#i don't even feel sinful right now i just feel sad

[caesium-55]

—everything is orange. [ iv ]

pairing: lando norris x kpop idol! reader

summary: a racecar driver who needed a fake girlfriend to dispel rumors and a kpop idol who needed publicity for her song. somewhere in between orange cars and orange sunsets, stands something they're afraid of naming.

note: omg im so sorry for not being online lately. i got a writing part time job now so... i may not be as active as before. hope yall are having a great day! not edited. not beta read.

masterlist.

Everything inside your studio is gray. The walls, the couch, the floor, the instruments. It's the kind of room that will make a sad beige mom over the moon.

But when you open the door and the sight of one Lando Norris greets you, looking devilishly handsome in his dark blue button up shirt and black pants and Nike sneakers with his curls concealed underneath his dark blue bucket hat, the studio suddenly doesn't feel as gray as it usually is.

“Lando?” Your brows rise towards your hairline. Truthfully, he’s one of the last people you expected to see inside HAN Ent’s building, much less outside your studio.

“Hi,” he smiles charmingly at the shock in your voice, showing all teeth and smile lines. “Do you mind if I come in?”

You stammer, still not over your shock, “S-Sure.”

You step aside to grant him space and allow him to enter your magic shop. Lando’s eyes curiously roam around the studio and you close the door behind him, nudging the houseplant further to the wall using your foot to avoid getting tripped on it in the future.

“Take a seat. Please,” you invite, gesturing towards the couch. Lando takes the invitation and sits down. He looks too big on the couch, you note. He has long legs and an athletic build. Perhaps, it’s time to buy a bigger one.

“Nice place,” he compliments.

You want to snort out loud but refrain yourself from doing so.

Lando is saying things out of politeness.

Your studio is shit.

You know that.

It used to be a stock room that was converted into a studio when Yoon PD-nim offered you that deal, that's why the room is graciously small. They soundproofed the walls, painted everything gray, shoved in a few pieces of recording equipment and called it a day.

It's still quite nice of Lando to compliment the place though. You might hate this place but this is your wizard’s tower, your witch’s hut, your magic shop, and you feel pride swell in your chest when someone thinks your little corner is cool, even if you think he’s lying.

“Thanks,” you say sincerely. “How did you know I was…”

“I asked Jinnie,” he says simply.

“Ah,” your tone falls flat.

A moment's pause.

“So this is where you’ve been working?”

You nod. Suddenly, you feel conscious.

Your studio isn't really in the best state right now. When you work in a creative fever, you tend to make a mess. Being messy enhances your creativity. The sprawled papers with lyrics, the empty styro cups of coffee lying around, numerous pens and pencils (you don't even know why you feel the need to bring a lot of them) and rubber erasers, and your snacks. There's a mountain of crumpled paper in your trash can.

“Sorry, the place isn't really….” you trail off, making vague gestures with your hand. “I didn't know you were coming.”

“It's okay,” he chuckles. “I called, you know. And texted. You didn’t return any of it.”

“Oh, my phone’s charging,” you say, beginning to feel bad that you accidentally ignored him. “And my notifs are silent.”

“That explains it.”

“Shouldn't you be resting?” you asked. “You have a flight tomorrow.”

It's currently the 19th. Lando is set to leave for Japan on the 20th. His team wants him in Suzuka by September 20 and not later than that. They already had a field day when Lando announced that he's flying with you. At first, he wanted it to be just you and him. His team wouldn't let him because he can be a PR nightmare if given enough freedom so they let his manager, Kyla, tag along.

You’ve mistaken Kyla as a member of the PR team. Turns out she’s his manager.

“Is it a sin to want to spend a few hours with my girlfriend before I go?” he flutters his eyes innocently. You snorted.

“Fake but okay.”

“I’m being sincere here, girlfriend,” he pushes his lips into a pout. “Did you eat already?”

“No,” you answer.

“Should we grab something together?”

“Should we?” you humor his suggestion. It's been a few hours since you’ve eaten. You’ve skipped both breakfast and lunch.

“I think I can call a restaurant and make a reservation.”

“It's near midnight,” you point out, glancing down at the Rolex decorating his wrist. Isn't he aware of how late it is?

“So?”

“Restaurants are closed by now,” you state.

Lando shrugs.

“I can make the effort of finding those seafood pasta you like.”

Your brows furrow.

“What do you mean like? I never said I like those.”

“But I thought…” Lando blinks. “I’ve read it somewhere…”

“Huh?”

“You're from Jeju, right? You grew up eating seafood so you like seafood and you once said you have a palate for Italian food. I tried…liking the pasta with seafood. I hated it but I ate it anyway.”

Your jaw hangs open at the revelation.

This is single-handedly the sweetest thing someone has ever done to you.

You don't know whether to be touched about the sincerity or to cry because of his idiocy. You can definitely do both but you refuse to do both. You have an image to maintain.

“Didn't I tell you that the company manipulated my public information?” you ask incredulously. “Yes, I was from Jeju but I didn’t eat seafood much. I have a mild allergy—”

“In seafood?” you see his eyes widen into saucers. Oops, you shouldn't have said that. “Wait, you had an allergy attack, didn't you? On those lunch dates we had? Why didn't you tell me so early on?”

“I thought you liked it!” your voice raises slightly, panicked. You're caught. He isn't supposed to know about this.

“I didn't?! I loathe seafood but I ate a few bites because I thought you liked it!”

You blink at him. That is the sweetest while simultaneously the most stupid thing someone has ever done for you. You drag a hand across your face, a groan escaping your mouth and yet you’re smiling. You shake your head at him.

Points for Lando Norris for making you capable of feeling frustrated and another feeling you cannot name.

“We’re idiots.”

There is a stretch of silence before Lando speaks up.

“What do you want to eat? And please tell me the real one.”

You began listing the first three things that appeared inside your brain, “I like…. ramyeon, natto, and tteokbokki.”

You have a palate for convenience store food. Food that you can find in busy night markets. Food that is sold by street vendors. The kind of food that tastes like absolute shit if cold but tastes like home if microwaved into the right amount of temperature. If you venture in your imagination hard enough, you can taste your mother’s cooking after a few bites. But you don't tell Lando that.

“We can eat that.”

You raise a brow.

“The ramen, the chicken, and the tteokdokdok.”

“Tteokbokki,” you correct him gently.

“Tteoktokki,” he repeats.

“Tteok.”

“Tteok.”

“Bokki.”

“Bokki.”

“Tteokbokki.”

“Tteokdokki.”

You shake your head, “Tteok-Bo-Kki.”

“Tteok-Bo-Kki.”

You snap your fingers, nodding in approval, “Better.”

“I literally said the same thing.”

“You didn't.”

“Where will we eat this tteokbokki?” He says the tteokbokki slowly, careful with his pronunciation.

“There are night markets nearby,” you tell him. “It’s crowded though. I know a good convenience store that’s a good drive away. It’s usually empty. Do you go to convenience stores?”

You suddenly feel stupid for asking.

Do multi-millionaires like Lando Norris go to convenience stores? It’ll make much more sense if he books restaurants or employs a private chef to cook for him at home. Do they even have a palate for instant food? What do rich people snack on? You don't know. You're not rich. Even after becoming famous, you’re still not rich enough to live the life of luxury.

This just highlights the difference of the worlds you and Lando live in.

“I do. Just not frequently,” he shrugs. “We can go to the convenience store if you want. I don't mind.”

“No, it’s fine. We can eat anywhere you want. Jinnie might have a few hotel restaurants in mind.”

“But do you want to eat in hotel restaurants?”

His question makes you pause and Lando immediately takes your hesitation as a no.

“We can eat anything you want to eat. This is your place anyway. Show me around.”

You bite your lower lip as you contemplate. Should you or should you not? That is the question.

When your eyes drag themselves back to Lando’s face, you see that he’s already looking at you intently as he awaits your answer patiently. You want to shrink back at the intensity of his gaze.

“Well then, do you want to go on a convenience store date with me, boyfriend?”

Despite the hesitation he’s displayed earlier, Lando grins at your offer.

You take Lando to your favorite place in all of South Korea. Google Maps says it's a three hour drive away. You arrive there in two hours and a half.

Maybe it's a sign to change careers.

You used your Jeep Wrangler. Lando offered to drive but you shook your head and hopped on the driver’s seat, him taking the passenger seat.

You won't allow anyone to drive your car. It's a rule of yours.

The last time you allowed someone to drive your car, your Hyundai jumped over a sewage canal. Lando might be a professional race car driver and that alone spoke multitudes of his driving skills, but you're so traumatized with the incident with your Hyundai that you physically can't allow anyone, professional driver or not, to handle the steering wheel of any other cars you own.

Cars are expensive. You can't buy another car. You’ll bawl when you see the money departing your bank account.

You palm the steering-wheel with your right hand. Your left hand lays flat on the back of the passenger seat, behind Lando’s head. Your upper body is rotated towards the back, full focus activated as you reverse the car in expert ease. Lando is observing you, you can tell. You can feel his eyes burning holes in your side profile.

“You okay?” You ask Lando. The man has gone uncharacteristically silent when you’ve started reversing the car. You hear Lando let out a breath. Almost shakily. You cannot tell for sure.

“Yeah,” his voice breaks like a boy undergoing puberty and you have to thin your lips into a line to prevent yourself from laughing. “Nice parking skills.”

“Thanks,” you say nonchalantly. “You sure you're okay though?”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” you see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he rubs his throat. “I think the seatbelt’s a little too tight.”

Once the car’s perfectly parked, you kill the engine and exit the car. Lando follows suit.

“I don't know why you have to drive for almost three hours just to visit this place,” Lando gestures to the surroundings. “There's nothing here.”

“Exactly,” you say. “Come on, boyfriend.”

You pat his shoulder and lead the way. A bell chimes loudly as you push the door open. You step inside, the British racer only a few steps behind you. You tug down your mask.

“What's this place?” Lando questions.

“24-hour convenience store,” you answer. “But no staff.”

“No staff?” he asks. “So self service?”

“Ah yes, that’s the word. Self service,” You say. “Quite nice, right? We have complete privacy and good food. Two best things in the world.”

“Careful. Your introvert is showing.”

You snort, “First time coming to a place like this?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs. “No staff? Does nobody attempt to steal things?”

You shrug, “Probably not. Ramen is not worth going to jail for.”

“This shop will make a million dollar loss in an hour if it's in another country,” Lando says, his nose wrinkling. “Like in the UK or US or something.”

You beckon Lando to follow you through the aisles, “This way.”

“You even memorize the places of things,” he comments. “You come here often?”

You hum a yes. You stop in front of the freezer and open it, pulling out two plastic cups.

Lando’s forehead creases, “Just ice?”

“This is an ice cup,” you explain.

“Are we going to wait for the ice to melt before drinking it or….”

You stare at him incredulously before promptly bursting out in laughter.

“What's funny?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“Nothing, sorry,” you clear your throat. You don't know why you find that funny. Your humor is broken. “They sell pouches of juice or coffee and you pour it into the cup.”

Lando’s head tilts. He looks like a confused baby owl.

“Here, I’ll show you,” you walk up to a nearby shelf and grab a Kuromi pouch. It's peach-flavored. “This. You pour it here.”

You gesture to the ice cup. Lando’s mouth forms a circle in realization.

“Cool.”

“There are a lot of flavors,” you add, gesturing to the shelf. “Peach, apple, mango, strawberry, orange…”

You read out the flavors for Lando because you know he can't read Hangul. Lando wordlessly picks a grapefruit-flavored pouch. You nod.

“Good choice. Oh wait, we forgot to get a basket. Can you?”

Lando nods and leaves. When he comes back, now with a yellow basket, the two of you continue to browse down the entire store. You explain each of the food. He said no to most of them. Lando is a picky eater, you learn.

The two of you fill the basket near to the brim. You pay for each item, even though Lando insisted that he do it, and you occupy the table that faces that floor-to-ceiling glass window, overlooking the darkness of the night outside.

“Here,” you hand him a plastic fork. Lando accepts it, his brows furrowed. “You were struggling with the chopsticks.”

A shy smile makes its way to his face, “Sorry.”

You wave your hand as if to say it's no problem and plop down on the chair beside him. Lando digs in with his Buldak Samyang carbonara while you stir your Yoppoki Tteokbokki with yours before taking your first bite. You immediately let out a moan of pleasure.

“Is it delicious?” he asked.

“Very.”

You eat until your cheeks fill, chewing slowly.

“Oh wait, you should post something.”

“Now?”

“You took pictures of me earlier, right?” you know he did. He tried to be slick about it but you’d know if someone is taking a picture of you. “Put it on your story.”

“And delete it?”

“No. The world already knows we're dating anyway. Well, fake dating.”

Lando pulls out his phone and shows you the pictures in his gallery. There are aare a total of four pictures. Three are blurry. The other one is blocked by his finger.

“That one is good.”

“What do you mean good? It's blurry.”

“Blurry is an aesthetic.”

Lando shakes his head but opens his Instagram and begins to edit the photo you’ve chosen, “Help me with the caption?”

“I’m not good with them.”

“Me neither.”

“Your first caption was pretty good.”

“You think so?” he sounds hopeful.

You shrug your shoulders.

“Just say something like ‘her’ then put a period.”

That's the limit of your creative powers for the day.

Lando nods and begins typing. He’s typing quite long for a word with three letters and a single punctuation mark. He shows you the caption.

Your brows furrow.

He laughs, “I’m funny.”

“You’re really not,” you shake your head. “Put it in your drafts.”

“So I’m not posting it now?”

“You post it after we leave the place,” you say. “So we’ll be gone by the time the fans see it and decide they’ll come here.”

“That's very smart.”

“That's not being smart. That’s just common sense,” you state flatly.

“You know, I always thought you'd be a cold person.”

You raise a brow, not entirely sure if you're understanding him correctly. Cold is an adjective. It's used to describe temperature. You're uncertain if it can be applied to use as an adjective to describe a person.

Lando must have sensed your confusion that he adds, “Ice queen.”

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay. You understand it now.

“You used to look so cold and cool,” Lando says. “Ice queen. But also an IDGAF attitude. Very intimidating.”

You have no idea what IDGAF means but you nod your head and act like you understand him anyway. You make a mental note to search it up on the internet later.

“But you’re not.”

“I’m not,” you echo.

“You’re actually pretty sweet,” he adds.

“I’m trying to be kind.”

“You don't have to try. You already are.”

“The companies make us act sometimes.”

“What?”

“Like, before debut,” you begin. “There are companies that assign certain images to their idols. They give them parts to play like directors do to actors in movies. Like, oh, you look like this kind of person so you have to act like this kind of person. They take a look at your visuals and decide what role you’ll have. They took one look at my face and told me that I have to be a strict and serious person who is scary and cold and unbothered. I didn't want to do it because I tend to smile really easily before and I just wanted to have a lot of friends, you know?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“When you’re intimidating, you tend to not have a lot of them. Despite that, I followed the role. Many praised me for it and others just….well, they didn't like it. The company was happy, though. They told me I was good at acting. But it's just…sad that the person I am on the screen is not real.”

“Yeah, that's honestly sad. I can't imagine doing that for my team. I’ll suck at it. Imagine me cold and serious,” Lando makes a serious face but he ends up doing a The Rock Smoulder. You have to stop yourself from laughing out loud by thinning your lips and twisting it.

“You're doing it, though. For the team. This whole fake dating thing,” you gesture to yourselves.

Lando mutters something under his breath while stroking his chin. You don't catch it.

“Hm?”

“Nothing. I think your eyes are pretty.”

He's changing the subject. He does it so swiftly, too.

“I know, I thank my mother every day for it,” you joke and Lando chuckles softly. “But don't be jealous, you have pretty eyes yourself.”

He turns into a lovely shade of pink. You can see it. You don't speak of it.

“It changes colors sometimes,” you continue, pointing at your eyes. “Like, it’s kind of gray in the dark. But if the sun shines on it, it has three colors.”

“You stare at my eyes a lot, do you?”

“Well, if a certain thing is pretty, you can't help but stare, you know?”

“Yeah, I guess that's why I stare at you a lot, too.”

You laugh, the sound airy, shaking your head. What a flirt. The cute kind.

“I’m quite the head turner, aren't I?”

“You are,” he agrees seriously.

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

He smirks, confident.

“Careful, you might fall for me, fake girlfriend,” he says cheekily. You have the desire to shatter his ego so you did.

“You're handsome but you're not my type.”

His smirk falters. You give a chortle.

“What's your type then?” he asks, leaning slightly forward. His eyes reflect anticipation.

You fall into a momentary thoughtful silence, “For starters, attractive men who can drive very fast cars. With a racing license this time. Not like me.”

Lando smiles at your light attempt at a joke. Good to know that he finds the dark humor surrounding your career-ending scandal funny.

“I am an attractive man,” he gestures to his face. “With a priceless face and I drive a very fast car. Formula one or sports cars. Oh and would you look at that? I have a racing license and a regular driving license.”

“You are an attractive man,” you agree. “But again, not my type.”

Lando dramatically puts his hand against his chest, right above where his heart lies and acts like you just shot him dead on the spot.

“Hmm, what else? Ah, plays golf,” you list another trait of your ideal man.

“I play golf,” he crosses his arms, leans back against the back of his seat, and lifts his hips a little as he adjusts his sitting position on the chair, manspreading a little. This is one of the subtle things men do that women cannot help but find attractive. You’re also a woman. Of course, you find that attractive.

You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance. Lando laughs at you.

“A few years older than me.”

When Lando opens his mouth, you cut him off, holding up a finger, “I’m older than you.”

By months only but still.

“In the standards of your fake birthday, I am older than you.”

You huff, shaking your head. He is right, to some degree. The world thinks he is older than you because HAN Entertainment decided to lie about your birthday.

“Looks good in red.”

“You know, orange is a mixture of red and yellow. Technically, it's still red. So I look good in red. One plus one equals two. I am connecting shit.”

He raises two index fingers in the air and connects them together to put further emphasis on the words he imparted in a sage-like manner.

“You're not connecting anything.”

“Hell yeah, I am. I am so smart, I should just be McLaren’s chief strategist. Maybe then I can finally get my first win.”

You cannot help but raise an amused brow.

“Fine, if you're so smart Mr. Strategist, what's plan A to your victory?”

His answer comes immediately, no hesitation and he utters it with so much confidence in his chest: “Sneak into Red Bull and steal their car.”

You abruptly burst out laughing, the sound filling up the entire convenience store. You cannot hold it in anymore. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to quiet yourself down.

You don't laugh pretty. You're very much aware of that. You sound like a dolphin when you do. But Lando is so funny that you forget to feel conscious of the weird sound that leaves your mouth for a whole five seconds before you remember to compose yourself and stop.

“You don't have to cover your mouth when you laugh, you know?” he says. “Or try to stop yourself from laughing. Just laugh if you want.”

You give him a look. Why is he turning serious all of a sudden?

“Wait, red?” Lando does a double take once you’ve composed yourself. “Don’t tell me your ideal type is….”

His forehead creases. You nod.

He says, “Carlos?!” the same time you say, “It’s Kim Mingyu.” How did he even come to that conclusion?

Oh wait. Red. Older than you. Drives fast cars. Racing license. Makes sense.

You blink at each other.

“Who the hell is Kim Mingyu?”

“You don't know Kim Mingyu?” you pull out your phone, open Google Photos, and search for the folder named: 민규❤️❤️❤️. The folder contains 7659 photos of Kim Mingyu.

