#i dunno what would be a similar saying to this in english but;; | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atinyniki · 4 months

Text

mistakes and apologies.

group: stray kids !

pairing: ex-cupid!hwang hyunjin x human f!reader

genre: angst, fluff, suggestive

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, hyunjin is referred to as jin, jinnie, hyune, blood (ish?), reader kinda is a dumbass, intimacy, mentions of sex (no smut), ANGSTTT, taehyun is readers ex-boyfriend, harin is taehyuns girlfriend, pregnancy, mentions of cheating, new relationships and the pain thata goes along with it, hyunjin starting his life as a human being, hyun = taehyun hyunjin = hyune (its meant to sound similar so jinnie gets jelly >:)) ), crying, drinking and alcohol.

authors note: (pt. 2 of cupid's arrow) repost of an old fic but took out the smut part of this bc... it didnt seem important. there are still sexual parts in this fic !!! remember that before reading please :) this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 5892

“y/n! i’m home!”

you walk over to the door, excited to see your boyfriend after he went out for groceries. he took a lot longer than you usually would, but you guess it’s because he’s never been grocery shopping before.

the second you saw him though, you realized you were completely wrong. your heart felt like it was going to explode again.

“how do i look?”

you walk over to him, twirling a couple strands of his now black hair around your finger. you beam at him, “it looks so pretty, jinnie...”

hyunjin’s heart swells in his chest. you’ve done this so many times before. when in bed, doing his makeup, while you’re reading, you always have your hands in his hair, but you’ve never done it simply just to admire it.

the look in your eyes slowly has him shying away, averting your gaze and settling his eyes onto your shoulder instead. “thank you…”

you grab some of the bags from his hand, bringing them to the kitchen and putting some things in the fridge. “i’m sorry, i wanted to look more… you know… human i guess? the pink stood out a little.”

you walk over to him and smile, tucking some of the black wisps of hair behind his ear. “why are you apologizing jinnie? i said it looks pretty on you! i love it.”

“oh. i dunno, i just- i know how much you loved my pink hair.”

he sets down the bags onto the counter, eyeing you as you approach him. you cup his face in your hands, smiling at him.

his cheeks burn red at the proximity of your faces, and you finally give him a quick peck on his lips. “i love you hyune, you know that right? a hair color isn’t going to change how i feel about you, dummy”, you giggle.

he hasn’t gotten used to the whole relationship thing, but it’s safe to say he’s loving it so far.

“thank you, i love you too”

“i got the job!”

you jump up, walking over to hug him. “i’m glad, you deserve it. you’re really talented hyune”

though it’s happened many times, he’ll never get used to your praise. it seems like you always know what to say in the moment, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

he holds onto you tight, pulling away a little to kiss your cheek. he giggles, “thanks y/n…”

after a moment of comfortable silence, you pull away and take his hand in yours. “come eat, i made dinner”

you both sit down at the table, talking more about his new job as a dance instructor. “when do you start working?”

“monday, and i only work weekdays”

you hum in acknowledgement, taking another bite of the jjajangmyeon you made. “how long do you work? just so i know in case we have to schedule things.”

“four hours a day, i start at four”

“hmm… okay”

he continues eating, surprised he’s never had this dish before, but then again, food was different up there. you grab onto his hand, smiling at him while you wait for him to finish eating.

he finishes his bowl not too long after, only to turn and see you staring right at him. you giggle, trying not to sputter out a laugh. “is something wrong?”

you smile at him, “you have a little sauce on your face”

“what? where?”

you point to where it is, but he misses. “here, let me”

you swipe the sauce away from his lip, and look back up into his eyes. he stares back with wide eyes, inevitably getting flustered at the little action. you pull him down by his shirt to kiss him once, pulling away not long after and bringing the bowls to the sink.

he stays sat at the table in surprise, is it normal to be so flustered all the time?

“hyune? are you in- oh…”

the pale yellow glow of his wings lit up the room just enough to see what was in front of him. he quickly shuts off his phone, where he has the reference photo, and almost knocks over the canvas in the process.

“don’t look…”

you giggle, walking over him and hugging him from behind. “awh… jinnie”

you watch as his cheeks flush red, and he brings his hands up to cover his face. “shut up…”

you pry his hands off his face and kiss him on the cheek, exaggerating it with a loud ‘mwah’. you see the smile erupt on his face, and you couldn’t stop anymore. you begin peppering kisses all over his face, sitting down on his lap somewhere in between.

he finally pulls away, only to finally kiss your lips. you deepen it, running your tongue along his bottom lip, silently asking for permission. of course, it’s not like he can resist anyways.

you tug some of his hair, earning a groan from him, and your heart feels like it’s going to explode. “hyune…”, you whisper.

he doesn’t let you continue, kissing you again and standing up, holding you against him. you wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you to the bedroom, the painting long forgotten.

he climbs onto you, tugging on your shirt with his hands. you quickly throw it off, taking his off next.

“need you…”

“are you okay? do you need anything?”

“hyune, you’ve asked me that like… six times”

“oh… sorry”

you giggle at him, grabbing his arms and pulling him back down onto the bed. “come here”

hyunjin has put on a shirt already, but you’re still completely bare. you hold him close to you, giving him little kisses on his face and watching him giggle.

his eyes are fixed onto your face, practically unable to wander anywhere else when he has this gorgeous sight in front of him. “you’re so beautiful”, me mutters as he kisses your cheek.

“i love you hyune”

his eyes widen again, it seems like he hasn’t gotten used to you saying it yet. he nuzzles into your chest, looking up at you again and kissing over your collarbone. “i love you too”

he wraps his arms around you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. “you know, i look forward to this everyday.”

you giggle, “what, sex?”

he smiles, “no, just to hold you.”

you blush, “oh, i-“

“shh… just rest now. need you close to me…”

your fingers graze his wings a little, and he immediately relaxes into your hold. yeah, you can definitely get used to this.

“open it!”

“i’m scared, is a spider going to jump out of it or something?”

“what?! no! just… just open it.”

you slowly take off the lid, spotting what looks like a mini photo book inside. “what’s this?”

“my sketchbook.”

you look back up at him, “don’t you need this?”

“it’s my old one, look inside”

you hold the book, admiring the work done at the front. pretty flowers are scribbled onto the cover, and you run your fingers along the grooves. you open the book, and your jaw drops instantly.

you flip through the countless photos he’s drawn of you, even one of you on your first “date” at the cafe. you still remember how your nose bled so bad that day, and you smile to yourself.

“well, do you-“

before he can get his question out, you pull him into a soft kiss, smiling when you hear his surprised yelp.

“i love it. its beautiful, hyune…”

his heart swells in his chest again, something about these moments felt so special to him. he hopes he’ll remember these moments forever.

the honeymoon phase can only last so long, right?

you walk over to the snacks section, trying to find those chips that hyunjin really likes, but you can’t remember what they’re called. you stroll through the aisle, looking for the packaging.

you spot the light purple bag, picking it up until you hear a voice from beside you. “y/n?”

you turn your head to where you heard it come from, “hyun? hey!”

he walks over to you, it’s been a while since you’ve seen him last, only ever seeing his posts with his girlfriend. “how are you?”

he giggles at the question, but you’re not sure why. “good, i see you’ve been doing well.”

you give him a questioning look, until he begins playfully nudging your shoulder. “so thankful for my hyunnie”, he says in a mocking voice.

you quickly push him off of you, “shut up, taehyun”

“awhh, but you love him don’t you?”, he asks with pleading eyes. “yes, i do, now shut up about him.”

he giggles again, “is someone getting flustered?”

you finally turn towards him, rolling your eyes, “fine then, how’s your girlfriend hyun? don’t you love her so much?”, you giggle.

you watch as he flushes red, god you’re both in deep shit. after laughing at him for a little, he speaks up. “i actually came here to um… get a pregnancy test”

your eyes go wide, and your head shoots up to look at him. “wait… really?!”

he smiles, nodding at you. “we’ve been trying for a while”

“that’s great! you should probably get going now then, i don’t want you to worry her.”

he hums in agreement, smiling and bidding his goodbyes. you remind yourself to text him later to ask about it.

you’re glad you stayed on good terms.

“what? really?! she’s really pregnant?”

“yes!”

“oh my gosh! i’m so happy for you guys!”

“how are you and hyunjin?”

the conversation went on for hours, it’s been a long time since you’ve really talked. you missed taehyun. not as a lover of course, but as a friend. he always knew how to listen to you and help you.

you try to block out the bad memories, the rejection and heartbreak. you wished you stayed friends, maybe it would be a lot easier to talk to him without all that history.

you start making the jjajangmyeon, hyunjin’s new favorite dish, with the phone at your side. “yeah he’s really come to like my jjajangmyeon so i make it a bunch”

“ah i see, harin loves jjajangmyeon too! maybe we should plan a double date”, he giggles.

you were so lost in the conversation that you didn’t even hear him coming through the door. he hugs you from behind, almost causing you to drop the pot you were holding.

“god! you scared me…”

you pick up your phone, “sorry hyun, hyunjin just got home. i’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“of course! enjoy the food”

“thanks, bye hyun!”

“bye byeee”

you end the call, turning around to hug hyunjin properly. “dinners ready, i made you your favorite”

he gives you a tired smile, and you both sit down at the table with your plates. “who were you talking to earlier?”

you know he wasn’t being suspicious, and it was just out of pure curiosity, but the way he said it made you giggle. “oh, that was taehyun”

he hummed in acknowledgement. “never heard of them before”, he smiled. “yeah, he’s an old friend”

“ah… i see”, he takes another bite of his food, almost deep in thought. he knows very well who taehyun is, hyunjin was your cupid after all. but it seemed to fly over your head, you thought of hyunjin as a normal person now, your lover.

“hyune? you okay?”

he looks up at you, smiling again and kissing your cheek. “just tired. missed you…”

you giggle again, hyunjin never fails to make you smile. “i missed you too hon.”

the silence felt truly comfortable with hyunjin. not too long after, you bring him to the bedroom, running a bath for him and slowly undressing him.

“thank you…”

you give him a little kiss, “don’t thank me. this should be the bare minimum.”

after a moment of silence, you wonder why he hasn’t gone in yet. “is something wrong?”

