#i feel like i've been doing nothing for the whole august so far

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[anime-grimmy-art]

It’s this time of the year again, folks. Time to wrap up the art Ive made in the last 12 months in another Year in Review! I’ve noticed that this is my fifth Year in Review in a row, so I’ll be making an extra post looking back on the progress in those last 5 years!

I've got a lot to say about this year, but purely art wise, I've gone all when it comes to comics, damn! I've kinda found a format that is messy, and therefore more time efficient, yet still looks good. I even made 2 animatics and lotsa shorts/reels! All that on top of opening coms twice, and, oh yeah, MAKING A WHOLE ASS 4MIN ANIMATION ON MY OWN.

How is my hand still alive.

2023 has been….interesting, to say the least. The first half year I was working on my thesis project, aka making an animated short all on my own (in the art department), which makes it honestly surprising how much I managed to churn out between animating. Trigun rly did have me in a choke hold.

Summer was a bit more spotty, esp. with me not being able to draw anything during August as I was writing my thesis (and doing commissions). And towards the end of the year, Kingdom Hearts tried to save me, but alas, Genshin Impact has finally sunk its teeth into me and dragged me to the bottom of the rabbit hole. It all started with me watching a story summary and lore videos while I was sick after my thesis and I was too intrigued to not dig deeper and well, first I fell in love with Kaeya and then the ships started dropping in left and right.

I’m not gonna lie, the last few months have been weird. I finished my masters in October, and have been on job hunt since, sadly without success so far. I’m existing in this weird limbo of still not grasping I’m not a student anymore after 18 years in education, not really being able to accept I’m an adult, yet desperately trying to find something so I can make a routine, cos rn Im too scared to build a rhythm as I know I’ll have a so much harder time readjusting again. It’s left me in a weird emotional state, where most of the time I feel fine, but when it counts, there’s just, nothing. No joy at getting my diploma, no anticipation to finally go to a convention again, neither any sadness hearing my grandfather died. It frustrates me that it extends to my art as well, there’s excitement over ideas and concepts, but no motivation to pick up the pencil, which makes me either not finish art at all or making so many shortcuts and just ending up with sth not satisfactory to me since it’s not the idea I sought after.

Tho, not everything is doom and gloom. I DID finish a whole ass short animation and got my masters degree, that IS sth to be proud of. Also, while Im struggling at drawing, I’ve also kinda started integrating my shortcuts into my style and some stuff I’ve thrown together actually turns out real good nowadays. Also, and this might be a bit of a weird one, I’m so fucking happy to know I can still enjoy gay ships. I’ve been a bit uncertain over the last few years because when I was around 16-18, I had a real big yaoi phase, which mostly came from the fact so much stuff came out that tickled my brain in the right way (Free, Haikyuu, etc.). But over the years, my enthusiasm died down, and I even started to resent some ships because it’s all some fandoms produced. I often found myself liking a hetero ship more than the popular gay ship, which really made me not wanna stick around because I did not care for most fanart and you can only go through a tag with art you don’t care about so long before you lose interest. I think in retrospect that it rly had nothing to do with the ships being gay ships but rather cos the fans just shoved it in your face when you didn’t care (and shipping culture nowadays also can get real scary). But I’m so happy to see I can still get obsessed with a ship and it’s all thanks to Haikaveh/Kavetham. It really just needed the right flavour for me to dig in again. And oh my god, I FINALLY like a ship with a SHIT TON of art and fanfictions, no more scrounging the crumbs from the bottom of the barrel. 

Anyways, enough lamenting. Here’s to hoping I can bite my tongue and get shit started properly in 2024, and that my brainrots may make me obsessed enough to churn out an obscene amount of fanart again.

[docholligay]

Choose Your Own Adventure: August

I basically had to just, cut this in half and call it a month. No voting this month, as your answers are still carrying me through to next month. Thank you all so much for backing my play on this, it means so much to me to read your comments. I know this is not god's most exciting thing, but it's the most writing I've done in a long time and that in itself is meaningful to me.

In the aftermath of a bombing, there is silence. No birds sing. No people chat to each other in the streets. No glasses full of drink with a dull thus against the wood of the table. There is only the still, dark quiet, underlaid by the one sole sound of fires burning. 

So it was in the room, after Fareeha left. As Mina sat. As the fire burned. 

Mina sat with her hands in her lap, not quite staring at the fire. Staring through it. Silence stretches on so long--it could not have been more than a minute since Fareeha stormed out of the room, and if one listened, her steps, firm and consistent, could still be heard echoing back into the low, glowing light of that chamber. 

The firelight provided little more than the heat and dim glow promised. Rei could see things in the fire, certainly, but Mina seemed to be simply turning something over it, like a chicken, dripping from the spit. 

Haruka gave a short sigh, punctuating the air, breaking the spell. Doc put her drink back to her lips, Angela let out a little sob back in her chair, and the world began to move again. 

She leaned toward Mina, paused at her ear for a moment before continuing, Mina keeping her eyes on the fire all the while. A whisper.

“Why’d you do that?” 

Mina looked at her, but said nothing. She simply shook her head as her wide eyes cast around the room. Trying to find a reason for herself, on the shelves, in the flames, anywhere. 

But the house returned only silence. 

Haruka puzzled. Of course Mina sometimes hid things, even from her, that was part of what she was supposed to do, was make judgment calls. Haruka didn’t want that job. But Lena hadn’t done anything, as far as Haruka could tell. But she didn’t always know. She wasn’t very smart, not like Minako. 

Haruka touched Mina’s knee, drew back her attention. “Is Lena…you know, bad?” 

Mina shook her head again, but moved away from Haruka, to the end of the couch. A pang hit Haruka’s chest, her hand still hovering where Mina’s leg should be. She lowered it, and leaned back against the seat of the couch. 

It had been her, somehow. The little spark of unhappiness she had set fire to everyone else. Just because she was…Haruka would have liked to find a word other than ‘jealous’ to apply to her feelings about Fareeha, but she couldn’t come up with a better one. The whole idea of this had been to get some kind of vacation out of Overwatch courting Michiru’s family, and Mina’d wanted to see how other paramilitary groups handled things. Or so she said. Hard to say, with Mina. 

Haruka flushed a little, thinking about how Fareeha, well, didn’t intimidate her, exactly, but she was a wall of a person, both in her body and in her personality. She was so exact, and so polite, but she didn’t seem to like Haruka. Not really. She was polite in the way a police dog was polite. But it didn’t come off awkward, it came off so strong, and the broad shoulders only supported the idea. Haruka found herself wanting to salute, and that anger churned up in her, that someone could be all of that, and Haruka was just, well--

You’re just a weedy and bad-tempered mutt. Never a police dog. 

Haruka shook her head, though it echoed in her own voice. So why didn’t Mina go after Fareeha? Fareeha had actually been the bossy one, mostly. Even to Lena. Lena just didn’t seem to care all that much--Haruka did envy her ability to ignore a commander--and had carried on with whatever she was doing. Lena hadn’t been the one with the detailed schedule. Lena’d taken them to a pub with chicken katsu. She was, Haruka thought, nice. Fareeha seemed to like her, even, and Haruka wasn’t sure Fareeha liked anybody. Except her wife. 

Why had Mina attacked her? Even for Mina, it had been a mean thing to say, especially over such a stupid argument. She was smarter than that. And now she didn’t want to even tell Haruka why. It was confusing, and she hated it. And she hated that it confused her. 

It descended on her again, the difficulty of being the stupid one in a group full of smart people. The fire crackled, and she stared into the flame. No, not the stupid one.

“And if me math’s wrong, it’s because I’m not a very clever woman.”  But Lena smiled wide. She was always smiling, and it never seemed like a choice she was making. 

They were standing at the edge of the road, guessing about how long it might take Lena to get to a nearby town while Fareeha groused at yet another cell phone, trying to find a connection. Haruka took a pull off her cigarette--MIna was probably right and she should cool it on the pack a day she seemed to have developed as a twitch here--and shrugged. 

“Whatever that means. You probably went to fuckin…you know, Cambridge or something.” 

“Sure, right,” she clapped Haruka playfully on the shoulder, “in that I ‘ave been to the English city of Cambridge.”

Lena looked at Haruka a moment, studying, and shook her head. “Love, I never went to university. I completed exactly the two A-levels the RAF needed in order to let me fly very expensive planes, very fast, and took an exam name of, ‘’aving a bloke ask me name, rank, and service number as I stood with me gas mask off, eyeballs melting out me ‘ead.’ Very exclusive program.” 

“Really?” 

Lena’s eyes glittered, the edges of them crunching up with a giggle.

“Clown asked for me name four times because every time he asked "Name?!?" I gave him me rank. Was a bit ‘ard to think, just then. Any’ow.  University, hah.”

“And you’re,” she tapped the ash off the end of her cigarette, “like, an officer.” 

Lena took off her hat, shook the rain off it, and put it back on her head.  “Top as it gets, love, don’t let Fareeha fool you. She doesn’t outrank me, ‘owever much she likes to act as if the world rests on ‘er entirely. I let ‘er, as she isn’t ‘appy if she isn’t miserable, but they report to me same as ‘er.” 

Haruka went to take another puff, and then willed herself to stop. This was an elite organization, the best people in the world, and Haruka hadn’t thought, even for a moment, that one of the leaders might have skipped the whole college experience. Haruka was never going to college, she knew that. She wasn’t smart enough. 

