#logically i know i need a job. i need to pay my debts and start saving and I WANT to move out! but its like that fine dining and breathing

[sanchoyo]

i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for mentioning college again to my online friend, despite her telling me she knows it's not for her/not making a decision about it right now?

We both turned 18 this year, and are in our last years of highschool, and hopefully will both graduate this year! We met two years ago, and call and play games together sometimes, send each other selfies, share our silly crushes—she's the best girl friend I have right now and im very grateful for her.

Some info about me: both of my parents grew up very low income and from rough places and got full scholarships/a deal(like they pay for your college, and then you work for them after), because of this they're financially doing much better than both their families(my mother regularly sending money back home to pay for surgeries , bills, etc.). All of this is to say I've been raised with the mindset that higher education is my ticket to bettering my life, and I take school very seriously. I live in an area with a lot of immigrants, and all my friends do plan on going to college. Here is my disclaimer that I know college is *not* for everyone, and you do not need to go to college to be successful. But my friend is in the same stage in life as me, and I think it could be beneficial for her. She's not the best student at all(also home-schooled and does online schooling), but she's passing all her classes. We've talked about it before and I've asked if she's thought about college, and she said no because everyone in her family who went was just left with debt. Additionally she's not motivated in school now, so she doesn't think she would be motivated in college and would just end up as a "money dump". She's also talked about college with her mom, who said that she was only 18 and didn't need to make decisions about it right now. Right now her plan is to get a minimum wage job after high school(she's mentioned a fast food chain). I do think it would be good for her to get out of the house because right now she's basically stuck at home because her mom doesn't like going places. To my knowledge she has no friends irl, because of the homeschooling. Which is one of the reasons why I think college would be great for her--the chance to be with other people your own age.

We've only talked about college one time where I just asked, and after that I haven't mentioned it because I don't want to act like I have any say in her life decisions or make her feel bad. I've just been thinking about it lately because logically to me it seems like if she did want to go to college, now would be the best time because she would have the support of her online school where she has a counselor. Her mom didn't go to college and she isn't in regular contact with her dad.

For more context my family is middle class and I'm not sure what her financial situation is, but I do know comfortable but not deeply so. I would hate to bring up college if it's something she knows she cant afford( but long term I think going to college would help her make more money than any job she started now, which is why Im thinking about bringing it up again). I don't know if this is enough context, and I'm willing to provide more! I'll admit I'm not the smartest teen out there, so if you see any thing wrong with my thinking or think I'm a total asshole please tell me and I'll check my behavior. Im also keeping in mind her lack of motivation that she mentioned she had in school, and of course her mental health and wellbeing is of like. the utmost importance.

so, would I be the asshole for bringing up college with her again, despite knowing her situation? I really love this friend and the last thing I would want to do with her is be disrespectful and insensitive. thank you for very much, Tumblr! any advice you can give in the comments would be greatly appreciated.

What are these acronyms?

[dzpenumbra]

2/26/23

I didn't get a lot of sleep today. I woke up early. I think I had intense dreams, again, don't remember. I got up and was going to pass out in the comfy chair, but just decided to stay up.

I finally got a bookcase. It was delivered yesterday. I spent a big chunk of the day putting it together, and fixing up the old table I got from my brother and sister in law. So... for the first time since my move-in in mid December... I started to unpack my stuff.

For years and years, I lived in my old house with stuff still in boxes in the living room. Like... 80% of my possessions just sitting in cardboard boxes in my living room. I had 3 empty closets and tons of space to put stuff. And I just... I couldn't figure out why my house was so messy! And I couldn't figure out the subconscious logic behind the boxes.

Now... it's starting to make more sense. As I finally make deliberate different choices, the contrast is starting to make sense. I'm making this place my home. I'm settling in.

The irony? The bookcase that my mom got me is designed to be foldable... so that it's easier for me... when I inevitably move. Like... even she is subconsciously aware of this, and hasn't connected the dots on why all my shit has been in boxes for years.

Why would I unpack? I might have to leave overnight. I might get my financial funding pulled. I might get evicted. I might <insert PTSD disaster scenario here>.

I remember back in like... 2016? 2017? My former best friend and her husband were like... showing off their bug-out bags to me, and talking about how they were like... because of the "tension with China"? or something? Ready to dip out in a moment's notice. Well... I mean, they'd be able to dip out for like... a few days... The rest of their stuff would be fucked if they left it.

But me? The majority of my precious possessions would just need to have the box they're stored in taped shut and put in a vehicle. My entire house is a bug-out bag. XD And it has been for a very long time. Ever since I moved off my parents property.

I came back from college and moved into my parents' property, above a 2-car garage. I actually moved in there, I made it a home and everything. When my ex and I "decided" to live together... aka when I decided to move... I wanted to make that a home as well. I tried to. But I wanted to make it a home with her. Together. But she was... obsessed with "work". Obsessed with making money. Obsessed with being "productive". Obsessed with paying off these mysterious debts that she never talked about, never showed me, never... oh boy... big red flags there, eh? Well, you know... you try to be nice and not pry when people seem really anxious and insecure and uncomfortable... and they just really take advantage of that, don't they? Yikes.

So... I got her a job. Through family connections. A great job, at a cool place. And she spent all her time there, and like no time with me. And when she got home, she'd just go in the spare room that was supposed to be my art studio... but became reserved for her second work-from-home job. And she'd just go work a shift there. And I'd take care of the dogs, and cook dinner, and play games and watch TV. And we'd just like... never really do shit together. We would play games sometimes - Diablo 3, Minecraft, League of Legends, Starbound, Starcraft 2 - I taught her from scratch, she got pretty good. But she would get frustrated and just drop it after a while. Work always took center stage. Despite rent being completely covered for her. Despite all her bills being taken care of. Despite never discussing a plan and refusing to discuss budgeting. Despite me giving her basically all of my savings to help her pay off her debts.

I know that in the future, if I see that, I need to be more suspicious. It feels unkind to do so, and I really don't know how to be... careful? Self-protective? In a way that is respectful. In the sense that... I err waaaaaay too far onto the side of self-sacrificing, yielding, etc. Giving way too much benefit of the doubt. But I'm not going to crack that nut tonight.

Because of this massive rift she was creating, how busy she was intentionally keeping herself, we had less and less in common, less and less shared. That, combined with her odd paradoxical obsessions with wanting to stay in a relationship with me, but being obsessed with the concept of "independence"... she ended up enslaving herself. And blaming me.

I didn't deserve the blame. I was just trying to create a home. A life. A shared home. A shared life. (again, a goal that... apparently... due to her obsession with independence... she did not share and did not disclose.) I put the development of that home on hold until she was ready to participate. And the place was cavernously empty for like 2-3 years. Because I was just... waiting. Waiting for her to make up her mind. She started to rent her own apartment on the side, while "living" in my house. We would fight regularly and she would retreat to her apartment. That went on for months. If only I had a good friend to like... sit down and tell me that was... really not normal. And that what she was doing behind the scenes... was not worth giving her dozens of second chances for. That I deserved much better.

All the while, the majority of my possessions were being stored above my parents' garage, still waiting to be moved in. And... my mom started renovating it. And she told me to get my stuff out of there, but I didn't really have a place to put it. I didn't want the clutter in the main room to upset my ex or make the place feel like... like it wasn't a home. I didn't want to store my stuff in "our" empty, unused studio space, which eventually just turned into... her spare bedroom while we were mildly fighting. Barren, dark and haunted when she retreated to her apartment when the fights got bigger.

After the breakup, and a long mourning period because this breakup synced up with some very tragic deaths, I reclaimed my possessions from my above parents' garage. That's where the boxes came from. The dreaded boxes. That's when the boxes started.

A lot of my possessions were covered in a coat of drywall dust. Splattered with paint and stuff. It... sucked. It hurt. Like... my college degree was damaged in that process. Whatever an art degree from a state college is worth in fucking 2023. And it hurt a lot. And I blamed myself. I didn't really feel like I had a choice, and it wasn't my fault, I was the victim there... but... I blamed myself. I salvaged what I could, which was a lot. But I left a lot of it there, and I wouldn't be too surprised if it was just kinda gone now. Things with my family were... shockingly horrible at that period in time. Surreally transforming. I think it was mostly because of my older brother getting married, big life transition growing pain kinda stuff. People don't tend to really understand that even big good things can also be traumatic, it's all in how it's processed and what it does to you. And I really think that's what was going on there, and no one really knew what was going on? Why they were so upset and the world was really threatening all of a sudden? (spoiler: it was big change) And I, the middle child, the black sheep, the weird dude with tattoos and camo pants and a Parkway Drive wifebeater with a peace sign on it, barefoot with stupid cheap sunglasses and a short mohawk... I'm an easy target. I'm a skateboarder. It's really fucking easy to have your boss treat you like shit and just take it, have someone cut you off in traffic and just take it, have a cop give you a stupid ticket for no reason and just take it, and then find a skateboarder skating in your parking spot and scream at them for 20 minutes about how they're going to hurt someone and "that's fucking illegal!"

I wish I wasn't used to it.

ANYWHO. Big can of worms there we're not getting into tonight... XD

So, the boxes that I brought back from my old place, from above my parents' garage, that had been there for like... a year or so already? They stayed on the floor of my main room in my old house for... 3 years? Give or take? Maybe 4? Early Summer 2019 to... Winter 2022. 3.5 years, let's go with that, split the difference.

I got a lot of shit for my stuff being there. And... I never unpacked it. I mean, I did with some of it, but like... not all of it. Just what I needed at the time.

My home did not feel like my home. Because it was never intended to be my home. That was never the plan. And I tried to make it my home. Especially during the pandemic, after I got off meds. I turned the old haunted workspace into an art/streaming studio, which was tremendously emotionally difficult and subsequently liberating. I made sure my dog knew very clearly that the futon mattress that my ex used to sleep on in the spare room was 100% hers (my dogs, that is, not my ex...), but I was going to nap on it with her sometimes because I wanted to be close to her. I reclaimed the space. The best I could.

And it was a house. But it was not a home. It wasn't my home. It was someone else's home that I was living in. And they lived on the property. And they were just... biding time until I left. Completely unaware of the severe water damage to the walls from shoddy construction. And I have no idea how they were unaware, because they were literally picking up pieces of rotting wood falling off of the walls when they were mowing the yard. But that, also, is a story for another day.

This apartment. It's... hard to tell what it is to me. Is it a transitional space? Is it... dare I say... home? At least for now?

I had no problem making a space a home for my dog and cat (who I miss so, so dearly every day), I have no problem making a space a home for a partner. Especially if it's a task we do together, building a home together. Good lord, that's an absolute fantasy of mine. I've wanted that for so long. But, apparently, I have a problem making a home for myself.

I have no problem making a home in Rimworld. Or in Minecraft, I've made tons of homes in Minecraft, and they're all very neatly organized and designed really cool and everything. I can actually see them in my head right now! The one I made in a snowy pine biome, the A-frame with the big floor to ceiling glass windows looking out over the valley. The farm house by the beach on the old modded server I played on with my ex-friend from Florida and his dad, with a big Chisels and Bits roof, and a deck looking out over the big corn and cotton and strawberry fields. With the huge sprawling dirt roads that stretched to a small coastal village with a marble train station with Chisels and Bits stained glass windows in it. The beach house I made in my last Valhelsia Vanilla world... then the starter house and the 2-story farmhouse and the massive wheat fields and Create windmill that I expanded to later... on my short lived but long-payed-for 2-player multiplayer server. Fort Saiga, with it's giant hedge maze inside the perimeter of the walls, that I built with my friend who lived in North Carolina back in like... oh good lord... this had to be... 2012? There was even a home that I built into the interior second floor of a gigantic Aztec temple that I built on the multiplayer server where I was a Mod and met my ex-Florida friend. So many homes. I'm not even going to get into Rimworld. I've almost hit 4k hours in that game. Countless homes.

So I can make a home for myself. And I enjoy it. But... I don't.

Because life is not secure for me. It's not predictable, it's not safe. I might have to pack all my shit and move in a week. My life has just... been that. That's my best guess. That's the closest I can get to unraveling this mystery right now. And I'm sure... like the mystery of my ex hiding her expenses and normalizing renting an apartment while in a live-in relationship... in about 5 years time I'm going to look back on this and see it clear as day. So here's a message to Future Me. Hi. You're kinda lucky. It's pretty spooky to be in this place. Not really knowing why shit is happening, big blank spots where there should be answers. Having all the data in front of you and not being able to piece it together.

I guess that's just... life. Right? Like... that's the point of learning, right? XD I mean, it's so damn simple but I don't think people really think about it. I hear shit like that a lot. "I don't know how to play guitar, so I'm never going to learn how to play guitar." What?! XD That's literally how learning works. I mean... no one can just... Matrix jack download information directly into their brain, it just doesn't work like that. Even if you could, you would lack context. That information would sound like gibberish, you wouldn't have the hands-on experience to apply it!

I fixed a piece of furniture today. I was warned that the legs of this table were wobbly, and the drawers were sticky. They were not wrong. I made the error of attacking this problem first, then assembling the bookshelf second, which was an error because... I didn't have a hex wrench. I always lose them. And the bookcase had one in it the whole time. Apparently people are just using the most annoying, easy to lose tool on the planet as the standard hardware now... I mean, it makes sense, it's a good design, lots of leverage, less risk of stripping screws, I get it... but hex wrenches hurt the hell out of my hands and I lose more of them than I do socks. Just sayin.

My point here is that I flipped this table over and studied the parts. Legs attached by screws with a washer and a metal ring, for spacing I guess? A wood corner piece that it screws through to hold the leg in place, on all four corners. Hex screws on all of them. So I took the legs off, checked the metal sockets on the legs to make sure they weren't loose or wobbly, seemed legit, and then screwed it back in and used pliers to get them firmly tight. That's where the hex wrench would've come in handy... Then I removed the drawers, studied the construction. Basically a piece of wood tacked to the bottom with a slot in it, and the corresponding puzzle piece attached to the table itself. I inspected the inside of this lock and key kinda mechanism and saw a lot of... some kind of residue built up. Could be anything really. So I spent a good amount of time getting sandpaper in there and just... sanding and wiping the gunk out of it. The best I could. The part attached to the table itself was easier than cleaning out the slot, but I did a pretty good job. Then I just put them back in, made sure they were aligned right and... ta-da. Not really good as new... if I actually manufactured new wooden parts for it, I would absolutely say so... but... much improved! Very stable, the drawers slide fine, don't stick.

All it took was an inquisitive mind. And a willingness to make mistakes. And to learn from, and fix those mistakes. That's all. And I learned a lot today about that, I feel much more capable of taking on other furniture projects now. Assembling the bookshelf after that felt like putting together legos compared to troubleshooting something without a manual or instructions. You know? It's a completely different experience, a different way of using your brain.

So... I guess I'm kinda hinting at... well, kinda more than hinting at, I'm kinda just saying... Maybe it's okay for me to not fully know what the deal with the boxes and making big messes everywhere is about. I'll find out in time. That doesn't mean... stop looking. That doesn't mean "never learn guitar". That doesn't mean "I'm a messy person, so fucking deal with it." It means... I don't know now because I lack that perspective. But I might in the near future. And it might teach me a lot about how to improve my life even more. It might just be a blind spot for me.

