing around his shaft. Mark gave her a moment to adapt to his size, gazing intently at her. Samantha was so beautiful, with flushed cheeks and her splendid naked body, all of her offered to him.

Mark felt his heart ache.

“How can you say I’m not making love to you when I’m touching you like this?”

Samantha’s eyelids closed and fluttered open with Mark’s affirmation. The coherent words she tried to form were dispelled instantly when he started moving inside her with controlled thrusts, each forward move taunting her sweet spot. Samantha opened her mouth only to allow the moans to flood the air. And Mark was watching every contraction of her body and indulging in each pulsation of her pussy.

He leaned down to nip at the lobe of her ear. “When you’re giving yourself to me like this?”

“Mark…” Samantha reached to his face to lead the hazel of his eyes to hers. In his eyes she found the same commanding yearning but propelled by a raw sincerity that Mark had not given to her. Everything he was doing gave her a sense of serenity, fueled by the abnormally erotic movements of his hips. In a matter of minutes, she surrendered to him and to the zealous whines her lungs were making.

“What is it, baby?” He picked up the speed of his thrusts, heeding the contractions in Samantha’s womanhood. “You’re close, I know. What I didn’t know is how wet you could get.”

Samantha intended to avert her bashful expression, but Mark’s touch kept her focused on him. “Don’t hide. Let me take care of you.”

Amidst the whorl of sentiments and thoughts racing through her mind, Samantha found an anchor in Mark. She registered all the words he’d spoken to her and all the shielded gestures, and bare confessions. Samantha was powerless to respond, instead. There never was a man in her life to bear his heart on his sleeve, even half of how Mark was bearing his. In her normality, he was an abnormality. And still, he made good of his words and actions and took care of her.

Samantha relaxed in his embrace and extended her body to plant a kiss on his lips. A mellow kiss which Mark reciprocated so naturally that life halted for a second.

Then Mark enveloped Samantha as her body abruptly contracted. She held on to him as she reached for nirvana, her vocal cords enchanting Mark with lascivious breaths repeatedly. Hearing Samantha succumb to ecstasy was the sweetest testament Mark could receive. The hot blood in his veins met the point of boiling as he was getting closer to climax. A couple more lustful thrusts accompanied by roaring groans, each growing faster than the other, brought Mark as close to the edge as he could get. He guided himself out of Samantha’s core to reach his orgasm and paint her abdomen with his white cream.

Samantha enjoyed that particular view of Mark, so much that it was his turn to show a timid smile. It took a little while for Samantha to follow what happened, and when she did, both of them chuckled at each other.

“I’ll get some paper towels.”

“You’ll find me here.”

Samantha’s ears followed the sound of Mark’s steps and the muffled grunt that followed soon after. He returned with a handful of paper towels, and Samantha couldn’t look away from his still hard penis.

Mark took one cloth to clean his canvas half-heartedly. “Round two?”

Samantha giggled. “I’ll have to refuse. Round one was unexpectedly intense.”

“You have no idea how sexy you are.”

Samantha felt her cheek darken once more. She was watching silently as Mark was wiping her abdomen. When he was done, he walked away to throw the used napkins.

“Are you okay? You’re unusually quiet.” Mark’s voice reverberated through the kitchen.

“I’m alright, just a bit tired.” She responded, and Mark immediately walked back to her. He knelt down with her back facing her, gesturing for her to hop on his back.

“Let’s get to bed.”

Samantha hummed and attached herself to Mark’s body. She had never noticed how broad his back was, under the hoodies and oversized shirts he was usually wearing. Mark effortlessly rose from the ground and carried her to the nearby bedroom. He carefully seated Samantha on the edge of his neat bed, and she smiled to herself at the considerable number of pillows residing there. In front of the bed there was a small dressing which Mark opened to retrieve one clean shirt and a pair of shorts for himself.

“I don’t want you to get cold. Here, arms up.” Mark whispered, and Samantha complied with his actions. The dark shirt Mark had given her was large enough to reach her knees. He tossed the thin summery blanket away and helped Samantha up into the nook of his bed.

“Thank you, Mark. You’re so protective of me.” She smiled softly and happily accepted the invitation to encompass herself into Mark’s arms.

 He raised an eyebrow, even though she couldn’t see. “You don’t want me to be?”

“I do,” she answered quickly and laced their hands together. “I like this a lot.”

Mark tilted his head to follow the lazy sunset shimmer through the window. The loose hand he folded under his head served as a good excuse to avoid looking Samantha in the eye. As easy as it had been to drown in her orbs while laying together, just as hard it was to do so while returning to reality. Samantha noticed the atypical silence. With the aphrodisiac sensations fading away, all the words that Mark spoke to her started to click. Samantha was drawing absentmindedly on Mark’s forearm with the tip of her index, trying to reproduce the memory of each phrase. The subtle agony of I couldn’t breathe either when he was towering over you, Samantha, the slight panic in the I imagined him doing all sorts of things to you, with you.

