#i dont know. im just enduring | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

medicalunprofessional · 9 months

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flood

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#caligosto loboto #dr loboto #psychonauts #nightmaretheater #if you havent noticed i reaaally like flood by tool #this took 10 hours combined time of drawing 🕊️🕊️🕊️redid the sketch like 5 times lik #this is actually kind of personal to me….#as a child i had a reeaaaallly oppressive fear of my house flooding #like. i couldnt bare to hear a faucet running. thats how bad it was #all those flood damage relief commercials on tv scared me.#i very distinctly rememebr on of a house flooding thru the floor vents very quickly. and at the end the front door broke down.. scary #the psychological damage young me endured from the commercials #also ignore the wonky perspedtive on the crib i kind of exploded after trying to perspective for like an hour straight #its okay. it works. geometry is just weird in the psychonauts world #sheds a tear #oh the horrors..!.!.!!.! yipes #this is my ‘bobo exposed heart image’ to the cycle knots fanbase. real ones would know #drawing this was an experience man #thats why i vanished for a bit… sorry. ‘hey johnny got into str-‘ dont care im making a masterpiece #okay enough rambling im sorry #tips down glasses. send post

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lateseptemberdawn · 1 month

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Learned about the Egyptian lore about how men (as well as women) were granted period leaves bc since the women would need rest the men would have to do the work women usually do (around the house or in general even)... It was called smth like "on leave - woman bleeding"

And the reason I got reminded of this is bc I've been insanely sick since the last two weeks and just when I started feeling the teeniest bit better (yesterday) I got my period (not much to bleed since I ate barely nothing but I've been feeling faint the moment I sit/stand up) and my mother was fasting the whole day so now she has an insane headache and my father - well aware of both our conditions - has the audacity to tell me to do stuff (help him in the kitchen I'll be honest he's not telling me to grind a mill no but to make dough and then rotis which if anyone knows is fucking tiring esp for me since I fucking hate doing it). I'm so angry that I just went with it. And my mother had to legit tell me to stop for that man to realise I've been deadly sick.

Men do not deserve the position of authority. They simply don't.

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lab-gr0wn-lambs · 7 months

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I think one of the biggest things that's helping me feel more certain in my transition is the realization that I am extremely good at enduring. I've learned to endure pretty much anything. I can be in a situation that I hate and just switch off and ride it out until it's over. When I was a kid it was because there was nothing I could ever do about it. I hate long loud boring gatherings but I'd have to stay until my parents took me home many hours later. I hate traveling but I'd have to endure it for weeks. It's taught me a great deal of patience, I do it all the time now. I endure long journeys, events I didn't want to attend, trips I didn't want to take, people I don't want to hang out with... It's an important skill to have. but the thing is, I was subconsciously planning on doing that with my gender dysphoria for the rest of my entire life. I WAS doing that for years, not even trying to explore what that horrible feeling was. I'm the endurer! I endure! I switch off and ride it out until it's... over.

Maybe this isn't one of those things I have to put up with. Maybe it's time to stop enduring my life and start enjoying it.

#hey look it ends on a haiku #aint that neat #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #personal #i will say ive been much worse at enduring things in general lately #probably why im just now realizing this whole trans shit #jen if you're reading this and thinkin ''bitch you aint endure those last two family trips very well'' i knOW dont worry i know lmao #and this isn't me being like ''oh woe is me to be invited on a free vacation so horrible'' i just find traveling an unpleasant ordeal #im a creature of habit i need space and freedom and quiet but i come along to be polite and sociable and grateful #but i hate traveling. ough.#anyway theres that disclaimer ok bye

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volivolition · 4 days

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Idk if you saw or not but a new chapter of the fury of a shattered mirror dropped last night! I haven’t read it yet but I thought I should let you know 😎👍

awughgh HELL YEAH!! ive been away from my laptop for a while so i didnt see, thank you birdy!! :] this is the best news ive had all day hkjgh <33 excited very excited going to read it now <33

