#i don't really care about kudos that much but it's nice to receive it

[vilnan]

does anyone even care about fenhawke anymore except for me lol

[andypantsx3]

I’ve written to you before a very long time ago about things not going very well for me, and things are better now. Thank you for your compassion to a stranger then. It’s given me ideas as someone who also enjoys writing. I’m sure you’ve got variations of this question before so I’m sorry if I’ve missed those somehow but any advice on how to start writing and sharing your writing publicly? Like I created an account to send you this but I have no clue about anything really. Will I seem like a random interloper in the fandom who has arrived out of the blue 😭 I guess my concern is I’ll realize I’m actually not good at writing at all or worse nobody will read any of it. I feel awkward about actively promoting my work too. I don’t want to be famous or anything but it would suck if nobody wanted to read my stuff. You’re something of a stalwart at least for the fandom/genre/pairings you regularly write for and while I won’t aspire to that, how did you deal with self-doubt as an early writer? I know it’s not like I hope to earn money out of this or anything so opinions are just opinions but all my writing feels so personal to me that I’m worried about being convinced nobody cares about what I have to say. How does one really get their start at all. I’m sorry to bother you with all this but I’m super lost. It’s just that if someone’s terrible day or week could be made a little better because of my work, as your work regularly does for people, that would be nice. I hope you’re doing really well and randomly find something you’ve been looking for!

Hello my love!! I'm so happy I could help you out a little when you were in a tough spot!! I am very very happy that things are looking up for you now and I hope things only continue to get better and better!!! 💕

And oh my gosh, I don't think anyone will think of you as an interloper!!! Fandom is a community and the more the merrier imho! The x Reader community in particular is super welcoming and very nonjudgmental and the perfect place to get your start; almost everyone here is super nice and really chill. People will surprise you with how much nicer they are than you expect; I think you should just take a leap of faith and jump in!!

But just in case, let me give you the most realistic and straightforward advice I can. It's easy to dip your toes in and test the waters but I think you will need the below pieces of advice if you plan to battle self-doubt and continue writing & publishing fic without burning out or going nuts in the long term lol.

1. Find balance in the source of your self-worth

With publishing anything online, you always hope that people will like it and will want to engage with it. On tumblr the best measurement we have of that is notes, and on ao3 kudos + comments. Notes/comments/kudos are incredible and will make you feel more cherished than anything in the world. I will always appreciate them more than I can say, but one thing it is essential to know is that they are external sources of validation, and it is extremely dangerous to attach your sense of worth solely to the actions of other people.

If you want to publish fic, you will need to also find some internal sense of worth in your writing. You will need to finely balance that with how much you treasure the feedback of other people in order to stay afloat long term.

I recommend really sitting down and thinking about what you are writing/what you want to write, and why it is worth it to you. What makes your fic interesting to you? What are you doing differently than other people that makes you unique? What does your authorial voice sound like? Answering these questions will help you identify what you are bringing to the table as an author, so you know what it is that you do well, even if people aren't engaging the way you want, or even if you're receiving criticism.

For me, I really find value in the places I diverge from other fic authors. People really love writing powerful hero readers, but I usually write quirkless side characters who have somehow found themselves the main character. Chaptered/long fics are also less common in our fandom than oneshots, but I typically write chaptered fics! And I have a stylistically simple and light voice which is easily accessible.

All of these help me know that I'm bringing some fun distinct stuff to the table, even if what I'm bringing isn't perfect or necessarily as popular. And even if I enjoy other peoples' fics and authorial voices more than my own; I'm still bringing something unique and valuable!! So even when people aren't picking up every single thing I'm putting down, I still know the value of putting them down anyway.

2. Manage expectations

I think it can be easy to compare ourselves with one another, especially if you follow some well-established authors or people writing for super popular characters. Even I succumb to jealousy on occasion; it's just human nature. But it's important to know people will engage with different types of fics in different ways and that other people's success has nothing to do with your own.

I think you should set realistic expectations for how people will engage with your fics depending on what it is that you want to write. Some fandoms are much larger than others and therefore have a wider built-in audience. Some characters are also wildly more popular than others so it is likelier fics for those characters will go a bit further. In my experience, people really gravitate towards smutty scenarios or headcanons, sometimes oneshots, and less so chaptered fic. And some authors have been around for forever, or post constantly so that they are regularly drawing people in, and therefore have a larger reader pool than other authors.

So think about what you are writing, for which characters, and in which fandoms, and level your expectations accordingly. For me, even though Shouto is fairly popular, he also only has roughly 1/3 of Bakugou's level of popularity. So I never try to gauge the success of a Shouto fic in comparison to a Bakugou fic I've written, or even the Bakugou fics of other more established Bakugou writers.

This, combined with my own internal sense of worth as a writer, helps me feel like I'm doing pretty good for myself, even if I get like, 30 notes on a fic compared to someone else's 300 or something.

3. Understand that writing is a growing process!

One other essential tip is to understand that writing is a skill set than can be refined and honed. What you write one day is not indicative of where your skill level will sit the next day. And so critique you receive, or mistakes you have made, are really less indicative of failure and more tools to help you get to the next level.

This is one I've personally struggled with, but it can be worth it to be open to feedback that is not necessarily complimentary, with the caveat that you should know what is objective constructive criticism, and what is more subjective/personal preference. The latter you can disregard, because tailoring a fic to some random person's arbitrary tastes is not going to help you tell a good story lol.

But people telling you what they would like to see more of or things that didn't make sense to them can help you understand where you can make improvements to your writing. And it's not to say your writing is not good enough where it is; only to say there are avenues for you to develop even more experience.

For me, this has largely been in the area of smut lol. I liked my lil vanilla smut scenes, but I used to commonly get a fair amount of feedback wishing they were spicier. And, after initially getting defensive lmao, I could see how that was a common piece of feedback across multiple critiques, and I understood how drawing those scenes out might help contribute to the feeling of intimacy, satisfaction, and closure I want to develop at the end of a fic!!

I think being open to feedback while understanding that critique does not in any way take away from your talent overall, can only help you preserve the satisfaction you have with your writing, and help you refine in the future!! It keeps writing interesting, and keeps your sense of self-worth tied up in the process of writing, not necessarily the product of the writing, if that makes sense.

Anyway that's what I can think of for now. Even with all this advice listed out, I think you should just have hope and trust in people and dive right in. It sounds like you are an earnest person wanting to make heartfelt connections, and in my experience people will reflect that energy right back at you!!

I am sending you all my best vibes and looking forward to reading your stuff, if you end up going for it and posting!!! 💕✨

[jooeeydee]

Does anyone else sometimes get sad and insecure about mulitple chapter stories they write and post on ff.net oder AO3 and receive 50, 100, 200, + kudos but only one maybe two to five people from those comment regularly and with that let you know if someone is even still reading and enjoying your story.

I do primarily write for myself and I would still write if no one gave me any feedback but it would just be nice sometimes if people shared how they felt about the chapters I post.

Did they like it? Did they hate it? Did I catch them by surprise? What did or didn't they like?

This way it just leaves me in limbo and I have no clue if people even still read it or if I'm writing it for myself and could just as well not go trough the trouble of posting it.

I don't know I'm usually fine with it but every once in a while I get sad that after hours upon hours of writing, researching, editing,... people can't even take the time to write a short comment, just to let me know people are still reading it. Is it too much to ask for after you spent the time it took for you to read it to stay another minute or two to give me a sign? There really isn't any other way for me to know.

I guess I'm just in a weird mood and it's a weird day.

It would just be nice to know if anyone even still cares about the story.

[orangepanic]

Hi.

I just want to say... I read all of your Irosami fics, and when I Say all I mean ALL of them.

I love your written, your mind, your imagination, and even love the way you go for the angst!

