#i still have things i need to finish that arent school related

[goatboard]

ah anxiety....

[corvidares]

thoughts and feelings about fnaf: into the pit

(spoilers! talk of endings!)

so, while i enjoyed playing this game a lot, i am left feeling dissatisfied in a lot of ways, mostly in relation to what the hell just happened

on the side of things i LIKED:

the pixel style!!! good god this feels so perfect for fnaf. obviously we've always had the minigames in the retro style, and while fnaf has had a fine enough "look" for years, i really hope to see more stylization like this. the pixel art and animations are beautiful and full of character

there's a lot of visual detail, both in the sense of easter eggs (of course) and background clutter. fnaf games are always good at having gross settings, and this definitely does that. even the cloud of dust that pops up every time you jump in the ball pit is yucky, lmao

speaking of details, the sound design is also VERY good. it conveys a lot of what is not seen; the closer you get to a kid thats been captured by spring trap (pit trap? guys idk what to call him) the more you hear their cries and whimpers. of course, as always, sound is a part of the gameplay too, helping you know if spring trap is close and that you need to hide

the writing in terms of dialogue and such is good! i like that oswald is.. well, he's kinda dumb. rightfully so, for a kid! he does things that arent always logical, it takes him a hot minute to figure out that hes in the past, etc

its also genuinely distressing and sad to see him suffering, to see him try to tell his mom that something is deeply wrong, only to be brushed aside because (presumably) the possession magic is invisible to adults. to see his trauma get worse and worse as the days pass; nightmares, visions, straight up sleeping through his school day because he's been up all night! even his idle sprites are always sad and scared

the gameplay itself! the learning curve felt appropriate, i liked the strategy of using the noise makers, hiding, and the vents. fwiw i did play the "creepy" setting which is essentially easy mode. but i still died plenty, its not a complete cakewalk or anything.

the classic fnaf snark sense of humor is definitely here in this game, and i love it. the achievements? hilarious. the tips on the loading screens, jeff's entire character?? good stuff.

misc things i noticed:

for whatever reason, after night 1 i had a constant "bloody/strain" filter at the edges of my gameplay. not sure if this is like, random? game footage ive seen doesnt have it, and one even had a different filter. not sure what to make of it, it seems odd to just be a meaningless, randomized detail?

i got one glitch: after checking the cameras while the other kid is in security with me, oswald's sprite didnt reappear and i couldnt do anything. so i had to restart the game lol. not major, and i have no idea how common it is. otherwise everything was quite functional iirc

regarding the more critical side of things.. im mostly frustrated. now, i know fnaf, i know it never serves you answers on a platter. i know theres always an abundance of easter eggs and secrets (which i have tried to research, tho the game is still new). but upon finishing the game and seeing all the endings, i realized i didnt get answers about a lot of things i thought i would. for example;

where the hell is foxy??? the other core three are there and get added as enemies when you progress. his stage is present and some kids at the past party mention they miss seeing him. but he's not on ANY of the imagery throughout the pizzeria. in fact, we don't see him at all. if i didnt know who foxy was, i would only know his name. the only exception might be some empty masks in the backgrounds, but honestly i doubt it. this seems.. really strange to me. ill elaborate later

why did spring trap tie up oswald's dad? what was he going to do to him? did.. did anyone even die? oswald rescues everyone!

this is probably silly and i acknowledge that. but what was up with the giant spider jump scares..... i assumed itd be a new enemy or something but nah. THAT SPIDER WAS TOO BIG. WHY

what was oz's dad doing this whole time? was he trying to escape at some point? why is his shit all over the resturant?

onto just general critiques:

the gameplay did get a bit formulaic and sometimes fetch quests felt repetitive and/or like busy work. like why did i have to get five different sets of keys. bruh

the story has a lot of plotholes. and again, this is fnaf, these games have always looked like swiss goddamn cheese. but i can still be frustrated about it

for example, how is time passing in the past versus the present? IS it passing if we're not there? how do we affect the past? why does no one in the present acknowledge what happened here?? did spring trap get caught in this timeline? did anyone die? was oswald always a part of these events or did he change the timeline? this is presumably the first four/five murders, but a lot doesnt add up. is there a timeline where oz is one of the murdered kids? in the bad ending, he gets possessed, but not stuffed in a suit.

how does spring trap's possession even work? back then he was still alive and perfectly mortal... right? but then again, he supposedly strangles himself in the end, then leaps back to life to kill jeff? huh???

why is spring trap so animalistic? he doesnt seem human, and his eyes glow, which i dont think is something that suit can do (though i could definitely be remembering wrong)

speaking of which, i dont think the og four's eyes glow either, but they do in this game.

the "true good" ending does not make any fucking sense, first of all. second of all, considering the amount of work one would have to do to get it, it is extremely minimal. if i had done all that and only gotten a slight dialogue change as well as a "yay happy eating pizza at jeff's" scene i wouldve been PISSED.

also, speaking of not making sense, im sorry but oswald's lie to his dad about what happened is so obviously not true. why does he not question this at ALL? ESPECIALLY considering he has a fucking CHUNK OF HIS ARM BITTEN OFF. we see in jeff's ending that that shit bled a fucking lot! was his dad too concussed to call him on the obvious lie of "you fell and hit your head". and if he was, he would OBVIOUSLY NOTICE LATER THAT FIVE DAYS HAVE PASSED. AND THAT SOMEONE WAS WALKING AROUND PRETENDING TO BE HIM. WHAT (and dont say "oh he thinks he just lost his memory of those days" YOU DO NOT LOSE HUGE CHUNKS OF MEMORY UNLESS THERE IS MAJOR BRAIN DAMAGE OR TRAUMA. UH UH)

while talking to my gf, we came up with a couple theories.

one, she thinks its likely this game had more planned. and i agree - the missing presence of foxy is the biggest indicator, in my opinion, but theres other things too. for example, despite the fact that we're never able to enter the library or mill, both places have a map that can be pulled up when you press the map button outside those buildings.

the mill, especially, obviously has a ton of animatronic parts in the trash, and we all know that can be important... it seems to be too big a thing to be a simple easter egg, but what do i know.

another thing that feels way too big to be an easter egg is gabrielle; the girl who gives you a notebook with information about the animatronics (not foxy :( ) that provides hints for later. she mentions that her grandfather was a technician that worked with them back in the day. he never talks about it now though (the ONE acknowledgement we get in the present that bad shit went down!!!)

like.. is this henry? someone else? SURELY that is not a random guy. but it's a one and done interaction. i thought, when meeting her, that she would become a friend and ally, that we'd be able to learn more. the writing seemed to slant that way, but no. we're never able to talk to her again afaik

all this lends itself to the idea that the game was pushed. i can perfectly picture, like a year ago, someone telling the team "fnaf 10th anniversary is august 2024, get it out for then" and them having to cut stuff they had planned (but perhaps not developed, as afaik there are not missing assets showing foxy or the other things mentioned)

which is obviously a shame, and if thats the case i of course commend the team! this is a great game, especially if it was rushed. but this is becoming a pattern with fnaf games, and considering this is such a big successful franchise, that should not be the case.

anyway! overall, i truly did enjoy playing into the pit, and im very glad it was my first experience playing a fnaf game myself rather than watching a playthrough. and there are secrets that seem to be deliberately cliffhangers, in true fnaf game fashion. such as the photo that stuns spring trap, or the minigames.

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 6.(Part 1)

The main female protagonist who, has been the “mother /psychiatrist/ fixer/curse-breaker” for 57 eps & 2 seasons, has finally had her own “I’m a real person with my own issues” ep !!!! YESS! So happy!!! also, so underwhelmed. Tohru has been painted to be this utterly selfless & altruistic character for long, that when she’s finally a balanced character it’s presented in half an episode? Don’t get me wrong, I like the ep, but there’s also the same feeling of bullet train that I felt in momiji’s ep! ugh!! I hated that feeling! Go away~ oh well.. I’ll quickly state what I didn’t like, before jumping into what I liked, in order to end with a happier note~

What I didn’t like:

Tohru’s monologue after leaving shigure & Isuzu felt more like a background exposition more than a true character’s thoughts. The reason is that It is quickly narrated with quick flashbacks from the past with intentional pieces missing from the flashback. Pieces like” how did Kyoko hurt tohru? She said to kyo, in se02, ep “ I feel like I’ve only caused her sadness” &  tohru’s flashbacks in se02 of her mother leaving/ closing a door. All these things not included in tohru’s 1st ever personal monologue made it seem like quick fill in for the audience more than tohru’s main struggle. Compare it to Yuki’s 3 ep monologue in se02, filled with all his own background info, hence, we as audience sit back & just feel. With tohru a little brain work is needed of putting things together in the puzzle is needed because NOTHING abt her trauma has ever been explained to us prior to her monologue . Also, compare this kyo. A character who ONLY have 2 eps dedicated to him in 57 eps, yet even without monologues & with hidden secrets for climax purposes, his emotions are clear cuz his background was explained early in se01, ep24 & se02, ep9. Compared to them both, her monologue felt a bit lacking.

What’s up with the following scene? Her crying & kyo comforting her mid-street. He saw her crying, asked what’s wrong & she couldn’t say & he gave her a comforting advice. All good. Kyo always give the most needed advice for tohru to be herself & feel comforted. Se01, “complain more, be selfish” Se02, somen table scene & asking her abt her future plans & the hiro incident. Kyo has tried to guess whats wrong first. Here he saw her cry in the middle of the street & just gave her an advice? couldn’t he at least guess wrongly if it is her granpa? school? anything? This scene is AMAZING but it feels off a little.

Kyo’s “ now I remember” EXCUSE ME?????? se01, ep14, valentine ep, he got a nightmare, then when shigure talked to him, we saw a quick flashback that we didn’t now what it is but now it IS kyoko. se02, the entirety of ep9 & the “ I won’t forgive you” & the flashback of young him with kyoko talking abt tohru. se02, ep 22 his fight with yuki & the clear face of kyoko telling him abt something regarding the hat. His entire shutdown of tohru IS abt kyoko NOT abt him being a monster cuz tohru accepted monster kyo in se01 ep 24! so.. REMEMBER WHAT????? the accident?? I feel like being hit with a rock. I mean, it makes sense that kyo will get PTSD after seeing the hat, cuz he remembers the bloody accident vividly. But it is the dialogue that IS weird. “ I remember” ?? it makes no sense? unless it is another hidden secret & will be revealed later. If so, then forget this point.

Kagura (more on her below). Now, let’s talk abt what I liked!

-Grief (the most difficult theme to express in literature): Excellent writing!

Grief is one of the most diverse human emotions. ppl who grief a loved one either erase everything abt them in order to cope with the pain of loss & live on, or drastically engrave everything, not want any memory to slip away, or hold the deceased on a pedestal, or hate them irrationally in order to forget abt them, some deny that the loved one is gone, others talk to them daily, some act & live normally for years & suddenly it hits them that this loved person is truly gone & they breakdown. Others, direct their disbelief of losing a precious one into the envy that other bad ppl are still living, why my precious one is dead?. Thats why, it is a difficulty emotion to understand by others. Ppl watching you will always think that comforting you is enough & that the longer you take, the more impatient they are with you. Tell me, watching tohru this ep, didn’t you feel that:

Come on. tohru, you can love your mom & kyo! who says only ONE person can be your precious?

Umm, why she cries for her mom NOW? 2 years after her death? Is she over it already?

Tohru~~ your mom aint going no where cuz you loved a guy? she’s in your heart, girl. Ugh!

Compared to yuki who was abused by his parents & kyo whose mom commit suicide in front of him, tohru’s trauma is meh~

Feeling this way abt tohru is exactly how many feel abt ppl struggling with grief. You are NOT a bad person if you felt this way. It means that thankfully you weren’t struck by grief to tohru’s extent or that your grief went about differently than tohru. Grief is a crippling feeling. It is valid, strong, overwhelming, paralyzing & above all very unique to the person themselves. Tohru feeling that her mom is slipping away from her memory is so realistic & utterly heartbreaking. Grief hurts & moving on from grief hurts more!!!! The more you go on & live your life, the more you feel like you betray your loved one.

Tohru’s entire existence is for her mother & so her mother LIVES inside her:

Finishing high school cuz it’s her mother’s request.

Getting a job to sustain herself cuz she has no one to support her financially.

Giving her mom’s wisdom & teachings abt life to others.

imitating her dad’s speaking style to prevent her mom from “leaving”.

Being the perfect girl in order to portray that her mom, who is a gangster & is hinted by the ugly relatives to be unfaithful to her husband due to tohru not taking after her dad, actually raised a respectful girl!

Talking to a dead cold lifeless picture as if it is a living human being & going into panic attacks when she looses such pictures.

Suppressing all her true “ ugly, negative” emotions & only giving the fake smiles & positive attitude.

She fears that ppl will leave her if she isn’t “comforting, happy”, hence, the whole facade of “ i’m okay, I’m okay”.

Immersing her self in ppl’s issues so she won’t face her own feelings of utter loneliness, fear of the future, & being left behind when everybody moves on with their lives.

Thinking that having selfish desires contradicts the “ hopeful, kind” girl images, hence, the fear to actually wants sth for herself. Everything HAS TO BE for the sake of the others.

Tohru is deeply traumatized & her complex, unhealthy but extremely realistic attachment to her mom must be broken. Tohru must learn to LET GO.

-Kagura’s character’s assassination. aka (violence heals y’all!)

The show wanted to express the emotion that kagura is still in love with kyo, but is learning to let go & accepting kyo/tohru love. I love that. Her speech with kazuma abt not being able to face tohru cuz her face will show her emotions is so relatable & it hit ME personally. Loved that. Then, she learns that tohru truly loves kyo & should confess to him not talk to Isuzu & I get that, it make sense that she lashes on thru & teach her the value of being open abt your feelings & dont loose him. all cool & understandable. BUT:

How dare you slap tohru like that? you don’t know what she’s going through? tohru is wearing funeral clothes for God’s sake! she just visited her dead mom, you insensitive woman! How dare you assume that all tohru is struggling with is love love, romance romance yay~ confess, kiss, be happy?

Tohru & kyo’s issues are deeper than typical, normal, shallow shojo love. It is related to child trauma & abuse. To their own individual identity & self-image! Their romantic love is meant to guide them towards better choices for the future, not magically heal everything. Their mutual love is NOT the answer to their issues.

How dare you slap someone to make them go back to their senses? this is such an anime move! ugh!~ it cheapens the emotional weight of character’s emotions.

“ I’m not apologizing to tohru. We communicate thro fists” excuse me?  you arent even communicating with kyo thro fists! he sees you & run! the only time he thanked you for, was when you didn’t “ communicate thro fists” & played with him as a child! Not only make her hit tohru but not apologize??

No one told her off? are you foreal?? Isuzu pouting lips is no match for Isuzu powerful emotions when she’s embarrassed, & kazuma! where you at? Happy at the “ open confrontation”? Why do you kill kagura’s character like that?

Side Notes:

I hate how this went by in half an ep like they did with machi!! tohru is THE main character for God’s sake! But it looks like the show is not so fond of the true tohru who wants stuff & screams & talks to herself, alas she isn’t the angelic, innocent girl that is saturating the heck out of all shojo amines. Oh well~ perhaps tohru’s issues will be visited again in the finale?

Kyo gets PTSD reaction in front of tohru. great. Now what’s next? I won’t ever forgive the anime if next ep, kyo & tohru are all normal or worse the episodic theme prevents the continuation & jumps elsewhere. Nearly all the eps that didn’t end with a happy note, started the next ep somewhere & totally forgot the cliff hanger. such as, Isuzu’s ep in se02, it ended with tohru’s nightmare & next ep started yuki’s issues with tohru all smiley & bright. Another example, the Cinderella play ended with kyo/tohru torn symbolism where each is awkward with the other, next ep machi !!!!!! & kyo/ tohru all normal in kazuma’s house. But this time, it will be an epic mistake to do the same. Kyo going full traumatic in front of tohru to the point of her screaming is not sth you skip & start over erasing. Don’t disappoint me show! you can’t screw that, can you?

I love the symbolism of kyoko disappearing from the picture & the crack of her framed pic at the end with it still continued in he ED. Good job.

They are building for a hug clashing scene between kyo & tohtu. it must hurt. It is designed to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. It is not abt romance. It is abt mental & emotional trauma. I’m excited. But I’m scared. After today’s ep, I can confidently say I don’t trust the director. I’m an anime-only, but tohru’s part in the story is the least touched upon, the quickest to get over with & has the wackiest animation. They just don’t know how to depict an emotional tohru~ sigh~

Tohru is written to be a unique protagonist in the sea of innocent, selfless & always happy shojo heroine & opposed to the badass, physically strong female protag in shonen. She is the most realistic, but so much of her potential is wasted so far~~

“ saving the sohma’s. breaking the curse for others is a lie, in reality I wanted to do it for kyo” This line is supposed to be liberating for tohru cuz for once she is putting herself FIRST! It is not abt kyo. It is abt herself! it is cuz SHE wants him. See the difference? See how this line gives tohru the biggest character development!! but still sth is missing. I duno..

I have lots to say abt tohru, kyo, shigure, the grandpa, kyoko, Isuzu & even kazuma! I’ll do that in part 2.

I still liked the ep tho. It is solid. I”ll like it MORE if they continued from here & didn’t cut it cold.

[poptod]

The Breeding Kings, pt. 3 (Ahkmenrah x Reader)

Description: The blacksmith.

Notes: I Love this story but i know yall arent that interested in it which is kinda yikes for me but theres no way im not finishing this fic whether its now or two years from now WC: 7.8k (again im so sorry)

+

By the time you and Ahkmen actually made it out of the pyramid, most of the stars had vanished, and the dawning light of the sun sparked a panic in the Prince's heart. He hurried you back to the shore, picking you up and setting you in the boat before pushing the boat far into the water. Constant glances over your head let him keep an eye on the shore, on the rotating guards at the gates, and where was best to tie the canoe back up.

In the end, he found a spot as far away from the gates as possible, securing the boat before helping you out of the rickety contraption.

"Have you school?"

"Unfortunately," he muttered beneath his breath, adjusting his belt.