That said, I think I started to open the door on that realization today. And the ironic part, I had a live stream on most of the day of this pair of bald eagles nesting in California. Here, I'll share the link, I've been visiting a bit.

As I was sorting my stuff, putting some in storage, putting others in a more... accessible, intentional space on a bookshelf... I was kept company by a family, in their home, with their expected children. It was heartwarming, and I think encouraging.

I got a lot done, about half of the main room is in much better shape. My work space is coming up next. And my new computer desk should be arriving soon to herald that next phase of home development. My whole computer and work space is shared right now, and it's incredibly cramped. The new desk will be wonderful for computer and music stuff, writing and maybe even some drawing. Then art projects will happen on my drafting table. For now... until I can get a table that's a bit more sturdy, that ideally has a pegboard or built in tool storage included.

Until then? I'm going to have a massive pile of art supplies and tools just chillin on the floor within a reasonable arm's reach. Which... if you've ever met me in the wild - which you haven't because I'm a hermit... but... let's just use our imaginations here - is kinda just my natural state of being.

Hey, check that out, I don't even have to reset the vibes at the end of this. :) It's been a while! Have a good night!

[the-bjd-community-confess]

bear with me here. lately, well, for the past 6 months we’ve been trying to buy a house. rent in my area is terrible and moving out of my area isn’t an option, so in theory it’s literally cheaper to buy a house. plus my bf and i have good (for our area) jobs. however we wanted to only put down 15%, so we need this thing called mortgage insurance. which also goes through a credit check, like the mortgage would. we’re on the mortgage together. somehow i was approved for the mortgage but denied for the insurance, because them checking my credit lowered my score to one fucking point below what’s needed. i don’t have a bad score, or a terrible debt to income ratio, my score is literally only “fair” because i bought a car 3 years ago and that vs my student loans that i’ve had for ages lowered my credit age, and therefore my score. bc. i don’t fucking know. capitalism™️. so we have to put down 20% of a down payment which we didn’t budget for because we were fine if it weren’t for, y’know fucking credit bureaus. it’s an extra 10k we don’t have because we didn’t expect to need.

so anyway i’m taking it hard. real hard. because along with my house savings i obviously also have a doll savings (it’s much lower though) for, you know, my expensive hobby that i finally started to being able to like actually buy for around 4 years ago. and i feel guilty because it’s like, if it wasn’t for my score and if i wasn’t indulging on things that make me happy, i’d be able to save more for “””adult things””” like buying a house. i almost in a panic started calculating and figuring out how i could sell my collection and all my doll stuff because i’m sure if i sold literally everything i have related to the hobby i would be able to cover the extra 10k. i was like packing shit up and taking pics in a fugue state before my bf stopped me and was like it’s not your fault?? but anxiety and growing up poor af until this job i got after college says otherwise. as a kid and even in college i did not buy anything that wasn’t necessary or if i did it was a long time saving for like a 60$ video game, so having this much fucking money (comparatively) is so wild to me and i was so excited to finally collect and sew and create for these beautiful dolls i’ve always admire. my collection is mostly the “”cheaper dolls”” with some expensiver dolls (resinsoul is great though i legitimately love them for more than $ reasons),

i buy a lot of second hand because i love restoring things, i don’t even buy the big fancy full sets (i shell ocs mainly), and tend to use layaways to assuage my anxiety about paying sums of money over 3 digits. somewhere inside me my brain says “you brought this on yourself, you knew this was a waste of money”. it’s not i know logically, especially if all my other needs and debts are taken care of, but like. h

tl;dr so anyway this is a fucking weird ass confession. i feel sick for even indulging in this hobby and spending money on things i like instead of only paying my bills and food and taking care of my cats bc i could have used that money to add to my house savings to offset my apparently shitty credit score. i’m contemplating a second job and selling every doll thing i have because i don’t feel like i’m pulling my weight even though i am according to my bf. we’re not going to be homeless, we’ll just sign another year where we are, but it’s crushing to know that i clawed my way to stable income and doing something that makes me happy and i still can’t even be good enough for a house that’s only about 130k . that’s so so fucking cheap in this state it’s insane. i hate everything and feel so fucking guilty.

~Anonymous

[yuna-writes]

Real life makes no sense but making the most of it

You know what I realize while navigating through life as a somewhat older adult....real life makes no sense and there's a lot of contradictions into it. I go through my day trying to make sense of it but the more I go into the rabbit hole, I come out of it into absurdities. It's like funny too, when you were younger your parents are always the people who tell you what's right or wrong, or to follow certain social rules. But as I experience life a bit a more, I realize those rules don't really apply as much. Maybe it's because my parents grew up in a different time period. I doubt they ever experienced a global pandemic haha. It's not the same world they've navigated as younger adults.

Some things I don't really understand as much is people getting punished for following the rules. I see hard working people who went to college, got good grades, graduated with a lot of debt, but still can't really find stable employment. Once they do find stable employment, they either experience overwork, being underpaid, and then eventually being laid off even though they put in the hard work and long hours. And yeah, I suppose this can be a traumatic experience to a lot of people, but it was always lingering in the back of my thoughts so I didn't really take the conventional route and strictly follow the rules. Because I do think the rules aren't played fairly.

It's the funny contradiction that you need a job to get experience, but many employers want someone with experience to get a job. So how can a new grad get experience if no one would bet on them? Then they tell college graduates to get low paying internships or even non-paying jobs to get experience. Let me tell you, there are tons of jobs that don't require a degree and still pay people minimum wage. So other's people's logic is to place college students with some form of college debt and make them work in non-paid internship. And yeah, that's totally a scam if you think about it in the grand scheme of things. But I went through that experience and came to a realization that the system really do fail people who really believed in the rules. Maybe it worked out for some but I think a lot of people start to realize they've been mislead.

I don't know. It's like I have this keen ability to see all the loopholes but then can't figure out how to get out of it myself. I still haven't really established my business yet but if it does take off then I guess I won't really have to follow the rules of what it means to be an employee. It's really funny too, because I notice the hard working employees get laid off at work but the disengaged and poor performing employees are still working at a company. A lot of the times, these decisions come from the higher ups who just make these biased decisions on what they feel is right. You could work incredibly hard, sacrifice your weekends for work, and even get promoted...but still get let go because you were too expensive to keep. Meanwhile, even though other employees might be poor performing, they are still employed because they are paid very low. Profit is still profit to companies.

Times likes this, you just want to find other ways to get out of corporate greed and find other forms of life fulfillment. But this mindset is incredibly difficult to adapt too. You're always told to study hard in school, work hard at your job, but the outcome is that your effort don't mean much in the grand scheme of things. To be honest, it sort of feels like the 'nice girl' or 'nice guy' syndrome. You can be the most nicest, friendliest, caring and loyal person but people still hate you and will end a relationship with you for whatever reason. And yeah, the more you realize life itself has it's absurdities, contradictions and unfairness then you're on the first step to 'freedom.'

[bleedingpeanutbutter]

The complete guide of finance and freedom

To me life is about freedom first and foremost, and money can make you a slave. Personal Debt is slavery. Now a case can be made that some business debt is good, and I would agree but that is outside the scope of this post. 

Because of decisions I made when I was younger I have rebuilt my finances several times. This is how I did it. How I got money to be my slave rather than my master. How can mastering money give us freedom? Let's start with debt.

Personal debt is a major emergency.

There are two basic ways to pay off debt.

#1 The snowball method. This is the method that works best for me. Basically you take all your debts and pay them off from lowest to highest. So you pay the minimum on everything except the lowest debt then take all the extra money you have each month and pay as much as you can on the first dept. Once that is paid off you go on to the second debt and so on. This gives you a psychological win, that I found personally very rewarding. This is the method Dave Ramsey talks a lot about here and personally I have found that this calculator works well This should include paying off your house ASAP. 

#2 The logical method. Basically pay off your highest interest debt first to your lowest interest debt last. This is mathematically the best way to go. Personally I found the snowball method rewarding and worked for how I am wired. You have to find what works best for you.

The next step is automating your finances.

Here is how to do it 

Basically put all your bills on autopay to your credit card. Then have that autopay from your checking account every month to pay off the card. Managing your money should take minutes a month not hours. You may need to pay larger bills like a mortgage on the lenders website every month but that should take five minutes. Bill should not be a worry.

Next is investing. Once your debts are paid off, time to get to work saving and building wealth.

This is surprisingly simple as well. Unless you want to dedicate your life to studying business and stocks, then invest in an index fund every month consistently forever. You will beat the market and about every money manger every time. 

Also know that financial advisors make money if you do or not. They also make money when you MOVE money around. You make money when you DON’T move money around. Investing is a game of patients. The average money manger will cost the client 100k in lost investing opportunity. 

Next step is early retirement.

Basically you need to live as inexpensively as possible and save as quick as possible. You need 25 times your annual spending. If you have no debt then you should basically be down to insurance, food, taxes and utilities. It should be pretty cheap. Add it up realistically and find that number. If you need 40k a year, then you need about a million bucks. This is totally doable for most people. Here is a great post about it

But what happens if you can live comfortably on 25k? Now you just need to save 625k to live forever with no job. It’s pretty simple math.

Your money or your life is another great book on the topic, check it out here (not affiliated link)

Thats the basics. Get to it and be free!

[mldrgrl]

Broken Things 2/24

by: mldrgrl Rating: varies by chapter, rated R overall See Chapter 1 for summary and notes

Mulder blinks in surprise at the widow’s sudden dismissal.  He’s overwhelmingly concerned for the welfare of this woman he’s just met and he has no idea what to do about it, but he does know he can’t just leave her here.  

Moments ago he was looking around this house, thinking that it might just crumble around them where they stood.  The place looks to be already abandoned, far worse than when Old Man Goodwin was living here, and he wasn’t much of a housekeeper.  There are no furnishings.  No dishware or pots and pans that he can see.  No lamps.  Not a knick knack or vase of flowers.  She has nothing.  Less than nothing, really, and he finds that to be unbearable.

The only thing Mulder knows about the widow, Katherine, is that she’s well-spoken and has been educated.  Somewhere along the way there has to have been a fall from grace.  Life has handed her a raw deal, that much he can gather, but there’s a spark of determination in her to keep her head above it all.  She’s utterly captivated him and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let anything happen to her.

A wild idea pops into his head and he’s never been one to pass on a whim, wild or not.  His gut tells him what he’s thinking might be crazy, but he’s followed his gut on crazier notions before and he’s learned to trust his instincts.

“Marry me,” he says.

“I’m...sorry?” Katherine asks.  Her right eyebrow lifts into a perfectly peaked arch and he’s never found anything so endearing in his life.

“Hear me out before you object.”

“I’m listening.”

“Do you have a copy of the lease your husband signed?”

“I do.”

“May I see it?”

She hesitates for a moment, but then turns and moves to the back of the room.  She reaches under the bedstead and returns with a tattered bible which she thumbs through and takes out a folded scrap of paper.  He takes it from her, unfolds it, and then reads it.

“This is good,” he says.  “Exactly as I’d hoped.  Your husband signed a five-year lease with an option to purchase at the end of the term.  Do you know if he has a will?”

“None I’m aware of.”

“And there are no children?”

Her lips part on a breath and then she closes them again and swallows before answering.  “I am unable to have children.”

“I see.”  He folds the lease agreement back along the original creases and hands it back to her.  She slips it into the pages of the bible again.  “Well, in the absence of any will, you would be the sole beneficiary.  If we were to marry, I would assume your assets as well as your debts.  I can pay what’s owed and if Mr. Skinner will allow it, make good on the option early.  And you do know that it would also mean that what I own becomes yours as well.”

“I am quite certain you could own this land without marrying me.”

“That’s true I probably could.  But, then where would that leave you?”

“I haven’t quite solved that particular problem yet, but you certainly don’t need to concern yourself with it.”

“Oh, but I do.  Now that I know you, I can’t leave you here.  You’ll be removed from the property soon enough and with no people to come for you or to return to...well, I couldn’t stand by and see that happen.  My conscience would not allow it.”

“I could find work.”

“Out here?  The only spot in town that would hire you is a house of ill-repute.  Unless you plan to walk to Fort Worth, and even then there aren’t a lot of...look, I bet you know how to mend things?  Cook some?  Clean?”

“Of course.”

“I would offer you a job in that respect, but towns are small and people talk.  If I take you on as a single woman to a ranch with six men about, people may think something improper was going on and that would affect business.”

“I’m not your responsibility, Mr. Mulder.”

“All my friends just call me Mulder.  You might not be my responsibility, but I happen to like you.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know you’re smart and you’re kind and I enjoy speaking with you.  And I know you don’t deserve to be put out on the street with nowhere to go and no people to turn to.”

She looks down and away from him and he moves his hand out to lift her chin, but thinks better of it and doesn’t touch her.  He knows horses a lot better than he knows people, and hardly knows a thing about women, but she reminds him of a spooked colt and he doesn’t want to overwhelm her and cause her to retreat.  Horses will hurt themselves out of fear, and she just might do the same.

“Think of it as a business arrangement,” he says.  “You will be in charge of the household duties, and if you ever decide you’d like to leave, I will be sure you’ll go with the value of this land in your pocket.”

“Cooking, cleaning, mending,” she mumbles.  “What else might you be expecting?”

“I’m not looking for sport, if that’s what you’re thinking.  I told you, there’s a house in town and If it was sport I was after, there are certainly far cheaper alternatives.  Excuse me for being blunt.”

“No, I appreciate your honesty.”

“You can trust me.”

“I’d like to believe that.”  With her head still lowered, she reaches up and brushes the side of her hand across her eye.  “What if one day you find a woman you actually wish to marry?  Start a family.  What would happen then?”

“You don’t have to worry about that.  I have a singular focus and nothing else matters to me.  But, if you should wish to marry, one day-”

“I won’t,” she says quickly, and firmly, shaking her head down at the floor.  “I do not wish to marry again.  I mean...aside from what you’re proposing.”

“Is that a yes?”

“You would really do all of this for a bit of land?”

“It’s good land.”  He pauses and twists his lips for a moment or two.  “But, as I’ve told you, it’s not just for the land.”

She finally glances up at him, but then quickly looks away again.

“Do you believe in fate?” he asks.

“I believe God has a plan for everyone.”  Her brows furrow.  “But, fate?  Logically, I would have to say no.”

“One of my horses threw a shoe today.  I wasn’t supposed to go into town this morning, and yet I did.  If Faithful Jenny hadn’t thrown that shoe, I wouldn’t have been in town and I wouldn’t have found out about your husband.  If I hadn’t found out about your husband, I wouldn’t have ridden out here.  If I wouldn’t have ridden out here, I wouldn’t have met you.”

“But, if you weren’t away on business, you could have had this land six months ago, as you said.”

“Exactly my point.  If I had purchased this plot six months ago, you never would’ve shown up here.  I think this is meant to be.  I think this is fate.”  

“I don’t know about that, but...may I have a day to think this over?”

“Of course you may.  And please, let me take you away from here.  There are coyotes and bears that are apt to prowl around at night and this door doesn’t look very stable.  Not to mention the drifters that pass through and the Indians that roam about, though they won’t usually do you any harm unless provoked.  Still, I’d feel better if you’d come with me now.”

“Wouldn’t that look improper?” she asks, and her brow quirks again, only this time it feels a little more playful.  

“Yes, Ma’am, it would, if I were to bring you home.  I was planning on setting you up in town.”

“Surely not to the house of ill-repute?”