“Fake boyfriend, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Kim Mingyu,” you show your favorite Mingyu photo.

The one where he’s wearing a black fitted shirt, his cheek against the back of his hand, and the veins in his arms bulging. He’s serving major boyfriend vibes.

Lando rolls his eyes.

“He doesn’t look that good.”

“No, Lando, you are not seeing it,” you hold the phone closer to his face.

“I am seeing it and I am saying he’s not good looking.”

“Lies.”

“I'm not lying.”

“It's Kim Mingyu.”

“And?”

You pull a face, retracting your phone. “Come on, he’s quite good looking. And tall. Very tall.”

You once have to stand beside him in an ending ceremony in Inkigayo. You barely even come up to his chest.

“I’m tall.”

“You’re shorter than him.”

“You're killing me here.”

You chuckle. You pat his shoulder in faux sympathy.

“There, there. That's okay. You're my boyfriend anyway. Don't be jealous.”

“Damn right, I am.”

You snort.

“But you have to stan Seventeen though. After your race in Suzuka, we’ll try to binge GoSe.”

When you’re too full to finish the rest of your tteokbokki, you drag Lando outside the convenience store.

“Sand?” he questions.

“Sand,” you state.

“There's sand in my shoes,” Lando complains.

“Take it off and like,” you make the motion of flipping your shoes upside down to remove the sand inside. He does as you’ve told him but he seems to be not fully satisfied with it. There is still sand inside his shoe.

“This won't do,” he says. “I should have brought flip flops.”

“Let's go barefoot,” you kick off your shoes and neatly place them on the foot of a nearby coconut tree. You motion for Lando to do the same, but you’re met with hesitance.

“What if someone steals them?”

It's a valid concern to have, you suppose. You look around you. Darkness is all that can be perceived.

“Who’d steal them? Cheonyeogwisin?”

“I don't even know what that is.”

“Just leave the shoes here, Lando.”

The sand feels good underneath your feet. A bit ticklish. A little too familiar. You turn on the flashlight of your phone and jog up to the shore.

“Wait for me!” you hear Lando scream from behind you.

“Palli!” you yell back, voice almost drowning in the wind.

“I am palli-ing!”

You roll your pants up to your knees and soak your feet in the cold waves, shivering. You turn around just as Lando body slams you and the two of you fall into the ice-cold waves. Your jaw comes slack, eyes wide. The two of you are now drenched from head to toe.

Lando bashfully smiles, “Sorry.”

“Lando!” you splash him in his face.

Lively shrieks fill the silent night sky. The stars twinkle with mirth at the two of you, the line between fake and real blurring.

Lando flies out just four hours after you arrive in Seoul proper. You feel bad for bringing him somewhere far and not giving him enough hours to rest. Then, he tells you: "It's one of the best nights I've ever had."

He sounds so sincere that you have to stop yourself from blushing red.

In the schedule Jinnie gave you, you are only required to make an appearance in the race proper on the 24th. You have the 20th, 21st, and 22nd to work on your single before having to fly out on the 23rd. Regardless, you fly to Japan on the 21st with Jinnie in tow, two days earlier than your original schedule.

Jinnie doesn't question nor protest against your obvious disobedience on the appointed schedule. You're glad she didn't.

"Lando?" you question after seeing the man standing behind your hotel door. It's nearly twelve and you've just checked in the hotel with Jinnie. "What are you..."

"Just checking in," he smiles. "Do you mind if I come in?"

"Don't you have a race tomorrow?" Despite your question, you sidestep to let him inside your hotel room. "You should be resting."

"That's okay. I'm well rested. Are you going to watch the FP1 tomorrow?"

You shake your head, "I'm going to work on my song."

"Oh," his face falls. "Why'd you fly in early then?"

You shrug.

Honestly, you don't know either.

It's an act based purely on impulse. Not your finest moments.

"Maybe I can watch?" you say. "I'm not really sure."

You don't want to get mobbed again.

ORACLE has a rather large fanbase in Japan. You know there will be curious fans who'll await your appearance in the race. And while you're glad that your PR relationship with Lando is receiving the right type of attention from the public, you still hate having this much attention on you.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Lando says.

"I'll go," you decide with finality. "I mean this is why we're doing this in the first place, right? Make people believe that we're real."

Lando's lips form a line.

"I suppose."

"Then, I'll be there."

The song making can wait.

Once again, Jinnie takes charge in deciding your clothing. You’ve long since given up on protesting or even suggesting your ideas. You have to get used to it again. Wearing whatever is given to you like a doll. After all, you are to return to the stage of KPop again.

Today’s WAG OOTD is a Miu Miu black dress, a black leather jacket, and Gianvito Rossi strappy sandals. Nothing too impressive. It's just the free practice sessions after all.

Jinnie hands you the McLaren ball cap and you grimace.

“How's the song coming up?”

“I’ve been trying to combine my demos and see how it sounds,” you reply. “But I have a concept in mind and I jotted down a few phrases for the lyrics.”

“I got an email from Yoon PD-nim today. He’s strongly suggesting you use a racing concept for your single.”

Strongly suggesting.

Translation: commanding.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Fuck it.

He’s really going to use the scandal and hope it’ll make you rise from the ashes like a phoenix reborn. The problem is that you're far from a phoenix. You’re human. As disappointing that may be but that is the cold truth. You're uncertain how people will react if you use a racing concept. You cannot afford to risk this over something like this.

You have one chance. And if KNetz reacts badly on your song and your MV, you’re never going to have another chance to go back on stage, to go back home.

Yoon PD-nim is too thoughtless at times. You want to shake him.

Jinnie drives you to the paddock and drops you to the parking lot. You expect that you’ll have to find your way to the garage again alone. Your knees are trembling as you step out of the car.

To your surprise, a staff member of the McLaren team—you assume he works for the team because of the orange polo shirt—approaches you as you exit the car.

“[Name]?”

“Hi,” you offer a polite smile.

“I’m Rick, I’m one of Lando’s mechanics, pleasure to meet you,” he introduces.

“Pleasure is all mine, Sir,” you say, dipping your chin into a small bow.

“Come this way,” he beckons. You follow him.

“Did Lando ask you to pick me up?”

“Well, he insisted on picking you up but the race was about to start so we had to force him to stay put in the livery and he wouldn't stay put until we said we’ll pick you up. Said people might flock over you and you don't like it when it happens.”

Your heart warms.

“That's very thoughtful of him. And sweet.”

“That's Lando Norris for you,” he says. “He’s always treating all the people he’s working with kindly. He only has to be polite but he even exerts effort in helping and making our work easier.”

“That's true,” you agree. “I can attest to that, as his fake girlfriend. He only has to treat me well when there's a camera but he’s even going as far as offering friendship.”

The rest of the walk to McLaren was peaceful. Or at least as peaceful as you hope it can be.

[chaepink]

can u make headcannons on sub!yan’s tendencies in the relationship?

also can i be 🉑 or 🌝 anon?

dating sub!yandere boys hcs ♡

sub!yandere boys when they date you.

wc: 1.1k+ words | masterlist

dom!fem!reader, unhealthy relationship, mention of killing/murder, both sfw and nsfw!, mention of feminization, bondage

note: yes you can be 🌝 anon!

— your yandere would be possessive of you, even more compared to when you two were just friends

— well, you thought you two were just friends. he already assumed you two were together sometime earlier during his friendship with you

— he would do anything for you in order to make sure you're happy and safe

— a friend of yours is getting too touchy with you? well the next day that friend is ignoring you and when you confront them, they look at you scared and quickly scurry away from you. did your yandere do something to them? surely not

— a weird guy keeps following you around your neighborhood? well a couple of days later you see on the news that his body has been found near a river and weirdly enough, you havent seen your yandere on the days before the guy's death

— you complain to your yandere about how a teacher gave you a bad grade on something you worked so hard on? suddenly your grade changes to a A and that same exact teacher suddenly resigns from the school

— he'll try his best to know where you are most of the time and try to follow you back home to make sure you're safe (though its really obvious, you don't acknowledge him so he thinks he's actually doing something)

— but no matter how scary and possessive they are of you, they just want to be good for you, really

— its almost as if they're a puppy for you, always there for your beck and call

— give them a simple command and they'll do it immediately, no questions asked

— ask them to buy you a snack from the nearest store? he'll return back with a bagful of others that he thought you would like

— they're super clingy and always want to be near you

— somehow they manage to have the same exact classes that you have and at the same time. maybe you guys are just lucky? little do you know that your yandere hacked into the principal's computer to change his schedule to fit with yours

— if you're sick, they would immediately fetch you some medicine and make so many bowls of your favorite soup that you're not sure you could finish them all

— they would be so sad when you're sick cause that means they can't be as close as they usually are with you :(

— in bed, nothing changes at all. rather, he becomes even more infatuated with you

— they're still so good and obedient for you, always following your commands. its cute

— like what i said with him doing it with no hesitation, your yandere is eager to do what you say

— tell him to get on his knees? say less as he's already doing so, staring up at you with such innocent eyes

— tell him to open his mouth for you to stick your fingers inside? he opens wide and sticks out his tongue in such a sinful manner, hazy eyes absolutely begging you to make him choke on your fingers as drool drips down his chin

— order him to suck your strap and get it all wet? he's quick to get in between your legs and get his hands on the fake dick, his mouth going straight to bobbing it up and down and gagging as it hits the back of his throat. he'll try to subtly grind his hard on against your foot without you noticing but you do anyways but he's being a good boy so you allow it

— and oh my god is he so shameless in public

— no hesitation in telling you what he wants you to do to him when there are people around

— you'll be at brunch with some of your friends and suddenly you'll feel a hot breath on your ear, such sinful words coming soon after

"im wearing lingerie under my clothes, your favorite set too. wouldn't you like to just ruin me right here and now? make me cry and look so pretty while you show everyone im yours?"

— safe to say that you immediately dragged him to the family bathroom and fingered him until he was gripping onto you for dear life, begging and crying out for you to stop and take pity on him (he's lying about wanting you to stop)

— when you're out with errands or just at work, he'll take such sinful pictures of himself to send to you randomly

— the pictures would include his legs spread out, a obvious bulge in his underwear, and something adorning his body whether its lingerie, a maid outfit, or rope that's tied so tightly on him

— if he's feeling like teasing you even more, he'll send whimpering audios that beg you to come home and fuck him and if you listen close enough, you'll hear some wet noises that let you know that he's masturbating

"f-fuck, [name] come back s-soon, please? i-i miss you so much! i- ah! i-im wearing your favorite outfit right now! i'll be a g-good ngh boy waiting for you ♡"

— itll end up with you rushing home after you're finished to fuck him dumb in that outfit, making it stained with his tears and cum

— he knows you can't really get him pregnant but your yandere just loves those straps with cum in them that you can just shoot inside him whenever you're fucking him fast and rough

— that'll make his eyes roll back and head throw backwards as he lets out such a loud mewl at the feeling of your fake cum filling him up

— and afterwards he'll tease you by using his fingers to push the cum thats gushing out of his hole back in before licking his fingers

— although your yandere is a good boy for you most of the time, theres times where he's a brat

— he'll talk back to you whenever you command him to do something or cum without permission

— but just some long edging or overstimulation will break him and turn him into a sobbing mess

— tying his hands to the headboard and keeping his legs spread apart whilst a vibrator is inside him on the highest setting is his favorite punishment

— your yandere thinks you don't know that since you do it all the time but you actually do know it, you just love the way his face is stained with his drool and tears while his chest and the sheets underneath him is covered in his cum afterwards

— such a slut but we love him for it

ty for reading to the end! ❤ - chaepink

╰┈➤ masterlist | rules

[literaila]

eavesdropping

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: seriously, the door was already open

warnings: satoru is an idiot, as per usual, sad tsumiki :(

last part | next part

*

year one.

satoru approaches the door to tsumiki’s room and he pauses. 

after two weeks straight with the kids, you’d finally returned back to work--leaving the three of them to fend for themselves for the day--but you'd insisted on coming over for dinner. 

to which satoru suggested, for the twentieth time, that you might as well stay the night. might as well move in already. 

really, there's plenty of space. 

but you'd pinched his arm and pushed past him at the door, telling the kids that you brought dinner. you didn't stay behind to watch satoru cradle his arm or smile at the back of your head. 

and, seriously, he doesn't mean to eavesdrop (if he meant to he would've planned out something much more sophisticated than this) but the door is already slightly cracked. 

“—but megumi doesn’t like it," he hears tsumiki say, soft and concerned. her tiny voice is a whisper through the opened door, so satoru takes another step towards it. 

“that’s okay," he hears your voice saying, "you can talk about it if you want.”

one eye appears through the crack and he can see you and tsumiki, curled up on the bed, her eyes looking up at yours, tear stains an obvious sin. 

satoru is quiet as he pushes the door, ever so slightly.

“he always ignores me when i talk about my mom or his dad, or he says something mean about them. sometimes he won’t talk to me for the rest of the day.”

this seems plausible. just five minutes ago satoru had witnessed an influx of cursed energy coming from megumi when tsumiki merely mentioned their old house and the dolls she kept on her windowsill. 

he can still feel that anger brewing now, but megumi, so you’ve said to him, needs to breathe. you didn't exactly tell him to exit the table and leave the little boy alone, or come to tsumiki's room to check on the two of you, but, he knows that's what you meant. you don't have to say something for satoru to help out. he’s just doing what’s best for all of you.

honestly, you probably wouldn't even mind that he's listening in on this conversation. 

you tilt your head at her. “did you ask him why?” 

tsumiki sniffles, she pushes a sticky hand at the hair matted to her head, so you gently push it away and move it for her instead, much gentler with her than you've ever been with him. satoru almost complains, before he remembers that he's not even there.

“he thinks that they don’t care about us,” tsumiki answers, the hurt obvious in her voice, "he—he can’t remember everything that i can, but he doesn’t care. he doesn't want to.” 

you coo at her softly, nodding your head with every word. 

satoru has never heard the little girl so sad--he's used to her smiling face and bright energy. honestly, if there's an opposite to cursed energy, it would be tsumiki. 

you must feel as disturbed by the difference in the little girl as he does because he watches as you try to restrain a frown. 

satoru's eyes are wide through the crack as you attempt a smile. “it’s okay to not feel the same,” you tell her, “wanting to remember your parents isn’t going to make megumi hate you.” 

“but it upsets him.” 

“well not talking about it upsets you, right?” you say this the same way you chide satoru. and, yeah, you typically know best. 

not that he'll ever admit that. 

but tsumiki nods.

“then you should talk about it. don’t worry about megumi. you can tell me about them, or satoru.” 

he wants to open the door completely just at the sound of his name. 

“really?” 

“you can talk about whatever you want with us. we’ll always listen," your smile is genuine now. 

satoru tries to imagine you as a little girl, with someone wiping your tears away. but he doesn't quite believe that you were ever as small as tsumiki looks now. you'll always be this to him, he supposes, safe and infallible. 

even when you were younger, blinking idly at him as he introduced himself to his new underclassmen, you were certain. he's always been sure about that. 

tsumiki frowns, her eyes wide. “gojo put his hands over his ears and started singing yesterday when you asked him to take the trash out.” 

he has to catch a laugh. you shift around on the bed, your face is stern but satoru can see you about to laugh. 

you nudge her with your head, teasing. “i didn’t say he always listens to me.” 

the little girl laughs as you nuzzle her nose and for a moment, satoru thinks he's invading. 

but how can he walk away when the two of you are cuddled so close, looking so cute together? he should probably take a picture, just so he can always remember this. 

but then again, a camera probably wouldn't capture the supple sound of tsumiki's laugh as you cuddle her, or your smile as you hold her closer. 

so he just stands there, observing. 

you don't say anything as the girl thinks, merely rub your hand up and down on her back, like a reminder that you're still there. 

tsumiki remains quiet for a moment, and then she whispers, “i’m afraid that i’ll forget about my mom." 

satoru is shocked by the statement, little pricks of guilt perusing through his chest. during all of the digging he did about toji zenin, he wasn't sure where the woman was, or if she was worth finding. he hadn't even thought of it, really. he wasn't very good at that. 

and he watches as you pause, feeling kind of eager to see how you'll respond. 

your hand continues its circles, and you smile, gently, knowing. “i used to feel that way too," you tell her, just as softly. 

and maybe that hurts satoru even more.

“really?” 

“yeah. i don’t talk to my mom anymore, but i used to worry that i would forget how she smelled," your nose falls in tsumiki's hair, and you pause for a moment. satoru almost smiles as you close your eyes. "or the way she hugged me," you add, squeezing. 

he's never really heard you talk about your parents before. the vauge comment here and there, sure, but nothing more. he knows the bare bones of when you left home—if only from what yaga told suguru, a million years ago, but nothing more. you don’t talk about that.

or maybe he's just never asked. 

tsumiki nods, her wide eyes kind of amazed at the confession. and satoru is suddenly glad that he let you follow tsumiki to her room, that he knocked on your door that first night when he wasn't sure what to do with either of them. 

you understand this better than he ever could. better than he ever will. 

“did you forget?”

you smile. “no. it’s hard to forget those little things, no matter how long it’s been," you consider it for a second, "i don’t remember a lot about her but i remember hugging her when she got home from work, and the way she said my name.” 

tsumiki's perks up, “do you think it’ll be like that for me?” 

“i don’t know, sweetheart. it could be. you might remember more than i do," you cup her face for a moment, hoping with her. 

“my mom always wore rose perfume,” tsumiki's hands cover your own, and she looks closely at you, like satoru wishes he could. “do you miss your mom?” 

satoru holds his breath for a moment, and your eyes narrow as you think. 

“sometimes," you admit.

“does it make you sad?” 

“every once in a while.“ 

tsumiki swallows, her face falling. “i miss my mom."

you kiss her head. satoru sees your eyes flutter closed as you speak to her, so softly he almost misses it. “it’s okay to be sad without them.” 

satoru closes his eyes with you, for just a moment. 

he thinks about aquariums and trips to abandoned houses and souvenirs that he couldn't keep but covet. 

and his eyes open again. 

“really?” tsumiki asks as if she doubts it.

“yeah. that’s just the way love comes out sometimes. it makes you sad.” 

“will it always?” 

“well, you’ll always love your mom, right?” the girl nods without thinking, and you smile at her. “then being without her will always make you a little sad. and sometimes a lot. but it’ll find its place in your heart, like everything does.” 

tsumiki thinks about this for a moment. 

satoru wants her to ask how many holes you have in your heart, and if you think they could ever be filled. 

and he also wants her to never ask you anything again. he shouldn't be listening to this, but he's stuck at the door. 

“do you think about your parents a lot?” 

“almost every day,” you say, looking away from the girl for a moment. and then you look back. “but i think about how my mom is happy where she is, and how i’m happy where i am.” 

satoru almost falls through the door. 

“you are?” 

“well yeah,” you say, obviously. you squeeze her a bit. “i’ve got you here. and megumi and satoru. how couldn’t i be happy?” 

tsumiki settles into you, she nods in agreement, but considers something, frowning up at you. “i don’t want megumi to be mad at me. he’s my best friend.”

“he’s not really mad,” you tell her--and, well, satoru disagrees. megumi is mad at everything. “and even if he was, he’ll always forgive you. that’s what best friends do. they argue and then make up.”

“who’s your best friend?”

your lip twitches. “satoru. and we fight all the time.” 

“really? gojo?” 

satoru wants to ask the same question. shoko, he might've assumed. nanami, even. if you knew he was there you would probably say that tsumiki was your best friend, just to mess with him. 

but he's there, and you don't know. 

you shake your head, acknowledging how crazy this statement is. “yup. i’m stuck with him.” 