I do not comment in them because... English is not my first language and also I am shy, I do not what to say beside that I loved the cap or some thing like that, and... Some of the fics are old (I comment in "Players" about a Taylor Swift song and then I realized that the Fic was so old and I was like "Mmm, maybe I Should haven't post that...")

Anyway, I love your fics and I really enjoyed read each of them.

Pd: I really hope you can continue Firestorm.

I spent a long time thinking about how to respond to this. The gist of it is: please don't ever be afraid to interact positively with a fanfic writer or fan artist in any way.

Messages like yours mean SO MUCH to creators. Especially in small fandoms like LOK, and for rare pairs or small ships where works have a very small audience. Every single comment is treasured, no matter how short or in what language or how many years after posting it comes. Each kudos counts when we might overall get less than ten, or five, on an entire piece we spent weeks or months on. Rare pair writers especially are counting on just a few people for any kind of appreciation because we know our works don't have the broad appeal that big ships do. We want to make those few people who do care happy, and it's nice to know when we do.

Also, every writer I know loves receiving comments on older fics. We worked just as hard on those as we did on new ones, and it's devastating feeling like if we don't get a reaction within 24 hours than no one will ever read that work. This isn't instagram. It's not cringe to comment on old fics. Please tell us you love old works just as much as new ones.

THANK YOU SO MUCH for reaching out. You honestly made my whole week with your kind note. Maybe my month. And if you ever do want to leave comments, don't worry if you don't have much to say besides "I liked this!" You're welcome to write comments in any language you choose - I read a few, and I have translators for the ones that I don't. However you express yourself, fanfic writers will love it. I promise.

And yes I will finish Firestorm. I promise that, too.

[larrysballetslippers]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022

I wanted to this again as I had so much fun last year. And I have grown so much since last year hheehe. Let's see how this year turned out.

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 20 (+1 coming)

2. Word count posted for the year: 100,386

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson/OMC

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: If You Forget Me

Bookmarks: If You Forget Me

Comments: Caught In Between Love

More under the cut.

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

When I Say Give Me (I mean the world). It was the first Girl Direction fic I have written and the first longer fic in a long time (19k is a lot for me). In the middle of this fic my crush broke my heart, but I sat that aside to write it and I still don't know how I did it. I even improved my writing speed. Couldn't have done it without @thebreadvansstuff, so thank you sweetie!!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Printed Against The Sky. It's a good fic, I don't mind it, but I think I could have done better. I wanted to write Age Play for a while so I think I overhyped it myself. It's still a great fic, but just not what I hoped it would be.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

On To Voice My Love. Let me just share it because I was smiling so much when I read it again:

Oh my god, this was so so good! I am not an active part of this fandom, but I saw this on my dash and read it. Also, I never read about smut in polyamorous relationships in general because I'm a little uncomfortable with that idea. But DAMN, this was so BEAUTIFULLY written! I loved how you portrayed the communication problem and need for emotional support for Harry, and how Louis is such a sweet supportive dom. Overall, it's such a healthy and precious demonstration of BDSM and also super hot. Loved it! Would really love to read more about these three! A small request, can we get a bit more dominant side of Andrew too, that would be hot af, but that's completely upto you. Overall, loved this sm.

The fact someone who wouldn't read this kind of story READ MY STORY AND LOVE IT!!!! I can't, I love it!!! it was a first for me, and honestly it was a bit weird to write at first, but now I am so used to have my three boys, I don't know to let them go (why the series is still going).

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Well it was around October, beginning of November. I was feeling really really stressed with uni and writing and all my responsibilities. I didn't really know why? But it was really hard to smile.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

ANDREW MY BABY BOY!!! Andrew is my OMC for my For My Lovers series. I didn't know I would love him so much. He is my precious little bean. Well... he's very bratty and a smart ass pain in the butt, but he's MY pain in the butt. He came together nicely, like I didn't plan much, it was so natural. Love him so much.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

When Love Is Enough... it's just something I wish someone will say to me one day...

Andrew let go of his body for the first time in a long while to hold Harry’s face. “Harry, listen to me. You’re our world, our everything. You’re not your sister, you are perfect just the way you are. We wouldn’t want anyone else. You are enough for us.” “Yes, you are the most caring and thoughtful person in the world, always putting us before yourself. Even before your own sorrows.” Louis kissed Harry’s forehead and sighed. Harry bit his lip again, it was uncomfortable and he wasn’t sure if it was bleeding or not. “Of course, you’re both so amazing, I umm… I should feel thankful to just be around-” Louis interrupted Harry. “You’re worth a thousand stars, a million suns and all the moons in the universe. Don’t let me catch you thinking you’re lucky to be around us, because we are the ones who should be thanking the heavens that we have you.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Omg, I thought I grew so much last year, this year is on a total different level. I started writing faster, make better plot progressions, dialogue got better. BODY LANGUAGE got so much better. I am much better with pacing, don't need to worry about it so much anymore. Short fics stay shorter, because I have been practicing with my fic commissions. I don't know, I write Girl Direction now, I feel I even have grown as a baby bi because of that! I am not so scared to say... boobs lol. I have gotten so much more confident.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Well, tone it done a bit... I have written a bit too much this year. I wanted to write 9? fics, because I wrote 8 last year.... 21 haha oopsie. I have definitely overworked myself and that's not good.

Besides that, I want to get better at writing. I want to better at grammar and imagery, less repetition. I want to grow. Be better at longer fics. My modelling au for the @notjustsmutficfest will be a longer one and I already feel overwhelmed haha. And a kid fic that I won't say too much about.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Well I think I couldn't have done anything, if it wasn't for @onlythebravest. Julia has helped me get through this year, I don't even know what would have happened if it wasn't for them! One thing, For My Lovers wouldn't have been here haahaha. At least not the way it is now!! Thank you for always hearing my whining and overexcited 2pm fic ideas.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Hahahaha, ummm. Almost all the emotional scenes in my fics have some form of self insertion hehe.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Well, have fun. Write what you want to write, don't be scared. If you want to write a fic where the one dee boys are butterflies, do it bestie.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

Well I have a few.

My Modelling au for @notjustsmutficfest. My girl direction religion fic for @1dreligionfest. Next season for For My Lovers. A pantyhose fetish fic. My kid fic. And a fic for next round of the @1dastroficfest, that's coming in January!!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@onlythebravest @thebreadvansstuff @huggieshalo @kingsofeverything @harrysmaison @thedevilinmybrain @lunarheslwt @momrryrights @larry-hiatus @polaroidlouis @cyantific @parmahamlarrie @haztobegood @faithinwalls369 @panye @zanniscaramouche

[greywindys]

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

In moderation, it can be nice to find other fans who have a similar perspective on fanon. Additionally, by posting work, it's nice to get feedback that yes, you have a good and/or interesting idea. Essentially, it's one way to build connection, build confidence and receive support. That being said, I don't think it's necessary. It really depends on the person and what they're looking for. Fandom should never be the only thing you have going on in your life, and you should be able to take breaks if you want to. Part of what makes it so fulfilling is the opportunity for an extra boost during the week. Which leads me to the next part of the question -

If you're anxious, or not as social as others, it's good to identify your personal boundaries, enforce them as needed, and have a healthy perspective on yourself. For example, relatively speaking, I'd say I'm an introverted person. I prefer close friends to dozens upon dozens of surface level relationships. The idea of being on social media constantly, building up a brand, commenting everywhere, making sure people know who I am, is not appealing to me. I figure if someone genuinely wants to get to know me, they'll talk to me, or we'll connect in some way over time. Besides, what's the point of trying to force myself to get along with someone I know I don't vibe with, or have little in common with? I'd rather have real connection. So far, that's worked out for me, and I've made great friends. But I rarely find anyone who has followed the same approach. If I was still in middle school, this might have made me feel like I was "weird", but today, I love that about myself because I'm respecting my comfort level, and I know that everyone is different, and those differences are all valid.

