#i feel so old rn its fine
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Hey #GreekMythology tumblr, I want ya’lls help on something :).
So, I’ve been thinking about starting this massive project. Like, would take years and years work of writing and research and sheerly finding the time and motivation for. And as I was thinking about the specifics, I thought: why not bring others into it as well? Because as much as I am interested in a lot of Greek Mythology, there are things that are simply not my interests and might cause writers block and my goal for the project would to be as fun as possible. So, here we are.
What is the project exactly? Well, hopefully, it’ll be a long Ao3 series/fic focusing on the individual perspectives of various figures/events in Greek Mythology arranged in (semi/good enough) chronological order. I personally intend to write for Poseidon in his/my version of the Titanomachy and (maybe) some events that follow, if you want a little bit of an idea on what I’m talking about.
The limits on this are almost completely free, all that I ask are that each of your submissions are one POV only (and by that I mean your main subject’s POV). Why do I say this? I say this because that is what I want this project to look like. It doesn’t matter if it’s First, Second, or Third POV along with all the other variants of those three, my main focus is on the individual experiences of these individuals. Kind of like character studies, if you know what I mean. I’m intending for it to be mostly formal but I will absolutely accept crack admissions that I will probably put into its own series to Separate the Vibes for whoever comes by :).
Ultimately, this is a completely open-ended project that has absolutely no deadline. I’m about to go to bed so I can’t go into too much detail, but if you want to DM me or send any asks, I am completely okay with that and we’ll all flesh out the specifics we go :).
What is my overall purpose? Not only is this project made for my own individual purposes of learning more about the gods and other Greek Mythology writers, but it’s also the chance to spread the word of other writers. I know how hard it is to get specific audiences, especially when you’re shy, so this is a chance for your work to be stumbled upon. Each post on the eventual Ao3 fic will include your socials, how to find you, and your other general works on either ao3, tumblr, wattpad, or other :)
Can you participate even without socials or a tumblr page? Yes you absolutely can :). My asks will always be open to anons and I will do my best to give credit when I eventually post everything :). If you want to post multiple submissions or simply just want a trackable (between works) name to your writing, just sign something at the end. It could be a name, it could be a potential username, I don’t mind at all :)).
How do I submit things? Well, the best way would be to DM me :). I have a personal writing email separate from most things that would be perfect to either share a google docs with or to just send a copy-and-pasted copy of it. Otherwise, I take asks. None of them will be posted unless asked or we’re ready to so it’ll be safe to just drop them off in! It’s also where I take questions :).
Any other things to note? I’d really appreciate some other moderators and editors :). There’d only be like two or three of each and we’d have to know each other decently well before officially starting, but some help would be appreciated! Also, I’d like to keep a working ‘spreadsheet’ of who’s working on what just for people to see what’s going on :). Maybe some people can collaborate or it’ll encourage those niche writers to write :). A third thing is that most questionable stuff is accepted. I’d personally rather not handle all those things other than posting it so it might be a while until I can officially accept (consensual and/or graphic) ✨spicy stuff✨ but, other than that, I’ll take any of it (also, it’s Greek Mythology, almost all of it already happened). If someone’s willing to take over the ✨spicy stuff✨ then please DM me so we can work out the details and see if it’s a nice fit :)
Honestly, that all should be it. The main point is that I’m trying to start up a long-term project on Tumblr and Ao3 about what is essentially Greek Mythology character studies that not only allows for mass communication across a wide audience, but also (hopefully) gets some recognition for the smaller writers :). Feel free to DM me or send me asks with questions but for now, I shall sleep
Tagging: @bluebellstudio @thirteen-deaths-later @0lympian-c0uncil @happyk44 @h0bg0blin-meat @sworeontheriverstyx @deathlessathanasia @gotstabbedbyapen. Sorry if I tagged you and you want nothing to do with it, I just wanted to get it out there /pos /gen
#ya know this is the one time I regret deleting all my old accounts :/#I had such a large (ish) following on my old tumblr (neptunes-sea-of-writing btw if you recognize it)#that it’s kind of intimidating to restart again :(#need to do it tho. i just gotta#but I haven’t really written-#anyway that’s not this post’s problem#tagging everyone to try to get it out there#even if you aren’t interested#it’d be appreciated if you share anyway to get to a larger audience :)#i just. wanna build that community and know more things#as much as I’d love to tackle this project all on my own#I know I can’t and it wouldn’t be beneficial for me#but since a large portion of it is gaining knowledge#why not ask it from others?#tagging everyone to get it out there#also the general tag is going to be:#Neptune’s Big Ass Greek Mythology Project#bc why not :)#but seriously#consider it if it’s your thing#and if it’s not that’s fine#I remember being a small writer so intimidated to find people#and I’m feeling that feeling once again having started my entire platform over again :)#we’ve all got this. we’ll make it work /pos#greek mythology#also#you can write for absolutely any fandom#idc#as long as it’s one consistent pov of your focus character :)#also I’m like incredibly sleep deprived and tired rn ive been up since four am and its nine pm rn
