#i feel like im building a little mini story without actually writing it

[oceanwithouthermoon]

been thinking about kubosai with saiki meeting kuboyasus dogs again...

the dogs TEASING KUSUO for having an obvious crush on aren and they all think the two of them are either in a situationship, since theyre CLEARLY in love but dont really look like theyre dating, OR that theyre straight up dating but are hiding it cuz they havent told arens mom yet

"does he know you love him? have you told him?"

"i dont love him..."

"ಠ_ಠ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"i regret showing you that i can talk to you."

this from aren and his mom's perspectives is just kusuo having a staring contest with a dog and looking very annoyed for some reason lmao

[itneverendshere]

Just saw the new popular movie ’’This ends with us’’ and I beg of you to draw from the actual beautiful love story, so pure! So same concept of the love story: Pouge!Rafe has been kicked out by his mom and her abusive boyfriend, Kook!Reader sees him homeless & hiding. Reader does small acts of kindness, which builds up to a romance but they separate for whatever reason (could be because they get discovered, he joins the military, like the movie, or something different). It could also be reversed with Pouge!Reader instead being homeless, you pick! Years go by, Reader meets an abusive partner, she bumps into a now grown up Rafe. Lots of angst, lingering feelings and longing, he sees the signs of abusive and gets protective. But without the movie plots of reader getting pregnant and married) I adore and worship your writing skills, truly have a gift to make you feel all the emotions!! <3333333

invisible string - r.c series (one)

i loooove this request because pogue!rafe so i decided to turn into a mini series (two or three parts). im personally not a fan of it ends with us, but i love your requests bc it's still very different from the original plot.

pairing: pogue!rafe x kook!sweetheart!reader word count: 6k chapter warnings: domestic violence; absent parents; angst; fluff.

Rafe was born rough around the edges.

There was never any sugar-coating about it; with his hair always messy, sun-bleached and salty, and his hands perpetually stained with the grime of whatever job he'd taken up that week, Rafe Cameron had never known peace. He moved like a stray dog that had learned to fend for itself, his eyes always scanning for trouble. 

Most people kept their distance, and he liked it that way.

There wasn’t much softness in his life. His mom tried her best, he supposed, but that wasn’t saying much. She had a new boyfriend every few months, and they were all the same — mean, drunk, and looking for a fight. Rafe learned early on that if you couldn’t fight back, you were nothing. So he fought. A lot.

He fought the men who walked into their house at night, stinking of cheap whiskey and cigarettes. He fought the kids at school who called him trash, who mocked the way his clothes never quite fit or how he always seemed a little too hungry. But mostly, he fought himself — every time he looked in the mirror and saw his father’s eyes staring back at him. The man who left and never looked back. 

Another piece of shit. 

He kept his head down, kept his hands busy, and kept his mouth shut unless he had something to say. He wasn’t nice. Nice got you nowhere; nice got you used, broken, and left behind. He had seen it too many times to believe otherwise. The world wasn’t a kind place, and he wasn’t a kind guy. 

Most days, he’d finish work covered in sweat and salt, with just enough money in his pocket to get by. He'd dropped out of school years ago and head to the docks, sit on the edge, and smoke a cigarette while the sun dipped below the horizon.

The only real moment of peace he had.

Rafe took what work he could find — fixing up old fishing boats for the few Kooks who’d dare come down his side of the Cut, pulling shrimp nets in the dead hours of the morning, his back aching and his muscles screaming at such a young age, but at least it was better than being home. If he could call it that.

Home, where his mom was probably passed out again, where the latest loser she'd dragged in might be passed out on the couch or looking for a fight.

He could hear them shouting before he even got to the door. His mom’s voice screaming her throat out, and he could hear something crashing inside — a glass, maybe, or a plate. Then came the matching scream of the new boyfriend, Tony or Tommy or something — they all blurred together after a while. Rafe paused on the porch, his hand hovering over the door handle, debating whether it was worth going in at all.

Inside, she was standing in the middle of the living room, her face flushed, her blonde hair a mess. Tony stood over her, fists clenched, his face red and veins bulging in his neck. 

Rafe knew that look. 

He’d seen it before — seen it in a dozen men who thought they could push their weight around, thought they could break whatever they wanted.

“What the hell’s going on?” 

Tony turned, eyes narrowing. “None of your damn business, boy.”

Rafe took a step forward, his fists balling up instinctively. “If it’s in my house, it’s my business.”

His mom spun around to face him, her eyes wild and desperate. “Just stay out of it, Rafe. You always have to make things worse!”

He felt the sting of her words. He should be used to it by now. “I’m not the one who brought this piece of shit in here.”

That was all it took. Tony lunged at him, shoving him hard against the wall. Rafe felt the air rush out of his lungs as pain flared in his back. “You watch your mouth, punk,” Tony hissed, his face inches from his, his breath a disgusting mix of beer and god knows what.

“Or what?” Rafe shot back. If there was one thing he’d learned, it was how to keep his anger in check — at least most of the time.

Tony’s eyes flicked to his mom, like he was making a point, and she just stood there, watching. He’d lost his faith in her a long time ago but it still blew him away how she never lifted a finger to help him. 

“Get out,” she said finally, hand moving to point towards the bust-up wooden door.

“What?” Rafe blinked, caught off guard. He must’ve heard her wrong.

“You heard me. Get out!” She was shouting now, her voice high-pitched and desperate. “I can’t have you here, always stirring things up! You make everything worse!”

It had to be a fucking joke. He was the only one bringing in money to pay the rent, the only one who kept the house clean enough so it wouldn’t look or smell like someone died in there. Paid the hospital bills when they hit her too hard. He did everything, always. 

Tony shoved him again, harder this time, toward the open door. “You heard her. Get the hell out.”

Rafe stumbled backward, catching himself before he fell. He looked at his mom, his chest tightening in a way he hadn’t felt since he was a kid. “You’re really gonna choose him over your own son?”

She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Just go, Rafe. I can’t do this anymore.”

He forced himself to nod. He almost wanted to laugh. “Fine,” he muttered, pushing past Tony and heading for the door. “Don’t call me when he sends you to the hospital again.”

He didn’t look back. He couldn’t. The moment he stepped outside, the wind hit his face like a slap, the kind that made his eyes sting and his heart pound. Things had never gotten to this point before. He would’ve rather taken a beating then get kicked out. 

He walked, hands stuffed into his pockets. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he couldn’t go back. Not now. Not ever. He’d die before he begged his mother or Tony to let him in that shithole again. His feet took him along the edge of town, past the marina and the fishing docks, and eventually, he found himself in the wealthy part of town, near Figure 8.

It was ironic, almost funny.

The Kooks lived here, the ones who wouldn’t give him the time of day if they saw him on their streets. And here he was, a beat-up pogue, walking right through their territory, angry and suddenly so damn tired.

He spotted an old, abandoned house, sitting at the end of a street where the mansions stood tall and proud. He had walked by it a few times before and noticed it had been empty for years, the paint peeling off in strips, the windows boarded up, and the grass overgrown. He crossed the street, glancing around to make sure no one was watching, and pushed the broken gate open. The hinges squeaked loudly, proving just how long it had been since someone had been there.

The front door was unlocked; it opened with the slightest push. Inside, it smelled of dust and mold, but it was dry, and it was quiet. It was enough. He made his way to a small room in the back, what must have once been a kitchen. There was an old sofa left behind, covered in a dirty sheet. He pulled the sheet off, threw it in a corner, and sank onto the sofá, finally breathing properly. 

He stayed there, staring at the cracked ceiling and the empty walls, wondering how the fuck he was going to get himself out of this one. 

For the two next days, he moved carefully, quietly, in and out of the house. He didn’t want anyone to know he was staying there. He wasn’t getting his ass thrown into jail again. He found a way in through the back window, kept to the dimly lighted areas, and avoided the main roads. He didn't have much — a few changes of clothes, some cash from odd jobs, and his dad’s old pocketknife, the only thing he had left of the bastard.

It was on the third day that he saw you.

He was sitting on the front steps, having a cigarette, when he heard the sound of a bike chain clicking. He glanced up, and there you were — riding a yellow bike, hair pulled back, and eyes glued to him as you pedaled down the street.

He stiffened, quickly stubbing out the cigarette, his heart rate picking up. You were one of them, a Kook, from one of the mansions just a block away. He’d seen you before, always biking around town, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone.

He didn’t know you, didn’t even know your name, but he knew the type.

You saw him, too, and slowed your bike. His first thought was to get up and disappear back into the house, but he knew that would look suspicious. So he stayed put, trying to look casual, as if he belonged there.

You stopped a few feet away, still on your stupid bike, one foot on the ground to steady yourself.

“You live here?” You asked, not in a mean way, just curious.

Rafe’s jaw tightened. “Yeah,” he lied, “Why?”

You shrugged, “Just… didn’t think anyone did. Looks pretty empty.”

He tensed, waiting for you to say something like, “I’m going to tell someone,” or worse, to start asking more questions. But instead, you just gave him another curious look, nodded, and biked away.

Weird girl.

The next day, you were back. This time, you had a bag with you. He watched you approach, wary. You stopped in front of the house and took something out of the bag — a sandwich, wrapped in paper, and a bottle of water.

You held them out to him, a gentle smile on your face, “Figured you might be hungry.”

He thought maybe you were just trying to make yourself feel better, some Kook guilt thing, like feeding the stray cat in the alley so you could pat yourself on the back for being such a nice person.

And he hated that. Hated you for even thinking he needed your stupid charity. So he gave you every reason to leave him alone.

When you handed him that sandwich, he barely even looked at you.

He just grabbed it and then turned his back, heading into the house without another word. But the next day, you were there again. And the next.

He started making it obvious he didn’t want you around. He’d grunt when you said hello, roll his eyes when you tried to make small talk.

One time, you offered him an apple, and he snatched it out of your hand without a word, just to see if you’d get annoyed enough to leave. You didn’t. Like some fucking saint.

Instead, you kept coming back, like some sort of annoying, persistent fly he couldn’t swat away. Every time, your smile was a little nicer, your eyes a little more curious.

He didn't get it. Why the hell were you still trying? Didn’t you get it? He didn’t want you here. Didn’t want to talk to you. Didn’t need shit from a Kook.

“What’s your problem?” he muttered one day when you showed up with a bag of groceries.

You blinked, “What do you mean?”

“You keep coming back here like I asked you to. I didn’t. I don’t need your charity.”

You raised an unimpressed eyebrow, still not leaving. “I’m not doing charity. I jut figured you could use a little help.”

He scoffed, turning his back on you again. “I don’t need anything from you, princess.”

You hesitated, then placed the bag on the steps anyway. “Well, it’s here if you do.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes again. “Great. Another pity gift from the rich kid. Thank you so much,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

You clenched your jaw, but still didn’t leave. He expected you to finally get the hint, but you just shook your head and walked away.

The next day, you there you were. And the day after that. Always bringing something, always with that same annoying, stubborn smile.

By the end of the week, he was done. You rolled up with another bag, and before you could even open your mouth, he let out a loud groan, throwing his head back. 

"For fuck’s sake, don’t you have anything better to do than bother me every damn day?”

That was it — you snapped.

Your eyes flared, and you stepped in closer, voice getting louder. "Will you just eat the damn food before I throw it in your face?" You shouted, cheeks going red with frustration.

He blinked, caught off guard. He didn’t expect you to clap back.

You’d been silent and too sweet for his liking. Most Kooks would’ve run back to their fancy houses by now, but you were still standing your ground, fists clenched, breathing heavy. Cute.

He almost laughed. Almost. “What’s your deal? You think you’re some kind of hero bringing food to the poor pogue? You think you're gon' save me or something?”

You glared at him “I’m not trying to save you, jerk! I’m just trying to be a decent human! Maybe you should try it sometime!”

He stared at you, face set in a deadpan, but he felt something— something he hadn’t felt in a while. Respect, maybe? But for some reason, he didn’t tell you to get lost.

Instead, he snatched the bag out of your dainty small hand. “Fine. I’ll eat your stupid food. But don’t think this changes anything,” he muttered.

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms. “Oh, trust me, I don’t.”

You both stood there in this weird silence for a minute, glaring at each other. Then you shook your head, and smiled like you hadn’t read him to filth ten seconds ago. “See you tomorrow, Rafe.”

What? You knew his name?

He watched as you rode away and he realized he was grinning, just a bit. For the first time in weeks, he didn’t feel completely alone.

And somehow, that pissed him off even more.

Days turned into weeks, and you kept showing up, like a plague.

No matter how much Rafe grumbled, no matter how many times he rolled his eyes or muttered under his breath, you just kept coming back. It was always something small — fruit, a bottle of water, a warm meal in a container. Every time you showed up, you had that same stubborn look in your eyes, like you weren’t going to back down no matter how much he pushed you away.

He hated to admit it, but he started to look forward to your little visits. He hated even more that he noticed things about you. Like how your hair fell in your face when you leaned over to hand him something or how your laugh sounded when he said something sarcastic. He noticed the way you seemed to care, even when he made it clear he didn’t want you to.

One day, you showed up with a duffel bag. Rafe looked at you suspiciously as you parked your bike and slung the bag over your shoulder.

“What now?” he grunted, eyeing the bag like it might bite him.

He could tell you were nervous and that weirded him out even more. Since when could he read your mind? 

“I was thinking… maybe you’d want to come to my house. Just to shower and get some real rest. My parents are out of town, and y’know, you could use it.”

He stared at you like you’d grown another head. “You want me to come to your house?”

You nodded, looking a little unsure now, hands tightening around the bag’s strap, “Yeah. Just for a bit. I thought you might like a break from this place.”

He scoffed. “And why the hell would I want to do that? You think I’m gonna be some charity case you can parade around to make yourself feel good?”

You sighed, clearly getting frustrated. “No, Rafe. I just thought… I just thought you might want a hot shower. But if you don’t, that’s fine.”

He usually cleaned himself up near the docks, but the water was freezing during this time of the year. Every time it felt like his balls were going to drop to the floor. So yeah, a hot shower in a big mansion sounded tempting.

Even if he didn’t want to give you that satisfaction.

A hot shower… a real bed, even for a little while. He hadn’t had that in what felt like forever. He looked at you again, trying to figure out if this was some kind of sick twisted plan, but all he saw were those stupid glowing eyes staring him down like he’d be dumb to refuse you. 

“Fine,” he muttered, standing up. “But just for a shower. And if you try anything weird, ’m outta there.”

Your nose scrunched up, “As if.”

Your house was everything he expected from a Kook — big, clean, and way too fancy. He felt out of place the moment he stepped through the gigantic door, like he was tracking mud on a white carpet. You led him upstairs, pointing out the bathroom.

“You can use this one. Towels are in the cabinet, and I’ll leave some clothes outside if you want them.”

Rafe grunted in response, still unsure why he was even there. He went into the bathroom and locked the door, leaning against it for a moment. The place smelled like lavender or some other fancy soap he couldn’t name. He turned on the shower, and the hot water poured out instantly, filling the room with steam.

He stripped off his dirty clothes and stepped under the water, hissing as the heat hit his skin. But then he relaxed, letting the water wash away the grime, the salt, the exhaustion he’d been carrying for so long. He stayed under the spray longer than he should have, almost losing track of time.

When he finally got out, he saw the clothes you’d left outside the door — a plain t-shirt and sweatpants, nothing flashy, but clean. He put them on and headed back downstairs, finding you in the kitchen, making coffee.

You looked up when he entered, “Feel better?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

You handed him a cup of coffee, and he took it reluctantly, still waiting for the catch. But you just sat across from him at the kitchen island, sipping your own cup, not saying anything.

He found himself watching you, noticing the little things again.

The way you tucked your hair behind your ear, the way your fingers tapped against the mug when you were thinking. He hated that he was noticing, hated that he found any of it interesting. He took a sip of the coffee and scowled when it tasted good, because of course it did.

“You do this shit for everyone?” he asked, breaking the silence.

You looked at him, “What do you mean?”

“This.” He gestured around. “Invite random guys to your house, make them coffee, act like you care.”

You laughed, a light sound that made his chest feel weird. “No. Just you.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, so he just looked away, taking another sip of coffee. He didn’t do nice. He wasn’t used to nice. This was weird.

You kept doing these little things for him — small acts of kindness he didn’t ask for and definitely didn’t deserve. You’d leave extra food by the house when you knew he’d be there, sometimes even a blanket or a pillow you said you didn’t need. You’d offer to let him use the house again, and every once in a while, he’d accept, hating how much he craved the simple comfort of a shower or a bed.

And all the while, he stayed the same — gruff, sarcastic, always trying to push you away with his attitude. But you didn’t go. You took his crap and came back.

One night, after a particularly rough day where everything seemed to go wrong, he found himself standing outside your house again. Your parents were out of town again, and he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He hated that he was here, hated that he needed this, but he knocked anyway.

You opened the door, your face lit up with that familiar smile. “Rafe,” you said, voice warm. “Come in.”

He liked the way his name sounded on your lips.

He hesitated, but he did. You led him to the living room, and he noticed a few things this time — the family photos on the walls, a vase of flowers on the table, the soft throw blanket on the couch.

Your home was nothing like his, but it felt… safe.

They sat in silence for a while, and he noticed how you didn’t bother him with questions, didn’t try to fix anything. You just sat there, close but not too close, letting him breathe. He found himself looking at you more, catching the way your lips curled up at the corners, how your eyes seemed to soften whenever they landed on him. He felt something strange, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

He sat on that big couch, staring at his busted-up hands, trying to ignore the way his heart pounded in his chest. You were just a few feet away, eyes flicking over to him now and then, like you were waiting for him to speak. But he didn’t know what to say.

He felt… uncomfortable. Not because of the place, or you. No, never because of you. But because of this strange feeling that kept crawling up his spine, making him feel restless.

You were sitting on the arm of the chair, legs tucked under you, looking at him with that familiar, gentle expression that made him feel like maybe he wasn’t such a screw-up. He didn’t know what to do with that. You were the kind of girl who should have nothing to do with him. Yet here you were, again and again, showing up, like you didn’t know any better.

He cleared his throat, trying to push back whatever weird tension was building between you. “So… your parents,” he muttered. “They’re out of town a lot?”

You nodded, sighing, “Yeah. They travel for work. I’m used to it.”

“Must be nice,” he said, but his voice came out rougher than what he was going for. He didn’t know how to do gentle and he was still half-convinced you were going to kick him out or tell him you had enough of his crap.

“Sometimes,” you replied, “But it gets lonely, too.”

He wasn’t expecting that. He glanced at you trying to read you. He knew you weren’t looking for sympathy; you were just stating a fact.

He wasn’t sure what made him ask, but he did anyway. “Why do you keep helping me?”

You blinked, caught off guard. “I— I don’t know. I guess… I just see something in you. Something good.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “There’s nothin' good in me.”

“There is,” you insisted. “I see it. Even if you don’t.”

He felt his chest tighten, and he had to look away. “You’re wrong.”

“Maybe,” you said quietly, “but I don’t think so.”

He feel your eyes on him, could feel the way his pulse was racing under his skin. He hated it. Hated that he wanted to believe you, wanted to feel whatever it was you seemed to see in him.

“You’re too good,” he muttered. “Too good for someone like me.”

You laughed softly. “You don’t know me as well as you think, Rafe.”

He glanced up, surprised by the boldness in you. You were so soft most days it always threw him off when you took the reins. You were closer now, leaning forward just slightly, eyes fixed on his. He felt that breathtaking tension tightening again.

Before he could think better of it, he spoke, voice coming out meeker than what he was going for, “You really think there’s somethin' good in me?”

You nodded, not taking your eyes off of him for a second, “Yeah, I do.”

He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. He didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know what possessed him, but before he could stop himself, he reached out, his hand finding yours. You didn’t pull away. Didn’t flinch in fear or scrunched up your nose in disgust.

