#i don’t usually have characters like that but he and adam combined really were my two HS fascinations

[lifesliced]

im enjoying still being stuck in degrassi like i have the last sixth plus months, as you all know, so when i make my degrassi multimuse just know for sixth months ive been waiting to pull the trigger — also i have barely scrolled the dash since yesterday but idk what happened or what’s going on, i only know and am referring to my own personal experiences here idk what’s going on otherwise

[goldensugarywaffles]

Oops I Summoned a Succubus!

Summary: The maknae line summoned a demon and now it’s everyone’s problem.

Warnings: Innuendos, discussions of sex, and Y/n and Taehyung being slight perverts?

Author’s Note: New series! Less edgy than my other one. Don’t really write smut so we’ll see how this goes. Practice makes perfect and I have now given myself an entire series to practice with T-T...inspired by @sunshinerainbowsbts​ because she is the one person who can make me cackle and leave me scandalized in the same fic. She made me laugh and now everyone has to suffer. Forgive me if the fic is bad I swear I tried...

Taehyung was bored and horny. An often-dangerous combination with horrible consequences. After the last incident, it took months before Jimin could look at cucumbers again without a chill going down his spine. Rolling off the couch with a groan, Taehyung set off on his search for some entertainment. While he would usually quell his arousal with help from one of his six boyfriends, he wasn’t in the mood today. With the group becoming increasingly popular by the day, the time for romance and sex was virtually nonexistent. Even when they had the chance to engage in such things, there was no spark. It was practically a chore to relieve stress. Sighing sadly, he wandered into the gaming room, hoping to drown his boredom with video games.

Walking into the room, he was met with a familiar sight. Jungkook was at his computer, grumbling out curses and aggressively smashing the buttons of his keyboard with no strategy. Across the room, Jimin sat watching the younger boy in mild amusement. “How many times has he failed this level?" Planting a kiss on Jimin's cheek, he flops down next to the dancer with a huff. Jimin merely chuckles in response, "I've lost count after fifteen. He's been here for hours, and I don't think he plans to leave anytime soon." Taehyung hums in acknowledgment, watching as Jungkook’s character dies and the screen fades to black flashing the words “Game Over” across the screen. With an angry shout, Jungkook tosses down his mouse. Grumpily making his way to his older lovers, he collapses on their laps without a single care in the world. Jimin fondly pats Jungkook’s butt while Taehyung runs a comforting hand through the younger idol’s hair.

“Guys, I’m bored. Let’s do something fun,” Taehyung whines. If anyone was going to entertain his antics, it would be Jimin and Jungkook. The three were often known for getting into all kinds of mischief. Lifting his head from Taehyung’s lap Jungkook gave the singer a curious look. "You aren't horny, too, are you?" Jimin shivers at the statement. He would never trust a bored and horny Taehyung ever again. Taehyung scoffs, “If you must know, yes, I am feeling a little worked up right now.” Jimin subtly shifts in his spot, preparing to make his escape. Taehyung cuts him off before he gets the chance, “However, I am mostly bored and do not feel like having sex right now.” Jimin instantly relaxes while Jungkook pouts, the youngest’s sex drive insatiable.

“Well, what do you want to do?” Jimin questions, not fully convinced about Taehyung’s innocent intentions but willing to play along anyway. Taehyung hums, "I want to do something mischievous but not necessarily harmful.” Jimin raises an eyebrow at the vague statement. “Like a prank?” Jungkook excitedly suggests. Jungkook was a master at pranks and knew exactly how to set everyone off. “Let’s prank Namjoon! He’s the least scary while angry and will probably only lecture us,” Jungkook gushes, “Oh! Or he’ll do that thing where he looks at us, sighs, and then walks away.” Taehyung nods in agreement. For now, Namjoon was the safest choice to prank, especially because he was in a good mood today when Taehyungs last saw him. “How should we prank him? He’s already clumsy,” Taehyung muses. “We could rearrange his books by size instead of the genre,” Jimin offers. Namjoon’s room was extremely organized, or he would often lose things. Namjoon was especially adamant that his books remain organized by genre and hated when people tampered with them.

Taehyung shrugs; while this wasn't the most exciting activity, he figures it could alleviate at least some of the boredom. Hopping off the couch, the boys make their way to Namjoon's room, knowing that all the others are out for the day. Yoongi was probably locked up in his genius lab, Hoseok was at the dance studio, and Seokjin had gone to the grocery store dragging Namjoon with him. “Okay, what are we waiting for?" Jungkook hops off the other two and rushes to Namjoon's room, far more excited than he should be. Grabbing the younger's hand, Jimin drags Taehyung along to the leader's office. By the time they arrive, Jungkook has already removed various books from the shelves leaving them scattered all over the floor. With a shrug, Jimin starts helping, picking up books and looking over them as if he is interested in what they have to say. Taehyung groans, this was one of the most boring pranks they had ever come up with, and he couldn't believe he agreed to it. Sitting on Namjoon's desk, Taehyung yelps when he sits on something. Looking at the offending object, he suddenly becomes intrigued.  

It wasn’t a book that Namjoon would typically read. It looked old and didn’t even have a title. There was an intricate design of red flowers all over the cover with gold embroidered around them. "Taehyung, why aren't you helping? You were the one who was bored,” Jungkook whines draping himself over the singer to get a look at whatever had caught his hyung’s attention. Giving up on his work Jimin makes his way over to the other two. “What are you two doing?" Taehyung traces his fingers over the book, a sudden chill going down his spine. For some reason, it felt ominous. Flipping the book open to the last page, he reads the passage aloud.

The Demon of Eros Summoning Spell:

From the blood of Eros and blessed by the hands of Aphrodite, a creature of passion and pleasure was born. A gift to mortals and mystical creatures alike, their one true purpose is to serve and provide in the most intimate ways. To fulfill your deepest desires and mend the wounds of the heart, summon the demon if you dare and follow the ritual exactly:

Obtain the flowers born from Eros’ demon:

Coriander for Lust, Roses for Love, Camellia for Desire, and Chrysanthemum for Death

Obtain the demon’s spices:

Cinnamon, Ginseng, Nutmeg, and Ginger.

Spread the ingredients in a large circle, and add three drops of blood from the summoners.

Chant the spell: I summon the sinful demon of lust, pleasure, love, and desire. To pull your soul from the pits of fire. Reveal yourself to the great cosmos; I call upon you, the demon of Eros!

The boys stood in confusion around the book. Why did Namjoon have a demon-summoning book? Ignoring the feeling of unease in his stomach, Taehyung speaks, "What if we summon it?” Jimin scoffs while Jungkook’s breath hitches. “You want to summon a demon?” Jungkook questions the older vocalist, trying to understand if he heard correctly. Taehyung nods, “It would be a great prank. We’ll wait until everyone gets home and then summon the demon!” Jimin raises an eyebrow at the younger man, “You do realize this won’t really summon a demon, right? Demons aren’t real, and this is probably just an old occult book Namjoon found." Taehyung nods in confidently, "All the more reason to do it. Demons aren't real, and no one will get hurt." Jungkook hesitates; while demons aren't real, he still feels uneasy with the whole idea. However, looking at the excitement on Taehyung and Jimin's faces, he relents.

“Alright, where do we get all this stuff?”

Yoongi was tired. He had been locked away in his studio all day long and probably wouldn’t have left if it wasn't for Hoseok. The two men shuffle towards their home, ready for a decent meal and a good night’s sleep. Hoseok leans into Yoongi, almost ready to pass out after an intense session of dancing. The younger rapper pushed himself far beyond his limits despite Yoongi's protests. Placing a gentle kiss on the dancer’s temple, Yoongi unlocks the door, ready for a peaceful night.

Unfortunately, peace is not a thing in the Bangtan household. As soon as he opens the door, his poor ears are assaulted with shouts and shrieks. Seokjin is red in the face speaking so fast that Yoongi can barely understand him. It would have been an almost sight if it wasn’t for the scene in front of him. There are flowers and some sort of powder scattered around his living room. Jimin is standing on a couch arguing with Jin as if the height gave him an advantage. Jungkook is holding Seokjin back from snatching Jimin up. Taehyung has some book in his hand, declaring no one can stop him. Sitting in the corner, Namjoon merely watches, clearly giving up on de-escalating the situation at hand. While Yoongi would ask what's happening, he doesn't have it in him to care. He drags Hoseok over to the couch, flopping down on it and forcing Jimin to move over. Closing his eyes he decides to wait until the commotion dies down before attempting to engage with anyone.

Suddenly Taehyung shouts, “I summon the sinful demon. Of lust, pleasure, love, and desire. To pull your soul from the pits of fire. Reveal yourself to the great cosmos; I call upon you, the demon of Eros!” The room immediately gets quiet. While Yoongi was not completely aware of what was happening, he managed to put two and two together. Taehyung was trying to summon a demon, Jimin and Jungkook were in on it, and he just chanted the spell. Looking around the room, everyone waits for something to happen. Even Hoseok, who had woken up out of his sleepy state after hearing the word demon and summon in the same sentence. After a solid minute, Jimin laughed, "I told you it wasn't real, Jin!”

As if on cue the power went out and suddenly shrouded in darkness. Hoseok immediately screamed and followed it up with a violent slew of curses. Seokjin immediately went into a tirade against Jimin while the latter defiantly claimed it was a coincidence. "Um, guys, look," Namjoon's voice echoed throughout the dark room, and everyone turned their attention to the mess on the floor. The flowers and spices were glowing a faint pink color. Soon they started shifting as if they were being pushed by a breeze, swirling up into a glowing tornado. The boys stood in horror as the tornado burst into a bright light.

“What the fuck is happening?”

“I told you not to summon the demon! Now look!”

“We’re all going to die!”

Suddenly everything stops. The wind no longer blows, and the light disappears. Even the power comes back on.

Rubbing at his eyes, Namjoon looks around to see the men doing the same. Namjoon attempts to compose himself before flinching at Hoseok’s signature scream. In the center of the room stood a girl. An alarmingly attractive girl. At first glance, she seemed normal, dressed in a hoodie and some joggers with white sneakers to match. She didn’t even glance at the seven men in the room, her attention captivated by the cell phone in her hand and the headphones signifying she couldn’t hear a thing. But looking closer, Namjoon saw a pair of dark horns protruding from her head and a striking set of sparkling eyes with flecks of red and pink. Looking up from her phone, her smile immediately dropped from her face, “Oh fuck.”

And for the third time that night, Hoseok screamed.

Jimin wasn’t exactly sure how demons worked. After all, he didn’t believe they were real until five minutes ago. But from what he gathered so far, you were not a normal demon. Almost immediately after being summoned, you had changed your appearance, your horns disappearing and your eyes a more natural color. You merely observed the idol band lose their shit and even allowed Seokjin to tie you to a chair and attempt to banish you with a twenty-four-karat gold necklace with a cross charm that he found in Jimin’s room. Namjoon had immediately fetched a notebook and began taking notes about every detail he could find, while Taehyung bombarded you with so many questions it made your head spin.

After a good thirty minutes, the men had seemed to calm down, and you decided now was a good time as any to introduce yourself. After all, while you usually enjoyed being tied up, there was nothing sexy about this situation. In a puff of bright pink smoke, you suddenly appeared on their couch, no longer restrained by the ropes Seokjin had taken the time to put you in. You held your hands out in a surrendering motion, hoping your usage of magic wouldn’t set off another freakout. “Everyone, let's calm down. I’m not going to hurt anyone. Well, unless you want me to, but that's a conversation for later. Sorry for the dramatic entrance. It's a typical thing we demons do so that mortals have no room to deny our existence. Just some basic stuff. Anyway, my name is Y/n, and I’m your personal demon.” The boys blink in shock at your clearly practiced and polite tone, fully expecting you to take their souls and suck their blood. A minute of silence passes before you decide to prompt the men, the awkward silence suffocating.

“So, may I ask who I am speaking to? Something I can call you other than daddy?” Jungkook choked at the thought, and you gave him an innocent smile. Seokjin, on the other hand, scoffs, far more concerned about your supposed lack of knowledge about who they are. “Wait. You don’t know who we are?” This causes all seven of the men to look at you incredulously. While they never considered themselves to be arrogant or narcissistic, they found it virtually impossible that'd even a demon wouldn't know who they were. Rolling your eyes, you figure that they are no longer freaked out if they have the time to worry about their popularity, “Yes, I am aware of who you are. I was simply being polite. But shouldn’t we be focusing on the more serious topic at hand?”

Tilting his head Hoseok regards you wearily, “What serious aspects?” He was concerned that this was the moment you’d reveal your bloody fangs and kill them all. However, he was relieved when all you did was give a half-hearted shrug. “It is extremely clear to me that no one in this house summoned me intentionally. Luckily for you unlike most demons I have a passionate hatred for killing mortals so there will be no repercussions for reckless summoning.” Yoongi quirks a brow at the statement, “I thought you said you were our personal demon? Are you saying we could have summoned someone else? Maybe someone less chatty?”

Ignoring the cat-like man's jab, you decide to give the men the general rundown of summoning Eros’ demon. “Yes, I am your personal demon. Think of it as a matchmaking system. Every person has a specific type and specific needs, and I fit all seven of yours. If anyone else outside of you seven had cast the spell, a different demon would have appeared." Yoongi nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer, but Seokjin, however, was not. After furiously flipping through the pages of the book that summoned you (hoping he could find a way to send you back), he was scandalized to learn just what type of demon you were. Pointing at the maknae line accusingly he shouted, “You three idiots summoned a sex demon! Did you even read the book?”

“Woah, not to ruin the already awkward mood, but sex demon comes off as kind of derogatory, and I'm not into degradation. I’d prefer if you’d use the more politically correct term succubus.” Seokjin flushes, mumbling out a quick apology, caught off guard by your constant sexual references. Hoseok would have almost found it funny if he wasn’t still scared out of his mind at the fact that there was a demon in their living room. In fact, he found it disturbing that everyone else was seemingly okay with the concept.

However, Taehyung still had one very important question, “Where does the sex part come in?” In an instant, the serious tone of the conversation was broken. Jimin immediately slaps his palm to his forehead, Namjoon chokes, Seokjin sputters, Jungkook and Hoseok blush a furious bright red, and Yoongi nods in genuine agreement wondering how you are going to explain that. Surprisingly, you weren’t fazed by the question at all.

“I mean we could go at it now if you wanted.”

Taehyung’s eyebrows immediately shoot up at your bold statement, and you swear he's considering it. However, Namjoon clears his throat gesturing for you to go on and give a more serious explanation. With a sigh, you tap on the book in Seokjin’s hand, “Since you guys clearly have something against reading, I'll give you a basic breakdown. I’m basically a kinky therapist. I bring the spark back into your sex lives and help you explore your kinks while also helping you strengthen your relationship. I’m your personal demon so I already know your kinks now that you've summoned me. So really, my only goal is to get you to embrace them.”

Hoseok nods slowly, though he is still quite cautious. “What exactly do you get out of this? Are you going to take our souls?” Making finger guns at the dancer, you continue, “You know how vampires need blood to survive? Think of me as an energy vampire. While most just drain energy from their prey, leaving them feeling tired and exhausted, succubae choose to feed on sexual energy. It's enjoyable, consensual, and doesn't hurt the person they're feeding from, unlike most other energy ways of energy feeding.”

Every so subtly, Taehyung chimes in, "So how much sex do we need to have? Is this like an everyday thing?” Seokjin slaps the younger man on the back of the head, chastising him for speaking without tact. You only shrug as if he asked about the weather, “I can survive without it for long periods of time. It’s kind of like getting a craving for certain food and just ignoring it. Nothing you need to be worried about.”

Not knowing what else to say, the room gets quiet. It was a lot to take in in one night. Though after some consideration, none of them were necessarily against the idea of having sex with you. You were extremely attractive and seemed genuinely friendly. Fooling around with a succubus with no strings attached even seemed appealing. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

“I’ll bet a hundred bucks that Jimin has a mommy kink.”

“Taehyung what the hell?!”

“Make it two hundred and I’ll tell you if you’re right.”

“Y/n!”

“Deal.”

“Guys seriously?!”

[tellmewhatyouc]

2022 in review

from ficwip!

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out? Would you do it again?

i wrote my first crossover fic! they're not usually my thing so it seemed kinda wild to do but i was really surprised how naturally the characters worked together. plus i was really happy to see a few other people excited about it 👍

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

i learned a lot about myself and my identity through writing characters i love! especially exploring relationship anarchy and other non-traditional relationships, it gave me the language to describe how i feel about my friends and people who are important to me overall 💞

also that i'm way more likely to get a fic done if i can crank out a draft/outline in one sitting 😭🙏

What piece of media inspired you the most?

nu: carnival! i’m thriving with relationship anarchy being built into the canon 😩👌

What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

sk8, nu:c, and one deltarune fic! also posted some one piece but it was stuff i wrote the previous year

What ship(s) captured your heart?

the sk8 cast polycule, primarily four wheels (adam/langa/reki/tadashi), kept me Running for a good chunk of the year. i love all the different dynamics and history between the characters and it's really fun to explore how they can work in all different ways.

also some combinations of quincy/kuya/blade of nu: carnival, there's a lot of fun (potential) history going on there and i have Many more ideas i'd like to execute in 2023

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

nu: carnival yes! and that one deltarune fic fjdksf

What fic meant the most to you to write?

THE CROSSOVER FIC, exploring that sweet religious trauma is so cathartic

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

i feel fine, i haven’t been feelin it much lately but writing paramedic quincy is a treat and i’m hoping i can get back into it soon 👀

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

two old friends and an e-droid bc i speedran that shit for elise’s birthday

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

maybe also the previous answer but ALSO the crossover fic that no i have not finished

also some zine/bang fics that i was just NOT FEELING and i’m excited to do much less of those next year fjdskfjd

What fic was the easiest to write?

probably i feel fine until just this next chapter where i got STUCK

What were you go-to writing songs?

i like video game soundtracks, usually lo fi mixes of like animal crossing, the sims, or a hat in time

What were your go-to writing snacks?

i don’t usually eat while i write but i love tea

What was the hardest fic to title?

probably any fic that’s not titled with song lyrics and honestly some of them that are song lyrics bc they were a last resort

Share your favorite opening line

The tension in Sia la luce could be cut with a knife.

Or rather, a dagger, in the case of Kaoru’s stare across the table. 

--don’t mind the third wheel (technically wrote this in late 2021 but shhhh)

Share your favorite ending line

It wasn’t the same, but Quincy was happy.

--close enough to forever

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

“Well, simply put, my dove, he’s worried about you.” Adam took a sip from his own glass, and if he didn’t care for the taste of his drink, it didn’t show. “He wanted to make sure we’re not doing anything… unsavory.” He wiggled his eyebrows, to which Kaoru rolled his eyes.

“But we are,” Langa replied, deadpan. “We have sex all the time.”

Adam snickered. Kaoru put his head in his hands.

“Yes, dear, I’m sure he knows that,” Adam said. Then, he mumbled into his glass, “Certainly now, if not previously.”

