#i dont want to fuck breekon and hope

[colin-robinsons-cardigan]

Me whenever Breekon and Hope are mentioned:

[bananonbinary]

jonah magnus actually is the funniest and lamest immortal in the show, like simon is the weird crazy old man you'd expect, literally indulging whatever impulse he wants and then fucking off consequence-free, rayner has a cult of worshippers, jude is...gay? and kills people i guess? (i dont really know what her day to day looks like since agnes died, i think she mostly fucks around. she's a pretty young immortal anyway.) breekon and hope are also gay and kill people...

and then this dick is like "i will be a bureaucratic asshole forever." i mean i guess he eats well, but its completely passive its gotta be like, the fast food of the eldrich world. he's sitting on 200 years of wealth plus the ability to blackmail anyone he wants, and he was like 'i would like to do spreadsheets and steal cake from shitty office parties and give vague fatherly advice to employees that vocally hate me everyday for eternity'

[sananaryon]

Magnus Archives dudes ranked by how much I, an aroace lesbian, would want to fuck them

Jonathan Sims - 7/10

Fairly middle of the road academic, would be the worst to make breakfast for the day after, but gets point for being a mess.

Martin Blackwood - 1/10

It's good for others but the teddybear vibes dont do it for me, i'm sorry

Tim Stoker - 9/10

He seems fun and I think he'd understand that this is no strings attached, we'd have a good time.

Elias Bouchard - 6/10

Evil old men are fuckable, but loses points for being the worst.

Gerard Keay - 3/10

I wouldn't fuck Gerard, I'd make him good food and let him stay at my place for as long as he needs.

Jurgen Leitner - 5/10

Look. He gets a worse rap than he deserves. That said he loses points for probably talking too much during sex.

Michael Crew - 7/10

I like his powers and he seems like a fun guy to fuck, plus scars are hot but seeing them also involves seeing a semi-buff dude shirtless which is like my biggest turnoff.

Michael Distortion - 6/10

I am a monsterfucker but i don't like his voice.

Peter Lukas - 3/10

Bear DILF is a great vibe but i feel like he'd wanna do it in Lonely and i'm cold at the moment so that sounds awful.

Oliver Banks - 3/10

He'd be an 10 if he hadn't said anything to trigger my thanatophobia halfway through. He'd make good breakfast after though.

Adelard Decker - 7/10

Saved more people than Gertrude, I'd fuck him just for that.

Eric Delano - 9/10

DILF

Michael Shelley (pre-Distortion) - 3/10

Another one that just doesn't do it for me, but he's cute enough.

Mikaele Salesa - 10/10

He has sugar daddy vibes, I'd fuck him for a new ps5 and he'd pay my bills.

Breekon & Hope - 10/10

Worse ways to spend a weekend than being spitroasted by buff delivery men with sexy voices.

John Amherst - 1/10

He has every std

Maxwell Rayner - 2/10

I mean, he's hot enough but next to Manuela everyone is a 1. This is the one time i let my lesbianism influence my judgement

Jordan Kennedy - 6/10

The ants are a turnoff but I respect a working man

Jared Hopworth - 10/10

I DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY THIS ONE

Tom Haan - 4/10

Cannibalism is hotter when women do it, I lied about not letting my lesbianism decide.

Robert Montauk - 8/10

Dilf AND serial killer? My panties are already wet

Trevor Herbert - 4/10

Points for being the same as Robert but he was mean to Daisy so fuck him in a non sexy way

Simon Fairchild - 4/10

His optimism just gets to the point of annoying, dude shut up about what a lovely day it is while im sucking you off!

Edwin Burroughs - 7/10

I wouldn't need possession to corrupt him

Raymond Fielding - 5/10

Middle of the road, I wouldn't say no but i wouldn't initiate.

Robert Smirke - 10/10

This is 100% because i study architecture and fucking Robert Smirke would give bragging rights forever.