With that he took your hand, jogging down the wooden docks until you came to the entrance. He ran through that as well, terrified of anyone recognizing him, and didn't leave enough time for you to think on it long. Ever respectful, he saw you home before sprinting back to the palace by himself, wind burning his eyes all the way up.

For the next couple days he took extra care in his physical health. Learning to calculate the time of day and its' relation to the curvature of the earth, while in the blazing heat of the sun, had not fared well on his sleep-deprived mind. When he returned home that evening, he slept over 12 hours in a dead faceplant on his bed. Upon waking he found Piye looming above him with a knowing expression.

"How much time have you been spending with that Yogi?" They asked in a clearer, less clogged voice than Ahkmen had been able to manage through the amount of beer he'd had recently, paired with how little sleep he had.

"Didn't come home one evening," he grumbled, raising his hand to wipe away the tiredness from his eyes. "Got a lot of sleep last night, though."

"I can see that. Get up. We've got some time yet before the weekend," Piye said with a clap that roused the young Prince.

"Good morning, my Prince," said Naguib, who slipped in through the door. "The Pharaoh's dinner with the emissaries from Ebla is tonight. He wants you there."

"I have other places to be," Ahkmen whined, his shoulders drooping as he looked up.

"So does he," Piye said flatly.

School passed by without him ever seeing you, a fact that disappointed him more than it saddened him. His mood got him into a small verbal bout with one of his teachers, and though Piye tried to hold him back, the school day ended with him in one of the study rooms watching Yafeu argue with his father.

Ahkmen huffed, resting the weight of his head on his open palm balanced on the table in front of him. Yafeu couldn't tell him that he wasn't allowed in the school anymore, but the Priest would do his best to make sure Ahk got the second best punishment.

"I expect more from you, Ahkmen," his father said quietly as they walked side by side back to the palace. "None of your brothers have the skills or the wherewithal to lead a country. That responsibility may fall to you."

"Kamun is the oldest, isn't he?" Ahkmen grumbled. "He's the one who's going to be Pharaoh."

"Nothing is set in certainty, my son. Now then, in a few hours the Eblans will arrive, and a dinner will follow."

"Does that mean I have some free time, then?" Ahk asked with a sudden, bright change in tone.

"I want you to get ready," Merenkahre said, frowning. "Not play around with your friends."

"I'll only be there an hour at most," he said, playing off his own innocence.

The Pharaoh paused in the street to look down at Ahkmen, before letting out a long sigh.

"Very well. One hour."

Ahkmen didn't wait to return to his room––he turned and immediately set back off down the road, dashing and twisting through the crowds that formed the closer he got to the temple of Osiris. He barely looked to see where his hands and feet were as he climbed over the familiar crates, landing back in your alley and ducking back into your home.

To his surprise, Piye was already sitting in your waiting room, their feet set on a high shelf with their butt in a pile of blankets.

"Oh, hello Ah–"

You entered the room with massive goggles on.

"-hhh whhhat's up?" Piye corrected with wide eyes.

"... not much," Ahkmen said slowly. "I have a dinner with my parents in an hour, so I can't stay for long."

"I do need one help," you said as you pulled your goggles off, examining the material in your glove-clad hands. "I need a.. a..."

You snapped your fingers, attempting to recall the name of something. Ahk and Piye waited patiently.

"A kaentam," you muttered before a curse. "It is the rocks that kiss."

Piye stared at you dumbfounded, their mouth half open.

"You mean a magnet?"

"I think, yes," you said, though you didn't look sure. "Panya and her rock are still not... I do not know the type of her rock. I need your 'magnet' for to find the – the name."

"Well it's not exactly easy to find magnets," Ahkmen said slowly, picking at his chin as he thought.

"No, yeah," Piye agreed in the same contemplating tone. "I know they're used in medicine, but it's a... an unconventional treatment. Kind of expensive."

Ahk stared at the ground, continuing to play with the skin of his jaw.

"I think I know where we might find some," Ahk said after a moment.

"What is it?" You asked, stepping nearer.

"Osiris' temple. Priests have areas for medicine, and we already know the layout of the place."

"It's late, though. We're not allowed to enter after sunset," Piye pointed out.

"That's why it's good we know the layout!" Ahk said as he stood. "Now let's go."

"Don't you have a formal dinner in an hour?" Piye asked, watching Ahkmen leave out the door with a quirked brow.

"Let's gooo!" Ahkmen sang from outside.

Anything to distract from the coming responsibilities––anything to earn your favor, to win you over in some fashion he was convinced he hadn't already won you over in. You followed him out with a smile, murmuring a small greeting and thanks before Piye also appeared from behind you.

"And onwards we go, to Osiris, to Osiris," Ahk sung as he scaled the crates, followed by you and Piye in order.

"We have obtained," Piye continued the song with a grunt, "forever and ever, what your Grace will gift us."

"You talk like your heads have nothing in their side," you said, to Ahkmen's great amusement.

As Ahkmen originally suspected, most of the temple's inhabitants were too preoccupied with the evening adulations to notice three children, however strange looking, entering the complex. Ahk entered first, donned in his usual golden fabrics, followed by Piye, who by themselves always looked out of place no matter where they were or what they wore, and then you, a child at Piye's side, dressed in an unfamiliar but royal fashion.

Murmurings and voices could be heard from the tall roof of Osiris' temple, where many of the hour priests gathered to scan the heavens. Already the brightest stars shone through the light of sunset, a fact Ahkmen was quite glad about, since it would keep attention off him.

"Yafeu's room here has many, many supplies," Ahkmen whispered as the three of you crept down the open hallway.

"How do you know that?" Piye asked.

"I was sent there so he could yell at me and he's got bookcases and chests worth of things in there. What a monetary bastard," Ahk said with a tut, chuckling from his own humor.

When he reached the door to Yafeu's office, he slowly turned the lock, letting the wood door swing open with a creak. He motioned Piye in, then you, before following in himself, locking the door behind him.

Although Ahkmen might've been privy to the private belongings of the high priest, you and Piye shared no such knowledge. Piye, who had to bow down slightly due to the height of the ceiling, slowly scanned the room, from the pots to the jars and tapestries hanging from the walls. A reed mat had been set on the floor, keeping away the dirt and sand anyone might drag in.

"Where does he keep his medical supplies?" Piye asked quietly, taking a ginger step forward as they scanned the shelves with their eyes. When they spotted nothing useful, they began to rifle through them with their hands.

"No clue. Let's start, shall we?"

The three of you set to searching the room, categorically searching the different shelves––Piye for the tallest two, Ahk for the middle, and you for the lowest. You tried your best to keep quiet, wary of those who passed by outside the door.

"Why do you need a magnet again?" Ahkmen asked after several minutes of silent searching.

"Panya's rock seems iron in a... clean.. way? It is.. not how you see it in earth, and I don't know it. But your magnet will," you made a motion with your hands of them colliding together, "if I am right."

"You must know quite a lot about metals," Piye said, not bothering to tear away from the work at hand. You and Ahkmen, however, had stopped to look at each other when he spoke.

"My family is... kaghruppakal, moving.. metal, to make into things," you said as you reluctantly returned to the baskets on the bottom shelves.

"Blacksmiths," Piye said.

"Thank you," you said. "My father father's had it learned by the Kings in my home. They give us a good home for years, but they give no... money. So when new King comes, we had no home after."

"What do you mean, new King?" Ahk asked with a confused furrow in his brow.

"It is long and I do not know the how to say in Egyptian, but a man killed the King and stole his name," you said quietly.

"Is that why you left your home?" Ahkmen asked. "There was a revolution?"

"More of a usurping," Piye muttered.

"A little, yes," you said with a nod, before falling quiet.

Ahkmen waited a moment to see if you would say anything else, and a moment to wonder if he would say anything else, but ultimately returned to scavenging through Yafeu's belongings.

Statuette.

More gold bracelets.

Ancient scripture.

"You have to leave for that dinner pretty soon," Piye said in a dull voice.

"I don't need to leave for anything or anyone."

"Ureka!" you suddenly cried, a toothy smile coming to you as you forgot yourself.

Ahkmen and Piye both shushed you, to which you quickly apologized in a much quieter voice.

"I saw them," you said, extending in your hand a pair of magnets stuck to one another.

"Oh thank Gods," Piye said in a rush of breath, their hands immediately falling from the tall shelves. "Let's get back and see if it reacts to your stone."

"No, no, I bring it here," you mumbled distractedly as you dug into your large pockets, pulling out the shiny metal.

He watched in bated breath as you raised the magnets to Panya's stone. The whole of the process meant little to him, but it was part of your job, and he enjoyed partaking in little bits of your life.

This handicapped understanding of your work left him rather confused at your excitement when the magnets stuck to Panya's rock. You gasped, marveling at the reaction. As you moved to your feet, you never looked away, holding it close to your chest.

"Irumpu," you said through your smile. "Iron."

"I'm quite glad you've figured this out, but for the time being, we need to get out of here without being spotted," Ahkmen said, putting his hands on your shoulders before gently moving you aside, and opening the door a crack.

Piye spoke in a mumble with you as he stuck his head outside, the cool air of night filling his lungs, distinct from the stuffy walls of Yafeu's office. There were few people in the courtyard, as most of the priests and workers were still preoccupied with their finishing tasks for the night.

He motioned the two of you over, leading you silently outside. You crept along the wall with quick feet, skipping out of the temple, and running back into your home in a smiling rush.

The rush of adrenaline in his blood soon dissipated, comforted by the familiar shades of red and gold always resting upon your crown. Still staring at the metal, you collapsed down in your cushion pile, moving to hold the ball above your head as you stared. Ahkmen chuckled at your behavior, taking a seat beside you as Piye fell in a similar manner as you did across the room.

"Happy?" Ahk asked teasingly.

"Very," you said. "I must to find who had made it. The old King shows my father father's how to make it, but I never ask. And," you snapped your fingers, "then it is gone. When they go."

"Your grandfather knew how to purify and mold iron?" Piye asked in a low but loud voice, sitting quickly up.

"Yes, and it is good for..." you made a stabbing motion, "things that make people dead."

"Weapons," said Ahkmen.

"Etuvaka. Not many know how it makes, and that is how – why we come here. Makes better money, more than a city. Our city, people know how to," you mimicked squishing and molding things in your empty hands, "do with iron, so it is all every shop. Here, it was my family, only my family."

"That must've been quite the business at the time," Piye said in a softer voice, still low as they contemplated your words.

"We make good money," you said with a nod. "But I know this not. I want... to see.. find the maker. Hear his words."

"You'll probably want to see Panya, then," Ahk said. "It was her who found it, right?"

"I think yes."

"Wonderful. You'll go find her, and I will take him home," Piye said as they stood, gesturing to Ahk with their chin. "Dinner, remember?"

"Has anyone told you how irritating you are?" Ahkmen said, but nonetheless obeyed and stood.

"Your father reminds me every day," Piye responded flatly as the two returned to the palace.

Ahkmen drummed his fingers against the table below him, leaning the weight of his head on his raised knee. His mother had forced him into his royal clothes––the actual royal clothes, not just the expensive ones––and the crown his parents had made him gave him headaches with its' weight. Pure gold was heavy.

Ebla was a trading nation from the north who supplied a small but important type of material rarely found in the desert; wood. That was what Merenkahre and the Eblaite queen spent two hours talking about. Wood. They brought other goods such as rarely-found textiles and handcrafted artifacts as well, but they focused on the wood. It made sense, since that was what Egypt required the most, but it still bored him terribly.

Piye was much luckier by his reckoning. They didn't have to attend duties such as these. All the things they had to do were fun, things like gathering ingredients from the markets or the side of the Nile, going off on quests to defeat mythical beasts.

The young prince huffed, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from tapping his fingers too loudly. Walls of grandeur surrounded him, a good enough difference from your home that he was nearly shocked when he entered his own home, staring up at the towering ceiling. His style was slowly changing, as it usually did, to accommodate new aspects of his life; this had happened before on many occasions, as he suspected it did with many other teenagers his age.

A dream to look at. He would reckon your smile would match against any angelic beauty––anything holy was a common miracle in comparison to the subtle, entrancing magic of your laughter, his hand holding yours as he dragged you, pretending not to notice the racing of his heartbeat. A dream.

He wanted nothing more than to scoop you up and drown you in kisses. In order to avoid his own disappointment at his fantasy not currently being reality, he bit deeper into the inside of his cheek, pressing down harder on his open palm.

Hours later, he stared up at the canopy of his bed, the sheets tossed around his body till most of them hung half of the bed. His breathing was the only noise in the still room.

Until his breathing irritated him so fiercely he sat straight up in a huff, a frown on his forced expression.

"Fucking... thoughts," he muttered to himself, halfheartedly punching one of his pillows.

He could not manage to tear his mind from you. Every time he closed his eyes, he thought of you, and adrenaline built in him as he unwillingly imagined your face. Would you mind if he came to see you? It must've been past midnight. You worked during the day. He shouldn't bother you.

Ten minutes later he was fully dressed and sneaking out of the palace, a shroud of cloth concealing his identity as he moved along the shadows. He reckoned Piye, who also slept inside the palace, did not want to see you at this hour, and he left them to sleep.

Ahkmen wasn't sure what he was looking for in returning to you, but as per usual, fantasies spared no expense in the luxurious self-indulgence department, scenes playing behind his eyes of the two of you 'naturally' finding yourselves in intimate situations. Most of it consisted of him finally getting some sleep, this time with you in his arms or wrapped around his waist.

Despite his embarrassment concerning previously mentioned fantasies, they did inspire him to move faster, and before he knew it he found himself standing in front of your tent, hesitating for the first time.

Again his doubts plagued him. He comforted himself with the fact that he had come all this way, and it seemed a rather foolish idea to give it up now.

With that he entered, his eyes immediately falling to the one candle lit in the shadowed room. The usual rushlights set about the entrance room––where he and his friends usually sat about and did nothing––had disappeared, leaving much of the folds of cloths in shadows that casted stark against the single flame.

"Yogi?" Ahk said in a much quieter voice than required.

The sound of rustling blankets had his heart sinking in his chest. He had hoped, at least, that he wouldn't bother you from your sleep––most of him believed you would be up all night working.

"Aganu?" You murmured softly, high and quiet with the sleep pulling at your lips.

"Uh, yes," he said, trying to peek behind the curtain separating your bedroom front your shop. "I'm sorry to disturb you so late. I thought you'd be up, I – I can leave."

"No, no," you mumbled. "Is good. Come here."

He gulped, gingerly stepping forward and pulling away the cloth door. Behind it, you lay in a pocket of space built into your fabric wall, drowning you in luxurious blankets of red and gold. All that remained visible was your eyes, an adoring sight in his mind.

"Why've you got that light in the other room?" Ahk asked quietly, kneeling down in front of you.

"More not strong. It is very red," you said, poking your finger out to gesture to the room as a whole. "Good for night sleeping. Why are you coming here?"

"You mean your house or your bed?" Ahk said, stepping away as he became aware of his closeness to you.

"My house."

"Couldn't sleep," he said with a shrug. "Thought you might be able to help."

"Why?" You asked, before backtracking. "Wait, that is not the word I mean. Um... how do you want help?"

"I don't know. Maybe you have a potion, or just a better bed than I do," he said, chuckling.

"I have both."

"Hey, you haven't even felt my bed," he said in a teasing manner. "How do you already know your bed's better?"

"Because it is not hard."

Fair enough point––Egyptian beds were essentially a table built for the purpose of sleeping. Good for the hot weather, bad for the joints.

"I don't want to disturb you, though," he said quietly as you began to rise, sheets and thick blankets falling from your shoulders to reveal the naked expanse of your chest and stomach. He gulped, though fortunately not audible, as you stretched your hands up.

"It is no problem," you said, sighing deeply as your arms fell.

Rooting around in your bed, you found a large but thin blanket, wrapping it around your body before you left your comforts. You yawned as you stood, but faithfully wandered to your potion storage. Ahkmen had never seen any of your potions, as he didn't believe a hangover cure counted as one, and thus he looked eagerly over your shoulder when you knelt down. Glass and pottery clinked together as you searched.

"What kind of potions do you make?" Ahk asked, stepping back when you once more rose to your feet.

"To help bodies," you said, gesturing to your own body, "and soul." You tapped your heart.

He frowned. Obviously.

"Do you have like, a love potion?"

"Why you ask that?"

"Just curious," he said quickly.

"I have... khamam potion. You make a man drink it and they will.. have..." you trailed off, unable to explain fully. "Love to you? When they make the children."

"Sex?"

"Sure. They do the sex. Man or woman," you said with a dismissive wave of your hand.

"How do you make a potion like that?"

"You think I give it with no paying? I must make money, Aganu," you chuckled softly, bopping his nose with your finger, before sobering to speak. "This is a potion that will make you calm. Ready for sleep, yes."

"Oh, thank you," Ahkmen said, taking the small, clay bottle. "How much do I owe you?"

"Speak more about the sky."

He quirked a brow.

"That's your price?"

"I want to know more. I go to school to clean, not hear, but I want to," you said, taking his hands in your cloth-covered hands, and staring upwards. "I am alive to see and hear and I want to hear you."

You couldn't be aware of the effect of your words. Not with eyes that innocent. But, as usual, his heart raced painfully in his chest, overflown with an affection he had no choice but to hold back.

"... very well," he murmured, and led you back to your bed. You crawled in, surrounding yourself in blankets once more as Ahk sat on the floor, carefully watching your sleepy, fluttering eyes.

"The sky––well, more specifically the night sky, is a woman. Her name is Nuit. At sunset, her head in the west consumes Ra, and in the morning, she births him again. Her eyes are the sun and moon. Her lover, Geb, is the earth, but they are forever forced apart by Ra, who placed their father to separate them," Ahk said, reciting information he had long known. "His name is Shu. He is the air that lets us breathe."

"Why did Ra want them apart?" You asked quietly, muffled behind your blankets.

"Nuit became pregnant by Geb. Ra found it an abomination, cursed her to never give birth on any day of the year. But Thoth helped her––won a few games of Senet against Khonsu, god of time, and earned her five days in which she gave birth to five children."

"Who?"

"Osiris on the first day. That's his temple you work at. Then I believe it was.. Horus.. Seth, Isis, and her sister, Nephthys." He paused to yawn. "Those are the epagomenal days, at the end of the year. Pretty big celebration."

"I like to see this," you mumbled.

