#i doubt ill make a real new blog but i might change things here going forward

[lifesliced]

im enjoying still being stuck in degrassi like i have the last sixth plus months, as you all know, so when i make my degrassi multimuse just know for sixth months ive been waiting to pull the trigger — also i have barely scrolled the dash since yesterday but idk what happened or what’s going on, i only know and am referring to my own personal experiences here idk what’s going on otherwise

[feitansluver]

Two Birds on a Wire (THE PROLOGUE)

a Feitan x Reader series (gender neutral)

Genre: romance, angst, fluff, smidge of violence

Series Summary: If you wish to see the series summary, check out my masterlist (which should be up now, if not just give me 10 mins) which you can access through my pinned navigations post on my blog. It might have a teensy bit of spoilers but nothing too drastic since this is a major wip.

Prologue Summary: This story's beginning takes place before the troupe was even a figment of anyone's imagination. Meteor City is a dangerous place, and many can vouch for me when I say this. The place where good deeds never come truly from the heart, but instead for the chance to get what you wanted from someone else. Here begins the story of how Feitan Portor and Y/n L/n would soon meet, for real this time.

Author's Note: This entire series is inspired by the song "Two Birds" by Regina Spektor. I originally wrote this as a small x reader for a writing sample, but I like it so much, it'll be a series instead. This is going to be a slow burn series. As you can tell from my headcanons, I'm super detailed when it comes to adding backstories. It's even worse w actual stories. I'm not too sure how many chapters this will be but, Please enjoy! reblogs, likes, and constructive criticism is appreciated. Heads up, this will be the shortest 'chapter' of them all, so do be prepared haha. Italicized = Flashbacks!

The aroma of decaying matter engulfed the air like a thick fog, pulling down and wrapping itself around the shiny newcomers to the rather large wasteland of an area. These newcomers weren't wealthy, no, instead, they were here for the ego boost that accompanied the action of them tossing any worthless item that would instantly be scavenged by a poor resident, usually a child since they were small and naturally agile. Well, as agile as they could be growing up eating other's waste. Those bastards with their sickening laughs of arrogance. They'd be frowned upon in a normal society, but here, oh here, this was just what they'd call a Wednesday.

Where exactly is 'here,' you may be asking? To the people passing through, they might've considered it to be hell. Perhaps a dumpster. Hell, they might have even passed through with out even noticing the cries of agony as a mother's child passed away from malnutrition, without noticing the way that no resident seemed to acknowledge anything other than themselves, even the murder of a shopkeep in broad daylight. No, see they're too focused on trying to steal to survive, perhaps even slave away to a more fortunate resident for a chance at life, if you could even call this living. 'Maybe they're just introverted people,' oh how naïve you must be to even succumb to that conclusion. 'Here' there is no such thing as introversion, with this trait, you won't survive for more than 10 minutes.

'Here' is none other than Meteor City.

Coughing could be heard around every corner from the ill, penniless residents who were selling everything in their possession just to survive another miserable day. A feeble attempt truly, it's not as though the medicine was at least 50% likely to cause some sort of change. Nonetheless, Meteor City wasn't too bad, no. Children scurried amongst each other, shouting with smiles upon their somewhat sunken faces as they played along the areas of the city that were truly wastelands. There were no true friends created in Meteor City, but these children have yet to understand.

All except for one. A rather small boy, whether that be from malnutrition or genetics, with black hair and heartless black eyes sat upon an old shipping crate with an uninterested look upon his young face as he watched the children run about. "How pedestrian," was all that came out of his cracked, dehydrated lips. Only an 8-year-old from Meteor would consider playing to be pedestrian. Aside from his shocking attitude, with one glance you could certainly tell he wasn't from here, such 'exotic' features couldn't have been bred in this hellhole. The boy was dressed in what seemed to be traditional Asian clothes, ones that were too big for his figure, all black and seemingly thick yet still lightweight enough to where he wouldn't die from a heat stroke, the word "Feitan" engraved over his left breast. Perhaps this was his name, neither he or the townsfolk new, but it was what they called him when they believed he wasn't looking. He was frequently seen mumbling to himself, and paired with his stone cold gaze, he was deemed "unapproachable" to others, adults and children alike.

"Hey, you!" A call from one of the children pulled Feitan out of his thoughts. The blackette raised his gaze to find another small child before him, taller yes, but no doubt younger, no stranger to his eyes yet not an aly. "My name's Marley. Do you want to play with us?" Feitan rolled his eyes in annoyance and spoke with his broken interpretation of the city's language. "Why would me want t-," He analyzed the other children beside the runt Marley and froze his gaze upon another small child, who was smiling as they spoke to a friend, one he's kept his eye on for a long time.

(Y/n) (L/n).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 years ago, Meteor City, 3rd Person Omniscient

The sky boomed a thunderous roar as lighting flashed across the city. Purples and dark ominous grey's colored over the townsfolk as the rushed their preparations for the storm. Adults were sheltering children, even if they didn't know them, most likely with the promise of something in return, while also taking in whatever possessions they needed before the storm's condition worsened.

A 4-year-old child, Y/n, ran about the poorly made streets, hoping to find a place of shelter before it was too late. Of course, since they're small and malnourished, they weren't very efficient, constantly stumbling over their two feet and pausing to catch their balance.

"Please, somebody help me!"

They continued to run through the now damp streets as the rain began to pour violently. Water drenched the poor child as they ran around banging on doors screaming for help, yet still, no one listened. It was almost as though the entire town had become a ghost city.Just as Y/n was about to give up, a hand grabbed their arm harshly and quickly pulled them into a small, dark, poorly-made shack.

Y/n jumped back in surprise with a yelp only to be pushed down by the other party, quite roughly might I add. "Shhh." A firm, seemingly male voice commanded with no other words as he sat beside the younger child. "Are you going to eat me??" Y/n spoke in a panicked tone. "The old lady by the library told me a story about a demon who comes out during horrible storms and eats the children who are wandering the streets." They cried with their arms curled around their legs, staring at the silhouette in fear beside of them.

The strange savior huffed under his breath. Why did he even pull this idiot into his home. Who was he to be providing shelter for others when he could barely take care of himself? God he never hated himself more until that moment. There was no place for some snotty kid, nor did he want to deal with them either. "Me no eat you. you taste bad, too whiny." Was all the boy said, hoping to get the other to take the hint and shut up.

"O-oh. My name's y/n, what's yours?" The 4-year-old spoke, no longer carrying a fearful tone. The older boy rolled his eyes at how naïve and trusting the other was. He didn't bother answering, and in fact, he never said another word to Y/n for the remaining duration of the storm.

Y/n ended up falling asleep after a while from all of the chaos earlier. The silhouette eyed the child beside him before closing his own eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. Soft snoring was all that was heard by the boy, aside from the pouring rain that is. Falling into his thoughts, he began to drift off into a light, alert slumber. Well, he was until he felt a weight hit his left shoulder.

His eyes shot open as he looked to his left with a scowl upon his face. "Idiot pest." He grumbled agitatedly as he noticed Y/n had fallen asleep on his shoulder. As much as he wanted to push them off, he quite enjoyed the quiet he was now receiving. With an annoyed sigh, he closed his own eyes and drifted to his previous light sleep.

When Y/n awoke with a yawn and began to identify their surroundings, they almost screamed in fear and confusion. They jumped up and racked their brain for some sort of explanation. Wait, it was coming to them now: the mystery boy and him providing them shelter. Properly looking at their surroundings, they noticed were still in the shack; however, this time, they were alone. With a quick glance outside, the small child ran out of the shack, patting themselves down to make sure they still had their items in their pockets.

A sigh of relief escaped their lips as they felt everything there. Digging into their pockets to find their last bit of money to buy a bit of food, Y/n noticed there was a folded piece of poorly maintained paper in their pockets. With a confused hum and a head tilt, they unfolded the piece of paper and read in poor grammar and messy writing:

"You owe me, Brat."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

They blackette's face remained in a deapan expression as his own eyes locked back with Marley's "Yes, me play." He spoke emotionlessly as he hopped down from his crate, dusting himself off as he began walking closer to the group of children. A handful of yays, yippees, and downright cries of joy could be heard from the crowd of children as they gathered one more player for their game. "Okay, great. So here's what we're going to play.."

The voices blurred and faded into nothingness as the eight-year-old fell into his cunning mind, his eyes yet again landed on Y/n with his usual piercing gaze. Only difference was that this time, there was a twinge of excitement and malice, lots of malice.

God how he wanted to make them pay. A total troglodyte they were, so ignorant and easily distracted by such trivial things.

You see, Feitan never got back that favor, and he certainly wasn't one to hold back when it came to exploiting others. Especially younger, naïve children who hadn't seen nor understood just how horrific the world could be. How horrific he could make their world be.

Go ahead, call him a monster. It's such a common title for him, he might've even believed it were his own name if it hadn't been for the thread engraved onto his shirt.

Feeling eyes watching them, Y/n turned to face the newer strange boy with their head tilted in confusion. The blackette walked over to the younger child, the two of them standing at the same height. "Hello." Feitan spoke up with a small smile and a friendly wave. It certainly looked realistic and Y/n couldn't feel any malicious intent within the other boy, though if only they knew how fake that smile was. "Hey there! I'm Y/n, what's your name?" The child spoke with a close-eyed smile as they waved in return.

'Oh this was going to be fun.' The boy thought with an inward chuckle of sadism.

Feitan Portor wasn't one to forgive and forget. Hell, he came from Meteor City, the place where every good action was never from the heart but instead the manipulative portion of people's minds. No matter who or what he had to go through,

He was getting back what he owed, and he was expecting it NOW.

[comfy-whumpee]

Whumping Safely 101

Many people in this community have mental health problems, face various types of discrimination, and have complicated relationships with some parts or types of whump. In particular, I aim this at people who care about the experience of survivors and others with triggers – partially because I am an abuse survivor who often flirts with triggering content as part of my love of whump.

Keeping your blog safe is difficult, takes effort, and is never a perfect process. But as the community grows and grows, it’s really important that we hold ourselves to a high standard. I would argue that this is a responsibility of all content creators, but especially those of us in the messy playground of whump.

I’ve got three sections in here: content warnings, writing with care, and community interaction. I’ve tried to make it navigable. It’s about 1.8k words. Shorter than a lot of drabbles! I welcome good-faith criticism on this topic and further questions on my own views.

Content Warnings

The biggest responsibility, in my opinion, is empowering your reader to make their own decision on whether they want to expose themselves to your writing. This also happens to be by far the easiest way to help people whump safely.

What to warn

This is a big and ever-changing topic. Some things you should warn for as a rule of thumb are anything NSFW, pet whump and box boy whump, drugs and alcohol, medical and hospital content, graphic gore, intimate partner violence, and animal harm. It can be tricky to draw the line of what counts – what needs a warning? If you’re in doubt, just warn it anyway. It doesn’t hurt.

If someone requests a trigger be warned for, even if it’s something that feels obscure or tame, show compassion and agree to the request. This is someone who cares enough about being able to read your writing that they wrote in! They want to be able to read it and enjoy it. You’re being complimented.

Otherwise, look at what other blogs tag for. You’ll see some variation in styles and levels of detail, but it’s a good way to gauge what people think is warn-worthy, when we’re often writing stuff that would already be R-rated in mainstream media.

Read Mores

The easiest way to make sure people don’t see your triggering content is to use a cut. Tumblr is not a very functional website and likes to delete cuts, but a cursory check of your posted content will usually tell you whether it’s worked. With asks, cuts are very spotty, so don’t be afraid to post an ask response separately with a screengrab of the original question. People often then respond to the ask itself with a link to the post, especially if it’s a whole drabble. Tumblr is weird and bad so just do your best.

Content notices

I.e., a quick summary before the drabble, usually in bold, to state what will be coming. I like to distinguish between using content notes (CN) and trigger warnings (TW) to indicate severity. Others might use the old phrase ‘dead dove do not eat’ to indicate this is a heavy piece, and often you will see qualifiers like ‘intense’, ‘mild’, ‘mention’, ‘referenced’ (i.e. it is discussed but not actively happening), and ‘implied’ (as the opposite of ‘explicit’). I’ve also seen a couple of people use ‘vibes’, which is a really nice way of demonstrating that it’s there, but not the focus. A quick paragraph like this, or just a line, lets people make a quick risk assessment on their reading.

This is also important if you’re sending in asks or requests to people. If you want to ask about something triggering, send an inquiry first about whether the blog is okay to hear it.

Tagging

Tagging is a chore, but it’s your primary way of warning people about your content. The main benefit of tagging is that you can be as detailed as you want, because can be tagging for content in general, not just triggers.

In a best case scenario, you’d tag the kind of whump you’re doing, tag triggers, tag characters, and even your ‘verses, because tagging is your index for your blog. If you tag reliably, you help your future self and your readers find stuff, and you also make your blog really dang safe. People who have unusual triggers can blacklist tags, and will pick up on your content tags to help them.

Don’t just tag your own writing. Tag your reblogs, tag your prompts, tag your asks. Yes, edit your asks to add the tags. Tag your images and gifs. Tag your images as images and your gifs as gifs.

If you aren’t up for detailed tagging for whatever reason, just tag for triggering content, and add stuff to that list if you’re asked to. My usual technique is to make a mental note of tags while I’m formatting and editing before posting.