#volta transmissions #SKILLS ARE BACK BABEYYYYYYY!! ehehehehe :] oh i LOVE seeing them come back from just ''??????'' SMILES REALLY HAPPILY #welcome back to the world little ones... oh im so happy to see them... :'] ''You do you softie'' EHEHE... skills interactions :D! yay!!!!!#okay i'll add more liveblogging in the tags as i go probably hkjhg <33 i appreciate you very much birdy <33 #''the avant-garde prick is just making shit up again'' HAKJDHKJ... ''You did us proud holding out til the end'' WAH... ENDURANCE... ;O;#WELCOME BACK ENCY SMILES!!! no motorics skills yet though thats to be expected hkjh <3 ency ''you have the facts'' and #empathy ''and the emotions'' HKJGH IS THAT A FACTSFEELINGS SKILLSPOSTING REFERENCE /J lots of voli talking!!! very happy about this <3 #VOLITION - ''if we had the logician here...'' ''...'' ''damnit i thought that would work'' HAHAJKSHDSKJH SMILES. HA.#''Punch something. maybe Coach will show up'' HHFKJH... oh my god this makes me so happy... cmon we gotta get the gang back together...#half light!! hello!! my darling!! LETS GO!! ough buT NOT ENOUGH TO GET ARMS BACK NOOUIGHJ MOTORICS WHERE ARE YOU LITTLE BUDDIES???#''try to get eyes back online'' ''come on come on--'' OUGH I LOVE... i love how theyre all supporting each other as they come back online..#TEAMWORK!! CMON LETS GET EVERYONE BACK!! YEAH BOI WE GOT A MOTORICS BACK UP!! HELLO PERCEP! calm down! you need composure in here!!#THE JOYWIRE... OUGH STOP STOP IM SO FOND... VOLI CMON. nooo ourgh takes damage... ''You were really gonna cut me out?'' AWAH... WAHHH!!!!!#ow my heart my HEART. chemi baby my little darling... hugging him kissing his forehead... THERES OUR LOGICIAN HELLO DARLING!!#hkjh trying to cue in interfacing DAMN :'] good metaphor anyway concept it was very well laid. voli keeping track of each of them too hehe #HI DRAMA YAYY! platonic love story! friends!!! ''Neuroplasticity's off the charts.'' ''I'm surprised you know a word that long that isn't-#'''amphetamines''' ''Dextromethorphan asshole'' HAJKSH YOU FUCKING TELL 'EM! YOU'RE NOT E-CHEMISTRY FOR NOTHING!!!#again with trying to get Phys back in hkjhg INLANDDD SMILES HI THERE DREAMER!! Logic just like ''yeah. i hate it here.'' ''have you tried?'#HM NO INLAND I DONT THINK WE HAVE HKJHG... /FLAGRANT DISREGARD LETS GO LETS GET IT/ SHIVERS MY DARLING!!!#okay this is the 20th tag. hopefully a reblog will be enough to finish out my thoughts but god knows i have so much to say hjhg

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faggotslime · 2 months

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I started doing self help DBT and it's already making a significant improvement

#personal #talk #mental health #ive recognized that i started experiencing psychosis but have probably been experiencing a.... year long episode....#its due to all of the constant non-stop trauma ive been enduring #physical emotional and psychological all at once #noticing things veing off but redusing to believe myself #to the point i started having delusions that people were stalking me and listening to me through my walls #i know damn well thats not happening but intrusive thoughts dont care #atleast now that ive recognized whats happening i can start tackling it and getting better #but its fucking crazy nobody aside my closest friends (3) have seen it or given a fuck #everyone else just wanted to believe i was a terrible person and hold me emotionally hostage #i cut the toxic coworker out of my life last weekend btw #and im getting a new job as soon as i have a reliable car #i just need to save $700 more and im good to go

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mummer · 8 months

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lasted like 100 pages into wot book 5 until i was immediately hit with the most egregious gender essentialism ive ever seen in my life and had to put it down and be angry. Just another day in the robert jordan coal mines

i hate your shit ass worldbuilding bro 👎👎👎👎👎👎 You’re bad at this

#wot read #i know the guy saying this is like. Somewhat evil. But i have a feeling it is just simply what robert jordan believes in his heart.#AND mat and rand are gonna be separate all book AGAIN and i have to endure EVEN MORE AIEL DRAMA I DONT CARE ABOUT DUNE LITE WILDLINGS LITE #Im gonna start hacking at people with knives