"I'll take you this next year," he said. "There's plenty of food and beer for everyone."

Your breathing was beginning to slow, and when Ahk noticed that, he fell into silence. Instead he stared at your closed eyes, your cheek squished into your pillow. Too much to look at. The better half of him yearned to reach out and touch you, but the remaining bits of his conscious reminded him that that was, beyond anything, an incredibly strange thing to do.

He was even more grateful for his decision to remain still when your eyes opened on an inhale, blinking slowly as you met his gaze.

"Tired?" You asked. "Potion does not takes long."

He chuckled, "yeah. I'm pretty tired now."

"What time does it take to walk to your house?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe thirty minutes."

"You are.. you will fall by then," you murmured.

"Asleep?"

"Yes. It is a strong potion."

You paused, scanning his body and its' position near you.

"Remain here," you said, soft as the silk you drowned yourself in. "For the night."

The rope around his heart tightened at your request. His imagination, somehow, had come to fruition.

"Where will I sleep?" He asked, fighting back another yawn.

"All places. Do what you want," you sighed. "Or you fall sleep in the street."

"Very funny. Scoot over."

You glared up at him, but eventually gave in, scooting closer to the wall to make room for him. He pulled his jewelry off him before sidling in, hoping to avoid hurting you accidentally.

When he turned to face you, he found his forehead crowning you, his nose just barely brushing against yours.

"Thanks," he murmured. "You didn't have to."

"I know," you whispered in a breath, closing your eyes.

Only a few hours later he was awakened by something prodding at his face. His eyes fluttered open, blearily finding Piye above him, poking his cheek with a fireplace fork. Ahkmen groaned, turning over on his side.

"Don't you ignore me, you royal pain," Piye said, prodding him harder yet. "Do you know how many lies I had to tell to your father?"

"Piye, it's way too early in the morning for this," he said groggily, throwing his arm over his eyes.

"It's midday!"

"I got here late," Ahkmen said as he slowly fell out of the bed, sliding onto the floor.

Piye grasped the top of Ahk's head by his hair, lifting his face and kneeling to meet him.

"I swear to the Gods if you had sex with a ci–"

"I did not," Ahk hissed, wriggling till Piye's grip loosened.

Reluctantly, Ahkmen rose to his feet, brushing the wrinkles out of his clothes and pulling your blankets off the floor, placing them back on the bed. The lumps in the cloth suggested your presence, but as he pulled them away he found the rest of the bed empty. He stepped back in surprise.

Piye looked over his shoulder, frowning as they, too, saw your absence.

"Isn't this Yogi's bed?"

"It was last night," Ahk said.

"I am here," you said from behind. Ahk whirled around, coming face to face with you struggling to pull on a large, ornate coat.

"Oh. What are you doing?" Ahk asked with a frown.

"I am placing my coat."

"We can see that," Piye said flatly. "It's hot outside. Why do you need it."

"Pockets," you said, opening your jacket to reveal a plethora of pockets sewn into the inner seams. "I do go to market now. I will see for the man that had made this."

You reached into one of your pockets, pulling out the block of pure iron some blacksmith had thrown away.

"Will I go to Panya? If she wants to?" You asked, pocketing the metal once more.

"Probably should," Ahk said with a yawn, stretching his hands high enough that they raised the cloth ceiling. Piye nodded in agreement.

"She likes to stay in control," Piye added.

"I can help you get there," Ahk offered expectantly.

"Oh! Thanks many," you said, grinning wide. "I do not know to find her."

"I better come too," said Piye, who crossed their arms. "He always seems to get into trouble without me there."

"You say that as though I don't get into trouble when you're with me, too," Ahk chuckled.

"I'm not in the mood today, Ahk," Piye whispered, gripping Ahk's upper arm tight enough to leave temporary marks.

"Then don't come along," Ahk whispered back. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Piye glared at him but said nothing, walking swiftly out the door and closing the flap behind them. It left Ahkmen once more alone with you, awkwardly shuffling his feet as you prepared yourself, carefuly to remember all your tools.

"Thank you, again," Ahkmen said after a moment of silence. "For letting me sleep here."

"Yes, yes. Go now."

You pushed him out the door, following as you fixed the tassels of your pants. Thin ropes flipped every which way till you knotted them, tightening around your waist, before you set off towards the common streets. Ahkmen followed, though he couldn't see where Piye had gone.

Murmuring conversations surrounded him, circled by flocks of people heading towards Osiris' temple. Shoulders and feet pushed on him, shoving him about as he headed in the opposite direction, always searching for your scarlet red robes. They set you quite wide apart from the usual crowd, and thus the Prince used them as an identifier.

People cast looks in his direction as he continued to shove and push, a constant stream of shaky apologies tumbling from his mouth. He considered himself adept at moving through crowds, but he had clearly not gotten as much practice as you did, which combined with your smaller size, led you to stop far ahead to wait for him.

He panted as he reached you, pausing with a heavy chest.

"Feel you good?" You asked, quirking a brow.

"I don't do well when I haven't eaten in the morning," he said, his voice cracking as he bent over slightly, his hands on his knees.

"Funny Egyptian man," you laughed, reaching up to ruffle his already messy hair. "You are... too full of money."

"I wouldn't doubt that," he muttered, recalling the many luxuries his father had given him throughout his life.

"I buy your food, we will go," you said as you returned to walking, slow to allow him time to catch up.

"Oh, don't worry about that," he said, waving his hand dismissively as he rose to follow you. "I can pay for it. Don't waste your money."

"Right?"

"... yes," he said, after having given up on trying to decode what exactly you'd meant.

As the two of you entered the main streets of the city, the conversations of strangers grew louder, more densely packed between houses and stalls full of goods. Through the street you now walked down, there must've been at least five different spice carts. Careful mountains of cumin and ginger were placed in the corner of nearly every stop.

Near the end, he found a small stall of a woman selling beer. He reached for you, pausing your step as he dug into his own pocket, pulling out a silver ring.

"One cup, please," he asked, to which the lady politely acquiesced. He set the ring down on her counter. "Will this do?"

"... one more than that," she said, her gaze flickering from the ring to Ahk's eyes.

He pulled out another ring, and with that she handed him the cup, taking the rings simultaneously.

"Have a good day!" She said as the two of you left.

Ahkmen sipped at his drink with a satisfied sigh, relaxing into the sweet, familiar taste. Your drinks were good, but far too alcoholic to be worth any sustenance.

"I want a little," you said, moving on your toes so as to see inside his cup.

"Sure," he said, and handed it to you. You returned it after a couple swallows.

"We look for Panya, yes?" You asked.

"Oh, right. I'll take you to her house."

Panya didn't live far away from the center of town, so in a matter of minutes you were already knocking on her door. What you didn't expect, however, was for the High Priest of Osiris' temple to answer it.

He eyed you up and down, your odd way of dress, the dot on your forehead, before his gaze fell to Ahkmen. It was then his eyes narrowed, coldly recognizing the prince.

"What do you want," he said, leering down at you.

"Your daughter," said Ahk, who was leant against one of the pillars outside Panya's mansion of a house.

"You may not have her."

"I –"

Before Ahk could finish, something tugged on the inside of his arm, pulling him away from the doorstep. You didn't seem to notice, busy conversing with Yafeu. He turned round, stumbling with broken balance before he looked up, meeting Piye's eye.

"What are you doing?" He whispered, glancing back to you and the priest.

"I've been thinking," Piye murmured, leaning down to lessen the space between them, "I don't think we should go around the markets just talking about a purified iron. I think it might land you in trouble."

"Why?" He scoffed.

"I’ve been at all my father’s meetings with the Pharaoh and his generals and they’re talking about iron. How to get it, how to use it, how to control it, everything,” they said.

“Well why’s that a problem? They did the same thing with wood.”

"Not like this! Iron, it – it's incredibly strong. If we had armor made of that, shields made of it, weapons made of it, it'd give us an enormous amount of military power, and with your father in rule, I don't think that's a good idea," they said in a growing volume before they remembered Yafeu was there, and quieted down again.

"What's wrong with my father?!" Ahk gasped.

"Nothing!" Piye hissed, eyes darting back up to Yafeu to see if he had noticed. "He just has a habit of oppressing people!"

Ahkmen snorted. His hand shot up to cover his mouth, quiet giggles wracking his body.

"I'm sorry," he wheezed, "that shouldn't be funny. Sorry."

"It's fine," Piye said with a long sigh. "You know what I mean. If word gets to him that this little immigrant over here has a key to finding how to shape iron, he isn't going to take a visit and credit them with the discovery. He's going to deport them, cover it up, and claim he learned it from the Gods. You know everything’s a game to him."

Ahkmen's breath caught in his throat as Piye laid out the consequences in plain, simple terms he could understand. That would be the end of your friendship, but more importantly, it was also the end of your livelihood. You were still young––around his age––and you didn't know much else except living in Egypt. If he were to take your word, your home to the east was far, far away, and ruled by an unjust dictator. You would not make the journey there alone, let alone when you actually reached your city.

"What do you suppose we do?" Ahkmen said after a minute or two of deep thought.

"I think –"

"We can go here," you said, passing by them with Panya and, unsurprisingly, Unas bringing up the rear.

"Wait –"

He went to stop you, but Piye stopped him first.

"Best you don't tell them. We're not from the palace, remember?" Piye muttered, before promptly following you off the steps of Panya's house. Ahkmen, however disgruntled as he was, followed as well.

"I wish I was poor," he grumbled, walking alongside Piye, who kept a fair enough distance from you and your customers.

Piye struck him with a flat palm against the back of his head. The weight in his neck rolled forward, kinking it awkwardly, to which he let out a yelp of pain.

"Don't say that. Others in your country, in this city, starve. They would give anything to be you."

His frown drew tighter, irritant clogging his thoughts. Every inconvenience angering. He breathed deeply, willing the feeling away, and sped his pace to catch up to you. Panya might've been up there, but her presence would be a small price for yours.

The markets approached faster than he realized, and soon he was once more surrounded by strangers bartering and advertising. Thin tarps of orange and dusty yellow spread from one side of the thin street to the other, sheltering merchants from the hot sun, and allowing them to hang different products on the lines. He ducked under rings of cloth and over piles of incense, shakily following your wavy trail through the walkway.

Heat began to redden his cheeks, and it was then he realized that you'd made it to the blacksmith area of market, near to the kitchens. Fire stoking bread and metal filled the open air, made much clearer by the absence of the shading tarps.

"Uh, Yogi," he said, grabbing your shoulder to stop you before you could enter. "I think we should keep on the down-low, this purified iron, people might start talking."

You looked him up and down.

"Okay," you said, turning back round to enter the shop.

It took until evening before you made any progress. Most everyone you met was skeptical of you, which wasn't surprising considering the size and age of your group. But the last man you came to was still working, even as everyone around him ate dinner, readying to leave for home or staying for music.

He had long hair––longer than Piye's, trailing down to his mid-thigh. Unlike theirs, his was black, and much stringier in comparison. The knotted rope used to hold his hair back as he worked was crude at best, and one he had to constantly fix. Ahkmen didn't see it, but you noticed he was much skinnier than most of the other blacksmiths, who had grown muscles over the years of their work.

You approached him much like you approached everyone; a bright, commercial cheerfulness that came across as dangerously fake. To those who had spent good time in the markets, it was easy to see through. Those who hadn't, however, couldn't quite decode why you were unsettling, other than you being foreign.

"What did you say this was for again?" The man asked, his voice a quiet, low rasp. He had seated himself amongst your menagerie, matching the height of Piye, who was of course the tallest member.

"We are trying to find the owner of an amulet," Panya lied smoothly, pulling off one of her many necklaces and handing it to the man. "Or rather, the maker."

He took the necklace with skinny fingers, twisting it round in them as he surveyed the whole of it.

"Gold, ruby.. copper," he muttered, pointing to each of the different beads as though you could understand him mumbling. "Silver?"

Panya gestured for the amulet back, which he gave, and she strung it back around her neck.

"Iron. It's the purest we've ever seen and we're looking for the source," she said, pointing to the rest of the group.

"The durability is incredible. I would love to have access to that kind of things in my buildings and such," Unas added.

"I know," the blacksmith said, his hair still drooping long in front of his face. "I have been searching for a way to purify the ore, but I cannot get my fires hot enough. I keep getting... what might be iron, but it never looks right. Then again, I – I don't know what the correct product would look like."

Well then, Ahk thought, that explains why it was in the junkyard.

You leant over to Ahk, moving to your knees so your lips met his ear as you whispered.

"Can I show him what we found now?"

"Um.." his eyes darted over to Piye, who was listening intently to the man's woes, "sure."

Tapping on the blacksmith's shoulder, you brought his attention to you and the heavy malformed metal in your hand. His eyes widened, near imperceptive behind all his hair, but certainly filled with shock.

"Is that my...?"

"It is iron," you said with a grin. "I live in a city where lots of iron everywhere. Here, not so much, but that is iron."

"Unas found it in the junkyard in the southern part of Memphis," Panya said, pointing a thumb to her friend.

"Shit," the man breathed out, combing a hand through his hair. "I don't know which one that was."

"Which what?" Ahkmen asked.

"Which heat level," Unas answered for him. "It takes a specific amount to actually purify different ores. Otherwise you might burn it into a charcoal."

"And the all other rocks and," you motioned grinding your fist into the palm of your other hand, "the rocks you smash until they are sand."

"Powder," Ahk said.

"Yes. I see, when I was 5, my father has powder in his furnace, in the iron," you said with a variety of questionable hand motions. "Red, and... a bright black. Shiny."

Ahkmen listened intently for the next hour and a half as you, Unas, and the blacksmith conversed about smelting techniques. Apparently, all of you had, at one point, attempted to smelt iron out of the ore, a fact that was made appalling because Egypt didn't have any iron. Most of the iron within the country was either imported or from the meteor, which was confined to only serving the royal family.

Even Piye eventually tired of the conversation that never seemed to stray from smelting, though you did for a short time discuss techniques for copper. Piye had an incredible sense of patience, so when they tapped Ahk to tell him they were leaving, Ahk realized he usually would've left ten minutes into the conversation.

It clicked quite quickly that he wasn't really listening––he was watching you, and that had somehow occupied him for a full hour and a half. A creeping sense of embarrassment had him hunching his shoulders.

"Unas, we should go, we have that thing in the morning," Panya murmured into Unas' ear, though Ahkmen still caught it.

"Oh, right," he said in a deflated tone. He stood, brushing off his skirt before facing the blacksmith. "Thank you for your time. Is it alright if I come back sometime? Might be better to have more than one person working on this."

"How old are you?" The blacksmith asked in his usual mumble.

"16."

"... okay," he said after a moment. "You're old enough."

"Oh, good. Well thank you, anyway," Unas said, before motioning to Panya to leave. He bowed his head slightly as he left the circle of conversation, following his friend back into the markets.

As she left, Panya turned to walk backwards, holding her hands out to you. You quickly caught her drift, and threw the ball to her. She thanked you from a distance.

"We should leave soon as well," Ahk whispered to you.

A few minutes later, the two of you were once more walking side by side, wandering down the now-vacant streets. Ahkmen had no idea where you were going, but was along for the ride no matter where you ended up. As you hastened your step, you took Ahk's hand, forcing him to match your pace with a giddy laugh.

"The night is clear," you said, walking backwards to face him without halting your step. "You will show me the star shapes, yes?"

"The constellations," he said with a soft chuckle, his body filling with a warm, lighthearted haze. "Of course."

You led him back towards your home but ignored the alleyway entrance, instead reaching the doors of Osiris' temple. The tall walls marked themselves steep against your small stature, casting long shadows in the moonlight, that tonight shone like a shell of the sun. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words died stillborn as you tugged him into you. His chest met yours as he stumbled clumsily.

"Be safe, funny man," you giggled, looking down at him as his head's weight rested awkwardly in the crook of your neck.

What little citylights remained in the dead of night faded away as you scaled the tower, your neck craned upwards to the heavens. No matter how tall the roof of the temple was, no matter how high you climbed, the stars never seemed to move any closer. Their distance must've been incomprehensible, but inconsequential when grasping Ahk's hand to help him onto the roof.

He panted softly as he stood on his feet once more, brushing off the dust that came from the temple walls. You left him to wander to the center of the stone plateau. His breathing slowed, attention centering on you as your eyes still stared up into empty space.

You turned, noticing the heat of his gaze.

"Speak to me," you said in a voice that moved like music. "You tell on Sopdet, yes? And.. Sah. Nuit and Geb."

"Lie down with me," he said.

You dutifully obeyed, sliding down next to him, your clothes and hair splayed out.

For a good hour he pointed up, tracing the outlines of constellations he had studied all his life. Since you didn't know their shapes on paper, he drew the images in the dirt and sand collected on the roof, showing you how random collections of dots made up women and beautiful creatures, the everlasting Gods in the sky.

"I want to be... something beautiful," he murmured, looking down at his own shoddy illustrations. "Like the stars."

"You had say that when you will die, you will go to the stars, right?" You asked softly.

"In death," he said with a small nod. "I will not be able to see this earth. I will be one amongst millions. It's strange, but... I wish I could stay here forever. A star close to home."

"You are scared of being nothing," you said. "But we are nothing. We are nothing to birds, or to other cities. We are already nothing and everything. It is what you choose to make of you––make more of your everything, or sleep in your nothing. There is happy things in both."

"No time wasted in happiness is truly time wasted?" He said, remembering a familiar anecdote from school.

"Yes," you said with a smile.

Silence filled the space for a few minutes, stilled by the slow breathing of Ahk's chest. He closed his eyes, exhaustion tugging at him, all of which he ignored.

"Aganu?" You said, nearly whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I like my hours with you," you murmured, wide, warm eyes staring bashfully at him.

"I do too."

[despairofthefuture]

She may be looking for Sonia Nevermind, the Ultimate Princess, or Gundham Tanaka, the Ultimate Breeder. They're both into dark occult stuff. They're also in the same class as Chiaki and Ryota. I think they're pretty close friends, so if you find one you'll probably find the other not far off.

"Princess!?" Hiro repeats, his eyes widening. "There's a princess at this school!?"

"As amazingly cool as that is-" Leon says, trying to bring them back on topic. "-this Gundham dude....Why would a...breeder know about occult bullshit?"

