#i dont think it will be a problem in my family but with my extended family i cant be 100% sure

[a-rock-at-the-bottom-of-a-river]

I think one of the hardest things about having a qpr is what you tell people about it. I recently became official queer platonic partners with someone and we've agreed we will tell our close friends, and if strangers ask us if we're dating we'll just say yes because it's easier and I don't want to come out as aromantic to people I don't know well.

The really complicated thing is what we'll tell our families. My partner has their own situation so I'll just talk about mine. Right now my family knows we are best friends and a couple of them know that we were friends with benefits. I have three options. The first is the truth: I don't want to come out to my family as aro, I'm not ready yet. My sister has said before that she both doesn't believe that aromanticism is a thing and she doesn't think platonic partnerships work out long term, so it would be very difficult and I don't think I or our relationship will be accepted and understood.

The second is lying and saying that we are dating and in a romantic relationship. This would make both of us uncomfortable, and it would mean I would be completely lying about my identity and feelings. My sister has been questioning me a lot about my feelings towards my partner and insisting that we really feel romantically for each other, so if I lied and told her we were dating she'd be very smug and I would hate it. Just the thought of it is awful.

The third option is lying again and just continuing to say we are best friends with benefits. This feels wrong because I feel like it's downplaying how important my partner is to me and the kind of relationship we have. People are already suspicious, so I don't think that explanation would hold up for long and it's already hard to explain without outing myself. We are planning that my family will meet my partner in the summer, and we do behave like a couple so we would definitely be questioned if I go with this option.

I really don't know what to do, and when you consider my extended family it becomes even more complicated. Sometimes I remember those posts that made fun of qprs and said that "it's just best friends haha cringey ace aro people" and it makes me so mad. It's more than that, and I feel that this struggle proves that. It's giving me a lot of anxiety, if anyone has advice I would really really appreciate it.

[littlestpersimmon]

I dont have a support system after my cousin moved away, I don't I really don't. Whenever I reach out to anyone online I'd get told to seek a therapist, or seek more and new friends when my problem is that I am not getting love and affirmation that I need from them. What am I spposed to do. I seek therapy I seek human connection, why do my already existing friends think this way of me? It feels juvenile to say all the things I jst said but I feel totally unnecessary to the world. So many of my relatives tried to "arrange" a marriage with me by saying they will fund my immigration to America so I can find more work opportunities to help with the cancer yreatment of my two close relatives in our extended family but then they will randomly say "yes but you habe to marry this man you have never met and is also 15 years older than you." I can't stip crying, no matter what I do, I sold my bike, I sold some of my books and I'm taking in s many commissions, I've reached out to so many people in my life, I've been irritating everyone, I've been posting so many things on timblr, I've exhausted all my options, I've went to every clinic in manila, I go tonsleep crying, I wake up crying, I text people crying, I work I'm crying. I don't want to marry this guy, I want mybcousin back, please come home..please come home. I want my friends back, why is this happening to me HaShem?! What did I do for things to end this way for me?? My face hurts, my back hurts, my wrists hurts, please tell me things will get better, I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Please God please please please.

[mudpuddless]

I saw a couple tags with king Halt AU and I am interested now 👀 (if you need someone to blab to about this)

okay. listen. i was rereading the early years and halt rescues duncan but refuses to call him highness and duncan gets mad, the canon dialogue is pretty much just,

halt: you-

duncan: YOUR HIGHNESS

halt : i preffer to be called halt, actually

(this is the base idea: this scene is doubly funny if halt were also crown prince)

so picture halt swimming back to shore after ferris tries to kill him and deciding actually he doesn't want this idiot in charge of his country.

halt has had about four years of ranger training on top of royal battleschool at this point and ships ferris of to the countryside, names Caitlyn as his successor to the throne and convinces his father that he should aide araluen (read: the rangers who kept pritchard informed) for diplomacy reasons.

his father thinks this will be a good lesson in war craft for the crown prince and sends him on his way.

halt and Crowley meet in the inn just like in canon while pritchard, who travelled with halt to araluen, makes his way to berrigan who was his main contact and then the plot kicks off (canon slightly to the left) halt is still halt but with the full authority of the clonmel crown behind him. he just doesn't tell people. surely this won't result in any silly situations.

big change might be that daniel, who still dies, asks halt to look for his wife, who is heavily pregnant and halt goes to find her, but presented with a baby who has no living relatives he knows of he just takes baby will and disappears him to Hibernia? Caitlyn loves her nephew. halt insist that will is not his son. will is absolutely his son and no one will be convinced otherwise.

halts father/ the king of clonmel declares Will fourth in line to the throne bc what else are you supposed to do when your heir goes to fight a war for eighteen months and returns with a baby. the king isn't an idiot, halt.

i want at least one scene where an invitation is extended to the Hibernian kings for princess Cassandras first birthday and Caitlyn shows up to represent clonmel and bonds with crowley bc they have a similar sense of humour (compatible with halt). crowley refers to halt only by "Arratay" and Caitlyn only by "my brother". they think the two should meet though crowley thinks halt doesn't know how to behave in the presence of royalty.

this would be even funnier if it was cralt/craltine (geometrically accurate love triangle my beloved) bc crowley is fawning over halt and Caitlyn unknowingly sets them up by encouraging crowley to tell his friend how he feels.

at least one scene would be halt and crowley visiting Crowleys family which is big and loud. halt is immediately a favourite of Crowleys kid sister who thinks he is the funniest person who ever lived. halt is stumped by this

the rangers are also 100% the queerest group of people in the entire country. berrigan and Leander are established and not subtle about it. at least one person is only referred to by ranger, never by any pronouns. this is never remarked upon.

the problem im still trying to figure out is how I can merge canon post TEY. halt returns to clonmel bc he has to check on his family and also bc, yk, the infant he now cares for and virtually disappears from araluen. crowley and pauline are upset bc they dont know what happened. this would be even funnier if this was craltine and they just had a highly emotional moment and then the final battle happens and suddenly halt is gone and no one knows where.

if this was really cracky they would tag along as security/diplomacy detail for duncan when he is invited to halts coronation but then again, we're not catholic so I might as well. could be fun

feel free to add anything you might find funny/devastating etc.

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

so wow downfall

There's like a weird... contradiction, right? Because on one hand, like Cassida was like, "am I supposed to understand you or am I supposed to find you inscrutable?"

and thats valid of her

because on one hand, the might of the gods smiting down aeor was championed by how much Better they are than the wizards, how much Power they had compared to mortals, how they are GODS beyond mortal ken

and on the other hand, we see them as squabbling siblings that seem familiar - a family just like ours - with bonds that resemble any bonds on earth, perfectly recognizable and relatable

but i know squabbling siblings, i know messy family relationships, and the idea that i would let any of my more outrageous family members take care of an ant farm - much less reality as a whole - is deeply, deeply frightening

thats a recipe for disaster. mortal-like behavior is fine if the splash zone of consequences are broken homes, broken bonds, broken memories. but if the splash zone is like... reality itself... yeah guys, im gonna need you to lock it the fuck in

with great power comes great responsibility - yeah you know what, i am absolutely going to hold the gods to a higher standard and expect them to behave better than a regular family reunion - why? because the consequences get Fucking Dire if they squabble

im not sure that i understand why people think that portraying gods as mortal like makes them better? like the mortals didnt get a say who the gods were so likewise cant make a say ablut how gods meddle - like... bro nations were formed from wars started on behalf of remote authorities that the soldiers no longer recognized as authorities

no fucking wonder everyone rebelled against the gods. aeor was oppenheimer and hamilton imho.

the Divine Gate makes sense now tho... the gods broke their oaths and theyre going to play fair this once and agree to leave - im with the lawbearer...

theres literally so many myths everywhere about how gods with powers beyond mortal ken, yet acting like mortals, only means strife and destruction

sure it makes for a compelling story but im not convinced that divine power is any better in the gods hands than it would be to a crazy guy like luda - i dont want luda to have that power but neither am i convinced the gods should have it

honestly im team laerryn, lets be fucking neighbors with the gods - oh theyre so fucked up with their family problems? you know what they could use? counseling - you know what they need to get counseling? a bigger support network that doesnt consist only of people they have history with - you know who could easily fill the space of a support network (if only they were seen as more than children)? the mortal world

having the prime deities be dutch ovened into these toxic relationships with the betrayers is also - i gotta say - not fucking great. if the only company that i could keep, with whom i could speak freely, was my extended family, i would go nuts!! if theyre as mortal like as mortals, theyre hurting themselves by having such a closed social ring

laerryn was right - tearing down the divide between mortals and divinity is the only way

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

About "the whole family is invited at TTC". I think it was a reference to Lady Gabriella who was apparently invited by Charles on what would be her first public appearance since her husband's passing. My opinion is it means the wider family is invited, not only the usual Yorks, Tindalls, Philips, in part to gather around and support Gabriella. I dont think it's about Harry and Meghan at all.