Instead, your fingers tightened around his, and his breath caught in his throat.

“Why?” he asked again, desperate.

 “Because I just do.”

Something snapped in him then, something he’d been holding back for too long. He moved closer, his other hand reaching up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your delicate skin. You didn’t pull away again, only leaning into his touch. 

He hesitated, just for a moment. “I’m not— I-I’m not a good guy,” he murmured.

You smiled again, softer this time, the way he hoped you only did for him, “I don’t need you to be.”

He didn’t get it, but he didn’t have time to figure it out.

He leaned in and kissed you. It was clumsy at first — just a touch of lips, a bit hesitant. But then you kissed him back and suddenly he understood those stupid cliché novels his mom used to read when he was younger. He’d never kissed anyone before. 

He was too aware of how inexperienced they both were, of the way his lips barely brushed against yours. He felt stiff and unsure, like he didn’t know if he was doing it right. But it felt right. It wasn’t smooth or perfect — there was hesitancy and uncertainty, but it was real. He felt your hand touch his cheek, your fingers warm and trembling just a little.

His hand slid from your cheek down to your neck, pulling you closer, fingers curling into your hair. He couldn’t get enough. It was messy, frantic, his heart racing like it was trying to break out of his chest, and for once, he didn’t care. He felt your breath hitch against his lips, the warmth of you pressing into him, and all the walls he’d built up, all the reasons he’d given himself to push you away, disappeared. 

Your hands found their way to his chest, fingers gripping the fabric of his old shirt like you didn’t want to let go, and that did something to him. Made him feel more alive than he had in a long time. Every time he kissed you, it was like he was drowning in you, like nothing else mattered except for this — your lips, your skin, the way your body pressed against his.

He pulled away, just for a second, eyes wide and breathing heavy, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

He looked at you, cheeks flushed, lips swollen and wet from the kiss, and damn, you looked beautiful. More beautiful than he ever let himself admit before.

But then you smiled, that same heart-shattering smile, and it was like you were pulling him back in, “You don’t have to be afraid,” you whispered.

“I’m not…” he started, but even he didn’t believe it. Because he was. He was terrified as hell of this, of you, of the way you made him feel like he wasn’t a complete mess. But before he could say more, you kissed him again, and this time, he didn’t hold back.

He didn’t think about what he should or shouldn’t be doing, didn’t overanalyze the way his hands moved from your waist to your back, pulling you closer until there wasn’t any space left between you. You melted into him, your body warm and soft, like you belonged there and he felt like he was burning up from the inside out.

His hands roamed, exploring, memorizing the curve of your waist, the way your body fit so perfectly against his. Every little sound you made, every breathless gasp, made him feel like he was on fire.

You broke apart again, both of you panting, and he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed, trying to catch his breath.

“This is crazy,” he muttered, his voice all shaky.

You giggled, the sound making his chest tighten in the best way.

“Maybe. But I don’t care.”

He opened his eyes, staring into yours, and he knew you meant it.

You didn’t care about the Kook vs. Pogue thing, about the stupid rules that had been drilled into them from birth. You just cared about him. He didn’t know how to let himself want something good, something real. But he wanted you. God, did he want you.

From that night on, everything changed. 

You started seeing each other in secret, meeting up when your parents were out of town or sneaking off to some hidden spot by the beach at night where no one would find you. Every time he saw you, it was like a high he couldn’t get enough of. You’d kiss, talk, hold each other like you were the only two people in the world, and he’d forget about all the shit in his life. Forget about the fact that he was supposed to be a screw-up who didn’t deserve someone like you.

You sat side by side at the dock, feet dangling just above the water, the tips of your shoes barely touching the surface. Something was calming about the sound of the gentle waves lapping against the dock, the world feeling small and distant for once, like it was just the two of you.

He leaned back on his hands, staring out at the horizon, not saying much. He’d been quiet today, more so than usual. You nudged him lightly with your shoulder.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

He snorted, shaking his head slightly. “You don’t want ‘em. They’re not worth much.”

You rolled your eyes, nudging him again. “C’mon. You’ve been quiet all day. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He hesitated, glancing down at the water, his fingers curling into the wood of the dock. He was biting back whatever was eating at him. He wasn’t the type to open up easily, you knew that, but he wanted to, for you. You wanted to know him, all of him, not just the fake exterior he put up for everyone else to see.

“You ever think about… like, how different your life would be if shit didn’t go so sideways?” he asked, his voice low, almost like he wasn’t sure he wanted to say it out loud.

You frowned, turning to face him, “What do you mean?”

He exhaled sharply through his nose, running a hand through his hair.

“My mom, she… she used to date these losers. Real pieces of shit, y’know? Guys who’d roll through, thinking they owned the place, treating me like I was some kind of burden just because I was around.”

It wasn’t easy for him to say it, but he was doing it anyway, like the words had been stuck inside him for years.

“She didn’t really care what they did. As long as they paid for her booze, she was cool with whatever. They’d knock me around sometimes, tell me I wasn’t worth shit. But she never did anything about it.” He paused, swallowing hard, his gaze fixed on the water because he couldn’t look at you. “One of ‘em got real bad. Fucker hit me so hard one night, I thought I was gonna pass out. And when I told her… she didn’t care. Told me I was a liar. Said I probably deserved it.”

“Rafe…” you whispered, reaching out to take his hand. He didn’t pull away this time, just let you hold it, his fingers squeezing yours a little too tightly.

“I tried to stick it out,” he continued, his voice quieter now. “Tried to stay for as long as I could. But one day, she kicked me out. Told me I was too much trouble, and she didn’t need me around anymore.” He laughed, but it was hollow, bitter. “I guess I wasn’t worth the space I took up.”

You were quiet. He liked that about you, that you didn’t try and get his thoughts out of his head, just let him do his thing, on his own time. There was nothing that could make up for the kind of pain he’d been through. You just squeezed his hand tighter, and he just knew you wished you could take some weight off his shoulders.

“That’s why you were in that house?” You brushed your lips against his shoulder.

“Yeah.”

It was hard for him to talk about this stuff. Hell, it was hard for him to talk at all when it came to anything real. You just sat there, holding his hand, being there. That was what made you different. Most people didn’t wait for him. They’d get frustrated, give up, move on.

You just... stayed. And that scared him almost as much as it comforted him.

“You didn’t deserve that.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter. Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”

You shifted closer, your knees touching his now. “It matters to me.”

He didn’t understand how you could look at him like that, like he was worth something.

“You knew my name.”

You nodded, “You delivered fresh seafood to the house once.”

His eyes nearly popped out from their sockets, “I was fourteen.”

“Yeah?”

“And you remembered that?”

Your brows shot up like he’d said the dumbest thing ever. “Obviously.”

His breath caught, and before he could stop himself, he reached out, pulling you into his lap. His hands found your waist, desperate, almost frantic, holding onto you like you were the only thing keeping him grounded.

"You shouldn’t—" he started, but the words died on his lips because you were already kissing him, and it was like everything stopped. The world, his thoughts, all the shit that weighed him down. It was just you, your lips, the way your hands tangled in his hair, and the soft sounds you made against his mouth.

He kissed you harder, more urgently, like he was trying to prove something to himself — that he could have this, that he could deserve this. His hands slid up your back, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you. His lips moved against yours and he felt like he was falling apart and putting himself back together all at once.

When he pulled back, just enough to look at you, his chest was heaving, and you were looking at him with that same softness that made his stomach twist.

"How—How the hell did I get this lucky?" His voice cracked, just a little. He hadn’t meant to say it, but the words spilled out anyway. 

You smiled, brushing your thumb across his cheek, and he realized then that his face was wet. He hadn’t even noticed the tears slipping down, hadn’t noticed the way he was trembling.

"You deserve this" you whispered. 

That was it.

That was the breaking point. A choked sob escaped him, and before he could stop himself, he crashed his lips against yours again, kissing you so hard it hurt, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t get enough of you, couldn’t hold back the way he felt like he’d been waiting his whole life for this moment. For you.

His hands cupped your face, fingers trembling as he kissed you again and again, like he was afraid you’d disappear if he stopped. 

And as his tears mixed with your kiss, he realized that for the first time in his life, he wasn’t running.

He wasn’t pushing you away. He was falling, hard and fast, and he didn’t care. Because for once, he was exactly where he wanted to be.

[ganondoodle]

i know i said i wouldnt be ranting about totk anymore, but i realized i didnt really count the sage dungeons as story (dont ask me why) so i thought im gonna write a better summarized version of my opinion about totk (i have around 60% of the game, all lightroots, not yet all shrines (missing like .. 20 or so, know the reward), not all krogs (dont know the reward), not all mayoi (half know the reward?) )

(in no particular order)

good stuff (in my opinion)

the. MUSIC! god the music is good, it was good in botw too but now with much more different bosses it really is probably one of my fav soundtracks of all time (most fav are all three phases of the end fight, the pre-fight to that, the build up one before all of those, Frosgeira (wind tempel boss) the glorious mASTER KOGA and more tbh)

the build up and end boss fight(s) are fantastic, i dont think im ever not gonna have my heart racing when approaching it (despite now skipping almost the entire way bc i set a teleport thing right before it) just bc the build up is so well made and the music(again) is such a banger and the fight(s) itself is so fun too, tbh i keep wanting to play it just bc its so fun

i LOVE how many themes play into the music (endfight alone had so many layers, fav probably is ganondorfs classic theme and calamity ganons both in the same piece among much more, and daruks theme in the fire temple)

(edit) YOU. CAN. TOUCH. DA. DRAGONS!!!!

ganondorf

ganondorfs design (x3)

ganondorfs weapon designs

ganondorfs voice (japanese)

everyone elses voice (japanese)

all voices (german)

thE YIGA!!! i love everythign about them and am so happy they got to be more than just some mini mission

(edit) also the fact that they get zonau tech to work without any special ghost powers is so ????

(edit) koga can summon and use zonau tech unlimited?? hes so cool

NO stealth mission!! (as far as im aware)

bosses are very different from each other

main dungeons are not too short and not too long and mostly fun (mostly bc i personally didnt like the gerudo one), i love that you can still somewhat cheese them and do them your way

sages felt like they got a bit more involved

(edit) you gotta do more stuff before getting to the actual dungeons and i really like that, feels less like a fetch quest but that you are actually helping

(edit) each sage is actually there in the dungeon and is required for it, which is great!

each settlement saw a much bigger danger/change (tho that has more impact if you have played botw) and its problems felt much more real

shrines are well varied tho i think overall a little easy (only got stuck on two so far and later solved them easily bc when i first started them i was tired and exhausted, no brain left lol)

NPCs felt less flat + more bigger sidequests that felt like they had more impact

cool new monsters + designs

the underground was pretty appropiately creepy

the sages abilities are neat

you can refight bosses!!

stable points system is a neat way to encourage you using them

weapon fusing is neat

(edit) the forest of the krogs being corrupted like that is both creepy and a neat nod to oot

(edit) the vai gerudo outfit being gone!! (one) evil has been defeated

(edit) the health bar going so far off the middle in ganondorfs second phase is honestly just funny hnjdfdjk unfortunate that you only need the master sword and with a few perfect dodges his health melts like butter in the summer

(edit) the music when dragondorf transforms sounds so sad .. its probably meant as a oh no world is actually ending sad but i like to think of it as a oh god what did he do to himself sad

the scene where rauru seals ganondorf kinda fruity

(graphic, animations and the overall world is still fantastic)

bad stuff (in my opinion)

everything zonau they feel forced into every bit of the world and its history (i know them being somewhat alien is intentional but not like that) it feels crammed into places they werent before and shouldnt be and it makes it all feel very artificial

the glyphs/dragon tears/memories really ruined alot for me, while it gave you insight as to what happened, it felt like it showed you too much and too little at the same time and i think it would have worked better if it was all in text for once if even at all, so the past stil stayed a mystery and youd be left wondering

timetravel .. really wasnt necessary and felt more like an excuse to get rid of zelda + make her the poor little sacrificial girl again + and to make her turning into a dragon as tragic as possible, like nothing but a stepping stone to the big reveal tm

shiekah tech being not just fully irrelevant but practically erased, wiped off the world (i know about the literally last guardian parts in hateno, it feels more like an oversight tbh, purah technically using it ... tho i dont think she ever calls it that, the purah pad is jsut the sheikah stone but worse), there being no good explanation, no remains, nothing as to why it would suddendly stop working and why even the titans and ESPEICALLY the shrine of life would be destroyed, if anything why wouldnt you enshrine it as a memento to history it was such a focus in botw and so well integrated into the world that it being fully gone, not even old overgrown, or visibly reused to build homes etc., or remains of how they built the og shrines in the underground feels like a HUGE missed opportunity (seriously it would have been so easy to make the ancient shiekah base their tech on old zonau tech, without stealign the gocus but buildign a connection)

all of the continuity problems, totk feels like botw didnt happen and the excuse of 'they didnt want to confuse new players' doesnt make a lick of sense in my eyes bc; its supposed to be a sequel, if you want it to be a standalone game then dont call it a sequel- if you start to play a game with the sequel instead of the first part its your own damn fault if you get confused; if anything, it would have been a good opportuntiy to make people interested in botw so theyd buy and play that one too

ganondorfs character is very flat, you basically get to know nothing about him (yuno even calls that out midgame but its never elaborated upon nhgfrdfhkk)

the zonau and their kingdom of hyrule is presented as this so perfectly good thing to such a degree it turns creepy, the end cutscene with mineru going poof was kinda uncomfy to watch tbh

the reward for all shrines being essentially a reveal as to who the hero in the tapestry was and it being, of course, some weird half zonau is the lamest answer to a mystery i didnt want an anwser too, it doesnt feel like it came naturally either (again my point of the zonau being forced into everything)

the shrines (zonau) feel so much more unnatural than the shiekah shrines, alien in a bad way and not in a good way + really are like a bad reskin of them, their sudden appearance and use is so much less logical

back in botw i was doubtful of if the shiekah tech wasnt going to far too modern tech and cause it all to feel like a bad mix of modern tech and medival fantasy, but they balanced it perfectly (tho the eponator zero was very much the limit imo) but the zonau tech .... oversteps that line i think, it really does feel, more than anything else, that it was just bc they wanted the stuff to be in there bc it might be fun to play around with, im not against that kind of stuff mind you im all for fun, but it feels a little like they thought of a box with endless stuff to play with first and a zelda game second (if you get what i mean)

quite a few quests or things in the game seem like they are more and then end in a dead end (the worst of all is impa saying she wants to go research what could help zelda turn back, and i was excited and convinced that shed give me a quest to find some mcguffin that would do that after i beat ganon but there wasnt anything you could actually do; less bad one but disappointing nonetheless the dongos were mentioned and treated like this big awesome thing from alot of NPCs all around the map and then when you find them they are bascially just gem vending maschines)

the way zelda turns back and link gets his arm back is incredibly unsatisfying, none of them even have something like a scar, or mark from it all, zelda spent thousands of years as a dragon (a transformation that was said to cost your soul but i guess that wasnt true) and link had his arm bascially eaten by miasma and he gets it back like it was never lost, zelda returns all intact as if nothing happened, getting blasted by some magic tm by two ghosts that were supposed to be long gone is the solution to all problems!!

(edit) link losing an arm wouldnt just be super intersting but also lend itself well to lead up into the next game where his prothesis is the focus and source of abilities

(edit) zelda got done so dirty, instead of her actual interests and character to shine she just gets shoved into yet another crisis surrounded by strangers in a world that looks like hers but isnt, and all she does is beg the ancient sages to swear to help link and sacrifice herself again (can you call that fridging? bc she sure feels like she got fridged) i like zelda and i dont like how much i didnt care about her and tbh im angry at the game for that

(edit) both link and zelda not even slightly changing in the years btween botw and totk kinda boring, like a haircut can only do so much

(edit) sonia really is the wife that dies to make husband sad thing isnt she? i get that gan had to get his hands on an enigma stone but i feel like there had been better ways to do that, the fact that she dies that easily is almost funny honestly, why does ganondorf even have weapons when he can just one punch people to death (tho i find it funny to imagine he can literally just kill people in one punch but hes too prideful to do it most of the time so he always uses weapons to look more cool)

(edit) so many new characters that you barely get to see or interact with, i really ... couldnt get myself to care much

(edit) zonau tech being so irrelevant to the games story while its also the focus is .. weird, its really just play doh for the players and nothing else honestly

(edit) monsters mining sonanium feels strange bc ... they dont do anything with it? the best thing i can think of is that they were told to do that so link cant .. upgrade his battery thignies? but then again you could just destroy the mines and remaining constructs to stop it .... also you really dont need anything zonau tech related to beat gan?

(edit) ganondorf beign so utterly uninterested in their tech is weird considering how he dealt with shiekah tech (and we KNOW it can get corrupted) he should be a tech nerd tbh

my twitch VoD of the first time beating the game getting muted at the credits despite me talking over it

nitpicks (in my opninion)

(edit) ganondorf should have a bit more of a boar inspired design, as treat, i think

(edit) the enigma stone wandering back to ganondorfs forehead even after transforming is? weird? i guess an excuse for da epic last stabby but still? (how cool would it have been to have to plunge into his mouth and break it there or something)

(edit) the underground gets a lil old after a while, the fact that its pretty much the same everywhere aside from some .. very strange flowing magma is a lil boring

(edit) ganondorf could have gone way more crazy with abilities and all that, imagine hed spwan multiple miasma arms on himself when you get him to a certain level of health

(edit) i miss unique weapons, there arent even normal axes around anymore, everything is about fusing really, i miss the cool shiekah tech weapons

(edit) the forest of the krogs being largely irrelevant is kinda weird

(edit) mineru being the sage of spirit still is kinda meh, the robot is neat but i thought tauro or purah would be the surprise sage tbh

(edit) the bosses were a little easy (i did boldo gohma rather early and did it without even getting hit)

you cant talk to koga normally :(

you cant find koga again after the last fight :(

you cant refight him (to my knowledge) :(

i find it very strange that yuno seemingly lost daruk shield, despite him having inhereted it in botw

the sage powers are not .. very great integrated, while its fun to haven them run around and help you fight, to actually use their powers you have to chase after them, something that in the heat of a battle is very annoying to do, constantly activating the wrong on or them losing their charge up when they get knocked over is like trying to herd a wild pack of geese while a three headed dragon is shotting laserbeams at you

some widlife just disappearing all of the sudden is very strange (like the rhino in hebra)

some new houses or settlements would have been cool, that the material things at the sides of roads are really only for you to play around with and not to build anything that lasts

you cant fight ganondorf (non dragon, even the dragon is locked to that evening sky) in the sunlight, night or rain, i would have loved to fight him at various times of day

their refusal to show any kind of blood is honestly turnign serious scenes into very awkward ones, sonia just getting punched and she dies with not even like, losing some spit from the force or something, or the fact when you defeat ganondorfs second phase he acts mortally wounded but doesnt even look scratched is just :/

amiibo stuff while neat being included its really mostly just bloating your inventory, if i wanted 5 vaguely different link outfits then i would have gotten the amiibo for it

why hide the -now-totally-not-phantom-ganon-armor- behind such a long questline and then .. have that NOT be upgradable

they put in a house building thingy and then not let you have a roof or a tree or something :(

at some point stable points jsut get you more and more of those free staying over night tickets that i maybe used .. once at the very start and now its just accumulating in my inventory

only one new horse coat pattern :(

satori now only being a thingy that shows you caves is kinda boring, i loved the mystery around it in botw (additionally, that it shows you caves you have completed already kinda sucks)

the end of the shrines isnt that cool anymore, speaking to a mummified monk that gives you essentially his last remains of life energy is so much cooler than a statue of the oh so awesome god king and his wife

the many references and reuse of old names is neat but together with timetravel etc. it easily leads to confusing and fighting among fans for who is more 'right' and its just .. tiring