He smiles, glad that she’s in good enough humor to engage in a bit of banter.  “John Byers and his wife Susannah operate the mercantile in town.  They also have extra room since their boy, Franklin, has gone off to school.  When I tell you that Susannah would be delighted for a lady friend, it might be an understatement.”

“If I leave with you, what if Mr. Skinner shows up?”

“I’ll handle Skinner.”

↭

Leaving with this stranger will not be the most rash thing she’s ever done, but it will be high on the list amongst the impetuous things she has done in her life.  There’s something about him though that calms her insecurities and makes her feel like she can trust him.  Besides, there really doesn’t seem to be any other option except to sit and wait to be evicted.

“Bring with you whatever you might need for a short time,” he tells her.  “We can come back with a cart for anything else.”

But, there is nothing to come back for once she packs her nightgown, her bible, a tin cup, a broken hair comb, and a deerskin blanket into a burlap sack she’s been toting for the last few years.  He looks at the sack and then at her and around the small sod house as if he’s waiting for more possessions to magically present themselves.

“This is everything I have,” she tells him.  

“Alright then.”  He nods and puts his hat back on.

His horse is very fine looking.  Yellow, with a white mane.  It whinnies when it sees him and he scratches it under the chin and rubs its nose.  For a moment, it almost looks as though they’re holding a private conversation, with the horse nodding and whinnying and Mulder whispering softly to it.  The horse scrapes a front hoof into the dirt and Mulder pats it gently on the shoulder.

“This is Blondie,” he says, smiling as he turns to her.  “I was letting her know to be on her best behavior while you’re on her back.  Do you ride?”

“I’ve ridden some when I was younger.  I can walk, though.”

“We have to cross a creek up a bit and you’ll be safer and drier up here.  Don’t worry, she’s nice and gentle.  I’ll lead her.  All you have to worry about is sitting straight and not falling off.”

“And getting up.”  She eyes the stirrups on the saddle and estimates they’re at least as high as her shoulders.

Mulder chuckles and takes the sack from her.  She notes the consideration he takes in placing it down on a patch of grass a few feet away and doesn’t drop it in the dirt.  He comes back very close to the horse’s side and lunges forward a bit and slaps his knee.

“Go on and grab the saddle horn with your left hand and step on up with your left foot.  You may have to lift your skirts a bit to throw your leg on over.”

It takes her three starts to gain the momentum to hoist herself up.  She does what he tells her to though and gathers her skirts up.  She knows she should be embarrassed by the holes in her shoes and that she has no stockings, but she lost the ability to care about such things a long time ago.

“Well done,” he says, and then passes the sack up to her.  “I’m going to adjust these stirrups to fit and we’ll be on our way.”

He works the buckles and straps swiftly and expertly and apologizes for touching her ankle when her foot momentarily gets in the way.  After he’s done, he brings the reins down over the horse’s head and turns it away from the house.  Katherine realizes, once they’re some ways away, that she never even had the thought of turning back for a last look.

He tells her about the potential he sees in the land as they walk.  He tells her about the corral he’d like to put up and how he would like to expand his business of training horses.

“You’re not from here,” she says at one point when he’s lost in his rambling.

“No, I grew up back east.  Massachusetts.”

“How did you come to be so interested in horses?”

“Hand down that sack and hold on tight here, we’ll be crossing the creek and the horse could slip.”

She gives him her burlap bag and holds firm to the horn of the saddle.  He throws the sack over one shoulder and guides the horse towards a small embankment and then tests the footing before they cross.  She’s barely jostled by it.  He stomps his boots once they’re back on dry land and hands the sack back up to her.

“That’s my girl,” he says, patting the horse lightly on the neck.  The horse snorts and its ears twitch.  “That creek was the dividing line of our properties.”

“Perhaps not for long.”

“Hopefully.”

The faint aroma of fire is in the air and she can see a thin curl of grey smoke in the distance.  She sees Mr. Mulder breathe deep and then smile broadly.

“Looks like Melvin has noon dinner on the stove,” he says.  “We’ll eat before we head into town.”

She doesn’t tell him, but she hasn’t eaten for almost three days.  The pump behind the house gave plenty of water, but their food stock was depleted even before her late husband left last Saturday.  She was able to boil some dandelions for a couple of days, but quickly ran out of matchsticks.  Her stomach clenches and her mouth waters at the thought of food.

“So, you want to know how I came by the horse business,” he says.

“Mmhm,” she murmurs.

“When I was five years of age, there was a cholera outbreak in Boston.  My parents, in their wisdom, felt that the city was unsafe for their children and they sent us away to live with my father’s dowager aunt at her country estate.”

“Was that difficult?  Being away from your parents?”

“Not at all, actually.  Auntie was a great lover of the outdoors and of children.  She cared for my sister and I like we were her own, spoiled us as though we were as well.  She gave me a little pony with a little cart for my birthday and that’s where it started, I suppose.”

“What happened when you went back to Boston?”

“Ah, well.  I didn’t.”

“You didn’t?”

“The cholera took my mother.  My father was not as equipped to care for children as Auntie was.  He allowed my aunt to adopt us and then he eventually remarried and I have a younger stepbrother named Jeffrey who I don’t know much about except that he’s probably of the age to start college soon enough.”

“And what about your sister?”

“Her name was Samantha.”

“Was?  Oh.  I’m sorry to have-”

“You do not have to apologize.”  He stops the horse and looks up at her.  “It was a long time ago.  She was eight when she passed on.  Smallpox.  She loved horses even more than I do.  Blondie was actually her horse.  Of course, she was a bitty little filly at the time, but Sam made me promise to take care of her, and I have.  She’s been with me nigh on thirteen years now.”

Katherine doesn’t know what to say to this.  The small smile Mulder gives her after he stroke’s the horse’s cheek is a sad one.  It’s a painful reminder of the grief she also carries that she’s never spoken so freely about.  She’s never spoken about it at all, in fact, and she can’t ever see a time when she will be able to.

The rest of the journey to the ranch is in silence.

[storybookprincess]

I'm hoping you can help me with some certified Big Sister Advice™ and someone who has more "real world experience" than I do. Obviously if this makes you uncomfortable or you don't have the mental/emotional capacity to reply, please feel free to ignore!!!

I got my first adult job last year and by all accounts I should really enjoy it. Great people. Great pay. Great benefits. I'm even using my degree. But I'm actually starting to be deeply unhappy with it. I'm either stressed or upset near all the time now, and I constantly feel like I'm failing because I get criticism and negative feedback over my main responsibilities regularly. (I am responsible for a magazine so it's cyclical). I am also responsible for advertising, and I'm constantly playing a numbers game that always leaves me losing (re: pandemic + other issues) and it's incredibly stressful as well.

All of this has me on the verge of wanting to quit, but when you remove the emotions, it makes no logical sense. I can save thousands more dollars for grad school by staying at this job for another year. But I'm so miserable that doing this for another year sends me near tears.

I guess at what point do I value the rest of my life and mental health over this job? I'm constantly thinking about work when I'm not clocked in, before I go to sleep, when I'm with friends, in the middle of the night, weekends. The wall of text emails with improvements I need to make ruin my day and I spend my evenings mentally recovering. And I procrastinate everything now.

When is it worth sticking out? Is saving the extra money worth it for grad school which I havent even applied to yet? I could be thousands less dollars in debt if I stay for another year.

And how do I bring all of this up with management?? Preferably without bursting into tears or accidently accusing them of anything. I would stay if things change.

I've never had to make any decisions like this before. Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

I love your blog and the positivity you put into the world. Belated Happy Birthday by the way!!!! Thank you for enriching my internet life.

first, my dear anonymous friend, i just want to give you a big virtual hug. it sounds like you're incredibly stressed & really at the end of your rope, and i'm so sorry to hear how hard things are right now.

given that this particular dilemma is a lot bigger than the usual fandom struggles people come to me with, i want to change my approach a little. rather than giving you specific advice about what to do, i'm going to pose a few questions for you to ask yourself so you can come to your own decision. ideally, you'd find some time when you're not feeling extremely overwhelmed & stressed & can think (or write or talk) through these things with yourself with a level head. and hopefully answering them will help you decide what's best for you.

first, what, if anything, is going to change about your current situation?

if your current situation isn't feeling sustainable, do you foresee anything changing that will make it so that it's sustainable? for example, the past two weeks at my new job have been invigorating & fun, but they also haven't felt sustainable. but i know why that is--i've just started & there's a ton i don't know, which is stressful, my commute is eating a total of 1.5-2 hours of my day every day, and my sleep schedule is still getting back on track. but i know all of those things are going to change--i'll learn the ropes, i'm moving this weekend & will cut my commute by 75-80%, and i'll get my sleep schedule fixed with time. given that example, is there anything about your current situation that might change? if there is, what is it & how will it affect your quality of life? if there isn't anything you foresee changing, that's valuable information to have, too.

what non-monetary value are you getting out of this position? and is it worth the hardship?

most of the pithy life advice i see circulated online falls into two categories: 1. "if something is hard & stressful, just stick with it!!!!" or 2. "if something is hard & stressful, just quit!!!!" but both of these philosophies are vast oversimplifications, and the actual answer is far more nuanced & unique to each individual.

instead, imagine that you have a balance scale. on one side is the hardship you'll endure my sticking with something. on the other side is the personal value you'll get out of it. for something to be worthwhile, the value needs to outweigh the hardship. a prime example of this would be a person's decision to stay in medical school. medical school is incredibly grueling & stressful, but it's also the only path to becoming a physician. if a person values their career as a doctor enough that it outweighs the hardship of their training, it's worth sticking it out. but when the hardship outweighs the value, it might be time to reconsider. the answer to these questions will be different for every person. so in your situation, what personal, non-monetary value are you getting out of this job? and do you think it's worth how stressed you feel?

alright, now onto the money question, because i think that's at the heart of your dilemma. so, quite simply, how much money would you need to make for this position to be worth it?

seriously, put a number on it. how much would they need to pay you for it to feel like the job is worth the stress you're enduring? you might say "if i made 75k a year at this job, i think it'd be worth it." or you might say, "honestly, i think it would take 250k--a quarter of a million dollars--to make this feel worthwhile." or, after a lot of considered thought, you might say, "there is actually no amount of money that would make this job worthwhile."

and now compare that figure to your projected grad school debt. if this job will save you 20k in debt, but you've decided you need to make 100k for it to be worth the stress, that's probably an indication that it's not worth the money. if the numbers are more aligned, then you might consider staying more strongly.

and finally, what are your other options?

i think, especially when we're stressed & overwhelmed & burnt out, it's easy to see things in a strict black/white, either/or dichotomy. but in truth, there are usually more options than that. right now, you might be thinking, "i either stick with this miserable job, or i'm going to be drowning in debt when i finish grad school." but i guarantee you there are more options than just those two. for example, could you find a less stressful job with a different company that still pays decently, even if it's not quite as much as you're making now? are there any fellowships or assistantships that could help fund your education? do you have the option to go to school part time & work part time to make things more affordable? if you really give it some thought, i'm guessing you'll find that there are more options than either staying somewhere you're miserable or drowning in student loans for decades.

goodness, this is getting long & it's nearly 11 pm my time & i have to be at work tomorrow at 9, so i'll wrap things up here. i hope this has given you a little more clarity on what the right choice might be for you. again, i'm sorry you're so miserable right now & i'm hoping things will get better soon. hang in there, my friend. i'll be thinking of you <3 <3 <3

[currentfandomkick]

Marinette did not sign up for this part 7

So i kind of live, and this continues on. 

first part here   previous part here      ao3 here 

             Stephanie twitched when she finished comparing financial resources needed to handle a covert operation, butterfly garden underground, AND manage to keep it secret from the rest of Paris. Cass checked her numbers and it became very apparent that only—and she stressed the only—someone insanely wealthy and is a recluse could be Hawkmoth. And in Paris, that meant one man—Gabriel Agreste.

             Cass was the one to narrow it down to him, and Steph argued with her about it being impossible as “He’s been akumatized!” Honestly, Cass was acting like the Ladyblogger who published one of her early ‘could be Hawkmoth’ theories with Gabriel Agreste as a option with “probably had Mayura as Hawkmoth in her place” argument. It was retracted, and there was a apology put up for it that included: this list was not intended to be serious guys—I put multiple known akuma victims here and ways they could have been Hawkmoth no matter how public the akumatazation was. Did not expect this one to be taken so seriously, my sincerest apologies to M. Agreste and Mm. Sancoeur.”

             Steph could smell the ‘I was forced to do this’ off the apology, and did her best not to agree with Cass that it was forced as then Cass would argue it was a serious accusation put in mixed with less serious ones to get people thinking. To get Ladyblog followers to take notes and pass it to Ladybug and Chat Noir for further investigation. Which, would be a good way to contact the heroes. Except…

             “She interviews the Miraculous team on a bi-weekly basis Cass, she’d have plenty of opportunities to tell them her theories.”

             Cass crossed her arms. While they might heavily disagree on this aspect of who Hawkmoth and Mayura are, there is another aspect that is held in contention between the two of them…

             “Plus, Hawkmoth and Mayura are totally a couple, and everyone knows Gabriel Agreste is too hung up on his wife’s disappearance to consider moving on, let alone do it.”

             “Professionals.”

             Stephanie rolled her eyes. Cass is good at body language. There is no doubt about her being better than most. However—Hawkmoth is an egomaniac. Egomaniacs don’t give up when their goal is in reach for a henchman getting ill or injured. Not unless said hench is, well, romantically involved with them. She knew from watching Gotham’s underbelly for years—their romantic relationship had to be rock solid for it to even be considered. Married or may-as-well-be.

             “He’s ended how many battles early for her? Totally bordering on, if not actually, married.”

             Stephanie paused when two girls joined them, the ladyblogger herself with a too big grin, and soup girl if Cass wasn’t mistaken.

             “Hawkmoth and Mayura relationship debate?” The blogger grinned.

             Stephanie nodded, as yes, and this is serious. “Cass is convinced they’re just professionals with standards.”

             Soup girl groaned. “Not this again!”

             “Girl, I told you, I’m not the only one who thinks they’re a couple, and serious.”

             Stephanie grinned as Cass huffed. A vote for Team Hawkyura!

             “I told you, Hawkmoth is too obsessed with the miraculous to be capable of human emotions, and Mayura is too smart to fall for him. He’s probably paying her a lot or cancelling out a debt for her to work for him how she is,” Soup girl reasoned.

             Stephanie shook her head while Cass rose victoriously, scooting a bit closer to her fellow ‘stop shipping the villains’ teammate. Which is ridiculous—it isn’t shipping if it isn’t even subtext at this point.

             “No, no,” the blogger leaned forward, settled into their table on Stephanie’s side. “That means the relationship would have to be healthy, and its perfect possible for it to extremely unhealthy and for Mayura to be in a bad relationship with someone who isn’t wroth her time. Why else would she keep using a broken miraculous that’s making her sick?”

             Stephanie nodded at the blogger’s side. “And abusive relationships can happen to anyone. Back in our home city,” Steph gestured between herself and Cass. “A top psychologist went villain because she was manipulated into thinking the guy just needed her love to fix him and fell into a life of crime and wanted to stay by the guy’s side regardless of how many times he hurt her.”

             Cass nodded at that, frowning at that. She wasn’t there for Harley Quinn, henchman of Joker. Stephanie was. She did see the aftermath and bits of Harley’s (ongoing) recovery.

