#i don't want to bear the complete responsibility of her memories. i don't want to be attached to a ghost. but i have no goddamn choice.

[zozo-01]

[stevesbipanic]

@steddieangstyaugust Day 8: Miscommunication

"I just don't know how to tell him, Robs."

Eddie didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he'd forgotten to grab a fresh towel before going to have a shower, he hadn't even known Steve was on the phone. But Steve had sounded worried talking and Eddie couldn't help himself, he always wanted to make sure his boyfriend was happy.

He couldn't hear what Robin said on the other line, but Steve's response was, "I don't want us to end up like my parents." Why would they end up like his parents? They were happy, weren't they?

Eddie had finished his tattoo apprenticeship, Steve was finishing college soon he was excited to start working in a school full-time, Eddie was seeing a bright future for them.

"I'm scared."

Scared? What was he scared of, of Eddie, their relationship?

Eddie couldn't listen to any more, moving quickly back to the bathroom, letting the water wash away his worries.

He tried not to think about it in the weeks that followed. Instead he focussed on work, on holding Steve close at night, on the sound of his voice, the shape of his smile. He wanted to commit it all to memory while he still could. Steve kept leaving in the afternoon, saying he was meeting up with Robin, which wasn't unusual but after that phone call Eddie couldn't help but worry.

It was a bad day at work that made it all come to a head. He'd had a girlfriend of a client come in and berate him for letting her boyfriend get a tattoo, his midday appointment went long and so he had to skip lunch and his car didn't start so his boss had to drop him home.

Steve is making dinner when he comes through the door, the radio is playing softly, the lights are turned low. Steve looks up and smiles at him and Eddie just breaks.

Steve's face quickly changes to one of concern as Eddie begins sobbing in their living room, quickly turning off the stove and taking Eddie's hands in his own.

"Eds, baby, what's wrong are you ok?"

Steve's voice is so soft, Eddie can't bear it. "I don't want to lose you," he cries into Steve's shoulder.

"Lose me? Eds, why would you lose me, I love you, just like you love me right?" Eddie's grip on Steve's fingers tighten, "I love you so much."

Steve pulls him closer, "Then why would you lose me? Did someone say something to you today?"

Eddie shakes his head, "I heard you on the phone to Robin, you said you had something to tell me, that you didn't want us to be like your parents, that you were scared."

Steve's eyes soften, "Eddie, love, you missed the most important part of that phone call." Eddie looked at him confused but Steve took a step back before bending down on one knee. That's when Eddie took in the rest of the room, the set table, the low lights really being candles, the fact that it was the 8th, their anniversary.

"Eds, I'm not just scared, I'm terrified, but you make me feel brave just because I know you love me. I don't want us to end up like my parents but every day you show me that we never will." Eddie is still crying, but for a completely different reason now.

"I do have something to tell you, I want to tell you that you're my person, my soulmate, my love and my future and most importantly I have something I want to ask you." Steve let go of one of Eddie's hands, reaching into his pocket pulling out a small box.

"I know we can't do it the legal way, but that has never really been your style anyway, so, Eddie Munson, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

Eddie hopes the kiss he pulls Steve into is enough of an answer but like any misunderstanding going forward, he thinks they can figure it out, together.

[vickyvicarious]

"For your mother's sake."

It hits so hard, on multiple levels. First, what this might mean for her. It's her final effort, the most impactful thing she says after religion, superstition, outright pleading on her knees and crying all fail. She knows that she can't stop him from going, but at the very least she will try her best to protect him as much as she can. She places the crucifix around his neck herself, doesn't just hand it to him.

Did she lose a child to Dracula in the past? Is she seeing echoes of her own son in Jonathan's face? Or perhaps there have been brave young men who tried to fight back against him, who deliberately went to the castle and never returned. Maybe Jonathan is the first person she's met who is actually trying to go there, and while she knows it can only end in his death, the idea of letting anyone go willingly to that evil place is more than she can bear. She's giving up a piece of her own protection. The Count has been sending letters to her husband; he was the one who suggested Jonathan stay here. He knows of her. If she shows any resistance it could mean greater danger for herself, and giving Jonathan her crucifix means losing a powerful totem of self-protection. If he actually listened to her warning, she can probably expect a terrible fate of her own; maybe even just giving him the crucifix alone would be enough to ensure that. But again, whether he reminds her of her own lost son or just because he doesn't know what he's getting himself into, she can't bear to do nothing. She places herself in the role of his mother here. "For my sake," she's saying, "let me do what little I can to save you. Please."

Jonathan is an orphan. We don't know the circumstances of his childhood, but it's possible that he never even knew his mother. (It's my headcanon.) Even if he did, she has been gone for a long time now. And yet these are the words he can't argue with in the end. He was already taking her seriously, and trying to treat her with respect. Her warnings were obviously distressing to him, but there's no way he can actually turn back now. His livelihood depends on this trip, he has no actual evidence to justify leaving, and he also wants so badly to live up to Mr. Hawkins' trust in him. He is already "thinking of his father" (or the closest he has) when he says he has to go to the castle. And yet, the care and fear and love this woman is showing for him hits so hard. I wonder if he is thinking of his actual mother when he accepts the crucifix. Whether the concept of her or an actual memory... Or maybe he too is placing her in the role of his mother here. Maybe, in keeping the crucifix (and not just with him, but around his neck where she placed it, even as he rides away) he is saying yes to that implicit request as well. "I'll let you care for me. I'll accept it gratefully." It's the first motherly care he has probably felt in many long years.

In this book, children are placed in terrible danger again and again, and most of the time they can't be saved. Parents and parental figures are equally doomed, leaving our heroes all orphaned in a sense, unable to rely on any greater source of wisdom or comfort. They have to take things into their own hands and deal with the problem alone, despite still being caught up in grief for what they've lost - a kind of coming of age in that sense. There's even a literal version of this happening with both Arthur and Jonathan (and Mina) specifically, when their father figures die and leave them with sudden new responsibilities. And of course, the inheritances from these father figures help in distinct and immensely useful ways, even as they remain absent from the story throughout. They haunt the margins at best until death steals them away completely, and their illnesses tend to serve to divide our heroes from one another when they needed to be united sooner. I personally don't count van Helsing as a father figure really, but if you do then he is the only one who manages to be around and be directly helpful (and even then, he's unable to save Lucy), even though all the fathers we hear from are loved and loving. But we do actually meet a few mothers, and they are usually unable to alter the story despite being more present. Their efforts to save their children are misdirected and only bring about their own death as well, in the end. Lucy's mother seems to mean well but everything she does directly makes everything harder; the mother at the castle later tries to avenge her child possibly against the wrong person, and in any case is unable to succeed. But here, the innkeeper's wife with her crucifix manages what no other mother does. Even though she assumes this to be another wasted effort (in fact, she can't bear to remain in the room with him afterwards; re: Dracula did such a good job with the hopelessness in her voice when she says the 'mother's sake' line), her assistance helps Jonathan to survive. His 'inheritance' from this momentary mother-figure isn't just the physical crucifix, though that is useful (and also the only inheritance a mother leaves for a child throughout the book, even when it would be expected and easy and make complete sense to do so, ahem). It's also the first and the most knowledgeable and the most effective aid given to a 'child' throughout the entire book.

[mt-oe]

OK, MIZU X VERY CLINGY READER?? like reader deadass will NOT let go of Mizu unless necessary and mizu will tease reader about it in a loving way. like just imagine reader snuggling on top of Mizu and resting their head on her abdomen and she just says something in a teasing voice like- “mm you just gonna keep holding onto me like that, love?” OH MY GODSOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE MY BRAIN SHUT UP PLS😭

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Hey dear!

Thank you so much for the very cute and sweet request <3 Finally, a reason to push my drunk reader agenda forward www

Also, sorry if this took longer than usual. Hospital wifi sucked and my draft didn't save ;; I had to re-write a whole chunk purely from memory.

Not sure what is considered as 'lightweight' or whatever since I never really thought of those things when I drink, so if it's too much or too little then..oopsies.

Hope you enjoy! Mwa mwa :*

warning/s: not proofread, short, mention of vomiting (mild), she/her for mizu, implied afab reader

It was already a few hours past midnight. Mizu was laying down on the couch, reading a random book she had found in the book store. 'The Honjin Murders' was the title. The cover looked cool and even had a knife on it, so it definitely got her attention. Because as much as she didn't want to judge a book by its cover, she's only human. We have our moments like that.

On her chest was her girlfriend, eyes closed, and cheeks flushed and warm. An occasional mumbling noise or a slurred-out random question like 'do you think I can fight a bear with my bare hands?' would come from you. Mizu wouldn't admit it but she was having the time of her life right now.

You had just gotten back from a girl's night out with your friends. A little way of catching up after a whole semester of not seeing each other. Akemi and the others invited her too, but she wasn't really a big fan of the effects alcohol had on her body and opted to stay at home.

Upon opening the door, the sight of your heavily flushed face, drunken unconscious smile and the disheveled appearance of Ise and the other girls greeted her. You all reeked of alcohol, heavy perfume, and a bit of tobacco. "Umm..girlfriend delivery..?" Akemi chimed awkwardly, sweat dropping at the miffed look on Mizu's face.

She narrowed her eyes in response to the little joke as her eyes landed on you. "I was hoping you'd bring her back conscious," she said in a low tone, making them laugh nervously. You were being held up by two of Akemi's friends, face heavily flushed, hair tossed out of the hairdo you put it in earlier, and your lipstick was replaced by a thin sheen of saliva. With a sigh, she gently wrapped her arms around you before picking you up bridal style, cringing at the smell of beer coming from you.

The moment you felt her warmth around your figure, you opened your eyes slowly, blinking the blurriness brought by intoxication off before letting out a grunt. She felt you tilt your head upwards, looking at her before furrowing your eyebrows together, finger raised up to poke at her chin. "Would youu...rather have...urgh..my nipples are rubbing against my bra."

