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honesthammie · 3 years

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Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

#13th doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #female reader

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aliyahscreations · 3 years

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Important

FRENCH

Bonjour à tous.

Malheureusement, ce n’est pas un post habituel aujourd’hui, car je compte aborder un sujet extrêmement important, à savoir le Plagiat.

Certains sont déjà au courant, mais hier dans la journée j’ai reçu un message privé discord m’annonçant mon bannissement d’un serveur suite à des accusations de plagiat. Dans un premier temps je n’ai pas compris, j’étais plus que certaine d’avoir écrit absolument tous mes codes et vu que la personne qui m’avait informé de ceci n’a pas répondu à mes questions pour me donner des explications, j’étais perdu.

Ayant eu une grosse journée qui n’était pas prête de se terminer, j’ai relégué ça dans un coin de ma tête et j’ai poursuivi mes activités. Mais plus tard dans la soirée, j’ai pris connaissance d’un message de quelqu’un dont j’ai toujours admiré le travail, Tessisamess, sur tumblr à ce sujet. Si auparavant je pensais que ce n’était rien et qu’il devait y avoir un malentendu, là je me suis posé davantage de question. Que Tess en personne me dise que j’ai plagié son travail, je me devais de vérifier, par respect pour elle et tout ce qu’elle a fait pour nombre d’entre nous.

Après une nuit agitée passée à me poser des questions, j’ai fini par troquer le sommeil pour mon téléphone et remonter dans les pages de son site histoire de voir par moi-même. Et il s’est avéré qu’elle disait vrai, “Leo”, l’un des codes de mon blog était indéniablement une copie de l’un des siens, à mon grand désarroi.

Avant toute chose, il faut savoir qu’une partie des premiers codes de la série sur le Zodiaque, étaient d’anciens codes créés par mes soins que j’avais remis à jour pour les partager. Ayant utilisé de nombreux codes en libre service en plus des miens, j’avais bien pris le temps de vérifier chacun des sites que j’utilisais avant pour être certaine de ne pas m’attribuer le travail d’autrui justement. Je ne sais pas ce qu’il s’est passé, j’ai voulu aller trop vite, je n’ai pas été assez attentive, autre chose, … mais j’ai loupé le code en question.

Donc quand j’ai retrouvé une partie de celui-ci dans mes documents (je maudis mon organisation de l’époque et ces documents partiellement illisibles), je l’ai pris pour l’un des miens et je l’ai fini, celui-ci n’étant pas utilisable tel que je l’avais.

Bref, ça n’excuse rien, je vous explique juste comment cela à pu se produire. Les faits sont là, je me suis involontairement rendue coupable de plagiat.

Et c’est mal.

Vous ne pouvez pas imaginer à quel point je m’en veux et ce que je donnerai pour revenir en arrière et effacer cette grossière erreur. Mais ce n’est pas possible. Je dois donc accepter ce qui a été fait et tâcher de réparer au mieux cette erreur, sans oublier de présenter mes plus sincères excuses aux personnes que j’ai blessées.

Quand j’ai lancé ce blog, je l’ai fait pour m’amuser, j’aime créer des codes et j’ai eu une grosse période d’inspiration, ce qui m’a conduit ici. Je voulais m’amuser et peut-être fournir quelque chose d’utile pour d’autres.

Alors en arriver là me désole, je n’ai jamais voulu créer de problème ou blesser quelqu’un.

C’est la raison pour laquelle pendant une période indéterminée je vais rendre inaccessibles tous les codes de ce blog, afin de prendre le temps de vérifier chacun d’entre eux point par point.

Je me dois d’apprendre de cette erreur et faire en sorte que ça n’arrive plus jamais. Pour les autres bien sûr, mais surtout pour moi, pour pouvoir me regarder dans le miroir.

Je vous remercie d’avoir lu jusque-là et je tiens à vous dire à quel point je suis désolée si je vous ai blessé ou déçu.

Bonne journée.

ENGLISH

Hello everyone.

Regrettably, this is not a usual post today, because I want to talk about a very important subject today, plagiarism.

Some of you already know it, but yesterday i got a private message on discord, telling me that i’m removed from a server, due to plagiarism accusation. At first, I didn't understand. I was sure to have written all my codes by myself and since the person who told me that didn’t answer my questions or give me explanations, I was lost.

I have had a hard day which was not ready to end, so i put this into the back of my mind and continued my activities. Sadly, later in the evening, I saw a message from someone i’ve always admired work, Tessisamess, about all this on tumblr. If previously I was thinking this was nothing and there must have been a misunderstanding, there I asked myself more questions. That Tess in person told me that I plagiarized her work, I need to check, in respect of her and what she did for a lot of us.

After a hard night of thinking about all of this, I ended up changing sleep for my phone and searching on all of her website's pages, to see it by myself. And she was right,, “Leo”, one of my blog’s codes was a copy of one of her own, to my great distress.

Before anything, you need to know that the first Zodiac’s serie’s codes are old ones I made which I have updated for sharing them. Having used a lot of free codes in addition to mine, I took time to check each of them before posting, to be sure that I don't claim other's work. I don’t know what happened, i wanted to go too fast, i haven’t been paying enough attention, something else… but i missed this code.

So, when i found a part of it in my documents (i hate my bad organization of the time), i thought it was one of mine and i finished it, it was not usable as it stands.

But that’s no excuse, I just explained how this happened. The facts are here, I involuntarily made myself guilty of plagiarism.

And this is bad.

You can’t imagine how much I blame myself and feel bad. I’d give anything to go back and erase this huge mistake, but it’s impossible. I must accept what has been done and attempt to fix this mistake, without forgetting to offer my deepest apologies to the people I hurt.

When I started this blog, I did it for fun, I like to create code and I had an important period of inspiration, so here we are. I wanted to have fun and maybe share something useful to others.

Then to get to this point grieves me, I never wanted to create problems or hurt someone.

This is the reason why, for an indeterminate period, I will make all this blog’s codes inaccessible, to take time to check many times each of them in detail.

I have to learn from this mistake and make sure it never happens again. For others of course, but especially for myself, so i want to be able to look at myself in the mirror.

Thanks for reading this. I want to tell you how sorry i am if i hurted or disappointed you.

Have a good day.

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slime-smile · 3 years

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i accidentally left my phone at life drawing on saturday afternoon. i set it down on a dresser next to the bathroom as i walked in and thought “ok i need to remember that i set that there, i always forget when i set things there” and then of course i forgot about it by the time i walked out of the bathroom. probably in part because the timer that signifies the break has ended went off so i hurried back to my seat, for the final drawing of the day. then after the last drawing was done, a guy i have talked to a little bit the last few times i’ve gone asked me if i wanted to go get tacos. i said “i forgot my wallet today so are you okay with buying me the tacos” and he said “yea.” i wasnt wearing shorts with pockets and i had been leaving my phone in my backpack during the drawing sessions so i had a vague impression it was in there. we walked back to my car so i could set down my drawing pad and backpack, then we walked a few blocks to get The Best Fish Tacos in Ensenada. then we walked back together after we ate. he rides a motorcycle and parked directly across the street from the figure drawing place. we hung out on the steps of the house he’d parked in front of for a bit, then i walked two blocks back to my car. it was soooo hot when i got in, i turned the A/C all the way up, picked up my backpack to get out my phone, and it wasnt in there. i waited a minute to see if my car would tell me that it connected to my phone, in case the phone was lost somewhere in the car, and it didn’t, then i remembered what happened. so i get out of the car and hurry back to where the liffe drawing was. it’s hosted by these two artists in their personal studio, so i was like “ok they’re probably still there doing their own work now that the session has ended” but i walk up and the driveway is empty (the guy always parks his car in it) so i’m like oh nooo but i walk all the way to the door anyways and it’s closed and locked and they’re gone. the guy i got tacos with is still sitting across the street looking at his phone, so i walk back over to him and tell him what happened. he seems concerned and is like “i can try to message the guy on instagram? or we can see if one of the neighbors will let you in?” and i’m like oh no no it’s fine, i’ll just come back monday night to get it. (they do drawing monday and thursday nights and saturday mornings) plus i’ve been wanting to try going on a weeknight anyways. and earlier he had told me i should try coming on a weeknight some time and that he usually does, too. my main concern at that point was that i had a date planned for the night and i wasnt sure how not having my phone would affect it. but then i remembered my date had emailed me so i could email him, and then i remembered (duh) that i had imessage on my laptop so i could still text anyways but just in a more restricted capacity. the tacos guy really seems concerned for me and my phone though, like wonders how i will go two days without it. but i resign myself to it and walk back to my car to drive home. for some reason traffic is really bad, worse than usual -- dodgers game?? i dont know. while i’m driving home i see a fire from the freeway, and i start to scare myself that it’s my house that’s on fire, even though i’m pretty sure my house isnt visible from that freeway and i’m still too far north for it to feasibly be my house. i keep thinking “oh god all my art and my [most cherished personal item which holds no monetary value] and now i really wont be able to get in touch with [date] how would i let him know what happened and ugh i can’t even get my phone until Monday night, i wouldn’t be able to get in touch with anyone, what would i do if my house burned down??” but i go home and my house was not on fire, obviously. i send a message to my date to let him know what happened, and email the guy who runs life drawing about my lost phone. my date replies “so you’re gonna be phoneless tonight??” and i’m like “yea but let’s just meet out front at 8, i’ll even be early.” i go downtown to buy my date a bouquet in the flower district, it’s his birthday, but then i can’t conceive of a manageable way to have a bouquet at a bar, so after i bring the bouquet home i take out a single rose from it to give him. we both like roses, as a symbol and as an object, i know this isn’t especially unique, but it’s nice. he has a rose tattooed on his arm. later, before the date, my friend sends me an email subject line “bruh” body text “you left your phone at whatever repair shop you were at this morning.” which leads me to believe he called it and the life drawing guy answered it and told him he had it. which was nice because i hadn’t gotten an email back from the life drawing guy yet and was worried that maybe someone else in the class had snatched it even though that seems unlikely. and also kind of funny to imagine because obviously the life drawing guy’s perspective was that i was probably calling my phone from my friend’s phone trying to find it, when in reality my friend was just calling me not knowing that i didn’t have my phone and then some man answers it. anyways then i go to my date and i text him when i’m leaving that i’m heading over and will see him there soon. i look up the directions beforehand but then forget where exactly the bar is that we were supposed to meet and ask a guy on the street who i could tell was smiling at me even though he had a mask on where i needed to go and he told me the way. i walk up and my date is already there standing outside, i walk up to him and he says “you’re early!” and i don’t say this but in my mind i’m like “you’re even earlier!” and i hand him the rose and we go upstairs to the bar. the bartender is really friendly and asks about the rose and makes the date a free drink for his birthday. there’s a hottub and i’m like “why didn’t you tell me!” we find an uncomfortable bench and are eyeing a much cozier one where a woman is sitting, hoping it will open up. we’re quickly absorbed in conversation and at some point i happen to look over and notice the cozy bench is free, and we dart over to it. we’re able to sit there for an hour or so before a staff member comes up to us and informs us that we’re sitting where they plan to put the DJ booth, so we’ve got to move, but another couple is about to leave and they’re going to clear off their table for us. so we go lurk by the table, where the man is sitting, and he reveals that he’s been noticing us all night, because he and his wife were the ones who had been sitting on the bench earlier, and they themselves had been told that they were sitting where the DJ was going to be, and so they moved. i think it’s a funny coincidence that we’ve been following this couple around through the night, but i dont really know what else to say to the guy, so that’s sort of it for our conversation. the table is less fun because now we’re sitting across from each other in chairs, instead of next to each other on a bench. they set the DJ up as we’re finishing our drinks, and i propose that if the music is good, we dance. the DJ starts playing but his song selection is terrible so we bounce. date proposes we go back to his place, which i’m fine with, and i can sense that he wants to kiss, which we do, briefly, in the elevator. in addition to the Saturday night drinks date, we’d already planned a Sunday afternoon date earlier in the week, so sleeping over made sense. in the morning we walk to get coffee and i buy him a muffin for his birthday, and he says when we get back to his apartment he wants to teach me to play a Korean card game, one-card. i say ok and that if we can find two other people who are into it, later (in the future, not in the day), i can teach him a popular Ohio card game. i talk a lot of smack about how im going to beat him at one-card after we go over the rules, but then he wins 8 games and i only win 3. at some point i notice that the rose i brought him has been left lying on a table -- hmm? we go to brunch at a place i’d never been to before, near the movie theater (our pre-planned second date, seeing a movie), which is, i learn, known for their crispy french toast, but which i do not order, because i know it will make my stomach hurt. at some point i say that i wonder what’s going on on my phone. i feel kind of zoned out from the point in time after we stopped playing cards to go to brunch. it’s probably because i didn’t sleep well the previous night, because i have a hard time sleeping in new places, or when i share a bed, or when there’s no white noise, or when it’s too hot. he’s tired too, and dozes in the movie theater while we wait for the movie to start. after the movie is over i drop him off and go home, Sunday is supposed to be my chores day, but by the time i get home it’s already 430. i want to take a nap but i have to run an errand and water all my plants, which i kind of don’t end up doing. my errand was to go to the video store to return the movies i’d rented the previous week, of which i only was able to watch 1 out of 2. my favorite video store employee who i hadn’t seen in a long time (i was out of town, he was out of town) was there and we talked and caught up and i learned that he’s a triplet (but he said that the grammatically correct way to refer to both his other siblings was “twin,” he said “my twin” and i said “you’re a twin??’ and he said “well actually we’re triplets but blah blah blah” -- this seems wrong to me but what do i know) and then we were talking about a missing persons poster that someone had dropped off at the video store which was really sad but also that he, the employee, had googled the missing person, and that this missing guy had released music on bandcamp, and that the photo he used for the album cover was of the place that he, the employee, had lived previously and not only that but he, the employee, was actually in the photo that this missing person had used as an album cover on bandcamp. and then the employee said “do you wanna see?” and i said “yeah” and he let me come behind the counter to look at the computer and i hung out back there for a second and told him about a movie that the bartender had been recommending to a guy next to me at the bar the previous night, but which i had thought sounded interesting so i butted into their conversation about it, and since i still dont have my phone to write the name of the movie down, i’ve been telling people about it so i don’t forget. the bartender said it was a french movie called “hedgehog” about a little girl who has an existential crisis and decides she’s going to kill herself in two months. the guy he was recommending it to said, “that sounds really dark, man,” but i said “that sounds incredible and like directly up my alley” and the bartender insisted that the movie was both good and funny. and i was relaying this story to my video store friend and he looked it up and then said “we can probably see if we have it in the store” and he checks their system and they do, in the general “french” section, and i find it and pick it up. he asks me if i’m gonna rent it this week and i say “i can’t cause i’m going out of town this weekend! but next weekend.” and now it’s 11pm and i’m supposed to be finishing my zine but i spent an hour writing this, instead, but i’ve got to finish the zine and send to my friend for his final edits before i can go to bed

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byakurendawn · 5 years

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BONJOUR TOUT LE MONDE !!! \(^.^)/

FRENCH

Et non, l’Annonce dont je vous aie parlée n’est pas encore pour maintenant. (Bientôt, promis =3)

Aujourd’hui je vais vous parler d’un autre sujet mais qui me tient tout autans a cœur. Il s’agit d’un projet baptiser MEMORYVERSE sur lequel j’ai commencé à y travaillée depuis un certain temps, tout en réécrivant le scénario de Undermemory que je compte recommencer. Contrairement à Undermemory où je travaille en collaboration avec Karha, celui ci est un projet purement personnel.

Il s’agit d’un projet comics, dont j’ai imaginer l’histoire assez récemment mais qui me trottait dans l‘esprit depuis un certain temps et dont j’ai le secret désire de le réaliser

L’histoire se passeras dans une Timeline Alternatifs de Undermemory, mais dont la fin diffère de celle de l’histoire initiale. Cette histoire sera une “suite” à la fin Alternative de Undermemory ( dont je travail actuellement sur une “prélude” actuellement en plus du Comic de base de Undermemory) .

On suivra désormais,le nouveau protagoniste dans cette nouvelle aventure, non plus Memory!Sans, mais Cristal!Frisk qui, dans l’histoire aura prit le nom de Acrys. Elle sera accompagner par deux nouveau personnage exclusive à ce nouvel AU : Memory!Ink et Memory!Error .

C’est tout ce qui est a savoir pour le moment car je n’ai pas beaucoup avancée, si ce n’est d’avoir commencer a travailler le Chara design de mes personnages principaux. (Ci-dessus Memory!Ink) Je posterais de temps à autres des petites nouveauté concernant l’avancer du projets ainsi que les news. D’ici là, je vous dit a très bientôt !! Portez vous tous bien !! \(^.^)/

Byakuren.

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HELLO EVERYONE !!! \(^.^)/

ENGLISH

And no, the Announcement I have spoken to you is not yet for now. (Soon, promised = 3)

Today I am going to talk to you about another subject, but it is all about my heart. This is a project baptize MEMORYVERSE on which I started to work for some time, while rewriting the scenario of Undermemory that I counted again. Unlike Undermemory where I work in collaboration with Karha, this one is a purely personal project.

This is a comics project, whose story I have just imagined recently, but which has been trotting in my mind for some time and whose secret I want to realize.

The story will happen in an Alternative Timeline of Undermemory, but whose ending differs from that of the original story. This story will be a “sequel” to the Undermemory Alternative ending (which I am currently working on as a “prelude” in addition to the Undermemory Core Comic).

From now on, the new protagonist in this new adventure, no longer Memory! Sans, but Cristal! Frisk, who in history will have taken the name of Acrys. She will be accompanied by two new characters exclusive to this new AU: Memory! Ink and Memory! Error.

That’s all there is to know for now because I have not advanced much, except to have started working on the Chara design of my main characters. (Above Memory! Ink) From time to time I will post small news about project progress and news. Until then, I tell you very soon !! Wear all of you well !! \(^.^)/

Byakuren

#annonce #project #undermemory #memoryverse #Memory!Ink #sketch #ink!sans #undertale #undertale art #my art

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hereidinathoreauwrites · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV), Come From Away - Sankoff & Hein Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Zoey Clarke/Joan Characters: Zoey Clarke, Joan (Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist), Annette (Come From Away), Beulah Davis, Beverley Bass, Claude Elliott Additional Tags: Crossover, Angst and Tragedy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, two people end up stuck together somewhere and oops they're in love, Developing Relationship, mentions of 9/11, the author is clearly just mashing together two things they very much enjoy and seeing what happens, Zoey and Joan are closer in age, college!Zoey, Gander (Come From Away), References to Come From Away Summary:

For Zoey, it was a return home from a study abroad program, back for her final semester at San Francisco State. For Joan, it was a business trip meant to fix her marriage from imminent destruction.

But when history crashed across the world on that fateful day, their lives were thrown together as they took refuge in Newfoundland and tried to cope with tragedies personal and global.

ZEP and Come From Away crossover. Because I said so.

She just wanted to get home.

Zoey Clarke tripped on her way to her seat, nearly smacking an angry-looking dark-haired first-class woman in the face. Mumbling an apology for the near-mishap, Zoey darted towards Economy, face burning.

It had been six months. Six glorious months of baguettes, and croissants, and the view across the Seine, and coding with her French classmates in two languages until the early hours of the morning. But she was finally going back home to California.

Zoey finally settled into her seat (an aisle seat) and threw her backpack into the overhead. She carefully tucked her computer case under the seat in front of her.

She’d barely settled herself before the cabin address began.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard this American Airlines flight 846 nonstop service from Paris to Los Angeles. My name is Captain Bass. We have an estimated flight time today of roughly 11 and a half hours and we are due to arrive in LA at 2pm local time on Tuesday, September 11th. Please sit back and enjoy your flight.”

Zoey closed her eyes as they taxied; nervous but a small part of her relieved.

She’d be home soon.

***

Meet you in LA.

Joan Bennett scowled at the SMS on her phone screen. That’s it. That was all he’d been able to muster up. Skipping out on their anniversary in Paris entirely for some stupid reason. He hadn’t even called.

She sat back in her seat as the cabin address came on, eyes already closing as the standard pre-flight information was given.

LA was his last chance. If Charlie couldn’t buck up and actually give a damn about their marriage this time she was going to…

Joan pursed her lips, resolve faltering. You’d be all alone. Despite his many, many shortcomings, Charlie was still a warm body alongside hers (on the nights he was actually home). He was still a partner in this unfriendly world. And the thought of being without him…

She drifted into an uneasy sleep as they took off towards America. Towards the man she didn’t know how to love.

“L…ladies and g…gentlemen…p..please, please fasten your seatbelts and put your tray tables up…we are preparing to land.”

Zoey blinked awake, confused. Were they in LA already?

Glancing around, she saw several others looking just as confused as she was. Zoey glanced at her watch. It had barely been five hours since they’d left Paris.

“What’s happening?” She asked the man next to her.

He just shook his head.

Zoey tightened her seatbelt and sat back, heart racing as the plane began a slow descent. She glanced over her neighbors and saw a tiny strip of land surrounded by vast ocean.

