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#i found this comment incredible and immediately felt the need to share it :)
modmad · 5 months
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Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.
I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.
I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.
woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.
tw for suicidal thoughts and all that
yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.
My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)
On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.
I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao
Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.
also fuck Mr Puzzles
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justtwotired · 10 months
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Whispers of the night -Lloyd Garmadon x F!reader
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This is a PT 2, here is part 1
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Y/n was mindlessly skateboarding trough the streets, listening to the music blasting trough her headphones while silently humming along.
It was night time, not many people roamed the streets anymore, and they especially stayed away from fighting notices coming from an alleyway.
Not Y/n though, she didn’t hear a thing as she put the sound of her music up.
Suddenly she was ripped from her skateboard and a hand was pressed against her mouth, she felt something sharp against her neck.
Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her.
“Nice haul.” Kai called out to the five men that had just robbed a jewellery store, leaving the owner fatally injured. Zane was currently with him waiting for the ambulance to arrive.
“Yet, I think it abetted if you hand that back to us.” Kai’s voice had a threat laying beneath it and one of the robbers huffed. “And how do you intend to stop us?” He took a step forward with confidence.
Lloyd couldn’t help but smirk beneath his mask. Once again some simple robbers underestimating them.
“Let’s make a deal,” Cole jumped down the wall that was the end of the alleyway. “You hand is that sack, and maybe you will get away with this without broken bones.” He said.
“Sure, why don’t we make a deal,” the man, that was obviously their leader, stepped forward. “You let us go, and we won’t hurt one of your beloved citizens.” He grinned and the ninja shared unamused looks.
“That seems like a nice deal, of course, but uh, I think you are missing a part of your plan.” Jay said matter of factly.
“Oh, right,” the leader smirked. “Kano,” he looked back, and the biggest of the group smirked.
As if it was fate, someone just came by the alley and she was ripped of her skateboard by ‘Kano’ and another of the men pressed a knife against her neck.
The five Ninja recognised the girl immediately as the one that had given Lloyd her number. She looked up and her eyes widened when she saw the Ninja.
Great, of course she’d land herself in such a situation. She was obviously not going to tell her mother who’d get mad at her for sneaking out and she’d definitely get an ‘I told you so.’
“Alright, let the girl go.” The black ninja spoke. “And why would we do that?” One of her captors spoke.
“Out of the goodness of your heart?” The blue ninja tried making the others glare at him and Y/n rolled her eyes at the comment.
Couldn’t they get this over with? She was actually rather cold and still needed to go to school tomorrow.
She’d free herself, but the man holding her was way stronger than her so she didn’t bother. Not like her illusions would help in a situation like this too.
“Look, just let the girl go, we can handle this without you hurting another citizen,” the green ninja stepped forward, a hand resting in the hilt of his sword.
Oh they hurt another citizen? This situation might be a bit more serious then she expected.
Suddenly the guy that was holding her loosened his grip and she saw this as an opportunity to bit his hand and push the hand holding the knife away.
She wirled around to see the man falling on the floor unconscious, and behind him stood the white Ninja, who was, although the mask, obviously smirking.
The other ninja didn’t waste a second in taking out the others and moments later all of them where unconscious and tied up.
“Are you alright, miss?” The white ninja looked at her as she inspect her wrist that had been held incredibly tight.
“Yeah, I’m fine, rather cold though, so I guess I’d be headed home.” She shrugged and they looked at her in shock.
“You’re not hurt or anything, maybe a bit in shock?” The green ninja stepped forward. “Well, my wrist does hurt but that’ll be fine, I’ve handled worse injuries.” She waved it off.
And stepped out of the alleyway, looking around for her skateboard and cursing to herself when she didn’t see it.
“Here.” She turned around and it seemed the green ninja had already found it as he was holding it out to her. “Do you need Anglicanism to walk you home?” The water ninja asked her with concern and Y/n smiled.
“Nah, I’m fine,” she assured.
“Maybe it’s better if you don’t roam the streets on your own at this time.” The black ninja suggested and she shrugged. “I think I’ll survive, but bye I guess.” She said and then took off, calling Amelia on her way home to tell her the story.
—/—
The next day all eight of the friends walked trough Ninjago city.
“You you just told them that your fine, a bit cold, but you’d just get home easily and alone?” Luna asked with raised eyebrows and Y/n nodded. “That’s like the biggest you thing to do.” She laughed.
“What? It was not a big deal, it lasted five reminders tops, I don’t have to go to therapy for that?”
The others laughed and suddenly Anthony stopped walking. “What?” Arthur stopped next to him. “I’m kind of hungry, what about you?” Anthony smirked.
“Like you read my mind.” Charlie gave the same kind of smirk back. “Harvey’s, then?” Flora asked and everyone nodded. It was a huge supermarket almost everyone in Ninjago got their stuff there.
As they walked towards the place, they came by the alley Y/n had been the night before and she pointed it out with a small smile.
“Damn, almost died here then?” James joked making her laugh. “Imagine if you had died! Could I have gotten your skateboard then?” Luna looked at her.
“Absolutely not! It would definitely go to me!” Amelia protested. “You’re telling me that if I died, the problem would be who’d get my skateboard?” Y/n asked with a raised brow.
“Well, that’s not my problem, I’d just raid your closet.” Flora shrugged making everyone laugh.
They entered Harvey’s and smiled innocently at the cashier who gave them a suspicious look. “How cute, she recognised us.” Arthur grinned.
“Arty, please don’t tell me you like her.” Luna groaned. “Nah, don’t worry, Klara Butcher already has his heart.” Anthony said and Arthur hit his arm with a hiss.
“Oh right, I wouldn’t say.” He grinned innocently. “No way! You have a crush on Butcher?” Y/n interrogated. “You mean that girl with the purple haar tips?” Luna asked excitedly and Arthur just told them to shut up.
They walked trough the supermarket and towards the bread. “Croissants, everyone?” Charlie asked making everyone nod. “And a cinnamon roll for me aswel.” Flora quickly added. “And for me!” James chirped.
After that they head trough the drinks, making their way there, they walked trough the candy section and Y/n’s eye fell on a pack of skittles.
She grinned and as they walked past, she took it and placed it in the pocket of her hoody together with her hands.
They then took a bottle of cola and they checked out by the self-checkout.
They casually walked trough the store doors… and then the alarm went off.
They tried to keep walking casually but the moment someone yelled “hey, stop!” They bolted away.
They laughed as they looked behind them to see the two security guards try keeping up.
“Stop! Thieves!” He yelled out and the eight teens just kept running and laughing.
Just around the corner was a jewellery shop that had been robbed the previous night. Six ninja where there to try find any clues to who the group of robbers had been.
“Stop, thieves!” They shared glances before running out of the shop, only to see a group of teens being chased by out of breath guards.
“It’s not them, guys.” Jay waved it off about to walk back. “Their still thieves.” Nya pulled him back. “What do we do, are we going after them?” Kai looked as Lloyd.
“We don’t have much better to do.” Lloyd shrugged and the Ninja ran of towards the group of teens.
Not like they where to find anything in that jewellery shop.
“Uh, guys, I think we have a problem!” Luna yelled as she looked behind them. The group looked back to see they weren’t running from guards anymore, but from Ninja.
“Oh god, we are not winning this race.” Arthur groaned as they quickly turned a corner. “Well, I dare say we know the city better then them!” Hi twin brother disagreed.
“Anthony is right! I say we split!” Y/n called and she then grabbed Luna and turned into an alley, followed closely by Charlie.
“Their splitting up!” Cole called out. “Alright, Kai, Jay, you two go after those two, Zane and Cole you take the three that went straight, Nya and I go right!” Lloyd ordered and they all listened.
“Goddamnit Y/n! You know there’s a fence at the end of this alley!” Luna called as the three friends ran as fast as they could. “I know, I know, but we can get to the roof with that fence and then we can easily get to the Main Street, we’ll lose them easily in the crowd!” She called.
They got to the fence and when they looked back, the water ninja and the green ninja where approaching fast.
Charlie quickly helped Y/n up the fence who then went onto the roof, he then helped Luna who did the same.
Both of them then grabbed him and managed to get from the ground to the roof.
The hopper from roof to roof, almost slipping multiple times. The two ninja had easily got onto the roof, not wasting a second.
“You still think we can make it to main?” Charlie questioned. “I might have made a slight mistake in time.” Y/n called out.
“Well good going!” Luna called back. “Hey I’ve only ever ran from the police, I didn’t expect this alright!”
Her mind raced against time and she looked around. “You two jump down right here, then go leg immediately into opal-street and into the video store.” She called and they gave her a sceptic look.
“Trust me!” She called and Luna sighed. “Let me guess, you keep running and get caught? Little hero!” She joked and Y/n laughed.
“I’ll get myself out, promise!” She said and then the two finally listened as she kept running. When she looked back, the water ninja had followed her two friends and she hoped they would get to the video store in time.
Nya and Lloyd ran into the alleyway to see one of the boys help a girl up the fence. “Hold on a second, there is no way!” Nya called out recognising the girl.
“How is that possible!” Lloyd couldn’t help but laugh.
“She’s good!” Nya said as the girls helped the guy up the roof. Though, the two of them did it without breaking a sweat.
They followed them but where surprised when two jumped down.
“You follow them!” Lloyd called and Nya nodded and jumped after them.
He himself had almost caught up with Y/n who then jumped down aswel.
He quickly jumped after her and she tried to run but he grabbed her arm and pushed her Shinkansen the wall.
Lucky for him he had a mask because their faces where so close he couldn’t help but blush.
“Hello again.” He greeted and she was speechless for a moment. “Hi.” She said shortly before pushing him of her slightly.
“So you went from damsel in distress to thieve?” He gave her an amused look. “Thieve is a rather big word.” She rolled her eyes.
He huffed. “You shouldn’t be stealing either way, thieve or not.” He said and she chuckled. “Your kind of a kill joy, you know that?” She asked and he sighed.
“Listen- stealing is just wrong,” he pointed out making her huff a sarcastic laugh. “Harley’s is a multi million company, they won’t miss a pack of skittles.” She got it out of her pocket and waved it around. “And whatever my friends took.” She rolled her eyes.
“And before you give me the whole talk, we went to self check out, so no, the cashier doesn’t have to pay for what we stole, and no, I know damn well it won’t go of the workers pay check so don’t try to gaslight me into thinking that, and before you come up with a lie, I know Harleys policy because I worked there for a while so you also don’t have to give me the talk about not knowing how it feels.” She pointed out and he gave her an amused look.
“You’ve been caught multiple times, haven’t you?” He asked and she grinned. “A few, we mostly get away with it easily, the alarm doesn’t even always go off.” She explained.
Her phone started ringing and she got it out of her back pocket.
Incoming call from flowers😍…
“Can I take this?” She asked and the green ninja sighed and nodded. “Hey, babes,” she answered the phone making the person on the other end chuckle.
“Hey, n/n, we lost them,” Flora said. “We’ve re-grouped, where are you guys?” She asked and Y/n looked over at the ninja in front of her.
“No idea where Charlie and Lu are, but I’m having a nice conversation with the green ninja here.” She said, winning at him making him shake his head.
“Seriously? You got caught?” Flora laughed and Y/n could hear her other friends laugh aswel. “Yeah, haha, how funny, I suppose I see you at Jamie’s?” She questioned.
“You got it!” Flora said. “Right, see you in ten then.” Y/n said before hanging up.
“So, can I go?” She looked at the green ninja and he gave her a look. “You think that after shoplifting and then proceeding to let us chase you trough the city, I’m just going to let you go like that?” He gave her a sceptical look.
“Well, yeah, what, your going to take me back to Harvey’s and make me give back that bag of skittles?” She cocked an eyebrow and he was silent for a moment.
“Here, for your troubles.” She tossed him the bag of skittles which he caught. She walked past him and out of the alley.
“Hey,” he snapped out of his trans and looked at Nya who had appeared next to him. “I lost them.” She admitted.
“I caught Y/n, but she just gave me the skittles and walked off again.” He admitted. The others then found them, landing next to them.
“We literally just got beat by a group of teens.” Kai said annoyed. “Seems like Lloyd got himself a stealing girlfriend.” Nya laughed.
“Wait, was that the group from the park?” Jay asked and then everyone realised that they had just chased the girl that had given aloud her number.
Once again, Lloyd knew he was in for a day of teasing.
Her friends cheered when they noticed Y/n coming their way.
“How’d you escape the green ninja?” Amelia joked. “I just gave him the skittles I stole and walked off, didn’t even stop me.” She grinned.
Everyone laughed and headed inside James house.
“So, what’ve we got?” Arthur asked. “Well, we don’t have skittles, that’s for sure.” Luna said as she laid three cans of energy drink on the table.
“Not like we’re gonna need those that much anyway.” Anthony said, putting two chocolate bars, two cans of soda and a small bag of candy down.
“Jeez, Andy, how many pockets have you got?” James joked as he threw just two snickers onto the table.
The only one who had nothing was Flora. She had just joined a year ago after she began dating Charles and the idea of stealing was always a bit hard for her.
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look-at-the-soul · 1 year
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One and only
Dance request I’m so so thankful @notyour-valentine for sharing and tagging me in requests you get for Cillian, anons always share with you great ideas! I enjoyed this way too much! And decided to make it a bonus for my Adele challenge 🥰✨
Cillian x reader (one shot)
Summary: Meeting Cillian at the most unexpected place after a breakup was the last thing you thought could happen. As he asked you one question, you knew you’d dance with him through anything.
Word count: 3,449 (including the song)
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Stretching in bed you tried to roll on your back, noticing the huge effort it meant now, a lot of things were different now.
Your hair was stubborn, most of your clothes wouldn’t fit anymore, you felt worn out all the time, nothing was the same as it used to be. But your brain corrected yourself as you dragged your feet across the floor to the kitchen and found your husband with his back at you. Wrapping an arm around him and leaning your head on his shoulder, you felt him press a kiss against your hair.
“Morning sleeping beauty.” He kept stirring the food and then turned to face you.
It was past seven o’clock, but Cillian allowed you to take a much needed nap.
“The smell is incredible, what’s this?”
Cillian smiled noticing her appetite. “Pasta, chicken and broccoli cos mamma needs her veggies.”
You were practically drooling over it so Cillian took a spoon to offer you some. “Careful, it’s hot.”
“You’re hot.” You retorted before closing your eyes at the flavors oblivious of the blush on his cheeks for your comment. “Hmm. It’s so good.”
“Yeah? Well it’s almost ready.”
“Oh! Baby likes it.” You took his hand to place it on your bump, so he could feel the baby wriggling and kicking. A soft smile spreading on your lips.
“Woah baby it’s so active tonight.” Cillian expressed with excitement.
At the beginning it started as a joke because that was the most frequent question you got, what will be the baby’s name? So you just started calling him or she baby, because you wanted to keep the gender a secret and surprise.
“Baby wants more?” You asked placing your hand on top of his, with adoration in you eyes.
Laughing, Cillian gave you some more, taking in the moment.
“What’s that?” You pointed at the notebook on the kitchen island.
“I’m trying to make the list of songs I’ll be playing on the radio show, still can’t decide though.”
You new it was a long process, and he was always playing his music whenever he was home, but when it came to his radio show? He was extra jealous about the list.
“Will you let me see this time?”
“No.” He answered bluntly followed by a deep laugh. “Don’t give me those puppy eyes.”
“A little hint?” You batted your eyelashes at him then.
Throwing a quick glance at the notes he made, he suddenly had an idea. “Wait here.”
Cillian started walking out of the kitchen but he went back immediately to take the notebook with him and giving you a side eye look.
“I wasn’t going to look.” You laughed.
“Yeah sure.” He knew you would’ve.
A moment later, he appeared back with the headphones he bought to play music for the baby, it had a special connection to make it possible to plug yours as well.
Your husband gave you the bigger ones to you, to place on your bump while he placed the others in his ears.
“And what about me?” You asked with a pout.
“This is going to be a secret between baby and daddy until the radio show comes out.”
“This isn’t fair.”
“Just need to wait for a little bit.” He gave you a small peck on the lips.
“But I want to hear it too.” You tried again, Cillian had been spoiling you all along the pregnancy with the weirdest cravings, giving a massage to your swollen feet. “Pleas-” He placed his forefinger on your lips to interrupt your words.
“Mrs. Murphy would you and baby like to dance with me?” Cillian gave you the most beautiful smile you had ever seen.
Happiness started to burst from your heart, your belly and every corner of your body. It was an indescribable feeling.