Yep.

That was definitely her cue to bring you inside.

After bringing you in, the 'full caretaker girlfriend' mode in her brain switched on. She immediately helped you get dressed into something comfy, removed your makeup and did your skincare for you, and handed everything you said you needed even though you didn't need it. Hell, she even shoved her finger down your throat to help you vomit.

You were her little intoxicated princess tonight.

Once she was done helping you out, she completely expected you to go to sleep after. Little did she know that you've decided to be the clingy-type of drunk tonight. A small strangled-like gasp escaped her throat as you pulled her by the back of her collar, burying your face on her neck. "Nooooo don't go!" you cried against her skin.

She tried her best to get you to sleep, knowing full well that you were going to be the grouchiest hungover in the morning, but whatever she tried didn't work. Watching youtube videos, having a staring contest with you, playing slow songs. Now, she was stuck with you laying on her chest as she read her book.

"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" you asked her, speech still a bit slurred. Mizu raised an eyebrow at your odd question. Realistically, she knew she wouldn't, but reality didn't really matter when it comes to love. Only her girlfriend's happiness did.

She closed her book slightly to look down at you. Her breath hitched slightly as your glossy eyes looked back up at her, melting at the adorable sight. "Of course I would," she answered, giving your head a little pat.

"Liar," you huffed, closing your eyes as you nuzzled against her. "I see you step on worms all the time. You'd step on me too."

She huffed back at you with an amused smile. She could feel the pout in your voice. "I promise I wo—"

"It's okay," you cut her off with a drunken giggle. You looked back up at her, trying to lift your head but the remaining alcohol in your system allowed you to do so for a few seconds before you crashed back on to her chest. "I'd let you step on me."

Mizu rolled her eyes at your response. "You're very drunk. You know that?" she asked you, setting her book down on the carpet to pinch your cheek. "How did they even get you this drunk?" The playful exasperation was heavy in her voice.

You grinned at her, snuggling your face in between her breasts. "Well.." you trailed off, giggling a bit. "We haaad...Jager in a pretty preeeeeetty frozen little shot glass, then we washed that down with beer.."

A slight shiver went down her spine as she felt your hot breath against her collarbone. Her hands moving your hair to cool you off a bit. "Then..we had Cuervo. Then we tried this...this..cocktail that tasted like chocolate.."

"No wonder," she sighed, wrapping her arms around you. Although Mizu had admittedly had her fair share of bad experiences with drunks (mostly leading to fist fights), she had to admit, you were definitely the cutest one yet. "Next time, try to drink a bit more responsibly, okay?"

You shook your head at her words, wrapping your arms around her tighter. "I don't want to drink responsibly. I want my girlfriend," you whined, making her snort. You were definitely still too drunk for this conversation. "My girlfrieeeeend.."

"And who's your girlfriend? What's she like?" Maybe if she played along, she could finally get you to sleep. Blue eyes watched you sigh, melting into her arms with a dreamy smile. "My girlfriend is...my Mizu!" you answered, laughing slightly as your head rested against her breast.

She could feel your arms hold onto her tighter, weight pushing down against her's as you started to get a bit more excited. "She's the prettiest, coolest, grumpiest person ever..and she's mine!" you rambled, an amused laugh escaping her lips at your words. "H-Hey! Don't laugh!"

Mizu smiled at you apologetically as you continued to pout at her in drunken grumpiness. "Sorry, sorry. How 'bout we go to bed and take a nap so you can see her in the morning?" she asked, still playing along. "No! Dun' wanna!" you replied in a bratty tone, huffing once again. "You're staying with me!"

Your arms held on to her tighter, legs wrapping around her's almost possessively. "Mmm..So you're just going to keep holding on to me like that, love?" she said teasingly. At your nod, she chuckled and lifted you a bit higher so your head rested against the pillow, nestled near her neck.

Slowly, she felt your body relax, fingers releasing their grip on her shirt. The rhythm of your breathing becoming steadier, the depth increasing. Once again, she picked up her book and continued to read, wanting to pass a bit more time to make sure you were fast asleep.

However, while she was half into the book, you suddenly lifted your head again. She raised an eyebrow, a bit taken back at the sudden movement. "What is it, love?" she asked, getting ready to get whatever you needed just in case.

Your eyes blinked sleepily before you leaned your head down, planting a kiss on her lips. "G'night..I love youu," you mumbled with a soft little smile before crashing back onto the pillow. She blinked in both surprise and mild astonishment.

A goodnight kiss?

While drunk out of your wits?

Lord help her.

There was no way she could fight off a smile after that display. How did she score such a cute wife? Mizu had to take a few deep breaths to keep herself from laughing at how cute that was. Who cares if you woke up grumpy from your hangover? This was definitely worth it.

[princessanonymous]

When Night Comes

Platonic Yandere Vampire

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Story Chapter list

23. 𝓑𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓭 𝓦𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻

The night had been long and exhausting, but this mattered little to him. Now that he had brought his child back and turned her, everything was well. Shortly after her first feeding, (Y/n) had fallen unconscious, the exhaustion brought by her transformation finally taking over her.

As a coffin had yet to be made for her, the child had nowhere to rest.  She wasn't human anymore, a bed certainly wouldn't do. These things were too uncomfortable for greater beings like them. Dorian brought her to his own coffin and let her rest next to him for the time being.

Killian remained silent since (Y/n)'s transformation. He hadn’t uttered a single word since. His eyes lingered frequently on the youngling, but he presented a vacant expression, his mind adrift. Dorian didn't mind; he understood that, despite Killian's stoic exterior, the blonde vampire felt a sense of responsibility for the newly turned child. Now, he would have to think of (Y/n) before trying to leave. (Y/n) would now factor into both their lives, a reminder that Dorian intended to keep at the forefront of Killian's thoughts.

A heavy silence hung in the air, pregnant with tension as Killian's accusatory words sliced through the room like a dagger. His dark gaze bore into Dorian, carrying with it a weight of both anger and disappointment. 

"You should have left her. You never should have turned her," Killian stated firmly, his voice dripping with a foreboding darkness that resonated through the chamber.

Dorian couldn't suppress a growl of frustration that rumbled deep within his chest. He loved his companion, a bond that had been forged over countless years of shared experiences and challenges. Yet, their differing philosophies had always sparked discord. With a sarcastic hiss, he retorted, "Of course, Killian, you are absolutely right. I should have left her to wither away and crumble into the abyss of old age." The irony in his words was palpable, a thinly veiled mockery of Killian's unyielding principles.

The girl in question, still adjusting to her new existence, remained cradled in Dorian's arms, her eyes closed. Dorian hugged her tightly, his hands tenderly covering her ears in a protective gesture. He wished fervently that the newborn vampire didn't hear the words that had escaped Killian's lips, for in her eyes, he was the embodiment of virtue and goodness.

"I do not care how much you dislike this situation," Dorian sneered, the bitterness evident. "Rant and rave about it as much as you want, but don't you ever — and I mean it — say it in her presence again." The warning hung heavy in the air. “I was able to get my hands on a stake once and I will not hesitate to do it again, but this time– and I swear to all that is holy and unholy– I will make sure to complete the job.”

She didn't need to know the depth of the internal conflicts that had arisen within the very beings she would have to look up to for guidance. They were her guides, and Dorian intended to shield her from the shadows that lurked within their immortal souls.

⊱ ────── {⋆𖤐⋆} ────── ⊰

The night unfurled around (Y/n) as she awoke, grappling with the disorienting transition from a human world to the reality of her new existence. She emerged from the coffin, the memories of the nunnery, the massacres, and her transformation flooding back. She distantly realized she couldn’t feel any more pain in her leg.

The once mundane aspects of her surroundings now pulsed with life—the scents, sounds, tastes, and sensations overwhelmed her heightened senses. The onslaught of sensations became too much to bear. Blood pounded in her ears, her hands trembled, and her feet tingled. It was a whirlwind of clarity and chaos, leaving her desperate for reprieve.

She needed it to—

She gulped as her stomach churned. She felt as though a hand of ice had reached inside her chest, gripping her heart with a vice-like hold. She covered her ears, shutting out the cacophony threatening to engulf her. She just wanted it to stop.

Stop, stop, stopstop—

"(Y/n)," a voice, loud and grounding, called out to her. She winced in pain.

"Child, can you listen to me?" The voice, a lifeline amidst the turmoil, asked gently. Hesitant, she nodded, still overwhelmed and scared. "I want you to take three breaths with me. Can you do that?"

Hesitant but compliant, she followed his lead. Breathe in, breathe out—a rhythmic attempt to regain control. The creaking door and the aroma of food wafting from downstairs threatened to disrupt her focus.

"Breathe in... breathe out," he instructed, accentuating the motions. Slowly, through repetition, (Y/n) began to regain a semblance of calm. Trembling persisting, she clung to Killian, a strange calm intertwining with an unfamiliar sense of resentment.

As she followed his instructions, focusing on the simple act of breathing, the chaos within her began to subside, if only momentarily. The scent of food from downstairs, once a distraction, now mingled with the comforting presence. With each inhale and exhale, she felt herself slowly coming back to herself, the trembling lessening as a sense of control returned. Yet, beneath the calm facade, a knot of resentment twisted within her.

"I'm a monster," she confessed in a whisper, scorn lacing her words as tears traced down her face. "He made me into this."

Killian rolled circles in her back, a silent pillar of support. Dorian wasn't in the room, there was only her and the other vampire.

"I never wanted this," her voice cracked.

He enveloped her in a comforting embrace. "I know, child," he assured, his tone echoing the different emotions that enveloped them both.

