#i dont want 2 get too into it but ive been falling into some bad habits lately and just neglecting my personal wellbeing 🤡

[zipmode]

Stuck frozen in place trying to figure out what i should do for food. Thus resulting in me getting hungrier

[guesst]

OKAY MANHWA REC LIST

CONCUBINE WALKTHROUGH

the main reason i made this list lol concubine walkthrough is a video game isekai with a. a really REALLY cool artstyle b. very well thought out plot that kept me guessing and c. lovely characters. the game itself is set in historical korea so if youre a fan of that id rec. super super good

the art btw ⬇️

THE VILLAINESS EMPRESS' ATTENDANT

this one i started reading recently! the art is cute, plot is also fun w a healthy dose of comedy and i really like the empress akfjsm her and the mc have such a good relationship its great

could be yuri but its not and honestly i love it either way

FOAM OF THE SEA

okay well this one i dont have much to say about cus only 2 chapters are out so far lol BUT its intriguing!! the premise so far is that the main character, having been pushed off a cliff by her lover, is resurrected in a different body by a sea witch n is now out for revenge. has very strong little mermaid elements and againnn the art is lovely. look at the cover!! the art !!

S-Class Hunter Doesn't Want to Be a Villainous Princess

IF YOUVE READ BEWARE OF THE VILLAINESS AND YOU LIKED IT AND HAVENT READ THIS YOU SHOULD. same artist!! same energy!!! tower dungeon protagonist is thrown into a romance plot and now has to clear this to get back home . i love her so much shes so op lmao. anyway its a good action/comedy so far and the constellations are funny too

I SEE YOU

i am rereading this yet again. its so good its so so good you will cry and your heart will feel warm and happy i promise. it handles grief and friendship and the side characters so well the backstories are so !! pain inducing !! and good !! and honestly its so easy to like the characters !! if you pick one thing to read from the list please make it this. also theres this silly man

MY FAVOURITE IDOL

super super super good take on the idol genre !!! i will admit i dont read much manhwa about idols (like. at all) but i am really enjoying how they explore the industry in this one. plus theres some bodyswapping :D and the character arcs are great too !! both mains learn a lot from each others lives :]

they are good kids

THE REDEMPTION OF EARL NOTTINGHAM

INSANELY GOOD !! the author clearly did a lot of research into the era this is set in -- early 1900s, during WW1 (which on its own is pretty unique like im not seeing a lot of historical manhwas set this time) and definitely has some very heavy themes. the mc time travels back to her twenties just before ww1 breaks out, after her marriage goes wrong w her husband and she dies from. falling down the stairs. RIP. i just think its really well written and the pacing is lovely - the author is not infodumping all the bad things that happened in one go and its working really well. also look at this guy

okay ive hit image limit cus im using app, truly terrible. TBC

[antoncyng]

small heeseung drabble because ive been thinking of this plot lately and heeseung fits it so well..

notes: gamer!idol!heeseung x gamer!fem!reader, cyber(semi) love, online friends to lovers

wc: 534

after a long day of work, you made your way back home in a taxi, tired but energy saved for at least a few rounds of whatever game your online bestfriend feels like playing today. that friend was named lee heeseung, you two have been friends for around 2 years now, and in the past year you found out a secret that he’s been trying his best to hide from you.

heeseung was a pretty famous kpop idol, not only pretty famous, but his group (ENHYPEN) was a huge recent hit globally and in korea. you only found out about him when your bestfriend dragged you to their concert, recognizing his face as you enjoyed the concert.

even after the argument you two went through after you found out, you realized theres no reason for you to be mad at him, you understood why he didn’t want to tell you and you slowly but surely understood that. but today, you didn’t expect the surprise you would be getting when you got home.

you got home, turning on your pc and connecting your headphones, noticing heeseung was already online so you called him, his face that held his signature bright smile that popped up on your screen when he answered your call, but he wasn’t in his normal dorm set up? you can’t lie, heeseung was really, and i mean really attractive, to the point where you’re 99% sure you had feelings for him, but of course you couldn’t admit that. i mean, doesn’t that seem kinda pathetic? falling for your online bestfriend of 2 years, whos a kpop idol as well.. what would he think? “hey yn, you look tired. you just got off from work didn’t you?” heeseung spoke, his english getting better day by day. “yeah, is it that obvious?” you said with a slight laugh. “where are you? i dont hear sunoo screaming in the back, and your background looks different” you said, half joking about the sunoo part.. “oh im just, somewhere else right now.. sorry if my quality might be bad, im on my phone right now. i was wondering if you just wanna sit and talk today, no games, just us” he said, slightly struggling with some of his words but you thought it was cute and nodded. “sure, im too tired to play anything right now anyways.” you responded, and started your guys conversation.

you soon got so tired while talking to him about your week, you didn’t even notice the way he turned off his camera and just listened to you talk, not knowing what he was doing, until you were interrupted by a doorbell ringing. “oh heeseung, someones at my door ill be back” you told him, getting up from your chair and putting on your slippers, sliding off the headphones from your ears as you make your way to the front door, opening it and your jaw dropping.

there he was, heeseung with the widest grin on his face ever as he hung up the call on his phone, his arms wide open as you stood in the doorway, trying to process what was even going on. “what? are you gonna stand there or come hug me?” he said, laughing a little as your basically jumped into his arms. “what are you doing here?!” you said, pulling away from the hug as his arms were still wrapped around your waist and lower back, still holding you close. “i wanted to surprise you, i also had something i wanted to say in person,” he said as you looked at him waiting to continue. “i like you yn, we’ve been friends for all this time and i couldn’t help but fall for you. you’ve always been there to make me happy even if we were thousands of miles away, when i was tired from practices and comebacks, even just your voice boosted my energy. i told my members about you non stop, they’re actually here in nyc with me ince we’re on vacation. and before you say anything! don’t worry about my idol career, i talked to my company and staff about everything so we have it under control, just please say yes yn..” he said, making eye contact that soon got cut off by your lips connecting. you pulled away with a big smile on your face. “of course heeseung, you dont understand how long i’ve been waiting for this.”

“you’re finally in my arms, and finally mine.”

