#i drop by once in a while and see a stupid meme and...yeah

[wrioluvr]

flirty playboy x mature male reader

this stupid ass meme had been on my mind forever and i realised how funny it would be to have a slutty playboy who just sleeps with anyone to seriously pine over a more mature, secure guy who doesn't fall for any of his shallow charms and tricks.... here are just some blurbs of their dynamic (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)

his name is roman. he's a little toxic, but he just wants to be loved.

cw: some smut, top male reader

it all started with a little night out. you didn't do those often, due to devoting most of your time towards work and earning a stable career, but finishing this particularly gruelling assignment called for a celebration. at the bar, dancing with your friends, a good-looking man with a playful glint in his eyes approached you full of bravado. he told you how handsome you were, and had been eyeing you from across the room for a while now. but from a single glance, you could tell he was the type to break hearts. beach-blonde dyed hair, a tight fitting tank top revealing his muscular build, an eyebrow piercing, the way his mouth curled up so subtly into a little smirk.... he was everything you knew to avoid getting serious with. but a little hookup couldn't hurt, right? you deserved a little fun.

and it didn't hurt you at all. a few failed relationships had made you wise beyond your years, knowing to easily seperate the good guys from the bad. you knew your self-worth. roman, on the other hand, was absolutely smitten. no other man had fucked him THIS good, gave him such gentle aftercare, and even let him stay as long as he needed. the way you so effortlessly lifted his legs up to thrust in and out of him at a rhythmic pace, or fondling his tits and squeezing his nipples softly while you hit it from the back, or tenderly running your fingers down his spine, arching it sensually.... he loved it all. it was clear to him that you prioritised his pleasure as much as your own, and it showed in how he orgasmed several times before you even came in him once, panting breathlessly while wearing the sluttiest expression of his life. it was nothing like any of the men he had sex with before. afterwards, you let him stay the night in a guest room, and even brewed a cup of coffee for him in the morning.

roman was damn near tears when you offered to drop him off at his house before you headed off to work. if he was being honest with himself, his insecurities were the root of his constant need for sexual intimacy, so being treated with genuine kindness for once was new to him.

"is dropping you off here alright?" you ask, turning into the road of his apartment complex.

"y-yeah...." he looks out the window, unsure how to look you in the eyes.

"okay. thanks for last night. stay safe." your words carried an air of finality to them, like you were so sure the two of you would never cross paths again. he didn't like that.

"uh, uh......" he stuttered, all his usual flirtatiousness thrown out the window as he couldn't meet your gaze. "could i... get your number?"

your friendly smile froze on your face. "uhhhh.... sorry, i'm not really looking for anything serious right now."

he quickly regained his composure, charm turned up to the max. shifting his tank top so more of his chest was exposed and you could notice his nipples protruding, roman whispered in a low tone, "that's okay! we can just be casual... and fuck anytime you like." a wink. a hand on your thigh.

"jeez... okay, no offense, but i've heard rumours from my friends that you're a bit of a... playboy. i'm not interested in being your toy, sorry."

roman's face flushed in embarrassment, knowing what you said was true. except the part on him seeing you as a toy. that was untrue. he could feel a warmth growing from the pit of his stomach at the thought of spending more time with you. were these... butterflies?

maybe begging would work.

"okay fine, i am a bit of a player... but please, please, pleaseeeeeee.... let's be in contact, okay? as friends?" roman sniffled pathetically, shaking your shoulder in desperation. he needed to be in your presence. why weren't his usual maneating tactics working?!?!

"alright. here you go. just don't spam me or anything, okay? i gotta go for work. see you." you sigh, a little exasperated but choosing not to let it show. he immediately lit up, typing your number in his contacts and saving many hearts next to your name. you prayed your acts of basic human decency wouldn't cause him to catch feelings. you needed to focus on your job right now.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

3:02pm

[romanbabyxx]

hiiiiiii

[romanbabyxx]

i know you said not to spam you but like

[romanbabyxx]

i miss u

[romanbabyxx]

can we meet up at the bar for drinks or something like that? please?

3:10pm

you check the messages on your phone, rolling your eyes and ignoring them. he was probably sending this text to at least three other guys right now. he had a history of cheating, based on what you heard from your friends. you weren't going to be another one of his victims.

5:35pm

[romanbabyxx]

are u ignoring me?

[romanbabyxx]

im sorryyyyyyyy

[romanbabyxx]

pls hit me back when ur free

7.30 pm

[name]

sorry, just got off work. will be super busy this week, so not free. mb.

[romanbabyxx]

oh, its okay! next week then?

[name]

i'll see

this went on for a few weeks, you constantly evading his invitations, being polite and professional, never too intimate over text. roman was starting to get fed up. he's so used to getting everything he wants, he doesn't know what to do when he actually has to work for the one he desires. he actually hadn't hooked up with anyone since your one night stand, but you didn't believe that.

roman was at his wits' end. he could only think of one final plan to get your attention.

trying to make you jealous.

over the next week, he hooked up with any and everyone he met in the bar, not bothering to keep his slutting around discreet. he wanted you to hear the rumours. he wanted you to feel a sense of unease within your very being. he wanted you to feel possessive. he wanted you, to want him. the whole time, even as he was getting fucked, he could only imagine you caressing him, holding him close, loving him.

his deeds didn't go unnoticed. your friends told you about it, yet you didn't feel anything in the slightest. you were right, after all... he forgot about you within a week and moved on to whichever poor man he would leave high and dry next.

the next time you bumped into him at the bar, roman was his usual, party-loving self, excitedly slinging an arm around you, a drink in hand. his plan had to work, surely? you would be begging to have him back. but yet, when he offhandedly (yet so intentionally) mentioned how much dick he had been getting the past week, anticipating your change in expression, nothing happened. "oh. good for you." was all you said.

he sputtered, flustered by your calm demeanour. didn't you care? at all?! "but.... but.... aren't you jealous? that i've been hooking up with other guys?!"

you stare at him, a genuine quzzical expression plastered across your face. "why would i be? it's not like we're dating or anything. it was just a one time thing."

your words hit like a knife through his heart. he clutched his chest dramatically, a pout forming on his lips. "i'll be faithful! i promise!" his words came out more desperate than he intended. he felt so vulnerable, so naked, yet you were the face of serenity. your unimpressed eyes stared through his soul, as if you were scrutinising his very core. he knew you could heal him, make him feel loved, but he was starting to doubt there was any possibility you would feel the same.

"i'm sure that's what you said to the last guy you cheated on."

.

.

.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i intended for this to be lighthearted but why was it actually kinda depressing tbh

[opalcicle]

If They Call Me a Slut, You Know it Might be Worth it for Once

Chapter 7. Pretty Girls and Brainrot

Angst. Horny Angst.

Charlie helped me pack up my equipment and took me home. He was gentle and patient with me, and I felt like shit for it.

I am sitting in my shower, all shampoo'd and scrubbed, but I don't want to leave to face the real world. Admittedly, I'm just allowing myself to sink into my own sad thoughts.

We were having such a nice time and I fucking ruined it. I rub my temples as the water starts to cool down. I literally started crying after sex like a fucking loser.

I lean forward and turn off the water but don't get up to move, instead yanking the towel down from the bar and wrapping up in it

And now I'm wallowing like a bitch.

I desperately need to clear my head. With barely dry hands I reach for my phone, ignoring new notifications and opening the message from Tina.

Hi! I'd love to head to the bar this weekend.

I send the message and open tiktok to scroll through brainrot. Maybe I can distract myself out of this with pretty girls and stupid memes. I'm only a few videos in before I instinctively hit the share button, my thumb hovering towards Charlie's account.

"Fuuck," I said it outloud, leaving my phone on the bathroom counter and walking out into my apartment. "What the fuck do I do now?"

-----

Charlie's POV

I drive home after saying goodbye to my shaky friend. Guilt and grief sitting heavy in my chest.

"I shouldn't have fucked her," I berate myself, "She's the best fucking person I've ever met, and she left my house in tears."

When I make it home I pace the floor, eyeing the mess we'd made before I accidentally let those words slip out. I consider cleaning but something in me doesn't want to get rid of the remnants of our night together. Instead I close myself in my office, seeing whose online.

Condi, Grizzly, Jaiden, Tom, Bizly. Jealousy flares up when I look at Bizly's name on the screen.

Condi's good at this shit.

Hey man, are you busy? I fucked up.

Yeah, give me a sec.

I light a joint in my office and hope the neighbors don't notice. Condi's name pops up on discord along with a ringing in my headphones.

"Hey, man, what's up?" He greets me.

"Well, she stayed the night,"

He pauses for a moment, "Oh shit. What happened?"

"It was- it was great, we were having a great time, and this morning- fuck man, I told her I loved her,"

"Oh shiiiit," his tone is serious. "While you were in bed?"

"Yeah like after we- yeah, it was so awkward, and then we tried to talk about it and she freaked."

"Charlie, man, you probably scared the shit out of her,"

"I know! I know, but now I don't know what to do. She tried to leave, but she had her camera stuff here, and like, I held her while she cried, and I drove her back, and we said bye, and man it was so fucking tense,"

"I'm sorry dude. Look, Grizzly and I are heading to Bizly's place later. Do you wanna-"

"No, oh fuck dude," I cut him off. "Oh shit, Condi she slept with him. This weekend. I was trying to be chill about it."

"Charlie, this is a fucking mess,"

"Fuck, I know," I rest my head in my hands.

There's a big pause.

"Okay, I told the guys I couldn't make it, I'll be over in like a half hour."

"Shit, thanks Condi," my voice comes out a little quieter, "I gotta get cleaned up here, I'll let you go for now,"

"Sure. See you soon,"

The call ends. I sit here staring at the screen. Her name is offline. God, I want to call her.

I clean up the dishes and throw my sheets straight into the washing machine, then wait for Condi to make it over.

----

Saturday.

I haven't heard from her in the days since I dropped her off. Giving her space, I'd been spending my time recording videos and editing. It's painful to not know how she's been doing. After Grizzly got the story he insisted I come out this weekend, promising me he'd help keep distance between me and Bizly. Now that it's almost time, I'm tempted to cancel.

Griz is at my door before long. "Hey, how you holding up?"

"I'm fine," I lie.

"Well you will be, we're gonna have a great night," he says, patting me on the shoulder and walking into my place. He looks sympathetic but keeps his tone excited.

"Yeah, we've got some pre-drinks, Uber in an hour, and there will be a bunch of people we know out tonight," Condi said, walking in and closing the door behind him. He sets a 6 pack on the counter, eyeing over the dirty dishes that have started to stack up.

"Yeah!" Grizzly continues, "Ted gonna be there, and it sounds like he's bringing Eddie. Jaiden and some of her friends. It's literally your crowd of people,"

I push away my trepidation. We crack open beers and turn on my switch, starting up a round of Smash Bros. Time flies and we make it through a few drinks. I've got a decent buzz going when we leave for the bar.

Ted and Schlatt are the first people I notice and I make my way over to them, the boys breaking off to meet up with Bizly at a table. I feel a little guilt that I can't face him yet. It would be a shit move to let a girl get in the way of our friendship. Maybe I'll talk to him after a few more drinks.

"Hey, Charlie!" Ted greeted, dapping me up as I meet them at the bar.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" I smile, genuinely pumped to see more friends.

"Getting shots!" Schlatt booms out, as a bartender sets two down in front of them. He slips her a bill, "One more, toots?"

We catch up and I slam back a shot when mine arrives. I get a beer for myself as well.

"Fuck man, what's been going on?" Ted asks after setting the glass back down.

"Ah you know, same old," I shrug, "What about you?"

Ted goes off on several tangents and the two of us wander off to chat as Schlatt talks up two girls at the bar. Eventually Eddie joins us and we all joke for a while before their girlfriends approach and they take their leave.

I find my way to the table that the boys had sat in, and it's just the four of us when a waitress sets down a big tray of shots. We drink and Bizly speaks up, "Hey Charlie I haven't heard from you in like a week, what's going on with you?"

Condi and Grizzly exchange a look, but I'm drunk enough and feeling good, laughing, "Ah yeah- I had a- um- I had a date and it didn't go great, I've kinda been keeping to myself,"

Condi looks worried and Grizzly stops mid drink, coughing. Bizly slaps Griz on the back, and responds, "Aw shit, sorry to hear tha- wait," I see the gears turning in his head and brace myself. "Was it- did you-?"

"Yeah- yeah- she came over the other night and my stupid ass accidentally confessed my love for her," I say with a drunken sheepishness.

"Oh! Oh shit, well thats- damn," he looks nervous, eyes wide. The two of us both know that the other is into her, I mean, obviously so after last weekend. But I don't think I ever mentioned to him that I had feelings.

"It's okay man- I know that you- that uh- you know," liquid courage had taken me over, but I still didn't want to have to say it.

"Fuck, man I'm sorry, I didn't know,"

"It's fine, I mean, like, it's whatever," I say it with a confidence that sounds almost convincing enough to believe.

It seem to be enough, and the two other guys visibly relax. Conversation moves on, we order more drinks, and the night's going by nicely. I'm feeling relaxed and having a great time until I see Bizly's eyes widen and look over my shoulder. He smacks Grizzly, who follows his gaze. I lean over to see what they're looking at, and can't figure it out for a moment.

Then I see her. She's taking a shot at the bar, the girl from the party last weekend practically hanging off of her.

"Fuck," I say, as she turns to see the four of us staring. Her face drops. "Oh fuck," I say again.

---

Your POV

I wait outside the bar for Tina, puffing on a cigarette. We'd been chatting a bit and I learned that we were here for someones birthday. There are supposed to be a bunch of other streamers and YouTubers inside. I think about the fact that I haven't streamed in weeks and feel a little guilty. It's fine. I'll catch up on the photography edits for Char-. I'll finish my other work and stream later this week.

Tina gets out of the back of a car with three others. She waves them inside when she notices me and almost skips over, the cutest smile on her face.

"Hey!" I greet with a smile as she bounces up and takes the smoke from my hand, puffing it before returning it to my fingers.

"Hi! I'm so glad you made it, you look so good!" She checks me out while giving me the compliment. I'm wearing a corsette top and a little black skirt, with my tallest, most fun platforms.

"You too," I smile while eyeing her cute slip dress.

"Hey I hear my song playing, let's get in there," she beams.

I put out my smoke and she grabs me by the hand, pulling me behind her. We make it onto the dancefloor as the first chorus of APT plays. She's got a huge smile on her face and it's contagious. I join her jumpy dance and giggle as she dramatically mouths the lyrics. As the song changes I pull her closer, sliding my arms around her waist. With starry eyes she sways her hips and our bodies press together. It's a Billie Eilish song that I don't recognise, but Tina is very much into it.

