#i dont think ive cried while writing a post before

[extreme-dyke-syndrome]

Currently mourning the fact that some of my friends didn't know me before I was in pain all the time.

I was different. Just as cynical, but I had momentum. I moved with a constant trajectory.

I wish they knew me before I got slower.

[vanishintoyou]

not to be like waah waaaah im so upset about my life while i have a nice and good life in general compared to so many people here but. i still feel like the art piece "here's the life i've always longed for". i keep thinking about my father almost crying talking to me on the phone at the election night. he kept saying he doesnt want me to feel like this country's fate is my only choice, and my life will not be ruined by these terrible people. but it feels like that sometimes. a lot of times actually. and i mean im trying to do things to change it really. but also im not trying hard enough. i get mad at myself for that. then i am mad that i live in a reality where i have to try so fucking just to have a chance of living in a decent reality. and what if i cant do it... i have to try harder i really have to apply myself i dont want to be a disappointment and a regret for my future self. i hope she is in a safe and beautiful place, not here. anywhere but here. please.

[xavviquz]

♥︎ he loves you, he loves you not. ♥︎ satoru gojo x gn!reader

warnings // angsty, emotionally unavailable gojo, blood, gojo hcs, probably a lot of hurt, short

notes // i wrote this because of that stupid scene in jjk i keep seeing all over my tiktok fyp.. i also have had this idea at like the back of my head for a while and ive been meaning to post something like this! i hope it reaches everyones expectations, and if you guys want, i could write this out and make it an actual fanfic. just leave a comment or ask! ♡ wc: 317

synopsis: he loves you dearly, but he doesnt have the right words to express it.

em. unavailable!gojo who always puts work before your needs always. even if its something so simple, gojo leaves with a single phone call of them needing him.

em. unavailable!gojo who cant openly speak up about his feelings and whats bothing him because hes afraid he’ll lash out and say things that he doesnt mean.

em. unavailable!gojo that doesnt truly care if you’re dying, aslong as he saves the lives of as many people as he can. gojo vowed to himself to not care for anyone so deeply for again. he learned his lesson one too many times to make that same mistake again.

em. unavailable!gojo who cries in your arms randomly throughout the day but never states his reasons why.

em. unavailable!gojo who hates it when you depend on him. as much as gojo loves you, as much as he loves it when you feel comforted around him, he cant stand the fact that you expect anything of him. for gojo to be loving, sweet, upbeat, always physically and mentally there was all out of the picture.

em. unavailable!gojo who panicks at every decision when it comes to life or death. as selfish as he is, he always choses to save a certain selection of people even if many were dying. even you. who gojo stated he wouldn’t save if it meant the lives of thousands of other people.

em. unavailable!gojo who grips onto your side of the bed when you’re out grocery shopping. he cries at every moment, thinking of all the bad that could happen to you just from being gone.

em. unavailable!gojo who watches you as you crumble to his feet, smiling as tears swell into your eyes. you can barely hear out of your ears, and your intestines are completely seeping out. gojo’s eyes widened as you mouth the words he wishes he would hear from your silky smooth voice. “i love you.”

➡︎ pt.2 //

a/n: please consider reblogging, liking, and commenting recommendations!

��� 2024 xavviquz - dont copy, repost, or modify

[aachria]

once again writing as im reading yk how it is

You apologizing in the notes for a longer chapter will never fail toget me hyped and sorta nervous 🧍‍♀️

SABO AND LUFFY REUNION I LOVE THEM

"So did you (get taller) , thank you for staying alive long enough for me to know that" aachria the writer that you are 😭 you always manage to make me emotional

Snakebite/fangs sabo my beloved ALSO SEPTUM PIERCING SABO??? HIM HAVING A SHIT TOM OF PIERCINGS??? AACHRIAAAAA. WRITE MORE SABO CHAPTERS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS.

"…Who the fuck picks a prosethetic that looks like Sans from Undertale???? " Sabo the man you are

AACHRIA. PLEASE. IM AT THE "ACE TO BE EXECUTED" PART. WTF. WHAT WHAT WHAT 😭 UHM. I knew my ass was being too hopeful about both of them being there 😕 i shouldn't have trusted you.

If Ace dies. I'll cry. /th. You'll cry too so please don't kill him 🙏‼️

NOOOO ED DONT BLAME YOURSELF ITS NOT UR FAULT YOU WERE LIKE ⅘S DEAD ATP FR

THE VIVRE CARD OMG AACHRIA PL3ASE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US HOW COULD YOU 😭😭

"I can’t save him. I can’t save him, I can’t save him I CAN’T SAVE HIM I CAN’T SAVE HIM— " ricky when i catch you Ricky. I dont wanna call this foreshadowing cause that might give you ideas and i predicted quite a bit of stiff right. So i predict Portgas D. Ace will Live.

MONKEY D. LUFFY THE MAN YOU ARE 😭

I want you to know i cried at the Luffy comforting and forgiving Ed part 😕

" “How can you say that?” I croak, trying to find any hint of dissension in his expression. “How can you not believe it?” he counters." 😕😕😕😕😭😭😭😭 you're a bully

ED COWBOY HAT ED COWBOY HAT ED COWBOY HAT OMG IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS BUT IT WOULDVE BEEN BETTER HAD ACE BEEN THE ONE TO GIVE IT TO THEM IN PERSON ANOTHER REMINDER THAT YOU'RE A BULLY. A MEAN MEAN BULLY 😭

ACES NOTE OMG I LOVE HIM SM HE BETTER NOT DIE 😭

" Bit of a shit way to meet and in law but hi" and then no elaboration is so funny 😭

PLANNING FUCK YEAH I ALWAYS LOVE THISE SEQUENCES IN FICS

Did. Did failure make ed forget about the kuma sending everyone away thing? Or are they gonna try to put it off til after marineford??? Or is it just not gonna happen at all???