             Soup girl shook her head. “Its not that, everyone knows the Peacock is emotions so she would know he’s toying with her. She would know she deserves better. She’s staying because of finances or blackmail or maybe even being able to fix something that’s unfixable.”

             Cass hummed in agreement. “Needs to survive.”

             Soup girl nodded. “There’s no motivator more powerful than that.”

             “Um, love,” Stephanie supplied. She may not be the best at all its forms, but loving gotham’s citizens enough to want to save them was part of what drove her to become Spoiler in the first place. Spite too, but that didn’t seem like the best thing to mention at the time.

             “Exactly,” the blogger passed Stephanie one of her cookies. “Love makes people do crazy things, or did you forget Hercules.”

             Soup girl looked exhausted at that, pinching her brow. “We agreed never to bring Disney logic into these arguments.”          

             “The quote is true—People do crazy things when they’re in love. And Mayura is in love with Hawkmoth, and he’s in love with her.”

             Soup girl rolled her eyes. “Then you’d have to give up the Gabriel and Natalie theory for good. He’s still in love with his wife, and he treats Natalie more like a tablet than a person. No way that’s how he’d treat someone he’s in love with.”

             “Are we forgetting how he treats you and Adrien?”

             Stephanie and Cass exchanged a look. Stephanie focused on soup girl then. Really looked at her. Tired, twitchy, all signs of needing and not getting a good night’s rest.

             “Okay, he goes way overboard with supervising and has control issues, I’m not saying he doesn’t, ever. But he doesn’t let me take commissions unless my grades are up there, hires tutors for me and Adrien regularly, and he’s let up on controlling who Adrien can be safely friendly with to avoid crazy fans ever since I joined.”

             “You joined, therefore are something he can control, and are therefore not going to endanger Adrien or Gabriel since it would hurt your career,” the blogger explained.

             “Sounds like Hawkmoth,” Stephanie added absently, then froze as Cass grinned at her. back track time, ASAP. “But it can’t be since the guy was akumatized.”

             Soup girl looked relieved at what Stephanie said. Though, thinks weren’t looking up much on that front. She might have Batgirl pay the man a visit… after hacking the girl’s schedule and Adrien’s and seeing how much this man really was trying to control them both.

             Cass raised an eyebrow at her.

             “Thank you—can you get Alya off that train too?”

             The blogger leveled Stephanie a look that reminded her too much of Lois Lane that time she tried to interview the Batfam on Gotham crime rates and the effectiveness of vigilantes in a city that was entrenched in corruption and if it was better to just gut the Gotham justice system and start anew with different training and such, to prevent villain strength and intensity escalation. In short—she scared Stephanie. Just a little.

             “I think maybe Lois Lane could, but I doubt it.”

             “Lois Lane is the hero the world is not good enough for and her word is worth more than all of Metropolis.”

             “Not that hard to achieve,” Stephanie said without thinking. There is a lot of property damage there after all, they just have a more white collar-exclusive criminal element. Plus, Lex keeps his bigger projects in other places that are harder for Superman to find.

             Soup girl snorted at that.

             The blogger took offense.

             Stephanie would say all-in-all, not her worst time out on a mission doing detective work in broad daylight.

--

             Marinette was quick to transform into Multimouse and meet up with Rena in the Lourve. It wasn’t the first time either—Alix’s dad took to helping her translate Gaurdian since she hadn’t learned it all before Fu died. Besides her, he was the only one who could read the spell book… though that reduced the miraculous grimoire to nothing but the potions. It held the history of the kwami, how to summon and bind them, and even how to craft weapons for them. It included instructions on how to become a Guardian and what was required of her the sole guardian, and how the Order operated with mentions of ways it could be reformed should it ever vanish.

             It was the closest thing Marinette had to a mentor on how to re-build the Order and choose members, and how to make the best choices as Guardian. It even listed allied organizations and how much stock should be put into trusting them.

             But right now, she wasn’t there as Ladybug to go over another passage or talk about possible meaning and philosophies (did they really mean her job is to kill to protect the miraculous, or like, be that ready to ensure they remained safe?) or the whole “is the soul splitting a metaphor or actual magic” (magic). No, she was there as Multimouse, with Rena Rouge, as representatives of the Miraculous Team to meet up with the Amazonian Historian sent by The Former Ladybug, Hippolyta.

             “Greetings Alwphekion,” the woman nodded at Rena. “Muidion,” she acknowledged Multimouse. “I am Vupyte of Themyscira, and our leading historian on the miraculous. How may I be of assistance, young Champions?”

             Multimouse stepped forward, forgetting she wasn’t Ladybug at the moment. This question had been burning in her mind since she was told of the missing pair. “Could you tell us how the ladybug and black cat miraculous would interact with the main five if it wasn’t for Hawkmoth?”

             Rena glanced at Multimouse, knowing that something was off. It was possible Marinette may be more involved intellectually than she’d been letting on… though given her unofficial spy-work, it was possible that Marinette was Ladybug’s first choice in help… which lead to questions Rena had to keep silent… until Hawkmoth was defeated.

             “Ah, that is both simple and complex. If you wouldn’t mind,” Vupyte gestured for the pair to sit with her. “I was expecting something like that to come from Alwphekion, not you Muidion.”

             Multimouse would have been flustered a few years ago. Hell, even a few month ago, before Fu was compromised, she would have panicked a bit. But right now?

             “Ladybug tasked me to get any information to help her rebuild the Order. I won’t fail her.” She couldn’t fail the kwami. Especially Tikki who never gave up on her, even when Marinette was ready to throw in the towel a hundred times over and give her miraculous to Alya—the brave one she once had to mimic to handle being Ladybug.

             “Ah.” Vupyte leaned back. “No wonder there’s such a storm in your eyes.”

             Multimouse didn’t know how to handle that, so she brushed it aside.

             Rena put a hand on her knee and squeezed.

             Multimouse was glad she wasn’t alone in this.

             “That story goes back far beyond when my people interacted with the miraculous. Perhaps I could have a figure you trust help me digitize my research on the history in full for your Ladybug?”

             Multimouse nodded. That… “Director Kubdel was vetted by Ladybug previously for his discretion and understanding of how sensitive the miraculous and miraculous matters are.”

             Vupyte agreed to use the man at a later date. “For now, I can give you an overview of how the work together.”

             “That would be sufficient.” Multimouse did her best to copy M. Agreste’s professional affect. To hide how out of her depths she was at the moment.

             Vupyte grinned. “First off, The Savior, your Ladybug, has the role of creation. Her role in the group is to guide them to growth, to safety. She is your strategist in battle and the team’s healer. You know this already. She is the only one able to undo the Destroyer—your Chat Noir’s—abilities. However, she can only undo his damage so long as she believes it needs her intervention. Should she find his judgement—and his punishments for those violating the contract between those under the Miraculous’ protection, the Order, Champion and Kwami—be just, she cannot undo what he did.”

             Multimouse felt her heart seize. Plagg mentioned the Atlantians tried to convince a Fox into destroying a rival kingdom, a kingdom that was not doing as the Atlantians’ claimed. When the Fox refused… Plagg never said what happened after that.

             She knew only a third of the Atlantian’s survived the sinking from what they’d released to the public about their history.

             “A ladybug is given all the creative force that exists between her and her black cat, while the cat is given all the ability to detect danger. Half of each of their souls are swapped to ensure this ability switch remains, and that their bond is unbreakable so long as they are called on as Champions. The cat protects her from harm, and she supplies him with what is needed. They are only ever called on in times of absolute crisis—when the Contract is violated, or when the world’s balance is nearing a breaking point.”

             Rena was too still by Multimouse, piecing things together. Multimouse hoped she didn’t pass this on to the others… not until Marinette was certain they were safe to remain in the Order and that they want to be in it—that they don’t feel obligated to out of duty but truly want to protect the kwami. Even if it means never being a hero again.

             “The turtle shields them both—the Cat in battle and the ladybug when healing. They can even bring forth another weapon, though what it is, there is no record that we have found reliable.”

             Multimouse raised an eyebrow.

             “Shelter?”

             The Amazonian shook her head. “No Muidion, something else entirely… the incomplete records I found mentioned people being pulled to the turtle, feeling absolute safety and complete trust in them no matter what happened around them. What causes this, is unknown.”

             Multimouse felt the need to roll her eyes. she was fairly certain it was a cross between ‘must parent them all’ and the turtle’s capacity to ensure nothing broke Shelter. Possibly making it opaque, or something else. She’d ask Wayzz when Nino was asleep.

“Often the turtle focuses on getting civilians out of the area to safety. They are often aided by the Peacock, who creates a creature from a single emotion and ties it to an object, to direct its actions. The turtle protects those in danger with their shelter while the peacock’s creation and the peacock keep enemy combatants busy.

             “The butterfly may check for spies among their ranks, potential traitors too by their emotions but that is often another’s role. They often connect members across distances with those outside of their ranks, acting as a diplomat and choosing new members. At times, they might even make use of their full ability and create a champion of their own, granting them the power to make an army to help the cat while following the ladybug’s plan, or to test a possible candidate’s worth by seeing what they do when given power, and how it is used while having the failsafe of taking it away again.

             “The bee tends to fight beside the Cat, at times ordering the butterfly’s champion should their connection fail, and is ready to take down said champion should they betray the group with a single sting. The bee answers to the ladybug and cat alone—following the pair’s vision and ensuring it is executed whenever one or both of the pair is absent.

             “Then there is the fox, like you Alwphekion. I assume you have grown fond of your ally,” Vupyte gestured to Rena’s flute. “They let you craft any illusion you want. But I doubt you were told of the true power of the fox.”

             Multimouse shifted at that. “The Gaurdian was young when their temple was destroyed. I doubt they hid it intentionally.”

             Vupyte paused at that. “I did not mean it like that Muidion, simply that the Fox is given little emphansis by the Order to the point it was given a dishonorable title for their champions to inherit, the Deceiver,” Vupyte spat the title like sour milk. “Alwphekion is the one who sees all in their truth, through every lie one has spoken or believed. A fox is not a crafter of fallacy, merely presenting what one feels or desires. Their greatest gift is in their true voice, the one that none can lie or withhold information upon being addressed by it.”

             Rena leaned forward, focusing on Vupyte. “How?”

             Vupyte sighed. “The records of that were destroyed in Alexandria’s flames. It is a power a fox can only use with great conviction and motivation. Until then, they can only sense deceptions in shades while the truth rings of their own melody according to legend.”

             Rena stared at her lap.

             Multimouse put a hand on her arm. “We’ll figure it out.”

             Rena leaned into the touch then, sighing. “I have a question of my own, if you don’t mind.”

             “Certainly I do not,” Vupyte assured. “I am here to help the Miraculous Champions however I am allowed by you. I owe your predecessors more than I could ever repay.”

             Rena nodded at that. “What are the chances a butterfly user could make themself a champion?”

             Vupyte opened and closed her mouth, lips pressing and pursing until she found words to her liking. “It is not impossible for them to do so. They would have to drop their transformation to do so, which would prevent proper guidance, and would need to give themself a very limited power.”

             Rena took a deep breath.

             Multimouse took a sharp intake. That changed the rules. A lot.

             “So, hypotethetically, if one’s power could only affect a specified amount of things at a time, say, put into a given space and then whatever new thing was put in was then ejected from said space,” Rena continued, “would that be a feasible power for a butterfly’s champion to use without a butterfly guiding them?”

             Multimouse felt her stomach drop at Vupyte’s hesitance.

             “That is… rather specific.” Vupyte pondered it for a moment more. “While I can’t be certain of the logisitics, it is one of the safest abilities to give in those circumstances. Tight limitations, a weak ability that lacks army-growing capacity, so no need to use the butterfly champion to connect their chosen champion to their subjects, and it is straight forward so no need for an explanation, or perhaps the lack of one would make their reaction to discovering this limit more genuine.”

             Multimouse felt sick.

             Things aligned quickly in her head. Finances. Schedules. Timing. Targets of preference—teens at Dupont where Adrien goes and is able to talk about his day to either Natalie or Gorilla, who would report it back to him. Even Adrien’s concerns for them—weaknesses, insecurities, fears…

             It made too much sense.

             Multimouse stood up. “I have to go, excuse me.”

             Rena gawked at her. “Wait, Mul—”

             Multimouse ran out quickly, running to an alley to detransform and get Tikki to get her head on straight as Marinette spiraled.

             Gabriel Agreste couldn’t be Hawkmoth.

             He couldn’t be.

--

             Outside the alley, Tim, Cass and Stephanie froze as the girl Tim was convinced was Ladybug appeared. She was in a grey suit before.

--

             Rena looked back at Vupyte, hoping her girl got the air she needed. She knew Marinette would come around eventually, but for now…

             “One moment.”

             Alya sent off a quick text to Aurore. The girl was good at keeping Marinette distracted, out of a spiral, and helping her process.

             Aurore confirmed she found Marinette in an alley bordering on a panic attack and was taking her home.

             Rena sighed in relief.

             “Okay, now that that’s settled, there’s something you didn’t spill.”

             Vupyte smiled at Rena. “You are a clever Alwphekion.”

             Rena raised an eyebrow.

             Vupyte sighed. “A ladybug and black cat take the longest to mature in their team. It is no fault of their own; a side effect of half of their being being doubled and the other being taken. Of the two, Ladybug requires the longest time to come into her own as a strategist and healer.”

             Rena snorted at that. “Have you seen Ladybug?”

             Vupyte sucked in her breath through her teeth. “I have.”

             Rena watched her more intensely then.

             “She is not even out of her training suit, while the rest of yours have become personalized, implying that you are not being overtaken by your role. That you have blended with your kwami and role, rather than be consumed by it.”

             Rena froze at that.

             “What do you mean be consumed by it.” it didn’t come out like a question, it fell out like doubt defending fear.

             “Ladybugs fill in any holes in their group. Right now you are missing two, and one is injured,” Vupyte noted.

             Rena filled in the blanks. “Until we get a Butterfly and fix the Peacock, Ladybug isn’t really Ladybug, is she?”

             Vupyte sighed. “She is a child trying to run a home alone until they are both present as allies.”

             Rena frowned at that. “Then why isn’t Chat affected?”

             Vupyte looked far older then. “Have you not noticed that he can only extend and shorten his staff?”

             Rena opened her mouth, only for no words to come out.

             “He should be able to turn his weapon into whatever hand-held weapon he desires at that moment to protect your team. He cannot fulfill his role as Judge and Protector proper. He may be his own person within his transformation and within the team, but he lack his full range. Ladybug has her full range of abilities, but lacks her individuality as a Ladybug proper. Her team is incomplete, so she must continue to cover and cover and cover until it is complete with all five of her strongest allies at her side. Until then, whoever is under the mask will give and give and give until there is nothing left.”

             Rena swallowed thickly. “How do I stop that?”

             Vupyte leveled Rena with a few words. “Find Hawkmoth and Mayura, take their miraculous, and once the miraculous is fixed, hand them to worthy champions—ones who are strong judges of others for the butterfly, and of who is in need for the peacock.”

             Rena felt her mind waver to Rose for the peacock—the girl who fought for everyone. She was blanking on a butterfly though—a strong judge of character was hard to think of as a core characteristic of someone she knew she could trust.

