#i feel so much about this project but not in an unhealthy way you know?

[aurae-rori]

MESMERIZER ANALYSIS!

Hi guys, Aurae is back at it again at Krispy Kreme, this time with a voacloid song analysis (woah!). So, before we get into this, here's my usual disclaimer! I have been researching psychology for approximately six years and I plan to go into it professionally (:O). HOWEVER, that said, I am NOT a professional, so understand that everything I come to conclusions about has been analyzed with some personal judgement, personal interpretations, and this is just what I have concluded.

This also contains a lot of personal projecting onto this song as art is aways up to interpretations, and I see a lot of my childhood in this song. I will be touching on topics that are implied through lyrics, and you may not see this song the same way that I do, and that is perfectly okay! This is my take on deconstructing some of the messages that this song has.

A TW FOR THIS ANALYSIS INCLUDES: hypnotism, escapism, unhealthy coping mechanisms, suicide, self-harm, depictions of abusive environments (as that is how I interpret this song), manipulation, gaslighting, dehumanization, neon colours.

So, now let's get into the confetti and fun wonderland of MESMERIZER!

I'll be splitting this into three parts: The part where I talk about the song lyrics, the part where I talk about the animation itself, and then I'll explain a few theories I've seen, as well as my own, adding onto the story that I think it is telling.

PART 1: SONG LYRICS ANALYSIS

“No thinking about real feelings

Are you pretending to not notice?

The absolute truths and your own heart

That's how the safe zone is shrinking

Prostituting your wounds

You give a feeble cry, such shameful conduct”

Although the song itself is quite catchy, cheerful, and jubilant, the lyrics are far from those things. We immediately start off with the idea of disregarding one’s own feelings, Miku talking about how people pretend not to not notice their own feelings and the ‘truths’ of their own hearts. However, this is hard to avoid forever, and their ‘safe zones’ (escapism places) are shrinking as reality creeps up on them, so they ‘showcase’ their sorrow to others. I think this is definitely a metaphor for how some people overshare to others and tell others all about the ways that they’ve hurt, which can be used against them, as this gives others easy access to material that could be used to manipulate them. However, there are also undertones of self-shame (which comes with trauma), calling their cries for help ‘shameful’. It should also be noted that some abuse survivors, while being abused, have relatively clear cries for help through their actions that nobody else seems to pick up on, which is also a theme in this song as nobody answers Teto’s cries for help. 

“I’ve got a recommendation for you, the ultimate escape

Eventually, you will be saved from being lured into sweet traps

Now that you can no longer live sanely in this world anymore

Perhaps pretending to know nothing

And surrendering yourself is the optimal solution”

This ‘ultimate escape’ that the song talks about is escapism, or imagination. Reality is too hard to deal with, so children turn to their own minds as a way to stop the pain from taking over. It’s much easier to live in a dreamworld rather than a reality where you’re being hurt, right? They say that ‘ignorance is bliss’, and they’re taking it to the next level here by repressing, ignoring, and denying their own true feelings in order to feel happiness. They escape to that ‘safe zone’ mentioned earlier within their minds. However, there is an irony in the second line where they talk about ‘sweet traps’, as it can be interpreted as the imaginary world being ‘sweet traps’, or maybe the harshness and certainty of reality can be considered a ‘sweet trap’ as well, depending on how you look at it. 

“If a bunch of flowers dressed up with words

Can steal one's heart, are they real?

To an event where everything will be tainted

I give you an invitation”

This runs even further with the idea of imagination and escapism, because flowers cannot literally dress up and speak in the real world. This is talking about how maybe the characters feel like they can no longer distinguish fiction from reality, talking about how fictional things can make you feel things, so they must be real, too. It’s basically saying that because fiction has such an effect on us, then can fiction and imagination be considered to be another form of reality, as well? However, it is mentioned that the event will be ‘tainted’, possibly referencing the idea of fiction completely overtaking reality. 

“Farewell

You're tailor-made for this era

With an appearance of vulnerability

Fooled by this truthful acting

Your heart beats so very loudly

Your extra lives are quickly being lost

Your durability worn away

Dodging matters right in front of you

You got your hands full just living”

This is where we go back to the idea of manipulation, and maybe even conditioning. ‘Tailor-made for this era’ implies that something turned these people into the kinds of people that would be easily manipulated. It is also implied that the two are hurting and explicitly stated that they’re vulnerable and easy to take advantage of. I would consider the theme of hypnosis and brainwashing to tie into this as well. They are more vulnerable to the idea of being manipulated and taken control of due to the fact that they are hurting and want to escape to another reality, and will believe anybody that says that they will make things better because they are hurt too much. They are fooled by the acting of the people that pretend to love them, who are really here to just control them. This is talking about the urge that people have to run away from reality, because just getting up and existing can be such a challenge. 

“You’re getting sleepy, a shallow hypnosis

Your head, your body are becoming muddled

No way, so many tricks?

Swinging a coin before your eyes

You'll become completely still

"This is fine," even you can be coaxed into shut down”

This is Miku’s part, and the part where she is completely hypnotized and taken control of. She ‘shuts down’, completely rejecting reality and going into the ‘imagination world’. She does not want to feel pain any longer and takes the opportunity to run from it, turning into a puppet for others to control and manipulate. 

“You're getting sleepy, a shallow hypnosis

Your head, your body are becoming muddled

No way, so many tricks?

Swinging a coin before your eyes

You'll become completely still

(coercion cancellation)” 

Teto’s part however, in the middle of it, fades out, as she does not completely listen to what the people have to say. She resists the manipulation, and it’s explicitly stated with the part where it goes ‘coercion cancellation’. She is actively fighting the urge to run away into escapism, and resisting the manipulation of whatever is trying to do so to them. 

“However you survive today, it's unrewarding everyday

You're already in a bot-like cycle

Continuing from the moment of inertia

If you have no luck, no hope, it's all the more pointless

If you haven't got it then give up

Playing with the leftovers is your fate”

This is just more stuff about giving up on the real world. Inertia means “the inherent property of a body that makes it oppose any force that would cause a change in its motion”, aka: refusing to move, even when force is put upon something. I would say ‘inertia’ is a synonym for birth or consciousness, because it’s talking about how even from the moment that you are born that you are stuck in a cycle of endless pain in reality. This part is basically talking about why you should give up on reality entirely and simply live in the worlds of your own creation, running away into escapism and disregarding the real world in favor of not feeling pain. 

“You’re tailor-made for this era

With an appearance of vulnerability

Fooled by this truthful acting

Your heart beats so very loudly

Exaltation has already lost its meaning

A fake charisma

If you stare directly at reality, you’ll end up going blind

So do it in moderation”

Once again, talks about being perfect subjects of manipulation. However, Teto speaks of the fact that the rush of joy that you usually get after originally going into the escapism world has already been lost, and that it is fake. However, she also mentions that if you keep on living in the real world the entire time, it will not do you any good, so she advises everyone else to live in your imagination only sometimes, but to keep an eye on the real world. 

PART 2: THE ANIMATION 

This is just a lot of things that I have noticed other people saying, but some tidbits about the animation include: 

This is a screenshot from the very start, showing how there are themes of hypnosis from the beginning. 

I believe it is also mentioned that the 13-pointed star that is shown a lot represents immortality. 

Also, can I mention that their outfits seem almost childish in nature? I believe that this is meant to represent that they are ‘vulnerable’, intensifying the idea that they are easily taken advantage of. However, these also look like worker outfits in the way, with the yellow rectangles almost looking like name tags. It almost seems like they’re workers for a children’s amusement park? Which would make the horror aspect of this even worse… 

Miku’s shoes are rollerblades, which can be interpreted of her being more carefree and more willing to run away, because wheels are faster, and can also be interpreted of her being less connected to the ground/reality. It can also be shown in the idea that she is the more ‘childish’ of the two of them, being easier to manipulate, which is why she falls to hypnosis first. 

In contrast, Teto’s shoes look rather normal. Probably a representation of her being more grounded? 

I’ve seen people interpret Miku’s cuffs as like places for strings to hold onto during her later animations, which can tie into her being more of a puppet rather than a human? 

Star pupils at the start for both of them when Teto talks about an escape. They are clearly both looking for one. 

However, Teto pretty early on also does the ASL sign for “HELP”.

Also, Teto blinks in morse code for “SOS” during the first chorus. 

The first letter of all of these spell out “help”, while the fourth letters spell out “SOS”. 

“phosphoribosylaminoimidazole succinic carboxamide” is something that helps with energy metabolism, as well as DNA synthesis. I believe this can be a reference to the fact that many abuse survivors go through dehumanization, or it could be a reference to the idea that neither of them feel “real” or “human”. 

Also, at the end here, Teto makes another nonverbal sign for help with her hands. 

Miku is hypnotized pretty easily, swaying from side to side like following the motions of a coin. 

However...

Teto resists hypnosis for ten days, if you count the amount of times the sun rises and sets in this scene. Although, at the end…

Even she falls into hypnosis.

Also, their entire background is green here. Teto looks a little shocked, while Miku finds nothing wrong with this. This may be a green screen, which further emphasizes that the world that they are in is not real, and is only a product of escapism and/or imagination. 

Miku has never done this pose before, until after she was hypnotized. 

Also, it’s a good time to say that Miku’s movements here look robotic, or like she’s being puppeteered, with how jarring they are. 

I didn’t point this out before, but this happens earlier too – they point at the star, and tell you to “focus”, before “MESMERIZER” is spelt out really quickly in the star, at the very start, but not at the second time.  

As we start the next chorus, Miku’s face develops into this. It’s also noted that Teto stops bouncing for a few moments in pure shock. Also, I should mention that after you hang yourself, your tongue can protude from your mouth. There’s also a choker around her neck, and her skin seems to pale considerably, which points to the idea of a suicide. However, if she’s dead, what is puppeteering her? 

Also, the star at this point is swirling. It’s outright trying to hypnotize you. 

However, after this, Miku continues to dance, even after her part is over, and even goes off beat. The amount of confetti in this scene is increased considerably, as if whatever is trying to hypnotize them or control them is trying extra hard to make Teto give in. 

At the end, she does. 

PART 3: THEORIES 

So, what the hell does this all mean? 

Let’s recap– 

Teto & Miku are going to the unhealthy coping mechanism of escapism to deal with their lives, through one form or another, to run from reality. This much is clear. However, it gets to be too much for them and they are inevitably hypnotized by something or someone, taken control of, and while Teto asks for help, Miku gives in early, leading to the ending. This is all we can take from surface level. 

This is where I get into it with my theories. 

I like to mention the fact that these two feel immensely like they’re being conditioned by something, or someone, that they are supposed to trust. Maybe an adult figure in their lives. They clearly have faced hard shit during their lives, which explains the need for escapism. Teto is the more grounded one, and Miku just wants to escape from the pain. The first way that I interpret this is: 

Childhood abuse. Both of them are being manipulated and coerced by their own parents, and are finding solace in one another. Teto brings up escapism to Miku, and they do it together, creating worlds together and having fun at the start. Teto keeps on trying to ask for help to the people of the outside world in miniscule ways, but even when she directly asks for help dealing with her situation, she is still ignored and pushed aside. So, they then escape whenever they can because it gives them a feeling of control when in fact their own escapism mannerisms are a way to try and control their real lives but it doesn’t matter because it’s better this way. So all of her “SOS”s are for nothing. 

However, the longer the abuse goes on, the more they fall into it as their only method to be saved, and Miku eventually cannot handle reality, falling into the imagination world forever – that is, killing herself so that she will never have to deal with reality again, being pushed over by the expectations she had to fulfill in reality. Teto stays afterwards, however, trying to handle life, but is eventually manipulated into being something that she’s not, and kills herself as well due to the pressure. However, this could also be interpreted as a “loss of the self” as they either drown themselves both in the imagination world, or could be interpreted as the fact that they eventually simply turned into the people their parents wanted them to be. 

I can also interpret this in a completely opposite way – that the world that is full of colours and whimsy is actually a world that their parents have trapped them in. That they are being pressured to be happy all the time even though they don’t want to be, and that in front of everyone else they have to act like everything is fine even though it isn’t. Maybe they’re being coerced by their parents to never feel sadness, to leave all of those ridiculous things behind, to become perfect – almost like a Coraline situation. They’re pretending like everything is fine even though it isn’t. However, eventually, they get caught up in all of their lies and the fake reality they set up for themselves. They’d rather look at it rather than reality, but at the same time, they are being puppeteered by their surroundings in a harmful manner. 

Escapism. :) 

Second interpretation: they are working for some studio or something, which could be why there was a green screen at one point. They are promoting the idea of escapism to other people, but unwillingly. Miku falls into the ideals of their director and falls into the headspace entirely, agreeing with the ideals of others while they are forced to continue spreading this message in an almost dystopian manner. They are hypnotized by the person producing this message. 

Third: Maybe this is a story about them working in some sort of childhood theme park in order to escape their realities as well, and be children forever? This ties the two previous ideas together. They are overworking themselves to the point where reality and fiction are indistinguishable. Unable to deal with everything that she has to do, Miku dies, and Teto follows suit. 

Four: Literal hypnosis. Maybe some sort of horror story of becoming victims of some hypnosis monster? I like this one the most because it makes me think of a story where Mikuy and Teto were struggling, and perhaps made a deal with some eldritch being so that they can escape reality into their own fictional world. However, as more time goes on, the more the world that they’ve entered becomes twisted, and Miku falls to the being’s whims, turning into a mindless puppet in order to reject reality further. Teto, horrified at what has happened, tries to reach out to others, only to have nobody listen to her. She then gives up entirely and joins her friend. 

There’s a lot of ways to interpret this, but the general message is that people want to escape from their harsh realities. This is natural, especially if you’re a victim of manipulation or abuse, but this is also a reminder that you can’t go too far from it, and that there are still people waiting for you. 

TLDR: Escapism, slay! But don’t slay too hard, unless you want to end up like MESMERIZER Miku!! I love this song so much and I can and will elaborate on ideas. I’m really tired due to my exams so I am so sorry if something doesn’t sound coherent here, but thank you for reading!! <3 

[blitz0hno]

*tries to talk about Amane and the significance of her trauma* Aaaaaand English language is a fuck all of a sudden

[risingsunresistance]

[ahundredtimesover]

I Want You to Stay (09) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; use of the term slut in a derogatory way, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; eventual explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 18.4k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii thank you for being patient, and again for all your love and appreciation for this story. 🥰 Updates will continue to take longer as I return to uni. On another note, I hope you enjoy this!

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight  🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

Seeing you standing in his kitchen donned in that pastel-colored blouse makes Jungkook stop in his tracks; you’re exactly who he needs to wake him up. 

It’s been weeks of vacation, which also means weeks without his usual routine. It’s striking how being absorbed in his work has altered him in that sense - he looks for the stress, for the long hours, for the isolation that’s demanded of his job. Perhaps there was just really nothing to look forward to, and work was an excuse for all those things because there wasn’t much else going for him. Ironic, considering everything he can do with what he has, yet nothing seems to be what he’s looking for, even if deep down, he knows what it is.

This is something that Hoseok and A-yeong made him realize during the trip as he watched them gush about the pretty streets and marvel at the fjords and immerse themselves in the view of the northern lights. 

His cousin, the President of the company who makes decisive decisions and conducts press conferences and signs off on billion won projects, is the same man who squealed during a husky ride in Finland, laughed his butt off when he slipped on a glacier, and muttered words of love to his wife as they all watched the bright evening sky over the lake in Norway. There was so much passion in him, something A-yeong mirrored, whether it was about work or his relationships or just about everything in life. Hoseok looked forward to that trip, to that time with his wife, to that break, to seeing the scenery and feeling peace. 

While Jungkook found himself constantly thinking about the Arts Center and upcoming projects and new design ideas… and the one person who connected him to all those - you. It felt like he was rushing towards something because the achievement was the goal, and while he stopped by the mountains and marveled at the water as he sat on the cliffs, his mind was racing, chasing something that he couldn’t even grasp. 

That’s how the past six years have been. Perhaps more, he thinks. Maybe 20. He’s never allowed himself to just be. Quite frankly, he doesn’t know who he is outside of what he does; he doesn’t know much of how he is outside of being an executive and heir, and so during the moments when he isn’t functioning as such, he’s a bit lost, just existing in a place he’s visiting, not knowing how to interact, how to breathe; not knowing how to connect or to be free.

You’re the bright spot amidst it all. With you around, he still seems to be wandering while stuck in a certain spot, but he’s not alone because you’re there. With you around, there’s a sense of calmness somehow, with your smile and your presence warming the coldest parts of him that he’s left untouched and unfeeling for years.

So when he walks towards you, his eyes fully opening now to see you better, he hums in satisfaction. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” he says, prompting you to turn around. “It feels like it’s been so long.”

“Really, Mr. Jeon? I thought the three weeks felt fast,” you giggle. “But it’s nice to see you, too. Were you able to rest out there?”

“Somehow,” he replies, taking the glass of water you give him.

“Is that why you passed on your morning workout to sleep in?” You raise an eyebrow, thinking that he’d slept in when you walked into his penthouse earlier without the usual sounds from the gym that you’d gotten used to.

“I was pretty jet lagged,” he groans. “Couldn’t sleep so I did it last night to tire myself out and then I finally fell asleep three hours ago. It’s a miracle I woke up after the tenth snooze of my alarm.”

“Ooh, that is not good, considering all the documents on your desks and messages on your inbox,” you shake your head. “What if I move the team meeting to tomorrow so you don’t push yourself too hard today? You could’ve taken the day off.”

“And have a worse day tomorrow? No thanks,” he chuckles. “I’m fine, but I agree with moving the meeting.”

“Just take it slow,” you advise. “I brought some pastries because I know your fridge and pantry are empty. I’ll get them ready shortly.”

“I’ll wash up then.”

You follow not long after, preparing his outfits for the second half of the week, then setting out the breakfast for both of you. He returns to the kitchen wearing the brown suit you chose for today, looking just as handsome as you remember. You fix his tie like you always do and meet his eyes like it’s reflex, the warmth bubbling within you when he returns your soft smile. You take your seat a chair away, taking your iPad after to start going through updates when he stops you.

“Not yet, please. My mind’s still half asleep.”

“Okay, sir,” you respond. “We can talk about your trip instead. How was it?”

Jungkook finds himself more engaged in telling you about it, not like how he was when his best friends met him for dinner last night and he was too tired to narrate how it went. But you ask with such excitement that he ends up sharing more than what he planned.

He talks about the Vikings museum and historical tours, the bike rides and coastal walks, the calm but lively cities and the breathtaking waterfalls. He even mentions the things he’d only kept to himself - like that one evening when the sky looked like one of Lee Jaemin’s paintings that had him staying at the balcony with a glass of wine while basking in its beauty, and when they were in Hans Christian Andersen’s hometown and he wondered what kind of fairytale character he would be, and that he learned he really enjoys hot springs during the winter. They’re random thoughts that he just ended up saying, somehow feeling natural and comfortable in sharing them with you. 

You indulge him, asking more and sharing your thoughts, too. You even throw in the occasional teasing remark and playful laughter. You ask about the scenery, expressing your yearning for the outdoors that you said you never really appreciated before, as the open space always overwhelmed you.

He passes you his iPad where he’s opened the folder of the photos that he took with his camera, a gift from Taehyung who’d said that Jungkook needed to go out more and “feel the sun.” He rarely used it but a Northern Europe trip seemed like the perfect excuse. He’s used to assessing interiors and marveling at structures from afar, but this time he got to appreciate what lies beyond his walls, beyond the little world he’s been burrowing himself in.

“These are stunning, Jungkook,” you gush, dropping the formalities as he shares something that feels so personal. “I didn’t know you had the talent for photography, too.”

“I wouldn’t call it a talent,” he shakes his head. “I took it as an elective during university and it helps with design ideas. I should at least take nice photos if I need inspiration or a basis. I don’t really do it much, though.” 

“Did it make you feel good, at least?” You ask, wondering what else gives him satisfaction.

“Somehow. It makes me feel good when I’m looking at the pictures. I’m transported to that day and that place again, like a holder of memories and desire for the good things.”

You go through the photos - dozens of them. He didn’t take too many, just one or two shots of every scenery. Beyond the majestic landscape, there are the everyday scenes - people talking at a cafe, strangers enjoying the park. There’s a couple holding hands, laughing at each other; from the silhouettes, you can tell they’re Hoseok and A-yeong, a moment that Jungkook probably thought too precious to not capture. 

Something in you stirs, as the photos elicit a mix of awe and yearning. You look at Jungkook and you think it’s what he felt, too. 

There’s a saying you heard about watching what people photograph to learn what they fear losing. With Jungkook, it seems as if these - freedom, tranquility, connection, intimacy - are things he wants; somehow they seem to be what he fears having. 

“It’s nice to have a keeper of good memories, isn’t it? Of that reminder that beautiful things exist and that they’re tangible, you know?” You say, returning his gadget. 

“It is,” he responds after a beat of silence, seemingly processing your words. “We forget sometimes. Or maybe, we just don’t know what that’s like. In that case it’s like an illusion. But it’s still good to have that, I guess. It’s still something.”

You don’t know what more could be said. It feels too personal or even intimate of a conversation to have with your boss on a Wednesday morning as you eat breakfast in his apartment. So you let it go, smiling as you say you’re glad he got to have some rest. 

He says that so does he and then asks about how your holiday was as you both head to the car. You talk about it during the ride, how you spent a week in Wando with your mother’s partner’s family and then drove to Jeonju, how the entirety of your break had you stuffing your face with food and bonding with them, and how they drove you back to Seoul last weekend, thankful that for those two weeks, they had you around.

You don’t tell Jungkook that some days, you’d think of him, wondering how he’s doing. You don’t tell him that you’d seen A-yeong’s posts and that he looked at peace in them, that there was a softness in his eyes that you’ve rarely seen on him. You don’t tell him that despite the vacation that you said you were looking forward to, you were also looking forward to this - having him back, sharing stories, and living in the silence alongside him.

You wonder, as you glance at him looking out the window, if this is what you meant about savoring the moment, enjoying what’s in front of you, and feeling less alone. Because right now, those are exactly what you feel. 

Jungkook wanted to wait to get to the office before proceeding to work matters, something that surprises you because he always gets down to business immediately, not unless he’s recovering from a hangover. But he blew you off even in the car, wanting instead to listen to your stories and then doodle on his leather notebook again for the rest of the ride. You end up meeting with him for an hour before he settles in, then he goes to lunch with his father, meets with your team, and then decides to visit the Arts Center mid-afternoon. 

Work is back in full-swing just like that, and you pull the energy from within you to manage the crazy week. There are start-of-the-year events to attend and organize, a board report and meeting to prepare for, new projects to initiate, and a major one to monitor. 

You’re glad that despite all that, Jungkook allows you to have a four-day off on the succeeding week so you can celebrate your birthday with a road trip down coastal towns with Jimin and Soomin. It’s a silly thing to do in the middle of winter, but they insist that warmth is most satisfying when it’s cold outside, and you don’t disagree. You’ll definitely be sighing in relief when you hold the steaming hot hotteok in between your hands, and it’ll be the best one you’ll have. 

It’s Thursday and you’ll be back in a week. You’ve just finished briefing Do-hyun, who’ll be covering for you while you’re away, and you get off your chair to grab tea in the pantry. Jungkook’s voice stops as you, as he stands by his door and asks if you’re already leaving.

“In an hour, Mr. Jeon,” you reply. “Is there anything I can help you with until then?”

“No, nothing,” he says. “I’m actually about to leave for dinner with Taehyung and Seokjin.”

“Oh, alright, sir,” you hum. “Goodbye, then. And I’ll see you next week. Just know that you’re the only one who can disturb me.”

He laughs in response. “Come on, I won’t be badgering you, especially on your birthday. It’s your one week away from me. You have to savor it.”

“So should you,” you counter. “But okay. I will.”

“Good,” he nods. “I’ll just fix up and go ahead then.”

He returns to his room and you’re just the tiniest bit disappointed that he didn’t properly greet you but you suppose that’s good for you. So you go to the pantry and end up chit-chatting with the team, finding yourself smiling when you look up and see Jungkook by the door, who tells everyone not to stay too late before he heads out. 

You arrive back at your desk, your heart beating fast at the sight of a small brown bag on your table. 

For your trip. Something to help remind you that beautiful things exist and they’re tangible, the note reads. Happy birthday. 

Your mind goes to a conversation you had not long ago, about how photos can elicit certain emotions and be a keeper of memories, especially of good ones. You know this is from Jungkook, and you also have an idea of what this might be, which is why you open the package right away.

Still, it catches you by surprise, especially when you find two disposable film cameras inside. They’ll definitely be enough for your upcoming trip and you know the photos will come out amazingly. You’re ecstatic. 

Perhaps this is why he wanted to leave before you did - you’d thank him and he’d be terrible at accepting it again, then you’ll call him out for it. Maybe it was good he hadn’t stuck around to see you act this way. At least he didn’t see you with that silly smile on your face.

But Yoongi does as you head down the elevator, smirking at you when he sees the bag you’re holding and the familiar handwriting on the card.

“I’m guessing you’re not fighting it anymore, huh?” He says, teasing yet somehow still comforting. 

“I’m trying not to, even if I know I’m being stupid,” you admit. “I can at least have these fleeting moments of joy after I walk away from this.”

“Retain the good memories. That’s one way to let things go,” Yoongi advises, as he exits the carriage on the parking lot floor.

The doors close on your smiling face, and he chuckles to himself at the irony of things. That’s how he learned to let you go, after all.

You return to work the following week with a spring in your step, with Jungkook noticing as you heat up the fried rice that you told him you’d be preparing for breakfast. You hum as you go about in the kitchen, feeling energized after the last few days you’ve had. 

It was freezing, but you, Soomin, and Jimin went a little crazy and ran down the beach whenever you drove by one, something you all did as kids living in Busan. The drives from town to town were slow but they had you all singing to your favorite songs, munching on chestnuts and bungeoppang, and stopping over viewing sites for fresh air and photos. 

You used Jungkook’s gift a lot, taking pictures of things that elicited strong emotions and good memories - purple and orange skies, snow melting on the pavement, the crashing ocean waves turning white at the tip, an empty playground in the park, Soomin’s infectious laughter, Jimin’s angelic smile. 

The cold was an excuse to seek your best friends’ warmth and they took advantage of it. It reminded you of those few years growing up with them before you returned to Daegu for college, something you and Jimin reminisced about, and something that you thanked him for after what seemed like ages. You recalled how he approached you first as the new girl who entered school in the middle of the school year, how he followed you around because you were always alone and was scared of loud noises, and how he’s never left your side since then. 

Every night during that trip, he hugged you as you tried to fall asleep, knowing you needed it for the cold you felt inside and out. He was next to you when you talked about Jungkook gifting you the cameras and admitted that it made you feel good, that it made you happy.

“I’m glad he’s showing you kindness,” Jimin had said. “But… just be careful, okay? Your heart is capable of a lot of good things. Pain is the last thing it deserves.”

“I don’t really know what my heart is capable of,” you replied. “My brain does the hurting but my heart… I don’t know what it does. I don’t know how it works.” 

It left him speechless then and somehow, you were glad that he just held you tighter, only because it was the only way you wanted to be comforted at that moment. But you also knew that whatever your heart ended up doing or experiencing, Jimin and Soomin would be there to help you make sense of it, to pick up the pieces should they need to.

“It seems as though your birthday rejuvenated you, ___,” Jungkook disrupts your thoughts. “You look much lighter and relaxed.”

“Only because I haven’t checked my emails nor taken new instructions from you,” you laugh as you serve the fried rice in bowls then head towards him. You fix his suit again and speak casually like you’ve gotten used to. “Once I open that iPad and see what I have to deal with, relaxed would be the last thing I’ll be.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckles. “Let me savor this then.”

His words catch you off guard and they prompt you to meet his eyes - soft yet piercing, then he turns shy and turns away from you. Perhaps he’s surprised at what he’d said, too.

“Work is stressful and your calmness rubs off on me most times,” he says nonchalantly. “We’ve got a busy few days ahead and I want that calmness to linger.”

“It will,” you assure him. “And yes, I feel rejuvenated, and that’ll probably last me for days so that will linger, even if I’m stressed, so don't worry. You’re gonna do well. I don’t doubt it one bit.”

Jungkook’s meeting the Culture Minister next week to present the Arts Center’s plans and activities leading to its opening to the public, which is why you think he needs that calmness as well. The team has been helping him with the preparations and while you felt bad that you didn’t get to contribute as much, he assured you that all the notes you left him have been instrumental. 

But still, his words affect you. Is this calm and relaxed version of you all he wants to savor? Does it mean anything more? 

The thoughts wander away as you have breakfast with him, and he asks if you wish to talk about work later on but you insist that you’re mentally ready for it all. He’s the one who gives you updates this time, and just like that, you’re back to your usual routine.

You glance at his plate, all clean right after because even this dish, he savors. And you realize that doing things for him, no matter how simple, makes you happy, too, especially when his lips turn up in a small smile and he nods in satisfaction.

“Good, huh?” You wiggle your eyebrows. 

“It’s infinitely better than mine,” he hums.

“So, it’s really, really, really good then?”

“You don’t even know how mine tastes like.”

“True. But Taehyung said once that yours was really delicious and I’ll take his word for it. Seokjin agreed and I believe them.”

“Wow, really? That’s a rare moment where they praise me,” Jungkook laughs. 

“You should savor that, too.”

“I should. Heavens know the last time that happened. And when it’ll happen again.”

“That’s kind of hard though, isn’t it?” You say, being a bit reflective as you go back to your daily routine after a trip that you wholly enjoyed. “Savoring things… capturing them, appreciating them. Like, you have to be in the moment, you have to be present, and that’s not easy to do.”

“It isn’t,” he responds after a while. “You have to care enough for something to be worth savoring, I guess.”

“Exactly. But how do you do that when everything is temporary - things, feelings… people. Not all of them are meant to stay,” you reply, meeting his eyes as they seem to be in deep thought.

“Maybe they will… if you ask them to,” he softly says.

“That depends.”

“On what?” He asks.

“If they have a reason to,” you shrug. 

Your faraway eyes tell him that you’re in deep thought, perhaps processing the exchange that even Jungkook can’t fully wrap his head around. But you turn to him not long after, smiling as you take the plates to clean up, as if you’d just snapped out of a trance, of a moment of honesty. 