The melancholy in the How can you say I’m not making love to you when I’m touching you like this? which made Samantha’s heart tremble was the seed of hope planted in her soul. If there was any source of truth to say that Mark truly harbored feeling for her, it was not tangible anymore.

Mark, once again, felt so different.

 “What are you thinking about, Mark?” Samantha looked up at him just in time to see how breathtaking the warm colors of the sunset appeared on his features.

He was silent for a while. “About you.”

Samantha furrowed her eyebrows. “What about me? I’m right here.”

A little sigh. “Nothing… it’s just I’m leaving tomorrow, and we won’t see each other a while again.”

“I know…” Samantha’s voice trailed off in sadness. “I don’t want you to go.”

Mark gave a little squeeze to her hand, eyes still watching the first moments of dusk adorning the sky. “That’s not under my control, unfortunately.”

 “I don’t want you to go out of my life, Mark.”

Samantha could swear the vein in Mark’s wrist strained at her words. Still, his expression remained impassable. After a couple moments spent in unmerciful silence, he continued. “Do you think about us? About what we could be?”

The palm of her hand was starting to sweat. Easy answer? Yes, I cannot devote myself to anything that’s not you. True answer? Do you want to take my broken heart? Samantha sensed that she was running out of time, and in hindsight, she should have known that earlier. A man like Mark who had the world at the tips of his fingers, who could have anyone he wished for, wouldn’t say the things he said to any woman that easily. All of it meant something, it should have meant something. It was everything Samantha clung to, for it to mean something. She had to make a decision.

“Forget I asked. You don’t need to say anything.”

“He hit me, Mark.”

The music formerly playing in the background silence of the living room stopped altogether. Mark’s phone must have died, and so did his concentration at Samantha’s sudden confession. His head jerked back to her direction in an impulse to check if she was hurt, even if there was no earthly possibility for her body to be in physical pain at that moment.

Samantha’s mouth was dry, and it shocked her to see Mark’s immediate reaction. She didn’t lose him, he was still there with her. “He hit me after he killed a mother and her unborn child in the operating room.”

“How are we doing there, mrs. Dalton? Can you say something for me?”

Henry’s deft motions of his nimble hands kept raising the standards for a second-year resident. The attendings in the observing room were watching the awake brain surgery with great interest, as was the then-director of the hospital.

“Oh, I can’t wait for this to be done,” the woman rubbed her hand lovingly on her pregnant belly. “Sandra should know the adventures mommy went through.”

“Status on the baby, Doctor Stoss?”

Up until the question was addressed to her, Samantha did not unpeel her eyes from the fetal monitor. “Like a Swiss watch.”

“Keep saying the good news, Doctor Stoss. I’m sure mama Dalton would love to hear that more often.”

“Oh Doctor Carter, I’m sure you were born such a charmer.”

Samantha’s vision was fixated on the handle of the dressing door. She was explaining her memories as if she was living them again. “This surgery had half the hospital watching. It was a procedure previously not done in that medical center, and Henry had had the privilege to participate in one once when we were interns in Toronto. He’s thinking of himself as the hotshot, as he should. His skill and knowledge are top-notch. But they failed him.”

“Doctor Stoss over there can attest to me being a charmer. Or not.” Henry chuckled under his surgical mask, and he quickly stole a glance at Samantha, before focusing on the region of the tumor which he had just reached. “We’re here, mama. Shouldn’t take too long to take it out.”

Mrs. Dalton’s vitals spiked up a level and Samantha observed the nerves on her face. She left her intern in charge of the fetal monitor and approached the woman to reassure her. “It’s going to be okay. We’re here for both you and your little girl.”

Just as Samantha was returning to her previous post, henry was actively preparing to remove the tumor located in a tricky area of mrs. Dalton’s brain. “I’m in.”

The collective audience in the gallery leaned forward to witness Henry’s work. At that point, the loud beeping of the machines pierced the operating room with alarming sounds.

“Doctor Carter, baby’s vitals are starting to drop.”

“What do you mean? What’s going on with my baby?”

“Please try to remain calm, Mrs. Dalton. These reactions happen naturally when a tumor body is being extracted. Once I take this out, everything will get back to normal—”

“Only it didn’t.” Samantha’s fingers curled unconsciously as if reaching out for a scalpel. “I was repeatedly telling him I needed to do a C-Section to save the girl and put her in NICU. At seven months old, she had all the odds of surviving. If only we moved fast enough…”

The distressing sounds of the monitors multiplied when the woman lost consciousness. Her vitals became hectic graphics on the monitors, and Henry visibly stiffened.