Yes, I agree with you there - but given how the Sussexes have been demanding a relationship with the BRF (for instance, Harry’s tantrum via veterans/Invictus Games about the BRF not attending the anniversary service or other events) and given how they’ve used PR to insert themselves into other BRF events (for instance, complaining about how they learned of Kate’s health issues from television) - it’s incredibly unusual that the Sussexes haven’t run with “the whole family” for their usual “will they/won’t they” PR. The Queen did that in 2021 and the Sussexes were all over it back then, even when they knew they probably weren’t going to make it because of a new baby.

And yes, I agree, “the whole family” is for the larger extended family. There’s been a few articles recently that indicated Charles potentially wants to go back to the full balcony under Queen Elizabeth. As for why:

Some people think it’s because he needs to show the youth in the line of succession since of the 11 working royals, only 4 are 60 or younger and one of those 4 is undergoing cancer treatment. It’s not an inspiring look at the monarchy’s future when most of the balcony is elderly.

Others think that if the whole family is there, then he can get Camilla’s family back on the balcony because if the irrelevant Kents (Prince Michael’s branch of the family), Chattos, and Armstrong-Joneses are there, then no one will care that much if Camilla’s slightly-more-relevant family is there.

Andrew still remains a problem - William threatened to pull out of Garter Day events if Andrew attended a couple years ago and he pulled out of Constantine’s service of thanksgiving (yes, admittedly for a reason other than Andrew, but that was still a choice).

Charles can’t have everyone on the balcony, except the Duke of York. Especially minor royals with a lesser status than him - like Tindalls, Kents, Gloucesters, and Snowdons.

And likewise, Charles can’t have the Duke of York there but not the Prince of Wales. It’s bad enough that the Princess of Wales probably isn’t going to be there, and with her assumed absence is the will they/won’t they of George, Charlotte, and Louis; it’s unthinkable if the Prince of Wales isn’t there and not only would William’s absence would completely consume the entire media cycle, it would also put Kate’s health and all the rumors/conspiracy theories back in the spotlight for a good week.

Charles has to make cuts on the balcony somewhere and unfortunately, I think it’s going to be at the Yorkies’ expense. Andrew is the bad apple that spoiled it for everyone.

But we’ll see. It’s only 2 weeks away.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that separates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since income is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

[thepro-lifemovement]

I would be interested in where you got your 95% of biologists agree from...

There is no definition of life, by the general checklist, fire is alive.

And if you mean by single cell organisms as life again this is disputed by the fact that many don't consider viruses to be alive. By the same logic cancer cells is also alive, as are many veg we eat, I assume you wouldn't embrace that?

I would also question where your pro life stance extends to all life or just unborn human life.

It's your choice to be anti abortion, that is your choice, but don't peddle inaccuracies. Abortions save lives. And please don't pretend you are prolife unless you care for all life, bugs, spiders... humans are the largest cause of extinction, I would assume you are anti human?

I dont mean to come off aggressive, I know how it will read, but this stance causes harm beyond your own experience, I'm sure of that else your view would be more sympathetic, and you language would be better aligned to your message.

You have the right to choose to not have an abortion, don't push for the loss of choice of others please, because that's ultimately all we have here on Earth, choice.

Don't try to take away choice, because what goes around comes around. Obviously you can choose to ignore me. But please consider it.

I would be happy to talk more if you wish.

Alex

Hello there.

I got the data from here:

And there is a definition on life. There are criteria that must be met for something to be considered "alive" for living organisms.

All living organisms share several key characteristics or functions: order, sensitivity or response to the environment, reproduction, growth and development, regulation, homeostasis, and energy processing.

If you would like an in-depth explanation for why an unborn child is considered a living human organism as early as the zygote stage, it is explained very well here:

My pro-life stand extends to all human life. I view all human life as valuable and believe no one, not even the government, has the right to take your life away from you. Abortion does not save lives. Women do not need abortion. Whenever you look into the reasons women die during pregnancy, those problems are not treated with abortion. They're usually resolved with early delivery of the baby. I am against elective abortion. Meaning I am against procedures that intend to end the life of the unborn child.

You do not understand what it means to be "pro-life." I do care about the ecosystem, but I value human beings more than plants or animals. That does not mean that I don't value plants or animals.

I think the pro-life view is more sympathetic than the pro-abortion or pro-choice one because we actually care about mothers and their families. We care about what happens to women and their children. We have organizations and facilities that support women through their pregnancy and motherhood. We advocate for mothers and their children. That's something I feel is lacking in the pro-choice movement because all I see them really caring about is access to abortion, even when it allows women to continue being sex trafficked and allows abortion facilities to get away with failing to report it. Women deserve better health care. We deserve so much better than abortion. As a women, I have already experienced discrimination with OBGYNs and doctors when it comes to my reproductive health. My family have experienced discrimination from doctors this year when it came to their pregnancy complications. Doctors do not take our concerns seriously and that is a huge issue we need to address and fix.

Choices are generally good, until it becomes someone else's duty to die. Your choice to abuse or harm someone is not good and I am allowed to fight against that. I would hope you would agree with that. We cannot just allow people to get away with intentionally harming or killing people because "it's their choice, it's their life." Every human being has the right to life, and that is the most important right that we have. It trumps all other rights. Without this right, we have nothing. And no one has the right to intentionally take the life of another human being.

-Sarah

[suffarustuffaru]

my feelings on certain otto [redacted] flags in arc 8 👍

heyyy so this is gonna have major spoilers so ill put it under the cut 👍👍 again, this is all my opinion so youre perfectly welcome to disagree <3

ok so. i dont know if this is controversial to say or not but i dont think otto should actually permadie. instead, i think that he should have a fakeout death (also you know, deaths that get reversed by rbd if you want to go that route too). but not a PERMANENT one.

and ok i know anyone whos looked at my blog content lately would probably be like “oh you dont want him to die for real because hes one of your favorite characters ever???” and like no yeah, but its not that im opposed to punishing my favorites. im opposed to otto permadying because i feel like him permadying would be spitting on the purpose of both his character and certain themes in rezero.

otto is a very sacrificial person. hes a lot like subaru—he is willing to die for his loved ones. he would sacrifice anything, including himself. all of ottos deaths in rezero so far are reflected in that. he dies in arc 3 because he goes back to save subaru after pushing him out of the wagon in the white whale loop but he dies on the way back. he dies in arc 4 because he pushes subaru out of the way and gets killed by garfiel. otto writes a suicide note in arc 4 before confronting garfiel because hes perfectly willing to die for subaru. ottos been going on a darker path now, because now we know his absolute sacrificial loyalty extends to letting entire countries die, letting people subaru cares about die (louis/spica), and opposing subaru to the point where otto deems it his “reason for being”—aka his reason to be in vollachia, his reason to be in the emilia camp, and his reason to exist and live. otto is set up for a collision course with subaru, and this wont be ending well for him.

ottos faced consequences for his actions in the past—when him bringing the tome into priestella caused the siege, he was severely injured and left bedridden. this was a personal consequence for his actions there. but he hasnt faced any lasting consequences yet, especially when hes fully convinced that he himself knows whats best and is doing the “right” thing, and so hes perfectly set up to have lasting consequences at some point in the future. hes the perfect candidate for a permadeath, even—the arc 7 side stories brought him closure to the plot point of him being exiled from his hometown, and hes someone whos death will create ripple effects from his family and marone (who’ve featured in various side stories as well), the emilia camp (both as a friend and internal affairs minister), and subaru most of all (who, well, has rbd and is determined to save everyone, as we know, and subaru is aware of the possibility of otto ending up like chisha).