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i love looking down or catching my reflection in a window and being like oh i forgot I'm hot today
#i mean. I'm hot everyday. but nonetheless#I'm really breasting boobily in this tank top rn and between the pants and my jewelry n my hair being done i look Fine (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ#i usually got a lil jacket on but today i just wore a vest out and don't have it on rn :3 i love that it's getting warmer!!#at its worse i had like 4 or 5 layers on just to hang out outside during winter 💀 spring my beloved#had a very passionate rant about spring with my nurse this morning 👉🏾👈🏾 i love it as much as fall. my favorite seasons hehe#i miss her.. she was so pretty and gay.. we had such a lovely talk together ૮ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ they r always so nicey to me at that clinic#lmaooo (´ . .̫ . `) actually i feel like i always miss my nurses throughout the day after seeing them there. i adore all of them#the front desk remembers me by name and everyone always calls me by my chosen name (❁´◡`❁) ♡ and make sure#they r pronouncing it right. my favorite one was this old lady who was very silly with me ╰(￣ω￣ｏ) i love old ladies. let's talk 🙇🏾♀️#im always a safe space for an old lady to be herself and be real w me. and silly if I'm lucky 🥺💕 let's be whimsical together 🫴🏾
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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#ay. i wish i wasnt such a cry bby. its so annoying#like pls just ignore my tears. i promise im fine. like probably#i did my target orientation today bc my background check went thru and my 1st full days starts tomorrow at 4.30am#and i just get overwhelmed by new situations. plus the humiliation being forced to take an academic break. plus i kept thinking abt how when#i moved to town my mom and i did a lot of my shopping there to fill out my room#itll b fine after a week or so. im just a lil overwhelmed rn. plus i filled out my resume for possibly getting a government job and asked#for recommendations. so it feels more real that i might not be going back to school in the fall and that's also overwhelming#and i have to focus on getting my masters stuff tied together this summer so im gonna have to meet with my old boss probably next week#again. just a lil overwhelmed. ugh. itll b fine#unrelated
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as a dr fan we need to acknowledge that some of the danganronpa characters suffer through chronic liners for bad humor by out-of-touch old guy writers syndrome
#glaring at himiko yumeno. kaede akamatsu. sonia nevermind. akane owari....#uhmmm if anyone wants me to explain i can i dont think i can organize my thoughts in tags rn... maybe later ugnnnn#drv3#danganronpa#Okay fine here are my thoughts#“chronic liners for bad humor by out-of-touch old guy writers syndrome” is a simplified term for this phenomenon where writers#give characters lines not to reveal their characters but to please the audience in distasteful ways for the sake of being ''funny''#(uh maybe i should like... do an actual proper text reblog for this because its hard typing this shit in tags but)#i feel like a huge example of this is kaede's comments towards tsumugi to the point shuich says shes an ''old creep''#although these comments *could* be an extension of her trait for pushing people too far (ex: the tunnel shit)#the comments actually dont. instead they are treated very unserious. in a way they feel so... vague and light#to the point that it appears that those comments *arent* trying to reveal anything about her character#especially since that trait is more specific than quite broad#i get people being uncomfortable with those comments (i am too) but they feel like a terrible#''writers talking through their characters for people to be more engaged with the media in a quirky relatable way'' than anything else#like ''writers are trying to appeal to the audience humor/desires and reach the audience's culture to the point of being out of touch"#so THATS the reason that i feel like it will be weird to shit on ''kaede defenders'' for the comments cuz they're just so..#detached from her character that people hardly take that as genuinely being apart of her character#and if it is genuinely apart of her character then its only as a way to keep people engaged with the story and character#it hardly adds anything meaningful to her character#fuck me these tags are long but onto himiko: most things ive said about kaede's comments apply to himiko's weird#fucking racism comments (ex: the afro comment that genuinely made me a little upset)#but to add onto that. himiko plays into a very specific trope that is ''lo1i girl'' and often that trope comes with quirky and “funny” trai#they're supposed to be so palatable and marketable to the audience and apart of the charm is how ''funny'' they are#the racism comment is way more revealing of the writers than himiko's character itself.. so no himiko is not racist; the writers are.#feeling the need to play into a trope by creating “funny” lines that is basically just fucking racism is just soooo danganronpa#*eyeroll*#and yeah i mentioned the other characters. sonia and akane being a victim of this phenomenon#although this moreso reflects the english translators than the writers of the game...#them randomly speaking in aave (which may i add theyd never do this) for the ''lols'' is a choice..