Be aware that your first five tags will be used in search results. If you’re using tags that are associated with kink too, such as ‘shibari’, you might want to rethink your tag order if you don’t want interaction from those blogs. Also think about what tags might come up in non-whump contexts, such as ‘collar’ or ‘PTSD’. Some tactics for getting around this I’ve seen are adding ‘whump’ after the content or writing the tags in past tense (i.e., ‘collared’).

It is also a good idea to watch out for when you might be reblogging something whumpy that is intended as kink / porn / fetish, especially in images. Tagging these as spicy / nsfw / kink is a sensible move.

Writing with Care

Okay, now for the harder stuff.

I mean here to lay out some guidelines for how to write in a way that helps your reader build good faith. This is a much more nuanced topic, and it’s different for everyone. There will always be differing opinions on what should and shouldn’t be written about, what a good depiction of a sensitive topic is, and how to discuss that topic. I tried to strip this back into absolute basics that I hope we can all agree on.

Maybe your whump involves abuse. Maybe it’s gaslighting. Maybe it’s severe mental health problems, or addiction, or slavery, or you write about or analogise real-world issues. Whump deals with the dark stuff, and that’s a big part of its appeal. But don’t ever forget you’re writing the dark stuff.

(Try to) Know what you’re doing

Some of us play fast and loose with plots, medical accuracy, worldbuilding, and other things that get in the way of the pain we crave. This is all well and good, but when we start using whump that speaks true to people’s lived experiences, we shouldn’t be careless with it. I’m particularly talking about things that get represented poorly in mainstream media, such as abusive relationships, issues around marginalisation, mental illness and disability.

Be critical of media that you’ve consumed. Think about how its depicted things that you want to depict in turn. Look for opinions on fictional representations of those issues. Be aware that you might be more ignorant of things than you realise.

Look at how others are writing these issues, particularly if they’re writing from a perspective different to yours. If you haven’t personally experienced what you’re writing about, e.g., if you don’t have PTSD and you want to depict a character who does, seek out stuff written from or with experience. Listen to the experts.

If you’re looking for stuff about representation specifically, I recommend this collection of posts about ‘Braving Diversity’ cultivated by Writing With Colour, who are in themselves a fantastic resource for this topic, and have recommendations for other blogs that deal with intersecting issues.

Listen to others

Missteps are inevitable. Nobody is perfect. If constructive criticism is offered, that’s also a compliment to your writing. Someone read your work and thought about it, and thought you’d care about improving it. They’re offering themselves as a resource for helping you see your work in a new light.

Criticism is hard and sometimes hurtful, but even if we don’t think it’s accurate, there’s often a grain of truth in it. If someone tells you that your writing is harmful, think about why they’ve said that, not whether or not they’re correct. This is an opinion! Opinions are subjective! But what drove someone to send that in?

You don’t have to respond to all your criticism and definitely don’t respond straight away. Being respectful to those who are trying to help you means taking the time to consider it properly. Sometimes, they don’t need a response. Others, you might want to learn more about what they think before deciding. You might have already discussed the topic, in which case, you might just want to reblog your previous posts.

If it’s sent in bad faith or is outright hateful, you’re well within your rights to just delete it and move on. You might get the same criticism over and over again, and that’s exhausting, and you don’t have to retrace your steps for everyone.

But if it’s new, even if it puts your hackles up, you can always stop and wonder why someone felt that strongly about your work.

Take a step back

One of my better-known characters is a pet whumper who conditioned his victim to adore and depend on him. It’s not always easy to represent how deeply messed up that is within the text – though I think that’s part of the challenge – but in meta-commentary, I am always describing him as a creeptastic bastard lacking compassion and self-reflection. I hope to always give the reader the confidence that I know just how wrong it is.

This is a really simple thing you can do just to give readers good faith in you. Show that you know what you’re writing is dark and messed up. Show your understanding for the issues you’re handling and that they’re complicated. It might seem self-evident, but when you’re writing the really dark stuff, or unhealthy relationships, or institutionalised whump, you can inadvertently create the impression that you just think it’s fun. The fact that it’s fiction does not automatically absolve you. Show that you care about doing it right.

Community Interaction

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet because I will almost entirely be preaching to the choir here.

Be polite to others. Imagine saying what you’re saying to their face.

Don’t send anon hate. Just don’t. If you can send criticism off anon, do so.

Nobody is obligated to interact with you.

Nobody is obligated to monitor their own reader base.

If someone says do not interact, do not interact.

If someone says do not interact, why they’ve said that is none of your business.

You don’t need to spread the word about someone’s bad politics.

Ask yourself if your input is needed, or if what you’ve said has already been said.

You don’t have to take a side.

Take care of yourself. Take breaks. Remind yourself that whump is a small part of the world.

That’s all from me, folks. Stay safe.

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[obscuremarvelmuses]

At one of the boards I play Shaw at, I’m going to be running a “kidnapping the X-Men as experimental guinea pigs” plot with Shaw at the helm (based on THIS DROPPED PLOT POINT from canon) in October. I plan to use several canons as NPCs in the plot so that the X-Men have more than just Shaw and Emma (who is played by someone else) to face, and as October approaches, I’m writing a series of small fics for the board that introduces each NPC so they’re more than just names. This is the one I did for Monica Rappaccini and June Covington, the lead scientists in this RPG. No, they never worked for the Hellfire Club in canon, but given that June is an amoral monster whose genetic plug-in technology would work PERFECT for this, she was a shoe-in. But what about Monica? Her ideals are far from those of the Hellfire Club, and she doesn’t care about money. So, what’s she doing there? This fic explains that, sets up her dynamic with June, and lays the groundwork for how I plan to have her turn on the Hellfire Club and help the X-Men. Because that would make sense for her in this scenario and I think having an NPC on the inside is going to help the plot along. Again, this is not based on anything in canon, nor it is it canon to this blog, it’s for a plot at an RP board. But since it features two ladies from my multi, I thought it would be worth posting here. Warning for mentions of eugenics, ableism, etc. 

Dr. Theresa June Covington was the typical blonde blue-eyed beauty, with an unnatural “natural” perfection thanks to her own work on herself. Shaw often wondered if she’d done the same for Emma. Dr. Monica Rappaccini, on the other hand, was a more unusual but no less lovely blend of Italian and Southeast Asian heritage. But, contrary to popular belief, he hadn’t hired these ladies for their looks. No, far from it. Both were brilliant in exactly the way Shaw needed for this project. . .and both were disgraced, unable to find work from any reputable company or university lab. Monica was a radical, a proponent of various anti-establishment beliefs that had led her down the wrong side of the law. Shaw didn’t agree with her politics, but her work in the fields of chemistry and biology more than made up for it. And it seemed that, like everyone in Shaw’s opinion, she could sacrifice her principles for the proper funding. But as much as Monica was worth, far more essential was June. It was her work on “genetic plug-in technology” that was the entire backbone of this project. It was a remarkable development, allowing her to take genetic material and essentially implant it into others, where it would then activate and express itself as naturally as if the person have been born with this gene or genes. She had based her work on knockout mice, a genetically modified lab mouse in which researchers have inactivated, or "knocked out", an existing gene by replacing it or disrupting it with an artificial piece of DNA when the mouse is still a mere embryo. But Theresa had taken it far beyond that, to humans who were already adults. Including herself; that work she’d had done hadn’t been with a scalpel to her beautiful face, but plug-in technologies to edit out all her perceived little physical imperfections. And once she’d done that, she started designing a few internal changes.  had altered her bones so they soften to diffuse impacts, she could dislocate her joints with ease thanks to new glands that distributed relaxins, her saliva was antiseptic, and, just in case anyone was ever fool enough to cut her, her blood was seething with neurotoxins. She, of course, was immune to it---who’s the REAL Rappaccini here, Monica?-- but if someone else touched it, well. . .they might as well have downed a pint of hemlock. So why wasn’t she raking in the millions? Why weren’t people lining up for plug-ins for everything from blue eyes to building muscle rapidly to electric eel organs? Well, in order to get such a work accomplished, there’d had to be. . .sacrifices. Mostly homeless people, but when she’d sought out a healthier stock of guinea pig, she’d started taking out people that she just felt didn’t have a right to live. There were haves and have-nots, you see, and the latter, well, they just didn’t have the same entitlement to life as the former. Like, say, people who watched Jersey Shore; could that really be called a life? And therefore, was it really murder? While Monica shared her opinions about reality TV, the rest of June’s beliefs enraged her to her core. And June, in turn, didn’t think much of Monica and her silly ideas about. . . .what was it, starving children in Africa and Asia and shit? June thought about what Shaw did of that. But unlike Shaw, she wasn’t employing Monica, and Monica didn’t have to put up with hearing her repulsive eugenicist tripe all day! Which was exactly what she’d just told her. Screamed at her, really. “Eugenics? Really?” June replied, and she didn’t sound upset at all, “My work is based on encouraging diversity, Monica, not culling it. Taking all the best traits. . . and putting them in the best people.” “That’s exactly what I mean!” Monica jabbed a finger at June, though not quite in her face---she doubted that blonde viper was above biting it. “Your idea that there *is* a “best” people---and who those are!” “Don’t try to make me out as some racist, Monica,” June placed her eerily sharp-nailed hands on her model-slim hips, “Just because I may look like the poster child for the Aryan nation, doesn’t mean I subscribe to such silly skin-deep notions about what makes perfection. My definition of elite is intellectual. A matter of character, not color. Physical flaws, though? Those can be fixed. That’s the point. Or do YOU think that a mind as phenomenal as Stephen Hawking’s should have been confined in that poor twisted prison of a body?” “That’s MY point!” Monica bellowed back, “It shouldn’t MATTER whether he has a mind you deem “worthy” of a better body, he deserves a cure either way! Everyone ill does!” “Some people don’t have an illness, Monica,” June purred. They were on a first-name basis at this point, but it wasn’t out of friendliness, “Some people are an illness.” “You know,” Monica seethed, her voice at normal volume and yet now even more angry, a deep and brewing rage like a volcano prior to eruption, “I think you’re right.” *** Monica worked late that night, blowing off steam. While the work itself was distasteful, and done for people she found disgusting---the Hellfire Club and its “everything for profit” mindset was everything she DESPISED about Western society---she poured herself passionately into it, knowing that, when this was all over, she could use it for good. Not only would she be rolling in millions that she could use to fund further work, but the knowledge gained here. . . as vile June was, the genetic plug-in tech was a miracle. Monica’s mind had raced when she heard about it, imagining all the ways that mutant powers could HELP the world---not just humans, but nature too. But, June was right about one thing---it had to go to the right people. Not the wealthy who would use it as toys or weapons, the grotesque commercial and military uses that the Hellfire Club had in mind. She kept her dominant thoughts occupied with work. She didn’t dare think too much too often about this. Not within the walls of these labs, where the likes of, say, Emma Frost could walk in any moment. Hell, would Frost even need to be here to read her mind? She shuddered at the notion of someone remote-viewing her mental processes like lab microfilm from miles away. Still . . . Monica was starting to think some very dangerous things. Dangerous for her, that is. And for the Hellfire Club’s entire operation.

[talpup]

Erase the Shadow: 18

Summary: Despite sharing dreams with Teris for as long as he can remember, Aizawa Shouta never believed in soulmates.  That was until he met Teris in the real world on his first day at UA.  Trouble is, Teris doesn’t know anything about their shared dreams.  And the one time Shouta tried to tell her, he nearly lost her completely.

Five years after graduating from UA, Shouta still believes Teris is his soulmate.  But things have only gotten worse.  Teris moved to another town shortly after graduation.  And now she’s dating his best friend Yamada Hizashi.

Please remember, this fic is rated explicit and has warnings of sex, violence, and other possible triggers.

***If you prefer reading off AO3 here’s the link for that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22027552/chapters/56826184

If you enjoyed reading this at all please comment and let me know. Since I post for free, think of it as nice way of leaving a tip.  And since comments are the only thing that encourages me to keep editing and posting, it’s also a benefit for you.

Thank you to those who have left hearts.  And a VERY special thank you to those who have recently left comments or re-blogged. They REALLY mean a lot.

As always, an extra special thank you to @inorganicone2230  for their encouragement and friendship.  Also for them helping plot bunny this story out and proofreading this chapter before its posting.  This fic was my personal guilty pleasure, and without them never be getting posted.

18.1

Hizashi had got his turn again, once Shouta was done with his second round.  But he had been too wired to sleep after. Giving up hope of rest, he had left Teris and Shouta slumbering in each other arms to work on the newest song he was writing; but that had gone down about as successfully as sleeping had.

Ears listening for noise from the bedroom, Hizashi had been unable to concentrate.  He had gotten up at any little sound to check on his girlfriend and best friend, part of him sure that they were going at it.

He shouldn’t have been as protective and jealous as he was.  Teris had accepted Shouta, and agreed to be with the both of them.  There was no going back.  Yet he couldn’t help how he felt.

Of course he blamed Shouta for the continued ill feelings about it all.  Shouta should've asked.  They had been in his bed.  The entire thing had been his reluctant idea. Shouta wouldn’t have lost his damned v-card, let alone be with Teris if it weren’t for him. But instead of checking to see if he was alright with it, Shouta had simply gone again.  The man hadn’t even pulled out from his first time.  Hadn’t even glanced his way to see if he was good with having to wait.

They needed to set some rules and boundaries.  Shouta couldn’t just do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted with Teris.  Not when he was there waiting his turn.  Teris might’ve been their girl now; but she had been his girl first.  That alone should afford him some deference with his best friend.

As the minutes turned to hours Hizashi found himself increasingly on edge.  How long was Shouta going to sleep?  The two needed to talk. How could Shouta sleep when there was so much that needed to be settled?