             “You have one in mind,” Vupyte said quietly. “Good. You will have to find another for the other, or an ally of yours must find candidates. The sooner this is determined, the sooner your Ladybug will come into her own. The only other way… would be dangerous.”

             Rena nodded. She texted Chat and Carapace to meet her to talk about what she learned. They’d protect Ladybug. Their Leader. Paris’ Savior. And their friend.

--

             Aurore is many things. Miss Sting is a necessity to keep Paris safe. Aurore of the weather girl duo on KIDZ+. Miss Mandeliev’s favorite to call on for environmental studies and among Bustier’s favorite to read a well researched report. She is also one of poor Marinette’s longest standing friends, and one of the only people who can catch her mid attack and get her to pull out of and process her spiral without setting off a different bout of anxiety.

              Which is why she captured the akuma in a jar, hid it in her backpack until Chat or LAdybug could handle it, and nabbed her friend in the first place when Alya messaged her. She is not on the best of terms with the reporter (she might be holding a grudge over Lady Wifi calling her a hack and may have gone on a spree fact checking the Ladyblog in the early days and found holes on a Certain Person who has been since excommunicated by the students of Dupont and left the school in disgrace within a less than a week of attending). Especially since she insisted on being Mairnette’s best friend when Marinette has her already. honestly, the other never has been the best at seeing the obvious…

             Like the fact that Marinette’s anxiety up ticked with Ladybug’s issues. Or that around the time Chat Noir took on being Mr. Bug, Marinette was injured. OR that Chat hangs around Marinette a lot when Marinette is around an attack, even covering for her.

             Aurore dealth in meteorology and environmental sciences. She dealth with public appearances, PR, and being a child star. It is not her place to point out that Marinette is clearly (a) Chat and Ladybug’s confidant somehow, (b) a member of the team (c) Ladybug or some combination thereof. She didn’t want to make a call, she didn’t have evidence to back it up, and she didn’t run on intuition like Alya.

             Aurore is a Bee, and they operate best within rules.

             Ladybug made not looking into identities a rule. One she’s certain Rena has been ignoring… but Miss Sting follows Ladybug’s word to the letter. She has not looked into anyone’s identity and actively ignored any possible relveations in favor of working on her civilian life and focusing on capturing akuma before someone becomes akumatized, and bringing her catches to Ladybug or Chat for purification or destruction respectfully. Depending on how schedules lined up for patrols.

             Now, Aurore is content listening to Marinette ramble about baking soda and baking powder with buttermilk on her latest recipe and how that connects to their chemistry homework (as they were both smart enough to dodge the math that goes into physics, unlike Adrien or Nino and Rose who were naïve enough to take music theory).

             That doesn’t stop her from seeing faint movement on their school roof in reflections.

             Ladybug may not have made it a rule to protect Marinette. Chat may not have stated such either, but his actions told her it was a priority. And her duties as Marinette’s longest unstrained friendship demanded she monitor the situation.

             Once Marinette went down for snacks, aurore snuck into her friend’s bathroom and transformed to send a single message” I think Chat’s princess has a stalker now. Keep an eye on repeats in her environment.”

--

             Pegasus was furious when he saw the message. Cowboy was hacking camera in the area as they spoke with the other members of the team.

             Rena paled and Carapace looked oddly dangerous in that moment.

             Chat Noir and Ryuuko were the most deadly of the group… Chat’s suit almost… moving, but it had to be a trick of the light. Ryuuko had the same look Rena did when Carapace did something particularly dangerous—like refuse to flee before his time ran out and somehow stayed transformed beyond the standard five minutes after using shelter through sheer force of will alone.

             Ryuuko turned to Chat with a most Peculiar shade of anger. “I will be shadowing her.”

             It was not a question, but a demand.

             “Shouldn’t we check with Ladybug?” Pegasus asked while continuing to check camera. Nothing. Nothing at all.

             This must have been what was setting his friend on edge these last few days. Someone stalking her, but just out of a camera’s reach. Professional…

             Pegasus desperately hoped it was some paparazzi after Marinette the Designer’s secret identity, or even MDC. Anything but someone going after her for something… something he wouldn’t let cross his mind.

             Chat shot him one look that obliterated the option entirely. Pegasus may not know who his comrades are outside of the mask, but he’d be a fool not to remember that Marinette was a spy on Gabriel Agreste. That she was in constant danger as a civilian.

             Was it Hawkmoth?

             Mayura?

             Someone they hired?

             He didn’t know, and he needed to. Needed to protect his friend.

             She believed in him when he wasn’t sure of himself. She argued against his worst insecurities (nuisance, annoyance, best left forgotten) and proved she likes Max for Max. For his rambles, for his excitement and passion and his own brand of sass to their friends.

             King Monkey appeared with a rare serious expression. He didn’t know of Marinette’s involvement at all—only Chat, Ladybug, Alya and himself did—but King must know Marinette. Because that look on his face reminded Max of a friend he’d seen punch someone a little too hard for their hand to keep Max safe from a pair ready to hurt him for his mumbling as a child.

             “Whoever is doing this,” King Monkey stated with an eerily calm. “I’m calling the right to make their life a bit too chaotic.”

             “Get in line,” Rena growled, her flute ready at a moment’s notice.

--

             Elsewhere three gothamites were passed out in the same room. They decided to take a break and watch a movie together.

             They had no idea the Very Displeased eldest of the batchildren had entered the room and forced them each in a separate bed, or that he allowed a certain “demon spawn” to add a variety of traps that, while they all knew how to escape at this point, were still ass to get out of and made it clear they were in hot water.

--

             Jason hoped things worked out for the best… after his screw up, he figured Dickie and Demon Spawn should at least have a fighting chance. Or at least Nightwing would have a better chance at convincing the Justice League and the Miraculous Team they meant no harm.

             He hopes.

--- 

hope you enjoyed!

BTW we have fanart by @thegreysman!!! here which tumblr is rudely not letting me show off. 

@heldtogetherbysafetypins @laurcad123 @raisuke06 @chaosace@jeminiikrystal @toodaloo-kangaroo @kris-pines04 @bisha43rbs @izang

[innermort]

*** disclaimer: this is a very long diary type of entry that is probably quite boring for everyone else and may be ignored. it's merely a very lenghty epiphany I just had about my life and myself and I had to type it out for me, to lock in the thoughts, if you will. it was pretty therapeutic tho. 🙃 ***

10/Sept/2021

I just had the realization that I'm in the process of redefining every aspect of my self and my life.

I quit smoking cigarettes from one day to another exactly 2 months ago tomorrow and went from a heavy to a casual party smoker.

I rarely ever smoke weed anymore (plus when I did since quitting tabacco, I rolled with herbs) and now made the conscious decision to take another long break, so it doesn't interfere with my weight loss again. I get the worst munchies and have no self control when I'm stoned. I'm talking "5000+ cals in one sitting" type of binges. I'm not tolerating this kind of self sabotage anymore.

I re-discovered edblr. Yes. I know. Not the healthiest habit to get back into but it's the only thing that has actually helped me gain the motivation and willpower to put a stop to my raging sugar addiction and instead, an actual effort into losing weight again. Besides, I'm doing it in a much more careful and "responsible" way now (high restricting, taking supplements, no strict/exact calorie limit, very light to no exercise (okay, to be fair the reason for that is mainly my injured knee but still), letting myself eat/drink more than planned if I feel my body needs it). And let's not forget that I've literally been binging every day for the past 2 or 3 months. My diet nearly exclusively consisted of chocolate, pastries and pizza. Literally. I've gained 10 kgs (22lbs) during that time. That lifestyle was just as unhealthy, if not unhealthier.

I finally got to hang up and use my calender. Due to my ADHD (self diagnosed for now), I'm very forgetful and unorganized - at least in my private life. That's why I made the decision to get a big calender which I can use as a semi To Do/Buy list and appointment/meeting/bill reminder. Since I'm glueing a sticker to each day I got through without binging, I'm looking at it pretty much every day anyways. Plus, it's a motivater to not binge (reward that inner child)! Overall, it's helping me become more organized and put together which are two areas I've been lacking in in the past years. So far, I've been mostly using my phone notes but I usually write something down and immediately forget about it if it's not a grocery list or a To Do list I'm actively working through on that same day.

I have my first appointment at a psych ward since I was a teen. It's just a phone call and first get to know conversation but it's better than nothing and more than overdue. I'm finally taking the first steps towards getting diagnosed and being eligible for therapy. I'm sick of feeling like a victim of my own brain, I just want to be better. I deserve to be better.

I'm hungry for knowledge again. I deleted Tiktok from my phone because of how big of a distraction it was and because I realized that even though I'm being bombarded with new information everyday, I'm not learning anything. Our brains can't even comprehend the amount of information given in that short time span. Nothing sticks. Sure, you find out about some pretty cool stuff on TT depending on what kinda fyp you have but for me personally, it was just hours and hours of mindless scrolling in the end. It's crazy how addictive it is, too. Even despite the fact that I was already at a point where it didn't even give me that quick dopamine quick anymore. It felt boring and repetitive and I was merely doing it out of habit.

So, I got rid off the app. I started watching documentaries again. Mostly about gut health and mental illnesses like ADHD, Autism, BPD, Narcissm etc. Like TED talks or interviews/discussions by and with professionals/experts/diagnosed people. I'm back to not just craving but actually consuming something with substance, something that gives me more knowledge and insight on a topic. Something I actually want to know more about.

I realized and accepted that even though I am a creative mind, a fully creative job might just not be for me. I'm learning that maybe I'm the type of person who does something entirely different in their free time than what they do at work. And that that's very much okay. I noticed that at my job (this was the case for every job I ever had), my mind seems to work differently. When people expect me to do something, I have the needed pressure and motivation to get it done. I could also observe in myself that at work, I enjoy organizing/sorting stuff, I'm a fast and independent learner while I'm also excellent at training new employees, I'm much more detail oriented than in my private life - overall, it came to my attention that I might not actually be the ever chaotic forgetful mess who can't form a logic thought - or I can at least recognize that this is merely a part of me and not what defines and limits me as a person. I realized I actually like straightforward work, I like working alone and I like working precisely. When I was younger I would have never used any of these traits to describe my dream career. I would gag at the idea of working an office job and now I feel like this would actually suit me very well. Especially the working alone part would mean feeling less drained at the end of a work day and still having the energy to hang out with people I actually want to see. This is an extremely valuable lesson about myself that I finally seem to have learned.

After this big sub- and now concious evaluation about myself I'm also finally taking actual steps towards a possible career. I bought a course and worked through the first 2 lectures today, taking notes and writing everything down neatly for 3 - 3 1/2 hours (in total with breaks in between). I even got a notebook specifically for this new life project. I'm excited to learn. I feel scared, too. This is something I've never done before but I'm telling myself that trying won't hurt. I have my main job as a safety net, financially nothing can happen to me. I can only learn, even if I fail. And time will pass anyways, whether I get my ass up and put in the work or continue to be unhappy with what I'm doing without trying to change anything.

Speaking of finances, I also started taking those more seriously now. I stopped using my credit card (I was in negative numbers constantly, big numbers like -300 to -800€ due to constant overspending). I set up standing orders for my monthly fixed costs to make sure bills are always paid on time. Due to my forgetfulness and ADHD freeze I would often forget to pay or postpone paying bills until the reminder came in the mail and led to me having to pay on top or generating debt. I still have a little bit of debt to pay off but it's thankfully not a dramatic amount. I also have a second bank account for savings now where I transfer 200€ to every month. Even the simple act of calculating my fixed costs to see how much I can use for what was something that was desperately overdue. What I still have to do is sort out my receipts and write everything down in a housekeeping/budget book. And my first ever tax return. I am very much dreading both of these. 😃

Anyways. Wow. I really needed to type this out. I have the very harmful tendency to look at all the negative stuff and only focus on what I don't have and don't do. I really needed to take a long, deep look at all the things I've been changing around in the past couple months. A lot of it really passed me by until now. It's crazy but I really feel like a complete failure when my body isn't looking its best and it makes me blind for everything else. So, thank you to myself for reminding me that I am actually making a lot of progress, even if it has been in areas other than my fitness and looks. They're just as important (from a healthy brains point significantly more important, obviously) and deserve to be noticed and celebrated.

Conclusion: ❤️✨YAY, ME✨❤️

[youngbugandtonystank]

while I want to agree with what you said, you need to consider the fact that steve associates people getting locked up with concentration camps, he lived in a world where that's what he saw every day so maybe a little compassion for him next time

Ok, going by your logic, why did he have Clint call Wanda to the airport fight knowing the consequences that were going to follow her for the rest of her life then?

Clint: Cap needs our help. Come on.

-

Steve Rogers: You know I wouldn't have called If I had any other choice. (But he did have a choice, Tony gave him multiple ones)

Clint Barton: Hey man, you're doing me a favor. Besides, I owe a debt.

-

Steve Rogers: We're outside the law on this one. So, if you come with us, you're a wanted man.

Tony offered Steve very reasonable options, Steve refused all of them. Tony said he would take care of the PR fire that was going to follow not only him but Wanda and the entire team, promised to get the documents amended, sent Ross Zemo’s files, tried to get Ross to reroute the satellites and start facial scanning for Zemo to get him so Bucky could be off the hook, said he was wrong and was willing to make up for that, said he would file a motion to have Steve and Wanda reinstated after what happened. Even after everything, he lied to Ross and let the entire team escape.

Steve was aware of this. He was even aware that people were going to go after Sharon Carter and refers to Scott AND Wanda as ‘recruits’. He did this after calling Wanda a ‘kid’. 

Wanda herself recognized that it was probably for the best and wanted to stay:

Clint Barton: Okay, we gotta go. Wanda Maximoff: I've caused enough problems. Clint Barton: You gotta help me, Wanda. Look, you wanna mope, can go to high school. You wanna make amends, you get off your ass. 

Clint feels responsible for her because he feels guilty for what happened to Pietro. You see, this is where I don’t follow, Jeremy Renner said ‘He had to repay a debt to Scarlet Witch, and Cap called in need, so he came out of retirement.’ How is helping Cap repaying debt with Wanda? He’s basically using her to help Steve, and this is for her own benefit? He pays off this debt by helping Steve? Isn’t that debt supposed to be about Wanda? lmao

Clint even mocked her for wanting to feel responsible for the death of the people in Lagos. She was not going to feel responsible forever but at least let her take responsibility for that. At the end of the day, Wanda even said sorry to Vision because she saw the disaster that little fight created. 

Natasha Romanoff: Try not to break anything while we fix this.

Tony Stark: [still on the phone.] Consequences? You bet there'll be consequences. Obviously you can quote me on that 'cause I just said it. Anything else? Thank you, sir.

Steve Rogers: 'Consequences'?

Tony Stark: Secretary Ross wants you both prosecuted. Had to give him something.

-

Steve Rogers: I'm not getting that shield back, am I?

Natasha Romanoff: Technically, it's the government's property. Wings, too.

Sam Wilson: That's cold.

Tony Stark: Warmer than jail.

-

Tony Stark: GIVE ME A BREAK! I'm doing what has to be done . . . to stave off something worse.

-

Secretary Ross: I'm putting Special Ops on this.

Natasha Romanoff: What happens when the shooting starts? What, do you kill Steve Rogers?

Secretary Ross: If we're provoked. Barnes would've been eliminated in Romania if it wasn't for Rogers. There are dead people who would be alive now. Feel free to check my math.

