#i dont get the stigma about adults living with their parents

[shimaiitsoh]

you know what? shout out to adults that live with their parents. takes some type of maturity to say "i just really like living with my parents" because we live in a society that thinks its lazy or bad

[wnine]

ok i'm gonna get a second job so i can afford therapy lol

[creacherkeeper]

sorry if this bothers you but you seemed like a good person to talk to about this. im like 97% sure im autistic and ive done a lot of research but my mom doesn’t believe me because i’m not like the boys she’s seen on youtube. and its just awful because i’m not eighteen yet and im a black girl and i know how parents are important in the diagnosis because of childhood behavior. i just feel like no one will believe me about a diagnosis.

hi nonny

first off, not a bother AT ALL, no worries. im always happy to talk through situations like this

secondly, im sorry for the situation youre in. its one that a lot of autistic people find themselves in, so youre not alone, but its a very difficult thing to go through, especially when youre a minor without access to many resources. so know that someone sees the struggle. when i was trying to get diagnosed my parents were the exact same way. they didnt believe me at all because their only concept of autism came from rainman

so, some advice:

until youre an adult, take this time to learn as much as you can about autism, the autistic community, your own neurodivergence and how it affects you, and whether or not you actually want a diagnosis. having that official word is important for many people, and it gives you access to accommodations at work and school. but there are a lot of drawbacks to a dx as well. in situations where you are forced to disclose, there is a lot of stigma, and people may treat you poorly because of it. depending on where you live, you may be disqualified for live saving medical treatment such as transplants. it makes it infinitely harder to adopt or win custody battles. etc etc. there are many reasons one would choose to get a dx or not, so learn more, talk to people, and take this time to make a decision. if you choose self-dx, know that there are many in the autistic community who chose the same and you are loved and welcome as one of us

if you do chose to get a professional dx, know that its going to be an uphill battle. it's expensive, for one, so if you're planning on attending college or live near a campus, try finding a university teaching psych center that charges on a sliding scale. they're also going to have young professionals who hopefully are more up to date and not so set in the old conception of autism. youre also going to have more of a difficult time getting a diagnosis as a black girl, because so much of the psych field was built on sexism and racism, as well as the inherent ableism of the field. youre doubly more likely to get misdiagnosed with a behavioral or mood disorder, so know that you are allowed to stick up for yourself and be clear about your needs in the process. many (especially older) professional's picture of autism is still 10 year old nonverbal white boys. before seeing someone, ask on the phone (or have someone ask for you) whether or not they have experience diagnosing adults, women, and people of color. that could really make a difference. but also keep in mind that if one person doesnt work out, you can always see someone else. i've been misdiagnosed with things several times, and i choose not to disclose that when seeing new medical or mental health professionals unless its relevant

all that said, you do NOT need your parents to get a diagnosis. mine were not involved in my process at all when i got dx'd at 19, because i knew they would do everything in their power to convince the doctor i wasn't autistic, even if it meant bending the truth or lying. i brought them to my results session, but that was it. they argued with the doctor but she had already made her diagnosis, so it didnt matter. the rest of it was just me and the diagnostician, and i answered all questions about childhood the best i could. its totally fine to write down a list of childhood behaviors or memories before you go in if you think youll forget or miss something. for me the biggest reason i got diagnosed was the hugely variant scores i got on my IQ test, which is a common thing with autism (my scores ranged from low 30s to 99.8th percentile, with not much being average or in the middle). so the diagnostician will not only be looking to childhood or family members. there are plenty of people seeking diagnosis who dont have access to willing family anyway

i think thats all my advice as of now. but i understand how scary the situation is, or how scary it seems while youre in it. if you have any more questions or just need to talk, feel free to message again or dm me. im more than happy to listen or try to help more

[petewentzisblack1312]

very true!!! just wanted to make sure u saw it <3 i'm adhd (pretty severely like it's genuinely debilitating in a way it seems like its not for other ppl) and i keep wanting to ask about it for myself but its so hard to get a diagnosis that i keep putting it off :( so i could see him not looking into it further because of that ? like could still feel he has it without seeking dx? not that i need to tell u this, i know u know, but just for conversation's sake haha

oh yeah no i get it completely! my therapist and psychiatrists and i are like pretty sure im neurodivergent, we think its probably both but its at least one of them, but because of the limited resources we have here in st lucia and since i wasnt diagnosed before the age of like 12 theres absolutely no way to be sure without paying exorbitant amounts of money. my parents have only recently started really believing i need any support and its just generally really hard to find help when youre an adult with a neurodivergency, so if you cant get a diagnosis and you have reason to believe you genuinely are nd its far more useful to just treat the symptoms youre dealing with. even if you dont have it, if something that helps someone with asd or adhd fixes a problem for you then it fixes a problem right?

theres also like the stigma, he did grow up in a time where people didnt know much about neurodivergency and autism specifically was considered awful, so like i wouldnt be surprised if that og interview was him trying to be self deprecating or something. however hes so neurodivergent its a massive boost to my self confidence to watch this man do his special interest for a living. its funny because in addition to being part of my special interest he also lead me to my others, i collect records because of fall out boy and patrick and i plan on going into engineering because of immortals in bh6.

[is6621]

The Benefits of Social Media Use by Children- Bryan Bruwer

It seems that each generation is subjected to some sort of “techno-panic” in which the arrival of a new technology into everyday life is scrutinized and subject to fear-mongering over how it will ruin our lives. For older generations, it was being brainwashed by the television, or even the concept of writing things down ruining the human capacity to think and use our brains. A pervasive aspect of these panics is the idea that the new technology will be especially harmful to those who are most impressionable: youth. The debate over at what age children should have social media (or whether they should have it at all) is an intriguing one. I would argue that the benefits of social media use by young people often go overlooked and that what age a child gets access to social media should be completely circumstantial.

 Some of the arguments of those who are against youth social media use appear to be extremely reasonable. After all, social media can be quite addicting, and many people regardless of age are guilty of pouring way too much time into browsing their Facebook feed or Instagram timeline. Additionally, social media can be a vehicle for bullying to occur, and the results of this can be devastating as supported by many studies.

There are several prominent campaigns such as ‘Wait Untill 8th’ that aim to encourage parents to not allow their children to have cell phones until the 8th grade (approximately 13 years old) or access to data until they are 16. Although I certainly agree that parents should wait until their children are mature enough to handle social media, many of their positions are based on fears that although logical, appear to not be nearly as warranted as one would think.

Despite their apparent validity on the surface, many of the arguments used to discourage parents from allowing their kids to use social media could be generalized to other activities or things that children experience anyway. For example, do those who contend that children should be spared from the addictive tendencies that social media can produce feel the same way about video games? What about junk food? Other arguments fall victim to the same fallacy. Worrying about the harm that social media can cause children tends to ignore that its negative implications (whether that be exposure to bullying, adult content, less focus on school) are often omnipresent in the life of a child and in many cases are just a part of growing up.

Although there is a tremendous stigma surrounding how damaging social media can be to teens and youth, the results of a poll conducted by Common Sense (a media non-profit) show that the positive effects of social media tend to far outweigh the negative. I was very taken aback by just how decisive many of these poll results were, especially the fact that social media actually appears to make teens less anxious and more confident. A study conducted by the Pew Research Center (results to the left) echoes the sentiment of the Common Sense Poll. It actually appears that social media has quite a positive effect on the lives of a majority of teens.

This is especially relevant in today’s times where face-to-face interaction is limited due to the pandemic. Beyond allowing young people to maintain contact with their friends and acquaintances who they may not be able to see, social media can give children an avenue to strengthen existing relationships as well as create new ones. Additionally, studies have found that children who are on social media can benefit from a feeling of being “welcome” and “connected” to something that is bigger than themselves.

The key to the issue of kid’s social media use lies in one thing and one thing only: discretion on behalf of parents. Parents should be cognizant of whether their children is mature enough to take on the responsibility of social media. This should not necessarily be an issue of age as many have made it. Some children are more mature than others, and parents should expect that their children do some stupid things. However, it is their job to ensure that these stupid things are not ones with any serious ramifications.

Almost all of the negative implications of social media use by youth can be mitigated with proper parenting. If a parent wants to limit the access of their child because they fear they will use platforms too much or for the wrong reason, they have the power to do this. Parents can also have conservations with their children about concepts like self-worth and self-esteem that social media can damage for some people.

