#probably why im just now realizing this whole trans shit

[hiroshotreplica]

im sorry you probably dont want this in your askbox but i dont really think it makes sense to talk about madness and leafi the same way for a lot of reasons. Idk maybe im just seeing a transgirl getting relentlessly dogpiled because of old screenshots and having an over-empathetic response but fuck man she was 13 when those screenshots were taken. Shes not even 18 right now shes crazy young for her level of play (like literally should be community banned for lying about being 13 for multiple years during splatoon 2 to get around discord community guidelines but thats a tangent). She said in her apology she was trying to fit in with a real shitty group of people she doesn't associate with anymore and fuck man im probably giving herself way too much grace cause i seeing a terrifying exaggeration of something i went through on a public scale but like people are editing HER face onto memes and talking shit about HER and constantly misgendering her when madness is not only an actual adult but has been ACTUALLY DOING THIS SHIT RECENTLY. im not saying the shit she was saying wasnt heinous but fuck man this isnt gonna help her and i dont want the dumass bullshit she said when she was a middle schooler to ruin the rest of her life. sorry for the white girl mental illness blast but there is important context in this ranty anxiety and projection goop

anon asked for a tldr for the situation w/ jackpot as a whole, which included leafi's part in the situation. as the post was about how jackpot as a team has made racist statements. i chose screenshots that put my point clearly, which just so happened to be screenshots with madness and leafi. i'll go more into it here, though

i did not mean to compare her to madness when including screenshots of her old statements. i was compiling the most blatant screenshots from the thread i had originally linked in a prior post. i was going to include other things, but didnt have the time to compile them and was beginning to get stressed about being the source of this info on tumblr.

i was also going to include this video of her saying racist statements in 2024, but i didnt want to include a twitter link for an anon that couldnt access twitter. im realizing i shouldve done so

i do feel bad for her getting involved with a group of people THAT bad if she was truly that ignorant when she was younger, but thats where my sympathy ends. she still acted racist and still associated with clearly racist people even when she was older and more mature. ive learned since making that post that she was born in 2007. 16 is still an age where you should be mature enough to understand that those comments are racist, even with america's shitty public education system glossing over racism.

i definitely see why this can look like people dogpiling on a trans woman though, and the people doing memes and editing her into them in general about this situation are disgusting. i had no idea she was trans and that people were misgendering her. anyone making this situation about her being trans are awful and not people i stand by.

but all of that, including her being skilled despite her age, still doesnt forgive or erase her actions. nothing like that does for the other members of jackpot that have also stated racist things. nothing like that does for any other comp splatoon player that has said anything similar. the apology she put out was needed, but from what ive heard from others, it wasnt the best. she is writing another apology, though, so it couldve just been rushed.

no one has to accept her apology, either. as a white person myself, im not one that should even be one to accept her apology. it wasnt an apology for me, and it isnt one for you, either (if you are white as you say but i might be misreading). people should not be painted in a negative light for not accepting her apology even if it were an amazing one.

the way some people are reacting to this situation is not okay, but she still did awful things that she should be held accountable for. the other guilty members of jackpot are not better than her, but theyve all still said fucked up things. none of them have done anything to prove they arent racist, and theres only more evidence coming out that proves that they have been, so its hard to process at the moment.

could things change? yes, of course, but as of right now, leafi has stated racist things as recent as 2024 and put out a poor apology trying to defend herself. people are handling it poorly and trying to make it about her identity and making memes on it when it is not the right thing to do. these racist claims are being put w/ other racist claims made by other jackpot team members so it was included in my tldr post about the entire situation.

i apologize for poor wording in this, im not the best w/ these kinds of posts

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

I think one of the biggest things that's helping me feel more certain in my transition is the realization that I am extremely good at enduring. I've learned to endure pretty much anything. I can be in a situation that I hate and just switch off and ride it out until it's over. When I was a kid it was because there was nothing I could ever do about it. I hate long loud boring gatherings but I'd have to stay until my parents took me home many hours later. I hate traveling but I'd have to endure it for weeks. It's taught me a great deal of patience, I do it all the time now. I endure long journeys, events I didn't want to attend, trips I didn't want to take, people I don't want to hang out with... It's an important skill to have. but the thing is, I was subconsciously planning on doing that with my gender dysphoria for the rest of my entire life. I WAS doing that for years, not even trying to explore what that horrible feeling was. I'm the endurer! I endure! I switch off and ride it out until it's... over.

Maybe this isn't one of those things I have to put up with. Maybe it's time to stop enduring my life and start enjoying it.

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[coldresolve]

rambling again but now its about trans healthcare and mental health. and the danish nhs' take on both those things which is, yknow, shit

its less rambling and more of a rant bc im tired lol

i read a statistic today that suicidal ideation for trans people who sought medical transition but were denied treatment rose by 67%. which was affirming in the sense it made me realize that maybe im not a pussy for being pretty badly affected by my last 2 denials, but also its depressing in the sense of like, good god, please just allow me to access the healthcare i need. what the fuck

i was at my GP a week ago and asked for another referral, and he was like "well its only been 5 months since they refused you last time". and i told him they wouldn't even agree to the 6 month full team psych eval that preceeds any actual prescriptions of hrt, they just called me "unstable" after a 1 hour conversation in which i specifically directly told them that i know myself, i was in a stable place in my life, im settled in my decision, i know the risks, i'm well aware of the scope of treatment, this trans thing isn't some recent thing for me, etc etc. they called me "unstable" and denied even evaluating me for treatment, because i was only 3 months in remission from a major depressive episode. which isn't a good prognosis for a trans guy who's had to deal with chronic depression for the last decade and a half. when will i ever be "stable" then? it's not like they gave me a clear timeline. (also - as if being denied treatment ever helped any trans person with depression lol. again, that statistic huh). i told my GP i want to put pressure on them, because that's literally the only option i have right now for recieving healthcare. and even after telling him all this it took a good 10 minutes of conversation before he agreed to give me a referral

and im not an unreasonable person but if they refuse treatment again im gonna file a complaint with the patient rights thingy, even though i have never filed a complaint about anything before in my life. im willing to go to the media, idgaf. i just want to be treated for dysphoria instead of being left to deal with it on my own, in the way i have been since the first time they denied me. i'm not "unstable". its been a year. i want medical care. that's it.