Tony Stark: All due respect, you're not going to solve this with boys in bullets, Ross.

-

 Tony Stark: Or a squad of J-SOC guys . . . with no compunction about being impolite. 

-

Natasha Romanoff:  Is this, part of the plan?

Tony Stark: Well, my plan was to go easy on them. You wanna switch it up?

If Steve knew the consequences, then why would he prefer Wanda to be in a real prison over a place he himself calls ‘home’?

Gif not mine.

Consequences the rest of them suffered:

Natasha Romanoff: After the whole Accords situation, he and Scott took a deal. It was too tough on their families, they're on house arrest.

And this is Clint’s reaction: 

Tony Stark: Because you broke the law. Clint Barton: Yeah. Tony Stark: I didn't make you. Clint Barton: La, la, la, la, la . . .

And Tony is the man-child? lmao

And Tony even tells them they were aware of their decision. First, they don’t want Tony ‘controlling’ them and then they blame him for not doing enough for them? lmaooooooo

Tony Stark: Alright, you're all grown up, you got a wife and kids. I don't understand, why didn't you think about them before you chose the wrong side?

I do agree that maybe because Tony used the word ‘confined’ Steve immediately felt defensive. One thing the writers did wrong with him is trying to make him look like the honorable tough soldier all the time. And that’s not it, you can clearly see Steve lives in the past; has some big traumas under his sleeve. How about instead of making him look ‘badass’ why not deal with those things first? Why not make him learn some mistakes first and then help him heal? Perhaps giving him time with Bucky in the compound while they all work things through. Not a hard thing to do. Instead, they chose to make him a nomad bearded ‘badass’ fighting crime in the dark. This is where the Russo bros fail with Steve, while they can write him in an amazing setting and a perfect compelling storyline, they fail to understand Steve’s emotional side and the fact that men DO feel too. Especially someone like Steve. They think his submerged feelings over a failed past should be dealt with heroic acts of rebellion over what society tells Steve to be. Nobody tells Steve he’s wrong except for Tony, the rest of them actually drop everything to help him (Clint his family, Wanda, Sam, Natasha their freedoms, Scott is disappointing his daughter all over again after spending a previous movie talking about how he doesn’t want to do that anymore, etc).

Scott Lang: No, I’m serious, man. I’m not going back. I got a daughter to take care of.

-

Scott Lang: I’m trying, okay? I’ve changed, and I’m straight, I had a job, and… I want to provide. I had a lot of time to think about it, and I love her. So much. I’ve missed so much time and I want to be a part of her life. What do I do?

Maggie Lang: Get an apartment. Get a job, pay child support. And then we will talk about visitation, I promise. You’re her hero, Scott. Just, be the person that she already thinks you are.

I highly doubt becoming a war criminal involves that. They sacrificed a lot of characters’ development to fit into Steve’s predicament. They write him in a way where he’s always going to come out on top, where he’s always right, where he doesn’t deal with his consequences and the entire audience has to see everyone trust him no matter how matter mistakes he’s made. 

This Steve looks nothing like comics!Steve. MCU Steve is an entitled jackass. 

And let’s not forget, when given the time to spend time with Bucky, he left and went to the past to rob a woman’s whole life. That’s his happy ending? 

None of them are perfect. 

[kerice]

Painful Memories...

I came across some old photos. Some of my wedding. I can look at these pictures now with less emotion. There is sadness but I really can’t identify with that person in the photo anymore. Does this mean I have detached myself? I remember being there. Have I healed from the wounds that are still painful to mention? This day, more than 17 years ago, was a start of a major trial in my life. Having the courage to work through the pain of recovery has helped give me the drive and tenacity to overcome financial debt and to succeed in school. 

My academic journey started back in 1996, academic achievement did not come easy to me in high school, but I wanted to get a good job, so a few years after high school I started classes at Seattle Central College, in Seattle Washington. I then had a child at age 25 and I became a single mom. I am always inspired by women who say that without hesitation, trepidation or feeling less than women who have a partner. When my son was about three years old, I transferred to Bellevue College. They had a work study program where I could work at the school daycare (where my son was) and also work on my career goals, while having my son close. Due to the early birth of my second son on Nov. 27th, I was unable to finish my last two weeks of course work in the fall of 2003. As a result, I received a failed grade in my personal enrichment courses of French 201 and Algebra II. However my GPA for my science classes were within the range they needed to be. But, even so, I had to quit my job and dropped out of college since my son was born two weeks before the final exams. 

On the day of the wedding, It was a beautiful, warm day in September 2004, I remember, the kids were dancing and laughing, the lakeside property was gorgeous. I remember my family and friends being around me, it felt like a different life. I don’t like going back in my thoughts. The pain of those memories has become less as time’s gone on. To go from such a happy day celebrating with the person I wanted to live my life with to days later, almost losing my life to this person. This is a story, no one wants to tell. Four days after my wedding, I was a victim of a road rage incident, where I was physically assaulted and (along with my infant son) nearly killed. My husband of four days was charged with reckless endangerment and assault and then arrested. A passerby had seen the incident and called 911. I still can’t believe this happened to me. He never apologized for what he had put us through, we never saw him again except at a distance. I then started therapy for the physical pain that was inflicted on me, the emotional pain would be a much longer process of healing.

When you go through the family court system and testify in front of everyone, what you go through, it is very difficult. After the shock wears off, the shame sets in, it’s hard to talk about. They (the court advocates) encourage you to talk, saying that it saves lives. I felt lost and defeated. I was forced to go through court ordered therapy, which I knew, any invasive findings would be broadcast in court. I had to acknowledge other incidences of abuse that led up to the escalation to the road rage. I was faced with the reality of my own denial of what was happening to me. The excuses I would make to myself. He was just stressed out. Maybe it was a psychotic break? I couldn’t be objective or logical enough to begin to imagine why someone would do such things to a person they profess to love. I didn’t want a stomach ulcer on top of everything else. I was able to get a pro bono attorney for the first trial.  But after my ex-husband went to domestic violence treatment, there was a new trial. This was because, where there is “abusive use of conflict,” the courts don’t allow mediation to settle parenting plans. This put me in financial peril, and I have struggled financially  ever since. 

It’s been many years since the assault and arrest. I was vilified and blamed for what caused our separation to our community and friends. According to his account, it was all an exaggeration, a misunderstanding. I heard him say in court that I was crazy, emotionally unbalanced. Especially during the child custody proceedings. I was so afraid of him and what he would do to me. I couldn’t even comprehend fully what he was doing, who he even was. Was he my enemy now? He blamed me for getting him arrested, even though I had not been the one who called the police, but an anonymous stranger did! I felt alone, scared, traumatized. I hated having to go through the court hearings and hear the venomous words coming from him and his attorney. It made me feel crazy, out of my mind. I had to get away, I saw him everywhere, I was always looking over my shoulder. Sudden movements would make me jump. Flashes of the trauma would enter my mind. While driving my car, when I would see brake lights I would tense up and my heart would skip a beat. How could I even co-parent with this person? My Post Traumatic Stress was keeping me from moving beyond what happened to me, keeping me from moving forward. But I knew I had to somehow keep it together and be strong for my children. 

After the divorce, I was given permission to move out of state. In 2007, my brother, who lived in Northern Kentucky, offered me a job. Because of this, I was able to move out of state with my children. I am so grateful to my brother for his help in this transition. During this time, my father had entered retirement from the military out on the west coast. He and my mother were planning on moving to Cincinnati to help my brother with his business. The timing of the move was good since we would be able to have the support of my family, during this time of healing and transition. Upon my move, my ex was continuing to file motions at the Seattle court house. I had to hire an attorney, from out of state, to represent me and to respond to every motion filed. Within 5 years, he filed 12 motions that were all dismissed for lack of credibility. Even though he was ordered to pay my attorney’s fees, these orders were not enforced, therefore leading me to incur much debt over the years. With the two divorce trials costing $40,000 and the additional $10,000, my finances were in trouble. I had to ask my parents for help with these huge costs. Two years after the divorce, he stopped paying child support and my daycare costs exceeded $6,000. I had to ask my parents for help with the kids, which allowed me to work more hours to pay my debts. I have been used to working two or sometimes three jobs to get a handle on my finances. In 2015 I was able to receive vocational training so I could earn more per hour. 

I am a single parent living in the Cincinnati area for almost 14 years now. After much healing and hard work, I am anxious to continue my academic career goals. I am the proud parent of two well-adjusted young adults and I’ve had much experience juggling work, school and parenting. I also became the caretaker of my grandmother the last year of her life. In which I moved her into my home with my two children. During this time, as I partnered with the hospice care staff, I assisted in many nursing responsibilities. Reflecting back on this now, I feel that nursing is the field I belong in. During my time in Cosmetology school, I took on another caretaking job. I did this while managing my other full-time job. Then in 2018, I enrolled in an accelerated program at the Cincinnati School of Medical Massage. Where we had rigorous course work in A&P and Pathology. I also became a personal care assistant in 2018. I also currently work as a licensed Cosmetologist and LMT, as well as an STNA. 

I am happy to say that my domestic partner and fiancé is supportive of my desire to finish my nursing education. Over time I had developed a tougher exterior, not able to readily identify with my feelings. I was so guarded, out of necessity. An armor of survival. I find it more difficult to make friends, especially deep friendships that take invested time and effort. Letting people in feels too high of a risk at times, as the emotional scars surface. Where I attended massage school, they taught us what it means to be “semi-permeable.” The idea of boundary lines that define your personal space and the space for the client. If you are too closed off, then you won’t be able to tune into anyone else’s needs. This was a wonderful exercise for me in many ways. It’s helped me in my relationship with my children as well. In the past, I’ve heard awful comments directed towards me, anywhere from saying that I am a bad mother, to questions like, why didn’t I just get an abortion. Being on the other end of the parenthood journey, with my kids entering the adult world, I would say it was worth the pain, the struggle. We persevered, we are all tough as nails, I can see it from the work ethic my kids have. Even in the most ideal circumstances, children can still have issues. But seeing the love for me in their eyes is very moving. Watching them run around, playing and laughing is like watching my heart dancing outside of me. I wish that some things had been different for them. But through the struggle, we established a strong bond, which I believe will last for years to come. I don’t know who made this quote but it sums up so much. “A son makes love stronger, days shorter, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.” 

This trial has taught me to not be too quick to dismiss the notion that real love does heal our wounds. In my younger years I would have thought of that notion too trite. Having my children with me in my life has given me profound purpose and meaning. As small children, they looked to me as their constant, their calming force. They were my purpose for staying strong, stoic, steady. When they were little and even now, I give them my continued support. Also, it took me years of being single to allow myself to fall in love again. I feel thankful to my family and to my God that I have another chance at a lifetime partnership. So much healing has taken place but the memories in the emotions are still there. The muscle memories within the physical scars, are still there.

I see what those court advocate where talking about, all those years ago. I have come through the pain of a trial that allows me to empathize with the profound pain of others. Sharing my pain can save lives, or at least meeting others at their depths, so they feel less alone. Not that I have the answers, only the experience in the struggle to survive. I believe now, as a nurse (or soon to be) I can come along side someone and show them I understand what it’s like to be in pain. I can better understand where they’re at because of what I’ve been through. Not everyone is ready to hear a story like mine. A lot of times i get the, “ wide eyed, gaping mouth” reaction. But sometimes I meet someone who says, that it was what they needed to hear. It gives them the courage to set out on their own journey of survival. To start fresh, to start over if that’s what is necessary to start the healing process. As a massage therapist I deal with people and their physical pain all the time. I build care plans around strategies to begin the healing process. Many times, the physical pain is locked up with emotional pain underneath. I understand this, as I am there with them, letting them cry through their trauma. It’s a process that I feel privileged using my skills and abilities to aid in the healing.

[give-baek-my-love]

Can We Try Again? (1)

Characters: Namjoon X Y/N (ft. Jin) 

Genre: Angst/Fluff 

Chapter: 1, 

Description: After ten years since your broke up with your first boyfriend, Namjoon, you meet him again ten years later, and as you are on the search the answer to the iconic question ‘Can exes stay friends?’ you find yourself constantly questioning whether or not you did the right thing ten years ago. On top of that, you’re now faced with a new question, ‘Can we try again?’ 

“Can exes stay friends?” Now that’s a very controversial question that you’ve seen many people on the internet debate on. “It depends. If both of them have moved on, then staying as friends seems doable.” One side would argue. “No. How can you just lose feelings for someone that you once loved and be able to act like friends again? Impossible. You’ll always carry some sort of feelings towards them which will make it impossible to simply see the other as ‘just friends.’’ The other side would argue. Both sides presenting very reasonable and logical explanations, but when the same question is asked your answer is…

(10 Years Ago) Your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, Namjoon,  and you were seated side by side on the swing sets at your middle school playground. By ‘soon-to-be,’ this is because he was just notified today that he was accepted into the prestigious IB program that he had so badly wanted to get into. Although the white lie ‘we can try to make long distance work,’ could have sufficed the heartache that started building from within the moment that he told you the news, you knew deep down, that this relationship would have to come to an end. You had heard about how tiresome and intense this program was, and you knew that for him find the time to talk  and meet up with you would be close to impossible. This was going to be it. “Do you think that exes can be friends?” He asked as he stared down at his feet, struggling to find the willpower to look at you. You debated on lying to him, but seeing that the two of you had known each other for such a long time, he would have seen right through you. “No. I don’t think so.” You said as calmly as you could while turning to meet his sadden eyes. Although you were only at the age of fourteen, you had met your boyfriend at 8 years old and had instantly fallen in love with him, or at least felt what seemed like the love that Disney princesses felt in movies. Your heart broke as you saw his eyebrows furrow with pain followed by a pout on his face. Even though you knew that this break up was inevitable, no amount of prep talk that you’ve been doing could have made this day any easier. “Do you?” You asked in the calmest voice possible while gripping onto the metal straps of the swing tightly, hopelessly hoping that it would help you suppress any amount of pain that you were feeling. The two of you sat in complete silence as the sound of the little kindergarteners playing in the park were in the background. “We can still be friends.” He finally said, in the softest and gentlest voice that you’ve ever heard. Those words instantly sent tears down your face because you knew. This was it. The break up was going to happen. You were going to have to say goodbye to your best friend and first love, and there was nothing that you could do that would stop it. You simply just had to accept it. The sound of you sobbing were like nails on a chalkboard, painful and uncomfortable. He quickly got off the swing, and crouched down in front of you so that he was now at eye level with you. “Hey. It’s okay.” He comforted, pulling your hands from the metal ropes and onto your lap with his hands enveloping yours. You wished that you could say something, but nothing but tears and sobs could come out. You were guessing that the children had left the park after hearing you cry because you could no longer hear their squeals or feet stomping on the park, rather all that you could hear was him repeatedly saying that it was going to be okay while he occasionally wiped your tears away. Finally, the tears came to an end and you stared blankly at his face, hoping to take in all his facial features and admire the face of the boy that you fell so deeply in love with for as long as you possibly can. He stared at you with a sweet smile and a fond tender look in his eyes that for even just a minute made your worries disappear. A unique power that only he could have on you. Hoping to break the saddened atmosphere, you tried to make a joke, “I think I just scarred those kids for life.” He snorted and shook his head in amusement, “This is why I love you Y/N. What am I going to do without you?” “Shut up don’t make me cry again.” You warned as you wiped the last bit of your tears dry. Although it wasn’t necessarily a, instant break up, nothing more was needed to be said for the both of you to know that the relationship was going to eventually come to an end the moment that the next school year started. Without much of a word needed, the two of you made a silent agreement that with whatever time that the two of you had left, it would be spent wisely with as little tears shed as possible. Even though fourteen was a very young age, neither of you doubted that you were both in love, however the relationship just seemed to have ran its course.