As he extended his hand to you, you took it. His free hand came to rest on your lower back and he started to sway from side to side in a slow rhythm and you wondered what was the song that he chose to play because you felt your child moving.
Cillian twirled you into his arms gently, making sure it was a slow movement so you wouldn’t get dizzy.
You let the unknown rhythm set the pace by only following Cillian’s steps. You felt his fingers rubbing softly on your back and you tried to lean on his shoulders but a huge bump was in the middle of the two of you.
Looking up you found his eyes shining as a smile spread on his lips, he was trying really hard to not lip sing it.
Walking around you, Cillian placed himself behind you in complete silence, offering you to lean your head back against his chest while his both hands came to rest around your baby, then he continued with the slow sway, just the two of you dancing in the kitchen, well three more likely if he included the baby.
The song he chose was definitely extra special for both of you. Kissing your temple his mind went back in time to the day he met you.
(Flashback)
“Hi, I’m sorry, I think this is my seat.” A woman approached him.
He arrived early to the venue thinking there’d be a lot of traffic. But he knew this was his seat. “I checked my ticket this is it.”
“Look, I don’t want to be annoying just would you mind making sure?” She asked again.
Cillian was hoping to have a quiet night at the concert, it looks like this wasn’t his lucky night. After his break up he was trying to go back and do the things he enjoyed the most. This Radiohead concert had been on his mind since the pre sale tickets. Of course back then he swore he would be attending with his former fiancée and not by himself, that’s why a friend helped him sell the ticket online so at least he could get back his money.
“My seat is number 5.” She insisted while he took out his ticket.
“I’m pretty sure that’s mine but here, look it’s…” Cillian kept quiet as he read the correct number.
“6?” She added trying to hide a smirk and the I-told-you comment. “Just in case you’re waiting for someone and the seat would be taken.” She added.
“Oh, don’t even worry about that… I’m by myself.” Cillian explained but switched his seat with hers in case she was expecting someone else.
“I’m sorry then! Please stay there.”
“But-”
She shuddered. “I’m alone too, I was lucky to find this ticket last minute, my ex bought the tickets using my credit card but used his account and we broke up and of course he kept them,” then she laughed, “sorry for all the babbling.”
Cillian was relieved to see he wasn’t the only one on his own that night.
“Sorry about that… I sold it for the same reason.” He added with a shy chuckle.
“Oh, well I hope we both have a great time then!”
Cillian chuckled feeling something strange towards this woman, she had such a light energy and this calming presence.
“I’m Cillian.” He offered his hand out.
“Y/N, nice to meet you.”
Cillian nodded. “Are you a big fan?”
“I’ve followed their career since the beginning. Sneaked out of my house to see their first concert and got grounded for three months.”
That made him laugh, a real laugh from the deepest part of his soul.
“I saw them playing in a bar long time ago before they went big, you know?”
“Are you kidding me?” Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “That was their best era in my humble opinion.”
“It was on the early days of On a Friday… I didn’t know it was them tho, until years later.” Cillian explained of the former name the band had at the beginning.
Their surroundings blurrier as they shared their opinions back and forth. Conversation was flowing freely between them without knowing each other, it was so easy to compare opinions about an album or a very specific song, Cillian particularly loved her enthusiasm over the band.
And he had to admit that she was beautiful.
She explained him that little by little she was enjoying being on her own, to the cinema, the theater, for a café, and even dinner, now it was the turn to a concert of her favorite band. Healing wasn’t easy and learning to love herself and actually enjoy things by herself had been so helpful.
As the lights went down the crowd exploded shouting, the stage lights turned on and the music filled the arena, making both of them enjoy the magic of the moment. He was in awe by her enthusiasm towards each song, singing at the top of her lungs, he was constantly giving her quick side eye glances. For good two hours, they sang all the Radiohead songs. Cillian cocked his eyebrow when she sang a part of one verse wrong but immediately smiled towards her, earning a blush and a smile back from her.
He drummed his fingers against his jeans while Y/N raised her arms to clap. And too soon, the show came to an imminent end, by the end of the night he could feel his heart drumming against his chest and his ears ringing from the loud music.
“This was a great show! Thank you for selling me that ticket.”
“Well thank you for buying it.” Cillian added while they waited in the queue to get out of the venue.
Was this it? Meeting someone by chance at an event of something they both enjoy and then they go in different directions?
Something he wasn’t familiar with made him ask her his next question.
“Traffic is going to be packed now… do you wanna go somewhere and have a drink?” He rubbed the nape of his neck, unsure if it was a bold move.
But when a smiled spread on her lips, his nerves disappeared.
“Yeah!”
Cillian chuckled. “Come on, I know a place.”
Ever since that concert and subsequently drink, they became inseparable.
(End of flashback)
“It looks like you’re rocking this baby to sleep.” You hummed making Cillian snap back out of his day dream.
Chuckling, Cillian squeezed her bump. “When I saw you napping, I wanted to sneak under the covers with you so bad.”
The continued swaying from side to side slowly.
“You should’ve joined us.”
“But I wanted to prepare dinner.” His lips connected with your neck, sending a warmth sensation over your entire body. “Get your lemonade and I’ll bring food over in a minute.”
In silence, you felt thankful he could read you like an open book, because standing up for so long now was the hardest thing to do, even harder than picking up something from the ground.
“I just have to stop by for a wee real quick.” You laughed. “No, Scout thanks I don’t need company.”
Cillian whistled the black lab, he insisted on being your guardian dog, watching every step you took.
Taking a sip of your drink, you closed your eyes at the sensation of the cold drink, your glass half filled with ice, Cillian stared at your bare arms, you insisted on wearing a thin t-shirt, actually one of his undershirts while he was already wearing a comfy jumper over the chilly and rainy October that started a few days ago.
“Are you sure you’re not cold?”
You shook your head profusely, suddenly feeling like throwing your wavy hair in a messy bun because it made your neck feel hot.
“As we were dancing, I was transported back in time to that time when we started going out.” You remembered before taking a bite of your dinner. A moan escaped from your lips at how good it was.
(Flashback)
Arriving at the bar, your eyes scanned the room, trying to find Cillian, you had been going out with him after the Radiohead concert several times, both of you made it perfectly clear it was as friends with similar stories, sharing similar interests. But lately you started to develop a deeper bond with him, a conection you didn’t experienced before, you could talk to him for hours of everything and for some reason, he ended up searching for your company as well.
You realized once more Cillian was a gentleman, he helped you get on the high barstool, offering his jacket as soon as you pointed out it was freezing. The smell of his cologne was imprinted on it and it was intoxicating you, but in a good way, it was so masculine.
You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
“What can I get you guys?” Asked the bartender interrupting the initial conversation.
Cillian gave you a deep look “May I have a guess?” He asked with an inviting smile, you raised your eyebrows, waiting for his answer. “A glass of Chardonnay?”
You had never tried it but you liked Cillian instantly so you gave the bartender a nod, then your eyes moved back to him. “And a pint for me, please.”
“A friend asked me why did I cancel the plans with her so I told her I was meeting you and said it was okay if it was the Radiohead-guy.” You chuckled. “I loved that show, it would’ve been a mistake to miss it.” You admitted. “Thank you again.”
Today you were so thankful it happened the way it did. Because thanks to that ticket, you got the chance to meet Cillian, he was completely different to your ex-boyfriend in every possible way, you had different dreams, goals and interests. How come you didn’t realize sooner?
God only knows why it's taken me
So long to let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want
“Glad it was you the one who bought the ticket to be honest.”
As the bartender placed your drinks in front of the two of you, you proposed a toast.
“To music, that brought us together.” He raised his pint and you mirrored him with your glass.
“To finding good concert neighbors.” You smiled before taking a sip, surprised by the exquisite taste.
“Did you get your money back? For your original tickets I mean.” He leaned closer.
“I did! A few days ago, how have you been?”
“Grand! Mhmm I actually got a phone call, there’s a producer who’s a friend of a friend, you know… they offered me a deal to do a radio show.”
Resting your head on the palm of your hand, you gave him a shocked look. “That’s incredible! What’s the show about? You actually have radio voice by the way.”
The sound of his laugh made something inside you jump. “Music as a matter of fact… it’s like to propose something different, unique.”
“Cill this is great, when are you starting?”
You saw him rubbing his hands in a nervous tic. “I haven’t signed yet, needed to talk to someone about it first.”
“I feel special now! I’m the first to hear about it?” Your cheeks were burning as he nodded. “Congratulations!” You touched his arm as he thanked you.
But suddenly, something changed as the two of you paid attention to the singer on the small stage.
“Would you like to dance, Y/N?” His eyes sparkled with something new. And you found yourself trying to normalize your heartbeat through your breathing.
As his hand touched yours, you felt electricity shoot through your body and as your hand came to rest on his shoulder your brain shut down completely.
Feeling his ocean eyes staring into every layer of your body and soul, you dared to look up.
“Y/N…” He suddenly got closer, the rest of the place disappeared in the background.
I don't know why I'm scared
I've been here before
“Yes?” You blinked trying to disguise the sudden nerves.
Bodies swaying slowly, giving into the soft music from the piano and that angelic voice.
Every feeling, every word
I've imagined it all
“There’s something I need to tell you.” He stammered nervously.
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine
“I know we both started this with the limits very clear, after coming from broken relationships for different reasons, but I’ve realized how amazing you’re and if you feel like this is so soon I’ll respect that.” He gave you a long look, trying to find a sign in your expression. “And this song describes perfectly how I feel about you, I’m going crazy with the lyrics thinking the person who wrote it, got inside my head and created this.”
You gave him a clumsy nod, the words were tattooed now in your mind, in your heart.
“Cill… I know.” You felt his thumb caressing the skin of the back of your hand. “I feel the same way. Despite everything I don’t regret a thing, because it led me to meet you.”
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy
To hold in your arms
“So, I need to know, if you’d let me be your one and only?”
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
“Only on one condition… that you let me be yours as well.”
Tilting his head, he leaned forwards to capture your lips for the first time.
(End of flashback)
Pulling him from the neck of his green jumper for a quick peck on the lips, Cillian felt you moving back with a strange expression on your face.
“What’s the matter?” He asked, noticing the floor was wet.
“My water broke.” You announced, trying to take it calmly.
“Are you having any contractions?” Cillian took a look at his watch to register the time.
“No.”
Cillian stopped to look at you, really looking into your eyes. “Perfect timing, baby wanted to join us for that dance.”
Standing up carefully, you tried to smile through the first contraction. Holding onto his forearm, you leaned your head against his chest.
As the wave started to come down, you blew the air out of your cheeks. “What was the song?”
Cillian looked from side to side, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“The bloody song you hid from me, for your radio show, I need to know.”
A nervous laugh escaped his lips as he looked down at you.
“Sorry, Mrs. Murphy you can either wait three years to ask the baby or you can listen to the show once it comes out.” He rushed to kiss the top of your head before you could rip the skin of his arm as another contraction started. “The midwife texted, she’s on her way.”
Using the chair for support you could barely register his words.
***
(Months later)
“So, if you made it this far to the show, I want to thank you for staying with me. This last song is totally different from the rest you’ve been listening every week, to me it’s like an anthem. Really really special from a magnificent artist, her vocal ability it’s remarkable and impressive. And it’s the song that my wife and I danced the night my daughter, Elle was born. Folks, this is One and only by Adele. Until next time, that’s all from the basement.”
Pressing the mute button, Cillian took off the headphones and turned around with a huge grin to look at you, his eyes moved down to the baby sleeping peacefully against your chest.
“How could it be that I missed that song?”
Cillian laughed. “You said every possible song, but that one.”
“Elle blurred my brain.” You stuck out your tongue for him.
“Would you ladies like to dance with me?” He offered you his hand, and you took it, just like the first time.
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy, mm
To hold in your arms
And the three of you started to sway away to the beat of the soft tune, your free hand sneaked around to the back of Cillian’s neck holding your daughter between your bodies, just like you did the night she was born, just like you would continue to dance through whatever life had prepared around the corner.
Sometimes it would be him leading the way, sometimes it’d be your turn.
***
Master list
Anon, I hope you see this! If you do, I’d love to hear your thoughts… 💕
A/N: Now Im heading to read Val’s Dance versions! I didn’t want to have any background before writing this. Remember if you enjoyed this story, I’d love to hear your thoughts about it!!!✨
Fun fact: Here I was reading about Radiohead bio! ☺️
Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @cillmequick @datewithgianni @gypsy-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @elk96 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @winchestergirl22 @heidimoreton @allie131313 @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @already-broken144 @moral-terpitude @rangerelik @imichelle-l-rigby @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @cilliansangel @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @kmc1989
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halsteadlover · 2 years
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My Blessings
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*Gif not mine credits to the owner*
• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.
• Requested by anon: Just sending you a request about Jay seeing your bump for the first time.
• Warnings: none, just tones of fluff.
• Word count: 1752.
• A/N: so I’m trying to update as much as I can now, I hope you’ll like this and please share, comment, reblog e like if you want, it’d mean a lot ❤️ love you all and thank you for your support.
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Pregnancy sickness was no joke.
Since you found out you were pregnant, toilet and bed had become your best friends, if you weren't in bed you were throwing up and if you weren't throwing up you were in bed resting.
You were warned the first few months would be tough but not so tiring you couldn't even do the housework or even work.
Not that you had any other choice though. Jay wouldn’'t let you touch anything even if you wanted to.
In fact, since you told him you were going to have a baby, he became super protective of you, he wouldn't let you do anything, not even cook. Not that you minded, you never told him but you loved madly that protective side of him and you felt so lucky, because you knew your baby couldn't have a better father.
You couldn't wait to see them together, to see the love of your life become a father which was one of the things he wanted most. Since the good news had arrived, you immediately noticed a change in him.
Besides the overprotectiveness, he had gotten incredibly sweeter—which you didn't even think possible since he'd always been the sweetest, most thoughtful man you'd ever met—he was much more present. He was just happier.
You couldn't believe how a little bean could make him so content, happy, joyful. He was always so smiling, his beautiful green eyes sparkled so much that they alone could light up an entire galaxy. He was so beautiful it hurt, and with each passing day you loved him more and more, which you didn't even think possible.
He always tried to give you everything he could, he was always there for you, asking if you wanted some water, if you wanted something to eat, when you were throwing up he never left you alone, not even for a second, he was next to you holding your hair and he’d stroke your back, and how angry he’d get if you threw up in the middle of the night and didn't wake him up.
Every night before going to sleep he’d caress your non-existing baby bump, talking and whispering sweet things to the bean in you womb. He usually talked about his day, how much he already loved him/her and couldn't wait to hold him or her in his arms.
He had already started buying a huge amount of toys, cradles, strollers, even though the baby was several months away and how much you enjoyed seeing him built the cradle with that joy printed on his face which made him even more irresistible.
The more you looked at him, the more you didn't know what you had done to deserve such a beautiful person by your side, how could’ve you been lucky enough to give your child the best father that any person could even think of having.
That baby wasn't even fully formed yet and already had Jay wrapped around his finger.
“It'a okay baby I'm here, everything will be alright,” Jay kept whispering comforting words to you as he held your hair with one hand and stroked your back with the other as you threw up. What better way to start the day than having your face down the toilet?
God you hated this, you couldn't wait for this phase of constant vomiting and endless exhaustion to end. It was a nightmare.
“I'm so sorry my love. I wish I could take this from you.”
You shook your head slightly. “It's not your fault,” you muttered initially “Actually yes, it's mostly your fault.”
He laughed. “I'll take all the blame.”
You stood up and feeling dizzy, you leaned on Jay, who put his arm around your hips, holding you tightly to keep you from falling.
“Baby are you alright? Do you need to lay down?” he asked, his voice worried. It broke his heart to see you sick and so weak and, above all, not being able to do anything to help you.
“No, no, I just want to brush my teeth now,” you replied “Baby you will be late for work.”
“There's no way in hell I'll leave you right now, forget it, I'll be late I don't care, Voight will understand.”
“No baby he won't,” you chuckled, knowing your boss well.
“Like I said, I don't care about anything or anyone but you, you are my priority and I want to take care of you baby,” he retorted before leaving a kiss on the top of your head and from the tone of his voice you understood there was no room for you to argue.
After brushing your teeth, Jay went into the kitchen to make you something to eat for breakfast, and while you were changing into a shirt (obviously Jay's), you noticed something that made your heart leap with joy.
Your belly was finally starting to show.