In summation, I believe the debate over how young is too young for social media is one that is not only largely subjective and differs wildly based on maturity of the child, but is also strewn with misinformation about how social media impacts youth. Although the vast majority of people believe social media has a negative impact on children, there is plenty of solid evidence to suggest the contrary that needs to be acknowledged.

Sources

https://www.vox.com/2018/9/10/17826810/social-media-use-teens-time-spent-facebook-instagram-snapchat

https://www.care.com/c/stories/4275/5-dangers-of-social-media-to-discuss-with-you/#:~:text=They%20interfere%20with%20school%20work,They%20increase%20anxiety%20and%20depression.

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/5-reasons-you-dont-need-to-worry-about-kids-and-social-media

https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2018/11/28/teens-and-their-experiences-on-social-media/

https://www.waituntil8th.org/why-wait

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/04/180419130923.htm

[valerie-ace-draws]

A look into morality

Morals-

something we as humans have. what we are expected to have. things like this cant apply to everyone, some wont have this thing called morality. why? cause life gives exceptions. 

life is not fair. people are discriminated for what they cannot control. that is not fair neither is it “morally right” . we should judge people based on past experience, there shouldn’t be stigmas based on others’ actions, but we do it anyway why? Because its the only thing we have. 

remember when your a child with no stigmas against anyone? maybe not since we dont remember anything before age 2 (?) i dont remember. but at that time you dont know anything. you would trust a random person on the street just because. thats why children are known to be more susceptible to dangerous people. thats also why parents teach us “stranger danger”

but now lets look on the other side. the people who kidnap or maybe steal things. why? usually its for money. so lets say. you a highschool dropout. got into the wrong crowd now your a adult, with no parents no relatives no way to get help without getting in trouble. so to survive you need food and water and a shelter. these are human needs human rights. we should have a right to be able to survive. to be able to live a good life. but some get the short end of the stick. lets name this man john.

now lets look at through the eye of the shopkeeper whom john stole from. Hes a single parents that owns a covenience shop down the street. his daughter needs to go to school being very young after all. hes living paycheck to paycheck. he was never a smart man. only having a highschool education. now a man [john] comes by and steal his stuff. now hes in a rut. with the little girl he needs to raise, but now he cant. he goes to the police. but they dont do anything becuase they cant. he cant afford good enough cameras in his shop to catch the face of the man. so now he made the very difficult choice to put his daughter for adoption. unable to give her the life she has a right to.

this is only a short chapter of quite possibly someones life. now im not an expert in anything. i pride myself on the sciences and maths. so today im going out of my comfort zone. life is never fair the little girl? she could have gotten adopted into an abusive family, or she could be adopted into a great family. who knows. but what i know is that life is a fickle thing. each choice you make without knowing everything can cause someones life to go in shit. but are you wrong for just trying to survive? maybe in the eyes of the law. but then again he was simply trying to survive. so why is social stigmas so important and so damn immoral? 

take goerge foyld as an example. the policeman are in the wrong of course. they took the stupid old stigma of the colored in america is more likely to be a terrorist. but thats not right you say. well this stigma is born form afear.a fear of dying. and when we fear, we become irrational. basic instincts take over and now we think “ what if-” this irrantionality is what causes stigmas to be born. but is it wrong? Maybe. but remember we are simple trying to survive this stupid game of life. so i want you to take this time to reflect. reflect on your morals. on your stigmas. place yourself in the others shoes. think about this in this time of panic. 

reflect think about your morals,see what should be right and what is wrong.

[kyshiwarrior]

tfw grown ass adults who acted like james’ parents are now bullying him to the point he’s contemplating suicide even though hes essentially innocent like......imagine being that full of it. he whipped out those receipts. I almost don’t give a fuck what Jefree has to say. Don’t. Bully. People ( ESPECIALLY TEENS ). To. The. Point. They. Want. To. Kill. Themselves.

He is so strong and handled that so well, I’m shocked and impressed. I’m not a “sister” and haven’t been a fan, personally, but he gained my respect as I lost mine for everyone else. I was not expecting that. I would never be as strong if millions of people were accusing me of awful things I was innocent of. Calling me a fucking “predator” and “danger to society” and making the world want to lynch me. Jfc even the “but im celebrity” is not only a joke, but literally echoing the context and lyrics of a Jefree Star song ( even if he DID say that ) sidenote, let me emphasize even more that these accusations were inaccurate by guys who WERENT STRAIGHT ( or said they were ) when they actually dated James. Everything was consensual and was admitted to be.

James wasn’t out there raping and killing people... everyone admitted shit was consensual. ( sidenote: his point about these accusations only reinforcing old, dangerous stigmas on the LGBTQ+ community? sickening ) He’s messy, but he’s not messy enough to deserve this. At least these accusations. As for the others, he’s apologized and learned from it. let people grow from their mistakes.  

I can’t imagine what “receipts” are coming, because those boys straight-up confessed they lied and are full of shit. James’ story looks credible as fuck and provided actual proof. I...can’t imagine what Jefree could possible have? Maybe crude jokes? It’s fucking pathetic at this point. YOU.ARE.AN.ADULT.

dont get me started on his lashback against his depressed little kid brother, just assuming context, and doesn’t matter if it was right. don’t excuse him verbally attacking all his friends like a hypocrite as if he wasn’t his “friend” for months, knowing all this.

they’re full of shit. all of them. it’s wild james looks the most innocent at this point. 

I’m just not over how fucking fake the instigators are. I wasn’t expecting that.

cancel. cancel-culture. 

THAT’S WHAT’S PROBLEMATIC.

im just...no sides. done. here for updates because i have nothing better to do and this is a live drama. but i'm tired and really just ....done with cancel culture at very least.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Let’s start with you. How are you? Struggling, but here we are. What motivates you to get up every day? My body wakes me up and I finally drag myself outta bed for coffee. Do you have a true best friend? My mom.  Do you see yourself as a sensitive person? Very.  Have you been upset recently? Mhm.

Do you still leave/receive voicemails? I hateeee leaving voicemails. I very rarely get voicemails anymore. Do you live in your hometown? Yeah. Are you a festive person? Do you enjoy holidays? I love the holidays. Did you/Will you attend college? I did. I graduated in 2015. How many alarm clocks do you use? I’ve been known to just turn it off and fall back asleep, so I have to set several. Do you consider yourself to be an open-minded person? Yeah. Do you eat fruit? I like some fruits, but I’ve never been a big fruit eater. I honestly haven’t had any fruits in at least 3 years, possibly 4. What is your favorite subject to learn about? Psychology.  How many meals a day do you typically eat? 2-3 on good days, sometimes just 1, sometimes none. Music, eh? Have you seen any live shows? Yeah, a few. Name three of your favorite bands/artists… I have many. How big of a role does music play in your life? I enjoy music, but I don’t listen to it as much as I used to.  Can you play any instruments? I used to play some piano, but it’s over 10 years now since I’ve played. You’re feeling down - do you listen to sad music or happy? I gravitate toward the sad stuff. Ya know, #relatable and all that. If you’ve ever been to a concert, how old were you and who did you see? I’ve been to a few. My first one was when I was 16. The others were when I was 18 and early 20s. Do you prefer music to be meaningful and deep, or purely for dancing/fun? I like both. Is there a song or artist that you secretly enjoy, but don’t want to enjoy? No. I like what I like, I don’t care. If you could only listen to music from one decade, which would you choose? That’s toughhh. I love my 90s, but I like variety of music from different decades and like to listen to a bit of everything, so it would be hard to choose just one.  Has your parents taste in music in any way affected what you like? Yeah. We like a lot of the same stuff, especially my mom and I. You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover? Spotify. Do you still own any CD’s/records/tapes? Nope. A few years ago I sold them to a record store. Do you download music for free or pay for it? I use Spotify. We have the premium subscription, so we pay for it. Well, my mom does :X It’s a group plan thing that we have. Do you ever hear a new song on tv that you like and find it? Yeah, there’s been many times I’ve heard a song in a commercial or TV show/movie and looked it up. Speaking of television… (look at that smooth transition!) Do you watch a lot of television? Whether that be shows, news, movies etc. My TV is always on, but it does serve as background noise a lot. I have my shows I watch and pay attention to, and then there’s times I have something on and I tune in and out.   Do you watch the news? I watch entertainment news more often, but yeah I watch the regular news like The Today Show or some of our local news sometimes. I get most of news online, though. What about the weather channel? No. I just use the app on my phone.  What’s your favorite holiday movie? I love Christmas movies, there’s too many to name. What hooks you to a television show? Drama, suspense, comedy etc. I like all that, just depends on the plot really. How do you feel about adult cartoons? Not really my thing.