“has he always been your best friend?” 

“oh no,” you laugh at the suggestion. “we met just a couple of years ago, at school. and he always had more friends than i did.” 

“…but now?” 

“he’s been my best friend for a while, i guess, but i haven’t been his for very long.” 

satoru frowns. 

“cause you always fight?” 

you laugh. “something like that.” 

something like what? 

and then you turn to her, eyes on eyes, making sure that she’s looking at you. “tsumiki, you know—“

and satoru thinks that he’s heard enough. he doesn't want any more secrets or any more questions. he closes the door as quietly as possible, letting his ear linger on the wood when he hears the two of you laugh. 

satoru sits for a moment, almost able to see your smile through the door, without all of his eyes, like he really took that picture. 

and then he walks away, into the dining room, where megumi is pushing his dinner around on a plate. 

satoru sits down. 

“what are they doing?” megumi asks, gruffly. he's calmer now, satoru notes, though grumpy as ever. 

“girl stuff.” 

“it’s dinner time.” 

“oh, megumi,” satoru tsks, shaking his head. “you’ve got lots to learn about women.” 

megumi frowns. “i know more than you.” 

“okay, i just came here to have a good time—“

*

later on, you’re unloading the dishwasher, trying to be quiet while the kids get ready for bed, and satoru walks in.

in striped pajamas naturally. no glasses. he is already grinning at you as he leans against the counter, his fingers tapping on the granite. 

you roll your eyes automatically, pushing him a little because he's in your way. 

"what, satoru?" 

“so, i’m your best friend, huh?” 

you turn. “i knew that door was open—“ 

*

next part

[byuntrash101]

realistic sex with mingi

mingi x f!reader fluff | smut | mdni a/n: mingi is the second entry to this series where i try to imagine how each member would actually fuck, as ✨realistically✨ as possible. disclaimer: i say realistic but lets be honest this is pure delulu behaviour and total fiction. everything is solely based on the vibes the boys give off.

first i wanna say loyal af. like he probably simped for you for a while before daring to even speak to you so now that he's got you he's not interested in anyone else. 

he will literally place in every conversation with a stranger that he has a gf within the first few minutes just so everything is clear.

also it helps that he just constantly wanna brag about you/show you off (more on that later). because he’s just so proud he pulled you.

mingi makes his intentions KNOWN. that man is taken thank you very much

he wears his heart on his sleeves and it shows when he's dating and i think that's why he sucks at flirting when he actually cares. if he's crushing on you he'll be all clumsy and will try to do too much to impress you by doing/being too much. eg: laughing super loud at jokes, or if you are with a group of friends he would find a way to make everyone quiet so you can speak (also will find a way to always be the one sitting next to you)

if it's just a fling for a confidence boost and he has no real interest in the person then he'll be so smooooooth, literally rizz over 9000. we’re talking full on witty/flirty remarks, attentive sharp eyes and sinful lip biting morphing into the most stunning smile you’ve ever seen.

but not with you nuh huh. the man was a mess either too selfconscious to speak or just ending up saying something really cringe (which he thought about for weeks after)

but eventually he got to score you for himself

that's why he absolutely loves skinship. he wants to hold your hand, have you play with his hair all the time. he wants to have his big hand on your thigh (we'll talk more about that later wink wonk) when you're sitting next to him. and he doesn't care if people are around. pda is his middle name. (definitely pda line with san and woo)

he will literally kiss you like his life depends on it in front of whoever wants to see. (actually he might even like have an audience wink wonk again)

i feel mingi enjoys lazy sex. he loves to take you when you're both laying on your side.  he likes that this way he gets to hold your hips. curl his fingers around your thighs and pull you back on his cock over and over again while he peppers you with kisses in the crook of your neck moaning just for you right in your ear

but what this man really loves is when you are on top. i’m convinced he's a switch. He can dom or sub but if he doms then you'll have to be a power bottom.

he just loves seeing you on top.

he truly believes under you is his rightful place. there or between your legs (more on that laterrrr)

needless to say he's a sub leaning switch but that being said he's not into anything very rough (especially not on the receiving end).

but he definitely has it in him. he can be really rough if you know how to push his buttons right

speaking of which that is not through jealousy

if he sees you flirting with someone else i don't think it will tap into his possessiveness. well it might but it won't have the desired effect. it will only make him insecure and maybe he will feel like he's losing you. so please don't make our giant baby jealous he'll only be sad.

(i think that would absolutely do the trick on joong, woo and 2ho)

no if you want him to rail you like a train i think you have to use one specific tactic for maximum domification effect: tapping into his voyeurism/exhibitionism thing

i feel like he would love for you to be risky in public like i said mingi is proud of you and he loves to show you off. he is def the type to like to have an audience. i think there's a little voyeurism/exhibitionism hiding in him somewhere. so tap into that to get him really going.

maybe lift up your skirt for him while grocery shopping or like whisper to him that you're not wearing any underwear while at the dinner table with all the members better yet one up that statement by discreetly slipping the undergarment into his hand. i guarantee he’ll become hard on the spot. if you start stroking his thighs (an innocent token of affection for the others) he will start leaking for you too. getting red in the face and blaming it on the alcohol when the others point it out.

if you’re really daring (and you really want him to go crazy on you after) brush your hand over his hard on but that’s risky because he just might jerk his hips up so powerfully (unintentionally ofc) that it will knock over your soju glasses.

but that’s the perfect excuse to bring him to the bathroom pretending he got some soju on his pants… (smirking evilly)

but yeah just be a little secretly naughty just for him. 

and now that he’s got you for himself it’s all over for you

he'll tear your clothes the second he can. making you take him hard and deep and manhandling you

bending you over the bathroom sink and pushing his big fat cock into your already pulsing little pussy. scoffing at you when he swipes his tip through your folds only to realize you are soaking wet.

“look at you. getting all wet from being a little brat all night”

the second he bottoms out he lets out the lowest of groans and snakes his fingers in your hair, lifting your head and making you look at yourself in the mirror.

"that's what you wanted right?" "i should have bent you over the table and taken you right there in front of all of them" 

he probably made you cum embarrassingly fast too "looked at your fucked out face, baby. you talked a big game but is that really all you got?" then proceeds to fuck you some more just to overstim you <3

dklajdlskslskdb

but i think he naturally gravitates towards subbing. he can and will dom but he prefers being taken care of (a princess <3) so if you're a dom by nature that's completely fine by him

one thing is certain mingi needs LOTS OF PRAISE. just watch his face melt when you tell him what a good job he does. the low groans turning into high pitched whimpers every time you call him your good boy. 

“you’re doing so good for me baby” “you feel so good inside me”

he will literally bury his face in your neck and muffle his whines on your skin.

and that's it he’s gone. done for. 

another big thing about this big man: ORAL

eating you out

mingi's purpose is to be between your legs. he loves to eat you out. hwa and him are the members that like it the most. but contrary to hwa that takes advantage of the absolutely fantastic muscle he has in his mouth mingi uses another advantage. which is his beautiful nose. mingi loves to actually fuck you with his whole face. he will slip his tongue into your center while rubbing his nose on your clit. 

or better yet he will have you sit on his face. and just so we’re clear when he says sit on it. he means SIT. he wants to suffocate in your juices, your thighs tightly wrapped around his head. he wants you to use him. he wants to feel your arousal dripping in his eager mouth and your taste clouding his mind. he wants to lose himself into you. he loves to feel your thrusts against his face, struggling to breathe every chances he gets. feeling drag you swollen clit over his mouth and nose and throbbing when your close. there’s nothing he likes more.

but mingi loves oral in general he also absolutely loves to be in your mouth

and the primary reason for this is very simple EYE CONTACT. he loves that. he loves to see you look at him. he wants to be your whole world (because you surely are his everything) and he loves to have your undivided attention. (that man just loves attention i mean have you seen him on stage? Doing all the scandalous body rolls just to wreck every bias list in the venue. literally the most leo move he can pull smh)

other reason why he loves to be in your mouth is because this man be packing the big gunsss proud member of big dick line with yunho

he loves to see you struggle to take him all in your mouth and loves to see your watery eyes and he likes it SLOPPY. Just go to town on his big fat cock. Really don't be shy. Use a lot of spit and changing of pace and don’t forget the balls. maybe edge him a little i think he might like it too. just imagine the beautiful noises you can pull out of him if you keep him on the edge for a while. until he caves in and just begs so sweetly for you <3

“pleasepleasepleaseplease” when he feels he’s close then sigh in disappointment when you take your mouth off him once again. So he bucks his hips up trying so bad to have your mouth around him again, his tip red and leaking for you. “please wanna cum so bad. pleaseplease i’ll do anything please let me cum”

all the while looking you dead in the eyes. he looks so cute his face all flushed and his mouth agape. he wouldn’t dare to take his eyes off yours for a second because he loves to see that smirk of yours spread on your lips. he wants to look at you all the time.

thats why mingi never wants to fuck in the dark in wants to see you (unlike hwa who loves to see you ofc but he needs to hear you)

and that's also why his favorite position is cowgirl!!!! he just loves looking at you make yourself feel good using his cock. he loves to look at your face, your chest, your body. just all of you using him. 

he gets to see your breasts bounce on your chest with every thrust. he gets to see you arch your back and your jaw fall open when you get close and gets to see your skin glisten under a light sheen of sweat. he gets to see your nails leaving beautiful marks on his pecs. the undeniable proof that he belongs to you. because that’s exactly what he wants to be. he wants to feel like your toy.

when it comes to the sounds. i don't think mingi is very vocal.... with words that is because yes you WILL absolutely hear him. when he's on top/in control. It's lots of deep, guttural groans. i mean the man can go deeeeeep with his voice (and his dick) so i feel like he'll do just that.

he's not the one doing the dirty talk but HE LOVES to hear you saying all those nasty things (hence the praising from earlier). It's literally the only time he'll shut up to let you do all the talking. so do that. that will make him absolutely crazy for you.

and when he gets close or he’s subbing the groans turn into high pitched whines. mingi can go really high pitched (cfr. the way he screams when he's scared in wanteez) so you know instantly when he's about to cum. right when he is on the edge i think is the right time to be a little rougher if you're on top. maybe choke him or pull his hair. he would really love that. but don't be too rough either, especially with words.

he likes to cum anywhere on or in you. but what he really likes is when you choose. he loves to hear you say "i want you to fill me up with your cum" or "you can cum in my mouth baby" he will bust instantly at those commands. because you got him wrapped around your fingers and he knows and can’t get enough.

but when you say "you're doing so well for me my baby as a reward i'll let you cum where you want" then be certain he's going to pick your face almost every time. and don't close your eyes. look at him! he loves to cum for you. he wants you to see that. 

afterwards you better big spoon him to sleep because he deserves it <3

IF U WANNA HELP ME PLEASE REBLOG WITHOUT USING THE COMMUNITY LABELS 🖤

want to see another member? request it in the comments or asks <3

realistic sex with seonghwa, with yunho, with wooyoung | ateez masterlist | navigation

[carakook]

Bloom. °˖✧✿✧˖°

"You didn't seem to think so ten minutes ago when I was fucking your pretty little brains out, or any of the other times for that matter. What's with the change of heart? You suddenly feel guilty?"

→ Chapters list ←

⚘Intro

⚘1. Wilt.

🔞For Mature Audiences Only🔞

╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗

⚘Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader

⚘Synopsis: Y/N realizes tonight that she can no longer handle the guilt. She wants things with Jungkook that seem impossible given their situation. As much as it hurts, this will be the last time she sleeps with Jungkook… that’s what she thinks, anyway.

⚘Genre:Forbidden love

⚘Word count: 5K+

⚘Warnings: 18+ for mature audiences only, MDNI, rough sex, mentions of hate sex (but not actual hate sex), emotional, mentions of cheating, arguing (sort of), sad Jungkook (def needs a warning no one wants JK sad), ass slapping, hair pulling, jealousy, breakup (sort of?), let me know if I missed anything.

⚘Disclaimer: This story in no way reflects the characters of those who are mentioned. It is pure fiction and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Nothing is real in this story.

⚘A/N:Chapter one is out! Starts off a bit emotional right off the bat lol but I hope you enjoy it. Can’t wait to release more chapters! Thank you for reading. 🥰

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ :

♪ Stuck with Me - The Neighborhood

♪ Eyes Don’t Lie - Isabel LaRosa

♪ Run - Joji

✧━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━✧

Bliss.

That's what you feel when you're with him. For example, right now. Pure bliss.

The bliss is enough to make you forget about the guilt. The shame. The absolute sin that you're both committing.

He grunts out as he stalls his movements, "Fuck, baby, I need you to be still, I wanna take my time. Gonna cum too fast if you keep doing that."

This pleases you, so you slowly push yourself into him. He has you laying on your stomach with your ass perched up, face smooshed into his pillow, his favorite position. He loves the view. He loves your ass. He loves your body and how, in moments like this, it's his and only his.

As you push into him, you wiggle a little bit, regardless of how much your legs shake from the sensation. He's deep. So deep. Deeper than any other guy has ever been able to get.

He throws his head back, eyes rolling back with it, and he grunts almost as if he's in pain as his entire body tenses. He's close. You can feel him twitching. You can't help but let out a little laugh, pleased with yourself.

Oh, but he doesn't like that very much.

He grabs the back of your neck forcefully, leaning himself onto you, and pressing his back firmly against your own. He tilts your head so that his lips are touching your ear, and he grunts again as he buries himself even deeper into you, which seems impossible.

"If you wanted me to fuck you like I hate you, you could've just asked."

Without even giving you a moment to respond, he pushes your face into the pillow, muffling any noise that you make. He slams into you forcefully, so hard that the headboard of his bed slams into the wall. He keeps his hand on your head, ensuring that you don't move. He doesn't relent, as he slams himself into you at such a fast pace, that your entire body is vibrating. He's never fucked you like this before. And you love it.

You couldn't make a sound even if you wanted to, you're left speechless.

It doesn't take him long to come undone, and you don't mind, because he already made you cum three times. You're sure that you've been going at it for nearly two hours now, a mixture of heated kissing, grinding, and teasing. He fingered you and gave you head, and you had already came once around his cock, so you think that he's earned it.

He empties inside of you, painting your walls white as hot ropes of cum shoot into you. The feeling is unlike any other. Even if he isn't yours, it feels like he is at this very moment. And you're his too. You always have been.

The twitching dies down, and he lays himself on top of you gently, making sure to pepper the back of your neck with soft kisses.

He lays there for a moment, catching his breath, as you do the same. Despite being sober, a drunken smile crosses his face, his dimples on show. One of the things you love most about him.

You, on the other hand, come down from your high fairly quickly. The moment he disconnects himself from you is when reality hits you every time.

The guilt surfaces.

You've never not felt guilty about what you're both doing.

Recently, however, it's been prominent. Too prominent. At first, you were easily able to shoo the guilt away. It all started so easily, and things just happened, before you even knew what situation you were putting yourself in.

Once you found out that he was married, it ate you alive, but it never stopped you. Because you're selfish and shameless. You love him. And sometimes, love is a hell of a drug, causing you to do stupid things.

You grew to love him a bit too quickly, at first it was just fun, but all it took was a bouquet of roses and his concerned face the day after he went a bit too rough on you in the bedroom, for you to fall in love with him.

You didn't mind him being rough. It was the first time a man had ever handled you in such a way, and you fucking loved it.

But Jungkook is an overthinker.

After you were done that night, he saw the tears staining your face. You assured him they weren't sad tears, you couldn't even control them, you had just experienced such sensations that overwhelmed your brain and your body, crying and cumming seemed to have been the release of those sensations.

He showed up with those roses and puppy dog eyes, totally out of the blue, he hadn't even texted you before arriving. He was so concerned. He himself looked as if he might cry, and you couldn't help but think it was too cute.

He hugged you so tightly that you'd think he was afraid you were gonna float away. He apologized profusely and said that he couldn't get your tears out of his head after he left. He felt terrible, no matter how much you reassured him. He even had a nightmare about it.

It took an entire hour of him sitting on your couch to convince him that you were, in fact, ok, and had never felt better. Although embarrassing to admit, you explained to him that you've never felt more pleasure out of anything. And you want him to do it again. He finally gave in and accepted your explanation, but still apologized once more.

That night you didn't sleep together. It was the first time you guys had hung out without having sex. You watched movies, ate junk food, and talked about stupid shit all night long.

That's when you realized you loved him. And you were fucked.

You blame it on your fucked up brain. Daddy issues. Abandonment issues. Attachment issues. Girly things.

You shouldn't love this man. You shouldn't even like him. You'd think finding out he was married would have been enough to get you to run the fuck away from him.

But it didn't.

You loved him so desperately that you decided to live with it. Pretended that it was ok. Because when you were with him, it was oh so easy to forget.

The moment that he left though, that's when it ate you alive.

Especially recently.

Your visits used to be sporadic, spontaneous even. No more than once every week, usually two. It was easy to push it away after the first few days of being without him again. Then you started craving him, causing all of the guilt and coherent thought to completely leave, or hide maybe, which would make it easier to give in to your selfish desires.

Recently, though, he's been an animal. Wanting to see you constantly. Several times a week. As if he was addicted.

You didn't complain at first. You were able to replace the guilt with pride, loving the fact that he wanted you that badly. He was willing to make whatever excuses he did to come and see you.

But it has proven to make the guilt worse.

You find yourself awake at night, wondering what excuse he gave his wife, whether or not she's becoming suspicious of his sudden and often absence. If it were you, it'd be clear that something wasn't quite right. Then again, you don't know how good of a liar Jungkook really is or isn't, because you never ask these questions.

This leads your thoughts to a dark place, wondering if she even loves him like you do, does she take care of him like you do, does she kiss him like you do, does she touch him like you do, does he think about you when he's inside of her...

Jealousy plagues you when you have no right to be jealous. He isn't yours. The ring on his finger signifies the fact that he belongs to someone else.

You feel bitter, towards a woman that you don't even know.

You've never seen pictures of her, you've never asked about her, you don't even know her name. You don't know what kind of life she lives. If she's happy. Yet, you still wish nothing more than to be her.

Love. It's fucked up. Especially when you fall in love with someone out of reach.

Since he has made his frequent visits a habit, you've been slowly becoming comfortable with the idea of calling things off. You love him. You do. But you know that he will never be yours, and although he so often proclaims his love for you, you just can't believe him. If he loved you, you wouldn't be his dirty little secret.

Dirty. That's how you feel.

So, you made a vow to yourself before coming to his second apartment (the one that's so kindly reserved for your secret encounters), that it'll be the last time.

Comforting, in a way, that you'll be able to leave the guilt of what you're doing behind. Or you hope so anyway.

Yet, the dread that you feel from the fact that this means he'll no longer be in your life, makes you feel almost as if your heart will explode into tiny little pieces and result in your ultimate demise.

Death would be easier.

He has no idea about the thoughts going through your head right now. He's still coming down from his high, looking as if he's never felt happier. He has no idea of the bomb you're about to drop on him, and you're entirely terrified of what his reaction may be. Will he care? Will he freak out? Will he fight for you?

As if he can read your thoughts, he looks at you with concerned eyes, moving your hair out of your face as he moves to lay next to you, instead of on top of you.

"Was I too rough?"

You smile sadly at him, "No. No such thing."

He smiles so innocently at you as if he didn't just almost break the bed fucking you into oblivion.