It must’ve been the pregnancy hormones, but you started crying with happiness. It was an indescribable feeling seeing your baby growing inside of you. You didn't tear your eyes away from the mirror even for a second as your hands continued to caress your baby bump, the shirt lifted.
You stood in profile, facing the mirror and God, you would never have believed that just seeing your belly grow could give you such an indescribable emotion. When had it happened? When did it grow so much? Did it just grow overnight?
You were so distracted by looking at your belly in the mirror you didn't even notice Jay had run into your bedroom, worried stiff.
“Baby what the hell? Why you didn’t answer me? You scared the shit out of me, I thought you passed out or something.”
If you weren't so up in the clouds, you would’ve teased him about his overblown concern and the way he always thought the worst.
You turned to him. “Baby look!” you exclaimed, cheering like a little girl in a candy store.
Jay's gaze dropped to your belly and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he too noticed your growing baby bump. His mouth dropped open in amazement and at the same time a huge smile formed on his face.
“Oh my god…” he sighed, not expecting to tear up at the sight of your belly growing. How could he not be moved though? His baby was in there growing, his child.
“God baby you're so fucking gorgeous,” he said before pulling you into a warm hug. He kissed you like if his life depended on it, his hands on your face. “I love you so, so, much I can't even explain it.”
“Jay….” you whispered, feeling him sniffle. You broke away from his embrace for a moment, noticing how he looked down and immediately tried to wipe away his tears. “Oh baby….”
He shook his head, but you placed your hands on his face and lifted his head, forcing him to look at you. With your thumbs, you wiped away his tears even though in the meantime you were the one who was crying.
“Don't cry please you're gonna make me cry too.”
He giggled through his tears, hugging you again before pulling away and showering you with kisses.
“I'm sorry baby I just… I just feel so lucky, so blessed to have you,” he said, then looked down at your still uncovered baby bump, “You both are my miracles. I honestly don’t what I did to deserve both of you.”
His hand began to caress your belly his eyes used on jt as you looked at him, your eyes scanning every inch of his face. Seeing him so happy filled your heart with so much joy you were almost afraid it was all just a beautiful dream.
“The mother of my children… Man, how did I get so lucky?” he marveled, but he seemed more talking to himself than you. It was as if he was trying to convince himself about what he had done in his life to deserve such happiness, but he really didn't know how to answer. Before you could say anything, he leaned in front of you, lowering himself to your belly.
He started planting kisses all over your belly, as his hands continued to caress you. Just the sight of this brought tears to his eyes and you had put a hand in front of your mouth to avoid bursting into tears like a fountain.
“Hi baby it's your dad again,” he whispered after giving a kiss on your baby bump, addressing the little bean inside you. “Hurry up and get out of here buddy, I really can’t wait to hold you… And also because I don't like seeing mommy feel so sick, I know it's not your fault but I just want her to always feel good,” he sniffed again and by then you had lost every ounce of self-control and became a total mess, “I love her so much baby and you can't understand how lucky you are to have a mom like her, and how lucky I am to have someone so wonderful and fantastic like her by my side, to spend the rest of my life with… And I love you madly too little bean, I haven't even seen you yet and you've already made me fall madly in love with you and if only you could look at me…” he chuckled “I'm a mess right now and I only saw the baby bump… I can’t even imagine what will happen when you’ll be here…”
As your hand stroked through his hair, your face was still streaked with tears and when Jay looked up at you and noticed you were crying, he stood up and placed his hands on your cheeks before wiping away your tears.
“I'm just…These damned hormones…” You let out a sob and you both laughed.
“Sorry love I didn't mean to make you cry,” he said, giving you kisses and kissing your tears away. It wasn't new to see you with tears in your eyes every time Jay spoke to the baby, so he had gotten used to it a bit even if it wasn't easy anyway, he hated that even a single tear wet your face.
“How about we go do some shopping for our baby?” Jay asked, giggling when he saw how your eyes lit up and how you stopped crying as soon as you heard the word shopping.
God what I’d do without you.
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Masterlist
Buy me a coffee? ☕️
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footballffbarbiex · 7 months
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player: Rúben Dias words: 2.8k type: angst
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Let's fast forward to three hundred awkward blind dates later
If she's got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date her
You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor
You search in every model's bed for something greater
Everything you were learning about Rúben is completely against your will and though you’re trying to not let it get under your skin and bury deep into your muscles, you still feel any and all nuggets of information grating against your nerves. So it doesn’t surprise you when your best friend opens her mouth and says “he’s been spotted with another model.” but it does feel like salt is being rubbed onto those nerves too. 
“Of course he has,” it comes out a little more bitterly than you’d intended and so you swallow some wine instead to stop yourself from saying anything else that you might regret. 
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what she looks like.” she continues, observing you over the rim of her own glass before she takes a small drink herself. 
It’s started to become a running joke for the two of you. You weren’t good enough for Rúben but he was happy to date every woman that remotely resembles you after you. It was a kick in the teeth each time you were faced with another photo of him and his latest beau and a mere mention of someone new feels like a slap. 
“Kurt wants to know if you’ll come to dinner on Wednesday.” She changes the subject, knowing that this is a sore spot but it was better that she told you now than being sent it by someone else who believes they’re doing you a favour while not being considerate of your feelings at all. 
“No.” You say a little too quickly. 
Kurt was one of Rúben’s best friends and if he was hosting a dinner party, then your ex would be there too. You felt suffocated at the best of times merely seeing his name via google or instagram, let alone being made to share the same four walls and a table with the man. 
Ex feels too strongly of a word considering you’d barely got past the dating stage. Rúben refused to put a label on the two of you and while you weren’t usually one for wanting them, you did try to ask him where you stood in the situationship. Especially because you were catching feelings, fast and hard and the idea of him not wanting to commit to you pained you more than it scared you. Ultimately, Rúben ended the … situation due to ‘commitment issues’, but had no issues with finding the ability to do so with other people. 
“He was invited initially but according to their match fixtures, they have an away Champions League game.” She comments, drumming her fingers on the side of the glass in a beat that you almost recognise. 
“I applaud your extensive research before coming to me with Kurt’s invitation.” 
“I knew you’d back out almost immediately otherwise -”
“And I did.” 
She hums in agreement. 
“At least consider it? I’d love to see you there anyway.” 
_
You’ve checked and checked and checked again more times than you wanted to admit that Rúben absolutely was out of the country ready for the game tomorrow. With no updates regarding rotations or suspensions from previous games, you’d found it “safe” to leave the comfort of your home and make your way to Kurt’s. 
Having Rúben end the relationship had meant that he’d won the monopoly of the friends that you’d made being in his circle, and one of them that you had joint custody over was Kurt. Caring, funny and incredibly supportive, Kurt was everything in a person that you wish you’d found in a friend years previously. Nights at his were never boring and he was the one person you truly felt you could be around and trust not to bring up him in conversation. 
By the time he’d opened the front door, you could smell a light warming scent drifting from one of the hallway candles which was quickly swallowed up as you approached the kitchen. If you were peckish upon arrival, then as dinner was being plated up half an hour later, you were famished. Your bestie was still due to arrive thanks to being stuck in traffic both on the way home from work and also after leaving the house. Other mutual friends who you were familiar enough with to interact with but not enough to really talk to are here too. 
Bottles of wine and water are on the table along with small baskets of bread and butter which are snatched up by those sitting around you. Several people are still due to arrive, so the amount of empty spaces isn’t bothering you too much, though you do reserve the one next to you for her. 
You’re cutting open a bread roll after smushing the butter into a spreadable consistency when your phone beeps and a i’m 5 mins away x text comes through and not for the first time this evening, you sigh a sigh of relief. 
-
You’re in the middle of the main course and half a glass of wine down as your bestie is telling you the latest drama from her office when voices in the hallway gets your attention and the voice that once made your stomach flip is now the reason for it dropping. Your head snaps to the head of the table at the opposite end to you and your eyes meet Kurt’s as the voice continues to speak with someone else. 
What is he doing here? You mouth a little too aggressively as panic begins to swirl in your stomach. Her fingers touch your arm to try and silently calm you but the more you think about it, the more you feed the dread. 
He isn’t supposed to be, is mouthed aggressively back. At least he’s met your energy. 
“It’s good to see you again,” comes his voice as he finally steps into the room. “Sorry I’m late.” He says as he finally addresses the room. 
The empty space opposite and one seat over now feels as though it’s mocking you. Though it’s not dressed for someone to sit in, you feel as though you should have known this was coming. 
“I’ll get you a plate.” Kurt is on his feet faster than you’d have liked him to be but you understand he cannot treat Rúben with disrespect purely because of you nor would you want him to. He gives your shoulder a squeeze as he passes and it’s only in that moment where you feel just how tense your muscles are.
You can hear your breathing coming out in shaky exhales but rather than looking around the table to see what other dinner guests are thinking. You don’t want to look up at the man who you’d held out your heart to. Sure, you’ve seen Rúben around, but not in such an intimate capacity like this. You’ve never had to sit opposite him and felt as though you’ve had to exchange pleasantries. You could, of course, ask to switch seats but you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was getting to you. 
When you lift your cutlery to begin to eat again, you note that your hands are shaking. You’d rather take a drink but now he’s here, you want as much of a clear mind as you can possibly have. He clouds your judgement far more than any alcohol ever could and he’s stayed in your system longer than any drugs ever would. 
Plate to mouth. Mouth to plate. Plate to mouth. You continue until you can’t think anymore.You ignore the sound of a chair being moved and pushed back under, a plateful of food being put down and cutlery clinking together. Talk still flows around the table but it sounds as though you’re listening from under water. Even now with impaired sound, it’s clear it’s become very strained since he came in. 
Questions are aimed in his direction and though you try to close off your hearing, you can still hear his replies. If he’s as worried as you are about this meeting, he’s not showing it. 
“Do you want this?” You ask your friend, gesturing to the glass. 
“Don’t you want it? What’s wrong with it?” 
“No, I don’t want it. I want something else.”
“I’m going for one,” James, who sits on the other side of you, says quietly. “I can get one for you too?” 
“That’d be great.” You give a small nod and try to give a smile, though you realise in this moment it appears pained. 
James was a good man, and someone who you could depend on for a light but long chat. He played the small talk game and he played it well. It wasn’t ever anything much but he gave you good reprieve when you needed it.
It’s not until he’s left the table and in turn, the room, that you remember there’s spare glasses and pitches of water with ice. Not wanting to seem rude, you leave him to get your drink, and busy yourself in pouring a cold glass of water. He returns as you’re taking tentative sips. 
“Mmm,” you hum to him to acknowledge that you’ve seen him as he takes his place back at your side while you finish your sips and place the water back on the table and turn to get the drink that Jamie offers you and give a little sniff.
“You remembered.” Small movements swirl the liquid around, ensuring that it’s fully mixed but before you can place it on the table next to the water, you hear 
“Might have remembered her drink but you’ve given an extra ice cube.” Your hand freezes as you listen. 
“Sorry?” Jamie says. He’s not sorry, it’s more of a chance for Rúben to retract his sentence. 
“She prefers two ice cubes not three. You’ve watered down her drink.” 
The statement seems to hang in the air between the three of you and when you finally look up, Rúben is looking right at you. 
“Thanks Jamie,” your smile is still pained but you give it anyway before taking a quick drink, followed by a deeper one seconds later. “I need some air.” you say quietly to no-one and everyone all at the same time. 
Kurt doesn’t fight to keep you at the table and instead, you notice the apologetic expression on his face as you all but flee the room and don’t stop until you’re pulling open the door that leads to the garden and step out. You gulp in the air as you close your eyes and try to clear your head. 
Everything had been so good up until then. You’d managed to keep your head down and was fully prepared to not only be civil with him but so sickly sweet he’d need an emergency trip to the dentist. 
“Fuck him,” you hiss, letting out some of your frustration under your breath. “Fuck. Him.” You repeat and follow it with a long groan. 
“I deserve that.” He says it so quickly, you barely have time to register that he’s said it at all, never mind the fact that he’s snuck up on you. Your heart pounds against your chest with such force, you can’t believe that he’s unable to hear it himself. 
“You have some nerve coming out here to me.”
“With you.” he corrects. 
You almost scoff at him as you turn to look at him properly for the first time since he arrived. “To me.” you stand your ground. “You decided a long time ago that you’d never step out with me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“What was that back there, Rúben? Seriously. “You watered down her drink.” you impersonate him. “You have no right to correct people on my details when you had no intention of sticking around.”
“So I can’t help?”
“I didn’t need your help. It was a drink. One that he’s made many times before and I’ve never felt the need to correct him before.”
“I just thought if he was making you one, he should make it how you like it.”
“You saw it as an unnecessary dick measuring competition.” You stare him down until he finally looks away. He doesn’t deny it and you knew he wouldn’t. Knew he couldn’t. 
“I didn’t think you’d be here.” Rúben tries a different tactic. 
“That’s the only reason I’m here because I didn’t think you would be.”
“The highs and lows of football.” He clicks his tongue and points to his thigh. “Felt something in my hamstring. Coach didn’t want to risk it.”
“Shouldn’t you be explaining this to your girlfriend and not me?” You hate that it slips out before you can stop it but you register the look on his face anyway. 
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Maybe not yet anyway,” you mutter it under your breath and try to push past him but he blocks your way. 
“What does that mean?”
“You weren’t ready for a relationship with me but you’re dating the closest possible thing you could find to what you really wanted but were too scared to go for.” And there it is. Months and months of conversations you’ve had with yourself as you’ve lay in bed and gone over everything that happened between you when you’ve had one too many drinks. All the rational, and irrational thinking had led to this moment. Finally putting out your theories to the one person who would either debunk or confirm them. 
You watch as he swallows hard and looks away, focusing his attention on almost anything but you. “You still can’t admit that you wanted me more than you let on, can you?”
“What difference would it make to hear it after all this time?” There’s almost a sadness in Rúben’s voice as he realises that it’s now or never to finally get to the bottom of it all. 
“Because I know I’m right about us.”
“So it’s about winning then for you,” he doesn’t word it as a question, it feels more of an accusation.
“No. It’s about needing to hear for the first time that what we had was real after months and years of you pretending that it wasn’t.”
“I never pretended.” He tries to justify his actions. “I never said that it didn’t feel real. That it was real.”
“I deserve to know that the only reason why we couldn’t have it all was because you were scared.”
His chest rises and falls as he breathes deeply, the muscle in his cheek twitches as he tries to think about what he needs to say. 
“I need to know why they were good enough but I wasn’t. Why date women who look like they could be me if you didn’t want me?” Your voice cracks and you hate that your eyes well up, hot tears now pearling at your lash line, threatening to spill over. You could kick yourself for allowing your emotions to get the better of you. 
“You were always good enough. Always. You knew that I wasn’t capable of giving you what you needed at the start. But I wanted to. I could see the life we could have had and I got inside my own head that I couldn’t live up to the version of me that you wanted. That you needed and that you deserved.”
“I’d have taken any version of you Rúben.”
“I know. And I didn’t want you to have one that wasn’t worth it at the time.”
“You hurt me.”
Three words that he’d known all this time, that he’d told himself enough times that he thought if he ever heard it from her, he’d be desensitised to it. But right here and now, he’s not. Hearing it slices into him in a way he couldn’t have predicted. 
“I know.”
“I wish that I could get over you.” you say as the tear spills in a hot streak down your cheek and drips from your chin. Another follows and another until you’re forced to wipe them away. 
“And I’m selfish enough to not want you to.”
“You’re doing a great job in trying to get me to move on though. Tell me. Where is she? At home waiting for you? Or did she have prior arrangements so she couldn’t come with you tonight?” 
“She’s probably at home. Her home.” He clarifies. “Turns out the reality of me is different to the fantasy. You’ll know about that better than anyone.”
“The reality was my fantasy. The only time you ever let me down was when you left me.”
“And if I wanted a chance to make it up to you? Would you let me?”
“I don’t know if I can trust myself to let you back in.”
“I deserve that,” he gives as much of a strained smile that you’d given earlier this evening. 
“This has emotionally drained me. I can’t do this tonight. I can’t. ”
“Turning up wasn’t my greatest plan, I’ll admit.”
“No. It wasn’t. But Rúben? I’d give you baby steps to try. Just not tonight.” 
