#i dont even remember why they were in that parking lot in the first place

[calocera]

here are all of the clowns i have!

the first is Elvira, she was the first clown i ever found! I got her out of a community shed at a park, shes so pretty i dont know why someone would give her up. the next is Sillabub, i dont remember where i found her, but she is a music box! She also moves a lot, shes very cheerful and likes to make noise even without being wound up. I'm not sure what song she plays sadly. to the right is Abiu, he was given to me by my dad, sadly the base broke and they sit a little uneven now, otherwise he's very pretty! I love his colors.

The pair are Twinkie and Cheese, my friend gave them to me at a pride parade in 2019, they are happily married. Cheese is stuffed with something very heavy, so hes my big strong man out of all of them. the middle is Unlucky Luke (also given to me by my friend who gave me Cheese and Twinkie!), hes unlucky because he is so big i can never find a good place to put him :( unfortunately he often ends up splayed on some surface or buried under blankets. right now hes living on the back of the couch. rhe right is a little boy i have not named despite having for years, nothing sticks. him and the doll dont separate, shes like a mom to him, he used to be very shy but he is slowly breaking out of it!

on the left is Bubble and Baths, idk which is which :p the middle two are unnamed fridge magnet friends, the pink one always flips upside down and i have to flip them back up when i remember. to the right is another pierrot i found a few months ago, he still needs a name! he is also a music box, he plays my favorite things from the sound of music

these are my two newest! to the left is a little jester on a stick, I still dont have a name for him. sadly he has rust stains idk how to remove. to the right is my brand new scaramouche who i just got today! the box claims he is a jack in the box but hes really just a music box, he plays the song greensleeves. he needs some hard cleaning but his box is pristine and sooo pretty. i looked him up and hes actually pretty rare! only about 7k of him were made in 1986

also the lifesized pierrot i now live with, i didnt know what to do with him after school so he came home with me

[maochira]

i want something different so can i get being bestfriends with otoya and karasu? i dont know why but i like the idea of being in a platonic relationship with them 😭 like theyre so cool and i want us to be called THE trio

OMG YES

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, some sort of high school AU I guess

-you became friends with Karasu and Otoya so fast, it was like one week into the school year and you were already known as "that one trio"

-teachers don't know if they dislike or like you because the three of you are CONSTANTLY messing around during class, but somehow get good grades and always know what to answer if asked. Also, your shenanigans never distract any of your classmates so technically you're fine

-especially Karasu always comes off as if he doesn't know any answers, so teachers are caught off guard whenever he has the right answers

-Karasu invites you and Otoya to his place basically every day. If you decline, he'll act as if he's offended so most of the time you give in and go along. Otoya doesn't always join, but often enough to a point where Karasu's parents already expect him to not get home all alone

-you try to do your homework and study together. Try to. One of you always goes "Hey guys do you remember when-" and then you talk for hours instead of doing school stuff

-gossiping and shittalking about the classmates you hate. A lot of it. Every day.

-Otoya has all your favourite snacks memorized and carries at least one of them with him all the time, just in case you get hungry. He either has a pack of your favourite chips in his back or your favourite chocolate bar in the pocket of his jacket

-not only are you known as "the trio" at school, but also in places you frequently go to like your favourite restaurant, bubble tea store and cafe. The workers there also know your regular orders

-at first, you weren't used to being so "known" because you've always been more of a background person, but being friends with Karasu automatically means everyone knows who you are quite quickly

-whenever you get bored and don't have any fun activities to do together, Otoya just suggests going to the nearby park to play soccer

-you suck at soccer but always agree to play with them because it's still a fun time. Although, Otoya and Karasu like to tease you about it. But sometimes they teach you cool moves and tricks that you still can't do even after lots of practising, but you still had fun so it doesn't matter if you fail

-if you get injured while playing soccer with them, at first they laugh at you for a moment, but they're quick to help you and always check if you're fine to continue playing and if you have any wounds that might need to be treated

[jils-things]

QUEEN MY HEART GOES TO ALL OF YOUR S/IS. but emme and game jaide have my heart so I'm asking 1, 5, 9 and 16 for any of those two beautiful chaos gods ladies 🐗

FOR YOU MY MAN i draw the og girlies 💥💥💥💥 MWA

1. what are the basics of your self insert? name, date of birth, height, etc.?

emerald, or emme for short, then jaide evergreen as you know! their heights tend to be the same for all of my inserts unless said other wise and all of them are 5'2-3 :3 now their birthdays - usually i just assume all of their birthdays to be the same as mine - february 16. but if you REALLY wanna know when they were made exactly, emme was made on november 19, 2022 (WHAT THE HELL) and jaide was made on february 9, 2023... emme is older by 3 months LMFAOOOO

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

ummm emme can swim to the seafoam islands no life tubes or shit 🙄🙄🙄 i thought you knew that /JJJ JOKES ASIDE i think emme's a pretty brave girl, but she's only brave because she doesn't recognize danger even if she's supposed to by instinct. that's probably why she didn't fear shinto in the first place! i totally see emme to be like ed from ed edd n eddy, she's just a chunk of brick that can't be swayed tbh unless it was glitchy because girlie likes him a bit too much PFPFPTT

jaide is a natural when it come to catching, i would also say she's really smart in reading pokemon psychological behavior (as opposed to jaide STONE. she reads emotions) (jaide studied for it. she was in school for some time unlike red and blue who just jumped straight into battling)

9. who are your self insert’s closest friends?

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING BUT EMME IS OBVIOUSLY CLOSE WITH THE CARTRIDGE GANG 💥💥 but if we gotta talk about the more canon side, grey is definitely her closest friend - mostly because grey kinda decided to follow her since she was brave enough to handle shinto by herself. i dont think emme has much friends?? (ouch) because she's a bit ... out there and i'd imagine a lot of people are kinda terrified of her but if you actually bother to befriend her she'd like you a whole lot! very compassionate even!

aside from red, blue and leaf (semi canon), jaide interacts with many professors across the region so she'd definitely be close with professor kukui and sonia! many of the professors are a bit too mature for her youthful personality but the aforementioned are totally flexible with anyone 💥 lyra (and kris?) too, thanks to ethan! i can totally see jaide having the most random ass connections just for a comedic bit where someone's like "jaide they know you???" (is probably someone high ranking) and she just winks eheeee yuh huh

16. freebie! name a fact about your self insert you want everyone to know.

