#i dont really enjoy being particularly vulnerable or emotional

[patchiko]

What are your thoughts on Jason from Three Jokers?

particularly for me, his emotional dependence is so big just because he confused things with the Barbara

3 JOKERS SPOILERS !

tldr; i ramble a little abt how i hate modern Jason fucking Todd and highlight how much justice this comic did for him

and how modern writers are just trying to turn him into a batfam insert of deadpool

Yes! I dont think Jason had 100% feelings for Babs, like he said, he thought it could work. It definitely came from a moment of weakness/vulnerability, its often that Jason doesn’t get cared for too often, not in the way he needs. So when Babs let out a hand for him, it hit him HARD. Especially with just being traumatized by the last two jokers, I think its pretty obvious he doesn’t need someone to clean up/watch after him but like need someone to generally emotionally guide him.

my personal pet peeve with most modern Jason Todd canon ships is the laziness of it(b4 i get criticized i think ANY ship with ANY CHARACTERS can be good as long as the writings GOOD and makes SENSE) . GOD NO- i dont ship jason and babs, but they still put an odd amount of effort into it, to at the very least actually flesh out their characters.

Jason doesn’t need a character that fixes his mistakes when he’s overly impulsive, or babies him, or fixes his mistakes with a veil of ‘Your so dumb but i secretly care about you!‘ because then it leads to most of lazy writing where he does something stupid but his gf is here to fix it! so its ok! NO!! HES NOT LEARNING ANYTHING!! YOURE MAKING HIM LOOK STUPID AND MENTALLY BRAIN DEAD!! anyways sorry.

Jason needs someone to break him out of his cycle of impulsiveness and self-destruction, not have him indulge in it.Jason needs to go fucking soul-searching or something im so tired of his ass— REALISTICALLY I COULDN’T DATE COMIC!JASON IF HE DIDNT CHANGE,, HE WOULD FRUSTRATE ME RLLY BAD.

ahem. anyways. I think Jasons note shows a lot about his character and something that the modern writers ignore a lot. Jason CAN change, he just needs a reason, a solid reason to. He doesn’t have to put down his code, or the guns, he just needs someone solid to really make him think about himself. “All I need is one chance to you I can be better. And I will devote my life to making you proud. Happy. Loved.” WHERE IS THIS SWEETHEART RN?? I SWEAR EVERY OTHER WRITER IS MAKING HIM A EMO FUCK-BOY WHOS BRAIN MATTER GOT SUCKED OUT THROUGH HIS COCK?? ahem sorry.

I really love how much DC actually puts details into Jason in this comic. Ex. Jasons helmets abilities being highlighted, “Helmets registering multiple security doors opening across the facility.” OR him saying the chronic pain management book was helpful. SORRY— I REALLY ENJOY DETAILS LIKE THIS. It just makes Jasons technical skill and such more obvious then whats normally stated. Also Jason tracking sea water off a wrench to the Aquarium— where is this skill in more modern comics?? I swear they make Jason a braindead wannabe deadpool sometimes i swear to fucking god. Also him shooting the shark tank so it eats Gaggy— I DIE FOR DETAILS LIKE THIS.

They don’t even get rid of his humor in 3 jokers either, he still has a really well displayed personality and his banter with Batman is really bearable for once, it makes sense and its well written. I slightly dislike how hard Babs is being on Jason but i’m not 100% sure what Babs is like. I haven’t read comics centered around her, so I don’t mind it. Also dont mistake this for me disliking babs for rejecting Jay— thats not what i mean at all. Just her constantly saying how he’s a criminal and focusing on getting him in prison like he’s an opp was confusing 2 me..

anyways stop trying to turn red hood into the batfams deadpool challenge!!

inbox is open 2 yap or requests sum!!

[termagax]

essentially i just think its an interesting topic w him because like he does kind of embody a sort of machismo and its hard to tell how much of that is a genuine self-expression and how much of that is a persona but that is his whole thing innit. how much of "roadhog" is a mask and how much of it is just. his face.

i feel like its easy to point to the gap moe and just say see. femme behaviour. and i think that kicks ass as a reading but to me i think. hm. like i just think that these two parts of him are not neccessarily "one is the true self and one is a protective persona" as always i think its more complicated than that. and honestly i dont know how much HE knows the distinction between the two either.

part of my personal read on him is that he was a majorly troubled kind of social outcast kid and i think it would take him a while to come around to being comfortable in his own skin, yk? for a LOT of reasons i wont get into here. and im sure that that would give you that defensive layer of machismo and aggression thats difficult to break through but a)at this point its been baked into his life for like. 40 years. and b)he doesnt seem particularly interested in breaking it down at all. i think even the version of him we see in the game where he seems a lot more comfortable with the goofy, cutesy parts of himself he is still very much a Big Dog type of man and he seems to enjoy it a lot. just generally it doesnt ever seem to me that he has much resentment for that part of himself, at least not now? BUT at the same time i absolutely think that he does struggle with feeling alienated from himself and his identity especially wrt the idea of Mako and how he conceptualizes essentially this dead boy inside of him. and i think in my read of him that he felt like mako was dead way before roadhog ever got to come out. again i read him as a bullied outcast kid who grew up into this angry insecure adult with something to prove, and i think that machismo and need to hide the Soft Parts is something hes had for way long yk. so i guess i do read him as kind of gnc although again i dont think this is something hes really interested in reflecting on hes got a job rn so he dont care abt that.

but i do think his willingness to be anything other than an unapproachable brick wall of a man has ebbed and flowed thru his whole life. ikind of read it as peaking through his teen years - early 20s and then mellowing out a bit, so by the time he met fish* they wouldve known him as a lot more comfortable with himself and their relationship wouldve probably facilitated the closest he ever got to actually thinking abt himself in regards to gender. but i think it would spike again once the apocalypse starts happening and its very useful to be the biggest roughest meanest bastard in the wasteland and very bad to be any kind of vulnerable. and i think this would mellow out over time because i think at some point his reputation gets ahead of him and he feels like he can essentially do whatever he wants and rest easy in the knowledge that anyone who says anything will get their teeth punched in. altho i do think hed be more cagey about it around people hes close with during that period mostly because that requires being honest abt anything and. frankly emotional intimacy is just not a part of his and fishs relationship in that period. and the again i think the point we see him at during the games is probably the most chill and normal hes ever been with it because i think hes really kind of found a comfortable place with himself, like i think at that point he feels like he knows who he is and he doesnt feel the need to explain it or dissect it or find that line between roadhog and mako i think hes fine being in the grey area. i will not go on a tangent here abt how fish and rat play into that self-perception thematically but do know i have that locked and loaded.

this is a lot of words to say i think hes dubiously nonbinary and if he were placed in any different less hostile circumstances maybe he couldve done something about that but at this point in his life i dont think he feels the need to yk. theyre chilling.

[stregoniconiconii]

steve for the the character ask <3

1: sexuality headcanon: I received a message from god in 2016 when Steve appeared on my screen. the message was that he was bisexual. and I never doubt god's good word ! anyway I dont think Steve is particularly angsty about being bisexual? like I think he was always somewhat aware of his attraction to both but knew stepping outside of the box would be dangerous . tbhh I think he prefers women most of the time and it takes a minute for him to upgrade from hooking up with men to dating men. most of all he's kind of a slut <3 matching with robin he is also a bit gender weird ! mostly cool with being a hot guy but on some level she is also a hot girl. sometimes that level is sometimes a girl, sometimes it's always a girl . depends on what im feeling <3

2: otp: I do enjoy a good steddie thank u Eddie for being a canon male character that I can actually see Steve with <3 there's also this one omc...Henry Sinclair you will always be famous. sometimes I forget that ur not canon...in my head one of his more long term girlfriends/maybe wife?? in adulthood is this really cool and hot paramedic called Lucille <3 she was his boss lol

3: brotp: now I wonder....it's robin it's always robin . platonically married he'd carry her kids if he had the equipment for it and they are everything to each other ! also I desperately want stobickie to be a fun little trio in s5 pls happen <3 ofc there are many platonic relationships for Steve that I love, his brotherly relationship with dustin and max is so <3 and he's a lil mentor to Lucas and bullied by erica <3 in my heart he is also part of the Byers-Hopper clan, particularly a fatherly relationship with hopper. I WISH stoncy actually developed a strong friendship but maybe there's still a chance in s5. also. I will forever be intrigued by his friendship with Tommy and carol I know they got up to some insane shit

4: notp: harringrove mostly I just think Steve finds racism extremely unattractive . I'd say stancy but the truth is I kinda like them in a fail marriage way. nobody gets them tho

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: mommy issues Steve my beloved <3 I think steve's relationship with his mother ended up informing so many of his future relationships. specifically I see a sort of emotional incest between them where Steve ended up kind of playing the role of husband to his mom since his dad was away being a bad husband. obviously not a good situation for a kid to be in with their parent bc it robs them of being a kid. but basically this put Steve in a position of providing even to the point of hurting himself, which ended up opening him up to being vulnerable to codependent relationships. I think elements of codependency follow Steve in a lot of his relationships, especially can see it with his friendship to Tommy and carol, a little bit with Nancy, and also a bit with robin too (I tend to exaggerate it with robin bc I think its fun lol)

6: favorite line from this character: aaaah one of my favourite Steve moments is s2 Steve with the kids at the junkyard I love him <3 also he's so funny I can't just pick one line

7: one way in which I relate to this character: I also miss a lot of stuff when ppl are speaking auditory processing disorder my beloved <3

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: nothing he's perfect and he's earnest and he's full of love

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: problematic fave in the sense that he's done some problematic things but cinnamon roll because actually he's done nothing wrong ever

[mikkaeus]

detransition, baby - a review

apparently the “first book written by an openly trans woman to be published by a big 5 publishing house” but that was from a goodreads review so dont quote me on that

disclaimer im am? mostly cis at this point in time

i really enjoyed this book. i loved how unapologetically queer it was. i loved the writing style and overall tone (more on this later*). i cant imagine what the experience must be for the average cis person that has never thought about Gender in their life. 

the one-line summary of the plot is that Ames (detransitioned trans woman) accidentally gets Katrina (his gf) pregnant and proposes that his ex gf Reese (trans woman) to be a coparent because he can’t stand the idea of being shoehorned into the role of a dad and all the gender fuckery that entails by virtue of Katrina’s cishetness. 

the book follows the reese and amy in vignettes from various periods of their lives, as well as the ongoing story in the present with katrina’s pregnancy. the timeline is meandering as it frequently recounts memories from the present, but i didn’t find it hard to follow.

our lovely cast:

- Reese: cynical & confident as a self-described trans elder. she desperately wants a child of her own. she’s emotional and impulsive and has several toxic relationships with men prior to and after her long-term relationship with Amy. her view on womanhood is fucked up, but understandably so. A lot of people on Goodreads, at least half of them TERFs, took issue with this particular section (which is funny, because the author knew exactly what would happen). 