I'd also remember that online, no one HAS to know everything about you, and you don't owe anyone anything. Go at your pace, move on from friendships that aren't making you happy. You don't have to rush around trying to make connections with everyone. Talent and popularity isn't an predictor of character. A good way to start is by sharing your work and seeing who responds positively to it. Over time, you'll get an idea of who you see frequently, and that's a good start to figuring out who you'll get along with. Negative reactions always happen, but it's good to remember that those people don't know anything about you, so how could they know better than you or the people close to you? Just keep doing you! I truly believe that our real friends find us, and care enough to learn who we are. It's all very much about knowing yourself and your boundaries, and not feeling bad about what makes you, you. And also know that it's not needed to have enjoyable fandom experience.

fanfic ask game

[rainypebble07]

A Thank You to Tumblr <3

Okay, this doesn't have to do with anything but I just wanted to express how much I love tumblr. Like, everything on this site, even their marketing emails make me so happy. I'll get random ones about stuff I don't even care about but they're so fun to read anyway.

And when it prompts you to leave a comment on someone's post and it's like "say something nice!". That's so sweet and there are other ones too, I just can't think of them but they all make me smile.

And someone followed me recently and I got an email about it that said "blahblah is following you! Win!" Like, win? It saying this specific person following me is a win because this one person is so important and they don't even know they're receiving such validation but they are! Because tumblr said it was a win! And it's just so sweet and kudos to this site's marketing team and developers and everything because I've only been here for a month or so but I've never had such a fun and welcoming social media experience.

That's all- just thought I'd say something because I really am impressed by this site. I like to find little things in life that can be enjoyed, and everything here has just really pulled through.

[dearlydarlingdahlia]

I decided to close comments on all of my fics.

Unfortunately, I've been dealing with a little bit of rudeness/harassment on ao3. It wasn't enough to just turn off comments on the relevant works because I was getting comments on my completely unrelated work instead. Even though I could delete comments, they would just repost. I've also tried moderating, closing comments just to guests, and blocking people. I'm a pretty anxious and sensitive person so dealing with this over the last few months became too much for me. Even if other people handle this all the time, they must just have a different capacity than I do.

The positive comments I have received in the past were such a blessing, and I'm super grateful for them. However, the strange/negative ones I've been getting recently have been detracting from the fun. It might sound silly or stupid, but I had started getting nervous every time I got an email from ao3. I was just afraid of what kind of shit I was going to get next.

Recently, I tried a thing where my husband was 'moderating' my comments for me. He would read them first and then explain them to me in a helpful way. It was definitely helpful, but I still found myself stressed anyway. I think ultimately, I was and am worried that my work just burdens, inconveniences, or harms people just by existing. No one has actually said that my work has harmed them. This is just my own deeper sense of shame speaking.

In the last several months, all of the comments I have gotten have been entirely negative. I wasn't getting anything positive, so I asked friends to write a few nice comments for me to help me feel better. They kindly read and praise my work, but they don't go on ao3. It was really sweet, but I think I'll just stick to receiving their praise outside of ao3. Reading things aloud to them and having whole conversations about it has been super fulfilling.

I also decided to apply a skin on the site for myself to hide all of the stats. This way, I no longer see how many comments, kudos, hits, or bookmarks I have throughout the website. I also adjusted my settings, so I don't receive emails for kudos either. I do appreciate knowing readers like my work, but I got too anxious about the numbers and questioning if my writing was 'enough'. It became less fulfilling and enjoyable when I was fixated on my 'performance'. It was demoralizing spending hours creating something so personal and relying on a number to quantify the 'success'. I also couldn't just 'stop caring' about this.

Hiding the stats so far has felt liberating. Now when I scroll through my works, I instead think about how each one made me feel.

Sadly, I feel like my writing flow has been frozen up lately and like it's even in a chokehold. I'm afraid to write because I'm afraid I'll just get hate or negativity. I've been rereading some of my work lately, and it's validating because it makes me happy. I'm sure this writers block will pass soon enough. I'm just used to being able to churn out content quickly.

Sometimes I worry inconvenience people because I write SO much content. Like I'm clogging up their search results or email notifications with my crap. I'm almost at one million words on ao3 and I've only been at this since last December. This fear of burdening people with my volume of words probably stems from being told that I 'talk too much' by an abusive man when he was justifying the harm he did to me.

I've been reading a powerful book about abuse recently, and I just finished the section on arguments with an abuser. It said that abusers usually seek to discredit you and silence you, which really spoke to my experience. In the past, I've allowed myself to be silenced and I've literally spent years hiding from the world. I don't want to keep letting that happening to me, so I plan to write again soon when it feels right.

[swiftfootedachilles]

people are so weird how are u gonna bash a well meaning person and then refuse?? to tell them?? WHY you’re bashing them?? if ur post was offensive then explain why jesus christ this is not how u have healthy useful dialogue with people, it’s just piling unnecessary hate and cruelty on someone. i’m really sorry you’re being treated so shittily by this fandom, i love your posts.

hey thank you so much for this. the handful of people ive talked to have been very understanding of my side and agree that it seems like this person already didn't like me and was looking for a way to renounce me+my posts

truly, i don't know why she feels my posts are offensive. i hate the idea that a jewish person feels i was antisemitic and fetishizing jewish culture. i researched antisemitic fetishization tropes in opera during my undergrad program. ive always tried my hardest to understand minority communities that i am not a part of, without overstepping and seeming like a white knight/savior. i have always been guided through life by my ethics and a burning need for social justice. i want to fix this!

i was really pissed off yesterday and used more aggressive language in my posts and replies. today my head is clearer but im just as confused. i never expect minorities to do the emotional labor of researching topics for me and handing everything over on a silver platter. i will gladly educate myself, but i cant do that when i don't know what i did wrong. this isn't a situation where i did something clearly wrong and there's an obvious gap in my understanding - ive asked multiple friends where they feel i went wrong, and all of them have said they aren't sure

one very kind person messaged me about how, from an outsiders perspective, they were reminded of other situations where autistic people have their words or actions purposefully misinterpreted, and that seriously opened my eyes. OBVIOUSLY im not saying this person is accusing me of antisemitism because she hates autistic people. but i have often experienced people purposefully misrepresenting me and getting mad without explanation. everything starts out good, great even, and i build a script with which to interact with others. but eventually, you get very comfortable and stop following a script, start to unmask a little. and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

you're not acting right. you said the wrong thing. who would say something like that? so inappropriate. and when you ask for clarification because you genuinely do not know what you did wrong, all you receive are eyerolls and more hate because you should already know this, im not gonna spoonfeed everything to you. you're an adult figure it out yourself.

like i said, i don't think she's, like, hating on me for being autistic. i think ive gained a certain reputation (of what i don't know) in the shameless fandom, and people are projecting their preexisting judgement into me. this means that they don't actually want me to apologize. they don't care. they think i am already not a good person and just want to point that out to me to shame me into saying sorry because they think it'll knock me down a few pegs. whatever. my real offline life is much worse than getting mildly ganged up on on the internet. ill survive. i still want to finish my mickey embroidery and my edits/webweavings and my fics. maybe i will, maybe i won't. like ive mentioned many times before, i have pretty bad rejection sensitive dysphoria and i need to be reassured i will get feedback on my works before i ever post them. my fics were already being ignored by most of the big fandom writers - i think those will just have to be scrapped because i genuinely cannot take hollowing out my chest and putting it to paper only to get a few nice comments/kudos. the embroidery though, that's for me. i definitely wanna do it. the other original posts like webweavings, idk maybe i really don't know

[terrifickid]

I think pets are fundamentally wrong

You bred them with each other for generations, making this weird imbred mutant creature that can't possibly survive on its own, neuter it, then keep it locked up and feed it gruel - demand complete subordinance and punish it for going to the bathroom.

Sounds like ya'll .

And you love your pet! Just like a member of the family. Except when it's inconvenient or too expensive - then they're dropped off anywhere or at a kill prison.