He watches you from his seat. There’s an aura about you that truly feels more relaxed, yet there seems to be an added layer of pensiveness, of deep thinking that could easily be mistaken for savoring the moment when you might be questioning it, perhaps wondering if it’s real… or worth caring about in the first place.

Even until now, he doesn’t know what it is about you that has him hanging on to every word you say, like it’s some secret message or code to learning who you are and what your fears and pains and hopes and dreams might be. 

In the past months, his moments with you have allowed him a peek inside - there’s this yearning for something that you’re not ready for; there’s this knowledge of the fleeting nature of the world that you want to capture as memories because that’s the only way you can make them stay; there’s this desire for companionship that terrifies you more than anything.  

But then again, as he sees that soft courage in your eyes, maybe he knows why - he has the same fears as you, and perhaps that’s terrifying, too, as he realizes that much of what he’s scared of is tangible. 

He fears the emptiness left in your absence and the silence surrounding him when you’re gone. His trip over the holidays made him think so; this past week when you were away solidified it. There’s a lot of you to miss. He’s unsure how to deal with these thoughts and feelings; he doesn’t know how to move forward and be professional when you affect him this way. All he can hope for is that you’ll always find a reason to stay close to him, that you’ll always find a reason to want him around, and that every moment you share is something worth it enough for you to savor but that you both never have to let go.

You think about the conversation with Jungkook later that night on your way home. There’s something about the impermanence of the world that’s always scared you; things break and wither away all the time and you fear the loss in their absence. Perhaps it’s because you’ve experienced various types of losses throughout your years of living. 

You lost that childhood innocence the first time you saw your mother cry, then when her smile that finally returned was wiped off, and then when her hopeful eyes became filled with tears out of fear. You lost that comfort of a routine when you left Seoul at 10 years old, and then that stability when you said goodbye to your life in Busan. You lost that security when you decided to come back here with a dream tucked away, burdened with a debt and a past that you couldn’t escape. You lost that feeling of freedom when your favorite library closed, and then of safety during that night at the restaurant when you were hurt and exposed. 

It’s hard to savor things when you know you’ll lose them one day. But that’s also precisely why you should, as what these past months have been showing you, you think now. The absence reminds you that something good was in its place, and that at one point in time, it made you hope that you deserved it, that you were worthy of having it. 

But as you lay in bed that night and think of how much of Jungkook you thought about while you were away, you start to think that maybe things aren’t as temporary as you once believed. He was in the icy streets that you walked on and the warmth of the hot chocolate drink you had. He was in the drizzle on the playground that you wiped off and the touch of the leather notebook you saw at one of the shops. 

And perhaps that was the difference - you didn’t just stand by; somehow it felt like you connected with them - they were tangible, within your grasp, and that made them linger, that made them feel real. In your mind, that’s where they stayed.

The tail-end of winter marks the time when you’ve settled in the new year. All your backlog from the holidays and your short birthday break have been worked on. Operational plans and goals for the year have been finalized. The Board report and meeting are over and major events have been scheduled. Things are picking up now as the Arts Center is near its completion, with the consequent promotions and marketing on full speed. That last bit has been contracted to a subsidiary company but Jungkook is still on top of most things, which means that so are you. 

You accompany him to meetings with different departments regularly, and that’s on top of monitoring the other small projects that the VP office is working on, which is also on top of supporting Jungkook’s executive functions. In a blink of an eye, you’re back to the hustle and bustle nature of your job, and you’re reminded of why it’s been so hard to get out of it, and also why you can’t wait to do so. 

There’s just so much going on all at once, and given how you are, you give all of yourself to it because it’s the only way to get things done; it’s the only way to get through it without feeling like you’re taking for granted all that you’ve been given and achieved. But it also means you’ve lost the sense of meaning of most other things, and you wanna be able to do something that means something to you, something of good memories, of beautiful things that are tangible that you can touch and feel. 

You let go of the thoughts when Do-hyun and Yohan pop in your area to say goodbye. It’s another long night for everyone and you’re glad that they finally listened to you and decided to go home. You say that you still have a couple of things to work on when they insist that they walk you to the bus stop, telling them once more that you’ll be fine. 

“It’s forecasted to rain soon,” Do-hyun informs you. 

“I’ll get a cab, don’t worry,” you assure them. “Finance needs these files first thing tomorrow morning and we’ve got that ocular at 8. Thank you though.” 

“Fine, but let us know when you’re home, okay?” She says.

“I will. Get home safely, you two.”

You get back to work, and with the peace and quiet in the office with you being the last one here, you manage to finish what you need to in an hour and then finally call it a night. You head out and sigh to yourself once you see the lightning strike, knowing that it wouldn’t be long before the rain will begin to pour. You manage to bring out your umbrella by the time it does, then turn at the corner to look for a cab so you can avoid those who’ll be hailing from the main road. 

There are a few people who have the same idea as you, and it’s after some time before you spot one, with the driver slowing down once he sees you. But right as you start speed walking towards it, some man decides to get ahead, running past you and bumping you in the process, causing you to lose your balance. The wet pavement doesn’t help, as you slip on your foot and fall to the ground. You try to get up but jerk in pain when you do, realizing that you’d hurt your ankle, a foreign feeling that has you immediately worrying. 

After all the times you’d found yourself under the rain, this is the worst moment of all - you’re hurting, all alone, and completely worn out. You’ve had a really long day and you don’t have the energy for this; all you want is to go home and have some rest. But you know there’s no other way, so you shift on your bum, manage to get up and strain your arms in the process, then you limp to the nearest post you can find using your umbrella as a walking stick then stand on one foot.

The rain has weakened a little, so you’re at least not getting even more wet, but it’s still winter and you’ve started to freeze. There are no other cabs in sight and all ride-hailing apps have been such a pain to book. Knowing that it’ll be tough to get home in any way at this stage and that you won’t be able to manage on your own, you decide to call Mr. Ri. He’s always told you that if you need help for anything, he’s another person that you could call.

It’s half past 8 in the evening. You’re banking on him being on the way home after having dropped Jungkook off at his building after a dinner meeting at 5:30.

“Hey, ___. Is everything alright?” Mr. Ri asks, knowing you rarely call at this hour. 

“Not really,” you sigh, the shiver in your voice evident. “Have you dropped Jungkook off?”

“Not yet. But what do you mean, not really? What happened?”

“Are you driving?”

“No. I’m still waiting for him to finish. Tell me, are you in danger?” He presses, and you hear the worry in his voice. 

You told him about Chi-won some weeks after it happened, and Mr. Ri, having known you for many years, knows you’re not one to usually reach out. He’s made it a point to check on you regularly, and calls like this would definitely ring some alarm bells. 

“I’m not in danger but I hurt myself,” you say, quickly appeasing him that it’s probably just a sprained ankle and not that serious. “I just can’t get any ride and I can barely walk. I was hoping you were on the way home.”

“I’m not but I’ll go get you, okay? I’ll tell Jungkook and we’ll drive to you right away.”

“Mr. Ri, he’s in a meeting!” 

“That’s most likely over and now they’re just chatting over drinks,” he reasons. “I’ll get him. You know he’ll want me to.”

“You don’t know that,” you stammer.

“You weren’t there with him the days after what happened that night at the restaurant, ___,” he huffs. “I just knew it was really bad because of how worried he was, and he’s never been that way. So yes, I know he’ll want me to get his ass out of there and be on the way to you. Plus, I’m sure he’ll fire me if I don’t.”

“Fine,” you concede. “Just don’t make it sound so bad because it really isn’t.”

“You know I can’t control how that kid reacts,” he hums. “Just send me your location.”

Mr. Ri heads out of the driver’s lounge and rushes to the restaurant where he manages to send a message to Jungkook that you’re stranded somewhere with possibly a sprained ankle. He says it as it is, knowing that Jungkook won’t need much to decide on ending the meeting and go to you, which he does right away.

“What happened?” He asks the older man as they both walk towards the basement parking.

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask any more questions,” Mr. Ri responds. “She’s somewhere near the office. We’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

“Try for 15,” Jungkook instructs.

He calls you right after and he immediately picks up on your chattering teeth.

“Hey, ___. How are you feeling?”

You’re a little surprised when Jungkook calls this soon, and with how you’re trying to move past whatever attraction you have towards the man, this really isn’t helping.

“Just… cold. My umbrella flew away,” you laugh. “The wind’s picked up and I think it’s gonna rain again.”

Just as you say so, it starts, and you pick up on the change in Jungkook’s voice. You’ve since learned that he’s not fond of it, always closing his eyes and trying to tune everything out with even just a drizzle. But he continues talking and asks what happened, trying to keep you company. You narrate the incident and attempt to play it off as something minor, although the longer you stay leaning against the post, the more pain you’re starting to feel. 

“We’re five minutes away. We’ll be there soon,” he assures you then drops the call.

Jungkook clenches his fist and closes his eyes as the rain continues to pour. With the sound of the thunder, he jerks in his seat like he always does, but he pushes forward, knowing you need his help. He takes deep breaths just as he’s learned to do, and not long after, Mr. Ri informs him that he sees you just meters away.

The car slows down and Jungkook looks outside the window. He can see you leaning against a pole on one foot, drenched and shivering, your eyes closed as you wait for them to arrive. He meets Mr. Ri’s eyes in the rear view mirror as they halt, and with the rain just barely stopping, the older man nods and exits the car.

Jungkook watches from inside as Mr. Ri runs to you. He sees the smile on your face despite the droplets on the window. The older man takes your bag then helps you walk, leading you to the car where Jungkook manages to push the door open. 

You slowly enter with as much energy you can muster, wincing in pain when you have to adjust your foot inside. You sigh in relief as you feel the warmth and dryness of the car, prompting you to apologize for getting it all wet.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shakes his head. “We’ll take you to the hospital, okay? And I won’t accept no for an answer.”

You nod in agreement, knowing that much as you’re causing him inconvenience right now, you’re too tired to argue. You lean your head by the window and try to catch your breath. 

“Have you had dinner? He asks.

“Not yet. I was supposed to grab it on the way home.”

“We’ll pass by somewhere after the hospital.”

“Okay,” you look at him and smile. 

Jungkook isn’t surprised when you don’t counter him. Perhaps it’s the exhaustion, as he sees it in how your smile isn’t as bright as what he’s used to, with it fading as you turn away. You’re still shivering though, despite the car heater being turned up. He doesn’t have a towel to dry you up, though, so he instead removes his coat and instructs you to lean forward so he can place it over your shoulders to warm your back. He takes his puffer jacket from the front seat and puts it over your lap right after, giving you warmth there, too. 

“Is that better?” He asks.

“Yeah,” you mouth. “Thank you.”

His scent wafts through your senses, allowing you to breathe and feel all of him at once. It’s the closest thing to tangible comfort you’ve gotten from him, and you hate how good it feels.

You’re just about to fall asleep when the car comes to a stop. The rain has subsided and perhaps that’s why soon after, you hear Jungkook open his door and then your door, too. He removes his coat over your back, placing it back inside, then he holds onto your forearms to help you climb out. He takes his jacket and instructs you to wear it, giggling at how you’re being swallowed in it.

“I look ridiculous,” you pout as you sit on the wheelchair that he’s asked the nurse to get.

“Just a little,” he teases.

He walks next to you as you’re wheeled inside the hospital, staying close by when you explain to the ER doctor what happened. She assesses your foot and lower leg, diagnosing you with a sprained ankle like you expected, and proceeds to wrap it in elastic bandage. 

She treats the minor scratches on your palms you got from the fall then writes you a prescription for painkillers. Jungkook takes it so he can buy them for you after, then he helps you settle the bill with your insurance. 

You’re quite uncomfortable - you’re still a little wet and the bandage feels foreign around your foot. But you’re also feeling a bit shy, now that Jungkook is the one pushing the wheelchair towards the pharmacy nearby. He parks you at the side while he buys the medicine, and as you look on, you can’t help the relief mixed with giddiness that you feel despite the pain that’s close to overtaking you.

He stands by the counter with his white dress shirt slightly untucked and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hands are in his pockets while he waits for the pharmacist to return, and amidst everything that’s going on, you’re still able to admire how overwhelmingly handsome he looks, especially given what he’s doing right now for you. His side view is quite blinding, so you’re slightly embarrassed when he turns around and calls your name again after you missed it the first few times.

“Dazed and tired?” He asks as he walks back to you with a pack of medicines.

“Definitely,” you say, which isn’t a lie; it’s just not the whole truth. “I just want to eat and have a nice bath and then sleep.”

“And you’ll do all that soon,” he assures you. “We’ll pass by whatever’s open on the way to your place. Just make sure you don’t have the hot water on, okay? And then elevate your foot when you sleep.”

“Yes, I heard everything she said,” you playfully roll your eyes. 

“Including the full-on rest that’s required of you for the next few days?” He raises an eyebrow. “Because that’s what you’re gonna have. You’re on leave until you’re able to walk properly again, Ms. Cho.”

“So now you’re being formal,” you tease, flashing him a playful smile. “But yes, Mr. Jeon. The instructions are understood.”

“Good,” he laughs softly. “Glad you’re not being stubborn about it.”

“Oh, not with this one, not when I’m this tired and in this much pain.”

His look turns sullen at the admission of what you’re feeling and you wish he didn’t feel this bad. But you can’t deny the way it’s giving you butterflies, prompting you to scold yourself internally because learning how caring he is isn’t exactly what you need to get over a crush. This is definitely the worst part about being injured, you decide. 

You make it out of the hospital and he helps you again as you enter the car, sliding in next to you as he ensures that you’re warm. 

You pass by a noodle house on the way, and he buys you some more food for the next day despite your insistence that he didn’t have to. But you’re too tired to argue some more, and you doze off a little during the drive to your apartment, with your half-awake self mumbling your apology about taking up his time.

Jungkook playfully shakes his head. Knowing you’re probably shallow sleep-talking, he disregards your words. He just gets glimpses of you, comforted to know that you’re at least getting the most rest you can have, given your current state. The painkillers will kick in soon and that’ll help you sleep better, but right now, he wishes he could do more for you. 

In the deepest crevices of his heart, he wants to hold your still shivering hands and maybe hug your trembling body. He wants to stay with you until you’re warm and comfortable in your bed, perhaps assure you in whatever way that you’re not alone, that there’s help whenever you need it. He can’t imagine how it would’ve been like for you being under the rain, cold and hurt with no one around. 

On second thought, he can, and that’s the thing about it. Even if you get out of it with just a sprained ankle - considering how much worse it could’ve been - it’s still terrifying being alone and powerless, paralyzed on the spot and not knowing if anyone will show up. He wants nothing more than for you to get over that and be able to move past it because he knows how haunting it could be; he knows how restraining such memories are.

But he also knows that there’s not much he could do - not with the unnamed feelings he can’t express, and not with the line he still believes he shouldn’t cross.

So he settles for glances and soft smiles at your fluttering eyes and slightly parted mouth. You look tired but peaceful; he thinks it’s quite endearing. It also feels intrusive so he looks away, out into the streets that he’s able to somehow see now. He thinks about the timing of it all - your late night and his dinner out, your injury and the bad weather. He’s thankful that the rain subsided and that allowed him to help you as much as he was able to, and that he got to you in the first place.

You arrive at your apartment with you now fully awake, and Jungkook heads to your side right away. Pulling you out of the car requires more strength from him, and despite your terrible condition, the butterflies appear once more when he instructs you to hold onto him for support. You have to act unaffected when you feel his broad shoulders and taut arms, with your hands gingerly laying on them; you wonder if he feels anything, too, under the thin material of his dress shirt. 

His left hand only grazes your waist but his hold tightens after you grant him permission, perhaps knowing that it would be harder for you if he holds you that loose, he asked you to put your weight on him after all. Despite your agreement, you still hold in your breath, a silly attempt at slowing down your quickening heartbeat. He’s never been this close, and you’re unsure if you want him to be anywhere else.

You suspend your thoughts for the shortest of seconds until you both manage to get up the few steps to your door. Mr. Ri helps in unlocking it, and you settle on the dining chair that Jungkook pulls out for you after you both enter.

As you release a breath and watch him look around, it’s then you realize that your boss - the Jeon Corporation Vice President who lives in a penthouse in an exclusive district in Seoul - is in your tiny studio apartment that’s literally just the size of his bedroom. You’re not ashamed one bit but you are a little shy, so you jokingly welcome him to your “little mansion.”

“It’s nice,” he hums, looking around some more, which he doesn’t need to move to do. 

The small round dining table, the off-the-wall kitchen, and the three-seater couch are all in the open living space. There’s a half-wall that separates your sleeping area, with your double bed against it and the tiniest of balconies just off of it. 

You’re quite proud of what you’ve made of the place, with the plants in the corners, some chic art pieces on the walls, and photos with your friends and family on stick-on frames resting on the shelves. It’s cozy and comfortable for you, and you feel quite proud when Jungkook’s lips turn up when you respond that you’re happy here when he asks.

“It’s everything I need,” you hum. “And it’s in a safe part of town. My neighbors are older couples who are all kind.”

“That’s good,” he says, turning to you. “Will they be much help to you while you recover?”

“I’ll be okay,” you insist. “I have a crutch. I’ve got food to heat up, and my place is so small that I don’t have to move around to get things done. I don’t really need help, you know?”

He scrunches his eyebrows, seemingly unconvinced. 

“Watch,” you say, your shallow confidence pushing you to grab the crutch next to you then using it to walk towards him so you could prove that you’re capable enough to look after yourself. 

But your unfamiliarity with it leads you to mistime your step. Before you know it, you’re tripping on your foot and losing your balance, and as your life is about to flash before your eyes thinking that you’re gonna fall once again and make your injury worse, Jungkook’s reflex kicks in and he steps forward to catch you. You feel his grip on your waist gradually tighten as if to keep you steady, as if to make sure you’re alright. He’s so close, you can feel his breath as he pants, the worried look on his face something you’re familiar with by now. But he stays there, inches away, and so do you. 

He’s bending, so he stays leveled with you. You can see his long eyelashes resting on his honeyed skin and the endearing curve of his nose. He looks so soft like this, comfortable even, with his big round eyes looking like the most innocent ones you’ve ever seen.

The voice in your head suddenly becomes loud enough and you break his gaze, realizing then that you’re also clutching onto his shoulder for support. You give him a look of apology but he just laughs, something you’re thankful for because the last thing you want is for the tension to thicken.

“You’re stubborn, aren’t you? You think it’s that easy?” He shakes his head, his tone sounding like he’s both teasing and reprimanding you.

“It seemed like it,” you shrug, allowing him to help you back on the seat, disregarding the slightest bit of giddiness you feel as he has one hand on your free arm while the other ghosts over your waist in case you fall again.

“It’s not. And I know this because I’ve used this before,” he says. “So since you’ll be by yourself, we have to make sure you can at least use the crutch without falling, okay?”

“Fine,” you concede, listening to his instructions carefully then trying to do it on your own. 

It takes some getting used to, but after a few tries, you manage to at least walk without tripping. You plan on just staying in bed or on the couch tomorrow anyway so you’re not that worried. Even if Jungkook still seems to be.

“I’m okay,” you insist. “I’m gonna survive. But you should head home. It’s getting late and you have that ocular in the morning. I’ll just have to email Chin-sun about accompanying you and—”

“None of that,” he interjects. “I’ll be the one to tell her and I don’t want you worrying about work tomorrow, okay? You’re gonna take your medicine and just rest.”

“You’re demanding, aren’t you?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Only when I’m dealing with someone as stubborn as you,” he counters. 

You just laugh at him answering back, enjoying your banter more than you should, then he says that he’ll go ahead, for as long as you’re sure you can manage. It takes another five minutes until he makes it out the door. But before he disappears, you call his name, your heart skipping a beat when he turns around, as if he’s just hanging onto your every word.

“Thank you,” you say. “I know it was a long day and it was raining but… you still came for me.”

“Just recover quickly, okay? I’ll check on you in the morning.”

You nod and he leaves. And just like that, you’re once again on your own - damp, injured, and extremely tired. Jungkook’s presence remains in your apartment though, and there he is again, making you smile and making you feel things you shouldn’t.

You don’t mind being alone. In fact, you enjoy it. But during the times when you don’t want to be, he just happens to be there. And being the stubborn woman that you are, deep down, you like it that he is, that in your own little world with the walls up so high, he’s become a frequent visitor. You’re just not sure if you want him to stay just yet. 

You wake up the next morning feeling faint and sore, and it’s probably the painkillers having lost their effect. And there’s a reason why, seeing that it’s close to midday when you finally get out of bed. You manage to stand and walk to the kitchen with no issues, and you take your medication and heat up the food that Jungkook bought for you last night. It’s when you’re seated that he calls, bringing that smile to your otherwise uneventful day.

“Hello?”

“Hey, ___. How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Just fine. I took my medicines for the day and I’m about to eat lunch,” you reply. “And you? How was the ocular?”

“It was good. It has a lot of potential so I’ll run down the details with the teams and propose it. But speaking of sites, remember what I said about Hoseok and I thinking of a Scandinavian-inspired mid-rise in the mountains?”

“Yeah, the one you came up with during your trip. Are you gonna push through with it soon?”

“Perhaps. I’ve gotten emails of proposed sites for some other projects but I’ve seen a few that could work with this idea,” he shares. “There’s one in Gangwon that’s near the town center so it would be practical for many. There’s even— ah, why am I saying this to you now? You’re off the clock.”

“It’s okay,” you assure him. Jungkook doesn’t always show this much excitement with the projects he has to manage so when he does, you encourage him. It’s also an excuse to hear more of his voice. “My mind’s not prepared for being home today anyway so I’m a little disoriented. But that’s good. I can look into the sites and we can do an ocular whenever you prefer.”

“Alright, that’s something to schedule for next month. But uh, you sure you’re fine? Does your ankle still hurt? Did you get proper sleep?”

“Well, I slept like a baby,” you giggle. “And I at least remained in one position. It still hurts a bit but it should be okay in the next few days. I’m just gonna have to replace the bandage tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Just make sure to ice it and keep it elevated.”

“Yes, boss,” you tease, earning you a groan. “But uh, thank you for checking up on me. I know you’ve got a busy day ahead.”

He’s silent, and you suppose it’s him again not knowing how to respond to gratitude, so you follow it up by saying that you’ll eat your meal now and reminding him of his meeting at 2PM.

“You better not be checking your emails and my calendar right now,” he warns.

“I’m not. I just memorize your schedule,” you defend.

“Okay then, I’ll go ahead.”

Jungkook drops the call and sinking in his seat, he sighs in relief. He managed to get through that conversation without sounding extremely worried, which is what he’s been since last night. His busy day today actually includes constantly worrying about how you’re doing, but he supposes it’s too much to let you know. Sure it’s just a sprained ankle, but knowing how you tend to move about, anything can happen. You were all alone for some time last night, too, just waiting for a way to get home. And that’s another thing he worries about - that fear latching onto you, that helplessness weighing you down.

He asks Mr. Ri if he’s heard from you, thinking that you’d probably be more honest with him, but the older man says you told him the same thing.

“Don’t you believe her?” Mr. Ri wonders.

“I do, but she’s quite stubborn though,” Jungkook laments. 

“Well, I’ve known her for a while and she tends to just deal with things on her own,” Mr. Ri says.

“But she shouldn’t. She’s injured.”

“I think it’s natural for people who’ve been alone for many years to be that way,” the older man shrugs. “I mean, you’re the same.”

Jungkook doesn’t disagree. And if you’re truly anything like him, then you’d just push through the pain and force it to stop hurting so you can go back to your normal busy life because doing so keeps you from thinking of how lonely it feels when you’re sick or hurt and there’s no one around. It’s how he’s always been, too, he admits to himself.

The thought disturbs him, which is why he messages you three more times during the day and then again the next morning, asking if he could drop by. He’s expecting you to insist that you’re fine and he doesn’t need to, so it surprises him when you say that he could. 

You’re pacing back and forth in your mind since you’re unable to physically do so, but the thought of Jungkook visiting you this Saturday morning is a lot for you to handle, even if you did say it was alright for him to come. The truth is, you wanted him to, only because selfishly, seeing someone be that worried about you gives you some form of comfort.

You called your family yesterday and told them about the injury, which they obviously panicked about. Your mom asked if you needed her to come to you but like always, you said she didn’t need to. You told Yoongi about it, too, and he was worried as well, in the classic way that he often is; he had food delivered to you for dinner last night so you didn’t have to think about it. You only told your best friends about it this morning and they were furious you waited so long to let them know; they were packing their stuff right as you were speaking to them two hours ago. 

You know you have people to depend on and would be at your doorstep anytime you ask. These are the same people who’ve done that for years and you fully accept their care and attention; it’s become a part of you and your healing process. But when someone like Jungkook who, for whatever reason he has, shows you the same, it feels different; he goes out of his way to show it to you, and he’s not even someone who normally does it. It’s a new kind of comfort, one that you find yourself seeking. So when he called earlier and asked if he could drop by, there was an internal sigh of relief. 

Over half an hour later, your doorbell rings, and you limp your way towards the door to open it. 

Other than being in suits, you’ve only ever seen Jungkook in his gym clothes - half naked as well - and in night out wear. You realize that this is the first time you’re seeing him in a casual outfit, and with a jacket over a sweatshirt and a brown beanie, he looks different - there’s that boyish charm that you’ve never seen; he looks softer, kinder, still reserved but a lot more comfortable.

You let him in after your greetings, then you turn to him and smile. 

“It’s really the suit, I know it now,” you tease. “It’s what makes you look intimidating.”

He looks at his attire then frowns at you. “So how do I look now?”

“Not intimidating.”

“Wow, what a surprise,” he playfully rolls his eyes. “Whereas you…” He eyes you in gray leggings and a blush jumper, looking soft and comfortable and even more like the bright spot he’s realized you are, but he’d never tell you that. “You look injured.”

“Gee, what a surprise. I feel injured, too,” you laugh. “But uhm, it’s nice of you to visit my humble mansion once again.”

“I just wanted to make sure you’re doing better,” he hums. “And bring some more food so you don’t have to worry about it.”

You eye the beef brisket with rice and say that you know what you’ll be having for lunch. He responds that he might just go back to the restaurant and meet his best friends there, too. You return to your seat on the couch, realizing there’s not much room for him to sit on, but he gets to you first, standing in front of you and eyeing the elastic bandage on the table.

“Aren’t you due for a redress?” He asks.

“Yes but uh, I can’t actually reach my foot,” you say with an embarrassed smile. “I’m not really flexible so I’ll just wait until Soomin and Jimin arrive.”

“I can do it,” he offers, thinking that the bandage isn’t serving its purpose if it remains loose. “I mean, I’ve dressed myself on my own before so I’m familiar with it.”

It’s probably the painkillers but something possesses you and you agree, your mind too out of it to take the words back. A part of you wishes you had, especially when your heart does a thing when he kneels on the floor and slowly takes your injured foot. You wiggle your toes in reflex, as if they’re shy, too, and Jungkook laughs at your silly antics, especially when you admit that you’re a little ticklish. 

But he softly looks at you right after and asks if he’s hurting you, and you shake your head, unable to say anything else and process that you really allowed this man - your boss and in-denial crush - to do this. 

You sit there, charmed by the way he looks determined to get this done. He removes the old bandage and wipes your ankle before wrapping it with a new one. His hands are large and quite rough but he’s very gentle, making sure to not lift your foot too high and that the bandage isn’t wrapped too tightly. Once he’s finished, he lays it on the table and looks up at you to ask if it feels okay.

“Yes,” you shyly smile. “Thank you. That was, uh, that was really nice of you.”

He nods and stands up to throw the trash in the bin, wanting to quickly hide his smile at how wholesome you looked in thanking him. 

He proceeds to look around, taking more of your home in. There’s something very calming about it, and it’s more than just the plants that you have and the right amount of sunlight coming from the balcony door and kitchen window. There’s also something familiar, as he looks through your shelf of photos, seeing your mom and her partner for the first time. She looks a lot like you. She has a nice smile like yours, and she sees that same joy on her face as he’d seen on you, as she hugs you tightly in one of the pictures. 

The familiarity is similar to when he first had a whiff of your scent - old rose like the one his mother used to wear, one he remembers as a child when he still clung to her. There are those memories that stick with him. Others he doesn’t have anymore but that’s good, he supposes. Seeing your shelf, he sees all the good and tangible things you hold dear. 

“The photo on the far right, the one with Soomin and Jimin. We took that during my birthday trip using your gift,” you tell him. “It came out really nicely.”

“It did. Did you finish the film? What else did you take photos of?”

“We used it all up,” you smile. “And just a lot of the scenery and the three of us. We all divided them so we could have copies and just remember how fun that week was.”

“Good, that’s what I hoped.”

Jungkook stands there, his jacket now off so his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and his hands are in his pockets as he looks through your shelf. You wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s seeing, if any of this makes him curious. It’s as if he’s taking in all the small parts of who you are that he can see displayed before him. He turns to you and your eyes meet again, and for a moment, it feels like you’re really seeing him and he’s really seeing you, like there’s something only both of you share and understand and want and can give.

But the doorbell ringing disrupts it, with you wondering who it could be since your best friends won’t arrive until an hour from now. Jungkook walks to the door and opens it, surprised to see Yoongi who’s just as surprised to see his friend in your apartment.

“Hey, you’re back. And… here,” you smile, attempting to stand up but Yoongi tells you to stay put. 

“I flew home last night and thought I’d visit and get you some food, but it seems like I’m second in line,” he says, his smug face causing you to glare at him. 

“I just wanted to make sure she was okay,” Jungkook defends. “I won’t stay long.”

“Of course you do. And I won’t stay long either. I don’t wanna disturb anything.” 

He smirks at his friend, prompting Jungkook to glare at him as well. 

“Yah, chill, you two. I’m really just passing by,” Yoongi reiterates, making his way now to sit on the arm of your sofa. “Just wanted to check on ___ and make sure she’s well-fed.”

“I’m injured, not starving, okay?” You groan. “But thanks. What have you got there?”

“Noodles, custard buns, and some tarts. Wasn’t sure what you’re into when you’re incapacitated,” Yoongi shrugs. 

“I’m very much mobile,” you correct him. “Just… slow and limping.”