and the most infuriating thing is, this whole process is kinda showing me exactly why i'm not alone in this? a THIRD of transgender danes get prescriptions and surgery referrals outside the nhs, either gendergp or the black market or whatever. i don't understand how more people aren't appalled by that statistic, in a fucking supposed welfare state. like what do you want us to do? "they're self medicating" say the danish critics of gendergp, and yep, that's how it works. a person with chronic pain who gets denied treatment will probably also look for alternatives. what else do you expect them to do? are they supposed to just... be miserable?

moreover, what do you expect low income trans people like me to do, who can't afford gendergp because the cost of living crisis + insufferable rent leaves us with basically no disposable income? yo, quick question, bøgens fædreland,

what the fuck do you want me to do

[gagsolineoilrefinery]

brian headcanons? pretty please

Smiles so big and wide at you yes absolutely I love that little freak

putting under a read more for convenience's sake

- I'm 100% a Bug Brian truther, that man is an insect you can't convince me otherwise, I like to think he can make weird little chittering noises and climbs up walls with his hands and feet for enrichment

- He's trans and has no last name because he didn't care enough to pick a new one so he went with none, acts all mysterious about it because he thinks it makes him look cool

- This man needs glasses so fucking badly but after a litany of "nerd" comments growing up he refuses to wear them, has attempted contacts but cant get them in his eyes for the life of him

- He would genuinely rather die than go to the factory, he does all his needed repairs on himself unless he's forced to (usually by Ben or William)

- He gets along with his co workers in, his own way when he's forced to interact with them. He does not understand how to behave "appropriately" around other people, he's my favorite rude autism icon (he is going to insult your intelligence at any given opportunity with what he sees as good intentions and does not understand why everyone hates him)

- I'm also a Bellthinker truther I think that british man should kiss that bug right on the brain dome and make him so flustered his systems soft reset

- Every time theres a meeting that he's in the second he's at the front of the room the entire mood changes because everybody knows he's gonna have a whole presentation planned thats no less than 1 hour long, and he will yell at you if you try to stand up for any reason

- I like to think living in the heart of toontown (right in the playground no less) definitely has some side effects on him, the silliness is rubbing off on him more than he realizes, most obviously things like his brain exploding comically when he starts baby raging

- Im sorry this man is absolutely a cog reddit user (coggit? idk) you can't change my mind, hes a power mod and proud of it, keeps getting talked to for using it on company time though

- He's very attatched to the Desk Jockeys but absolutely hates to admit it, I like to think its a Dr. Robotnik with Scratch and Grounder type dynamic (thinking especially like that one scene where Robotnik says "I don't even know why I bother to repair you guys, I suppose I'm too sentimental" shit like that)

- With his dynamics with the other toontown central managers, I think he actually feels very guilty about the incident that happened with Buck- but instead feigns a petty hatred for him so nobody will ask him about it and he doesn't have to admit how monumentally he fucked up

- He's on relatively chill terms with William, they're both angry big mouthed autistic people who do not know how to shut up so they mesh pretty well, I think they like to fight eachother to let off steam and then makeup immediately after, Brian isn't too fond of the whole oil leakage problem thing though because it makes a mess of his basement but he doesn't exactly hold it against him since he knows he can't help it

- When he can spare the time he loves poking around in the systems of his co workers just to see how they operate out of morbid curiosity and to see how he can make the jockeys more efficient, he's on that medic tf2 shit, not many of them let him do it though (understandably so)

- Probably went to whatever the cog equivalent of medical school was but lost his medical license after The Buck Incident™️

(And I think thats probably good for now because I am dangerously treading the line of infofumping about my AU sorry I have so many thoughts about this creature)

[these-posts-arent-real]

Oh StarClan... your dash has turned into warrior cats again.

#sorry <3 #this one has parts that are based off of that #one post rhats like "if there were cat-people #do you think calico tboys would try to dye over their patches"

2 notes

🔁 🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

Me & Night (my mate)!!!

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

:O Kip's mate has finally been revealed!!! And his name is Night? Cooool.

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

Yeah haha. Technically his full name is Night Hunter, Bringer of Darkness, but it feels so weirdly formal calling him that, so I usually stick to just Night.

#life #kittypet #collar tw #cw collars #id in alt text

8,504 notes

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

I find it really funny when I see cats on here vaguepost about big blogs. Like cmon mouse-brain everyone here knows who you're talking about. Just say their name.

#this is about that one mommy blogger shitting on kipper the kittypet #btw #in case some of you couldnt tell #would be funny if it wasnt so stupid

12 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Hahaaaaa.... my mother found out ive been slowly dyeing my ginger patches black...

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

Why would you do that??? Being a tortie is so cool, I wish I had ginger patches! They're so pretty, why do you want to get rid of them???

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Uhm. Gender dysphoria??

Like. I know cis male tortoiseshells exist but they're so rare that most cats take one look at me and go "oh, tortie, must be a girl" and that hurts.

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

OH STARCLAN im so sorry Rot i wasnt even thinking about you being trans, I probably sounded really insensitive... I do understand what you're saying now.

Didn't even ask, how did your mom take it? Does she know why?

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

You're fine <3 I get it. And no, she uh.. has no clue why I did it, she thinks I'm in my "emo phase" or something.

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Uhh unrelated but what do you use to dye your fur?? Asking for... science...