She looks so pretty and her body feels nice. My hands slide over her hips as she moves, the silkiness of her dress making it hard to keep them in one place. I don't think either of us mind. The dance floor is decently full and we're nicely lost in it. I flash her a flirty smile and lean in like I'm going to whisper in her ear. Instead, my lips brush against the side of her face, planting quick kisses before I pull back to keep dancing. I hear a faint gasp through the music and she's got a little grin when I glance at her face again. She's sweet and soft and it makes me want to be gentle with her.

We make it through a few more songs before I pull her away to the bar, "Can I buy you a drink?" I say as we approach, holding hands over the counter.

She nods enthusiastically and I get the bartenders attention. She orders something expensive but I don't flinch. I like the thought of giving a pretty girl a good time. I pause when it's my time to order, thinking of the orange creamcicle drink I had the other night, and go for a vodka coke instead. I hand the bartender cash and we step away with our drinks.

Some of her friends approach, handing us shots, and she introduces me, sliding an arm around my waist. Before too long she's chatting in a giggly quiet tone with what I assume are her close friends. They glance at me and I smile each time. It's obvious she's talking about me and it's cute as hell.

My head scans over the room, checking to see who's here. There's Ted, Eddie, Schlatt, and Jarvis at a booth on the far side of the dance floor. It would be nice to catch up with them. Jaiden and Jacob have made it to the dance floor. Oh. There's Bizly and Griz. Oh shit they see me. I glance down to where Tina is hanging off my arm, then glance back up. Condi's also looking and- oh shit, shit, shit, that's Charlie. We lock eyes for a moment and I turn away.

-----

Charlie's POV

She looks away, back to the girl she's with. She looks good. I freeze, starring at her. If she was watching me she'd see my face getting redder.

"Hey, man," Grizzly interrupts my thoughts and I snap back.

"Uh yeah, yeah, okay," I say, unconvincingly trying to come off as alright. Bizly is still looking past us and I have to force myself to not turn back immediately.

"Dude," Condi kicks Bizly under the table.

"Fuck, jeez," Bizly makes a face at him but his attention is back too.

"Are you guys gonna be cool?" Grizzly asks, concerned.

"Yeah man, it's fine," Bizly responds, and everyone's attention turns to me.

"Sure," I say, and the other three carry on in conversation. I want to run over to her, to ask her how she's been. The back of my mind itches while I catch Bizly stealing glances towards the bar. As his eyes trail over to the dance floor next to us, mine follow. There she is, in the middle of the crowd. She is dancing with that girl, their hands on eachother.

"I'm gonna get some air," I announce, turning to walk away. When I get outside I realize Condi's followed me. The cool night air feels good on my face. After a long pause I say outloud, "I gotta talk to her,"

"Here? Are you sure?" is what he asks. I can hear in his voice that he's not trying to change my mind.

"Yeah, I just need a few moments and a couple of drinks,"

"Okay dude," he sighs, leaning against the brick wall.

----

Your POV

My date pulls me to the dancefloor again, more handsy than before. I catch the boys watching me, locking eyes with Bizly more than once. There's a knowing in his gaze. Im sure they all found out what happened, and I turn my face away so I don't have to look at them again.

Tina pulls my body up to hers and I focus on being in the moment. Her friends are dancing with us now and it's getting to be a tight fit on the floor. Hands and bodies brush in close around us. The music is loud enough to drown out thoughts. Joyride by Kesha plays and I let my fingers run past her hips to rest on her ass. I won't have to see her after tonight if I don't want to. It won't piss my best friends off, it won't be a big deal. This is what's normal for me. This is what I'm good at. Before the next song starts we're kissing. I'm not even sure who initiated. Her lips taste like candy and she feels so soft in my arms. I want to strip her down and make her moan.

Our kiss brakes and she turns her body so her ass is pressed against me, head leaning back in my shoulder. My mind flashes to being on Charlie's lap, pressed up against him, and for a moment I wonder what she'd look like spread in front of his mirror. Fuck, I shake the thoughts of him and wrap my arms around her waist. We move together and she presses against me.

"Hey ladies," a familiar voice sounds from right behind me as big hands touch my hips. A body presses against me, and I lean my head up to look. Bizly.

"Hey!" I say back, drunk and giggly. And Tina turns to look as well. She checks my face, seeing my friendly expression and relaxes.

"Bizly, Tina. Tina, Bizly," I introduce while sandwiched between the two of them, "What's up, man?"

His hands find the spot above my hip bones and I suppress a gasp as he leans over me to talk to Tina. I feel my panties getting wet fast. His hands on me, my hands on her. Threesome? My intoxicated mind asks me.

"It's nice to meet you, can I borrow your date for a few minutes?" He sounds like a gentleman as he asks her, but his fingertips trace into my midriff and he pulls my ass against him so I can feel his hardening cock.

She glances at me to see a relaxed smile and I lean in to kiss her quickly, "I'll be right back," I whisper into her ear.

He sits back at the table, now unoccupied, and I slide in beside him, his arm around the booth behind me.

"Dude are you trying to get it in right now? I'm kind of busy." I tease. His eyes rest on my chest and for a moment I worry he might actually try to fuck me right here.

"I mean if that doesn't work out we can head back to mine," he replies in that low, sexy growl.

"Maybe I'll bring her with," I smile at him.

"What about Charlie?" He says, removing his arm and leaning away from me, the sexual tension shattering.

"Charlie," I say softly, "where did he go?"

I turn my head to look around and notice Grizzly approaching, a drink in each hand. He turns quickly when he notices me.

"He's outside," Bizly says. "You gotta talk to him,"

I look back at Bizly, sadness in my eyes, "What would I even say?"

"Can't help you there. He's worried. You guys talk like every day," he replies.

"Yeah well," I feel my voice turning cold, "I can't be what he wants, I-" I compose myself, "I'll text you if I strike out tonight,"

I get up from the table, an anger brewing in the back of my head, and walk towards Grizzly, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Oh hey!" He laughs nervously when he sees its me.

"Hey, Griz, good to see ya," I take one of the drinks and down about half of it before putting it back in his hand. "Later," I say, waving behind me as I walk back to the dancefloor.

"The fuck?!" I hear him say to Bizly before I push back into the crowd.

[sportsfanfics]

NINETY SEVEN

Chapter Ten - Darcy

Wires Crossed

Song: “I Won’t Give Up” – Jason Mraz

⸻

I wasn’t avoiding Nick.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

I was just… busy.

Busy pretending missing someone didn’t mean anything.

Busy pretending I was fine.

Spoiler alert:

I wasn’t fine.

Not even a little.

⸻

That night, I lay awake, the humid air pressing against my skin, listening to my Spotify shuffle through songs I barely heard.

Until one caught me.

Hooked its fingers into my ribs.

I shut my eyes against the sudden burn, feeling stupid for how easily Nick had cracked me open.

Because maybe Nick hadn’t said he wanted me out loud.

But he hadn’t walked away either.

And somehow, that mattered more than I wanted it to.

⸻

The next morning, my phone buzzed while I was brushing my teeth.

Voice message from Nick Bosa.

My heart slammed once, hard, against my ribs.

I stared at the notification for a stupidly long time before pressing play.

His voice poured through the speaker — low, rough, real in a way that texts never were.

“Hey. Uh… I just wanted to say — if there were wires crossed, I’m sorry. I wasn’t… I wasn’t seeing anyone. Talia was just someone who wanted more than I ever gave. I wasn’t serious with her. I wasn’t serious with anyone. Not until…”

A pause, like he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to say.

Then:

“I’m in Miami. Came all this way because I want to see you. Not to text. Not to screw around with mixed signals. I want to sit across from you. Hear you laugh in real life. So… I’m taking you for coffee. No arguments. Pick the place. I’ll be there.”

The message ended with a soft exhale, like he hated how much he cared but couldn’t help it anymore.

I stared at my phone, heartbeat thudding painfully against my ribs.

Nick was here.

For me.

And he wasn’t letting me hide anymore

I picked a tiny café off campus — small tables, crowded atmosphere, easier to disappear into if things went sideways.

Still, my hands shook a little when I slid into a corner booth by the window.

Most of what we had lived behind screens — late-night voice notes, laughing memes, stupid inside jokes.

Real life felt sharper.

Riskier.

The bell over the door jingled, and instinctively I knew it was him.

Nick spotted me immediately, like there could never be anyone else he was looking for.

He crossed the café in three long strides and slid into the seat opposite mine, filling the space between us without even trying.

“Hey, Presh,” he said, soft.

My chest squeezed painfully.

I forced a small, nervous smile.

“Hey.”

For a beat, it was awkward.

Our knees brushed under the table.

I dropped my napkin; he bent to grab it and knocked over the little sugar jar.

We both laughed — breathless, messy — and the worst of the tension cracked open.

“You’re terrible at playing it cool,” he teased, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re one to talk.”

We ordered coffees — his black, mine iced with too much caramel — and once they arrived, the nerves started creeping back.

I fiddled with my straw, not quite able to meet his eyes.

Finally, in a rush of panic and bravery, I blurted,

“I’m sorry. I was weird the other day.”

Nick set down his cup, studying me.

“Yeah? Thought you were just allergic to answering texts.”

I let out a breathy laugh.

“No, I just… I read into things too much. I didn’t know if…”

I trailed off, twisting the straw between my fingers.

“If it was just friends. And I didn’t want to make it weird.”

Silence stretched for a half second — long enough to regret every decision I’d ever made.

Then Nick leaned back in his chair, lazy smile tugging at his mouth.

“You were jealous,” he said.

It wasn’t a question.

My cheeks burned instantly.

I shoved my straw into my cup, splashing iced coffee onto the table.

“Was not,” I muttered, eyes wide.

He grinned wider, downright wicked now.

“You so were.”

I scowled at him across the table, heart hammering.

“Well,” I said, lifting my chin, pretending outrage,

“I must be pretty special if you’re driving all the way to Miami just to stalk me.”

Nick’s eyes crinkled slightly, and he shrugged like it was no big deal.

“You’re not far off.”

I froze, cup halfway to my mouth.

He said it so casually, like it was a fact —

like of course he would drive across the state for me.

And something in my chest shifted.

Like maybe I hadn’t imagined it all.

Like maybe I wasn’t completely insane for thinking there was something real here.

I blinked, setting my cup down before I could drop it.

“You’re an idiot,” I said, voice too soft to sound like an insult.

Nick laughed, the sound low and addictive, filling the tiny space between us.

“And you’re stubborn,” he said.

“But I like that about you.”

I smiled without meaning to.

Small. Stupid.

Real.

And just like that, we slipped back into whatever rhythm had always existed between us.

Winding each other up, laughing, soft jabs hidden under softer glances.

No labels.

No pressure.

Just us — tangled somewhere between friends and something far, far more dangerous.

[sburbian-sage]

Ugh, I knew I should have just waited to send that, rather than trying to rush it off before fighting the ohgodwhat...

It did actually break my computer, but I have spares of course. Anyway, I'm really sorry that I upset you, let me try and explain myself...

Firstly, you know that old adage, "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"? Well... that's what was going on with the Dream thing. I didn't re-read the Dream section of the SBURB Glitch FAQ before sending, and the ONE Dream player I've ever met didn't have transparent clothes.

Still, I really do believe it's something that's been mostly version drifted away (which I REFUSE to budge on being real). I've not seen the memes! I think the memes you speak of are dead memes, buried in 7-year-old threads! And in my defense, Dream as an aspect has been getting rarer and rarer (or so I've heard) (which I also attribute to version drift).

Anyway, I wasn't trying to say that your writing is "obsolete", I'm saying parts of it might be for most modern sessions. And if we assume that you fell out of sync recently, or over a period of time, and not early on- which you seems likely as many of the asks you've gotten make reference to things I'd say have long since version-drifted into obscurity- then many of your postings were probably helpful at the time.

All I'm saying is that in more recent asks, you seem to be operating on a slightly outdated understanding, not that your entire blog was always worthless, or that nothing your saying has any application at all to the game as it is...

Finally, I'll say that it's a bit hard to notice when a post is a submission, vs just one you made. I have to scroll down past the actual post and check in the notes section to see that... at least, the way I was reading them. Check out the difference between these posts depending on the link you use:

https://www.tumblr.com/sburbian-sage/163102151042/please-tell-us-more-about-cuter-carapaces-this-is

https://sburbian-sage.tumblr.com/post/163102151042/please-tell-us-more-about-cuter-carapaces-this-is

I had been using the bottom link, which doesn't display the "submitted by" in the actual post.

You keeping a stockpile of multiple computers because they explode at the drop of a hat instantly disproves any spurious SBOOB accusations I've made. The only other thing I'll be apologizing for is me laughing at the "I saw a Dream player once and their clothes weren't transparent" line, because it's extremely funny. I wonder why your friend instantly went to get their outfit changed when they realized how little it leaves to the imagination. Unless you ascended at the same time, in which case I will be laughing harder (and conceding that yeah maybe there was some weird stuff going on there).

But either way, I think we're at an unsquarable circle. This is the first time I'm being accused of being massively out of sync, it's only coming from one source, and your accounts are massively out of whack with what I know and am keeping up with. I know this sounds like a "no u", but I think the only one version drifted in the room right now is you. This is at least vaguely similar to a Time player messaging you from the future, to the past, and acting like you know what the fuck he's talking about. I could be outdated, but I think with my current understanding that you might be forward-dated.

In any case, I acknowledge the "your advice is still good if working off of slightly off information" line, and will resolve to hit the books some more. And in turn, I apologize for accusing you of being a phantom from the internet come to rob me of my mental faculties and ability to relate to reality. I was originally going to post the image of the anime girl saying "let's agree to disagree" while she imagines the other person being hit by a car, but I'm not going to post it anymore, because I don't want you to be hit by a car. Also because I can't find it, but that's beside the point.

[featherwingfox]

THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED! I PRESENT TO YOU... THE ONE... THE ONLY... TIME STEVE! 🎉👏👏👏👏🎉👏👏👏👏🎉

This took way too long than it actually needed to be. Y'all! I was struggling! With the stupid pose!!! The POSE! HOW?! I wasn't satisfied! I took at least a week or two just redrawing and erasing so much that I had to take a break... From him though, I have started drawing other characters. Because I already knew how I wanted to pose everyone else, but him? It was vague! But I ended up with this, and I'm fine now! Everything else was relatively smooth sailing. I had the design via IG reference, all I changed were minor details. Like how many buttons are on his cloak. The original had two on each side, adding up to four, but when I sketched it, it looked off so I changed it to three. Rainbow Quest version has four on one side and it's open but this guy is Steve Saga version.

Btw, I'm making designs for RQ, just thought I'd mention this, it's for meme purposes.