“I know I said I’m not a very clever woman,” Lena was looking at her now, in a serious way, “But--”

“No, I mean, don’t--don’t think you’re stupid or anything--” 

“I don’t, and I’m not.” Lena gave another chuckle. “Haruka. Not a person alive, asks me about university, once they see me fly. I am not being asked to be a bloody physicist when I rally people to the cause. Meantime, Ang don’t know what a sandwich is, and Fareeha acts like ‘uman interaction is a new concept she’s only now learning. What I was going to say is, I know I said I’m not a very clever woman, but I just like to take the piss out of meself now and again. I am perfectly clever, in the ways I need to be, because--” and with this she took Haruka’s elbow, and looked intensely at her. “There is more than one way to be clever, and a good operation, a good group, ‘as many as it can manage.” 

She flushed. How had Lena known? She’d known Haruka felt stupid, and she’d corrected it, and Haruka felt grateful, if grateful came in an ashamed flavor. Limited edition. She was smart in some ways, too, wasn’t she? She was just as good as Ami, or Rei, or any of them. Just different. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna go fix the van.” 

So, she hadn’t been able to fix the van, but that didn’t mean the she didn’t have other things she could do. She could go after Lena. She could try to comfort her, the way she had Haruka. She wasn’t always as good with people as MIna, but she and Lena were alike, right? They were smart in different ways. 

Haruka stood up, determined, and the three women left in the room stared at her. 

“I’m going to find her.” She put back on her jacket. “I can fix it.” 

----

Lena’s back was to the wall, her head tilted back against a toile of small songbirds, legs encircled by flowering green vines. A sliver of moonlight crept through a door and worked up her leg, her arm, her cheek, illuminating that small slice of corduroy and wool and freckle against the long, dark hallway behind her. 

“You should have died that day, and everyone knows it! Everyone!!” 

Dozens of voices rushed in, telling her dozens of other things.  It wasn’t a choice you made, Raj reassured, what else were you meant to do?. Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of chances to die in the line of duty, Parvati added. Oh, Christmas would be so hollow without you, Florrie pressed, misty-eyed, it would feel wrong. And who’s Mondatta to me, said Aunt Lily with a shrug. 

“He was…” Lena breathed in, deep, “he was a hope for something better, and--I--” 

Lena, I don’t know what I would do. 

She opened her eyes and almost saw him, shining tremulously in that pale silver shimmer, the grey of his fur glinting against the darkness. 

It was a nasty thing to say, but that didn’t make it true. All it ever had been was an accident, a wrong step. Sometimes, in life, you lose, love. Doesn’t matter how much you tried. Doesn’t make you a villain. We’ve been over this, Lena. It’s done and dusted. Chin up. Carry on. Sun still rises in the morning.

She pinched her temples and drew her hand forward, wiping her eyes, and nodded. 

Besides, said something inside of her, you have other things to do here, in this life. It was her voice, but tin around the edges, as if someone had stuffed her into an old radio. Not quite right. Not quite her. 

Her back slid up the wall as she stood, brushing the birds and their floral shackles. Lena’s eyes drifted into the darkness. 

There was a light there, a warm orange glow at the end of the hallway. Lena was sure--at least she thought she was sure--that there had only even been a window at the end of that hallway. She must have gotten turned around, it was true that she hadn’t been paying too much attention as she’d stormed away to find a quiet place. 

One foot moved toward the light. The birds behind her let out a shrill call, but were silenced as the vines crossed over them.

A rich aroma came down the hallway, cinnamon and vanilla caressing Lena’s face. She could nearly taste it. But there’d been hardly anything in the kitchen, so far as she had seen. This place had been shut up. 

But she followed, the smell getting stronger, raisins and brandy joining the parade as she became swept in the current, moving inexorably toward that golden glow. It began to feel warmer, as she drew close. There were the giggles of children. A song, playing on a faraway radio. 

You’ve always been needed here. No one here wishes you died. Everything would be so much worse if you had. 

There was a shout, in the back of her mind, the way her dad used to do when she climbed too high into a tree, but it was swallowed and sweetened in the warm syrup of that brandied golden door. She touched her fingertips to it, and it swung open, a zephyr of light and comfort embracing her. 

The fire was blazing in the hearth, reflected in the polished tile of the mantle surrounding it. A giant tree stood in the corner of the room, covered in ribbons and bright glass balls. The table near the window was wobbling with the weight of puddings and pigs in blankets and roast potatoes, all clustered about a giant turkey. 

Giggles, and then passel of children running around the room. As Lena watched them, they began to come into focus, and Lena realized she recognized them. The room was too big and too fine to have belonged to any of them, and yet, here they were. Her family. Christmas. 

She put her hand on the doorknob, steeled herself to leave. This is what you want. She opened the door behind her, and then a chipper voice came from a plush velvet chair by the fireside. 

“Lena?” A man with green eyes and reddish blonde hair turned to face her, “Oh love, we’ve been waiting so long! Tell me everything.” He put his hand out. “I’ve missed you, Bean.” 

Lena shook her head, her back to the door, but it crawled out. 

“Dad?”

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

If there’s one thing Casey McQuiston can do is write extra, post-canon, chapters

“God, she's happy. The weather is glorious, people are good, her motorcycle is sexy. It's one of those days when she is just explosively thankful to be alive and in love and gay in New York City.”

“Jane likes Wes a lot. He reminds her of the moody Bushwick boys she used to see at the quieter bars, the ones who only smoked cloves and complained they' d been born a few years too late to be a beatnik. It's the scowl, she thinks, and the air of perpetual malaise. And the mysterious gift for landing the hottest drag queens in the scene.”

“Jane has known she liked girls for a long, long time. Even when she forgot everything else about herself, she remembered English, Cantonese, and being a lesbian. It's never been worth fighting, not for anyone else's sake, but she did sometimes wish things were different. When she watched her dad trudge up the stairs at the end of a long day and into her mom's arms, she'd wished it was posible for her to know that feeling one day, to have a good woman waiting at home.

August is a good woman.”

“She'd always felt happiest and most loved when she was part of something bigger,”

“That night was the first time she ever slept with a woman. She remembers how revelatory it felt, like searching for a word in one language and realizing it only exists in another. Like her whole life she’d had this perfect thing inside her, this thing that had an exact purpose, that would make sense of everything, and she'd been looking for it wrong until that moment.

She wrote: I was on top of her, figuring out how many ways I could make her feel good, and I thought, "I like girls," which is pretty fucking far from groundbreaking for me, but my next thought was, "I love liking girls," and that was a thought i've never had before. I might have fallen a little bit in love with Ann then, the way I think you should fall in love with your first for at least one night. But I completely and permanently fell in love with the way it feels to make love to a woman.”

“The broader she tries to go, the less it's going to feel true. All these small, specific moments, this patchwork of a million faces and voices and hands and street corners and plates of food and songs and fleeting connections—she keeps trying to zoom out of them, but that's where she loses the details. Love is the meal, and love is the ingredients, and love is the whisk and the fire and the order in the window and the reason it came. She can't separate any part from the whole.”

“Life in the future isn't perfect by a longshot, especially not for people like her. There's so much that's still wrong with the world and so many reasons to look over her shoulder every time she walks down the street. But tonight, she's thankful for this. The scrabble forward, the good changes, and always, even now, a basement full of people who'll take her as she came.”

“But the longer she knew August, the longer she loved her, the more she understoad why those girls could never have been for her. Every one of them had only a piece of what she was looking for. A surly disposition here, a pair of glasses there—every girl she’d ever loved for a night or a week or a month had a shadow of August in her.”

“I was standing on a street that felt like home, she wrote, but I didn't have to hide my haircut or change my clothes to save my family from the gossip. It didn’t even matter if any of those aunties had something to say about me. Mom would never know. I loved it.”

“She wants to have the right words, the right attitude, the right gravity to be worthy of what people see in her, but some days she just wants to pick a stupid fight in the grocery store, and some days she wants to do nothing but learn to make a chocolate tart. She's only ever been one person doing what she had to do to survive. Just Biyu, just Jane.”

“Before the Q, Jane never thought she'd be part of any institution recognized by the state, least of all a wedding. Sure, she attended commitment ceremonies in basements and backyards, manned the patio grill while two boys from down the street slow danced under a magnolia tree and the washed-up hippie officiant burned incense to bless their union. Every time, the experience sang hot and sweet in her veins for days after, the way defiant acts of love between her friends always did. But every time, something told her this would never be hers. Probably, she figured, because she never allowed herself to stay with the same girl for more than a month.”

"You started saving for a ring—?"

"Right after I moved in, yeah.”

"If you ask Myla to explain electrical energy." Jane says, winking at the gleam that appears in Myla's eye, "the first thing she'll tell you is that it can't be created or destroyed. Love is like that too. It can be reshaped a million different ways. It can be as big and as impossible to understand as the universe, and it can be as simple as sitting on the other end of the same telephone line, not even saying anything. But in my experience, it'll never be small, and it'll never be short, and it sure as hell won't ever leave you. All it does is find a new place inside you to live, or a new channel to broadcast out of you. It carries you out when the house is falling down. It's the reason why anything good happens, and it's all those good things put together, the picture they make when you step back and really look. Love makes sense of everything. Love makes you real.”

[immortal-elements]

My thoughts on the new story patch, and I'm sorry, I'm gonna be a hater... or, a heitor, if you will.

That was it? All that buildup, all that tension? And we got that?

Like, taking this piece by piece, for the story.