“yes.”

he quickly undresses you, and you let him of course, although you’re a little confused. you expected him to be tired, not wanting any intimacy right now.

instead of sitting on the bed, he picks you up and sets you down in the bathtub, settling in with you not long after.

“need to be close to you…”

you massage his aching limbs with the foamy bubbles, smiling and kissing his face every so often. you know he’s working hard, and you just want to take care of him for now. “sorry for being so clingy.”

“don’t apologize, i need you just as much.”

you’ve finished the movie you were watching with hyunjin, finally grabbing the new book you bought to read. hyunjin stays put in your lap, enveloping himself in your warmth.

you start to read, the room completely silence aside from your breathing. “y/n?”

you were a little startled by his voice, but answered him. “yes jinnie?”

“can you… um- read to me?”

you giggle at him, poking his nose. “of course darling.”

you continue to read the romance novel, reading most of the soft scenes. hyunjin can’t help but imagine the both of you two in the book instead of the characters.

his breathing stills, but he’s still awake. you don’t know that though. you continue to read, until you get a phone call. “hello? taehyun?”

hyunjin continues to act like hes asleep, scared that you’ll get mad if he interrupts. “hey y/n! how are you?”

“oh i’m pretty good, just reading a book right now. why what’s up?”

“well, harin wanted me to invite you over! i think she’s crazy but she really wants to meet you. says you remind her of her sister.”

you giggle, “oh yeah of course! when?”

“when are you free?”

“well, i can come over right now if that’s okay with you”

“of course! will you be bringing hyunjin?”

“no i don’t think so, he’s sleeping right now”

you both say your goodbyes, and you carefully slip off the couch, setting hyunjin’s head down into a pillow and covering him with a blanket.

you quickly get ready, leaving hyunjin a note on the table and giving him a peck on the forehead. you enter your car not long after, driving over to taehyuns.

hyunjin quickly got off the couch to check the note.

‘going to taehyuns! he wanted to see me. i’ll be back soon love, make sure to eat!’

of course, hyunjin couldn’t hear the other end of h the phone call. he didn’t really know that taehyun had a girlfriend, or that you were going more to meet her rather than see taehyun.

maybe you should’ve worded it better…

it’s been happening a lot now, you’ve been leaving the house to talk to harin and taehyun almost everyday.

of course, hyunjin didn’t want to talk to you about it though, he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. he didn’t want to be jealous, he really did trust you but… he just couldn’t help himself.

he didn’t know how to approach you about it, so he planned on telling you when he got home. he just wanted to talk to you for a little bit, because truthfully, he just missed you.

“y/n? i’m home!”

he continues looking for you, but you’re nowhere to be found. he lets his wings out, wanting to relax for a bit. he looks for the note you’ve probably left on the counter.

picking it up, he reads it, but it’s no surprise you’re at taehyuns. at least you leave a note, right? he walks over to the kitchen. maybe it’ll be better to talk about this over dinner?

it probably would be, if his wing didn’t get stuck between the door to the pantry. “fuck-“

he tries opening the door, but only folds the part of the wing. he screams in pain, trying to get it out carefully. it doesn’t budge. tears start leaving his eyes, he can’t escape. he does the only thing he can, and grabs his phone out of his pocket.

he calls you. no answer. he calls you again. no answer. fuck it.

hyunjin: y/n i need your help.

hyunjin: it’s urgent, come home please

hyunjin: y/n please?

no. answer.

shit. what now?

he tries prying himself out, but he pulls too hard. a loud scream echos through the empty house, hyunjin falling onto the floor. the half of the wing that’s been torn off has completely disintegrated into various colors of glitter.

a pink liquid drips from the inside of his torn wing, and he quickly grabs a tissue to stop it. he waits for it all to dry, and puts away his wings.

maybe it’s better to rest for now. all of a sudden, he gets a phone call from an unknown number.

“hello?”

“hi! is this hyunjin?”

“yes it is, what can i help you with?”

“oh! im taehyun, im sure y/n has told you about me. long story short, we went clubbing for some fun and she got incredibly drunk… i don’t think she’s in proper condition to drive. is it okay if she stays over for the night?”

his heart sinks into his chest, he prays taehyun won’t take advantage of your vulnerable state right now.

“oh yeah, of course. thanks for taking care of her.”

taehyun can hear the pain in his voice. “hyunjin, are you okay? i can drop her off and pick her up later to get her car if you’re more comfortable with that?”

“oh i’m okay! sorry�� just hurt myself a little earlier and im a bit tired”

“ah i see, hope you feel better soon!”

“thanks taehyun. have a good night, text me if you need me”

he couldn’t stand waiting for a goodbye from taehyun, only hanging up and opening his messages again.

he unsends all the messages he sent you, scared you’ll feel bad for not being there. it’s okay, you were just drunk right? you wouldnt ignore him.

at least he hopes so.

“hyune? i’m home!”

“hey baby”, you hear from the couch behind you.

“oh gosh! you scared me”

he lets out a giggle, but you heard a different emotion laced into the sound. “sorry, just wanted to relax here for a bit.

“is something wrong? you texted me yesterday but it said you unsent the messages.”

“oh, no nothing happened. i was just asking about if you were coming home, but taehyun called me”

“oh okay! do we have any juice?”

“yeah, i bought some for your hangover. check the fridge.”, he replied a little coldly.

your heart clenched a little, confused as to why he was acting like this. you grab the juice and pour yourself a glass.

you notice traces of glitter on the floor outside of the pantry. “hyune, why is there glitter on the floor?”

“oh, just residue from my wings.”

“oh…”

it’s quiet once again, and you walk towards the couch.

“are you okay?”, you ask a little quietly.

“just tired”

“oh… okay”

a moment of silence passes. normally it’s comfortable in eachothers presence, but this time it felt suffocating.

“i love you hyune”

he doesn’t say anything for a moment, clenching his fists to ease the pain coursing through his veins.

“i love you too”, he answers, a little slower than usual.

you sit down next to him, nuzzling into his warmth. he has every right to be mad, but he wraps his arms around you anyways. he’s still upset, but he’ll talk to you when you’re in the right mind.

that time never came. you went over to harin’s every day since then, normally coming home to see hyunjin already asleep.

this time though, you don’t expect him to be standing right at the door waiting for you.

“where were you?”

“what? you know where i was. i was at hyuns”

he didn’t mean for the next question to come out so harsh, but he couldn’t help it. “are you cheating?”

your eyes go wide, “w-what?”

“are you cheating on me with taehyun?”, he asks again sternly.

“hyunjin that’s crazy, why would you even ask that?”

“you’re really gonna say “thats crazy” instead of denying it?”

you scoff incredulously, “no, i’m not cheating on you.”

“i- i don’t know if i can believe you anymore.”

“then why would you even ask if you’re so certain?”

he goes silent. a tear leaves his eye, his entire façade cracking. your heart felt like it was going to explode… not in the good way.

“i… i wanted to trust you. i wanted to believe you- but you… i don’t know anymore.”

“fine. text me when you realize you’re wrong. i’m sleeping over at harins.”

“who’s harin?”

“taehyuns fiancé.”

his heart stops.

“what? why didn’t you say he had one?”

“because, i thought you’d trust me to begin with.”

hyunjin’s eyes go wide, but before he can say anything, you turn around and leave. his heart feels like it’s been torn into a million pieces.

was it his fault then…? no… surely not…

life felt empty without you. hyunjin didn’t even have a life before he turned human, but it felt even worse without you. the person he’s been with since birth. the person he’s been through everything with, even if you weren’t aware of it.

his life was basically ruined without you. he doesn’t know when you’re coming back. it’s been two days already. the house is cleaned, he makes your favorite foods for dinner just hoping you’ll come back, but you don’t.

he spends his time painting, but he’s painted all he can. he has no reference photos of you anymore, he’s run out.

days pass… he’s forgetting the sound of your voice. he doesn’t want to. he sends you apologetic voicemails everyday praying you’ll send one back. you don’t.

taehyun has been calling him a lot too, assuring him that you just need time. he didn’t say it, but he knows you should’ve told hyunjin about his fiance first. maybe this could have all been avoided.

hyunjin can’t help but think it’s all his fault. he let his insecurities get in the way of rational thinking. of course you would never cheat! but… was the love you had even real?

it was all because of that stupid arrow, right? what if the spark you had was finally gone? he doesn’t want to think about it.

he quickly picks up another small painting, laying in bed and holding it in his hands. he doesn’t know if it’s right, or if it’s obsessive. all he knows is that he misses you. it’s been almost two weeks.

he’s been off at work, not as great as he used to be. he’s not the same without you, and it’s eating him alive.

“hey y/n… it’s been almost two weeks now. i miss you a lot. i’m sorry for not trusting you even though ive said it so many times, im just scared you’re going to fall out of love with me. maybe you already have… im sorry i have no way to get these feelings out other than to talk to a photo. i’m sorry i ever summoned that arrow, and im sorry i tore my wing. i wish i was good enough for you, i really do, and im sorry im not. i love you, and i miss you. please, come home soon. i just want to see you again. goodnight”

it’s become a regular routine after you didn’t answer his text or voicemails at night. he couldn’t call you, he couldn’t reach you in any way, but talking to you, or something that resembles you, helped him get those feelings out.

he drifts off to sleep almost and hour and a half later, he’s been having a lot of trouble with that lately.

you walk up to the house and unlock the door, trying to be as quiet as possible in case hyunjin was sleeping.

you almost cry at the sight of him again, various paintings piled up onto the dresser on your side of the bed. you take off your clothes and change into more comfortable ones, sliding into bed and being careful not to wake him up. you don’t succeed though.

hyunjin notices you in bed, but waits till you’re asleep to say anything. he knows you need rest, and you need a lot of time too.

you fall asleep not too long after, your breathing becoming even. should he really do this right now? it’s not like he had a choice, anyways.

he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest and burying his face in your shoulder. he whispers to you, afraid you’ll be mad again if he wakes you.

“hey y/n… i missed you a lot. im so sorry for pushing you away from me. i shouldn’t have done it, and ill take the blame for what happened. i know i should’ve trusted you, and im sorry i didnt. i also really regret summoning that arrow when we met. why did you have to stab yourself with it? you know you’d be much better off without me, right?”

you feel a teardrop fall onto your neck, but you don’t dare make a noise. you need to hear all of this and plan out your apology.