--don’t mind the third wheel

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

a lot to pick from but here’s another bit i liked

“It doesn’t matter what your relationship with Tadashi is like, compared to others,” Ainosuke said. “I feel… different sorts of feelings about all three of you. We share different things with each other. But I think… by association, we’re all important to each other. While we have our individual relationships, we also work as a unit. Right?”

Reki hadn’t thought about it that way… but it made perfect sense. All four of them met up plenty, whether for their regular check-ins or just a nice dinner. He liked his moments alone with Langa, and with Ainosuke, but he liked seeing everyone together just as much.

”Tadashi likes you,” Ainosuke continued. “He may not always show it, but he’s fond of you. He likes spending time with you. He gets plenty of alone time with me already— and if he needs more, he knows he can talk to me about it.” He gave Reki another kiss, this one on the nose. “You’re not intruding. I promise.”

--pillow talk

What’s something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

i don’t have specific examples but certain characters (particularly ainosuke) love taking the wheel and changing the entire course of the fic so that’s always an adventure

What did you use to write? (programs, paper & pen, etc.)

just google docs! sometimes also a word counter app on my phone if i’m writing quick drabbles

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

not necessarily Just writing but fandom rhythm vol 1 going live

for writing specifically, hmmmaybe posting not quite anointed and having other people care about it

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

not in particular, my fics tend to be on the shorter side so i’m just like 🎉 woo time to post

How did you recharge between fics?

actually been reading a lot more in these past few months, particularly outside the fandoms i write for which has been LOVELY

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

writer friends! @dykecassidy who i love talking fic with regardless of our fandoms, @hyuge ​& @theinsanefox i got to know this year and have been lovely beta readers & general support buddies, and of course @waaaluigiboard​ who constantly puts up with my yelling 😌❤ also @ficwip​ and all the regulars there!

What’s something you want to write in 2023?

i think i’d like to finish my big four wheels fic! it’s a silly one based on a cheesy romcom and i have it all outlined i’m just. always tired and swamped with events and deadlines. but i’m hoping to sign up for less and focus more on my own stuff, less on current trends or w/e and just write things i want to write at my own pace.

it’d also be fun to write for a new fandom! i got really into deltarune, supernatural, and fnaf this year and it’d be fun to explore those more in fic ✨

[dionnaea]

Promises

pairing: kenny ackerman x reader (platonic), slight levi x reader

warnings: angst, character death, mild swearing

wc: 4.4k

a/n: so, so sorry this took so long!! i decided to combine these two requests and change them up a little, so i hope that’s okay! i’m really proud of this piece, so i hope you all enjoy it, too. xx

side note: technically this is a sequel to my other fic Pot Meet Kettle but it’s not entirely necessary to read that first.

requests:

Your writing’s so good I’m cryin’... Also, I’d LOVE to see what you have in mind for Kenny and Reader’s background! 👀 Were they both underground? was Reader already in the Corps when they met?? did she learn how to punch creeps from Kenny?? Plus I’m very curious about what he meant by her fixing broken hearts!

could you do a part 2 to the pot meet kettle levi fic? i really loved it and i think it would be cool if you could write a part 2 based off the kenny vs levi scene in season 3? like maybe kenny sees the reader and he's like good to see you again and levi is like mf what idk im not creative :(( sorry if this isn't enough

attack on titan masterlist | general masterlist

After Rod Reiss had been taken down, the scouts were sent to search the ruined fields for survivors. It was unlikely that any were left, but Erwin was adamant that no soldier would be left behind. You respected him for that, and went on your way to do your job. 

As you wandered, you ran into a returning scout, someone you didn’t know the name of but were sure had been paired with the Captain for this mission. His head was down as he walked, like there was something he had seen that he shouldn’t have, and your mind began to fill with worries for Levi. Had something happened? 

Making your steps slightly heavier in the grass so that he would notice you, the man finally looked up, quickly saluting to his superior. You brushed him off, instead getting down to business. 

“Where’s Captain Levi, cadet?” 

The man’s eyes darted away from your own before he answered. “Taking care of something, I think.”

You raised an eyebrow in suspicion at the soldier’s weary tone. “Oh? And what is he taking care of, might I ask?” Everything about this seemed peculiar, and you weren’t having it. 

“I don’t know. Something… personal.” When he finally met your gaze, he relented, sacrificing the Captain’s privacy for his own sake, too scared to see what your reaction would be if he kept playing coy. “He’s that way, by the big oak tree,” he stated, pointing in the direction he came. 

You squinted, making out the shadow of the tree in the setting sun. You dismissed the cadet, and quickly made your way towards Levi, his body becoming clearer as you approached. Once you were a reasonable distance away, you called out, but were met with silence. As your worry grew, you moved faster, only stopping when you realized what was going on. 

Levi was kneeling, his body covering the person in front of him. It didn’t matter, you’d recognize those spurs anywhere. 

“Kenny?” The name was uttered in disbelief, and as you stepped around Levi, your eyes grew wide with fear. “Kenny!” 

Immediately, you jumped into action, your scout training taking hold of your body as you knelt by your friend. Your hands hovered over his burnt and bloodied body, not knowing where to start but ignoring the possibility that it was too late. “How… How do I help you? I-I don’t know what to do.” Your eyes were tearing up, and your breathing was getting ragged as you struggled to find some solution. “Please, Kenny, tell me how to help!” 

“Kitten…” His voice was rough as he spoke, his usual tones of confidence and charisma gone. You met his half-closed eyes with your wet ones, begging for him to give you some answer, some, any sort of reassurance that things would be alright. 

“Please,” you pleaded. You had never sounded this pitiful in your life, but you didn’t care, and as his shaking hand grabbed your own, a sob wracked your body. “Kenny, please. Please stay.” You couldn’t help, you knew that, but you hoped for once in his life he would listen to you. 

His eyes began to shut, and his voice fell to a whisper as he said, “Stay safe, kitten.” With a barely there squeeze of your hand, his body went limp, his hand dropping from your grasp.  

You stared in silence, shock overtaking you for a moment. But then, all you felt was anger. “No. No! You promised!” You were yelling at this point, fist reaching out to bang on Kenny’s chest in retaliation. A strong grip on your wrist stopped you, but you weren’t done. As if he could read your mind, Levi wrapped his free arm around your waist, pulling you back from the now dead man. You were screeching obscenities at both Kenny and Levi as you struggled to break free. Soon, your screams turned into sobs, and as you fell limp into Levi’s arms, you let out one last whimper, a last cry for help. “You promised.”

Later that night, as you pulled a camisole over your head, a knock sounded on your quarters’ door. Truthfully, you had absolutely no desire to talk to anyone. You had had a long day, you had just changed into your pajamas, and you weren’t in the mood to join your fellow soldiers in celebration. Still, you pulled the door open a few inches, hoping it would be someone you could easily send away. To your surprise, Levi stood outside dressed in plain clothes and hair wet from what you presumed was a shower. Even more surprising was the newly formed bruise on his cheekbone. The reddish-purple mark stood out against his normally flawless skin, and you found yourself staring, only Levi’s sharp voice bringing you back to reality. 

“You did that, you know,” he commented with a blank face. 

“What?” You opened the door a bit more, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

His left eyebrow cocked up just barely. “When you went berserk earlier. Before I managed to snag both of your wrists,” he explained. He reached up a hand to brush against his cheek. “Damn, you hit hard.” 

You weren’t sure, but the tone in the man’s voice made you think that maybe, just maybe, he was trying to cheer you up. Against your will, the corners of your mouth turned up the slightest bit. “Did you expect anything less?” You quipped, wondering what his answer might be. 

“No.” He shrugged. “Just surprised it took you this long to punch me in the face.” 

At that, you let out a laugh. It was true, the man had managed to push every single one of your buttons during his time with the Scouting Regiment. The two of you were in constant conflict, arguments over the smallest things popping up out of nowhere. At some point, Erwin had decided that Mike would be the babysitter of you two, keeping you both in line during training and even more so during squad leader meetings. You started to smile at the memory, but when you remembered that Mike, like so many of the others you loved, was dead, your expression fell. 

Moving your eyes to stare down at the uneven floorboards, you spoke quietly, but sincerely, “I’m sorry.” 

Levi knew you weren’t just apologizing for hitting him but for everything, and as he studied your face, he made a decision. “Do you want some tea? I keep a special brand in my room.” It was the only thing he had to offer, and both you and him knew it. 

You froze as you tried to figure out the best course of action. Follow the Captain to his room or mope around alone until you cry yourself to sleep? In the end, it was an easy choice. Still, your heart stuttered in your chest while you gained your composure. You took a breath before responding, “Um, sure.” 

There was a beat of silence, as if the two of you were readying yourself to take on some new, mysterious foe. And in a way, you supposed, you were. About a month after Levi had joined the scouts, there had been an… incident of sorts. It wasn’t disastrous or anything like that, but Erwin had quickly ruled that the two of you weren’t allowed to be in the same room together without someone else present. A wise decision on his part, if you were being completely honest, and something that Levi nor you argued with in the slightest. But now, years later, it seemed both of you were ready to break that rule, Levi making the first move as he turned on his heel and waited to see if you would follow. 

Out of all of the scouts, you were known to be the most stealthy. Mike was usually the only one who could sense you were coming, claiming you had a distinctly pleasant smell that his nose had no problem picking up on. One time, he had even claimed that you were the best smelling person in the Survey Corps, and you couldn’t help but swell with pride. Hange had whispered to you later that evening that that was his way of flirting, but you never took her seriously. You weren’t interested in dating anyways. No one had ever really caught your eye minus one man, but you always said it was more of a fascination than a crush. 

Even your ODM gear seemed to be quieter than the rest, and you once managed to spook even the Commander when you landed on the same tree branch as him without him knowing. You naturally existed silently and sneakily so when Levi picked up on the sound of your sock-clad feet shuffling behind him, the pit of concern in his stomach grew. 

Reaching his quarters, he unlocked the door wordlessly, holding it open so that you could enter first. Your eyes widened as you took in the space. First of all, it was much bigger than your room. While you only had a bedroom and bathroom to yourself like the other squad leaders, Levi had a small living area with a couch, small coffee table, and even a desk. There were papers neatly stacked on top of it, and the rest of the area was just as orderly, his tea kettle sitting in the exact center of the coffee table. Only when you sat down on the couch did you see the small fireplace he had. It was just big enough to fit a tea kettle over it, and that’s what Levi proceeded to do. 

You let out a low whistle, capturing the man’s attention. “Wow. When did you get so important?” You asked, motioning lazily about the room with your hand. 

Levi scoffed and placed a hand casually on his hip. “Erwin gave it to me when he moved into the Commander’s quarters. Reward for the highest kill count or something like that.” His voice was so nonchalant that for a moment, you didn’t realize that he was insulting you. No, you thought, it was more of a tease than an insult. 

Now it was your turn to scoff, well aware that your fellow Captain was just trying to get a reaction out of you. Levi watched as you rolled your eyes playfully, firelight glinting off of your irises. Had they always been such a pretty color? 

The whistle of the kettle broke him out of his reverie, and he swiftly turned back to take it off of the heat. When he brought it back to the table, he was pleasantly surprised that you had already prepared the teacups, him only having to pour the water in and wait for it to steep. Hesitantly, he moved around the table to take a seat next to you, wondering when the two of you were ever this close. The events of the day popped into his head, and he did his best to ignore the fact that the thing he remembered the most about it was you being in his arms. Still, a question had been lingering in his mind, and he figured now was the best time to ask it. 

“Y/N,” he started, and you looked over with wide eyes at the use of your first name. You honestly weren’t aware that he even knew you had a first name. “Can I ask you a question?” You knew what was coming, but you forced yourself to nod anyways, giving him silent permission to know your secrets. “How do you know Kenny Ackerman?” 

It was a loaded question, and you let out a breath as you tried to figure out the best way to tell the story without getting either you or Kenny into trouble. Even the secrets of a dead man needed to be protected sometimes. Despite it all occurring years ago, the government’s threat towards you regarding the release of information hung heavily in your mind. Both you and Levi would be in danger if you revealed too much. He could swear himself to secrecy, and you would trust him, but the risk would never be worth the reward. You fiddled with your fingers in your lap, worrying your lip as you thought of how to start to explain. 

“Well,” you bit the inside of your cheek, gathering your nerves before continuing, “About a year and a half before you joined the scouts, I got myself into a bit of trouble.” He raised an eyebrow in surprise as you were widely thought to be the most well behaved and well intentioned scout there was. He thought he was the only person who could get you riled up, your scoldings from the other squad leaders and the Commander always leading back to him. You sent him a small grin. “I wasn’t always the goody two shoes I am now, Levi.” 

“Anyways, it became kind of a big deal in the Capital, and a lot of higher-ups were calling for my head.” You let out a light chuckle. “Imagine just turning 19 and having almost every MP looking for you. Scary stuff.”

“Wait.” Levi held up a hand to stop you before you could continue. The story had just started, but he was already having trouble believing that this was the truth. If not for the darkness that rested just behind your eyes, he would’ve called bullshit as soon as you said your first sentence. “What exactly did you do?” 

You looked away from the intensity of his gaze for a moment, an internal debate raging on inside your head. With a sigh, you relented. “I… I can’t tell you everything, but let’s just say it had to do with a certain Premier and confidential papers being stolen from his office.” Levi’s eyes grew wide, and you took that as a sign to continue. “No one knows except Commander Erwin, but I spent most of my teenage years in the Underground. I was born within Wall Sina, so I had papers to be up top, but I much preferred being below gro—”

“Why?” Levi was quick to cut you off, his expression hard and tone almost offended.

“My parents owned land in Wall Sina, and when they died, they left none of it to me, so folk got the idea in their head that I was a problem child. I wasn’t wanted there, so I left.” You shrugged, and Levi’s face softened. “I admit, the Underground wasn’t easy, but I was quick on my feet and smart for my age. I survived and I survived by myself. Help wasn’t something I wanted, but when you’re suddenly being chased by the royal government, it becomes something you need. That’s how I found Kenny, and it’s why I owe him my life.” 

It had been a week since you had completed your assignment, already turning in the materials to the man who had hired you and returning back to your comfortable life underground. All had seemed to go swimmingly, and your confidence had grown tenfold. The feeling of being unstoppable was addictive, and you craved the sensation of that feeling again. You let your thoughts drift to what you could accomplish next, but sudden screams quickly snapped you out of your daydream. Straightening in your chair, you peeked out of the window of the tavern you currently resided in. Fear grew in your chest at what you saw.

Standing right outside were five MP’s, fully equipped with ODM gear and holding up a wanted poster with a poorly drawn sketch of your face on it. It was clear that they were asking for your whereabouts, and you were thankful to see that every person was shaking their heads to say no, they had no idea. Even with the solidarity of your fellow Underground citizens, you knew you had to get out of there and away from the sharp swords that hung off of the men’s waists. Before you could move, though, two of the men entered the bar, their eyes sweeping over the patrons. 

Right before their eyes could meet your frightened ones, your world was encased in darkness, the only light you could see coming from below you. You blinked, trying to understand what exactly just happened, but soon realized that a large hat had been placed over your head. Carefully, you lifted the brim so that you could see, and were met with the piercing silver stare of a man a good amount of years older than you. Apparently your confusion showed on your face because he quickly pushed the hat back down so that it shaded your features. 

He spoke in a quiet voice, only letting you be privy to whatever information he was about to share. “I’d keep that on if I were you, kitten. Don’t want the MP’s seeing your face, now do we?” You didn’t dare speak, but quickly shook your head, showing him you were listening and following instructions. “Good,” he dragged out the vowel, and the table shook as he placed his leg onto the table. Were those cowboy boots and spurs? You were pretty sure people only wore those in stories. “Now,” he stated, “We’re just gonna have a nice, pleasant conversation. Lots of giggles, ya hear me?” You nodded, the hat moving up and down your forehead. 

As the man started spewing nonsense, you did your best to play along, laughing like he said to and keeping your face covered as best you could. You could hear the MP’s getting closer to your table over the man’s rowdy voice, and the hand gripping your drink began to shake in fear. Smoothly, the man took your hand in his, making some weird comment about how soft it was. You frowned. Your hands weren’t soft at all. What was with this guy? 

The realization of what his plan was smacked you in the face, and you let out light giggles in response, putting on your most fake voice as you thanked him for the compliment. The things you were saying to each other became sickly sweet, so much so that you almost laughed at one point. As the soldiers approached your table, the mysterious man leaned in close, his alcoholic breath fanning over your face. Calmly, he swept the hat off of your head and placed it so that it covered both of your faces from the men who were now only a couple of feet away. 

A swift kick from under the table spurred you into action, and you let out a girlish moan followed by an exaggerated giggle. He followed suit, making a comment about how nice your lips were. If it were any other situation, you would punch this man in the face, but for right now, you’d listen to every command he gave you. From behind the hat you heard one of the MP’s mumble about ‘couples these days’ with a gagging noise coming from the other. With one last lovesick comment from the man in front of you, the MP’s retreated, leaving the tavern with muttered curses leaving their lips. 

Your savior leaned back into his chair, a smirk adoring his features as he placed his hat back on his head. For a moment, you both just stared at each other, you in shock and him in some state of glee. You decided to speak first. 

“Who are you?” 

“The name’s Kenny.” He kicked his other leg up on the table with a thwack! as the spur hit the cracked wood. The silence grew again, but this time you were at a loss for words. Sure, his name was Kenny, but was that all he was going to say? Apparently not, but when he spoke up again, it was entirely unhelpful. “That was fun, wasn’t it?”

You frowned, unamused. “Maybe for you. I should punch you for some of the things you said. Strange men shouldn’t talk to unassuming ladies like that.” Your tone was laced with a bit of sarcasm, and he guffawed.

“I don’t think fugitives from the crown can be considered ladies,” he shot back, and you huffed. His face grew serious. “I’ve been watching you for a while, kitten.”

You raised your eyebrows at the nickname. “It’s Y/N, and, uh, what?” Once again, this man completely took you by surprise. 

He shrugged. “You may not know it yourself, kitten, but you’re well known down here in the Underground. A mysterious girl who arrives without a sound, stealing from the above-grounders and sharing the wealth with the rest of us? You’re practically a legend; some people don’t even believe you’re real, but those that do would protect you with their life.”

This was all news to you. Yes, those were things that you did, but people recognized you for it? You furrowed your eyebrows and blinked quickly as you tried to puzzle the situation out. “I…” You struggled for words.

Kenny held up a hand. “It’s true whether you believe it or not… But, it seems that you’ve bitten off a little more than you can chew this time, my friend. Stealing from the Premier? Tsk, tsk.” His tone was more playful than condescending, and you gave him a weary grin. 

You sighed and finally relaxed back into your own chair, studying the man’s face. It showed his experience rather than his age, and you wondered just exactly who he was. Taking a chance, you pried for more information. You hated being in the dark. “So, you didn’t answer my question. Who are you?” 

His smile grew at your curiosity, crooked teeth appearing under chapped lips. “Someone who can help you. If you want it, that is. It seems clear you like to work on your own.” There was a challenge laced into his words, and you wondered what the right decision was. On one hand, getting involved with someone else, someone else you knew nothing about at that, was a dangerous game. On the other, you were in trouble and you needed all the help you could get. 