We hear that Isgarren still doesn't want to devote his oh so precious time to preventing a kryptis genocide, nothing new there. We then get told "go do events until the bar is full", which is... not the story pacing I'm really looking for.

2. Peitha gets ambushed by some loyalist kryptis, que 5 minutes of taking down a swarm of enemies with no further plot development or meaning, just throw 100 guys at the commander who is doing their best lawnmower impersonation. After which, we get the oh so juicy detail that the kryptis siding with Eparch are actually fearful!

3. Then, finally, the assault! After another "throw 50 guys at the commander" event, you get a "throw 100 guys at the commander, but this time the commander has to stand still for a while in the middle of it", followed by "the commander fights 100 things while climbing up a tower", which was honestly kinda fun, I can't knock that.

4. the final bossfight. I wasn't even using my unkillable build, I opted instead for my condi weaver build, which is very fragile and punishing of mistakes. Eparch was a snooze. I felt in danger only once because I decided "hey, what happens if I stand right in the middle of his big attack", and I saw my 16k HP pool dwindle to 3k. I've said this before and I'll say it again, good final bosses are hard, good bosses punish you for your mistakes. Chak Gerent is a great boss because it can very easily down you if you aren't paying attention. Eparch was such a snooze that I was able to out-sustain his damage using... signet of restoration and written in stone. But hey, as far as story stuff that happens in that fight, Isgarren shows up once you have Eparch nearly dead just so he can land the final blow and say that he helped end the war.

5. The final instance. I'm a-ok with an instance where the credits roll, I am a-ok with an achievement for watching all the credits roll. If you want to put NPC's for me to talk to into the instance, cool! Don't make me sit around while each of the kryptis that you introduced 2 story instances ago (if even) slowly and laboriously says their piece, especially if I can't go and do other things while they do! I'd love to pay attention to the story, don't get me wrong. Fleshy emotion demons that I have no connection to are not what interests me.

Boring, dull. I really really wanted to like SotO, and I had high hopes after the initial launch, but Nayos was meh, and everything that happened in Nayos was meh. 3/10. The initial SotO release wasn't bad! We got 2 very unique maps and a new hub world, which is pretty neat! That released in august of last year. It has been 10 months and we've been given 1 map piecemeal. We got 3 short story installments of 3 instances each that let us get into a lil tiny bit more of the map. So, what can Anet do to improve for the next expansion? Just give us the whole damn expansion all at once! Don't rush it, give us memorable characters, maybe lower the stakes a little bit and gradually ramp up to world ending stakes again! Releasing a map piece by piece worked well for Icebrood Saga, Bjora Marches and Drizzlewood coast are some of the best maps in the game IMO. Bjora gives me utter chills every time I am in there, as though the ambient creepiness is chilling me to my very bone, fitting with the constant blizzard. Drizzlewood coast feels like a warzone, constantly taking and giving land, resources, and mounting attacks! I love that, and the fact that it very thematically fits into the story too! I love it! Instead, we got emotion eating demons from another dimension that it is now somehow our problem to fix? All because an all powerful wizard wouldn't get his 4 thumbs out of his ass? "Wowee, here's a character I'm sure you all remember and are happy to have back! She even has her original voice actor!" and then... not writing her as the same character? Nigh immediate character assassination? C'mon.

As for what SotO got right, a lot of the non-story stuff that they introduced is honestly really good! I love the wizard's vault, (while it has wronged me personally by inadvertently jacking up the prices of mystic coins by about 700%), I love that it is like a battlepass with none of the toxic marketing strategies as a regular battlepass. I love the relic system! It took a while to grow on me, and I feel like they need to do a lot with the system to not make it "This is the BiS relic for power builds, this is the BiS relic for condi builds, and this is the BiS relic for healers", it's a very good and very customizable system! Weaponmaster training and advanced weapon proficiencies are great! While I initially bitched and moaned about the inevitable results of weaponmaster training, (catalyst has caused every weapon it touches to get nerfed into the dirt, I didn't want them touching my precious weaver sword), it's again grown on me! The customization that it brings to the table is honestly really damn good! I like being able to be a hammer wielding tempest! I like being able to use other specialization's weapons on other professions. Necromancer has become so much more fun now that I can wield pistol and torch across the board.

The SotO expansion brought a lot of what I think gw2 needed to the game. The SotO story, on the other hand...

[st4rving-sunfl0wer]

𝖛𝖊𝖓𝖙

more screaming into the void. does it ever stop hurting?

two weeks.

𝖙𝖜 𝖘𝖚!𝖈!𝖉𝖆𝖑 !𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

✧☾𖤓

it's been two weeks, to the minute, since you walked away from me for the third and final time. august 29th, 1:34am; i don't think i can ever forget it. it still hurts as if you'd just done it.

do you hurt, too? did it even cause you a little grief to leave me so abruptly, so harshly? you promised me you wouldn't leave me like everyone else, reassuring my deep-seated fear of abandonment over and over that you loved me, that you would stay with me, that we had a future. you promised that we would stick together through it all. i guess i didn't know that your "all" didn't really mean "all." so i believed you. like a fucking idiot, i ignored what i knew and i believed you and i trusted you. i even got your promises tattooed in your handwriting. you used to tell me you wanted a tattoo from me, too. guess that's never going to happen, either, huh? just another way that i gave you my everything to end up being rejected.

like how i wrote you letters and sent you things i'd made you so that you'd have physical reminders that i was here, that i love you through the hard times, even when i couldn't physically be there. you never sent me anything. the only physical things i have of you are the fucking lies tattooed on my skin. when i mentioned it once, you said you didn't know what to send, that just because you didn't send me things or get tattoos didn't mean you didn't care about me. which, theoretically, is true. but here we are now, and all i can see looking back is how i loved you in a way you stopped reciprocating. maybe you never loved me the way i love you at all. you promised me you weren't like everyone else, getting so upset with me for being hesitant to trust you after being hurt before. yet here we are. you became another person who lied to me, who didn't love me the way i loved them, who left me. was i really so wrong to instinctively try to treat you like everyone else?

i wonder if you still have the things i sent you. have you gotten rid of them, tried to erase every trace of me from your life? you told me once that i was your safe space, that you kept my letters near you because they helped your space feel like me, feel safe. when did i stop being that? what do my letters feel like now? i'm sure you've gotten rid of them and my gifts by now, cast the labors of my hands and my heart aside.

i want you to.

i almost unblocked you to ask you to get rid of the things i gave you. it doesn't seem right that you get to have pieces of me when you never gave me anything to hold, any parts of you. it's not fair. none of this is fucking fair.

i still love you. i would still take you back in a heartbeat. but i don't think you're my semicolon anymore.

a semicolon is a reason to stay. a reason to choose to try, to continue. you took that with you when you left. you took me with you when you left; i've only ever been a shadow of a person, but you made me almost whole. you're my other half. without you, i don't have a semicolon. i don't have a reason. i don't have myself.

i'm so tired. i know i'll never recover from this; nothing has ever hurt me like this before. i told you the first time you left me that i couldn't survive going through that again. clearly, you didn't care. it's really only a matter of time, now. how far can i push myself? how long can i wait for my actions to k!ll me before i shorten the wait myself? this is what i live for, now.

i've learned my lesson. all too well.

✧☾𖤓

[irismfrost]

August 13/14 - Last Day

Today, I unfortunately didn't really do much. I was going to go to one of the places some of the other travelers went but it was a 3 hour train trip to get there and I wasn't going to be ready for that. I also did not sleep well. The nasty train station bento box was not enough food for dinner - figures. So I woke up in the middle of the night with a hungry headache. So I tried to eat what little food I could find and drink some water and lay down until I felt good enough to sleep. And by the time morning came around, it was back so I made my way to hotel breakfast. Again, I'm so glad I bought that. Then I went back to sleep because I was still so tired after getting about 5 hours for the past 2 nights. Then I got lunch at this place that is supposed to be healthy and have good ingredients and the ions in the air are supposed to heal you. The vibe was in between a rock store and a whole foods but with more mid food. But I ate it all. And then went back to doing nothing.

Then I thought that I should at least try to explore. I've barely bought any trinkets here. So I went to try the ferris wheel that I've been staring at outside my hotel window for the last few days. It is located inside a mall, which I thought was strange but after further thought, it made sense. You could see the whole city which was nice and I spotted my hotel (I think). I got dinner at the mall and it was a sit down place. You order from the tablet and so I Google Translated each page and a lot of the time, the translations are a bit off, so I don't put a lot of stock in them; I mostly use it to get a general idea of what it is and make sure there is no meat. And looking back, boiled whitebait and cod roe may not have been the right choice for me, but that's the pasta I ended up deciding on. I felt like I was eating my guppies. This place had pasta with the toppings and you pour your choice of their "famous" broth over the top (comes in a little tea kettle). They also have a tofu bar with what I assume is their "famous" homemade tofu. It was also pretty good and I think the other vegetarian girl on our trip @thenotsosecretdiaryofbiyu would have loved it. I also got these rice cakes for dessert and it was okay. It was literally sweat rice and beans with a mochi-like topping with flavor. I had a feeling it wouldn't be my cup of tea when I ordered it, but I thought it would be good for me to try something that is supposed to be a traditional dessert. I am trying to like the foods here (and Taiwan), and I think that I may have gone too far outside my comfort zone this time, but I am so ready to just make my own food.

The weather here is nicer than what it will be in Florida when I get back. Taiwan was hotter and reminded me more of a hotter and more humid south Florida. Japan reminds me of north Florida/ Georgia. And they have similar latitudes so that makes sense.

