#i feel like their chemistry really does make me feel like he's less experienced when it comes to love?

[cerealbishh]

He's been searching for a mate And now it looks like fate A gift from God above!

🎥: @starcuffedjeans

[monstercampus]

Ellie help I have werewolf brain rot and Kirk has been living in my mind rent free the past few nights 😩 please tell me more about him, does he have a secret soft side or is being mean his love language and you know he cares about you if he's giving you a hard time? Why does he live in a dorm by himself? Where is he on the possessive scale? Honestly just tell me everything you know about him so I can simp to the best of my ability 🥺😫🙏

And actually while I'm here, anything about Elliott or Julian would also be tasty 👀👀👀 forgive me for the werewolf team fic altered my brain chemistry and I may never be the same

absolutely !! !!!!! i am at your mercy uwu <33 (this is mostly stream of consciousness so if u want more i am READY)

(cws: kirk being a sap + lore)

Kirk is very much that way--giving you a hard time is generally how he shows he cares about you. He's only truly mean to those he doesn't care about, and trust that there is a difference even when you get frustrated over his attitude in the beginning. He didn't grow up with a lot of love in his household so it's really not his area of expertise, he never really learned how to show it and only started experiencing affection when he joined the pack and made friends with all the other werewolves. Being snuggled, having his hair stroked instead of pulled, listening to his friends talk about him being handsome and smart even if he's got a shitty attitude.....it's weird to him. He doesn't hate it deep down, but he hates how it makes him feel vulnerable when he doesn't want to be.

'Vulnerable' is barely even in his vocabulary, which is why he comes at you with so much heat at first. He'd been hoping and praying that you two could boink, have a good time, and then you would pretend like it never happened so he wouldn't have to face any of those feelings he has when he looks at you. But when you don't, and when you're just so sweet, Kirk can't handle it and has to revert to what he knows: being a dick. Not nearly to the extent of how he is with other people, but just enough to keep you at arm's length in his constant fear that you're gonna end up making him feel like he isn't totally worthless. Because what would he do then? He's accepted the role of being an irredeemable, raging douchebag for pretty much all his life. He's got an attitude, his temper is awful, he doesn't consider himself that good-looking, he's got some of the worst grades out of the whole pack, he fixates on things and lets them consume all his thoughts, and he hasn't even got any palate to boot and will eat just about anything, even if it's on the verge of spoiling. He's total garbage and he's friends with a pack of people that couldn't be more perfect; Julian is incredibly charming, Portia's practically a genius, Nick is insanely handsome, Elliott is so gentle and really funny, Priam is a total sweetheart and Athos is the pinnacle of cool in his eyes. How could he even think of measuring up to all that, much less stick out among the rest and prove he's worth even a little bit of your love?

That may be the most frustrating part about Kirk--he can be the prickliest guy you know and he would die before he ever says those things out loud, but he seriously admires his friends and you yet he has little to no belief in himself. Granted, growing up he would've gotten his ass beat for showing that kind of weakness, so it's still deeply ingrained in him as an adult--especially since the pack are pretty much the first friends he's ever made on his own. And at his core, he's jealous. Jealous of them and their nice families, jealous of how well they all turned out despite going through their own struggles, jealous of how easy it is for them to be open when he's terrified of people finding out he's bi, jealous of you for being so brave and so beautiful in equal measure....so that's why the best thing he can do--in his own opinion of course--is to be your collective guard dog.

After all, Kirk isn't afraid to bite. His instincts are hard to control in his human form, could you even imagine how feral he can get when he's full wolf, or even just close to the full moon? If anything it's what he's good at; hunting, beating ass, and taking a punch. If he can't be as good as you and the others deserve, the least he can do is make sure that sweetness and the goodness of your souls isn't ever dominated by someone else. He'll spill blood, he doesn't care. He would even get suspended if it came to that, expelled, arrested, whatever it takes and he'll let the chips fall where they may. You'll know his love for you is real when he starts acting protective over you, not only when other people try to bother you but as far as your daily needs as well. Have you eaten properly? Are you thirsty? Do you need to sleep? When's the last time you stretched? He acts like it's a favour he's doing for you, like you're a little wolf that needs caring after, but in truth it settles his own self-doubts and makes him happier knowing that he's doing something for you--that he's taking care of you like a mate would, and when you smile at him or thank him for his help he just melts. He would do anything to keep hold of that smile.

.....Which is why he's got a plan in his head for after graduation. He and Nick are the oldest and thus are going to graduate first of all of you, so once that's over and done with he's got plans to start building a place for you all to properly call 'home'. It's nothing crazy--just a cabin in the woods--but if there's one thing he can confidently say he's good at it's woodworking, and he's sketched out the designs to make it everything you could ever want.

Personal rooms for you, him, and Portia who has trouble falling asleep when it's noisy. A big living room with enough sofas to fit you all. Polished oak walls like Julian grew up with and always wanted to see again. A bathtub big enough to fit Nicky's giant, muscly legs without spilling over. Tables and chairs to fit everyone and more, to fit all the family gatherings and maybe even the pups you might have one day. A garden out back where he'll plant those ugly little flowers Elliott loves. Trees and greenery around where they can run and hunt and play during the full moon, totally obscured by the rest of the world. A big fucking chandelier in the dining room to intimidate any friends you bring over that think they're hot enough shit to snatch you. It's gonna be perfect, it's gonna be the one thing he can say he's proud of in practically his whole life. It'll be a gift to all of you for putting up with his assholery for so damn long, for sticking with him even when he couldn't find a single reason why you should.

That's the kind of love Kirk shows. Words don't mean much to him--actions and acts of service are how he expresses his affections, because it's much simpler for him to put work into something he can touch and measure and paint rather than throw some flimsy words around and call it love. Plus, one of the reasons why he lives in his own dorm is because his downtime is incredibly important to him. Usually he would request a private one-bedroom apartment, but this year he was assigned roommates that he very quickly drove away with his annoying habits almost entirely on purpose. If he's not comfortable with someone, then like hell is he going to share an intimate living space with them--and after a long day he just needs time to be completely alone. He has to think, work on his projects, exercise, chew on something, and have no prying eyes around that will impede his progress in trying to figure out how the hell he can try to make himself worthy of being loved by you. A dumb, violent wolf reaching to grab the very moon from the sky.

[arabidfangirl]

Thoughts on Mile and Apo after the KinnPorsche World Tour Manila show:

First, let's talk about their looks...

Apo is the human personification of this meme:

He's so pretty in real life. Like, I know he's already so good-looking in photos and videos but nothing compares to him in person. I literally gasped when I saw him. His beauty is unreal.

Excuse my shitty mobile's camera (I also had to zoom in for this) but I just had to share this man's face.

Mile's physique is so... He's broad. He might not be as broad as he was pre-KP but I finally understood why he looks bigger than Apo even though they're practically the same height. His waist is tiny, too. Kudos to whoever's styling him because his pants do his ass and legs so much justice.

Also, he's really pale. It's funny because he looks like Edward Cullen in my videos because the spotlight on him just created a glare for my camera.

Trust me when I say I made so many attempts at trying to get him to look less glare-y in this video.

Second, let's talk about their stage presence...

Apo was truly born to be a star. The charisma just oozes out of him. I can't pinpoint how exactly, but I just know there was a point during the show where I just had to stop recording to stare at him in awe. I've met celebrities up close and personal before but this was one of the few times I was truly starstruck.

It makes KinnPorsche the Series even more special because the world would've lost this presence from its screens.

Mile, on the other hand, reminds me of that quote about Marilyn Monroe being able to switch her persona on and off. By that I mean, Mile knows when to turn on the charm so all eyes are on him and he knows when to dim it so he doesn't steal the spotlight from others. Like, I don't know how else to say it. I mean, obviously you'd still see him on the stage but it's like he's giving you permission to look away from him for a bit.

I don't know, man... But it does make me curious how'd things would have gone if he decided to pursue his rockstar dreams.

Lastly, let's talk about MileApo...

I'm gonna be real. When I went into this (the concert), I didn't expect to feel the same level of kilig (or giddiness) I experienced watching the show. I figured a lot of those feelings came from the post-prod additions, like background music and romantic editing. Yes, Mile and Apo have chemistry. But that can translate differently when you see them in real life.

(Lemme just give a quick example. I have been a TayNew fan for years. I think they have great chemistry, specifically romantic chemistry. But when I saw them earlier this year, I realized that their "real life" chemistry was very bro-coded. Like, they're really good friends who are very comfortable with each other.)

So imagine my surprise when I realized that Mile and Apo's chemistry off-screen is just as striking. There's a fondness in their interactions with each other that I would posit as something akin to domesticity. There's something so wholesome about it, something so safe and secure... It's hard to put into words but it was like looking at a warm hug shared between two people who've found comfort in each other.

Again, I don't know... This was just my observation. I mean, I'm also a firm believer in the concept of a soulmate doesn't have to be a romantic partner, just someone who makes you whole. It looked like that to me. But hey, you don't have to take my word for it.

[shysublimecoffee]

This represents my personal perspective on the matter, so please don't interpret it as a factual statement. It's an opinion, and there may be exceptions if you explore thoroughly. However, I find the otome isekai genre quite monotonous. The recurring theme of recycling concepts, reusing character designs with a prevalent "same face syndrome," and the prevalence of protagonists resembling each other, particularly the Duke of the North archetype with that clichéd Idol haircut, contribute to a sense of staleness. The majority of flawless female leads with 99% being blonde, with a few exceptions, adds to the predictability.

For me, the transmigration or reincarnation concept caught my attention around 2018, starting with works like "Who Made Me a Princess" and the infamous "They Say I Was Born a King's Daughter," even though I admit my taste was not the best back then.

The idea of taking over someone's body and living their life fascinated me. What made it unique was the perspective shift, allowing us to see many previously despised villains from other stories in a new light, experiencing the narrative from their point of view.

But, this is when it started getting old real quick. My god, how many fucking times am I going to see a good heroine turned evil and the villainous be taking the leftover men from the heroine side and forming a harem. The villainous unfortunately can't be nuanced because all these stories do is just make shit black and white. Our MC can't be held accountable for what they did but sob hard enough and we get an ally to ride behind her.

You know what's incredibly frustrating? These Korean women from the 21st century keep transmigrating into these villainous roles, and it's just downright irritating. They either come off as overly naive or stick to the tired narrative of being an office worker who suddenly becomes wealthy and tramples over others. It lacks uniqueness, and seriously, what do we really know about the female lead (FL) beyond the prologue? Who is she? What's her home life like? Does she want to return? These are questions I want answers to, but we're not given the chance because the focus remains on the villainous character. Even that aspect isn't executed well; they end up softening her character and making her more compliant than she was in the original story just to avoid a bad ending. I'm more intrigued by understanding the backstory of the actual original villainous character.

The male lead (ML) seriously disappoints. I get it, this genre revolves around romance, but let's get real for a moment—do we genuinely care about this so-called "romance"? What truly matters is the chemistry between characters that makes us feel, cry, and get infuriated, and that's what a story should evoke. Worse than a bad boy ML is a downright boring male lead. Whether it's the Duke of the North or any other generic character, they all feel like mere props catering to the female lead, and that's painfully dull.

I couldn't care less because these MLs exist solely to assist her in everything, whether it's for revenge, to play the savior, or to be the healer. Nothing feels genuine; there's no emotional investment in the romance for me. I'm not overjoyed by the idea of them being together. Many readers seem more fixated on their aesthetics and how well he serves her, but let's be honest—their designs are unimaginative, resembling countless other MLs and MCs. Frankly, I wish more effort were put into creating distinct and captivating characters.

No matter how much one might criticize the toxicity of old-school Shojou romances and the portrayal of male leads, I absolutely loved it. Sure, the romance might not be ideal, but that's precisely what makes it fun and enjoyable to read. The characters have their quirks and distinct personalities, creating their own unique dynamics that add to the charm of the story unlike the former.

Transmigration/Reincarnation is so barley touched in a genre surrounding that very concept. It's like they dip into a puddle but don't expand on the horrors or intrigue of anything really and they be explaining everything from the prologue instead of letting us breathe. We don't settle or sit with the characters and writers are far more interested in miscommunication. It's why I like manga because you get beautiful scenes of just peace or character introspection than you would in colored format.

If there's one story that truly captivated me and made me fall in love with this particular brand of Otome Isekai, it's "A Stepmother's Märchen." It may not be a masterpiece, but the deliberate and slow-paced narrative, reminiscent of a novel, along with the meticulous attention to depicting a semi-realistic high society, drew me in. The story offers complex and conflicted characters, and the stunning art, which interestingly mirrors European illustration outside of the main cast, adds to its appeal. Of course, it's not without its flaws, but the beauty of the narrative has made it stand out to me even years later. It's not a one-note copy it did it own thing that I wish OI did more.

Kill the Villanous,

Death is the ending the villanous

I appreciate how these stories took the isekai concept and added their unique twists. It's refreshing, and I wish more writers would follow suit. While I understand that Otome Isekai is primarily about wish fulfillment, I also crave narratives that offer more than just that. A well-crafted story with thoughtful character development would be a welcome addition to the genre because it sticks out to me more. I don't remember OI titles but for me to remember those is because the concept were different from the usual OH no I woke up in the villain body.

[brujitaadinbo]

I really love how Din this season with his dialogues leaves so many clues to follow; I'm telling you, at first you don't understand it, but look at it again, I swear… words have great content when you know when and where to use them.

"We Mandalorians pride ourselves on our discretion" And here he is telling you; When we talk about these clear but subtle winks and signals, it's not because "um, of course I just want to pair them up as if we were teenagers and just letting ourselves go" and be careful, it's not an insult, on the contrary… we should all keep that part of that adolescent spirit that we once lived, makes us see "the essentials" The essential is invisible to the eyes… If we mention these signals in their interaction it is because they are giving them and do not expect this to be a Kdrama or a Mexican soap opera because it is not going to happen either LOL relax!!!

The fact that they show us these types of interactions in Mandalorians is practically a blessing!! You can't just wait for them to be war toys; You are wrong if you think they are just that. They have a meaning and a reason A romance, love, feelings, fatherhood or motherhood, unions, etc… etc They do not make them less rude, less strong, imposing or less Mandalorian. I think that minimizing is more of a personal projection of low self-esteem, but anyway… if they talk about tastes, let's talk about tastes… You won't see the Mandalorians buying ice cream on a romantic date or in a moment with those dyes but

If you will see them in battle, sharing weapons, kicking ass, saving each other, protecting each other, because we are so used to those "romantic clichés" that we criticize or criticize so much AHHH but if we do not see them projected or materialized in a relationship

Ohh, what a time, there is no kiss, there is no romance, there is no chemistry! Ohh, I didn't give her flowers, I didn't stay with her on Mandalore, obviously there is no chemistry. HAHA

Well, look what I'm telling you, the images are clear, strengthening friendship has many areas of opportunity. And well, love, romantic feelings, romance or whatever you want to call it, are also manifested in

support others, be helpful and I don't mean that it's like a job, save them even from their darkest moments and not just from some physical danger, console them, ask them about their day, about their life, about their loved ones, get involved in his affairs and help him, among his people, between his traditions and customs, agree on the purposes, work as a team, be kind, take care of what he loves most, give him what he longs for so much… you see what I mean… mmm curious right? That also happened with Din and Bo… You do not believe me? Let's talk about it but stay objective, ok

Definitely and as I said before; They are things that do not take anything away from you, on the contrary they make you stronger, brighter in the face of adversity and powerful enemies. That they criticize the age, which is absurd because they don't even get along that much, nor the distance, nor the responsibilities, nor the children, nor blah, blah… I see more that they continue to project themselves Sorry but try to heal your wounds, hater friend and you will see that the world is beautiful for everyone. Dimming the shine of others does not make you great, on the contrary, and you are missing out on living a good life, believe me. causally, all these inconveniences are experienced in real life, in real couples and relationships, whoever it may be… and I see many moving forward, happy, living fully. When the intention and desire are there and seen… nothing else matters. This is how it is in SW and in our everyday life. For my part, I will not get off this ship.

By the way; casually friends don't have that physical closeness… like what was seen LOL I'm Mexican and I know what I'm talking about I know when a friend is a friend and I'm sorry, that's too much for a friend and a friend… crashing beskar clear for friendship!! Haha

[valoeaera]

Mistakes Were Made - Meryl Wilsner

Hook/Gimmick: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Pacing: ⭐⭐ Leads: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Side Characters: ⭐⭐⭐ Spice:🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Overall: A Tier

This book has less of a “meet-cute” and more of a “meet-sexy”, as the first 10 or so pages are basically all smut (not necessarily a bad thing!). College senior Cassie and doctor Erin meet in a college bar and end up having a one-night stand in Erin’s rental car (🥵). The twist comes when Erin meets her daughter, Parker, and Parker’s friend for breakfast the next morning and discovers that her daughter’s friend is Cassie! Hi-jinks ensue. This book is often labeled the “MILF book” and that hook definitely holds true. The taboo romance is very fun, but does bring me out of the story at a couple points, with the concert scene, shower scene, and a couple other small portions being particularly immersion-breaking.

The pacing definitely suffers in act 2. The book has a lot to cover between the spice scenes, Parker’s family drama, Cassie’s college life, both leads generally sneaking around, a job interview process, and did I mention spice scenes? Parker kind of disappears from the book around this time too, which is disappointing, but given the reason which is given in act 3, it makes sense. She comes back later when the characters need to reconcile and go public with their relationship, and the story gets a lot better when she does. Act 3 felt a touch rushed as a result, I really would have liked more of the book with Erin and Cassie being public, if only because I want the best for them and I think their dynamic is mostly pretty cute.

Erin and Cassie’s relationship reads well, for the most part. The chemistry is there, both romantically and sexually, for me at least. The one thing that stuck out to me is that Erin feels a touch immature for a 38-year-old. Maybe this is intentional and kind of brings the characters’ maturity closer together as Cassie also acts a bit older than she is, but it brought me out of the story a bit. This was most true during one of the spice scenes towards the beginning of act 2 (the shower one), but that could just be a me thing. The end of act 1/beginning of act 2 takes place during an extended stay at Erin’s house where Parker is present for most of the stay. This was, in my opinion, where the leads were at their worst. For one, Cassie is somewhat coerced into coming on the trip, experiencing a lot of pressure from Parker and Erin to go, which rubbed me the wrong way with Cassie’s financial instability being a recurring plot point. Also, Erin treats Cassie and Parker similarly in a couple of spots in this section (buying them matching pajamas and nursing them while sick), which gave me a little ick as these acts are framed as motherly towards Parker and sexy/romantic towards Cassie. I liked that act 3 has the leads interacting away from Erin’s house, which shifts the power dynamic at least a little bit in Cassie’s direction, which I felt was sorely needed earlier in the book. These two get a lot better when they are able to be openly dating, as I said earlier.