PERFECT TIMING, BECAUSE THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO SAY HERE.

EMME IS A RANGER. I'VE CONFIRMED IT, YES. I ONLY REALIZED RECENTLY THAT RANGERS ARE THE PERFECT DESCRIPTION FOR HER. they're almost like a police equivalent and remember how i'd say she's the type to help look for missing 'mons? yuh. we will expand on the ranger concept from here on out now!!!!

i've always imagined jaide if she was in the games - she acted like your rival except she's your sister and she follows ethan around to tip him and give him necessary things (and maybe is the one to deliver whatever their mom buys using ethan's money PFPFPTT) and you'd have those single battles with her and she would continuously grow to be more proud of ethan, and does meet him moments before the elite 4 heheh maybe there's a sequence where they bond at the national park wiwiwiw yk sibling things sibling things... ate jaide on the way.... <333

[wisdominfumbling]

Nothing is a waste of time.

Throughout my whole life having friends has been an easy task to acomplish, I don´t think my parents were ever worried about me not making any friends at school, parks or any other social activity.

I remember being a child and playing with lots of kids at the park but as soon as I went to my parents side and they asked me about them i would completely forget about my new friends, no name, no age, no gender. I just could not retain that information which is not bad at all if you´re a kid. But to that and to being able to make friends easy i believe I never stressed about keeping and mainteining the friendship since I could always make new friends. (my dad alwasy told me that i should never stress about that, not with friends and even more with boyfriends, he says we are all replasable).

As I was growing up I had two very close friends, I won´t be saying names but we will call them A and B. I first met A when I was about 4/5 at kindergarden and then I met B technically in 1st grade but we started talking in 7th grade, I introduced B to A and then we were ABC, the trio. But as time went by I realized that A and B were getting closer and closer and I was being slowly pushed away, Okay maybe Im imagining things.. thats what my mom told me. I wasn´t.

To make long story short, A and B became besties and left me aside, and I could not tell you how much that hurt, suddenly i was alone doing homework and groupwork, I was never invited to the movies, to eat, to just hangout. A couple years ago and many discussions with them later I decided to leave them. Im better off alone, but I knew it was gonna be hard to not have anyone that knew me, that i could tell anything.

With time and maturing i have found friends that are actually worth it, but im always scared to be left alone again (it hasnt happened, they always include me) I dont know where im getting this with but im just trying to say that sometimes youre with people that are not the right fit for you and then you actually find your people, but i wouldnt want you to think that being friends with them in the first place was a waste of time, nothing is a waste of time.

All of those memories and experiences are what made you the person you are today, same thing goes with relationships, you met that person for a reason, good or bad it doesnt matter but it help you grow as a person. I do not regret all those years of friendship and the bad moments i lived with A and B, at the end of the day they help me recognize what qualities I want and dont want in future friendships. and thanks to that now i have amazing friends that actually care about me and that if i ever need help i know they will be there for me, even some exes would too.

Thats why i always say that you should love deeply, feel everything deeply. thats how you know youre alive and enjoying life. Aging is a blessing that many don´t get to experience.

[justanotherblogger]

A World Without Him

Chapter 9

(TW a lot of blood, slight suicidal thoughts, and unsettling imagery)

Tang knew he was no longer in his bed. The calm darkness was replaced with an atmosphere of suffocation: like if he were to move even an inch, he would trigger something to happen. Everything just felt wrong.

He already knew this wouldn't end well for him. Every time he ended up in this dreamlike state, it always ended up in him getting dragged some way or another. He didn't think he could handle something like that again. Not right now.

But he also knew whatever was in store for him would always begin eventually; no matter what he did, something always happened to him. So, he decided instead of sitting still with his eyes closed like a sitting duck, he would try to figure out where he was first, at least.

So then, he slowly opened his eyes to a strikingly blank room. A very different start to most of his dreams. A steril, white space greeted him; the room had no windows and yellow fluorescent lights. The bland seats and decor didn't take away from the emptiness he felt from this place.

The room felt suffocating. He didn't know if he could keep still. He couldn't breathe.

Suddenly, a door opened to his right, and a tall man with a white coat walked out steddily. His footsteps were silent, and his badge was weirdly in focus with the letters MSH spread across its side in golden ink. Was there a door there before? I didn't think...

But before he could continue his train of thought, the doctor(?) spoke to him curtly. "I'm afraid he had lost too much blood. We couldn't find the rest of his leg, so we couldn't even try reattachment without a donor. We tried our best to keep him stable, but we weren't able to save him." The voice was muffled: as if it were underwater.

"...What?" Tang asked hesitantly. He really didn't know what he's doing here in the first place. Also, he didn't even know anyone who was in the hospital to dream about! The last thing he remembers was his quiet walk to the library and...

Barely anything had happened after that, with the norm of setting up shop at the library, and then lounging around with a few people checking out the occasional book. Everything was fine! The last thing he even remembered from work was rambling and sharing comics with... Allan.

Allan, Allan.... what happened? I dont know why I keep thinking about him...

Something horrible suddenly hit Tang's nose, causing him to cough a few times. A sickening smell of copper and rot started coming from the door. He shot his head towards the source and saw how it was now mangled and covered in red splotches. Blood gushed out from under it as the crimson liquid encompassed the entire checkered floor.

Tang was all but frozen in place as all he could do was stare in horror. Then everything came rushing back like a punch to the gut. Blood had slowly dripped down onto the parking lot and stained its path a striking red. The blank look in his eyes as he was rolled away to who knows where-

Oh my god, ALLAN!

Tang then sprung out of his chair and rushed past where the doctor used to be, splashing the red onto his pant legs as he ran without care. As soon as he made it to the rotting door, he slammed it open and saw many nurses standing eerily still, parting for him and making a straight path ahead down the long hallway. Their eyes were blank as they stared into his head.

But he didnt notice. All he could think about was running. Getting there in time before something happened. Getting there before they were gone. Getting there before they STOPPED BREATHING-

He could feel the red slowly creep up his ankles. As he kept running faster and faster, the blood slowly rose higher and higher with him. The nurses surrounding him began to wane as the walls got closer and closer. They seemed almost like statues.