Eyes once again focusing on the digital clock at the bottom of the screen, Hizashi watched the numbers change.  It would have to do, he thought closing the laptop.  He couldn’t wait any longer.

Four-thirty might’ve been a bit early to wake up on a day off. But it wasn’t like it was four, or two-thirty, or one-forty. Shouta would just have to deal.

Stepping into the bedroom, Hizashi made his way over to the right side of the bed.  It had once been Teris’ side, but he supposed it was now Shouta's.

Would Shouta be wanting to sleep with Teris every night?  Hizashi certainly wasn’t going to give that up.  There was no way he would agree to have his girl every other night.  Or worse, every other week.

That was just another thing he and Shouta had to talk about; though he wasn’t splitting his time with Teris, no matter what his friend wanted.

“Shou.”

On his back, Shouta's head turned, burying deeper into the soft, sweet smelling warmth on his shoulder.  His left arm tightened, pulling and holding the warmth closer.

Hizashi's eyes narrowed, mustache twitching. Damn.  He was really gonna have to work on getting his jealousy buttoned down if this was going to work.

He reached out hand and tapped Shouta's shoulder.  “Shou.  Wake—Ow!  Ow, ow.”

On instinct, Shouta had grabbed the disturbing hand and twisted it.  Seeing Hizashi, he relaxed and released him, head dropping back on the pillow.

“Zashi… Leave me alone.” Shouta's eyes were closed before he even finished speaking; breath deepening as slumber returned.

Hizashi rubbed his wrist, frowning. His friend nearly tore off his arm and that was all he got?  No apology, or are you okay?  Granted Shouta wasn’t one to apologize.  And he was even gruffer when woken up but...

“Get up.  There’s stuff we gotta talk about.”

Shouta cracked an eye opened.  The hand that had grabbed Hizashi’s wrist found Teris’ nestled on his chest and covered it, fingers closing around hers.

“She’s asleep.”  Shouta nuzzled his cheek against the crown of her head, a smile tugging at his lips of its own accord. “As I am.”

“I said we had to talk.  Not the three of us.”  Hizashi’s jaw pulsed.

He looked over his sleeping girlfriend, naked and curled around his best friend.  You agreed to this.  You suggested it. You can do this.  It’s worth it if it means keeping her.

Hizashi turned away from the goading image, voice soft but snippy as he made his way towards the door. “Try not to wake her up when you get outta bed.  She can be a light sleeper.”

Shouta closed his eyes and sighed.  The urge to succumb and go back to sleep was great, especially with Teris’ warm, silken body nested so snugly against his.

He smirked, thinking the events of the night.  How Teris had sounded and felt.  Oh, how she had felt!  His morning wood hardened further at the thought.  He couldn’t wait to be seated deep inside her again.  Surrounded by her tight, silken, wet heat.

He groaned, precum leaking from his twitching cock.

Suddenly the urge to sleep jumped to that of wanting to roll her over and wake her up in the best way he could imagine.  But he didn’t want to presume and upset her, especially on their first full, official day as a couple.  Besides Hizashi was waiting, wanting to talk.

Shouta rubbed the sleep from his eyes and pushed away the thought of early morning sex with his Love.

He and Teris clearly needed to discuss a number of things as well.  Chief among them being if she would be comfortable being fucked awake.  Hizashi had said she could be a light sleeper, so maybe eating her out would be a better, slower wakening.

His mouth pooled with saliva at the thought.  Eyes closing, he breathed deeply remembering the taste and smell of her.  Fingers still wrapped around hers, his hand started to slowly drag hers down his chest to his thrumming need.

No. Shouta stopped himself.  Though he was sure she would be fine with him using her hand, or waking up with him between her legs, he couldn’t just do it.  As well as he knew her, Teris wasn’t aware of just how close the two of them truly were.  He didn’t want her to think he had just presumed, or worse taken what he wanted without care.

He decided to shower first.

Even though he hadn’t crashed here in more than a year and a half, the bag of clothes he kept in Hizashi's guest room closet was still there. The clothes were a bit musty but at least they were clean and without cum stains.

Wet hair dampening his charcoal shirt, Shouta entered the dining area and remarked on the lack of smell.  “No coffee?”

Hizashi gestured to the ticking clock he had impatiently watched while waiting for his friend. “It’s four-fifty in the morning, Man.”

“Exactly.” Shouta gruffed, heading to the kitchen to make a pot.

Hizashi watched him, fingers tapping out a sped-up beat to possibly a new lyric of his song.

Shouta's red, tired eyes had held something Hizashi had rarely seen in them.  A light of happiness.  His chest swelled with a sort of pride at that.  He had done that.  He was the reason his friend was happy. Well Teris was; but it wouldn’t have happened if not for him.

He might have reluctantly suggested sharing as a way to assure keeping his girl.  But having seen his usually down and tired best friend with a happy light in his eyes, Hizashi had to admit that some of the side effects of his decision weren’t all bad.

Shouta was a pro hero and teacher who worked himself ragged. The man gave so much of himself never asking for anything in return. He was the best friend Hizashi could've asked for.  He deserved to have that bit of light shining in his eyes all the time.  He deserved to be happy.

Hizashi's own happiness faltered. It was just a shame that Shouta's happiness came from being with Teris.

“We gotta talk, Man.”

Shouta returned with a black coffee for him and an overly sweetened one for Hizashi.  “You said that already.”

“You can’t just take another turn when I’m there without checkin’ with me.”

Shouta swallowed his irritation and took a seat.  Teris wasn’t some ride that they lined up for.  More than that, Shouta didn’t feel he should have to check with anyone, especially not when Teris had said she wanted to go again.  But he kept his peace and tried to think of it from Hizashi's point of view.  He certainly wouldn’t have liked it if he had been waiting and Hizashi went again without care or question.

“You’re right.”

Hizashi blinked in surprise.  Well that had been easier than expected.

“So, we gotta lay down some ground rules.  Yeah?”

Shouta sat back, running a hand through his hair, and sighed. “Yeah.”

18.2

Teris had woken up in bed alone, and for a brief moment had doubted the night had actually happened.  Then she heard Hizashi talking and even though she couldn’t hear Shouta, she could imagine his low, sedate voice during Hizashi's pauses.  Her guys, she thought with flushed excitement and disbelief.

Getting up she turned on the shower and stepped under the spray as soon as the water warmed.  Eyes closed, she let the hot water soothed her aching muscles.  She could bask in there forever, or at least until the hot water ran out.

Lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear the bathroom door open, or see the person who had entered and undressed.  So when a body slipped in and pressed up behind her, she startled with a squeak.

“Jumpy.”

If she hadn’t instantly known it was Shouta from the feel of his strong chest and gentle, calloused touch, the deep rumble of his voice would’ve confirmed it.

“Some pro hero I am.” She half jested.

Dismissing her critic, Shouta wrapped his arms around her. “There’s no reason for you to be on alert.  Not when you’re home, safe with me.”  He pulled her flush against him and kissed her neck, noting the way her skin prickled.  “What’s the matter, Love?  Water suddenly cold?”

“Tickles.”

“What? This?”  He rubbed his stubbled chin over her shoulder.

“Yes.” She giggled, squirming.

Shouta hummed, smiling softly. “You seemed to like the feel of it well enough last night.”

“I did. I do!  It feels amazing.”

“You’re amazing.”  He murmured, lips brushing her skin.

Her back bumped his chiseled chest.  “You’re a fool.”

“A fool for you.”  Shouta immediately grimaced.

It was something Hizashi would say.  A cheesy line that he would want to roll his eyes at. but refrain; because if he rolled his eyes every time Hizashi said something stupid he’d never see a thing.

Her hands ran over his forearms still locked around her waist. “Shou?”

“Hum?”

“I know what we agreed but…”

Shouta's lips paused on her neck.  His shoulders tensed, breath catching in his throat. Had she changed her mind?

“Are you sure?”

He relaxed, exhaling.

His nose traced a circle around one of the many hickies he had left. “Positive.”  Ignoring Hizashi's, he kissed the marks he had made up to her ear.  “Do you still doubt my feelings for you?”  He pressed his hips against her, letting her feel his hardening cock. “I’d gladly prove my love over and over again.”

It wasn’t that she doubted.  Shouta was a man of his word who would never lie or joke about such a thing as love. It was only that she found it difficult to grasp that the man she had secretly loved since their first year at UA loved wanted her in return.

Rather than say that, she leaned her head back against him.  “Perfection doesn’t need practice, Raven.  And last night, you were…”  She groaned, body responding to the memory.  “Amazing.”

“One can always get better, Kitten. And with as good as I wanna be at pleasing you, I definitely need the practice.”

“Just how much practice are we talking about?”

“Lots, and lots of practice.”

“Lots?” She giggled, at the tickle of his scrapping scruff.

“So much practice.”

“Sounds like a lot of work.”

Shouta hummed in agreement. “I already plan on cutting down my patrol hours to cope.”

She pulled away and turned. “You are?”

He nodded, body chilling at the loss of her despite the steamy air.

There was nothing but clear, serious intent in his eyes and Teris didn’t know if that troubled or assured her.

Shouta stepped to closer. Hot water hit his chest, wandering rivulets trailing down his body.

Teris swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. It took every ounce of self control to hold his gaze and not let her eyes follow those tiny, curving streams.

“Why do you sound so surprised? This—You, are far more important.”

She shook her head.  “I—I’m—”

“Are everything to me.”  He finished for her.

Her self control broke, eyes lowering to take in his wet, naked body.

Shouta let his gaze do the same, cock coming to full hardness and twitching at the sight of her.

She whimpered watching his proud, bobbing dick.  She wanted to touch it.  To touch him.

“Now…” Shouta grinned. “About that practice.”

Teris shivered at his deep, husky rasp.  Her eyes lifted to his.  He was wearing a smile that showed too many teeth and she loved it.  She loved him.  Who was she to deny her Love?

Shouta was on her before she could move, stepping her back till her back was against the shower wall.

She gasped, the tiles cold against her heated skin.  Her hand slid down his defined chest, following the glistening streams of water.  She groaned into his hungry mouth at the first feel of dark, wiry hair that trailed to a far more delightful prize.

Shouta grunted, hips thrusting at the first touch of her hand on his thrumming cock.

Her hand closed, fingers unable to meet around his thickness. She could feel him throb in her hold and groaned, remembering how he felt inside her.

Shouta's hands smoothed around her waist and down to her ass.  Groping a cheek in each hand he pulled her up, pressing in against her.

“I want you.”

“I want you too.”  She breathed.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” She said, without hesitance.

“Then trust I won’t drop you.”

Before she could gather what he meant, she was lifted up.

Teris yipped, arms and legs clapping around him.

Face against the side of her head, Shouta soothed. “It’s alright, Kitten.  I got you.  I won’t let you go.  I’ll never let you go.”

Her hold eased, body rolling at the hard, hot feel of him.  “Shou…  Please. I need you, Raven.”

Shouta groaned.  How long had he waited to hear her say those words in the waking world?

“It’s alright, Ris. I’m right here.  I got just what you need.”

She squeaked when one of his hands let go, but his hold remained strong and sure.

“I told you I got you.”  He smirked.

Damn, she thought. No one had the right to look that confident and hot.  Arms around his neck, she pulled him to her.  Her tongue swiped between his lips, teasing his out.

Shouta’s foot slipped.

He widened his stance, shifting Teris and their center of gravity.  What the hell was he thinking? He couldn’t have against the wall shower sex on his third time ever. Rationally speaking, he should at least have regular wall sex first just to be sure he could keep his legs.  But from the moment he had walked in, he had been far from thinking rationally. He just hoped he didn’t crack his head open.

The head of his cock pushed in, splitting her wide.

Teris’ nails dug into his shoulders.

Shouta grunted, finding it not as easy as to sheath himself as it had been the first time.  His hips pumped and pulled back, slowly rocking his weeping dick into her tight heat till he was firmly seated in place.

Teris groaned, face buried in his neck.  How was it that he felt even bigger than last night?

“Look at me, Kitten.”

Her head lifted, eyes searching his.

“So beautiful.”  He kissed her and rested his forehead against hers.  “You ready?”

She nodded.

“Words, Ris.  Let me hear you.”

“Yes. Please, Shouta.  I want you.”  Her hands tugged at his neck.

Shouta gave a testing thrust, pleased when his feet held firm.

“You and I are gonna have to talk about what you’re comfortable with.” He said, driving into her at a firm, sedate pace.

“Wha--” She moaned, head rolling when he found the spot within her.

Shouta hummed, pleased with how quickly he had hit it.  “I wanted breakfast in bed.”

“What?” Her brow furrowed in pleasure and attempted concentration.

“Can I eat you awake, Kitten?”

Her half lidded eyes widened.

He bit back a curse at the way she tightened around him.  While he loved knowing the full effect such a thought had on her; maybe now wasn’t the best time to bring it up, not if he hoped to last.

Even so, he couldn't help but taunt.  “Would you like that?  To wake-up with my mouth on that pretty pussy of yours?  Tongue lapping up your sweet juices, or driven deep into your hot little hole.  Lips wrapped around your clit, sucking and licking that perfect little bundle of nerves till you leave a pool of slick--”

“Shouta!”

He chuckled at her shivered moan.  “Your body seems to like the idea.  But I need to hear it from you, Kitten.  Tell me.  Would you like that?”

“Yes.” She panted, hips rolling to meet his.  “Yes!”  Her fingers raked up the back of his neck to his scalp, clutching a fistful of hair.