Ed repeatedly saying "i love competent people" with kore and more intensity 3ach time is so real what a mood

Jonah mentioned 🤭 love to see sabo and ace bonding

ED AND LUFFY PRISON BREAK ED AND LUFFY PRISON BREAK ED AND LUFFY PRISON BREAK ED AND LUFFY PRISON BREAK

"Unquestionably" 🤭🤭🤭

im still worried abt wtf is gonna happen a propos the strawhats separation

Amazing chapter as always excited to see the next chapter that you might post on Wednesday THANK YOU SO MUCH ‼️

GUYS I PROMIE I'M NOT APOLOGIZING I'M MAKING A STATEMENT BECAUSE I'M A BIG CONSISTENCY GIRLIE AND I FIGURE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW GOING IN THAT IT'LL BE LONGER THAN YOU'D TYPICALLY THINK. LIKE IF YOU THINK YOU CAN READ A CHAPTER BEFORE GOING SOMEWHERE AND DON'T GET TO FINISH BECAUSE IT'S LONGER THAN YOU EXPECED. I DON'T KNOW.

but yeah getting you hyped and nervous is pretty much the intended effect.

I was trying real hard to keep faithful to the feelings from the canon Sabo and Luffy reunion while also not having Ace being DEAD as the driving force of the thanks (the ASL brothers thanking each other is something that can be so personal—) and I'm, if nothing else, content with where it ended up. Fuckin' love those two.

Nothing shows how much you love a character like giving them fucktons of piercings and just generally disregarding their canon design. He is my special little guy and I will make him strange and weird like he deserves and if that included stealing his fucking eye and making it more awesome and also poking a myriad of holes in his face, who's to stop me?

I am terribly trustworthy excuse you. I never said I wasn't going to do terrible things. I asked if you thought I'd do terrible things and I hoped I wouldn't do terrible things, but I never made any promises. Hheh.

I also make no promises not to kill Ace. For the record. But I will cry absolutely.

If there's one thing about Ed, it's that if they're given a chance they will martyr the SHIT out of ANYTHING. Like pookie please your saviour complex is showing.

I was so ready for someone to call out the recurring smoked fish joke like 'hmmmm smoked fish you say kinda of like SMOKE from something BURNING IS IT?!" and then that didn't happen and I felt vindicated. And please when have I ever used foreshadowing before. Doesn't sound like me at all.

Luffy is my hero you GO bestie COMFORT that idiot YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH—

Look that cowboy hat is fantastic and my catalyst for cowboy Ed, who can only get more cowboy cunty from here. Nothing say pirate quite like a cowboy.

Oh yeah baby Ed is very aware of Kuma. There's a bunch of you shits who were real concerned about them forgetting and to that I say the first little sequence of next chapter was supposed to be on the end of last chapter, but it was already too damn long so I had to split 'er up. It'll make more sense when you read it.

I LOVE COMPOTENT PEOPLE ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ED AND LUFFY PRISON BREAK ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Yeah.... the separation.........

Anyway yeah I didn't end up doing to Wed update because I had a bad week but there WILL be one this week ‼️‼️

[wasyago]

episode 110 spoilers

just like, random thoughts and stuff, mostly bits that i remembered

i sat down to write this i forgot everything oh my god--

in chip's flashback. the black rose pirates following the king to the big sakura tree, and arlin holding baby chip's hand. this. the cutest shit ever, i think i almost cried at the image of this big badass group of pirates and this itty bitty child led gently by his hand. even if i didn't cry before i sure will right now, baby chip you're so dear to me...

QUEEN! they didn't remember anything aughhhhh 😭😭😭😭 and their and chip's little talk about how they're going to put the pieces together :( and their hug :(

whatever drey, finn and earl are doing on the ship... like, what? hello? glad they're having fun tho lol. also wait hold on a second. how did drey answer the call? i mean, probably with his leg or something, if i had to guess. or maybe finn held it up for him. not sure if finn is at it enough to be able to answer the shell by himself, so earl and drey are the only ones who can actually use it. and seing how earl is in a... predicament. hm.

jay saying that when she looks at gillion she sees family. AUGHHHHHHHHHH AUGH AUGH OUGH jay ferin i love you. and this is so important to me not only because like hell yes they're more than friends they're a family, but also for jay of all people, considering her relationship with her blood tied family and how complicated her relationship with this word is.

also girl please do something about your leg, im begging you. the bone is visible, this shit is not going to heal up by itself. i dont know how you're still limping around this must hurt so bad. i guess adrenalin maybe, but still. at least get some bandages or something, i don't know... what is it with jay and her legs actually. she fell off a roof in edison kingdom and landed on a piece of metal that fucked up her leg, and now this.

oh my god niklaus, how could i forget about my babygirl. i mean, what can i say i love this guy. i dont know how many times ive relistened to his intro song, but definitely more than i should've... um. there was a lot of big important lore that i don't have the brain capacity to process rn.... i want to say that niki is the nameless prince and/or the thing trapped in the hole in the sea. because he can only interact with one person at a time by inviting them to his pocket dimension (even with jay it was said that the time around her stopped while she was talking with niklaus), implying that niki is trapped somewhere and this is the only constricted way he can interact with the world. and to answer chip's questions he said he wants freedom more than anything, again implying that right now he doesn't have this freedom. which makes sense, right? but then, the big bad thing was supposedly trapped thousands of years ago (i think?), but niklaus was a world famous pirate lord not so long ago and not trapped anywhere, so.....? idk im probably missing something. can't for the life of me find the moment where they read the nameless prince book so like, whatever.

