#i dont regret even the slightest

[eternalstateofoctober]

i dont know if i made a mistake but i’m so stressed out right now damn it

[worthyking]

finished the little friend and well now i understand why it's never talked about in conversation with the secret history or the goldfinch

[hearts4werka]

Starry Kiss

Summary: you’ve always had a crush on your childhood best friend Chris but always thought your feelings were one-sided since he always had girls all over him and he could have anyone he wanted. One day you hosted a sleepover for your friends as well as Chris, night soon came and you two were the only ones awake and you go stargazing in the starry night where you confess your feelings to him and he responds with a genuine kiss you’ve always wanted to experience… Genre: FLUFF, childhood best friends, stargazing, sleepover, high school sweethearts, starry night, love confession, best friends to lovers, unexpected kiss & possibly more! Warnings: None! Just cutesy sweetheart best friends finally getting together!

Me and Chris have been childhood best friends and I've always had a small crush on him but never thought my feelings were one-sided since he always had girls all over him and once I even had to help him with his first crush who became his first girlfriend who later turned out to be using him.

The poor guy was devastated after that and I had to be his personal therapist for almost two weeks after he got over her and found a new girl to thirst over, it ended up not being me.

I never was good at expressing my emotions since no one never asked unless it was evident something was wrong, only ever Chris saw through the fake smile I would put on everyday to hide the real emotions I would feel, that's one of the many reasons why I have a fat crush on him since childhood.

After school we walk together to my house or his then I would vent to him and show him the real me no one else saw besides him. We could talk and laugh together for hours on end, I always tried to somehow give him blank hints but too scared to actually confess since Im afrain of ruining our friendship I love so much and will cherish all of our moments together fondly.

| - 🍂 - |

One day I decided to host a sleepover for my friend group, including Chris and some of his guy friends since I know he wouldn't survive being around all of my girlfriends so of course I made an acception for him.

And I’m sure my friends won’t mind.

Chris was the first person to get there since he came in early to help me with preparing all of the stuff that needs to be set up.

While setting up the designated place to sleep we got into a small pillow fight…

• Before Everyone Arrived…

When I was arranging the pillows with Chris’s help, I suddenly felt something soft hit my back and chuckling behind me. Slowly turning for dramatic effect I see Chris burst out laughing and I know he threw the pillow at me.

His laughter is soon muffled by a pillow hitting his face, I soon followed with the chuckles and choked out through the laughter filling the air.

“Thats what you get!”

He immediately went into action and started to throw more pillows at me and I followed behind, throwing pillows at him that were in my reach. We soon started a pillow fight.

I grabbed one of the longer and bigger pillows, he looked at me and put his hand out like eleven while laughing.

“Don’t you even dare!” He speaks between chuckles as I take the risk and hit him with the big pillow in my hand.

“Oh you’re gonna regret doing that”

Suddenly he tackles me to the floor, ending up on top of me with both of us laughing and pillows flying all around, he drops down onto the floor next to me as we continue to laugh at the whole playful situation.

I would be lying if the altercation didn’t fluster me even in the slightest.

| - 🍂 - |

7:45 PM

As the time of the deadline for everyone to finally arrive, me and Chris are waiting by sitting on the couch a bit too close, my head laying down on his shoulder and a simple hand wrapped around my waist and pulling me closer to him.

The whole time I'm trying to hide the slight pink hue growing on my cheeks, its not the first time we sit in such position that could be taken as an intimate one.

My friends often tease me and say to just confess to him like its thats easy. I dont want to ruin our friendship as it could be the last type of friendship we get like this.

While we wait for the others to arrive, the doorbell finally rings indicating they have just arrived, I shoot up onto my feet and to the front door.

Chris follows behind as I open the door, on the other side there’s two girls, my best friend Kayla and Natalie, one guy whos Chris's standing with bags in hand, all being my friends.

I greet them and quickly let them inside, leading them upstairs into the guests bedroom where we’ll be all sleeping since there’s more room there for all of us.

They all put their bags away and we start the fun part of the sleepover...

| - 🍂 - |

10:54 PM

After a little adventure around the night town only illuminated by old street lamps and a snack trip to the store for a small horror marathon we finally got back to my house.

I place the bag of snacks on the coffee table in the living room as all of us gathered inside of the room to start the horror marathon.

All of us take a seat on the couch, the guys sit on one side of the couch and the girls in the other. Me and Chris are in the middle separating the gender groups created.

Grabbing the remote I open the first streaming service I land on, which landed on classic Netflix.

I begin to scroll through the ‘horror’ section, everyone talking among themselves and suggesting what we should watch first before we finally decide on ‘Fear Street’ which is a horror series with 3 movies.

We get comfortable in our spots and I play the movie, some grab snacks and some grab drinks and then the movie starts…

| - 🍂 - |

• After a Horror Movie Marathon

1:31 AM

After watching a god knows how much hours worth of horror movies everyone was finally starting to feel sleepy except for me and Chris for some reason.

“I’m tired…” Kayla yawns, making sluggish moves to get up from her spot on the couch. Everyone else agrees they’re also feeling tired and suggest we should already go to bed.

“Yeah we should go to bed already” Natalie suggests, slowly starting to get up as well to head to our designated sleeping place.

We all follow suite but when I try to get up, Chris decides it would be a funny idea to randomly throw we over his shoulder and carry me to our sleeping place.

I let out a quiet yelp as he throws me over his shoulder, his little giggles echoing through the room as the group looks at us a bit surprised but used to us acting like this with each other.

Trying to protest for him to put me down, sending small hits to his back as he continues to carry me and walk up the stairs with the group until we make it to the room.

He finally puts me down and I shoot him a playful glare which only fuels the stupid grin on his face, we enter the room after everyone and close the door behind us.

We make sure to not step on anyone before both of us got to our sleeping spot for the night and lay down, pulling the duvet over my body as the warmth of it surrounds my body but even with the warm feeling, I find myself not quite being able to fall asleep.

I pretend to sleep, closing my eyes to trick my brain into making me fall asleep but I just lay there conscious with my eyes closed and little did I know that Chris was having the same problem…

| - 🍂 - |

• Two Hours Later

3:09 AM

After a few hours I’m still laying there and staring at the ceiling while everyone’s shallow breathing fills the rooms air and hits my ears in a smooth melody.

A sudden quiet whisper and slight nudge on the shoulder taps me out of my small trance and I look towards the source of the noise.

“Hey, you awake?” I feel Chris’s warm breath hit my cold skin and send a small shiver running down my spine as he speaks.

“No, what’s up?” Answering his question I sit up on my bed and make some room for him to sit down as well so he doesn’t have to keep kneeling down on the hard wooden floor.

“I can’t quite fall asleep for some reason.” He confesses, taking the seat infront of me on the bed. It making a small indent and elevating my own seating from his weight overpowering mine.

“Me neither.” I agree, looking around the room I glance over at the window where the source of the moonlight that’s illuminating the room is coming from.

Noticing the especially starry night sky tonight I remember I was reading an article about that there was supposed to be a starry night.

I suddenly get an idea, since we can’t sleep and I wanted to go star gazing tonight anyway and might as well drag Chris along with me.

“It’s a pretty starry night tonight” I state the obvious before looking back at him and adding, “Wanna go star gazing?”

He glanced between me and the night sky and chuckles quietly then nods his head in agreement. “Yeah, sure”

A soft smile spreads across my face as he agrees and the thought of sitting on a hill with a perfect view of the starry night sky just enters my mind as I imagine the scenery.

We quietly get up from my bed and I grab a blanket on the way out of the room, slowly closing the door behind us than make our way towards the front door to sneak out of the dark house.

On our way down the stairs, Chris suddenly almost trips over something in the dark. Silently cursing under his breath as he out of reflex grabs the my arm and the railing, holding on for dear life to not face plant down the stairs.

I’m trying my hardest to not burst out laughing at his terrified expression at almost falling to his death and making a lot of noise when we’re supposed to be quiet.

Quickly making our way to the front door and almost exiting in a hurry to not wake the others up, I start to lead him to the spot I was thinking of that will have the best view of the sky.

“You gotta place in mind already, princess?” He finally asks in a hushed voice, leaning his head down to make me hear him better. The little nickname he always calls me whenever he wants to gauge a reaction out of me.

“You don’t remember? We used to always go there as kids!” I remind him also in a hushed voice as we walk under the beautiful night sky up a medium hill.

Seeing how his eyes widen in realization as the childhood memories flood both of our minds at once, a small smile growing on my face at the cute moments we’ve had there together.

“Ohh, yeah now I remember” He realizes, scratching the back of his neck in slight embarrassment for not remembering to which I give him a reassuring pat on the back.

We start to go down memory lane of all of the special moments we’ve shared over the past years of our constantly blooming friendship, knowing we’ll never be dumb little kids together anymore just makes my heart ache as I would love to go back in time and relive all of those memories.

Some memories brought laughter, sadness or embarrassment. When we finally made it onto the top of the hill, we were immediately met with an a amazing view of the starry night sky.

My lips fall in an inaudible gasp at how beautiful the scenery is, I look over at Chris and he’s in the same state of awe as I am.

The way the moonlight illuminates his facial features and his long brown strands ghosting over his forehead and slightly above his eyes makes my head go into a slight spiral.

Shaking my head and looking away from him to not cause a too much of a blush on my face than the slight staring has already caused.

A sudden idea comes to my mind, it’s the perfect time and place to confess my longing love for him. It may sound like a typical love story but who knows, he could still say no.

With that thought in my overthinking mind, I start to doubt my idea and bash it. It’s the right place but might not be the right time.

He notices me being lost in thought, my eyes darting over all of the stars on the sky as if I was tracing every possible pattern with them.

His face suddenly is placed infront of my vision, snapping me from the small world my mind had put me in and back to reality.

“Hey, you good?” He asks with concern lacing his tone, a shade of worry shading his features in the moonlight as his brows furrow.

I shake my head, a small embarrassed chuckle escaping past my lips to try and laugh off the situation to make it seem I’m fine. “Yeah I’m fine, just zoned out for a minute”

Him not fully believing me but just brushes off the worry for now, he casually drapes a hand over my shoulder in an almost comforting matter.

Leaning my head on his shoulder we start to walk around the hill to find our spot, soon enough we succeed at our search and lay our backs down on the grass.

We watch the stars, pointing out the constellations we notice the starts aligning to create. It was truly a beautiful sight to witness.

As we observe the starts, I try to get the courage to ask him the question I’ve been dreading to ask him for far too long now that I can’t keep it bottled inside anymore.

I sit up so suddenly a feeling of dizziness washes over me, he follows behind me and the same look of worry comes back to cast a shadow over his features.

“Are you sure you’re fine? Why did you sit up so suddenly?” He questions with concern now thick in his tone, raising an eyebrow at my current actions.

Taking a deep breath before the word vomit begins without my permission and I can’t get it to stop no matter how hard my brain screams at me to stop.

“I can’t keep this hidden anymore, sorry in advance but…” I pause for a second, contemplating my decision before my mouth grows a mind of its own and decides for me.

“I’m in love with you. And I-I am for years now but I was always scared to admit it because of all of the girlfriends you’ve had that were way prettier than I could ever be, I’m so sorry for keeping this from you when we promised to not keep secrets from each other and tell each other everything that’s on our mind…”

After my small ramble I grow out of breath and my breathing grows slightly heavy, looking up at him I see his expression is unreadable so my apologetic instinct switches on.

“I’m really sorry, I know you probably don’t feel the same way and might hate me after this. I’m sorry if this could ruin our friendship in any way and I don’t want it to, I’m so fucking so-“

My words suddenly get cut off by Chris grabbing ahold of my jaw and smashing his lips on mine, instantly shutting my moving mouth up.

I’m at a loss of all words that I wanted to speak in that moment, my mind becomes blurry as I melt completely into the kiss and slowly start to kiss him back.

The kiss feels magical, like taken out of a fairytale. Finally finding my Prince Charming or sharing a kiss that’ll save me and erase all of the problems I’ve ever encountered in my life.

When we finally pull away from each other, I look at him in complete shock but a hint of relief in my features is only visible if you look for it hard enough.

“Why did you do that?” I question, feeling confused by his actions since I was sure I would get rejected by him but am so glad I didn’t.

“To stop you from rambling all night long” He confesses the reason behind the unexpected kiss, a smile growing on his face as a reaction to my confused expression.

“I thought you would get weirded out and reject me.” I as well confess to the reason I’m so confused right now, the relief slowly becoming more noticeable on my face.

“It doesn’t matter now what I could have done, so don’t worry about that now” He answers, the smile growing on his face. His hand reaches and lands on my cheek, caressing it with his thumb in an almost loving way that makes a smile of my own form on my lips.

“You’re way to calm about this right now, it’s concerning” I slip out with a hint of joking in my voice to lighten the tense air surrounding us, we share a laugh together before his lips land on mine again. Both of us smilling into the kiss as we fall back onto the ground and share another passionate kiss under the starry night, almost like a starry kiss…

@hearts4wertka

authors note: i’m so sorry that writing and posting fics has taken me a bit longer than expected but I don’t really have motivation or the drive to write so my head has been a bit empty lately, anyway thank you guys so much for the feedback on any of my fics I seriously really appreciate it and I love every single one of you! 💋

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[wosoragebaiter69]

but i didn't did pour the whiskey

barça femeni x reader

overview: they said getting over addiction wasn't easy, what about when no one knows? what about when relapse happens after a whole year?

A/N: my requests are sitting... but I can't get to them and im really sorry, ive been so busy atm and dont got much modivation for em'

TW: alcohol addiction, self-hatred, relapse, course language, actual detail instead of me brushing over it

!! viewer discretion is advised, i suggest only mature audiences read this !!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In all honesty, you'd seen the signs. You'd known the inevitable was coming. The feelings of urge that you'd felt a year ago when trying to stop. You had stopped though, so you ignored it. Then it became more real. To the blank stares at the crates in the stores, rather than the hatred you harboured before after finally being ‘better’.

To walking and judging if you should buy it or not.

To blinking tears out of your eyes, wondering why you'd think that in the first place.

Because why would you, you were better now. Right? That's what you'd told yourself anyways.

It kept amplifying over the course of a week. Until you couldn't take it, until everything you'd worked so hard for for the past year came crashing down. All those memories of countless nights pacing, crying, yelling over a stupid fucking substance fade away.

Guilt. That's all there is. Guilt.

Guilt for betraying your past self who had cried for hours, who felt like she was going psycho over not having a single drink.

But, you can't find it in yourself to stop drinking it. It's just one beer, how harmful could it be? Said by the words of a true fucking alcoholic.

So, you do the only thing you can think of and cry. Cry until your face is numb, your throat burning with every breath, cry until your lungs can't take in any oxygen anymore.

Cry until you feel like you've felt something.

Then when you did stop crying what did you do? The only option you thought you had. Drink more.

- - - - -

You knew you looked like shit, you felt like it too. Your face puffy from the numerous breakdowns the night before, your eyes red from the tears that had an endless flow, dark rings under your eyes from the restless 3 hour sleep you'd got.

Also not to mention the headache you'd acquired. Knowing that only last year if you'd drunk this much, you'd only start to feel something. That's not something to be proud of.

You try your hardest to make yourself look even the slightest bit presentable, getting rid of the puffy face with a shower and taking paracetamol to take away the ache in your skull.

This would do enough to convince them you were fine, it's not like you were the loudest or most obnoxious person on the team. Preferring to observe everything with a smile.

What you didn't consider? Your captains. You're only 22 so even if you're techincally an adult, they're still over 7 years older than you.

So you walk into the lockeroom for training, silently making your way to your cubby as usual. Until, you feel a tug on your sleeve. Alexia is standing there, worry etched into her features.

"You ok? It looks like you've barely slept." Her voice is low and quiet, something you were eternally grateful for.

"Yeah, just a rough night. Thanks capi." You don't lie, but you don't tell the full truth either. She can sense this but doesn't say anymore, allowing you to go back to getting ready.

You take the time to rethink of the previous night, the regret you'd felt immediately after taking the first sip. But, the feeling of being unable to stop.

No matter how much you'd told yourself it was nothing, you know this isn't the end.

You push the thoughts away, clearing your mind of any thoughts before walking out onto the field ready for training.

- - - - -

It was the same people you saw watching you; Alexia, Marta and Mapi. It wasn't every second but enough to showcase they knew something was wrong but just didn't know what.

You had joined in the summer from your old club in Italy. No one knew of the past you'd had with alcohol. It's not like you made an effort to tell them either, they respected your choices not to drink when going out and you didn't need to bring up topics that were from before even moving to Barcelona.

Maybe if they knew, you'd have someone to confide it.

Somehow you'd managed to hide it from your old team as well, but considering the close relationships that Barcelona had with each other you doubted it would be shrugged off as easily.

When training was finally over, you were quick to slip away. As the thoughts and need of what caused you in this melancholic state start to reappear in your mind.

Not now, why after so long did you have to collapse now? When the peak of your career could potentially be around the corner.

You want to survive like a normal person, you want to be able to do things without relying on a fucked up liquid. Why did it have to be you?

And why?

Why is the only thing you can think of to soothe these thoughts, alcohol?

- - - - -

You stare blankly at the open carton, hesitation as you ponder if you should give in or not. Should you drink it? Part of your mind says yes, part of you yearns for it. The rational side says no, and to stop before it's too late.

But wasn't it already?

So you give in. The burning down your throat a painfully familar comfortality.

In a depressing way it makes you more aware of your surroundings, the beer bottles scattered in the room. Liquid all over the floor and on your things. It bothers you, but you can't bring yourself to clean it.

So you sulk, going over past memories. You'd never considered yourself a sad drunk, always being happier and finding a way to goof about while drinking. Then, very rarely toward the end of recovery getting angry. Never sad though.

Times change, people change. You thought you'd changed, but that kind of addiction? It never seemed to leave. Waiting until you're vulnerable to attack. Like an incurable disease.