“i’m glad you’re back. i was scared i’d forget your voice. ive learned how to cook just for you, and i made your favorite foods in case you came home. i made so many paintings of you. i even… i even read that book. the one you read to me that night before you went to taehyuns house for the first time. i read over the paragraphs that you read to me, trying to hear your voice say the words again. it didn’t work.”

you turn around finally, almost sobbing when you see him again. his eyes go wide, scared that he’s hurting you even more, and he backs away. “no! hyune… don’t go. tell me how you feel, please.”

he hesitates for a moment, but when you hold his hand in yours it all comes crashing down.

“i love you so much y/n, but i can’t help but think you’d be better with someone else. im trying my hardest, but i always let insecurities get in the way of us. i should’ve trusted you. i don’t know why, but i just can’t see myself with you anymore because i know you don’t deserve it. you don’t deserve someone like me. you were forced to love me. you didn’t have a choice… but now you do. now you can get over me and fall in love with someone else, now that you know what it feels like. and… i can go back to being your cupid again. is that… okay with you?”

your heart stops. “what? no! no that’s not okay with me?! how could you even ask that hyune? i… i love you… i needed time to figure out how to apologize because… hyunjin- none of this is even your fault! it’s mine. i always went out with taehyun and never invited you, and i never even mentioned his fiancé! no wonder you got jealous… and even then i- i didn’t even give you any time. i always came home when you were asleep and that… that’s not okay. that’s on me. this is my fault hyune… please don’t blame yourself.”

“i’m sorry im asking you this again, and i really don’t want you to say anything to just sugarcoat it. promise you’ll be honest?”

“i promise. whats going on hyunjin?”

“do you really love me? it’s okay if you say no! i’ll understand, i promise… it’s just because of the arrow, right? i’m sorry i-“

you cut him off with a kiss, you couldn’t stand it anymore. teardrops dripped everywhere, collecting at the bottom of your chins as you began to sit up. “no… you’ve got it all wrong. i love you hyunjin. i promise”

more tears leave his eyes, small whimpers leaving his lips too. your heart cracked at every noise he made, but you hugged him tight while straddling him, splaying a hand across his cheek to soothe him.

“i’m so sorry hyunjin… this is all my fault, really. don’t blame yourself for anything. i’m sorry you had to deal with all these thoughts alone. i should’ve been there for you.”

“it’s okay… i just need you close now. can we talk tomorrow? please?”

you nod, kissing him again and laying down with him. you held him close to you, wrapping yourself around him to provide comfort. light sobs from him filled the room. you chose not to comment on it… it would only make you more upset.

you’ll make it up to him. you know you will.

“good morning, hyune”

his eyes flutter open, tears instantly run down his face as he looks at you, taking in your features in the light again.

“woah woah woah, what’s wrong?”

“nothing… i missed you”

your heart cracking more and more, this had to have been worse than the pain of rejection.

“i’m sorry. i should have come back earlier… i just wasn’t in the right mind.”

“it’s okay, love… just stay for now.”

you pull him closer to you, burying his face in your chest. “you know… my mom asked about you. i didn’t know how to tell her what i did, but it just all poured out. she told me to come here.”

“oh…”

“coming back into the house felt like a dream. i haven’t been here in so long, but i think what scared me was the paintings.”

“what… like my ‘shrine’?”

you giggle, “no hyune, not your little ‘shrine’, the ones outside. there were paintings in our house, and i had each stroke memorized by heart. our first picnic date, and the coffee date we had… i remember everything. but when i came home… they were all replaced with paintings of just me. i thought you left…”

you could feel your sleep shirt getting wetter and wetter from his tears, but you just pull him closer. “im sorry for hurting such a pure heart like yours, hyune. you didn’t deserve it.”

“i love you.”, he mumbles.

“hm?”

“i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too.”

he leans up to kiss your cheek. you know you have to make everything up to him, but for now you just wanted to enjoy this moment with him.

it’s been a couple days since then. you’re getting settled again with him, and it’s not going too terribly. he’s been opening up about his feelings more, and you’ve been listening to the voicemails he sent you while you were away.

you walk back into his art studio, rushing to him when you see his wings out. “hyune? what happened?”

he turns to you, “hm?”

he quickly traces your eyes, realizing that you’re looking at his wings, and he immediately hides them. “take them out again… please? i want to see…”

he sighs, taking them out again. “oh baby… how did this happen?”

“it got stuck in the middle of the door hinge. i tried to get it out but it tore.”

“oh… why didn’t you call me?”

he stays silent. you think back to the day you came home, and the glitter you found on the floor near the pantry.

“shit… it was- you did call me… but i was drunk, wasn’t i?”

“don’t feel bad about it please, it wasn’t your fault. you were just drunk”

you kneel down next to him, grabbing his legs and pulling so he’s staring at you. he drops his paintbrush onto the easel. “what are you doing?”

you quickly pull his shirt off, earning a questioning look from him. “y/n, is this really the time to be-“

you cut him off when you gently touch his wing over the tear, finally reaching up to kiss it. you kiss all over the edge, earning giggles from him. “stop! it tickles”

you look at him, hugging him at his waist again, then leaning over to kiss his chest. “my mom always used to kiss my scars. i’m sorry i can’t kiss the ones ive left on your heart.”

his eyes widen, tears flowing down his cheeks, and you bring your hand up to swipe them away.

“don’t cry baby… you don’t deserve it. i’m so sorry i hurt you.”

he kicks his chair to the side, kneeling so that he’s level with you. “thank you… but that’s not your job. you know that. you’ve apologized, i forgive you.”

tears leave your eyes again, he sounds so sincere, even though you’ve broken his heart already. “i love you… im so sorry.”

“i love you too. please don’t apologize.”

you pull him into another hug, still sniffling from your tears. “i’ll be better. i promise, hyune.”

“you’re okay… calm down, my love”

“wow… hes so beautiful…”

hyunjin cradles little minjoon in his arms, watching him thrash and blubber.

“thank you, hyunjin”, harin smiles at him. taehyun is right at his side, watching hyunjin play with minjoon.

your heart swells in your chest, he looks so cute with him, you can’t wait to have one of your own.

not long after, the two of you leave, walking into your home together and discussing your little trip. “thank you for letting me meet them… you didn’t have to.”

“of course i did! they’re my best friends now, it’s kind of required”

he giggles, picking you up and setting you down on the counter. “i really do love you, y/n.”

“i know… i love you too”

he lets his wings out, a purple glow filling the room. “baby?”

he picks you up, bringing you to the bedroom. “let’s have a baby.”

“what?!”

he sighs, “fuck… seeing minjoon…”

“oh my god… because of minjoon?!”

“please?”

you pull him closer, “fine… but you’re doing all the work this time.”

“i’ll do anything for you, darling”

“hyune!”

he rushes to the bathroom, a big smile on his face. “yes?”

“i’m pregnant!”

he picks you up, spinning you around and kissing your face repeatedly.

“really? are you sure?”

“im sure! i took three to check!”

“agghhhh! i love you so much!”

“i love you too, hyune.”

he looks at you again, a lovesick look in his eyes, and he promptly sinks to his knees. he pulls your shirt up, kissing over your tummy and hugging you close.

“can’t wait to see you all swollen with my baby…”

“god hyune, you’re so whipped”

“i know i am, but only for you, dear”

you pull him back up from the ground, bringing him to the bedroom and laying down with him. “you’re so cheesy.”

“and you love me”

“so much, hyune. you don’t even know.”

“you’re the light of my life.”

you nuzzle back into his shoulder, smiling until you feel a teardrop hit your cheek. you look up at him, slightly confused.

“you’re so pretty my love…”

“why are you crying?”, you giggle. “i can’t believe you’re really mine…” you hug him tight, kissing his shoulder.

“always yours. only yours.”

#atinyniki #skz hyunjin #skz x reader #skz x y/n #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin x y/n #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin straykids #hyunjin stray kids #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fluff #skz angst #skz imagines

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towriteloveontheirarms · 1 year

Note

heyyy, if you take requests pleaseeee write a Aemond×reader fic, but reader is the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra, she is a young woman with Rhaenyras beauty and Daemons behaviour, she was an ally to Aemond when they were children unlike her half-brothers, but after the night he lost his eye they got seprate thanks to going and living with her family in the dragon stone ( i dunno if i am writing this right english ain't my first language) and after some years, they meet each again and the point is she haven't been sending any letters to him and stuff. i know it's long but i would appreciate you writing anything like this😭❤ and pleaseee if you do accept, make it dark Aemond.

I´m so sorry it took me so long to finish this bestie, but I hope you are still interested in it and will like what I wrote<3 Especially with it being spooky season I love writing/reading all the dark fics I can get my hands on!

I will not let you go again

pairing: Dark!Aemond Targaryen x Daemyra´s daugther!Reader

synopsis: “I love you, my sweet wife.” He murmurs into your ear afterwards.

There once was a time where these words would have made you happy beyond believe, but that was a long time ago. And he wasn´t the only person that had changed for the worse.

warnings: dark themes, mentions of non-consensual sexual acts, forced pregnancy, forced marriage, afab reader

word count: 0.9k

His one seeing eye burns through you during the entire dinner. The truth is you have felt his eyes on you from the second you had arrived at the Red Keep with your family. And while at first it was trying to find out who you were and where he knew you from, now at dinner, it glowed hot with either anger or something more carnal, you aren´t entirely sure. As if the tensions between your families hadn´t been high enough already. Every time of the little times your mother and father take you and your half-siblings back to the capital you are reminded once more as to why your mother had took you away to Dragonstone all those years ago. The sparks of dislike that flew between your half brothers and your uncle flew were enough to set all of King´s Landing on fire, but the hate between your mother and her former best friend had the potential to destroy all of Westeros. It comes as no wonder when the meal escalates in a borderline brawl. Jacaerys has always been bad at controlling his temper and your once beloved uncle Aemond gladly took advantage of that. You would like to say you were not surprised by who the once sensitive, bullied boy turned into, but it didn´t come as much of a shock. Before you had been taken away from your former home you had considered your uncle a friend. That was off the table now. Yet even as you saw this change in him, saw the strength and cold in his singular seeing eye, you would have never trusted him to go this far.