Talk shows - boring or entertaining? I watch a few. Do you prefer cable, satellite or streaming? We have satellite and we have streaming services like Netflix and Hulu as well.  Have you come across any new shows you like this year? I have a list of shows I want to watch, but haven’t gotten around to, yet. I think the only new shows I’ve watched were The Hills: New Beginnings and I got into Whose Line is it Anyway?, both new and old seasons lol. I used to watch it during its original run, but I recently started watching again because this one channel airs it every weeknight. OH, The Act on Hulu was really good. That was the Gypsy Rose mini series. But yeah, there’s a lot of shows I need to get around to watching.  Do you still watch shows that you grew up watching? Yep, a few.  What about movies that you grew up with? Lion King and Toy Story are mine! Yep, many. Are you subscribed to any streaming services? Netflix and Hulu. Reality shows - entertaining or horrifying? I watch quite a few, ha. What is the first movie you ever saw in a cinema? I don’t know the very first, but the one that always comes to mind for some reason is Stuart Little. I know that’s not the very first, though. Let’s talk about what you don’t discuss at Sunday brunch… Do you identify with any organized religion? Christianity. If so - is it how you were raised, or have you found your own? My paternal grandparents are Christians and I went to church and Sunday school sometimes with them, but my parents weren’t/aren’t religious. They both believe in God, but they didn’t raise me with any religion. I was actually atheist and then agnostic for most of my life, up until 3 years ago. Do you think that marijuana should be legalized? Yes. If so, would that be for medical use only, or recreational? It has a lot of benefits so definitely for medical/health purposes, but I don’t care if people want to do it recreationally.  Pro-life or pro-choice? Have you ever protested or been on strike? No. Is gun control necessary or no? Yes of course.  Are you happy with the political state where you reside? Blahhh politics. Why do you feel that way? Have you read the book 13 Reasons Why or watched the show? Both. I read the book in high school or middle school, I don’t remember which and I’ve watched the show. The tv show brings teenage suicide to light in a graphic manner. Should shows like this be available to everyone or could it be a trigger? I mean, I think it’s something that needs to be talked about. It’s a real thing and we can’t act like it doesn’t exist. Mental illness is already so taboo and people don’t want to talk about, so it gets pushed under the rug and there’s stigma attached to it and people aren’t educated on it like they should be. I understand it can be triggering and difficult for people and that’s fine, they don’t have to watch it if they feel they can’t. I also want to note that there were warnings before each episode.  Okay, let’s simmer down. Back to happy things. Do you like animals? Yes. If so, do you have any pets? Yep, I have a doggo. (: What is your favorite day of the week and why? * I dont have a favorite day of the wk. They’re prtty much all the same to me <<< Same. Do you have a favorite season? Fall and winter. How do you enjoy nice scents? Candles, wax melts, incense, oils etc. I have a few candles actually, but I never light them lol. They smell great, though. We have a few wax warmers around the house, though, which are nice. I like those because I don’t have use fire. I also like to use some air fresheners, just nothing too strong. Do you live in a large city or small town? It’s medium sized I’d say. Are you happy with that or would you like to change it? I’d like to live in a smaller city, I think.  Do you have any children? Nooo. Are there any colors that you think compliment you? Black. Do you enjoy cleaning or find it to be a chore? I definitely don’t enjoy it. What is your absolute favorite food? For the past few months it’s been scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach by itself or wrapped in a tortilla, bologna sandwiches, Ramen, and pizza.  If you were any color, what would you be? Gray. Do you spend a lot of time on social networks? Yeah. Books or movies? I enjoy both.

[hakimziyech22-blog]

In a cor

In a corner of the room there is a large computer screen, an expensive camera and behind them, professional photographers' lights. Dozens of pairs of eyes may view Lana in her room online in real time via dedicated adult websites. But she does not make any money until a member asks her to "go private" in a one-to-one webcam session.Since the dawn of streaming, the porn industry has been suffering financially. As people have started watching and uploading porn on tube sites for free, the days of big-budget porn and making a lot of money as a porn star are fading away. At the same time, though, streaming has also spawned a supplement to the porn industry that cant be replicated: camming."I was alone in the room, and it felt like there were hundreds of people around me. And I couldn't keep up with what they were all saying, and what they were asking of me. It was quite shocking. But then I learned to be perceptive about which member was a potential paying customer and not to waste time with all of them in the free online space.I get a mixture of emotions. Mostly people react positively because of the way I speak about it. It's so different if you're really shy and timid and quiet about it. It immediately gives off this idea of ‘oh they're not completely ok with it.' But if anyone ever asks me, I'd be like ‘fuck yeah I webcam, I love it!' I get to mess around at home all day and I get to be as open and as genuine to myself as I can possibly be, and there's a lot of people who aren't ok with that because I'm into some very unusual things myself. I don't have to hide and pretend that I'm someone else; I can really be my true self.

The webcam industry also does its best to entice young women into the business.It sucks, because Cam Girling was pretty fun: I got to choose my own hours, what I wore, what I did and who I wanted to talk to. The paranoia that came with the knowledge of the stigma attached was the only downside. That and the random twelvie trolls that would appear and write: Your face is shiny in the comments. Yeah mate, its 40 degrees. Cant you read the profile that says, Australian?Are there misconceptions about webcamming that you want to bust?When the clothes do come off, it can be damn lucrative: Domino estimates she hauls in around $US300 on a good day — although a bad day is zero dollars, and hours wasted. But it's enough for her to be completely self-sufficient, albeit weary of the whole thing sometimes. More concerning though are the handful of "true creeps" she runs into — the gents who aren't just pervs, but sexual threats. That's never OK, but the rest of the time, occasional criminals aside, the job sounds downright leisurely.

Are there any really common requests that you get?Their loved ones definitely know this is what they're doing for a living. She says a few of her friends know about her job and are "kind and understanding and have a sense of humour [sic] about it. She hasn't told her parents because they're not very close, but they're liberal enough that if they found out, she doesn't think they would mind. "There's a lot of burnout in this industry," Domino tells me over the phone from one of the three houses she owns in Wisconsin — one of them a lakefront property outside of Madison. She says it with a serious voice that sounds a little tired.One thing that I admittedly dont have control over, proven by the phone conversation that spurred me to write this piece, is the judgment that others will cast on my when they know that I do for money. Even those who know that as well as dancing, I am a student and hold a day job in retail. Its a shame that women are continuously told not to express themselves for fear of judgment and labeling. Why are we told that there are good girls and there are whores? In my life, I want to embrace every aspect that comes with being a woman. I want to be sexy and intelligent. I want to be passionate and headstrong but I want others to know that I feel too.

CONTINUED BELOW...

[number1alienlover]

dont reblog

I think the worse part about going through school as a mentally ill child is constantly feeling like you can’t relate to anyone, believing you’re on the outside looking in, and never being able to shake the feeling that everyone is looking right through you because you aren’t a real person. A lot of times, I’d find myself looking in the mirror and I would ask my mother, “Do I really exist? Is any of this happening for real?” I never knew why until I grew older, but she used to cry when I did that. I grew up in the 90s and early 2000s where there was unfortunately a lot of stigma and ignorant attitude towards mental illness. Where I lived back then, the idea of having a child who was the slightest bit different was considered something shameful. In fact, most parents would snap and fly off the handle if you dared suggest their child might be mentally ill. They treated it as an insult and we didn’t get any type of support. Hence why so many of my former classmates are now either in therapy, dealing with severe anger issues, hold so much resentment towards their caretakers, constantly in and out of toxic relationships, have grown to be abusive individuals with a multitude of issues, etc. The list goes on. I’ve had some of them commit suicide because the depression and trauma associated with not feeling loved, cared about, or protected during childhood was too much to cope with. I had a lot of close calls myself and I’m still a severely damaged human being who probably is never going to be normal. Failed suicide attempt after attempt and I suppose I stopped because it got tiring and I got annoyed with people worrying about me 24/7. When I was in high school, eating in the cafeteria wasn’t something I could do because being around so many people and so many wandering eyes would trigger an episode for me. I would think those people were watching me, trying to see what I was thinking, laughing at my thoughts, planning to hurt me in some way. The voices in my head told me I had to get away from them because they were dangerous. I’d either go find a quiet place to eat like the library or if I was desperate, a bathroom stall had to do. I was a quiet student who rarely spoke so a lot of my high school teachers liked me and would agree to let me eat in their classroom if they weren’t busy at the time. I kind of know they were only doing so because they look at people like me and feel pity for me. People who can’t function in society and need all the help they can get, right? To wrap this post up, I’m doing a little better as an adult. I get a monthly check because of mental illness, I attend therapy regularly, I walk or ride my bike a couple miles a day to help clear my mind (plus the fresh air is nice), and I have a part time job. I don’t keep jobs long because I unfortunately have periods where I can’t be around people due to feeling an overwhelming sense of danger and I’ll lock myself in my room for weeks at a time. And sadly, since the jobs I usually get have a point system set up, I’m fired within a week.

