#i dont even know anyone who owns it

[hwaitham]

⸝⸝ ˙˳ ⑅ first piece of marginalia ( of many , hopefully :3 ) about eremite!al haitham && akademiya student!reader ♥︎ f!reader + not proofread + subtly implied trauma on both reader n haitham's end

you first meet the eremite who's to serve as your bodyguard throughout your research expedition on the day of your departure, at your designated meeting spot under the pavilion in pardis dhyai. its stone pillars cascade with vines of sumeru roses that shine a sweet lavender hue under the morning sun— one of which you've plucked and tucked into your hair earlier, leaning over the railing to gaze at your reflection in the pond and smile at the beauty of it.

(and a petal which has unknowingly slipped off and fallen to rest ever so delicately within the dip of your clavicle.)

“al haitham, yes? um, hello!” you greet the eremite as he walks into the pavilion with a quiet waver to your voice, bow respectfully, try to still the timid pitter-patters of your heart that only seem to worsen the longer you're in his presence.

because this man standing before you is large— tall, broad, as stunning as the pale blue moon. his upper body is strapped with tough sinew and yet his waist remains lean, torso mostly bare save for the pashmina shawl draped about his neck and the worn leather holster slung across his chest.

and he's silent. offering you only a small bow in return before giving you a quick once over, gait unhurried as he takes one, two long strides to stand by your side. it's an arduous task to bring yourself to look up at his face, but you do— lips parting in awe when you realise he's unlike any other desert eremite you've met before.

the trimmed red silk tied around his head shelters only one of his eyes.

how interesting, you think to yourself, for what you know of desert eremites is that they are convinced all things betray, even their own sight.

you bite your tongue to stop the questions that bubble and ebb at the forefront of your throat from tumbling past your lips, the innate scholarly need to learn and dissect and digest and know. a surprised little squeak escapes you instead when he turns his head and catches you staring, meeting your curious eyes with technicoloured cyan.

“is something the matter?”

“no, not at all! i'm sorry, i didn't mean to stare,” you flush hot under the intensity of his gaze, play with the flouncy sleeve of your blouse while you giggle nervously. you're unsure whether it's his size, or his beauty, or his quiet dominance that makes you feel much more shy than you'd like to feel, far too giddy— as if you're a little girl back in grade school.

“alright. shall we get going then? we're losing daylight with each second that passes.” al haitham holds a hand out in front of you, waiting expectantly.

you tilt your head in confusion and pout. what's he asking for? a tip? your hand?

“your bags?” he heaves a sigh, rests his other hand on his hip. you feel a hint of irritation in his words, and your heart wilts a little, “did you want me to carry them?”

“oh!” you exclaim in realisation before hoisting your travel bags further up your shoulders, force a reassuring smile on your lips. “it's okay, i couldn't possibly ask that of you. i can handle it myself, really!”

that couldn't be further from the truth, and al haitham sees right through it, with your shoulders hunched forward from the leaden weight of your bags slung atop them, the wince in your step as you walk towards the pathway, how you nearly topple over when you lose the slightest bit of balance.

“hey,” he pinches his brow, a certain roughness in his voice when he calls out to you that withers into something more gentle, tender after you turn to look at him. sweet and innocent and dewy-eyed. like a flower too frail, one whose stem may snap clean off if looked at the wrong way. “let me take them.”

al haitham doesn't allow you to protest, swiftly lifting your bags from your shoulders and holding onto them with ease, their weight nothing compared to what he's had to endure throughout the entirety of his life.

“it's my job to take care of you these next few weeks, and i intend to do it well.” he walks ahead of you, the longer mint strands of his hair swaying with the wind, the air around him lifting into something lighter— even if it's only by the most minute amount. “besides, you'll tip me generously if i do, won't you?"

his voice lilts mischievously, and you can only bring yourself to watch on in awe. nerves melting into excitement, cheeks warming not from timidness, but anticipation of what lies ahead in the next month— for your research, yes, but also for something closer to your heart.

a companion, a friend.

you smile a smile that reaches far past your eyes, bounding up to him with those clumsy fawn legs as you try to match his pace. two of your steps for one of his own. “of course i will, thank you so, so much! and i'll do my best to keep from making trouble for you— it'll make your job easier too, i hope!”

al haitham hesitates for a brief moment when you thank him so earnestly, so wholeheartedly, so unlike any of the other scholars he'd been commissioned to act as a guard for. with your smile so cloyingly sweet and your kindness so childishly naive, he can't help but feel a bit grim.

how much violence did it take for you to become this gentle?

the faintest of smiles— honeysuckle soft— curls up on his lips and he gives your head a single pat, sweeps the spare rose petal off of your clavicle, quietly wonders what he's gotten himself into by accepting this commission.

“silly girl. come, let's get going.”

[aphel1on]

not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.

xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.

i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.

it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.