After all, Every woman adores a Fascist. Reese spent a lifetime observing cis women confirm their genders through male violence. 

....

Liberal feminists — especially the trans-hating variety — would have a field day with her. ... But you know what? ... Why should the burden be on her to uphold impeccable feminist politics that barely served her? ... So yeah, Stanley, bring it on. Hit Reese. Show her what it means to be a lady. 

- Amy/Ames: a baby trans when she initially got together with reese, who was as much of a mother to her as she was a partner. she has never been able to break the habit of using maleness as an emotional shield, and one resulting casualty is her sex life — the inability to make herself vulnerable makes sex unsatisfying for both her and Reese. ultimately, their relationship breaks down and in the aftermath, Amy detransitions to Ames. 

- Katrina - late thirties, chinese/jewish, cishet, divorcee. this is her first venturing into queerness. she’s also Ames’ boss, but this dynamic is not explored at all tbh she might as well be his coworker. 

*THE PROSE! As I said earlier, I loved the writing style. It’s easy to read but embellished and ‘literary’ enough to be fun. Not sure of the right word to describe the tone but something like blasé/snappy/honest/blunt? it is also very funny. 

Ames pondered whether he ought to cancel his subscription to HBO in order to afford this sperm bank. He couldn’t fully comprehend the enormous weight of fatherhood and generational lineage, but he could easily comprehend how much he did not want to cancel HBO. 

...she welcomes Reese with a hug that, in its unexpected affection, Reese would put somewhere between suddenly discovered long-lost relative and cult leader thanking you for your impending sacrifice.

is this a Queer Misery book? i don’t think so. all the Bad Things (transphobia, homophobia, dysphoria, and so on) feature insofar that it is a book about the messy lives of these trans women. i didn’t find it depressing. 

are the characters likeable? storygraph says “it’s complicated”. personally, i was emotionally invested in them at around the 50% mark. as someone who has never wanted children or been interested in motherhood at all, and also never been particularly moved by those who were, i was really hoping that things would work out for reese.

the question of race. amy and reese are very white and this is underlined in the book in a sufficiently self-aware (on the part of the author) way. i dont think this detracted from the book. more thoughts on this here. 

sEx? some people have said there was a lot of sex in this book but i personally didn’t really think so (by the standard of fanfic at least). i guess there’s a decent number of talk about sex but not that many sex scenes? 

is co-sleeping with your baby bad? the science says yes! sleeping in the same room is not the same as sleeping in the same bed!! this is the most problematic part of the book 

unfortunately, (MINOR SPOILERS)

I didn’t get the happy ending that I had desperately hoped for (though i probably should’ve clocked something when it ended at 12 weeks post conception). Instead, we got an ambiguous ending that I guess could be seen as hopeful. I’m the type of guy that wants closure in all my stories but alas. 

[raincamp]

7 - 29 - 23

i was too distracted by good omens 2 yesterday to write anything haha, a good thing though, because it meant that i was distracted from the emotions im experiencing in real life. i instead spent all of yesterday in mourning with crowley. i feel like he and i are going through similar issues right now, it was nice to feel like i had someone (fictional) who understood, and also had somewhere (fictional) to put all my feelings.

he is so BPD coded — i can't even begin to talk about it

anyway, today i spent most of my time with my best friend (M) who i think i have yet to mention here? she's kind of a FP— or she used to be— or, i honestly don't know at this point. since i figured out my therapist is a FP of mine, it feels like maybe M has become less of one? or maybe it just feels like that in comparison. its all so confusing sometimes to put labels on things. but i think whats important is that i have an attachment to her that is sometimes on the unhealthy side, but our relationship remains stable because we both put in the work to make it that way despite my unhealthy attachment.

we went to a cafe and i talked a lot about therapy, which was nice, she's a psychology major so she loves hearing about me and my disorder and my therapy, and she's also really insightful about relationships so she had a lot to add, it was kind of reassuring, but i did also accidentally trigger myself and started talking some very obvious BPD-cognitive-distortion-bullshit about my therapist which was kind of humiliating. she was understanding though— immediately called me out on it. and then suggested we do something else because she could tell it was distressing me.

i fear that i might start becoming emotionally dependent on her again now that my therapist has cut me off. i dont think it would be too bad, because of the stability of our relationship, however i do have feelings about that potential situation, because i dont particularly enjoy being dependent on anybody. it makes me feel guilty and ashamed of myself, and kind of frustrated because i can't seem to just be independent. the concept seems to be totally foreign to me.

i was going to try to hang out with another of my friends today too, but she didnt answer my 15 phone calls, and i kind of split on her too :') im having a rough time right now. idk why im getting so easily triggered all of a sudden.

maybe i just have more emotional vulnerability now? hm. its difficult figuring this kind of stuff out without her, my therapist, i miss her. i need her.

everything just feels kind of empty and hollow without my therapist in my life. like. i know im technically only missing seeing her for 2 days, but theres weeks in between those two days, and those weeks start to feel like years when it's somebody im so dependent on. so i feel like i've lost so much.

M was talking about how its possible my therapist withdrew partly because of how attached i was becoming, and i dont even want to consider that a possibility right now, but i cant stop thinking about it. i dont have control over how attached i become to people, and if thats whats causing her to be so cold towards me— which has been causing me SO much pain— then im gonna be,, idk i'm having a hard time identifying my feelings today. but its essentially telling me that i should be able to stop something i don't have control over in order to have the support that i need. I don't think thats fair.

thats the message im getting from this whole situation anyway though, since it all comes back to an addiction, which I don't have control over.

maybe i just dont deserve mental health support and treatment, i feel like thats just the overall message the universe is trying to convey to me right now. idk what i did to deserve it, but i obviously did something, so ig i should just accept the punishment. nothing i can do about it now.

if my therapist were here she'd call me out on blaming the universe like she always does. but shes not here so she can get fucked. ill stay being delusional if it makes me feel better.

im dissociated as fuck today

- andrew

[gayseyjones]

I don't think I've really talked about how much I love tragedies on here rlly b4 but oh my god. I love tragedies. there is a reason my favorite media is shit like pmmm and little nightmares etc and it's bc I just genuinely love tragedies so much. good lird

[javisjeanjacket]

Saturated Filter - (ezra x fem!reader)

A/N: “hi and welcome back to me screaming. AHHH” this is part two of how hai is coping with the 2020 election.

I definitely cried while writing this and I’m not for sure if it’s from the tension of the election or because it just really hits but i guess we’ll see! lol 

Also Zeek if you see this....I FEEL WHAT I FEEL OKAY DONT COME FOR ME

Warnings: reader has some anxiety (lol SAME) but not a full on attack or anything, just a lil fluffy angsty boy :)

Word count: 2.1K

A soft mist settled over the harsh lines of your helmet and your breath fogged up at the bottom of glass orb.

Your hands rooted around in the moist earth in front of you, your eyes scanning the soil for any hint of a rouchestone bed. Your breath was flighty, your bones felt as if they turned hollow and avian. You pushed aside a clump of foliage and you saw the tell tell waved lines of water venturing through the dirt, down towards the promise of a bed of dainty gems. You pawed at them gingerly, brushing away the earth and insects as you looked. Your heart burned just under your collarbone, scratching and clawing for her way upwards. To spill down your lips and come alive in the oxygen in your helmet.

 'You be careful out there, little bird.' He had warned. He had strapped a fresh filter into your air purifier and allowed his hand to linger at your side. 'Not the friendliest of vermin out here.' 

You had smiled at Ezra softly, his tenderness extracting a strange pull from your chest. Letting out a loud sigh, you swallowed and pulled a small pad of paper from your utility belt and began to jot down the coordinates of the rouchestone nest. You tried to make the earth look as undisturbed as possible so as not to alert other prospectors, and then started back again on the trail you and Ezra had mapped out the night before. 

Stark mountains stood astutely over the dark treeline ahead of you, clouds and mist sojourning around the massive structure. The planet was beautiful, be it a little harsher than Lah'Mu and the planet the two of you had worked on before it. 

Codes to the pod launch sequence, the smell of Ezra's sheets, the happiness of the beetle scurrying across a thick blade of grass by your knee all swirled around your mind, intertwining the drama of an aching heart with the mundane of a hike on a clear day.  

'You'll need to take a sharp right here, otherwise you're going to get into a conundrum with an arianic sinking pit.' Ezra had warned you, his eyebrow quirked up and the scar on his cheek stretching to accommodate his expression. 

You remembered chuckling at his seriousness, "Ezra, I know how to read a map, I'm not helpless."

The man had spread out his large hands, the tattoo by his thumb catching your eye. "I know you're not, I know..." He had trailed off and run a hand through his hair, the blonde patch near his face mixing with the deep brown strands.  

It hadn't felt like falling, realizing you loved the charismatic prospector. It was more like turning on a light switch. 

You had felt your hand reaching for the light and your heart dripping from your fingers as you switched it on, and then that was it.

It wasn't a falling, it was a knowing. It was a click and then everything else had become illuminated by that knowing. 

You had felt the beginning and end of it at once, almost strong enough to knock you to the dirt floor below. 

The lines of him, the home that housed the spirit, had become so familiar to you that you felt you could take him with you anywhere. Draw his figure when you needed it, take a brief reprieve in his presence. 

And that knowing, the fact of love and it's permanence, sent a shiver down your spine. 