You walk to your chambers after your mother had told you so, in a slow pace. Careful eyes and ears paying attention to the hallways around you. However Aemond still manages to surprise you. His large, rough hand clamps over your mouth to silence you, the other holding you against his body so you don´t even have a chance to struggle against him. Once he has you in his chambers and you are able to whip your head around you truly see him for the first time. Not only has he grown from the sensitive, bullied boy, not only did he have a cold, strong aura surround him, he seemed downright obsessive. In that moment you can see it in his eye… your doom. He walks towards you without saying a word. His movements similar to that of a lion. Then Aemond finally speaks.

“I believed us to be friends. I considered you the only person able to understand me…” He whispers.

“We were, uncle. I was, I do. We could be again.” You take a step back for every step he takes towards you.

“Yes? And how do you propose we are going to do that?” he growls. “You could not even send me a single letter.”

“I tried to. You have to believe me, dear uncle, but my mother wouldn´t let me…” A gasp escapes your lungs when you feel your back hits the cold brick wall.

“I do not believe you. There have been many chances, but it is all alright now. I will not let you go again, now that I have you. You will be mine. Forever.” Aemond´s breath is hot on your ear. As if it wants to burn you.

“I do not understand…” You shake your head at what he is saying.

“Do not worry, sweet niece. You will soon enough.” He cups your cheeks in his hands and kisses you passionately.

The rough kiss is just the beginning of a night that would haunt you in your sleep for the unforeseeable future. Aemond carries you to the bed and makes sure to breed you thoroughly. Making sure that his seed would take, while making sure you don´t get away from him. And he needs to, because you refuse to give up the fight. He knows that if you end up with child your mother would most likely try to make you wed the child´s father and as much as his mother hates yours, how high are the chances she refuses when he shows himself to be willing to. He knows that you know.

And what feels even worse is, that the seven or fate or whatever the one responsible is called, seem to be on his side.

Without any access to moon tea and a guarantee that no one would learn of what had occurred that cursed night, your pregnancy starts to show a few moons later. Your parents are beside themselves and immediately ship you back to the capital. Signaling the start of a long and rather tedious discussion between your families. At the end of which waits a sept and a marriage bond that is about as wanted as the whole pregnancy. Yet you are in no place to speak up. You don´t get the chance to. You should have made better choices if you did not want this, are your mothers only words on the matter towards you. All the while there is the smuggest of smiles securely on Aemond´s as well as Aegon´s faces. You wished you could wipe it off their faces with your fists.

But you don´t do that. You swallow every bad feeling, aside of a few tears during your vows, until you feel entirely empty and cold.

Once you are pronounced man and wife Aemond kisses you so gently, it´s almost impossible to feel his lips on yours and yet it still makes you feel sick.

“I love you, my sweet wife.” He murmurs into your ear afterwards.

There once was a time where these words would have made you happy beyond believe, but that was a long time ago. And he wasn´t the only person that had changed for the worse.

“I love you as well, my dragon.” You reply. The words devoid of any emotion.

#prince aemond #prince aemond targaryen #prince aemond targaryen x reader #aemond one eye #aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x you #dark!aemond targaryen x reader #dark!aemond x reader #house of the dragon #hotd #hotd fic #hotd x reader #house of the dragon fic

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thatone-brightstar · 11 months

Text

More than all the stars (Carmy Berzatto x Fem!Reader) (The Bear & The Fox Series)

Chapter 2: Heavy is the head 'n all that

Words: 4.9k

summary: Carmy gets a visit from an old friend/ you offer Richie a fresh new start.

a/n: Hiii, i know i took my sweet time to update this but i did have some fun stuff to write for kinktober (link here! if you haven't read that) and it truly helped to regain my creativity to continue this bad boy so here ya go!

remember reblogs and comments are the way to show appreciation for your favorite creators and lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist!

Warnings: Minors DNI, p in v unprotected, in the shower, fluff and smut, oral sex (male receiving), cock warming if you squint

Chapter 1.

Carmy’s hand holds a gentle yet firm grip on yours as you scout the various colorful stands selling all sorts of produce along the busy street. Despite the restaurant being closed for a few weeks now, the routine seemed hard to break and you had both woken up early enough to catch the market. Between coffee scented clouds and the murmur of conversation, you stroll alongside Carmen, stopping at every few booths to check out the products and take the vendors information for future deliveries. Though not buying as much as you usually would for The Beef, it felt nice to buy your groceries directly from the source.

“So what did Marge say about Ava’s classes?” He asks in your direction, distracted by the crate of shiny tomatoes occupying the sidewalk.

“Oh, I think her words were ‘anything for your little niece, my sweet’.” You answer back in a terrible imitation of an english accent.

“Your little niece, huh?” He adds with a smirk, taking a sip from the tea filled travel cup in his other hand.

“Alright, chill-” You reply with a similar smile. “It’s for Ava.”

You stop and let go of his hand to pick out a box of cherries and pull cash from your bag to pay. Carmy notices the bag starting to fill up and takes the handles off your shoulder, swinging it over his own and threading his fingers through yours once again. He pulls up your hand to place a warm peck on it, raising a red on your face that almost matched the cherries.

From your point of view, the morning sun casts a brilliant glow over the baseball hat hiding his untamed hair. Little specks of gold dance along his barely untrimmed jaw and another blush sparks over your features as the image of you kissing his stubble pops into your head.

“D’you think it’d be weird if I gave Richie my mom’s number?” You voice your thoughts suddenly.

He turns to you with a puzzled expression. “And the thought came to you because…?”

You shrug and redirect your attention back to the rows of polished apples beside you. “Dunno. I just- I don’t think she’s ever gone out with anyone since well… y’know.”

Carmy nods his head slowly in a way that shows he understands and doesn’t pressure you to over explain. “And you wanna start with Richie?” He jokes instead.

“C’mon he’s not a bad guy. And he’s not bad lookin’ either… he just needs a push.”

A low mumble from his direction makes you turn your head and you almost don’t hear him whisper against the lid of his cup. “If you like stupid Richie so much, why don’t you fuckin’ marry ‘em…”

You laugh at his words, joyful and warm, and shove him softly with your elbow. “I meant, that it’d be nice to see them happy...” Your eyes wander up to him again, only to find his already darting over your face, a sweet smile set in place. “To have something like this. Don’t you think?”

Carmy lets go of your hand to throw his arm over your shoulder and pull you in even closer while another giggle blooms over your chest.

“I think that’s a great idea.” He whispers near your ear. “Your mother’s definitely the push Richie could use.”

Once your bag is too full to keep cramming stuff in and you’ve swept the streets multiple times, you finally make your way out. There’s a tiny old lady in a small booth by the edge selling colorful bouquets that you almost don’t notice. But he does and stops beside it, quickly handing her the money with a shy smile and picking out the one with the most Carnations on it.

“Here.” He says and leans down to peck your cheek.

You flush and whisper a sweet ‘thank you’, cradling the delicate buds between your free hand and your chest. Even in the cold breeze surrounding you, the heat radiating off you is enough to keep you warm all the way home.

**********

He had not known a second of peace after dropping you off at the gallery that morning. Between deep cleaning and crunching numbers with Nat, Carmy’s head felt like it was splitting in two.

“Jesus fuck…” He mumbles, pinching tightly between his brows in hopes that it dissipates the incoming migraine. “I swear we can’t catch a fuckin’ break.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make my day either-“ She answers back sarcastically. “We’re gonna need someone to come get it tested-“

“Tested for what?” Richie interrupts, hand pointing to the same spot on the wall where the siblings are staring.

“For fucking rabies- mold Richard, what do you think-“

“-You’re makin a storm out of nothin’ Nat-“

“It’s not nothing, it’s mold-”

“Mold is just a trigger word, okay-“

“Shut the fuck up and let me think.” Carmy speaks louder than intended, the sound vibrating in his skull and making him wince.

He takes a deep breath then rises his head up again.

“Yeah- yeah I think we’re gonna need to call someone for that. Check how much it’s gonna be?” He asks his sister, who only rolls her eyes and nods, turning away.

“Cousin c’mon, I can totally fix that shit-“

“Cousin-“

“-I just need some sealant and-“

“Cousin-“

“-good as fuckin’ new-“

“Richie!” He shouts and shuts his eyes at the shutter in his head. “Just… let an expert do it, alright?”

He watches as his cousin opens his mouth to respond, then instead closes it and raises his hands in surrender, muttering a soft ‘alright, fine.’

“Oh, that reminds me, I gotta go pick up Ava and drop her at your girl’s class. Need anythin’ while I’m gone?”

Carmy shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose once again, a habit often repeated and confirmed by the tender ache on his nose bridge. “No, we’re good. Still can’t do much without the fuckin’ permits.” He mutters back.

“ Did Jimmy get back to you on that?”

“Not since you asked this morning…” His voice sounds irritated, but it has more to do with the pulsing in his head.

Richie only nods and despite wanting to, doesn’t keep pushing it. He instead only throws a ‘call me if you need anythin’ and quickly exits through the patched up front door, washing Carmy in yellow afternoon rays before it quickly closes and he's back to the fluorescent blue.

With the silence of the empty restaurant, he allows himself a second to breathe, even falling heavily on one of the few dust covered stools that haven’t been taken down to storage yet. Carmy pulls a cigarette from the fresh package in his back pocket and lights it, taking a deep drag that instantly numbs out the start of a headache. While he takes another deep drag, he pulls out his phone where your text sits under a reminder to ‘call the fucking fridge guy, carmy <3’ from his sister.

There’s another rattle from the door and he rolls his eyes, typical of his cousin to forget something when he was probably too far away to come back, so he doesn’t even bother to turn around. Instead he presses the call button and waits, leg shaking impatiently over the footrest and camouflaging the steps moving closer to him.

“Hey…” He hears once the call sends him to voicemail and the delicate tube in his hand almost breaks at the filter. The familiar voice crashes over his back and drowns him instantly in freezing water. “...I’m looking for a Ms. Carmen Berzatto?”

**********

For the first time in weeks, the gallery finally seemed to fall into its usual serene pace. Winter vacation was over and your classes had begun filling up again- with children retelling the tales of the places they visited while out of the city. Marjorie had informed you that morning that word of mouth had followed its course since the charity event and six more kids would be joining you in a few days, and now you had more easels to put together before the weekend.