[transmasc-wizard]

nico i am here to take you up on your offer to ask questions about tma so i can rp my silly little crossovers

anyway. i tried really hard to think of a way to ask this that would be funny, but that was surprisingly hard. so i'm just gonna ask.

can you explain the unknowing ritual to me like i'm five years old?? because i think i understand the basic gist from the wiki but i still feel unsure. also i like giving people the opportunity to infodump so please go off as muchas desired

i can try but i cannot stress enough it is so fucked up and so weird

cw . skinning. murder. general unsettlingness. some tma season 3 spoilers (avi i See You reading this post, dont fukcign click)

so! the Unknowing! In general, it is a ritual performed by agents of the Stranger in order to bring the Stranger into the current world. The Stranger being what it is, the ritual often resembles (or more accurately, is called) a "dance" and even sometimes has "The Dance" considered to be one of its other names.

there are 3 elements present in both versions of the unknowing (the 1700s one and the 2017 one alike): the "special dancer", who's basically like. the leader of the whole thing. in 2017, it's Nikola Orsinov, an agent of the stranger created by gregor orsinov from a mannequin and the skin of joeseph grimaldi. there's also the "choir", which in 2017, is a bunch of skinless victims of the anglerfish monster and a bunch of creepy motherfuckers (wax figures). finally, there's a Ultimate Super Special Skin. i believe in 2017 this was gertrude robinson and jurgen leitner's skins, but i may be wrong.

The unknowing has failed twice, first because the slaughter brought in canons and fucked everything up in the 1700s, and then because the eye brought in the Archives crew with a shit ton of explosives in 2017.

when the unknowing itself happens, everyone in the vicinity essentially loses the ability to recognize others as they are or understand what is actually going on. this results in things like jon thinking gertrude's skin being an absolute prick to him is gertrude herself speaking to him and blaming him for everything, and giving the detonator to the Anglerfish's Sara branch because he thinks she's Tim. at points Nikola also pretends to be Sasha, back from the dead.

certain people can reason their way through it; Basira literally logics out of the whole thing. like, she goes "well this is obviously all bullshit" and just starts Moving, hoping to get out. Avatars are also better at making sense of things, as evidenced by Jon being able to use his Beholding powers to understand flashes of what's going on.

if you also want like an actual plot explanation of what happened in the 2017 unknowing: jon, basira, daisy, and tim go to the wax museum; they plant the explosives; it starts; they get separated; jon mistakenly gives sara/the Anglerfish the detonator for the explosives; daisy gets eaten by (but not killed by) the Buried's coffin, after killing breekon; nikola taunts jon, including by having gertrude's corpse be an absolute dick to him and blame him for everything; basira starts reasoning her way out; [redacted character ill spoil if you really need me to] gets the detonator; [redacted] makes a joke about how nikola should go see the Great Grimaldi perform, she says that's not funny, and they just say "I know"; and finally, the detonator goes off, and the unknowing is destroyed. ([redacted] is the only one to die, but Daisy is still in the coffin.)

if there's anything else you needed covered just lmk!!!! i am going to go lie in a pool of tears now as i think about "that's not funny!!" "i know"

[anothergoddamistery]

so, i dont really know how tumblr works so I kinda hope this doesn't show up on anyone's feed, but I've decided that I'm using this like kind of a way to keep track of whatever is happening to my silly little paranormal crew. For the record, I'm currently on ep 94, so a lot has happened already but there's still a long way ahead.

Please, if someone somehow reads this, don't tell me anything about being right or wrong, I want to keep listening and see it by myself <3

Right now I know that there are this entities, gods or whatever involved and as far as know the monsters/entities/avatars belong to one of them?

The Eye (Elias, John, The Magnus Institute?)

The Beholding (my friend told me that the Eye and the Beholding aren't quite the same but they go together somehow?)

The Desolation (The Lighless Flame, Jude Perry, Agnes)

The Vast (Michael Crew, the Fairchilds?)

The End (Georgie's statement)

The Corruption (Jane Prentiss)

The Distortion (Michael)

The Stranger (The Unknowing ritual?)

Don't really know where to fit the Leitner books in here...

More stuff:

As Georgie pointed out in ep 93 (i think?): why did Elias (or the Eye) choose John as the Archivist? Why was he special? And why did they need to replace Gertrude? As far as I know she was doing quite well, right? She was getting closer to stopping the ritual John is supposed to stop, then why kill her? What was she doing "wrong"?

