#i dont think this is that coherent probably but oh well

[mamawasatesttube]

have any thoughts on transfem tim? 🙏

in all honesty i've been a little no thoughts head empty the past few days bc ive been sick but i'm certain if i wait longer to answer this i WILL forget about it. so. apologies in advance bsdhkjs

generally my tim is genderfluid transmasc (who goes so hard on being transmasc that he then has a second, later gender crisis over feeling dysphoric about being TOO masc and Not Fem Enough some days, and then has to figure out how to trans his gender back in the other direction a little bit, and is generally kind of bonkers about the entire thing because of the repression and the internalized issues etc etc.) so that's kinda my default for tim and gender.

HOWEVER i love and support transfem tim with my entire heart. firstly if you haven't read the @milfkon's transfem tim manifesto (you probably have if youre asking me about it i imagine but just in case) its essential reading i think. she says it all soooo well <3 i dont know that i even have anything to add. like. yeah!!!!! one of the girls. so fucking trueee

my personal fav flavor of a transfem tim is a very nonbinary one. (possibly bc im a very nonbinary fellow but yknow.) i always just think of tim as like... gender is a performance. presentation is a mask. it's something he can put on or take off and alter depending on the audience. which is to say, i think that a lot of things like vocab and pronouns are just like ... shrug yeah sure that's fine. and also i think he's always really private about it in general. feels literally no need to come out to anyone until it comes up, and even then, if and only if he Wants that person to know. so like, he has no real urge to change his name, is perfectly fine with he/him but also likes to be they/them or she/her'd, etc. doesn't care if people see "a woman" vs "a dude in a skirt" or something else entirely. it's not for anyone but himself (herself) (themself) anyways. bc he's already always so... Like That about how he's perceived by anyone outside himself, i think gender and presentation just slot into that whole distancing-and-compartmentalizing situation in there pretty neatly.

[dashiellqvverty]

and the thing is claudia is RIGHT about lestat she was right to want to kill him she is right about everything. but of course as a viewer i am sitting here like oh my goddd thank god louis saved him 🥺 bc thats the story i Want not even bc i want to see more of them together like i dont expect that i will (but also i have no idea going in of WHAT to expect) but bc i am obsessed w their obsession w each other. they are hannibal and will. but of course it is at the expense of claudia and louis wants to forget that and wants us to forget that. and for daniel he CANT bc obviously for him this is real life and a real evil being in the world and not a fun vampire story

[bunniwords]

໑ৎ ׁ ׅ♡ ALIBI 🌀

part xxi - masterlist - part xxiii xxii. soobin sunk it

bunni speaks — i apologize in advance please dont hate me

︶︶ 　 ˚ ᡴꪫ synopsis — you are known for your brain rot anime content on twitter. so much so that you caught the attention of txt’s soobin on his secret stan account and became mutuals. what will become of this new friendship?

more under the cut!

“okay, and then what happened?”

“and then i read the letter and she said she liked me… more than gojo.”

soobin couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. when he got back to the hotel that day, he was kicking his feet and rolling in his bed, reading the letter another thousand times. his heart was going so fast last night that he was only able to get two hours of sleep before he was forced to get up for his next schedule in new york.

even with the lack of slumber, he was elated to tell his group mates about what had happened last night in the car. not a hint of tiredness in his bones. 

hitting soobin’s arm, huening started giggling for him. despite all of the shit they give him, they all always supported him and was beaming in anticipation for the two of you.

“she has a whole fan account with over ten thousand followers for that man,” yeonjun added. 

soobin happily and proudly nodded. that was right. you must like him a lot for you to make that kind of claim. 

“okay like did you guys kiss?” beomgyu wanted all the juicy details and he wanted it now. don’t get him wrong. he loves soobin and his conquest for love, but he’s been a puppy with heart eyes and was dancing around the details all morning. 

“wh-what—no?” soobin stuttered. 

“what?” the rest of them said in unison. even the driver was startled by them. 

“i… well, i couldn’t find the right time?” 

“oh my god,” yeonjun slapped his own forehead. 

taehyun groaned as he leaned back in his seat. kai had his jaw dropped, completely taken aback. beomgyu… well, he was laughing.

“you literally had it handed to you!” taehyun shouted, “she told you she likes you.”

“listen, i might not be that social with other girls, but even i know that you should’ve kissed her last night!” kai added. 

“isn’t it too early?” soobin mumbled.

“no!” once again they all shout in unison. 

“we leave the end of the week,” yeonjun sighed, “when you going to kiss her? over a webcam… come on, i know you can do better than that.”

“she probably thinks you don’t like her because you didn’t kiss her,” beomgyu said.

“no-o, she wouldn’t think that… right?” 

“did you tell her you liked her?”

“…”

“oh my god, soobin,” yeonjun looked like he wanted to cry from frustration. 

“why didn’t you tell her?” taehyun yelled.

“sooyn is over,” kai dramatically cried. 

now, you’re probably wondering what had happened last night for soobin to mess up that badly. well, to put it simply, he just wasn’t thinking. after reading the letter, soobin was in shock. you might even wanna say that he completely blacked out. he was definitely giddy about getting a confession from you, but he had no coherent thoughts in his head. 

poor guy didn’t even realize he never explicitly said he liked you. nor did he realize the look of disappointment (and confusion) in your face when all he told you was he really liked your letter and hugged you at the end of the night, before sending you off in a cab with the luggage full of gifts. 

“i said i liked the letter!” soobin shouted. 

“i didn’t think it could get worse,” beomgyu tightened his lip and shut his eyes.

“what now?” soobin whimpered. 

“you left it open ended!” taehyun added, “she’s going to think you’re friendzoning her. i mean, i’d think that too considering you’re a celebrity! and she’s a normal person!”

“okay, did you guys talk at all today yet?” yeonjun asked.

you haven’t messaged him this morning yet and soobin was rereading your letter before he had to rush for his schedule to even think to look at his phone.

soobin’s silence earned him more sighs from the rest of them. 

“our ship is dead… and soobin sunk it,” taehyun pretended to faint in his car seat. 

unsurprisingly, the boys were right. you indeed felt like your feelings were unreciprocated. 

[kentosbabes]

'Just let me look after you'

ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ Word count: 1.6k Warnings: its just pure smut Content: Talking to Eren about why you don't hook up with anyone anymore leads to something unexpected

You and Eren are sitting on his sofa with a film playing in the background as you are deep in conversation. 'why do you sleep with so many girls' You blurt out, the question making both your eyes widen. Eren was known for sleeping around, his bad boy demeanor and piercing green eyes practically screaming sex.

But to you, he was your best friend and roommate who was caring and kind. He always had a soft spot for you, making sure you were well cared for, buying you food and taking you shopping. He secretly loved how whenever you were upset or just feeling down you would come into his room asking to cuddle or just be in his company until you felt better.

'well why dont you sleep with guys?' he ask in retaliation. A plush pink now covering your cheeks at his question.

'oh there's a reason?' he pushes after seeing your expression 'come on pretty girl spill'.

You refuse to keep eye contact as you attempt a reply 'it's embarrassing ren'

Eren only lets out a chuckle at your shyness ' come on baby it cant be that bad. What are you a virgin?' he pushes even more, now teasing you a little.

'not quite'

'not quite?' he questions back his brows furrowed with confusion.

'I have been with guys but it's just not been what I thought' Eren nods signalling to continue 'I never finish' you finally blurt out. His lips are pulled into a cocky smirk but his eyes are soft and caring as he looks down at you.

'never?' he asks the redness on your cheeks spreading knowing you're about to expose yourself even more.

'I mean sometimes when you know I'm alone but never with anyone else. I always assumed I had some issue so I just stopped'.

He lets out another chuckle at your innocence, 'Love there's nothing wrong with you, it's probably because you've only fucked with boys what you need is someone who puts you first like a man.' he simply states and you don't know why but a sudden wave of confidence flows through you after seeing the hunger now filling his eyes clarifying he's thinking the same thing you are.

'and your a man huh?' you ask biting your lip 'is that what you are?'

'I mean they always come back' he shrugs as he leans in a little closer than usual. 'you want me to show you why?' he breathes out in your ear his left hand now cupping your right cheek, you can only nod in response. And a sudden feeling of a pleasurable pain begins to gather in between your legs. 'let me take care of you' he says before bringing your plump lips to his in a slow wet kiss filled with passion and anticipation. your hands are quick to run through his long brown hair pulling lightly at the roots as he bites and sucks softly on your bottom lip. Before you can even think his right hand now moves to your thigh a whine escaping your lips when he gives it a squeeze allowing him to explore your mouth fully. The tension and apprehension is new to you, when usually it's all rushed and over before you can even think to sit and enjoy it. Even for Eren who normally rushes into it takes his time with you, he wants you to feel everything.

The confidence still high in your system you push into him and moving so your straddling him. His hands now grabbing your ass as he moves down kissing your neck, biting and sucking on the sweet spot as you release sweet sounds. your hips instinctively move back and fourth against him, the bulge in his pants now growing as he lets out a groan in pleasure.

'You going to let me make you feel good baby?' his hand now finding the waistband of your shorts. the only coherent word leaving your lips being his name. 'fuckk your so wet baby' he moans out as he rubs his fingers against your clothed cunt. too caught up in the pleasure your dont even notice him moving your panties aside and gathering some of your wetness and then going back to circle your clit. While he continues his work on your neck, he carefully picks you up, your legs wrapped around his waist 'lets go to my room yeah' he breathes out. The thought of you being the first and only girl who he's going to fuck senseless on his own bed goes straight to his dick which gets even harder.

Once he's sat you down on his bed he's taking off his top exposing his toned chest and abs. Your eyes scanning all over his body in particular the defined v-line leading down to his dick which you now see is pressed hard against his joggers. When he's stripped down to his boxers he comes over helping you take off your top and shorts. the anticipation getting to much for you, pulling him down ontop of you and meeting his lips with yours. His fingers back down in between your legs

'I'm going to make you cum so much tonight baby, need to make up for lost time' he says before his fingers go deep into your seeping cunt.

'f-fuck ren' you let out as you squirm underneath him. his fingers curling in you hitting a spot in you never been touched before that has your head thrown back into the bed and your nails scratching up his back.

'you gunna cum for me princess' you nod in response not able to think about anything but the way he's making you feel. 'God your so good. look at me mama look at me when I make you cum' Eren says his other hand coming up behind your head his green eyes piercing into you. You hold onto his arm hard your nails dinning into his skin, and try to keep eye contact as his fingers hit that same spot and the coil in your stomach threatens to snap, and when it does what a sight, your legs shaking and head thrown back against the pillow. Eren slowly takes out his fingers watching you whimper at the sensitivity and then places them at his lips sucking on them 'You taste so good baby, I can't wait to put my head between those pretty thighs' Eren practically moans out, his fingers going to your mouth, you open up sucking his fingers his eyes rolling back at the sight of your fucked out state.