Shouta hissed, hips and feet staggering at the electrifying sensation.

Teris smiled knowingly, and gave another tug.

Her wicked grin wasn’t missed by Shouta who gave the back of her thigh a slap that echoed in the confined space. “Little Minx.”

She yelped more out of surprise than from the light sting. “You seem to know all my spots.  Why can’t I abuse the few of yours I’ve discovered?”

You know more than a few, he thought.  You know them all, just like you knew to call me Raven.  It’s in there, Teris. You just have to remember it.

“You want abuse do you?”  He gave a sharp thrust, the sound of wet skin hitting loud within the shower stall. “How about I abuse that pretty pussy of yours and nail you to the wall?”

“Fuck!” She hugged his neck.  “Yes!”

“Where’s your manners, Kitten.  Say, please.”

“Please! Please, Master.  Fuck me!”

Shouta's cock thrummed at the name.

“Fuck!” His hips slammed against hers, hand diving between them.  “Master’s got you, Kitty Cat.” His thumb pressed against her clit, rubbing tight circles.

Her back arched, toes curling.  “Shou!”

“You take my cock so well.”

“I love…”

“What do you love, Kitten?”

“You. I love you.”

“I love you, Teris. So much.” Shouta kissed her but had to pull away to breath.

Her nails sunk deep into his shoulders as his thumb and rutting cock drove her ever closer to her peak.

Shouta hissed at the pleasured pain, taught muscles rolling and jerking.

“Kitten has claws.”  He lifted her up, dropping and splitting her open on his thick dick. “Maybe you’re not my good little house cat after all.” He bit her neck, sucking a fresh claiming mark. “Are you a naughty little alley cat that needs to be taught and tamed?  Want me to put a on collar you and punish you when you’re bad?  Fed you my milk and have you sit on me, warming my cock till that tight little pussy forgets what it feels like to be empty of me.”

Shouta wasn’t one to babble, but he was doing so now.  He was so use to them taking each other through when they got themselves off in their shared dreams that doing so now felt natural.  Only in the real world with the actual feel and taste of her, the words tumbled from his mouth without thought.

It was frenetic.  Something he couldn’t have stopped if he tried.  But from the way her silken walls quivered and clenched around him, she liked it too.

Then again, why wouldn’t she? She was the same Teris from their dreams.  And in there she not only loved it when he talked to her like that, she talked right back.  If only she could remember.  Why wouldn’t she remember?

“Tell me what you want, Ris.”

Her breath was heavy and panted.  “You!  I want you, Raven.  Please.  Please, Shouta!”

“Please what, Kitty Cat?”  He pressed harder against her clit.

She screamed out, the sound beautiful to his ears.

“Tell me what you want.”

“Harder. Fuck me harder, Shou. Fill me up with your cum.  Please, Master!  Please!  Give me your milk.  I need you’re—ah!”

“Shi—it!” Shouta cussed and did just that.

He gave two hard thrusts that knocked the air out of her, then unloaded into her quivering cunt.

If Teris’ coil hadn’t snapped seconds before, the feel of his pulsing dick spitting thick, hot ropes of cum would've set her off.

Shouta grunted, hips pushing him deeper and deeper as the last of his milky seed pumped out, painting her walls.

Face buried into his neck, Teris licked and kissed in between heavy pants and spent moans.

As badly as Shouta wanted to stay in her, he had to set her down.  His orgasm had hit him so fast and hard it left him weak and trembling.  He would get better he told himself, pressing against her to hold them both upright against the wall.  He would practice with her, and his control would get to the point that he could make her lose complete control.

He smiled, chest warming with possessive pride as he took note of the new marks littering her neck and chest.  He would have to get better at controlling that too, and before school started. Unless she let him teach her how to use his capture weapon…

“Breakfast is ready if you two are done getting dirty while getting clean?”  Hizashi poked his head through the door.

Shouta swallowed his annoyance at the disturbance.  After all it had been Hizashi who suggested he come fetch Teris and take his time about it.

Teris shut off the water.

Shouta stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and handing Teris one.

Hizashi watched them, noticing the fresh marks on his girl. There was a definite weight of jealousy but it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t cope.  He wasn’t exactly happy with how loud Teris had been during the obvious sex she and Shouta had had. But if didn’t burn as badly as he had thought it would. Besides, it would help prove to Teris that he was really okay with sharing, and earn him some goodwill with Shouta.

He moved to her, kissing her damp brow.  “Rested and refreshed, Baby?”

She pulled on one of Hizashi’s many band tee’s and gave him a pecking kiss in return. “I slept well.”

“I bet you did, Sweetness.  Shou and I tuckered you out good.”

She ignored the heated flush of her cheeks. “When did you get up?”

Hizashi waved her off. “You know me, Wren. I keep worse hours than you and Shou combined.  So what do you think?”

She began towel drying her hair. “About what? Breakfast? Yeah.  I’m starving.”

“No, Babe. About moving.”

The towel dropped. “Moving?”

Hizashi looked at Shouta.  “You didn’t tell her?”

Shouta let his dripping hair curtain him off from his friend's accusing gaze. “Did get a chance.”

“Yet you had enough time to--”  Hizashi stopped and took a breath.

Calm. He had to stay calm.  He was the one who sent Shouta in here after all.  Sure he had told Shouta to take his time; but he had also told the man to tell Teris about their decision to move.  He had thought she would take it better from Shouta, especially if was followed by sex.

“Zashi.” Teris prodded, looking between the two men.

“You wanna live with Shouta too, right Baby?”

A part of Hizashi hoped she’d say no, or want to slow things down.  Just because they were sharing didn’t mean that she had to accept Shouta to the level that she did him.  They had been dating for two years before she moved in with him.  It would only be fair if she made Shouta wait just as long.

“Yes.” She mumbled, still guilt and unsure about it all.

“Ris! Don’t sound so sorry, Babe! What did I tell ya last night?”

Maybe it was better coming from him, Hizashi thought.  It would help prove to her that he truly was fine with this and didn’t hold it against her.  And since actions, even if they were acted, often effected thoughts, maybe it would help him feel truly fine with it.

Shouta stepped to her.  “Are you sure?  I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

He says after agreeing to the move and talking about possible places, Hizashi thought.

Teris smiled, placing a hand on Shouta’s bare chest. “You’d never make me feel pressured.”

Hizashi sniffed and looked away.  She hadn’t meant it as a dig against him, but he felt a piercing prickle at the statement nonetheless.

So what if he pressured her from time to time, he thought. It wasn’t as if she didn’t end up enjoying whatever it was eventually.

“But… Where would we move?”  Teris wondered, looking back at Hizashi.

“I had an idea about that.” Hizashi grabbed the hand she had on Shouta and pulled her to him. “What d’ya say we build a place?”

“Build!” Teris balked.

Shouta shook his head, picking up his still damp shirt from his earlier shower. “I’m not doing that.  Too much time and effort.  I told you.  I don’t care where or how much so long as we’re settled in before the new school year, and it’s not too far from UA or my or Teris’ patrol route.”

Hizashi had to admit Shouta had a point about wanting to be close to work.  And if they built they’d have to move further out of the city center to find a suitable property.  He didn’t want to be that far from the party scene.

“I care very much how much!”  Teris stressed looking between the two.

She wasn’t some celebrity pro hero like Hizashi who had paid gigs and merchandise sales.  Nor was she able to call on funds from her family or some trust like Shouta.  Most of the pay she got still went to others who needed it far more than she did.  The only reason she let Hizashi talk her into letting him cover all of the rent here was because the little pay that she did keep was needed to secure new CI’s.

“How about an old warehouse between your patrol routes and the station?”  Hizashi asked the other man, thinking it’d be nice to be able to walk, instead of drive home after signing off the air.

“Warehouse?” Teris echoed thinking about the cost.

Eyebrows furrowed, Shouta stuffed his arms through his shirt. “Too big.”

“We don’t hav’ta use the entire space.  In fact, we could leave the ground floor pretty much untouched and turn it into a training ground.”  Hizashi tempted.

Shouta halted, shirt gathered to pull over his head.

Hizashi saw the mans eyes brighten at the prospect. Gotcha, he thought.  “I’ll look around and work up some plans.  Yeah.”

Shouta pulled the shirt over head and grumbled. “I don’t want to have to mess with designing a layout.”

“I said I’ll look around and work up some plans.”

“Also don’t wanna have to pick stuff out. So long as the bed and sofa are big enough and comfortable I don’t care.”

Hizashi snapped, shooting fingers guns at his friend. “Good thing I’m awesome at details and decor.”

Shouta wrinkled his nose.  “Nothing too out there.  And don’t go crazy with the colors.”

Hizashi rolled his eyes.  He had seen Shouta's place.  The complex was run down and downright scary at night.  The apartment itself not much better.  While the sofa had been top notch, with good quality leather and plush, comfortable cushions; everything else had been plain and cheap.  Not that there had been much else inside. Just the sofa, coffee table, a table and two chairs.  He hadn’t gone into the bedroom; but assumed it was the same bare bones furnishing with no decor.

“Anything else?”  Hizashi asked.

Shouta started to shake his head then stopped.  “No slip tiles in the shower.”

Hizashi forced his smile to remain.  “You had that problem too, huh?  I have a bath mat for that, but the cleaning lady always forgets to put it back down.”

Shouta looked away, telling himself that he didn’t care so long as he got to be with Teris.

“Oh.” He turned back. “And a separate bedroom.”

“Of course!  You and I will get our own room and huge one for us to share with our girl.”

Still reeling from all of this, Teris finally spoke up. “Where’s my room?”

“What do you mean, Babe?”

Shouta wondered the same.  When he had said separate room he had meant one specifically for just him and Teris.  He knew that they would probably be spending most nights in the same big room, with Teris sandwiched between him and Hizashi.  But on the nights when Hizashi had to work late or was away, he wanted a room that she and him could share without the memory of Hizashi being in it and over her.  It wouldn’t be his room, as Hizashi had put it.  It would be his and Teris’ room.  But here she was asking for a room of her own, separate from him?  Why would she want that?

“Baby, you’re gonna have the biggest room in the house!  It’s gonna have a big ol’ bed where Shou and I will rock your world each night and—”

“That’s our bedroom. You and Shouta get a room.  A place to breathe and be away—”

Hizashi looked positively wounded.  “You wanna be away from us?”

Teris shook her head.  “That’s—”

“You’re already planning on us arguing and needin’ some space?  You never needed space when it was just us.  Or did you and simply never said?”

“Zashi. That’s not what I—”

“Did I do something wrong, Baby?  Why do ya wanna be away from me?” Hizashi swallowed his growing worry, jaw clenching.

First he hadn’t been enough, and she wanted Shouta.  Now she wanted her own space away from him.  Was he still going to lose her?  Even after everything he had done.

“Let her speak, Zashi.”

Though Shouta was slightly hurt by her words, he was calm and watchful enough to see that they might've misunderstood.  At least he hoped they had.  He had been forced to spend years away from her after finding out that she was actually real. Now that they were finally together, he didn’t want to spend a single night without her.  It would be like it had been when they had shared dreams on a nightly bases, only better cause here they could touch.

Teris smiled her thanks at Shouta. “I’m not asking for a separate bedroom.  Just a separate space to work and call my own.”

She didn’t see the big deal.  She had one here.  While most of her time spent in the small office was when Hizashi was out or away for work, it was still hers.  Filled with furniture she had bought and brought with her in the move.  As wonderful as it was living with Hizashi, after years of living on her own, she needed something to call her own.  Especially when Hizashi insisted on paying for everything.

Shouta's chest lightened.  She didn’t want a place to rest away from him. She just wanted a space to breath and be alone for a bit.  He could understand that.  He had claimed a storage closet at UA for that very same reason. Sure he had his classroom; but even when it was empty of students there was usually someone knocking or bursting in to bother him.

Teris looked at the two men.  Her guys.  Why would they think she’d want a separate bedroom? Hizashi who she had spent two years in a long distance relationship with.  The two of them had talked on the phone each night wishing that they could touch and hold each other instead of a small, hard unforgiving device. Shouta who she had spend years wanting and pinning over.  Even now her fingers twitched wanting to feel him.  Body burned wanting to be against him.  She didn’t want to spend a single night without either of them.  She loved them.

Hizashi's lips twitched.  So she wanted a space like the office she had claimed.  He wasn’t entirely happy with that; but seeing as Shouta was fine with the idea, there wasn’t much he could say against it.  It wasn’t as if she spent much time in there, he consoled himself. Still, with him now having to share her with Shouta, he didn’t like the idea of her sharing her time with anyone else, even if that person was herself.

[feral-anarchy]

Drama with TDP... Again

Quick Edit:  I am NOT choosing sides. I am still open to any and all information. I am simply giving you a side of a story I believe plays some part in all of this. Do with it what you will.  I am going to continue doing what I have been doing since the beginning until more information presents itself. If Aaron is bad- He will be dead to me and I will advicate for his immediate removal within the prefession as well as protection for these girls. Justice. If the girls are lying- I will continue to support Wonderstorm and keep doing what im doing now without much change. 