The sound of approaching footsteps reached (Y/n)'s enhanced hearing moments before the door swung open. Her gaze, a defiant glare, met the vampire who entered. Despite Killian's protective arm around her shoulders, Dorian paid it no mind, smiling while cupping her face in his hand.

"How is my little fledgling tonight?" he asked in a singsong voice. "Show me your fangs, dear."

(Y/n) clenched her jaw and turned her head away in defiance. Dorian, undeterred, tightened his grip, forcing her to meet his gaze again. "Now, don't be—"

Instinctively, she bared her teeth and attempted to bite him, a surprising action even to herself. Dorian retracted his hand just in time to avoid it. Rather than anger, (Y/n) sensed amusement radiating from her sire, who rewarded her with a sharp grin, practically cackling in delight.

"Quite a feisty one, aren't you?" he commented gleefully. "Father is so proud." She glowered. "Freshen up; it is time to eat."

She left their room to go to her own quarters without a word. Anything to not be in direct contact with him. A maid had already prepared a bath for her and left, a fortunate occurrence. She was bloodied, her clothes stained by blood that had dried. The origin was unknown to her. Was it from Dorian, herself or even the nuns? She clenched her jaw, preferring not to think of that. 

She just wanted it all gone. With meticulous care, she lathered her hands with soap. She thought of Sister Gloria and of the pain she must have felt as her sire sank his fangs in her neck, draining her life force. Or maybe, as he sliced her open– or as he ripped her apart ruthlessly. Her mind buzzed, each possibility running through her head. She could still hear the screams, could still see the red. The same red covering her. As the soap bubbled between her fingers, she scrubbed furiously. It had to leave. Did he play with them before slaughtering them? Did he make them partake in his twisted version of hide and seek? Hiding until he found them and spilled all their life fluids across their haven? Was it the same fluid she had on herself now? She scrubbed, her nails digging into her skin with a desperate intensity. She needed it gone. Was that what she was forced to become now? Would her existence revolve around spilling all that blood? Would it be consumed by the red? She scrubbed, she could have missed–

Someone knocked. “Miss,” a soft, almost inaudible voice called, “the duke is requesting you.”

She looked down at the blood tainted water and stood up. She paused for an instant. With a sigh, she reached for the hand towel, her movements slow and hesitant. Once she finally dried and dressed herself, she was ready to go.

[rraaaannnn]

9.fuck you celine

Before Yn enters the room, she is surprised that there are no sounds inside the room, which makes her ask herself if they have already finished cleaning?

Yn opens the door quietly and there is no light in the room, making her search for turning on the light in the darkness that she previously used to turn on and off when she spent her time here.

You finally turn on the light to see a lot of people sleeping on top of each other randomly. It seems that they couldn't bear the day's fatigue of exercising and cleaning.

You feel a warm feeling that you have not felt for a long time, and what follows this warm feeling is the heat of pain after you remember your old team and what they were like.

Maybe you were cruel to them, no, you will make a memory for them forever

Yn wants to create a memory for them to enjoy even if they become strangers, as happened with her and her friends.

Because this tiring present will become a happy memory that will visit them in the future

You turn off the lights again, but you take the flash on your phone because it will not disturb the sleepers in the room, although the snoring of the sleepers is more annoying. You wish you could put the flash in their eyes, but it is enough. You must start easing them in, as they do their best.

She grabs a chalk and starts drawing on the board

Some time passed until you started to hear some talking. You put your chalk down to see if anyone woke up. It was Hanni talking in her sleep.

“Grumpy coach… I don't have little legs…” Hanni mumbles in her sleep. You smile again. Is she dreaming of you?

This is the third time this girl has made you smile without realizing it, but you control your smile. “I want… some eggs. I’m hungry-” Hanni stops talking and starts snoring, making you sure that she is completely asleep now.

Yn turns away from Hanni and for a moment forgets what yn came to do here, then looks at the blackboard and remembers to complete it

—

Summary: Somehow, Hanni and her group of friends, who major in music, are forced to join the soccer club at their college. Their coach is the former soccer club player, Lee Yn, who is known to be mean and scary. So Yn becomes responsible for their development in playing and winning the championship

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Taglist:@aeriigfs @drvirgus @sixflame438

[conostra]

Chainsaw Man, or: The Myth of Third-Party Consent

This is gonna be more a stream of consciousness than a properly-written piece btw. Love me some CSM and had some thoughts on the recent chapters

It finally happened! Denji got molested. Unfortunately, this is probably the absolute worst way bro could've got his first nut off. After a series of literal months of his life being sexually harassed, assaulted, manipulated by older women in his life, and then ultimately coming to the conclusion that his dick, as the embodiment of his sexuality, was his ultimate demon, and that the stick gotta go. Maybe the balls too. They make the testosterone, so they gotta be the problem, right? And Yoru offers to assist him, by cutting his dick off in the back alley between some nearby buildings. They go back there, he changes his mind, they argue over it for a bit, and then she forces her hands into his pants- Yoru, not Asa, forces herself into his pants. One tally on the "ummm, I don't think this is appropriate" score.

Tally two comes after she grabs his penis, and this is where the weirdness comes into play. She remembers as she grabs his dick that this is not, in fact, the first time that these two have "gotten intimate". The first time was Asa and him at his apartment, at her behest- before she was turned into a dog by Nayuta, and had her memories wiped. She remembers that they kissed, and leans in to kiss him again. Denji's face screams confusion, but ultimately, he accepts, leaning in to kiss as well after her second go at him. And she begins to jerk him off, to completion, and he finishes in her hands.

So, here we are. Denji finally got his nut off! But instead of celebrating, he slumps to the ground in the alley as Yoru cleans off her hands in a puddle. Her immediate first response is, at first calm, then panicked, to cut Denji off when he asks why they kissed to tell him that she only kissed him because it felt good. And absolutely no other reason. At all. And that she harbors no feelings for him. At all. In any way at all. In any way shape or form. And in fact, that any and all feelings that she felt or has only came from the "other her", Asa.

Way to clear things up, Yoru.

Asa bitch smacks the absolute fuck out of Yoru on her way out the alley, hurting both of themselves, punching and beating on herself even after she gets her body back, crying into the wall that she did, in fact, like Denji, and now he's just gonna think she's some slut cause she literally gave it up to him in a back alley.

And on the train, they both look like they've gone through shell-shock, and to varying degrees, they both have.

Asa was forced to become a rapist. Despite Yoru being the one to "act", it was her body, her hands, her feelings that were Yoru's own one and the same. She, to some degree in her own mind, bears enough of the responsibility here to feel shame on herself, not just if at all for what she did for Denji, but the age-old shame that all women, but especially women Asa's age are forced to bear for being at all sexual with another person, especially another young man like Denji. She's soiled herself, in her eyes, and Denji wouldn't want her. She holds no value to herself, as much as she thinks she holds to Denji.

There's a mix of other feelings in there, of course. Potentially, there is jealousy that Yoru was the one who used her body for the "real" kiss from Denji, that she was robbed of the opportunity to actually get to perform the acts of both love and intimacy that her body was puppeteered for. There is also more than just a small chance that Asa is too caught up in these mixed feelings in the moment to understand that what just happened to her AND Denji was nothing short of sexual assault by Yoru.

And this is almost definitely what happened to Denji. When he has been manipulated like this for the entirety of his life at this point, with no real autonomy or ownership over himself, starting as a young boy and ending with the collapse of Makima's reign over his life, Denji is almost used to these feelings. But when this... "thing"... happens with Yasa, this on-and-off relationship the two of them have shared over the past few months, his immediate concern is the one thing he's truly focused on when it came down to it for his relationships- Does Yasa really feel a way about him? Or did she, just like those before, simply use him?

First the mafia. They owned his body as a tool to pay off his father's debt. Then, Makima, and Himeno, and Reze, Power, and even Nayuta. Himeno used him to try to get off, then vomited in his mouth, then utilized him to try to get what she wanted from Aki. Sure, she became a friend, but only after nearly forcing herself onto the conflicted and young boy.

Reze, who claimed to have fallen in love with him, and wished to run away. Who helped teach Denji to do math, and read, and to play and think for himself, before ultimately revealing that the love had been staged, and that she was a powerful devil sent to either kidnap or execute him. She kills some of his friends, allies, whatever- and still, he wishes to run away with her. He hopes that, perhaps, although staged, the flower of love had still actually bloomed, and could grow even further were it planted somewhere else. And Reze, in fact, reveals that it could have blossomed even more beautifully- before being cut down at the stem by Makima.

Power is Denji's first real experience with the female body. And it's... not at all what Denji had it cracked up to be. First time bro copped a feel on a pair of titties, and not only were they padded, but he still didn't enjoy it nearly as much as he imagined he would. In fact, this was enough to get him to re-think his goals, and what it was he wanted out of life. It got him to almost remember...

And then Makima got her hooks back in him. She ruined not just his relationships with women, but people in general. Got him to kill Aki. Got him to kill Power. Got him to forget his initial dream, his dream to just find a girl to hang out with and play video games with, a girl to just fall asleep with in his arms. She might, in fact, be one of the primary reasons that his perversion went beyond just standard perversion. By making herself the object of his desire, she could shape his activity, shape the very desire itself. And she did- he needed a mother, and she gave him the idea of that and a lover in one, the shelter he needed through the girl he could fall asleep with. She made herself his goal, and dangled it, constantly. Every woman now compares to Makima, and now with every woman Denji must go through the same hoops.

One of those hoops being: "Do you really love me?" Not only if they truly love him, but if they love him. That they aren't still just there for chainsaw man. That they aren't still just there for his body, aren't there on some secret agenda, that they're there for him. And Asa? Denji enjoyed his time. And perhaps, Denji thought that Asa was there for him, even if she flip-flopped so hard. Even through her emotional issues and diabolical amounts of autism, she was fun to be around, and enjoyed the time she spent with him for him.