And besides, the creatures such as Jude Perry seemed quite happy to see her gone, but they don't have such reservations with John (yet). What was Gertrude doing? Let's not forget about that statement of the ritual that was most likely pulled up by the Lightless flame (ep 37)

Another question I'd like to answer:

What the fuck is inside the Do Not Open coffin? Is one of my fav episodes and it's still so unclear what the heck was that

I maybe tend to get caught on stupid details but after Jude Perry's statement I can't stop thinking about Tom (NotSasha's bf) who worked on a wax museum... like???? that's so specific

The Circus.... i know it's going to be so fucking bad but I need, crave, beg for answers. Does the Calliope turn people into muppets or smth?

The moving company or whatever that is (Breekon and Hope)... what is wrong with them, who are they. Btw there being more than one character with the same name is something that has happened before (I spent like a good amount of episodes thinking that there was only one Michael) but... one of the guys carrying the coffin was named Tom (ep 60)..................... [probably doesn't mean anything but still... weird]

Where is Gerard Keay I miss him

Daisy is giving not human ngl but idk

Elias is also giving not human. Like who is that man?? Who put him in charge???

Why does the recorder keep starting on by itself, that creepy old thing. I can't help but imagine the Eye or Elias or whatever it is listening to the recordings in real life and giggling, like dude give these people a little of privacy I don't think it's too much to ask.

Out of the people who disappeared in the fish market (ep 1) two have been already mentioned (if I didn't miss anyone). I'm pretty sure there were 6 people missing?

Im looking at the episode list and trying to remember things at this point

Ep 13: I think the Lukas family was also one of the families mentioned more than once.

Ep 18: what the fuck was that why did this man need so much meat

Are ep 27 and ep 85 related?

Ep 29 Cheating Death, so many questions in general

Ep 30 (Killing Floor) and ep 72 (Takeaway) are related, but I can't really fit them with any entity?

Ep 33 about the ship called the Tundra... feels like... unfinished

Ep 36 I know the guy from the Care Home was mentioned on another ep, can't remember on which one, tho

Ep 52 why did Maxwell Rayner visit Montauk on prison

Ep 58 how did the institute get this statement I'm so confused

Ep 59 why was Anges on that house, why did she help Ronald Sinclair. The table seems to be tied to the creature that replaces people (cause somehow notSasha was tied to it). Does that mean that the owner of the teenage home was a NotSomeone?

Ep 68 not really about the statement but I found it interesting that the institute statements were leaked in 1999.

Ep 74 weird, i don't understand why Michael is there

Ep 87 i was so confused about this one but the man giving the statement is such a legend, i think he deserves the best

Ep 90 just... what

Ep 92 why does Elias have a bunch of bones that are like 200 years old on his office, that's fucking weird, what a weirdo i don't like him. Also /Mordechai Lukas/

Im forgetting so many things i just know

There's also another thing that i don't really know where to fit: The cult of the divine host. They are gone since the section or division 31 idk how it is called (a c a b) interrupted the weird ritual. I have thoughts about them, but my thoughts are too complicated to write since Im stupid and i keep on writing on english instead of one of my first languages. Maxwell Rayner, Im keeping an eye on you.

[the-holy-ghosted]

was half debating making an instagram for my tumblr art until i realized anyone with my phone number would be reccomended my breekon and hope art account saying “hey look! this persons in ur contacts” and i dont think i want to expose myself like that until i move far far away from this town

[abelle25125]

tma merch ideas because please rusty quill i want to give you my money

- WTG and Ghost Hunt UK merch 

-entity enamel pins and patches 

- shitty recruitment posters for all the fears

- S5 apocalypse roadtrip postcards (helens been taking all the photos)

- grifters bone band merch 

- theatre posters advertising the unknowing 

- literally your main antagonist is a bureaucratic douchbag with evil employment contracts and you dont have a terrible job fair poster for it?

- admiral and good cows stickers  because we need fluff 

- Breekon and Hope deliveries logo where the back of the van resembles a coffin 

- there are so many wild location in tma just make ‘dont visit the Tundra’ posters or something please 

- Leitner bookplate stickers

- Leitner front covers as posters 

- archives tea chart 

-pamphlets for the Daedalus mission with a ton of disclaimers at the bottom 

- ‘Ceaseless watcher turn your gaze upon this wretched thing’ booty shorts ok i said it

- Magnus institute employee badge, like the intern ones wtnv has 

- you have a class system that allows for multiclassing - making fucking top trump cards? for all the different monsters? or something along those lines

-a sticker of Leitner being beaten up by gerry 

- or brutal pipe murder too, honestly anything that involves Leitner getting his ass handed to him

-Gertrude with a machete ... thats all 

- pride knife? represent?