#"science" meaning i am also a tortie tboy #well technically i'm calico but ykwim

46 notes

🔁 🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow reblogged

🦢 gentlesong-momof17 Follow

I can't be the only one here who thinks it's unfair to allow kittypets on this site. Posting pictures of themselves and their mates inside of the twolegplace, influencing the young kits on this site to abandon their Clans... surely everyone else sees the problem with this as well.

This is Clanblr, not "Kittypetblr". This was specifically made as a space for Clan cats to connect, not for kittypets to push their lifestyle on us.

They're going to convince our kits to abandon their home and their belief in StarClan just for a more secure life.

#EXACTLY #I only recently found out ex-tc Kipper was a kittypet #it was so upsetting to me because i've always loved his wood-scratch art #to find out he's a clan-abandoner was so saddening

2,447 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

The recent drama surrounding Kipper the Kittypet is sad and I hate that he's being bashed just for existing, but it's also incredibly stupid. I believe the cat who wrote the original post said something like, "it's CLANblr, not KITTYPETblr," and then something about belief in StarClan and I just... do you even realize how many Clanblr mods are non-Clan and/or don't believe in StarClan?

To name a few, @s-t-a-r-burning is former WindClan now rogue & openly an atheist, @theshadowhaseyes has been a kittypet his whole life, and @ssuunnrraayy-p has made zir entire blog about how ze travels from one Clan to another & doesnt consider zimself a Clan cat. Those are all mods. "It's clanblr no-" shut up. Just shut up.

245 notes

🧷 name-lists-by-theme

Theme: Water

as always, these work as either part of your name, but they are intended as the first part!

-Abyss

-Bay

-Bog

-Cove

-Creek

-Current

-Dew

-Fog

-Lagoon

-Lake

-Marsh

-Mist

-Pond

-Pool

-Puddle

-Rain

-Shallow

-Sleet

-Spray

-Splash

-Storm

-Stream

-Torrent

Keep reading

383 notes

🐱 berrrrry-o Follow

I think a lot of cats put way too much emphasis on the parts of the warrior code that dont matter, and forget the parts that do, like "feed elders and kits first" and "never neglect a kit in pain or danger"... I feel like those are significantly more important than "a warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet," but maybe that's just me.

#berry yaps #I'm irritated by the kittypet drama going on on this site

16 notes

🔁 🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow reblogged

🔲 sag3-chas3s-squirr3ls-deactivated

I feel like we don't talk enough about how SkyClan got chased out of their own territory during a time of crisis rather than all of the Clans trying to make room for everyone...

I mean, seriously. I know it's taught to all SkyClan apprentices, but I've talked to some of my friends from other Clans and they just. Didn't know that. They were never taught that the other Clans allowed SkyClan to be chased out due to territory loss.

🔲 sstep-xoxo-deactivated

:/ im pretty sure the whole thing about skclan being kicked out of their territory is just a conspiracy theory

🔲 sag3-chas3s-squirr3ls-deactivated

Imagine trying to tell a cat that they don't know their own Clan's history 💀

#ohh i finally found it again #that 1 fucker trying to say that skyclan's history is a "conspiracy theory"

20,056 notes

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

:/ I do not like being stuck on the wrong site.

[fangtastic-vampyra]

SRA DREAM/RANT/The Cursed Monthly Gift/Contagion

Being miserable. From. My family. Like I keep dreaming I am walking around naked lol. Maybe cause the blankets are heavy? Irl? Or just feeling way too open and such, online, yet some say vulnerable is strong. But anyway, once I found some clothes um, I was asking if my cous could be my roommate, and they say we get "another patient" as a roommate, it was like a sort of um, HUD thing? Well. I went off. Said I am leaving there, and everything, and going to take over my mom's house. WHICH was like a pt3 from a dream of a Hurricane happening in LA again, and I kept asking people to secure my stuff, I really am not rich enough to buy the 3RD round of clothing and tech and everything. (I also dreamed I was THE JOKER in a movie, starring me.. and had like two boyfriends and two girlfriends lol)

Um, cont with this recent one from a few hours ago... Telling them (my family) abt me with the suicidal ideation within it, dr knows, its just a side effect of being trans, and not as tall as i think i "really am". Like. Begging them to bring me back across the lake and stuff. As we would say. Ugh. {Thirty minute drive.}

Before I passed out, a voice told me, that I was pretty much (my balcony oversees the lot, obv, but like REALLY, does, our location) abandoned here, she/mum doesn't care if i have food/money/etc, and with the schizophrenia (being like jimunji) as it's, V2K DEW EMF SPRITE AI and Handlers, Im often spinning/out of it/dazed feeling... Like they know you have mental probs but expect you to "act" like you don't? How could you even comprehend that?

So I found some guy that cared, he looked me up all over internet from a FB dating profile. Guise, be careful what you put out there. Me? I figure I'm just..dying from Covid anyway..and The Contagion...

Feel grouchy, breasts are feeling uh tenderness or wahtever, prob starting period, but I really dont think thats what it is "spotting".

...my fucking dumb ass. had sex with this guy but like WHY does woman have to be the one "put a condom on please" like Im not doing okay... adjusting to this whole "society as a targeted individual with people who come to the house with rx psychiatric meds"--Pushin going to a DR with me. it could be side effects of T/Estrogen.

This guy is like a handler and that. Dont you know in 9 months. Dont you know child support and that. Idk I was looking at TV and it said abort. Idk probably lil antichrist in there.

I dont even want to be here, alright?

But as far as no one ever loving me, as some mistake of God, a baby would love me. Forever.

Fucking dudes. Weirdos.