They weren’t falling. But something about this just didn’t quite feel right.

***

The plane touched down and Joan stared out the window. This wasn’t LAX. It was some rundown airport surrounded by trees.

“Where the hell are we?” She demanded.

“Newfoundland.” The flight attendant informed her, seeming distracted. “Nothing to worry about madam.”

“Any idea when we’ll be on our way?”

But the woman didn’t answer her. She vanished into the cockpit.

Joan heard hushed voices and some kind of chatter on the pilot’s radio.

She frowned and pulled out her cell phone.

As she dialed a number, she glanced out the window again.

It was then that she registered the dozens of other planes lined up in haphazard rows. And the long line of cars beyond the airport, stretching out along the winding country road.

What was going on?

***

Seven hours later, Zoey felt like she was losing her mind. She’d tried to ask the flight attendants questions or chat with her neighbor but no one seemed to know anything or be willing to share if they did. No one around her had a phone so she couldn’t even call her parents to let them know about the delay.

Her unease had only grown when the captain announced that complimentary drinks were going to be provided. Alcoholic drinks.

In Zoey’s limited experience, businesses only gave alcohol away on holidays and during the shittiest of circumstances. She doubted it was a holiday in…wherever-they-were Newfoundland.

As her fellow passengers got drunker, they got louder. And the plane only got hotter and more stifling.

An hour after the drinks, someone finally cracked open the airplane door. It did little overall but something was better than nothing at this rate.

Zoey couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to move. She needed to plug herself into her code and block out all this madness.

Her neighbor had joined the drunken revelry at the back a half hour ago. Scooping up her computer, Zoey wriggled out of her seat and made her way towards first class. There might be more leg room up there at least. And it was further from the drunk singing.

***

Joan wanted to kill somebody. They’d been sitting on the ground for over seven hours by this point, not including the five hour flight beforehand. And still, no one was telling them what was going on.

At least the free vodka was taking some of the edge off. But if she didn’t get off this plane soon, she was going to lose her mind. Or strangle a flight attendant.

“Excuse me…?”

Joan turned and saw the klutzy redhead from earlier pointing at the empty seat beside her. “Do…do you mind if I sit here? I need to get some work done and the back of the plane is filled with a lot of singing drunk people.”

Joan eyed the stranger, seizing her up. She was younger than Joan by maybe a decade and looked even younger in her bright shirt. An even brighter cardigan was tied around her waist. Her smile was soft and hesitant, like she was afraid to offend or even exist.

Joan shrugged. “No, of course not.” She was way past the point of caring. They were stuck in a plane in the middle of nowhere. Not like things could get much worse.

The woman took Charlie’s empty seat, giving Joan a soft smile.

“I’m Zoey.” She was clutching a laptop like it was a lifeline. That was the only reason Joan engaged with her.

“Joan.” She replied.

“H…how are you doing?” Zoey asked, her face pinching in concern.

Joan sighed. “Wish I knew what was happening.” She bit her lip and swigged the rest of her vodka miniature. “And worried about someone who was flying today…I wish I could tell him I’m in…Iceland!”

“Newfoundland.” Zoey’s face immediately fell as Joan rounded on her at the correction. “Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to correct you!” The young woman gave a sheepish smile. “I’m hoping you’re one of those people who laugh when awkward people say stupid things.”

Joan couldn’t help but smile. “It’s fine. Don’t mind me, I’m just frustrated.”

Zoey nodded and Joan had to admire her empathy, especially under these circumstances. “Where were you coming from?” Zoey inquired.

“London.”

Zoey tilted her head, interest apparently piqued. “Really? You dont have an accent!”

Joan laughed. “I’m not from there…I’m…just working there. I haven’t developed the accent yet.” She gestured at the laptop. “How about you? What are you working on?” She normally wasn’t one for small talk, especially with strangers. But there was literally nothing else to do at this point so why not? Besides, Zoey wasn’t the worst option on the plane. Not by a long shot.

Zoey blushed and placed her laptop on the tray-table. It was a fairly expensive model but a few years old and clearly well-loved. “I’m actually a student.” She admitted. “Senior at San Fran State. I was coming back from a semester abroad in Paris. I’m studying computer science with a minor in languages.”

“Really?” Joan found herself turning towards the young woman, actually interested. What were the odds? “What are you going to do with that?”

Zoey gestured at the computer. “I’m working on my thesis: a piece of software for instant translations on emails and instant messages. I’m starting with English to French but hopefully I’ll be able to expand it.”

Joan was intrigued. “Well…this may be your lucky day…” She smiled. “I work for Google.”

Zoey’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

The next two hours flew by. They talked about everything: job prospects at Google, the finer coding points of Zoey’s software, life in London, and dog breeds. For a time, they were both able to put aside the trepidation and frustration of the long wait inside the plane.

They only stopped when the captain turned on the intercom and the voice of the president filtered through the plane.

“My fellow Americans…”

They listened in confusion at his words: talk of victims and brave Americans rescuing their fellow citizens. Joan bit her lip, worry starting to creep in. What had happened? From the sound of it, some kind of natural disaster or explosion. But there was no way to get information while they were stuck here. Her phone was dead and anyway, there was…no one to call.

Joan turned to Zoey and was startled to see the younger woman trembling.

“Hey…” She gently touched Zoey’s shoulder, unsure if the action was welcome. “Hey, you okay?”

The younger woman smiled in gratitude but it seemed forced. “Joan…I know we just met…but…” She swallowed hard, seeming like she was looking for words. “I just…I’m all alone and I dont know what’s happening and…”

Joan touched her shoulder once more. “It’s fine.” She assured her. “I’m…alone too. You can stick with me until we figure things out.”

Zoey seemed relieved.

***

Joan briefly lost track of Zoey during the madness of disembarkation. The younger woman had slipped back to her seat as they heard they were leaving, needing to grab her bag. For all the long hours they’d been stuck, once word came down that they were finally getting off, leaving took very little time.

Joan was ushered down the aisle before Zoey reappeared. They finally left their plane and were herded through the darkness into the airport.

Joan swore it was older than she was - probably a relic from the Cold War…or World War II. Thankfully, they didn’t spend long inside.

The local soldiers guided them towards a line of school buses; keeping some flights together and splitting others up indiscriminately.

Joan glanced around as she shuffled along, wondering where Zoey had gotten to. Wondering if the vibrant young coder had fallen out of her life already. It was a shame if she had…Joan had rather liked her.

She followed other passengers from her flight onto a bus and claimed a seat about halfway down. It was cramped and squeaky. But at least it wasn’t a plane. She sat there for 20 minutes, one hand on the other half of the seat in a halfhearted attempt to save it.

But just as every other seat on the bus filled up, a familiar redhead climbed aboard. Joan’s heart jumped.

“Zoey!” She stood and waved to her, guiding her towards the empty seat. “I thought we’d lost you.” She was very glad she hadn’t.

Zoey shook her head, clutching her bag in one hand and her laptop case in the other. “No…No I just needed to get an emergency prescription filled….” Her eyes widened and she shook her hands. “N…nothing serious! It’s not like…I’m going to go crazy because I…I’m off my meds…” The younger woman deflated slightly. “I…I’ll stop talking now…”

Joan chuckled. “It’s fine.” It was…kind of endearing actually.

Zoey settled next to her. “Did you find out about your husband?” She asked. “Was he flying today?”

Joan stiffened. “Do you mind if we just dont talk about that?” She had called Charlie moments after they first landed. The conversation had barely lasted a minute before her battery died. He was safe. And he didn’t seem to care about…whatever had happened or wherever she was. But Joan was more concerned with her utter lack of relief about that revelation. Maybe once she knew just what the hell was going on, she would actually feel glad that he was safe. But right now…

“How about you?” She asked Zoey, finding she was genuinely interested in her companion’s state. “Did you manage to get through to your family? In San Francisco?”

Zoey’s face fell. “No. The pay phones were all out of order…and no one had a cell phone…I just…I just wish we knew what was happening!”

Joan was filled with a resolve so intense that it erased all thoughts of her husband. “I know. I’m sorry.” She squeezed Zoey’s shoulder, utterly unconcerned at how quickly that action had become commonplace for them. “I’ll help you find a phone as soon as we get…” She glanced up, out the bus windows and into the darkness surrounding them. “Wherever we’re going…”

Zoey smiled in thanks. They didn’t say much for the rest of the bus ride. But neither did anyone else.

***

The bus took them to a school gymnasium. Hundreds of gym mats, air mattresses, and army cots had been laid out in long rows along the floor. Some had pillows or blankets but most did not. Joan was glad she’d grabbed her airplane blanket but this still looked terrible. Were they really going to be staying here overnight? Surely they could find a better hotel. She’d gladly share with Zoey if it got them both out of here.

A woman greeted them as they ambled in, identifying herself in a thick accent as Beulah, a staff member of the school. She directed them to grab a spot for themselves and that once they were settled, they could come back into the cafeteria and watch the news on several old television sets.

As eager as she was to know just why the hell they were here, Joan decided she’d rather have first pick of the beds.

Through it all, Zoey clung to Joan’s side. She took the air mattress next to Joan’s, tucking her computer between their beds. Joan waited for her while she carefully covered the case with her blanket.

Then they went into the cafeteria.

It seemed like everyone from their flight and beyond was there, crammed into the space, trying to get a glimpse.

Joan managed to push her way through to the front, Zoey trailing behind her.

Then they finally saw.

They all stood there in front of the TVs, taking it all in in stunned silence.

Smoke, steel, dust. A plane appearing out of nowhere and…

Joan couldn’t look away. She felt…lost, untethered. Any sense of safety she’d had the privilege of ignorance about was shattered forever.

The same footage was on an endless loop, like some kind of cruel flipbook. It should have been a movie. But it wasn’t.

When the first tower fell, a collective gasp went up around the room.

Without thinking, Joan reached for Zoey’s hand. The younger woman was pale and trembling but she gripped Joan’s hand so tightly she felt her tendons re-arrange. In that moment, Joan was so glad the coder had chosen to take Charlie’s seat.

This was a history-defining moment. And all they could do was assure the other that in this moment when they could do nothing, when they were stranded thousands of miles away from all the chaos and death, they were not alone.

Some time later, after someone had turned the news off in frustration, Zoey finally let go of Joan’s hand. She turned away and pushed her way out of the crowd, towards the hallway.

“Zoey?” Joan followed her, unwilling to let her out of her sight again.

She found her collapsed against the wall. The young woman looked shaken, like her world was crumbling.

Joan kneeled beside her and placed her hands on her shoulders. “Zoey, what is it?” She asked, as gently as she could.

Zoey shook her head and swallowed. “My…my brother, David…is in law school in Manhattan…” She looked up, face pale. “What…what if he was there?”

Joan didn’t have an answer for her.

Zoey looked down. She wasn’t crying, it was more like…helplessness. Or a despair so deep it had rendered her unable to move.

Watching her, Joan felt the true weight of their situation settle heavily on her shoulders. They were stuck here in wherever Newfoundland, while there…people were dead, people were dying, the wreckage was burning.

It could have been any of them.

She could have been in the towers, visiting on business like she had been a year ago. The terrorists could have hijacked their flight and flown it off-course. Zoey could have been in Manhattan, visiting her brother. Zoey’s brother could have been on the ground.

They couldn’t do anything…couldn’t call people, couldn’t go home, couldn’t seek revenge, or help the wounded.

Zoey gave a tiny sound, something like a gasp but fainter, more vulnerable.

Joan fixated on it. It was something. Something she could do.

Maybe if she could just help this poor girl find out about her brother, everything would somehow be okay.

***

Zoey barely slept.

It felt like every time she closed her eyes, she was seeing smoke engulfing New York City streets she had walked a mere year before. The sounds of people screaming and sirens blaring echoed in her head. The creaking of her air mattress sounded too similar to the crunch of concrete.

Finally, she gave up. Wrapping herself in Joan’s airplane blanket, she staggered towards the gym doors and forced one open. A blast of cool Canadian air whipped past her, bringing her body back here, back to this strange place. Far away from there. Far away from David.

Wherever he was.

Her lip trembled as she thought of him. When was the last time she’d called? The last time she’d said she loved him? When had she last heard him laugh? Why hadn’t she cherished those moments?

The cold had stopped helping.

Now it was inside her. It was consuming her.

***

As dawn broke, a woman named Annette brought Zoey a cup of coffee. She was sitting in a chair by the edge of the room, exhausted and still lost in horrible thoughts about David. Joan was nowhere in sight, having slipped out early in the morning for unknown reasons. Zoey missed her.

“Mornin’ hun.” Annette greeted, “you hungry? We got breakfast down in the cafeteria.”

Zoey shook her head. Her stomach was empty but the thought of food nauseated her. And the televisions were still on in the cafeteria.

“Well then, do you need to change?” Annette asked, “I can get you some clean clothes if you want.”

Zoey almost refused but then she realized that these were the same clothes she’d put on the day before yesterday, underwear and all. Suddenly, it felt like they were melding into her skin. She nodded and Annette patted her on the hand before getting up to grab her a change of clothes.

It was a relief she hadn’t known she needed. But at the same time, the strangeness of it just made her miss home even more. And think about how far away she was from David and from San Francisco.

Zoey had just finished putting on the fresh underwear, slightly too big jeans, and was pulling on a plaid shirt that clashed horribly with her hair when Joan finally returned.

The older woman cocked her head at the outfit but all she said was: “Is your hair different? You look good.”

Zoey chuckled, fingering the hasty ponytail. “Thanks. It’s just super unwashed…” She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling like a different person. “Are we leaving?”

Joan shrugged. “No one seems to know.” She was still wearing the same clothes from the plane and she was fiddling with something in her pocket. Her hair was also pulled back but into a severe bun that Zoey immediately envied. Zoey opened her mouth to tell her about the free clothes but Joan seemed preoccupied. She jerked her head towards the door Zoey had stood in front of the night before. “Zoey, come with me…”

Joan led her outside the building, one hand in her pocket, the other clutching Zoey’s tightly. Zoey followed, silent but alert.

As they stood in the chilly air, Joan finally pulled out her other hand.

A cell phone. A fancy, expensive, international phone.

Zoey gasped, eyes sliding from the device to Joan’s face.

“I finally got a chance to charge it.” Joan said, sounding apologetic. “I…I wanted to make sure you got to use it first, before I offer it to the others.” She held it out to Zoey. “Go on, check on your family. I’ll be just inside if you need me.”

Hands shaking, Zoey took the phone. Her stomach was in knots.

“Wait,” She called as Joan turned to go inside. “Stay? Please?”

Joan nodded. She took a few steps back, far enough to give Zoey some privacy but never letting her out of her sight.

Her heart thrumming, Zoey dialed the number.

***

Joan watched intently as the coder used her phone. Her eyes traced Zoey’s path as she spoke rapidly with someone on the other end. She folded her arms tightly as Zoey stopped pacing and her face pinched with sympathy as she saw the young woman place a hand over her chest.

After a few moments, Zoey hung up and made her way back to Joan.

She braced herself.

“He’s…he’s okay…” Zoey let out a shaky breath. “David he…he’s with my parents in San Francisco…he wasn’t in New York when it…” Her lip trembled, a single tear dripping down her face.

Unsure what else to do, Joan only held out her arms.

Zoey fell into her embrace, her small form shaking with relief as she sobbed.

***

The next two days were torturous.

There was nothing to do. Nothing but wait. Wait for a phone to be available in the hallway. Wait for the news to show the clips again. Wait for the word that they were leaving.

While knowing that her family was safe had taken some of the edge off, Zoey still found herself anxious, jumpy and unable to sleep. She stuck by Joan like a barnacle.

Joan seemed to notice and would try to distract her. On the second morning, after finally managing to stomach some food, they risked going outside for a walk and explored the town together. Joan had finally caved and accepted a gift of clothing from Annette. She was bundled up in a sweater that was far too large for her and jeans she constantly complained about. They talked more about Zoey’s thesis, about Joan’s favorite parts of London. Anything but the dark cloud hanging over the world.

For a brief moment, Zoey convinced her to open up about her husband and learned the sad truth: after 6 years of marriage, Joan was getting divorced.

Joan didn’t seem sad about it.

Some of the local kids invited them into a yard they passed and spent an hour playing with Zoey’s hair, putting her messy locks into braids and plaits. The youngest of them eventually convinced Joan to sit and receive a single sloppy braid. Zoey had to laugh at the ridiculous hairstyle. Joan did not take the braid out.

As they walked back to the school in the quickly dwindling sunlight, Zoey reached for Joan’s hand again. Joan took it without a second thought, her thumb rubbing Zoey’s hand soothingly.

It was a simple gesture. But to Zoey, it grounded her here.

She barely knew this woman. But she was here. And she was amazing. She’d spent all day just talking to her, distracting her from the horrible state of the world and the remote location they were stranded in.

Zoey hated to think that Joan would tire of her and leave her all alone again. She desperately tried to think of ways to pay the woman back for her attention and came up blank.

She didn’t want to be alone. And she didn’t want Joan to be alone.

But was that enough?

***

The following night, (after another day spent walking with Zoey, this time along the coast) Beulah invited them all down to the local Legion building for “some drinking and some fun.” Which was probably a good call: there had been several loud arguments over phones that day and even a brief fight between several of the passengers. Everyone was on edge and stuck in place. A little drinking could only help at this rate.

Joan wasn’t going to go; it didn’t feel right with everything that was happening. She didn’t want to celebrate: she’d finally decided that her marriage (it it had ever really been that) was over. She’d be going back to London alone if all this ever ended - to an empty flat and a demanding job and a cold bed. It felt wrong to be upset or even happy over such a thing when the world was still reeling from Tuesday.

But then Zoey piped up and said: “I’m only going if Joan is going!” and just like that, she was slipping on her borrowed shoes (heels only got a woman so far in this place) and following the crowd down towards the Legion building. As soon as she stepped inside, Joan knew it had been the right choice.

The night was insanity in the best way. Over 400 people from all over the world were celebrating together: drinking, dancing, even swimming in the river! And then the instruments came out.

Joan had never particularly cared for fiddles or accordions. But after two beers, she forgot that.

Lost with Zoey among the strangers from around the world, Joan forgot all about her aversion to dancing and her image: she tore up the dance floor with jig after mindless jig. Of course, the fact that Zoey was pulling her along and laughing and holding her hands certainly helped with that.

It was a new feeling for Joan: enjoying spending time with someone. And having someone enjoy spending time with her. Charlie had never seemed to care for their date nights, he more put up with them for the promise of sex.

But Zoey clearly enjoyed being here. And more importantly, she enjoyed being her with her. So Joan let loose.

As the night went on, the locals decided it was time for a ceremony.

“We needs a couple of volunteers!” Mayor Claude declared, “Who wants to be Newfoundlanders?”

Zoey snatched Joan’s arm and dragged her forward, not giving Joan enough time to bring her drink along. “Us!” Zoey cried, “we wanna be Newfoundlanders!!”

Joan, already a little tipsy and way too engaged in Zoey’s enthusiasm could only nod along.

Claude beamed at them. “Where are you two from?” He asked.

“California!” Zoey shouted, drowning out Joan’s murmured answer.

“What part of California are you from, ma’am?” Claude asked Joan.

“No! No!” Zoey waved her hands. “I’m from California.” She pointed at Joan. “She’s in England!”

Claude chuckled, “wait…now how does that work?”

“How does…what work?” Joan asked.

“Well how does your marriage work?” Claude inquired, “with one of you in California and the other in England?”

Zoey and Joan exchanged a quick glance, both of their faces red. Joan only just realized how close together they were standing. And in borrowed clothes and no makeup, the age difference between them seemed invisible to onlooking strangers.

“Uhhh...we’re, we’re not married…” Zoey told him. Joan was having trouble forming words.

Claude laughed again. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I thought you were…” He regarded them, seeming to read something in their embarrassed silence. “Well…” He raised an eyebrow at them, “would you like to be?”

Zoey’s face lit up. “Well why not?!” She cried. She seized Joan’s hand and lifted it up into the air. “Whoooooo!!!”

Logically, Joan knew it was the alcohol talking. Zoey herself had said earlier that she’d never had more than one beer at a time before and yet she’d watched the woman down two beers in quick succession that night.

Nevertheless, Joan, her face on fire and a stupid grin that she couldn’t justify on her face, went and got the woman two more beers.

The actual ceremony of becoming a Newfoundlander was a bizarre mix of local culture and sorority hazing.

Joan stuck by Zoey’s side as they sang a long upbeat song, tasted local food, and knocked back a horrific rum that burned her sinuses clean off.

But then came the cod.

It was a large, slimy thing that stared at them with big, dead eyes. Two local men were needed to hold it up.

And to Joan’s horror, the final part of becoming a Newfoundlander was kissing this dead fish.

“I’m not kissing a fish!” She declared.

“I will if you will!” Zoey promised, her face a pleasant shade of red from the alcohol. It was hard to dismiss that face. Joan eyed the thing distastefully as another volunteer puckered their lips and kissed the scales.