If you come to me aggresively, I will not aknowledge you, I will block and move on. Though I will still answer questions and take in any information with an open mind and a calm tone.  Secondary Edit:  I realised some of my times were off and a helpful anon was able to present me with a more accurate timeline. Ive copy and pasted their message to me so that you can have the accurate times.  Please be aware of this before reading the post below. I will not edit my original post as I wish to keep the original content intact to avoid possible confusion.  “The story with the aaravos blog can't have happened last year in april. That would make it april 2018 and the dragon prince wasn't even released before october 2018. All of this happened this year. Dani left in June. Lulu left like a couple of months later. August or september? But anyways it's not true that they left wonderstorm a year ago. It's been merely a few months and Lulu's departure is super recent.“ Final Edit: After searching on Twitter, I have come across this image. Aaron has spoken about this when it originally came out and had this to say of it. (This is a private message to someone who then went on to make it public.) 

~~~~~~~~~~~ Original Post Below ~~~~~~~~~~~ I really do not want to give any more effort into this but I feel that I must post. Im unsure of how many this will reach but I believe you need to know something before you continue to blindly choose sides. 

Listen, at the end of the day you will choose your ‘side’ though I wish there was no need for sides. 

This drama that is appearing all over twitter is OLD NEWS. Danika and Lulu DO NOT and HAVE NOT worked at Wonderstorm since this all went down a year ago. 

Here is my take on all of this: 

A year ago, I believe it was April? There was a very popular blog called Ask-Aaravos-Anything. This blog was liked and followed by a lot of the fanbase.  Well, out of the blue there were accusations of AAA child luring, having NSFW material littering their blog and not taking into consideration the younger fans. 

Now, anyone who actually interacted with this blog knew all of that to be absolute lies. AAA was always very traight forward, took everything into consideration, repeatedly reminded us to be mindful of how we tag things and never had actual nsfw materials on their blog. 

At the time Danika was managing the tumblr tdp blog. Danika DMed AAA and was vile and aggressive in her messages, enough so that AAA deactivated shortly after.  You can still find some of the screenshots of the actual DMs as well as some DMs of AAA conversing with others about what happened and how they had felt about it and why they were deactivating.  Soon after AAA’s deactivation, we got news that Danika had been scolded for her actions (As the entire fanbase who knew what was going on got up in arms about it) and she suddenly, convenietly had ‘another better job oppertunity’ And shortly after that we began to hear of general workplace harassment and gaslighting and sexual harassment from Danika.

As you know, that brought everyone up in arms once again and there was discourse. Then her friend, Lulu popped up as well with the same talk of harassment and having to deal with a negative work enviroment. Being in this industry for one is absolutely grueling, its not for everyone. It can be as bad as being in the film industry with actual actors.

Eventually things simmered down and life moved on. 

Both Danika and Lulu have had an ENTIRE YEAR to talk about this, to continue pushing the issue, to continue speaking of these issues- they were fine speaking of it last year. Yet they remained quiet for all this time. 

Now, when season 3 is about to drop, when Netflix likes to cancel shows, at this critical moment- they suddenly both pop up again?  Neither of them work there anymore, this shouldnt be an issue for them anymore. Especially when they had ALL THIS TIME to talk of it. Yet they didnt. 

And in regards to Danika stating they already had season 3 ready long, long ago- I have been in this industry briefly and I know people who are still in it, thats not how these things work. I doubt they were done months and months ago and were just sitting around doing nothing. Animation takes time- I wont get into it but its a lot. 

Now listen.. As hard as it might be to swallow, we DO NOT know all the facts, only what we have been told by Danika and Lulu. And with Aaron refusing to make any statements or even acknowleding theres anything going on its hard to gather any real information- and we wont. We will not get anymore information, we will not get any more facts. 

Unless authorities are involved or someone brings in a hidden camera into the studio, we will never know what the actual truth is. If it comes out that the girls are right then I’ll eat a spreader bar. 

But I am going to continue supporting TDP and those who are part of this creation. (I dont care about Aaron, I care about the animators, voice actors, sketch artists, ect) I am going to continue posting content, continue writing fanfic, continue interacting with TDP related blogs. 

Because I find it VERY suspicious this crap pops back up right now when its been so silent for an entire year. 

If you couldn’t tell already, I already am wary of these girls because of what they did to AAA and the community at the time. 

I refuse to be a mindless follower, I will not take sides until there are actual FACTS presented.  I know this all sounds harsh, but I am wary of trusting anything spoken without proof. I have proof- just look it up, the old screenshots are still floating around.  Im a assault survivor too- I am in full support if this all comes out to be true- and Ill eat that spreader bar. 

I just thought I would put in my two cents and let you all know what originally went on, and why i am suspicious of this all flaring up again after being silent for so long.  I will not be speaking of this again, nor will I be posting another big post such as this. However I will answer any questions you may have on this topic.  Im not bashing on the girls, I am simply wary of believeing anything they say after what they did to AAA. 

[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety”. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[mischiefandspirits]

Who is Iron Man?

After a three month imprisonment by terrorists, child genius Tony Stark was rescued by an unknown entity. Who is this Iron Man? The world wants to know.

SI Founder Found Dead

By Kate Mallory - December 17, 2009

Today we mourn the loss of a technological superstar.

Last night, a car accident took the life of Stark Industries founder and CEO Howard Stark (age 87) as well as his wife Maria (age 79) and daughter Amanda (age 34). The family was reportedly on their way to the airport for a vacation in the Bahamas when, according to police representatives, one of their car’s tires blew out causing the vehicle to crash into a tree on the side of the road. Howard and Maria were pronounced dead on arrival while Amanda died en route to the hospital.

As Amanda was an only child and never married, the family is survived solely by her son, child genius and media rascal Anthony “Tony” Stark (age 8). A sudden illness had sprung up that morning, causing him to need to stay home with a family friend and saving him from the deadly crash.

Questions have begun to rise up over the future of both Stark Industries and the young Stark, but SI has only given a quick statement before closing all lines of communications for the time being. The statement, in short, revealed that Stark Industries COO Obadiah Stane would be taking over as CEO temporarily until Stark’s will can be seen to. Likewise, young Tony is set to remain with the mentioned unnamed family friend until such time.

Read on for a full obituary and discussion on what this could mean for the future of Stark Industries >>

BREAKING NEWS: A Stark Disappearance

By Tech-miss - January 26, 2011

A late-night posting, I know, but I’ve got big news, readers! A leak from within Stark Industries has just revealed that the company’s prized heir is currently MIA on the other side of the planet.

Two days ago, Tony Stark had been in Afghanistan for a demonstration of the Jericho Missile -- a revolutionary missile system utilizing SI’s repulsor tech -- when the military convoy escorting him fell under attack. When backup arrived, many of the soldiers were either dead or injured while Stark was nowhere to be found. A team has already been formed for search and rescue, headed by Colonel James Rhodes: USAF officer, military liaison to SI, and friend of Stark’s.

That was all the leak was willing to say, but requests have already been flooding in for further comments from the airforce, SI, and Stark’s legal guardian Obadiah Stane so I’ll be sure to update you all the moment I get more information!

Comment down below with your thoughts and theories my fellow techies!!!

The Child of Death Back From the Dead

By Ryan Prince - May 2, 2011

The business and technology worlds are in a stir today and unsurprisingly it’s all due to Tony Stark.

The nine-year-old returned to the states today after having been rescued less than a week earlier from his three-month imprisonment at the hands of the Ten Rings terrorist organization. True to form, he immediately made a scene.

Mere moments after Stark was reportedly supposed to have stepped off his plane, his minder and personal assistant Virginia “Pepper” Potts reached out to the Stark Industries public relations department to call together a press conference for Stark. Bolts&Blogs was on the list and I was lucky enough to be free to represent the site even with the short notice.

Stark opened the conference without the usual flare that has become his signature over the past year, though he did start it by sitting down in front of the podium with a cheeseburger and asking everyone to join him on the floor. He explained it away as an attempt to make everything less formal, but the boy was (justifiably) visibly exhausted by recent events.

Little information has been revealed about Stark’s imprisonment, but it’s hard not to imagine what he might have gone through and his appearance only makes it worse. He was thin with malnourishment and the rush makeup job he had gotten hadn’t managed to completely cover the bruises across his face or his sunburned flush. One of his arms was tucked into a sling and his artfully styled hair was now long and limp. There was also a seriousness about him that looked alien on the formerly excitable and mischievous boy.

Once everyone but those operating cameras had sat, Stark then proceeded to greet his legal guardian, Stark Industries CEO Obadiah Stane (Why Stane hadn’t been at the airport to greet his ward sooner is unknown at this time), before setting into a monologue about his grandfather, the late founder of Stark Industries Howard Stark (More information here). He wondered over what Howard had thought about the company, if he had doubts or was as confident in everything he did as the news painted him.

He then mentioned the soldiers from his escort that had died due to, as reports have hinted, Stark Industries made weaponry, stating that the company had “grown from arming the knights into arming the dragons.”

When questioned about what had happened in Afghanistan, Stark answered as such:

“I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. I know I have no power to change the company until I’m legally declared an adult and can claim my inheritance, so that is why, effective immediately, I am leaving the weapons manufacturing division of Stark Industries until such a time as I am capable of deciding what the future of this company will be, what direction it should take and is consistent with the highest good…”

Whatever more he had to say was lost as Stane escorted him off the stage into Potts’ waiting grasp. The man, despite his ever-present smile, had clearly been caught off guard by his ward’s statement and quickly concluded the conference.

As anyone who knows anything about technology could tell you, nothing worth talking about comes out of Stark Industries without the tiny fingerprints of the company’s resident genius on it, which begs the question of what this means for their weapons department? Will they still be able to stay ten steps ahead of their competitors without Stark’s designs? Where will Stark’s focus go now as Stark Industries has always been first and foremost a weapons manufacturer? I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.

[Subscribe] to Bolts&Blogs for the most up to date information from the world of technology and feel free to join the discussion down below!

Hidden Hero

By Tech-miss - June 27, 2011

New information has come out regarding Tony Stark’s rescue, readers, and it’s a doozy.

For starters, it wasn’t the USAF that did the rescuing.

According to the report published early this morning, an “unknown entity” (Let’s call him Uno) launched an attack on a Ten Rings base which the air force later realized was being used to hold Stark as well as a second unnamed prisoner (aka Doc) who had been brought in to treat the injuries he’d gained during his kidnapping. Uno then staged a rescue, freeing Stark and Doc before destroying the base. Afterwards, they watched over the two until a USAF chopper began to close in, at which time they took off and disappeared.

As far as anyone can tell from the report, the USAF doesn’t appear to have any idea who the rescuer is. Stark apparently didn’t have a clue and if Doc did, we’ll never know as he, unfortunately, fell unconscious shortly after being picked up due to wounds he received protecting Stark and died not long after while in surgery.

Of course that means theories abound. Everything from a secret SI black ops team to the stereotypical ALIENS!!!! have flooded the forums. I’m particularly interested in one such theory that posits Captain America was the one to save them, if only because all the OP said to justify it was “Cap could do it!!!!!” and I find that hilarious.

Hopefully, we’ll get some more information soon. Here’s hoping Zombie Cap didn’t save Stark for his brains.

Comment down below with your thoughts and theories my fellow techies!!!

Who is Iron Man?

By CamicsComics - October 27, 2011

Hey there CamComs! Today’s post is going to be different from my usual stuff, but that’s because we’ve got confirmation that a real-life superhero is flying around!

Some background that you might be missing if you live under a comic book-lined rock like I do: Five months ago child celebrity and genius Tony Stark was rescued by an unknown person after he’d been kidnapped in Afghanistan. If you’re wondering who would think sending a nine-year-old into an active war zone is a fine idea like I was, then I’ve got two words for you: attempted murderer. But we’ll get to that.

Theories have flown about regarding who might have saved him, and today the world got its answer.

Well, at least we got his alias.

See, while the kid was in Afghanistan he found out his company’s weapons had ended up in the hands of the very guys who were keeping him prisoner. Since most of the weapons were his own designs, the kid understandably decided to leave the weapons business. Honestly, the kid shouldn’t have been there in the first place, but again, his legal guardian was super sketch.

Said guardian was Obadiah Stane. He’d been a partner to Stark’s grandfather Howard Stark and took over as CEO after the man’s death. He’d allegedly been a pseudo uncle to Stark’s mother so people said it made sense the man was given guardianship. Apparently those people never considered the millions of stories about evil uncles killing off their nephews to become king.

Honestly, from what I’ve read, I’m surprised Colonel James Rhodes wasn’t given custody. The guy was friends with Stark’s mother, had a rapport with his grandparents, and is still close with Stark.

Stane had never even met Stark until he was given custody!

I’m getting off track though.

Today during a press conference, Stark revealed that he’s been looking into the dirty weapons. A few days ago, his assistant Pepper Potts found evidence on Stane’s computer that not only has Stane been dealing under the table, but he had put a hit out on Stark. When Stane realized he’d been found out, he decided to finish the job. He attacked Stark and nearly killed him before using an experimental piece of SI technology to try to kill Potts and the agents (they didn’t say who the agents were with, just that they were agents) that had accompanied her to arrest Stane.

Which brings us to the reason for this post.

Apparently the person who had rescued Stark from Afghanistan had been looking into the weapons too and arrived at the mansion Stane and Stark shared just in time to save Stark. Using information the boy gave him, he then flew over to SI to take down Stane.

And yes, I did mean flew. Because this mysterious person the media had dubbed Iron Man is exactly what you’d expect from a name like that. He’s got a high tech suit of armor that can fly and shoot lasers!!! Like I said real-life superhero! Not only that, but he’s got a team of robots to back him up.