The small plastic screw falls off your hand for the second time and you groan up to the ceiling before picking it up. The easels came with too many small pieces to count and the fact that you still had four more to finish in the back, did not help with the overall mood. As you place the screw back into the little hole and press the screwdriver against the head, it pops to the side and goes bouncing off out of your view.

While you crouch down and pull your hair back to try and see if it’s anywhere close, the entrance bell signals a new arrival, and the excited steps that follow have you straightening back up. ‘Is it five o'clock already?’ you think and instinctively run your hands down the paint hardened apron, as if that’ll make it seem more presentable. A relaxed breath calms you down at the familiar sound of Richie’s voice calling you from the front.

“Back here!” You call out and begin to group up all the scattered screws you can find for a day where each piece won’t make you want to cry.

“There’s our Michelangelo!” He belts out as soon as he spots you, extending one long arm to his side, while the other is taken hostage by a small little thing cradling a Bluey backpack.

Once he’s close enough, the extended arm hooks over your shoulders and pulls you to his chest, placing a chaste kiss over your hair. ‘okay-’ is all you can say and push him away lightly once he’s already letting you go.

“Again- thank you for this-” Richie groans slightly while carefully placing Ava on the floor in front of him, his hands on her shoulders swallowing up her small frame. “She promised to be on her bestest behavior, right Ava?” She nods shyly.

It’s a side of him you’ve never seen before. He’s being tender and kind, and has spoken more than five words without wedging a single ‘fuck’ into the sentence. You can say you’re impressed, though the feeling soon turns sour- like the many times you’ve been a spectator to a loving father/ daughter duo. Richie’s rubbing his thumb softly over her cherry cheeks and even though it’s a simple action that shouldn’t arise anything, the uncomfortable knot in your throat still takes its place.

From his kneeled position, he can see the various pieces of chunky plastic laying astray and he signals with his head in its direction.

“New exhibition or somethin’?”

You clear your throat quickly and wipe the beginning of your sweaty palms on the back of your shirt, embarrassed that you may have been caught staring.

“Uh, no actually. Just some fuc-un-” You correct yourself instantly when your eyes flicker to the small child. “-some fun easels I have to assemble for the new kids.”

“Let me help you-” He’s quick on his feet, already picking up the screwdriver before you get a chance to decline.

“No, leave it- it’s fine. I’ll try again tomorrow… plus, don’t you have to head back to The Beef?”

He only shrugs and takes off his jacket, then begins to count the number of holes on the plastic and pulls out the same number of screws.

“Can’t do much without permits. And you look like you could use the help.”

You crack your locked knuckles as you watch him work, still considering rejecting the offer. But he joins together more pieces in those ten minutes than you have in half an hour, and who are you to reject a man searching for purpose? Instead, you take Ava’s bag from her and lead her to one of the newer stations before the rest of the kids arrive.

“Thank you.” You offer with a small smile in his direction, right before the bell rings again and more hurried footsteps echo in your direction.

“If you’re still feeling charitable, there’s four more in the back-” You add in a hurry and shrug apologetically at the stunned look over his face. “You offered to help…”

Richie ended up staying through the whole lesson. Wandering every few minutes behind his daughter’s station, arms folded with the screwdriver still in hand and contemplating the canvas like the world’s most respected critic. It took him the whole hour and a half to finish assembling all the easels and only had plastic wrap to pick up by the time the last kid left.

Ava sat happy in your rolling chair, sugar-free cookie crumbs sprinkled around her face and paint stained fingers.

“Isn’t that shit toxic?” Richie asks through a concerned face as he bent down to pick up the last of the trash.

You also turn in her direction and shrug, cleaning your own hands with a rag. “Not really, we buy non-toxic for finger painting. It was easier than asking them to stop licking it off…” He only nods at your response- but not fully convinced- sends Ava to wash her hands a second time.

“Thanks again for the help.” You call out with a nod in his direction, then bite your lip.

You don’t know what to say or how to bring it up, only left staring at him as your mouth opens and closes, popping the bubble wrap in your hands. “Hey, Richie?”

He turns, brows raised. ‘There’s no turning back now’.

“Have you tried uh… y’know, dating after Ava’s mom?”

“Listen kid, you know I love ya, but Carmy’s family and-” You roll your eyes and throw the trash in his direction, barely missing his head.

“Not like that, dumbass!” You scold with an amused smile. “I just thought- god this is so fuckin’ weird- here.”

Richie’s expression is puzzled, eyes darting between the contents of your outstretched hand and your own flushed face. He reaches towards it and when he finally takes it, your hand retrieves back to your body and crosses over your chest.

“And this is…?”

“It’s my mother’s number… I know you kinda got a thing for her.” You wave your hand in the air when it looks like he’s about to contradict your statement. “C’mon dude, I have eyes, ‘kay? ’m not blind. A bit grossed out, but not blind.” You admit the last part only to yourself.

The silence breaks with the sound of soft steps on the stairs and an enthusiastic rendition of ‘shake it off’. Richie folds the small paper and buries it securely in his jacket pocket, clearing his throat in the process.

“She likes white wine but not the sweet kind, salsa- both food and the dance- and don’t even mention Celia Cruz or she’ll never shut up about her.” You rush through as the little steps move closer to the back.

“Thanks.” He mumbles back, then a slight grin forms over his face. “So does that make me your dad now?” He teases and you groan, rolling your eyes for the third time in less than two hours.

“Don’t make me regret it- and don’t make it weirder, okay?!”

Your phone rings from inside the apron before he has a chance to bicker back and a smile grows on your face at the caller ID.

“Hey Carm, ready for later?” You turn away from Richie, who cleans the crumbs off Ava’s face before swinging her bag over his shoulder and waving goodbye.

There’s a few silent seconds on the other line, then a heavy sigh travels through the phone and perches over your chest. “Uh, yeah about that…”

“Oh no…” You interrupt before he even has the chance to explain.

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry-” He begins and you can hear the shuffling on the other side. You can almost picture him running his hand through his already messy hair and staring up at the ceiling as if he’ll find all of life’s answers there. “I’ll explain at home but right now I gotta stay later.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just reschedule and see if they can show us the place another day.” Your voice sounds reassuring, though all that’s running through your head is the lightweight promise he made a few days back.

“Yes-okay, great.” Carmy answers rushed, not catching the slight disappointment in your tone. “This is turning out way more difficult than I thought.” He mumbles against the mic.

“Well, y'know ‘heavy is the head’ ‘n all that.” Your smile grows nervous as you try lightening the mood but only a distracted half sigh, half laugh follows a second later.

He clears his throat and rushes through his words again. “Listen, don’t make dinner. I’ll buy us somethin’ on the way home, okay?”

“Yeah, sure… see you at home.”

**********

The train ride home bombards your thoughts with a little guilt. You couldn’t help the slight disappointment ringing in your ears from the failed promise. Then you remember how hard he’s been working lately- or since you’ve known him really- and you feel foolish for letting such a small thing get to you.

So once you arrive home, instead of dinner, you round up the few candles you brought with you and place them strategically around the small bathroom. Then you do your best to scrub the paint out from under your fingernails and strip into nothing but the soft fluffy blue robe he gave you on Christmas. Once you see the short ‘omw’ text, you begin to light the candles, praying they won’t burn the place down, and entertain yourself by arranging the Carnations from that morning in a little vase you made at the gallery. ‘I should give it a friend’

The muffled jingle of keys cuts your train of thought short, followed by his footsteps and a heavy sigh once he shuts the door and takes his coat off.

“Babe?”

“In the kitchen!” You call back and bite your lip in anticipation, quickly rearranging the robe so your collarbone is a little more exposed.

“What? No- I brought dinner…” His tone dies down once he spots you around the corner, take out bag weighing down from his outstretched arm.

“‘M not making dinner.” You answer with a soft smile and keep your attention on the flowers sitting beside you on the counter.

His gaze shamelessly runs along your bare legs, crossed in a way that exposes all the way up to your upper thigh but no more than that. You take your time to finish trimming the rest of the stems, then push the vase to the side and swing your legs to hop off the counter. The movement seems absolutely graceful to him and he can’t do anything but lean against the wall to regain his balance as you move closer to him.

You hold on to the sides of his torso and stand up on your toes to kiss his lips sweetly. You wanted it to be a quick teasing kiss, but his hand wraps around your back immediately and presses your chests together. He sighs against your mouth, the ‘thump’ of the bag hitting the floor vibrates in the room and soon both his arms circle you close.

Your hands cling to his broad shoulders and your toes drag along the floor as he lifts you lightly and moves deeper into the room. The simple movement makes your head swoon with love.

“...missed you.” He mumbles between kisses down your cheek and buries his face in the crook of your neck, sighing again.

“Hard day?”

He only nods, too occupied with the kisses he leaves on your exposed skin. You place another on his hair and peel yourself away slowly, hands still tight over his.

“C’mon.” You whisper and nod deeper into the apartment.

His brow creases with questions he doesn’t ask, instead following behind you silently into the room. The usual white tiles glow yellow with the tiny dancing flames, Carmy’s eyes instantly catch on to the flickering shadows and take his breath away. When you turn to him, his eyes are wide and soft, with the small specks of the candle wicks glistening inside them. Your hand lets go of his to run a tender finger over a smudge on his cheek, while the other begins to undo the knot on your robe.

He’s motionless. The only sign of movements come from the slight bob of his Adam’s apple and the way his eyes constantly drag down to your chest before he pulls them back up.

“I wanna help you relax…” Your voice is sweet, barely above a whisper and drowned out by the sound of the soft fabric cascading down your body and pooling around your feet. “Can I?”

All he can do is nod, transfixed by the way your tan skin glows almost golden in the flickering lights. He lets you pull the white shirt over his head, then while he finishes undressing, you turn the water on and watch as the steam starts invading the empty space. Carmy’s hands caress the sides of your hips and little kisses spark the goosebumps on your shoulder, but once you’re both fully inside, you wiggle away from his touch and turn to face him again.

“I’m taking care of you.” You repeat, and grab his biceps to push him deeper into the streaming water.

You let it fall over his head until the locks grow a shade darker and most of them lose their bounce, then you turn the water down and reach for your scented shampoo.

“Turn ‘around for me?.” You request while you lather the soap on your hands.