but i still have problems with otto dying permanently.

otto permadying punishes everyone around him more than it punishes HIM, the latter of which has been the buildup for his entire arc. otto permadying would only really have that as a narrative purpose—punishing the people otto cares about, particularly subaru. thats ALL that would be accomplished out of an otto permadeath when a fakeout death would not only still get the emotional impact across but also be a better writing choice in general.

as ive said, otto is prone to sacrifice. otto is prone to self-sacrifice on top of that. he always has been since his debut in arc 3. the way hes most likely to die is and always has been through self-sacrifice, especially for subaru, and especially since ottos death flags are a parallel to chisha (who died to save vincent). otto also parallels subaru a lot. more specifically, his current arc follows similar beats to arc 4 subaru or even greed if subaru - otto is, frankly, a control freak who thinks he knows best, refuses help from anyone else, and is self-destructive. but subaru gets called out by the narrative in arc 4 for going down this path, and greed if shows the complete consquences of this (aka - greedbaru ends up dehumanizing everyone, including himself, and tramples over other people's free will). so why is subaru allowed to learn the value of his life and continue trying to grapple with that lesson over the next couple arcs while ottos arc goes down the same path as subaru's but has the potential to end up with him ultimately dying?

then again - yeah, subarus the main character. and yeah, otto permadying wraps up his arc and character in a nice little bow. it's had a lot of buildup and would be a very perfect tragic character arc for him. however it is 1. i personally find this to be the more boring choice in a series where characters can die and come back to life, especially for a crucial side character to subaru like otto and 2. this is the more straightforward predictable choice given the Numerous Obvious Hints that something bad will happen to otto, namely permadeath, and 3. i think that the amount of characters being fridged for subarus character development should be kept to a minimum. we've already seen this with rem being gluttonyed. and being fridged for subaru's character development is something that otto would be very fine and happy with, so again, this is punishing everyone around him more than its punishing otto. ottos character arc buildup does suggest that he'll have to face consequences eventually. him permadying is not the most interesting narrative consequence that could happen imo, and given his parallels to subaru, i feel that this would not serve as a reflection of how otto is a dark parallel to subaru. otto permadying would be less a reflection and a warning to subaru and more so just otto winning over subaru in a story that supports subaru choosing companionship and trying to save everyone.

"what do you mean 'otto winning over subaru'?" otto is, again, a dark mirror to subaru. otto values his loved ones over everyone else, and he is willing to pay any price to save his loved ones. he is willing to destroy everyone else for their sake, and in arc 8, he has always tried to choose the more ruthlessly logical and practical choice over the morally right one that subaru embodies. otto goes nope, lets leave vollachia for dead but only take the people subaru cares about while subaru insists on saving everyone, as he always has tried to do since ARC 1. ottos even warned subaru in arc 8 - what happens if someone very close to subaru, like anyone in the emilia camp, gets hurt or dies all because they decided to stay in vollachia? otto permadying, especially as a result of the vollachia conflict, proves him right all along. that they shouldve chosen the more practical option over the morally right one. which i feel that would kind of miss the whole point of the STORY ITSELF supporting subaru trying to save everyone while holding onto hope and stayed determined since, again, ARC 1.

"but subaru needs to learn that he cant save everyone, and otto permadying would be a good way to show this." yeah. thats true. subaru needs to learn that he cant forgive and redeem everyone, subaru needs to learn that some things are just unavoidable, and that some things cant be forgiven. otto is very against subarus ideology to the point where hes decided his whole reason for being is to be against subaru. otto dying is very fitting, and if he does permadie, he'd represent the friend and loved one that you cant save - the friend that you try to help, refuses your help, and then ends up destroying themselves. its a very realistic, human thing. but 1. again, i think characters being fridged for subaru should be kept to a minimum bc the whole point of rezero is that they are ALL people with their own lives and 2. again, ottos parallels to subaru make this a little. odd, for lack of a better term. 3. subaru has other chances to learn that he cant save everyone, because ultimately the otto subaru conflict needs a middle ground.

so 1. about fridging characters for subarus development. again, its not as if you cant kill or hurt characters for another character. you can still do this. but i think this should be kept to a minimum - or at least have more than just "subaru will learn a lesson from this" as the narrative purpose behind it. subaru over the course of the entire main route learns that the people around him are just that - PEOPLE. not npcs or anything like that. and now once we get to arc 8, he has a lot of empathy for others. hes quick to forgive, especially because hes seen so many people at both their worst and best, and many of the worst times happened in timelines that no longer exist ergo those people are no longer those people. this is especially poignant in a series with so many damn side stories and side characters each with their own complicated lore; these are people. they still have lives outside of subaru. fridging characters for subarus development, i think, kind of undermines this if thats the ONLY reason youre gonna kill or hurt them.

especially when it comes to permadeath. it isnt a writing choice you can make lightly - especially in a series where, again, characters die and come back. so 2. given how much otto parallels subaru and his perpetual struggle with valuing life and valuing himself, neither of which otto values unless its his loved ones (and even then otto is willing to emotionally devastate them if it means theyre safe), i think an otto permadeath would kind of. undermine subarus struggle in that sense, imo - because otto is struggling with almost the EXACT SAME THING.

would it be interesting if subaru has to see otto end up permanently dying for similar reasons that subaru often dies for? would it be interesting if subaru has to see otto destroying himself in ways that hit a little too close to home? yeah. it would. and it WOULD continue that ongoing motif of otto mirroring subaru in the darkest ways. subaru has to look at otto and see not just himself, but see that he could end up like otto. but i think that this is ALREADY happening. subaru seeing the parallels with him and otto will happen, if it hasnt already, and it sure can happen without killing otto permanently. if otto tries to sacrifice himself and fails to do so, subaru can still see this and be impacted by it. if a fake otto death happens, subaru will still be destroyed by it. and of course, eventually subarus bound to figure out ottos thoughts and plans regarding louis/spica, along with everything else going on in ottos brain right now. theres no need to kill otto for good when all of the emotional weight behind it is still possible in many other ways without undermining subarus character development - because otto is going through very similar character development. and again, otto would be HAPPY to die for subarus sake. calling out subaru while letting otto do the same thing as subaru would feel a bit. odd. to me.

and 3. yeah. subaru has other chances to learn that he cant save everyone. he has multiple chances, in fact, and this already started with rem being gluttonyed at the end of arc 3/start of arc 4 (along with injuries that occurred in the white whale fight + crusch being gluttonyed). subaru learned that sometimes terrible things can happen and rbd wont be able to reverse it because his save point updated to AFTER it happened, and rem was a good example of this because she was the person he was closest to at the time. this continues on later, too - the injuries that happen in priestella, for one (such as the juukuliuses being gluttonyed, the dragon blood, numerous citizens, etc), along with subaru having to face this in vollachia when he tries to pull off his bloodless sieges and avoid as many citizen casualties as possible. or when he thinks about if todd can be redeemed only for todd to continue proving him wrong again and again. and this is on top of all the other people subaru befriends in vollachia, of course.