Jungkook pulls your dining chair and sits in front of you, and the three of you talk as if this isn’t weird at all. You’re all colleagues - you and Jungkook consider Yoongi as your friend, but you don’t know if you should consider your boss as such, and you don’t know if he considers you the same. You’ve definitely experienced a lot of things that could qualify what you have as friendship, but even then, there’s something more about it, something a little more intimate, different, terrifying.

You brave through this dynamic and learn that Yoongi likes to tell Jungkook off a lot. It’s the kind of bluntness you expect from Yoongi’s no-nonsense attitude but it’s refreshing to see him be more straightforward towards someone like Jungkook who you’re used to seeing as commanding and serious. Jungkook takes the hits, seemingly unbothered as they bicker, and it’s another side of him you enjoy seeing - the smiles and laughter are natural, and there’s this comfort about him that you suddenly want more of.

The time passes quickly, with the doorbell ringing again signaling that your friends have arrived. Yoongi gets up first to open the door, greeting them who do the same. You manage to stand up with Jungkook telling you to be careful, and when it dawns on them who else is in your apartment, Jimin’s face turns sour and Soomin’s goes from confused to amused. 

Jungkook looks taken aback by the cold welcome, but he manages to introduce himself to them.

“Oh, we know,” Jimin says dryly. “You’re the one who gives her so much work that she had to do overtime again and that’s why she got hurt.”

You feel the tension come like a strong wave and you try to lower the level a little bit. 

“He also brought me to the hospital and got me some food,” you tell Jimin, whose bitterness isn’t unfounded. He did listen to you complain about this very man all those months ago. “He’s just checking up on me, making sure I’m alright, the way you guys are.”

“As we should,” Jimin huffs. “At least we don’t cause you any injury or pain.”

“You don’t. But you do make things better so could you do that, please?” You say, opening your arms for a hug, something to appease him before it gets even more tense. 

Jimin has the sweetest smile but wouldn’t be afraid to burn anyone down with his looks if they deserve it. Jungkook did at one point, but you obviously feel very differently about that now. But still, you glance at the man, hoping this encounter isn’t putting him off too much, and with the slight tinge of guilt in his eyes, you suppose it hasn’t.

Jungkook turns away, partly because a reminder of how he’d treated you before makes him regret even more how you both started, and partly because seeing you affectionate with any man - even if it’s your best friend - makes him a tiny bit jealous, only because it’s something he can’t be with you. Seeing you that way with Hajoon months ago was different; Jungkook had been more shocked than anything. But this time, given that his attraction towards you seems to grow every second, and that he’s been wanting nothing more than to comfort you, there’s more of that feeling of loss, of hope that it could be him one day, even if that’s something that’ll probably never happen.

“I know you dislike him but tone it down for now, okay?” You whisper to Jimin. “My place is too small to contain all this tension.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Seeing him just reminds me of what you had to go through because of him,” he says before pulling away. “But he did help. And well, Soo and I are still upset that you didn’t tell us sooner. You know we would’ve driven here on Thursday night.”

“I know, and that’s exactly why. You both had something big going on and I could wait,” you reply, a reason you give them everytime. 

Wanting a short breather from all this, you excuse yourself and ask Soomin to help you with something in the bathroom, and she heads there right away.

“Can you make sure that those two don’t murder each other?” You whisper to Yoongi as you gesture towards Jimin and Jungkook.

“It would be entertaining if they did, but yes, I’ll try,” he chuckles.

You walk to where Soomin is and after closing the door, she looks at you with the same amusement that she’s had since she arrived.

“What in the romance drama is this!” She exclaims, lowering her voice when you scold at her to keep it down. “All your three men coming to your home to make sure you’re okay? Talk about making an impression.”

“They aren’t my men, okay!” You scowl at her. “They all just happened to have the same thought. And no, Jimin doesn’t count.”

“Whatever,” Soomin laughs. “It’s just… I know you’re hurt and that you’ll be okay but it’s just amusing to see them show up for you like this. Especially the big boss. He’s way hotter up close, I can tell you that.”

“Please don’t remind me,” you frown. “I wish there was a potion I could take to make him look unattractive to me so that I’d stop being so giddy at everything he does. And fuck, Soo, I haven’t been like this in ages. Or ever.”

“Well, you haven’t been this accepting of someone’s attention, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, and I’m being silly. I might just be putting myself up for disappointment here,” you groan. “I mean, I don’t even know what I’m feeling, but I know what I’m not supposed to feel. And he’s not making it any easier.”

“Your situation isn’t easy in the first place, hun. And there are many reasons why,” she sighs, wishing there was a way to uncomplicate this very complicated relationship you have with Jungkook. “But whatever it is you think you shouldn’t feel, think about what he may be feeling, too. He wouldn’t be making all this effort since Thursday night for this to just be nothing.”

“I wish none of that means anything. That’s probably gonna be easier, right? That he doesn’t feel anything remotely close to what I do? That’s probably better than dealing with all the complications.”

“Maybe, but we don’t really know,” Soomin says, pulling you in for a hug. “But also think about how new and different this feels. It might be worth it in the long run.”

You fall into her embrace, knowing that during the toughest times of your life, this was your saving grace. It’s no different when you’re confused and in need of guidance, and though you’ve always made decisions for yourself with knowledge of the consequences, Soomin was there to back you up during the times when you were going in somewhat blindly. She wants you to be happy, and you won’t really know if continuing to feel what you do about Jungkook will make you so. If all else fails, well, you could always go back home, or maybe return to Busan and start a life there. Jungkook will just be a memory; you hope to the heavens it’ll be a good one.

You shake away the thoughts and finally go back out and are relieved to find some peace. Jimin’s washing your dishes while talking to Yoongi who wipes them dry. Jungkook sits on your sofa, looking around quietly, but he stands when he sees you approach him. 

“I’ll go ahead,” he says, gesturing towards the door. “I… I think you’ve got everything you need.”

“Let me walk you there,” you smile. 

He’s outside the door when you thank him again then apologize if Jimin made him uncomfortable.

“It’s okay. I’d be protective of my best friend, too, if I learned how their boss treated them,” he responds.

“I, uh… those were hard times and I may have complained quite a bit about you,” you pout. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sure I deserved it,” he chuckles. “You’re lucky you have them. I mean, my best friends tease me a lot and say shit about me to my face and behind my back.”

“Oh come on, Seokjin and Taehyung love you,” you laugh. “I’ve seen it, but you all also said you’re like that to each other; it’s how you guys grew up. I mean, I was the new girl in school and Jimin and Soomin have been protective since day one, whereas your best friends have shown you tough love since you were kids. They said you never accepted their affection so they switched tactics.”

“That’s fair. I was always shy and then turned into a bitter, introverted child. There was no transition, I guess. Now we’re adults and have just stuck with each other because we’re all we’ve ever known.”

“Well, you make decisions to stand by people, Jungkook. They do with you and you do the same with them. Plus, you’re not that insufferable,” you tease. 

“At least you don’t think so. Not anymore, I hope,” he says softly, looking away. 

“People deserve second chances. You gave me some and more and I… I’m glad you did. I at least get to see this side of you that’s helped me a lot these past months. I’m thankful. And I hope you know that.”

Jungkook just nods, unable to reply through words again. You let him, knowing it’s his default response. He walks to his car and turns around for a final goodbye, leaving you in anticipation for when you’d be with him again.

“Well, that was a long goodbye,” Yoongi says, surprising you as he stands behind you. “And no, I didn’t hear anything.”

You turn to him with a playful frown. “I was just making sure that Jimin didn’t make him feel too bad. I mean, I know I complained a lot but still. I didn’t want Jungkook to think I cursed his existence or something.”

“You did at one point though,” Yoongi laughs. “But it’s acceptable. Jungkook was rude, and heavens know how much shit I gave him for treating you the way he did.”

“You did, huh?”

“I always told you I’d look out for you, ___. Whatever happened or didn’t happen between us, I was always going to have your back.”

“You’re heaven-sent, Min Yoongi,” you smile. “I wish I could do half as much as you do for me.”

“You do more. I hope you don’t ever doubt the comfort that your presence gives to people. Maybe that’s what it’s done to Jungkook. And I know he hasn’t felt much of that in years.”

It’s Yoongi’s last words before he says goodbye, and they stay in your head for the next few days. Maybe Soomin’s right - all that Jungkook has been doing might mean something, and you hope that finding out what it is will all be worth it.

Jungkook decides to meet with his friends at one of his favorite restaurants for lunch. All he planned on doing today was visit you and he has nothing else going on for the rest of it. The club scene has become boring for him, and going to one only to bring home a woman to hook up with is no longer appealing, not when you invade his mind all the time.

Being welcomed in your home was refreshing. And even if it was awkward, meeting your friends allowed him another peak into your world. You choose the people you allow in, and you don’t choose many of them. The ones you do stay for a long time, and that’s the kind of person you seem to be. You value relationships so much that’s why you don’t have many of them, and with all that you went through and the vulnerability you’ve both shown each other, he’s started to hope that one day, he’d be deserving of that, too. 

“So did you feel like a fish out of water being there with her actual friends?” Seokjin asks. “Because I don’t know what you’d consider your relationship with her is. Boss-assistant feels too simplistic at this point. Are you friends? Are you more? Or is that all too ambiguous?”

“I don’t… know,” Jungkook sighs. “We’re all that but we also aren’t. We’ve gone through so much that it doesn’t seem like there’s a way to define what we are. But I feel like I’ve seen her at her most vulnerable and we’ve connected because of that.”

“And what about you? Have you been vulnerable in front of her?” Seokjin asks.

Has he? Jungkook thinks. Maybe that first time he asked for your help with his new role but he supposes it’s nothing compared to what you’ve shown him, intentional or not.

“Not really. I… I don’t let myself be. That’s still distance I need to establish,” Jungkook reasons.

“More like, because you know that if you do show that side of you, you’re scared you’ll find out that she’ll understand, and that having her next to you is what you need to heal whatever parts of you that are still hurting?” Seokjin counters. 

“I don’t want to need her, you know that. There’s a boundary I shouldn’t cross. She’s my assistant and—”

“You’ve been treating her like the most important person and it’s not hard to miss,” Taehyung interjects. “You were never like this, not since Chaerin.”

“I don’t even know what it is about ___ that just makes me consider risking things, you know?” Jungkook sighs. “I’m always torn with what our reality is and what we could be but I’m afraid that if we cross that line, we’ll have to make sacrifices. I… I’m finding myself wanting her around all the time. When she leaves, I want her to stay. When she’s not there, I want her to come. But at the same time, I don’t want her too close because I don’t know if I can have her or if I can want her. Because I don’t know what of me I can give that won’t hurt her,” he admits, with a bit of help from some whiskey.

“Maybe if you let yourself be vulnerable, you’d know,” Seokjin advises. “Some people would run and hide but there’s always that one person who wouldn’t. That might just be her. And then you’ll learn what you can give, too.”

Jungkook lets his friends’ words settle and then thinks about them throughout the night that he spends all alone in his penthouse, with another glass of whiskey in his hand as he looks out the balcony. A part of him wants you to run and hide when you see who he really is, what he hides and what he’s ashamed of. Maybe that would be easier, he thinks; maybe that would hurt less.

You return to work the next Tuesday, having gone to the hospital the day before and being cleared to return to your usual routine. Jimin and Soomin stayed with you until that evening, with you rejecting their insistence to stay another day. You can manage, you assure them. You’re able to walk properly now and would just need to do daily exercises, wear the elastic bandage for another week, and forego the heels. 

Jungkook’s pleased to know that you’re doing better and makes sure you don’t walk around if you don’t need to, so he’s been the one going to see you when he needs something. He also postponed some potential site visits for the project that he and Hoseok are working on until you’re fully capable, which is why it’s three weeks later when you find yourself in the car with him, on the way to some towns in nearby provinces on an early Friday morning. 

Mr. Ri called in sick today and Jungkook didn’t want to deal with a chauffeur he doesn’t know, so he decided to drive instead, thinking it’s more efficient that way. These are all initial checks and being that you’re the only one from his team who’s privy to the details, he wanted you to join him as a sounding board and also to get your own thoughts about what you’ll be seeing. He has a vision in mind and he needs to translate it properly; you’ve been helpful these past months in making sure he’s able to do that.

Disregarding what this time alone with you would do to him, Jungkook meets you in his penthouse, telling himself to focus on only one thing today, and that’s finding the right place for his planned project. 

You leave early for a quick stop at a cafe and then head north to some towns in Gyeonggi province. There are some properties and land that are up for sale, and you prepared the information about them beforehand, allowing Jungkook to play around with the timeline and budget in his mind, even drawing rough drafts on his iPad as he assesses them. You’re both in work-mode, discussing each site on the way to the next one, with you searching for more details along the way and him, stopping on the side of the road to add an idea that he comes up with on the spot. 

It’s a little chaotic, as his mind goes from one thing to another, but you suppose this is how Jungkook naturally is. You’ve seen him perform his duties in various ways, but this is when you see the most raw side of him, and it’s quite the privilege to see. He always said he preferred the creative aspect of the job, which is why he enjoyed his time in Singapore, handling the design department. You contend that he’s grown tremendously in his executive role. As Hoseok has said, Jungkook relates to his staff better now, and has even engaged and attracted more partners with his great ideas.

You’re quite sentimental going on this trip with him. It wasn’t long ago when you were going to work with anxiety, anticipating his next criticism so you can prepare yourself, and then going home feeling like a failure. So much has happened since then, and you could even say that you’ve found comfort in your daily routines; doing something different like this is now exciting and something you look forward to, especially since it allows you to go outside, see the sights, and breathe the cool air. 

“You okay there?” He asks, noticing your silence.

“Yeah. I was just thinking how 10 months ago, this would’ve stressed me out so much.”

“What? Going on a road trip?”

“Pretty much going anywhere with you,” you laugh. “Car rides even with Mr. Ri made me freak out, and I was so scared to make a mistake or make you wait for information that I couldn’t find. And now here we are - I survived the last five hours with you and not once did you groan at me.”

“Wow, I must’ve been a really terrible boss to make your standard for a non-stressful day to be that low,” he laughs before turning serious. “But I… I’m… I’m sorry, for all the stress and anxiety that I caused you. I was being selfish and irrational about it. I hate change and you were the biggest one, even with my new role. I took out all the frustration on you and I shouldn’t have.”

He says more than he expected, but it’s also the apology that he should’ve given—that you deserved —months ago. 

“I forgive you,” you say softly, glancing at him before returning your eyes towards the road. “I always knew my limits and I guess I let you push it and that was on me. I could’ve stood up to you, too.”

“You did though, more than once. And that knocked some sense into me.”

“I guess,” you hum. “And then things improved and I’m just glad they did.”

There’s a prolonged silence after, as you both opt to bask in the scenery around you. There’s that understanding and acceptance of how things were and that regardless of what’s going on in your own minds, you at least have this. You think to yourself that this just makes leaving that much harder, but at least this is one more memory you could take with you.

You make it to Hwacheon in Gangwon past noon, and this is where you spend most of your time in, as the sites are spread out around the county. There are areas tucked away in the mountains while there are those closer to town with grand views. It’s in the latter where you grab some lunch and go through some of his plans, and you take in his ideas, learning from him in the process. 

It’s late in the afternoon when you inspect the final site, which is in an area in the neighboring Chuncheon county. It’s got potential for another project that CEO Jeon is looking to do, and with your notes completed, you and Jungkook start the trip back home. You would reach the tail-end of the Friday night traffic by the time you return to Seoul, the GPS says, and so both of you savor the sky’s changing colors as it transitions to the evening, letting the soft sounds of the radio replace the silence.

Barely 30 minutes in, the rain starts to pour, and it’s seconds later when it dawns on you what that means, as you hear heavy breathing next to you. You turn to Jungkook whose hands are tightly gripping the wheel, with sweat lining his eyebrows despite the cool temperature.

“Did the forecast say it was gonna rain?” He asks, the mix of panic and frustration evident in his voice. 

“Yes, but not until late in the evening,” you say, checking your phone to make sure you got the correct information. 

Your heart breaks upon realizing that at midday, the weather station warned that there was going to be a thunderstorm, with rainfall coming in around this time. You inform Jungkook, and despite all the progress in your relationship, your heart breaks a second time when he says that you should’ve constantly checked, that the weather changes all the time and you should’ve been mindful, and that now you’re both gonna be stuck on the road because he’s unable to drive and you don’t know how to. His tone is harsh, accusatory, as if it was something you could control, as if everything was your fault, just like how it was before.

Jungkook stops on the side of the road as the downpour continues, and he leans his head on the steering wheel now as he takes deep breaths. You tell him he could breathe better if he sits straight up, but he ignores you. 

A part of you wants to remark how it’s ironic that just earlier, he was apologizing for the way he treated you, and now it’s like you’ve both taken a few steps back. You want to say it’s not your fault, that you wouldn’t even have known that the rain affected him this way if you hadn’t seen him be nervous about it when you went home from the gala last year. But you think about the way his eyes looked earlier, how they filled with worry and fear, like there was a sense of powerlessness that you know a little about. 

So you settle for a bit of grace and understanding, thinking they’re what he needs.

“I don’t know why this is on me,” you say softly. “I didn’t know how bad it was but if I did, I would’ve checked constantly and I would’ve had us turn back the second I saw that forecast. And if I could drive, I’d drive us back as fast as I could. I’m sorry.”

He slows his breathing and sits up. His hands still tightly gripping the wheel but his eyes are downcast, and you suppose there’s more sadness than anger, so you stop pressing your nails on your skin, which you’d started doing in anticipation of him arguing with you about it.

“I don’t like the rain,” he shares, his voice low. “I… I have a bad memory of it as a kid and I just get reminded whenever it starts. I panic when it gets louder and I just… I can’t stay out here when that's all I can hear.”

His honesty surprises you. You can’t imagine how it must’ve been like for him, even more that he has to suffer through this right now in front of you, considering how hard it is for him to express how he feels. You don’t know how bad this weather is gonna go, and at this pace, the thunderstorm will probably reach you by the time you make it back to Seoul. So you do what you do best, and that’s to come up with options. 

“There’s a guesthouse not far from here,” you say after checking the map. “It’s the closest one. We could spend the night there and wait out the rain. That’s better than being stuck here or continuing the drive back to the city.”

He nods in agreement, knowing there’s not much he could do. He doesn’t want to be stuck here; even more, he doesn’t want to unload on you nor have you witness how much worse it could be. 

He keys in the address you give him while you call the property and ask if they still have available rooms. They do, so you reserve two and sigh in relief that that’s one problem solved.

You make it there in 15 minutes. Jungkook heads out the car first with the rain having eased up a bit, and you retrieve his luggage from the trunk, the one he keeps there for emergency trips and instances like this one. It has enough clothes for a day, and you’re glad that at least he has something to change into.

You make it inside and meet the owners then introduce yourself, stating that you reserved two rooms. 

“I’m so sorry but we had to give up one of them,” the woman says. “A family came in with a baby and we couldn’t turn them away. The weather’s going to get worse tonight and we try to accommodate as many people as we can. I hope you understand.”

“That’s… that’s okay,” you say, knowing you would’ve done the same. 

The thought of sharing a room with Jungkook feels too intimate and definitely not good for your heart, added to the fact that you’re probably not his favorite person right now, so you try to find a way out. You turn to the living room and see the sofa that’s big enough for you, so you ask if you can just stay there instead.

“Our cleaners will be using that space since they can’t go home due to the rain. I’m sorry again, Miss. Your room has twin beds so I hope that eases your worry somehow.”

“It’s fine, we’ll manage,” Jungkook says from behind you, hoping to the heavens that he will. He has one fear, and that’s you seeing how he really is during times like this.

He takes the key and walks up the stairs to the room you’re given. It’s spacious with a fair enough distance between both beds. He takes the one farther from the window then gets his clothes from his bag. It dawns on him that you don’t have your own with you, so he offers you his sweatshirt. 

“It’s okay,” you shake your head. “It’s gonna be cold and you’re gonna need it.”

“So will you. You can’t be in wet clothes, not in this weather.”

“It’s happened before,” you shrug.

“___, just take it,” he insists, placing the item on your bed. “I have a top here that I can wear and the blankets will be enough. This is loose but it’s at least better than damp clothing. And you can go ahead in the bathroom. I’ll just give Mr. Ri a call.”

You nod and head out, taking his jumper and the towel with you. You’re given some basic toiletries, and the warm shower is just what you need for that bit of comfort after a stressful evening. As you’re about to dress up inside, you hear a knock on the door.

“I asked the lady if they had spare pajamas for you and she gave me a set,” Jungkook says from outside. “I’ll leave them on a stool by the door.”

You wait for him to leave before getting them and putting them on. It’s a plain set of shorts and shirt that’s a little big but it’s way better than your damp skirt and blouse, which the owners offered to wash and dry for you for tomorrow.

You return to the room with Jungkook sitting on the floor, and you give him back his sweatshirt that he turns down. 

“I’m fine,” he insists. “Don’t you get cold easily? You’ll need that.” 

He walks out, barely meeting your eyes. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed when he returns half an hour later, the sight of him with damp hair in black sweatpants and a white sleeveless top doing things to you. But you shake the thoughts away, especially as he once again creates that distance. He doesn’t look at you when he settles in bed, nor when he switches off his bedside light, and definitely not when he turns around to face the other way. You sigh to yourself, feeling even more alone now with him acting like this.

You can’t really blame him though. Dealing with something that elicits painful memories is difficult, and you understand the tendency to isolate yourself and push people away when that happens. It’s what you do sometimes, but still, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you a little when Jungkook does this to you, considering how good your relationship has become, regardless of your stupid attraction.

Settling in your bed, you decide to turn around and face the window. You focus on the droplets creating their own artwork on the glass, in hopes that it’ll help you take your mind off Jungkook, even if he’s literally just a few feet away from you. The last thing you want is a strained relationship, and you hope that this doesn’t make him fall back into his old ways. Although he’s experienced a few stressful moments these past months, they weren’t personal, and you suppose situations like this are when his emotions truly come out.

The rain has gotten stronger again and you’re pleased that Jungkook isn’t awake for this, based on the soft snores you hear. You’re about to fall asleep, the sound hypnotizing you a little, but that’s when the first blare of thunder strikes, causing you to jerk in bed in surprise. It used to scare you because of what it reminded you of, but you learned how to manage it after the first hit; the succeeding ones are no longer triggering. In fact, you just think of how it used to drown out the sounds of what you were truly afraid of.

Just then, you hear distressed moans. The sounds of frantic breathing and shifts on the bed follow right after. And then there’s a restrained groan, like a call for help that doesn’t fully come out, and that’s what alarms you. You immediately get off the bed and rush to Jungkook’s side. You see that he’s still asleep, his body - now uncovered by the blanket - is tense, despite his efforts of turning about. The low sounds of almost-cries convince you that he’s having a nightmare. 

Thunder hits once again and it’s much louder this time, eliciting another frantic response from Jungkook. He’s kicking the covers while gripping the sheets, and with another roar of thunder that causes him to scream, that’s when you decide to wake him up. 

“Jungkook, hey, listen to me,” you say, sitting on the edge of the bed and keeping his head still with your hands. You’re able to control him as he continues tossing and turning, repeating his name until he slowly opens his eyes. “Hey, you’re safe with me, okay? Just focus on my voice.”

He’s awake now and you see the worry in his eyes, but you talk to him calmly, wanting him to trust you. It works, as he nods and slows down his movements. But he’s still breathing heavily, his lips chattering and the rest of his body shivering. 

You anticipate another hit of thunder, and you’re able to shield him from it, pressing your palms on his ears, trying to drown out the sound. You stay that way, thumbing his temples as you tell him it’s okay, that you’ve got him, and that it’ll be over soon. You hold his gaze to let him know that you’re not going anywhere, and his pretty eyes that often look so far away are now overtaken with fear. 

“Just look at me, alright? And follow my breathing,” you instruct him, your voice as gentle as you can make it despite your own worries for him.

He does as you say, his hands gripping your wrists as if to keep them there, and you assure him that you won’t let go until he says so.

“You’re doing good, just keep breathing,” you repeat, pacing your breathing with his until you’re doing it together. 

You don’t know how long you stay that way, with his head between your hands and your eyes locked on his. It takes a while, but the thunder eventually stops and the rain eases. Jungkook finally calms down and you slowly release him from your hold. You watch him shut his eyes, as if in desperation to let everything go, before he opens them again. 

“Is that better?” You ask, moving just a bit farther from him to give him space, but you remain close, wanting to be next to him in case something happens again.

“Yeah, that was, uh… that was tiring,” he huffs.

“I think the thunder has passed but if it happens again, I’ll be here, okay?”

He nods, his soft and desperate eyes now looking at you to express his gratitude. You want so badly to hug him, to hold his still-shaking hands and assure him that he’s not alone, that you won’t let anything hurt him for the rest of the night, and that you understand it all - whatever it is he’s afraid of, and why he keeps it all to himself.

But you suppose that’s going too far. You’re afraid that you’d want to stay there, even more if he doesn’t want you to. So you nod as well and think that he at least has this to comfort him, that he at least knows you’re just there.

You walk back to your bed and lie down, facing him this time. You smile, wanting that assurance to be the last thing he sees before he falls asleep again. Jungkook does the same as he settles under the covers, patting it down so he could see you better. You both stay there, safe in your corners, your eyes telling each other things you can’t say.

Whatever distance you felt earlier has shortened. Right now, with both of you falling asleep to each other’s view, he’s never felt so close.

The morning after heavy rain is always bittersweet. There’s the reality of the damage it caused but you also can’t deny that it gives life to other living things. What it also does is make way for clear skies and give you that fresh, rainwater scent of the grass and the trees. It’s what you see and smell when you open the bedroom windows, reminding you that the evening has passed and the worst is over. 

You spot Jungkook seated on one of the chairs in the garden, and you hope that the view is making him feel better, with the nightmare from last night slowly drifting away from his mind. You dress up in the dry clothes you find hanging on the doorknob of the room then head downstairs, surprised to see food prepared in the dining area. The tofu stew and grilled mackerel are so appetizing, and the loud rumbling of your stomach reminds you that you didn’t eat last night, with all the stress making dinner your last priority.

“Hello, dear. It was a pretty hard evening so we prepared something for our guests,” the owner says, her radiant smile reflecting the brightness of the day. “You may call your friend outside so you can both eat and get ready for a long drive home.”

You thank her then call Jungkook, his eyes brightening when he walks back inside and sees the food. He engages in conversation with the owners, asking about this town and the surrounding ones, and what their appeal is to non-residents. You gauge that he’s doing a bit of research himself, and you think he’s at least not too out of it to still do so.

“You’re free to stay until noon,” the owner informs you. “You can enjoy the view outside; it’s really pretty now that the sky has cleared. I’ll be making tea shortly as well.”

Jungkook says he’ll return to the garden and you wait for the hot drinks before following him. You’re unsure if he wants you around but you try, sitting next to him then sighing in relief when he doesn’t move away.

“I was 10 years old when my parents sent me and my brother to a cabin somewhere in Hwasun,” he starts. “I thought they were coming with us but it was just me and Jeong-sik and some staff. He and I never got along. If he wasn’t ignoring me, he was teasing me. But that day, he convinced me to play hide-and-seek, saying that by the time he finds me, our parents would be back. We were outdoors and I ended up wandering too far, so close to the woods that I couldn’t find my way back. My brother hadn’t come and I was getting scared. And then it started to rain.”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to—”

“It started getting stronger and the skies had become so dark, I could barely see anything,” he continues, his eyes fixed towards the mountains faraway. “The rain made the ground slippery so I decided to just sit by a large tree and hope someone would find me. It felt like hours and maybe it was. The thunder was so loud then and it kept going and going and going. And I was drenched and all alone, and no matter how hard I screamed, no one could hear me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you say, feeling your heart break as he narrates a painful memory that you can relate with. 

It’s only close to what you experienced yet it feels so real to you. You can feel his fear and his pain in the tremble of his voice, in the way he grips on the edges of the bench, in the way his jaw clenches at the memory, like it’s one he’s tried hard to bury yet can’t get rid of, no matter how hard he tries. 

But this feels so personal, and you don’t want him to feel like he needs to share it with you.

“You don’t have to explain,” you add. “I know it’s difficult to share something like that.”

“But I want to,” he responds, turning to you now. “Because I’ve carried the memory with me for 20 years and I’ve been dealing with it all on my own. But that’s not an excuse to treat you the way I did last night. That’s not a reason for me to take it out on you and especially to blame you. That was wrong of me and I’m sorry, ___. I…”

He looks down, perhaps trying to gather the courage he needs to be honest with you, to be vulnerable with you.

“I don’t want you to think that I didn’t need you because I did,” he adds. “I was scared and I didn’t think I needed you but you were there and I’m so sorry.”

You sit there and watch him cower onto himself, and somehow you see the little boy who was scared, who was wondering why he’d been left alone, who was waiting for someone to come find him or perhaps… someone to sit there and be with him until the rain stopped. There’s a lot he carries; there’s also a lot he buries, as if there’s a bottomless hole within him where he keeps everything hidden but it still feels too heavy, too much, taking from him every time he hides something new. 

You don’t say anything for a while, as you start to see Jungkook for who he really is. You feel the weight of his words and how much it took for him to say them. It’s not that his experience makes him different, but now that you know the pain he’s been carrying with him, you’re able to see the other parts of him that he’s unable to show, perhaps too afraid that someone wouldn’t understand, or that they wouldn’t stay if they found out why he keeps his distance and why he pushes people away.

Your silence prompts him to look up. You meet his eyes and see the sadness in them and it feels like he needs more than just forgiveness.

“We do things we don’t mean to when we’re afraid,” you tell him. “It doesn’t always mean we intend on hurting them. And I understand that, more than you know. I’ll never take that against you.”

Jungkook nods, shifting again towards the view as he lets your words sink in. He was hoping for forgiveness, but he got so much more. Maybe there’s a reason why you’ve been patient and gentle with him ever since the beginning. Perhaps you’re carrying your own burden and painful memories that you’re unable to share and deal with, too, and though he’s nothing like you, there’s comfort in knowing that you’re the same somehow.

He senses you turn back to look at the mountains, and the silence prompts him to continue the story of an experience he’s only shared twice before - once to his best friends and another time with Chaerin, all of whom have seen this side of him - the scared and vulnerable side. They were understanding and supportive as well, trying to find ways to comfort and help him deal with it. You’re the third and the one he’s known the shortest time, yet he feels more comfort with you than anyone who’s ever tried.