- your eyes .... hand them over 

- literally there are so many eye jokes that could be made here 

- yall you got religious imagery in here, make some diptychs those would be so cool 

- please, im begging you, you can have gratuitous horror but please just use cannon designs for it i want the characters to be recognisable

- ok ok i get the quote merch is all well and good and most podcasts have them.......but...don’t just have the words? put them in a relevant shape or something just please .... don’t just have them be words 

- ‘have you seen this dog? if you have please help he shouldn’t be in the archives’

- merchable quotes speedrun GO:

    -brutal pipe murder

    - grubby jesus 

    - yes i know what a meme is

    - thats my rib

    - homophobic vase 

- sad but merchable quotes speedrun go :( 

    - unforgettable :(

    - i see you :(

    - not alone though :(    

    - i open the door :(

    - infinite tape recorder designs     

[arce-elliot]

Magnus Archives - First Impressions (51-75)

Back at it again!

EP 51 (High Pressure): - Simon Fairchild more like Simon Rudegrandpa EP 52 (Exceptional Risk): - wow okay acab time this guy fucking blows - AYYYY ROBERT MONTAUK EP 53 (Crusader): - AYYYY GERTRUDE TIME - ayyyy...more war time y'all the war ones are NOT my thing - we love private investigator gertrude EP 54 (Still Life): - oh taxidermy! this ought to be fun - "obnoxious cockney voices" ah gee it's beavis and butthead - JONATHAN BREAKING AND ENTERING IS A CRIME EP 55 (Pest Control): - jonathan please calm yourself - this poor pest control man like what the fuck EP 56 (Children of the Night): - Trevor 2 Electric Boogaloo - oh shit it's the yelly episode please no yell EP 57 (Personal Space): - ooooooh spaaaaaace - oh wonderful the fairchilds AND the lukas' - WAIT NOT-SASHA'S DATING A DUDE NAMED TOM I THOUGHT THAT WAS A MEME EP 58 (Trail Rations): - this Donner Party spinoff slaps EP 59 (Recluse): - ah yes hilltop road - Raymond Fielding is just 8000 spiders in a trenchcoat - "the others are avoiding me" YEAH NO SHIT, JONATHAN EP 60 (The Observer): - I always feeeeel like somebody's waaaatchin' meeeeeee - Eye leave this girl alone - LMAO THEY'RE HAVING AN INTERVENTION - "hey jon can u please stop stalking us" EP 61 (Hard Shoulder): - AYYYYYYY DAISY - Basira: we have to feed the archivist tapes or he's gonna get scared - BREEKON AND HOPE AH FUCK - "i dont want to talk to you anymore also here's how i ritualistically murder people for the state" EP 62 (First Edition): - Imagine possessing this book of skin that can store ghosts and killing dozens of people and you get murked by a weird nine year old EP 63 (The End of the Tunnel): - I adore Melanie and Jon's relationship it's hysterical, Just a lot of yelling and then "oh sorry" - Also love how they won't let her in the library but wandering freely around the institute is just fine EP 64 (Burial Rites): - love a statement where you're rooting for the monster, sorry white people have you tried Not Breaking Into Tombs EP 65 (Binary): - Man Eats Computer ASMR MUKBANG - Also the girls are FIGHTING EP 66 (Held in Customs): - every 15 or so episodes Mikhail has to drop in and fuck some shit up - Also @Jonny why the fuck we have Michael, Mikhail, and Mike - Use babynames.com like the rest of us EP 67 (Burning Desire): - AGNES AGNES AGNES - aww this guy seems sweet actually - Elias has had it up to HERE lmao EP 68 (The Tale of a Field Hospital): - yay. another war one. woo. - oh jk - good lord this man's a proper mess - AYYYYYY NOT!SASHA SAVES THE DAY EP 69 (Thought for the Day): - poor Marto just wants his friends to stop fighting :c - OH ANNABELLE? - joooooon let your friends help yoooooou EP 70 (Book of the Dead): - final destination x death note crossover - ah yes, we've found the Burning Room EP 71 (Underground): - this girl is so unsettling why is she so chill - god i know it isn't but imagine if they person living in the tunnels this whole time leaving these wrappers was just fucking Gerard EP 72 (Takeaway): - Basira please be careful I love you - okay this guy is kinda funny ngl - PFFFF THIS DUDE REALLY SAID "shit i dont want my last thought to be a microagression" - Jon is fed up with the Flesh lmao EP 73 (Police Lights): - basiiiiira - lets go Mr. Cult of Night Night Man - honestly basira good for you get the fuck outta there EP 74 (Fatigue): - this one is trippy i blinked and all of a sudden there's a ceiling fan - AYYYY HEY MICHAEL!! - yo elias keep a better handle on these fuckin tunnels dude there's all sorts of shit going on in here E 75 (A Long Way Down): - is this Mike Crew throwing this dude off the building - AYYYY IT IS WHAT'S GOOD LIGHTNING BOY - basira is the baddest bitch i love her so much