Don’t believe me? Look it up! Stark leaked pictures online of said Iron Man taking down Stane to prove he’s not just some kid telling stories, which was quickly followed up by a bunch of different people posting their own pics all over social media to back him up.

When questioned on Iron Man’s identity, Stark refused to comment. However, he did admit that the rumors about Iron Man being his bodyguard were false.

“Although IM came to Afghanistan for me, it was because he’s was a good friend and not because he was being paid as some rumors have suggested. Also, any and all rumors that I created the suit or bots are not only untrue, but also super insulting. The suit is a work of art straight from IM's genius mind and he deserves all the praise for it.”

Of course, people picked up on the “good friend” comment when it comes to trying to figure out the man behind the suit. A theory that Col. Rhodes was Iron Man seemed the most likely as he is close to Stark, headed the search and rescue unit, and graduated MIT with degrees in engineering and physics. However, as some have pointed out, there are photos and videos showing Rhodes with Stark and Potts during the fight between Stane and Iron Man.

That’s it for the past, but what about the future?

For Iron Man’s future, it seems like he’s going to be working with the US military to track down all the dirty SI weapons. For little Stark, things are still up in the air.

Since his legal guardian is out of the picture and he has no living relatives, there is some debate on where he’ll go. Both Rhodes and Potts are trying to get custody. I’ve covered the good on Rhodes, though I should point out his position as SI’s military liaison does put him in an awkward place. Potts is in a similar position as she’s currently Stark’s employee. That said, there’s no denying Potts knows how to take care of him as she basically became his nanny after Stane took control and shifted her from her former position (the PA to the CEO) to being Stark’s PA and minder, which basically means she took care of the paperwork aspect of his job, made sure he was on time for appointments, got him to eat and go to bed, kept him out of trouble, and other such things his legal guardian should have been doing instead of plotting to kill a nine-year-old.

She’s also clearly fond of the kid. There are pictures all over of her and the kid together and even at her most scolding she never really seems to be angry with him (such as in these pictures from a gala where Stark apparently decided to set off a CONTROLLED EXPLOSION!?!?! “For some entertainment”! And apparently this is typical behavior? No one’s ever been hurt, but seriously kid?). In fact, she’s often caught indulging in his more playful mischief (such as these pics that show the two of them dancing at the recent Firefighter's Family Fund benefit where Stark apparently gate-crashed his own party).

We also know she has no fear telling off her boss no matter what considering we’ve got multiple sources to prove that the reason the woman got her job in the first place was because she -- and I’m not kidding here -- forced her way into Howard Stark’s office back when she was just a financial jocky to make him correct an error he’d made on some paperwork. She’d earned a face-full of pepper spray, a job, and a nickname for her bravery, the last courtesy of Tony Stark himself.

Well, sweet CamComs, as much as I’d love to keep talking about this, unfortunately, that’s all I got for now. I’ll be keeping a close eye on Iron Man and Stark (because there’s zero chance that kid won’t get caught up in something again. Heck, maybe he’ll even build his own suit and become the hero’s sidekick. Seems right up the kid’s alley) and keep you updated, but unless something else happens, I’ll be back to my usual content on Tuesday.

Subscribe, like, and share, CamComs! Until next time, be the hero you want to see in the world!

Iron Tweet

By Ryan Prince - November 12, 2011

Does the mysterious superhero Iron Man have a Twitter? It would seem so!

Two days ago, @1r0n_M4n opened with the name 0111 01 1011. At first glance, one might think it was just a fan account, but the accounts first Tweet -- “Is this how I do it @ Tony?” -- was not only liked by Tony Stark, Virginia “Pepper” Potts, and Col. James Rhodes, but Stark also replied to it with “Yeah, but you actually have to use my thing, @1r0n_M4n”. Rhodes followed suit with “Was Iron Man spelled out normally seriously taken already?” and Potts responded with “Yes, but @1r0n_M4n wanted it spelled like that to begin with.” By that point, many had taken notice of the account and it only increased when the account became verified late last night.

While the account has since been flooded with questions about the hero and suit, none have been answered. However, when someone jokingly asked for help with a math homework problem, Iron Man responded with a picture of the problem worked out. This began a slew of people asking for Iron Man’s help with their varying homework problems until Potts spoke up with “@1r0n_M4n you can’t just do people’s homework for them. They need to learn how to do it themselves.” Iron Man immediately apologized and afterward only responded to such tweets with links to varying sites that proved to have useful information for whatever the problem might be. While most gave up afterward, some --usually college-age -- continued to request assistance with grateful thanks afterward.

The account currently has 500k+ followers and growing, but only follows six accounts. Stark, Potts, and Rhodes are obvious, but people have become curious over the other three: @GirlFriday, @Uuuuuuuuuu, and @DUM_E.

@GirlFriday (named F.R.I.D.A.Y.) appears to be a graphic artist. The account boasts no personal tweets, but many designs have been posted, some of which are said to have been sold to different companies. A few Stark Industries logos have even been found on the site, including the current one.

@Uuuuuuuuuu’s (named U) account consists entirely of retweeted music videos with genres ranging from classical to rap with the only comments being a sad or happy emoji for each to apparently give the account owner’s approval or disapproval.

@DUM_E (named Butterfingers) is a more wildcard account. It mostly consists of retweeted recipes and cooking videos, but there are also links to recipes on what appears to be @DUM_E’s own personal cookbook website as well as original cooking videos featuring far less appetizing mixtures (such as the one which features what appears to be motor oil being blended with strawberries, a banana, and almond milk). This seems to be the most curious account though as it is the only one with personal comments, though they are all coded in an odd mix of binary and morse code. Most of the comments either review recipes they’ve tried out or complain of annoying brothers and sisters without giving any names, but that’s not the curious part.

You see, those that put in the effort to decode @DUM_E’s comments realized that the same code was used for @1r0n_M4n’s name. Translated it reads Jay. Although that’s not much to go on, it is more than we had before. That’s not all though, because people have compared pictures from Stark’s workshop to screenshots from @DUM_E’s videos and website to show that the videos were filmed at the kitchenette in the lab. This has led some to believe the account might be a “shitpost” account of Stark’s, though others have argued that the comments about siblings wouldn’t make sense for him. When questioned, @DUM_E responded with a pair of tweets that, when translated, read, “Tony could not make good food like me.” and “If I didn’t make him food and bring it to him, he’d never eat.”

Before anyone else could respond, @1r0n_M4n added, “The recipes in @DUM_E’s videos are his more experimental ones and @TStark rarely partakes in them. @DUM_E usually feeds him the recipes from his site.”

Stark’s Twitter was immediately bombarded with questions of which of the video recipes fell into the “rarely” column, which Stark refused to reply to. Rhodes, however, posted a none too subtle tweet a short time later about how Tony and he agreed motor oil tasted better with bananas than chocolate.

Who could these mystery accounts belong to and how are they connected to Stark and Iron Man? How are Iron Man and Stark connected in the first place? Could these mystery accounts be the key? How many times has Stark eaten motor oil? Time will tell.

[Subscribe] to Bolts&Blogs for the most up to date information from the world of technology and feel free to join the discussion down below!

[aprilwritesabook]

I appolgize in advance for this long ass post haha.

Alright, so here's the deal. This post is gonna be part rant, part confessional, and part inspirational speech. So if your following this blog purely for the updates on my books you can skip it haha.

I know a currently published author. I used to kinda be friends with them in highschool, but it was more like a friend of a friend type deal. But I digress. Point is. They recently released there second book on Amazon. And I really wanna be happy and proud of them, and to see it as an inspirational thing, buuuuut I'm almost 100 sure they are actually a fraud?

And that's not me being bitter. I really really really wish this wasn't the case. But I have the evidence to back this theory up.

1- they claimed that there first book sold out multiple times. And to be fair this one might be at least partially true. Its rated pretty high on amazon, But then again they only have 4 people rate it and three of those people are the editor formattor and artist for the book. Soooo. Yeah I sure hope they rated it well.

2- they are constantly posting stories to there social media that are far fetched at best. They work in a bookstore. And almost every other week its a slightly diffrent story about a customer who "didn't even know" he was the author who would "burst into tears" the second he told them what the book was about because they were just Soooo touched by the message that they wept to a total stranger??? If that had happened even once it would have been an odd occurance. And this is something that apparently happens alllll the time to them. (I hate to drudge up old memes like this, but)

3- this person has recently made a tick tock and a youtube channel. And like, the content isssss questionable? And that's not necessarily a crime or anything. But they give updates about it on social media as if they are speaking to a mass of adoring fans and like...you can see how many subs and views a person has. We know he dosn't have a big fan base. And I know that sounds harsh. But like, some more gullible people have asked him for advise on how to be "successful" and "gain a following", and he answers them with authority. Like he has the answers even though he clearly dosn't? And that feels really... disingenuous at best?

4- along the same vein as 3. They recently made a post on twitter about how they are "overwhelmed by the amount of love and support they have found on the site" and how they get "some many heartfelt messages." Annnd again. I clicked the account. They literally have 5 followers. And not a SINGLE person has EVER liked, retweeted, or commented on a SINGLE tweet of theirs. Not one. Soooo like not only are you pretending to have a huge fan base that dosn't exist your also making up there engagement with you? Which this alone I feel brings validate to my doubts about the other things. Clearly they arn't above blatant lying and extreme over exaggeration. And also they either don't realize we can all seeeee these facts. Or they don't think anyone will actually check and call them on it ?????

Now there's a lot of other examples I could give. But my point isn't to put this ONE person on blast. I'm not trying to start beef or cause damage to their reputation or anything. Which is why I won't say their name or what there books are. The only way you'd know who I'm talking is if you also knew them in real life. In which case you either already know all this, or you should, so you don't fall victim to their lies.

The reason I'm saying any of this at all is because I think I know why they are doing it. And why so many indie authors or would be media mogels feel the need to do this.

The issue with trying to "build an audience" and "self market" yourself, is that you really only have 2 ways of guaranteed sucess.

You either need to have a pre established audience based on success you've already had in the past. (IE youtubers and movie stars writing successful books cause there fans will buy anything of there's reguardless.)

Or you need to buy your way in. Be it by quitting your day job to make social media your full time job, buying ads, hiring a social media person,or hiring a team of people with their own audiences (audio book narrators, cover artists, managers, ect)

And if you don't ALREADY have an audience, and you don't have the funds to BUY your way in, then your just gonna have to get real lucky.

You can be lucky for knowing somebody with an "in". They work in publishing, or advertising, or they're your rich uncle. Just someone who you can go to to get that boost one way or another to get one of the first two methods going for you.

You can get lucky by commenting the right thing on the right post and gaining followers that way. Or by being in the right place at the right time to meet somebody important.

You can be lucky by having lots of supportive friends and family who will promote you and your work FOR you.

Or lastly (and this is in the realm of being a one in a million case here. So it basically never happens without one of the other things I mentioned also being true.)

You can be lucky by working REALLY hard, and being REALLY talented, and having the world actually NOTICE YOU somehow? Just one person with influence who can find you in your dark hole of insignificance and shine a light on you so now the world can actually seee you.

And that sucks.

You could write the greatest book in the whole world. Truly a masterpiece. But if nobody buys it or reads it because they don't know who you are??? Then it dosen't matter does it?

It sucks Soooo hard.

Because untill you get those people with influence to shine a light on you, theres nothing you can do. And the market is soooooo drenched in new indie authors that the odds of the right people finding and liking your book are slim to none.

Its super unfair.

The people who have the influence arn't gonna buy a book with 0 reviews and no social media following.

Why? Because THEIR brand depends on only recommending the good shit. And they need to find that good shit NOW. If they read every book written by nobody's online, they'd have to wade through ALOT of garbage. wasting all their valuable time and money till they found something worthy. And honestly, from a business stand point, you cant really fault them for that

This is where the lies come from.

So basically no matter how you look at it, or what your strategy is, In order to get fans, you need to ALREADY HAVE THEM.

When your just starting out. And I mean truly at square one. It really feels like the only way to "make it" is to "fake it"

If you PRETEND to have a big following. And you PRETEND your books are selling really well already. And you PRETEND that people care deeply about you and your work... Then there is a chance that nobody will do the homework to find out its all a lie.

And if they think your successful already, then it sends a message to the consumers brains of "well they must be good. Everybody loves it/them".

It sucks that so many people who have found real success did so with lies, cash, and being already well connected.

And then they buy it, and they follow you, and the confirmation bias sets in, and eventually you'll dupe enough people into liking you that you don't HAVE to lie anymore.

Those of us with no cash and too high a conscious to lie our way to the top are left with virtually no chance of succeeding no matter how hard we work or how good our content is.

And I'm not claiming to be "better than" or "more worthy" than anyone else. I wanna make it clear that of your in the portion of having it fake it so you can follow your dreams then more power to you. Its a valid strategy. I hate that it works and I hate that its the only option sometimes. But I don't hate the people as creators for "doing what it takes." I get it. Really I do.

And it suckks major ass that so many people feel like this is the only way.

My whole point here. Is that we have slowly built a system where this is our reality. And honestly? End of the day? There's not a damn thing we can do to change it at this point.

In a perfect world made of unicorns and puppies. I could say "hey lets all go ready books by completely unknown authors. Be the change you wanna see in the world." But at the end of the day, especially in the unfiltered world of self publishing, It would be a complete shot in the dark to spend your resources on something completely unknown. We rely on word of mouth, and "best sellers" and high following to do the work of filtering out the bad stuff for us and it would be unrealistic if not impossible to go back on it now. Even if we wanted to there algorithms and shit built into the code. You'll never find the books that Amazon dosnt want you to find unless you search for it directly.