“I fell asleep at that tree while waiting,” he recalls. “The next thing I know, I was being carried back to the cabin. The rain had stopped but it was still dark, and I was tended to until I fell asleep again. I was sick for days and I didn’t see my parents until we were back in Seoul. It’s just a hard thing to remember. I know we have selective memories and I always wish that’s one thing that I don’t ever have to remember but life isn’t that kind, I guess.”

“It isn’t. But we learn to face those fears though, and manage them. It’s the only way we can get through it,” you say.

“Have you?” He asks, wondering if that’s another similarity he shares with you. 

“Not really. I wouldn’t be alone and where I am if I have,” you say. “But I’m trying. And I’ll continue to.”

“That makes one of us,” he sighs. 

“Well, it’s not always easy if you’re not quite sure what you’re really afraid of,” you respond. “Is it just thunder?”

“Yeah… but once the rain starts, it tells me that thunder could come. It doesn’t always but it’s what my brain tells me. Then I get anxious and I… I don’t know what to do. Like I’m paralyzed and unable to think or move. I just… stay there and sometimes, I don’t even know what’s happening.”

“Well, it rained when I got injured,” you remind him. “But you managed to get me to the hospital. And you stayed with me. That’s definitely something.”

“You were hurt and it was more important that you got treated,” he reasons. “That was scary and I guess my brain told me to get shit done that moment.”

“So… do I always have to be hurt for you to get through the rain when it starts getting bad?” You ask.

“Don’t talk like that. I can’t have you going through that again,” he frowns at you. 

The way he reacts to the thought of you being hurt gives you that warm feeling again. But it reminds you that you feel the same. You don’t want him to be scared, you don’t want him hurt, too.

“Fine. But when it starts to rain and you’re all alone and you feel like you can’t manage, you call me, okay?” You tell him.

“And what would that do?”

“That way I can talk you through it. Maybe go to you if you want me to.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because during the times I was afraid and alone, you were there,” you bravely say, turning to him and prompting him to do the same. “Sometimes something triggers those memories but then I think of how you stayed with me in the alley and in the playground and in my apartment. I think of you and I stop feeling scared. Maybe you can think of last night when it starts to get bad, too. And we can just create more of those memories to override the bad ones. Wouldn’t that be better?”

He savors your words, not realizing how much you’ve held onto your moments together. And he understands that now. The way you held him together last night is ingrained in his mind, and if that’s how it feels to be with you during his darkest moments, he starts to wonder how good it would feel during the good ones.

Maybe he’ll start with this, as you both sip citrus tea while looking at the lush mountains out on the horizon. He’ll continue with the scenic drive back to Seoul and a stopover at a cafe for some iced coffee and conversations about good memories. And at least for today, he’ll end with the sight of you walking to your apartment and then turning around to wave him goodbye, and then your smile giving him warmth on this cold afternoon.

The door shuts and he starts the trip back to his place - empty, lonely, just like how it’s been for years, all his pent up emotions bringing him to this point of isolation. But there’s you - the feel of your touch, the soothing sound of your voice, and the gentleness that got him through the night.

He misses you already. And much as he knows he’s in big trouble, thinking about you and wanting you is all he could do.

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[kasagia]

District boy

Pairing: young! Coriolanus Snow x fem!Capitol! reader; doppëlganger! Finnick Odair x fem!Capitol! reader Summary: You and Corio were very close (best) friends. Young Snow had a crush on you for a very long time. But he wouldn't let anything distract him—not until he got his family out of their financial troubles. And then comes the 10th Hunger Games, in which you get to be a mentor for a very handsome tribute... Coryo isn't happy about it at all. Requested by: Two anonymous. I hope you will like it! 😊💙🖤 Warning(s): jealous Coriolanus Snow; (doppëlganger) of Finnick Odair; the author doesn't care that it is impossible; Coryo being simp for the reader; reader flirts with Finnick; quote from 'My tears ricochet' by Taylor Swift; Words count: 7k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi ~•♤♤♤•~ Coriolanus Snow's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist

Coriolanus did not remember the exact moment when this happened.

Everything that had to do with you came to him very... naturally.

Before he knew it, one joint project for one of your classes turned into daily discussions in the cafeteria. You entered his very small circle of 'friends' like you should have always belonged there and unknowingly became the best friend to young Snow.

And then you started staying in the library after classes, talking about various things (Coriolanus hated himself for wasting his time when he should have been studying on pointless discussions with you, but he always ended up in the library at the end of the day anyway).

And so one day he realised that you were wonderful when you laughed at his jokes. That the smell of your perfume made him hungrier than the baked goods that spread from the bakery he passed by every day on his way to the Academy. That he was missing something as he basked in the glow of your attention. That he would like you to be with him at all times, not only within the walls of the Academy, cafes (he never ordered himself anything, trying to stop his stomach from growling as he watched you eat the cake, occasionally offering him a bite), or the park. That he would like to have you completely to himself and hide you from the eyes of other people who, in his opinion, were not worthy of an ounce of your attention.

He remembered snapping at Festus when he asked him if you were seeing anyone. As if Coriolanus' claim about you wasn't obvious enough to him.

Although you also remained blind to his obvious feelings, which Sejanus said were as visible as an approaching change in the weather in the Rocky Mountains. By the way, he wondered when Sejanus would forget those catchphrases from District 2. They were very tiring and boring to listen to.

But Snow decided to let you stay in the dark for a little longer and admire you in silence, from his place next to you as your best friend. He promised himself that when he won the Plinth Prize, he would conquer not only the world but you and your heart. After all, he couldn't imagine anyone else being his First Lady than you.

He knew that his fascination with you was gradually turning into an unhealthy obsession. But what else could he do when you took his breath away just by existing? And Coryo wasn't used to not having control over his emotions. But with you... you could do whatever you wanted with him. And he was terrified, both by the fact that you had such power over him and by the fact that you were completely unaware of it.

However, everything was going according to his plan. He stayed by your side, guarding you like a gardener's dog and waiting for the moment when he would finally be worthy of you and make you his. And you seemed to obediently dismiss every admirer.

Until the 10th Hunger Games came along.

And a certain district boy stole too much of your attention for Coriolanus' liking. After all, you were HIS. Even if you didn't know about it yet.

"Hello, petal." He whispers in your ear, walking up to you from behind.

Surprised, you choke on the champagne you drank in secret from your parents and other participants in the reaping party at the Academy. He smiles in amusement, gently patting your back and discreetly placing the glass of champagne on the table for you.

"Coriolanus Snow, someday I'll put a fucking bell around your neck like my mother's cats have." You say, coughing. He laughs softly, offering you his arm, which you take once you've recovered.

"I thought you considered it brutal?" He replies sarcastically, glancing at the dress you were in, which hugged your curves perfectly.

A white dress that Tigris made for you 'coincidentally' matched perfectly with the outfit he was currently wearing. He had never been more proud of his cousin than he was now.

"I'm surprised that you think you're on an equal footing with my cats. You're no match for them, Snow." He rolls his eyes at you, but he can't help but smirk a little at your laugh.

"We will see." You snorted at that. You notice Sejanus in the crowd talking to his parents.

"I'll go say hello." You say, nodding towards Sejanus. But before you can take a step towards him, Coryo's grip on you tightens. You give him a questioning look, focusing your gaze on him.

"Stay with me. You know I don't like talking to them all by myself. Especially with Arachne. Sejan will be joining us soon." You sigh, rolling your eyes at him, but you don't try to fight his grip or let go of his arm as he leads you towards the group of your classmates.

"I spoil you too much, Snow."

"Nonsense, you could do better." You laugh in amusement, and he smiles at the sound of that.

But his good mood and relaxed demeanour quickly turned into a stoic expression. You feel him tense slightly and straighten, as if preparing for a fight, when you approach your classmates.

"Snow and Y/L/N. As always, together. You could finally make up your mind, darling, and choose one of them instead of hanging around him and Plinth." Arachne greets you, as always, nicely, at which you laugh artificially.

"Why should I when I can have both?" You reply with a shrug, making some of them laugh. However, you are most pleased with Arachne's grimace and the small smile on Coryo's lips.

"Usually it's the district girls who act like whores." You feel Coryo tense next to you, his eyes turning a cold, icy shade as he stares at the girl in front of you. If looks could kill, Coryo would become a serial killer. However, he could certainly make someone feel insecure and intimidated.

"Usually inheritance hunters don't complete their education and end up marrying some rich fool at the earliest opportunity, even before they turn 18. And yet here you are, Arachnie. I think that makes us both surprised then." You reply before Coryo can react. Festus shakes his head and stares at the both of you in amusement as you sinisterly glare at each other.

"Ladies, why all these quarrels? We already know who Y/N will end up with."

"And who is it, Festus?"

"Me." You shake your head at that, amused. However, Coryo, standing next to you, doesn't share your humor. He pulls you slightly closer to him, giving you a fleeting glance before focusing on Festus.

"For now, she's not on your shoulder, Creed."

"Enjoy it while you can, Snow. We'll see how things go when we enrol in university." You see Coriolanus tighten his jaw at his remark. You squeeze his arm slightly tighter, making him shift his gaze to you. You smile as he relaxes slightly under your attention.

"You made it to the graduation, Festus. You shouldn't set higher expectations for yourself than that." Sejan's voice echoes behind you. You snorted in amusement and turned around in Coryo's embrace; somehow you managed to get out of them enough to wrap your arms around your friend. "Y/N. You look as beautiful as always. Arachne, who are you trying to fool with this white outfit?" You hide your face behind Coryo's shoulder, trying to hold back a burst of laughter.

You feel Sejanus wrapping his arm around you. Now, you are held by your two friends, and the one with the lighter hair is definitely unhappy about having to share you with Plinth, but you are not able to notice it since the reaping is finally starting.

A murmur of women's whispers echoed throughout the room as a very handsome man emerged from the crowd. You leaned forward slightly, taking a closer look at the tall, athletic, and chiselled man with tanned skin and bronze hair.

With just one look into his stunning sea-green eyes and after seeing the huge, charming smile he sent for the cameras, you knew that whoever got this man was going to be the winner. Because no tribute ever made as much money from sponsors as a sinfully hot man usually did.

And this one was a special sight for the eyes. The reaction of most of the female part of the room and the jealous and furious looks of the men at the reaction of their other halves confirmed your suspicions.

"This boy from 4 belongs to Miss Y/N Y/L/N."

You licked your lips, smiling wolfishly, and watched your tribute on the screen. You were so lucky.

"You damn lucky dog." Persephone whispers in your ear and slaps your shoulder playfully. You give her a half-smile and shrug as the cameramen spend a little more time showing your tribute.

"What can I say... maybe I'll only attract hot men from now on? I hope his muscles aren't just for good looks, because that would be a shame." She shakes her head at your words, holding back a laugh. You smile and involuntarily glance at Coriolanus.

He immediately looks away from you. His jaw is set, and his leg bounces slightly. Anyone else would think he was relaxed and calm. But you knew him too well to assume that.

He was already nervous the moment Clem took your seat, and you were forced to sit in the second row, away from him. Coriolanus doesn't like it. He would rather hold your hand, feel the warmth of your body close to yours, and smell the faint scent of your perfume than sneak glances over his shoulder to keep an eye on you.

Sometimes he knows he can be painfully obvious, but he thanks fate for at least being kind enough to keep you unaware of his feelings for you. He would have you. Just not yet. First, his tribute had to win the damn Hunger Games so he could win Plinth's prize. Then he could make his move without fear of you discovering his family's financial situation. Finally, snow lands on top. And he spent many sleepless nights imagining that he would land on top of you.

You catch his gaze, but you don't have time to analyse his attitude. After a while, Lucy Gray appears on the screen, and you see that your handsome guy will have some competition for the Capitol's favour.

And the possible competition with your best friend makes you feel very uncomfortable. So much so that you don't notice the hateful glare Coriolanus shot at your tribute as the operators once again showed off the likenesses of this year's tributes.

Finnick Odair. A new obstacle in his plan that he had to eliminate. And not just to win the Hunger Games...

You haven't spoken to Coryo since then. Which was an extremely strange phenomenon because you were usually attached to each other at the hip.

Although you had seen him briefly during classes and now, when most of the mentors had gathered around the cage at the zoo to find their tributes and give them something to eat or drink, he didn't even spare you a second glance as he was fully focused on Lucy Gray.

Something was wrong with him.

Especially after his little stunt at the train station and his conversation with Dr. Gaul. Because of which, now (and mainly because of Sejanus' statement), you stand nervously near the bars, looking for your tribute.

And you couldn't help but wonder what exactly the Hunger Games were for. The more you thought about it, the more you started to side with Sejanus.

The First Rebellion may have done you great harm, but was it any wonder that the people of the district rebelled? After all, if any of you were born outside the Capitol, you would probably do what they did. So what was the point of murdering 23 of the young unfortunates who had been singled out for slaughter?

“You seem lost.” A voice next to you pulls you from your thoughts. You turn around, seeing your tribute leaning against the bars and watching you carefully. If he was hot on TV, he looked gorgeous in real life. His cheekbones and jaws look like they had been carved with chisels by the best of the artists. And his eyes... you wonder how such men could be born and live in any district. "Unless you're looking for something. Or someone, if I may boldly assume."

"Y/N Y/L/N. Your mentor." You say, reaching your hand out towards him through the bars. He takes your hand, placing a kiss on the back of it. You can't help but notice how soft his lips are against your skin. You blush slightly, and you can almost feel Flickerman's eyes and cameras behind you.

"I figured it out. Fate must be a little kind to me after all. Giving me the most beautiful of mentors as my guardian angel."

"You'll be able to say that when you win the Hunger Games." You reply, taking your hand from his and pulling food and drink out of your bag for him.

"When?" He asks, taking the cookie from you and immediately biting into it. That view is squeezing you with sadness, seeing how hungry he is. Despite everything, he still carries himself with grace and is extremely charming. You hope that the cameras will show him often. "How can you be so sure?"

"You are handsome. You attract women's attention. If you maintain that charming attitude of yours, you will probably earn quite a lot of money with those pretty eyes and smile. At least enough to not die of hunger or dehydration in the arena." You reply, searching for something else in your bag.

"Under different circumstances, I would be grateful for so many compliments, angel." You look up, meeting his gaze. And something inside you tells you that, in fact, if the circumstances were different, you would be talking about something completely different right now... or doing something much more enjoyable.

"When you win, who knows? Once a tribute stayed in the Capitol after winning." You say, handing him your cousin's old white sweater that he found in the closet.

"Sorry, honey, but I doubt I'd want to stay in the Capitol. Even for such a nice view." He says this, unabashedly taking off the slightly torn and dirty shirt he was wearing.

He soaks it in the water you gave him and rinses himself off, putting on a show for the entire Capitol audience to watch thanks to the cameras trained on him and the people in the zoo. You lick your lips, trying not to openly stare at the muscles on his chest and act rude (or, in this case, like a horny teenager).

"You're behind bars." You clear your throat, reminding him that there are probably no good views from the cage. You took the courage to look him in the eyes again only after he got dressed.

"And I look at a beautiful girl, what more could I want?"

You laugh loudly and honestly at this. He joins you, and the other mentors and the rest of the tributes look at you like you're crazy. You're too busy looking at the handsome man in front of you to notice Coryo giving him a dagger glare and clenching her fists in anger.

But Lucy Gray does it.

And she perfectly recognises jealousy in the eyes of others. Especially pure anger and the beginnings of forming a plan for revenge. After all, that's how she ended up here.

The day before reaping, Mayfair Lipp had a similar look in her eyes.

Which makes her come to the conclusion that maybe her mentor isn't as good a person as she initially assumed.

"Excuse me for a moment." Snow mutters to her as he walks towards the two of you, leaving her to the children who came to look at her dress.

You and Finnick chat casually about things completely unrelated to Games. Coriolanus notices that the boy from the district reached through the bars for your hand, showing you different lines on it, probably doing some trick or foretelling stupid things.

But what added fuel to Snow's anger was the fact that, in addition to the district's underdog daring to touch you, he also made your face blush. Something Coriolanus has never managed to do.

"Y/N." He says, interrupting the conversation between the two of you. Seeing that he is watching you, you move away from the boy, calming down his anger a little. "We have to get back to the Academy. We have another class soon."

"Oh. Yes." you say, the disappointment is very audible in your voice, which makes him even more angry and jealous.

Why on earth would this piece of trash from the district deserve your attention, or maybe even affection, when Coriolanus was standing right next to you?

"I'll be back again. If you need anything, I'll get it for you." You say, giving a soft smile to your tribute. Coryo almost growls in anger, knowing full well that this worm doesn't deserve your kindness.

"Everything's fine, angel. Don't worry too much." He replies with his charming smirk, making Coryo want to impale his head through the metal wires of his cage.

He wraps his hand around your waist and catches your gaze as he nods towards the exit of the zoo. Taking advantage of your moment of distraction as you watch Arachne torment her tribute, Coriolanus gives your tribute a cold look and squeezes your waist a little tighter. Odair looks at him impassively, but the slight tightening of his jaw tells Snow that the boy got the hint.

No matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to touch you like Coryo was doing right now.

Coryo shouldn't be concerned about a boy from the district, especially one who competed in the Hunger Games, but he couldn't just let that bastard flirt with HIS girl.

Your terrified gasp brings him out of his thoughts. He automatically places his hands on your shoulders, pulling you closer to him and looking around for whatever scared you. And she sees Arachne's tribute grab her by the neck and pull her towards her, holding a broken bottle in her other hand.

He feels you try to break free from his grip, but instead of letting you go and running towards Arachne and her tribute, he spins you around and presses your face into his chest just as Arachne's neck pierces the glass of the bottle.

He feels you tremble in his arms, hearing the screams and shots of the Peacekeepers, who open fire too late and kill the crazy girl from the district.

"You're safe. Nothing will happen to you. Not with me." He whispers to you as he feels your tears soak his shirt, and he falls even more in love with you, seeing you cry even for a bitch like Arachne.

He places a kiss on the top of your head and leads you out of the zoo and to your car. He glances briefly at Lucy Gray to make sure they didn't shoot her by accident. He angrily accepts that your tribute is also unharmed.

He feels a little better, though, when he sees how your tribute shoots a jealous, angry glare at him, holding you close to his chest. And Coriolanus can't help but wink arrogantly at him.

"Focus." You tell the tribute in front of you as you discuss plans to build the Arena with him. Finnick, however, prefers to play with the bracelet on your wrist.

"Rose quartz. You know you don't get things like that from just anyone?" He asks, examining the stone. You remove your wrist from his grasp and raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"My friend gave me this."

"That creepy blonde? Adorable. If he took his eyes off you for more than 5 seconds."

You roll your eyes at him and turn your gaze away from him to glance at Coryo. He's talking to, or rather listening to, Lucy Gray as he stares blankly at the pen and paper in front of him. He senses your gaze and turns around. You give him a soft smile, and he nods at you and goes back to listening to his tribute.

"Coryo doesn't like being alone among people he doesn't trust or know. And after yesterday, he's… more caring. It's natural."

"And does this Coryo of yours often give you old bracelets with a stone symbolising love?" You frown, examining the bracelet he gave you for your 18th birthday.

"It belonged to his mother. He probably thought it was pretty and that's why he gave it to me. It does not mean anything." You explain to him, at which he just shakes his head in disbelief, apparently not trusting in the good intentions of your friend. You want to go back to discussing your arena survival plan with him, but he won't let you say a word.

"Hmm... if I hadn't been chosen in the reaping and we had met under different circumstances, and if I were rich, I would have given you a necklace with pearls and pieces of angelite."

"Why?" You ask curiously, hoping that once he says what he wants, you two will go back to discussing plans. But you wonder how the hell he knows the meaning of the stones.

"Pearls are a symbol of wisdom, calmness, integrity, and serenity. They also remind me of the ocean. How old fishermen told us stories about beautiful sirens who attracted them by singing."

"Like Lucy Gray?" You ask with a smirk, thinking he might like the female tribute.

"I was thinking of another beauty." He says his fingertips are brushing against yours as much as the cuffs on his wrists would allow.

You blush when he flirts with you. You can't say that it bothers you or that you are indifferent. After all, he was very handsome. You don't see Coryo frown, staring daggers at the place where your hands lightly brush against each other.

"What about angelite? Why it?"

"It's a kind of peaceful crystal. Some believe that it helps to bring a guardian angel closer to you. After being chosen in the reaping... I wasn't quite at peace. And then I looked at you, and somehow..." He pauses, staring at your hands. You grab his hands tight, making his sea-green eyes look back into yours in surprise at your sudden gesture.

"I promise I will do everything in my power to make you survive this. You don't have to trust me, but trust in this."

"Because you want the prize?" He asks suspiciously, and you shake your head with a slight chuckle. You're not surprised that he's distrustful. After all, most mentors had this in mind. The prize. Not a human life that was in their hands.

"Because I can't stand the thought of someone like you dying in the arena." You admit it. You unconsciously lean into each other as you stroke your fingers over the back of his hand, drawing little patterns on it.

"Someone like me? Underdog from the district?"

"A handsome man with a good heart. Do not look at me like this. I saw you sharing water and food with that sick little girl—Dill and the other one... Wovey I think? You are a good man, Finncik Odair." You say with confidence.

His eyes light up for a moment, and for the first time, you see his real, unforced, warm smile. He didn't play the charming boy. Not this time.

"I guess that makes two of us, angel. I saw someone giving her medicine last night and extra food. I doubt it was their mentors."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." You both laugh at your answer. And somehow you can't help but blush—the flutter in your stomach that's caused by the way he looks at you and that damn beautiful, genuine smile—that's nothing compared to his charming façade.

Someone's burning gaze focused on you, which you feel on your temple, makes you let go of the tribute's hand, embarrassed. You look around discreetly, noticing Coryo's cold gaze that makes you shiver. He's never looked at you like that... at least not in your direction. It takes you a few seconds to realise that his gaze isn't on you at all, but on the man sitting across from you.

"Can you get me a trident? And some nets?"

"Trident?" You ask distractedly, making a note of his request anyway.

"To the arena. To put on a show and collect more donations." You nod, your thoughts fully returning to Finnick. You tell yourself that you're making something up. After all, Coryo is just your friend.

"I'll see what I can do. You also need to think about what you will do on tomorrow's TV appearance." You remind him, writing down in your notebook the things you should provide him with before he goes on air. Maybe a suit? You're sure he'd look drop-dead handsome in it on stage.

"I have already got some idea. You'll probably like it." He replies with an arrogant smirk, causing you to giggle, which, for some strange reason, you're unable to hold back. His smirk widens.

"Y/N. Can I take you away for a moment?" Coryo's voice and the fact that he's right behind you surprise you. You didn't notice him sneaking up until he spoke. You wonder how many times he has managed to do this without your knowledge.

"Go, angel. I'll see you tomorrow at the arena." Finnick says, giving you another of his trademark smirks. You nod to him and accept Coryo's hand as he helps you up. He takes your bag from you, and you both walk out.

You go with him as his emotional support to Dr. Gaul's laboratory. He tells you enthusiastically about his new ideas for the Hunger Games and how the woman was interested in them, but you only half-listen, your thoughts still with Finnick. And Coriolanus doesn't like it that you so brazenly ignore what he says.

"You two are rather close." He says, getting your attention. You raise a questioning eyebrow at him, not understanding who he was talking about. "You and your tribute."

"We are. It's my job to take care of him."

"You do it rather willingly and with a smile on your face." He remarks with a strange tone of voice. You stop and frown at him, not understanding what his problem is.

"Are you suggesting something?"

"No. No. Not at all. I'm just warning you. People are talking."

"They always talk." You snap at him, furious that he's playing that card. He lectures you as if you were a little child and did something wrong. Besides, who cared? You could flirt with anyone you wanted.

"Y/N. He's just a district boy. I don't want your reputation to suffer just because… you see him as a human being."

"Are you serious? He IS a human being. Like each one of them." You say, angry at him for even saying such a thing.

"You sound like Sejanus." He says it coldly, giving you an unreadable look. You don't know what he's thinking, but you know by the way his jaw is set and his hand is nervously playing with the strap of his bag that it's not good. And you wonder. Because Sejan is your friend after all. And he was also a district boy.

"Maybe because he's right." You respond to his remark by crossing your arms and staring at him defiantly, tilting your chin slightly upward.

"Are you really going to let some district scumbag ruin your career and future? Everything you've worked for so far? They hate us, Y/N. Each one of them. Behind that charming smile of his, there is a devil who gossips about you and laughs at your naivety behind your back."

"They are not monsters, Coriolanus."

The use of his full name makes him flinch. You see it and immediately regret not using his diminutive, but that's okay. You were incredibly frustrated and angry that he thought the way Dr. Gaul and the rest of the rich snobs of Panem did. That he didn't see these people as... people. People like you were.

"They killed my father, and because of the rebellion 10 years ago, my mother and sister, whom I never got to know, are dead, and they might have been alive if those district rats hadn't turned the Capitol into a battlefield. You, Tigris, and my grandmother are all I have left. And I won't let anything happen to you or anyone take you away from me." He bursts out, keeping his voice cool, but you can clearly see the storm of emotions in his icy eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, Coryo. The rebellion is over. We are safe. But they are not." You decide to back out of the argument with him.

"They don't deserve to be safe. Not after what they did to us, petal."

You don't say anything at his words. You just sigh and go to hug him.

He relaxes a little in your arms, wrapping himself around you just as tightly as you wrap around him. You are enveloped in his warmth and the delicate scent wafting from the rose he had pinned to his red jacket.

You know how Coryo suffered and how he sought an outlet for his pain. And you can't be surprised that he blamed the people of the district for his family's fate. That he hated them... but you didn't know how deep that hatred had grown inside him.

And how much it had grown the moment he found out from Lucy Gray that you had promised to make sure Odair won.

When he found out you chose that district boy above him in The Hunger Games, he fully understood what Dr. Gaul wanted him to say when she asked him about the meaning of the games.

Now he had to make sure that HE would become THE VICTOR. And not the underdog from 4 who tried to steal HIS woman.

"I hope I haven't caused you any trouble?" Finnick asks with that smile of his that makes you weak in the knees as you both walk around the arena.

You blush slightly, remembering last night.

"Here. Put this somewhere and change it when we get back from the arena. Then you two will be on TV." You tell him, handing him a bag of clothes through the bars. It is midnight. You shouldn't be here, and you might as well have given it to him in the morning, but... something pulled you to him. "If you are as charming as usual, you will win the hearts of the audience." You say, not knowing that he only cares about ONE heart.

"You're too good, angel. But I have something for you too." he says that and hands you a small bundle. You frown at him.

"I… I shouldn't…" You say, surprised, but he pushes the bundle into your hands anyway.

You look at him in a daze for a moment and unwrap the fabric. You gasp when you see the necklace. It is an ordinary black leather strap with a silver pendant with a fish that swallows its tail, thus creating a circle shape. There was a tiny pearl inside.

"If I were a rich man, I would give you something else... as a souvenir. But I'm not... but I really wanted for you to have something that will remind you of me. Please say something, or I might start talking nonsense that we'll both regret later and..."

You silence him by leaning in and kissing him through the bars. It's a gentle kiss, as tender as the tiny passage between the bars allows, but somehow he manages to grab your hand and cup your cheek carefully, brushing your skin with his thumb.

You feel tears welling up as you think about what it might have been like in another life, where there were no divisions into better and worse districts and the Hunger Games would never have existed... but this small moment stolen in the night between you two will have to be enough. That gentle brushing of your lips.

"No. Not at all. Do you already know what you're going to do on TV?" You ask, changing the subject, trying to keep from blushing as the two of you walk around the arena while you make mental notes of the best places to escape.

"Yes. I will recite a poem. Or, rather, a song. I will not compete with our dear Lucy Gray, and I will not sing. Want to hear?"

"Sure." You reply with a shrug, completely unprepared for what he had in store.

He clears his throat. He catches your eye and begins with a tone of voice so velvety and pleasant to the ear that it's impossible for you to perceive anything other than him. And certainly not the way your blonde friend was staring daggers at you with clenched fists, ignoring the scared look Lucy Gray was throwing his way.

"We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me I didn't have it in myself to go with grace 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet."

You shiver as he finishes. He was only a small step away from you as he inched closer with each line he spoke, never taking his eyes off you. You are speechless. All you can do is look him in the eyes, watching as he gently brushes away your hair from your eyes.

"It's... it's beautiful. Did you write it?" You ask, snapping out of your daze.

"No. No, I don't. I believe this is 'My tears richochet' by Taylor Swift."

"Taylor Swift?" You repeat it stupidly, swallowing and trying to calm your rapidly beating heart that aches with the desire to kiss him. You know you can't. Not in the light of day. Never in plain sight. And it hurt you that you wanted a man who could never be yours.

"In another life, I would be a London boy." You laugh with him about it. Suddenly he looks around seriously, and when he sees that Coriolanus is the only one watching you, he takes a step towards you and gently strokes your cheek with his thumb. "You're... I didn't expect anyone in the Capitol to have a heart. And certainly not as pure as yours, my sweet angel."

You shiver, unable to move away from him.

He leans down and steals you a quick but more passionate kiss than the first you two had shared under the cover of the night. His hand tangles in the hair at the back of your head as he opens your mouth with his tongue, swallowing your moan. Common sense screams at you to step away, but you can't. You cup his cheeks in your hands, pulling him closer to you, stealing another moment with him as he pushes you against a pillar, hiding you from anyone's view.

Before anyone can notice that you two have disappaired, there's a loud bang in the arena. You scream as you feel a warm gust of air make you fall onto your back. The combined scream of both Coryo and Finnick's calling your name and the pounding of your head is the last thing you hear and feel before you pass out.

Consciousness comes back to you very slowly. At first, you think you're dead, but the ringing in your ears and headache wouldn't be symptoms of a dead person on the other side.

That's why you open your eyes slowly and very reluctantly.

You hiss as the light from the hospital lamp hits your eyes. You cover them with your hand when suddenly you feel another one on yours.

"Everything's fine, petal. You are safe with me. Move slowly, take your time."

"Coryo?" You ask, pushing both your and his hands away from your eyes as you narrow them at him. You sigh with relief and hug the blonde, who is also in a hospital gown. You managed to notice a few scratches on his face before you cuddled up to him shakily.