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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I can hear screams of 30 year old me from the future. They're telling me it's gonna b ok. Things are rly messy but they will pass. It's gonna be ok!!!! Stop worrying bitch, ponte las pilas we
#txt#it's so hard andnsjdjsjfjdjf#im like soooo worried rn abt work n getting hired ajsjajaaaaaaaaaa#theres sm ppl out there w incredible portfolios n experience aaajsjasjsj orz ITS FINE BITCH#my god truly ur 20s feel hellish. they say it gets more stable at ur 30s#7 years left....bruh. living until u hit 80....thats so much. so many years oofufbfb#SMACKING MYSELF. WHY AM I THINKIFN ABT HYPOTHETICAL 80 YERA OLD ME BITCH#FOCUS ON TODAY AND TOMORROW TF R U GONNA DO U GOT SM AHIT TO DOOOO TODAAAAY
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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mac i am so sorry to enter ur inbox with more qsmp but oh my god. qcellbit update. so he talked to bagi. his sister. he still doesn't remember her. he still needs time to process everything but she said she's waited fifteen years so she can wait a few more days. i'm crying and sobbing rn. also he doesn't even fucking remember what he did to get thrown in prison, all he knows is that he was killing people to survive one day and another he was behind bars. i'm UNWELL!!! he got called in to talk to cucurucho (the fuckin THING that's kind of the federation mascot and it tortured cellbit with a chainsaw months ago FUCK CUCURUCHO ALL MY HOMIES HATE CUCURUCHO) and he was just. fucking tired. yesterday he messed with the feds quite publicly and cucurucho questioned him about it and he said "i don't care what you do to me, you can torture me, i don't care. i just want my family back, i want a future with them. just give me peace. let me rest." HE SOUNDED SO FUCKING TIRED. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING UNTIL SOMEONE POSTED A TRANSLATION BUT HE SOUNDED SO SO SAD. AND NOW CELLBIT HIMSELF IS GOING TO TWITCHCON SO QCELLBIT IS TAKING A WEEK LONG DEPRESSION NAP. MAC CAN U HEAR ME. I'M UNWELL. I'M LOSING IT. THIS IS ME RN
anyway. hows ur day. i might go watch some steven universe bc i have been meaning 2 rewatch it (or adventure time!!!! one of the two for sure) take a short break from binge watching hannibal 2 watch a silly funny cartoon :3 also still trying to make my way thru marble hornets again it's just such an insane series 2 rewatch u know but i'm getting there!!! sorry i am just currently lying on the floor in my brain thinking about qsmp i had 2 tell u what happened 2 ur blorbo in law today
NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ABOUT PUTTING STUFF IN MY INBOX I LOVE GETTING MAIL I LOVE LEARNING THROUGH OSMOSIS I LOVE LISTENING 2 PPL TALK ATBT THINGS THEY LOVE
that sounss aboslutely DEVASTATING btw. oh my god. so the whole thing is like.. she remembers him but he doesnt remember her ?? GODDDD thats so upsetting. im glad hes getting 2 take a nap even if it is a depression one sigh. oh man oh man i love this.
my day was! good i think! i have not had a day to reat since my whole job shadow debacle last week so im kimd of running on fumes BUT . i have off work tmw so im gonna get a haircut and feel all good about everything. and maybe work on some art bc im now caught up to my pre prepped invertober images and i have a couple other time sensitive things like that. ougah. we keep truckin. ive got a huge backlog of youtube videos to watch from last week + beginning of this week i cannot Wait to get thru those and also watch more adventure time !! bc i have offically gotten to Stakes (a marcelone centric mini series) and it is one of my favorite eras ever. i love you vampire lore!!!