The Osaka airport once again is a mess. I am having an issue checking into my flight with a different airline after I get to the states, but I got all 3 of my boarding passes when I checked my luggage. Everything about the airport makes me paranoid but I have made it past the multiple layers of security. After checking my bag, I went through security. They only check your boarding pass at this point, not your passport. My bag got flagged, but I was okay. Then I went through an additional layer of security. This was to check your passport and your picture scan and it was all through a machine. Then you are safe. There were less food places throughout - they were really only at the entrance of the gate. It's interesting to people watch at the airport. I saw this one guy with a haircut that looked like someone found a patch of grass and just plopped it on the top of a shaved head. A lot of the dudes here have what I think is a perm that's brushed out and looks scraggly but textured and I think it's just the "look". It's not a good one.

The South Korean Airport (ICN) had a layer of security even for transfers. I've never had an international layover before, so maybe this is normal. You went through the security checkpoint where they scanned your bags and they also scanned your passport here. They also have no vegetarian food at this airport. I found an egg sandwich - the bread was sweet and I didn't like it. I searched this entire airport for a meal and probably walked a mile with my duffel bag. I passed a Starbucks at one point and may have to go back before my flight and see if they have any food for me. Everything has pork in it. And I can't get vegetarian meals on my flight because I was supposed to do that 24 hours in advance but it wasn't a part of the online check in; I was supposed to call but can't make international calls without charges so I was doomed from the start. So, I'm hoping my protein bar and whatever food I can find in this airport before boarding starts will hold me over until Seattle. Unless they happen to have a vegetarian option on the flight anyways, which happened on the flight to Taiwan, so there's hope. I think the flight attendants will help me though, I'm not too worried.

As I was finishing my scrapbook and packing up my things, I am happy that I'm here but also happy to leave. I've had quite the time on this side of the world and so many unique experiences that will stay with me forever. I'm just so grateful for this opportunity. Our professor (Yeh laoshi) and Chief created a great program for the first time and went through a political nightmare to make this happen and Peter was the best tour guide I could've asked for. My experience wouldn't be possible without them, and my classmates of course. My participation on trip to Taiwan, and by extension Japan, was really due to a stroke of luck, some spontaneity, and having the necessary resources to go through with it. I definitely regret some of my purchases and wish I had spent my money elsewhere LOL, but at the end of the day it's the memories that matter more. Iris signing off ✌🏻

[panda-writes-kpop]

White Rabbit ~ JiU

A/N: It honestly feels like forever since I've updated this series, but it's only been two months, which is wild to me. Anyways, I hope you all are well! Happy belated birthday to my favorite ray of sunshine in Dreamcatcher!

TW: Reader experiences clairvoyant visions and past memories together, a hospital scene, reader gets knocked out, and another cliffhanger until August. :)

Summary: JiU's presence brings clarity to the storm of emotions and thoughts that's been surrounding you, but you still have plenty of questions to be answered. The top one, by far, is this: Who's the new girl who you've been seeing in your visions, and how does she tie into you, Yoohyeon, and Wonderland as a whole?

♡ Masterlist ♡ 》》》 ♤ Series Masterlist ♤

“I’m late, I’m late!”

A voice echoes in your head, but your surroundings do not support the existence of a new being.

“Yoohyeon, where are we?”

The concern in your voice is visible, but Yoohyeon rolls her shoulders back, and your concerns go flying into the wind.

Wind? There’s wind?

You place your hand out as a gentle breeze floats between your fingertips.

I guess this place isn’t so bad after all.. It’s not that different from my own world, except in a hundred different ways.

The colors continue to swirl in your vision as you keep walking, but your feet start to tire after a while.

“We need to stop, Yoohyeon, otherwise my feet will fall off!” You whine as Yoohyeon’s pace slows.

“You want a break? We’ll take a break, but don’t you complain when something bad happens!”

~

“I’m late, I’m late!” JiU scrambles to take a seat opposite you as you chuckle at her behavior. “I promise I’m not usually like this! It’s just been a rough day.”

“It’s alright, JiU.” You reach out and place your hand over hers.

She smiles before tilting her head at you.

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be?”

“Other people would be mad.”

“Patience is a virtue, my dear, and trust me, I’m nothing like other people.”

~

“I’m late, I’m late!”

You want to tear your ears off of your head as those words echo inside your head, again and again.

Listen, I don’t know who you are, but I promise you’ll be just fine! Please shut up, for the love of everything good in the world!

Yoohyeon continues to lead you forward, but the buzzing of this voice in your skull forces you to pay no mind to your surroundings.

“I’m late, I’m late! Oh, Dearest Queen, what will you think of me now that I’m late?”

You wince in pain as the voice echoes louder, and you nearly crash into Yoohyeon as she stops.

“Why have we-”

“Handong.” Yoohyeon pointedly says as you peek around Yoohyeon’s frame.

“It really is you…” You mumble as a light smile appears on your face.

“Go back to your hiding place.” Yoohyeon hisses as Handong shakes her head.

“I’m afraid I cannot do that with good consciousness, my friend. I made a deal with Alice, and I will make good on said deal.” Handong offers you a reassuring smile before stepping aside. “Plus, I brought some help.”

The curled smile appears before the red hair, and you feel your spirits lift as Gahyeon appears in front of you. She waves at you before wagging her finger at Yoohyeon.

You’re a liar, she mouths to Yoohyeon.

“I-I don’t know what you mean!” She folds into herself before quickly turning to you. “You don’t believe them, do you?”

“I-” You bow your head in shame. “You haven’t given me a straight answer one way or another. How am I supposed to trust you when you can’t give me an answer for the simplest of questions?”

Yoohyeon darkly laughs before shaking her head.

“Fine! You trust them sooo much so they can lead you to the answers you seek! I’m going home.” She leans in and glares at you before walking away.

You fiddle nervously with your fingers as Yoohyeon walks away from the three of you.

Is everything going to be okay now?

You sigh in relief before looking at Handong.

You go to open your mouth, but you’re stopped when someone else crashes into you.

“Who are yo-”

“I’m late, I’m late!”

~

You open your eyes, but you’re not in Wonderland.

Where have I gone this time?

You look around at your surroundings. You’re in a coffee shop, similar to the one Gahyeon took you to.

This must be where Gahyeon got the inspiration to bring me here. But why this specific coffee shop? Why not another one?

A girl with brown hair and streaks of pink in her hair brushes past you, but she pays you no mind.

I must be in someone else’s memory… but the question stands, who is the girl in front of you?

You can’t get a good look at her face as she sits in front of you with her back facing you. After everything you’ve gone through, you’re reasonably scared to confront the young woman.

What if it’s a trap? What if Yoohyeon is the only one who can save me?

Another woman walks into the coffee shop, but from the opposite direction. Her face is unfamiliar, along with her short black hair.

Who are you???

After sitting at the table, her eyes snap up to you.

“You’re not supposed to be here.”

“What do you-”

Your hand covers your own mouth, but not by your conscious desire.

What the hell is going on now?

“I’m not the enemy you seek.” She softly says before gazing at the other girl in front of you. “We can’t meet, or at least, not yet. You have others to meet, yes?”

I-

“I should let you get back to that. JiU has someplace to be, and I think it would be a shame for you to miss her again, right?”

The other girl in the room tilts her head at the black-haired girl.

“Who are you talking to, Y-”

~

You gasp as you open your eyes.

“How hard did you hit them?” Gahyeon asks before placing a gentle hand on your chest. “Breathe, you’re alright.”

“I-I-” You pull at your hair nervously, but the words won’t come out.

“Hold on.” Handong pushes past Gahyeon to reach out to you. “Did you see a vision?”

“A vision?”

“I suppose hallucination would be the most accurate word, but whatever you saw is an event that happened at the same time that she collided into you.”

You glance to your left, and you see a black-haired girl bow her head in shame. Her hat goes with her head, and on top of her hat are two rabbit ears that come out of either side.

JiU.

“JiU?” You gently ask before reaching a hand out to her. “The White Rabbit.”

She laughs, pitiful at best, as she puts a smile on her face.

“It’s quite obvious, isn’t it?”

“I think I’ve just become a better guesser.” You joke, and a real smile appears on JiU’s face. “I heard you before I saw you, if I’m being honest.”

Her eyes light up with surprise.

“You heard me?”

Gahyeon raises her eyebrows and looks over to Handong.

“Another effect of the visions?”

Handong nods as you sit up on the bed.

“Where did you take us, Gahyeon?”

“A makeshift hospital ward, but it has similar effects to the coffee shop that I took you to earlier.”

You sigh before folding your arms.

“So, who’s going to start talking and telling me what the fuck is going on?”

Handong sighs.

“I suppose I should start, right? I should preface, I can’t tell you everything-”

“You and Gahyeon have told me that multiple times.” You grumble before continuing on. “But continue on, I think I’ll need as much as you can tell me.”

“So, as I was saying, I can’t tell you every answer that you can seek, but I can tell you about myself.” Handong places a hand on her chest before taking a seat in the chair that sits next to your bed. “Like Gahyeon, my powers only work in the range of the forestry and in this place. I’m not able to be as useful as I’d like to be, but I can try my best.”

“What exactly are your powers?”

“I figured you would ask that, Al-” She stops herself before shaking her head. “I should stop calling you that. It’s not your true name.”

JiU looks at Handong with confusion.

“But they are Alice.”