“Henry, we are losing this baby. I need to perform the emergency C-Section now.”

“No. I’ll save them both, wait.”

While Henry was applying the standard emergency measures, Samantha’s attention was distracted by the uneasiness of the spectator gallery. She briefly noticed Jonathan, with a looming look on his face that any surgeon regardless of their specialty would understand. The unborn baby was losing its vitals.

“Henry, I’ll move forward. Scalpel, please!”

“I told you to wait! Doctor Stoss, I need you to follow the protocol of my OR.”

“I guess indeed it was his surgery. But those were not his lives to take.”

Half-heartedly, Samantha hesitated to start the neonatal protocol. While Henry had authority, he did not have a positive chance to save both lives. When the fetal monitor fell flat, Samantha went against his instructions and cut into the mother’s belly.

“By the time we took out the little girl, her heart had already stopped beating. We did all the resuscitation maneuvers we knew and could…” Samantha let out a sigh, and Mark pulled her tighter into him. “All hell broke loose. I don’t know when Jonathan got to the OR, but he was there for all of it.”

“Time of death…” Samantha’s discouraged voice echoed throughout the macabre silence of the operating room. “Six thirty-one.” Two paces away, resuscitation maneuvers were still going for the woman on the table. When Henry realized there was no use for them anymore, he stepped away from the body, prompting everyone else to follow his example. “Time of death, six thirty-five.”

Nobody in the room dared move a finger. Two casualties in an operating room which, on paper, could have been avoided. It was a medical disaster. Samantha pulled down her surgical mask, to try and take hold of the situation. “We’ll need to go outside and inform the father—”

“You let her die.”

All eyes fell on Henry. Samantha couldn’t believe her ears. “Excuse me?”

“That baby could have been saved.”

Henry’s voice grew louder, more assertive. Samantha stood her ground, deliberately choosing to ignore Henry’s last comment. “I understand this must be a difficult situation for you, Doctor Carter, but in no way am I to blame.”

“That baby could have been saved!”

As his voice grew into a striking holler, Samantha no longer recognized the man in front of her. She was searching for the proficient doctor, for the partner that he was. And for the lover that he used to be.

“Henry,” Samantha kept calm even though her head was spinning in disbelief “you told me to follow your protocol in your OR—"

 At that point, Samantha could not register what had just happened. Henry raised his hand at her and slapped her on the cheek. There was a shared gasp among the people in the room who refused to understand Henry’s tameless reaction. By the time Samantha tilted her head back to look at Henry, Jonathan had stepped up to punch him in the face.

Mark raised an eyebrow. Although he got off to a rocky start with Jonathan, his respect for him grew substantially.

“A couple of guys had to restrain Jonathan because clearly that wouldn’t have been the last punch he would’ve thrown. After that, I went to inform the father of his… losses. Henry was not allowed to accompany me. The father sued the hospital for malpractice, and I have no idea how they settled. I only saw Henry once, after that. They summoned all the medical operating staff to testify. He never looked me in the eye, not once. I wanted to believe that he was sorry, something to make me believe our relationship was not a lie. I never got closure for that.”

Mark waited patiently for Samantha to continue. When she did not, he placed a chaste kiss on the crown of her head. “Did you need that? Closure?”

She sighed. “I guess I did. When you think you have something of that magnitude with someone, only for it to fall apart in the most gruesome way, I needed some sort of a life raft. Truth is, we started falling apart even before he hit me. Henry was starting to become distant and full of himself. But I never expected him to be violent.”

Mark noticed the flake of regret in her voice, to briefly wonder how things are settled in the vast Universe. Hadn’t Henry done that, Mark wouldn’t have gotten to fall in love with her. Life was funny, that way.

Samantha sighed, once again, yet more out of liberation. Albeit painful, she truly needed to convey the feelings out loud for them to become less repressive. Maybe to disappear.

“Can you understand now, Mark? Why he was able to hold me down at all? Why it is tough for me to trust someone again?”

Mark’s lungs filled with air. “Even me?”

Samantha closed her eyes. He did not need to spell it out loud for her to understand what he meant. “I just need a little more time, Mark.”

Indeed, he never expected to hear anything different, it still did not mean it hurt less. On the one hand, because Samantha still didn’t see him fit to be trustworthy, and on the other hand because he seemingly was giving more than she was ready to receive.

“Should I keep my distance then?” his voice was flat, too much so that he must have given away he was disappointed, because Samantha tightened their holding hands.

“No.” She answered timidly, looking up at him for the first time in a long while. Mark’s eyes were diverted to the emerging summer night. He was slipping away through her fingers, once more.