"The same reason a princess would?" Hiro mutters under his breath.

Chihiro furrows his brow in thought, the small boy looking very worried. "W-well, Mukuro did say it had nothing to do with his talent." He reminds them. "So perhaps it's a hobby of his?"

"Well, regardless, this is all we have to go on, and you guys havent been wrong yet!" Leon says determinedly, flashing the spirits a grin. "Since Mukuro specifically said 'he', we should check up on this Gundham weirdo first. So hurry the hell up, Hiro! Look up this Gundham guy!"

The clairvoyant nods and does as he was told, looking up a picture of Gundham Tanaka. When he finds one he stares at it in surprise. "This...this guy works with animals?" He asks, stunned.

Leon looks over his friend's shoulder and raises a brow. "Damn. Yeah, he looks more like an Ultimate Clairvoyant than you do! He obviously seems to be embracing the occult for a start!"

This earns the ghost a glare, but Hiro quickly shakes his head and returns his phone to his pocket. "Well, whatever. We know what he looks like, so let's go to his dorm."

As he begins making his way there, Chihiro frowns. "You know, the fact that Mukuro knows about this Gundham means she and Junko must have been studying him, or at the very least his class." He points out. "Which would make sense considering how much of her plan revolves around 77-B." His face saddens. "Poor guys. It's bad enough Junko put us, her classmates and friends through something like a killing game, but to basically torture a whole other class?"

"Its sick." Leon agrees, his eyes narrowed angrily. "She's sick."

Hiro simply nods in response, a frown on his face as he walks. Suddenly, he freezes in place. "Wait, what about Hajime?!" He asks. "I was supposed to meet up with him and-"

"That can wait a minute!" Leon interrupts him. "If we dont hurry and stop Mukuro, who the hell knows what could happen!"

Hiro nods in understanding, breaking out into a sprint towards the dorms, causing a brown haired boy in a Reserve Course uniform to look up and give him an annoyed look as he passed.

~~~

Hiro was thankfully able to find Gundham's room with relative ease. As he stands in front of the Ultimate Breeder's door, he hesitates.

"Dude, what's the hold up?" Leon asks impatiently.

Hiro frowns and begins picking at his skin. "Its just...the energy surrounding this room...its...really heavy and...dark..." He mutters.

Leon groans and rolls his eyes. "Oh for the love of-Hurry the hell up!" He snaps.

Hiro sighs and nods, reaching a hand up and knocking on the door.

A quiet exchange of voices could be heard along with some shuffling until the door is opened.

"Who dares disturb the Overlord of-"

The boy behind the door stops when he sees Hiro. The two lock eyes, and a wave of energy courses through the clairvoyant.

The extravagantly dressed man before Hiro stares at him for a moment more before he smirks. "Heh. I had thought the dark lady and myself were the only ones dabbling in the forbidden arts, but I can sense they run through your veins as well."

Hiro blinks in surprise at the guy's strange speech patterns. "Uh...i-if by 'forbidden arts' you mean fortune telling, then yeah!" Hiro finally responds, forcing a smile onto his face. "My names Yasuhiro Hagakure. I'm the Ultimate Clairvoyant!"

The other man lets out an impressed hum. "Clairvoncy, hm? Then have your visions sent you to my side for the aid of my dark powers?!" He suddenly poses in a strange way, and Hiro blinks in confusion.

"Uh...y-yeah. More or less. Youre... Gundham Tanaka, right?" He asks, scratching his head as he begins to regret coming here.

Gundham's smirk widens as he nods. "My reputation of course precedes me. Indeed, that is my name! GUNDHAM TANAKA!" The...eccentric fellow bellows out his name, cause Chihiro to flinch slightly.

Leon rolls his eyes. "Dear Lord this guy is gonna be annoying." He mutters.

Hiro gives a subtle nod in agreement before forcing the smile onto his face again. "Well, great! Do you, uh, mind if I come in, Gundham?'

Gundham shakes his head and steps to the side. "But of course not! A fellow user of the dark arts is always welcome in my abode!" He declares. "Although my Third Eye has failed me, for I did not forsee your visit." The breeder suddenly blushes, catching Hiro even more off guard as the man attempts to hide the flush by raising his scarf over his face. "I currently have...company over. The dark princess, Sonia Nevermind. But do not fear! I am training her to be my apprentice, so you need not hold your tongue with anything you must tell me!" He declares with finality as he turns with a flourish and walks into his room.

Hiro stands still for a moment longer, sharing an unsure look with Leon and Chihiro, before following the breeder into his room and closing the door behind him.

The dark atmosphere Hiro had felt from outside the door was tripled the moment he took a step inside, and he shivered. Gundham's room was dark, light blotting curtains hung at the windows that allowed the only light inside the room to be the many lit candles that were scattered around. There was a bookcase against one of the walls, and on it several heavy looking leather cased books.

"Well I guess we found the right guy." Leon mutters.

Hiro nods in agreement as he continues scanning the environment. His gaze stops at something that seemed out of place. A brightly colored hamster cage where four happy looking hamster were currently rested inside.

"Well, he is the Ultimate Breeder." Hiro thinks to himself. "I guess it would be more weird if there wasnt anything animal related here."

"Oh, Gundham! You have company!" A sweet, feminine voice speaks up, causing Yasuhiro to turn his head in its direction. He couldnt help but stare. There was a beautiful blonde girl, sat upon Gundham's bed.

"Indeed I do, dark mistress." Gundham confirms, coming to a stop in front of the hamster cage. He opens the lid and places some treats inside, the four critters skittering over to them and eating them hungrily. "He says his name is Yasuhiro." A grin spreads on his face as he turns from his four pets. "He is also a user of the arts."

The girl, who Hiro assumes to be Sonia Nevermind, gasps and clasps her hands together excitedly. "Really?!" She exclaims happily. "There is another one at the school?!"

"It indeed seems that way, Sonia." The breeder confirms, his gaze going to Hiro. "He says he is a clairvoyant, and that he received a vision that called him to me."

Sonia gasps and looks to Hiro as well. "Is that so? Then please! I insist you inform us of the details of your vision at once!"

For some reason Hiro felt extremely compelled to bow towards the upperclasswoman and the need to hurry with the explanation. He blinks and clears his throat, attempting to calm his nerves. "R-right. Well, it's a long...and, well, pretty unbelievable story if I'm being honest." He sighs before continuing. "But I swear to you, Buddha, Gandhi, Mother Earth or whatever deity you believe in its true.

It started when my classmate Junko Enoshima came to me, asking me to read her future...."

~~~

"...and then Mukuro mentioned someone else with knowledge of...occult stuff." Hiro finishes explaining, holding back the urge to explain his distaste for the occult. "And the spirits mentioned it could be one of you two." He looks between Sonia and Gundham, both of which look extremely surprised. "And since Mukuro said 'he' we went to your room first." He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. "So...yeah. We wanted to make sure Mukuro's ghost...future ghost...didnt come here and find something she could use."

Gundham stares at the clairvoyant for a while, seemingly at a loss for words. Finally he clears his throat. "Well...that certainly is...quite the ordeal." The breeder recovers quickly, a grin forming on his face as he poses. "However you are in luck! I am quite skilled in this department, and while I cannot see your apparitions-" He walks over to his bookshelf and shifts through the many books before letting out a soft 'ah ha!' and pulling out a rather large one. He flips through it before placing his finger on a page. He then begins muttering something, which causes Hiro to frown and shift uncomfortably.

Gundham's eyes close, and a soft wind suddenly blows through the room, despite there being no open window. When he opens his eyes, he meets Hiro's eyes. They then shift over to Leon and Chihiro, his grin turning to a smirk.

"Ah ha! Hello there, fiends!" He looks over to see the shimmering outlines of the unknown spirits. "And to you as well."

Hiro's eyes widen in surprise. "You...you can see them?!"

"Of course!" Gundham boasts, slamming the book shut with one hand. "Did you believe these tombs were for show?!"

Hiro holds his tongue.

"Now I can be of more help to you and your miss-" He stops, his gaze slowly moving over to his bookshelf. He narrows his eyes. "....I assume this is the fiendish ghoul you mentioned."

Hiro blinks before following his gaze. His eyes widen further. There, looking through the books, was Mukuro's ghost.

Gundham Tanaka can now hear you! He is open for questions!

A/N: I hope things arent getting too crazy lol. I promise everything has a purpose! Supernatural stuff is canon in Danganronpa, and its especially important in this AU, so please bare with me lmao

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[euphoriacrossing]

The closer we get the more my anxiety plays up...

What if I can't keep up with my journal that I worked so hard on?

What if I mess up something I can't change on my island? (I don't WANT to have to reset, but if it's the first day i will... i don't want to have to reset two or three days in because i change my mind about something...)

And the bigger ones.... I've been so tired I can barely stay awake two or three hours at a time. I can't do a whole lot of recreational things because I'm asleep. Right now I'm attributing it to depression, but I am going to ask my oncologist if maybe the meds could cause it (the meds I DID stop, but thay messed with my hormones anyway) or if the slight bit of anemia I have could cause it maybe? What if I am not awake enough to fully enjoy the game?

I go to the oral surgeon I think for a consultation to get some teeth pulled, what if he wants to do it anytime soon after the game is out? Will it mess with my enjoybility to have that kind of procedure? (Last time I had teeth out... my wisdom teeth I did very poorly, I got two dry sockets and was in some of the worst pain... I was LUCKY to be able to sleep as much as I did, because the pain was awful. And I followed instructions, so I don't know if I am more prone to those kinds of things or if it was the fact he didn't tell me to stop my birth control or what... but it was bad. And now I have a much higher tolerance to pain meds and will have to use the ones I'm ON so they'll be less effective probably. I'll die if I get a dry socket. Pain tolerance, mine is high until you get to my mouth and then I'm an absolute crybaby.) So say he wants to do it the Monday after... will I be out of commission to play for two weeks or more while I recover? I know this sounds more important, but to me the game is important, too. I want to be able to put in at least some work daily for quite a while so I can create a beautiful island at the same time others who start on the 20th are. So it may not seem like a huge deal, but it is to me okay? Enough of a huge deal for my anxiety to use it against me.

Those are just examples though. I have an anxiety disorder which in past years has become more generalized and entwined with my bipolar symptoms. So I am in no short supply of things related to the 20th to be anxious about.

I wish I could just be happy. And I mean, I am. We have less than a week and I'll be playing a game that is 7 years in the making for those of us that play Animal Crossing. I've been waiting with baited breath probably more than a year, to the point where when Pokemon Sw/Shld came out it was just a distraction instead of the main event, at that point I was already craving New Horizons desperately. And here we are nearly at the end of our waiting, I am happy, don't get me wrong.

But my mind never just let's me be happy.

What if I am too late to make friends in the first few days like I've planned? Everyone else seems to already have their friendships, but I knew I couldn't keep up with a friendship that long. So here is the week to make friends, and I don't feel I know how, or I feel like most people already have their friends. I have maybe two people besides my sister to play with. And I'm excited for that. But I'd love to be included in a larger group of friends or something, you know, that sort of thing is nice. If I only have a few close friends though, that'd be nice too. And i think the first few days it seems people might just be playing on their own, i don't always NEED someone to play with, I'll probably prefer to play alone, or maybe with my sister mostly, or just my close friend when I play. But it's just i guess i expected to use this opportunity to make more friends and now i feel i am wasting it. I don't often have such an "easy way" to make friends because I am disinterested in most things and just don't have a lot to talk about. This common interest is an amazing thing to talk about and should make things easier, but it doesn't as much as I hoped I guess.

What if I don't finish my journal? I worked so hard on it, but i need my dad's help with the label maker and need to finalize the decisions about what I'm going to record in it before I do make the labels. It can still be changed later because I am using labels on plastic tabs and a discbound journal but what if I don't have time once i'm playing?

Ugh. Just all the "what ifs". And I know some people will think "why'd she bother making this post?" Well random person, it does help to get them out in the open. Since most everything I have been thinking has been AC related lately, this has turned into a bit of a personal blog. Sorry for that. I do plan to make it a New Horizons blog and post as much original content as I can once ACNH is out.

Oh another one. What if posting original content is too hard?

Like, I want this blog to have original content and all that, but if you have to remove your memory card and get on a computer to do it, that's a lot of trouble and extra energy I don't have these days. And you had to do that for New Leaf and everyone did including myself, but I had more energy and it seemed easier. And it seems like it was less effort those days because people DID THINGS on the computer including myself. Now I use my phone and ipad as computers, you can do almost all the same things on them, and my laptop sits idle which might be the reason it doesn't run as well these days. Or it may just be that it's old as crap for a laptop. I mean, I guess it's moderately old for what it is, it's a very nice laptop, but I think it's the same one I had for New Leaf so it's been with me a while. Anyway, it SEEMED like less trouble because you were on the computer doing stuff anyway, so just pop your memory card in there and go while you're checking your stuff. It's not that easy on a phone, BUT I am hoping you can post photos and screenshots to SOMETHING through the Nooklink app. We don't know everything about the app yet as it isnt out yet, and I doubt you can post straight to tumblr (though that'd make things easy, huh?) because this is not the most used platform anymore, but if I can post them to anywhere (like facebook or twitter... I'd probably post them privately to facebook because I am less versed in twitter stuff, but then I did recently become an AC twitter on my personal twitter because I never used my personal twitter anyway, so... yeah...) I can grab them on my phone once they are uploaded and reupload them here. But I also plan to make my "diary like" text posts here. I am not recording a diary in my journal having to do with NH, I only want like... data and information I can use, etc. But that doesn't mean I won't want to write diary like entries, and I am less likely to lose my blog that a physical journal anyway it feels. (I say less likely... I lost my New Leaf blog for a few years there, but with effort I did recently find it.) So it could be very easy to post original content here, or if the app doesn't do things it really totally should, then it might be a bit more effort and I don't know if I have that to give right now, so I'm nervous about that. Everything I post here about my game experience is going to be more for me to look back on than anything, so I WANT to be able to post about that stuff here. But I guess we'll have to wait to see, along with waiting for the game.

And everyone knows how well waiting and anxiety get along. They are two peas in a pod, they play off each other like it's no one's business.

But I hope everything in the end will just be okay. I am "lucky" in a way. Since I'm chronically ill, disabled, and have cancer, I don't have work or school to worry about and while being sick is a big bummer, that does take a lot of stress off of me. I don't know how I would handle a job or school even just mentally these days, I don't see how it could go well and I guess that is because I am so sick, even just mentally... but I know a lot of disabled people DO still do those things anyway, sometimes because they HAVE to, so I am glad I am in a position at my age where I am still largely take care of. My disability money doesn't cover a fraction of my necessities, so I feel blessed everyday for my parents, even though my mom and I fight like cats and dogs. Annnndddd now I am getting to be anxious about what happens to me when my parents are gone and that's a WHOLE different type of anxiety... yikes... I need to stop letting my anxiety run rampant now I guess, it's gone too far.

But I am very "lucky" to be in a position where once the game comes out it can be my main focus for a while. Partially because i don't have the energy to focus on many different things, so it's good Animal Crossing can take up that main spot in my life for now.

Come on now, back to AC anxieties. Ya stupid general anxiety...

And I guess I am anxious about the typical things people are anxious about... what fruit will I get, will I like my first Islanders, etc. but to me those things arent as major. All the fruits are so pretty I could really get on with any of them I think, and hopefully my first villagers will be great, but I'll make myself a net if they're not, and I do have amiibo cards for moving in some of my favorite villagers later on, so I can deal with a dud or two.

I'm a little anxious about map layouts too, just picking the right one seems a little difficult to me since there are some things you cannot change. But I think I can make a good choice, I'm more worried if I'll be able to draw it in for my journal or not. I should draw the general layout for the map, but I don't even know if I can do that right.

Oh I also have a package to finish working on and get in the mail before Friday, BUT I finished the hardest parts (writing a bunch of postcards, basically a latter's worth of text but on postcards) last night, so I just have to do finishing touches and get it out. I maybe want to type another letter to send out, too, but if I don't get it done I'll try not to beat myself up. I got really burnt out on mail stuff lately and as much as I still get, which is about one or two things in the mail daily, I can't reply to all the things I should. I'm stressed about it, but I won't let that ruin my New Horizons time. Especially since mail was supposed to be a fun hobby for me and just... stopped. But that's a whole different thing, that has less to do with New Horizons than the other stuff.

Now I genuinely do feel less stressed since I rambled on for a while. Thanks for reading this, if you read any of it. I don't expect anyone to read all this anxiety inducing, depressing junk.

But anyway, now I am going to try and think about the Nooklink app and what kind of features I think it should have. Like I said, it really should have a way to post screenshots/pictures to social media, and I bet it's got something like that since we have the camera in game. I bet we maybe even can post pictures to social media from the switch. I mean, well, I know we can technically, but I mean I bet we can without having to leave the game. Because you can do that in New Leaf now. Gosh would that have been handy YEARS ago. I guess it came with the "welcome amiibo" update?

But at least we know we can scan in QR codes. I dunno if you've noticed but I have been collecting some and tagging them (you can find them under the "QR" tag on my blog, or by type of QR code, likes dresses I just tagged "dress") so I have them once we are able to use them in game. I am going to check my @playtimewithmadi blog to see if I have QR codes saved that I used in New Leaf, too, so I can reblog any good ones here. All of that gives me something to do, I suppose.

I could also work on my journal, or my mail. Both need to get done before Friday and need work.

But honestly, I am probably gonna play Happy Home Designer right now. I'll design at least one house, and then maybe I'll work on my mail and journal stuff. We'll see.

Anyway, thanks again for sticking with me, I love everyone who stays subbed to this blog even though the BS posts like this. Sorry for rambling on, but I needed this, so thank you for letting me have it.

Off to more distraction then...