[svttingz]

Leave her alone.

pairing: Bernard x fem reader

summary: just toy Santa treating you bad

warnings: none

A/N: MY LAST STORY DELETED ( also writing part 2 of this ) i also dont own this gif

-

-

last Christmas, your life changed forever. 

your dad is Santa Claus.

he made Santa fall off a roof, on accident of course. he put on the coat and delivered the rest of the presents to the children.

there was a certain little elf hat next to the Santa outfit that you tried on. and lets just say. never in your life has something felt so right. it was the same when you met Bernard. the cute head elf that had stolen your heart. 

he trained you everyday for the last year so you could become an elf. when one of those lessons led to you going to kiss him on the cheek then him turning his head on accident causing you to kiss him on the lips. you both immediately pulled away, but then you both leaned in again and kissed once again. thats when u guys started seeing each other.

he would visit you everyday after that till you moved to the North Pole to fully commit to being an elf, thats also when your age stopped.

fast forward a year later officially 3 days till Christmas. and there is a new clause. your dad has till Christmas eve to find a wife or you cant be an elf anymore and he wont be Santa anymore.

so you and Bernard have been spending a lot more time with each other since ‘the desantafication process has began’ according to Curtis and so has the delfication. your ears are going back to normal by the day.

so while your dad went out to find a wife, you, Bernard, and Curtis were stuck to deal with toy Santa. 

oh did i mention how they made a toy Santa to impersonate Santa while hes gone??? 

yeah you heard me

“you know this book is very interesting reading, theres a lot of rules right here at the North Pole they're not following” toy Santa says looking at the book

“Thats what ive been saying all along, every since mr elf number one here got all lovey dovey with miss Y/N, things have gotten a little to sloppy” Curtis says

“excuse me?” you and Bernard say at the same time

“yes and sloppiness means mistakes, and mistakes arent a good thing! i think i might need to make some changes around here” Toy Santa says

“what’d you have in mind boss?” Curtis asks

“well let me show you” Toy Santa says as they began to walk away, 

“i really hope my dad can find a wife, i dont want to leave here” you say looking at Bernard as you guys were walking behind toy Santa and Curtis.

“me too, i cant lose you” Bernard says while grabbing your hand

“whoa whoa whoa, what is this” Toy Santa says referring to me and Bernard holding hands. “it clearly says here in the handbook, “elves should not have any romantic relationship with humans” 

“oh no sir, im an elf” you say with a smile

he glares down at me and bends down to my height, “Y/N was it? you young lady are no elf, all you are is a sad, strange little HUMAN girl who wants to be an elf but will never be one.” he says

“hey. Leave her alone. dont talk to her like that.” Bernard says while getting in front of me 

“and you Mr elf number one, need to set an example for these elves that arent following these rules” Toy Santa says turning to Bernard then walking off.

“im sorry about him Y/N that was a really horrible thing he said” Bernard says turning around and rubbing my arms.

all you could think about after Toy Santa’s words were, “hes right you know, technically right now im not an elf. im just a sad strange little human girl.” you say with a sad face

“no hes wrong.” Bernard says, “i dont care what he says, i love you as an elf or no elf. you'll always be my snowbell” he says with a smile.

you smile, “thank you Bernard, i love you too” you say as he leans down to capture your lips with his. you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer. when u parted he placed his forehead on yours

“Get a room, lovebirds” Curtis says with a disgusted look on his face

you and Bernard both let out a laugh.

poor Curtis.

-

[pumpkinsy0]

Do u have headcanons about or what do you think about a 90s or 00s AU (maybe) where Curly Shepard is a punk and Ponyboy a goth or a babybat? ^_^ Like imagine purly but ponyboy tries to show his obsession for edgar allan poe and curly or the gang JUST DON'T GET IT 😭

wym anon that literally already IS purly🙄🙄

BUT YEA I DO HAVE HCS!!!! o(^-^)o

(for context who dont know, baby at is the name for like ppl who r newly goth basically, theyre just starting out listening to music n stuff like that)

•since curly is punk here and the whole idea of punks is essentially anti establishment and love individuality i will NOT make him make fun of pony for being goth, especially when hes a babybat hes just embracing himself

•also curly is curly i feel like hes a bit morbid himself and would be at the very least interested in edgar allen poe, so even if he wasnt punk he wouldnt make fun of pony for liking him, even if he does thats just bc hes being friendly and just does NOT like poetry

•ill place this in like, late 90s and early 2000s, so there is that huge thing against goths and punks for being ‘weird’ and against god or something along those lines

•curlys pretty used to being targeted for being different for his punk style and such while pony isnt exactly used to that so i imagine that hes more protective while ponys trying to figure himself out in that regard

•some bands pony would b interested in is evanescence, the cure, and siouxsie and the banshees, london after midnight, of course there IS more but these r like more so his favs

•how pony found out about gothic bands was like, a song was playing in darrys car radio and darry didnt rlly like it so he changed it but the song was already stuck in ponys head

•he brought it up to curly but pony was just like ‘idk maybe itll pass’, it in fact DID not pass and later they was just chillin in curlys car and the song came back on the radio and pony was like ‘neuron activated’

•curly was personally not rlly into the song, but hey, ponys happy so its whatever

•personally i imagine that pony doesnt have a gothic STYLE more so he has a love for gothic songs and literature, yknow what i mean??? but maybe he does borrow some clothes from curly thats more on the gothic side or thrifts some clothes

•other than edgar allen poe, he does like phantom of the opera, frankenstein, dracula, carmilla, dr jekyll and mr hyde, also he would like ruby gloom (thank my gf for this hc)

•his art style is kinda influenced by those media actually

•as for what type of goth he is i could mostly see him being like a geek goth, but he is interested in the looks of victorian goths and gothabilly goths

IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PONY FOR TOO LONG NOW ON ABOUT CURLY

•tbh, not much to add for this guy, punk curly is literally just regular curly but more understanding of who he is and what he wants in the world yknow??

•think of curly but actually a lil more, idk thought provoking in his own curly way with a better understanding of the world

•MAY I INSERT MY HC OF CURLY HAVIN AN AFRO MOHAWK HERE🗣️🗣️

•he is from a haitian household tho and haitian moms especially tend to be more, religious and all that jazz, so while tim and angela get their ears yelled off for well being them, its especially happening to curly bc in his moms eyes hes “turning away from god” n what not being a “vagabon” as many haitian moms would put it

•he likes customizing his own clothes, he thrifts and gets a bunch of hand me downs so might as well make them look cooler

•hes a graffiti artist and hes acc pretty well known, everyone knows its him but they dont rlly say anything cause 1) hes curly shepard but 2) his work rlly isnt that bad actually

•i could totally see him liking green day and he does NOT like fall out boy but he does like a coulle of songs from them (much to his dismay

•hes picking up guitar (how he afforded it??? i payed for it lets just say that)

WHEN IT COMES TO THE GANG, they dont rlly get pony being goth, they support him of course, but they do tend to make fun of him a bit</33 but darry, soda, and johnny do try to understand him more, its rlly just two

ps anon my gf said she loves u for ur idea (shes goth, u got the goth stamp of approval)

[meowticta]