Taking a chance, you slowly nodded. “Okay. What do you have in mind?” 

He explained his plan. The MP’s didn’t know your name, so it would be easy to get above ground using your old Wall Sina papers. After you expressed your concern and with a chuckle, he dismissed their drawing of you, stating that once you got above ground and cleaned up, you would be unrecognizable from your old self. Then, with his next words, you lost your confidence in his plan. 

“You want me… to join the Survey Corps?” You shook your head in disbelief. “Uh, no way. That’s right under the government’s noses!” 

He brushed you off. “Eh, not really. The government already dislikes the Corps. They’re not gonna care who’s in it; they figure you’ll all die soon enough.” At that, you gave him a very blank stare, and he just laughed, stealing a swig from your mug. “You’ll be fine. You don’t seem like the dying type.”

It was true, you had escaped the jaws of death on multiple occasions, but you weren’t in the business of actively riding towards your demise. That seemed plain idiotic to you, and you made that known. “This isn’t a joke. It’s my life on the line,” you countered.

With a swift movement, his legs were off of the table and his body was leaning in towards yours, the weight on his elbows making the table creak. His eyes turned dark, levelling your gaze. “It’s your life either way. Would you rather die by the hands of the Military Police after they’ve done God-knows-what to you? Or would you rather die on your own terms, possibly fighting for Humanity’s freedom?” 

It was a good question, a fair question, and one you immediately knew the answer to. You sucked in a breath as you resigned yourself to your new fate. “So, how do we do this?” 

With another grin, Kenny explained the rest of his plan. It really wasn’t a bad idea, and you were grateful for the help. But still uncertainty settled in your stomach.

The day you were to join the Corps, Kenny had told you he would meet you before you left. You hadn’t seen him in about a week, and in that time, you had completely changed yourself, moving up top, getting a haircut, and finally wearing clean, untorn clothes. It was weird and different, but a part of you enjoyed it. This was a new start, you had chosen to believe.

“Kitten!” You turned towards the easily recognizable voice with a roll of your eyes, but the playful smile that toyed with your lips gave away your true feelings. “Give me a spin!” He requested, and when you did, he let out a loud whistle. “Damn, you really look like you belong up here.”

You raised your eyebrows with a grin. “That’s the point, right?” 

“Precisely, my friend, precisely.” Slinging an arm over your shoulders, he began to walk with you towards where the ferry would pick you up. His pace was slow, obviously not in a rush to say goodbye, and you felt the same. Somehow, the two of you had grown close over the past month. Even with all of the secrets you both kept from each other, there was an air of freedom when you were in the other’s presence. No lies, no false personalities, just friendship. 

It was refreshing, to say the least.

For once, you both were quiet as you walked. The weight of the future hung over both of you, pressing your mouths shut. He managed to speak first, his voice cracking for the first time since you met him and giving away his true emotions. 

“Stay safe, kitten.” The words were serious, and something in him couldn’t stand to let that be the last thing he said. “You’ll kick those Titans’ asses.” 

Normally, you’d laugh, or at least smile, at his cheesy jokes. Instead, you stopped walking and turned until you both faced each other, looking up to meet his eyes. With a swallow, you asked something of him that you knew was unfair, was selfish, was wrong. Yet, you still asked, knowing Kenny wouldn’t hold it against you. 

“Promise me you won’t die before me.” 

His eyes softened in understanding, crinkles forming around their edges as he gave you the most gentle of smiles. He knew what you needed to hear, knew it would be a lie, knew you’d hate him for it. But, he said it anyway.

“I promise.”

[noel-fielding-web-page]

'Making TV during Covid is like being a hostage'

Noel Fielding on the return of Never Mind The Buzzcocks

As Never Mind The Buzzcocks is rebooted for Sky, returning team captain Noel Fielding reflects on how it – and he – has changed over the years.

What did you think when you heard that they were bringing the show back and wanted you to return as a team captain?

Well, usually I’d be like, ‘Never go backwards. Never go back,’ but I did it for five years and I became really good friends with Phill Jupitus. I love Phill, and we just got on really, really well. So I was half thinking, ‘Should I do this without him?’ I knew he wasn’t doing it. He’s gone back to art school, he’s in Scotland now living his best life.

But the reason I said yes is because I’m such a big fan of Greg Davies and Daisy May Cooper. They’re two of my favourite comedians, they’re two people that really make me laugh. So, I just thought, ‘Well, I know this show and I can’t not do it if those two are doing it, because they’re so good.’

I did Taskmaster, and literally I laughed all the way through it. Greg was cracking me up all the time. I just thought, ‘This is going to be really good. It’s a deadly combination.’

Did you feel any nerves at all sitting back in the captain’s seat?

Not really, but I had to slightly reposition myself mentally, because I suppose when I did it originally, I was much younger. I still feel like I’m 32, even though I’m not. I’m looking forward to the John Cooper Clarke years, where you’re still dressing ridiculously, you’ve got your ski suit on, and your crazy boots, and people go, ‘Oh yeah, it’s him.’

John Cooper Clarke is my hero, he’s still rock and roll, he manages to pull it off. And I saw him on Antiques Road Trip, and I just thought, ‘Well, if you can make Antiques Road Trip cool, that is the coolest thing ever.’

You must miss the social element of the show then?

Yeah, I would love if there was a bit more of a social aspect to it, because I feel like bonding-wise, it’s great if you can all go out and get smashed occasionally, because it just helps.

But I just feel lucky that we can still do television, because of the pandemic, not everyone can do the job they were doing.

You’re up against Daisy, how competitive does it get between  you?

Well, I’ve realised I’m getting thrashed, which is killing me! I think Daisy has a really weird knowledge of Britney type pop music, that I don’t have.

That’s slightly my weak point, is that I’m not big on that kind of pop stuff. I know it, but I just don’t know as much of it.

Daisy seems to know every lyric to every pop act. She knows Bieber lyrics, and stuff like that, which I’m hopeless at. I know Bieber exists, but I know it’s not for me! I think Daisy, so far, has been quite lucky with the guests. She’s had Lauren Laverne, who’s just like an encyclopaedia of music.

But I’ve never been that bothered about winning. I’m always trying to be funny, instead of giving the right answer, or I just have a laugh with my team.

Jamali Maddix floats between both teams, what’s it like having him on the show?

Jamali’s amazing, actually. I’d seen his stand-up and I thought he was really good, but he’s been brilliant on this. He’s quite a good counterpoint to Greg, because he’s coming from such a different angle, of youth, because Greg is always playing the old man card! Jamali is the person that’s going, ‘Right Greg, this is what’s cool. This is what’s happening’, but Greg’s like, ‘I’ve got no fucking clue,’ which is hilarious.

Some people might say that the music scene is not as wild now as it was back in the day. What do you think to that?

I think it’s different. I think that there have been a few guests on who are definitely rock and roll, but in a different way to what was classified as rock and roll, I suppose,. What was quite funny is, there’s a rapper called Aitch, and I don’t know how young he is. He’s very young, 21, 22 maybe. And he was saying that his guilty pleasure was Razorlight, and I was laughing, ‘I used to knock around with Razorlight, wow, my generation are being described as a sort of guilty pleasure!’ It was cracking me up.

The kids are always doing something different, and as you get older, you think, ‘Oh, it’s not as good as my generation,’ but, it probably is, it’s just different. I’m sure I used to say that to my mum and dad. They were very rock and roll, so it was very hard to out-rock and roll my parents. They used to go to see David Bowie, and Led Zeppelin. When I was growing up, the only way I could really rebel was by listening to Adam Ant, and stuff like Duran Duran, which they thought was just pop stuff, because they were the real deal rock and roll.

What’s the vibe of the show this time around?

Well, I feel like because Greg’s in control, it’s a little bit out of control to begin with, and I feel like Daisy’s energy is quite mad as well. And then I’m quite weird! The young pop stars that are coming on, and rappers are going, ‘I was a bit nervous, I thought I was going to get torn to pieces, but actually I really enjoyed that.’

The great thing about Buzzcocks is it’s a place where you can see your favourite bands, or singers, or rappers, or whatever, and you can get to know what they’re like. There are not many programmes where that happens any more.

I feel like we’re giving them space to shine a bit as well. I feel like Greg’s really warm and giggly, but he’s also so funny. Daisy’s a sort of wild card, and I’m quite surreal. And Jamali’s got a whole different thing going on, so I feel like we’re coming at it from loads of different angles.

I feel like the vibe is quite mad tea party. It’s nice, it’s a little bit out of control. I feel like if there were fewer restrictions because of the pandemic, we’d probably be all rolling about together,   where Daisy would be jumping on you, and Greg would be rolling about. I feel like it would be quite a tactile show. One of my big memories of doing Buzzcocks before was being chased around the set by Lorraine Kelly.

I feel like another series would just descend into absolute carnage, definitely. It’s just TV gold, right there.

What have the guests been like?

There’s been some great guests. Obviously, we had Bez and Shaun Ryder, which was fantastic, they’re such a brilliant double-act and such funny characters. There’s been a lot of stuff that we’ve been laughing at, that I’m not sure will make the show. Daisy said to me she really hopes there’s just an extra episode of bloopers and outtakes.

One of the games looks at pre-show rituals, do you have one?

It’s quite difficult now because you’re not allowed to come out of your dressing room until the last minute, so it is like a hostage situation. Then, you do the show, you get bundled into the taxi, and you’re gone. It’s a bit like a dream, it’s like you’ve been kidnapped, and then put in front of a TV audience, done some stuff, shown off for a bit, and then you’re back in the car. You go, ‘Did that happen?’

Apparently, Daisy revealed her obsession with ghosts during filming?

Daisy’s the weirdest person I’ve ever met… She’s so hilarious. I think her cleaner, who came to the show, is a medium as well. You couldn’t really write that, could you?  And, oh my God, she literally loves dancing. She’s always out of her chair, busting moves. I think she’d probably win Strictly if she was ever invited on it. She should definitely do it!

• Never Mind The Buzzcocks returns to Sky Max at 9pm next Tuesday, September 21.

Published: 14 Sep 2021

[x]

[evenmywordsare]

I dont think I’ve seen you talk about Mettaton in a long time. Do him? (You can delete this if you don’t want to). Love your blog!

sexuality headcanon: gay! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

gender headcanon: trans! 💙💗🤍💗💙

a ship i have with said character: uhhhh well. kind of embarrassing but. a gay friend of mine had a really sweet take on mettaton and sans so i have a lingering fondness for it.

a brotp i have with said character: having already discussed mettaton and alphys… have i mentioned my mettaton and undyne concept. most people can’t really tell that they ARE friends because they tease the shit out of each other, but they both get a good laugh out of it. the friend things they do usually involve alphys or papyrus or any other members of the core pacifist gang, but they do get along on their own too. they’re a bit of a disaster duo left alone though, and probably in most circumstances the, being left alone means that in no less than 10 minutes in things will be Exploding. ultimately they’ve almost got this brother/sister dynamic going on and their combined exuberance / flair for theatrics is a smidge chaotic and they annoy each other sometimes but they have fun. i think they help each other write songs too, sketching them out on the piano together. aside from them i also love mettaton and shyren’s little friendship, and the idea of mettaton and queen being besties.

a notp i have with said character: i don’t like the vibes of a lot of mettaton ships, fanon mettasans included lol. a lot of people are just weird about mettaton and relationships so i prefer to just keep to my own head.

random headcanons: i’ll always maintain that he has a soft side under his showbiz persona, and that on the surface he realises what a massive asshole he’d kind of been and tries to be more aware of himself. i think he also gets the band back together, shyren on keys and napstablook on synth (plus lemon bread on the bass, and maddy on the drums) and go on tour. if i had to pick a some real world artists that i think would best exemplify how i imagine mtt’s musical style.. probably a cross bewteen lady gaga and adam lambert.

general opinion of said character: long time followers may remember that the first summer after i made this blog was, as it were, the summer of mettaton, where i posted exorbitantly about him and about papyton and my millions of headcanons for them. even my url is a mettaton quote. i have come a long way since then, with characters like undyne, toriel, and alphys ranking above him now in terms of interest, but i definitely still love him to death. he’s a really fun character who was kind of done dirty by the game (he should have been a lost soul and present in the line up on the surface) and i miss him a lot.

[einsk8rot]

man i really did just realize (a lot after looking at @emmiewtf 's posts and @//animemindset on tik tok they are so cool) why the last episode really did overall feel so much more unsatisfactory and didnt have like. as much oomf as it could've. (tiny tl:dr at the end if you cant read through this all this do be long)

despite having some really cool ass scenes and little things and some cute ass renga stuff. it was so much more focused and around adam than usual? and being genuinely uncomfortable and still not really liking adam because he's still. super creepy. its really just kinda disappointing to see how focused it was on him and how he literally didn't get like any consequences for any of the shit he pulled? like cool clown man you like skateboarding again, are we like gonna acknowledge the constant assault of skaters you went against, one being reki why is obviously just a minor trying to have fun while you literally traumatized him? like so much of the shit that happened to reki. adam inadvertently or not caused that and the fear of him getting left behind by langa and stuff because of how adam skated with reki. like i don't know if this makes sense and im super happy reki is happy with skating again but that shit and trauma still happened and led reki to that downward spiral and i feel like we don't talk about that enough. and adam still like. never got any consequences for that. if not for weird ass behavior around people that are literally minors, especially knowing how adam acts and that adam had some sort of connection with miya who's like. hardly 13-14 or so. you had a fucked family life and childhood and it's understandable to change because of that but just because your past is shit doesnt mean you commit assault for fun and act like that to kids. and innocent people just watching like when he used bystanders when he raced. that wasn't fun that was just. concerning. and he got no punishments, he like, as i understand practically got away free

he genuinely is not a character i like. and many people probably feel the same. the last episode was more focused on him and redeeming him compared to others and it really just didn't feel right. more focus on the protagonists, reki and langa, ESPECIALLY reki just would've made it better i think? more about their relationship, cherry, joe, MIYA. miya like, got so pushed on the back burner in the more recent episodes? didn't even get an on screen apology or proper explanation of reki's situation and as someone who genuinely loves miya that was. pretty disappointing please give miya more appreciation. but despite that uh. reki and langa's relationship was like, practically used to give adam a reason to skate for fun again. which is. like alright i guess? i just really didnt like it. it was fucking amazing to see langa break out of 'the zone' type thing because of reki and him putting fun in his skateboard but the focus on teaching adam thats its fun. it makes sense, it was practically expected considering how focused the show is on skateboarding being fun but after all the stuff adam did it wasn't satisfying seeing him get away with everything and suddenly be sort of friends? like ok with the rest of the cast. (ALSO TADASHI WHY WERE YOU OK WITH THE DOG THING???? DUDE???????? his like. love for skating once again is back i guess? but bro that. alright if he's into that im not judgin)

episodes like episode 6, 10, and 11 were my favorites and that's solely based on it being more centric on the actual protagonists and the cast genuinely having fun. and adam getting what he deserves. or adam must not being there HEHAHAHEJHFV so. in episode 6 there was like no adam and it was just the main 6 having fun! it was a genuinely great episode to watch with the cutest moments, plus some good ass foreshadowing? okay just more subtle buildup of reki's insecurities with some really nice moments while also being funny and fun! and that was really nice to watch! i think episodes 10 and 11, moreso 10 are my favorites because they're reki-centric. episode 10, we got to see so many intense character moments, shadow literally getting fucking bonked by that dude with his manager (STILL SAD OVER HER GETTING WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHERE IS THE HIROMI APPRECIATION HE TOOK A BAT. LIKE MULTIPLE HITS TO THE HEAD FOR HER???), i think that was the episode with the matchablossom carry? MANAGER OKA MOMENTS WE LOVE TO SEE IT HELL YES GET IT MAN WE LOVE TO SEE THE SUPPORT AND ADVICE TO REKI. TADASHI TAKING REKI TO A LOVE HOTEL?? THAT WAS SO OUT OF NOWHERE BUT ACTUALLY SO FUNNY TO ME (kinda creepy when he asked have you never been here before like. tadashi he's like, 17, please) and HOO BOY. LIKE ALL OF THE REKI MOMENTS IN THE EPISODE. GETTING MORE INSIGHT IN REKIS PAST (WHO IS!!! THE GANG HE WAS WITH!!!!!!!) AND SEEING HIM SLOWLY START TO REGAIN HIS LOVE FOR SKATING AND APOLOGIZE TO LANGA???? LITERALLY THE WHOLE SCENE WHEN HE RECONNECTED WITH LANGA. NOW THAT WAS SATISFYING. SEEING THE WAY THAT REKI LIT UP AGAIN WHEN HE REALIZED SKATING WAS FUN. HIS CONFIDENCE COMING BACK. SKATING WITH LANGA BECAUSE SKATING IS PRACTICALLY LOVE AND THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE SO THAT WAS ENOUGH. THE WAY LANGA WAS FOCUSED ON REKI. HIS BOARD WAS BROKEN BUT HIS TOP PRIORITY ISN'T JUST SKATING, IT WAS REKI. IT WASN'T FUN WITHOUT REKI AND HE LOVES IT BECAUSE ITS WITH REKI. AND EPISODE TEN JUST REALLY SHOWED REKI AND LANGA'S RELATIONSHIP PERFECTLY AND THE MAKE UP WAS SO GENUINELY SATISFYING WITH THE CUTEST FUCKING MOMENTS. THAT COMBINED WITH HOW GOOD THE PROGRESSION OF REKI WAS THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE REALLY JUST MADE IT HIT TO ME. it actually focused on the protagonists. and it was. so good. i will give anything to feel the same way i did watching episode ten for the first time again. it was a rollercoaster in all the perfect ways and it was just so genuinely fun and satisfying. and episode 11? was the perfect continuation of that for me.