#im like... skooo tired rn. i dont have ANY more words left in me.#but like i also dont want 2 sleep yet#i didnt shower this morning bc our gas lines have been down for like 3 days and we ran out of hot water#BUT theyre back up now. but also its like 11pm and my family is asleep and i dont want to wake them up#but i feel soooooo gross and greasy#+ my hair is at that point where its like. Uncomfortably Long. getting back into oh fuck i look like a girl territory. eugh#but its FINE bc im getting it CUT tomorrow. my favorite place had one (1) opening tomotrow afternoon so i snatched that shit up RIGHT away#uhhh what else. i watched some scary movies today those r always fun.#every day i yearn to be a) a man covered in blood or b) a vampire bite victim but like in a fun homoerotic way#those two things are not mutually exclusive but you know what i mean. i need 2 look like will graham#asks#friends!!!#anachronistic-falsehood#i am also revisiting an old blorbo rn and the nostalgia is hitting sooooo badly#i will not name this blorbo bc im not into public humiliation like that but ohh my god. favoritest guy ever.#fundamentally changed my life type character.#category 7 insane person moment. we stay silly !!!#im like. sooooo sleepy and rambly but also i feel a little bit like an oyster rn
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gonna word vomit in these tags oops
#rambling to myself whatever#ik i just need to settle into this flat and get used to living by myself but im kinda like#hmm have i cursed myself w being lonely#i think also this flat is pretty dark bc the other buildings block out the sunlight so my seasonal depression is going crazy in advance#like its dumb but im not very approachable irl so i dont have many uni friends on my course and im just kinda#idk how i feel about it all#if my timetable stays the same i have tues and wed off and im getting in my head wo the distraction#like ik ill be fine in theory but im overthinking rn and its not even 3am lonely hours#and ik i can go out and do things by myself bc i often do but sometimes its nice to have the company#i made most of my friends at dorms but it was intercollegiate so they all go to diff unis to me so timetables clash double#and my closest uni friend is studying aboard in ny rn :(#idk i just feel like sometimes im not on the same path as everyone at uni rn#or maybe ur 20s are really just isolating idk#esp after the pandemic and many many lockdowns like i took a year out and all my old friends went straight to uni#and the diff in experience just meant they got closer and i got further#i only talk to one of them now and shes my ride or die but also she was kinda in a diff group of friends#and its funny (?) to think my main friendship group all still talk to each other#i just dont think im an easy person to be friends with#and idk why#its not for lack of trying or anything i just dont think im the type of person who has longlasting relationships#idk im not going into that rn#i also chose to go to a uni close to home so theres a lot that ive already done#its ok i can always do them again#but also im kinda like what if i just go home !! lmao#and itd be nice but i think itd make me feel worse when im back in the flat#hh whatever let me just get on with it and move on#its only 5 weeks until reading week and i only have this year left of uni#endure endure endure
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i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...
#... im not sure if itll be a full day or just 'more paperwork/general tour/training' tho kinda hopin for maybe like a half day TwT;;#im very nervous and considering taking one of the old anxiety meds i still have#from when i was in therapy. except idk if theyre still in date + they made me feel like a zombie which is why i stopped taking them lol#like i was SO out of it on them. but would that be preferable 2 the feeling of Soon Entering Cardiac Arrest levels of anxiety im having rn?#maybe...#+ going to take a sleeping pill around 10 to make sure i dont stay up all night freaking myself out#jkdkjfhjjk can my brain be normal about this. i havent even started the job yet calm down!!! calm down!!! its ok!!!!#i just feel so bad bc everyone has been rly nice. like 'omg yay u found a chill job w insurance RIGHT before u get kicked off urs thats#great ik youll do well!!' and its like well what if i DONT do well what if i freak out again. and self sabotage. then what. like i KNOW#its bad and i KNOW what i SHOULD be doing but its like herding geese over here in my brain zone. painful and bad and i dont understand why#things happen at all its confusing and frustrating to deal with#logically i know i need a job. i need to pay my debts and start saving and I WANT to move out! but its like that fine dining and breathing#scene from spongebob. brain on fire. lol#sanchoyorambles
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#hm. im in limbo. but at least i can draw again at last. ive never spent so long not wanting to draw. it was terrible#my job search lasted 4 days before i secured a position at target but i dont start until the 26th so im drifting until then#it feels so weird. like i dunno. i keep thinking abt jobs in a weird way now bc i just sorta drifted into what i do#weird academic stuff but i think most jobs arent like being a grad student and that never really occured to me#i dunno why. i could have done so many things but here i am. an ecologist mostly. i dunno. well see what the summer brings#maybe ill grow some social skills. its sorta weird but like the medication has made my head less terrible with intrusive thoughts. like i#can actually drive my car without hyperventilating which is fucking wild. so Maybe ill grow some confidence abt interacting with the world#going back in the fall still seems impossible rn but so does starting a job somewhere else. but i dunno#not where i expected to be in my life. im just lucky i dont have to worry much abt money#especially bc i got an ultrasound done so they cold make sure something wasnt wrong with my uterus#and its fine. guess it just hates me but that means i spent like 350 dollars for a 10min scan that showed nothing#ay. the us medical system#anyway. i guess ill continue drifting until the 26th#probably i should find something to do. or work on my old unpublished data#unrelated