His smile quickly fades as he sees the frown on your face that you so desperately tried to contain.

"Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me."

You glance at him, biting your lip nervously, trying to figure out how to bring this up. How to end it.

Yet, you can't help yourself. There are so many questions in your head, questions that you have no business to ask. But still, you're curious, and you blurt out before even giving it a second thought, "What have you been telling her? Since we've been seeing each other so often."

This catches him off guard, the hand that was cradling your face so tenderly as you let yourself get lost in your head, suddenly tenses. He slowly pulls it away and turns his body so that he's lying on his back, now staring at the ceiling. Avoiding looking at you.

His guard is up.

"Told her I have some projects at work that require extra attention. Why?"

He still doesn't look at you. Your heart crumbles.

"Don't you feel... guilty?"

He sighs and closes his eyes, purses his lips, and lets out a deep breathe that sounds labored. He props himself up on his elbow and looks down at you, his gaze remains loving, but guarded.

"What's with the questions?"

You blink at him, now you're the one who's caught off guard by his cold response. He feels guilty. Behind that tiny spec of love in his eyes, is nothing but guilt. And now worry.

He thinks you're gonna tell her.

You quickly shut down those thoughts, "Stop overthinking Kook. I'm not gonna say anything. This is a secret for me too, you know. I'd never wanna out myself as someone's fucking mistress."

You can't hide your irritation at his distrust. You don't blame him, but also, you aren't the only one in the wrong here. It takes two to commit this type of sin. He isn't innocent. And you hate knowing that all you'll ever be is his secret. A secret that he'll never cherish enough to tell or share with someone.

He furrows his brows, suddenly looking angry, "Mistress? What the fuck?"

You glance at him and scoff, "That's what I am, right? I'm your mistress. Side piece. Sneaky link. Take your pick, Jeon."

That pisses him off even further. He hates it when you refer to him as Jeon. As if you're his business partner. It feels cold. It feels wrong. He's always been Kook, Kookie, and sometimes even Koo when you can't fully get his name out while he's railing you. Jeon is reserved for impersonal encounters. Or frustration, in this situation.

He looks at you as if you've slapped him in the face, becoming animated in his frustration as he speaks, his eyebrows scrunch up as he speaks, and he sounds a bit whiny, "You aren't my mistress, don't ever call yourself that again. I love you. Fuck."

This earns him another scoff, more like a laugh, "Ha!" Is the sound that you let out, and he glares at you even further. He's nearly pouting at this point, and it takes all of your self-control not to smoosh his cheeks and kiss his face all over. It pisses you off that he can be so cute when you are feeling like such shit. You channel that anger into the problem at hand.

Your guard is up too. The mention of love will quickly bring the walls up, separating you two from each other.

"Love me? You don't love me."

He shakes his head, almost as if he's certain he heard you incorrectly. His eyes blink rapidly, and he stares at the wall with a pout on his face, thinking to himself, "Surely she didn't just say that?" It takes a few moments of him looking at you like a lost puppy for him to respond.

"Where is this coming from Y/N?"

"Do you love her too?"

You don't want to hear the answer. But you know that you need to.

His tongue darts out of his mouth, licking his bottom lip before he bites it. A clear sign of nervousness. He's overthinking. Considering his words carefully.

He sighs before he responds, tilting his head to one side as if it'll help him understand your sudden cold mood, "Can you explain to me what the sudden change is? I don't understand why you're asking these kinds of questions all of a sudden."

He avoided the question.

Your anger rises.

"Would you leave her for me?"

You make sure to look him directly in his eyes, wanting to relay how absolutely serious you're being. You won't back down. You feel that you selfishly deserve answers after everything. Even if you're guilty.

"Y/N, you know that's not an easy question. I can't just leave my wife. I've built a life with her. Shit isn't easy."

Not a straight answer, but it is a straight punch in the gut.

The hurt disguised as anger reaches the surface, overflowing, leaking into every crack of your being.

Enough.

You hastily get off of the bed, picking up pieces of your clothes to quickly dress yourself. You feel too vulnerable. You want to hide. You need to cover yourself in some way.

"Y/N, what is happening? Talk to me please."

You don't answer. He's looking at you as if he's silently panicking. As if his entire world is about to come crashing down, and he's having to watch. He doesn't know what to do. And he can feel what's coming. What you promised yourself would happen tonight.

"I want to stop this, Jungkook."

He stills. As if he's becoming a statue. One look at him, and you second guess whether or not you're Medusa, and fear that he may soon crumble into dust.

"Why?" He nearly whispers, and his voice cracks, and oh fuck, it takes everything in you to not run over and cradle him as if he's a baby. Your baby.

But he isn't. That's the problem here.

"Because, Kook, I can't live with the guilt. I can't live with being someone's mistress. I want to get married too, at some point. I need to move on and live my life, stay open for whoever is gonna make me theirs one day."

You didn't just punch him in the gut, you took a dagger and dug it into his heart, twisted it around, and left it there. He's hurt. So hurt. He wishes that you were Medusa because then he could crumble into dust instead of having to watch you walk out of his life for good. Instead of having to endure the consequences of his mistake. A mistake that he, himself, would never ever call a mistake. Maybe a tragedy, or a twist of fate, but never a mistake.

But he's like you and disguises it with anger. It's easier that way.

"You fucking serious? What do you not understand about the fact that you're not my mistress? I love you, Y/N."

As you button up your jeans, you notice that he's now standing. He's perched himself against the dresser, staring at you with an intensity that makes you nearly uncomfortable. As if he can see into the depths of your very soul. Something you do not want right now.

"No, Jungkook, you do not love me. If you loved me, things would be different. You're married, for fucks sake, and all of this is so wrong."

Jungkook is a sweetheart. Always has been. Despite his rough hands in the bedroom, never once has he not been gentle with you, even when you're snarky with him. But one thing about him is that he's petty. He can be immature when he's provoked. When he feels hurt or rejected. Like a big man-child, he acts out.

"You didn't seem to think so ten minutes ago when I was fucking your pretty little brains out, or any of the other times for that matter. What's with the change of heart? You suddenly feel guilty?"

You snap.

"I've always fucking felt guilty Jungkook! Always! It eats me alive. I can't continue doing this knowing that you're not only married but will never love me the same way that I love you. It's going to ruin me. I need to get on with my life."

He's closer now, as you button up your blouse. You ignore him. You can't bear to look at him. You want to get this over with.

"Y/N, please look at me."

He says it almost as if it's a plea for forgiveness. As if he's begging. So soft that he's nearly whispering. He regrets his outburst, not even a minute after it happened. He's too sweet. He has too big of a heart. A heart that is not yours.

But you don't look at him. You can't. You can't risk the fact that one look at him may just change your mind.

"Look. At. Me."

No longer a beg, now a demand. But you still don't look at him. He probably assumes you're being stubborn, but in reality, you're fucking scared to look at him right now. He makes you so damn weak.

You start to bend down to grab your shoes, but he grabs your arm, forcing you to face him. His touch is firm, urging you to comply, but still gentle. And when you still don't look at him, he grabs your chin in the same way, firm yet gentle, forcing you to look at him.

Don't back down.

"I love you."

But then you see it. As you look into his eyes, it mirrors your own. He loves you just as much as you love him. Eyes don’t lie. It's clear as day. Yet, all logic in your brain tells you that he's lying. How can he possibly love you when this is your relationship? Regardless of the time you spend together after the sex, you wonder if he'd even come around if sex wasn't involved.

So you push him away.

You yank your chin out of his grasp. And you spit out, "You have no idea what love is. You fuck someone else behind your wife's back. That's not love. Not for either of us. You're selfish."

You've once again hurt him. You continue taking that dagger that you left in his heart, stabbing it over and over again. Yet, no matter how many times you defile his heart, it is still beating for you.

He didn't expect this sort of reaction out of you. He didn't know what to expect, actually. He hoped that his words, and the sincerity in his gaze, would convince you. Even if you did leave. He didn't want you to leave thinking that you were no more than a good fuck to him. Because even if you don't know, you're so much more, and he has no idea how to explain it.

What you said really hurt him. He, himself, doesn't quite understand why he's put himself in this situation. He does love his wife. Or he thought that he did. Ever since you came along, he isn't so sure.

Jungkook has never cheated on anyone, even in his younger and more irresponsible days. Loyalty was always important to him. He'd rather break his partner's heart by leaving them than break their heart by cheating and making them feel as if they're not enough. Although that's exactly what he's doing with you.

He's a great liar. Something that you've always wondered about. So great that his wife is none the wiser… or maybe she just doesn’t care enough to notice.

Ever since he met you, something blossomed inside of him. It's as if there was a seed planted in his heart, all of the women that he had ever been with nurtured it and tried to get it to grow. Some did the opposite, causing it to get buried deeper inside of him and stay stagnant. But, as soon as you came along, it sprouted. A tiny leaf. A new feeling. Slowly, as you spent time together, regardless of how impure what you did was, this leaf bloomed into a beautiful flower. The petals are decorated in the various shades of you. Claiming his heart in a way that you aren't even aware of.

Not even his wife could do that.

And he's married to her. He has been for two years now. He's been in a relationship with her for four. They met freshman year of college, and the rest was history. He assumed that would be the end of it. His happily ever after.

But, he never bloomed. He didn't even know that he could bloom. Didn't know that he needed to bloom. He just thought his wife was it for him.

Until he met you.

He doesn't want to let you go, but he doesn't exactly know how to keep you either. There are options, there are always options. But none are viable. None give him a clear conscience, and regardless of how eagerly you asked him earlier, he knows that if he did leave his wife for you, you would feel guilty the entirety of your relationship. There is no good ending for you two. Every single option ends in you two living with guilt for the rest of your lives. Which ultimately would end in the downfall of you both. Chaos. Disaster. Two worlds colliding that shouldn't have to begin with. The end of the fucking world.

He doesn't want that, no matter how tempting the thought of leaving his wife is. No matter how tempting being with you forever sounds. No matter how tempting the idea of being the one to marry you one day sounds. He doesn't want you to have to live with the guilt of his own selfish decisions. He just wants you to bloom.

His wife isn't perfect. In fact, she's kind of a bitch. But he's always been able to handle her. She grew up rich, privileged, and a bit stuck up. Jungkook had an average childhood and was a bit of a delinquent in his teenage years. She clung on to the bad boy in him. Yet, she still treats him as if he's a child.

He was ok with this, didn't mind it at all… until he met you. You cared for him in a way that she never did. Regardless of this little secret being built upon a foundation of lust and infidelity, you treated him as if he were your husband instead. You cooked for him, you took care of him whenever he was drunk or hungover, you checked on him if you felt something was wrong, and you did so many little things to show him how much you cared.

He remembered the time when he was so stressed at work that he gained a few pimples. He never got pimples. Regardless of how beautiful he is, he’s still human. He gets insecure. You hated that he didn't feel beautiful.

So, you invited him over that morning before he went to work. It was unlike you. You usually save your unholy acts for the dark. So he expected that you just missed his touch.

However, when he arrived early that morning, you did no such thing. You greeted him with a big breakfast composed of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and strawberry syrup that you homemade. Something that his wife never did. She never cooked, always ordered takeout, or nagged him to cook.

After the breakfast, which was filled with innocent conversation and banter, you took him to your bathroom. You knew that his pimples were bothering him. He texted you a selfie of it the night before, followed by "I look like a fucking teenage boy :(" Something so human, so natural, caused him to doubt himself in so many ways. He held himself to such a high standard that something as simple as an inevitable stress-induced pimple made him feel less than worthy.

So, after he became stubborn and told you that he didn't want you to touch or look at them, you reassured him to trust you. And he did. So easily. You decorated his pimples with tiny little star patches, patches that you reserved for yourself and your really bad days because they were expensive as fuck on your tight budget, but he was more than worth it. He was hesitant, as he saw what you were doing. But then he looked in the mirror, and he didn't even see the pimples, he didn't even care about the girly and childish stars covering his chin and temple. He saw you, and the way you lit up as you saw him.

Inevitably, the morning ended with you two having a quickie. But it wasn't lust-filled as usual. It was something more. Something sweet.

He arrived at work no longer feeling insecure. He kept the stars on his face, regardless of how goofy they felt, they were a reminder of you. How you saw him, how you wanted to reassure him, how you wanted to protect him. Even from himself.

He had such a good day at work that day. Although, as soon as he got home and his wife saw the stars, she scolded him. Told him that they weren't manly. They made him look ridiculous and childish. Made him take them off. But it didn't matter, because the flower had bloomed fully that day.

He wanted your flower to bloom.

He wanted to make your flower bloom.

But he knew that he couldn't exactly do that when he was married. Unlike you, his flower, the one claimed by you, was surrounded by a fence. A fence composed of his wife.

Maybe a cage is more accurate.

He knew that your flower would never fully bloom as long as that cage was in place.

He knew that he needed to let you go, for your flower to bloom, no matter how much it hurt him.

So, he did. Or he tried to anyway.

He cleared his throat, fighting his tears. There were some truths behind your words, but the one prominent lie is the fact that you think he doesn't love you. He does. But he'll never convince you with the nature of your relationship.

"I... I understand. You're right. We should stop."

Your heart cracked. Your flower wilted.

He didn't deny it. He didn't fight. And a part of you was expecting him to. But you know how selfish and naive that is.

You say nothing. You grab your purse after putting on your shoes. You head for the door and hesitate as you feel his sad eyes boring into the back of your head.

You don't look at him, but you quietly bid your goodbye.

"Goodbye Jungkook. Take care of yourself... love your wife more."

And you walk. Nearly run. Desperate to escape the suffocating smell of his apartment.

He follows you but says nothing. He stops as you reach the front door. But he doesn't stop you.

Quickly, you open his front door and slam it shut, and then you freeze. You don't know why you linger, but you do. Possibly waiting for him to rush out, profess his love to you, and offer to leave his wife so that you can live happily ever after. Hope, that you have no right to hang on to.

Instead, you're greeted with a few seconds of silence. And then a bang. And then a crash. And then a scream. He's losing it. And you know you've lost him. He won't fight. He won't beg you to be his. He's lashing out because he knows that he can't.

So you take a deep breath, and you walk away. Feeling numb. Feeling alone. Feeling empty.

Dirty.

✧━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━✧

[reareaotaku]

so I had a though what if the Barbies and the Kens actually had private parts but actively avoided them (think, using etc)?

Like Barbies do have boobs and you can see that the Kens have nipples. Also dolls - as far as I remember - had panties, craved in, panties.

I believe in the movie they talk about how they don't have genitals. Though, let's say that they do have privates, what would happen? Also ignoring the second part

Pleasurable Sin [Headcanons]

Yandere! Ryan! Ken x Fem! Reader Tw: Smut/Nsfw, Masturbation/Jerking Off, Ken has a dick! 🔞18+ Content due to dark and adult themes. Read at your own risk

The Barbies are more sexually aware/have a sexual education

The only reason the Kens don't ALSO have a sexual education is because they don't take it seriously [Also, they're not really getting laid]

There are no diseases, STD & STIs, because there's nothing to give it to them if that makes sense?

They are humanized versions of their doll personas, meaning they have human bodies and need food, water, air, etc

The Kens are very sexual

Your Ken, Ryan, is always touching you and humping you, quite literally

The first time Ken jerked off he had no idea what he was doing

He grabbed the base/shaft and slowly moves up towards the tip. He slowly picks up the pace, which causes him to groan. He really liked the feeling and speeds up. He quickly speeds up when feeling his lower intestine tighten up and then cums all over his hand

He's out of breath and excited with this newfound pleasure

It makes him wonder if you also feel like this

He's completely clueless and thinks you also have a penis

"Well, don't you pull on it too?"

You look at him confused, before laughing at him. He blushes, embarrassed, feeling like a fool."

"We don't have the same genitalia, you know that right, Ken?"

"Of course I do... So what does it look like?"

Once he does figure out what jerking off and how good it is, he does it a lot

When you rub against him, it's like seeing stars

It feels better when you rub him than when he rubs himself

Man will do anything for you to touch him

He's very loud and cries during sex

He'll cover his mouth when your mouth is wrapped around him, because he doesn't want anyone to hear him

Suck him like a lolipop, it's like a treat for him

Barbie Dreamhouse Ken would care about your pleasure

Ken is so excited and sometimes forgets to please you

He moves so fast and energetically

Though, if you tell him, he'll be more cautious, because his biggest fear is you not loving him. So, when he does realize that he's been upsetting/displeasing you, he's scared

While he does enjoy the feeling of being inside you, if you show any discomfort, now that he has eagle eyes on you, he'll be quick to ask what's wrong

He's willing to do whatever you're up for

He's also really easy to turn on

If Boner Alerts existed, his would go off anytime you're near

You don't even have to do anything; You just talk a certain way/Lean into him just a little to far/ You look at him a certain way... Well, it all works and he gets excited

He gets really sad when you say no, but is willing to do it by himself. He'd rather you help him, but it's okay, he'll just use his imagination

Oh boy, does his imagination run wild

Good thing Porn doesn't exist in Barbie Land, because he'd be wanting to do it all with you

While he does love 'Love-making', he doesn't think about it constantly. Sometimes he loves the way you look in the sunlight. You look beautiful when you smile. Your laugh makes his heart beat and his skin gets those goosebumps. A shiver runs up his back when you look at him like he's the only man in the world

There's no one else like you. Yeah, the Barbies are pretty, but you are one of a kind and you're the only person who owns Ken's mind

[razzle-n-dazzle]

ᯓ★ MASTERLIST home to all of razzle-n-dazzle's work

ᯓ Lucifer | king of hell, the devi

! Dating Headcanons | "They see right through me" ! Oneshot [TW: depression] | "Give Your Corpse Some Smile Lines."

ᯓ Adam | the first man, the original dick

! Dating Headcanons | "Alright, Sugartits." ! Yandere Headcanons | "Cus, You're Mine, All Mine" ! Drabble | "You Promised!" ! Drabble | "Adam, Love, SHUT THE F-" ! Drabble - Oneshot | "Lets Give This Another Shot"

ᯓ Alastor | the radio demon

! none

ᯓ Vox | flat-faced prince

! Dating Headcanons | "OH FUCK" (t.b.p. - at some point) ! Yandere Headcanons | triple threat

ᯓ Angel Dust | anthony, porn star

! Yandere Headcanons | triple threat

ᯓ Husk | bartender of the hazbin hotel

! none

ᯓ Asmodeus | embodiment of lust

! Yandere Fizzmodeus Oneshot | Murder is Okay, Shutting Us Out Isn't

ᯓ Fizzarolli | entertainer at ozzie's, fizz

! Yandere Fizzmodeus Oneshot | Murder is Okay, Shutting Us Out Isn't

ᯓ Blitzo | founder of i.m.p

! Drabble | "Lust, not Love . . . Love, not Lust"

ᯓ Stolas | prince of ars geotia, dark lord

! none

ᯓ Mammon | sin of greed, sad sack of shit

! Yandere Headcanons | triple threat

Home | Author's Choice

[ if you don't see a person listed on here, that doesn't mean I don't write for them, it just means I might not be planning to write for them right now, or haven't been requested them! Feel free to request a character, even if they're not on here, as they'll be added! ]

[prisi]

I feel TOH fails a lot with the treatment that Belos and his lore receive towards the end. I think his arc will feel so much more complete if the show was allowed to show us that he suffered in the past and wasn't like "nah he is just pure evil and he has always been like that". I don't like how the show wants you to believe that Caleb did nothing wrong or reprehensible when there's obvious implications that he abandoned Philip to go with Evelyn, it will be so much more interesting that the show recognized that Caleb was naive and selfish in abandoning his brother (who only have him as family and support figure) to his own in the puritan era, and how that action of Caleb deeply damaged Philip emotionally and mentally (kinda like Luz abandoning Camila to live her fantasy in the Boiling Isles without thinking in the consequences but we are not talking about that right now, I love Luz btw don't get mad at me). And Philip, who probably entered the Isles with the sole intention to "save" his brother who at his eyes was bewitched and seduced by an evil witch to go with her, when he finally found his brother after many years and found out that Caleb actually loved Evelyn and DECIDED to leave him behind he totally lost his mind.