Sure, you had been with other people before Ezra, even convinced yourself you loved some of them, but it had never been as absolute as this. 

It felt as if you were made of glass, the way he could pinpoint each emotion and quirk of your lips. 

He could somehow understand you better than you understood yourself.

~~~~~~

The cot had never been particularly comfortable. Granted, it was more comfortable now that Ezra had fashioned the two of yours into one larger one, but with the unsupportive bottom of the contraption, the only way you could really rest comfortably was with Ezra's outstretched arm under your neck. You laid like this now, your eyes drifting lazily from one freckle on his arm to the next one, creating a map of them in your mind. Where your breath landed on his arm, the hair on his skin laid flat, but towards his wrist they stood high, outstretched for warmth. 

Ezra snored softly and you jerked when his heavy arm gently hit your back, stopping after to rest against you. 

You let out a shallow breath, the air surging across his sleeping skin. Water welled in your eyes and burned in your throat. 

'What will happen when he's not there to let you lay on his arm anymore?' You thought. 'How will you sleep when he leaves you?'

Air rose in your throat, heat and vigor quick to overwhelm it. A few precious tears escaped from your eye, slipping quickly down your cheek and then dripping onto Ezra's arm below. 

The more breaths you took in, the less you felt like you could breathe. 

Your chest thumped rapidly and the feeling was not unlike being stuck out in the Green with an over-saturated filter. 

The panic rising under your cheeks, the chill creeping up the back of your neck, the forced stillness in your mind. 

"Birdie, what's-" Ezra's gravelly voice whispered from behind you. He yawned and ended, "What is it?"'

‘Shit.' You thought. You quickly wiped the tears on your cheeks and sat up from the makeshift bed. "Nothing, I'm just..." You trailed off as your eyes landed on your boots by the side of the cot. "I need to go for a walk." You sniffled as you bent down to wiggle on your boots over your sleep socks.

Ezra chuckled, his hand reaching for your shoulder. "A walk? Honey, I am going to have to protest, it is not in your, or my, best interest to lose you to a free-roaming carnivore." He squeezed your shoulder tightly.

You wiped your dripping nose on your sleeve. "I need to leave, I'll be back."

"Wait, are you crying?" Ezra sat up in the cot, his hand stilled on your shoulder.

Tears construed your vision, making the sealing of your boots incredibly diffucult. You sniffled and continued. 

"Sweetheart, talk to me." He whispered, his mouth pressing gentle kisses to your shoulder. One of his hands ran across your back softly, coaxing you back towards him.

Your breath caught in your chest and you looked up from your shoes, eyes fixating on a stack of Ezra's notebooks that were stuffed into a crate on top of a storage unit of rations. You took in several short, hiccuping breaths, but none of them allowed you to exhale as heavily as you needed to. 

The creeping and prodding of panic settled over you, forcing you to pump air in and out of your chest rapidly. 

Ezra sat up behind you fully, his strong chest pressing against your trembling body and his arms holding your shaking breaths in their embrace. His mouth moved from your shoulder, up the back of your neck and behind your ear. His mustache and patchy beard distracted the panic long enough to provide you a splitsecond's peace. 

The gentleness in his touch and the care with which he held you was all together overwhelming. 

You rebelled against the ledge he was pushing you towards, the loss of control required in an admittance of love for another person, grinding your heels in and gritting your teeth. "Stop, stop, Ezra, please." You whispered, pushing his arms off of you and standing from the cot. You hurriedly sealed your boots around your sock feet and walked to the other side of the tent, readying your suit. 

You could feel the jagged edges of Ezra's emotions as he rose from the bed after you. "Now you have got me as up and bothered as a nest of hornets, birdie. I am missing a part of this equation and I shall be very perturbed should you continue to choose to hide it from me."

Sighing and letting your head fall backwards, you wiped away burning tears from your cheeks. "Ezra, it's not-" You let out a whimpering exhale. "It's not about you, okay. I'm just..." You shook your head. 

"I do not like to see you in such pain, honeybee." Ezra said. His feet taking timid steps towards your rigid figure.

You froze, your suit in your hands, clenching and unclenching your jaw. Hot tears rebelled against your tears ducts, screaming for freedom. Two trembling breaths later, you said, "I'm...afraid." The admittance of vulnerability and the rush of a release that came with it washed over you, allowing you a heavy exhale. 

Ezra took a few more steps in your direction. "About what?" He asked softly, his tone tender. 

You ran a hand over your face and let out a heavy breath. "About you. About us."

You could feel his body heat behind you before he touched you, could sense his body towering over yours, could imagine how hot his hands burned for you. "What have you found to be scared about, sweetheart?" He whispered, a smirk on his face.

"I don't," You began and then turned around to face him. You looked up to his eyes and then back down to your hands fiddling with your suit. "I don't see me the way that you see me. I don't see whatever it is that you see, I just look at me and see you leaving." Your hands shook as they picked at a piece of caked on mud on the wrist seam of your suit, your chest trembling under his gaze. "I see me, alone. And I don't know if I could be alone again." 

Ezra crossed the space between you, gently tugging the suit from your grasp and dropping it to the floor. He placed a gentle hand on your cheek, moving his thumb back and forth across your chin. "Sweet girl," He whispered, his voice cracked as he looked over your face. Swollen and innocent and looking at him, needing him. "I very much look forward to the splendor of your company on our expeditions and rather enjoy our banter and the warmth of you in sleep. If you were not a living, breathing, creature, I would likely keep you in my belt pocket to carry you along with me. There is no reason to prepare yourself for the end of our venture, as I could not see it ending short of a complete and total upheaval of each of our lives." His dark eyes searched your features for a response. After not finding one, he continued with a lightened tone, "That is, unless you are harboring a grievance with which you have plans to decimate my poor heart, in which case I ask, my honeybee, that you kill me slowly, so that I may look upon the contours of your face as I go."

His teasing pulled a smirk out of you, subsiding your tears for a beat. "I wish I could trust me the way that you trust me." You looked down to the space in between the two of you. You swallowed against a dry throat and added, "I'm just...terrified."

Ezra nodded and hummed, "Mmm. What's not to trust, birdie?" He flashed you a smile and ran his hand from your cheek down to your shoulder. "Just stay even though you're terrified."

You looked up at him, tears burning at the corners of your eyes. Words felt as if they were never meant to hold a feeling as overpowering as the one currently harboring itself in your chest. 

"Be as scared as you need to be, just don't leave me." He said, his hands reaching to take both of yours in his grasp. He looked down to your intertwining fingers and then back up to your eyes. "Please." He breathed the word so softly it had a kind of half life, the prospector fearing it would somehow offend you.

You nodded yes, your eyebrows scrunched in adoration. "Okay."

Ezra ran a big hand over the side of your face, tucking strands of your hair in between his fingers and then placing a strong kiss to your forehead. "Would you lay down with me?" He whispered, his breath hot on your face.

You smiled softly and nodded yes. 

Ezra smiled back, the meat of his lip in between his teeth, and gave your hand a squeeze as he lead you back to bed.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @mcolbz14​ @softly-sad​ 

[thedevillionaire]

Tag Game

Tag Game @mongooseblues , thanks for tagging me (which my notifications hid from me for some reason but okay) and despite finding it kinda hard to narrow it down, I did have fun doing so! The game is such: 1. List your top three whump tropes and tag people. 2. Whoever gets tagged gets to say how they feel about your top three tropes. 3. After finishing that, they then list their top three tropes, and the tagging cycle goes on! Your tropes: 1. Forehead feel Oh, yeah, I definitely like this, and I agree with your point about its intimacy. I will particularly enjoy it if paired with brushing in-the-way hair aside to do so, either gently or with insistence. 2. High stakes illness: aka setting a story during the worst possible time or situation for the character to fall ill. Ooh, the Inopportune Timing thing. BIG fave. “The attitude characters take toward adversity”, to quote directly - yeah, that. I love that, too. And for me this particular trope also ties in well to what’s going to be my number 1 trope. It’s a winner. 3. Emotional crumpling: An expression of emotional vulnerability when someone’s wall is down. This one’s an interesting one for me because I find it very character-dependent – my reaction to it will often be very much tied to how I feel about the character in question, so for it to work for me in a fic, I need to be at least reasonably familiar with the character when they’re not in that state for it to…bring the power, so to speak. I am, however, absolutely onboard with the fevered “don’t really realise what they’re saying” one. I usually like that one no matter how unfamiliar I am. My tropes: 1. How Have The Mighty Fallen Or, How I Love the Worst of the Best. I want them competent, powerful, usually healthy, etc – hell, the more in control the better, frankly – and then it all goes terribly wrong. Well, probably not terribly wrong, per se, just sort of – colds are perfect for this, being technically a mild illness – but it’s going to seem worse to the character in question because it’s so uncommon for them. And I’m also just a sucker in general for no amount of willpower being able to stop the oncoming…uh, problem. I’m not much of a fan of the constitutionally weak character who gets sick at the drop of a hat or seems in a near-constant state of ill health in one way or another – bring me your most glorious, and bring them down. That’s my jam. (Portraying this aspect on snzblr has its challenges, I will say. The functional times aren’t exactly the focal points of the fics here, so setting up background often has to be sort of presumed. I often feel my own writing should come with a disclaimer of “This hardly ever happens to him, actually”, since, uh…it sure doesn’t seem like it. 😂) 2. Now Kiss: Intimacy/Security/Comfort/Romance And now the qualifier: Bring them down but please make sure they land safely. I will always melt for the soft moments and love a romantic storyline. And it certainly doesn’t have to follow my point 1, but I’ll doubly melt if it does. I love pretty much all aspects of sweet caretaking – romantic, sexy, platonic, horny AF, all can and will work for me. Particular bonus points, though, for (a) if the caretaker is the only one the person being cared for would allow this from, (b) it’s a first of some sort, or (c) the intimacy is longstanding and deep, showing the kind of knowledge that only an established relationship can bring. To sum up: I want affection and I want it now, lol. 3. Resistance Is Futile Ahh, the point at which denial is no longer an option, how I love you. This one’s pretty simple, but I always, always love it – the moment at which someone has to admit defeat, either to others or just to themselves, either/or. The point of surrender. And the more determined they are to not give in, all the better when they do. Okay, tagging, um… I’ll try not repeat anyone who’s been tagged in this already, but apologies if I do. And of course feel super free to ignore if you do not want to do the thing. Also, anyone else who does want to do the thing, please do!

😊@dopaminty @sucker-for-sniffles @you-dont-look-so-good @anditvanisheslikemist @snzlux @chezsnez

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Another list! Of stuff I liked about Supergirl ep. 6x03, “Phantom Menaces”! AKA:

Spoilers!

WOW HEY WOW I LOVED THIS EPISODE.

BECAUSE EVERYONE IS HAVING FEELINGS.

(This is gonna be all over the place I can tell, apologies in advance for poor organization)

Okay, so! Right off the bat (‘ha ha’ but like, in a sad way) we learn that poor Silas has been Phantom’d. :C

We then get even MORE Phantom action back in the actual Phantom Zone--Kara’s plan to literally grab a ride doesn’t go over so well WHICH LEADS TO!

Kara making a Phantom Zone Friend! Yay! :D  

Pretty much immediately on board with Nixly’s (I refuse to try and spell out her full name) chaotic energy. Brilliant. Amazing. 10/10, hope she’s not secretly evil.

Kara’s physical vulnerability bringin’ in those “Human for a Day” vibes, yes, good, yes.

Then we’re BACK AT THE TOWER and things aren’t looking great for Silas! J’onn is blocking out his emotions! Brainy is neck deep in his! 

AND SPEAKING OF FEELINGS.

ALEX.

WITH THE CRYSTAL.

OOOOooOOooOOH NooOOOOOOOOOO

Side note: Love that Kara’s last will and testament is like, ‘Four for you, Eliza and Alex Danvers!’

‘Aaaaaand none for Jeremiah, okay bye.’

Puttin’ a pin in the Luthor stuff. We’ll get to it.

Back to the Tower! Alright, first and foremost, probably a silly thing but I’m glad the Super Friends are just...dressed casually.

I was concerned at the outset of this season that we’d see them all in their Super Suits™ most of the time because everyone’s a vigilante now, but fortunately that is not the case!

Appreciate that the Phantoms are actually a particular type of alien. As far as I know, ‘Zulian Maletarians’ are original to the show--no reference to preexisting DC stuff.