Before you really comprehend it, the whole box of beers you'd bought yesterday are empty and strown across the floor.

You reach a point of feeling nothing, a numbing feeling brought by guilt, the alcohol making everything seem hazy. Your phone is ringing, but you can't bring yourself to answer. You can't bring yourself to care.

- - - - -

Knocking at your door brings you out of the limboed state you're in. You figure they'll leave soon, and the knocking stops after a minute. Until the door opens revealing the three who had been watching you in the morning.

Alexia is the first to you, the others take in the state of your apartment and walk around elsewhere.

"Hey." It's all she says, but enough for tears to fall from your eyes. You can't bare to look at her face, so you keep your eyes glued to the floor.

"Come on, look at me." She uses her hands to guide your chin so you're looking straight at her.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." She pauses, "Let's sober you up first." You don't argue, and follow her orders. Exhausted, you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.

- - - - -

Waking up was easier than you'd thought it would be, your head not pounding as much as in the morning. It made sense though considering you'd drank less than the night before. There were pills on the side table with a glass of water which you take easily.

The sun is setting so you must have slept for a couple of hours by this point. When you walk into the living room you notice all the rubbish gone, the floors are clean and there's no reminisince of beer anywhere. Alexia, Marta and Mapi are talking quietly amongst themselves and look up once they realise you're awake.

"Come, sit." Mapi pats next to her. You nod silently walking over.

"Would you mind explaining to us what happened? I know you’ve said before don't drink, so this is very new. If you don't want to talk that's also fine but I don't want to see you hurt." Alexia says, she doesn't pry but she does make her point known.

"Ok, but please can you do no talking while I explain? I'm not sure how much I can take if I don't explain it all in one." You're not sure why you opened up so easily, maybe because you desperately craved for someone. Anyone.

"Last year, I was an alcoholic and I can't tell you really when it started. It was to take all the weight and pressure off my shoulders originally, but it turned worse. I just kept drinking regularly and when I tried to settledown, I realised I couldn't. So I didn't stop. It worked for me."

"Then as the season moved on I realised I did desperately need to do something about it but I was just so scared of what people would say to me. How would they react?"

“So instead of getting proper help I did it myself.”

"I got rid of all traces, didn't go out as much. It was horrible. I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't ok at all. I'd obviously relapsed a couple times when trying by myself to recover but it gave me more determination. I'd say it took like 3 months before I truly felt like I was clean."

"Then, I'd had the oppurtunity to play here and it's like everything went away. I should've known better." You sigh.

"Known what? Did you know you were going to relapse again?" Marta asks carefully.

"I saw the signs but ignored them, when I did give in... all I felt was regret, I still do. I think that's why I drank the rest if I'm going to be honest." You look away, not daring to look at any of them.

A pair of arms engulf you, large hands pushing your head to the persons chest.

"Listen to me, we can help you. You won't ever have to do this alone, not while I'm here ok? I don't know much about this, but I'll try. We all will." You start sobbing into her chest, clinging your fists tightly into her shirt. A way to thank them without words.

Because the belief they had in you made you feel like you could do it. Even in these drowning times.

—————————————————————————

i hope you enjoyed fic, this may not be accurate to everyone but this is my experience with battling addiction to alcohol and i write it because i too relapsed after a year recently

this was more for also for awareness and just know that you aren’t alone in anything, if you feel you need someone to talk to i’m always here :)

[morgana-larkin]

Haii okay here’s my angst request! I love a good regretful jealous Mel hehehe. I was thinking you’re both teachers and she likes u but is like “I’m too cool for pining” so she does the extreme opposite and is kinda standoff-ish or blunt w u at school. When you’re alone she’s a little better but still not super lovey dovey. You “take the hint” and move on, and someone new comes into ur life (can you PLEASE for the LOVE OF GOD name this rando new person joy??). And then one day Mel’s like “let’s be official” And you’re like what? Why? I thought u didn’t like me also I have Joy now. And then Mel’s like wtf and she gets rlly jealous when she sees u w her now and then she tries to sabotage y’all’s blooming relationship. In the end maybe no happy ending pls?? If ur comfortable writing that :)

Hehe I LOVE a good heartbreak. Also I’m obsessed w joy Huerta (hence my username) and have been asking everyone to use it in fics AND PPL DONT ALFJKS. lmao anyways. I hope this is sumn ur comfortable writing!

OMG! you’re really testing me here! If I’m honest, it was hard to write. I rewrote it a few times, it hurt a little, might make a part 2. Honestly if even one person requests a part 2 with a happy ending then I will write one. As always, not edited in the slightest, I hope you like it!

On another note: keep sending prompts for one shots! I decided to write one shots about Chessy from parent trap played by our favourite redhead, Lisa Ann Walter, so you can send prompts for her too!

Part 2

Green Isn’t Your Colour

Warnings: (where do I start lol) Jealous Mel, upset Mel, a bit of toxic Mel, angst and no comfort, no happy ending , good luck lol

Words: 3.2k

You walk in through the entrance of Abbott Elementary. You’ve been here for a year already and you’re finally feeling like you’re settling in. You’re a third grade teacher, you helped Melissa out as she wouldn’t have another split class again and that made her happy from the day you got there and hearing the news.

You walk into the break room, hot chocolate in hand, you don’t like coffee that much, but nothing could beat a good hot chocolate. You go and sit on an empty table, taking some tests out and start marking them. Melissa looks over at you from her table. She looks at the way you’re flawlessly marking, glasses on and concentrating on what you’re doing.

You glance up as you feel like you’re being watched and see Melissa looking at you, but then she quickly looks away when you notice and you smile. You liked her since you first set eyes on her and it only grew from there. But lately it seems like she’s off and you’re unsure why. She was nice to you when you started but now it’s like she’s the opposite and you don’t know why. You asked everyone else if they could answer why she’s different but no one noticed the change.

You got up and picked up the tests and decided to just carry them to your classroom. You passed by Melissa on the way out. “See you later Melissa.” You told her with a smile. She just nodded her head at you and went back to her phone. You looked at Barb and she just shrugged, not noticing a difference.

During your second period prep you finished marking the tests with a breath of relief. Just then Melissa knocks on your door and you look at her and smile. “Hey Melissa.” You tell her and she just has a neutral face and you drop your smile.

“I found the book you were asking for. The little eagles liked it last year and I’m sure they’ll like it again.” She said and handed you the book.

“Oh perfect, thank you.” You told her and smiled at the book. Melissa looked at you and couldn’t help the small smile forming at your excitement of the book. And you looked up at her to see the small smile on her face. “Hey Melissa, can I ask you something?” You asked and she looked at you confused.

“You can but it doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” Melissa said.

“Um ok. Well I was just wondering why you’re acting differently around me?” You ask and she looks at you with a neutral face again.

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“Well you were nice to me last year but now you’re acting distant and I don’t know why.” You asked her. “Did I do something wrong?” You added and that took her by surprise. She doesn’t want you to think you did anything wrong because you didn’t. Melissa has a crush on you and she doesn’t want to show it or let anyone know, and her acting nicely to you last year definitely raised suspicions, so she went back to how she acts with everyone else.

“You didn’t do anything kid. This is just how I am with people.” She said.

“You’re not like that with Barb.” You said.

“Barb is my best friend, so of course I’m nice to her.”

“What about Janine? Jacob? Gregory? Or when Ava at times? You’re nice to them.” You told her, getting a little frustrated.

“That’s because they’re my friends.” She said and you were taken back by that and it definitely stung. Melissa looks at your expression and knew she shouldn’t have said that. She does think of you as a friend but it just slipped out.

“Oh ok, well glad to know where we stand then, just co workers. Thank you for the book Ms. Schemmenti, I’ll return it tomorrow.” You tell her and go back to your desk. “If that was all then if you don’t mind, I have a lesson plan to do.” You told her and she nodded her head.

“See ya around kid.” She said and left. She knew she fucked up there. She’ll have to start being a bit nicer to you to get back in your good graces.

Back in your classroom you took a big breath. You thought you and Melissa were friends but I guess you were wrong. No wonder she’s always short and blunt with you.

The next day you were at the coffee shop, receiving your hot chocolate like always, turning around to leave and bumped into someone, spilling your hot chocolate all over them and a bit on yourself.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I just wanted to talk to you and didn’t expect you to turn around.” The person said.

“Oh well I feel like I should be apologising, my hot chocolate mostly went on you. Wait, you wanted to talk to me? Why?”

“Because I see you in here everyday and I think you’re pretty.” She said with a blush and you blushed at her compliment.

“Oh uh th-thank you.” You stuttered a bit, not used to compliments.

“Can I buy you another hot chocolate? As an apology?” She said and you looked at her.

“Oh you don’t have too.”

“I want to though. Please, I insist.” She said and you smiled at her. She bought you another hot chocolate and handed it to you with a smile. “And there we go.” She said.

“Thank you.” You told her and saw the time. “Oh I gotta get to work.” You told her.

“Oh that’s alright I understand. I’ll see you again tomorrow?” She asked.

“Ya, I come here, same time every day.” You said with a smile and began to leave but turned around to her. “I never got your name btw.”

“It’s Joy.” She told you.

“I’m y/n.” You tell her and she smiles.

“You have a lovely name, it suits you.” She tells you. You blush and leave the coffee shop. You get to the school and immediately go to your classroom instead of the break room. You put your stuff done and see the book that Melissa gave you yesterday sitting on your desk. You might as well return it now, you got a few minutes before the students get here. You picked up the book and walked to the classroom next to yours and knocked on the open door. Melissa was stapling something and looked up at you and gave you a little smile.

Your heart fluttered a little at the smile and you remembered what she said yesterday. “Hi Ms Schemmenti, I came to return the book.” You told her, and held the book up.

She looked at you and remembered what happened yesterday and sighed. “Thanks y/n” she said and got up and walked over to you to take the book. “Did the little eagles like it?” She asked.

“Ya they did.” You said confused at her using your actual name

“I knew they would. You can borrow it whenever you want.” She told you and you offered her a small smile and nodded your head.

“Thanks Ms Schemmenti, I’ll keep that in mind.” You told her and left. She stared at you as you walked back to your own classroom and did a huge sigh and leaned back against her door.

A month goes by and you run into Joy everyday at the coffee shop. She took it upon herself to order you a hot chocolate and have it ready by the time you get there. You kept offering her the money for it but she always refuses, saying your company was payment enough. You exchanged numbers after a couple days and started texting for hours on end. By the second week she asked you out on a date and you said yes. By the third week she asked you to be her girlfriend to which you agreed excitedly.

At school, you noticed that Melissa has been a bit friendlier with you. You took her sudden change with caution though, you don’t want to get hurt again.

For Melissa, she wants to ask you out but she keeps getting scared. But after a month of being friendly with you, she decides to bite the bullet and just do it. She went to go see you at your classroom after the students left on Monday.

“Hey y/n, can I ask you something?” She asked you as she stepped in your classroom.

“Sure Melissa, what’s up?” You said and she smiled. You’ve been calling her by her first name again for about a week, and after you calling her Ms Schemmenti for 3 weeks, well she still smiles when you call her Melissa now.

“I wanted to ask you on a date.” She says and you look at her and freeze.

“What?” You ask, confused as hell.

“I wanted to officially ask you on a date.” She says and you look at her confused.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“I thought you didn’t like me.” You tell her and she looks a bit guilty.

“I never not liked you, when I realised I liked you near the end of the last year, I didn’t want to give away my feelings so I started acting distant towards you.” She says and looks down for a second then back up at you. “So will you go on a date with me?” She asks again.

“No.” You told her and she looked upset. “I did like you but I have a girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? I thought you were single.” She says confused and still hurt.

“I was, until 2 weeks ago, her name is Joy.” You said with a smile. And Melissa looks at you with a bit of fire in her eyes. “If she’s real then I would like to meet her.” She tells you, crossing her arms,

“Oh ok, ya sure. I can ask if she can come meet everyone tomorrow morning if you want.” You tell her.

“Ok, I look forward to meeting her then.” Melissa says and leaves disappointed.

You asked Joy if she wanted to meet your coworkers tomorrow morning and she excitedly agreed immediately.

So the next morning, you meet Joy at the coffee shop as usual and she hands you your hot chocolate then you drive over to the school and walk in with her. You head to the break room with her and enter and all eyes look up at you and her.

“Everyone, I would like you to meet Joy, my girlfriend. Joy, this is Janine, Jacob, Gregory, Barb, Ava.” You said, pointing to everyone as you said their name. “And this is Melissa, the one who asked to meet you.”

“Hi everyone! And hi Melissa, I’m very much real as you can see.” Joy says and Melissa doesn’t look happy, she crosses her arms and the fire in her eyes come back. She thought you were lying and would have to keep being nicer to you before you agree to go on a date with her. Barb notices Melissa getting angry and puts a hand on her arm and that startles her and then just sits there, staring at you. She sees you being all happy as Jacob and Janine got up to come say hi to your girlfriend.

She wanted to be that person, be your girlfriend and she blew it. But then remembered that you said yesterday that you did have feelings for her, so maybe you still do. Then she smiles at that thought and thinks of different ways to play it. Joy would have to go of course, she ain’t gonna put a hit on her but instead she’ll try to sabotage it, and to do that, she’ll have to be nice first and get information.

So she gets up and goes over to you two. “Hi, nice to meet you. Ya I didn’t think you were real when y/n here as been single since I’ve known her.” She says to your girlfriend then proceeds to put an arm around your back as she mentions you being single and your eyes widen a bit.

“Oh that’s alright, it was a shock to y/n too when I asked her.” Joy says, and Melissa thinks it’s a shame she’ll have to sabotage it as she seems nice. But this person is getting in the way of her happiness so she gots to go.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you two meet?” Melissa asks.

“Oh we met at the coffee shop down the street, the one you told me about and I get a hot chocolate there every morning. And then I bumped into Joy about a month ago, like physically bumped into her and spilled my drink all over her.” You say with a chuckle.

“Ya she did but it was my fault, I saw her there every morning and after a couple weeks I decided to go talk to her and didn’t expect her to turn around at that very moment. So I offered to get her a replacement one and then we started talking.” Joy said with a smile.

And you noticed how Melissa’s hand got a bit lower on your back and you subtly get out of her grip and say an excuse. “Joy, do you want to go see my classroom?” You ask her and she immediately said yes. Joy waves bye to everyone and they all tell her it was nice to meet her and hope to see her again. And Melissa thinks that if it goes according to plan then she won’t be back to see them again.

At the end of the day, Melissa visits your classroom. “Hey y/n.” She says as you’re packing your things up.

“Oh hey Melissa. What’s up?” You ask her and sling your bag over your shoulders.

“Well I was wondering if I could go with you to the coffee shop tomorrow? I haven’t been there in awhile and wouldn’t mind a good store bought coffee once in awhile instead of one from the break room.” She says and you look at her confused.

“Oh I always meet Joy at the coffee shop in the morning.” You say and Melissa smiles, she knew it.

“Well that’s alright, maybe I could get to know her better then.” She says and you agree and tell her the time that you meet up with Joy.

The next morning, Melissa gets to the coffee shop first and orders a coffee for her and a hot chocolate for you. You and Joy come in a couple minutes later and see Melissa near a table with 2 drinks. “Hey Melissa.” You say and she looks over at you and smiles.

“Hey y/n and Joy. Here y/n, I got you a hot chocolate.” She says and sees the frown on Joy’s face before smiling again. Melissa smiles at that, she knew that Joy was still getting you a hot chocolate every morning. You said it yesterday to Janine and Jacob. “I would have gotten something for you but I forgot to ask y/n here what you like.” Melissa says and puts a hand on your shoulder.

Joy looks at the interaction and gives a confused look. “That’s alright, I’ll just go get a drink for myself. I’ll be right back.” She says and you and Melissa nod.

You look at Melissa a little confused. “Why are you being so much nicer all of a sudden?” You say to her and she just shrugs, feigning innocence.

“I don’t know what you mean y/n? I’m just getting to know your little girlfriend over there.” She says and hits you, Melissa is jealous.

“Melissa, are you jealous?” You asked and she scoffs. “I’m being serious, yesterday you asked me out saying you liked me. And now you’re at the coffee shop that I meet Joy at every morning and meeting nicer to me in front of her.”

“I’m just trying to make sure that she’s right for you, is all.” Trying to cover up the fact that you were right.

Before either of you can say anything else, Joy comes back with her drink. “Hey y/n, I would like to stay longer but worked called and asked if I could come in earlier. Like right now earlier. And I wouldn’t mind the extra cash.” She says and you nod.

“That’s alright, I understand, have a good day at work.” You tell her and she gives you a goodbye kiss on the lips and the fire in Melissa’s eyes return.

“Alright thanks for understanding, it was nice seeing you again Melissa.”

“Ya you too.” Melissa says back to her. Melissa didn’t like that kiss, and worse is that the only issue she has with Joy is that she’s with you. Other than that, Joy seems like a nice person, and she hates that fact.

At the end of the day Melissa stops by your classroom again. “Hey y/n.”

“Should I expect this to be a daily occurrence? You stopping by my classroom at the end of the day?” You say with a laugh and she gives a small laugh at that.

“Maybe.” She says and closes your door and walks up to you. You look at her confused for closing the door, but then think she probably wants to talk to you privately. “I don’t like her. Your girlfriend.” She says and you frown.

“Why?”

“I don't know, there’s just something about her that I don’t like.”

“Well you’ve only just met her. If you see her more then you might grow to like her.” You tell her with a smile.

“No I won’t actually.” She says and you’re confused.

“And how do you know you won’t?”

She looks you dead in the eyes and walks closer to you. “Because as long as she’s with you, then I won’t like her.” She says and she got very close to you and you had to walk back and you end up backing into your desk and she puts her hands on the desk on both sides of you, effectively trapping you. You look at her with wide eyes.

“Melissa, I-” and you don’t get to say what you were about to as her lips are on yours. You begin to kiss her back and then push her off. “Melissa what the fuck? You know I’m with Joy.” You tell her and she smirks.