That was until Tang saw it at the end of the long hallway. A hospital bed holding a thin figure with a slowing heart rate. The slow beeps echoed throughout the hall. The remaining nurses around him then started to melt into crimson mush as their eyes pierced into his back.

Tangs eyes widened, and he somehow forced himself to go faster. "Allan! Allan, please respond!" He pleaded, continuing his sprint to the still figure. The shapes of its body remained eerily still and unresponsive to the noise.

No. No, no, no. Not again. I can't have this happen again. No. You have to get up. Please.

"Please get up, Allan! I know you're in there! Just wake up!" Tang yelled as he got closer and closer. The red on the floor was now rushing against his legs while rising faster and faster.

Up and up it got as Tang kept running for what seemed like an endless hallway. The blood was up to his calves at this point, but nothing was hindering his descent in the slightest.

That was until something tried to grab onto his pant cuff from under all the red. Tang didn't notice the slight tug at first, too busy putting one foot in front of another.

That was until more tried to do the same.

FUCK. Why now why now why now!?!?!? He had finally noticed after the hands lifted above the murky crimson surface that were trying to grab onto more than just a pant cuff.

The hospital bed was now nowhere in sight; it had faded from view. Now it's just an endless hallway full of blood and shining red hands grabbing at him from under the bloody floor.

His stress levels had hightened as the blood began to rush against his legs, causing more force to push him back into the hands. Even through his hysteria, Tang knew he couldn't keep the pace for much longer. More and more hands kept slinking up from the crimson depths that he doubted if he could even make it to the next step.

And he was right.

A sudden burst from the ground threw Tang and a wave of red back towards the now hundreds of shining hands. He landed on his back as he was blinded by the crimson liquid. The shockwave of red flew over him and he was submerged; he choked on the metalic substance as he was thrown further and further back.

When he was finally dropped harshly onto the bloody concrete floor, the hands had disappeared, and all that was left was him, the red hallway, and the thing in front of him. Blood dripped from his brow as he looked up to what had thrown him back.

And now he wishes he had kept his eyes closed. He didn't know what he was looking at, but he knew that it was dangerous. The humanoid figure stood floating above the gap in the ground with a continuous buzzing, which was the only thing he could hear.

The area where it came from was now stretched beyond recognition; the floor had been splintered badly where the thing stood. The red now rushed forward instead of against him, slowly pouring into the new hole that goes to... somewhere he doesn't want to know.

Tang could feel it rush past him and lulling forward, though the force never moved him even an inch. It felt more like a familiar breeze than gallons of blood rushing forward into some vacant void. His breaths were slow and deliberate as they echoed in his ears.

He could've collapsed right then and there if he could. The red ran out through the hole, and all that was left were puddles instead of the hulking mass it used to be.

But something just always took away any peace he had. Before he could even think of closing his eyes, the figure in front of him burst open with a loud bang. "AHHH!" Tang had yelled in surprise as the pieces flew over him.

Wait, flew?

He quickly looked back to where the body had been before. The top half is completely gone and buzzing loudly with something crawling around the figure.

You have got to be kidding me... he thought, exasperated. He could see each and every individual bug on the body; everything glowed a soft orange that burned into his gaze.

Tang was tired. Tired of these stupid dream sequences, tired of whatever God decided to make his real life hell, and tired of how he wasn't able to stop any of it. Everything went on without him. Nothing would change if he were gone. Nothing would be different now than if he had just disappeared under that rubble.

A sudden woosh from in front of him was all the warning he got before swarms and swarms of orange surrounded him. They crawled along his clothes, whispered into his ears, pulled him up and forward.

His heartbeat echoes through his head as he suddenly knows he had moved. Now he was falling. Falling and falling through the endless void under his dreams. Nothing would stop his descent. Nothing would be there for his two fall onto. No one was coming for him. He closed his eyes.

...

...

...

He suddenly felt warmth surround him. A solid surface under his weight. Something had caught him.

Tang could feel the surface move, bringing him up and out of wherever he had been before. The air felt lighter, almost as if the world was encompassed in the suns rays.

Yet everything still felt restless. An anticipation so great is glowered on the prison itself.

Prison?....

Suddenly, an unwelcome voice entered his head.

Yes. Why don't you open your eyes for me? I've been waiting for something like this, you know.

And Tang didn't know why he followed along. Why he felt compelled to open his eyes and look forward. Yet he did so without hesitation.

He was in the palm of its hand. The orange, glowing hand that held him like a delicate flower. Dark shackles were attached to its wrists, slowing its movements.

Yet that didn't stop it from looking down onto him with its big, beady eyes. It seemingly looked into his soul, seeing through him with an almost smug air around it. The cicada head and the multitude of wings behind it just added to the unrealness of the situation.

But then it just smiled, or what could even be considered a smile for something like that.

You're perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the first time in a month, Tang felt well rested. He eyes were glued shut with exhaustion, yet his mind felt clear. His memories if the dream felt foggy, yet calming and nostalgic.

He had checked the time on his dying phone and even found out that he had gotten up at a reasonable tike for once! Given, it was only 7:00 AM, but this was better than usual.

Then that peace, his so fragile peace that seemed to always get broken every chapter, got shattered when the smell of smoke entered his nose.

That got him up and out of bed as he quickly threw off the sheets and saw how the edges of his blanket had been burned slightly. The wisps of ash flew up and out the open window; a slight breeze flowed through the room, taking them away.

He could only try to pat the charred edges with his hand to put the small flames out. The window had been opened again, and he swore he had closed it yesterday. But then again, almost everything from yesterday was hazy.

After he made sure his blanket wasn't going to burn his bedroom down, he slinked out of bed and threw the blanket into trash beside the kitchen. It bunched up over the already overflowing can, but stayed in place.

Tang carefully maneuvered around his ruined living room, dodging any stray pieces of glass or splinters sticking out of the carpet. He jumped straight onto his couch and reached for a random book on his messy floor.

The one he had picked up was one of his favorites: The Origins of JTTW. This had always been the most accurate in a sense of real archeology used in the sources along with many scholarly accounts backing the piece up.

It was also his first book in his collection. Something from a long time ago that someone else definitely would have kept in a box or charity.

He absent-mindedly flipped through the pages: seeing the same images and the same words in the same order over and over again tends to give you a sense of what to expect.