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

[neverdoingmuch]

okay! tma au time!

so i’m gonna start off by saying jgs is elias in this au. i dont care what you say about elias’ sexy voice or charisma or whatever, they’re both slimy and evil. also gertrude, so to speak, is wen chao. (bear with me pls)

most other people are assistants. i think? i mean lwj, wwx, jzx and a few others are?

(my brain says it would be funny to have lwj as sasha and su she as not!sasha but lwj deserves better than that)

i’m not really gonna follow the plot of tma bc rip

anyway!

the assistants are just kind of vibing in the archives when they discover that wrh, who’s like the chief of police and is an avatar of the slaughter, is actively killing people for the fears bc acab

does he have a deal with jgs and that’s why wen chao is the archivist? yeah probably. wen chao is the archivist bc daddy had connections. wrh put jgs in charge and sent wen chao to make sure everything was running how wrh wanted it to be

yeah, wrh wants to have control over all the fears or something idk

so wen chao is the archivist. but unlike gertrude who purposefully made things really messy and a nightmare he’s just really incompetent. wen zhuliu is the avatar of the distortion and theyre tight bc zhuliu owes wrh or whatever.

so the wrh stuff comes out and a bunch of people band together to try and bring justice to him and thus we have the sunshot campaign

maybe all the families have their own fears? the lans are the lonely and the nies are the hunt. jfm and yzy are avatars of the bad parenting idk. 

anyway, before they took any action, wwx had already started investigating bc wen chao is a lil bitch and very suspicious

while investigating wwx gets sucked into the archivist stuff and ends up being thrown into the tunnels under the institute with wen zhuliu who then proceeds to do distortion fuckery for three months

he finally escapes and kills wen zhuliu using the powers he’d begun to develop in the tunnels (it’s so strange that he stumbled across a tape recorder which he’d named chenqing and after that he kept finding statements,,, so strange)

he’s killed wen zhuliu so he goes off and kills wen chao and now he’s the archivist whoo

he joins up with the others and they go kill wrh, sweet it’s all dealt with but jgs starts spreading shit about how all the wens are terrible and must be killed (including wen qing’s family who are like paramedics who work ed with the police, so not cops but forced to work w/ them)

while jgs is touting that bs jgy is in the background slowly manipulating wwx into getting all the different marks (idk what they were called) from the different fears

he gets kidnapped by xue yang who is nikola and spends a month getting moisturised by him and told that wow he’s so impressive killing the other avatars,, im gonna follow in your footsteps (let’s say that avatars have a truce not to kill each other in this world. like they’re all equals and pretty much the same strength so there’s no real point in killing each other or trying to kill each other)

wwx escapes and im kinda annoyed we dont have enough bad guys for wwx to properly get his marks but whatever

he goes back to the archives and they come up with a plan to kill xue yang and they go off and do it

imma let you pick what happens here. does jzx die? do we let xxc and sl have the spotlight and this is where their story comes into play?

whatever happens, wwx goes into a coma for thirteen months and enter extremely hot avatar of the end who helps him wake up (mo xuanyu?? mo xuanyu.)