Uhh, lately i've been reading about cpunk, and guys i love yall, i think it's important to have a space for you, and people who also go thru things you also have, share experiences, etc, a mental condition/neurodivergence will never be the same as using a cane, a wheelchair, having a physical disability, yes for example autism can also have physical symptoms such as dyspraxia, but not because ur autistic ur physically disabled, also not everyone has dyspraxia.

but i also wonder if tourettes... is a part of it? ive been wondering this for many weeks.

like, i remember being very young, walking was an issue, people bullied me for it, sometimes couldn't even talk, because my tics interrupted me, i hit and scream and fall. body hurts when i hit myself, body hurts and is in pain and tired and wants to puke and nauseous after tic attacks that i only want to rest, a few weeks ago i had a tic in my arm that left me without sleep because i couldn't stop, i dont use .. a mobility aid, but i would consider it if tics get worse... lately it's not that bad, waxing and waning tics you know...

but i tend to hit myself a lot + pain + tired, tic attacks are coming again too.. a lot, i have one or two tic attack per 1-2 month i think which is way better than when i was younger (dealt with attacks almost every week..)

and i always wondered if tourettes was a physical disability, you know, it may seem silly andd stupid even, but professionals always told me it was neurological, nothing else, (and they were completely useless too... didnt gave me tips to handle it, therapists barely heard of it, did not give me any support other than a diagnosis and some medication thats all (medication which im grateful tho it helps me ton))

i dont... tend to call myself disabled because people look at me and dont think i am, and i get really scared w confrontation so i prefer not to .. say things like that, m also autistic btw, but thats another thing, i know autism disables me, but i dont know if tourettes disables me

it's been good years, i know some disabilities also have better days and worse days, but i feel like it's too much time for me, from 5+ or 5-months, i can have little to no tics, but they come back too anyways, and i'll be hitting myself and body will hurt.

sorry if this is stupid, only recently have been seeing tourettes being called a physical disability, and it changes how i see myself too

if you answer or read this thank u!

[kennysboxergf]

Attractiveness scale

Im trying to sleep at the moment but the sleep just ain’t coming ya know so im gonna post this and dip but I wanted to rate the Beta Squad members and a few of the guests by attractiveness for fun 🤷‍♀️

this is personal so like not who’s conventionally attractive but who is to me 🤭

the ten ppl I will be ranking are Sharky, Kenny, Chunkz, AJ, Niko (obvs) and then Darkest, Filly, Gib, HP and Johnny Carey cus i cant remember no one else

also no one talk about the spelling mistakes in this it’s late and i dont wanna spell check rn

Coming in on Number Ten its

10 - Harry Pinero

his hairlines reached the base of his skull at this point and he’s just never really been my fav guest so he gets last place unfortunately 😕😕 i think this is only bcus he violates my faves and I stand up against bullying thank you very much

9 - Yung Filly

ok yall gonna get mad at me for this one but he’s very bf material i cant lie just not very attractive for me? There’s some vids and photos where he’s like FINNEEE but then most of the time he’s mad funny and cute just not that attractive ya know and he looks like he’s 4’3”, like I KNOW he’s taller but he dresses and the way he moves idk he moves short af

8 - AnesonGib

ok so I had him 6th originally but I acc looked at pics of him and changed my mind, I have not seen a single Gib vid like from his own channel, ive seen gib in the Mafia vid, some old Chunkz vids and ive seen his fights but he’s so FINE and underrated as fuck like?? Appreciate this man?? And he seems mad kind. I <3 Gib. I do not know anything about him tho but I recently saw a vid of Chunkz from like 6 years ago with him in it and Young gib? Mad fine but also he looks almost child entertainer ish so do with that what you will

7 - Chunkz

aight ya ok, my BAD, im SORRY but like he’s just not it for me, he’s leng i wont lie but like he’s so authoritative and i cant with that ya know? Like I need a chill man for me im somehow worried this man gonna slap my neck if I talk back and im not tryna get treated like toddler im tryna be your girl? calm ur ass down and we talk

6 - AJ

ok SO I know, I know, im going to get absolutely dragged and maybe even jumped for how low this is but like once again he’s very aggressive and sh and I cnat deal with that, he MAD fine tho he’s so Hahrhdhhfbdnsk but like I rate the others better he is taller then me tho so he can have that

5 - Johnny Carey

YALL SLEEP ON THIS MAN, YALL ARE SNORING AND DROLLING AND EVERYHTING CUS THIS MAN IS SO FINE like I cnat deal with him he’s so fine to me? Like yeah he looks a little wonky and asymmetrical but like? Have you seen the wya he looks at people? Omgmgmmgmg

4 - Kenny

considerably low considering my username but ive developed as a person dont judge me but he mad mad good looking, when he boxes?? 10/10 in a track suit?? 10/10 this entire man is one big SMASH like ❤️

3 - Niko

this man is so cute but also hot its weird to believe he exists like?? I want to climb him like a tree, nuff said and maybe he IS a little lanky but he’s MY sorta lanky (ive always been this way, the nickname for my crush in middle school was lanky tree like taht legit what he called him and looking back he WAS lanky af)

2 - Sharky

Sharky, Sharky, Sharky where do I even start? I think the Sharky girlies on here have said enough for me, he’s hot, he’s cute, he’s nice, he’s funny what more do you even want? And he dresses so NICE and his smile is so SWEET and he’s CARING like omg I might fall in luv and his Hands. Thats it. Look at his hands my Lordy lord.

1 - Darkest Man

my bae, my love, I will defend his bald head for life, Aaliyah has SPOILED me by mentioning how fine he was cus now i cant Stop watching every video ever with him in it, ive watched FootAsylum, his own channel, Chunkz Channel, Sharky’s Channel, even JD sports just to watch him on my screen like he’s so funny I’m cracking up every other second and he looks good doing it too and the faces he makes and HIS HANDS omg dont even get me started heiwkwkskfb I cnat even he’s my no. 1 🫶🫶

Done

ok so taht was my list and now im gonna nominate my mutuals to do this too, you can go for the same guests or choose your own its entirely up to you but I wann see some more opinions so please do it 🫶🫶

Taglist- @b4tasquad @allygatcr @shuuuuush @vctrvn-ls

Sadly that is all my moots, I thought I had more but thats it I guess, I hope yall can find time to do this otherwise its fine 😭🫶

[spacedlexi]

Have you read the new clementine book? I'd like to hear your thoughts on it :D

i hate being reminded that it even exists 😭 out of grim curiosity i usually check to see whats going on at each release but its just..........................................its just so bad...............................................................................................

like its so out of character that i cant consider it canon even if i wanted to......... and its so BORING too!!! its so lame...........its So lame...