Something I noticed upon a re-watch--my suspension of disbelief allows for the physical phantom transformation...but they also all sprout matching dark robes???

Sure, Jan. 

Anyways. Then WEAPONS GRADE ANGST, as Alex has like, combo PTSD/guilt trip reaction to Phantom’d Silas. 

Just like. The frozen, helpless look? 

NOW I’M HAVING FEELINGS, HOW DARE.

And the hits keep comin’, cause we’ve got a balcony talk between J’onn and Alex but it’s tense and sad and gosh I love it.

Back in Kara’s Phantom Zone Adventure, love her Wizard of Oz-esque gathering of companions on her way to see the Wizard find an escape.

This week it felt like there was a better handle on the close-ups? Like, they were pretty apparent in 6x02. Here, they’re a little less obvious. (Or maybe I’m just getting used to them IDK. XD)

Az-Rel is a deep Detective Comics Comics cut--a Kryptonian prisoner in the Phantom Zone who has pyrokinesis! 

(tHEy DoNT ReSpECT tHe cOMicS!!! Except that they do, and y’all don’t even NOTICE.) 

Glad that both Kelly and M’gann had plot stuff to do this week, instead of just offering emotional support to everyone else.

I forgot to mention it last week so I’ll just quickly mention that I like the glow-y purple lights in the Tower. Very nice touch, J’onn.

(But how is he affording this?)

(And for that matter...are Kara and Nia now the only members of the Super Friends with jobs?)

I’ll dispense with the linear approach because the back-and-forth between plotlines is getting to be a bit much, SO!

On the Kelly and M’gann note: Again, really liked that they’re not simply there to be cheerleaders for the other characters. M’gann still feels a little like she’s at the mercy of plot whims, but. Progress!

And then Kelly! I mentioned this last season--I like that they’ve built up her character such that her inclusion in like. Bad-guy fights makes sense, even though she’s maybe not as directly connected to the action as other members of the Super Friends, being more ‘team CatCo/Obsidian’ than ‘Tower’

(Spoiler-y info suggests that will change as the season progresses so we’ll see how that goes!)

I liked this Final Phantom Fight more than the one in 6x02--the direction/blocking felt a little less ‘everyone stand on your marks in a line and shoot up at the CGI stuff’. 

I mean it was still essentially that, but. Just worked a bit better here, IMO.

And Alex can quick-change now! Love that it has the red glow of Martian shapeshifting.

Oliver Queen out there somewhere in the afterlife, seething with jealousy.

(Jumping back, just think it’s funny that, presumably, emergency services got a call about the Phantoms like, ‘911, what’s your emergency?’ ‘We’ve got hostile ghosts!’)

Alright, circling back to the Luthors!

Brainy and Lena are feeling their feelings, folks.

Loved all Brainy’s stuff. Particularly, his enraged, “I hate him! I hate him!” and then his quieter, broken, “I miss her.”

Just. So good.

(But man he is...2 for 3 on busted tech. Keyboard, tablet...fortunately the TV was spared but it was close!)

And Lena had some growth! 

I’m just at the point where I’m never gonna like. Enjoy the character--too many years of fandom baggage unfortunately. But credit where it is due: NO MORE LITTLE BOXES, THANK GOODNESS.

She’s gone from Bowler Hat Guy to Elsa. Good for her.

The amount of Lex this week was about as much as I can handle anymore. Simmering in the background, antagonizing Lena...that’s where he belongs.

(But he can leave now, thanks.)

Okay so BACK TO KARA, b/c you know. I’m biased.

Her time in the Phantom Zone is a little less introspective than I expected, thus far. However! Still the good Kara content I crave.

Kara making friends and influencing others with her sheer determination and compassion? 

Almost like...her real power lies in her ability to inspire others. 

Gasp! A theme!

Also the mention of fractured memories...intriguing! 

And will no-doubt dovetail into the upcoming time-travel/flashback episodes.

I am excited.

An aside: Kara’s gonna be so distressed that she missed out on all these big emotional milestones.

“J’onn and M’gann soul-bonded? Alex and Kelly moved in together? Lena and Brainy engaged in healthy coping mechanisms???”

She’s gonna have so many Hallmark cards to buy.

*Card with a cute smiley face on it* *opens it up* ‘Congrats on not murdering your brother!’

I’m sure there’s a bunch of other great stuff I’m missing but that’s all I can remember at the moment, so!

TL;DR - SO MANY FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELINGS! From everyone! It was great.

NEXT WEEK: Phantom Friends Fight to Find a Feasible Flight from the Frigid Fathomage of the Former Fort Rozz!

[magioffire]

What does Vali like to see in other people partner wise? Does he have a particular preference?

Does he enjoy listening to music? If so, what is his preferred genre of music to listen to?

What is his anger like? Does his magic react to his emotions?

1. what does vali's see in the people hes attracted to...thats a question i ask myself a lot because boy does he have some...questionable taste. i think ive narrowed it down to this: vali is attracted to power. and hes attracted to the unknown. not just in the sense that he craves power, if he cant have it for himself he wants to be in proximity to that power, but also in the sense he secretly desires to be vulnerable, which seems almost paradoxical. how could someone who desires power and control in his life so much, desire to also lose that control? particularly when you take into account his traumatic history and experiences where vulnerability was punished. but it also starts to make sense when you start to look at it that way too. his autonomy and his control was stripped from him against his will, and he had to fight tooth and nail to free himself from that life, only to be thrown straight into another life where control is the name of the game. hes surrounded by people who want to see his downfall. and so it creates this paradoxical desire in vali's mind where he is so frightened is letting go of control, that he might end up right back where he started, that everything he worked for will be lost, but he is also so desperate to be able to give up control and dominance for just one moment, of his own will, his own choice, to someone he trusts, who wont abuse it. more than power i think he does more desire to be safe, to be accepted and free to express himself, free to be whomever he pleases, and for others to have that same chance too. so... i think this has a lot to do with vali's attraction to powerful people and beings, and why he experiences a lot of conflict between the people he ends up falling for, and his extreme desire to maintain this facade of control to protect himself.

other than the deep psychological analysis, things vali automatically finds attractive in people is: silver, platinum or white hair. tall, dark and handsome sorts. Tall Buff Ladies who could pin him up against a wall. the broody types that actually got a soft side. muses with a villainous streak but underneath valeriu and them may share some idealogical similarities just acted upon differently, that conflict is *chefs kiss* and vali for some reason keeps falling into it lmfao. people who are just as chaotic as him. he is automatically interested in someone if they have artistic talents too. fellow fire magic users also get immediate attraction.

2. vali, and fae in general, LOVE music. in fact its a very important part of dokkalfar life. vali knows how to play instruments like the guitar/lute a little bit. fun fact, dokkalfar string instruments like guitars and violins, where you have to place your fingers upon a fretboard, are modified with little indents for dokkalfar to fit their nails in so that they dont get in the way while trying to press one's finger pads against the strings, though some dokkalfar musicians still file down their naturally sharp nails to make it even easier to play. where valeriu and other fae really excel thought is in their singing voices. all fae have a massive vocal range, and their singing has often been described as 'ethereal' or 'angelic', almost possessing a siren-like quality as it draws people in, but it can also be equally terrifying or demonic in their massive vocal ranges, able to hit such high notes at such extreme frequency that they can produce sonic screams that can stun enemies. so their voices are a weapon in and of itself. among the dokkalfar however, they usually use music for pleasure and play music that us human would find at least somewhat familiar. im still not sure exactly how it would sound, considering its meant to have such an alien but also familiar feel to it. i bet fae music would parallel human music in a lot of ways. it would just be....slightly 'off'.

3. oh boy. alright so despite being a fire mage, valeriu is not quick to *true* anger. sure, he can sometimes get quickly irritated and he also is a super passionate person, but its very very rare he actually gets angry. hes a generally very patient person, and while he may not always understand, he strives to be understanding. however, like a dormant volcano, he can erupt, usually when you least expect it. and when he does, oh boy, you better get out of the epicenter of his rage. his magic very much reacts when he lets his more wrathful emotions get the best of him. the first thing you will notice when he begins to lose his cool is the room or area around him will become hotter and hotter by the moment, any fire sources within the room will roar to life and become bigger and bigger flames, he wont be screaming or yelling, he will either be deathly silent or very, very calmly, almost monotone, either warning the person that pissed him off off before he really blows, or explaining just how badly they fucked up. once the explosion of anger actually begins, valeriu may even create illusions of fire by accident, like once when in a fight with one of his suitors, valeriu summoned a giant fiery cobra that chased them out of his estate. note that while they are 'illusions' in the sense its the image of something, the fire that creates the illusion is still very much real and will burn you. usually if you get to this point in vali's anger, vali is on attack mode, whether thats actually attacking or attacking verbally, particularly if he feels threatened or challenged. basically: its very, very hard to seriously piss off vali, but if you do, gods have mercy on your soul.

[light-of-valentia]

Boys’ Snuggling Headcanons

ok so for whatever reasons my writing is blowing up now, so i’m gonna take advantage of that and write some probably shitty headcanons right now n post em!!! i’m gonna write these for ALL the student boys too, not just golden deer! i got admin lil right next to me so we talkin these over and writin em together- admin belle

adding this cut bc this is gonna be REALLY long and i dont wanna eat up yall’s dashes kdfhgjdfghlkh, no nsfw content or spoilers though

Black Eagles

Hubert von Vestra

Not super big on cuddling most of the time, as physical affection isn’t his best love language

He has really clammy hands and while he isn’t self-conscious per se, he knows he wouldn’t want to be subjected to such clamminess himself

Likes to slip an arm around his your waist

Doesn’t like to face his partner while cuddling

Holds himself close to his partner’s body while they fall asleep

He will absolutely play with your hair once you are asleep though

Ferdinand von Aegir

Affectionate both in public and private, but more so in private

“A true noble would always shower his dearest in affection”

If you’re ok with it, he would love subtle cuddles in public, like slipping his arm around you if you’re near him or “stretching” to sling his arm over your shoulders to pull you closer

Prefers to be a big spoon, but if you really wanted to be the big spoon, he would 100% let you

He is touch-starved please snuggle him

Likes to run his fingers through your hair and ramble about how amazing you are, how he loves you, etc.

Caspar von Bergliez

He HAS to be the big spoon

Even if you’re much taller or larger than him, he thrives off of feeling like he is protecting you

He loves it when s/o lays their head on his chest

Thrives off of nuzzling his face into the crook of his partner’s neck

Loves to hug his partner tight and close to him, like he’s never gonna let go

If you or he had a bad day, expect cuddles the minute you two get a chance

Cuddles happen on his bed because then when his you is gone, it still smells like you

Linhardt von Hevring

Sleepy boy loves snuggling, but you’ll never hear him say it

Reason?? He’s never awake long enough to realize

If you two are on a couch or bed and he’s drowsy, he’ll just use you as a pillow

He’s like a koala he’ll just latch on

Loves being the little spoon but, again, won’t admit it

Likes to face you and run his fingers through your hair

The pillow he lost on campus was because of him using “I lost my pillow” as an excuse to use you for one

Blue Lions

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd

He is so cuddly oh my god

Physical contact from you is just so healing to him he is so touch starved PLEASE cuddle him

He will totally walk around with you in his coat like a bat with his wings folded around you, hugging you to his torso

He is super shy, but also very clingy, so this is how he gets his necessary dose of you during the day when you aren’t alone

If he had a rough day or he is being bothered by memories from his past, he will come into your room crying and that’s how you know it’s snuggle time

Absolutely loves being the little spoon but he will never admit this to you

Depending on his mood, sometimes he just likes to curl up around you and hold you tight, and other times he just likes to bury his face in your chest as refuge from the world

Also reeeally loves to face you when cuddling

He really likes to lay on your chest and feel your heartbeat

This boy just loves to snuggle so much, the physical contact and closeness just puts him at ease

If you let him, he will cling to you like a stuffed animal while you both fall asleep

Sorry his are so much longer than the other ones- baby boy has been through a lot and he really needs his snuggles

Dedue Molinaro