Now comes the confession/inspirational bit

I know all of the above to be true...But I'm choosing not to care

I'm not gonna lie my way to the top. I'm not gonna hide my struggles out of fear of seeming inferior. So here goes

I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. I've been working on it, and I've gotten so much better in recent years. But there are always gonna be times when I slip up and my mental illnesses take over

When I was writing my first book I felt really empowered and good about myself for finally getting past all my own barriers and following my dreams.

And then once I was done writting and editing and I was ready to show the world and get feedback. I flopped.

I couldn't find anyone willing to beta read. Those who said they would do it (even people who claimed they "couldn't wait") ghosted me after I actually sent it to them

I was hoping to get 20 people. I really wanted it to be the best it could be. Only 11 actully signed up. Of that 11, 5 people actually read it: My spouse, my brother, my best friend, and 2 others. Those two others read the first bit I sent them, took a few weeks to get back to me, said they loved it, but then Neeeeeeeeever got back to me when I sent them the next chunk.

Now you can look at all that and come to the conclusion that it sucks. I know I sure did.

The struggles at each step made me doubt myself more and more to the point that I almost gave up writing all together.

And I didn't want to take about it or how it was making me feel, even though it was having a serious impact on me. I wanted to bottle it all up and let it consume me. Allllll because I didn't want people online to write me off as a failure before even giving me the chance.

I wasn't lying about being successful. I was just trying to hide the fact that I wasn't.

And that's almost as bad. Because then all the new authors just feel worse about themselves and their journey because they think they are the only ones.

Your not alone.

Everyone is struggling.

We just aren't talking about it.

I haven't written a word in over a week because I've been so afraid my second book will be dead on arrival like my first.

And I KNOW somewhere out there is someone just like me whose thinking of giving up.

Don't.

Just keep going.

Do your best. And then come find another struggling writer and share with each other. The world outside might not understand your struggle. But another author might.

We can't change the market. We can't change the way social media works, or how people decide if they will buy things

But what we CAN change, is whether those of us within the community want to be honest about our struggles and frustrations. Or if we want to hide them away and lie about them for the sake of making more sales

I think by being honest with one another we can create a better network.

That way the next time you feel like garbage for not being an "instant celebrity" like everyone else. you can look at the community and realize that you were never the problem

If we just keep making new writing friends our collective reach will eventually take hold in the outside world. Don't wait for a random influencer to notice you. Just make one friend at a time. Be known amongst your peers and maybe the rest will follow

And if your a writer desperate for feedback, or just a friend to share your troubles with. Hit me up. My inbox is always open.

[riverrootstarot]

🍃🌰🌹Wednesday Pick-A-Card Reveals🍃🌰🌹

If you haven't had a chance to yet, take a moment to quiet your mind, maybe make some tea, take a breath, and choose a card that calls to you. (Original post is linked here.)

[ Image Description: Three tarot cards laid facedown on a black floral patterned cloth with a little nature treasure above each card. The card backs are yellow with a mandala goddess design, the Mythical Goddess deck. The cards are labeled 1, 2, and 3 from left to right, and the little treasures are a dried rose blossom, an acorn, and a dried/pressed three leaf clover, respectively. End ID. ]

And when you're ready...

🌹

🌰

🍃

🌘

♏

🌘

🍃

🌰

🌹

Here are your messages...

1 | Amaterasu - The Sun: Part of Amaterasu's mythology is of emerging from a cave after hiding Herself away and plunging the world into darkness. You are emerging now, or at least seeing the way out, and back into radiance and joy. Perhaps you're recovering from a traumatic or chaotic time or are beginning to heal after an illness. The Sun represents an optimism even in and despite darkness, the choosing of faith that good energy will return soon. In this card, the posture of Her hands form a yonic shape, representing creation. Like the heart of our own Sun, taking elements and fusing them together can create explosions of light and energy. What might happen if you marry your wounds with the open heart and mind of healing? If we meet our hardships with hope and allowing ourselves to imagine the possibility of better things, finding what they create together rather than letting one shade out the other, how might they shine some light on your situation or mental state? Unfortunately not all our metaphorical caves are things we can control, but if you take some time to reflect and realize the only thing keeping you in the dark is staying there, start taking steps back out into the light. For some this may mean not being able to control the effects of mental illness, but choosing to find ways to mitigate symptoms and detaching your identity from the narratives that the illnesses often convince us are our own. 

[ Image Description: A tarot card laid on a black floral patterned cloth. Above the card is a dried rose blossom. The card depicts the Shinto Goddess Amaterasu, radiant and golden, light emanating from Her. End ID. ]

2 | Morgan le Fay - Sorceress: Language is form of magic, transferring thoughts and ideas from one mind to another, across time and space. The Tarot, in this humble reader's opinion, is also a kind of language, a system communicating ideas from energy into a message. When you know how to listen, you can learn how to speak. Aligned with clever and mutable Mercury, the Sorceress knows what they want and how to communicate it. Likewise, they can listen to understand what's happening around them, what environment they're working in to manifest their desires, and shift accordingly. Be adaptable! Logic and knowledge are a key element to working your will. If you want to work as a baker but haven't learned what bakeries are hiring, or what skills and requirements they are looking for, you're going to waste a lot of energy applying to places that were never a good fit. Take stock of the tools and information available to you right now, figure out what you want and how you have to change and be to achieve it, and then communicate that desire by engaging in this transformation. They say "dress for the job you want", and it's true: start living the life you want now in whatever ways are already available, and let it be the language you speak with the Universe to draw in more of what you're seeking. 

[ Image Description: A tarot card laid on a black floral patterned cloth. Above the card is an acorn. The card depicts Morgan le Fay, from Arthurian legend, bewinged and working magic over a bright flame, a staff of power in Her hand. She stands in a glen of trees at night. End ID. ]

3 | 9 of Seas - Joy: Ever a favorite, the 9 of Seas (traditionally the 9 of Cups) is the Wish Card. What your heart seeks now is coming to you, perhaps already here and bathing you in joy. This blessing might come in the form of material wealth or possessions, but the real gift of it is the emotional bounty it brings. Has money been tight and now that you've got that bonus, you're able to relax and maybe even treat yourself? Perhaps you're riding the waves of a breakthrough in your emotional life, free and flowing and enjoying life with a new perspective of just how sweet even the little things can be. The 9 of Seas is the classic jovial eccentric, delighting in the simple beauty of nature or basic pleasures we often take for granted, like a strong breeze on a hot day or a satisfying meal. Embrace this exuberance for life and let it fill your heart, no matter how corny it might feel. It's important that we take advantage of moments like these and savor and remember them for when tougher times make us doubt that the world is a joyful and beautiful place. Be jubilant! Enjoy things! If you're not living your life right now, then when will you ever start? 

[ Image Description: A tarot card laid on a black floral patterned cloth. Above the card is a dried three leaf clover. The card depicts a figure riding a dolphin as a pod of dolphins leap through ocean waves under a bright sun in a clear sky. The figure's arms are stretched out wide and their expression is one of deep joy. End ID. ]

.

I hope this finds whoever needs it. 🔮🖤

.

🚫 this post, blog, and message are not for transphobes, homophobes, or racists 🚫

[carryonmyswansong]

[All page dividers are created by me. If you’d like to use any of them, please message me. I make these to sell and offer sets of two for $3.]

On  Oct 4th, 2018, I received the following ask, at my old blog:

This is my answer:

First of all you need to know some things about me. I am plus size as well as chronically ill. The other things about me is that I do lots and lots of research, when I answer these questions. I try to base my answers on what I’ve observed in the movies, what I know or find out from the comics, as well as any gaps that are filled in via interviews, tweets, and articles. I write MCU fanfic but most of my characterizations come from a mix of the comics as well as the movies. I also google stuff to make sure I am -historically- accurate… or as historically accurate as I can be.

That being said:

Steven Grant Rogers:

Steve Rogers is the son of poor Irish immigrants. He grew up in Brooklyn. He grew up very very ill. In fact, he spent more of his life ill than not, not counting the time he was in the ice, after crashing the plane. SO growing up in that part of town, he had some exposure to plus size women. Whether they were plus size by the 20/30/40s standards or our own, big women are not new to him, and being who he is, I have no doubts that Steve saw beauty where ever it was. His mama taught him right, is what I’m saying.

Steve even says in the moves that he hates bullies. He’s always been bullied. Always ignored. Never taken seriously. Even as Captain America, before he went on real missions… he felt like a performing monkey. He hated it. That’s not what he signed up for. He didn’t want to be a performing monkey in a fancy suit. He wanted to be a real solider, helping other real soldiers, to fight the enemy.

Steve has like zero experience with women. He didn’t get very far with Peggy and he didn’t like her because she was thin. He liked her because she saw past the sick body and saw him for who he was… and Sharon… Don’t even get me fucking started on that disaster of a relationship… I mean come on. The great niece of the only woman you ever loved? Come on Steve. Do better, buddy.

Captain America is sure of himself. Confident. Strong. Seemingly emotionally stable. Steven Grant Rogers? Probably still thinks of himself as that gangly sickly little man who everyone ignores… and is often baffled when pretty women look at him and flirt with him. He is a super soldier. But he hasn’t been one for very long. Not actively.

Look at it this way: when someone who is overweight looses weight, a switch doesn’t flip in their brain and they automatically have good self esteem or a good relationship with their body. Same with someone who is very sick for a long time and finally gets treatment and a cure. These things take their toll on someone’s mind and Steve is no different. He spent so long being unnoticeable that even tho his body is hard and doesn’t get sick, and probably doesn’t age.. and probably has a bigger dick… doesn’t mean he SEES that as who he is.

And another thing. Steve doesn’t work out because he has to. The serum maintains his metabolism and stamina. Steve works out because now he CAN. I keep mentioning him being chronically ill. Because it is VERY important. He was sick for more years than not (again, NOT counting the time he was in the ice)…. So now he can -just be- and not have to worry about passing out or having an asthma attack or having a heart attack because of his blood pressure… he can run in the winter and not have to worry about catching a cold, of all things… Him working out is his way of celebrating that he CAN do those things now, when he couldn’t before… This doesn’t change how he sees himself though. You can celebrate the better you, while still seeing yourself as the not-so-better-you and still have self esteem issues all the same. Those don’t just go away automatically. That’s not how human brains work.

He’d rather live in Brooklyn, where he grew up, then live in The Tower. He’d also rather do his morning runs through the city, then work out in the gym that Tony build, so he can watch his city come alive (Both of these are canon and easily searchable on google)… I only mention this because it speak to the kind of man Steve is. He loves people. And he loves watching people’s lives unfold… It makes him feel attached in a way that he normally can’t because he spent so long on ice that there’s a big disconnect in how he relates to people

He isn’t gonna care if his girl can “keep up”. No one, except Bucky, and maybe comic!Natasha, can keep up with him. He doesn’t want another super soldier or spy as a partner. He wants someone he can hang up the mantle of Captain America, and just be Steve Rogers, from Brooklyn, with. Period. Someone who will love him for who he is, not his serum, or celebrity status, or paycheck. None of that. He would want someone who SEES him for who he is. Not what he can give them. And Steve isn’t fucking shallow and to assume otherwise is really insulting to the man who grew up almost too disabled to live as long as he did. But somehow his will to live, got him far enough that now he is a super soldier and is Captain America.

Steve is also an artist and sees beauty absolutely everywhere, and yes, even the fat girl he passes on the street who stares at her shoes because she’s afraid to take up space but can’t help it. Steve understands, probably better than most, that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and growing up, he wished people saw him instead of ignoring him. So fat girls? Are not off his radar. And they ain’t gotta be conventionally or “acceptably” pretty, in order for him to notice them.

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes:

Ok, so if you think Bucky is shallow, just cuz he’s fit… then you don’t know the man at all.

He grew up with Steve as his best friend (at least in the MCU, anyways)… They were practically brothers, and since Bucky lost his mom at a very early age, guess who helped raise him before she passed? Yup, Mama Rogers.

Sure, Bucky is often considered a womanizer, in the MCU… But people are so afraid to portray good looking men with fat women because its often presented as a joke… because fat bodies are not seen as good bodies so why would a fit man want to be with a fat body?

Thing is tho, a lot of fit men are with women (and men and other genders) who have fat bodies. And not for fetish reasons either. Its because they are decent people who SEE their partner and not just the fat or the lack of fat or whatever else.

You also need to understand something about Bucky. Bucky of the 30/40s might have been a little full of himself, but he wasn’t shallow. If he was, he wouldn’t have been Steve’s friend. He wouldn’t have interacted with him in public. He wouldn’t have admitted to even knowing the scrawny chronically ill man who insisted on picking fights with men who were much much bigger than him, simply because he saw an injustice that needed tending to. By all rights, Steve was embarrassing. But Bucky is better than that. And loved and accepted Steve for who he is. Period.

So of course he’d be that way with women. He might not have committed to them, but Bucky loves women. And women come in all shapes and sizes. Why wouldn’t he like fat women, too?

Fast forward to Bucky with the metal arm. You know, the arm he needs and if he didn’t have he’d only have ONE ARM WHICH MEANS HE IS DISABLED, NO MATTER HOW ADVANCED THE DAMN ARM IS???????

Bucky ain’t a shallow man. And fit or not, he hates who Hydra made him into. Who cares about the chiseled abs or the ability to run side by side with Steve or the ability to accurately shoot a target in his peripheral vision. They stole his life. They took everything from him. But what they didn’t take from him was the teaching of one Mama Rogers, and the life lessons that come from being best friends with a disabled man. It might have taken him a bit to remember both of those things, but Bucky? Bucky loves women and that will never change. No matter fat or thin.