You reach out to his boxers but he catches you wrist saying 'later baby right now all I can think of is fucking that pretty pussy'.

'please ren I-I need you' you whine out as he begins taking off his boxers exposing his dick. 'Eren I dont think that will fit' you say sitting up on your elbows, your hand wrapping around it, your thumb rubbing circles around his leaking tip.

'fuck' he moans out throwing his head back. 'it'll fit baby dont you worry you pretty little head just lay back, Just let me look after you, I'll make you feel real good' you follow his instructions laying back down while his hands find your thighs again so he can spread you out even more. He stares at the sight of your plump lips and your wetness now covering your thighs,

'please' you beg and instantly his tip teases your entrance moving up and down through your slick before slowly entering you. you both moan out at the feeling, 'tis to big ren i-i cant'.

'nuh uh baby you can. it is so warm and tight, fuck.' his thrusts quicken as he watches how your cunt just sucks him in clenching as he praises you. 'oh god you feel so good fuck' he groans throwing your legs on top of his shoulder thrusting harder into you reaching spots that have your legs beginning to shake and loud moans coming out your puffy lips.

Soon enough the tightness in your stomach returns 'ren 'tis so good'

'I can feel you squeezing me love you gunna cum again for me?' he moans out his hand reaching to yours placing it on your stomach where you can feel him moving in and out of you. 'you feel how deep I am princess, so so good for me.' his words only making the coil tighter in your stomach and before you know it your cumming around him as he cums deep inside of you. His thrusts slow letting you both come down from your high.

He's quick to go into the bathroom bringing a wet towel to clean you up then coming to lay next to you. 'your beyond perfect you know that right mama' he says looking at you cuddled into his chest. When you look up at him batting your lashes and giving him the cutest smile he's seen he understands it all. He understands why he refused to bring girls to his place

so he wouldn't see you and lose all interest in the girl he was with

Why he would always think of you when being sucked off

because your lips are so soft

Why he wanted to spoil you

because he wanted to be the source of your happiness

He only ever wanted you and the look in your eyes clarifies your shared feelings. You bring his head back down to yours in a slow kiss and he knows he won't hold out long before he's hard again.

'round two?'

Masterlist

[philtstone]

24. Showing up injured at their friend/mentor’s house: for shawn? :)

[emerges from writing this fic bloody and beaten and on the verge of collapse] ill explore karen vicks character in an overly complicated post-episode missing scene fic or die trying! set immediately post "right turn or left for dead". i genuinely dont know if im happy with this but i also cant figure out how to fix it. actually, it would have probably been easier to write if i was willing to rewatch the episodes its based on. which i am not, because i am a sensitive little soul. so i winged it. i think there are like 10 different ideas that crop up and theyre all equally fascinating as character threads but i have no idea if i tied them together in an even remotely coherent way. also, WOULD she say that??? i had to call my brother twice to ask. this is what yall get for sending me actually interesting prompts, huh

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Henry’s voice said on the phone. “I’ll send Shawn over with them on his way out. He's going in your direction, anyway.”

In her short tenure as the junior detective to Henry Spencer’s lieutenant, Karen Vick observed two things:

First, that he was a far more clever strategist than most people gave him credit for. Despite the ongoing wreckage of his impending divorce and a kid who was slipping through his fingers as everyone looked on, Karen didn’t agree with the other junior detectives’ impression of him as a smash-the-door-down old school hard ass with thinning hair and a worst attitude. The man played four dimensional chess right out of a bonafide Star Trek episode. When he really wanted something done, Henry Spencer could bullshit and bluff and battle plan with the pros, and half the time you’d get too caught up in the blustering misdirect to realize his game was intricately thought out three steps in advance.

It was how they caught the Shorttown Killer, and also how they got that idiot Trembley at the mayor’s office to finally replace their coffee maker. Karen went home to her then-boyfriend, now-husband, and, right before bed, pulled out an old school workbook and took notes.

The second thing was that Henry Spencer loved his son. 

Not a lot has changed since then, Karen thinks, staring down the weirdness that she now faces through her open front door.

“… Oh — Mr. Spencer,” Karen says, because it’s rude not to greet your employees when they show up at your home outside of work hours, and are also your old friend-slash-colleague’s kid. “Hello. Thanks for — bringing these over.”

“Dad said it was urgent,” Shawn says.

Urgent isn’t quite how Karen would describe it, but hearing through the grapevine that your department might be facing an audit sometime in the next quarter does light a fire under the proverbial ass. Karen would rather bend a few rules and make sure the last year’s i’s and t’s are dotted and crossed right than leave her detectives vulnerable to the whims of a mayoral stooge. 

In general, Karen prides herself on caring about the people under her command just enough that it inspires genuine friendship and loyalty. The just is important. Care needs tempering – it’s important to pull back, press pause, keep certain lines uncrossed. It’s especially important if you want to be successful as a woman in an authority position where lives are often on the line. 

What she’s saying is that she tries to make it none of her business what her employees get up to in their spare time. She really genuinely does. She’s shut O’Hara down gently midway through the twelfth sweetly-frazzled attempt to overshare about her dating life (or her efforts to befriend her next-door neighbor, or the endearing personality quirks of her last cat – rest in peace, Triscuit, you will be missed –) enough times to be well-versed in the art of I Won’t Ask, You Won’t Tell, But You’ll Probably Know I Care Anyway.

An invaluable rapport to maintain. In any situation, Karen thinks, but especially when you’re a person who regularly hires and works alongside Shawn Spencer.

She’s not sure whether what she’s looking at right now makes her want to second guess or double down on her usual policy. 

“Special delivery,” Shawn adds, like everything is super normal.

Karen narrows her eyes. She glances behind them into the quiet residential street.

“Shawn,” she says.

“Yes, Chief?”

“You didn’t drive here, did you?”

“Ha,” he says, half rolling his eyes to accompany a weird aborted grin. “No. Even I don’t think riding a motorcycle with a concussion is a good idea. What if someone who wasn’t me got hurt? That’s — that would be no good, then you’d have to arrest me. Wouldn’t that be a huge bummer for the whole team, Chief? Gus would cry. And my dad wouldn’t let me take his truck.”

Karen stares at him. Shawn stares at the ground.

“I got a cab,” he says.

“And you are … taking another cab – home?”

Shawn looks quite suddenly like he’s going to be sick.

“Sure,” he says. 

Shawn looks terrible. Bruised face, bags under his eyes, and a weird frenetic energy twitching in his limbs that doesn’t pair well with his general air of exhaustion. He’s holding his shoulders stiffly and can barely meet her eye. His t-shirt and sweatpants are rumpled, like he slept in them, even though it’s too early in the evening for Henry to have woken him up to send him here, and when he thrusts the promised files out into the air toward her, abrupt and, admittedly, Shawn-like, he only just hides the awkward wince that immediately overtakes his left side.

The last couple days have been a bit of a whirlwind, so Karen can’t say she necessarily blames herself for not looking more closely. 

Even so.

Slowly, Karen reaches forward and divests him of the case files. They slip a little bit, because Karen can’t seem to stop peering shrewdly at Shawn’s face while she does it, and on instinct he reaches forward to stop the stack from toppling. 

It does help, but the autopilot he moves on makes it harder to mask what is to Karen’s eyes a very obvious flinch. 

“Alright,” is all he says. “Well, good to see you. Time to head back to the old hay stack.”

Like a needle in a haystack and time to hit the hay, Karen supplies needlessly in her own head. Aloud, she says, in many ways against her better judgment, 

“Mr. Spencer, are you okay?”

Shawn sways on the spot for a second, one fist clenched, mouth half open. For a strange moment, Karen gets the impression that he’s trying really hard not to say the wrong thing.

“... As rain,” he finally manages, then nods to himself like he achieved some great feat. “Okay. Well –”

“Did something happen to your shoulder?” 

“What? No!” Shawn’s eyes flutter closed and he shakes his head, “I’m – fine, Chief. It’s not – I mean, I’m – normal, fine. Fine in a normal way.”

“That’s not something an individual who’s fine in a normal way would say,” Karen says. 

“Uh, is it not! It is. I would know, because I am that individual. It’s – I was – there’s just mild – pfft … stab wound – or something, who would even …”

Is Shawn broken? is the unhelpful thought that pops into Karen’s head. She’s never heard an attempt to bullshit collapse so quickly into pathetic nothingness before – certainly not from Shawn.

Perhaps even more than his father, the kid’s a pro.

And then the rest of the sentence catches up with her.

“A mild stab wound?”

Oh boy. She watches Shawn’s eyes widen with the panic that proceeds an unquestionable blunder.

“Chief –” 

“In.”

“Chief, I really, really don’t think –”

“Inside my house. Now.”

He’s certainly uncoordinated enough that he doesn’t put up much of a fight. Karen herds him  through the door as firmly as possible and leads them in a beeline past Richard’s office toward the bathroom, ignoring the reedy stream of consciousness that spills out of Shawn’s mouth as they go.

“Oh, hey, woah, it’s been like forever since I was in here. Did you redecorate? I swear that lamp wasn’t there the last time we visited. It could be the tacos I had earlier, but I’m sensing a distinct neo-modern Chinese aesthetic going on here, Chief, which calls to mind the merits of cultural appreciation in suburban home decor – hey, is that your husband’s office? Can I meet him? Is he home? That man is a true enigma to us, Chief, and it’s leading me to believe that he must possess all the facial and personality qualities of the pop superstar Mr. Pitbull Worldwide –”

Richard is home, actually, and Karen needs to alert him to the fact that they have an unexpected house guest, so, ignoring Shawn completely, she calls out,

“Honey? Shawn Spencer’s here for a couple minutes about a work thing! I’ll go up to put Iris to bed in a second!” in the finely-honed There Are Many Layers Of Complicated To This secret married tone that Richard should probably be able to catch through the closed office door. 

“Alright,” floats out her husband’s pleasant voice. “Tell him hi from me.”

Perfect. There’s about a ninety-three percent chance he understood.

They make it to the bathroom, only stumbling slightly. Shawn says,

“-- or The Rock. Does your husband look like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson? I really think that would make so many things about the Chief Vick family make sense –”

Karen closes the bathroom door with a snap and crosses her arms.

“Sit,” she says, in a voice that even he knows brooks no argument.

Shawn does. He looks – well, beyond uncomfortable, and more than a little bit miserable, and probably closer to completely dissociating than either of them are prepared for. Karen wonders belatedly if he's gotten any sleep at all in the last forty-eight hours.

“I’m assuming you have not been to the hospital.”

He gives her a baleful look, like he really expected better of her. She only just stops herself from rolling her eyes in response. And there’s that huge goose egg on his forehead, too. What, exactly, he got up to in between Carlton’s wedding reception and oh-eight-hundred hours this morning Karen has no idea, but he looks like someone’s run him through the world’s most aggressive industrial tumble dry cycle and spat him mercilessly back out. 

Or maybe over with a truck.