That's great. Oh and free Palestine.

I think this is a big deal since, thus far and what likely drove me insane was being subordinate to you murderous, obstinate, grotesque cowards.

Having fought out of your hell as a schizophrenic for 40 years, losing my will to live and regaining it leaves me with an interesting taken on the human condition.

I think I'll have to live as a political dissident. It's not a choice to live or die, it's what my relationships will be until I'm dead.

Cause I wanted to get all that schooling.

Now that I see as an insane person, bitch I don't have a future, I guess this changes the algebra on what I can and can not accept.

And I think Blockchain is the ultimate egalitarian arena or at least Bitcoin.

I am not a murderous, grotesque, obstinate coward though this is levied upon me on a daily basis. "Who!?" - motherfucker don't speak to me.

I don't know if being a pacifist precludes me from SSI. But maybe it won't. If I were a misogynist that would be a different story but I am not.

So I think I'm going to double down on being as bad as I want to be. Or at least I'm thinking about it thinking about it.

I dunno, tact can be super useful but tact has become the new state religion and isn't this the very thing that's instigating this so called 7th gen warfare and also the arena predators use to kill?

I think I have passed the point of no return. Or intend to cross it. I don't want to go back. My greatest fear was that it was my fault, that I was being an asshole. I guess I kind of was but not because I was an asshole, just that I was severely mentally disabled at birth and well nobody 'had the heart' oh poor you. I could have been aborted, I could have received the medical care I required, I could of been put in foster care but no, I was just kept in the car, like a dog and trained to speak and sit and be a good boy to cover for everyone so they could destroy the environment with their fancy cars and their hairspray and their addiction to their familial rape fantasy romance.

But thanks to the intrepid women of this era, fuck this. And I think this is my great opportunity to openly wage jihad - since, yes, to my astonishment you shit stains dared to say something. Kudos kudos kudos.

If you had ever dared to train at the dojo I'd graduate you.

But instead it's still 100% fuck me, because it's easy and who has the time or inclination to recognize that you're not the ultimate polysci guru the moment you realized there was anything beyond drugs now that you're 'on the road', or that your political party affiliation is just the carefully constructed pimp game you still crave - perpetrated by your now truly living nightmares, festering merchant molechian golem corporations, which you irrevocably committed all rights and privileges grantable- primarily the flesh of your children - which is cut, processed and sold back to you in the form of violence and violent accessories.

Because I am not a misogynist definitely and because I'm schizophrenic, NOT because I huffed paint or just jazzed out to much, and NOT an asshole. Than I guess I 100% fuck you back.

And isn't that the real meaning of Kobayashi Maru solution space in the end?

Dad killed himself - why? Because he feared the retribution and as a doctor he had sworn an oath. An oath we could never share.

To conclude,

Buy your dog a nice shirt or a wallet or something this Christmas, giving is a beautiful thing.

Kirk, like Picard got told. Told by a little boy. Who was creative and not really boldly made emotional contact with people immediately around him. He being actually thoughtful rather than brash was upset and instead of turning to alcohol got high in this weird Indian seance.

I think you know the rest.

No?

Well, some set jerk was mean to him or something I guess and he quit the show and played d&d with his funny friends.

Kirk too, intrepidly leaving the nexus, followed suit and went on to make a difference again being a paid spokesperson in advanced 'name your own price' technology.

As for Picard, last I heard he was saving the universe, again, from some clthuthonic tentacle AI? While Starfleet got back to war with the Klingons using mushroom teleporters cause they're evil now... Something about a vegetarian space beetle.

Morally murky I grant.

The power is yours!!!!!

[the-badger-mole]

Congratulations! You have now been teleported into the world of Avatar The Last Airbender, what advice do you give each of the characters?

OOOO! I love this! I have so much advice to give so many characters! Okay, let's see...

Katara: It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to be the one who gets taken care of every once in a while. Your strength is undeniable, but you can't shoulder everyone's load. It's not fair to ask of yourself. Surround yourself with people who give you the space and freedom to be vulnerable, even if in the middle of it, it gets a bit ugly. You deserve support and love and understanding even at your lowest points.

Now that the war is over, take a step back and ask what do you want? Forget what's expected of you, or what ahem someone else may want. This is your time to forge your own path. Your friends- your true friends- want to see you grow and be happy and do amazing things. If along the way you disappoint someone's expectations, that's fine. They will either get over it or get out of your way. You're bound for incredible things. Don't dim your shine to make someone else look brighter.

Zuko: I really can't do much better than Iroh, except to say this- you are not your forefathers. Whatever evils they committed may color how people see you at first, but they don't define you. You're not destined to make the choices they made. You are far kinder, stronger, braver, and more compassionate than any of them. That has nothing to do with one side of your bloodline winning out over the other, and you don't have to worry that someday something will shift in you and turn you into Ozai or Sozin or Azulon. The fact that you're even worried about it means that you won't make the same choices they made. Now, you may not be the perfect Fire Lord, but it's not fair to expect yourself to be. War is messy. Recovery from war is equally messy. You won't undo 100 years and 3 generations' worth of damage in your lifetime. Focus on giving the next generation a solid foundation to build on and you will have been more successful than any of them.

Keep yourself open to receiving constructive criticism, but also make sure that you're keeping yourself open to receiving love and support. The people who love you will not go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself. They will not make you feel they aren't safe to confide in. Love will help you to see the best in yourself and be there for you to lean on when things get tough. It will not threaten or berate you. It will not betray you or insult you for expressing doubt or fear. Don't accept less than you deserve.

Toph: You're amazing! You're smart and talented, and when you allow yourself to be, you're a darn good friend. I know it's hard to not bring past trauma into new relationships, but you don't need to be on the defensive all the time. You have done a good job surrounding yourself with people who love and fear you. Keep letting them in- especially if they happen to be offering the nurturing care you missed from your family of origin. It's okay to give people a second chance after they've hurt you, and it's also okay to set firm boundaries with them.

I cannot stress this part enough- DO NOT BECOME A COP! You are way too talented to waste your time and energy using your bending against the poor and downtrodden to protect the property of the rich. If you really want to be involved in the field of law, consider becoming a defense attorney. You can stick it to the rich jerks and save people who have no power themselves. That's just a suggestion, but there are literally thousands of other much more worthwhile things you could do with your time.

Sokka: You've done a lot of growing and self-work in a very short amount of time. Kudos! We love a king who can admit when he's wrong and learn a valuable lesson about being sexist. Now take that same energy and apply it to your sister. Acknowledge all she's done for you over the years (to her face, and preferably with a nice gift), and then do your share! You are too old to have your little sister have sole responsibility of keeping you fed and your clothes right. You know that's not going to fly when you marry Suki, so practice sharing the load with Katara.

Aside from that, you're a bright, charming, occasionally funny young man. You're going to go far, kid.

Suki: I don't have much to say to you. I don't know you that well, but what I do know of you, I like. You're a strong, capable young woman who understands that you don't have to be all warrior or all woman. That's amazing honey! There are older women than you trying to figure out how to balance the different sides of themselves, and you've started to figure it out before you've even finished being a teenager. Keep it up! Don't ever let anyone make you doubt yourself.

It's amazing that you were able to help Sokka see the error of his sexist ways, and I hope you continue to call him out when you see him doing something stupid. However, it's also important to remember that his growth is not your responsibility. You can offer advice and point out blind spots, but his growth is his responsibility.

Aang: IF IT'S NOT A YES, THEN IT'S A NO!!!!!!

No one owes you a relationship. You do not get to violate anyone's personal space. If you are interested in someone, talk to them about it. If they aren't interested (whether it's a no, or an I'm not sure), BACK. OFF!! That's not an invitation to pester them. That's not a challenge for you to change their mind. Leave them alone! If they change their mind, they can tell you. If you ever approach anyone disrespectfully again, I will arm them with pepper spray.