A confrontation escene between Philip and Caleb (it could be a flashback or something showed in Hollow Mind even) will be so interesting to watch, something like in the third season of Infinity Train when Simon confronts The Cat for abandoning him as a child, Caleb will try to justify himself at first saying that he is sorry, that he thought Philip was going to be okay on his own, that he didn't thought that he was going to miss him or something, making Philip more angry, sad and confused.

The situation will scale to the point that Philip, (who's original goal was to kill Evelyn to bring back Caleb in the Human Realm) now that he is angry, sad and out of his senses he tries to attack Caleb with the dagger he had in his hand which triggers the knife fight in which Caleb dies.

Philip, after realizing that he killed the only person he had in the world, he tries to justify himself in an internal monologue like: "oh well, I murdered you, but in doing so I freed your soul from the union with that sinful witch. That's what the witch hunting taught me, right? That's what YOU taught me, RIGHT?". Trying to shift the blame for what just happened onto Caleb but also letting us know and acknowledging that it was Caleb who introduced and instructed Philip in the witch hunt and did nothing to reverse it.

Coming to the end, when the fight ends and Belos and Luz are face to face, the scene would play out more or less as we see it in canon but at the moment in which the first drop of boiling rain falls on his hand and begins to see his body dissolve, he enters a mental breakdown in which he realizes that he wasted his entire life on a goal that made no sense, the witches weren't evil or a threat and he knew it, but he clung to his goal because he did not want to face the reality, he did not want to accept that he had killed his brother in vain nor did he want to accept that he had decided to abandon him, and he did not want to die knowing that he wasted 400 years suffering for something that was not worth it. At the end of his collapse he would crawl a little and see Hunter in the distance (because yes, Hunter should have been present in the end even a little), he would try to extend his hand in his direction but Hunter, noticing this, would close his eyes, look away and take a step back behind Eda and Raine. Philip experienced his brother's abandonment again but with the difference that this time it is merely his fault, because even if Caleb damaged Philip deeply with his abandonment, he is not responsable of the path Philip choosed to take.

Seeing and realizing all of this Belos would stop crawling and give up, lying on the ground, breathing hard as the boiling rain finally dissolves him and dies.

Or at least that is how I liked it to happen, let me know what you think.

[starrailstories]

Hey! Could you write something about Blade having a keeper of time/ timekeeper s/o? ♥

first ask!!! let's hecking goooooooo

i wanted to write headcanons but then one thing led to another and it's a short story that i hope you enjoy

Blade x gn!Timekeeper!S/O — Seen in the shards

warnings: mentions of blade's depression and suicidal thoughts (canon-compliant), possibly ooc but i really really hope i wrote him well

Blade is destruction incarnate, the mara and rage and grief taking over him sporadically, like bile rising to the throat. He is an effective tool of the Hunters (ironic, isn't it? an abomination like him hardly can Hunt), and many would think that this is all he is, a bounty and a sin and a loosely held leash.

You know him differently, though. You know him in the moments of repose in-between the storm that he brings along, and in those moments, he feels like a large shard of time away from where he'd fit. It's always shards with him, glimpses of past mistakes, and battles, and memories, but mostly sorrow. You think of the ways time cracks as you struggle to keep it whole, revealing the uncomfortable truths you dare not mention to the IPC or the Intelligentsia Guild. It's kind of similar, like if you try just enough, you'll see the complete picture once again.

And he doesn't get you at first, because collecting broken shards and piecing them back is not what Blade does. Blade is all about burning bridges, throwing himself into battle headfirst, Blade does - not - get it when you show concern or worry, when you offer to share a meal, when you tend to a wound of his, when you try and protect him in battle, because he isn't supposed to be together, only apart, shatter and shatter and shatter in hopes that one day, he'll just lie there broken and dead and gone.

You care and that hurts, for some reason, hurts in a way that doesn't sate his urge to be hurt.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

"I almost pity you, Bladie. But envy you all the same," Kafka drops one day as they're sat in a boujee cafe on a planet that will experience a Stellaron catastrophe in about three system hours. She raises her cup of tea to her lips almost immediately, but he catches a hint of a smile.

"Pity, I understand, but I do not welcome it. However, what of the envy?"

Kafka set down her cup gently, in a manner that she would always do, and her smile faded.

"Soon, you would know the meaning of fear. You knew it once, but in a different lifetime. Now, you will know it again, and it will hurt in different ways. It's fascinating."

She spoke with a certainty, as if reciting a script. Possibly that was the case, and that was more sad than anything. Given a power to make anyone listen, but stuck saying words someone else wrote.

"So it will happen?"

"As much as anything said by Destiny's Slave will. There's a seed for fear in that, too. You will resent your wish and your fate, but it still will happen, even if you don't want it to happen anymore."

Right. Blade looks away, because he doesn't usually decipher the grand scheme of things. He was promised a death and a settling of the score, and he is content with that, content in the way a sword is content to rest in its sheath. Kafka reaches across the table to touch his forehead as if to impart a wisdom.

She'd point a gun to his head and he'd be just as apathetic.

"Listen. I am telling you this for your sake, after all."

There's no command behind the word, and Blade regrets this, because thinking he dislikes most of all.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Fear is a foreign concept, but the more you reach out to him with your care, the more he starts to grasp it. He knows of your strength, he knows of your capabilities, he sees you constantly fixing time itself, reaching into the molten metal with hands exposed and heart bare, to stitch all together before the past pours into the present and the future into the past and a sea of fake stars replaces the cosmos you traverse (you told him once of a world inside an egg one time, where the sky is fake and the up is down and why does he remember these trivial things again).

But he also knows of his own strength, and how all that he touches goes awry, and that is scary — to see you reach out when he knows full well how your care might destroy you, how he might destroy you.

"You shouldn't be picking up the shards. They'd cut you," he says one time after another crack is restored and the anomaly of the Fragmentum shifts into a stable state. His sword drags on the ground, leaving a distinctly red trace. You know he isn't speaking about the timeline.

"Those are big words coming from someone carrying a sword made of shards," you smile like you always do and it hurts. Because it hurts to be cared for and treated like a person and where were you those centuries ago when dying still felt memorable and there was something besides the anger?

He wishes he fell into a timeline anomaly back then because that would mean even for a moment, being caught by you, and that is a scary thought.

"Blade?" he's zoning out. Bad. He is supposed to keep himself in check, because most people are capable of dying and he is a remarkably well-working death machine.

"I will say this more clearly: if you keep reaching out to me, you will die."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

You don't stop because... actually why. Blade still doesn't get it. Blade doesn't speak up anymore, a sword in its sheath, but he thinks sometimes. Thinking is still a horrible pastime activity. But he does wonder about what it would have felt like to have met you earlier, when there was some feeling left in him.

He wonders if you bandaging a wound of his would make him feel safe. He wonders if the snacks you buy on the planets you visit would make him feel sated. He wonders if after a long day, sleeping next to each other would make him feel truly content.

Dangerous thoughts, yet strangely warm, like candlelight.

You plop on the bed of a dingy hotel room you two are staying at. Blade cares little about the quality of the establishment, but he does care about security, and keeping on the down low is of the essence. He stores his sword next to his side of the bed, to draw if a fight occurs.

He doesn't sleep anyway, simply lies in a dreamless haze, so nothing would catch him off-guard.

"Room's tiny. Bed's hard as a rock, too," you make small talk, untying the laces of your boots.

"Mhm," Blade hums. He thinks that there were free rooms in the hotel. With two beds in each, no less. He doesn't bring this up because it's safer to stay close together and that's the only reason.

"And it's cold."

"Mhm," he hums again. He doesn't feel much in terms of warmth or coldness.

You lie back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as he checks for emergency exit pathways and makes notes of useful items.

"Sometimes I wish there were no anomalies or Stellarons out there. Then we wouldn't have large bounties on our heads and we'd be able to afford all the good hotels."

"We wouldn't have met then. And this room is sufficient."

Blade says sufficient, but for the last while, he found sufficient lacking. He wanted good things, despite being undeserving, and it hurt, too, because he knew all too well what happened to the good things in his life.

He lies down next to you, six inches, seven hundred years and a universe apart.

"Would we? I'd still have found you, I feel like."

It feels weird to hear this. He remembers how you once got hurt because you tried to block a hit meant for him. It was a long time ago, before that could hurt. It wasn't anything serious, but now, guilt eats at him each time he notices the faint scar on your shoulder. He drifts his gaze left, and there it is, a reminder.

And he also sees that you're cold.

What comes next is a whim and Blade never acts on whims. But he turns on the bed and drags you into an embrace.

"You wouldn't have liked what you've found."

Because then he'd be a mara-struck abomination, immortal mess of ginkgo leaves and dripping bile and the same names roared so much that no one would hear what he says. He still is like that, just somewhat grounded.

"You always decide for me. But isn't it up to me to weigh my choices, Blade?"

No, he wants to say, it's not. He's been mortal and stupid before, and that was his mistake. For that, he must pay a price. He doesn't want you to be hurt that way because you, unlike him, don't deserve this.

But he says none of it, as you raise your hand and touch his cheek and it's warm and it hurts—

His voice breaks, in both anger and fear, "I don't want you fixing me. I know you want to pick up the shards and glue them together. But you will regret that wish."

He isn't Yingxing and he won't be Yingxing ever again. What was him died on the Xianzhou Luofu, and it died again and again and again until what was left couldn't recall the deaths any longer. Then, a mess of shards, an empty husk, he was Blade, and he couldn't ever go back.

You smile gently at him.

"I know. If you ever decide to piece the shards together, it should be your choice and not mine, and I have no deal interfering with that. But still, I want to see all of you, Blade. Broken or not."

It's scary because admitting that he wants you to see him too would mean accepting that it won't change a thing. The script is merciless and uncaring. Even if he allows himself to love you, he is already destined to die as part of the performance. It's scary because it changes everything. It's scary because it changes nothing.

He shifts on the bed, so that you're face to face.

"May I kiss you?"

You close the distance first, as you always do, and he, for the first time in seven hundred years, feels seen.

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 2, Match 5 I LOVE YOU vs. CAT

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for I LOVE YOU:

mappi’s spitting bars 🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️

ok but i, as the iloveyoucountdown person before it released, waited 89 days for ily and SHE DID NOT DISAPPOINT‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥 go vote ily now bc its peak music

---

the acoustic section where it just feels so raw and emotional it's crazy also we love to see mappi/miho okasaki rapping again and good lord mahiru delivered hadauwd, like you think about it a lot? like "Ishokujuu plus ai Miss you Raishuu aemasuka no Cadence Yurusarenai ikigai mou iki mo dekinai" it's also so catchy just "Dai- dai- dai- datte suki suki! Dai- dai- dai- datte daisuki."

it's such a quick song but it delivers and it DELIVERS WELL there's so much in the instrumental you can also miss, like sirens and such! again guitar section it's crazy!! i didn't even touch on the visuals, like the visuals are absolutely amazing and really touch on the toxic cycle of mahiru's relationship for example, the carousel turning into a forest! and also they were still able to implement some of tihtbilwy in the beginning of the song! we got to see mahiru's boyfriend as well!! additionally, RATS AND CAKE. HOLY SHIT we all know the absolute shock that appeared on everyone's faces the second that cake turned into a rat (to be honest, I was absolutely sick with shock for the rest of the day) It's really amazing as a song and MV, plus it did help give some more information on Mahiru!

---

miho okasaki's vocals are so powerful. it sounds like mahiru is screaming because of not being forgiven and because of what happened to her boyfriend and because "she can't just do it right".

THE LYRICS ARE SO. "clothes food shelter + love and miss you"?? "my lethal weapon is how to be in love with you"?? "kiss goodbye to this feeling cuz it's too heavy"?? again, the "why can't i just do it right" line?? SO GOOD.

MAHIRU RAPPING. THIS SONG STARTS WITH HER RAPPING. LITERAL CHILLS

i've heard the i love you chorus once and now it's in my head forever. i wake up, i sing the i love you chorus. i go to sleep, i sing the i love you chorus.

the lyrics are so sad when you start thinking about them more. "saying i love you but doing what i did, i know i have no right, crossed and covered in sin"?? please, don't you want to give mappi a hug. please she deserves it. she needs it

the "DIE-suki" pun.

the mv is so. i can talk about it for hours. it literally starts with showing us what happened to her bf. i've watched it live, i knew about this part and i still was shocked. mahiru's boyfriend is dead. mahiru is also rapping. also, the lyrics. this scene is terrifying to me and i mean it in the best way possible.

the cake symbolism. mahiru refusing to accept her reality and the true nature of her relationship with her bf and still seeing everything around her as cute and soft and pink. her feeling guilty and not knowing how to express love properly and still choosing to continue to love in this way. i don't know, something about it is so.. it's so sad and so realistic and so heartbreaking

i love how we can say so much about her relationship with her boyfriend based on mv and the lyrics. this is more of a theory and i probably shouldn't talk about it but i like the fact that mappi and her bf's relationship wasn't just abusive or one-sided love or anything like that. it's like they loved each other, they just.. didn't know how to show it or express it in a healthy way (or maybe mahiru's bf did know, but he was okay with going through all of this for her). like this scene when they're both riding the carousel and looking happy at first and even when both of them look like a mess, mahiru's face expression is still pretty much the same while her boyfriend looks much more tired, but he's still smiling. something about that part breaks me.

the instrumental is so fun and chaotic and creepy please listen to it. all milgram instrumentals are great but ily instrumental is definitely one of my fav ones.

Propaganda for CAT:

"You like jazz? Jazz is chaos within order. Got to love the whole band. Vibraphone, saxophone, trumpet, flute, piano, guitar, drums, bass… Go, rhythm section, go! The song sounds tender at times and aggressive at others as different instruments pop up at different times. Sometimes they follow Kazui’s voice (“follow the king of the masquerade”). Sometimes they get to be the focus. You have the chill piano one moment and the screaming guitar in the next.

You’ve got a lovely “jingle” (“Lie until it gets better…”) which occurs at the beginning, middle, and end. It fits the “newspaper ad” style of the video really well. Also at the very end, there’s one more line that gives the jingle an upward contour, giving a sense of finality. “Until you can meet the king of the masquerade.” You’re there now.

The two verses start off differently before they take on a similar melody. It feels like Kazui is talking to a different person in each verse.

The chorus is a beautiful façade the first time and a sinister truth the second time.

The opening for solos shows that this jazz song means business. I love how the saxophone and trumpet especially get in your face. And with the tacet on vocals, the walking bass really shines if you lend it your ear.

And the smoke break! Silence is golden. Glass click. Lighter. Huff.

As always, Kazui’s voice is super deep. He hits even lower notes this time around. He’s a fifth lower than the next lowest singers (Haruka and Shidou)."

---

-Great instrumental choice. Kazui and jazz is *chefs kiss*

-Symbolism. THE SYMBOLISM. I can’t type out all my thoughts but ifykyk

-The almost comic like style of the MV is really appealing.

-Lyrics!! There is so much to unpack but it’s really cool.

-Kazui eating the dove… fricken iconic.

---

FIRST OF ALL the vocals????? BEAUTIFUL. His va put his whole pussy into this song and you can tell!! The way he sings the chorus is so damn addicting I'm so in love with him. His voice is more or less stable throughout the entire thing until the final chorus but you can hear the emotion peaking out which fits perfectly with Kazui keeping everything hidden. The way his voice turns into a sort of whisper during "all the things I wanna do that I can't say outloud"??? The way his voice starts trembling during "this feeling it's yearning to be satisfied"???? The way his voice turns into a sort of whisper AND starts trembling during "hey, if I said I liked-liked you, what would you?"?????? HEAVENLY! You can really feel how afraid Kazui is under his disguise and my heart breaks a little everytime I listen. Not to mention how absolutely powerful his voice gets at the climax!!!!!! It's insane!!!!!!! It's genius!!!!!! It makes me wild makes me crazy makes me eat my walls!!!!!!!!!!

THE SMOKE BREAK?????? What other song has something as powerful as that huh???? This isn't just a song produced by the milgram machine using his memories, this is HIS song and he is OWNING IT! The music builds up so much and gets so intense right before it, I can literally feel myself get tense and starting holding my breath right before he takes the break and everything relaxs… it's not just a break for him, but a break for the viewer. The song is spiralling out of control just like his life and his lies and he has no choice but to put it to a quick stop before its too much to handle.

THE IMAGERY IS WILD!!!!! He's a magician!!! Little magic guy!!!! Using tricks and lies to amaze and captivate the people around him! Trying desperately to magic his own feelings into something else! But it's all fake! It's all tricks and no matter how hard he tries he can never actually change himself into what he wants! But he's trying to convince himself the same way he's convinced his audience!! And when you're watching a magic act, are you there for the magician themself or are you there to watch the show?? The people in his life only cared for him when he performed for them, but they didn't give a drop of love to who he was a person! ALSO the transformation of the wedding ring to a cigarette to the dove at the end??? Makes me wild every single time! Right infront of his wife, he showed her that their marriage was something unhealthy for him that was slowly killing him from the inside. AND THEN he uses it to harm himself???? And then he turns that cigarette into a dove- a representation of love and literally TEARS INTO IT. He tears his marriage apart with his mouth!!! AKA HIS WORDS. makes me wild. Also fun fact Kazui says he started smoking because when he was younger it was "just natural for everyone to smoke" and that lines up with his reasons for marriage perfectly.

Kazui looks really hot in it. You should vote for Cat because Kazui is insanely attractive. What other reason do you need huh? Hot gay middle aged man.

[day-drawn-blog]

Part V: I feel your heart beat in my soul, our futures bound, our bodies known. - I want to live

Pairing: Astarion x Reader -- This is set in Act I

This is part 5. The rest are linked below.

Tags: angst, fluff, eventually smut because I do love that

Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon

Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight

Part III : maybe tonight I'll rest in peace

Part IV: There is more to do and I still want to live

Part VI: These ain't my sins, I broke my chains

Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours?

Part VIII: Your blood like wine, I wanted in.

Part IX: I'll welcome my sentence and give you my penance

Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die

_____

The day after, you all wandered through the mountain road. You were feeling better. Halsin had ensured you were healing. So did Shadowheart. Laezel looked at you with pride in her eyes. You walked slower than the others. Supported by karlach sometimes. Sometimes Shadowheart. Sometimes carried by karlach. 

Astarion would turn to look at you every now and then. You would look away if he did. It made you blush. 

Did he really tell you those things?

You wanted to talk to him about last night. But there had been no opportunity yet. Everyone was wary. Everyone was tired. everyone was covered in dust and blood. Yesterday had taken a lot out of all of you. You all prayed for a safe journey and looked forward to setting camp. It felt like you had been walking for an eternity. 

So when you found a place at sunset next to a pool of water, everyone was collectively overjoyed. Not only could you all rest, you could all finally feel clean. Karlach and Wyll volunteered to clean everyone's clothes, you were all very grateful. Karlach said she he can dry them real fast. You were curious.