Im weird. No. I realize. I am perfectly naturally fucked up from this HORSE SHIT. I have to now take responsibility as some kind of uh. Fuck up. Fubar. I dunno. We shall see. Stupid woman body. Cant even really stop itself from being pregnant. Its just..the dumbest shit. Yeah pills? I pass out. Surgery? Demons. Lots of them. Uhhhhh idk. Kinda hung up on a kid loving me. FECKING LIL RETARDED ASS CHICKENS KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF UNWANTED PREGGERS. (They can get rid of the sperm ugh) HUMANS? NO. This is so fucked up. And politicians and all like want us to have babies in our tummies. Where are they when this baby is hungry and sick? Stealing my Fucking money, calling me an undesirable, and whathaveyou. Prolly, you know, tilling him/her to the grave,

[nerves-nebula]

no worries about rambling! There was a time period where I had a few more voices and (not saying it's the same) I miss mine too. I'm pretty sure we got like this out of loneliness too, we never really fit in growing up (to a more extreme way.

We spent majority of our time alone and it was common for us to spend days to weeks at school without saying more than a word or two. At one of the schools I was at after a year of bullying the next grade thought I was mute :/)

Goals idk they are hard to set? For me at least anyways. The other guy really wants us to go into animation or psychology, and like I know I'd enjoy that, but I also know we don't have the money. We weren't exactly helped into any post secondary and it would take a long time to get the money for it so it remains more a "what if" than a "one day" sort of thing.

I admittedly aim low and just want to survive, I don't really have goals beyond that (idk why). That stance will probably and maybe has left us with less opportunities though so ?? If we lived where we used to there was a really epic and not horribly expensive animation program we could have done but where we are now it's all either super expensive or not worth the money.

hmm other life goals is hard because we were forced to rely on ourselves a lot, including like for friends, family, parents, teachers, etc? We never found a group of people we fit into and we have trust issues so it's a challenge there lol (at best we were tolerated, but pretty much got bullied in the different schools and our home life was questionable). So like we've never thought too much about goals past "what will the next day bring and will we survive it".

Plus it is so much easier being friends with your head partner than it is to try and make friends IRL when it's practically impossible LMAO

However..

we both agree that it would be nice to move out from where we are now (ran away to some random place lol) but I take more of a stance of "it would be nice but idk" while my head partner is more like "I am filled with a deep and unending desire to reshape reality to get the hell out of here" so that might answer your question in a way??

(to add, we aren't in a terrible situation. Just renting a room from some creepy guy plus whatever the hell the local parts of the ""family"" has going on).

IDK if I have DID specifically but we're making it work. We do need to get more food soon though so if you have recs for easy things to make feel free to share haha (half joking, you don't have to!!)

THAT is actually completely fair. FUNFACT about me: I'm dead set on graphic design now, but before my mom forced me to apply to colleges, I desperately wanted to learn how to wrap cars. I had a graphic design internship and at one point they brought us to this local design company and they talked about all these specific niche jobs and ONE of these jobs was wrapping cars.

as in, like, applying decals and full body car wraps and shit. I really like the idea of learning a trade/skill like that and just doing THAT as a job instead of. this whole big conceptual graphic design stuff. Plus the course cost a couple thousand and compared to college that's. WELL. That's a fantastic price to be fully certified in a job!

downside would be working with Car People which isn't great cuz I'm trans and I PLAN to be visibly transgender for a long time so. that prolly wouldn't have been great.

but i didn't have a choice so im in DEBT now instead :) but its not really that bad. I like my college, it's a really good school and i love the professors. I just also like to COMPLAIN.

nobody thought I was mute when I joined high school but I would often go entire days without speaking hah. I also got bullied but didn't realize it was bullying until later hah.

and because I couldn't just make up friends in my mind, I instead focused on my characters becoming friends with each other. escapism and all that.

man idk about food. I just raided my college's food pantry for mac & cheese on the way out though so maybe that? Mac & cheese, various noodles are also pretty cheap, and so is soup. idk I kind of dont like food though (I have avoidant restrictive food intake disorder lol) so I mostly eat heavily processed or very bland food.

oh, another question! Which one of y'all is in charge most of the time? Is it a voice in your head situation, or can y'all actually switch who controls your body?

[summercurial]

probably not the most responsible (or perhaps even moral?) thing to post this on here but im. idk kind of spiralling so why not.

warning for like. some serious sadposting personalposting selftalk nonsense.

so, im prone to feeling trapped and freaked out and wanting to break up with people. its like, a thing i do, so id been experiencing the thought "fuck, should i break up with aidan?" on and off for like, months now.

yesterday was valentines day. i suggested we get lunch at a diner. i had this thought beforehand, when i suggested this, that we hang out we end up just cuddling or having sex, and not really talking, or if we do talk its basically just boring small talk type stuff. so i thought this would be a good chance, to yknow, really assess our talking ability. and fuck, it was just small talk, the whole time, the drive and the diner and the drive back it was like. idk. we couldnt break through, we couldnt click. and its been almost two years! of course with a 2 month gap, and then a 4 month gap, for canada, but still. we should have closed this distance by now

so anyway we have some good sex which was nice and all and then he leaves and i think about it and i think hard about it and i realize *fuck*, im gonna break up with him. and i dont like. idk, i wont want to break up with him exactly, but i also dont want to stay with him. this far in i shouldnt be so judgemental of him, there should be stuff i really admire about him, and there just...isnt, really. hes so damn nice and im such a bitch but i cant just pretend im not, yknow?

so anyway yesterday i hugged my mom and started crying, about this whole thing, because i havent learned a thing since i was 16 i guess and think i can trust her

and then last night he texted me drunk saying he wanted to talk about his gender stuff, and today when he came in i couldnt stop crying (i dont entirely know why. school has been hard. i reread TNC. the whole potential breakup situation), we cuddled and i cried into his sweatshirt and felt like shit and i managed to get it under control enough to ask him what he wanted to talk about gender stuff, and apparently his therapist says he should talk about with me, and that he should come up with a fem name for his therapist to use during sessions, and fuck like. idk. im...attracted to masculinity! idk, fuck! like. i have enough neurosis around this stuff that i really dont think i can date another trans girl, but apparently when he talked about his gender stuff with his ex she freaked out and thought he was trying to break up with her and it fucked him up and FUCK i dont want to fuck him up even more, but i cant like, induce attraction i dont feel yknow? and also like, being attracted to the masculinity of someone who doesnt want or like it makes me feel shitty, so. fuck.