Carmy rolls his eyes and gives you a toothy grin, but obliges anyway. You can see his shoulders instantly relax as your fingers tread through the curls, nails raking gently over his scalp in a rhythmic motion that has his neck losing a hold of his head and tipping it towards the cold tile. A smug smile covers your face, wet strands of hair decorating your cheeks, and you even make an effort to continue the gentle movements even after the bubbles have disappeared.

Instead of washing it away, you bring the massage down to his neck, thumbs pressing insistently over the numerous knots you find on your way down. He’s no different than the clay you’ve been experimenting with at work, you offer him as much tenderness and dedication as you would any other work of art.

The soft sounds of his breathing mix with the thin stream of water rushing over your bodies. You didn’t even notice how close you’ve moved to him until your breath bounces back to your cheeks. You take the chance to place little wet kisses along his spine as your fingers dig into the muscles of his back and the shudder he breathes out makes the taste of shampoo on your lips completely worth it. You press them to his warm skin again and again as your hands work down his spine and to the pretty dimples decorating the bottom of it.

By the time your movements have ceased, both of your breathing is struggling with need.

You use the last bit of control in your voice to call his name. “Carmy…” It’s almost silent, but the plea in your tone is enough to make him turn to you.

The sight of his blown out pupils and the way his hair darkens his face is enough to make you come on the spot. Without hesitation, you gently drape your arms over his puffing chest, raking your nails over it as you pepper kisses in a messy line down. Your knees fall over the tile with a soft slap that resonates in the quiet room.

“Fuck-” Carmen blows out, eyes fixated on how fucking good you look on your knees for him.

Your need is too strong to tease him, instead you take his already hard cock in your hand and start giving it a few soft pumps without losing his stare.

“Will you let me take care of you?” You ask again in a sultry voice. The water droplets have accumulated over your lashes and your wet hair cascades over your shoulders, making you look ethereal in Carmy’s eyes and all he can do is nod and sigh when you kiss the tip.

His hand flies up to grip the slick tiles when you finally wrap your lips around his girth and take him fully into your mouth. The rhythm is slow and torturous as you pull moan after groan from the depths of his chest, until he grows too impatient and his hips begin to buck forward into your mouth.

“That’s it baby, that’s it… oh fuck.” Carmy whispers words of encouragement that travel straight to your aching pussy. He groans into the side of his extended arm, but only for a short second, because he can’t dare to take his eyes off you any longer than that.

Each sound he makes pushes your movements faster and each slurp and drag of your tongue makes him groan even deeper, it’s a vicious cycle of obscene sounds that neither of you want to break. Through hooded eyes, he spots your other hand dragging into the inside of your parted thighs and he thinks he might come just from that alone.

With a few more bobs of your head, you pull him out with a soft ‘pop’ and he takes the chance to catch his breath, before leaning down, hooking his hands under your arms and pulling you up to him in one swift motion.

In a second, your feet are up and off the floor and the cold contrast of the tiles on your hot back brings chills over your excited skin. He latches onto your lips in seconds, one hand cradling your cheek while the other wraps tightly around your waist. Your legs circle his hips with strength as he rubs his stiff erection between your thighs.

“You like sucking my cock, huh?” He whispers in a shaky breath while his hips grind incessantly over your slick cunt. “Look how fuckin’ wet you got. You gonna let me take care of you now, baby?”

He pulls his hand from your face and readjusts his arms around your thighs so he has a better grip on you, but doesn’t slip in yet. Instead he drags the length along your folds and watches you whine and squirm with want between his arms.

“Yes, Bear, take care of me please. I need you.” His cock jolts at your words and the neediness behind them is enough teasing for him.

He slips right in, like coming home, and wastes no time in pulling back out to set a rapid pattern that has your breasts bouncing in his face. Carmy buries his mouth by your neck, dragging his teeth down to your chest and back up, leaving crescent shaped bruises that you’ll probably have to cover with makeup tomorrow. Right now though, he doesn’t care, he’s proud of them and how they represent that you’re truly and wholeheartedly his.

“You’re fuck-ing me so good.” A string of mewls falls from your lips at the mixture of sensations and your nails dig firmly into his shoulders to help ground you back.

But Carmy’s hips snap up continuously to a spot he’s learnt you like, making your head fall heavy over his shoulders. You’re gasping for air with each stroke and drag of his cock, unable to regain strength in your neck to look up at his eyes.

“Yeah?” He whispers near your ear, erupting shivers along the skin his breath caresses as he continues railing into you. “And you’re takin’ me like such a good girl.” His movements are too fast for you to keep up with your hips, so all you do is take it, and happily so.

“C’mon baby, come f’me yeah?”

You’re too high to listen to his words, but your body reacts on command as the tension in your navel snaps and a guttural moan rips your throat open. Carmy follows close behind you, groaning into the side of your neck and pressing you impossible closer to his heaving chest.

As the bliss dissipates into tiny waves, you reach up to his clean locks. He answers back with another soft kiss.

“Can we stay like this?” He asks timidly into your skin.

You smile at the sudden softness and reach down to fully turn the water off. “Don’t you wanna finish showering first? or… pull out?”

Carmy answers with a soft ‘no.’. You expect him to let you down so you can both dry yourselves at least, but he doesn’t. Instead, he presses you securely to his chest again and makes his way out of the shower.

You squeal and press your thighs hard around his own when he leans down to blow out the candles, one by one, in fear that he may drop you. A relaxed laugh vibrates in his chest and joins your nervous giggle as he manages the task flawlessly.

“See, I got you.” He says with a proud smile- one that crinkles the sides of his eyes and makes him look boyish and carefree- as he carries you to the warm bed.

‘I know you do' You think to yourself all night, wrapped in the safety of his arms.

Taglist: @pearlstiare @teteminne , @beebslebobs, @harrysmatcha , @yum-yahgurt , @pussy-f41ry , @kirakombat , @redsakura101 , @hobisunshine13 , @feyhunter78 and that's it lmao

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milkytheholy1 · 9 months

Text

It's my favourite colour

Request: I don’t really know if your ask box isnopen so I really hope it is.

could I maybe ask for a rise Donnie x reader (female is preferable but Gender neutral is alright with me) where the reader’s favorite color is purple and she always wears it. Then one day she’s sitting in the lab with Donnie when he can’t stop staring and eventually the reader makes a joke like: “what? You wanna kiss me or smth?” And he just takes it seriously and nods.

I dunno. Brain doing brain things.

----------------------------------------------------------

The lair was oddly quiet to say it was so close to the weekend, while the two days off didn't really mean anything to the turtles, it meant a lot to you and April. Those two days would give you a break from school and work, allowing you to chill out at home and in the lair with the boys.

Speaking of which, you couldn't see any of the turtle brothers as you entered their underground home, which was weird, to say the least. Your black detective coat hung around your form, protecting your insides from the cold blizzards up above. The edges of the coat swayed romantically as you stalked around the lair; assuming the teens to be pulling another prank on you.

However, no prank came. They were simply nowhere in sight, not even Splinter or Draxum were around. But the tell-tale sound of machine parts roaring in the distance alerted you to where one turtle could be; your favourite turtle too. You skipped towards Donnie's lab, you had actually been meaning to talk to the turtle, you drastically needed someone to reread your English paper and Donnie was just the guy.

Walking into the wide metal doors, the smell of oil and burnt iron invaded your senses. Over in the corner of the room, with his shell facing towards you, was Donnie.

"Hey, D." you beamed, already giddy by his presence. You strolled up to his side, watching as he tinkered with parts you couldn't even name, "Greetings," was all he said. You looked around the expansive lab, searching for something specific in mind, "If you're looking for your chair, it's over by Shelldon." Donnie stated, not even looking away from his project.

You blushed, he knew you so well or were you just becoming predictable. Patting Shelldon's lifeless head, you picked the chair up, knowing better than to drag it across the floor. Once it was perched not too closely to Donnie's side, you shimmied off your coat and draped it across the back of your seat.

Donnie gave you a side eye, studying yet another purple outfit. Did you know how much you were killing him by wearing his colour? Did you even know what it was doing to him? You had been wearing purple all week, coming down in extremely fashionable outfits that all followed the central theme of purple.

It's like you were playing some game, a very sick and sadistic little game. But Donnie couldn't help to swoon over your accidental actions too, well he assumed they were accidental. He knew you shared a similar interest in the colour purple, but at the same time, he never knew one person besides himself could own this much purple fabric.

"What're you looking at?" you mumbled, dusting off some lingering fur that lined the inside of your coat. Donnie stuttered, flailing the small drill in his hands around, "N-nothing, absolutely nothing!" You quirked a brow at his behaviour, you know someone doesn't just stare at you if they didn't have anything to say.

"Oh, ok." Donnie relented, he placed down the drill, still trying to act aloof, "You- you look good in purple, I've seen you around the lair wearing that colour, my colour, all week." you remained quiet, unsure what this meant. Was Donnie trying to make a move on you or monopolise the colour purple?

"W- thank you, I think purple looks good on you too." you hummed, priding yourself on seeing his cheeks deepen in colour. It was like Donnie had been shot by Cupid's arrow, his eyelids had drooped, his smile had become wobbly and his sighs became louder. He was totally, utterly, stupidly in love with you.

"What?" you threw out a nervous giggle, your own cheeks turning rosy at the look he was giving you; full of care and warmth. You pulled at the sleeves of your shirt, fingers fumbling to distract the onslaught of nerves that took over your mind, "You wanna kiss me or something?" it was meant to be a joke, something to pull you away from the glistening pool in his eyes.

But when Donnie just nodded along, completely at ease with the reality of the situation, you felt your brain stutter. With wide eyes, you pointed a shaking finger at yourself, "Wait, really? With me?" you questioned. Donnie held back a laugh, but the notorious smirk he was known for graced his lips, "I believe I do, w-would you like to do...that with me?"

He wished he could have said something sweeter than that, but thoughts about feelings and actually feeling feelings weren't really his thing; not that he really tried to make it his thing either.

Fortunately, you recreated his previous actions and shook your head rapidly. Donnie's dopey grin grew larger in size, his cheeks stinging with just how much he was smiling. You both leant forward, perhaps too eager as you hit your foreheads together. But with the awkward laugh aside, you eventually melted into each other with ease.