[wwounu]

mafia!jeonghan “YOON” #11

↻ masterlist — intro￤s.coups￤yoon￤hong￤wen￤hoshi￤jeon￤woozi￤dk￤kim￤xu￤boo￤chwe￤lee

traitor

member of Venor Unit

his role is more of a spy, however jeonghan likes the term ‘traitor’ more than anything

there are many rumours about him

only a handful have been picked to be debunked as true or false

for years he’s still been rumoured whether or not hes a member of seventeen

surprise surprise, he is

and the story of how he was recruited was one he’d never forget

because who would forget his missing nineteen-year old childhood friend climbing up to the top of his penthouse, at 1:27 in the morning, and suddenly break and walk into your bedroom like it’s no big deal?

in other words, he wasn’t pleased to see his dearest seungcheol

his friend was talking about all sorts of nonsense the moment he startled awake: japan, gangs, tattoos,, bad haircuts,,, poisoned ice cream??

this wasnt the seungcheol he remembered

so with mixed feelings, jeonghan told seungcheol to crash on his bed while jeonghan would take the couch and asking seungcheol to take a shower because he looked like he came back from a fight with a shark

when morning came seungcheol was trying to explain jeonghan about the wonderful complicated world of mafia business

but jeonghan had none of it — it sounded unreal

on top of that he was more fussed over seungcheol leaving for two years and not telling his own friend about it

with all this anger building inside him, mainly due to the stress of trying to get his head around this whole... thing, he told seungcheol to leave and go back home

seungcheol gave a look at him, a hard look, before he sighed and stormed out of the place

jeonghan didnt miss the small ‘no one ever stops to listen to someone like me’ under seungcheol’s breath

and never in their friendship they brought light upon their many differences, so it kinda tugged on jeonghan’s heartstrings

it saddened him knowing he didn’t give the welcome his friend wanted but at the time he thought he was in the right

then for the next two weeks, seungcheol was desperately trying to get jeonghan to join his ‘mafia’

(mafia in asteriks, because jeonghan wasn’t having any of his bullshit)

through messages, messy letters, he even received a collection post-it notes stuck around his penthouse without traces of who did this even though he fully knew well who it was 

and that night jeonghan was paranoid that seungcheol would randomly break in again

then the desperation for help stopped for the next month

although jeonghan did enjoy the attention from his best friend and wanted to continue this ‘fun’ game, he began to grow concerned

his best friend disappeared without a trace. again.

the cope was harder to deal with this time, because the insignificant thought about seungcheol truly being a mafia boss was becoming the host of his nightmares

you best believed the utter shock on his face when he saw seungcheol sat beside his door around midnight

hood up, dirty head to toe and one nasty cut on his lip and cheek

jeonghan was supposed to go to a party, but that priority was ignored straight away

he takes seungcheol in, aiding the cuts before doing anything else

as jeonghan would expect from the man, seven year old seungcheol would be screaming ugly noises with snot running down along his tears

but this other seungcheol didn’t flinch at the pressure of the alcohol touching his skin, and looked in every direction to avoid jeonghan

that — thankfully — hadn’t changed

seungcheol always payed attention to his surroundings when he doesnt want to be in a situation. it happened a lot with his father

so jeonghan asks why he looks like shit

and all the anxieties rush to his brain as the thought of his lash of anger to seungcheol caused the latter to end up like this

questions like when did he last eat?, where did he stay?, did i do this?

but seungcheol started explaining himself

something about these high schoolers ganging up on a sixteen year old in their school because of his looks, seungcheol stood up for this said ‘sixteen year old’ and found the four-against-one fight fair play until they brought out knives and seungcheol was like youve got to be kidding me

and suddenly, one thing led to another and the sixteen year old lit a tree on fire???? and he lifted a stray branch, took out a lighter, then lit it before storming to the high schoolers with a maniac-like look on his face

and the kid was then gone as he chased the high schoolers away

seungcheol had never been more confused

but he had to get out as there was still the,,, burning tree there,,,,,,

and when he finished his story, he paused, falling silent again and sort of bitterly saying ‘sorry, half of the things i say sound unbelievable now’

and jeonghan is a bit offended but he wasn’t going to push seungcheol away yet again

so jeonghan tells him that he believes him and at first seungcheol kept arguing that he’s bluffing for his sake

surprised, jeonghan reassures him again and again to get it through seungcheol’s head that he’s going to join him because he’s going through a hard time, anyone can see that

remaining silent, seungcheol nods before he manages out a thanks

they apologise and forgive each other, and later that night seungcheol tells everything — and i mean everything — about his family and the mafia

it was a heavy night for seungcheol

which brings us to today

since jeonghan was born into a rich family, it made seungcheol’s job way more easier than it was as jeonghan had higher class connections with others while his friend kept lowkey

he can have news alerted to him quickly like updates on parties, social events, scandals, some juicy affairs here and there, all that corrupt high-society crap

and he gets the odd word about some mafias in korea, making it his duty to report all of it back to seungcheol

with seungcheol’s command, he does whatever he instructs him to do, which is to spy on any updates of the situation

hence why he’s always out at fancy social-events

its truly a bore though. he’d rather sleep in

you may think he’s just acting naive most of the time — but he’s listening to every word and every moment he can sink in all around him

the highlight of the night is when everyone gets drunk, which is the perfect time to hear their dark secrets and use his sweet-talk

effortlessly finds a way to manipulate his way to invite himself and seventeen, who’d he’d call associates, to any banquet whenever he senses dirty work will commence

his pretty-boy looks usually do the trick ‘seventeen’s pretty boy’, the group calls him

makes the time to take care of the member’s schedules and invitations to these places, even going to the extent to make replica invitations

creates a plan of how the members enter so that they wouldn’t be seen together and raise eyebrows

particularly during these events, other suspicious men try to keep a close eye on jeonghan due to the rumours of his relation to the seventeen mafia

yet they’re wasting their time because he’s never in one place and socialises with many people

often when he strays on his own, he explores the area and wanders from room after room to find anything else valuable

normally reports to wonwoo what he finds through an earpiece

‘i found a diary’

‘youre going to open it arent you’

‘risqué, she keeps a taser and a ton of money in her lingerie set’

‘dont take the money’

‘wasnt going to’

‘jeonghan drop the roll of money right now’

‘... fine’

‘okay’

‘i took the taser instead!’

did i mention that he needs to ‘borrow’ a belonging as his souvenir for the places he visits

and because of junhui, he has semi-mastered the skill to hide all evidence

also pretty much hates it when he’s rushed, needs to take his tiem with everything (excluding when they’re in grave danger then that’s different)

mouth runs a lot so when he really needs information to be spilt, he exposes other lowkey scandals to get the information he needs

this is where he gets his traitor title from

if he’s framed as a traitor, he turns the tables around and either puts the blame on someone else or on the person calling him a traitor

he’s grown up in this corrupt class and knows all the dirty ins and outs of it

when he feels like he’s being interrogated to spill information, he takes control of the conversation and does subtle things like asking for things usually pouting when doing so or complimenting on one thing before discussing something completely off topic

he can never expose seventeen and will never expose them even if he’s dying 

another off-topic fact, he calls people babe a lot

mainly because it makes people feel a certain way, but its jeonghan’s self-acclaimed magic word

that word does things

is also a part of A Team, but due to the fact jeonghan is always busy, they dont work together as often as they used to

looking at soonyoung, wonwoo and jeonghan, you wouldn’t think of them to be that close but they’ve had history

out of all of seventeen, he’s the weakest in terms of weaponry since he’s basically just a informant to seventeen

therefore his choice of weapon are usually used by the closest thing to him

prefers glass as his choice of weapon if he had to choose, so because of this minghao frequently gives him smashed wine bottles for jeonghan’s use

a bit of a brat

but seventeen never mentions it

loves seeing people beg in front of him, especially when theyre desperate

this might be because he likes attention on him

teasing and poking fun at them gives him the greatest joy, it leaves him so satisfied but also wanting more

normally after difficult jobs done by the whole group, when Perficio Unit are clearing up the last of the evidence and killing the last of their suffering enemies, jeonghan skips in to take a wonder around too

Perficio Unit let him because its jeonghan

blood is soaked everywhere, many men are on the floor, some dead, possibly not, and their fancy suits all ruined while the four males finishing the job play jazz music on blast as they take care of the remains

just another job for seventeen

and jeonghan inspects each face, making sure the fear is their eyes while theyre slowly dying from blood loss. if they arent, then jeonghan pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it at them, getting the reaction he wants

(the gun was full of blanks anyway, what’s there to be scared about??)

decides to steal a wristwatch from one of the men and gets told off by the unit because they now have to get rid of jeonghan’s dirty fingerprints for stealing the accessory

loves it even more when Perficio Unit are in the middle of an interrogation (on most occasions they lead the questioning) back in their hideout and pops down to see how their ever-so suffering victim is hanging in there

generally summoned down if 1. wonwoo is busy or 2. they need the victim to speak a bit more

jeonghan doesn’t play once he comes down — but its inevitable that he’ll make sure that he gets the satisfaction that he wants from the person held captive

will stay until theyre sweating and crying in a mix of blood and tears and they are begging in front of his feet while tied up. he wont stop the torture unless the person confesses truthfully to what Perficio Unit ask and feel numb around their whole body that it hurts

uses the taser he stole in addition to let the pain sink in even more, also decorated the taser to have stickers of a halo and wings to look like an angel

when they get the answer they want, it’s a job well done for jeonghan

and when the victim thinks its all over, jeonghan sweetly grins one last time to them, turning foot because, really, he cannot do anything to the poor soul

he shrugs and walks, searching in his back pocket for a gun a filled one this time, twirling it around his fingers before handing it to one of the unit members

without skipping a beat, he smiles, whispering ‘enjoy’ and leaving them to do their job

needs the members as much as the members needs him

a perfect balance

“Somebody said it means imperfection and danger”

[wings-of-a-storm]

LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2

Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the  frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.

I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...

Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.

OPEN GANG WARFARE

I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.

A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)

Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.

I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.

Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.

It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…

I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...

ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.

So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.

Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!

And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...

Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...

But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.

No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.

Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).

What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.

So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.

(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)

LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.

it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”

When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...

(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)

Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?

I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.

Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...

And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?

And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.

It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.

What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…

LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF

We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.

In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.

At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.

And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.

Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!

The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.

And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…

I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.

I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.

LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM

Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.

When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!

And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…

A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…

What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.

This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.

Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3

[hypmicscenarios]

Anime Attraction

3.K words

A/N: High School au. Fic with ichiro, you two slowly falling in love over the span of a 4 day convention and bonding over the fact that you’re closeted weebs. (So he would like tdd era ichiro) And again! I use neutral pronouns! hope you enjoy~

Day 1: You were very excited, happy, elated, every happy word in the book! This year, you were finally going to your first anime convention. Unfortunately, you were a bit of a closeted weeb. People knew you watched anime….just not your extreme obssession with it. Maybe extreme was too harsh for you case, but you were sure that would be the situation if they ever saw your room, filled with anime posters, merch, etc.However, those were all bought online or in stores….youve never actually been to a convention.

Online, you heard many good things about it, and that people there, for the most part, were friendly. You smiled as you got off the train, an empty backpack on your bag, besides essentials, inside an empty tote bag for you posters. You had planned for this for months. Saving up all the money you could from your allowances. Your wallet, besides money for the train and food to eat, was going to be completely emptied by the end of the day. Finally, you took your jacket off, revealing a ( favorite anime) anime shirt on your person. One of your favorites. You could never choose. You could talk about it for days. However….it was Under rated. It was also a bit old...and you were late to watch it, so the fandom dwindled down.

You were amazed as you saw many cosplays, a bit too nervous to ask for pictures, or even compliment them, but you hoped they received your compliments in spirit….something like that. It was….also really big and crowded. You got too into your head, overthinking a bunch of things, that you didn’t see the larger man in front of you, hitting his back.

“O-oh im sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” you said, bowing quickly. You looked up at the man, gulping, quickly taken aback by how pretty he was, different colored eyes, red and green. It almost seemed like he was in cosplay, but he was just wearing a naruto shirt with black jeans on, a naruto headband around his forehead.

Ichiro blinked and smiled,”no need to apologize, I was kind of standing here in the middle of everyone anyway,”his eyes went down to your shirt and his eyes sparkled,”wait….thats a (favorite anime) isnt it! Whose your favorite character?”, he asked. You were taken aback about how eager and happy he seemed, but it definitely managed to make you relax a bit.

“My favorite character is [     ],”you said, stating your reasoning,”oh- sorry….I didn’t mean to talk that long,” Ichiro chuckled,”thats fine, I love them too! For mostly the same reasons, theyre kind of cool. This is my first convention so Im excited its going off to great start, thanks.”

Oh? It was his first time as well? “Its my first time too, I came here alone, I didn’t expect to be this big, theres so many people.” Ichiro nodded,”Im here by myself too, are you here all four days?” You nodded. “If you dont mind it, we can walk around together, ah! Sorry if thats a bit too forward….”,he trailed off. To be honest, Ichiro was a closeted weeb. So he had no one to talk to, let alone drag to a con. “Oh no, Um, its fine. I would like that...even though I know everyone here loves anime….”,you trailed off, the guy, whose name you still didn’t know, finished your thought,”because theres so many people conversing and being you feel like everyone already has their own cliques and you realize youre alone.”

Well. That. Yes that. You smiled,”Yeah, its that, and my nerves and anxiety.”

Ichiro stuck his hand out,”Yamada Ichiro, 2nd year high school student in Ikebukuro. Nice to meet you.”

“ l/n, f/n, also 2nd year in a high school located in yokohama, nice to meet you”m you said and shook his hand. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Day 2:

The first day, the two of you had walked around, played games, went to panels together, learning much more about each other. You agreed to meetup at the same place in the morning. Of course, you were even more excited than you were yesterday. You were dressed in more casual clothing, but backpack was now decorated with buttons you found. Soon, you heard your name being called out and waved your hand,”Good Morning Yamada-san”, you said, greeting him.

Ichiro smiled and spoke,”Morning! Did you sleep well?”, he asked.  You shook your head in disagreement,”I barely got any sleep, I was excited for today.” Ichiro laughed,”so did I, so what should we do today?”,he said, taking out the convention program guide. “Hmmmm, theres a bunch of panels,”you said, going to the side of him and looking at the program,”how to successfully master naruto hand signs….”,you trailed off. They really….had a panel for everything.

Ichiro’s face lit up,” that sounds cool, want to go? Although I already know a couple…”,he said, and you laughed,”what? You going to become the next hokage Yamada-san?”, you teased a bit, but he went along with it, of course he did. You found out about this from yesterday. That he was like this. “I am gonna be next hokage, just believe it!”, he said.

“Thats naruto’s punchline you cant just steal it,” you said, watching Ichiro as he thought, then spoke again, very excitedly,”Im going to be next hokage, because I said so!”, he said, putting out a thumb. For some reason, it had you laughing a lot,”b-bbecause you said so? Ahahaha, well, you sure have a passion like naruto, I think thats all you need, its cute”, you said, realizing that you had just called the other cute.

Ichiro blushed and put his hand behind his back,”Sorry...I just cant be like this a lot in real life without getting teased for it, so its a bit refreshing,”he said and you nodded,, understanding completely.

“Well, lets go learn some jutstus even though they wont help against a gun but who cares, because its an anime convention, and we’re doing what we love,”you said confidently, more confident than you would expect from yourself.  Ichiro nodded,”Dattebayo, lets go!”, he saidm turning around and walking. You were really having too much fun. Being attracted to him went way over your head for now, simply enjoying the time the two of you spent together.

Later on in the day, the two of you found an anime photo booth, Ichiro dragging you by the arm towards it,”for memories!”, he said. The two of you got in and hit the naruto theme poses. Of course, you indulged him, he was cute when he got his way. And, you didn’t have to worry about poses. Instead, they gave you poses to do.

The first was a naruto sign for any jutsu, the second peace signs, the third you had to stick your tongues at each other, seeming annoyed, and the last one….got you. It was only a hug, but they way Ichiro hugged you quickly and tightly, pushing both of your faces together, eft you shocked, and you were sure the picture didn’t turn out well. Once you got out and looked at it, Ichiro pointed to last one,”its like you were trying so hard not to blink, but we’re cute, arent we?”,he said and you laughed:yea we really are”, you replied, more focused on the current pace of your heart...beating very rapidly. You paid for two copies so you could keep it. The rest of the day, you two kept up your shenanigans. It was tough leaving, but you were going to come back tomorrow and, hopefully, your heart would learn to behave.

Day 3:

The two of you sat down to eat lunch on the third day, already having gone through a couple activities.

“Theres Jiro, then theres Saburo, and Saburo is the oldest. We’re all pretty close but Saburo and Jiro always fight a lot, typical sibling stuff…..and a lot of the times it includes me. I keep telling them I dont have favorites but they never listen,”Ichiro sighed with a smile on his face. It wasn’t an exhausted sigh though, he was used to it, it was just how they worked.

You smiled as he rambled on about his brothers. It was very clear that he cherished the both of them dearly and would do anything for them. “That must be nice….Im an only child so I could never relate to these type of things. Thats why I got into anime really, theres was no one that I could play with at the snap of a finger if I wanted to-oh Im not sad about it or anything, I love anime, it was really there for me in trying times, plus the internet.”

Ichiro nodded and then spoke,”Well, you have me now too, and you can be as passionate as you want, no holding back. You have my number now and its already fun texting you when we’re not at the convention.”  He was right. After you guys left, you were quickly texting each other at home before you went to sleep. You sent each other memes,pictures, and talked about a bunch of different topics, that often you had smiling or laughing at your phone.

At that point….you knew had a crush. It was only two days but he was just so…..it was the little things really, not just the fact that you had anime in common. When you were walking through the convention center, going through a massive crowd, he told you to hold onto his jacket, so you wouldn’t get lost. Or how he quickly offered to help hold your stuff when you were buying merchandise. Or even him talking about how much he loves his brothers. Rather than weird, it was insanely cute to you.

It wasnt love per say…..well. Lets be real. You were a sucker when it came to love. Honestly, you dont even feel like counting how many crushes you had but none of those ever came to fruition.  You should just focus on your anime boys but the moment some other boy is even the slightest bit kind to you, like helping you carry books, your heart falls. Despite that though, you felt like this was different. More than just a couple simple acts of kindness.

“Im really enjoying our time here, we’re going to the cosplay masquerade today right? We still have some time to kill, want to go to the game hall?”, you asked,”then we can see which one of us is better at dance dance revolution.” Ichiro smiled and nodded his head,”Yeah! Youre on!”

After that, the two of you managed to spend all of your time in the hall. Ichiro was by a claw machine and you commented,”I suck at these things,”then looked inside, seeing what plushies they had. “I think im pretty decent,”Ichiro said, walking up,”sometimes I won stuff for saburo when I was little...he grew out of it though,”Ichiro said with a laugh.He wanted to try it.