(edit) considering how much of the advertising was about the sky islands i wished there were more and bigger ones, the underground (that was a little one sided after a while, it all looking the same rly) could have been alot smaller if the sky was bigger instead

(edit) i wished there was more of a sense of .. lost life in the ruins you find, from all races, the ancient ruins are jsut some bridged and ceremonial stuff and i wished there were more like .. houses, like people actually lived there and it not being all around beign a platform for you

(edit) the fact that the half zonau hero exists mean either rauru and sonia had kids but those were clearly not important enough to ever show nor mention, or there were other mixing of them before they all mysteriously died out the fact that the ancient hero was half zonau means their genes survided till then but somehow it never came up? the tapestry still exists and impa and purah say like its a well known fact that the hero looked like that (not at all close to any modern species) when you talk to them while wearing it (the fact that the hero armor thingy is very reminiscemt of ganondorf is like some backtreading bc we were theorizing about the hero having been ganondorf once and they wanted to stop that .. but the more funny thing is the HC of its a descdendet of rauru and ganondorf nhjdfknhdgkfnhkfd) (edit to add to the HC; the game being a big battle about child support is funnier than it should be idk if nintendo knew what they were doing adding details like that)

all in all it just feels like missed opportunities, lost potential, and more a game build around some game mechanics they really wanted to get into than telling a neat story, espeically so bc they called it a sequel, most of my complaints wouldnt be there if it was some alternate thing instead

i probably forgot stuff but if i think of more i will add them later with a little note that it was added in an edit (sidenote, i find it funny how much more nuance that whole conflict would get if rauru and ganondorf were bitter exes bfdrjfbdfndk)

[petalsrdead]

LOVE WITHIN VILE RICHES

pairing: tobio kageyama x female reader (hinata, yachi, tsukishima, tadashi, two original female characters, and parents of both you and kageyama featured)

word count: 2,209 words

summary: your fathers are business partners, so you two have known each other forever, but have always hated and competed to see who was the best. high school graduation has come and gone, and you and tobio decide to face any feelings and hatred you have for each other one on one

warnings: 18+, smut!!, arguing, angst, swearing, bully!kageyama(kinda???), underage drinking (for americans, not those with 18+ drinking ages), kageyama is smart unlike in the manga & anime, oral (f receiving), praise kink, praising in general, some fluffy aftercare,

a/n: this is my piece for @bakugohoex ‘s rich boy collab. read everyone’s pieces here! congrats on the milestone ria! also thank you to @fallxngstarr for helping me with the title for this and beta reading! also if this seems rushed im sorry! work has been kicking my butt.

the idea of another party between your two families had your head reeling. tobio kageyama was your worst nightmare, and even though your fathers were business partners and friends since junior high, their two children couldn’t get along to save their lives. kageyama always picked on you when one of your mothers watched both of you. he pulled your hair, took your toys, ate your snacks… your mothers joked it was just a way of showing that he liked you.

as the two of you got older and went to school together, you competed academically. the two of you were born four months apart, kageyama being the eldest, so you were in the same class quite often. you both wanted to prove you could be the heirs of the business your fathers worked so hard to build, and you just had some unspoken competition with one another.

you’re both 18 now and having a joint high school graduation party. you were head of the class, tobio right behind you, so everyone was ecstatic. the party was both of your families, friends, and business partners.

it’s a hot summer day, lemonade and watermelon set out for the guests to enjoy. you smooth down your sundress and stand at the door of the kageyama’s mansion.

though your fathers are the heads of the business, kageyama’s dad is the technical ceo, and since he already came from money, it made sense that they lived where they did. kageyama’s mother greets your family at the door, pulling everyone in for hugs.

“(y/n)! you look so stunning! that dress is beautiful!” his mother beams, smiling at you.

“thank you mrs kageyama! i bought it just for today!” you run your hands down the front of it again and smile.

“tobio is in the game room if you’d like to see him.” his father says.

‘that’s not really a suggestion.’ you think to yourself, but nod and excuse yourself, heading into the game room down the hall.

you can hear him yelling, probably at hinata as you walk through the open door. he’s playing some type of combat game.

“dammit hinata! im down!” he yells, slamming his controller against his thigh.

you stand behind him as he sits on the couch and look around the space. he’s got every gaming console a boy could ever want or need, a huge tv, and an amazing surround sound system. a large sectional fills up the room with a mini fridge in the corner.

you walk towards tobio, your nerves kicking in as you step into his view.

“fuck. gotta go hinata. the bitch is here.” he mumbles and throws off his headset.

you wave and smile softly at him, trying to be friendly. “congratulations tobio… i heard about the volleyball commitment—“

“shut up. gods you’re really annoying you know that? why are you even in here? i don’t want to see your stupid face.” he huffs and stands up, walking out of the room.

your smile instantly falters, as you fall into the couch where he was sitting. you play with the hem of your dress as you try and hold back tears. memories of him pushing you off the swings or into his pool when you couldn’t swim without a life preserver surface your mind.

“why is he so mean to me…?” you whisper.

——————————————-

everyone’s family and friends finally arrive, the adults in the kitchen and on the patio drinking wine, and the kids in the pool. shoyo, yachi, tadashi, tsuki, and kageyama are swimming, splashing each other and playing cliche pool games. you’re sitting in the jacuzzi, relaxing along with two of your friends.

“do you think kei will let me suck him off tonight?” your friend chizo whispers, staring at the blonde in the pool.

you scoff. “i doubt it. he’s as much, if not more of an asshole than tobio…”

“well, i think tadashi and i have a shot before summer ends!” your other friend namiko beams.

“i can’t believe kageyama actually agreed to both of you coming over here…” you say, sliding out of the jacuzzi and sitting on the edge of it, sliding your feet back in.

“well, we are your friends and this is a joint graduation party…” chizo mumbles.

“hey guys!” yachi yells, waving and running over to the jacuzzi.

“you wanna play truth or dare and spin the bottle with the rest of us?! i didn’t think it was fair being the only girl…” she mumbles.

namiko and chizo are practically flying out of the hot tub to dry off and get dressed. you just shrug. “i guess were in.”

yachi jumps up and down and claps. “yay! okay everyone’s meeting in the game room in ten minutes, see ya!”

she runs off again, most likely into the house to go make out with hinata.

————————-

“namiko, truth or dare?” tsukishima asks, expression as hard as always.

your group is downstairs in the game room, bottles and cans of alcohol scattered around, playing the first round of truth or dare.

“um! dare!” she bites her lip as she looks at the blonde.

“i dare you to make out with tadashi.” namiko and tadashi both gasp, cheeks flushing as they look at each other.

they’re sitting next to each other and their lips desperately collide, the desire for each other obvious through their actions.

“okay. you two can stop now…” chizo mumbles, rolling her eyes.

tadashi and namiko laugh, looking at each other. “okay, (y/n)! truth or dare?”

you shrug and smirk. “how about a dare?”

namiko smirks and looks at you, then kageyama, then back to you. “i dare you to spend seven minutes in heaven with kageyama. in his bedroom…”

“woah!”

“namiko are you serious?!”

“she’s bold… bolder than i thought…”

kageyama’s nostrils flare as he stands up from the floor. “a dares a dare. let’s go (y/n).”

you nod slowly, still in awe of namiko’s dare. you get up and follow tobio. you’ve been in his room before, but it’s been a while. there’s volleyball trophies and certificates all along dressers and pinned to the walls, there’s not a single object out of place, which is shocking for a teen boy’s bedroom.

his expression is harsh as he motions to his bed. “sit.”

you sit, watching him pull out his phone and set a timer at seven minutes. he sits next to you, tossing the phone on the bed.

“we’re not doing anything except sitting here… cool?” he mumbles, glancing at you.

“i was thinking the same thing.” you say, glaring at him.

“what’s that face for?” his brows furrow.

you sigh and shake your head. “i-i’m sick of you being mean to me! you’ve been mean to me since we were little! why?!”

tears peek at your eyes and he shrugs. “i don’t know! maybe i was jealous of you!”

you stand up and move in front of him, glaring once more. “jealous?! of me?! what on earth are you on about tobio?! i should be the one that’s jealous!”

he stands up now and looks down at you, cheeks flushed red with anger. “you’ve gotten to do whatever you wanted! it was practically set in stone that i was going to be the one to take over the company and you were going to go to college. in fact i overheard our parents deciding that once! i don’t want to take over the stupid company (y/n)! i want to play volleyball!”

“y-you heard them say that?” you whisper, looking down at your feet.

tobio’s hand grips your chin so you look up and into his eyes. “yes. that’s why i was an asshole to you all these years. why i never wanted anything to do with you. because you were free to make your own decisions and i wasn’t. it’s not fair.”

you shake your head. “i don’t want to go down the path i’m going either.” you say. “i’d rather run the company than go to college, at least for something other than a business degree.”

his eyes widen at your words, dropping your chin. “you’re serious? when did that decision come to be?”

“only a few nights ago. you should too. maybe we’ll run it together some day. if we both have business degrees, then…”

“i don’t care about the stupid business!” he practically screams.

you flinch away from him and against his bedroom door, hand going to the knob. tobio notices this and sighs. “shit… sorry… sorry i scared you…”

his expression softens and he sits at his computer desk now, putting his face in his hands.

“our lives… they’ve always been planned for us by our parents. you and i getting married, you going to college for like… a doctorate degree in something, my degree in business so i can continue to run the business… i thought… i thought being mean to you would change things, so i could write my own story…” kageyama lifts his head to speak, before placing it in his hands again.

your eyes widen. “y-you’ve… you’ve never really hated me?”

he looks up and opens his mouth to speak, but the phone alarm goes off. you walk over and stop it, staring at him. “kageyama…” you whisper.

he nods. “i… i like you… i really do…”

your cheeks flush and you step over to him, bending down to his level and kissing his lips deeply. he’s in awe, but wraps his arms around your waist and kisses you back. he soon pulls you into his lap, and you knot your fingers in his hair, continuing to kiss him deeply.

the two of you pull away, gasping for air as you look in each other’s eyes. “s-shit… tobio…” you whisper.

he smirks and picks you up, carrying you to the bed. he lays you down, gently, sliding his hands under your sundress. “(y/n)...”

you nod. “g-go ahead…”

he pulls your dress over your head and looks over your form. “beautiful…” he mumbles, large and calloused hands trailing down your stomach to your clothed sex.

he slides his thumb over the material of your panties, catching your clit which causes you to gasp out. he smirks and runs his thumb over it again. “t-tobio!”

he stops and holds a finger to his lips, shushing you. “we have to be quiet…”

you whimper at his words and nod. his brows furrow as he pulls your panties to the side, exposing your cunt to him. you cover your face with your hands, embarrassed at the predicament you’re in. “this is to make up for all these years, okay?”

you peak down at him through your hands and see him sliding his tongue along your folds. you whimper and he does it again, faster and faster he flicks his tongue through your slit. you push the back of your hand down on your mouth and moan, eyes rolling back into your head.

“feels good? you’re doing so good for me baby…” he whispers against your skin.

he dives back into you, lapping at your clit this time, suckling and teasing it with his tongue. you moan louder this time, bucking your hips up into his face. he then wraps his lips around the sensitive bud, sucking at it harshly. you can’t help but yell out, a hand gripping his black hair tightly.

“t-tobio!! it’s too much!!!” you yell out.

he pulls off and wipes his lips on the back of his hand. “c’mon baby… cum for me… let it out…”

as if he couldn’t get more aggressive, his tongue slips between your folds and inside of you, lapping at your juices that come out once again. you pull his hair and he thrusts his tongue in and out of you.

kageyama takes a moment to stare at you. your hair askew and face contorted in pleasure. one hand over your mouth and the other in his hair. he smirks and continues his quick pace.

“t-tobio!! i-im—!” you gasp out, creaming all over his face and tongue.

he slowly licks at you through the orgasm, helping you down from your high. he pulls away and licks his lips, savoring every last drop of your essence.

he takes a finger and collects the rest from his face, then sliding the finger into his mouth and sucking at it. you sit up on your elbows, watching him closely.

“do… do you need me to…?” you mumble nervously, looking to the tent in his shorts.

he shakes his head. “it was all about you… i’ll be fine…”

you nod and reach for your dress, pulling it over your head. he watches you carefully, unsure of what to say. “we should… we should do that again. not now! but sometime…”

you shrug. “i mean we don’t have long until uni starts… so i guess that’s cool…”

“not just that… i-“ he sighs and yanks at his hair. “let me take you out tomorrow? okay!?”

your eyes widen, but you slowly nod. “sure tobio. just don’t bully me…”

he lays next to you, wrapping his arms around your stomach and pulling you back into his chest. “no promises i won’t tease you, but i won’t be an asshole anymore.”

tags: @lustforyuu @beelziee @bummie @missuga @ultimate-astridwriting

[marriael]

Be my Latibule? (Changbin x Reader)

@skzrequests​

Request: My pace 24 w changbin? uwu im a sucker for the idea of tattooist bin lmao I so vibed with this request, I love thinking about tattoist bin

Word count: 3717

a/n: part of the reason this took so long is I had to restart it twice :(

You walk into work at Insomnia Coffee Shop and your co-worker, Sohee, greets you.

“Anyone fun yet?” You ask. She's usually in when the store opens and often gets the most interesting customers.

“Not today. But yesterday a cute guy came in and ordered 3 americanos. Turns out it was for him and 2 friends. I tried to give them for free cause he looked half dead but he wouldn't let me. Who even does that?“

While she was talking you had slipped on the ugly orange apron and scowl when you noticed someone double knotted and didn't untie the strings.

You shake your head, “probably a college student pulling an all-nighter. What college student turns down free anything? Ugh, I wish some cute barista offered me free coffee, just, ever.”

Sohee turns and passes the drink over the counter. “For Jeno!”

A cute guy comes up to grab and winks at her before he turns to the door. Your jaw drops a little and you slap her shoulder.

“Is he a regular?” You ask.

“Nope. Said he got a recommendation from a friend and went out of his way to come. Weird day to do it though.”

You hum as the next customer comes in and you get thoroughly distracted. It isn’t until he comes up to the counter and speaks that you stop staring blankly.

“1 latte, 1 americano,” his voice is low and rough and he’s a little bit intimidating honestly. He’s got a small bit of a tattoo poking out one of the sleeves and you try and look at it before you have to turn around.

“Is that a tattoo?” You ask him when you turn around.

He rolls the short sleeve up to his shoulder to expose the full tattoo and you stare at the simple beauty of the moon and stars.

“Woah, that’s cool!” Sohee must’ve seen him just in her peripheral… or she was staring like you. You nod emphatically in agreement.

He blushes a little and says “thanks. Couldn’t reach this part of my arm or else I would’ve done it myself, but I still drew it.”

“Do you work at a tattoo parlour then?”

“Yeah, I do a lot of the designs for our place,”

You gasp, “can I come look at them? Please?” You pout trying to convince him to accept your strange request. You just felt something pulling you towards these drawings and the man who made them.

He looks at you for a moment then says, “yeah, let me give you the address. When you come in just ask for Changbin.”

He pulls out a random business card, not his unfortunately, and writes down the address. He slides it over and covers his smile with a sip.

You turn back to the coffee machines as he walks out the door but Mina stops you.

“Changbin huh? He was pretty cute,” she smirks.

“Hush your mouth and get back to work, brat.”

“Nuh-uh! I get to leave now but if, no no not if when, you meet him we're talking about this later.”

The next day was Tuesday and, thankfully, it was mostly empty of things for you. So you pull out the piece of paper Changbin gave you and looked up the address.

It was just a couple blocks down from the coffee shop and you head out. The building is small and squished right between a bakery and a florist, basically some cheesy romance just waiting to happen.

You walked in and looked around. There were corkboards on either sidewall and they were filled with drawings pinned to them. The bottoms of them fluttered a little at the draft you brought with you.

When you looked at him the man behind the counter raised an eyebrow at you. Ah, so it was very obvious you wouldn't be in here often.

You let out a little nervous laugh, “hi, Changbin told me to come see him here?”

The man raised both eyebrows at that. You fiddled as he looked you over again then laughed a little. “Changbin!” He suddenly yelled.

From one of the closed side rooms comes a muffled voice “go away Chan, I’m busy!”

The man at the desk, Chan, turns back to you “sorry, he’s always like this. He’s probably just sketching a custom.”

“Oh, I can come back later if he’s busy.”

Chan doesn’t answer you and instead yells at Changbin again “I know you’re not actually busy. Your partner is here to see you!”

“Hey!” You protest but Chan just grins at you as you hear the door open.

“Chan what the hell are you-” Changbin cuts himself off and gently smiles when he sees you “hey, didn’t think you were actually gonna come.”

You smile back at him. He looks much softer when he’s smiling and you were briefly caught off guard.

“Tell me again about how you’re not dating or at least interested, “ Chan’s eyes flick between the shy but wide smiles on yours and Changbin’s faces.

Changbin rolls his eyes but inclines his head towards the door he was behind and you follow behind him. He closes the door most of the way behind you and then moves to sit at the desk in the far corner. There are more drawings in here and you assume all of them are his. It’s a wide variety of subjects, from small sketches of animals and plants to large and detailed fantasy creatures.

“Sorry about Chan, he’s always delighted in teasing anyone who’s younger than him,” Changbin shakes his head, probably at Chan even though he can’t see or hear in the room.

“Have you two known each other a long time then?” You ask and tilt your head a little.

“Ah, yeah,” Changbin looks at you again, “most of us met in high school and a couple joined right at the start of college. College was really when our whole group started getting close, too.”

“Sounds nice,” you were paying attention to him, promise, but with such wonderful drawings surrounding you, you really couldn’t help it if your attention drifted a bit.

Changbin notices and raises an eyebrow slightly, “interested in getting one?”

“What? Oh, no no, not right now at least. They’re just… really, really good.”

Changbin immediately looks down and smiles, and you could swear he was blushing a bit but when he looks back up it's gone.

“There’s a couple hidden ones in here that aren’t mine. Think you can spot ‘em?” He challenges.

You immediately head up to one of the boards and stand about 5 centimetres away. You push a couple of them up and out of the way, making sure to be careful. There really is all sorts of stuff, Changbin must be pretty busy. A rushing river done with such detail you can almost see it moving. Swirls that when you look just right suddenly snap into focus to make an abstract, soaring bird. Nature moulded with a person or item in such a seamless way that there is not a difference between them, they are simply one continuous sight.

You’re looking for hidden drawings, not ogling at Changbin’s skills. Right. When you move one more there is a small piece of paper. There is… something on it. Either Changbin drew this when he was about 5 years old or it was someone else.

“Hey, I found one. I don’t even know what this is though, it looks like a squiggle.”

Changbin laughs, “hold on.”

He comes and looks right over your shoulder. You can feel his hot breath on your ear and feel his chest move when he laughs at the drawing again. You quickly reign in the slight disappointment when he moves away.

“Yeah, that’s the thing Chan keeps trying to make our mascot. Felix and I won’t let him so until one of us breaks it’s two against one,” he shrugs and it doesn’t look like he feels bad at all.

“Do all your friends have a drawing stashed in here somewhere?”

“Well, I’ve seen at least 16 drawings put in here so yes they all have one. Some of them and Felix, Jisung’s special twin, has hidden at least 4. There’s probably more that he did when I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Ugh, how many friends do you even have. If it’s more than, like, 6 I might be genuinely angry.”

Changbin practically cackles, “well then get ready to be absolutely furious. There’s 9 of us, including myself and everyone I’ve already mentioned.”

“That’s not even fair! How have you all been friends for so long without someone murdering someone else.”

“Oh, believe me. Seungmin’s wanted to. Unfortunately, his best friends are some of our greatest problem children. Though sometimes I'm pretty sure he'll murder them first.”