And here, stripped to his barest, literally slumped to the ground in an alleyway after being sexually taken advantage of more directly than any other time in his life, is the first girl who's really, truly, unabashedly brought enjoyment to his life in a way that Nayuta simply couldn't, there is- nothing. There is just the idea that, once again, Denji has been used and cast aside.

He's still reckoning with all that. The aspersion of his autonomy is already ingrained into who he is. There is no need for Denji to reconcile with being taken advantage of in the alley, because in order to do that, Denji must reconcile with his entire life. And I'm not even sure if Denji has the mental faculties to reconcile with the idea that this is an issue he has to deal with. Not even taking into account that one of his immediate stress responses is still, after all this time, putting his finger in his mouth, and thinking of Makima.

[wulfhalls]

(im just a movie fan) ik u dont ship them bc u think they could/should end up together lmao but, do u really think paul x jessica is the most plausible incest ship in dune? bc personally as someone whos only watched the movie, it seems like paul, even before everything goes down, has a sort of unease towards his mother and the bene gesserit ways she pushes onto him (idk if im reading it completely wrong, its been a while since ive seen the first movie). and the resentment only increases in the second movie in a way where i wonder if paul will be able to even speak to her without screaming at her in movie 3 lol. although they did have some INSANE chemistry dont get me wrong.

on the other hand, i feel like paul, from the movies at least, has some level of devotion with Leto, and leto obvi loves his son the most in the world. and ive also come across these book excerpts ppl have been posting, and it seems like the paul/leto relationship is even deeper in the books bc from the excerpts it seems that leto makes a point to confide in paul to prepare for dukedom, which is like a responsibility only those two can understand with each other. and then i remember an excerpt i saw where paul is the last memory that leto remembers before his death, which i thought heartbreakingly sweet (does paul gain that memory after taking the water of life?). Paul just loved him soo much the fact that hes starting the holy war bc some part of him just wants his father back its like insane and a lot. anyway idek what i'm saying anymore just that all the relationships in this story are great and rife with potential.

last sentence really sums it up! all relationship dynamics are deeply compelling here! I don't think this boils down to with which parent paul had the objectively "better" relationship with tho. for me pauljessica is more interesting because well first of all we just get more time with them. more time to explore that tension speaking strictly from a movie pov here (because in the books jessica giving leto a son is framed more as a decision made out of love that echos down the millennia even 5k years later and less stemming from her desire to bring forth the kwisatz haderach even tho it certainly is also an element at play) that mary/jesus imagery is just so potent! bearing a son u will lose to the world to his destiny but on purpose!! u did this to him! u made that choice! u wanted to bear the saviour and u did! but he's ur child and u love him u love him more than anything but his path is set and u did this and now what. u prepare him u train him u make him so he'll survive because he is urs and if the world burns? so what? as long as he is alive to rule over it does it matter? the way he was so tender and loving and protective of her pre water of life. that's his mother (and sister)!!!!! the only thing he has left of who he was!!!! his maker (in more sense than one)!! and having jessica emerge as this almost empty vessel for the other memory to flow through. to inhabit with only glimpses of what used to be his mother.......... delicious. he loves her he hates her she is his enemy his only respite his maker and his undoing. I love drama

[rekino2114]

Sara chidouin with a sacrifice reader

I apologize in advance for giving our favorite girl even more trauma

spoilers for your turn to die(go play it it's a fricking masterpiece)

Sara looked at the votes. For the first time in this game, she didn't look at the person with the most votes, but at you.

You were the sacrifice. she and the rest of the participants had figured it out during the discussion, that revelation completely broke her she couldn't bear losing another person to that damn card, especially you, her lover.

You had only received one vote, her own,a vote cast in desperation, in a moment of pure despair because she didn't know what to do. You hadn't even voted for yourself. Deep down, she knew you weren't going to sacrifice everyone else just to escape with her, but some part of her still had to try.

After the results of the voting, she immediately went to you.

"Why didn't you vote for yourself if you did, then we-"

"I'd much rather die here than be responsible for everyone else's death, and I know you would do the same"

"No, please, not you too not after Joe. I can't lose you too"

Before she could react to it, her purple eyes had tears in them, and she was hugging you very tightly

"Sara, I know how much you've been through, and I can't blame you for thinking this, but please promise me something"

She only nodded weakly as she sniffled

"Please don't become what midori wants you to be"

That caught her by surprise. She didn't expect this to be your last will

"You're a good person,no. You're much better than that. You managed to lead everyone in this death game despite everything, you want everyone to escape from here. And that's why I know the sara midori made me see,the one in all those other simulations is not you, she's not the sara I feel in love with"

She just continued to cry but started to understand what you wanted.

"Please promise me to continue to be this good and passionate to never be the selfish and manipulative person you aren't,because then my death won't be in vain"

Sara answered with a quiet and sad tone, but the determination in her voice was still as evident as ever

"Y-yes I promise I will continue to be like this for you and your memory. I promise I will get everyone out of here"

You hugged her tightly, too and smiled

"Good now I can go in peace"

You kissed her lips for the last time they were still as sweet as ever

"I love you sara never forget that"

Sara smiled, but her eyes were still full of tears, maybe because your words unknowingly mimicked the one of the Joe a.i. or maybe because they were the last ones she was gonna hear from you

"I love you too I will never forget you"

As the floormaster started your execution sara felt a resolve inside of her, even stronger then after Joe died.

She was going to get everyone out of here, that was a promise she made to herself and to you.

[carnallysm]

Something I Can Never Have.

This is an AU in which Will and JJ's sons don't exist, for context. This is also a more JJ-centric fanfic.

Beware of sensitive themes such as sh, s*icide mentions, internalized homophobia if you squint (that was the intention at least), etc.

— Summary: "After being kidnapped, something in JJ changed. It wasn't obvious to people around her, nor for herself.

Because something inside her has always been that way. A part of her from within that kept murmuring to her ear, whispering her fears, how she never deserved to keep on living after all that happened.

But hurting now, hurting herself is good. She's good at her job, she's good with Emily.

It's what she deserves."

Jennifer doesn't remember the day it started. She just remembers that, since everything was ruined because of her, since her kidnapping, those thoughts began to appear. Much more than any time before, as she couldn't deny she has thought about dying in the past.

It may run in the family, she thinks, given how her sister ended her own life.

But this was different. It wasn't about dying. It was about hurting.

She wanted, she needed to be hurt. Yet, for worse or for better, she was back now and far away from the pain. The comfort of her home at the BAU was family, but it hurt, every word, every thing they did for her.

It's a distant memory now, from months ago, when on a sleepless night she ran away from her home. From her memories. Everything just was too much. So she ran, and ran, and found herself lost.

She was afraid. Of what exactly, she wasn't sure.

Was she afraid of those people hurting her again? Or was she simply afraid of the possibility that she was hurting already without even the need of it?

For these months, she has been staying at Emily's house. Emily's presence was calming, and brought warmth to her. Her hands were soft and yet hardened and somewhat calloused by holding the gun. But JJ found that calming, too.

Emily and Jennifer shared more than just a job. It was a bond, different with what she had with the rest of the team.

Emily always complained about how selfless JJ was. About how good, hard-working, and responsible she was. She always said Jennifer needed a break. But broken she was.

Despite it all, Emily always held her hand when the noise and the lights and the cases were too much. She didn't need to meet any expectations when she was with her. She could... be. Whoever Jennifer was, she could be with Emily. She felt warm and happy and somehow complete by her side. And for a single moment, she thought it was okay.

It was okay to live, and it was okay to stay with her, and it was okay to be happy. She could be happy, for once.

Then the nightmares began to show up more frequently. The impulse to ran away from them, from Emily, was almost too much to bear. Because she ruined everything. Because she wasn't good enough.

She was shattered, and no one wants a broken doll.

Once Emily realizes what she is, she would not want her around anymore. And Jennifer wonders how she hasn't realized yet. That she's been, for her whole life, nothing but a puppet. Moving, with a brief ounce of hope for own will, but forever controlled by the past. She still is, even now. As much as JJ could pretend, a marionette is only that, nothing more and nothing less.

Unable to think of anything else, Jennifer wasn't feeling too well. Not like she usually does, anyway. But she was used to the emptiness. To the numbness. And somewhat, to the pain. Before everything started to become pointless, she was in agony. For years. So yes, she recognized the feeling. It was a mix of hopelessness and melancholy.

She wished things could be like they used to with her sister. It was too late. Always too late.

It's driving her insane. The fact that she doesn't deserve anything she has.

Jennifer should have died when she still could, she thought. Now she couldn't. Her mother, no matter what relationship they had (or rather, the lack of relationship) would be devastated. That's what she likes to think, at least. Her friends would be, too. And Emily wouldn't ever forget her if she decided to disappear. So she couldn't.

And it would be selfish, right? So she just can't. As much as she would like to.

She knows Emily loves her. That's the only certainty in her life right now. Because not even herself knows who she is. Given how she, herself, isn't even certain of her own existence, Emily is the only assurance JJ has. She loves her, too. Those feelings were hers alone, and were very much clear to her after some time.

And yet, it would be so much easier if Emily hated her. Because if Emily could hate her, then she would be lost forever, and could die peacefully. Without her, JJ is lost. Emily keeps saving her only to throw her to hell once her presence is not there anymore. Jennifer knows Emily is her own person, and has her own life.

She can't depend on her. She can't be saved by her. Not fixed, for that matter. Not all that, but she can be found, and she likes the feeling when she's with her. Like she belongs, finally, somewhere. Or to someone.

That's exactly why it would be easier. JJ wanted Emily to hate her. To leave her. To lose her. To hurt her. She needs to be hurt. She has been hurt her whole life.