episode 11. was so good. as i've seen many people say, its like reki reclaiming his spot as the main character and one of the main protagonists. he took a chance on the rain, he went against adam again and this time showed he wasn't afraid. he was just having fun and he was overcoming adam because of it. it wasn't just the board he made. this was emphasis on reki's own skills and confidence and how it got him to, even with not actually winning the race, he fuckin won. he showed adam who the hell he was. he showed EVERYONE what he was capable of despite of how much everyone doubted him. and do you know what makes that doubt people had in him even better? okay that wasn't worded really well but the doubt people had in him made the payoff of his success even better. but its the way that langa didn't fucking doubt him for a moment. he had his FULL TRUST in reki the entire time even when pretty much everyone else wanted him to give up. expected him and wanted him to stand down against adam. but langa believed and trusted reki. and even when he didn't win his first thought was to check on him and protect him from adam. renga's relationship, platonic or not is just. so amazing. so fucking beautiful despite the ups and downs because of how much care. the amount of trust they have in eachother, how they just know and understand eachother. its fun and okay because its the two of them. and that showed throughout the episode and i loved that. BUT ENOUGH RENGA. THE FOCUS ON REKI IN THE EPISODE. i believe in reki supremacy and that he needs more appreciation as the main character, the protagonist, and hoo boy. eleven was THE most satisfying shit. ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT REKI EFFECTIVELY, DESPITE TALENT, COPIED LANGA'S TRICK? HOW HE SORTA REVERSE LOVE HUGGED ADAM? HOW HE USED AND LEARNED THE THINGY MIYA TAUGHT HIM yes i forgot the name IN THE FIRST RACE WITH ADAM. HOW REKI IS SO GOOD AT LEARNING THAT SHIT JUST BECAUSE ITS FUN. HE JUST DID IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED MORE FUN AND THATS SO AMAZING. PLUS THE CONFIDENCE REKI HAS? THE RESILIENCE HE HOLDS? HOW HE KEPT STANDING UP? TAKING EVERY THROW SPIN AND PUNCH once again fuck adam thats just a kid having fun and you were punching him until he was bleeding. if he didn't pull away, adam had those spiky things on his elbows. he would've genuinely hurt reki AGAIN. PLUS HIM PULLING THE FULL SWING KISS ON REKI???????? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. LIKE THE WAY REKI EVADED IT WAS SO COOL GO OFF REKI BABY YOU'RE DOING AMAZING BUT ADAM WHAT THE FUCK. but on the note of reki being amazing again, this episode really did show that. it had so much focus on reki and showed how him being reki, his confidence, the skills he developed himself, his love for skating is what makes him amazing. him being reki. thats what made people like him. thats what gave him everyone's support. thats what made him practically win and show that he IS the main character. that was reki at his BEST. the satisfaction of proving everyone wrong. his found skating family being so hyped and proud of him. AND HOO. FUCKING, BOY, ANOTHER ONE OF THE BESTS PART OF ELEVEN WAS ADAM EATING SHIT. WHAT HE FUCKING DESERVED. the mentality of the s goers and fans is kinda dumb with them not really caring about reki until this and literally bashing him still sorta at the start of the race. then immediately clowning adam, but adam like actually deserves the clowning hah. bitch. the best part of episode 11 was not only reki, but how they treated adam. he was GETTING what he deserved. seeing adam on the ground and fallen. people booing him and focusing on reki being cool as shit instead of adam winning. that was so fucking satisfying. taking the 'king' away from his throne after all the fuckery he's done, him being shunned. now that was beautiful. that was what i liked and adored. 11 once again, reki-centric, and adam getting some punishment for his actions. that was amazing. that was what i liked. i watched sk8 for reki and seeing that made me scream in delight.

episodes 10 and 11 were just, yeah. the focus on the main characters and adam getting what he deserved. the renga relationship moments were just. something about them both was just perfect and i hope i conveyed that right. episode 12 just . didn't make me feel all that much. at least compared to those 2. and that's pretty much completely because of adam. and because after 10 and 11, 12 really was just. kinda underwhelming i guess? the adam-centricness of it. the use of langa's love for reki and skateboarding for adam's sake really was just kinda. eh. THE ENDING AND ACTUAL MOMENTS THAT HIGHLIGHTED REKI AND LANGA WERE BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS but the adamness was just. yeah. it was. mm. all of my rant juice is like running out ive been typing this for like an hour so

TL;DR: the focus on and redemption of adam and not our mains was what made 12 so eh. the characters and their relationships is what makes sk8 so good and the sudden focus on adam was just. mm if you read all of that i hope that made sense and please feel to add on and respond!! i love seeing people's insight on things and i tend to forget about stuff when i rant!

[astermacguffin]

The semantic logic of AMVs

I finally finished the post I promised to @katebushstandean , so here's my contribution to the blossoming field of spn amv studies.

In this post I made about fanworks and intertextuality, I argued that AMVs can be referred to as a "discourse between discourses." What I meant by that (and I elaborated on this in the post) can be summarized in this argument structure:

(1) AMVs are typically a dialogue/discourse between a song and a show/film.

(2) A song is already a discourse of its own (i.e. it's the dialogue between music and lyrics).

(2) A show/film is already a discourse of its own (i.e. it's the dialogue between the visual and auditory elements of the show/film).

(C) Therefore, AMVs are typically a discourse between discourses.

I want to push this argument even further and argue for a more generalized theory of meaning that should (ideally) be applicable to any piece of media.

LAYING THE FOUNDATION

Let's start by analyzing at least just one medium at a time. Take music, for example. Without lyrics, how does music convey meaning at all? Now, I won't go too much into either music theory or the psychology/sociology of music (since I don't think I'll be able to give these subjects any justice anyway), but I want us to look at music more structurally/linguistically. (I am certainly not a linguist, but I am a training logician and I think it would be interesting to extract the logical/semantic relations that occur in music if we treat it as a "text".)

If we want to break down music into its smallest possible units of meaning (the same way we break down language into morphemes in morphology), then we would probably end up with notes, beats, and chords as our basic units (among other stuff, like timbre). Obviously, we cannot subject music to the same reductionist approach we do with either natural or formal languages (e.g. breaking down language into morphemes/propositions/subject-predicate relations/functions).

This is due to the fact that music doesn't really agree that much with the principle of compositionality—that "the meaning of the whole is a function of the meanings of its parts and their mode of syntactic combination." (If you disagree with Montague semantics, you might even argue that the same is true for natural languages and that only formal languages are truly compositional, but I digress). Generally, there is "more than the sum of its parts" when it comes to music; the meanings of a chord don't solely depend on the meanings of the individual notes that make up the chord.

Anyway, back to music and meaning-making.

Yip Harburg has this interesting quote on songwriting, which Adam Neely references here at this mark (15:29–16:10), a quote he originally got from Ben Levin. The quote says: "Music makes you feel feelings, lyrics make you think thoughts, songs make you feel thoughts." I think this quote best encompasses what I mean when I argue that songs are "discourses" of their own.

But even without the lyrics, music on its own is already "discursive." A single note played once doesn't really "mean" much, in the sense that we can't really gather as much meaning out of it alone. The note's relationships with other musical elements is what opens up the realms of meanings that we can attribute to it. (This concept is explored much better in here.)

The same thing is true with natural languages. Morphemes and words have meanings on their own, sure, but they don't really say that much on their own until you place them in a specific order with other morphemes/words. A single sentence is already a discourse between the units of meaning that compose the sentence.

I have been using the term "discourse" a lot, but what do I mean when I use the term? Without spending too much time explaining my own theory of discourse, let's define a discourse as a "series of discursive units." A discursive unit consists of two parts: a prompt and a response. What's important to know about responses in a discourse is that you won't really be able to fully grasp what they mean without knowing what the prompts are (i.e. what they are responding to).

When I describe song and lyrics as "discourses", what I think I really mean is that they are "discourse-like" (hence the description, "discursive"). The words of a sentence treat each other as their own prompts/responses; they're not as meaningful alone, but when taken together, meaning emerges. The same goes with music.

Taking this to a more macro scale, we can treat each episode of a show as their own discourses, and each episode "responds" to the others in some way. The harmonies, tensions, and contradictions that emerge from the "conversations" between these episodes are what we often respond to when we make fanworks (fanart, fanfics, meta, and the likes).

Generally, there are two kinds of "conversations" that happens within and among pieces of media:

The intra-discursive (the conversations that happen within a single text, like how a show's episodes converse with each other), and;

The inter-discursive (also called the intertextual, or the conversations that happen between different texts).

Now that we have established these terms and concepts, we're FINALLY talking about AMVs.

THE DEAL WITH AMVS

I've already touched upon this in my intertextuality post, but it's worth repeating. What I believe AMVs do is reveal the intra-discursive using the inter-discursive. What this means is that by making the subject text converse with other texts (e.g. by making clips from Supernatural "dialogue" with a song of your choice), you are somehow extracting the implicit discourses present in the original text.

When we talk about fanworks (and transformative works in general), we often talk about it in terms of recontextualization, as well as adding something new that wasn't there in the original text (e.g. fix-its). But a neglected aspect of fanworks that I believe AMVs bring to light is the revelatory power of fanworks, like the way it makes the people (may it be the audience or the original creators) confront the implications and implicit meanings already present in the text.

(Learn more about the semantic logic of AMVs below the cut)

Another interesting thing that AMVs do is that it often makes the subject text subservient to the song. More often than not, it's the show that has to adjust to the song; it's the show that has to be sliced and diced in order to fit the song. This is simultaneously a form of violence and a form of liberation—violent in the sense that goes against authorial intent (with "author" here used loosely to refer to the forces that brought the piece to life, may it be a single person or an entire production team) and liberating in the sense that the latent or supressed narratives are brought to light.

Even before the AMV is done, this discursive process is already made explicit by the act of editing. In most editing softwares, you get to see the timeline of your material and an explicit divide between the audio and the visual elements. The audio stream is already a discourse of its own, and the same goes with the video stream.

When you vertically slice these juxtaposed streams and cut out a portion of it, you now have what I call a "semantic moment" locked in time. We can imagine the audio being divided into these little semantic moments (e.g. the chords, a key change, a shift in dynamics or tempo, etc.) and something similar can be said with the video (e.g. vital scenes in the show). Now, a semantic moment doesn't have to be special or eventful; in fact, most of them aren't. In fact, all of experience is nothing but a series of semantic moments (i.e. moments of extractable meaning).

Now, imagine an AMV playing in front of you right now. Let's represent the audio as a series of semantic moments from A1 to An and do something similar to the video, from V1 to Vn. If we represent the flow of time from left to right, then we can talk abstractly about experiencing an AMV like this:

A1-A2-A3-A4-A5...-An

V1-V2-V3-V4-V5...-An

Every moment of our experience of the AMV can be divided into a series like this. AMVs are art objects that unfold over time: they are temporal, and therefore we cannot immediately access all parts of the semantic "discourse" of the text all at once—we have to wait for them to happen.

Let's say I want to analyze Semantic Moment number 6 because something interesting happens there: the chord suddenly shifts into a minor key while at the same time, the video shows a character turning their back to the camera. Now, there are three possible ways to handle this (none of which are mutually exclusive; we usually perform these modes of analysis simultaneously):

Vertical analysis - analyzing the discourse between A6 and V6. What meanings are brought up when we take these two elements in conjunction? What associations do we have with minor keys, with people turning around, and how these associations influence the other?

Horizontal analysis - analyzing the discourse between A6 and its earlier counterparts, A1-A5, or between V6 and V1-V5. Earlier, we have discussed that a single chord or a single word on its own doesn't mean that much; it's their relationships with other elements that bring out their "meaning space." What "narratives" or "metaphorical gestures" are brought upon when you consider these semantic moments as discourses/texts as a whole?

Diagonal analysis - analyzing the discourse between A6 and V1-V5, or between V6 and A1-A5. Here, you make the semantic moment converse with the "history" of its counterpart. What are the events that happened in the earlier parts? For example, knowing that the earlier parts of the song were in major key before the turn-around scene might influence our reading of it. Similarly, knowing that the earlier scenes depict a happy relationship might influence how we read the minor shift.

Again, we often do these analytic slices as quick as possible (and often simultaneously); it's not something that we often do consciously (unless the subject text is actually that dense and difficult). It's instinctual to us to bring up these comparisons and engage with the explicit and implicit discourses of meaning happening with any kind of text we interact with.

Now, here's where it gets more complicated. Unless the AMV in question is just a scene lifted from the show and overlaid with a song, it would usually involve a bunch of cutting and joining between different scenes/episodes. What this means is that you're taking an already temporal object and reassembling it into a new order in time. This means that we might've initially thought of as V1-V2-V3-V4-V5...Vn might actually be V3-V1-V6-V19-V8...Vn or some other permutation.

Again, this process is simultaneously violent and liberating—violent because you are destroying its intended order, and liberating because you are negating the tyranny of linearity and contiguity. What I mean by this is that people tend to focus on the discourse of the semantic moments depending on how close they are in space and time. For example, we might focus on how V1 is in dialogue with V2 and how V2 is in dialogue with V3, but the farther the semantic moments are, the less likely we are to notice their discourse.

What AMV editors do is rebel against the tyranny of this habit and bring into light the connections that might have gone unnoticed without the intervention. We often talk about how certain fanworks are more analytical than transformative (e.g. fanfics that function more as character studies and meta analyses of the source text), and there certainly is a spectrum of this among different genres of fanworks. I believe that AMVs, no matter how transformative they are, cannot help but invoke a certain analyticity in their production and reception.

And that concludes my AMV essay. I'll probably add more to this when I gather more thoughts (like how these three posts are related in some way).

Lemme know if y'all wanna hear more about my theory of discourse or something else related. Support your content creators and reblog!

[drabbles-mc]

Protective Detail (3/?)

Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Warnings: language, falling more in love with Nestor than we already were originally (if that’s even possible)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I’m a sucker for characters building relationships. Humans slowly getting to know each other and get more comfortable with each other??? Friendships and feelings developing?? Sign me the fuck up lmao. As always, hope y’all enjoy xoxo

Chapter Index

Protective Detail Taglist: @masterlistforimagines​ @sillygoose6969​ @mydaiilyescape​ @lovebennycolon​ @the-radical-venus​ @gemini0410​ @garbinge​ (If you want to be tagged in this fic or any of my other writing let me know!)

A few days into the new arrangement, you and Nestor had started figuring out a little bit of a routine. There were a lot of quiet moments between the two of you—you realized that he wasn’t much of a talker and you were still trying to figure out how to get him to say more than two sentences at a time about anything. It was like your new mission.

He was adamant about doing dishes. He couldn’t stand letting them sit in the sink overnight, so they were always clean first thing in the morning when you came out into the kitchen. He’d shake his head at you before you could even try to tell him that it wasn’t necessary. You wanted to be motivated enough to clean them before you went to bed, but by the time the end of the day rolled around all you wanted to do was crawl under the covers and pass out, so that was usually what you ended up doing.

“I’ll do dishes but I draw the line at combining our laundry,” he said as he carried his small hamper of dirty clothes to the basement where the washer and dryer were.

You laughed, calling after him, “Oh darn. How am I supposed to snoop through your stuff, then?” you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket and you took it out to see who was calling, smiling to yourself when you saw your father’s contact photo on your phone screen, “You’re calling early.”

“You’re awake early,” you could hear the smile in his voice, “Was just calling to check in and see how things are going.”

“I haven’t succeeded in driving him away yet, unfortunately.”

Nestor’s voice came from downstairs, “I can hear you!”

“Good!” you called back with a laugh before returning your attention to your phone call.

Your father sighed, “So things are going well, I see.”

“It’s really not bad at all, Papi. Nestor is alright. It’s just weird living with someone that you don’t know,” you paced the floor of your kitchen, “You know how long he’s gonna have to stay with me?”

“Until I feel that things have been properly handled.”

“You sure Miguel doesn’t need him back?”

“Even if he did, he would never ask me,” you knew your father well enough to know that there was a light smugness to his voice as he said that, “But you’ve been alright? You’re safe?”

“Yes, I’m safe,” you heard Nestor’s footsteps coming back up the stairs and you turned to face him, a childish smirk on your face, “Nestor is doing a fabulous job protecting me.” You chuckled as he pressed his lips into a thin line and made his way to the guest room without a word.

Your father laughed, knowing that you were giving your protective detail a run for his money, “Don’t be too hard on him, mija.”

You laughed, “No promises. I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Love you.”

“Love you too,” he let out a soft chuckle before hanging up the call.

Morning faded into the afternoon and you hadn’t seen Nestor since he disappeared after he brought laundry downstairs. Some moments you wondered if your father’s concern about him being annoyed enough to quit were valid, but you also figured that Nestor was too proud and stubborn to bail. You walked down the hall and knocked on the open door to what you now considered his room. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, tying his shoes. You smiled slightly as he looked over at you, eyebrows raised.

“You almost ready to go?” you asked, “Ready for another very boring night sitting at the bar watching me like a creep?”

He stood up and walked over to you, and for a moment you were reminded of the size difference between the two of you. he glanced down at you, making you feel very small as your face instantly got hot, “Ready to watch me watch you? Like an even bigger creep?” You chuckled, mostly to try and relieve the tension that was bubbling up inside your body. He brushed past you and went to grab his keys, “My turn to drive.”

You followed his path and opened your mouth to argue, but you knew it was useless. With a sigh you grabbed your purse and followed him out the door to his SUV. He’d driven you a couple places in it, and you had to admit it had way more room than your car when it came to grocery shopping. You still weren’t ready to accept it as your main mode of transportation, though. You could’ve had your own nice car, and your father would’ve preferred it, but you didn’t like feeling so obvious. And, in the case of Nestor’s car, you hated feeling like you were constantly fighting to not touch anything in his pristine vehicle.

“You really don’t need to stay for my whole shift, Nestor,” you said as the two of you walked in the front door, “I’m sure there are more important things you could spend a couple hours doing and then just come pick me up afterwards.”

He shook his head, opening the door for you, “Can’t do it.”

It was a busier shift—Saturday’s always were. You almost felt bad for Nestor, but at least there were enough people to keep him occupied and have him feeling like he was actually serving a purpose by being there with you. He never said anything, but you knew that things had been so quiet lately and it was probably a big change of pace from whatever he was usually doing for the Galindos. Any time you tried to ask or allude to it, though, he went silent.

You finally had a moment to pause and catch your breath for a second when you saw Nestor waving you over. You leaned over the bar so he wouldn’t have to shout whatever it was that he had to say to you, sporting your best Customer Service Smile so the people around you wouldn’t get clued in on anything.

“Guy over in that booth has been eyeing you for the last fifteen minutes.”

You were about to tell him that there were always creeps leering at you while you were working, but when you saw who he was talking about, your facial expression dropped. You saw Nestor’s whole body tense up and he went to stand, but you put your hands over his to stop him. He turned to you, clearly confused and on-edge.

“He’s not a problem. Just a shitty ex-boyfriend. He’s annoying, but not a security concern. You can sit, it’s fine,” you nodded to him to reassure him before plastering a smile back on your face and getting back to your other patrons.

Nestor didn’t like the fact that the man kept staring at you. And despite the fact that you had explicitly told him that he wasn’t an issue, there was still a very strong urge to get up and physically throw him out of the building. For the sake of your job, though, Nestor kept himself seated, keeping an eye on everyone else while paying special attention to the man in the booth.

You don’t know how you missed him coming in, but you almost wished that Nestor hadn’t said anything. Now you couldn’t help but to feel him staring at you and it was a difficult feeling to ignore. It would have been a total abuse of power to ask Nestor to go over and get in his face, and you knew it, but the option was still tempting nonetheless. You were glad that he was at least keeping to himself.

That luck ran out too, though. You were looking across the expanse of the bar to see if anyone needed anything, and sure enough he was standing at the far end, a smug grin on his face because he knew that you were going to have to come over and talk to him. Jade saw the look on your face and was about to intervene but you politely waved her off, knowing that it wasn’t her drama to deal with.

“What can I get you, Marco?” your voice wasn’t nasty, but it wasn’t laden with the typical sweetness you used on other customers.

“Whatever’s good on tap tonight, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that,” you didn’t look at him as you grabbed a glass and picked a beer out of the tap lineup.

“That your new boyfriend?” he nodded towards Nestor as you handed him the glass.