“Then why did you kiss me back? And don’t deny it. I know you did before you pushed me off.” And you look at her speechless since she’s right. Melissa smiles at you and goes to kiss you again but you stop her.

“No Melissa, I’m with Joy now.” You tell her and she frowns.

“You wouldn’t rather be with me?” She asks and you shake your head.

“I’m happy with who I’m with. I’m sorry.” You tell her and walk out of your classroom, leaving behind a hurt Melissa who has a tear rolling down her cheek.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

@imaginesmultifandoms

@idonothingalldays-blog

@sexysapphicshopowner

@dvrkhcld

If you want to be added then let me know!

[yusa-lisaxyuta]

JORDAN LI HOURS OMH

ok guys im sorry i just have some thots i must share about my lord and savior Jordan Li bc oh my GOD

the different genres of Jordan too mmnmsmsnsnhshshsmd

LIKE LIKE LIKE

we have your average roommate!Jordan thats an absolute dick to u bc they want u so bad bro

always pissing u off on purpose with stupidly loud moans, PRAYING it pisses you off enough times after youve had to find refuge in marie or andre's dorms bc wtf

the way theyre so desperate it doesnt make sense anymore i swear

they literally have not even the slightest clue on how to show how much they fucking adore you so they decide to be a dick about it every chance they get because theyre more emotionally fucking constipated than katsuki bakugou himself BUT JORDAN CANT HELP IT!!!! THEY WANT U!!!! JUST U!! ONLY U!!! And they're tight asf when they cant have u!!!! LIKE WHY CANT THEY HAVE U!!!

soon they corner u and confess everything to u while just blindly raging bc they're sick and tired of this shit n at first ur js like "um what" bc you didnt realize at all and thought they hated u

and they say it so condescendingly too??? on some "Stupid fucking freshie, your fuckin' scent is all over my shit. Shit drives me wild, you know what you fuckin do to me? I dont think so. Of fucking course you dont." LIKE AAA???? But in REALITY they're praising EVERYYYYY little thinggggggg. DOWN TO UR SHITTY HANDWRITING WHEN YOU JOT THINGS DOWN?! Fucking perfect to them. But it gets them so mad, they're used to getting what they want. And they dont know how to handle it when they cant-

OH BUT WHEN JORDAN GETS U FINALLY???? OH ITS OVER FOR U POOR THING

you genuinely arent prepared for the type of down bad desperate needy sex you two have your first time together oh my GOD you dont understand

"Mine- fuckin' waited way too long, and fought too hard for this pretty pussy- pussy's mine, heart's mine- shit- can feel the heart in the pussy, mama- fuck-!"

oh no but then we have Mafia!Jordan???? UM HELLO???

(cw/tw: guns used during sex [im sorry something in my head goes wonky with jordan and guns in the same vicinity])

GETTING BENT OVER AND RAILED WITH JORDAN PUTTING A GUN TO UR HEAD???!??! AUUUURRRRR?@?!?!?

no because the dirty talk would be on POINT oh em gee think about it

"Cmon princess- don't fuckin' run. I'll make you regret it- cmon, baby. Take this fuckin' dick- fuckin love this princess cunt."

HELLOOOOOO???? sorry brb i DIED FROM OVULATION

bros makes my ovaries do backflips i swear

AND THE WAY THAT THEY SPOIL YOU?!!?!?! Now see EVERY JORDAN finna apoil tf outta you BUT MAFIA JORDAN OH GOOD GAY GOLLY GUYS. OHHHH GOLLY. The way they're such a fuckin jerk and so cold to everyone else but they make sure you ALWAYS feel like their precious little princess AUUUUGGGHHHH

"I swear, ask me for the price of that shit one more time- just fuckin' get it. Ok? Last fuckin' time i say it. Now let's go, you said you wanted to stop at Prada, right?"

this person would watch you take hours to pick out cute outfits, blow a couple racks on that shit, and watch you skip to the next store happily knowing DAMN well they have every intention to ruin that outfit.....also with the intention of buying you a better one, of course.

BACK TO THE GUNS IM SORRY BUT HEAR ME OUT- someone getting too close to u for their liking and touching you with the cold metal as punishment <3333 i mean they know you only have eyes for them but where's the fun in that, yk?

"Im guessing you like this, huh? Like when others give you attention so i can get like this, baby? If you wanted this you just had to ask... but, 'm mad now.. 'n you're gonna take everything i give you."

gahshshgshagdhsg sorry guys the demons took over im still waiting for s2 of genv 🙏 pls i need more jordan 🙏 🙏 🙏

[zeltqz]

𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐃] SEVEN

pairing. ex!ran x fem!reader

word count. 9.6k

series synopsis. bonten is forming and in the midst of it all, you find yourself caught in the sticky webs of your ex boyfriend and current bonten executive, haitani ran.

content. buckle up guys, there's a LOT. detailed drug descriptions gun play; shion puts a gun to rans head, TW FOR DRUGS!!!! reader does drugs, sanzu injects drugs like a lunatic, mentioned whorehouse, gambling, sanzu and mochi talk badly about women so tw objectification.

a/n: really decided to amp up the plot in this hope you guys enjoy forreal. some shion backstory + dona too and at the end there's a special cameo at the end HEHEHEHEHEE. oh and please pls pls read the content warning above before reading, ik some ppl arent comfortable with drug mentions or guns in stories so i dont want to make anyone uncomforable ://

Shion’s eyes kept darting towards the clock by his bedside table every five seconds to see if he was reading the time correctly or not.

 It’s almost midnight and you disappeared almost seven hours ago with his car, shrugging on your jacket and thanking him with a kiss on the cheek—not even the lips—for letting you borrow his car. 

He wanted to ask where you were going but briskly bit down on his tongue, choosing on trusting you instead. 

In all honesty he had no clue where you were going, and he doesn’t mean this to sound offensive in the slightest but you don’t have friends to run to, so the curiosity in him peaked. 

He didn’t want to appear as controlling and wanting to know your every single move, an attribute he knows fully well you hate in a partner.

 From years of knowing you, from growing up together to your teenage years, he’s seen the boys you dated and how they were clingy and wanted you all to themselves. He’s seen them slowly break any resilience you have and left you broken and crying. 

It’s a pretty sadistic thing to admit that he liked seeing you stumble over to his house, eyes thick with tears and crying on his shoulder, nodding through quiet whimpers and mumbles as he told you that he’d always be there for you. It’s something that’d been programmed into you since you first got your heart broken at fourteen, the mindset having grown with you even through adulthood.

Shion first found out he loved you when you both were thirteen and when he got arrested and sent to juvie, you were the only one in his life that cared enough to visit him and send him letters every other week. 

His mother gave up on him after he broke each one of her warnings. He could still remember her telling him firmly if he continues down this violent path and gets himself caught, he shouldn’t dare coming back home. 

Maybe he went a little too far when he was caught smuggling cocaine under his jacket by a police officer and got himself locked up in juvie. 

But if you were to ask him if he regretted it, he’d tell you fuck no. 

Those times in juvie were the best part of his life; he met Izana, a legend in his eyes, even in death he still honours and respects him. He also met his ex best friends and former gang mates, most of them now known as Bonten. 

He met Ran, someone who Shion found himself jealous of for how strong he was, how charismatic he was, how much of a smooth talker he was. 

It’s like Ran was built for this lifestyle whilst Shion had to nudge his way in through the tiny doors. He used to stutter when confronted and had to learn to smooth talk his way out of situations. 

At only thirteen, Ran was able to not only talk himself out of any situation, but do it efficiently enough without ease and not even sweating one bit. 

He loved Ran as a friend, but as a person? He was jealous. Everything that he wanted to be, Ran was. 

Shion had to teach himself how to fight and would lose most of the time and make a fool of himself. Whilst Ran would look so bored and uninterested, barely putting in the effort and still would come out on top. 

There was an incident when a fight broke out in juvie, everyone was jumping each other just because of the sake of it. Izana was the strongest, taking out over twenty boys his age, Ran was next, finding creative ways to beat them up with objects like kicking a chair till a leg fell off, then whacking them with the object until it was recoloured with their blood. 

“You can’t do that! That’s cheating!” Shion had to direct his voice up at the taller boy. 

Ran, standing at 5’10 at the age of thirteen, looked down at Shion. The first thing Ran noticed was how his fists were bloody, then he slowly trailed his eyes upwards to his face where the real brunt of the damage was. His eye was black, nose soaked with his own blood and lip on the verge of swollen. 

“Cheating?” Ran questioned, looking down at his hand. “You mean this?”

“Yeah! You can’t use weapons. That’s cheating.”

Ran cocked his head to the side. “Says who?”

Shion had to think for a moment. “...the rules?” 

“The rules of what? Who made those rules up?” 

“Delinquents! Obviously! It’s just common sense!” Shion felt like his mind was boggled. He thought back to all the delinquent manga stacked up in his room, how he aspired to be like them and saw them beating people with their bare fists. 

“What do you know about delinquents?” Ran asked back, shifting his weight onto his foot. He placed his hand on his hip, the bloody chair leg swinging backwards, almost stomaching a poor boy walking past.

Shion took a mental note of his calm, placid nature and was genuinely confused. Anyone that studied up on delinquent manga would know that you have to always use your fists, be the loudest, rudest person in the room, always looking for a fight. Yet the boy in front of him right now looked like he was on the verge of sleep yet still managed to beat up ten times more guys than Shion could. Shion seemed happy with his two bodies, then looked over and saw Ran with at least eight, underneath some of those laying on the floor groaning in pain were probably a few more bodies. 

“...from manga,” Shion admitted sheepishly, looking down at the floor. Now that he thinks about it, his answer was pretty childish. Ran’s eyebrows rose in a moment of surprise before bursting out into laughter, the sound grating Shion’s ears. “Oh shut up! You think you’re so tough huh?! Fight me without that thing!” He pointed to the chair leg.

Ran finally stopped cackling and dramatically wiped a tear from his eye. He looked down at Shion who was much shorter than him, probably standing around 5’6 and hummed in thought, the sound smooth and sweet yet the chill it sent down Shion’s spine was the total opposite. 

“Okay.” Ran shrugged and tossed the chair leg across the room. It clattered against the wall with a loud crash and Shion snapped his head over to see where it landed. In an instant, Shion was on the floor, tackled underneath Ran as he forced Shion’s hands together, pinning him down. Shion struggled and tried to wriggle out of his grip but it was like iron. No, iron is an understatement. Those strong enough could bend iron. It was like diamond. 

Shion realised how much weaker he was compared to him and almost started crying from sheer frustration and embarrassment. He’d never seen the delinquents in his manga get absolutely violated like this. Ran’s hand rose up, clenched into a fist and flew downwards to Shion’s face. Shion squeezed his eye shut, ready for the brunt of the hit, but it never came.

His arms suddenly felt a whole lot lighter and he slowly opened his eyes, watching Ran stand up and dust himself off. “You’re too weak for me. It’s not gonna be enjoyable.” He stretched those long limbs of his reaching up towards the ceiling and cracked his back with a few more stretches. 

“Wha—” Shion spluttered, shaking his head like a dog to clear his head. “Where’re you going?”

“To shower. I stink.”

“But we didn’t finish! You can’t just leave a fight half way!” he yelled at Ran’s retreating back as he walked out of the cafeteria hall, leaving Shion there alone.

After juvie, the six of them left together and formed a new generation, S-62, doing heinous activities such as drug trafficking and making connections to expand their assets. You, of course, were still waiting for him like you promised. But slowly, the more involved he got, the less and less time he saw you. The two of you didn’t go full ghost on each other, but you were focusing on your own personal life and school, he was focusing on his own thing. 

You met Ran when Shion invited you to one of his parties since he missed you and to this day he regrets ever letting you meet him. Not only did you fall for Ran’s charm, he practically brainwashed you, drew you in with his words, his voice, his everything that Shion lacked. 

Eventually Ran became the shoulder that you went to cry on instead. 

Your relationship with Ran was constantly filled with ups and downs; the ups preceding the downs by a mile. 

Ran made you feel good and you became addicted to that feeling, so much so that without, you felt like nothing. 

Literally nothing.

During your fights it became an unhealthy habit to avoid Dona and Mira whenever they asked you to hang out because you wanted to wallow by yourself in peace. 

You’d lay on your bed, curled up all day, checking your phone and going through your messages with him, sometimes catching him online and fight the urge to send him a text.

Mira and Dona were your best friends and you loved them, but they never gave you that feeling that Ran gave you. 

He was like a drug, and though you’d never done drugs, you felt like an addict. Couldn’t go a day without thinking about him and what he was doing. 

You slowly didn’t like the person you were turning into, the girl that abandoned her friends and family because she was depressed and needed that boost of serotonin that only Ran could provide. 

Perhaps Ran was that male figure you so desperately craved for in life that when he left you just spiralled.

Shion still has no clue on why you were spiralling so badly. You never told him anything, such an unhealthy habit of yours to keep your feelings bottled in, then once the pot overflowed it became too overwhelming and you exploded. 

Maybe when you get back with his car, he’ll ask you about it. 

He glanced at the clock one more time. Still midnight. 

Grabbing his phone, he decided to track his car, see where its at. Technically it’s not creepy or weird to track you. He’s tracking his car. Not you. You just happen to be inside his car. 

Besides, he needs to soothe that niggling feeling inside his mind telling him you probably got lost, kidnapped, or crashed his car and died. 

It stated the car, parked a location of what seemed to be a penthouse, had been parked for the last eight hours. He paused and zoomed into the location, cursing the Google Maps app for showing  the satellite view instead of street view. He has no clue where this house is or who it belongs to. 

Part of him wants to say Ran, but the other part rejects it, not wanting to be faced with that truth just yet. Who else do you know that lives in a penthouse? Could be Dona, he thinks, she lives in a penthouse also. But Dona hates you, and he’s sure you might hate her back. 

Shion saved the address in his mind and dialed Hiro, hoping you gave him a call. 

The first thing he heard when he answered the phone was a low grumble. “What the hell do you want?”

Shion relaxed further into his bed, his hands laced behind his head. “An attitude already huh?” 

Shion could practically picture what peeved facial expression Hiro might’ve been wearing on his face through the exasperated sigh he let out.

“It’s bad enough you put me in this damn hospital. Now you’re not even letting me get some sleep?”

“I already apologised for that. Get over it.”

“You broke my ribs, you piece of shit,” Hiro growled.

Shion yawned. “It’s fixed now isn’t it?”

“Fuck you.”

Shion fought back his eye roll and sat upright. “Have you spoken to your sister lately?”

“No. Why? Did she find out your stupid plan and now you think I told her?”

“No she didn’t find anything out and she won’t. Keep your mouth shut and I won’t break your other ribs. It’s just that she hasn’t come home yet; it’s been 8 hours.” Shion peered over towards the clock, the number moving from 00:59 to 01:00. “Never mind, 9 hours now.”

“I swear to God if something happened to my sister and its your fault Shion I’ll—”

“Guess you don’t know anything then,” Shion sighed. “This was a waste of time. G’night.”

“Wait! If you find her tell her to call m—”

Shion hung up the phone before Hiro could finish his sentence. Hiro looked down at his phone in disbelief. He wasn’t surprised, more irritated instead.  He hoped you were okay but at the same time you had a track record of disappearing for no reason and ending up fine. Maybe this was another one of your episodes.

His phone moved to your contact, looking at your messages, Big Sis offline and decided to text you for himself.

~*~

You couldn’t sleep. 

Tossing and turning in Ran’s big comfy sheets did almost nothing to help. You tried everything in the book to try get your body to shut down and sleep but nothing worked. Your brain hyper active and flipping through the memories of earlier today, the kisses you shared earlier, his lingering scent still wafting around the bedroom, his voice that you missed so much. 

He’s been gone for six hours now and yet your thoughts went back to only him and his wickedly talented mouth.

Your phone buzzed, the room lighting up as Hiro’s name flashed across your screen from the dresser. Slapping uselessly around for the device, you fumbled with it until he held the phone the right way up just in time to see another notification.

2 New Messages: Hiro 

Where are you? 

Do I need to file another missing persons report?

You hesitated, wondering briefly if you should tell the truth. Nah, it’ll cause more harm than good. You pressed your chin into the soft black pillow case as your brain thought of rapidfire excuses that would explain your disappearance.

Sent: HIRO HI! Hows hospital food? Want me to bring you something instead?

Too much. Way too much, you thought but sent the message anyway. You could practically hear the nagging voice of your therapist abroad telling you that deflecting was never the answer and you should confront your issues head on for the healthiest recovery. 

Hiro could read you like an open book, even through text and it was scary. 

Hiro:

Stop deflectingg. Where are you?

Sent: don’t worry im fine. How are your injuries? Rib healing ok?

Hiro: 

You’re with ran arent you?

You paused and stared at the text. For a solid second you were sure your heart actually sank and you hated how perceptive your younger brother could be at times.

Sent: how pathetic do u think i am? Im insulted hiro -_-

Hiro:

Im insulted you think im this stupid

Whatever man as long as youre safe

Hes taking care of you right?

Sent: yes. He is. 

Hiro: kk thats good

Sent: youre really not mad? I feel bad

Hiro: kinda relived ngl. 

Sent: why’s that??

Hiro: nothing dont worry. Dont tell shion though i doubt he wil have the same reaction i did. Stay safe

Sent: ill come see you this weekend i promise. I love you

Hiro: lyt

You sighed in relief once you turned your phone off. Knowing Hiro was happy with your decision felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. Honestly you weren’t expecting this to go so well, fully expecting some type of drama to happen, Hiro yelling at you for seeing Ran after you promised you would stay away from him. 

You lifted the blanket, pulling them over your body and closed your eyes, finally drifting off to sleep.

~*~

The next morning, Mira woke up next to an empty bed as usual. It’d been a regular occurrence by now so she wasn’t phased by it, still there was a little twinge in her heart every morning that she refused to acknowledge. 