"Shh... it's okay, my petal. Your parents were here. They waited through the entire surgery, and when the doctor told them you were stable, they went home to get clothes for you. They should be back here soon. Together with Tgiris and Sejanus."

"Surgery?" You ask in surprise, only now feeling the grip of the bandages on your head.

"They put a few stitches on your head. Fortunately, it wasn't as deep a wound as we thought it was. You scared me. And the others." He says, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he wraps his arms tighter around you... like a snake.

"The arena... Finnick. Is he alive? What happened? Where is Finnick?" You panicked, moving away from him and ignoring his more affectionate than usual gestures. All you can think about is a district boy that you have grown to... to love in these few days when you got a chance to know him.

You don't see the anger rising in Coriolanus's eyes, nor do you recognise his fake tone as he pretends to be concerned. You're more concerned, scared, and distraught that you don't feel the weight of Finnick's necklace around your neck.

"He is dead. I'm sorry for your tribute, my petal." He says, slowly stroking your bare arms.

From the side, it looked like he wanted to comfort you, but he was only doing it because he wanted to feel your skin under his fingertips. Enjoy his reward. As well as that snow lands on top.

"What?" You ask in shock, not feeling his touch at all. Your world stopped. As if it were dying. You don't feel anything. Nothing at all.

"There was an attack of rebels. He didn't survive." He repeats it more emphatically, watching you carefully.

"No... no..." You shake your head, feeling tears welling up in your eyes. Tears that you don't even try to hold back. Just as your whole body trembles.

"It's not your fault, honey. You did an excellent job as a mentor. It could have happened to anyone."

"You do not understand! This isn't about stupid games! This is about him! About human life! How can you be so selfish and myopic?!”

You shout angrily, slapping your hands against his chest. Your tears are blurring any vision; you're still weak from the surgery, so when you get tired, he pulls you into his arms and presses your head to his chest, rubbing your back as you cry into him.

Into a man who took the opportunity to get rid of the inconvenience of your tribute. Along with the necklace he gave you. Coriolanus was furious when he saw it on your neck as he carried you out after pushing Odair right into the spot where, a second later, a large piece of debris fell from the ceiling.

Once again, Coriolanus' perceptiveness worked to his advantage.

And now you were his. Only his. He made sure there were no traces of Finnick Odair left. After all, his First Lady couldn't be sullied by a district boy.

"Don't cry over him. We are all we need anyway, my little petal." He whispers against your skin as he kisses away your tears.

You're too busy mourning your tribute and too drugged to do anything. So he uses this to his advantage and fucks your face with kisses before finally leaning in to taste your lips.

He moans into your mouth, not caring about the slightly salty taste of your tears, and gently wraps his hand around your neck. You mumble something into his mouth, pressing your hand against his chest to push him away.

But he doesn't give up. He sits you on his lap and places kisses on your neck. You gasp, clinging to him. He rests his forehead against yours and kisses you once again. He lifts your hands and makes you tangle them in his hair. His other hand wraps around your waist, pulling you in until your chests are pressed together.

He ignores Lucy Gray's singing echoing through the private room in the hospital your parents bought for you to get better and holds you close to his chest, pressing tender kisses to your cheeks, lips, nose, forehead, and neck—everywhere his greedy, eager mouth can reach.

You can't move. Because of the drugs they drugged you with, so you can't feel pain, or because you don't want to move, you don't know yet. In some strange way, the feeling of closeness comforts you, and your stupid brain and heart try to trick you into thinking it's right. After all, Coryo saved you, and he always saved you. He was always there for you. Always close to you. Unconsciously, you start kissing him back. He moans contentedly, rubbing himself against you.

He refrains from doing anything more and pushes you off of him, keeping your head on his shoulder and his arms around you as he places small kisses on your temple and tenderly, occasionally reaching up to kiss your lips as the painkiller drip he unscrews a little makes you melt and surrender completely to him.

He holds you as you fall asleep in his arms, thinking about how he can make sure his songbird wins. He reduced her competition anyway by hastening Odair's death, but he must be sure that he wins Plinth's prize so he can finally claim you fully for himself. He wouldn't endure another district boy near you.

Coriolanus knew that hope was dangerous. Love was fatal and destructive if you didn't control the one you cared for. And jealousy... jealousy brought out people's primal, animal instincts.

Just like the Hunger Games.

He looks at your sleeping, peaceful form, and he presses a kiss on your lips. He smiles, seeing how cuddled up to him you were and how you were in need of his warmth and touch, of the security he provided and will always provide for you. You were worth every sin. His petal. His little angel. His future First Lady and mother of his children. He will adore you. You'd forget about this district underdog once he won; he was sure of it.

After all, he was the only victor Panem could have.

[samwinchesterism]

in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”

“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.

like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.

anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below

childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah

every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:

“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.

obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.

similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.

or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down  

one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:

“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.

from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”

and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)

again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.

“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”

the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.

Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.

examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):

2.02 (about John’s death)

Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”

Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”

Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon

3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)

SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

DEAN: I'm not!

SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.

DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.

SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.

DEAN: And how do you know that?

SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.

5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:

SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call

DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.

SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.

DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?

SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.

8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”

10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)

SAM: I'm saving my brother.

CASTIEL: You told Dean—

SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—

CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.

SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah.

Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.

Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.

Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?

13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)

JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]

14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]

14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]

15.17 (self explanatory at this point)

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.

so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)

[yanderes-galore]

First of many. Here we go.

Angel Dust (Platonic)

Your prompts

2

28

61

Sure! These prompts give mental breakdown vibes so... that's exactly what you're getting, lol (Or at least it's what I'm aiming for-)

Yandere! Platonic! Angel Dust Prompts 2, 28, 61

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you!"

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you?"

"Being alone is worse than you hating me."

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Emotional Manipulation, Mental breakdown, Drinking/Intoxication, Clingy behavior, Poor mental health, Drugs mention, Stalking, Possessive behavior, Projecting trauma, Unhealthy friendship, Swearing, Mature themes, Angst, Overly affectionate behavior, Dubious turned forced companionship.

Since you became a Sinner and entered the Hotel, you were close with Angel Dust. At first you found him a bit jarring and crude. Eventually, however, you managed to become a support system for the both of you.

Naturally you knew about Angel's job. He worked for the Overlord Valentino and said Overlord overworks and... Hurts him. The thought made your blood boil, but it wasn't like you could pick successful fights with an Overlord as a Sinner.

Angel appreciated the sentiment, even if he had to hold you back from attacking his boss.

The issue with Angel's job was his behavior due to it. He was often self destructive, ranting and venting with you and Husk over a strong drink. He's often stressed... But you're always there to help.

In fact, it seems you became a coping mechanism for Angel. With you, he feels like he doesn't have to drown himself in alcohol and drugs. Even Husk notices how calm yet clingy Angel is when you enter the room.

He's always playful with you, a smile on his face when you show concern. You care so much about him.... Angel isn't sure what he'd do without you.

Which is why when you push him away... He nearly breaks.

It's his toxic trait, he's too selfish when it comes to you. However what Sinner or Demon isn't selfish? He's allowed to have nice things, isn't he?

Angel had a tendency to be... Possessive. You are one of the only ones to care for him like this. Which... Makes him follow you around... And be a bit manipulative.

He's allowed to have you... Right?

So who are you to deny him his comfort?

Angel wasn't in his right mind when you chose to distance yourself from him. He had recently come back to the Hotel from a job at Val's studio. He already wasn't pleasant before he had a few drinks.

Yet when he called your name in a needy tone, you didn't come. Why? Well... It seems you noticed you were becoming an unhealthy coping mechanism for him. You knew it wasn't healthy.

But Angel wasn't going to just let you ignore him... Not after all he's gone through.

He didn't care how unhealthy it was. Angel knew he needed you. You helped him get rid of the pain.

Like an addict to a drug... He needed to stay beside you to forget about Val.

"It's an honor for someone such as me to take you in and love you!" Angel yells, his voice in a hiss. "Do you know how in demand I am!? You're lucky I give this much care to you!"

Angel knew deep down he was corrupted. Every sinner was, especially someone like him whose always around Valentino of all people. As much as he hated to admit it... He was acting the same way Valentino acts around him towards you.

"Are you just going to ignore me...?" Angel seethes, laughing softly when you back away from him. "Really now? You act all sweet then abandon me in my darkest moments...."

"I don't mean to, Angel-" You frown. "You've just... This has all been unhealthy lately and-"

"We might need a break?" Angel clicks his tongue, glaring at you. Despite this... You still see a certain softness in his eyes. "Hell no. Healthy? When is any relationship healthy in Hell?"

Angel Dust steps closer, wrapping himself around you in an attempt to feel your warmth. You can tell he's drunk and it appears ranting to Husk didn't work. You push your friend a bit, but he tightens his grip with an annoyed groan.

"Do you know how hard it is to wear a facade? Just to get people to like you!?"Angel growls, "I'm so fucking tired of playing these games!"

"Angel, please! You're a mess...!" You plead, unable to pry the demon off you as you fall onto the couch.

"With you, I don't have to play pretend!" Angel cries out, grip unrelenting. He's in a haze... Unable to think properly. "I can be myself..." You feel his grip loosen... "I don't have to act with you, I don't need to play a role... I just get to have your comfort."

You frown when he slips off you a bit, leaning against you as tears spill down his cheeks. He hated being vulnerable... But he felt he could do that with you. Which is why...

"You can't leave me alone!" Angel sobs, "You can hate me if you want... I don't care...."

He looks you in the eyes... You can see the hurt in his gaze. You don't want to encourage him. However... You find yourself giving into his emotional manipulation.

He really has learned from the best at it.

"Being alone is worse than you hating me." Angel admit, pulling himself closer against you. He perks up when you embrace him... Hiding the grin on his face.

"I don't hate you...." You whisper, the demon watching you closely with watery eyes. "I just wish... You had an easier way to cope."

"You're better than any drink or drug, doll." Angel winks, grinning softly. Even if you were just friends... He was always so affectionate. "Not sure what I'd do without you...."

You stay silent as Angel busies himself with holding you. Truthfully, he'd rather die again than give you up. Part of him feels bad for using you...

Yet he's used to it. Perhaps he's learned more from Val than most think...

"You should feel lucky to have me...."

[ourdawnishotterthanourday]

F*ck My Thighs [M] — Lee Seokmin

!! IT IS FINALLY HERE !!

✧ In honor of Lee Seokmin's king god general emperor majesty pretty beautiful gorgeous precious elegant luxury world high top class THIGHS ✧

Ever since you started working at XTREMEGEAR, you’ve been hopelessly obsessed with Lee Seokmin...god damn Lee Seokmin and his fucking divine thighs. You didn’t think you’d ever stand a chance with him. But when your company forces you to go to a sports and wellness retreat with the whole HR department, you discover that you haven’t been as discreet about your little crush as you thought you were.

✧ Genre: workplace au; SMUT [18+], fluff, slight angst (if you squint??) ��� Pairing: female!reader x co-worker!Lee Seokmin ✧ Word count: 17.2K+ (oops...?) ✦ Warnings: reader has an unhealthy obsession with dk's thighs and arms (honestly same), swearing, mentions of alcohol, drinking games, intoxication, some jealousy, small mention of reader comparing herself to another female co-worker, dk being a tease — pls let me know if I missed any :) ✎ Notes: 1) nsfw warnings below the cut! 2) small project where? lol 3) those arm pics were like a literal gift from god, so of course i HAD to add a little arm kink into the fic as well....ARGH!!! it's going to be the death of me someday.... 4) i also added the itinerary at the end of the fic in case you're curious OR check it out here ♕ Shout out: special thanks to @forsythe-lll and @fugaciousserendipity for your valuable input ♡!

♡ REBLOGGING AND/OR FEEDBACK WOULD BE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED — DON'T BE A STRANGER PLS ♡

nsfw warnings: outdoor/public sex, thigh worship, thigh riding, fingering, slight degradation, pussy eating, squirting, unprotected sex, creampie (pls let me know if I missed any!)

“You’re drooling again,” Soonyoung’s voice sounded in your ears, startling you in your desk chair.

Reluctantly, you ripped your eyes away from the purple-haired man that you’d been observing and turned your attention to your brown-haired co-worker.

“I am not,” you grumbled, feeling a little embarrassed that you’d been caught. But then again, it wasn’t the first time that Soonyoung had caught you doing exactly that.

Your co-worker could only smirk at your poor rebuttal. “Right. Then tell me why there’s drool in the corner of your mouth.”

You gasped, your hands quickly moving up to wipe at the corners of your mouth. “What? Where?” Only there was no drool. Ugh, why did you even fall for that...again? “You’re so annoying, you know that?” you sighed, shooting Soonyoung an irritated look.

“Whatever. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t get any work done.”

A desperate sigh left your lips at the truth of his statement. “I know...but he looks so good today. And I think he’s been working out more frequently, because his thighs look even more delectable than usual,” you said, once again shifting your gaze to the man you’d been crushing on for as long as you can remember.

Soonyoung wrinkled his nose at your tmi and cleared his throat rather loudly, pulling your attention back to him. “You need to get laid. Soon. Or I’m afraid you might start creaming yourself on the spot and end up getting fired.”

“Shut up, it’s not that bad,” you scowled, giving his shoulder a playful push.

“Really?” Soonyoung threw a pointed look your way. “Do you want the boss to catch you slacking again?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I’m still traumatized,” you groaned, burying your head into your hands as your mind flashed back to that embarrassing moment.

It was only a few months ago when your boss had scolded you for missing a deadline in front of the entire department. What he didn’t know was that you missed it because you’d been too busy ogling and obsessing over your sexy co-worker all week.

“Well, you better get it together then. If you don’t want our other colleagues to think that you’re a sex-crazed weirdo obsessed with a certain co-worker’s thighs, you might wanna rethink your strategy before Friday.” Soonyoung frowned at your puzzled look. “You didn’t forget about the retreat, right?”

Fuck. The company retreat. You actually had momentarily forgotten about that little thing.

Three whole days in the forest with your smoking hot co-worker and no way to get yourself off in private when he did something to turn you on – this was definitely an issue, considering that nearly everything the man did was arousing to you.

In other words, you were doomed. Fucking doomed.

When you first started at XTREMEGEAR, you’d been super motivated to start your first real full-time job. All those years of studying had finally paid off and landed you this job on the project implementation team of the HR department.

You met Soonyoung on your first day and the two of you had immediately clicked. Just like you, he’d been a newbie, so you got to lean on each other a lot during the initial trainee period – because working in corporate was no joke.

Now two years later, you were practically inseparable – both at work and outside of it. You were grateful to have someone like Soonyoung by your side and you truly considered him to be one of your best friends, if not your best friend. Most of your colleagues and other friends naturally assumed you were dating, but you were both always quick to burst their bubbles. You loved Soonyoung, you really did, but dating him was out of the question.

Being this close to him meant that you’d heard and seen enough things over the past two years that you came to the conclusion that you’d be better off as friends. Besides, you had your eyes set on someone else, a certain co-worker that made your work life so much more enjoyable, but also so much harder.

Lee Seokmin.

The first time you saw him was about four days into your traineeship. He’d been on leave for a few days, but during his absence, you’d already heard enough about him to make you wonder what kind of person he was.

According to your seniors, he was considered one of the department’s best assets. Despite the fact that he’d only started working at XTREMEGEAR a year prior to your arrival, he’d left such a good impression on the higher ups that he got promoted to project leader after only seven months on the job.

Initially, it had confused you that literally no one had a bad word to say about him – even the ones that were his seniors. But everything made sense as soon as Seokmin walked into the meeting room that morning.

He was a natural. The way he carried himself, the way he talked, the way he treated his co-workers, everything about him just screamed employee of the month in the most positive sense.

And that was only half of it. In your eyes, the man was a literal god, carved out just like one of those ancient Greek sculptures from back in the day – every detail carefully thought out and nothing out of place, just perfect.

His gorgeous smile alone had the ability to light up the darkest room, and in combination with those radiant eyes of his, you didn’t understand how anyone could ever be upset in his presence.

When he blessed you with that bright smile for the first time, you thought you were about to die on the spot from the way your heart had started to pound inside your chest. He’d been so sweet and flirty even, throwing you the occasional wink while explaining the ins and out of the project team and leaning over your shoulder as he showed you how to use the computer, all of it slowly driving you insane and making you think that you actually stood a chance with him.

But as the days passed, you saw him do it to another female co-worker, and another, which made you realize that that was just his personality. Seokmin was a natural flirt and he was completely oblivious to the impact of his actions.

It didn’t really help that he always looked like a sexy CEO from one of those K-drama’s, especially when he was in his element – the sleeves of his white dress shirt rolled up, providing you with a perfect view of the veins running all over his muscular arms. You may or may not have fantasized about tracing them with your fingers (and *cough* tongue) on multiple occasions.

And then his thighs. God...his thighs. They were no doubt your favorite part about him. Although most people wouldn’t necessarily describe Seokmin as a big guy, it was very obvious that he worked out – the man did not skip a single leg day.

Before coming to XTREMEGEAR, you never would have thought a pair of thighs could have this hold on you, but there was just something about Seokmin’s thighs that made you go absolutely feral. It was at the point now where the mere sight of his tight black dress pants clinging onto his beautiful toned upper legs was enough to have you dripping in your seat.

Soonyoung always liked to tease you about that one time you literally drooled onto your desk because you’d been so fixated on the man’s luscious thighs. At that time, Seokmin had sat himself down onto another colleague’s desk to have a chat about god knows what. And although the action in itself hadn’t been provocative at all, with the way his thighs had appeared even thicker and more fuckable than ever in that position, your thoughts started to drift to a not-so-innocent place – apparently you’d gotten so lost in your little fantasy world that you forgot to swallow your own saliva, much to Soonyoung’s amusement.

It surprised you again and again that one man could make you so horny for him all the damn time. You couldn’t even remember a day where you hadn’t left the office with a pair of soaked panties. And it was all because your mind constantly kept drifting to the man’s thighs and how good they would feel between your legs.

You’d honestly lost count of the number of scenarios you’d come up with that involved him ruining you in the filthiest possible ways. At the top was definitely the one where he’d drag you into the supply closet and force you to ride his godly thighs until they were drenched in your juices – and you nothing but a moaning mess for him to use however he pleased.

Was it wrong to fantasize about a co-worker like this? Hell yes. Did that stop you from doing so? Fuck no. Lee Seokmin was like a drug, your personal drug...and you needed your daily fix of him to stop yourself from going insane.

Despite some moments of weakness, you were usually pretty good at refraining yourself from completely succumbing to your desire when you were at the office. However, there had been that one time – definitely your lowest moment according to Soonyoung – where you had to excuse yourself to the bathroom just so you could make yourself cum.

The sight of Seokmin’s sweaty form exiting the company gym in a pair of shorts that did nothing to hide his delicious thighs had been too much for you so early in the morning. That, in combination with the killer smile he’d thrown your way while he wiped the sweat from his forehead, had pushed you to your fucking limit.

Just your luck, one of your female co-workers had entered the bathroom while you were mid-orgasm, two of your fingers deep inside your sopping cunt and your mind filled with thoughts of Seokmin wrecking you on his thighs.

It had taken everything in you not to moan out loud as your body shivered in delight, your walls tightly gripping onto your greedy digits and your legs nearly giving out at the overwhelming waves of pleasure – all while your co-worker was doing her business in the stall right beside yours.

Of course, Soonyoung had immediately caught on when you finally returned to your desk after that suspiciously long ‘bathroom break’. The way he’d smirked at you told you that you were never going to live this down. But you’d already accepted that the moment you gave into your urges.

Your best friend knew you like the back of his hand, so trying to hide anything from him was useless. He always managed to find out one way or another.

The way he was so in your business was annoying at times, but you also knew that without Soonyoung, you’d have been fired a long time ago. He kept you on your toes, reminded you about important deadlines and pulled you back to reality when you were trapped in one of your fantasies again.

You liked your job, you really did. But whenever Seokmin was around, which was basically every day, you seemed to forget everything else that mattered. It was like you were stuck in this never-ending cycle and it was only a matter of time before you would make a fool out of yourself.

Like on this damn company retreat.

Currently, you were stuck on a bus with about twenty of your colleagues, including Seokmin, who was sitting only a few seats away from you and Soonyoung.

It felt like you were back in high school all over again, but this time with a bunch of grown ass adults. The sounds coming from the colleagues sitting in the back of the relatively small bus strongly reminded you of the rowdy ‘cool’ kids who always annoyed the shit out of you, whereas the front of the bus was significantly quieter, with the occasional raising of voices or laughter interrupting the peaceful atmosphere.

You didn’t really understand why the higher-ups thought that it was a good idea to send the HR team to a sports and wellness retreat. The wellness part sounded good, but sports?

Yes, you were well aware that your company offered boot camps and developed outdoor gym and fitness equipment, but you’d chosen the HR department for a reason – it didn’t involve exercise.

Still, here you were, forced to participate in various activities that would end up with you drenched in sweat and looking less than classy.

That wasn’t even the worst, though. No. Lee fucking Seokmin would be there to see you looking like a damn mess and there was nothing you could do about it.

And then you hadn’t even thought about how you were going to deal with Seokmin in his workout clothes. If what you’d seen him wear at the company gym was anything to go by, then Soonyoung would probably have to arrange your funeral by the end of the trip.

Normally, you tended to avoid Seokmin when you felt yourself start to spiral a little too far down into your sexual fantasies - you didn’t need another ‘bathroom’ incident. And though it proved to be challenging at times when he was literally your team’s project leader, working at such a large company as XTREMEGEAR did have its advantages: the building was huge and there were many places for you to ‘hide’ without seeming too suspicious.

But this trip was going to make all of that practically impossible. The whole theme revolved around team building and doing everything together, so you couldn’t exactly skip out just because you couldn’t handle being around your hot co-worker. Plus, the last thing you needed was another reason for your boss to hate you.

And then those goddamn sleeping arrangements. When you first heard that you’d be sharing a big room with the rest of your female colleagues, you wanted to scream on the spot. You’d expected some form of sharing, but everyone together in a single room sounded like absolute hell.

Yejun, one of the seniors who’d helped organize the trip, had said that it would be “a great opportunity to bond with each other”, but all you could think about while she was talking was the fact that you wouldn’t have any privacy for three days and no way to cum without the risk of anyone catching you.

You honestly couldn’t give a shit about improving your lifestyle or some stupid team building activities, especially when you knew that at the end of this trip, all you’d be left with was stress, increased blood pressure and lots of frustration...sexual frustration to be precise.

Was it too late to fake an illness?

“What’s up with that face? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were constipated,” Soonyoung’s voice snapped you out of your thought bubble.

Laughter erupted from the front of the bus, drawing your attention away from your best friend before you could retort. Seokmin was joking around with one of your male co-workers, a big smile plastered onto his handsome face.

He’d exchanged his usual office attire with a casual one – an azure blue hoodie and some light gray sweats. Thank god for those sweats, because you didn’t think you could have handled those muscular thighs being on display when you hadn’t even arrived at your destination yet.

It wasn’t fair. He was the sole reason you were currently in the middle of an existential crisis whereas he was having the time of his life, totally oblivious to the effect he had on you.

“Soonyoung, I can’t do this,” you whined softly, shifting your gaze back to him.

“Yes, you can. Remember the breathing exercises? Just do this. In...and out...in...and out,” Soonyoung responded, followed by a demonstration of the video he’d found online and sent to you a day ago.

“Shut up! This is not a fucking joke,” you hissed as you flicked the side of his head.

“Ow!” he exclaimed rather loudly, gaining the attention of several of your co-workers sitting in your vicinity. Fortunately, they were used to your bickering and antics, so they were quick to return to their own conversations. “You know, for someone who wants to keep things on the down-low, you sure know how to attract a crowd,” your best friend grumbled as he rubbed his now sore temple.

“Then you might want to cut the crap and help me.”

“Didn't I tell you to come up with a game plan before today?”

“Yes? But nothing is going to prepare me for this...him,” you sighed, leaning into Soonyoung so that you could sneak another peek at the reason for your suffering.

The pair of black-rimmed glasses resting on his nose was something new, only making him that much more mouthwatering – and okay, you wished that he hadn’t decided to make this fashion move at a time when you needed to keep your thirst under control, but you weren’t complaining.

“We could always go back to the breathing exercises,” Soonyoung responded, causing you to lean back into your seat.

“That video was meant for pregnant women and I’m not pregnant,” you emphasized, wondering if he’d gone crazy – well, crazier than he already was.

The man beside you wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “You might be by the end of this trip.”

“You ar- No.” You shook your head while turning your body towards the window. “I’m not talking to you anymore.”

“Oh come on, Y/N,” he begged, pulling at your arm, but you refused to budge. “Okay, here. How about this? Any time you feel like it gets too much or want me to rescue you, just throw me a subtle wink.”

You looked at him as if he’d grown two heads.

“Really? You know I can’t wink for shit, so how do you expect me to do that subtly?”

“Right. I forgot you kinda look like a psycho when you try to wink,” he chuckled, after which he tried to imitate your awful wink.

“Not. Helping,” you huffed, poking his stomach repeatedly, knowing full well that he was extremely ticklish there.

“Okay, okay,” he giggled and grabbed a hold of your hand to halt your tickle attack. “How about you tap your nose instead?” he suggested, using his free hand to demonstrate it to you.

With a nod, you leaned back in your seat, already feeling slightly more at ease now that there was some type of escape set in place. “I can do that.”

“Great. Now, I’ll help you get through these three days, so just relax and don’t worry. I won’t leave your side for even a second.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.”

As soon as you’d gotten off the bus, the sight that greeted you was a huge modern log cabin – if you could even call it that – with many large glass windows decorating its walls, making it easy for the light to penetrate the spacious inside. Surrounding the cabin was a vast verdant forest, the vibrant colors of the trees and other greenery emanating a sense of peace and calmness that you hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

At first glance, you noted that it was much smaller than you’d expected from a retreat, but to be honest, you hadn’t really known what to expect from a sports and wellness retreat that was located in the forest.

The inside of the cabin was rather intimate and had a homey feeling to it – there was a huge and bright entrance hall that led into the living room, with a cozy fireplace that spread a pleasant warmth throughout the entire cabin.

After dropping off your luggage in your designated rooms and taking some time to freshen up – you were still salty about having to share with eight female colleagues, but whatever – the owner, Kim Minji, had been kind enough to give you a tour of the entire retreat.

You’d learned that there was a small indoor gym with some equipment and a separate space for group activities such as yoga, an indoor pool and a jacuzzi, both of which had you imagining what a half-naked Seokmin would look like – mouthwatering, no doubt. Aside from that, located right next to the forest, was a large open field that could be used for outdoor sports and lastly, there were three small outdoor sauna cabins, each a different type for you to try out.

Despite being skeptical and anxious about this whole trip, at least you were glad to know that your co-workers had managed to find a place that would allow you to properly enjoy yourselves during the scheduled free time.

But you knew you shouldn’t have trusted a word coming out of Kwon Soonyoung’s mouth.

Because how the hell did you end up on kitchen duty with no one other than Lee Seokmin while your best friend, the one who said he wouldn’t leave your side, was nowhere to be found?

Except for your near-breakdown on the bus, everything about the trip had been going great until this exact moment.

As promised, Soonyoung had stuck by your side the whole time, making sure to keep you at a safe distance from Seokmin and grabbing your attention when he noticed your eyes lingering a little too long on the purple-haired man.

Even during the free time, it had been fairly easy to avoid the man. You and Soonyoung had done a little exploring around the cabin, deciding to leave the pool and the sauna for another time – the fact that Soonyoung had overheard Seokmin wanting to check out the pool with a bunch of your colleagues had definitely played a role in that.

But then Seojoon, the other senior that had helped organize this whole thing, had gathered you in the living room for the next item on the itinerary. Dread had taken over your body when he announced that several of you would be assigned to tonight’s dinner shift.

Why had no one informed you about this?

Apparently, Yejun had, but back then you’d been stressing about the sleeping arrangements, so everything had gone in one ear and out the other.

And of course, luck wasn’t on your side, which was why you were currently standing in the kitchen with five of your co-workers, one of them being Lee Seokmin.

Okay, so technically, Soonyoung hadn’t broken his promise to you, but that didn’t matter right now. You were freaking the fuck out.

“Hey, Y/N! Wanna help me with the pizza dough?” Fuck. Why was he talking to you?

“Me? I-I’m not sure if I’m the right person for that though. I probably should uh,” you looked around as you felt yourself starting to panic even more, looking for any excuse to say no, “help Yejun and Seojoon prep the toppings. There’s a lot left.” You pointed to the large bag of vegetables that still needed to be cut.

Your senior quickly shook her head after hearing your words.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. We got this. Hyunwoo and Mina are working on the sauce, so you can help Seokmin. That way we’re even pairs,” Yejun smiled.

“Sure.” You forced a smile in return, but at the same time, you were mentally cursing her for putting you in this stressful situation. If only she had any idea about the inner turmoil you were experiencing right now.

Reluctantly, you slowly made your way over to Seokmin, who was now watching you with an amused smile.

When you finally dared to take a good look at him, regret washed over you almost immediately. He looked so fucking good with his hair slightly messy and still a little wet, presumably from the shower he’d taken. The glasses he’d worn in the bus were now gone, just like his azure blue hoodie, which had been replaced by a beige oversized zip up hoodie that looked just as amazing on him.

All in all, he looked like a snack...and you wanted to eat him.

“Don’t be afraid. I don’t bite,” he teased, gently nudging your side after you’d come to a stop beside him. “Only if you want me to,” he mumbled, leaning in a little closer so that only you would be able to hear.

“What?” you squeaked, your eyes widening at the implication behind his words. Your whole body tensed up, completely frozen as you attempted to process what what you’d just heard – you felt ashamed to admit it, but his words had gone straight down to your pussy, your panties already feeling slightly sticky from the arousal that had seeped out.

Seokmin, who was totally unaware of what he’d just done, simply laughed at your expression and reached over to grab a big bowl. “Just kidding. Come on, loosen up a little. We’re not at work, so we’re allowed to have some fun.”

Your cheeks started to heat up in response. “Yeah,” you muttered, embarrassed that you’d already managed to make a fool out of yourself only a few hours into the trip. God, he probably thought you were super lame.

“Then let’s make some pizza dough,” Seokmin clapped his hands excitedly before offering the kitchen scale to you.