Then, a familiar face came into view. Something that jolted his foggy memory. A bipedal, golden cicada in long robes stood as the focus of this page. The many limbs and wings attached to its body couldn't be mistaken for anything else as the rest of his dream faded away into his mind.

Tang's eyes shot wide as he continued down the page. The power of resurrection. A disciple of Buddha. A being of chaos. A sign of transition and renewal.

Things kept getting more complicated as he finished reading the page. He knew that dreams were random: that they didn't have any special meaning behind them. And yet, why did this feel so important?

He didn't want to think too much about it. But now that he's... got more free time, he wants to figure out what's going on: why he keeps having these dreams, how he was able to split that table in half, and the voices he kept hearing after LBD's defeat (that had gone silent recently). He wanted answers.

I don't know what's going on. Heck, I don't even know if I'm going insane or not, but I'm going to find more. I need to figure out what's wrong with me.

And with that new stack of determination, Tang prepared a small backpack (where did his messanger bag go?) and headed off back outside with a new goal I mind.

Hopefully, this trip will be the first of his kind to go somewhat smoothly.

Previous | Next | Start

[kath-artic]

more weird dreams

it's starting to fade now because i've waited too long to start writing it down, but i do remember some vague fragments. there was some scene at the beginning where i was being made to get into bed with a much older man and his wife but i was also disguised as his wife i think? but he kept touching me and i could tell he was naked under the covers and the other woman in the bed was gonna get up to go to the bathroom and leave us alone and i begged her to let me go with her and spent the whole night in the hallways outside the bathroom (also worth mentioning the bedroom was my parents room in my childhood home and the bathroom was placed in the exact way it was in my childhood home)

and then i was wandering in the snow down empty new jersey highways i've been lost on in other dreams (the port city i often dream about also made an appearance but i cant remember the context) and came to my high school except it looked different. i dont remember how he got there, but i wound up running into my first ex (the one who assaulted me) and he was the version of him i knew before we dated. he was funny and charming and after everything that had happened in the last part of the dream, i needed that comfort. he was so kind to me this time and i remember us walking outside together and him packing a snowball to throw at me and i stopped short and said "my mom cant see us together" because i knew her car was parked nearby and she was waiting to pick me up. he asked why not and i couldnt bring myself to say "because she knows you raped me" because i was so afraid of breaking the illusion that he was a good person.

then there was a third chapter where i was staying w my friend who i stay w a lot in real life except she lived in a big modern house instead of a college dorm and the whole front face of the house was windows and i was playing a lot of bg3 and looking out at the snow unsure of where anyone was. and her and her roommates kept phasing in and out and they were getting ready for some dress up event and i was just gonna be alone in the house and i started flashing through to another dream where i was in canada w my grandparents staying in a big treehouse in the woods and exploring a nearby swamp (neither of which exist on their property in real life lol) and i knew there were faries out there. i flashed back into the house dream and i had to pack to go home but as i started packing it quickly became my childhood bedroom and i was packing up my toys and i look outside into the snow and feel so so alone.

the whole dream felt so lonely and empty. like everybody was getting blown away with the snow. something in there about tainted memories. and the part with my ex is so particularly strange because i was trying to find him the other day to see if he's still alive and okay. despite everything he ever did ive always found it hard to think of him as a bad person and some part of me will always care about him because he used to be such a dear friend of mine. and even though i know i shouldnt i can sometimes justify what he did to me, i just know i probably wasnt the only one

i think the thing that really gets me is that i ran to him after my friend who was like a brother to me passed away from an overdose because i never got to articulate how much i loved him and i needed to give that love to somebody. and then he developed a drug problem. and its like he did so many horrible things to me but some part of me still wants to save him. weird.

[vodid]

Hey, dream pal again….

I am okey, sorry if the “worst week of my life” coment freaked you out, im cool.

I did walk through a forest, but funny enough I had walked in it many times irl and was around said forest when the dream happened, so I just assumed this is why I dreamed about it. I was with Jazz there and here is were I lost the short guy and found “you”... I wasnt sure about the oak trees since I am not a fauna guy but after looking up how they look, huh, guess what? there were in the dream too.

One of the things that really haunted me about the dream is that I know and I have been in all the places of said dream while awake… Even the store you drew has a strong resemblance to a store I know, but again… no mural which I find so intriguing.

I do remember talking to the girl I found while Jazz was still in the store. I don’t remember much of the conversation besides comments on Jazz, the death environment and someone saying that it was going to be okey (I trully don’t know who said that). I remember getting angry, but not the reason why I got angry.

The dream doesn’t end in the store for me. After the store we hit the road, and I sat on Jazz’s passenger seat as I looked out of the window, I wasn’t alone in the car, and I know more than one person was on the car, but I dont know if it was the same girl from the store. I know they *looked* white (it could be the cappibara lady, who knows), but we where quiet all the way.

In the dream I knew there had been an apocalypse and I knew Jazz was the only Autobot I could find, but I was also aware (to a small degree) that is was a dream. Who knows maybe this is why I got angry when we left the store.

This is so freaky… The dream doesn’t end on the road either, at least not for me (who knows, maybe the car passenger NPCs logged into a different server)… But after that I was alone.

I have to ask, in the forest did you happen to see other animals (a mule/ donkey)? or a small cabin?

Dude Imagine I end up finding the other people in the dream… that would be, creepy ngl.

The dream pal,

- R

i'm happy to hear that! <3

oak trees are pretty common but they felt very prevalent enough in the forest i walked through that it was worth noting. usually, where i live, they're a bit more sparse and mixed with tons of other trees.