Anyway, now he has up to six buttons. The one at the top is for his hood, which is separate from the trench coat, cloak thing, not entirely sure what the proper name for it is, but that button is only on the hood. The other changes I made was adding a trim to his attire! The coat has a darker brown lining it while the hood has a silver lining to it. You can't see it in the low quality photo, I apologize... But there is an hour glass at the top of his hood too. Very small. Looks like it's attached to the top of his mask but it's not, it's part of the hood, I promise when I draw everyone digitally you will be able to see it more clearly. As well as everything else.

His mask! I made it his mask, it's got simple thick lines around it indicating the time, I thought numbers would not fit and the Roman numerals would look cool but I don't think it would fit on this paper until, so I just made simple lines. Plus he seems like the type of dude who would wear simpler clothing, if there is details they aren't much, just complimentary details.

He has silver hair, skin, and eyes, since the side of his Minecraft skin is silver and it's like a watch, so he's silver, and his eyes are also like his mask, having lines like a clock.

The last thing in details I want to explain is more about his mask! Has anyone watched the anime Bleach? 😏✨Well! The Hollow masks can fade in and out, and that is what I decided Time's mask would do too! Pretty cool idea, if I do say so myself. 😚👌That is why it is incomplete and you can see his left eye. It is in the middle of fading onto his face!

As for the last bit of explanation, the colors were easy because yeah. Referencing the original! Oh. One more thing about the hood. It was a problem in the sketch phase... I ask for my twin sister's opinion sometimes when I'm unsure of something or want to check if it's ready or not, and she didn't like the hood. So I had to redo this thing too! And it was just unsatisfactory! So then I went on Pinterest to look at references. Just so you know, there are many different types of hoodies... Big loose or droopy ones in robes, skinny ones that hug your head on modern hoodies and jackets, wide medium ones on coats, you get the idea! I was looking for something between a cloak and a modern hoodie. As you can see in the original skin, you can see his face. I interpreted this as it is not a big, droopy hood, but it is made of loose cloth. So a bit of both captures this design that I needed. I'm pretty sure my sister was thinking about big droopy hoodies because we kinda argued over it but it's fine! She says this is alright. I understand that hoods can drop but his doesn't drop that much! And considering the pose he's in, he's pulling the hood up so the back being closer to his head makes sense. Either way, I have this as the final product! Since you can't see the back of said hoodie, I will tell you there is some cloth hanging behind him. Once more, the original skin has some in the back so I kept it. You just can't see it. Maybe he'll be on an animation in the future and then you can see it! 😁

That is all! Our time with this character has ended and it is time to move on to the next one. Maybe I'll be more in my element. 🍃🔥💧⚡❄️🌪️ I said too many times puns, my bad, see you later y'all!

Story: Steve Saga (Fan Rewrite)

Character: Time Steve

Abilities: Controls Time, of course... I thought it would be interesting to add he has a room with different ticking lives. He can see when it's someone's time of end. When whatever item of method for tracking time runs out, like the sand in an hourglass all reaching the bottom, or a clock stops ticking, maybe a count down device or a simples candle stick, those are lives. Guess what? He has one two! It's on his face! When it ends, nobody knows! He doesn't either, just in the moment these items stop working it the end of their time, and someday his will too, we just don't see it.

Personality: a fast learner, tactful, knowledgeable, strategic, caring, careful, powerful, friendly, content, peaceful, and empathetic.

[winstonthequant]

.

[muddyorbsblr]

secret notes part 8: send me the moon 

Series Masterlist See my full list of works here!

Summary: It's your final live show as The Lonely Avenger and the whole team is there to finally see the one behind the voice. Including Loki.

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: 2 curse words; other than that, nothing…this is a fluffy story with a fluffy ending [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: the last scene's a little hot…like 0.5/5 spicy

"Could you two drop me off near Groove instead of at the Tower?" you asked Clint as you were on your way back to New York, the mission going off without much complication, or bloodshed. You left those guards still breathing, after all, so really there were no casualties on this mission, and as far as you were concerned, that was an absolute win.

"Does this have something to do with the invite that was forwarded to me while you were in their base?" he asked you, a smirk playing on his face. "You wanna get the jump on everyone else, finding out who Laufeyson's bird is before we even get there? Vet the girl, make sure that she's good enough for Mr Horns?" 

"Not exactly," you answered with a smirk of your own. "More like I have to do sound checks. For my live show." That made him slam his hand on the Autopilot button and stare at you with eyes as wide as saucers, making Natasha laugh from her co-pilot seat. "Surprise, Hawkeye. It's me. I'm the bird. Caw caw." 

"How did I not see that coming?" He eyed Natasha, who you had no doubt was smirking and snickering to herself. "I'm assuming you already knew about this, Tasha?" 

"I've known for months," she said casually. "Wanda and I watched her first live show. Morgan knows, too."

"Hold on how'd you get Morgan to not tell Tony?!" You mumbled Natasha's promise to the tiny Stark that kept her from spilling your secret. "Sorry, birdy, what was that?" 

"Nat promised her that she'd be the flower girl at the wedding," you enunciated every syllable, making him chuckle. "Oh, and by the way. Thor knows, too." She turned her now wide eyed gaze towards you. "He baited me with a singing meme and I was caught off guard. I suppose by now he knows that I intend to tell everyone anyway so I'm trusting that he's keeping his mouth shut around Mischief." 

"Aww, babes, it's really happening, huh?" She grabbed your hand and lightly swung it. "It's like the end of an era." 

"Yeah. By the end of the day there'll be egg on my face because Loki's finally gonna know how stupid in love I am with him, and that's it. That's the end of me." 

"At the risk of you stabbing me, Y/N, I gotta say it. I think you're an idiot if you actually believe that things would end badly if Horns knows how you feel about him. I saw you two before you boarded the Quinjet; that's a man in love. God. That's a god in love. Whatever happens in the live show, I'd put money on all this ending with you singing a whole new set of notes in his apartment that none of us ever want to hear. I don't think even Tony has the money to cover the therapy we'd need if we hear that." 

You smacked him upside the back of his head. "Dork." He gave you a shrug as if to say eh, you're not wrong, which made you chuckle. "Just drop me off near Groove, please." You placed a hand on Nat's shoulder. "And please make sure that he actually goes to the live show? If I'm going to rip off a bandaid, I'd prefer to rip it all the way off in one move." 

"I'll have Thor drag him out if I have to," she promised, placing her hand over yours. "Don't look so nervous, babes. Everything's gonna be fine. More than fine." She tilted her head to address Clint. "We should probably all stay out of the tower for a few hours once they exit the bar. You know, so we don't have to charge Stark's account for therapy." 

By the time that Natasha and Clint returned to the Tower, the team was already buzzing with bets on who it could be, most of them already gathered around the common area clearly dressed for a party. The Russian spy  made a beeline for Wanda, looking like a Christmas ornament in her sparkly red dress. 

"Anyone on to our girl?" she whispered to the sorceress.

"Just Thor…he's been hinting at it since Tony found the invite." 

"That's because Thor knows. Baited Y/N with a meme the morning before we left. Anyone else?" 

"I think Rhodey knows, too. But he's been suspicious since before the first live show, so I can't be too sure. You two should go get changed, we're just waiting for--"

"Ah, there he is! Brother! Are you excited to finally know the identity of your lark?" 

Natasha looked at the stairs, her eyes widening once she'd seen the effort that Loki put into his look for your show, wearing a form-fitting dress shirt set in his "old faithful" shade of green tucked into tight slacks that had her questioning if he would be able to even sit down without ripping open a seam, and a pair of black Oxfords. It was obvious that he spent a considerable amount of time on his hair, too, styled in a half bun that had a few loose tendrils framing his face, trying to look effortless but anyone who knew how much effort that really took knew that he spent at least 20 minutes trying to get that down right, even with his magic.

He looked over to where she and Clint were standing, his gaze searching for someone clearly absent. "Where's Y/N?" 

Natasha defaulted to her classic excuse for you. "Had to run an errand." He nodded at the answer, a small smile tugging at the side of his mouth. "Said she'll meet us at Groove instead." 

Another twenty minutes later and they were on their way to the bar, already filled to the brim with people buzzing about your identity as the unmistakable sound of your voice overflowed out of the bar and well into the queue of people hoping to be let inside. 

Once Natasha and Wanda walked up to the door, the guards let them through, along with the rest of the team, and they were all escorted toward the front of the stage, where they waved at the sight of you on stage, wearing an off-shoulder little black dress that fell just short of mid-thigh and strappy gold heels. 

"WOOOO LET'S GO Y/N!!" Sam shouted as he made his way through the crowd, making you chuckle in the middle of your song. "That's my friend right there!" he hollered as he clapped his hands, causing the rest of the crowd to clap along with him.

"I'll wait for the day when we finally say now or never Until then I'll be here wanting more as I settle for atmosphere" 

As you began the final chorus of Send Me the Moon by Sara Bareilles, you noticed that nearly all of the team already sat in the area you had reserved for them, noting some of them trying to covertly pass around the money that they lost when they were placing bets on your identity all those months ago. 

Surprisingly, the money was split between Sam and Bucky. 

You shook your head slightly at their antics and returned your focus to the rest of the crowd, your roaming gaze stopping short at the sight of Loki two feet away from the stage, looking up at you with such a venerational relief in his eyes it nearly made your knees buckle. 

As you finished the song, and you took in the applause, and the standing ovation from your team along with the wolf whistles from your girl friends, a smile began to grace his features as he mouthed, "It's you." 

You could feel a tugging at your heart, as if your world was about to crumble, but you no longer cared. Whatever happened, even if everything were to fall apart at your feet today, you'd be fine. You'd rebuild from whatever you had left. Your experiment was done, the resolution from the beginning of the year a hilarious failure. And yet, you knew in your heart that you could recover from this.

It was that resolve that had you returning his smile with one of your own, a bit more somber, as if you'd come to make peace with an impending loss. "It's me," you mouthed back.

As the applause faded, you looked into the audience once more and spoke into the mic. "Hi. I'm Y/N Y/L/N. And this will be the last song I sing as The Lonely Avenger." 

"What's gonna happen to your channel?" Sam's voice boomed from the crowd.

You shrugged in your team's direction. "I suppose I'm just gonna change it to my name. Can't exactly be anonymous anymore," you answered with a chuckle. "Maybe I'll do some drunk challenges with Nat and Wanda." 

"THAT'S OUR GIRL!!" Wanda chirped up from her seat, making you giggle at her enthusiasm. 

"Anyways…" You raised your iced tea perched on a stool nearby toward the crowd. "To The Lonely Avenger." 

Most of the crowd raised their glasses and repeated your sentiment. You heard Tony shout "to jellybean", while the rest of the team shouted "to Y/N". What had you confused was Thor's sentiment, as his distinct voice rang louder than the buzzing of the audience. "To my sister." 

You turned your gaze to the band and they began to play out your final song: "Tell Me" by He Is We.

"Take a video, Wan. We'll wanna go back to this moment one day," Natasha instructed the sorceress. She quickly took out her phone and began recording you singing your final song as the anonymous Lonely Avenger, switching the camera's focus back and forth between you on the mic and Loki's reactions to your performance.

"Eyes can only see so far Tired of wishing on Northern Stars So I close my eyes and pray Nothing comes to mind so I let my heart say Tell me don't give up…"

As you finished the song, Wanda made a motion to turn off the video but Nat's whispered "not yet" made her keep recording, and she watched with wide eyes and a slacked jaw as Loki walked up to the stage, his hand outstretched up toward you. 

"Take his hand, babes!" Nat hollered, cheering as you walked over to the edge of the stage, placing your hand in his. She and Wanda where all out squealing the second her brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. 

"For fuck's sake, Bambi, kiss her!" Tony spoke through cupped hands. 

Thor started clapping thunderously as you placed your hands on Loki's shoulders and he placed his hands on your hips and lifted you from the stage, setting you back down in front of him. On a whim, Wanda used her magic to point the mic toward you.

"My lark. My Y/N." Wanda held back her squeals as he brought his hands up to frame your face. "My love." 

The whole bar erupted into cheers as he leaned down and laid his lips on yours, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close to him and causing you to place your arms on his shoulders. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, The Lonely Avenger!!" a new voice announced as a man walked up the stage, encouraging a fresh round of applause from the crowd. "I for one am glad to see this turn of events. Who isn't a sucker for a good happy beginning?"

A murmured voice escorting you backstage to the green room was heard through the speakers, giving Wanda the cue to stop recording. Although she immediately regretted turning the camera off once she saw the unmistakably mischievous grin on the god's face as he wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted you off your feet, walking you both towards the aforementioned room with a little twirl of your dress. 

"Dammit this means I owe Morgan a hundred bucks," Tony muttered, making the sorceress turn an incredulous gaze toward him. 

"Tony, Morgan knows," Natasha told him, making the billionaire's eyes widen in pure disbelief. "Since before Y/N's first show. She's the one who told Wanda."

"Duped by my own daughter," he muttered. "Is it weird that I'm proud of her?" The team shook their heads as he turned to look at the blonde Asgardian. "And why did you forfeit, Point Break? You would've won."

"I found out before Lady Y/N left for her mission with the assassins."

"WHAT?!" the remainder of the team all but yelled in unison, proceeding to ask the god about the hows of it all. 

The moment the door to the green room closed, Loki cradled your head with one hand and had your body trapped between him and the door, his other hand now resting on your side, thumb gently stroking your stomach. "My darling," he said softly, the brilliant smile on his face never fading as he leaned in and pressed his lips to your exposed neck.

He proceeded to trail his lips down to the base of your throat and across your collarbone, humming a sound of contentment against your skin as he kept on murmuring your name between kisses. Your breathing became erratic as you gasped for air, your heaving chest pressing your skin even more against his lips.

You let out a hybrid between a squeak and a moan as he placed his hands on the back of your thighs, adjusting his hold on you and making you wrap your legs around him, giving you a flashback to earlier this year when he did the exact same motion to help you reach your mug at the top shelf. He trailed his kisses up to your lips once more, claiming your mouth with his at a languid, decadent pace. As if you had all the time in the world. You couldn't help but to sigh against him, allowing yourself for just a moment to be content with what was happening.

"I love you," he mumbled against your lips, pressing one more tender kiss upon them before pulling away, his grin one of obvious repletion, before spotting the look of consternation on your face and his expression quickly faded into one of concern. "What's wrong, dear heart?" 

"Do…do you love me or…"

"Oh, my darling mortal," he whispered as he cupped your face and pressed a frantic kiss to your lips. "I love you, Y/N. I've loved you long before you first sang under that moniker. Long before Stark's party." He pressed his lips against yours once more and you could feel your body physically weaken the moment both felt and heard him moan against your mouth. "I will tell you in the plainest words I can find, my love. I am maddeningly in love with you, Y/N. And I wish for you to be mine." 