You were looking forward to getting into water.

At nightfall. Laezel dragged you to the pool. Halsin was already there. Everyone had stripped down to minimum inner wear. So you did too. Embarrassing at first but quickly you went in and all was okay. Laezel was very close to you. Lately she has been. It was both flattering and intimidating. But you didn't mind. You liked being liked. Maybe everyone was warming up to you. You enjoyed the feeling. 

Shadowheart appeared with Astarion. 

She was always beautiful. She looked like a goddess right now. Her long dark hair emphasized by her pale bare skin even more. Her body was immaculate. So was yours, you knew. You were all warriors after all. But something about being wanted, made her more attractive you thought. She was confident. She did not yearn. She had it.

Astarion got into the water as well. 

He went to the other side - a little away from you. To join Halsin. Gale joined them too. Shadowheart came next to you and La'ezhel and smiled. "I'm slightly afraid of water. Did you know". Her voice was so melodious. You thought. No wonder she is loved so much.

"Then shouldn't you not be here. I mean, what if you drowned?" Laezel joked or maybe not. You could never tell. "Oh come now. Waist deep water doesn't scare me". Everyone chuckled at the banter. 

You stole a glance at Astarion. 

He was looking at her, smiling, as if proud that she got in the water. Your mistake. What did you expect. Just like any of the other countless times. The only difference was that shadowheart was on your side of the party. She had her arms around you. Maybe they all, got worried yesterday. You appreciated the loving gesture. You felt included and wanted. 

You decided to be kind to her too. 

You would not take away, that which belonged to her. That would be cruel. She was your friend. And ally. And like the others on this journey to salvation, needed your help too. And so you would not turn your back to her. No matter how much it hurt. And it did. It hurt just thinking about it. Familiar pangs. Sharp. Cutting. 

You didn't realize how sad you looked right then. But Astarion did. And he frowned. 

Soon after, among the chatter, you decided it was time to leave. You needed rest. Your aching body was catching up. You expressed that, and got up to leave. Halsin called you out. "let me put the medicine on your wounds before you sleep. Let's get Karlach." You turned to look at him and noticed Astarion looking at you. What was that stare? It was not nonchalant. Searching... fixating.

Odd. 

You suddenly felt acutely aware of how little you were wearing. You felt really vulnerable, and you hurried away. To get Karlach. 

Back in your tent, after Halsin and Karlach had gone, you were finally able to take off your wet clothes. You decided it was a warm enough night to sleep with no clothes under the covers. So you did. 

No one in camp went in anyone's tents without knocking first so you were certain you could get away with such wanton abandon for one night. You could still feel the tingling from the cool waters. You were almost asleep. 

"I got your dry clothes karlach sent" 

Astarion came traipsing in carrying warm dry clothes that karlach had tasked him to take to you. You jolted up. You grabbed the covers and clutched them hard around you. How could you forget?! This guy comes and goes to your tent as he pleases. And that's your own doing! 

"Could - could you give me a moment!!"

He stopped, stared, shocked, blushed and turned around. "Oh yes! Terribly sorry! My apologies. That was very impolite of me" he stood with his back to you "where do you want these?" You gestured to next to him, he placed them down still looking away. You pulled the covers all around. 

"My apologies, again. I will see you later".

"Wait" 

"Hmm?"

"Last night... You said .... " 

He turned to look you in your eyes. Very solemn. You couldn't understand his piercing unwavering gaze. 

"I will.... I promise" 

"Are you really... That grateful to me ...?" 

"More than grateful." His voice was low. 

"You don't need to be. I... don't expect anything in return. I do it because I want to help, you. Everyone". 

"And I want is to repay your kindness." 

You looked down. And smiled a little. It was just that. You helped him. He returned the favor. It was sweet. You should be happy with this. Very happy. This is what you wanted after all. To be needed. To save someone. To help. 

There was silence. 

He approached. "How do you feel, today?" And he took your hand in both of his and kissed it. The way he usually does. A reminder. Of your unspoken contract. You thought. 

"Almost as good as new". 

He was waiting. You knew. You sat down. To get comfortable. He sat in front at the foot of your bed. He kissed your hand again as if he was impatient. Then he kissed the palm of your hand and looked at you. Straight in your eyes, with his lips on your palm. He will not wait anymore you thought. His stare was somewhat threatening. Or maybe you were timid. When he was concerned. 

You decided to tease him. 

You said nothing. He kissed a fingertip of yours and you bit your lip. Enough. You could feel yourself tense up. Down there. Throbbing and pulsating. Curse him. He is truly the devil. But you persevered. You wanted to test yourself. 

When it failed to get the permission he wanted, he decided to make a move. 

He leaned forward and moved closer to you. You were so startled you fell backwards. Down on your bed, propped up by your elbows. He put one arm next to your head and pinned you down while looking down at you. You stared at his beautiful face, blankly.

What is happening?

"You know", he smiled, seductively, "if you keep teasing me like this, I might want.... more ...". He said the last word very softly. But it rang through your body. You felt a pulsation. Another throb. You stared at him in your shock and surprise. Unsure what to do. This was not your plan. Who is this man.

Is this what he does to Shadowheart at night? 

"More?!" Your desire to play the game had heightened. 

He smiled again - a beautiful smile, charming and happy. 

"Why yes, darling. I'm talking about that lovely neck of yours, of course". 

What?! 

All this time, all he wanted...was to bite your neck?! Your neck.... His lips would be ....to your neck...you would feel...his face, next to yours.... It was very... frighteningly.....tempting....

What happened to your aversion of being bit in the neck? Why do you crave it now? What has this man done to you? Robbed you of yourself and your reason it seems. 

You stared at him in disbelief. 

"May I"? 

"I promise to be gentle. I promise....it will feel good." 

For you!!! You thought. What?!

But you were losing yourself in the honey from his words. He is too close. Breathing on you. You could smell him. Feel him. He was slowly getting closer and and closer. You may be getting used, but perhaps you may get something out of this after all! You bargained.

The opportunity to touch him. 

You could touch his hair, his face, maybe even his back.... You felt lust overtake every part of your body as you closed your eyes and looked away, exposing your lovely neck to him. Praying he wouldn't hurt you. 

He lowered himself. One leg between yours. His face fit closer to yours. And you felt his warm breath on your skin. The anticipation was painful. He touched your skin with his lips. You sucked in air and gasped. He kissed your neck lightly like he would your hand. Shivers ran down you. Was this really happening? Your pulse quickened. You were throbbing.

He kissed it a few more times. Soft, gentle, as if savoring it. You bit your lips to stop yourselves from moaning. Why is he doing this? You clutched the bed and the covers tight. You had stopped breathing.

Then he gently pierced his fangs in you. Very slowly. And settled in. You moaned. You knew it no longer matted - he would not notice anymore. Bliss. Because you could now let go of the covers. You grabbed him with both hands. Clutching the shirt on his back.

Fair exchange. You thought.

As he drained you, you let you several breathy quiet moans. And you arched your back. You so wished to be touched. But you knew, he was not making love to you. 

You lifted your leg at one point. And realized, as it grazed him. He was, very hard. He was a man after all, and this was very intimate. Or maybe, feeding made him so happy. You didn't care... your brain was fuzzy. It was pleasurable. You couldn't believe that it was him you were sharing such a pleasure with. You wished this would last a bit though not much because you did love your body. 

Eventually you tugged his hair sharply. And he finally stopped. He let out a sharp gasp of air. Then proceeded to lick the wound. Like he always did. It was not helping. Several times, your throbbing self, your leg brushed past he hard self. It only made you want him more. You tugged at his shirt with both your hands now. He kept kissing. 

His kisses got wetter, louder, till he was obviously just a man savoring his lover and no longer a vampire savoring his prey. He kissed and licked under your ears. Then kissed your ears. Too much. Too close. His face was too close. He kissed your cheek. And licked it once.

Stop. What are you doing. 

But he didn't. He held your face and licked the other side. Kissed your other cheek. It was as if he was so euphoric he had lost control. You moaned louder and louder. Stop. You begged him mentally.

But also, not to.

He continued to kiss your other neck, and ear, down to your collarbone now. And came back up to your chin. Your head was tilted all the way back. You dared not open your eyes lest you lose control too. You were in his complete embrace at this point.

But then, he finally did stop. 

He paused and looked at you. Searching for something in your eyes. You looked at him then his lips. Then his eyes again. He was so close. His nose was almost touching yours. You must be going crazy. You didn't want him to leave yet. And he was right there. You had to. You just did. 

You reached up and kissed him. 

Surprised at first, he kissed you back. Hard. Your head was back in the pillow. He took charge. Moved your hands away and dragged your cover away. Your nipples were probably very hard and visible you thought.

He paused. As if something had just brought him back to reality. He then looked at you. your uncovered half, your nipples. He looked at your naked half body for a second. Then sat back up. Covered his face in his hands for a few moments. Then he got up and ran out. 

Part VI: These ain't my sins, I broke my chains

[eydi-andrius]

Don't Get Sad, Get Even V

warnings: mention of injuries, threats, tags were not exhausted

aemond targaryen x wife!reader

summary: You and your House Dressed Up for Revenge.

a/n: thank you for the long wait. it took time for me to write this down. i had to cut the chapters into two, and this one will be the first part. i hope to finish this fic this march. thanks for reading!

Kindly reblog your comments if you can to help me share my stories to others. i appreciate every likes but i also do want more readers to read my works.

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Epilogue

+++++++++++++

Cold, glassy eyes stare at you whenever your mind is not occupied. It bothers your sleep and you know you’re pale as a ghost as the days pass by without news about the dissolution of your marriage. 

Meanwhile, worry etched on your servants faces the more they looked at you but you dismissed them and told them you were fine. And it was truly not that bad. Your pale face walking around the hallways gave you more power and pity to the servants. While the highborn lies to your face about feeling sorry for you but were waiting for the right moment to bite unto Aemond once your marriage was done. Not that you mind. The more he loses his power to you, the better.

And the living was the least of your concern whenever you see Alys staring in the corner of your room while you work. You see her green lifeless eyes staring into your soul. 

The problem doesn't lie to you seeing her. No. It was the truth that you can't tell. 

After what happened, the days seem to go on with normalcy. And you knew, they have hidden her death more than they had hidden his assault towards you. 

You would lie if you said it didn't kill you each night knowing that they were capable of hiding his murder, his sin. 

Then there came a news that Alys was sent back to Harrenhal as she requested to give birth there. 

No one questioned it, some tried to get a reaction from you but you were occupied in making sure that once you go back to your home, everything will be set. 

Your father will step down as the lord and it will be passed down to you. A plan that was strategized before he went back home. 

However, you need to plan ahead. You know you can't be unwed for too long. You only have one moon to make sure the power will be given to you, no questions. And find another suitable suitor as a husband. 

Someone who is capable but dependent. Or else what happened with your marriage will happen again. 

You were left in your own thoughts as you handled the parchments for the businesses and merchants who wanted access on the road with lesser taxes. And you can't help the disgust that you felt when one of them was a noble who was rich enough to let his children inherit all of his riches yet wanted the poor to handle the responsibility more than them. 

He even proposes that you marry one of his children who were notorious for abusing his wives and mistresses. The disrespect to offer marriage when the finality of the dissolution was not yet revealed. And the idea that you deserve just that because they think you will be lower now that you have been married once. 

Fools. 

Then an idea popped up inside your head to make this lord suffer. You immediately took your quill and wrote down a letter, when your door burst open with your Lady Knight breathing heavily and bathed in her own sweat. 

"My lady! It's here!" She raised the parchment on her hand and you stood up. 

You stride towards her, heart beating from anxiousness.

What if the same with Alys death, they'll be able to stop your marriage from ending. You know if that happens, your death will follow suit. 

With shaky hands, you rolled open the paper and your legs wobbled from what was written there. 

"My lady!" Your knight yelled out and immediately went to your aid. 

Tears slowly roll down your eyes as you continue reading the parchment. 

"My lady, please. I know it will be fine. We'll be here no matter what the decision was." Strained smile was plastered on her face as your lady knight reassured you. Giving you comfort as she realized that the written letter must have been the opposite of what you were expecting. 

Instead of telling her, you gave it to her so she can prepare by herself. 

You watched as her eyes followed the ink and saw her eyes slowly widening. She breathed deeply and looked at you. 

A yelp came out of your mouth when she suddenly let go of the paper and hugged you tightly. 

"I'm glad, my lady! You're finally going home!" She places her head on your shoulder and you feel her tears touch your skin.

Relieved, you hugged her back and cried with her the whole time.

You did not know how long you two have cried but once you let go of each other, Rikka came in with a confused look at first when she saw the two of you but then your knight nodded at her. 

You don't even need to tell her about it, she knew and she almost flew towards you and wrapped you with her arms. 

"Oh gods! I am so glad!" She squealed with delight. She immediately let go of you and stared at your tear stricken face again. 

"I believed that was not the real face of a woman who was able to outwit her husband. Come on! We must fix you! She told you as she practically dragged you out of your office and towards your room. 

Once seated in front of the vanity, you signaled for her to stop. 

"Give me the simplest dress you can find and make sure to style my hair as plain as you can." You ordered her as an idea struck you. 

She smiled at you and went to go do her duty. 

You looked at yourself and smiled at the tear stricken face staring back at you. A lady who had conquered a dragon and won.

You were not able to ruminate about your thoughts when your door flung open and a disheveled Alicient came into your view. 

"My daughter!" A gasp left your lips when you felt her warm arms wrapped you into a hug. You were a bit surprised about it at first but hugged her back when you realized what was happening.

"So you've found out?" You asked. 

"I did. The raven was sent to the King's Hand and I was with him when he received it." She shared as she looked at your face and wiped the remaining tears. 

"Hmmm." Was your only response as she looked you in the eye and sighs. 

"It must have been tough all those years. I came here not to antagonize you further but to thank you for being the best daughter in law I would have in this lifetime. Know that even after this, you are still like a daughter of mine." A tear was able to escape her eyes and you watched as her face was etched with sadness. You can feel how sincere she was and you decided to clasped your hands with hers, reassuring her that you did not blame her for whatever happened with you and her son. 

"And you are like a mother of mine too. I am grateful to be part of your family, even for a short period of time." You said with a smile at her. 

More tears fell down on her face and you can't help the sad smile you gave her as your hold tightens. 

"I know….. this must be selfish of me to ask….especially on how the treatment towards you will change after the dissolution was announced but may I request for you to stay until the tourney ends?" By this time, she removed your hold to her hands and she instead held yours. Her eyes twinkled with hope and you know deep within you that you can't say no to that. She had taken care of you and this wasn't much of a big deal if you stay longer as per her request. 

With a nod, you agreed and she gave you the brightest of smiles you ever saw her wear. And by that time you know you did the right thing. 

At least that's what you have thought until the announcement of the dissolution of your marriage. The nobles were not even subtle when they isolated you right away. Everyone stares at you and whispers whenever you are around. It was to be expected but you took it too lightly that you forgot how annoying it could be. 

A deep sigh of relief left you when you finally arrived at your destination. You have been ignoring this place to lessen the whispers you will hear but visiting here was the only wise decision you ever had as the garden that was gifted to you and your husband was ignored by everyone on the Red Keep like a plague. 

"Please leave me be." You asked Lady Godwin when she was about to follow you at the center of the garden. 

"But my lady-" She protested but you shook your head. 

"I do want you to stay here at the entrance and leave me be. I will stay right there so you can see me even from afar." You reassured her and she frowned for a bit but then fixed herself and stood at the entrance. 

You gave her a smile, grateful, and you walked towards the flowers. You bit your lip and sighed once you were far away enough from her. Since what happened and the changes at the treatment of the court, your knight never left your side, not even for a moment.

Something you were grateful about but it slowly suffocates you as her presence adds to the tension you face everyday when you decided to stay for the Queen as she pleaded. 

A smile graced upon your lips when you came closer to the red Braavosi flower that was able to live here in the Red Keep even though it shouldn't have. It was just one flower planted in here but somehow it grew and has its own bushes now. A beautiful flower that symbolizes versatility. You're glad it was planted here. 

A rustle on your left made you step back from where you were standing. You frown when a man emerges from a turn that will lead to the center of the garden. The mysterious man was average in height compared to Aemond and he was shaking his head to remove the fallen leaves. From the way he moves his head, you were not able to recognize him but when he moved his arms on the side, his sigil revealed who he was. A flock of ravens surrounding a black shield charged with a dead weirwood, on a scarlet field; a Blackwood. 

When the man looked up, he almost stumbled backwards when he saw you staring at him. Meanwhile, even from afar, your lady knight was holding the hilt of her sword. 

"My lady!" With visible shame, he immediately bowed in front of you.

Willem Blackwood. The first person that came into your mind once you caught a glimpse of his face. They must have traveled early so they'll be able to attend and join the tourney and not just the feast.

You gave him a wry smile when he looked up again. His face was a bit red and his whole stance was screaming uncertainty and shame. 

"Apologies, my lady. I didn't mean to bother you from your stroll. I was walking around when I found myself lost in the field-". He was speaking fast trying to explain himself but you quieted his ramblings right away when you realized what must have happened. 

"I understand." 

"I'm glad you do, my lady." He replied with a look of relief washing over him. 

"No one in the Red Keep will be brave enough to visit here intentionally anyway. As this whole garden was a gift for me and my former husband by the King itself." You straightened and walked towards the closest flower. In the corner of your eye, you can see that his body went rigid. And the tension was back on him again. 

"I truly deeply apologize, my lady. If I had known, I would have been more careful walking around.-" 

"You should be. Vhagar is uncaged." You cut him off again and you noticed how he gulped when you mentioned and threatened him with the obvious dangers around that will bite him from his carelessness. 

You looked over Lady Godwin and nodded at her that everything was well. She nodded back and stood on her post. 

"So Lord Willem Blackwood, you must have arrived early to join the tourney noh?" You asked as you turned at him. 

His surprise face was apparent when you mentioned his name. Being a former wife of a prince and an heir, memorizing every important face in the realm was the simplest task you could do even while sleeping. Knowing their names, faces and houses was a power on itself.

"You knew me." He asked. A smile was plastered on his face for a second but was gone after he coughed and composed himself.

"You must be the one-eyed prince's wife. I mean — former wife." He said, certain of who you were. 

All the light was gone on your face when he mentioned your current status in King's Landing. A little more days to endure being called this way but this is getting old. 

Seeing how your face changed, he immediately spoke again and explained himself. 

"I didn't mean to offend you, my lady—". You looked him in the eye when he referred to you using your house's name. His face looks brighter now. As if something good happened to him while conversing with you. 

"Ah here! As an apology for that embarrassing display of my foolishness." He took something out of his pocket and seeing the blue petals of the flower you knew that he truly meant to apologize.

"That flower cannot thrive in our place, no matter how hard our family tries to grow one. I thought I'll bring it back home and dry it but I think your beauty deserves to hold such a precious flower." His whole demeanor changes. His timid action before was completely changed once he called you on your house's name. Your true identity. He offers the flower again when you stare at it. With no choice left, you accepted it. 

The smile that graced upon his face was something you're not familiar with. Usually, the twins or Helaena were the only ones who wore this, a pure and genuine toothed grin.

It did not take long for him to converse though, after sometime he excused himself as his family might have been looking for him now. But before he left, he confirmed if you will watch the tourney. When you said yes, he wasn't able to contain his happiness as he walked away with spring in his step.