“I don’t know if I can give you both ways.” Not when I know I'll never treat you the way he did.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

[wigglebox]

this is another reason why i don’t think Jack is Jack TM and that i am still on my Chuck Won bullshit 

This lovely gifset. 

another major part of the Chuck Won theory for me is that Cas specifically was used as a barometer of truth in season 15. 

Because he’s the only one who can really exist outside of the narrative, and virtually untouchable in that case, when he was around it was easier to discern the truth about things and served as what was “Real.” Remember the line from 15x02 in that room where he’s trying to talk Dean out of that existential crisis he’s having, about what’s real, and that they are. 

In one of those ‘real’ instances, is when Cas can tell that Jack is Jack. 

There were three times in season 15 where Cas was needed to confirm if Jack was Jack. 

15x01, he confirmed it was not Jack but in fact a Demon possessing Jack’s body. 

15x11, he confirmed it was Jack after he came back from The Empty. 

15x19.... he wasn’t there to determine that Jack was still Jack after he absorbed Chuck’s powers. 

And I found that significant. 

In my head there is a conspiracy that Chuck and The Empty were working together at this. And part of that is this game of chess that Chuck set up where he wipes out the pieces on the board that pose a threat to him:

Dean, Sam, Billie, Jack, Amara, and Cas. 

Have The Empty make a deal with Billie, a fake deal, to get Jack ready to contain Chuck when in actuality it was to make it so Jack could become a vessel for Chuck bc he’s the only one who could do that. 

Billie and Dean already had an antagonistic relationship so it wouldn’t take much poking and prodding to get Billie to go after Dean in her attempt to stablize things, losing herself a little bit in the process. 

By having her go after Dean, Chuck can trigger Cas’ deal with The Empty. 

And if Cas is off the board, then so is the ONLY litmus test to truly know if Jack is Jack or not. 

And so by also not having Cas in 1x13 of The Winchesters, you can’t tell if that Jack is really OUR Jack or if it’s... Chuck. 

And given the reference to that Kansas song, and these looks, idk — feels like it really isn’t OUR Jack and is in fact a continuation of ‘Is Chuck possessing Jack?’ 

[sincerelylea]

"Hell's Comin With Me" by Poor Mans Poison + one of the boys - author's pick :3

hola. i love this. straight up had a blast with this prompt.

this is very canon-compliant i'd say. i follow the episodes to a T nearly, sorry if you don't like that. i just had this idea and i couldn't shake it.

tw: heavy angst, graphic blood mentions, codependancy kinda, some spicy themes for a moment but it's brief.

this will include post hell dean and demon dean. also 4.7 k word count.

truly enjoy it.

dean winchester. i am the devil you forgot.

he came back without so much as a chip off his shoulder. hungry, thirsty, prepared for the reality of facing his family to see what they’d become since his time apart. looking into his face again felt like holy oil was poured down your back and set alight; a part of you knew you’d see him again, by some grace of god or what have you. yet when he knocked on that motel room door and he stood before sam, thunder went off inside you. the impossible was impossible for the winchesters. you knew this well but to see it face you after months of grieving and nonstop work to rid your mind of your pain, it seemed unreal. 

he was different from the start,but he never addressed it. brushed it off, locked it in a box and buried it beneath the earth so deep you thought you’d never live to see the day where he spoke about it. sam was itching to get it out of him; as were you just to hear what he went through down there so as to help him. you loved him. you’d pick up his broken pieces shard by shard and mend them back together by the glue of your hands, didn’t matter if you had your own shattered pieces on the floor. dean would never let you do it. he was too stubborn to talk, to let the weight off and let someone carry the other half. 

no, instead he smiled and joked over the rims of his beers, ate cheeseburgers like his life depended on it, and shrugged off the memory when asked by sam. 

“i don’t remember it.” he’d say. his eyes would shine forest green, look between sam’s as if he was searching in his brother’s eyes if that reply was enough to put it to rest. because that’s what he needed so badly. was to forget. to put it away.

because if he talked about it - then it was all true. 

-

sam closes the door to the chamber with his good hand, leaving in there dean, who sits tied to a chair in a red button down and a thirst for killing. he had an image in his brain then, what color yours and sam’s blood would be on the wall when he’d inevitably paint it later. when the silence of the chamber swallows him up to leave him on that chair tied and bound, he clenches his jaw in thought. 

for now he’d let sam and you mull it over. that this is how it was now. he knew you two would never let up, but the idea of you squirming in grief of loosing him again makes him grin. if only to see you both suffer, to see you be the prey, it’d be worth it. 

he’s got so much evil in him it’s seeping from his pores - it almost washes over him, warm, powerful. 

you hear sam’s footsteps before you see him. he’s got a sam kind of look on his face, the one with the soft melted brow - distraught and concerned and aching just to fix the situation already. he sees you, sitting on dean’s bed with the covers half-hazardly spread. a lazy attempt at making it on dean’s part. and in your hands rest photos. 

his brow quirks, he takes a few steps to sit beside you. 

you don’t look at him, didn’t have any intentions of speaking until the words just came out anyway. 