She wants to hurt. To feel the pain she has been feeling since she has memories. To be honest, she hasn't that many memories, though. Her entire childhood is blurred, and she can only remember the fake smiles, the perfect grades, the perfect student and daughter she pretended to be.

She didn't act on those emotions right away, however. She ruminates on them instead, while it absorbs every part of her. At the end, she was meant to be nothing. Not a person, and much less someone who's loved. Because just how can anyone love something like Jennifer?

It's sickening. She's sickening.

She hates what she is, whatever it is. For hurting his mother, for not being good enough, for running away.

So she incorporates herself, sitting in the bed and just some inches away, Emily is sleeping next to her. And for a moment, she regrets it. Daring to think about leaving her. Because even something like JJ was able to love, and when JJ looked at her, her heart raced. She was happy. Yet again, all she wants is being hurt. And she wished Emily could hurt her.

How fucked up she was.

However, once she's hurt, things will be okay again. That's what she hopes for. The team won't know, Emily won't know, and she would take the pain she deserves. She can be good again. Or as close to good as a broken puppet like her could ever be. She can be good.

She has been good for some weeks now. Almost a month.

Even if she didn't remember exactly the day it finally happened, she was sure that something like that was bound to happen at some point. Hurting herself. Jennifer remembers that before coming up with cutting, she bit her nails and peeled off the skin of her lips. Because not hurting as much, it still hurt, and she could be good for some seconds at last.

What she still remembers is that the first time, it was once she went back to Emily's house. It was easy, actually. Far easier than she thought. Nearly disturbing.

Emily was focused on documents from the last case they had in her room. Jennifer thought it was the perfect moment. So she simply went to the kitchen, took the smaller knife, and locked herself in the bathroom.

But when she locks herself in the bathroom, she feels anxious. Fearful. She was back to the very same place in which she was held captive, the vet same place that detonated this.

And she couldn't let anyone discover this. Much less Emily. So she couldn't cut in her wrists, or anywhere as visible... Maybe her feet, or her shoulders. Any place is good as long as she can hurt. It was about hurting, not dying, after all. Jennifer still wanted to die, though. But she wasn't searching for that at the moment. She couldn't die, so at least she deserved to get hurt.

And as determined as she is about that, she was slightly scared to make the first cut. She isn't sure how deep the knife will go, or how much strength would she need to actually tear apart the skin. She has to do it, no matter how scared she could be.

She lets out a sigh, thinking how frustratingly pathetic she was, not being able to do what she had to do.

Taking some air again, she pressed the knife against the skin, deeper, deeper, deeper. She's still scared, but as the edge of the knife ripped the surface, she also feels good.

Once the blood starts to flow down, JJ curses herself for leaving her clothes on. Whatever. She just had to clean them up before Emily finished working.

She'll be okay now, this is what she should have been doing long ago. So she tries again.

She puts the blade just above her skin, and quickly makes the incision.

And it feels good, again.

It's terrifying how right it feels.

She does it. Again and again and again. She even experiments a bit; trying to not go as deep and slower, then deeper and faster. She tries in her ankles and in her shoulders.

Her head soon starts to feel dizzy, and for a single moment, she thought she overstepped the line. But nothing ever felt as right as this. She wasn't bleeding that much, so it was okay. She'll be okay. Everyone would be, too. This way, things will be better for everyone.

She was now back to Emily's house.

And things, in fact, went better. She was sure it was all because she finally was hurting the way she deserved.

She's happy when she's in pain.

But the pain fades away too soon.

Jennifer cuts, and just a few days after, she's cutting herself again. Once again, she says to herself, over and over. She cuts on top of previous cuts, as if she has lost all the blank canvas she had already. It's only that in that way, it'll hurt more. And that's what she needs.

She's happy. She really should have done this long, long ago.

But perhaps she's always has been, in a way. JJ has never been fully okay, fully happy, fully herself. Not that she is now, but she did feel like this is what she was meant to do.

"What's up with you so suddenly?" Emily asks one day.

JJ was kissing her face all up and down, her neck, her hands, her hair.

"I love you." She replies, burying her face on the space between Emily's shoulder and neck. "Is that bad?"

"No... Not at all. You're just being really affectionate lately."

"Are you happy?"

But Emily's body tenses a bit, and she becomes afraid. Things were good, she was good, so could it be that Emily wasn't?

"I mean, I'm happy, but... It's like you're still pretending. Like you're still hurting."

What?

No, she wasn't hurting. She hasn't, ever, been as good as she was being now. Her shoulders and ankles hurt, of course, but that was the point. Besides that, everything was alright now.

"Are you happy?" Emily asks in return, and Jennifer feels her face furrowing. She was. She was, and she had to say that, so why it was so hard?

"Yes." JJ finally speaks, her voice barely strained. "Yes, I am."

They became silent for some minutes, Jennifer still with her head in Emily's neck.

She felt nauseous.

Something wasn't right.

"Jen?"

Emily inquired with a worried tone, and she hated herself again. Why she always had to make the ones she loved worried? It wasn't worthy, caring for her.

JJ didn't mutter a word when she suddenly stood up and ran to the bathroom.

"Jen?!" She heard Emily's voice calling for her, without knowing what to do.

But she couldn't mind that right now. She had to hurt. To hurt, hurt, hurt. Bleed more. Hurt more.

She locked the bathroom door, and took the single knife she hid in a certain spot.

Her cuts from some days ago weren't fully healed, not at all. Yet that didn't matter in the moment. Jennifer held the knife firmly in her hands, and started cutting her shoulders as she has done dozens times already.

There's relief in her mind.

This is what she needed, what she was worthy of. By no means was she an equal to them, to Emily. Thinking she could be happy with her was so, so utterly ridiculous. But she wanted to try, and for that, she had to do this.

She didn't realize when the blood started to spill, or when her pants stained with the blood going down from her shoulders. It was much more blood than she has seen in herself before.

Shit, JJ thinks to herself.

She forgot to get in the bathtub. Not only her pants and shirt were a pool of blood, the ground of the bathroom was too.

"JJ," She heard Emily's voice behind the door. "Are you okay?"

And she wasn't sure, not anymore. Hurting is what made her able to be good, and now it was taking away all the good she was, so she wasn't sure what was good anymore. If she ever was.

"I'm okay!" Jennifer yells through the door. "Just a little nauseous." To some extent, she wasn't lying. She was nauseous. So hopefully, Emily would leave her alone in this. She didn't had to know. Emily didn't had to worry or care for her.

"Are you... Are you sure?" JJ could notice the tone of pure sadness in her voice. "I'm here. If you need me."

She couldn't speak, and as she kept cutting, now her thighs, she knew Emily was still there. Waiting for her. Calling for her. Concerned about what could be going on with her.

"Jen... Tell me, please. What's going on?"

She felt dizzy. JJ felt all the blood coming and she could feel practically drowning in it, though she was aware that was stupid and impossible.

"I'm okay..." Jennifer spoke, with her voice barely audible. "Just give me some minutes."

There was no response until actually some minutes after, or so she thought, it could have been hours. She was so, so tired.

"Jennifer, open the door."

Why not? Everything in her was wrong since she was born. Her mere existence was a ruin. So it didn't matter.

She stood up from the floor, about to fall again because of the blood in her feet, but she maintained the balance somehow.

She opened the door, immediately seeing Emily in front of her. In just some instants, her face twisted in terror, and she thought it was normal, because she was horrible. Just after that, it became sad. Sorrowful.

She could no longer maintain balance, and at some point fell to the floor again.

"JJ...!" Emily breathed with dejection in her tone.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry."

Why was she apologizing for? JJ couldn't grasp that at all, but she knew she made Emily sad. Perhaps she was sorry for existing.

"You're not, I knew something was wrong!"

But what was so wrong about this?

"When?" Emily asked, holding her face with both her hands. "When this started?"

"A month ago, I guess... Since I was happy."

"Happy? What about this is happy?!" Emily yelled at her, only to try to hug her some seconds after, but she then became aware of Jennifer's bleeding cuts in her upper body.

"I'll call an ambulance."

Why, she was about to ask, but her voice didn't come out any longer.

"Stay with me, JJ."

That was the last thing she heard after losing her consciousness.

---

When she woke up, all she saw was a white ceiling, a big window at her left, and Emily sleeping in a chair on her right.

Seeing Emily there, JJ was happy for waking up. For being alive, still.

Maybe it's worth waking up, for her.

After she woke up, things are a blur of doctors coming and going, and she being said she needed a therapist. JJ has never been in therapy before, and truth be told, she was scared. She felt unnatural.

Normal people don't need therapy, she says.

Normal people don't cut themselves, Jennifer, the doctor replies.

So what? Normal people do fucked up things, too, so what if she does some as well? That made her even more abnormal?

"You'll also be seeing a psychiatrist." The doctor spoke, looking across some papers in his hands.

"Why?"

"For your physical and mental health."

JJ made a face that was between annoyed and petrified. Mental health, huh. So she wasn't normal, after all.

"It may help..." Emily says, quietly.

"It's settled. But this would be for nothing if you don't try, Jennifer."

But she was trying — so, so hard, that it hurt. Everything hurts. She just wanted to hurt more, and more, so she could get what she was worth of.

Jennifer doesn't know what to expect from now on. But trying something not hurtful sounds like wasting time. Yet, when she looks at Emily's saddened expression, the thought that it may be worth it reappears.

That maybe she deserves happiness, too.

[pumpkinfreak]

Watching Hannibal for the first time S2E7-E8

Episode 7

Will is free everybody, but given his mental state, maybe he should stay in prison. The boy is unwell, justifiably so. Miriam Lass, now equipped with a cool robot arm, also not doing well. However is still training with the FBI, after two years of psychological torment from Hannibal. We love a motivated queen.