Not super cuddly by nature, but if you’re into it, he’ll absolutely do it with you

He is like a human furnace, so cuddles with him can be with or without blankets

Faerghus winters too cold for comfort? Call in Dedue and you two will warm up with couch snuggles, hot tea, and books

He always smells like nice spices from whatever he last cooked

It’s usually you who initiates cuddle sessions, though he sometimes will when he is particularly exhausted

He doesn’t get too reachy and ansty with snuggling- he likes to use it to calm down both physically and mentally

Likes to fall asleep with a hand or finger over yours

Ashe Ubert

Lowkey extremely cuddly, but not as dramatic about it as Dimitri

He loves to be the big spoon; he has always been fiercely protective of the ones he loves, having had to provide for his siblings from a very young age, and this definitely shows in his desire to protect you

However, if you want to be the big spoon, he usually won’t object. He tries to be manly and dominant, but sometimes, he can’t help but find himself as putty in your hands

He l o v e s to snuggle you up from behind and nuzzle his face into your hair- the smell of it is heavenly to him

He doesn’t really care if you’re dirty or freshly-bathed, the smell of you and especially your hair is so comforting to him

Loves to hold you tight and run his fingers through your hair or massage your body

After a long day, Ashe likes to lay down with you, your legs and bodies all tangled up together, and just gaze into your eyes

The look he always gives you when you’re snuggling is absolutely radiating with love

Having you asleep in his arms is like the goddesses’ gift to him, and he just likes to pet your hair and comb it, give you little butterfly kisses wherever he can, and administer all sorts of innocent little gifts of affection

Sylvain Jose Gautier

Snuggles with him tend to be either very playful or emotional depending on how he feels

Some days, he just likes to cling to you and massage wherever his hands wind up and gush to you about how lucky he is to have someone who loves him for himself and not his title or crest

Likes to tickle you sometimes, and use your giggling moments of vulnerability to get himself closer to you

If you have longer hair, snuggling Sylvain means he’s gonna end up playing with it

You will have conversations while snuggling and Sylvain will just be twirling little strands of your hair and sometimes even braiding it

Loves falling asleep on your chest, feeling your heartbeat and knowing that you’re real and you really do love him

Felix Hugo Fraldarius

He really likes to feel warm, and he gets his warms from snuggling you

This never happens in public though, always behind closed doors

The first few times you snuggle, he refuses to face you because his face in full blush and he can’t let you see it oh no

Lowkey loves the smell of your hair and how soft your skin is

Likes to ghost his fingers through your hair and nuzzle into your neck

On the rarer occasion, he will be whispering sweet nothings and just snuggling you and clinging to you and humming

He tries to make himself the big spoon, but if you play your cards right, he is putty in your hands

Golden Deer

Claude von Riegan

Likes to start off snuggle sessions with some teasing, but if they don’t escalate into makeout sessions, he likes to enjoy a relatively peaceful silence with you

He likes to do little things in private to get your attention for some snuggles, like pinch your side or tug your wrist lightly

He doesn’t mind maintaining physical closeness with you in public either, though

He absolutely will pull you towards him by the waist, give you a kiss, and snuggle up to you for a hot minute in public, and he really does not care who is watching unless you do

He loves facing you and peppering your face, neck, and collarbone with soft little kisses

Big spoon. Rarely lets you be the big spoon, and when he does, he is such a tease about it

He likes to rub little circles into your lower back and waist

Loves holding you up close to him, chests flushed together, his head resting on top of yours

He really likes it when you tousle his curls and brush through them with your fingers

If you have a developed chest, he has no shame in using your breasts as pillows

Likes it when you fall asleep on top of him

He isn’t clingy per se, but he is like a magnet to you and he enjoys having a physical closeness to you

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester

He tries to upkeep his chivalrous noble attitude while snuggling, but after a little while, he drops the act and just tries to enjoy the moment

Loves to converse with you while your bodies are tangled together

When he’s stressed, he loves it when you give him little back massages

If you’ve recently bathed, he lo o o ves the smell of you all fresh and clean while you snuggle

Sometimes, he fills idle air with praise of you, but other times, he just likes to savor silence

Snuggling with him usually only happens in private, since he gets very flustered with PDA that is not initiated by him

Raphael Kirsten

Big boy like to hug

He is generally super warm, but his hands and feet can be cold

His hair is v e r y soft and he likes when you ruffle through it

He likes to lay down with you and hug you to his chest

Alternatively, he doesn’t mind a bit when you just sprawl over him and use his muscular torso as a pillow

He likes the thought of long snuggle sessions with you, but he tends to fall asleep early on

Ignatz Victor

He likes to be very gentle whilst cuddling you

Prefers to face you so that he can take in and admire how amazing your features are, you’re like a muse to him

Massages? Massages.

Likes to spritz whatever couch or bed you’re using with rose or lavender oil for a nice added aesthetic to relax in

Snuggling is very sensually relaxing to him, and he loves to brush through your hair, take in your scent, and soak up everything you have to offer

Likes to be the big spoon, since it gives him an opportunity to show how much he appreciates you, but doesn’t object to being the little spoon

Glasses usually come off whilst snuggling so he doesn’t break them, but if you are both being still, he will put them back on so that he can appreciate how beautiful/handsome you are

[asrasotherbottom]

If you dont want to write this it's alright,but! how about a gn!mc and julian in which mc has sort of a strong scent/musk kink? sort of..how would julian would react to mc wanting to get it on while he's sort of a sweaty mess,,and if you really dont mind the kink,maybe pressing a kiss up his arms to his armpit. maybe he's a bit shy or nervous. I mean cmon the man wears leather on leather. Thank you if you take this! if not, it's understandable,and im grateful still!

(no worries! this wasnt a problem at all!~ i hope you dont mind im doing it as sort of longwinded headcanons) 

Julian x Scent/Musk Kink MC (~LEMON~)

Julian is probably super aware of the fact that his outfit gets a little…warm…especially when Vesuvia is already so warm. 

But also its something he’s used to, especially being so committed to the Aesthetic as he is. 

He’d still probably be a little shocked when MC brings up that they’re into it. At the very least he was hoping they’d be neutral about it and yknow, understanding that bathing isn’t always easy to come by. Especially if they’re out at sea. 

Initially he’d be into it, its hot that they’re into him being sweaty and his scent and it takes 0 effort on his part. He’s only gonna get sweatier during sex, so logistically he’s also into it. 

When they’re actually having sex, he gets a little shy. The verbal and physical praise doesn’t quite hit the same way he’s used to because its not in the realm of what he’s done before. 

“You smell incredible” usually is in reference to leather and the sea for him, so for it to be about his natural musk is extremely different. 

So when MC pressed gentle kisses up his arm and lifts his arm up to gently kiss into his armpit, he gets a little shy about it. 

“MC, er, are you, are you sure you want to do that? It was particularly hot out today.” 

But once they reassure him that they very much /do/ want to do that, an how gentle and tender they are, the feeling of their warm breath on his skin when they exhale, he relaxes a lot. 

Its a vulnerability thing that really also hits the spot for him as a sub too.

It’s somehow much more intimate for him than sex usually is, its not about using him or screwing him or just fucking, theyre enjoying something that is so absolutely a part of /him/ and something that some people wouldn’t enjoy at all and it is more emotional for him than he thought itd be. 

He briefly gets worried again when MC goes down on him, because he KNOWS crotch sweat in leather pants is so so very real, but its still the gentle way they run their lips along his skin and the feeling of their breath on his body that soothes him. 

The praise will start to hit better after a while, like every time MC wants to fuck him when he’s sweaty after a long day will feel like extended body worship to him. 

Though eventually when he feels the trickle of sweat down his back , he’ll start getting horny in public thinking about MC. 

[taehyungsgrowl]

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him. 

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know. 

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible. 

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING. 

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though) 

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out 

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

[thewalkingfanfictions]

Relax (Steve Rogers x Nonbinary!reader)

“Imagine taking care of Steve after a particularly difficult mission.”

Relax -- (Steve Rogers x Nonbinary!reader)

Description: Steve comes back from a bad mission, and the reader (with powers similar to Jasper from Twilight) has to help him relax.

Warning: some depressing stuff from Steve and some vague mentions of a failed mission including fire and kids or something. Probably a couple cuss words, I dont remember.

Genre: general fluff, but it starts out kinda angsty, hurt/comfort

Pairing: Hurt!Steve Rogers (Captain America) x non gender specific!reader

A/N: once again, I wrote this when I was, what, ten? So, like... don't judge. Or do, I don't really care, actually. Gif isn't mine, y'all should know that. I finally managed to post it onto the right page, be proud. I'm still leaving it up over there, though, cause I'm too lazy to actually delete it fully. Anyway...

Words without A/N: 1942

Masterlist

<—————————————>

He hadn't been able to save all of them. He should have been able to save all of them. There had been children, babies even. And he hadn't been able to save them. He hadn't been able to get them all out of the building in time.

It had been a very long, and very hard mission. He had known it would be from the start, but he hadn't realized just how mentally damaging it would've been. He could still hear the screams of the victims still trapped inside of the burning building that he should've been able to save.

All he could think about was the people who had lost their lives, and the people who had lost loved ones, as he trudged into the elevator that would take him to his floor of the Avengers Tower. He didn't even bother to go to the debriefing that was held after the mission, he just headed towards his room in some desperate attempt to escape his pain and grief and stress.

 As he made his first step off of the elevator on his floor, he vaguely registered someone speaking to him.

"Mistah Rogers? Are you alright? Well, no, uh, of course you're not alright. I can feel what happened. Oh, I'm so sorry, Mistah Rogers."

The sweet, slanted voice of (name) (last name) broke through the somber fog that had seemed to wrap itself around his mind. He usually rather enjoyed the empath's ramblings, but right now their reading his emotions was not good. He had to keep up his hero facade, if he didn't, he might as well be walking away from himself. So in an attempt to get away from them, he just grunted and kept walking.

"Mistah Rogers? Hey, did you hear me?"

'Just go away, kid,' he thought to himself. He felt his emotional support beams snap just a moment before he rounded on the empath.

"You know, for somebody who has the literal ability to read peoples feelings and emotions, you sure can't tell when your presence isn't wanted, can you?!" He growled, his voice dangerously low. He didn't mean that, of course, he just couldn't deal with people right now. He saw a flash of hurt cut across their eyes at his words, but it quickly demolished and reformed into some odd form of understanding.

"Oh I'm... I'm sorry–I'll, uh, I'll just g-go now," they replied in a stuttered mumble, before scurrying towards the elevator. As he watched their heel disappear behind the metal doors, he almost reached out to tell them he didn't mean it; but the door was too fast, and before the words could escape his lips, the (your hair color) haired empath was gone from sight.

He let out an irritated sigh and ran a hand over his face, before about-facing, and continuing the trek to his room.

The second he kicked the door closed behind him, he was taking off his clothing and slipping into a pair of baggy sweat pants, and belly-flopping down onto his too-soft bed.

He just laid there a moment, feeling himself slip into that beautifully fuzzy haze of not-full-consciousness and not full sleep. Focusing on that and not the ache in his shoulders and back or the sound of screaming that still reverberating in his mind was probably why he didn't notice the soft knock that came to his door, or the click of the hinges as it was pushed open slightly to reveal the same (hair color) haired, (eye color) eyed person that he had nearly shouted at in the hallway only a few moments before. He should have been ashamed of his lack of vigilance, but in all honestly, thinking back on it later he would probably be glad he hadn't.

The empath carried a small bag that held several different items in it. Most of which Steve would deny ever using if he was ever asked outright. Everything from essential oils to lavender scented bath soaps were held in that bag.