The side characters are mostly positive for the story. Acacia is in the truly terrible position of having to hear two sides of this story. At first, she only hears it from Cassie, whom she tells that sleeping with Erin is a terrible idea. Then, as we find out later, she also hears it from Parker, which is why both characters, Parker especially, kind of disappear for a bit of the book. Parker is, justifiably, pretty upset when she realizes that her mom and her friend are romantically and sexually involved and the two have some fights and stop being friends. She and Acacia kinda have to figure out how to forgive Cassie and Erin for lying to Parker and sneaking around, which I liked that the book dealt with instead of waving it away. Both are fantastic friends to Cassie. Erin’s ex-husband, Adam(?), sucks though. I understand that he’s this book’s version of the third act breakup, but he’s really not got much of a dog in this race so-to-speak, other than generally caring for Parker’s well-being. Dude blows up immediately without asking anyone how they feel about it, including Parker. What an ass.

Lastly, the spice. Holy moly, the spice. This book has, with one exception (we’ll get to you later!) the most spice of any romance I’ve read at 8(?). It’s honestly really well written in my opinion; Wilsner is probably my second favorite author I’ve read in this department. I really enjoyed that both women were in dominant/submissive roles as opposed to occupying one role exclusively. I felt like this was a very good choice with the age gap, as Cassie being solely dominant would have felt strange and Erin being solely dominant would have felt like a little too much power-imbalance for me. I believe this is the only book I’ve read with a strap scene at time of writing, and I know they can be controversial, but I enjoyed this one. These two have very cute chemistry in most of the scenes and the author doesn’t get carried away with the innuendo like some other authors I’ve read. I suppose it helps that Wilsner didn’t need to come up with a nice way of saying cock. Also uh, I’m just going to leave this quote here for…. No reason.

"Cassie, please." Erin gasped.

Cassie pulled out and thrusted again, adding a twist of her hips at the end, and Erin cried out. Her legs were trembling, her hands still clutching the blankets.

"You can move, Erin," Cassie said. "Fuck me back."

Anyway, this book was pretty good and I’d recommend it if you don’t mind either reading only at home or blushing in public!

[gillianthecat]

I appreciate everyone's good advice to just drop the damn thing, but for some reason I feel compelled to keep watching Candy Color Paradox, and then complain about it. It's feeling like my experience watching War of Y, although they are very different shows, in that I'm fascinated by it's successes and failures. And I now want to find out what the show ends up saying (either intentionally or not) about the morality of paparazzi journalism. I did notice that two minutes after I paused to write my last post Kaburagi was questioning the ethics of what they did and how it impacted their subject, so I have some hope that the show is at least trying to say something.

However to avoid polluting the tags with my negativity for people who are enjoying the show, I'll keep my criticism below readmores.

Before I get into that, are the editors at the magazine trying to match-make Kaburagi and Onoe? 🤔Because they keep singing the praises of each of them to the other one. 👀

I think the biggest problem for me is that I just don't think the actors are very good. According to MDL they're both idols and don't have much previous acting experience, and I can tell. They're both trying their best, but there is this awkward amateurism to their acting that is distracting me and makes the characters feel less real. I'm just now watching the scene with Congressman's secretary, and it's clear just how much more comfortable this older actor is on screen (at least before he sexually assaults Onoe). He moves and talks and inhabits his body in this unselfconscious way that is engaging to watch. And in the scene when Onoe is talking to his bartender friend, Masayan, my eyes kept being drawn to the bartender, even though all he was doing was listening and nodding. But he just seemed so much present and real.

I bring these two other (much more experienced) actors up because it affirmed for me that it wasn't just my imagination. Both young actors have this tentativeness to their physicality, which really doesn't work for the supposedly cool and dominating Kaburagi, but neither does it feel like it matches the awkwardness that Onoe has. It feels like the actor's own awkwardness, rather than the character's, somehow. It doesn't help matters that they both seem made-up and styled like idols rather than journalists. They just both look so young.

They're not terrible, they both have some nice moments, and Onoe's face especially is growing on me. I think he's the stronger actor, actually, he has this wonderful wide-eyed way of looking at Kaburagi that temporarly creates the illusion that these two have chemistry. The roles I suspect are actually deceptively hard to do well, balancing complex emotions with slapstick comedy. I'm not an actor, but I imagine that's something that requires a lot of experience to pull off well. But it does mean that the chemistry isn't really there, that Kaburagi's philosophical musings feel shallow instead of like insights into a moral crisis, and that Onoe's panic about falling in love doesn't ring true for me.

And oh my god that final sex scene in the car, there was no connection there, it felt like they were each in their own world, not like they were reacting to each other. Which I get, it probably feels much safer for the actors to approach it that way. But it's so obvious on screen. At least a JBL is willing to portray sexuality on screen, I guess? Next step is helping inexperienced actors get comfortable with it. (Eternal Yesterday and Utsukushii Kare were on a different level all together, production and direction wise, and the actors in Old Fashion Cupcake are such pros that they probably could have managed it on their own, though I imagine they had support. And thus concludes the list of JBL I've seen that have attempted more than dead fish kisses.)

The other problem is a mismatch of my expectations and what the show actually is. I keep wanting it to be more serious; it touches upon these complex issues—the sexual assault, ethics in journalism, Kaburagi's feelings about trading sexual favors for information—and then glancing right off of them. Whereas I keep hoping for them to dig in. But it seems very devoted to it's yaoi roots, particularly with a sexually aggressive seme and a blushing maiden uke, and not interested in going much deeper.

And since this is my space to vent, I just watched another show where a completely untrained person was miles better at tailing people and taking covert photos than than these two are. The shows are completely different in tone and budget, so perhaps it's not fair to compare, but it did make me laugh. (I don't want to spoil that show, though it's barely a spoiler, but it's this one for anyone curious.)

[thatswhatsushesaid]

hard/soft head canons for jgy pls (or if u have one for jgy already in ur inbox, gimme ur hcs about sms!)

I do not have one for jgy yet!! but bless u because I love talking about him for literally any reason

I have a few hard headcanons for jgy! which, to be clear, is not the same as saying that this is what I believe the canon itself indisputably says; it is just that this is the interpretation of the text that I find most supportable and enjoyable, and which I like to work with in fic and RP. anyway, I'll list them out and try to be succinct:

I don't think jgy killed jrs, for all the reasons that I've written about already, as well as for the many reasons outlined in other people's thoughtful meta. I think he thought about it and contemplated how he might do it even before the assassination attempt, but I don't think he did it.

jgy didn't hate mo xuanyu and wasn't afraid of jgs replacing him with mxy specifically. he is also not the source of the rumours regarding mo xuanyu sexually harassing him, because no matter which way you dice it, it straight up does not make sense for a man who carefully calculates his risks before he takes them to intentionally spread a rumour implicating him in an incestuous entanglement with his half-brother while he is literally married to his own half-sister. so when I write jgy, I tend to write him as having fond and affectionate feelings for mxy initially (which I believe is supported by the text, given how mxy worshipped him), that quickly become uncomfortable, and ultimately result in him wanting mxy to be as far away from him as possible.

connected to the above, jgy is never intentionally impolite or unkind to mxy, even when arranging to have him removed from jinlintai.

jgy's feelings for lxc are deep and genuine and rooted in mutual respect and understanding! I think this much is pretty much indisputably canon whether you decide to interpret the relationship romantically or not. but this is a headcanon meme, and my headcanon is absolutely that they have intense romantic feelings for each other, and that they definitely do want to fuck about it. more often than not my headcanon is that they don't have a sexual relationship in the novel for many reasons (most of which are tied to the tenuousness of jgy's position and the care he takes with his reputation). in cql, jgy's position is still similarly tenuous and he works hard to preserve his reputation, but good fucking god, the chemistry between lhk and zzj when they're on-screen together is off the charts. like I have a harder time coming up with justifications for why they haven't fucked. because damn, lads, really? right in front of chifeng-zun's salad? anyway--

jgy isn't a sadist and doesn't enjoy causing pain (have I written about this recently, I for sure think I have written about this recently), and I wish I saw less of this in the search results when I go hunting for xiyao fic on AO3. that said I do think that he enjoys having the power to either cause pain to those who have wronged him, or withhold it as a gesture of mercy, or to intercede to protect someone he cares about from experiencing pain.

man I definitely have more hard headcanons for jgy but at this point I feel like I'm veering into arguing for what I believe is canon vs what is just my personal preference when interpreting the character. ok soft headcanons, aka stuff I still feel pretty strongly about and feel is supported by the text, but won't necessarily throw me out of enjoying a fic or w/e if I encounter a story that approaches things differently:

I don't think jgy hated nmj at the time of his death and believe his tears while witnessing nmj's qi deviation were a genuine expression of both horror and grief, but I do think he hated nmj, in the moment, when nmj punted him down the steps of jinlintai and denigrated him and his mother publicly in front of his entire sect. and frankly, I think just about anyone else would too.

related to the above, I don't think jgy expected nmj's death to be as horrific as it was, and I think nhs being wounded by nmj in the process remains a real regret that follows him for the rest of his life.

tangentially related (again!): let jgy be a sugar daddy please, let this man spoil rotten the people in his life that he loves and cares for! give me modern AUs where jgy slowly woos lxc through the power of transforming him into a clotheshorse, but a clotheshorse only for the high quality clothes that jgy gifts to him. let jgy win him over with very soft cashmere and silk and cufflinks and antique musical scores that his newly acquired and hard won wealth has allowed him to enjoy. let lxc be super hot for it.

my read on jgy in bed is that, when he feels secure enough to explore sexual intimacy, he is an extremely generous lover who derives half of his pleasure from ensuring that his partner (who, lbr, is going to be lxc 9/10 for me) has all of their needs met before he contemplates his own.

okay I must stop!! or I never will!!!

[lookingfts]

hello!!! do you already watch the bridgerton 4 episodes??? what are your thoughts on polin??? did you like it or not??? only if you want to answer of course, i will totally understand if you prefer not to

I have! I watched all four episodes on the day they aired. I did a short version of my thoughts on the season, but I'll do a bit of a deeper dive here. (Some spoilers below)

To set the stage: I had no real expectations for Polin. I've never read any of the books, and I didn't find myself particularly drawn to them in S1 and S2. So I figured I would watch the season, and if I didn't fall in love with them, that's fine - there are eight love stories, and people will feel different levels of investment in all of them. And if I did enjoy it, then I would be happy with that too! I try to go into everything with a mindset of hoping to enjoy it - otherwise, I wouldn't watch it. I simply don't hate watch things, I don't have time.

I'll probably need a rewatch to catch more moments that I've missed, but my initial thoughts are: I'm rooting for Polin! One of my issues throughout the last two seasons was that the show didn't give us enough of their friendship dynamic. It told us that they were friends, but we didn't see them spend much time together. I felt more like they had been friends growing up, and she was clinging to that while he had started to move on to a new phase of his life. I never got the feeling that they were friends in the present, or understood what particularly they were drawn to about each other.

In this season, I finally saw their chemistry as friends, rather than just Pen pining after Colin and him being oblivious. As Pen's confidence grew and she focused less on Colin, their relationship felt more equal and I enjoyed watching that. I also think that some of the qualities that bothered me about Penelope in previous seasons were smoothed out in S3. She was able to stand up for herself more in her real life, and thus wasn't "hiding" behind Lady Whistledown as much. She used LW to lift up the debutantes, and in general it felt like she had taken her fight with Eloise to heart and was attempting to fix things.

(I do also love Pen and Eloise's arc this season - it feels so genuine. They both truly care about each other, but they need time to work through all the hurt.)

Colin is fun this season. I've always liked him, in previous seasons, when he was interacting with his siblings. He does show real interest in them and they can confide in him. Unfortunately, he doesn't have as fleshed out of a personality as Anthony or Benedict, and I truly don't think that Luke Newton has the same acting range as Nicola, so they're a bit mismatched in that way. Nicola is obviously very talented and she looks insanely gorgeous this season.

But for the most part, I was having fun watching their story, and I wanted them to work it out. I don't think they needed to make Colin a rake; him being less experienced would have made a nice contrast to Anthony's story, I think. I also think the pacing was off; they haven't spent much time together so far, so the ending feels fast. I think they wasted a lot of opportunities to better build up their story in previous seasons so they could have hit the ground running this season.

(Ngl I really loved Lord Debling and would have been okay with Penelope ending up with him, but I know that wasn't really the marriage she wanted, so that's fine.)

So long story short: I've warmed up to Penelope, I think Colin is still a bit generic to really get invested in him, the season as a whole has been fun, and I want them to work things out. I am looking forward to the LW drama in part 2 and seeing how they get out of that mess.

[he13na]

I'm having bleeding heart empath problems and can't stop feeling guilty. I know it's because of the ingrained people pleasing, but it's messing me up.

My mom is not a people person. She does not like to socialize, she likes to be on her own with my dad and I and that's it. She doesn't like getting together or mingling with people or really spending time with anyone who isn't family because she likes privacy and anonymity.

My boyfriend (24) invited my parents and I over for lunch for Christmas with his parents, brother and two sisters. It's my first boyfriend (I'm 29) and our first Christmas together.

I'm wishing that I told him a little white lie that my parents and I were spending the day with my grandparents, but I didn't think of that until it was too late.

My mom made a lot of food, bought gift cards for his 3 siblings and filled out Christmas cards. She didn't want to and she's stressed, exhausted and unhappy that we're doing this because it's not the Christmas she wanted to have. She was looking forward to and hoping it would just be the 3 of us just chilling on the couch watching movies. That's what she likes to do with her time.

But because I have a boyfriend now, plans had to change and her Christmas is ruined. Because I'm so compassionate, sympathetic and empathetic, I can't be excited for myself when I should be because I changed her plans and I feel guilty that she's going through all of this work to be on good terms with his family and be "nice" and show them that we're nice people. She says she likes his family... but I know she doesn't really want to socialize with them, if she had it her way.

She thinks my boyfriend is "too controlling" for suggesting we all get together. I just think he's sweet and eager to spend time with me, but... what do I know?

I'm in a funk now and I'm feeling moody, sad and wrong. Is this normal? I don't know how to feel.I wonder if my mom thinks I'm wasting my time, or that I could do better even though she says she "loves my boyfriend to death". He's goth, he vapes and curses and she doesn't like that, but... he treats me well, makes an effort, takes me on dates, buys me gifts, texts me good morning every morning, makes sure I've eaten enough, surprises me, watches my favorite movies with me, remembers the little things, tells me how much he loves me (and insists he loves me more!), asks me how my day is going and fills me in on his. He's protective of me and looks out for me when I'm not paying attention, it's almost like our thoughts are telepathic because there's chemistry and we're a good match emotionally. He accepts me and pays attention to my emotional needs, he can tell whenever I'm not okay just by looking at me, even when I'm just sitting there putting on a blank face like a mask and lost in my thoughts without saying a word and he'll ask me about it later because he's so "in tune" with me. He's cultured, smart, artistic, can cook and build things, athletic, has skills. He's the most romantic guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and experiencing that's not a fictional character.

And yet, because I was raised to respect my parents and family, I care about what she thinks and sometimes I get unspoken "vibes" that she's annoyed with how much we spend together, even though because of our work schedules he and I only get to see each other twice a week. I know for a fact that she misses me when I go out with him instead of spending time with her after work because we're all so busy all the time and my mom gets to see my dad even less than me. I still try to spend as much time with her as possible on days I'm not with my boyfriend, accompanying her on errands, having movie nights. But I need to know she likes my relationship and she's happy for me in order to feel okay... suddenly it's just hitting me? Is this a trauma thing?

I should be excited about getting to celebrate the holiday with my boyfriend, my favorite person, but instead I feel like one big inconvenience, like a big, chaotic train running right through everyone's plans because it has to be all about me. My dad doesn't like socializing either, like my mom. No wonder they ended up together, they're a perfect match.

My mom did confess, tonight, that she secretly hoped I wouldn't ever meet anybody so she wouldn't have to deal with their family.

That's really gross, but still... this GUILT and almost self doubt is really getting to me, and I know it's irrational and I want everyone to be happy, but I don't want to feel like this. She says she's happy for me and that she loves him, but I can sense a weird unspoken energy and it's messing me up and triggering me.

Am I wrong to feel happy for getting to see my boyfriend today and be with both him and my parents at the same time? Am I wrong to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend? This is the first relationship I've ever been in, even though I'm 29. It almost feels like my mom wants me all to herself. I hate that I have to choose between him and her and I can't have both because my mom isn't normal. And yet I feel so bad because I want everyone to be happy.

Advice? How can I cast all these intrusive thoughts away and have a good time today and truly enjoy it?

[brsb4hls]

Kinda ranty iwtv review ahead.

When I finally got the chance to watch iwtv I found it meh. Which was weird to me, I was so excited about it.

Been trying to find out why for over a week.

I think I figured out now what I didn't like.

1. A small thing, the music. It didn' fit the scenes and simply sucked.

2. The atmosphere. The show kept the gore but ditched the gothic part of that horror genre imo.

This might partially be due to the fact that the act of blood drinking is pretty much de-mystified in the show. First, it's not a stand in for sex anymore, since there's actual sex. Not a bad thing per se of course, but different vibes.

Secondly, the "experiencing the whole life of a human via their memories when drinking their blood" part obvi couldn't really be put into the show.

3. Daniel. What the hell. Ok, there's the aged up thing, I could live with that. But due to his newly constructed history with Louis, Daniel is missing the wonder, scepticism and in the end downright horror when confronted with an actual vampire.

He's just sassy, bitchy and judgemental all the time, which kinda shapes how Louis in those scenes is presented to the audience.

There's not even respect, like, basic respect for another being who's guest you are. Feels totally off.

(Also I personally love book-Daniel and Armands relationship, so kinda miffed I wont get that).