“And if he is?” this conversation wasn’t going in a good direction, but you were trapped in it regardless.

“I was just wondering, because he’s spent an awful lot of the evening staring at you.”

“Could say the same about you,” you scoffed.

You went to walk away when he reached over the bar and grabbed your arm. His grip wasn’t tight, and you knew that the intention wasn’t to hurt you, just to get your attention, but you still had the overwhelming urge to bust his nose. You ripped your arm from his grip, taking a deep breath as you suppressed the desire to cause a scene.

You almost had no say in the matter, though, as Nestor materialized, placing his hands down hard on Marco’s shoulders, “Everything alright over here?”

Your eyes grew wide, not sure at all how this was going to play out. You could see the fear on Marco’s face, but you also knew that he was too proud and too stupid to back down from a fight, even if it was one he would definitely lose. He shrugged in an attempt to get Nestor’s hands off of his shoulders, “We’re fine.”

Nestor’s eyes zeroed in on you, practically begging you to give him the okay to do some damage, “All good, Y/N?”

Before you could answer, Marco spoke up again, “I said we’re fine.”

“I wasn’t fucking asking you,” Nestor’s voice was low but you could tell by the grimace on Marco’s face that he was definitely digging his fingers into his shoulders.

You nodded, “We’re good.”

Nestor released his grip and you could see Marco’s entire body relax. His gaze lingered on you for a moment and you nodded again to let him know that you could handle it. He didn’t say anything else as he made his way back down to where he had originally been sitting at the bar. His eyes never left the two of you though—you could feel his stare even though your back was to him.

“I figured you would’ve gone for a more warm and fuzzy type,” he tried to play it confidently but you could tell that he was shaken up.

You scoffed, “I’d leave while you still can. He decides to come back over again I won’t tell him to let you go.”

The color drained from Marco’s face, but he just couldn’t make himself smart enough to walk away, “Didn’t think you liked pushy guys.”

You braced your hands on your side of the bar and leaned forward slightly, “I don’t like guys who are pushy with me. Now, get the fuck out before you see how pushy he can really be.”

The second threat was enough to get through. He dropped money on the surface of the bar and left, leaving a full glass of beer behind. You chuckled to yourself as you brought the glass down and set it in front of Nestor. The two of you locked eyes for a moment but didn’t say anything about what had happened as you went about the rest of your evening.

You were cleaning up after your shift, once again it was just you, Jade, and Nestor. You and Jade were going back and forth about some of the ridiculous things that you had heard that night as you wiped down counters and tabletops. Nestor scrolled on his phone, a smile tugging at the edges of his mouth as he listened to the two of you.

When there was a lull in the conversation, he looked up and at you, “So, who was your friend that was here tonight?”

“Ah, he got to meet Marco,” Jade chuckled, shaking her head knowingly.

“Marco?” he raised his eyebrows.

You huffed, rolling your eyes, “Yea, Marco. With a capital M for mierda,” you let out a humorless laugh, “We dated a couple years back.”

“Still not over you?”

Jade interjected before you could, “Can you blame him?”

You smiled and shook your head, “I haven’t heard from him in a while. He pops up every now and then to see if he still has a shot. He never does. I turn him down, send him away, and the cycle repeats itself.”

“Too bad you didn’t have a Nestor sooner,” Jade was stacking glasses with a smug grin on her face, “Could’ve gotten rid of him a long time ago.”

“Nestor is not a bouncer for ex-boyfriends,” you laughed.

She laughed and shrugged, “It is a bonus though.”

You shook your head as the two of you finished up closing down the bar. While it was hectic sometimes when it was only the two of you, those were some of your favorite nights. You’d come to think of Jade more as an aunt or a second mother rather than your boss, and you liked the time you got to spend with her.

After getting home and letting Nestor check the house, the two of you took turns showering off the day. You were trying to figure out if Nestor just had multiple of the same sets of sweatpants and lounge shirts, or if he just washed the same set over and over again. You grabbed a fresh pint of ice cream out of the freezer and grabbed one for him too without bothering to ask, knowing that if you gave him the option he would always say no.

You set his down on the coffee table in front of him before taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch from him, giving him a little space. He looked back and forth between you and the ice cream with a slightly confused expression.

“A thank you for scaring off Marco,” you said with a smile as you scooped out a spoonful of your own.

“It’s my job.”

You raised an eyebrow, “That is not in your job description. He is not a threat to my father’s way of life, or mine for that matter. Now just eat the damn ice cream before I add doesn’t eat dessert to my Nestor Notes.”

He let himself smile as he picked up the pint of ice cream, “Thank you,” he took a spoonful, “And for future reference, my favorite flavor is mint chip.”

Your eyes grew wide,  mostly because he actually offered up a piece of personal information, but also at the fact that that was his favorite flavor, “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever met someone with that as their favorite.”

“Now you have,” he nodded before reaching for the controller to turn the TV on.

You chuckled to yourself as you settled back against the couch, pulling your legs up underneath you. You looked over at Nestor, who was slightly hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees. He had the controller in one hand, scrolling through shows, and his ice cream in the other. For a man who didn’t like music while he was driving in the car, he certainly did seem to see eye-to-eye with you when it came to always having the television on in the house for a light layer of background noise. Most of the time neither of you were paying super close attention to what was on, but it was just nice to break up the silence. In that moment, though, both of you felt extremely present.

“I’m one hundred percent eating this whole thing tonight,” you laughed, “It’s counting as dinner and dessert.”

He chuckled, “Sounds good.”

“We can go grocery shopping tomorrow and get real food,” you smiled as you kept your eyes glued to the container in your hands, “I’ll make sure to get you some mint chip.”

He nodded, smiling despite the fact that he wasn’t looking over at you, “I’d appreciate that.”

[yandere-daydreams]

I love your writing so much! If requests are still open could you do a yandere Kirishima and Kaminari sharing a darling, please? Maybe they come home to their darling who’s managed to escape into the backyard and just sits there knowing they’ll be punished

I don’t usually pair these two up, but it’s to work with characters a little softer than my usual preferences. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go easier on their Darling, though, at least not in this one-shot.

Title: Bloodless Victory.

TW: Mentions of Physical Abuse, Delusional Mindsets, and Stolkholm Syndrome. 

~

Like all of the injuries your captors inflicted, this one felt worse than it looked.

You shouldn’t be surprised, honestly. Kirishima and Kaminari liked plenty of things about you, but neither was fond of blood and gristle and all the dirty, gristly messes their affection left behind when they were done with you. Kirishima would leave bruises, pressing his fingertips into your hips until your flesh was tender and soft underneath his hands, but he never broke the skin, he never did anything that would interrupt his fantasy of being your oh-so-benevolent caretaker. Kaminari didn’t pretend to be so altruistic, but he wasn’t any better when he pulled you into his lap and shots bolts of white, burning electricity into you until you were little more than a barely-conscious pile of muscle and bone draped on top of him, too tired and too sore to do anything but lie there and try not to notice when his hands began to wander. It hurt, but a few bruises and a patch of raw, reddened skin hardly looked like violence. They didn’t have to acknowledge it, not if they didn’t want to.

A traitorous, treacherous part of you wondered if they’d be kind enough to forget this, too, if they’d overlook the throbbing, icy pain of your submission and just be glad that you had surrendered, eventually. Immediately, you bit the side of your tongue and cursed yourself for daring to indulge the thought at all.

You curled into yourself, bringing your knees to your chest and letting your focus drift towards a new spot on the plain cement wall. Despite the lavishness of their apartment building, this room was barren, empty, little more than a conference table and a few plastic chairs, one of which you were currently tucked into. It was meant for staff, not the wealthy tenants they catered to, the same staff who’d herded you into your new prison when you emerged from the maintenance elevator, dazed and confused with rope-burns still visible on your wrists. You should’ve guessed that they’d been warned about the ‘vulnerable person’ living in their pent-house, and you should’ve known they’d believe the two Pro-Heroes with concerned smiles and enough spare income to rent out half the apartments in their building indefinitely. You only had yourself to blame for thinking otherwise.

In hindsight, you were forced to realize that, if you’d pushed, they probably would’ve called the police. If you cried and told them about the deadbolts and the chains and the abuse, they would’ve listened, done something to help you, gotten you away from your ‘boyfriends’ and taken you somewhere safe. They would’ve doubted you, sure, but you could’ve begged, screamed, explained. You could’ve said something. Anything would’ve been better than what you actually did - blinking and averting your eyes and nodding along until you were left alone to wallow in your own self-pity. If anything, you’d only reassured them that you were unstable, that you needed to be isolated and cared for.

So enveloped in your own thoughts, you almost didn’t notice when Kaminari came in, still dressed in his monochromatic get-up with a small, worried frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. His presence was unignorable, though, and as soon as you thought to lift your head, his arms were around you, pulling you to his chest before pushing you back, holding you out in front of him as he searched for cuts, scratches, evidence that something or someone else had come after you. He never really believed you didn’t want to be with him, he couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to. “Are you hurt?” He asked, hastily, speaking too quickly for you to answer. “Did something happen? You look like hell - you didn’t cause any trouble, did you? Oh, fuck, how did you get down here?”

You opened your mouth, ready to either soothe his nerves or lie through your teeth, but Kaminari was already being pulled away, hauled back by the collar. “Space, Denki, give ‘em space,” Kirishima said, only letting go of his companion when Kaminari huffed and crossed his arms, grudgingly submitting to Kirishima’s demands. His gaze never left you, though, hardened and strict, standing in harsh contradiction to Kaminari’s unveiled concern. Completely unconnected with the taut, gentle smile he was so adamant on wearing. “Hey there, sweetheart,” He greeted, his tone smooth and even, as if you’d crack and shatter the moment he dared to raise his voice. “You alright?”

This time, you bit the inside of your cheek. Your tongue was starting to hurt. “No.”

They both stiffened, but neither did anything, only exchanging a wordless glance before shifting forward. They barely moved, hardly even taking a full step, but instantly, you were cornered, caged in place by two bodies you could never hope to overpower in a fair fight. Kirishima was the one to break the silence, placing a hand on your shoulder as he spoke. Whether it was in sympathy or in warning, you couldn’t be sure. “Can I ask why, (Y/n)?”

“I don’t know,” You started, glaring at the tiled floor at their feet. “Maybe because I was kidnapped, held captive and tortured by people who said they loved me, and after all that, they still don’t know why I might be upset. Because I can’t get away from them, I can’t even get outside, and whenever I try to, they hover over me and ask ‘what’s wrong’ and ‘are you alright’ until I cry or scream or pass out and believe it or not, none of those things are a whole lot of fun for me.” You paused, forcing yourself to take a deep breath. You’d have time to be angry later on. Right now, you just wanted to get out of this goddamn room. “Or, it might be because I can’t even make myself escape. I don’t even know if I want to, anymore, and I’m beginning to hate myself for it.”

Neither made a sound. Kirishima’s grip tightened around you, Kaminari swallowed, but neither of them spoke. You almost wished they’d interrupt you.

“I’m broken,” You admitted, weakly. “I’m don’t have any money, I don’t know what you did with any of my IDs, and everyone I know thinks I’m in the perfect relationship with two great, amazing guys. I don’t have anywhere to go, and I don’t even know if I can make myself leave. I just... I want to go home, now.”

Again, a second passed in silence. You were beginning to think you’d have to repeat yourself when Kamilari broke into a wide, unforgiving smile.

Then, he laughed.

You were hauled off your seat in the blink of an eye, scooped into his arms and drawn against him, his face quickly buried in the crook of your neck and his remaining laughter soon muffled by your skin. Kirishima tensed, but he didn’t cut in, letting Kaminari have his fun, letting you suffer. As glad for the former as he was complacent in the latter. “Hear that?” He called, addressing his companion despite Kirishima not being the one pressed against him. “They love us, Eijiro. They want to stay! I was starting to think our baby would never come around, but you were right!” He sighed, straightening his back and pushing a light, hasty kiss into your forehead. “We’re going to be a big, happy family, just like you said. We can finally be happy.”

Kirishima didn’t laugh, but he grinned, a gesture that was almost worse when combined with how easily he slotted himself against your back, how guiltlessly he added himself to Kaminari’s bliss. His lips brushed against the nape of your neck, and he chose to let them linger. To ignore your attempts to lean away. “Things’ll be easier, now. You won’t have to struggle, and we won’t have to get rough,” He muttered, nuzzling against you. “This is good. You might not think so, but trust me, it’s a change for the better.”

You could’ve fought, clawed and bit and struggled until they dropped you and let you stand on your own, but your limbs felt heavy, your form dragged down and mercilessly weightless, at the same time. You were tired, and you were hungry, and…

And it wasn’t like you had anything to fight for, anyway.

You’d already given up your chance to run.

[deadlyanddelicate]

hey this may be a stupid question, but it's already been a long time since ive read trk so i don't remember everything properly, so can you explain to me why exactly ganseys behavior in the book is seen as problematic??

hey! don’t worry, there are no stupid questions in my book. in fairness, it’s not about gansey’s behaviour in trk, it’s about his behaviour throughout the whole series. most of his problematic actions all come down to the same basic flaw: self-centeredness. for all that gansey is a generous and loving person, he can’t help but make everything about himself. he is driven by anxiety to define his place in the world beyond his privilege, yet he is blinded by that very same privilege - a bad combination, and one that leads him to show very little empathy for the people he loves.

like many teenagers, he’s looking for affirmation from his friends... but then resents them for not giving it, while failing to see that (most of) his friends are dealing with traumatic issues. when his friends reject his input - because it is not what they need or want at the moment - gansey always, always takes it personally. at no point does he try to ask himself, okay, if this isn’t what my friends need, then what do they need from me and how can i be a better friend? instead, he goes straight into self-pity mode, complaining that his friends reject his support and walk away from him. thing is... it’s not real support if it only makes him feel better and not them.

i don’t really have the time to write an extensive meta on all of the interactions where gansey’s lack of empathy comes into play, but here’s a list of just the most glaring ones in the series, in no particular order:

gansey consistently tries to pay for adam’s way and persuade him to move in with him, even though adam has told him multiple times that he is uncomfortable with it because independence is key to his sense of self as an abuse survivor. sometimes he does this even when he’s fully aware that it will start a fight. despite that, adam is usually the one apologizing, at least on page

notably in trb there’s a scene where gansey tries to get adam to move in with him, but when adam asks what’s going to happen if gansey leaves henrietta - is adam just supposed to drop out of aglionby and follow him? - gansey doesn’t reassure him that’s not gonna happen. he just says adam will have to start again at a new school. 

as i said above, this is not true support because it helps gansey feel better without inconveniencing him, but it is not what adam wants. if gansey wanted to support adam, he’d at least promise he would stay in henrietta for their final year of high school, instead of expecting adam to follow him around the world.

when adam rejects that offer and says he’ll stay in the trailer park, gansey takes it incredibly personally and his first response is to victim-blame adam for his abuse, saying things like: “you let your dad pound the shit out of you. you’re as bad as [your abusive mother]. you think you deserve it.” when adam still refuses to move in, and tells him, rightfully so, that gansey doesn’t know what it’s like for him, gansey follows that up with “don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of”. this is past mean and straight into cruel.

adam is the one who apologizes after this fight. let that sink in.

when thinking back on ronan’s suicide attempt, it is strongly implied in the text - and was made explicit in deleted scenes - that gansey appears to have taken ronan’s suicide attempt not just as a traumatic event, but as a slight against him, and is always vaguely guilt-trippy when it comes up (i.e. you promised me you wouldn’t get suicidal again)

gansey does illegal things on ronan’s behalf, multiple times, without ever wondering if this is what ronan wants, see: bribing school officials to keep ronan in school when ronan explicitly wants to drop out, because staying in school is what gansey thinks he should do. even if gansey’s heart was in the right place (i believe in staying in school), he is essentially involving ronan in illegal dealings against his will.

gansey is happy to share his search for glendower with the others, and delegate tasks to them (adam especially) as long as they do things his way. when adam acts against one of his decisions, gansey is absolutely unable to let that go. and while i understand that he is hurt by the breach of trust, because adam went behind his back, his language is telling: “i did tell him that we were to wait, right?”. you don’t “tell” your friends what they “are to do”. that’s not an equal relationship. 

this is also seen in the way gansey acts with ronan in more of a parental role, actively ordering him about. you know there is a problem when an outside character refers to ronan as “gansey’s dog” and neither gansey nor ronan disagree with this.

there’s the infamous hospital scene in trb, too, which has been excellently analysed in this meta post by @bleachersmp3 and @mericatblackwood, but i’ll say a few words about it anyway

in this scene, adam has just been beaten into losing his hearing. he has just come out of the hospital, bruised and traumatised, and has been told he will now have a permanent disability as a result of his abuse. he is now also homeless, because by pressing charges against his father to protect ronan, he has ensured his parents will kick him out for good. so he is forced to move into monmouth - something we have been told from the start of the book he absolutely did not want, because it was critical to his sense of self not to depend on gansey’s wealth. so, he’s bitter about it.

and okay, that’s not entirely fair, because it wasn’t gansey’s fault. but if your friend had just undergone such horrific trauma, surely you would be a little lenient, and understand they’re not being objective atm, right? well, not gansey. instead, gansey launches into a tirade at him: “what is your problem, adam? [...] is there something about my place that’s too repugnant for you? [...] I’m sick of tiptoeing around your principles!”

when adam snaps at him that he’s being condescending by using highbrow words (we can assume that this is a discussion they’ve had before, because adam tries to get gansey to use more everyday words multiple times in the book, especially when it’s clear that blue doesn’t understand something, so it’s something gansey already know adam finds condescending), gansey goes straight to victim-blaming again, this time with a classist twist thrown in: “i’m sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. he was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive.”

gansey does not apologize at any point after this fight. 

when adam sacrifices himself to cabeswater - which he does explicitly to stop whelk from murdering one of them and save gansey - gansey takes it as a slight against him, because it goes against what he told adam to do, and sadly asks adam “why? was i so awful?”, showing he has completely misunderstood adam’s reasons. adam tells him, and not for the last time: “it was never about you”.

it clearly doesn’t sink in bc they have the same discussion in the dream thieves, when gansey again asks him why did he go to cabeswater against his orders. he does this in an emotionally manipulative way, too - implying that ronan and blue both think badly of him while gansey has been defending him so adam owes him. adam again tries to tell him “it wasn’t about you”, which gansey refuses to believe, and reminds adam that the glendower search “belongs” to him. adam replies that if gansey wants adam’s help - which gansey relies upon frequently, as it seems like adam is assigned a very large share of research and coming up with ideas - he needs to treat him as an equal

after the fight, when adam has a mental breakdown due to the combination of stress, ptsd, and magically-induced hallucinations, and is found wandering along a highway, clearly dissociating and undergoing amnesia, gansey is still so bitter about their fight that he contemplates leaving him behind in dc, so that “adam will have to apologize for once” (for once???)

consider all this emphasis gansey puts on how much adam betrayed his trust; consider that gansey then spends nearly two books seeing blue behind adam’s back (starting in tdt, through bllb, and halfway through trk)

consider that despite the fact adam takes the reveal gracefully and thanks gansey for his honesty, when adam later in trk is honest with gansey about his feelings for ronan, gansey’s immediate reaction is to assume adam is using ronan as a sexuality experiment and warns him not to break ronan’s heart, because ronan is just so fragile and adam is just so cold

consider that the only basis gansey has for making this assumption is that “adam has hurt him (gansey) so many times before”, but never stops to think about his own responsibility in their disagreements, or whether he ever hurt adam 

as you can see, the vast majority of these are in the first two books, with the exception of the “shovel talk” in trk. i would like to say gansey grows over the series, but i think unfortunately it’s more to do with the fact that starting with bllb, the plot is split between gansey/blue and adam/ronan, so gansey just doesn’t get as many interactions with adam and ronan (he’s still bribing school officials on ronan’s behalf though, including selling monmouth which at the time is where ronan is also living). 

gansey isn’t a bad person, and doesn’t (always) mean badly. he does love his friends. unfortunately, his refusal to see things from anyone’s perspective but his own makes him a toxic friend on a great number of occasions.