Sending a silent prayer to the universe that Iris never hit puberty and remains a sweet-tempered six-year-old forever, Karen gets to business.

“Well, I had to at least ask. Shawn. Does it need stitches?” He mumbles the answer the first time, and then looks beyond startled when she grabs him under the chin so he’ll look her in the eye. “Listen. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. But you’re going to tell me the truth. Got it?”

Shawn grimaces so hard at her words it’s almost a flinch. 

“No,” he says finally, clearly enough that she hears him. Karen raises an eyebrow. “No, I don’t think it needs stitches,” he articulates, but doesn’t meet her eye.

“Hm. Alright. I have gauze and tape in the medicine cabinet. Can I … is it alright if I pull up the sleeve of your t-shirt?”

Released from her hold, he groans and presses his face into one palm. “Chief –”

“I don’t really know what you expected, coming here! It’s not like I’m any less of a hardass than your father.”

“Yeah, but I can bitch back at my dad,” Shawn says, sounding like he’s finally realizing the magnitude of his mistake. Karen smiles grimly.

“Tough. Now pull your shirt up while I get the first aid kit.”

While Shawn proceeds to wrestle awkwardly with his t-shirt in a muted shuffle against the toilet seat, Karen rummages efficiently through the cabinet and eyes him through the bathroom mirror. He seems oddly reluctant to expose himself. In fact, in a stark contrast to his usual insistence on making his presence and contributions as obtrusively obvious as possible, Shawn seems intent on shrinking into the aforementioned Asian-flavored floral wallpaper (which does need an update, unfortunately) with all the equanimity of an anxious chameleon. Karen feels her eyebrows crease. Taking the first aid kit in hand, she brings it over and deposits it into his arms, ignoring his small startle.

“How about you hold that,” Karen says. Shawn does, against his chest, like a pillow. She walks around him and surveys the damage, antiseptic gauze in hand.

He wasn’t lying about the severity, at least. It’s a shallow thing, already mostly congealed, and has only stained his shirt in a small smattering spot of crusty brown blood.

Karen swabs at it with the alcohol using light careful fingers.

“Ow, ow ow ah –”

“Don’t be such a baby. It’s hardly a life-threatening injury.”

“Super insightful, Chief,” Shawn snaps, as genuinely sarcastic as he’s probably ever been with her, “never thought of that myself. Totally the reason why I just had to go to the hospital.”

He doesn’t pull away, but she can feel the tension radiating through his back. She blinks, one eyebrow crawling up her forehead. 

Alright then. So that’s how it’s going to be. 

“I’m assuming your father doesn’t know about this,” she says.

Shawn grunts, noncommittal. Huh. Maybe he does know, then, and has just been disallowed from doing anything about it right now.

She tosses the first used antiseptic wipe into the trash.

Goddamn four dimensional chess.

She supposes she’s never been bad at the game. She may as well work her way backwards through the moves: Guster, the most obvious node in Shawn’s turn-to-in-a-crisis-system, would never voluntarily abandon his friend in a time of need, so Karen assumes that whatever this is has either already included his support or not been made known to Gus at all yet. Henry’s likely exhausted his own usefulness in the situation, and Detective O’Hara is …

Karen has to work very hard for her hands not to pause in a way that gives away her hard-earned mental sleuthing. A bad feeling wholly unrelated to her ill-advised hangover of the day before begins to bloom at the back of her gut.

“You have really small hands, Chief.”

Shawn’s voice is notably more subdued than before.

“Do I?” 

“They’re like … little kangaroo hands. Like the mom kangaroo from Whinnie the Pooh.”

“Didn’t you know?” Karen says, not unkindly. “They’re given out at the hospital when all first-time moms leave with their baby.”

He lets out a tired little laugh, more boyish than he probably means it to be, and in spite of herself Karen feels her heart clench. She isn’t blind. In all her last seven years as the leader of their chaotic little precinct, she has never seen Juliet O’Hara look as ill as she did yesterday morning. The usually sweet-faced young woman had all the pallor of a Victorian ghost, and stood so far away from Shawn in any given room that to an unassuming observer he might have had the plague.

There are only a handful of things, Karen thinks, that could have invited that particular evolution in their dynamic. She rips the surgical tape from its canister a little bit more harshly than is strictly necessary and fights the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose between her fingers.

“So,” she says conversationally, laying the tape down in neat, gentle little strips, trying not to pinch the wound too tightly. “Any fun plans for the evening?”

Shawn sniffs. She can see him gripping his hands together over his knee from where she stands above him.

“Um, yeah, uh –” he clears his throat, “you know me, Chief. We’re working our way through a Robert Guillame marathon, which means some good old fashioned Benson, running commentary on the quality of that child acting, naturally.”

“Naturally.” 

“Then Gus and I were gonna hit up the new, the new chili cheese joint up by Hermosa, you know – they’re doing sliders –”

“Chili cheese sliders?” Karen hums, contemplative.

“Buy ‘em by the pound,” Shawn agrees. “Then I was thinking of getting a tattoo, maybe a belly button piercing, I’ve been really – really needing a change – would you let Iris get one, if she asked?”

“A tattoo?” Karen clarifies, cutting off the next piece of tape. The skin around the cut is warm to her touch but Shawn’s arms have goosepimpled. The hair at the back of his head sticks up unstyled, like he slept weirdly and couldn’t be bothered to fix it come morning.

“Of a marmoset. That’s what I’m thinking. With distinctly effeminate vibes.”

“Well, Dick hates marmosets. So I’d probably encourage her toward something else. Perhaps a sea lion.”

“Like Shabby.” The nervous note has bled into his legs again, and his earlier subdued tone has gone back to sounding strained. “Yeah, that’ll – that could be it.”

“All in one night, huh?” Karen says.

“I –” Shawn doesn’t even hiss when she presses down with a cotton gauze to cover the last of the thickened blood. His legs are properly jittering again. “I was – yeah, y-you know me, Chief, total night owl.”

“Shawn?”

“Yeah?”

“What about going home?”

Silence. Shawn doesn’t answer for a moment long and pregnant enough that Karen wonders if her question will be ignored entirely. 

Then,

“Chief,” he says finally, in an awful, tiny little voice, “I really, really fucked up.”

Finally, her hands do falter in their ministrations; as emotionally exuberant as Shawn often is, she doesn’t think she’s ever actually heard him close to tears. For a horrible moment she wonders if Shawn Spencer will suddenly start crying atop her toilet seat for reasons neither of them are capable of discussing honestly. Then she wonders if her horror makes her a terrible boss.

Boss – mother – person.

Oh, dear.

She sets down the surgical tape and lays a ginger palm over the newly-bandaged gouge in his shoulder. It’ll probably scar, but not at all badly. She doesn’t like to think about the far more obvious one just below, puckering in a violent yet unassuming divot. Another narrow miss for Henry’s boy. 

At this point there are so many of them to count, Karen has to question the statistical likelihood of the whole thing. Becoming a mathematical anomaly is, Karen can attest with confidence, not exactly the future the Lieutenant Spencer she knew dreamed of for his increasingly unmanageable teenager. 

Doing what he loved, on the other hand – absolutely. Being with a person he loved, even more so. Karen grits her teeth at the irritating web she’s spent the last six years constructing around herself and wonders if this evening right here is some kind of cosmic karma for leaving Iris in the care of nannies for the first three years of her life.

That sounds like the kind of thing those horrible parenting magazines and Karen’s mother-in-law would claim, anyway.

“Shawn,” she says slowly, because she has to at least knock this possibility off the list before risking her career in an attempt to mediate her detectives’ love lives, “did you … you weren’t – unfaithful, were you?”

“What?!” 

Shawn yanks his shoulder away and whirls around to face her with such a look of horrified betrayal on his face that it’s almost comical. 

“No!” 

Thank fucking God, Karen thinks. Aloud, she says,

“Well, I’m sorry, I had to at least ask!”

“No! No! What the hell, Chief!”

“Oh would you be quiet! I’m gathering my evidence here!”

“How could I – I would never – you’d even think that I could –”

“I know! Shawn, for God’s sake –” He’s scrambled to his feet in the cramped bathroom space, glaring, and has probably messed up all that surgical tape in the process. The half open first aid kit and his crumpled shirt press lopsided against his front and her garbage can is now full of oxidizing bits of cotton. Karen officially gives in to the urge to press her palms against her forehead. “I had to ask!” she repeats finally. “You and I both know you’re not gonna give me much else to work with, and you sounded so – so sad!” 

Shawn barks out a hysterical little laugh. Karen almost growls in frustration. 

“I am not going to risk all the very hard-earned rules I have in place without knowing for sure that my instincts aren’t wrong. Is that so hard to appreciate?”

Does it count as sound police work when the framework for your investigation is an unacknowledged lie? Karen doesn’t really know. Probably there’s another math metaphor to be made in there (you screwed your proof from the very beginning, maybe, Richard the professor would definitely have thoughts), or just a straight up joke. How to solve a case that’s cold before it ever has the chance to go live; a cover-up if she ever saw one. Unlikely that O’Hara will peep a word, and things will be a true mess for a few weeks, if she can’t make an educated guess about it. And no one will be explaining anything to Carlton, either …

Right before their goddamn audit, Karen thinks, aggrieved. She wonders if Henry considered this in his calculus. Send Shawn over, have her deal with him. Offer a huge unspoken you’re gonna be walking into a shitstorm tomorrow canary for her perennially chaotic mess of a coal mine. 

She can’t help but feel begrudgingly grateful, but that doesn’t mean she and he won’t be having words about this later.   

“Jesus, Karen,” Shawn mutters, pressing his face back into his free hand. Karen shakes her head and squares her shoulders.

“Well then! Back to the issue. You fucked up.”

“You know what? I can’t talk about this with you.”

“Oh, Mr. Spencer, I assure you I am more than well aware.”

Shawn blinks at her between his fingers, looking genuinely confused for the first time since he showed up at her door. 

Karen does not bother to clear up his confusion; it’s better this way, anyhow.

“Will you be sleeping at Gus’s place or your father’s?” she asks, crossing her arms.

“I’m – I don’t –” Shawn doesn’t meet her eye. The earlier thread of anxiety is back. “I wasn’t …”

So, neither. 

“Put your shirt back on,” she says. “We’re relocating to the living room.”

“Chief –”

“That was an order, Mr. Spencer.”

The living room is as quiet and mundane as it was an hour ago. It’s past Iris’s bedtime – she’ll have to go up, and soon at that. Karen seats her guest, retrieves a mug and a bag of chamomile from the kitchen, and removes the fluffy throw blanket from the basket behind the couch on her way back in. He’s deflated completely by the time the tea and blanket are set in front of him. Small and exhausted. Caught. It’s a horrible way to think about it. But she can’t avoid the hundred yard stare – Karen has seen it one too many times in people only just realizing they’re about to go away for life.

“Shawn,” she says, firm as she can make it. “Drink the tea. You’re dehydrated.”