and before i continue, this got EXTREMELY long and detailed so i'm placing everything under a cut hsdfsdfs

the forest in my dream was one i walked through many times irl too!! it was heavily based off the forest right behind my house at first, which has a small creek in it (that's where i started off in my dream actually. went into my backyard, saw a capybara and followed her into the forest) but the path and size were different, both much larger. the path went straight instead of turning left, there were more slopes around it, a thicker canopy, and the creek i passed through was further in and running perpendicular instead of parallel (it was more reminiscent of a wider part of my creek downstream, but the location was all wrong) there was also a small hill just before or right after the creek. around that point, it melded with a different forest i've walked through only a few times before: the forest behind my high school, which had a mf maze for its trails that we hiked on a few times and a very large river in the deepest part, to the left. the desire path i walked on in the dream was a lot more like those ones. perhaps, if you were the girl, you walked on a different trail until we bumped into each other? (tho i don't particularly remember there being any forks in the path)

the supermarket was a lot like a regular ol walmart but it doesn't particularly remind me of any i know. most walmarts here are part of a strip mall/near one and i don't remember if there were rly many other buildings in the plaza from my dream. probably all got destroyed. not sure, the details of the plaza are fuzzy besides a very, very dusty and crumbled parking lot. very large lot, but i'm not sure how large, and how much had dirt and grass had grown over it

the mural i'm sure is something straight out of horizon forbidden west. there are holograms in the game of the heroes of the apocalypse? called "ten." the holograms had a couple graphics that the mural was most likely based off of, mainly the orange and yellow background (stole this pic from ign)

after seeing the mural, jazz didn't move or speak in the rest of the full dream. he just sat on the rubble next to the mural. i would've loved to have hit the road lol but i guess he needed time. i really wish i remembered more about what happened towards the end, but i do know that, alongside the worry and the sympathy, there were feelings of dread and a slight urgency. we weren't in active danger, but we could be. that place was abandoned for a reason. (it felt as though jazz was the one in danger, but he found the girl to be in more danger than he was. classic guardian syndrome i guess LOL)

that's so wack tho. we both in some way knew we were dreaming (usually i am not aware of that in mine) and everything i bumped into was some amalgamation of a place i have been to before, even if the general area was a bit more rural than where i live lol there wasn't a cabin tho. mainly just feelings of there being stores and more houses (i live in the suburbs) around us. the houses kind of had the feeling of... being very recently built or still under construction? obviously they're not new now but back then, before the apocalypse, whenever that was, they would've been brand new. not sure if that's an important detail lol

i don't remember bumping into any animals besides the capybaras and maybe a chipmunk or squirrel but i did collect vegetables/fruits?? there were like. bright red tomatoes, cabbage and fresh peaches i picked up from around tree trunks (reminded me a lot of things like breath of the wild) and i tried to give them to the mother/child to help them, since it was clear they were looking for food, but the mother did NOT trust me. she didn't want to be near me and i'm not sure why i kept following her. she looked like she felt a bit uneasy around me as she did not speak english at first, so it was easy to misunderstand my intentions

anyway i decided to give the general area of my dream a go, so let me know if anything in it reminds you of something. it's hard to nail every detail exactly, since you know how dreams like to do good ol switch-a-roos on things but this should be at least a little true to my dream

it's very possible the forest trail was longer but i do not have a solid concept of the time i spent on it. mainly just the beginning. also not sure if jazz and the woman appeared before or after the creek. it was a very shallow but wide stream (honestly i do not remember really walking through it. i just remember seeing it but i KNOW it ran through the trail) anyway, don't be fooled, this whole place i drew is MASSIVE. imagine it's close to a mile long from top to bottom. the forest was huge, the parking lot was huge, the area beyond (north-northeast) was huge with powerlines that felt like they ran parallel to the street but looked like they went perpendicular ...not sure how that worked. they had a field with lots of overgrown tall, dry grass tho

either way, i hope something looks familiar! dreams are so weird with how much context they can provide without needing to actually see it? so i hope you can trust my word on this lol i built purely off what i remember feeling in my dream. and honestly, if i had to say, definitely felt like that sort of area would've had a donkey LMAO or maybe more so deer, but i did not see any nor feel any from the given context

also wondering, how tall are you? and a little more obscure, but do you own or have owned any shirts like this? it's a regular long sleeve, waffle knit shirt with some sort of magenta heather pattern (thanks google for making me have to draw it)

it's probably not important but thought to ask anyway on the off chance you do

[freemindedspirit]

Hello Miaro,

How are you doing? I'm doing well enough.

I wanted to ask for a dream interpretation if it's ok with you. This was originally a text message to one of my friends, btw.

I just had a very cool dream with my beloved Moonlight. Where they were taking me to events with them and their friends. Mostly dinners. We'll eat together.

Someone in the group took a picture of our table, and we hugged for it. We'll go to different restaurants each time, and I was mostly focused on the desserts. I think a couple of people were commenting on that.

At some point we went to a function and there was a girl wearing a green dress, kinda young. I was the only other one wearing green, so we did a fist bump, and I said twinsies or some random nonsense like that.

Also, there was a point where my beloved went to one of those without me (probablycause I hate going to public places). And people were speculating that we broke up, and then they pulled up a laptop cause the event was being live streamed and they were video calling with me. They put the sound so everyone could hear me. When I noticed, I started making creepy sounds and comments to the people who said we broke up.

I don't remember exactly what I said. But was the style of "can you hear me. Im watching you. Im always watching. Im in your walls. You can't escape from me." I also did my maniacal evil laugh. They let me go on for about 10 seconds and then told me to cut it out 😔 .

I dont remember if this was before or after, but we went to an amusement park together. We even got in a ride. They were holding my hand the entire time. Some of their buddies were there, too. I think one gave me some shiny small toy that I liked and probably immediately put it on my mouth cause I never grew out of that stage when I was a toddler.

Anyway. The dream ends on a kitchen, and there's Gordo Ramsey. It seems like a show. There's this girl who baked a cake. Look like a humongous wedding cake. And inside the first floor there was another mini wedding cake. And then Ramsey walked in and was like, "No, no, no. What did you do? She's going to eat this." He was holding a piece of cake, and you could tell the filling(ifk what the cream between levels is called) was the wrong color or something. The girl said she was sorry. The "she" Ramsey was talking about a sort of very important elderly celebrity. She looked like Audrey Hepburn looks rn. And that was a bizarre end to the dream.

Could you tell me if it means something. Im theorizing that sometimes my soulmate and I connected our dreams when we slept at the same time. I'd say this is one of those, especially for the Gordon Ramsey part. I don't even like that man. Never showed in my dreams before today. No celebrity has to be fair. So the Ramsey part made me really want to know if this mean something.

Thanks a lot!