[dissirnulo-blog]

Hello! I just stumbled on this blog by complete accident, and it's interesting to read your posts about akechi! I'm sorry if this actually comes of rude or ignorant or whatever, but i'm genuinely curious about life in orphanages in japan. Your akechi seems to be awfully not fond of it, and i guess the same with go with canon akechi actually. What are you thoughts?

OH MY GOSH? im really flattered that you found them interesting, and im more flattered that you actually want to hear my thoughts on such a delicate subject. youre not being rude or anything!!

i very well cant give proper opinions on a subject without laying down the facts first, though, and surprisingly, other than passing mentions and links to an article or two, no one really talked about just how awful the system is in japan, and in turn how it affected goro, so let me talk about the system while adding in my own commentary

WARNING: WERE GOING TO SPOILER TOWN HERE.

spoilers and very, very, very, VERY heavy text under the cut. im so sorry mobile users

these are all articles i have bookmarked lolol i suggest yall read them but tldrs aint that bad too

What’s it like to be raised in a Japanese orphanage?

many kids that wind up in orphanages were neglected by their parents or suffered some kind of abuse from their parents. its also not uncommon for parents to leave their kids there simply because theyre too overwhelmed by the job

but even then, some (read: a whole fucking lot) of these parents refuse to let their children be adopted bc of a social stigma involving it. they cant support/cant take care/dont give a fuck for their children but theyre too scared of the shame that comes from getting their kids adopted to let them live in a family that can care for and love them. think about that for a minute.

these kids are sometimes called throw away children by society. goro is a throw away child, you can say.

the kids tend to form a hierarchical society where the oldest or the biggest kid orders all the other kids around. refuse to listen to them, and you get beat up. abuse and bullying is rampant because of this

a child leaves their orphanage at around 15 to 18. once they leave, any kind of support from the government is cut off. gone. nada. youre on your goddamn own. 

japan is a country thats held together by connections. you get a job if you have a good network to back up your credibility. basically, without any kind of networks, youre already ruined before you even got outside of that goddamn orphanage you live in

to add: its not uncommon to hear about orphans released from orphanages becoming homeless or unemployed, and without a support network, more often than not they also suffer from mental illnesses such as depression. or theyre also manipulated into committing murder. you know.

im gonna throw my assumption out here that goro most likely was released from whatever orphanage he was in when he was 15. not too long after, he had awaken to his persona, and thats when he approached shido. probably. if that were the case, then it would align with when the mental shutdown cases started: two years before the main game. goro died at 17 years old.

with these facts, we can assume that HE WAS LITERALLY A HOMELESS KID WHEN HE WENT TO SHIDO, AND HE WAS BARELY LEGAL WHEN HE DIED, YOU FUCKING MONKEYS

“When I was growing up in orphanages I sensed the staff was fulfilling their responsibilities but I didn’t feel protected or loved. When I had to leave the orphanage I was all alone. I had no one to turn to.” — Sayuri Watai, 27, founder of a support organization run by and for ‘graduates’ of childhood welfare facilities.

Japan: Children in Institutions Denied Family Life

basically, the foster care system and the alternative care system (aka orphanages) in japan are a fucking trainwreck, but thats the whole point of this post, so its not that surprising.

orphanages are just really fucking bad, theres not enough space, bad facilities, abuses from both staff and fellow children, that kind of shit

its also mentioned here how those who leave the orphanages have no support to help them ease back into society and again brings up the importance of having connections in japan

adoption is rare. by 2011, only 303 kids (out of like, roughly, 30,000) were formally adopted out of the alternative care system. more on Why later

childrens’ best interests are often set aside in favour of letting the parents or family, who put them there in the first place, decide what happens to the kid, which basically means if the parents/family of the kid doesnt want the kid to get adopted, then no, the kid wont be adopted.

basically, the system favours the stupid adults’ opinions over the kids’ wellbeing. as quoted from one of the careworkers mentioned in the article, “In Japan, the interest of the parents is seen as more important than the interests of the child.”

“The Convention on the Rights of the Child states that for the full development of a child’s personality, they ‘should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.’” 

hey so guess which persona 5 character never grew up in a family and ended up screwed up in the personality department and got so lost and confused with what he really wanted so he desperately clung to the flimsy fame he had and the idea of revenge and fake praises from a certain shido masayoshi? yeah i thought so

japan likes to cram all these kids into orphanages that, even though there are caretakers who do want to take very good care of these sad kids, there isnt enough staff to deal with them, and thats when what looks like neglect from the staffs part arises

the article lists testimonies from children and adults who are and were from these institutions. one of them, a one sentence testimony, stood out to me in particular: “I don’t have any dreams for the future.” it sounded so jaded and tired to me, and it makes me think of the last time we saw goro in the game. that really tired smile really hit it home for me. goro had goals, but what about dreams?

lets speak in hypotheticals: if goro managed to inflict his revenge on shido, and he won, what comes after? what will he do? he spoke in the ship about being heralded as the hero who took down shido, sure, but do yalls really think, after everything, he actually plans to get out of that goddamn mess alive? goro made it his life mission to ruin shido. nothing matters but that, not even himself. after all is said and done, it doesnt seem very plausible for goro to keep on wanting to live. theres nothing to live for, after that

Witness: Lack of Support in Japanese Orphanages

“Masashi cared about his appearance – he wore fashionable [ … ] clothes and had styled his hair – but a sense of isolation clung to him.” that sounds familiar but maybe thats just me

studies show that children younger than 3 who grow up in orphanages have the risk of delayed mental, emotional, and even physical development because of the lack of bonds with a proper adult or family. orphanages are also a really poor environment for older children, who most likely already experienced abuse in the hands of their families or severe trauma after losing their parents. either way, orphanages are just a really bad idea for children

the first two articles have mentioned this, and now this article mentions this again: kids who grow up in orphanages are often poorly equipped for the real world because of the lack of support after their release, and yeah yall know how they end up homeless and jobless bc of it

as continuation, sometimes, education for these kids are so poor that they get out of the system barely able to read or solve simple math problems. 

children get subsidies now (bc back then they didnt wtf). its around 55,000 yen, or 550 usd. they cant even get a drivers license with it, which also happens to be really good extra points for when applying for a job. another opportunity lost for them

Adoption in Japan Part 1: Why are there so many kids in orphanages?

this article focuses more on why adoption is so rare in japan and also reinstates some things that have been mentioned earlier, namely, childrens’ well being getting set aside in favour of what shitty parents have to say

majority of kids in orphanages have living parents who retain legal custody but are not raising them. because of this, they are not allowed to be adopted, even if the parents dont come back for them

for some reason, japan is really insistent on giving the parents full control on their kids life even though they already abandoned them. this idea is so strictly followed that even a baby found in trash cans or some shit are usually ruled by court as not allowed to be adopted in case the biological parents come looking for them. i know. its full of bullshit.

with that and the stigma of a family letting their kid adopted, it makes me think that maybe its why goro ended up stuck in orphanages and never lasted in foster homes. because despite being a good kid (which i actually think he was), he was never adopted bc his mothers family refused to let him be adopted. its really messed up

apparently, people think orphanages are “the right place for nobody’s children to be raised.” add in the “throwaway children” nickname from one of the earlier articles, i get where goros coming from with his whole “unwanted, cursed child” mentality, and why hes so desperate for anyones attention. spend your entire childhood having the idea that youre a throwaway child, that youre a nobody’s child, that your mother killed herself because youre unwanted planted in your vulnerable mind, and then taste praise for the first time despite it coming from the one person you want to ruin the most, no wonder goro was intoxicated by it.