4. The biggest point: Lestat's and Louis' relationship. There are multiple factors here.

First, the beginning. In the books Lestat was drawn to a deeply depressed Louis with a death wish.

Show Louis attracted Lestat by being assertive and very clear of his boundaries (if you take the most positive spin on his confrontation with his brother).

That sets off an entirely different dynamic. Also, show Louis pretty much has his shit together given the circumstances. He has to run his buisiness while being surrounded by bigotted racists and he's managing kinda well. (Until he rightfully explodes).

He also seems to turn to drinking animal blood not out of guilt or shame, but reason.

It's more like blood is blood and less clean up that way.

Louis doesn't huddle in the sewers, bawling and hating himself while munching on pest rats.

Which interestingly makes show Louis much more likable, because, ngl, book Louis took my last nerve. I was relieved to get Lestat's perspective in the second book, which was much more entertaining.

So, show Louis is likable and relatable, which changes the dynamic. In addition to to that Claudia becomes his sworn ally, so those two built a front against Lestat.

(Rightfully so, Lestat treats them like shit.)

But it divides Louis and Lestat further.

Plus by making Louis more self confident and assertive, it actually feels worse that they added that horrible scene where Lestat beat him up and dropped him (totally unnecessary btw, he was hovering above the ground in the first or second ep already, it was clear he could do that).

It felt like building the character up to tear him down more if that makes sense.

There are things I did like though:

*Like I said, I actually like Anderson's Louis more than book Louis, just not in that combination.

*Sam Reid does an amazing job as Lestat, everyone already knows that of course, and there's just no arguing here.

*Both actors have crazy good chemistry (which yeah, would be even better if not for the changed dynamics, I mean, they're pretty much end game in the books, they should work well together).

*Armand is perfect. He is ridiculously gorgeous while also appearing very calm and collected with a side of creepy. Which is exactly how Armand should be given the way he is described in the books (he's not 17 in the show, but I still think he's a great choice).

All in all it's not a bad adaption, it has some great scenes and I will keep watching, I'm just not blown away by it.

I would love for people to add to this, since it's probs a more unpoplular opinion, so discussion is always interesting.

Also, full disclosure, I ditched my Anne Rice books years ago, so I might remember stuff wrongly, please point that out to me.

[shit-talk-turner]

Some thoughts and opinions !

When you are past a certain age and are living on your own, it’s not that fun. It’s better with a partner. Alex seems to love having partners but so far none of them have worked out long interesting than anything Arielle and Taylor did. But clearly he hasn’t been ready for “forever” with anyone. Definitely the closest he came was with Alexa but I think they were just too young and both famous and there were temptations around for both of them. All it takes to START a relationship is timing and chemistry. As a long term AM fan I’ve seen this happen so far with Arielle, and then Taylor, and now Louise. He def goes looking for a new partner, and finds one. But there’s a difference between looking for a partner and settling on one just because you want one not because they’re perfect for you, and actually finding someone who fits you when you’re NOT looking. I feel like this is what happened with Louise, I think Alex met her and then realized he was over Taylor and wanted something new. He might have already been realizing it and wondering if he wanted out of the relationship or not and meeting Louise was the breaking point. From my own personal experience of relationships it can take a year or two with someone to get past the “honeymoon” new and exciting stage of being with someone before reality and real life kind of sets in. And I’m just a regular person. Alex’s wealth and status in the music industry makes life easier and more fun for him and his partners (luxury vacations, exciting tours, not having to work 9-5 etc) so I think it takes a longer time to get past the initial honeymoon stage where he just has a lot of fun and into the stage of actually contemplating the rest of his life with someone. Ive dated people from a different country than me and it does add a bit of extra charm and mystery to the relationship because you are constantly learning new things about a language and a culture not just a person. It’s interesting and it can keep things from getting stale. I’m sure that a big reason he’s attracted to her is because she’s French and it’s quite a different culture from the years of dating 2 Americans previously. Will the honeymoon phase last? Has he really fallen for good this time? His lyrics might reveal something . I have to say that I do think Louise suits him much more than Arielle or Taylor. Taylor especially was extremely annoying and I kind of lost a bit of respect for Alex for apparently enjoying her personality. At least is seems he has realized that musicians don’t have to continually date models. People critique Louise’s life but at least she has experience at least doing “real world” things and she is a songwriter and musician which is deeper or more interesting than anything Arielle and Taylor did. Things started out hot with Taylor and they obvi had chemistry . Clearly they had to be obsessed with each other at one point to get those tattoos, but after time and domesticity things tend to get less exciting, and I honestly don’t know what she was thinking shaving her head, I actually have so much respect for alex sticking with her through that phase! This all feels really mean to say but this is a gossip blog right? For me Taylor was x10000 more annoying, she filled up his beautiful house with all her really stupid shoes, she had atrocious fashion style, she made her living being a mannequin, everything based off her looks, nothing off her actual personality, only getting praise from her beauty and you can tell she never had to struggle for anything even from her childhood, she was white and blond and well off from the start. At least Louise has a bit of depth, I don’t think it’s fair that people downplay that she actually can write her own songs, can play several instruments, has created! She has also experienced the loss of a parent, if you haven’t been through it you have no idea of that. For me she is much more of a match for Alex, I think he understands that his relationship with Taylor went south after too much togetherness and familiarity, and to keep excitement and “honeymoon” freshness with Louise they spend more time apart. I understand that urge to keep a bit of mystery alive, as I’ve experienced it myself. So yeah I guess I don’t understand why Louise gets so much hate, she actually seems really sweet and way less bragging than Taylor!

[only-lonely-lovers]

07.13.2022

tags: noncon, piv, dirty talking

notes: rereading this, i feel as though it's uniquely gormless, and has out-of-date headcanons as we were so early into imbibing JSHK... well, nevertheless. happy reading.

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ / sometimes, I color text to delineate dialogue a little more

あ：my PP concept is also noncon.. but like oh you know, trying to gaslight her throughout it… the most deranged and like cowardly way to do it all. trying to clip her and get her to call you amane during it also bc you has problems

つ：SAY THE CORRECT NAME!!!

あ：it feels like itd be sooo. [wearing clown make up] to be trying to wrestle nene into saying this… idk it feels like it could get so pathetic… like.. [shakes]… say it.. つ：i like the flavor of impatient hanako… and getting to live int he psyche of guy who wants you and is NOT HANAKO FORGET THE OTHER GUY

あ：this guy actually has a shot [defensive of made up narrative] he's been your classmate for a while you two have good chemistry you. YOU LIKE HIM!! he likes you. it'sss… this was being built up to. you want this

つ：and on another psychological level…. wanting to be called amane during sex, in general is something

あ：uhuh. a real [looks at camera] moment for . the tsukasa watching this ig

つ：its so interesting how PP works. the guy who has been actively hiding everything from you suddenly wants an earnest roleplay right before he disappears ill write the authors notes andits IC as tsukasa like WHOA i didun tink this would happen!!!! AMANEEEEE

あ：i guess i really offered you something you wanted….

つ：wow i made him so happy!

あ：a way for you to let nene meet "amane" !!! hehehe…. well… isn't she lucky….

つ：its taking all of his fibers of resistance to not run into the room the omake version which just has tsukasa barelling in

あ：yes. fkdgjfh… he is yelling amane it's like [HONK]

つ：that IIIIIIIII noise he makes BREATHING SO HEAVILY INTO YOUR EAR IMMEDIATELY

there simply the insane sex world version where tsukasa fluidly joins in. its so hard to not imagine hanako just like SHOVING HIM LIKE A TODDLER NYO!!!! TSUKASA!!!!

あ：NOT RIGHT NOW NOT WHEN I'M GETTING IT OUT [holding nene by the throat] i figure though it has this umm.. hm.. it definitely has this vibe of someone trying to start a romantic cutscene but just getting impatient and not letting you leave…

つ：i do think it starts out so ah… scripted, feeling so incredibly…. stilted…. has ''phases'', and even though nene doesn't technically jump the hoops, he moves onto the next one anyway…

あ：he's mentally got flashcards. is waiting for the one that lets him put hand on knee

you could imagine it is as simple though as hearing nene mention needing to check in with kou or something for him to be like [unchill] NO.

つ：just a minute. please. just a few minutes. stay. let me. say. what i . need to

あ：[uncontrollably guilt tripping] youve been blowing me off all day…

つ：[soft indiscernible click in the near distance] [tsukasa is locking the door for them]

あ：your guy… mmm a good detail though

つ：i will not ruin the inciting action from your game.

あ：its just one of those "there's no bad options!" things for tsukasa bc nene could like flip out and attempt to kill amane. whatever happens baby…

hm but crazy sex world where he joins is fun it's like mm a taste of butter…. wingmans this. but then also is like hiiiiiiiii ~ enjoying my playhouse for you…. huggles you

つ：i do want to to live in the less realistic porno world where amane simply is like ok. keeps going. so this is how it will be. if thats how god wants it

あ：i am already playing into this fake world selfishly. i can't act like. it would be that much better if i shoved him off.

つ：lets you hug her. nene is liek KDFL;SJFKL;GSG?? but Amane's like shhh…. shhhh. its okay…… just tsukasa nuzzling her head, hair, so pleasant….

あ：i do love the thought of nene having to be like. not only experiencing being cornered and pressured and stuff but the brother is here too. manifesting. what the- what does that…

ouhmm its like i wish the changing room scene went different lol… and devolves into this… so its a nene who was already trying to have theories about tsukasa like "he… want.. revenge…??" but instead he's like smelling your neck. help!

just here to support… happy to be here… ^^ ready to help get everything in place

つ：there are different flavors to different points of the timeline…. if its before any suggestion of 'how to get out of here' its so… disorienting in a DIFFERENT way thats like. amane is a complete loon trying to do this right out the gate. but later has the flavor of becoming like. nnno my time, running, out knowing tsukasa is 'real' or not is an element

あ：i go back and forth, initially i was thinking about this like, fuck the movie tickets… i am insane

but i do like the state of things at the point of when she's changing before star gazing… it being like right before stargazing. its rly a different loss of willpower

a very early run i'd almost want to be so early she hasnt even recon'd with kou or seen the world have kooky aspects… is juust in the "??????????" stage of trying to determine what is happening. like she's just been pouring salt on amane and feels bad about that

the gaslighting has more of a chance to take proper purchase in that case. like she IS just doubting herself and feels like the only one insisting on her previous reality

つ：unsure if this is some kind of dream really, that early on…. later is, scary, ominous

tsukasa is going to stroke Amane's face and say…. it's a good world, isn't it…. its really nice…. you like it, right…. just pleased, confirming… a slammin it hanako can only nod and huff thru nose

あ：it's nice like this…. we can be together❤️ admittedly this has to be a tsukasa that just feels like he really won, i mean his trap is just a success, amane is partaking of the fruit perhaps liberated enough to tease like. did you miss me… i'm glad we can spend some time together

つ：i'm do good with wishie

あ：you look amazing… wow [watching him hit it]

つ：[openly breathing heavy, not ashamed] Nene-chan…. you like it too, don't you..? it feels good… [spreading her pussy for Amane to hit deeper with less drag, which makes Hanako, twitch on instinct like DDDDONT GET NEAR MY. DONT YOU]

あ：snarling…. but tsukasa delights to observe like ohhmm… there's my special guy

つ：[whispering to nene] he makes that face when he really likes something

あ：[grabs her chin and tilts her head] everyone make sure we are looking and pay close attention okay ^q^

つ：you can never forget a first time [activate… amane] nn. never forget it. [HURTING]

あ：ohmm for amane to have really shot himself in the foot by forcing nene to call him amane-kun during this… if she is whimpering it.. doesn't that feel like it'd make tsukasa a little bit like [LOOKS.][fervid] we are matchies!!! asfdghfdg!!!!!! oh its like.. tsukasa likes to hear his name so much… it might feel magical to get to hear someone else beg it… ohgh you love his trapdoor mouth honestly

つ：I do like Nene ah... becoming subservient, after only a few good swings. i think she's gone

in this circumstance, its just like ss ? sssex x? uhhghmn… [hanako urging her…. to say amane-kun] ohu I, shoul, d do wh, what he saysz [dizzy] c, cant be rude…. Amm… Amn, Amanneee-kun…..

あ：[blearily] that..s. s… right htats … thats his 'real name'…. [brain tabbing through visions of him as a battered boy, 13…]

つ：[which look, aesthetically, more like this boy…] [in these clothes, his skinny arms sticking out, looking younger than ever..]

あ：[boy she saw on the floor crying…] fuzzily in her brain

its like ahrg… amane… kuun… ok ahy.g..fhg this is like. your ex shows up and youve taught your new meat to call you your old pet name. and your ex gets to just watch this [tsukasa joins in saying name like the girls in midsommar] [panting] How long do you want her like this, Amane… You know there's nothing stopping you, it's whatever you'd like the world can be for you…

つ：hanako feeling like I. deserve to be mentally broken. its fine. okay. before i go.

あ：if that's. how this is going to. pan out.

つ：ne, ne….. nene-chan…. this world is whatever the 'main characters' of it want. Doesn't it feel good… to be what Amane wants? He can do anything… and he wanted to do something, with you! something new….. that he's never done before.

N. NEVER BEFORE ?! v. virgin??????

あ：owned outed oh but its moments like these i really feel like [amane. UNCONTROLLABLY picks up pace fuckign jackhammers for a sec]

つ：ffffuc k like a grown boy

あ：its llike fffjhghhfj. goes into his blood

つ：I WILL IMPRESS

あ：[a braincell that is just like slobbering] thats RIGHT i havent fucekd before i wannaf fffffffffuck hard WATCH ME FUCK

つ：during onslaught it is legitimately tsukasa keeping her from, toppling, she has to grasp something and instinctively grasps his arms

あ：it helps to have a whole body to assist in cradling weight

つ：AMANE AMANEEE!!! [stoked by tsukasa's shouting] amaaanee-kuunnnn [stokedby nene's chanting] A-ma-neeee, aaa [stoked by Tsukasa] Amane-kunnnn

あ：the derangedness forced. to come.

つ：why doesit sound like i am fucking them both

あ：oh you get to watch his eyes really roll back into his head… I THINK IT JUST MAKES HIM DIZZY

つ：WORSHIP MEEE

あ：like mgh. fhgf.f fghf. s-sex fuck..f ujghf..gfh.. FUCK!! yes i fuck good god yes

つ：i think the ego…. the narcissism present in amane, deep down being cheered/praised sssso much repeatedly is. mmmnn yessss i doooo it

あ：god yeah. i think tsukasa's egging on is just sooo effective tsukasa might as well be breathing a poison cloud that is going right into him

つ：i do it sssso good call my naaaame

あ：the words are so palpably good at stoking him

the way tsukasa is here to be like: you fuck her sooo good you look sooo hot whiel you do it she is so ooo lucky to be fucked by you

つ：and nene whining/cooing them in such a girlish register, hiccuping them,ssss ounds better than ever imagined,and he's imagined it a lot

lucky-lucky girl nene-chaaaan don't you feel lucky….. !

あ：her going along with it all.. it just. he will just feel like the paydirt was so worth it. she can only resist so much!! of course she cant do more than a little fussing.. bbbbECAUSE SHE wants this she wants me she is agreeing… she is nodding, she is asserting she feels lucky

i wish it could be like.. amane buries his face against nene as he finishes, and gets snuzzled and pet by tsukasa all the while… like as he is shuddering intensely… we rub faces while i unload into my girl

つ：i'll just live in the narrative where this is simply my classmate brother mmmmmmn the satisfaction of nene being so agreeable… she will pull him into a kiss after. emboldened-- but thinking like-- h -HE BETTER KISS ME [KISSES HIM]

あ：it's… it's fine, in the context of the narrative… omgg boy not ready for kiss despite everything i think

つ：just begin making out ssssso hard. he will not let go once he's latched. tsukasa is just chin against her shoulder so close to the action pleasant

woooow… a first kiss too……

あ：beautiful stuff you two..

its like amane forgot kissing was a thing thsi deep into it and youre gonna rot his brain fucking.. KISS ME AFTER???

つ：he whiiiines. and flinches after like ffcukg nn-no why… mnhmh… whyd i whine bbuthjbkiss mmeeeeee mmm

[cock hurts. but is attempting to harden again]

あ：and one must learn that undignified noises shall happen during kiss

the hips itch and shift and shuffle.. your cock soo badly wants to be hard again its really like ouch... [tsukasa alternating giving you two headpats during kissm]

つ：hugs nene a nice squeeze for a second. mm i jsut love to be here. Nene is…. universes are exploding inside of her brain for nene. i simply think she wants to fuck again

あ：I Am Here In The Porno, I Am Suspended Between Two Boys

つ：its easier, for girls. just want it. pussy burns. brain is gone. tugging at amane, wrapping legs around him suddenly

あ：moe for amane to be the one feeling disoriented at this point… umm a little weaker after nutting wwww… but god desire in the heart… dizzied to have reciprocation, in reality… being invited and pressed for more at all is like hough. OHHHHH she really. she, really. want [sways against…]

つ：nene…. ah she hits a point always, i feel, where she's gone.. mad. finally achieving sex. wanting it. thinking in only poisoned thoughts…. grinding towards him… but, unable to make eye contact. I like to think at this point, amane can't either, finally a bit shy, mostly over it. it needs to take a second

cant look your girl in the eye while shuffling feet around. feels like hot stove. impatient to be ready to slam more

but your helpful tsukasa is here….! observing the problem… amane shuffling around like a nervous horse

あ：i think there's a limited reserve of bravado. you used up so much focus and determination to get this far. he looks tense.. swallowing..

つ：I think its like hmmmmm…. mmm… grabs his face. makes you and nene stare again keep saying his name, nene-chan…. if you want him to go again he likes that best. tell him how much you liked it! he wants to hear that.

an obedient nene…. happy to have, direction…? too … addled, to be arguing. too addled to be bothered…. by the intrusiveness. it IS convenient to have solution…..

あ：you liked what he did, after all, right….? nene-chan is a good girl, she should show her gratitude. [pet pet]

つ：small quiet… followed by… I… I liked … it… I l. loved, it. I want. More I… want [tsukasa interrupting] amane…. [nene nodding] amane-kun…. amane-kun to, d. do it, more….

あ：mmm yes… you get to watch the statement go into him like you threw a precision dart at a target… to feeeel the cock twitches. the hurried scuffing.