She quickly got herself ready for the day and headed downstairs to the kitchen to prepare for the event this evening. She opened up her Macbook and gathered all the recipes. 

An hour into cooking, her doorbell rang. She quickly washed the dried dough on her hands, wiped them dry, then walked over to the door. Dona was there, rubbing her wrists and admiring the outside decór outside the Tachibana residency. 

Mira lived in the suburbs, from the looks of it in a nice neighbourhood. Probably a cliché, Dona thought. 

Dona lived in the city, the busy bustling city where you’re woken up by the loud honking horns rather than peaceful birds. 

Her dream was to get married, have kids and live in a similar area like Mira’s neighbourhood. She’s twenty six now and isn’t even close to accomplishing her dream. 

Step one + two get married was a bust, men were practically afraid of her. She likes having the reputation of being icy cold, after all it was the only way you could be taken seriously in her industry. 

If you were too soft, delicate and emotional you were considered a weak link.

Plus she’s a woman and most men she encounters already don’t take her seriously. 

She has a reputation to uphold, her cold nature spread around like wildfire, plus being close to the executives in Bonten didn’t hurt for a little extra credit to her reputation too. People take her more seriously now, men and women. 

Also being Izana’s cousin also helped with getting connections. His death brought her closer to Mikey, the two of them using each other as a coping mechanism. It was her idea to use Izana’s earring as Bonten’s logo, an idea that resonated deeply with Mikey. 

Dona could never live in a neighbourhood like this as much as he desperately wants to. Her job relies her being out all the time meaning there’s barely any free time for her to sleep in and just relax. This neighbourhood is more like a community, meaning if anything goes down, it’ll be hard to cover anything up with so many eyewitnesses peeking out of their windows.

“Dona! You came!” Mira clamped her arms around Dona’s neck, pulling her in for another hug. “Come come, you can help me prepare for the party!”

Dona was ushered inside, Mira moving past her to lock the front door. The house was modern, a big living room space and Dona envisioned kids running around the place. She briefly remembers how excited Mira was to have kids and get married, settle down with the man of her dreams. The kitchen was just as big as the living room, shiny black marble on the walls and counter tops, plenty of room for them to get everything prepared.

The time was 9 in the morning and the two of them had to get everything prepared before five pm. It was a huge party, loads of baked goods as well as home cooked meals. Mira considered herself a good cook and prided herself in her cooking. Naoto loves it and can’t wait to finish a long day of interrogating and investigating just to come home and enjoy his fiancé’s cooking. 

With an extra helping hand, Mira managed to finish an hour before the party started, giving her time to start preparing everything before Naoto and his co-workers came home. They set the food in the garden in warming trays, put a cooler outside for the alcohol and only fifteen minutes before hte aprty started did they both finally have time to themselves.

Mira flopped onto the couch exhausted, an exaggerated yawn leaving her mouth. “I’m beat. My feet are killing me!” She turns onto her back and kicks off her fluffy slipper boots. 

“You did an amazing job. They’re all gonna love it.” Dona walked over to the unlit fireplace, looking at the picture frames stacked on top. She picked up a photo of Mira and Naoto, his hand resting on the flat of her back as they both smiled into the camera. “Is this Naoto?”

Mira rolled her head to the side to look at the photo in her hands. “Yup! That’s him!”

“How’d you guys meet?”

“My roommate in college was studying criminology. Naoto was in her class so I met him through her. We spent more time together and started dating in…2012? I think. Something like that.” Mira practically had hearts in her eyes as she spoke about him. 

She really was in love.

“I really want to meet him,” Dona said, putting the photo back down. 

Unknown to Mira, Dona actually met Naoto before, but it was one sided. 

Back when Bonten was forming, Naoto had been on their tails, always causing them troubles with his investigations.

 Their warehouses got raided so much because they didn’t have the manpower to fully protect, defend and hide their tracks. Dona and Sanzu were assigned to keep an eye out to see any suspicious activity coming from the Tokyo Police Department (TPD). 

She’d never had an actual conversation with Naoto, only observing him from afar and planting fake evidence to throw his entire investigation in the bin, leaving them to start from scratch.

“I want you to meet him too!” Mira chirped. 

She sat up swiftly when she heard the front gate open. Dona blinked and Mira was gone, already zooming towards the door, opening it and launching herself towards Naoto. 

He stumbled back on impact but held her tight, putting his briefcase down to probably embrace her. He put her back on the ground and gave her a kiss on the lips, the giddiness rolling of Mira in waves as she kissed him back just as eagerly. 

Dona felt a little twitch of jealousy residing in her, wondering if she’ll ever get to experience this kind of love. Being raised in the Kurokawa household, love, care and affection was practically non-existent. 

Since a young age of five she was abandoned by her parents, forced to live with foster parents who tried their best to teach her love and empathy but she was too much of a demon child. 

She was in and out of the foster care system her whole childhood. Her parents were cold, narcissistic and manipulative people who barely cared about each other yet alone their daughter. 

When Dona was ten, she found Izana and the two found out they were cousins. Since then they’ve stuck to each other like glue. 

Izana’s death affected Dona in ways nobody could understand. It took you and Mira almost two years to melt that icy exterior she had built up as a product of her childhood and Izana’s death only brought it up back. She wasn’t herself anymore, truly feeling nothing but loneliness. 

Ran helped her through it, after all they both lost someone they truly cared about. 

Maybe it wasn’t the most appropriate thing to catch feelings for her best friend’s boyfriend but Dona was nothing but selfish, the lack of stability in her life led her to prioritise her own needs and wants in a way to regain a sense of control over her own life. 

Her feelings mattered the most above all. In her mind she started harbouring resentment towards you whenever you’d complain that Ran’s pissed you off again and the two of you are back on break, or when the two of you would get back together after going a whole month of no contact. 

It was fucking annoying seeing you take him for granted. Even now as she looks at Naoto and Mira, she feels resentment rather than joy for her friend finally finding her lifelong partner. 

Kakucho’s recommended therapy to her many times to which she shut that option down almost every time. Kakucho’s been to a couple therapists, liking talking about his feelings to someone now that he doesn’t have Izana around anymore. He knows therapy works and he feels himself becoming a better person and only hopes Dona could put her pride aside and admit she needs to get some help.

“Baby come come I want you to meet my best friend!” Mira dragged him inside, kicking the door closed behind her. “Naoto this is Dona. Dona this is Naoto.”

Naoto extended his hand out, polite and formal and shook Dona’s hand. “Wonderful to meet you.” 

“You too.” Dona smiled awkwardly, retreating her hand away almost instantaneously. 

“I finished cooking! Are your friends on their way?”

Naoto sighed and turned to face his fiancé. “Baby I’m sorry but something came up and they had to go on a mission together. So the party has to be rescheduled.” His heart nearly broke into pieces when he saw the excitement on Mira’s face slowly wash away as she came to the realisation that she wasted a whole day cooking. 

“Really? Aw, okay.” Mira’s shoulders slumped. She looked up at Dona and frowned. “I’m sorry you went through all this for nothing. I wasted your day.”

“No. No it’s fine,” Dona reassured. “I had fun today. Don’t stress.”

“Baby,” Naoto called, getting Mira’s attention. “If you want we can give the food to our neighbours. You know they love your cooking.”

Mira slowly nodded, still disappointed but at least the food won’t go to waste. “Alright, I’ll start packaging them into containers. You two stay here and talk. I want my two favourite people to get to know each other.” Mira said leaving no room for discussion and left the living room. 

Dona swung her arms awkwardly as Naoto took his blazer off and settled on the couch. “So…what do you do?” she asked, trying to make conversation. “I heard something about a promotion?”

Naoto shook his head. “My co-wokers is getting a promotion not me. I’m a detective in the Tokyo Police Department. My promotion was a year ago.”

“Oh! Congratulations. Policing and detective work must be a pretty challenging job huh?”

Naoto nodded. “It has its moments yeah. I meet some assholes on a daily basis but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Dona moved to sit on the armchair next to the couch Naoto is sitting on and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I heard there’s a pretty big case going on in the TPD lately. Something about that criminal group on the news every two business days haha.” Her laugh was nothing but fake, Naoto could sense it but chalked it up to her being an awkward individual. 

Something about Dona seemed off though, he couldn’t quite put a pin on it. Briefly, his eyes searched her body exposed from her clothing to see if there was any tattoos. Bonten members have tattoos to differentiate ranks. All the executives he knows of so far have a tattoo that matched Izana’s necklace on a part of their body, mostly on a recognisable body part.

Manjiro Sano has his on the back of his neck. 

Sanzu Haruchiyo has his on his arm. 

The Haitani Brothers, a more recent breakthrough, have theirs on their throat. 

Those are the only members he knows so far. Dona so far has no visible tattoos and he doesn’t want to be seen as a pervert by asking his fiancé’s best friend if she could take her clothes off for a search. So he drops it.

Dona had a feeling he was onto her with the way he was observing her and praised herself for wearing a long shirt that covers her stomach where her tattoo is. 

“Yes, that’s correct. Bonten has been a priority for the department lately,” Naoto said finally.

“Oh wow. That sounds incredibly dangerous. I hope nobody gets hurt, I know how dangerous they can be. What have they found out?” Naoto looked on guard so she quickly added on, “I’m a huge fan of true crime. Watch it every day at home. It’s really cool.”

Naoto softened a little bit more and exhaled. “I’m sorry Dona but I’m not allowed to go into too much detail about on ongoing investigation. Confidentially and all.”

Dona nodded understandingly. “Of course, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just that it must be so intriguing, the way you police-men deal with these criminals.”

“It can be yes, but its also a lot of  hard work and long hours. I sometimes hate coming home late and entering the house to see Mira asleep. I barely spend time with her.” The constant questioning of Bonten had him feeling uncomfortable so he tested the waters and switched topics back onto Mira. If Dona wasn’t shady, she’d accept the topic had moved on and leave it alone. 

“Poor Mira.” Dona paused for a second and Naoto watched her, observing her. “Do you ever worry about the risks involved? I know Bonten doesn’t play by the rules.”

He knew it. Clearing his throat, he says, “I won’t deny that there are risks but we’re trained for a reason. Our duty is to protect the city and the people.” He stood up from the couch and dusted his clothes. “If you’ll excuse me I have to get changed. It was nice meeting you again.”

“You too!” The second Naoto’s back was turned away from her, her smile fell and she pulled out her phone. Since her evening plans was ruined, she has to find something else to do. She texted Rindou and asked where he is.

~*~

Dona has no idea how she ended up running into you on the street but after exchanging a few words the two of you expressed how you both have nothing to do, you both found yourself wandering the streets together. 

Rindou finally responded to her text, stating he was at Starlight Mirage, one of the hostess clubs owned by Bonten. The idea of Rindou being there with a bunch of pretty girls clinging to him only pissed her off, the horny fuckers but she responded I’ll be there and turned her phone off.

You were sipping on your drink when you saw Dona look up from her phone and begin walking in the other direction. “Wait! Wait hold up!” You jogged to catch up with her, holding her arm to keep her in place. “Where're you going?”

“To a club. Let go.” She shook her arm trying to rid you of it but you held tighter.

“What club? Is it far?”

“A club we own. Now let go,” she said a bit harsher. You let go and kept your hands to your side, mumbling sorry. You made it about two steps when she stopped you with an abrupt call of your name. When you faced her, she had her eyes squeezed shut, lips pressed tight as if mentally preparing herself for what she was doing. “Do you want to come with me?”

You had to scoop your jaw off the floor as wondered why she’s asking you to join her. “What?”

“Don’t make me change my mind,” she said flatly.

“I thought you hated me?”

She shrugged. “You hate me too. What’s the big deal?”

“I don’t hate you Dona. I never did,” you admitted quietly. Dona observed you for a second before sighing.

“You coming or not?” 

You weren’t one to turn down an invitation. You closed the distance and began walking beside her. She had her hands pressed up to her chest as if protecting herself from the chilly breeze. 

“Wait.” You both came to a pause on the busy street and she turned to look at you, eyebrow raised. “You said we’re going to a hostess club right?”

“Yeah? What, you’ve never been?”

You shook your head. “Is this outfit okay?” You gestured to your rather plain outfit, a simple band tee and jeans. Dona pressed her lips tightly and shook her head slowly. 

“Not in the slightest.” She pivoted her head to see if there was an appropriate store to enter and buy you something. “You got money on you?” You reached inside your pocket and pulled out a few bills, a small amount of change barely enough to buy you a meal. She slapped her forehead. “Of course.”

“Hey!”

She ignored you and continued looking around before eyeing a store across the street. It wasn’t something she’d normally go to for dresses, finding the clothes rather cheap looking but desperate times calls for desperate measures. 

The store was playing pop music when you both entered and she told you to pick a dress so she could buy it for you and the both of you could keep on moving.

It’s been fifteen minutes and you still haven’t picked something out yet. You’ve been wandering through the aisles, trying to figure out what to get, what might fit, what might look ugly. Part of you was subconsciously trying to pick something you think Ran might like. Ran likes short clothing mainly, wants to see every inch of your skin exposed, but if he were to choose something long, he’d make sure it had a thigh slit somewhere just so he has access. 

“Oh my god hurry up! You’re taking forever!” Dona exclaimed, checking her phone for the time. 

“I’m sorry! I’m just very picky when it comes to clothes!” You’d been oogling between the short dress and the long dress for the last two minutes. Out of options, you grabbed both of them and showed Dona. “Pick one.”

Dona gave you a ‘seriously?’ look and you nodded eagerly, excited to see which one she chose for you. Rolling her eyes she pointed at the shorter one and you gave the staff the long dress to hang back up and approached the counter. Dona brought out her black card and bought the dress for you. As the receipt was printing, she told you to go and change into it. 

You both exited the shop and made your way towards the club.

~*~

The room was glowing red when you entered. You instantly spotted Rindou seated at the bar with a drink in his hand, exchanging small talk with the bartender as well as another man you never seen before. He had broad shoulders and chest and a goatee. Dona left you behind at the door and walked up to Rindou, surprising him from behind. 

You felt awkward where you stood; none of the men inside the room noticing your presence. Ran was sitting on the couch, his head faced downwards as his attention was absorbed by his phone, engaging in a long text chain with a client. You slowly approached the couch from behind and covered his eyes with your hands, bending low to whisper in his ear, “Guess who?”

His lips curved into a smirk as he instantly recognised your voice despite the soft whisper and tilted his head back to meet your gaze. “Baby, what’re you doing here,” he asked, holding a hand out to guide you around the couch. 

Once you were in front of him, he tugged you to sit down next to him. Your ass hit the plush seat and he lifted your legs to swivel around his lap so you were sitting sideways on the couch.

His hand found itself on your thighs and you clenched them subconsciously at the feeling of his big hand caressing your thigh. 

Mentally, you thanked Dona for picking the short dress just so you can feel more of his touch. 

“I ran into Dona on the street and she was on her way here,” you told him, trying to ignore the way your stomach was doing backflips. He hummed in agreement and you felt the rumble travel through your body. 

Before you could fully get comfortable, a girl walked into the room, readjusting her hoop earrings. “Ran-ran are you ready…?” she coo’d. She was dressed in a lingerie dress with black heels that stopped once she saw you on his lap. “Who the hell are you?”

“I—uh—”

“Not today baby,” Ran said,tilting his head backwards to get a look at her past your body. His hand on your waist squeezed a little tighter when he felt you squirm a little, clearly uncomfortable under her stare.

“But…but you promised last time it was my turn with you,” she said with a pout, her glare not leaving your frame.

You turned to look at Ran who looked apathetic about the situation and the words left your mouth despite how hard you tried to keep them at bay. “You can go if you want to.” 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

Trick question you thought, and you remember your own words from just the other week. No strings attached. It pained you to nod your head slowly, your neck feeling stiff but you powered through it. 

Shifting off his lap, you awkwardly sat on the couch as Ran stood up, dusting his clothes. The girl smiled deviously and latched onto Ran’s arm as the two of them left the room. You pouted and crossed your arms over your chest, feeling petty and bitter about the whole situation. 

“You lonely?” A deep voice comes from behind you. 

Tilting your head back, you see the same guy from before standing behind you. You shrugged, not in the mood for conversation right now. 

He slowly rounded the couch and plopped on the other end, giving you space since he sensed you wanted it. “I’m Mochi by the way. I don’t think we’ve met before.”

You told him your name and went back to pouting. 

“If you want me to leave, say so and I will.”

“No…it’s fine.” You sighed and turned to face him. “Sorry Mochi was it?”

He chuckled. “Forgot my name already?”

“No I’m good with names usually I swear. I’m just…I dunno.” You casted a quick glance over to the door Ran exited from and wondered what exactly they were doing right now. The answer felt obvious to you, what else does a girl wearing lingerie want,  but you were in denial. 

“Distracted? What’s on your mind? Normally when I’m distracted I take something.”

“Take something as in drugs?” You peeked at him. He slowly nodded his head. 

“You’ve never done before?”

“Few times. Not often though.”

“It’s no wonder you look stressed.” He stood from the couch. “Bare with me. I’ll need to grab something from upstairs. Stay here?”

“Okay.” You watched him leave the room and return less than five minutes later with a box in his hands, Sanzu walking in beside him. He had his hands tucked in his pockets, a sardonic smile on his face as he met your eyes. 

“Hey! It’s you!” he called out pointing at you and catching the attention of everyone else in the room. For the first time tonight, Rindou met your eyes and you instantly looked away, unsure how to handle the intensity of his stare. 

Sanzu stood in front of you on the couch and peered down at you. “Mochi said you wanted me to hook you up with something. But I don’t know how Ran would feel about me hooking his bitch up with substances,” he finished, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“First of all,” you stood up from the couch to meet his eye better. “I’m not a bitch. Don’t call me that. And I’m not his bitch. Secondly,  I don’t care how Ran feels. I don’t belong to him, I can do what I want.”

Sanzu paused for a second, his eyebrows rose with shock. “And she bites. You just got even hotter in my book baby.”