[uomo-accattivante]

Great comprehensive interview with Elvira on the making of The Letter Room and filmmaking, in general. One interesting tidbit mentioned: she is currently developing a podcast about sex. 👀🤔

For most of her creative life, Elvira Lind has been behind the the lens compassionately capturing true stories as a documentary filmmaker. Her debut feature, Songs for Alexis, observes two young lovebirds navigating a long distance relationship and challenging views on gender identity in the modern age. While her sophomore feature, Bobbi Jenne, explores the life of a famous dancer fighting for her own creative and personal independence.

Despite her prolific doc work, a story that couldn't simply be told in its raw form kept circulating in her head: a dark prison comedy about the secret life of a correctional officer trying to bring humanity to the prison system. When he gets transferred to a job in the letter room, he finds himself a little too involved in the private lives of the inmates.

Far along in her second pregnancy, and with the support of an incredible team of collaborators, Elvira took on the challenge of writing and directing her first narrative short, "The Letter Room." The film stars Oscar Isaac and Alia Shawkat, and has had an all-star festival run, screening at Telluride, Tribeca, and the Palm Springs International Film Festival. Here, Elvira reflects on the joys and challenges of creating your first short film—putting empathy first, reshaping the tropes around pregnancy, and screening in the COVID era.

FTW: How did you become a filmmaker?

Elvira Lind: I’ve always loved film. I was very drawn to documentaries because it felt like you were entering something that was really happening. You opened a door and were already inside the film. You’re just trying to keep up with what’s being thrown at you. As opposed to fiction where you have to conjure it up from nowhere. I loved imagining and writing stories when I was little, but I didn’t have the confidence to pursue it.

I didn’t come from a family of filmmakers. And I came from a time when people had a little shitty camcorder that you borrowed from someone’s uncle, and buying film was expensive. Things opened up and changed a lot when cameras became more accessible.

I could only afford one year of film school in Cape Town, where I met some amazing people and learned about so many different ways of storytelling. I came back to Denmark and found myself working for free a lot for other filmmakers while doing a side job. The paid work was very hard to get, but I’d rather work for free with filmmakers that I loved and have more responsibilities than have access to nothing. It wasn’t easy to find my way in, but it’s so worth it. 

And now you live in New York. How does this global background affect your general filmmaking style and approach?

I definitely bring a lot of Danish documentary traditions with me and hold it very dear. There are a lot of kick ass female documentary filmmakers in Denmark that have taught me a lot. There’s a good support system for women there. It’s an incredibly privileged place in that there’s funding from the government to make films. You can make things that, in my opinion, are often far more interesting because it’s not reliant on how it’s going to make money in the box office.

You’ve shot many of your documentaries in the past. So what was it like this time to be working with a cinematographer?

I always wanted to work with a cinematographer on my documentaries; we just couldn’t afford it. Now for “The Letter Room”, I worked with Sam Chase, who has got such a brilliant eye and it was wonderful to have someone to work with on composing the look of the film because I’m usually doing it by myself. It is kind of like a marriage. I work with the same editor on all my projects as well. You enter this symbiotic sort of dance together. For me, it also means you have to fight about things and disagree and then make up and hear each other out. My editor, Adam Nielsen, is the kind of guy who just comes up with genius ideas while in the shower or on the way home from work on his bicycle. You have to find these key people in your life where you can bounce ideas back and forth with.

Where did the idea for “The Letter Room” come from?

It was a story that was brewing in my head for a long time, but I wasn’t sure how to put a narrative film together. I just started to write it down and then it kept developing.

There was a podcast that I listened to that really inspired me. It told the story of different men who were all unknowingly writing love letters to the same woman. She started to ask for money and help with rent, but the letters she wrote were so wonderful and all these men were very in love with her. These very lonely men felt like magic had entered their lives. They all eventually found out that the woman was actually a man writing to different people trying to get their money. They were all heartbroken, but one of the men said that the worst part was losing these letters and that the fantasy was gone. He wished they could just keep writing to each other. So much of life is fantasy and trying to live through other people’s lives. I’m very drawn to stories of loneliness and bottled up feelings.

And then I am firmly against the American prison system. It’s heartbreaking, frustrating, and I can’t make sense of it. How do you even begin to explain this system to a child?

It’s a society that doesn’t care about humanity. I wanted to show the monotony, the repetition, the sadness. I don’t see the bigger goal or purpose of locking people away for countless years  and taking away all the things that makes you feel human, that makes life joyous. I really believe that we can all change and this system teaches people nothing. “The Letter Room'' is the combination of these two concepts that I’m very passionate about.

And then I got pregnant for the second time and I hadn’t made a film between the two. It was a crazy feeling to be taken over again by pregnancy. A wonderful friend of mine, Sofia Sondervan-Bild, came to me and said, “I think you should make this film and I’ll make it with you.” Initially, I freaked out and thought I didn’t know how to do fiction and doubted how I could make a film in a prison, but she inspired me and told me to do it. She’s just one of these incredibly powerful people that you want to go on an adventure with. She made me feel like my pregnancy wasn’t going to stand in the way of me making this film. We ended up shooting while I was far along in my pregnancy in a prison in the middle of a summer heat wave. It was crazy, but it was the best thing that I could’ve done at the time.

When you were directing on set at that stage of pregnancy, did you feel like you were reshaping tropes of what women are capable of? 

It was insane. The funny thing was that the crew was like, “we can’t complain that we are tired because she is extremely pregnant and still running around.” I was so high off of that experience. When we finished, I collapsed. I fell straight onto the couch and then I have a two and a half year old screaming my name. That was more work for me than directing the short. I edited the film right before I gave birth actually, and then I gave birth and did sound right after. I was pumping breast milk in the corner in the darkness during the sound edit.

I’ve learned a lot from surpassing whatever I thought was physically possible with being pregnant. I learned that being in a creative process gives you so much energy that it allows you to be in whatever shape, size, form, mental space you can. People are ready to give you their support, if you choose the right people. I’m really grateful that I chose such wonderful collaborators who supported me through it all. Even when people were questioning my choice to direct a film while being pregnant in a prison. Why not? Women get pregnant and then we still need to be supported so that we can continue to make the things we want to do.

What was your experience with getting “The Letter Room” funded?

It’s really hard, let’s be honest. There aren’t a lot of people sitting around waiting to fund a short film. We ended up working with Topic, which is a part of First Look Media. They are just incredible and really support filmmakers with whatever their vision is. I’ve had great experiences and some really bad experiences with funding, so I know this was an ideal scenario.

Having a short that is over 30 minutes long seems like a feat. At what stage in the process did you know this was going to be a longer piece? And how did that decision affect the shoot in both positive and difficult ways?

It was way too long at first, and when I shortened it, it was still 32 minutes. We could only afford five days of shooting, and a lot of it is shot on active prison grounds, which have an insane amount of protocol. We almost used everything we shot.

I’m not used to being able to have different angles to choose from in my doc work, so I think I just knew exactly what I wanted. I know that my producers were worried that I wasn’t getting enough, but to me, I was like, I’m getting double of what I usually get on a documentary! Everyone was quietly concerned, but everything worked out when we got to the edit.

The short’s length hasn’t done any favors for me so far, but you need to breathe as an audience, you need to pace it out. If I cut out certain minutes, it would’ve felt rushed and you wouldn’t have believed the arcs that the characters had.

I loved the concept of placing a very empathetic character in a setting that is contrary to that personality type. You included so many details that made the world feel so three dimensional and cared for. Can you talk about those decisions to create that feeling?

It means so much to me that it made you feel that way. What frustrates me about the prison system is that it lacks any empathy or understanding of human nature and nurture and who we are. What we need to become better people. It takes all of that away.

I spoke to people who have spent a lot of time in prison and they told me that you have to hide your feelings and that showing any signs of weakness will be a disaster. It’s the worst possible scenario you can imagine yourself in. Being robbed of every privacy, anything that makes you happy, anything that makes you feel like yourself. I imagined the character of a caregiver in this setting who wants to help and finds a silly way to do so. I was very inspired by that story of the love letters that I talked about earlier. What does it mean to lie if you’re making someone else happy?

It’s the morning of your first day of the shoot — how do you feel?

I was very nervous. I had never said ��action’ before. I’ve been on a lot of sets, but I didn’t want to seem like I didn’t know what I was doing, but it’s also okay not to know. Mistakes are going to happen, and sometimes they become gifts. At the same time, I was very excited. You come in and there are all these people there with you who are there to make this thing you’ve written come to life.

What are some things you would do on set to create a safe space and vulnerable environment?

We did everything we could to make the set a safe space. It was very difficult and stressful to shoot in an active prison, but we made sure to actively ask our crew if everyone’s feeling okay and if we can do anything to make the situation better. I’m very vulnerable and encourage all of my crew to be vulnerable with me. Mistakes are welcome.

It's a short film, people come and work on this not because they’re making a million dollars, but because they want to be there and are being incredibly generous with their time and energy. It was such a good environment that even when challenging things came up, it was still a lot of fun.

What was it like working with actors for the first time?

That was one of the biggest challenges for me. I’ve heard so many different stories in passing of the least helpful note or worst thing to say to an actor. You want to be respectful and actors have their way of working. Ultimately, they are all really talented actors and all of them came with so much energy and a lot of ideas.

I spent time with each of them talking about their character. Those 1 on 1 conversations helped me a lot in the writing process as well because you’re bouncing ideas off of each other and they’re asking you questions about how they would respond to a certain situation.

I had always imagined Alia Shawkat as Rosita and she ended up wanting to do it and came from LA to film it. I had tears in my eyes when we were filming the scene of her and Oscar. They were excited to do the scene together. It was all a dream.

What was the experience of working creatively alongside your partner like?

We were joking a lot about it before because there was already the stress of being so pregnant and we have a 2 year old at home, and now I was putting us in another highly intense and demanding situation. Either it was going to be great OR we would drive each other nuts. But we had so much fun. It was wonderful to work together. I was so happy to be on set and make my film and he’s just so talented and fun to be around. Those little moments where you know each other so well—I’d give him notes and he just kept surprising me and was so respectful of my directions.

He found this photo for him to connect to the character and it became very fundamental to me. It was this incredible black and white photo from the 70s of a prison guard. I had always imagined that he would have this inner salsa soundtrack playing in his soul and we would play Rubén Blades and 70s salsa music and Oscar just morphed that into music into everything and created this unique character. 

And he was wearing a fat suit the entire shoot and I was pregnant and Alia Shawkat had her pregnant belly on. The three of us—it was so funny.

It seems like the perfect first experience of going into narrative with people that you really trust and support you.

Definitely! Find the people that you can team up with that really believe in your vision and who will push you to do exactly what you had in mind. People who never try to push you into these conventional routes. Our creative voices are so fragile. You want to be on the same page so that they see what you’re trying to do and want to bring that out of you. Where they’re treating your film as a sacred thing that you’re creating together.

How do you know when a film is done?

Fiction is very different from documentaries. With documentaries, it never feels like it’s done because there are so many options. That’s also why I love fiction so much; It’s so much faster. It’s a whole different beast to tame a documentary with hundreds of hours of footage where you’re reinventing the wheel every day.

How have you built up your own confidence as a director and your unique voice?

Stubbornness. I’ve had many experiences working with people who didn’t believe in my project. You have to stick to your guns and trust your instincts. Once you find your voice, you find people that want to go on that ride with you and find your vision interesting. It’s a miracle when any of us gets a project made, so your confidence can’t come from how much money your movie made. It has to come from somewhere else. Did you do justice to the people you portrayed in your story? Did anyone walk away feeling like something had changed within them?

What is a good director to you?

Someone who is driven with passion without letting that passion take over and become any source of frustration that’s taken out on other people. It should feel like a collaborative effort. And having gratitude every day that you’re making something with other people who are donating their time. You’d be nowhere without them. One of the most important things is making sure that your crew is treating everyone equally. It depends on the size of the production, but having someone who can sense what’s happening in all different departments and having department heads that are there to protect everyone. Listen to each other, and make sure everyone feels safe and is in the best place to be creative.

With COVID, what has the adjustment been like to being in an online space for this festival run? 

I’m really deeply saddened by not having the human interaction aspect of it. It feels so crucial to be in the room together, to meet and see each other's projects and share the experience, to cry and laugh next to people you don’t know. I’m grieving to be honest. We just gotta get through this time. It reminds us of how sacred it is for us to gather and how that feels, and I hope that all of that will come back after this and that cinemas will survive. We really need them.

What’s next for you?

Right now I’m writing more fiction and working on a new documentary feature that I am kind of researching and shooting at the same time. I am also creating a podcast about sex, called “The List” with my friend, writer and photographer Kirra Cheers, based on a book and play she wrote. My husband and I just started a production company together, Mad Gene Media, in order to develop and produce our own material. So. lots of exciting things to continue with in the new year.

Born in 1981 in Copenhagen, Elvira Lind graduated from School of Media and Creative Arts in Cape Town in 2006 majoring in documentary film where she received two awards for her final year achievements. She has worked within that field since directing and shooting documentaries of various lengths for TV, cinema and web on 4 different continents.​In 2020 she premiered her first fiction project, a 32 min short film she wrote and directed. The film was sold to Topic and was invited to various festivals including Telluride and Tribeca FF. Elvira's feature doc BOBBI JENE premiered at Tribeca Film Festival in 2017 where it won all awards in its category including Best Feature documentary, best editing and best Cinematography. The film had theatrical release in US, Spain and Scandinavia.​Elvira's first documentary feature Songs for Alexis premiered at Toronto HOT DOCS in 2014 and screened and competed at a long list of international festivals. Her 8 part documentary TV series "Twiz and Tuck" was bought by VICELAND and launched in 2017. Elvira now lives and works out of New York.

###

[jensengirl83]

Unsung Verses Chapter 9

Rockstar!Dean x plus sized reader

Word Count- 3364

Summary-Y/N and Dean have been best friends since high school, in a band together, and dated for a year but decided they were better off friends. They play gig after gig trying to get discovered, but once they sign a record deal, will fame be all it’s cracked up to be? Or will it be too much for their relationship to handle? Join them on their adventure to fame and find out!

Warnings-  Angst, Fluff, Language

A/N- Song in this chapter is “Please Forgive Me” by Bryan Adams

Lyrics will be in italics.

Thank you to @deanwanddamons​ for being my beta for this series!

Text dividers made by @firefly-graphics​

Series Masterlist

Series Spotify Playlist

The playlist is a big part of the series!

Dean was sitting on the couch, nursing a beer and staring at his watch. Y/N had taken a cab from the recording studio, saying she needed some time alone, and she hadn’t come home yet. He had called and texted her numerous times, but she wasn’t answering her phone. He was beginning to worry and was tempted to go out and look for her, but he knew that would just piss her off even more, so he decided to wait for her. 

He knew he shouldn’t have said what he had, but he was frustrated and let it get to him. Dean didn’t understand what she was so upset about, not used to her overreacting as she did. Y/N was usually the level-headed one of the two, and her outburst today was out of character for her. His thoughts were cut short by his phone ringing. He dove for it, hoping to see her face on his screen, but it was Sam calling. 

“Yeah?” he answered, the annoyance clear in his tone. 

“So, I take it she hasn’t made it home?” his brother’s voice boomed in his ear. 

“No, and she won’t answer her phone either. This isn’t like her, Sam,” he sighed. 

“I know, man, but all you can do is wait and talk to her when she shows up,” Sam’s advice wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

“I’m just supposed to sit here and worry about her all night?! She knows better than this shit!” Dean shouted, his frustration growing the longer he waited for her. 

“She’s a grown woman, Dean. She doesn’t have a curfew, and I’m pretty damn sure she would have your ass for even thinking that you can tell her what to do,” his little brother told him. 

“I’m not trying to tell her what she can and can’t do. I feel like I at least deserve a call letting me know she isn’t dead somewhere!” he complained. 

“I get it, dude, but there’s nothing you can do. When she does come home, I wouldn’t start on her as soon as she walks in the door, either. It won’t end well,” Sam advised him. 

“I think I know her better than you do!” Dean growled, getting mad at Sam for thinking he knew Y/N better than he did. 

“Do you?” Sam asked, sarcasm thick in his tone. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean quipped. 

“If you know her so well, then you would understand why she was so upset earlier. Lisa was doing everything short of grabbing you by the junk, man, and you did nothing to shut it down,” 

“She was not! There was nothing to shut down,” Dean groaned. He had heard the same thing from Y/N and didn’t want to hear it from his brother too. 

“Whatever you say, Dean. I’m just trying to tell you what has made her so mad. If you don’t want to listen, I can’t make you,” Sam huffed. 

“Even if Lisa was hitting on me, Y/N should know how I feel about her and that I would never hurt her,” he said, trying to replay the day in his head, not wanting to believe they could be right. 

“I’m sure she knows you love her, but if it was reversed, and some dude was hitting on her right in front of you, and she didn’t say or do anything about it, how would you feel?”

Dean didn’t answer his brother right away. He had to admit that he would’ve been pretty upset if some guy had been hitting on Y/N, but he didn’t think Lisa had been flirting. If he had honestly thought she was making an advance on him, he would’ve shut her down. He opened his mouth to speak, but heard keys rattling in the lock. 

“She’s home. Gotta go,” he hung up and waited for her to walk through the door. 

His eyes stayed on her once she was in the apartment. He sat quietly as she took off her shoes and hung up her purse, walking past him to their room and shutting the door without a word. He groaned with frustration, throwing his head back on the couch, knowing this wasn’t good news. She was still upset, and he knew she should leave her alone until she calmed down. The alcohol flowing through his system didn’t help him to make the right decision. 

“Where’ve you been?” he asked as soon as he had the bedroom door open. 

“What? No hi honey? We’re going straight to the inquisition?” she asked sarcastically. 

“Where were you?” he repeated his question. 

“If you must know, I went to the beach and walked along the pier for a while,” she said, walking past him and into the en suite. 

“And you couldn’t answer your phone?” he was getting angry now. 

“I turned it off,” 

“What?! What if someone had needed to get in touch with you? What if there had been an emergency?!” he was almost shouting, throwing his hands around. 