i feel like it sort of. idk it sort of fucked us that we got together at the beginning of the pandemic? like thats not a super healthy environment for a relationship to form. hes been the vast majority of human contact with people other than like my mom

i cant tell how much wanting to break up with him is legit and reasonable and how much is me being self destructive per usual

so um. yeah. that aidan situation is not great. also im going back to canada in a little over a week

[surpriserose]

Chris can u please please fancast part 8 I need to know how bad it would be

God.......these keep making me realize idk like any of the big actors now or at least the ones under fucking 40 now who the fuck are any of the 25 year olds playing high schoolers now and why do they have rabid fanbases the second they come out of the factory

Anyways major jojolion spoilers ahead 🥰🥰🥰

Josuke is dylan sprouse because they wanted to cast cole sprouse to get the jughead vibes but they fucked up. It works way better though because dylan is extremely confused the whole time because people wont stop calling him cole and referencing riverdale and it transfers to his acting <3

Yasuho is hunter Schafer because i can and will make trans yasuho canon idc also i get closer to googling euphoria cast more and more each time i do these and im sure she would do a good job playing yasuho because yasuho is gonna be an angsty manic pixie dream girl now :)

Rai is adam driver which is bad casting because adam driver has no ass and hes gonna play rai as very serious but like a broody sexy serious way so its even more inaccurate........reylos become railos

Joshu is ben platt who still thinks hes playing evan hansen if only because he can also pull off the lmm shitting his pants pose. Joshu becomes a misunderstood soft boy UwU 🥺

Norisuke is willem dabestie and he is losing it every scene especially compared to all the bland actors hes surrounded with like just imagine what would happen if he guest starred on riverdale and also had to be one of the 50 dilfs

Daiya is OBVIOUSLY katherine langford from 13 reason why because shes your new favorite actress from your new favorite show :)

Hato is scarlett Johansson because it would make me cry hato is gorgeous and im sorry scarlett Johansson is one of the ugliest women Hollywood tries to sell to me shes nothing

Jobin....who is the least dilfy actor...hmmm...david harbour the fucker from stranger things sorry he was a dilf in season 1 but 2 and 3 were very 🤨🤨🤨 i dont like the way youre interacting with your love interest mister and thats exactly what happens with jobin he is no longer peak wifeguy

Mitsuba is like...so im trying to get someone to capture the vibes of leonardo DiCaprio ditching his girlfriends once theyre like 26 but with jobin and mitsuba so im thinking like omg lili Reinhart the bestie the icon betty from riverdale herself <3 im actually not being sarcastic for once i think lili reinhart is really good but mitsuba is going to be a total ditzy trophy wife so like riverdale lili Reinhart is stuck making the best out of a role she's too good for idc

Omg i almost forgot kaato im so sorry kaato i want real milf hours so sigourney weaver idc shes hot as shit kaatos hot as shit listen i think we deserve ONE good casting and this is it

Tsurugi is like okay i know hes 9 but theyve got like a cgi reneesme baby thing going on and you can clearly see the actors just holding a doll in half the scenes

Kei is taissa farmiga you know the lady from like American horror story season one/three and like nothing else? The one whos like peak go girl give us nothing most of the time? Yeah shes kei because kei was also given nothing 😔😔😔

Kira is im sorry for going for low hanging fruit again but its timothee chalamet they have the same swoopy hair thats enough for me and i think he can probably pull of total asshole bad boy but women love him anyways because who fucking knows and kira is no longer just some weirdo hes a heartthrob 😔😔😔 i think for the flashbacks they make kira the popular bad boy and josefumi the nerdy nice boy fighting over karera

Josefumi is holy shit does anyone remember ansel elgort he used to be so big he was the hot young marketable man for a while despite his last name sounding like off brand gogurt but anyways hes mr the fault in our stars so you know hes got the right vibes of ya love interest for fanon josefumi

Karera is like fuck it shes Jennifer Lawrence she started acting again just in time UwU and they strip karera of all her actual weird girl tendencies and make her an omg so relatable quirky woman who somehow still has no personality

Tooru is the reigning king of fluffy hair andrew Garfield because everyone loves him but he doesnt get to have his cinnamon roll hair thats TOO fluffy and theyre not gonna pay makeup and hair ppl jack shit. I think mx. Garfield is totally down to play tooru and he can definitely do it like just do whatever he did in the social network i guess but the director is like no....be a nerdy awkward uwu man until the big twist that youre a villain 😮😮😮 and it doesnt work at all so tooru becomes a jumbled mess </3

Other notes

Yasugap canon....but at what cost...

Tooru x josuke is the reigning mlm ship and rai x yasuho becomes the reigning woman ends up with a man she detests ship because omg she can fix him even tho rais like fine and also every interaction they have is an argument

Kaato now only committed a little bit of accidental murder because we cant have women with flaws and actually doing awful shit also she and norisuke get back together

Daiya doesnt like prog rock now shes on stan twitter instead and thats half her personality just like it is for meeeee <3

I think the writers are really torn between making joshu purely a misunderstood nice guy or making him the incel that he is and making jokes about that so they do both and it ends up really gross but its not treated like that

I probably should have casted holly but im like 95 sure this becomes a total romcom with the main struggle being like josuke being torn between yasuho and karera since hes now the perfect man for her since kira and josefumi died and combined dvshjsjs meanwhile yasuho is torn between josuke and tooru

Kei is now a closeted lesbian with a crush on hato who is cishet 😔 and thats her conflict honestly wouldnt be surprised if they completely erase her being kiras sister

.....dance party ending

[tendercoretroglodyke]

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show. 

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment. 

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute. 