"Your beauty truly knows no bounds, my lady." Lady Godwin teased you as you walked past her, intent on going back inside when the sun started setting down. 

"I was expecting this teasing from Rikka, not you." You said with an apathetic face. 

"Haha! Apologies, my lady. I can't help but wonder though. He seems familiar with you. Have you met him before?" 

He does, isn't he? 

However, before you can respond as you two take a turn to the castle, you've heard a familiar voice spoken to your right. 

"Smart girl." You turn towards the source of the voice and you can't help but blink from confusion as to why he was here. 

"My prince." You called him. His short silver hair was tied back as he leaned against the wall. His feet crossed at each other and his lilac eyes were looking at his ring before he looked up at you. He was wearing a black leather clothing, his sword, dark sister, strapped to his side. 

He raised his eyebrow and looked to your side. Your lip turned into a thin line as you understood what he meant. 

"Leave us be." Even though you hesitate to let your knight away from you, one look from Daemon sends shivers down your spine. He usually just ignores you as you were the wife of his nephew, to whom he did not favor the most. 

Yet, he was standing here. As if waiting for you.

When your knight did not move or follow right away, you looked at her and nodded. With a frown, she bowed and turned walking away from the two of you. You did not miss the way she looked back though. 

"First in the history of the Targaryen that a wife was able to leave her husband while still alive." He continued and you looked at him straight in the eye. You don't know what he needs from you. Since you had been betrothed to Aemond, Prince Dameon and Princess Rhaenyra barely talked to you. Not that you did not expect it, but your father has supported Viserys and Aemma, even before they were crowned so it must have been a shock when his only daughter was married to the son who called her children bastards. 

"May I know how I owe this pleasure to converse with you, Prince Daemon." You kept your face as apathetic as you can. However, you cannot help but grip your dress on the side as you felt the fear when he looked back at you. 

"Maybe you had married the wrong Targaryen." He replied and all the alarms you felt before started ringing inside your head. Until, sounds of footsteps behind him echoed throughout the hallway. You looked up from its source and immediately bowed your head when you saw Princess Rhaenyra walking towards you. 

"My love, I do believe that the lady wasn't interested in marrying a child, the same as I do when I was young." She smiled at you and you masked the fear that surfaced before she came, with a chuckle.

"I'm glad that I am able to meet you today, your grace." You told her as you placed your hands together in front of you. 

"It has been a while, isn't it? You were just a young thing when I first saw you and now, you have become a fine lady." She gave you a soft smile. Something you did not expect since she did not take your marriage well after knowing that her strongest supporter decided to marry one of the greens. Yet, she's here. Eyes full of sincerity. 

She stared at you for a while before speaking again.

"I've heard about it…… How he attacked you and how the bruises started the rallies on our doors. At first, I never believed it. I trust the Queen, Alicient, to raise her children not to hurt their wives. But then I realized that it wasn't her fault. Children grow and they decide for themselves." She paused. Eyes strayed in the garden. She gave a deep sigh before she continued. 

"You might be wondering why I approached you. I…….I felt betrayed when your marriage to my brother was announced. It took too long for me to forgive your father until I realized I never really did offer Jace's hand for marriage to your family. You are his only heir. As a father, he cares for you more than his allegiances to anyone. Something I…..I always wish my father would do for me when he announced me as his heir." A sad smile graced upon her lips as she looked back at you. You can't help but feel her sadness as you recalled how she was left to defend for herself when his father's lack of support made a fool out of his daughter. 

"I want what is best for everyone. I hope that the wall that separates us two will be forgotten. I know that you've suffered and I did not lend a hand but this is a start for something new. I offer my hand again and I will help you with your ambition this time. This is a promise between a daughter to a daughter. An heir to an heir." She squeezed your hands one last time before she bid farewell. Daemon's eyes linger for a while before he decides to follow Rhaenyra away from you.

The smile that graced your lips was gone the moment you confirmed that they were far away now to see your reaction. 

War is sure to happen once the king dies. More reason to strengthen your stronghold once the dragons decide to breathe their fire against each other. 

And this time, your house will not be a pawn or an ally. You'll take everything that you can get from them. They owe you and your father.

It took time for the plan to be put in place. And no amount of forgiveness can stop it from happening. 

Dragons have no interest in an iron throne nor politics. Yet, they depended their power too much on those beasts. Starting their own ruin.

How foolish. 

Everyone knows that swords melt when under fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your shoes loudly clack on the floor as you do your best to run as fast as you can to the seats near the arena. 

The nobles stared at you as you sat down beside your father with no grace, breathing heavily.

"Where have you been?" He calmly asked as he stared at your sweat ridden face. He gave you his handkerchief and you accepted it with a thank you.

"The twins wouldn't let me go. They keep on following me towards the arena so I have to secretly go here or carry them back towards their quarters. It was hard to win a battle against them. I feel like I was competing with our very own game of chase." You said as you carefully dabbed the soft cloth on your face. Instead of saying anything, he gave a low chuckle and shook his head.

"Children do grow so fast and they will outwit you many times. However, I told you to remove yourself from them. You are nothing but a stranger to them now. It is best to care less and move forward."

"I know." With a defeated sigh you replied and looked around. The crowd's excited chatter and howls caught your attention. They seem enthusiastic about whatever that happened in the game. Curious, you turn your question towards your father.

"What did I miss?" 

"You miss a lot……" He replied with a knowing grin plastered on his face. You frowned at that but still waited for him to continue.

"Your former husband joined the tourney today. Surprising isn't it?" He looked at the far side of the corner and in there you saw his familiar stance. His silver hair glints with the sunlight. He wore no helmet and eye patch, showing his familiar sapphire eye. He intends to intimidate more than he normally does. And you know that Aemond is a prince who was pitied by others but they choose not to cross his path for this very reason. He is calm, way too calm but you can feel the rage within. Or maybe it was because of the moons you've shared knowing each other, that's why you know by looking at him what he was feeling within. You wonder to whom this anger started though.

Aemond never participates in tourneys. He thinks of it as a waste of time. And you can't lie that you weren't surprised when your father mentioned him being part of this useless game, he used to claim.

"Who is he fighting against this round?" You tilted your head to the side and tried to find the unfortunate knight he would defeat and humiliate in front of this audience. 

Your eyes rounded with surprise as you saw Willem on the other side. You saw him gulp before he wore his helmet. His knight is talking to him, probably giving advice on how to defeat a brilliant prince with his sword. 

"Like what I've said, you missed a lot, my dear dove. This will be the last round. And I am surprised that Blackwood won. Perhaps inspiration keeps him going? Men love fighting for something other than the game" Your father asked curiously as he looked towards where Willem was standing.

As if sensing your stare, he suddenly looked behind and his eyes caught you. His former nervous stare and stance immediately changed and his demeanor much more enthusiastic. He smiled and waved at you.

In return, you gave a polite smile and nodded. You keep yourself from rolling your eyes when you feel your father's curious stare directed at you.

"Ah. I will not blame him." 

"Father!" You scolded him.

"I will also do my best to be noticed by the most beautiful lady residing in the Red Keep."

"You're just saying that because I am your daughter."

"I am saying this because I know. Do you know how many parchments I received after you announced the dissolution of your marriage?" He continued.

"We all know they want our land and power, not me." You replied with a serious voice despite the light air of teasing from your father.

"I am talking about your beauty not men's foolishness, my dear dove." You can't help the chuckle that left you when you hear your father's disappointed tone.

A sound of horn, signaling the start of the fight, stopped your little banter with your father. Booming cheers rang to the air as the last contenders' house names were announced. Especially when it was the prince's turn. The sound was deafening and even some of the nobles joined the shouts. Everyone seems so excited to finally see the elusive but known as gifted prince joining the tourney. Yet, you can't help but feel worried as to what was his reason to win this time.

The fight, if you can describe it in one word, was brutal. No, maybe the right word would be savage.

Willem had no chance with the prince's skills in the first place. It's true that he did slice his face but it was no match with Blackwood's injury. 

Aemond took his time by slicing him up. Wounding him slowly until he got the reaction he wanted and decided to break his enemy's balance by slicing his knee. Everyone saw it and was stunned for a second until the crowd roared, announcing his victory. And Willem stayed on the dusted floor of the arena as his people nursed him away and treated his wound immediately. 

With a gasp, you stood up and was ready to check on him when your name was called from below the seat. 

Your body went rigid, even the crowd stopped their shouts. All the noble's eyes directed at you. And everyone was waiting for your response. 

"Again, I ask for my former wife's favor. A parting gift after years of being married, don't you think?" With lips on a thin line, you walked slowly towards the band of flowers. You did your best to smile and not destroy what you're holding as you stepped forward and walked in front of where he was. He raised his sword and with a gritted smile, you bestowed him your favor. 

"May the gods favor you as a gift for your first victory in a tourney." You bend forward and gracefully let go of the flower and he catches it skillfully. You end the interaction with a smile and it is good that everyone seems to forget what happened as they continue to praise the one-eyed prince with his victory after the silent tension.

However, you will never forget the way his lilac and sapphire eye glints as his stare took longer than it should be. 

It was full of something, akin to an unknown promise.

But you still hope it was nothing but one last hopeless threat for the humiliation he went through.

One last farewell and you prayed that your paths will never cross again after this.

Except, when the greens decide to usurp the throne. You will be there and watch their ruin.

[felice-jaganshi]

My Fallen Apple

Lucifer X Reader

Chapter 8

Your back is pressed to someone's chest. It takes them speaking to realize who.

“You can't have her, Oz.” It was Lucifer!

 

“Oh? And why not big brother? She doesn't belong to anyone else, so why can't I offer her a night of fun and pleasure?” Asmodeus smiles sweetly, and Lucifer actually growled.

 

“Ozzie. You know why.” He sounded hurt and angry.

 

“Hm, but you still got that old ring round your finger. You're still waiting for Lily, aren't you? So why don't I take away your distraction?”

You feel Lucifer's arms tremble, before he lets go, and you feel your heart plummet. He's choosing her over you, isn't he?

 

He walks towards the water and you look over, just in time to see him take off the wedding ring slowly and hurl it off into the ocean full force! You gasp in shock! Hands covering your mouth, and your eyes go watery as he turns around and gives you a sad smile.

 

“You're right. She is a distraction, a distraction from all the pain I've been in waiting for someone who DOESNT EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE!” He yelled the last part as tears fell from his eyes like a river. The wall he had built up had finally collapsed. Bee ran to comfort him, only to be kept at bay when he held up a hand to stop her. He had more to say. “It's time I let go. Let go of the ghost of her love that's been haunting me, and move on into the future.” He walked towards you, and you held your breath. He stopped just a foot away from you, and took your hands, before kneeling before you, and kissing your palm before pressing it to his own cheek. He then looked up at you with a warm smile.

“Hey you… I think you're really cool, and I like you alot. Maybe we could go on a date sometime?” You mutely nod your head, before kneeling down to his level.

 

“Luci, I love you.” His face flushes from your sincere tone and he places a hand on your cheek.

“Jesus… I was trying to be cool so I wouldn't scare you off. Can… I kiss you? Please.” You lean forward and kiss him first. It starts soft and sweet, but next thing you know he's kissing you in a way that leaves you breathless and seeing stars!

You're broken apart by the Sins all cheering and catcalling you two, making you both flustered. You'd forgotten you weren't alone!

 

“Ahem..” Lucifer cleared his throat, looking away for a moment, before looking back with a sheepish smile and stars in his eyes, “I love you too, Becca.” 

 

“Alright, should we just leave you two alone to fuck on the beach?!” Mammon yelled obnoxiously. 

Ozzie groaned, “Nuh uh baby! I ain't letting that happen on my watch! Sure it sounds romantic but the sand gets fuckin’ everywhere you don't want it! You do Not want That for the memory of your first time!” 

Lucifer began laughing and you couldn't help but join in, it was contagious! He pulled you in for a hug, then laid back to stare at the sky.

 

“I'll give ya that one Ozzie! Besides, I'd rather whenever we do it, that she and I be the only ones who know when it happens.” Lucifer looked at your face and brushed your hair out of it. “Right, my little apple?”

 

“Little Apple?” You smile at the nickname. “I like that.”

 

“Good, because that's what you are now. My apple that fell just for me, right into my heart.” He then kissed your forehead. 

 

Fizz was back in Ozzie's arms, “Fuh-yew!” He dramatically wiped at his forehead, “I am sooo glad ours and Princess Charlie's plan worked! Hah! She really does know her father as well as you do, Ozzie!” Ozzie chuckled and laid down in the sand next to the two of you.

You and Lucifer both looked over in shock, Charlie helped with this?!

Bee and Tex laid down together too, and the others laid alone, everyone forming a circle with their heads all toward the center, all staring up at the stary hell sky together. 

 

“I love you guys…” Lucifer said next, “I mean it, you all… you're my family too, and I love all of you so much. I'm sorry I let myself get distant from you all, you didn't deserve that.”

 

Satan huffed, “Oh shut up, we know you love us. It was that dumb bitch you married that pushed us away from you, and you from us.” Lucifer frowned, readying a defense for Lilith, when Bee spoke next.

“Yeah, seriously! She was manipulating you, and the more we tried to get you away to see it, the more she separated us from you! It hurt so much being torn from our big brother…” She hugged Tex tighter, and he rubbed her back in soothing circles.

 

“Wait, really?!” He was shocked to hear this. “I… didn't notice. She made me think you all were annoyed with me.” He held you closer, seeking comfort. You nuzzle his chest and bring a hand up to play with his hair, soothing him. He sighed, “Well, she's gone. And Becca here actually likes me spending time with everyone.”

 

You all end up sleeping together under the stars.

 

In the morning, you all make breakfast together and just enjoy each other's company. Everything seems like it's going to be a good day.

Until you get cut by a shard of glass on the beach and cut your foot open. “Ow! Fucking bitch!” You fall on your ass and look at you foot, Lucifer and the others rush over to your side. “Ah, it's not that bad…” You pull the piece out of your foot and look over at Luci, “Hey, can you use some of that healing magic on me?” He smiles and gets right on it.

Then you notice the Sins are all looking at you in shock and horror. “Wh-whats wrong guys?” 

Lucifer freezes as you speak, “Oh… I… I forgot to tell them you're-”  

[creedslove]

HEARTLESS 💔 - PART THIRTEEN

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels) x f!reader

Summary: it's Wyatt's birthday and you and Jack are on your way to become a beautiful family

(This is the thirteenth chapter of my HEARTLESS 💔 series)

• PART ONE TO TWELVE ON MY MASTERLIST

Warnings: fluff, so much fluff, sexual tension, mentions of smut, angst and more fluff and some jealousy too

A/N: ay besties, I don't know what to tell you guys, I love our cowboy so much and he is trying so hard, and at the same time I'm so horny for him, but aren't we all? Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, there's enough fluff and some drama too ❤️

3.6k words

You had knocked on Jack's door three times already and he hadn't opened it. You could tell yourself it was just impatience as you really wanted to wake Wyatt up to wish him a happy birthday along with his daddy, now that three of you were an actual family - for the weekend at least, so you two could figure things out and see if you could give each other a real chance, giggling at the realization that yes, you probably would give each other a chance.

You knocked once more and there was still no sign of Jack and you rolled your eyes a little, as several scenarios ran through your mind: what if Jack was busy doing something? Maybe he was in a meeting with Statesman, or another agency like the Kingsman, or instead of working in the middle of the night, what if Jack was doing something else? Like maybe touching himself.

You felt a shiver down your spine to picture that scene, one you'd witnessed several times, the way Jack pumped his cock, how his heavy balls quivered whenever he was nearing his orgasm and how he just shot his thick load - very often on your face or directly into your mouth. At the sinful images you pictured in your mind, you felt a warm going down your core and pressed your legs together. All you needed to do was to get into his room and crawl into his bed, he often lay on his back, so you could surprise him by straddling and moving your hips softly against his until Jack opened his eyes and found you ready for his cock.

You immediately shook your head and snapped those thoughts away, you needed to focus, you had a family tradition to introduce to Jack, and yet, you were standing outside his door, having dirty thoughts about his body.

Your hand was tired of holding the small cake while you knocked with your free one, Helen's words echoing in your mind as she told you about the evening he'd washed down sleeping pills with whiskey and again the feeling of sadness hitting you. He wouldn't do that now that things were falling into place, would he? You really hoped he wouldn't, so without any more waiting, you opened the door to his room, as quiet as you could and placed the cake on the dressers, seeing how the cowboy slept peacefully in bed.

Funny how out of all the absurd thoughts that ran through your mind, not once you considered he could've just been sleeping.

You smiled at yourself, as you tiptoed around his bed, seeing Jack and Wyatt were so similar even when they both slept. Whiskey always looked a lot younger when he was asleep, perhaps it was how relaxed he got, without a care in the world, or maybe how messy his hair looked, giving him a boyish appearance.

"Jack?" You whispered, approaching the edge of the bed, wanting to wake him up without startling him. You didn't want him to go into his full secret agent mode, thinking you were an intruder. Technically you were intruding his bedroom, but you figured he wouldn't actually complain about that.

"Jack?" You asked again, your hand touching his face gently, he was so warm you could just lie right next to him there and go back to sleep without trying too hard.

About the third time you called his name, Whiskey finally opened his eyes, startled as he immediately sat up and watched around the room, looking for some imminent danger or threat; and then his eyes fell on you. At first he thought he was dreaming, why were you in his room? And wearing that goddamn beautiful nightgown. Jack was a classic man, he enjoyed women who wore nightgowns because not many of them were able to look beautiful, elegant and painfully sexy in those, but you checked all the boxes. You would be the death of him, especially with those beautiful eyes, staring into his own in the puzzling silence you two shared. He didn't hesitate before wrapping his hands around your waist, pulling you to him and kissing your lips without a warning. He wanted to make sure he wasn't dreaming, that any of what happened the day before wasn't just a sweet trick from his imagination. He'd lost track of how many times he'd fantasized about you joining him in that bed, so he needed to assure himself you were real.

You were.

He could state by the warmth he felt the moment your soft breasts touched his naked chest, how your body weight felt just right on top of his and your hungry lips never gave him any sign of wanting to stop. The way he felt your fingers running through his scalp and tugging at his curls, being obvious you wanted that just as much as he did. You realized all you would have to do was place a leg on each side of his body and lower yourself a little so you could ride that cowboy until sunrise and for a few seconds you were seriously tempted in doing it. At that moment you deeply regretted asking him to be patient as you didn't want to jump into his bed, because the moment that devilish cowboy touched you, you wanted nothing but to jump into his bed and let him fuck you raw, the way only Jack Daniels was able to do it.

As tempting as that was, you remembered the whole reason why you were in his bedroom in the first place, so you took the hard task of breaking the kiss, nibbling his lower lip softly as your finger traced his sharp jawline "I'm sorry to wake you up and startle you, but it's past midnight Jack…" you whispered and you could see how his brows furrowed in confusion; of course he didn't know what you were talking about, it was his first time being part of the family and he still had a few things to get used to.

"Come on…" you said, taking him by the hand and pulling him out of the bed, he was curious as you didn't say a lot, he just put on his sweatpants over his black boxers and his stetson on, making you chuckle. No shirt on, but couldn't miss his cowboy hat.

You went to his dresser and grabbed the small cake you'd baked while everyone else went to bed. "It's past midnight, it's officially our son's birthday and we both have this tradition. I wake him up to be the first one to wish him happy birthday and we share a cupcake or something… but now you're part of it too, Jack, come on" you smiled at him and headed towards Wyatt's bedroom.