"but subaru needs a PERMANENT consequence." well, theres also the fact that subarus trying to save 50 million people, aka the entire population of vollachia right now, which is very much a herculean task. if he manages to save almost everyone but some citizens die, this would still get the point across. and if you need a bigger, more personal consequence to subaru than that - louis/spica is RIGHT THERE.

the current conflict over spica is already sowing the seeds for this, because this is a lasting, permanent conflict. people like julius and otto want spica dead and acknowledge that, given the amount of people she's hurt, that is the most likely scenario for her. people like the rest of the emilia camp acknowledge that spica is guilty, but that its difficult to punish her given her mental state right now and the fact that subaru and rem care about her. meanwhile subaru and rem themselves care for spica like a daughter and dont want her to be hurt or punished in any way. that being said, the louis/spica conflict - again, needs some kind of solution, and i dont think letting louis/spica scot-free is the right solution here from a writing perspective.

we already get robbed of an arc from louis in the sense that after she fucked around and found out (ie: experienced rbd for herself after messing with subaru), by start of arc 7 she just. became mostly a blank slate. of course its understandable that shes traumatized after experiencing rbd, but it is also kind of. a bummer. that we dont get an arc where she actually grows and changes gradually she just goes from Point A (pre-arc 7) to Point B (now having the mind of a toddler in arc 7+), but there is a slight intrigue to her now being a blank slate. how do you reconcile her past actions and past self with who she is now? is she still capable of doing those things she did before - is the person she was still in there? because you know, since she cant really communicate properly its hard to understand her straightforwardly too. but i dont think that louis should get off the hook - unlike many other people subaru has forgiven, she didnt grow. her past self basically got erased. and its not like all those people whove done things in other timelines that they wouldnt do now - things that ultimately only subaru was affected by because hes the one who knows and hes forgiven them of course. but louis? subaru and rem arent the only ones whove been hurt by her, theres SO MANY others whove been affected by louis and gluttony in general. every one of them has a say in what happens to louis, and her getting no consequences kind of misses the point.

that and. well, subaru can learn that he cant save everyone because 1. he is forgetting that he is not the only gluttony victim here ergo he is not the only one who has a say in what happens to louis and 2. if he sides with louis/spica over everyone else, this is going to have disastrous consequences for him. not just in the sense that you know, this is causing friction with his friends - and not even only in the sense that thisll cause a TON of uproar if this gets out publicly because again, a lot of people have been affected by gluttony - but also because theres the question of if that past louis is still there. or what happens if louis gluttonies someone on accident? or on purpose? can subaru still really side with her then? can he really save her when theres a LOT that shes done? and if someone like otto manages to kill louis and subaru is prevented from rbding - hes still going to be absolutely destroyed emotionally. spica is not freed from consequences just because subarus claimed her as his. and subaru is not freed from consequences after deciding to choose spica over many of his friends (julius is a BIG one, because subaru of all people knows how much julius - and joshua - were fucked over by gluttony). subaru cant save everyone. he has to learn that eventually, and spica is somewhere to start.

that being said, again, i dont want otto to win either when it comes to the vollachia arc in general. his habit of keeping secrets and doing things behind other people's backs and fading into the background whenever it suits him has gone on for a while, and he NEEDS to be called out for it. subaru and otto's moral dilemma conflict just needs to have a middle ground of some kind, and i really dont want ottos ruthless pragmatism to be the end all be all. but i also dont think subaru should win at EVERYTHING either, because his idealism needs to be reeled back a tiny bit. as it is in vollachia rn, its not sustainable and its not realistic. rezero is not a children's story about how no one dies and everyone's friends in the end, but it damn sure tries to be with its main route in the sense that the point is that you TRY to do that to the best of your ability. but if you cant - if youve exhausted all other possibilities and theres no other choice - then you just cant. the point isnt that you give up and abandon people to suffer and die. the point isnt that you hurt people on purpose either. the point isnt that you try to save EVERYONE even to everyones detriment. the point isnt that you try to be perfect and completely flawless at all times too, because thats not possible.

the point is that you do your best, try to save as many as you can, and thats enough.

"ok so if otto isnt permadying then how is he gonna get punished by his hubris???" easy. do EVERYTHING to hurt him shy of actually killing him permanently. that and like - if he decides to pull some shit similar to chisha and make a whole plan to sacrifice himself for subaru, but then he still lives afterwards... what do you do now? how do you live on now? thatd be more mortifying to him - living on and being emotionally vulnerable with everyone around him after planning to die - than ACTUALLY DYING. living and knowing all his loved ones see him as who he is in all his entirety - the good and bad and the really ugly - would, again, be a worse consequence for him than DYING. make him get close to death and then yank him back and youd get more interesting results than just straightforwardly killing him. because hes been planning for this since that time he wrote a suicide note in arc 4. if subaru doesnt get off the hook for this behavior, then otto narratively shouldnt.

therefore a fakeout death for otto would still get all the emotional weight and narrative punishment that a real death would, complete with being able to see the effect this has on subaru + ottos other loved ones. a fakeout death would be the perfect middle ground between a permadeath + letting otto live. and when otto comes back, he’ll still have to face consequences for his actions, including having to learn how to live for his loved ones, not die and sacrifice for them.

[xwiedzmax]

After a looong time of writing down, analyzing and editing, heres my analysis of the c!Sherbert playlist :] First, I wanna say, the songs that are in italic are unavailable on youtube, therefore hidden in the playlist, but theres an option to show unavaiable videos. marked them to avoid confusion (thats why theres 1 repeat song, some might be also out of order but im unsure) the order i wrote the songs down is: [title] - [artist] - [meaning] (songs from musicals/movies just say [title] from [name]) on some of the songs i was kinda unsure of their meaning, thats why theres question marks. basically means that i think thats their meaning, but im not 100% sure also one last note- this playlist is so well made- like the songs have such great meanings for the different arcs for Icarus, its so satisfying to listen to every song and see how it relates to Icarus :] anyways- time for the analysis Icarus - Bastille - Icarus [Wack/Quixis] Redesign Your Logo - Lemon Demon - wack, changing, Quixis Any Day Now - Bo Burnham - wackkkk & - Tally Hall - wack, changing, Quixis? Comb Attack - Jack Stauber - ..vibes?? Hungover in the City of Dust - Autoheart - Quixis? Mr Backwards - Jack Stauber - Quixis?? Never Meant to Know - Tally Hall - Ic vibes, Quixis Out of The Box - Jack Stauber - Ic vibes [Corruption] Digital Silence - Peter McPoland - Icarus, Quixis?, Fable/Gods, Corruption? (many ways to interpret) Under My Skin - Jukebox the Ghost - Corruption Able (Extended) - Jack Stauber - Corruption Mirror Man - Jack Stauber - Corruption Brass Goggles - Steam Powered Giraffe - Corruption, mainly Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Corruption, Momboo/Manipulation? [Icarus/Quixis] Gold - Imagine Dragons - Ic, Quixis, Wack Gold - Spandau Ballet - Icarus, them being positive, remembering s1?? Creature - Half•Alive - Icarus [Runaway Arc] Path to Isolation - Jeff Williams - Runaway arc, not remembering Bet On It from Highschool Musical 2 - Regret, wanting to remember? Problems - Mother Mother - Not remembering, runaway arc [Broters/Family] Two Birds - Regina Spector - eye duo s1 Family Line - Conan Gray - brothers (prince trio) Call Them Brothers - Regina Spector - brothers Brother - Kodaline - brother Rule #4 Fish in a Birdcage - Fish in a Birdcage - brothers Icarus - The Crane Wives - Icarus, brothers Family Jewels - MARINA - Morningstar Family, Icarus, young eye duo?? When the Day Met the Night - Panic! at The Disco - Isla, Fable and Enderian Icarus - Emma Blackberry - young Icarus?? s1?? I've Got You (Sherbert's Lullaby) - Zenni - young broters

[Sherb & Enderian/Momboo?]