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

So ok, i was hoping if you could do a compainions react to a trans male sole losing a fight with some transphobic (+ homophobic for male companions) raiders?

(I hope you enjoyed!!)

Let me just start by saying this, the companions will absolutely do their best to fuck their shit up regardless- you’re their friend, in some of their cases, the only friend they truly trust.

—-

Things were going so smoothly.

As per usual, a typical walk down the eastern coast of Boston resulted in stumbling upon some less than savory characters- but that hadn’t been an issue before. Once the two of you had finally stumbled upon mentioned characters, you gave each other a knowing look before engaging in combat.

One thing led to another and somehow they got separated from you, the realization of such causing their breath to hitch- worried eyes scanning all around in hopes of finding you. However they not had to look for very long-

“Yeah that’s it! Fucking tranny, cowering like the little bitch you are.” Somehow, someway..this person got the jump on you. What was to be an easy shot to their head quickly went awry whenever they struck your hand with their tire iron, proceeding to heat you back until your leg swayed from beneath you- your body succumbing to the sheer pain of a few broken bones.

That’s probably why your heart beat several pumps a minute, having had to force yourself backed into a crate wall in attempt to escape.

“Heh, shame. You’re actually kind of cute, for a dude with a pussy, at least.” The sickeningly spat, their fingers fidgeting as they readjusted the grip on their weapon- raising it, about to swing...until-

<Special!>

Dogmeat:

As though it wasn’t bad enough that the person his precious sole was fighting with was being aggressive, they were also saying these weird things too? Oh hell no. As soon aa the German Shepherd got a good shot, he’d leap above your trembling form and a silently wreck shop on their ass. Teeth to tits.

~~~~

Cait:

“Hey you fucking cunt, hope you like swallowing teeth!”

She wouldn’t even hesitate to use her own fists. It would probably hurt her too, but she didn’t care. True to her words, she’d make them suffer- busting their nose and knocking their teeth out before finally settling for gouging their eyes.

Curie:

“You say very mean things, at least you won’t be able to anymore...”

Being so dainty and lithe definitely had its perks. While that asshat was spewing their venomous monologue, she was able to sneak up behind them- plunging a syringe full of poison into their jugular.

How could they be so mean to you?

Danse:

“That’s quite enough.”

Danse usually wouldn’t ever resort to using such..brutal measures. However between feeling the sting of their words and seeing how they were able to beat you so badly....Danse grabbed ahold of their head and simply lifted up. The strength of his power armour suit allowing him to successfully “pop” it off.

Deacon:

“Sucks for them.”

Deacon would use their talking as an opportunity. Sneaking up behind them, he’d plunge his knife right into their back- twisting it for good measure as they screamed in agony. It was a bit underhanded, but shit, it worked.

As soon as he was able to get you to medical help, he’d be there to try to make you feel better about the ridiculous things that person said.

Gage:

“Dumbass, didn’t even know who he was talking too. Oh well, come on boss..let’s go get ourselves cleaned up.”

He. Would. Not. Hesitate. To. Blow. Their. Fucking. Head. Off.

Hancock:

“You, oh you’re coming with me..”

Having chems on hand usually meant Hancock was always ready for a good time..however right now it meant he was stocked up to perform a quick little “kidnapping”. Once he gage you a stimpack and was sure you’d be alright, he’d option for the two of you to go to Goodneighbor- dragging the insufferable, unconscious dickhead with you the entire way.

Once there, it was all a matter of waiting. Who knows? Maybe they’ll be missing a tongue, or a toe when they wake up. Either way, it’ll be a fun experience.

Macready:

“What a buttface..”

They didn’t know it, but it was a horrible decision to turn your back on a sniper. Mere seconds went by before Mac’s bullet flew through their skull, painting you in the viscera of their demise. A little bit afterwards, Mac would come strolling along with his trusty rifle at side. Then he’d kneel down in front of you, a small smile on his face when you thanked him.

Maxson:

“You’re in no position to say such disrespectful things..Mercy isn’t something I usually consider, but for you- it’s entirely out of the question.”

Arthur almost never got involved with the commonwealth missions, but this time he was glad he had.

As they were saying their indecent words, he grabbed the hand they intended to wing with- pulling it back and twisting it around their back, pulling one good time causing them to yell out in pain. Just when they were going to swing toward him, they were promptly met with the business end of his combat knife- slicing into their forehead from the force of which they turned.

Nick:

“Some people just have no redemption..Do they?”

The old detective would merely cast his gaze at their now twitching corpse, having shoot them point blank in the back of their head. He’d just scoff, kicking their body aside as he tentatively looked you over- deciding the next best course of action was to jab a stimpack in you.

Old Longfellow:

“Dontcha dare listen to them kiddo, son of a bitch probably didn’t have a piece of brain left anyway- now let’s go get you patched up.”

It took only five point two seconds for him to choke the unsuspecting raider, having pulled back their tire iron and thrusted it against their throat, holding it their until they no longer breathed. Once done with his rather violent display, he simply shrugged and offered you his hand.

Piper:

“Wow, what a dick..”

She’d have no words! None. She’s seen some terrible people, but boy, the world just never ceases to supply a worse bunch, does it? Regardless of her eternal thoughts, she’d just shake her head before shooting them in their ass, then their face when they turned around.

Preston:

“Hmph, as if being a raider wasn’t already a shitty enough life decision..”

Their words would enrage him to no return. This ended up resulting in him bashing the butt of his laser musket against their head until they no longer moved. They had no right to cast down such terrible judgement. No one does.

Skinny Malone:

“Don’t worry now, bastard got what was coming to ‘im.”

Yours crazy if don’t think wherever Skinny goes, his gang is close behind. At the very first sign of trouble, they came out of their shadowing spots and unleashed hell in the form of several rounds of ammunition. When all was said in done, the asshole that spoke such means words to you closely resembled Swiss cheese. After the whole ordeal, Skinny would take you back to his headquarters and let you drink to your hearts content- reassuring you that you shouldn’t let people like that make you feel any less of your self.

Sturges:

“Listen, I know you raider kind aren’t the smartest but..that’s just stupid. Even for your standards I presume.”

Truthfully..he was scared as hell going up against the raiders but! He owed it to you. So he rolled up his sleeves and stormed right in up to the bastard looking over you, hitting them upside the head with an old wooden board he thankfully found.

X6-88:

“Let’s go..I believe we’re both entitled to drink after this.”

He made quick, precise work of the perpetrator. Gone and done before your eyes could even process it. Had he not been right in front of you, offering you his hand, likely wouldn’t have even thought he had killed them at all- instead perhaps thinking it was some invisible force instead.

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

[moon-lords-lower-body]

I am taking on a project. Where i recreate my first ever terraria worlds from mobile 1.1 and 1.2 on terraria mobile for kindle fire from about 7 years ago but in pc 1.4 terraria and also using tedit

So far ive mapped out the locations of all the important structures i built as well as specific locations that Mean A Lot To Me and have pics of the whole map (tho i dont rly care abt making like the caves n shit accurate its mostly the surface and structures in relation to each other) and listed them out. heres some uhh quirks i found/remembered abt old mobile worlds

first some things that dont require pics:

- my guide’s name in my first world was Eva and i remember me n my friend being stoked about how i apparently had a trans guide bc of her name <3 i still have no idea how and Why it gave the guide that name, i think it was only in 1.1 because the world i made when 1.2 came out that i got to hardmode in, i never got a guide with that name after beating the wall a buncha times (as evidenced by the number of purple boxes in hell), nor was it ever on the wiki page for npc names. i still love eva and i will put a cameo of her somewhere in my askblog which you should check out asks are open @moon-lords-pawn​ <3

- if you pause while standing near a bubble machine you can see it keep making bubbles at the normal rate, but none of them like go anywhere. once you unpause they all go flying n it looks super cool w all these bubbles exploding out of the machine

- terraria crashed 14 times and i closed it myself 1 time but i think thats a fault of my kindle being Seven Years Old

- i dont think you can dye accessories! how sad

- cloud saved worlds saved to google drive, but i think before that was changed in 2016? there was a diff service it used and i have NO idea what it was called but i didnt have an account with whatever it was, so it basically meant more world space. i had one world called archery and i think i wrote about it for a writing assignment in 5th grade, pretty sure it also involved herobrine somewhere in there. anyway w the google drive cloud save it just had you sign in with google plus (so, obv, doesnt work anymore RIP) and saved your world and player files to a google drive folder. i still have my folder to this day and it will never leave, and apparently i made undyne as a cloud saved chara and used her a Lot?? and i DONT remember that

ok now some w pictures

- you probably know this one but worlds were ASS SMALL before they introduced “expanded” worlds which i thiiink are just the equivalent of pc small worlds. what i didnt realize was that this also made the dungeon and jungle temple ASS SMALL

SORRY FOR ASS QUALITY PIC BC MY KINDLE WON’T LET ME TAKE SCREENSHOTS OR OPEN MY PHOTOS BUT JUST LOOK AT IT.. ITS PATHETIC.. also im not entirely sure but i thiiiink this is the temple i was able to get into pre plantera, i think even pre hardmode bc. see that hole at the top? that was replaced with mud that just let me mine right through it. this might not be the one that had that but i remember at least one temple i was in had it. also this temple is right above hell n i think thats funny 