that moment where jay talked to chip about how she thinks its all her fault and she should've just gave up her arm and leg. and how chip reassures her....... them 🥺🤲 kind of inspired by that post abt chip and jay i reblogged earlier, but these two talking about their emotions and feelings is so dear to me. just, being human with each other and opening up. gill is great ofc, but i feel like for these two its much easier to talk to each other to feel understood and heard. i love them.....

chip is still very much dead and probably won't be resurrected any time soon, so... hooray new undead chip design! but also oh my god my poor boy... forever 19... (also charlie and condi being surprised that chip is only 19. yeah </3) my poor guy my poor baby, he sounds so beaten and depressed in the beginning of the episode, its just breaking my heart qwq...

star and zamia <333 hehe

chip trying to marry igneous. lol. darling chill out, you just got out of one unsuccessful marriage and it didn't teach you anything, you're dead, you're only 19, you've known this guy for like, 2 days? don't get me wrong, godspeed to chip, but cmon man take him out to dinner first or something

and uhhh. the end, that's all i got

[blkkizzat]

you most likely know who this is by now but i haven't been in your inbox for a while 💕💕

question; so when writing your fics and making them so self-indulgent you know it's written for you, and yet thousands of others still love it because it's ambiguous enough for them to relate to reader, how does one achieve that?

only asking because because i feel that's the next step up in writing fics and i wanna go that step up and beyond

as always 😈 nonnie

i do and 😈 nonny is so suiting for you too haha! hey bbdoll! 💖

but oooh i think its always come naturally for me since i dissociative daydream so all my stories i see play out so vividly in my head and im self-indulging myself when i do it.

i think the way to identify you are doing it is remembering the feeling of excitement or giddiness when you are consuming fanfics as a reader. that "omg this is so good!" feeling. you should have that feeling reading your own work. i don't post a fic unless i feel that rereading my own work or when im writing it. (i go through phases of hating my work lol but i always feel like before you hit publish you should be in the positive stage with it).

more under cut...

also important to note replication doesn't mean replicating the exact scene you read into your own work or even the style, it im speaking more of the mechanics behind it. think what about that made you so excited?

the details? ok add more details to your fic in your style.

the build up? find ways to inject more conflict, mystery,etc into your fic.

the storytelling? outline more and really think about the progression of your fic and how every piece fits in the puzzle of the whole you are making writing a fic. if its not serving the story, adding color or context then take it out.

the characterizations? think about why you love this character so much and what attitudes they would have based on the situation you are putting them in, replay it in your head.

at the end of the day we are all using the same basic writing mechanics. try to identify what literary mechanic felt magical or special about one of your fav fics then implement that.

you will know you've done it when you feel it. imo, you can't make anyone feel something for your story you don't already feel when you are writing it or rereading it. ngl, i cried a bit when reader was crying in p3 plug!choso. and when im writing my best smut, you best believe im legitimately writing it with one hand lmfaoooo.

so it really all comes down to you. tap into your own emotions and let it spill out on the page.

i wouldnt worry so much about what people think when they read it or what they would like. fanfics are at the end of the day for pretty hardcore fans of a series/show/game, and they usually share a variety of interests too. so if you like something theres like an 85% chance the person you are reading it is gonna like it too.

and even when its not their cup of tea, if you write in a way where YOU legitimately like it they will like it too. ive had so many people tell me (especially the TNMN fic with you accidentally pissing on gojo) that they aren't into omorashi but they liked it in my fic. cause i wrote it in a way where i like it (even though im not really into it either fjhsbdjhsbdf)

i hope this helps nonny boo! 😘

p.s. sidenote, i think this is also why all my good irl friends know i write smut even if they havent read it themselves or arent even into anime. because i put so much of me into it and i love the fics i write so much theres no way i would be ashamed of it. im really proud of everything i write. haha that doesnt mean i dont get embarrassed when they tease me (all in good fun) but im not ashamed.

[hballegro]

[sad irl topic, nothing real real sad but i am indeed lamenting]

did not realize until i started adding lots of songs about loss to my Things Bloom playlist that i've been using it to tackle grief regarding my grandmother. listened to my new songs and went 'aw this one reminds me of grandma'

and then while re-reading the first 2 chapters to make sure the next one is matching the tone i remember stuff like

the funeral procession, driving by her house one last time, while my siblings and mother chattered and all i did was look out the window cause

how it felt going to her house for the first time since she passed, helping my aunt clean stuff up, looking at the newspapers still folded on the table, only the medical equipment missing

how it felt looking at the kitchen table and so clearly seeing her sitting in her chair with a cup of tea and laughing, being unable to sit in her chair because that was Her Chair, despite the fact it was no different from the others

how the night it happened around 8 pm, my sister wasnt in our dorm because she was out with her partner at the time, so i felt comfortable enough to cry, and cry i did, at least an hour, maybe more

showing up to class the next two weeks in the same giant baggy hoodie and big pants to just hide away

then recently, writing the new chapters, thinking about how it felt to be at christmas, already missing some family that were still showing up because of her, down 12 people, looking at the table she always sat at in the chair she sat in, watching my aunt's dogs look around for the person that always fed them table scraps

and how it felt to be composed the whole day, composed at the wake the day before and composed during the mass and composed during the ride over and composed during the approach through the graveyard by the geese and a few sparrows and a cardinal and then being at the gravesite where my grandpa was buried 3 months after i was born with my grandmother joining him 10 days shy of making it 20 years without him and watching her neices from ireland sprinkle dirt from back home in there and watching my youngest cousins toss down roses for her and finally, FINALLY letting myself blubber like a kid that lost their grandmother

just thinking there about how she'd never MAKE me have tea the RIGHT way, never make me an english muffin with too much butter, never overcook a turkey or make the best damned mashed potatoes ive ever had,

how i was angry that i had to go back to college literally the same day as the funeral, but also thankful because if i had just been left to lament around the house i woulda gone nuts

and maybe the biggest one of all, the line im proud of; every funeral ive been to has been rainy or at least overcast. there were only fluffy white clouds despite being late February

it just did not hit me until now that i was actually writing something i knew. the last time someone close to me died i was near 8, so i dont remember it all that well, but i remember and love my grandmother very much yknow. made my post earlier today abt how i almost cried making dinner because she made me go to church on sundays if i was at her house for a weekend, and the music i had on made me flash to sitting next to her in a pew and looking at her rosary wrapped around her wrinkled and manicured hands.