“Good Luck Yamada-kun!”, you said, cheering him on. You were amazed by how focused he looked. “Do you want anything specific?”,he asked you. “Wait, me?”, you said, trying to clarify. Ichiro laughed,”I think you’re the only l/n here,”he said. That...kind of caught you off guard. But you walked up and placed your hands against the glass. “Ummmm, that cat in the middle is kind of cute.”

Ichiro nodded. The first time, he managed to pick the plushie up for about three seconds before it fell, but that was better than what you could do! The second time, he managed to grab it again, your eyes wide in anticipation as you followed the claw and plushie to the drop off slot. “Oh my god, you did it!”,you said, going to high five both of Ichiro’s hands but, instead of letting go, he held them and put them down,”Yeah I did! Guess I didn’t lose my skill after all.” “Yeah...youre amazing”, you said, trying to not comment on the fact that he was still holding both of your hands. God….your heart was a mess. There was no denying you fell for him. At most, it was very high like at this point.

Day 4:

Ichiro was excited to see you again. Well, half-excited and half-sad. He really liked hanging out with you. More often than not, he found himself thinking about how you look best when theres a smile on your face. So, he always did dumb things to make you smile, no matter how stupid it may have looked. Maybe it was because you didn’t think his obsession was weird. When you guys talked, your interests lined up more than he thought they would. It was perfect.

Of course, he eventually figured out that he’d want to see you, in a more romantic context, that it is. He knew his feelings towards you were different. Honestly, he even weirdly got a little bit jealous when you mentioned how hot a specific anime character was. Ichiro didn’t necessarily plan on confessing that day….but who knows how things would turn out. Yes, it had only been three days, but he felt like he knew you already. Really, you guys always messaged each other.

The conversations would go dull for an hour or so but one link to a meme and that sparked a conversation that continued for a while. It was great. He had never felt so validated.

“L/n-san! Hey, morning!”,he said as he walked up to you. You looked like you were thinking hard about something, but Ichiro didn’t comment on it.

In fact, you were. Thinking about how you wouldn’t be able to see him so frequently. It made you….sadder than you expected. Granted you could travel to see him, but it was also due to the fact that it was the last day of the convention. Here, you could be yourselves without glancing over you shoulder every couple seconds in fear that someone you knew would spot you.  It was so much fun, especially because of him!

Its for the best though….your funds were just about dried out. You couldn’t help but smile as you saw him though,”hey, good morning to you too, ready for the last day?” Ichiro laughed,”Yes and No because this has been very exciting.” You nodded in agreement,”it has, it does suck that we cant experience this everyday.”

“well!”,Ichiro clapped his hands,”lets not worry about that and focus on having fun, okay?” Your smile got wider,”yes, okay!” Ichiro spoke,”Datteba-”, then he pointed towards you,”Yo!”, you said, the two of you giggling. This had become your thing now, apparently, but you two werent used to it, hence you laughing off you embarrassment.

You went to the artist alley and exhibit hall one last time, taking a lot more pictures together than usual, even with cosplayers! Ichiro helped you out a lo with expressing that you wanted pictures with them and that was yet another thing that you loved about him. Without even asking him to do so, he just did it on a whim, and that made you incredibly happy.

A bit later, it was closing ceremonies. It wasnt much really, but anything to just spend even a little more time with Ichiro. However, that ended sooner than you expected. And you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

The two of you sat outside on a bench.

“So, I suppose this is it…”,you said. You had to get back early today anyway. Yet, you really didn’t want to. You looked up as Ichiro spoke,”no, its not it. We still have each other’s numbers, we can make it work, I-well….these past few days have been really fun for me,”Ichiro blushed, placing his hand behind his neck. Was he going to confess? If he didn’t do it now he knew he’d procrastinate on doing so forever. He didn’t necessarily have to make sure you were his in this exact moment, but his heart wanted an answer as soon as possible, before he got in too deep.

“The thing is….I want us to be more than just friends. I just….the more we talked, the more I found myself drawn to you. Like I can tell you anything. Its really easy to be myself around you, l/n, I want...to get closer. So, would you go out with me? Or not now, I mean you can think about it but...yeah.”,he said, face blushing. He had only confessed once in his lifetime and that was during elementary….he was quickly shut down.

You….couldn’t believe your ears. Did you really manage to find someone who was interested you at an anime convention. Well, you were sure there were more interesting stories but this was still way out of your league. You even thought he was way out of your league.

“I….we can date. I feel the same, about you, I like talking to you. And I think whats making me so sad is that I cant see you...not the convention part,”you said, looking towards Ichiro and seeing his grow excited. He grabbed your hands quickly and held them,”really?! Thats great.”,he said, letting go than hugging you. Oh. This was happening. It took you a couple seconds to process the hug before you reciprocated it.

Ichiro pulled away, looking down at you, a smile on his face,”when I talk with you, I feel like the happiest and luckiest man in the world. I know love is too strong of a word right now, but I want to do my best to make you happy.”

You were so flustered that you made no response, even more so when you felt his hand on your cheek and saw him leaning in. It all happened quickly. You closed your eyes and suddenly his lips were on yours. No movement, but it lingered for a moment, before he pulled away.

That was your first...kiss. You didn’t mind that it got taken by him but still….it was so much to process. Ichiro brought you back to reality,”Ikebukuro isn’t too far from Yokohama on the train, maybe we could meet in the middle on weekends, or switch up, ah, well I guess we can talk about this letter, getting ahead of myself,”he said and chuckled, which only prompted you to let out a soft laugh. He was like an eager puppy that you wanted to pet. Weird how he so easily calmed your nerves by the sounds of your laughs.

“Datteba-”

“Yo!”

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

What made you want to start writing?

Okay so funny story lol

I didn't consider myself a writer. When I was 7 or 8, I tried writing a kids book but I never finished and I just ended up playing that knock off barbie online game? Anyway, I got to my freshman year of high school (14 y/o) and in that grade, you do a lot of creative writing. I wrote a few contemporary short stories and looking back on them they were kinda lame, but for someone who'd never written.... I mean there was something.

That year, some shit went down during spring break and I got my computer taken away but not my phone because I had to babysit so I needed to be able to contact my mom (she read through some messages where I said I hated her for some reason oof. Side note- I havent said that since. Meanwhile my siblings say it all the time and she never bats an eye.) Anywayyyy. So I got wattpad and started reading fanfiction. One direction fanfiction. And I was hooked. I started my own self insert fic (also hella lame, looking back lol). After that, the next year, I got into PJO and hence percico. I read a fic that was still updating and from Percy's POV. I wanted to write nico's so I messaged if I could do that with the author AMD she said yeah. But then a month or so later she said she didn't have time to continue but if I wanted to I could. So i did. I got a bunch of readers and spent most of of my sophomore and junior year bouncing ideas off my friends. The year after when it was finished, I started Since We Met throughout my junior and half of senior year. The other half I switched to solangelo. (I havent finished it but that one gave me a larger reader pool). I switched to tumblr at some point being a junior in high school and did little drabbles and one shots for various pjo ships. Once I started a pirate solangelo one though, my tumblr started getting way more followers.

From there I've kept writing and now... I'm here lol. I switched to more voltron based writing my freshman year of college.

I guess that's more of how I became a writer. But it kind of matters for the why.

As you can see it started because of shit that went down with me and my mom. I didn't know what to do other than listen to music, read, and write when I got my laptop back. After that, i just had fun creating storylines and realized I really liked it. I used to be really outgoing, but freshman year was so awkward and uncomfortable for me, then sophomore year was painful because my best friend at the time ditched me and I only found solace and distraction in music and books. And I realized, i wanted to do something like that.

I wanted to create something that would help people feel better and give them a reprieve from the real world or painful times. I wanted to captivate people when they needed to get away.

As I kept reading, now with the eyes of a writer, i realized there were a lot of patterns and a lot of stories not being told. I found out there was such a thing as banned books, i started reading them, and i fell in love with them. Because what makes them get banned is what makes them good and it's because they're real and unapologetic. Even Harry Potter which is fantasy has painful reality to it- death, growing up, losing people, growing up leading to more realizations that can cause pain.

I just realized I really wanted to tell the stories that arent always told the ones that dont always have a happy ending or the ones that dont fit together perfectly just because it's part of the genre. I wanted people to know the truth I know. The pain of broken families, the struggle of being Latina, and immigrant, a queer person, a first generation college student, a sexual abuse victim, someone with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. (Not all at once, you know it all gets dispersed through characters and plots)

Especially because I got tired of the whole boy meets girl and everything is better and they only care for each other or the x has depression then meets y and now x is cured. Because that's bullshit and it made me feel like shit. I wanted something to relate to and I figured if I wanted that, other people do too. And who better to write what I wanna read than me?

Shit this got really long I'm sorry lol

[borhapstyles]

Headcanon: First Date with Ben

HEY so it’s my spring break and i’m back temporarily :) i hate saying temporarily but i know that once school starts again i’m never gonna have time to breathe lol but i’d like to think school is temporary, writing for you guys once summer hits will be the real thing <3 

this wasn’t requested but as a starter, i’ve written this headcanon :) sorry if it’s shit, haven’t written in a while so i’m a little rusty. i hope you like the ending though, i certainly do. 

**this is going off the “Meeting Ben” headcanon I wrote a while back xx

“so uhm…”

“yes?” you giggled, brows raised as Ben swallowed harshly

“i-i was wonderin’ if you’d like to go on a date with me.. sometime..?”

“is this not a date?” 

then Ben’s cheeks went red, even more so than they were before

because like

he had been waiting for the right time to ask you on a date since he followed you into that cafe

how was he supposed to know he was gonna spend the next two hours talking to you in that back table

but you looked so lovely underneath the fairy lights of the cafe

and he adored the rose tint on your cheeks whenever you subtly dropped in your love for Queen

that’s another thing, he loved your taste in music

i mean, it’s a given that you liked Queen because of Bo Rhap

but when he learned of all the other bands / artists you loved, he kinda sorta just wanted to kiss you right there

he should’ve

anyways

“n-no, i mean, like a proper date, not that this can’t be considered one, but-”

“i’m joking, i’d love to” you cut him off, more laughs spilling from your mouth

and then you and Ben set a date, a time, and after he insisted on picking you up, you finally let him

the day of, he showed up with your favorite flowers which uh

u didn’t tell him what ur favorite flowers were

he uh.. kinda found out through instagram stalking

he didn’t specifically stalk you

but Joe did

Ben mentioned you to Joe and Joe was quick to find your account

(let’s pretend it’s on public if it’s not)

“oh she’s on public, this is gonna be fun” Joe said to Ben while they were hanging out the next night

“she is?!” Ben jumped over and

for a moment he wanted Joe to like.. stop because he kinda felt weird doing it

but i mean

he also was super super curious to see your posts and kinda also wanted to see more of ur face

so he went along with it

“she might even be funnier than I am” Joe said when he went over one of your captions

“I couldn’t stop laughing when I was with her, she’s hilarious” Ben gushed

“oh wait, what’s that one?” Ben made Joe stop scrolling to click on one of ur pics

it was of u and your friend’s dog

with the caption “don’t tell (your friend’s name) but i’m stealing her dog forever sorry”

“she likes dogs” Ben whispered to himself, a smile on his face as he imagined you with Frankie 

that’s when Joe stopped and looked at his friend

“you’ve known her for a total of 30 hours and yet i’ve never seen anyone do this to you.. you really like her, don’t you?”

Ben sighed, he didn’t want to let himself get so deep so quickly but

there was something about all this that just felt so easy, like it’s come into place

and something about you that made him feel as if he’s known you his whole life even if you had never been to england before meeting him

so Ben just smiled and nodded, hoping he wouldn’t get his heart broken with all the risk he’s taking

and they continued scrolling till Ben got a text from … 

surprise surprise, you 

and completely forgot Joe was there for a moment 

“oh by the way, just so you know, her favorite flowers are…” Joe told him before leaving

“how do you know?”

“her instagram, which, if your elderly ass would bother to learn a little more about, is a great app”

so anyways when Ben showed up with your favorite flowers u were happy and he was happy that u were happy

but also lol because you were staying in an airbnb and didnt rlly know where to put the flowers down

aaaannnywaaaays 

then you two drove out into beautiful London 

the night life was buzzing with Londoners and tourists alike and you couldn’t be happier to be in such a city

much less next to Ben, who if a week ago someone told you you’d be with him 

u might punch them for playing with your feelings

but here you are

“you see that building? that’s Abbey Road studios”

“so much history here, I think I’m in love”

when Ben finally stopped driving

you two were in front of a rather tall building somewhere in the financial district

Ben rushed to your side to open the car door

“can i ask where we are now?” you laughed and Ben chuckled as he finally told you

and he made sure to open the door for you on your way in

im convinced chivalry is still alive and comes in the form of ben hardy 

and u two rode the elevator aaallll the way up 

then you two went through a couple other doors

and then eventually you were met by a host who checked you guys in

then you were led outside

let’s say it summer by the way so you guys arent freezing when u go out

it’s a rooftop area, with outdoor furniture and plants decorating the area

fairy lights strung around the pergola, soft gentle music in the background

there’s a few other couples having dinner but it’s peaceful and everyone’s rather into each other so you know no one’s eyes will be wandering

but your favorite part of the whole thing

was that you could see the entire london skyline from your position, with a table in the perfect spot so no one was blocking the view

“what d’ya think? i-is it too much?” Ben asked shyly as you hadn’t said anything 

but you were in love with the place, your heart filled with joy

“it might be too early to say that this is the best date i’ve ever been on but i will, if that gives you any idea for how i’m feeling” 

as the dinner progressed, any nerves you felt coming in vanished

as did Ben’s

it felt natural, comfortable, meant to be

and when Ben reached over to hold your hand across the table

part of you never wanted him to let go, even if it made it a little harder to eat

in any case, he himself never quite wanted to let go either

with you, he wasn’t Ben Hardy, actor. he was just Ben

and he felt like he could be anyone he wanted to be around you

he loved that even if you were a fan, you never made him feel like he needed to take on the actor-persona he had 

in fact part of you forgot he was even an actor when you asked him if he had met anyone famous 

which made Ben laugh and your cheeks go red 

but Ben slipped up too lmao

“so I heard you like dogs?”

“...yes but...from.. who..”

then his cheeks got red as he had to carefully explain how him and Joe didnt stalk you on instagram but stalked you on instagram basically 

celebrities, they’re just like us

that’s when you laughed

which made Ben realise he could hear you laugh all day and never get tired of it

and never get tired of your smile

something about your twinkling eyes when you spoke about your friends and family back home

and about all your passions, ridiculous and not so ridiculous

u may or may not have let him in on your love for Queen, even more so than in the cafe

and u kinda forgot he was in Bo Rhap for a hot minute

but he was amused, he loved seeing you speak about something so close to your heart

and felt proud to be part of it

all in all Ben felt a feeling he hadn’t experienced in quite a long time, if ever in his life

a feeling of completion, of relief

as if he had been waiting his whole life to meet you

and so he continued listening to your rant about how much you love Freddie and JIm together

watching as you blushed and apologised profusely for going on about them

“don’t be sorry, i wished we could’ve had more of them in the film as well. and i love hearing your opinions on them, i love hearing you talk about it all. it makes me more and more fortunate to have been part of it”

“well i have much more to say about anything Queen related if you’re interested”

“then i’m always here to listen for when you do wanna speak about them” 

when dinner finished, you and Ben decided to postpone driving you back 

you two walked around the city more and eventually made it to a little park just up the road

your hand in his, humming ‘39 by your favorite band

Ben smiled to himself as he realised you felt the same comfort around him as he did with you

and so the months went on, date after date with Ben

till you found yourselves on your one year anniversary, walking around the same park you two had gone through on your first date

“do you remember when we first came here?” he asked

“of course, it’s when I realised I love loved you and was basically fucked”

“why’d you say you’re fucked?” he laughed

“i mean, i was like, oh god i’ve scared him by talking about my obsession with Queen and he actually knows them and he’ll tell them and Brian and Roger will think i’m crazy and he won’t ever date me again after this and all i can do now is hum ‘39 and hope he won’t block me on instagram after this” 

Ben cackled

“that’s not at all what i was thinking, i hope you know that”

“well obviously” you rolled your eyes

“d’ya wanna know what i was thinking?” 

“hm”

“I was actually thinking of Freddie while we were walking around”

“same”

“no, i’m serious” Ben chuckled 

“why were you thinking of Freddie then?” you giggled, squeezing his hand a little tighter

“well, if I was just going in my head about how if it wasn’t for him there would’ve have been Queen, wouldn’t have been a Bo Rhap, I never would’ve been in anything like it, and I might not have met you then because of it”

“i don’t like thinking about that” you muttered, leaning your head into his side

“really though, it’s mad how much he’s influenced all our lives in a good way” he stopped walking, you standing below him with curious eyes batting at him 

“i guess we have Freddie to thank then for bringing us together” you said before pecking his lips

and then you two stood there for a moment, your head pressed against his chest as you listened to his heartbeat

that’s when Ben looked down at you in his arms, then up into the starlit sky and whispered; 

“thank you, Freddie” 

[skizmin]

Ravenclaw Seungmin

(my sweet sunshine i hope i can do you justice)

Genre: fluffy as FUCC yo, seungmin is a precious baby, he’s book smart then falls in love and has nO fuckin idea what to do, ugh hes so cUTe, confident til you (my lovely gender neutral reader) come along type shit lmao sue me

Words: 6330 holy shit

A/N: alrighty so i put some more effort into this one bc apparently yall didnt appreciate my woojin one (lookin at you you well rested hoes) and yeah. for the love of coke please stop sleeping on woojin and seungmin it hurts my heart.

this all sorta starts in the middle of exam season

seungmin is lowkey stressed

okay possibly highkey stressed

especially when his friend hyunjin drags him out of the study hall to go see some quidditch game

“hyunjin seriously i need to study” 

but hyunjins carrying seungmin over his shoulder screaming about something called stress relief and fun

but anyway, here seungmin is in the stands very begrudgingly 

thinkin about that lil song he made to remember how to pronounce that one pet hair expelling spell lmao

when he sees you

he knows you of course, always coming extremely close to his top mark in all his classes

once, in second year, you even beat him in defence against the dark arts which seungmin felt a bit down about for 3 weeks but also he knew you had an immense interest in jinxed plants which was the topic of half of the test

rip seungmin

anyway, he’d always sorta just ignored thinking about you unless it was his competitive side coming out 

for real once he almost gave up studying for a divination in class essay but was reminded you were in that class and just nYOOMED to finish his final draft

he only ever really thought about school anyway, much to the dismay of his friends who for once just wanted to get to know him more and take him out to hogsmeade or something

okay so anyway, hes in the stands and he sees you

he doesnt exect you to be there lol like

you study just as much as he does, right? 

not only are you there, but you arent even watching the game

youre in it

seungmin chokes on his motherfuckin pumpkin juice

hes all

W-WHAT

NO WHAT

HOW

hyunjin looks at him like wtf bro

seungmins just

“Y/NS IN THE QUIDDITCH TEAM? BITCH? WHAT??”

hyunjins like what???? ohhhh y/n?? dude theyre like one of the best chasers in the damn school

seungmin just looks from hyunjin to you (trying to intercept a pass from the other team) with wide eyes

“seungmin why do you look so shocked? do you know them?”