"I'm yours," you said in a breathy exhale, unable to breathe as you felt his lips latch on to a particularly sensitive spot between your neck and shoulder and proceeded to lightly suck on the skin. "I've--fuck--I've always been yours." He had you arching into his kiss once his lips moved lower, playing at the neckline of your dress, just above your heart. "Please…please, Loki, I need--"

"I know, my darling," he cut you off, pressing his body harder against yours, muffling your moans with another kiss to your lips. "I know. But I do not wish for our first time together to be in the back room of a bar. You deserve more than that." He once again peppered kisses up the column of your neck. "You deserve to be worshipped. Savored. For hours. Days, even." Your breath hitched at the very thought of being at his mercy for hours, let alone days. "Just say the words, my love. Say them and I will make it so. You would be mine to do with as I please, and I yours."

He pulled away from you with a final kiss to your jaw, making you arch toward him again, silently begging him to resume his attentions. He didn't. Instead he simply stroked your cheek with his thumb, causing you to lean in to his touch. 

"I won't kiss you again until you say them, darling," he teased. "So say them and allow us both our rapture."

"I love you," you all but shouted, the evident desperation in your voice making him bite his lip as he smirked at you. You took a breath, trying to calm yourself. "I love you, Loki." He smiled, leaning in until your lips were barely touching. "Make me yours."

"With pleasure, my darling Y/N," he said with a soft kiss to your lips. "You must know, my love. You've never been alone. You have me. You've always had me." His next kiss felt like a promise, as if he was casting a spell that sealed your fates together in that single kiss. "Shall we?"

"Just lemme get my things," you said breathlessly. With a wave of his hand, your bag disappeared from the table in a flash of green. "We should at least tell the team we're leaving."

"I believe they're aware. Or they should have surmised by now that we do not intend to return to their company for a while," he answered with a smirk. "I'm sure by now my brother's told the staff that we've most likely disappeared from this room and it's safe to enter once more, so I believe our next move is to do precisely that." 

"You have to put me down, you know," you said with a giggle. "You can't just lug me around like a weird captive koala."

"I won't lug you around anywhere like a small furry animal. I intend to hold the woman I love in my arms; I will put you down only once there is a bed in our vicinity. Not a moment sooner." He pulled your body closer to his, securing his hold on you before pressing a tender kiss to your cheek. "Close your eyes, my love," he whispered in your ear. You did exactly that.

When he told you to open them you were no longer in the green room; rather you were in an opulent bedroom with a central motif of marble and a faded shade of gold. Looking at the view from the balcony you could tell that you were still within New York, but this was definitely not the Tower. "Mischief? Where are we?" You looked at his face and your breath hitched at the simpering look on his face.

"I took the liberty of acquiring us some accommodations for the week." The week? Your breathing thinned as he walked over to the bed, gently laying you down upon it. "Did you truly think I would bring you back to my chambers? Where my brother could so easily barge in like the brutish oaf he often is? That I would have my fill of you after one night?" He kissed his way down to your clothed stomach, before lightly grasping one of your legs and pressing a searing kiss to the back of your knee. "My darling, if you did, you've sorely underestimated how desperately I have longed for you." 

You had no words left in you except, "A week?" 

"Only because that is all I could manage without starting a war with our dear Captain over monopolizing your time, and leaving our team short of two resources at once," he answered you simply. "So, my lark…" He kissed the back of your knee once more before slowly crawling up your body. "My darling Y/N…" He kissed the exposed skin of your chest, just above your heart. "My love…" He captured your lips in a slow, sensual kiss that left you breathless. "Shall we begin?" 

A/N: I can't believe the series is already over, but that's it. That's the end of the main story of 'secret notes'! I hope y'all enjoyed going on this ride with me and in true 'me' fashion, this isn't really the end. Outtakes will come…I don't know when but I know they are happening.

But more importantly…it means that I have my schedule all clear for the collab series I've been talking about, and I can finally reveal that my fellow writer for this is none other than @mochie85!!

Taglist:

Everything: @lokisgoodgirl @lokischambermaid @imalovernotahater @mygfloki @lucylaufeyson3 @thomase1 @springdandelixn @fictive-sl0th @mochie85 @laliceee @xorpsbane @gigglingtigger @silverfire475 @cabingrlandrandomcrap @vickie5446 @salempoe @lokixryss @sinsandguilt @lokidbadguy @alexakeyloveloki @glitterylokislut @arch-venus25 @freefrommars @littlemortals @cakesandtom @girl-of-multi-fandoms @mischief2sarawr @thedistractedagglomeration @five-miles-over @goblingirlsarah @peaches1958 @huntress-artemiss @lilibet261 @iobsessoverfictionalmen @holymultiplefandomsbatman @lovingchoices14 @avoliax @devilsadvocactus @purplegrrl27 @lokiprompts @sititran @imherefortomhiddleston @ladyjames78 @stupidthoughtsinwriting

Loki: @calumance @severuslovebot

[chrissychats]

Hello friend! May I request cc dsmp secret s/o having a bad day and walking in while they're streaming and not even caring they just want to be held while listening to their steam so they crawl into their lap and just sit there while they play? Sorry for the long and complicated request! Here's is a funny meme to thank you for your creative writing services!

𝐵𝑎𝑑 𝐷𝑎𝑦𝑠//𝐷𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑊𝑎𝑠𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛

Masterlist

Dream x reader !cc

Pronouns used: they/them

Warnings: more fluff and unplanned writing

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

I shot up from the bed gasping for air, the previous nightmare screwing over in my head. I coughed looking around my surroundings, an insurance that I’m back into the safety of reality.

I noticed an absence of the place next to me, frowning looking around for my boyfriend. He should be editing or on call with his actual lovers at the moment, best to not disturb.

Deciding that I should get up, I hauled myself out of the sheets bringing it down to the floor with me as I collided into the ground. I groaned sitting up, rubbing the backside of my head.

I proceeded with my morning routine, looking around for the coffee beans in the cabinet. Once I found them I was sad to see the bag empty, the word throwing a dawn of despair my way today.

I whined giving up before throwing myself onto the couch, deciding to check twitch on my phone. The notification popped up at the top of my screen, clicking on it shocked to see it was actually true.

DreamWasTaken Went live!

I smiled watching my boyfriend mess around the smp with Sapnap and George, answering different questions the chat threw at them. Most of them were about a meet up or when the next Minecraft manhunt was coming out.

“Do you have a partner? Cause you can hit me up any day”

The question threw me off guard as Dream read it out loud, chuckling to try avoiding it. “Yeah dream, do you have a lover? I mean I doubt it but..” George teased, my enjoyment in this small little segment growing.

“Of course he does, and it’s me!” Sapnap jokingly threw out, making their minecraft characters kiss while making little ‘mwahs’. I laughed before accidentally dropping my phone onto my face.

My nose crinkled as I threw my phone to the floor, hoping it didn’t crack from my sheer stupidity. I cringed as patches stepped over onto it, smashing my poor phone deeper into the hard wood floor.

I gently picked the kitten up setting her onto my lap, tears welling in my eyes as I looked at the cracked screen. It was already fairly damaged making this it’s final straw..

Damnit

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

I chuckled as I read the question that popped up on the screen, moving my character around in circles. I hummed trying to avoid it but of course George had to bring it up again.

“Yeah dream do you have a lover..? I doubt it tho.” I scoffed at the British man hitting his netherite armor, both of them fully aware of my partner, even speaking to them time to time off camera.

“Of course he does, and it’s me!” Sapnap shouted out making his way to kiss my character, the both of us crouching mocking small noises. “Hm but no I don’t, heh.” I laughed it off, a small ping in my heart from the lie.

I hate lying about being single especially since I knew Y/n was watching the stream. We never really talked about the fan art and shipping, they never really shown any dis comfort in it tho. We just keep saying, ‘it’s best to keep our relationship a secret from the internet!’

It’s my personal life anyways

Only a certain group of people know, like my close friends and family. I’d rather not see them getting attacked by toxic stans all the time, bad enough I have to deal with them myself.

“Mm you sure about that?” Sapnap kept going on, I made a mental note to yell at him later for it. “What if it’s the Nickelodeon hot tub person!” George perked up as I just let my head fall onto the desk.

So I prompted to what I do best

GeorgenotFound was slained by Dream using [Nightmare]

I looked over, muting my mic as the door handle jiggled. I smiled as a small head perked inside, Slowly fully walking into my office as if there were hidden cameras around.

I watched curiously as they made their way into my lap, legs on either side of my chair straddling me. “Well hello there.” I laughed drawing my lovers head closer to my chest, carefully running my fingers through their hair.

“You okay?” I muttered worried after not hearing a reply, soft clicks onto the keyboard as I sent a message to someone on discord. “Bad day..” Y/n mumbled into my neck, the small vibrations sending a small tingle down my spine.

“Wanna listen to me and the guys?” I asked as they nodded snuggling further into my hoodie. I used one hand to control the game, using my free one to scratch their head and rub the small of their back.

Unmuting as I made a quick excuse, continuing on with the game making sure not to be too loud. “Yeah patches wanted some attention, but it’s okay since she’s worth it.” I laughed as chat filled with ‘awws.’

I looked down to the resting person on my lap, watching as their eyes fluttered as I talked. Being faceless really did come in handy at times, knowing that this beautiful sight was for me and my love.

“Really worth it..”

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Sorry if this isn’t the best, I’ve been in a sort of writing slump recently! Also if you wanted multiple then I can do another one like this with more, or a different cc.

As always! Request and ask anything, and ask if you want to be on a taglist!

[thunderheadfred]

🦅Hawks HC’s🦅

This is SO unnecessarily long. Some NSFW. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

General

Has zero social life or hobbies outside of work. He knows it’s unhealthy, but like, who has the time?? Oh? Lots of people do?? Haha what are healthy work/home boundaries? He desperately wants to retire and always talks about a world without heroes, but the truth is he would have no idea what to do with himself if he got his way. Take him to a park at midnight and watch him turn into a giant repressed child on a swing. He’ll do a standing-360 and it will be terrifying.

Listens to music way too loud in his headphones to drown out wind noise. Probably half deaf at this point. His musical taste is wild; listening history all over the fucking place. Algorithms have no idea what to do with him.

That visor? It’s prescription. Wow is he far-sighted. He wears glasses. He’s not blind without them (rather the opposite) but they help him see things directly in front of him without massive eye strain. Yeah, he looks really hot in glasses.

Prefers communicating via text. Sometimes it’s a lot of dumb memes, but mostly it’s sincere. He can say what he means when he doesn’t have to put on a public front.

Smokes like a chimney. Self medicates with stimulants. Coffee, tobacco, sugar. Fidgety, likes things in his mouth or hands. Gnashes on toothpicks and popsicle sticks. He really should go back to therapy, huh? His teeth are sparkling white for the cameras but his breath could use some work. Chews gum a lot to compensate, and always does it really loudly with a big shit-eating grin.

Impatient as fuuuuuck. Rude about it. If you take too long doing anything, you’re going to hear a foot tapping. He’ll smile and laugh it off, never ever directly criticize you about it. But lord, the dramatic sighs. He WILL nudge you out of the way and take over in order to finish a task faster, and it’s truly fucking annoying.

LOVES food. Has the metabolism of an actual bird. Will seize upon any excuse to eat. No need to be self-conscious about eating in front of him; he wants you to enjoy it. Steals bites from you and talks with his mouth full. Prefers street food and take-out, usually eats while walking or flying. Sit-down restaurants are an invitation for gawkers.

He’s one of those celebrities that looks way taller on TV. In real life, he’s small and compact. So you’re surprised the first time you see him in person. He has a big head. Literally.

If you’re taller or bigger than him, he does Not Care. He treats everyone like they’re four feet tall, even Endeavor. Everything you do is cute. If you’re actually short, he’s going to carry you around all the time, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Collects big chunky overpriced watches. All the better to tell you you’re late.

Half his clothes are brand fucking new. Sometimes he forgets to take off the tags. (Don’t look at the prices, do NOT) He never seems to wear the same thing twice. He also never seems to go shopping. Brands just give him stuff, and he shrugs and goes “yeah okay.”

The other half of his clothes are old, faded, and patched up. Every item he acquires for himself has deep sentimental value. If you tell him to throw away that nasty ten-year-old pair of frayed cargo pants, be prepared to find out how wrong and evil you are for even suggesting it.

He doesn’t snore; he coos. Loudly. Like a fucking pigeon trapped in a megaphone.

- - - - -

Dating

Gift-giving is his love language. Bringing your favorite snacks. Leaving novelty magnets on your fridge. He found a copy of that book/game/movie you mentioned like a month ago, don’t you remember? If he has to go out of town on a job, he’ll bring back the ugliest possible souvenir, just to annoy you.

He likes gifting jewelry especially. Covering you in shiny baubles, little golden things. Not expensive, but unusual. Antiques or handmade, even bizarre vending machine crap. Gets really handsy if you wear or show off his gifts.

Since you’re the first person who has given him The Feels, if you are resistant to his advances (like, say, because he’s way too famous and you’re terrified he’s gonna break your heart) he’s going to go fucking nuts trying to woo you. Doesn’t have a single patient bone in his body but will wait as long as it takes for you to come around. He’ll act like he’s cool with just being friends at first, just hanging out, haha. Oh you’re busy today? That’s cool. Inside he’s shrieking like a tea kettle. Go ahead, make him wait.

Don’t bother giving him a key to your place. He’s coming in through the bedroom window or patio door. Just put out a damn welcome mat on your balcony... or a bird feeder.

A bit of a voyeur. He likes to watch you do your normal routine without interruption. He can see from miles away so if you’ve got your lights on at night, he’ll creep for a while before he comes in. It comforts him immensely, seeing a little slice of the world that isn’t constantly in need of saving.

Is super talkative and funny but a terrible communicator. Makes more jokes the worse he feels. Will almost never tell you what he needs. Most of the time, he doesn’t even know. You will learn to read between the lines and gradually notice his tiny unconscious cries for help. Back rubs make him emotional.

He shows up at your place at the weirdest times. All hours. You’re never ready. At first it was infuriating, because you wanted to look your best and have time to prepare, but you figure out pretty quickly that seeing you in your natural state is his favorite thing. He never gets to be around normal people, doing normal things. A boring, lazy afternoon is his idea of paradise.

He’ll pick through your things and ask a world of invasive questions. A medicine cabinet raider. He wants to know every fucking tiny thing about you, live vicariously through you.

He actually lives in a top floor penthouse. Because I mean, where else? Never spends any time there; mostly he seems to roost on the balcony. He has used the front door maybe once. He much prefers your place, and will only take you back to his after months of dating. It’ll take like, an entire emergency. You’ll end up in his bed by mistake.

