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biathediamond · 2 months

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k kids i'm far from a "fandom elder" or whatever but i've been around the block and i'm boutta educate you on how to handle drama of the "more serious" kind

and by more serious i don't mean wars over if a ship should be canon or not. I mean when figures in a fandom (content creator, artist, fanfiction author, popular blogger, etc.) are accused of something wrong. Such as when someone is accused of being racist, a rapist, etc.

This post is NOT to tell you what to do (i'm not your mother. or God.), but as someone who's seen SO MUCH of this go down (and continue to go down) I'm providing some tips on how to maximize your present and future comfort and safety when stuff like this goes down.

So without further ado, my personal guidelines to navigating these tricky situations:

#1. The "Touch Grass"

While feelings are always valid, they do not always require the same response. When someone is accused of something, taking a few minutes to put the accusation into perspective can really help your mindset and how you react.

Unfollowing/blocking people that make you upset is ALWAYS a recommended option, but oftentimes making a stir won't help anything. 9/10 in the drama I've seen, the situation would have been resolved if someone had calmly and rationally explained WHY something was offensive/hurtful and ways to avoid this in the future.

So yeah, always take a few minutes away from the drama to work through your own feelings.

#2. The "I Have Better Things to Do"

Simply put, while you're Touching Grass, you may realize that this shit is not worth your time and energy. Just like unfollowing/blocking is always an option, not posting about the situation is as well. You do not even have to have a trigger surrounding the subject matter because - and listen close:

No one ever has the right to demand your time, attention, money, or other support. Supporting victims is ALWAYS the right move but you should not injure or make yourself miserable "supporting" them in certain ways. And if they demand certain types of support and/or admonish you for refusing/being unable, then they are abusing your sympathy.

People will always be trying to rally you to one cause or another. But if you do not have the time, mental health, physical health, or financial status to participate, then don't. You are also valid for deciding that your attention and resources would help more somewhere else.

#3. The "Up the Street"

This one is specifically tailored for when something happens relatively close to you in your fandom: if this exact situation was happening with those neighbors you never talk to up the street, how would you react?

Well, if you personally witnessed something (they are on your street), and it would help the victim, then maybe you need to report it to the police. And - in EXTREMELY EXTREME SITUATIONS (like my neighbor is a convicted sex offender) - then you need to warn the other people on your street.

However, sometimes what you witnessed - or didn't. rumors are just rumors after all - is only good for a "bless their heart" session during the 4th of July bbq, or you just keep it to yourself. If you wouldn't accuse your neighbor of doing it with the evidence you have, then don't accuse strangers on the internet (who you would conceivably know less about than your neighbor)

This also goes for support. Don't extend to STRANGERS (who, once again, you only see what they claim) what you wouldn't extend to someone you know and see for any reason. Never EVER be a dick to any victim over drama, but sometimes they need to take steps themselves to get therapy/other help, and if they need help with those steps then you, a third party (usually audience member), are likely not even able to be that person for them.

Rounding back to #3., sometimes you are not supposed to be in charge of support. If you can do something that will ACTUALLY help (like reporting something to the police or extending sympathy), then do it, but know what's reasonable in this situation.*

#4. The "What If"

I wanna preface this section with this: NEVER attack or demand information from victims to "make up your mind." NEVER publicly shame or doubt victims. This is a HUGE part of the aforementioned "not being a dick" AND the "What If."

The "What If" is taking several minutes to seriously consider the consequences of your actions if things turn out differently than you think. As much as you think you might know everything, you do not. You never will. And before you give money or extend death threats or tear up your merch, you need to consider if you are being lied or manipulated.

As much as supporting and believing victims is important, there are people out there who will lie or blow situations out of proportion for attention or as revenge. Any action you take should be weighed against the possibility things aren't as they seem. Chances are the people involved directly in the drama aren't even going to see whatever you say, but everyone else will. And it will look very bad if you immediately start wishing death on someone who turns out to be innocent, or a victim themself.

However, this is "What If," not "If You're Wrong." You also need to consider how your actions will come across if the initial perceived victim is actually the victim and they are telling the truth. It will look equally bad if you blindly attacked the perceived victim because they "might" be wrong, or blindly supported the accused because they might be innocent.

It is always okay to say "i don't have enough information" if someone asks you for your opinion, and it is always okay to recognize that there is nothing you can do to help and stepping back from a situation for your own good.

#5. The "Cover Your Ass"

Basically, don't act in a way about this drama that you wouldn't want to see plastered on the front page of the news. And before you go "I'd be proud to see my righteous fury displayed for all to see!," please cycle back to "What If." A response of "i'm deeply disappointed that someone i looked up to acted in this way" is going to look good even if it comes out as a lie. "Kys" is never going to look good.