it doesnt make me sad anymore at least it just makes me laugh now (especially now after book 2) but like....darkly...just like... Oof...... oof......... but yeah the way clem is written specifically is actually laughable im sorry but that really is tangerine

i hate when characters get reverted just to retell the same story. like its doubly insulting. and its pretty much what tillie did with clem. and its BORING!!! and i just have to reiterate again that its also laughable. its just....painful honestly 💀 the plot is boring the characters are boring clem is a mess and her pre-existing (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT) relationships to characters from the game are basically non-existent. and we're not having any INTERESTING discussions!!! what are the themes what are the messages what is tillie trying to say here? im getting a big load of reused character arcs and what feels new falls flat on its face. clem isnt even a shadow of her former self shes a different character entirely. and she is crying waaaay too much. shes got the anger of S3 clem and not even a Fraction of the emotional regulation S1 clem had. and she was 8 then....

and her naming her prosthetic 'kenny' is fucking stupid

ive seen some people say that it would actually be an interesting comic if clem was removed from the story but i dont agree. its fucking lame and boring. i love the zombie setting for the stories it allows a writer to tell. for the emphasis on character it allows. and this is probably the most boring piece of zombie related media ive ever laid my eyes on. this definitely feels like it was written by a romance writer trying to figure out how the zombie setting Works as a storytelling device. with a beloved preexisting character that theyre Also trying to find the voice of. and we're watching it in real time. and its Painful.....

S4 will Always be the True end to clementines story. its too perfect. and it also marked the end of telltale. it was a love letter to the series. its very fitting for both clem as a character but also as a last goodbye from a beloved studio. the still not bitten teams signatures on the hallway walls always gets a sob outta me. that final goodbye... clem was meant to spend the rest of her days at ericsons with the community she helped cultivate. ive said it a million times but her losing her leg is Symbolic. the first episode isnt titled "done running" for no reason. clem never Liked being on the road. all she ever wanted was a safe place to call home. with people she trusted and loved. and now the comics are retconning all of that just to retell the same story but Badly. why should i give a shit about that?

whats unfortunate is that i DO think there are still things that could be explored with a post S4 clem. shes got what she wanted: a home. (relative) safety. community. however she has new limitations due to her injury. how would she adjust to this? after spending so many years on the road? after having to do so much independently? only having herself to rely on for the most part? these are the goals im trying to achieve with my own short little fic (that ive been working on for too long):

she would never Want to leave ericsons. home is what shes been looking for since S1. but now that shes Safe. now that she can turn off survival mode a little bit and actually Relax for once. shes going to begin Processing EVERYTHING shes been through up until this point. the true healing starts Now. but she cant run from it. so how would she reconcile these things? the whole point of ericsons was that they were a community of traumatized kids who found love and support in each other when they had nothing else. aj says it himself (S4 is Very clear in its messaging). THAT is the perfect setting for clem to ALSO have this grieving/acceptance process that she Desperately needs. everything shes been through up until this point is going to hit her like a truck. the true healing starts NOW. shes no longer fighting for her life 25/8. and when the brain can get out of survival mode it begins True processing mode.

one of the issues with the comics is that it puts her BACK into survival mode. but of clems own choosing! no matter how much her processing hurts and no matter how much she could want to run from those feelings, she has always wanted True Community more than Anything. having to reconcile those feelings is interesting! i Do think tillie is trying to have some of these conversations. but they all fall flat. her understanding of clem as a character is weak. and the environment shes in is not conducive to the healing process she wants clem to have. its a mess. i will always stand firmly in the camp that these comics should have taken place in the gap between seasons 3 and 4. that change alone wouldve boosted the comic. but unfortunately they chose.....This

anyway. back to my own post S4 adventures :)

[thejournallo]

hello!!! i think i got close to shifting the night!!! for the last 3 nights ive been trying some methods whether it be stuff i found on tumblr or guides methods on spotify. but none of them seems to be my thing, as after a while i get real awake and struggle to fall asleep as well as get bored. last night i decided to simply listen to powerful shifting subliminals before sleeping and during it. the day before i had read that i don't actually need a method or anything just simply my intention would be enough and ngl i'm a bit lazy but i just wanna wake up in my dr so bad🙏🙏 during it i said some affirmations then slept but woke up afterwards(it was a 2 hour video) and i couldn't sleep back. people in the comments were saying they have shifted to this regardless of if they have used a method or not. i laid awake for like 20 mins and then finnaly decide to close to video when there was like 10 mins before it was gonna end and decided to do some stuff to make me sleepy(it was 3 am) i don't really have a script but only something that is for security. i merely imagined things in my head, even something big as who my friends gonna be, where i will live etc or just said then simply in my mind, unable to find something for them and just see them once i'm in my dr. i hope this is enough?? bc im really not good at visualizing i can only think of certain actions happening that's why i hate methods too i'm unable to do them properly. anyway when i was finnaly sleepy,i found a powerful subliminal on spotify that is 1 hour long, simply said stuff like "i am in my dr, i will wake up in my dr, i have the intention to wake up in my dr" a couple times and tried to imagine myself sleeping there. the thing is i didn't change almost anything about myself so since it's very much the same as me now i cannot see my dr self any different than me. nevertheless, very close to me falling asleep, i felt like i was my dr self!! kept my eyes closed, i didn't feel anything physical but only felt as if i was truly in my dr sleeping there. and i had such a blank dream, literally no one or anything, just pitch black where i felt myself as if i was my dr self again. unfortunately i woke up here but i think this is a big sign?? and just one more little thing,, as i said i didn't script but i want some very general event to happen such as getting into the school i want, getting married, going on vacations etc but i don't really have a visualtion of my mind but rather things that will happen there, thats enough for them to happen write? i really don't like writing scripts if anything ill just add there. anyway, so sorry for writing such a long paragraph and i hope i made sense(english isn't my first language😖) and can you guide me a bit!! have a lovely dayyyyy<33

HELLO! AND CONGRATULATION, LITTLE STAR!

I'm so excited for you! And yes, it is a big sign that you are shifting! I'm so happy that you shared this great achievement with me! 🥺

Btw tho! To answer your questions! You don't have to write it for it to happen; intentions are powerful!

As you saw last night, our intentions are enough to let things happen! If you want to check if they happen, if you have a specific scene in mind, I suggest you have a list with a keyword connected to that scene so when it happens, you will know!

Ex: I want Fred Weasly to ask me out on a date. Keyword: date night scene.

Some general things I can suggest you do are: use YouTube instead of Spotify. On YouTube, you will find 10-hour-long videos with affirmations and non-affirmations.

I use brown sounds to fall asleep, but I found 10 hours of subliminals about abondance. I dont see why there could not be a subliminal for shifting.