she looked like mrs doubtfire and sounded a little like her too. i dont like her son [my father] but her daughter is one of my favourite people in the world. the first time i wore the pearls she gave to me on my 4th birthday were to her funeral.

i look more like her than i do anyone else in the family, which, as i say that, reminds me of this.

when i think about her i cant hear specific words shes said but i hear her laughing and i see her smile and thats enough for me. i keep the one card i have addressed to me from both her and my grandfather in a special place.

there was one bit, on purpose, though. i needed a drink, so i picked her favourite;

im not sure what this post is. im not a big sharer when it comes to sad feelings, so im putting it here. im not that upset, i am fine, im just missing my grandmother tonight.

one day soon im gonna go see a friend, and show them the right way to make a pot of tea, i think. hell, maybe i'll get up and brew a pot right now, the right way. i dont have a cozy, but i dont think grandma will mind. ill even use the teacup she gave me :]

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[baekhvuns]

HIIII BAEKSSSSS I missed you 😔 how are you? Wsp? How's everything?

Man, I've been pretty peaceful I'd say..kinda idk. Maybe the calm before the storm but that's besides the point. I miss your work so so so much 🥹🥹🥹 like rlly, not wanting to pressurise you just GIRL RLLY MADE 2022 SUCH A GOOD EXPERIENCE.

Anyways I've been watching a ton of stuff ofc, found a new pakistani drama 😈😈 well it's kind of the same plot as u wld guess, but I like this one it's like if not a lot then a bit diff frm the same ass dynamic. It's like a first daughter x youngest son the fun part is it was supposed to be, first daughter x first son but he was a jerk and a red flag. So yes...it'd be fun, it's a silly dynamic imo ik for sure there are going to be a ton banters.

ALSO dude these asmr Rps be getting Outta hand 😭 Nah cz i cried. I CRIED. THE ANGST OHHHHH. Some asmr artists are just so fucking good like alanakamakwk i felt like I was in a movie.

Lemme tell u a bit abt it, so the concept was basically, an old bsf comes back into the listener's life not in a bad way or anything just cz the bsf lived farrrrr away.

"do you wanna see the new tattoo i got?"

LIKE OKAY and then we did trace them too and a while later the convo goes deep "i got this tattoo bcz u told me seven years ago, what you don't rmr?" And then he sort of reminisces over the old times

"and that day..I went home, and texted you how much I liked you. And wanted to hang out with you a bunch.."

"that didn't happen I never texted you."

BRO OMG OMG ONWKWJWKW IM TELLING YOU THE FREAKIN TENSION BW ME AND MY HEADPHONES.

And then the best part was the listeners bf calls who also used to be friends with the bsf, and goes "i love you."

In hopes of hearing it frm us too. "Dear...?" Silence.

NO CUZ IMAGINE STANDING IN FRONT OF SOMEONE U ACTUALLY LOVE AND U GOTTA SAY ILY TO YOUR BF WHAT??? OMG.

And then when he comes out to go run errands he talks to the bsf AKA THE ASMR ARTIST I TELL U HIS VOICE *melts*

"we'll see you right?"

"... farewell"

That's the visual representation of me I'm not even kidding. And....he just leaves. LIKE THAT?? WHAT ABOUT US AHHHH *dies*

Nah but yes, I've been obsessed now. At least it makes me feel something 😮‍💨

Ok also no way my old Bollywood obsession is dying anytime soon *listens to bol na halke halke*

Anyways bye bye baeks MAKE SURE TO TELL ME ABT YOURSELF HOW U DOING AND STUFF OK?? OK MWAH ILY 🤭

YOU SENT THIS LAST WEEK AND I JUST KIND OF LOGGED INFBWNDBSK SO SORRY

i hope you’re doing well!! i’m currently sick bc of a heatwave i caught at a wedding 🥰🥰

i’m glad you’re feeling peaceful! AND DHSKDHKW DONT MENTION IT FNDMSKC ITS BEEN 2 YEARS 😭😭😭 maybe my writing bug just dimmed LMFAOOOO haven’t been on here or read anything, ive been in my drafts just giggling and reading but never like posting or writing fbdndb but ive kind of, maybe wanting to write something for fall time which i’m not sure ill post but it’s got me smiling a bit!

WHAT IS THE SHOW TELL ME 🔫

omg i can never get behind asmr, i have this thing called misophonia, i just despise the way the arm sounds make my ears feel fmandksb i just feel triggered BUT U CRIED BC OF IT WHY 😭😭

u gotta send me the link of it bc the voice actor u say… 👁

does our bollywood obsession rly die 😭😭 the new tauba tauba got me going a bit crazy,,, heard the jannat bgm but sad version and iM OBSESSED WITH IT, it lowkey inspired me to think and write <3 got me giggling and imaging stuff <3 in my pillow fbwndbsj

[snailmp3]

i liked the fic you wrote. i think your characterisations in particular are really good.

i liked how u contrasted him not really seeming to care abt his cousin when they were at the 'crime scene' of the house to the point geto gets upset at him and thinks of him as 'unfeeling'- versus at the hotel in his pov where its obvious he actually did care (in his own weird way) and is impacted by (and feels some guilt around) her death.