“They are, but they didn’t choose to be Alice. That’s the difference.”

JiU’s eyes widen in shock as a fiery flame of anger sparks inside of Gahyeon.

“You’re not serious, right? That can’t be possible. It shouldn’t be possible-”

“Gahyeon, relax, I’m getting there.” Handong raises her hand to silence Gahyeon, and she, although completely upset, resigns herself to silence. “As you are aware, part of my power comes from making deals with others. My deal with them,” She gestures to you, “was a trade of memories for allyship. Using their memories with Yoohyeon’s, I was able to figure out what actually happened.”

“Wait, Yoohyeon made a deal with you?” You scrunch your eyebrows at Handong.

“A long, long time ago, but yes. I asked for her memories, and I offered her the same as you. She wanted different terms, and I obliged.”

“What were the terms, Handong?” Gahyeon bitingly says.

“It was the same on my end - the memories she was fine with; however, Yoohyeon asked for the power to travel between our realm and the Awake.”

“That sort of power… it can be only harnessed by-”

“The Author, Gahyeon. You can say their title, but not their name.”

“The Author?” You say before placing a hand on your head. “If I didn’t have a headache before, I certainly have one now.”

“To keep a long explanation short, they control the story of Alice in Wonderland. They control our powers and where we can use them. The problem is that they are also bound by the force that they yield.” Handong explains.

“Totally not confusing at all.” You mutter before rolling your eyes. “Okay, so Yoohyeon got this power to travel through worlds from you-”

“Technically it was from the Author.” Handong corrects. “I had to get special permission in order to create such a deal. It was a complete hassle for me, but I did what I had to.”

“Okay, fine, so Yoohyeon gets this power from this ‘Author’, but for what purpose?”

“I had no idea why she would want such a power either. I finally figured it out when you appeared out of literally nowhere.”

“So Yoohyeon dragged me down here… for no reason at all? Seriously?”

Gahyeon bites her lip, nervously, as Handong leans back into your chair.

“That I can not tell you, due to the terms that the Author has set.”

“What Handong means to say is that you have to find the reason out for yourself.” Gahyeon interprets before stepping closer to your bedside. “We can’t tell you. Otherwise, we’ll disappear forever.”

“Holy shit, this sucks.” You deflate back onto the headrest of the bed before you look at JiU.

“I’m the only person who can use their powers in any part of Wonderland.” JiU explains before showing you her shoes.

Her shoes have wings attached to them… why am I unfazed by this? Is this my life now?

“This is good. You’re starting to regain your personality, what makes you unique… I wish we could have met under different circumstances.” Gahyeon sadly says.

You notice that Handong opens her mouth to say something, but she chooses not to.

One question remains on your mind.

“What now?”

“You can come with me to meet the Queen of Hearts, and we figure out the rest from there.” JiU offers. “Otherwise, you can explore Wonderland on your own.”

“Somehow, I know that exploring this place on my own is a terrible idea.” You chuckle at yourself before continuing on. “I like the idea of going with you.”

JiU stands up and adjusts her hat.

“It’s settled.”

You go to stand up, but Handong’s hand catches your shoulder.

“One last thing. Once you leave the forest, Gahyeon and I won’t be able to help you anymore. We can only watch until you choose to return to the forest.”

“I- It’s something I have to do. I need answers, and something is telling me that this is the best way forward.”

“Your intuition is a powerful tool. Let it guide you to the answers you seek.” Handong, let's go of you as you stand next to JiU.

“Shall we go?”

A bright smile lights up JiU’s face.

“We shall.”

~

Handong and Gahyeon watch as you and JiU disappear into thin air.

“Do you think we did the right thing by intervening?” Gahyeon asks.

“Do you think we didn’t?” Handong shoots back.

“Don’t say things like that. You sound like Yoohyeon when you do.”

“Don’t insult me!” Handong says before folding her arms over her chest. “Besides, I have something to show you.”

“You do?”

“Remember when you said that you wished you could meet them under different circumstances?”

“Of course I do, it was only a few moments ago!” Gahyeon exclaims.

“Then do I have something to show you, friend.”

[lancerious]

now I ask YOU questions! >:3

40, 46, 29, 23, and 31

YUS more questions >:D

Q: Favorite memory

A: Um. Uh. Ok I have a lot of "favorite" memories which nullifies the meaning of the word lol, BUT considering how a huge part of my online presence is me obsessing over Lancer, I'll mention a memory that relates to him :>

The memory is...simply my first playthrough of Deltarune Chapter 1! I knew a decent amnt of the game at that point, including the general plot lol, but I wanted to see what the game was truly like. I know I played it in either my junior or senior year of highschool, can't remember which one it was. I also believe it was on a school break, whether it was summer break or a smaller one

ANYWAY, I played the game in the dead of night, everyone else at home was asleep. I had to play quietly as to not wake up anyone lol, and...oh my GOD, I fell in LOVE with the game even MORE after that, its characters included! Actually PLAYING Chapter 1 made me love nearly ALL characters SO MUCH more, ESPECIALLY Lancer. I kid you not, I remember laughing at every single line Lancer had, he was just so therapeutic for me. I have such a vivid recollection of my first playthrough, and there's TONS more I would say but then this post would be a goddamn novel & I'm still only on the first question lol

But yeah, I still adore this memory, and I always come back to Deltarune Chapter 1 if I ever feel down, because man, it works WONDERS <3

Q: What my last text message says

A: It's a link to a page for tickets to watch Coraline in theaters this August. If links don't count, my last text message is...literally just "Ok", that is actually it lol

Q: Favorite film(s)

A: YESYESYES I was hoping for this one!! I have two fav films, one animation & one live-action

My fav animated film is...Coraline, who would've guessed! I do prefer the book but the film is GORGEOUS, and it's in stopmotion which I also love! Coraline as a whole is such a wonderful story & has a very important lesson in it too, hidden behind all the pure insanity the movie has. It's just so great <3

My fav live-action film is Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children! It's based on the books of the same name, and while I DO have the books, I haven't gotten around to reading them just yet. Therefore, I don't know how accurate the film is, but I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. The movie NEEDS more attention it is hands-DOWN my favorite fantasy movie! It's not perfect, nothing truly is, but I absolutely ADORE it ^-^

Q: Fear(s)

A: I have a fair amnt of these! I'll list a bunch here

Any sudden sounds, ESPECIALLY if they're loud. A couple notable examples are the fear of balloons popping, alongside fireworks! I LOVE both of them, ESPECIALLY fireworks they are SO beautiful, but I'm always worried of the inevitable loud sound that will follow. For balloons I'm much more wary bcs I don't know WHEN the balloon will pop, whereas for fireworks it's mostly a concern of how LOUD each firework will be

Broken glass! The reasoning for this fear is that I cut the big toe on my left foot when I was a young kid from a broken glass shard from a shattered lightbulb. Ever since then I've been SUPER nervous around SHATTERED glass. I'm fine if the glass is intact, but once it's shattered I stay FAR away from it

Being forgotten is a big worry of mine. I think a decent amnt of people can relate to this. I've had past experiences where this occurred, so I'm extra sensitive to this, even if I don't show my worry outwardly

This somewhat goes with number 3: being rejected. I do NOT mean this in a romantic way, this is purely platonic. I have had SO many instances where I was rejected in some way & I don't have a lot of tolerance for it anymore

Overloading is another one. This primarily focuses on me bombarding people with the things I'm interested in, which has resulted in a few people rejecting me, see fear #4. This causes me to intentionally hold back EVERYWHERE, even in places where going on positive rants is encouraged

Finally, to end this list on another relatively "goofy" fear, there's bees, wasps, hornets, anything that stings! People have different reasons for being afraid of these insects, but mine is simply the fact that I have NEVER been stung, not once. I don't know if I'm allergic or not; I'm mostly afraid of the pain it could cause me as I have a VERY low pain tolerance. I literally panic every time a stinging insect comes into my field of view

Q: 3 random facts

All right, time to bring out the randomness in me >:D

When I was VERY young, probably toddler age at most, my head got whacked by a tree/branch, it was definitely some part of a tree at least lol. I got a tiny bump on my head as a result, it's still present to this day :P

I DESPISE melted cheese. It's obscene. Get it out of my sight. IhateitIhateitIhateitIhateitIhateit

My favorite candy bar is Kit-Kat! Funny enough, that's actually my nickname to some people bcs of how much I love them

Bonus fact bcs I felt like it, I've written stuff, Ik some people know this already lol but still. I have abt 10 rotating ideas constantly in my mind that I've never put to paper but I hope to do so someday <3

TY FOR THE ASK <3

[purplerakath]

Cobra Kai S6 - "Part One"

(That title might be misleading, I'm not numbering my responses to Season 6, this is literally about how this is part 1 of 3 for the season.)

I need to start with this, because it's going to come up a lot over everything else I want to say about Season 6. This one won't have a ton of spoiler spoilers, but I do talk a little about the plot. (Really I spoil three other movies instead because I get spicy.) But how this is not a full season (and no, showrunners, it isn't a 'mini season' either), it's important to go over what a narrative looks like.

Okay, so I've seen a lot of the comments about what's going on in S6 (so far) but I feel a lot of them can get answered by a handy-dandy graph. Everyone has probably seen the storygraph. A rising line of tension to a climax, then a dramatic fall back to equilibrium.

This graph:

This applies to scenes, episodes, seasons. Scenes, chapters, books if you go all literary. And it's generally a solid structure to go with. It works and it feels good when you do it right (there's a sex joke to make here if you want to, but I'm too lazy to do that).