he goes back to the archives and lwj has been taken by the lonely while he was gone so he’s working with his uncle again (the lans are the lukases and i take no criticism)

side note: in this au wwx gets two phobias! (gee wwx! how come you get to have two phobias?)

so mr spider was definitely a thing and so were the dogs

while wwx was on the streets he found this book and he’d just started learning how to read so he decided to practise but then some other kid stole it from him and he ended up watching him get eaten by a giant spider also the dogs attacked him bc no rest for wwx

does wwx pretend not to be aware?? i’d say yes. if not bc of trauma then bc it’s super obvious and the look on lwj’s face when the jane prentiss equivalent attacks and wwx says wow those worms were a lil weird huh? is so funny to him

anyway lwj was in the know the whole time and he probably moved out of his family home and joined the archives so he could investigate jgs but then wwx dies and hes like aight yeah imma feel real lonely right now

so wwx comes back and jc, who had been the host of ghost hunt CW (cultivation world) and was attacked by an evil ghost, tries to kill him

after their fight and subsequent freedom from the slaughter and the eye (sans eye removing bc fuck that) jc moves in with jyl

im sorry that what the girlfriends isnt a thing here but i love the idea of a jyl who just isnt scared of anything because she’s seen death and just can’t get scared anymore

she still dates an archives employee though. it’s jzx, who is kinda like tim in this au i guess? did he die in that explosion? (i want to say no so jyl would be happy but if he dies and she’s mourning him and jc and wwx fought,, well now wwx is alone for bad decision times)

one day wen qing comes up and is like pls help my brother, he’s been taken by the buried so wwx runs off and finds breekon and hope (su she and jin zixun), kill jin zixun and steals the coffin

the rest of the wens are in hiding atm so he doesnt have to like monkey chain all the wens out of the coffin 

so wwx goes inside the coffin and rescues wen ning (bc jon and daisy’s relationship was super sweet)

they get out and immediately run away with wen qing and the rest of the wens

where do they go? wen qing’s cute cottage in scotland (or cultivation world equivalent)

so they’re living as farmers and wwx is getting sick bc he can’t get statements from here but he has to protect them bc the jins keep attacking (what are the jins working for?? idk. the vast? the dark? who knows, not me)

anyway lwj comes and is like you have to come back to gusu/the archives and wwx is like no! bc he has to protect the wens

so lwj is like fuck ive gotta move my timeline up and find a way to off jgs

jgy ends up doing it and lwj is like /: my revenge,,

everyone is happy! jgs is dead, wrh is dead! but then jgy starts stirring up rumours about wwx and lwj is honestly so tired of this shit

and bc people keep attacking the wens, wwx manages to collect the rest of the marks from the other fears

jgy sends his letter: dear wwx sorry for the deception yada yada yada

but wwx is aware of that shit and just kills himself before he can finish reading it

whoo apocalypse averted but lwj comes to help with the wens just in time for his burial so not whoo?

anyway we know wwx isn’t dead and he’s just vibing in another coma or something equivalent (why does he die twice in this au? bc idk how s5 will end but it’s a tragedy horror podcast and i want them to be happy so he gets to die twice)

anyway, the avatar of the web, mister manipulation and secrets extraordinaire nie huaisang is very pissed after jgy manipulated his brother into becoming an avatar of the slaughter and decides to just expose the dude

lxc kills him bc he deserves to kill jgy tbh,,, manipulative toad

nhs also restores wwx’s rep bc they were besties in uni and i refuse to accept anything else

he rocks up to the cottage/farm and is like hey guys i helped clear wwx’s name and wen qing is like hes fucking dead what help were you? and nhs is like ?? he’s not dead

so they unbury him and lwj wakes him up through the power of love and all that jazz

anyway, wwx manages to do *insert super cool thing here* and gets rid of all the fears and they get a happy ending bc i really want them to have a happy ending

do they stay living on the farm/cottage with the wens?? no but they buy a cottage nearby and happily live there together raising rabbits and growing idk pumpkins

[boneles-ss]

*!!!!!!SPOILERS FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!*

Things about the Magnus archives (mostly season 5) and it’s fandom that make my lungs collapse with the sheer amount of serotonin that floods my entire body when I see them