After taking a deep breath, you felt a little more confident and reached out to take it from him. “Sounds good,” you responded, trying to ignore the way your pussy was throbbing with need for the man.

Just calm down, Y/N. He’s completely covered, no bare thighs, no bare arms. What could go wrong?

And surprisingly, it was actually fine for a while. With your nerves and horny thoughts pushed aside for the time being, the both of you worked together to create several batches of dough while joking around with the other four co-workers that were doing their own little tasks.

The point where it all changed was when Seokmin started to roll out that damn pizza dough.

“Aish, I should have thought of this before,” he muttered, pulling your attention from the recipe that you’d looked up on your phone. “Could you maybe help me take it off?” He was looking at you expectantly now.

“T-Take off what?” you stuttered, feeling the nerves settle back into your body. This was so not going in the right direction.

“My hoodie, it’s getting dirty. And my hands are kinda preoccupied, but yours are still clean,” he answered, showing his dough-covered hands.

Fucking hell. “O-Okay,” you stammered, your hands shaking as you moved in closer. He probably thought that you weren’t moving fast enough, because suddenly he was right in front of you, only inches separating the two of you.

From this position, the faint scent of his perfume invaded your nostrils. He smelled so refreshing, slightly citrusy but with a little hint of honeylike sweetness, the combination of which instantly made you feel like you were floating on cloud nine. It was probably the closest you’d ever been to him and you understood why. Thinking straight was nearly impossible.

“Y/N?” Seokmin’s smooth voice pulled you back to reality.

“Yeah, sorry,” you cleared your throat softly, refusing to meet his eyes. If you did, you’d no doubt give yourself away. So instead, you moved your eyes to the zipper that was holding the whole thing together.

With slightly clammy and shaky hands, you grabbed a hold of the zipper, slowly tugging it down as it suddenly dawned on you that you were practically unwrapping your hot co-worker like a present – the thought had you unconsciously clench your thighs together, your pussy already throbbing again.

Seokmin chuckled, interrupting your train of dirty thoughts. “It’s not gonna break, you know?”

“Right,” you hummed, your trembling fingers tugging at it a little harder until you’d reached the end, revealing the white shirt he was wearing beneath it.

“Now could you…?” he asked, making a shrugging motion to indicate that he wanted the whole thing off.

You could only nod, still refusing to meet his eyes. The sooner you’d get this done, the sooner you’d be able to go back to the dough and forget about the pool of slick that was now starting to form in your panties.

Forcing yourself to push the hoodie off his shoulders, you struggled to hold back a whimper at the view that greeted you. He was wearing a goddamn sleeveless t-shirt and there was no way to go around those deliciously toned arms that you’d dreamed about so many times. The skin of his arms was so smooth and slightly tanned, which made it all the much harder to take your eyes off them – he was really living up to his god-like status.

It was absolute torture trying not to trace your fingers over those prominent veins when you were this close, but you tried to control yourself...you had to. The last thing you wanted was for Seokmin to think that you were some perv that couldn’t keep her hands to herself.

Your heart was pounding against your chest by the time you’d managed to take the whole thing off, the man in front of you leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination with his arms on full display.

“Thanks, Y/N. Much better,” he sighed, rolling his broad shoulders before resuming his work on the dough he’d been rolling out.

“No problem,” you croaked, quickly turning back to your own workspace before you could do anything else to embarrass yourself.

For the next ten minutes or so, the urge to watch Seokmin rolling out the pizza dough was big, so big that you kept on having to repeat the words don’t look over and over in your mind in an attempt to keep your nasty thoughts about the man beside you at bay. But that also meant that you were extremely distracted and very behind on your own pizza dough.

“Are you two hurrying up with that dough or what?” Mina suddenly called from the other side of the kitchen.

“We’re on it! But perfection takes time though,” Seokmin responded, pulling a few laughs out of your other co-workers.

“It better be or we’ll never live it down. The others are already complaining about being hungry,” Hyunwoo snickered from next to Mina.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be the best pizza they’ve ever had. Right, Y/N?” Seokmin asked from beside you.

“Uh, yeah,” you mumbled, a frown forming onto your face as you struggled to form the perfect pizza circle. Whereas Seokmin was a natural at this, you were a disaster. This was exactly the reason why you preferred to order pizza instead of making it from scratch.

“God dammit,” you cursed as you messed up once again. With the dough being too sticky, it immediately fell apart as soon as you tried to transfer it onto one of the metal pizza pans.

“Here, let me show you an easy trick.” Your breath hitched in your throat when Seokmin suddenly appeared right next to you, his bare arm pressed against your own as he grabbed the piece of dough that you’d been working with.

Anything that came out of his mouth after that was lost on you. All you could focus on was the way his arm felt against your own, flexing every time he used the muscles in his hand to knead the dough into a ball before rolling it into a perfect circle with the rolling pin.

You couldn’t help yourself. The need to admire him was bigger than the voice in your head that tried to convince you that ogling your co-worker with a room full of witnesses was a bad idea. That’s why, after making sure that your other colleagues were preoccupied, you dared to sneak a peek at Seokmin.

Your eyes took in everything they could, greedily trailing over his form and coming to a stop at his arms, which had become even more veiny due to the constant force he was using to roll out the dough. You were practically salivating at this point, completely lost in your own world as your attention was drawn to the most prominent vein on the arm closest to you – it started at his wrist and went all the way up his forearm, until it disappeared back into his golden skin.

If you would have moved your hand just slightly, you’d have been able to touch-

“Think you can do it yourself now?” Seokmin asked, completely catching you off guard with his sudden question.

Your eyes shot up to his, his dark brown orbs bright and sparkling as he waited for your response. Had he caught you checking him out? At least if he did, he didn’t really let it show.

Nodding your head quickly, you stammered out a “Y-Yes, thank you.”

He just hummed, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips as he made his way back to his spot, leaving you with your pile of dough and no recollection of what he’d just explained to you.

God dammit, you should have paid attention.

“I’m telling you, Soonyoung. I never want to do that again. It was torture being this close to him and having to act like a normal person who doesn’t want to jump his bones!”

While nearly everyone was setting up for the last activity of the day – the drinks – you’d informed Soonyoung about everything that had happened during your kitchen duty.

“But the question is, did you cream yourself?”

“Soonyoung…” you warned, threatening to flick his head again by raising your fingers up to his temple.

“What? Just checking!” he retorted, holding his hands up in defense. “But hey look, you survived with only a few embarrassing moments, so I call that a win.”

“I guess, but ugh,” you groaned, burying your face into your hands. “He must think I’m so lame. You should have seen me. I made a fucking fool out of myself.”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes at your statement. “Don’t be so dramatic. It probably wasn’t even that bad. Now get off your butt and let’s have some fun. It’s not everyday we get to enjoy free drinks like this!”

“You’re right,” you sighed, letting him pull you off the lawn chair you’d been sitting in. “Just don’t drink too much, because I know how you get and I need you tonight.”

The man slung an arm around your shoulder, a wide grin on his face as the both of you made your way back into the cabin. “I’ll try, but there are free drinks so no promises.”

“Oh boy,” you sighed, not having a very good feeling about this.

And of course, your feelings had been very valid.

After only one shot of tequila and two beers, Soonyoung had transformed into an emotional drunken mess, making him pretty much useless to you.

Your best friend was known for not being able to hold his liquor, so why did you expect it to be any different tonight? So much for him being your knight in shining armor.

Between being forced to take care of a drunk Soonyoung and having to watch Seokmin flirt with your female co-workers, your night was officially ruined.

From where you were sitting on the couch, you had a perfect view of Seokmin, who was being a little too friendly with Mina in your opinion. You hated how close he was standing to her, and how he kept shooting her that million-dollar smile every time she said something funny. And you definitely hated the way Mina was eating it all up, being all giggly and playing with her hair while seemingly moving closer and closer as the evening progressed – you could have sworn that you even saw her feel up his arm at some point.

Jealousy. That’s what you felt as you watched your two co-workers interact with each other. You knew that you had no right to feel like that, because Seokmin wasn’t yours to begin with. Still, you couldn’t help but wish that it was you in Mina’s spot, wanting to be the one on the receiving end of that gorgeous smile and those flirtatious eyes that made you want to throw yourself at him every single time.

Of course he’d never go for you, because what were you thinking? Mina was gorgeous and you were average at best, at least that’s how you would describe yourself. According to Soonyoung, however, you were “too hot for your own good and anyone would be lucky to have you”. But he was your best friend, so of course he would say that. Seokmin was out of your league and that was the cold hard truth.

In an attempt to get rid of the bitter taste in your mouth, you’d resorted to alcohol since that was the only thing available. You did several shots with Hyunwoo and Seojoon, followed by a couple of beers, opting to distract yourself by talking to them while simultaneously keeping an eye on Soonyoung, who was sprawled out on the couch for most of it.

Seokmin was still talking to Mina and two other female colleagues who must have joined at some point, but you found yourself slowly starting to care less and less as the familiar buzz of the shots and beers you had consumed settled in.

“Y/N, ’m thirsty. Gimme beer,” Soonyoung slurred from beside you, his hand awkwardly landing on your chest as he tried to get your attention.

“Ow, watch it!” you exclaimed, pushing his hand off your sore chest. “And I’m not giving you any more alcohol. Water is all you’re going to get.”

That pulled a little whine from your best friend, his lips forming into a pout. “Want beer,” he sniffed, now on the verge of crying.

Your eyes rolled in response. “Just stay put, drama queen. I’ll be right back with your water. Please keep an eye on him for me,” you told Hyunwoo, who offered you a thumbs up and a goofy grin as you scooted off the couch.

It was only when you stood up that you felt the effects of the alcohol really set in. Your head felt heavy and the room was slightly spinning as you tried to steady yourself. Those shots and beers had definitely done a number on your balance.

With some effort, you managed to get to the kitchen, but just as you were about to open the door, it bust wide open, followed by two male co-workers storming out with a bunch of beers in their arms, screaming about god knows what.

Because you hadn’t expected them to show up out of nowhere, you stumbled back in surprise, the action causing you to lose your balance.

Out of instinct, you reached for the nearest thing behind you, bracing yourself for the impact that surprisingly never came – a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist from behind, preventing you from falling flat on your ass.

“Careful there. Wouldn’t want to hurt yourself on the first day, hmm?” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your left ear, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine. Wait, Seokmin? Hadn’t he just been standing on the other side of the room?

“Shit, sorry! I’m so clumsy,” you groaned, realizing that you had actually grabbed onto him in your panic – his. fucking. thigh.

Were you actually dreaming right now? Though the fabric of his sweats was separating your hand from his beefy thigh, it was enough to get you riled up, especially with the alcohol that was currently flowing through your system. It was so tempting to just...squeeze. And you almost did, but then Seokmin spoke up.

“You good, Y/N?”

You blinked a few times before quickly ripping away your hand. “Huh? Yeah, fine. Thanks,” you muttered, heat creeping up your cheeks once again when you realized his arms were still around your waist.

“You sure?” he asked as he gently pushed you back onto your feet before removing his arms.

“Yep! Gotta go take care of Soonyoung now, though. Thanks!”

And then you were gone, leaving him standing there as you made a beeline for the kitchen. Any longer in his presence and you would have combusted on the spot.

One thing was for sure, you concluded as you stuck your head in the fridge to cool yourself down. The feeling of his muscular thigh in your hand was going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Team building games. What a fucking waste of time. A super-sized memory game? A game of tug-of-war? A three-legged race? It all sounded like a fucking nightmare.

Who the hell wanted to see a bunch of adults run around like that? You’d much rather try out one of the saunas or do some more exploring around the cabin with Soonyoung.

But it seemed like you were one of the few who wasn’t totally excited about the prospect of having to participate in a bunch of games for three long hours – well, apart from Soonyoung, who looked and felt like he’d been hit by a truck. That’s what he got for abandoning you...again.

This morning had been rough, both for Soonyoung and you. Whereas Soonyoung was suffering from a severe case of hangover, you had to deal with the aftermath of your little encounter with Seokmin.

You’d barely gotten any sleep, your mind going over every single thing that had happened that day, in particular your near fall. The way his strong arms had wrapped around your waist had you wanting to kick your legs in the air. He’d been so close to you, even closer than in the kitchen, and it had felt amazing to have him all pressed up against you. Not to mention those damn thighs. Now that you’d had a taste of what they’d felt like, you only wanted more. You were seriously contemplating faking another fall, just to recreate that scene.

At least today, luck seemed to be a little more on your side. You were fortuitous enough to not be paired up with Seokmin for any of the team building activities, but that didn’t mean that you were in the clear...not at all.

The sweats he’d worn yesterday had been replaced with a pair of black nylon shorts that hugged his tan legs in all the right places – in other words, it was going to be a long afternoon.

“Y/N, stop drooling,” Soonyoung warned, snapping his fingers in front of your face.

Seokmin and his other two team members were currently having a tug-of-war match with three of your other male co-workers. If you thought watching Seokmin flex his thighs during the three-legged race was torture, then this was on a whole different level you didn’t even know existed.

“I’m trying, but look at him. I don’t know where to fucking look. The arms, the thighs or the fucking sweat dripping down his neck,” you stated before running your tongue over your bottom lip.

“Maybe don’t focus on him at all? Just a little tip?” your best friend suggested, waving his hand in front of your face.

Annoyed, you grabbed his hand, pulling it down since it was obstructing your view. “He’s like a magnet pulling me in. I can’t look away,” you said, just as Seokmin and the other two males started to cheer at having won the round.

“Fucking hell,” Soonyoung groaned as you suddenly started to squeeze the living shit out of his hand. “Are you trying to get my hand amputated or what?” he grumbled, trying to pry your fingers off.

“He’s really trying to kill me. Yah, you better start planning my funeral after today,” you whimpered, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, feeling your panties stick to your already slick folds.

The man in question was in the middle of wiping the sweat off his forehead. With a towel you ask? No. He’d lifted up his fucking shirt to wipe it away, giving you the perfect view of what he’d been hiding beneath that piece of fabric. And boy was he packing some mouthwatering abs that made you want to ride him into the next day. Your panties were absolutely soaked.

“You may have to plan mine if you keep squeezing. like. that,” Soonyoung huffed, finally managing to rip his hand free from your deadly grip.

“Would it be too obvious if I snuck away to...you know?” Honestly, another ‘bathroom incident’ didn’t sound so bad right now.

“First of all, gross. Second of all, you’re not leaving me alone with these fanatics.”

“Excuse me? Who are you to make demands like that? Where were you when I needed you yesterday?” you gawked, not believing the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“I know and I apologized for that, multiple times. What do you want me to do? Beg on my knees?”

“Well, if you insist,” you smirked.

“In your dreams,” he shook his head, your smirk disappearing right away. “Anyway, that’s not the point. Just control your damn self for a bit and look away,” Soonyoung scolded, snapping his fingers in front of your face again when your eyes had found their way back to Seokmin.

You threw your head back in frustration “Fine, fine. I’ll try.”

The memory game was luckily uneventful, mainly because it didn’t involve any running or rolling around on the grass. But despite there being no obvious physical component, it didn’t mean that your team was doing much better.

With Soonyoung on your team, winning was completely out of the question. Whereas you and Yejun were pretty good at finding pictures that matched, your best friend kept forgetting where everything was and messed up your score, causing your team to end up in last place when the time ran out. Not that you cared, but your senior was definitely not happy with the man.

Although the memory game offered a little distraction, the whole image of Seokmin’s thighs and abs during the first two games kept flashing through your mind. The whole thing had you worked the fuck up and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the burning desire building up in your abdomen.

Soonyoung had suggested for you to go on a run to clear your mind, which you’d shut down almost immediately. The prospect of more exercise after a day full of activities sounded awful.

But then you overheard your colleagues talking about changing into their swimwear, which led you to think about the scenario of running into a half-naked Seokmin. That quickly got you to reconsider Soonyoung’s suggestion, because you really needed to blow off some steam in a way that wouldn’t have you end up with your fingers in your pussy in a shared bathroom.

So, a run it was.

And apparently, you weren’t the only one thinking of doing exactly that.

“Y/N, wait up!” Not now.

You froze on the spot, your hands stilling mid-air seeing as you’d been about to plug your earbuds in.

“Seokmin?” you asked, watching as he jogged up to you, clad in a pair of shorts and another one of his sleeveless shirts that looked so good that it made you want to punch air.

“Mind if I join you?” Your heart skipped a beat at his question. He wanted to join you?

“On my run?”

“Yes,” he chuckled. “That is what you’re about to do, right?”

Slowly, you nodded your head. “Right.”

“Unless you’d rather go alone...”

You shook your head. “No! Uh- I mean, it’s fine,” you answered quickly, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so eager.

“Great. Let’s go then!” he smiled, jogging ahead before looking back when you still hadn’t moved. “You coming or what?”

“Coming!” you called, groaning internally at the thought of spending the next hour or so with the man you’d been thirsting after for so long.

So much for trying to free your thoughts from Lee Seokmin.

The two of you ran for quite some time, only speaking to each other when necessary – like when you needed to change directions. And it was actually sort of…pleasant?

With Seokmin running right behind you, the whole thing became a lot easier since you weren’t tempted to look at his face. Instead, you allowed yourself to admire the beautiful green scenery around you. The trees seemed to blur as you zoomed past them, twigs and leaves crunching beneath your feet with every step and sweet bird sounds echoing through the dense forest.

Of course, this perfect peaceful moment could only last for so long. The two of you were forced to take a water break when your legs got sore and your throat started to feel dry.

Seokmin was currently retying his shoelaces as you leaned against a big tree, trying to look at anything but him...his arms...his thighs. Spiraling into one of your delusions was not a good idea right now.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” His sudden statement startled you, your body immediately tensing up.

“No, I haven’t,” you countered, automatically shifting your gaze to the leaf-covered forest ground.

“You’re really not as discreet as you think you are, you know?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shrugged, your eyes never straying from the floor beneath you as you tried to maintain your composure.

Seokmin chuckled in response, his voice echoing through the empty forest.

“Do I make you nervous, Y/N?” Yes.

“No,” you answered at the same time that you felt him move in closer.

“Then why is it that you can never seem to look me in the eyes...even now?”

Embarrassment flooded through your body. “That’s not- I don’t only do that with you.” You shook your head.

“You’re a bad liar, you know that? Just admit that I make you nervous,” he murmured, his sneaker-covered feet now coming into view, indicating that he was close...too close.

“You don’t.”

“No? Then why are you shaking?” he questioned, finally caging you in between the large tree and himself. The close proximity had you suck in a breath. The scent of his perfume mixed with the slight smell of sweat sent your mind into a frenzy.

“B-Because it’s cold,” you sputtered, immediately regretting the words as soon as they’d left your mouth. Even you knew how stupid that sounded, especially when you’d just run for almost 2km.

“Look at me, Y/N.” His demanding tone sent another wave of chills through your body.

“Seokmin, please,” you begged, not knowing how much more you could handle before he’d make you crumble. Again, where was Soonyoung when you needed him?

“Please what? All I’m asking is for you to look at me.”

“It’s too much,” you whimpered softly.

Your words were followed by a breathy laugh from the man in front of you. “Because I make you nervous?”

Finally giving in, you raised your head to meet his eyes, his pupils much darker than you remembered. “Yes. Happy now?”

“Wasn’t that hard, right?” he questioned.

“You seem to think you know everything already,” you huffed, trying to seem strong even though you were freaking out on the inside. He hadn’t moved from his position, so you were still trapped in between his arms.

“Because you make it too easy for me. You really think I haven’t noticed you ogling me all this time?” he smirked before continuing. “This trip was the perfect opportunity to confirm my theory.”

“Your what?” you gasped, feeling your soul leave your body. Was he trying to tell you that he’d been trying to test you? “So, yesterday...and today?”

Seokmin watched with an amused smile as you processed his words. “Like I said, you aren’t as discreet as you’d like to believe. You and me ending up together for kitchen duty was not a coincidence. I needed to see you respond to me with my own eyes.”

Kitchen duty...letting you take off his hoodie, those little comments and touches, and then on the field today...had all of it been on purpose? No way. He sure had you fooled with his acting.

Feeling flustered by his sudden ambush, you quickly shook your head. “It’s not what you think. I jus-”

You were cut off by his hand on your cheek, his thumb pressing against your bottom lip and his body pressing you even further into the tree.

“So, what you’re trying to tell me,” he started before his voice dropped an octave at his next words, “is that you don’t make yourself cum to the thought of me?” You pussy clenched in response. “And don’t lie to me, Y/N. I bet your pretty pussy is dripping right now.” His large hands dropped to your waist as he nudged your legs apart with his feet. “Tell me I’m wrong and I’ll stop.”

You were speechless, incapable of forming a single syllable. He was right and you knew that he knew that he was right, but the thought of admitting it out loud made you anxious.

“Nothing?” At the same time, Seokmin raised his right leg between your legs.

“Shit!” you moaned, throwing your head back against the large oak tree at the feeling of his thigh pressing right into your folds, with only the fabric of your black biker shorts and panties separating you from him. The squelching sounds that followed his action told Seokmin exactly what he needed to know.

“Tsk, look at that mess,” he taunted after he’d removed his leg, forcing you to look down at the wet spot that had formed on his dark blue shorts.

“Seokmin,” you whined, your cheeks now hotter than they’d ever felt before.

“How about we do something about that, hmm?” he suggested, putting his fingers underneath your chin to tilt your head. His eyes had darkened significantly – he looked at you as if he was about two seconds away from devouring you whole.

“Please,” you breathed, your voice dripping with desperation for the man despite the embarrassment you felt. The universe had decided that you deserved a chance with Lee Seokmin and you were not about to pass up the opportunity.

His lips were on yours as soon as you’d finished speaking, the taste of him sweet with a hint of saltiness from the sweat that had dripped down his face during the run. You were quick to match his pace, wrapping your arms around his neck to accept his eager tongue inside your mouth.

He was relentless as he devoured you, with his thigh back between your legs and his fingers wiggling underneath your tight sports top. Every single one of his touches sent little bolts of electricity through your body, lighting up a path of fire with the way his fingers danced skillfully across the bare skin of your waist.

You clutched onto his upper arms in an attempt to ground yourself when his fingers suddenly dug deep into your waist. The slight pain that resulted from his roughness pulled a small groan from you that was swallowed by the tongue-filled kiss you were engrossed in. That stinging sensation instantly faded into the background when he started to grind you down onto his flexed thigh, replacing it with a burning desire for more as your clit throbbed from the delicious friction.

“Such a juicy pussy, fucking hell,” Seokmin grunted, giving you some time to recover from his assault on your lips, switching his attention momentarily to help you speed up the movement of your hips. “You like getting off on my thigh that much?”

“Yes yes yes!” you mewled. “So much – don’t stop!” Your mind was an absolute mess as your pussy gushed with slick at every roll of your hips, each drag adding more arousal to Seokmin’s already soaked shorts.

Should anyone have run the same trail, they would have no doubt spotted the two of you doing less than holy things. But you could have cared less. It was just as hot as you’d imagined it and you’d be damned if you let a thought like that stop you.

“Who would have thought you were such a fucking pathetic little slut for my thighs? Look at you,” he sneered, pulling at the back of your head to make you look at him.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” you moaned, your eyes rolling to the back of your head at the feral look in his eyes. You’d imagined him wrecking and calling you the most filthiest names, but to actually hear him say that was like a dream come true. “G-Gon- cum,” you whimpered, digging your nails into the flesh of his sun-kissed arms to brace yourself.

A string of guttural moans left your lips as you finally exploded, bliss taking over your body like an uncontrollable wave that left you with no other choice but to succumb to it. Seokmin was there to catch you, holding you up between himself and the oak tree as he helped you come down from your high, mumbling a bunch of filth into your ear that caused your legs to tremble in excitement.

For a second after that, as your high started to die down, you were overcome with a sense of fear. You were afraid that when you opened your eyes, Seokmin would come back to reality and end this thing right then and there, afraid that you would never get a chance like this again.

But the hand that slowly wiggled into your shorts and panties completely obliterated those pessimistic thoughts, pulling you right back into that feeling of ecstasy as his fingers grazed your sensitive nub – the sound you let out at the action echoed through the trees around you.

“God, you feel even better like this, dripping all over my hand like a filthy whore,” Seokmin growled, teasingly dipping two of his fingers into your heat. You bucked your hips in response, your walls greedily clenching but finding nothing to satiate the ache in your pussy.

“Please...need it,” you whined, desperate for another release.

“What do you need, hmm?” he mused before his lips lightly trailed a path of open mouth kisses down your sweaty neck.

“Your fingers!” you gasped, your nails digging back into his arms as his fingertips circled around your entrance.

“Look at me,” he demanded again, his tone huskier and much more sensual this time. You complied, immediately getting trapped into those dark brown eyes that momentarily made you forget about where you were.

The corners of his lips curled into a smirk when he finally penetrated you with his long digits, allowing him to watch you fall apart from just that simple act. Your mind turned to complete mush when he started to pummel into your sopping cave with a vigor that you didn’t know existed. The obscene sounds it produced would have flustered you if it wasn’t for the fact that you were currently being fingered into the next day by your smoking hot co-worker.

And it wasn’t long before your lips found each other again, your tongues entangled in a passionate dance as Seokmin’s free hand roughly groped your breast over the sports bra you wore underneath your shirt. One of your hands had tangled into his hair while your other was gripping onto the arm that was worshiping your needy cunt – the feeling of those popping veins on his forearm caused you to clench around him just a little harder with your second orgasm approaching fast.

What the-

Your eyes fluttered open at the feeling of what felt like a water drop landing onto your forehead. Seokmin hadn’t seemed to notice as he continued battering his fingers against your gummy walls. Choosing to ignore the little distraction, you closed your eyes again to focus on the man making you feel good.

And it worked for a while, until you felt another droplet, and another. And suddenly it was pouring down. Not even the trees were able to protect the two of you from the cold and aggressive downpour that was already starting to penetrate your clothes.

“Fuck,” Seokmin hissed when he’d abruptly pulled away from your lips, a deep frown now adorning his face. “We need to go. Now.” He looked up at the sky. “This looks like it could become dangerous really fast.”

“B-But...,” you pouted, already feeling your climax ebb further and further away. You’d been so fucking close. Of course something had to ruin your perfect moment. It had all just seemed a little too good to be true.

“I’m not willing to risk our lives, Y/N. Come on.” Despite your protests, Seokmin retreated his fingers from your shorts and wiped them hastily on his shirt before reaching for your hand with the one that hadn’t just been knuckle-deep inside you.

He’d been right though. The sky was now dangerously dark and the faint rumbling sound told you that a storm was definitely not out of the question.

Before you knew it, the two of you were running back to the cabin as fast as you could, all while Seokmin’s hand never left yours. You were glad for that, because the truth was, the whole change in weather terrified you, especially with the thunder and lightning that seemed to get closer and closer by the sound of it.

The cabin was completely dark by the time you arrived, a stark contrast from the bright and sunny place you’d left behind. The two of you were completely drenched as you entered the large hall, bringing a trail of water with you that stained the mahogany floor.

“That was…” you panted, bending forward to lean your hands onto your knees while you tried to slow down your heart rate.

“Intense,” Seokmin finished your sentence.

“Yeah.” You let out a breathy laugh, which was followed by Seokmin’s own laugh. “Do you think the power went out?” you asked after a few seconds, straightening out your body again when you’d slightly calmed down.

“Seems like it,” Seokmin responded. It was so dark that you could barely see his face, even though he was standing right beside you.

And it was quiet, very quiet aside from the thunder roaring outside and the crackling and sputtering sounds coming from what you assumed was the fireplace in the living room. Where was everyone else?

“I guess I’ll try and see if the others are around,” you broke the silence, feeling a sudden need to escape from Seokmin as anxiety crept back into your body – your little escapade in the woods had really come to an end now.

But just as you were about to make your escape, the lights switched back on, followed by the sound of mixed voices quickly coming your way.

“Oh my god, what happened to you guys?!” Hyunwoo exclaimed as he rounded the corner together with Mina, Yejun, Seojoon and your best friend, whose face lit up at the sight of you. You also couldn’t help but catch the confused look on his face as he noticed Seokmin standing beside you.

“Went for a run but got caught up in the rain as you can see,” Seokmin answered for you both.

Only then you managed to get a proper look at him. He was a complete mess, with his hair clinging onto his face and his outfit completely ruined by the rain. You were no doubt in a similar state, if not worse.

“Are you okay? I was worried sick when I couldn’t reach you,” Soonyoung frowned after he’d jogged up to you and examined you for any injuries.

You nodded reassuringly. “I’m sorry. I put my phone on silent and forgot to check, but I’m fine. What happened here though?”

“The power went out because of the storm. Minji needed some help in the basement, so most of us went down to help her get it back on,” Seojoon explained before Soonyoung could open his mouth.

“And some of the others are still napping,” Mina added.

“They can sleep with all this noise?” Seokmin asked.

“Some people can sleep through anything, I guess,” Mina shrugged at the same time you noticed her eyes trail over Seokmin’s wet form, in particular the part where his shirt was now clinging onto his nicely defined abs. You felt a tingle of jealousy at the way she was ogling him, but you reminded yourself that you’d been the one riding his thigh and you’d been the one he’d fingered against a tree not too long ago. No one, not even her, could take that away from you.

“Come on, let’s get you out of these clothes. You might get hypothermia if you stay like this. Let’s go,” Soonyoung interrupted your thoughts.

“Yeah, let’s go,” you nodded, shooting Seokmin a brief glance. Your mood slightly soured as you noticed him talking to Mina, but Soonyoung didn’t give you much time to dwell on it because he was already dragging you away.

“You have a lot of explaining to do, missy.”

That night, you just couldn’t get yourself to fall asleep. Every time you closed your eyes, your mind kept going back to the moment you’d shared with Seokmin. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t seem to forget about the way his soft lips had moved against yours, the feeling of his smooth muscular arms underneath your hands and most importantly, the way his thigh had managed to give you one of the best orgasms of your life.

The things you’d give to do that again. It was pathetic really...how one man could have such a hold on you. But you couldn’t help yourself. You’d now had a proper taste of the drug that was Lee Seokmin and you only craved more and more with each second that passed.

Soonyoung had made it his mission to grill you about your little adventure with Seokmin as soon as your other co-workers were out of earshot. You, being the good friend you were, told him about everything that had happened in the woods, from the moment Seokmin had asked to join your run until the point where he’d made you cum on his thigh, followed by the awful downpour that explained how the two of you had ended up completely drenched in the entrance hall.