BTW, keep going like this! You are not forced to use a method, and for sure, you don't need one because you are powerful enough to do it! I will be here! I am waiting to know your progress and celebrate your achievements with you.

Congratulations again, darling!

[demonophilia]

dni

minors, or no age listed. this is an instant block. have your age plainly listed either in your bio or pinned post.

raceplay, ageplay (dd/lg, md/lb, or any variation on those), detrans/misgendering, sexism/misogyny, sissy/forcefem, beastiality, incest (including step/adopted/fauxcest) , or orientationplay (ex. 'turning' lesbians. fuck off

proana/promia/thinspo/any kind of ed blogs i have an ed and these blogs are INCREDIBLY triggering for me. do not interact with me. i will block you.

scat, vore, inflation etc. nothing wrong with these but i'll most likely block if theyre a main focus of our blog. if i follow first, this doesnt apply!

any "icky x" shit. generally falls under the ageplay or incest umbrella, but i wanted to make sure i was clear. if i see any variation on those tags on your post, i will block.

chasers please just be normal LMAO

boundaries

do not ask about my private life/ask for my sfw blog. again, this is only if we aren't friends/close. i might post abt it in vague terms and its fine to ask abt minor things (how was your day etc) but dont pry. i am literally a porn blog im on here to get people off LMAO im not that interesting

if i say no or say to stop, stop. this should be obvious. if i say no, i mean no. this includes if im being dominant. if you repeatedly disrespect a boundary ive set, i will block you. if you arent clear on a boundary, ask!

more info under the cut ⬇️

about

hii im connor :] i use it/its, he/him, and she/her pronouns. i'm bisexual + bigender (tme, and i have a cunt), and i'm fine with both feminine and masculine petnames (see petnames section below :]) i'm a vers and a switch, though recently i've been heavily sub leaning. feel free to send me dom-focused asks, i just can't guarantee i'll get to them too quickly!

i love getting asks, especially sexual ones (obviously). just be certain that youre respecting my boundaries! i understand slip-ups, but try your best to "respect" me (obviously disrespect me lmao but yk what i mean). if you'd like to use an emoji for your asks, lmk and i'll tag the answers with that emoji :]

the terms i use for my anatomy are fairly loose, but do not use the term "bonus hole" or any variation to refer to my cunt. boypussy is fine, but i don't really find it very sexy LMAO. also, i call my clit a cock or tdick. it's fine to use clit for it, but i prefer the other 2.

petnames

i looove petnames :] feel free to use any of these (unless i specify otherwise), id honestly prefer you using these over my actual name LMAO.

angel, baby, darling, etc. these aren't sexual, but feel free to use them! i find them cute :]

toy/doll/fucktoy/thing etc. i love being objectified/dehumanized so these are always a good bet LOL

puppy, dog, pet, mutt, kitten, kitty, etc. bonus points for "bad dog" which makes me crazy in my head

good boy/girl/toy etc.

slut/whore/cumdump etc. i love most degrading names, lol. go wild with these, if i don't like one i'll lyk :]

sir/miss. when i am domming, these are generally the titles i prefer. feel free to try others though! (aside from daddy/mommy.)

go wild! the ones above are some of my favorites/the ones that immediately came to mind, but feel free to try other ones :] like i said if i don't like it i'll just lyk, no harm done!

kinks

i should note that i enjoy all my kinks from both directions, whether im dom or sub :] due to my frequently subby nature some of these descriptions are worded in terms of Me being the sub but i love them when im domming also basically.

praise i adoree being praised... generally i prefer it mixed in with degradation ^_^ tell me if im doing a good job, making you happy, etc! i also love praise when im domming please lmk if youre enjoying yourself i like knowing im getting people off :]

degradation another favorite ^_^ as ive mentioned, i love being dehumanized and sexualized. call me stupid, useless, etc. aside from words, i do enjoy being made to do degrading tasks <3 Also idk where to put this but i lovee spit spit in my mouth spit on me Whatever

painplay hitting, slapping, choking, biting etc are some of my favorites. i also enjoy knifeplay and gunplay. anything that will leave bruises/marks will make me wet <3

somno/intox i enjoy both of these, but i am very picky about them, and i'd probably won't talk about them a lot because of how picky i am.

monsterfucking vampires werewolves angels demons tentacles etc etc etc i go crazy for them . i do want to do unspeakable things to a service top werewolf this is true.

petplay i should note that i'm fairly picky about petplay as well! i mainly prefer the petnames, collars/leashes, etc. i don't enjoy anything about cages or being made to bark (though i don't mind phrases like "puppies don't talk" and stuff like that)

bondage, gags, handcuffs etc. pleasee tie me up and tell me what you'd do to me <3 i have an oral fixation so any use of my mouth is very appreciated <3

breeding I LOOOOOVE BREEDING im crazy abt it. if you threaten to knock me up i Will beg for it lol. i don't really care abt any actual pregnancy details, aside from future hypotheticals (youre gonna be so big, im gonna fuck another baby into you after, etc)

exhibitionism/voyeurism if i didnt get off on ppl looking at me i wouldnt have made this blog love and light .

this list is nonexhaustive! i like a lot of kinks, so feel free to bring up any you think i'd like, so long as they aren't on my dni or anything. worst case scenario i just won't like them and i'll lyk LOL.

MISC

mutuals feel free to dm me if you'd like ;] i tend not to initiate bc i have a hard time telling when its normal to reach out LOL, so if you want to talk to me, please do! everyone else can talk to me through the ask box!! once again, Please sexualize me (why would i make this blog if i didnt wanna be sexualized lmao) but respect my boundaries <3

related to above, but if you get off to my posts/thinking of me, id love to know :] i loveee getting ppl off so <3 and if im feeling dommy i might tease you abt it LOL

i do my best to tag specific kinks for navigation (and to tag hard kinks with tw (kink)) but i might slip up/forget! if you notice an issue with the tags, feel free to lmk and ill get that fixed :]

also i should note i am bisexual bigender, so im fine being rbed with both wlw/nb and mlm/nb tags ! lmk if youre uncomfortable with me interacting with yr content in any way 👍

ty for reading this whole long thing :D i tend to ramble a lot lol... i don't rly have anything to give you for reading it all buttttt feel free 2 like if youve read all this also youre my favorite and you can do whatever you want to me (joke (or is it!?))

[lazaruspiss]

Hi, I wanted to know if you've read Red Hood: The Hill and if so I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

I liked issue 0 but my enjoyment kind of teetered off with issue 1 & 2

i dont read n52 but i gave it a go just for u <3 under the cut is a bit of a "brief" live read. TLDR: it's good, but it seriously does stop being about jason very quickly. if you read issue 0 and get really invested in dana then i think you'll like it, if not, then issue 0 is still a good read with great art.