つ：[tsukasa.. gently holding amane's jaw] [tilting his head] I also want you to do it more.

nene has to… feel… ah…. he…. was right. he knew…. he knew how to make him…. is it possible to know someone so well… [delirious from cock] am I lucky… tsukasa-kun is here…too…

あ：she can feel the effects... it just ripples throughout him... undeniably..little lightbulb going off in head but it is full of c*m

Amane: [mouth worrying, licking lips, swallowing…] [troubled seeming] Tsukasa: [noting he's struggling with words] -- and , you want to too, don't you, Amane..! You do, don't you? You felt so good. Amane: [hoarsely] h…hhhhai. [nod nod…] [throws head like agitated horse] and nene watching this all like ouh… wow… tsukasa-kun is like an… expert… sasuga futago otouto… [kind of clueless, awed tone] You really did… like it a lot, Am.. Amane-kun… you… wanted this, with me..? [cumbrain. and, thinking about 'the narrative'] ff… for a while…

つ：tsukasa like wtf this is so cuuuute❤️ KAWAIIIIII

あ：so smart she is learning!!yesss talk to him tell him what you have observed...

つ：yessss team up with me nene-chaaaaan

あ：RULE WITH ME

つ：so cute amane like. repeatedly. huffing. he is like a troubled horse but then its like [tsukasa against nene's ear] you should tell him his cock looks nice

TSUKASA-KUN THATS TOO DIRECT!!!!!!!! MURI

あ：such a screeaaaa amoment [tsukasa rubbing your shoulders] [like your boxing coach]

つ：but trying to behave. am. ammn. ama. amane-k, kun

あ：[he looks at you like a sad dog for a sec awaiting the bacon]

つ：your c . your cc. co. [being rubbed] cock -- COCK [UNNECESSARILY LOUD] [fucks up] FEELS-- looks--!

[inelegant] ggggooddddd

あ：fus roh dah'd its just like MY WAHT [COUGHs blood]

つ：he did not know nene could say such a word

あ：[BLINKs out of sync] it... wh... ..? you- you were [fucking sounds like a bully uncontrollably] looked.? you've beenlooking [slurring]

つ：[tsukasa observing amane be shitty excitedly]

あ：like mgh?f hgf. what hte fuck…. sl-slut.s lut whore what hte fuck… looking at my.. this might actually make him so sick [voice becomes lower] [suddenly less clipped] what.. do you want to look at it…? actually thinking about how shitty it would be to like . pause. for this. like actually we are going to call attention to this tis my choice but you have tsukasa to be the crazy guy who is liek YAS

つ：FUCKING SHOW USSSS for this moment he is not thinking of tsukasa tsukasa has vanished tsukasa is just sitting there like 😮observing these transpiring events but in amane's mind its nene undera spotlight

nfnnf no what d did i get inttto [but wobbles from heat] but t. i ? see it ?

あ：like oh. i"llllllllllllll show you my cock if thats what yuore into. [pitying fsr]

つ：[pure brain unfiltered in her head] i do want to see it

あ：gets on my throne about it for a sec. UNABLE TO CHECK SELF

つ：puuulll a littlee awayyyy….. ah nene…. swallowing. nodding. h. hai. politely. clasps hands together at chest…..

あ：shimmy shimmy… incidentally it is good, umm, atmosphere, for this all, steadily hardening again… taking a detour to grasp self… Urhg. unfortunately i do think he has THOUGHT before about presentation, his hands are not. demure. while tsukasa isnt being paid attention to, i think he is active enough still like making sure nene is looqing. hand on her head. staring attentively as well

つ：i enjoy the big show. we all love the big show

あ：i am the big show oh sorry amane is soo shitty but he's quantifiably soo shitty.. it's really going to be like… [staring at nene while running hand along it, pumps..] [wincing, but focused.] So. You like it. Like the look of it. [guy who is going to make you repeat yourself]

つ：[like afucking military officer is talking to her] HAI

あ：it's really like [shifts hips..] [fingers looped in👌hand, dipping in and out of it] i make you think. about it

つ：well i think putting on a show makes tsukasa completely speechless jaw dropped. the synergy of tsukasa and nene here is profound actually

あ：gets laser focused eyes haven't seen him like this… Amane letting loose has never been… relishing in it, this much. ouhh.

つ：both. breathing through mouths. tracking so closely with eyes. zeroed in thinking h… he's…. can he be so confident….. Amane-kun…. I didn't know… h. he…. could…. be so, bold…. direct thank you blessed tsukasa-kun for creating this circumstance

あ：🙏we need you . we need you so badly

つ：amane watching nene flinch when his cock twitches… its like mmm. tsukasa doesn't flinch. still. impeccably so. as though an animal camouflaging. focused

あ：Good to know she really is thinking about it. this is a good way to get geared up… to fuck her again… like ooh. this makes me want to fuck your brains out

つ：its charming to me for tsukasa to fade into the background briefly, its like the… familiarity of him kinda briefly renders him nonexistent, as nene is being dealt with. he is cool to hang out.

あ：he is not intrusive to it all he is permitted to watch amane ostentatiously pull back foreskin

つ：stops breathing, visibly. makes amane laugh… which makes her jump. heavy breathy lil laugh from him for amane it must be so chaaarming….. mmm she's not only weak to a pretty face, now is she. lol

あ：It's that interesting huh. [humming]

つ：[amane, flatly] so… is this your real weakness. should I have lead with this.

あ：This would've kept your attention hm.. [tilts it back and forth... being. crude.]Gets results. You probably can't even remember any other guy's name or face right now Right? haha.

つ：blinks. oh cant see. but wants to see. visibly trying to, recover from feeling dazed. blinking a lot

tsukasa uncontrollably also feeling like he is being talked to, but that is irrelevant. just going into his skull

its like humorous honestly its like . yeah i do not remember anythignn rn

あ：fjdghf… sweetie. cute though. like it goes into your real stomach

[strokes..] [breathing falters a bit, but swallows] Well… maybe now you won't run off any chance you get with whoever You'll just think about this instead. won't you. Maybe if I just tell you to , you will.

つ：nods…. if…. .. will you…. really do this…. f. from now on…..? with… with. me

あ：[breathes] Oh. Yeah [brain melting] allthe time You. won't be able to. get away from … me. [h-hm. that wasnt the plan.]

つ：o, okay [stupid]

あ：[shifting to get between legs mindlessly, regardless] we are both stupid like mghhhhhhhhhhh i want in im READY

つ：everyone's stupid amane whipped his cock out and rubbed it and everyone got brain damage

あ：tsukasa's hand should like rush to spread pussy for

つ：that would be cute. like KLFJSD;KLF WAKES UP WAIT I HAD A PLAN!!! I WAMS GONAN. HELP

あ：master is returning i must get the door

but i think generously its like this is just allowed. WE'RE all dealing wtih poison status efx we have NO THOUGHTS i think tsukasa should just be allowed to feel it sink in… framing

つ：tsukasa did a good job aligning the shot for amane to take it. like a retical on a sniper juuuust slightlyyy feel the skin drag along the edge of his fingers…. pull down as he sinks in

あ：a treat for the good good brother… i do not think amane can be taken off his cloud after such a lead up its like mgh yes. oh commence fuck yes [grateful for 1 sec] its good to sink so fluidly into pussy, get so deep. NEED

i grant tsukasa also getting to feel him really pull back and then slam.. grind against… not bothering to wait for fingers to move… the urgency spurs everything forward. but its like i think everyone's hindbrain loves the energy of all of us coming together like this

つ：mmmm force crushing into hand… nnngghice. coooool… amane is cool nene is gone though

あ：we have lost her. that is okay. was assassinated… our dearly beloved

つ：a good…. deserved…. hard plow. unmitigated clutching with all limbs… stupid slut brain just thinking about the shape endlessly and the sensation combined with it aware now, of, twitches. more aware. knows what those look like. feels them harder.

somewhere, shijima: this sucks i hate it i fucking hate drawing

あ：doing all that she can to not just slash the canvas hate knowing tsukasa and no. 7 are fucking tfw mitsuba and kou are fucking out taking photos are some shit that's what she signed up for. not. this.

つ：the afterglow of this situation…. is humorous to think about i fklsdjfklsf tsukasa's just goingto be smelling his hand in the backgruond and amane is like not going to notice/think about it or like why that is its like oh tsukasa is doing w/e

あ：same as he ever was...

つ：the duality of it smells like pussy and cock. much to huff

あ：its a very special day for tsukasa. WOW! i guess i didnt see absolutely everything in the timeline sometimes even i do not know what will happen

hanako having to like. ruminate on. like.💭 ………………… do i just…………………………. quietly peace out still once i gaurantee nene can stay here………… ………………. no. 2 will just have a fake amane to slot in so. [thinks. about. if nene iwll. fuck. that clone. ] no. 💭……………….. she'll forget about her other life eventually. but this is. a part of the. narrative. here.

つ：can I get shijima to kill me off [jealous over paper cut out of self]

あ：she'd probably enjoy that right have me hit by a truck or whatever … me and tsukasa. i wont let. paper cut out tsukasa comfort her.

つ：tsukasa in the BG licking his hand, but covertly like a child sneaking a cookie. as if he could get scolded nene is comatose…. floating coin slot

あ：hanako just kinda middle distance staring thinking about this stuff. but thats okay

つ：everyone is contemplating

あ：is also just like. but by god if i aint going to fuck her again later whatever itll sort itself out

つ：💭wait, this hanako-- amane-kun ? has a pulse and. is warm. can he get me pregnant ?

あ：was i irresponsible because i forgot about htis-!? ………..wait…………… did amane-kun choose to………. ………………………… [if i am engaging with amane-kun like he is really alive boy.] so he made the decision to……………………… do it in me… multiple times

つ：[nene in space]

あ：having to be like. does he want me to . he has to at least not care. if it happens. [thinks] i guess my parents would just take care of me no matter hwat

つ：or is he… such a … dirty creep its not his problem… [this makes her horny]

あ：[none of the thoughts have the right amount of severity] he's just going to be like… "figure it out…" and keep unloading into me 😭….🤤

つ：tsukasa💭i wonder if nene-chan would let me smell her hmm or rather if amane would let me smel nene chan

あ：the real questions tsukasa.

____________________

つ：> tsukasa uncontrollably also feeling like he is being talked to, but that is irrelevant. just going into his skull

I keep thinking about this

its just so f. funny to be dirty talking nene like mm you dont think about other guys. and tsukasa is like i do not [seriously, mentally] i do not amane would just be like [tired face] y. oh i know you. dont. sigh. i. no thats

あ：sooo funny like we're doing mental affirmations with tsukasa as well

つ：that wasnt for you like [facepalm] you're unintentionally doing mental affirmations with tsukasa. is the problem. nene and tsukasa are both like mmngh only you

あ：cumbrain tsukasa is very endearing like aumghmm im loyal too

つ：i do not need affirmations. from tsukasa. says amane im not trying to affirm that one sigh

あ：if you even imagined it. like intrusively. itd be like [frowns]. like sees mental image of me being like: you only think about me dont you and tsukasa like VIBRATING barking yes. doesnt it almost feel liek dirty talking a toddler

つ：like glkgl;gjdfklg

あ：the idea of being liek: you like ice cream, to a kid whose face and hadns are all sticky

つ：I'M SIMPLY LOVING THSEE TAKES ITS SO FUNNYYYY

ITS TOO FUNNY TO IMAGINE DOING THIS TO TSUKASA ITS SO FUNNY YOU CAN DO IT TO NENE ALL DAY and like he WILL do it to nene all day. like thats right girl you only think about and look at me. you can't even care about anything else anymore. how you should be. and tsukasa is absorbing it into his own brain 3rd party without amane's consent or intent.

あ：its. so funny. but also like , i do love the thought of it uncontrollably happening regardless like you can't remove tsukasa from the scene of the crime

つ：he is present.

あ：sigh its precious though isnt it… like shifting and fidgeting in seat as well… fox that is about to pee didnt ever conceptualize amane commenting on your feelings i dont think tsukasa could fathom like not, responding, mentally, i think the internal stream of thought must simply become yes master………………

つ：mochiron tsukasa does believe himself and nene are the same in their feelings, and amane affirming this dynamic with HER only affirms the 'we are exactly the same, we feel the same things for Amane, we want the same things with Amane'

hearing the relationship become THIS just naturally confirms his own dynamic… of course it's like that, because we are the same. like to hear it, as much as Nene does, we're all eager to hear such things

あ：our roles are the same…

but i love the thought of this happening like multiple times as amane gets like idk addicted to the sheer ease, the butter. of the situation. and keeps dirty talking nene possessively... and you only start brushing up with how this has been effecting tsukasa like later. you have a moment where both nene and tsukasa nod to something in a zombie like manner and youre like ? [shakes head] [but moves on]

つ：its sssoo funny how many times it could be that Amane is simply in such a tunnelvision horny state while devolving into his dirty talk, that he has blinders on, isn't seeing tsukasa, but as well, tsukasa doesn't express much obviously, he's trapdoor open mouth and big eyes, so you dont always know what he is ✅seen. But it is ssso funny to finally one day observe tsukasa synchronized nodding with nene lidding eyes at you, SO parallell to her, that its. -feel like you hallucinated-

あ：right like we're so deep into this madness and then its like hugh. j?? but.. still not being jarred enough to stop its just like a hitch. like what? but. okay

つ：tsukasa ..? oh m.moving on. whatever

you can believe he's just a sort of ape imitating motions if you think about this later and feel like dying. i like to think in the moment Amane would like, get over it, continue, but later in his stall unfortunately uncontrollably remember synchronized nod and feel dread

[of montreal voice] LETS RELAAAAATE

あ：Someone who feels their demise encroaching on the horizon Omens… and portents

つ：the time and place of your own death

あ：Uhuh. really just alternating between being like "no it definitely wasnt anything" and then "that. wasnt nothing." and then "okay but it-- even if he was. [scalding, hate to say it] horny-- it would -- i mean its probably just from THE SEX HAPPENING right. like the vibes in the room." pause. "… that doesnt sound… like, good. dude."

[to self] are we really going to… like, not address this. if tsukasa is getting horny about things you're saying meant for yashiro. [defensively] but i already have to deal with tsukasa being in the room while i do things to yashiro right. isnt that already so weird. what am i even going to say.

tsukasa is already getting horny about things meant for yashiro what does it matter. and what am i gonna say. wear this burlap sack. [being an asshole internally] we're already trying to ignore him being there.

つ：but the next time you are dirty talking her you are going to think far too hard about the duality of what you are saying. when you re-read a post but in someone else's tone of voice and perspective… and can understand how they specifically will twist these worsd

あ：starting to talk about your eyes drift and see tsukasa's gaze and its like [slows.] [now you two are just making eye contact]

つ：stops. talking. which yashiro notices is like a… ahh..? are you…. okay…. ? noticing something.. but I think Hanako would just snap immediately after

grab her by the throat, shove her down, DETERMINED TO SAY CRAZIER SHIT

あ：oh get all. the animal within about it.

つ：YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!! EVER AGAIN!!! YOU CAN'T SSSTAND ANYTHING ELSE!!! IT'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. NOTHING IS WORTH YOUR TIME!!!! BUT ME!!!

あ：it's like his own hiccupping and faltering makes him so frustrated, the only response can be [snarls] … cant let anything get in the way of ASSERTING MY POSITION. yashiro should know WHAT SHE IS TO ME. oh….. you know because hanako is the way he is i do think it could really get so sick. like. I WON'T STOP UNTIL EVERY DREAM YOU HAVE IS ABOUT ME EVERY NIGHTMARE, EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT IN YOUR LITTLE HEAD!!

YOUR LIFE WAS OVER THE DAY YOU MET ME!

つ：ah ssso scary for nene, but immediately violently effective, girls… girls want to hear thissssss.

going into tsukasa it's [eyes back in skull] myn the day I met you [was born] being younger sibling meaning never existing without the other.

あ：oh its a lot for tsukasa to hear that specifically isnt it

つ：in trying to target things at yashiro and blast through this obstruction, just say it, going to only say worse things, by nature

あ：there's no way to actually avoid effecting tsukasa. they are indeed, the same.

つ：there is NO avoiding it, you CANT make it more pointed, exact, you cannot.... you can't. saying all of that panting and watching both of them arching is flk;fgklfkl;jKL;GJSKL;GJSKLG NGNHGHKM!!!!!

あ：[getting crazier] YOU NEVER HAD A CHOICE YOUR LIFE WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE MINE!!!

つ：ah… the two of them…. its so synchronus its scary. scary to observe. shuddering as words hit skulls

あ：very scary... like its possessing them equally

つ：its like ohhhh hFKH EVeryones FUCKIGN EHRE FOR ME AREN'T THEY!!!! FINE

あ：ohh so thats how it is… FFFFFFFFFINE [frothing] you just love to hear it dont you [frustrated by the circumstances] wish i would speak to you like this all the time. would make your life so easy, right

つ：nod nod. nene has tears in her eyes... tugging at his arms, hands

あ：feeling sooo reduced… oh nene is such a humble girl i think she really quickly can be taken into a state of "IF YOU WOULD HAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [cries] if you could want that

つ：it makes her cry, to simply have what she wants..... to, be, owned. hard to believe, every time....it's so extreme, he has to mean it.... she's a grateful girl, when its happening. blubbering little mess....

Amane in his broken mental state, beseeching them both with.... Why don't you tell me something, for once... I'm always talking... say something. But...! It would only be Nene replying, Tsukasa DOES understand these sorts of instructions aren't for him, he just sits and listens to Nene with Amane, eager for her to be his mouthpiece, speak for them both, as she does. he sees her as a mere extention.... she's so sincere, too

あ：he has a lot of sincere faith in nene to be able to express, she is hand selected by amane and deemed worthy of this, she is good girl and does as she is told, she can answer the call

つ：whining that, I, I like not thinking of anything else.... if you really want my attention, alway, s, if, if it really-- doesn't annoy you, Hanako-kun, I-I can't, imagine, if, you wouldn't be tired, you're never tired...? Of me....?

あ：Oh i feel like it's the sort of sentence that makes Hanako become so !? [wheeze] of course. of- of course! [that feeling he gets, like: ITS SO OBVIOUS, IT'S SELF EVIDENT] ...... i could never get tired of it... [mouth tense. the road bumps!! swallows, drags hand on face] ... it's not even a competition. no one is anything.