“How many beers have you had?” she asked bluntly. 

“For your information, this is only my second one,” he huffed. 

“How much whiskey before that?” 

“This isn’t about how much I’ve had to drink! This is about you disappearing for hours while I sat here and worried myself sick!” he yelled. 

She stared at him for a few minutes, trying to decide if she should engage in the argument he was trying to have. She was still upset, which wouldn’t end well with the attitude they both had. She was tired, frustrated, and hurt. Never a good combination when you need to have a serious conversation. 

“Dean..” she sighed, but he interrupted her. 

“No, we’re having this conversation, Y/N. I deserve to know where my girlfriend has been for the past four hours!” his voice rising in pitch with anger. 

“Well, I deserve a boyfriend who won’t let a woman crawl up his ass right in front of me! We can’t always get what we want, now can we?” she spewed back, her voice laced with venom. 

“Really?! You’re going there?” he growled. 

“Yes, I’m going there! That’s the reason I left and needed time to myself!” she shouted, trying to hold in the tears that wanted to fall. 

“Well, you had plenty of you time today, sweetheart,” he smarted, causing her to glare at him. 

“Obviously not enough!” she bellowed, shoving past him and grabbing her pajamas and pillow from the bed. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, grabbing her arm to stop her as she tried to leave the room. 

“I’m sleeping in the guest room, and if you come in there, I’ll go get a motel room. Now, let go of me!” she yelled, yanking her arm from his grasp, stomping to the guest room, and slamming the door. 

“Son of a bitch!” he screamed, punching the bedroom wall, causing some plaster to crack and fall to the floor, taking some of the skin on his knuckles with it. 

He hadn’t wanted to fight with her, but once he had seen her come in, his anger got the best of him. The alcohol hadn’t helped the situation, but she should’ve at least texted to let him know she was okay. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

 Looking down at his busted knuckles, he sighed, walking into the bathroom to clean them up and get ready for bed. There was nothing else he could do tonight, and he didn’t want to make it worse by trying to talk to her again. He had already done enough for one night, and they both needed the time to cool off anyway. 

The sound of the front door closing roused Dean out of his slumber. He looked at the clock to see it was still early, and he had no idea who would be coming over at this time of the morning. He yawned and stretched, throwing his legs over the side of the bed, standing to go see who was rudely interrupting his sleep. 

Once he rounded the corner into the living room and kitchen area, he was confused. There wasn’t anyone there, and everything was silent. The smell of coffee invaded his senses, turning to see the full pot waiting for him. Y/N must have been up and the one who had shut the door. He spun on his heels to go back to bed when he saw a note on the kitchen island. 

Dean,

I didn’t want to wake you, but I’m going home. We have the next week off from recording, and I think it’s best if I’m not here. I can’t keep fighting with you. This break may be what we need to fix us or let us know that we can’t make it work. Take care of yourself while I’m gone. I love you. 

He froze in panic. She was ready to give up on them, and he couldn’t let that happen. If he hurried, he should be able to catch her at the airport and ask her to come back home. He didn’t want to fly back to Kansas, but if he couldn’t see her before she boarded, he had no other choice. He wasn’t going to let her go back thinking that they could be over. 

In a flurry of activity, he was dressed and out of the door. He was determined to get to her before she got on a plane, and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him. He broke speed limits and numerous traffic laws getting there, pulling into the drop-off line right behind a cab. He was out and running for the door when he heard his name. 

“Dean?!”

It was Y/N. She had stepped out of the cab that he had parked behind. He sprinted over to her, pulling her to the side, trying to catch his breath. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked. 

“I had to catch you before you left,” he panted, still out of breath. 

“Dean, we need a break. Last night proved that,” she whispered. 

“No, Freddie, I need you home with me. I’m sorry how I acted last night. I had too much to drink, and I was out of line. Please come home so we can talk,” he pleaded, praying she would listen. 

“I don’t know. We argued twice in one day, and I can’t keep fighting with you,” she sighed, “This was supposed to be a happy time for us, and it’s been shit so far,” 

“I know, sweetheart, and I’m sorry! Come back with me, and I promise we’ll talk it out. No more of me being an ass,” he smirked, seeing her trying to fight a smile. 

“You’re always an ass, Dean,” she chuckled. 

“I am, and you can call me worse than that if you don’t leave. Please, Freddie?” he begged. 

He could see her trying to sense if he was being honest, and he hoped she could see he meant every word. The thought of being without her had put things into perspective, and he was willing to do whatever she needed to make her stay. 

“Fine, but the fighting has to slow down. I know we will have disagreements, I’m not naive, but the shouting matches have to end. I refuse to repeat my parent’s relationship,” she choked, tears starting to brim in her eyes. 

“I promise, sweetheart! I drank too much last night and let my temper get the best of me, but it won’t happen again!” he declared, pulling her into a hug and kissing her head, “Now, can we go home? I need coffee,” 

“I made you coffee..” she looked up at him in confusion. 

“I saw your note, and I hightailed it out of there. I didn’t stop to drink it,” he admitted sheepishly. 

“Well, let’s go get you some caffeine,” she laughed, “Lord knows how you are without it,” 

“See, there’s my girl. You know me too well!” he smiled, kissing her softly before guiding her over to Baby, and putting her luggage in the trunk. 

“I do know you fairly well, huh?” she giggled. 

“Fairly well? Sweetheart, you know me better than I know myself!” he exclaimed. 

She was going to say that she obviously didn’t. Considering how he had acted last night, she wouldn’t have seen that coming but decided against it. If he was willing to try and do better, then she needed to do the same. She hadn’t been entirely innocent in their arguments yesterday, but she let her emotions overtake her. Her insecurities had made her upset with Dean when he hadn’t done anything wrong, in all fairness. He should’ve noticed that Lisa was throwing herself at him, but she can’t fault him if he honestly didn’t see it. She would give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but after they talk, he had to keep his eyes open to Lisa and her antics. 

Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed that he had started the engine and they were pulling away from the curb. His fingers entwining with hers was what drew her out of her head, looking over to see his smile. She returned it as the butterflies erupted, and her heart skipped a beat. No matter how long she had known him, she couldn’t get past his exquisite face. It still made her wonder what a man like him would ever want with someone like her, but she couldn’t complain. When it came to lovers, Y/N had won the lottery, and she knew it. 

She kept the smile on her face, leaning her head back against the seat, listening to Dean sing softly to the song playing in the car. She could get lost in his voice and never want to be found. The richness and gravelly tone was comforting, but yet so sexy. 

As she was drifting away with the music, a gentle squeeze on her hand made her open her eyes and look at him. He glanced over to her and winked before focusing back on the highway. She sighed in happiness as she closed her eyes yet again, letting his voice lull her to sleep as they drove back home. 

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open, and she began glancing around the room. She had decided to nap when they had gotten home from the airport, not having slept well the night before. What she hadn’t intended was to sleep the day away. She could tell by the lack of light in the room that it was up into the evening hours. 

She groaned as she rolled out of bed, grabbing her robe, and making her way to the kitchen. After a nap like that, she needed caffeine and a lot of it, deciding on a cup of coffee. She didn’t care what time it was. As she was about to round the corner, she heard Dean singing softly.

She stayed hidden in the hallway, peeking around to watch him. He was writing a song. His guitar propped up in his lap, a cap on backward, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, and his tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. She had to stifle a giggle at how adorable he looked. She continued to watch as he strummed his guitar in between writing down lyrics, the need for coffee eventually winning out. 

“Whatcha doing?” she asked sweetly, walking over to the coffee pot and starting it. 

“Hey, babe. I got an idea for a song while you were asleep. So, I was working out the melody,” he smiled at her. 

“Oh yeah? Any chance I can hear it?” she grinned. 

“I don’t know..” he whispered shyly. 

“Dean Winchester, are you being shy with me?” she chuckled. 

“Shut up,” he groaned, making her laugh. 

“Come on, can I hear it? Please?” she pleaded, sticking her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. 

“Fine, but don’t laugh,” he grumbled. 

“Why would I laugh?” she asked seriously. 

“It’s really sappy,” he said, turning his face away from her to try and hide his embarrassment. 

“Aww, what inspired you to write something like that?” she smiled, sitting down beside him on the couch, coffee in her hands. 

“You,” he said, looking her in the eyes, no hint of joking in his tone. 

“Now I have to hear it!” she exclaimed excitedly. 

“Okay, but let me get it all out before you say anything,” he sighed. 

“I will, promise,” she nudged his shoulder, making them both laugh. 

It still feels like our first night together

Feels like the first kiss

It's getting better baby

No one can better this

Still holding on

You're still the one

First time our eyes met

Same feeling I get

Only feels much stronger

I want to love you longer

You still turn the fire on

Y/N sat in silence as he sang. The lyrics and the emotional way he was singing were bringing her to tears. He hadn’t written a song like this since they were teenagers, or not that she had heard. 

So if you're feeling lonely, don't

You're the only one I'll ever want

I only want to make it good

So if I love you, a little more than I should

Please forgive me. I know not what I do

Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you

Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through

Please forgive me, if I need you like I do

Please believe me. Every word I say is true

Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you

The one thing I'm sure of

Is the way we make love

The one thing I depend on

Is for us to stay strong

With every word and every breath I'm praying

That's why I'm saying,

Please forgive me. I know not what I do

Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you

Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through

Please forgive me, if I need you like I do

Babe believe it, every word I say is true

Please forgive me, if I can't stop loving you

No, believe me, I don't know what I do

Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you

I can't stop, loving you

 He ended the song and put down the guitar, looking over to see tears falling onto her cheeks. He reached over to cup her face in his hands, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. He didn’t want to make her cry, and that’s why he hadn’t wanted to play it for her yet. 

“Dean..” she whispered, not sure what to say. 

“I told you it was sappy. It was something that came to me while I was thinking about you,” he smiled, “It’s not that great, but..” 

“It’s beautiful!” she interrupted him. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, it’s..it’s..I’ve never heard a song so beautiful!” she cried, her bottom lip quivering. 

“Aww, Freddie, don’t cry,” he laughed, pulling her into a hug. 

“I can’t believe you wrote that about me,” she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder as he held her tight. 

“Why not? You know I’m crazy about you, sweetheart. It’s not a secret,” he chuckled. 

“I know, but that was incredible!” she sniffled. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I know I was out of line last night, and I deserved everything you said,” 

“Dean, don’t. We were both at fault. We need to put it behind us and move on. We can’t move forward if we dwell in the past,” 

“Okay, nothing but forward from here,” he said, kissing her lightly on the lips. 

“Only forward,” she agreed. 

She curled up into this side, wrapping her arms around his middle. They sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company and the affection they were showing each other. The light kisses and roaming hands eventually led them to their bedroom, where they spent the night in each other’s arms. Both showed the other just how much they loved them and made promises that would hopefully go unbroken. If only they could see what the future was going to hold for them.

@flamencodiva​​​ @foxyjwls007​​ @waywardbeanie​​ @emoryhemsworth​​ @valsworldofcreativity​ @hardcoresupernatural​​ @msmarvelouswinchester​ @lyarr24​ @anaelsbrunette​ @akshi8278​ @halesandy​ @miss-nerd95​ @ellewritesfix05​ @winchest09​ @defenderrosetyler​ @hobby27​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​  @deanwanddamons​ @atc74​ @superfanficnatural​  @supernatural-love14​ @vicmc624​ @squirrelnotsam​ @tatted-trina6​ @xhannahbananax03​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @nihilismworld​ @mrsfox79​ @malfoysqueen14​ @moron225​ @deans-baby-momma​ @lovelyrocker​ @fablesrose​ @queenofchaos7​ @maralisa124​ @deangirl93​ @aimee-ginge​ @anathewierdo3467​ @donnaintx​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @itsdesiree86​ @kyjey​ @roxytheimmortal​ @briagallen​ @aubageddon91​ @lunarmoon8​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @stoneyggirl​ @kitkatd7​ @wonder-cole​ @brilovesdeanwinchester​ @allonsy-yesiwill​  @krazykelly​ @440mxs-wife​ @rebelemilu​ @sarahbaker2010​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @tyferbebe​ @metalfangirl​ @vanessa27xoxo​ @mishacollins4evah​  @redbarn1995​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @izzathequeen​ @heavensangel45135​  @entersand-man​  @michellethetvaddict​​ @supraveng​

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in June

Now I think I’m comfortably in a rhythm to get these posts out. For one, I’m writing up short reviews either straight after watching a movie or sometimes it might take a few days. But June was a fairly good month in terms of the amount of films I watched. I got to go to the cinema quite a bit which is always fun. Anyway, let’s get on with it! If you’re looking for something good to watch (or maybe even something bad), I hope this list can help in some way to introduce you to new and different movies that maybe you’ve never heard of, or were thinking of checking out. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 30th of June 2021.

Bo Burnham: Inside (2021) - 10/10 Everyone was going off about how great this film is. An hour and a half of Bo Burnham in lockdown, singing songs and being upset is definitely a powerful hook and I have to agree with the general consensus because Inside blew me away. More thoughts on this in my podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon episode 34.

Bo Burnham: Make Happy (2016) - 7/10 After watching Inside, I figured I’d rewatch some of Burnham’s older stand-up shows on Netflix. Make Happy is a lot of fun, injected with a lot of introspection from Burnham that really makes the special stand out, despite a lot of gags that just didn’t land for me.

Bo Burnham: What. (2013) - 6/10 It’s plain to see just how much Bo Burnham has grown over the years and how he has honed his comedy and music. ‘What.’ is a good stepping stone in the comedian’s career, showcasing loads of promise in him from a young age. There are some jokes that haven’t aged as well and some that straight up dragged, but overall the show is still enjoyable.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) - 3/10 Packed theatre for this one, obviously. People love a Conjuring movie, and I’d also say people love a good scare… but this movie isn’t scary, or good for that matter. More thoughts on episode 35 of the podcast.

The Conjuring (2013) - 6/10 After the horrendously disappointing debacle that was the third Conjuring movie, I decided to watch James Wan’s original movie and man, if this wasn’t better in literally every way. I don’t tend to love James Wan movies but I can’t deny he’s got so much talent in how he makes movies and it makes The Conjuring a lot more fun to see competent filmmaking in the horror genre in a way that actually creates an eerie atmosphere with creative uses of camera-work and editing.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - 8/10 Normally I’m not big into the old slasher movies. I appreciate that for the time, perhaps they hit differently, but now I just don’t tend to connect with them. Wes Craven’s ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ is a bit of an exception. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not particularly scary, though it does employ a lot of interesting techniques and designs. Undeniably, the design for Fred Krueger is a staple in cinema, with the striped jumper, hat, scarred face and knives for fingers not leaving the mind of the general public any time soon. Elm Street doesn’t have too many kills but when it does, it is so effective and fun to watch. Craven was one of the greats, truly.

One Cut of the Dead (2017) - 8/10 This has to be one of the most engaging zombie movies I’ve seen in a long time. There’s a lot to spoil with One Cut of The Dead but I won’t go into that here. It is clever and funny, subverting expectations in ways I really didn’t expect. I really cannot recommend it enough.

Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - 8/10 Since we’re watching Chappelle's Show for episode 45 of the podcast, I wanted to get an idea for what I was in for, so I watched Dave Chappelle’s stand-up show from a couple of years ago. Yeah, really funny, which I suppose is what you want from a stand-up special, but what makes it better is Chappelle’s commentary on the world at large and how he’s able to combine humour with intelligent criticism.

Fear(s) of the Dark (2008) - 4/10 A few years ago I think I watched this animated black and white anthology film on a New Year's Day when I had foolishly decided to pull an all-nighter and then go out with mates for ice cream. Never again. But I’d forgotten what I thought of this movie and decided to get the DVD for cheap on eBay. Perhaps I am doomed to watch Fear(s) of the Dark only when I am tired because I popped this on when it was nearing midnight. I was lucid enough to understand what I was watching though… and it was quite boring. These short films emulate the filmmakers’ nightmares - an interesting premise in theory, but pretty weak on execution.

The Bourne Identity (2002) - 3/10 We marathoned the first three Bourne movies for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, episode 36 so check that out for my expanded thoughts on this, the best Bourne of the three.

The Bourne Supremacy (2004) - 2/10 Immediately after, we did the deep dive into Supremacy, the second Bourne and the worst of the three (albeit by a very slim margin). Check out episode 36 for more.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - 2/10 I really couldn’t care less about these terrible movies. It was a horrible chore to sit through them. Ultimatum was also rubbish. More gripes and discussion in episode 36 of the podcast.

The Father (2021) - 10/10 Another trip to the cinema for this masterpiece. I tried very hard not to sob loudly in the theatre where aside from myself, the audience totalled three people. More discussion of The Father in episode 36 the podcast.

Drag Me To Hell (2009) - 2/10 I’m pretty shocked that Sam Raimi directed this. Usually when I watch one of his films, I can see his staple of fun gore, practical effects, crazy camera movements… but there was none of that here. It just felt like a really bad horror, indistinguishable from the regular affair, with no personality or passion. Drag Me To Hell might even have been one of those movies I’d avoided in the past when I was younger because it seemed too scary but no, it was just boring and bad and I feel like there’s something I’m not getting out of this that other people seem to be.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) - 8/10 At this point, I feel I have to admit Wes Anderson as perhaps my second favourite director. His movies are just so nice and beautiful to watch. Moonrise Kingdom is a quirky love story between two kids and honestly, with any other director, could have been handled poorly because the story is quite simple. But Anderson injects so much of his signature style and personality into the film. A powerhouse of actors with the likes of Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis and Tilda Swinton, among a few of Anderson’s regulars, make Moonrise Kingdom a breeze. Good for a dark day to lift the spirits.

Nobody (2021) - 8/10 I needed something to fill an otherwise uneventful day, so I hopped on a bus and booked a ticket for Ilya Naishuller’s new action movie, Nobody. The film started and to my annoyance, the lights in the theatre were still on. When I go to the cinema I don’t really want to see the other people sitting around me, so I got up from my seat, abandoning the first two minutes of the film to find a member of staff to turn the lights off. After showing them that the lights were in fact still on, I took to my seat and watched the movie for what felt like a little while before the lights went off. Nobody is a really fun action movie. Perhaps similar in a lot of ways to John Wick, but with more personality to the main character. More thoughts on episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) - 8/10 After procuring the Criterion blu-ray from my local hmv, I delved into all the supplements it had to offer, including a making-of documentary, chats with the director, and a gallery of polaroid pictures from when they were shooting the film in India. The Darjeeling Limited is perhaps not peak Wes Anderson, but I do kind of love it. It makes me want to go on a journey to another country with my brother and sister, perhaps in ten to fifteen years. Here, the main characters are three brothers who travel to India seeking some kind of spiritual experience. Things don’t seem to work out that way, however, because I’m not sure how spiritual an experience you can have when you plan out an itinerary to schedule it. Fantastic performances all round and of course, beautiful direction and cinematography.

Face/Off (1997) - 3/10 Was I supposed to laugh? Maybe I was just too tired but I really couldn’t stand Face/Off. It didn’t feel particularly special and despite a couple of fun ideas, it was mostly quite boring.