Fine - Lemon Demon - early s1? My Eyes from Dr. Horribles Sing-Along Blog - Sherbert and Momboo, whisper duo If I Killed Someone For You - Alec Benjamin - Sherbert and Enderian (Sherbert and Momboo?) Laplace's Angel - Will Wood - Corruption (Enderian/Momboo?) [Corruption/OB/Whisper Duo]

Ways To Be Wicked from Descendants 2 - Corruption, OB Heathens - Twenty One Pilots - Corruption, OB, whisper duo?? I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE - Måneskin - Corruption, OB Twisted - NateWantsToBattle - Corruption, Sherbert to Enderian, OB? Ramalama (Bang Bang) - Róisín Murphy - Corruption Secret - The Pierces - Whisper duo Hawk in the Night - Madds Buckley - Whisper duo Sharks - Imagine Dragons - Corruption, OB? Lies - Will Jay - Corruption?? We Both Reached For The Gun - Richard Gere - Corruption? OB? Wolf in Sheep's Clothing - Set It Off - Corruption Play With Fire - Sam Tinnesz - Corruption Can't Stand The Rain - The Rescues - OB, Corruption Bust Your Knee Caps (Johnny Don't Leave Me) - PomplamooseMusic - no explanation behind it 6up 5oh Copout (Pro / Con) - Will Wood and the Tapeworms - Corruption, Prison Murders - Miracle Musical - Corruption? Nothing Left To Loose from Tangled - Corruption, DenialTM [S1 Finale] As The World Caves In - Matt Maltese - s1 finale What If Tomorrow Comes from Black Friday Musical - s1 fianle [S2 Beginning]

New Life - Alex Ernst - s2 beginning People I Don't Like - UPSAHL - s2 beginning Turn The Lights Off - Tally Hall - Sleepover?? s2 beginning? [Runaway Arc]

The Devil You Know - X Ambassadors - Lack of memories??? What Did I Do - The Correspondents - Remembering/runaway arc It's Not The Same Anymore - Rex Orange County - Runaway arc Could Have Been Me - The Struts - Remembering [Anger at Centross]

Brutus - The Buttress - Anger at Centross Absinthe - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Anger at Centross The Main Character - Will Wood - Anger at Centross/Thinking theyre in the right You're Not Welcome - Naethan Apollo - Anger at Centross Blood // Water - Grandson - Anger at Centross Lonely - Imagine Dragons - Regret/lonely?? Goner - Nicholas Podany - Angry at Centross??? [Regret]

Rock In God's Shoe - Sushi Soucy - trying to reach out to the gods? blaming them? no idea how to label this one- Moonsickness - Penelope Scott - Regret? Blaming themself? Is There Anybody Here? - The Dear Hunter - Regret, Haley Maybe Man - AJR - Regret? Wanting to be better/change? Chasing You - Capital Cities - Regret, Haley The Garden - The Crane Wives - Haley? New Eyes - Echos - Regret, wanting to change [Post Unlocked]

The Tornado - Owl City - s2 finale/unlocked/could be a few things Birds - Thomas Sanders - birb, silly happy Ic (post Unlocked) Look Who's Inside Again - Bo Burnham - post Unlocked Let Me Make You Proud - Tangled - wanting to impress Fable? thinking theyre in the right? wanting to revive Haley? wanting to revive Centross? d e n i a l? (so many fit this) the fruits - Paris Paloma - Fable, Quixis? Down The River - The Crane Wives - Angry at Quixis? Hero - Regina Spector - dont know [Post Cathedral] Can't Catch Me Now - Olivia Rodrigo - (seeing) Centross Do What You Gotta Do - Descendants - Fable manipulation The Cave - Mumford & Sons - Fable manipulation/Ic in denial Paid In Exposure - NateWantsToBattle - Fable manipultion Natural - Imagine Dragons - Fable manipulation Burning Pile - Mother Mother - After killing Haley Consequences - Lovejoy - Regret abt Centross Icarus - Luvbug - Regret abt Centross/Regret abt Haley The Bad Guy - Thomas Sanders - Regret abt Centross/Regret abt Haley Daniel in the Den? - Bastille - Regret abt Centross? Ruin - The Amazing Devil - Ic blaming themself Icarus & Apollo - Ripto - Prison duo, Centross dying 505 - Arctic Monkeys - After Centross death Show Yourself from Frozen - Seeing Centross, excited thinking Fable can revive people Still Feel - Half-Alive - Excited at Fables ideas? Denial? [Specific Line Tagging]

Machine - Imagine Dragons Suburbia Overture - Will Wood Enemy from Arcane The Search - NF Misery Fell - Tally Hall When You're An Addams from Addams Family Ready As I'll Ever Be from Tangled We Don't Talk About Bruno from Encanto The Cave - Mumford & Sons In My Blood from Journey to Bethlethem thank you for reading all of that, have a nice timezone :]

[weirdestcornelius]

do you have any info on your polly rewrite? they are one of my favs and i dont like how kc handled the char :(

Yep, I do! Sorry about the late response, if you couldn't tell I'm very tired.

Polly still has their TUC in the rewrite, but the illness also causes other problems for them. It still has problems with her emotions, but instead of them just not being there they're closer to being blunted. Quick to form, quick to leave. Polly has a hard time showing their emotions because of how quickly they disappear as well as how blunted and shallow they feel. It actually puts Polly in a lot of distress, because he worries that her friends don't actually think he loves them when in reality it does. One of the fics will actually include a part where they have a conversation with Finnegan about this.

It also causes pretty bad memory loss, so like in the original comic Polly keeps a notebook of important things to remember. She writes down the names of others and basic info on them, because when she first came to the hospital it wasn't rare that people had to reintroduce themselves to them. Polly's TUC does NOT cause people to be attracted to it, because in the rewrite pregnancy does exist and the heat retainment has been thrown out the window. This is mainly so the world actually feels more like ours and so reproductive related trauma can be experienced, along with familial trauma. (since apparently "bad people can't have children" on Spinch)

TUC also causes Polly's joints to seize up because of the cold, which is partially why they need a cane and someone around them as often as possible. The cane is non-slip and has a rounded base like Polly's Cometcare cane does, because the snowflakes and ice on Polly's gown often melt and leave puddles behind her. Finnegan's usually around to help Polly get around by helping it navigate the hospital. Polly DOES have a map in their notebook, but he finds it nice of Finnegan to be doing this for him and has never pointed it out, though she does have it if she ever does need it.

Their blood will also sometimes freeze because of her TUC, but it only usually happens when she's sitting in one area or not moving for an extended amount of time. It doesn't kill it, but it does make him dizzy and at risk of passing out if it happens in large numbers (since this is a bit of cartoon logic with the in universe illnesses). Because of this Finnegan often times tries to get him to move around and take walks with him around the hospital. He's their biggest support system; not necessarily a caretaker but moreso a close friend.

If anyone else wants to ask about specific characters, relationships, or just story plots feel free to!

[n1ght1ng4le]

why, hello there, fellow humans!

(last update: 24/2/24 dd/mm/yy, 1:02pm, MYT)

CHIRP CHIRP MOTHERFUCKS!

hi there! i’m Nightingale, call me Night, Birdie, or just call me what you like :)

i’m 15 and british, thai, irish and chinese

fun fact : i live for wilbur soot

pronouns : she/her

sexuality : aroace

interests : music (lovejoy, arctic monkeys, mitski, lovejoy, will wood, good kid, lovejoy, los campesinos!, lovejoy, wilbur soot, LOVEJOY, etc.), writing, reading, songwriting, greek mythology, percy jackson, brooklyn 99 (watched it 12 times)

hobbies : lots of music, lots of singing, i write and read (the whole shebang!)

fun fact : people think im queer-coded/queer (looking at you @be-gentle-with-littluns /lh) YES I AM!!

secondary blog for when i wanna be depressed and/or silly and/or musical : @b1rd1e-ch1rps

my boundaries are pretty self explanatory (i am a minor so the rules should be pretty self explanatory) but if not :

-no nsfw/inappropriate content

-no personal questions (age, real name, etc.)

‼️ DNIs ‼️

-homophobes/transphobes/racists/etc.

-acephobics/non-aroace supporters or people that just hate aro/ace people for existing

-ABLEISTS CAN LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK (as someone with a disabled family member (not extended), this is rlly important to me.)

-anyone from my school (you know who you are. bitch go away.)

- @memories. you insulted me and my mutuals. you bitch.