[rapidhighway]

makes a sonic model from scratch for the 34954394th time

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,

if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."

i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,

i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason

[idolomantises]

there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities

[jattendschaton]

Why do you write tags like every artist is your best friend? It's creepy. You don't know these people but you are dumping on them like you are trying to tprove they are your best friends

Hmm. I have been trying to figure out a way to respond to this that would be satisfactory for a while now, but I'm not sure I'd ever be able to. I'm pretty sure I know which tags this is in regards to, and if the artist whose post it's on ever had an issue with them, I would absolutely delete my tags and not write them for their stuff anymore—I'm really not trying to make anyone uncomfortable or "prove" I'm friends with them

So, first of all, some (not a lot, but a few) of the artists I reblog with rambling tags are my friends. Personally, I think I write tags differently for people I know vs. people I don't, but I could see how that might just be a distinction I can make because I know myself that others might not get. I'm not trying to show off our friendship when I write tags for them, though? I'm just excited that someone I know and love created something cool and I use tag space as a way to feel that excitement. I don't really think about or expect other people to read them

For people I don't know/am not friends with, I basically think of tags as being my own space to write my thoughts. I know that artists can see tags, but that's a choice they're making. As in, they're not getting an email notification about it or something. So like, I would never write anything mean in the tags because I know lots of creators do look through their tags (and why would I do that anyway, I reblog stuff because I like it), but I'm not going to censor my enjoyment of something because if someone is looking through their tags, they 1) probably wouldn't mind seeing someone talk about their artwork and 2) came in there to see my thoughts on purpose. I didn't knock on their door or send them an email about it, I was just in my own space saying I liked something. I'm not trying to "dump" on them with my tags (and it would be a terrible method of doing so because I don't even know if they're going to see them) that's just not their function.

And, listen, no one is getting any benefit out of being friends with me (outside of, like, the intrinsic value of having friends). No one is really getting any strong benefit out of being reblogged by me. My reblog isn't going to put their artwork in front of a ton of new eyeballs, I don't have a lot of followers and my reach is pretty small. The only thing someone gets out of my reblog is some rambling compliments if they so choose to read them. It's not an attempt to seem like I'm better friends with people than I am, it's just me trying to put some value in the things I do.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

if you have some, do you have any headcannons for barnaby?

honestly! not really! i don't have hcs for any of the neighbors!

[stopgorepeat]

While we're all talking about Andhra being ace and Rue coming out extremely publicly can we talk about that beautiful moment. Immediately after Rue reveals their true form, Andhera goes to them, embraces them, which we know canonically is the most true demonstration of comfort and platonic affection in the unseelie court, and expresses sadness that they ever felt the need to hide as well as a reassurance that they are not alone.

The soft eyes and queer solidarity had me more choked up than anything yet. Oscar said it is always a dice role to come out, and is correct. But I hope everyone has their moment of terror in the face of being out balmed by the comfort of understanding and the validation of not being alone.

[theygender]

I love being T4T. My gf has been on estrogen for a couple weeks now and she's been having a rough time with her mood so I'm teaching her about the ancient art of soaking in a bubble bath with a little drink to sip while watching shows on your laptop

[neolxzr]

Literally a genuine question no ill intent

What do you like about Aira? As much as people are absolutely adamant Akira is projecting (I really don't think he is (I'm not saying Akira is innocent) I just think he's trying to address the prejudiced thoughts the average Japanese person will have on the Ainu) Aira's weird comments and behaviour to Hiiro have been there since day one. And I also think Aira being the one who says all this is because he's supposed to reflect the fans and the average Japanese fan probably isn't that educated on the Ainu + there can be a good few racist enstars fans...

I'm not trying to sound heated about this I'm just coming from a genuine place, what appeal is there in Aira?

Also, as much as the Aira fans are talking about blaming Akira, I feel like there should absolutely be a focus on Hiiro right now considering that comment was... yknow said to him. I just think we should actually be talking about the Amagis considering that comment was intended to discuss the Amagis and their culture and the discrimination they go through.

i had someone ask me a similar question once but not in the context of all thats happening currently so you can read that here if youre inclined

buuuut what made me like aira so much in the first place was honestly that his concept as a character is really funny. i made a post a long while back that went into the funny meta jokes that you could make using aira as a character before i really knew much about enstars at all. having a character in your idol series that loves idols and canonically reads fanfic about them is just a funny concept in general. and as i continued to read more he continued to be funny and annoying and endearing (his little mini interaction with midori comes to mind immediately. there is something wrong with him)

also i tend to gravitate towards characters that give me like. little sibling energy. i love having a favorite little guy to dote on

but afterwards what really drew me to him was the main story!! thermometry specifically comes to mind (ouuugh,,,,). his feature scout stories are also great and so is feather touch! i wont like. go into detail really cause my blog is covered in me talking about aira already