[devolving into like.. muttering] i could do this all day… [hufff….] if i could keep you here. you wouldn't even go home, anymore. [squeezes throat]

つ：for tsukasa, at times observing nene is like observing a younger version of himself... scared to be called dummy, scared to bore, annoy, upset amane... strokes and pets her as she talks, nuzzles nene.

あ：it is like that isn't it… like the insecure self who cannot believe the interest is really present. while tsukasa has, in a sense 'matured' and gotten to the point of trusting amane's feelings so entirely that the fact that amane wants something is the proof itself

つ：amane will not waste time with unnecessary things… tsukasa watched him have no friends. he knows he is choosing nene, for a reason. but seeing her be sensitive, is sweet… seeing amane reassure her, is sweet.

あ：its pleasing to see them communicate directly like this. what tsukasa loves to seeee... getting right to it, say the words that matter most

つ：feels like amane IS healing

あ：i do think it is one of hanako's most feeble emotions that he wishes yashiro did not have to go home at the end of the day. it would be a big admittance… for her to get to know. bc she has to understand he's like a sad dog about it

つ：its cute he will occilate between dom voice and like…. nuzzling nene. so cute… having a really sweet moment of her crying. nuzz nuzz, from both boys. I love the idea of Yashiro sneaking out at night and coming to school, even if she just. sleeps. somwhere in the school. giving hanako privilege of watching her sleep

あ：break you into the nurses office or something. it would be sweet he surely wants to look at you all night and pet your head you know

つ：for all this though its funny if after a short beat he sort of…. looks…. over at Tsukasa. kind of half-lidded side-eye. Sortof grimmacing internally… like m…. observing him nuzzling and squeezing Nene, knowing that Tsukasa was also. Feeling those words, but did legitimately censor himself from replying… but its funny to be unable to control his nature towards Tsukasa. Throwing the dog a bone but, difficultly….. "and you. Do you have anything to say. Tsukasa."

Tsukasa is like !!!!!! :U ….. !!! ?!? [braindead to be called attention to] nene is like ? … [slightly confused why Amane is talking to Tsukasa? is like when… since when? hm? Tsukasa…?]

when justin is in that. mode where he's so like. When justin is like AND I lik- e, sex, weird ,sex. when H'es liek. aND i'VE got a, rap personality, to i-i his, name-- uh, its. shitty tim. [is there an offchance he STINKS?] HAHA y-- n, no I… not like, no not, shitty like….

あ：rhgfghjf yeah like fumbling to contribute as well

つ：[voice crackling in throat] YEAH I! [braindead] …AMANE…!

あ：…………………. …………………………………………………….. ………… tsukasa. [looks.] [like. go on.]

つ：!!! pants, ah!!! [excited kid on a stage]

あ：breathing into the microphone

つ：Nh! Nene-chan!!! The same!! Me, too!! Ne, ne, Nene-chan? [pivoting towards her cluelessly] its not the same as being like nervous its just being like lfjsdlfk;sj so mindless like ahouhh thank you for the opportunity!!! knocks over microphone

あ：oh you are going to activate hanako's dummy demon brain. youre not that smart huh. [slow blink] [FEELING like a benevolent god, as i reach over and grab your face with one hand]

つ：!!!

あ：[sigh] What is the same.

つ：hiccups A wiggles. now nene is also staring at tsukasa like… hm…. can he really get tongue tied? what is this scene…..

YouRs! Yours! Ua-Hhheheeheehe, we, 're here, for, AMANE!

あ：nene's end of this

the way hanako just has to feel like. [leers] Yeah that's right. [shakes head side to side while holding it in hand. the way people who are used to foxes just garb their mouths] [condescending tone]

つ：tsukasa just like HEHEHEHEHEHFEKGJRK!!!! HEEHEEEHEEheehee skitters ffeet under hakama . breathes

both nene and hanako looking so lidded . synchronus too

あ：💭 this is so easy it should be a crime. [hanako processing that dirty talking tsukasa feels like. shooting fish in a barrel]

つ：belong…. to Amane… fffor, Amane. [quieter, but still trapdoor smiling] born…. for Amane… to be with, Amane….

あ：

つ：makes Nene pause

あ：[jenny voice] heyyyy waita sec

つ：funny to think of it working authentically on hanako for 1 second being like…..[nene observes hanako ceasing] when hanako is like. the shape of. . fing ers, [begins not paying attention]

あ：[turns]

つ：I think Hanako is shitty enough, charmingly, to start like picking his nose

あ：as if this doesn't really concern him

つ：its like.... at best, pets tsukasa's head, but condescendingly

あ：that's the best i can do for you

つ：mmhmmm…… sigh you did as i asked

あ：pets you but doesnt look knocks tsukasa's hat off rudely in my gesture

つ：pant pant pant pant [perfectly satisfied]

💭 hmm… somehow this doesn't seem fair 💭… I dont know if Tsukasa-kun and I are really the same…. he's….. [squints, looking for kind words] . sure gracious, isn't he…. 💭suddenly, I feel pretty spoiled….

あ：thinking, i dont know if i could handle it if Hanako-kun wouldn't even look at me e-er. errrr…..

つ：eeehhhh…. really… hard to imagine…. what tsukasa-kun deals with…. how Hanako-kun appears from his position….

あ： nene thinking harder, in ways hanako and tsukasa just cannot: if i was just holding some other girl while hanako fingered her or something. omg wait! that sucks 😭hold on!

つ：WAIT THAT WOULD RUIN ME I justs had to listen to wahtever Hanako-kun said to her and trust it applied to me too😭 WE'RE NOT ALIKE AT ALL, TSUKASA-KUN

あ：🐟💭i guess i'm insecure even when i'm in the 'center' of this-!!!!!

つ：it's so overwhelming, but, there are worse things than being overwhelmed, aren't there…. ah, somehow, tsukasa-kun… he seems so overwhelmed by the little he gets, doesn't he…. that's amazing, but…. is it really good…? he was so happy, being spoken to, just now…. though, he's kind of always happy, isn't he…. should I be concerned? Is this overthinking…. but, well….

[huff] its Hanako-kun who I'm concerned about here….! why can't he….. do more…..Tsukasa-kun's graciousnesss…. it kind of feels like it's letting Hanako-kun get away with something…. just because someone allows such a lax treatment… does that make it alright? h-hmm… this is complicated.

あ：nene capable of being like ah hold on matte matte… …… i mean… i guess hanako-kun could.. technically treat ME in lots of ways and i'd… [this is scalping but.] ………………………………. 6_6

つ：s... so long as.... I was still... there.....

あ：i would just. be happy to be his girl i guess [bald]

つ：m-maybe that's, s, satisfying in and of itself, u-uhm… ettoo…… mmm.. l-like, my own. ah. loyalty, p.. proven m-maybe that's why Tsukasa-kun is so self-satisfied…. hmm, I suddenly feel like the most immature one here, ….. -- EXCEPT, HANAKO-KUN is just following his whims….! mmm

あ：…. but still, why doesn't hanako-kun want to be any nicer, is he really okay with treating his younger twin brother this way…. [indignant] hey, arent i older!

つ：… Tsukasa-kun said… he was born for Amane… that is how he feels, isn't it…. it's…. almost literal-feeling, in his case, isn't it….

あ：I suppose I can't imagine what it would be like to always be with Hanako-kun, since I was born.... [gets emo on tsukasa's behalf]

つ：see i want a threeway where hanako starts talking to nene as he does, and she just fucking grabs tsukasa's face and puts his face in hanako's face, and hanako is like RECORD SCRATCH

あ：it is her job to be like hey!!!

つ：[Hanako tries to look away. nene insanely grabs his jaw too] she didn't have a plan. this isn't actually well executed just got. indignant

あ：if we're just grabbing each other's faces out here if thats how we do things

つ：[trying to be fucking. firm-footed. we do things like this out here, don't we!! I'M OLDER] WHY DO WE ALWAYS LISTENT O ONLY HANAKO-KUN

あ：lol flksdghdf it feels like itd be such a [staring at each other] tsukasa [spiritually] hi handsem

つ：wiggles fingers hello vibes smiles so pleasantly! fancy seeing you heeere

nene trying to be a bold, dominant force: WHY DON'T YOU SAY HOW YOU FEEL, H, HANAKO-KUN! ALWAYS TELLING US, W,WHAT TO, DO, MMMAKING US TALK TO YOU… WH, WHAT ABOUT TSUKASA-KUN… C. CAN YOU TALK TO HIM FOR ONCE

[hands shaking holding them in place above her]

あ：wtf you dont kiss me i kiss you [pouts] hanako, disoriented, like -- where am i . werent we all like. Me: I own you You: You own us

つ：Tsukasa is just like [trapdoor mouth] heke? but I also think given a beat Tsukasa would be like… Nene-chan doesn't have to do this….❤️ you don't have to talk, Amane!

YES HE DOES

[enjoying this immensely] oh

あ：heiki heiki🤤 daijoubu im fiibne.

つ：sssooo like mnn hehe ouhhh this is so cuuute endearing awe nene-chan mmmblblbl enjoying staring at amane though like mm yes hehe

あ：a moment of pleasure for me

i think hanako is just like !? [frozen. bc the sheer like. what.] [internally, flatly] what you want me to what [frowns] [but like its so 'what' that he cant actually freak tf out about it really its like ?] especially when tsukasa is just like looking at him dopily i think its like

つ：………………….. we're too familiar for this, Yashiro. You don't get it [shittily]

あ：yeah. like . uhhh. lol…. n-no? Why would I tell Tsukasa my feelings.

つ：b. because…..

あ：He doesn't need to hear my feelings. Isn't that right. Tsukasa.

つ： I already know how Amane feels.

[wilting a little] BUT ISN'T IT NICE TO. TO HEAR IT!? YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT, DON'T YOU?!

あ："Hey……."

つ：Y, YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT!! IT FEELS GOOD TO HEAR IT!!! WHAT ARE WE DOING BUT MAKING. EACH OTHER. FEEL GOOD!!!!

あ：💭 you want me to make my little brother "feel good" ? kimochi warui

つ：I GET TO HEAR IT!!! A-AND YOU, JUST, S, sit there, I, I get that it's different, but….. b, but, T, Tsukasa-kun is. He's, he's patient, a-and,

wag wag awe Nene-chan….. wtf defending meeeee 💔 aweee

あ：Amane becoming like the. Looks at you expressionlessly like you are a particle. but i think he's not really offended by this still, it's just like. raises brow.

つ：I-I know he's content with just being present, I know it's different, but.. [trying so hard to articulate her own thesis. should have thought this through]

あ：tilts head. looks at her with some genuine pity, like, man she's upset about something isn't she. lifts head out of her hold but slowly, not ripping away or anything. reaches down, pets her head

So… you feel bad for Tsukasa because he's… well-behaved or something

つ：tsukasa, scalping Amane: It's difficult for Amane, so he doesn't need to do it Nene-chan is so kind…..

あ：[chuffs] Hey. Quit it This isn't about me

つ：YOU LISTEN TO HIM TALKING TO ME…. you respond, too… to it….I feel it. receiving things so indirectly always…… a. aren't I…. …. spoiled….?

あ：You are spoiled. [not helping]

つ：slaps him a little

あ：deserved. allows it necessary

つ：[MOVING ON] Tsukasa-kun…. can it really be like this forever, and be okay…. we… aren't exactly the same, actually….

I couldn't do what you do, at all…! If I was…. with, p, people, but I was always…. on the sides…. if I was just holding onto someone else…. someone else getting all the, love poured into them….

あ：[watching her go on like sheesh… when you say it like that] [starting to feel a lil bad. hackles raise.]

つ：[nnnnnot my bullshit being laid out]

あ：but you put hanako in such a position of... what, are you going to defend that you're very loving to tsukasa

つ：or do you si t there and wait for TSUKASA to do so hell both ways

あ：i dont like where this is going [trying to intercept tsukasa responding] Well, what am I supposed to do, to make you feel better Yashiro? You just want me to tell him, [falters.] that, it's good that he's here or whatever [6:53 PM] [trying to think on his feet] it's… I mean, the fact that I'm even letting him stay in the room. Is all the proof.

つ：tsukasa nodding feeling. feeble.

あ：… [doesnt like the vibes…] [looking at nene who is like, wet eyed at this point surely. troubled looking.] [feeling like Ohhhhh what do you want to hear…] rubs face.

つ：so feeling, stupid and belittled and yet still somewhat righteous, but unable to understand how to articulate any of it

あ：tsukasa must feel like oh poor nene she really is sad for me wwww

つ：petting her, shushing her, rubbing her lovingly with Amane….. [softly] …. I'm like Nene-chan, in the future Nene-chan… is like me, before!

Amane, [readying the scalping device] was… Amane. Hehe. I would lose something of his…. or break it… and he would say [PERFECT IMPRESSION] TSUKASA, YOU IDIOT …. [smiling] he's like that

he would groan [PERFECT IMPRESSION] UUGHHghh, Tsukasa! hehe. It's like that for Nene-chan, now ….. but. That's not how Amane really feels. Of course, of course! Of course, you know, how he really feels! It's easier to groan, hehe

but… we're having fun here, Tsukasa….. even if you know it's true….. objectively…. it would feel good to have….. more…..wouldn't it….?

[plainly] If Amane wanted to give me more, I would like that. Is Nene-chan going to make him?

n-. n-no ,

[disappointed] awe. okay!

w-wait.

あ：while they talk

つ：hanako transforming into a corn cob

あ：like sttttoppppp….. stop it [reactively] its not THAT hard, i dont need to be FORCED tsukasa is talking about me being. A LITTLE KID im not like that now [getting sooo.. like.. omgg stop the drags… stooop… IM NOT SIX ANYMOOORE THIS ISNT LIKE BREAKING MY TOY TRAIN] [FUCK!!!] but i think this would make tsukasa feel so ahaha. no you are still amane like nene goes chigau. that is you now.

つ：its not so different.

あ：tsukasa agrees. un un. oh its amane.

つ：he does call me dummy, sometimes

un un

あ：[feeling like he is being forcefully shrunked] wwHAAAT WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??? "THANKS FOR HOLDING YASHIRO WHILE I FUCK HER" ?F/GJFD "THANKS FOR BEING SO WELL-BEHAVED AND LOYAL THAT YOU PROP HER UPF OR ME"

つ：[talking to tsukasa, somewhat ignoring hanako] he's always saying things are self-evident and stuff…..

un, un he doesn't like to say it directly. action, action! Amane is about action! to your bodyyy [wiggling fingers] hehehe

あ：tsukasa, kindly: moe deshou. kawaii

つ：moe makes nene giggle

あ：kawaii desuyo ne… nene: souu…

つ：… un…… moee….. closes eyes, nodding sortof whispering towards tsukasa but still audible: but doesn't it make you wish it would be challenged….

あ：oh it's very fun to see amane be challenged [tongue lolling emotion] his reactions are the best so, will you? [wishmaker voice]

but during this babbling i do want amane to just burst out like HEY. [INTERRUPTS.] Look look look…………………. Fine. We'll try it out. [like ugh.. UGH. it doesnt matter wtf.] so can we stop talking and actually get to the funs tuff

getting indignant about not being predictable. its NOT in my nature. i'll show you two…

つ：i'm not even, having problems!!!

あ：If it really matters soo much to you Yashiro. Fine! Whatever you know. Oh me? Totally fine

つ：tsukasa smiling pleasantly. flowers around. mmm hehe

あ：[HUFFS]. watch this. [coughs] GOOD BOY TSUKASA. [like i am blasting a sonic beam]

つ：big eyes also big eyes she can observe it indeed working but its so funny, the crudest animal, he is just buzzing like ehheheheehe!!!! REALLY!!

あ：the way you can't eat food as a joke etc. [not a very immediate response, but trying to maintain cool front] Mmm-hmm… of. course you are. You're always good. [hurriedly, no homo] Just like Yashiro. 💭 cuz you two are ~the same~ or whatever. ohh good for you.

つ：ah he's so funny he is so protected. just funny

but tsukasa is just like paaant hehe CANT RESIST PUTTING ARMS AROUND SHOULDERS!!! THANK YOU, AMANE!!! nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle

あ：trying to prove a point but feeling so

つ：simply satisfied with this step 1. like we're rehabilitating an animal

あ：[grabs tsukasa's shoulders. but stops self from prying off.] [slack grip.] [doesnt. know what to do.] Yeah yeah you're welcome… [rolls shoulders.]

つ：hugs tsukasa….. you are good….. it'll be even more fun, some day

oooouu really……?

mmhm!

あ：Mhmm. [not looking at anything.] So fun. [sounds like i am appeasing some choddlers]

つ：grabs his cock

あ：[promising a kid you'll buy them a unicorn-- HRUGHFD]GF

つ：the way nene is threatening shijima. hthat sort of heelturn she can do or when she suddenly berates hanako after playing easygoing/dumb

あ：yes omg… played you under the fucking table actually i love whens he threatens shijima she gets all devil horns fully upright horns

つ：pumps through slacks. has her hand just between them, and a hand on tsukasa's back, still, from the hug

tsukasa is like hmmm, i see i see, holds Amane in place. increases grip on shoulders.

あ：Oh like the sound of iron bars slamming shut. it's all happening so fast -- like tsukasa reacted just before he could peel off and escape hand

Expert tsukasa reaction time So you just have Hanako kicking his legs about and making as if to float/inch backwards

startled horse out here. but ohhhhhhhhhh i think the cock pain is unimaginable in this position. 0-100… you weren't actually keeping track of yourself this whole time. feels like your body has been tense and wound up from all the prattling becomes so very hard in her grip it's abysmal

つ：nene has a devil horns mode somewhere inside of her. actually hanako being shitty this whole time has just made her certain of doing this, at a point.

あ：He thinks he can talk down to us like we're just two dumb kids or something ooooh....

つ：[flatly] oh, you got hard fast.

あ：dissociates

つ：slides hand into pants. just jerks off so fast

あ：It's never so. fast

つ：tsukasa's hand of this deal is simply being face against amane's cheek and nuzzling and getting THE most upclose experience of him breathing and panting and shuddering everrr WOOOOOWWWW

[heavily] Thhis is ffun, Nene-chan…… [breathed into Amane's ear]

あ：the-- you should never be talking to your sibling if you can see/touch your penis. shouldn't be chest to chest with tsukasa in embrace while getting cock stroked. sirens going off. WE ARE IN DANGER

but i think delightfully it shuts his brain down enough that he has no freaking plan of escape and is just squirmbling… grapples, grasps tsukasa and nene intermittently, tight grasps! but i think she is scarily determined and unfettered by some sloppy pawing at

they both feel amane buck into her hand harshly as tsukasa speaks… shuddering… trying to choke down noises….