You rolled your eyes and sat back down, readjusting your dress on the way. “What drugs do you have?”

Sanzu extended his hand out for you to grab. You took it and he led you towards the table in the back corner of the room, Mochi following behind the two of you. The two men sat down on either side of you, sandwiching you between their bodies. It made you uncomfortable but at the same time excited you because for some reason, you weren’t scared of these two guys even though you should be. Their closeness calmed you, like a hot bath on a cold night. If only Ran was there too.

“So Mochi," Sanzu started as Mochi set the little box on the table, "which girl do you plan taking home tonight? I saw this one bitch earlier, she had a tongue piercing. So sexy. You barely see that shit 'round here unless they're on some freaky shit."

Mochi shook his head, a mischievous grin lighting up his face. “Nah I know who you're talking about. She's too skinny for me. Like my women big and curvy."

"Like big tits or big elsewhere?" Sanzu inquired.

You rolled your eyes, fighting back the urge to cover your ears as the two of them spoke about women like that. Your ears were burning and you huffed, watching Sanzu reach for the box and begin pulling out each item separately. First came liquid methadone in a small glass bottle, then a lighter followed by a pipe, and finally two more small bottles containing pills and strips of paper. 

Sanzu separated the pills into four piles; 1, 3, 5, and 10 milligrams and showed them to you. 

“These are different doses depending on what type of high you want to get.  Top pill is 10mg, this next one here is 5mg and so on. The black bag there contains amphetamines and opiates to treat the comedown after a good hit."

“Uh okay, sure. Whatever that means.” You replied as he began tearing off the labels. When you asked for drugs these weren't the type of drugs you were expecting. You expected marijuana or something, that's the only drug you were comfortable doing by yourself. Not this...hardcore stuff.

"Do you um have anything less intense?" You turned to your right and already saw Sanzu with his sleeve up, injecting himself in his arm with a needle.

"No." He snapped at you, turning back around. You could tell he didn't like being questioned but this was the most real answer you'd gotten so far.

The needle pierced through his skin and you flinched in spite of yourself.

"Let me guess, you haven't done any hard drugs before and are nervous about it." Sanzu eyed you carefully. You nodded and he sighed loudly, rolling his sleeve back down and passing the vial to Mochi. "You see this is why I said Ran wouldn't be pleased about this."

Mochi rolled his eyes. "Who cares." He closed the vial and put it back in the box, setting it aside.

Sanzu leaned forward in his chair and pointed the tip of his finger at you, poking you lightly in the chest. "Remember, you're a grown ass woman and you can do whatever the fuck you want to do." You could tell whatever he injected into himself started to get to him as he got that dazed look in his eyes.

"I know I'm grown. That doesn't mean I can't be nervous still though." You felt self conscious of yourself now, knowing you looked ridiculous sitting across the table from these two men as they popped bottles of pills, played with needles, and even lit a joint. "Which do you reccomened for a beginner to try?" you asked Sanzu and Mochi who began thinking deeply.

Mochi hovered his hand around the litany of drugs on the table and picked up the smallest pile of white pills. "This is Valium, It'll calm you down and make you relaxed."

Sanzu shook his head. "No you idiot. Don't give that to her." Sanzu began grabbing for the stack of pills, all stacked up neatly in a triangle shape. He grabbed for a pinkish colored pill, tossing it over to you. "This is Vicodin. It's stronger than valium and will give you a better high overall. Also, its effect lingers longer than valium so if you use it sparingly it won't leave you feeling down after a while." He takes the pill from Mochi's hands and puts it in his palm, holding both palms out towards you. "Choose babygirl."

You hesitated. Maybe you shouldn't do this...but you also really wanted to. Afterall, you were bored. "Vicodin please."

Sanzu nodded and handed Mochi the Valium pill. "Open up," he said softly at you. He gripped your chin and you opened your mouth wide for him to place the pill inside. It slipped down your throat easily. He pulled away, pushing his fingers towards the back of your head to force you to look him in the eye.

"Do you feel alright?" he asked you quietly, stroking your cheek gently.

"I don't feel any different..." you told him honestly. You just sat there and waited to see what happened next. Nothing seemed to happen at first, other than the ringing in your ears beginning to fade. "So how long until it kicks in?" you mumbled to him.

Sanzu stared at you. "Give it about thirty minutes. If not then an hour." He clapped his hands together loudly, the sound startling you and making you jump. "I feel mines kicking in already." He gave you another smile, looking almost proud.

The two of them started talking about something you didn't care about again and you zoned them out, focusing on seeing if you felt any different. Ten...fifteen minutes pass and you feel the same. Finally, thirty minutes later you started to feel like something had changed. It was subtle, but you knew it was happening. The world became clearer and things around you started to move slightly slower than before. Everything around you seemed sharper and you could sense colors vibrating on the edge of your vision. Your brain felt clearer too, your thoughts getting more straight and concise. All you could think about was the feeling of this clean, smoothness pulsing in your body.

Conversation flowed smoothly between the three of you and you began having fun, you felt more animated and extroverted. Eventually, you were a little too buzzed to carry on a normal conversation and fell asleep on the couch. You woke up around ten minutes later with a tap on your shoulder. Looking up, you saw Ran standing over you, concerned at the state of you.

He squatted down in front of you, pressing his palm on your forehead. "You don't have a fever. You tired or something?" he asked, removing his hand from your forehead to rest on his knees. You blinked slowly at him, realizing you were tired and sore, feeling rather sluggish.

Now that your eyes were fully open, you noticed the teeny tiny fading love bite on the corner of his jaw and frowned. "I'm fine," you said snappily, pushing your legs off the couch and stood upright. Your legs were tingly and felt like thousands of needles were stabbing you from the inside and vowed to never take a pill from Sanzu again.

"Ah she's awake!" Sanzu called out from his corner of the room. He was sitting at a table playing cards with a few more people that you don't recognise. A simple look around the room confirmed Dona and Rindou had left.

Sanzu waved you over and you didn't hesitate leaving Ran's side, too mad at him to stay by him and walked over to Sanzu. "This is Benkei and Wakasa." He introduced each person and you nodded politely.

"I hope we didn't wake you," Benkei said smiling at you.

You shook your head pointed at Ran with your thumb who was now standing behind you. His chest against your back so suddenly almost startled you, but you kept your composure. His arm snaked around your shoulders possessively when he caught Wakasa's lingering eyes on your form and subtly pulled you closer towards him.

"She's still high," Sanzu snickered, pointing at you and taking a swig of his beer.

"What?" Ran asked and turned you to face him. He held your face up and examined you carefully. Your eyes were puffy and red and looked a bit glassy as well, you were clearly intoxicated. "Was gone for half an hour and you already got her popping pills," he directed his statement at Sanzu who smiled widely at you.

You rolled your eyes at him and pushed his hands off your face. "What do you care anyway? And you were gone for longer than that."

"You counted or something? What difference does it make?" Ran countered.

"None," you huffed and crossed your arms. You turned back around and took the seat between Sanzu and Benkei, ignoring the way Sanzu peered back at Ran, grinning even wider than before and readjusted his seat further into the table. "How do you play this game? Cards is it?"

Wakasa picked up the deck and placed it in your lap. "Let me show you," he said softly, handing you the deck of cards and giving you a soft smile.

Rindou re-entered the room with Dona behind him, the two of them calling Ran over. He was hesitant to leave you by yourself with the three men, but decided to give you your space because he could tell you were angry at him right now.

Dona reached up and hugged Ran once he approached the two of them. "Hey, you okay?" she asked, noticing tense he looked.

Rindou looked around the room, his eyes locking in on the sight of Wakasa standing next to you, bent downwards to talk into your ear as he explained and taught you how to play cards. 

"Oh," he breathed softly before bursting into laughter. "Your girl got stolen huh?"

Ran shook his head and slouched against the wall. "We all know who she's gonna run back to at the end of the day." The funny part is that he wasn't lying. Rindou knows that, Dona knows that, Ran definitely knows that and even you do. Rindou and Dona have been far too acquainted with that fact on many occasions. 

"You're so cocky it's sick," Dona mimes gagging. "For my own entertainment I hope she runs off with Wakasa."

"Don't be like that Dona." Ran dug into his pocket, pulling out some extra notes he had laying around and held it in front of her. "Go get yourself laid and release all that stress."

"I'm not stressed!"

"Yeah right," Rindou laughed, ignoring the way Dona redirected her glare to him. "When's the last time you got laid?"

Dona crossed her arms and shrugged. "Like a few months ago. I dunno."

"Damn, no wonder you're bitchy tonight," Mochi said from the couch.

"You wanna see bitchy?" Dona strode forward and dumped her leftover glass of beer on top of his head. 

Ran and Rindou started cackling at the sight of a wet Mochi and Dona tossed the empty glass on the floor, walking back over to Ran and taking the cash from his hands. "Fuck maybe you're right. I do need to get laid."

"Have fun yeah." Ran slapped her ass as she went past him, yelping at the sting and pouting before walking out of the room.

"You think she has any luck?" Rindou asked, moving to stand opposite his brother.

"Men here are desperate. They'll pay their life savings just to see a pretty girls panties."

"Don't act like women aren't the same either. They'll strip to the floor at the sight of both you two idiots," Mochi said as he approached them, wiping the remaining beer from his face with a towel.

"As they should." Ran grinned. 

“Go take a shower man, you stink,” Rindou grumbled at Mochi.

"Speaking of strip I want my girl back now.” Ran lifted himself off the walls standing up straight “I'll be back gentleman."

By now, Waka had returned back to his seat opposite you as the four of you played cards, Sanzu currently winning three games in a row. You tried to concentrate on the game but every now and then, Benkei would rest his hand on your leg and his fingers would brush across your skin, sending tingles down your spine.

Ran strode towards you, his voice startling you by your ear. "C'mon baby lemme take you home." You leaned your head back, wanting to look him in the eye, and caught sight of his cheekbones, high forehead and nose before your eyes drifted downward to those full lips. You nodded without hesitation and he held his hand out, helping you slip out of the chair.

"Aw man you're going home already?" Waka exaggerated his disappointment as you slipped away. "You didn't even finish this game."

"I wasn't going to win anyway," you responded back before slipping your arms through Ran's blazer that he took off himself to hand to you. You mouthed a thank you to him and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, grabbing your bag and holding it close to him.

By the time you returned home, it was almost 2 in the morning. You phone had died earlier in the day, missing all of Shion's calls and texts. Ran parked his car outside Shion's apartment complex and rode the elevator up with you. You rang the doorbell, your brain too sluggish to attempt and use your keys.

Shion opened the door and almost immediately glared at Ran. If Ran was surprised to see Shion, he didn't show it; a subtle eyebrow raise that was blind to everyone's eye.

You stumbled inside the house, mumbling that you're sleepy. You beelined straight for the bedroom, collapsing on the bed. Meanwhile, Shion stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind him. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

"Me?" Ran shrugged and shook his head. "Nothing."

"She's drunk! Or high or whatever! I swear to God if you did something Ran, I'll—"

"You'll what? Kill me? With what."

Shion pulled out a gun he kept in his pants and pointed it at his forehead. The action meant to be threatening yet, the expression on Ran's face remained unphased. 

"Ooh, where'd you get that. That's illegal in Japan, ya know?" Ran noticed the safety was still on.

"I have connections you dumbass. Don't bother asking. You're not getting an answer."

"Kill me then," Ran suggested. "Just a pull on a trigger and all your problems and insecurities will be solved." Shion's brow furrowed as he contemplated it. Ran leaned forward, his voice lowering to a whisper. "Just know if you do, might as well kiss any chance you got with her away. She'll hate you forever and you know that."

"You don't know shit."

"Really?" Ran smiled, taking the opportunity to lean closer to Shion. "I'm not a theorist but..." Ran grabbed the gun easily from Shion's hands and Shion watched in confusion as he removed the safety and put the gun back in Shion's hands. Ran grabbed Shion's wrist and repositioned the gun back at his forehead. "Go on shoot me. Prove my theory wrong. It's a clean shot. Go on," he goaded.

Shion's breathing got heavier for a moment before his eyes cleared, a stern expression on his face. The anger on his face diminished as he put his arm down, letting it fall limp to his sides.

"Exactly," Ran spat, dusting down his suit. "I'll be taking this." He snatched the gun from Shion's hands, pocketing it in his own waistband before patting Shion on the head condescendingly, taking advantage of the clear height difference. "Can't be letting little boys run around here wtih one of these. They're dangerous y'know?"

"Get the fuck out before I call the police," Shion growled.

"How adorable. Relying on police to save your ass." Ran sighed, shaking his head disappointedly. "Tell her I'll see her tommorow yeah?" Shion glared at him and waited for Ran to walk towards the elevator before re-entering his house. He walked towards the bedroom where he knows you'd be. He saw you laying on the bed, half asleep, half awake and flopped down beside you.

“You awake?” he called quietly in a whisper.

You grumbled a noise in response, sounding like a yes and no. Shion took a moment before saying, “Who would you pick? Me or him?” He was met with silence. He shifted a little closer to you and called your name again, met with more silence. 

Must’ve fallen asleep, he thought, ignoring that nagging part of him thinking how weirdly coincidental that was but left the room anyway, leaving you to sleep. The second the door shut you opened your eyes and frowned. Deep down you knew the answer to that, but the question made you feel so awkward it was best to avoid. But you had a feeling he’d ask you about it again in the morning. 

Meanwhile, Shion pulled out his phone and texted Dona that the plan failed, Ran is hanging out you again. She doesn’t respond instantly like she normally does so Shion understandingly gets frustrated. He scrolled through his contacts when he found someone to text.

Shion: I need a favour

He responded back almost instantly.

Hanma Shuji: how cute of you to text me at 2am. Maybe if you beg ill be able to grant your wish

Shion: don’t make this fucking weird can we meet later or not?

Hanma Shuji: what’s in it for me? Im a busy man

Shion: You get to piss off Ran Haitani. Thats what.

Hanma Shuji: interesting…

Hanma Shuji: You got yourself a deal.

pls lmk how you found this chapter!!! i was trying a new writing style so if you could tell me if you enjoyed it or not that'll rlly help my writing and motivation thank you guyssss !!!

masterlist

taglist: @escafhwiluv @lyniana @haitanifxn @rindougf03 @mvteria @hisan-na @luvhaitani @mishueb @Dreamxies @yuma404 @sleeplessreader @shinichirolover @illusorysmut @Lxvephxbic @obsessedwreiner @ililailii @insayninthamembrayn @missgab @reihimbo @l0velikethis @lollevi @danasaan @tenjikusstuff4 @midoriapologist @alkanessa @asp7n @thebrownemo @levstar777 @sanaukii @yumidepain @jesjesboo @pink-sugar-rush @ssailorvenuss @mizukikyong @suckonlimes @xngelsau @wrldstarrr @lonnie19 @yanfei-kisser @wrldstarrr @hayeoyeon @christmassugarcookies @minimari415 @hxonieverse @rinshoe @taihjj @ezri261 @mkc-ana @secretanimesimp @https-sonshine @nil-eena @weebausarus @secretxchive @getosmybeloved @kakuchosbff @atarathegreat @erenwifey @nyanglock @illumiismyforeverhusband @tsumudrip @notdyl4n @haruchiiiyo @strawberryshorcakee3 @satoruloaf @whoreforfictionalmen18

[stxrvel]

not my one

summary: bucky was in love with you, from the bones to the tips of his hair, and life would be perfect for him if it weren't for the fact that you had just gotten engaged to Steve.

pairing: (bucky barnes x) f!reader x steve rogers

words: 4k

warnings: some bad words, bucky regretting a lot of things, bucky suffers a lot, reader is not aware of anything, miscommunication, bucky can be unfair to those around him. love triangle?¿ also angst. like i said before, there's no happy endings in this account.

note: hi! i had this in my drafts too for days until my inspiration strike again, and also only by leehi was playing on repeat on my headphones while writing this. if you want a full experience, i highly recommend you to listen to that song while reading. there's something in using a love song to write a heartbreaking story. anyway, i hope you all like this!! and i dont know when ill see you again so i really hope you guys enjoy this one. feedback is always appreciated! <3

So… Bucky knew it was wrong. From the beginning, from the first furtive glance, from the first unexpected, not at all reciprocal, brush. Bucky knew it was very wrong. His moral compass was shot when his thoughts, his intentions, went south and he couldn't stop them, or just didn't want to. At first it was hard to stop them, but at least he knew he intended to. After a good while, Bucky couldn't be sure he was really trying to stop it at all.

His gaze wandered in the crowds, among familiar faces, but only one that really cheered his soul. Guilt followed him, too. Maybe he had stopped fighting the feeling, but that didn't make it any more bearable. Seeing those two faces, smiling at them like it was nothing, asking them about the ring as if it were casual small talk while his heart contracted, made him feel like a traitor every day, and that guilt hung on his back like a bag full of stones. He carried his own sin like the unworthy one he was.

Still, he loved carrying those little moments in his heart, as if they really meant something, as if he didn't feel like he lost something every time he did it, as if butterflies flew around him when they did and everyone around him got as excited as he did, as if all the love songs came true in a single moment. As if saying I love you was as easy as breathing.

“Bucky, what do you say?”

But that was all just in his head.

“I'm with Natasha this time.”

The whole table was filled with shouts and boos. Bucky felt like he could shrink back in his seat and disappear.

Your face was right in front of his, a huge smile made your eyes sparkle. Everyone he knew was gathered and there were so many places Bucky could look, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from the curve of your lips. It was electrifying the way a simple distant gesture could ignite his body like that.

And it was shattering the way he had to remind himself that he couldn't stare for that long.

Not when the first person you saw after laughing was Steve. Not when the first hand you held was his. Not when those sparkling eyes were only for him. Bucky had to remind himself that he couldn't stare at you too long because you were his, for Steve, even though Bucky felt like he was eternally yours.

Bucky could remember the first time he'd seen you because it had been the first time he'd felt alive after so long living in the shadows and dust.