But they’d come this far…and it couldn’t be worse than kissing Charlie after sushi night, could it?

“Oh my god…” Closing her eyes, Joan pursed her lips and leaned forward. She pecked as soon as she felt something cool and slimy and darted back, retching.

It was worse. But only barely.

But when her turn came, Zoey balked. “I can’t do it!” She exclaimed, covering her face with her hands.

“Come on, I did it!” Joan protested, elbowing her forward. “Pucker up!”

“You gotta kiss a cod, it’s a vital part of the ceremony!” Claude insisted.

But Zoey backed off again, shaking her head and giggling. “I can’t do it!”

Claude chuckled. “Okay, I tell you what. I’ll make you a deal.” He pointed to the cod. “Either you kiss this fish…” His finger slid to Joan. “Or you kiss this English-woman that you’re ‘not married to’.”

Zoey didn’t even hesitate. In a single motion, she launched herself at the taller woman and wrapped an arm around her waist.

Startled, Joan could only catch her. Since she wasn’t wearing heels, their faces were mere inches apart. Zoey pressed forward. Their lips met and held in a glorious kiss. All around them, the room erupted in yips and cheers.

Zoey broke away after a second, grinning stupidly and completely red in the face. Then, as if nothing had happened, she grabbed Joan’s hand and pulled her back into the crowd of dancers.

Joan couldn’t stop looking at her the rest of the night.

***

The word finally came down early on Saturday: the FAA was going to open the airspace back up.

Captain Bass got in contact with their flight and informed them that they’d be leaving as soon as it was possible so they shouldn’t travel too far from their shelters.

Zoey managed to convince Joan to take one last walk with her. She’d heard about a nearby geologic marvel called the Dover Fault from Annette and thought it might be the perfect last hurrah.

They clambered up what felt like several thousand stairs carved into the cliff, panting and assuring the other that they were okay.

Finally, they crested the edge and gazed out from the overlook. The ocean crashed into the rocky inlet, scouring the ancient rocks.

“This is incredible!” Zoey called. She beckoned Joan forward. “Look! I can’t believe we’re here!” But as she stared at the gorgeous view, Zoey felt her smile start to slip away.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving…” She lamented. It all felt like a dream that was drawing to a close.

“…I don’t want to go…” Joan murmured.

Zoey turned back to her, “What did you say?”

Joan shook her head, smiling. “Oh nothing…I’m going to uh…” she held up her disposable camera that she��d purchased in town. “…to take some pictures.”

Zoey nodded. “O…okay.” She stood aside to give Joan a better shot.

She was a bit of a light-weight but Zoey remembered the night at the Legion in snatches: lively dances, delicious rum, and shouting that she wanted to be married to Joan. She remembered launching herself at Joan out of desperation to not kiss a slimy sea creature. She remembered her stomach and chest filling with fire as their lips met.

But Joan hadn’t said a word about it. Hadn’t even indicated that she remembered any of it. They continued with their walks and their discussions of technology and little things.

They didn’t talk about the kiss.

Zoey realized Joan was still pointing the camera towards her and took another step back. “No…stay where you are!” Joan called, eye still in her camera.

“Really? I’m blocking your shot!”

Joan smiled at her. “It’s perfect.”

The shutter clicked, capturing the moment in time.

Zoey felt like she should say something; tease Joan about her taking her photo or ask her if she had really meant what she’d said.

Staying here…it was a ridiculous idea. They were only here because of…because of the tragedy. They had lives of their own to get back to. But the more she thought about it, standing there on the chilly edge of a cliff on the edge of the Atlantic, going back to her life in California felt…empty.

Logically, she knew that once she was back she wouldn’t feel that way. Her family was there, and her friends, and her thesis that needed completion. There were things she loved and fulfilling work to occupy her time.

But Joan wouldn’t be there.

Zoey stared as Joan slowly lowered her camera, the device whirring to indicate it was out of film.

Joan would return to her incredible job in London, working long hours and finalizing her divorce. As the days returned to normal, she’d forget all about the redheaded college coder she’d briefly known in this place. Zoey knew she was unremarkable; a mere blip in Joan’s life. A chance encounter.

They stared at each other, standing on the edge of this chasm that marked a time when tectonic plates had unexpectedly crashed together and then separated forever.

Zoey never wanted this moment to end. If the world had stopped spinning right then and there, she would be happy.

***

They barely made it out before the hurricane made landfall. Pack-up was hasty and haphazard, with no one sure if they should keep the borrowed clothes and no one knowing how to thank the people of Gander for their incredible compassion and hospitality.

Joan and Zoey scribbled a hasty thank you across the wall closest to where their air mattresses had been. They wrote it in three languages: English, French, and binary code. Then it was back onto the buses and back to the ancient airport.

The winds were picking up and it had begun to rain as Captain Bass taxied the plane down the runway.

No one had cared about assigned seats for the flight back. Joan’s feet had followed Zoey into the Economy class and they had taken two seats in a row near the back. No one joined them in their row. Despite the utter lack of anything resembling personal space, Joan couldn’t have cared less. It was where Zoey was. And that was the only place she wanted to be.

As they picked up speed, Joan reached for Zoey’s hand but recoiled a second before she grabbed it. What was she doing? Trying to hold onto this moment? Trying to stop them from leaving?

It was too late now.

They were leaving. And she was going to return to a newly-empty life a continent and an ocean away from Zoey’s warmth and light.

The first hour of the flight was silent. Zoey kept opening her mouth like she wanted to say something but she never did. Joan didn’t know what to say. Or if she should say anything at all. Every possible thing she could say felt inadequate.

But as Captain Bass gleefully announced over the intercom that they had crossed back into US airspace, Joan glanced over at her companion. Zoey was crying, silently and intensely, as if she just couldn’t stop.

Joan immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned in, aiming for Zoey’s forehead to give her a comforting kiss.

But the plane jostled at the exact moment Zoey turned towards her.

Joan’s lips grazed the corner of Zoey’s mouth instead of her forehead.

Zoey gazed up at her, eyes wide and hopeful.

Her heart leaping, Joan shifted the angle of her mouth.

Their lips met again. And this time, they simply didn’t stop.

They kissed and canoodled for hours at the back of the plane. All around them, Joan was aware of cabin addresses and their fellow passengers drinking and sharing stories of their stay. But all she cared about was Zoey. Wrapping her arms around Zoey, playing with Zoey’s hair, kissing Zoey as often as she could. Zoey was real. These feelings were real. And like the Dover Fault, she would remain real no matter how long it was after they parted ways.

At one point, not long after Captain Bass had announced that they were now flying over California, a flight attendant paused alongside their seats, tongs ready to hand out hot towels.

“Cold towel?” She asked, smirking.

Blushing, Zoey hid her face in Joan’s neck. Joan couldn’t stop smiling.

***

But of course, they had to part ways.

There was a measure of relief among all of them as they safely touched down in LAX. If she was being honest, Zoey had been carrying a tiny knot of fear in her chest the whole flight home, a small part of her convinced their journey would end the same way as all that footage on the news.

But as soon as they were safely on the ground, that knot of fear became a hard ball of dread.

“So…” She faced Joan at the baggage claim, laptop clutched in one hand, the other hand clasped tightly in Joan’s. Zoey knew her family was anxiously waiting outside and that Joan had a connection to send her back across the Atlantic to London leaving soon.

But neither of them wanted to move.

“So…” Joan echoed, trying to smile but failing.

“So, you’ll call?” Zoey asked.

Joan squeezed her hand. “As soon as I get back.”

She leaned forward and pecked Zoey on the lips. Despite the hours of frantic making out they’d done on the plane and the drunken kiss at the Legion, it felt like their first kiss.

Joan smiled one last time and let go of Zoey’s hand.

And then Zoey was all alone.

***

Joan’s flight back to London passed like a dream. Since she’d been hastily rescheduled onto this flight (having missed her original days ago), she was stuck in Economy. And despite the fact that there were literally only six other people on the plane, she still was not permitted to move up to first class. But she hardly cared.

When she finally opened the door to her flat, she swore it had all been a dream.

Her belongings were still exactly as she’d left them, barely any dust to mark the passage of time.

So far away from New York, London bustled about as normal below her window, the fear still internal and existential for now.

But as she unpacked, Joan found the camera.

She dropped everything and ran out to find a 24-hour photo developer.

Within two hours, she held living proof that it wasn’t a dream.

Zoey, standing on the edge of the Dover Fault, her red hair flying in the ocean wind, her smile soft but fondly directed towards the lens.

Joan stroked the print, tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

The flat was so empty.

***

“Hi.”

“Hey”

“How are you?”

“Good…my advisor says if I can finish my report by the end of November, I can graduate as planned.”

“That’s great!”

Zoey paused, unsure what else to say. She would call just before bed, knowing that it was about the time Joan woke up. But life got in the way and the calls had dwindled from a few per week to one per week when they were lucky. And even then, their conversations, which had flowed so effortlessly in person, barely lasted an hour before one of them had to go.

Zoey had found it increasingly difficult to remain optimistic the past few months. Everyone was just so afraid all the time. David had transferred from Manhattan to a California law school, not wanting to be so far away anymore. He’d refused to fly and instead carpooled across the country with his girlfriend Emily. Her parents spoke in hushed voices when they thought she couldn’t hear and her father increasingly watched the news over anything else.

Zoey found herself crying more often and thinking increasingly about how lucky she’d been. But that was always quickly followed by guilt. How dare she celebrate finding Joan and a small bit of happiness in the chaos when so many people were dead?

And while she didn’t feel alone, Zoey still felt unsettled. She’d told her parents about Joan but they still didn’t seem to get it. They hadn’t been in Gander. They hadn’t known the feeling of being stranded and yet feeling at peace amid all the horrors.

“Zoey?” She hadn’t spoken in awhile.

“I…I miss you.” Zoey admitted, her voice small. “I miss Newfoundland. And I know…I know we cant go back but…”

She couldn’t finish her sentence. She couldn’t tell Joan how some nights she slipped out of her dorm room and walked to the pier just so she could close her eyes and imagine she was back in Gander, Joan’s hand in hers as they looked out over the ocean. She couldn’t say just how much she needed Joan here - as she had been at the beginning of this terrifying new world - to be at her side and talk to her, hold her hand and provide comfort in the darkness.

Joan listened intently, unsure if Zoey was crying or just at a loss for words. She wanted so badly to be there. Her life since Gander had been nothing but work. Endless hours at Google and a few spare hours with her lawyer. Her flat was starting to feel stifling.

She dreamed of Gander, of long walks with Zoey, of crashing continents and salty air. She longed for a warm embrace, for soft lips on hers. Her thoughts formed dangerous plans that had her terrified. Suddenly nothing of her old life made sense…and she cared nothing for it.

“J…Joan?”

Joan sighed down the line.

They couldn’t do this. It wasn’t going to work if they were a continent apart.

“Zoey…I’m going to move to San Francisco.” She said it softly, giving those dangerous plans more leverage.

Zoey’s breath caught. “Joan…”

She barreled on. “I applied for a transfer to the main Google office…don’t try to change my mind.” Joan beseeched her, knowing Zoey was about to protest. “The divorce papers are signed, my bags can be packed in a week. I’m coming to you. If you’ll have me.” Her voice was heavy with meaning. The kind of meaning that expected an answer.

Zoey let out a shaky exhale, clutching the phone cord tightly in her hand. “Yes. Yes Joan.”

***

One year later

Joan gazed out over the bands of ancient rock. Now that she was really looking, she could see the bits and pieces that stood out: parts of another that had been left behind during an intimate collision.

“Remember the last time we were here?”

Joan turned to the voice, smiling. “Of course…” She wrapped her arm around the shorter woman, pulling her close as they stared over the Dover Fault. “I never wanted that moment to end.”

Zoey took her hand, finger rubbing the smooth plane of the brand new golden band around Joan’s finger.

“It didn’t.”

Because like the continents, when the world had crashed together in a moment of upheaval, they had found some small, beautiful thing to cherish from the chaos.

#zoey x joan #zoey's extraordinary playlist #come from away #crossover #angst and tragedy #Emotional Hurt/Comfort #the crossover no one asked for #the author is clearly just mashing together two things they very much enjoy and seeing what happens

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to-beweightless · 4 years

Text

Delicious low calorie French toast

Ingredients

1 ripe banana

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon vanilla

additional sweetener, optional and to taste. I used stevia

2 slices of bread (any kind you want, I used whole wheat 45 calorie bread)

Sugar free maple syrup (optional and to taste) I made my own using this recipe

Instructions

In a blender, puree the bananas, almond milk, cinnamon, and vanilla until thick and smooth. Pour into a shallow bowl.

Heat a greased non-stick skillet over medium high heat. Coat both sides of one of the bread slices in the banana mixture and place in the hot skillet. Cook until golden and crispy, 2-3 minutes on each side. Repeat with the remaining bread slices or until you've used up the banana mixture. Serve with maple syrup for the breakfast of champions. Devour.

Nutrition

Calories: 75 cal per slice

Fat: 0 grams g

This is really tasty especially when your craving something sweet but you dont want to eat too much. I had 2 slices for breakfast and I've been full for alot of today

#health #healthy #food #food tw #ed #eating disorder #low cal snacks #low cal ana #low cal sweets #low cal food

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uta-no-knb · 6 years

Note

Brief knb scenario, angst with a happy ending: Kuroko, Kagami, Midorima, and Akashi's friend confesses she's falling in love with them. They never thought of her as a potential girlfriend, so they reject her. Then and there, she declares "then we cant be friends anymore. Because i dont want to watch you fall in love with anyone else". After being without her, they realize they would be good together and they make up with her.

Ooooh, an angst; I think this is either the second or third angst request I’ve ever received (the exception being the mini Akashi series (Part 1, Part 2, Part 1.5,.) (Had to link the wattpad part since I changed the name of my blog)

Just like my Ai/Camus/Ren request, and the Yosen one, It’ll be a generic scenario, but different outcomes with each one.

The setting for these will be after “Extra Game”; so that means, no Bokushi (aka, Akashi being back to his normal self)

In addition, for the resolution, Kagami and Kuroko’s results will be exactly the same (just different since they’re different names)

And I’m sorry but......one or two of them might just end in angst aaaaand this might’ve taken a slightly different direction.

Let’s begin!!

Meet me at Starbucks/Maji Burger after practice please; I need to talk to you.

Those were the words you said to your best friend before he headed off to practice, and while they were vague words, to you, they meant a whole lot more; these words would mark your future with him.

You looked down the (F/D) in your hand, nerves starting to get the best of you. You didn’t want this talk to ruin your friendship with him, but at the same time, hoping that he won’t say no. Taking a sip of your drink, you looked at your phone and started to play “Munchkin Match”, and after 30 minutes, just as you were about to complete the level, you got a text from him, saying that he was on his way.

Feeling your stomach drop, you said a silent prayer to help calm your nerves. You heard the bell ring, and looking up, you saw your friend walking in, walking towards you; all you can do was give him a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Kuroko

Location: Maji Burger

“Sorry I’m a little late, (L/N)-chan,” he said, as he walked over and sat across from you. “Coach worked us a bit overtime.”

“It’s alright,” you say with a smile, “I completed a few levels in ‘Munchkin Match’ while I waited, so it’s all good.”

“So you managed to beat that one level?” he said with a smile, knowing that you were struggling with a level that was over 200.

You nodded in response.

“I’m going to go get a milkshake and I’ll be-”

“One milkshake,” a server said, as they brought out the vanilla milkshake and set it on the table.

“Thank you.”

The server left with a smile, and Kuroko turned to look at you. “You didn’t have to do that you know,” he said.

“I know, but I wanted too,” you replied, taking a sip out of your own milkshake.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, getting down to business.

You pressed your lips together, looking down at your milkshake; you knew that Kuroko was kinda blunt, yet, you still felt extremely anxious. He’s your best friend, and you shouldn’t feel this way, yet it's scary.

“Tetsu,” you started, as you took a deep breath, “We’ve been friends for a while.” You still couldn’t look him in the eyes, at least not at the moment. “You understand me, you respect me, you pretty much know everything about me. I know you’re focused on basketball, but I just wanted to tell you,” you paused again, “I’ve grown to love you, Tetsuya, and I find myself still falling for you.”

You felt relief wash over you, for the burden of this confession finally being out in the open. Yet, your heart was still pounding, nervous about the response you were going to receive.

Looking up at Kuroko, you saw that, like usual, his face showed no emotion as he was taking sips of him milkshake, which you expected since he wasn’t a very expressive guy-yet the look was making you really nervous.

“I appreciate the confession, (L/N),” he started, looking at you straight into your eyes, “but I’m sorry, I’ve never thought of you as a potential girlfriend; just a good friend.”

You froze; you thought you knew him well. The way he acted around you...maybe you read into his kind gestures. You thought you had braced yourself for the rejection, but it turns out that you hadn’t. You felt your heart break, as your stomach sank; you tried to avoid crying, but the tears just came out.

“I honestly hope that my response doesn’t change anything-”

“I’m sorry, but it does change everything,” you say, looking up at him as tears were on the brim of your eyes. “I’m sorry but we can’t be friends anymore-”

“Why would you say that? I enjoy-”

“Because I don’t want to watch you fall in love with anyone else,” you said, cutting him off as you got up from the table and walked away.

“(L/N)-san-”

“See you around, Kuroko”. And just like him, you disappeared from him sight.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Kagami

Location: Maji Burger

Kagami choked on one of the many burgers that he had ordered; he wasn't sure if he heard your words correctly.

“You say what now?” he choked out, after taking a sip of hiss soda. “Did you just drop the-”

“Yes,” you say, looking awaam him, not meeting his eyes. “I’m falling in love with you, Taiga.”

Kagami starred, his brain trying to process your confirmation. You fell in love with him? There was no way that someone could.He will admit that he does like you, after all, if he didn’t you two wouldn’t be friends; but actually dating you?

“Sorry,” he said bluntly, taking another bite of his burger, “I’ve never thought of you as a potential girlfriend, just a good friend who helps me with my studies. Besides, right now, my only love is basketball.

You stared at him in disbelief, surprised that he said that so bluntly; what really surprised you was how he mentioned his studies. Does he just see me as a freakin-. You paused your train of thought by quickly standing up, the chair scraping against the floor. You were furious-not at the rejection (although that did sting), but at how casually he brought up tutoring. “No Kagami, I'm the one who’s sorry,” you said, glaring at him, “After today, we can no longer be friends and your tutor-,

“Haa? Why?” he said after swallowing the last bite of his 7th burger.

Now is when you felt the anger subside, being replaced with sadness and hurt. “B-because I don’t want to watch you fall in love with anyone else.” Grabbing your things, you quickly bolted from the building, ignoring the shouts from your former friend

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Midorima

Location: Maji Burger

“I didn’t realize that Takao would be joining us,” you said as you saw your friend walk into Maji Burger with his ‘shadow’ partner.

“Sup, (N/N)-chan!” Takao said cheerfully, as he and Midorima say down across from you. “Hope you don’t mind that I tagged along. You know how Shin-chan is in regards to hanging out with you.”

“Shut up, Takao.”

You chuckled since you knew what Takao said was true; while you and the shooting guard were close friends (or as close as he would allow you two to be), he still couldn’t grasp the concept of ‘friendship’, but you’ve found that he’s slightly getting better.

“So what did you want to talk about, nanodayo?” he asked, pushing his glasses back onto his nose. “I have important things to do-”

“Be nice, Shin-chan,” Takao said, patting his partner on the shoulder. Quickly, he turned his gaze to you, meeting your eyes; since you were friends with Midorima, you naturally grew extremely close to Takao, who seems to know you more than you know yourself. Once he made eye contact with you, he knew exactly what you wanted to talk to him about (after all, you talked about Midorima to him all the time-and you were surprised that he was able to keep him mouth shut). “I’m sure (N/N)-chan has something important to tell you.”

Midorima turned to look at you and your (e/c) eyes made contact with his. “Well?”

“I’m going to order some food, I’ll be back,” Takao said, getting up from the table; the conversation that you were about to have with him was meant to be private. However, Takao couldn’t help but feel that this talk will end badly.

You let out a sigh and decided that it was now or never. “I’m falling in love with you, Midorima Shintarou,” you said, “I want to be more than just a friend-”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” he said, cutting you off, “I’ve never thought of you as a potential girlfriend, nanodayo. If anything, you’re more of an acquaintance.”

Looking from Midorima, your eyes switched to Takao, only to quickly go back to Midorima. “Then we can’t be friends or...whatever we are anymore...because I don’t want to watch you fall in love with someone else.” You quickly got up and left, leaving behind a baffled Midorima.

“I take it the conversation didn’t go too well?” Takao asked, returning to the table with a tray of food.

“I thought it went fine, nanodayo,” he replied, pushing his glasses further up his face, “Not in her case-not that I care.”

Takao let out a sigh, taking a bite out of his french fries. You’re an idiot, Shin-chan.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Akashi

(Bokushi no longer exists)

Location: Starbucks

“Thanks for taking time to meet up after your practice, Akashi,” you say as you saw him approach the table you were at.