Issue 0: some little timeline/canon details throw me off, but thats to be expected for any n52 story. the art is fantastic, and the shoe thing is so real. i still have no clue why sneakerheads are the way they are lmao. again, the art is phenomenal so far. Croc my beloved <3<3 i like how it's clear that Jason picked up on the secret identities pretty quickly, but its not really told to us so much as gestured towards via innuendo.

also, denise is pretty. i love her earrings in the diner scene. she also just kind of says what I've been thinking, that there's a risk to an independent neighbor watch the same as there is for any vigilante crime fighter. not just for the vigilantes safety, but for the safety of the people theyre supposed to protect as well. both sisters are justified in their position and i think it's a really well done conflict. it also manages to keep jason involved in the middle without making it just feel awkward or taking away from the importance of dana and denise.

"Batman swings on rooftops. I work the streets." <3 jason cool. and back to our main bad, i love how clearly image obsessed he is. it's done in a way that feels super believable too, like you could really meet a guy that insecure and egotistical lmao.

ohhhh and this is interesting. they're leaning into a family themeing, and the references to bruce make me feel like they're setting up a mending between those two. it's a bit... i have trouble with that. i don't think a mended relationship between bruce and jason is necessarily the best story direction for all their history. but The Hill so far is doing a positive light Jason-Bruce relationship better than most things ive read. It makes sense to have him be sentimental about his father when he has to stop a vigilante from killing. the end sort of, i guess i can call it a villain twist? I like it.

though the nods towards bruce make me uneasy. thats a very difficult relationship to balance, and its feels like its very much going to skew a certain way rather than falling into that "its complicated" territory that i like.

Issue 1: murder grandma! very jarring very cool. the writing still isn't bad but i think it might be a problem of issue 0 being so strong that the after feels lackluster. the writing is a bit more on the nose, and more emotional/character related aspects fall to the wayside for the action parts.

Issue 2: oh. ew. splicing a makeout scene with narration about an uninvolved man's life falling apart. i saw someone say it ended up being more about dana than jason, and im really starting to see what they meant with this issue. it's not the worst thing in the world, but it's understandable to be disappointed by that. the writing is also just gradually starting to lag. i havent checked, but if this is the same writer as issue 0 then im tempted to say it mightve been a crunch time problem.

back to the actual story, jason is less the main character and more taking the role of a mentor figure for dana. it keeps getting less and less about jason and more and more noticeable that it is less and less about jason.

Issue 3: croc <3<3<3 and yeah this series really stops having much to do with jason. we learn which vigilantes the neighborhood watch would smash tho, lol.

there's even references to the fact that jason plans on moving back towards batman's parts of gotham, like this is not a series about him at all after issue 0. i thought they were setting up development of bruce and jason's relationship, but there were really just setting up an excuse for jason to leave. "This is your bad guy, Dana. And I told you. I'm not staying." this series is 100% meant to set up dana as a bigger character. I feel conflicted about it, bc obviously that's not what people are necessarily expecting/hoping for when they pick up something titled Red Hood. but how else can you try and introduce a successful new character? I know dana isn't entirely new, but it's incredibly difficult to give a foothold to characters that haven't been around for long enough. i think that's partially a side effect of how DC operates, and just a result of general familiarity bias.

anyways. issue 3 ends with batman showing up. i don't think I'll be checking back for future issues.

[goqmir]

hype level for future mtg releases (this is genuine btw i cant sleep because my leg hurts so bad let me have this)

Murders at Karlov Manor (Q1 2024):

15%. i kinda get the vibes. theres some interesting things generally but im not sure this one is for me. i like clue tokens so im excited for some support in that area but. ill probably pass on buying any of this

Outlaws of Thunder Junction (Q2 2024):

like 35%? its cool! i like the west quite a lot, everyones excited for deadbeat dad oko. im just not expecting a ton and id love to be proven wrong! new planes are always fun and it would be a delight to fall in love with thunder junction but my expectations are very tempered. supposedly its about "villians"-- of which my biggest dream is a reveal of a phyrexian that wasnt killed onscreen to be hanging out there. rakdos would be cool too.

Modern Horizons 3 (Q2 2024)

90%. i cant wait frankly. modern horizons 1 and 2 feature some of my favorite magic cards ever and ive never been around for a modern horizons release so im just so excited. cant wait. big fan i bet there will be so many cool cards dude holy shit

Assassin's Creed (Q3 2024):

5%. i dont give a shit about assassins creed. i like the aesthetics of black flag i guess. this is a set with boosters and the cards will supposedly be modern legal(?) but they arent draftable so thats gonna be a shitshow when the boosters are overpriced and you cant even run limited events with them like MAT but like. at least MAT was awesome and had a bunch of banging cards and introduced cool deciduous mechanics to standard and gave us [[Rocco, Street Chef]]. all this is giving us is ezio or some shit

Bloomburrow (Q3 2024):

75%!! woo!!!!! i cant wait for the little animals set. i like little animals. i would really like one of them to wear a thimble

things i want specifically out of bloomburrow:

give us kwain lore! kwain is such an important little guy to our playgroup we would all love a new kwain or some kwain backstory and there has never been a better time for it

fox tribal 🥺🥺🥺🥺 boros please plzplzplz i need fire foxes i need evil foxes i need foxes so bad i want a fox tribal commander ill do anything

Duskmourn (Q3 2024):

45%. wrenny is hyped for this one but i dont think ill be biting tbh. its cool! i like the vibes :) just not for me is what it seems like right now. maybe like LCI the set design and mechanics will be so sick that its just awesome but the setting isnt catching me

Not gonna talk about innistrad remastered i will not be buying that. give me anime art tamiyo

"Tennis" 2025 (death race across multiple planes with cars):

15%. i like vehicles but like. i feel like this one will kinda skew corny in a way i wont vibe with. the technology seems like kind of a lot too. cool idea, i hope its executed well

"Ultimate" 2025 (Return to Tarkir):

65%! i like tarkir :) they wont print the stupid fetches but whatever. tarkir is super swag and i hope they can resolve the weird multiverse tarkir thing and give us a swag set i believe in them. also ugin reappearance maybe........