dont know if you intended it to be, but i interpreted that as a way to hint at the tension that was the reason they fell apart the first time, communication issues, and maybe plant the seed in the readers head that things will go south this time too, cause they really have not fixed their problems.

i dont think wanting comments makes you pathetic. i dont think you are unreasonable to want your work appreciated. i dont think everyone thats commented only did it out of pity. that part of the ask did come off rude and im sorry for that. it was honestly just an afterthought, because i definitely have commented on works before only because the author had a note talking about how sad they were that they got no interactions. doesnt mean i was lying in those comments, but it was a fact that i did do it because i felt bad. but that was not necessary or very helpful to say so im sorry.

its just that saying 'hey i appreciate comments' is a lottt different to 'nobody is commenting. do you all hate my work and me? should i go fuck myself?'. i think that if what u want is genuine interaction, that strategy isnt going to work. your writing is good and i just think u are shooting yourself in the foot a bit.

im glad you liked it ig?

forgive me for not being super enthusiastic, your original message was one of the first things i saw this morning (bitches be chronically online. im bitches) and it threw my entire morning off. maybe ive been stressed lately, and maybe im a deeply insecure person, but i genuinely cried because i am trying very very hard to be confident in the things i create but the internet is largely an uncaring void and its very lonely.

i get that you didnt mean to be hurtful with your message, and what you were trying to say. guilt tripping your audience for attention is perhaps unpleasant. i just... i think theres a disconnect between people "consuming content" and the people who are creating art that is only really bridged by interaction

"make things for yourself" is one of those things people like to tote as the be-all end-all of creating fanworks, and its very important, but its hard

my lamentation about not getting any comments is maybe unpleasant to read, or makes you feel awkward, but im a person behind the words im sharing and im trying to start a conversation that people mostly seem to be uninterested in joining

whatever, maybe i should try to find more joy in the creating rather than the sharing, and take a break from posting for a while. waiting for feedback that im not going to get is just stressful and upsetting

[queernoctis]

is...... is asking for all of them to be answered for sephiroth on the ask game indulgence in babygirl or babygirl overload

it is definitely indulgence bUT I'LL DO IT ANYWAY

do you project onto this character?

adfbfgd at least a little tbh.... she;s not my Most projecting character but it is there. projecitng Undiagnosed but Im Pretty Sure onto her

2. did you always like this character?

ive always been fascinated by her tbh. my first exposure to her was in kingdom hearts, and years before playing ff7 i'd go on wikis and read the lyrics for one winged angel lol

3. what first drew you to this character?

i mean. look at her. i also knew her reputation for being the obsessive yaoi seme to cloud and that's how i went into ff7. now look at me. baby girl.

4. did you initially dislike/hate this character?

NOPE. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

5. if this character were a woman would you honestly still like them? or in reverse, what if they were a man?

very funny question to answer for sephi specifically hldghuoijbtdbf i love her either way. tho ive made my thoughts on her gender clear.

6. do you have any nicknames or pet names you use for this character?

BABY GIRL. SEPH. SEPHI. I LOVE HER.

7. does the character's age matter to you?

i love thinking of her at different stages in her life... miniroth, medium sephi [between ec and cc], big sephi... theyre all so interesting in their own right.

8. does this cahracter's looks/design matter to you?

of course, she has one of my fav designs ever. im sure her story would still feel effective if she looked different but oh my god so much of her design appeals to me specifically

9. does this character remind you of anyone you know?

no not really.

10. Do you see yourself in this character even without projecting?

i relate to her wanting to do the right thing, and how socially awkward she is.

11. How did you “fall in love” with this character?

i saw this

and it was all down hill from there lOOK AT THIS PATHETIC LITTLE THING

12. If you could write effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what story (s) would you write for this character?

i'd write all of me and danny's domestic au, for one thing. i'd write all my headcanons for her life growing up at shinra, i'd write post-ac sefistrifesodos where they all figure out how to be people again, a ton of ags/genseph/glennseph..... god there'd be so much

13. If you could draw effortlessly and as much as you wanted, what scene (s) would you draw for this character?

same as the above tbh hgyhbdg id also draw lots of scenes of her being pampered and cuddled like she deserves

14. Are you physically attracted to this character?

im ace so my interest in sephi porn is more rooted in her as a character, but her design does help

15.Are your thoughts surrounding this character usually sexual, non-sexual, or a mix of both?

yes

16. Have you ever cried when thinking about this character? Genuinely?

not yet.... i dont cry at media a lot tbh [not since i switched birth control anyway lol]

17. Have you ever felt physical pain over this character? (ex: physical heartache)

does the autism feeling of [waving hands around wildly while thinking THE!!!!] count

18. Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

YES TO BOTH. she has to earn her comfort. i have to make her go through it a little bit.

19. Does this character serve as a stress ball/ security blanket for you? Something you run to after a bad day to feel safe or happier?

if i couldnt put sephi in little situations in my head while im working i would not survive retail

20. Do you feel affectionate towards this character?

BITES HER

21. Are your feelings about this character platonic, romantic, or familial? All of these feelings at once maybe?

see above

22. Do you think you will always love this character?

yes....... once i sink my teeth in a character i do not let go. the only kind of exception [gladio from xv] has to do with irl stuff that was going on at the same time, so.

23. Has this character permanently altered or impacted your psyche in a way you won’t forget?

she ruined my life. and i made a new bestie through sephicanons so :3

24.Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.

NO i just dream weird life shit. it sucks.