“I’m … what?”

“Your lips are dry. You shouldn’t be dehydrated with a concussion.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and Karen suddenly wonders if he’s going to get up and leave. She has experience with these things – she knows a runner when she sees one.

“I might as well have,” Shawn finally whispers.

She doesn’t catch it the first time. “What?”

“I – I might as well ha – Chief, I …” Deep shuddering breaths. He’s finally shutting down, she realizes. She can’t send him back out like this; Henry would give her the stink eye for a month.

Goddamn Spencers and their goddamn irritating overcomplicated lives.

Karen pushes the tea directly into his hands and tilts her chin so she can meet Shawn’s eye. He’s still lucid enough that she doesn’t think he’ll start hyperventilating, but now that the outrage and adrenaline has worn off, the symptoms of shock are pretty hard to miss. “Shawn,” she says again, and wills for him to understand.

“What if she – what if I never –” He can’t get the full sentence out. He looks at her, eyes wide and terrified.

Life sentence, Karen thinks again. The messy stack of files Shawn brought over sits almost unimportantly on the coffee table between them and a memory comes to her, unbidden, of words penned carefully in the corner of a modified police report that she pulled the minute the door closed on the McCallum case seven years ago. 

Date: May 4th, 1995. Reporting Officer, Spencer, Lt. H. Perpetrator a caucasian male, brown hair, five foot nine, insists on wearing those stupid earrings just to spite me. What the hell do you want me to write here, Chief? Spent two hours in the fucking principal’s office convincing them not to expel him one month off from graduation. All that effort, and I still booked the kid. It’s gonna follow him for life, and it’s gonna be me that did it to him. For life. You think he’ll ever forgive me? He’s the greatest thing in my pathetic little world and he keeps breaking my heart, and I can’t even properly accept that it’s my fault. 

How’s that for a fucking crime.

She needs to go put her daughter to bed. It’s the thought that keeps running through her head, oddly enough, like a strange antidote to the impotent anger and heartbreak and frustration she’s feeling for the people under her care.

With all the notes she took in that little workbook, she still let herself become complicit in the painstaking, convoluted resolution of Henry’s mistakes without accounting for all the variables.  

Richard’s footsteps sound muffled in the next room; he’s made his way upstairs in Karen’s absence. She needs to go. She wants to hear the soft and sleepy love you Mama that with her unpredictable hours and regular long nights isn’t nearly routine enough.

“Shawn,” she says evenly. “Do you love her?”

It’s hard to reconcile the smarmy kid who tried to barter with her for twelve hundred a day with the devastated young man sitting on the couch in front of her.

“Chief …” he starts, barely above a whisper.

“Good. Then she’ll see that. Detective O’Hara is a smart and observant woman. What she chooses to do next is her decision, but … you might be – well, comforted by the fact that she’ll know that – truth.”

Shawn stares at her. The tea steams in front of him, cooling in increments. She takes a deep breath and gets to her feet, patting his uninjured shoulder brusquely. 

“I have to go check on Iris. When I come back down, I can drive you to the Psych office.”

Iris is fast asleep when she gets there. A library book lays open face down over her stomach, and her soft brown hair fans out against the pillow, silhouetted by the soft glow of the unicorn nightlight in the wall above her. Karen turns off the bedside lamp, tucks her daughter in, and kisses her forehead. Just before she leaves, she hears it: murmured, half-awake.

“Love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Karen goes back to her living room, car keys in hand. She’s planned her next move in the driver’s seat enough times throughout her career that it shouldn’t be too hard. 

[the-s1lly-corner]

Give me the GOODS

Angst

What would happen if eyeless jack didn't eat for a REAAALL long time, like he put it off and that back fired.

Bc his s/o happened to come around at the wrong time, and got attacked by him (accidentally)

If they live or die, that's up to you. But what do you think?

Aftermath of Eyeless Jack accidentally harming the reader during a frenzy

two things; idk how to title this andddddd i already wrote something like this a few months ago but i think im going to add more to it! beware linked post is very badly written because ! uhuh! anyways errrrm jack being an involuntary vessel for some funky demon shit my beloved hc anyways obvious cw for mentions of. well jack harming the reader on accident; in this post and the one linked above first post of the new year and its angst

assuming this is right after the events of the linked post, or within the days following that i think he would bar you from entering his cabin not long after he gets his... "meal"

emotions are definitely running high in this one, even if he tries not to show it. i mean you were the one he decided to bite a chunk out of, he doesnt care that he immediately spit it out. he didnt care that he scraped his tongue clean that night. in his eyes (or rather, his empty sockets) what he did was truly unforgiveable and he always feared something like this would happen

all of the reassurances you gave him now meant nothing now

honestly i think this might be grounds for him to break up with you; you did nothing wrong. hes putting all the blame on himself

torn between him having the balls to break up with you to your face or if hes going to pussy out and tell you through the door when you try to ask him to let you in

hell if it comes down to it he might even migrate to a new area if you keep trying to come to him and try to talk things out

heres the thing i talk a lot about how jack hates himself and how he was tricked into this whole botched human sacrifice thing that made him the way he is now. but i dont talk much about just how much he hates himself and how much of a toll that takes on his mental health

i mean think about it, overtime his humanity is literally slipping from him and theres nothing he can do. his 'blood frenzies' as i like to call him are eventually going to get worse and more frequent. not to mention hes going to keep losing more of his human features as time goes on. can you imagine what that does to someone? one day hes going to forget who you are and its going to end in disaster; assuming youre still alive and well when that happens... be it because he simply outlives you thanks to his new pseudo-immortality or worse

im kind of getting off topic but the point is hes going to sit in those thoughts and feelings for a LONG time, really for as long as hes still capable to form a coherent thoughts that isnt about his next meal

like the last post had at least a little bit of hope that maybe you guys will be able to move forward, but the more that i think about it i dont think you guys can bounce back from it. at least jack cant. doesnt matter how much you try to tell him its okay, or how many times you reassure him. if you dont scar its not going to help at all

but if the wound does scar? oh boy thats just going to make him sink deeper into his thoughts, probably making him lean more of cutting himself out of your life

no happy endings for you guys the moment this man slips up around you

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

infodumps abt a new au idea (the demon-familiars au, or the un-familiars au)

TL,DR: Reader is a witch/wizard hired by a town to handle a poltergeist/demon problem (Vanny has a cult and is trying to summon demons lol), but they aren't very good at being a witch/wizard and after a bunch of 'throwing things at the wall to see if anything sticks' and absolutely nothing working, they, in a panic, kind of accidentally summon Sun and Moon, who are equally shocked to see them and after a bunch of staring at each other like ?????????? reader ropes Sun and Moon into helping them and hides them in plain sight as their 'familiars' until they've taken care of the demonic cult problem, promising to send them home as soon as things are ok again. PLOT TWIST THEY GET ATTACHED TO EACH OTHER AND KISS PROBABLY HAHAHAAAAAA

(the long initial ramblings/brainstorming i did w the space aces in discord is copy-pasted below, if anyone wants only vaguely coherent ideas n concepts abt this au and ur willing to torture urself, go nuts w it ig lol)

taken directly from the space aces discord, i present: the reason all of my aus are barely coherent and somehow overly thought through and barebones all at once, as shown by the following example (unfamiliars au edition)

weird silly demons/familiars Sun Moon au where Reader is a (less than talented) amateur witch/wizard trying to lie themselves into a position of relative security (bc theyve had to move three different times bc towns shun n drive away witches/wizards that proves to be unhelpful) and they werent actually trying to summon sun n moon so they end up getting them involved in their scheme but oops there is some kind of other demonic threat that is actually a big problem and oops oops now we have to seriously work together to not get killed by the other eviller demon or the cult summoning it while also fooling the townsfolk into thinking that u r competent and have everything under control

Sun and Moon, a couple of demons just chilling when suddenly summoned to the material world: what in the heck Reader, having just performed a spell/ritual they've never read the instructions for backwards and facing the wrong cardinal direction: SHUT UP AND PRETEND TO BE MY FAMILIAR FOR A MINUTE OR WE ARE BOTH GONNA GET KILLED, BURNING-ON-A-CROSS STYLE

hhhgj i just had. a rlly sappy idea for the 'familiars' part

basically like. witches n wizards naturally end up casting their own 'summoning' spell for their familiar at some point, most of th time when they are really starting to understand and control their magic? so to see a witch or wizard without one it's like 'wow they're a beginner' or 'something is wrong with them, why dont they have a familiar??'

so Reader asks Sun n Moon to pretend to be their familiars partly bc 'uh oh i summoned two whole entire demons without even meaning to i have to make this look intentional' and 'if i have a familiar the people will assume im a Real Witch/Wizard and respect me more'

and at one point when they r getting to be like, actual friends instead of 'weird roommates', Sun gets curious bc ofc he does

Sun: Soooo,, we're your pretend-familiars? Reader: Yea Sun: Sooooooooo,, do u not have a familiar? I've never heard of a wizard with no familiar Reader, visibly upset/disappointed (in themselves): Yeah, well, it turns out it's only the witches and wizards with actual skills that can summon familiars. So. Couldn't tell you if I've got one or not, I've never managed a proper summoning spell. Sun, foot in his mouth: oh,, Reader: Yep.

and then later. It turns out. There are ways to make a demon into a familiar! Turns out in the distant past some wizards used to make demons they frequently summoned for spell/magic services into familiars bc it was way easier than just doing the entire summoning ritual every single time

but at this point, Reader and Sun n Moon are close enough to be good friends, and Reader doesnt want to force that kind of permanent connection on them, they probably just want to go home, theyre probably sick of being here and being around u, and,,, u get the idea

and Sun n Moon dont wanna force that kind of permanent connection on YOU bc what if ur sick of them, or ur tired of feeding and housing them or putting up with their jokes n bickering, or maybe after everything u really dont want anything to do with demons!!!

so there's a lot of sad pining that none of them know abt

bc ofc they r all idiots in this au sorry thems the rules

and then at some point there is some big threat/place they have to go to, or maybe Reader gets injured in a fight, idk take ur pick, anyway in a heat of the moment panic Moon is like 'HEY U WANT US TO BE UR FAMILIARS RIGHT??' and reader like barely conscious is like 'w??? yea??????' thinkin he means the pretend thing theyve had going on

anyway spur of the moment/'im doing this to save ur life bc i love u' familiar binding spell/ritual performed BAM now ur stuck together

and when everything is calm again n the fighting is over reader looks at Moon and is like 'so ur like,, my actual familiar now,,' and Moon, sweating bullets, unsure if this is rlly what u wanted or if u went with it out of fear of dying, is like 'yyyyyyyyyes?'

and reader starts bawling their eyes out and kisses him bc this is like. th dream scenario to u

anyway reader n sun n moon are th worlds least likely wizard/familiars combo but somehow they r absolutely unstoppable together thank u for coming to my tedtalk

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 29 (NEW)

——————————————————————————-

Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

Barsen could probably waltz into any room of the castle and nobody would deem him a threat.