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imflyingfish · 8 months

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Aggh feeling super proud of myself like im getting on so well atm im learning to drive and im learching french and my art is going really well and ive been enjoying spending time with myself and ive been organising more things for my future and now it feels possible and i hit that deadline and ive been more equiped to deal with things that definetly would have given me a breakdown in march and like. This year is going to suck and im not getting everything i want done but its not going terribly either

#ive had a lot of anxiety issues this last week #i dont have anxiety but i do get anxious most days but im able to get past it #but idk i had a session today and it was positive and it was good to catch up after last weeks was cancelled #theres some things i want to do more of like i want to learn more guitar and i need to do more revision but im also. im improving myself a #lot more #like after learning blender (althpugh ive forgotten now lol) anytime im like man i wish i could learn ____ im like... well i learned blende #its cheesy but its given me a LOT more self confidence in my skills both academic and creative #i sometimes feel that im fucking stupid but like. im also not #idk i just dont think im as far off as i thought #and im SUPER syced to be learning french and spanish #its a LOT more work than it was like last week but honestly i think im going to settle back into it #and im like. okay if i spend 4 years learning french/spanish. i may not be fluent #but i sure as hell wont be any worse #also i know like LOADS more spanish than i thought #anyway im super proud of myself for kicking myself into this #I watched a youtube intro in french and UNDERSTOOD IT IMMEDIETLY TODAY #well it took a bit of concentration but u know #and im watching and listenimg to french/spanish media and its really interesting and fun #my endurance in spanish is not as gpod as in french #and usually id type this out in either blog but my energy is just out for today #but i'll be listening to music and just hear words and its insane how much i can pick up while doing coursework or whatever its amazing #i feel annoying when i talk to other people about it but. oh well i sometimes just get so excited about it #im NOT good. but hey its been 4 months learning french and. about 3 days learning spanish lol

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savage-rhi · 11 months

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#hey I've been on a bit of a hiatus with writing and other projects #answering this cause ive had some anons asking for updates on drabble requests #leaving a toxic job that I endured for a year #getting a new job and new enviornment #finding out I had a whole ass other family I didn't know existed #and trying to keep up with the cost of living has taken a huge toll #on my mental health and wellbeing #to the point where I had to take time off my new job and go on a peer respite #i got back the other day and I'm doing better #but my mental health isn't 100%#and my chronic pain has been fluctuating a lot cause of stress #i know i don't owe anyone details about what i go through #but i like being transparent #and this makes it easier than answering 6-10 anons asking me for an update #i am not sure when im gonna fulfill drabble requests but they'll come when they come #and you can keep sending in stuff i dont mind it at all #just know i gotta take care of me right now #and I'll be slower answering stuff #take care of your mental health and bodies the best you can #im always rooting for ya #and to end on a good note #i got accepted into a masters program for clinical counseling and therapy #only 25 people could get in and somehow i got it #idk how im gonna get financial aid for it but im gonna try #im excited and nervous #i might have more vo stuff coming too idk yet but im trying not to do too much at once #if yall could do me a solid and drop something cool in the comments and let me know how your life is going id love that #especially if you got good news to share #i could use more of that right now #love you guys and here's a hug and a biscuit from me

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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year

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Suddenly realizing I've had seizures before :0 but this was just the first one where someone who knew what it was was there to witness it (my girlfriend)