He was fixing his motorcycle, as he used to do countless times, instead of having gone out with his friends to the dinner that night that Wanda had scheduled. Every month they had an outing and one of them had to organize it. That was how they'd basically managed to stay in touch after so long after being out of college.

Bucky knew everyone was going to hate him for canceling at the last minute, but he really didn't feel like going out. So he sat outside his garage with his motorcycle looking for any slightest mistake he could fix or any scratches he could paint while he spent the entire day just there. That was his plan. But everything changed the moment you suddenly appeared in front of him, in a white flowered dress that he could still remember, that you actually still wore, and asked him if he could help you. With those doe eyes and a pout Bucky couldn't have escaped you, even if he wanted to.

“Excuse me, hello,” Bucky heard your voice for the first time and raised his head as if he knew what was in store for him.

Seeing you for the first time was very pleasurable, Bucky truly thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. The tool in his hand was halfway through fixing something on his motorcycle when his hand froze and his lips remained pursed. When he thought about it from time to time, Bucky thought he must have looked like an idiot.

“I don't want to bother you. Uhm… I'm Y/N. I just moved into the house over there,” you moved to point to one of the houses in the neighborhood that Bucky had seen for sale, being so far inside his own head to even realize that someone actually moved in there. “I wanted to know if… Well, it's just that I see you fix things and I- My car broke down. I don't know what's wrong with it, but it won't start with anything. I don't know anybody around either and only you were around, could you help me?”

Bucky had never heard a person ramble on like that. Rather he could say he had never heard such a melodic voice nor had he ever found a person who just rambled so tender and entertaining.

He took a moment to look behind you, where indeed there was a black car parked near the approach with the hood open. Returning his gaze back to you, he found you anxiously waving interlocked hands and a slightly frowning brow.

“Sure,” was all he said.

The smile you sketched for him felt like a reward.

“Thank you! Really thank you so much.”

Bucky could only nod as he picked himself up off the floor.

At that moment, your gaze lowered and met the bare chest of a man who spent every morning looking for something to fix on his perfectly good motorcycle. Bucky didn't think it was ever possible again, but he felt his cheeks redden.

“I'm going to-” Bucky motioned pointing to his house and then to his bare chest and then disappeared behind the door leading into his living room from the garage.

As he entered he had leaned against the closed door and berated himself for acting like a teenager and not a responsible adult who paid his taxes on time.

He came back out a few minutes later wearing a dark shirt and found you circling around his bike, looking at it as if you were in a museum. When he approached, you straightened up in embarrassment. Bucky wondered what you could feel embarrassed for when your very existence was worthy of being admired like that in a huge museum.

“Is that your car over there?” he asked stupidly, pointing to the only car parked along the road.

But as if that hadn't been too obvious a remark, you nodded animatedly and started walking in the direction of the vehicle. It looked like that huge grin wasn't going to disappear from your face since he agreed to help you, and Bucky felt like he was going to get in trouble for it.

“It came out of the garage very normally and I parked it here. I turned the engine off and went inside to get some stuff out and when I came back it just wouldn't start,” you explained with a cute frown, as you moved closer and closer to the car, that he couldn't stop staring at as if that was what he had to fix.

“Okay,” he almost whispered, and was startled as you moved closer to him to hear what he was saying. “You can stay in the seat and turn it on when I tell you.”

You shook your head animatedly again and went to sit down to wait for his direction. Bucky lingered for a moment processing the delicious floral, sweet smell, and the vanilla that your perfume gave off. He felt it wouldn't be long before it became his favorite scent. The lavender and vanilla. Bucky wasn't even a fan of ice cream or flowers.

He reluctantly looked down, letting the scent escape into the air. He quickly spot the problem and, after a simple motion, reached up to lower the hood.

“You can turn it on now.”

Bucky watched your surprised face, eyebrows raised and lips curved in a circle. It startled him how fast you were making his heart move in such a short time. How was that even possible?

It was even better when you moved the key and the car started without a hitch, with that giant crescent smile that almost hid your eyes completely. By the time you got out of the car, any trace of discomfort or nervousness in you was gone.

“Thank you very, very, very much. You don't know what you just saved me from…”

Bucky stared intently into your shining eyes, as if in the midst of a trance, as if he had to do it to live. He became so immersed in his introspection that he almost didn't notice that you were waiting for him to give you his name.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky…”

He almost melted at your melodious voice repeating his name as simple as butter, as if that's the way it had always been.

“Thank you so much, Bucky.”

He nodded, barely curving his lips into a half smile, and that also served as a farewell.

Bucky didn't know, or maybe he did, that from that moment on he wasn't going to be able to get you out of his head. And even if he tried, doing so would be more painful than simply leaving you there growing in his thoughts like ivy.

--

Bucky had spent many nights thinking about what had gone wrong. He replayed conversations in his head endlessly, like a broken record he replayed his own words, thought about what it all would have been like if he had done something different, if he had said something different, if that really would have been a relief to his heart. Bucky had already thought of everything, but really the only answer is that you were not meant to be together as he'd imagined.

Nothing was ever reciprocated. Any spark, any friction, it all had to have been inside his head because there was no other explanation.

And everything changed that night.

He had talked to you too many times since your car thing, even though it was hard for him. You had been to his house and he had been to yours almost countless times. You would meet in town and drive back together. You walked early on weekends. You brought him the best dishes he'd ever tasted in his life to eat together….

And he decided to take you to meet his friends. Even before he took you on a date. Before talking about what you had. Before a kiss. Before sleeping together.

For Bucky there was nothing more important than you meeting his friends. That's how big his love was, even if sometimes he lied so he wouldn't see them. It was his way of loving.

Every day of his life he regretted that decision because that night it was all about Steve and you. That night he felt like the world was falling apart on him. Everyone was talking about Steve and you. That you had so much in common, that you would make a cute couple, that your children would be beautiful. Bucky loved his friends, but that night…

After that everything went to hell.

As if you'd never met him, your days began to fill with Steve.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh. I'm going to meet Steve. We have a reservation.”

“Ah.”

Every day. There wasn't a day when he didn't hear his best friend's name come out of your mouth, sentencing him to eternal agony, because Bucky was never able to tell him that he loved you first, that he fell in love first. He couldn't do that to Steve who in so many things had been with him and had gone through so much.

“Are you free tonight?”

“No, Buck, I'm sorry. I'm going out with Steve.”

“Oh, sure. Is he coming to pick you up?”

“No, I'll take a cab.”

“At this hour?”

“Don't worry. I'll text you when I get there.”

And you did. But you wrote him too much. You told him how amazing the date had gone. You described how good you felt around him. And you confessed to him that you'd kissed.

Bucky thought about moving out after that.

“Hi, Bucky!”

But he also thought about how hard it would be to be so far away from you. Maybe it was worth it to avoid a broken heart, but…. No, it was too late for that now.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

He lifted his head so fast he felt a whiplash of tension run down his back.

“No. Why?”

Could it be possible that…?

“Then you are cordially invited to a game night at my house. Sincerely, Steve and I.”

Steve and I.

Bucky shouldn't have been disappointed because he knew he shouldn't have felt hope in the first place, but he didn't expect to feel the anger bubbling in his chest either. You walked away like it was nothing after that, with a huge smile on your face, the one that made him fall in love with you in the first place. You walked animatedly as if you hadn't just stomped his heart to smithereens. You walked totally oblivious to the overwhelming guilt that grew from the pit of his stomach to plant itself in his chest for the first time.

You didn't even know anything. There was no way Bucky could blame you. Not even Steve. He had only himself to blame. For not speaking up first, for waiting so long, for not taking the risk.

Bucky didn't go to that game night.

Not the next one, not the one after that, not the one after that, not the one after that, not the one after that either…

Bucky stopped going to his friends' monthly meetings. He always said he had too much work. And yes, he dragged out his own work so he wouldn't even risk thinking about all he had lost.

At least five months passed and it was a year to the day since that night when Bucky made the worst mistake of his life.

That night he was surprised to find Steve outside his door.

He had just come home from work. It was close to ten o'clock at night. His face was cold from the weather and from not wearing his helmet since entering his residential area.

“Steve,” was his greeting.

“Bucky,” his friend reciprocated as he parked the bike in his garage.

Reluctant to any kind of conversation that might come up that night, Bucky tried to find any possible excuse to get Steve to leave. But he took too long.

“We're neighbors now,” was all Steve said, once Bucky got off the bike and turned to face him.

“What?”

“I moved in with Y/N today. I live with her now.”

Like a hundred broken panes of glass Bucky's heart sounded every time it pounded. His friend's sparkling eyes were telling him, screaming at him to say something, to congratulate him, a few words, but his breath caught in his throat and he didn't even feel like he could trust his own legs at that moment.

You had moved in together.

You loved Steve so much that you'd asked him to move in with you.

“That's good, Steve.”

Not even great, just good. The words came almost slurred out of his mouth, and yes, his own head ripped the words out of him before it became too awkward and suspicious a silence.

“We tried to call you to come by after work. We had a little party.”

“I had my cell phone on silent.”

Bullshit. Bucky had seen every call, even yours, along with your messages, and had spent a good while just staring at the screen wondering what it could be about that both of you at the same time wanted to contact him.

“I figured.”

Steve sighed, and for a second Bucky thought he had figured it out. From the look on his face, Bucky figured he'd tell him to stay away from you and not try to get close because he'll have him between his eyebrows.

“You can stop by tomorrow at breakfast, if you want.”

Somehow, that was worse.

“No, thanks.”

“Buck-”

“I'm leaving very early for work.”

“Bucky-”

“I can't, Steve, I'm sorry.”

“Bucky, we haven't seen you in months.”

The aforementioned stood halfway through opening the door to his living room, almost completely forgetting that had he gone through to the other side he would have locked his best friend in his garage and, for a moment, that almost didn't even matter to him. The thought scared him.

“It's been about four months since I've seen you in person. I figured you were going through something and needed time, but hasn't it been a long time already?”

“Five.”

“What?”

“It's been five months,” Bucky turned to look at his friend unhinged face and guilt washed over him once more, as strong as the first time, a great wave breaking the sand. “Come in. So you can go out the front door because I already locked that door and it's electric and very slow and…”

The sympathetic expression on Steve's face didn't please him, he decided he didn't like it. It looked like he was looking at him with sorrow, with pain, but he didn't understand, he wasn't going through half of what Bucky was feeling everyday, he didn't have the slightest idea. He was going to a warm bed after this, at least, and Bucky would get to the great solitude of his thoughts.

No. Steve didn't understand shit.

“Don't look at me with that fucking face,” he exclaimed before he could stop himself. “Just leave.”

Bucky thought about that hurt expression on Steve's face for several days.

--

Two months later, somehow, you had convinced Bucky to attend one of your monthly meetings. It was so hard and yet so easy to make that decision, because you had gone all the way to his house and knocked on his door and asked him to come so many times that he couldn't say no just to avoid seeing your disappointed face.

And so it had come to that moment. That moment where everyone was booing Natasha and Bucky could tell by your huge smile that he hadn't gotten over you one bit. Two months without seeing you had been for nothing. That zero contact method surely only worked with teenagers.

As the laughter dissipated, Bucky thought about all he had been through and all he had suffered in silence. He hated that he couldn't hate anyone because everything that had happened was his fault. He hated every time he logged on to his text app and had to find himself in the group chat various messages about how Steve and you made such a great couple that neither of them could wait for you to get married.

Maybe Bucky complained too much.

Because the next thing he knew, everyone gathered around the table and you announced your engagement to Steve. When the table was again filled with shouts and applause, Bucky couldn't take his eyes off the giant ketchup stain on the table that Natasha had caused by getting too excited about the news. The envelope had been crushed by her hand, splattering its contents on that piece of the table and even on the shirts of those nearby. But no one really cared, because you and Steve were getting married. No one except…

... Bucky's weak and bruised heart, which despite the months could never stop beating just for you. Even though he tried, for his sake, for the sake of your friendship, for the sake of being happy for his best friend, he simply could not. It was a losing battle for him from the start. Ever since you showed up in his front yard in that blessed white flowered dress you were wearing now to deliver that news, and you smiled gratefully at him with the same smile you had now as you were encircled by Wanda and Tony's arms.

Bucky wanted to say that he'd grown accustomed to the pain that accompanies a broken heart, but the truth was that it never got easier. Every time he felt that pain, he prayed he wouldn't have to feel it again, because the pain that followed was so much stronger, so much so that he felt it suck the air out of him and a hollowness made its space inside his chest.

Bucky was really struggling to keep his composure at that moment.

But when he looked away from the large ketchup stain on the table, he met Steve's eyes, and somehow he knew. Bucky knew that he knew. However it was, coincidence or fate, Bucky realized that Steve knew what was going through his head.

And, for some reason, Steve didn't look angry.

But Bucky wasn't taking that pressure. Feeling invisible hands suffocating him.

So he barely mumbled an apology to him and ran out of the house.

His intention was to make it to the safety of his house, but his legs only gave out until he found his motorcycle parked in front of the future husband and wife's house.

His breathing was heavy, rapid and ragged. Of all the heartbreaks, that one was perhaps the most painful.

“Bucky?”

Hearing your voice behind him as he tried to fight the anxiety of not crying, not that moment, not in that place, not when it could be so obvious to you, was like a bucket of cold water. He suddenly felt alert, uncovered.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why?”

“You ran out of the house.”

Although he tried to avoid it, the first thing he saw when you stepped around him to face him was the large ring that was now part of you. It was beautiful and delicate, Steve had made a good choice.

“I was overwhelmed for a moment. The screaming and stuff,” he gave you a lousy excuse, but it seemed to convince you enough.

“Oh, sure, I'm sorry. Do you want me to make you some tea? I've got a soothing one.”

“No,” Bucky shook his head quickly. “No need. I'd better go to my place.”

“So soon?”

Bucky looked into those deer eyes he loved so much and it hurt so much to think that would be the last time he saw them.

“Yeah, I'll feel better there. Don't worry.”

“Text me if you need anything.”

“Sure,” he wasn't going to. “Ah, congratulations on the engagement.”

Bucky was going to leave it at that, at a few simple words he tried to say with his heart in his hand, but you went further and jumped in to hug him by wrapping your arms around his neck. He felt dizzy for a moment.

“If it wasn't for you I never would have met him. Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky swallowed hard to keep from collapsing right there in your arms.

“Sure.”

“And to think I thought I'd end up with you,” you blurted out with a chuckle, as if it was nothing, as you backed away from his body, as if you hadn't just dropped a bomb on his face.

Bucky went cold.

“What?”

You laughed again, as if it was nothing more than a funny anecdote from adolescence or college. His chest heaved from the pain, his heart pounding so hard he felt it behind his ears. Hands sweaty, he didn't feel ready to listen to you.

“When we first met I liked you, Bucky, and I thought maybe we could work something out… But then I met Steve and it was… Wow, like fireworks.”

“Ah.”

“I guess things really do happen for a reason.”

“Yeah, right,” Bucky replied on automatic, afraid that any distraction would give him a glimpse, trying to even out his breathing.

“Well, you know, text me if you need anything.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

“See you at the wedding, huh.”

“Sure.”

Bucky followed you with his eyes as you walked back to your driveway, where Steve was waiting for you. His gaze lit up as much as yours every time he saw you and the lump in Bucky's throat kept getting bigger and bigger. He couldn't be one second closer to that house.

But then you walked into the house and Bucky met Steve's gaze.

He started to get on his bike as his best friend started walking towards him.

“Why didn't you ever say anything?”

Bucky remained sitting on the bike, helmet in his hands.

“I'm not going to talk about this with you now, Steve.”

“No, Bucky, you're not going to do this again. Answer me.”

“Steve…”

“Answer me!”

Bucky turned to see his friend's contracted face and knew where his anger was coming from. It wasn't against him, it wasn't against his feelings.

“I just… I couldn't do it.”

“And that's all?”

“Yeah, that's all,” Bucky started the bike. “I couldn't say anything when I saw you smile for the first time in months. Not when you actually looked happy after everything you went through.”

“What I went through? What we went through, Bucky! We both suffered through it and you… you…”

“Whatever it is, Steve, it's over. The time is past. It's all behind us.”

“Bucky…” Steve slurred the words, incredulous, pained to see his best friend allowed to suffer like that. In deep pain because he knew if it had been the other way around he would have done the same.

“I'll be fine. Send me the invitation to the wedding. I promise I'll be there, if you want me there. And I'll be fine by then. I'll be fine.”

Bucky finally put on the case and without waiting for final words from Steve, he took off riding to an aimless destination.

He didn't know if he would be better by the time the wedding happened, because thinking about it at that moment made the tears run desperately down his cheeks, even though the wind dried them very quickly, just as they were replaced by others and others.

Bucky had no idea if he would ever be well again, but he had to try. He had to try because at that moment he felt like he would die.

[wooimbouttamakeanameformyself]

Leave the whole abuse claims aside. Elta is not funny in the slightest, she is so cringe and her voice is vomit inducing. Its weird that no body around her have told to stfu at least once. It is the same " humour" that pulled jensen to her? I dont think so cause he doesn't seem to enjoy it. I'm starting to wonder why he liked her in first place, maybe its her banana deep-throating skills. Giving the fact that she a permanent joker face now, I don't think her this skills is useful anymore lol.

😂😂I’d be surprised if she could move her face enough to do… any of that — not that I believe they’re still even intimate with each other given any photo ops together they’re as stiff as a board and look like they’re being forced to stand next to each other.

God knows what the hold was, it must’ve been something if they both cheated on their partners with each other — but based on the things I heard that happened at their wedding It seems Jensen’s been regretting getting with her since 2010, maybe only liked her a little bit when they had his favourite child, JJ, then has hated her since the twins 😂

Oh, and the only time we see Jensen even remotely like Danneel is when he’s shitfaced.