Because he wasn't one, He was just the gardener and tended to all plants here, including the ones inside the castle even if those were just potted flowers and the like.

“Say how do you like the celebration party?

They throw one any chance they get so after a while its just boring”

He was probably right, being at a party was fun but at some point it was enough, also i was pretty sure the music had gotten even louder.

Looking over I was pretty sure some of the musicians were slightly inebriated.

“Well i liked the long yellow fruit”

It had been tasty, and cinnamon bread was something I already knew.

“The Banana?”

That surely wasn’t its name, was it?

“That’s what it’s called? Really?”

“Really, they grow on palm trees in bundles like grapes”

I just stared at him, I didn’t think he was making stuff up as he took his job seriously but at the same time the yellow fruit got more ridiculous by the minute.

Well he’d know better than me, I was no expert on plants.

But if they did grow on palm trees it was no wonder I had never seen one before, palm trees were more tropical plants as far as i knew.

Why was I thinking about the semantics of a damn plant anyway?

Man, my brain felt slightly foggy.

Maybe one of the many treats I ate contained some alcohol after all.

Also it was loud as fuck in here and stupidly warm too.

I’d get some fresh air after I found Rikaad.

Where was he anyway?

“Hey, have you seen Rikaad? Uh i mean the new King, I wanted to talk to him”

He was probably still guilty about the stabbing thing so I wanted to let him know that Oakley fixed it.

“Hmm, well i saw him last in the corner with the big punch bowl, i’m not entirely sure how coherent you’ll meet him though”

Eh, good enough, and knowing him he wouldn’t have had too many drinks.

“Really? Thank you! I’ll head over then, see you around”

He waved and went back to, well whatever he was doing before.

So Rikaad was in one of the corners that had a big bowl.

There were only four corners so that technically shouldn't take that long.

And one of the corners was occupied by the musicians that somehow managed to get even louder to cover the happy and drunk howling of some of the guests.

So that left three other corners to check.

And only two of them contained tables, so I only had to go through half the room.

Walking to the corner that was closest meant I wouldn’t have to walk through much of a crowd, a crowd that had gotten increasingly drunk over the course of the late evening.

Not the most pleasant company to be honest, but I bore it and did my best to avoid any sort of smalltalk from the inebriated patrons.

Weaving through the people was at least something I was already familiar with from my time on the street so I managed to not bump into anyone till I reached the corner.

No Rikaad here, hmm, but there was a plate of more cinnamon bread.

Yoinking one I went back to weaving through the crowd to get to the other corner while munching on the tasty bread.

hopefully Rikaad was still there and hadn’t left for some other table.

Oh wait, there he was, talking to Norrin who was pouring himself some of the punch with a ladle that looked way too fancy for my tastes.

Norrin just waved and gave a thumbs up as he saw me and I noticed that his face was slightly flushed pink, he’d had some of the punch for sure.

Whatever, it surely wasn’t bad if he still managed to hold a conversation.

Rikaad shoved his cup away, a cup that I was pretty sure contained alcohol that he didn’t want to drink judging by the face he’d made when he looked at it.

“Hello Donovan, how do you like the music?”

Back to smalltalk huh, not exactly my favorite part of a conversation.

Well, Norrin was here and until he left neither of us could talk about what we actually wanted.

“I think it’s Loud, like a bit too much so, but i’m gonna go outside later anyway”

The obnoxious music certainly wasn’t helping my brain defog and some fresh air would be nice.

At least the musicians could actually play the instruments, and where some of the better ones I’d heard.

Thankfully Norrin decided to leave at that moment.

“Maybe I can ask them to tune it down? I’ll be back in a bit”

He went up to the opposite corner to try and talk to the musicians.

I immediately turned back to Rikaad after making sure nobody else was within earshot.

“Uhh, well, about the stabbing thing;

Oakley managed to help me so it’s all good now, he used some magic paste or whatever it was so the stitches are gone too”

I didn’t tell him that Oakley had to rip them out, he didn’t need to know and besides it was good now, no pain no wound just like before.

Beides, hearing that what he had done in an effort to help me turned out to be dangerous just because he used the wrong items wouldn’t help.

Even if it had hurt as hell when they got ripped out.

I could see him slightly untense at the information and I hoped he would stop feeling so guilty about it.

“So you are okay now? No lasting damage?”

I nodded my head at his questions.

“No, I’m good, don’t worry, I just wanted to tell you that I’m fine now so you can stop dwelling on it.

Now you have fun at this party, i’m going outside for some fresh air, It's way too loud in here and the temperature is not helping my brain to stay focused and i wanna leave before i do something dumb or embarrassing”

“Your face does look a bit pink, just make sure you don’t fall of the cliff and avoid any Guards you don’t know, i’m not sure if everyone has gotten the information yet that you are a friend”

I nodded at him, I had planned to go back into the Ardua form and sleep on the rock Barsen showed us anyway, Since the shed was still a bit dusty and I had no idea how to navigate the castle, Nevermind that I had no idea which rooms were occupied and which ones were free.

As for falling off the cliff, I wasn’t THAT stupid and the atmosphere here was still somewhat tolerable for me, It literally was just a tiny bit too warm and loud that put a slight fog over my brain.

“I’m not that feeling that bad, it’s just a bit too loud and the air a bit too stale for my tastes, i’ll be fine, oh and if you see Robin tell him i’m back outside by the rock”

“of course, i’ll let him know should i see him”

At his affirmation that he’d tell Robin he saw me I left to go outside again.

As soon as the cool air hit my face I felt immediately better and the fog in my mind cleared.

After all, I was just a bit overwhelmed with that many people in one room, not to mention the overly loud music and way too many people heating up the room just by being there.

Eh, whatever, I already felt better and I wasn’t going to go back inside.

I decided that such events weren’t my thing. 

Aside from the tasty food, There wasn’t much to do anyway and I barely knew anyone.

Walking a few steps away from the castle so I was sure I wouldn’t bump into anything I twisted the gem on the bracelet and was promptly back in the Ardua form,

Shaking the stiffness out from my limbs.

Yeah, way better, and now i didn’t have to worry about anyone flipping out about my pointy ears.

By now word would have gotten around about the green beast that was friends with the king so this probably was the safer option to just hang around the castle as a whole.

There was also the fact that most people wouldn’t randomly attack something this big.

And the long legs were faster than my human form which was also a plus as I could get from the castle back to the rock in a matter of barely a minute.

By now it had gotten dark outside, it was still bright enough to find my way but I steered clear of anything I couldn’t identify.

At least the way back to the rock wasn’t that far and I made sure not to get too close to the edge as it probably was a lot more dangerous to get near in the dark.

Even if I found that I could see strangely well, but then again there was still light from the castle windows.

And the stars, they were actually very pretty even if the light from the castle made them a bit harder to see.

Just to be on the safe side I went to the spot where the boulder went under the dirt, so a good few feet away from the cliff itself.

I wasn’t keen on falling off of that should I fall asleep.

I’d end up impaled on one of those spikes, or drowning if the impact didn’t kill me.

No thanks, living is actually nice now.

Settling on the patch of grass next to the boulder I ended up staring out into the darkness for a bit.

This place was actually really pretty, the castle staff took good care of it even if the floorplan was absolutely moronic, like whose idea was it to build like this?

But so far the garden was my favorite place.

I briefly wondered if Barsen had any helpers or if he did it all by himself.

Surely not, he might be good but nobody could be everywhere at once, And just because I hadn’t seen anyone else working in the garden didn’t mean there was no one helping out.

At a sudden noise that sounded like a snapping branch I turned my head to whatever was disturbing the quiet that was here just a moment ago.

At first I saw nothing, which I attributed to suddenly looking at the light from the castle again, but then I could make out a human silhouette.

With the light coming from behind it was hard to tell who it was, especially since they were hunched over and seemed to have their hands over their ears.

The figure let out a high pitched whine and I suddenly recognized the voice, as well as the mop of red hair they possessed.

“Robin? Are you okay?”

I immediately stood up and went over to him to make sure he wasn’t hurt.

He was acting strange and only seemed to register that I was here after I spoke.

And he didn’t stop clutching his head.

I wished he’d step out of the bushes and into a brighter part so I could make sure he wasn’t bleeding.

“Donovan? I- i… what are you doing here?”

He sounded like hed been crying, oh fuck what happened?

I hadn’t been gone that long so what was going on?

I kneeled down, or at least what was the equivalent of that as Ardua and looked him over.

“Hey, are you okay? What happened? Why are you out here alone?

Are you hurt? Why are you holding your head like this?”

He didn’t seem to be bleeding from anywhere, but that still did not mean that he didn’t get whacked in the head.

He looked up at me and in the sparse light of the castle I could see half dried tear tracks that went down his face.

He was also slightly hyperventilating and trembling, What the hell had happened after I left?

Softening my voice as much as I could, I kneeled even closer to him, attempting to comfort him with my presence.

“Hey, talk to me, what happened?”

He suddenly wrapped his arms around the fluffy part of my neck and kept holding the fur while he trembled.

“I- I’m sorry, it’s just- just too much, way too much, it’s too loud, too bright and there are too many people! I- my brain can’t keep up, it’s just- ! “

He had started hyperventilating even worse as he spoke, and while I still wasn’t sure what was going on at least I knew now that he hadn’t been attacked or otherwise physically hurt.

“I’m not sure what exactly you mean, but if you want some peace and quiet you can just join me in lazing about out here?”

Since he was now very close to my vocal chords I took extra care to not be too loud and keep my voice soft for him.

He just mumbled something that definitely wasn’t words and shoved his tear stricken face into my mane.

Well, then I would have to figure it out myself.

Hooking one arm under him and holding him in the space between my neck and underarm I walked on three legs to the spot I had just left before and settled down again.

This time with a little ginger cuddled up to my thorax and hiding in the fur of my short mane curled up with his hands over his head as if to protect himself from some unseen foe.

The worst thing was that I had no idea what the hell was wrong or even how to help him.

I found it best to try again to get an at least somewhat coherent answer.

“Robin? I’m not sure what is going on right now, Can you tell me? I want to help but i don’t know how”

At first I thought he wouldn’t respond, aside from another high pitched whine, but then he finally gave me at least some information.

“My brain is screaming at me, that I need to go hide and that there’s too much noise, too much- everything right now! And it wont shut up!”

He sobbed out.

Oh, he had a bad brain day, err night, I've had some of those, shortly after my mother had died but they weren’t frequent and certainly not as severe as his.

Apparently all the stuff that had happened over the past month had just gotten too much as he attended the party where a ton of loud people were and not to mention that the room was stupidly hot too.

“Well, considering what has happened over the course of the last month that isn’t really a surprise, believe me my brain had trouble catching up at all!

And don’t worry, everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes, that’s just a thing that happens, you can stay with me for as long as you want”

He just tried to bury himself further in the fur of my neck, even if there wasn’t that much more to burrow into.