“Any other possible murderers I should worry about seeing?” You flip a couple more pictures up, still passively looking for any other weird drawings.  

“Hm, Minho's murderous intentions are usually directed at Jisung. He'd do it for his cats too, though. He definitely fits in well.”

“Were there concerns about him not fitting in?”

“Yeah 'cause, he was the last one to join us, but he’s just as chaotic if not more. For Chan’s graduation night he insisted on using some mini firework things he found. Nearly lit himself and Jisung on fire with the very first one.”

Something clicks in your brain. You’ve heard this story before, from one of your random classmates. He was… interesting, to put it politely.

“Are you talking about Lee Minho? The smug bastard who tried to get everyone to call him Lee Know for like 5 months? And Han Jisung, my co-worker kind of, that I’m pretty sure hates me for some reason?”

“Wait, you know them? And why do you think Jisung hates you?”

“Yeah, Minho was my weird classmate. I’m like 90% sure Jisung hates me because he barely looks at me and gives one-word answers to all of my questions. I don’t really see him other than during shift switches but still!”

“I think Minho actually might have mentioned you before. And Jisung is just like that around people he doesn’t know. Trust me, he actually has the capacity to be the loudest person in the room. By far.”

“Huh, I wonder how many of your friends I actually know.”

"Well, we're hanging out on Thursday. Do you want to come with and meet some more of them?”

You hum thoughtfully, thinking of any possible commitments you had made lately, “I probably can but can I bring Sohee? Just so I know someone there?”

“Do I still not count as someone you know?” He whines and pouts a little for the extra effect.

“Not enough. If you all go off on some inside joke I need someone to be confused with.”

“Actually fair, because it might happen. I’ll let you know when and where we’re going later then.”

You pull out your phone and extend it to him, when he looks at it confused you raise an eyebrow, “unless you plan to send it by bird I recommend putting your number in my phone.”

He makes a surprised noise and keeps his eyes away from you and on your phone. It has not spread to his face but under his dark hair his bright red ears peek out just enough for you to see. Even when handing it back he doesn’t look at you and you smile at his bashfulness.

“See ya soon, Bin. I work again tomorrow.”

Directions are not always your strong suit. You’d like to believe they are and that’s how you end up like this, no map and unsure of what direction you should even look in.

“You look lost,” a voice comes from behind you.

You spin around. A tall puppy-like guy is standing behind you, he looks slightly amused and you’re betting it’s at your expense.

“Yeah, do you know where M.I.A Café is?”

“Oh,” he nods, “yeah I’m going there. Let’s go.”

It’s slightly awkward, walking this distance with someone you don’t know. You search your brain with how to start a conversation with someone.

“Are you… meeting someone at the café?” You ask, slightly awkward.

“Yeah, a couple of my friends.”

“Huh, so am I. Well, actually, it’s someone else’s friends and I’m just kinda tagging along,” you shrug, realizing how awkward this will probably be.

“Good luck with that,” he says as he holds the door for you.

You enter and scan the tables for Changbin’s face. You wave and slip into the chair opposite him. On the edge of the table thankfully, hopefully Sohee can recognize the back of your head. Someone sits next to you and you get a little shock seeing who it is.

He grins at you, “hey stranger.”

The guy you walked all that way with one of Changbin’s friends!

Changbin looks between you confusedly, “you know Seungmin?”

“He helped me get here. I might have gotten a little lost.”

“A little, ok. You had no idea where you were,” Seungmin snarks.

“Maybe so!”

“Well good to know you get along with another one of my friends already,” Changbin interjects.

Someone comes up and sits beside Changbin.

“Hey, I’m Hyunjin,” he greets you simply.

You give him a little wave. You don’t like judging people so fast but he’s a little intimidating.

You hear a little scrape of a chair beside and Sohee pops down at the end of the table.

“Sohee, you made it!”

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” she sticks out her tongue at you.

“I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Hyunjin speaks up and you whip your head towards him.

Sohee looks at him and squints for a moment. They start looking at each other for so long that you think they’re actually just having a staring contest. You think you recognize someone walking outside but when you actually look out the window you have no idea who any of them are. It’s still a nice day out, maybe you can go out somewhere after this.

“Oh! You’re the guy I thought was going to drink 3 americanos the other day!”

“Sohee~” you sing.

“What?” She looks at you, annoyed.

“You forgot an important detail that you told me about him.”

She looks genuinely confused for a moment before catching on and shaking her head, “shut up, nope nope nope.”

“You think he’s cute!” You cackle.

You, Changbin, and Seungmin make fun of Sohee and Hyunjin for a little while. It backfires when Sohee manages to sneakily turn the attention on you, well you and Changbin. Together, you being together.

“Yeah, and you stared at him for so long when he came in!” Sohee says.

“Sohee, kindly shut your mouth,” you reply, smiling the most pained and fake smile ever.

“Ok, please don’t pour your drink on me, I’m afraid. Also we work together so I’m coming for you.”

You just roll your eyes at her, you didn’t actually scare her and you both know that. She just likes to be some sort of annoying sister to you.

Hyunjin clears his throat and when you look at him his eyes are bright. He smiles sneakily and says, “you should hear about the time Changbin actually poured his drink on someone.”

“Hyunjin that was an accident and you know it!” Changbin exclaims, attempting to shoulder check a giggling Hyunjin.

You breeze into Blueprint Tattoos and Chan looks up in surprise.

“Hey there, didn’t know you were coming in today.”

You let out a single, unnatural ‘ha’, “I didn’t know either but uh, here I am.”

“Well, Changbin’s in his usual spot. I don’t think he has anything today.”

“Thanks,” you nod stiffly.

Looking around at the cork boards you can see some of them definitely done in Changbin’s style and a handful more you suspect would be his. You breathe out heavily and slouch a little before straightening and walking towards where Changbin should be, full of false confidence.

“Are you ok?” Chan asks and when you look over his eyebrows are furrowed and his forehead pinched down a little. The concern from someone you barely know is a little unusual but the warmth you get from it is welcoming.

“Yeah, just a little nervous you know?” You force a small laugh but you know it’s not convincing.

“Oh!” Chan exclaims, “well if this is what I think it is then good luck.”

Chan’s face is completely relaxed and you feel a little bit bad for making him worry so much. You’re not entirely sure what he thinks you’re doing but you smile at his kindness as you open Changbin’s door.

He has headphones in and doesn’t hear when you close the door behind you. You stand there for a minute, back against the door, just looking at him. Most people move to what they’re listening to but the only thing moving is his hand and it glides across the page. You have no idea what he’s doing but you just hope he’ll show it to you when he’s done.

You take a big breath in and out before approaching him. Tapping his shoulder gently you hope not to cause him to jerk his arm and ruin a line or anything. He stops completely and pulls his headphones out. He looks a little annoyed but then he looks up to see you and his face eases.

“Hi! I didn’t know you were coming today. Anything specific on the brain or did you just want to hang out with Best Friend Binnie?” He gives you an exaggerated and comical wink.

“Give me a tattoo?” You say, surprisingly calm for how jittery you actually feel.

“Wait, what? Are you sure? Like really sure?”

You roll your eyes like a stereotypical teenager would at their parents, that is to say, so far back it felt like they would disappear into your head, “no, Changbin, I’m not sure. I’ve really only been thinking about it basically since the first time I walked into this room.”

“That was only a week ago,” Changbin deadpans.

“Yeah, and?”

Changbin shakes his head, “I’m not going to give you a tattoo you’ll regret.”

You look around at the drawings. Feeling like that one action gave this decision away as way more spontaneous than it had originally seemed. Yes, you had been thinking about getting one and getting Changbin to do it for you but doing it today specifically was a complete impulse.

“I’m not going to regret it! Bin, please,” you pout at him.

Changbin tilts his head to look at the ceiling as if it will give him some guidance.

“What do you want?”

You clap your hands excitedly and then hesitate again.

“Well, I know I want a flower but… I want you to choose which one. I want it to be a flower with a good meaning behind it.”

Changbin nods and stands there considering your request. You take the time to look around his office again. Staring at all the intricate drawings on the walls you feel a bit dorky choosing to get a simple flower. Your eyes briefly catch on two stylized drawings of the word SpearB. One of them has a cute little ‘Binnie~’ under it and the other has a messy ‘Chanathan’ in English and Korean.

There are a couple of flowers scattered throughout the room so you’re a bit surprised when you hear Changbin ripping a page out of his sketchbook. His back is to you so you can’t see him cutting it down to a size to la and trace on your body. You can hear the gentle snips of scissors as you distract yourself with rows of flowers connected and individual petals with such detail you could believe them being real.

You watch as he gently traces the pattern onto your skin. You don’t recognize the flower right away but it looks delicate and beautiful. You think you catch him glancing up at you a few times but you’re pretty sure the clock is behind you and he’s looking at that.

You zone out almost entirely as he prepares. Well, it’s not exactly zoning out. You’d say it’s appreciation of an attractive man, your friends would say that you’re just checking him out.

Ok, so what if you are? Changbin’s shirt has no sleeves which means his arms are on full display which means that you can’t stop looking at the muscles flexing as he moves. Thankfully you’re conscious enough to look away when he turns back around.

The buzz of the gun wakes you up and Changbin is looking at you.

“All good?” He asks.

“Yeah, let’s do this.”

You watch for a moment as he starts going and the ink sinks permanently into your skin. It’s a strange thing to conceptualize, something being on your body forever. You catch a glimpse of Changbin’s concentrated face and you get completely distracted by him. If this is what he looks like everytime he gives a tattoo then you want to observe, even study, him.

His mouth is set in a firm line and eyebrows pinched slight inwards and downwards. His eyes are wide and focused and if you look closely enough you can see every slight movement of his irises following his hand around.

Neither of you say a word and you don’t dare move to try and look at the clock or your phone. Just watching and waiting in silence, but together. A shared silence is different than one had alone.

Silences by yourself can feel wrong sometimes but this kind of silence with Changbin feels so right that you almost never want it to end.

Good things often come quicker than they should and soon the buzzing stops. You can hear phantom buzzing still and suspect you will for quite a while. You lift your arm and look at it, it’s finished now but you’re still not sure what it is and certainly not what it means.

“What is it?” You ask.

“An almond blossom. It, uh, it means promise.”

“Promise, huh?” You grin and look at Changbin's pink-ish face.

You expect him to have some witty comment but instead, he just smiles goofily and breathlessly says, “yeah.”

[mulletcal]

flowers, maybe daisies, might relieve the gloom. - an a.i blurb

a/n: i lowkey blame @sexgodashton​ for starting this whole mini series of boomer!ash things, but i also adore this because boomer!ash is soft as hell.  and also a lil d*ddy but we don’t need to talk about that.  title is from wait by sweeney todd bc i love it.  alternative title was gonna be from L.G. FUAD by motion city soundtrack

word count: 

warnings: ashton irwin being a thirst trapping, lemon stealing whore. i’m kidding it’s just a solo ash fic w no smut but some mild ash thirst trapping.

-----

‘ashtonirwin started a live video.’

Ashton didn’t often go live on Instagram, but this shelter in place order had left him ultimately bored - writing a song every day before noon, sure, but anything after that was a blur.  Occasionally he would have interviews or live-streams with the band, but on days without that he was left alone with his thoughts, and his thoughts weren’t always the safest place to be; so talking to fans it was. 

It was going well so far, simply asking fans how their quarantine was going - bringing some of them into the livestream so he could talk to some face to face.  One girl in particular had caught his attention when they began to discuss hobbies she had picked up during the time she’d spent at home.

“Yeah, I’m learning to garden.  I have a tomato plant that is just starting to sprout actual tomatoes, so that’s kind of exciting,” She had said, a nervous laugh escaping.

“Well, I would hope that your tomato plant is sprouting tomatoes, it would be a little concerning if it was growing something else,” Ashton replied with a chuckle, the girl giving a small shrug but still laughing along with him.

“You should look into it if you’ve got the room at your house, I bet it would feel rather rewarding to be able to cook something with your own fresh vegetables.”

“Would save me quite a bit of money too.  Can I grow yeast? I’d like to learn how to make my own bread but here in L.A. you can’t find yeast anywhere.”

The conversation continued like that for a few minutes more, Ashton taking only a couple more fans into the livestream after that to talk to before he decided he should probably do something else productive with his day.  Something like learning to garden. 

It surprised Ashton the things you were able to order online during this time - soil being the main thing.  He also read that saving coffee grounds would help, and he was excited at the idea of his insane coffee habit wouldn’t be completely useless.  He ended up buying seeds for tomatoes, mint, sunflowers, lemongrass, and zucchini.  The lemongrass and mint was specifically for Calum, realizing he would be able to dry the plants out once he had harvested them so he could make the man his very own tea.

When his package finally arrived, Ashton spread the packages out, sliding them across the table as though he was some card dealer in Las Vegas.  Thinking the fans would find it amusing, he took a picture of the spread and added it to his story with the caption of ‘pick a card, any card…’.  Maybe it would only be funny to him, but it did prompt a fire reaction from Michael.

It seemed as though the reaction from fans were positive though, them taking to Twitter to let him know their excitement about his new endeavour.  That’s where his weekly livestreams began.  He would show everyone the progress he was making with his plants, and just in general him chatting with fans.  Ashton never really thought of how refreshing it could be to just talk to the fans, without the worry of time restrictions or anyone’s personal safety in the way; in fact, it left him rather inspired, loving their fans even more if it were at all possible.

A particularly warm day in L.A. left Ashton wondering if he should go out to the garden that day - but it was the day he would normally livestream, and he was excited to show what he was up to that day.  Ashton wanted to plant another tomato plant, and also the lemons on his infamous tree had enough for him to make some lemonade so he was going to go through that as well.

Clad in some cut off jeans, or as Calum so affectionately called them his jorts, and a white tank top, he pulled up the live option on Instagram and waited for the people to begin to filter in before he started to speak.

“Hey guys! Just gonna wait for more of you to filter in before I actually head outside, but I thought that since you guys love my lemon tree so much, I’d make some lemonade.  Fuck, I sound like a YouTuber.  Is that gonna be my next career, is just YouTube tutorials on how to make shitty lemonade?” Ashton laughed to himself, slicing the lemon so he could juice it, ignoring the comments he saw about murdering his lemon children.

It didn’t take him long to make the lemonade, making mild conversation with the fans while he stirred in a little bit of sugar and some cheat mint he had ordered while waiting for his own to grow.

“Alright, now that I’m waiting for that to cool, probably best we go outside and check on those tomatoes, hm?” 

It had been weird at first, talking to himself; but he quickly realized that he talked to himself anyways, even without the phone in front of him, so it couldn’t have been too weird for anyone who could overhear him.

“So I wanted to plant another tomato plant today, because everyone can use a friend right now, you know?” He looked into the camera, a smile spreading across his face when he saw the flood of cute little emojis that followed.  “M’gonna be like the Bob Ross of gardening. No mistakes, only happy accidents or whatever it was he said.”

Ashton began to work away at his garden, building up a sweat in the process.  It wasn’t until he leaned back, glancing at his phone did he see a text from Michael flash across the top.

‘Mate, Crystal said stop thirst trapping the fans.’

Ashton’s brow furrowed, unsure of what the text was saying, “Okay so I just got a text from Michael - what’s thirst trapping? And am I currently doing it?”

Of all the comments that followed, he noticed one that said ‘I mean… I’m not gonna say either way but take a look at yourself and get back to us’.  Another one told him that it was when someone wears something in order to provoke risque texts, or gain attention from someone.

Ashton pouted, looking down at his appearance.  He was kind of sweaty, but he didn’t think that the fans would mind him being covered in dirt and sweat, it’s not as though they had to smell him.  Though, he would admit that he needed a shower. 

“Well, since my tomato plant has been… planted next to its’ friend, and I’m apparently thirst trapping you all, I should probably go shower and clean up.  Is me mentioning a shower thirst trapping as well?” Ashton rubbed his face over his hands, a small huff leaving his lips, “I don’t know… Fellow youths, tweet me and lemme know.  Also, may hold a poll later on what to name these guys.” He flipped the camera around, struggling for a moment, to show the sunflowers that were starting to sprout, “M’thinking of naming one Denise.  Just seems like a Denise.”

After his small speech was over, he ended the stream, grinning to himself.  He hadn’t meant to show off his body in such a way, but it was funny to know that even with him hardly doing anything but be himself they still lost their shit.

Glancing around at his garden, he felt himself swell with a mild sense of pride.  He was still a ways off from seeing any fruits of his labour (literally), but it made him feel good knowing he did something with his time at home, instead of slipping further into his mind which wasn’t always the kindest to him.

Ashton realized that when he was gardening, it was similar to songwriting in a way where all of his self doubts and fears went away and he could just pour himself into it - the reward being well worth the risk in the end.

Once his shower was done, he sat outside in his backyard, sipping his lemonade and enjoying the sunshine - realizing that having to stay home wasn’t all too bad, if it meant he could reset his mind, and do some small part to help how he could during that time.

tag list:  @haikucal​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @boyfriend-cal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​  @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @mantlereid​ @inlovehoodx​ @irwinkitten​ @n-ctarinenga​​ @g-l-pierce​ @thecurlsofgod​

[border-spam]

Have you posted any leech lord fics yet? I see the snippets and the short one-offs, like the echo logs or the trait/personality things, but how does one get at the actual au story? Im dying to know how things go and end in it!

Responding to these together as they are kinda linked in a way! @the-insomniac-emporium 

So, in a nutshell, I don’t have a linear long form fic. I fucking wish I did. 

It’s not from any unwillingness to do so, it’s actually something I was originally planning and put all the groundwork in for already. Folks who’ve seen the full storyline for Leech Lord would have seen the timeline, the events and breakdowns, etc. It’s all there, and I have all the content.. I just do not have the time.

It wasn’t nice to realise that, but it was pretty clear when I started planning out chapters. Right now, I have on average 2 hours a day for creative work. So that’s writing and trying to learn digital art at the moment. I’m also a very slow writer and have perfectionist tendencies that mean I re-write things over and over despite not actually knowing what I’m doing. The first thing I wrote was Sept last year, I’m winging it to a level that’s shockin. 

If I had stuck with the linear fic idea? No joke, I’d have maybe 3 chapters done by now. It’s not enough, it’s too massive a gap between any actual content for the kind of world building and story I’m “trying” to do, so I use the available time I have in a way I can generate content without stressing myself out, and that’s non-linear storytelling. 

Atm I can create a mini 3-char prompt daily, longer drabbles generally twice a month, and a single short I aim for monthly. With the daily char prompts, it means so much to me to hear they are being enjoyed at all! I’m trying to use them to flesh out the characters and world enough that people can maybe start understanding them on their own terms -  have an idea of how Sei would react to something, or visualise LL Troy in a scenario and *get* what his response would be. 

I also try to link a huge amount of foreshadowing and back references through them that I hope feel like a bit of a treasure hunt in a way. An “Ohhhh I remember this, I understand this reaction..” kind of thing I hope some folks are grabbing and smiling at!

My “longer” shorts are all here - AO3 LINK

I might eventually be able to push a linear fic, I don’t want to say never. As I continue to deepen the chars and world building I think it will leave me with more finished content to shift directly into a linear fic anyway, but RN it’s just beyond my reach with how little time I can afford it. I am desperately envious of people who have time. God. Folks, if you have time and have something you are passionate about? USE IT. USE IT FOR ME PLEASE :’)

If there’s something Leech Lord wise you want to know though, seriously, just send in an ASK! I’ve about 50k additional words so far of near finished prompt/drabbles, theres a good chance I’ll have info ready to go for an ask, and I really enjoy interacting through them!