"Hey, D, we're bac- WHOA!" Leon gasped, the pizza box in his hands dropped to the floor, "Oh ho hooo," he began laughing, not really caring that this was a very private moment for his brainiac twin brother. Donnie yelled at him, throwing random nuts and bolts until Leo fled the scene. Though he did poke his head back in to deliver one more line, "If you dress up in blue all week will you kiss me too?"

"LEO!"

#fandom #fan #fanfiction #fanfic #tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #donnie tmnt #tmnt donatello x reader #tmnt donnie x reader #tmnt donnie #tmnt donatello

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realbeijinger · 9 months

Text

Another semi-coherent rant on climate change, the value of idealism, and TGCF (I finally finished!)

Well, I finished Tian Guan Ci Fu. And, oh man, if you read my last post, you’ll know that I was terrified that the entire novel would be a criticism of blind idealism. But I am SO glad I was wrong!!! Looking back on what I wrote before… it’s kind of hilarious how worried I was. I was so sure that I knew where it was going, was so busy preparing myself to be offended/emotionally crushed, that I wouldn’t even entertain the idea that maybe MXTX had a similar worldview to me all along.

In my defense, aside from the line, “Something like saving the common people… although foolish, it is brave,” everything seemed to point toward the idea that trying to do good is pointless. I mean, up until the moment when Xie Lian was lying with a sword in his chest on the streets of Yong’an, all of his efforts to do good had essentially been in vain. He hadn’t been able to help anyone.

And then, when the one guy stopped and gave Xie Lian his hat, I dunno, I just cried. It was so perfect! Like, ugh, damn you, MXTX! So sneaky… destroying us, just to bring us back later!! It was such a small, insignificant win, but it was exactly what Xie Lian (and I) needed. I love the line, “Just one person was enough!” Just one person doing something selfless. It’s enough to give us hope.

It really resonates with me because I think a lot about how to maintain hope. In terms of the climate crisis, I feel like Xie Lian—completely powerless. I want to stop eating meat, use less plastic, spend more time on environmental activism, but honestly, what do any of these things matter? The meat industry is not going to change because I choose to stop consuming. Even my activism has a completely negligible effect—whether or not I join a protest or write a letter to my congressman will almost certainly not be the deciding factor for any climate legislation, no matter how much effort I put in.

And yet, I still want to. I love the moment when Xie Lian chooses to get stabbed over and over rather than create a second plague of Human Face Disease, and White No-Face asks him in shock, “Why??”—as in, why would you ever do that? And Xie Lian responds: “I don’t have a reason—just because I want to! Even if I explained it to you… Useless trash like you wouldn’t understand.” This line is so great. Xie Lian can’t explain it to White No-Face, because, in truth, it isn’t entirely logical. It can’t be explained by reason. I want to do my measly, unimportant part to help the world… because I want to. Because it feels right. Because it’s my way of keeping my heart, of maintaining faith that there is some good in this world worth upholding. (As an aside, I love how the English title of the live action drama—which we may never get to see, God damn censorship!!!!—is called “Eternal Faith.” Of course it refers to Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s faith in each other, but I think it also means having eternal faith in the value of doing good, despite centuries of experience that seem to show its pointlessness.)

As I talked about in my last post, if you zoom out far enough, nothing really seems to matter. Everything we love and care about will one day be gone. And yet, I believe we still have to act like it matters. This is the basic tenant of existentialism, and I think MXTX portrays this philosophical paradox really beautifully.

It’s funny, because I think MXTX has a lot of profound things to say, but in an interview I read, she warned against viewing her work too deeply, saying, “I am not a guru.” I get that she may not want the responsibility of giving people spiritual advice, but I do think she presents some really fascinating, really novel, philosophical ideas. So, sorry MXTX, but I’m about to analyze TGCF like it’s a piece of freakin scripture. Soo here we go…

The main theme she comes back to again and again is that fortune is limited, so the only way you can do good for others is by taking fortune from somebody else. Which leads the characters to a bunch of ethically impossible choices: the people of Yong’an and the people of Xianle can’t all be saved (Xie Lian must choose who to help), neither can the people of Wuyong and the surrounding kingdoms (Prince of Wuyong must choose), and Shi Wudu can’t save his brother from a tragic fate without taking fortune from an innocent person. When the characters try to avoid choosing, and try to “play God” by creating a “third path,” it just invites disaster.

But is this really true? Is fortune actually limited? It’s an idea that reminds me of Buddhism and Daoism, but also seems kind of revolutionary… (I like to think I know something about Chinese philosophy but it could certainly be a thing and I don’t know). I don’t believe in fate, but I do believe in limited resources, and the idea that nature tends toward balance. I think conceiving of it this way, as a pool of fortune, is really interesting.

It reminds me of this Meme:

In other words, who is the protagonist and who is the villain is entirely based on perspective. And, according to the laws of nature, we all must survive by eating others, or causing others to starve (i.e. avoiding being eaten).

I tried to think if this is really true in all areas of life. I’m a teacher, and one of the ways I convince myself that I am doing good in the world is by helping my students—preparing them well for college so that they can get into good schools and follow their dreams. But then, is this just taking fortune from others? If I do prepare my students well, and as a result they all get into top universities, does that mean they are taking spots away from other students? Am I simply just helping “my own,” at the expense of others?

One place where I see this concept play out very clearly is with our modern, industrialized society. As I mentioned in my last post, we live in a world of abundance. Most of us have enough food to eat, live in houses with electricity and running water, and don’t worry about a whole host of diseases endured by our ancestors. It seems we have done what Xie Lian couldn’t—we have expanded the well of fortune for most of humanity.

But this fortune wasn’t spontaneously created. It was taken from other species. It was borrowed against our own future, when climate change will likely destroy this world of abundance we have created, causing untold suffering. In truth, when it comes to prosperity, there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Even now, when we ought to be enjoying our fortune, most of us are not happy. We want other things. We take food, clothing, and shelter for granted, creating even bigger, more lofty demands—a bigger car, a better house, a machine that’s sole purpose is to make bread. In fact, it seems like whenever we make things “better,” the goalposts just move. I recently read a book called Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, which mentioned that with the advent of washing machines and vacuum cleaners, everyone assumed there would be more free time. Yet, the real outcome was that standards of cleanliness just changed. Suddenly, people expected you to wear fresh clothes every day and have a perfectly dust-free home, which meant spending just as much time cleaning as in the past.

And according to psychologists, getting what we want doesn’t really make us happier. Instead, something like getting a promotion causes our happiness to spike, before it quickly returns to baseline. The psychologist Dan Gilbert writes that the purpose of our emotions is to act like a compass—to tell us which direction to go in. If you feel good, you can continue the way you are going. If you feel bad, you should probably turn—make a change. But if you get what you want and become permanently happy, your compass is now broken. It’s stuck in one direction and becomes useless.

All of this is very Buddhist, of course. Suffering is not caused by our external circumstances, but our desire to change them.

Like I said, I don’t necessarily believe in “fate” or “fortune.” But I believe this all points to something deeper that MXTX is getting at: which is that we cannot fundamentally make a better world, for the common people, or for anyone. This idea of “better” doesn’t really exist. The world is as it is. Trying to alter that is like playing God. And like Xie Lian says, “In this world, there are no true gods…”

So, what do we do? How can we survive this absurdist tragedy of life? I don’t think we can just throw up our hands and not give a shit—that way lies depression and Jun Wu-style cruelty. We cannot lose our heart. But we also can’t try to fix everything.

One thing I find a bit difficult about MXTX is she is very clear about the impossible situations our characters find themselves in, but not really clear about the solution. She seems critical of the characters’ actions (I’m thinking also of Wei Wuxian here), but what exactly does she think they should have done? In other words, what is the point?

I spent a long time thinking about this. And I realized that Xie Lian was able to get back on his feet, find happiness and make peace with himself. How did he do this? Ultimately, I see Xie Lian’s solution as having three parts: self-sacrifice, gratitude, and purpose. Which all sounds very academic and maybe not that profound on an emotional level. But hear me out. Because, in the end, I think these choices are incredibly beautiful. They are the kind of thing that make me feel like reading TGCF was actually a spiritual experience, no matter what MXTX says. That makes me admire Xie Lian and want to follow him (like the God he is).

Okay so first: self-sacrifice. If fortune is limited, and the only way to make others’ lives better is to take fortune from someplace else, then there is really only one place you can take it from without hurting others—yourself.

So, part of Xie Lian’s solution is to take fortune from himself and give it to others. It’s why he asks for a cursed shackle that disperses his fortune, so that his fortune will naturally flow to those around him. It’s, of course, a very small thing. He is no longer playing God, or trying to “fix” the world on a grand scale. He is simply, in his own, quiet way, serving the common people.

My desire to give up meat and to spend more time on activism—these things feel like big sacrifices for me. And yet, they will have a very small impact on the greater situation in the world. They’re a drop in the ocean. I still want to do it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to care, or think that these things matter. Yet, this is the trade-off Xie Lian was willing to make. I really admire him for it.

I believe self-sacrifice is actually a really important, beautiful thing, that our society has forgotten the value of. We are individualistic—obsessed with our own wants. As I mentioned previously, our expectations have risen, so we buy and buy and buy. We are unwilling to rein in our consumption. I know a lot of people baulk at lifestyle changes as a solution to the climate crisis, and I agree that putting pressure on individuals instead of governments or corporations is misguided. But, first of all, there simply aren’t enough resources on earth to sustain our current levels of consumption. And, second… I don’t think we can completely let individuals off the hook. What is society anyway, but a collection of individuals? If we are going to address this thing, it’s going to take a massive movement—bigger than the civil rights movement or the works’ rights movement or the women’s movement. It’s going to take millions of people worldwide getting out of their own heads, their own lives, and concerning themselves with the greater good. That requires immense sacrifice.

Which takes me to gratitude. In order to be willing to sacrifice, you have to appreciate what you already have.

People often talk about gratitude these days as a path to mental health. Instinctively, it sounds like an uplifting, positive thing. And it is… but it also entails having a relatively negative worldview. It means remembering all the horrible things that exist in this world which we are lucky enough to avoid on a daily basis. You stepped in some dog shit? Well, that sucks, but you could have stepped into an open manhole and broken your neck! So! That’s something to be grateful for.

We are all so lucky. I’m sure everyone reading this has pains and traumas and challenges. This isn’t to diminish those, but, I hope, at least we all have at least one person to love. That’s all Hua Cheng had, and it’s what kept him going. Just one person was enough. And most of us, I hope, get to eat food every day, get to sleep in a bed, get to play video games or read novels or write poetry when we are sad. Not everyone gets those things.