“it’s us.” you say with a sad smile just in the corner of your mouth. you offer the photos and sam takes them gingerly, looking over them in a soft glazed gaze. he shuffles through them gently, ones of dean and mary, of dean and sam, and ones of him and you. smiley, laughing, whiskey at the table as you sit on his lap and make an obnoxiously big smile just to get on his nerves a bit. 

your head softly leans against his wide shoulders, eyes closed - glossy though hiding it for a moment as he still looks over the photos. you tuck your hands folded between your legs, finding solace in touch. “we have to bring him back, sam.” 

“we will. we’ll bring him back. i’ll make sure of it.”

then you hear a door slam open.

-

you got your own motel room tonight to share with him. and you pushed for it so you could have some privacy with him to finally get him to crack. maybe that was harsh; you’re beating yourself up on the walk to your room instead. 

you longed to have that kind of intimacy with him again. the kind where he wasn’t afraid to get emotional when talking about his fucked up childhood or the kind where he wasn’t afraid to spill anything or everything. you just wanted to hear him speak - it was tearing you up inside to think you couldn’t help him or that you weren’t offering the grounds in which he felt comfortable enough to open up. 

because you knew he was hiding something. and you had a feeling of what it was about. you saw it in how his eyes would glaze over sometimes, he’d get lost in thought on the road and sam would snap him out of it. 

you lean in to kiss him after you shower. gently, only with the intention of sharing your love in a kind of way that couldn’t be spoken. he meets you back tenderly, resting his forehead against your own when you part. your hand slides up his chest, resting to cup the side of his neck. his own runs up your leg, resting warmly on your waist as you kiss his mouth open - lost and drunk on the feeling and taste of the man you’d grieved for and loved so damn bad. 

when you lift onto your knees he pauses and parts - “wait, wait, wait-”  his palm rests on your chest above your heart, the other  cradling your jaw. you stop, your touch on him returns lighter, you sit back on your legs and part to look at him with concerned searching eyes over his face. 

“what’s wrong- i’m sorry-” your head shakes and he does the same. it’s hard for him to look at you, because if he does he’s afraid of crying and he hates doing that in front of you. 

“no it’s-it’s not… it’s not you.” he rests defeated, looking into your face now. his hands fall to your shoulders and squeeze them before his thumbs soothe over your skin. you wish he wouldn’t try to comfort you right now. 

your hands hold his face gingerly, swiping over his scruff and under his watery eyes. the corners of his mouth tighten. “i-i can’t…i’m sorry.”

“don’t-” you shake your head. your eyes are melty like butter, brow too. dean looks into that softness in your face and the way you look at him and it makes him sick with the memories of hellfire. “don’t ever apologize to me for that, okay?”

you force a smile to comfort him, your eyes match his own in watery-ness and you nod as if you don’t feel like crumbling in front of the broken man. 

“hey,” he’s going in to try and comfort your tears as if he isn’t in the same boat as you right now and you shake your head. 

“no you can’t… you can’t right now. don’t comfort me, it’s you who needs it.” you remove your hands from his face and wipe at your own. he doesn’t listen, moving your hands aside to brush the few hot tears rolling down your cheeks. 

“why’re you cryin, sweetheart?”

“because this happened to you. and i want to fix it.”

-

“where are you, lovebug?” he calls out in a sing-song voice. that sound bounces off the concrete walls heavy, rings out like an organ in a church. meanwhile, sam’s flat along the wall of a neighboring hallways to the voice, you beside him, with his hand on your arm as you mimicked his movement. you round the doorway at the end of the hallway to be met with a flight of stairs as a door slams too close for comfort. 

not many words were shared with sam in that moment if any. his eyes widen so big, jaw slack as he breathed in hushed breaths; ears steering clear for any sounds that might alert where dean was in that very moment. 

he escaped. was the first alarm bell sounding off in your head as you sat on dean’s bed with sam. of course he’d escaped. he’d become america’s most wanted right now in a few hours if he so pleased.

doors open, you keep flat feel as you roll through your steps to minimize sound. if you’re breathing you don’t notice, for it’s fallen silent.

every one of his footsteps sends an ice bath of chills over the top of your head; and your heart fell so fast and hard you were positive it was in your ass. 