The issue is that we're dealing with only a third of this. Which is a lot of the complaints people are having. What they've done with every character has been setting up conflict and resolving nothing. We get to the end of the blue section and we don't even start into the red yet. And things only really feel content when we get that green bit.

See, normally when you're breaking up a narrative into parts, you create a sub-narrative to handle a satisfying ending for that installment. Empire Strikes Back, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and Spiderverse 2 all are half of a larger whole (with Return of the Jedi, Pirates 3, and Spiderverse 3) but each has a plot to itself. Han's sacrificing himself in ESB at the end is resolving his roguish not standing for anything at the start. Jack sacrificing himself in DMC is putting his friends over himself (deja vu). And Gwen making up with her dad, determining fate can be changed and the whole Spider Society nonsense is nonsense for AtSV.

We leave Luke's plot in Star Wars, Elizabeth and Will's plots in Pirates, and Miles's plot in Spiderverse fully open. But someone got a proper resolution now and that sates our desire for narrative meaning. There is NONE of that in Cobra Kai S6.1, and things that should get some resolution are just set-up for later so it feels like characters aren't doing what they should.

Now! All that said, if we were waiting a week or two, this would be fine. We get to stew in these questions, these unfinished thoughts, for a few days. We have to wait four months to... see what the climax is, we won't even get our falling action until sometime next year.

And that's honestly the problem. I get milking this for three months worth of Netflix subscription. But they could have done that in July, August, and September just as easily.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirteen

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 3, 2018 los angeles, california orion

I've not left the apartment since I got home from the hospital two days ago, except to take Duke out a few times a day. The nausea has been unrelenting the entire time and I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I don't even sleep in our bed. I spend the whole time on the couch.

I'm grateful that I've only vomited once, but I haven't eaten a full meal in several days. From being stressed about Cal leaving to getting started on chemo, food hasn't exactly been appealing. I can tell my weight is going to plummet over the next several weeks, but it's hard to fight the feeling that I'll throw up anything I eat and also that adding anything else to the chaos in my stomach already is not a good idea.

Duke has been a great cuddle companion and has barely left my side. Calum called again yesterday but hasn’t yet called today. The time zones make it so confusing and I keep forgetting whether he’s ahead or behind of me in time. He texted me a few hours ago—it was just a selfie of him and Ashton backstage, letting me know they were about to perform. Once they finish the show tonight they’re flying to New Zealand, which I know he’s excited about.

It’s been long enough now that I think he should be off stage soon, if they aren’t already, but I know they’re going to be kind of chaotic afterwards because they’ll be rushing to the airport. I don’t plan on calling him at all; his schedule is so insane and busy, and I know he will do his best to call me as much as he can. I’ll call him if it’s important enough, but so far nothing has happened that should mean I call him.

This morning I woke up to a banging on the apartment door and to my dismay I found my moms had ordered groceries for me. It was just a bunch of easy to make foods — cans of soup, frozen pizzas, instant ramen — but it still frustrated me that they would do that without asking me. I don’t need their help.

I grumble silently, dragging the food inside with Duke sticking his face in the bags. “Nothing for you, sorry buddy.”

Once I get the frozen food into the freezer, I go to flop back on the couch. My body aches so much. I don’t feel like I can stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I’ve debated checking with Macy to see if she would be able to walk Duke for me, but I’m scared to rope another person in on my secret. I’m on the couch watching more Girl Meets World when Emelia texts me.

From: emi✨ how ya doin today? need anything?

To: emi✨ yuck. am fine. just don’t wanna move ever again.

From: emi✨ do you want me to walk duke for you? i can come by after work!

I want to say yes, but she’s already doing so much. She’s the one who will be driving me to and from chemo next week, and she’s already planning on coming over again tomorrow to keep an eye on me. I’m hoping I feel okay enough to hang out with Macy in a few days like we’d planned… I decide I am just going to suck it up. I can handle it. What's the worst that can happen?

I text Emelia "no" and then muster as much strength as I have left to get off the couch again. It's time to take a shower, I decide.

It takes me a somewhat shameful amount of time to get to the bathroom and turn on the water. I crank it all the way up because I'm freezing. Before I get in, I grab a pair of Cal's boxers and one of his hoodies to put on when I get out, and then I hook my phone up to the Bluetooth speaker so I can listen to music.

The sound of Maisie Peters' brief but iconic discography echoes in the room while I step under the hot water, and I instantly feel better. Washing my hair feels weird because it's so much shorter than it was when I last washed it. I pump out far too much shampoo for the amount of hair I have left, but it smells nice, so it's fine.

I'm singing the words to Worst of You when the music is replaced by ringing. Someone is calling me, and, if I had to guess, it's Calum. Of course, he calls right during the first time in the past several days that I can't answer. Quickly, I rinse the shampoo from my hair and try to scrub my entire body, undoubtedly missing a few places, but I just want to get out.

Tossing the sweatshirt on over my wet hair and clumsily stepping into the boxers, I grab my phone off the counter and hit the button to call Calum back. While it rings, I wrap the towel over my hair and walk out of the bathroom, plopping back on the couch.

"If it isn't my favorite girl on the planet," Calum answers.

My mood instantly lifts but I roll my eyes. "I'm telling Joy that she's not your favorite. She won't be happy."

"That's different and you know it."

I smile. I love that he loves his mom so much, but being ranked higher than her is really such an honor. She's a wonderful lady.

"Sorry to miss your call, I was in the shower."

"No, it's fine! We're driving to the airport now and I just wanted to say hi really quick."

"How was the second show?"

Calum starts talking about a technical issue that I don’t really understand but try to listen intently. Something about the sound in his earpieces cutting off and no one believed or understood him so he had to play the whole show not being able to hear anything. He said the fans made him a sign to remind him of his lyrics (a common trend) and someone threw a beaded bracelet onstage that had a C and an O with a heart between them.

“It’s yours now,” he says. “It won’t fit me but it’ll fit your tiny wrist.”

I smile. It’s a cute memento and I am glad the fans are kind of warming up to me. I try to avoid looking for their opinions and thoughts on me but it’s a bit inescapable if I go on any of the 5SOS pages to check for updates.

“Can’t wait to have it,” I tell him.

“Did I tell you I’ve flown Mum out to Auckland? We’ll get there around the same time.”

“No! You didn’t tell me, but I’m jealous. I miss her.”

“She misses you too. She said they’d love to come to LA for Christmas, too, so we can maybe start planning that?” He says it like a question. “I know it’ll probably be you planning it because I know you love planning but it doesn’t have to be just you.”

My heart gets warmer at the thought. I love hosting and spending time with our favorite people, especially for special occasions. It could also be the first time we get to introduce our families to each other. We only have one guest room, but Cal’s office/studio could fit an air mattress for Mali if she doesn’t bring a partner. My family could just come up for the day, or maybe Cal and I could sleep on the couch and give my moms and brother our room.

Then I remember treatment plans and all of the uncertainty in my future and my head starts to spin. Will we be able to host if I’m going through treatment? Maybe Cal should just go to Australia for Christmas without me, and I’ll stay here and get treatment or just spend it with my own family. I try not to think on it too hard, but there is still, devastatingly, a chance that Calum won’t be happy when I tell him I’ve been lying.

He wouldn’t break up with me over it, I don’t think, but sometimes when he’s mad he does lose sight of rationality. It’s not a unique trait to him. We all do it. He’s never gotten mad at me—we’ve had fights and arguments but he’s never been angry with me specifically, more a situation or something that just frustrates him. I don’t know how he’s going to react, and maybe that’s part of why I didn’t want to tell him at all. I am 98% sure Calum would’ve opted out of tour for me, but that other 2% gnaws at the back of my brain.

Would he have ended it then and there? Why go through the heartache of being with someone you know will die soon?

“Orion?” Cal’s voice interrupts my spiral.

“Sorry, what?”

He laughs. “I said you’d probably want to be in charge of planning Christmas.”

I laugh nervously. “Yeah, I mean… probably.”

He’s silent for a minute. It’s a short pause and with anyone else, it wouldn’t matter or stick out, but with Calum, it does. “You okay?”

I hate how easily he’s able to read me without even being able to see me. I quickly try to come up with an excuse. “Yeah, just been having a hard time sleeping. The apartment feels so empty without you.”

Calum pauses again, and I know it’s because that idea makes him a bit sad. “Would you feel better if Em stayed there? That could be fun, a four month sleepover with your bestie.”

I purse my lips, holding back that Em has already stayed here one night of the three that he’s been gone. “Maybe.”

He sighs. “I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. Let me know if there’s any way I can help. Even if it’s just to fly home for a day whenever we have a break or to fly you somewhere for a day. I don’t care. I want to see you, especially if you’re down, okay?”

I want to shake my head but he can’t see me. “Cal, it’s fine. We’ll be fine. Just might take a bit to get used to.”

“I don’t want you to get used to a life without me, O. I’m here, forever, okay? Whatever you need, I’m there.”

With each word, I can feel my heart ripping down the middle, inch by inch. I don’t know how it’s still whole.

“I love you,” is all I manage to say. I’m choking back tears, the guilt is so much. How can I keep this up? How can I hold this in?

“I love you, too.” He sounds sad now. “Love, we’re almost to the airport. Do you want me to call you again once we’re through security? We don’t have to stop talking.”

I clear my throat. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. Just text me before you take off.”

“We’re both gonna be fine. I’ve gotta go. I love you.”