[stilitana]

so i listened to this embarassingly quickly but let’s chalk that up to the self-isolation/working from home and leave it at that

wolf 359 reactions under the cut (spoilers):

firstly, that soundtrack was so good and i’ll be listening to those piano pieces forever

this show demonstrated the eternal power of the agatha christie principle: gather a ragtag cast of characters who’ve all got beef with each other, and trap them in a small space together. cue the instant tension and inevitable weighty revelations.

i adore that amid all the drama/action, there were so many moments when the writers let the narrative breathe a little and just allowed the characters to talk to each other, and play games with one another. the word games were delicious. these were often moments of levity and good character building, but they also all moved relationships forward or revealed something new, so don’t ever let anybody say that having chill little funny moments is useless narrative fluff. these were the best moments.

empty man cometh might be my favorite. am i alone now? and memoria were also just...so good. a lot of the mini-episodes were excellent as well, especially all the character ones. variations on a theme might be my favorite of the shorts.

normally i’m impatient and skip anything i perceive as extraneous to the central narrative, and come back to it later--im so glad i didn’t, the live episode was hilarious. ashamed that i even tried to skip change of mind because i was so impatient to see what was happening, but i felt too bad so not even five minutes into the next ep, i went back and listened to it, and that was the right move...it was so good.

every single character was fantastic. every single one. they were all complex--even the less central characters had at least a moment or two where they struck a different note, showed another side of themselves. kepler was the stand out on this front for me. i didn’t care at all about the si-5 crew when they first came in--i was actually annoyed and expected to hate them all, which is a risk you run when you introduce a bunch of new, influential characters so late in a story. they made it work so well. first i came around to maxwell, then jacobi, and finally (tbh it was his swan song) i was like, okay, kepler was a great character. they made him sympathetic without trying to retcon anything to force me to pity him or think he’d been good all along or anything. cutter and pryce were less human, so their redeeming qualities came more from being interesting. i think the voice acting plays a lot into this--cutter just on paper wouldn’t be half as fun

really impressed with how this same thing played out with lovelace--she went from this sort of mythic, predeceased character, to an antagonist, and finally to being such a central character to the crew that you could hardly imagine them without her. poor writing could have easily made her kind of character unlikable. i think characters like her often get short-changed and written as one-note action hero types who crash in and upend the narrative just to give the plot steam and provide friction. instead, she’s as fully fleshed out as the main characters, and seamlessly becomes one of them.

rip plant monster...i loved you :,(

so, the antagonists were multifaceted, and so were the protags. this could have also easily been sloppy. with eiffel especially, lazy writing would have made the reveal of his backstory super cheap, out of left field, and made you feel like you never knew him at all and leave you unable to reconnect. instead of going the route where the writer for some reason thinks they have to make their plucky protag gritty, the reveal of eiffel’s backstory doesn’t change him at all--and why should it? it’s his backstory--it already happened. instead, it only forces him and minkowski to have conversations they probably needed to have anyway, and fleshes out the reason he’s even there in the first place. on this note, it’s not ultimately his backstory that eiffel has to confront within the story as a major flaw--the backstory was a mistake in the past he’s been dealing with for years by the time we meet him. i love what they chose to do instead so much more: what he had to deal with was his current, present day behavior--how he effortlessly disrespects and belittles the people closest to him without even trying. the key there is, without trying--he has to make a decision to start. (”that’s the thing about you, eiffel--you try. you try really, really hard, and then--you stop trying” that was such a good interaction...god.) i could go on and on about how this was such a satisfying tack to take but i’m trying to cut it down. glib bastards like eiffel are so often a sort of male wish-fulfillment character where they get to say whatever the fuck they want without consequence, be lazy, be careless, and still come out on top, and still seem lovable, because hey, he’s funny. eiffel doesn’t get off that easily, and he’s a much better character for it, and so are all the others, for actually demanding better for themselves, because they know they deserve it, and because they all actually care about each other, so when they confront him, he doesn’t just shrug it off--he tries. (it takes him a minute. but he tries.)

hera broke my heart a million times i love her so much. she had so many complex inner conflicts that weren’t just boiled down to some dumbass bs like “boo hoo am i human.” her personhood is a given for the sorts of conflicts she has, as far as feeling inadequate, feeling unappreciated, like an imposter or a less-valued member of the crew. her and minkowski arguing was excellent and allowed them both a chance to be childish because hey, eiffel shouldn’t have the monopoly on that.

death was a serious thing. human life was highly valued, and its loss was never made light of. not even for antagonists (kepler, hilbert) or, in the most extreme case, pryce, who eiffel chose to make a sacrifice to defeat rather than just kill her, the one principle aside from doing as little work as possible he stood his ground on the entire story. team what’s wrong with handcuffs indeed...i just really loved that the main lead was a pacifist and that this line of thinking held sway in the narrative. it was really refreshing (i don’t think it should be--there’s just a lot of bad writing out there especially when things edge into the action genre) to see this stance on nonviolent conflict resolution wherever possible, because yeah, most people have a really hard time ending another person’s life...no shit. minkowski makes that call and deals with the fallout for the rest of the show--she’s not done dealing with it by the end, it’s going to be something she takes with her. sometimes eiffel’s passivity was depicted as a weakness, but he ultimately did diffuse a lot of situations and gave other characters the space to consider their options. i do think that sometimes the narrative’s insistence on eiffel’s dual pacifism/incompetence shifted the burden of action onto minkowski and lovelace and i’m not sure how i feel about that. i think where i’d have to look is comparing how pryce and cutter are dealt with--yeah, im willing to buy that minkowski wasn’t willing to trade all of her memories so that she wouldn’t have to kill cutter. but was she the one who had to have a body count as a conscious narrative choice, or were we just determined to maintain eiffel’s status as the sort of goofy, “innocent” one? or was that something minkowski was determined to preserve--because that’d be really sad and complicated and say way more about her than it would about him.

dear listeners. i loved everything about the dear listeners. it was everything i ever wanted from aliens trope-wise.

didn’t really get the total significance of surrogates or decima virus. those were the only two things that felt sort of hasty because the stakes suddenly went from “the lives on this space station” to “life on earth as we know it.” but apocalypse averted so whatever, the aliens just want music

i am conflicted about the fucking. amnesia. memory was SO important throughout, and questions of identity and personhood, and this is the only reason that amnesia ending didn’t enrage me. if i think about it more i’m sure there will be a lot to unpack with what’s being implied here

this has gotten REALLY long so im going to stop now and finish mindlessly entering data into excel. in short: i loved it 

[thathonleygirl]

The Beginning

November 2019 – June 2020 Background

I decided to start this documentation of my journey into motorcycling for many reasons, mainly because I want to work on my writing skills and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the mindless scrolling. I also think I’ll enjoy going back and reading this when I’m less of a rookie I’ll be recreating the timeline from the MSF course to the present from memory. I decided to dive into motorcycling as a hobby for myself, and also as a hobby for me to share with my boyfriend of 2+ years, Chris. Ultimately I can confidently say he inspired me to ride on my own and has been so supportive every step of the way.

November 2019 – MSF Class & getting my motorcycle endorsement I remember this weekend like it was yesterday. It was a freezing weekend and I’m out in the parking lot of RCCC bundled up from head to toe. I was happy it was cold because I was super nervous and excited, and heat stresses me out. There’s about 15 of us in the class, and right off the bat everyone is super friendly because we’re all here for the same thing – there was defiantly a wide range of skill levels and reasons for taking the class – but we’re all there for the same class. The two teachers of the class were AWESOME, and I’ll remember them for the rest of my riding career. They took us through the basics – controls, friction zone, etc. and soon we were riding through the first set of drills. My bike was a Kawasaki Eliminator from the 1800’s and it kept shutting off due to the cold weather. It also was impossible to find neutral, even the instructors couldn’t find it – I was just relieved that it wasn’t operator error. At the end of the 1st riding day they both told me they were impressed and proud of how I did – which meant so much to me considering I had never touched a clutch before, lol. The second day was a little rough, but still a success, mainly because I began to overthink every little thing because I knew there was going to be a test at the end of the day. This is when I first learned the importance of your headspace when on the bike, and how too much anxiety can be catastrophic. That being said, I still passed the class and got my endorsement the next week I really wish I had gotten the contact info for the people in the class, but the excitement of passing the class got the best of me.

March 2020 – Meeting Jolene I’d be lying if I said the process of bringing Jolene home was smooth, and the truth is I have a newfound hatred for dealerships and salespeople, LOL. But it was all well worth it. I went to Team Charlotte Motorsports with the intention of buying a Honda Rebel 500 in all black, but was disappointed when they didn’t have the right colors, and the bike just didn’t feel right when I first sat on one. But oh boy, when I first sat on Jolene I knew she was the one and I knew I had to have her. I’ve always been super laid back but when my mind is set on something, I get DETERMINED. After leaving the dealership because the price was too high, I began to obsess. After a week of negotiating and an extra fiery in-person negotiation, I finally got the price I wanted and Chris rode her home the next day. The whole process was rewarding in the sense of getting what I want and not backing down!

March-April 2020 – Attitude Adjustment I was off to a ROCKY start, and a few times I lost a lot of hope and had a lot of “WTF did I get myself into?!” moments in my first few loops around our neighborhood. My bike felt 100x heavier and harder to maneuver than my Eliminator, and my nerves were getting the best of me. I was scared to even let out the clutch at first. But after a few times stalling, I was doing loops in first gear around the neighborhood. On the third round of neighborhood loops, I was having a moment overthinking a left turn from a stop sign, and dropped the bike after it stalled and jerked in the middle of the turn. It was a devastating moment because my immediate reaction was that I just ruined my brand new bike in less than 100 miles, and the salt in the wound was the fact that I couldn’t pick the bike up. Luckily, a good Samaritan neighbor was close by with help, and the bike was totally fine (just wasn’t in neutral so it wouldn’t start). Not even a scratch, I’m a lucky girl. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself and hopeless but that was getting me nowhere. In that moment, I realized one theme in all my “practice” – I was scared of my bike, and was not taking control over her like I should be. I began to try and change my mindset, and just love the fuck out of her like she was my best friend. It’s crazy how much your mental state affects performance, especially on a motorcycle. As my attitude shifted, so did my confidence and success. After endless neighborhood loops and sideways stares from the neighbors, I finally made it out on the road (just down the street to the nearest park, but out of the neighborhood nevertheless! That was a game changing feeling for me. That is what it’s all about.

April 2020 – Real Deal At this point, im still having pretty intense nerves before every ride, but I have made it out of Edison Square (finally). The first ride ALL THE WAY out of the neighborhood was me following Chris who was driving his truck, leading me on what would become my trusty loop. We wanted to take some pictures for Instagram, which I’ve been trying to grow since I got Jolene. The biker community on social media is AWESOME, it’s incredible how many other riders around the world I’ve gotten to share experiences with and learn from, most importantly being able to “meet” other girl riders. Anyways, during that first mini trip following chris I finally made it into 5th gear and got into some twistys, I was smiling so hard in my helmet the whole time. I feel so close to my bike now and with every ride I feel more in tune, and less intimidated by her. I almost feel like she’s a horse or something, lol. We stopped to take some pictures in front of some office building which was empty because Covid – I felt so uncomfortable taking pictures but Chris was such a good sport in trying to get the best angles LOL. The whole Instagram thing has defiantly taken me out of my comfort zone – but so has riding as a whole – and I never want to go back. After this trip, I started going out on the same trip as much as I could, but still was having intense pre-ride jitters – but with every ride, I felt less anxiety and I could actually enjoy and have fun while still learning and practicing the basics. The post-ride bliss, however, was always an amazing feeling and I noticed that on the days I did get out to ride, I felt more at ease and generally better for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, we are still waiting on chris’s bike to be done getting worked on.

May 2020 – First Group Ride We finally got chris’ bike back after SUCH a long time. It’s crazy how much I worry when he’s riding his bike with me driving the car; but I don’t worry at all about myself when I’m riding lol. Side note – I’m such a lucky girl to have chris and he amazes me on a daily basis. I love how he set up the group ride, knew the route we were going to ride and also planned out how we would meet up with our two friends along the way. Before this ride, I finally just felt excited for the ride, and less nerves in the pit of my stomach. I found myself agonizing over which placement in the lineup I wanted to ride in, weighing out the pros and cons of each – I had to keep reminding myself that I don’t know shit, there’s no point in worrying, and just to trust chris (that option hasn’t let me down yet!) Side rant – im realizing as I ride more and more miles that most of my fears have been irrational. It starts with me conjuring up a situation that I feel would be dicey on a motorcycle, then I obsess over all the possible negative outcomes in those situations, and then I obsess over when I will come across them in my journey. So far – I have not been right a single time. For example – left turn at a yellow blinking light – I wanted to actually reroute my ride to avoid this, but when I was forced to do it, I rode through it with NO issues. It’s crazy what a whirlwind our minds can conjure up with little to no reason or backup to support our fears. Long story short, I need to get over myself and go with the flow, and take each learning experience as just that. Again, chris’s patience is remarkable. Back to the group ride – it was awesome. I was again, smiling so hard in my helmet as chris and I chatted through the turns, as he’s telling me how proud he is of me and just having all the good feelings along the way. So glad we went with the Cardo systems, I can’t imagine the ride without them. We rode over 100 miles through the country around Midland and hit a bunch of turns. I got to practice things I don’t necessarily enjoy, like stoplights, a LOT which was great. I still need to work on speeding up my starts especially turning starts. Getting home from the ride was a great feeling, it’s such a high – the post ride bliss. We got to head to the beach right after for a long weekend, which was much needed. We came home from the beach and chris surprised me with a longboard, which I had been talking a lot about wanting lately. Words just aren’t enough to describe how grateful I am to call him mine.

May 26th 2020 – 2nd Group Ride It’s been raining for the past two weeks, pretty much ever since we picked Chris’s bike up from the shop. Side note – Chris and I are doing a watermelon cleanse from Tuesday through Friday, and we were at the end of day 1 at this point. I didn’t realize how much of a toll the fast had taken on me until I started riding, I was overthinking every move I made and just felt unstable overall. Everything just felt harder, and it was such a reminder of how much your mental state affects your riding. Overall the ride was great and I’m so glad we got out and rode though, the country roads were beautiful and the temperature was just perfect at around 70. I guess I need to focus on the positives here – that the ride was beautiful, we didn’t get caught in the rain and I got to experience new roads. And of course got some great pics. I’ve officially become that girl who takes pictures in the parking lot for Instagram, but I really don’t care because it’s been fun building my social media presence.

May 31st 2020 – 300 milestone Well, I finally did it – I hit 300 miles on the bike, the halfway mark to my first 600 mile service, lol. Last night’s ride was absolutely perfect, I couldn’t have asked for better weather (mid 70’s, not humid at all) and feeling the crisp air as I was passing my previous top speed at 60+ mph was an unmatchable feeling. Every time I have a ride like this, I always think to myself, “This is what it’s all about.” My headspace was at a great spot and I felt confident and smooth throughout the ride. My starts were quicker and more fluent, my turns were smooth and I had less anxiety and anxious thoughts about shifting gears and going through the motions of riding in general. It’s crazy what a few days of healthy food and relaxing will do to your mind – this ride compared to the last entry was like night and day. We took the bikes to Mac’s Speed Shop for dinner – I was excited to ride my own bike there. Once we pulled up and Chris quickly whipped around to back his bike into his spot, I was reminded of my severe performance anxiety yet again, lol. I really need to get over the thought of people watching me and get over myself, people are going to watch what’s right in front of them, and a girl on a bike is sort of a rare occurrence. I feel like when people watch me, specifically men, they are just waiting for me to mess up because how could a girl like me be on her own bike? In reality, I’m sure they are barely even thinking about me at all, LOL. That brings me to something I really need to work on in general. I get really anxious when people watch me and I really need to make a conscious effort to work on getting over that. People are not worried about me – I know this – but rational thoughts get tossed out the window when I’m placed in front of a crowd. This trait of mine exists in every avenue of life – whether it is work, play, whatever; and I need to take time to grow out of this. I think it will help me have less social anxiety and will probably help my confidence which will have residual effects like an improved posture and overall sense of stability. I just wonder if this is a habit that can just naturally be broken with practice/repetition or is this something that requires more attention and effort to fix. Wow – such a rabbit hole, lol, but I doubt anyone will even read this. Back to the ride – I have absolutely loved the feeling of making it home from a successful ride, or “post – ride bliss.” Chilling on the couch with my honey after a perfect ride (for both of us) is my ideal Sunday evening. Chris’s longboard finally came in so we were able to skate over and get ice cream before we called it a night. I just love our life together and think that we truly have the perfect relationship that is a mixture of best friends and lovers that just keeps getting stronger and better with time. I am so happy. With our economy tanking due to a virus in our country that’s being burnt down all around us, he is my peace. To work on –faster upshifting –downshift through EACH gear when approaching a stop (stop banging down all the gears without releasing the clutch in between) –get over performance anxiety –work on maneuvering the bike when off (in and out of parking spots, getting gas, backing out of garage, etc) –ride the bike into the garage myself! I’m so blessed to have Chris to help, teach and support me on this journey. He reminds me I don’t need to be able to do everything immediately but still pushes me to learn and become a better biker when he knows I’m capable of doing something.

June 11 – Making Progress Two big milestones this week. The first is installing my mini floorboards, the second being my skills improving on the bike. Last night Chris and I rode to Gamestop to pick up a Tony Hawk game, and I was nervous for the ride beforehand given the newness of my floorboards along with the general nerves I get before a ride. The ride ended up being AWESOME. I made sure to pay attention and downshift completely through each gear when coming to a stop, and I was able to do it successfully most of the time, lol. Also had way faster starts, and beat Chris out of the stop lights a few times. The feeling of just riding with no traffic or light in sight is unmatchable, especially in 5th gear when it feels like nothing can hold Jolene back. During these stretches of the ride, my thoughts are always revolving around THIS being what it’s all about, THIS is riding, and this is freedom. It’s an unmatchable feeling. I also felt good when we pulled into eastfield for dinner because I was able to smoothly maneuver around the parking lot that was semi-full without issue. Also I didn’t need help when leaving the parking spot outside of gamestop. taking rides after work used to be kind of a fear of mine, and I was usually reluctant to take them in fear that I would be too braindead after a full workday. The ride last night, however, proved this fear wrong. I think no matter the time of day, day of the week, temperature, WHATEVER it may be, it’s all about your headspace and that is the greatest determinant for the outcome of the ride. I’m glad that I’m starting to feel less and less anxiety prepping for and starting out on each ride, the stomach aches and general feelings of fear are melting away with every mile in the seat. Soon I’ll be scheduling my 600 mile service To work on be more gentle when downshifting, especially to first. Stop stomping on the poor shifter ride the bike into the garage myself keep improving engine breaking/downshifting completely through each gear to 2nd or 1st

June 13 – Passing 500 on my first real trip So many milestones (literally) passed this weekend! 1 – passed the 500 mile mark & 2 – first 100+ mile trip! Minus one close-call, the whole trip/day was amazing with my love. We first headed out to Asheboro Harley Davidson dealership, stopping at a couple gas stations along the way. I passed my previous top speed and managed to hit 65+ mph, and I don’t know if that was Jolene’s limit or if it was user-error. Aside from the wind feeling like it was going to blow me off of the bike, it felt exhilarating to ride fast on the open highway. After we left the second gas station, I was following Chris (a little too closely) and the left turn we were supposed to take snuck up on us so I locked up my brakes and skidded (loudly) down the street, fishtailing straight down the street, missing the turn. Mid-way through the skid, the only thought running through my head was “fuck, we’re going down.” Somehow either my reflexes or my guardian angel, or a combination of the two, were looking out for me and Jolene stayed upright. Somehow I knew to kind of let go of the breaks and handlebars and let the bike do its thing, and sure enough I was able to straighten out and stay upright. It was a sobering experience for sure, and it took a little while to gain my confidence back for the rest of the ride. Chris is a patient angel though. We made it to the Asheboro Harley dealership to pick up our poker chips and chill for a little bit, and we were surprised to see it was crowded. It’s such a nice dealership though, they had a food truck serving Greek food, free beer on tap and the MSF course happening in the parking lot that we could watch while eating our lunch. Chris and I talked about how we always feel like outcasts from the “Harley crowd” but the people we talked to were nice. It started getting late so we headed out to the next stop, the Moonset general store near Uwharrie and Badin Lake. The rest of the ride was uneventful, and Chris and quickly became exhausted lol. I kept wondering to myself if I would always feel this tired from riding. It’s just such a mental thing that takes your full attention and effort at all times, and being hyper-aware of your surroundings at all times. There’s also the physical side of riding that involves every extremity in unison just to work the bike controls. I think that’s what makes coming home from a trip feel so rewarding. Once we made it home, we got burgers at Eastfield and called it a night after we both fell asleep on the couch lol. We took a short ride to pinky’s after detailing the bikes on Sunday and that was also a great ride. Short and sweet.