“I don’t have long, but you’re my friend, so I can squeeze you in.”

You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at his statement. Ever since Rakuzan’s loss to Seirin last year, and Vorpal Swords win as well, based on what you were told by Kuroko, Akashi had returned back to his old, apparently kinder self. He no longer had that harsh aura around him, and seemed to be more approachable (yet he still had his authoritative state of mind-yet it was not as harsh as it used to be).

It’s now or never, you thought as you took a deep breath. “Akashi-”

“I already know what you’re going to say,” Akashi said, as he cut you off, looking you straight in the eyes.

“W-what?”

“You invited me here to confess to me, correct?”

You were speechless; You couldn’t believe that he read you so easily; but then again, it was Akashi, but still, you thought you hid your feelings well-guess you hadn’t.

“I understand that we’ve known each other for a while and we’re friends, but I’ve never seen you as a potential girlfriend,” he said, quick and to the point, “I’ve only considered you as a friend, or a close friend, but nothing more. I'm sorry, but we could still be friends right?.”

Looking into Akashi’s eyes, you could tell that he was being sincere, yet, it still hurt. You do want to still be friends with him, but yet, you couldn’t. “I’m sorry, Akashi, but we can’t be friends anymore,” you start as you stood up, “Because I don’t want to watch you fall in love with someone else.” You looked at him one last time, both of your eyes connecting. “I’m sorry.” And with those final words, you quickly left, leaving the redhead behind.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Once you made your way back home, you bolted straight to your room, completely ignoring your parents who greeted you; they knew how you felt about your friend, so they figured they would leave you alone, and talk to you later.

Slamming the door shut, you pressed your back against it, slowly sliding down until you reached the floor. Bringing your knees to your chest, you buried your face in your arms and let the tears you were fighting to come down.

Every manga, tv show and fanfiction that you have read and seen that dealt with this situation, always ended in happy endings; the guy friend would return the feelings for the heroine, and they would live happily together. Yet in your case, it was the opposite.

You knew the difference between fantasy and reality, yet you were hoping that this particular fantasy would have had the happy ending that you were looking for.

Guess there’s no such thing as happily ever after, you thought, as you let your sobs echo through the room.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Setting: A few weeks later

----------

Kuroko/Kagami

Location: Seirin Gym

“Don’t break the hoop, Bakagami! We’re still a new school!”

“I’m not going to break it!” he shouted back, letting go of the rim and landing on the floor with a thud

“Kagami-kun, there's no need to yell,” Kuroko said, appearing out of nowhere, startling the taller teen.

“Still at it with the misdirection, huh?” he growled, getting annoyed with his shadow’s antics. “You’re going to end up giving someone a heart attack one of these days.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kagami-kun,” he replied, grabbing the ball and walking to the other side of the court, “Now, help me out.”

“Teme...don’t tell me what to do like-”

“Kagami! Leave Kuroko alone!” Riko yelled, “Don’t make me get the fan!”

Letting out a ‘tch’, Kagami followed his shadow.

“You know,” Kogani said, catching one of Hyuuga’s rebounds, “It..doesn’t the gym seem too quiet?”

Everyone stopped what they were doing, thinking on what the male had said. He had a point; it really was quiet, especially since there were only two people yelling at Kagami instead of the usual three.

“Now that you mention it, it is quiet without (L/N) here.”

“She probably got weirded out by all of the puns,” Kogani said jokingly, resting his elbow on Izuki’s shoulder.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Izuki said with confidence, “There’s no way that’s the case; puns and dad jokes work every time.”

“Didn’t-no one uses any dad jokes except you, senpai” Furihata said, walking over to him.

“Well, dad ain’t right” Izuki said, “Kitacore”

“Can you like stop for once in your life?” Hyuuga groaned fighting the urge to chuck the basketball directly into the point guards face.

“Nope,” Izuki replied with a cheeky smile, as Nigou barked in agreement. “See? Even Nigou agrees with me.”.

“I’m so done with you.”

Riko turned to look at both Kuroko and Kagami, immediately picking up on how quiet they had become; what really gave it away was how they froze at the mention of your name.

“Oi, power duo,” she yelled, “Did something happen between you and (F/N)-chan?”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Kuroko

“”She confessed to me,” Kuroko said, “She said that she loves me-”

“EEHHH!?!”

“That’s so cute!” Riko said in excitement, “Just don’t let it get in the way with prac-”

“I said no,” he added, cutting Riko off. “I’ve never considered her to be a potential girlfriend, just a good friend.”

“You’re an idiot,” Kagami said, hitting Kuroko on top of his head, causing the shorter male to let out a pained yelp. “You should’ve said yes.”

“Kagami-kun, I don’t see how I could have,” he replied. “Because if things went wrong when we’re together, then our friendship will be truly over.”

“I don’t think that's the case with (F/N),” Izuki said, he's joking tone immediately switching to a more serious one. “I’ve lost count as to how many times (F/N) gets asked out in class; she always turns them down because they all don’t have the any of the three traits that she looks for in a guy.”

“And what would that be, Izuki-senpai?” he asked.

“Compassion and loyalty and dedication” he replied with a smile, “Kuroko has a lot of compassion and dedication; whether it be basketball or anything with Nigou, he has it-”

Kuroko slightly started to smile, until he heard the rest of Izuki’s sentence.

“-even though you rarely show it physically,” Izuki concluded, only to speak up again when he saw the partially dejected expression on Kuroko’s face, “However, you still show it somehow, and (F/N) seemed to have picked up on it.”

“How do you know this?” Hyuuga asked, “We’re in the same class, yet I’ve never noticed it.”

“Because she’s a childhood friend of mine,” Izuki said, stealing the ball from Hyuuga and making a basket, “She’s my neighbor. She tells me everything.” He turned to face Kuroko. “I’m going to say this as your senpai, and not as (F/N)’s friend. You’re missing out. And besides, we can all tell that you like her more than a friend-don’t deny it,” he added, as he saw Kuroko open his mouth, as if he was about to interject.

There was silence as Kuroko let the words that Izuki said sink in. He had noticed that things were quiet at practice these past few days, the sound of your voice yelling at Kagami was missed, your words of encouragement, even the sound of your laughter echoing throughout the gym; man did he miss it. Plus, he misses hanging out with you after school at Maji’s, at lunch, even just saying a quick ‘hi’ in between classes.

Izuki was right; he does love you.

“While you might be right, Izuki-senpai, I already hurt her feelings by rejecting her, so there’s really no chance that she’d accept my apology.”

Izuki shook his head, “You’re wrong. She’s a very forgiving person...sometimes a little bit too forgiving. But one thing I do know, is that she will definitely return your feelings; she hasn’t given up hope, but she’s still keeping her distance. She usually waits for me in the little garden right by the gate to the school so we can walk home together”

Kuroko’s expression brightened up a bit, as one of his rare smiles spread across his face. “Thank you, Izuki-senpai.”

“I’ll let you go early, just this once,” Riko said, noticing how Kuroko was starting to become very antsy

With a smile, Kuroko grabbed his things and bolted out of the gym, excited that you hadn’t given up hope.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Kagami

“She...uh...confessed to me,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “She said that she’s fallen in love with me.”

“EEHHH!?!”

“That’s so cute!” Riko said in excitement, “Just don’t let it get in the way with prac-”

“I said no,” he added, cutting Riko off. “I’ve never considered her to be a potential girlfriend, just a good friend.”

“W-what?”

Before Kagami could utter a response, he felt a jab in his side; Kuroko had elbowed him in the ribs again. “Damn it that hurt!” he growled, glaring hard at the teal haired male.

“Kagami-kun, you’re an idiot. You should’ve said yes.”

“How could I have?” he exclaimed, a little too loudly. “I’ve honestly never seen her as a girlfriend, just as a good friend.”

“I’m sorry, you rejected (F/N)-san?” Koganei said, in disbelief.

“What did you say to her exactly?”

Kagami froze, as he recalled what he said, instantly regretting it. “I told her, in addition to seeing her as a good friend, I also told her that she’s a good tutor as well-”

“That’s the worst thing to say to a girl!” Riko yelled, whacking Kagami with the paper fan.

“I panicked!” he defended, “but it was insensitive.”Also, I don’t see how I could’ve said ‘yes’. Because if we were to date, and we broke up, then our friendship would be completely destroyed and she would end up with Aomine.

“....What the hell does Aomine have to do with this?”

“Apparently, it’s a rival thing, Koganei-senpai.”

“And what would that be, Izuki-senpai?” he asked.

“While stubborn guys are one of the traits she hates, which you have-don’t deny it,” Izuki started, noticing that Kagami was about to reply, “she has actually looked past that flaw in you. She actually values how determined, ambitious and headstrong you are. Plus, she’s noticed how much you have matured since last year.”

“And how do you know this?”

“Because she’s a childhood friend of mine,” Izuki said, stealing the ball from Hyuuga and making a basket, “She’s my neighbor. She tells me everything.” He turned to face Kagami. “I’m going to say this as your senpai, and not as (F/N)’s best friend. You’re missing out. And besides, we can all tell that you like her more than a friend-don’t deny it,” he added, as he saw Kagami open his mouth once again, as if he was about to interject.

There was silence as Kagami let the words that Izuki said sink in. He had noticed that things were quiet at practice these past few days, the sound of your voice yelling at him from arguing with Kuroko was missed, your words of encouragement, even the sound of your laughter echoing throughout the gym; man did he miss it. Plus, he misses hanging out with you after school at Maji’s with Kuroko-laughing at the eating contests that he has with Aomine whenever he showed up-, at lunch, even just saying a quick ‘hi’ in between classes.

Izuki was right; he does love you and he’s a real idiot for not realizing that sooner.

...Maybe the nickname “Bakagami does suit him

“While you might be right, Izuki-senpai, I already hurt her feelings by rejecting her, so there’s really no chance that she’d accept my apology.”

Kagami’s expression brightened up a bit, as one of his smiles spread across his face. “Thank you, Izuki-senpai.”

Riko let out a sigh and looked at the clock on the wall, “I’ll let you go early, just this once,” she said, noticing how Kagami was starting to become very antsy

With a smile, Kagami grabbed his things and bolted out of the gym, excited that you hadn’t given up hope.

Once the ombre haired male left, everyone turned to look at each other, surprised at the whole situation.

“Koganei, are you alright?” Riko asked, “You were quiet this entire time, and you love to interject.”

“I’m still in shock that (F/N)-san actually loves him. Out of all guys in this school, she chose him? I was expecting her to choose Izuki, since they always hang out together.

“Not a chance,” Izuki said, “I see her as a sister.” He looked at the door that Kagami just ran out of, “But if he hurts her, then I will not hold back-”

“Don’t kill him! We still need him, plus murder isn’t legal yet!”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Midorima

It had been a few months since Midorima had rejected your confession and you have been avoiding him like the plague; however, something seemed off. While you did talk a lot and get on his nerves (not as much as Takao does), he will admit that he found amusement and comfort in your presence; yet, now that you’re not around anymore, it felt...odd.

Actually, now that he thinks about it, it’s been too quiet, much more quiet than usual and he couldn’t figure out why that was-until it occurred to him; Takao wasn’t around.

That’s why it's so quiet, he thought as he exited the locker room, headed to the court for practice. He wasn’t too worried about Takao not coming in at the same time with him, since that energetic point guard loved basketball.

Opening the door to the gym, he wasn’t surprised when found the others practicing; however, what did surprise him was that Takao wasn’t on the court with them.

“It’s about time, Midorima!” the captain said, “Get your ass over here and start warming up.”

Nodding, he jogged over towards his team, and once he was there, he saw Takao talking to someone.

“Takao, we’ve got practice, let’s go, nanodayo.”

“Haii!” Takao said, turning around to face his team partner with a smile.

Once he turned around, Midorima’s eyes slightly widened; it turned out Takao had been talking to you. When your eyes met his, he felt a lump in his throat, and his heart slightly beating faster.

“Have fun and play hard, Kazu,” you said with a smile, completely breaking eye contact with your former crush to face the point guard. “And don’t do anything stupid-”

“I won't,” he chuckled, as he walked away, grabbing the shooting guard by the arm and leading him to the court.

For some reason, when you walked away without acknowledging him, it hurt...not that he would ever tell anyone about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Few hours later

“Man, practice was tough,” Takao groaned, as he left the locker room with Midorima stretching his arms over his head.

“It wasn’t that bad, nanodayo,” he replied. “Otsubo’s were a bit harder.”

“Yea, but keep in mind, Yuja-senpai is Miyaji-senpai’s younger brother; so he most likely told his brother to make our training hell, since we’re the aces of our team!”

Midorima couldn’t help but slightly smile. “Guess that’s true,” he said as he looked down at the shorter male.He did however, find it strange that Takao hasn’t brought up going out to eat somewhere like he usually does.

Then again, these past few months....they haven’t really hung out much; despite how much detest Midorima shows against Takao, he still enjoyed his company-not that he’d ever tell him that.

Coming out of his thoughts, he saw Takao smiling as he looked down at his phone. “Are you looking at those BTS memes?” he asked, as he recalled how you had introduced both of them to that popular K-Pop band a year ago; you ended up turning Takao into a member of their fanbase.

“No, I save those for class,” he says as he starts to reply to a text with a huge goofy grin on his face.

“Takao,” Midorima said, his tone of voice a bit harsher, “I know you, and I know when you’re lying.”

“Fine,” Takao sighed, “It is BTS related, yet-” Takao paused, unsure of how to tell him the true meaning behind the text, since he didn’t want to hurt his friend’s feelings. “(N/N)-chan got BTS tickets, and she’s telling me about it.” His tone of voice changed into a slightly happier one.

“I see.” Midorima felt strange; he remembered the group chat that the three of you are in, and how whenever you were excited, you would text both of them, oftentimes, to the point where Takao got so riled up, that his phone would be blowing up with texts from the both of you (and it would even be at 3am when he’s trying to sleep).

“Yea, she’s really excited.”

Midorima heard the slight hesitation in Takao’s voice at his last statement. “What are you hiding, nanodayo?” he asked.

Sighing once again, the young point guard stopped and looked up at his friend. “You remember that day a few months ago, when we meet up with (F/N) at Maji Burger?”

Again, Midorima raised his eyebrow. Takao rarely calls you by your full first name; its usually a rendition of your name or just a weird nickname. “Of course I remember,” he said, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “What does she have to do with anything?”

“Well, we’re kinda...dating right now,” Takao said, rubbing the back of his head.

Midorima just stared at Takao, unsure of what to say, or how to feel. Should he feel happy? Sad? He was so confused and uncertain.

“Are you mad, Shin-chan?” Takao asked, bringing the male out of his thoughts.

“Why would I be mad? She and I were never dating-”

“I know, but, things have been awkward between you two and I don’t want that to get in the way of basketball-”

“It’s fine,” he said, trying his best to reassure the point guard, who just smiled in response. “So how long?”

“Just a little over a month,” he said, “That’s kinda why I haven’t asked to hang out as often as I used to. Hope you’re not mad.”

“Again, why would I be mad? If you’re happy with her, then why should it matter to me?”

Before Takao could respond, both males heard you shout his name. Turning to look around, they both saw you walking up to the two of them-mostly making eye contact with Takao the whole time. The moment you stood in front of them, you paused, as you made eye-contact with Midorima.

“Guess what, (N/N)-chan!” Takao started, trying to break the awkward tension between you and the shooting guard, “Shin-chan isn’t mad that we’re dating!”

You turned your head to look up at him, and turned your head back to face the green haired male. “Seriously?”

“Yea!”

“Oh thank god,” you said, letting out a sigh of relief, confusing both males in front of you.

“I don’t understand, I thought you hated me, not that I cared or anything,” Midorima said.

“Don’t get me wrong, I did hate you,” you started, “And I still kinda do, but then I realized that if you hadn’t shot me down, then I would’ve never ended up with Takao.”

“...Then why not tell me, not that I would care, nanodayo?”

“Because things were already awkward between us, soI begged Takao not to tell you because I didn’t want your partnership on the court to suffer.”

“We wouldn’t have suffered, nanodayo. I don’t know about him, but I know how to separate personal life outside of basketball life.”

“Rude-”

“He’s not wrong, Kazu,” you said, agreeing with the green haired male, “While I love talking basketball with you, it does get annoying after a while.”

“Why are you ganging up on me,” he pouted.

Giggling, you leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, instantly cheering him up.

While Takao might’ve cheered up from that simple action, Midorima couldn’t help but feel jealous. He shouldn’t be jealous at all, yet here he was. Why would a simple kiss on the cheek make him like this?

“Anyway, would you guys like to grab something to eat?” you suggested, startling both males.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Takao asked, afraid that if the three of you hung out, you would just end up falling for Midorima again.

With a mile you nodded, “Yes, I’m sure. Besides, I want to here what’s been happening in the life of one of my good friends.”

“But I tell you-”

“I want to hear if from, him, Kazu.” You turned to look at Midorima, “That’s alright with you, right?”

“Don’t care,” he replied, only to have his stomach growl. “....Fine.”

The three of you took off, Takao’s arm around your waist, towards Maji’s. During that walk, Midorima couldn’t help but ponder on the words that you had said earlier, in regards to him.

One of my good friends.

Hearing those words, even thinking about those words, made his heart sink; he felt his chest tighten.

Was this how you felt when he turned you down? Broken and upset.

Midorima took out his lucky item, which happened to be half a heart of a best friend keychain that his sister has. While the real symbolism is that when the hearts were conjoined, it would spell out “best friends”, in this situation, he felt that it was the opposite;his best friend (whom he would never admit to him in person) dating the girl that he shot down would end up making him regret it, and breaking his heart.

Oha Asa is messed up at times.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Akashi

“It’s been really quiet lately hasn’t?” Mibuchi asked, as he, Akashi, Hayama and Nebuya were walking towards the locker room.

“How so, Reo-nee?”

“In what way, Mibuchi-senpai?” Akashi said.

“At practice,” he replied, taking off his shirt and tossing it into his bag. “Usually there’s so much laughter and joy in the gym when (N/N)-chan was there.”

“Agreed; even though she wasn’t our manager, she made probably the best food I’ve ever had!” Nebuya exclaimed, a bit too loudly,

“That is true,” Hayama said, letting out a sigh as he thought about the food. “She was always there for our team.”

Mibuchi let out a soft gasp as he came to a realization. “She stopped coming after she invited you to Starbucks that one day,” he said.

“You went on a date?!” Hayama asked excitedly, “With (F/N)-chan?! So lucky!!”

“It wasn’t a date,” he said, immediately calming the snaggletooth male down, “She wanted to tell me something one on one, that's all it was; just two people getting coffee.” Akashi was really hoping that they would drop the subject of you, but of course, like the nosey seniors that they were, kept pestering him about it.

“Start from the beginning,” Reo said sitting on the bench, “What happened when you entered the place?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Akashi said, starting to get annoyed. “What goes on in my personal life doesn’t concer-”

“If it’s anything with (F/N)-chan, then it concerns all of us.”

“Especially since she was our unofficial manager,” Nebuya said, as his stomach growled.

“I said no.”

“Come on Akashi!” Hayama whined, as he rested his arm on Akashi’s shoulder, “You were so cold to us last year; this would be the least you could do for us.”

“No,” Akashi said more sternly, “And get off.” He could feel the anger starting to build up inside him.

“Then just tell me,” Reo said, “You know I won’t-”

“She fucking confessed that she loved me okay?!” Akashi snapped, startling everyone in the locker room; from the pestering, to the fact how angry he was at himself for probably being the reason why you stopped coming around, it was all too much.

The three Uncrowned Kings just stared at their captain.

“She loves you?” Reo said, breaking the silence in the room.

“Did you just curse!?”

“She does-or at least she did,” Akashi sighed. “ I turned her down.”

“Why would you do that?!” Reo exclaimed in shock and disgust, “You have no idea how lucky you would’ve been to date her!”

“I just never thought of her as a girlfriend, just a good friend. Besides, my father wouldn’t allow our relationship if he knew.”

“...Seriously, is anyone going to acknowledge that Akashi just cursed?!” Hayama reiterated, only to be ignored again.

“Screw what your father wants!” Reo said, snapping at the redhead, once again startling everyone in the room. “He doesn’t know anything about love. He pushes you to the point to be perfect at everything! That is not love!”

“Parental love and relationship love are completely different, Mibuchi-san.”

“Love is love, Sei-chan.”

“Then tell me,” Akashi growled, slightly more annoyed as he walked towards his senior, “If you know so damn much about ‘love’ like you say you do, then how do you know when it’s love? Hmm?”

Reo turned, looking down at his captain. “Love is making a choice every day,” he started, “We make the choice whether to love or not. Loving someone is an action; you have to choose to put your needs aside for their own. Sometimes it’ll be easy, and other times it’ll be hard. You made the action of becoming good friends with her-you chose to open up around her; no one forced you to do that.” Mibuchi placed a hand on Akashi’s shoulder, “So how do you know when it’s love? That’s the wrong question to ask, Sei-chan. You should be asking if you choose to love someone. If you find you do chose to love them, then good for you, if not, then it's your loss.”