108 notes · View notes
noodles-icetea · 3 months
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Watching Megumi Fushiguro fall in love with someone else: A Silent Shadow's Tale
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Megumi X F!Reader (Megumi is shown from teens to adult) Disclaimer: Hey there, fellow JJK enthusiasts! This fanfic is my take on the quieter side of Jujutsu Kaisen, where emotions run deeper than cursed techniques. I don’t own JJK, but if I did, Megumi would definitely have more screen time and Inumaki would get his own spin-off. Warnings: Get ready for feels aplenty! This story dives into unrequited love, awkward rooftop encounters, and enough emotional rollercoasters to rival a cursed spirit rampage. Also, brace yourselves for some serious heart-palpitating moments—I’m not responsible for emotional whiplash! Introduction: Welcome to my little corner of JJK chaos! Step into the shoes of a silent admirer, watching from the shadows as love dances around like a cursed spirit in Shibuya. It has Megumi being his usual brooding self. We’ll unravel the tangled web of unspoken words, lingering glances, and the sweet agony of watching someone you care about from afar. So grab your cursed tools, summon your inner sorcerer, and enjoy the ride, and maybe keep some tissues handy. You know, just in case. 😉
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I still remember the first time I saw Megumi Fushiguro at Jujutsu High. His quiet intensity drew me in immediately, even though I tried my best to remain unnoticed in the background. He was always so focused, so determined. I admired him from afar, my heart fluttering each time he passed by in the hallways.
Years passed, and I never mustered the courage to speak to him. I watched him grow stronger, more confident. He became friends with Yuji and Nobara, and while they laughed and chatted, I remained in the shadows, content with my silent adoration. Whenever he glanced my way, my heart would race, and I'd quickly find somewhere else to look, afraid that he might see the feelings in my eyes.
Megumi always tried to include me in conversations. He'd ask about my day or share a comment about the latest mission, but I’d just mumble a response and retreat, my cheeks burning. He probably thought I was just shy or not much of a talker. How could he know that each word I spoke to him felt like a monumental effort, that his presence alone made my heart feel like it was about to burst?
As we graduated and continued our missions as jujutsu sorcerers, I watched him from the corner of my eye. I saw how he looked at others, how his expressions softened around certain people. There was a girl, a fellow sorcerer, who caught his attention. Her name was Aoi. She was strong, confident, everything I was not. They worked together often, their bond growing with each passing mission. I saw the way he looked at her, with a mix of admiration and something more. It broke my heart, but I couldn't blame him. Aoi was incredible.
Years slipped by, and I remained the silent observer. We were all 27 now, seasoned sorcerers who had seen too much, lost too much. Megumi and Aoi were inseparable. It was clear to everyone that they were in love, even if they hadn't said it outright. I stood on the sidelines, a silent witness to their blossoming relationship, my feelings for Megumi buried deep within me.
There were moments when Megumi would still approach me, his eyes kind and inquisitive. He'd ask if I was okay, if I needed anything. Each time, I'd give a small smile, nod, and find an excuse to leave. My heart ached, but I couldn't bear to be close to him, knowing he belonged to someone else.
One evening, after a particularly grueling mission, Megumi found me sitting alone on a rooftop, the city lights twinkling below us. He sat beside me in silence, and for a moment, it felt like old times, when we were just students at Jujutsu High. He turned to me, his eyes searching mine.
"Hey," he said softly. "Are you sure you're okay? You always seem to be running away."
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to look at him. "I'm fine, Megumi. Just… tired."
He nodded, his gaze still intent on me. "You know, if there's ever anything you want to talk about, I'm here."
My heart twisted painfully, and I managed a small smile. "Thank you, Megumi."
He smiled back, a gentle, understanding smile that made my heart ache even more. He stood up, offering me a hand. "Come on, let's get back. Everyone's waiting."
I took his hand, my fingers trembling slightly. As we walked back to our friends, I couldn't help but steal one last glance at him. Megumi Fushiguro, the man I had loved in silence for so many years. My feelings would remain unspoken, locked away in the depths of my heart. But I would always cherish these moments, these fleeting interactions that meant everything to me.
And so, I continued to walk by his side, a silent shadow, content with the little pieces of his world that I could still be a part of.
Author's Note: Hey lovely readers! So, this little story came to me when I saw this playlist tagged above, fueled by way too many late-night JJK marathons and an unhealthy amount of caffeine. 🚀 Remember, unspoken love is like a cursed spirit—it’s always lurking, just waiting to mess with your feelings. Feel free to drop a comment if you laughed, cried, or if you just want to yell about how much you love Megumi (because, same). Disclaimer: The characters, settings, and original storyline belong to Gege Akutami and the creators of Jujutsu Kaisen. I do not claim ownership of any original Jujutsu Kaisen characters, concepts, or plots. This work is purely fan-made and created for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended. The specific plot, original characters, and any unique dialogue or scenes in this fan fiction are my own creations. Please do not reproduce, distribute, or re-post this work without my explicit permission. Feel free to reblog and share this post with proper credit, but please do not copy and paste the content elsewhere. This story may contain themes of unrequited love, emotional turmoil, and angst. Reader discretion is advised. This work is rated [appropriate rating based on content, e.g., "T for Teen" or "M for Mature"], and is intended for audiences of the appropriate age. Constructive feedback and comments are welcome and encouraged. However, please keep interactions respectful and kind. Any form of harassment, bullying, or inappropriate behavior will not be tolerated and may result in being blocked or reported. While I strive to provide appropriate content warnings, please be aware that certain themes or topics may still be triggering for some readers. Proceed with caution and take care of your mental well-being. This fan fiction falls under the fair use doctrine, as it is a non-commercial work created for the enjoyment of fans and the celebration of the original series. Thank you for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy the story, and feel free to engage with the content responsibly.
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a-killer-obsession · 4 months
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Wavelengths [Killer x Reader, Heat x Reader]
🔞 Minors DNI 🔞
A search for a rumored Vegapunk weapon leads the Kid Pirates to an unexpected new crewmate, with a bloodlust that rivals their own and an incredible power.
CW: Please check AO3 for all current warnings, but general warning for smut, slow burn, serious gore, and really dark themes. AFAB reader, she/her pronouns.
Masterlist || AO3 || Chapter 1
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Chapter 24 - Unmasked
~IT'S TIIIIIIIMEEEE~
WC: ~3.5k
Taglist: @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @iggy5055
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You giggled like a schoolgirl as Killer dropped you on to his bed, making you bounce slightly against the mattress. He knelt at the edge to remove his mask, shirt and shoes, before removing each of your heels as you removed your own mask, kissing each of your ankles in turn and making you giggle even more. His sling was also discarded, exposing the clean bandage wrapped around his forearm, reminding you of his bravery in protecting you. He climbed on to the bed to hover over you, diving in to press his eager mouth against yours. You both moaned at the contact, your hands immediately finding purchase in his hair as you held him to you. The kisses you'd shared since the island had been soft, tender and experimental. This one was rougher, full of fire and pent up passions as your thighs spread for him and his center ground against yours. His tongue ran over the seam of your mouth to beg entrance, and you parted your lips for him, moaning into his mouth at the first real taste of him you'd had since returning from the island. He grunted as he pressed harder against you, before pulling away and letting you take a much needed sharp breath.
He didn't wait for you to finish catching air, his mouth trailing down your jaw to your neck, where he marked you with nips and harsh sucks of your skin, always running his tongue over the affected spot to soothe before moving to the next. Your back ached to lift your ass away from the mattress as he slid his hands up your thighs, forcing your satin dress up your form till he could pull it over your head. His tongue found a breast while his hand found the other, licking and kissing and fondling whatever he could.
“You're filling out you know, and it's driving me fucking mad, especially with your lack of bra tonight,” he looked up at you as he took a breast in his mouth, running his tongue over your pert nipple before letting it go with a pop. “Here too,” he kissed his way down to where your tummy had become malleable and rounded in your time on the ship, “you're so soft and beautiful, I wanna eat you up” he took a playful bite at your stomach and you squealed cheerfully.
It was true that you were no longer the bag of bones you'd been when they found you. The island and your capture had slowed progress, but you'd begun to develop a pleasant layer of fat over your entire body, your breasts now large enough to properly hold and your thighs plush and biteable. Your belly was quickly growing, and you were glad a shop assistant had the foresight to make you buy clothes a few sizes too big, because now they were definitely coming in handy. Before being discarded by the marines, you would have felt self conscious about anyone commenting on you getting heavier, but in this case it made you beam with pride, overjoyed that you were in a place where you were capable of putting on weight. It drove Killer crazy to know his cooking had helped with that, to hide your once visible ribs and make your complexion glow with good health. Strangers no longer looked at you like you were a pity project, your well hidden scars now the only evidence of your abuse.
Killer tugged at your panties and you raised again so he could slide them down your legs and throw them to the floor. His hands wrapped under and around your thighs as he continued to kiss down your front, breezing over your needy slit before nipping at your thighs. Your fingers wove through his hair and pulled desperately at it. “Kil, please~” you whined. He smirked up at you before finally burying his tongue between your folds and flicking your clit with it, pulling a long, deep groan from you as he sucked and licked it.
One of his hands reached up, running over your soft abdomen before groping at a breast, rubbing a nipple between his fingertips. His other hand came to your dripping hole, teasing your entrance before slipping a finger inside you. You pulled hard on his hair and let out a pained yelp, and he quickly pulled away.
“What happened?” He panted, “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”
There was a tear trailing down your cheek and he climbed back over you, falling to your side as he took your face in his hands and wiped the tear with his thumb. “Did you get injured today? What happened?”
“It's my fault,” you sniffed, “Mohawk I said I needed to wait six weeks after… after he had to stitch me. It's only been three, I thought I was feeling okay but I guess I got ahead of myself”
“Oh, oh,” Killer pulled you close to his chest, understanding now why you had been in pain, “sorry, I should have asked”
“It's not your fault, I would have said yes if you'd asked anyway, it's karma for ignoring the doctor,” you sighed, “are you mad? I didn't mean to lead you on…”
“Hush, everything is okay,” he replied softly, “I'll never be mad at you for saying no to me, I'm just happy you felt comfortable enough to get this far at all”
“I really missed you, Kil,” you hummed against his chest as he stroked your back. “I missed this, and the time we've been spending together lately has been so nice”
“Mmm, I agree,” he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “I thought, when you cried out, that you were maybe… maybe scared. Because of what happened”
“I don't think I could ever be scared of you, Kil,” you tilted your head to look at him, his blue eyes coming down to meet yours, searching for any hint of uncertainty. “In truth, with all the time we've been spending together, I've kinda forgotten about it. It all feels like a bit of a blur when I'm around you, you make me too happy to let those dark feelings in''
“I feel the same, about the things I'd rather forget,” he stroked your cheek gently and tucked your loose lavender strands behind your ear, “I feel lighter around you”
“Do you think maybe… you'll talk to me soon? About the… illness?” You asked carefully.
“The manic episodes?” He replied easily, “I haven't had one since I started on the meds. I've been feeling a lot better” He wiggled out of your hold to sit up against the headboard, and you snuggled back against his side. “When I was a kid I started to not like my smile or my laugh, and I was bullied a lot about it. At some point it started to consume me, but Kid and I had a friend, Victoria, who always soothed me when I was at my lowest. She knew best how to build my ego back up and get me past it, and at some point Kid and I both realised we were in love with her. You would have liked her, I think. She took no shit from anyone and wasn't afraid to put us in our place when we pissed her off, but she had a gentle side to her as well, and she was always making us laugh.”
“How did she die?” You asked. Killer let out a sad sigh, and you immediately regretted asking. “Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, you were already doing so well opening up on your own”
“No, it's okay,” he forced a smile for you. That in itself told you how much he was ready to trust you with this, given how much he hated his smile. “I want to tell you everything, I want to let you in properly. It's just hard to talk about her”
“I understand,” you whispered, “you don't have to tell me right now if you don't want to”
“No, I want to,” he replied, taking a deep breath, “Our island was controlled by four gangs. Kid and I controlled one, Heat and Wire each controlled their own. The last was responsible for her death, and we ended up making an alliance with Heat and Wire's gangs to take down the rival gang responsible for it. At some point Heat and Wire became our friends, and we decided our island was too small for our goals and we set out to sail together”
“That's nice, that they helped you take them down,” you mused, “and that the ship was named after her. I never took Heat or Wire as leaders though, they're so loyal to Kid”
“He's the kind of man that makes you want to fall in line,” Killer hummed, “we all want him to achieve his dream”
“Mmm, I get it,” you pressed your head back into Killer's chest and the arm he had wrapped around you stroked your arm tenderly. You may have joined the crew for selfish reasons and self preservation, but Kid had really grown on you. You, too, wanted to see him become King of the Pirates.
“The episodes started at some point after she died,” he continued, “I get these… waves of rage, and they manifest in a laughter I can't control. Kid could only do so much, so he made me the mask because it seemed like reflections were a trigger. It helped, and I hadn't had a episode in a long time before the island, but when I… heard you with Heat I just… broke.”
“With Heat?” You thought hard, trying to think of what he could have heard, before coming to a stark realisation, springing up to kneel next to him so you could look him in the eye properly, “oh Kil I'm so sorry, I wasn't in the right headspace when we got back, I was hurt and angry and I just wanted to lash out and I made a mistake”
“Don't apologise, I understand,” Killer sighed, “Heat is a comfort for you, you needed comfort”
“If it makes you feel better, I didn't even finish,” you admitted, sitting on your feet and idly playing with his hand, threading your fingers through his.
“You didn't?” He raised his brow at the admission.
“It's embarrassing,” you shied away, “I cried and told him he wasn't you. Poor guy was still inside me”
Killer snorted a laugh and you looked up at him questioningly. “Fuck, no wonder the other's were so frustrated with us, we're fucking idiots”
You laughed too at the realisation, collapsing back into his arms as you both laughed. It was his real laugh, and your heart warmed hearing it and knowing how deeply he trusted you.
“We really are bad at this huh?” You wheezed as the laughing settled, “I love you though, Kil. I'm sorry for being so stubborn”
“Me too,” he laid back down and pulled you with him, twisting his still jean covered legs with yours. “I know I can be a stubborn fool, but I'm happy you found your way back to me. I love you, so much”
“Mmm,” you nuzzled your head against his chest, “I don't love those jeans though, why am I the only one naked here?”
Killer huffed at you but smiled nonetheless, slipping out of the bed to strip his clothes before sliding under the covers, holding them open for you to join him. You revelled in the bare skin to skin as he enveloped you in his warmth and twisted his legs back with yours, making a satisfied hum as your breasts pressed against his bare chest. You couldn't help but kiss him again, running your hands around his neck and threading one through his hair as he held you close to him. His erection was quickly growing again, caught between your abdomens, and you ground against his thigh in newfound need. Just because you were out of commission didn't mean you weren't still unbearably horny. He groaned as you rubbed your centre against him, flexing his thigh muscles to allow for more friction as you moaned and rolled your hips more desperately. Your motions were rubbing his cock against your soft belly and he groaned at his own need for friction, pulling your hips tight and guiding your movements to continue as his fingertips sunk into your skin.
“Kil~” you moaned between hot, wet kisses, “it feels good”
“It feels good for me too,” he groaned, “keep going, fuck, use my thigh princess”
You rolled fast against him, the kisses growing messy and failing as you both resigned to just burying your heads in each other's necks, lost to your desires, your coils both building quickly after two painful months of hungering for each other's touch.
“Kil, I'm close,” you whined into his shoulder. Your slick was coating his thigh and assisting in your motions as his precum lubricated your stomach, Killer making short thrusts to meet your rolls as he desperately chased his orgasm. The grunts he was making almost directly in your ear were making you feel high as your coil finally snapped, and you whimpered as you shook in his arms. He made a low, long groan as he spilled out over your stomach, stilling and holding you tight against him as he shook from the intense climax.
You blearily found his lips again, sighing into his mouth as he kissed you softly, running a hand up your back in a soothing manner. He held your face in his hands and kissed your cheek, before sliding out of the bed and going to his bathroom. He returned with a warm, damp cloth and cleaned you up, before cleaning himself and discarding the cloth. He slid back into the bed and laid on his back, a hand behind his head as he smiled up at the ceiling. You curled up next to him, running a finger through his soft blond chest hair before finally resting against him.
“That was nice,” you hummed, before letting out a little satisfied yawn. Your yawn caught as he followed suit, rolling towards you to intertwine again as you had been before. He wanted as much of your warm skin against his as possible, you weren't about to protest. You sleepily nuzzled against his chest and soon you were both snoring away happily.
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You were grateful to be spending the night in his arms as the weather picked up again, the ship rocking violently from side to side through the night. You no doubt would have been thrown, as you had the night before the island, if not for his strong arms keeping you in place. Items were being thrown around the room, and you were glad again that you were in his room and not yours. Something told you being in a room with several small, metal animal sculptures being flung around would not make for a good night of sleep. You could hear both of your masks rolling back and forth on the floor as the ship shifted, it was almost like they were playing together, or perhaps having their own roll around. Maybe you'd wake up tomorrow to find a tiny hybrid of both of your masks.
Regardless of Killer's firm hold on you though, you found yourself growing nauseous at the constant movement. You were no stranger to ships during a storm, but perhaps you ate something undercooked last night, it had been hastily prepared after all. Or maybe you just drank too much, both likely scenarios. Either way, the second you woke up properly you found yourself clawing your way out of Killer's arms and running to his bathroom, emptying your stomach somewhat violently in his toilet. Killer quietly knelt behind you, woken by your sudden fleeing, and pulled your hair out of your face while you continued to throw up.
After what felt like an age you finally felt like there was nothing left to bring up, and you collapsed against Killer, a palm pressed to your aching head.
“You okay?” He asked softly, rubbing your arms. Both of you were still naked on the bathroom floor but it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable.
“Yeah, sorry, drank too much last night I think,” you groaned, taking one of his hands and holding it over your shoulder. “Sorry for waking you”
“It's fine, do you need anything?” He squeezed your hand reassuringly.
“I gotta brush my teeth, maybe a shower,” you replied, trying to stand. He helped you to your feet before digging in his bathroom cabinet for a spare toothbrush. It was always good to have spares, he once woke up after a storm to find his toothbrush in the toilet, with a week till the next resupply island. Never again. He opened the packaging and handed it to you, before turning to run the shower while you brushed your teeth. He pulled a towel out of a clean laundry hamper, hung it for you, and went to leave, but you grabbed his hand, looking at him pleadingly with the brush still in your mouth. He snorted at how goofy you looked.
“Alright, I can't say no to you when you look like that,” he laughed, grabbing out another towel and hanging it next to yours. He stepped into the shower and you watched him hungrily as his hair dampened and the water ran over his bare muscles, still brushing your teeth as you watched the drops trail down past his well endowed cock. You lost yourself ogling him, and he smirked as he looked over and realised you were entirely distracted by his body.
“You're gonna have no teeth left if you keep brushing them, princess,” he laughed.
“Stht,” you garbled with your mouth full, immediately spitting the toothpaste and rising, “Sorry,” you laughed. He made way for you to step into the shower, hugging you from behind as the warm water ran over you and soothed your body that ached from the excursion of emptying your stomach.
The shower was almost domestic as he lathered you with soaps and massaged your aching body, you barely had to lift a finger unless it was to make sure his bandage stayed dry. He rinsed you with the showerhead before shutting off the water and wrapping you in a soft towel with a gentle hug. You were practically skipping as you returned to the bedroom, letting yourself fall back onto his mattress, still wrapped in the towel. Killer followed after you, one towel around his hips, another being used to dry his hair. The position of the towel allowed for a perfect view of the deep V of his abdomen, and the golden trail of hair that ran over his tanned skin from his belly button to under the towel. With his arms raised to his hair his muscles were pulled taut and his strong biceps were well displayed.
“God, I wanna lick you,” you purred, then quickly slapped a hand over your mouth, “I didn't mean to say that out loud”
“I'm not gonna stop you,” he smirked, taking a step towards you, reaching to drop his towel, when his foot collided with something solid. He reached down to collect it, looking at it with furrowed brows and a frown as he examined the front of your mask.
“What?” You sat up, concerned. He turned the mask to reveal a deep crack down the front of the visor, a significant wedge missing from the transparent material. “NO”
You stood quickly, taking the mask and running your hand over the crack, then turning the mask to and fro to examine for other damages, which were thankfully minimal.
“Fuck, it must have gotten cracked last night,” you sighed, then let out a long, annoyed groan, “god fucking damn it”
“Maybe Kid can fix it,” he suggested, “I think he has a fair idea of how it works”
You sighed and sat down on the bed with a defeated pout. “I hope so, I can't exactly just rock up to Egghead and ask for a new one”
Killer took the mask from you as he sat and replaced the space in your hand with his own, “We'll figure it out,” he kissed your hand, “and you've got your sword and your seastone, you're still a more than capable fighter without your fruit”
“Kid isn't gonna be happy,” you mumbled.
“He can get over it, he should know by now that you're more than just a weapon,” he smiled reassuringly, “you'll be alright”
You let out a long exhale and rested your head against Killer's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you and ran his thumb over your bare skin. “Thanks Kil,” you mumbled.
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[NEXT CHAPTER]
37 notes · View notes
roosteraloha · 10 months
Text
delightful ❄️
Bradley Bradshaw × Reader
wc - 1.9k
warnings - FLUFF, talks of seasonal depression & spending the holiday season alone.
disclaimer - ANY BLANK/AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED!! I also DO NOT give permission for any of my works to be copied, shared, compiled, translated or posted onto other sites!!
a/n - this fic is part of the wonderful @sailor-aviator’s Christmas Challenge!! this is my first writing challenge & my first seasonal fic! hope y’all enjoy this one 🤍 title is taken from ‘let it snow’ ❄️
comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated!!
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Christmas. The holiday season that everyone around you seemed to love. You however struggled this time of year, being so far away from what little family you had left was never easy on a regular day, holidays just amplified that longing - something Bradley could relate to all too well.
You couldn’t lie, you loved how the twinkling Christmas lights helped to cheer in the cold, dark nights. But you dreaded being alone, when everyone around you couldn’t stop raving about going home for the holidays and growing more and more excited, while your seasonal depression worsened.
At the first mention of tnr holiday season, Bradley was expecting you to be full of seasonal cheer, but in a way was gladly surprised that you too had lacked the stereotypical family atmosphere during the holidays. He lost both his parents and have a very fractured relationship with Maverick, his only real family, which led to many years he spent the entire holiday season alone. You had very little family left, those who you did have, an estranged aunt and uncle you barely knew, lived halfway across the world. The relationship between you was basically nonexistent, and there was no way ok your meagre salary, that you could afford to fly out to spend the holidays with them.
When you had met Bradley, you were initially cautious of his attitude towards the holiday period. There was no way you could be in a friendship or a relationship with someone who lives and breathes the season. You wouldn’t be able to stand it. You heart lifted when it was revealed that Bradley had the same attitude as you, he wasn’t going to try and change you and your feelings. Instead, he’d respect them and let you celebrate however much or little you wanted.
When December arrived, you immediately became much more gloomy and irritated. You didn’t need to look at the calendar to know the reasoning behind your sudden distaste for everything and everyone around you. The nights grew longer and darker, and you felt less and less like yourself. Bradley had severely underestimated how much you disliked the holidays, assuming you were just being over dramatic like you were known to be on subjects you felt strongly about. He swore that his heart physically hurt knowing how much you hated the holidays, the switch from your usual chipper routine, to barely being able to drag yourself out of bed for work.
You sighed heavily, collapsing onto the sofa, ignoring the snort from Bradley at your dramatics. “What now?” He chuckled, you got very dramatic around stressful situations, and the holiday season was the highlight. Truly he did care about how you were doing, but he only found amusement in these situations due to the one time you broke down crying laughing at how badly you’d overreacted over a tiny trivial thing, he knew you’d never take offence to his laughter.
“I completely forgot that everybody decides to do their Christmas shopping so incredibly last minute!! Like, why are you shopping for presents the week before the holidays?!” You huffed dramatically, unable to withhold your laughter at Bradley’s expression, trying desperately to hold a straight face while you acted out your day. “I don’t know, baby. But I’m thankful for them providing me with this entertainment.” You gasped in faux outrage at his words, grabbing a pillow from beside you and throwing it in his direction without looking, yelling in victory when you heard him yell at the unanticipated contact.
Bradley was cautious about voicing his next statement, already anticipating you to blow up at him, but being polite like his mother raised him to be, “Y’know, you shouldn’t be cooped up in your tiny apartment for Christmas.” He held the cushion in front of him, a pathetic attempt at a shield from your incoming wrath. Eyes widening at your sudden silence, he was quick to add, “Bub…I just meant, I also have to spend the holidays alone, in this big empty house.” He’s by your side now, hands running placatingly on your arms. “What if we spend it together? We can pick out a tree from that lot that Bob can’t stop raving about, you can teach me to bake those cookies we talked about, maybe just make it like any other day, if that’s what you really want?”
Your tense expression melted, tears seeking up in your eyes, not entirely certain whether it was due to the season, or your loving, highly attentive to detail boyfriend’s reaction and creation of alternatives for you, other than your entirely more depressing current tradition of spending the day in your bed, pillow over your head and duvet pulled over you.
Bradley froze at your sudden emotional breakdown. Presuming he had spoken out of turn and instead of pissing you off, had broken your heart, something he swore to himself and his parents that he would never do to you. Internally panicking momentarily, relaxing when you merely snuggled closer to him, curling up on his lap, your head buried in his neck.
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The house was cold. That was the first thing you noticed when you got to Bradley’s late after your shift on Christmas Eve. You lived in San Diego. It did not get this cold, ever. Frowning, you trudge through the entryway, kicking off your shoes, then wincing as your socked feet meet the cold tiled floor. You called out for Bradley, he had texted you before you left work, asking you to come over, you assumed for a quick present swap. He had been ignoring your texts and calls since you gave him confirmation that you would be there. He must’ve turned the air conditioning down as low as it could go, which in summer would have been luxurious, but now?
Now, the drizzle and gloom outside was continued indoors, which kept you frowning as you move through the house looking for Bradley.
Hearing soft humming of Christmas songs from the kitchen, you scurry through the house, keeping your feet off the cold floor as best you could. You’d have to get Bradley to fix the AC. “Woah! Stop there! Close your eyes, this is a surprise, sweetheart!” You groaned, reluctantly closing your eyes, feeling a warm presence move in front of you, a soft kiss being pressed to the top of your head as a soft silk is tied delicately over your eyes.
“Bradley…” you whine softly, trusting him, but clueless as to where this was going. He chuckled, his breath fanning gently onto your cheek, a welcome warmth from the chill in the air. Rubbing his hand up and down your arms, appreciative that you were still in your thin work uniform, trying to warm you back up as best he could, “I’m gonna lead you upstairs, then I’m changing you into something warmer, okay?” You whined at the sheer unknown, but gave into the significant trust you had in your boyfriend.
He carefully pulled off your uniform, his warm hands welcome against your cold skin, goosebumps erupting down your arms. A soft, fleecy, warm shirt was pulled up your arms, and Bradley buttoned it up with immense care and precision. Next were the fleecy pants, which you felt were too long for you, and giggled as Bradley pulled on a fresh pair of fuzzy socks. You squealed as Bradley scooped you up bridal style, peppering your face with soft kisses, chuckling at your soft laughter.
Downstairs, he places you gently onto the couch, greeted now by a warmth the room lacked when you arrived. Warm breath fans gently across your cheek as Bradley gently unties the blindfold, squinting as your eyes adjust to the light. The room is bathed in a soft warm light, the scraggly tree you both had picked out and decorated the week before was twinkling softly, but wasn’t what made your eyes well with tears. The fireplace that usually stayed empty due to the warm California weather, was crackling with fresh logs, the fire casting a warm and cosy glow over the entire room.
There was also an extra stocking hanging from the mantle. Where usually there were just three - Goose, Carole and Bradley - there was one with your name lovingly hand stitched, matching the theme of the original trio. Swallowing thickly you glance at Bradley who shrugged nonchalantly, "I didn't have anyone else to spend Christmas with. Hope you don't mind if I spend it with you. Share old traditions…Maybe make some of our own…”
Throwing yourself at him, you hug Bradley tightly. It had been mentioned only in passing that growing up you never had your own stocking like most children, and your only happy holiday memory was spending quality time snuggled together with your family in front of the fireplace.
Bradley ran a soothing hand across your cheek, wiping away the tears you were unaware had started to fall. You had never had someone pay such attention to minute details you shared, not expecting them to remember them months later.
But Bradley was not someone from your past.
He is your future.
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Several classic Christmas movies later, you were snuggled closely against Bradley’s side, under one of the seasonal blankets he ‘allowed’ you to keep at his place, It’s a Wonderful Life playing in the background. Your half drunk mugs of hot chocolate sat on the coffee table alongside platters of sweet treats Bradley had bought just for the two of you to share, alongside the decorated sugar cookies that the pair of you had made from an old recipe of Carole’s.
Humming contentedly, you crane your neck to glance up at the face of your loving boyfriend, feeling your eyes on him, he turns, kissing you lovingly, pulling you closer to him. “Happy?” You nod against his shoulder, “This is the best Christmas I’ve had in years, Bradley.” He smiles softly at your words, “You know, if you wanted…” He shrugged, trailing off, frowning, you shift and straddle his lap to get a better look at him. “What? If I wanted to what?” Bradley shook his head, a bashful expression on face, narrowing your eyes, you grabbed his chin gently, forcing him to look at you again.
“I wanna spend every Christmas like this with you.”
“Every Christmas?”
He nods.
“Move in with me.”
“Yes.”
“Why? Because I miss you when you’re not- Wait, yes?! You’ll move in?!” His expression frozen, not believing his ears.
Nodding and kissing him once, his eyes light up, grin taking over his face, laughing joyfully, tugging you close to his chest, covering your face in kiss after kiss after kiss. You join him in laughter at his reaction, tugging him down to lay on top of you, being lovingly overwhelmed by everything Bradley.
If this is how every Christmas would end up, snuggled up in front of a fireplace with the love of your life?
If this is what your future looks like, then you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life with Bradley.
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''There's nothing wrong with her stutter!''
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PAIRING | SEBASTIAN STAN x FEMALE!READER
WORD COUNT | 2.4K
SUMMARY | You get a job offering as a make-up artist for Marvel Studios, and quickly become great friends with Sebastian. He never cared about your stutter, and was always patient when you were talking to him. You grow really close, but when the paparazzi tries to hurt you, he is quick to shut them down in your defense.
WARNING(S) | Light swearing, a little angst in some spots.
A/N | Hi all! I decided to write this one-shot to show everyone who has a stutter and is struggling with it that it is completely normal, and you're absolutely perfect! A really good friend of mine struggles with it everyday, so I decided to share what it is like to live with someone who has it with their permission. I hope you will enjoy it!
Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜
Main Masterlist | Sebastian Stan Masterlist
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Y/N still remembers the day she got the job offering to be a make-up artist with Marvel, it was such a big career move she even moved to New York City to be able to take it. Once she arrived on the set, she found out she would be the main make-up artist for both Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, who she had both seen in a few movies before. The only thing that did really worry her, was the fact that she had a stutter, usually people didn't react to that all too well. Despite this, she decided to give this a chance because this could be the change she needed so bad in her life.
The first time you met both Sebastian and Chris was an absolute delight, they were incredibly nice. ''Hi g-g-guys, my n-name is Y/N, and I w-w-will be your makeup a-artist for now.'' you said, and your cheeks immediately turned a deep crimson color, and you really wished you could just run out of the make-up trailer and hide forever. ''Hey, I'm Sebastian!'' he said, and he decided not to comment on your stutter, he actually found it pretty cute. ''Hi, I'm Chris, it's really nice to meet you. I'm sorry and I don't mean to overstep, but do you have a stutter? It's completely fine if you do ofcourse!'' he asked, and you nodded, not wanting to embarrass yourself even more.
You did the boys' makeup and they were incredibly grateful, they asked all kinds of questions like where you are from, if you have siblings, stuff like that. ''W-w-well, I'm from a small t-t-town in Florida, w-where I lived with my ex b-b-boyfriend for a few years, and now I l-live here in New Y-York City, by myself. I s-s-sadly don't have siblings, but I h-h-have a three year old son n-named J-J-James.'' you said with a big smile on your face, thinking about your little boy. You don't see his dad anymore because he left after he found out you're pregnant, and he didn't want any of the responsibility.
''Want to know a little secret?'' Sebastian asked you, and you nodded. ''My character in these movies is also called James. I have a feeling this is completely meant to be!'' he said with a smirk and he let out a chuckle, you laughed as well. You have a feeling you would get really get along well with Sebastian, as well as Chris, because they both make you laugh and feel good, so you don't have to worry about your stutter. ''A-A-Allright guys, you're both ready. Have a good d-d-day on set today!'' you said and you started cleaning up your makeup kit for now, so you would have a clean space to work off of if they needed to be touched up.
The next few weeks were great, and you got to know both Chris and Sebastian pretty well, but there was this undeniable friendship between you and Sebastian. He never said anything about your stutter, but always carefully listened to what you had to say. He never interrupted or finished your sentences, which is something you absolutely hated, and it felt like a relief that he didn't do it. ''S-Seb? I want to say thank y-y-you for being so patient w-with me and my s-s-stutter. It is a r-r-relief that you don't interrupt me or fill in w-what I want to s-say.'' you say with a little flush on your cheeks. ''Ofcourse doll, I know how much it bothers you that people do that, but it doesn't take much effort to just be patient. Besides, I love hearing what you have to say!''
You were so grateful to hear him say that, it felt great to have someone in your life who didn't fill everything in for you, you can think and talk for yourself thank you very much. By the time the end of filming rolled around, you really got close with Sebastian, and you often ended up talking in his trailer for a little while before going home, where you talked about everything and nothing, the good and the bad. James was usually at daycare, but when he got very sick during the day, you had to go there in a hurry. By the time you got to your car you found it had a flat tire, and you didn't know what to do. ''Want me to drive you? I'm done shooting for today anyway!'' Sebastian offered and you happily agreed.
''Oh b-b-baby, what's going on? Are y-you okay?'' you asked James when you saw him. He was very pale and warm, definitely spiking a fever. ''He ate his lunch, but sadly he didn't keep it down and he got sick. He has been spiking a fever for a little bit, but it doesn't seem to go down. We're so sorry we had to call you out of your work!'' the lady at the daycare said, but you said it's fine. ''Hey buddy, are you feeling sick?'' Sebastian asked, looking worried at your son. He nodded slightly and he started crying, so you really had to go to the pharmacy and pick something up in order to bring down his fever. ''I'm s-s-sorry, but we really need t-t-to go now. H-Have a good day!'' you said. ''Yeah, you too and again, I'm so sorry!'' the lady said.
Both you and Sebastian hurried back to his car, you sat in the backseat this time, with James on your lap trying to comfort him a little bit. ''It's o-okay buddy, we'll get you s-something for your fever, and you'll f-f-feel better in no time!'' you said to him, softly stroking his cheek while giving soft kisses on his head. ''Sebastian w-w-will drive to the pharmacy and get you s-something to feel better, okay?'' you said, with tears welling up in your own eyes, because you hated to see him in this much distress, you absolutely despised seeing how bad he was feeling. Most of all, you hated the fact that you had to go through this alone, since your ex left you during the pregnancy.
Sebastian arrived at the pharmacy and went in after you told him what to get for James, so you could stay with him in the car. ''Here you go, James!'' he said when he came back, and he brought some of your favorite snacks as well, to make you feel a little better. He drove all three of you to your apartment, and you invited Sebastian in. ''Oh no, it's okay, really! I should really go, if I come with you I'll only be in the way of you taking care of this little guy.'' he said when he softly stroked James on his back with his big hand. ''It's okay S-Seb, really. I could use t-t-the company!'' and he agreed.
After a few hours you finally managed to get his fever down, and Sebastian was making dinner for the both of you so he was able to help. James didn't feel like eating yet, so you could always make him something simple later. ''Allright doll, dinners ready.'' he said, and he put down a delicious looking pasta salad, and your mouth started watering at the sight of it. ''Wow, i-it looks delicious!'' you say and you immediately put some on your plate. You realized you hadn't ate anything since breakfast, because it was hectic at work and when you got the call from the daycare, you completely forgot about lunch.
A few days later, you suddenly notice a lot of notifications on Twitter and Instagram, but you don't understand what it is all about. When you open Twitter, the first thing you see is '' Does Sebastian Stan have a new girlfriend? '' and you click on it. There are a couple of paparazzi photos of you, Sebastian and James from when he was sick, and Sebastian was there to help you both out. You get really nervous because of this, and decide to call Sebastian. ''Y/N? Is everything okay doll?'' he asked when he picked up after the second ring. ''S-S-Seb, have you seen the p-p-photos yet?'' you say and tears start to prick in your eyes. You were afraid that if he saw all the things they said, he didn't want to be friends anymore, you knew he didn't want a relationship for a while. Even though you were definitely not together, those thoughts still crossed your mind.
''Ah, you mean the ones where they say you're my girlfriend?'' he says with a sigh, he was hoping you wouldn't find out what the paparazzi said, since he knew how you felt about those people. ''It's okay doll, I have already put out a statement that I'm not in a relationship, but that we're just really great friends, that's all.'' he said, and you felt a bit relieved when he said that. You thank him and he asks how James is doing, since you had a few days off to take care of him. ''He's really d-d-doing great, and he has b-been asking about you! H-H-He wants to know where m-mommy's friend is, and asked i-i-if you wanted to come and p-play with him.'' you said with a smile, thinking about when James asked for Sebastian. ''Oh, I would absolutely love to come by later today. Is that okay? Maybe we can all go out to dinner together if he's feeling better!'' Sebastian suggested and you accepted his offer.
The three of you were on your way to dinner, and Sebastian got recognized by some fans who wanted to take a photo with him. He looked at you apologetically and asked if it was okay with you. ''Yeah, o-o-ofcourse!'' you said to him and stepped to the side with James, so you could give them space for a few photos. When the fans walked away you could hear them saying something about you stuttering, and you started to feel very self conscious again. ''Seb, m-m-maybe we should just reschedule. I'm s-sorry.'' you said, and James noticed the tears falling down your face. ''No mommy, no cyring! Mommy can't be sad!'' he said while wiping the tears away, which made you smile through the tears. ''Doll, it's okay. There's nothing to worry about, they don't know anything about you. If you want to go home that is okay and I will come with you, but if you still want to go to dinner I would love to go with the both of you.'' he said, holding your face in his hands. He gave you a kiss on the cheek to make you feel better, and you decided to go to dinner.
When it was time for the premier for Captain America: The First Avenger, Sebastian invited you to come along as his plus one. You gladly accepted, you could really use a night out for a change. The babysitter was more than happy to take care of your little bundle of joy, and you got to spend some quality time with Sebastian and the rest of the cast, who you've grown to love during the shooting of the movie. ''Hey Chris! H-how are you?'' you ask when you see Chris, you haven't seen him since the last day of shooting. ''I'm doing really great. I'm kind of nervous ofcourse, but I'll be fine! How are you and James doing?'' and you tell them about how we was sick a little while ago, but he is back to his old happy self now, and really growing up way too fast.
When it was time for the red carpet, Sebastian gently guided you there, and you both posed for some photos. ''Sebastian, how does it feel to have a girlfriend now?'' some people ask, and you are finally done with it. ''He's n-n-not my boyfriend! We're j-j-just really good friends!'' you say and you get angry, but instead of them stopping, they just started laughing and making fun of your stutter. ''Oh please, why would anyone listen to you? You can't even talk like a normal person!'' someone said, and this is what drove Sebastian over the edge this time. ''Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? There's nothing wrong with her stutter! She can't do anything about it, and it makes her special! It's too bad assholes like you can't seem to get that into that small brain of yours!'' he yells at the guy, and he storms off the red carpet with you closely behind.
''S-S-SEB, WAIT!'' you say, only earning more laughs behind you. You start walking slower and tears are streaming down your face, Sebastian then stops when he hears you sobbing. ''Oh god doll, I'm so sorry for what just happened. I know how you feel right now, and I am so sorry that happened to you.'' he said, and he wrapped his big arms around you to comfort you. ''I-I-It's okay, I'm used to it.'' you say in between your sobs, but it still hurts that they make fun of your stutter. ''No doll, it's not okay, and someone had to set the record straight. I think you're absolutely perfect, and you didn't deserve that. No one deserves to be treated like that.'' he said in your hair whilst he kept holding and soothing you.
''I-I-I'm sorry. I should just go h-home...'' you say and you let go of Sebastian, but he doesn't want to hear any of it. ''Doll, how about we get you cleaned up in the bathroom real quick, and we will just enjoy the rest of the evening with our friends? You really deserve a night out, and those assholes can just fuck right off to where they came from!'' he said, earning a light chuckle from you. ''Okay, b-b-but you can't c-come into the bathroom w-with me!'' you say and the two of you make your way over there. Whilst you walk into the bathroom Sebastian goes to get you a glass of champagne and hands it to you when you walk out of the bathroom. ''T-t-thank you again, Seb. This m-means the world to m-m-me.'' you say and you give him another hug, and this time you give him a light kiss on his cheek, making him blush a little where your kiss just touched him. ''I love you, doll.'' he said. ''I l-l-love you too, S-Seb.''
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dracarialove · 1 month
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📄 Posting my finished fics here, too 📄
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*Check the 'shadow's heart' tag if you haven't read chapter 1
[Chapter 9: Commitment]
Shadow rolled the long sleeves of his teal-green shirt up to his elbows as he left the bathroom, bright red eyes landing on the beautiful lady facing the window of their hotel room.
She primped curved locks and studied her makeup in the reflection, her figure poised in a navy-blue calf-length cami dress and black heels. And when he approached closely enough to catch her eye, Rouge turned around, immediately looking the hedgehog up and down.
"Mm, you look incredible," she said, eyes glimmering under cyan-painted lids. She stepped towards him and her gloved fingers slipped around the silver silk of his necktie, adjusting it and curling red lips into a sly smile. "Can't wait to tear this off you later."
She winked at him and the Ultimate Lifeform chuckled at her flirting, slipping his hand onto her lower back to escort her out. They visited the city again for a fine-dining experience, being seated in a room where roses and peonies bloomed in ornamented arrangements hanging on the dark walls.
Shadow stared at his date while she ordered wine for them to share, memorizing her elegant beauty before they were given menus to look over. He saw all the effort that went into her appearance – the attention to detail in making sure her lips shimmered just the right amount, that her dress fit her perfectly, that she hadn't a hair out of place.
Though wearing a tie was a good start, he held the belief that he couldn't compete with just how good she looked all the time. Glancing at the bat over his menu, Shadow was eager to make her his fiancée. It was killing him to wait.
When the waiter returned with their wine, Rouge seemed to perk up a little more excitedly than she already was. Charming as always, she commented, "Now it's officially a fancy dinner. And what great timing you have, coming back right when we've made up our minds."
The vested jaguar smiled humbly, opening the bottle for them. "Thank you. You're ready to order, then?"
"Yes," she said, turning her attention back to the list. "I'd like the red snapper with the side salad."
Shadow added, "And I'll have the lamb stew."
"Very good." He looked between the both of them. "Would you like any other drinks with that?"
"I think we're fine, right?" Rouge asked her boyfriend with a graceful hand gesture.
"Yes, the wine is enough."
The waiter nodded and smiled again. "I'll be back with your meals, then. Let me know if you need anything."
"Thank you, sweetie," the woman said casually, and grabbed the wine bottle to fill their glasses halfway while she spoke. "Shadow, you are just the most darling guy to take me out like this, you know that? And not just to dinner, I mean this whole trip."
A deeper, more sincere smile spread on her face and she seemed to blush a little, resting the bottle on the table and staring a bit coyly at her cup. "I always wanted a man who cared this much."
The speedster was softened by her words and the genuine emotion in her expression. He smiled back and lifted his cup to her. "Then it's a good thing I found you. I can't imagine experiencing this if I hadn't."
She lifted her glass, as well, and clinked it against his before they took a swig. Over the course of their dinner, Shadow found himself more and more entranced by her, letting Rouge lead the conversation and getting lost in her eyes while she told stories.
He didn't understand what he'd heard from some unsatisfied couples – that the love fades, or that the passion disappears after the honeymoon phase. He hadn't felt that way at any point and couldn't imagine it happening now.
They were certainly content in their relationship, comfortable and happy with the direction their lives had taken. But complacence wasn't something he experienced, and now, sharing a table with Rouge and listening to her tales, he had the inkling that he was falling even more deeply in love with her.
The way her face lit up when she gesticulated to enhance her retelling of a memory; the sparkle her eyes gained when she stared at him for long enough; the confidence he felt being loved and desired by someone like her; it was everything he wanted and more.
He knew there would be a right moment for the talk, but not during dinner. Their meal together would be a romantic one, the second half of which was Shadow's turn to tell stories.
Those of the interesting and funny variety were few with him, but he had some instances of shenanigans to reminisce about, harkening back to his time working at the coffee shop.
Rouge listened, as he had, and when they were sufficiently filled with food and wine, the couple left to walk the streets once again. It was dark out, the sidewalks illuminated by streetlights and the businesses that remained open.
"Do you have room for dessert?" asked the hedgehog, spotting an ice cream parlor down the road.
"Hmm, I think so! A milkshake would be nice."
So, they went inside, patronizing the establishment right before they closed, and walking out with the treats of their choice. Rouge had a vanilla milkshake with little bits of strawberries mixed in, while her lover had a big scoop of black cherry ice cream on a waffle cone.
They walked a little longer, enjoying the crisp night air and the faintly busy sounds of the city at a less crowded hour, not talking much but enjoying each other's company all the same. Then, looking around at the area ahead, the bat's eyes trailed up one of the decently tall buildings and she got an idea.
She pointed up to it while looking over at the quiet lifeform. "Hey, babe, you wanna gaze out over the city?"
Shadow followed the direction of her pointing finger, then nodded. "Sure. It must be pretty colorful in a place like this."
"That's exactly what I was thinking! Come on."
She hopped off the ground to hover in the air, dropping her arm down so Shadow could grab on. His free hand gripped her wrist, and hers grabbed his, then the winged woman lifted her beau off the ground to fly them both up to the rooftop of the nearby building.
And when she was able to see above it, the brightness of the city was apparent. It really was colorful, the night lightened by glowing hues of rainbow colors from the different attractions beckoning people to occupy their business.
"Wow," Rouge uttered in awe, her eyes twinkling. "It's like a hundred gemstones glittering in the dark!"
Shadow didn't care as much for the lights as she did, but the colors were still nice to look at, and he cared more that his partner found it pretty. They landed on the flattened slate and approached one side of the raised barrier that lined the roof.
Leaning their elbows on it, the couple went back to enjoying their ice cream while staring at the different attractions, some of whose signs they could still read clearly – namely, the casinos and nightclubs.
As the seconds passed by, Shadow felt the pertinent moment getting closer, his gut instinct telling him that this tranquil, secluded place would be the best spot to have that important conversation. So, he savored the moments before that, sharing glances with his lover until the ice cream was gone.
And when he looked down at the empty wafer cone in his hand, he felt he'd lost his appetite, and knew it was time. He placed the cone on the raised stone and then hoisted himself up, gaining Rouge's attention as he sat on the edge of the structure.
"Oh, we're sitting now?" she said teasingly, then set aside her cup and positioned herself beside him.
"Yeah, we've been on our feet enough these last few days, I think." He smiled at her and the bat wrapped her arm around his, then gave him a peck on the cheek before resting her head on his shoulder.
In truth, the Ultimate Lifeform had no worry for their feet, or how much they'd been walking; they both had more than enough endurance to handle traveling on foot, and Rouge even hovered every now and then.
Really, he felt his thinking skills were a little better when he was sitting on the edge of a rooftop, his legs dangling over the side. It was something he'd done often at his old apartment, sitting on the roof and just thinking for an hour before bed.
He hadn't done that since moving in with Rouge, so replicating it now activated those memories and the thought-stirring nature of the night air surrounding the city.
Except this time, he wasn't alone. He had a woman by his side, a beautiful one; one he loved so much that the introspection of it was daunting. Because the last time he'd cared about a girl, he'd gotten hurt.
Although it was different with Rouge, the fear of loss was very much still present, and he was still reminded of the painful ache he'd felt before he met her.
With romantic feelings now thrown into the mix, how much would it hurt to lose her, too? He thought he'd done away with those frets, but they kept coming back.
It irritated him to know his concerns still had some sort of power over him. But he had to stop letting those troubles resurface. He knew it would psyche him out of getting things done if he didn't take control.
And Shadow the Hedgehog was rarely a quitter, determined to overcome the lingering worries from his past now that he had a duty to someone again. He'd done well for two years – he wasn't going to be beaten now.
"Rouge... love..." he started, his gentle voice soaking into the night. It came out weaker than he wanted, so he swallowed to push back the unease still threatening him.
Rouge's head shifted a little, but didn't leave him. He could guess she was now looking at him. "Yeah?"
He pulled in a breath and let it out softly. "I have a secret to tell you... and before I do, I'm sorry I haven't said it sooner."