Jack really shows up in this episode, before Will even leaves the asylum property. and is all like, "We're still friends right... Pookie bear come home the kids miss you." and Will still goes to the cabin where they found Miriam. Granted it is not for Jack, it's so he can catch Hannibal, and after sniffing around the Love Shack, Will diagnoses Hannibal as just being a whimsical little guy. He's just a theatrical little scamp. Where you see a living person Hannibal sees an art exhibit.

(Headcanon: Hannibal is a fan of Marina Abramovic.)

Anyway, Jack is now leaning toward Hannibal, maybe being the Ripper, especially after talking with Will. The Sassy Science boys even find a fingerprint that matches Hannibal's on a flower petal. Hey, you know who else fits the profile of the Ripper.

Now, they are correct, that being said. You find a fingerprint of the man, YOUR BEST GUY, has been pointing to for weeks, and just go "Know what? This other guy is also pretty whimsical." I won't completely fault them for this because Chiton on paper looks suspicious, especially considering his own unethical practice of implanting memories in people. Ignoring that...Chilton goes home and finds Gideon's body in his guest room.

Hannibal was clearly keeping Gideon alive, and sclicing pieces of him off like a leftover Christmas ham. I just feel the need to clarify that.

Chilton books it, but, Hannibal is already in the house. In his plastic murder suit. On top of this, there are two FBI agents outside, waiting for Chilton. Hannibal proceeds to knock out Chilton and super-murder the two agents. He then dips, leaving Chilton to hang with three dead bodies. Just like a goofy whimsical guy would.

Chilton is taken in for questioning, and Miriam freaks out, Is convinced this is the Ripper right in front of her and shoots him in the face.

...Oh also, Will tries to kill Hannibal, decides not to do that, but does want to continue seeing Hannibal for his therapy.

Because these two girls like to play 4D chess. Personally, I started eating the game pieces long ago and probably would have shot the bastard. But who am I to question art.

Side note. There's a moment between Alana and Will, and she's all mad that he tried to murder Hannibal from prison. Will's response is "Girl... ya boyfriend Eats people...please do not talk to me or my dogs ever again." He didn't say it out loud but I saw it in his eyes.

Ep 8

The fact that this GIF is not edited...and this was a real line from the show.

Now, I'm not a doctor or a veterinarian, but I don't think people go in horses. I am also fairly certain, that to put a person inside a horse would require breaking some bones. Then again, I eat chess pieces, so what do I know. We're gonna circle back to the horse incident first let's talk about Jack and Will

The episode opens with Jack and Will Ice fishing. Clearly, these too are talking about catching Hannibal. When I'm not busy shoving game pieces down my throat, I can catch on to obvious fishing metaphors. Isn't Jack's wife dying of cancer...could this conversation not happen over a phone call. Priorities Jack. Anyway, they take the fish to Hannibal, and he cooks them dinner. The way this man plates these fish is appalling an octopus is involved. Octopus and trout, how did it take these people so long to realize he's a lunatic.

They sit down to that horror show and have a little chit-chat about how their all friends, and Hannibal and Will are going to put the whole attempted murder behind them.

We also meet Margot Verger, of the Verger slaughterhouse, which is worth millions. She is justifiably traumatized because her brother Mason has been abusing her their whole lives. Abusing her in ways I won't describe here, but I trust you understand. Also, she is gay, and a woman, So her stupid dead sexist bigot father left everything to her brother because only straight people with penises can slaughter hogs.

Hannibal is her therapist, and she wants to murder her brother. Hannibal is very enthusiastic about that idea.

Also, her brother Mason, steals people's tears? and stirs them into his martinies? It is very silly and was certainly a choice the showrunners made.

Circling back to the horse thing. We meet Peter. A victim of a traumatic brain injury, who loves animals. Even though getting kicked by a horse was the reason for his injury. If anything bad happens to Peter I will rip this website asunder. DO NOT TOUCH HIM. So he did put a dead woman in a horse, to try and revive her. That is true. His social worker was murdering women and trying to blame Peter for it, but after Peter tells the police this. The social worker kills the horse that hurt Peter, just to be vindictive, before trying to murder Peter.

I WAS DEEPLY UPSET ABOUT THE HORSE DYING.

Anyway, Will and Hannibal show up, and as mentioned before, Peter has put his social worker in the horse. Will takes him aside to console him, and Peter confesses. He did not kill the guy before putting him in the horse...

This man... put another man. A LIVING GROWN ADULT MAN. Inside a horse. sewing him up inside. That man then bursts out of the horse, still alive, and where was Hannibal when all of this was happening.

Petting a sheep. In the barn. Just watching this man re-enact Alien. Even Hannibal seems to have a second of "Wow, this is happening" before telling the guy he would be better off in the horse. Will then storms back in and tries to kill the social worker but Hannibal stops him at the last second. Clearly impressed by Will's eagerness to kill.

...Seriously how big is a horse's womb...

On to the next episode

[sweetpea-sprite]

what even happens in cross worlds? I tried playing it but got overwhelmed really fast

god. so. so many things.

i record cross worlds' story and upload it to youtube so you can watch the actual thing over there if you want. however if you don't want to (understandable) here are my personal highlights

the main plot of the game is that you sign up for a beta test of a vr game but it turns out the company is actually just sending people to ni no kuni. they're doing this by taking your soul and putting it into the body of your soul mate, so they have two souls, and you get put in control - your soul mate's soul is dormant. eventually drippy takes them out of dormancy and you speak to them for a bit and after regaining their bearings they wish you luck and just hang out in there now. this is, admittedly, sick as hell

your soul mate's best friend and the drippy/lofty of this game, cluu (who i love. sorry to all cluu haters out there but he's my guy.) doesn't know you're a "player" (what the people who signed up for the beta are now called) until a few chapters in. i do wish they'd done more with this but when he finds out he's confused and horrified but eventually says you have the same goal as him so he wants to keep travelling with you anyway

there's this fun little found family dynamic between two players, varum (who in ichi no kuni was a no life gamer (his words.) and now in ni no kuni he's a fucking raccoon who leads a band of players who stick together to find solidarity (because they thought they were signing up for a game and now they are in a DIFFERENT WORLD AWAY FROM THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY)) and tariq (a player who is a middle schooler who joins varum's troupe. i just enjoy him.) i don't have much to say on them i just like them

ZERA. was a developer on the "game" who was the first ever tester on it and hasn't figured out a way to get home in TEN YEARS. she's been living in ni no kuni introducing ichi no kuni tech and trying her best to get home. she is ever so important to me. girl we will get you out of there

i literally completely forgot to mention edelian and envie who were rivals at the same magic academy and now edelian works for evermore's guard and envie is part of the main villains (who are working to break up evermore into separate nations i think...???? i can't actually remember.) yeah they're yuri

if cross worlds was good and more popular cyrus would be a tumblr sexyman. that's all i have to say on the matter

LUXERION!!! luxerion is my favourite character as he is an immortal world keeper (the world keepers are like. they keep the peace/balance of the world and there are five and they each have one of the elements assigned to them. also they're dragons) and he's the world keeper of light and he is responsible for the destruction of a kingdom and he would DO IT AGAIN!!!!! but he regrets that he had to because he found a child's pocket watch in the rubble and cast insight on it and saw the kid's memories and now he's kind of fucked up about it. also at one point he's like "i'd cast travel to take you to this place but i haven't been there since they relocated due to a recent flood :( sorry" and then you ask around for where this place is and the girl you talk to is like "are you talking about the great goldpaw flood from hundreds of years ago." i love you luxerion

god there's probably more i just can't think of it right now. the issue with cross worlds is that the story and characters are PRETTY GOOD. pissed off about it

[luvbugs-blog]

most ardently

this is inspired by the two proposal scenes in pride and prejudice 2005 (which is one of my comfort movie). a sort of enemies to lovers with shoto todoroki.

(disclaimer: these two scenes are not mine! they are just something i changed up a little for the purpose of this fic! and the characters do not belong to me! i do not want copywrite issues!)

no warnings! angst to fluff! (if you enjoy this, please give me recs on what to write next. i am SEVERLY suffering from writer's block)

also, the tinist bit of iida x ochako, one because i just saw the cutest tik tok shipping them, and two because, why not?

----------------------------------------

despite the party still raging on inside the dorms of class 3-A, you storm out of the building as fast as you could. you couldn't help but balk at the audacity of todoroki. it was pouring rain, but you didn't care. all you could think about was what midoriya accidentally spilled to you. how shoto had ruined your best friend's relationship, by warning off her beloved. then other memories of him started to bubble up, and soon, you were filled with rage. how he had constantly looked down on you, despite your cheerful attempts to get him to engage. how he always stood in the corner of the room at every party or get-together, looking around disdainfully, as if he wished he could be anywhere else. how, the first night you met him, he insulted your vanity, saying that your looks were not near pretty enough to tempt him, when he wasn't aware that you and your friend were in earshot.

making your way under some shelter, a few blocks from UA, you leaned against the wall, trying to catch your breath. in focusing on that, you do not notice a figure come up beside you.

when shoto clears his throat, you gasp, your mind going through thousands of explanations that could explain why your enemy has followed you. but before you can come up with any plausible choice, he speaks.

"l/n. i have struggled in vain and i can bear it no longer. these past months have been a torment. i came to this party with the single object of seeing you. i had to see you."

you stare at him in complete shock and confusion. what on earth is he getting at? but before you can voice any of these things, he continues on.

"i've fought against my better judgment, my family's expectation, the inferiority of your birth, my rank and circumstance,"

anger filled your gut once again as he spoke. well, your parents were no number one hero, but they were doing just fine with themselves! and even though you and your family weren't rich, it wasn't like you were poor! how dare he utter those words to you. and yet he continued.

"all those things, but i'm willing to put them aside and ask you to send my agony."