“S’not the first time, it happens a lot to me and i don’t know why, I don’t do anything that the others don’t, so why me?

Why’s my brain like this?

I try my best to keep it together but it never works”

He sniffled a little and continued to try and disappear into my fur.

Oh, so this was not a new nor unusual occurrence for him, no wonder he tried to ditch the party by hiding out in the garden.

And the fact that he hyperventilated must have been because he had a panic attack before me speaking snapped him out of it.

“Is there ANYthing i can do to help you?

If not we can just stay here for a while”

He curled up against my neck and mumbled.

“I just wanna hide somewhere till my brain is quiet again, but i don’t wanna be alone, but i also don’t wanna see anyone’s face right now”

Well, those were a tiny bit conflicting with each other, What the hell was I even supposed to do with that information?

With his form curled so close to my throat he couldn’t see my face, and it was sorta hidden, he wasn’t alone either.

But maybe that was still too exposed for him?

Or too loud as I could still faintly hear the party in the distance and see the stupidly bright light from the windows.

“I- well what can i do?

I’m not the smartest in such stuff so please tell me”

He pressed himself even more into the fur of my throat, if that was even possible and mumbled into it.

“I- i just want to Hide, somewhere were the outside world can’t get me”

“Hide? Where? Do you want me to bring you to Oakleys tower?

Oakley might even be able to help better than I did, but if he didn’t want to see more people right now then I would just try my best and hope that it would work.

“No, I- i want you to hide me, can you hide me again? Like in the snow?”

Like in the snow? What did he-

Oh.

Surely that wasn’t what he meant?

“i- like when you were cold?

Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”

feeling him nod i could hear the softest voice answer

“Mhm, i just wanna be somewhere where the outside world can’t get me, but i don’t wanna be alone either, and i know you wont hurt me”

He wanted to hide with me, go back in THERE of all things too.

And only because he thought it would help, and that he was absolutely convinced that I would not hurt him.

How the FUCK could i say no to him? I couldn’t, not when he displayed such an amount of trust in me that I would keep him safe.

“Only if you are absolutely sure, and if you get scared for any reason tell me and i’ll get you out as fast as i can, okay?”

He made an agreeing sound and slowly uncurled a little so he could reach my face.

While getting out of my mane he used one hand to brace himself on my face, and his hands were tiny, HE was tiny.

If he truly thought this would help him then i would do it, even if i didn’t understand it, i said i’d help him so i would even if it was rather unusual.

I carefully shifted around him so I had enough space to move my head properly and he wouldn’t have to awkwardly climb over my legs.

He just stood there for a second, hugging himself with his arms and slightly hunched over,

He was so small, he already wasn’t a tall human but with me as Ardua he was just so tiny, and with him standing there so vulnerable right now it was as if a breeze could knock him over.

I took a deep breath before looking at him again.

“Okay, last chance to back out, are you SURE about this?

If you don’t wanna say anything, tap three times and I’ll stop, okay?”

He was still shaking, and I had no idea how long such an episode usually lasted but I was sure that if he thought it would help then I’d do it.

He just leaned forward and put his slightly shaking forehead against my snout.

I could feel that his head was cold and clammy, yeah, he needed help.

“M’ sure, go ahead”

He mumbled out in a shaky voice.

That was probably all the confirmation I was gonna get from him.

So without further ado i opened my mouth, waiting for just one second in case he backed out at the last moment.

He didn’t, instead he reached out and grabbed hold of one of my teeth.

Admittedly that was a very weird sensation, but since he seemed to be okay with it I brought him fully into my mouth, making sure to shield my bottom teeth with my tongue so there was no chance he could get nicked by one.

I gave him a few more seconds before I closed my mouth and sealed him in, then I waited a few more seconds, sort of expecting him to tap three times and ask to be let out.

There was no tapping, instead he just kind of sunk into my tongue, relaxing the tiniest bit.

This was weird as fuck, but i didn’t do it for myself, I did it to help my friend.

If someone had told me a few months ago that i would actually have friends i’d have laughed at them, but now I actually did have people to care about.

And a lot of other unbelievable stuff happened too of course, like right now.

Since Robin still hadn’t asked to be let out I decided to slowly tip my head back, giving him one last chance to back out before I swallowed.

Robin just put his arms over his head, not in an attempt to stop though,

It was more like he tried to make himself slimmer.

He really was okay with this, well he had suggested it, weird as it was.

Tipping my head fully back I let him slide a bit before taking the first swallow.

I waited for one second to see if this would cause him to freak out but there was nothing aside from the trembling that had persisted since he walked into me.

I gently swallowed again, Placing my paw softly against my throat, I was barely able to sense the bulge traversing down before it made its way behind my collarbone and out of reach from my limbs.

Another swallow then sent him spilling into my pouch and I held my breath, there was still a chance that this could cause him to freak out.

He did not freak out luckily, The only movement he made was to right himself and get out of the sort of upside down position he had initially landed in since he’d gone in head first.

He was still trembling though, so I thought it best to check up on him in case he just froze in a fight or flight response.

“Robin? Are you okay? If you are scared i’ll let you out right away”

“No, I’m- i’m okay, i’m calmer now, this is actually helping”

Thank FUCK he wasn’t freaking out, and it really was helping? How?

At least he wasn’t trembling as much anymore, if that was from finally calming down or his adrenaline running out I couldn’t tell.

I hoped it was the former.

“Hey Robin? Not to pry but uhh, How is this helping?”

If he didn’t want to answer that was also okay, but I couldn’t deny that I was curious as to WHY.

I could feel him shift for a second before he answered, or at least tried to.

“I- well- i just-”

He seemed to flop over and I was pretty sure I heard an annoyed groan before he tried again, this time a lot more coherent as the words just spilled from his mouth.

“Sometimes the world is just too loud, there’s noise everywhere and- and if it gets too much I just can’t anymore!

And it’s so bright too! Some days it hurts my eyes.

And then it’s too quiet again which makes me really anxious that people don’t like me and don’t want to talk to me!

But here it’s- it’s sort of calm? Like it’s not silent, I can hear your Heart and everything and I know I’m not alone but-,

I- I feel like nothing can get me while I’m here, I feel like I don’t have to stare people in the face to find clues to what they actually mean!

I get it wrong most of the time anyway, and you’re the only one that always tells the truth so I don’t have to guess if you actually mean what you said or not!

And there’s no light to hurt my eyes! I mean it’s not completely dark.

Just sorta very dim so it’s not scary either.

I mean you’re not scary, at all, you’re nice to me even if you don’t have to.

I just- sometimes I feel like there is too much space and I don’t like it!

But- it’s nice to be able to escape reality, At- at least for a little bit.

I- I’m sorry for rambling, if you don’t want me here now i’ll leave!

I know i’m weird-”

“It’s okay, I’m weird too, I mean look at me, I’m a big green catlike creature with flowers growing on its back and a pointy eared bastard, and sometimes a giant”

I interrupted him before he could talk himself back into a less than ideal headspace.

How about I’ll promise you something? Is that okay?”

“Mmh?”

He seemed a bit confused that I would offer to promise him anything.

Well as half Fae it was binding, so i could not back out, ever.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[ddlcbrainrot]

Same anon as before yes hello

With Monika I think one thing I always remember with her is that she’s very good at saying stuff she doesn’t seem fully believe. A lot of her act 3 discussions is her acting as if she doesn’t care, that she doesn’t feel guilt, that she truly thinks the others don’t matter. But we know that just isn’t the case. If she never cared then why would she have a protein bar, why didn’t she just delete them all immediately, why did she still have them tucked away? She wants to seem like she’s this all in control mastermind but she just… isn’t. She’s doing so much to try and relate with us but no matter what there’s the part of her that cares that she simply can’t get rid of. She can make her hanging joke, but it’s mostly for us and partially to convince herself. “Oh the player probably doesn’t care, I shouldn’t either, why should I care, the player don’t think they’re real and well they aren’t, but I am.”

For me I rarely call her a full asshole not because what I think she did was right (she fucked up), but because I can constantly see her contradicting herself no matter how hard she tries to be other wise. To me, especially in side stories, Monika wants to SEEM like she’s perfect but she knows in her heart of hearts that she isn’t, that she isn’t capable, that she will never be perfect. But damn it, she has to be. Or else then no one would care about her. Monika definitely seems like she has an ego but it honestly feels so performative for me, especially when in side stories she spends so much time self flagellating herself and her issues as “silly” or “stupid”.

That’s a lot of text and idk if it’s coherent, basically yeah I just think base game Monika tries super hard to seem like some sort of uncaring bad bitch but she isn’t as much as she tries to be. In side stories she’s coming from a good place and in base game it’s a desperate place. Theres a bit of malice there, but it’s not completely her motivator.

And yeah I agree that she wouldn’t automatically become a better person, she’s got a long way. But the first step is to acknowledge the fuck up and that’s what she does after being deleted and being pissy for a bit. And also above all the stuff about her previous guilt that is subtly shown throughout act 3. God she especially realizes some shit after seeing Sayori be in her same position. So in a post game story, she knows she cares about the others and feels guilt. How does she fix it tho? Definitely agree on the self sabotage part, considering Monika doesn’t even let herself be reinstalled in act 4. Her worse enemy is herself. And how can she realize that if no one is able to call her out? Certainly not herself if she thinks it’s the “right thing” to do. It’s all very fascinating and tragic really. But shows how important it is to have other people who are equals to you and can call you out or talk to you, which side stories Monika has in abundance.

I just sent this ask so fast cause I really do enjoy some good conversations about Monika that have so much nuance. She’s so interesting cause of her multitudes.

(And well I’m someone who isn’t on tumblr at all so idk about that, unless some how my writing has breached containment dhdjr)

Monika is a gaslighting queen, even if the person who she is gaslighting is herself lmao. She is definitely not a mastermind, or prefect, even though she wants to appear this way. And she is also not dumb, she knows this. But she keeps trying to convince herself otherwise. I've made a post in the past talking about how obvious her denial is in act 3, and i dont think i need to explain it either, if you play the game and listen to her dialogue its like hilariously and embarrassingly easy to see. There is a slight resentment present for the girls in base game, but its also very apparent that she cares a lot for them even as she tries to convince herself she doesn't.

I wouldn't exactly call her an asshole either, more like... a person who can be sort of shitty sometimes. As for her ego, I do think she truly believes she knows best, and she will follow through with her plans initially without taking into consideration the others, but after she starts second guessing herself quite a lot. Her ego is very contradictory if that makes sense idk

That part about Monika being her worst enemy sums it up pretty well I'd say

(damn maybe my deduction skills aren't as good as i thought then... still i really enjoy ur asks on Monika so I'd say you seeming super cool still stands)

[fictitious-fluff]

IVE FINISHED THE GIFTTT even though its a few days late- I was your secret santa!!! Merry late Christmas XD

First time writing for tadc, was definitely interning. Might have been a little rushed and short since I had some trouble writing at the start, but I hope you like it ^^ @colinthegaycomputer hopefully I dont have any typos LOL

Tysm to @hypahticklish for hosting this @squealing-santa! Was rly funn

-

Unusual Comfort

Fandom: The Amazing Digital Circus (TADC)

No Pairings

Summary: A little situation left Pomni alone and down in the dumps. Kinger wants to help.