~~~~~~~

They knew that Stevens previous explosion was not really aimed at them, he was only stressed and in desperate need of some well deserved R&R. They also knew that what they were about to do could get them yelled at by the super soldier, but they couldn't not help him. Part of being an empath was feeling someone else's pain as if it were one's own, and right now, all the pain and anger and grief that he felt was also within them. So their doing this for him was to help them almost as much.

Hesitantly, they reached out a trembling hand and placed it upon his bare shoulder. At the initial contact he stiffened and sharply inhaled, but, as they released some of their power, he immediately began to calm down.

Another part of their power was the ability to manipulate other peoples emotions. It may not have been the coolest power, but, in times like this, they found it rather useful.

They removed their hand from his shoulder just long enough to rub some essential oils and lotions onto their hands, before replacing them on his shoulder and softly beginning to massage away the tension. His muscles were still so wound up from the mission that it took them a few moments to get through to his sore flesh, but the moment they did, he let out a small breathy groan that brought a small smile to their lips.

They worked their way all the way across his broad shoulders, and then down his back, all the way to the band of his low-riding sweatpants and back up to repeat the motion again in backwards order. Switching between soft kneading and harder circles with the heel of their small hand, continuing for the better part of an hour until his muscles were back to their previous limber flexibility.

They had noted some twenty minutes before that his groans and sighs of appreciation had morphed into soft snores and the rapid flow of rabid emotions that had cut though his consciousness before were now down to a minimum.

'Good,' they thought, 'its working.'

But now that they needed him to move, it could be possibly problematic. Gently, they moved up to his face and gingerly placed a pale hand upon it, shaking him slightly to wake him and whispered quietly.

"Hey, Mistah Rogers... he, I need you to roll over for me... Do you think you can, love?"

His beautiful blue eyes opened just a slit to see their face and he let out a rather loud, guttural moan as he pushed himself to roll onto his back, his tired muscles not quite awake enough to push himself up with much grace, as he just kind of flopped over, one arm layed across his abdomen the other still trapped under his body. They gently pulled his arm from under his body, and layed the other straight beside him, before re-applying more lotions and returning to message his front side.

Again, they started at one shoulder and worked their way across to the other, then worked their way down his chest and stomach, then back up before going to his bicep and massaging down his arm, all the way to his hand, going back up, then repeating the action with his other arm.

They left him for a moment to go to his bathroom and start the bath. Taking the correct products from their bag, they began pouring in generous amounts of bath salts and bubbles as it filled.

They quickly went back into his bedroom and softly shook him back awake, careful not to be too harsh.

"Hey, there, Mistah Rogers, come on, I've got a bath running for you."

His eyes opened ever so slightly yet again to take in their face, and process what the (eye colored) eyed empath had said. With a groan, he pushed himself to a sitting position, and allowed them to pull him into the bathroom. Once there, they turned to him expectantly before blushing heavily and turning their back to him so he could slip out of his sweats. He was far too tired to be very embarrassed at the happenings as he gingerly climbed into the bath, using the bubbles as a sort of blanket to hide his, heh, "intimate area" from view.

As soon as they knew he was covered decently, they turned back with a washcloth and poured some soap onto it, scrubbing the foam into the rag to make it sudsy.