-lovejoy mega haters (i mean the verbal ones. you can dislike them, but you dont need to tell me thanks)

-anyone who thinks that wilbur was shelby’s abusive ex with no proof (they never even dated.) i will not discuss this. if i do, it will be on @b1rd1e-ch1rps)

-if you have a problem with me/my mutuals, respectfully gtfo :)

my organisation method needs cleaning…

all of my posts have either #birdie chirps or #birdie rambles (or both)

shitposts are under #not my usual shebang but wtv

lovejoy related things will be #lovejoy or #lvjy (or both) + all of the band members (#wilbur soot, #ash kabosu, #joe goldsmith and #mark boardman, most likely in that order) + #wilbur please come to malasyia

wilbur related posts will have #wilbur soot, #wilbur please come to malaysia and the specific song/album im talking about

ventposts will be considered shitposts along with the tag #does this count as a vent??

anything important/serious i talk about will be labeled as such (depends on what im talking about) but i dont do that very often

if you wanna hear my music shit, that’ll be on my alt blog @b1rd1e-ch1rps under #music or #musicblr

writing (whether musical or not) will be #writing, #writeblr and #writers on tumblr (in that order)

asks are #asks (obviously) and mutual asks are #moot asks (also obviously) along with the mutuals nickname

SPEAKING OF WHICH

i dont have many moots soooo

RAD SPANISH/GUITAR FRIEND MOOT 🎸@radio-to-trenchcoat-demons

GOOSE MOOT 🪿 @goosebeing and @lovejoycometoaustraliaplease

TURTLES/IRL/INACTIVEISH/ALWAYS GETS DISTRACTED/IS JAWUN MOOT 🐢 @thereal-yippee

FNAF MOOT 🐻 @cobalt-axolotl

BIRD BROTHER 🐦‍⬛ @be-gentle-with-littluns and @life-is-okay-rn

OKAY WITH LIFE MOOT 👌 @life-is-okay-rn and @be-gentle-with-littluns

MUSICY MOOT 🎶 @trinloveslvjy and @chronically-anxious-person (trin please come back 😔)

DUTCH GREMLIN CHILD MOOT 👹 @vinfelx

thats about it!! any questions, just ask (please. i like silly questions.) :D

holy fuck i just realised how long this post is. oh well, deal with it womp womp /lh

[1eos]

Hi, just read your post about immigrant mothers ruining their kid's jobs. My mother is not an immigrant but she's asian and she cannot for the life of her be considerate with my previous job situation.

I earned 2k monthIy. It's quite low bc we're poor and I have to use half of my pay to support my family. So I decided to take this remote part time job for savings (not just for me but for the family also) and bc of that I am almost in front of my laptop 24/7. It's a report writing job and usually I would have 2 reports weekly to be submitted within 4 days.

My mother hated that I am always in my room doing work and would get so angry because "I listen to the employers more than her". She would make me do a lot of house chores when she knew I was tired from work just to spite me, saying that in the house I do the least chores???? Yeah bc I have a deadline to catch OMG.

Usually I would plan my week for the reports but then she would make me drive her for errands etc and would guilt trip me if I don't do so. Because of this I would stay up all night trying to finish the report just so that she won't throw a fit. Also, I have 2 other brothers who have a lot of free time but just for gaming, not for chores.....but somehow I'm the bad guy......which also makes me believe all asian mothers are "boy moms" but that's for another day.

The problem about these mothers is not because they don't understand their children. It's because they DO NOT WANT to. Because if they do, it means they have to listen/cater to you; not the other way around. They rather die than doing THAT.

first n foremost i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that you're going thru this :(. it's truly thee worst to be sabotaged by a mother its truly so insidious and too many ppl in this day and age think its cute or like something we just have to suffer thru bc hey that lady gave birth to us and helped raise us. like the idea that GIRLS --bc they rarely if ever do this to sons--are literally put on earth to toil and suffer and serve their mothers, brothers, aunties etc until some man comes along and then u serve him w no thought or care for ourselves until we die is sooooooooo pervasive.

like its so sad that in 2024 you have someone purposefully going out of her way to sabotage your hustle :(((((((((((((((((( and i won't do the annoying 'just move out!' bc trust me ik how hard it is to move out right now!!!!!!!!! i will say i hope you maintain the strength and energy to persevere thru the sabotage 😐 you will win. misogyny will not win! m*thers who are mad that their daughters aren't just rolling over to be the family doormat. and its like? you'd think they'd be happy but that post partum jealousy is something else i'll tell you that

i still remember being a kid and my mom waiting until i was totally asleep to force me awake to put two dishes in the dish washer?????? and would be yelling and totally pissed off that im not standing at attention to do the dishes at 11pm 😭😭😭😭😭 bitch i was in literal rem sleep why are u screaming at an unconscious child? just lacking control or excitement in their own lives and take it out on their daughters its fucking sick

bc you're right lolllll its not that they 'dont understand' they deadass do not want to. which is why i don't believe in extending grace for bad mothers in a lot of these situations bc why the hell do i have to put myself in YOUR shoes and suffer disrespect always thinking about YOUR feelings when for the first 18 years you were the ONLY adult??? absolutely bizarre. i hope one day we can stop lighting up mothers for shit they can't control like crying babies or having to breastfeed and clock them for the way theyre cornerstones in keeping the patriarchy alive. and the specific bullshit mothers dole out and get away with it bc society expects total devotion to mothers especially from daughters like i need everyone to wake it up bc there's nooooo reason for a grown ass person to be sabotaging you like that! a lot of us are living in the house with our worst opponents and i hate it!

but bottom line? I AM ROOTING FOR YOU ANONNNN WE WILL MAKE IT OUT OF HERE I PROMMY

[elvisabutler]

can i request #5 and #17 angst prompts for professor presley universe? i dont mind if you do it in one all together all i ask is that you end it in fluff 😊

your love was unmoved

fandom: elvis presley | elvis ( 2022 ) rating: t for some implications pairing: elvis presley ( professor big daddy ) x female reader ( nicknamed belle ) word count: 1998 warnings: no use of y/n. student/professor relationship ( former ). talk of babies. talk of pregnancy and complications. minor sexual implications. talk of death. arguing. author’s note: thank you for this anon! i had a completely different version of this written before i got talked out of it for good reasons. i think this one is better in any case. hope you enjoy! this is done for my 1k gala, based on angst lines “i’m not going with you." and "please, answer me!" y'all know the drill, real elvis or austin elvis works fine for this despite the moodboard. also part of the professor presley universe that keeps growing by the day.

Elvis is the love of your life, this is a fact you've known since before you had your twins. Since before you got married. Since before your third child and now the fourth that has given you so many problems and health issues that Elvis had been worried enough that you had made a joke telling him you'd carry this stubborn little baby to term even if killed you. The look on his face and his reaction was one you weren't soon to forget. His reaction of holding your face in hands and nuzzling at your nose whispering that if he can't joke about dyin' neither could you. His reaction later on while you you were in and out of sleep with him talking to your belly.

"Ya gotta treat ya mama a lil nicer. She's- she's gotta stay here for your siblings and- and I don't think I'd take losin' her all that well."

Somehow little Judy had taken those words to heart. Oh sure she had been a bit of a hellion still, making you stay on an extended leave of absence that Elvis had fought tooth and nail for just so you could keep your job and he wouldn't be forced to hire someone else- someone else he knows wouldn't be as good in his department. And sure, you had been forced to have a c section on account of her being feet first but was fine. You were fine and she was fine and your family was complete and happy. It takes you longer than you'd like to get back to normal, a product of your age and of what you had gone through to bring your daughter into the world but eventually eventually you found yourself back teaching, admonishing your students who didn't do homework and who would like to treat your class as a nap time among other things.

There's something different about Elvis- something that has the hairs on the back of your neck standing at attention in concern and worry. Maybe it's from everything you've gone through with your other partners or maybe it's because you know Elvis well enough but something is bothering you. Something feels off and you can't put an exact finger on what it is. You can't put an exact finger on what it is until you have to grab something out of his desk.

He's trapped under the pile of your oldest children while little Judy is sleeping in her crib. The idea had been for both of you to get some work done while the children played around you but the older ones seemed to have a different plan as per their usual. Your own papers you have to deal with are safely sitting on the table and Elvis's- well you end up asking him where his arm between shouts and squeals.