For the first part : You are craving unity and companionship with this "Moonlight" and this group that you feel like you are desperately needing in your 3D life. You project your insecurity onto this person and are therefore desperately protective over the relationship, you feel like people questioning it are putting your relationship, and therefore your self-esteem in danger. You want people to SEE, to BELIEVE you are with that person and meant to be that way. You want to hold onto that so strongly that some much darker sides of yourself are willing to come out to defend it. This is telling me you have an unhealthy attachment to the way others view the relationship, maybe even to the relationship itself. It seems you are not dating this person in the 3D currently, you should check in with yourself and your guides as to why you are holding onto it so strongly and if it is truly what they want from you. If you are dating them currently ( which i strongly, strongly doubt), you should really discuss together what it the role of the public in your relationship and how to keep a healthy relationship to it . I think the girl in a green dress is a younger version of yourself, I dont exactly see her role in the dream, but I think you are meant to see it for yourself. The person who gave you the toy is one that brought you a new experience or a piece of information that you found precious and hold onto dearly. For the Ramsey part, I think this is mostly due to things you thought about or saw lately, but in general it tells about your relationship to authority. You want to show a big deal to someone you think is respected, but ultimately you are not even focused on the right thing (making a huge wedding cake instead of of doing a smaller one but with the right cream). There is absolutely no sign here that any of the people involved is your soulmate or of their presence in the dream.

[lunasootsprite]

I dont use this blog but I will probably starting tomorrow.

Anyways right now I just need to speak I guess. I think people see me as an Idiot. My father especially. Today my car got towed while visiting a friend and I assumed it did bc apartment complexes do that all the time and I got outside to leave and my car was gone. I was horrified and I think in shock to the point where I was very calm

I didn’t know how to handle it but my friends told me it probably got towed, they would call and get me the number so we could get it sorted. So I catch a ride home from them and I tell my dad. He’s asking me why I didn’t call him first and wondering why i think it was towed. He asks where I parked and where I was near and then just assumes it was stolen. He’s getting angry asking why there is no haste in my voice and why I seem so calm. We drive back and as we get there I he makes me take a picture of the towing sign. Driving back he asks me questions about basic things that I had explained earlier and on the way over I mentioned that if for some reason we needed the keys I didn’t have them bc i left them in my room. This confuses him and he asks me to clarify. I do and as I finish I say “ Did you think I left them at the apartment and thats why I didn’t drive home? “ He says yes. I then follow up with I feel like you take me for a complete fucking idiot. He doesn’t deny it instead going well you said didn’t have the keys so i didn’t know what that meant.

He doesn’t see me as smart or an adult or even remotely successful in any aspect of my life. I don’t see myself as an adult either but having other people see you as what is essentially an overgrown 12 year old is not the same as flawed perception. I don’t feel like an adult at all. But that confirms it i guess, he doesn’t see me as one either. I dont think any of relatives do, in fact I think they see some piece of useless shit who has chosen not to grow up. Thats not who I am, im trying but when you come from a family that refuses or just will not help you when you need it in the name of teaching you some existential long term lifelong lesson then yeah you tend to do the easy stuff forever bc the hard stuff has to be done by yourself and no one else effectively increasing the difficulty. They don’t understand why I try to do everything myself but its because if I ask for help I wont get it. Ive tried multiple times over and the people around me refuse to. They claim they do not and that they have never done anything like that but I fucking remember. The other day my father stated that he never spanked or laid a hand on me as a kid. Thats bullshit because I remember being told I was going to be spanked with a belt and i remember being spanked with it. He swears he never did though. Everything I remember is written off as a lie and everything he says is supposedly right. I know its not but even just now I wondered for a split second if those memories were real. That scares me.

I want to attempt moving but it needs to be far and it needs to be permanent. It scares me though. I don’t have many friends and the few I do have live here. Im trying getting out but I haven’t been many places yet because i’ve been busy or i’m just a little to scared to drive there. I have to keep trying though. And Ill try online too because It might be easier there. Im scared and it’ll take time and a lot of money but I also don’t want to run from getting my degree. I can get my bachelors I know it. My associates is in reach just one more semester and my bachelors just 2 years after. Im so close but I don’t know if I can stand it. I have no privacy, no confidence, no ability to try and be on my own. Everything I do is heard or seen or intruded on by them. Its awful and I don’t want to live like this anymore. For too long I haven’t been able to be myself and to this day I still can’t. Small amounts have been able to shine through but not my full self. The small amounts have helped but i think after 22 years wanting to be who you really are is a pretty small ask.

i didnt want to start this blog this way. Its not interesting nor is it necessary but I needed a quiet place to clear my mind and no one knows about this account so it worked out just fine. I would tell some of my friends but I dont want to burden them and the one I would tell wouldn’t side with me. Her parents have done everything for her, her entire life and shes only had to deal with small things. Very few big things. She has support that Ive never had and so she sees the world much differently than me. She would say that well I should have called him first and that I should have double and triple checked where I parked to ensure that didnt happen. I think she would at least. But i’m new to driving and I didn’t know, plus her old apartment didn’t have dedicated visitor parking. I digress though as it doesn’t matter in the end I guess.

Im a disappointment I know I am. I have anime girls over everything I own practically and I sleep with body pillows. I know that my hours spent gaming are not productive but they make me happy and comfortable which is something that hasn’t happened in a while for me. They have always been my passion and hobby and interest. That will never change and I will continue enjoy them and dedicate time and money to them. For some however this makes me a failure of a human being and they begin to grow disappointed in me and what ive become. Too bad I guess. I do my best to love a healthy life and incorporate the things i love but some would rather see me ditch them to live the way they want. I dont want that though. Ive never been allowed to indulge in my hobbies or pursue my interests and now that I can i’m not stopping. I want to do so in peace and around people who I can enjoy them with.