while there are orphanages with staffs that try their best, sexual and physical abuse are still prevalent, mostly in private orphanages. though they are supposedly monitored by the government, those sent to inspect these private orphanages have little to no training for the job. most of the time, the inspector only comes for tea, then they fucking leave, and the abuses and badly maintained facilities continue to prevail

the article brings up again how children are badly prepared for the real world and are doomed to a life of hardship when they leave. it never stops

in japan, only middle school is compulsory, but most jobs require that you should be at least a high school graduate. only 10% (or lower) of kids from orphanages get to attend high school, because 1) getting into high school is like a super big deal and hard, maybe like getting into college, and normally, middle schoolers attend cram schools to prepare for their entrance tests, 2) these orphans cannot afford cram schools, 3) the government refuses to fund cram schools for these kids bc its also acknowledging that their public education fucking sucks and cant afford to get anyone into a high school

imagine goro burning his fucking eyebrows to be able to get into high school. although, truthfully, i wouldnt be surprised if shido had something to do with goro being able to get into high school, if we still go along with “goro approached shido at 15″ thing. but i stand with the whole “goro is actually smart and intelligent despite being a wack detective” thing bc lets be real, that shit he pulled in saes palace is fucking nuts. you cant deny the kids a genius in his own right

Adoption in Japan Part 2: Attitudes to Adoption

adult adoptions, the kind thats done by adults (duh) for convenience or inheritance etc etc, is a frequent thing in japan, but child adoption, the kind that we all are more familiar with, is apparently kind of a wack concept in japan. its entirely new to them. in fact they only legalised that shit in 1989

koseki likes to make everything complicated. its so fucking hard to describe, but its like a family tree of sorts, except when you (the mother) have a kid out of wedlock, youre not allowed to register your kid to your family tree for some fucking reason; you have to start your own family tree with just you and your kid. if you give up your kid for adoption and they got adopted, their name doesnt get removed from your family tree for some fucking reason, but the fact that they were adopted is noted in your family tree. and this starts the discrimination and stigma that comes from getting your kid adopted, and it makes parents who leave their child to orphanages unwilling to get their kids adopted. its also the source of stigma surrounding single mothers and children born out of wedlock. (hey guys guess whos both a kid born out of wedlock AND an orphan?????) NOTE: this is how i understand the concept of koseki so far, and i may not be 100% right bc that shit confuses the fuck out of me. idk. japan why

so yall know how obsessed goro is with being perfect—perfect grades, perfect public image, perfect everything? as it turns out, theres this stupid idea in japan thats widely accepted that “everything from your taste in food to the language you speak is biologically pre-determined” now that makes a shit ton of sense, considering the kind of person shido is. that fucking asshole. holy fuck.

Japan’s Forgotten Children

it says here that about 4,000 children were formally adopted out of the system, as opposed to an earlier article that says 303. i dont know which one is true.

this entire paragraph:

“Last month, a Chukyo Television director who was documenting this problem, asked a high government official why Japan had such a system, as opposed to promoting adoption and foster care like other developed nations. The man, whom I respect for his honesty, basically said that after the war there were many children without parents. At that time, many orphanages were built. So, that became Japan’s system to this day. Let me translate that for you…There are many jobs involved in this system. Plus, we don’t like change.”

orphanages run by the government receive funding based on how much kids they have, so more kids = more money, and that basically is also one of the reasons why no ones making an effort to get these kids out of the system. the kids are their means of getting free fucking money.

the government isnt trying to remedy this problem bc it doesnt want change, at least according to this guy named yamanta tokuji. hes an ex-child welfare worker who wants change, to put it simply.

he also says that living in orphanages for years damages a childs well being and behaviour. some who end up in family environments can develop reactive attachment disorder in which they regress to behaving like a baby.

the government wont tackle the issue “because it doesn’t want to know the truth and thus be forced to change.” yamantas opinion again

look, before anything else, i dont condone what goros done. shits fucked up, kids killed a whole lotta ppl, and he didnt fucking hesitate to pull the damn trigger on akira, but since this is fiction, context is important. if youre one of those people who simply dismissed goros character and went “eh. hes fucking evil with daddy issues” im just….. :(, bc you fucking missed the entire point of his character. its important to note hes the only teenage antagonist in a game where the adults are the Bad Guys™. i dont remember where i read this, but i (sorta) quote: hes a warning of what couldve happened to the phantom thieves, without morgana, without the support system that they had, without the positive influences that made them decide to do what they did. even yusuke acknowledges this, once they come back from shidos palace after Hell™ happened (i would have put a link to a photo, but where the fuck do i even find a pic of it).

i think that people seem to misunderstand goros character simply because of really fucking bad writing atlus COME THE FUCK ON they forget that theyre playing a game based on japan, where culture and society are very different from theirs, and in turn they dont understand the context behind goros backstory and how japans society views orphans and illegitimate children can really fuck with a kid, and okay, just because youre either of the two doesnt mean youll resort to murder, but 1) this is a modern fantasy game, where cats can become buses and fake gods can force a lonely kid who happens to be a wild card into the depths of hell, come on, 2) goro wasnt even the one who came up with the murders, it was shido. he fucking bragged about it in his boss fight you fucking monkeys!!!! i forgot to mention this, but shido also threatens goro if he ever so much expresses doubt

its also because of bad writing. its mostly because of bad writing. god. goro deserves better than this

goro was a vulnerable kid with powers, and that made him a perfect puppet for shido. imagine if he had known about changing hearts sooner, because no one ever told him about it. imagine if he was able to bring his wild card ability to its full potential, and dont even get me started with the fact that he was a wild card user. this post about wild cards and goro really makes you think, but that isnt the point of this post, so

anyway its 2 am im tired Good Night Have A Swell Night Sir

[health4homlesspdx]

Interview:

Caryn Berley, MSW

What does/did your position entail?

I was a housing case manager. I worked with adults experiencing homelessness through inreach rather than outreach, so we worked with people that already had some relationship with one of our shelters/organizations. These adults would find out about us, connect with our team, and our team would try to help with anything that was a barrier with housing. These barriers could be food insecurity, housing waitlists, housing applications, reasonable accommodation requests for things like disabilities. For example, I helped pay off someone’s debt that were from fines and money owed from domestic violence charges. I would do an assessment to understand their barriers and needs, often they were on fixed income so they were looking for subsidised housing.

What work does your organization do specifically? 

My organization, Join, was on a grant that was through the joint offices of homeless services. We work to provide support and resources for people experiencing homelessness. Join has a day space, provides showers and laundry and has case management. Specifically working with non parenting women often.

What barriers have you noticed on a small scale and large scale to access housing and health services?

Fixed income is a big issue with housing prices, even subsidised housing will take ⅓ of income. And a lot of people had a fixed income of like 700 a month, and if you take ⅓ of that, it's a lot. There are really limited resources for subsidised housing at all. Often, people had disability type barriers which kept them from increasing their income. Also, there was some bias against people without a housing history, so the longer you’ve been houseless the harder it was. As a cultural barrier, there was a culture of letting people stay with you, once you were no longer homeless. So, often people would want to have others stay at their house which was against their lease, they would get kicked out.

Trauma was a big thing. There is so much past and ongoing trauma, so there are a lot of things being overlooked like health issues, mental health issues, and substance abuse. Substance abuse is used to cope with homelessness but shelters often have strict rules against substance abuse. So, this leads to them either secretly breaking rules or going back to homelessness.

There's a place called Dignity Village I worked with, everyone lives in tiny homes and pays $35 a month. It’s self governed but a representative from JOIN would observe and advise the community. They have a desire for autonomy like everyone but they are being told very specific rules. They are being kicked out or something for breaking them, then they get cynical about the system but have no social capital. I saw a lot of women come back and be supportive once they got out, explaining that they (the organization) were trying to help and you can listen to them. 

My program was really cool about assessing their goals rather than imposing rules as much. I didn't even have to enforce sobriety unless it was part of their goals or plan or a shelter they were trying to go to.

Can you describe a situation you witnessed/experienced involving someone with both mental illness and housing insecurity?

A couple shared that when they were using they had much harder time working toward their goals, once they stopped using, they had more options. I worked based on the Housing First Model, which means if they can get housing they will be more stable and follow through with the service. The idea is that stable housing is most important, and more important than sobriety or other things, as a step to move forward.