Xie Lian, of course, was the king of low expectations, because he knew his future was going to be bad. He had intentionally accepted bad luck for a lifetime. So, there was no point in hoping for things to get better.

I think this attitude is best shown by his interaction with the Venerable of Empty words. The Venerable of Empty Words feeds off people’s fears. But Xie Lian didn’t really have any. When the Venerable of Empty Words warned him that his hut will collapse in two months, his response is, “Two months? If it’s still standing in seven days, then it’ll be a real miracle.” Because his expectations are so low, he’s essentially immune to fear. I can’t help but think that if you could really think this way, it would be a kind of superpower. It reminds me of the famous quote by spiritual teacher Krishnamurti, “Do you know what my secret is? You see, I don’t mind what happens.”

And so Xie Lian is okay with everything. He can sleep anywhere, crash boulders on his chest for money, not eat for three days, regularly suffer corpse poisoning, and still be okay.

Which leads to my third point: purpose. Xie Lian is able to endure such hardship because his expectations are low, but also he knows all his suffering has a purpose. “If I am to become a God of misfortune, then so be it,” he says. “As long as I know deep down that I am not.” He is okay with being laughed at or avoided for his bad luck, because deep down he knows he is doing the right thing. People can withstand a great deal if they feel their suffering has meaning. In Man’s Search for Meaning, the psychiatrist Victor Frankl’s writes about the horrors of living through a concentration camp, and how over and over, it was creating purpose that allowed him, and others, to find motivation to survive. Which I think has an important lesson for self-sacrifice. People are willing to sacrifice a lot, if they feel their sacrifice has purpose.

I get it when MXTX says that she is not a guru, and maybe it’s a lot to ask of a danmei novel to take spiritual advice from it. The book wasn’t necessarily perfect, and I do have some critiques (which I was gonna add here, but this thing is already wayyy too long). But… I do think I found something really meaningful in this story—some inspiration. I want to follow Xie Lian’s example, and live with gratitude and acceptance, while keeping my faith in doing the right thing. In other words, WWXLD! (What Would Xie Lian Do?)

#tgcf #mxtx #heaven official's blessing #tgcf meta #tian guan ci fu #climate change #xie lian #hualian #danmei #chinese bl

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thatdeadaquarius · 2 years

Note

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

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subarashiihibi · 8 months

Text

my thing about izaya is that he's so strange and weird and i love that so much. i didn't want to ramble too much in the notes of that poor person's post but i find the way he speaks and the words he chooses so interesting so let me ramble a little bit. this may or may not even be coherent so bear with me here im just going to speak my thoughts.

ok this got really fucking long and all over the 0place so im putting this under a read more sorry.

so i have volume 9 of the novel in both english and japanese. i only have two novels in japanese and that is this one and yuuyake wo. so i'm pretty crazy about this izaya speech analysis shit. anyways i was rereading thru the jp ver the other day just to compare it to the eng and i kinda realized that like.

a lot of people you can separate their speech in either formal and informal speech right? someone like shizuo speaks really informally and uses a lot of rough, dragged-out versions of words and stuff (しゃーねえ vs しょうがない) and then someone like shinra who speaks in a ton of yojijukugo and generally sounds like a nerd emoji gijinka.

izaya on the other hand rly... doesn't fit in either? i mean sure he sounds like another nerd emoji gijinka but it's kinda different. it's not so much the words he speaks but rather the intonation and his tone...

and he has his moments where he speaks pretty seriously and whatnot of course, but in general he just... doesn't sound very human when he speaks? i don't know if that's a conscious effort or not. is it his attempts at distancing himself from his own individual humanity? or is it just because he's a weird guy? i dunno. but it's interesting nonetheless.

one thing i will note though is that despite his somewhat inhuman speech patterns, it's also pretty...dramatic? to the extent where it's really exaggerated but also very cute and charming. (this part is important.)

i think a lot of what makes izaya's speech so weirdly inhuman is because he doesn't really use a lot of slang or similar lingo that people his age would typically use. i know mikado said in the novels that he doesn't really try to fit in with his age group's fashion sense either so it makes sense but still. he's like an old hag it's so funny. and it's because of that that when he says stuff like 'i don't get all hot and heavy over headless women' or whatever he said to celty it's really amusing to me because like... why is the strange man saying this?💀

another example i kinda giggled about on my twitter when i read it it's not even crazy and i sound corny and cheesy and stupid but theres this scene in vol 9 where izaya messages celty for business and hold on let me just put it as a quote.

he sounds so old saying 'video game' like 😭 idk it's just funny cause he barely even knows anything abt games like bro knows nothing im crying

in the jp hes like 「…ゲーム中なのかい？」 and then when celty tries to explain herself he says 「何を言ってるのか、良く解らないんだけど」 and im rly bad at tling parts of sentences and stuff but just know that the way he words it makes it sound like this gif to me

i love both versions i think the original jp makes him sound like hes so lost and confused (hence why pw gif cause lord that man always looks lost LMFAOOOO) and then eng tl just blunt ass "I don't know what you're talking about." makes him sound like full on hag 😭😭😭

OMFG WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THIS FUCKING SCENE WITH SHINRA ITS SO FUNNY.

first i think it's funny the translation has izaya say fuck here cause he very rarely swears and i did read this one thing about how he only swears when his mask slips so to me this is like genuine bewilderment that he cant even hide LOL. second why is he so excited to hear about 'whatever sexual fetish' shinra has im crying he's so damn nosy . okay but this is not the funniest part let me add that now.

???

ehy the hell is izaya orihara talking about foot fetishes???😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im crying bruh i was so flabbergasted when i read this i was like WHAT did he just say? he says it in the jp ver too which just makes it even funnier. this goes back to what i said earlier but i always get so amused when izaya has something to say about sex or whatever cause he's so fucking weird and unsettling why does he know that

(i mean i also get so hard i nearly pass out thinking about izaya tlaking about sex but thats probably just a thing with my heart condition and stuff)

oh also another scene i think is really cute and amusing and funny is back when shinra was first still trying to get izaya to form the bio club w him.

1. shinra is funny as fuck in this scene but also izaya's "Hmm. Can I punch you?" made me havbe a good laugh. in the jp he says 「んー。殴ってもいいのかな？」 which is pretty much the same thing just with the intonation of like 'hmmmmmmmmm should i hit u or not...' sorry like i said im just bad w explaining this stuff. but i felt the need to point it out not cause im one of those annoying ppl who praise the original jp ver and reject translations and localizations i just think it's important for izaya specifically cause i love him and i want to analyze his speech patterns as best as i can.

i was going thru the novel just now for other stuff i wanted to mention and i forgot abt this part but it's so funny.

'Let's not get hasty. Type calmly, please.' its not even funny or nothing i just find it so amusinf whenever he talks like that💀 i will say though the english translation kind of makes him sound more weird and inhuman than the original. that line in the original was basically just him telling her she needs to calm down enough to at least type properly LOL. idk if im just being nitpicky cause this is izaya tho so feel free to ignore that. fwiw i like the eng tl bc while it's a different intonation than the original japanese ver i think if he did speak english it would probably sound smth like that anyways.

this too made me laugh like ??? seriously he is really nosy when it comes to people's intimate affairs. in the jp ver he calls them an 'intimate couple' which just is like .. ok bro💀

does anyone else see my vision of izaya getting cucked by celty (does it count as cucking when celtys the one dating shinra) while he looks sad and pathetic and miserable that he never decided to shoot his shot w shinra back in the day

if i were commenting on the actual stuff going on in this scene rn this post would be a lot olonger and even more terribly all over the place so im just gonna focus on how i think it's funny izaya says 'easy, man...' this is like one of the only times his words are somewhat natural and sound like smth you would hear someone else say. in the jp ver it's 「おいおい…」 which is somewhat less out of left field in terms of coming from izaya but still it's pretty surprisingly normal. i have to wonder if in that moment he's too worried about shinra to care about keeping up appearances.

this is just random and me making fun of izaya as usual but why the hell does he weigh himself after his showers💀💀💀 it's cute and endearing and only adds to his strong gap moe but still... it's strange...

speaking of cute things this is from a volume i forget but he says this one phrase a couple of times and it is just both really cute and also kind of idk... saddening. one of the times i can remember he says it is when namie was making fun of him or something and he replies 'Don't tease me. I'm only human.' or something along those lines and it's like . hm. ok.

i think it's cute he says 'dont tease me' a few times cause eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (trying to ward off severe brain damaged incoherent thoughts) but 'im only human' is like... are you really? even after you try so hard to escape your own humanity and individual self so much... im going to try and give my thoughts on it here but this is just based off my hc that izaya has bpd so yanno. im basing a lot oif this on my own experiences sorry. i do that a lot. (gestures over to all the posts i make abt fob/mychem fan izaya)

when it comes to just straight up acknowledging his humanity izaya has no problems with this because 'sure, i'm human. isn't that obvious?' is probably something along the lines of what he thinks. it's easy for him to just say that because it's just that. it's just words. it holds no real meaning and shows no true insight into how he actually perceives himself. but when it comes to actually having to come face to face with his own humanity and the fact that yes, he is only human, it's a lot more difficult because now it's out of his control. i wonder also if he has problems with perceiving his own self.

i say this a lot but i truly do believe izaya is so so so beautiful and i love him so much. also i just saw a funny post on twitter so i wanna say this here idk if yall know this but izayas actually a latina hes got chismosavirus❤ ok thats all i have to say sorry for rambling so much

#my media literacy suddenly skyrockets when it comes to izaya #anything else im like zzzzzzzzzz as soon as its time to talik abt izaya im like I'M UP !!!! 💯💯💯💯#but ya this isnt meant to be like anything crazy or nothing i just felt like talking abt izaya and some stuff in particular i found amusing #sorry if i sound stupid in some spots im trying not to just add 20 skull emojis or crying emojis and make fun of him #it's either that or im trying not to sexualize him #it's a battle. it's prety hard.#theres a REALLY easy joke i could make there but im not going to . im gonna be mature .#ok sorry thats all i dont have enough energy to think anymroe #i started new meds today and my heartds feeling a little funny so imight die after posting this</3 #mine

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