"I'll wrestle them back t' normal, jus', can ya go grab my things from my desk, darlin'? Should be in the middle drawer." Elvis asks before his hands become preoccupied with trying to keep Wes from pulling at his hair- or perhaps it was Wendy, you couldn't quite tell. It didn't matter though, after all, you knew better than anyone that once they had their fun that he'd make sure they were all acting exactly as they needed to. You can't help the way a smile stays on your face as you walk into the office, settling down in the chair as you pulled open the middle drawer. The papers are in a folder, easy enough to grab but your eyes drift to one of the side drawers with the drawer partially open and what looks like a set pages not bound with a staple or paperclip or anything. You know better than to look, know that there are some things even now after being married that you and Elvis keep from each other. Keep private, because they don't concern the other person, nor are they important. Yet there's that feeling, there's that feeling again- the raised hair on your neck and the sickening feeling of dread as you stare at it. You shouldn't look and yet you do. You want to throw up after you do.

Your body cycles through hot and cold, hot and cold and hot and cold before it settles into a bone aching chill as you read. This is a contract for another school, a school in California of all places. It's a contract he's already signed and hasn't bothered to tell you about. It's a contract that pays better than the one he has in Memphis but- Memphis is your home, Memphis is where your job is- Memphis- it's supposed to be where you stay, after all, taking this would mean selling Graceland and Elvis has always told you he bought it for his mother. He would never sell the property. It's then that it hits you like a ton of bricks and you shoot up out of the chair, his folder of papers in one hand and the signed contract in the other.

The living room is quiet but you can hear your children outside whooping and hollering so you know Elvis has shooed them outside to try and burn off their energy. What great timing, he shooed them away so you can have a discussion with him about this- this whatever it is. His folder is tossed onto the table carelessly before you toss the contract in his lap.

"I'm not going with you, am I?" Your words are spat out as Elvis pales looking over his glasses at you- realizing what you tossed at him. It's written all over his face that you're right, he has no intention of taking you with him, instead forcing you to be a single mother here in Graceland with your four kids. "Were you just going to pack everything in a bag one day? Pull a 'cilla and leave me without warning? Oh wait, did you plan on taking the twins too?"

"Belle, honey, darlin', Y/N, I-" He states before you cut him off.

"No, no, no nicknames today Professor Presley. Please, just answer me, have the decency to do that for your wife." You move to sit right in front of him on the coffee table, eyes blazing. You want to kick and scream and hit him and for a brief moment you're taken back to when you first got together, your anger and embarrassment and depression all coming to a head.

His body recoils back at the use of a title he hasn't heard come from your lips in a non-playful way in nearing a decade now. This- This isn't how this was supposed to go, you weren't supposed to find out this way, he was supposed to ease you into the idea, butter you up for a move to California while he arranged for the Mafia to take care of Graceland. It was only a temporary assignment.

He moves to cup your face only to have you grasp at his wrists. "Stop trying to be sweet and tell me what that's about. Tell me I'm wrong, Elvis."

There's a part of him, the part of him that knows you well enough that in a good mood you're liable to smack him gently upside the head if he told you that know, you're not wrong, that yes, he's that horrible person you think he is who planned on doing what your brain thinks he's doing. He knows you're liable to smack him gently upside the head if he told you that you're being silly and he'll be sweet to his wife if he wants. He knows these things because he knows you so he settles on looking at least a bit admonished before he speaks.

"You are wrong. I- I meant t'tell ya sooner, or at least, meant to tell ya soon. Jus' couldn't really figure out how." Elvis can feel his leg bounce a little in spite of everything before he continues. "I-I got offered a temporary job in California. University basically wants to let them borrow me. Sort've a guest lecturing thing. I don't- I don't know the exact details cause I haven't been to the university there but- you'd be comin' wit' me. Leave the boys to handle Graceland, while take the kids to California for a year. Give 'em a change of pace."

"A change of pace." Your tone is deadpan as you still continue to glare at Elvis. "Memphis is our home and you want to go to California just because they offered. You're joking, you have to be because I know my husband isn't someone who decides this and signs the paper before talking to me about it."

He starts to open up his mouth to defend himself before you both hear the backdoor open and hear the yelling of your three older children followed by the piercing cry of your youngest. You shake your head and wave Elvis off. "I have to go help her, feed her. Just-"

"I got 'em, Belle."

Those are the last words he says to you until your nightly shower. Everyone is in bed but you and him and you found yourself entering the shower before him, not waiting up as you usually do. After a few minutes you feel the door open and feel your husband against you nuzzling your neck. "I hadn't sent them back. I didn't- Everything's gotten a lil' complicated here in Memphis, thought, thought we could see how it is. See if it can be like Hawaii for us, ya know? We've jus' both been busy. Shoulda talked 'bout it fore I signed 'em but can ya trust me on this? Trust me on us goin' there? Jus' for a year."

Your shoulders relax as you lean against Elvis, allowing the water to fall on your joined bodies. There's tears falling you think, but you can't quite tell as you speak. "My tenure, though. I'll lose my job."

"I'll get it back if ya do. Pull some strings nearby. Darlin'- I think we need this. Think it'll do some good and-"

You cut him off with a sigh. "If you can convince them that I get my job back when we come back, I will go. We'll go together and they can enjoy California."

Elvis grabs your waist and turns you around to face him in the shower before he cups your cheeks. "Ya promise, ya ain't jus' sayin' this t'make me happy? Ain't jus' agreein-"

A snort leaves your nose before you laugh, sniffling slightly. "Elvis- When- I've never been that sort of woman and you know that. I'm- I'm trusting you because you haven't led me wrong lately."

He pulls you in for a kiss and bites at your lip before pulling away. "Lately, she says. Try ever, Mrs. Presley. I'll see what I can do, a'right? Ya- ya wanna finish the shower and go to sleep? Catch an hour before Judy wakes up?"

You nod, nuzzling at his chest, relishing in the feel of his chest hair against your cheek. "Shower and sleep- that- yeah. I'm- sorry about earlier."

Another kiss to your lips before he kisses your forehead and pulls away. "Don't be, kinda blindsided ya. Now, pass me the soap?"

Your hand reaches to grab the soap, but you don't hand it to him instead choosing to keep it in your hand and smirk. "I think you're gonna have to come and get it from me."

"Careful what ya wish for, darlin'."

taglist: @thatbanditqueen and @softsatnin

[kramaku]

I've heard people say that Izuku is too naive and annoying with his will to save Shigaraki. Let me tell you he's not. (Manga spoilers)

First, he will never ever try to befriend Shigaraki or even just forgive him for all the atrocities he has done like Izuku did for Lady Nagant. He knows that Shigaraki is a monster that needs to be stopped at all costs, so no he won't use "the power of friendship."

Second, when Izuku says he wants to save Shigaraki, he's talking about his soul, not his body. The heroes have already decided that All for one is such a powerful villain who tortured and killed thousands, probably millions of people, that he needs to be killed. Pulling him in prison like they did last time won't do so you think they'll simply keep Shigaraki, who is stronger than All For One, locked up? No way. Shigaraki needs to be killed too. There's no doubt about that. Now, Izuku saw a crying child (Tenko) in the vestiges and will try to extend him a hand, to save his heart before he dies.

Before talking about what I mean by that, let me analyze Shigaraki- no, Tenko's trauma a little.

Tenko killed his entire family with his quirk. After that, he ended up as a homeless starved sleepless kid who needed help but didn't get any. Until All For One arrived and saved him. Tenko was so traumatized by the events that he even lost his memories, but he did remember one thing: feelings. The anger he felt when he was abused, and that feeling of pleasure and peace he felt when he finally got rid of his dad. All for one being the manipulator that he is, he understood that Tenko's brain voluntarily suppressed his memories not to feel guilty toward himself and told him to direct the anger he had for his dad towards the society of heroes, who is apparently all faked and hypocrite, full or selfish people, people who abandon their families. Tenko here is putting the blame of his trauma on the heroes (like Nana bc she abandoned her son, who abused his own son, Tenko, because he wanted to be a hero) because blaming others is always easier than blaming yourself. Now, All for one also told him to become stronger, encouraged him to kill the people that hurt him, and so AFO fed Tenko's addiction for destruction. Since he's so obsessed with the rage that keeps growing, he never feels any positive emotion which is very self destructive for a brain, so as a coping mechanism, he searches for that satisfaction he felt when he killed his dad (since it was mixed with rage, it's a pleasure that became compatible with his anger), killing again and again: his quirk became his own source of serotonin. (that's also why he often smiles while decaying)

Shigaraki doesnt have plans for the future. He doesn't care what will happen of society or anyone, even himself. He even said the league can just do whatever they want.. he just wants to destroy. He only lives in the present moment for that feeling only.