you loved dean for so many years, knew him like the back of your hand, and when you kept close to sam taking those weary steps to keep out of dean’s sight you realized just how far this being was from him. he was nothing like him. this was a creature - the kind that sliver through the night, that raise goosebumps on your skin and keep your eyes open under your covers. the kind that leave you a shrivel of fear in the wake of what you used to be. 

he truly was evil incarnate. existing to ride and thrive off of your pain - your fear. 

you’d hate to admit it was working. but he knew that already. you knew he did. 

not to mention the sound of his voice. it was using dean’s body but it wasn’t him. wasn’t his. he twisted and mangled it in his own way and when it left his lips it was dripping in this venom that soaked to the floor and burned in the walls like acid. he was rancid. a menace. 

forget every other demon you’ve faced. what they’d ever done to you or seen them done to others. this was sinful. sin in it’s purest form. 

and that’s why you had to get him back. 

sam moves from behind a ledge in the main room of the bunker, shooting a look at you to follow him without having to speak and make that noise. he gingerly opens the drawer at the work bench, wraps his hand around the set of keys sitting stop other tools, making every movement silently so as not to draw attention to the beast lurking in your halls. 

you watch him and pray he doesn’t make noise with every stretch of his fingers and every step he takes to follow another hallway down into the depths; with you just at his tail. 

“come on y’all.” it’s gruff when it leaves his throat, you’re far enough away to keep moving. “don’t you wanna kick back? spend a little quality time?”

keep moving. just behind sam. your years of hunting and being raised like a machine couldn’t fail you like this. couldn’t fail sam like this. couldn’t fail dean like this. 

“i know you miss that quality time, don’t you sugar?”

you close your eyes tight, but keep walking. you know sam has a destination in mind and you’re meeting his pace with a hand hovering over your holster. in truth you didn’t know what the reality of what he was capable of. every hair on your body stands on edge, even your knees feel weak and head still spinning. 

-

he was quiet that night. it was him who asked the motel concierge for two separate rooms with a gruff in his voice and sadness in his eyes. sam looked at you with eyes that spoke a million words, you nod to him when you know dean isn’t paying attention. you’d take care of him. you always would. it was your job to see this through, to help him heal when he couldn’t do it himself. you follow him to the motel room door just next to sam’s and you squeeze sam’s arm just before you part, reassuring him that his brother was in safe hands. not that sam had any doubt anyway. 

he pushes the door open with a pained expression, almost like it was too much for him to handle. you follow shortly behind, a hand between his shoulder blades and a soft, curt mention of comfort before you disappear into the room for the night. 

when he slinks his duffel bag off his shoulder and onto the bed he has that same pained expression. he was always good at fixing his gaze, hardening it before he looked at you so he wouldn’t crack as easy under your melting pressure. 

“i’m gonna…” his hand meets his forehead, rubs there for a minute. “i’m gonna shower.”

you nod, and hold back for a moment as he makes his way inside. when the spray starts up, you grab your clothes at a slower pace so he has some time to adjust before you follow him in there. you hold your bottles in hand, blessing the target you found a few days ago for your favorite soaps. who knew such little joys could impact your night routine. 

when you step inside the bathroom he doesn’t say anything; not even when you step into the shower and put down your soaps on the bathtub ledge. he’s facing the water, away from you. as soon as you stepped in he lets off his hands from the wall in front of him and looks down now, water running over his hair and down his broad back. 

you wrap your arms around his waist, pressing your chest against his back and your cheek there too. for a moment you close your eyes, and only the sound of the water fills your head. he doesn’t tense, doesn’t move much in that minute that you sit there, only rests his hands on your own. 

he breathes. you feel that rise and fall. for this minute you’re the only two people in the world and you wished only that it’d last longer. this peace. this kind of serenity. 

“it’s okay.” you remind, holding him tight still. you can’t see his expression, but you know which one it must be. 

when he turns in your arms he smooths the wetness in your hair with both of his hands before holding you to him by your waist.

“i know.” he reminds. cheek on the top of your head. 

when you look up to him in his arms, your hair has fallen over your face to cover your eyes thanks to the spray from the shower. and not to ruin the tender moment, but you can’t help but chuckle at the idea of how silly you must look in the moment. 

he follows you in a short huff of a laugh, reaching for the shampoo behind you. “i take it it’s wash day?”