Because when you finally come over, he’s embarrassed. Its sparse. White. Things in boxes. A new furniture smell. Like he’s not done moving in, though he’s lived there for years. He wants you to move in So Bad but doesn’t want to be pushy. If you don’t start leaving your stuff there, he’ll steal things from your apartment. Where the hell is your favorite t-shirt? Or that pillowcase you like? Dammit Keigo.

He’s a decent cook, a habit he made himself pick up because he thought it might make him feel more normal. It... didn’t. He never actually cooks until you give him an excuse. He’ll bring you breakfast in bed and watch you eat every bite with big hungry eyes.

He’s got a separate wardrobe for his hero costume and all his feathers. Yeah. His feathers. Because he can detach and control his feathers at will, when he’s alone at home he kind of just... shucks off his wings. The first time you see him do it, your eyes fall out of your head. He walks around in a tee shirt and boxers with these ugly little stumps covered in brownish, blood-red down. It actually looks kind of gnarly, like he got mauled by a bear.

He’s never dated until you. No one has ever been in his apartment until you. No one has called him Keigo until you. He has some bigass intimacy issues. Because. Y’know. The trauma. But god, he wants you in his life so bad, even if he has no idea how to make time for your relationship.

He’ll want to keep you to himself for a while. Once you go public he’s going to have an arm around your shoulders at all times. Publicly Displays his Affection way more than is socially acceptable in Japan, and gives precisely -100,000 fucks.

His fans either love you or hate you. There is no in between. He will immediately take your phone and threaten to drop it from a great height if he catches you reading shitty gossip about the two of you. Does NOT care about his public image anymore, doesn’t want YOU to care about it either. He’s gonna retire soon anyway, remember? That’s a lie.

Being a charming motherfucker is the core of his public persona, so you will get jealous. A lot. He will flirt shamelessly without realizing it. He will get photographed in compromising positions with gorgeous people.

Once you accept that he’s basically an actor 80% of the time and that Hawks and Keigo are separate identities, you’ll both feel better. When he comes home (to YOU) and falls over exhausted and stops being Hawks(tm), when he scratches his ass or burps in front of you, when he yells to you from the bathroom, when he groans childishly about his shitty day while laying face-down in your lap, you’ll know you have nothing to worry about. Keigo is all yours.

Boundaries? Never heard of ‘em. He’s either a million lightyears away or he’s glued to your hip. The whiplash is astounding.

Absolutely says “I love you” wayyyyyy to soon. It thrills you but scares you off at the same time, because there’s no way Hawks - The Hawks - can actually mean it, right? (He does)

Rings? Nah. When things get serious, he will make a necklace out of a feather for you, and if you ever take it off, you better be asleep or in the shower. Even then you’re on thin fuckin ice. If you’re not wearing it he knows. He’s never mean about making you put it back on, it just makes him nervous if he can’t feel your heartbeat.

- - - - -

SPICY CHICKEN NUGGETS

High sex drive. Horny like 25/7. Probably a symptom of having way too much pent up stress.

Often takes care of it himself when he doesn’t have the emotional resources for anyone else, even his S.O. Figures you don’t want him coming on to you as often as he would like to, but he’s too stupid to talk to you about it first. Morning masturbator.

Yes he’s fucked around a lot but he’s not exactly a playboy either. People have always thrown themselves at him, and before he met you he let them do it. Especially when out of town and staying in a hotel. Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, etc.

He’d never be unfaithful to you though; his loyalty and dedication are frankly a little unsettling. Sometimes you feel like the only thing in his life other than hero work. Teach this man to knit. Make him join a book club. Christ. Anything.

Does in fact have seasonal mating patterns and it’s super embarrassing.

An underwear-sniffing perv. He’ll definitely hump your pillow.

Gets a sick thrill out of breaking in and startling you. Coming up behind you in the dark, sneaking into your bed. It’s probably his worst habit, and even he hates that he does it. If you get better at detecting him he’ll be so proud. Land a slap on him and he’ll be a horny mess.

Dog-whistles at you. Often from rooftops, and you have no idea where he is but you know he’s leering.

He will call you a lot of really stupid pet names. He likes the way you blush when he finds a newer, stupider one. Calls you angel when he’s really far gone.

Likes to scratch you with his stubble until your skin turns raw and sensitive. If it annoys you or hurts a little? Even better. Making you squirm is his new favorite thing. Especially when going down on you. Your inner thighs are always exfoliated.

His cock is average in every respect. This is not a bad thing. He knows how to please you with every totally normal inch of that cock. He has some kind of homing beacon installed on your sensitive spots.

Goes absolutely insane for blowjobs. Any time, any place.

Likes to bend you around in all kinds of positions with an assist from his feathers to hold up an ankle here, an arm there. Get used to floating mid-coitus. It just seems to happen.

Spanky.

His number one priority is making you feel adored and at home in his bed. Ohhhhh he likes to make you smile. But if you encourage him to get pushy and dominant with you, you will have a good, good time.

He’s switchy, and will lose his shit if you initiate or take control. Again, he’s always horny for you, because he can finally let go. Breathe in his direction and he’s hard.

Doesn’t moan much, but Babe, he’s a dirty talker. He’s not smooth or deliberate about it, it’s more like he can’t fucking believe you let him do whatever he wants to you. You like that huh? Like he’s in stages of shock. He’s singing your praises to high Heaven and muttering oh shit oh shit oh shittttttt and laugh-crying as he cums. He never talks about his feelings; he fucks about them.

After. Care. King. He loves pampering and clucking over you anyway, this is simply another excuse to do it. He knows exactly how much water you drink in a day. Can’t take care of himself for shit, but you? You’ll never have a need he won’t try to fill. What’s all that hero work for if not this? Yeah, soak it up. You deserve it.

[readyforthegarden]

44, 37, and 32 with sammy from the prompt list perhaps?

44. “I do love you, you know. Even if I’m shit at showing it.”, 37. “Oh, baby… c’mere…”, and 32. “I love you. So fucking much.”

“I don’t know how to be more clear!” you cried, tearing falling down your face as Sam stood there, dumbstruck at your outburst. “I want romance, Sam! I feel so stupid but I want the flowers, and the chocolates and dumb stuffed animals! I want thinking of you texts or a love letter or even a fucking heart emoji every one in a while. I’ve dropped so many hints! Obvious, blatant hints. Even straight up asked for flowers on my birthday. You give me nothing, Sam. I-I sometimes wonder if you even love me.”

You couldn’t stand there anymore under his stare. You breezed past him, going to your bedroom and slamming the door shut. You were fully sobbing now, the ache in your chest expanding in the silence of the house. You could hear Rosie’s nails tapping on the hardwood floors, pacing in front of the bedroom door, sniffing at the bottom to try and find you. You wanted to open the door and bury your face in her fur, to find some sort of comfort from the one Kiszka you knew loved you. But that would also open the door to Sam, who you could hear approaching.

He gently rapped his knuckles on the door. You refused to answer, knowing if you did, your voice would crack. You put your hand over your mouth and you heard him sigh.

“I’m sorry, truly.” he murmured through the thin wood. “I do love you, you know. Even if I’m shit at showing it. I think about you constantly. When I’m working, when I’m hanging out with the guys-“

“That’s the same thing.” you couldn’t help the snarky comment, but you heard him laugh.

“Yeah, you’re right.” he conceded with a light chuckle. “I’m really sorry, baby. I guess I thought if I just said that I love you, you’d know.” you rolled your eyes, not letting him off the hook. You pulled the door open, glaring at him. Rosie immediately ducked past you, jumping up onto your side of the bed and watching the sparring match from there.

“Sam, do you even realize all the things I do for you, just because I love you?” you watched as he tried to think of an example. “You ever notice how you never have to restock any of your things? Toothpaste, hair products, anything like that?” you saw Sam put the dots together. “That’s because I grab it for you while I’m running my errands. I always let you take the first shower at my place, even though I know the hot water is best first thing in the morning and I even sometimes throw your towel in the dryer so it’s warm when you get out. I send you I love you texts and funny memes because I hope it makes your day. I do it all because I love you, and god, I don’t need it all the time but it would be nice to get the same energy back every once in a while. Even Josh texts me back more than you do sometimes.”

You were hiccuping as you cried, and you begrudgingly let Sam pull you into his arms.

“Oh, baby…..c’mere.” he wrapped his long arms around you, cradling you to his chest as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“I’m not asking you to do everything I do for you, for me. I just do it, I can’t help it. And I know we’re past the honeymoon stage, but…I don’t just need words. I need actions.” Sam pulled away to look into your eyes, a determined gleam flashing in the deep brown pools.

“If you want flowers, I’ll plant you a whole fucking nursery worth.” he vowed, taking your chin in his hand gently so you kept eye contact. “I’ll get the biggest teddy bear at the carnival for you. I’ll buy you a damn chocolate factory, Wonka be damned.” you couldn’t help but laugh, sniffling.

“You don’t have to go that far, Sam.” he shrugged, then big ideas running through his head at light speed. “But maybe a bouquet of flowers every now and then, just because? And if you see my favorite candy at the store, pick it up or something as a sweet surprise. Or a kissy face emoji text. Just something little, you know? That says you’re thinking of me.”

“I can manage that.” Sam leaned down slowly, pausing briefly to gauge if you were going to let him kiss you. You lifted your chin up a bit and he grinned before finally pressing his lips to yours.

“I love you, Sam.” you whispered against his lips as you pulled away. Sam took your face between his large palms, pulling you in for a fiery, passionate kiss that made your knees buckle, the way only Sam ever could.

“I love you.” he breathed, when he pulled back. “So fucking much. I’ll never make you doubt it again.”

“I’m holding you to that.” Sam smiled and then glanced behind you, seeing Rosie snoozing away.

“Well, I was going to make sweet, passionate love to you in our bed, but it seems that’s taken.” you giggled as if on cue, Rosie rolled over, stretching out across the whole middle of the bed. When you turned, you gasped. Sam had bent down and swept you up in his arms, carrying you back down the hallway. “So the couch it is. Then I’m going to take you out on the most perfect afternoon date. Then, hopefully, we’ll get a do-over in the bed. How does that sound?” He laid you down on the couch, straddling your waist and grinning.

“Sounds perfect, Sam.”

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

not jealous | jake sim

summary: jake sim is not a jealous person. at least that's what he tells himself. so why does he find himself going through your phone when a certain "bluejay park" decides to text you?

pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. mentions of jay park]

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: angst, cursing (very minimal), one slightly suggestive sentence, jake being cute, some more angst lol, slightly cheesy bc jake’s just too cute ugh

wc: 3.8k

a/n: ok i loved writing this, which is why i went on to almost 4k words LOL oops. but anyways, i love jake a little too much and this type of scenario has been running around in my head for a while now so i decided to put it into words. also i may have created this blog just so i could post this somewhere LMAO anyways yeah this was my first fic so hope you guys enjoyyyy <3

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

At least that's what he tells himself. To be fair, in his past relationships, he never showed any jealously. Then again, he doesn't know if he can call those relationships, "relationships". Does a fifth grade relationship with a girl who he was once dared to kiss during a game of Truth or Dare in the basement of a classmate's house during their 11th birthday party count? He doesn't remember being jealous when the same girl was later dared to kiss his classmate, Sunghoon. (Funny enough, that's how the two boys came to be best friends 'til this day, but that's a story for another time.) 

But really, Jake doesn't think jealously is one of his traits, even if he's now almost 20 years old without any experience with love other than his current relationship with you and that short-lived romance in the fifth grade. (What was her name again? Jake would have to ask Sunghoon later.)

So he doesn't know what clicked in that brain of his that lead him to this current situation he was in. He doesn't know why he felt a little spark of anger in him when your phone, which you left right next to him on the couch while you went to take a shower, kept buzzing with texts from "bluejay park". He doesn't know why he couldn't kept his eyes distracted from the messages, although your phone was constantly lighting up because whatever it was Jay had to say to you, he would not shut up about it. He doesn't know why he questioned what your relationship with Jay was for a split second.

In fact, you're close with all of Jake's friends. That's one of his favorite things about you, you get along so well with all his friends you might as well replace Jake himself in the friend group. So he doesn't know what tells him to take a little glance at your phone—at the messages.

But he finds himself doing it anyways.

Hearing that the water in the shower was still running (you were always the type to take long showers), he quickly grabs your phone and scrolls through the lock screen just to find that he couldn't even read the messages since you had your notifications set so no one could read them unless the phone was unlocked (darn you and your settings!) Thankfully, Jake knew your passcode––and you knew his too––or he thought he did. Until the iPhone vibrated, telling him the passcode was wrong.

He must've entered it too fast or something. So he tries again.

And again.

And again.

Until the iPhone switches its screen to say: "iPhone is disabled. Try again in 5 minutes."

There's no way. You never change your password. And even if you did, you would tell him—you two even had each other's fingerprints saved into each other's phones in the past (you know, before the world decided that Apple's home button was too lame and decided to just completely get rid of it). If there was an option to save multiple faces for Face ID, you two would be that couple that saved each others faces in your own phones.

That being said, Jake sat there, your phone in hand, frozen. Why was your phone locked? Why was Jay texting you 10 texts per second? Why did he feel guilty about this entire situation?

He hears the shower switch off and in that moment, he swears he feels his heart beat just a little faster. He tells himself there's no way you'll be out before the 5 minutes are up. You followed a really meticulous skincare routine (one that Jake memorized by now) that took an extra 15 minutes of your time after each shower.

"Hey Jake?" Your voice calls out from the tiny bathroom door crack that you left open before you hopped in the shower, "Is my phone out there? Do you mind bringing it to me?"

Fuck.

Jake shifts on the couch. Taps his foot on the ground. Returns your phone to its original spot. Clears his throat.

"Don't you want to get dressed first?" he calls back, quite timidly.

He can hear you stop moving around in the bathroom. Probably telling yourself what an odd response that was. To be fair, it was an odd question, considering the fact that you two have been together for so long, it’s not like he hasn’t seen you undressed before...intentionally or not. 

Next thing he knows, the steam is rolling out of the bathroom door and you're stepping out in your towel, eyebrows raised.

"If you didn't want to get up from the couch, you could've just said so, you lazy butt," you smirk at him as you walk towards him and the couch, leaving a faint trail of water drops behind you. Jake's eyes follow your figure as you go to grab your phone and lift the screen towards yourself.

That's when he freezes. You do too.

You cock your head, as if asking yourself why it was disabled. He can hear the gears in your head turning.

"Jake, did you try to unlock my phone?"

He runs through all the possible excuses he could blurt out. Come on Jake, think of something! But he knows he can't lie to you.

Too many beats of silence pass by.