Or at least that’s what you thought.

(Present Day)

Now at the age of twenty-four, freshly graduated from university, you by some lucky chance got hired back from the company that you had worked for last summer. As oppose to most of your friends who only took four years in university, you needed an extra year and graduated with a bachelor of science specializing for actuarial science. You didn’t necessarily care about the number of years that it took you, because you were just glad that this company was happy to take you back. It feels nice to be able to work in a more familiar environment and with people that you had previously worked with. Once you stepped into the main entrance of the building, you were greeted by Emily, one of the employees at the front desk that you had gotten very close with, and even went out on a few dinner dates with a couple of other co-workers. She guided you to the photo booth where you were required to take a new picture for your employee badge as she updated you on the new employees that were added to your department at work. “I heard that there’s this new guy that the company brought back from Asia. He had been working there for a little over a year that’s why you haven’t met him yet, but apparently he’s a real cutie and smart. He graduated after only going to university for three years and became a supervisor in just two years.” She nudged you as she linked your arms whilst the two of you walked towards the elevators. However, you weren’t paying much attention to her, instead you were staring excitingly at your new employee badge. With this marks a new era to your life Y/N. We’re growing the fuck up. “Hello? Y/N? Did you hear anything that I said?” Emily asked as she nudged you again. 

Ding.

“Hm? Yeah. New guy from Asia.” You mumbled as the elevator doors open and the two of you walked in. “Yeah. He seems like your type. Should I set you up? I know someone from human resources who can help me get his phone number.” She winked. This time it was your turn to nudge her, “Hey. Don’t be a creep. No. I’m not really interested in dating anyways. I’m just going to try and do my job well and start paying off my student debts.” You laughed as she mumbled something about you being no fun. Ding. The elevator rang again it reached your department’s floor. “Hey Y/N! Great to see you back.” Jin greeted you with a bright smile the moment that he saw you and Emily walk out of the elevator. After the three of you each took your turns sharing how their weekends went, Emily escorted you to your new desk where you saw a cute new pot of aloe plant presented right beside your computer screen with a big red ribbon wrapped around the plant’s pot. “Thank you.” You turned to Emily, knowing very well no one but her would give such thoughtful gifts. As Jin argued with Emily about how he never got a plant from her, you settled down and hung your bag by the side of the desk, staring amusingly at the pictures of you and Emily along with some other co-workers at a dinner a couple of weeks back. “Oh Y/N. I forgot to tell you I have a friend that I want you to meet, he works in your department. He recently just came back from Asia-“ “Oh. My. God. You’re friends with him? I was just telling Y/N about him.” Emily squealed with so much excitement that you stared at her filled with confusion. Is this guy really good looking or something? “Really? I was thinking of the same thing too!” He laughed. “Are you guys trying to sell me off or something? I don’t need a boyfriend right now.” You sighed as you plopped yourself down into the chair now staring up at Emily and Jin talking away about how this mystery guy is ‘so your type.’ “Okay. Y/N at least hear me out. He’s young. He’s your age. He’s a bachelor. Smart. Single. Good looking. Need I say more?” He asked waving his hand into the air. You figured that instead of trying to fight with him, you just let him continue talking while your mind wandered off for the first time in a very long time, to someone that you once knew who was very good looking and smart. As it finally came time to start working, the three of you resigned to your own work space and you were filled in by one of your co-workers on what tasks you would be taking on for the month. You were told that your supervisor would help you out and tell you in more detail on what you needed to do for the end of week meeting, but by the time it came for lunch, your supervisor was nowhere to be seen but even so, you worked as productively as possible. You happily joined Emily and Jin who were already at one of the table in the cafeteria, gossiping yet again about this friend of his. Shaking your head in disapproval, you turned towards the food stalls to go look for food. As you looked around the assortment of food options with nothing capturing your attention, you pulled out your phone and decided to order from one of your favourite Vietnamese restaurants nearby on Ubereats. However, you were too engrossed on what to order on your phone that you didn’t see that someone was walking towards you until you bumped right into their chest causing your phone to fall onto the ground. “Oh. I’m so sorry.” You quickly apologized turned to the strangers face. Oh. But it wasn’t a stranger standing in front of you. He was anything but a stranger. The man now standing right in front of you, gave you the same sweet smile that he had once given you ten years ago. The exact same smile that melted your heart ten years ago, and still after all these years has the power to melt it all oer again. He was taller now, much taller than before, at least a head taller than you. He also looked much more mature. Grown up. Handsome nonetheless. These ten years must have treated him real nice. “Hi Y/N.” He greeted in a dark and calm voice. You should have said something, anything would have been nice, but you were too shocked to even let out the breath that you were holding in. It wasn’t until Emily and Jin rushed to your side that you realized that you were probably just staring awkwardly at him without saying a single spoken word. “Y/N are you okay?” Emily asked as she picked up your phone from the ground while you and him never once broke eye contact. “Hey. You okay?” She asked again, now in a whisper as she nudged the phone into your hand. You mumbled a simple yes, suddenly becoming hyperaware by how long you and him were holding each other’s stare, causing your cheeks to flush in a deep red colour. “Oh! Y/N just in time. This is my friend that I was talking about! His name is-“ Jin started. “Namjoon. Kim Namjoon. But you already knew that didn’t you Y/N?” He smirked. A little too well. It almost amazed you just how confident he looked staring amusingly at you, as if he didn’t care that other people were watching. It suddenly felt as if the two of you were in your own world. Somehow the longer you stared, the more you felt yourself turning back to your fourteen-year-old self, a past that you tried so hard to get over. The Y/N that often blushed whenever her eyes met Namjoon’s. The Y/N who attended math club with Namjoon just so that she could spend more time with him. And more importantly the Y/N who was deeply and madly in love with fourteen-year-old Namjoon. Before you could even muster the courage to say anything to him or Emily and Jin, Namjoon straightened out his suit and said, “Ah. I almost forgot to add. Welcome to the team Y/N. I’m your new supervisor.” He smirked as he extended his hand. Oh no. Oh no no no.

[cuyanir]

VERSE NOTES: twin twilight ( aka the book of bobos )

naturally all of this is speculation that i’m happy to abandon the second i learn anything about the upcoming show. but i also see no reason not to embrace the cool imagery of boba taking over the hutt empire. if it’s real, that’s cool (tho i wouldnt want it to be boba’s endgame), if it’s not, that’s also cool. so yes, speculation. but fun speculation !!!

fun fact -- ‘twin twilight’ is a placeholder name, ill wait for the show to actually settle on a proper verse name but i picked this one to as a sort of reference to tatooine and the naming conventions of other criminal syndicates of sw, such as crimson dawn or black sun. uwu.

after jabba’s death, there was a lot internal squabbling between the hutt lords as to who should take over jabba’s operation on tatooine. this meant that bib fortuna could simply declare himself the new king sort of by default. he simply took the throne and kept his head low, hoping the hutts will continue their in-fighting and won’t actually check whether the throne is empty or not.

because bib couldn’t attract attention of the hutts, he couldn’t do much with jabba’s resources. there weren’t that many of them to begin with. after the dune sea execution the palace was looted, the staff and hired forces scattered and bib was left with scraps of what used to be an impressive criminal empire. but he had enough to live comfortably and he still had the palace. during his reign, the remains of jabba’s power stagnated but that’s how bib managed to stay alive, by not attracting the attention of hutt lords.

after boba and fennec take over, they free the slaves and focus on getting the palace operational. boba has no need for the entire building so there are sections of it that get permanently locked, but the most important rooms get restored, restocked and have their security measures upgraded. people doing the refurbishing are the tatooine locals who then spread the news about the new king in the middle of the desert. people start coming back to the court because they know things are about to get busy and work is guaranteed.

once the palace is under control, boba’s attention turns to the rest of the planet. he respects the tusken territory so he leaves that alone, but he slowly takes over the trade routes cutting through the dune sea. if traders wish to use them and be under his protection, they have to pay. it’s not exorbitant and the safety is always guaranteed, so it’s not an awful deal. there are also several tusken and jawa camps along the way for additional trading between the tatooine cities. 

protecting trade routes requires forces which know how to handle a blaster and can fend off raiders and/or wild animals. mercenaries and hunters from all over the galaxy come to the palace, looking for a steady employment. boba also offers contracts for the more skillful visitors. he still prefers to stay hands on, so the most important jobs are done by him or fennec or both. but he will hire someone to clear out some dangerous den or a raider camp from time to time. 

hunters/mercs that have proven their worth will be eventually send off-planet. as boba’s influence on tatooine grows and he restarts the outer rim trade, the hutt clan can’t afford to ignore him. even if they wanted to leave him alone, they can’t because letting boba rule over jabba’s domain sends a message of weakness to other crime syndicates in the galaxy. and the hutt clan’s position is already very wobbly, compared to black sun and crimson dawn. the hutts will attempt to reclaim jabba’s domain but boba knows exactly where to hit them because he spent years working for them. the tactic he utilizes at first, very relentlessly, is siccing the new republic on the hutts. he does so by contacting the rangers through a third party and tipping them off where hutts’ bases of operations are hidden. 

some threats are taken head on and a lot of high ranking hutt families are eliminated either by him or fennec. once hutt clan gets the message and leaves tatooine alone, other crime syndicates begin to take interest in boba’s little operation. but he is not entertaining any coalitions, mostly because he’s boba and boba works alone yadda yadda yadda, but part of it is also boba’s previous working experience for almost every crime organization in the galaxy. he knows that sooner or later they turn on each other, hence his lack of interest in any long-term alliance. 

as boba’s kingdom grows, the previously quiet palace gets lively again. boba resumes some of the duties jabba had, such as resolving disputes or settling debts for people of tatooine. because fennec is his equal, she is often found on the throne as well. she’s also responsible for making the palace fun again because boba is tragically ignorant of how important having a good music band in the palace at all time is. they compliment each other well when it comes to running the palace and are equally involved in seeing their operation flourish. 

but eventually, boba will reach the peak and he will lose interest in running this operation. he proved a point, he didn’t let this planet defeat him, he returned and conquered it in return. once he’s satisfied with the conquest, he will move on. give the palace away to fennec or anyone else, return to hunting for a brief while. and this is the place where i’d link my mand’alor verse if i had it written out so UHH watch this space but yes, the next logical conclusion is him returning to mandalore.

to sum up, they have fun on tatooine!! boba’s a great businessman who can and will fuck up other crime syndicates and new republic alike. if we have any threads happening in this verse, it’s likely boba will offer some sort of job for them and thats fun !!!! or they can just hang , the vibes at the palace are immaculate now. theres a cool bar and a lot of gays , lets chill lets have fun !!!!!!

[popwasabi]

“The Other Guys” wants cops to go after the real criminals

Before director/writer Adam McKay pivoted into populist screed’s against capitalism and political corruption in films like “Vice” and “The Big Short” he was largely known as one of the many “dumb comedy” directors working in Hollywood.

In fact, with major productions such as “Anchorman,” “Talladega Nights,” and “Step Brothers” he could almost be billed as THE dumb comedy director or certainly THE Will Ferrell director at least.

(To a certain extent, THE John C. Reilly director too.)

Those movies are certainly divisive amongst some filmgoers, as you either fall into the “turn your brain off and laugh” category or the “this is pure nonsense” crowd. I’m somewhat in the middle on all of it but one McKay/Ferrell vehicle provided a bridge between the “dumb comedy” years and his more serious satires of American politics and that movie was 2010’s “The Other Guys.”

Billed as just another parody of buddy cop flicks, “The Other Guys” is a comedy that still holds up pretty well by today’s standards. Mark Wahlberg in many ways plays an unhinged caricature of every tough guy persona he has ever played in detective Hoitz and perhaps more brilliantly Ferrell, as detective Gamble, is allowed to be the straight man of the duo for change, finding humor in a more subdued performance. Together they form a kinetic duo that play hilariously well off each other in a film that is rarely dull from start to finish.

(Flawless logic here in the famous Tuna vs Lion debate)

“The Other Guys” takes some decent shots at the violent nature of cop culture from excessive police overreach in the film’s hilarious opening scene to cops’ shoot first ask questions later approach with detective Hoitz backstory involving shooting Dereck Jeter during game 7 of the World Series. In between more typical Ferrell comedy flare involving hot wives and ex-wives, hobo sexy orgies, and TLC references there’s a lot of pointed, tongue-in-cheek humor at the police that one can find great humor in.

It’s a descent satire of the cop movie and the culture around law enforcement on this alone but McKay’s real target isn’t the police so much as it is who the police aren’t going after.

(For the record, peacocks and cops, for that matter, don’t fly.)

2008 probably feels like eons ago to many of you at this point but it was the year I personally came of age. I had graduated high school, The Lakers were good again, “The Dark Knight” and “Iron Man” had just come out, I had hopes and dreams as I entered college at San Jose State and oh…the Great Recession had just started!

I’m not going to go into extreme detail here but our economy had it’s worse collapse since the Great Depression caused by the subprime mortgage crisis due to vast widespread failures in financial regulation, breakdowns in corporate governance, vast trading and over borrowing, housing bubbles bursting, and heads of businesses just vastly ill-equipped to handle their hubris in that moment.

Major businesses and banks were on the verge of collapsing and then at the last minute the US government passed a $700 billion, with a capital B, bailout to put them all back in the green.

Corporations like Bank of America, Citi Group, Morgan Stanley etc received between $10-$25 billion each for their struggles and were able to stay alive in the country’s ever worsening state. This was great, except 2.6 million average working-class people lost their jobs during this period, including my father.

By the way, a guy like Joseph Casano, an executive at AIG, got a $34 million bonus for helping lead companies such as his into the recession.

This is McKay’s real target in “The Other Guys.” The satirical cop humor is largely window dressing to draw audiences in to the theaters so that he can show all of them who the real criminals of this country are.

As the plot of the story starts to kick into full gear the more obvious culprits of a typical Hollywood cop movie are dismissed. Though Hoitz is convinced it’s more the usual cop movie style villains of “sex and drug traffickers” at first, Gamble slowly pieces together a plot of dastardly insider trading. What it ends up being is that the bad guy is really just a doofus hedge fund manager named David Ershon played comically by Steve Coogan who made one too many bad investments to bad people.

Ershon has put his people and the people he owes money to deeper into the red, not at all unlike the wealthy CEOs and bankers who messed up the country during the 2008 recession, and it has led him to take desperate action to get everyone’s money back. Ershon, of course, tries to get Hoitz and Gamble off his tale by bribing them in a variety of hilarious ways (one of the funnier sequences of the film) but eventually gets caught up with the SEC and those who prosecute white collar crime (who are unsurprisingly also in bed with the people he owes money to).

(Somehow, I don’t think this is far off from reality...)

Hoitz and Gamble continue on the case but find that taking on white collar crime is…complicated to say the least but most importantly ineffectual as detailed in this scene.

(Again, probably not far off from reality...)