つ：nene-chan is very impressive, he thinks.....

あ：very clever girl!

つ：tsukasa-kun, maybe you could keep doing that…..

mmm, talking? uuehehehe

あ：nene onee-chan is in the room, has the mic. i think she could be soo needling and exact actually, like: I can feel that he likes you talking.

つ：😮

あ：hauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh reallyyyyy?

つ：make hanako grab his own face

あ：you are FLAYING HIM it sjust like NNGHFD!!! knocks off my hat

つ：Amane…. it's good if it's for Nene-chan, right…? Isn't it good? she wants this….. you're pleasing her! That feels good, doesn't it, Amane? You can't feel bad for doing something she likes

(why am I on blast….)

あ：(thats how it is girl…)

つ：he is chaotic alignment.

mm, mmm, you're giving her a show….! She likes us, you know….

あ：[hands claw at the front of tsukasa's shirt] [scrabble scrabble.. restless…]

つ：….[thinking about the show, for her, then] …… I love you❤️

あ：hanako has become the big show. [cock painfully, dramatically seizing in her grip] i think its so oo lfijgghf. like hg fkghf dont tsay yhtat while i am getting jerked off so hard ifkdgh ..f [leaks] [drips onto her]

つ：nene finally tongue-tied observing this. ack. ddndmn. boys simply can only keep pumping mindlessly

あ：its a lot to be right up against. sheeesh the intensity…

つ：petting Amaneeee... really stroking face, hair, back. no longer gripping him tightly in place...

あ：A good position honestly… i like how he could reach past tsukasa to touch nene for comfort too, pet her hair… not in any state to like… flee.. its like ooh…….. youve shrunk him…

つ：gaze BESEECHINGLY but helplessly. while bucking into hand. does this pleeaaase youuuuu

あ：is this really whatis wanted [whines.]

つ：shudders to hear him whiine so close.... also whines, like sympathetic animal

あ：help… the whacky shaaack [RUBS FACE AGAINST…]

つ：the threeway… was dangerous, always HYUUEEEE NUZZLING. STEAM COMES OFF HEAD

あ：nuzzling but in a manner like two possessed animals frenetic energy. we are not calming down from it

rub rub rub… ohh and the way tuggies can be sooo violent when youre feeling it like fucks hand soo hard. rhghfg… always feel insane when im feeling it THAT hard. girl isnt even moving her hand much

つ：at this point…. she is really just feeling his pace and intensity, it's mostly him now…. seeing them nuzzle… w… whoa…. never seen it like this… haven't imagined it like this…. ! s. sweet, right….

moves hands to weirdly touch his ribs, buttons of his gakuran

あ：auerrr.. dizzying… reflexively, hanako feels fear about something like this. gut clenches. you usually are trying to live your life so that you would never be in a position like this. [thinks] oh but the brain…! you know, i think everything that lead up to this has left him in a position where there's a voice that's just like.. wailing in the brain… like… 'why can't you just say it back… why can't you just say you love them…! why can't you just say it… i want to say it! i want to say it back… i do! i do want to…' [eyes squeezed shut, teeth bared] [shaking head back and forth] [pulling hips away in fear, pushing them back into grip harshly in desperation] … there's times where your own mental barriers are sooo at war with your raw raw brain being activated by sex.. like… it's as if someone has escaped prison and is trying to grab the mic -- QUICK, NOW!! N OW… SAY IT!! say it say it say it say it.. say it. say it!!!!!! say it…. you don't even tell yashiro it, you're soo shitty, PLEASE, SAY IT!! SAY SOMETHING!!! [throat SEALED.] SAY IT [lips twitching, pulling] [swallowing, tongue curling] CMONN JUST.. [sound that dies off in 1 second, rghh SCALDING NOO MURI MURI IF FGHDF I CANT]

it should be fine it will be fine. they'd be so happy to hear it. you're fucking them, why wouldn't you want them to feel good. [bonk. bonk.] but also: [DYING, CRYING, FEEL LIKE BODY IS GOING TO INVERT, TONGUE HURTS, MUSCLES ARE TENSE!! REFUSE]

つ：a part of hanako that is like I HATE IT THE MOST IF I SAY IT IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE!!! [but it takes a circumstance like this to say it, the way it works]

あ：i dont want to do it like this NOOO its not faaair i dont want to ITS EMBARRASSING HA-ZU-KA-SHIII!! FSDHGJF NOOOO… but also like: I KNOW YOU WONT DO IT LATER!! ASSHOLE

absolutely NO way will you say it in a casual context!!!

つ：that is the problem . you wont even THINK about saying it later, when you're all comfortable when the world is your oysterrrrr

あ：the more he tries… really TRIES to say something.. the more its like.. [choking sounds..] [pulls own hair] … i think it really cannot even get close to the sounds… such a hump, its just like vague buzzing in the throat.

[mouth moving indistinctly]

つ：tsukasa listening attentively to the starts and stops.... can tell he's trying at something... which is interesting.

あ：but i think itd be cuuute if… like he has to pivot and hoarsely say 'help' amane needs. help [shaking tsukasa's shoulders slightly] [head hung]

つ：!!! … [whispering like child] from me, or Nene-chan

あ：who do i give the gun

つ：all good, and terrible options

あ：difficult. oh but you know… despite everything, i do think its like, it is nene who is assaulting me and i think he's kind of feeling an instinctive urge to hide against tsukasa. your little shriveled pea islike my gf is scary… brother help

its funny… when i think about the hindbrain tsukasa wouldnt do this to me😭

つ：kowaii nene-chan!!! ITS TRUE. your gf is scarier

あ：in response to tsukasa's question, amane's hands reach up and grab tsukasa's face weakly wordless

つ：ah! [oh its me!] [actually quietly enough to not be heard by nene, especially over all the rustling….] yes, Amane…?

あ：[simmering slightly… what is this ……….. it feels like we're under a blanket and tsukasa is talking to me in the middle of big kid stuff…] [.. shimmies closer. umm turns out , whispering helps the feeble sealed throat] i w. i want to… >///<;;;. say. stuff. [muttering] but s'harrd.d….

つ：hmmm... how can I help you say it?

あ：[groans...] i dont know.......!! ........ ... i dont know what my problem is.

つ：nene so fucking interested in fact whispering is happening. suddenly feels like damn they are brothers IM the fuckin third wheel omfg

あ：holy shit…! [but like respectfully] thats fair for now. [closes eyes]

つ：it is like. respectfully .

あ：its funny to like pause jerking off. but still hand on cock

つ：you can't let him escape but indeed. ceases pumping. they are. talkingit seems rude.

hmmm. do you want to say something good? or bad? its like lol is he trying to say stop or something nasty or something nice …/?? hmhmm

あ：its good to be wondering lol [hanako looking miserable] good…? [pinches brow, frustrated] no, wait, definitely good. you. you want to hear it. i just. [rhg!] i just want to… i want to be like. [RGH!!!]

つ：oh, something I want to hear….! [sound of a penny falling to the ground] do you want to ask to kiss?

あ：

you've made me so angry

つ：I'M SORRY HANAKO I'M SAYING YES TO THE MOMENT AND THAT IS WHAT TSUKASA WOULD SAY oh shit what i want? ok

あ：[distracted] you want to kiss. (fucking.. where the fuck am i!!!!!!!)

つ：nods it feels good

あ：uhuh. you know that

つ：they're talking so much.....

あ：its getting stupid out here [flatly] I don't want to say anything actually.

つ：fucking fsdklj;gkl;gjgklf;gg THIS IS HOW NARROW THE HOLE IS BUT ITS SO GOOD!!!! so ufunnyy.

あ：Unfortunately. Its gone there's no more urgency

つ：awe…..! okay…… …. nene-chan has paused. …. do you wanna finish

あ：you almost want to be like. No [sighs and slumps on] [just. reaches down and moves nene's hand] commence.

つ：o-oh..!!! c. continues?? tsukasa-kun… is he okay…..

un un…. [whispering to Amane again, much to nene's chagrin] amane asked me what i'd like to hear…. … there's too many of those to help you so, I'll never guess it.

you have to imagine tsukas'as brain trying to procure 'thing i want amane to say' is fucking. like. a cacophony of possibilities. and theyre mostly like. TSUKASA LET'S PLAY, TSUKASA LET'S HAVE A STARING CONTEST LIKE WE USED TO, TSUKASA I WANT TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER,

あ：hm things to make a guy horny honestly… you know amane's own nature keeps him suspended in things longer than necessary, you really put yourself into a state of being edged

so funny though youve kind of made it worse bc this time youre gonna b elike: kiss……… while getting jerked off again

つ：and then the ones Amane would especially not want to hear, the ill stuff like Tsukasaaaa let me do it againnnn, it felt so good [to stab you], Tsukasa you looked so good that day toooo, Tsukasaaaaa can I come on you

the fucking unending list of things Tsukasa Would Like To Hear. Would be a Tome

あ：hanako knows not what he is getting horny about i think its such a brainless reaction like oh you got so much huh

つ：lots.

あ：this is making suki feel like small potatoes

つ：in the grand scheme it is kind of small potatoes which is extremely funny its like, larger potatoes to NENE to overhear

like it would touch her heart. DONT GET ME WRONG TSUKASA WOULD LOVE IT AND BE VERY ENAMOURED TO HEAR IT!!!! amane is losing his mind over a single MINERAL

あ：no yes of course. oh its funny if. like despite the conversation devolving seemingly. that actually tsukasa took the edge off of things and hanakois like hwatever. i can say it in a roundabout way. like not how you think

つ：so effectively. so funny but it should work that way. like wtf

あ：you just made it feel so like [looks] [sighs while getting jerked off again] [leisurely almost] i love you too. there done. OHH everyone fucking clap now

つ：!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

あ：thats right

つ：[overlapping audio] AMANE!!!!

HANAKO-KUN!!!!

あ：[leaks]

つ：[ALL HANDS RUSH FORWARDS TO PET]

あ：(⊙_◎)

つ：AMANEEE AMANE AMANEEEEE AHAHAHHAHAHA I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THAT!! [stomps foot] I WOULD I WOULD I WOULD!!!

[wiping a tear] ah… I did something….. !!! good for them…. this feels like something has been loosened….. I did something nice…. after all…

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!! Amane!!! [NUZZ NUZZ]

あ：[being assaulted, but stress has been diffused enough that he can just cough. loll head, eyes lidded still]

つ：I love you, too…..!

あ：I love you… [muttering.]

つ：[cracks voice bc he is so precious rn, wtf!!]

あ：[reaches and pets nene] [cups her face for a bit]

つ：a more elegant, delicate jerking motion, loving caresses

あ：well here i am… (￣、￣) and. indeed. this feels good. okay i did it. (￣﹃￣) i proved myself i close my eyes and ic ome. because ti is my choice

つ：nene snaking in to kiss him on the cheek comes peacefully

あ：i like to do it. [rests chin on tsukasa's shoulder]

つ：it pleases my compatriots.

nene after this is like. HOOUUUUUUUUhh… OOFs down like ahhh a hardworking girl, exhausted, emotionally…. but this ended so well…. pleased… satisfied…. mmm

あ：imagining hanako having become so placid he looks kind of dead-eyed and vacant

つ：[whispering, but audibly, to Nene. I dont need Amane to not hear this.] Thank you, Nene-chan…! I really liked it! its so fun to be right there!

あ：[loudly] I liked it too. [broken]

つ：turns

turns

あ：fkdghdf looks like fucking.. WHAT!!!!!!!!! "SORRY. should i say that i HATED it."

つ：both nene and tsukasa so like mmmmnn..g…h…. mmm…. mmm ah, they both laugh at him… giggly bubbly girlz

あ：what the fuck…………. [floats out of the room]

つ：continue giggling in a pile, facing each other…. for nene, it's an adrenaline rush finally like ah, petering off… wooo the butterflies, settling…! little tangle of limbs with tsukasa, hands intermingled, knees against one another…..

they will touch foreheads and laugh and have an odd atmosphere of nuzzling for a while. i wish i could make hanako regret leaving like he comes back and they are kissing lol

あ：loool yes oh my god the most like cucked feeling what hte fuck [angry]

つ：calmly kissing. happened organically. we didnt think about it

tsukasa was thinking about kissing and nene-chan was very keen on gazing upon tsukasa directly for once, not avoiding him, as that defeats the point of her new creed, and one thing lead 2 another, didn't think about it too hard

あ：Hanako whenever he forces his way between kou and nene. like slides myself in the middle physically descends on you two like an annoying weiner dog

visually i just love the thought of squirmbling over and descending between them. wergle wergle. chuffs.

つ：nene feels a bit shy about it like flkjsklf ah what HAS come over me omg… c. crazy day. feels slightly corrected (but a little amused….)…. tsukasa just feels LOL HAHA [cuddles j00 then. puts leg and arm around]

あ：[grabs her pussy] these actions happening simultaneously

つ：one motion nuzzle . doesnt notice you went for nene's pussy. just thinks we're snuggling all of us. ready for a naparoo

あ：[just wordlessly i continue to rub her pussy] its a crazy day indeed

つ：nene kinda feeling like a . oh i could get fingered… i was such a good girl for hanako-kun i did a good thing and I feel good about it, being fingered would be nice

あ：the receptiveness would make hanako feel like "sigh. i also would like to finger" but a funny atmosphere of doing this with tsukasa like. wrapped around. but like… allows it.

つ：some mutually comforting fingering for us. with tsukasa just latched affectionately, causing no problems. its like what nene did was increase possibility for things like… this. hanako technically in between them.

あ：you've greased the wheels… fingering nene… getting nuzzled… its good though…. mmm its almost like its… its easy enough to quietly use other hand to just pet tsukasa. rub…

つ：feeling the most, mmm my... dogs.... sigh. peaceful vibes. nene clinging and tugging, her girlish self. a kind of... nostalgic feel to how 'basic' this lil session is. nice for hanako

あ：can just get lost in the sauce of fingering. and we just enjoy that and do not engage in mental chess

siiiigh i want hanako's own stubbornness to kind of loop around into… like wanting to prove a point in how not big a deal this stuff is for me, look. but instead just entrapping himself in circumstances where he cannot escape the raw responses.. like. Look how cool and progressive i am (kisses Tsukasa on the head) or smtn. i lean over and peck on cheek. but then you are forced to live in the moment of both Nene and Tsukasa becoming [stare]

and also not being like brave still lakshfhd like youre so far from makeouts…

つ：i changed so much. i altered hanako's dna

whoa. o3o ….. tucks… against amane's back….

あ：humbling to be chuu'd

つ：one little step atta time!

i like that hanako will probably just like, decompress from THIS day… but spend remaining days just like. thinking about freaking… Nene… Tsukasa…. these freaks

she wants me to idk DO SOMETHING with him, he wants to, kiss me, nene would probably love to WATCH that…. i didn't ask for this this was not brought on be me, i wuld never instigate this .. BUT NEITHER WUOLD TSUKASA

あ：Why would Nene want me to look at Tsukasa while she jerks me off. wakaranai Didn't she just say that she would be too insecure if she was off to the sides. when justin is like. bitches be crazy

つ：bitches! be crazy!

あ：tsukasa definitely wouldn't do that like. i mean he hasn't.

つ：he is not that rogue.

あ：Even if……… like………….. on some technical level………….. Tsukasa would enjoy kissing me…. [don't like to think it.] …………… I mean, we literally lived and died together. And that's not what happened.

[self aware moment] I mean. Tsukasa… wouldn't. Force himself onto me. [mouth pressed into a line] I can clip him for just hugging me too much. [but you hate the self awareness] it's kind of my fault for not rejecting the situation harder earlier. bUT I WOULD BE MORE SANE IF YASHIRO HADN'T GOTTEN ALL COCK CRAZY

つ：its hard for a guy to think while he's being jerked off! i can't make decisions like that! i can't slice the pie!!!

あ：fucking.. what guy can say no to hottest girl he knows jerking him off!! of course it feels good wtf so it's her fault i guess

[literally stewing for hours] …. and tsukasa even TOLD yashiro that he is fine with things, and, HE IS, he's liable to stick his hands somewhere he shouldn't for a second but-- He's just not thinking, it's like when he'd make a grab for food too fast before mom set it down

つ：he's just childish like that it's YASHIRO who wants to.. take things to some, new level. For some reason….! Pervert… a perversion of my relationship

あ： Insatiable… Not satisfied with things as they are… for some reason It's not enough to be sitting on Tsukasa like some luxurious throne while I fuck her

つ：its not enough to be so spoiled, i have to be harassed…

do enjoy thinking about Hanako toasting himself internally while starting out/trying to drag nene mentally for being the weird one here. you just get to the point its inevitably like. depraved… horny,gf. bizarre, freakish girl, wants it to get so weird in here, ew, wants to swap spit with me and my little brother like a whore

[just laying like this for a long time] [notices he has a boner] N

あ：Hanako is making the air quantifiably more humid

つ：i love a guy alone in his bathroom at night with too much spare time to think. alone with boner

あ：Honestly I think about this so much. I mean it's actually kind of what my reoccurring bit is with Hanako, where -- in , shaming you for being horny about this, he goes on to describe things graphically and gets horny in teh act of doing it

I do think whenever it's like: Stupid slut.. what… you want me to fuck his face he's really stoking himself at the thought

つ：stroking himself

あ：I think also the format of bullying makes him get cruder and harsher than he would normally... but htis just makes him. horny!!!!!!!!!!

つ：not being eloquent guy no more

あ：While trying to be upsetting. its like whaaaaat... you wanna jus twatch... finger yourself.. while he jerks me off [losing vision]

つ：its his own fault. But it's a noxious cloud effect where it dissintegrates nene too much for her to be the one to call him out, and turns tsukasa into the one like [looks]

あ：You know when a character is just broke. and they walk themselves back into, like, having fantasies

Your brain like ran a maze incidentally. desperate for pleasure It just expands Hanako's brain to think in this format. you can suddenly see so many positions

つ：its one situation though where nobody can do basically anything... it will just be hanako rambling like a madman, horny, tsukasa getting hot wind into his brain like mnrgm? (has NEVER congealed this imagery in his LIFE)

nene recieving this like it'sa scolding, but its also things she could have NEVER congealed as imagery, either!!!