- i had a travelling merchant come buy and i was able to get this picture before terraria crashed, apparently this was the old diamond ring sprite?? bud i played this version for like 3 years ive seen all the old sprites but this jumpscared me

- tbh theres a lot of old sprites i kinda forgot about and most of them i don’t find that bad in comparison to 1.3 or 1.4 resprites but the old coins take the cake as the ugliest old sprites im sorry

theyre just so.. unshiny. they look like they would be massive and like super thick if you held them in your hand. they look like stale pastries

anyway heres some notes i wrote for the structures n whatever that i found funny

[pixiegrl]

Baby I'll Never Leave If You Keep Holding Me This Way

Calum stops by the flower shop to pick up Michael for date night. 

Hello I'm back with more blurbs from the Flower Shop/Tattoo Parlor AU even though I have not written the whole thing. This was for an anon prompt on Tumblr for "So, can we go eat" with Malum (which tumblr ate im sorry anon i hope you see this). @tigerteeff asked if someone would write a Malum fic for cozy hoodie Malum after the Twitter video today so I wrote this for them. Love you Heath, collector of Trans 5SOS. and thanks to @blackbutterfliescal for editing this for me love you!

on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646975

Calum makes his way into Over The Rainbow looking for Michael. It’s late Friday afternoon and the only thing Calum really wants is to find the object of his affection, go get dinner, and go home. He’s been sitting all day, hunched over doing tattoo after tattoo. Every part of Calum hurts. Michael was supposed to meet him at Do Momento Mori when they closed almost 30 minutes ago and Calum still hasn’t seen them. Michael’s never on time, unless there’s food involved and the flower shop closed around the same time they did so Calum’s a little worried. He hasn’t seen Luke or Michael leaving the shop either, so Calum finally grabbed his hoodie and bag and made his way over.

Luke’s at the front counter when Calum comes in, counting out the money in the register, curls pulled back into a bun, humming along to the Taylor Swift song that’s playing over the speakers. He looks up when Calum comes in, surprised, glancing at the clock. 

“Aw shit, they’re late aren’t they,” Luke mumbles, straightening up. Calum can hear the sound of his back cracking from over by the door, wincing.

“Yeah. I was getting worried.”

“Michael wanted to take a nap before seeing your date tonight. I told them I’d wake them up in time, but well, clearly I got distracted with closing things too,” Luke mumbles. He’s flushed and clearly embarrassed. Calum smiles, shrugging as he crosses the store.

“Well, this way I get to surprise them. You should probably head out though. Ashton’s nervously fidgeting in the shop and he needs someone to go remind him to eat,” Calum says. Luke perks up, smiling at Calum. Calum rolls his eyes, fondly. It took far too long for Luke and Ashton to finally admit they liked each other and that they wanted to date and now that they’re boyfriends, they’re insufferable. 

Calum passes behind Luke, heading into the back room of the store. He finds Michael curled up on the couch they keep in the back. They’re curled into a tight ball, hands tucked under a pillow they’re using. Michael’s clearly fast asleep, chest raising and falling softly, fringe in their eyes. Calum drops his bag by door, crossing the room. He crouches down in front of Michael, ignoring the cracking sound of his knees to reach out and brush the fringe away from Michael’s eyes. They blink their eyes open slowly, startling a little when they realize that Calum’s in front of them.

“Am I late?” Michael mumbles, reaching up a hand to rub at their eyes. Calum’s hopelessly charmed by Michael’s too large sweatshirt sleeves, curled over their hands in sweater paws. 

“Only a little.”

“I wanted to be on time. Show you I was responsible,” Michael whines a little. They bury their face into the pillow. Calum chuckles a little.

“I can’t fault you for sleeping a little more. You deserve it if the dark circles mean anything,” Calum says. Michael turns their head, looking at Calum, wary.

“Still. I’m not a very good partner if I’m late to everything,” Michael mumbles. Calum shrugs.

“Well I snore and you’re late to everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses,” Calum says. Michael huffs out a laugh, rolling their eyes. Calum stands up, nudging at Michael’s shoulders.

“What?”

“Move. I wanna cuddle.”

“Why? Thought you wanted to get dinner together.”

“I’ve been sitting upright all day. Laying down sounds amazing right now,” Calum says. Michael sighs dramatically, rolling over slightly. Calum climbs over them, wiggling behind Michael on the couch. He curls up behind Michael, running his fingers through Michael’s hair. They hum lightly, leaning back into Calum’s chest. They lay there for a few minutes, breathing in sync so quietly that Calum thinks Michael might be asleep until they speak up.

“You’re warm,” Michael mumbles, leaning back into Calum. Calum smiles, keeps stroking their hair. There’s a lull until Michael speaks up again. 

“What are we?”

“What do you mean?” Calum asks.

“Like dating? Are we together? Casually seeing each other? I know labels are stupid or whatever, but I want to know before we go any further. I can’t get invested if you’re not serious,” Michael says. 

Calum pauses, thinking about it. If Calum’s going to be honest, he already assumed they were dating. He knows they’ve never spoken the words aloud, haven’t put the words to their budding relationship, Calum already considers Michael his partner. When Calum talks about them to his mum, he calls Michael his partner. He says it in stores and at restaurants when the check out people ask who he’s buying things for. Calum’s not sure what the feeling in his chest is whenever he sees Michael, when they burst into the tattoo parlor to bring Calum mid-day coffee or bring Calum food on longer days, when they sit with Calum while he sketches, asking questions about the art he’s making, the techniques he’s using. If Calum had to guess, he would say that the feeling in his chest is love. It’s pure, unadulterated love at its finest. Calum’s hesitant to put the word on something so new, but it feels right. The shape of the words on Calum’s lips, the idea of love is so close he can almost taste it. Calum fantasizes sometimes, when it’s late at night and he’s trying to fall asleep, what it would be like to have Michael with him all the time. What it would feel like to fall asleep with Michael, curled up around them, pressing close. What it might be like to wake up with them, make breakfast together, walk to work together. Calum knows it’s too early, but he wants a full life with Michael, for as long as Michael will have him.

“I want to date you. I want to hold your hand in public and call you my partner when we’re out. I want to go on date nights and kiss you at the movie theater and I just....I want to be your boyfriend Michael. If you’ll have me, I want to be your boyfriend,” Calum says.

“You can’t just hit me with that kind of confession while I’m comfortable and warm and cuddling with you. I’m emotionally compromised enough as it is,” Michael whines, covering their face with their hands.

“Well you asked! Don’t ask if you don’t want the answer,” Calum says, laughing.

“Terrible, terrible, terrible. I can’t believe my boyfriend is awful and mean and a dork,” Michael bemoans dramatically.

“So, does that mean you want to date me?”

“Unfortunately, I very much want to be your partner. I want to hold your hand and call you my boyfriend and kiss in public until Luke whines at me to stop.”

“Good. Glad to know we’re on the same page with embarrassing our friends with our relationship,” Calum says, laughing. They lay together on the couch for a few moments until Michael’s stomach rumbles. 

“So, can we go eat?” Calum asks, running his fingers through Michael’s hair. 

“No, cozy,” Michael mumbles, burrowing into Calum’s chest. Calum sighs.

“Come on Mikey. I won’t even make you eat a veggie. We can order pizza and cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.”

“But you’re warm and the couch is cozy,” Michael whines.

“It’ll be even warmer and cozier back at my place. I’ll make you pancakes in the morning since it’s a late shop day.”

“Chocolate chips?” Michael asks, cracking one eye open to gaze at Calum.

“Yes, I’ll even add chocolate chips.”

“Fine, I guess going home with my boyfriend won’t be such a tragedy,” Michael says dramatically. They wiggle out of Calum’s hold, rolling over to face Calum. Michael leans forward, pressing a kiss to Calum’s nose. Calum grins, leaning forward to press one to their nose.

“Glad to hear it. Love you,” Calum says before he can stop himself. He freezes, heart pounding, unsure of what Michael’s going to say in response to Calum’s sudden confession.

“Love you,” Michael hums back. They burrow back into Calum’s chest, head tucked under his chin. Calum knows they should sit up, get going, so they can get food and do this at his place under covers and warm, but right now, Calum’s content to just lay on this couch with Michael curled up in their love.