The 2008 recession, wiped out millions of jobs, with rural parts of the country getting hit the hardest and in many ways still feeling the effects today. If you were a POC you were even more unlikely to not recover from the crash. Property values plummeted, student high education success rates dropped, opiod overdoses from “unemployment deaths” and many more awful things happened during this period of great economic distress.

And what happened to the folks largely responsible for causing this mess? They got a fat fucking payday and a dismissive finger wag largely by our own government.

“The Other Guys,” more or less, ends the same way. Despite putting away Ershon, the company he was swindling, who gambled their people’s money, was still bailed out by the US government. A real “happy ending” that is played as a dark, matter of fact, joke before the credits roll.

(Again, we laugh but how far off from reality is this really?...)

I graduated from college in 2013, tens of thousands in debt from student loans and trying to navigate a largely bereft job market where wages had largely not changed in as many years. In 2008 average rent cost about $850 a month, by 2013 it was $953, today in 2020 it’s $1,097. The average entry level salary (for a clerical/ office professional) between 2008 and 2018 went from $46,886 to $45,882 showing a decrease in value.

In 2008 the richest man in the world, Warren Buffet, was worth $64 billion. The richest man in 2020, Jeff Bezos, is worth $200 billion.

If the fact that Jeff Bezos is worth more than some countries on this planet doesn’t make you infuriated alone I don’t know what will.

Btw Buffet’s net worth increased as well to $79 billion himself, in case you think it’s “unfair” to compare him to Bezos.

Sometimes I think the reason people aren’t angrier about this worldwide is 1) a bunch of us think we are all one hard working day away from being filthy fucking rich ourselves, one of the many great lies of capitalism and 2) many of us don’t actually know just how big a BILLION dollars is, so here let me help you all out:

With COVID in 2020 we’re seeing it all happen again, just as it did in 2008. Record unemployment rates, small businesses closing, evictions skyrocketing because no one can pay rent and all we got for it was a $1,200 band-aid (assuming you did get yours). Meanwhile billionaire slugs like Bezos and Elon Musk saw their net worth rise sharply during this period, hell even the fucking Lakers got a $4.6 million dollar “small business” loan (though they did return it…only after getting caught…).

The highest sum of cash ever stolen from a bank was $18.1 million (equivalent to roughly $30.1 million now) in 1997. These are the people cops and other “loose cannons” in popular actions movies are usually running up against. If you think stealing $30.1 million is a lot of money worth sending the cops over then $700 billion of our own tax dollars given to people who ruined the lives of millions of Americans should make you fucking furious. The only real difference here is one was made legal by our own elected government.

Adam McKay’s “The Other Guys” may be on its surface just another “dumb comedy” that mostly satirizes cops, but its villains are very real and unfortunately as American as apple pie. Under capitalism our labor only continues to get devalued every year (even the skilled positions), while the richest 1% of the human race only get fatter with their wealth. Things are only getting more expensive and the working man is getting priced out of more and more daily luxuries and even essentials. This way of life is not sustainable, especially for our environment which these dragons continue to plunder, and eventually we will need to actually hold our overlords accountable for letting it get this far.

If we don’t, they will continue to steal every penny in our pocket and bleed us dry until the next disposable drone can fill our place. If law enforcement won’t take this on, sooner or later we might have to…

Remember, pimps don’t cry...

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Twenty

Harry woke up slowly, his body was curled around Louis' back and he stared at Louis as he slept on. He leaned over and place a gentle on his cheek before he rolled over and grabbed his phone from his pants and called his management as he watched his boyfriend.

"Hey Harry, did you need something?"

"Release the album."

"What now? You've only made one conspicuous tweet about it two days ago. Why-"

"Just release it. It's finalized isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's completely finalized. Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Alright. We'll release it within the next few hours." Harry ended the call and made to cuddle Louis again, but his stomach alerted him he and Louis had yet to have breakfast, so he kissed his boyfriend then climbed out of bed and pulled out some joggers before he left his room. Harry made a quick breakfast then headed upstairs and set it on Louis' bedside seeing he had moved to lay on his stomach spread out on the bed. Harry knew that Louis would hog the entire bed if ever given the option which was why Harry always went to bed together, so Harry had a spot on the bed to sleep in.

"There better be enough for me on that tray." Louis mumbled eyes still closed

"Obviously. Have I ever made myself food without making for you?" Harry said climbing on the bed on his knees, "want me to feed you?"

"Is there tea?"

"Of course." Louis put his hand up making Harry raise an eyebrow, "don't you want to sit up first?"

"Harold. Tea. Now." Harry looked at his plain navy-blue bed sheets before handing the mug over watching as Louis carefully got on his elbows and took a sip, "you make the best tea."

"That's because I'm not impatient." Harry said as he laid Louis' plate down on the mattress upfront of him, "so since we've established, I'm better at pool than you-"

"Unfair advantages." Louis dismissed quickly, "we'll have a rematch in a public setting next time."

"Probably smart. So, if we eat our lunch breakfast and bathe, we will have time to kill before dinner. Wanna go out?"

"Or we can stay in bed all day."

"Or we can go out. Come on it'll only be for a few hours. I bought us matching outfits."

"That we can wear together when I can walk and since I can't walk might as well lay in bed and make sure I'm sure I can't walk tomorrow as well."

"Fine." Harry said pouting lightly as he kissed Louis' cheek, Louis leaned over and pressed his lips against Harry's before they finished their breakfast and Harry took their plates down to the kitchen.

*****

The next morning Harry woke up slowly in an empty bed, but he could see Louis outside on the balcony with his feet propped up on the railing as he smoked a cigarette.

"Baby." Harry called out watching as Louis turned and grinned at him, "morning." Louis stubbed his cigarette out and came into the bedroom dressed in a pair of tight joggers.

"Good morning handsome." Louis said as he crawled over him and straddled his waist, "so what do you want to do on this fine Sunday?"

"I need to eat and workout then I'm free for the rest of the day."

"Well after you're done, I want to talk to you about something."

"About what?" Harry asked

"After. It doesn't need an answer right away."

"Then tell me now so I can think about it while I work out."

"Okay just know that it doesn't have to be a Yes right away it can be a maybe or a let me think about it or even-"

"The fact that you think I'm capable of saying no to you is adorable." Harry said making Louis blush and roll his eyes as he reached for his laptop, "Oooh I've been wondering what you've been working on. Am I finally seeing it?"

"A little bit of it at least." Louis said, "As you know in about six months Elizabeth is retiring and will be selling the daycare building since none of her kids or grandkids wants it. Well, the building itself is pretty old and needs redone in many places and the plot beside it is going up for sale around the same time. So...what do you think of this." Louis turned the laptop around and Harry eyes widen before he sat up because this clearly needed his full attention.

"This is the daycare." Harry said

"Yes but press play." Louis said moving to sit beside him. Harry pressed play on the 3d sketch video of the current daycare being torn down and as another lot was added to make the yard bigger. The first thing done was a tall white palisade fence around the double yard then a gate that led to a modest car park that had more than enough spots. Then a beautiful white brick one story building was built with a soft blue double door with white panels beside it and picture windows with white paneling to match. Harry was grinning as he watched the camera move inside where the reception was, Harry watched the whole thirty-minute video going room to room and grinning when they entered the nursery area. Then he grinned wider when he saw the exterior was not being worked on some more adding a play area in the yard that once help the current daycare.

"Louis this is amazing. It's – I – I don't know what to say. It's beautiful and it looks amazing and what? Did you just want my opinion?"

"Well yeah, a little, but no not completely. I wanted to ask what your thought was about me quitting my job and going to the bank for a loan and talking to people about this."

"Yes, to quitting your job, yes to talking to people, and absolutely not for the bank. Lou a loan this size will take decades to pay off not to mention interest rates and you may need more later on if there's complications. Baby I have money and if we need a loan later on then yes, but for now, for down payments and lawyers and anything else we may need that I can pay upfront for let me do it. I promise you I won't go over a limit you set me and if we reach that limit, we'll go to a bank together, but Louis I have money. I have savings and I have an excellent credit score and I have millions in my accounts. I have money I haven't even touched yet. This project won't cost as much as you think it will."

"Harry I'm not going to ask you to spend who knows how much on this."

"You're not asking I'm offering."

"No."

Yes."

"No Harry I'm going to the bank and-"

"And be in debt for the rest of your life? Louis I have the means to help so let me help."

"But-"

"End goal is to get married isn't it? What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. Therefore, my money is practically yours anyway and this Daycare will be half mine so the way I see it I am investing in your future kid's daycare. See? I'm not giving my boyfriend money for his daycare I'm giving my future kids a wonderful daycare that happens to be owned by their parents."

"Your logic is stupid." Louis said though he was grinning as he thought about future kids, their future kids. Which was a scary and fast concept considering it hasn't even been a year together yet.

"My logic is brilliant. You're brilliant. This is layout is brilliant. You are a genius. A beautiful, lovely genius." Harry said as he cupped Louis' face and kissed him, "Beautiful. Lovely. Brilliant. Gorgeous. Genius." Harry emphasized each word with a kiss as he rolled over, so he was straddling Louis' waist still naked from yesterday.

"Pretty sure our positions need to be switched darling." Louis said with a grin as he kissed Harry

"I need to eat so maybe later. For now, you start calling architects and contractors and the city for meetings and steps. Oh, and call your boss and the landowner and-"

"Haz I do know what to do. It's not like I haven't been researching and designing this 3D model in one day it's been months of thinking about it." Louis said watching as Harry pulled on a pair of Louis' joggers that hugged everything on Harry considering they were a size or two too small.

"Right. Have fun. I'm going for my run first then I'll be in the home gym. Come get me if you need me. Most people do not require a payment just for a meeting however if they do my wallet is in my bedside drawer. Have fun." Harry was out of the room before Louis could tell him to put on some briefs at least, Louis grinned laying back in the bed thinking about how much Harry has changed since March. Since their first sexual experience together. Harry was free balling more often than not these days, not that Louis complained mind you. Harry often had to snap his fingers in Louis' face if Harry Jr was more visible than usual which usually ended up in Louis blowing Harry in random spots of the house. Louis was determined to have Harry fuck him on the cuddle chair in the living room right upfront of the picture window one of these days.

Louis rolled out of bed and grabbed his charger, phone, and wallet then headed downstairs to sit at the kitchen counter. He made sure to count the apples and bananas finding out Harry took a banana before his run. Harry didn't eat a big breakfast before his workout despite everyone telling him he should, he instead ate some fruit on the run then worked out then made a large breakfast good enough for Louis to save his appetite for. Despite how hungry he was this morning. It was an hour later when Harry came in sweat dripping down his body and his cut off shirt soaked. Louis was on the phone with the owner of the land beside the daycare listening to them talk about the plans they had for it, but life got in the way and Louis was politely nodding along and letting them know he was listening every few seconds. Honestly, he just wanted the price.

"Honestly, I'd be willing to give it away but not sure how the city would feel about it. Tell you what you said you were building a daycare to replace the other one? I'll do twenty-five hundred. Good?"

"Are you sure? It's a good bit of land and-"

"Trust me I don't want it anymore. You want it's yours for 2.5k."

"Great. Cash?"

"You got that much in cash? Really? Sure, thing let's meet next weekend at the coffee shop around the corner of the daycare."

"Sounds good. Thank you." Louis ended the call and turned to Harry who was leaning against the wall waiting patiently

"Oh, good I can kiss you now." Harry said before he was pressing his lips against Louis', "What was that about?"

"The owner of the land decided to tell me his life story and plans before life got in the way. We're meeting next weekend."

"Sounds good. How much for the land?"

"Twenty-five hundred. I think he's just desperate to get it out of his hands. I have that in my savings, so I don't need you-"

"Your savings is for you to decorate the daycare interior. I'm sure Elizabeth will be more than glad to give you the things she has, but I know you'll want new things as well and I was sort of hoping I could convince you to have a bigger kitchen in the daycare and...hear me out before you reject it right away. This is still your idea and if you don't like it then that's fine."

"What is it?" Louis asked looking at him

"Well, there's a lot of young single moms...a lot of young parents who may not be able to afford much. Make the building two stories and have small flats up there for struggling parents. While I was on my run, I remember some of things you told me about growing up with so many siblings and only one income. Obviously, we can't make the apartments too big, but two or three small bedroom flats is manageable. It'd be strict tenancy only allowing certain people since it's above a daycare, but I think it'd be a good idea. What do you think?" Louis grinned nodding

"Yeah, I'll have to redo my model, but yeah I like the idea. Maybe in the back of the building have a separate car park for tenants. Have their own entrance area too obviously."

"The daycare would be closed off from them except the main entrance, but maybe offer free childcare or something. Only pay rent? I don't know it'd be something to discuss, but I think it would really help some people out."

"I love you." Louis said cupping his face and pulling him into a kiss, "You're so sweet."

"I love you too. Now let me go so I can lift weights that weigh more than you so I can throw you over my shoulder and have my wicked way without later." Louis laughed as he watched Harry head to the home gym before he turned and went back to making calls while he played with a copy of his model.

********

Later that day while Louis finally realized why there had been so many Larry Stylinson related things today. He had stumbled upon a post of videos of him and Harry over the last few months to songs from his 0219 album. Louis grinned and watched every video for every song, the Drag Me Down had photos of Harry and his family, friends, Louis, and others and the History fan made video had pictures of fans and concerts and the XFactor days. The last slide was a collection of snippets turned into a video of fans telling Harry they love him and how thankful they were. It made Louis proud as he looked over at Harry who was making dinner. After only a few seconds Louis made a post. The first picture was of them at the Battle of the Bands, it was grainy and dark, but it was clear they had definitely made out right before the picture and they were red faced as well. The next photo was a picture they took recently of their old script concert tickets laying on the kitchen counter. The third photo was of Louis on his trip with his family with Harry in the background that they discovered they had during their trip at his mother’s. The fourth was of them at the XFactor auditions. The fifth photo was of Louis' first gift box, the sixth being a screenshot of their first facetime together, the seventh was their selfie together at SeaWorld Orlando on Valentine's Day. The eighth was of Louis and Harry kissing in Orlando Airport and the last photo was one taken today inside the home gym. Louis had his arm around Harry's waist and Harry had his hand on Louis' hip. Harry was visibly sweaty his soaked shirt was in the background in the mirror picture, but Louis loved a sweaty Harry. After writing small dates on the photos, he went to the caption and started typing,

When we first met, I wasn't out of the closet, I took your number, but never actually saved it. It was one of my many regrets back then. Then we saw each other again at The Script concert and I tried to explain, but we were both in a hurry to get back, so I never did. Then we were at the same trip during the summer and I still wasn't out to my family so I ignored you as best as I could but somehow you still ended up, I'm the background of one of the photos. We saw each other again at the XFactor auditions, I was out, and I ran into you and I always knew you'd be famous. I got your first autograph, and you got my favorite cardigan. I had to leave before my audition, but I always knew you'd make it. I wasn't there for the beginning of your journey, but I am here for your new adventure down a different path and I could never be more proud to call you mine. I can't wait to be there with you when the world hears what you've been working so hard on and I can't wait for them to see you the way I get to. I hope one day you are able to walk out of this house in any outfit you want without worry. I hope you're the man that breakfast gender roles and stereotypes and puts on your best either it be in a suit and tie or a dress. I love you and I am proud of you and your journey thus far. I know I'll continue being proud of you in years to come.