あ：the [chuckles im in danger kid] fused with [why would you draw that] meme

つ：dealing with the immediacy of the imagery hanako is creating images for everyone involved to be slack jawed at

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

TW: 1x01 "Pilot"

I finally watched the pilot of TW and I had some thoughts that I jotted down in my notes while watching:

(all below the cut, it goes without saying, if you don't like, don't read, NO ONE is forcing you to read this):

So...yeah. Here are my thoughts. And I am clarifying here that this is critical of the show, not Jensen himself. I will repeat: this is critical of the show, not Jensen himself. Those are two very different things.

I must admit that I was not looking forward to this prequel. At first, when it was announced, I was. I was beyond happy that Jensen was choosing for his first project to expand the SPN universe, even if John and Mary's story had already been told in the original show. But then, as more and more details slipped through about this production, I became less and less excited for it. Last week's promotion and NYCC killed it for me indefinitely. But, I decided I would still give the pilot a genuine shot. What was said in interviews can sometimes be misconstrued or be a result of nervousness or bad PR or whatever the case may be. So, I gave the pilot a shot. And no disrespect to Jensen, Robbie, and Danneel, but this is not it.

I'm just going to start with the positives and work my way from there:

Drake has potential. Not only does he look like a young Sam but he really does have some potential to play this part - I think the locker scene was a strong one for him.

Nida and Demetria did great jobs this episode. I look forward to seeing their characters develop further.

I think the cast really gave it their best effort and for their sake I hope that this is successful either itself or enough that it launches/furthers their careers.

It was nice to hear and see the name Winchester again.

I was surprised that they used the same version of "Walking After Midnight" by Patsy Cline as Big Sky did for their season 3 promo, but it's Patsy and who can resist her? Especially that song?

I appreciate the attempt they're making at using different filters/lenses and trying to soften the look up so this is different compared to the look of SPN, but it feels like it's too much? Because it's connected to SPN? I'll explain more below

I liked Latika a lot and interestingly enough, she seems to have more chemistry with Mary than John does. (and she seems to have more chemistry with John than Mary does)

I'm still torn on Carlos. I appreciated his sassiness and sense of humor, but for an experienced hunter, he sure got pushed to the back quite a bit. And for Mary to allow a non-experienced hunter to take the forefront when walking into an unknown situation where her dad possibly disappeared, compared to an experienced hunter, no matter how pissed she might have been at him, that's very out of character for the very experienced hunter we know Mary is. (they should have never tied this back to SPN)

Now that I've covered the characters and some of the positives, I'd like to focus on a few other points/thoughts:

Too rushed: The first 20 minutes or so felt very rushed. We are literally jumping from scene to scene to scene, moment to moment to moment. Almost to the effect that you felt like you were getting whiplash. The cuts/transitions were too quick and if I didn't know anything about this show or its predecessor, I would have been completely turned off by this had it continued. It's too fast for any new viewer to settle in, never mind a veteran of the flagship series.

SPN should not have been connected back to: It's very obvious that they're trying to connect back to SPN, but it's almost trying too hard? I was excited to see Dean again just like every other Dean fan, but the moment I heard his voice, I was no longer excited. That didn't sound like Dean to me. And the obvious line of "I'm going to put this puzzle together in a way you may not expect" just turned me off completely. I understand why Robbie put this line in there, for the curious viewers, old and new alike, but it felt unnecessary? We didn't need that overview. (and the only thing I can think of them justifying that line for is that we don't know who Dean is talking to in his journaling yet, like Sam or whoever, but still) The show should be unfolding organically for the viewers so they can go on this journey with the characters, with Dean. Perhaps a better line might have been "I'm going to put this puzzle together because I need answers. We thought we knew the whole story of what happened with Mom and Dad. Turns out we didn't have a clue" or something like that to grab the viewers and convince them to come on this journey as Dean discovers "the truth" or whatever. Not to mention all the redos of certain SPN 1x01 scenes but putting them between John and Mary instead. These didn't feel like easter eggs or cool callbacks, it felt as if the pilot was being completely redone. Which brings me to my next point: had they not chosen to connect this back to SPN so directly and just put this idea forward as a reboot for a younger generation, then I think it would have been a whole lot better. I know that Jensen and Danneel both mentioned they knew any spinoff idea they had would have to involve a Winchester and they're right, I could see W*B dictating that because it's obvious why the other two spinoff attempts didn't work (according to C*W/W*B anyway), but to have Dean actually in the series...I don't know. It feels like one big ratebait to me. And I think it would have worked better if this show was made to just stand on its own. The coordinates thing, the whole missing fathers thing, the whole "saving people, hunting things"...nah. TW should stand on its own and not stand on the shoulders of SPN if this is the route they're going to take.

No chemistry: Sorry to say it but to me, there is zero chemistry between Meg and Drake as Mary and John. Which is surprising because Meg and Drake seem to have great chemistry in interviews and such. I don't think it's so much them, though. I think it has to do with the forced meet cute and the immediate forcing of a romance down the viewers' throats, instead of trying to let it build organically with the story. And that leads to...no chemistry. All of the moments where they were checking each other out, that John tried to be just the little bit flirty, it all felt forced and therefore, cringe. It was too much boom! too fast, considering the context of the story they're in and that this is the pilot of this show.

Monsters: The monsters in this episode - not what I was expecting after SPN or...anything really. I mean, the final boss in the episode is an Underworld Lycan reject? Who saw that coming? Not me. And the spider-looking thing in the beginning, again, not horrifying. Again, had they not connected back to SPN, the veteran viewers would not be looking for the familiar horror-feel the first season SPN had. And the new viewers would expect better of today's technology and make-up/prosthetics. I honestly think Greg Nicotero would be horrified at the end results should he watch. Am I saying TW is TWD? No. I'm sure their budget is a lot lower than the infamous zombie show obviously, but how did we get to that end result? Just...no. And don't even get me started on the demon voicing. I don't remember this type of tone and pitch happening in SPN. To me, it felt as if they were going for Exorcist-y vibes to make it horrifying and they succeeded...listening to that poor attempt was truly horrifying. And laughable. Sorry, not sorry.

Is this the SPN reboot or the Indiana Jones reboot?: I got serious Indiana Jones vibes from the first sequence of the episode and Samuel appears to be a Harrison Ford stand-in? Why? While I understand the MoL is a secret society so to speak, why would the show lean into that type of storytelling? Again, if this show had just stood on its own and didn't try to directly connect back to SPN, it would be better. I will keep saying it because it rings true in every minute of this episode and the setup for the whole show.

Also a Scooby Doo-SPN reboot?: Speaking of which, I also got serious Scooby Doo vibes and not just because there's a van and you have the setup of the Fred/Daphne, Velma, and Shaggy quartet (minus Scooby) - while I know Jensen has actually seemed to embrace that idea based on recent interviews, again, this should not claim to have direct ties back into SPN. Meaning that it will fit into SPN's story and that they are technically trying to shoot it similarly to how SPN was shot (based on when Jensen said that in the press while they were shooting the pilot). It just doesn't fit imho. This show should have been geared towards new/younger viewers and that's it.

And let's talk about the diversity elephant in the room: Before I get to my questions for Robbie, this is my last and final thought/point, and as much as I wish it wasn't the case, I have to speak on it. The POC's felt very pushed to the back and were only there to further the white leads' stories. Everything we have seen of Latika, Carlos, and Ada so far has been about John and Mary (as well as Samuel and Henry, two more white characters). Even when Latika and Carlos have a moment alone, it becomes about Mary. Not to mention the only things we find out about each character is this: Carlos - implied bisexuality, hunter, might have a crush on Mary (Mary's story line), Mary is still mad at him for something that happened back in Tupelo (Mary's story line); Latika - British, non-experienced hunter, knows about Maggie (Mary's story line), gave off very strong damsel-in-distress vibes even when she opened the box and sucked in the monster; Ada - she owns a bookshop in Lubbock TX, she knows about the supernatural (through what we see), she doesn't know Henry (John's story line). We know nothing else of these characters, not even a hint to their roles in the plot. And again, if we're going the Scooby Doo route, let's remember that Velma, Shaggy, Fred, and Daphne all got their own moments throughout the series/movies and had their own arcs that mixed into the plot. I mean, Carlos is the experienced hunter but after he saves John and Mary, he has John read the exorcism rite? So John effectively saves the possessed woman? (again, this sets John up to be the hero) And then when Mary and John are below ground, Carlos runs to get the silver blade after reading a rune, and throws it down the hole for John to kill the Underworld Lycan reject (and once again, making John the hero)? And Latika is used to make Mary jealous? And she's so nervous, she tries to reassure John before they go inside when it's obvious she's the nervous one, and John is the one that reassures her? I get that Mary and John are the leads but for a show that is boasting diverse representation, this felt rather...half-assed? I'm hoping things will develop further in the following episodes and Carlos and Latika will come more into the spotlight alongside the two white leads, while also having their own parts of the plot, their own stories that don't revolve around Jary.

And no more "amigo" please. That just screams that it was the mandated token of representation sprinkled in. I'm not saying that was their intention of course, but that's how it appeared. It's literally a cliche to have a Latinx person say that Spanish word. If we're going all in for representation, perhaps choose different words that don't make it so cringe and cliche. And one last point on the diversity front, Millie got more time in this episode than Ada did. I get why in the context of this episode but I'm hoping this won't be a continuing trend.

And while we're talking about representation, please showcase PTSD properly, especially for a veteran. I truly hope Robbie and the writers will showcase this very serious issue and mental health in general with more respect and gravitas. That whole car scene felt extremely forced (and again, sprinkled in just for the moment's sake) and it was only to set up another cute romantic moment between John and Mary.

A pilot is supposed to grab the viewer. It's supposed to set up all of the characters and the plot that you're going to be unfolding over the season/series. This felt like the exact opposite (other than the missing fathers/MoL arc).

Now that I've gone through all of those points, I'd like to ask Robbie (and the writers) a few questions. Robbie, my dude, I would like to know:

why Millie had such a bland response to John joining the Marines illegally by forging his dad’s signature? granted, yes, he's already done it and he's now back home, but really? this is her only son and they lost Henry, I would think there would not be such a blase response

how does John accept the truth about demons/the supernatural so fast? I get that he's a freshly returned Marine/veteran and has seen some truly horrifying things but this felt way too unbelievable. And he trusts Mary to tell her about his own dad that fast? I get that he likes her and what he just witnessed, but come on.

How does John know to scour the paper for cases so fast? While yes, he might now know what basic signs to look for with demonic possession/hauntings, how did he know to go looking for that? Or was it something he just happened to see while reading the paper? This is not made clear in the episode.

So let me get this straight, Mary is worried about John, doesn’t want him to sacrifice himself, but then forgets about him underground? And why did she take John down there to begin with, and not Carlos who is an experienced hunter? (I also mentioned this above; and same question could go to why Mary didn't fight to keep Latika away from it all more as well) And more to the point, why didn’t they bring something with silver in it and certain tools/weapons? If you're going to connect this back to SPN and have Mary & Carlos be the experienced hunters when we first meet them, then why on earth would they not bring something silver with them as a safeguard? Especially since they didn't know what they were walking into? I'm pretty sure that Sam and Dean would exchange a look of 'are you kidding me?' right about now. Even Krissy and her crew knew better than that. And Mary keeps telling John that he doesn't want to be a part of this life but she barely puts up any resistance when he keeps pushing to be a part of it? Even taking him places? That's not Mary. (and again, there was more potential had they stood alone rather than connect back to the original SPN & this would have been better for this series' story had she put up more resistance while also allowing their bond/relationship to grow organically)

If Millie lost Henry through the MoL, why would she give her blessing for John to go the same route? Again, why the blase reactions with her? Why, because she knows she can't deter John? Or because she feels it's his destiny? I mean, at this point Millie is completely two-dimensional. And I say two because she's a female mechanic running her own garage in a time where that would have been considered rare rather than the norm. That's the only way she got the bump up from being completely one-dimensional.

If Ada knew about the MoL, then how did Bobby or Rufus or Pastor Jim or Ellen never hear of them? If this is going to fit into the SPN story, then how did no one hear of them before but Ada did? Is that because Ada is MoL or...what? (and this is even before John gets involved in the story) And better yet, how did the Lebanon branch never hear of the Lawrence branch? How did Dean and Sam never find evidence of a branch so close by? And John seriously goes looking for his dad on some random letter allegedly left by his dad for him that some stranger gives him? (it's either going to be Henry doing some more time travelling or Dean himself, I'm calling it now)

and this might be more a question for the production as a whole but you are the showrunner so I'm asking you: why did Mary have a KF II reader in her bag that is reminiscent of more recent models? Haven't EMF readers of that variety (not model) only been around the last 30+ years (1972 is literally 50 years ago)? Why was there nothing home made? I know I keep saying this show should stand on its own and not connect back to SPN, but since you guys are going that route (and touting Mary as the Dean in this equation) then wouldn't it make sense for Mary to have something homemade a la the cassette player that Dean made back in season 1 of SPN? Yes, I know, no walkmans at that time (not until after Dean was born), got it. But something else she or Samuel or Carlos or even Latika could have put together? Why the EMF reader that looks like it's from 2010-2015?

Bottom line, yes, this pilot episode was a big letdown (and I'm sorry Jensen, I respect you, but I'm having a hard time seeing what you were so excited about and why you would sign your name to this as executive producer and your first project out of CMP's gate). There was so much wrong with it. It's very obvious that it's trying too hard to connect back to SPN while being the new SPN at the same time. And that's not going to work story wise, no matter what they come up with. I mean, I love Dean Winchester, LOVE him. I feel he got shafted in the finale, literally and figuratively, but even I was like #notmydean by the end of the episode. It's very obvious that Dean's "return" aka "heaven hiatus" was one big ratebait. I think some of us knew that but we were hoping for the best. But this...this is a hot mess.

However, saying that, I'm going to give it a few more episodes to see if the tide does turn story wise. I don't want to just base it off of the pilot alone, especially when it's obvious it was a quick put together, especially since a reshoot was mentioned (and I have to say I'm surprised that this was the end result of some reshoots). I'm not sure if Robbie wrote the following episodes or other writers did and I'm not sure who is directing, but it's possible if different, that might make a difference. And it's possible that the cast, crew, and whole production felt pressure, not only because they are being forced to connect back to the flagship series and carry that weight on their shoulders, but also because of who may have been involved with the pilot's production and whatever they voiced while there. I'm just going to be up front and say that this shoddy story telling vibe that is happening here does not feel like the type of story telling that Jensen has talked about the past 15+ years. So I think there's another kink in the hose of this whole thing somewhere but I'm not sure where that is yet. But we'll see. And that's just my opinion.

I have loved Meg since her American Housewife days, but I have to be honest, I'm not really feeling her in this project. Maybe I have Sam Smith/Amy Gumenick-tinted glasses on, but she just doesn't feel like Mary to me. (again, if this was standing on its own, it might work) Like I said above, I think they got it right with Drake and he has potential. I also think they got it right with Nida and Demetria (from what little screen time Demetria had). Jojo, I'm still on the fence about them as far as their performance goes. I'm going to wait to see how things unfold with their character and additional scenes they have moving forward. It's obvious that the cast is really giving it their best effort, but we'll see how it all comes out in the wash over the next few episodes and if it's either congealing/coming together to tell a cohesive story or if it's staying a hot mess and getting worse with each episode.

While I appreciate Robbie as a writer back in the SPN days, imho it remains to be seen if he can carry the showrunner torch. One of the biggest cringe moments I had from the NYCC interviews is when they revealed they were using a fan wiki as a technical consultant for the show, to help them keep track on SPN canon. I think I did an actual double take when I heard that. I'm sorry, you're using what to keep you on track for SPN canon? And you gave them the credit of "technical consultant" on the show and you're actually paying this person/these people? You were a writer on the show for how many seasons? And you have one of the lead actors that shot all 327 episodes for 15 years right next to you! Not to mention, this actor has a line in to Kripe, the creator of this whole universe! And you're using a fan Wiki???? Not to mention all 327 episodes!!! Wouldn't it be better to utilize one of these options? To pay someone (or use an intern) to scour the episodes for the canon facts you're looking for? Or to email Kripe? Or-- I don't-- I just don't get it. Tbf, perhaps that wasn't his call and it was someone else's (I really hope it wasn't Jensen's, it doesn't sound like it, but I just don't know at this point, I highly doubt that was W*B's idea), but what on earth? I'm starting to go off on this tangent so I'm going to stop here but yeah, I had some concerns going into this pilot. I was hoping I would be proven wrong but so far...

We shall see. Like I said, I'm going to give it a few more episodes to wait to make a decision on whether I continue watching the show or not. I'm hoping this pilot was just them struggling to find their footing, not only in the SPN box but also on who their projected audience actually is. But like I said, time will tell.

I once again want to emphasize that this is not criticism of Jensen, Robbie, or Danneel as people or Jensen as an actor. This is not criticism of the cast of TW or their ability to do their jobs as actors. This is only critical of the show itself, specifically the pilot episode, and the writing, thus also of Robbie solely as a writer/showrunner. So, if you've made it this far, please keep that in mind (I have also tagged this post appropriately) and thank you for reading.

We shall see what Episode 2 entails.