25. What kind of fan-fiction do you read about this character? If you don’t read fan-fics about them, why not?

im ngl i mostly read porn lhdibguhnhdfg but i have dabbled in some general angst or hurt/comfort fic for her too. shout out to NightOfTeeth on ao3 for writing kinky dom/sub genseph that also works as very good character studies

26. If you look for this character’s name on AO3, what tags are you including or excluding?

+bottom sephiroth, +omega sephiroth, +alpha/beta/omega dynamics, sometimes stuff like incest or sexual abuse if im feeling particularly spicy

27. Do you like to ship this character with other characters or do you prefer not to?

ask my just under 30k word ags omegaverse series jsbflhgbtdh

28. Do you get defensive about this character? If yes, then why?

yes....... ppl that think she's a bad villain or she just "went insane" meet me outside the dennys i just wanna talk

29. Do you affectionately bully this character?

yes....... it's enrichment...

30. Are you especially sensitive about this character?

i dont think so.... i am very particular about her writing but thats just because i like her character so much. but its not different form any other character that's had a turn in the special interest centrifuge.

31. Are you ashamed of liking this character?

no im not catholic

32. If you could make this character a meal, what would you make them?

im not making her anything im taking her out for texas barbecue. rip sephiroth you would have loved brisket

33. Are you “blinded by love” for this character or do you accept any flaws they may have?

i accept sephiroth's flaws [she has none]

34. Does this character inspire you with little things in your daily life?

she inspires me to be a weird little freak. as we all should strive to be.

35. Has this character ever prevented you from sleeping because you can’t stop thinking about them?

ye a fdgthyrdbf it's the adhd

36. Do you feel a spiritual/soulmate connection with this character?

nah

37. Is your love for this character a secret from people you know in real life?

my fiance was so excited to give me my sephiroth plush for valentine's day 2023 that he gave it to me at midnight. so no jbsfuigbf [it's this little guy from the square store!] many of my gifts since have been sephiroth related

38. Do you tend to joke more about dying or killing for this character? Both? What causes the distinction?

i would die for her.... as post-nibel sephi would expect me too jbddyfg

39. Do you feel lovesick over this character?

no just the previously mentioned BITES HER

40. Are you very empathetic towards this character? When they feel a certain way in the story, do you feel those emotions too?

SHE MAKES ME. SO SAD. shes def one of those characters where im like "i totally see where youre coming from queen, go off. get that twink."

41. Do you prefer to interact with this character directly via self-insert/reader type content? Or do you enjoy seeing them mostly with other characters in the story and/or your OCs?

ive never been into self insert or reader stuff j;lbgdrfg no shade to anyone that likes that its just not for me. im more interested in treating characters like barbie dolls and just putting them in weird situations. as for OCs they tend to be like, fankids jbgrtd. lucia and ifalna lodbrok i love you so much.

42. If you could, would you write this character a song or poem?

i would write her a song... i actually really like singing but i have no idea how to make music sfdbdfg

43. What type of weather makes you think of this character?

cool, rainy weather

44. Which season makes you think of this character?

winter

45. Do you feel as if you are intimately familiar with this character?

to paraphrase bdg, i am the master chief of sephiroth

46. How much do bad interpretations of this character upset you?

not significantly. like i'll go off on discord over it for a bit but i wont fixate on it. this is how you survive in fandom.

47. Does this character ever make you laugh sincerely?

absolutely dsbdg at the end of the nibel protorelics questline where shes there and gilgamesh just Shows Up.... i could practically feel her being like "wtf is this."

48. What’s your favorite physical/design feature for this character?

it's between her hair and her eyes... i love her kitty eyes, and i have a well documented Thing for characters with white/silver hair.

49. What’s your favorite personality trait in this character?

SHE'S SO COMPASSIONATE... SHE TRIES SO HARD TO BE A GOOD PERSON EVEN IN HER CIRCUMSTANCES.... SHE WANTED TO BE AN ACTUAL HERO....

50. link your fav song, playlist, aesthetic board, fan-fiction, reference pile, personal artwork, analysis post, meme, headcanon, or quote for this character. Whichever one (s) you are most comfortable with!

MY SEPHI PINTERST BOARD and honestly just go to my art tag or my ao3 and most of it is sephi. she took over my brain

[midwestdiscontent24]

the horvath of it all part 2

so i know my last post was less than 12 hours ago, but i still want to write so im going it because whose going to tell me i cant?

I think i want to write a book of personal essays. It feels like that would be easier than writing fiction, because all the things have actually happened to me already. Granted, im probably way underestimating how hard and labor intensive writing a book is, but i have things to say that i want people to read. Thats why im writing on here instead of my physical journal or a google doc.

Last october i read all of samantha irbys essay books so of course i wanted to write my own and i actually started to try and do it but of course i gave up and moved on to something else, but i really do want to pick it up again. Granted, im not going to do cocaine just for an interesting writing piece, a la hannah horvath, but i might consider it if im hard up for material.

Or maybe i just want to write online. i mean, thats a thing now. I could start writing a blog and get super popular online. I wish magazines were still a thing. i guess i could make a zine, but thats alot of work and ive done that before and only ended up making one. But to be fair it did look really cool when it was done.

I feel like i have all this creative talent that i just never really do anything with. I can write and create art in a non traditional way; like i cant really draw all that well but i can make a good collage and im relatively good at cross stitch and im good at matching colors.

Part of me feels like im atrophied. not just creatively, but in life in general. Which really should be the opposite of how i feel. In april i moved into my first solo apartment and as much as i love living alone, yeah its kinda lonely. My old roommate moved to wisconsin to be with his girlfriend so now i have this wonderful big one bedroom and i adore it and being able to be the master of my space but i get lonely sometimes and end up rotting in bed for hours on end. I think it would help if i had more friends, but meeting and liking new people has never been my thing. At least not in my adult life.

not to switch up topics so quickly, but i think i want to start reading again. At least i like the notion and idea of reading. I have an almost full book shelf in my living room and more than half of the books on it are ones i havent read yet. And my problem is i just keep buying more. Its not like im having people over all the time that i want to impress with my massive literary collection so i dont know why i keep buying them other than its an aspirational thing, like if i have them it might motivate me to actually read them rather than letting them sit and collect dust while i rewatch the devil wears prada for the millionth time. my other problem is that i keep rereading the same books over and over instead of reading the brand new ones that i have. I do the same thing with tv shows and movies and music. Its like i can only live in the past.