Your point of view isn't the only one that matters. You have been given a huge load to bear at much too young of an age, and there's a lot of pressure on you. It's okay to be overwhelmed, but in the end, you need to be willing to share your burden with the people who love and support you. Listen to the advice of wiser people. They may not be able to understand the unique challenges of being the Avatar, but they have far more life experience and understanding of the world's complexities than you have. Your own wisdom is based on concepts you only have a 12-year-old's understanding of. Work on continuing to grow in your understanding and be humble. Other cultures have worth, too.

Hakoda: Look, I get it. You're doing your best. It's not your fault that you missed so much of your kids' growing up, but they need you. Take them home for a while. Put in the time to get to know them again. Now is not the time to jump right into a serious relationship. Especially not with a woman that is trying to open up your home to a soft invasion of the Northern Tribe. Give yourself time to breathe, grieve and take account of what you and your family and your tribe need. You are a father and a chief. There are responsibilities in both those roles that need your attention. That's not to say you can't date at all, just be wise and remember that it's not just you that will be affected by your choice.

Iroh: Listen... you have done a great job with Zuko. You provided as stable and loving an environment for him as was possible, and in no small part thanks to your influence, he's a kind, compassionate, selfless young man. He's exactly what the Fire Nation needs, but you dropped the ball, Iroh. I get it. It's been a long life and you've put in a lot of work, but with all due respect, you're not freakin done! IF YOU DON'T TURN YOUR BEHIND AROUND AND GET BACK TO THE FIRE NATION, I WILL KICK YOUR TEA SODDEN BEHIND FROM STREET TO STREET! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Zuko is 16. He's just been given this huge responsibility that he has never been prepared for, surrounded by people he can't trust, and you are the only consistent guiding presence in his life. Why would you leave him? What were you smoking when you made that decision? What on earth makes you think Ba Sing Se wants you back, Dragon of the West? I know you've done a lot to make amends for what you did, but what you did was lay siege to that city, and it's insane that you think they'd want to buy tea from you now that they know who you are. If it means that much to you, open up a tea shop in Caldera. Just make sure you're close enough to Zuko to help him navigate his new role, you befuddled meatball!

Ty Lee: Girl...go back to the circus. The Kyoshi Warriors is not for you, and you deserve a clean break from everyone back in Caldera. Go live your best, sparkliest life, queen.

[explosionshark]

Hi! It's me, writing advice seeking anon, again. First off all, I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such awesome and kind and helpful advice!! I'm an awkward and super shy noodle and reaching out to people is hard, but I definitely need to start commenting more on fics I love. You writers have certainly earned it, I just need to get brave enough to do it! I definitely owe you comments on your fic, and you'll be getting those very soon! And not just because you said to, but because I have been meaning to but just kept putting it off cause talking to people is kinda scary haha. Thank you for your lovely work!! I also really like the idea that finished is better than perfect will ever be. I'm definitely a perfectionist and keep holding onto all these half-finished fics I have and never sharing because I can't get them exactly how I want, so I definitely needed that advice. If you don't mind, I had one more question for you. Do you think there's a place for trans non-binary Buffy fics in this fandom? I won't fill your inbox with my Buffy Summers + gender identity head canons (unless you want that? cause then I'm super excited to share!) so to keep it simple, whether it fits in canon or is a complete AU, do you think you and other people would read nb Buffy + their gf Faith fics? At least half of my writing contains trans Buffy, and I'm not sure how that will be received, and it makes it a little scarier to share. Being non-binary myself, these stories are deeply connected to and parts of me, they pull from parts of my own experiences, and they're ways for me to write about the characters I love (and the parts of myself I see in the characters I love) which is extra special to me as someone who can't come out irl currently. On the flip side of that coin, it makes rejection even scarier, which makes posting harder, and makes me wanna keep all my stories locked up tight, just in case they aren't received well. Still, I think I'd enjoy sharing my writing if there are other people out there besides myself who are interested and who also would enjoy reading about two of our favorite characters being in love and exploring gender identity, and so I appreciate your honest thoughts and feedback!

Hey! Sorry for the late response, I had a rough week and didn't have time to get to this.

Going to put this under a cut because my answer got long but tl;dr - Yes, write and post the fic if you want to share it! I think it's worthwhile. But be careful about attaching too much of your own confidence and self worth to how a bunch of strangers in fandom receive anything you create.

More details under here:

I absolutely, 100% believe there's a space for trans/nb fics in this fandom, with any character. The cool thing about writing is you don't need anyone's permission - you can just do what you want. You can do whatever! It's the best!

And it's perfectly normal to put some of yourself into the writing - it makes sense that you're more invested and the work feels more personal when you're drawing from your own life and experiences. I think that's pretty par for the course for most writers. What I do want to discourage is feeling rejected personally for the way your fic may or may not be received.

I think you might have some ideas about what "success" looks like in the fic community and it would probably be good to reframe that. Any time you get to engage with another fan about your work in a way that's positive for you both, should be the baseline for your success. If that's a few kudos, or some good comments, or number of hits, or people sending you nice asks about it, or private messages - all of that should be success. Having your work available on a platform for anyone to read and feeling good about the work you put into it - that should be success.

Popularity should not be regarded as success because there's a bunch of different factors at play in how popular a fic or a writer becomes in a given space. Quality of writing is only one: the content of the story having a broad appeal or a niche one, the number of active fans at the time, and a bunch of other things also play a role.

Part of the reason I recommend getting into the habit of being an active reviewer and engaging with fans under a consistent name is that if you're looking to build an audience you have to become a known quantity. I'm not a hugely popular writer, in terms of sheer numbers, but I've been at it with this handle for a while and I'm active in the fandom. I've had people read my work because they like me in other fandoms, because I left them thoughtful feedback, because we struck up a friendship unrelated to what I'm writing and they got curious.

Don't take lack of a big audience to mean your work isn't good. Some of my favorite things I've ever written have barely any reviews - because I was writing in a dead fandom, or for a ship no one cares about, or regarding a subject no one else was really interested in. That's fine. That doesn't mean the work was bad. If you go into this specifically looking for outside validation or to become a BNF out the gate, you're gonna make yourself crazy.

That said, I understand how writing about trans interpretations of a character makes you nervous. I've only been active in this fandom for about a year - I've meet cool trans and non-binary people through it and I haven't seen much harassment on any grounds (but I'm also very much experiencing the fandom in a bubble). I've seen other nb character fics in the fandom, so you're definitely not alone. Your fic is absolutely worth writing and it's worth sharing - but please don't assess the validity or the importance or the worth of what you're doing base on how much interest a bunch of cis people have in the concept.

If you're worried about harassment or negative reception, ao3 has a few tools to help. You can turn off anonymous comments, forcing commenters to be logged in. Any logged in users can be blocked. You can also use comment moderation, which means you have to approve every comment before they show up on the website.

I am a cis lesbian and none of my fics are particularly challenging to popular fanon that's existed for decades. They've been well received because the subject matter appeals to a broad audience. I'm also not especially close to the stories, in the way you're describing - I have fun writing them, I want the work to be good so I can be understood as a capable writer, but I wouldn't say I'm engaging with anything in myself that's especially personal or intimate that I'm afraid of rejection for.

All of the advice I can give is going to be impacted by and limited by these aspects of myself.

But with that as a disclaimer, I hope I haven't discouraged you. I want you to get out there and post your fic and have a good experience in this fandom! I think there are people who would really value what you want to do. I can't guarantee you anything, but I think if it's something you clearly want to do, that you're passionate about, that's all the reason you need to go for it.

Best of luck! Take care!

[fic-dumpster]

Since I always nag about followers not following the basic DNI criteria, I wanna talk about amazing followers that follow the basic rules of decent behavior in this hell site, and I always notice and especially care about them. These followers have been a constant thing in my two months here. 💕🥺💕

@sehuniverse-94 First of all, Sehun is my ultimate bias, so there's that XD. then I.M. from Monsta X is also my bias, so extra kudos to your pp. This user is meant to succeed in life. But above all, you always reblog; every interaction I see from you is a reblog. That's BDE. You are on the path to greatness.