-

the electrical room. the keys in sam’s hands are thick and jingly. you wince at every sound, taking a peak at the ledge just behind you to make sure the coast was clear. you’re still hearing faint faint footsteps. he’s still stalking, still hunting, still searching. you’re not completely unaware of sam’s plan, just wishing it’d come faster.

the door opens, you rush inside and close it behind you as sam b-lines for the lever across the room. 

you imagine how he’s walking. he always had a curt arrogance about him, confidence and cockiness. you wondered if he was armed; stupid thought of course he was. he’d made it to the kitchen if you weren’t mistaken. 

just as sam opens the door to the electrical switches, a sharp boom is heard from across the compound. a door perhaps. your head whips to the direction of the sound, and for a moment you can have some kind of communication with sam. he looks to you, standing before the emergency switch, and you nod.

when his hand pushes it downward - the entire compound is doused in a rich red lighting. it paints the walls in a shade as crimson as blood. seeing might be a bit harder. not to mention everything just got a little more terrifying. 

the alarm is ringing but you still hear that gruff voice call out. 

“smart, guys.”there’s too much enjoyment in his tone. you can hear his smile. “locking the place down… doors won’t open… i get it.”

sam’s looking around now at the sound. a bit closer than it once seemed. that icy chill starts at the crown of your head and freezes you cold to the tips of your toes. 

“but here’s the thing,” you both can tell his voice is moving, down a hallway, closer. “i don’t wanna leave.”

“not til i find you both.” 

the panic has set in harder than intended, sam still takes the lead and you graciously follow as he opens the door - now fearful enough to not care about the noise. you both take that chance. if you’re loud it doesn’t matter. as long as you can run fast enough. hide quiet enough. 

“dollface.” he commands. sam must have a destination in mind, he’s b-lining right for something. “sammy.”

“you’re just making this worse for yourself, guys!” he must be in the main room. you’re shoulder to shoulder with sam, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing next to you. sweat is beginning to form at your hairline - though with every passing word leaving dean’s lips it turns cold. your mouth is dry, hands clammy, this level of fear was one you hadn’t felt in a while. it was primal. survival was your only instinct now. 

“oh, by the way you can uh… blame yourself for me getting loose.” sam’s head hits the wall behind him. he closes his eyes in frustration and tightens his hold on the blade in his palm. 

“all that blood you pumped into me to make me human - well” he’s cut off with his own laughter. “the less demon i was the less the cuffs worked.”

his voice is still moving, now seeming closer than ever. you assume sam has a plan, but you still look to him with wide eyes. he meets your gaze and nods.

“and that devil’s trap…well, i just walked right across it. it smarted! but still…”

-

“it wasn’t four months y’know…”

“what?”

“it was four months up here but down there… i don’t know time’s different… it was more like fourty years.”

you’re sat on the cooler just in front of the boys. sam leaning against the hood of the impala and dean on the passenger side door. it was cool out that day. a little humid, but the beer on ice cooled your nerves enough. 

dean had shared more about hell with you, details like this were sparse, you figured this was him finally opening up. but damn this was hard. to see him have to speak about it, hear it in his voice as he tried to cover it up. in front of you was the man, but it crumbled down to the boy behind him. he was raised as a machine, fought like one. defended his family like one. but when he peeled off the jacket at night, when the silence was the gateway eating as his brain to think of the chains in his muscle, he fell apart. 

sam didn’t push him, he didn’t know what it was like. he saw how it ate at him though, and it killed him inside. chipped away little pieces at him sometimes. 

your lips pause at the top of your bottle, mouth twists, and you put your beer back down and listen. 

“they uh… they sliced. and carved. and tore me in ways that you- until there was nothing left.” you hear the tears in his voice before they show. feel the sickness in your stomach for failing him, sam feels it too. 

“and then suddenly, i would be whole again. like magic.” he takes another sip so as to not ruin his taste. 

there’s an ache at the back of your throat. the one you get when you see how hell left him in shambles. everyday you feel like beating yourself up for it - though sam was there to ease the guilty hangovers and listen to your proclamations of saving the man you loved so dearly. tears blur out your vision before you know what to do with them. 

“just so they could start in all over.” it was getting harder for him to talk about it, but you didn’t stop him. you understood he needed this. 

“and alastair, at the end of every day. every one. he would come over, and he would make me an offer.” sam looks to him, though dean is facing away.

“to take me off the rack.. if i put souls on. if i started the torture.” there’s disgust on his tongue, he tastes it for himself in memory. 

“and everyday i’d tell him to stick it where the sun shines. for thirty years i told him.”

“but then i couldn’t do it anymore.” his voice wavers, shakes. his eyes look so green when they reddened with tears. you wipe your own face and bite at your cheeks. 

“i couldn’t..” he swallows and the corners of his mouth tighten. 

“and i got off that rack. god help me, i got off it. and i started ripping them apart.”

there it was. the boy. 

“i lost count at how many souls.”

“the things i did to them…”

those hot tears roll off his cheeks and you look to sam who’s got water in his own. “dean…” both you and sam say at the same time. 