[matan4il]

Buddie 514 meta

With the first call in this ep, I couldn’t help but think of 316. When Eddie is there, to hold the line (and keep Buck safe, a symbol I explored in this fic), Buck’s eager to jump up and suggest a rope rescue. But the second Eddie isn’t, when their little team of two with their assigned roles I’ve mentioned before is broken up, Buck is suddenly okay with just asking Bobby what they should do. I know some interviews have suggested it’s Lucy’s daredevil nature that reinvigorates Buck, but this feels like proof that no, it doesn’t. Eddie does. ~~~

Gotta say two words about Lucy and Greenway. I didn’t like their remarks about Chim in 513, and now they did the same to Hen specifically and the team in general. It indicates they’re not a part of the 118 family despite working together. Which is significant! Eddie said in 311 that this team is the family they chose. It’s not a real choice if anyone coming into the fire station automatically becomes a part of the family, there has to be real chemistry. So in a sense, to see these two not really fitting in makes the click between the people who do more meaningful. But then, I also feel like this is another indicator that Buck and Lucy can’t be endgame. In addition to brushing off any possible meaning for the kiss by saying she got REALLY drunk, she also talked shit about Buck’s chosen family. That’s not the typical Love Interest, who’s usually shown as compatible and even loving the family of whichever character they’re there for. Yeah, another sign that Buck/Lucy isn’t and can’t be endgame. ~~~

That brings me to the other significant moment with her, Buck and Lucy’s talk... He was obviously just helping a colleague, and his tone was different with her (with Eddie it’s soft and intimate), plus he actually came over to talk to her to make sure she doesn’t go too arrogant about it, he didn’t come over to check up on her. But with Eddie, Buck’s been stepping in with him intentionally all along. Also, there’s this sense I get that Buck might have been impressed for a second with Lucy in 511, but this scene tells me he doesn’t look up to her. Lucy is at the start of her road, similar to where Buck used to be at the beginning of s1 (professionally, Lucy is now going through something similar to what he did in 102, plus she seems to be where he was emotionally in 101, only going for casual sex), and in realizing that, I think Buck is less likely to want something romantic with her. He seems to always like it when his partners are people he does look up to. Abby was stood out as a dispatcher when they first crossed paths in 101, she was older than him, more experienced and, for the young and reckless Buck, also capable of much greater self-control (he was really taken aback when he heard how long she hadn’t had sex). Ali? Handled herself really well during the earthquake despite the insane situation they were in, even helping them, despite not being used to this danger, since she wasn’t a firefighter. Taylor? When they first meet, Buck does have a bit of a crush on her as the reporter he listens to daily.

And then there’s Eddie, I just mentioned in the clothes meta for 513 how Buck has always admired him. I think that’s still the case, even after seeing him break down. I believe Buck continues to see all the ways in which Eddie is amazing, and is the first person to make Buck feel wanted, needed and included. So right now? Eddie is in pain and in need of help, but he’s no less amazing. That’s reflected even in how Buck helps him, by showing him how much good he’s responsible for. With Lucy, Buck probably just realized that she still has a long way to go until she’s even close to being someone who will truly and fundamentally, not incidentally, impress him. Now, something that I find interesting is that the spoilers we had before the ep sounded as if something Lucy says during this talk will end up pointing out to Buck how he can help Eddie. But no, it’s actually something Hen says that triggers that look on Buck’s face that says, “I just heard how I can help my husband and this is now my sole focus.” At the end of the day, 911 has yet to show one way in which Lucy has contributed to Buck or bettered him, unlike how Buddie are always doing that for each other. ~~~

Eddie’s dream turned nightmare is so interesting, it’s a throwback to the other scenes we’ve had of him and Chris together at the breakfast table, the ones from 511 being a contrast to what we saw in 204 because Eddie didn’t have as much time to spend with his son anymore. So this dream tells us what he yearns for, to have back that sense of quality time, to be a better dad. And it also gives us an idea of how much he’s afraid of dying, but not only due to death being scary in itself. Eddie’s scared of failing his son by dying. He’s SUCH a good dad, IDK how anyone can dislike him when he tries so hard. And that’s shown again when Chris asks whether he’s one of the things that make Eddie sad. No matter what Eddie’s going through, he puts comforting his son and making sure Chris knows he’s loved and treasured at the top of the list.

~~~ Which leads me to how insanely domestic Buddifer are throughout this ep. It seems like Buck might have spent the night over (maybe even right after the end of 513, meaning this ep shows us the following morning. Because we hear from Bobby that Buck took Chris to school, which would imply Buck knew Eddie had that very rough night and that he would need more rest than usual, which meant also helping with Chris, especially after how scared he was during Eddie’s breakdown. If Buck didn’t stay over, he would have had to come in very early, wake Chris up, help him get organized for school without waking Eddie up and letting Bobby in before he left, which is possible, but makes me feel like having spent the night there is more likely).

It obviously parallels the way Buck was there to step into Eddie’s shoes for Chris after the shooting (and this is so significant in 514, the same ep in which this trauma is brought up between Buddie again). We also have Buck being there as the babysitter while Eddie is in therapy, drawing with Chris and waiting for Eddie, expecting to be there for him to unload after this session. It obviously parallels 408 and the way Buck was there during and right after Eddie's date, except this is even more intense, since their talk after therapy was always going to be of a deeper nature. And lastly, when Buck takes Eddie to see Charlie, they bring Chris along. Buck didn’t have to, but he turned it into an actual, proper family outing, reminiscent of the 210 one where they went to see Santa together, and I’m… I mean, Buck must have known that this was going to be an impactful moment for Eddie, yet he still heard where Charlie could be found, realized Chris could benefit from this place as well, and made it happen. I’m not even gonna talk about Buddie’s silent communication when Eddie was a bit apprehensive about letting Chris ride and Buck reassured him with one look. Everything about the way they handle themselves in this ep says Buck and Eddie are married and are Christopher’s dads. Period. But since we see how important being a good dad is to Eddie (his dream-nightmare reveals it’s the thing that matters to him the most), that makes this domesticity not just incredibly sweet, it’s also such an amazing illustration of why Buck is Eddie’s perfect partner in every possible way, more than any other possible LI. Remember those drawings Buck and Chris made? They could have drawn anything. But those two drew hearts. And then Eddie literally held up Buck’s heart, which was happy and romantic, full of colors and bursting with love, with smaller hearts surrounding it on all sides. I’ve written before about the heart theme for Eddie that started with Carla telling him to follow his heart and continued with him being shot in his chest, through thinking he was having heart attacks in this very season and so on, but here, we literally see why Buck has Eddie’s heart and how Buck’s helping it heal, as well as why Eddie following his heart will always lead to Buck. ~~~

Buck and Taylor’s one scene in this ep, especially after the mess they went through in 513, was not a good look. We’ve seen it before, but once again, Taylor was basically using Buck for what matters most to her, i.e her work. But the tables have… at least shifted, if not turned, because this time Buck put a boundary instead of lying to her, as we’ve seen him do at the end of 506, and he also did the same thing she did. He used her for what mattered the most to him. Eddie. ~~~

(the rest under the cut. Thank you SO MUCH to the incredible @judsonryder​ and @whosoldherout​ who consistently make these meta posts so much more beautiful with their gifs!)

I also have to point out that this ep demonstrates the difference between loving partners who fit each other, and ones who, even when they try, they just don’t get it quite right. Consider Buck being upset in 505, thinking he was harming the team, and Eddie answers him firmly, “You’re stuck with us,” not accepting his self-deprecating perception of things, but still treating him with fond, amused love that makes it clear Buck belongs. Similarly, in 514, Buck talks to Eddie about difficult, painful things, not accepting his self-dismissive attitude and showing him how he matters, but always doing it gently and with so much love and admiration. In contrast, back in 505 Taylor supposedly held Buck accountable for his self-involvement, but she actually said something awful, ignored his insecurities about belonging, and spoke with him with so little tenderness... Every time, the show points out how people can lovingly and sensitively help their partners deal with stuff that’s painful, that maybe neither would want to have to deal with if they had a choice, and Buddie are like that (just like some other romantic couples on the show, consider Bathena, Henren and Madney who all, at one point or another, managed to both be honest with their spouses over things that are difficult while doing so with love and compassion), but it just isn’t B/T. Another reason why the clock for this r/s is ticking... The Lucy kiss was always just a symptom for all of this. ~~~

Something I thought of during the horse riding therapy scene is that Eddie actually parallels Charlie in it. When we first meet this kid, he looks physically ill (because he is being poisoned), and now we get to see him happy and doing so much better. Buck makes it clear that this is because Charlie got the help he needed. But it didn’t end just with being saved from the poison his mom was feeding him, it was also down to doing this horse riding therapy and being reunited with people that love him. Eddie himself is still looking physically ill as well due to his sleep deprivation, but he’s being shown that HE can be doing better too, he can be happy again, his poison is of another kind, it’s traumatic incidents that might be in his past, but it’s going to take therapy and being reunited with the people he loves to help get him better. And the fact that the last part is about Buck more than anyone else in their found family is mindblowing and the truest sign of being meant for each other. ~~~

Since all throughout the season we’ve discussed the Buddie and Madney parallels, I wanted to point out that they exist in this ep too. First, there’s how Chris tells Eddie, “You seem sad,” which calls to mind the way back in 403, Buck told Maddie he always thought she was sad, too. Then there’s the specific way Buck chooses to help Eddie re-find his belief in the worth of his work as a firefighter, which is exactly how Maddie was helped in 217, when she wanted to quit her job: by being shown the good that they were responsible for with the people that they helped to save. But then, there’s another parallel in here as well. This specific way of helping Eddie also continues the parallel between his s5 arc and Buck’s in s3. Because when he had quit and was at home, moping and depressed, Eddie came to his apartment with Chris, showing Buck how what he did mattered and that he had made a huge difference, with even just one kid. This is… I know we keep saying we’re feral over Buddie, but honestly, it’s 911 itself that is!

~~~ OMG, the way Buck helped Eddie, I’M... So I have to admit, I still want someone to point out to Eddie that saving people is worth it even if they do die sometime afterwards (hey, we all do eventually, so why is giving someone 2 extra years any less worthy than giving them 20 more? Every moment we’re given is precious and counts. Plus, when I talked about this in 513’s meta, I mentioned that the people Eddie saved might have done some good themselves during the extra time they got. Like the Captain who died during his army service? Might have saved another soldier before he did, and that person wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for Eddie giving his Captain that extra time. What they showed in 514 with Lucy illustrated this perfectly, I just wish it was said to Eddie explicitly). But I absolutely loved that they used Eddie’s recent crisis to bring back the shooting. Now, I have to say that the conversation between Eddie and Buck obviously takes us back to s1 and Buck learning the limits of what he can and should do for others, with the theme of “we stop outside the glass doors” taking him from being unable to let go while on the job in 101, to being able to let Abby leave outside the airport gates in 110. But it also threw me right back to 204, as I pointed out in this gifset.

‘We can only save the person who happens to be right in front of us and then we let go’ is the lesson Buck was meant to learn, but I just find it so telling that from the moment Eddie joined the team in 201, he’s been continuously the person right in front of Buck, the one Buck’s interested in, the one he tries to comfort in 202 as Eddie worries about Chris, the one Buck goes with after the earthquake and witnesses the Diaz father and son reunion, the one he introduces to Carla in 204 to help with all of Christopher’s needs... Because Buck MADE Eddie the person right in front of him, he CHOSE that, REPEATEDLY. Because he walked past the doors, stepped into Eddie’s mess with him, not just once, he kept checking in, making sure Eddie was okay even after supposedly all of his problems had been solved thanks to Carla. Buck could have left it at that, but he didn’t, he gradually but fully became Chris’ other parent. And Buck isn’t like that with Chim, Athena, Bobby or Hen! Sure, Buck’s been there for them, but he has never made them his entire focus or became an integral part of their core families, never turned them into the people that he’s there for on a constant basis, in bad times and good ones. That’s been reserved for Eddie from the start. I have to admit, I was also reminded specifically of the scene in 204, because in 514 Buck wears plaid to the horse therapy outing, which he doesn’t wear that often, and I might be way off, but in my mind this choice visually connected us back to him introducing Carla into the Diaz home, because that’s what Eddie wears when he realizes that, for the first time in years, maybe ever, he’s not alone, he has someone who’s focused on helping him, who has made that their PRIORITY, who helps Eddie fulfill what matters to him the most, which is being a good dad to Chris. It’s why Eddie looks at Buck with such awe during the Carla scene, and in 514, the awe with which Eddie regards Charlie? Seeing this promise that he has done good, but more than that, that he too can get better? That’s thanks to Buck. I’m sorry, I’m a BALL OF FEELS AND IT IS ALL THE FAULT OF THESE TWO MORONS, I CAN’T, I QUIT. ~~~

I hope you enjoyed reading this! If you did, please consider reblogging and spreading the joy. Thank you in advance! xoxox

[writing-for-life]

The Facet Is Not the Jewel...

I am a child of the 80s. I basically grew up reading DC and Vertigo comics. Especially Frank Miller’s Dark Knight and Neil Gaiman’s Sandman have stayed with me beyond my (goth) teenage years: Some of it might be pure nostalgia, but a good story with depth is a good story with depth.

While I always was, and always will be, a writer at heart and have managed to supplement my main income with writing to a decent degree, I also chose to have a “day job” pretty early on: There was that whole thing about confidence and the starving artist trope, enough said. Today, I might tell my teenage self to have more faith, but I don’t regret getting a degree in something else: I care about people, and I believe in the healing power of storytelling, so I feel I can combine both, and that’s what I do.

I always have a keen interest when a new TV or film adaptation lands, and of course it is totally impossible to escape the current hype around “The Sandman” (which, as you will know by now, I feel very attached to myself). Without wanting to go into the depths of the series, I think it was brought to the screen beautifully. Like the next person, I hope for season 2 (Netflix, can you make up your mind already?). It felt true to the comics while at the same time being adapted perfectly to the screen and today’s world.

However, one aspect of the fandom has me completely flummoxed (well, not really, I’ll get to that later): The Morpheus/Hob ship. And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist: I am queer myself and have experienced enough bi-erasure from both straight and gay people to last me a lifetime, so I definitely don’t have a problem with queer relationships.

Even if Tom and Ferdinand have chemistry (to be honest, I think Tom has chemistry with everyone, but I don’t always read it as sexual. Maybe I’m too old), and a potential romantic undertone has been confirmed by some of the show’s writers: It just means it’s been left purposefully vague or ambiguous to make all audiences happy.

As an example: To me, as a bi person, their relationship in the series didn’t vibe as anything other than deep but platonic. Does that mean it was only platonic? No, it just tells us that we see what we potentially want to see. And naturally, that’s the beauty of storytelling—it holds space for all sorts of things.

I’m totally fine with them having sexual and/or romantic chemistry, or if people perceive it as such, and I welcome it.

But here’s the rub: It is the vastness of the ship, but the complete insignificance of this aspect to the storyline, that has me scratching my head. In a way, the narrow fandom-focus on it makes me a bit sad because so much of the beauty of “The Sandman” gets lost in it.

Do I believe that Morpheus’ capability to feel sexual and romantic attraction is fluid?

Absolutely, I think that is a given due to what he is and how others perceive him. Canonically, we obviously see a strong preference for CIS women (or ethereal beings that would pass as such), but other things have been changed for the TV adaptation. So it wouldn’t really matter if it were in any way important to the plot.

Do I think that the relationship to Hob is purely platonic, and that it has a purpose in the story arc that goes far beyond mere sexual or romantic attraction?

Also yes. A platonic relationship/friendship isn’t less deep, people! Maybe actually the opposite: Morpheus’ relationships to romantic partners never last (and in this case, it actually doesn’t matter if they were heteronormative or queer). The relationship to Hob does last—probably because it isn’t romantic/sexual.

I already hear the legions of Dreamlings protesting:”That’s just because he never found the One, but Hob is!” I mean, seeing it like that is totally okay for (smutty) fanfics and whatever people are daydreaming about (not judging, totally on board myself ;)). Beyond that though, it just seems so far removed from the deeper significance of their relationship.

I just have this feeling that if we get a season 2, people will go absolutely nuts if Hob doesn’t get decent screen time, and I am thinking to myself: “Why would he, apart from very particular parts of the story (especially towards the very end) that we might not even get to see?” Yeah, you can probably tell I’m fun at parties…

What I also find bewildering is the general zoning in on the aspect of sexuality in this context. It doesn’t even matter if it is homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality, asexuality… All of it is, in my opinion, already so normalised in the comics (if you think of when they were written), and especially in the series, so the complete and utter focus on it is certainly... interesting.

By letting the sexuality of the characters and their (imagined or real) romantic afflictions (which, 9/10, seems to originate in our own desire to bed them—it had to be said ;)) take centre-stage, the beauty and depth of the story get totally buried under something that feels so shallow to me it makes my heart ache a little (my problem obviously).

Spoilers ahead… Don’t read on if you have never read the comics and still plan to do so. Also: Trigger warning for certain mental health references

Morpheus’ arc is a hero’s journey without a happy-ending (although I guess that depends on your definition of “happy ending”). It is essentially a long planned, carefully orchestrated suicide:

He knows that he, like so many people and entities around him, cannot change (despite some semi-successful attempts at becoming a bit warmer and gentler: In the comics, he is pretty much an arsehole for a very long time). He feels deeply but represses those emotions frequently so they don’t overwhelm him. Not least because of this, he has acted incredibly (maybe not always intentionally) cruelly towards the ones he loves (and others) throughout his existence. Pride is one of his weaknesses. These aspects of his personality also have been brought to the screen: If you didn’t get the hint in episode 4 (his refusal to forgive Nada), or when he, later on, kills Hector right in front of Lyta (he clearly could have done this differently to make it less emotionally painful and traumatic), I rest my case.

His inherent rigidity, and what it brings on from this point onwards, is ultimately part of his demise, and I believe he is fully aware of it (too many cues to mention). Much like someone who plans to commit suicide and doesn’t act in the spur of the moment, he gets his affairs in order, and he makes up for some of his past mistakes. That’s not the same as laying down a rigid sense of duty: Tragically, it is the very essence of it.

If you wonder about Hob’s function beyond being a potential love-interest or friend: He, like Destruction (and Delirium), continuously does what Morpheus ultimately cannot: Change. He is holding up the mirror to Morpheus, who, unlike him, is forever caught in his sense of duty and responsibility.

Morpheus could have made entirely different choices several times, especially in “The Kindly Ones”. He purposefully painted himself into a corner on at least three occasions that would have been easy for him to act upon differently. He chose not to, again for reasons of being committed, but also for reasons of being done. He decided that the only way Dream could keep on existing was letting the aspect of Morpheus die.

There’s a beautiful scene involving the facets of the dreamstones, of which the ruby held most of Morpheus’ essence and the emerald will be passed on (it’s more complicated than that, but this is already longer than planned). I’ll just leave this sitting here, and you can make of it what you wish:

So, to all the Dreamling shippers out there: I love what you’re doing, I believe in ship and let sail. But a deep part of me also thinks I don’t want to see it on the screen. The good thing about stories is that they can hold such ambiguity. I hope that if we get more seasons, many won’t be totally crushed that this might not be a story with the ending they hoped for. Not for Hob x Morpheus anyway, but then again: Who knows...