“yeAH THEYRE THE ONE THAT BEAT ME ON THAT TEST ONCE”

“hmm? what in second year??? dude you have GOT to let that go.”

but by now seungmins not even paying attention to hyunjin, he’s watching you speed past with the quaffle and scoring almost effortlessly

seungmin had never really paid much attention to quidditch. now much at all

aside from happily congratulating his friends on their most recent win and smiling brightly along with jisung when he begins screaming about the new chudley cannons line up

seungmin never really followed the world cup or anything

he simply decided when he was sorted into ravenclaw that he would dedicate himself to his studies

and he struggled to get the grades he does even though felix’s favourite thing to say to him was “all you do is study”

but he was proud of his grades

seungmin never really paid much attention to quidditch

but now? watching you?

your house colours billowing behind you as you smiled to a teammate, listening to their instructions on your next course of action.

he was mesmerised

wholly?? fully?? mesmerised??

he didnt know why but his heart sort of ached

he thought, why would he feel like this?

he understood though that he simply felt completely and utterly inferior to you

hes fine with being inferior to you in terms of quidditch, he doesnt play quidditch

rarely has flown a broom actually, unless necessary

but in terms of school work?

he genuinely set his soul to do that

he’s wholly dedicated to studying to achieve the almost record grades he has

and you?

you were right behind him

dont get him wrong, he doesnt think you dont deserve it, not at all. he would never say someone doesnt deserve recognition for their hard earned work.

he was upset because, honestly?

he saw how often his friends practised their quidditch skills. the team practise, individual practise, game plans, codes, flying methods, opponent studies

all of it

it was very nearly the same amount of time he spent studying.

and his friends? 

he remembers the time his friends minho a few years back struggled to scrape by a pass due to his commitment to the sport. even with copious amounts of tutoring that drove him into the early hours of the morning so often

the stress ate away at him. it was a particularly busy year for slytherins team and he was on high demand. the lack of interest in school kicked in after his grades began dropping

it wasnt a good time, not a good thing to witness. eventually he passed purely on all nighters full of cramming before exams

all his quidditch playing friends struggled to get above average in their grades, no matter how enthusiastic they were about learning and magic 

how did you, who was on par with their skill, manage to follow so closely behind him whilst studying?

of course, he was prefect, but that consisted of simply once a week meetings and helping younger students with school related things. sometimes an odd counselling session here and there and some advice on how to handle situations

but that took up rarely any of his time

not nearly as much as quidditch would

he felt sort of empty, like he had lost some kind of purpose. 

how was he going to deal with this? how was he going to deal with the fact that you were so so so far above him in all ways possible? the one thing he fully applies himself to is now meaningless to him

he wants to be better 

“minnie?? the games over. y/ns team won.” hyunjin called from beside him, nudging him with his shoulder

“ah, right.”

hyunjin furrowed his brows at seungmins down attitude but shrugged it off because

it be like that sometimes

ya’know??????

,,

fast forward to one week later and seungmins friends were getting increasingly more worried. why?

his usually immaculate notes were empty, he went straight to bed instead of studying (yet the bags under his eyes were dark and prominent. one of his dormmates reports to jisung that he has been sleeping quite fitfully.), he sat for hours on the weekend in the study hall tapping his quill on the table but his paper remained blank

hell, he hadnt even borrowed a new book from the library after finishing his most recent read

it was at this point jeongin forced hyunjin to confront seungmin about it

“so uh, whats up?”

“huh? oh nothing just chilling.”

“no i mean recently, youre acting odd.”

“o-oh?? (worm)”

“yeah, so you okay??”

“definitely, just busy sorting something out.”

hyunjin smiled and left seungmin be at that

seungmin realised that was the last straw, he was going to do something about how this affected him

so the next day, after classes ended, seungmin made his way to the library. after that he walked down to hagrid’s, their groundskeeper and teacher of magical creatures’, hut. then after that he walked up to the hospital wing.

when he returned to the great hall and jisung asked him where he had been, he just smiled and shook his head

what had be been doing?

volunteering.

volunteering to help at the library and help madam pince 5 nights a week every fortnight, volunteering to help hagrid tend to the animals and feed them and give them exercise every sunday, and finally, volunteering to run errands for madam pomfrey for 5 nights every other week and to tend to small injuries that can be handled with a simple muggle first aid kit if thats what the student would like

anyway once his friends found out what he had done they were very happy!! and confused??

and also worried

seungmin had aways had this habit of overworking himself

,,,,

okay so 3 weeks later he was in the library volunteering

pushing a trolley full of misplaced books up the isle while yawning widely

he thought he was doing pretty well. he was more than confident on the two exams that had passed during the time he spent volunteering n stuff

he walked along, still yawning occasionally, blaming it on the warm cozy feeling of the library late at night

but he jumped as he felt a tap on his shoulder and whipping his head around so fast his neck couldve snapped off

and then he saw you, looking nervous as you twisted your fingers together in front of you

he swore he couldve melted right then and there

wait?????? what???????

“u-uh, hey! um. yeah madam pince she-, she told me to ask you. ask you where to find a b-book that is! ha. haha.”

seungmin watched as your face got red and his heart sorta swelled?????

“oh! u-uh yeah! sure! which book?”

you smiled at him widely, relieved you hadnt asked the wrong person. “magical mediterranean water plants and their properties???”

seungmins heart stuttered

he had never really paid much attention to you before he saw you on the quidditch pitch, thinking of you purely as competition. but recently

god, recently he couldnt stop thinking about you. your face. your smile. your laugh, remembering the rare times you would joke around in class.

was this what it was like to have you smile at him?

he would fetch you 1000 books if he got to see 1000 of those smiles

oh my oh my was his heart beginning to beat faster and faster

“o-okay, uh- follow me?” he turned around quickly and began walking. he’d memorised the library way before volunteering anyway, madam pince getting sick of him asking where books were every second day

he walked up 3 isles and turned right, walking up the middle before tugging out his wand from his robes and softly flourishing his wand

from a high shelf, a black leather book floating down gently, seungmin extended his hand to grab it before passing it to you, cheeks red

“is this it?” seungmin already knew that was the book you were looking for. he read it last term to jog his memory before a herbology test

fUCK THERE WAS A HERBOLOGY TEST COMING UP RIP SEUNGMIN

anyway

“yeah!! seungmin, right? thank you so much.” you shyly smiled at him

“u-uh yeah!! just um, ask me for help if you need it and you see me. y/n, right?” god his brain was a mess

“of course!! well, i’ll see you around yeah??”

seungmin nodded, cheeks getting slightly redder

and with that you walked away, cheeks equally as red as seungmins and hands clasping tightly around the book he got for you

anyway, in the next week you and seungmin sometimes exchanged small smiles and waves but nothing more

you highkey wanted to talk to him but you were too shy so

it was okay bc he was shy too so

but anyway, you had been in your care of magical creatures class, talking to your professor as you attempted to befriend a porlock

(a small horse guardian thing that doesnt quite trust humans)

anyway, simply you got onto the topic of how hagrid could possibly look after all his creatures constantly to which he replied with a smile and 

“well theres a ravenclaw boy that helps me now. seungmin. do you know him? he helps me care for all of them every sunday.”

you furrowed your brows, it couldnt possibly be

“kim seungmin?” you questioned

“thats the one!” 

you smiled, saying you knew him before getting lost in your own thoughts.

didnt seungmin already volunteer at the library? maybe that was a one time thing. right????

surely he wouldnt be volunteering at two places at once. thats impossible

not with his grades, he couldnt possibly keep up. how much overworking would that be?

you were taking out of you thoughts with a sharp stinging pain on your wrist

you looked down to see your porlock obviously angry and trying to escape the calming hold you had on him

hagrid noticed you gasp and his eyes widened as he saw the blood trickling down your arm

“oh no! are you alright????”

“i’m fine! just got bitten is all.”

“here let me take the porlock, you should get yourself to the hospital wing. the last period bell is gonna go anyway so take your bag too”

you were stunned at your professor being so panicked

“im sorry its just ive filled out three incident reports in the last week”

you laughed, tugging your satchel over your shoulder and holding your wrist with your free hand to stop the bleeding somewhat

you greeted you friends goodbye before climbing up the grassy hill to hogwarts on your way to the hospital wing

as soon as you reached the castle, chimes came loudly from the bell tower above

you groaned, you knew you had quidditch practise in half an hour so you began to speed walk through the halls that were filling quickly with students

reaching the hospital wing you pushed the big oak door open, searching around for madam pomfrey

“excuse me?”

madam pomfrey popped out from behind her desk

“oh! y/l/n! im just about to head out on an emergency. some kid ate sat on a firework from that pesky store. is it serious?”

“uhhhhh, no?? i can patch myself up.” you smiled at the frantic nurse

she nodded and walked passed you, calling out as she rushed through the door in a hurry

“the kits on my desk! and if kim seungmin shows up tell him i dont have anything for him to do!”

you smiled quickly to her before she was gone

wait a minute? seungmin? what would he be doing here???

anyway, you walk up to her desk and drag out the first aid kit

you knew how to use a first aid kit

you were Cultured

anyway you were looking for something to dress your arm, you found a big ol’ dressing with all that sticky shit

bitch yes

anyway as you were struggling to open the dressing up, the gigantic oak door opened suddenly and you almost dropped the dressing you were holding to see a panting seungmin

your eyes widened as he crouched over and spoke

“madam- madam pomfrey im so” large breath in “sorry im late i just-” another pant “a student asked me where vectors office was and-” 

he finally stood up, eyes widening when he saw you

“o-oh! y/n? whatre you doing here??”

“uh, porlock.” you replied dumbly. not thinking enough to elaborate bc wow kim seungmin was right there looking gorgeous n shit

“porlock?????? the animal??????” he furrowed his brows

you nodded and suddenly remembered what the nurse had told you

“oh! uh, madam pomfrey is out right now but she said theres um,,, nothing for you to do???” you asked him, sounding unsure to whether or not you heard her correctly

seungmin furrowed his brows “o-oh.”

you looked away, and began fumbling with your dressing and spoke up again “do you help out here too?”

“uhhh. yeah, i do.” he replied somewhat awkwardly

“hagrid said you help him as well. do you get any rest?” you asking, sounding exasperated

but like,,,

low key lmao

“oh uh. yeah i try my best i guess.” he sounded so??? nervous???

“wait! y/n, let me do that. its what im supposed to be doing anyway” seungmin sheepishly says as he walked up to you

oh god what now???????? uh???????? seungmin very possibly touching you and being that close??????? uh??? a bitch is scared for their health but shhhhh

“n-no! its fine!” you mumbled back, suddenly very shy under seungmins gaze

“y/n you cant even get it open, not to mention your arm and hand are still covered in blood.”

he had a point

“oh. right.”

seungmin moved you over to one side of the table as he pulled out a bowl and a washcloth from one of the cabinets next to it.

he mumbled a soft aguamenti, creating water from his wand into the bowl, smiling in accomplishment

then he dipped half of the cloth into the water and wrenched it to get the excess water out

“can i uh- can u have your arm??” he  stuttered, suddenly realising how close you were, cheeks dusting pink

you held your arm up for him and he started wiping at the blood on your skin, you didnt actually mind the cool feeling of the water at all. 

you decided to use the awkward silence to have a little conversation with him

“why do you volunteer so much?” you questioned

seungmins movements halted for a second before he started cleaning your arm again

“no particular r-reason. i-, i like it?” he replied, not meeting your eyes

“why do you sound so unsure?” your pried, wondering why exactly the question was difficult for him

“im not unsure!” he assured you, taking a glance at your face finally before dumping the cloth in the water because he was done

“alright i guess”

“i uh,” he started whilst ripping open he package to the dressing, “i didnt know you played quidditch.”

you were surprised by this, everyone knew you played quidditch

“oh! really?? i thought it was obvious.”

he began placing the dressing on your wrist, trying to make sure there was no crinkles in the plastic sticky part

(yes i dont know the actual term for it fucking SUE ME)

“ah, i dont really pay attention to quidditch so.”

“oh. how’d you find out then?” you were curious as to how he knew if he barely knew you and didnt even like quidditch

“hwang hyunjin, you might know him, hes in our year. anyway he dragged me out to watch and you were playing so.”

“ah right. hyunjin’s the slytherin right?” 

“yup!”

cue: silence

seungmin was smoothing out the dressing on your wrist 

“y-your robes...” seungmin started, picking up his wand from the desk and mumbling a short “tergeo”

suddenly your robes grew warm and the blood siphoned off of them cleanly into seungmins wand

you were now comfortably warn in your robes as you went to pull your sleeve down before seungmin stopped you gently with his hand, checking the dressing was on properly one last time

you shivered at the feeling of his cold fingers, and decided to return the favour of hhim helping you

pulling out your wand, you muttered a soft incantation of a heat charm, pointing your wand over seungmins hands that adorned a pink hue due to the cold of the water earlier

“oh my god thank you” seungmin practically groaned, rubbing his hands together in front of your wand

you laughed quietly at him, finding his satisfaction amusing before he looked up to your face and realised, blushing a deep shade of pink

okay imma keep it real with you chief

you liked seungmin a lot

idk he just??? made you feel so giddy. your stomach like,,, dipped when he smiled at you n stuff

i mean you werent the only one,, there were heaps of people in your year that fawned over the smart boy. hard-workers are always the most popular like come on

but you sorta just knew there was no chance between the two of you and you were perfectly happy being friends with the boy. his friends always hyped him up a bunch like he was some kind of god

you definitely agreed he was good company, even when you two werent necessarily comfortable around each other yet

but anyway, seeing him standing there blushing in front of you made you uwu SO HARD

and you were glad he knew you from something you loved, that being quidditch

wait

fuCK QUIDDITCH PRACTISE YOU ALMOST FORGOT

“seungmin!! im so sorry i have to go!! i have inter house practise!!”

seungmin’s eyes widened a little

i mean yeah you had to go to practise but like also

that was the first time???????? you’d said his name to him???????? excluding the time you asked him if it was in fact his name but like

oh my god seungmins blush got even darker because he didnt know he could like how someone said his name but he definitely likes him name 20 times more when youre saying it and and youre smiling and running out of the infirmary and waving to him and its all too much like his heart rn??? dead. his brain??? he doesnt know her, it turned to mush

seungmin walked over to one of the beds in the hospital wing and sat down, sighing

he was so fucked

,,,,,,,,

 “you’re friends with kim seungmin right?” you questioned jisung as you waited for the rest of the schools quidditch players to exit the change rooms

“yeah!! we’re close actually. why?” 

jisung was always so excitable and held such confidence in everything he did, he was comfortable to talk to

“oh nothing, i just ran into him at the hospital wing is all”

“hospital wing? he’s still volunteering there??”

you furrowed your brows, “yeah??? is something wrong????”

jisung sighed, scuffing his boot along the grass of the slowly filling pitch and tossing his bat up into the air before catching it nonchalantly (imagine being That Cool)

“yeah. he’s been overworking himself way too much lately. he used to only focus on studying but he’s trying to fit in all this helping staff out and he looks so tired all the time.”

looking back you do remember seungmins hair being a bit more dishevelled than usual, and under his eyes was a little bit darker

“why though? i mean its nice he is but like, he doesnt need to?”

jisung nods thoroughly at you

“thats what we all said! he wont tell us why he’s had this sudden change in heart though.” jisung pouted and you laughed lightheartedly at him

“oh well, he’ll come around right?”

,,,,

he didnt

its been 3 weeks since your conversation with jisung and you can guarantee seungmin was overworking himself to the max

he came into astronomy studies late and ended up falling asleep the other day. it was one of the easier classes to fall asleep in of course due to the whole jinxing the ceiling to look like a nights sky in a dark room n stuff but like still

seungmin never was late to class

seungmin never fell asleep in class

lately youve noticed him turning up to morning classes barely on time, tie askew and hair a complete mess

you’d find it cute if you werent worried for his health 

okay you did find it cute but YoU weRe sTiLL WoRRieD

anyway, so it was one day in herbology theory when he fell asleep again

sprout wasnt too happy but let him sleep anyway bc like. if you can sleep through her basically screaming explanations to the class due to her half deafness than yeah, you probably needed it

at the end of the class you packed your things and saw seungmin still peacefully sleeping at his desk and you frowned lightly

so you decided to let him sleep but you sat at your table for a while, using spare parchment and a scribing spell to copy your notes for him

after it was completed, you left it on the table next to him with a bottle of pumpkin juice you were saving for later, your eyebrows still furrowed

why was he overworking himself?

sighing, you just left, deciding it was creepy to be there for so long

anyway, that night you went to the library to find a book you needed for your ancient runes course test

you didnt really expect anyone to be there so late (it was almost curfew, you were forgetful)

and it sorta slipped your mind that seungmin volunteered there until

“need help?”

holy fUCK he scared you like boy you cant go sneakin up on people in an almost empty library and speak loudly like that

anyway so you violently flinched away and he started laughing whilst apologising profusely

you smiled bc he was cute adalsfafrfpi;fef seungmin omg stop

but yeah once he was done, he reiterated “sorry, but is there any book youre looking for?”