Your best friend had been in total shock at your admission – rightfully so – because how the fuck had he missed all the signals? At not a single point in time had the man given him any sort of indication that he was interested in you.

You couldn’t blame Soonyoung, because you were in the exact same boat, which is why you were currently in the kitchen, making your mind work overtime with the way you were overthinking every little thing that had happened so far.

“What are you thinking about?” a deep voice startled you out of your thoughts.

“Seokmin?” You squinted a little since the lights in the kitchen were still off. “Did you follow me here?”

He chuckled in response. “You really think I’d stay up all night just to see if you’d go into the kitchen for some water?”

“I guess not,” you mumbled, feeling stupid for even asking. But then again, you felt like anything was possible with this man.

“Do you mind?” he asked, pointing to the water bottle you were holding. Instead of waiting for your response, he immediately reached forward and twisted the cap off before taking a few sips from your water.

“You could have just grabbed one from the fridge, you know?” you pouted, but couldn’t help but admire the way his Adam’s apple moved every time he swallowed.

He grinned, leaning in closer as he placed the bottle on the counter beside you, his citrusy honeylike smell attacking your nostrils once again. “But sharing is more fun, isn’t it?” God, he was trying to kill you.

“I..uh, am gonna head back to bed,” you stammered, already feeling your nerves get the better of you again.

“Wait.” Seokmin was quick to cage you in between him and the wall located behind you, a sly smirk making its way onto his face. “Answer one question for me first.”

“About what?” you asked carefully, not liking the look on his face.

“The never have I ever game.”

—

“Okay okay! Never have I ever...hooked up with a co-worker,” Seojoon asked when it was his turn.

Your eyes nervously darted through the room as you waited for others to make the first move. Soonyoung, who you knew had had hookups with co-workers before, was quick to take a sip from his beer – being embarrassed was not in his vocabulary. So did Yejun, Hyunwoo and two of your other colleagues before your eyes fell on Seokmin, who slowly raised the cup to his mouth. You could feel your cheeks heat up in response as your mind flashed back to your heated moment in the forest.

“Yah, Lee Seokmin! Tell us right now who and where,” Seojoon demanded, making everyone focus their attention on the man in question.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Seokmin grinned, after which you quickly averted your gaze before the two of you had the chance to meet eyes.

“Wah, who would have thought? Could it be someone in this room?” Hyunwoo teased, followed by several of the others joining him with their own theories.

While everyone was distracted with Seokmin, you hurriedly took a sip from your own drink, hoping that no one would notice. And you thought you got away with it, but then Sana, who was known for being nosy and very observing, started to screech your name, which turned everyone’s attention to you instead.

“Y/N?! You too?!”

“Who? And where?” Mina added.

“No comment,” you grumbled, feeling like you were seconds away from making a run for it as you felt everyone’s eyes bore into you.

Fortunately, Soonyoung was nice enough to notice your discomfort and interrupted the questioning by telling Hyunwoo to hurry and ask the next question. Not that his question was much better. If anything, it was even worse than the first one.

“Never have I ever...masturbated during work hours,” he smirked.

Feeling your body tense up at the question, you again waited for someone else to make the first move. However, this time, a lot less people drank from their cups. Two to be exact – Yejun and Sana. You debated whether you should drink too, but the alcohol that was already running through your system eventually convinced you to do it, surprising most of your co-workers.

“Y/N?!” Sana screeched again.

You nearly whined in annoyance at her reaction. “What? I wasn’t the only one who drank,” you huffed, mentally cursing yourself for being so honest.

“We need a story time, because this is making me curious,” Seojoon chuckled, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

There was no way you were going to share that humiliating story, especially not when the reason for its existence was sitting right across from you.

“Isn’t the point of the game just drinking when you’ve done something?” you sighed, just wanting to move on to the next question already.

Hyunwoo shrugged. “It is, but we’re curious. Never would have expected that from you.”

Your eyebrows raised at his words. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Yeah, you seem so...innocent,” Yejun chuckled.

“Oh, trust me, s-ah!” Soonyoung yelped as you jabbed your elbow into his side.

Your best friend was then met with your death glare, so he knew to shut up right then and there. This was definitely a moment where you needed Soonyoung to rescue you, not put you in a situation that would end up with you making a fool out of yourself in front of all your co-workers.

So, very subtly, you reached for your nose before lightly tapping it in the hope that he would notice. And oh, he sure did.

Your best friend peeked into your cup and snatched it out of your hand. “Would you look at that, Y/N. We can’t have empty cups around here. Let’s get you a refill!”

It was definitely not empty, but you couldn’t care less. You and Soonyoung were already out of your seats and rushing towards the kitchen before anyone had a chance to protest.

“Thanks,” you exhaled, glad to be out of that stressful situation.

“You know I got you. But...it was kinda funny to see you struggling a little.”

“Soonyoung,” you warned, not in the mood for his antics.

He made a gesture of zipping his mouth and throwing away the imaginary key. “I’ll shut up now.”

“Very wise.”

—

“The Hyunwoo question,” Seokmin continued, never losing that smirk. “Tell me, was it me you were thinking of?”

“Would you believe me if I said it wasn’t?”

“I would, but the fact that you’re clenching your thighs right now tells me that you’re probably lying,” he mumbled, placing one of his large hands onto the small of your back to move you just a tad bit closer to him.

You didn’t have a comeback for that, mainly because he was right. This man could read you like a book and you hated it. Were you really that easy to read or was he just good at it? Either way, it was getting more and more difficult to focus on that thought since Seokmin seemed to move in closer with every breath you released, his minty breath hitting your face and his alluring dark brown eyes fixated on your own.

It was intense, with the way he was staring right into your soul. And the urge to just throw yourself at him was strong, particularly when he lightly brushed his velvety lips over yours for just a brief moment.

“You’re cute, you know that?” He chuckled at the way you were desperately chasing after him when he’d moved back slightly.

“You can’t just tease me like that,” you huffed, fisting your hands into the fabric of his shirt to prevent him from moving any further away.

“But I like the way you respond to me.” One of his hands shimmied underneath your shirt and began to gently trace patterns onto your back, causing your heart to start beating faster. “You’re so...” you shivered at the feeling of his lips grazing along the side of your jaw before stopping right at your lips “reactive to my touch.”

Then before you knew it, your back was making contact with the cold hard wall as Seokmin’s cushiony lips collided with yours, moving with a gentle urgency that sent tingles all across your skin. Your mind reeled at the feeling of his wet tongue sliding past your lips, which caused a warmth to bloom in your chest that you hadn’t felt before with anyone else. Compared to your kiss in the woods, this one was much more intense and softer, and it made you absolutely melt into his touch.

You felt yourself get lost in the moment as his fingers danced up your spine, leaving a long trail of goosebumps in their wake before finally making contact with the underside of your breast. Your back arched off the wall, an airy moan escaping from your lips at the feeling of his cold fingertips on the sensitive skin of your soft mound. His touches were addictive, sending spike after spike of electricity through your veins, melting you into a pathetic puddle of need for the man you were so desperately clinging onto.

A sudden opening of the kitchen door had the both of you freeze on the spot, lips still very much attached. The position you were in kept you hidden for the time being – as long the interrupter didn’t turn on the lights or peaked behind the door.

Seokmin slowly pulled away, only to put his index finger against his lips to signal for you to be quiet. That proved to be difficult with your heart nearly beating out of your chest and your labored breathing that was the result of the kiss you’d shared. Still, you tried your best to hold your breath as the person rummaged through what sounded like the fridge.

The whole situation lasted only a few minutes, but it felt like eternity as you anxiously waited for the person to finish whatever they came here for. Meanwhile, Seokmin’s form was completely pressed against yours due to the way the door had opened. Any other situation and you would have been ecstatic at this proximity, but the fear of getting caught had completely ruined the mood for you.

It was only when the door finally closed that you felt comfortable enough to move from your position against the wall.

Seokmin ran a hand through his hair as he gave you some space to breathe. “Shit, that was close.”

“You could say that,” you gasped, sucking in a big gulp of air. “I think I almost peed myself.”

“That’s the risk of sneaking around in a house full of co-workers.”

“Yeah, well. I’d like to keep my sanity.” That earned a snicker from the man in front of you.

“I’ll give you a break for now. That was enough excitement for one evening, don’t you think?”

You nodded in response, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the prospect of doing this again.

His fingers gently caressed your cheek. “Sleep well, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“N-Night,” you whispered, the feeling of his touch still lingering even after he’d made his exit.

One of these days this man was going to be the death of you.

“Do I look okay?” you asked Soonyoung, gesturing to the black matching set of leggings and sports bra you’d decided to wear for the yoga and meditation session.

Your best friend, who was dressed in a pair of black shorts and a white oversized t-shirt, raised his eyebrows questioningly as he looked you over. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“Well, I don’t know? Maybe because I’m going to be in a bunch of weird poses?”

“Are you sure it’s not because you’re afraid Seokmin won’t be able to control himself?”

“Definitely not.”

“I still can’t believe you two had another kinky moment and almost got caught,” Soonyoung giggled. “You really have no idea who interrupted you?”

You shook your head. “No and it’s probably better that I don’t.”

“Everyone! Yoga session is about to start, so you better get down here!” Seojoon’s loud voice boomed through the large cabin.

Soonyoung reluctantly got up from the comfortable chair he’d been sitting in. “Come on. You know how big he is on participation and punctuality. Not in the mood to get my ass kicked today.”

“You’re right. He’s scary when he’s angry,” you shuddered, remembering that time he’d yelled at one of the new interns for skipping out on a company dinner without giving a valid reason.

Once you’d entered the yoga room, your focus immediately drifted from Soonyoung to Seokmin, who’d once again chosen violence – he’d gone for another white sleeveless shirt, paired with some dark green shorts that accentuated his robust legs in the best way possible.

He shot you a sneaky wink when your eyes met his, holding your gaze for a few seconds before he turned around when Hyunwoo demanded his attention. The simple action had left you feeling more flustered than you’d expected, with heat spreading across your face and down your neck.

Was he actually trying to give you a heart attack? What if someone had caught that?

Fortunately, as far as you were aware, no one had seemed to notice. Soonyoung was still happily chatting away, sharing some ridiculous story about his cousin who’d attempted to boil pasta without water. You, however, were only half listening, too engrossed in your own thoughts, but he luckily didn’t seem to care much.

It wasn’t long before the instructor arrived and the class started, forcing you to focus on the task at hand. Now, it wasn’t your first time doing yoga, but it was definitely your first time doing yoga with Lee Seokmin in the room, and from where you were standing, you had a perfect view of the man’s gorgeous side profile.

The routine was fairly simple and nothing too challenging for a beginner. Most of the yoga poses you were able to do without needing much concentration, which was probably a good thing. Because almost all of them put emphasis on the thighs and to say that you were a little distracted was putting it lightly.

During the variations of the warrior pose and the chair pose, your eyes were glued to Seokmin’s thighs. No matter how loud that inner voice was screaming for you to look away, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. The position you were in allowed you to observe every little detail, from the way his thighs thickened every time he bent his knees to the way his muscles contracted each time he corrected his balance. Heat was pooling in your lower stomach by the time the instructor started with the floor exercises.

You thought that that would be slightly better, seeing as it wouldn’t involve as much thigh, but boy were you wrong. The bridge pose you were all currently in provided you with enough mental images that left you with a wanton desire and another ruined pair of panties.

Against your better judgment, you’d made the mistake of looking at Seokmin, who was in the process of alternating between raising and lowering his hips every few seconds or so. His movements were smooth and controlled, which made you wonder what it would feel like if he were to fuck you like that in that exact position.

“Remind you of something?” Soonyoung snickered from beside you, startling you out of your daydream.

“Huh?”

“Are you even listening?” he hissed after seeing your confused expression.

You rolled your eyes. “I am now.”

“Anyway...I was talking about the instructor.”

Only then you realized that all this time, your yoga instructor had been talking you through the pose with her encouraging but still calm voice.

“Relax your body and breath in…and out...in...and out.” It sounded an awful lot like the damn pregnancy video Soonyoung had shown you.

“I think you need to follow her advice, because you’re wilding again. Can’t have you soaking the whole floor,” your best friend teased.

“Oh my god, please shut up,” you chuckled – you would have slapped him if it weren’t for the fact that you were in an awkward position.

By the end of the class, you were in desperate need of a break. Not just from yoga, but from Seokmin’s thighs in particular.

“I’ll be right back. Just gonna get some water,” you told Soonyoung as you picked up your phone and your water bottle from the floor.

“Just hurry back. Oh! And get me a snack,” he called after you.

Ignoring both of his requests, you made your way into the kitchen and towards the sink, where you filled your empty bottle with some ice cold water.

“Y/N.” You swiftly turned around at the sound of Seokmin’s voice echoing through the empty kitchen, not having anticipated his presence.

“Come with me,” he motioned and grabbed onto your hand before pulling you towards the backdoor, not even waiting for your reply.

“Yah! Where are we going? Seokmin?” you squealed, having no choice but to keep up with his fast pace – it was either that or be dragged around.

“Seokmin,” you repeated when he still hadn’t answered you. Your mind was reeling at this point, bordering between excitement and nervousness as Seokmin led you into the forest behind the cabin, a totally different route from the one you’d taken on your run.

“W-Wait, the meditation is going to start soon and-”

Your words made him stop in his tracks and you would have bumped into him if you hadn’t made a last-minute change in your steps.

He turned around, his dark eyes boring into you. “Then tell me, would you rather do that or go with me?”

The answer to that was easy. Of course you’d rather go with him. But skipping the meditation session or arriving late would make your co-workers suspicious, and if only the two of you were missing, it would only be a matter of time before they would connect the dots.

Did he not care about that at all?

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, no words coming out as you tried to reason with yourself. Seokmin, who seemed to notice the inner conflict you were having, softened his gaze and gave your hand a light squeeze.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” you stated with absolutely no hesitation.

“And you like me, right?”

“Yes.” If someone would have told you a year ago that you’d be admitting that to Seokmin, you would have straight-up laughed in their face. But here you were, telling him as if he wasn’t making you feel all weak in the knees.

“Then that’s settled,” he responded, shooting you that infamous bright smile of his.

Fuck that meditation session. Because who were you to say no to that smile? Besides, you wanted this – no, you needed this moment with him and you weren’t going to let your fear get the better of you. It didn’t stop you before, so why would you let it stop you now?

Something in your facial expressions must have given away exactly what you were thinking, because Seokmin was already moving again, leading you to god knows where. But this time, you didn’t protest. Instead, you eagerly followed in his footsteps, your worries completely forgotten, leaving only a feeling of exhilaration as you wondered what he had planned for the both of you.

After what felt like ages, he finally stopped at a small but beautiful open space that was surrounded by trees and other greenery.

“This should be good enough for what I have in mind,” Seokmin said, turning his body to face yours, your hand still firmly grasped in his.

“And what might that be?” you mused calmly, even though your body felt tight with anticipation.

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?” he teased as his lips curved into a smile that managed to seem both angelic and devilish at the same time.

Without even realizing it, Seokmin had moved in closer, his breath now lightly hitting your face as your faces were only inches apart – a scene that you were all too familiar with.

He looked at you expectantly, his eyes radiant and slightly mischievous, almost as if he was asking you to make the first move. Feeling more confident this time, you were happy to comply, closing the little bit of distance between the two of you to slide your lips against Seokmin’s inviting pillowy lips.

It started out slow, with Seokmin’s fingertips dancing lightly along your sides, but the kiss quickly deepened, turning into something more as both of your hands started to wander over each other’s bodies with an acute need.

You didn’t exactly know how you got there, but you suddenly found yourself perched in Seokmin’s lap on top of a large rock that had been conveniently placed in the clearing. Your lips were frantically moving against another as you tried to relieve yourself of some of the tension that had built up inside you. But it wasn’t enough – nowhere near enough, especially not when you could feel the outline of his dick pressing against your crotch. With a little encouragement from Seokmin’s hands on your ass, your hips automatically started to grind into his, creating a maddening friction that only made you desperate for more.

Your hands were moving on their own accord, hungrily tugging at the bottom of his shirt, which he was quick to discard. The sight you were greeted with pulled an unexpected groan out of you, because how was he so damn perfect?

As expected, his skin was smooth and toned, just like the rest of him. His well-defined abs were covered with a thin layer of sweat from the previous activity, which, combined with the little happy trail that disappeared into his shorts, only made you want all of him that much more.

“Enjoying yourself, hmm?” Seokmin interrupted .

You could only hum in agreement, not quite trusting your voice right now.

“It’s only fair I get something in return, don’t you think?” His large hands teasingly moved up your form, your body shuddering with excitement at the thought of being able to feel his fingers all over you.

You sucked in a sharp breath when he abruptly tugged down the zipper that was holding your sports bra together at the front, the piece of fabric now dangling helplessly off your shoulders.

“Fucking hell,” he breathed at the sight of your exposed breasts, your nipples rock hard from the slightly cool breeze that passed you momentarily. Seokmin was on you like white on rice, wasting absolutely no time as he wrapped his lips around one of your nipples.

“F-Fuck!” you couldn’t help but curse at the feeling of his hot and wet tongue sucking messily on your hardened bud. Your hips were desperately grinding against his once more, your hands having moved to grip onto his hard thighs as you leaned back to let him work your body.

It felt good – so good. But you wanted more. It was at the point where you needed him to see the effect he had on you, particularly the sticky mess in between your legs that was getting more and more uncontrollable with every second that passed.

If only your clothes weren’t in the way.

Seokmin seemed to think the exact same thing, because it wasn’t long after that that he released your spit-covered tit with a pop, followed by a demanding “strip naked” that made your pussy clench involuntarily.

He didn’t have to tell you twice. Within seconds, you’d quickly kicked off your shoes, tugged down your leggings and wrecked panties before adding your loosened sports bra to the pile on the forest floor.

Then he was pulling you back onto the rock, his fingers digging into your sides before he roughly planted you onto his thigh, his shorts having ridden up from the way you’d been grinding in his lap just a minute ago.

Your guttural moan resonated through the forest as soon as your slick cunt made contact with his bare thigh, your hands grasping onto his shoulders for dear life as you tried to hold it together. This was it. Paradise. You were sure of it. Many times you’d dreamed of this moment, but nothing could have prepared you for the real thing.

“What are you waiting for? Isn’t this what you wanted?” Seokmin then proceeded to flex the muscle you were sitting on, pulling a loud whimper from you that had you throw your head back.

“Yes! ‘s what I wanted,” you moaned, your breathing already heavy and irregular from that simple stimulation.

“Then ride it. Show me how you make yourself cum,” he said, wrapping one of his strong arms around your middle while his free hand hungrily kneaded the flesh of your trembling thigh, urging you to move.

So, you did exactly that. You slowly rolled your hips once to test the waters. It was a good thing that Seokmin was holding you up, because the pressure of your clit dragging across his muscular thigh and the feeling of your slick spreading all over the place was enough to make you crumble.

Pretty soon, you were humping his thigh as if it was your last day, pleasure spreading through your entire being as you tried to make yourself cum.

Seokmin’s hands were all over you, leaving nothing but destruction in their wake as they roughly squeezed your ass, your thighs and your breasts that jiggled with every movement of your hips. Your mind was an absolute mess as slick kept gushing out of your pulsing cunt, making it harder for you to keep your eyes open.

“Eyes on me, baby,” he grunted, fingers firmly grabbing onto your chin as he pulled your face back down.

You could only whine in response, which Seokmin saw as an opportunity to push his thumb past your lips. He released a deep groan at the sight of your lips wrapped around his digit.

“Look at you, shit. Dripping on my thigh like a needy little slut.”

“Fuck – Fuck!” you whimpered, releasing his thumb almost as soon as he’d started flexing his thigh again, your orgasm unexpectedly tearing through your body with only a few more rolls of your hips. All of your muscles tensed up, your back arching and legs shaking violently as you released on Seokmin’s thigh.

“You okay?” he asked after giving you a few seconds to recover.

“I’m great.” You released a breathless chuckle, peeking up at him through heavy eyelids, feeling slightly out of breath from the intense pleasure you’d just experienced.

“Good, because it’s my turn now,” he smirked, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to your lips before moving you off his drenched thigh.

Was he finally going to fuck you?

Curiously, you watched as he scooted off the rock and turned around, which allowed you to check out his half naked form for just a brief moment. But it was enough to have you riled up again, with his shorts barely covering anything at this point and the outline of his hard dick very prominent through his tight shorts – you licked your lips in anticipation.

“Come here,” he motioned, his hands wrapping around your ankles. He was careful as he helped you scoot closer to the edge, not wanting to bust your skin open on the rough surface you were laying on.

“What are you- oh my god!” you squealed after he’d thrown your legs over his shoulders, not having expected him to dive right into your pussy. Your eyes automatically closed. “S-Seok – min!” you whined, one of your hands tangling into his purple locks to steady yourself.

Not being able to help it, your hips jerked at the feeling of his hot mouth on your cunt. You were still extremely sensitive from your previous orgasm, but the slight pain of the overstimulation mixed with the pleasure from his tongue was surprisingly arousing, and it wasn’t long before your hips were moving in rhythm with Seokmin’s mouth.

With some effort, you forced your eyes open, a shudder ripping through your body from head to toe as you took in the view in front of you. Seokmin’s dark orbs were already looking at you, his tongue skillfully sliding through your folds and over your throbbing clit, all while applying exactly the right amount of pressure to your most sensitive spots.

“Right t-there...gonna make me cu-um,” you moaned when he pushed two of his fingers into your slick-covered hole, curling them up deliciously against your insides. All the while, his tongue had never stopped lapping at your swollen clit.

“Cum for me.” Seokmin’s voice had been slightly muffled due to the fact that he was still buried in your pussy, but you’d heard him loud and clear. That, plus the vibrations that his voice sent to your clit and the way he was staring at you while he was giving you the best head of your life, was enough to send you completely over the edge.

“Oh fuck!” you gasped, your hand tightening in his hair and your hips buckling erratically as the orgasm that had been building inside you reached its peak. It was unlike anything you’d felt before. You were cumming, but it was more than that...more intense. And there was so much arousal everywhere.

When Seokmin pulled back, you understood what had happened. His face was glistening, a few drops of your arousal dripping down his chin onto his chiseled abdomen.

Your cheeks burned with heat. “Did I just…?”

“Squirt? Fuck yes,” he panted, using the back of his hand to wipe away whatever slick was on and around his lips before stepping in between your legs. “And it was fucking hot,” he continued, putting his hand behind your head to pull you in for a messy kiss – the taste of yourself on his lips caused you to groan into Seokmin’s mouth.

“Please. Need you inside,” you gasped, your nails clawing at his back when he’d moved his lips from your mouth to your neck, occasionally using his teeth to nip at your sensitive skin.

“Yeah? Think you can handle that?” he murmured, his fingers digging into your soft thighs.

“Yes! Seokmin, please...need you to fuck me hard,” you whimpered, not caring how desperate you sounded for him.

“Fuck, okay,” he breathed, quickly removing himself from your hold before taking a step back.

Biting on your lower lip, you watched as he pulled his shorts and underwear off, revealing his hard dick that was already leaking large beads of precum. He was close enough for you to reach, so without thinking, you grasped onto his firm length. It felt hot and heavy against your palm, his precum now slowly trickling down towards the base.

You started to stroke him lightly, wanting to make him feel just as good as he’d made you feel...twice already. But Seokmin had other plans.

“Don’t.” He choked back a moan, his hand on your wrist after the second stroke, gently urging you to let go. “I’ll cum before I even get the chance to fuck you,” he continued after seeing your puzzled expression.

“Oh,” you whispered, biting your lip at the thought of making him come undone with just a few strokes of your hand.

A few seconds later, he’d forced you down onto your back once again, this time sliding his hands up your thighs until he was able to spread you out, your pussy still dripping from your prior activities.

“Still so wet after cumming twice already,” the man between your legs sighed, his gaze directed at the lower half of your body. “So greedy.” That was followed by a slap to your pussy. You yelped in surprise, even though the slight ache resulting from his roughness had you curling your toes in excitement.

“Seokmin, please. I can’t wait.” You were begging now, wrapping your legs around his waist to express how desperate you really were. “P-Please, I-”

Your breath hitched involuntarily at the feeling of his dick rubbing through your folds before finding your entrance. You forced your body muscles to relax at the intrusion that followed, but seeing as you were more than lubed up, Seokmin had no problem sliding every inch inside.

“Fuck...such a tight pussy,” he grunted when he’d completely bottomed out, the unfamiliar stretch of dick leaving you with a pleasant burn. Seokmin continued to take a deep breath as he tried to contain himself, keeping still for a few seconds to give you some time to get used to him.

But you didn’t need any of that. You just needed him to fuck you...hard...and fast, until you couldn’t walk anymore. You were convinced that you’d be able to take whatever he was going to give to you.

That’s why you groaned in frustration when he still hadn’t moved. “I’m not gonna break, you know? You can fuck me.” This was followed by you clenching down hard, which earned you a strangled moan from Seokmin, who was quick to jump into action after that.

“As you wish,” he smirked.

Any control you thought you had was gone after that stunt you pulled. He moved back slightly, just enough so that the tip was still inside you, before slamming his full length back into you. Your eyes nearly bulged out of your sockets at the force, your back arching off the stone as you gasped for breath. But Seokmin wasn’t planning to go easy on you now. You’d given him the okay, so you were going to have to take it.

Within seconds, he’d found a steady rhythm, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs for support as his balls – now covered in your slick – slapped against your ass with every thrust.

You were on cloud nine, mind completely blank aside from the thoughts that revolved around Seokmin fucking the shit out of you in the middle of the woods.

Your fingers weakly clawed at his toned arms as your mind reeled at the feeling of Seokmin continuously slamming into your wet cunt, the head of his dick kissing the tip of your cervix every time he leaned forward.

“Are you close?” he asked, his breathing sounding irregular due to the force he was putting into his movements.

“C-Close,” you stuttered, not in the right state of mind to formulate anything more than that. Seokmin sped up his thrusts after that, fucking you even faster and harder as he kept hitting that right spot inside you.

“Where do you want my cum, baby?” Seokmin asked when his thrusts were getting sloppier and sloppier by the second.

“Inside m-me...want your cum so bad,” you mewled, feeling like you were about to lose it with how fast he was drilling into you.

“Fuck!” Seokmin’s hips stuttered momentarily at your words, but he quickly regained himself before he resumed his merciless rhythm, bringing you closer and closer to the edge every time he buried himself back into you.

You finally came for the third time with a loud cry of his name, your body shaking all over as a result of the intensity. Seokmin wasn’t far behind. He gave one final thrust before he stilled inside you, groaning loudly into your shoulder as his dick released big spurts of warm cum that had you feeling nice and full by the end of it.

“Holy shit,” he sighed when both of your highs had subsided.

“You could say that,” you giggled, trying to regain your breathing.

“We should definitely do that again.”

Your eyes widened in surprise at his statement. “Really?”

“Of course. Unless...you don’t want to? I don’t just do this with anyone, you know?” he grinned as he helped you down from the rock.

“Yes, yes! I would love that,” you smiled, the familiar butterflies in your stomach making their appearance again.

You really thought this day couldn’t be better. Well, that was until you’d both gotten dressed and you’d picked up your discarded phone off the floor to check the time.

Annoying Bestie 💖: >> Y/N!! Where the fuck are you?! Annoying Bestie 💖: >> Are u seriously ditching me for some dick rn?! Annoying Bestie 💖: >> If ur not here within the next 10 mins ur gonna miss the meditation Annoying Bestie 💖: >> People are getting suspicious… Annoying Bestie 💖: >> Trying to cover, but there’s only so much I can do with both of u missing :’) Annoying Bestie 💖: >> They’re definitely connecting the dots...u and Mr. Thighs Annoying Bestie 💖: >> Just so u know, ur never gonna live this down Annoying Bestie 💖: >> I hate it here Annoying Bestie 💖: >> Hope the D is worth it cuz ur missing out on some bomb food Annoying Bestie 💖: >> U BETTER GET TF BACK IF U DON’T WANT US TO LEAVE YOUR ASS HERE

“Uh...I think we might be in a bit of trouble,” you grimaced as you read through the many messages Soonyoung had sent you over the hours you and Seokmin had been ‘occupied’.

“How much trouble are we talking?”

“As in, we might miss the bus if we don’t hurry the fuck up.”

“Well shit, let’s go!” Seokmin exclaimed, reaching for your hand to drag you along with him.

“Is this how it’s going to be every time? Me getting dragged around by you?” you complained.

He looked back just in time to see you nearly trip over your own feet. “You’ll get used to it soon enough,” he laughed.

Yeah, you guess you could get used to this.

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AAAAND THAT'S A WRAP! This took me much much longer than I expected since it was originally supposed to be a small fic, but I couldn't help myself since I had too many ideas for the plot hehe... Hope you enjoyed it!

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[starryknight-tarot]

𝓐𝓭𝓿𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻

pile 1 -- > pile 2 pile 3 -- > pile 4

my masterlist<3 . paid readings

Howdy my beautiful souls✨ I'm officially back! It feels like it has been forever since I last worked on a pac for y'all! Thank you all for the messages wishing for my health, I am feeling much better. Today we will be looking into advice you need to hear! I might be a little blunt so keep that in mind. Remember to meditate, take a deep breath, and pick whatever pile calls to you the most. My readings are meant for everyone, no matter what sexuality or identity you are. Since this is a general reading, make sure to take what resonates and leave what doesn't. Credit to @chachachannah for the divider!