@thebrunetteavenger hi, we don't talk, but I always see your bitmoji face. SEE, THIS AWESOME USER HAS A GORGEOUS BIO WITH THEIR AGE IN IT. tysm for always reading my stuff :3 💕💕

@duskpuff I still have your ask; 🫂I will never delete it. And if Tumblr so much thinks of doing so, I will riot, and I already have a screenshot. And when I don't see you leaving notes, there's a part of me that wants to send an ask to check up on you... but I'm shy >.< and I don't want to intrude or smth. 💕

@gatitodelespacio Me agradas :3. Anyway, this user didn't have their age but once I asked nicely, she put her age. she didn't complain. and now we have a wonderful ask relationship because I suck at dming ppl. BUT THE POINT IS THE AGE IN HER BIO. *insert will smith pointing meme*

@miodio Your comments were some of the most beautil words Ive ever received :c and

@watermel0ons HIIIII, haven't seen you lately, I hope you are alright. I really liked the doddles you did for DIH. Jfjdjejd

@noirblancheink @giraffudon @michiru-kail @kakuccan yall always leave likes :D 👻 no ghost readers in sight!💕💕

@2dsimpomg gracias por comentar :3 hahaha desde que te enteraste que hablo español fuiste más activa. 💕🥺

@yukie35 Since the first day, I think I've seen you in my notifications. You haven't changed your icon either, so that makes it even easier to recognize. Also, thanks for liking and reblogging :3 it means a lot.💕💕💕🫂

@haitink Last but not least, I have to say that I've missed you in the last few days... your tag speech resonates with mine. I see what you tag :c ty.

Thank you for commenting, reblogging, having your age in your blogs, and making this a good experience for a humorous/nonsense writer like me^^ ily 💕🥺🤲🏻🫀

SEXY BLOGS WITH AGES YES YES

[tamaharu]

thank you @eurydicees for tagging me (〃´▽` ) i love talking about myself. a list of my five favorite fics ive written (and thoughts!) oldest to newest

1. don't knock it till you've tried it

the magnus archives + 5.6k. this is, i wanna say, my most popular fic? and im glad for it! its one thing for your most popular content to be something you hate, but i think this still holds up really well. theres a lot i like about it, such as the pronoun/titles between povs, georgies whole pov, the ending line. high five past me. and OH MAN is it crazy that this has 700 kudos. its a very nice feeling to know that that many people liked something you wrote... even if what you wrote is about a guy murdering his past self haha.

2. i'm not wearing my usual lipstick, i thought maybe we would kiss tonight

ohshc + 16.4k. my ouran magnum opus! i still care so deeply for this hc, and i have gotten so many sweet comments on this, im very glad it resonated with a lot of people. 3k hits!!! i think thats really really good for an ouran fic posted in 2020. if i have time there are a few things id like to go back and change about this - unnecessary prose or some of the ending - but frankly, the emotional heart of this is something im very proud of. every person who reads this and either gets their gender reflected to them OR at least is indoctrinated into trans!tamaki is another point towards me making it to heaven. if i was going through this list by favorites, this definitely holds the number one spot.

3. blunt not the heart

the magnus archives + 11.3k. OH MY GOD. this is my UNDERRATED GEM. my white fucking whale. i am SO MAD that this has received DUST considering my another tma fic has 700~ kudos. SO MAD. i really really like melanie king as a character. outside of the feminism of it all, its really fucking hard to write an effective character study. getting into a characters head is difficult. you know what would make it easier? NOT WRITING IT IN SCRIPT FORMAT LOL. but heres the thing: i made it fucking work. the fact that tma is an audio drama/script format already definitely lends itself easier to translation, but it was an interesting exercise to try and get into melanies head while still maintaining the format. and tying it into macbeth? inspired choice, past me! while its not more popular unfortunately, im still insanely proud of it, and the attention it did get is personally satisfying. please read it!

4. Feel Your Way Home

artemis fowl + 12.6k. ah.. my artemis fowl magnum opus.. i still care for that silly little guy a whole lot, but at this point i will say that my artemis fowl obsession was bright, but fleeting. im really really glad i managed to write this before i fell out of it, and even more so I GOT IT PUBLISHED ON THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY!! thats something i am weirdly very proud of. i worked really hard on this for several long months, and i think it turned out very very well. this is one where i really dont care how much attention its gotten for not, as it was very much written for myself. and im pleased with it.

5. name your courage now

ace attorney + 11.8k. my newest one! probably still have a serious case of rose-tinted glasses on, but idc. i love maya and her relationships to her siblings a whole lot. i found her dialouge during her testimony just so insanely ripe for potential, i was shocked nobody else had ever seemed to talk about it. i have so many feelings about bridge to the turnabout! frankly, the entire time i knew what i wanted to do with this story, and i feel as if i pulled it off really effectivly. keeping it emotional while also utilizing aspects of mayas brash, funny voice for the narration was a challenge i enjoyed. that, and trying to use the canon dialouge for the most part, while also attempting to speed it up/make it sound less like it came out of a video game. again, im proud of it, and heres to hoping that it'll get more attention.

thats it! im not big on tagging ppl but if you wanna do this by all means, please tag me so i can read your stuff °˖✧◝(￣▽￣)◜✧˖°

[recurringwriter]

Fanfic Writer Tag Game

thank you @omgkalyppso for the tag!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

hmm probably at this point it's rodriguela but i was always a big fan of chrom/sully. before that though i really liked cormag/tana (platonic). i think i've always been too much of a multishipper for an otp

How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 41 works at the moment! and hopefully many more to come (i certainly have many more wips)

What's your total AO3 word count?

522,825 in 2 years! yikesies!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

say it with swords - the polyamorous felix birthday fic i wrote last year! it deserves the top spot because there's 4 swordfights and felix gets to see how much everyone cares for him. rated T, 4 chapters

this diminuendo only gets obscene - yeaaaahhhh!!!! the morning after rodrigue and manuela hook up when he visits the monastery in ch5!!! and everyone is acting oh so strangely and he can't figure it out. rated M

Hate to let you down - the Eh-U!!!!!! with oc Mia and Felix and oodles of character growth. i'm So Close to being done the next chapter but i keep forgetting to work on it. rated M now, i don't even know how many chapters anymore. over 70.

whatever doesn't make me stronger kills me - VW syl/vix. don't read this. M rating, angsty and whatever. 4 chapters. i never loved it and published too fast/without putting as much care into it as i could've.

caw'll me maybe - henry awakening and marianne 3houses talk about crows. fun. delightful. lots of cute puns. rated G. please read it

Do you reply to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! i love comments and i love replying to comments and i'm so behind and feel ridiculous because it's been 2 months now but ;u; i appreciate them so much and need to let my commenters know that

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

hmm it's probably between the abovementioned syl/vix and i love you, sincerely, yours truly, yours truly which is a sci-fi thing where sylvain goes into the future and meets a robot lady who looks like ingrid. oh and the divorce au which is just angsty all over. but it isn't ended per se

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

how can i not say steal of two, where Claude and the Golden Deer play for the Fodlan Brier Championship? yes, this is a curling fic. i'm going to be loudly egotistical and say it might be the best curling fic ever written. also familiar starring catboy rodrigue has a quite happy ending that makes you go 'rowodriguwue'

Do you write crossovers?

i did! i wrote a 3houses x pokemon coliseum crossover! chapter one, anyway. and then there's the 3houses x awakening one. but it's not something i want to do lots though.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, thank goodness! i've gotten a few comments where i've been like 'okay, i think you don't appreciate the love that went into this particular chapter or fic' but nothing that's been outright mean. so grateful for how nice people have been. are people scared of me?