They bent and sat on their knees at the side of the tub, leaning forward and not hesitating to begin washing him with the utmost care.

~~~~~~~

The feeling of their rag covered hand scouring over his body gave him chills, he hadn't felt so well taken care of like this since before the serum, when his oldest freind would take care of him when he was sick. And, as much as he hated to admit it, it felt amazing. To be vulnerable to someone like this had an almost orgasmic quality to it. He let his head drop back onto the edge of the tub and closed his eyes, allowing himself to fully relax against their adept hands as they swept his body.

He felt the soft rag cross his shoulders, then down his arms, then across his toned stomach, stopping before their hands dipped bellow the belt line and went down his legs, all the way down to his feet.

He felt as their unclothed hand moved down his arm and gently grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand above the waters bubbly surface and setting the wash rag in his hand. Wordlessly, they gestured to his groin area, asking him to wash himself while they left to get some dry towels.

He did as they had silently asked, and they returned quickly with two large, fluffy, white towels to dry him with. The empath helped him stand and step out of the bathtub, handing him one of the towels to dry his front while they patted dry his back.

He stood as still as he could on limbs that felt like gelatin as they finished drying him and helped him back into his sweat pants. Leading him back to his bed. They pulled back the bed spread and helped him lie down in a comfortable position.

They stayed like that for a few moment, just watching each other, before (name) smiled a small smile, squeezed his hand, and turned to leave.

But their hand didn't leave his.

He held them back until they looked back down at him with curious  eyes.

"Thank you," they said simply. "and... call me Steve."

Their answer was just a kind smile and another soft squeeze to his hand. They tried yet again to move away from him, but again was stopped by him not releasing their hand. A small blush creeped onto his cheeks as he asked quietly:

"Would you, uh, would, would you mind staying with me, for tonight?" He quietly questioned.

Yet again their responding smile answered his question as they crawled down into the bed beside him. He turned towards the empath and they pulled him towards them, resting his head on their chest and reaching up to toy with his still slightly wet blonde hair.

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep in their embrace, and not much longer for them to follow suit. Their hand still buried in his soft hair.

Let's just say that it was the best night of sleep either of them had had in a very long time.

[thotantics]

👉🏻👈🏻 um hi can i pls request a GOT7 reaction where you’re insecure about your body and they make you feel better?

Jaebeom

He’ll want to know what it is, specifically, that makes you feel insecure. What on you could POSSIBLY be unlikable? Whatever it is, he’s going to worship it for you. He’s going to love your flaws so beautifully it will leave you absolutely breathless. It’s a selfish thing, in truth, because he feels like he can find nothing but beauty in you, head to toe, so whatever you don’t like, he’ll enjoy spending some quality time with and letting you know in vivid detail just why he loves it so much. Maybe later, when you’re looking in the mirror, you’ll see those things you don’t like about yourself and instead of dwelling on why you don’t like them, you’ll be reminded of his mouth on you there, or his fingers touching you like you’re a work of art, and instead of feeling sad, you’ll blush. At least, that’s his goal.

Mark

I think he’s going to put in a lot of work to try and help you with your insecurities. He’ll have a lot of long talks with you about it, wanting you to understand that while he thinks that you’re the most beautiful person in the world, he knows that he can’t really change your opinions about yourself. He tries to work through this with you by praising you frequently on the things he discovers you’re most insecure about. He pays special attention to your moods and the way you carry yourself in general; if you’re acting particularly shy, catch him doubling his efforts to loosen you up. Massages, lingering kisses on your flushed skin, his adoring eyes boring into your own, “You have no idea how beautiful you really are to me..”

Jackson

I think he would take this very seriously. Jackson would understand better than you might think, because he has his own insecurities. Shocking, considering the look of this entire man but he’s very hard on himself and it would tear him up inside to think that you’re being hard on yourself, too. He wants to shoulder as much of your burdens as he can, so he’s definitely the type of boyfriend to encourage you to let it all out, pour out your heart and soul to him, let him know everything you’re comfortable sharing about what you don’t like about yourself. He’s very reassuring, softness in his gaze and sincerity in his voice when he tells you that there’s nothing about you he doesn’t find attractive. He’s smart enough to remind you that physical imperfections don’t matter, but he’s also love struck and sappy enough to insist that, to him, you are 100% perfect. If you want to join him at the gym or maybe get a new wardrobe to help your confidence, he’s very supportive but that’s for you; to him you’re flawless and he’ll make sure he does everything in his power so that you feel that way in his presence.

Jinyoung

Similarly to Jackson, Jinyoung shoulders a lot of responsibility as far as taking care of his loved ones goes. If you’re acting shy and unwilling to share your body with him for any reason, part of him will blame himself. Realistically, he knows he’s not to blame and that everyone has insecurities but he is heavily influenced by his own emotions. Is he not praising you enough? Doesn’t he make you feel beautiful? Surely there’s something more he could do or say or offer to you to make you feel better? Deep down, he knows this is a personal struggle for you but he’ll feel really bad about it. If he’s in a relationship for the long haul, odds are he thinks that you’re perfect inside and out. But he tries to be sympathetic and rational for you, because he feels that’s what you need the most. “Don’t think about it too much. I’m here, and I love you, inside and out, every single inch of you.”

Youngjae

He knows all about it before you ever bring it up. He’s observed it in the way you shield certain parts of yourself from him, in the way you study yourself in the mirror and how you apply your makeup. He knows. He’s sympathetic to it to an extent but he doesn’t really understand. Youngjae thinks he’s the luckiest man alive to have you, so watching you when you’re feeling insecure is going to eat at him a little bit. He has trouble expressing himself sometimes, but he loves you dearly and watching you struggle with your physical appearance hurts him. He’ll comfort you to the best of his ability, with lots of sweet kisses and reassurances but he won’t have any qualms about letting you know that he thinks it’s a bit dumb, “Aish, you should know how beautiful you are, you don’t need my approval or anybody’s for that matter!” Regardless of what he says, he’ll always tell you how pretty you look to him. He just thinks you “shouldn’t have to” feel insecure about your body. I can see him being the one who rants and raves about society and the pressures placed on women to meet a certain standard of beauty.

Bambam

Like Youngjae, Bambam will notice really early on that you’re insecure about your body. He’s observant and thoughtful, and he treads on this subject lightly because he doesn’t want to make you feel even more insecure. He knows it’s a sensitive thing vs Youngjae will just rant and rave about how you “dont have to” feel this way but I digress. Bambam will understand better than anybody how you feel, and he’s very sympathetic and gentle in his approach to how he will handle it. He doesn’t ever want you to feel too shy or afraid to open up to him, especially not in the bedroom. He wants you to feel free to be vulnerable with him, willing to expose yourself, trusting of him entirely. His love is very pure in this way, he’d never want you to feel negatively when you’re with him. He won’t bring it up unless he can tell it’s bothering you a lot, or getting in the way of your intimacy together, but when he does bring it up it’s with gentle hands on your skin, fingers tracing his favorite parts of your body, his voice low and soft as he tells you in detail just how beautifully he sees you.

Yugyeom

This big pouty, dramatic baby. He gets sulky if you’re feeling shy and insecure about your body. Obviously he thinks you’re attractive or he wouldn’t be with you, and he won’t mind at all reassuring you in the times that you need him to. But he wishes you didn’t feel this way and it makes him sad if it’s something that really bothers you or affects your relationship negatively in any way. I can see him as the kind of partner who wants to lay and have deep, philosophical pillow talk late at night, both of you staring up at the ceiling or on your sides, facing one another. In those moments, he’ll admit to you how sad he gets when he sees you hiding your body from him, or if you say things negative about yourself. He just wishes it was easier for your sake, truly, his big, sensitive heart gets crushed by it at times. He’ll lighten the mood with a few jokes and try to make you laugh, he’ll pick on you and tickle you until you feel better and hope that he can, at the very least, distract you from your worries.

[psychicrunawaybouquet-aus]

Hey guys, so like once a year I write something Spideychelle. Be warned I don’t proof read. This also happens to be a tacky combination of angst and fluff. Enjoy.

Even after all this time, she still frantically checked the news every night, she still followed Spider-Man alerts, she still turned up the radio at the mention of his name she still wore her webbed spider necklace every day without fail. Eventually she had begun to wonder if it was worth it. She had left him to escape Spider-Man, and yet she everywhere she looked, he was there. She still loved him, she still loved Spider-Man and there was nothing she could do to escape it. Her 3 month hiatus in Europe only reminded her of when they were young, when they first fell in love. Her 6 months spent completely dedicated to work and nothing else only served as a distraction. But by the time she had accepted that worrying about Spider-Man and being with peter was better then worrying about Spider-Man and being without peter, it was too late. There was a girl, apparently her name was Gwen, she was small and feminine and delicate and According to Ned she was a teacher that volunteered her spare time saving obscure African animals. Gwen it seemed, was everything MJ could never truly be for Peter.

So she moved on. She dated sporadically but it was mostly empty. And then one night her phone rang, it’s insistent buzzing waking her from sleep abruptly. She didn’t even check the caller Id she just sleepily answered. ‘What is it?’ She demanded weakly her voice clouded with sleep.

There was an extremely small, anxious breath that immediately caused MJ’s nervous system to kick into gear. ‘Mj, something happened.’ It was the voice of Ned Leeds, but it sounded broken, concerned afraid. ‘What happened?’ She heard herself say her heart in her throat. ‘It’s Peter... he, it was bad MJ. It’s bad.’

‘Tell me straight Leeds.’ She heard herself say in a harsh cold manner.

‘They don’t think he is going to make it.’ MJ nearly dropped her phone but she forced herself to listen to the other end of the line. ‘I thought you might want to be here. In case...’ Ned’s voice broke before he paused and continued. ‘There is a car on the way. We’re upstate, it’s ugh. It’s up to you.’

She couldn’t find her voice, all she could hear was vacant ringing of blood rushing in her ears. She was shaking, she was sure that she was going to throw up. But she needed to go. ‘I’ll be there.’ Was all she said before hanging up.

....

The upstate facility was much the same as she had remembered it. Cold, commercial, an echo of heroes that had sacrificed their lives. Peter couldn’t join the dead. Not yet. He was too full of life, too good too... she couldn’t go any further. Yet her feet kept moving as she was guided through the concrete hallways until eventually she was met with a small waiting area occupied by a pale looking May Parker, a puffy eyed Ned Leeds and a small terrified looking blonde who she knew to be Gwen Stacey.