Luca (2021) - 5/10 The new Pixar movie leaves a lot to be desired. The animation is really second to none and I can’t fault how beautiful the movie looks, more so when it’s set in this little Italian town than under the sea. The story is so uninspired though, with the basic premise being that the protagonists want a Vespa so they enter a competition to win the money to buy one. Also they’re fish that turn into people on dry land. Maybe that’s enough for some people, but I couldn’t shake the familiarity of Luca. It never went in any interesting directions and basically did exactly what I figured it would do. I don’t believe it’s out here to subvert expectations but I would like some creativity when it comes to the writing. Perhaps if I watched it again, I might like it less. It was pretty dull.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002) - 10/10 I’m a little disappointed with the Criterion blu-ray for Punch-Drunk love. It’s supplements host a couple of low-quality deleted scenes that were clearly deleted for a reason, and some weird artsy music videos that incorporated footage from the movie. I was quite shocked at how low-effort it all seemed. The movie itself is fantastic though and I do believe it to be Adam Sandler’s best performance (and I really liked Uncut Gems). He portrays a man who is constantly put down by his family, clearly has some kind of social disability, and on top of it all he’s getting scammed by a sex line. Amongst all this, he’s trying to navigate a new relationship and it’s so sweet to watch all the interactions between Sandler and Emily Watson. It’s a perfect melding of romance, comedy and anxiety, beautifully directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.

Fargo (1996) - 9/10 Another movie you wouldn’t expect to be so funny, especially since it’s based on this horrific true story about murder, deceit and money. But the Coen brothers know how to handle it. Excellent performances, beautiful colour palette, and a story that just gets more and more insane as it goes.

House (1977) - 7/10 House (or, Hausu) was a recommendation for episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast so check that out for more discussion. Generally speaking, this Japanese horror/comedy was bonkers. Insanely creative and abstract (which at points can detriment the film) with an almost Balamory-esque presentation. I was happy to find that the comedy was not lost on me at all; this is a hilarious film, albeit maybe not all the time.

The Princess Bride (1987) - 10/10 I reviewed this in my May wrap-up but this time around, I had recommended The Princess Bride for the podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 37. It all clicked this time around. It is such a fun, warm movie with a lot of laughs and superb production.

This Is Spinal Tap (1984) - 8/10 Another Rob Reiner joint, a few years before The Princess Bride. This Is Spinal Tap is lauded as a masterpiece in comedic cinema and I might agree; this movie is hilarious. Shot in mockumentary fashion, it follows a band playing shows and trying to get gigs, coupled with the inevitable screw-ups of live performance and creative disagreements. It lost me every now and again but it’s still a must-watch.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) - 6/10 A decent Disney flick but certainly not their best. One highlight includes the villain singing a lament about wanting to have sex with Esmerelda and calling her a witch for giving him a boner.

Ponyo (2008) - 4/10 Not sure if I’ve ever disliked a Miyazaki movie before but I did not vibe with Ponyo. It came across as very baby and as such, there really wasn’t much to read into. The animation is fantastic as always but so much of it felt specifically tailored to a younger crowd.

Roman Holiday (1953) - 9/10 Classic romance at its best. I had heard on a podcast that this was the sexiest movie the guest had ever seen and while maybe not in the traditional sense of the word, I do get where they’re coming from. I was tearing up with just how lovely it all was, following a princess who runs away and spends the day with a man she meets in Rome (where it was shot on location), doing all the things she’s wanted to do but never could because of royal responsibilities. Fantastic performances from Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck who sell the chemistry of the characters so well.

F9 (2021) - 2/10 I’ve never seen any of the Fast & Furious movies and after watching the ninth in the series, I don’t want to. This is basically the Vin Diesel show; we watch him drive cars fast and punch people a lot. Wow! I don’t really understand what it (and forgive the pun) driving people to see these movies if they’re all in this same vein. As far as I can tell, F9 is the goofiest of the series so far and I’ll admit I had a chuckle or two at some of the truly implausible moments, such as a part where one of the team gets shot by about ten men with machine guns, yet manages to kill them all without being affected by the bullets… but overall, in this two-and-a-half-hour experience, I was largely bored.

Shaolin Soccer (2001) - 7/10 I love this movie! Shaolin Soccer is so much fun; it is goofy and out there and completely crazy, all by design. Steven Chow knew what he was making when he set out to craft this insane story of a group of guys using Kung-Fu to play football. The basic story itself is nothing new but it’s elevated by the infectious comedy and implausibility of what’s happening. Balls are kicked into space and across fields so fast the very ground is torn asunder. A man eats an egg off a dirty shoe. This is cinema.

Casino Royale (2006) - 7/10 I had seen a trailer at the cinema for the new Bond movie and I have to say, I’ve never really given 007 the time of day, aside from a few of the very first movies I’d tried watching a while ago. But the new trailer kind of got me hyped, so I wanted to watch all of the Craig era Bond movies, starting with Casino Royale. I had a great time! Even though there’s not loads of fighting or weapons or fast cars, the meat of the movie actually comes from this poker game Bond is playing against the villain, played brilliantly by Mads Mikkelsen. I was surprised to witness a bit of cock-and-ball torture in this 12-rated movie but I would be lying if I said it didn’t stick with me.

Quantum of Solace (2008) - 5/10 Immediately after Casino Royale, I jumped into the second of Daniel Craig’s Bond movies, Quantum of Solace. Sadly it’s quite weak, with not much going on aside from the general Bond fare. Mathieu Amalric’s villain lacked a lot of menace or motivation and generally, I’m not super worried about a brilliant story in a Bond movie, but even the action felt weak in this. Quantum of Solace didn’t exactly upset me but it failed to wow me in any way either. The saving grace of the movie is certainly Daniel Craig as the hero, capturing Bond and what he’s supposed to be.

Skyfall (2012) - 6/10 A marked improvement from its predecessor, Sam Mendes helms Skyfall, Craig’s third outing as Bond. Skyfall delves into Bond’s past as he seems to be slipping a bit, not as much the expert operative he once was. It would have been nice to see more of his fall from grace, as they don’t really show us how he’s become less efficient as much as they give other characters expository dialogue telling us how he drinks and does drugs and is haunted by childhood trauma. For me, that’s where the meat of the story lies and I would have preferred more of a character piece if indeed they were delving into that side of the character anyway. That being said, the fights are still better choreographed than the last instalment and the colour grading and scenery is often very visually interesting. Everything in Skyfall is better than its predecessor and it’s surely thanks to Sam Mendes who does a great job at directing.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Another go round for Howl's Moving Castle, as this was a recommendation for my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. My opinion, I feel, is unchanged. It's a fantastic film, and you can listen to more of what I have to say in episode 37. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 - 3/10 A pretty poor end to a poor series of movies. I'm surprised I've watched the Twilight movies as many times as I have but I also know I'll watch them again. Part 2 I watched with the YMS commentary track on YouTube which, again made the experience a lot better. But otherwise the series seemed to get better as it went along… until the last movie. Ultimately my biggest problem with it is that nothing actually happens and the plot feels like a late addition rather than a natural progression of the story. It’s basically a whole movie of set-up to a payoff that doesn’t even canonically happen. A big thing with YA adaptations in this era was making a final book into two movies, regardless as to whether it needed that much time or not. Breaking Dawn does not need to be two movies at two hours each. About ten new characters are introduced here and the film is afraid of killing even one of them off. It's the last movie! We're not going to see these characters again! Kill some of them! There's just no emotional weight to any of it and I hate to say I was disappointed with the ending because I have such low expectations for these films but man, this was so unsatisfying.

Frances Ha (2012) - 8/10 Life is hard. And I hate this movie because it shows me so much of what terrifies me about being alive. And I love this movie because it shows me so much of what I’m alive for. Noah Baumbach’s brutally honest depiction of growing up and fending for yourself struck me in a way I wasn’t expecting and I think it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I’m worrying a lot about how it’s all going to turn out. The titular character is burdened with the stress of working low-paid jobs and paying rent while juggling school and making time for her passion of dancing as she tries to connect with people she’s lost, as temporary friends and housemates come and go. She feels like a lonely character despite often being around a lot of people. Frances Ha is fantastic and heartbreaking and uplifting… but it made me feel bad so I hate it.

[fantastic-rambles]

Fandom: Sk8 the Infinity

Characters: Shindo Ainosuke (Adam), Kikuchi Tadashi (Snake)

Warnings: None?

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: After the finals of the White Eden Wedding Beef, Adam and Tadashi return to the course to skate together again and try to regain what they've lost. [TadaAi Week 2021 | Day 4: Shall we dance?]

“You could have dressed up a little, you know,” Adam pointed out, pouting slightly. He was back in his usual Matador of Love getup, but Tadashi just wore his usual capman outfit, plain and nondescript. But Tadashi just smiled back a little, pulling the brim of his hat a little lower as if to try to hide his expression.

“Then maybe you should have designed an outfit for me,” he pointed out in a reasonable tone. And Adam grinned back at him, clearly delighted by the suggestion.

“Perhaps I will. For next time,” Adam promised, and Tadashi ducked his head to hide his expression. Next time. The promise in those words made his heart flutter, but he took a deep breath to try to calm down as he turned his attention to the course. It wasn't one that he could run distracted, especially since he didn't want to disappoint his master again. More than just a race, this was going to be an exhibition of skill, and following on the heels of Hasegawa only made it all the more difficult. But he was confident in his own abilities: it was never a lack of ability that had created a wall between them, but his own fears and insecurities. So he was thankful to Hasegawa for saving his master, but also for saving him as well, rekindling both of their love for the sport and turning it back into what it had been before. Not yet another competition that Adam had to win, not an antisocial activity that would be a liability, not a sin that Tadashi had tempted him to commit. Just something fun that they did for its sake and nothing else.

"Ready?" his master asked, and Tadashi looked back up, nodding. Both of them crouched at the starting line, ready to sprint ahead, and Adam pulled a coin out of his pocket, flipping it into the air. They watched the silver arc into the air and fall, and the instant that it touched the ground, they both took off, flinging their boards under themselves as they entered the death-defying track, staying neck-and-neck.

Tadashi couldn't help glancing sideways at Adam to see the relaxed smile he remembered from their childhood, and when he caught Adam glancing at him as well, he quickly turned his attention back to the track, skirting a little too close to the edge of a curve. His wheels slipped slightly before he quickly recovered to avoid falling off a cliff, and with his attention diverted, he didn't notice Adam sliding even closer with a sly smile.

"May I have this dance?"

But Adam didn't wait for his response, one gloved hand sliding around Tadashi's waist while the other grabbed his hand and their boards jammed together. His mask shone pale in the moonlight as scarlet eyes stared into emerald, and Tadashi's grip on their intertwined fingers tightened before he raised his other hand to his master's shoulder.

"You may."

Adam's smile was a reward in and of itself as he twisted his board, sending them into a spiral while Tadashi stayed upright, pressing himself closer to his master so that he could feel Adam's muscles coil and tense, reading his master's lead. As if they were one creature, they sped down the course hand-in-hand, dancing together on their moving stage in perfect synchronicity. Their legs intertwined and broke apart, never getting in each other's way while Tadashi allowed himself to be led around his master on the narrow platform until Adam suddenly broke the hold and their boards drifted apart.

But this time, he was on Adam's longboard, and Tadashi quickly widened his stance to compensate, wobbling and losing precious seconds during which Adam pulled ahead on his own board. And he saw the pale gleam of the mask again as the other man looked back at him, his teeth flashing almost as brightly with his smile.

"Don't fall behind, now!" Adam taunted before flipping the board and twisting his body around to reorient himself before continuing to speed down the course. With a wry smile, Tadashi chose to continue skating goofy, lowering his center of gravity and blading his body to catch up. At the curves, he took the outside, letting his momentum carry him onto the wall while he rapidly closed the gap between them.

When it came to speed alone, a longboard had the advantage, and Tadashi had more than enough skill to make up for the shortcomings in maneuverability. So he continued to roll past Adam, smiling when he heard his master’s amused bark of laughter. But the sound of the wheels behind him changed, and he glanced back to see Adam veering off toward one of the natural ramps, flying into the sky, and Tadashi relaxed slightly, simply watching his master. Adam was still smiling, illuminated by the moon as he floated in the air with his arms outstretched, as if he really was about to take flight. But then he started to fall back down to the earth, and Tadashi leaned forward again, urging his board forward to increase the distance between them while Adam clattered back onto the ground.

"Tadashi! Get back here!" Adam called out as he disappeared around a bend, but there was no command or anger in his voice. Even so, Tadashi smiled as he brought the nose of the board up and turned it around, slamming it back down just as Adam came into sight. He couldn't pull off the sort of theatrics that seemed to come to Adam naturally, but the trick itself was within his capabilities. And Adam's eyes widened even as he laughed in pure delight.

"Come on, then!" Adam challenged him, spreading his own arms out as if to welcome the Love Hug. They raced toward each other in a dangerous chicken race, but just as their boards were about to collide, Adam kicked his upward, grabbing it in one hand before sliding back onto his own board, pulling the two of them together tightly. His hands were wrapped around Tadashi's hips and back, his head resting on Tadashi's shoulder, and his feet were staggered just ahead of the older man's. The board wobbled under their combined weight as Adam forced them to turn around and start going downhill again, their bodies pressed against each other even closer than when they'd been dancing earlier.

The bridge over the chasm had been repaired in the same rickety style, and Tadashi hesitated as it flew toward them. Would it be able to withstand the weight of two grown men? And neither of them was skating in the stance that they were used to: Adam's left foot was at the front of the board, just ahead of Tadashi's right foot. If they fell…

"It's alright. I'm here. Follow my lead," his master murmured, his voice soft in Tadashi's ear. His right hand soothed its way up Tadashi's back before his fingers bit into the base of his assistant's neck, and Tadashi suddenly realized that he'd tensed up. That made it all the more likely that they would end up in an accident, so he took a deep breath and relaxed, trusting in Adam's guidance just as wood rattled beneath their feet for several terrifying heartbeats. But then they were over it, the sounds changing back to the smooth grind on stone, and Tadashi was aware of something falling just behind him before Adam turned his head to catch his mouth in a brief, impersonal kiss.

"Ta-ta for now, darling," he said before shoving Tadashi backwards, his hand wrapped around the collar of Tadashi's shirt while the older man stumbled slightly. Adam waited for him to find his footing on the board that had been trapped between the spikes on his own wheels, then let go and shoved them apart in earnest. A small dance turned Adam back around into his usual goofy position, and then it was Tadashi's turn to catch up again. Their jumps and tricks had them weaving around each other, changing up the leads as they simply just had fun again despite the danger that loomed only feet away.

They were neck-and-neck again as they jumped over the fallen log, both of their eyes sparkling as they looked at each other. Tadashi finally twisted his own body around during the jump, landing on his board with his left foot in front so that they could look directly at each other as they reached the final stretch. At this point, it didn't matter which of them won or lost: he could see it in Adam's eyes, and he felt the same. Everything that they'd lost over the years was finally back. There were still problems they'd need to iron out, eventually, but right now, at this moment, those didn't matter.

So as the finish line approached, Tadashi extended his hand out to Adam. Smiling, Adam took it, his gloved hand fitting tightly in Tadashi's own. And just before they crossed it together, Tadashi whipped his board around, tugging Adam in a wide arc around him while he rolled backwards across the line first to applause and cheers.

But what rang in his ears the loudest was the sound of Adam's laughter.

[c-watches-too-many-shows]

can you do prompt 15 a jj imagine where they’re at a kegger and jj is trying to make y/n feel better after her recent breakup. She tries to make her ex jealous by kissing Jj on the cheek. Jj grabs her ass just for fun and y/n says the line. Jj apologizes but is really sly and flirty. She’s happy to have him

JJ Maybank Blurb

Prompt: 15. Touch my ass one more time and I'll kick yours.

Here’s the ink to the prompt list! Feel free to send in any prompts you may like with the character you want!

-

“I don’t wanna be here.” you stated as soon as you set foot in the crowded beach. JJ had somehow convinced you to go out to take your mind off things, but you knew he was gonna be there and the last thing you wanted was to see the guy that had broken your heart days ago.

“I know, this is the 100th time you’ve said it, but this is exactly what you need after a break up.” he said placing one arm on each of your shoulders, trying to encourage you and preventing you from leaving at the same time. “Now wait here, I’ll get us some beer and then we can start having fun.” he said and left before you could object. You knew JJ, he was gonna find some touron to hook up with and leave you alone, wasted and with your ex nearby which was a terrible combination.

As if it was perfectly timed the second JJ left you spotted your ex. He was not so far away talking with his usual friends. You tried to look away quickly hoping he hadn’t seen you, but he did and then started making his way to you. ‘Why is he coming this way? Breaking my heart is not enough. He has to come and show me how fine he is doing’ you thought to yourself as you prepared mentally for the conversation you were about to have.

“Hi.” you said and pursed your lips into a half smile once he was in front of you. 

“Hey. I didn’t think I’d see you here.” he said followed by one of his characteristic perfect smiles. You wanted to punch him so bad.

“Yeah, I wasn’t gonna come but JJ convinced me-” you started to explain until you felt a pair of arms round your waist and someone placed his head on top of yours. You were surprised to  say the least. “What?” you said turning around only to find out it was JJ.

“Play along.” he whispered in your ear. JJ had the worst ideas ever this one being no exception but you were gonna have fun while it lasted, who wouldn’t want to make the idiot that left them feel jealous? You nodded and turned your gaze back to the very confused boy in front of you. “Adam how are you?” JJ said with the fakest nice tone he had. A snort scapred your lips as you tried not to laugh at the fact that he had gotten his name wrong, on purpose obviously, he would do that sometimes just to piss him off.

“It’s Alex and I’m fine.” he replied sharply. He never was a fan of JJ. If you add that to the fact that he was hugging you acting all lovey dovey, he surely was irritated “A-are you two …”

“Yes! I’ve been madly in love with her for years but she was with you so there wasn’t much I could do, but as soon as I found out you two weren’t together anymore I knew I had to make my move. Can’t let such an amazing girl go!” he said hugging you tighter. Alex sighed clearly annoyed by the whole scene.

“Aw you’re the sweetest.” you said and stretched your neck to place a kiss on his cheek. You were being honest, JJ had proven once again to be the best friend you could ask for. Hearing that and having your ex boyfriend hear it really made you feel better.

“Well we better get going. I’m sure our friends are looking for us. It was really nice seeing you Alvin.” JJ announced turn around keeping one of his arms in your waist. You laughed again and walked away with him, leaving behind a very irritated and confused Alex.

“What are you-” you almost shouted as you felt his hand slip down your back. He placed it in your butt and when you were about to protest he gave it a gentle squeeze. “JJ!”

“He was still looking.” he explained. You turned your head and effectively he was looking because he seemed even madder than earlier, he looked away quickly trying to hide it but you saw it.

“Touch my ass one more time and I’ll kick yours.”

“Ok, ok. I’ll remember for the next time I pretend to be your boyfriend and save your ass.”

“Thank you for that.” you said smiling up at him.

“My pleasure.” he said and winked your way.