"Maybe," he finally says—or more like murmurs. He looks up to you like a child looking up at their mom, who just them caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. To his surprise, you don't show any hint of anger. A flash of confusion—and is that worry he sees?—crosses your face for a split second before you shrug and turn towards your room to change, dropping the subject. It was natural for you two to use each other's phones anyways. So then why did you have that look of worry?

Jake knows you well, a little too well. But that's what you love about him. He can easily read all your emotions. One of the many things he picked up from dating you for almost two years now. But why would you care if he tried to get into your phone? Why would that worry you? All the possibilities run through head and his own worry begins to increase. He trusts you. He does.

So then why does the thought bother him throughout the entire day? Why does he bring it up during dinner later that night, when you're both cuddled on your sofa, slurping take-out ramen while rewatching your favorite k-drama under the thick blanket that you always keep in your living room for nights like these?

"Huh? Of course I've heard from Jay today, we had that conversation about that stupid meme you boys kept laughing about in the groupchat we're all in, didn't we?" You answer him when he asks if you've heard from Jay lately. You sit up from your warm spot under Jake's arm to put your empty bowl on the coffee table in front of you. When you lean back, you look up at him,

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing, just wondering," he says, avoiding your eyes by keeping his own trained on the series currently playing on your TV. This would be your third time rewatching this series together. He would never complain to you though, he knows how much you love it and if he were being honest, he was secretly attached to the characters—not that he would ever tell you, he would never hear the end of it from you and the boys.

"You're being weird. Just tell me, or did you forget that I can practically read your mind," you say with a giggle and shove to his side, the one you were currently warmly cuddled into. Jake wasn't the only one who learned how to read emotions; you could read him just as well as he could read you. And like you, that's one of the many things he loved about you. But maybe not in this case.

He toyed around with the contents inside his ramen bowl with his chopsticks.

"I just..." God, how does he word this? Why was he having trouble explaining it? You were the easiest person to talk to. To him, you were the only person he could tell everything to.

"Jaywastextingyouabunchearlier," he blurts out quickly, but not quickly enough for you to miss it.

He feels you shift under his arm. He feels the air in the room shift. Tension.

"What?" Now you're sitting upright, legs criss-crossed in front of you on the couch but turned, so your body is completely facing him. He mirrors you, sitting up to put his ramen bowl next to yours on the surface, but he stays facing the TV.

"Your phone kept going off because of him when you were showering," he says with a little more confidence. But inside, he was nervous as hell, the same nervous as when he asked you out for the first time many moons ago. But it's too late to back out now, he brought it up first, anyways. Guess we're having this conversation now, good going Jake!

"Is that why you tried unlocking my phone earlier? I mean I thought you were just trying to leave selfies on my phone like you always do but you were trying to read my texts?" You question, slightly raising your soft voice. He doesn't know how to react, he hates confrontation.

"It wasn't like that, Jay just kept spamming you and like I—why was he even texting you in the first place? Then your phone got disabled because you changed your password, which you never do by the way, so I–"

"I changed it because my little sister kept getting into my phone when I went to visit my family yesterday! Did you really think I was hiding something from you? You know I can text whoever I want, right? You don't own me."

Okay so now he's managed to make you angry. Good going Jake, part 2!

"Okay but what does Jay need from you so bad that he has to send you like 50 messages at once?" He's standing now. So are you, eyebrows furrowed together as you collect your bowls from the table.

Standing there, bowls in hand, you say, "Jake, that's none of your business! It wasn't even that big of a deal, I don't know why you felt the need to nosy around."

"Well, if he's texting you non-stop, then obviously it's a big deal! We wouldn't even be having this conversation if you would just tell me what you guys were talking about," he murmurs back, eyes narrowing. You scoff as you trail into your kitchen. He follows behind and stops at the other side at your kitchen island as you place the dirty dishes into the sink.

"No, we're having this conversation because you obviously don't trust me! It doesn't matter what we were talking about, it doesn't matter who I was texting! I could be texting your mother and I shouldn't have to tell you what we were talking about! That's why we're having this conversation," you say as you turn back to face him from the other end.

He hates this. He hates fighting with you (which is a very, very rare occasion). He hates that you think he doesn't trust you. He hates his insecurity eating at him, telling him to keep questioning you on why you and Jay were talking in the first place. He was aware that you were close with his friends, but it wasn't until the texts he realized just how close you are with them. It's not that he didn't trust you, he just didn't know how to act when it came to you and other guys. God knows how he got lucky enough to meet you, let alone date you, so the thought of him losing you to someone else actually terrified him. Not only were you his first real relationship, but he wanted you to be his first and only one in life. You were it for him.

"Why did he text you." He deadpans from his side of the kitchen.

You scoff with a hint of exasperation. "You're kidding me."

You stare at him. He stares back, quirking an eyebrow, as if restating the same question back, as if testing you.

You're fuming now. Why was he making it so hard? Why was he doubting you? Out of frustration, you start laughing, which scares him. That can't be good.

"Fine. You wanna know so bad? Take a look,"  you're one tone level away from screaming as you take your phone out of your pocket, unlock it, and open up your conversation with "bluejay park", sliding the phone across the island to reach him.

Jake stares at the phone which now lies there, unlocked, facing him. Isn't this what he wanted? It is, right? That's why he started this dreaded argument with you in the first place.

Then why does he feel so fucking awful?

He looks back up at you, to see you sighing and looking up at the ceiling, as if trying to force your forming tears back into your eyes.

Yup, he feels horrible.

"Happy? Happy to know we were just trying to plan a surprise birthday party for you but you and your jealously just had to know huh, Jake?" You quickly state, voice cracking, as you tried not to choke up. You weren't sad that he found out about the surprise. You were sad that it felt like he didn't trust you. That he thought you were the type of person to do god knows what behind his back. You hated the feeling of not being trusted. Especially by Jake, of all people.

"Fuck."

Jake's face (and heart) falls with the most broken expression you've ever seen. But you're too sad, angry, tired (a mix of all?) to care. Your only goal right now is to not let him see you cry.

You hurry past him, across your apartment, and into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you, leaving behind a shocked, and regretful, Jake.

His heart shrinks when he hears the door slam shut and a little more when he looks down at the still unlocked phone in front of him. He didn't have the heart in him to look at it anymore. Of course he trusted you, he knew what you said was the truth.

He mentally screams at himself for assuming the worst––for thinking that you, a literal angel, would betray him.  First, he thought he was losing you to someone else. Now, he was afraid he just lost you through his own actions. 

He hesitantly sulks over to your door, softly knocking when he reaches it.

"Y/N?"

No response.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I let my—”

"Jake just please leave me alone for now," he hears you painfully say from a distance, meaning you're on your bed. He knows the door's unlocked—the lock on your door hasn't been working for a long time now, despite the many times he tells you to talk to your landlord about it. But he doesn't find it in him to open it. He knows he messed up. If he saw you in there right now, crying, he wouldn't know what to do. He wouldn't know what he would to do himself, knowing he was the reason behind your tears.

He nods in silence, knowing you can't see him, but does so anyways and returns to his spot on the couch. He could leave right now, go back to the dorm with the rest of the guys, let you have your space like you wanted. But his heart hurts at the idea of leaving you sad, angry, or a combination of both. He can't leave this unresolved. He fucked up, he has to fix it.

And so he sits on your couch for another hour. The clock on the wall behind him continues to tick as the silent tension in your apartment continues to grow. When it hits 11pm and he's sure you've slumbered off into sleep, he quietly enters your room.

He can see your figure in the dark, your back facing the door as you're curled up into yourself under the comforter. He feels his heart drop a little more when he imagines you crying in that position from earlier. He slowly peels the comforter open and gets into his side of the bed, careful not to bother your sleeping figure.

Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, he's never felt more like a stranger in your bed. It's not that he hasn't slept over before, god knows he's probably slept over at your place more than he has in his own bed. But right now, in this moment, he just felt awful. Like he didn't deserve to be in such close proximity to you. How could he be deserving? He violated your privacy, made you feel like you weren't trusted, doubted your relationship.

These thoughts run through Jake's head as he stares up at your ceiling fan, wishing he could turn back time to a few hours ago, before he checked your phone, before he let his insecurities get to the best of him.

You can feel the dip he makes in the bed behind you when he gets in. Of course you're not asleep. There's no way sleep could reach you when you had the recent events constantly replaying in your head like a broken record.

You knew Jake with all your heart. You didn't have to look at him to know he was probably laying there, hurt, staring up at the ceiling, drafting what to say once you wake up—or once he knows you're actually still awake.

You decide to break the tension by turning to lay on your other side, facing him.

You were wrong. Thanks to the little sliver of moonlight shining through your sheer curtains, you can see him, now laying on his side, already looking at you with so much regret in his eyes. You can almost hear the cracks in your heart physically forming.

His eyes widen when he realizes you're still awake. He opens his mouth to say something, but not before you quickly shift over to his side of the bed and embrace him in a tight hold, burying your face into his chest. Without any hesitation, he returns the gesture, arms holding your body as close to him as possible. As if once he let go, he'd lose you forever.

He lets out a sigh of relief as he breathes you in. He didn't even know he was holding his breath all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Y/N," he mutters into your hair. He feels his hoodie getting wet from where you buried your face. He pulls you closer, if that's even possible, feeling his own eyes heating up with sadness. He would never forgive himself for making you feel this way.

"You know I trust you right? Please know that. I shouldn't have assumed the worst when I saw your phone. I...I let my insecurities get to the best of me."

You move your head from its home on his chest to look up at him, as if asking him to elaborate. This was new to you, you didn't know he held insecurities in your relationship. But it wasn't because of you, no, you were his entire world. Losing you meant losing everything.

Jake's never been the best at saying his feelings. That's why it took him so long (with the help of his six best friends) to finally confess how he felt about you. He was afraid of letting people in if they could easily walk out. Maybe that's why he never let anyone into his life before you. But oh, were you an exception. The second he met you, he knew he was fucked. But thank god he did, because thanks to you, he's been able to be more open, more vulnerable. He's able to talk to you about anything and everything. He doesn't have that same fear of losing people anymore, not when he has you in his life to reassure him every step of the way. But right now, in this moment, he doesn't know how to tell you that his new fear was, in fact, just losing you.

The sheer idea of you not being a part of his life anymore terrified him. 

"I hope you know you're never going to lose me Jake, if that's what you're insecure about," you softly mutter as you wrap your free arm that's not stuck in between both your bodies around him to gently play with the ends of his hair. It's as if you could read his mind, he loves that you know him so well.

"It just sucks that you could even think I would ever do something as awful as what you were assuming...with one of your closest friends nonetheless," you continue.

"I know. I know, and I feel terrible. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do anything remotely close to that, and I know you would never intentionally try to keep anything from me," he sighs. He shifts so he can lie down on his back, bringing you with him to lie on his chest, never letting you go once. "It's just...I just don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you Y/N. Everyday, I ask myself what heroic thing I must've done in my past life to deserve this life with you and I can't help but think you could just as easily be stripped away from me."

As much as your heart breaks listening to him rant, you feel your love for him grow even more. You knew how hard it was for him to put his true emotions into words, and him telling you this reminded you how much trust he had in you.

After some moments of silence, moments of him drawing random shapes onto your back, moments of you two just holding each other like it was the end of the world, you speak up.

"I love you. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself—"

"No, it's not your fault, I can't help but think things like that. I just don't know what I did to deserve you, and I know that I need to be mo–"

"Babe let me finish," you say with a little giggle in your tone. He immediately stops and mutters a little "sorry". How cute, you tell yourself.

"I was gonna say," you look back up at him so you're making direct eye contact now. "You're the only one that's ever on my mind, Jake. I can't help the way you think, but I can assure you that there is no one else I would rather be with. And I mean that for the rest of life."

You snuggle back into the comfortable hoodie he's currently wearing (you make a mental note to yourself to steal it from him later) and decide to ease the tension,

"So you're stuck with me for life, sorry to inform you Mr. Sim."

Jake lets out a laugh, looking down at you to see you returning his smile with a cheeky one.

"I love you. So much," he says so sincerely, so genuinely, that you almost tear up again from how content you were. Now you were asking yourself, what did you do to deserve him?

Jake Sim is not a jealous person.

No, he just loves you.

A lot.

[impishtubist]

for the ask meme: "tell me what's wrong" for sirius & harry!

Okay, this one got way out of hand, so I'm putting most of it under a cut. Thank you for the excellent prompt! CW for the Dursleys being terrible to a child, but don't worry, Sirius makes it better :)

18. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Petunia Dursley opened the door and said, “He doesn’t want to go with you.”

“What?” Sirius stared at her in disbelief. In six years, Harry had never refused a weekend with Sirius. “Why?”

“How am I supposed to know?” she huffed. She reluctantly stepped back to let Sirius in; he couldn’t remember the last time he had been allowed in the house. Whenever he came for Harry, he had to wait on the doorstep until Harry came outside. “I don’t care what you say to him, but get him out of here before Vernon comes home. I will not have him stay here and ruin our weekend.”

Sirius bit down hard on the inside of his cheek and brushed past her. Six years. Six years of holding his tongue (and leaving his wand in his motorbike) around Harry’s foul relatives so they wouldn’t revoke his right to have Harry for a weekend once a month. Six years of playing nice while he slogged through both the wizarding and Muggle court systems, pursuing any avenue that might allow him custody of his godson. He wanted nothing more than to hex the Dursleys into next week, but he was no good to Harry in prison.

He made his way upstairs to the smallest bedroom, where Harry had a bed and a desk and not much else. Sirius had learned early on to keep most of Harry’s things at his own house, lest they be destroyed by his cousin. He knocked on the door.

“Haz, it’s me. Can I come in?” he asked softly.

A tiny voice said, “Yeah.”

Harry was sitting on his bed, his hands folded in his lap, quiet and still the way no seven-year-old should be. Sirius crouched in front of him.

“Hey, buddy,” he whispered, putting a hand on Harry’s knee. “Your aunt says you don’t want to come with me this weekend.”

Harry wouldn’t meet his eyes. He sniffed and shook his head. “No. I’m gonna stay here.”

“You know that I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do,” Sirius said. “But tell me what’s wrong? Please?”

Harry’s lip wobbled, but he shook his head. Sirius’s heart broke for him.

“Harry, please,” he whispered. “Just tell me what’s wrong, and if you still want to stay here, that’s fine. I won’t force you to come with me. I promise.”

He held up his pinky finger, Harry still being at the age where a pinky swear was the most solemn promise one could make. Harry tentatively clasped his finger, then slid off the bed and padded over to his desk. Sirius stood and followed him. Harry pulled open the top drawer.

“I’m sorry, Siri,” he whispered, tears filling his eyes. “I didn’t mean to.”