“uhhhhh yeah, ancient runes made easy??” you sorta felt dumb saying it out loud but oh well, you needed to pass this test

“follow me then!” seungmin led you out of the tall shelves confines to the middle corridor before delving into another set of shelves, this time he didnt pull out his wand to get the book down, instead he simply reached up and plucked it from the shelf

“here you go!” he handed it to you, it was indeed the book you were looking for and it was in mint condition. not surprising as basically no one took the ancient runes elective rip

you mumbled a thanks, cheeks sorta going a bit red as you stared at your feet because like

kim seungmin

(thats a phat mood btw)

“oh! i almost forgot!” seungmin started, dipping his head down a bit to try and catch your eyes. when you looked up, he smiled

“uh, thanks for what you did today. you know, the notes a-and the pumpkin juice and stuff.”

you watched seungmins cheeks get pinker as he went on

you were full on uwuing at this point

“its okay! really!” you blurted out like omgkimseungministhankingme

suddenly it fell into an almost awkward silence between the two of you

shoes shuffling on the ground and cheeks red

“um, what do you need help with in ancient runes? im all caught up. i could explain something if you want?”

and thats how you ended up on one of the large library tables after curfew with special permission from madam pince

seungmin legit took 15 minutes to explain some stuff to you but now yall were just chillin (in cedar rapids)

you began talking about nothing in particular really

seungmin asked about your quidditch, you asked about his volunteering which he brushed off almost immediately

seungmin and you felt like time didnt exist as you kept talking and talking

you subconsciously moved closer to each other until your thighs were touching

seungmins speech had slowed into a comforting lazy slurring of words, his voice getting heavier with the need for sleep. you felt the same though

his eyes stayed intently on you, even with his cheek in his hand as the conversation slowed to a pleasant silence

you yawned, a hand coming to your face. you knew you should go to bed but you didnt really want to at this point

you looked at seungmin to see him softly smiling at you and your heartbeat picked up. your obvious feelings for him going crazy

“youre really pretty y/n” he mumbled lowly, you almost didnt hear him

of how you wished you didnt hear him because now you were a mess, heart thumping in your chest and red creeping up your neck to your face

how do you reply to that? you were stumped for words honestly

seungmin didnt seem to mind though as he smiled wider, sitting up straight and stretching his arms over his head

“wait here, ill go put out the lamps and we can walk back”

you barely nodded, face still red as seungmin climbed from his seat to wander around, blowing out the candles lighting the library

on your walk back, it was silent. it was comfortable though and seungmin didnt seem to mind your lack of response to his compliment that still had your mind reeling 

seungmin waved bye to you as you parted ways, smiles on your faces

seungmin didnt study when he got into his dorm room, falling face first onto his bed and falling into a deep sleep almost immediately

,,,,

waking up, seungmin first realised he was late, only 30 minutes of breakfast left

and then, the memories of seeing you last night flooded it

mid throwing his covers off of his body, he groaned loudly, how on earth had he said that

his cheeks got red just thinking about it

this was a crisis. he dragged on his uniform and grabbed his satchel and sprinted the whole way to the great hall

once he made it, he spotted his friends at the hufflepuff table and dashed to them

“i have a problem”

jisung, hyunjin and jeongin looked up towards seungmin

“what is it?” jeongin asked, eyes lighting up with curiosity. oh did he love seeing his friends suffer

“so i was in the library with y/n last night” 

“waiT Y/N THE ONE YOU” hyunjin started before jisung harshly elbowed him in the side

seungmin loves jisung

“yes, shut up hyunjin. anyway i was really tired and not thinking straight and i called them pretty and they didnt even respond im so ashamed”

jeongin started laughing, hyunjin smiling along whilst rubbing the sore spot of his side

seungmin groans and stomps his foot, not happy with the lack of support from his friends

jisung tosses him a sympathetic look, “your problem man, i cant really help.”

seungmin pouts but sits down to eat anyway

,,,,,

okay so its been 3 days and seungmins worried

like seriously 

whenever he tries to talk to you your eyes just widen and you walk to other way before he can even get a word out

whenever he passes you in class or in the hallways, he prepares a smile only to be met with you ducking your head to look at the ground as you speed past him

his small waves in class seemingly go unnoticed

but he knows you dont hate him

how? simple. youre still leaving him notes and treats every time he falls asleep in class

so what does he do? like any other desperately in need boy he hatches a plan. 

today last period you both share astrology. he’s simply fake falling asleep and confront you whilst you left him the classes notes

seungmins game plan didnt really work tho bc he actually fell asleep like a dumbass

it was last period astrology and seungmin was lying on his books, passed out

the bell rang and you went through your normal routine, copying your notes which included your immaculately drawn sketches of the constellations you’d studied that day

you waked over to his desk and placed them next to his head, the corner of a page accidentally bushing his nose and you like,,, froze

bc he twitched and scrunched his nose up which wouldve been so cute if you werent terrified of him waking up

you put down a cauldron cake as well once he went back to looking peaceful and frowned bc

“seungmin why don’t you rest more?” you whispered

he exhaled deeply in his sleep and a piece of hair fell into his face, subconsciously you went to brush it away and carded your fingers ever so lightly through his hair

but then you halted bc like

wtf thats super creepy

you quickly turned to leave b-but uwu cliche

seungmin grabbed at your wrist yO SEUNGMINS DAINTY ASS FINGERS CURLING THEMSELVES AROUND YOUR WRIST IMAGINE

anyway

you squeaked and turned back around bc wtf it scared you

and seungmin was just sitting up now, arm outstretched grabbing onto yours, eyes wide and hair a fucking cute mess

you were like uhhhhhhhashlfbfkacbsdcbigev

“uh, dont run away, please?” seungmin said, super duper shyly aw hes so CUTE

you like just,,,, shakily nodded at him

seungmin smiled lightly and let go of you, climbing out of his set in lightning speed to stand in front of you

“i uh-, i just wanted to ask why you’ve been avoiding m-me i guess” seungmin started and you cringed

bc this was hella awkward like no 

seungmin cut you off before you could say anything tho with a 

“bc like if its because i called you pretty and stuff im so so so sorry i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable at all and i feel really bad bc i shouldnt have said it and i was really tired and my judgement wasnt the best and i accidentally made things awkward between us and i dont want that and i just feel really really bad like you dont even have to forgive me or anything i swear”

he said all that in like, under 15 seconds. eminem who???

anyway your eyes just went wide as you processed his words n n you lowkey got a bit emo when he said he said it bc he was tired n stuff n just :^((

“why dont you get enough rest seungmin?” you said blankly

“w-what?” seungmins heart rate SKY ROCKETED

“why dont you get enough rest?”

“uh-, i just um,,, i do get e-enough rest!” he was like, nervously laughing

“no you dont, you fall asleep in 40 percent of your classes.”

“i-, i uh-” “why can’t you tell me??” you questioned, eyebrows furrowing at his anxiousness towards the question

“its uh-, its sorta embarrassing” he replied, looking ANYWHERE but your eyes

“is it bad? did you get into trouble or something?”

“nO! god no!”

“then it doesnt sound that bad to me.” oooh go y/n hold ur ground bub

“uhhhh” seungmin sighed, defeated “okay ill tell you.” you just hummed in response and waited patiently

he exhaled loudly and stared blatanly at your feet before beginning

“i uh. you play quidditch really well and- and you also get near all my scores on tests and stuff and i just felt. idk, dumb or something so i wanted to prove to myself that i could do extra curricular sort of stuff like volunteering and still g-get top scores i guess.”

once he finished he looked into your eyes and you were like ????? what the fuck

you were so confused,,, he was volunteering bc you played quidditch and got good scores???

“seungmin i dont work nearly as hard as you do”

his eyes widened “what do you mean! yes you do! you’re like, on par with jisung and he practises religiously!”

you laughed a little and seungmin furrowed his brows

“seungmin, jisung is muggleborn. whereas my older sister is captain of the tutshill tornados. i dont need to train that hard in quidditch” oh seungmin

the pooor boy

after you made that comment seungmins face just went BRIGHT red lmao

“uhhhhh,,, uh,, uhhh” he didnt know what to say

“anyway seungmin, i suggest you take a break and get some rest so you dont keep saying things accidentally” you said, adjusting your satchel strap on your shoulder and preparing to leave

“what?? acidentally???” seungmin said, preventing you from leaving “you don’t mean me calling you pretty right bc like. i meant that” okay but how was seungmin now so confident especially when he said that

“w-what?” you said, red going ALL over your face lmao like everywhere

“i meant it when i called you pretty i just. i know there was a better time to say it probably” seungmin started getting shyer now like his ears going red he was so cute

‘you think im pretty????????” you were so confused like. kim seungmin?? the kim seungin? thinking youre pretty??? you discreetly pinched yourself, checking this wasnt a dream

“d-dont say it so forwardly like that!” seungmin exclaimed

“you said it forwardly first!” you laughed back at him, ngl you were feeling a little giddy 

seungmin just sorta sunk back into himself, feelin super duper shy

your face got even more red as words tumbled out of your mouth before your common sense could stop you

“f-for the record, i-, i think you’re pretty too”

oh my GOD

1) y/n sweetie thank you for telling seungmin this for all of us

2) yoU JUST CALLED SEUNGMIN PRETTY AND NOW HIS EYES WERE WIDE AS FUCK 

HE SQUEAKED

HE MCFRICKIN SQUEAKED CAN YALL IMAGINE

he brought a hand up to his mouth in surprise and by this point you were like

too shy to do anything lmfao

so you sorta just looked down at your shoes bc wow all of a sudden your black leather school shoes were immensely and intricately beautiful

not

anyway there was a bit of silence as seungmin regained composure and you were way to embarrassed to say anything at all

but then

but thEN

get ready omg

you dont even notice but suddenly seungmins  right in front of you and he’s leaning toward your face and and hes

hes kissED YOUR CHEEK

oh my GOD his cute ass lips just came in contact with your cheek, as quick as lightning but of my god it was worth it

your head whipped up and you gasped

seungmin stood there with an inCREDibly nervous look on his face and his eyes prompting you to respond

like,,,, in any way. pls y/n do something

your mind was fuzzy and the low swooping feeling in your stomach compelled you as you stepped impossibly closer to seungmin, yours and his cheeks radiating a magnificently bright red glow

and you kissed him

thanks again y/n for doing the world a good deed

you sorta squeaked afterwards and went to leap back bc seungmins face was suddenly too close and you were embarrassed and nervous and and

oh my god your heart was beating louder than ever jesus

but before you could leap back, seungmin was wrapping his arms tightly around you, hugging your body and preventing you from distancing yourself from him

his breathing was rapid as his mouth found home near your ear to stutter out a question that would make you squeal if it werent for the fear your legs might give out

“w-wanna go on a-, a date with me? maybe?”

as soon as seungmin felt you nod against him (you didnt trust your voice rn lmao) he smiled, easing into the hug more and essentially melting his heart with yours

uwu

hope you liked it!!!

[prissypickle]

I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I��m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

[ohdeerlings]

mushi hime rant hahahhaahfdsjh

just posting my long-winded summary i typed immediately after finished reading to talk about how bad it was; it ended up a lot longer than i intended and now i feel like i should at least keep what i put effort into typing =___=

so it starts with this guy who's been getting recurring nightmares of a girl who shapeshifts into a monster with a huge mouth and teeth eating him

one day a transfer student comes in and looks exactly like her(already outplayed trope of having dreams for no reason of reality that doesnt ever get explained, and it happens lots of times throughout

)around the same time strange events start happening around town: ex, truck driver found by police with markings of a mass insect attack, dogs and pets all getting attacked by swarms of ants and filling up the vet hospitals

the narrative goes back and forth btwn:

- the guy's (Ryoichi's) POV in class where he's just not approaching her and wary of her bc of his dream; he's Not Like Other Boys who get all horny over her bc she's perfect (beautiful, smart, mysteriously quiet, physically adept)

- and btwn this stereotypically wacky/eccentric scientist who was consulted by the police with the first caseturns out the scientist has been tracking down a series of seemingly unrelated murders that follow a clear path ending at Ryoichi's town

throughout the story there's some not so subtle dialogues about the earth going through global warming and species dying

the scientist spiels to some insignificant characters about how humans arent long for this earth, etc etc and how insects are amazing because of their adaptational abilities

he seems to know the transfer student girl, Kikuchi and is trying to track her down

meanwhile kikuchi is character-developed as some clearly dangerous but morally compromised monster-human hybrid who Only Preys on Bad Guys or people around at the wrong time

she gets hit on by some lecherous perv who asks her to karaoke and she actually agrees

there she straddles him and starts kissing him and then these tentacle things come ouit of her throat and go into his mouth

he slumps over and she leaves

the scientist-investigator duo are closing in on her and find the security camera tapes, from that they get a picture and show it around town to try to locate her

meanwhile Ryoichi is still like wow she's Scary and I'm Not Like Other Boys

then he happens to see her just as the old man from the karaoke bar (who seems to have not been killed and is just stumbling around acting drugged) finds her and attacks her

a fucking needle spike comes out of her arm and she defends herself by stabbing him and puncturing his skull and killing him

he sees all that and shes like well guess you're my hostage now and takes him to his house

she's also attracted to him inexplicably, partially because He's Not Like Other Boys and shes like WHY ISNT HE SECRETING PHEROMONES FOR ME(she can smell that

)then there's a weird "erotic" scene where she forces him onto the bed and deep throats him with her mouth tentacles

then there's just a LOT of dialogue thrown at us at once with the scientist just explaining a shit ton to his investigation partner whose character clearly only exists for hte sake of exposition

turns out he had a colleague when he worked on a super secret gov funded experiment called biosphere 2 where they sealed off a forest and bombed it with radiation and pollution n shit

they found that it endured a lot at first and it was because of the bugs (?) that it did until the bugs disappeared and were nowhere to be found, then the forest just died

they looked around and found mutated bugs sleeping inside the earth

his colleague had a daughter back then with a terminal illness so out of desperation he injected the dna of the mutated insects into her, hoping their resilience would change her body to survive the illness

so she lived but she was clearly not human, farming off of her dad - she wasnt able to produce endorphins anymore so her tentacle things would secrete an enzyme to get hte host to produce lots of endorphins and she would take it, creating a dependency

bc she was the only of her species to exist she felt a need to procreate so she also kept trying to mate with her dad 

then we find out that her dad had an identical twin who was raised by foster parents - and thats Ryoichi's dad, making Ryoichi and Kikuchi technically cousins, and genetically half-siblings

so thats why she was Inexplicably drawn to that town, and to him

she was wandering through japan because at some point her dad tried to kill her for humanity's sake, but bc of a random flood their town was wiped out and he wasnt able to kill her and she disappeared/survived the flood thanks to her ability to mutate in environmental changes

meanwhile she's been keeping him hostage to feed off of his endorphins and creating a dependency in him for the enzymes she would give him

until his mom accidentally comes into his room and sees, then she runs away and dies falling down the stairs lol

then he's all like ytou're a monster!!!!! and she threatens to kill the girl-next-door character in his friend group who seemed to have a thing for him/vice versa

so he's like: ill do anything just spare her!!!! 

so she forces him to answer the door when his friends are like why havent u been going to class and tell them to fuck off/be a dick to them

while theyre walking outside after to go somewhere else the scientist sees the girl (Chiken) and is like hEY you look sad and depressed there's nothing possibly else that could make u feel like that except having your childhood crush abducted by a halfhuman-half locust succubus

he shows her the picture and she recognizes her and leads him back to the house

then he gets a rifle to try to shoot her and theres a whole fight scene where she uses her pheromones to call upon the insects to swarm

ryoichi is useless because he found his moms corpse lying in the bathtub getting consumed by maggots she asked to fully decompose the body

then the scientist gets a couple shots in and fends her off, meanwhile random police get in the way to stop what looks just like a home invasion and she disappears

they take ryoichi into the hospital bc all the endorphin harvesting and brain fuckery has him weak

then ryoichi's dad comes in and is like how do you recognize who i am!! to the scientist who explains

oh yeah that's the point at which we find out ryoichi and kikuchi are related

and then he's still having dreams where she vores him and he's both horrified and wants it

meanwhile entire city is getting swarmed by insects in a disaster scene with society breaking down etc etc

kikuchi tracks them down by following ryoichi's scent (?)

then they have one last battle where they try to use the dad as a distraction bc he looks identical to her dead father

and somehow the scientist just FINDS specific chemicals/enzymes to throw on her and weaken the part of her thats an insect

also earlier before she got there he  whips out the mutant insect dna out of nowhere? like the extremely valuable dna that he should have no business just finding/still carrying around

and is like

hey lets inject ourselves with this because humanity is getting wiped out and attacked by insects rn anyway, the only way to live i sto adapt

but no one does it (lmao pointless inclusion) 

then they defeat her in a big struggle with ryoichi getting farmed on by her again and instead of just taking it has a Miraculous realization past the drugs that oh no this person is killing everyone i love

and CHOMPS on her tentacle thigns while their mouths are connected

scientist injuects her with more random dna he has to compromise her mutant dna and the insect swarming stops bc of the internal biological shit happening and she's writhing oon the ground

then looks like she dies

they try to escape the basement theyve been in because its suddenly flooding (no reason lmfao)

on the way out they get stopped by a teacher that she pricked with her spike earlier on who's been missing from school and his "insect bite" changed his behavior/ultimately made him into a different part human part bug who tries to kill them

then kikuchi who -surprise- hadnt died!@!! shows up again but now she's blond and looks almost exactly like Ryoichi (who is blond) because the thing the scientist injected in her enabled her to adapt to the water and she's still a  mutatn but Less Evil Somehow and he's like i thOUGHT U DIED.... I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU.. 

then epilogue is the scientist goign through his life normally and the city is recovered from the insect swarm and he sees another random global warming thing in the news and is like

“its only a matter of time before humanity perishes, but now is not that time....we're good.............,,,,,,,for now...and i know somewhere underwater something of humanity's legacy will live on”

and it cuts to ryoichi and kikuchi hugging in a very Shape of Water way underwater with tentacle thigns cause they went to live in the ocean

then there s a bad window for a sequel showing the teacher guy - SURPRISE - not actuially dead and crunching on humans in a sewer somewhere

STILL A FUN READ