his dynamic with hiiro is one of my favorites too, especially in mainstory. their dynamic isnt JUST aira says shitty things to hiiro and thats it. their relationship develops really far to the point where aira admits that he needs hiiro as much as hiiro needs him. they're young and inexperienced and kind of codependent as they're trying to keep themselves from going under in a sort of cutthroat industry. i think thats really neat. their relationship is really sweet to me and aira is a great tsundere type of character. he regularly is shown to actually like hiiro a lot as mean as he can be to him sometimes i.e. here. and you know the whole holding hands thing (which they also fucked up in the climax story but Whatever)

theres also this. which i think about regularly. the hiiai shipping fuel is vast

and additionally i think aira has some really great relationships with other characters too, alkaloid especially. feather touch develops his relationship with tatsumi a lot and its one of my favorite aira moments. i couldnt find my screenshots for this one but basically aira gives tatsumi his unlocked phone (something VERY important to aira since hes a little screenager) and it shows tatsumi just how much aira trusts him and he realizes how important aira is as a friend to him. being someone with a history like him aira's friendship is sort of new to him and it helps them both grow

he loves his friends so so much and he’s had a positive impact on all of alkaloid. he is its heart after all

but in any case i'm not going to like, defend myself for liking aira. i am aware that the shitty stuff has been there from the start but i've said something similar in the past that was like. aira isn't real and he cannot take accountability for what he says. he's a character written by real people who doesn't have any control over how he acts. so i guess that's why when i think the writers write something i dont think he would do or say in my own personal aira opinion i can sort of brush it off as just bad writing.

and not in the sense that i dont recognize that enstars sucks, because it does. enstars can be terribly racist sometimes and not just when concerning aira, and thats important to talk about (i.e. the orient cards, the king of thieves cards, etc). but at the end of the day the most important thing to recognize is the people and company behind the game as well as the real people who play the game and are affected by it. and not like, the specific characters in the game. cause they didn't actually do anything or feel anything you know

[yuridovewing]

As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).

Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).

Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)

dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)

i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick

(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)

[computerchips]

Isn't it fucked up and evil that the best Artemis Fowl covers we've ever had got slapped with a permanent sticker about one of the worst adaptions ever made

[aq2003]

series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems

[smokeys-house]

.

[ladysophiebeckett]

marcela does a lot of cruel things throughout the series but i think her true moment of traditional telenovela villainy is that dinner she has with margarita and patricia, (the day betty gets made president) where she basically states 'yeah i know armando is still in love with her and i know beatriz is still in love with him but she believes everything in the letter and she has no way to disprove it. and armando has no witnesses to speak on his favor.'

and she's very smug about it:

in marcela's head she believes the only one she's really hurting by withholding this information is beatriz, how armando feels is not even much of an afterthought. marcela puts herself and her needs first. which is understandable. she has no incentive to help beatriz and why would she? she sees beatriz as the reason why her relationship with armando deteriorated even tho it's actually more complicated than that.

of course armando knows he doesn't have witnesses or anything to prove that in middle of everything he did truly fall in love with her and he's not going to ask anyone for help. mario offers to talk to her (tho not seriously) and even patricia says mario could tell betty the truth but marcela knows betty would never believe the author of the letter.

her only goal is to keep armando by her side. i dont know if she knows that she's hurting him or if she justifies her own actions as a consequence of his past actions towards her. or maybe its something she knows she's doing but doesn't care. (im gonna let the audience decide that bc im not even sure how i feel about that).

we see armando go through hell after betty disappears but when she returns he never once thinks to tell her about what exactly happened after she went away. he only says 'all the damage i did to myself' but never elaborates and betty never asks. it's deliberate that armando never tells her about his state of mind during that period of time bc he knows that to do so would be seen as a form of manipulation. that's not how you prove to someone that you've changed. and that's aside from him knowing that she would never believe him. (bc we know she wouldn't). he loves betty and although he's not yet at the point of truly understanding just how much pain and damage he's caused her, he would never want her to take him back bc she feels sorry for him.

meanwhile, way before the truth of the embargo happens, marcela tells him she would never survive him ending their engagement. that it would just as bad as when her parents died.

his face is immediately affected and she knows. she knows that the only way to keep him is through manipulation. and later on, participating in the act of withholding information that could help him, but again she doesn't see it as helping him. and never actually does. when she gives beatriz this information, it's actually in her attempt to save the company her father co founded. bc up until the last minute she was still holding out hope that betty's indifference to armando would push him back to her. not understanding that armando's changed indefinitely. he's not going to be manipulated by her again and he's not going to stoop to his past behaviors bc it never did him or anyone any good to begin with.

[vse-kar-vem]

why are we having queerbaiting discourse as a fandom in the year of our lord 2024 😭😭 we're just as bad as twitter oh my god