And have you seen Bucky’s thighs? If that man wasn’t built to bone fat chicks against walls, then I don’t know what even the point of those thighs even are… But he’s better than that. With who he is now? He isn’t just a one night stand kind of guy. He’s in it for the long haul and he isn’t gonna let a little thing like someone’s weight, deter him from seeing the beauty in them.

Steve and Bucky’s fit status and raging metabolism aren’t going to suddenly make them into shallow people who will only love or bone women who are of “acceptable” size. When both men could literally easily carry an overweight girl, over their shoulder, like she is a 5lb sack of potatoes. Because of both of their life experiences, as both disabled or friends with someone disabled, and all that stuff that came with their lives… I really don’t see them ignoring a woman just because she’s not fit or just because she’s got a big belly or can’t run a mile in under a certain time.

You would also do well to remember that people can be healthy at any size and someone’s weight doesn’t determine their health. Just like there are unhealthy fat people, there are also unhealthy thin people… and both can be unhealthy in the exact same way. And both Bucky and Steve are going to know this.

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[Once i get more of my blog settled, I will be transferring over all of my asks. But until then, you can find them HERE.]

[pastelmaybelline-blog]

Why you might say no to anti-depressants

I started this blog for the many women who tell me that they Believe Forced to take meds. They feel pathologized by the identification, such as a scarlet letter D, their name. They come to me because they know I'll work with them to make real changes which are at the center of their symptoms.

However they still have loved ones who do not understand. So here's my List of the best reasons -- logical, smart, evidence-based -- to say no to antidepressants.

Easy does it

As doctors, we take an oath --"first do no harm" -- but then we get Enticed by the seeming simplicity of a one-pill-for-one-ill model. In actuality, it makes no sense to take strong psychiatric drugs as a first line therapy. In actuality, I'd go farther and say that it is reckless. There is peer-reviewed study that implicates lifestyle options in melancholy and upholds medical meditation along with other powerful mind-body methods as more effective than medication. More girls are saying that they would rather begin by taking a hard look at diet, nutrition status, and their personal care regimen.

So how about devoting one month into a lifestyle overhaul and taking it As seriously as others may require a physician's order? Because you are worth it. Pharmaceuticals are dangerous

Drugs are dangerous and potent, and there is no doubt that Americans are carrying too many . It is called iatrogenic drug addiction And it certainly includes psychotropic medication. Do not roll your eyes. I am not talking about some type of conspiracy where malevolent folks sit in a room and plot to hurt people. I'm talking about how the world works. It is an alignment of politics, gains, and incentives. We've got a system which richly rewards individuals who prioritize commercial uses for drug research. Simple solutions that can not be patented will not get the time of day. New medications are fast tracked through the approval process too fast and dangers are ignored -- brief and long-term. A whole lot of what we will need to know about these drugs is locked in a drug company's file drawer cupboard. What has been discovered by these file-drawer studies is that psychiatric meds result in worse long-term effects than no treatment in any way.

If you are not signing up to be reflexively treated as a cog in the pharmaceutical wheel, that is smart medication.

How can a happy pill be so unhappy?

There's not a great deal of pleasure coming from these pills. Take a few minutes to scan the side effects Of commonly prescribed antidepressants and you might have difficulty lifting your jaw off the floor. Listed below are acknowledged and recorded reactions to antidepressant drugs.

Common side effects include:

Agitation, shakiness, nervousness

flu-like symptoms

indigestion and stomach aches

nausea or constipation

dizziness, disorientation, confusion

insomnia or sleepiness

headaches

low sexual drive, erectile dysfunction, problems attaining orgasm

weight gain

excessive perspiration

heart rhythm problems

muscle twitching or pain

shivering

Patients are nearly always told to hang in there since the above Issues generally improve with time. And if they don't solve, physicians start tweaking... they will adjust the dose or add a second and a third medicine. What they typically will not tell you is that things can go really, very poorly . There are other, far more severe reactions, including suicidal thoughts, a desire to harm others or self, seizures, and psychosis. The frightening part is that we do not know how to predict if you might be one of these circumstances. It's literally Russian Roulette, sometimes in as little as 1-2 doses.

If you are wondering how this is possible, I am right there with you. Part of the challenge of working with girls who take meds for any reason is that I am not able to differentiate between symptoms and side effects. It becomes a tangled web of physiological imbalance. They're worse than ineffective

Being a"good patient" can turn you into a patient for life. Consider these research findings, which I summarize in A Mind of Your Own:

There's no validated science which supports a neurochemical explanation for mental illness, including depression.

The placebo effect -- a complex physiologic process based on our beliefs about therapy -- is accountable for what we believe is assisting about these meds.

Medicines acting on these chemical techniques induce the body to adapt.

These adaptations are probably responsible for the poor long-term health effects of the cured versus the unmedicated (who introduced with the very same symptoms).

It is quite possible that these medications fail over time because they induce compensatory adaptations that wind up creating the reverse of what the medication originally intended and this worsening of the disease might not be reversible (even after stopping the drug ).

In other words, Trying to medicate your symptoms may:

Not help whatsoever

Make you sicker

Engender new diagnoses requiring more treatment, which generates additional, unintended side effects

Rob you of the chance to comprehend why you're symptomatic in the first location.

There simply is not a very good case to be made for their efficacy. In Fact, there's absolutely not any case. It is what leads patients to my door, since they're asking, is not there a better way? Ever try to stop?

Here's another dirty little secret in psychiatry. Starting meds is easy. Stopping? Not so much. It is like riding in a hot air balloon. Going up was a piece of cake but it does not happen to most people that down the trip could be a very bumpy ride

Patients are advised that reduction programs vary based on the medication, The dose, the duration, and previous symptoms. It sounds scientific enough. But the reality is that coming off antidepressants can be a horror show. Most individuals don't know that these medications are habit forming so withdrawal may be excruciating and feel profoundly... shameful. Add to the med mayhem that lots of doctors are not taught how to taper and the available advice is not very valuable. Harvard Medical School says:"There aren't any hard and fast rules for getting off antidepressants... some can taper off... in a matter of weeks, while some may take weeks." I'd even add years to this announcement. This should tell you is: A) they do not really know, and B) it may not go so well.

Numbed to existence?

When life deals you a few difficult news, realize that you're having a human experience. You're intended to work through it. What you are not supposed to do would be to suppress awareness and anesthetize the mind. Are you sure you would like to pathologize your pain with investigations and labels, and take pills to suppress awareness? That is exactly what antidepressants do. Imagine feeling... nothing. No sadness, no enjoyment, no pain, no anger, no love. There is something worse than feeling bad and that is saying no to what life has brought to your path.

You can pick a different narrative. You are not broken.

You are smart... life is smart and purposeful and we overlook That expansion and development comes through suffering. In actuality, when my patients cure from meds, all kinds of wild things occur -- they adopt babies, get divorced, move to Europe -- things which were sitting dormant, requiring saying.

People have evolved over millennia to interact with our surroundings with deep wisdom. There is a good reason why you're feeling bad and you Deserve the support and time to find it out. Antidepressants don't Work how you believe they do. They're a tempting fairy tale... a miracle-in-a-capsule that will magically transport you back to yourself. But there is not a single study that supports this myth, that it is Possible for the mind to be efficiently rewired by a 1 size fits all, Synthetic, chemical mixture. And in view of the risks, you deserve To try out every single safer alternative . It is time to empower yourself with A Mind of Your Own.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 90: Restaurant Wars

“Thanks for calling Fish Stew Pizza, we do fries now.”

After a streak of episodes about neglect, mourning, disability, consent, and harassment, I think I’m ready for a goofy one.

Restaurant Wars is the stupidest episode of Steven Universe, and I don’t say that with an ounce of ill will. I do say this with the knowledge that Say Uncle exists: non-canon goofs are what they are, but this story takes place in continuity so it is official that Steven once saved the boardwalk by turning his house into a restaurant and making better food than two food professionals. That will never again be a thing that didn’t happen in his life.

From the start, there’s no attempt to hide the silliness. The conflict begins with Fryman and Kofi screaming “RESTAURANT WAR” at each other and cutting to black. The episode is presented in a series of titled vignettes and never stops treating the Fryman/Pizza feud as seriously as a...

...I can’t even finish that sentence, the principal characters here are named Mr. Fryman and Kofi Pizza. We don’t even know Fryman’s first name, and Kofi’s last name is the word “pizza” and he runs a pizza shop. This is so, so, so dumb. I love it.

A huge strength of this series is its ability to balance depth with humor, the big term serialization with the normal daily life of a magical kid. It sometimes swings hard at plotty episodes, but rarely does it swing this far in the opposite direction. I’m not talking about Restaurant Wars being a townie episode, because plenty of townie episodes affect the overall plot and develop important characters. Steven’s connection to humanity is critical to his status as a child of two worlds, so while alien stuff might be cooler, there will always be a place for the mundane in the actual plot. 

This is a matter of tone, and Restaurant Wars is the tonal opposite of a plot-heavy story that expands the characters and lore. Uncle Grandpa and Log Date 7 15 2 and Kindergarten Kid have a similar devotion to comedy, but we still get arcs for the characters within them. Nobody grows in Restaurant Wars. The conflict’s resolution is about returning to the status quo we saw at the beginning of the episode, not moving forward or learning critical information. The single consequence is that Ronaldo gets dumped by a girlfriend we didn’t even know he had until moments before it happens, which is just deliciously cruel. 

This might actually be my favorite Ronaldo episode, if I’m including episodes featuring him on top of episodes where he’s the focus: it’s not that I revel in watching him suffer (not fully, anyway), but Zachary Steel is really good at making that suffering funny, from his livid “Do you know how much BLOGGING I haven’t been able to do!?” to lasting despair after his surprisingly real girlfriend breaks up with him. It’s a welcome change of pace from his smug buffoonery, and it’s such a surprising and mean joke for the episode to end without throwing him a single bone. This subplot alone is worth the price of admission.

The breakup, like everything else in the episode, borrows its tone from the cheesiest anime melodrama anyone could ask for. There may be a reference to a more specific show, but I’m frankly not huge on slice of life anime, and despite how much I love writing about Steven Universe I draw a line at doing extensive research about friggin’ Restaurant Wars. Regardless, we get the drawn-out gasps, the kabuki emoting, the dramatic camera flashes, the works. It’s not just anime stuff—the vignette titles evoke the sort of Ken Burns parody you’d see in a show like Community, let nobody say Lamar Abrams and Katie Mitroff don’t have eclectic comedy tastes—but even a casual like me can see the Japanese influence here.

This is the sort of episode that only works every once in a while, because it’s so much compared to the general mood of the series. I understand anyone who dislikes Restaurant Wars, because it’s really different and nothing happens and it’s unbelievably stupid. But dammit, I can’t stay mad at it. Its timing is perfect, in the middle of a stretch of Beach City episodes that have been varying levels of stressful. It’s not interrupting anything or wasting your time for a second by pretending to be anything it’s not. The crew just wanted to tell a stupid story about grown men feuding over who gets to make what food, and that’s okay.

It helps that we get a better look at Fryman and Kofi, two adults that Steven understandably doesn’t hang out with very often. We already know Kofi has a temper, but Fryman until now has been defined by his gruff acceptance of how weird the world around him is, and it’s fantastic to see him revved up. My favorite joke of the episode has Steven explain that Fryman’s supposed to do fries by acknowledging his name and absurd hair, only for Fryman to not realize his hair is shaped like fries. These ridiculous names and his ridiculous character design already exist, so they might as well be used for a ridiculous story.

To be clear, this better look doesn’t actually mean much for their characters, because in a normal episode I doubt Kofi would try branding people with an iron. Again, this isn’t an story about growing, so at best we understand by the end of it that these two take their jobs seriously, but that’s something we already knew. Perhaps it would be funnier to use more established characters for something this zany, but I think we benefit from the flexibility that comes with relative blank slates: Restaurant Wars was never going to be believable, but it would be even less believable if people we knew acted this out of character. 

Their kids get a nice amount of focus as well. I love finally seeing Jenny and Kiki hang out with Ronaldo and Peedee, even in this situation. I get why they wouldn’t normally interact, as Peedee is an anxious kid and Ronaldo is Ronaldo, but these are neighboring families that each have two siblings who work in their dads’ food shops. Add in the fact that both families seem to have single fathers (although Jenny and Kiki are lucky enough to have the world’s greatest Gunga) and the Frymans and Pizzas have a lot in common. 

Unlike their parents, we get grounded character moments here that show these four probably have some history together. The highlight is Jenny stage whispering her doubt about Ronaldo’s girlfriend to Peedee, who immediately agrees; these are people who are able to stand the guy enough to hang out with him, but know he’s usually full of it. Jenny gets a sweet moment supporting Kiki, and Kiki’s people-pleasing attitude might be “helpful” here, but her focus on the needs of others above her own will be addressed in our very next episode.

There’s really nothing else to talk about in an outing like Restaurant Wars, but I have two stray thoughts for this stray episode. First, I’m glad it happened after Greg got rich, because even if it’s not mentioned it at least adds some realism into the conversion of Steven’s home. Second, I’m baffled by the pairing of the mundane pizza bagel with the revolutionary fries filled with ketchup, but I’m not exactly gonna be taken out of the moment by a strange plot point here. I’m glad I live in a world where this episode exists. But I'll also be glad to get back to the actual show. 

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

This is by no means a favorite, and it’s not an episode I’m ever gonna rewatch outside of a binge or for reviewing purposes, but come on. It’s not hurting anybody.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure