#i forgot how much i hate writing this fucker (said as i add him back to the muse page)

[aethergate]

cool valentine date ideas : take the still beating heart of your enemy and offer it to your loved ones ! the theming is on point AND you get revenge. if you're really feeling festive it can also double as a romantic dinner.

[ryozoro]

Hades Playlist - iv.

NOW PLAYING: Memories - David Guetta [ft. Kid Cudi]

an; yo, sorry if the transitions are a little sloppy; I’ll go back in and fix them when I have the chance :,)

last song 🔊 EP 🔊 playlist 🔊 next song

“We try to hide our feelings, but we forget that our eyes can speak.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“HA,” the lady snorted as she played with her wedding ring, “you sound like my husband; you are like - the first girl I’ve met who has thought I was pretty. Thank you, it truly means a lot.” The lady smiled as she began pulling out her wallet and a few written down notes, “it’s uh - fuck hitto, you write like a kid, it’s a 2016 Ducati?”

“2016 Ducati Full Throttle,” yn said back with a small smile as the woman laughed again, “I’m assuming it’s your husband’s old bike?”

“Yeah,” she played with her ring as her smile softened, “he wants it in good condition before he gives it to one of our neighbors. It’s tradition for his - occupation..”

“He in a gang?” Yn asked as she began shuffling through shelves, “Don’t sweat it, I’m not gonna freak out over trivial matters.” The young ryuguji chuckled as she finally found the part she’s been looking for. “Here,” she place the part on the top, “its the G2 Throttle Tamer Ducati you needed. I’m assuming he’s still in a gang by the looks of how you covered for him, but don’t worry - it’d be hypocritical if I got scared you were involved with a delinquent.”

“Oh,” the lady sighed out, “thank gods. You can call me Kaku-san if it’s alright with you? Could you install the part by yourself? Sorry, my man is just always busy with work and was hoping to have someone install it for us..”

“I can’t personally install it, but my brother can! He gets back from his lunch break in about twenty minutes, so I know its a long wait -"

vrrr...vrrr...vrrr

"I'm so sorry, I'll just turn that off-," yn went to hit 'decline call.'

“I can wait, no sweat!” She smiled as she began digging through her mini backpack, “I need to check and see if my loser has ate lunch yet. I'll be outside for a bit." With that, 'Kaku-san' had walked out as she dialed her husband.

"Fucking hell," yn breathed out before hitting accept, "Inui-senpai, hey - what did you need?" Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard his low laugh.

"Just checking to see if my favorite girl has ate yet - so, have you?" Yn could just hear the smile that creeped upon his face, but for some reason - she didn't feel as in awe as she once did.

"Ah," yn scanned the shop and began totaling the price for the repair and writing further notes for her older brother, "no, I haven't ate yet, but I was planning on just heating up some of the leftovers that Souya-kun gave me."

"You know, if you keep being as cute and clingy as you are around him," yn could hear him moving around paper bags of what she assumed was to-go food, "shit, sorry. As I was saying, if you keep being so cuddle buddy with him, he's goin to fall for ya."

"Or," yn rolled her eyes as she began to document minor details on the log for each hour, "maybe, you're just reading in too deep on the fact that Souya is just an overall easily flustered person. Being a decent human does not make my kind actions count as flirting; if it does, well, you men around me are just dumb."

"Oh, don't be like that, princess," inui said in a rather sarcastic tone, "you know I'm just teasing you. Leaving that matter, I got you lunch - your favorite lunch, might I add."

"Thank you senpai, but -,"

"Inui-kun~ why aren't you getting off the phone yet? You promised that you would pay attention to only me today!" Yn heard a whiny voice - a woman’s whiny voice - through the phone, “I thought you said after we get lunch we’re just gonna lay in bed all day.” Inui mumbled something to her that seemed to have shut her up, clearing his throat, “sorry about that, are you still -,”

“I’m pretty busy and I plan on going out with a friend for my lunch break,” she cut him off, “have fun on your day off.”

yn knew she shouldn’t be angry; inui was never hers to begin with, but she was hoping that he’d at least spare her feelings. maybe this was good. maybe knowing that he has someone, even if it’s just a fuck buddy, will help her clear her mind and finally let go.

tani senpai <3: ft during your lunch break?

tani senpai <3: wait do you play cod? if you did that’s be kinda hot

tani senpai <3: I meant dope but hot works too

tani senpai <3: OH, wait rain check on the call, why don’t we just meet in person? ;) after all, I still have your necklace.

tani senpai <3: I cleaned it up because I was wearing it so I wouldn’t lose it.

tani senpai <3: lmfao I really made it a blood diamond at one point

kaku-san paid her total for the part and repair and ensured yn that she’d be back around five. sighing once the older woman left, yn went to check her phone that had been buzzing incessantly since she hung up on her brother’s best friend.

you: I’m gonna punch you in dick next time I see you :,) I was helping someone and I had to act like my phone was not going HAAM in my pocket

tani senpai <3: uh uh uh , leave ran jr. alone. he did nothing wrong :p plus, you’d have to kiss it better if you hurt him

you: I — WHEN ARE WE MEETING AND WHERE ?

tani senpai <3: [location] a small nightclub @ 16:00 tonight :) I would offer to buy your dinner, but you threatened my best man.

you: I hate you :,) but um,,, I don’t exactly know — what to wear to a nightclub..? Can I just go in a hoodie and some sweats and talk to the bouncer like “hey, I know the haitani bros — lemme in.”

tani senpai <3: LMAOOO,, nah I would to see you size the man up. as for clothes — you don’t have anything like ,, that radiates “hot girl” shit ?

you: no, if I’m not in my uniform — I’m either wearing my brother’s clothes with some cargo pants or sweats. sometimes I wear my own clothes, but that’s usually just merch.

tani senpai <3: as much as I want to see you in school uniform or in full need mode, I don’t think the bouncer would just let you in. OH, wait — fuck them. I forgot that I’m literally a god to them lmao,, wear what you want , I’ll wait outside for you and we can walk in together :)

you: wait really :,) I’m gonna try and make use of what I have tho ! I’ll lyk when I get there :)

tani senpai <3: wow so you’re not gonna ft me :|

you: you licherally said “rain check”

tani senpai <3: but I just finished my tasks for today, call me or I’m calling you

you: sorry , my brother just got back, I’ll talk to ya later :p

tani senpai <3: fine :| I’ll just bother Rin then.

the young ryuguji chuckled before locking and pocketing her phone once she noticed her brother’s presence. sure, she was still hurt at the fact that inui is currently hooking up - maybe even dating - another girl, but at least she could look to the eldest of the Haitanis and feel herself forgetting all about her first love.

“What ya lookin at brat,” Ken laughed out as he went to pat her head, “hey, who has you smiling like that?” He has always been protective; it was just his nature as a big brother. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re happy, but if it’s about a boy I would LOVE to know who.”

“It’s just a stupid thing that emma-senpai sent me,” yn attempted to play it off, “anyways — how was lunch?”

“It was good,” draken said as he went to put his jumper back on, “but it coulda been better if inui didn’t bring his ‘friend girl’ around. She kept hittin on Mikey and asking about my necklace and I almost called you up to come deck her.” He quickly grabbed his chain and kissed the ‘Emma’ that hung in the middle just before tucking it back under his white tshirt; it was his routine.

“I woulda showed her that ‘Draken Uppercut’ if I was there big bro,” yn made a small show of what she did in hopes of making her brother smile.

“You’re an idiot,” his smirk plastered on his face in a proud manner, “but I don’t need you wasting your energy on her. It just — like who the hell do you think you are touching a random stranger, especially around their neck. Like who?” She could tell that he was upset that he couldn’t have done anything; Draken was just brought up to be extremely respectful. “The worst part,” he threw a wrench at his ‘anger wall,’ “she kept asking shit like: “who names their kid emma,” “was she at least pretty,” and the one where I almost put my hands on her, “is she dead or something? what you just can’t let go?” Yn, I was so close to knocking her daylights out. She honestly got lucky takemitchy had tackled Mikey, or she woulda got her shit rocked.”

“I,” yn was at a lost for words; she had never heard someone disrespect any of her family this openly, “what the fuck did inui say? Did he just sit there through all this shit?” she moved from behind the counter and rolled out one of the bikes he was scheduled to work on, “please don’t tell me he did.”

“No,” draken rolled his eyes as he recalled the previous events, “just prop it up by station one, gotta get the new 340 mm rear air shock absorber suspensions, oh, could you jot that down, please? But nah, this fucker,” draken lifted the bike up so the back was in the air and put it on a lift, “just found every way to piss me off. Like I love him, but he fucked up today. He told us ‘sorry, she’s just cranky so don’t take her words to heart.’ If she called me ugly or some dumb shit I’d be okay, but he really told me not to take to heart the fact that she spoke on Emma’s name like that.” He tugged on his dark locks as he undid it, “could ya put it back up for me, it’s not tight enough.”

“I gotcha big man,” yn gently massaged his scalp as she went to put his hair in a tight but loose bun, “you know, she’s probably really proud of you right now. Bet she’s smilin up there too.” she could feel his tenseness fade as she comforted him; she’d do this one hundred times a day if it meant that he’d finally stop blaming himself for all those years ago. “There,” she smoothed over the top of his head once more, “all done.”

“Thank ya,” he hums as he begins to work on the bike, “oh, do you want to come with later? me and the boys are gonna head to mitsuyas before we go out so you can hang out with the other brats.”

“Actually, I um,” yn felt the sweat gather in her palms as she walked back to her station, “I was wondering if I could go out tonight - with a friend..”

“What friend,” yn flinched as her brother snapped his gaze towards her, “do I know said friend?”

“N-no,” she cleared her throat and began writing on sticky notes and receipts, “he — they were nice to meet when I first got back in town and offered to hang out - so, I felt that it’d be rude to -,”

“Nah, you’re not going,” draken turned his attention back to the bike, “you’re either going to stay home or hang out at mitsu’s house. No in between.”

“That’s fair,” yn sighed, “can I just have a reason as to why I can’t go?”

“Because I don’t know em and the streets have been rainin havoc since Mikey got out,” he sighed as he put his tools down. He stood up to full height and gently patted the leather seat of the propped up bike, “I just don’t want you to get hurt, bub. Yer my number one right now and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on if you even get the slightest bit of hurt.”

“I understand big draco,” she laughed softly, “Can I just stay in then? I promise I won’t leave; I just feel like being in my own bed tonight.”

“Anything for you, yer majesty.” Ken smiled as he concluded that he had the best sister in the world.

—

“Alright, yn, we’re about to head out,” her big brother knocked on her door, “can ya at come say bye?”

“Fuck,” yn got up and quickly put an oversized sweater and some basketball shorts that reached just below her knees, “gimme a minute! Sorry, I was taking a nap.”

“We’ll be out in the living room, dumbass.”

If anything, yn was just glad none of them walked into her room to see her basically bare figure - shout out to her Ken-nii for knowing his sister. Once fully covered, yn made her wait out the room and noticed everyone sitting on the couch in the living room, even inui.

“Yn,” souya barked out, “you’ve ate right? If you haven’t ‘m gonna fight you!” He stood up and approached yn as all the other boys smirked and whistled in the back. “You guys shut the hell up.!”

“Neh neh,” nahoya laughed, “you need to stop bein so flirty over there, angry.” Smiley always teased angry, but that was just brotherly nature; however, if anyone else were to continuously pick on angry — it wouldn’t be a shock if Smiley was on top of them and imprinting the curve of his elbow into their forehead. “He just missed you, little Ryu. Make sure to let us know if anything happens-,”

“We’re going to get Ken-chin laid,” Mikey said with a mischievous smirk as he began pushing his taller friend out the front door. “Choi~.” The other boys followed either patting her head before they left or hip bumping her; hakkai decided to be the odd man out and hug yn to his chest and dramatically walk out the door as if they won’t see each other for fourth years.

“BYE,” she poked her head out then quickly shut the door and disregarded her hoodie, “now that they’re gone..”

VRRR..VRRR….VRR

“OH MY GOD, WHAT,” picking her phone up off the coffee table she fell back onto the couch, “what do they want-,”

Incoming FaceTime: tani senpai <3

“Shit.!” Yn quickly sat up and answered with an apologetic face, “heeeey, what’s up?”

“You look cozy,” he eyed the tops of her shoulders with only her bra straps decorating them, “cozy enough to make a man stand outside for, hmm - what does my watch read - thirty minutes.”

Yn looked thoroughly confused as she cocked her head to the side and fell back, “what does you standing outside of some random building have to do with me?”

“Did you really —,” she watched the man shift and bring her golden chain into view, “you were supposed to meet me tonight in order to get your precious necklace back. You stood me up and now I look like a fucking idiot who got stood up.” He deadpanned into the camera and had a small pout, “you had all the guys laughin at me, darlin. You really disappointed me.” Yn felt her heart slowly tear; she hated disappointing anyone. “If you were going to show up you could have at least said so.” Just as she was about to speak, Ran hung up and left her to wade in her thoughts.

—

You: Ran-senpai, I promise it was on accident ! I meant to tell you earlier, but it just slipped my mind (read 8:44 p.m.)

You: pls forgive me :,) I fell asleep as soon as we got off work and came home; draken-nii told me to rest up since I can’t go out so I figured I might as well (read 8:45 p.m.)

You: yk if you’re going to read my text, the least ya could do would be to respond. I said I’m sorry. (read 8:47 p.m.)

You: yer a fucking brat , man child who throws a fit and refuses to actually try and listen to others when they try to talk it out with you. (read 8:48 p.m.)

You: self made bitch. (read 8:50 p.m.)

You: yk what, fuck you. I tried to be nice to you and I actually enjoyed talking to you for what-? A week ? You’re mad because I can’t just do what I want? Sorry I’m a great sister who doesn’t want to make her brother worry. Sorry I don’t just abide and do as you please because I’m not a fucking sheep. Keep the necklace for all I care; I’ll just get a new one. Stupid cunt. (read 8:52 p.m.)

You: Fuck face. You probably just wanted to get in my pants and dip; fuck you. Leave me alone, if I see you on the street; I don’t give a fuck if I get shot or jumped, I’m gonna punch you in the throat, pussy ass bitch. (read 8:54 p.m.)

tani senpai <3: give me your address so I can drop this necklace off and get out of your life since you so desperately want me to.

You: no way in hell, just keep it.

tani senpai <3: if you don’t want it then I’ll just drop it off with your brother tomorrow.

You: you fucking —

You: ugh, fine, just drop the shit off and leave . [location] (read 8:59 p.m.)

—

With a knock at the Ryuguji’s front door, yn shrugged the jacket back on and checked through the peep hole. After noticing it was the infamous older brother of the Haitani duo, she quickly yanked him inside and made sure to lock the door quickly.

“You know drop offs don’t usually require the said delivery man to be in the house, correct?” He asked with a bored expression as his eyes scanned the small space. “‘S cute for someone with you and your brother’s income.”

“I only pulled you in because my neighbors like to talk about what goes on throughout everyone’s house,” she rolled her eyes and pulled in the strings of her sweater, “hurry up and give me the fucking necklace so you can leave.”

“I did all the work of coming here,” he brushed past her as he took off his shoes and made his way to sit on the couch, “the least you could do is offer me a drink or some food.” Ran laid back into the cushions and spread his long legs as he slowly turned his gaze to the TV, some random anime blasting in the background. “Well, if you don’t mind, a water will do.”

“Cute for someone with you and your brother’s income,” she mocked as mumbled under her breath and grabbed him a water bottle from the fridge, “here, your majesty.” she tossed it into his lap and stood in between his legs to block the tv and make him focus all of his attention onto her.

“To what do I owe you?”

“My necklace, home invader.”

“Take it off of me then,” he raised an eyebrow, “you didn’t expect me to do that as well did you?”

“Fine,” her shorts hiking up as she moved to straddle his hips, she took note that he had been eyeing her thighs since he arrived, “I’ll take off the stupid thing.” She buried her chin into the crook of his neck, “just sit still so I can -,”

“You know,” he flattened his palms against the bare tops her knees and barely sliding his finger tips up the rim of the pants, “you hiding more just makes me want to see you in less.”

“Heh,” she chuckled as she slowly wrapped her arms around the middle of his torso, “yer a fucking perv as well as a bastard.”

“You know your necklace isn’t dangling along my spine, right?” He chuckled as he gently kneaded her flesh, “am I making you uncomfortable?”

“Nah, feels nice,” she chuckles when she feels him gently dig his finger tips into her skin, “‘m makin you uncomfortable?”

“nah,” he jokingly mocked her as he took his hands and slid them farther up to the tops of he thigh, “boxers?” He pulled back slightly so he could rest his forehead on hers.

“mm, never really wanted to bother ken-nii when he did the laundry, so I just get boxers,” she laughed, “what? Did you honestly think I’d be chilling at home in a thong or something? Women gotta breathe too.” she felt her heartbeat pick up as his finger tips danced along the material; yn wondered if he could tell that she’s never had a boyfriend as she lacked - in takemichi’s words - ‘ettick.’

“You are respectful yet have anger issues, a smart mouth, and embody the term ‘I don’t give a fuck,” he swiftly took both hands from under the clothing and lightly placed them on either side of her face, “you are so fucking gorgeous, didya know that?” His rings were cold on her heated skin, making her smile softly.

“..you know,” yn laid a chaste kiss on the bonten’s left wrist, “… ‘msorry..”

“Couldn’t hear ya,” he chuckled deeply as he maneuvered his right hand at the back of her neck and squeezed lightly, “repeat it more clear this time. You wanna be a good girl, right? Be the best girl you can and repeat it.~”

“Motherfu-, AHEM,” she scrunched her face up in hopes of hiding how happy it made her to have a second chance at being a ‘good girl,’ “‘m sorry you don’t know how to communicate.”

“Ah ah ah,” he squeezed his right hand a little tighter, causing her to ground her hips down and lean forward into his chest, “that’s not what I want to hear.” she heard him groan, but she was too busy fighting the battle in her head as to why she felt more secure when he gripped her tighter.

“I said,” she nuzzled her nose between his lean pecs, “‘m sorry.” Yn got up and placed one of her hands at the base of the bonten tattoo and squeezed gently along his Adam’s apple, “I’m not saying it again, so you better have heard me the first time.”

“You’re so angry; a wolf under sheep’s clothes you are,” ran hummed as he leaned back in, noses brushing, “yer forgiven little lamb. I don’t know - you barking up the wrong tree knowing that I could hurt you just turns me —,”

BZZT, BING.

Both bodies had turned their heads towards the door in confusion.

“Are you expecting guests?”

“No,” yn quickly got off of Ran’s lap and grabbed the crowbar that rested by the umbrellas, “fuck, if it’s those fucking assholes that want to fight ken-nii, ‘m gonna kill em.” She went to look through the peep hole, only to be pulled back to the older man’s chest.

“Let me get it,” ran signaled for her to hide behind the kitchen wall as he pulled out his signature baton that hung on his belt loop, “be quiet, little one.” Ran opened the door to a young man, about a year or two older than yn, dressed in a pizza delivery uniform with 3 large boxes in his hand. If he wasn’t just some kid, the Haitani would’ve beat him just for openly sporting a scowl towards him.

“Oh, hi sir, are you,” the young man looked back at the receipt then back at the Bonten executive, “Kawata Souya? I have one pepperoni, Hawaiian, and plain cheese.” Ran’s head shot to the side at the sound of you rushing towards the door.

“A-ah ! That would be me I guess,” yn guided Ran’s hand behind her to hide the weapon as she widely opened the front door, “sorry my brother’s friend probably ordered it since they went out -,”

“Yn?”

“Huh,” she looked up at the man, “oh shit, hongo?! I thought you were in Osaka right now for Uni; you still play there, right?”

“Yeah,” the worker replied, “oh shit, this like.. a date or something?” He threw his glare at Ran and softened his features once his gaze returned back to the young ryuguji. “Nah, nevermind, that’d be dumb considering you swore off dating,” the bonten men felt as if his heart had been pricked with a small needle, “especially since you used to swear to draken we were gonna get married and stay together forever and ever.” Yn was visibly embarrassed as Ran watched her take the pizza from Hongo’s hands and start trying to kick him off the porch. “Wait, before I go,” he said as he jotted down his number on the receipt, “let me know when you’re free. Maybe ya could come see me play one of these days? Summer games start back up next week so I’ll be headin-,”

Ran pulled on yn’s wrist before slamming the door, interrupting Hongo’s spill. He made show of how hard he locked the door so anyone outside could hear that the house was closed and not expecting anymore visits.

“Ooo,” yn placed the pizzas down onto the small kitchen table and looped her arms around Ran’a slim waist, “are you upset yer not getting all the attention?” She giggled as she kissed the symbol that marked the center of his neck.

“Why would I be upset over some 4 incher maxed college boy,” he smirked as he brought his hand to the side of her face and let his thumb brush along her bottom lip, “plus, if anything he should be the one whose upset. You can’t hate me or push me away if you wanted to; your desire for me to show you the depths of the world is visible just by looking in your eyes.” Yn felt her breath quickening and her head going numb as his words made way into her; making her feel far more intoxicated than any alcohol or drug could have ever done. “You can try to deny it, but what sane person would invite one of the most violent people with the most blood on his hands into her home?”

“I’m the farthest thing from sane,” yn breathed out as she placed a chaste kiss onto his lips before burying her face under his chin, “because I find myself wanting to do this more. I’m so glad I don’t look where I’m going when I’m on my bike.” Ran laughed as he connected their lips, but this time he deepened the kiss; her knees gave out and his tongue slipped in making her lungs just as weak.

“Princess, youre fucking gorgeous,” he broke away before holding her in his strong arms, “but I don’t want to just ‘get in your pants.’ I want-,”

“Good, because im not easy,” she cut him off as she tried to catch her breath.

Ran laughed as he dragged her back to the couch, leaving her to fetch each of them two big slices of cheese pizza. He sat beside her, kissing her temple, and devouring the free meal, “yknow, this taste ten times better than any food at the shitty night club.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she said as she harshly swallowed the dough, “ish bad mannirs..”

“You,” he leaned in and kissed the sauces covered corners of her mouth, “also taste better than any food at the club.”

“Well you’ll have to wait until you can taste all of me,” catching ran off guard - she flirted back, “after all, the fruit taste better when ripened.”

—

“Princess,” Ran attempted to shake her tired figure off him, “believe me, I want to stay. I really do, but I don’t want to cause a stir or heated argument between you and your brother.”

“We we’re just playing Mario kart and you said,” yn stared up at him with an unimpressed glare, “I’d fuck you on the counter of the pizza place just to embarrass that pizza boy,’ and now you’re scared to be caught by my brother?”

“Not scared,” he bit the tip of her nose gently before freeing himself of her limbs, “just cautious. Want my little girl not to have any complications; plus, I’d have to kill your brother if he made you cry.”

“Wait,” she pulled his sleeve, gaining his attention, “text me when you get back home.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead before making his way out her front door, “okay, little lamb.”

—

Within the span of 4 hours, draken arrived back home and yn managed to make the house rid of any clues of guest over; she even masked the smell of Ran’s cologne by bringing the box of pizza to the living room to spread the smell of grease and regrets. She rested easy on the couch, allowing some random movie to lull her into the comfortable cushions.

draken sobered up a bit after he came back and went to get a late night snack from the kitchen. spotting his sister on the couch, he chuckled softly as he gently rubbed her forehead, “thanks for bein a little angel, ya gremlin.”

it’s as if the gods above could sense draken’s obliviousness and caused yns to vibrate several times. Much to her brother’s curiosity, he checked the notifications and felt his blood boil.

—

tani senpai <3: hey, made it back home. hope you rest easy, princess. thnx. rin also says “thanks for allowing him to annoy you so I could catch a break

inui. : yn can we talk? I promise it’s not what you thought; idk what to say. Just remember, you’ll always be my favorite girl ..<3 lmk when you’re ready.

inui. : idk jus tseeing yuor brothr without you attached at the hip just made my stomak hurt, I wanna see you more.. maybe it’s because I’m drunk and finally thinking sobre, but yer awlays my fav

inui. : look, unsot having talked for like — a weakk? Has Ben eating me up, I really miss you. I’ll see you at the shop ? dream well, pretty girl.

takemitchy: BESTIE,, DONT FORGET YOU OWE ME A REMATCH BECAUSE YOU HAD YOUR BROTHER PUT ME IN A CHOKEHOLD SO YOU COULD CROSS THE FINISH LINE

takemitchy: wait, can you send me your brownie recipe ??? Hina loved them :,)

—

he didn’t know whether to be upset at the fact that there was some random “tani senpai” texting his sister and he didn’t know jack shit about them, or the fact one of his best friends was talking and drunk texting his sister. Nothing a beer and pizza can’t help.

After grabbing a full pizza box plus some beer and bringing it to his room, ken stared at his tv processing everything he just seen. Maybe this is just a dream? Maybe he’s so dizzy from the dancing and whiskey that he can’t seem to think straight? There’s just no way that his little sister would actually go for his friend; let alone, his friend returning the affection, right ? There’s absolutely no way that his sister would be letting random boys in the house. Nah, maybe he’s just scared of letting her go to university and growing up on him. This is all just a shitty nightmare.

“Whatever,” draken burped out as he took the cheap beer bottle to his lips, inhaling the last of the liquid, “heh, maybe it’s kisaki’s ghost hauntin my head with dumb thoughts.” He felt himself drifting to sleep, but stirred once he realized he almost forgot his nightly routine. Untucking the chain from his neck and pulling it towards his chapped lips, “g’night emma.”

Taglist: @richiyo @haitanigigi @chifuyusprincess @legravalice @l-ilysm @katariinasworld

[arvinsescape]

Ok when you have the time I thought of this Arvin x reader scenario. Arvin comes to a small town after the events of the movie and falls for the sweet girl working at the bakery and visits her everyday. If you wanna add smut, angst, fighting, or make it only tooth rotting fluff , I don’t care. Have the freedom to write it as you see fit!⭐️👄⭐️

His angel.

A/N: Thank you so much for sending this in! It got kinda long! I really hope you enjoy!!💕

Warnings: Language, Violence, misogyny.

Arvin had moved to the small town after the events of Knockemstiff, that's where he met you. You worked at the local bakery and Arvin was almost addicted to you, he found himself seeking out the bakery almost every day in hopes you were working.

Arvin thought you were sweet and kind, he often found himself thinking about you when he was working on a car at the garage he worked in. Your sweet smile always managed to pull a smile from him, you made his heart do flips and he wanted to work up the courage to ask you on a date.

He'd tried a couple of times, he really had but it always got caught in his throat and he found himself with sweaty palms and a racing heart. He was not the only man in the small town who liked you, no, most of the men did. It angered Arvin, their thoughts were nowhere near as innocent as his own.

Arvin hated the way the men in town spoke about your body and the things they wanted to do to you. It upset him that they couldn't see the sweet girl who deserved the world, only saw you as a piece of meat. He'd almost punched his work colleague for a remark he'd made about your physique.

It wasn't that Arvin didn't find you attractive because god he did, but you were so much more than that in his eyes. He'd gotten to know the sweet and caring nature you had, the way you would try and help anyone regardless of what it cost you.

He was yet again in the bakery, his daily routine, he felt a need to see you at least once a day, allow you to brighten his mood just by smiling at him. Grayson, one of the dickwads that liked to make remarks about you walked in, Arvin felt his anger rise as he watched the man rake his eyes up your body, eyeing you like a prize.

"Y/N? You got any of them sweet cakes left? You know, the ones I like?" He asked and Arvin watched as you gave the man that sweet smile of yours.

"Sure." You answered in that angelic voice. Arvin swears he never believed in angels or any of that stuff until he met you. "How many do you want?" You asked politely, making your way back around the counter.

"I'll take them all." He answered as you bagged them up before charging him, Arvin watched as he handed over the money shooting you a wink.

"Keep it. I'm sure you'll enjoy my tip." He said and Arvin nearly flew for the guy. How dare he? He watched as you gulped slightly, face draining of colour. "How about it doll? Me and you?" Grayson continued and Arvin watched as you shook your head in response.

"I think you should leave her alone." Arvin said as he stood to full height, he might have been slightly shorter than Grayson but Arvin looked far more intimidating.

"What's it got to do with you? Oh, sorry am I trying to muscle in on your territory? I'll happily have her once you've had your fun." Grayson laughed and Arvin felt his blood boil over, taking quick and firm steps towards the man.

"Now listen here you fucking asshole. You leave her alone or you'll have me to answer to, she's not interested." Arvin said, he'd subconsciously grabbed Grayson's shirt.

He watched as Grayson shook slightly, fear shooting through his eyes before he composed himself and held his hands up in defence, cocky smirk on his face.

"Sorry, sorry. Didn't realise it was so serious. I was only having a laugh."

"Fuck off out of here before I throw you out." Arvin said through gritted teeth and Grayson did as he was told, Arvin loosening his grip on his shirt. He turned to look at you. "Sorry." Arvin said sheepishly, he was annoyed with himself for losing his temper in front of you.

"Thank you, Arvin." You said and Arvin nodded before making his way out of the little shop. He was almost kicking himself for losing his temper, thoughts about how you were too good for him flooding his thoughts.

You were completely the opposite, he was all fists and violence and you were all sweet and lovely, there's no way you'd ever be interested.

**

Arvin didn't see you for almost a week, too embarrassed to step foot back in the shop. You shouldn't have had to witness him snap like that, memories of his past flooding through the back of his mind. You were too good for him, too good for a man who'd murdered people, whether they deserved it or not, he didn't want to drag you down.

Arvin was aware he could be a self destructive person, he could be grumpy and not see the fun in most things. You were the opposite and he just didn't want to drag you down, you deserved better, the world in fact. Arvin was so caught up in his own thoughts as he walked through the quiet streets that he almost didn't hear it.

"Grayson, stop." It was your voice, but it sounded sad, panicked, strange to Arvin's ears. "Seriously, I'm not interested you need to leave me alone. Go home." You shouted, you were trying to keep your voice steady Arvin could tell that much but it wasn't convincing.

"Oh come on Y/N, a bit of fun never hurt anyone." Grayson's voice echoed off the quiet walls and Arvin hastily made his way towards the voices. His heart hammering in his chest as the panic rose, he needed to get to you and make sure you were okay, make sure you weren't hurt.

Arvin quickly found the two people the voices belonged to and his anger rose again. Grayson was stood, hand wrapped around your wrist as you struggled to get him to let go, this fucker was in for it.

"Oi!" Arvin shouted and your eyes locked with his own, relief flooding them. "Let go." Arvin snarled and he watched as Grayson released your wrist.

"Fuck off Arvin, this has nothing to do with you." Grayson said, great he was drunk Arvin thought.

"I told you last week to leave her alone and I fucking meant it." Arvin snapped as he made his way towards the two figures, your feet quickly carrying you towards him. Arvin felt almost relived as as you stood in front of him and Arvin couldn't stop himself as he moved you behind him.

"Empty fucking threat. Come on, hand her over." The drunken male said as he made his way towards you, Arvin's hand instantly landing on his chest, stopping him. "Fine, you want a fucking fight over a stupid whore, then let's have at it." Grayson spat, far more confidence due to the alcohol buzzing through his system.

Arvin felt his anger reach a dangerous level at his words, he almost forgot that you were there as he swung for the man. Grayson must have expected it as he ducked just in time, Arvin's fist connecting with the wall. The pain almost didn't register to him as he swung again, this time knocking Grayson backwards.

He watched as the man stumbled, split lip evident and a look of pure anger in his face. Grayson made a move for Arvin but Arvin was smarter and far more powerful than the man in front of him as he knocked him onto his back. Arvin almost couldn't stop himself as he climbed on top of the man and repeatedly shoving his fist into his face. It brought back memories of the time he'd taught Lenora's bullies a lesson.

"Arvin, stop." He heard the words, but they didn't register. "Arvin!" He heard a little more firmly. "You're gonna kill him, you need to stop!" He heard again and he felt a soft hand touch his shoulder, Arvin came crashing back to reality as his vision cleared and he took in the man below him.

Arvin stood up quickly, Grayson groaned before rolling over spitting blood onto the floor. Arvin had just completely lost his temper and in front of you. He felt ashamed of himself, what the fuck where you going to think?

Arvin turned to face you, all thoughts of Grayson leaving him, you looked utterly terrified and Arvin felt awful. He'd probably just scared you off forever, your hands shook slightly as you reached for his hand, carefully holding it in your own.

"I just want to go home." You said just above a whisper, Arvin nodded slightly he walked you home, he needed to make sure you got home safe even if you spent the rest of your life hating him for what had just happened.

The walk was silent, you were unreadable, facial expression something Arvin had never seen before. It wasn't your usual happy self, you seemed deep in thought and Arvin wondered what was going on in that beautiful head. You were probably thinking of ways you could avoid him, a way you could get him to leave you alone.

You silently unlocked your door and Arvin waited for you to let go of his hand but you didn't as you made your way inside, pulling Arvin with you. You sat him down on your couch and silently left the room, returning with a first aid box.

You carefully took his hand in your own and only then did Arvin notice the blood and cuts on them. He watched with furrowed brows as you took a washcloth and wiped the blood away, almost like you were slowly removing the evidence of his violent outburst.

"This might sting a little." You said, voice soft as you looked at him with a sad smile before applying the alcohol rag, Arvin hissed as he felt the alcohol enter his cuts. He resisted the urge to pull his hand from your own, he didn't want to frighten you with any sudden movements.

"I'm sorry." Arvin spoke through a sigh when you grabbed a bandage to wrap his hand in. You looked at him with furrowed brows.

"What for?" You asked and Arvin looked at you like you'd grown two heads, his now bandaged hand leaving your own.

"For losing my temper." Arvin clarified.

"Arvin, you saved me tonight. I'm grateful, sure you could have held back but you saved me." You answered with that sweet smile and being here, in your lovely home, his hands bandaged up he realised he could never have you, you deserved more.

"Stop being so nice. I could've killed the guy." Arvin snapped and you looked at him shocked, he'd never taken that tone with you. "You are too nice for your own good."

"I, you," You tried to speak but Arvin cut you off.

"Don't make excuses for me. I'm a violent person Y/N, wherever I go violence follows and you, you're a good fucking person. You shouldn't be around people like me." He ranted.

"I wasn't making excuses Arvin!" You said, voice slightly raised.

"You should stay as far away from me as possible."

"But Arvin, I don't want to, I really like you!" You exclaimed and Arvin scoffed.

"I saw that look of fear in your eyes tonight. You saw it didn't you, how dangerous I am when I lose my temper." He raged and you stood your ground, determined.

"You wouldn't hurt me." You said confidently.

"You don't know that." Arvin spat back and you shook your head.

"You won't. I know what you're trying to do. You think I'm too good for you so you're just trying to push me away, make me hate you but I don't." You said as you took a step towards him.

"You are too good for me!" He shouted, "you can't fix me Y/N, I'm not like all those old people you help, I can't be helped. I'm violent and I'm no good for you." Arvin was trying desperately to get you to see what he did. "What if I lost my temper with you?" He shouted again.

"You have." You pointed out and Arvin furrowed his brows in response. "You're angry right now and look, I'm fine. You haven't tried to hurt me because you won't. You think I'm some perfect woman Arvin but I'm not. I don't want to fix you, I want you for you." You said as you stepped ever so close to him.

Your scent filled his senses and he became almost drugged from how close you were, his heart beating, palms sweaty. He looked at you and the anger washed away and all he was left with was a sadness.

"Y/N," he sighed. "I like you, so fucking much but I'm no good, you have no idea the burden's I carry, what I've done."

"I don't care," you said as you took his face in your hands. "I don't care what you've done. I care about you and how you make me feel. Arvin, you are a good man, you just need to let yourself see it." You smiled at him. "Kiss me." You demanded of him.

Arvin studied you for a moment, studied how close you'd gotten, how he saw no evidence of fear in your eyes, only adoration, for him. Maybe he wasn't a good man but he would always protect you, always make sure the ground you walked on was worshipped. Maybe he didn't think he was good enough for you but you did and how could he deny you? He would always treat you the way you deserved even if he did have flaws.

Arvin took your face in his hands, yours falling over the top of his own as he pulled you towards him, capturing your lips in his own. The kiss was sweet as you wrapped your arms around his neck, one of his hands slipping to cup your neck. The kiss deepened slightly but out of need and longing, he'd wanted this for so long.

"Stay?" You asked as he rested his forehead against your own. "Please? Arvin, I want you, I want to be with you." You spoke and Arvin felt his heart flutter. He was never going to be a danger to you, you were a goddam fucking angel in his eyes.

"Okay. I'll stay." He agreed as he pulled you in for another kiss. He knew he'd have to tell you why he came here, knew he'd eventually have to come clean about his past and he was terrified it would scare you off. He wanted you so badly and the knowledge that you wanted him to, allowed him to let go of his fears. You were his angel and as long as you allowed him to grace your presence, he would.

[jjuzoir]

request: Hello! Can I ask headcanons about being childhood!besties with Miya twins (about child and about adults)? (by nonnie!)

a/n: ofc baby!! sorry for taking so long 🤧 every time i try writing something happens it’s ridiculous 😔 anyway sorry if it’s bad ive been ✨struggling✨

- Being friends with one of them is like, hard enough— but the two? Good luck.

- You three met via your parents— yes, it’s like that, you were the new kid and awkward as hell. Your parents were having none of that shit and made a playdate for you with the twins, it’s embarrassing, you were like 13 and that’s kind of embarrassing for you and you knew it.

- Like, here you were a newly turned teenager, sitting on a couch with two guys your age all watching a weird cartoon and you all want to die.

- But at some point, you three start acting like you had known each other for your whole lives. You three fight to this day on who cracked the ice, Atsumu swears it was him and his sense of humor but you and Osamu are not taking that shit, like with what humor?

- You start hanging out after school, since you three went to the same school it started bleeding into school time and your teachers hated you three.

- During middle school you three were known to your teachers for being insufferable— more like, Atsumu and you. You two were the type of kids to pass fake notes with the stupidest shit written on it, like middle school humor, “Miss Poopy Pants” and “ICUP” so the teachers would have to read it aloud.

- Osamu and you? Known to the lunch ladies, you two were the first to arrive and gobble down anything and everything especially onigiri. They even snuck you two snacks for class— yes, you were the kids who had a whole grill in the back. Always eating.

- You three didn’t skip class though— I feel like Atsumu might’ve tried to convince you but ultimately forgot.

- During gym you three would always be in the same team if you could pick but it would end with Atsumu and Osamu fighting about dodgeball and getting disqualified leaving you alone.

- They got into Volley around then and you became their number one cheerleader, you’d fight anyone who’d say they weren’t good.

- By high school you three were known for being kind of chaotic!

- You know your parent’s discussed what school they’d put the three of you together in, they joked about separating you guys and you almost cried no joke.

- So you three go to Inarizaki together and when I tell you everyone is annoyed by you three and your shit I mean it 💕

- Especially the volleyball club, you decided to become their manager at the same time the twins got in— they were happy, finally a manager and some new kids; good, good.

- Until they learned about how absolutely full of shit the three of you are, Atsumu and Osamu are already a handful together but you? You add a whole new spice to this shit and it’s ✨embarrassing✨ for them.

- You and ‘Tsumu always goof off and get lost because you two were fighting over something, it takes the whole team’s willpower to not let you stranded.

- “All I’m saying is since Osamu looks like Atsumu, would anyone really notice if we just dye his hair yellow?”

- But they are also thankful, you manage to bring a semblance of peace during their fights. It doesn’t take much for you to calm them down, so they keep you around even if you sometimes distract the two of them too much.

- You’re still their number one cheerleader! Whenever they manage to score you’re the first to jump around and congratulate them, they’d never tell you but it’s kind of sweet seeing you so proud of them. They’d rather die than tell you though so shh.

- You being there brings a new level of competitiveness, they gotta make you proud! You’re cheering your little heart out for them; they can’t embarrass you now.

- But you can't always win, so whenever they (unfortunately) lose, you’re always the first to comfort them. You all go to your house and chill for a while, they get kinda quiet and you can feel how tense they are but they’d rather spend the afternoon after a bad match with you.

- Bet your ass you three watch Power Rangers and you all fight about who the best Ranger is; Atsumu says it’s Red Ranger and Osamu is about to snap his neck when there’s a whole Black Ranger, but they can agree to bully you when you say you like Green the best.

- Back to you being their manager, I feel like they’re kind of better behaved? Like, they get into less trouble and are less likely to fight because Kita sends you to scold them and it’s embarrassing being scolded by someone who thought the Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters was also Michelin Man.

- Now to their individual quirks; Osamu loves it when you help him cook or cook for him, he feels all happy you take the time to make him something— especially when they’re practicing, he really appreciates you coming in with some food for him and the team. He likes the fact you take care of him in small ways!

- “Awww, the little bug cares about me~”

- “Shut up, next time I’m putting cyanide in your stupid Onigiri.”

- Atsumu likes it when you’re just there, not even talking, just vibing together. He likes how you two don’t have to always talk to know what’s going on, it’s probably what he loves the most about your friendship. The fact you just get each other is something he kind of loves.

- Sometimes ruins it by saying dumb shit but it’s okay ♥︎ No it’s not ♥︎

- “Do you ever think about Taemin Paula, like who’s Paula and why are they taming her?”

- “‘Tsumu go back to being quiet, please just shut up.”

- Oh, let’s talk S/O! The two of them are protective over you, you’re their best friend!

- Osamu is more vocal about what he dislikes, he flat out tells you not to go out with them, pointing out all of what he doesn’t like and why he gets bad vibes or why he feels like they’re just not it.

- Atsumu doesn’t say much, he’s got his fair share of flings and dates— good and bad, though, it’d be unfair of him to tell you what to do. But you can tell when he doesn’t like someone you’re seeing.

- This is only if they feel like the person isn’t good enough, it’s not like they don’t want you to date. They’re just careful of it, you’re like a sibling to them and they wouldn’t want you to get heartbroken.

- Speaking about heartbreak; they get very mad at the person, you’re amazing! Why’d they go and fuck you over like that.

- Atsumu would throw hands, it’s in sight with the other person; especially if he never got bad vibes from them, he’s so mad he wasn’t there to see the red flags.

- Osamu is behind him and he’s not stopping his brother, he knew something wasn’t right about them and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give them a piece of his mind.

- But at the end of the day, what’s most important to them is making sure you’re alright at the end of the day. They care about you, dummy.

- They’d come over to your house and cheer you up, Atsumu would tell his jokes and Osamu and you would laugh at how bad they are 💖

- “I’m glad you feel better but I’m startin’ to feel kinda bad here myself-“ “Maybe get better jokes <3”

- Once you three graduate you still keep in touch, probably more with Osamu since he’s not always busy like Atsumu; in other words, even during your adult they torment you 💕

- You’re so proud of the two of them though? Like, you’re always bragging about them, it’s just so !! Seeing the kids you grew up with become successful? Amazing.

- “Have I told you about how my childhood best friend is a PROFESSIONAL, yes PROFESSIONAL, volleyball player?”

- “[Name], I am literally his fucking brother shut up.”

- Osamu and you totally make fun of Atsumu, it’s gotten to the point you always try embarrassing more each game. Your latest (very successful, much to Atsumu’s dismay) attempt was wearing shirts with ugly childhood pictures of Atsumu, I’m talking about the type your parents bring up to make fun of you and a banner that said “Tsu-Tsu our superstar!” or something like that.

- He almost cried on national television, he was horrified, the worst part? You were in front row seats meaning that everyone the camera panned in to one of the players you’d be in full view.

- “Atsumu, is that [Name] and Osamu?” “You were so fucking ugly as a child oh my god-“

- Sakusa is having a field trip with this, that thing won’t die as long as he lives— this man will film this shit, tape it and pass it as a family heirloom.

- “Kiyoomi could you-?”

- “Don’t talk to me you gremlin baby.”

- “This was months ago, let it die!”

- “You lived your whole childhood looking like that, I don’t think I will.”

- The three of you reminiscing about high school together at Onigiri Miya? Yes, it happens and it’s ♥︎

- “Do you remember when Osamu shoved a marble up his nose, stupid kid…”

- “Tch, rough words for a fucker who bit into a brick because it looked tasty.”

- “I was young!”

- “You were 16, piss head.”

- A lot of the time you just like spending time with each other, even during your busy schedules you always do your best to talk to each other at least once a month.

- Sometimes it’s just talking over the phone and other times it’s going to fancy restaurants that Atsumu pays, other times it can also be trying to make new recipes with Osamu as Atsumu just cringes in the back.

- They're just always there for you, yes you fight and yes they’re kind of annoying but you care for them and you don’t mind it. You’d rather spend a whole other lifetime having to endure their teasing than not have them at all.

[morkofday]

thank you once again @yibobibo​ for tagging me ♥ even if, like I said, this is pure torture. I have so many sons that I’ve given up on counting them sigh but here goes.

favourite male fictional characters.

I took it that this meant ten so am going with that (tho am not gonna try and put them into order). am also sticking to all the characters I loved this year. and gonna ramble and add gifs so cutting it here. 

1. Liu Sang

The Lost Tomb Reboot/Reunion: The Sound of The Providence

I have so much love for this boy it’s not even healthy. it’s a bit funny tho bc once I started tltr, I didn’t really like him and almost forgot about him as the first season ended. he just felt so annoying and bitter in what I saw him, even if I did get that he had a Tragic BackstoryTM (I felt for him but well. tltr really made him hard to like at first). but then they brought him back in the second season with his sad puppy eyes and inability to handle his thoughts on wu xie and being all touch-starved and pitiful and whatnot and baam, I had the adoption papers ready. he’s wonderful and so strong and so smart and amazing. and liu chang as his actor has been wonderful (and he’s so pretty my god, have you seen him??)

2. Shen Wei

Guardian

never did I expect to just. fall into this hole after a year? I remember what a mess I was when I first watched guardian over a year ago, right after finishing the untamed. I was in shambles even as I knew how it would end. and now I’ve done this all again while also reading the novel and. my love for shen wei, especially bc it’s zhu yilong acting as shen wei? astronomical. I want to write poetry about him and his stupid responsibilities that he chooses to carry silently and his devotion to zhao yunlan and his love for his ppl and his didi and. I hope that one day I manage to write weilan bc I have this one idea and you can come pry it from my cold, dead fingers if it doesn’t get out there (am also super happy about the edit I made bc my god does he deserve at least that)

3. Cloud Strife

Final Fantasy VII

ok so stepping into the video games territory now. I was waiting for the remake like crazy and it was everything to me once the quarantine hit during spring. the game is so beautiful and I felt like I looked at this gorgeous boy once and was ready to give him my heart (tbh am quite sure he owned my heart before I even learned to know him). he is tragic in so many ways (I’ve only scratched the surface of all of his pain I know) and I wish I could just. hug him a lot. he is kind and cares very deeply even if he hates to show it and I love it how remake showed him also just being a human disaster (some of his scenes are just. peak comedy). I would kill for his smile (I have already cried for it a dozen)

4. Geralt of Rivia

The Witcher (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)

if there’s one grumpy, brickwall of a man I love, it’s geralt. I affectionately call him “papa wolf” while playing witcher 3 and his voice in it does things to me (I am just so fond of him ok, begone you dirty fuckers). I got introduced to him through the books and adored him in them bc he is so prickly and sarcastic and still so full of love even if he will never admit to it. he is the father figure I wish I could have in real life. (and yes, I’ve seen the tv series (or at least a couple of the first episodes) and it looks stunning but. this is my version of geralt and that’s the hill I will die on)

5. Xiaoge

Zhang Qiling, Daomu Biji (The Lost Tomb 2)

(wow finding a gif for him was a pain, apparently I gotta learn how to gif or?) ah, my dear boy who I’ve ended up just calling xiaoge bc he seems to prefer it over his real name/title/whatever zhang qiling really is. I got introduced to him through tltr where we really didn’t get to know that much about him bc he was just... there. huang junjie was absolutely stunning tho and his soft smiles made me super fond, but only in the lost tomb 2 did I really fall in love with xiaoge as a character. I was surprised tbh bc I didn’t expect it to be this drama? I had so many doubts about the cast in tlt2 but they all delivered! and I think cheng yi’s xiaoge is now my favorite bc he somehow captured that softness and the pain of him? (and we do not talk about that buxun storyline tyvm) tho now that ultimate note is on the way, I gotta say that xiao yuliang does a wonderful job as xiaoge too!

6. Wu Xie

Daomu Biji (Ultimate Note)

(sorry we have to go with a pingxie gif now but maybe it’s only fitting) tbh it’s hard to choose my favorite version of wu xie. I think all of the actors for him have done amazing job showing wu xie in different parts of his life (all of them are very distinct but still feel like the same person) but currently zheng shunxi takes the lead. I really wanted to put the reboot version of him here (bc I love that mature, relaxed and somehow very soft version of him and the angst is phenomenal and the thoughts he has about death... yeah) but I already have zhu yilong’s face here once so :’D wu xie is just one of those characters you cannot not like. he is so strong, so kind, so stubborn, so wonderfully stupid sometimes and in need of careful protection. I also adore it how smart he is and I could listen to him spew history facts for 10 hours straight (even if it was in a tomb full of blood zombies) ♥

7. Jiang Cheng

Jiang Wanyin, The Untamed

my darling boy! my beautiful angry grape! I love him beyond words. I love him in all of his raging, misunderstood, stupid, sassy, constipated, abused, tragic, bitter, big hearted glory. I could write novels about him (and I did and am still writing oh boy) and his love for ppl and his inability to show that love and his loneliness and his issues. I could also write another novel for all of his outfits etc. bc damn, what a fashion king. he is just so great. he owns my soul. he deserves happiness and in this essay I will

8. Isana Yashiro

Adolf K. Weismann, K Project

I rewatched k project this spring bc a) it’s one of my favorite animes ever (it just looks stunning with all the colors) and b) I love yashiro to bits. I remember falling in love with him when I first watched k project many years ago bc he was just so kind and bright. this time though, I ended up seeing another side of him and my god did I cry. he is... so sweet. he cares for others so deeply and is ready to sacrifice so much for them and his love for his two clansmen... yeah. I think I finally saw the tragedy of him too, all the pain and loneliness and insecurity he decides to hide behind his smile and obnoxious personality. he reminded me a lot of myself and watching him made my heart bleed in a good way

9. Qi Tiezui

Ba Ye, The Mystic Nine

(wow am going to riot for the lack of all the gifs hhh) yes, we’re continuing with the dmbj universe that sucked me in big time this year. the drama of the mystic nine wasn’t probably that earth shattering for me as it somehow got boring more than once but I did love ba ye to bits. he was just... so nice? I got it that he was somehow this “comedic relief” in the drama with all of his funny scenes and ridiculous mannerisms but I could see the brilliance of him. he is warm and smart and kind of a romantic too and he cares for all of his friends so deeply? it was also sweet how protective of him his two zhangs were (does that run in the family? the tendency to imprint into one smart but disastrous man and keep him safe? maybe) and I really hope I knew more about him bc he seemed to have a lot of knowledge and a lot of impact to ppl’s lives (I yelled when they mentioned him in ultimate note, I miss him ;;)

10. Dorian Pavus

Dragon Age Inquisition

(yes I’ve been replaying DA:I this year, this counts!) another darling boy! my lovely sass master son! I have so much love for him and his story in DA:I. he is my favorite companion (and his romance is my favorite too, probably obvious in the way am currently romancing him for the third time) and he has given me a lot of strength. the way he stands up against his father, how he’s ready to reform his homeland instead of walking away, how he’s so caring for those he sees struggling... it’s very warming and I feel like I’m safe with him. it feels a bit silly to say that but he really is that comfort character I will seek out when I just want to know am doing fine :’) (and I am so excited to see him again in DA4! probably?)

+ 11. Li Cu

Tomb of the Sea

yes I cheated a bit (with my own rules lol) to fit li cu here. I didn’t really expect to like him or tomb of the sea as much as I did once I started it? I’ve seen leo wu elsewhere before this (battle through the heavens, nirvana in fire) and his face always makes me think about a sad puppy so maybe I just grew fond over li cu instantly bc he was... so hurt? the first episode really slaps you in the face with all of it, showing him being abused, wounded, kidnapped, tortured, used and then just very, very scared and broken. he continues being that throughout the whole drama and I feel like tomb of the sea (or sand sea or sha hai idk) is the darkest and angstiest story in the dmbj universe. I know it deserves to be bc this is a dark time for wu xie but... my darling li cu. I wish him only happiness ;; he was so strong and smart and wonderful in this and it was just so amazing to watch him grow and find his own place in the world just bc he did something himself (even when he got dragged into all of this bc of wu xie) also I support the wu xie adopts li cu -agenda

Honorary mentions: 

Zhang Rishan, Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi from DMBJ universe. The Twin Jades of Gusu and Ouyang Zizhen from The Untamed. The Iron Bull and Fenris from Dragon Age games. Thane Krios, Kaidan Alenko and Jaal from Mass Effect games. The whole lot of Assassin’s Creed protagonists (especially Ezio Auditore and Shay Cormac). Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch from The Raven Cycle. Neil Josten from All For The Game. Eduon and March from The Smoke Thieves. Qiling from L.O.R.D. Critical World. Luo Fei from Detective L (played by Bai Yu). 

well, with this I can really see that I have a thing for those who are tragic :’D I have a thing for grumpy, prickly and antisocial guys or those who hide their pain behind a smile. maybe it’s bc I am somehow both, even if I can’t show my anger or be mean to others and even if I feel like my smile never sticks either. I just find kinship in all of the characters who are on this list. and I feel like I aspire to be as strong and as kind and as loving despite all the pain I’ve been put through.  

thank you, this was so much fun! and sorry I made this so long and so complicated ^^’ but well, there are just way too many male characters I love haha

at the end I want to tag @i-am-just-a-kiddo​ @ashenwren​ @kholran​ @tiesanjiao​ @lan-xichens​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @manhasetardis​ and @lzswy​​ ♥ feel free to do this in your own way or not at all! and thank you if you managed to read through my rambling :’D

[katsukikitten]

Ready Set COOK!

A/N have this random ass fic I cranked out cause I watched some food network. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did writing it!

"Y/N is arguable the best cook in the dorms." Mina says salivating over the thought of dinner as 1A figures out what they are going to try to convince you to make.

"Tch. Yea fucking right. I cook the best!" Bakugou chimes in suddenly flipping through the channels with fever.

"Ha!" You laugh dryly, "Maybe when I'm having a bad day."

He grinds his teeth as he glares at you, channel surfing forgotten.

"Let's settle this." He snarls although he barely moves from his lounging position.

"How do you declare we do that spicy boi?" A hush suddenly falls over the room at your most recent and his most hated nickname.

Explosions threaten to pop but the TV blares before he can.

"THIS WEEK ON COOK OFF!"

"OH OH!" Kirishima pipes in, jumping up to point at the TV frantically.

"Fuck no." Bakugou bites out, sending daggers the red heads way.

"Oh come on Bakugou it will be fun!" He whines only to be shut down again. This time with an explosion. The hot head jumps to his feet with smoking hands.

"I SAID FUCK NO!"

"Why? Too scared you'll get your ass kicked?" You prompt, looking at your nails as you speak. He stalks your way leaning over you as you sit on the couch.

"I'm too scared you'll lose so badly you'll have to commit seppuku to regain your honor." The tension is palpable in the large living room, making some of the students feel small from its weight.

"Oh so you admit you worry about me?" You say in your most flirtatious voice, placing your hand onto his shoulder because you love to get under his skin. He jerks back with crazed eyes.

"I don't give a fuck about any of you extras!"

"Good! Now we need judges. Todoroki?" You ask but Bakugou shakes his head.

"His palette is as expanded as a fucking toddler's." The ash blonde shakes his head, "Mother fucker eats cold soba for breakfast lunch AND dinner."

"Ouch." An invisible arrow pierces the two toned boy in the chest.

"Well..." You look around the room, "It can't be biased..."

"Deku? Oh no wait then you'll use him as an *excuse* when you lose." You giggle, his cheeks burn from the sound.

"Fuck you and fuck Deku." He snarls, "What about Shinso?"

"Aaahh that's a good one. He hates everyone equally." You chime in, placing your hand in your chin as you look over your peers.

"Wow glad you noticed." He rolls his amethyst eyes although he does not object.

"Oh Denki!" You point at the electric

"OMG YES MY TIME TO SHINE BABY!" He fists his hands into the pants of your legs, so happy to be included.

"NO! Not pikachu! His brain is FRIED!" Bakugou snarls and Denki let's out a sad 'hey' while a crocodile tear rolls down his cheek.

"Yes, that's what would make him the best wild card! You'll never know what he's gonna think!" You absentmindedly let your hand pet over the curve of his skull.

Part of you wonders if suggesting him is a bad idea. Your eyes flicker to the TV just to see someone asking the sweating chefs what they are planning.

"Kirishima can be the host!" You say with excitement, "Now we just need one more judge. Someone who likes to eat."

Silence settles over the room aside from the now low roar of the TV

"I've got it!" Your new ruby eyed host pipes in, "I'll ask Sun Eater senpai!"

"He's so meek. How are you going to get him to agree?" You ask as a some what devilish smile crosses his face.

"Oi, I forgot you came in after. Poor guy got pestered by shitty hair until he said yes to taking him to his agency." Bakugou crosses his arms.

"We'll compete tomorrow! I've got to prepare!" You stare after Kirishima who runs to get his phone, you cant see him bullying someone into helping him.

×××××××××

You had never been proven more wrong as you stand in the dorms over sized kitchen in front of the panel of judges.

Shinso who looks bored, Denki who reminds you of a kid hopped up on sugar and a petrified Tamaki.

"Welcome chefs!" Kirishima announces, it's funny how quickly he made the kitchen look much like the studio. Even forcing you and Bakugou into real chef jackets while Kirishima wears one of his suits.

"Oi, you really went all out." He growls, somehow making the compliment sound like an insult. You roll your eyes before you let them linger over Bakugou. Much like you he wears the black jacket with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, he has a towel resting over a broad shoulder.

Somehow this outfit makes your cheeks burn. You swallow, looking out over the "live" audience, aka class 1A with every chair they could find in the dorm piled into the smallest part of the kitchen.

Sitting on the edges of their seats.

"Today the two of you will be placed head to head agaisnt one another to become UA's top chef!" Kirishima announces with gusto even earning a small cheer from the audience.

"Tonights prize does not only include bragging rights BUT this!" He gestures widely to the obviously paper mache trophy, Bakugou snorts.

"Really? You could have asked Momo over there?" He points in the dark and Kirishima blushes a bit. Although he is saved as Momo walks towards the front, not breaking the attire with her long sleep dress that looks more like a ball room gown. Kirishima thanks her silently before punching the old trophy off with the new one.

"Who will when this amazing trophy and the title of UA's top chef?" Kirishima looks to the audience before adding, "Let's find out!"

"Contestants, today's challenge is broken down into three parts. Appetizer, entree and dessert! The three dishes must meld flawlessly with one another! You have ten minutes to look over the ingredients and come up with a meal plan. Starting.....now!"

The two of you jump, pulling open at the two large fridges behind you to be met with an array of vegetables and meats.

"Are they like timed?" Shinso asks, as he twirls his fork.

"Good question, Shinso. Yes each portion of the competition will be timed!"

As you begin to put together your game plan you rush towards the pantry. Fear making you hesitate, the pantry was mostly empty just yesterday.

"Oi! Open the fucking door!" A yell behind you before you rip open the cabinet with blatant rage.

Surprisingly the pantry is popping at the seams, ingredients pop out at you that you hastily grab.

"Chefs your time is up! You have fifteen minutes to begin prepare your first dish! GO!"

Excitement pushes your body into motion as you slice bacon strips down the middle. Your thoughts compete with the vigorous chopping from the station next to you as you delicately wrap sliced puff pastry around the now bacon wrapped asparagus.

"Chef Bakugou what are you preparing?"

"Use your fucking eyes." He growls, adding something to a bowl.

"Hey..." Kirishima sounds crestfallen, almost hurt and its hurt enough for Katuski to sigh.

"Alright alright. I'll tell you. Stop pouting!" He chops into a radish harshly to emphasize his point before going on.

"I believe its important to go a little on the lighter side for a starter. Almost refreshing cleanses the palette." Your ears perk at his deep voice as you pull your starter from the oven, "So I'm making a radish and cucumber salad with rice vinager and chili flakes for a small kick."

"It looks wonderful chef!" Kirshima comments before adding, "Five minutes to plate!"

"Shit..." You hiss to yourself as you delicately arrange your asparagus twists, while popping hands roast sesame seeds in an instant before tossing them into the salad.

The two if you plate, arrange and present until kirishima finally shouts

"TIMES UP! STEP AWAY FROM THE PLATES!" Both of you back away with raised hands.

"First up. Y/N-chan." Kirishima says happily as the judges look over their food.

Shinso takes a bite first.

"Flavorful. Savory. Its delicious." Is all he offers as he eats his second.

"Kaminari?" Kirishima prompts. Denki is smiling ear to ear before a rare seriousness washes over his features as he chews.

"I dont like asparagus." He states with a harsh tone.

"IM FUCKED!" You scream internally.

"But you've made me like it."

"IM UNFUCKED!"

Kaminari takes another bite, thinking it over

"The puff pastry is airy and buttery and surprisingly the bacon is crispy without your vegetable drying out. Very well done."

You glance at Bakugou who mouths

"Is he fucking Gorden Ramsey now?" To which you giggle.

"Tamaki senpai, please do not judge on usefulness for your quirk but by taste." Kirishima encourages as Tamaki almost shrinks away. He takes a bite before smiling.

"I..its delicious. Togata would enjoy this."

"Next up Bakugou!"

"Nice kick, cool cuc flavor. I like it." Shinso nods to Bakugou as he makes a mark in on the pad provided.

"Honestly, Chef Katsuki. I was really worried about the heat level when I saw your heavy handed toss of pepper flakes into the salad. But the flakes really bring out the tang of the rice vinager, the smoky flavor of the sesame seed while the radish and cucumber take the edge away *just* enough." Kaminari says before taking another bite, scribbling as he chews.

This time Bakugou looks to you and you laugh aloud at his bewildered scarlet eyes.

"Just got with it!" You call from your station. Struggling to keep your giggle.

Who knew confusion could look so cute?

"Its just the right amount of spice. Togata would enjoy this."

"Take your station, Katsuki as we will now begin the main course. You have thirty five minutes to prepare!"

Time ticks by faster than you'd like as your watched pot of water finally boils. You add in chopped golden potatoes setting a timer before butter flying your chicken breasts for a more even cook and better grilled sear.

Bakugou works furiously with his steak, pounding at it to quickly tenderize it, adding an aromatic garlic herb butter to a heated pan. He swirls the melting blob until it coats the bottom of the pan.

Both of you are about to start your meats before Kirishima breaks your concentration.

"Chefs! I've found an ingredient you HAVE to incorporate into your main dish." He presents a rectangular package that has you seething.

"KIRISHIMA WHAT THE FUCK?!" You both yell in unison, slamming your meats on your cutting boards.

"Dry packs of ramen noodles!" He announces in case either of you couldn't read the damn packaging!

"What the fuck?" Is all the two of you can say as you're tossed the package of ramen noodles. You stare at your dish, you couldn't easily shift your meal plan into Asian like Bakugou could thanks to his universal salad. The dishes had to be cohesive and you had fucking POTATOES BOILING TO BE MASHED

You stare almost stunned as the red rectangle stares back at you.

You hated ramen.

Meanwhile Bakugou grumbles to himself as he slices his steak into thin strips, adding ginger, a bit of sesame seed oil, green onion and some beef broth to boil.

He tosses in the package of ramen.

"This is cheap shit." He grumbles to himself before adding the steak in a few moments later slamming a lid onto the pan. He was lucky he picked a deep pan as opposed to his original idea of a shallow one.

"Half of the time is remaining chefs!"

"Perfect!" You slam your fist into your palm as you make haste. Quickly grabbing eggs, milk, flour and the food processor.

You begun to crush the noodles until they become a fine grain.

"Eji do we have to use the stupid flavor packet?"

"Fucking why would you ask?!" Bakugou snarls your way, ruby red eyes slide to the panel.

"Judges?"

"No." They answer in unison and you both sigh in relief. For you it would have been hard to incorporate to your sudden idea of fried chicken while the flavoring would be too salty and undercut the flavor building he had done for his dish.

You mash your potatoes, adding in garlic cloves, cubes of butter, a bit of season salt all before emulsifying it to a whipped state.

"Five minutes chefs!"

You begin to really sweat now, you didnt want to rush your chicken for fear of the batter not becoming crispy enough or worse yet an undercooked breast.

"Three minutes chefs!"

"Fuck! Cook chicky cook!" You mumble to the fryer, scarlet eyes shift to your bouncing frame, plating his own food, swiping juices that splatter.

"Come on plate damn it! It's done!" He shouts to you.

"You *do* care!" You tease, although your heart is in your throat as you place the chicken onto the plate, drizzling a honied mustard over the breasts.

"Like hell. It's just winning by default is boring. I want to watch them spit your food out." His voice comes out soaking in malice but his eyes say otherwise. Mischief and excitement dance along his scarlet iris.

"AND TIME!" You both step away from your plates. Breathing heavily as the two of you look down at your master pieces.

Bakugou places his hand on the small of your back to guide you in front of the panel as Kirishima grabs your dishes.

"Bakugou you're up first."

"This is not thirty cent ramen." Is all Shinso says as he slurps up the noodles before biting into the beef. No one misses his eyes flutter.

"Wow." Is all Kaminari can say chewing with delight, "Just wow. I would have thought the noodles were homemade. The beef is tender, all cooked evenly. The sauce flavorful, a hit of ginger and I'm surprised you hadn't added any heat. I would have loved to have seen a five alarm ramen from you."

Bakugou grinds his teeth to keep from shouting at his last remark.

"Togata would enjoy this."

"I'll be sure to make him a to go plate." Kirishima winks before presenting your dish.

"I never would have thought to use ramen as breeding." Purple eyes glitter as he devours the chicken.

"Me either. Its excellently light, you matured everyone's favorite honey mustard by making it with a sharper brown mustard and the potatoes are soft, beautifully whipped and garlicy!"

"This is 'southern food?'" Tamaki asks, "Togata would like it."

You smile warmly.

"Last round chefs! You'll have forty five minutes to prepare a dessert with *this* ingredient." He holds up a green can and your stomach sinks.

"Is that fucking wasabi?" Bakugou snarls, even the heat king is stunned.

"Yes chef it is. Please incorporate this ingredient into your dish. Starting...NOW!"

You stare at the green can. What in the actual fuck? Maybe you should have made a menu more geared towards Asian cuisine.

I mean you were in FUCKING JAPAN AFTER ALL.

You snatch onto the can, now was not the time to damn yourself. You could do this. You could beat Bakugou!

Even if it killed you.

You decided to taste it, youd never actually had it, just knew that it was potent.

"That's too much idiot!" Bakugou yells from his station just as your about to put a heaping teaspoon into your mouth.

"Like scoop with a chop stick." He says, showing you himself. His chopstick dips into the wasabi to return with the smallest of green.

You mimic him, popping it into your mouth as instant regret washes over you as you try to break down the components of the flavor.

It was hot with underlying notes of freshness, almost herbal as the heat began to fade.

But with that regret comes an idea.

You work vigorously grabbing all the chocolate you can find before making a batch of brownies, wasabi mixed into the batter.

Nothing was more southern than cake or a brownie.

"I'll fucking tell you what..." You finish the thought aloud as you worked.

All the while Bakugou glances to you with concerned eyes before he measures out the perfect amount of coconut milk to reduce with almond milk, a split vanilla pod, some sugar, honey and wasabi powder.

Soon his odd mixture becomes fragrant, the freshness of it competing with the richness of baking brownies.

Time ticks by too quickly as you snatch the wasabi powder from Bakugou adding the smallest amount to powdered sugar, cocoa and milk as you make the frosting to your brownies.

You feel like you're ahead of time as your plate, eyes looking over to Bakugou who is garnishing ramekins with edible flowers and flakes of coconut.

"Fuck." You murmur before pipping on some icing. Smoothing it out with a knife. Plating it as Kirishima obnoxiously counts down.

"Time!" He yells. You're shaking before glancing at Bakugou who seems nervous himself. Again he guides you to the panel, you lean into him for a bit of support.

Your heart was racing, sweat still dripping down the nape of your neck and beading on your brow.

You couldn't tell who's dishes they favored and there was a chance you could very well lose.

You'd hate to admit but Bakugou's station smelt fucking amazing all night.

"Y/N!" Kirishima smiles a wide tooth smile, "Wasabi brownies. Interesting."

"You mean fucking fire." Shinso says.

"Its astounding how the chocolate adds to the heat with out one overpowering the other. A delicate scale was balanced today."

You find Bakugou's hand by his side. giving it a squeeze to keep yourself form laughing. He leans towards you and whispers into your ear.

"Bet you're regretting adding Flavor Town onto the board."

A giggle escapes your lips that drives Katuski mad.

"Togata would love this! Please save a square for him!"

The judges cleanse their palates before moving into Bakugou's dessert.

"So delicate." Shino adds, looking down at the purple flowers.

"Watch it." He bites but you again squeeze his hand, this time whispering to him

"That means he likes it. You did an amazing job plating."

He watches you smile as you drink in their comments about *his * dish.

"I like that you start and finish things with a refreshing yet memorable dish. The edible flowers add immense color to this dish, the wasabi heightens the sweetness of the honey and the coconut flakes add a little bit of both crunch and depth. Excellent."

"So pretty..." Tamkai stares at his dessert before adding a small bite into his mouth. His eyes flutter and you know then that you've lost.

That's two different judges with different meals that he has impressed. He squeezes your hands, you look up to him expecting a smug smile only to see nervousness.

"The judges will now debate. Please sit in the waiting room while they discuss who will be UA's top chef!"

"Where the fuck is that?" The blonde snarls.

"The living room!" He whispers as you drag an agitated Bakugou with you.

The two of you sit in silence, sinking into the couches with tired bodies.

Adrenaline can do that to you. Minutes tick by before you sigh out.

"I'm pretty sure you won. You..." You gush, "Amazing. That salad looked so damn good!"

Katuski cannot help the smile that spreads across his face as he watches you sing his praises.

"Honestly your southern dishes were something new to them. That's far better and seriously ramen as a breeding? Innovative as fuck." He sags in the couch closer to you. The two of you half fighting over who really one by pointing out the best moves the other did.

Gradually gravitating closer to one another with heatedexcitement fueled by friendly competition. The two of you are butting foreheads as you argue.

"But the flowers were stunning...." The vigor in your tone dies down as you stare into something else that else stunning.

Scarlet eyes sparkle like gems in the low light of the side table lamps. Suddenly you are hyper aware of your proximity to him. You try to scoot back only for your hip to hit the arm of the couch, barely moving a centimeter. You were safely nestled between the couch and his amazingly muscular arms.

Bakugou swallows his desire as he drinks you in this close, having never realizing how pretty you actually were.

Add that to your ability to kick ass on the battle field and in the kitchen had Bakugou looking at you in a whole new light. He seems to choke on his desire as one strong hand finds the nape of your neck.

"I bet nothing tastes as delicious as your lips." He says before pressing his own to yours.

The saying alone has your body flushed and a small whimper erupts in the back of your throat as you closed your eyes.

Shit.

You liked arrogant, smart mouthed, excellent chef handsome ass Bakugou.

And now that you've tasted him, you'll never want to eat anything else again.

You kiss him back with matched passion and the two of you forget about the competition for a moment. Foot steps had the two of you breaking apart, cheeks burning brighter than the boy's hair whose entered the living room just missing everything.

"They are ready to announce the winner." He turns on his heel, expecting the two of you to follow. Both of you share a look before standing. Bakugou wraps his arm around your waist pulling you close to him so he can whisper in the cockiest tone he can muster.

"After they announce me as winner. Let me make you dessert."

@we-starlight-in-the-making @kiribakuho @babybakuu @zbops @crimsondream-1 @alwaysmy crazy ass did it. I made the fic I wanted

[powerdragonmoon]

Claws and Effect

Chapter 1 - No Touch Me

Kacchakoweek2020 - Day 1: Villian AU

Bakugou Katsuki has a second quirk but no one knows. He’s determined to keep it that way. Bakugou Cat-suki AU

I’m dipping into the BNHA fandom with Kacchako week! Wish me luck!! I have two stories I’m going to try to write snippets for using the prompts (this first one is a pretty loose interpretation of Villain AU, but bear with me!) 

(ao3 link) 

Uraraka yawned as she shuffled down the stairs, making her way towards the common room. She reached a tired hand up to her disheveled hair in an attempt to clear it from her face and quickly gave up. It was either very late at night … or very early morning. Uraraka wasn’t too sure but she was awake now and hoped a quick stroll to the downstairs kitchen for a glass of water would help put her back to sleep. 

She paused at the threshold to the common area, noticing a light of the television flickering across the room. 

There was a cat on the couch. 

Uraraka blinked. 

It was the cutest cat she had ever seen. 

The cat’s eyes met hers. Its wide eyes narrowed and it looked almost offended to be interrupted. Was it watching the TV? she wondered as she turned to the television. It was playing a cooking show. On the screen a chef skillfully cut through the body of a red snapper, expertly butchering the fish. 

She was either dreaming or just really really tired. Whichever it was she burst out laughing, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth—pinkies up so as to not add to the absurdity of the scene and float to the ceiling. Of course a cat would be watching a show about sushi. 

When she glanced back at the cat, it was now definitely glaring at her. Uraraka’s eyebrows rose in shock.  

Had Koda brought in another pet? She didn’t recall hearing about it, but she thought about his cute little bunny made her wonder if a bunny and cat would be able to get along. Just the thought alone made her squee to herself just imagining how adorable the interactions could be! 

Collecting herself with a wide smile, she slowly approached the couch and the cat immediately hissed. Uraraka balked at the tiny creature. It was so small, it seemed more appropriate to call it a kitten if anything. It’s pale fur was long and wispy, and it looked so soft, despite the way it spiked chaotically in clumps along its small frame. It must’ve been about seventy-five percent fur; a little cloud of fluff. She wanted to pet it so bad.

Uraraka wasn’t too well versed with the various types of cat breeds. She had friends back home with pet cats but she never had one. When she was younger she had asked her parents over and over for a pet, a cat being at the top of that list, but it was always something that they ever got around to, most likely due to their financial situation and Uraraka eventually stopped asking. 

Not wanting to spook the little kitten, that looked so small on the large green couch, Uraraka tip-toed her way towards the kitchen. With the light of the television and the brightness of the moon shining through the window, she was able to make her way through the dark room. Still, the cat kept its eyes on her, tracking her movement. Its pupils were so wide and dilated, Uraraka couldn’t even make out their colour. 

She couldn’t help herself, even with the intimidating look on the cat’s face, she just had to pet it. Her hand reached forward gently, hoping it was welcoming as she made her way back to the couch. 

“Pspspspspspsps” she whispered. “Here kitty, kitty.” 

The cat stood up, hackles rising. It’s little tail puffed out behind it as she inched closer and closer. 

Perhaps she was testing her luck. The poor little kitten was probably acting out of fear. It was just so teeny tiny. Of course it would be frightened by some stranger approaching it. 

So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when the kitten swatted at her. Its sharp little claws scratched across her palm.

“Oh you little—!” Uraraka jumped back. This was definitely not a dream as a sting of pain tingled against her skin. She let out a string of curses, not having to hold back as no one but that damn cat was there to witness her unfiltered language of profanities. Perhaps it was a habit she had picked up on the many visits she had taken to her parents construction sites or maybe she had been hanging out around Bakugou too much and had somehow managed to have absorbed the violent boy’s choice expletives without even noticing. 

Either way, the cat seemed absolutely ecstatic at her reaction or it was just preparing to bite her as it bared its teeth at her in a way that looked like a rueful grin. 

“Little fucker,” Uraraka glared at it, muttering under her breath as she moved to the kitchen. “You’re lucky you’re so damn cute!” she said over her shoulder. She turned on the lights and went to the sink to run her hand under some water.

The scratch wasn’t very deep in the end, just a superficial wound that looked more painful than it actually was. The cat was just skittish, maybe it was just a stray that had somehow found shelter in their dorms. Poor thing. 

Feeling a little (a lot) guilty, Uraraka opened the fridge, trying to think of an appropriate peace offering for her new acquaintance. She poured some milk out into a bowl before grabbing herself a glass of water.

When she turned back towards the living area of the common room she realized the TV was off now. Had she imagined it being on? 

“Kitty,” she whispered, looking at the empty couch. “Cute kitty! Where’d you go?” 

She continued pspspsps-ing around the common area, bowl in hand but the cat must have left or was just really good at hiding. Sighing, Uraraka eventually gave up, yawning as she stood up from looking under the dining tables. 

“Okay kitty,” she called once more, placing the bowl on the floor. “I’ll leave this here for you! Good night!” 

Uraraka made her way back up to her room, pausing before she reached the hall to the stairs. She glanced down at her hand and the little cuts running perpendicular to the lines of her palm, sprinkled with small beads of blood. 

She closed her hand into a fist to stop the bleeding, it would be easy enough to clean up once she got to her room. The memory of the cute, little kitten still fresh in her head, she wondered where it had gone. Was it scared and lonely? Was it lost? Even as tired as she was, she felt a sudden flow of determination run through her. She was going to try her best to figure it out (after a few hours of sleep). But paramount above all else she had one main goal in mind. 

Next time she saw that cat, she was going to pet the hell out of it.     

-------------------------------------------------------

Bakugou waited, counting out the minutes after he had heard the stairwell door finally close. Once he was sure she was gone, he stretched, leaping out from behind the TV and resettling himself on his spot on the couch. 

As he moved, the crack and shift of his bones echoed with an unbearable itch under his skin. All he knew was that in this form it was minutely easier to deal with, especially late at night, when sleep evaded him. 

His mistake was thinking that he would be the only one up at this hour to come down to their dorm’s common area. He could only hope that Uraraka would wake up in the morning with no memory of their encounter. But with his luck, it would have been more appropriate for his shitty secondary quirk to transform him into a black cat at this point, but no he couldn’t even have that. Instead his quirk allowed him the power to shift into a small as fuck, shitty, little kitten. How lame. 

His stupid tail flicked in annoyance and he glared at it. In this form his sweat wasn’t even the same, completely negating his explosion quirk. It was awful. He lifted up a stupid paw, hating the stupid little toe beans that faced him. He groaned, but it came out as a pathetic mewl, further adding salt to the wounds on his ego.  

Finally deciding he wasn’t going to stay in the common room any longer, Bakugou stood up on his four legs, jumping lithely from the couch. When he rose back up, he was on two legs: two human legs. He rolled his neck, flexing his shoulders as he tried to feel at home in his own body. The odd itch in his bones that had manifested within him along with this lame secondary quirk just years ago had only increased day by day. Nothing he did—short of transforming into his kitten form—seemed to quell the ache. And he refused to have to rely on being a cat for hours every day. He had more important shit to do, especially if he wanted to be the next Number One Hero.  

But it didn’t matter, the pain was manageable for now. He was just being a weak little bitch tonight and had given in despite his better judgement. No matter how bad it got there was no way he was going to let anyone know about his shitty, kitty powers. The embarrassment alone would ruin him and becoming Number One Hero with kitten powers? Villains would laugh their asses off. No one would be able to take him seriously.  

He walked over to the bowl of milk Uraraka had left on the floor. She was such a slob. Granted he may have gone too far in scratching her, but he had warned her with his hissing. It was her fault if she didn’t know when to back off. 

What was she expecting? For him to suddenly warm up to her with the offer of milk? To lap at the bowl like some common house pet? Fuck that. Besides, he tried to avoid eating while in his cat form anyways, he didn’t want to risk any dietary limitations in this puny body and he sure as fuck wasn’t about to eat cat food or some shit. 

Whatever. 

He just needed to stop using this quirk. Just ignore it until he forgot about it. And luckily Uraraka would forget about this whole night too. 

Grumbling to himself, he poured out the milk into the sink, washing the bowl quickly. Once his hands were dry, his palms started sparking out of irritation. Bakugou made his way back to his room, knowing he had a few hours of rolling around restlessly in his bed until dawn. 

Surprisingly, that night, sleep wasn’t as difficult to reach as he had expected. In those few short hours, he dreamt of soft hands and padded fingers running through his fur and for a moment, the ache in his bones was gone …  

Only for it to come back tenfold in the morning when he awoke. 

[bucksbisexual]

okay since im rewatching 2gether, might as well make my reaction public lol

tine trying to be a supportive boyfriend by asking wat if something is troublig and wat’s himbo self being like “nah fam im good” god i love this dumbass

also tine not knowing how to talk about his feelings is so relatable help

honestly i would’ve LOVED to see sarawat at least one (1) question

tine’s smile while wat drinks..... Sir I Am In Love With You

also his blush..... Sir I Am More In Love With You Than I Was Before

“is the lyric about smile or happiness?” “don’t cheat” wat saw through his bullshit right there KSJFHKS

i wonder what’s in those glasses because it doesn’t quite look like coke but it obviously isn’t beer,,,,

ohhhhh “a friend from high school” ... explains tine’s reaction we see in the teaser when he introduces pam as his highschool friend

also explains why tine thought sarawat made that video for her instead of him. wat is in his high school clothes and tine probably thought it was before he saw him (when in fact it was probably recorded the same day lmao sarawat hopeless romantic)

tine: one more game! [spins the coin and supposedly falls on heads] wat!

sarawat: no one can talk to me if i fall asleep

i’m trying not to look at bright’s jiggly butt why is ass so fat fOR

it doesnt add the points here if i dont write something else so intro time yeet

yknow what . we need more earn and more pear in these two last episodes . i need my wlw rep and i need it Now

“personal space is important even for couples” still cant believe man was the owner of their braincell in this scene

tine giving all of type’s info away to wat so wat can give it to man who tine knows will use to pester him until he becomes his boyfriend...... say it with me: tine mantype shipper

“how did you know?” “i prayed to god” literally the funniest part ever

manboss: im not going good luck wat: you’re so full of bullshit

GREEN <3

i will just say that pink is tine’s best colour. i need him in every soft pink thing u can find. it accentuates his skin colour so perfectly and we are Here for it honeyyyy

MIL SHUT THE FUCKUP

sarawat being a savage (rachet booty nasty) we stan

bro get over him oh my god he’s taken and happy with wat LEAVEEEEEE

and man pestering type begins Now ksjfh

i’m like 100000000% sure that the only thing in that whole backpack is a pencil and half of an eraser

im also sure type saw him buy the book since u literally can see him from where man and that girl are and

hold up the waiter looks like a guy from whyru,,,,,,,,,,

i need someone to write a fic about tine being an astronomy lover and wat falling in love with him because of the joy in his eyes when he talks about the stars and interesting facts about the universe and new discoveries of galaxies and other things that wat doesnt really care about but he listens to either way because he’s too in love to shut off his brain

okay back to the episode sorry i just really had to say this

wat really said “don’t take advantage of me when i’m sleeping” when they haven’t even kissed.......... no words, completely speechless

tine probably thought he was being real sneaky right there lmao boy he fell asleep 2 seconds ago

god green really appears for 2 seconds and yet he steals the show KSFJHKFJFS he really was about to beat the person in front of him’s ass for not walking faster im crying i love him

BITCH SHUT UP AND LEAVE THEM ALONE STOP TRYING TO BE A HOMEWRECKER

wat looks so offended by his offer it’s so funny jhfksjhgj still MIL GET THE FUCK OUT

them running around is so funny when u know they had to do that like 20 times and were tired as fuck KSJFHKSHFS

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER i love u

omg the bracelet truly isnt there at the start of the scene :-(

“nuisance tree” lemme just cry a bit

the music stopping here......... they truly played with our feelings there huh

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 2

the reactions are so kdrama outro i cant breathe KJHFJSFKJS

GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTT

“well, you left him” IM GOING TO STEP ON YOU

bracelet where r u :-(

“it was here a second ago” it wasn’t im an obsessed bitch and noticed just as the scene there started

he looks so worried:-( tine baby

“i can make you a new one” “but i want the old one” why do i feel like that has more than one meaning,,,

half of the times wat touches tine’s head his hands are dirty as fuck lmaoooooo

is- is someone wearing a marihuana dress??????

manbosss again and he has a book

type is the teepakorn brother that can lie and will lie meanwhile tine can’t lie for a living

I LOVE THIS GUY GIVE ME HIS SELF CONFIDENCE

dim really made up a whole spirit just for wat to be with tine lmao i cant breathe (unless the pine tree spirit is an actual thing and he just used it for this specific thing lmao)

“that senior is me” “and who did you go with?” “that was a long time ago” “it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me” “green, drop it!” i love them KSFJHFSJHF

green and wats faces i cant bREATHE these are the faces of people who know this is all fake

BRO WAT WASNT EVEN THAT SLICK WITH THE PAPER IN HIS HAND SJKHSFHHKFS

my guess is that he had two papers that were the same number just incase they didnt get the same number but then somehow mf MIL had to come in and ruin it

i dont know who chose to make bright wear this much brown but it honestly fits him so well

coffee for his soon to be boyfie

man: loving u is kind of bothering? type: o_o man

he’s still reading the book kjshfsf WAIT HES SO CUTE

“you gotta miss me if i don’t show up one day” “just back off. i’m leaving. do not follow me. give me some time to miss you” okay tsundere ass bitch

type’s so rich he’d rather spend money on getting his tire fixed than get it fixed by man for free i hate rich people

he’s also too rich to care to check if his doors were locked i-

“for me?” “do you see anyone else?” bitch ass tsundere

type: smiles, realises he just did that, eyes cutely go o_o

type looks so cute in that scene for no reason im going to eat ur cheeks if u dont stop being a cutie

aaaaaand of course theyre not paired up

dude of course he is youre creepy and also trying to break his relationship apart only because u dont have the decency to see that you dont have a place in his heart whatsoever

dim honey........ jskhsjf

tine’s hair....... PLEASE I NEED TO TOUCH IT IT LOOKS SO FLUFFY

“the spirit doesnt like it when you pray with your eyes opened” did literally no one notice how nonsense that was? KSFJHSJ

GREEN U SCARED THE BABY WHY WOULD U DRESS LIKE THAT

he looks so cute im gonna cry like actually cry

weak ass blankets they gave them i swear

if u cuddled then u wouldnt have been cold but noooooo ur big puppy boyfriend has trust issues

baby:-((((((((((( i will cover u with a blanket and give u lots of kithes and hugs

tine having his phone die at an important moment and also having no sense of direction whatsoever is so relatable lmaooooo

thank god for the rain because otherwise sarawat wouldnt have ran the way tine actually went lmao i wouldve beaten dims ass if mil was the one who found him

this scene hurts so much:-(( his throwing the grass like that in complete defeat??????? the flashback to him saying that bad things seem to happen to them lately makes my heart break

the soft touches:-((((( please im gonna Cry

dnotsaysorrydontsaysorrydonsaysorrydontsayHE SAID SORRY FFS

baby :’((((((

“i prayed for something but i havent redeemed that prayer yet” “what did you ask for?” “it’s if i got to see you again, i would show you the video i made. it’s the song your smile you are so curious about” BITCHHHHHHHHH

HES GONNA SHOW ITTTTTT YES I LOVE HOPELESS ROMANTIC HIGHSCHOOLER SARAWAT

he’s all shy i cant breathe he cant even look at the screen skjfhksh

oh so it was on the same day sksjhj forgot about that

I CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

tine is all blushy im gonna sob i love these two

im trying not to scream and tines reaction to wat telling him he went to every scrubb concert just to look for him

ITS NOT GONNA GET STUCK ON THE VIDEO BABY HE WILL LIKE U BACK IN A YEAR!!!!!!

“i like you” “yeah. i know. i like you too” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LITERALLY REWATCHINNG BUT I STILL JUST SCREECHED AT THAT I LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

their smiles after he said it tho.......... my heart hURTS

wat: the wish only drew us to cross paths again. us being together is because of something else, tine: what then? wat: shout out to my homies for being there for me since day one i love u bros

THE FLASHBACK AAAAAAAA I FOUND HIM YES U DID BABYYYYYY

boss’s whistle after he tells them that he only said he would kiss him until he dropped lmaoooooo

“his name is tine. [with the softest voice ever] what a cute name”

manboss looking at each other like this bitch is so gone for this random dude but we’re gonna support him because we’re the only friends he has

wat was probably wishing the pool had water in it so he could throw both of them into it at that moment KJSFHJSFHF

“he’s the one i like” “shiiiiiit” same dim, same

fan dee nAAAAAA

his ass was so gone he was gonna make his ig username lovetine i literally cant believe him

boss having the braincell in this scene i love it

“but earn has a boyfriend” LIES. SO MANY LIES. ITS A GIRL. SHES A WHOLE LESBIAN.

boss once again being the owner of the braincell...... im starting to think he owns it half of the time

“you get it now? us being together is not a coincidence. it’s because of us” WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 3

wait,,,,, tine’s little head tilt,,,,,,, SIR I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU

the stars!!!!!!!!! theyre there!!!!!!

“i think nothing bad is going to happen anymore” honey you got a big storm coming

it ended :’(((((( my beautiful boys i love this episode and drama so much i swear

lets watch the next episode teaser

i dont think tine is gonna lsiten to pam saying that but if he does,,, baby pls dont overthink okay he loves u and wont leave u for anyone in the world

phukong dont come back to him he knows that u like him and will play with ur feelings

type is gonna have to choose between im guessing either a boy interested in him from work or man and im gonna vote for him going with man lets hope i win

WHAT IS WRNOG WITH U BRO GET OUT HES HIS BOYFRIEND OF COURSE HES GOING TO CARE AND WORRY YOURE JSUT A CREEP FOLLOWING HIM AROUND HOPING THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ENDS SO U CAN SNEAK IN UGH

“is pam your first love?” WHY DID U END THE TEASER THERE AAAAAAA BITCH

im so glad that the episode comes out today because i Need to know more

okay thats it if anyone read all of this first of all sorry kjshkfj and second of all thank u ,, u didnt have to but u did and ily for that okay bye

[guardiandae]

Meta/Commentary Part 2: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

(CONTENT WARNING: mental illness, self harm and suicidal ideation mentions)

So when we left off, Nate and Wade had their first real interaction / moment of demonstrated compassion, even if it’s a rough one. Wade flirts, Nate sucks the rancid blood out of his lungs, then tells Wade to clean up their disgusting kitchen and he’ll actually make Wade a meal.

Which is like. Wow. Exciting. Peak interaction and peak affection from Nate so far. Wade actually makes an effort because a homecooked meal from Mr. Grumpy is the nicest thing he’s ever heard and then he waits and waits for Nate to come back and follow through on his promise and Nate.... totally forgets.

Ooof.

So Wade is left fending for himself, and trying to find a way to make quick cash (because Nate has control of Wade’s finances.. and Nate forgot to feed him. Sob.) So he finds someone who thinks he looks enough like Spider-Man to hire him and then this happens.

"Fuck you, Spiderman, you suck!"

"Yeah? That wasn't what your dad said last night," Wade countered. "Or maybe it was, 'cus I'm Spiderman and I love banging old dudes."

The guy had just given him a withering look. "Dude. Whatever gets you off," he muttered, walking away.

"Wait. It's that easy?" Wade wondered aloud, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed by the lack of a fight. He tried not to think about it too much.

Foreshadowing? Oh hell yeah, foreshadowing. Wade is old enough to remember when it wasn’t okay to just... openly admit anything outside of cisheteronormative standards, and this guy not rising to the bait and just saying ‘whatever’ is kind of whiplash. 

-

Wade felt his brain short out when he saw Nate standing with just a towel around his waist.

(Oh no, he's hot. I mean, we already knew that but now he's like, naked and stuff.)

[Is that even legal?]

"Shut up," Wade said, pressing a hand to his head. They were back. Why were they back???

(Why do you think?)

Yeah. So I feel like Wade’s ‘boxes’ are partly like a way for his subconscious to yell at him about all of the stuff he’s trying to ignore. And some of that is really bad stuff for him, that he shouldn’t listen to, like his self hatred and anxieties and suicidal thoughts. But then there are thoughts like these, like his attraction to Nate, his need to be listened to and shown even the barest scraps of respect/affection/kindness, but he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that and won’t say it.

Like, when Nate remembers that he fucked up and forgot about his promise to make Wade dinner:

"Well… at least your kitchen is clean," Nate said. "That's a reward in itself."

(A reward in itself? What kind of asshole says that?)

[The kind that throws away Hello Kitty post it notes.]

"Yeah, I'm gonna agree with the little yellow box on this one," Wade said. "Doing a chore isn't a reward in itself. A reward is a reward."

While Wade’s ‘boxes’ are overall really toxic for him in this fic, they can be a good thing! If it weren’t for his boxes, Wade wouldn’t have been able to process through the fact that Nate disappointed him and caused him suffering and tell him that it was kind of shitty and not okay and end up making Nate promise to actually follow through because it was important to him!!

-

"You know there aren't any boxes, right, Wade?" Nate asked him. "They aren't really in your head."

"I know that," Wade said. "But they still won't shut up.”

Foreshadowing. And also, in this moment, imo, it’s basically giving Wade the opportunity to say, yes I know it’s ‘not real’ but it’s still real. Which is like. The biggest mental illness mood. Of course... they’re kind of referring to two different things, once again. Having different conversations. Wade thinks Nate can’t hear half of his conversation, and Nate must think he’s nuts. Of course, SPOILERS, Nate can hear every single thing that Wade is saying, because he’s talking to himself, and the entire time Nate is trying to asses how the fuck to handle what’s going on and how serious this is.

-

"What do you want to watch?" Nate asked, so casually, it took Wade a long moment to realize that Nate was talking to him, and an even longer moment for his brain to short out.

"What…?"

"What do you want to watch?" Nate asked again, as if this was something that they'd ever done before.

(Nate's never watched TV with us. What's happening???)

[Pity. He knows we're losing it.]

The sad thing is, Wade’s inner thoughts aren’t wrong. It takes hearing Wade’s inner thoughts for himself and seeing him struggle and realizing how badly Wade’s been affected just because Nate has ignored him and given him the cold should so many times... to realize that he needs to give Wade a little bit of kindness. But it feels like it’s coming from pity instead of genuine interest  and pity fucking sucks.

"Nate. I know you don't like being around me," Wade said, slowly. "This isn't your problem, so don't worry about it."

and then he locks himself in the bathroom and tries to just drown out the voices until he can fall asleep, in the bathtub, because mood.

Meanwhile, Nate is concerned, but not showing it well because his concern quickly turns back into anger:

"Please, Wade. Listen to me, not them. These things in your head, they aren't real, okay?" Nate tried to reason with him. "I know it feels like what they're saying is true, but I promise you they aren't right. Not about you. Not about us. Come out of there, alright? Come on, Wade. For fuck's sake, I'm trying to talk to you, isn't that what you wanted? Get the fuck out."

After a while of yelling, Nate realized that Wade had gone quiet. He stopped, trying to get a hold of his anger, his… if he was honest… fear. Fear of losing Wade.

He could use telekinesis to force the lock. He could also break the door down, easily.

Nate pressed his hands against the door, listening. On the other side, he heard Wade humming tunelessly to himself. Drowning out the voices. Drowning out Nate.

He curled his fingers against the cheap faux-wood door and tried to will himself to stop. To calm down.

Nate is starting to understand, to take little steps. He knows he’s already starting to slip up right out of the gate and he knows he needs to stop pushing right now or he’ll only push Wade away.

-

Wade had been talking to himself for a long, long time.

And Nate hadn't really spoken to anyone for almost as long.

This is the point where Nate starts to realize that they both have problems to address. Nate’s behavior (withdrawing/isolating, anger, not communicating) isn’t just toxic for himself, which he’d be fine with, but it’s also eroding Wade’s mental health at the foundation. Even when Nate is interested or concerned for Wade, he doesn’t express it in a way that Wade can recognize. Concern looks like disgust because Wade is so used to the latter; smiling at Wade’s jokes/flirting is interpreted as dark and aggressive because they’re both thinking about two different things; he reads Wade’s cute little notes but throws them away because first he thinks Wade is making fun of him and then he either doesn’t know how to react or the reminder of Wade’s concern/affection makes him uncomfortable because from his perspective he’s offered nothing in return. And if he could just communicate how he felt on his end, Wade wouldn’t be left feeling like Nate hated his fucking guts.

The next morning, Wade is still locked in the bathroom, which means Nate is forced to make an effort to communicate with him, because now he realizes that leaving the house while Wade is still potentially in crisis mode could cause Wade to keep spiraling.

He was ready to go out the door, but at the last second it occurred to him that Wade might wake up and see that Nate had left and take it in the worst way possible. When it came to dealing with Wade, you always had to think to yourself, 'What is the worst case scenario?' and then go a couple steps beyond that. If Nate left without leaving a note, he could come back to Wade giving him the cold shoulder, or he could come back to find the entire building burned to ground.

[Went out.]

There. Simple and to the point.

Ah, fuck. Maybe that was too simple. Wade would think he wasn't coming back, because he was a fucking idiot.

[Went out. Be back later.]

That was still a little bit impersonal. Nate didn't want Wade to think he didn't care about his wellbeing.

[Went out. Be back later. Don't off yourself.]

That was better.

But if Wade actually read this note, Nate also didn't want him to think he could hole up in the bathroom again. That shit got old fast.

[Went out. Be back later. Don't off yourself. Or lock yourself in the bathroom again.]

Nate stared at the note, written on a pastel pink background with little cartoon kittens and hearts and flowers and sweets, and felt a mild panic.

[Fucker], he added hastily, and then left before he had time to second-guess himself.

Nate is still very much in I-don’t-even-like-him denial mode, but this process of thought while he’s writing his note? Ooooh. This is art, baby. Nate is actually concerned about how Wade will react if he leaves the message too short, too uncaring. And then has to add a little ‘fucker’ at the end because hello tough guy points, keep those in the millions. Give Wade an inch, he’ll take a mile.

And of course, when Wade gets up and finds the note, his reaction is, This is a love note. And by all rights... it basically is. It’s the first tangible scrap of evidence Nate has given him that he cares about Wade’s well-being at all, and he cherishes the hell out of it.

Which makes it all the more painful when Wade realizes he was careless and threw that scrap of paper, Proof Nate Cares About Me, into the wash with the rest of his clothes and now it’s destroyed.

-

So... a few things happen all at once. Honestly, just one would be enough to make Wade lose it, but sometimes in fiction you have to drive the point home:

1. Nate says he’s leaving.

"With what you have in the bank, you could probably buy yourself a house, Wade," Nate replied.

"You mean us, right?" Wade corrected.

Nate stared at him and then dropped his gaze to pick at his plate. "The X-Men offered me a position," he said. "I could stay at the mansion, if I wanted to. Or I could get a stipend. It'd probably be enough to pay rent somewhere. So I won't have to keep leeching off of you."

Of course, once again, two different conversations are happening. Nate is saying, I got offered this, I don’t have to stay, I don’t have to keep leeching off of you and offering nothing in return because I am hurting you and it’s making me feel like a useless piece of shit. Remember Wade’s finances are paying for everything right now because Nate doesn’t have stable income. The reason why Nate leaves and disappears for hours or days on end is because he’s trying to find work, but also the world needs heroes right now and hero work isn’t always paid.

But from Wade’s POV, of course Nate should stay with him. But the word ‘leech’ makes him remember that Nate doesn’t even like him and Nate doesn’t need him, but Wade is the one who needs Nate and needs attention and affection that Nate is in no way obligated to give him that.

So Wade says, ‘ok,’ essentially. And to him, that’s putting on a brave face and accepting that Nate will move on, of course he will, so he might as well try to be happy for Nate. But from Nate’s perspective, it’s Wade saying, ‘ok, good, get the fuck out’ in the kindest way possible because now there’s no more excuse for their roommate arrangement to keep existing.

2. Wade’s inner voices start acting up badly, because of the first event. He tries to ignore them, tries to sleep, tries to shut down the bad lines of thought with reason and reality but it’s hard to believe when they just. won’t. stop.

(He doesn't want to see you. Period.)

Wade pressed his hands to his face, tried to breathe in slowly.

"Nate and I… are friends," Wade said.

(Who are you trying to convince?)

"We're friends," he repeated to himself, softer. "We're friends."

Then when Wade tries to distract himself with something else, he tries to go finish the laundry and then realizes that he’d left Nate’s ‘love note’ in his pocket and now it’s obliterated.

[It's gone.]

(Wasn't that your entire proof that Nate gave a single solitary fuck about you?)

"No," Wade lied, but lying to himself didn't always work so well. "It was just a piece of paper."

[But there won't be another one.]

"I'll remember it," Wade whispered pressing his hands to his face.

(Will you? Do you even remember it now?)

Not only was that the only physical proof he had that Nate cared, something his mental illness couldn’t convince him isn’t real, but now that Nate said he’s leaving, Wade knows he won’t ever get another one. That was the first and only note Nate ever wrote to him, and Wade was stupid and careless and let it get destroyed almost immediately. And worse, his memory problems are getting worse and he knows this and he knows that without an actual reminder he’s going to forget what the note said and what Nate’s handwriting looks like and how it felt to read that and eventually he’s going to forget that he ever got a note and eventually he’s going to forget Nate, just like he’s going to forget Vanessa because she’s dead and he only has her memories and photographs and if anything happens to those, there’s a real chance he’ll forget her smile and her face and their moments together and her and it’s too terrifying to deal with and it’s all because it’s all his fault and now he’s in a complete mental breakdown.

-

This time, when he dreamed of finding his wife and daughter's burnt bodies, Wade's was there with them. The only people he cared about. People that he'd failed.

Mmmm foreshadowing. For the sequel, I mean. Oh boy.

Wade’s breakdown wakes Nate up, and by that point it’s full blown mental badness for Wade. Nate finds Wade curled up on the floor, arguing with himself, and tells Nate that he just wants to sleep but the voices won’t stop, and he’s desperate now to the point of self injury and asking Nate to use his telekinesis to help Wade blow his brains out or lobotomize himself.

"I can try to help," Nate offered. "If you'll let me."

(Last time he tried something, you puked your lungs out.)

[This is different. This time we'll puke our brains out.]

(Why waste the strength? Nate has guns. Big ones.)

Wade didn't even care anymore. "Do what you gotta do, Nate."

Once again, Nate offers to help. Once again, because Wade has an extreme solution on his mind, he thinks Nate is offering to help in that way, but Nate has no intention of letting Wade harm himself, or letting Wade think that Nate would ever be willing to harm him.

"I'm not going to blow your brains out and neither are you. I'm a telepath, Wade," Nate reminded him. "Reading your mind is difficult, but I can project thoughts too."

This time Nate actually tells Wade what he’s thinking, what he intends to do to help Wade and what he doesn’t intend to do. Wade gets caught up in babbling about what that could possibly mean, what Nate’s thoughts would be, and since Wade can’t snap out of it or give Nate an answer, Nate goes ahead with his plan to help make Wade’s thoughts stop.

Wade started sounding like a broken record again. Nate put it to an end, connecting to Wade's mind with a touch and projecting a static to drown out the voices and give Wade some relief.

They only connected for a brief instant, and then Wade flinched away from the connection, breaking it.

"Sorry," Nate reached out again, but Wade shivered and stayed just out of reach, as if he were afraid of it.

"What was that?”

Wade is still afraid of Nate’s powers being used on him in ways he didn’t expect. It interrupts the darker, suicidal thoughts, but Wade still struggles openly, first expressing his mixed feelings of fear re: Nate touching him, and also his tentative admission that it was nice to be touched. Then, when his train of thought immediately plunges back into ‘I wish I were dead’ territory, Nate makes a point to interrupt once again, but this time not using his powers.

"Wade," Nate said again, trying to bring him back from another spiral of thoughts. He sat down on the couch, holding his hands out to Wade, but not reaching for him. "Come here. Put your head down, okay? I'll make it quieter this time."

"Make my head quieter?" Wade asked, edging closer.

"Yes," Nate promised. "I'll make it go away."

This time, Nate doesn’t force his methods onto Wade. Wade is fully informed of what Nate intends to do to help him, and the choice is left up to him. This time he has a second to process it, stop being afraid of what Nate’s intentions might be, and accept his help (and his touch) on his own terms.

Wade churns through a few more fears, aloud, (his fear that Nate will leave him, like Vanessa left him, and he’ll forget them both) and also his loneliness, the fact that it’s been so long since he felt love/touch/intimacy, he isn’t sure he remembers what it feels like anymore. Then he accepts Nate’s offer, puts his trust in Nate, and lets Nate make his mind go blank.

Meanwhile, Nate has to try to process the raw admission that their fucked up, dysfunctional non-relationship is half of the entire reason why Wade’s mental health has gotten to this point, because he really thought there was no way Wade cared about him or what he thought, and now he has to figure out how to start undoing that damage.

Skin to skin contact is the only real way Nate can use his powers on Wade directly. Otherwise, his mind is too chaotic and slippery to really work with. This is a rule I set in this AU, but it’s a concept lifted from Cable & Deadpool #3:

There’s no indication this is the case, but Wade’s mind is canonically hard to get a grip on for psychics, and after Nate touched his head, he can hear Wade’s thoughts back to him, so they aren’t speaking out loud and alerting the others of Nates’ presence. I always interpreted that as being, Nate had to do a little more to establish a better connection with Wade’s mind. It probably isn’t the case, maybe he just wanted to give Wade a little tap on the noggin, but I liked that concept for this fic. Bonus feels: In the comic, Wade and Nate had been fighting like cats and dogs up until this point. Wade had joined a cult and helped them, Nate had been trying to fight against them, and Wade ended up being doublecrossed. Here, Wade expresses regret, and Nate shows compassion towards Wade... something exceedingly rare for anyone to do, sadly.

In this fic, Nate can’t stay connected to Wade’s mind (at least, not as easily as this) unless he maintains skin contact with Wade somehow. Because I’m gay and I love drama and it’s soft as hell.

-

"I'm here," Nate assured him, rubbing circles onto Wade's skin with his fingertips. Then he realized, to his embarrassment, that he'd been petting Wade the entire time, and quickly stopped.

"Don't -- Don't stop doing that. Please. It's nice," Wade pleaded, jerking a little under Nate's hands.

"Shh," Nate shushed, afraid that Wade would break the connection. "Okay. I won't stop, but don't move. Just relax."

He let his fingers resume their slow movements. Following the flow of scar tissue on Wade's skin. Brushing his thumb over the curve of Wade's ear. He felt Wade relax against him, sinking deeper.

I have nothing to add, I just want you all to see how soft this is.

-

Wade’s POV: 

"When my daughter Hope has bad dreams, I'd help her fall asleep again," Nate said as he continued the light petting. "Take away all of the nightmares."

For some reason, the reminder that Nate was, above all else, a dad , took Wade by surprise. He was a man who had lost everything, who would have moved heaven and earth to get his daughter back, to keep her safe, and he did exactly that. Somewhere in the future, there was a little girl whose dad loved her that much, that fiercely. Wade couldn't relate. His own dad had been all fierce and no love. The kind of man nightmares were made of.

Nate’s POV:

"When my daughter Hope has bad dreams, I'd help her fall asleep again," Nate said, thinking of how many times he'd held her in his arms and done just this. "Take away all of the nightmares."

Even with Wade's permission to connect with his mind, Wade's thoughts were hard to read. They weren't words or even clear images. It was more like only being able to feel an abstract, and Nate caught the edge of one unexpectedly. It looked like misshapen darkness and it smelled like old booze and it was called father. It felt like being hit with fists and the sharp bite of a belt buckle and it tasted like salt-tears-blood, and it was called love.

Nate pushed the memory away as soon as he realized what it was, focusing a little harder to keep it from forming again. "I'm sorry, Wade. I can't change the past for you, but I can try to make things better here and now. Let's think about something else."

Nate shares a piece of himself with Wade, and tells him about his daughter, about how he’s done this similar psychic technique before to help his daughter fall asleep again if she had a bad nightmare. That reminder of Nate being a dad, of Nate using the same method to soothe his daughter’s nightmares on Wade, reminds Wade of his own father, and the abusive memories associated with him.

It’s not only an example of Wade’s train of thought still leading him into places that are harmful for his state of mind, but also where Wade’s POV and Nate’s POV start to be able to meld together, because Nate can somewhat read what Wade is thinking.

Often, I can write scenes where two characters have an interaction but have wildly different interpretations of it, and depending on which character I’m settled on in 3rd person perspective, it’s left up to the reader to pick up on that or reread later and realize, oh wow, now I know the other person reacted like that because their mind was totally elsewhere. In this fic, every single interaction is like that, and it’s split into stark contrast. Wade is earnest in his interactions, and in denial, and masking so much hurt with humor, and he sees Nate as violent, and cold, and uncaring. Nate is still holding onto trauma, and masking his hurt with stoicism, and ignoring Wade because he cannot allow himself to grow attached to anyone in this timeline because he isn’t sure he could emotionally survive that, and from his perspective Wade is lazy and can’t take anything seriously. Neither of them can communicate well, primarily because Nate shut himself off so effectively until he realized that Wade isn’t actually a punching bag that feels nothing, emotionally or otherwise, and he was being an asshole the entire time.

This is where communication starts to be able to begin, and Nate realizes he’s not going to break or lose his edge if he shows Wade kindness and compassion any more than being a good father to his daughter, because love is not a weakness. Caring is not a weakness.

-

Nate creates a dream for Wade - but, if you didn’t pick up on this - the dream is more Wade’s creation than anything. Nate was accustomed to helping Hope make imaginary snowflakes in her mind. Basically, like counting sheep, but more elaborate (but simple enough for a child) and pretty to look at. When Hope’s imagination wandered off to sleep, she would dream of snow hares made of ice, or spring flowers, or sparkling night skies. Remember - Nate is supposed to be guiding this.

But Wade’s imagination immediately goes out of Nate’s simple guidance, and turns into a full blown dreamscape. Not intricate snowflakes, because that’s complicated and boring to Wade’s mind, but an entire realm of rolling hills covered in snow and little trees, and then because Wade thinks, it would be cold and he doesn’t like that, he imagines that he’s inside where it’s warm and cozy and Nate is there, because he doesn’t want to be alone, and they both have matching sweaters and cocoa because that’s fucking nice and his idea of ‘heaven’ and Nate is shook because he remembers something that Wade doesn’t remember anymore-

Nate and Wade had gone drinking, only once. Before they became roommates. It sounded like a decent idea at the time. With an idiot like Wade, Nate had thought it could even be fun, but all of the alcohol just made Nate feel hazy and depressed. With Wade, it was worse. It made him quieter and cleared his mind. But when his mind was finally clear, there was nothing he could see that was good.

Wade had told Nate about seeing Vanessa when he died. He said if heaven existed, that was all he could ever hope for. Just the two of them in a cozy room, nestled on the couch together, forever. But he could never get in, no matter how many times he tried. She kept telling him it wasn't his time. And Wade was starting to worry that he just wasn't good enough to get there.

They didn't drink again.

Wade remembers that they went drinking, once, and that it was a bad time, but he doesn’t remember the exact details. Nate remembers that he’d thought it would be a decent method of escapism - his personal favorite - but instead the alcohol made them both more depressed and their problems harder to cope with, so they unofficially stopped altogether.

So, when Nate finds himself included in Wade’s dreamscape, he realizes that this is basically Wade’s perfect ideal, but he’s convinced he isn’t supposed to be included and he’s just a poor substitution. 

It was everything Wade had ever hoped for, Nate realized. Only, Nate wasn't supposed to be here.

Just the two of them in a cozy room, nestled on the couch together, forever.

But Nate wasn't Vanessa.

And nothing ever lasted forever.

But this wasn't real.

Which meant that, just for a second, Nate could let himself pretend that it was.

Have I mentioned yet how many of these issues will be carried over into the sequel? Because that should be obvious at this point. Nothing is ever easy to resolve all in one go, unless you’re in like, idk, a fanfic or something. Also, more foreshadowing here about Nate’s conflicted feelings, being subconsciously compared to Vanessa’s former role in Wade’s life.

-

One more chapter, time for the POVs to merge and time for no more fantasy power crutchs to help us get through real communication problems and time to make fun of some X-Men too...

[what-ever-happened-to-chip]

Part 4: Junkie

*insert story and whole memory montage of joni and jesse's life* (I'm writing it now, but to make it complete I would have to write a lot more so i'll slowly add in some shit about it to maybe inspire the mood)

For now,

HOLY SHIT, where was I? Christian? I need a cigarette, what's wrong with my body? Who am I? "Hello Gray" A ghostly smile was plastered on Christian's pale face. "Gray.....yes I'm...Gray? What did you just do to me? Where's Jesse?" "I gave you Joni's memories and of course to see a memory the way it really was perceived, you had to had to have lived it. You just lived Joni's entire life. And in tandum, her mind is melded with her brother's so you just indeed lived Jesse's life to. They're minds melded when they were about 14 so you saw them at the same time then. However once you 'became' Jesse as well you saw all his memories too. Quite the anamoly indeed." I couldn't think straight...or I could. I felt invaded, however I had let this parasite in. No..not parasite, but my mind did not only feel like mine. I felt like 3 people. "You're fucked up, i gotta go..." I knocked the chair over getting up and bee lined to the door. "Oh, but you'll be back" he warned with a sordid grin. Nothing around me looked new, but it's as if I had 3 perspectives of it, but they weren't separate. I was all of us. I was we. But I was only myself still. I understood Joni now and I wish I didn't. What was I thinking? I paced around looking at everyone with shifty eyes and desperately needing an escape? I'd never felt so trapped, but yet apathetic, but not -errr i don't know what i think. They think that. She thinks that. I think....jesus christ. What the fuck is wrong with me, i need something....I

"Oh there you are Gray, please come join us. Lana's observations have led us to discuss, why Jenn has a special hatred for our dear Yuna here." I stared at him too long and forced myselves through the motions of sitting down. "I don't believe Jenn hates me, she's much too kind for that. I know when people are in love they want to protect it and the rejection of feeling your love might be not completely genuine hurts very deeply. I don't want to make her feel that way" "Indeed so Yuna, however I think you just proved my argument right. Jenn wishes you were a bitch so she could hate you, but you make it rather impossible." Marcus grinned at her, was he flirting? I've never noticed flirting from a girl's perspective before. It made me uncomfortable. "Yeah, but you never answered why she wants to hate Yuna, I just don't get it!" lana said confused even though she had more information than anymore. "Shall you be the tie breaker Gray?" 6 sets of eyes all gazed over at him with anticipation. "Uhh...what am I voting on?" "We tryna figure out if that Jenn girl is a THOT or not!" Buddy clapped his big hands together, silently laughing at his own opinion. "Yeah me, Marcus, and obv Yuna don't think she is a bad person just.....yknow confused, but, Buddy, Rikku, and Jesse think she's a cunt... I mean bad person. yeah." I stared at Jesse and wanted to agree with him. At first glance it felt as if I was looking at a reflection. I also wanted to forgive woman? What? I guess I like Jenn....but is she a bitch? I can't stop thinking of calling her my chicka....what the fuck? What do I think. I thought I was confused before. Why do they care what I think of all times? "Oh my god! I told you that he had a crush on Jenn! See Yunie! they should totally date, he LIKES her" The room instantly grew quiet as loud stomps dominated the room. "Who the fuck has a crush on Jenn?" He scanned the room with murderous eyes. He  stared at Marcus suspiciously longer than anyone, but landed on Gray. "Uhh hey man you got that hit you owe me...you....fucker?" Why was I saying the insult like a question. I have no idea how I talk. "You best stay the fuck away from her if you don't want me to kill your unborn children" That hit my chest heart, it hurt so deeply, yet I knew he had made that joke every day this week and it just meant kicking me in the nuts. The crotch. I had never once felt ashamed of having a penis, not once in my life, until now. But i didn't think that. She did. OR he. I was was having a very hard time finding deciding what 'I' thought. "Not if I do it first!" I yelled out impulsively. Is that what Jesse would say? That's so lame. Laughter burst out throught the room. I felt even more shame and wanted to say another self depricating joke just to get through it. I also wanted a drink reaaaaaally bad. Aiden looked even more suspicious at me. "Fuck you guys I got better shit to do" and with that I scurried away. As days went by I knew I was Gray again. I couldn't tell Joni what I did and she seemed none the wiser of my quiet acceptance of her. Jesse seemed more suspicious, but I knew now that his jokes most of the time were desperate paranoia to be in touch. I thought he was just a joker, but the new found knowledge I had made that simplification of him impossible. Like the lonely intimacy junkie I was I couldn't help it, but to want to see more lives now.   Once again I was in the same position in Christians room, this time I sat across from him knee to knee with my palms up. He suggested since he had seen everyone's life that I should start with Yuna. How it felt to have to send Tidus for the 'greater good'. It seemed nice to think about it in a positive way and I was right. When I came back from Yuna's memories I had known pain, loss, and sorrow, but no matter what I had enjoyed everyone moment of life. She truly cherished every experience and every chance she had to be alive. She looked back on all her memories fondly because she got to live them. I was fine feeling the glow of Yuna's mind, but as with any high it wore off and I wanted more. Our sessions became more or less weekly as I let him shape me around the perspective of the comrades around me. Things got darker with Zack, but the integrity I felt and pride in my position made it all worth it. SOLDIER was my (his) life, yet it betrayed, used, and lied to him. It didn't matter what the organization had become SOLDIER was a code he took and vowed to keep to the end. To protect and serve mankind. To be a hero. I felt similarities in Rinoa's fighting spirit and the belief I had in myself with all her decisions. She really did like herself. She would think she was wrong for almost a split second and quickly decide she was right. It wasn't even her fault she had that big of an ego, she was taught to, yet despite it she rebelled for what she thought was right. Roxas proved to be more lonely, the loss of identity and the questioning of your own reality. With is, I saw Sora's too. The metaness of seeing memories through memories was not lost on me and added to a long state of confusion, when I became Gray again. The adventures of Zidane's rogue lifestyle, let me explore the world, feel things deeply, enjoy any piece of life you had, yet have the heart to mourn for important things and fight for truth. I now knew the appeal of cocaine for a performer. Marcus for the entirety of his life was utterly and completely pleased with himself. He hardly ever felt lonely, scared,  or unsure, not in any existential way. The guy didn't even mind being dope sick, he reveled in the extremes of being in a human. He truly did believe Aiden was the most fascinating person he had ever met. He died almost as an inside joke to himself. Christian and I exchanged out quick goodbyes and spoke briefly of perhaps the next person he will show me. I left in a good mood. I safely made it out the door...or so I thought. Aiden burst out from down the hall and grabbed my arm and leaned in close to my face. He stared into my eyes long and hard in a way that made me feel terribly vulnerable. "So you went and saw Christian today?" "What do you mean? I mean yeah...I was looking for you man, back off what the fuck do you care?" "I think your a fucking idiot, but your life" "You hang out with him all the time so who are you to talk?" "yeah but what I do with bitch boy is a whole fucking other game to what you're trying to get off on. Dont' you see?! He'll give you sum chumps memories, all fun and games, but then he'll get bored. And by then you're probably hooked so he can stick his greasy fingers in you head and do whatever he wants. I'm sure he gave you Yuna's huh? How was being the happiest person ever? Or Aang? I bet that zen buddhist shit was real comforable. but just wait  and then he'll give you something shitty ones like Tidus's. Ever thought about what a schitzophernic's brain looks like? Well i'll tell you what, it looks the same. From his point of view his life looked just as normal's as any fucker as boring as Jerry's" "Jerry?" "The dude my mom fucked. Oh you'll find out soon the way you're going. But you know what? When you get to be Gray again and know that you just lived the life of a crazy dude and no one believed you even though he or YOU knew you weren't crazy. Well jokes on you, turns out you were. You'll never forget understanding that fucker. Or maybe Gaara might be a blast. 12 years of complete anguish and loneliness, the pain, the need...the need....." He closed his eyes and started rocking back and forth, grabbing at his hair and scratching his temples. He was starting to sound pretty nuts, which didn't bother me usually, but this time I was terrified. Terrified, because for the first time since i've known the guy his paranoid, weirdo,  bullshit that I always wrote off as crazy, was now starting to make sense to me. "I dont' give a fuck if you fuck up your life holding hands with faggot boy, but I won't have you get in the way of mine. You think Christian's a saint? A fucking weird, but thoughtful guy that helps you understand your friends and gets Aiden get his memories he forgot back?" The more he started saying his own name like it was a strangers, the tenseness in the atmosphere grew. I wanted him to stop talking, I didn't want him to do anything to risk what I wanted to keep doing, but if he disillusioned me how could I continue? " Yeah fucking right. Sure he'll give him back his memories (the him being Aiden himself), but not after he jumbles a bunch of random people's realites in there with them and have me guess which ones are mine. But I don't have to guess, I know the ones that are mine. Because they are the worst thing some one could ever do. If any of those good memories were mine, I wouldn't have forgotten them." Maybe Joni was wrong, if he goes through that every day he must be trying to make things right. Forgetting might be easier, but he takes the bad to have the good. "But if I see everyone's memories. I did everything. Meaning I did nothing. I don't know what bad things I did, so how's any of it my fault. Anyone's memory looks the same as mine. Aiden's memories are his fault. I didn't do them. All i know is what I know. Nothing. Everything. I'm no one but who I want to be. I just want one thing. But i can't have that one memory, I need all of them or else I am what I did. And I won't be him. I won't." Holy shit Joni was right, he's totally checked out. Pretending he isn't his own reality. I pondered about how delusional Jenn was about him. Was that her naturally or did Christian doctor her mind for the benefit of his friend. She's alive right so it doesn't matter he killed her? That's insane. It's all fucked up. I never wanted to think about these things in so much detail. "I got it dude, i'm done" He smiled for a second than decided to take the more stoic route and with dead eyes mutterred, "It will never be done" With that he pulled his jacket tight to his body as if giving himself a hug and stormed off.

[save-the-cronch]

Tree Bros - Superhero AU

Word Count: 3218 (Yeesh)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of bruises, scars, and death. Also suffocating.

Evan Hansen was your typical college student, who also fought as super hero whenever needed. When he wasn't protecting his city, he was just a normal boy with anxiety, who had the constant load of homework, and ran on little sleep, and no coffee as it made his nerves worse. When he wasn’t a regular student, he was a superhero, fighting crime with his badass plant powers. Also, he might have a slight crush on the kid in his creative writing class. His name was Connor Murphy and Evan didn’t think anything could change his perfectness. Connor had shoulder length wavy brown hair. His eyes were blue, but if you could get close enough, which was very hard, you can see the small patch of brown in his right eye. He was tall, and lanky. He didn’t talk much, but his teacher always shared his stories, and they were beautifully written. So, in Evan’s mind, nothing could ever change how perfect Connor is, even if he some how was the maniac, Hell Fire, that he fought basically once a week. However, Connor was most definitely not Hell Fire, it’d be impossible. How could Evan even remotely like a villain anyways?

Evan couldn’t be more wrong.

Connor Murphy, another college student. He was none as the broody stoner that wrote amazing stories. Connor didn’t always go to every class, sometimes he’d skip to smoke, or try and destroy the city, but he was always stopped by that dumbass superhero Evergreen. First of all, how do the plants, that he magically grows, withstand his fierce ice powers. Yea, I know, his name is confusing. Hell Fire with Ice? Well, ice is as cold as hell, hence hell fire, means ice. However, there’s always one class he never skips, creative writing. It’s for two reasons really. He actually likes the class, mainly because his teacher actually treats him like a human. I mean, if his parents cared just a little bit, he’d probably be a hero instead of a villain, but they messed up that shot. The other reason is Evan Hansen, the quiet, sandy haired kid that sits behind him. He has great stories, but even better poems. The only small problem with Evan, is that if Connor ever asked him out like he wanted to, he’d eventually find out that Connor is a villain and he’d be left instantly. Although, it’s not like Evan would say yes on the first place. Even if he was into guys, which Connor wasn’t sure of.

One quiet afternoon, while Evan was walking across the quad, he wasn’t looking where he was going, as he was reading a book about redwood forests, and he crashed into a figure wearing black.

Evan crashed to the ground, dropping his book in the process.

“Oh, shit, sorry.” A masculine voice said from above Evan.

Already nervous with the fact that he’ll probably have to have a small conversation with whoever bumped into him, Evan lifts his head to look at the guy he bumped into. Oh great, Connor Murphy.

“Oh, n-no, it’s okay. I-I wasn’t lo-looking, I-I should be sa-saying s-so-sorry,” Evan just managed to stutter out a whole sentence.

Nice job, fucker, he probably thinks you’re insane now, way to go, dumbass.

“Neither was I, Evan.”

“Evan,” He repeated, then mentally slapped himself about fifty times.

“That’s your name right?” He asks.

“Oh, y-yes it is. S-sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

Great, you made him confused, now he’ll never like you back. Not that he would anyways, you screw up. People only ever like the Evergreen part of you. Not the Evan part.

“It’s just that you said Evan, and then I repeated it, and it’s just so - so annoying when people do that,” Evan rushed out.

“Right, um, I’m Connor.”

“No, no I know.”

SHUT UP EVAN!

“You know?” Connor let’s out a small laugh, not mocking.

“Yeah, um, we’re in the same creative writing class, and the teacher always reads your stories, I love stories, well not all stories, some are bad, but definitely your stories. I mean the stories like your stories. Yeah.” By the end of that little speech, Evan’s whole face is red, and he wishes to go die in a hole.

“Right well, I gotta go, I’ve got some certain things to attend to. But, we’ll talk later yeah?”

Evan just nods, not trusting the way his mouth and brain work together around Connor, well around anyone really.

“Awesome,” Connor fumbles for his bag, and pulls out his phone, “here, type in your number, I’ll text you?”

Evan nods again, going even redder. If that was even possible. He takes Connor’s phone, and types in his number, leaving his contact name as a simple Evan, leaving the name changing up to Connor.

As soon as Evan walks away, Connor adds a little heart to Evan’s contact name, which is completely out of character but the author thinks it’s cute so he has no choice.

One week later, and Evan has found himself pacing his room, as he has done many times before. However, this time is not because he’s stressed for a test, now he’s stressed for his first date with Connor Murphy.

(Yes I’m getting to the fighting stuff, it’ll just take a bit.)

Evan finally stops his pacing, and walks over to his closet. He stares at each shirt, most are blue polos, and finally decides to take the nicest, and by nicest he means the one with the least amount of holes from picking at, shirt in the closet. It’s a blue t-shirt, not a polo, and he has probably worn it once. The shirt actually looks nice on him and is a very nice color, makes his eyes pop.

He then pulls on a pair of jeans, stuffs his wallet into his pocket with his phone, and straps on his watch, which has a handy button on the side to replace his normal clothes with his super suit.

Evan leaves his dorm room, passing his room mate Jared on the way down stairs. They both share a small greeting, and Jared smirks, knowing that Evan is going out on a date with his long time crush.

When Evan exists his dorm building, he can see Connor’s car parked on the other side of the street, with Connor leaning against the passenger side door.

Evan bounds over to Connor, a goofy grin on Evan’s face, and a smirk on Connor’s.

“Hey Ev, you ready to head out?” Connor asks, smirk still implanted on his face.

Evan nods enthusiastically, and Connor opens the door for Evan to hop into the car. Once Evan has his seatbelt on, Connor shuts the door and heads over to his side, getting in and starting the car. 

Throughout the date, Evan and Connor switch off telling their own stories. Connor shares that his dad was a complete ass to him, and still is, and Connor was very excited about moving out. 

Evan then shares that his dad left town with another women when he was seven, and he hasn’t seen him since.

Connor talks about how he has a sister named Zoe, who hates him, but he’d still protect her with his life. Evan found that adorable.

Evan then mentioned how his only family that he really knows is Heidi, his mother. She had no siblings, so he had no aunt, uncles, or cousins, also, her mother died before Evan was born, and her father died when Evan was three.

They keep up the story telling, and basically tell each other everything. Well, almost everything.

Evan leaves out that he also happens to be the well known, and well worshiped superhero, Evergreen. And Connor just forgot to mention the small detail of him being the monstrous ice villains, Hell Fire.

By the end of the date they already had plans for a second date, and neither boy could be happier. Sadly, they’ll have to face the truth some day.

Five months after they started dating, they’ve begun to notice the others bruises and scars, un knowingly caused by one another. Connor, being the caring boyfriend he is, decides to bring it up one night.

Evan and Connor were watching a kids movie, Finding Nemo. They were curled up on the couch, Connor behind Evan, with Evan’s body in a tight ball. Connor was rubbing soothing circles, thinking about his villain life. It’s not that he wanted to be a villain, he just didn't want to be like his parents, who were ‘the good people’. Connor was always reprimanded when he was younger because he talked about guys the way his dad believed he should talk about girls. Connor never understood why though. He always that boys were prettier, and easier to talk to. Why should he like a girl, when there were so many nice guys to choose from. His dad didn't seem to agree with him.

Connor wanted to be good, but being evil also gave him a sort of highlife defying his parents was his true calling. However, being with Evan has dulled the villain high, and brought forward a new high. Being with Evan is also like defying his father, Evan was a guy. His dad would definitely not be okay with that.

Thinking this, Connor pulled Evan closer to him.

Even so, with Evan giving him a brighter light to look at, he still felt like he needed to be a villain. He loved being with Evan, loved the attention Evan gave him, and loved the talks they had, and just loved Evan. However, the only way Connor would be able to stop, would be if Evan found out. Connor would make sure he never did.

Thinking about his second life, made Connor think about his injuries, which then made him think about Evan’s bruises, and scars. He wondered how Evan got them all, and when he got them all. Some are most certainly new, many are older. So, Connor decides to ask.

“Ev?” He hums.

“Yeah?” Evan sounds sleepy, like he’s about to fall asleep, as he usually does on their movie nights.

“I was just wondering where you got your scars from, you never talk about them.”

“Oh, uh, just, ya know, being reckless.”

“Ev, you’re the safest person I know, what in the world could prompt you to be reckless.”

“Oh, um, well, you never talk about your scars either.”

Connor blushes, before regaining his composure. 

“I asked first Evan, come on, why not just tell me. I know everything else about you.”

Evan sits, up, Connor following.

“No, Con, you don’t.”

“What?” He whispers.

“You don’t know everything about me. No one knows everything about me. Sure you know the most about me, but there are somethings better left unsaid.”

“What? Evan? Don’t you trust me?” 

How fucking ironic. Conor thinks. I’m asking if Evan trusts me enough so he can tell me all his secrets, when I can’t even tell him my biggest secret.

“Of course I do! Connor, I just, I can’t tell you this. It’d put you in so much danger.”

At that Connor laughs. “Yeah okay, use the ‘i don’t want you hurt’ line from every action movie ever, and then what? I find out and turns out I won’t die cause I’m the main character’s, who just also happens to be the hero, love interest, and I actually can deal with it and more cause love always wins! Good trumps evil right?” Connor doesn't really know why he’s getting so mad about this. All he does know is that he can't seem to cool down.

“No, Connor, that’s not-”

“Well guess what Evan,” Connor almost shouts, interrupting Evan, “I don’t fucking care. If you don’t trust me, what’s the point right?” 

I’m such a fucking hypocrite! Connor screams at himself. Just shut the fuck up, don’t leave Evan’s dorm, and apologize!

But,of course, Connor doesn’t listen to the smart part of his brain. Nope, he leaves Evan looking horrified at the idea of losing Connor, even though Connor really just needs to cool off, and instead stalks out of Evan’s dorm building. Soon after, Evan jumps up and sprints out as well. He sees Connor entering the mess hall, and as he reaches the bing wooden doors, the suddenly burst open.

Evan stumbles back, as ice fills the entrance. 

Fuck. This? Now? Seriously? Evan groans. Then his eyes go wide. SHIT! Connor’s in there. damn it he could get hurt!

Evan glances around, and sees no one around. He presses the small button on the side of his watch, and in a flash, he’s covered in a green spandex suit, with white lines zig-zagging on the side, and the letters EG on his chest, and w white mask covering half his face.

Evergreen runs into the building, growing some thorn bushes to razor the way through the ice. At the end of the hall, Evergreen can see Hell Fire, In all his blue fiery suited glory. His hair is up, like always, and his face is covered but the dumb blue mask.

Evergreen glares daggers at his nemesis, and approaches him, plants spontaneously growing with each step, showing his anger.

“You better not harm anyone in here, Hell Fire,” Evergreen growls.

Hell Fire just laughs. “Why on Earth would I listen to you, plant boy.” Hell Fire studies the hero, then he lets out another laugh. “Well, I’ll be damned, tree kid here, is protecting not everyone in here, but a special someone. Who is it? A girlfriend? A sibling? A boyfriend?”

Evergreen’s glare harden’s at boyfriend, and Hell Fire squeals with delight.

“Little plant boy is in love. Wonder who the lucky contestant is. Does he even know that his little boyfriend is a crime fighting superhero?” Hell Fire glances at Evergreen, noticing that he hasn’t moved.

“Ah, so he doesn't know about your double life. How adorable, yet, they will find out someday, and when they do, I’ll bet they’ll be pissed that you didn't trust them, I bet-”

“Shut the fuck up, Hell Fire,” Evergreen snarls, lifting his arms to trap the ice controlling villain.

Hell Fire wiggles in the vine’s tight hold on him, but doesn’t let his childish smirk leave his face.

“You tell me where you’re keeping the people that were in here when you attacked, or I kill you.” Evergreen is done playing games, and only wants Connor out of Hell Fire’s reach.

“Now now tree boy, that’s no fun!”

Evergreen tightens his fists, which in turn, tightens the vines.

“Alright, fine, yeah!” Hell Fire gasps out. “They're just behind that door, why do you have to be so boring tree boy!”

Evergreen glares at Hell Fire. He lifts his left hand and uses it to maneuver a vine to wrap around the handle of the door that Hell Fire pointed at. the door opens, and Evergreen can see all of five people in the room, none are Connor.

His fist tightens again and he whips around to face Hell Fire.

“Where. is. Connor!” He screams.

“C-connor who?” Hell Fire gasps, as the vines are tightening around his lungs.

“Connor fucking Murphy! I saw him run in here, and you are not going anywhere until you tell me where he is. How the fuck did you know? How could have possibly known! My regular life was completely hidden! How the fuck did you know he was my boyfriend!” 

The whole time that Evergreen was screaming, Hell Fire just gapes at the hero. If he heard correctly, that means his feet little Evan is the same guy that he battles head to head every week.

Fuck.

Evergreen stares at Hell Fire, waiting for an answer.

“Evan?” Is all Hell Fire can get out. At this point, the five people that were in the room Evergreen opened have fled the building, in search for a safe place to hide.

Evergreen continues to stares at his enemy.

“Evan, i-it’s me. It’s Co-connor.” Hell Fire chokes out, still being strangled by the vines holding him.

Evergreen’s glare hardens once again. “Impossible, my Connor would never do anything like this. He’s a good guy. All you are is a forgotten piece of trash. All you do is hurt people because you think its fun!” Evergreen spits, making Hell Fire wince.

“Pl-please, Evan, believe me. I-I know that I-I’m a tea-ter-terrible person, but I d-don’t en-enjoy it! I fuck-ing hate i-it! I-I on-only do it ca-cause of my dad! Y-you know h-how terr-terrible he is! I al-always said coll-ege was m-my esc-escape! How would I-I kn-know this if I wasn’t Co-connor!”

Evergreen’s grip loosens, and Hell Fire drops to the ground panting, and grasping his throat. Evergreen watches as he reaches up the the necklace on his neck and he squeezes it in his hand. A glow erupts from the tiny charm, and suddenly Connor Murphy is laying down, still coughing, in front of Evergreen.

Then, Evergreen reaches towards his wrist and presses the button on his watch, and suddenly Evan Hansen stands in his place.

Evan runs to Connor, pulling him into a hug, sobbing on his shoulder.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so s-sorry! I’ve pu-put you through so much sh-shit!”

“Ev, it’s okay. I’m kind of an asshole,” Connor laughs, finally having caught his breath. “I’m the one who should be apologizing. And I’m sorry. I should never have become a villain just to spite my father, I’m such a fucking dumbass. I’ve hurt the guy I love, without even knowing it, because of my hatred for my father.”

Evan mumbles something that sounded like a ‘I understand.”

The two boys stay there, holding onto each other, Evan sobbing, and Connor soothing him.

Once Evan got all the tears out of his system, Connor speaks.

“I think, I think Hell Fire should be no more. I can’t carry on fighting you. We have to stage my death.”

And that’s exactly what they do. The week after the reveal, Evergreen finally ‘defeats’ Hell Fire by Hell Fire drowning in a lake. Evergreen tells the news that he buried the body, and until another villain shows, the city is safe, and will always be protected.

A week after that, a new hero is introduced as Arctic Fox, and helps Evergreen in his battles.

Connor is sitting at the base of a giant oak tree, with his boyfriend’s head in his lap. It’s been a year since Hell Fire ‘died’, and Arctic Fox showed up.

According to Evan, Connor looks extremely hot in his Arctic Fox costume, and so Connor is extremely grateful for the fact that he created the new persona.

Evan was quietly reading a book, while Connor was sketching him doing so, when they heard a sudden crash. 

The two instantly leap up from their calm position, and glance at each other, nodding. 

Connor twists his necklace, which he got once he became Arctic Fox, and Evan presses on his watch.

Evan and Connor are gone, now replaced with Evergreen and Arctic Fox, the dynamic duo. The two superheroes that everyone suspects are dating, but no one knows for sure. The two superheroes that  started as enemies. The two superheroes that would do anything for their city.

The two superheroes that would do anything for each other.

So, I dunno how I feel on the ending, but that took a long time to write, like three hours, and it’s one am, so I need sleep. Anyways I hope ya’ll liked it, and just hit me up for anymore, if you want.

[canonandme]

Grandma (Part I)

A NeighborAU Cassian x Reader

Summary: The guy next door should be responsible for the things his cat did in your house.

Part of @fandom-writes & @the-new-fanfic-order Galactic Fanatic AU Challenge

A/N: HELP ME! I can’t write for my life, this shit took me almost a week, it’s past midnight where I live and I can’t take it anymore. On top of that it’s gonna be a series omg i’m not gonna make it on time kill me now. Feedback would be really cool, English is not my first language

“The dude is here”, your roomie Zoe told you, after that you ran with all your strengt and hatred where the man next door was, stepping out of the passenger seat of a parked car in front of his house. “You asshole!” you yelled while tackled him, both of you fell to the ground.

“What the hell you crazy fucker?” he didn’t knew who you were and it didn’t surprised you, after all since you and Zoe moved in this neigborhood you never went to talk to him and viceversa, looked at him from afar a few times. He wore short hair and beard all along with a face that said ‘I have no friends’. What was his name anyway? Calvin? Cirilo? The only thing you knew about him was he had a black Sphynx cat that was the reason you were mad at him in the first place.

“You! You are gonna pay for this!” you yelled again, slapped him over and over, tugged on his shirt.  

“What are you talking about?!” the man asked with a tone of confusion and anger as he tried to protect himself with his arms.

“Your cat”

“What’s with him?”

“Mated with my Grandma!”

“Whaaaat?!”your neighbor and his friend, a guy with long hair and a pair of glasses over his forehead asked astonished at the same time, the weirdest thougths runing on their minds. ”Kaytoo?, how?, why?”

“Don’t play the fool with me, you know what your ugly ass cat did and you are gonna pay for it! Understood?!”. The fight went on, more like you kept throwing slaps and insults while the other guy blocked half of them as he said things like “stop”, “leave me alone”, “you got issues” again and again until…

“Oi you two” Zoe tried to stop the fight. “If you guys haven’t notice everyone on the block is watching how you drag eachother and you Y/N in particular know how much i hate when people stare at me so please could we have this conversation inside?” you forgot about the world by how upset you were yet Zoe was right: the man and you still laid on the sidewalk in front of his house with dust and mud all over your clothes and messy hair, some people watched the show from the front of their houses or the front sidewalk; even the long haired guy hid inside his car leaned back seat also windows closed.

With your last energies together with your almost null dignity you sighted a weak “fine”.

Your neighbor Cassian, you knew his name at last, inhaled deeply, eyes closed and furrowed brows trying to figure out what was the reason you were mad at him after hours of fights and discussions in his living room, he and his friend Bodhi sat on the large couch, Zoe and you in front of them. “Let me get this straight… you said my cat mated with your cat… Grandma… I mean… all this time you were talking about your cat?”

“Well duh, what did you understand?” you mocked him.

“Nothing, nothing at all” he cut it off, plus made a mental note to not jump into conclusions too fast next time. “Who even names a cat Grandma?”

“Don’t be rude, she has arthritis. And don’t try to change the subject, I know your little gremlin got my poor Grandma pregnant so as I said from the begining you are goint to help me with her pregnancy”.

“Stop right now. First: the fact that you have named your cat Grandma makes things a thousand percent more akward. Second: why are you so sure Kaytoo mated with your cat?”, cold voice dude.

“Two weeks ago me and Zoe went out and I forgot to closed he kitchen window so when we came back I found them in my bed. Like, you let your stupid cat get into my house”

“Maybe now you will learn to be more responsible. By the way two weeks ago I was not even in the city, I have things to do, places to go and don’t have time to stalk my neighbors like some people”, Cassian mumbled those last words trying to add tons of poison to his voice. Not only you felt ofended but intimidated.

“Don’t you dare to talk to me like that”. You tried to hide your fears as much as posible; another discussion started off.

Although the fuss Bodhi was too deep into pet Kaytoo to noticed neither the fight nor Zoe who couldn’t take her eyes off him. That soft long hair, those big brown eyes, that perfect skin and soft personality, not like Cassian who acted like he had lemons up his ass.

You were done with all of that so you stopped the fight. “Enough! As I said in the very begining you are gonna help me with the pregnancy of my cat. End. Of. Discussion! Zoe let’s go”. Zoe sighed deeply still staring at Bodhi. “Five more minutes please”, till then Bodhi paid attention to her and blushed, not sure about what to do next. Zoe didn’t move so you shove her to the door. “Don’t fall for the enemy, it’s a trap”, you whisper to her.

Cassian felt grateful everything was finally over, rubbed his hands on his face as he left a groan out. Kaytoo was still next to Bodhi ignoring all the things that happened for his fault, Cassian tried to lecture him. “In what kind of trouble did you gACK!” he couldn’t even finish the sentence when Kaytoo jump over his face.

[b--zus-blog]

MERCURY MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON MY SIDE PART 3 CONT.

         Welcome back for Part 3 continuing. I mentioned that this will be the most emotional part for me, since I am going to bang out 2 instances, where parts of my soul were being murdered brutally. Please know that I am writing this by the pool side, so at least if I cry, I can hop in a jacuzzi right afterwards. I have tucked away this person who I was, she’s folded up nicely in a dark corner of my brain where I can let her rest for a bit. Who I am now is taking over.

           I left off with my aunt Tulip getting me from the precinct. To rewind a little bit, I was still waiting for her, and when I got my phone back I still had a little juice to update my friends in the group chat. SweetNest, told me she contacted Lucifer, and I saw their conversation on messenger. SweetNest asked him if he had heard from me, and he responded so fucking nasty to her. “Sorry everyone from her side is going to get shit from me . . . we are going to put a restraining order on her. . . she kicked down the door and maced our roommate now she is in the hospital. . . idk I am going to check on b . . . my lawyer advises me not to talk to her party . . .”

       SweetNest responds “ I don’t think Beez would use mace for no reason (she repeated this 3 times) . . . Can I get your lawyers information? “ (yeah douche bag we know you’re lying and most likely did not talk to a fucking lawyer.) - - - Reading the text messages - I wish I had the screen shots, but then again I glad I don’t, because reading what he was saying felt like a shot to the face. How dare Lucifer, make me sound so violent, so fucking scary like I’m a fucking monster when I was trying to defend myself because he didn’t want to protect me. I  have been with Lucifer for 5 years, 3 of which we lived together and 1 where we were exes. Living with an ex is the most draining shit of your life, especially when you are such good partners. We have shared many laughs, many experiences, many ups, and downs . . . for him to pretend like he didn’t know me. To try to depict an image of me which is not true. I am most likely guilty of the same, as I saw him as a King. I looked at him and thought he was soo handsome, intelligent and strong. The way he was telling SweetNest about me was so dreadful and I finally had to release a secret, I never wanted to admit.

     Tulip finally showed up, and in between our conversations and the fucking cop who put his number in my phone passing by and she thought he was hot, which he was but still a fucking douche. I look up to the ceiling trying to tilt my tears back inside my eyeballs, and trying so hard to swallow this lump in my throat to say  “Tulip, I am finally going to admit this, Lucifer has hit me, one of the main reasons he moved back is because our last fight he punched me in the stomach. He has choked me, and the last time he choked me he whispered in my ear,‘You have lived a good 25 yrs of life’. It wasn’t the first time he has done that.

     Let me take you to the past a little bit where I was born because it could have potentially saved my mother and biological fathers relationship. So already being brought into this world with not proper intentions. God only knows what my mom was going through while I was in the womb (which I totally believe affects a babies soul) Do I believe I was a love baby? Absolutely fucking not, my father was an abusive alcoholic cunt who did coke too, probably and most likely other things as well. I have dealt with his abuse on top of my mothers. Maybe it was because I looked like the fucker burnt to a crisp with curly hair, but as I was growing up, whenever I would get punished even as I got older my mom would punch me in the head a lot, my dad liked the belt. At least everyday I can remember just getting fucking whipped or pounded on by a fist. EVERYDAY, I was doing something wrong, I felt unwanted, why was I not dying yet, why was my body always fighting the pain. I could never cry about it either, I had to stay tough. I still loved though, I saw this documentary on Vice about shelters(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUfNbNBFwRI) and this home less girl says “If you hit me or you hurt me, I forgot and forgave you just like that, I don’t understand judgmental people, I don’t understand at all, like I think they are dumb, like they don’t know how to solve a problem.” I fucking broke. Because I did that, and thought exactly the same,I still loved my mom, I still loved my dad, and every other person who has hit me in between my life. It was normal no?  I thought by the time I was 16, I was understanding what abuse was, and how it worked, I was starting to feel resentment so I mentally killed off my biological father who left our life anyway when my mom finally divorced him after 9/11 My mother and I are in a better spot, sort of. She has her demons that she refuses to face. After what we went through, I thought I would NEVER be with a man who hits me. & here I was forgiving, and still loving the fuck out of Lucifer, because I still believed he loved me too.

       Our relationship started off. . . amazing, we connected, had to fall out due to differences in what I wanted and what I saw him as, but we still reconnected. Effortlessly too might I add,  I didn’t even see him as a potential partner at first, if anything we were just a casual fling, and then I kinda wanted it to end because I was ready for something serious so I need to take a break to figure out what I wanted. Instead of what I actually thought it was, him choosing me and him coming to me ! He would buy me things show up and make plans, he was making it adamant that he wanted to be with me. Even after our first big fight, when I first cried in front of him, actually holding it back because he got me so angry, he didn’t want to leave, and then he finally left. He still kept coming back to me, and my life and honestly I was fighting it because I didn’t know if I wanted him either, but the more he showed interest in me, the more I genuinely felt he wanted to be with me. We would argue but he made up for it 20x better, he would take me shopping, treat me like a Queen, massage my feet, support me, motivate me and this was the person I was falling in love with. . As time went on he admitted that it felt like me talking to him about what I wanted and how we should cut something that isn’t real was an ultimatum. . . fucker what? I have always been honest with my intentions.  I felt so awful because I thought everything was REAL.  Till little by little he was doing and saying things that were disrespectful , getting away with gas lighting, and knowing what tactics and my weaknesses  that would trigger me into doing annoying , corny fucked up girl shit, Maybe in another blog I will mention how and what lead to the abuse, whats types, and how his Jekyll and Hyde personas were just , making me look at myself in the mirror and be like “Who the fuck is this person?”

        So back to admitting to my aunt what has / was happening and I don’t know why Lucifer is making this so fucking miserable for me. My arresting officer told me to see this lady in the office precinct, after I told him I still need to get my stuff, at least in peace. This lady was actually so fucking rude to me and tried to accuse me of “oh you just want to do this for retaliation” I got up and just fucking left. My aunt actually turned me around, then the lady was like “You see if she didn’t have that attitude I could let her know how to do a Order of Protection” - sick bitch. Heres the thing, it still isn’t her fault she spoke to me that way, playing mental mind games, it’s the criminal justice systems fault, believe that. I was talking to the cops for an hour trying to explain to them this whole mess, they told me to call the cops when I get home to get my shit, so I could get 20 minutes to an hr to get my shit. Tulip, and Tulips friend Alex ( who was actually besties with my biological father) and I waited a good hr and 1/2 outside the apartment, my aunt agreed she could take some things to her place. The cops finally show up and then when they get here my aunt speaks to them and the cop looks at me rolls his eyes, and says “Yeah I remember her.” I went so close to the car looking at this fuckers face, to recognize him as one of the cops that I called the first time, the one I thought earlier hit his wife too. -  the way he was talking to the two older ladies I mentioned in part 1 ? Or 2? I forget. Mother fucker here we go, he tells my aunt how I am uncooperative and shit, and once again I CALLED THE COPS, for them to make me feel like a fucking moron for doing so. I open the door, it reaks of weed,  and three stuffed black trash bags are full of my things, Diana goes into the other room and gets the TV. The crackheads are cracked out and shook. Lucifer then walks in “Um hello excuse me, thats my fucking TV” I look at him. The king that I saw in him, the man that I thought one day is going to be one of the most successful men I know, was replaced by a high asshole, who looked musty and miserable as fuck. I saw and only felt his hate, I had to stay quite as I could pack as much shit as I could into a sedan.  He was trying to portray me as a burglar, a robber and he spoke to my aunt, who has taken him in as well in her own home like she was garbage. “Why are you even here this has nothing to do with you!?” The crackheads and the cops were watching them go back and forth in the kitchen until he tried to tell my aunt to shutup - she responds back with “I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT GONNA CHOKE ME!” Wither 5 foot nothing self. He said “Choke who, who’s been choked!?” She confronted him about the bruises she has seen on me and how she didn’t call the cops either. Then he finally shut up and she told the cops on how he told me to come back the other day, then tries to say I’m a robber ! “Fucking manipulative shit, abusive men like you do!” Surprisingly for a minute moment the cops were on my side about things, telling Lucifer that he wasn’t even here when I called them the first time. B I know for a fact was jealous that I did have my aunt who was fighting for me, and I know she felt the sting that I am fucking loved while she feels at her loneliness, and can’t even fight for herself - even with her Shrek physique.

     When I finally had shit packed up still not everything, my books, my dresser filled with clothes, paper work, shoes were still left there. So I had to make one more fucking trip and I hated knowing I had to come back. Meanwhile, Lucifer just looks at me, from the door in between the lions that protected the door while I was  in the back of the car, he was waving good bye and smiling, proud that he destroyed me. I tilt my head forward putting my palms to my eyes, elbows to knees and just cried, releasing everything, feeling like a broken angel being taunted by demons dancing around me in a circle. Alex told me in Spaish, to just scream, it’s ok. “Quedate Fuerte.”

My aunt told me , to never forget that image of him, I want to , but I will never forget how that moment made me feel.

Stay tuned for Part 4 I thought I could bang out the second time I had to come across Lucifer, and officially the last time. For this article, I would like you to recognize anyone you think is being abused. May it be within a relationship, romantic, family, friend ANYTHING, don’t judge them. Learn from them, and if you can, help them.

Thank you Tulip, Thank you Alex.

In no way shape or form am I trying to retaliate against Lucifer. I honestly would have kept this secret forever if I could, I would have buried a body with him if it ever came to it,  but I never thought it could have been mine. We were an amazing team at one point, and I can only wish him and his family well. Because I know from experience, that revenge isn’t worth it, I am not perfect, and that God is the one who equipped me strength, that make my ways blameless...