Everyone was once again shocked, which seemed to be a common trend in the room. No one would have expected the flamboyant, shooting guard to be serious, and give actual useful advice.

“Adding to that,” Nebuya said, finally speaking up, “Another way, in addition to....whatever he just said, to know, is if you miss the person when you’re apart.”

“That too,” Reo said, nodding in agreement.

“You three should focus on studies and basketball, rather than focusing on what ‘love’ is,” Akashi said, grabbing his bag and leaving the room, really not wanting to deal with the peer pressure, “Rest up and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The door slammed shut and Reo let out a sigh, “He might’ve changed from last year, but he’s still stubborn as ever.” Reo turned to look at the snaggletoothed male, who was quiet the whole time. “What do you have to say about this?”

“Hmm?” Hayama asked, “Sorry Reo-nee, but I was still in shock that Akashi cursed, that I kinda zoned out.”

Reaching into his locker, he grabbed a notebook and whacked him over the head with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Needing fresh air after what happened, Akashi decided to tell his driver to not pick him up. That whole conversation he had was pointless-yet he felt that he was the one at fault, since he was the one who snapped at their pestering. He’s Akashi Seijuro, he’s known to not let things get to him.....yet the topic of you...something about it got under his skin.

THe words of his seniors played through his head, as he couldn’t help but actually, consider the advice.

Loving someone is an action. You chose to be friends with her.

MIbuchi was right about one thing, he did choose to be friends with you, and he chose to just be friends with you. Akashi has never really had a true friend outside of the Kiseki no Sedai, so your friendship was indeed new to him (and apparently, he came to the realization that friendships with a female is completely different from ones with males).

He will admit that without you around, things have been different, and he has been more lonely; for once, basketball wasn’t enough for him. He wasn't sure why your absence from his life was affecting him this much; last year when he was...different, he grew used to it. Yet again, you were still there for him, even though he pushed you away.

He couldn’t help but remember the day he rejected you. Since he was the heir to one of the biggest companies in Japan, people would confess their love for him, all the time, just because he was rich; so he was never sure when a confession would’ve been an honest one.

Once again, Reo’s words echoed through his mind as he continued to think about it; you had chosen to be friends with him, you chose to still be friends with him through last year. You had chosen to fall in love with him.

So her love was actually genuine, he thought, as he let out a sigh, I fucked up big time. And that was when he realized the harsh truth; I do love her.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw the familiar shade of your hair, sitting on a park bench as you were looking at your phone; to him, it looked like you were expecting a text message.

Gathering up his courage (which he didn’t know that he had lost), he walked over to approach you, to apologize. “Hello, (F/N),” he said, grabbing your attention as you looked up from your phone.

“Hello Akashi,” you replied. You saw that he had his sports bag over his shoulder, and was surprised that he was actually walking home instead of driving. “I take it you’re walking home today?” You didn’t like the silence that was between you two.

“Indeed. It is a nice day so I figured I’d walk home to enjoy the weather,” he lied, since he didn’t want you to know that he was actually walking to clear his mind of his thoughts about you. “Would you mind if I sat with you?”

You shrugged your shoulders in confirmation and with a small smile, he say next to you, making sure that there was a reasonable amount of distance between the two of you.

“I know you, Akashi,” you say, breaking the silence that was between you two, “What’s the real reason why you’re walking home?”

He inwardly chuckled; he knew there was a reason he was attracted to you, you were observant, which not a lot of people are. Yet, being put on the spot like this, made him nervous, and he never gets nervous. Was this how you felt when he rejected you?

“Guess you really do know me,” he chuckled, “I was hoping to talk to you.”

You purse your lips together; already getting an idea to where this was going to go-but it’s Akashi, so who knows what it could be. “About what?”

“I want to apologize, for what I did months ago,” he said, slightly being taken back as he saw you flinch a bit. “I’m sorry for how I rejected you, and I’ve been thinking that you would like to know the reason why.”

“But why now?” you ask, looking at him confused.

“Because I’m stupid and it took me awhile to realize the reason why I turned your confession down.” He paused to look at your reaction, to see whether or not he should continue; your expression didn’t change, so he decided to continue. “Because I wasn’t sure if your confession was genuine or not. I didn’t know if you were just confessing to me just because of who my father is, but I now realize that I was wrong. Love is a choice and you chose to love me, and I was stupid to turn it away. I’m sorry, and during that time, I realized that I actually do return your feelings. And I hope it's not too late for me to return your feelings. I never truly appreciated how much your friendship and companionship was to me, and I can’t go another day without you.”

You just stared at the male, trying to process what he said (and in partial shock that he had admitted that he was wrong). “I appreciate the apology Akashi, and I accept your apology. However, I have to apologize myself, for the romantic feelings I had for you are no longer apparent; I’ve moved on. But I will admit that I have missed spending time with you and being your friend.”

Akashi wasn’t surprised that your feelings had vanished, but he was surprised that, even after he hurt you, you wanted to still be friends with him.

Before he could respond, your phone went off, indicating that you had a text message. Looking at your phone, a smile appeared on your face, and you stood up. “My date’s here,” you say as you gather your things.

“Date?”

You nodded, “Yea, I’ve been seeing someone lately and things are looking serious,” you smiled. “You actually know him. He went to our school.”

Akashi froze, trying to analyze who it would be; it wouldn’t be Nebuya, and it was definitely not Reo. There’s a possibility that it could be Hayama, since he was unusually quiet after practice, but you had used the verb ‘went to’.

“I hope that doesn’t affect the fact that I would like to rekindle our friendship.”

Before he could verbally respond, a familiar figure had approached the two of you, stopping right next to you.

“Long time no see, Akashi,” the person said, with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Likewise, Mayuzumi-san,” he replied, putting on a smile.

“I hate to end our conversation here, but I will hopefully talk to you tomorrow, okay?” you said excitedly, “Because I would be happy to have my close friend back.”

Akashi flashed a sincere smile, “Of course,” he said, “I’d like that as well.”

Smiling, you grabbed Mayuzumi’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze (you knew how insecure he could be....even though he wasn’t aware that you knew). “That’s awesome!” you exclaimed with a smile, “I’ve missed hanging out with you and the other three. Ooh! Maybe the six of us could hang out one day!”

“It would have to be around both mine and Mayuzumi-san’s schedules,” Akashi said, “Plus, we have the WINter Cup coming around the corner too.”

“Mm, we’ll think of something-”

“As much as I like this mini reunion, we have to get going; the library will close in about an hour,” Mayuzumi said, starting to get uncomfortable with how casual you were with Akashi-since yesterday you couldn’t help but rant about him.

“See ya tomorrow Sei-chan!” you say, as you walk away with Mayuzumi.

Once out of sight, Akashi ran a hand through his hair; he braced himself for rejection, but he never expected for you to already be dating someone-especially one of his seniors.

With pain in his heart, he began to walk away.

I guess the saying is true; you never really know how much you love a person, until they love someone else

I know you said short, but I kinda got carried away with Midorima, Akashi and Kuroko (by the time I got to Kagami, I got lazy; sorry)

Before the end, I just want to apologize, that this took a completely different turn (probably slightly??) I'm also sorry about the angsty ending for Akashi and Midorima (kinda not sorry, but also sorry) - it’s just that from most of the angst that I read about Akashi usually end up happy....so I wanted to change that.

HOWEVER

If you guys want to see a happy version of Akashi and Midorima, as well as the continuation of the Kagami and Kuroko scenarios, shoot me an ask, and I’ll write them; I will say...probably need 6 asks. (IF YOU ASK VIA ANON, ONLY ASK ONCE PLEASE!!! It’s hot fair to me if just one person sends in the request numerous times...since I do have other requests to write as well)

....OR, if this post gets 20+ notes, I’ll also write them.

Anyway, the ask box is still opened; but I think at the moment, I’ll just take UtaPri requests until the end of the week..and depending on the number I may or may not close the ask box...dunno yet...I got no sleep last night so i’ve been up for almost 24 hours.....so if I sound rude, or if this seems rushed, then I’m sorry.

Anyway, until next time!

~Orca

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heartlites · 2 years

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i want to write about some thoughts i’m having today after watching a video essay about the history of the new age movement and my own journey with my religious beliefs alongside that. i want to dissect the ethics of it, where it aligns with my own morals, and reflect on it.

while i mostly use twitter for all my casual stuff, tumblr is the better format for me to share my more expanded thoughts so i’m going to do that here

i think i want to start with looking into the history of tarot cards since i use them more frequently than any other occult / "new age" tool (i dont know how else to refer to it).

from what i understand, tarot originated in the 1400′s in france and italy with the playing cards as we know them (the four suits) with the addition of a fifth suit known as trumps or triumphs (link; using this article for other notes too- i have some mild concerns about the credibility of this site but for now i will be referencing it). the following paragraph is under the heading "tarot and kabbalah" which i want to dig into more since 'kabbalah' is a jewish principal / teaching and thus i want to examine the ties of tarot with kabbalah and the possible antisemitism/appropriation in that.

In 1781, a French Freemason (and former Protestant minister) named Antoine Court de Gebelin published a complex analysis of the Tarot, in which he revealed that the symbolism in the Tarot was in fact derived from the esoteric secrets of Egyptian priests. De Gebelin went on to explain that this ancient occult knowledge had been carried to Rome and revealed to the Catholic Church and the popes, who desperately wanted to keep this arcane knowledge secret. In his essay, the chapter on Tarot meanings explains the detailed symbolism of Tarot artwork and connects it to the legends of Isis, Osiris and other Egyptian gods.

obviously i find this concerning from the get go since, you know, this is a protestant claiming these things with no basis. the article does mention this too, and brings up another figure in the history of tarot developing from a parlor game to a tool for divination in occult.

In 1791, Jean-Baptiste Alliette, a French occultist, released the first Tarot deck designed specifically for divinatory purposes, rather than as a parlor game or entertainment. A few years earlier, he had responded to de Gebelin’s work with a treatise of his own, a book explaining how one could use the Tarot for divination.

my first question when i was thinking about tarot was who exactly did the tarot originate with? and by that i was wondering if it originated with the romani. from my understanding tarot as it is practiced in modern day by many pagans and wiccans did in many ways but not... completely? i found this reddit thread about it wherein someone is positing these questions, a romani person says that tarot is a closed tradition, but a jewish person also states that they're uncomfortable being accused of cultural appropriation since the modern idea/"mainstream" way tarot is used today is also rooted in the kabbalah which is jewish in practice and nature. the first article i linked mentions this only slightly in that the imagery of the rider-waite is kabbalistic symbolism.

the video that got me thinking about this question is by a youtube channel called "we're in hell" (video link). in the comment section there is this written by an account called ausernamegoeshere which expands upon what kabbalah is:

I think that it is important when discussing a topic like this where Kabbalah keeps coming up that it be acknowledged that the Kabbalah that is mentioned here is not actually Kabbalah. Rather it is a form of Kabbalah that has been culturally appropriated from Judaism, Jewish culture, and the Jewish people. Kabbalah is a form of Torah learning that has an extremely deep and intense nature and focuses on meditation, and reality, the theoretical, and "Olam Hazeh" This World and the spiritual realm, the soul, and “Olam Haba” The World To Come. It is understood because of the complex nature of concepts studied in Kabbalah that the person studying it can become mentally unstable, as it is discussed and documented in Jewish history of people “losing their minds” when studying Kabbalah. This is why for as long as Kabbalah has existed so has the requirements to study it. There are three requirements to study Kabbalah and they 1) the person must be Jewish 2) the person must be 40 years of age or older 3) the person must be very learned in Torah. All three requirements have to be fulfilled in order to study Kabbalah. Like I said, I think all of this is important to acknowledge or mention when you have a topic where Kabbalah keeps coming up.

i don't know the validity to any of this, though. i don't know any jewish scholars i could refer to at the moment about it. for now, i will be operating under the function that this information is true. if so, then tarot seems to be both interconnected with the romani and jewish people. additionally, if the above is also true, then the imagery of the rider-waite deck alone is, i guess, a bastardization of the jewish kabbalah practice.

arthur waite was not jewish. the artist of the rider-waite deck was pamela colman smith and through the article on learnreligions, i found one about her here. according to this article, she was a biracial jamacian-american woman. here is another article about her, but not a lot is known about her considering even her name is omitted from the title of the deck. according to the second article linked in this paragraph, she was the first to illustrate more complex images for all the minor suits of the tarot deck and also attributed her own ideas for the meanings which- in my opinion- gives a slight degree of separation. however, the reddit thread itself and some other questions expressed elsewhere- as well as within myself- is if cartomancy in any form is cultural appropriation.

while also searching, i found this article by a site 'occultivated' discussing how they would stop using tarot cards and transition to oracle decks because of its ties to the cultural appropriation to the romani. i'm listing this article mostly as a real world example of this exact question i'm asking myself currently.

in the reddit thread i linked the asker is positing similar questions that i am asking myself, and also notes that there's not a whole lot of readily available or accessible information about this online. i don't know any romani people i can speak to about it. the asker says in part of their post:

Being that their religious practices are closed and that power dynamics exist, there are Romani who have stated that (a) nonRomani should not practice Tarot, (b) that nonRomani people may practice tarot but should avoid spreads / a certain way of read that hold great religious meaning to Romani (most of which nonRomani likely not exposed to), (c) that the power dynamic matters, so while it’s still technically appropriation for nonwhite nonRomani to read Tarot, they are comfortable giving that other groups have been oppressed in a way as to have their spiritual practices taken away from them.

a romani person in the reddit threads says they believe it is cultural appropriation and suggests the use of oracle cards. however, there are some romani who believe cartomancy in any form is cultural appropriation. with this in mind, i still feel a moral quandary about it.

given the imagery of the well-known rider-waite deck is intertwined with jewish symbolism and the kabbalah, but it was also created by a jamacian-american woman who also wove her own thoughts and meanings into some cards, is the deck evolved enough on its own to stand separate from these cultural traditions? probably not, but it bares to think about all of that together. there's a lot of cultural things coming together in the creation of the rider-waite deck and this deck laid a lot of foundational work for how tarot is practiced among pagans and wiccans today.

how divorced is it from the romani practices? how divorced is it from jewish symbolism and faith? i don't know. im not jewish or romani, so i dont think i can answer. my quandary still remains because there seems to be no big, i suppose, consensus or larger agreement/understanding of what the answer could be- or if there is one, i am not aware of it/havent found it/havent heard it.

i think it also bares worth considering, in this question im asking myself, how i function with it in my own practice. by no means am i deeply experienced or anything. i've really only been working with my tarot deck for, id guess, eight or so months? i didnt really have any guide i followed in particular, either.

my first deck was one i bought spur of the moment before i even began more deeply exploring being a pagan. it's a relatively good deck and i feel it communicates well with me. i got my own copy of a rider-waite deck this past summer. sometime in july i think? or june. anyway. i like it a lot as well, ive done two readings with it and it communicated fantastically with me.

i dont use either of my decks, nor would i in general, use them to tell the future or anything like that. i use them when i feel i need guidance, really. things like- what should i ask myself in this moment, in what ways can i grow, i use them when i am seeking to communicate with the Goddess i work with, Isis. when i need to let go or be patient, etc. they've been a great tool for me in my personal reflection and finding a more fulfilled sense of self. they're also, honestly, the only tool i have at my disposal to communicate with Isis at length considering i am kinda just... winging all this. if She has sent me signs in other ways then admittedly it is because i am too inexperienced to notice them, but with my tarot decks i can ask a question and get an answer in a way thats easier for me to comprehend/understand.

am i willing to give this up, or to look for other options? am i willing to try an oracle deck? is it ethical for me to try an oracle deck let alone continue using my current two tarot decks?

i dont know. im trying to figure that out, i guess. even after writing all of this im not sure.

even now im finding myself wanting to meditate and ask Isis for guidance on the matter- but i only have one way to do that where i know how to interpret the signs.

a new addition: i looked more into the reddit thread ive link, and another post further in one of the comment sections linked to a website that dissected the history of tarot fairly well, i think. the site is currently unavailable, but using the waybackmachine i was able to recover its information here.

the article discusses how tarot as we know it came to be. the first playing cards originated from korea and china in 900AD and were introduced to many islamic societies through the silk road, and from there- specifically, through egypt, the first playing cards came to europe in the form of the mamluk deck.

the article makes a fantastic point, i think, which is "Claiming then that tarot is a closed practice or its use is an instance of cultural appropriation denies the true history of the cards and plays into the same eroticist fiction that the likes of de Gebelin and Etteilla were peddling over two-hundred years ago."

the article goes even further, and talks about how tarot inevitably did become so intertwined with the romani culture. im going to copy paste large parts of this article here onto my blog because i really do appreciate how well its articulated and how well it answers my questions

“There are a lot of stereotypes about us being magical and fortune tellers but this all comes from when we weren’t allowed to take regular jobs. So a lot of Romani women told fortunes to provide for their families” explains Romani activist Juni (@romaniuprising). “Because of this, practices such as palmistry and Tarot reading have become a part of our culture because for so long it was the only way for us to provide for ourselves”. Regina, an activist who works to preserve Roma culture (@roma.culture) echoed Juni’s words. “Factually, Tarot reading doesn’t have Roma origins” she begins. “But it does hold a special place in our culture… it’s fascinating to think how some of these practices like fortune telling, palmistry, and Tarot reading still exist today and how the women in our community continue to teach these to their daughters and nieces”. Regardless of its origins and whether by choice or not, tarot has clearly over the years become one of many important Dukkering (Romani fortune-telling) tools for the Romani people that holds significance for many as part of a varied and complex culture. But Juni points out that this doesn’t mean tarot as a tool or tarot reading as a practice is perceived to be ‘closed’ to people outside of Romani culture. “All we want is recognition that it’s a part of our culture”.

it also discusses how the intertwining of jewish imagery and symbolism! i really deeply appreciate how this article not only goes into the history of how tarot came to be, but also encourages the readers of the article to still learn and be considerate to how tarot developed and the cultures that did become intertwined with it (the romani and the jewish). the article also discusses appropriation in the current day among pagan/witch/wiccan circles, specifically the appropriation of native and indigenous peoples (in this case they list some tarot decks that do this since the article is about tarot). im adding the source list as well from the article in case i want to further look into any of these own books for my own research/learning.

It is also important to understand the significance of the symbols used in tarot decks. Zo (@jewitches) is a hereditary Jewish witch who works to educate people about Judaism and highlight appropriation of Jewish culture. “Jewish religious practices, culture, and beliefs are frequently bastardized by the occult community, in new and improved ways even in the modern-day” she explains. “In an effort to make tarot seem like it had an ancient, mystical background, white occultists cherry picked from Jewish culture to legitimize their practice with the cards”.

Zo outlined how this manifests itself in tarot specifically. “Jewish symbolism, even as badly appropriated as it is, causes real harm to Jewish communities and people. The basic misunderstandings of Judaism on a theological and cultural basis, paired with the presence of sacred Jewish symbols like the Priestly Blessing on the Devil card or the ineffable name of G-d [many Jewish people refer to the Jewish deity as G-d as it’s considered disrespectful to write the name down somewhere it could be destroyed] on the Wheel of Fortune, inextricably links Judaism to a divination system that originated outside of our culture. This leads to aggressive anti-Semitism that mirrors that of the medieval age with ideas like, ‘Jews are devils, Jews are evil, Jews are nefarious sorcerers, and Jews run the world’". Appropriated Jewish imagery is so enmeshed in many classic tarot decks, including Rider-Waite-Smith (the first deck created exclusively for divination and the most popular tarot deck in existence), that Zo contends it’s impossible to extricate. “The best we can do is ask that occultists educate themselves on Judaism, the differences between true Kabbalah and appropriated variations, and how anti-Semitism flourishes in their communities”.

Sources This article is only a short introduction to this complex and vast topic. Here are some books I would recommend you engage with too. I don’t endorse the views of all of them but they offer multiple perspectives on Tarot that have all been impactful on discourse. A Cultural History of Tarot by Helen Farley Mystical Origins of the Tarot by Paul Huson A History of the Occult Tarot by Michael Dummett and Ronald Decker The Esoteric Tarot by Ronald Decker Holistic Tarot by Benebell Wen Cartomancy in Bologna by Michael Dummett (published in volume 32 of The Playing Card) Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom by Rachel Pollack

with all this new information now in mind, i think i do feel much more- i suppose- resolved in my quandaries. i think my best coarse of action is probably to go back to only using my original deck and not using my rider-waite deck. i do want to get another deck cause while i like my second one a lot, i feel it often gives me more complex answers that i am just not skilled enough to read yet. it can be quite hard for me to decipher at times. i think what i'll do is look into getting another deck and also research its artists/creators and the imagery in order to be as considerate as possible in my practice.