Final Fantasy 2025:

100%. i am so onboard with final fantasy dude i feel like it will be so fucking cool compared to like marvel or doctor who or whatever. final fantasy fits so perfectly with the other mtg planes and theres so many interesting things to pull from every game could be its own set so the fact that theres like so much shit there like its so exciting like i cant wait for this one. im gonna play final fantasy 6 with wrenny before it comes out so thats exciting too teehee ^_^

"Volleyball" 2025 (top down space opera set):

95%. a space opera could be so fucking cool. im worried theyll fumble the bag and make it really fucking star warsy and thats a truly terrifying thought but i have faith that we can get so see some more interesting and solemn parts of space in magic the gathering. i think a plane with fledgeling space operations and wild star littered frontiers would be so fucking sick and thats like maybe one of my dream sets. please dont fuck this one up

"Wrestling" 2025 (Lorwyn reimagining)

cool. i like what they did to kamigawa. um idk 30%

"Yachting" 2025 (Arcavios/strixhaven)

yippee!!! 55%? i like strixhaven but showing off more of arcavios is what im really super into here cuz i feel like that could be a lot of fun. its an interesting plane i wanna see more

um anyway ill try to sleep again now i guess

[2bit-sunshine]

Hi everyone im danny and im feeling good for once in my twenties. Have been since about may. I cut off an old friend who mistreated my best friend. Ive helped my friends a ton. Im working on a security clearence for work. I am feeling much more confidant driving than i have ever. Ive bern socializing a lot and playing games like i used to. Ive been world building again and spending more time with my dog. Im working on my health and am actually confident in my body in a way i havent felt since i was thin as a waif. But i havent really lost a lot of weight.

The world is bleak and i worry and i hurt and i grieve all the people suffering out there. But right now my life actually feels. Worth it. My life is worth it. I havent thought about how id kill myself in months. I still dont have someone or someones to be intimate with and that hurts as it alwayd has. But im doing better

I am better

Idk. I really thought id be dead this time 12 years a go and i would be too dead to care about anything. I didnt think id be alive before i felt any kind of content or ambition to do more. But here i am. Im feeling content. And i want more too.

I know it sounds cliche at this point. But it does get better. I know it could get worse. But this feeling i have. This happiness? Its worth it. Its worth it to endure the bad times. Because while nothing lasts forever. The bad doesnt last forever either. I think part of it was acceptance of the things i had no power over and the things i could control, i have all the power to do so.

I alsl have amazing friends. I used to think people barely tolerated me and hated me. I spent years being told that if people didnt want me around they wouldnt have me around. I told myself it sometimes but never felt it. Never believed it.

But i do now. I believe it now. You gotta keep telling yourself those words of advice your loved ones give you. They will make sense one day. You will feel them when they are true. Your demons and shadows are not what defines you forever.

I worry so much for my friends who have such troubles still. I worry ill fall back into old habits. I worry some tragic thing is going to show me what im really made of. But it will be okay again. The sun will shine again. The spring will come again, however brief. The birds will sing again. The stars will always shine.

Idk. If youre reading this and having trouble. With yourself or your friends or your lovers or your family. It does get better. It might need time. It might be a long time. Its taken me over 2 decades to feel happy like i imagine i was as a child. And it hurt a lot along the way amd i made so manh mistakes amd fuck ups and lost friends and lovers.

Ive sat by while people get hurt. I wondered if i could even be forgiven for that.

The answer was yes. In a way. And sometimes it was no.

I cant change the past and some things shouldnt have happened. Shouldnt have at all. But they did and here we are. What to do now?

Forward. The only direction that really matters is forward. So forward i go. We go. Youll go.

The most important step is the next one.

You got this friends.

[baekhvuns]

HIIII BAEKSSSSS I missed you 😔 how are you? Wsp? How's everything?

Man, I've been pretty peaceful I'd say..kinda idk. Maybe the calm before the storm but that's besides the point. I miss your work so so so much 🥹🥹🥹 like rlly, not wanting to pressurise you just GIRL RLLY MADE 2022 SUCH A GOOD EXPERIENCE.

Anyways I've been watching a ton of stuff ofc, found a new pakistani drama 😈😈 well it's kind of the same plot as u wld guess, but I like this one it's like if not a lot then a bit diff frm the same ass dynamic. It's like a first daughter x youngest son the fun part is it was supposed to be, first daughter x first son but he was a jerk and a red flag. So yes...it'd be fun, it's a silly dynamic imo ik for sure there are going to be a ton banters.

ALSO dude these asmr Rps be getting Outta hand 😭 Nah cz i cried. I CRIED. THE ANGST OHHHHH. Some asmr artists are just so fucking good like alanakamakwk i felt like I was in a movie.

Lemme tell u a bit abt it, so the concept was basically, an old bsf comes back into the listener's life not in a bad way or anything just cz the bsf lived farrrrr away.

"do you wanna see the new tattoo i got?"

LIKE OKAY and then we did trace them too and a while later the convo goes deep "i got this tattoo bcz u told me seven years ago, what you don't rmr?" And then he sort of reminisces over the old times

"and that day..I went home, and texted you how much I liked you. And wanted to hang out with you a bunch.."

"that didn't happen I never texted you."

BRO OMG OMG ONWKWJWKW IM TELLING YOU THE FREAKIN TENSION BW ME AND MY HEADPHONES.

And then the best part was the listeners bf calls who also used to be friends with the bsf, and goes "i love you."

In hopes of hearing it frm us too. "Dear...?" Silence.

NO CUZ IMAGINE STANDING IN FRONT OF SOMEONE U ACTUALLY LOVE AND U GOTTA SAY ILY TO YOUR BF WHAT??? OMG.

And then when he comes out to go run errands he talks to the bsf AKA THE ASMR ARTIST I TELL U HIS VOICE *melts*

"we'll see you right?"

"... farewell"

That's the visual representation of me I'm not even kidding. And....he just leaves. LIKE THAT?? WHAT ABOUT US AHHHH *dies*

Nah but yes, I've been obsessed now. At least it makes me feel something 😮‍💨

Ok also no way my old Bollywood obsession is dying anytime soon *listens to bol na halke halke*

Anyways bye bye baeks MAKE SURE TO TELL ME ABT YOURSELF HOW U DOING AND STUFF OK?? OK MWAH ILY 🤭

YOU SENT THIS LAST WEEK AND I JUST KIND OF LOGGED INFBWNDBSK SO SORRY

i hope you’re doing well!! i’m currently sick bc of a heatwave i caught at a wedding 🥰🥰

i’m glad you’re feeling peaceful! AND DHSKDHKW DONT MENTION IT FNDMSKC ITS BEEN 2 YEARS 😭😭😭 maybe my writing bug just dimmed LMFAOOOO haven’t been on here or read anything, ive been in my drafts just giggling and reading but never like posting or writing fbdndb but ive kind of, maybe wanting to write something for fall time which i’m not sure ill post but it’s got me smiling a bit!