Another couple, who had been staying in a shelter, had a service dog that really helped with their mental health but it was a pitbull that caused problems for others. So, trying to manage their mental health with the service animal but also trying to have a place to stay in the shelter was difficult. They had a lot of negative experiences in the shelter so it took a lot of resilience to keep trying. They had a lot of trauma and were aware of it but even making appointments with them was difficult. These types of programs put a lot of pressure on the appointment but mental health emergencies come up and prevent them from attending.  So, it makes them reluctant to even engage with these organizations.

Once, I worked with a parent and their adult child, who had schizophrenia. The son had a housing voucher through Home Forward and the parent wanted to be on the voucher as the caregiver, but parent and caregiver are differently recognized. His parent had a charge that prevented them from housing, though they were charged 20 years ago. I would write letters explaining how long ago the charge was and why they were capable of maintaining this lease now. So, I found a private landlord and the lease didn't say anything that would restrict them from obtaining this housing. The landlord even said no and I argued it because nothing was stated in the lease.We needed the son and parent to be in person to sign but the son didn't have a phone and we had no way to find him. Finally, I found him and put them both in a motel for the night, paid for it, and brought them the next morning. That day he was relatively coherent but more often he looked less presentable and like he was experiencing reality in a different way. There was a lot of prejudice, like “why would I trust you to live on my property.” But the whole thing is this required tons of overtime work, it wasn’t easy. I’m pretty sure the landlord kicked them out shortly after.

What do you hope to achieve individually and collaboratively within your organization?

Big picture- I want more awareness about how the situation isn't usually how it appears and there is so much more going on beyond what we see. Especially compared to media portrayal or what you might see downtown, that isn't the whole picture. One person I met with was really excited about moving forward, they expressed interest in taking Rent Well classes and if you complete those, you have a portfolio of references, history, credit checks, and things to help you get housing. They were working part time and were really motivated, but then they never showed up to the classes and never communicated anything. So, for myself, I wanted to be compassionate toward everyone I was working with and have them feel trust, support, and feel deserving of support. 

What advice would you have to Portlanders not experiencing homelessness on how they should get involved, what stigmas are present, etc? My biggest advice is to acknowledge the complexity, I think it's easy or comfortable to categorize things in one way. I'll hear that people are choosing to be homeless or people say “I can't even afford a place so why should someone not even working get one.” Trying to understand there is a culture barrier, even if you seem to present in some similar ways. People are in different situations. Hearing these peoples stories, I realize no one is that far away from experiencing houselessness...a lot of people lived a middle class life and then things happened. It's easy to dismiss but it's more powerful to challenge our own assumptions instead.

For getting involved, I dont think it's for everyone. This particular issue can do harm if you bring certain attitudes in. So if you can't help in that way, put financial help in. Join is grassroots and radical so that's a great place. Challenge the conversations around the issue- why are we putting the housing crisis on those people when this is a systemic issue and there aren’t enough resources or resources are not given to everyone. If you really want to know, go to a shelter to see what it's like.  People say, “you don't have to sleep outside, you can go to a shelter,” but shelters are often full and often not safe spaces, like for mental illness. Think about how hard it is to have roommates, now imagine having 50 roommates while you are going through so much trauma and everyone else is experiencing trauma. Imagine your life without ever having time alone, imagine a life without a place to decompress. So, just realizing that everyone is doing the best they can with what they are given and a lot of people are given a shit hand.

[witchdoodle]

random dalish headcanons

halla are not raised for slaughter like goats or sheep, but when they die of illness or age or accident, every part of their body is used, to honour their life. usually a funeral is performed first. things like halla leather and halla horns are very expensive because of this; it’s rare the dalish will sell either to non-dalish, but the high price those goods fetch when sold to shems is a pretty good source of income if they get really desperate.

halla milk is definitely a staple of their diet though. halla milk isn’t as sweet as cow or goat milk but it is HUGELY superiour in terms of fat and protein content and makes really tart, tasty cheeses. you milk a halla for the same reason you milk a cow, it’s good for them.

all dalish can understand halla, who do not talk but make themselves understood to elves. it’s not just reading their body language like you would a mabari or a cat, but neither is it verbal words nor telepathic thought. the process is impossible to explain to shems. “you just /know/ what they mean,” lavellan says to cullen after trying to explain it to him for like an hour.

dalish spirits are strong as fuck, but their wines are typically shit, and mostly used ceremonially. that varies by clan, location, year, and luck, though. sometimes you forage some good shit.

lavellan was BLOWN AWAY by the ABUNDANCE of readily available sugar in haven and skyhold. sugar would have been an expensive luxury to his clan. that and the idea that shem are used to food just being like… delivered to them is like ????????? to him. most shem have never even butchered a chicken in their lives????????

like city elves, dalish marriages (they dont call it marriage, but lbr it’s marriage) are mostly arranged. dalish clans that we’ve seen are mostly small, and after a while everyone in it would be related to everyone else in some way, and i hc that they’re you know, intelligent enough to recognise incest = bad. there’s no stigma against a love match, it’s just kinda rare bc most of the people in your clan who you spend 99.99% of your time with are like, your first cousin. so chances are once you’re an adult your keeper eventually arranges a match, and it’s not like YOU MUST MARRY THIS PERSON OR BE CAST OUT FOREVER it’s like hey i found this girl from another clan who i think would be perfect for you, you should spend some time together and see if you’re into it. 

for them, it’s about tracking bloodlines for the purpose of knowing who everyone’s parents are; “pedigree” is a non-issue, unlike human nobility. you’re not matchmaking for pedigree kids, you’re matchmaking to create healthy, long-lasting, loving relationships that produce happy, healthy, supported children. 

family lines are tracked through the mother. they have no word for “bastard”

the attitude about homosexuality varies wildly both by clan and individual, but nowhere is it forbidden, no one sees it as inherently wrong or sinful, it would be refusing to reproduce that would be the problem.  at WORST, the attitude would be that it’s a selfish individual choice.

like the qunari, the dalish see transgender individuals as just being the gender they say they are, because surely they’d know best, right? nonbinary individuals are not unknown to them, and elvish has always had gender-neutral singular pronouns, and gender-neutral forms of gendered words, like lethallin (masculine), lethallan (feminine), lethallen (gender-neutral).

trans and nonbinary individuals are widely viewed as special and important. shem don’t understand but fuck ‘em.

kicking out mage children to die in the woods is stupid. if i HAVE to acknowledge it as canon because apparently it is now, i hc that was that an extreme minority view. one or two specific clans’ stupid decision is NOT a common, widespread practice. if a clan already has a lot of mages and is worried about templars, they make contact with another clan to harbour the mage child until a more permanent placement can be found. elves do not fear magic like humans do. magic is a precious commodity, and a USEFUL and RARE skill. it is a gift to them, not a curse.

dalish religious ceremonies involve a lot of song and dance, especially call-and-response type of songs. a lot of their song uses sounds that aren’t explicitly words, necessarily, but which are loaded with meaning anyway; this is a result of them substituting what they’ve lost of elvish.

they don’t really have the space to be hauling books around. they have an oral tradition, and most dalish are functionally illiterate in terms of the common tongue. they don’t really need to read. that said, some choose specifically to learn, and keepers/firsts usually make the effort to learn, since they’re usually the ones preserving and studying ancient elven artifacts which does include some books and scrolls.

their history being mostly oral, they also use song as a teaching tool. it’s much easier to teach a bunch of six-year-olds history lessons if it’s presented as catchy songs.

dalish dancing is way more expressive and interpretive than ballroom dancing. it’s meant to tell a story, not follow a set of rules, and how good you are at it is determined not by how well you follow predetermined steps but how good you are at getting your point across and how creative you are. your dance should make your audience *feel* something.

it’s also how the Youths flirt with each other, you gotta really practice ya moves for the next arlathvhen cuz what if neria from clan whatever thinks ur a scrub... ya gotta Bust A Move...

they craft elaborate costumes for their dances. everything on those costumes is symbolic in some way, meant to express something.

generally speaking storytelling is SUPER important to their culture. much of their values are taught by fables. elvish is an inherently metaphorical language, this has always been the case.

all dalish are taught to track and hunt with bow and arrow. obviously some are better at it than others, but everyone learns the basics just in case. everyone learns to provide for themselves just as everyone learns to defend themselves. children, men, women, elderly, everyone learns.

dalish courting involves a LOT of gift-giving on both sides. usually one party initiates it with a gift, and if the other party is interested, they return with a gift, and so on and so forth, the purpose being to show mutual commitment to providing for each other. it’s not regulated by gender roles.