The fact that no matter what you do or how good of an artist you are Jared Hopworth will always look like a blobfish

Anytime Jon has an ace ring I literally combust

“ACAB” vs “I am gay” werewolf wife (also please I need more basira art please I need it please she is beautiful plea—)

Breekon and Hope: these homies have been happily married as a joke and as a fuck you to Peter and Elias for over 300 years

Tim “Kool-Aid Man” Stoker

The 15th fear: Teenagers (+I’m about to throw hands with a 13 year old)

Jonny Sims had to kill off the only canonical brain cells in the pre-canon and the first season (rip Sasha and Gertrude)

SIMON FUCKINH FAIRCHILD WHAT AN ABSOLUTE MADMAN HES BEEN MY FAVORITE AVATAR SINCE WE MET HIM AND HE KEEPS GETTING BETTER I DONT KNOW WHY IT TOOK HIM YEETINF HIMSELF OUT OF THE SKY TO LAND ON HIS ASS IN FRONT OF THE LITERAL MOST IMPORTANT COUPLE IN EXISTENCE FOR EVERYONE TO REALIZE HIS POTENTIAL AS A COMEDIC GOLD MINE THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING HIM JONNY SIMS HES JUST A USELESS IDIOT GRANDPA BIRD RAT STUPI

WTGFs Georgie and Melanie, blind, fearless, and WILL kick your ass

*sounds of brutal pipe murder*

Here is a alphabetized list of why you cannot and frankly should not kill me: 1) it’s rude. Thanks, The End. Jon: “fair enough” Martin: *pikachu face*

“You fear the Dark when you’re a CHILD and then you GROW UP to have more MATURE fears, like a TRIPPY MERRY-GO-ROUND WHERE YOU STEAL PEOPLE’S EXISTENCES”— Jonny Sims

Jonah crying on a dramatic couch in the panopticon and listening to tik tok-assigned theme song on repeat as his only source of self-esteem because even his god thinks he’s a bitch bastard

The “We Actively Know He’s Probably Listening and We Still Love to Disrespect Elias” gang

Jon but brian david gilbert

The Home of Phobia https://bugeyesandstumpy.tumblr.com/post/622671728278126592/remember-the-lonely-house-with-uncomfy-chairs-in

He was subjected to the ultimate fear of Being Known

martin the murder cheerleader martin the murder cheerleader martin the murder cheerleader

+Helen the godawful “listen to Martin :D!!” couple’s therapist and queen of the jonmartin fanbase (I especially love all the theories about her she’s very fun and spooky)

“Hello? Hello hello??? — phone guy Annabelle Kane

Nikola being HORRIFIED at the fact that Jon doesn’t moisturize

Martin “I’m traumatized, my new boyfriend is a monster, I love him so much, and I’m about vicariously to go feral” Blackwood.

Manuela’s tiny, evil sun https://bugeyesandstumpy.tumblr.com/post/622776071826325504

And last but certainly not least because they’re what started this whole tumblr spiral (hahahahahahaha) and deserve honorable mentions

“I want. Another. Divorce”

the kayaking trip

And all the ensuing chaos

(If anyone ever sees this as I’ve never posted anything of my own before, please feel free to add your own favorite things if you want, I probably missed some good ones that I will also be adding as everything gets closer to imminent sobbing :)

[arce-elliot]

Magnus Archives - First Impressions (Ep. 26-50)

Into Season 2 now! More reactions from someone who had 75% of the series spoiled for them.

EP 26 (A Distortion): - !!!Sasha Statement!!! - reaching INTO her shoulder??? fucking no?? michael can you chill??? - OH okay he was helping nevermind

EP 27 (A Sturdy Lock): - this is just a sad old man

EP 28 (Skintight): - MELANIE!!!!! - G E O R G I E  N A M E D R O P

EP 29 (Cheating Death) - Wowee another war one - Fiona Law sounds familiar from somewhere - AYYY Gertrude you old hag

EP 30 (Killing Floor): - Meat 2 Electric Boogaloo: this time with more meat - Remember that one scene in "What Remains of Edith Finch" yeah i get those vibes

EP 31 (First Hunt): - HUNT EPISODE HUNT EPISODE - Oh America? Nice - "i heard whistling" FUCKING BYE - Jon is so tired I'm sorry little bastard man