"i don't understand".

and before the last syllable falls off your lips, he utters "i love you."

he stares at you and steps closer. "most ardently." his voice shakes, and you feel so many different, contradicting emotions.

he swallows when you do not respond. "please do me the honor of accepting my hand."

there was a pause as you tried to recover yourself. finally you speak.

"todoroki, i appreciate the struggle you have been through, and i am very sorry to have caused you pain. believe me, it was unconsciously done."

his gaze hardens a bit. "is this your reply?"

"it is"

the rain continued pouring down around you.

"are you," he blinks. "are you laughing at me?"

"no" you respond sharply.

"are you rejecting me?"

you almost scoff, trying not to roll your eyes. "i'm sure that the feelings which have hindered your regard will help you in overcoming it."

his arms sway against his side for a bit, as if he wasn't expecting this response.

"might I ask why you rejected me with little hesitation? am i so repulsive?"

stalking up to him, you get in his face, pointing a finger at his chest. "i might as well ask why, with so clearly a motive of insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your better judgment?"

his eyes widened, and he tried to double back. "no, believe me, i didn't mean-"

but this time, you didn't give him a chance to finish. "and if i was so uncivil for you to be with, then there's your excuse for such mockery of my character, but i have other reasons to reject you, you know i have!"

"what reasons?" the fact that he actually seemed shocked about this made you even angrier. you take a step back and wipe your face, clearing the raindrops that stained it.

"do you think that anything might tempt me to accept the man who has ruined the happiness of a most beloved friend?"

he stared at you, his mouth agape. he gave no answer, so you pressed on. "do you deny it, todoroki?"

nothing.

again you ask, "do you deny it, shoto? that you separated a young couple who loved each other, exposing your friend to the same heartbreak you subjected my best friend too? that you allowed them such misery?"

"i do not deny it."

"how could you do that?"

"because i believed your friend to be indifferent."

you actually scoff this time. "indifferent?"

"i watched them most carefully, and realized his attachment was much deeper than hers," he managed to stutter out.

"that's because she's shy!"

"iida too is modest, and was persuaded that she didn't feel strongly for him"

"he was only persuaded because you suggested it!" you started to raise your voice, overwhelmed with the truth.

shoto scoffed and looked away. "i did it for his own good."

"OCHAKO BARELY REVEALS HER TRUE FEELINGS TO ME!" you try to calm yourself, but nothing was working. "i suppose you suspect that his fortune had some bearing on the matter?"

shoto inhales quickly. "no! i would never do your friend the dishonor. although it was suggested that dating him would be advantageous."

"did ochako give that impression?"

"no! it pains me to say this, but it was shown in the lack of propriety by your other friends."

"wow."

"so this is your opinion of me? thank you for explaining so fully," he spat, "perhaps these offenses might have been overlooked, if your pride had not been hurt-"

you almost laugh in his face. "my pride?"

"- by my honesty in admitting scruples about our relationship. could you really expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?"

"and those are the words of a gentleman? from the first moment i met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to be with!"

shoto recoils, as though he had been slapped. "forgive me for taking up so much of your time." he abruptly turns to leave, not noticing the tears in your eyes due to the matching ones in his.

after he was out of sight, you fall to the wet ground, sobbing.

over the next three months, the two of you barely speak. and over that time, you really reflect on your time together. you realize that your feelings about him ran deeper than you thought, and you often cried about what could have been. but your pride prevented you from doing anything about it. you tried to put on a happy face around your friends, but they knew.

one night, at another party, this one to celebrate the end of midterms, you think back bitterly to how the last party ended for you. but you couldn't be too upset, when you see ochaco and iida cuddling in the corner. you were so happy for your friend, and apparently, everyone else too, and the couple got berated by their classmates the rest of the evening. smiling to yourself, you look around the room, before you meet mismatched eyes which cause your smile to drop. feeling overcome with sadness, you walk out of the party again, not wanting to ruin the mood.

the stars were beautiful tonight, but it was a bit chilly for you to properly enjoy them. you sit on some random bench you come across, just thinking. then, across the street, you see someone emerge. standing up, you wave him over. "shoto!"

"what are you doing out here?"

"oh, i," you were too embarrassed to tell him the real reason. "i just needed some fresh air." he hums in response, and silence falls.

you look at him, in all his glory, with his mismatched hair flowing in the wind. you shiver, which he notices, and suddenly the air around you is warmer. you smile at him, and his blushes.

"thank you for the kindness you showed to ochako. i need to make amends with you immediately."

"you must know," he responds quietly, "surely, you must know it was all for you. i thought you hated me. but when i saw you looking at me at the party, i allowed myself to hope, which i scarcely did before. if your feelings are still what they were, tell me so at once. my affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me forever."

relishing in his words, you remain silent. so he continues.

"if your feelings however, have changed," he trailed off, so you look at him.

he looks as though he is gathering confidence before turning to you fully, looking you in the eye, and grabbing your hand. "i would have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul and i love… i love, i love you. i never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

tears fill your eyes as you launch yourself at him. he holds you close, and you whisper. "i love you as well." you look at him with a twinkle in your eye and tilt your head. "most ardently."

he laughs, and you envelope yourself in it. he turns your head to face him and presses a soft kiss to your lips, which you return without hesitation.

author's note: i'm a little conflicted with this. i didn't want to change up the wording, but now it sounds like he's actually proposing, and you guys are still supposed to be at UA, and when i did change up the wording, it just feels wrong? i also cut the first proposal a little short to get the story moving. i hope you can find it somewhere inside of you to forgive me.

... oh well, just imagine it all works out the way i wanted it to in my head. lol. love you all, and i hope you are all having a wonderful week!

[lamemaster]

This is for the ship event if u r still doing it.

I’m a shy introverted person, I am a dedicated aspiring author. I am a calm person, and it takes literally forever for me to get mad and when I do people who know me kinda get wary of me. I suffer from anxiety and long term hiccups. Where basically I have hiccup attacks, unstop hiccuping for a good while, especially when I’m emotionally stressed in any which way. I LOVE horses and the color purple, I also like to draw and read.

Thank you.

Hi, thanks for requesting! I hope you like my response.

Based on your sweet sweet personality and chill vibes I can't help but think of the most responsible of Finweans- 🫧Turgon🫧.

Just thinking of you guys makes me imagine a power couple. I cannot even imagine anything other than a dedicated married couple. Just so sweet. Trust Turgon to literally uproot any stressor that dares make you anxious. Your calm personality would help this king not die of the stress of running a secret kingdom.

Your ship dynamic is dun dun dun-There is just no way around this. Please help this elf have a peaceful moment.

(credit to the artist)

"My love, I am sure you had a reason," Turgon gently intervened, stopping your frantic pacing and leading you to a closed chaise. He spoke with a soothing, understanding tone. "People come and go. Nothing in Arda is resistant to change. Even the Valar had to bow to this law of the world."

His hands enveloped yours, and you tried your best to believe his words. But it was difficult. The loss of a friendship often hurt more profoundly than romantic heartbreak. You couldn't help but wonder why all the poems and tales were written about lovers when the estrangement of friends could hurt just as much, if not more.

"I truly did not mean to hurt her feelings. You know I would never do that, Turgon," you confessed, despite your best efforts to hold back the tears. "I don't want to be hated by her. I cannot bear that, Turgon."

Gods could be won over, lovers could reunite, but broken friendships seemed to carry the weight of the end of the world. You struggled to control the tremors that wracked your body, feeling your heart tearing itself apart. Once again, you had messed things up, unable to prevent it.

Encircling you in a warm hug, Turgon's strong arms enveloped you. "It cannot be all hate. Your friend cannot just remember the rough parts of your friendship," he assured you. "There will always be the presence of good that exists between you both. No memory is complete without both the good and the bad."

His fingers rubbed a comforting pattern on your back, and the vibrations of his voice began to make you feel sleepy. The exhaustion from the day weighed heavily on your eyelids.

"No one can ever hate you, melda," Turgon continued softly. "Now sleep and have some faith in the one who orchestrated the entire fate of your friendship. All will be well."

Turgon's reassuring voice lulled you into a peaceful slumber. While friendships might break and people could drift apart, you were willing to bear it as long as you had him by your side.

To all those who have experienced the pain of a fractured friendship, remember this: it wasn't your fault. Don't carry the weight of change as a burden. I hope this message brings you some solace.

[unseededtoast]

Rectify | Bucky Barnes

Part 1/37 | Part Two

Summary: I've lived every day for the past five years looking over my shoulder. I knew they'd come for me, it was inevitable. I was foolish to think I could outrun my past. It's followed me everywhere I go, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Never would I have anticipated that the shadows would lead me to the light.

Bucky Barnes x OC

Series Warnings: Discussion of human trafficking, alcohol consumption, graphic depictions of violence, sexual content, discussion of suicidal thoughts.

a/n: Hi everyone, thank you for checking this out, I appreciate any and all support! This series is also posted on Ao3 and Wattpad if you prefer those formats/platforms! This is a completed series, and it's going to take some time for me to transfer it to Tumblr, so please bear with me!

Memory is fragile. It can be corrupted, suppressed, removed from the subconscious. Memory is what makes us, us, in a way. One day when you're old memories are all you will have left, if you're lucky. Sometimes people aren't fortunate enough to retain those memories, be it from disease, or trauma, or deliberation.

I look at the clock hanging on the wall in my office and close my laptop with a soft click. Tucking the laptop between my torso and arm, I grab my keys so I can lock my office behind me. My heels click on the polished tile floor as I head to my next class, the last one of the day. I should be relieved that the day is almost over with, but this is the class I dread the most. The majority of the students seem uninterested and it's discouraging because I believe it's one of the most fascinating topics.