WHAT IS THE SHOW TELL ME 🔫

omg i can never get behind asmr, i have this thing called misophonia, i just despise the way the arm sounds make my ears feel fmandksb i just feel triggered BUT U CRIED BC OF IT WHY 😭😭

u gotta send me the link of it bc the voice actor u say… 👁

does our bollywood obsession rly die 😭😭 the new tauba tauba got me going a bit crazy,,, heard the jannat bgm but sad version and iM OBSESSED WITH IT, it lowkey inspired me to think and write <3 got me giggling and imaging stuff <3 in my pillow fbwndbsj

[wewontdieunbloomed]

this is part two of unlearning the bad things i unconsciously learnt from last year.

part one was the negative default pessimism i fall in to, which i keep calling it me being emo which means i dwell in my “misery” for far too long, instead of trying to think of something positive to get myself moving out of the bad zone i am in. as we are often told, sadness and negativity gets comforting, it feels like you are protecting yourself. but one cannot see beauty in life and find joy for oneself if one does not make oneself vulnerable.

and so making myself vulnerable is what ive been doing. trying to romanticise this state that im in, a liminal space, at crossroads. its not the most ideal, too many things are unknown and for the first time in my life im dealing with having barely any structure to my days, with nothing to do yet so much i should do.

it took me quite a while to stop lamenting this unknown and start returning to the foundations i built this blog and my entire philosophy off, the whole concept of “lest we die unbloomed” of making sure i dont realise one day ive wasted my time. and in small parts i like to think ive made progress on that

the focus now is the second part. i lost a lot of my attention span and impulse control, and today i reached a horrible point where i am sitting on the kitchen floor at 9 with no dinner, having ruined my microwave dinner out of a lack of common sense. i am not sure if all this recent muddling is because of covid brain fog or the horrifying amount of screen time i have had recently, but i was so sick of it. i have done a lot of things on impulse recently, and though today i had a really fulfilling day spending time with people i havent in a long time, when i got home and im back to reality of the things i havent done and been procrastinating for too long on, i felt horrible. this need to change, i realised.

so this is part two. it calls back to one of the values i set as something important to myself, being honest with myself. i know what im doing now is not working. i know that even though i use my planner im not sticking to it. i know my todo lists are not helping me. then why do i stubbornly stick to methods i know dont work? i told myself a year ago i would not change my system if it doesnt need to be changed. i have forgotten that i need to change it when it does. how silly! so im changing.

so in the last 2 hours in order to get myself up ive written todo lists on paper instead of in my journal. used a timer for every single step from shower to sweeping the floor to brushing my teeth. enough lazing around and letting simple things occupy too much time. its a parkinsons law thing.

enough doomscrolling and opening instagram when i have nothing to do. im setting a limit for a block of time in the day where i am not allowed to use social media, pwrhaps not any internet at all. i need to make drastic change, even if it seems inconsequential. it might not be academic but its personal. and my personal life and what i want to do with my time is worth taking big measures for, because it should be more important than all that revision for exams i used to do.

so the point f this ramble is to clear things out with myself. make some sense of whats goijg on. have a direction. tomorrow i have an interview. ill come home and do the chores i have to. prepare for my afternoon activity. go for lunch and my afternoon appointment. go for a run. buy dinner. write my applications. research on uni stuff. read a book. and all the other tint things i need to give more importance to even though they seem inconsequential. it sa new mantra ive gotten into ever since part one of this. that “this is the way” this is the new way. enough lazing. its time to go hard and be rurhless. take things up a notch because when else can i do it? go big from experiences to measures i have to take to discipline myself. this is the way.

04.04.2023

[lesbianpegbar]

IS LINK CLICK GOOD AGAIN WAS RHE FINAL GOOD

okay god so. this is complicated. i'm keeping this spoiler free lol, but i wrote an essay so if you dont wanna read that tldr this season wasn't good and this episode retains those overall issues but left me with enough intrique that im still invested if incredibly cautious and heavily jaded

i have suchhhh mixed feelings on this final episode and on season 2 as a whole. having slept on it and letting the euphoria wear off a bit, the episode as a whole was like. fine. it was emblematic of a lot of the issues ive had with the whole season so far. i think the pacing wasnt great, i think we spent way too long on flashbacks, and oh my god the fight scenes were far far too long (looking at one in particular like i did not care about those characters or their relationship). but the ending of the episode, at least in the moment, made me forget all about that and all about the problems with the whole season. it focused back on the main trio, and we saw interactions between them that made me remember why i love these characters and why i loved season 1. and there was a reveal at the end that, when watching, made me quite frankly go absolutely ape shit insane and feel like i was dying so. lol

but again, sleeping on it, while the end of the episode was a reminder of what i loved, it feels a bit hollow when placed in the context of the rest of the season. i think of how crazy the reveal was last night for me, but then i wonder how much more intense and meaningful it wouldve been had we actually spent the last 12 episodes exploring these characters instead of speedrunning a plot that nobody really cared about. in that way, it almost feels a bit insulting? that's kind of harsh, but idk how else to put it lol. like they had this great idea and strung us along with the bare minimum while making some of the worst writing decisions ive ever seen, and then finally at the end are like "hey! remember this thing! remember! arent we smart and clever and good writers!" and its just. sigh.

i think about what we couldve had had we spent this season with lu guang and cheng xiaoshi. if we had been shown them interacting more than maybe two times this season. if we had spent less time on fight scenes and cops and murder drama and actually spent time on the characters that i watched season 1 for. this season feels like something that shouldve been a film or half a season, if it even really needed to exist at all. it feels like they were twiddling their thumbs for twelve episodes because they just wanted to set up li tianchen and the big reveal at the end. and in that way its a huge disappointment, and a bit of an insult. they made me watch twelve episodes of something that feels like they barely thought about just so they could move on to their greater plot in the last five minutes of the season. this whole season feels like it was a stepping stone, a minor or transitory plot point in a greater story, which is a little iffy considering we all waited for two years just for something that felt like it barely mattered.

all in all, this season in general has just left a bad taste in my mouth. the conflict arises bc what they do get right makes me want to keep watching. i care about lu guang and cheng xiaoshi and qiao ling, like a lot. and with the reveal they did last night i want to see what's happening and there's a part of me that feels vindicated for being right about certain plot elements. am i falling for a shitty carrot on a stick? yeah, kinda, and that feels a little gross. i'll watch season 3 when it comes out and we'll see from there. i want to believe they'll turn it around and maybe now that they've gotten all this plot bullshit out of the way they'll refocus on cheng xiaoshi and lu guang, and maybe then we can all look back on this season and laugh and say "oh yeah that season sucks lol but the rest of it is so good so we just ignore it." at this point that's kind of best case scenario. which isn't a glowing review but play stupid games win stupid prizes i guess