That may just be like, a life problem that i have. Im a huge sucker for nostalgia and remembering old times in a rosy light. The other day i was nostalgic for 2021. Thats fucking pathetic, especially considering that i was living in my aunts basement and working at subway during that time. But i always sugar coat the past, thats why i can never move on. Half of the conversations i have with my mother start with me saying "do you remember when". The other day i booted up my old ipod and found a bootleg of a 5sos song thats not on streaming and i literally cried listening to it and remembering what it was like to listen to that same song when i was in high school.

[bookwyrminspiration]

You are like a book character thats just. Yeah what did i expect from a name like that bnfjfjfjf

Yo on the reading tho!?? I feel the revitalized pjo interest im staring at my pjo books like. Soon soon i will get to u (THO IM MISSING A FEW OF THEM AND I DONT KNOW WHERE THEYVE GONE. THEYVE BEEN STOLEN I SWEAR) i actually have been trying to read actual books again and!!! I finished one finally!!! Only took me like a month bmgkfkfk i finished call down the hawk and my local library is ab to murder me for how long ive had it-

Dude okay so i work at a movie theater right and ive wanted to see boy and the heron so badly ive just been so busy im staring at it and like ten other movies like pls i need free time. Other than that i got baldurs gate 3 and have been wandering through a world download for a minecraft series i like. And im once again cursed by my inability to finish fics so my solution is write all of it then post and now i have like two 15k wips just sitting in my notes app ive been trying to finish for like two years T-T

I've read so many books I've started to become them, and honestly? There are worst fates. I think I'd make a good like...wise character. Like the one the main character goes to when they have a question and I pull on information I don't explain how I got and set them on their quest or something. Or they discover a cursed magic item and they're like, well Quil probably knows something useful. And then I do.

Anyway! Congrats on the reading! I actually did so much reading, writing, and drawing the past week that I gave myself a headache three days in a row. Like I legit had to just sit for an hour yesterday doing nothing. I've been meaning to read Call Down the Hawk since it came out--I actually started it back then, but for some reason I only got to the part right after the crabs(?) in the dorm where Ronan gets kicked out, and then cries(?) in the garden(?). But I fully intend to return to it, I love the world of trc. And Ronan's my favorite. so.

and the pjo thing!! i've been blasting through them at the rate of about one a day just like oh my god I forgot how much I loved these. the writing style is just so fun. currently half-way through mark of athena, but I had to stop because I do this thing every year where the first book I read is a twilight book for shits and giggles, so I gotta finish life and death before I go back to it (i'm already about 3/4ths of the way done so not a huge detour).

Oh right the boy and the heron! I forgot I mentioned that--I saw it yesterday! I'll admit it did contribute to my headache, because big bright screen in a dark room is...not great. my laptop gives me headaches sometimes, but anyway. I don't think it's my favorite ghibli film, but it had a draw to it. it's quite beautiful, and it's thought provoking in its way. very ghibli-esque.

bg3!! I haven't played myself (doesn't seem my kind of game), but I will admit I did have a few moments of just being enraptured by astarion. which is so cliche of me, but what can I say? his dialogue was funny.

good luck with all of your fics though--I've got a handful that are just waiting to be edited before I post them. but the wings au and then gift exchanges took precedent, so they've been sitting a while. but! those are over now! so I plan to edit and finally post them soon. I've also got this kotlc book 1 but from fitz's pov project in the works I'm very excited to return to :)

anyway, it is very nice to hear from you tater!! giving you the biggest high five rn o7 spicy gatorade or something

[the-kipsabian]

So. What I think about you. It’ll take some telling to get there. Might get a bit sappy but here goes nothing.

So I’m a pretty new fan of wrestling, less than a year of proper watching still. It was a bit of a spontaneous thing, a friend made watching another sport would post things, and eventually I decided to take a peek and see what all the fuss was about. And in the end, I really enjoyed what I saw. I could get into that, but it’s not exactly important to where I’m going with this.

I don’t remember exactly when I first saw Kip. It was after his feud with OC, but still close to new years. And I thought, geez this guy is neat. Had no idea what was going on with any of his past work, I just liked the way he moved, I guess. So I thought, let me dig a little deeper into this. Eventually I ended up at your blog, and let me tell you, you were a hell of a resource to this baby fan. I’ve always been a bit nervous about following new people (had some bad experiences in the past I’m not eager to repeat) so I think I sort of lurked a while before I actually hit that follow, probably by accident honestly.

So then was Kip and Penny’s trip to Japan, and this is where I got introduced to Chris Brookes, who I’m not sure I even have words for how fond I am of him now. So I very much attribute that to you, and I’m pretty thankful for the introduction to an absolute bastard giraffe man who I adore.

Eventually I got a bit more settled into my new interest, started posting a bit on tumblr, reblogging gifs and the like. And then, just like how I got into wrestling, another fairly distant mutual joked about being interested in what they were seeing. So we talked a bit, I recommended some of what got me interested, and I think in the end that got me a new friend. In a way, I can wrap that back around to you, too.

I see that you struggle a lot. Sometimes it’s with writing, or art. You still make cool things, and I’m pretty awed by that. I’m looking forward to what you’ll make next. I doodled a rabbit on the back of a shopping list today, for the first time in months. It felt like a little victory. I wonder sometimes if your writing, your art, feels like that too. I’ll still celebrate it as if it is.