[diabeticasshat]

SCOTT PILGRIM WRITING AU RAMBLE BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ART READY TO UPLOAD YET ( ARCHIVES MIGHT BE! )

✦ㅤ

Gideon sipped a cup of ice tea, it was a party he was invited to but has no idea who invited him. “ You’re not from around here, your eyes have seen things. '' An albino woman passed him by, her fingertips entrailed onto Gideon’s chin which made Gideon shiver to the core. He held to his cup uncomfortably, but he already felt attached to this woman, who is she? Had she met him before, his thoughts were overwhelming his brain.

It wasn’t long before he snapped out of it as Ramona tugged his arm and made him sit close to the floor, as if he was being tugged like a chain close to his neck. Maybe this is what he needed, his thoughts clouded his brain again.

Weeks passes by, Gideon starts to feel infuriated in the relationship as Ramona settles on her plans while not prioritizing him in the slightest. She would call him in the slightest of chores and sometimes would hug him in his sleep, but even that was so dreadful, he was like a plant that needed water but even that wasn’t a main necessity.

He started to cry which made Ramona coo at him for once, he was like a child that needed nurturing and his childhood best friend was slashing his face. “ What’s the matter? I had to stop writing record labels. “ Gideon limped himself to the floor, looking at Ramona with tethered eyes. The public couldn’t give him thousands of stares, but lay down embarrassment as his glasses fogged thinking of a chance to scream, to scream her name even beg for it.

All he let out was a downward look before Ramona up tightly used her hand and raised Gideon’s chin, “ Time is passing, by the time you’re done I’ve already finished 50 shades of gray, you need to stand up. “ A crowd started to blabber about what he was doing was straight up shameful which pulled Ramona to grab Gideon and they both rushfully ran towards the stairs and up to the corridor up the building.

“ You know, you could’ve spoked about it to me right? You have a mouth, use it. “

“ You don’t understand!- “

“ I DON’T? You don't understand how much I spend so much time getting into record labels just to give you what you want! “

“ I suggest behaving, and drink the pain away! Maybe then I could give you a treat. “

Gideon’s eyes went numb, as if someone was stopping him from speaking. He muttered a weak “ Yes Ramona, I’ll take your advice. “ Walked downstairs again as if he imprisoned himself, he was like a vessel and Ramona was the symbiote, it was a toxicity he couldn’t even escape from.

✦ㅤ

Ramona goes on a rampage while Gideon holds a bottle of whisky, in his point blank he shouted back, like a dog unfamiliarized with the world around him. They both shouted until their voice ran out, to the point Gideon was almost sober.

“ You only cared about me when it comes to MONEY! “

“ SO WHAT! MONEY GIVES HAPPINESS! “

“ Well, it is certainly ruining US both! “

“ I try to talk to you, you’re always toying around my shoulder and telling me ‘ We’re gonna be famous worldwide ‘, and only for you to perpetuate me to being a bassist and that’s all you want from me! ”

“ You’re of great importance, my dear, you have seen far lan- “

“ YOU’RE NOT MY DAD! “

Ramona obviously backed down from this, it’s like her eyes drooped as if she had one. She was a living beetle, as if she actually bitten him enough to the point his blisters were pointing out, making him act out.

“ Not all of us HAVE good dads, Ramona. ”

“ Some of us have abusive ones, and some of us are even lucky we get out ALIVE. “

“ If you bite my hand again, I’m gonna kick you in the shins. “

“ Look, Gideon, I didn’t know you felt like that- “

“ Well, be more wary of what other people feel next time. “

Gideon left with a sigh, and also left a note for Ramona to read. It was covered with the words ‘ RAMONA ‘, she squinted at the sight of it. She didn’t feel a twinge of regret but her curiosity peaked. Her dull eyes looked while noticing there was a stain of blood hit the note he wrote, finally, worry sparked inside of her, was he doing self harm in their relationship?

Their relationship is indeed self harm in itself, Gideon couldn't coo himself to feel better. He felt like he was trapped inside of his bubble. As if he cant photosynthesize if he’s around. She was a venus flytrap to him.

[samthecookielord]

I regret to inform you all i am not a clive fan (clenches fists) i dont even understand why anyone would like this guy (holds head in hands) hes not even interesting or compelling in the slightest (keels over) and we all already know everything about him so what even is the point of thinking about him (on the floor) im not even interested in exploring what he's like in different scenarios(

[trickstarbrave]

i am watching sulmatul's video on v:tmb and i have to say. i dont agree with her assessment of terese and jeanette's storyline

this isn't to say i think everyone has to like it. its a deeply upsetting backstory and how terese and jeanette talk about it isn't comfortable in the slightest. it can be very, very triggering for anyone listening. but i have played the game over and over and that was always my favorite part.

so uh. cw for: csa, DID, psychosis, murder, serious mental illness, self harm through risky behaviors, and verbal abuse. but i do wanna talk about my thoughts

--

sulmatul frames it as terese was openly being portrayed as a seductress being abused by her father, jeanette openly trying to seduce him in turn, and all being done for the sake of edginess with no care for how they portray such delicate subject matter.

i can agree it is a bit edgy and some parts are unnecessary with dark humor which doesn't take the edge off like the writers probably assumed it was but only gives it a trivializing edge in some parts. but upon first play-through i already grasped what was going on and more play-throughs only confirmed it.

terese and jeanette were never two separate people physically, i dont think. the painting of them and their father as two little twin girls was likely commissioned by terese and was to throw the player off. its clearly stylized anyways and not a realistic portrait. DID is typically formed due to severe childhood trauma, after all, and consistent sexual abuse a very common source of said severe childhood trauma, unfortunately (i have met people with DID who have openly admitted to developing it in response to CSA). jeanette was always terese's alter, and was originally to protect terese. jeanette holds all the negative feelings about their abuse, and all the negative thoughts terese has about herself. jeanette is the one who snuck out of the house to sleep around, which is not jeanette "being the classic whore" but instead a form of self harm by engaging in risky behaviors. jeanette figures if she has to suffer through sex, she might as well do so on her terms. meanwhile terese has convinced herself she's actually their father's "favorite".

jeanette openly despises their father. jeanette openly resents him. she says "father always liked terese more" when trying to manipulate the player and trying to inspire pity, but she's not really broken up about his death and instead takes a sort of sick delight in it.

jeanette only really specifies sleeping with him one time in particular: the night of his death. jeanette came back from sneaking out. their father came in drunk, and jeanette was still awake. terese it seems only has partially or emotional amnesia given how quickly she knows what jeanette has done and vice versa, and always seems particularly disgusted with how much jeanette sleeps around and with who because she remembers it, even partially. their father mistook jeanette as terese, and assaulted her. terese then wakes up, climbs out of bed, gets their father's gun, and shoots him in the head for "cheating" on her in a fit of psychosis, only to then regret what she had done.

terese was never not the victim, nor is she ever portrayed as a seductress when she is the primary victim. she is not a nymphet, nor is their father portrayed sympathetically as an abuser. when jeanette calls her a whore, its to hurt terese severely. terese hates openly talking about the abuse, ashamed of it, despite how much she says "father loved me more than you" listing off all the ways jeanette's behavior upset him. but its also clear they have built up their whole identities around what the other is most insecure about but tries to hide.

terese, is an uptight, direct, serious business woman almost in direct response to jeanette's deep seated fear and insecurity of never being taken seriously. and jeanette is a seductress who simply loves sex and sleeping around, either to manipulate people or just for fun, in almost direct response to terese's deep seated fear of being seen as a whore or unclean for being sexually abused.

i don't think sulmatul had any malice with summarizing it as such. it is not a story that handles sexual abuse with kid gloves on, with clear lines of right and wrong and holds your hand through it. in real life victims are messy and complicated. some refuse to admit they were abused and claimed it was all consensual. some respond with risky behaviors, horrible attitudes, and a general lack of care that makes them unsympathetic to most. oftentimes they are pitted against one another by an abuser who distracts them with jealousy and making them tear each other down. even for those who resent their abuse, after being subjected to it for so long, you begin to hate and resent those who are given special treatment and are seen as the "favorites".

i can see anyone who doesn't like engaging with that sort of storyline having a knee jerk reaction, and i can also see someone unfamiliar with the messy, disgusting feelings and behaviors of abuse victims to equally draw the wrong conclusion. but what is to one victim triggering and offensive is to others an outlet for being seen.

every play-through i try my damnedest to keep them both alive. they do love and support each other but are twisted by old wounds that continue to feed into a cycle of self harm, personal attacks, petty jealousy, and insecurity. they have been running from their trauma for years with only each other as their confidant, and neither has emotionally healed enough to handle it. they won't heal if they lose the other. it only validates the poor coping mechanisms the surviving sister has. but god is it hard to do so.

v:tmb doesn't have a lot of deep themes, but it is overall (at least in the early parts) attempting to explore the grotesque, messy parts of society people try to look the other way from. disease (including sexually transmitted diseases), sex, abuse, murder, drugs, nightclubs, sex work, all of it without glamorizing it, and cloaking it in the imagery of bad horror movies of the time.

[aztarion]

HI. 10/11 i actually don't know what route Deva is on💔 fake fan. also 7 and 15 👀

HI JULES!! omg no i dont think i ever mentioned it dont worry im actually not even 100% set on what i have at the moment either BUT lets go on an adventure 🫴

10. If on the Bobby route, did your detective and Bobby kiss? Unwanted or Wanted? How is your detective dealing with this? And how do you think M will react once they find out?

But but but… Dev is my messy chaos child of course she kissed Bobby 🤦‍♀️

its a complicated situation and theres a rat-king tangle of emotions she doesn’t want to even begin to parse through knotting in her chest and stomach after the carnival w Mason and what she overhears from him back at the warehouse. she didn’t particularly DESIRE to kiss Bobby (but the girl lying in bed w her cat and 18 kirbies cackling evilly and choosing whatever’s funniest did shh) but they have a history and hes easy and she has steam to blow off and destructive habits to engage and the devil you know, you know. if there’s one thing about Deva she does not let things go and she will get even after taking the slightest hit to her ego, as shitty as that sounds 😭 zero emotional regulation . so yeah she initiates the kiss 🕴️

she is meh towards bobby in general (thinks hes funny in ‘i hate my job and this nosey ass reporter i used to fw in college adds a little entertainment’ way) but doesn’t regret the kiss in terms of feeling bad with regards to mason. wildly, she went into book 3 with a good relationship with bobby (truly chaotic exes) despite being a huge bitch in book 1 to him so he did NOT bring up the kiss to mason which she had forgot all about until that point. i would say thats when it starts to weigh on her subconscious a little, an uncomfortable niggling that she suppresses with her usual vices and louder simpler thoughts and feelings. im hoping thats not the end of it and that it does get brought up again just to make her squirm hehe

7. What does your detective think of the glimpse of M’s past and their “not guilty” judgment?

dev has an eerie sixth sense for weird shit and a knack for springing into action at pivotal and intense moments, but putting effort into dissecting and finding meaning in these strange situations is not her specialty so she doesnt bother. what she sees hardly makes sense to her at that moment other than the real flesh-and-blood-not-mirror Mason is on his knees in pain so um yeah she fucking shoots the mirror LMAO. crazy ass

later when its mentioned that what was playing out was Masons past, she feels sympathetic for sure — it looked like torture and experimentation to her, plus later when she gets another piece of the puzzle that M purposefully chose to have their memories wiped, she figures thats precisely why. having something like that haunting you, especially for an eternity as a vampire, would for sure fuck you up and she’d do the same.

as for the not guilty verdict, well she barely listened to Falk 😭 but she’d believe it. even if mason went beast mode and killed everyone in that room, it looked like they deserved it to her, and she has off-kilter morals and a twisted sense of justice anyway to put it lightly (capt sung was off the shits on his 8th line of coke with jeremy fragrance and mayor friedman on the day he promoted this woman in law enforcement I can tell u that much . Had to be)

15. What is your detective’s relationship with Rebecca like? If they saw the conversation that she has with M before the end of Book 2, what would they think?

BAD!! oh so so bad. *slaps devas head* this oc can pack so many grudges and let absolutely nothing go, ever . i delve a bit away from canon with her backstory and give an extra L to rebecca to keep secret and feel guilty about — in dev’s early childhood, after rooks death but before her 7th bday, rebecca permitted the agency to wipe a memory from deva which was of an imaginary friend that actually wasn’t imaginary and in fact a supernatural 🏃‍♀️ i go into that a lot more in the fic im writing and what it does to their relationship when dev finds out so ill spare details cuz this is long as hell already.

for the talk with Mason, god im fuzzy on it atm but if i remember right becky stays in her lane 😤 thats another thing that drives dev insane, is Rebecca thinking she can suddenly just involve herself in her personal life because theyre working together now. much too little far too late. rebecca is less than a stranger to her as far as deva is concerned and she is extremely harsh and unforgiving (which if mishka doesnt, i will make come back and bite dev in the ass bc truth be told i do like Rebecca as a character hehe)

thank you jules <33 you have GOT to rb one of these things some day so i can poke and prod about your love triangle menace 😤

[miss-choi-park]

Sin never tasted so...

Chapter 4 - Not again

A TXT Yeonjun Fanfiction from Mrs. Choi-Park

CEO/non-idol/dom/bully!Yeonjun! / Confident/sub/named/fem!Reader!

Previous Chapter:

[...] "I wonder what you were doing during the song...certainly…not just dancing." He whispered, just loud enough for me to hear him over the quietly playing song.

"Yeonjun! What are you thinking again?!"

"I'm just thinking about what you guys did...without ever actually having sex."

I furrowed my brows: "Oh God! That's none of your business!"

Warnings under the cut

Warnings: foreplay, liking, rough language, sex language, they kinda hate each other - but it's consensual, kissing, naked touching?- I dont know, what else😅

Please remember that I fully respect the privacy of all K-Pop Idols and that this is just a fantasy. It's not my intention to harm anyone! (I've been a MOA since March 2023)

I tried to push him away from me by his shoulders.

"You left too quickly that night…I wasn't even close to being done with you." He whispered, seemingly unaffected in the slightest by the push of my hands on his shoulders.

The warning sirens go on inside me. I had to get out of here! Get away from him! I didn't want another event that I would regret.

"Yeonjun! Let me go! Come on, we don't want another event we regret!"

A deep breath on his part. His grip became so tight that I was afraid he would leave bruises on my hips.

"Who says I regret what we did?" He asked. His features suddenly became sharper.

"I um..."

"You actually regret it?"

I suddenly felt so small under his gaze. Like a little child who knew it had done something wrong. Then Yeonjun started moving. I couldn't react so quickly because my back hit one of the mirrors.

Yeonjun disappeared into the crook of my neck. Without warning, he bit into my sensitive skin there and I felt a rush of heat as I let out an involuntary moan. I immediately clapped a hand over my mouth.

Why did I have no strength at all against Yeonjun's attacks?

"You shouldn't regret your first time." He growled into the crook of my neck before licking the spot he had just bitten.

I narrowed my eyes as my body gave up fighting against Yeonjun. Again…so damn easily.

My brain had gone from defensive to non-existent so quickly.

Fuck! What was wrong with me?! What was wrong with my body, my head?

Only my heart was beating violently against my chest, that I was afraid it would jump out straight away.

Without another word, I noticed Yeonjun's fingers on my center.

"When I'm done with you, you definitely won't regret this!" Yeonjun continued to growl before his head appeared in front of mine again. His lips were immediately on mine. The lips that had driven me crazy like nothing else in this world.

Yeonjun was a dominant kisser, but that's exactly what I enjoyed. I immediately lost myself again and I was quick to allow him entry into my mouth as the feeling that was so appealing the last time came over me again. This forbidden feeling...like a drug, it clouded my senses and made me afraid of becoming addicted.

Then his fingers. They immediately found my clit over my pants and I moaned into his mouth.

My body had decided to give in to him again. The one and only one I was supposed to hate.

Yeonjun pulled away from me and our eyes met: "Good girl...just go for it!"

His second hand found its way into the waistband of my pants.

"You smell so damn good!" He whispered before his mouth found the crook of my neck again. My hands slipped around his shoulders.

Why did I allow him to do this again, why did I allow myself to do this again?! My thoughts was clear but my body just couldn't make a move against him.

Yeonjun's thumbs pulled down my pants. On...and on, before his head disappeared from the crook of my neck and his entire body disappeared in front of me. I looked down at myself. Yeonjun knelt in front of me, his eyes locked into mine, his mouth right in front of my with panties clothed center.

I started shaking with excitement, while my pants found their way to my ankles.

"You like that, huh?" He asked as I felt his warm fingers slide over my legs. Over my shins around my knees and over the back of my thighs to my butt. He pulled my hips from the mirror closer to his lips, which he licked - oh so sensually…

I caught my bottom lip between my teeth as my hand found his soft, full hair. Yeonjun smiled at me before his eyes moved to my middle.

One of his thumbs slid over my bottom straight to my still covered entrance. He didn't press, just stroked it, but I couldn't breathe. My gaze settled on a gray pipe on the ceiling of the room while my fingers clung tightly into his black.

Then his thumb suddenly pressed into my entrance. I could swear I could feel him inside me with the material of my underwear. I couldn't help myself and moaned.

Fuck that was good! Addicting…exiting good.

"I doubt you regret that...you're pretty wet!" Yeonjun uttered and I unconsciously pressed him against my center. When I felt the tip of his nose directly on my clit, my pelvis shot forward to capture the feeling that was building inside me.

"You're making it really hard to resist." Yeonjun said. So close to me, I felt the vibration of his voice shoot straight from my middle up into my head.

I was crazy! Crazy for this feeling, crazy for the electricity in the air, crazy for more.

Without wasting a second, Yeonjun's skilled fingers pulled my underwear down to the back of my knees. Immediately afterwards his lips briefly above my lower lips.

Shit, I wanted him! I literally needed him.

My core was begging for him, for his attention and touch.

I quickly got my way as Yeonjuns thumbs pulled me apart.

"Fuck, such a pretty pussy!" He whispered before diving into me. His hot tongue slid through my slit and I thought I was going to die.

That's exactly what my ex had done, but Yeonjun's tongue felt so different.