On Harry’s third birthday, Sirius had given him a framed picture of James and Lily holding their newborn son. It had sat on Harry’s bedside table ever since. Harry loved this picture. He brought it up nearly every time Sirius saw him, wanting to know about the day he was born and the parents he had never known. Sirius had lost count of the number of times he had told Harry the same story, and he’d happily keep telling it for the rest of his life.

The frame was now broken, the glass shattered, the picture ripped in two. Sirius knew at once that this wasn’t Harry’s doing--even if he’d accidentally knocked over the frame, that picture had been ripped by human hands, and Harry would never have done such a thing.

“Harry,” Sirius said, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible, “what happened?”

“I was bad.” Tears were flowing down Harry’s cheeks now. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” Sirius sank to his knees so he could properly look Harry in the eyes. “You are not bad, Harry. Who did this to your picture? Was it your cousin?”

Harry shook his head. Sirius’s heart sank. It was one thing for a spoiled, entitled child to ruin Harry’s things, but an adult being purposely cruel to Harry…

Well, what did he expect?

“Was it your aunt?” he pressed, and when Harry shook his head again, he asked, “Your uncle?”

Slowly, very slowly, Harry nodded. Sirius let out a slow breath.

“Tell me what happened,” he said.

“Broke a glass,” Harry whispered, breath hitching as he fought back sobs. “I didn’t mean to. And Uncle Vernon s-said that I should--that I should know how it feels to have my things broken, since I keep--I keep breaking theirs. S-so he broke it. And he--he ripped the picture. Padfoot, I’m sorry.”

“Baby,” Sirius said, pulling Harry into his arms, “you didn’t do anything wrong. Is that why you didn’t want to come with me this weekend? You thought I would be mad at you?”

Harry nodded against his shoulder, and Sirius didn’t think he had anything in his heart left to break, but oh, he was wrong. He sat on the floor and settled Harry in his lap, trying to console the sobbing child while his mind raced. This couldn’t go on. He had spent six years playing by the rules, doing everything the right and proper way, and what had it gotten him? James and Lily’s son having to live with people who hated him, who were cruel to him, who starved him of love and affection. What good did playing by the rules do when Harry was miserable?

Sirius took a deep breath, clarity settling over him and calming his frayed nerves as he came to a decision. He was about to do something very, very stupid, and Dumbledore was going to be furious.

Good.

“Harry,” he said, “how would you like to go camping with me and Uncle Moony this weekend?”

Harry looked up at him, face blotchy, eyes overbright. “R-really?”

“Really, Haz. I’m not mad at you at all, and I still want you to come with me this weekend.” And forever. “You know that special backpack I got you, the one that’s bigger on the inside?”

Harry nodded, wiping his cheeks.

“I want you to get that, and fill it with all your favorite things that you have here. Any shoes or clothes or books or toys.” There weren’t many here at the Dursley house, but Harry had a few belongings that he liked. “It’s going to be a special camping trip, where we take all of our favorite things with us. Okay?”

While Harry hurried off to pack up his things, Sirius went back over to the desk and peered down at the shattered frame and tattered picture. He regretted leaving his wand in his motorbike, because it would have been faster to use it, but a few passes with a wandless repairing spell was enough to restore the picture to pristine condition. He then repaired the frame and slipped the picture back inside.

“Here,” he said, putting it in Harry’s backpack. “We’re going to take that with us as well.”

“Really?” Harry’s eyes were wide.

“Absolutely. You ready to go?”

Harry nodded, and Sirius did one last pass of the room to make sure nothing important had been forgotten. Satisfied, he took Harry’s hand and led him downstairs. A scowling Petunia waited by the door, no doubt to make sure with her own eyes that Harry left.

“We’ll see you Sunday night at the usual time,” she said briskly. Sirius always kept Harry as late as he could get away with, dropping him off at Privet Drive well after dinner.

“See you then,” Sirius said. That gave them a two-day head start--he could work with that.

Outside, he got Harry settled in the sidecar with his helmet on, then swung his leg over the bike and started the engine. When they were high in the clouds over Surrey, Sirius had relaxed enough to start planning ahead, instead of reacting. The first step was to stop at his place in Islington to pack some necessities for them both. Then, the two of them would head to Remus’s and enlist his help, preferably by taking him away with them. Sirius could only imagine how that conversation was going to go.

Hey Moony, I may have just kidnapped our godson and now we probably have to flee the country before they realize what I've done and start looking for us, want to come with?

Beside him, Harry gave a whoop of laughter, and Sirius grinned. Whatever happened now, it would be worth it, as long as Harry was happy.

[monsterenergysimp]

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader 

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you 

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.  

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

    shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

    i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

    NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats  super cool actually

    i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and       youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

    [link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

     No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

     I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?  

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Types of love - Jin Drabble ft Jungkook {fluff + angst} Housemate au

You hear a deep sigh beside you as you take out the laundry from the washing machine.

“Noona what are you doing?” Jungkook sounds exasperated with you and it’s only 7 in the morning.

“Jin’s got a meeting at 12, I told him I’d get his clothes ready for him,” you grin brightly at your youngest housemate.

“Why can’t Hyung do it?” He doesn’t return the smile.

“He wanted a lie in.”

There’s that sigh again but you ignore it, it made you feel a little shame that you tried to push down.

“Okay new question,” you could see him pinch the bridge of his nose from the coroner of your eye as you put the clothes in the dryer. “Why are you doing it?”

You shrug, “he’s been busy and I just though-”

“Noona,” cold judgy eyes came from the maknae.

“Kookie leave it, I’m doing it because I want to,” your sunny outlook on today was suddenly dampened by the annoying brat following you.

“He’s taking advantage of you and your feelin-”

“Kook I said leave it!”

You slam the door as you walk out.

——————————————————————————

It was no secret to anyone that you may have feelings for the oldest of your housemates, even though you’ve never ever said it out loud. Your actions spoke for you. You always went the extra mile due to your unrequited affection, but you didn’t mind, you were always taught to love without limits and you swore you did what you did without expecting anything in return. He was just so handsome and funny, you were happy just to be his friend, even if your heart hoped to be something more, you couldn’t help it. Maybe he did sometimes take a little advantage of you? But truly you were to blame for that and you took full responsibility.

You and Jin ignored the way Jungkook was staring daggers at him as you brought him his tea with some cakes to the table when he got back from a long day of work.

“How was work Jin?” You asked.

“Perks of being son of the CEO, everyone offered to do my work for me,” cue the windshield wiper laughter you loved to hear. “The new girl on my floor slipped me her number, it was a pretty good day.”

Your heart sank and with it your smile, you forced it to stay on as he rambled about his day and the pretty new girl, if they both could see your discomfort they didn’t say anything.

Jin wasn’t oblivious he just didn’t care, Jungkook on the other hand now watched your reactions like a hawk.

“It may not be the most professional thing to do as her potential new boss but I may have agreed to drinks Friday night,” he chortles, his spiel coming to an end.

“You’re not taking over the business any time soon Hyung, hold your horses,” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Wait Friday?” You suddenly speak after staying quiet. “Jin we’re all supposed to go for dinner Friday, we booked the table and everything.”

The three of you reserved dinner at the same place every year on the anniversary of you all moving in, it was an important night for you, you three were always so busy or tired so nights out were rare. Plus Jin was always so busy, he was either at work or at the gym or sleeping or out, the housemate anniversary was the only real time you got to spend with him.

“Y/n I think you missed the part of the story where I told you she was hot,” he argues with what he thinks is sound logic.

“Jin it’s the housemate anniversary, it’s sacred are you seriously ditching us for some random girl?”

“It’s not a big deal Y/n, hoes before bros you know?” he laughs at his own stupid joke and for the first time it irritates you a little.

“Not your bro Jin,” you grit your teeth.

“You might as well be Y/n, you’re not exactly the girliest girl ever,” he responds.

“Hyung,” Jungkook warns, finally butting in after watching your discussion like a tennis match.

You sit back in shock, did he seriously bro zone you? What the hell!

“Noona is pretty Hyung, stop being mean,” young Kookie comes to your defence when you fail to speak.

“Oh no I’m not saying she’s not, she’s just not my type,” why the hell was he talking about you like you weren’t there, he wasn’t even looking at you anymore. You sit deflated with you head low, biting back tears. Jin didn’t notice, when did he ever, Jungkook did.

“I think that’s enough.”

Jungkook was right, that was enough, you stood up to leave without uttering another word to them both. Once he heard your door close, Jungkook unleashed hell.

“What the hell hyung! Are you trying to upset her on purpose?” He seethed in a hush tone. “You know how she feels about you what the hell was that?”

“God Kookie don’t start on me it’s been a long day, it’s fun to pick on her a little, what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is you hurt her feelings,” Jungkook says a little louder still trying to control the rage he felt at the man sitting in nonchalance while he had his fists formed and jaws clenched. Jin shrugged his shoulders and Jungkook wondered what happened to his good friend, he was never like this before.

“Hyung you take advantage on her all the time, she literally does everything for you because she cares about you without expecting anything in return and you treat her like shit,” he explains, “it has to stop.”

“I don’t know why you’re lecturing me you brat,” Jin rolls his eyes, “I’m older than you by 5 years, learn some respect.”

Jungkook walked away before he laid his fist into his friend and lived to regret it, he didn’t realise you heard every word.

——————————————————————————

“Is he seriously not coming?”

It was stupid to hope that Jin would make an appearance while you both waited for him at home dressed and ready. He still hadn’t come from work... he finished two hours ago. You weren’t upset because you liked Jin, you were upset because you thought at least you meant something as a friend. Jin and Jungkook became what you thought were best friends for you, regardless of stupid feelings, you just thought they felt the same.

Jungkook stood next to your sitting form, moving his weight from foot to foot.

“I don’t think he is Noona, he said he wasn’t going to,” Jungkook sighed. “Why are we still waiting, we’re going to miss our reservation.”

He hated seeing you sad, if he could punch some sense into Jin he would, hell he’d punch him anyway for making you look so downcast. He sighs deeply again, throwing his head back in exasperation.

He kneels down in front of you, taking you hands into his as you look up slightly to meet his gaze. He has stars in his eyes, you think, why hadn’t you noticed before?

“Noona should we just cancel?” He asks delicately. “We can go get our pjs and order an Indian and have a stupid movie night.”

He was really trying to make things better you could feel it, your blatant emotions for his friend must’ve made him feel so uncomfortable but he’s still trying for you. You offer him a small smile.

“Sounds great Kookie,” you say sincerely.

——————————————————————————

“Oh my god are you kidding me!” Jungkook says half seriously yelling at you. “Iron man is way better than Batman.”

You laugh out so loud, you can’t remember the last time you felt like this.

“I didn’t mean it Koo,” you say between breaths of laughter. “You’re just so cute!”

He fights the red feeling blooming in his face as he pokes the inside of cheek with his tongue in faux annoyance. Jungkook was loving your impromptu movie night, it was the first time in forever you didn’t mention he who must not be named.

“That’s just cruel, you don’t joke about iron man, it’s blasphemy,” his words make you laugh harder and it makes him break out in a big grin, one that wipes away as you both hear the keys turn.

Jin was not expecting you both curled up on the sofa with take away containers on the coffee table when he walked home from a rather boring date. Your laughter dies in your throat before he even walked into the room, eyes boring into the tv. Jungkook keeps his arm around you in place, he felt warm and comfortable he didn’t want this feeling to end.

“Good date Hyung?” He doesn’t know why he asked when he could feel you stiffen in his hold.

“Yeah,” he says a little dazed at the sight in front of him. “did you guys not go out?”

“Nah we stayed in and had a iron man marathon,” the bunny teeth were out as he grinned.

“I lost Rock Paper Scissors,” you offered meekly. Why did you feel like you were cheating on Jin? That was ridiculous, you were not dating Jin and you were just friends with Jungkook, right? “Wanna join?”

He shakes his head, “no you guys look like you’re having fun, plus I’m a bit tired so I’m going to head to bed.”

You normally offer him some tea and cake at this point, but you stay silent, Jin tries not to read into why it makes his chest feel heavy with disappointment and something else he can’t quite figure out.

——————————————————————————

You were laughing loudly again, it was irritating the broad shouldered man to no end, he didn’t mind the sound honestly, he just hated the reason why you were in this state. Jungkook was making faces at you while you both cooked and honestly Jin couldn’t understand why you found it so funny.

“You look like a meme!” You chortle.

“Is dinner ready yet?” Jin interrupts.

“Patience Hyung,” Jungkook doesn’t break eye contact with you, still smiling brightly. He’s so pretty when he smiles, you felt like you hadn’t seen it for a while before your movie night.

“Are you two dating?” Jin slams his laptop shut in his outbreak, he didn’t mean to ask but it came out anyway. You nearly drop the plate you’re holding but Jungkook catches it before you let it go. Now your both holding a plate while staring at each other wide eyed, while Jin gawks at you both with a quiet anger simmering away inside of him.

Why are you both blushing furiously? Jungkook is the first to break away as he stares his Hyung down with his own anger.

“So what if we are?” He asks. “I don’t think it’s any of your business either way.”

“Jungkook...” you frown, you were not dating, why didn’t he just say no... why didn’t you just say no?

Jin scoffs, he couldn’t really say anything to that but it pissed him off.

“I didn’t realise you were into toy boys Y/n,” he jeers.

Now you were frowning at Jin as Jungkook started to shake with rage.

“I could treat her a lot better than you ever could,” he seethes back.

“You’re still a kid Jungkookie, Y/n always treats you like one,” did he seriously not hear the irony in his words?

“That’s enough!” It’s you that breaks up the inane argument. “Jungkook is not a kid Jin, just because he’s young and nice doesn’t make him any less of a man than you.”

They’re both shocked at your outburst.

“He’s been a wonderful friend to me for years, he’s always had my back, always looked out for me even when I was being a stupid idiot pining after you!”

The youngest of the trio can feel his chest full with warmth at your words and the way your glaring at the oldest with such disdain he never thought he’d see. Jin stays quiet at your onslaught starting to feel shame as he reflected on how he’s treated you through the years. He used to really adore you too, really appreciated everything you did for him but when everyone at work started treating him the same it became a normalcy, something expected instead of a gift.

“I’d be so lucky if Kookie dated me, although he’d be out of his mind to after how pathetic I’ve been, he’s the best guy I know, don’t speak to him like that.”

Jungkook can’t help the small smile fighting to turn the corners up on his mouth, Jin doesn’t miss the way he looks at you, full of love. You were an idiot not to see it, it had been there for a while.

“Noona, the pastas burning...”

You turn back to the stove feeling the heat in your face from your rant, you didn’t expect it from yourself to be honest. Jungkook stood beside you, mixing the sauce in the other pan while the room sat in silence.

He couldn’t help but steal glances at you, couldn’t help the hope in his heart build, maybe you felt the same way about him too. Maybe this is what redamancy feels like.