#lots and lots of thoughts and also lots of articles / sources / links lol

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i-dont-have-a-melody · 6 years

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Tagged by @spazzikat

Rules: answer these questions then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better

Nickname: none unfortunately

Zodiac: taurus also unfortunately lol it is my least favorite zodiac even tho I don't believe in it

Height: 5'3

Time: 6:30 pm

Favorite band/artist: Elevation Worship, The Walls Group, and Hillsong Young & Free

Song stuck in my head: Trust by Hillsong Young & Free

Last movie I saw: Barely Lethal

Last thing I googled: 'sweetfrog' bc I was looking for frozen yogurt places

Other blogs: I have 2 others @myduuuuuuude which was my first blog but I stopped using it bc I wanted to focus on God more so I made this blog. My other blog is @also-dont-have-a-melody where I reblog anything that isn't related to Christianity/positivity

Do I get asks: rarely but I don't mind

Why did I choose this username: There's this video called 'One girl 14 genres' where this girl sings different song genres. When she did a genre called hipster indie she sang "I don't even have a melody but it's okay cuz it's hipster" and that line has always been stuck in my head. So when I was trying to come up with a username, that was all I could think about lol. Obviously I had to shorten it tho and voila

Following: I follow 122 people so far

Average amount of sleep: 7 or 8 I think but honestly it varies

Lucky number: Idk but my favorite number is 9

What am I wearing: a worn out ugly dress that I only wear at home

Dream job: a nutritionist tbh bc I'm super interested in nutrition

Dream trip: I'd like to go to France again and maybe even visit Israel. I'd also like to visit a cool waterpark it doesn't really matter where it is

Favorite food: crispy chicken sandwiches

Play any instruments: I think I remember how to play hot cross buns on the recorder but that's about it lol

Eye color: dark brown

Hair color: even darker brown

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: uh...

Languages I speak: English but I really want to learn French

Most iconic song: to me it's the majority of songs by One Direction bc I used to be a directioner

Random fact: when I was younger I made up scenarios about numbers to help me with addition (for example I made up one where 5 was jealous that 9 and 4 could make 13 so she [yes I gave them genders too] asks 8 to help her make 13) they still help me today

I Tag Everyone Who See This

#do this and tag me in it so i can read them #if you want of course #idek if anyone is gonna see this #tagging game #my post

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stan-and-the-newbie · 6 years

Text

A kpop newbie’s reaction to LOONA

you know i had to do it to ‘em

Alexa: bold

Alex: italic

okay so today you're reacting to Loona!

o, noice

they just debuted like two days ago and everyone is crying

damn. ok but do any of them speak english <<

y es

n u t

i believe i already told you, they built this Loonaverse, and released a girl each month

yeh, you told me a few things

right. all of them have an animal and a color. the first five girls have an additional location, then the next three girls have a superpower, and the last four girls have a fruit

...alexa. t-twelve

yeah

<-<

>->

alright fam hit me up

okay, the first girl that was released, back in 2016, is heejin

damn she looks like a disney princess

she does;;

this is aN INSULT

isnT IT

someone arrest her, she's not allowed to be so cute. it is illegal.

how old is she and what does she do

uhh she's 21and she's a singer

she iS BORN IN 2000

... ALEXA WE'RE MOVING TO KOREA PACK YOUR SHIT

ill give you her music video now

alright

the location is hard to guess, so just try to guess her color and animal

hmm

*ViViD*

i'm not watching this u freak, you know about my arachnophobia

y tho. there are no spiders

THERE IS ONE IN THE THUMBNAIL, BIG AND RED

there are no spiders, so play the song, its good. no girl has the spider as her animal u coward

the song's aight. i'd listen to it in a cafe. her animal is obviously a bunny and her color is either red or white. asian girls with thick thighs are too powerful alexa. someone needs to do something about them. it's a health hazard.

omf. her color is actually hot pink;; but u got her animal right lol

o damn. well pink is the mix between red and white isn't it >>

ooOOO

pFFF

she's part of the first subunit, 1/3

ah, so she's a colonel

omG. i mean, y'know, subunits are some of the members that form like a band of their own and put out music

with 12 bloody members, i can imagine

loona has three. anyway, a few things about heejin

hit me

she’s a whole cutie

o gee i couldn't notice

sdfdsdf she likes dad jokes and randomly breaks into silly and awkward dances but she doesn't care. she's also afraid of pigeons

the guards would have to restrain me from pinching her cheeks if i was ever in the same room with her. and to be fair those things are chaotic evil. one literally flew into my face once.

omf

they also carry diseases similarly to rats. except they fly. so yeah, i can see why one would be afraid.

she also named a rabbit from the set "heekki". hee from her name, and kki from the korean word for rabbit, tokki. and proceeded to ask if she could adopt it.

that's adorable go away i am stone cold

is there anything else u want to know about her. her location is paris, and the first ever video of her beside her mv was her repeating random french phrases she knew in the airport

pfffF.

the next member is hyunjin

they’re all so pretty i cry

they are :(

they are like porcelain dolls, but without the creepiness of a doll, just the beauty and cuteness

i KNOW. so, how old is she

hmm 20 and she's a rapper

she is ALSO born in 2000 ;D and she's a singer

here's her music video

after mark's video on that cat game, the thumbnail horrifies me

o-oh

alight so her animal is a kitteh. so she's the neko of the group, noice... is this a thriller film, geez.

ghjkjhghjk its just a kitten smh

an e v i l kitten

cats cant be evil. her song is very kdrama-ish

her color is... i honestly have no idea

her color appears in the first third of the video

green? blue?

she wears it

lemon

yeh, yellow. and yes her animal is cat lol. what about the song? it’s a drastic change from the last one

ok that last part horrified me. idk it's a weird mix between depression and a drug trip

so, about this baby. her location is tokyo, and she is the savage one

o-oh

shes the one that kept a blank face on a rollercoaster while the others were screaming. also, she really likes bread and croissants

and she's not a rapper smh. well, she does have a pretty voice.

she does~ and shes really sporty, practiced a lot of sports before becoming an idol

alright, off to my wife. this is haseul.

and no photo makes her justice

UGH queen

that jawline fam

i’m sorry i just. literally have never seen such a beautiful woman

alright by now i'm about 70% convinced that these people are created in underground governmental labs

m e. aight, how old is she

fucc it, she's uhh 18

she's actually born in 1997 dfgfdsdfgh

OF COURSE. sigh. that's just my luck

but i understand u

they all look between 15 and 20 anyway does it really matter- i- she's more pretty than she is cute. respecc.

this is her music video

her color is bleagh. i mean bleuugh. blue

omf

she's a parappa the rapper. but she's also a singer. idk her voice sounds like she can rap. was that plane just there and they used it or did they buy a gigantic plane prop for the video

(i really hoped alex would say this because this video exists)

she’S TRYING. her color is green but her location is iceland so liek,,, i guess the writers clashed ideas

blasphemy. they should have went for turquoise

her animal is a dove. she’s also the leader of the group, and the mom friend #1. she can speak english but she has a cute accent which i Love

awh

aaaand she’s a seal enthusiast

o. that's something

they went to iceland so she was like "omg a seal!!! hi !! that was a seal!!"

pffa whole cutie

she is :( she’s also really funny

anyway, the next one makes me feel worthless. this is yeojin

another flawless creation of the secret korean labs

her age?

that tissue-printing chamber in that korean lab from avengers 2? not fiction - they use it to create idols. uhh 19

:D she is 15!!!1

...

and turns 16 in november !!

Goodbye. Tty later, i gotta pack my stuff

dfgfdGHJH here is her song. its very cute because, well, shes a child

L O L I C O N A L E R T. those three dudes are terrifying. is that the joker wearing a frog head

mmmmaybeh

this is weird lmfao. aaand there's the foot fetish

you’RE HORRIBLE

why is the frog dude going all roaring reeo on her only to give her a fucking present

well, its a song about how she doesn’t want the relationship to move too fast, so she doesn’t want to kiss the dude just yet

that ending was just... idk man. this one broke me. her color is red, and her animal is a frog because that's the only animal in the foreground here idfk

her color is orange, close enough. the other members call her "bean" because shes the youngest and rlly smol and chubby.

awh ;;

and everyone treats her like a baby lmao

well, what did u expect. hmm i think i like the first one the best so far

o, alright

so, these past four girls and the fifth one form the subunit 1/3. the fifth one was introduced through the subunit's first song, but i'll give u their second song cuz its Better

*check out “Sonatine it’s superior*

basically, these girls have a very dreamy concept with a lot of piano and strings. the fifth girl is the pink haired one, and baby yeojin isn’t here cuz her grades were dropping lmao

shhhh just listen to the song

this song gives me the sad

u gotta appreciate the animu songs

i do, i was literally gonna say that this one somewhat reminds me of miia's second song

same !!

her color is W H I T E like my teeth. p u r e w h i t e

she haS HER OWN mv

the fifth member is vivi

shes chinese and the oldest

from communism to idolization. noice

so she's wot, 21? 22?

yeh, shes turning 22 this year

noice

here’s her song

a break from the animu songs. ps: they dont come back

sad. kinda stalkerish fam

ikr. shes a hooman here. but in the subunit mvs she’s an android

what

idk fam they go all out and no one knows whats happening

i am gonna get bashed for this but when she smiles her cheeks look kinda weird she kinda looks like a chipmunk? but not in a bad way

ghjkHJ she does;; shes cute though

yeah

her color is her haircolor lawl. pastel rose

o, nice

and her animal is deer

so she's basically bambi gotcha

she speaks english, and shes the reaction memes queen. and shes also very smol

awh ;;

alright, we're done with 1/3. is heejin still your favourite?

yepp

cuz we're entering girl crush land

o h

the sixth member is kim lip

LISTEN YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS

she’s cute tho

of course she is. they're all cute perfect goddesses. i'm noticing a pATTERN HERE

hey, shes mostly a tsundere

well, ngl, she looks like one

sdfgfds

she chose charmander tho 10/10

here’s her amazing mv. her animal appears for 1 second here so lmao good luck. her color is very obvious

white, at long last

the other one

FUCK

SDFGFDSD

red?

yes

that building is aesthetic would hang out there with my weird friends 10/10. the song is odd, but it's nice

i think the song really suits her voice

it does! that's why it works

her animal is an owl

n o i c e

also in one of her vlogs all she does is talk about food. she also keeps the members company while theyre shooting their mvs!! and shes also a reaction meme queen. she sings, but her main strength is dancing

yeah, i can tell

oh right !! she is in the odd eye circle subunit, and these girls have super powers. imma tell you now, the odd eye circle members are in different planes. like, theyre in different dimensions, not the flying planes lol

umm alright..?

anyway, her super power is speed. aaaand i think thats it with kim lip

the next one is a fan favourite. jinsoul

oof. idk man the blond is weird

oh, is it. i dunno, i feel like it suits her.

hammers in that "created in an underground lab to be flawless" vibe. idk, maybe a darker shade? like a golden blonde?

most people choose her song as their favourite

singing in the rain? is tom holland gonna come in and dance to "umbrella"?

oh my god

if not i'll be disappointed. the song reminds me of minecraft intros lmao. especially that synth part

geT OUT LMAO

the dancing is lewd af tho. so 8/10

well, so was eclipse. girl crush land

is she a necromancer? because those hips kill me and bring me back to life

i knOW. she can sing, rap and dance. triple threat. okay you cant possibly be wrong about her color and animal

uhh blue and fish. idk wot fish but a fish

y e s. its a blue betta fish. she said, and i quote "the blue betta fish is one that needs to be kept alone, because it eats the other fish in her tank. so i'm going to take over the group like that"

i- IS THE ENTIRE SECOND SUBUNIT SASSY

SDFGHGFDSSDFGH shes very oblivious and confused also idk if i should show you this but its hella funny and falls into the dumb blonde stereotype. she acts cute in a live stream and then she just

*that beautiful face plant video*

and at the enD KIM LIP IS LIKE "yes. whats next?" and looks through the comments

i-is she ok

yeah, she just stays there like ten seconds and then lifts her head while laughing. her superpower is teleportation btw. anyway, shes just very oblivious and awkward

nice man

the next member is choerry

oof, she qt. her color is purple.

yes. she doesnt like cherries btw

of course. why doesn't she like them? they're gud ;; maybe they remind her of all the bad puns she must have had to endure

i- most likely tbh. she prefers her actual name too sdfgfdsasdf. but choerry is a play on her name. cho yerim.

ah, i see

here's her song that takes a very weird turn and supports further the girl crush concept lawl

i expect lewd dancing. wot’s her animal?

a bat

e d g y. they made her eat a cherry. the monsters

i know, the madmen

o, here comes the lewd dancing. oof, that was short, but it was cool. back to... this??

it happens more than once. hmm, its a really nice song tbh

yeah, it was pretty nice

shes the bright, positive one

and managed to feed a squirrel out of her hand, so shes a princess confirmed

o damn how tall is she. she looks pretty tall in this pic

oh my god all of them are so small i literally cannot cope

;-; pure babies

hmm i think this is old information but the tallest is 165 sdfsGHJKJHJ

o damn

it says here shes 160. p u r e. her super power is plane travelling, like, shes the only one who can meet both kim lip and jinsoul. thats why i told you about the dimension thing

..alright..? this seems pretty redundant, idk. the whole superpower thing and the different planes thing is just odd. what purpose do they serve

well, its basically a whole universe, i guess it ties to the whole story

there's a story? uhh

yeah, but we won't get into that too much. here's odd eye circle's debut song

oh, this song is... something. i could live without the weird distorted voice. fucc yes more lewd dancing. well, that was trippy.

anyway, the third subunit is called yyxy, and it has "fall from eden" as their concept

the first member from this subunit is yves, pronounced as eve but it gotta be fancy y'know

oo, noice. please for the love of god tell me her color is white

no one's color is white

well, it’s not a color ;D

ug h. anyway, here’s her song.

hecc yes more lewd dancing

omf

the song is.. odd. GET OUTTA HERE HER COLOR IS TOTALLY WHITE. EVERYTHING HERE I WHITE. SHE WEARS ALL WHITE.

:( her apple is burgundy

what. is that- is that her color

yeah

...i quit.

fgfdghjkghjGHJ

well, that was something

her name is eve, so people speculate the song and mv are about her living a normal life after falling from eden y'know. anyway, shes the mom friend #2

o, interesting pFF

she was very awkward at the beginning, when she first was introduced

awh ;;

and her animal is a swan

AND HER COLOR ISN'T WHITE GET OUTTA HERE

fgfdsdfg shes also pretty savage now that she isnt as shy, but she takes care of the members, since shes one of the older membersGHJKJHGHJK

wholesome

shes very cute i like her uwu

the next one is an actual animu waifu. her name is chuu

and she is the full of cuteness member

yeah i can teLL. the second image scraped my stone heart

yes, she softens everyone. here’s her mv, and the other girl is yves. and chuu is more or less in love with her. lesbian icon

alexa ur doing the thing, but reverse

SHES LITERALLY STALKING YVES AND GIVING HER AN APPLE AND THE SONG IS ABOUT ROMANTIC LOVE get outta here

ALL OF THESE BANDS ARE BASICALLY FAMILIES YALL SHIPPING THEM IS INCEST

ASDFGFDSDFGHJ but yves just shot a heart at her

it's a music video smh

hey, im not saying shes gay for yves in real life, just in, like, the universe theyre building

ah, i see. the choreography is gud. and the whole music video is nice. and the song is nice too. alright, what's her color

peach

do these people only know red and blue variations. THERE ARE OTHER COLORS OUT THERE

her animal is penguin, hence her posing with a penguin plushie in that photo

awh ;;

and her fruit is strawberry. she also sang a kids show ost before she became an idol :( and the other members make her act cute sometimes in front of the camera because everyone loves her. take dis

:'c

when she does the winking thing she stops and asks "why am i doing this..." and the others are just "because its cutE"

s-STONE COLD I AM S T O N E C O L D

anyway, yes, we all love chuu

we have two members left, keep your head in the game

i'm in it to win it

the second to last member is go won

speaking of winning, apparently she already did

she is a real life doll- oh my god alex

yet another qt what is new. cute dolls. cute talented dolls e v e r y w h e r e

i remember her song just because of the way she sings "baby" there

*check out “One&Only” yall*

ah, i see. some nice cinematography here. she has an interesting voice

shes mostly a rapper

yeah, i can picture that. that was a pretty nice song

her color is eden green :3

n o i c e

her animal is butterfly and her fruit is pineapple

but does she like it on pizza tho >> that is the question

she's kinda cold, but shes pretty oblivious, the staff messed with her saying that "adam" is her stage name (adam translates to "small" in korean) and she actually believed them and she didnt get the joke either affdsdfg

;-; god bless

shes pretty savage tho, we have three so far

oof

she is olivia hye

and she does not appreciate olive jokes

she's pretty 0^0

she is~

wot's her personality

shes very blunt and she seems like someone that might succeed at being a famous blogger

o damn

she always speaks her mind. i haven’t really seen her play around, but that doesn’t mean i don’t find her funny sdfgfsdfg

pff the mom friend

hmm, she doesnt really take care of the others, shes the second youngest

o rlly

but she does boast about how shes the only one without a fear of heights jasdfjks

pfff alright, hmu with her song

her song is my favourite

*”Egoist” ftw*

s m o o t h. yeah, this is a nice song

ikr !!

aaand more lewd dancing the world is kind to me today

they never give it up

wot's her color and animal

her color is gray, her animal is wolf and her fruit is plum

o damn

here’s their song~

this is hype af. this song is nice too but it has odd parts

i feel like the quality of their music increased with time. the first songs are also nice but you can tell these ones are better put together

well, it makes sense

it has been two years yes asdfdsdfg

o o f

here's a predebut song. the first ever with all of them, but not their debut the intro and the chorus are the best parts ngl

that's a lot of idols fam

eh, 12 isnt that rare. BRRRRRRRRRAH

where the esketit at. that was a pretty good predebut song, all things considered. they fit a bit of everything in there

yep, here’s their debut song

this one's trippy. ah, that's why it's called "hi high" they're saying hi to me, and i'm high after watching it. UOUOUOUAAAHH

I ONLY LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH MEANINGFUL LYRICS

HLBJLNKBJLNKBKLN

do you remember any of them as your favourite or did everything already vanish

i like chuu and the last one but i think the first is still my fave

oo alright, i see. any last thoughts?

well-managed for a 12 idol group, nice choreographies (& lots of lewd dancing >>), plenty of good songs, gud stuff overall, 10/10. 11/10 for the UOUOUOUOOAAAHHH

noicE

alexa here!! oof, this took so long to put together;; also if haseul sees this please marry me goddess ily

i hope you enjoy this post, even though its a little messy!! pop a little message in our ask box too, it’ll make our day~ i hope everyone has a nice day or evening!!

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guilt-and-shame · 3 years

Text

End day 25 of 60: I’m 20 days sober today. I wish you were proud of me, I have no one to share it with and I’m extremely sad today. I miss you so much! You took care of paying that bill for me today and I’m extremely grateful for you doing that so it wasn't late, thank you. I called Frank today to check in, he said a few of the guys at AA have been asking about me, thats comforting. I’ve been going to the gym almost every day, I’ve put a little weight on but I think its muscle because all of my pants are too big and I’m on a tighter belt hole and its loosening up now too. Since I went so long without eating I’ve been intermittent fasting 8/16 but I’m struggling with the galley food getting vegetables in. I need the super greens powder, I’m staying away from carbs so-so. I’m not drinking soda very much either. I try to eat fish and whatever vegetables they have and a salad. The dressing is the problem, they only have french, thousand island, blue cheese and ranch, so thats a struggle. I’m trying to make sustainable life changes for every part of my life so that when I get out of here I will not be the same person at all. Accepting God, sober, AA everyday for 90 days, eating healthy and excising. If you wouldn’t mind it, I’d like to meet up once or twice a week to workout, walk maybe run a little with you. I dont want any part of the old me existing anymore, I’m disgusted with myself and that me deserves to die. I have so much extra work and help that I’m getting, all of my work is 3 weeks ahead of schedule, so I asked for more. I had two one on ones today, I also have a one on one session Monday too. I think they found me a Catholic chaplain too so I’m waiting for them to get back to us. 10 of us went on an outing today to greenbrier mall, I imagined you being there and seeing you but I know hardly ever go to the mall, it was just a fantasy. I did something probably really stupid, I bought you something really expensive and fucked up the mortgage payment for next month, so now I have to recover from that. I’m impulse spending since you’ve been gone, I guess thats how I’m coping. But it’s something you have been wanting for a very long time and I just pulled the trigger. Tomorrow I’m going to call you to ask you to come visit me on Saturday so I can give it to you. It will be an addition to the gifts I already left for you for Christmas and your birthday, it’ll be a dual gift. I hope you agree to visit. You can stop at the Starbucks outside the gate and get us a couple coffees and we can go for a walk by the water and go to our secret smoking spot here. We can walk to the original hospital that was here from the Revolution too. We haven't seen each other in a month tomorrow, I just really want to see you. Even if we do divorce (which I hope on everything I am and everything I have that, that does not happen!) we still need to close some things out, we both will need some closure. But I want to hold onto a bit of hope that one day we will work it out, I dont want to lose you forever... I hope you agree to come see me, I want you to open your present in front of me and I want to show you some of my work I’ve done here, my counselor and my doctor both say I’m doing very extremely well. I’m so much more dedicated this time around, I have a lot more on the line and a lot more motivation. I did well last time but I missed some things, that will not happen this time. I’m ahead of schedule and I’m doing extra homework and I’m doing as many one on ones that I can get. I will be a different person when I leave here and I’m sure I’ll look different too. I have noticed that my eyes have cleared up, the darkness and the bags are gone. I wake up before my alarm everyday now too. I think I’m getting better sleep, the intermittent fasting, the gym and my spiritual growth has all contributed to that. I have one last part to do for my work and then I need to shower and get my bible reading and prayer done before bed. I hope you respond well to my call tomorrow night and I hope you agree to come visit me. I love you so so much baby doll! xoxo

0 notes

lokbobpop · 3 years

Text

Ensure

Ensure comes from the Old French en- "make" plus seur "sure," and that is exactly what it means today - "to make sure or certain, to guarantee." If you ensure success or someone's safety, you are guaranteeing it. Make sure you can really come through with something before you ensure it!