Word count: 827

Masterpost

Breathe.

That's what Ragatha would have said if she wasn't busy.

Jax and Zooble had been fighting and Gangle had been caught in the crossfire. Obviously, that didn't end well, with them becoming bound together. Ragatha had left Pomni near the stage while she helped the others out of a tangled gangle. A Pomni who was hyperventilating, but claimed she was alright to be left alone. She didn't want to make things worse. Ragatha didn't want to ask Kinger either. Someone who forgets what they are doing every 5 seconds would probably not be of help with the Gangle situation.

So here Pomni was, worrying over how she accidentally caused this whole mess when Gangle tripped on her. And a worried Kinger on the side of his fort.

"Hey Pomni, need some help there...?" Kinger finally walked over after contemplating for awhile. He might be mentally unstable but he still cared. He wasn't a monster...yet. "You want to come over and lie down? Relax a little?"

"H-huh? Oh. Uh s-sure I guess" She tried her best to have coherent words. Kind of hard to speak when you practically feel like you can't breathe.

Kinger put a hand behind Pomni and guided her to his pillow fort. Perhaps a little comfort could bring comfort to the poor jester.

Kinger brought out some water from his stash of snacks and handed it to Pomni. Can't have a fort without food and drinks. "Here, drink some water. It'll help to control your breathing. Drink slowly when you feel like you're breathing too fast."

Gulping down some water at first, Pomni started taking smaller sips. Eventually, her breathing did go back to normal. "Thanks.." Pomni replied, staring down at the drink.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Kinger broke the ice. "Do you need anything? You seem kind of down. Well, more than usual."

"Huh? Uh, no its fine." Pomni snapped back into reality. Her brows furrowed anxiously as sweat trickled down her forehead. Great, she just loved when people recognised she was uneasy.

More uncomfortable minutes of silence prompted Kinger to remember a trick Ragatha used to do for members of the digital circus. He didn't know what would be Pomni's reaction to it but... Was worth a shot.

"Would you like me to try something? It's just a thing Ragatha used to do to cheer up others" Kinger enquired.

Pomni wasn't rly listening at this point and just gave a 'mhm' without thinking. She was pretty spaced out.

What she didn't expect was fingers curling at her sides.

"Ghk-?! H-hey, what ahare you do-dohoing?" Pomni blurted out before covering her mouth, squatting down to evade the sensations. As much as she squirmed or turned, it never stopped. The fingers just expertly moved wherever she went. It didn't give her time to get used to one feeling, skittering and spidering all over.

Kinger followed as Pomni sank down. After a few more squeezes, he opted to change tactics, scratching in the hollows of her underarms.

Occasional muffled giggles and shaky breaths slipped out from her. It was unbearable but somehow felt weirdly...good? It made her grounded, real. You can't really think of anything else besides the maddening feeling while being tickled. Still, instincts kicked in. She tried to grab one of his wrists using one hand while the other still covered her mouth.

Emphasis on tried. You can't exactly hold on to a wrist that's not there, can you?

Kinger couldn't lie, it was actually kind of fun to see their friend laughing. She'd always been so on edge, it was nice to see her letting lose. He liked to see his friends being content.

As Kinger moved to lightly dusting her neck, Pomni squealed. Both her hands darting to her neck to try and protect it. Her shoulder and nose scrunching up as she twisted and leaned forward. Panicked squeaks poured out of her, now that she wasn't covering her mouth.

"You should let loose more often like this Pomni, it suits you." Kinger commented, as if he wasn't 'torturing' her right now. "It's good seeing you actually enjoy yourself."

Though that wasn't meant as a tease, it did embarrass Pomni a little. She blushed as she still tried to move away from the wriggling fingers. Pomni batted at them half heartedly.

Not wanting to overwhelm her, Kinger decided to relent. It was suppose to cheer her up anyways. "Feeling better?"

"Yeheah. Ihi think." Residue giggles lingered as Pomni rubbed off the tingles. She felt so..light. Like a weight had been lifted off of her. Guess laughter is the best medicine sometimes.

It was weird, she hadn't thought that tickling could have an effect on her like this. Or that she didn't actually mind it. Then again, she didn't really remember her past self so she didn't have much to compare.

Kinger grinned softly as he passed Pomni some more water to cool down.

"T-thanks for that.."

"Anytime."

[crguang]

ahajsksbywpqp sat guess who has 2 tests in the same week in the same class next week. Not very fun for me. anyway I was think abt Kafka (honestly when am I not is the real question). See if it wasn’t Kafka in ur au and I was r I would definitely turn her in for the money, but I unfortunately think I might like Kafka just like a little bit ig so I don’t think k would be able to do that .

Reread part 3 today is her fingers twitching bc she wants to shoot something or is it just bc Kafka and her fingers. Ok thats not what I meant but also…what I meant was that she works with her fingers a lot I wish she used them on me instrument, guns, etc. we still haven’t gotten an in game Kafka appearance w an actual violin, it probably won’t happen but I’m still holding out. And she’s the highest threat level possible for a criminal but she STILL commits petty theft. She is so I saw someone say that the stellaron hunters were all siblings, Kafka and blade are like the older siblings that have to drive/pay for everything, silver wolf is the gamer (so original) and firefly is the youngest. Wish they had more in game interactions, or like they had synergy, meta wise, since canonically they’re one of the most tight knit groups.

oh also your inbox must be full as fuck so it’s fine if you don’t reply to everything, esp bc you answer a lot of stuff, and even tho someone already said this ur rlly great to talk to ur thoughts are always more coherent than mine. And we all get to simp over hot fictional women together.

ngl I might start playing ptn, like I’ve been seeing screenshots and…wow, I don’t think I have enough storage tho. I think the two types of characters I usually like are tiny mentally ill ones and hot evil women, so…

im so sorry my messages are always so long btw, I keep rambling 😭

-🌠

aaaa study well and good luck for your tests!!! hope you get a good grade and if u dint i will hack i to your prof’s computer and change it for you

im with you entirely, if it was anyone else in that story i wouldve already called the cops LMFAOOO kafka gets privileges because shes hot and my fav unfortunately… for the finger thing, i think its just one of her quirks! in her idle she mimics playing the violin and like you said she has very dexterous hands (even mentions it in a voice line) so i think she’d absentmindedly move them around when her mind is elsewhere. this is the kind of overthinking i was talking about, when i map out a character in my head i think about the most irrelevant stuff that dont matter😭 but imo they add to her charm a little and make her a rounder character, idk. AND YES i love that her crimes go from suicide inducement to petty theft shes so ridiculous hfjfhdhfj that time in her character story where she just walked in a store and took clothes off the rack then left in front of everyone… shes funny as hell😭

i see the SH as family too! silver wolf and firefly are sisters to me, and both of them are def kafka’s little sisters. i think silver wolf is the youngest though, she even gives off sassy youngest child vibes. i wish they could work together too, having them all in one team would be so nice. but it’s also cool that each of them has a speciality, it makes sense for the work they do

my inbox is full i think i have around 70 asks rn…😭 but to be fair a lot of them are veryyy old i just havent gotten around to cleaning up my blog yet, i’ll do it at the same time i change my masterlist and actually make it pretty to look at. i usually try to click on notifs as soon as i see them but like i said, i just forget to type my answers </3

and omg. anon. if your type is mentally ill and hot evil women ptn is literally the game for you. there is an abundance of mentally ill women in there, trust me… like there’s every kind of character you could want in that game— you could give me a specific type and i could find you a character that matches it, you should definitely play. and if you do, do it before the second anniversary ends (starts around mid/late-october) bc trust me you are gonna be upset if you miss shalom :/

dont worry abt ramblingggg i love talking to u and answering every point it’s really nice!!

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Ive made through chapters 4-7 today and good god, I feel like i had basically nothing to say about acotar as I was reading it but with this book theres so much to talk about for some reason, its wild. Truly, I did not realize how much I liked Feyre in the first book until I was under threat of losing her

Now, I will say that Feyre seems in-character so far, shes still the same woman but traumatized, but I am worried for her. Tamlin is a whole different story though, SJM might as well shoot him dead right in front of me for how thoroughly hes being character assassinated. Like, if Tamlin actually cares about Feyre as a person and not just in a douchy, possessive alphahole way, which he should because Tamlin was not that kind of guy previously, then he would force Feyre to train so she can defend herself if necessary, not forbid her from it. Even if he didnt want her to use her magical powers, surely he would make her practice with her knife or with a sword or even with her bow just to be safe, because hes not always gonna be there

I think his actions do continue to make sense if you look at them from his perspective, but I also maintain that he's doing a really bad job at responding to Feyre. But also, its so laughably obvious what sjm is doing by having Tamlin say shit like "you were stolen from me", shes trying to paint him as some objectifying asshole. Even Lucien calling her "Tamlin's bride" feels like its part of all this, and I know Ianthe is gonna turn out to be a traitor and a rapist at some point, so it really comes across as an attempt to villify the entire spring court for its association with Tamlin

Speaking of Lucien, I genuinely think part of the reason Feylin is doing so badly in this book is that his dynamic with Tamlin is completely different now. For some reason hes all like "oh, my High Lord" instead of "my good friend Tamlin", he suddenly cant say a word against him when he was talking to shit to him just a few months ago in-uinverse. Like, if their dynamic was the same as it was in acotar, Lucien wouldve probably been like "hey man, I know youre stressed and I get it, I know what its like to watch the love of my life get brutally murdered I dont know what its like to have her magically ressurected again but thats neither here nor there, but Feyre is clearly not happy being inside all day and you need a break, go take her out on a date in the woods, I'll stay here and take care of everything, dont even worry about it" or gotten him to comprise with Feyre or chill tf out or SOMETHING but because theres suddenly this rigid hierarchy in the spring court in order to make the night court look better

Speaking of the night court, Ive heard some stuff about it feeling very orientalist but it still managed to completely blindsight me with its badness. Feyre got fucking harem pants to wear, really? And a short-sleeved croptop, and no fucking shoes, probably because Rhys didnt want Feyre throwing shoes at him again. That was the one moment in this book that brought me genuine joy btw, I would read a thousand fanfics about her just throwing shit at him

Anyway, speaking of my guy (derogatory) Rhysand Nolastname, hes so incredibly annoying I dont even have any coherent thoughts about him right now, like, if I were to write down what I think of him I would just write "he fuckinh pisses me off" over and over again. Im actually a really big fan of edgy shadow bois, but only if theyre like, sad and angry and closed off, if theyre like Rhysand and theyre all flirty and teasing and cocky and shit, theyre just annoying and nothing else. And the romance has barely even started yet, I cant imagine how much worse the flirting is gonna get later. Not to mention all these desperate and obvious attempts by sjm to make him sympathetic and morally good now, its honestly pretty pathetic