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developing what seems to be a cold at the same time as this tooth thing is Just what i needed, very cool very dope
#ash.txt#idk if its a mix of feeling under the weather myself or just the actual weather being so Shit#but ive felt a little crappy lately anyway#like regardless of illness n whatnot fghj#just a little despondent i guess#ive been so paralysed with having to job hunt that i just... havent been#which is my own fault of course i need to be more proactive but man#i dont have any references yet i have to get in touch with my old boss and tutors#and the tutors are fine but i havent spoken to my old boss in years and i feel rude-#-just out of the blue emailing her like 'haha heyyy how ya doin can u tell prospective employers im a delight to have??'#idk if i even Have her email anymore or phone number#stuck in a rut rn man. feels bad.
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#toy txt post#i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me#but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going#to feel Like This#at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service#time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job#which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and#have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate#not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was#that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that#but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know#i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me#w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense#and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just#like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing#nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL#im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl#i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning#as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own#not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting#and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just#i dont fucking know#im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl#to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school#im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too#outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk#rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure#been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything#i have too much shit i should rid of#whatever
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reaching for my phone like oh no! i almost went to bed without listening to the new fob song. surely this is what i need right now. (<- naive bastard)
#fob#i KNEW it would sound like their older sound but i was NOT ready#the intro ended and tears immediately came to my eyes#it feels like a hug. like going home. im sooooooo normal right now!#god. 13 year old me 🤝 me rn: laying in bed at night in the dark listening to fob#the more things change the more they stay the same eh?#its so- its fine! its fine! why am i crying#fall out boy#paramore and fob both giving me fucking compounding brain damage in 2023
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the corpse of king minos is very fucking big and Scary but you can parry his punches pretty easily and thats the easiest way i can explain how good ultrakill feels
#but even when the game is actually hard and kills me several times i dont feel like quitting?#i turn it off after 2 - 3 missions because thats the amount of time it takes for my body so get so Over Excited it stops aiming right#but i havent actually felt like ragequitti g#because the game just feels so good#i can ramble about how good ultrakill feels for HOURS bro#ramblings#switching between guns. the variants. coin tossing never gets old. accidentally exploding yourself with your own shotgun#fucking. SOUND EFFECTS#that too like when you parry. that sound?? makes my autism happy#THE SLIDING SOUND AOUGH#the fact that it does sound like ur made of metal but not in a bad screechy way that makes me want to cry#in a world where realistic movement physics are the norm having this much control. god#the witcher 3 is one of my favorite games ever. just as an example. but i DREAD playing that again knowing how walking around feels#yes sometimes in ultrakill you overshoot something because youre Fast but thats also just me needing to stand perfectly right for terminals#'look we have realistic physics' ok COOL BUT ARE THEY ACTUALLY FUN TO PLAY WITH#hyperrealism is impressive in videogaming YES but its also led to this monolith. in triple a#i do want to give credit where its due once i got used to the destiny warlock jumps (blink especially) that game felt really good too#but ultrakill doesnt force me to socialize and has a much more pleasant community so im fine where i am rn. actually#ive done all totk dungeons (I THINK) except for the final chasm and let me tell you. i dont want to fight any of those bosses ever again#why js that relevant? ive already beaten 1-4 twice and will probably go for my second 3-2 run tomorrow. THIS GAME. BOSSES. AAAAAAA#i love totk but those bosses were a fucking nightmare#thats gonna be a separate post
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