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have...been making some attempts lately because i Want to. so yes. i now have 3 E-rated fics and there's more on the way. and i will not say anymore

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

oooh not to my knowledge! if anyone has i wonder if that's where all the hate comments meant for me ended up

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, and i can hardly imagine the process! that sounds like such a difficult task and i bet translators must really have to love what they're translating.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not and am on the fence about whether or not i'd ever want to. it seems cool, but also Very Difficult. i'm particular about weird stuff and lazy about others, so i'm not sure what kind of person i'd work best with. i am curious to try someday, though.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

i think that if i want to finish a wip then i will. i have a curling fic that i started and left hanging--i don't think i'll finish it, but only because i don't really care about it anymore. maybe someday i will.

What are your writing strengths?

i have so many strengths. action, dialogue, apparently i'm improving at setting which is Wow Incredible because i always struggled with it, when i bother to describe clothing i do it well. i generally write about things i care about, so i try to write with care. i also write fast. i write lots. and i have fun while i write.

What are you writing weaknesses?

i struggle with writing character descriptions. i can do it, but it's Hard. same with clothing, and food that isn't breakfast. sometimes i write too much dialogue for what i intended a scene to be, because i get carried away. getting carried away might be both a strength and a weakness.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

if it's done well it's done well. i don't know other languages well enough to do it, nor have i read much where it's been done? aksdjhgfkjhg so i haven't given this much thought.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i wrote a fire emblem fates vignette before the game released (on my main blog and you'll never find it). before that it was oops! all original, and never shared.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

steal of two has been mentioned already, and to be honest? i love almost everything i've posted. some are a little on the euuugh not quite side, because i rushed them or they feel SO niche that i'm self-conscious, but in general? i wrote it because i loved it. i hope other people can enjoy them half as much as i do.

i think most people have already been tagged? if you were missed in this though now's your chance to do the tag game. yes i am speaking to you directly. i don't even need to tag you.

[yzkhr]

Third installment of the Love Language Miniseries

It might be OOC so please bear with me

Dedicated to the one who gave me this wonderful yet painful series idea @meitanteisachi!

-

Words of Affirmation- You get a thrill from receiving compliments and unexpected praise. You like it when others say they care about you or appreciate having you in their lives. You love feeling understood and receiving recognition for a job well done.

Shinichi trusts Ran a lot. But having a recent 'misunderstanding' along with being busy with his detective work and texting an apology yet receiving a slur of misspelled sentences with only the words 'Sonoko' and the name of a specific bar being decipherable, he can't help but worry and overthink.

(The name 'Kazuha' was readable as well and it did lessen his panic, but the reassurance he felt was nothing compared to Sonoko and her constant tricks that worsened when they became adults.)

Reaching the said bar on Rans' text message, he rushes inside and immediately dislikes the smell of mixed alcohols and smoke everywhere. Face indifferent, he passes through the dancing crowd and went straight to where he deduces his girlfriend to be.

Knowing Ran, she's not someone to go wild in such a tight place, nor does she appreciate the smell of cigarettes all over the dance floor. She would be somewhere comfortable and quiet enough to converse with Sonoko and Kazuha. Shinichi can't think of a better spot than the bartenders' counter.

And he was right.

There she was, in the middle of a familiar drinking blonde on her left and a brown haired woman on her right, reclined in her stool and mouthing words to her left side. Despite her back being the only thing he can see from where he's standing, he recognized it in an instant, having been familiar from the sight since childhood (her iconic hairstyle also helped).

Walking a little closer to be heard and putting his hands into his pockets, he calls out. "Ran."

The girls, save from the gulping heiress who ignores him, turns around and express the same visage upon seeing him. Rans' expression instantly change however, as her wide eyes and agape mouth closes and curls up into a smile.

"Shinichi!"

She stands up from her seat and walks over to him in an odd unbalanced manner. On a closer inspection, Shinichi noticed how her cheeks flushed a rather more healthy red than normal.

Raising an eyebrow, he opens his mouth to scold but his prepared reprimands die on his throat as Ran hugs him instead of just standing in front of him, her slender hands wrapped around his neck slowly, her feet tiptoeing as she concluded she wasn't tall enough to reach Shinichis' height.

He instinctively backs away from the unexpected warmth and weight, flustered and confused. Ran didn't even gave him the time to recover, leaning her head into the crook of his neck and sniffing it as he felt her sigh, successfully making his mind blank.

"You smell nice." she whispers, letting out a giggle as if entertained at her out of nowhere compliment while he stands there, frozen and left with no words to respond. Even after five years of being together, her effect on him stays consistent and powerful, similar to their first meeting.

Fortunately, he was brought out of his reverie by a familiar—not in a good way— smell of rum mixed into her natural sweet odor. From that, everything clicked. Her red face, wobbly walking and unexpected behavior finally made sense to him.

"You're drunk." he deduces as he looks down at his girlfriend who avoided eye contact by looking sideways and pouting, confirming her guilty.

"Sorry Kudo-kun," he redirects his gaze at the source of the voice, finding an apologetic Tooyama Kazuha. " We're the ones that invited her here and as you can see," her eyes went to Ran briefly before going back to him and continues sheepishly, "We kinda got carried away."

He expected the answer. After all, Ran rarely drinks, much less get drunk. She'd only really go all out when there's an important celebration or a really big problem, like a certain misunderstanding that may or may have not happened between the two of them.

"It's fine." he acquits as his eyes looks at anywhere but Kazuhas' green ones, unsure of how to ask. "Umm, did Ran told you anything concerning? Like if there's a huge problem or something?"

The Osakan woman's eyes widened and suspiciously travelled to Ran as if asking for permission, who in return tightened her grip around his neck to bring him down a little. Kazuha now seems to have an answer, glancing back at him.

"Nope, Ran-chan said nothing like that at all." with the way she puts up a tight lipped smile, it was obvious she was lying. "Besides, if there is an issue like that, why don't you ask her? I'm sure she'd tell you."

He wants to disagree, being aware of Rans' nature to he very considerate that she might dismiss the topic. But Shinichi really isn't fond of the idea of pressuring his bestfriends' girlfriend, so he didn't say anything. Besides, Kazuha was right, if there was anyone to ask about what is wrong, it would be his girlfriend.

"Yeah, you're right." he laughs and attempts to change the topic, not wanting to make the atmosphere awkward. "Anyways, it's pretty late. Want me to take you guys home?"

The brunette shakes her head and looks from behind. Shinichi follows her gaze, only to find Sonoko still on the counter and talking to someone on the phone. Her voice is so loud that it can mildly be heard from where they're standing.

"No thanks, it seems Sonoko-chan is already calling Makoto-kun to pick her up."

"It seems so," he now looks back to her. "How about you?"

"No need," she pulls out her phone, showing him her private chat with Hattori. "The ahou already texted he's on his way."

"And besides," Kazuha sends him a teasing look and an amused smile. "Even if we didn't have our boyfriends picking us up, you'll still get your hands full."

As if on cue, Shinichi was reminded of his girlfriend who's still clinging on to him, her constant breathing on his ear enough to make him go red, as if he's the one intoxicated.

He silently agrees to Kazuhas' statement.

-

Ran insists on walking home instead of getting a taxi. He protested but after being presented with the same adorable pleading look she always used on him back when he was Conan;wide eyes, pouty lips, and blushing cheeks, he was really left with no choice.

Now, they tread across the empty streets of Beika with the moon illuminating the area, Shinichi makes sure that his girlfriend doesn't trip from her quivering steps, choosing to carry her on his back, her arms hanging loosely around his neck while his hand secured on her thighs, assuring of no fall. The night serves peaceful, accompanied by a comfortable silence.

Until he decided to break it.

"Hey Ran--" he starts, wanting to ask her about the 'problem' he wasn't sure they're having, but was cut off by her instead.