June 23 – Ready for 1st Service The more experience and riding I’ve gotten, the less I feel the need to write and blog which is a good thing more time spent actually riding. Passed the 600 mile mark and trying to schedule my service appointment this week after I install my new Vance and Hines pipes on Wednesday, so pumped for the new sound and look. I’m feeling so much more comfortable now riding, still have a few things I want to work on but when I think about the first few times I took Jolene out and compare that to how I feel riding now, it’s almost like I’m a whole new person. The things that used to scare me to death are things I can do without thinking twice now. I’m learning that the faster I go, the more comfortable I feel, and that the fears I used to have are pretty irrational. Over the weekend Chris, his mom and I went on a ride through the country before it got too hot outside. It made me happy to see how happy Chris’s mom was after the ride. We talked about how great of a teacher he is and how supportive he is every step of the way. The next day, Chris, his brother and I went on a ride to Statesville Harley and got lunch at Grouchos (Chris chose for me because I always talk about how ive always wanted to eat there, hehe). It was a great ride, minus almost running over a snake haha. One other biker that was at Grouchos joined in with us for part of the ride home, then another biker on the road joined in too. It was cool to hold up the middle, lol. Chris said I did a good job. The sense of community in the biker world is something amazing and it makes me so excited for the future, and how many cool people I will meet along the way.

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - A Male’s Experience of Sex and Fan Fiction Part 1

@manawhaat​ (Mana) and @superfanficnatural​ (Mert) led a lively discussion about what it’s like to have a penis and how we can all improve our writing of the male experience! Shortly after Mert first joined, we asked him if he’d be open to answering frank and personal questions about what it’s like to have a penis, since he was our only (known) member to have one. He was enthusiastic to share his experiences and we are grateful he accepted our invitation! In the time we had, we didn’t come close to answering all of the questions that folks wanted to ask, so we will be continuing this discussion in a future live chat event! (If you have questions you would like to see posed, please either send us an ask or send an IM to one of our admins!) Because the most popular questions were specific to the sexual experience and how it is described in fan fiction, we moved the chat to the softcore-nsfw channel in the discord server. If you are a minor, you might want to check with your parents before reading this, as it is a frank and graphic discussion about sex. A rundown of the chat is below the cut!

Q: Mert, can you tell us a little about yourself and how you got involved with fanfic as a dude?

A: Welp not much to me, just an 18 year old penis-owning male that has been reading fanfic for almost three years. I first found out about fanfic from a friend that suggested it to me and ever since I first started reading, I've been obsessed! I didn't start writing until around early April this year, for I was too nervous, but ended up saying to myself, "You know what? There are no male reader fics on here so I'LL write them." Poof, my blog was born!

Q: In joining the fandom and Tumblr what did you see/feel as far as the fans being mostly female?

A: I'd have to say that I wasn't too surprised, but was a bit underwhelmed. While many female-presenting people seem to be attracted to the actors, first, and the story/content of the show second, the few male fans of the show seem to be the opposite. Although I love the show and all kinds of fans, it would be nice to find some other male-presenting gay fans to gossip with about how attractive the actors are. lol

Q: Have you been in any other fandoms that have had more guys present?

A: To be honest, no. Every fandom that I’ve been in was mostly comprised of female-presenting people.

Q: What’s it like being in a space that’s dominated by so many women?

A: I think that it’s a bit intimidating. I don’t share the exact same experiences as female-presenting people, so it makes bonding a bit harder, if that makes sense?

Q: What kinds of things do you think women in fandom could do to help make men - regardless of sexual preference, already in fandom - feel more welcome? We here in the Pond like to be welcoming to fans of all types of people in all fandom spaces, not just in the Pond. How can we make our space less intimidating?

A: In my experience, it depends on the man in question. Straight men are less likely to want to talk about how attractive the actors are, and more likely to be interested in the mechanics of the show. Gay men are more open to frank discussions about both the show and the actors’ appeal. Basically, just be aware of your audience and how invested in your conversation they seem to be, like you would be with anyone.

Q: Can you describe the sensations behind having a penis, and how it feels during oral sex?

A: Oral sex feels like a warm, heated blanket being wrapped around the penis, depending on how the giver hollows their cheeks or not, Usually, the penis isn’t very sensitive during oral sex, which is why porn is really fake. If the giver uses their tongue, then the stimulation around the tip of the head is what causes pleasure. The head is really the only sensitive part of the penis.

Q: So, emphasis on licking and sucking on the head is key, and deep throating is extra?

A: Playing with the balls, fondling them, or sucking on them is VERY pleasurable. Deep throating is hot, but mostly because of how the back of the throat constricts around the head of the penis. Like I said, playing with the head is the best way to tease. In fact, if it’s a male with a beard doing the giving, rubbing their stubble across the head is EXTREMELY pleasurable.

Q: So, just sucking on the tip alone, like a popsicle or lollipop, would give a man the most pleasure?

A: It is very pleasurable, but not quite enough to bring a man to orgasm. Men jerk from the base when masturbating because of the backwards and forwards motion. Think of it like a gear. The back and forth powers the gear, making the machine begin to work, and eventually leading to orgasm.

Q: The arousal and pleasure need to be built up, then. Sucking and stroking together with some fondling on the side if deep throating isn’t an option?

A: Yes. If you can’t take it to the base, just use your hand for the remaining amount and go back and forth at the same pace as your mouth. Fondling isn’t completely necessary, though it is very pleasurable.

Q: What is one thing you wish more women knew/writers would write about in terms of the male experience?

A: As a reader, it would be nice to have more writers writing about the male experience at all. The majority of writers and readers are women, though, so it makes sense that the majority of stories would be focused on the female experience, so I can’t complain.

For those who are interested in writing more from the male’s point of view, adding more description about how everything feels would be good. For example, when describing the female orgasm and arousal, there are all kinds of metaphors, like the string snapping and fires burning. Those things are representations of the orgasm and that same build up applies to men, too. Then when it finally releases, the feeling of an orgasm cuts off their breathing, even for just a second. We feel it in our toes, and can almost feel the semen transition from the testicles to the penis. Some men like to continue jerking off or thrusting through their orgasm until it becomes too sensitive and some men prefer to stop. Generally, our hips will thrust forward with each shot, but that’s not all the time or every male.

Think of it like breathing. Each shot of ejaculate is so powerful to the man that it's like during those shots, we only have the time to take mini gasps because we are so out of breath (once more, not all the time, and not every man). Pre-ejaculate does not always leak out of our tip; it's basically the equivalence of women getting wet. If we are hard long enough and it is straining, then pre-ejaculate will eventually begin to leak out. Yes, it is also possible for more pre-ejaculate to leak out DURING intercourse, though it is hardly noticeable due to the heavy amounts of wetness everywhere and they all mingle together and yeah. 

Onto the prostate. It is possible for men to orgasm without stimulation to their penis. The stimulation of our prostate for a long period of time can lead to an orgasm, regardless of if they are jerking or not, also kind of like women who can orgasm without clit stimulation (though difficult). 

Q: Do any of the stories you’ve read that women have written come close to the male experience of an orgasm?

A: I haven’t been able to read much M/M fan fiction, but most of them have been written by women, so they aren’t able to go deep into how it feels. All they can describe are the actions taken to get to the climax and what that looks like, which is understandable. But what “pleasure” are they feeling exactly when they orgasm? That is shown in a lot of female experiences and showing it in the man’s experience is one of the focuses I want to address and give answers to with this chat.

Q: Can you describe it for us, then? What are the sensations that happen in orgasm? Is it a whole body shiver? Is it the penis twitching slightly as the orgasm hits?

A: The whole body can convulse just like a woman can, though it’s more of a strong tingle than a whole body rock, depending on how strong the orgasm is. Also, the penis does twitch and swell, and usually when men “flex” their penis, the head grows in size slightly.

Q: How does that tingle spread, and how fast does it spread?

A: Think of the orgasm like the ocean. Wave after wave. When a man is about to orgasm, they know, much like for women. Every stroke gets them closer and they get to a point where they know how many more strokes it will take.

Q: Does the pleasure then spread from the penis out to the rest of the body?

A: It’s actually kind of the opposite. In the beginning, there is a tingle through the whole body. It’s like the nerves in the whole body pulse in the direction of the penis. Then, when it gets released, it’s like a bomb. The nerves in the penis fire off and it slowly spreads back throughout the body.

Q: For some women, it starts in the vagina and radiates outward, but it sounds like for men, it starts outward and radiates to the penis.

A: Yes! And when ejaculation starts, it all reverses back out into the body. (This information is not exactly the same for every single man on earth, but probably pertains to a large percentage. All men are different as all women are different. This is my experience though.)

Q: Does that mean that outside stimulation, like playing with nipples, scratching thighs, etc, would help a man orgasm more quickly as that outside stimulation radiates pleasure toward the penis?

A: Yes. This is why in porn, one person might suck on the neck of the other to add to the influx of pleasure and make the climax feel better. One reason why men love getting their backs scratched up is because that slight pain morphs into pleasure and it helps get closer to orgasm, much like women when their nipples are pinched.

Q: Can we follow up on the breathing thing? Are you physically incapable of breathing during each wave of climax? Or is it more like a winded feeling? Or is it more like the entire brain/body is so overloaded with pleasure that it’s just not on the top of the priority list?

A: It depends on the strength of the orgasm. We can breathe, it’s just not a focus.

Q: Can you pass out?

A: No, but you can be exhausted afterwards and fall asleep.

Q: Do you get blurred vision or anything like that?

A: No blurred vision, but it’s very common to squeeze your eyes shut.

Q: Do sensations change based on the strength of the orgasm?

A: They do.

Q: Is grunting really a thing that happens, or is that just in porn?

A: Yes, grunting can happen. Either it’s so hard that breathing gets cut off, or it’s so pleasurable that you groan or grunt out in pleasure.

Q: Do you come harder if you haven’t done it for a couple of days?

A: Much like some women, the longer we go without orgasm, the easier it is to climax (at least in my case).

This is where we had to stop due to time constraints, so we will be picking this topic back up in a future chat! If you have questions you would like to see posed in a future chat about this topic, you can either send an ask to the Pond, or an IM to any of the admins!

That’s it for this month! Don’t forget to submit your stories and your Angel Fish nominations! Want to know what’s happening in the Pond? Check the Pond Calendar to see what’s coming up! And, as always, if you have questions or suggestions, let us know! You can send us an ask, or send a private message to @manawhaat​ (Mana) or @mrswhozeewhatsis​ (Michelle) anytime!

[alswonderland]

Its time

↳Peter Parker x f!reader

↳ Pregnant au/ married life au with Peter Parker where Peter and reader prepare for the arrival of a new member.

↳Warning: avengers being cute af, fluffy goodness, married couple stuff, Peter being suggestive (slightly)

↳A/n: dude you have no clue how long I have been wanting to post this for. I kept procrastinating on writing it even thought I loved the idea.

*edited from the original version*

————————————

“Y/n!” Peter screamed at the top of his lungs “can you get the screws as well?” he asked his 9 month pregnant wife.

Peter was in the middle of setting a baby crib that he had ordered online when you were 3 months pregnant, but due to really bad shipping arrangements the crib had only come two days go. 

Which is why both you and your husband(mostly your husband, because he wasn't letting you do anything) were trying to build the crib as fast as you could because you never know when the baby would pop right out of you, since you were now very close to your due date.

“Coming, coming” you waddled your way to Peter. You gave him the desired object and held your very round belly. “Do you see that sweety, do you see what daddy is making for you? this is going to be your new bed!” you looked at Peter and newly made crib.

You had started to pick up the habit of talking to your baby in the middle of your pregnancy due to the fact that you were bored of staying home alone the entire day, you spoke to your baby, telling him stories about how you and Peter met and how excited is everyone to meet the little one.

Peter looked at you in awe as you rubbed your belly and smiled at your bump. He got on his knees and looked your big belly. He rubbed small circles and whispered soft things only for your infant to hear. Father-son bonding time as he liked to call. 

When ever Peter had time, whether it was after long hours of work at the bureau or going on business trips with Tony , your husband would always find a way to talk to your baby.  

Peter got up from his position to cup your face in his soft hands. “I love you” he said as he kissed your temple softly. 

“I love you, too”

—————————————————————

You opened an eye looking at the glowing red light next to your bed, 3 am. You let out a small groan, angry, it was 3 am and you couldn’t sleep no matter how hard you tried because everytime your eyes closed you would see that beautiful chocolate cake you saw at the grocery store the day before when you went for a late night grocery run with Peter. 

“i knew i should've bought it” you thought resting your hand on your belly and felt kicks. “are you thinking about it too?” smiling you looked over to your sleeping husband. Mouth wide open,  a bit of drool threatening to fall on the baby blue pillowcase he was sleeping on. What a cutie. 

You leaned over to him and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

You slowly removed the covers of your body and tried get off the bed without making any sounds to make up the sleeping beauty next to you. 

“ouch, that hurt!” You whined softly, as you rubbed the area you got kicked “whats wrong?” you pouted.

“Food?” you questioned in a amused tone, and got a kick as a response. With that you walked out of your shared bedroom and made your way to the kitchen. 

“What should we eat?” You bent down a little to look at the items inside your refrigerator.

“Broccoli? Nah who we kidding we ain’t healthy, pasta? Hmm maybe in the morning,” both hungry and  frustrated from no sleep you shut the fridge a bit to hard. You winced at the noise of magnets falling on the floor and prayed that Peter hadn’t woken up. 

“We literally don’t have anything to eat!” you kicked the magnets out of the kitchen making a mental note to tell him in the morning to pick it up. You let a annoyed sigh, when you remembered Peter buying some snacks.

“Ah ha!” You exclaimed looking at the pack of chocolate chips in your pantry. “ I knew I had this somewhere” you grined.

You looked at your belly which was covered in one of Peter’s extra large graphics t-shirts, and said “ let’s get baking kiddo.”

“Ahh smells so good!!!” You exclaimed as you mixed the dough with the chocolate chips “if only I can taste it” you said with a slight pout, as you brought the spoon next to your mouth.

“Don’t you even think about it” said Peter making you jump in fright.

“OMG BABE! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? SCARE THE BABY OUT OF ME?” You screamed as you placed your hand on your rapidly beating heart.

Peter, no longer leaning on the doorway of your kitchen made his way to you. His arms holding you in a soft embrace, as he muttered soft words to calm your poor heart. He kissed your forehead and apologized profusely.

“Y/n what are you even doing here? At this time? It’s almost 3:30?”

“I... well you see Junior over here got hungry and decided that it would be fun playing soccer in my tummy till he gets my attention which he did. So I came into the kitchen to see what is there to eat, but didn’t find anything that I wanted then I remembered that we have chocolate chips left so”

“So you wanted to bake cookies” said Peter with a beautiful grin.

“Oh you know me so well, Mr. Husband” you cooed as you pecked his lips.

He smiled at the gesture and shook his head at your cute antics.

“Well then, since you’re going to be baking cookies I might as well help you. Now go on sit down, and let me do the rest.”

With that he sent you out of the kitchen and put the cookies in the oven and cleaned the kitchen as you eagerly waited for them to be done.

You walked back into the kitchen to see if your treats were ready to eat instead you were faced with your husbands back who was in the process of cleaning the dishes.

“wait what are you doing here” you poked Peter’s arm. “i woke up when you kissed me” he shrug as he continued to do the dishes. “you know babe i really thought i was gonna get something more than just a kiss on the forehead since....well you know.... you were up during fuckboy hours but i guess not” he pouted and then winked “and since we are up now” he sang wiggling his eyebrows, you hit his arms laughing.

“Peter” you gasp “how can you say that and in front of your son ” you faked a shocked expression as Peter jokingly started to strip out of his pjs. 

‘wow a dinner and a show im so lucky’ you thought as you took a bite of a cookie.

—————————————————————

“ OMG BABE!!!!” Peter’s screams rang through the house.

“What what is? What happened? Who died” you came in as fast as you could while you held onto your belly.

“Honey walk slowly you might get hurt” Peter extended his arm for you to take and gently put you down on you shared bed.

“Nothing like that happened but I just realized that you due date is in a week!!!” He exclaimed. “ IN A WEEK!”

“Can you imagine it? A mini me will be waking around this very spot in a week, Y/n can you imagine!!!” He spoke, his eyes shining with each word.

You smiled “ well he won’t be walking yet but YES IM SO EXCITED! Oh that reminds me, I kind of bought some more baby clothes the other day with Nat. Only because they were so cute!” You gushed. “You should’ve been there Peter that store is magical” he laughed at your child like behavior and went to get the bag of clothes from the closet.

“Did you find it?” You asked, getting ready to get them yourself.

“I got it. I got it” he said as he brought a baby blue bag along with a big brown book.

“also look at what I found” he waved your photo album in the air and sat next to you.

“Awe look it’s little Peter with his little willy,” You pointed at your husband’s baby picture.

 Peter’s faced became red, he cleared his throat and turned the page to avoid any more of your comments,  “well its not so small now is it” he let out of a soft ouch and rubbed his arm because you hit his arm for saying such things near his soon-to-be-born baby

As you looked through the album of memories, you started to feel intense pain in your lower abdomen. 

Little driblets of sweat started to from on your forehead and you breathing started to be come more heavy. 

Peter noticed the change in your behavior and placed a hand on the small of back to calm you down. You smiled at him weakly, and grabbed his thigh when the pain became unbearable. 

“P-peter” you quietly let out, “I-I think it’s time” you said looking in between your legs and saw the small water soaking your pants. 

Your water broke.

Peter’s calm expression morphed into a panicked one as he hurriedly took the hospital bag and walked you to the car. 

—————————————————————

The dull colors of the Hospital was making Peter feel more nervous than he actually felt. The thought of something happening to you or the baby in the process of the delivery kept running circles in his mind due to the stress and anxiety he was feeling at that moment. He knew he should not be worrying both you and the baby were in perfect condition, but he was not able to get those nasty thoughts out of his mind. 

Peter felt someone’s hand be placed on his shoulder he quickly looked up and saw Tony’s warm brown eyes. Tony gave him a reassuring smile and open his arms to initiate a hug. Peter overwhelmed with emotion cried in Tony’s affectionate embrace. 

“I’m going to be father” he sobs “I’m going to be Father”. Tony pulled away and looked at Peter in the eye. He cupped his face and whipped the tears away. 

“I know you are. You’re going to be a great one at that.” Tony smiled at the boy whom he saw grow into the fine young man he is today. 

“IM GOING TO BE A UNCLE YALL!!!!” a loud voice rang through the hall. Peter laughed at the familiar voice. He saw his friend Wade wave at him dressed up as a baby sitting in a baby stroller, he waved at the two men while being pushed by Sam and Bucky. 

“He’s so gonna get killed by them by the end of the day” whispered Tony. 

“definitely” Peter said laughing.  