We define ensure as “to make sure, certain, or safe” and one sense of insure, “to make certain especially by taking necessary measures and precautions,” is quite similar. But insure has the additional meaning “to provide or obtain insurance on or for,” which is not shared by ensure.

Ensure in sure un sure en sure end sure

Writing the word ensure

I want to ensure most things happen like me i want to ensure myself all the time that im doing ok it all ok it’s all good

Reading ensure

To be safe to ensure the kids had there seatbelts on everything is safe but seeing i wasn’t always great about ensuring safely chris was so much better to ensure things were safe ive alway been that will do it will be ok i see that from my mum hog it will do it spent matter where chris would want to ensure all was better and ok and ive linked my up with ensure of that will do of my mums with my dads lazyness cant be bother and have created a lazy i cant be bother ed that will do and have failed ot see this what i have done with the two personalities im living them together the devil is in the detail for sure here lol

To ensure yourself all is ok i see i dont do this enough i should ensure myself more often like your doing good and check myself where i can do better and so on

To ensure a place in something like the girls in school to ensure they have a place at school now its to ensure they have careers good jobs for life that they can do i want to ensure they are ok well looked after in life so that can thrive expanded become themselves id like to ensure they walk there minds i hope they see this one day as thing to do and dont build anything else.

Saying ensure

When you try to ensure something but it doesnt word out i want to ensure i get something and it didnt work how i feel gutted i didnt do well enough to get something i fucked up see myself as not good enough and be disappointed in myself for not ensuring something properly

Nothing is for sure how can you ensure anything you just cant nothing is stable and 100% it pointless trying comes up

I didn’t ensure i was doing this properly redefining words ive done over 800 words wrong ive used to the word to define it where you don’t use the word to define it common sence says that and i feel i should of made better investigations to ensure there was no slip ups and i didnt i fucked up i feel pissed off i have to look at them all again.

Im going to ensure i do this properly comes up i can go back i can do it again i have the time its all good

Does this definition support me no i feel i cant ensure anything as nothing is for 100% ok and how can I ensure anything and then that i can ensure myself i will walk through my mind i will die this when have i ensure something will happen and it has many times and many time not so it about who i am when i what to ensure something in life who am i within ensure can i ensure yes i can to the best of my ability

Ensure be sure

Ensure

To support myself to do and be better for the best results

I will live this word with ensuring i do the best for me to ensure i support me in best i can for me my family and as many others i can help

0 notes

letsimportanttreecollection-blog · 6 years

Text

affordable auto insurance thomson ga

"affordable auto insurance thomson ga

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I was rear ended. Does my insurance go up if I contact them?

I have Mercury Insurance and someone hit me in the back at a stop light. I got all of there info, but I was wondering if we went through this with our insurance companies would my rates go up? thanks :D""

Cheaper car insurance ?

Which insurance companies out of the major ones have you found that are the cheapest for a 19 year old on their own policy?

Car insurance Policys?

Hi there people i need help with this badly i had car insurance on my car for the last 6 months but sadly i had a crash in my car and is no longer drivable, i rang up my insurance company 2 change the policy and there tellin me that if i want 2 insure with them i need 2 get my self a 4 grand car does that seem right??""

Is having a health insurance mandatory in California?

I am moving from Massachusetts to California at the end of this month. In Massachusetts its mandatory to have health insurance and if you don't have it you can get penalized on your taxes. Is it mandatory in California as well?

How much do you pay for auto insurance?

I am currently a 24 year old male and I think my car insurance company is not giving me the best deal. Who do you get insurance from, how much do you pay and if you do not mind me asking, how old are you and what car you drive. Also what factors determine how much my insurance payments will be?""

affordable auto insurance thomson ga

Can a landlord require me to carry renter's insurance?

I didn't hear about this until after I filled out a rental application. Evidently, I am required to have renter's insurance before I move in. In view of the fact that I have almost nothing of value, renter's insurance seems pointless to me, even if it is cheap. This has been more common in the last few years. Beginning about 10 years ago, landlords started this practice of requiring renter's insurance. IMHO, it's just a way of reducing the insurance costs for the landlord.""

Medical Insurance too expensive?

Currently I am paying $514.03, every WEEK to cover my family of four. Our employers do NOT cover a huge chunk of the costs. I am completely ignorant to this new Obamacare, but I am also starting to learn about it. The only thing I seen happen with Obamacare is yes my insurance got better and stronger (Open Network), but it also increased over $200 a week. I am not kidding it is about $2,064.00 a month. I can't afford to go to the Doctor and pay the Co-Pays because of my weekly payment!!!! It almost seems better for my husband to lose his job and we can collect welfare/medicaid! What is out there for us? Please don't tell me to shop around because I have and its very expensive. I can save $50 and some even increased over $100. Nothing in our medical history to cause expensive insurance either. What does Obamacare do for this situation? Who can I call to get some help?""

Will my insurance go up if i wrecked in a ice storm?

there was an extremely bad road conditions in my area on dec 15, and i hit a mailbox coming home, i was only going 15 MPH but the rear end of my car went out of control and hit a mailbox, will my insrance premium go up if i turn it into insurance? also will i get into any trouble since i hit a mailbox if i turn it in?""

How much will motorycycle insurance be for a 17 year old?

im getting a 487cc Suzuki gs500f, how much do you think insurance is going to be? also how can i lower the cost of insurance, will it lower when i turn 18? im taking the msf course and getting it under my family plan if possible thx""

Where can I get cheap health insurance?

Where can one get cheap health insurance?

Does it make sense to use a local car insurance company instead of a big national one?

What would my car insurance be?

i am a boy about to turn 16 and i wanted a nice car i really want a standard sports car. any ideas on how much i would have to pay a month?

I need to provide health insurance for my daughter.?

I live in Colorado and she lives in New Mexico. I only need to provide health insurance for her (not myself). Anyone know of a good insurance deal in New Mexico?

Does anyone know of any ortho dental insurance (cheap or reasonable) in Texas? ?

I need braces... I have Blue Cross Insurance but ortho isnt incuded in my plan. I am with Blue Cross through my job. I am so upset! I need this done. Or is there a place where I can get them for really cheap? (Braces)? Thanx for your help.

""Which has high auto insurance rates, santa barbara or vacaville CA?

10 points

I want to buy a Mazda RX8 with 69xxxx miles. is it a good car and how much does insurance cost for these cars?

How come i don't see many of these cars around?

What supplemental insurance company is the best.?

Looking for supplemental insurance, but I want to go with a good one. I am a 27 year old female. No pre-existing conditions.... any suggestions?""

How much does 1 point on your drivers license make in car insurance prices?

Ca insurance help with a dispute with another driver?

I've just had a minor accident,there were no witnesses but a van just pulled out of a parking space on the side of the road and hit me as I was driving up the road,I was going real slow as I was looking for a space to park myself,in fact I was driving right in the middle of the road as there was a massive lorry parked before the van and he took up so much of the road,you had no choice but to drive over the middle white line (just to point out there were no cars in the other lane).My car is fine but his van has smashed,mirror,lights,dents etc...He went mad saying it's his brand new works van and his boss will go mad and make him pay for the damage and he was stationary but I know he wasn't and there are no witnesses,the only vehicle around was the lorry and the driver was in the shop.How do I stand with this as I've never had anything like this happen before,also I did agree to swap insurance details and gave him mine first as soon as he had mine,he jumped in his van and sped off,luckily the company he works for was written on the van,as it's evening now I can't get hold of anyone but will telephone tomorrow morning to get his/their insurance details.""

Can a car insurance company ask you if you have health insurance when you make a claim?

I was in an accident recently and the other insurance company asked me if I had health insurance. I was not at fault. Can they do that?

Why is homeowners insurance so high?

Been paying on my house for over 20 years.Never missed a payment.Always pay my taxes on time.Always carry insurance.Raised 3 children on my own.Always worked.Didnt collect food stamps or state insurance.Payed back anything I borrowed.Could not afford higher education.Was paying to raise my children.Husband left when kids were young.Owes me over 70000 in child support.Never covered one cent of their medical bills.Their all in late 20s and early 30s now.I guess all that doesn't really matter except for the fact that because I was too proud to suck off the taxpayers I worked.I made my bed and I slept in it. .But now im being penalized again.Insurance rates based on many things like your education.So,because I am stupidier than the average driver I will probably get in more accidents.How but this?Im over 50.No accidents No tickets.Always drive older vechicles so its not possible to speed even if I wanted to.I always thought my car insurance would go down after 50.In a few years they'll be jacking it higher because im too old.When does it stop?Okay.So back to the house insurance.If they refuse me house insurance Ill lose my house.All the money in interest and principal ive payed over the years will be in vane.The banks and mortgage companies will keep all the money ive worked for and take the house too.Homeless .Wont beable to work wont beable to pay taxes.will probably freeze to death and die..All because the sharks that call themselves insurance executives need to take another vacation.I wonder if they have mothers.If you have someone living in your house who has gotten a ticket or so on,your rates go upAnother way they our breaking up the American family.Is it true our politicans have sold us out to other countries.China for one.They are buying up our food sources.They probaly don't want us to beable to grow our own foods or have our own livestock.The crops are genetically engineered so our seeds probably are too.They probably own the insurance companies tooHow do people go to florida for the winter and leave their houses vacant without paying higher rates.I was told insurance companies don't cover vacant homes.Thanks for listening.Bless you""

Is car insurance more expensive in Florida or Oklahoma?

I moved from Ohio to Oklahoma and my car insurance rates went way up. Now I'm moving to Florida. I was just curious how Florida rates and if my insurance will be more or less expensive there? Thank you!

Does a parking ticket effect my insurance?

I received a ticket today for not cramping my wheels to the curb while parking uphill. Will that effect my insurance? And will my parking violation appear anywhere on my insurance statement or any car paperwork? Thank you :)

Auto Insurance - what went wrong here?

Where did I go wrong? A few months back, I backed out of a parking place and stopped, waiting for traffic behind me to resolve itself. While stopped, a large vehicle backed into my driver side door. We both re-parked. The other driver first tried to convince me there was no damage and we should both forget it but after I showed him the damage to my door (his car had almost no damage), we exchanged insurance and personal contact information in a friendly conversation. I reported the damage to my insurance carrier, a large national firm, obtained the required 2 estimates for repair and submitted it, as directed by my carrier and his, to his carrier, a large regional carrier. They informed me he had decided my car was not stopped and so I bore responsibility for his backing his car into me (!), and they therefore were refusing to pay me. My insurance carrier said it was up to me to provide proof my car wasn't moving, regardless of the fact his car backed into mine! I approached the repair firm, and they provided me with photos and offered testimony to state that my car was obviously stopped, based on the damage to the door. I called the individual and said with this information unless he paid the bill in full, I would take him to small claims court. He argued but produced a check for the full amount. A month later, my insurance carrier raised my rate based on this incident and a highway speeding ticket over a year ago. I ended up paying more for my insurance and lost a great deal of time despite both of us being insured. Where did I go wrong?""

WHERE CAN I FIND SHORT TERM BIKE INSURANCE?

I want to sell my 125cc bike and I want to put it through an MOT before I do sell it, to do that I need tax and to buy tax I need insurance but I don't want to buy a 12 month policy.""

What are my best options for self-employed health insurance with maternity in Illinois?

I am leaving a well paid corporate job with great benefits to work for myself. I was recently married and my wife wants to have children soon. She does not have benefits through her job so I need to ensure we are covered well. What are some great options for affordable health coverage in Illinois that includes maternity and what's the time frame before maternity coverage kicks in?

Car insurance increase?

My 19 niece has moved in with us and is going to get her license and a car soon. Will that affect the rate we pay in our insurance even if she carries her own policy? I am not sure if it would be with the same insurance company or not. We live in Minnesota. Thank you for your help!

""What car do you drive, how old are you and how much do you pay for insurance?

I need a few questions answered. 1. How old are you? 2. What car do you drive? 3. How much do you pay for insurance?

Will my car insurance be invalidated?

Phoned my car insurance company today to report a minor bump. The guy asked if I had any points on my license and I told him that yes I have 3 points for speeding. He said that they had no record of this. I don't know why they have no record of this but that's not really the point. Will they try to claim that my insurance is invalid? If they do try this will I be able to claim a refund as I will have been paying them money for literally nothing for the past four years?

How much might mototcycle insurance cost a 20 yr old male?

I am getting a SV650, and i neeed motorcycle insurance. but i need to know how much it can cost me at an -Average- for me age. the bike itself cost around 7,000$ and it is a sports bike. any thoughts?""

affordable auto insurance thomson ga

Can you get car insurance without a license?

I want to buy a car without a drivers license. Can I get insurance for the car if I use another name of a person with a license?

Misspelled name on car insurance card.?

I have allstate car insurance .They just misspelled it by one letter, what is supposed to be an N is an M , I've had the card for like a month and its misspelled on my old one too. Does it really matter?""

Insurance - Cheap Car?

hello, my sister has just passed her driving test & she's wanting a cheap little run around. a ford ka 1997. She's seen one for exactly 300, and they're allowing her to go view it tomorrow. the reg is - 13 jan 1997 it's a petrol engine size - 1,299 cc does anyone know how much insurance will cost on it? & how much tax/mot costs on it? thankyou..""

What are the recommended coverage i should have for auto insurance?

i don't know anything about auto insurance, so im trying to figured out what i should include in my policy, not just standard, but recommended coverage, so that if anything happen the insurance company can't say this or that doesn't covered...im a person that rather be safe than sorry later... so far i have statefarm in Florida, and here are my coverage and limit so far: liability bodily injury 10/20, property damage 25 per accident. no-fault coverage comprehensive collision uninsured motorist bodily injury 10/20 is there anything else i need to add or missing? is there different between the personal injury protection and no-fault coverage? is my limit enough? my friend has 50/100 limit and pays much lower premium than me (about 40% less).""

Any suggestions on how to lower my car insurance?

I'm an 18 year old female driver, and about a month ago I got into a bad car accident due to a malfunction. When this occurred, the insurance and everything else was under my dad's name. Now that I bought a new car, my dad wants everything to be under my name because he doesn't want to get screwed over with high insurance and such, but the quote I got from Travelers (which was the insurance my dad was under)was around $800 a month, to insure my 2007 Honda civic, and my job doesn't pay enough to afford that. And I have other monthly bills to pay as well. Any suggestions on what I could do? Or what insurance company to switch too? Any helpful information is appreciated!""

How does insurance work?

im 19 years old n as far as i know i have insurance through my parents work...n i want to go to the doctor for birth control but i dont know how to tell them about it...im not close with my parents at all! so i was thinking of going without them knowing but if they bill my insurance is there a way for them to find out even tho im over then 18????

What is the best car for cheap insurance?

im 17 and i was wondering what will be the best car for cheap car insurance and around how much will it be.

""On buying a new car, should I get insurance for it immedliately?""

I am buying a new car in a day or so. Am I legally required to get insurance before I take it out of the dealership? I heard that dealer should keep insurance for 1 month. Is that true? If it is true, what is covered - just the car? Driver? Passengers? New-car buyer in Texas""

What is the least expensive auto insurance company?

Currently have geico...

No insurance ticket?

I got a ticket today for no insurance. I know I can go to court and show proof of insurance and just pay court costs. After I show the court my insurance card, are they going to contact the insurance company to make sure it is valid? I'm sure you know why I am asking.""

Anyone know a dentist in NH/MA that is affordable?

Hey , my parents are having a really hard time with their teeth , and it kills me to see them in such pain and having nothing to help them. The thing is they don't have dental insurance because medicaid doesn't seem to cover it , my parents are both in need of some dental work for an affordable price because we do also live on a fixed income . Some please help , any places?""

Best insurance for Japanese imported car?

I am thinking to buy Mazda Eunos 1992 Japanese import. As i am new driver I find it hard to find decent insurance which will cost me under 2000. Any suggestions? Maybe you know any good company in mind?

How much would it cost to insure a 1973 C3 Chevrolet Stingray Corvette?

I am doing a class project and just need to know an average cost of insurance for a Stingray Corvette.

Whats the average motorcycle insurance cost for an 18 year old guy?

Car insurance help (UK ONLY)?

my mums car insurance company is tryin to screw her over... i need opinions please! the car got wrote off due to something smashing it from the back as it was parked therefore perpitrator was never found! the car was worth 500 which was 100 deducted for policy... then the insurance compony took the whole wak of 12 months insurance aswell when we only had the car for a month! is that fair? deucting that for 500 leaving us with 154.77... IS THIS LEGAL????

What are the penalties for driving someone else's car that does not have insurance?

Long story short, my friend was driving his friend's car when he crashed into someone. Not a big accident, but the car's owner had no car insurance. They have to go to court and they, including the police have do not know who was at fault. Anyone know what are the penalties of crashing someone else's car that doesn't have insurance? Would most of the blame be placed on the owner? This was in colorado, in case laws differ state from state.""

Month to month insurance question?

I am about to sell a 2003 Chev Silverado that hasn't been driven, registered, inspected or insured in several years (I am in Texas, if that helps). I am getting everything up to date as far as inspection plus some repairs that need to be done before completing the sale, so I will need temporary insurance. I have been shopping for just the next month, and have even googled month to month insurance in Texas but keep coming up with insurance companies that only quote a full year. Since I don't currently drive or have any reason for auto insurance, I don't have the option of adding it to an existing policy for a month. I do have an active license so I am eligible to get insurance, but I don't want to pay a huge down payment on the premium and lose it once I cancel after I have handed the truck over in 2 weeks. Are there any companies or websites designed specifically for temporary or month to month insurance? What are the options?""

Looking for Health Insurance in New Jersey?

Hi Going to the doctors for a simple check up costs a lot of money and I have to take blood tests too and that right there costs 500 bucks and I'm paying cash out of my pocket.. I'm looking for health insurance in my state and actually for my parents too but I can't seem to find an affordable plan. Can anyone help me out this? I think we're going to go broke pretty soon because sometimes it's really urgent and the doctors don't even give you discounts.

Can a financial advisor from AXA sell you New York life insurance?

I'd like to know if a financial advisor that works for AXA Advisors offer clients New York Life insurance products. Thanks in advance! I'm in CA by the way.

Best place to get California car insurance?

Online, preferably. Thanks!""

Will my car insurance go up?

I got my first driving ticket for going 75 in a 65 and didnt use my blinker and it was a 170 dollar ticket. Will that make my insurance go up? if so how much?

A question regarding health insurance for couples?

me and my girlfriend have been dating for two years now. i plan on proposing to her this spring, but we can't afford a wedding yet. i was wondering if me and her could get an affordable health insurance, or would we need to get married to do that? i was also thinking, that if we would have to prove marital status, that we could marry at a court house, then eventually i'd propose and have a formal wedding in the future. what do most couples do in this situation, when finding good health insurance? we're healthy, no illnesses and the only prescription my girlfriend has is for her birth control. i also plan to start my own business, so getting our own insurance would be essential. thanks!""

How much will i pay in car insurance for a used mid range priced vehicle?

i am a 20 year old single mother who lives with her parents and works full time.

How much would auto insurance be for an 18 year old female?

ok I have good grades (straigh A's) I will be driving around 2,500 miles 5 days a week I will be able to drive a 2001 chevy tahoe, 2004 honda civic and 95 toyota camry main car is 95 toyota camry though i live in san bernardino what would be the average amount for insurance? where can i go to get cheap liability insurance?""

How can I get product liability insurance?

I'm going to sell some of my homebuilt PC's on ebay, and I have been thinking about worse case scenarios. For example, if the power supply somehow catches fire and burns down the house, I will have insurance and they wouldn't be able to sue me for everything I have, right? Where and how and how much?""

affordable auto insurance thomson ga

What's the average cost monthly for a high school student for having a car?

Just like the question says, around how much is everything put together on having a car (maintaining, oil, insurance etc) for a high school student. Thanks.""