“you held up for thirty years that’s longer than anyone would’ve.”

his face breaks and his lip quivers. he runs a hand over his face and it pulls away wet with tears. 

“how i feel?” 

“inside me.”

“i wish i couldn’t feel anything.” that’s when his eyes fall on you. for the first time since he’s started talking. and he sees the way your brow is pressed with worry and that crying overtakes your pretty face and he shakes his head, not at anything in particular, just wishing it was enough to stop the pain.

“i wish i couldn’t feel a damn thing.”

-

sam moves quick, grabs your forearm and leads you to a dark corner of the neighboring hallway, just out of sight, and just close enough to the door for his makeshift plan. 

you were silent before, but when you hear those footsteps begin to echo louder - when the echoing disappears and you hear them because they’re damn near next to you - is when you press a hand over your mouth and watch as dean pushes the door to the electrical room open with a wary hand. 

sam’s chest is rising and falling, you can hear his breathing and hope that dean doesn’t. dean stalks inside, sam looks at you for a moment and you meet his gaze. in a moments time the alarm is switched off, and that’s when sam makes a break to the door - slamming it closed and locking it tight. he tosses you the keys in the next moment and you reach for your blade.

“that’s y’alls big move?” he sounds off behind the door. 

“listen to me, dean!.” you strengthen your stance if only for personal comfort - eyes remaining glued to the door.

it was another kind of fear that dean put in you like this. using the body of the man you loved. even looking at him was hard. 

“we were getting close, okay!” sam’s breathing is heavy and he’s close to the door. you clench your jaw and speak since the beginning of his escape. 

“i know you’re still in there somewhere. just let us finish the treatments.”

the door booms with the sound of cracking wood and force. you and sam push back, watching as the second blow is delivered and shards of wood are flying from it’s hinges. 

“you act like i want to be cured.” a third hit, more wood flying. options are looking slim, you look at sam and see him lost in staring at the door behind here’s johnny’d.

“personally…”

“i like the disease.”

“dean stop! i don’t wanna use this blade on you!” force you didn’t foresee escaping you commanded your voice in that moment, blade drawn, eyes cold - only for a moment as he looks at you. 

christ, your skin crawls when he does. you feel that evil radiating from him, seeping into the ground, wielded by a hammer. 

“that sucks for you, doesn’t it sweetheart? cause you really mean that.” laughter bleeds into another hit at the door and you realize you only have so much time left before your brain will coat the wall or worse. 

“look, if you come out of that room, we won’t have a choice!” sam’s confidence is ever dwindling. christ knows neither of you want to hurt him. 

“sure you do.” he pauses. a chunk has been blown out enough from the door that his full gaze is seen in all it’s glory. 

“and i know which one you’ll make. ain’t that right, sammy?”

another blow. “but see, here’s the thing. i’m lucky,” you and sam both raise your knives in unison and you clench your jaw. “hell i’m blessed! cause there’s just enough demon left in me that killing you ain’t no choice at all.”

another three blows and the door comes down, you split when sam does, sprinting as if your life depended on it, which it did. you didn’t stick around to see him leave from behind the door, but with a call of both of your names you assume he’s back onto stalking.

“come on, sweetcheeks. let’s have a beer, talk about it.” his voice is following once again, you duck behind a hallway and hear those footsteps following just like before. 

“i’m tired of playing. let’s finish this game.”

you’re just up behind sam, he takes initiative to look around the corner now back at square one. the alarm is off so hearing him is more clear, but with the way his voice echoes and now that he’s fallen silent, you have no idea of which direction he’s headed until you feel a presence behind you.

“sam-!” you duck, sam does too to dodge the hit of his hammer. it’s stuck in the wall when he whips around - on instinct your blade meeting his throat.

you hold it there with a shaking, sweaty hand. eyes blown so wide you know he can see right through you to the source of your fear. he’s eating it up, even with a knife pulled on him he plays dominance. 

“well..” he draws out, sam’s got a blade just behind him as well, looking to you over his brother’s shoulder. “look at you, honey bunches.”

your breathing is shaky, and despite the fear rolling off you in waves and the ice cold gaze being delivered to you from the body of the man you love so dearly, you hold steady and swallow down the ever growing fire of anxiety in your veins. 

he grins across the blade.

“do it.” his parted lips slur, quickly tightening his jaw with a playful glimmer in his green eyes.

“it’s all you.” those gritted teeth hiss.

tension holds you tight on it’s string, you look at him and. you can’t. not him. not like this. not all of these years you’ve spent together - but this went without saying. he knew you wouldn’t - couldn’t - from the get go. 

you drop the blade in defeat and for a moment his eyes flicker to that cold black nothing - when two arms wrap around him and the moment nearly stops.