What he needs is someone (Izuku) to tell him that heroes aren't all "bad" (nana had her reasons so she's not really a bad person :/) but more at the source of the problem, that he didn't deserve any of the abuse and that it's not his fault his family died. The accident wasn't the heroes fault, it wasnt his own fault, it was nobody's fault (okay it was AFO's fault since he actually transferred decay to a quirkless Tenko but the awakening of a violent quirk could've totally happened naturally and Tenko wouldn't have the blame either).

Tenko doesn't have to feel guilty about that accident. He needs to hear that.

Now I dont know how things will go on, and even how Izuku may possibly adress Shigaraki's trauma, but in my opinion the best death Shigaraki could have would be after Izuku managed to save the sad, scared, guilt rotten child in the vestiges, as Shigaraki would finally feel at ease, relaxed, kinda comforted. No anger for a very long time, I imagine his death to be very peaceful. He could even chose to be the one to kill himself actually with decay, the quirk that started it all and would end it all. He would give up on life because he had been so filled with anger for so long that he'd just feel like there's no point in living anymore if he doesn't destroy. He'd just feel like an empty shell. His peaceful death would kinda remind me of a certain demon's towards the end of demon slayer, if you read the manga you know who I'm talking about.

So yeah, I really want Izuku to reach Tenko. I'm sure he will. But he'll definitely put an end to Shigaraki's destruction at the same time.

thanks for reading, I love mha so much

[themoodyestj]

so my question is, if you really have this amazing life and career, and you really don't want to fuck Jensen, then why are you so jealous of Danneel? why do you even care about her existence? shouldn't you be busy enjoying your wonderful life?

why do you hate her so much? did she do something to you personally? why do you even care if a bunch of faceless strangers like her or not?

if your life is so full and complete, shouldn't you be happy? why waste your energy on the trashy person you think she is? why live in anguish over some dude who is a complete stranger to you, and who doesn't even know or care that you exist?

why should you give a flying fuck about his problems?

You should focus on your own wonderful life (if you actually have it) and start living it.

Dear anon, The irony of this post is delicious. Do you realize that all of the questions you wrote here could easily be turned to you? I can be happy and have critical thinking, why are you delulu people so hung up on what i think? Because Im happy, should i only be selfish and think about myself? I can't belong to a community, voice an opinion, say what i think (regardless of how much it bother you)? I dont live in anguish, darling, you do. Today I worked, talked to my friends, baked a cake, had dinner with my family and was just now sat to do some writing and some light reading, and the only reason I thought of you was because you poluted my inbox with your ask. And Im not jealous of Danneel, come on, what should I be jealous of? My values are clearly not the same as yours honey, and please, come up with better arguments already, its feels pretty much like kicking a puppy at this point. She is pretty much the representation of everything I despise in our culture (and womanhood) nowadays. Geez, if there is a thing you delulus are not, is intellectually stimulating. Regardless the faceless strangers (which I assume are the AAs), I can answer that easily, warning in advance that this doesnt extend to all Jensen's fans, just the ones who take it too far. Im not the only one getting your hateful messages. Im not the only one getting your hate just because I expressed a different opinion. I have been watching many delulus attacking others just because people dont agree with what was said. Ive seen people throwing in someone elses inbox (including mine) hateful messages that borderline psychopathy. And it so happens that I dont like bullies. From discrediting someone's history of abuse, to sending something akin to curses, to flat out insulting... for the name of what? Well, you said it well, "over some dude who is a complete stranger to you, and who doesn't even know or care that you exist". Your words, not mine. Again, the projection is strong. Really sad you missed it. Do my words affect you? Stay in your lane. No one asked you to read my blog. I guarantee you that, if not being sent some prints, i wouldnt give a flying f*** about your delusions. But since you delulu people are so bend on insulting me, i reserve myself the right to give it back just as hard. I have a few pet peeves, my strongest is with bullies. Especially the dumb kind. That ok with you, hun? Thank you so much for your time, now if you'll excuse me, Ill go back to my wonderful life. I expect you to follow your own advice and do the same. Tschüss!

[fairuzfan]

Hey! I just saw your post about libraries, and I wanted to chime in. Speaking as a Palestinan Muslim librarian in Cook County, IL aka the county with the highest Palestinian population in the US, where a good majority of our patrons are Arab, the main reason our library doesn't hold programs that cater specifically to our Arab patrons is because they never show up.

Like your library, we have tons of 3arab kids who hang out after-school because the high school is down the street, and college kids who come to study but that's it. When we host, for example, video game night, or anime club, or study with a dog, anything really, we'll get 1 or 2 and the rest are predominantly White. The only 3arab demographic who consistently shows up (and this is the case in many libraries) are the moms with their toddlers. That's why we have bilingual story time and Eid/Ramadan crafts in the children's dept. It's habal for us to create programs in the adult and YA dept where I work when we never see the 3arab community turn out, and I so wish they would.

Libraries have a programming budget. We have to use it in a way that draws the most patrons to the library. It's great that you hang out but you also need to attend programs! If there's a specific program you want to see, let us know! Please! And then show up for it! We want to do what the community wants! We want you to show up! Complaining that there's nothing for you doesn't help us or the community at large.

I have personally created displays for Ramadan, for Arab American Heritage Month, for Palestinian authors as well as Pride, Halloween, Xmas, Hispanic Heritage, etc. Libraries are for everyone.

As for bias, that's everywhere, libraries included. If your library's collection isn't as diverse as it should be, speak up! Send an email! And keep an eye on your library board. See who's on it and vote the racists off.

Also. Just a little fun fact in case your library puts up Xmas decorations but not Ramadan. An excerpt from a BookRiot article: The fact of the matter is that not everybody celebrates Christmas or puts up a tree. We’ll skip the fact that the Christmas tree was appropriated from the Pagans and their Yule Tree. It is now so synonymous with the Christian faith that it’s hard to separate the two. You know what is supposed to be separate, though? Church and state. 

That means that anything symbolic of a specific religion should not be prominently displayed in a government building. Libraries are funded by the government; therefore, that separation should extend to those buildings. And if a Christmas tree aligns with the Christian faith…you see where I’m going here. 

TLDR: Complain politely to your library and show up for programs.

hey cook county! i have cook county family!

totally, i agree, do show up to events like I definitely definitely think that and i regret not mentioning it in my original post. libraries do rely on funding from people that show up but in my specific case of being in a very very conservative location.... it's not a consideration of who shows up. like actually people do show up to events, i see kids there all the time participating. and part of it is that muslim communities don't know they can ask for it or just dont know they're also welcome in these spaces but it also requires people to reach out and make it known that these are welcoming spaces contrary to the other public spaces that are very much. not welcoming.

I mean outreach is a problem that is hard to do, i won't deny that, and personally as someone who is working in the community that they grew up in (palestinian cultural heritage) it's not that hard for me and i fully acknowledge that.

and im not a public librarian i totally think librarians are like. the cool kids of "GLAM" like as a whole actually and do a lot of good work, but like cook county does have a different demographic of people than my personal library. i've gotten sneers and eyerolls from library staff in my area for asking questions when i was younger that kinda turned me off for a few years from interacting with them. and that's not a problem in every library, yeah, but it is definitely a problem for some.

it's definitely improved in recent years and theres been a push in many library spaces to ensure inclusivity and i absolutely love that in ways i don't see in other spaces. my post originally was more like... acknowledging that some people Are Racist in positions of leadership in libraries lol and that affects people's experiences that i think some people, depending on where they live, kinda need to acknowledge.

i know like something i'm trying to do also, (instead of just complaining lol) is host archive workshops with my muslim community at my masjid and letting them know theres ALLLLLL these resources you can use FOR FREE to let them know that you can participate in libraries and archives and you should! but there is the feeling of like "well that's not For Me" that i think a lot of muslims deal with internally and need to be reached out to first and not the other way around. but that also is reflective of the community at large too and how public events are catered to different people.