I feel my tears slowly trickling down my face and I don’t bother to wipe them away. “I love you. Bye.”

Then we hang up, and I can really start sobbing. Duke runs over, his ears perked up. He’s not sure why I’m crying and he hops up next to me, sticking his face by mine. When he starts licking my face, I stop him. I’d read something about how all bodily fluids post-chemo are essentially poison. I don’t want to get Duke sick, too. I can’t handle that. We can’t both be sick.

I pull Duke close to me and squeeze him as much as I can without hurting him. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, but I know I will, at least for now. I’ll have Em and my moms and Ash and Duke and everything will be fine. It has to be.

next chapter

a/n: spoiler next chapter will have a bomb drop hehehe

[tea-the-reconstructor]

hehehehehe new TTRPG just got delivered and oh my gosh it's so pretty

Eat the Reich by Rowan, Rook and Decard is genuinely one of the most stylish looking games I've seen in a hot minute, and while I've yet to have a chance to run a game, I'm obsessed with it nonetheless! The basic premise is that it's 1943, Europe is in flames during the 2nd World War, and you are all a part of a crack squadron of vampires being sent to occupied Paris to do one thing and one thing only; Drink all of Hitler's blood. There's a full list of the stuff I got and my thoughts below the cut.

It arrived in this really cool manila folder, like just look at the detail!! like this alone would be such a neat thing to have sitting on my desk just as a prop, but this is only the beginning

The book itself is nothing short of a masterpiece, and honestly the pictures do not do it justice. The title is done with a really nice glossy finish, the cover has an amazing texture along the bottom and back to give the sensation of dried blood. the inside also folds out!! that little slit in the front is a full piece of art, and it really sells the appearance of peering into a coffin. The style of the entire book is genuinely so crunchy and good and I wanna put it in my mouth-

There's also the bookmark, coin, and patches which, once again, are so stylish and feel so high quality. I've been just stimming with the coin since I got it, the patches are so bright and look so pretty, and the bookmark is just fantastic. Pretty much everything from this is something I'd genuinely wanna get tattooed on me. There is one more thing I got, arguably the most important piece from this entire set...

WE GOT PIN-UPS BABY WOOOOOOOOOO! So the game comes with six characters you can play as (there are options to make your own), and there are associated character sheets within the book, but good golly these got me blushin' up a storm so hard that they can all smell the blood in my cheeks. From left to right, top to bottom, we have: - Cosgrave, a hackney necromancer who's on the run from the undead mafia of East London, crooked, charming, and damn lucky. - Nicole, a resistance guerrilla fighter and demolitions expert. Turned by her girlfriend and packing hella heat, she wants to meet a glorious end in battle. - Iryna, the Old Money occultist and the black sheep of her clan, who provides a significant portion of the funding to F.A.N.G. - Chuck, a whole-ass-real-ass corpse eatin' cowpoke. Genuinely a sweetheart, if you can look past that bit. He's on this mission not just to survive, but to earn freedom after eating a county sherrif and half his deputy. - Astrid, an ex-fighter pilot that was bitten by something in the frozen taiga, now bearing the soul of a wild predator within her. - Flint, the half-human half-bat, all nightmare. He's a cave-dwelling hunter who may or may not talk, possibly because he's just shy. Each of the characters have their own unique traits, abilities and stuff and I wanna kiss them all so bad it's not even funny man they're all so goddamn fine I'd let them drink me dry for just a single chance to feel the sweet nip of their lips against my skin, like being granted by a mere glimpse of heaven while still on earth simply by the hand of some foul creature who has not seen the light of God in far too long for simply doing what they must to survive, just. I need help.

Anyway uh. Eat the Reich is a goddamn beautiful game, thank you Rowan, Rook and Decard for making hot nazi-killing vampires that have not paid rent within my mind despite occupying it since like August of last year.

[cuephrase]

Thank you so much for the comic recs!! I'm just getting started on my Batfam reading journey so this is super helpful, and I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on your current reads once you're further along. On a related (but opposite) note, anything you'd say to steer well clear of, like run for the hills, hazard sign attached, avoid if at all possible? (for example, I know All-Star Batman & Robin is something I shouldn't read outside of morbid fascination)

yeah ofc! getting into comics, in my experience, was super fun and sort of overwhelming because there's so much content lol, so i hope you're enjoying it and i'm happy to help however i can :)

OMG all-star batman and robin, i still need to read that to satisfy my own curiosity, but perfect example.

so okay, i have three runs + one arcs, but i'm going to preface this by saying, read whatever you want. all three runs and one arc, i read going into it knowing they were absolute messes, but i wanted to experience it for myself. i would say to not read these first, if possible, if you choose to read them because they're just not great intros to the characters and they're not great stories, imo. lose-lose

Red Hood and the Outlaws 2011 (New 52). if you like kory and/or roy, this will be torture. if you don't know who they are, please god do not meet this iteration of them first. but if you're interested in jason, maybe you want to read it because he's there! i get that. but. there's very little, if anything, in rhato 2011 that you'll learn about jason that isn't reiterated in rhato 2016/doesn't get flat out retconned in rebirth. for example, in rhato 2011, his origin story is him stealing from leslie's clinic. that wasn't his preboot origin, and his origin gets retconned back to his preboot origin of stealing the tires off the batmobile. most of rhato 2011 just had me like ???? so bad. just so bad.

Teen Titans 2011 (New 52). full transparency- i did not even finish this run. at some point, i will probably drag myself back to it and force myself through it, but oh god. no one felt like themself. everything was wrong. i like tim's n52 red robin costume, and that's about it. i'm also not sure how much if any of this run is currently relevant in canon so like, even less reason to put yourself through it.

Tim Drake: Robin 2022. i have nothing nice to say. wait. no i do. it got some really cool variant covers. i don't want to bash the art, because i have enjoyed this artist's style in other comics, so i'm just going to be diplomatic and say it was a horrible match/fit. . as far as the writing...no, just no. this is one of 2 pieces of fitzmartin's writing that i've read and so i don't want to speak too harshly, but i really didn't like it. this whole run makes me so sad ngl. dc canonized tim's bisexuality and then supported it with this? bro. c'mon. there's already so many homophobic comic readers, they didn't need to give them "it's bad writing" ammo. genuinely would love to know the though process behind the production of this comic

the infamous Ric Grayson era, Nightwing 2016 #50-74. i just read this. i've legit been putting it off since august. it is so mind-numbingly boring for 85% of the run, first off. this is literally how most of the issues go: "i was shot in the head. i don't remember anything after the night my parents died. they told me i used to a hero. nightwing. i don't remember that. or them. they act like they love me, but it feels fake. i don't want to remember them. i'm happier this way." and then he starts running around, superheroing with a slash of black greasepaint across his face because that is just a+ identity protection and regular clothes because superhero costumes totally only serve visual purposes. and it does all get resolved in the STUPIDEST WAY, but not before the joker takes control of him and has him referring to/responding to “dickie-boy”- reading this i was either bored out of my mind or dying from the cringe. all that’s relevant is a) he lost his memories, b) he gets them back, and c) he had a girlfriend, bea. i knew all of this before i subjected myself to this run. but now i can say i’ve read every nightwing run woooooo. my LCS (local comic store) guy has been trying to get me to read it as a “rite of passage” and he was so entertained when i came in and was like “i read ric” 😐🧍suffice it to say, i do not envy the nightwing fans who had to go through that in real time. i love travis moore’s art but it was not enough to save this arc

as for my thoughts on my current readings, i post those under the tag #cue first read reactions! they’re usually not all that in-depth tbh, just me freaking out haha. if you’re comfortable, my dms are open!

tysm for your ask + i hope you have as much fun reading batfam comics as i do!!

[nlghtshade]

♡ august & september 2022 favorites

hi !! sorry this is so late - work has been busy and with all the amazing fests and works coming out i'm falling behindddd - so i've put august and september together lol - enjoy !!! also shouting out these acts of fandom love author appreciation origami project by @crazybutgood and the @purpleloveawards ♡ always eternally grateful for this community

FIC

i’m bringing you as his present (2022, Gen, 335) by @justthingsfromsarah

draco gets dragged to beach by his friend

WIP Snip by @tenthousandyearsx

Draco sits down heavily on the sofa. Potter is fucking doomed. Potter is going to die unless he falls in love with Draco. Which means that Potter is going to die.

Because I’m Yours (2022, T, 184) by @makeitp1nk

I had my bridal shower yesterday, and there was a lot of talk about being chosen and choosing--how I chose well, and how telling it is that I was chosen by a picky guy. I am still basking in the glow of so much love, so this is where that came from. Hope you like it ❤️ Also for @drarrymicrofic prompt Dare

A little something by @basicallyahedgehog

A little something for my favourite @phoebe-delia. I love you endlessly, I hope this makes you smile:)

if the world was ending (2022, M, 4.2k) by @talkingtravesties

The world is ending again, but it's far less dramatic this time. Harry Potter tries to save the day. Draco wishes he wouldn't.

like freedom (2022, M, 4.3k) by @softlystarstruck & @babooshkart

Harry doesn’t know the exact moment his life changed. Maybe it was the day Draco Malfoy unwillingly turned up at his front door, or the moment the plane’s landing gear went up and London-Heathrow fell away below them. Maybe it was in the dusty swirl of red rocks and motel rooms somewhere between Tennessee and California. Maybe it wasn't a single moment at all, but a whole series of them, captured with Harry's camera.