Peter left his father figure when the nurse came to tell him that the contraction has begun.

—————————————————————

You were sitting on the bed with your baby in your embrace, Peter walked up to you and kissed your chapped lips. He leaned forwards and whispered to you how well you did during this hard process. 

“I should go call them,” he kissed the baby and went out.

Peter walked out of the delivery room with a huge smile that light the entire room “you can come see him now” he said and walked back inside to sit beside you on the bed. 

Everyone made their way to the room, walking slowly trying not to wake your newborn. 

“he is so precious,” cooed Natasha as she softly grazed his skin with her finger. “Can I hold him?” she asked. You nodded and let your best friend hold your baby boy. 

“what’s his name” asked Tony as he walked up to the red headed who was caressing the infant. 

“Harry Benjamin Parker” Peter said smiling, “Y/n chose it, but next time i will be the one choosing the name for our child” Peter said and you nodded. 

 “ Next time?” Thor said laughing. “You already planed on the next time Peter?” Thor teased Peter after seeing his face go red. 

“Hey, Hey blondie, stop teasing my son, and auntie Nat can I please hold my grandchild?” Tony said showing his pearly whites in order to get Harry. 

“Why should you get to hold Harry next!” said Steve. “I am the oldest!” 

“No, I should hold harry next,” quipped Thor “It’s always an honor to be held by a god,” 

“A god? oh please, let me hold My God Son harry, since I am his god father! I am his Sirius Black,” said Wade. 

“Wade we never made you the god father,” Peter quietly let out as he took Harry back from Natasha’s hand in fear that something might happen while everyone is fighting to hold his son. 

One of the nurses walked in to your room worried because of the arguing she heard from outside. She would've never thought that one day  she would see the worlds mightiest heroes fighting to hold a baby, but here she was.

Furious because this is most certainly not how one acts in a hospital she kicked them out of the room, and lectured them about how to behave in a hospital.

—————————

[marshmallowprotection]

THAT SOUNDS AWESOME can you tell us anything that happens after that? Do Assistant Lila and SE Saeran get better together? Does she continue to live with the rest of them for a while? What's the living arrangement like? How does everyone get along? I know Seven proposes to MC, do Lila and Saeran get married? Do they make a garden? Does Lila continue to do lolita after all that? Does she help with Sevens toy store, or does Saeran start a flower shop with her? Im out of space for questions now.

Oh. If you guys like Assistant Lila AU enough, I’d be more than happy to actually write it out into a short length fic because I wasn’t sure if people would want that one tackled. I think it would make for a great five-chapter mini-story compared to the other Bad Ending fics I have that are one-shots. 

Saeyoung would extend his roof to Lila as long as she wanted. She felt far more safe with them than she did any place else. He’s not going to let the woman that helped his brother escape get far away. She’s as much family to him as Saeran is now. She will take his offer, for sure. 

I do believe that SE Saeran and Lila would handle their relationship differently than how MC and Seven handle their own. That’s not to say that they wouldn’t cement their relationship. Saeran and Lila started out in the wrong place, and some of their dynamic needs some working on. They need to really work on themselves so they don’t rush into their relationship as quickly as one would expect them to do. 

It’s hard for both of them. He needs to learn how to open up and talk about his problems, and she needs to learn how to let him speak his grief without trying to fix everything on her own.

Back at Mint Eye, their interactions were always a rush of emotion. Saeran would always get worked up and Lila would smooth down his fears. A lot of that was physically based. They’re very tactile, no matter the timeline they’re living in. Certain lingering touches would bring back memories of that place, and not all of them are good. Even something small as a hug can mess with Saeran’s head; He’ll often remember things that he did or things that he said to hurt her back there, and the guilt will eat at him because Lila can’t remember a lot of those early events.

Although, as hard as it may be sometimes, Lila and Saeran don’t want to let go of each other. Some think that it may be too quick for them to be in such close quarters but Seven disagrees, as does the MC. They deserve to be happy after all they went through these past few years. When they have a hard day, they always turn to each other and try to work out the grief and pain. They make more progress together then they did in their personal therapy, so, nobody can deny that they’re better-kept together. 

They’re always with each other, no matter what happens. You will always see Lila and Saeran stuck together like glue. Typically, holding hands, as that’s the most simple and smallest form of grounding they have. The dissociation and derealization can be a real issue at times so being able to grasp at the other if a fit happens is crucial. Saeran still has his struggles and being out of Mint Eye doesn’t just fix everything, and Ray is known to pop in every now and again. 

He wasn’t just pounded and erased away, he was just dormant and pushed into the abyss after the so-called Savior pushed for the “stronger” alter to exist on top. Lila, Seven, and the MC are really the only people that he trusts enough to disclose that information. So, time from time, Ray will slip out and there will be another hard day. 

But, it’s manageable. It just takes time. 

Reluctantly, both of them are known to join the RFA messenger every now and again. They’re honorary members, they don’t have to get involved in the parties but they’re apart of this huge found family too, so, they get to see and humanize these people that they didn’t know personally before. 

It’s easier for Lila so she is on more often than Saeran, but he can always read over her shoulder if he wants. She strikes up a good friendship with everyone in the chatroom over time, but there’s no denying that she’s close to both Jumin and V, which is a real surprise since she was the wariest of those two and the power they had. V is forever grateful for her sacrifice and it’s thanks to Lila that Saeran would one day be able to make up with V. It’s easy to talk to Jumin as he’s so matter of fact, and she loves a good deep conversation about anything normal, and he provides that. 

 Now that we’ve cleared that up, we can get to the knitty-gritty. Lila comes from a family of florists if you didn’t know, and she’s very experienced in flower life and care, and that’s part of the reason why Saeran wanted to choose her in the first place because she reminded him so much of who he used to be. Saeran wanted to be able to live that life. So, they do build a garden together, after all, it was one of their shared dreams. 

They put a lot of work into it too, and it really helps them. It’s just for the two of them. A world where they’re safe, and together. They don’t have to share that with everyone. 

And actually, when Saeyoung sees how much it helps his brother to be able to be outside and to do what he always wanted, it makes him shift his dream from a toy shop to a place where both brothers have something to work towards. You know what that means? Dual shop! Dual shop! A place where people can come to have fun both inside and outside. One side is a cute homemade toy store and the other is a greenhouse. 

A place where all four of these people that came together; Saeran, Saeyoung, MC, and Lila can spend their days in comfort and having fun providing joy to others. There’s no denying that everyone will stay close to each other, there’s safety in found family and this one means a lot. 

It’s at that point months later that Saeyoung would want to propose to his MC, officially. He does it. It’s sweet and touching and every bit as lovely as you could imagine. 

Saeran is happy for him and MC, although he’d never admit that out loud, he is not opening that basket with his brother again. He’s surprised though that Lila is so sentimental about it when they’re talking to each other later that night in bed as they’ve never talked about this before. She admits, although feeling rather silly about it, that she did love the idea of marriage. She just loved that there was something that could show how much you loved somebody with such a small gesture. She didn’t want to put labels on things or make Saeran feel obligated to do anything.

It was kind of funny to Saeran in a way too. They were already living together and doing everything together that married couples did. They didn’t have to get “married” to prove anything to people. They stayed together this long and after she was willing to risk for him, he knew she was his first, his last, the only love of his life. So, with the help of the others, he cooks up a little plan for Lila to see her smile. 

She basically spends one day with most of the RFA doing all sorts of things that she’s been wanting to do since getting out of Mint Eye and by the end of it, she comes home to find Saeran in the garden, alone. His gesture to her isn’t done in front of others, they’re alone for a reason. He just got them to distract her for him without saying why. He doesn’t need to show everyone how much he loves her for her to know it. They already know how they feel. So, he does surprise her with a ring. 

Ceremonies and planning and people... it’s all too much. It’s fun and good for MC and Seven but it’s not for them. That’s just not what either of them wants. They just want something simple. They just want each other. With this ring, they can still have a piece of each other no matter where they are. It’s pretty mushy and sweet. That’s all they need. This is all they’ve ever wanted from each other in the first place.  

Needless to say, everyone is shook when Lila and Saeran come around and suddenly she’s sporting a new accessory too. They’re a little confused and perplexed. Saeran is nonchalant and manages to crack his first joke, “Oh? You didn’t know? Must have forgotten to mention it, we eloped.” 

[peachymhaechan]

“Not even one snow angel?”

Genre: fluff

Warnings: language bc im too dumb to find better words

Pairing: Jaehyun x gender neutral reader

Author’s Note: yall it’s so cold that they had to cancel school for three days bc it’s supposed to be in the negatives for three days straight, so yall already know what that means: time to write fluff focused around Jung Jaehyun when I should be preparing for my biotechnology debate,,, yeehaw !! also: im shook that yall liked the mark mafia au so much,,, I will have another mafia au out soon, love yall !!

our story is set in fair Verona, where it is cold as tits out

jk its not actually set in Verona but ya know. Romeo and Juliet, am I rite, laid ease and gents?? (even tho that story is high key messed up and I don’t really understand why people aspire to have relationships like that) 

no but for real, classes for the next couple of days were cancelled because of a negative ten degree Fahrenheit wind chill, and that meant you had nothing to do (other than procrastinate your class work)

yeehaw, am I rite, laid ease and gents???

n e ways, 

rather than staying in your dorm all day w your dorm mate whom you did not always get along very well with, 

you decided to carpe the fuck outta that diem and play in the snow with some of you friends

lacing up the boots you shoved over four pairs of socks, you called Johnny, a kid you’d known since your freshman algebra class

“Seo, let’s go outside for once.” 

“Excuse me, what? Is it the sleep deprivation talking or did I hear you just say the words lets go and outside in one sentence?” a sleepy Johnny said from the other line

“Haha, very funny, dumbass. Let’s go play in the snow,” you told him, throwing on a winter coat 

“Y/N, it is eleven AM,” Johnny told you, causing you to roll your eyes as you shut the door

“Really? I had no clue, Johnny, thank you for telling me.” 

“Y/N, it is eleven AM on a day when classes are cancelled,” Johnny rephrased

“Yes, I am well away. Suit up, Seo. I am on my way over, be there in five.” 

on your way, you looked at all the snow and tried not to slip on ice

you made a few stops at some of your other friends’ dorms, and by the time you got to Johnny’s, there was a small army of people ready to play in the snow (and wake up Johnny)

“Mark, can I please wear your hat?” Haechan whined, flashing Mark puppy dog eyes and tugging on his sleeve

“Y/N, make him give me his hat,” the boy begged you, turning those eyes on you

“Mark, do what the baby says,” you told him, knocking on Johnny’s door

johnny seo opened the door, and before you could say anything, you were hit with a snowball in the face

“JONATHON SEO, WHAT THE FUCK???” 

he started cackling and said, “Before you guys got here, I went outside and made a snowball, then put it in a bowl in my mini fridge.” 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??”

“Nothing, Y/N, I thought you wanted to play in the snow?” 

“Johnny, we are not IN the snow right now. We are standing in the middle of your dorm building, while snow drips down my face. I am going to destroy you when we are actually in the snow.” 

“I’d like to see you try, dumbass. Oh, also: do you care if I invite someone to hang out with us today?” he asked, and for some reason, everyone pivoted their attention to the six foot tall man, which you did not notice

“Go ahead, the more the merrier. Right, guys?” you asked, and everyone nodded a little too enthusiastically

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion but didn't ask any questions

“Who all were you planning on inviting?” you asked, trying to get more info out of him

Mark, Haechan, Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin, Jeno, and Lucas all avoided eye contact

“I don’t know, probably just a few of the other guys... Ten, Taeyong, Winwin, Kun, and Jae.” 

so THAT’S why they were acting weird 

those two faced whores

“Jae?” you asked, trying to do some more subtle investigating

“Yes, Jae.” 

“Jae as in... Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, Jae as in Jaehyun.” 

“Like... Jung Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, Jung Jaehyun.” 

“Like..... your roommate Jung Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, my roommate Jung Jaehyun.” 

“The one that I think is hot and told you all that I have a crush on him?” 

“That’d be the one.” 

oh no

oh fuck no

“Unless, of course, you want me to tell him that something has come up and he is no longer invited.” 

“No, no, that’s not necessary, he can still.... he can still join us, if he wants.” 

“Okay, good, because I told him to come with us, and he should be ready any minute now.” 

cue Jaehyun nudging johnny out of the way so he can get out of the door

and all you could think was 

ohhhhhhh mannnnnnnn, he’s hot

he had on jeans, a fluffy winter coat, gloves, and boots, but he had you quaking in your four pairs of socks, okay 

you could feel your cheeks heat up when he gave you a smile

those dimples had you wEAK, BITCH

“Hi, Jaehyun!” you managed to get out, to which he responded

“Hey, Y/N! That hat looks really cute on you! You always look cute, but, ya know what I mean.” 

to say you were malfunctioning would be an understatement

the boys saw you go into a full system reboot

“Let’s get going before all the snow melts!” Chenle said, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of your technical difficulty

“I doubt the snow will be melting any time soon,” Jisung mumbled, getting a slap in the arm from one of the other boys

the only sounds that registered to you were the sounds of the bickering boys, sleds dragging on the floor, and your own heart beat

okay, dawg, just play it cool. 

now that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? dumb bitch. 

the whole time yall walked outside, you were super aware of the proximity of Jaehyun

after about two minutes, Jaehyun was standing right! next! to! you!

wowie, babey! yee fuckin haw!

when yall finally made it to the “lawn” (whatever the fuck u wanna call it, I am not good with words, yeet) of campus- a huge hill with trees all around, right in the center of campus-

yall threw down the sleds a few of you brought, and got right to it

johnny got on a different sled and challenged you to a race, to which you naturally agreed to

while johnny was getting situated before the race, you made a snowball out of his sight, and right as it started, you nailed him in the face

“yOU MOTHER FUCKER!” johnny yelled as he fell off his sled and you took the lead

the boys all laughed (including Jaehyun! let’s gooooo!) and watched you do a half assed victory dance when you reached the bottom of the hill

winning was great and all, but you had to climb back up the hill:/ 

not cool, dawg:/

when you finally reached the top, you found that some of the guys were making a snowman

awwwwwwwwwwwww

Jisung saw your heart melting upon the sight and said, “Stop that, this is emo boy gang, either get on board with emotional numbness or get out.” 

that stopped melting your heart, but you still loved the sight of all of them so concentrated on making a huge snowman

Jaehyun led the group, telling them what to do and assembling everything

by the time the snowman was complete, it easily was taller than you were

“yo. this is dope, bro,” johnny said to Jaehyun, pulling him into a bear hug

“thanks, bro,” Jaehyun said, laughing a bit at how ridiculous it all was

“Snowball fight time?” Jeno asked, all of the younger boys behind him, looking at you Old Folk for confirmation as to whether or not it’d be socially acceptable to start wailing balls of coldness at each other

you, johnny, and Jaehyun looked at each other and shrugged 

“Why not?” 

why not, indeed

without a second of hesitation, the younger boys started chucking snowballs at you three

“FUCK” “SHIT” “BITCH” 

sicko mode or mo bamba? 

“DIVIDE AND CONQUER, DIVIDE AND CONQUER!” you yelled, all three of you taking off in different directions, making the boys split up their force to follow

for some reason, Jaehyun ran along with you, leaving johnny to fend for himself

“Jaehyun, this isn’t a part of the plan!” you scolded, but at the same time loved the situation yall were in

“I know, I wanted to make sure you don’t get hurt.” 

wow, we stan !

“That’s awfully sweet of you, but now we have to figure out how to get rid of them.” 

“I’ll make a diversion while you hide and make ammunition? Send a signal or something and i’ll find you when you’re ready,” Jaehyun told you, making a sharp left and darting through the trees, a trail of boys following him

since you were left alone, you put your hands on your blushing cheeks and then got to work

within a few minutes, you had more than enough ammunition to hit the boys with and you saw all of them at the bottom of the hill, some wrestling and some throwing wads of snow at the others

great idea: take them out from up there?? yes, let’s go y/n, coming in clutch w that idea

without warning, you began to chuck the hundreds of snowballs you made at the boys

by the time you went through all the ammo, none of the boys were left standing except for johnny and Jaehyun

johnny stood up from behind a statue in the campus center and said, “Holy shit.” 

Jaehyun looked at all the boys laying in the fetal position and said, “Holy shit.” 

after that, everyone wanted to go home

not sure why, after all it’s not like they just got their asses kicked in the cold

“I don’t feel like going back to the dorms so soo, though,” Jaehyun said to you and Johnny

johnny went :) idea time! 

“I am feeling really tired from today, but I heard Y/N say earlier that they wanted to stop at the café at some point today and try one of the new drinks they’re making.” :) ;) 

fuck

“Okay, cool. Do you want to go to the café with me, then?” Jaehyun asked you

Jaehyun asked you. 

Jaehyun asked you? 

“Yes, I’d love to!” you told him, handing your sled to Jaemin to take with him to the dorms

after parting ways, yall went to the café and had a kind of?? date

just a lot of small talk, what is your goal in life, what are your deepest fears, blah blah blah

on the way home, though, that was when it got REALLY couple-y

you slipped on ice! 

and he went to catch you!

but he fell, too!

but he made it so that you were laying! on! top! of! him!

Hello, K-drama moment!

instead of speaking, you both stared into each other’s eyes 

before you totally #securedthatman by rolling off of him

and making a snow angel

laughing, he stood up and held out a hand to help you up

“Come on, let’s get going, it’s really cold out now. Too cold for snow angels, for sure.” 

“Not even one snow angel?” you asked, flashing him puppy dog eyes

“Not even one snow angel,” he confirmed and helped you up, and!

he didn’t let go of your hand! 

later on, yall consider that snowball fight turned café trip to be your first date, and boy, was it cold, but your hearts sure as hell felt warm that day

in conclusion, uwu

[takerfoxx]

“Fires of the Sun, Part 1″ Thoughts

All right, with Fires of the Sun in the bag and Imperfect Metamorphosis now on the shelf, it’s time to look back on this story’s longest mini-arc climax to date! And since it’s multi-chaptered, I’m going to post on response per day over this week. That’ll help cover almost everything as well as give me some time to think of how to wrap up Monsterland in the meantime, as I’ve already hit writer’s block.

Since this was going to be the last bit of Imperfect Metamorphosis, my main goal was to go BIG. I high bar had been set by The Storm, and I wanted to pass it. You be the judge in whether or not I was successful, but this was something I had been looking forward to for years, and had a lot of shit planned. Most made it in, some didn't, some new stuff happened, and some plans changed. There were weaknesses I wish I could go back and fix, while other things turned out even better than I had thought they would.

With Lady Meika's introduction, she was brought in for a couple of different reasons. The first was of course as a callback to Yuuka's occasional fourth-wall breaking roles as the story's hose. She was even given a bit of a Masterpiece Theater flair with the chair, the fireplace, and the piano music. Of course, I was playing around a bit with the frequent teases that this was the Yuuka from the future, with the plants, the sunflower logo, the hair color, and the manner of speaking.

But there were also several hints that she was someone new, such as her eye color, her various magical instruments, and her contemptuous condemnation of Yuuka's previous antics. Plus, you know, Mima's hat on her mantle.

…

Foreshadowing!

Anyways, of course I can't go into too much detail about who she is and what she has to do with the story, but suffice to say it's very important and you ain't gonna find out for a super, duper long time. Because that how it works in TakerFoxx land, apparently!

=ahem=

Moving on to the Dragons, this is one part that I feel I could have done better. I mean, the dudes get built up big time over the course of the entire series, get a big, badass entrance, and…spend the whole thingamajig basically getting knocked around, bitching at Yukari, and eventually accidentally killing a bunch of innocent people before fucking off in a huff. I guess in hindsight it was a priority thing. My main focus was the Yuuka vs. Rin Satsuki fight and making it as crazy over-the-top as possible, whereas the Dragons (and Angels, come to think of it) were admittedly…mostly written on autopilot. Though to be fair, given just how many freaking factions there are in this story, some will end up getting the shaft as I don't exactly have George RR Martin's talent for balancing so many names and making them all feel important. So yeah, something to work on in the future.