EP 32 (The Hive): - GOD that was so unsettling wtf - Jane Prentiss is terrifying - Also OLIVER BANKS i think NEAT

EP 33 (Boatswain's Call): - TIMOTHY MY BOY - ah shit peter lukas time - Elias: "research the statements no not that one"

EP 34 (Anatomy Class): - "bone, blood, fruit" IS THIS THE FUCKING APPLE TEETH THING - lmao gimme ur bones - these poor eldritch horrors just wanted to learn :c

EP 35 (Old Passages): - "teenager in all black" ah yes hello Gerard - listening to regular people just dealing w/ Gerard is hilarious - BREEKON AND HOPE??????

EP 36 (Taken Ill): - aww poor old people - Trevor and Julia up to some bullshit I see - ah shit here's that fuckin table

EP 37 (Burnt Offering): - Jon being annoyed at Martin, nice start - Ayy old lady that's Gertrude - DING DING DING i'm a genius - Jon take a nap good lord

EP 38 (Lost and Found): - OH HELL YES HOMOPHOBIC VASE TIME HERE WE GOOOOOOOO - every time Sasha speaks I get so sad I don't want her to go :C

EP 39 (Infestation): - not the bye bye sasha episode :c - stop YELLIN u nerds this is CHAOS - Martin and his fuckin corkscrews lmao - "i refuse to become another goddamn mystery" jon bestie i'm afraid to tell you this - "i don't know what happened to gertrude, she's officially still missing" yet again, jon, bestie, i'm afraid to tell you this - someone right "tim over here" on a piece of fuckin paper and slam it on the window - SASHA NO YOU DUMB SHIT - YES MARTIN GET HIS ASS - oh nice we're trauma bonding - Timmy to the rescue! - SASHA NO MY BABY - this podcast sucks i'm crying i hate it here

EP 40 (Human Remains): - I LIVED THROUGH THAT AND THIS IS MY REWARD, A STATEMENT FROM RAT BASTARD??? i hate it here - hey jon? yell at martin one more time see what happens - your boss is an eldritch monster but oh no scawy gun

EP 41 (Too Deep): - jon really soundin like a whole dumbass here ngl

EP 42 (Grifter's Bone): - *Holt voice* BONE??? - hey lady maybe dont do -gestures to the entire episode- - LEAVE MARTIN ALONE YOU SHIT

EP 43 (Section 31): - wait do i know this voice? she sounds familiar might be from tiktok tho - BASIRA! BASIRA! AYYYYY! FINALLY ANOTHER BRAIN CELL! sasha: dies elias: shit fuck Jon needs a brain cell basira: -makes a statement- elias: perfect are you currently employed - wait is this the fucking uhhhhh other burned dude in the gerry hospital episode???? - B O O K - OH FUCK DAISY - supplementals be like "dear diary, i am still paranoid as shit, end supplemental"

EP 44 (Tightrope): - GERTRUDE! - this statement giver is a clown purist - ah shit circus of the other lol

EP 45 (Blood Bag): - mosquito stinky - stop spying on Tim damn it - HE'S YOUR FRIEND YOU FOOL

EP 46 (Literary Heights): - MIKE CREW AYYY - Run boy run the enderman's gonna get ya - Jon continues to be a Perfectly Reasonable Individual

EP 47 (The New Door): - Michael time? Please Michael Time - OH HELEN? - helen being a real estate agent makes everything i know about her make sense now - MICHAEL THERE HE IS! THERE'S MY BOY!

EP 48 (Lost in the Crowd): - "there's a purity in being alone when you travel" must be nice to be a cishet white man - WAIT IT'S A WOMAN WTF LADY UR GONNA DIE - "long black hair" oh lord hello my dear Gerard gerard: i'm going on holiday this lady: -reeks of the lonely- gerard, grumbling: i swear I have to do everything my damn self

EP 49 (The Butcher's Window): - "Butcher's Window" oh boy we love a good flesh episode - Ah yes the other Jared - we love bi king Tim

EP 50 (Foundations): - I wasn't paying attention to the date so when the statement giver said "Dear Jonah" I about shit myself - Tim no I like Basira