the vallaslin ritual involves taking just enough lyrium and felandaris to trip balls and go into the woods and have a spiritual experience. used to be elves would take lyrium and meditate and receive a message from their chosen god, and that’s how you picked your patron, but the gods aren’t listening anymore, so you just kind of have to have your own epiphany about life and culture and yourself and stuff. it’s meant to purify your mind and clear any lingering fears or doubts away. then you purify your body and the keeper mixes your blood, their blood, and the keeper’s magic into an ink they embed under your skin.

vallaslin is applied when you are ready, not at a certain age. some get it as young as fourteen or fifteen, others have to wait until well into their twenties. it’s about maturity and being ready for adulthood. 

nobody has ever failed the ritual. that is, sometimes people can’t do it on the first or second etc attempt, but nobody has ever PERMANENTLY failed to complete it. a keeper who senses that a young adult is sensitive and might not do well at it is likely to encourage them to get a small design. it’s a keeper’s job to see their whole clan safely through the ritual. if someone fails, it’s as much the keeper’s failure as theirs.

everyone in the clan has a “job,” but if you’re not up to speed or where you should be, the keeper intervenes, finds out why, and fixes it – whether that’s through counseling, or assigning extra training, or figuring the individual just isn’t suited to the task and finding them something else that brings them pride to do instead.

they bathe a LOT, cleanliness is super important to them. shem stereotype them as being stinky wood savages but nah, once or twice daily bathing is widespread practise, and they’re super careful about keeping their water sources clean. 

nomadic life is hard as shit. most clans lose a couple members every year from age, illness, accident, starvation, or shem interference. some years are harder than others. babies and the elderly are especially at risk.

there’s a dalish saying of “two keepers, three opinions.” the arlathvhen can get… heated… with debate, but nobody takes being argued with personally, because if you can’t defend your position then it’s a bad position. debate is a bonding activity. it’s the keeper’s job, also, to make sure everyone’s opinion is heard.

you will pry shoeless elves from my cold dead fucking hands

[tumblunni]

Let’s ramble a bit more about Changeling Sim ideas! This time a bit about the awkward lil royal family and their interlocking relationships~!

Kiddo

It our deuteroganist! Hello! The protagonist’s cute little daughter is actually the next heir to the faerie throne, sent to be raised by her as a challenge to prove that the human world has good in it and is worth saving. And also secretly because Xana Mega is pretty awkward and cute under her scary facade, and was worried she was too distant to make a good mother to her child. In the golden ending you can help patch up their relationship, even though Jackie is still the one Kiddo knows as her true mother, and her biological parent becomes more like the family’s aunt. Kiddo is technically half human, but it’s not because Xana Mega married a human or anything. Fairies don’t follow biological genetics, theyre grown from giant flowers after all! Xana created Kiddo entirely by herself, and she acquired her human side solely from being given to Jackie to raise. Baby fae are more metaphysically squishy than their older counterparts, the classic changeling ploy is simply to replace a human child with a fae baby and it’ll naturally shift into the shape of the human. For a time they’ll be just that- a fairy wearing a disguise. But if they don’t know theyre not human, they’ll grow into what they’re taught and completely transform into a real mortal around puberty. Changelings do tend to retain a heightened sense to the supernatural and occasionally a few odd abilities, but generally they’ll never return to what they once were. Traditionally nobody had a choice in this whole matter, it was a very sketchy and horrid practise of ancient fae who didnt even respect humans as real sentient people. But in this case Kiddo wasn’t replacing an existing human, and she’s being raised knowing of her origins. Eventually she’ll face the question of whether she wants to stay or return to being a fairy, but it’ll be 100% her own choice. Similarly, it’s her own choice whether she wants to take the throne or if she finds a different career choice during her adventures in this other world. Many endings for you, the player!

Xana Mega

The current queen of Mag Mell, an ominous towering figure who rules with strict efficiency and commands the current anti-human war. Everyone’s pretty damn scared of her, and she lives a very lonely life disconnected from her own people. Despite her frightening persona and dedication to all things rational, she’s called for this mysterious truce for the next 18 years, and is permitting certain humans to enter our realm?? Truly the queen works in mysterious ways... but is she going soft...? Deep down she’s really a kind person who feels she has to put up this front deliberately in order to retain order. Its half that and half not really knowing how to function well socially, since she’s been groomed to be a ruler from a young age and had to live with a distant father. Because she was scared she’d repeat his mistakes, she gave her child to somebody else... but ultimately has she just become the same absent parent? It doesnt matter, because at least the kid will have a good mother, even if it isn’t her. But the decision does haunt her, and she’s both excited and terrified of the day she’ll see the child again on her 18th birthday and she won’t recognise her. But hopefully (if the player does well) she’ll be able to see that Kiddo has grown up into a wonderful young woman and had a fullfilling life that makes it all worthwhile ^_^ Ultimately if you’d ever get to know the real Xana beneath the royal role, she’s a slightly adorable awkward dork with a weary sadness yet a childish joy for experiencing new things. When you’d given up hope on this stuff, its hard to restrain yourself! Its possible to get a super secret route where Jackie romances Xana and Kiddo acquires DOUBLEMUMS~! And they’re super cute going out together on Real Authentic Human World Dates while Xana flails happily like this small hotdog stand is disneyland. Who’da thought that after the war ended, the old queen would become a human world weeaboo as soon as she set foot in our dimension? ^_^

Alberich

Xana’s father and previous ruler. Known as the Good King, he was responsible for starting the grand reforms of society that Xana continues nowadays. If peace is ever achieved between humans and fae, he was the one who sewed the first seed even if he didn’t live to see it sprout. Despite his success as a ruler, he was pretty flawed as a father, and passed that on to his daughter. He couldn’t completely escape the trappings of ancient fairy tradition, and his daughter was mostly raised by maids and tutors while he remained just this distant silent figure she could never reach no matter how hard she tried. She never even knew very much about him since he died when she was young. The young queen was just left with a million different opinions everybody else had on him, coalescing into an abstract cluster of an unknowable, empty pillar of ideal regal emotionlessness. .....Of course, the real Alberich was just as far from this as she is! To those who personally knew him, he was a complete softhearted goofball whose overidealistic ramblings would surely doom the whole country. And isn’t that just why he’s so loveable? Ultimately, his failure as a father was just that... a failure. Xana tried to justify it as if he’d made the right decision to be distant, and she should become the same sort of person, and take it further to become distant to even her own citizens. But Alberich never pretended his decision was the right one, he was a good man who despite his best efforts didn’t know how to raise a child. He had no-one to learn from, and his fear of messing up is what caused him to flee from the concept of parenthood entirely. He thought that hiring the best educators and minders would help compensate for the ways he was lacking as a dad, never knowing that all his daughter wanted was the one thing he could give- love. :( In the end he perished sadly to a simple disease that could have been cured if the country’s infrastructure wasn’t so ravaged by the war with the humans. His decision to prioritize the remaining money towards protecting the citizens was what caused him to waste away from a simple fever. While a certain someone raced against the clock to fetch the medicine on foot, arriving just late enough to miss the chance to hold his hand as he passed away...

Rafferty

A simple court jester who was promoted to the king’s butler and eventually promoted/demoted (?) to the finance minister after the new queen took the throne. Why is he even in the royal family section...? He’s always been sort of a stuffy grumpy neat freak, but he used to be a symbol of fun amoungst the court once. Now he’s just become bitter and hateful, leading the anti-human sentiment and questioning the country’s leadership at every turn. He’s globally hated by all of his coworkers and suspected of being corrupt- he was the major scapegoat for the culprit in the king’s death, and never managed to shake the stigma. He’s only really here and has any sort of power because the king’s will secured his position for the foreseeable future. He’s also hated because (GASP!) he’s a disgusting former human turned fairy! In his former life he was a homeless peasant in the 1800s that Alberich brought home one day and hired as a servant. Everyone humoured the king with his new pet, but it started to get ridiculous when he gave the thing legal rights and a career! It’s tradition to just consider a fairy a fairy when they become one, and forget about whoever they were in their past life, but gossipping housewives like to ignore this rule and hold it against him anyway. Its also kinda why Rafferty has such a personal hate of humans, he used to be one and he’s seen nothing but the worst side of them... His role in the current story is really just to be a small obstacle in plotlines, and a possible befriendable character. I’m an optimistic person so I like stories of cliche ‘evil vizier’ type guys having more complex motives and being able to be redeemed in the end. In the end you can discover that the real secret behind him and the king was that they were actually dating, and Rafferty really was loyal to the kingdom all along. And he endured all this hate for so long because he doesn’t want to tarnish Alberich’s memory by letting people know about their affair. Xana is actually his biological daughter from when he was human, making him Kiddo’s grandpa. Neither of them knew this fact though, and in fact Xana was one of the people who hated him the most. She just knew him as her funny friend who kept her company when she was lonely as a child, one of her father’s servants who seemed to care about her more than the rest. So she took it as a personal betrayal when he was suspected of killing the king, and kept believing it well into her adult years. Its gonna be a messy reunion for them when the misunderstanding is all sorted out, but a happy one too, hopefully...