Same applies to Mima. It may be just me, but I do kind of feel like I dropped the ball with her. It probably isn't a good idea to point out flaws in my own writing, but hell with it. See, for most of the story, she went on and on about the importance of simple, yet effective, plans rather than big, grandiose showings that have a tendency to blow up in your face. And yet her she is using a plan that has way too many moving parts, leaves too much up to chance, and is way too expensive for relatively little gain. Granted, she did come out ahead in the end, but…I dunno. While it wouldn't have benefited the story much, it would have been more consistent to just have her assassinate Reimu at the earliest opportunity, collapse the Scarlet Devil Mansion and the Palace of Earth Spirits, and then just bugger off before Yukari could find her. So, I'd say I have a few more things to think about for her future characterization.

Okay, moving on from the self-deprecation. Moving over to the Taoists, a lot of people were confused about why exactly Miko would be helping Mima in the first place. That one was easy enough: because there was something that Miko wanted that only Mima could provide. The connections between Miko and Prince Shoutoku were already explicit, with even ZUN saying that they were literally the same person in the Touhou canon. So, explain the gender flip to be some kind of curse, have Mima promise to break that curse, and give her (or him? Pronouns are really confusing in this case), and let Miko's desperation do the rest. Everyone has a price, after all.

That rather nasty Yuuka scene went much better than the previous two, which is sort of funny. Because even as much as I've soured on her character over the years, she is still the easiest one to write for. I personally compare her to an entitled primadonna who drives the director nuts but still shines in every scene she's given, which leaked into many of her postmodern bits. But anyway, that scene was mainly to serve two purposes. The first was to confirm exactly what happened to the shards of Marisa's mordite blade, give Yuuka an understandable reason for having it around, and Chekov's gun it into the mansion for further use. The second was to again destroy any last bit of sympathy she might have had, as she is now outright abusing Elly, the one person she has been treating decently. Hey, if someone's gonna get their ass kicked, then I want to make it as deserving as possible.

The scene with Yukari and the Angels was mostly just to remind everyone of where everything stood, so I'll just skim over it. However, in regards to that little bombshell Shinki dropped at the end…Ah, hell with it. Barely anyone reads these anyway, so why not? SORTA SPOILER WARNING!

Yes, Yukari has (or had) a son.

That son married Hakurei Sonozika over her objections, leading to their estrangement (though they were already on rocky terms to begin with).

Things escalated to the point that Yukari disowned him completely and actually went to the Angels for help in twisting reality enough so that she would forget that he even exists. Part of it was selfishness, part of it was that she knew that she would have to keep working with the Hakurei family from then on and didn't want to be tempted to wipe them off the face of the earth, but ended up setting the tone for her relationship with them anyway. She's repeatedly drawn to them but everything eventually goes wrong every time. And by the way, that's the reason she couldn't seem to remember who Hakurei's husband was during her and Yuyuko's drunken conversation, despite knowing the spouses and lovers of every other Hakurei by name.

No, there was never any price set by the Angels for Gensokyo's creation. No, they're not nearly as bad as Yukari made them out to be. Yes, she is completely deluding herself without even knowing it. The mind is weird like that.

Anyway, I don't think that's too much of a spoiler, since it's been hinted at multiple times and now has been stated pretty explicitly. Suffice to say, it'll play in pretty heavily later on.

See? This is why people should read the author's notes, for all those juicy, behind the scene details!

Anyway, Patchouli's scene was mainly to spend some last few moments with her before she got offed, as well as remind people that that generator thingy was in fact still a thing in case it's needed later. That scene with Koakuma changing her armor was just one of those spur of the moment bits that have come to be my favorite parts of writing, though admittedly the part where she ended up with the Serpentine Marauder armor wasn't a hint that she was a double agent, like some people thought. It was just another thing that happened at the last minute that made sense at the time and was used to increase the drama. As for Meiling's mention of hiring guards to hold down the fort, that was another detail that was used to explain away a logical problem with the plot (Sakuya would never leave the SDM undefended like that. Or, well, at least not under those circumstances) that later ended up working out as it gave us Meiling with a bazooka. More on that later. And of course we had Mima disguised as Yukari already playing the SDM and the PoES crew against each other, because that's what she does.

Speaking of which, during the Palace of Earth Spirits scene, the bit with Jun and Orin was mainly to bring Koishi more in line with her canon portrayal as a subconscious blank, as well as build some character development for Jun. I try to avoid relying on OC's in IM since there's so many canon characters to use, but I felt he needed a little something, considering how much he was going to be used in the chapters to come. Though hey, funny story. I was actually going to fill their team with Undertale characters, such as Asgore, Muffet, and Undyne. The reason I didn't is that I felt it would stand out too much and distract from the important stuff, but I compromised by sticking a billy-goat and a fish youkai in there anyway, and had Mima!Yukari mention being filled with determination. As for Clover, I swear to God I could never keep her damned name straight and kept calling her Cato for some reason.

And then we cut back to poor Elly. I admit, originally I didn't have much for her, and had planned for her to be more of a jealous asshole. But she's grown into a much more sympathetic character than I had expected, and I did end up changing a lot of my plans for her as a result.

Skipping over more Mima and Seiga commentary that I don't have anything to say about, we have our party of hapless dupes, bickering amongst themselves and nearly getting killed while still managing to kick ass, as Mima intended. I admit, I did try to handle the bit about Rin's prison with care. I try to watch my step whenever the subject of religion comes up, so destroying a bunch of religious symbols was something I had to be careful about. Still, the part where Sakuya regrets doing so does feel a little out of character, and probably should have been done by someone like Meiling or Utsuho.

That being said, I really like how Rin's reveal came out. Her primary role in this whole thing was an ass-kicker, and her bursting out of the crystal (which, yes, was made from the remains of Patchouli's box) helped to establish just how dangerous she is, as well as leave things on a nice cliffhanger, with her hanging from the ceiling, Sakuya's neck in her hands, and in a really, really bad mood.

Anyway, that's it for this chapter! Tune in tomorrow for the next!

[themoneybuff-blog]

Passive income vs. passion income

Shares 167 When I was a younger man back before I founded Get Rich Slowly in 2006 I was intrigued by the idea of creating passive income. While passive income isnt exactly a get rich quick scheme (and boy was I intrigued boy those back then!), theres certainly some overlap. Both passive income and get rich quick schemes appeal to lazy people like my younger self, people looking for ways to make money for nothing. What Is Passive Income?

Passive income, as the term implies, is money you earn on a regular basis with little or no effort required to maintain the cash flow after the income stream has begun. Common examples of passive income include rental properties, royalties from books (and other published work), and profitable businesses that you own but in which you have little (or no) active involvement. My interest in passive income started early in life. When I was a boy, my father was drawn to the promise of easy money. (See? This is another example of how we inherit our money blueprints from our parents.) Dad was a serial entrepreneur, as Ive mentioned before, but he was also drawn to multi-level marketing schemes. Multi-level marketing schemes lure victims participants with the dream of big bucks for minimal effort. Sure, you have to set up your own operation by recruiting customers and a stable of salespeople, but once you do so the story goes you can sit back and relax as the money pours in! Like my father, I too was drawn to these schemes when I was younger. My first job out of college, for instance, was a multi-level marketing scheme disguised as an insurance company. On a daily basis, the job entailed going door to door trying to sell hospitalization insurance (that was essentially worthless), but the folks who really made money did so because they recruited salespeople who worked under them. The top managers made plenty of passive income because of the pyramid nature of the program. That said, passive income is not inherently slimy. In fact, its a terrific concept worth your attention. Note: My favorite legit book about passive income is The Incredible Secret Money Machine by Don Lancaster. (Heres my review.) My dad bought a copy of this book when it came out in 1978, and I read it several times as a kid. (I still have Dads old copy signed by Mr. Lancaster himself!) If youre at all interested in legitimate sources of passive income, you should read the updated version of this book, which is available for free at the authors website. The Power of Passive Income The truth is that if you can create multiple streams of income that operate without effort on your part, these streams can be terrific supplements to your regular job. Actually, the crossover point, an integral part of Financial Independence theory derived from the classic book Your Money or Your Life, is built around passive income: The Crossover Point provides us with our final definition of Financial Independence. At the Crossover Point, where monthly investment income exceeds your monthly expenses, you will be financially independent in the traditional sense of that term. You will have passive income from a source other than a job.

At the moment, I currently enjoy several small sources of passive income: Each month, I receive between $30 and $50 from sales of Your Money: The Missing Manual, the book I published in 2010. (I earn about a buck per book.)Similarly, I get about $100 to $200 each month from sales of the Get Rich Slowly course. My share of each sale ranges from $8 to $40 depending on a variety of factors.Im earning a tiny bit of revenue from a variety of websites that Ive abandoned or neglected.Kim is paying me $500 per month to vest into ownership of the house.My top source of passive income comes from interest and dividends on my investment portfolio. In the past, Ive also received passive income through other sources such as business loans. (I loaned money to my familys box factory, for example, so the company could purchase a piece of machinery. The interest on that loan was passive income.) There are folks who are under the impression that Get Rich Slowly itself is a source of passive income. Hahaha. Nope. Not even close. For one thing, theres nothing passive about running this site. Its a full-time job, especially if I want it to be good. Plus, while Get Rich Slowly is generating revenue right now, its operating at a loss and not a profit. (So, I guess you could say that GRS is a source of active expense rather than passive income. Ha.) What Is Passion Income? During my short summer break last week, I took a morning drive to visit some friends. Jillian and Adam from Montana Money Adventures were passing through Portland during their 10-week mini retirement. I spent a couple of hours eating breakfast with them and their five kids. Jillian was amused at how she kept burning the pancakes. (This isnt my usual pancake batter. Im used to Krusteaz, she said. So am I.)

After breakfast, Adam took their troop for a hike. Jillian and I sat by the campfire and recorded a video that shell use sometime in the future at her website. We chatted about travel (or course) and blogging (of course) and early retirement (of course). But then Jillian steered the conversation in an interesting direction. We were talking about how retirement isnt always what people expect it to be, whether they retire early or not. A lot of folks quit their jobs to find that theyre life is without purpose, that theyre bored. Thats why I encourage my readers and clients to pursue passion income, Jillian said. Passion income? Do you mean passive income? I asked. No, Jillian said. I mean passion income. Passive income is great, and if you can find a way to get some, you should do it. But passion income is something completely different. Passion income is money you generate by simply doing what you love. Thats interesting, I said. And passion income is different for everyone, Jillian said. For one person, their passion income might come from creating art. For another person, it might come from consulting. For another, it might involve doing carpentry on the weekend. For you, its Get Rich Slowly. The key, though, is that passion income combines what youre good at, what you like to do, and what matters to you. The Power of Passion Income I said good-bye to Jillian and her family, then headed home. But along the drive, I continued to think about the notion of passion income. Its an idea that Ive espoused for a while but never had a term for it. When I got back to the house, I dug through the archives at Montana Money Adventures to read more about the concept. So far, Jillian has three articles about passion income: Jillian says that passion income is derived from things that (a) are in your natural skill set or match your core competency, (b) you love the outcome and feel like youre making a difference, and (c) give space for other important things in your life. Shes created the following Venn diagram to show what she means:

While neither Jillian nor I would argue that you should do what you love and the money will follow, I think we both agree that in an ideal world youd make money by doing something you enjoy. This might be difficult if youre currently in the middle of a specific career trajectory, but its much easier after youve retired. After youve left the traditional workplace, you have the freedom to make choices more aligned with your self and your vision. Pursuing passion income whether its through art, a hobby, or work in your community can be an excellent way to take pressure off your retirement savings while also giving yourself a sense of purpose. Thinking about it, thats really why I bought back Get Rich Slowly. My hope is that this blog will be a source of passion income (not passive income). And once I get the monetization thing figured out, I think it will be. Combining Passive Income with Passion Income The great thing, Jillian says, is that you can pursue both passive income and passion income. That might mean doing something painting, writing a book that fits in both categories. Your work might fit in that passion income sweet spot, but then produce residual passive income in the future. Or, that might mean pursuing multiple sources of income, some out of passion and some that are passive. (She points out that the happiest retirees average eight streams of income. Im not sure the source of that stat, but its interesting. And it makes sense. When you have diverse income sources, theres less risk to you if one of them dries up.) Why even worry about passive income and passion income? Recently, I wrote about the struggle some people face to figure out how much to spend in retirement. While some people overspend, theres a sizable population that underspends. Theyre afraid to touch their nest egg. Passion income alleviates the pain of spending. You get to work at something you love while also earning some money. And spending this money isnt painful, unlike spending out of your investment accounts. Another benefit of passion income? If youre able to generate ongoing revenue with work that you love whether its part time or full time youre able to quit your career much sooner than you would on a traditional early retirement path. If you can earn $1000 per month by building picnic tables, for example, thats $300,000 less you need to save for retirement (given standard assumptions). As I near fifty, Im still intrigued by the idea of passive income. I probably always will be. But the older I get, the more vocal I am that people should consider creating sources of passion income. Finding a way to earn even a little bit of money by doing something you love can not only be fun, but it can also help you reach retirement sooner or make your current retirement less stressful. Shares 167 https://www.getrichslowly.org/passive-income-vs-passion-income/

[noir-di-gio]

I'm in love with a pair of Hazel Eyes

..and it feels so good. Her name is Maria. Maria Christina Figurelli. God, I love saying her name, it fills my heart with such joy and puts a smile on my face instantly. For nearly a whole month, we kept each other a secret for reasons. But now, its all out there, and we both felt relieved. We made it publicly known on Sunday 3/19 with two simple Instagram photos and a couple snapchat stories, and the reception has been amazing for the most part. Many of my friends are commenting, snapping, texting me, congratulating me, wishing Maria and I the best. 

She went on a retreat called Kiaros - it’s sort of like a “find yourself with God” retreat. For three days, zero phone use. I was being tortured. She was finding God while he was tormenting me. But I decided to use it to my advantage. I made her a video. The video highlighted our moments so far, to our favorite song that reminds me of her everytime - Youforia by Mac Miller. But I didnt stop there. For a whole week while the video was being made, I bought her a picture frame, and downloaded some pictures we took together, found one I thought she would like, and put it in a frame for her bedroom. So a video, a frame, and a gift card to AMC movies to see Beauty and the Beast, her favorite Disney movie of all time. On Saturday when she was coming home, I received a text from her father, asking If I was interested in surprising Maria. Absolutely. No questions asked. He told me to meet at a Coldstone when they concluded dinner. I waited for two hours in excitement, pacing around my room, the house, my energy slowly starting to build. I can feel the love starting to take over. Once Dad gave me the all-clear I flew to Coldstone. Quite literally speeding as fast as I could to see her, and at this point if I got a ticket, I already had a good reason why - “My girlfriend just came home from a retreat and Im so excited to see her - because im in love officer”. 

I pulled into Coldstone behind her parents mini-van, she didnt know it. I backed it in to a spot (her parents knock me for that everytime) and put my lights on. She looked at my car, but didnt realize it was me. Her father saw my car though. When she walked into Coldstone, I sat there for 2 minutes wondering how to do it. Finally, I saw her Dad sneakily looking outside towards my car and I couldnt wait anymore. I jumped out of the car and (as hard as it was) walked calmly to the door. Her Dad and Mom saw me coming while Maria had her backed turned. I opened the door, (this is where Im cheesing like an idiot and starting to tear up as I write this), and finally. She turned around, her jaw dropped - “…MICHAEL!”. She ran into my arms and we didnt let go for a good 12 seconds. She kissed me and we hugged for a while longer. “Okay Okay thats enough!” her dad told me. You would have thought I just came back from the war or something with how excited she was. She had ZERO clue. I joined her parents, her brother, and of course Maria for some ice cream and conversation. I can feel her parents starting to warm up to me, and I can feel her love radiate off of her. I acted like I didnt see it, but she was taking pictures of me, looking at me, I’ve never had this treatment before. 

We drove home, sang our favorite songs, and went to her house. We exchanged gifts. She loved all three gifts. But then there was a surprise for me - a letter she wrote for me while on her retreat. She was writing letters to those who meant something to her, and when she read her dozen letters, she immediately wrote one to me. 

This letter…. This letter. I couldnt believe what I was reading. This girl is truly utterly obsessed and in love with me. She wrote that she couldnt live without me, and how she didnt know how she lived her life without me. When did I ever have a girl tell me all of this? Never. I was moved to tears, and that has NEVER happened to me before. I couldnt believe it. Finally - a girl feels the exact same way I feel about her. This is true love. I sat with her mom for an hour and a half just talking about everything. Maria got me to ride a hoverboard. I looked dumb as hell but it made her happy. Her mom schooled me on that board.

Sunday was my mother’s birthday dinner and cake night. Maria came, but of course a surprise was involved. Dinner got done at 545, and I was suppose to get her at 6:45 from church. But I was determined to finally hear her sing. I got to church at 6:02, jumped in the first spot and ran into church. I walk in and she starts. She didnt see it, but the minute I walked into church…. 

I froze at the door. I couldnt move. People were staring at me.

But I just watched. That was my girlfriend. Everyone hear’s her voice. That’s MY Girl. I felt such an immense amount of pride. Her voice… is… immaculate. She hates her voice, but I love it. I wish I was recording her singing. I can hear her voice singing in my head, and in my heart. I become so warm and happy. Just thinking about her voice is enough for me. To witness it? Unmatched. 

I swear to you, I felt God more than ever yesterday. I legitimately felt like he was next to me for the first time in my life while I watched her sing. I can already see it - he was standing next to me just watching me watch her. 

To my surprise, her dad and brother were playing guitar while she sang. I was so moved. I spent the next 45 minutes staring. Listening. Loving. with crossed legs because I had to pee SO bad. But I didnt want to miss a minute of her voice. Her mom is an EM, and actually gave out communion to me. She was surprised to see me and smiled. After mass, I walked over to Maria, she was very surprised to see me, and I told her how much I loved her voice. Oh my god.

We head to my mom’s, she forgets the gift. We turn back to get it, shes apologizing but I didnt care because it was more time with her. We get home and she meets everyone. Mia, Dana, Justin, Tom. For some reason, she hasnt ran away yet to thats good! We enjoyed cake, opened gifts, played some games, and took pictures. Maria and I got her a nail treatment, and Maria got her mug for her new coffee machine. My mom told me after the night was over that Maria was the reason she smiled again after having such a rough day. 

After pictures, we found each other laying down. And i felt something. I felt… at peace. Theres just these little things she does that make me fall in love with her more and more. She plays with my hair when I drive, she kisses my hand, she wraps her arm around me, I can feel it in her touch, this is real. We shared some alone time on the couch. We kissed…. alot. We were just so locked into each other. I can feel her touch still. I can feel her love radiate through her touch, through her lips, through her smile and her eyes.I held her close, and whispered to her. “I promise to always love you” *kiss* “Cherish you” *kiss* “Protect you” *kiss* “and always be there for you”. I can see it in her eyes, this is love.

The drive to her house, I fought back tears. Tears of happiness. She couldnt believe it. This girl just means the world to me, I cant tell her enough anymore. And im never going to stop. I wish I could tell her everyday in person when she wakes up in the morning and every night when she sleeps, and every night in her dreams. One day I will be able to.

Maria as you read this, I want to tell you again. I will ALWAYS cherish the treasure you are. I will ALWAYS protect you from whatever life throws at us. I will ALWAYS be there for you. 

But most importantly..

I will ALWAYS Love you with all my heart. 

I love you Maria Christina Figurelli. Here is to a lifetime of happiness, laughter, and love.