There’s just no one like that here, so I want to run. I want to be as far away as possible and drop contact completely. They had years to try and be caring and understanding. To get to know their own kid to get to know their grandkid in a way that was meaningful and not just oh he likes some anime or something I dont know. Take the time to actually listen when I try to explain whats wrong or why Im mad or sad or just listen in general. But they don’t and i’ve tried too many times. I can be as calm and rational as can be or emotionally unstable but nothing makes it better. They just don’t listen and they don’t listen because they don’t care. They never have because if they did they would attempt they would try they would do their best to understand but they don’t. They tell me well that doesn’t make sense or well i don’t get it and then continue with so i don’t get why you feel that way. I dont either man! Emotions are fucking abstract and I cant always pinpoint why I am a certain way and I explain that im not sure but you demand an answer and I don’t give one because there isnt one and we fight. It sucks and im tired of it. So im gonna leave not now but sometime. Mark my words, i have been getting better and more confident in myself but there is still work that needs to be done and I will begin taking steps to do it. My life should have started years ago but I guess it starts now

Im sorry this is such an emotional and pretty personal post for this blogs first post but I needed a sanctuary and Ive returned to an old one I created. I think i need time to myself for the week. Ill be here and in my own discord server but I don’t want to interact with anyone for a while. If you read my melodramatic post in full thank you I really appreciate it. Its nice to be heard out even when you are just spouting all this information and not making it easy to follow along. Ill be posting art here and my thoughts about whats happening in life and my interests. Hopefully this blog becomes a sanctuary for others as well.

- :3 Josh/Lilith

[ocean-anchored]

Dear Future Self... - June 26, 22

Look at me, it’s been three weeks and I’ve remembered to do another update. Sometimes I hesitate to write an update because I really have no idea who reads this. I’m pretty sure no one that I know does, but then again I really don’t care. I have no shame and nothing to hide.  Sometimes I wonder if what I write sounds like I’m just rolling through men but honestly I don’t care. I went from being in a committed relationship at 18/19 to 26. I’ve never in my life been on a couple days with a couple people at the same time, I have always been one to give attention to one person for a time and that’s it. It’s funny because for once I actually have people tell me to just enough myself. Go on all the dates, have all the fun, experience and live a little. I haven’t even known what that’s like ever and I’m almost 28. But this year I’ve actually been doing that. I’ve actually gone on a couple dates with different people. I’ve said yes to more things, more people and have tried to just whatever a chance because why not?  Anyways. So I’ve seen this guy Richardt twice now and he’s a real gentleman. We have lots in common but I really like his views on the future and we seem to have similarities in what we want in life which I really love. He’s fun, funny, chill, there’s no pressure, there’s not awkwardness. He’s tall and cute and has a really good job and seems to know what he wants. We hit it off really good and our chats are pretty good for the most part. He’s super sweet and makes me feel really happy and pretty, he’s always complimenting me and like literally gentleman asking before if he can hold my hand that night, super cute. Do you even know how annoying it is for someone to assume and try to kiss you on the first date when you haven’t given off any “signals”? It’s awkward. It’s happened like 2 or 3 times now that I feel bad but like, why do guys always assume that? Bonus, Richardt lives in calgary so I actually get to see him.  Then there’s Marc. Damn Marc. Why is he single? Honestly no clue. I feel like I can really trust him but for some reason I have this very subtle gut feeling that he just gets all these girls all the time, I dont know why because he doesnt have any huge following or whatever but I just don’t know why like how is he single. He’s fantastic. I mean like seriously he’s gorgeous. He has an amazing smile and he’s fit and tall like damn boy. But on top of that we literally have everything in common. Like everything on every deeper layer and that’s what makes me so attracted to him. He seems really self aware, we have really great deep and meaningful talks, we have the same views, we have the same love languages which he actually know’s what those are. He’s really close with his family, he loves gaming and being active, loves good food and to have a fun time, loves music. HE PLAYS MUSIC. Damn our date last night was golden.  I was super nervous but I went over first. Oh yah thats right he’s in edmonton too so that’s just great lol. (sorry mom) but I met at his place and we chatted for a bit, he had planned the whole day so we went to this super awesome art inspired mini golf putting that was so fun, then went to a roof top burger joint which was delicious. Then we went to Sherwood park for an outdoor music fest and he was so cute telling everyone that we were on our first date hahah. He had his arm around me most of the time and always opened the car door for me. Again real gentleman. Music fest was really awesome and then we went back to his place and he played music for me. Sang me Thinking Out Loud on piano, like come ON. Marry me? hahah like what a gem. Played some guitar and then we played Halo. He picked up on my cues, I did want to kiss him Ill be honest, so he picked up on that and well I wont get into that but damn. He’s pretty dang great. And made me feel really happy and pretty, again complimented me so much. I couldn’t tell you the last time I was out leaving someones house at 2am. I felt like a teenager again but It’s good I left or I wouldn’t have.  I dont know, part of me feels guilty but then again there’s no commitments. Why do I feel guilty going on dates with more than one person? how many times has the guy probably been on multiple dates with multiple women before and after me? Im 27 for gosh sake, I can live a little.  We’ll see what happens. Long distance is damn hard and I don’t know how that would work. I mean at least he’s more willing to come here than Nate was. Plus I actually have a place to stay up there and can visit my aunt and uncle and him vice versa so he still has reason to come here, which he’s been planning.  I guess well see when I do another update. But that’s life right now. Balancing work, trying to meet new girl friends and enjoying time and summer. I cant wait to move in August and have my own space and actually have people over. I really do look forward to that, hopefully things go smoothly with Cody and Dillon but I feel like it will.  My only thing is to just remind myself to ENJOY MY SUMMER. 

[badassbelowmaskofkind]

Love is blind

Ch 3

She was running fast she did'nt know where she was heading she did'nt even care no one cares about her then she slowed down to a park sitting down on a bench as she cried. "I wish someone cared" she whispered voice choked with tears.

Jimin knocked on Jin's door a lot of times then he finally opened it "Jimin-ah! I was getting ready you did'nt have to knock so many times" Jin said

"its not my fault that you're slow hyung" he said "anyway I brought Taehyung here" he said placing his arm on Taehyung's shoulder as they went in Taehyung noticed that it was a bit messy and he saw Jungkook playing games

"Sorry for the mess it takes forever to clean up" Jin said scratching his head "Yeah. Jin hyung is so messy" Jungkook said with a smirk "You're more messy pabo. at least I dont leave my clothes everywhere" Jin said "I'm your hyung respect me. I raised you since you were 15" he said "to think of it I moved to Seoul to raise Jin hyung" the maknae laughed in which Taehyung thought his laugh was cute

"aish. I could hit you right now I raised you not the other way around!" Jin said and muttered "evil maknae" Jungkook continued to play his games after awhile of bickering with Jin but Jungkook ended up hitting Jin playfully and laughing

"can I call you V?" Jin suddenly asked

"Yeah. Thats what some people call me" Taehyung answered they spent the rest of the time hanging out ,watching a movie in the midway of the movie Jimin looked at his phone "oh sh*t gotta get home can you get back by yourself V?" Jimin asked and he nodded how hard can it be?

after awhile Taehyung decided to go back home after seeing a text message from his Eomma as he went out of the apartment Jungkook gave him directions "just turn left at the end of the block and then turn right and just keep walking until you see your house" Jungkook said to him "got all that hyung?" He nodded and left after awhile he realized he got lost and his phone was dead.