Now the weight of her head did leave his shoulder, and his gaze caught her cautious expression when her posture straightened. Their arms were still enwrapped, so he rested his other hand on hers and looked earnestly into teal eyes. Her worried demeanor dared to strike more hesitance into the hedgehog's heart, but he forced himself to speak again.
"I've told you about how I came to exist. You know that I'm an artificial being; that as organic as I feel, I was created with certain features and abilities that change how I live."
The bat nodded, her voice coming out a bit somberly. "Right, things like godly strength and chaos power. What about it?"
"Well... I also told you that... my body won't deteriorate like a normal Mobian's as I get older."
"Shadow, what are you talking about?" Her gaze scanned over his figure. "Is something wrong?"
His mouth tightened into a tense line and he squeezed her hand. 'Just say it...'
"Rouge," he said firmly, "I understated my lifespan... greatly. I won't ever get old... I was created to be immortal."
Shadow expected her to gasp, but it seemed like she'd stopped breathing instead – he could no longer hear her quietly anxious exhales in the still air, only his own. Her eyes never left him, and slowly, her lips parted.
"You're immortal...?" she nearly whispered.
The fear he saw in her eyes made the lifeform want to reassure her that everything would be okay. But he knew the thoughts going through her mind were all the valid reasons he'd imagined for her to worry over.
It was written on her shock-stricken face that questions about their future were forming as he'd predicted they would. He hadn't planned exactly what to say next. Instead, in that moment, he caught the urge to pull her into a hug, doing so with a shaky breath and embracing her tightly.
"I'm sorry. I should've been honest from the start. But I couldn't..."
Rouge didn't hesitate to hug him back, the pair sitting in silence for a minute. She was picking through the thoughts that whirled in her head, trying to focus on the ones that really mattered. And he gave her as much time as she needed, afraid to speak again first for fear of falling apart.
"So... you'll outlive me, right?"
Shadow didn't want to say yes; didn't even want to nod. His arms squeezed her tighter and his face nestled into her hair. Another minute passed, then the bat started to pull back from his grasp.
"Baby," she spoke tenderly, meeting his eyes again once they were face-to-face. His looked sad, but still a little hopeful. "I still love you... is that what you were worried about?"
An uneasy swallow fell down the dark man's throat. "Well, I was worried that... you would be afraid. Too afraid to..."
His eyes dropped from hers as he trailed off, holding her gloved hands and running his thumbs over each one. He recognized that it was to calm himself more than anything.
Though not immediately brushing aside the news, Rouge didn't seem as panicky as he expected anyone would be. She didn't say anything for a few tense beats, and when he looked back up, her expression was surprisingly firm.
"There's very little in this world that scares me, Shadow." Her eyes twinkled with unwavering certainty. "If anyone can handle an immortal partner... it's me."
The woman's maroon-colored lips curled and she raised a hand to cup his cheek, making Shadow smile in return. His eyes closed and he slowly leaned his forehead to rest against hers, then asked with less hesitation, "Don't you have questions? You can't really be this calm, can you?"
A sweet chuckle permeated the air between them. "We make our own destiny, sweetheart. You and me... we adapt when things get tricky."
His head pulled back so he could look her in the eyes as she continued, "And we learn to navigate unclear paths. So that's what we'll do. The questions can come later."
"It's possible I'll live forever... that's not daunting to you?"
She then broke eye contact to gaze over the city, taking in a thoughtful breath and letting it out in a deep sigh. Her shoulders raised gingerly in a brief shrug before she answered, "Maybe a little... if I think about it alone."
Teal eyes met him again, and her smile remained. "But I'm not alone! I'm with you, and... you're on my side." She grabbed one of his hands with both of hers and pulled it close, squeezing lovingly. "So, if you thought that would send me running, you were wrong! I'm not going anywhere."
Shadow's confidence was whole again at Rouge's words. She was true to her determined spirit, not giving up on him – just as he'd been told. He inched closer. "Neither am I. As long as we're breathing, I'll be here."
She glanced at his lips, leaning in slowly. "Even if we can't spend eternity together... we'll make the most of the time we have."
They kissed, their devotion blessing the night air where they sat. The secluded rooftop over the glitzy vacation city would be marked in their memories as the place where they reaffirmed their commitment even in the face of an existential quandary.
But it wasn't the place where Shadow would make her his fiancée. The ring, he knew, had to shine as brightly as his love for the enchanting bat when the moment came. So, with the passionate seal of loyal lips, the evening ended there.
Before it got too dark, they headed back to the hotel to sleep off the outing. Their figures rested peacefully entwined throughout the night, and when it was morning, the hedgehog woke his lover with a room-service breakfast.
"Mm, best vacation ever," said Rouge through a bite of scone. "Seriously, I wish we could do stuff like this every day!"
"Hah, well... I can always make you breakfast in bed, you know," her man offered, pouring a cup of coffee.
"Knock yourself out, handsome," she bantered with a wink. "But I mean... we're just so busy at home! Imagine if we could both just be served every day?"
"Hm, it might be glamorous for a time... but it also might make us lazy."
Rouge sighed, "Maybe so," then her face lit up with an idea. "Hey, let's go to the beach after this! It's just about the best time to sunbathe."
A smile crept across Shadow's muzzle as he thought about the little black box sitting in his bag. "Sounds perfect."
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builtbybrokenbells · 9 months
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i will admit, it took me a while to formulate what I would like to say, but here goes:
just about a year ago, i made this account with little expectations. for a few weeks, I silently read fics and found myself being a faithful follower of the gvf tags on tumblr. having been someone who’s always loved to write, i figured I’d shoot my best shot, and if it didn’t work out, no harm no foul.
the immediate response and support that i received was overwhelming. for a long time, I had given up on writing because i had no inspiration and no motivation, but the motivation I’ve found in you all has been awe inspiring and the support I’ve received has been incredibly valuable to me. there is no amount of words that could begin to describe the love i have for you all in my heart, and how thankful I am to have finally found a community in which i feel comfortable and safe.
2023, like most years of my life, was absolutely devastating. but, as always, there is a light that shines in the dark, and I fully accredit that light to you. when life is bad, i turn to this tiny corner of the internet and i pour my heart into my work to forget about life for a while. when writing does not seem to solve the problems, I read through the messages and comments that you all take the time to write me, and I find myself feeling lighter and happier than ever before.
the friends I’ve made and the joy I’ve felt in the last year is immeasurable. I find no need to single anyone out, because you’ve all played a huge part (but, there are a few of you near and dear to my heart that i am especially grateful for every day, that continue to encourage me and check in on me, and that give me that extra push when really needed. you know who you are, and i am so incredibly lucky to call you my friends 🫶🏻). thank you for all that you do for me without even realizing, and thank you all for giving me the opportunity to find the part of me that I’d lost for a long time. i am incredibly grateful to share a community with all of you, and to be able to share such a beautiful love for this band with you.
i cannot wait for the next year, and I hope it is filled with even more light, friendship, and love. I’m sure there will be lots of work shared and plenty of memories to be had, and I cannot express my gratitude enough. thank you again for all you do, and i wish the absolute best to everyone in the coming year. you make what I do possible, and i owe it all to you 🤍
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baldwinivmybeloved · 3 months
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୭ ✧ ˚.Charper Thirteen ᵎᵎ 🏹 Xica X Baldwin Iv
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Xica fainted in Baldwin IV's arms, her limp body resting against his chest. The king, weakened by leprosy, struggled to hold her with the little strength he had left. "Take her to a suitable room," he ordered firmly but with deep concern. "Make sure it's well-prepared and have the physicians examine her immediately."
Servants responded to the king's call, carefully carrying Xica away. Baldwin IV followed until she was safely settled in a comfortable bed, in a room softly lit by candlelight. The physicians examined Xica and concluded that she had collapsed from emotional stress, her heart weakened but not in immediate danger.
Once the physicians departed, Baldwin IV remained alone with Xica in the room. He approached her cautiously, his breath heavy with fatigue. He gently touched her face, his hand trembling but tender. As he stroked her skin, he felt a strange sense of relief being so close to her.
"Xica," he murmured, his words barely audible. "I cannot ignore what I feel for you. Even though you are unconscious, I need to tell you that… my heart has found solace in you. From the first moment I saw you, I knew there was something special about you. Something that made me feel alive, despite all the pain and darkness surrounding me."
The next day, Xica slowly opened her eyes, finding herself in an unfamiliar room. The soft light and warm atmosphere gave her a sense of peace. Baldwin IV was by her side, watching her with a gaze filled with tenderness and concern.
"Good morning, Xica," he greeted with a smile. "The physicians said you need rest and should avoid stress. Today, we will spend the day together. I want you to feel safe and comfortable."
Xica nodded, feeling a mixture of gratitude and surprise. Baldwin IV helped her sit up slowly, and together they moved to the king's quarters. Baldwin picked up a book from the shelf and opened it.
"Do you enjoy reading?" Baldwin IV asked.
Xica smiled shyly. "Yes, very much. I learned to read with the help of some friends and… books I found."
"That's admirable," Baldwin said, impressed. "Reading opens doors to unknown worlds. What do you like to read?"
"I enjoy adventure and romance stories," Xica replied, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "But I also appreciate poetry and philosophical writings."
Baldwin IV nodded, admiring her passion. "I enjoy poetry too. It helps me escape reality, if only for a moment."
The conversation flowed naturally as Baldwin IV shared tales of his experiences in war. "I was only 16 when I won my first battle," he said, his voice tinged with nostalgia and pride. "It was an unexpected victory, but I learned that bravery and strategy can overcome any obstacle."
Xica listened attentively, fascinated by his stories. "You're an incredible leader, Baldwin. It's impressive what you've achieved at such a young age."
"Thank you, Xica," Baldwin replied, gently touching her hand. "But those victories mean little without someone to share them with."
Later, they decided to spend time in the castle garden. They walked among the flowers, enjoying the gentle breeze and the song of birds. Xica grew physically closer, linking her arm with his and helping him move carefully.
"The flowers here are beautiful," Xica commented, caressing the petals of a rose. "Each one has its own beauty and fragrance. It reminds me a lot of when I was little."
"Yes," Baldwin replied, observing her with admiration. "You're like one of these flowers, Xica. Strong and beautiful, blossoming with each passing moment."
Xica smiled, feeling warmth in her chest. "Thank you, Baldwin. Your company makes this garden even more special."
They spent a while enjoying the garden, each moment deepening their connection. Baldwin IV, despite his condition, tried to stand tall, his strength renewed by Xica's presence by his side. She spoke of her dreams and hopes, and he shared more about his childhood, responsibilities, and the pressures that came with being a young and ill king.
As Baldwin IV began to feel unwell, Xica helped him back to his room. She laid him down carefully, worried for his well-being. Baldwin looked at her with a vulnerability he rarely showed.
"Xica," he said softly, "there's something I must show you. My face… is heavily affected. I've always worn this mask to conceal it, but… I want you to see it. I want you to know me fully."
Xica nodded, her heart pounding. With trembling hands, Baldwin IV removed the mask, revealing his face marked by the disease. His eyes searched hers, hoping not to see rejection but finding instead a gaze filled with love and acceptance.
"This doesn't matter, Baldwin," Xica said gently, embracing him. "I cherish your soul, and that's all that matters to me."
Tears filled Baldwin's eyes as he felt Xica's unconditional love. She kissed his forehead tenderly, each kiss filled with compassion and devotion.
They spent the rest of the day together, discussing their dreams and aspirations. Baldwin confessed his fears and hopes, while Xica shared about her life and her desires for a better future. Their bond deepened with each moment, creating a connection that transcended words.
"Xica," Baldwin finally said, "I don't know what I would do without you. You're my light in the darkness."
"And you are my strength," Xica replied, caressing his hand.
With these words, they sealed their love and commitment, knowing that despite the challenges they faced, their love would guide and sustain them in the days to come.
That night, Baldwin IV organized a special dinner for Xica in his chambers. The table was adorned with candles and fresh flowers from the garden. The atmosphere was cozy and romantic, creating a space where they could relax and enjoy each other's company.
"I hope you enjoy the dinner," Baldwin said as he took his seat. "I wanted this moment to be special for you."
Xica smiled, her heart filled with gratitude. "It's perfect, Baldwin. Thank you for all of this."
During dinner, they talked about their dreams and desires. Baldwin spoke of his visions for the kingdom's future, and Xica shared her hopes for a more just and equitable world.
"It's fascinating to hear your ideas," Baldwin said. "Your perspective is refreshing and full of hope. We need more people like you to build a better future."
"And we need leaders like you, Baldwin," Xica replied, looking at him with admiration. "Someone with compassion and vision."
After dinner, Baldwin and Xica stepped out onto the balcony to enjoy the nighttime view of the castle. Stars twinkled in the sky, and the moon cast a soft glow over the landscape.
"It's a beautiful night," Xica commented, leaning against the railing. "Everything seems so calm and peaceful."
Baldwin approached her, his presence comforting. "It's moments like these when I can forget my worries and simply enjoy the moment."
Xica looked at him tenderly. "I'm glad I can share this moment with you, my king. It means a lot to me."
Baldwin took her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. "And to me, Xica. You are a blessing in my life."
As the night wore on, Baldwin and Xica returned indoors. Baldwin, feeling fatigued, sat in a chair near the bed while Xica settled beside him.
"Baldwin," Xica said softly, "I want you to know that I will always be here for you. No matter what happens, you are not alone."
Baldwin looked at her with gratitude. "Your words mean more than you can imagine."
With these words, Xica leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead, a gesture filled with affection and devotion. Baldwin closed his eyes, feeling a peace he hadn't experienced in a long time.
Baldwin IV and Xica grew increasingly comfortable in each other's company, sharing moments of intimacy and trust that had strengthened their bond beyond expectations. Despite their mutual attraction and deep emotional connection, both had been cautious about taking the next step towards physical intimacy. However, in the privacy of the royal chambers, the desire and passion that had been suppressed finally surfaced.
Baldwin IV and Xica surrendered to the intensity of the moment, finding solace and unity in each other's arms. Every caress, every kiss, was an expression of love and pent-up desire from days of emotional closeness. They gave themselves to each other with a passion that consumed them, yet also with a profound respect for each other's vulnerability. Could this be the wrong God would not forgive for them, it was unfit for a king.
Just as it seemed the world had paused to allow them to be together, a sudden knock on the door interrupted their intimate moment. They quickly separated, Baldwin IV adjusting his clothing and Xica trying to catch her breath as they prepared to face the untimely interruption.
The door opened to reveal Godfrey, the king's most loyal advisor and confidant. His face showed a mix of surprise and concern upon encountering the scene he had interrupted.
"Forgive the intrusion, my lord," Godfrey began, maintaining his composure but clearly uncomfortable. "But urgent matters require your attention."
Baldwin IV nodded gravely, though his gaze betrayed a hint of regret for the interruption. "I understand, Godfrey. What is it?"
Godfrey, making an effort not to look directly at Xica, continued in a firm tone. "The situation on the southern border has become complicated. It appears that the feudal lords are planning an insurrection, and immediate action is necessary to maintain stability."
Baldwin IV sighed, acknowledging the urgency of the matter. He looked at Xica apologetically. "
I must attend to this immediately. I am deeply sorry for this interruption, Xica."
Xica nodded, trying to hide her own disappointment at the abrupt end to their time together. "I understand, Baldwin. The affairs of the realm take precedence."
Baldwin IV gave her a look of gratitude and affection before turning to Godfrey. "Prepare the reports and summon the counselors. I will be there shortly."
As Baldwin IV and Godfrey left the room, Xica remained alone, feeling vulnerable yet also frightened by what had happened and how it had come to this.
She lay back on the bed, allowing herself to recall every moment with Baldwin IV, every shared word, and every gesture of affection. She knew she had found something special in him, something that transcended the responsibilities and formalities of the court. And while the kingdom demanded his attention, Xica was determined to face any obstacle to be by the side of the man who had captured her heart.
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no-where-new-hero · 10 months
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curious to know about your changing attitude towards lm montgomery! i was always someone who focused on her writing over her, but i've definitely had authors I really connected with personally that are like uh oh when I took a deeper look into their life lol (idk if that's what you meant, but it reminded me of that given the kilmeny context)
This is a good and obvious question and I suspected I’d need to explain it as soon as I made that comment lol 😅
So. As everyone here probably knows, I grew up on Emily. I grew up Emily, in a way. I read those books at 11 and never really stopped reading them. I wanted to be Emily and Ilse, I wanted a friend group like theirs with Perry and Teddy, I wanted a mentor like Dean Priest (yes, like Dean), I wanted Emily’s confidence and hard working attitude toward her dream of being a successful writer, I wanted her young success. I thought everything in those books were true and beautiful. Of course, I loved Anne too—I read the Aogg series at around 9-10 and continued rereading my faves as I aged into them but they didn’t speak to me the same way. They didn’t speak through me. They didn’t make me who I am. And I had a strange sense of belonging with the Emily books that was incredibly intimate. They were mine. Someone I knew in college was curious about them because of course I couldn’t help talking about these formative books, but I refused to tell them the title lol. I felt like anyone would immediately know too much about me if they read the series too, and that felt like a violation.