Now Im gonna be real with you, I didnt get a lot of sleep yesterday and I can feel myself and the things Im writing getting less and less coherent, so Im just gonna hit you with the very last of my thoughts bullet point style

The fact that Amarantha apparently didnt actually go rogue and it was all part of Hybern's plan feels misogynistic ngl

Ianthe's entire character already feels so misogynistic and slutshame-y and she hasnt even assaulted anyone yet

Something about Mor bothers me, I cant quite put my finger on it but its there. I think I do like her for annoying Rhys though

God, Im gonna have so much to say about the Illyrians but for now, its awfully bold of Rhysand to be like "they wasted no time throwing themselves before her feet" when THATS WHAT HE DID

Thats it for now

[definitelynotshouting]

hellooooo!!! tis i, bug anon. i have been VERY MUCH enjoying the hunger au snippets (very late comment ik, but they were wonderful little pick me ups whenever i saw them :))!! ALSO, glad to hear your editing is going well!! idk abt you, but editing is the HARDEST bit of writing stuff for me (so im glad its going well!!). if theres any worldbuilding you've wanted to share but nobody has asked about it yet, feel free to lay it on me! (or dont! your choice!) hope your cat is doing well also, i love him <3

-🐛

I have a few things i want to eventually make posts about, but my brain is admittedly a little boiled right now so they'll probably have to wait a little longer before i can write them out coherently 😂😂😂😂 UHHH SMALL TIDBITS SMALL TIDBITS..... OH OKAY OKAY so im trying to cook up more aspects of Watcher culture and i think. They use entire blocks as little beads for jewelry. Its very common for a Watcher to decorate themselves with jewelry that's made from an all-time favorite block. Imagine if these worms had necklaces and one of them was made from magenta glazed terracotta /silly<3

The editing is for sure difficult esp bc i am being extremely nitpicky with this one rn 😭😭😭😭 we're at whats hopefully the last three chapters of Arc 1 and i have very particular ideas for how i want them written so they hit JUST right. AAAA thank you so much for the encouragement!!!! Im really happy you like the snippets ive sent so far :D

ALSO YES Anarchy is doing great he scratched and wailed at my door this afternoon until i let him in so he could cuddle on my lap for a solid half hour🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 sweetest boy on the earth here is a recent picture of him that has to be a top contender for second best Anarchy pic of all time:

[end-orfino]

I dont have much coherent thoughts and ill probably have to rewatch on my computer to get any details but I just watched twf4 and oh my god. Its amazing. Rant under the cut if anyone hasnt watched it yet

The animations are so well done-- they remind me of paper puppets, or of that one kids show that used real photos as basis for their characters? That i NEVER watched, but apparently it unsettled some kids idk. I think they fit into twf's style so well. I love the feeling of dread the testing segments gave, because even though nothing bad happened, you're seeing them with the knowledge of what happens in the future. The showcase of what the animatronics can do reminds you of that. And everything related to edd and molly... And the fact they watched Susan die, god damn. Also the Wonderland thing is so....so good, i dont know. During the first scene where it was shown it immediately made me think of some kind of afterlife, and its not really that, but i also wasn't too far off? I know that this might sound overdone but it really, truly, is a very liminal space in the greatest way. The banner of bunny smiles thats lingering in there seems to be the only thing besides the neverending plains, and its so jarring there but also fits, and serves as a reminder of the thing that connects it all...I think the scene with "bon" and susan (and edd & molly, since they were trying to find susan to help her) made the biggest impression on me.

I have no other words, just 10/10, wonderful episode.

[mamuzzy]

I dont know if its been asked before, but who is your favourite clone?

Also who is your favourite touken ranbu character?

Thank you so much, Anon, for this ask! I really felt shitty today, and I couldn't form any coherent verbal form of my thoughts about Ordo Skirata and Nikkari Aoe, so I ended up drawing them together in one picture. :)))) And suprisingly their dynamic works well in my head!!! Lately I'm really focused on Ordo Skirata, and yes I think I answered a question before who is my favorite from Repcomm, and my answer to that was also Ordo, so... yeah, my fixation about this character is pretty much the same as it was during the summer. I find easier to talk about Nikkari somehow, probably because Touken Ranbu is not actively in my head, so it's easier to step back and think it through but when I have to think about Ordo it's more like...

(It also doesn't help that I have "it's muffin time" on loop in my brain.) But I do my best :))) Under the cut.

I usually drawn to characters with issues, especially when those issues resonates with me somehow. And oh boy, these two have issues!!!

Struggles, insecurities and needyness they both try to hide it behind being highly effective and practical surface while both have confidence in their skills to the point they appear cocky.

Why I love Ordo... I love highly competent characters who are also a big mess due to fear of failure, so their whole existence is being overcompensated by constantly pursuit perfection. Not because Ordo is really driven by the love for knowledge, but so nobody will find a questionable trait about him. He has to know everything otherwise he is a failure. And if he actually messes up things, he quickly wants to find a way to do damage control because he is also sure about himself, he can fix it.

But it's only go for the people HE LOVES. And oh he loves obsessively. He doesn't care about strangers opinions and feelings. Abandonment issues strengthening this feeling that if he is no longer useful, the people he cares about would abandon him, and this feeling is especially strong toward Kal'buir. And no matter how many reassurances Kal gives to Ordo, when the "I'm not perfect so I'm good as dead" spiraling goes on, no loving words and caring can ease the pain and the dread of being alone.

Oh boy, this is one stressed out blorbo…

As for Nikkari... My other favorite thing is when a character is an outcast, or treated as an outcast in communities. There were few lines that indicated maybe the residensts of the Citadel are not entirely comfortable with his presence due to his history.

I interpret Nikkari as someone who can be seen as a war veteran due the fact he is one of the few swords actually having fight-exprecience, given he was owned by multiple samurai lords actively waging war. But he used to be SO MANY things! He was forged as a Divine Sword, only his whole existence is tainted by that tale of cutting down the ghost of a mother and her child.

Sometimes I HC the swords having special abilities, the more older they are, the more chance they have, also being a Divine Swords also grants them godly powers, but yeah, because the ghostchild-killing tale is so ingrained into his identity that he is robbed from ever being able to ascend to divinehood. Compared to Ishikirimaru who I HC as a the divine healer of the Citadel. And from that, had a short period where he accompanied many generals to war, and finaly he acted as a guardian spirit of the Kyogoku clan's castle.

According to his lines, he describes himself quite versatile, and encourages the Sage to use him as they see fit, he will "change his colors" according to the wishes of the master. (Mind that, this is all pre-kiwame brainstorming.) But you just have to take a look at his clothes, it's plain, it's practical, no decorations (compared to the kiwame uniform), but in Hanamaru he is pretty much collector of treasures, shiny and soft stuff, loves to eat, so he desires to have nice things. I think this is one of the reason I really love to HC him to be friends with Hachisuka Kotetsu, Souza Samonji and Kasen Kanesada. These guys are so out of his league, he wants to be pretty, elegant, and being in touch with his softer side through arts just like them.

And these two met somehow... Honestly, if Ordo and Nikkari would ever meet, I don't think the communication would be so easy between them at first. Because Nikkari is constantly using puns and innuendos in his speech. Also, Nikkari's facial expression is not always easy to read either due to always smiling (also inherited from the Ghost lady). But hey, Ordo grown to like Fi as well! Fi is just not a pervert - canonically... :DDD But yeah, Nikkari also pretty much knows how to push buttons, and find a way to tease Ordo. Ordo would chase him through the whole citadel for it. But also I think Nikkari would understand him. Burdens of the past are there, Nikkari suffers from the thing he can't change and never was in his control to begin with. Ordo (and his brothers) suffers from mistreating then being labeled as a reject when they didn't meet with the expectations. Also I think a clonefied Nikkari would make an excellent ARC Trooper. Ugh this got so long, I hope I didn't make you bored that much.

[crystaiskiess]

Thank you for answering first of all :) (also glad it wasn't a dumb question, one win at a time🫡). And tbh I really didn't have any answer of yours in mind, I just wanted an answer for it in general since it's really been plaguing my mind since that chapter; So that answer is MORE than enough. And also memory failure very much makes sense, I myself am a very forgetful person too, so like😭 (maybe I'm also just a little bit of a sappy person and thats why I wanted to know and thought: maaaybe?).

Sometimes I forget that people in stories don't have the pleasure of rereading and rereading and rereading their own stories till their last breath, which I obviously can do, so of course I'll remember it when they dont.

Though on THAT topic and please excuse me if that is one question/topic too much, I would very much understand since I can be a bit much with stuff I fixate on; but since I've read "The crystal cave" the first time I looked out for the stuff you implied might happen in the future. One of which was the sword scene (help I don't know what else to call it). At first I thought that scene happened in "The Changeling" when Merlin gave Arthur his sword and they have the talk about destiny and how it makes you feel like you don't have any choice etc, but then "The Sorcerers truth" came out and on god you made me doubt all that because that ALSO seemed to fit "the crystal caves" description (if not more than the scene from The changeling). The one thing I know is that I myself knew logically Merlin wouldn't really remember that since it was just snippets he saw, I've just been looking out for it so I kind of jumped at "The Sorcerers Truth's" description with that sword and magic conparison. I was very unsure if that would still later be explained or not (since I also caught the cloak scene you wrote in of Arthur still having it from "Under false presences") I really just wanted to know if I had the right idea here or not, I'd very much understand if it wasn't possible to answer that, though.

anyways to cut it short I really just wanted to say how much I appreciate your story and thank you for writing it since it's been one of, if not my favorite ever since (if that hasn't been made clear yet) and that I really rarely spent any time not thinking about it (kinda bad if you have other stuff to do but oh well). I hope it wasn't too much of anything and also coherent enough to understand. But I couldn't really not say it, since it's just non stop on my mind for what feels like an eternity now and as of now I couldn't really ever talk about it, and in all honesty I could probably spent days talking about it.

I really hope you have a good rest of your day/night :)

awww thank you so so so much !!! i truly cannot even express how much it means to know that you're enjoying oafk so much and that it's one of your favourites, it really means the absolute WORLD

yeah i love to hint sometimes at the fact that unlike us, merlin and arthur don't have the ease of being able to reread their own lives, and even though it's obviously a lot of words and a lot to keep track of even for readers, for them entire years full of memories and experiences are passing, some things are bound to slip through the cracks !!!

to answer your question (and truly there are never too many questions i love talking about oafk, it's my baby) yeah you're absolutely right merlin doesn't remember those snippets of visions at all, they were much more for the reader - and the sword scene aligns with the one in 'the sorcerer's truth' !!! you've 100% got the right idea there

i hope you have a lovely rest of your day/night too 💕💕