That's so cool and definitely not terrifying /s

#for context i dont spasm uncontrollably like people imagine seizures #i think from the outside it probably just looks like im having a bunch of tics and staring intently and being unresponsive #but then afterwards i end up being really confused and disoriented and forgetful #so its been very easy to forget about the seizures i had in the past because i didnt remember them #until just recently when i was like 'huh that felt familiar-'#from my perspective though its like uh idk its really weird #its a bit different every time but just in general #i tend to be unresponsive even if i can tell whats happening around me #i cant talk or control what my body is doing but i know what part is moving (usually jerkinv my head or arms)#my muscles feel either really rigid or really lax #and then my vision gets so weird #everything is sparkly like colorful static and the edges of my vision gets really dark #and there's intermittent flashes of lights or floating shadows #it feels like im extremely focused and very spaced out at the same time #i keep describing it like my brain is smashing all the buttons at once cause thats what it feels like #its also kinda similar to the feeling of being electrocuted? but i dont think many of you will know what that feels like #hopefully you wont at least #i just happen to #its like a weird buzzing just under your skin that doesnt exactly hurt but doesnt exactly not hurt either #it would be like the pain of a constantly tightened muscle- not painful at first but like strenuous to endure ?#and thdn painful if it stays like that or gets worse #i feel like im not allowed to say i had a seizure because i cant go to doctors about it so i cant get diagnosed >_<#but the thing is not bei g diagnosed isnt gonna stop me from having them #yay denial /j #im hoping theyre just dissociative seizures because god i cannot deal with epilepsy on top of everything else rn #and also because i cant see doctors right now sooo #god im exhausted and scared but i feel like those words dont even measure up to how im doing right now #i dont know. im just enduring #thats all i can really do i think #but i hope i dont have to much longer...

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aria0fgold · 4 months

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I never thought tofu could be this terrible.

#aria rants #i been attacked bro. my stomach been attacked. my entire system been attacked. oil is this bad bruh. my tastebuds--#i love tofu. fried tofu especially its very yummy and then you dip it in sauce? yum #but god... this tofu so bad bruh. its so bad help it felt like... it felt like... so bad. i cant even explain how bad it is. its just bad #i ate 3. and yaknow what? its like so moist. watery and i was like: oh. thats fine. no it wasnt. it wasnt fine #told my mom bout it. turns out she accidentally used so much oil on it cuz when she was frying it. the oil just kept disappearin #and im like: well... no wonder. the tofu absorbed it all bruh was i the first one to eat one today. why must i be tortured so #ate some cheese flavored potato chips. not enough. that oily taste still in my mouth and stomach #i dont know what else to eat to get rid of it i might just drink milk at this point cuz god bro. its so bad...#is this why my stomach strong cuz it has no choice but to endure whenever im tortured by food and terrible life decisions

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pinolitas · 2 months

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my dad is the reason I am a terrible friend. all I can do is find flaws in everyone and not accept them for those flaws because I keep finding flaws in myself and not accepting them just like my dad!!

#GET OUT OF MY BRAINNNNNNN #I'M SO HORRIBLE I KNOW THAT I SHOULD STOP AND I TRY TO AND THAT'S WHY I ENDURE #I PUT UP WITH THE FLAWS BUT DONT ACTUALLY ACCEPT THEM SO INSTEAD IM JUST MISERABLE #DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING I CAN'T HELP IT I THINK I SUPPOSED TO ENDURE BUT IF I ENDURE I JUST END UP BUILDING RESENTMENT #I CAN'T EVER ACCEPT ANY OF IT #WAH WAH WAH #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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daechwitamv · 3 months

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got invited to a drag show tonight but cant go bc my damn ass body is so unreliable haha cool

#if i go i know I'll suffer the entire time + takes an hour to get there so even if i leave half an hour in im still gonna be out-#for 2.5 hours. which is 2.5 hours of pain i just rly dont wanna endure today #on the other hand i love drag shows and i wanna see people im so fucking lonely out here #my girl is on vacation and i like that i have the apartment for myself for a while but at the same time shes my safe person #going out without her is hard and also sleeping and waking up and getting up lol #we out here struggling #i missed ranting on here this is good for my soul i think

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anxsity · 4 months

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#man. sometimes youre 13 again laying in bed fully dressed and you just. can't get up.#and i know i need to. i have to get up and eat and take care of myself but im just. /so tired/ of enduring #thought i was doing so well not breaking down considering everything. but its not like i really have a choice.#and i just wanna pull a blanket over my head and wash it all out. wake me up next year i dont wanna do this one

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