//

The Sky in St Petersburg by @vukovich

whole vibe of the song "evelene" by quinn christophersen. especially the lines "I watch your hair blend in with the sky" and "You know my story same as yours" Note: Anon, you MUST be an Eagles in Truro reader. The music video for this song could be the end credits title. It’s fucking perfect, and I am so grateful to you for sending it to me. If, in fact, you are an EiT reader, and to anyone else who is, please read this story through the lens of “If Draco had taken the ICW plea deal.”

Draco’s Delicious Dilemma (2017, Teen, 5k) by @darkmagicalgirlwrites

Draco Malfoy bravely deals with new coffee shops, Harry Potter, low-sympathy coworkers, feelings, free muffins, Looks, and some extremely rude signage.

Fall to Grace (2014, NC-17, 5k) by cylsus

It's been three weeks since Harry and Draco broke up. Clearly, they should want nothing to do with each other, but being Auror partners makes that just a tad bit difficult.

Eighteen Again (2015, Gen, 6.6k) by dracogotgame

Draco gets a note from an old friend. Does Harry have more on his mind than just a friendly get together?

ART

♡ King Ron & Scabbers by @natello

♡ *Inserts 90’s teenage angst song* 💿⚡️ by @nowherelittlegirl

♡ Draco, what’s your hair care routine? by @rosalyfart

♡ in case anyone was wondering I am still in drarry hell :^) by @megasilly

♡ Padfoot & James by @quill-q

♡ Draco meets a masked deer by @mad1492

♡ Pansy + Draco by @biskueeee

♡ THE BOY WHO HAD NO CHOICE by @quwomg

♡ 🌕 🌕 🌕 by @trashcanprince

//

♡ some people never stop screaming by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm

♡ Potter OTPs by @karnivil

♡ Young Remus (Book ver) by @lorandesore

♡ Back to Hogwarts! by @alessiajontrunfio

♡ drarry by @fantalfart

♡ birthday art by @sweet-s0rr0w for @the-starryknight’s fic Siren Call (It's Not Love)

♡ remus lupin by @frogandthetadpoles

♡ Imperio by @lepra-art

♡ january ♡ february ♡ march ♡ april ♡ may ♡ june ♡ july

[linguenuvolose]

2024 goals - January progress

Looking back I've honestly been doing super well with my goals this month! I'm very proud! It's small steps but they are making me feel good and like I prioritize things that I value which ultimately is what I want. I've been feeling calmer in life this month, that the avalanche of life changes is slowing dow finally which feels so good! I have however also had a lot of doubts and sadness and stress so it's a lot of both. Currently I'm feeling scarred but happy but stressed but calm. All over the place insomma.

Goals progress under the cut because if there's one thing my linguist ass likes to do it's saying words.

Get back into a reading routine

I have read a bit this month but nothing extraordinary. I don't know if I should do some kind of discipline thing like I have to read on my way to work every day for a week, just to see what happens. I think that could work because I do enjoy reading but I fall out of habit with it.

Meet friends at least once a month (= get better at reaching out, would be cool to reach out to people I never really knew but always found cool too!)

I've honestly hung out with a lot of friends! One I reached out to and it was so nice to catch up and it felt normal and like no time had passed. He also said he was happy I had reached out and that we should try to meet again soon. I got to meet one of my boyfriend's friends and she was super cool and fun! And then I was invited to a birthday party with some friends that I hadn't seen since summer. It was good to reconnect with them and it feels like it makes the first step to reaching out to them again less daunting. I was also very proud of myself because I managed to buy a gift without freaking out which is a huge thing for me! I also already have 2-3 hangouts planned for February. I want to be careful though to not plan too much because I kinda did this time last year and it sent me into a panic so I have to balance just chilling some weekends too.

Do the damn exercises for my back :( (possibly start going to the gym or join a sport of some kind (I would love to do salsa or boxing))

I haven't been great at doing my exercises at all (I've done them maybe 2-3 times all month...) and my back has been hurting more/in a different way so I should get on that. I've gone to two salsa classes so far though! I'm so happy I signed up for the course! I don't know that it's necessarily doing anything for my back but I get to move one hour a week. I'm trying actively to have fun and enjoy moving my body so it's nice! I do think group classes are good for me. Like if I would've been like let me start going to the gym I'm not convinced that I would do it consistently. I'm thinking maybe I should find some other class once this salsa one is over..?

Get better at Portuguese (I find it so difficult to define a level because what is my level now even?)

I haven't worked super hard on this but I listened to a few episodes of Respondendo em voz alta one week. I also searched for some kinda indie music and made a playlist. I think I did some Duolingo but now I've downloaded Busuu again so I'm working through that again. I actually finished that whole course when I kinda speedran in back in August but there are so many things I don't remember so I want to do it more properly now. I want to find a way to practice what I learn better so that I actually retain it but it's difficult.

Get my license (my permit expires in a year so I kinda have to)

I had one lesson.... It went super well and it felt good but it's kinda just the thing of finding available times. For February a goal is to make my boyfriend do the course thing so I can drive with him. I should also start studying the theory honestly. It's time I think

Get back into the habit of going on walks

I went for one walk last Saturday when the weather was beautiful! This goal I think is honestly more of a "how many hours of sun is there in a day" than anything else. Of course I don't feel tempted to go for a walk in my low-key unsafe neighborhood at 8 pm when it has been dark for 4 hours and it's -5 c you know.

Go to the theatre more (youth discount my beloved) and also to some museums!

I haven't but I started following some theaters and museums on Instagram to keep a bit more up to date with their program and hopefully get inspired to go to stuff that interest me! I did go to a poetry event, a concert and a movie so I got some culture!

Improve my sleeping schedule

I've added this goal later because like second week of the year I said to myself it's not cute to always sleep too little anymore. And then I kinda just... had a mindset change, said to myself girl you should start going to bed earlier and now I sometimes do. Which is huge compared to before. I've noticed that often if I start preparing for bed earlier I expand the time and like start cleaning the kitchen and stuff so I don't necessarily sleep earlier but I think it's still good I start slowing down and rewind earlier. I still never ever sleep 8 hours on a workday but maybe bit by bit I will get there.

[iam93percentstardust]

Hello bestie!! Let’s have some fun 🤩

What fic do you want to ramble about? Tell me everything you love about it and all the behind the scenes stuff that we didn’t get to see.

If you could write an AU of one of your fics, what would it be?

What’s a story that you wrote that pushed you out of your comfort zone?

Fun! Reward for finishing grading! No longer having to look at the hopelessness of my students' assignment!!!!!

Ah, this is a mistake because I can (and have) gone on for several pages with behind the scenes stuff. Alas! The fic I want to talk about hasn't been published yet so I will find something else to talk about instead. Let's go with the high school AU hmm? Firstly, the amount of background information that went into this series is extensive. Most of it never even makes it into the fics, but I have the class schedules and clubs for every single student in the AU, teacher schedules for all of the classes, and miniature biographies for all of the main characters tucked away in a folder. All of this is worldbuilding that I worked on for close to three months before finally sitting down to write Invisible in January. The high school AU is one that has been sitting in the back of my mind since I first started thinking about the Alle's version series because it was so obvious to me what I was going to write with the cardigan/august/betty song cycle right from the start. At the same time, though, there was Miss Americana, which felt like a high school AU as well, but I feel like it's a concept I've already seen over and over again in the stevetony fandom, so I wasn't sure I wanted to write it. Then I was thinking about Natasha as a background character in the high school AU, maybe as Tony's sister, while I was watching CATFA, happened to look up while Bucky was talking about taking the girls out dancing and immediately went there's my Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince. And from there, the idea of twelve fics spanning ten relationships and four years just fell into place. The hardest fic to come up with was the one from the Evermore album. Thor and Bruce had just kind of... landed in that spot because everyone else fit an album so perfectly from Peter/Harley/MJ fitting into Debut to Pepper/Rhodey fitting Midnights. I felt kind of bad honestly about Thor and Bruce being slotted into Evermore just because it was the last album, but I didn't know where else to put them! And then it was even worse because I kept listening to the album multiple times, hoping to find a song that would jump out at me like this is the song for Thor and Bruce, but nothing was coming to mind other than gold rush, which I wasn't 100% sold on since I felt like it was also a very stevetony song. I did eventually come up with a plot that made me happy enough with gold rush that I no longer felt like I was just cramming them together, but it was definitely a process.

Alright, so straight up AU, I'm gonna go alllllll the way back to one of the very first fics I ever posted and say Brewed Awakening because I'd love to see a version of this fic where almost everything is the same but Tony is also secretly Iron Man and so there's some bonus identity porn thrown into the mix on top of Steve being secretly Captain America. So far as a different POV, I'd love to go back and do Steve's POV of All Too Well. It's a rough fic, and we only get Tony's perspective of the whole thing, and I think getting to explore what Steve was thinking during both his first relationship with Tony and then during his second when they had both matured would be a lot of fun.

I write a lot of things that push me out of my comfort zone, but this time I'm gonna go with Your Darkened Eyes. At the time, I'd never really written dark characters before. I had Hoist the Colors and Spoils of War, but those were both more dark-ish than they were actually dark characters. But with Your Darkened Eyes, I introduced this much darker version of Steve, who saw nothing wrong with seducing an underage Tony and then seducing his married counterpart as well, along with heavily implying that he had originally shown up with the intention of killing MCU Steve, and it was just a lot of fun for me to experiment with and step out of my comfort zone from my usual fluff and misunderstandings.