You try to sneak a peak at the man standing next to you, surprised to see his eyes already on you, you feel your heart stop for a second before it restarted anew.

You return his smile, you can’t help it.

[ja3minz]

warnings. fem!reader, voyeurism, public fingering, light humiliation and manipulation kink, finger sucking. ment. jeno, renjun, hyuck.

this was wrong.

this was so very wrong, and you knew it. there was this churning feeling in the pit of your stomach, a stinging sensation in the base of your thumbs that told that you were doing something terribly immoral.

well...you weren’t the one doing it. technically.

the metaphorical devil on your shoulder tried to reason, and you made a small, annoyed noise to yourself. two long fingers had practically made their home inside of your core; index stroking your sensitive bundle of nerves slowly but it was still enough to put you in a haze.

you squeezed your thighs shut, puffs of hot breath leaving your lips in quick succession. the culprit only hummed in response, a shameless grin spreading over his face, brown eyes glinting with what could only be described as playful defiance. na jaemin had you exactly where he wanted you.

“you’re doing so good, sweetheart.” jaemin whispered, his head buried in the crook of your neck. “such pretty little noises you’re making for me.”

you whined in response, and you sounded so meek and submissive; you hated it. you never once in your wildest dreams thought that jaemin of all people, the boy who just a day ago was happily introducing himself to your parents, would be the one to have you in such a predicament. cuddled up on the couch with him, a throw blanket rested over both of you, while jeno and renjun sat mere inches away from you.

there was a part of you that remembered growing up with nct dream, watching them walk their path to achieving their dreams of becoming idols. you remembered meeting jeno and jaemin back when they were in the mickey mouse club, all of you in the same age range with goals of making it big.

so, the fact that you were inside of their dorms being fingered by their best friend and bandmate while they were supposed to be watching movies almost felt sacrilegious.

but you didn’t dare tell jaemin to stop.

so he continued, index finger lazily massaging your soaking wet core as if nothing was happening. he even managed to keep a straight face, staring at the screen and turning to crack jokes with jeno every so often. he wasn’t even blushing! how the hell was that fair at all?

you were filled with so much shame, and yet at the same time the thrill of being touched so explicitly right in front of people made your heart race.

every time his fingers would dip to gather some of your essence, teasing at your begging hole, it would take every ounce of you not to scream. you wanted to drop to your knees and beg him to just fuck you stupid, right in front of everyone. you wanted him to go faster, you wanted his mouth on you, you wanted his hands all over you.

goddamnit, you just wanted to cum.

“nngh...t-tease…” you mumbled, furrowing your eyebrows in frustration. jaemin only chuckled softly in response, other hand rested on your thigh; fingers drawing patterns over the expanse of it. “but you sound so cute.” he giggled against your ear, kissing your cheek. “you’re so good for me, doll, you’re doing so good.”

to the naked eye, jaemin was just being overly affectionate. which was in his nature truly, so jeno and renjun didn’t bat an eyelash at him canoodling with you the way he was. if only they knew what magic his fingers were working underneath that throw blanket.

“should i let you cum right here? hm?”

panic began to rise through your chest as jaemin picked up his speed, he kept an eye on his friends, index finger rubbing your clit in quick circles; or as quick as he could do without getting caught. you dug your fingers into the flesh of his arm, whimpering softly as you shut your eyes to try to focus. you were trying your absolute best not to let your thighs tremble, but it was useless at this point.

“jaem, no...n-not here. please, not here.” you pleaded with him, voice a broken whisper. jaemin hummed, his middle finger slipping inside of you before you could stop him.

you inhaled sharply, which caused jeno and renjun to turn to look at you. “you okay?” renjun tilted his head at you and you scrambled to come up with an excuse, nodding your head rigorously.

“yeah! i’m okay! i, uh. i just...accidentally scratched myself too hard. g-gotta cut my nails later.”

renjun narrowed his eyes at you for a moment before nodding, seemingly buying it, and you felt like your heart was gonna come tumbling out of your ass at any minute.

jaemin giggled again, nibbling on your earlobe. “nice save, baby. you’re adapting well.” he teased, and you were so angry you wanted to scream. as a ‘reward’ he curled his middle finger inside of you and you were losing your mind.

you bit down on your lip so hard it hurt, head falling and resting on his chest. “please...please please please please…” you whispered.

“shh shh. c’mon, baby, you can handle it.” jaemin whispered into your ear. “you’re doing so good. so good, my baby, you’re gonna earn your orgasm. i’ll make you feel so good.”

you bit back another whimper, eyes falling shut again as you tried to calm yourself as best as you could. you felt like one more prod was going to send you right over the edge. “nana...i c-can’t…”

“you can.”

jaemin’s voice was dark and demanding, and it made you shiver. “sit still.”

minutes went by, and they felt like hours. the movie had finished and the boys had a long conversation about how boring it was for it to have been a horror movie; you were unable to contribute much as you weren’t paying much attention to it to begin with.

the plan was to order food and watch something significantly better, which in jeno’s mind was some obscure murder mystery he had found on netflix. jeno had left to go to the bathroom, renjun getting up to make popcorn and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“jaem, for fuck’s sake.” you finally burst out, whimpering and whining as you buried your face in his chest. “you’re so fucking mean, i hate you.”

jaemin laughed as he slid a second finger into you, surveying the area and making sure the coast was clear before curling both fingers and ramming them into you with such speed you were sure you were going to pass out. after at least an hour of slow teasing, the sudden onslaught of pleasure was almost over stimulating. you threw your head back, eyebrows furrowing and eyes crossing while your thighs instinctively shut around his hand. it was too much for you, so much that you began to try and squirm away from him only to have jaemin give your thighs a firm slap.

“keep them open.”

“n-no, you’re gonna...m-make me…”

“that’s the plan.” jaemin glanced up again, making sure to keep a lookout. “if you don’t cum before they get back, you’re gonna have to wait another hour or more. possibly until they fall asleep, which could take all night. you’re very impatient so i know you don’t want that.”

oh, god you hated time limits.

you were sure you had, at best, 30 seconds or less before jeno or renjun returned. the last thing you wanted was to be caught mid orgasm by either of them. what would they think of you? their friend reduced to some disgusting little whore being fingered on their expensive couch?

something about that turned you on so much more, though. the adrenaline of trying not to be caught, chasing your orgasm as fast as you could. “you’d better hurry…” jaemin sounded almost sing-songy in your ear, fingers still fucking into you at speed your brain couldn’t comprehend. with the palm of his hand rubbing against your clit, you were melting into his arms.

you stuffed your fingers into your mouth in a feeble attempt to keep yourself quiet enough that they wouldn’t hear but your poor brain was fried, all you could think of was jaemin and how good his fingers felt inside of you.

‘fuck, i have to cum now. i need it, i need it so bad. they’re gonna see me, fuck. oh, god, they’re going to catch me. this is so fucked, they’ll never see me the same if they catch me. they’ll think im such a slut, i have to hurry!’

suddenly your jaw went slack, the burning knot in the pit of your stomach finally unraveling. there was an explosion of white, followed by splotches of every other color in the rainbow as you convulsed in his arms. you found yourself biting down on jaemin’s collarbone as you hid your face in the crook of his neck trying not to scream while he cooed in your ear.

“theeere she is. that’s my girl, i knew you could do it. i knew you could hold out for me, baby. fuck, you’re so beautiful, that’s it. thaaat’s it, fuck my hand. god, you’re amazing.”

you whined desperately, trying to push his arm away as he continued to rub at your over sensitive clit. your chest was heaving, tears clinging to the corners of her eyes and then you heard footsteps. jeno had returned first.

he sighed, sliding his phone back into his pocket before glancing around the room; locking eyes with you. you looked out of breath, panting in jaemin’s arms while he smiled down at you with a loving look in his eyes. “what the fuck are you two doing?” he asked bluntly with a laugh.

you startled, giggling nervously out of instinct. had he seen you? did he know what was going on?

“i showed her this funny video donghyuck sent me.” jaemin answered calmly, removing his fingers from their warm spot inside of you. “she started doing that thing where she laughs until she cries.”

god, he’s way too good at this.

you lifted a hand to wipe your tears and gave another giggle, playing along with his story. “the stupidest shit makes me laugh, it’s really awful.”

jeno scoffed a small laugh, falling down on the couch. “yeah, tell me about it. your humor’s so fucked, one weird sound and you’re giggling about it for weeks.”

‘home safe. god, how did i get out of this.’ you thought as he and jaemin delved into a conversation of stupid memes and how weird the internet’s humor had become.

renjun returned with popcorn and the food jeno had ordered, giving jaemin the chance to fully retrieve his hand as they had their backs turned. “messy girl.” he whispered to you, smirking as he showed you his two fingers coated in your juices.

you felt like your face was on fire, watching him dramatically encase his own fingers within his mouth; licking your cum clean off them before turning to grab the ramen he had ordered as if nothing had happened.

you started incredously at the back of his head, in utter shock at just how brazen your boyfriend truly is. you hated that you weren’t sure if you could control yourself the next time you were left alone with him. you were half considering taking him to the bathroom to take his cock into your mouth and give him a taste of his own medicine.

you decided to keep your composure, though. trembling hands reaching for the peach flavored drink you ordered while jaemin practically burst with pride when renjun began to tease you for your shaking hands.

[ms-demeanor]

While I love the theory of the depression post, the cause of my depression is my own ugliness and inadequacy. And alas no amount of small external things ever distract me from having to see myself be myself, feel myself, every moment. It just shows other things are better than me, once again.

Okay but what if your brain is lying to you about that.

Did someone sit with you and examine your life and all your actions at some point saying “yep, anon is totally inadequate, doesn’t measure up to standards 21-a through 47-m of being a person, that’s where the depression is coming from” or is that a thing that your brain has told you?

Because depression brain lies.

You exist. You’re a person with a presence in the world. That is adequate. You are reaching out and making contact with people. That is adequate.

Depression brain likes to tell us that we’re failures, that we haven’t ticked the right boxes or finished all the projects that we meant to, or that we’ve let down all our friends and family and are failures, irredeemable, intolerable, inadequate failures.

But. Like. Your brain is an asshole and its checklist of what you have to do to be “adequate” is completely impossible and you can never measure up to it so. Don’t? You really don’t have to? Just being here and existing as a person in the world is a good enough reason to want to exist without pain and misery.

It’s impossible to fail enough as a person that you DESERVE to feel this way, so it’s okay to take steps to feel better, even if they seem stupid and silly and like they won’t work because your depression is just a PART of you and you’ll NEVER FEEL BETTER and you SHOULD feel like this because you’re a BAD PERSON. (All of those all caps words are lies that depression brain tells a lot of us. They’re not true for me, I’m guessing they’re not true for you either because I honestly and legitimately believe that they’re not true for any human beings and unless you’re about to tell me some really cool facts about the universe then you’re a human being and you don’t deserve to feel like this, couldn’t do anything to deserve to feel like this)

Now, let’s talk about ugliness.

Physical appearances are totally immaterial and have no bearing on your worth or value as a person and if people treat you badly for being physically ugly those people fucking suck and you don’t have to pay attention to them. They and their shitty opinions are not your problem.

BUT if you’re talking about emotional/mental ugliness, well, that’s a thing that depressed people often deal with.

We’ve got a lot of ugly thoughts, sometimes we think cruel things about others as well as ourselves. Sometimes we end up being unpleasant to be around; sometimes we even end up manipulating other people and that’s certainly not a good thing.

But there’s a difference between having ugly thoughts and ugly emotions and being a bad, cruel, or unpleasant person.

It’s okay to think ugly things. You’re probably never going to stop doing that and without a lot of practice you’re going to reach for ugly reactions as the first response to anything that upsets you.

This is an excellent reason to learn to recognize and articulate your feelings and to take responsibility for how they impact other people.

Because here’s the thing, being a “bad person” internally doesn’t really matter (I mean, it matters in the long-term context of your ongoing mental health but that is a problem for someone who is not in deep crisis mode to grapple with) so long as it doesn’t impact other people.

But, okay, let’s say you’re right and your depression is caused by the fact that you’re an inadequate, ugly person.

Over time writing down good things that you enjoy will STILL prevent you from dropping into depressive spirals and will still provide evidence that you’re capable of experiencing positive emotions.

Even if there’s a “legitimate” reason for your depression there’s no reason to make it worse and it’s not cheating on the universe if you take steps to alleviate the symptoms.

Also, tip for people who have issues with feeling inadequate:

Don’t just write down things that make you feel good, write down when YOU do a good thing.

Were you there for a friend? Did you help your sibling with homework? Did you offer to pick up groceries for your neighbor? Did you volunteer for the Trevor Project? Did you finish writing a paper? Did you update a fanwiki?

WRITE IT DOWN WHEN YOU MAKE AN IMPACT ON THE WORLD. Write it down when you do something that makes someone else’s day easier, write it down when you finish a project, write it down when you do favors for people.

You don’t have to, like, go out and BRAG about these things, but when your depression brain is saying “hey you’re a shithead who has never finished anything and never helped anyone” then you can go “bullSHIT I helped that guy who needed a jump last week, and two weeks ago I finished my midterms.”

I have complicated feelings about this because I think the definition of “worth” our society imposes on people is harmful - “You are worth more than your productivity” is genuinely the most helpful thing that anyone has ever said to me and was actually life-changing - but there’s still value in being able to point to the world and go “I did that and it mattered” and, yeah. That song you wrote mattered. Picking up your mom’s medicine from the pharmacy mattered. Giving cash to someone who needed it mattered. You have value in the world and it’s okay to write down the valuable things to do to use them as evidence in the bullshit show trial your brain is setting you up to fail.

Also.

So what if things are better than you.

There are worse things than you too.

Write a list of the things that you are better than.

“I am better than every single employee of ICE.”

“I am better than that girl who built a career off of carrying a gun at Kent State.”

“I am better than literal dogshit and even literal dogshit is an important part of the local ecosystem so at least I’ve got that going for me.”

Like, yeah, I am *NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD* as evidence that the moon is wet, but I’m better than cities that fund school resource officers.

ALSO ALSO

This specific type of negative thinking, the “your advice about depression is very good but it doesn’t apply to me because I’m a special category of unrecoverable awfulness” is a very, very common symptom of untreated, unmanaged depression. It is similar to the “your advice about depression is very good but doesn’t apply to me specifically because I have [x] barrier that prevents me from writing a journal of positive thoughts” negativity.

We’re all unique and special buds, but you ain’t special in that way.

Pick up a blank piece of paper and write about a meme you liked. Do the same thing tomorrow. Do the same thing the day after that. Do the same thing forever.

For some people it doesn’t get better, but you do get better at managing it.

Good luck, buds.