Fighting back the pessimistic thoughts, I walk into the classroom and start setting up the lecture powerpoint as the students file in and take their seats. It's a Friday afternoon and I already know I don't want to be here any longer than my students, it'll be a short lecture today. I walk to the center of the room and look at my students. Half are looking back with tired expressions, others are clicking their pen, and very few look like they actually want to be here. I lick my lips and shift my weight to one foot.

"So, who actually did the reading I assigned on Wednesday?" Maybe five of the thirty students raise their hand. I nod and pick on one of them,

"Can you tell me, Sarah, which part of the brain is responsible for memory?" Sarah was always the quiet one of the class, yet she's so brilliant. I wish she had more confidence in herself, I've been trying all semester to show her how smart she is; yet she continues to shy away.

"Um, I believe the part of the brain responsible for memory is the prefrontal cortex?" She states as a question. I know she's capable of a deeper answer, an answer more well-rounded than the other students can provide. I nod with a smile on my face,

"Yes, you're right, the prefrontal cortex is one of the parts associated with memory. Can you tell the class the specific part that's associated with episodic and recognition memory?" I know she knows this.

"Is it the hippocampus?" I nod once again and turn my attention to the rest of the students.

"The hippocampus is right. There are four main areas of the brain that are related to memory. As Sarah said, the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus are two. The others are the amygdala, which is related to fear and fear memories and the cerebellum, which deals with routines or procedural memories." The students still look bored and uninterested. I bite the inside of my cheek in frustration. Why did they bother signing up for this class if they're not going to pay attention? I take a deep breath and push that thought away, wanting to get through this class and go home to drink a glass of wine on my couch and watch trashy reality tv.

"Memory is fragile. It can be corrupted, suppressed, removed from the subconscious. Memory is what makes us, us, in a way. One day when you're old memories are all you will have left, if you're lucky. Sometimes people aren't fortunate enough to retain those memories, be it from disease, or trauma, or deliberation." I click to the next slide which shows a brain afflicted with Alzheimer's. I watch as some students jot down what I'm saying, the few who are paying attention.

"There's current research being done trying to figure out if Alzheimer's is reversible if caught early enough. Alzheimer's is unique because as you can see, the disease destroys the brain, and takes the memories along with it. Unfortunately, at this time, people diagnosed with Alzheimer's typically only live four to eight years after their diagnosis. But we remain hopeful that a cure, or treatment, is found. With advancing technology it is likely that within the next decade some answer will be discovered. As you may know, I have received funding in order to research the possibility of a treatment, and I'm still hoping that one or two students will join, it will be phenomenal experience to add onto your resumé. " I click to the next slide and see the back door of the classroom open. A man sits down in the corner seat, he looks too old to be a student, and he didn't bring anything with him. I turn my focus back to the class and lose my train of thought.

"Does anyone have any questions at this point?" I ask, not remembering what I was going to say next. Someone's hand goes up and I nod for them to ask their question.

"How likely do you think it is for someone to regain their memory after a traumatic experience?" One of my students ask and I see the man in the corner lean forward in his seat, he seems to be intensely listening. His presence is unnerving for no particular reason, but I don't want to seem rude if he's a faculty member or a potential research sponsor.

"Well, it may take some therapy and counseling to unearth the suppressed memories. Typically when people are introduced to a traumatic experience at a young age their subconscious tends to bury that memory in order to protect them. I can't say with absolute certainty that someone with suppressed memories can ever get them back. I'm not sure they would want to remember what their mind deemed unfitting. But it's also not entirely impossible, this is usually a case-by-case basis." I answer the question in what I hope was a satisfactory way. The student nods, and once again the man in the back stirs in his seat. My stomach twists with anxiety and I feel like my shirt's collar is choking me. I tug at the collar to get it away from my skin and decide class is over.

"Okay, well, I think I'm going to cut it short here. Please if you didn't already read what I had assigned on Wednesday, do it. It will be on the quiz." I say and walk over to the podium and grab my laptop.

I hope my anxiety is acting up, and the man is merely an observer or potential sponsor. Maybe I was under evaluation. If that's the case I surely failed. But something just isn't sitting right with me about the man. I make a direct line for my car, fumbling with my keys. My palms are sweaty and I just need to get home.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry? Got a hot date or something?" A voice calls out to me. I look up and see the man from class walking towards me, hands in his pockets. I swallow and try to force a smile, hiding any signs of being anxious about his presence.

"Actually, I'm just headed out to meet my husband. He's expecting me for dinner." I say with false confidence, hoping he doesn't see through my lie. He reaches my car, looks me up and down and raises an eyebrow. I don't think he bought what I was selling him.

"A husband? Hm, I guess they forgot to mention that part to me. But I digress, that was a very insightful lecture, professor Averina." My heart freezes on the spot and I feel like my blood is running cold. My name isn't on the outside of the lecture hall, he knows I'm lying about my marital status. I push the anxiety back and continue with the aura of false confidence.

"Thank you, I'm very passionate about my work. And if you don't mind me inquiring, were you asking around about me?" I question him, looking around the empty parking lot for anyone else but seeing nobody. I don't have a weapon on me and I'm not confident that this man is here for my wellbeing. He laughs and shakes his head,

"Oh no I wasn't asking around about you. Some old friends who haven't seen you in a while told me all about you and what you're up to these days. They're curious if you're enjoying your vacation abroad. They miss you, they sent me to see if you're okay. Oh, and they also wanted me to tell you that you've got a one way plane ticket with your name on it. Hope you still have a winter coat." I adjust the keys in my hand, the pointy end sticking out from my palm. I nod my head as he finishes speaking,

"Well, you can tell those old friends that I'm not going back, and I got rid of my winter coat." Quickly, I slash the man's face with the key. He grunts and holds his hand to his cheek where there's now a jagged bleeding line. His eyes go dark with anger, and I know I have to get out of here fast.

I get in my car hastily and weave through traffic, needing to get home quickly. Of course the traffic is congested when I don't have the luxury of time to wait. I know the man is likely behind me, I just don't know where. I need to get home and pack, I need to get out of here. I'm no longer safe. I continue pushing my way through the traffic and pull into my driveway with a small squeal. I leave my car running as I rush to the house. Flinging the front door open, I head straight for my bedroom and grab the book from my nightstand. I find a bag underneath my bed and stuff the book in there. Rapidly, I pull open some drawers and shove handfuls of clothes in there as well and swing the bag onto my shoulder as I turn to leave. As I turn into the living room I freeze in my tracks, my breath catches in my throat.

The man is standing in the main doorway of the house, angrily staring at me with blood dripping down his jaw. I drop the bag, knowing he's not going to let me leave here without a fight. He lunges at me and I dodge it, thankfully. He's being fueled by adrenaline and rage. I grab a lamp from an accent table nearby and smash it against his head, disorienting him. I shove past him, grab the bag and go to my kitchen to get a knife. This is the only way I'm getting out of here. The man comes back to his senses and follows me to the kitchen, where I'm pointing the knife at him.

"You can't kill me. You need me alive." My voice wavers as he wipes blood from the hole in his cheek and smiles sinisterly. My hands are shaking and I know I'm not intimidating to this man.

"We don't need you, we are way past that point. However, we need what you have to finish our newest project." He says and eyes my bag. Any leverage I thought I had is gone. He lunges at me again, and I unskillfully thrust the knife forward. His weight knocks me over as he dodges the attack and we're both on the kitchen floor. My eyes dart around for the knife that flew from my hands, I know I have to act fast. I fumble for the knife and manage to grip the wooden handle as the man grabs my calf and pulls me toward him.

I kick my feet frantically and he loses his grip on my leg. I use the momentum from my kick and manage to stand. As the man tries to rise to his feet, I kick his ribs which sends him right back to the floor. I use my foot to roll him over so his back flush against the floor. In the blink of an eye, the man pulls a gun on me as I plunge the knife into his chest, just below his sternum. It's surprisingly easy to cut through the flesh.

With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I pull the knife out of his chest and stab the man in the neck which sends blood spurting everywhere. I stumble back from the dying man and push the hair from my face as I turn and grab the bag that slid across the floor and run to my car.

The blood on my hands makes it difficult to grip my door handle and the steering wheel, it's being smeared over everything. With shaking hands and a racing mind I pull back out onto the road and know I've run out of options. There's only one place I can think of that can offer me the level of protection I need. As I speed towards the only chance of safety I have, my breathing becomes erratic and I hold back sobs.

I just killed a man, I plunged a knife into his jugular. I feel sickness rise in my throat but manage to choke it down. I'm not even sure that the traffic lights are green as I speed down the metropolitan roads, but I don't care I just need to reach safety.

[absolut-blue]

I'm sad about my family tonight which means I am going to talk about Blue's family at 1:30am on a work night.

When I first wrote Blue, his real big thing was his ex. He misses her, he cant get over her, he's so hurt by her cheating. Now it is so much less about her and more about his family. I just think that's much more important to him now. Instead of a girl, I think Blue cries at night when he's sober or when he's just that kind of drunk about his family.

He misses them so much and even though he could go to them, he feels so much like he can't. When he's coherent enough to care about his image he'll lie. He can't see them because they don't want him around. He won't see them because all they'll do is nag him about his lifestyle. Truthfully he just can't bear it. It's partially him feeling that he doesn't deserve to be around them anymore, and partially because it hurts so much to see them when they're so much older now, and he's this awful thing that he is. He also wants to avoid hurting them to a certain extent. I think he wants to piss them off, show him just a little bit of how much of a scumbag he is so they won't miss him. But he doesn't ever want to cause them pain.

Him missing them is even worse in any verse where he has memory powers (BNHA, BSD, etc.)

He's completely ruined his own memories so that he really believes he can't go back. He believes himself responsible for the death of a sibling and it's something he can't forgive himself for. He flat out refuses to face them. He may even have altered his memories to believe that they have told him they no longer wish to see him.