But here I am. I’ve found an incredible community of other LMM fans. You all have read my metas and know my opinions, and I’ve seen some incredible analyses and headcanons that have broken my brain open in the best way about interpreting some stuff. I love it here. But that also means Montgomery isn’t mine in the same ways. The way those books impacted me as a kid won’t ever change, and neither really will the way that the words still twine themselves around my life (having a quote from the books to fall back on to express a hard day still makes the day marginally better). But it’s a bit like a coming out. Your relationship to an inimical thing automatically changes when you share it with other likeminded people, if only because now you have a community to make it greater.
And of course my feelings for Maud herself have changed. I see her racism much more clearly than before. I see how much of her own pain and trauma went into the stories that I wanted to pattern my life on. I see how problematic Dean is lol. And all this doesn’t make me like her any less. But she’s no longer the Holy Grail author she was to me for years and years.
I think part of this is me getting older, of course. I joked to @blackcatwalking when I turned 24 that I passed Emily’s debut age and would soon out-age her altogether. (@blackcatwalking’s extremely soothing reply was that this was why we have Valancy Stirling! To prove life doesn’t end at the end of our 20s!) But all jokes aside, and as much as I identify with Emily, I have made those books what they are to me because of myself, if that makes sense. The whole “there are a thousand Hamlets for a thousand readers” thing. Maud’s Emily isn’t my Emily, and my Emily and my own self and the stories I write and carry around because of her have to grow out of Maud’s shadow and take their own identity.
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keepmeinmind-01 · 1 month
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Hello! You should know that I’m literally months behind on reading your fics, because every time I start a chapter or one-shot of yours, I immediately get bowled over by either emotions or the quality of writing and become frozen. Like, I read 1k into “world insured” tonight and started crying and was like “nope, I cannot. Maybe I’ll be more emotionally stable tomorrow”. 😆 And I read another chapter of NLAA about 2 months ago and concluded “this was so excellent I don’t even know what to write in a comment, so I guess I can never read or comment on anything they were ever again obviously”.
This is clearly entirely irrational, but — then again — I don’t pretend to be entirely rational.
Anyway, I just felt compelled to share with you how appreciated your work is! And how intensely beautiful & artful i experience it as! Writers aren’t told that enough, I think; and since I “owe” you approximately 7 comments and can’t bring myself to emotionally face the rest of WI today, here you are.
Thank you for your insight and your gifts to fandom!
-uefb
@unnamedelement ahhh thank you so much for this message, it’s incredibly kind and I’m so touched/honoured that you’ve enjoyed my writing and found it has such a strong effect (for better or for worse, LOL!). it means a lot to hear this as a writer, especially because I’ve also loved following your FB fics too 💕
I completely understand getting overwhelmed when reading! I also have this, like if I read something that particularly gets me in the feels or I don’t like, I go all funny for days hahaah ruminating on it or feeling sick. and if I’m being honest, while I didn’t do this so much at the start of NLAA, now that I’m further along, sometimes I get a little emotional too because I just want newt and theseus to have a better life hahaah. I am a bit selfish on this front because I as the writer get to imagine all these fixits and hurt/comfort drabbles in my head after it’s done to soften the blow of the quite heavy material, but I never get around to writing them up or sharing xd
so I completely understand and please don’t worry about needing to read or comment at a certain pace! take all the time you need :) your irrational appreciation is rationally appreciated haha
theseus and newt are on a big overall healing journey in ‘keep me in mind’ and it does end very happily ever after. I can’t make any promises with the dozens of other fic ideas I have (which I sort into ‘angst’ and ‘not angst’ , I do think about fluff too now and then 💀) but they will be okay, their bond and love for one another will get them through 😌 I also really like your interpretation of both of them and their relationship as siblings, it’s really nice to see where they’re both fleshed out and Theseus is trying his best 🥺
thank you for sharing this, it’s made my day, and I’m so grateful you took the time to let me know because ahh it means a lot!! <3
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sarahfeliciam · 3 months
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The Ultimatum Ch 2
Emeline found herself drawn to her conversations with her father at the end of every Defense Against the Dark Arts class that week. This was not unusual for her. DADA was her last class of the day, anyway, and she had felt ease in her conversations with Professor Lupin for some reason - a reason she now understood well.
He was very easy to talk to and she often discussed her schooling and anything she didn't understand with him. The only difference was that she could now sit huddled up on a chair, overlooking the Great Lake out the window as the sun dimmed, and not feel as though she was overstaying her welcome despite before hanging around for maybe a few minutes in comparison to the hours she passed now sat in front of her father.
It was already common knowledge to the entire school the news that spread through her own heart like wildfire. Everyone was too shocked and fascinated to dare say anything to her, yet. Even Draco had so far found himself at a loss for words, which Emeline was grateful for. She wasn't expecting muteness from him and was enjoying the time before she'd inevitably need to put him in his place. Certainly, what was saving his snide remarks on that front, was the fact that despite everyone knowing Remus Lupin was her father, they were still none - the - wiser to his condition, which is a secret Emeline now shared with him, Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey and the other professors.
As she peered out the window, the moon glistening menacingly through it with just the slightest sliver left unfilled , she sighed deeply and turned to face her father who was grading papers.
"How do you feel?"
He finished the remarks he was in the middle of writing and set his quill down, fixing all of his attention on her.
"How do you mean?"
"Well, you know…" she cocked her head slightly toward the window to motion to the moon and chuckled. "Impending doom and all."
Emeline was a humorous and exaggerative teen. She was social, kind, always up for a laugh, and quite compassionate. She had a sarcastic wit but was fairly oblivious. She spoke her mind with no second thought and was incredibly accepting. Though that all sounds well enough, her father staring blankly at her almost convinced her to think she'd gone too far, (something she'd accidentally done with her comments in serious scenarios many times before). At attempting to ease the strain of a horrible condition, she was sure it had backfired and he was angry.
Until he laughed.
A quick and short, genuine chuckle that immediately set her smile back on her face.
"My condition has been many things, Emeline, but never humorous. If you must know, I feel much better after that comment, as doomed as I may be."
He set back to work grading and Emeline fixed her eyes back on the moon. Sometimes she wished she didn't lead with humor as often as she found herself doing so. She did truly wonder how this must feel, but she knew enough to know that pressing him further in that moment would be the wrong choice. She cracked open the book in her lap again and they passed the rest of the evening in knowing silence, the smell of chocolate wafting through the air, tea getting cold on his desk, and in their own little bubble until she heard those heavy castle doors sliding into place, which beckoned her to sleep safe in her dorm room once again.
The next morning, Emeline bounded out of her dormitory, chesnut curls bouncing against her face and her robe half off her shoulders, bag clutched against her chest and a few extra books under her arms. The second she ran out, she found herself running clean into someone and stumbled backwards as they caught her, almost as clumsily as she was.
"How in the world do you manage the marks you receive when your life is in such shambles?" Remus took a few books from her arms in one hand, leaning against his cane with the other.
"I dunno really. One thing I've never subscribed to is the early bird getting the worm, though. I think most of my professors just accept the fact that my intelligence makes up for what I lack in…"
She had never seen his disappointment before. After all, she hardly knew him, however she certainly knew that look. She swallowed thickly. "Punctuality." She flashed him a convincing smile and he let out a sigh.
"I really don't want to take a hard day out on you, Em, but try and be prompt. For Merlin's sake, you're halfway through an entire class already."
"Charms is hardly good use of my time." She muttered under her breath, almost silent.
"My condition awards me many heightened sensibilities: Catching your muttering is one of them, and I don't think Professor Flitwick would take kindly to your disdain of his entire subject, Emeline, do you?"
"Likely not. This conversation has cost me an additional five minutes already, though."
He straightened up as best he could and looked down on her with what resembled his usual calm, yet somehow it still came off forced. She supposed she needn't wonder how impending doom made him feel anymore.
"I only came to tell you to have a good day today, not expecting to wait twenty minutes, might I add. I won't be around until after tomorrow. You've faired just fine on the sidelines of all of this and I'm sure you just thought I was an exceptionally ill person, however now that we have all these truths out in the open, I felt it fair to keep you involved. Professor Snape will be hosting Defense Against the Dark Arts this afternoon as well as tomorrow whilst I recover."
"Thank you," she softened. "I do want to be involved and it helps make the most abnormal thing I've ever grasped feel… more normal. This has all been quite a bit to manage, but did you really need to make it worse by enlisting Snape?"
"Professor Snape is well versed in the dark arts, believe it or not-"
"-oh I believe it-"
"-and," he continued, ignoring her interjection. "I know he will do just fine as a fill in. I understand how heavy this all must be for you. I'd really like to talk more about…" his demeanor shifted and he looked less forced now. As his shoulders relaxed, Emeline found her guard crumbling and the kindness she was used to him having shining through once more. He smiled painfully. "Your mother. Your mourning and processing. I do worry about you, Emeline. I don't pretend to believe we can play happy family forever without these conversations; and many others, I'm sure."
Emeline noted how much heavier he was leaning on his cane already and settled into an uncomfortable silence while feeling terribly sorry for just how mentally and physically taxing the moon was even before transformation. I suppose she imagined the societal scorn but not as much the true pain.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to push you either." He tried to smile but it was more of a grimace.
"No, you haven't pushed me. Not at all. Here." She grabbed his free arm and pulled him over to one of the vintage bench seats that was outside their golden toned dormitory door. "You shouldn't have pushed yourself."
He smiled warmly at her and shook his head.
"No, you deserved to know how this works. I wanted you to be prepared for Professor Snape's lecture. Sometimes he doesn't take too kindly to me and I have a feeling he's been antsy to make it into my classroom for reasons that go beyond a love for dark arts." He sighed and leaned back into the bench. "However, Dumbledore backs him as do I still. Thank you for your kindness, Emeline. That is something I don't deserve."
"This was mostly out of your control. I can't find it in my heart to shun my only family left."
He opened his mouth to speak, but they were broken from their conversation by students flooding the halls. The first class of the day was through.
Remus gripped his cane tightly and pulled himself to stand, gently declining her extended hand to help.
"I will speak to Professor Flitwick. And I will see you in two days." He turned but she quickly interrupted once more.
"Wait, Professor."
Turning back to her, he prompted her with a nod. She lowered her voice to that faint mutter again for only him to hear.
"Where do you go exactly?"
"That's a conversation for another day. But Madame Pomfrey has always cared for me exceptionally. Don't miss your second class of the day, Miss Whitticker."
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narrans · 1 year
Text
A Tall and Small Collection | S2.34 | Music and the Prelude
Dorian stared at the screen. His heart was racing a million miles a minute, which was incredibly far for a Borrower.
Was this real?
Was this even possible?
There was no way…
Ever since Ashlynn gave Dorian the smart device and loaded the GarageBand application onto it, he had been making music non-stop. Everything just felt natural. The way the instruments played at the touch of a button and brought his ideas to life was absolutely unreal. As a Borrower, making music was something you never did. Now? He could live this dream.
Ashlynn, after hearing some of his stuff, thought that he should post it anonymously online to different websites. It took a lot of discussion and soul searching, but Dorian ultimately decided he wanted to share his music.
What was the point of making it if no one was going to listen to it?
So, with Ashlynn’s help and Soren’s blessing, along with a thoughtful reminder that he needed to make sure Borrower kind was not referenced or revealed accidentally, they made him an email account which immediately linked to a YouTube page.
From there, he started uploading his music. He found free online pictures and found out how to put pictures over his music. Dorian even managed to find a few free things called “apps” that let the image move on its own.
For the past few months, he had been posting his music online to different sites until, one day, he saw he had a few comments and things called “subscribers.” They were absolutely thrilled with his music, based on what Ashlynn said when she read the comments to him out loud, and he helped craft a response to each and every one.
It was slow at first, but the comments and views grew.
Dorian thought he was good, but never really that good. He was just pressing buttons and saying what was on his mind.
And, evidently, it had caught fire.
Dorian took a few days away from checking his sites to write and enjoy his music. During those days, something happened and, now, his heart was making his chest ache.
There was no way this was real, right? Those numbers were only ever three numbers deep, right? There were five numbers on them now - 56,389. What did it mean?
Feeling a little nauseous, he stumbled into the living room away from his screen and his studio to see that Ashlynn was sitting on the couch working. He didn’t know where Soren was, but that didn’t matter as much at the moment.
He needed Ashlynn for this - and it felt good to need her.
“Ashlynn!” called Dorian as he jogged up to the sofa where Ashlynn was sitting. She nodded, showing she heard him, but continued typing away on her computer until she reached a good stopping point.
“Yes? Hey Dorian. What’s up?” she asked as she reached down to the floor out of habit and let the teen step onto her palm.
“I have a question for you about the online thing. Um… Do you have a second?” asked Dorian as he grasped Ashlynn’s thumb and let himself be swept upward toward Ashlynn. The moment she saw him, her eyes narrowed.
“Sure, I have a second. Are you feeling alright? You look a bit shaky and pale. Did someone say something mean?” asked Ashlynn as she gingerly set Dorian down on her shoulder and began pulling up his YouTube channel.
“No, I don’t think it was mean. I just released a new song a few days ago and there are a lot of numbers. I… I don’t know what they mean, but I think I do at the same time if that makes sense,” said Dorian. He crouched down low on Ashlynn’s shoulder as his eyes fixed onto the screen. He was shaking in his borrowing boots. Why he felt so jittery, he wasn’t sure, but he had a sneaking suspicion something was about to happen.
Ashlynn nodded and typed with lightning speed and waited only a few seconds for the screen to flick over to Dorian’s page. It was relatively simple. He had Mayzie “paint” a logo and banner, simply calling his segment Dorian’s Attic Tunes.
The moment Ashlynn clicked on the latest video, however, Dorian heard her inhale sharply and felt her stiffen.
“What?” he asked, feeling his nerves spike. “What is it? Is that bad? Or… or does that mean what I think it means?”
“Dorian, this is a lot of views; and look at the comments!” Ashlynn looked through the digital letters which Dorian could only partially understand. Dorian felt himself shaking as Ashlynn read off the comments.
“Dorian, you have an amazing voice. I hope you keep making music. Coming out with an album?”
“Such a great tune! And so true! Keep up the good work!”
“Totally subscribed first. Luv ya man. Keep cranking out tunes.”
Ashlynn continued reading as Dorian’s heart pumped nothing but air. Was this real? How could it be? He had no experience making music. This was just him goofing off.
“Dorian! This is amazing!” cheered Ashlynn, reaching up and carefully rubbing his shoulder. The Borrower teen was absolutely speechless. “And look! Your subscribers are going up every time I refresh the page. Look.”
Ashlynn hit a few buttons and, sure enough, the number changed once again as the screen came up.
“This is amazing, Dorian,” smiled Ashlynn. “You’re really doing great things with your music. You’re reaching people!”
“But… how… I mean… I’m not…” sputtered Dorian.
“What? You think you need to be human to make good music and make it in the industry? Granted, we’ll have to be careful, but this is good. You should be proud of yourself!” Ashlynn encouraged once again. Dorian leaned against Ashlynn’s neck and continued to stare at the number.
How was it possible to be this happy? This was truly an amazing day.
~~~^*^*^~~~
This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening!
Rey heaved in breath after breath as he sprinted through the walls. His eyes weren’t working. They were too blurred from the tears pouring over the rims of his eyes.
He knew what he needed to do in the moment, but it didn’t make the hurt go away. It didn’t make it any better. The teenage Borrower slammed into a nearby wall joist which seemed to come out of nowhere, and he let himself crumple to the ground.
Rey drew his legs into his body, which was shuddering violently, as he laid there in a heap.
What were they going to do?
They had no time.
He had to keep going.
He needed to get up.
Rey forced himself to his feet, but a choking sob made him pause just long enough stare at his blood-soaked hands.
Everything happened so fast…
And Hero…
How were they going to fix this?
How were they going to get him back?
~~~~~^*^*^*^*^~~~~~
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A Tall and Small Collection | Soren
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