Suddenly MJ felt awkward, out of place. She had no right to be here. She shouldn’t have come. But before she could consider her mistake much further May was striding towards her pulling her into a crushing hug. She let her arms hold May, she tried to be as strong as she could for a woman who has lost so much. May released the embrace allowing Ned to pull MJ into a crushing hug. ‘He’s still here. Thanks for coming.’ Ned whispered to her.

Thanks for coming. The words rang around her mind over and over again as she gently smiled at Gwen and took a seat in the small room. It could have been hours or minutes of silence before the doctor emerged. She heard him say that Peter was in an induced coma, that they didn’t know if he would come out or even make it through the night. That he may be able to hear them, that they should say their goodbyes just in case...’

Gwen and May both burst into tears and Ned’s head simply hangs low. But MJ bites the inside of her mouth. She has no right to cry. She let him go for this exact reason, she let him go to protect herself. She will kill him herself before she lets him die like this.

So they all go in, one by one and utter their private goodbyes to Peter Parker, and MJ, she goes last. She didn’t even want to go in at all but May gives her this strange look of understanding. She seems to say if you don’t say goodbye you will regret it.

So she walks in the room with beeping machines and flashing instruments and as soon as the door closes she sinks to her knees and feels her body rack with sobs. Peter looks so fragile in the bed. He’s bruised and sallow and it takes her 3 whole minutes before she can will herself to stand up and approach him.

But when she does, she takes a seat at his side and brushes the back of his hand with her fingers selfishly. He isn’t hers. But she allows herself to imagine that he is. She allows herself to feel the love she has been denying herself for two years and the emotions are unbearable within her own body.

‘Peter.’ She murmurs likely to no one. She isn’t sure if he is there anymore but she tries anyway. ‘I’m so sorry. You’re so bloody stupid but so aM I’ She took a shaky breath before she moved closer to him on the bed, clasping his still but warm hand. ‘I still love you so much.’ She admitted. ‘ I’ve loved you everyday since I was fourteen and I don’t want to know a world that doesn’t have you in it.’ Her body collapsed on itself until she was resting her forehead against his. ‘Please Peter, I love you.’

But he didn’t move, he didn’t answer, she didn’t really expect him too. But the fear and disappointment in seeing his eyes still closed, his face still vacant. It was horrifying. So she turned around and walked away, briskly wiping her eyes before she left the room.

....

They waited all night. Gwen falling in and out sleep in her chair. May patting her hand gently. Ned tapping his leg. MJ sat by herself digging her nails into her palms to keep herself from crumbling. Until she found herself getting up and walking towards the kitchen. She made an espresso and downed it, splashing water in her face to keep herself alert.

‘MJ.’ May called. ‘He’s brainwaves have changed, they think he’s waking up.’

She and May ran the way back to Peter’s room halting abruptly outside of it. Waiting for the doctors inside to pass on information.

May held her hand so tight, they were crushing each other. MJ felt as though her breath had stopped all together and that her heart was going to beat so hard it would escape her chest.

Eventually the doctor emerges. He leads with ‘Mr. Parker appears to be waking up we think it’s because of ....’ MJ only hears that he is waking up. She immediately wonders if he would be ok, if he would be safe and she was over whelmed with her thoughts. He isn’t hers. She reminds herself. So she recesses to the corner of the waiting room. They only let May in Peters room anyway.

Pepper Potts offers to let them stay. They all agree and MJ begins to realise that she has probably over stayed her welcome. But she can’t leave until she knows that he is ok. A shower does her good, and as she sits in the bland waiting room again, the waiting seeming to never end, she finds herself alone with Gwen. May was still locked in Peters room, Ned had gone to rest, so here they were.

‘Hi MJ.’ Gwen said in a sweet but tired tone. ‘I’m Gwen.’

‘Hi Gwen.’ MJ said softly. ‘I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.’

Gwen offers her a sad half smile. But changed the topic speaking suddenly she said. ‘I didn’t know about Spider-Man. I mean, I didn’t know that he was... is Spider-Man. It’s a lot to process.’

MJ felt a wave of empathy for the blonde opposite her. She knew exactly how she felt. But to learn Peters identity and nearly loose him all in one day. Well that must have been a lot.

‘I’m sorry.’ MJ says stiffly. ‘That must be very overwhelming for you.’ She has never been a particularly motherly or caring woman, especially in the company of strangers, but she tried to make her voice sounds genuine.

Gwen leans forward in her seat. Her face open and vulnerable. ‘Peter always spoke so highly of you MJ, I can see why.’ She paused before she continued. ‘Did he ever.. did he tell you the truth?’

And MJ knows what she is asking, she wants to know if Peter trusted MJ and not her. Part of MJ wants to bask in the knowledge that that part of Peter was just for her, that their relationship was special but she suppresses it.

‘No he didn’t. I knew but only because I figured it out back in high school, before he and I even...’ She cuts herself off, there was no need to go down that road.

‘Well I feel stupid now.’ Gwen chuckled.

‘No dont.’ MJ said quickly. ‘He used to be terrible at hiding it. But to be honest I think If he had of been able to keep it from me he would have, he always wants to protect the people closest to him. He wouldn’t have wanted to lie to you, he’s just stupid and would have done it to protect you or whatever.’

‘I don’t feel very protected now.’ Gwen said looking down at the floor. ‘I feel like maybe what I thought we had wasn’t even there at all.’

......

Peter officially woke up at 1:30 pm 30 hours after his accident. May had wiped the blood off of his face and the doctors had run some preliminary tests. He appeared to have no brain damage, no memory loss, no permanent injuries that wouldn’t heal with time. All thanks to that spider bite.

MJ was ready to leave, safe in the knowledge that he would be ok. But then apparently he had asked to see Ned and Gwen and apparently her as well. So once again she went last. And as she entered she felt a strange mix of immense relief to see Peters eyelids blinking, his arm moving his chest rising and falling as well as intense fear. After two years of silence what could she say to him? After her emotional admission on his death bed how could she look at him?

‘Hey MJ.’ Peter said weakly. ‘Hey dork.’ She said taking a seat next to him, forcing herself to look into his lively youthful eyes. ‘Sorry I scared everyone’ he said his voice rough from swelling and fatigue. ‘It’s good to see you.’ He added.

‘It’s not good to see you. Not like this.’ She saw his hand move, as though he was gesturing for her to hold it, she slowly and hesitantly slid her hand into his. His warm skin immediately sending an electronic pulse up her arm. It still felt so right. His hands still felt the same.

‘MJ’ he coughed out. ‘I think I had a dream about you. When I was out.’

She smiled at him. ‘What happened in the dream?’ She said it so kindly, so genuinely. He made her so sappy she hated it.

He gave her a weak smile. ‘You were just here. Now I think maybe it wasn’t a dream.’

He doesn’t say it out loud, but she knows what he means. He heard her. He had heard everything she said. He felt her presence and there was no getting around it.

‘I won’t be staying much longer Peter.’ She forced herself to say. ‘I need to go home, and you belong with May and Ned and Gwen.’

‘I still love you MJ. I know it’s not fair to say, not fair for Gwen and not fair for you. I know this was the reason you didn’t want to be with me. But I nearly died, and I can’t live another day with out telling you. I tried to stop loving you MJ but I just can’t.’ He looks so earnest as he speaks, even though his swollen features she can see how soft he is, how much he wants her to understand.

She feels tears well in her eyes. And it takes a while to find her voice. But eventually she speaks. ‘We can’t do this now Peter. But thank you for telling me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should never have.’ But she can’t continue. Yet again her voice is caught in her throat. He’s with Gwen, no matter what they feel, it’s all done now.

‘I love you Peter.’ She said gently as she squeezed his hand. His eyes shon with tears as she said it. ‘I hope you get better soon.’ She gently pulled her hand away from him and as she left the room she didn’t look back at him.

.....

So she went home, went back to her life and months past until, on a quiet Sunday afternoon there was a knock at her door. She swung it open forcefully, fully expecting her Uber eats delivery but instead she was met with the face of Peter Parker.

‘Hi MJ.’ He said, his voice uncomfortably high pitched and shaded in awkwardness. ‘Umm hi dork.’ She said, blinking at him.

‘Can I come in?’ He asked. She just moved out of the doorway in reply allowing him to pass.

‘Nice place’ he said. It wasn’t, she was a single income earner in New York, it was a shoe box. ‘Thanks.’ She muttered anyway.

There was a beat of intense awkward silence in which she couldn’t look at him but he only seemed to be able to look at her. Eventually she met his eye, and they both moved to talk, their words stumbling over each other.

‘You go first.’ They both said together. Causing the two of them to break into laughter in MJ’s tiny apartment.

‘Actually I will go first’ Peter interrupted before she could speak.

‘Wow ok then.’ She said, dead pan. ‘come into my house and demand to speak first.’

But he was used to her taunting by now and apparently he couldn’t be deterred. so he ignored it, stepping closer to her he opened his mouth and began to explain himself.

‘I broke up with Gwen.’ He said abruptly. ‘Or she broke up with me, I’m not clear on that still but the point is, we broke up. Four months ago’ he added on the end.

‘Oh.’ Was all MJ could manage in response, she wasn’t exactly sure how to comfort her estranged ex boyfriend on his more recent breakup so she just kind of patted his shoulder and murmured ‘sorry bout that.’

Peter smiled at her. Completely smiled, his whole face erupting with happiness. ‘What?’ She questioned, taken aback by his lively expression and odd reaction. ‘MJ.’ He spoke her name like it was everything like she meant everything, at least to him. He sniffed before he continued ‘I promised myself I wouldn’t do this to you, but I have to try.’ He pauses again and finally looked away from her, taking a deep breath as though building up the courage to say something profound.

And suddenly she knows why he is here. He loves her still. She is sure of it, she can feel it radiating from his entire being. But she is afraid to hear it. She winces in preparation and finally he says ‘MJ, I love you. I want to be with you.’

She wishes that she was stronger, she wishes that she could turn him down and let him live out his heroic saviour complex by himself. But she just can’t. No matter how strong she was in every other aspect of her life, Peter was always her weakness.

‘I can’t promise not to be Spider-Man.’ He added. Taking her hand, his physical contact further obscuring her better judgment. ‘But I can promise to be more careful, to spend less time in the suit. To make sure I put you and our safety first. I want to compromise MJ, I can’t live with out you. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.’

She moved closer to him and before she could stop herself she had pulled him into a crushing hug. She burried her face in his neck and relished in the feeling of him. So familiar, so solid, so peter. ‘I though you were going to die.’ She admitted as her body racked with tears. She hadn’t cried over it yet, and the intense emotion founded on years of build up was ready to explode.

‘I know. I know.’ He cooed. ‘I’m so sorry MJ.’

.....

They talked all night. They held each other all night. And the truth is, that life was never easy for them, but at the end of the day, they had each other, and it’s all they ever really wanted.