"where am I?" He said to no one in particular then he heard crying he was in a park he went towards the crying noise and saw Y/N he immediately ran to her "are you okay?" He said wiping some of her tears and their eyes met "I-I'm fine just lost" she said still crying it was painful to watch especially for Taehyung.

"I'm lost too" Taehyung said "haven't been outside for a long time" what did he mean by that? Y/N was confused by him

"what do you mean you haven't been outside in a long time?" She asked him voice choking with tears "I'll tell you if you tell me whats wrong" he said sitting beside her

"S-soohyun s-she said she'd make my life-" she could'nt continue she was crying to hard "its okay if you don't want to talk about it" he said sighing "do you have your phone with you?" He said "y-yes" she said handing him her phone Taehyung quickly called Jungkook with it and Jungkook said that he'll come to where they were Taehyung also put his number on her phone "call or text me if you need anything or when she bullies you again" he said smiling a bit

"W-why?" She asked "why whould you do this?"

"because we're friends remember" he said

"No I mean at school no one likes me no one cares for me exept Jimin you were the first guy to smile at me and talk to me kindly" she said wiping tears "I like your smile"

"I want to see you smile too" he said "please?"

"No. I hate my smile" she said Taehyung was about to ask again when Jungkook showed up followed by Jimin  "I was worried sick Y/N" He said hugging her tight "and V I thought Jungkook gave you directions!"

"I forgot besides he was talking to fast" he said "you talk fast too hyung" Jungkook said "We'll take you home V" Jimin said

soon enough after they led Taehyung to his house and he opened the door with his house key "Taehyung! Its late I was getting worried I called your phone-who is this?" Mrs Kim said

"This is Park Jimin, his sister Y/N and Jeon Jungkook" He said his mom was smiling when she saw them

"sorry for distubing you we were just helping Taehyung" Jungkook said

"no need to apologize I'm happy that he made friends" Mrs Kim said "Do you want to stay fro awhile?" She asked them

"thats okay we'll be going home already I still have to drop Jungkook by his house" Jimin said smiling "thank you for offering" Jungkook said after awhile they left then Taehyung was switching channels but once he saw the news his heart broke

"Sweetie are you alright?" Mrs Kim asked then she saw what he was looking at it said that her ex-husband was getting married to the rich heirless soon. Tears formed on her eyes "E-eomma?" Taehyung said he too was almost going to cry "I'll be upstairs go get some sleep you have school tomorrow" she said fighting back tears Taehyung nodded and ran up the stairs to his room he closed his door and just sat on the floor crying. " he did'nt feel well he wished he did'nt watch it it hurt too much. Is there something wrong with me? That question was in his thoughts all night as he eventually fell into a deep, painful sleep….

~**~

To be continued

[ramenrambles]

Why Ramen

Finally have some time in this new year to write this, after so long. I guess that’s one thing to be thankful while you’re isolating at home with the covid virus in you. This post will be a lot less historical, or even “intellectual”, but really rounds up most of the deeper, more personal reasons why I got so interested in ramen. 

Warning: sad, cheesy moments ahead.  

PART THREE of three When Life Kicks You in the Groin and Gives You Yuzu

I remember crying again in my seat, just as the plane was departing Buenos Aires to Atlanta, GA. This was to be the first leg of a 29-hour flight between Buenos Aires and Tokyo. We had broken up, after some four years together (which in fairness as I looked back was probably just us dragging our cold feet for too long). And I was headed to Tokyo that summer to mend my brokenness. I cried for what was lost; but I cried also in gratitude that I could rely on my family being there for me. 

29 hours later, after two transits across the US, I was at Haneda airport, grateful that my brother was there to pick me up to his place in Ogikubo. The next few days were pretty much a blur. I remember going on half-dazed walks around the Sensoji temple in Asakusa, as if I was retracing steps from a former life. I remember joining my brother and some friends celebrating outdoors somewhere wtihin Yoyogi Park. I remember nights aimlessly following the lights of Akihabara, unsure if this was where I should be. 

But the night I remember most vividly somehow was a spontaneous dinner appointment with my brother. Meet at Ebisu station, 7:30PM. I went there on time, walked amongst the crowd before he finally came over, about fifteen minutes later, apologising deeply that he was held up at work. 

“Eh it’s ok, dont worry ...”

Before I knew it, we were at Afuri, and he was explaining to me how this was one of his favourite spots. “They do a really good yuzu shio ramen here.”

While my brother went on to explain how this style of ramen is a lot lighter (assari) with the yuzu providing a refreshing accent to the bowl, I see a staff grilling the chashu over a big flame, behind the counter glass. I remember thinking about the smokiness of the chashu complementing this lighter yuzu accent, but somehow I wasn’t able to understand it since most of the ramen bowls I’ve eaten up to this point tended to be just variations of tonkotsu paitan bowls. 

(credit: The Best Japan; Tripadvisor)

I didn’t know it at that time, but this bowl (note: I ordered the yuzu shoyu just to be different lol) would leave such a powerful memory in me. May be it was the heartbreak after all. But I think what it did to me was to give me a really good reminder that ramen -- much like life itself -- still had much to offer. There are many ways you can approach a bowl of ramen, just as you could with life. And after all that heaviness, I could really use this assari bowl of yuzu shoyu ramen. 

And in many ways, today even as I’m trying to create different bowls that are interesting to me personally, I think I still find myself chasing this feeling. Not so much the taste, but this moment of clarity that I had when I got my first bowl at Afuri. 

To take the metaphors a little further, I feel like my general approach to life has changed as well. I’m not longer looking for a life with “shots” after “shots” of heavy-hitting bowls or stimuli -- the way that I regard this global consumption of tonkotsu ramen: living life fast and strong in this adrenaline rush. What if, instead, we took to life as a slow, gentle boil, simmering away and developing deep complexities if we care enough to wait for it.