He couldn't help but feel his heart flutter in his chest, so thrilled to have his dream coming true, he followed you, beautifully marching with your gown, making an ethereal image in his mind, his tired eyes couldn't help but watching every step you took, you were mesmerizing, effortlessly gorgeous with the nicest smile he'd ever seen, the smile that had disappeared whenever he was around, and now it was reserved for him again, he was worthy of it once more.

Jack felt he couldn't help himself and wrapped his arms around your waist, having his own back to the wall, as you pulled you closer and chuckled at how worried you were about the cake

"Jack, what are you doing? We need to wake Wyatt up and sing happy birthday to him" you told him, but you weren't convinced you couldn't fight his touch "Honey please" you pouted "come on cowboy, I know you have other plans in mind, but our little cowboy really loves this tradition, you'll see it for the first time, you'll love it, I can assure you" you negotiated with him, feeling him loosening the grip around your waist, as you had convinced him, of course being with you was important but he couldn't wait to see his son's little face lighting up in happiness. He gently took the cake into his hands but not without stealing a peck from your lips.

You bit your lips, holding back your giggle and finally opened Wyatt's bedroom door.

The toddler immediately rushed back to bed, being caught red handed way after his bedtime. He knew his mommy didn't like when he didn't sleep, but he was so excited about playing with the little wood horses his daddy gave him.

He didn't have time to carefully place them into the box, so he got under the blankets and hoped his mommy wouldn't be angry, he noticed his daddy was also there and swallowed thinking he would be in trouble.

However, you smiled at him as you turned the lights on "you don't have to hide baby, mommy and daddy aren't angry you were playing, we both know you're a cowboy like daddy who loves your horses" you stroked your son's soft curls and watched as he sighed in relief "we're here because it's past midnight and we want to wish you a happy birthday" you chanted at the same time Jack lowered himself, showing Wyatt the small and very cute cake you'd baked and he had the proof you were not wrong when you said he would love to see Wyatt's happiness, because that little cowboy was all over the place, squealing happily and clapping his chubby small hands. He hugged you and Jack, pulling you two even closer, and you kissed his forehead.

You started singing a happy birthday song and Jack followed you, the way his son's smile was wide and beautiful - like yours - pierced right through that cowboy's heart, making him think of all the horrible things he did to you and Wyatt. You heard his voice break in the middle of the song, and turning to him, you saw he couldn't hide the tears that insisted on rolling down his cheek. Wyatt, at the same time he was thrilled about the tradition he shared with his mommy and now with his daddy too, got distracted by his father's tears, not understanding why he was sad. He took his eyes off the delicious cake his mommy had made and climbed his daddy's lap

"It's okay, don't cwy dada" he took his small hand to Jack's face, wiping away his tears just like his mommy did whenever Wyatt had an owwie. The cowboy on the other hand, couldn't take the amount of love he was receiving, the amount of love he craved but didn't deserve. His gorgeous son, looking at him with the most sympathetic eyes he'd ever seen, with nothing but love and purity inside, and Jack was taken back to the night he'd told you to get rid of the baby, at that moment he didn't see what a vile, horrible thing that was, but now that Jack his son in his arms, he saw what a monster he'd been. He didn't understand why you had decided to give him a second chance, he knew you were too good for him.

Wyatt snuggled against his daddy's chest once he felt his large arms around his small frame, smiling up at you, as Wyatt reached for your hand, holding it gently, in a way to feel close to his entire family.

Then Jack shot you the saddest eyes you'd ever seen, they were reddish with tears, in a silent apology you knew it didn't come from his mouth, but from his heart and you nodded at him, wanting to relieve some of the pain he felt. He couldn't escape it as it was just a punishment and consequence of the actions he'd done in the past, but perhaps you could soothe his heart a little. You wrapped your arms around his waist and the three of you remained in each other's embrace in a very comfortable silence.

When Wyatt asked for a slice of cake, Jack finally wiped his tears, nodding and picking him up, taking him downstairs where you could get them plates so the toddler wouldn't make a mess. You watched as both father and son helped themselves to the full slices, and smiled big at them.

"Jack… I was hoping to stay with Wyatt for a few more days on the ranch, if it's okay with you?" You suggested the cowboy, who widened his eyes in surprise and barely swallowed the cake he was chewing on, before immediately agreeing. Wyatt was over the moon, to know he'd stay with his parents at that amazing place and the love of his little life: his beautiful pony Silver Star.

After the cake session was over, Jack took him upstairs, Wyatt nearly falling asleep, with his face resting against his daddy's shoulders and small hands gripping him, never wanting to let go. He tucked him in and smiled sadly at the sight of his old wood horses, glad to know his son liked it so much, but still upset with the time he'd spent apart. He couldn't help himself but picture what life would be like if you two got back together for real and tried for another baby, he knew you would never trust him with that, but he would like to think he would take his chance to be a great husband and even better dad to Wyatt and the little girl you two you would - because he was sure in his heart the next member of the Daniels family would be a little princess - and he chuckled thinking to himself he would spend all the money he had on ponies if that meant he would please his wife, his son and his baby daughter.

He went downstairs as quick as he could and found you in the kitchen, washing the plates you three had used and wrapped his arms around your waist once more. That old cowboy couldn't help himself and loved touching you whenever he could, a part of him worried you would fall back into your senses and reject him, so he felt he should take all his chances to have his hand on you. And another part of that cowboy just longed for your touch, as much as you longed for his during the years.

You quickly turned around and smiled, hugging his waist as he pressed you against the sink.

You two remained in a comfortable silence until Jack looked down licking his lips and then back at you again. There it was, the hurt in them again. You stroked his cheek and before he could say anything, you nodded.

"I know Jack… I really do…" you said in a low voice "we both know how bad it was, at some point, I hated you Jack, I really did, and it took me a while to believe you have good intentions, you know that… but now we are working on it, right?" He nodded with the sweetest look in his face and your heart tightened in your chest "I wanna stay with Wyatt, not permanently, not for now at least, but I think it'll be a nice thing" you smiled and pecked his lips, taking his hat off and placing it on your head

"Just play your cards right… I'm breaking the cowboy hat rule for the second time, and you know what happens in the third strike… Earn that strike" you winked at home and walked out the kitchen.

•••

The night was agonizing for you, as you couldn't help yourself but think of Jack the entire time, every single touch he'd left on your body burned your skin and you kept thinking of him the entire time, you tossed and turned in bed, and you cursed yourself for giving him that speech about earning you because it could take time, when in reality you wanted to ride that cowboy literally to the sunrise - which would happen in a few hours - time enough for you to go to his room and…

You stopped yourself right there, you still hadn't even talked to Frankie, he needed to know your relationship was over, you didn't know if he would accept it, but even if he didn't, he wouldn't actually have a say in it, it wasn't like he could force you to be with him, besides, you wanted to be with Jack, you would give it a try, and for that neither of you couldn't have anyone holding you back. You completely forgot to tell Jack you had invited Frankie, but you hoped it wouldn't be a problem, after all, it was your boy's big day.

However, as much as you tried rationalizing, all you could think of was that cowboy. He was definitely driving you insane and you couldn't wait to get your hands on him. Or rather have his hands on you. Or both.

You grabbed your phone with a devilish idea and opened your Tinder app, knowing that if Jack still had his, his profile would show. You suffocated a squeal when you quickly found him, you laughed out loud, seeing his profile was corny and kinda ridiculous, just like Jack could be at times and you absolutely loved it. You immediately swiped him to the right and hoped he would see the notification popping up on his phone.

Jack on the other hand couldn't sleep at all, after you'd woken him up, he had too many thoughts, emotions and ideas going on and he simply couldn't calm down. He was anxious and excited about Wyatt's party but your words also puzzled him. How could he earn his strike? Of course he wanted to take you to bed but it was not only that, he wanted to have you in his bed every single night for the rest of his life, he wanted to make you his wife, and sometimes he just didn't believe himself you were actually giving him a chance to do it, it just felt too good to be real.

He frowned when he heard his phone buzz, that was his personal phone and well, he didn't have many friends who would reach for him, let alone in the middle of the night. He'd convinced himself he would just ignore it but then he thought of his mom and worried something might have happened. Ever since he started losing her to dementia he knew it was going to be a long road, so he had his aunt living with her full time and best care, but luckily, when he lit up his screen he saw a Tinder notification.

Jack frowned, confused at it, he hadn't even opened his profile since the disastrous date he attempted to have, but someone had liked him? Well, too bad, he wasn't interested in it anymore. He had a family, a son and a future wife he intended to win back, but he was a southern gentleman and he wouldn't just expose himself anymore, as he wanted to make things right with you, so he decided to delete his account. However, when he opened the app, he gasped and squinted his eyes to make sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing. It was you! Your profile, you had matched him and sent him a cowboy emoji. He couldn't believe that. What game were you playing? He was both confused and amused, and he would be lying if he said a part of him worried someone was using a fake profile of yourself to catfish him again, but that couldn't happen, could it? He knew the only way to make things clear would be texting you back.

But that was dumb. Of course, it was kind of sweet, a nice symbolism, but he wanted to see you in person, he wanted to talk to you, there was no reason to be locked in the room and texting like a couple of teenagers if you were just a few feet away, so Jack got out of the room and walked to yours, knocking on your door and watching as you opened it with a smug expression on your face.

For the second time that night, Jack Daniels stood in his half naked glory, only sweatpants hanging so low on his hips and a cowboy hat on his head covered his sinful body. If you weren't pinning like a love sick puppy you'd find his combination of clothes at least…peculiar.

"What is it cowboy?" You asked but was immediately caught by his strong arms, dragging you inside and placing you against the mattress. He pinned you down, trapping you with his weight and making you moan louder than you intended, but the way his hands gripped your body just made you wrap your legs around his waist. The way you hungrily kissed each other, his hat getting lost in your sheets as his lips moved to your neck, the way his mustache tickled your skin and made you feel hungrier for him.

"You know, I wanted to go on a date with you before all that, Jack…"

"Consider done sugar, you'll go on a date with me first thing after Wyatt's birthday, and I can assure you I can stop this whenever you want.."

The problem was, you didn't want it to stop, it felt too good to be in your man's arms, so close to surrender to him when your own phone buzzed, making the two of you distracted. Jack was able to find it among your blankets and suddenly, he stopped completely, his weight lifting off your body, as he went serious staring into your phone screen. He clenched his jaw and you could see a vein popping in his neck.

"What's wrong, Jack?" You asked in a frown, but he swallowed it and scoffed handing you your phone.

"Nothing, sugar… it just seems Frankie's got his third strike…"

You were confused at his words until you went pale at Frankie's open conversation

"Miss you babe, thinking of you 😉"

That's what it read right under the dick picture he'd sent you.

_____

A/N: I love that Jack spent this chapter literally in nothing but sweatpants and a cowboy hat and he was wearing already too much in my opinion... And now Frankie ruins it? Can you imagine when he shows up at the party? Let's hope Jack doesn't turn into an asshole again 😢

[vaguely-concerned]

Thoughts upon finishing Master and Apprentice! A good double read with Padawan; the ending of that leaving Obi-Wan slightly hopeful about his relationship to Qui-Gon makes for a very sad yet hilarious ‘Local Padawan loses last little bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of vibe to the beginning of this one, which is set one (1) year later and Obi-Wan is So Done with Qui-Gon’s whole deal by this point (correctly btw). Also if you can’t tell already I will not be objective or free from bias in this because I love Obi-Wan so much and some of the stuff Qui-Gon pulled made me incandescent with rage on his behalf <3 let’s go

- 'oh obi-wan, you're so mature for your age, I keep forgetting you're only seventeen years old,' qui-gon says, word for word, repeatedly, in master and apprentice, apparently willfully deaf to the industrial-sized warning bells about their relationship dynamic that should probably be setting off in his head. qui-gon believes in vibing with the living force and being in the moment right up until the moment requires him to pay attention to the kid he's raising for more than oh, one and a half minutes of self-effacing inner monologue and then he's like 'well unfortunately there is simply no time for that right now there are prophecies to be pondered'. (the fact that the admission that obi-wan has essentially been left to raise himself emotionally and the resigned reframing of that as 'and maybe that is a good thing!' is part of the olive branch they extend to each other towards the end... will my sadness never end)

- most of all it's so heartbreaking to me that qui-gon seemingly never understands just how much obi-wan as a person is rooted deeply in shame. I don't think that's a feeling that's particularly prevalent in qui-gon's own inner world so he doesn't recognize how central it is in obi-wan's psychology and completely misunderstands and misaligns with him again and again and again and then gets annoyed with obi-wan for that, thus making the shame even deeper. doubly painful because he does see the way rael lives so much of his life out of shame now and feels sad about it, but can't see the way he's contributing to obi-wan doing so. this is what fucks me up so bad about the generational trauma in star wars -- no one here meant to be cruel. for all his faults I do think qui-gon does love obi-wan and doesn't mean to hurt him. but the original sin of the prequels as far as I'm concerned is qui-gon tenderly drying away obi-wan's tears as he's dying even while completely failing to see him, his eyes too fixed on anakin's future to actually be with obi-wan, who's there right now and needs him.

these are simply very different people trying and failing to understand each other, and the harm that can still happen in that… 'if you love me, you don't love me in a way I understand', all the way through the disaster line, even when the love is there, it is there, that’s what hurts the most, it just doesn’t reach where it’s needed, there’s a connection that doesn’t happen. (ironically I think ahsoka doesn't doubt that anakin loves her, it's just uh everything else that went down. so y'know family curse broken! new even more fucked up curse achieved now with more child murder. I mean there already was some child murder in this family but anakin upped the game exponentially) 

- a lil guy who's basically tarzan except the gorillas are replaced with protocol droids and then he becomes a jewel thief is one of the funniest star wars concepts I've ever heard and I hope pax and rahara get to pop up in more star wars media, they’re great fun. (also an idea I think would be super fun to make a character/campaign around in Edge of the Empire or something, everyone playing different droids and then one person being robo-parented lol) 

- was not prepared to have rael posit a theory of what essentially seems to be the jedi version of predestination in his despair, but I do love to see it haha. especially interesting since he, qui-gon and dooku must be among the people alive who've studied the prophecies in most depth, and they've all reached different conclusions -- dooku decides to join the war of light and dark on the side of dark for some reason, qui-gon (possibly the stubbornest fucker the jedi order ever produced) 'turns towards the light not to win some great cosmic game, but because it is the light', and rael in the middle falls into the depressed apathy of 'it doesn't matter what we do here, the outcome is already decided; for there to be true balance there has to be as much dark as light in the world so we're fucked'. but in the end he does take qui-gon's words to heart and turns towards the light rather than accepting dooku's offer, even if he might not believe it makes a difference in the long run. man I love rael. hobo-looking sonofabitch living in a castle for eight years will just suddenly fling out some deep jedi theology huh

- master rael 'I'm gonna make up for the big terrible mistake I made on accident by making an even bigger more premeditated mistake on purpose' averross (affectionate)

- the added layer to dooku’s fascination with prophecy after reading dooku: jedi lost — that his best friend in the world was a seer who couldn’t turn it off and it destroyed him……….. dooku you’re not getting him back if you just understand what he saw you know that right

- the more I read of master and apprentice the more I realize that the reason yoda and qui-gon don't get along is that they're two of the judgiest bitches the jedi order ever produced. They’re like two cats scowling judgmentally at each other from opposite sides of the room pretending to live and let live while going ‘you’re wrong tho’ internally. 

- I dunk on him constantly (not entirely without affection, however grudging), but Qui-Gon is genuinely a really interesting character. He’s so… he’s so. He’s infuriating but he’s infuriating in an equidistant sort of way. You feel me. He’s pissing everyone off equally and he just doesn’t care because again, he’s the stubbornest judgiest bitch around and thinks he’s right all the time. I would be free to just enjoy his ornery ‘no actually I’m right about this’ ass and the chaos he wreaks so much more if Obi-Wan didn’t have to live with the emotional consequences of it lol. 

- poor rael closing in on fifty with his puriteen middle-aged little brother clutching pearls about his getting laid once in a blue moon fhdskjahfas. again a really interesting insight into different ways of interpreting the jedi code, though, I love seeing the jedi not be an ideological monolith. to be fair to rael, having sex sometimes does seem to be the indulgence he has that causes the least conflict with his principles or loyalties so you know what honestly force speed you my friend why not. (and then there's qui-gon 'noooo sex is only okay if you're In Love (implied: like I was)!!!' jinn lmao. I wonder what he'd think of anakin and padme's relationship, would that pass the 'being sufficiently purely in love' test for him) I do like how consistently it’s shown that rael doesn’t mean to be cruel or unkind in anything he says, he always notices something landing too close to home and then pulls carefully back from it instead of pushing on. He seems to be the emotional intelligence powerhouse in this lineage (as long as he doesn’t have his feelings too tangled up in something, at least). 

Dooku: jedi lost also shows us that dooku absolutely knows rael is out there in the galaxy laying pipe and is, at worst, softly amused by it. So in this little family unit it’s only qui-gon losing his mind over it fjsdkafa I’m so used to having qui-gon be the wild card maverick compared to obi-wan ‘*in tears* but what are the RULES master’ kenobi, it’s so fucking funny that within the context that raised him he’s the stick in the mud 

I guess. the book also had a plot and it was not bad! some interesting insights about how the republic interacted with the big corporations and just how fucked everything already was by this point. I'm a pretty character-driven reader so that's what sticks with me for the most part

- obi-wan’s big teenage rebellion here being that sometimes. Occasionally. When he really loses his temper and gets hot under the collar. He’ll say something slightly passive aggressive out loud instead of keeping it contained inside his head. And qui-gon still can’t handle that gracefully AT ALL he snaps right back fdjskfhas. (I guess he also snitches on qui-gon to the council but well, you know, qui-gon was breaking republic law pretty brazenly at that point I think that moves beyond teenage angst and into ‘...master that’s a wholeass felony’ territory). Obi-Wan does go for a couple of low blows, but like. Nothing that’s not actually true, is the thing. And mostly he blames himself for not being good enough, because surely if he were qui gon wouldn’t treat him like this. Augh. hngh. Pain. suffering. 

- I am not one of the people who think everything would have automatically been just hunky-dory if only qui-gon lived and could have been anakin's master (in fact I would have given it a 50/50 chance of going exponentially worse way faster; being more similar as people is not always a guarantee that a relationship will go smoother and qui-gon is an incredibly difficult man to be close to for any length of time), but the way this book basically presents how the dynamic between dooku, rael and qui-gon could have gone on in the next generation too... it would have been incredibly unfair to obi-wan (as always I think that's just an universal constant lmao) but I think the odds of it turning out okay would have been better if you had him in the mix to run crisis control for both qui-gon and anakin, as he does for each of them individually as best he can anyway. at least he could have been free to be anakin's brother and friend purely in that scenario, without all the added mess of grief and having to take on a parental role there so young. he does basically fill that role in ahsoka's apprenticeship, after all.

- qui-gon finally hugging rael before he leaves the planet (and especially since when they were younger he wanted to, but held himself back from it)... that's still his big brother even with all the shit that's happened since ;_____; when someone teaches you how to swim (literally and symbolically) that shit stays with you I suppose

Relatedly: DOOKU getting hugged, and gladly. What the fuck. Are you all seeing this shit. I’m gonna cry or laugh I’m not sure which one why am I emotionally invested in the galaxy's most problematic grandpa now this sucks