2006 cadillac cts insurance rate for teens?

i want my dad to give me his car but i wanted to know how much the insurance would be its the base 2006 2.8L cts and its salvaged , so yeah state farm rates would be a +, State of California""

Pulled over by the police today without no insurance and no driving licence in the uk?

today i got pulled over by the police without a driving licence and no insurance the car had insurance but it was in my moms name and i only had a provisional license how much points will i get for that and will i get a band?

Am I covered with name not on car insurance?

I am very worried. I feel bad enough about getting into an accident, but now I find out that I can be in very big financial trouble. I am 17, I recieved my license 8 days ago, and I ...show more""

What auto insurance would be good for a 17 1/2 year old?

So out of all those companies which one is the most affordable??

On average how much is car insurance at 17?

on average for a ford ka 2000 a student girl driver (please dont recommend for me to go on go compare etc as i havent got the time thanks full points for best answer

Does anyone know of cheap car insurance for over 50s?

What style of vehicles is cheaper to insure and which is body type more expensive?

Also, which insurance company is generally cheaper with SUVs such as a ford explorer?""

How much would car insurance for a 21 year old be for all state?

Insurance for a 17 year old on a ninja 250?

hey im looking at getting a ninja 250r for a first bike. i choose a 250 because it is cheap, cheap to keep up, i could work on almost every job myself, it wont do a wheelie at 90 and kill me, gets 65 mpg highway, and is still as quick as a z28 0-60. what would the insurance be on a little 250 for an almost 18 year old with a perfect driving record, and almost all major discounts ( good student...etc)? i know you cant say for sure but would it be a doable amount since it is just a 250, or is it going way too much cuz im a teen?""

How much am I gointo pay for car insurance?

I am 17 turning 18 soon and when I graduate I plan on getting a 2011 Subaru WRX STI or a 2012 Mustang GT . I was just wondering how much I am going to be paying for insurance on either one. I will be 18 when I get it, I am a male and have a clean driving record. Please help, this will most likely be the deciding factor for which car I get. I would also like to know which car you would get. Thanks!!!""

Car Insurance Advice - Florida Needed?

I have been going over my policy and lowered my PIP. I have a 9 yr old SUV so no comp and collision, I would like someone with insurance or legal experience to look over my coverage and tell me if sufficient. I am a home owner with no equity. I have no other assets other than an ROTH IRA and bank accounts with about $1000. or detailed coverage descriptions, hover over the associated below 2003 MITSUBISHI MNTROSPXLS Total Vehicle Premium: $466.00 Protects you and your passengers Bodily Injury Liability [Edit] Current Limit: $20,000/$20,000 $167.00 Property Damage Liability [Edit] Current Limit: $50,000 $136.80 Personal Injury Protection-Insured [Edit] Current Deductible: $1,000 Ded. $162.20 Personal Injury Protection-Insured & Relative [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Personal Injury Protection -Insured with Excluded Work Loss [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Personal Injury Protection -Insured and Relative with Excluded Work Loss [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Additional Personal Injury Protection Insured [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Additional Personal Injury Protection Insured and Relative [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Medical Payments [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Uninsured Motorist - Nonstacked [Add] Current: Not Carried Not Carried Uninsured Motorist - Stacked [Edit] Current Limit: I Reject this Coverage $0.00 Protects your vehicles 2003 MITSUBISHI MNTROSPXLS Comprehensive [Add] Deductible Not Carried Collision [Add] Deductible Not Carried Emergency Road Service [Add] Not Carried Rental Reimbursement [Add] Not Carried""

How much does liability car insurance cost for a 17 year old girl?

I know that the full insurance may be roughly 140-160 a month for me, but I was told by a friend that his insurance is only 80 bucks a months because he only got the liability insurance in which his insurance only covers the other car, but not any damage done to his own in the case of an accident. Keep in mind, he's male, and he is also 21. I'm looking to buy either a: 2000 sunfire 2000 cavalier 1995 jimmy 1998 chevy tracker 1993 bmw 325l ....and the idea is that I would get it with the liable insurance to save some money. How much may this cost me a month? I have no history of any driving infractions or accidents.""

Insurance co is saying my car is totalled?

I have an 11-yr old car with 106K miles that runs well. Last night I was rear-ended quite hard while waiting at a red light. Both the other driver and his insurance co immediately admitted liability. The damage to my car is pretty bad. I went to the auto body shop recommended by the other guy's insurance co - they told me the car will have to be totalled b/c it will cost more to repair than what the car is worth - he estimated the car is worth $2K and repairs will be at least $4K. So the insurance co is saying they'll give me a check for $2K and I have to get rid of the car (apparently that part is New York law). But I cannot buy another car - at least not one I'd trust to drive! - for $2K. The accident was completely NOT my fault - how can the insurance co not pay to repair it? Has this happened to anyone else out there? Is there anything I can do? I don't want to give up my car! :( Please help?

Aprox how much will my insurance cost?

im going to be 16 in a few monthes and get my license then me and my parents are going to buy my first car. Ill be 16, a girl, and the car will be some cheap used car most likely.""

What is the average cost per mile to operate a car including depreciation maintenance gasoline insurance etc?

""Is $150/month too much for auto insurance. 21, female, full coverage?""

I signed up for Allstates full coverage insurance for my 2006 Toyota corolla. I'm 21, female, and clean driving record so far. Is 150 per month too expensive?""

I got a ticket for no insurance..?

but i actually did have insurance i just happen to show the officer the wrong one is there anything i can dot to avoid this 3 yr surcharge.

""Pizza delivery driver insurance in own car, where can I get insurance uk?

I have been offered a job as a pizza delIvery driver but I need to insure my car with business insurance I have tried everywhere but know one does it please Help x

What is the average insurance price on a Mercedes Benz CLS class?

I am 16 and I want to know if the car is expensive for insurance. I'm a guy too. And I don't need the I shouldn't have that car crap. I just want answers please I don't need your opinions I can afford the car.

How much is my motorcycle insurance going to be in Alberta Canada(rough estimate) please help!?

Hi I live in Alberta Canada and i im 15 and have my learners, when I am 16 I am planing on getting my motorcycle license i have nothing on my driving record (crashes, speeding tickets, ect). The bike I am planing on getting is a 2010 Kawasaki ninja 250R and Im looking for a rough guess on how much it would cost to insure for a year. Thanks""

Does anyone know of a health insurance company that will insure me even though I am pregant?

My husband and I make a little over the income requirements for medicaid in our state(SC), we also own two cars so our chances of getting medicaid is very slim. I was just wondering if anyone knew of a health insurance plan that will take on a policy for me even though I am pregnant....we were in the process of looking for health coverage, but ended up getting pregnant in the mean time...thanks for your help...please serious and honest answer only...we are in the state of south carolina. thanks""

Why do car insurance rates go up?

After an accident, why do car insurance rates goup? What happened to all the money I've paid in over the years? Isn't that supposed to cover the cost of the accident? I'm talking about non-injury accidents.""

Getting a Permit in TX increases insurance rate?

hi. is anyone here from texas? i just want to know if insurance companies in TX really do increase your insurance rate once they are notified that your son or daughter has a permit to drive. AS if living here isnt already hard enough, lets top it off with this surprise.""

Stick with USAA auto insurance? Or shop around?

I always thought they were not just the best, but also the cheapest (if you qualify to insure with them). But I'd like confirmation of this, or other opinions... should I shop around for my auto insurance? Switching to another insurer seems almost unthinkable - I've only ever been with USAA...""

affordable auto insurance thomson ga

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/health-insurance-quotes-mental-disorders-claire-estrada/"

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luisneer · 7 years

Text

selected tweets 2016-17

These are tweets from my first @luisneer twitter account. Recently I made a new twitter account with the same username, after having deleted my account and having been without twitter for several months. These tweets are from August 2016 to March 2017, which was most of my first year of college at Shepherd University, in Shepherdstown, West Virginia. I don't go to Shepherd anymore; I transferred to West Virginia University, in Morgantown, WV, after my second semester. My tweets from late March 2017 to [July or August] 2017, when I deleted my twitter, were not archived.

I'm creating this blog post so the world will have access to some of my tweets from the deleted @luisneer, in case they have any merit as literature. I'm still not sure if I will continue to use twitter in 2018/the future. Usually when I use twitter I feel like I'm actually wanting to be doing something else, but I don't know what; or wanting to be using "another app" that doesn't exist. Twitter generally seems bad for me. Questions about my tweets August 2016-March 2017 can be directed at [email protected]. Thank you

2016

morgantown has ~48 vape shops

**morgantown has ~480 vape shops

siri has werner herzog-like inflections

considering changing outfits when i take several walks in one day (so nobody thinks im a serial killer, stalker, spy, alien)

think i remember ~5% of things i said today

imagined vague connection btwn 'vitamin d' and 'reptar'

felt distinctly that i was a monkey or chimpanzee while crouching in the corner of my dorm room eating peanuts out of a jar

just thought (as a request to my mom) 'fax me my skateboard...'

looked at toilet in bathroom stall with expression of 'utter terror' for what felt like ~15 seconds while it flushed

listening to bright eyes with headphones at house show

feel that the toothpaste i use is advancing decay of my teeth

feel 100% certain that i could train myself to use telepathy to operate my phone during classes

enjoying the sensation of my right leg 'falling asleep' during psychology class (left foot is also 'asleep')

felt 'sociopathic' after eye contact w library worker who watched me pick up & pocket a pair of apple headphones someone had left on a chair

left stolen apple headphones on gray bench across the street from my dorm

repeatedly placed/removed sunglasses while walking in hallway

strong desire to remove all positive patterns from my life and perpetuate/embrace all negative ones

feel that my laptop 'knows' which parts of its screen im looking at

in winchester, VA

thought of my own music as having 'no compelling audible elements'

thought of myself as being legally named 'the fuck up', then couldnt remember my actual name

successfully, i feel, duplicated 'sociopath facial expression' during eye contact with arch-nemesis in stairwell

ive taken 13800mg ibuprofen since i got to college

feel compelled to ask my 9 yr old brother for advice re 'college-level' personal issues

feel smart after sitting on couch in painting studio + reading art magazines for 2 hours

persistent notion that 100% of students at my college personally hate me

psychology professor muttered something like 'scary snake... endocrine system...'

feeling heavily drugged/sedated in psych class

psych professor seems obsessed with/terrified by snakes

imagined kanye smoking crystal meth and tweeting something like 'please help me... cant feel mouth... need help'

saw a moth at open mic, thought about god

experiencing difficulty trying to smile

enjoying using numerous cliches ('the case is closed', 'taking a step back', 'harsh realities') in an essay

intrigued by conversation i had 9 hrs ago w/ 2 boys who countered my tone (calm, eloquent) exactly by being loud and rude in a friendly way

felt simultaneously really cute and really lonely while giggling with my mouth closed in french class

imagined kanye inventing the word 'compactualize' and using it in a sentence during a televised interview

enjoyed 8-sentence john updike bio in norton lit anthology

perceived person standing outside bathroom stall occupied by me could 'sense', via something like echolocation, that i was/am depressed

spoke to french professor in what felt like a distinct persona/alternate luis neer called 'marge simpson voice' luis neer

feel confidently that the public debut of 'marge simpson voice' luis neer was a success

feel that 'marge simpson voice' luis neer is the culmination of an unconscious process that initiated in my mind maybe 3-5 years ago

i want to identify/analyze additional alternate luis neers

i dont like videos

i came to college and got weirder, better at writing, more arrogant, more defeated, more sensible

simultaneously feel that i should run 3 miles and that, at this moment, i would be incapable of running any distance

feel urged to draw new attention to my 'marge simpson voice' tweets

huge power outage at shepherd lol

realized theres no such thing as a 'nation'

remembered ive blown off obligations to several people, not just one person, so my irresponsibility doesnt 'have a focus', felt comforted

feel that my follower count is 'crystallized' / will never increase or decrease ever again

struggled to convert 'stick-and-poke' to past tense during conversation in line at sheetz

feel it would be pleasurable to take a donut + bottle of coca-cola from this sheetz via armed robbery

crossed busy road, felt really surprised i didnt get hit by a car, also i wasnt wearing glasses, was walking to sheetz, bought an icee

laughed alone in my dorm thinking that i should print out a picture of barack obama to put on my wall

drank from separate glasses containing soymilk, coffee, iced coffee, apple juice, cranberry juice, water, sprite for dinner/breakfas

just thought 'from adorno to zizek' sans context while shitting

opened gmail, emailed my father, closed gmail, opened gmail again, viewed email to my father, forwarded it to myself

'camcorder' would be a good band name

i thought arnold palmer had already died

willem dafoe doesnt make me uncomfortable

i want to stop being mean

i hate bfs but i want to be someones bf

wishing i was in a car with friends and no cellular service

tangled up in myself and others

twin peaks is depicted as a small town but its population is greater than that of every city in west virginia including the state capital

eating shark

thought of my own intelligence as 'frightening'

thought while walking to class that ginger ale should be made public domain

had the stitches on my chin removed today, touched the scar tissue for the first time

i miss being in therapy

i love carpet

i love carpet !!

just thought about my own tweets and lol'd

mood lately very fragile

this is what i get for staying up til 5 am

all night i've felt a wave of dread swelling up, now it's really hitting me

sound of laughter in public still frightening + unnerving

my instinct for when to unfriend people on facebook has adapted so that i unfriend people over statuses that make me feel no emotions at all

fuck, im feeling so much terror

gucci mane was born 3 days before conor oberst

the other day i mentioned that i was a poet and this vape guy interrupted me to say "and you didnt know it" and i went fucking nuclear

interacted with mailman who was picking up mail as i was trying to mail chapbooks, he didnt notice at first that i was talking to him

what if old people have secrets

my dad is making me root for a football team but im in pain emotionally

i feel guilty in general

thought of my poem "portrait of a nation without any people" as the "lead single" for my full length; it appeared in potluck 14 months ago

im close friends with satan rn

feel like travis scott never intended for people to spell his name with a $

from now on every time i get honey on something ill list the thing in this thread

finger

desk

coffee cup exterior

pajama pants

knee

carpet

chin

phone

shirt

shoe

thought that my elderly geography prof. moves by "shuffling"

feeling shorter, broader

the only part of the new bright eyes box set i want is the booklet

is there a booklet? i know there are nvr b4 sn photos

the song "lime tree" came to conor oberst in a dream

i like citing things in MLA

i write essays by pretending im werner herzog

doesnt seem to be getting later

lit professor gave my project (sequence of 6 sonnets) a C, i wish she would have gotten me expelled, shelley + ginsberg both were expelled

heard someone in another room ask "where's wal-mart?" as if wal-mart were a person whose location could change

i think i just swallowed a filling while eating popcorn, i am very scared, please help

crazy how things get worse

there are people on my floor having tons of fun and im upset

bit my mattress while sitting in the chair next to my bed

weird that chance the rapper only has 2.4 million followers when he's sort of one of the most famous artists in the world rn

also weird that donald trump has made 34,000 tweets, seems like an incredibly large number

the strangeness of yesterday was, for me, augmented by people on the internet talking about a tv show that ive never seen or heard about

the sunlight is obscene

im so upset about the sun being so bright im afraid to go outside

im glad im the only poet who likes trailer park boys

i slept in a blanket fort under my bed and havent left it all day

yr = your ur = you're

my favorite things are pdfs

now that ive adapted my living space to allow me to never leave my blanket fort i feel like my roommate, omar, exists in a parallel universe

i hear him but i never see him

i love latte art, i drink many lattes

thought that twitter "isn't worth it" in an upset tone while drinking mtn dew

felt pleasant considering uniqueness of all parent-offspring relationships

went through my closet + made sure all shirts and jackets were zipped/buttoned

my blanket is generating flashes of light from static electricity

record store guy became visibly sick of me several months ago; feel a little guilty every time i enter his store to spend money

i prefer EPs

felt "out of control" walking downhill listening to dead kennedys with headphones

writing an essay is difficult because idk how much relevant information other people have already considered / moved on from

have been wanting to write at least one poem inside my blanket fort but i don't think it's going to happen, i don't know why

the internet isn't big enough

usually when i think "i dont understand the uproar about [event]" i realize there is no "uproar"

"uproar" is media's way of manipulating the public spotlight and distracting people from important tasks

feeling helpless + melancholy after dying 15 times and killing 2 stormtroopers in star wars battlefront

the only way to attain conor oberst-level emo hair is to lay in bed and sob for hours

i'm sad

my mom was confused when i told her my first book comes out today

was luis neer in odd future

thought "sometimes i just want to end it and start all over" in an exasperated tone re my goodreads account

becoming increasingly convinced it would be best for me personally to take myself extremely seriously/never joke about myself

thinking that my tweets would seem terrible if i were a senator/governor/other politician

imagined doomsday device for future @starwars movies: the "death train," a normal train that exists in space and destroys planets

how does anyone do it

in science fiction movies, spacecraft usually look like shopping malls

everyone in the world is high except me

feel like i want to have poems published immediately

having delusions of grandeur

im sitting on my record player

my most-used word in 2016 was "bleak"

prepared and ate garbanzo beans w a lot of rosemart at 2:00 AM

my brother has a friend over and is being mean to the friend

all i want for christmas is to never cheer up, ever

watching eyes wide shut and hugging duckuc

my nose feels like it's going to bleed

im sad because every bf looks like me

getting better at eating ice cream by punching it with my tongue

the internet is too freaky...

i think 2017 will be a year of realizing things

im watching the angry birds movie

the angry birds movie is so shitty... why was it made...

ive never had a new years kiss

2017

im weird

eating medicinal ice cream

im not going to do any drugs in 2017

made a medicinal phone call

i want to drink some blood

i dreamed that roger ebert wrote a negative review of life after ppl and called it "liner notes"

years dont kill people

feel inexplicably/explicably really scared about the future of my poetry career

i've felt stoned since i was a baby

downloading google earth

made eye contact in starbucks with possible luis neer incarnation from ~50 years in future; bon jovi "dead or alive" played through speakers

realised that at some point in the future i will become extremely interested in watching football

i recommend reading poems extremely slowly while touching the text with your middle finger/index finger

experiencing cognitive dissonance

used phonetic clues to correctly predict meaning of & use the word "tandem" while discoursing with myself internally

i miss steel pedal guitar sounds on conor oberst songs

my previous incarnation "college luis neer" has evolved to become "high school luis neer-like luis neer in college setting"

thought "man, i got to stop caring what people think about me" in an emphatic tone that seemed confusing/interesting

mediocore

beyonce is cool i think

i want to re-read "v for vendetta" and to not tweet about it

remembered that i own a pinata

i will be at awp

how could i make twitter a better place

i saw 4 people wearing yeezys in dc this weekend

feeling increasingly self-conscious about how much i use the phrase "in the world" or refer to "the world" in poems

felt robot-like while attaching detachable headphones cord to my headphones while wearing the headphones

watching shepherd univ lacrosse team practice from "safety of" student center

i invented releasing two chapbooks in one day

im dumber than me

reasoned mentally that im more likely to produce accurate drawings of myself because "i basically look like a bird, so i just draw a bird"

i want to have a "fake tweet" (e.g. a simple phrase) to tweet repeatedly every time i feel urged to tweet an uninformed/unimportant opinion

my fake tweet for the foreseeable future will be "i dropped my textbook in the stairwell". when i tweet this it means i have an opinion

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

does anyone remember the chapter of "the hobbit" where bilbo avoids starvation by ingesting peanut butter, honey, cherry nyquil, and water

sensed that all my college friends just simultaneously shifted from having vague/non-serious negative feelings about me to hating me

resulting from continuous building of irrepressible/inevitable conjecture in the friends' conscious thoughts

eating chicken and squash

i click on 100% of poetry links tweeted by poets i follow

when i was writing Waves i was obsessed with waves (e.g. energy waves, frequencies) and used the word "waves" at least ~10 times every day

i dropped my textbook in the stairwell

white nike swooshes on shoes of boy in library look vibrant/magical

terrified of being cool

walked to library really slowly while listening to noise music through big headphones

i was really, really yung when i started publishing and i'm still really yung

2 chainz always looks like he's walking in an airport

i have 5 twitters

i didnt know what bill paxton looked like, i was thinking RIP gene hackman

why doesnt anyone blog about me

thesis statements arent real

thinking about my book

i deleted both my tumblrs by accident

sad about my tumblr

my name is all over the internet

im a lizard

someday there'll be no more ppl

a lot of conor oberst song titles have parentheses

feeling sad about the actions of my clone, who passed away

idk how to use venmo or what it is

present-day tumblr is like the end of the never ending story where atreyu is talking with the rock biter and the nothing is swirling around

when someone, anyone, is upset with me im afraid im going to be assassinated

the views-era apple music ads that depict drake working hard in the studio have really affected and inspired me

on tumblr i have 4 followers

almost all of my tweets seem unimportant

feel that if someone told me that one of my tweets made them upset i would just apologize and delete it

ground control to commander venus

i like my new tumblr

i would be wearing a cardigan rn but i dont have one

feel that i will continue to generate bright eyes-related content throughout my life

is everything ok

i look like michael moore

#words

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