+++

A slightly unrelated side note but I ideally wanna make a full cast of court employees and lesser nobility! At the moment all I have is Rafferty, unnamed scribe dad and kiiiinda a cupid type figure I dont know much about yet? I dunno, I just got that concept in my brain while I was thinking about Raffles and Ritchi’s past back when he was king. I imagined maybe Rafferty did have at least one friend amoung the royal court who knew about his relationship with the king and supported them. And it sorta came together in my brain as some sort of champion of love and justice, and maybe designed around a traditional valentine’s day fairy cliche. But like a world weary chain smoker one? BUT still one that really is a kind loving figure, not a dark subversion or anything. I just feel like they’re someone worn down by seeing injustice in the world, and questioning other people’s definitions of love that’re being forced upon them. Someone who was doubting this country... I get the feeling they’ve left the plot by the time we get to the present, but I don’t know if they died or maybe they just left the country after the king died and they’d lost their last hope the place could change. But I do generally think maybe everyone who was in the fairy court back when Rafferty was jester is now dead and/or gone, he was the youngest member then and he’s the oldest one now. And he was hated by all his former friends, they died, and now he’s left being hated by all new people... But yeah I just have this good image of some broken but kind person finding a tiny bit of happiness realizing grumpy old rafferty found love, and reassuring him that they dont hold the same stupid homophobic ‘no dating humans’ views that everyone else is pushing. A brief bit of calm before the storm, making it even sadder that cupid just wasnt strong enough to keep trying after that hope died, and ran out even on rafferty, their last friend... I guess... a Nanu cupid?

[dmallpersonalblog-blog]

March 15 2019

Today was my first day of therapy. it was a nice change of events in my current headspace and a step in the right direction. For the longest time I was afraid to admit that I needed help. That maybe I really couldn't do everything alone or in private. 

After my session my first immediate response was to eat a cheeseburger, and damn do i regret that. Greasy food and all that doesn't settle with me and I had to put in double the time at the gym to burn off the calories. But, i guess thats why they call it stress eating. The gym has been a good outlet lately for my stress and anxiety and all the sadness i’ve been sitting on for so long. A thing that I do want to change in regard to that is I find myself repeating either “Dancing in the Dark” by Joji, “Crying Over You” by Honne, or “Almost (Sweet Music)” by Honne. All good songs on their own, but just have a deeper personal feeling in regards to my mental health and this overwhelming feeling of sadness or missing my ex. Something I want to try and do is just refer to her as my ex versus her name. In essence ridding myself of her name so theres no hope of getting back together. But fuck. I do miss her. 

Back onto topic for today, my first instinct after my appointment (and cheeseburger)  was to put my chair back in the car and call my closest friends. I wanted to call my friend Monica, but with everything going on lately its just so hard to dial those numbers or to see the responses she sends me. It feels like she doesn’t even care anymore. I always though that our friendship was something that transcended time or the long periods of maybe not saying anything. I felt like i’ve been there for her when she needed it, but the one mental breakdown since HS, and she’s nowhere to be found. Its ok though, I’ll always have love for her and I want her to be happy especially if she found someone she can love also. It just hurts not being able to talk to someone that you need to.  

I really wanted to call Ashley today also but I know she has work. I sent her my previous post yesterday and I felt like she didn't really read it or acknowledge it. It’s okay though. Im sure she has life and work and her own shit going on. Something I need to realize is that everyone cant be your crutch or your lifeline and people have things they need too. I wish her the best.

The talk I had with Derek today was a bit hit and miss for me. I appreciate that he listens and lets me open up to him about stuff, but when he said that he doesn’t know or think depression medication is something he believes in or wants to do kinda upsets me. It was hard for me to open up about it, for as long as I can remember its always been a sign of weakness and its very hard to open up about stuff like that. It is what it is though, because I am getting help to benefit others and not everyone. Something thats new to me. Doing stuff for myself mentally. 

The best medicine lately has been talking to my friend Jessica. Originally I just thought it would be nice to talk to someone whose been over a recent breakup lately too and we could be sad and emo together and shit. But honestly its been a lot more than that. It is nice to talk to someone that gives a shit to be frank. Someone who acknowledges what I’ve been going though, someone who just thinks i’ll instantly get better with time and recognizes the work I’ve been trying to put in to better myself. When I called her she just seemed so proud of me that I took the step to see someone and better myself. She didn't make snide comments about needing possible anti depressants. She just made me feel safe and acknowledged. The only thing I can really hope for tbh. Definitely someone I can open up to and share my journey with and when it hopefully ends one day, we can both look back and smile because we got through it together. 

In regards to my therapy. I want to be more open and honest with my therapist. It felt like she knew what I was going through and had sympathy. She made me feel like I wanted a reason to live. A reason to keep on going. She told me to go easier on myself, something that I really want to do. I want to live for myself and not for others. I don’t want to burden people. I don’t want to let people know that i’m struggling so bad that sometimes I lay in bed and think that if I jumped off a cliff everything would be ok. I hate that it takes me forever to get out of bed because this paralyzing sense of fear and embarrassment creeps in and makes you hide under the covers and make you think about all the good memories you had in the past 4 year and replaces them with the love you thought you had sucking another dudes dick or laughing at you while she gets fingered by your ex bestfriend. Depression feels like getting a dick constantly jammed into your ear. It sucks and it hurts and why the fuck would you even want a dick in your ear. I hate that we broke up and I also hate the feeling that maybe I needed it to discover more about myself and my happiness. TBH I wasn't happy the past 8 months. I was only happy when I was with her, and thats something I need to change. To be happy on my own. But, i wish i didnt see that youtube search awhile back. Or to see her moving on with someone else, that would hurt way too fucking much.

Other than talking about myself and my issues, we talked about the term co-dependent and what that means. I feel like I was so codependent on her that it was hard to do things on my own. That i wanted to spend all the moments i could and when she wasn't able to, what was I supposed to do? I loved her so much and even after 4 years I loved her as much as our first time together, or our 1 year anniversary. Or just laying in bed kissing and promising our futures together. I love deeply and passionately and I don’t want to be ashamed of that. What is so wrong about loving your partner to the fullest? Caring about their future, and their well being and how they are doing. But recently, I feel like if i were to even go back into the dating scene I couldn’t. Hook up culture scares me. Sex without love scares me. Finding your “soul mate” scares me, because I dont even know what I want yet.

My therapist said that we did spend our first 4 years of our adult lives with each other and not knowing anything else really hurts you, especially with a clean break from each other. I just hope it gets easier with time. I’m hurting and it really shows.

I need a break from social media for awhile. I need a break from my feelings for awhile also. 

In regards to my mental health though... there are still a lot of days where I don’t want to do much and I do think about just ending it all. But I know i cant do that. I dont want my parents or relatives or friends deal with that and emotionally fuck them up. But, I also want a reason for me not to end my life and want to live versus wanting others to want me to live. I just need that reason. 

Im stressed out about finding a job. I feel like if it was hard to find one in CA, it might be even harder here. Im stressed out about my living situation. I just wish they wanted me here more, or that I didn’t feel like an nuisance or a bother. 

I wish I had more friends out here to hangout with or get a drink or just do something fun. Its been lonely if im being 100% honesty. I’m so grateful for my sister though, shes been helping me out so much. I love her so much and I just hope my mental health isnt fucking with hers. She deserves the world and more. 

Im glad i’ve been writing these blog posts to empty out my emotions and all those feelings. For the first time in a long time i’m hopeful for the future. 

ALSO; i’m nervous about anti depressants. Theres such a stigma towards them and I hope i don’t become reliant on them just like I was reliant on my ex. But, deep down I know i need them to be better and feel better. 

If you’ve gotten this far thank you for reading and letting me vent out my feelings and my hopes and sadness. I hope I can be a more contributing member to society one day.