So much better.

So much hotter.

I clapped my hand over my mouth again to suppress any louder moans.

"Shit Yeonjun!" I muttered through my hand and felt his smile on me. Shortly afterwards his tongue found my clit and I literally melted. My hand in his hair pulled him as close to me as possible.

His tongue ran circles around my bundle of nerves and I began to see stars. That was so much better than with my ex. That was the only thought that kept circling through my head.

Suddenly I felt his fingers at my entrance. I clenched around nothing. The excitement inside me almost killed me.

I couldn't keep calm as his index finger slids inside me.

Long and cold compared to my heat, but so good.

His tongue didn't stop circling my clit as his finger began sliding in and out of me. Over and over again. Faster with every thrust. I felt my wetness and his saliva running down my inner thighs.

Suddenly Yeonjuns free hand grabbed my left leg and lifted the back of my knee onto his shoulder. This gave him more space on me, which he immediately took advantage of and sucked on my clitoris. I jumped so hard that I was afraid of losing my balance.

My eyes wandered down to Yeonjun. The image that presented itself to me looked so forbidden and sensual. Almost sinful.

Without giving myself a moment to get used to his penetration, he added a second finger to the one that was already deep inside me.

I no longer knew where I was, no longer knew who I was or what I was doing here…but I noticed the tingling sensation in my lower stomach, how my core was becoming more sensitive by the second and how my heart kept skipping a beat.

"Yeonjun! Just - ahh - a little more!" I moaned and he gave me that 'bit’ right away.

His fingers curled inside me, hitting the spot he had hit a few nights before.

And I came...I came hard.

My whole skin tingled and warm waves of ecstasy washed over me. Tears formed in my eyes, as I let go and allowed my body to feel Yeonjun and only him. Nothing else mattered anymore.

Yeonjun brought me through my orgasm, until it subsided and he slowly pulled his fingers out of me. Yeonjun pulled away from me and I collapsed so quickly that my butt hit the cold floor a little too hard.

"Whoa! Slowly." Yeonjun admonished me, whose hands I soon felt under my arms.

I opened my glassy eyes and looked at him.

Did that really just happen? Had I really cum from him again?

Yeonjun smiled at me before wiping his mouth, glistening with my juice.

"You cum pretty quickly, you know that?" He said before leaning over and giving me a kiss on the forehead, between my eyebrows.

The kiss was short but warm and felt soothing.

"And do you regret it again?" He asked and I took another deep breath. Not yet able to move much, I closed my eyes and began to smile.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I want to know!"

"No. Why are you doing this?"

I opened my eyes again and looked at him. Yeonjun looked a little confused.

"It feels good." He said, his eyes wandering to my stomach.

"Then find some other gir-"

"It feels different with you!" He interrupted me. His gaze returned to mine.

Did he just admit that he also felt the fire sparked by the forbidden feeling?

"No idea why...", He murmured and immediately took one of my hands, "I really have no idea, but it hurts."

He guided my hand to the front of his jeans and I felt his hard erection beneath my palm.

"I'm so hard it hurts...like last time." He murmured as his forehead fell against mine. His hot breath hit my cheeks as he pressed his pelvis tightly against my hand.

His hand was gripping my wrist so tightly, as if he was afraid I was going to run away.

"Fuck, I just want…" Yeonjun murmured as his head disappeared back into my neck, kissing and licking every inch there.

I swallowed. The warmth of his body so close to me was intoxicating. I tried something and started kneading his hard bulge. A deep growl from him and I lost myself again. "Yeonjun...let me go." I whispered in his ear. Yeonjun immediately appeared in front of me again: "No chance, potato! I just did you a favor. You have to return it."

I smiled.

"I don't want to leave." I muttered and only then realized the idea that had popped up into my head.

Yeonjun looked at me questioningly. But then hesitantly let me go. I took another deep breath before placing my hands on Yeonjun's shoulders. I had never head my head shout 'no' so loudly.

No, no, no, again and again, but my heart was beating so hard against my chest that it pushed me forward. Further and further until Yeonjun came to sit on his butt and I sat on my knees in front of him, a little unsteadily. Yeonjun's eyes stared at me questioningly. His hair was a little tangled, thanks to my hands that had dug into his hair seconds before. My hands slowly fell from his shoulders before I couldn't hold his gaze any longer and let my forehead fall against his. My eyes fell on his lips as I hesitantly chewed on mine.

My fingertips flew over his pants and fumbled with his button.

"I don't have a condom with me." Yeonjun then whispered, making me raise my forehead again.

Our eyes locked: "I didn't mean to do that."

Yeonjun's eyes flinched briefly as I undid his button and pulled down his jeans zipper.

"I thought you regretted everything." Yeonjun whispered and I had to giggle.

"Believe me, I do." I mumbled and now it was Yeonjun who laughed.

"You're making other suggestions." He murmured and I felt his hand on my cheek. I jumped slightly because his touch was surprisingly gentle. I froze in my tracks when it didn't take long for his lips to touch mine.

The kiss was different...soft, calm...almost loving. Unlike the feeling I knew from his lips on mine, something different spread inside me. A warm feeling that didn't ignite my insides like usual, but instead covered my body like warm, gentle waves.

I could taste myself on his tongue.

Meanwhile, my hand became independent by shamelessly disappearing under Yeonjun's jeans and cupping his erection over his underwear.

I immediately noticed how Yeonjun's whole body tensed up. Shortly afterwards he broke away from me. I opened my eyes a little and saw the thread of saliva still connecting our mouths.

"Damn, I'd like a blow job now." Yeonjun muttered and I had to laugh.

"What if I tell you that's exactly what I plan to do?"

Yeonjun started to smile. His white, perfect teeth flashed at me.

He was really hard under my palm but before I could even get into a comfortable position, we heard voices from outside the dance studio.

We didn't exchange a word, not even a glance, before we scurried apart and straightened our clothes as quickly as possible.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

I had completely forgotten that this room was public.

Luckily, I got my pants on surprisingly quickly. Just in time before three young men came into the room.

I noticed that my underwear wasn't really sitting in the right place, as the men looked between me and Yeonjun.

Please don't let me be red in the face.

A quick look over at Yeonjun showed me that his hair was still pretty tangled.

"Sorry, we didn't know the studio was occupied." The smallest of the men spoke up. That finished me off. In a split second I jumped up. All eyes immediately turned to me.

"No! We're done!" I said and tried my best to appear as neutral as possible.

"Come on, Yeonjun!" I said and looked down at him.

Yeonjun looked up at me. It was obvious that he was having some trouble coming to terms with the loss of the thought of my mouth around him.

Come on Yeonjun, don't let what just happened get to you too much!

"Yes…Yes!" He finally said and stood up too. He grabbed our jackets and ski pants while I crawled back into my boots.

"Okay, thanks." Another man in the group said as Yeonjun and I pushed past them.

"No problem, have fun!" Yeonjun shouted to them when I just wanted to get out of here. I prayed that they didn't notice anything.

"That was close!" Yeonjun said, running close behind me. Taking our clothes in front of him to hide his erection as much as possible.

Oh man, Sumi! Did this almost happen again?!

We made our way through the gym and into the lobby.

"Luckily it wasn't our parents." Yeonjun said and I froze on the spot. Yeonjun couldn't stop as quickly as he ran into me.

"Hey! Don't just stand still suddenly!" He protested as he took two steps away from me again.

He was right! What if those were our parents?! They would smell what had just happened from three miles away.

Again...it almost happened again.

God, I got involved with him again.

"What? My room is still a little away." Yeonjun circled around me and came to a stop in front of me.

My eyes traveled up to him, then down to my things in his arms.

"Yeonjun, I'm definitely not coming up with you now." I whispered and reached for my things. Yeonjun looked at me questioningly.

"Why not?" He asked and I let out an exhausted breath. My shoulders slumped as I took my things from his arms.

Immediately afterwards, Yeonjun grabbed my ski pants that I had just taken: "Are you serious? Come on, we just had so much fun."

"We have to stop this, what if it really had been our parents?" I asked and Yeonjun slumped a little so I could take my pants out of his grasp.

"But they wasn't." Yeonjun said as I walked past him.

"Yeonjun! I'm definitely not going to discuss this here! We both know this is wrong!" I brought the facts to the table.

I gave the man at the reception a smile as I walked toward the elevators.

"Who says it's wrong?! You just seemed like you wanted it too!" Yeonjun protested, still behind me.

"Shut up! Do you want the whole hotel to know?!" I growled back.

"What? That you like what we do together?" He grumbled. I stopped after I pressed the elevator button. It was a miracle that there was no one in the hallway at the moment.

"Are you nuts?! Keep quiet!" I swore as I spun around to face him.

"Fuck, why can't you just admit that you don't regret it and not be so damn compli-"

I slapped my hand over Yeonjun's mouth as the elevator opened and I saw the outlines of people standing in the elevator.

Yeonjun's gaze wandered from me to the elevator and his eyes became so big that I was afraid they would immediately fall out.

"Sumi?" Someone asked behind me and I froze. The voice was more then familiar to me.

I turned around and saw my father. He looked at me in surprise while I felt Yeonjun's hand on mine over his mouth. He pulled my hand from its place while my fathers gaze shifted to Yeonjun.

He recognized him in a split second and his vision went dark. Shortly afterwards, my father grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him.

"What are you doing here!? Can't you let my daughter enjoy her vacation?! Leave her alone!" My father growled as he dragged me into the elevator like a little child and pressed a button.

"You and your family don’t have an ounce of decency, do you?! Go back to where you came from!" My father shouted at Yeonjun, who was left more than confused when the elevator doors closed.

As the elevator started moving, my father turned to me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Sumi, are you okay? What did he want again?!" my father asked. I was probably still as confused as Yeonjun looked when he was last seen.

What had just happened?

"Everything OK? Did he do something to you?" my father asked again, followed by a small shake of my shoulder.

"No...no dad...I", I brushed his hands off my shoulders and took a deep breath, "I'm fine. I just ran into him in the hallway."

"Thank God I was just here! That asshole can’t leave you alone, can he?”

I rolled my eyes. The constant cursing about the Choi's was getting on my nerves .

“Dad, I’m not a little kid anymore, I know how to get rid of Yeonjun!” I said and my fathers eyes got a little bigger.

"Yeah... sorry. I always forget that you're actually an adult." My father laughed and I joined in as an actress.

*

Darkness enveloped me, there was dead silence but I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't even close as I nervously bit my fingernails and stared into black empty space. After I had dinner with my parents, I went back to my room and watched a movie, but I didn't notice much of it. My mind was still racing about the moment in the dance studio and the little argument with Yeonjun. It wasn't the first time I had fought with Yeonjun, so why did I feel like...a bad feeling deep down inside me?

Come on Sumi! Stop thinking about the idiot! You leave here tomorrow and don't have to endure him anymore for the time being.

Of course it must be confusing for Yeonjun that I once seemed that I liked it…and then said I didn't. He must probably think he is a rapist. Of course he wasn't…and of course I kinda liked it. But that had to stop!

No more!

No more regretting, no more confusion and no more getting involved with sexual stuff. Especially not with Yeonjun!

Eventually I was able to fall asleep...but I woke up once an hour and tossed and turned like a restless dog.

The night was long and hard, so I shuffled around like a walking death the next day.

I then fell asleep again in the car, which really surprised my parents. But at least I was out of the hotel now, which to me was more like a cage. I just wasn't used to being so close to Yeonjun anymore. And the fact that we had done such dirty things together didn't help either.

The vacation stressed me out more than my studies…great, actually I really needed a break of that.

Next Chapter:

Read on Wattpad:

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Saw this and decided to do it myself... Obviously no one tagged me. As I carry on procrastinating the final chapter of HYGTG, lemme do this 😂 Also gonna change from AO3 to Tumblr 😊.

1. How many works do you have on Tumblr?

I've got 21 works, majority of them are Enhypen smaus and then there's the few one shots/Imagines. And my longest fanfic which is Invisible a Han Seojun fanfic.

2. What's your total Tumblr word count?

So this is just counting Invisible and the one shots Ive written, 41k... Majority of that is Invisible

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Kpop, specifically the group Enhypen. I add Harry Potter into that.

4. Top five fics by Notes?

Invisible at the top with the masterlist having 649 notes... Ngl seeing this makes me want to rewrite Invisible...

Unexpected Partners has 468 notes. Which makes sense, my Jungwon fics tend to be quite popular.

Peace has 365 notes. This was my first Enha & Harry Potter fic. I do love this one.

You Belong With Me has 337 notes. Another Harry Potter AU with a Jungwon redemption arc...

The Second Choice has 307 notes. Another Jay smau but this one is a Office Au with a toxic bestie.

Honestly apart from Invisible and Unexpected Partners being top 1 and 2, I wasn't expecting any of the other ones on this list.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yep, I wish I got more comments but I always reply to the comments I do get.

Shout out to @shinkenprincess-oh for always commenting <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am very much against angsty endings. Happy endings all the way.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All my fics have happy endings so I don't even know which one has the happiest ending...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Havent gotten any yet and I dont want to get hate either please.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope and I never will.

10. Craziest crossover?

I guess constantly mixing Harry Potter with kpop is as crazy as my crossovers get.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully no but I'd like for it to not happen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope but I am open to it if anyone interested.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, that would be interesting to do though.

14. All time favorite ship?

Okay so thats a hard one... I'm gonna go with my top 4.

Harmione {Harry Potter and Hermione Granger}. I am a diehard Harry and Hermione shipper. I just love them so much.

Olicity {Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak}. I was shipping them from the moment Felicity was introduced on the show.

Damianette {Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Damian Wayne}. All my knowledge of DC has come from reading Maribat fics and I do not regret that in the slightest.

Rogan {Rory Gilmore and Logan Huntzberger}. They will forever be my ultimate ship. In my headcanon they ended up together happily ever after.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Its more like whats an idea that I actually want to write... Its a hard one cause I have so many ideas running about in my head that very few of them actually make it to being published...

16. What are your writing strengths?

I guess coming up with backstories for my characters? Making people care even though you are only seeing the story through texts and tweets? Character development and growth?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Haha... Everything?

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I think its quite interesting but I would like a translation somewhere so that I at least know whats been said. Unless its important to the plot then its fine.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Technically it was Pixelberry Choices Mobile Games stories(? dunno what else to call them) specifically I wrote for High School Story and High School Story Class Act. I have since deleted those fics from my tumblr and Wattpad, they are still on AO3 but I've orphaned them.

Invisible my True Beauty fic is the one that I count as the first fandom I wrote in.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I legitimately cant pick one, so shameless plug for whoever comes across this to check out my Enhypen Masterlist and True Beauty Masterlist.

Whoever wants to do this, go and have fun cause I have no idea who to tag...

[dayz-ina-daze]

hey op your post about aita phone bill. i apologise if this is forward, please understand i am reaching out out of concern and not to upset you or be disrespectful at all. 🙏

your descriptions about your parents worry me as it sounds like they are engaging in abusive behaviour. i have chronic migraine and my parent did the same actions as your parent (dependent on them, feeling 'in debt' to parent for all the help they gave me ("i pay for all this, and i'm sick too"), guilted for spending maybe $30 on myself, etc) and it was only as i got older (23, 24) that i realised there was abuse.

but i also acknowledge our illnesses are different and that you are in a situation where you cannot yet be on your own and so have to 'make do'. please continue talking with your therapist because they may help come up with strategies to deal with some of the abuse-like behaviour that seems to be happening. once you have your chair, i strongly suggest you continue saving in case of emergency (in case you have to rush to move out or similar), i really hope things improve for you.

there are 'work from home' jobs online that you can do from a laptop/computer such as data entry or transcripting where you wont need to stand. if you havent already, i also suggest reaching out to others with pots who could provide help, tips, advice, and support and understanding of what you are going through. there are tumblr users with pots who trained their dog to alert them before an episode (so they dont faint/sit down before the episode), maybe there is a pots crowd fund to help you get your chair? is there somewhere we could donate to help you??

remember: do not let them guilt you into thinking you are broken or costing them 'their time, money, effort, life' etc... they are parents, they should be rising above that. it is not your fault illnesses cost money to treat, that disability is not often considered by others in the world - it is NOT your fault you are unwell 💖

I’m aware that I’m being abused… I’ve come to terms with it. It’s hard even accepting that, of course, because I love my parents, and most days they’re wonderful people… But I’ve had to learn that even if they’re good people, they aren’t good parents in the slightest, and I have to differentiate between the two. Perhaps even that isn’t true, but it’s just what I tell myself in the hopes that someday they’ll see all the damage they’ve done and feel remorse and regret.

Also as a byproduct of how I was raised, I physically can’t accept “handouts” — even if I know it’s for my own betterment. I want to work for what I earn, so I can never be accused of being lazy or a leech like my parents so often imply. My parents have a dog that’s already trained to be something of a diabetic alert dog, although unofficially, and he often alerts to me at times as well, though for different reasons related to my POTS (I’m hypoglycemic as well, plus fistfuls of other diagnoses). I’m still saving up, though what I have isn’t much. I have some support in place, and I’ve been trying to integrate myself into more POTS support systems (I lost almost an entire year of my life just to recovering from when it initially hit me, so I admit I’m a bit slow to the uptake), I’m reaching out to doctors and therapists and anyone who can help…

For now I just. Have to wait.

If you’re able to offer me even a penny, I’ve got KoFi and other money apps to that regard, and in return, I’m happy to provide sketches or full on art pieces of whatever you’d like!! Though I understand if some are hesitant to take those routes. My friends are coaxing me to the idea of starting a GoFundMe, but it feels like a “cheap” way out, and that I’m not able to pay back such kindness, so I’m hesitant. Like I said: I want to work for what I get, in any way I can.

And truly, thank you for this… It’s nice to hear I’m not crazy for thinking the way I’m treated is wrong. This didn’t upset me, but it surely made me cry just knowing that some strangers on the internet are so kind. Thank you, sincerely. <3