I’m not really sure how to end this. I guess I just want to say, we aren’t exactly friends, or at least, I don’t feel I can claim that we are right now. But I do think about you, and root for you. And in myriad little ways, you’ve changed my life. That feels a little strange to write, but it’s not untrue. I suppose no one can really know what impact we have on anyone else. At any rate, I hope you’re doing well, I saw you were sick this week.

-🐓

first of all: CHICKEN ANON YOURE BACK HELLO!! its been a while i hope youre doing well! 💜

legit when i read this first thing in the morning, i fucking cried. just.. theres a lot to unpack here, i try not to ramble but this. something like this is literally why ive been keeping on posting everything i do despite occasionally feeling like theres no point to sharing anything. ive always been telling myself that i first do it for myself, and then share it in case theres someone somewhere down the line that might be looking for this content later

and to hear that there is even one (1) person literally like this out there, using my blog and the content i put out to familiarize themselves with my blorbo, im... like oh my god 💜💜

im really glad it has helped you make friends too 💜 and while i dont know who you are, i would consider us friends no matter what tho, especially after hearing this. so glad things like this have helped you to get more into the community, thats amazing! and to touch up on the art thing, yeah its hard at times to pick things up again after a long while of not doing anything - i literally wrote a drabble last night after not writing anything for a week and i havent even seen my drawing tablet in like two months now lmao - but im so happy to hear about your grocery list rabbit!! little doodles here and there are definitely better than nothing, especially if you enjoy doing them!

youre so precious anon, i hope youre having a good day. im still slightly sick, getting better now thankfully so i should be fully operational the next few days and oooooh when that happens its all over you fuckers when i get back to writing (this is affectionate i swear LMAO)

thank you, i love you 💜

[dogydayz]

Prison Breakers AU WIP fic (?)

KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT

COME GET YALLS SHIT. I hope yall enjoy what ive got here, i'll be exploring and explaining the full custom lore I've got going alongside some of the crazy ideas ive got for these bastards. It's written in a way that's meant to allow folks who've never read the original comics fully to know what's happening, since it's different enough and such. Please remember that this IS a Zonourge fic, it's just. Kinda a slow burn and planned pining and shit. Standard "oh i totally dont care about him i just did this because it was practical!" from Scourge before he has a breakdown over some events. The usual. It features one of my fav headcanons which is that while severely emotionally repressed, Scourge cries way easier and way harder than Sonic. Like, gross-cries, because if he mirrors him then I think that'd make sense.

So yeah. Also be aware that there's like, one part that's a bit darker in implications than the rest, even with the whole thing having like. torture and abuse having happened. just highlight the black blocked text and you can read it if you'd like to.

Also since Zonic has like. No proper lore my Zonic here has a whole story and planned powers and shit, be on the lookout for that if it interests you!

Feel free to reblog with ur thoughts or send me asks about the AU and whatnot! I have a lot planned but some things wont be properly displayed thru the writing (worldbuilding stuff thats interesting but not important to the story).

PLEASE READ THE TAGS ON THIS POST i've put some Content Warnings there for what i feel may upset many folks

[r0b0t1me]

"#sorry i can only make snippets of scenes and never elaborate on them#unless someone asked me to. huehue" i am begging. you to elaborate the "train me" sketch on the upper right 🥹 and any jr. hcs you have that u wanna talk abt (but only if u want).... also pls your coloring and expressions are INSANE but this is nothing i havent told u before!!!!!!!!! i just think your sketches have so much story bleeding out of them. its great

so funny thing about the train me one....

some of these are ideas i know ive talked about already, but im pulling a lot from idw where casey copes with fear/anger/insecurity by picking fights and attempting to be a vigilante. leos always the one who portals him out of jail and patches him up but the more i think about it, raph could help in managing his anger or taking it out in a more productive way (duo missions perhaps?), even if he cant unpack the mountain of trauma caseys got on his shoulders

i cant help it that the scene where casey cusses out leo is engraved in my brain forever. the kids a jones, on top of the constant violence in his life, anger feels like something that would come pretty naturally to him in order to cope* (i know he was raised to be a soldier, following orders and keeping a check on his emotions to carry things out, so i feel like the moment he doesnt have to fight a war and keep himself in line for the sake of other people anymore everything just kind of pours out of him) donnie has easily spent 1000$ in new sandbags for the dojo

*not that i think casey is inherently violent or always upset. but i think the kids a bit messed up sometimes from the. yknow the Everything

from riches and wonders by the mountain goats. casey jones, the restless ghost who cant feel at home

actually yknow what lets make this post a mile long who cares. i wanna explore casey hanging out with all the boys. i know i focus a lot on him and leo bc their dynamic is so twisted but i need to draw him hanging with mikey, learning to cope with self expression that he never got the real chance to do in wartime. him being around donnie and the two of them both learning they can support each other while still trying to protect their family in their own way (talking mainly abt casey helping donnie with his tech here, since donnies neurotic as hell abt security after the movie to me). casey getting to know raph in general, a living legend to him. and of course cassandra, something i was too afraid to touch on before but now i think im confident enough to try and tackle at this point

i dont think ill ever get around to writing a whole story but i know eventually casey finds stability. in my mind i see him getting a job where he helps people (something in a medical field, maybe). he has a good relationship with his family, and practically lives with them 75% of the time. leo is the one hes closest to, of course. he travels the world alone after a few years and cries over fleo never getting to see it, but knows that wherever his master is that hes at peace, knowing that at least casey had the chance

i have more to talk about but im running out of steam and im starting to get embarrassingly heartfelt the longer i ramble so um- (EXPLODES)