"Ne, Shinichi?" her voice is a bit slurred but with his proximity, he heard it just fine. She seemed to have timed it when he decided to speak, deliberately avoid the questioning from him, concluding that something is wrong. He wanted to ignore her distraction and push further, but with Rans' current condition, he gives up and lets her get away.

"Hmm?"

"Did it hurt?" he stops walking in confusion at such a sudden question, prompting him to face her as she wears an innocent smile.

"What hurt?" he asks, not getting the point. It took him a few seconds to catch on to what her 'innocent smile' and question means, and he isn't exactly happy at the conclusion he got.

"Please no," he exclaims as she looks at him expectantly, really wanting to continue. he complains. "Isn't this supposed to be the other way around?"

A glare is all it took for him to know she's not giving up. However, Shinichi isn't going to comply so easily either.

"Let me guess, when I fell from heaven?" he teases her, ahead of the supposed pick up line she's about to say.

Instead of being angry however, Rans' smile widens more than before, not looking as innocent. "No."

Eyebrows furrowing in confusion he asks, "What?"

"When you fell for me."

He stares in disbelief. He had never expected such a cheesy pick up line to be even more cheesier than it already is and it honestly impresses him(in a bad way). Meanwhile, Ran looks way too proud of herself, a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Okay, you win." he states rather dejectedly and continues walking, wishing his surrender to be the end of her drunk flirting.

If he were to be completely honest, Shinichi somewhat expected Ran to do something crazy and uncharacteristic, since it isn't the first time for her to be this intoxicated. The last time, she sang random songs with the most intangible lyrics he had ever heard, her drunk singing voice comparable to his normal one. This time it's the same, only now it's sappy pick up lines instead of crappy lyrics( he isn't sure which one is worse).

"Shinichi," she starts again, and it was cue for Shinichi to pick up his pace to get home faster, and he did. But Ran is stubborn. She calls his name on repeat way too many times, that he has to stop and finally decides to listen.

"Alright, let's hear it and quickly take you home to your apartment because I'm already tired of this." he yields, defeated and weary. On the other hand, Rans' expression is the complete opposite, too cheerful and energetic like neon lights on a dark room.

"You know why you're tired?"

"Yeah because of your pick up--"

"Because you've been running through my mind all day long." she breaks into a laugh as he stops functioning, wondering how his girlfriend can be so witty and stupid at the same time whenever she drinks a lot more than usual.

He ponders if Kaito has something to do it. After all, there is no one better and worse at flirting with words than he is. Rans' are tolerable but maybe it's because he loves her so much that he does appreciate them, but they're still pretty bad.

He deadpans at her still cackling form just to express his emotions. "You know, other people will call you an idiot if they know you're doing this."

She pauses, her turn to be confused. "Just other people? What will you call me then?"

"My idiot who's doing this."

Her reaction is instantaneous. Her face blossomed a shade of crimson as she coughs, too taken aback while he tilts inwards, smirking at having to get back at her antics.

"That's not fair!" she whines, throwing daggers at him as she cough a little more.

"You started it." he yawns, the night catching on to him.

He really thought it was the end of it, but Ran always proves him wrong as she started once again. "Yeah, being good looking must be sooo tiring."

He really is impressed at how her mind can processed a mundane action and turn into a bad and cheesy pick up line. But he didn't become friends with the worst flirt in the world for nothing. Clearly not accepting defeat, he decides to play along. "Then you must be exhausted."

Her face turns into a blushing mess either from embarrassment or frustration or maybe even from both.

"Shinichi!"

And that's what they did until they got home. He truly was worried that there was something bothering Ran, but from the way she conversed and flirted with him(even though he's sure it's the alcohol talking), he was confident that if there was a problem, it isn't as bad as he expects it to be.

-

After an hour of throwing trashy jokes at each other, they finally made it to her apartment. He grabs the key he got from her earlier and opens the door, going straight to the sofa to put down his girlfriend.

Ran looks tired, eyes constantly blinking as she takes off her shoes, slower than it's supposed to be. She flops down on the couch, ready to doze off. Making sure she won't fall off, he strides into the kitchen to get some water.

Going back in the living room with a glass, he now finds her sitting instead of her laid down position a minute ago. She's dazed, eyes dead set on the table across as her brows intensely furrow as if trying to figure something out.

"Here you go," he sits down beside her, offering the water. He watches her drink it languidly, attentive to her every move. After finishing and putting it back on the table with a thud, Ran stands up, a hand on her throat.

"What's wrong?" he asks as the panic becomes visible on her visage, eyes roaming everywhere.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," as if on signal, she makes a strained sound while Shinichi rushes her inside the bathroom, certain that Ran won't appreciate walking into her living room with vomit all around it.

Upon reaching the toilet, Shinichi lets her bend over it and finally lets out everything she ate and drank that day as he soothes her back, stroking it back and forth. He also holds her hair up just make sure it doesn't get in the way.

"Are you okay?" he tilts his head in confusion as she turns around now done with her task, eyes watering slightly.

"I'm hungry." he sighs, having predicted it. He isn't the best at cooking, but letting his girl cook for herself while still being a bit visually impaired and losing her self balance every now and then sounds like the worst decision he can make in this situation.

"Fine. I'll make you something." hearing such words, Ran wipes her tears and beams at him. He leads her out of the restroom, leaving her on the couch and heading to the kitchen to cook at least a soup just to quench her hunger.

A few minutes passed and he comes back to a yawning Ran, with a hot and steamy soup laying in his hands. She offers him a drowsy smile, and he gives a knowing one in return.

"Here," he places the bowl on the table in front her and Ran takes it leisurely. She takes a chunk of food and blows at it, in the hopes of lessening the heat. Satisfied, she puts it on her mouth and makes a noise, glancing at him.

"It tastes good!" he chuckles and shakes his head in disapproval. "Thanks but, I'm pretty sure it only taste like that because you're drunk."

He leans in the wall as he watches her consume the soup with gusto, making his heart swell. When Ran finally eats half of it, he speaks out.

"Seriously, what made you drink so much like that?" despite the high chance that she won't answer, he still gives it a try.

After hearing no response, the detective sighs and looks away, deciding to let it slide and thinks that he'll just try again tomorrow.

But it looks like that he doesn't have to.

"It's Shinichi's fault." she said it so casually and quietly, but it didn't get pass his ears. Shock at the fact that she replied and at the specific retort, he looks back and stares at her.

"Eh?"

"It was Sonoko's little dare," she finishes the rest of the food without care and continues, "She told me how you're always so indifferent and said to make you blush or whatever. But, you you were so busy with the case that I didn't even had the chance and just gave up."

He was left dumbfounded. The events three days ago went back to him in a flash. All of Ran's little glances, her stuttering words, and even her hold on him before he left after taking her home finally made sense.

'That Sonoko!' he twitches his eyebrow in annoyance. He really should've seen that coming. If there was anyone this world who could think such an idea, it would be none other than their childhood friend.

He attempts to talk, but she beats him to it.

"But, now that I think about it, I really dont mind Shinichi being busy like that," she's now looking at him, a smile plastered on her blushing face, sign of still being under the influence of the alcohol. "After all, I really love Shinichi's face whenever he solves a case. Shinichi's eyes always lights up, like it's alive and burning. As if seeing a world no one else knows."

"Whenever Shinichi solves a case, he helps a lot of people. And it's amazing to know, that tons of people are alive right now—because of Shinichi." she rambles on, calling his name too many times as if she's only talking to herself, like he isn't standing right there at all to listen.

Her voice, despite being slurred holds honesty in them that didn't make the current condition of his heart any better as he's hearing her compliment him.

"I guess that just means, that I really love Shinichi." she laughs at her own words, finding such a revelation amusing.

Meanwhile, Shinichi stands there having only two things in his mind; that Ran is really drunk, and that he's just glad the dare is over. Because if it wasn't, with the way he feels his face burning right now, he was sure Ran would've absolutely won it.