Pile 1 Cards: Ace of Pentacles rx, Page of Swords, The Devil, The Star, King of Wands, Seven of Cups, Two of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles Back of the Deck: Page of Wands

There is a lot to go over here Pile 1, you may have been going through it recently or things may feel pretty chaotic for you right now. For you guys, there are somethings you may be turning a blind eye to and opportunities you haven't been taking. Right now you need to take some time to plan and TAKE ACTION! Think about what you want and what you need to do to accomplish this task. And while this is time for action, be careful not to overwhelm yourself with responsibilities, or rush into anything without properly thinking it through. You may be putting yourself down, thinking whatever you want is impossible or out of reach, it isn't. In fact, I heard it's right in front of you or hidden in plain sight. There may be negative affirmations that you are either hearing from yourself or someone else and it is only pulling you further from your goals when you listen to these words, absorb them, and view them as fact when they aren't. You need to keep in mind the power of words and how they can not only effect you, but the people around you. I heard "when you go around with a loser mentality, you are only going to get a loser result" so even in situations where you feel like you are going to lose or that something won't be successful, you need to try to think positive anyway. I know that isn't the easiest request, however, actively reminding yourself of your positive affirmations and staying determined to keep trying when things get hard can take you further than you ever thought you could go. Use your creative brain and I heard be willing to use your heart in certain situation. With the Seven of Cups, there may be a situation or even a person around you that isn't what you think. Be aware of signs that things don't entirely add up or make sense. For some of yall, this is going to be about a travel destination or someone may be offering something that isn't real. With the Devil energy, you may have an unhealthy addiction to something, for some of you I am hearing your phone or social media (who isn't now a days). You may have been consuming too much media and it is really taking a toll on you. Whatever the addiction is, this can go two way for you, you can take the proper action to help yourself or keep hurting yourself by not getting the help you need. Pile 1, you have so much potential and abundance that can be coming your way if you would just believe in yourself!

Advice Cards:

Be bold. It's time to lead forward!

Release what you do not need. Let go of some extraneous aspect of your life

It's time to challenge old beliefs!

Release all attachments that do not serve you

Complete the project or task. Something is calling for closure

Create an internal structured frame of reference and stay focused

Channeled Songs:

Pile 2 Cards: Knight of Swords, Temperance, The Empress rx, Nine of Swords rx, Knight of Wands, The Emperor, Ace of Wands rx Back of the Deck: Ten of Wands

For my Pile 2, we need to talk about how you see yourself and your own self-confidence. I actually feel like this group is divided into two groups, some of you need to work on your confidence and how you interact with yourself. You may be putting yourself down and you need to stop it! You have wonderful energy Pile 2 and deserve love and compliments just as much as others! You just need to see what everyone else sees. You are refusing people because you may have been taught that complimenting yourself shows signs of selfishness and narcissism, something along those lines. It isn't true, you are talented and strong and deserve all the compliments and praise you receive! For the second group of you, I actually want to say to keep it up and don't give up! You may feel a little out of inspiration and creativity but you may just need time to process your thoughts and really figure out what you need to do! Stay confident and positive in your work! I heard this confidence and outgoing nature is your greatest ally. In the moments that you feel like you can't get anything right and things seem impossible, remember who you are! You are that bitch! The sky is the limit for you Pile 2. You can do it, you just need to trust in yourself, beware of last minute nerves that sneak up on you and make you doubt yourself. Also don't be afraid to take bold action and maybe even trying your hand at a leadership position, you have what it takes you just need to believe in yourself. I think that is a big message here for my Pile 2s, believing what you want is possible and just doing it. I know that sounds like a hard task but I really feel like for my Pile 2s, you guys don't even realize your potential and it almost physically hurts me. Some of yall also need to take a step away from worrying about your appearance, it is only hurting you in a really unhealthy way. My Pile 2s are so beautiful inside and out and shouldn't forget that. You may need to work more on your divine masculine energy, regardless of your gender. (There is a little similar energy to Pile 1 so if you felt called, please do read Pile 1)

Advice Cards:

It is time to take appropriate action

A rite of passage allows you to move forward into new realms

Weigh your situation carefully

Give yourself your own approval

Create a plan and take the first step

Give up resistance in your current situation

Channled Songs:

Pile 3 Cards: King of Swords rx, Nine of Cups rx, Page of Wands rx, Nine of Wands, Two of Swords rx, King of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Eight of Wands rx Back of the Deck: Five of Wands

I think for my Pile 3's, you need to stop being so strict on yourself, I am also hearing that you need to surrender to something. There may an event or situation that you have been avoiding for a long time now and spirit is saying that it's time to face this and accept the result. This may be something that you feel pushes you farther from your goals or you are just afraid of the unknown of the situation, something along these lines. I am hearing that even if the situation seems like it is bound to end badly, the result isn't going to be as bad as you think, it may even end with a pretty good result! I am also getting that for some of you, you are going to or are currently facing a tough decision that is making you stressed and anxious, especially if this decision feels really important, I think spirit wants you to follow your heart with this decision. With the King of Swords, I feel like following what seems logical in this may have a more harmful result then you would have liked. But also remember that you have time, with this decision but also just in general. There is time, life feels like it moves very fast but it may help you to take some time to slow down. I am feeling a breeze and I'm seeing you in nature, feeling a nice breeze blow through your hair. You may want to connect with nature more, I am hearing for some of you, you may just need to take a little walk. I feel like for my pile 3's, you may want to be more generous with yourself. If there is something you have been thinking about buying, buy it. If you have something you've felt would be selfish of you, be a little selfish. I think you need to spoil yourself a little more. I am hearing especially going into this new year. Life is too short not to take some risks is what I am hearing. I'm also hearing some of you need to be a little more delusional lmao. Some of yall should listen to some subliminals, this might be a little helpful in some of your situations. I also want my Pile 3s to beware of conflicts with others, I am hearing some of you could be nicer to the people around you or that you may need to work on admitting when you are in the wrong.

Advice Cards:

Control is an illusion. Surrender and allow the Universe to guide you

Align your body, mind, and spirit with your heart

Create a plan and take the first step

It's time to realize the blueprint of your soul

Be aware of your inner messages

Be adventurous. It's time to go for it!

Channeled Songs:

Pile 4 Cards: Page of Swords, Four of Pentacles, The Chariot, The Hanged Man rx, Knight of Swords, Justice rx, Nine of Swords rx, King of Swords Back of the Deck: Nine of Cups

There is a lot of swords energy for this pile! The swords has a lot to do with communication and possible conflicts in that. I think for a good amount of this pile, you guys need to work on how you communicate but mostly with how you communicate with yourself. I feel like you guys may be putting yourself down and saying things to yourself that aren't even true, and some of you even know that they aren't true. You guys need to realize that you are stopping yourself from achieving things, I don't care how many excuses you may have. Some of yall are manifesting and trying to say all the positive affirmations to bring the things you want to life, however you are forgetting that positive affirmations are only a part of manifestation. One of the most important parts is to actually put in the work to get the things you want. The things you want aren't just going to fall into your lap, you need to push yourself and try new things to get what you want, even if it seems scary at first. Like, I feel like you guys may be telling yourself things to delay taking action on your passions and it's not bringing you any closer to your goals. Which is sad because we have the Nine of Cups at the back of the deck, your dreams are a reality and can come true! For some of you I feel like it won't even be that far from you but you are delaying it! I can see the visual of you feeling like you have chains attached to your legs, these chains representing your past, family, doubts, all of it, they feel so heavy and scary. But what you don't realize is that these chains aren't holding you down at all, you have the power to push through and move forward. I am also getting for some of yall, you may have just went through a bad breakup or ended some sort of relationship, take it how it resonates. But I feel like a lot of you are holding onto this person and want some sort of closure from them, and spirit is saying that there just isn't going to be some closure, at least on their end. Sometimes we meet people, and they break our hearts and some people don't have the emotional maturity to deal with it in the rights ways and that person isn't you. It can feel empty and sad not to get closure on some relationships but what's stronger and harder is to know to walk away when things are getting bad. There will be people that come into your life that will treat you better, that person just wasn't that person. You guys need to remember that you are smart and wise and soooo powerful!

Advice Cards:

Hold your life from a sacred viewpoint. Witness the universal picture

The issue at hand is about reflection. What is the mirror showing you?

Put your tasks and goals in order

Something you've planted is coming to harvest. Results are forthcoming!

Boldly imagine what you can do and be

You are ready to receive your fortune. Be miracle minded!

Bring something new into your life!

Channeled Songs:

Thanks for tuning in₊‧.°.⋆🫧•˚₊‧⋆.

[euphoricimagination]

Bad Habits

Feat. Aoba Johsai

When you joined the team on your second year, after Iwaizumi had asked you for help to deal with the new first year, everything started normally, you didn’t have any problems whatsoever and got along with everyone amazingly good. But it was by the end of the year that you started to fall into your more unhealthy habits. Habits that had appeared since you entered high school, but that became stronger now that you had to care for the team too

You knew it was due stress, the end of the year was always full of things and you were terrible at managing it properly. You had started to stay up until much later, studying or working on project until way too late, barely sleeping 3 hours at max; because of that, you started to feel incredibly tired through the day, leading you into buying energy drinks often to keep you awake, on your worst days you could easily chug down 4 a day with no issues; also because of your lack of sleep, your eye bags started to become more noticeable, not even concealer being able to cover them properly; and worst of all, because of the stress, you occasionally ended up smoking, and while not an often thing, you still do it

You were able to hide it from the team for a while, but the more the end of the year comes closer, the more noticeable it became.

The first one that notice was Oikawa, who could smell the smoke in your clothes in one of his hugs, but he shrugged it off since he thought it was from one of your friends that was known for smoking. Then Iwaizumi noticed the energy drinks, especially when in one day he saw you drink it at lunch, then before starting practice and then buying two more after you part ways; but again, he shrugged it off since sometimes he has rough days too. Then Kindaichi found you sleeping in a weird position on your classroom, surprised you could even sleep like that

It wasn’t until Kunimi said something on the changing room that they started to connect things together

“Did you guys knew that Yn-san smokes?” he asks

“Yn-chan? She doesn’t, her friend does though, that’s why she smells like that sometimes” Oikawa answers

“No, no, I saw her outside with a cigarette and a energy drink…she honestly looked miserable” Kunimi adds

“Energy drink? Again? She had one at lunch” Hanamaki adds

“yeah, and she arrived with one in the morning” Matsukawa says now. They stayed silent for a few seconds, everyone thinking

“That idiot” Iwaizumi sighs “she’s stressed”

“eh? How do you know?”

“Last year I saw her smoking, I scolded her and made her promise to tell me if she needed help or anything. I hadn’t thought that she fell back on it, I should have realized when I saw her with those energy drinks” Iwaizumi sighs again, looking disappointed

“Well, she does drink them from time to time, but now she seems to be abusing it. Don’t beat yourself up for it, man” Matsukawa says as they go out the room, you were already standing there, looking at the clipboard attentively. Iwaizumi walks towards you and yanks you away from the coaches, the whole team in front of you

“So, Yn-chan, something to tell us?” oikawa looks at you, his hands on his hips

“Ehhh…nope, not really” you say confused

“I see. You know, health is the most important thing, you always tell me to not overwork myself”

“what shittykawa wants to say is, we know about your…unhealthy habits, are you stressed out? Why didn’t you tell me? Tell us?” Iwaizumi asks you

“I…I didn’t want to trouble you, that’s all”

“idiot” Iwaizumi flicks your forehead “Stop smoking, Yn-chan, and sleep more, you look terrible”

“you can drink some energy drinks here and there, but don’t abuse it” Oikawa adds

“I hate that this is coming from you out of everyone” you say, making him squint his eyes

“We love you, so take care of you just like you take care of us” Matsukawa says, all of the team hugging you tightly.

[miaclemeverett]

amazon standing lamp - using drugs and sex and other unhealthy distractions and coping mechanisms to deal with losing people you love out of your own fault. the top-heavy amazon standing lamp part is a really old wilbur joke (back in 2020 he joked about naming a song this) and it also reminds me of how (i think it was him?) he once said that he moves house so often that he loses so many belongings and only has a few things left that he cares about, i think this pairs really well in the song how the artificial meaningless things are all that remain

mine / yours - the breakdown of a relationship, seeing the warning signs and the things you take for granted assuming a person will stay with you forever despite it all

around the pomegranate - this song reminds me a lot of "since i saw vienna", when a place (california in this song) becomes so married to a person that it serves as a source of comfort and nostalgia for when things were simple and happier. being on the road you can never set down roots and people come and go from your life

i don't think it will ever end - he lives life in front of millions of people (chat in this song) watching his every move, like an actor he either has to play the part he's made for himself or isolate himself from this audience, it's a repetitive cycle that sends him downhill

glass chalet - back in the dark days of 2021 i remember wilbur would always joke (SLASH SERIOUS) about quitting streaming and disappearing off the face of the planet for years without a single word. VERY HEALTHY MINDSET exhibited right here in this song

melatonin 130 - I LOVE 100 GECS!! but in all seriousness the constant reminder that you have mental illness/anxiety your entire life and you can only cope with it, that it impairs you even when you should be happy cus obviously you're living out what you thought was your dream and everyone else thinks you should be on top of the world duh!

oh distant you - JUST KILL ME. your sister was right but WORSE!!!!!!!! again you take for granted that someone will stick with you forever and only after it's over realizing that you can't fill the hole where they were. and again we're back on fixating on who is the villain in this narrative

eulogy - your sister was right but worse 2, this song focuses on the whispers (good and bad) leftover from a relationship. harkening back to screensaver where he says that the subject in talking about their relationship basically makes him sound like hitler, and your sister was right where he talks about the warning signs the subject should have seen, this squarely places the blame on him

dropshipped cat shirt - I LOVE 100 GECS!!! but anyway the grueling day-to-day of being on the move, singing to people who adore you and make up a version of you in their head, latching onto unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep going, you have everything you ever needed and wanted but you're bored out of your mind

the median - short but sweet! as i said earlier, wilbur always has to play a part, and this audience projects their version of himself as the truth

trying not to think about it - I KNOW I PUT DAMN NEAR THE WHOLE SONG DOWN HERE BUT LISTEN. again realizing how much you take for granted the assumption that someone will stick with you forever. wilbur has mentioned before how as a hypochondriac, he's never taken seriously by doctors whenever he doesn't feel well. also this idea of romance and love as something just for the aesthetic, not as something that gives you stability and meaning but realizing that it can be that for you until its too late.

10 week rule - who got him pregnant?? but in all seriousness i think this can be read as a way of turning a new page, but obviously its not as simple as just getting rid of something unwanted

[elusive---ivory]

Yandere!Emo-Boyfriend x GN!Reader

These ideas keep coming to me like a plague of moths. I saw a fic today that had this same theme, and I wanted it to be longer. Whoever had this original idea gets all the credit, I just wanted to make my own thing, lmaooooooo. TW: manipulation, gore, gaslighting, emo things, mentions of bullying, and depression.

The Emo Boy in your class was a shy kid. He didn't want much to do with anyone. He felt quite reserved and isolated from the crowd. He'd do anything to fit in with the popular crowd. But, as he soon realized, he would never be like the other kids. He wore his hair down, with swoopy bangs.

Ezra was an emotional time bomb, with a fascination for gore and fantasy horror. Ever since he was a small boy, he deeply loved horror. He often wondered what killing someone and taking their blood would be like. His mind was often filled with dark things.

He could understand that people were put off by his morbid interests. One day, Ezra brought in a dead rabbit, hoping to get a reaction out of the popular people. He had bumped into you, accidentally throwing the dead rabbit on the ground.

"Woah, watch it!" Ezra snapped. He glared at you for a second, then his expression soften. He wasn't too interested in a lot of people, but as you smiled and picked up the dead rabbit.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your science project." You said, kindly.

"Uh, it's not for a science project. It's for a prank, dweeb." He quickly ran off. Ezra felt his heart palpitate. The feeling he had in his chest lingered throughout the day. He never had crushes, but maybe you were different. All the other people in the school hated him.

You were like his saving grace. Ezra was drawn near you. Unwillingly, he began to sit by you at lunch. Ezra would usually chug his monster, then wolf down most of his lunch before the bell rang, but today was different. He sat next to you and handed you a note.

Written in very fine handwriting that read,

'Will you go out with me?'

You were very flattered by the offer. After all, he was quite handsome. You walked up to him, pulling him into an embrace. Ezra was surprised. He expected the worst, but he pulled you close, resting his chin on top of your head.

You were wonderful to him. You watched all his favorite horror movies with him. You'd talk to him for hours about your day, and he was captivated by your little habits. You were like breathing to him. Ezra couldn't remember his life without you. Ezra would give you dead roses, and trinkets he'd find on the side of the road. You would give him your love in return. Ezra enjoyed your kisses. Whether it be on the mouth or cheek, he would be drunk off the taste of your lips.

His taste for dead things never subsided. Ezra would show you all the latest roadkill he'd find. Unlike most of your classmates, you encouraged this behavior. Collecting bones slowly became your hobby.

He became protective over you. People couldn't just walk up and talk to you. They needed to talk to Ezra first. He would shake anyone he didn't approve of away. Most of the time, Ezra's insecurities would manifest in unhealthy ways. Ezra wouldn't have a direct conversation about it. He prefers to suffer alone, even though you love him with all your heart.

When people get too close to you, his insecurity comes out. He's terrified of losing you, so anyone that shows little interest must be eliminated. You notice slowly your social circle starts to get smaller and smaller. Maybe you didn't need those people, but you were concerned when people you knew started showing up missing.

There was a boy in your math class that you were working with. Ezra must've caught you working with him. This sent him into a frenzy. Ezra was a very jealous man. No one else should be alone with you. Doesn't everyone know that you're in his bleeding heart?

Ezra stalked the boy. He followed him home and waited for the right time to strike. He killed him, disposing of his body in the pond. When you inquired about the red on his shoes the next day, he simply said, "Oh, darling, that's just from painting my car. You don't need to worry about it. I love you."

[reidsdaisies]

Heyyy!!!! Could you please write a blurb, drabble or headcanon about Spencer wanting to be a househusband or how would he be as such??!? I’ve been watching The way of the househusband anime lately and it sparked the idea. I love your writing and have a great day 💕💕💕

𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝!𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬!

༉‧´ˎ˗ pairing; househusband spencer reid x gn bau!reader

༉‧´ˎ˗ a/n; you literally read my mind!! I’ve been wanting to do something about househusband spencer ever since i did spencer x housewife reader! and i had way too much fun on pinterest looking for inspo pics 😭💞 here’s a board i lowk love, I think it’s just adorable if anyone wants to know what I’m picturing — ׂׂૢ

haha i deleted some things cause this was cringey 😭 it still is but uhm anyway

𝐂𝐌 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 || 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

— i know i said he’s a terrible cook before, but in this universe i think he would have spent a lot of time learning how to cook and bake so he could cook you homemade meals and delicious sweet treats to show his appreciation for how hard you work to put a roof over the two of your heads

— he wears cute ass girly or flowery aprons when cooking and adorable oven mitts, fight me

— he has an unhealthy attachment to his kitchen aid mixer, will talk about how much he loves that thing. you’re concerned.

— excellent and very precise with cleaning 👌 scrubs at the bathroom sink till you can practically see your reflection in it and dusts every damn crevice of your house

— very passionate about the projects he gets into. like if he decides he wants a garden, omg he will commit. he’d probably want a house with a big backyard with enough space to build one of those cute vegetable gardens in the back yard and grow you two’s own food. and he would plant big apple and pear trees, would take pride in how great the fruit is and when everything is finally ready to be picked, he’ll make you bring it to work for the team

— AND omg a greenhouse would be his dream to have. everyone knows about his big ass brain and he definitely has extensive knowledge on all different types of plants, exactly what conditions they need to thrive

— along with that, i know he’d be really into lawn-scaping, you two have the best lawn EVER, and im not exaggerating. the back and the front of the house— absolutely beautiful. he picks out the prettiest flowers and makes sure the soil is rich, and ofc trims the bushes to perfection. he’d look so cute with gardening gloves, these or these specifically, and his massive ass, muddy ass gardening boots that are a size too big but he’s oddly attached to them.

— other hobbies he’s picked up include scrapbooking, piano, and of course knitting & crocheting.

— in one episode, he told Penelope he spent weeks knitting a scarf for his cosplay, and so now I’ve been constantly thinking about the other things he’d knit & crochet for him and his partner. scarfs, mittens, winter hats, sweaters, pot holders, anything he can make, he will make even just to try it out once.

— the pot holders would have cute animals on them or flowers. floral everything. he loves all plants, specifically flowers.

— now that you two own a house together, there’s so much opportunity for him. he’s got his own office AND most importantly, it’s massive and doubles as his own personal library. it’s walls are lined with multiple of the tallest, most spacious bookcases you could find for him, still just barely being able to fit his ever growing book collection on their shelves.

— you and spencer have your ‘family’ over on weekends and off days to chit chat. you’ll invite JJ, Emily, and Derek over but Emily and Derek would drag you away to the kitchen to get wine-drunk and gossip while JJ would be decorating the frames of her kids pictures and copying silly designs she found on Pinterest for Will.

— whenever you’re not on a case, and you’re friends aren’t available or you two aren’t feeling ver social, that’s when you finally get to be the sweet, lovey-dovey married couple you two are at heart

— for fun, you guys always bake brownies, cookies, cupcakes, and what not together, that ofc, he insists you take into work to show off his beautiful decorating skills. they’re not that beautiful but you still like to tell him they are to boost his ego and make jokes about how he should work at a bakery. a bakery would never hire him.

— you’ve given him the nickname of ‘cuddle bug’. why? because he’s such a gosh darn cuddle bug. will curl up to your side for hours while you finish any necessary paperwork and you two talk about the most recent case you worked while he’s mindlessly drawing little butterflies and hearts on your back

— after particularly rough cases, he runs you two a bubble bath to just soak in and spend some much needed and well deserved alone time together

༉‧´ˎ˗ bonus; you two have movie nights every friday where you lounge in the living room eating nachos and watching tv. surprise, he always weasels his way into getting to pick what you watch. even bigger ‘surprise’, it’s always Star Trek or some scientific documentary.

[mr-leach]

Thinking about how Ulder Ravenguard was so dead set on hating his son for not being a perfect replica of himself that he refused to listen to a single thing he said. He will not even consider listening unless you, a complete fucking stranger, step in to advocate for him, and even then it's an uphill battle. No amount of love or respect Wyll has for his father is enough to grant him any sort of grace; choosing his own path was so much of a slight in Ulder's eyes that Wyll might as well not even be his own son. The only surefire way to get him to understand is to literally break into his mind and show him what happened, and once he finally sees reason what does he do?

He immediately decides on what Wyll should do with his future now that he's back in daddy's good graces. Even sends him to go and finish a quest he himself started to prove his worth. Sure, when Wyll "fails" he acts forgiving, but his attitude is still that Wyll is just a younger version on himself and should act accordingly. Well now that you've earned forgiveness, son, you can get back to business as usual, clearly... regardless of whether that's what Wyll wants for himself or not.

Like. I have a lot of thoughts about this. For one, I have to wonder if Wyll hadn't made a pact with Mizora, or had made a pact with a divine or neutral patron rather than a devil...how long would Wyll and Ulder have actually maintained a good relationship after that night? Like, Wyll has this habit of talking about his childhood and adolescence in that...barely-fond manner. You know, where the person telling stories feels like they're sharing a sweet or funny anecdote, but to everyone else it sounds... miserable. There were parts of his upbringing that he surely enjoyed, but it is deeply overshadowed by a cloud of resentment that Wyll himself barely recognizes. He loves his father, and truly respects and looks up to him, but it's evident from the stories he shares that Ulder treated him more like a student than a son. Wyll was his protege more than his progeny, it sounds like.

And the way it affects how Wyll talks about himself is heartbreaking. He puts himself down all the time, makes self deprecating jokes, or makes unhealthy predictions of what others might think of him. The only time he doesn't...is when he talks about the Blade of Frontiers. He loves the work that he does so much, he is so passionate about being right on the front lines protecting innocents and doing away with evil, and he even takes pride in his decision to make his pact with Mizora because it's that power that he uses to help people. Like gosh, even when fretting over how others might perceive his devilish form, he concludes that, if people see him as a monster, then they'll get to watch a monster fight evil and save people's lives. It sounds cheezy as fuck but oh my god. Like talk about feeling inadequate and unloved but choosing a path for yourself that you can be proud of in spite of all that.

And then, just thinking of that reuniting exchange in and of itself, and just. You can tell just how used to being shot down Wyll is, even though he really, truly wants his father to understand him. And it takes actually forcing Ravengard to witness what happened to make any progress. Many of us wish we could project exactly what we mean or feel or experience directly into the mind of someone we're trying to get through to. And still it's like he can't see past his own selfish perception of Wyll as an extension of himself. Wyll seems satisfied in the moment, but it's apparent that he's still been misunderstood despite being forgiven by his father. It sucks.

[yak-leather-whips]

So this latest adventuring party at least for now puts to rest the idea that Kristen is going to give up being a cleric, and honestly? I think thats a much better thing for her character.

Cuz I get how a lot of people would feel that was a good choice for her, but if I’m being honest, it always seemed like…kind of a cop out to me. Like, to me it would kind of symbolize her reverting back to step one of her journey. Which is fine, you know, progress isn’t linear and all, but at this point, I think Kristen has made it to the point in her journey where she starts focusing on what she DOES want, rather than on what she doesn’t.

Like, for me, and also for a lot of other people, the first step on our journey out of religion was defining ourselves by what we’re against. Which, I wanna be clear, isn’t a bad thing! It’s a necessary step for a lot of people coming out of the sorts of all-consuming religious high control groups. We all know the stereotype of the ���New Atheist” who thinks being against religion is the edgiest, most radical position anyone could possible hold. They make it the center of their identity, and while it is a stereotype, it also represents a real stage that a lot of people go through on their journey. This isn’t just true of religion, it’s a stage of development we all go through. Its a great way to identify problems.

But…if that’s the only step you take…you might find it a lot less fulfilling of a journey than you anticipated, because identifying problems is not the same as solving them. Like Kristen says at the end of sophomore year, doubt is a tool, not a belief. And its an important tool, but it can’t be the ONLY tool, cuz once you find something you actually want to pursue and commit to, whether that be a relationship or a community or a project, you may find that you don’t actually know how to do that in a healthy way. You’ve identified that what you learned from the group is unhealthy, but learning how to leave doesn’t teach you how to build something new.

For a lot of people the journey they take in leaving a religious group involves a lot of exploring other belief systems of various kinds, and most people eventually find something else that speaks to them. Whether that be another religion, or a spiritual practice, or a philosophical framework, or magic, or the power of friendship, or communism, or self-help podcasts, or a combination of the above. Very few people stay in that place of skeptical detachment forever. But even once you find something that you do want to pursue, learning how to invest in that takes a lot of work, a lot of trial and error, and at some point its gonna require you to decide you want to stay and do the work rather than running away.

It seems like Kristen is in that stage, where she has found something she wants, something she really does care about and believe in, and for the first time since leaving the church, she is having to make the choice to double down; to invest in what she believes in and work through the problems, rather than detaching herself at the first sign of discomfort.

[520cafe]

sour grapes. lost in a train of thought

once again, you found yourself waiting anxiously outside the library with your eyes repeating the same lines of texts over and over. only this time, it was for all the wrong reasons.

with the overbearing class project in mind, you were reminded once more that you had no choice in the manner. as much as it was easier to simply just run away from your problems and become as avoidant as possible, that option was out of your reach. you couldn’t possibly make yourself out to be a bad team player if you just ditched blade alone to work on the project, even if blade was willing to work on the project alone, it would still be wrong.

therefore, you really had no choice. how hopeless.

this time, without calling upon a false spirit to help guide you, you slowly walked towards his table with heavy footsteps and a massive weight on your shoulders. the moment you turned a corner, you really couldn’t back down at this point.

at the same table sitting on the same chair as before, blade was quietly typing away on his computer surrounded by papers and open textbooks. the sight only further guilted you more that you had the thought of ditching him just because you wanted to avoid him as much as possible. it was the sounds of you pulling your chair which caught blade’s attention. his eyes looked surprised for only a split second before he quickly composed himself in front of you.

“you came.” blade muttered, as if he was fully expecting you to ignore him after you left his messages on seen.

“i did.”

in this moment, you already wanted the floor to swallow you whole. everything between the two of you was just tense and suffocating, a complete 180 compared to the feelings during mechanical fever’s concert which were a few nights ago. following blade, you got your laptop and turned it on, you already knew what to do so what was there to talk about?

“i’m sorry, blade.”

“… what?”

blade raised his head from the laptop in front of him as he eyed you with a confused and concerned look.

“i said i was sorry, blade.”

“for what exactly?”

“i may have overreacted that night after the concert and i proceeded to ignore your messages for a few days, i’m sure that worried you—”

however, your rambling apology was interrupted when you heard the sounds of blade standing up from his chair. you paused, suddenly feeling nervous for blade’s next set of actions. instead, he just went to the chair beside you and sat on it. after a few, yet dreadful, long seconds of just silence and his crimson eyes gazing upon you, blade lifted his hand to your forehead before he gently flicked it with his fingers.

“hey! what was that for?” you placed your hand to where blade flicked you on the forehead and his only response was a sigh.

“don’t apologise for such idiotic things.” he deadpanned. “i should be the one apologising okay? so don’t beat yourself over it.” he spoke as he slightly leaned back from you, you didn’t realise how close blade had actually gotten.

“i’m sure that you don’t like talking about our senior year. after all, it was rough for the both of us.” blade continued. the reminder of your senior year: breaking up with dan heng and your situationship with blade only bought more painful memories.

“which is why, i’ll promise that i will never bring it up again knowing how much it hurts you.”

this time, blade felt his heart race at unhealthy speeds to the point where it was concerning but he also couldn’t back down either, not when he was too far deep into whatever this was. was it a confession? a declaration? an apology? at this point he was letting his emotions get the better of him, and the sight of you was the primary cause of it.

you felt your breath hitch when blade’s finger started to ever so slightly graze over your hand. his finger felt rough and scratched but, it was the way he started to gently trace small circles on your hand that you felt unable to speak. his touch, it was hypnotic and almost made you feel helpless.

“but my feelings for you will still be as vivid as the night and remain unchanged, [name].”

🍇 SOUR GRAPES 〈 28 lost in a train of thought

━━ MASTERLIST. ╱ PREV. ╱ NEXT.

╰► SYNOPSIS. after being in the same tight-knit friend group for over a few months now, suspicions begin to rise when march, seele and bronya start to notice the awkward tensions between you and dan heng. little did they know, you and dan heng were once high-school sweethearts who shared a romantic and fairytale-like past where the pages only lasted for a year. this heartbreak led you to meet another unfortunate victim of cupid but that chapter flew away as quick as stardust. yet, it appears that you two were also destined to cross paths once more.

╰► [ a/n ] : okay but lowkey i was giggling and kicking my feet writing this PFFTTTT ALSO ONE MORE CHAPTER UNTIL ACT THREE

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