And no matter your feelings (once again, not your mother. or God), you should cover your ass legally (or at least for future profit). Let me remind you that death threats are still very, very illegal and that if someone kills themselves because you've been harassing them about it, you can be held accountable for their death. And believe me, I know the chance is slim that you'll have any lasting punishment, but do you really want to risk it? over someone who doesn't deserve your time or attention?

Not to mention the aforementioned fact that YOU DO NOT KNOW ALL THE FACTS. and telling someone to kill themselves when you don't have all the facts is just extra scummy (it's scummy in general). Never do it. Never do it anyway but this is just another reason why you never do it.

#6. The "This Kool-Aid Tastes Funny" (or just the Don't Cult)

When tensions get high, especially when someone is accused of doing something REALLY bad. And when this happens, people feel the pressure to do the "correct" thing... and this can escalate scarily fast and way way too far.

And anyone and everyone. Me, and you, and the guy at the auto shop can fall into a cult-like situation over ANYTHING. And it gets easier when you think you are taking a brave stand or "protecting" someone or doing the "right" thing. @furiousgoldfish has an AMAZING post on this topic so I'm going to direct you to them for a more in-depth look at this problem, but basically:

If you feel scared to express a different opinion, or are attacked for "not doing enough," then you should not be hanging around those people. Those people are not looking out for anything actually productive and healing.

#7. The "Ma'am I Am 12"*

I hate to break it to you but if you are a minor and you find yourself in this situation, and ESPECIALLY if you want to show support in a way that goes beyond a supportive and caring tweet, you need to get a trusted adult involved. This includes, but is not limited to: giving money, giving other kinds of gifts, or taking any action against the perpetrator.

your brain is not fully formed, and while adults do stupid, hurtful, and careless things all the time, give yourself a chance to not fuck things up before you're even 18. A trusted adult (recommended that they be a little more experienced than "just got out of school") will better be able to spot when you are being manipulated or scammed. They also will be able to help you find an appropriate response (if one is warranted).

For instance, when i ran into these kinds of situations as a young(er) person, a trusted adult was able to help me understand my anger/denial/grief and also help me find reputable ways to help the problem (for example, if the allegations were about domestic abuse, then donating to a shelter or other verifiable organization helps the problem (domestic violence) immediately in a way that ACTUALLY helps.)

A trusted adult should also be able to bap the phone out of your hand before you breach "Cover Your Ass" and do something you're REALLY gonna regret later (like telling someone to kill themself)

And lastly:

No adult should EVER ask a minor for help with a problem like abuse/rape/to gang up on their abuser. Even indirect asking (such as addressing a wide audience you are apart of) DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. If you want to help, get a trusted adult involved, other than that, it is not something you need to take upon yourself.

#8. The "Ma'am This is a Wendy's"

Tale as old as time: Someone who wrote a story/made art/made a movie/etc. you reblogged/retweeted/commented on/wrote fanfiction of turns out to be an asshole (the dick-ness ranges).

I'm not going to get into the whole "separating art from the artist" thing right here right now (not mom. or God.), but if people start harassing you for this innocent involvement (how in the world were you supposed to know??), then you need to block them immediately. This goes hand in hand with "Don't Cult."

You may decide to delete everything you ever did that relates to this awful person, or you may decide to keep it up. But you do not deserve to get bullied for it.

There is a time and place for activism. A 2 year old fic's comment section is not one of them.

Lastly, and most importantly: #9. The "If it Sucks, Hit da Bricks"

Leave. Just leave. Leave the conversation, the chat, the fandom circle, the fandom, the internet entirely. Hurting yourself will NEVER help a stranger on the internet (and if they demand it, they are SO far in the wrong). I don't care if you're 13 or 30, you and every other human on earth cannot bear the weight of every bad thing that happens in the world. And so, so many times there are more important things for you to take care of or that you can actually help with.

I know the feel, you see an injustice and you want it righted immediately. But subjecting yourself to doomscrolling or mindless yelling will do absolutely nothing.

Sometimes you have a few dollars to put towards a situation you see unfold online. Sometimes you need to focus on yourself or your cat or your family or a thousand other things. Both are equally valid. And you can do both without succumbing to the unhealthy rage of the internet.

Focus on what ACTUALLY is going to be the most helpful, productive, and healing and do that. If there's one thing I hope you take away from this post, it's that.

#there is a tenth guideline here but i'mma be honest #i don't think tumblr's ready for that one #no matter how true it is #anyway #i hope this helps someone

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