#i gotta learn more history im missing out a lot of things

[yellow-yarrow]

I just got this reference!! Its "under the cobblestones, the beach" from the french 1968 May protests! very fitting

[rosencrantzsguildenstern]

Character: Kujo Takamasa

First impression

since i first saw him in rikus fucking. 1st beat flashback. i knew that man was sus as hell amen! i was super curious since we got that bit of knowledge that tenn left with a random guy and basically had this prediction that he was AWFUL and the cause of all of tenns problems. in the first actual scene with him i was mostly like 'what a cool scene!' but as soon as we learn he's tenn AND AYA'S dad i was like. oh i bet he's why tenn works himself into the ground and has all these weird complexes and won't talk to riku i bet kujo’s this horrible abusive guy. i even wrote this little tenn&aya angst fic back in october when i was watching 2nd beat that holds up decently well (it was basically a sickfic where tenn was like ik im sick but I Have To Go To Work bc otherwise kujo’ll be pissed and aya was like My Mom Died Of Illness) but definitely has some inaccuracies and missed how interesting tenn and aya's characters and complexes are. anyway i hated that man!

Impression now

I LOVE THIS MAN!! he has every disease <3 <3 <3 i love his hair. i love his vibes. i love when he fails at life. he's still an awful parent who did/does definitely traumatize tenn but it's in a fun funky way. i love a man who goes insane with longing. i also just really like the little snippets we get of him existing. being himself. his personality entertains me. i like his dramatic monologues and i like that he’s goth

Favorite moment

oh my god. when the high school trio corner him in a hallway and he’s like “when did i start running a children’s counseling hotline” my friend. perhaps when you started using them as raw material for idols??? its so funny hes like. whats up with these kids ❓

Idea for a story

THIS IS SURPRISINGLY HARD bc i give him a lot of screentime in my stuff that ISNT centered around him but then with just him all im thinking of is easy little character studies where i wax poetic about zero. OH!! actually i’m always dreaming up dumb kujo family crackfic. they go to the grocery store. (i actually have snippets of this one thought up.) they go to a diner. they go on an overly long drive and hate it. haruka is always there causing drama. its a beautiful world

Unpopular opinion

ONE TIME I SAW A FIC MAKING HIM HOMOPHOBIC nah. hes gay. hes homophobic against haruki specifically. but in general taking an antagonist and making them do allllll the bad stuff is never my jam. also w that the idea/theory that he fucked over zero, like pressured him too much as a producer? i could see him being the reason zero disappeared, but i don’t think he could or did Manage zero— if he overwhelmed zero, it was probably with excessive love and devotion— like i bring up in the favorite relationship section he’s the guy who says “this song is the most amazing thing in the world” and gets so excited about it he breaks your stuff!

Favorite relationship

i thought about this for a little but i think i gotta say him and haruki! apart from them being the choice with the most history, their dynamic is just fun— harukis a jokester. a free spirit. a silly guy if you will. and generally laid-back/unattached- while kujous very serious and singleminded. add in Beef and that they used to be really close and it’s so fun; i also think a lot about the flashback scene where haruki’s having kujo listen to his new song and kujo’s like THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER MADE!!!!!! what a hypeman :> and harukis like don’t break More of my glasses so that’s another fun touch of contrast in their dynamic

(and god. i’ll make this last forever kujou vs here for a good time not a long time haruki. what a pair to trap in endless grief)

i also actually really like his and gaku’s dynamic? all their scenes together are really strong, it’s really satisfying seeing gaku tell it like it is— with all this care for tenn and knowledge of tenn’s issues embedded— and having gaku play kujo in the zero musical also brings out ALLLL the similarities in the two characters (that are really quite different) and makes every kujo-gaku scene during that period extremely fun bc gakus doing CHARACTER ANALYSIS

Favorite headcanon

ough… ive talked about this before but i think aya buys him best dad merch, haruka buys him stuff that says “worst dad” and he ignores what all of it says and just like. wears/uses it.

also i like the idea of him being consciously goth/alt but in different styles since before zero disappeared

[lee-minhoe]

mel my love hi !!! it´s been a bit so sorry for taking so long to answer uni has been high key killing me ahdsjk. hope you´ve been well though !! sending you all the good vibes and hugs ! <3

'it didnt help that he was also in a sleeveless shirt for part of it and with the bw cap, thats one of my many weaknesses' SAME SAME LITERALLY ME.

and i know !!!! min with cats is truly one of the most healing things :(

and yes i did! watching that truly was an experience! i remember watching and seeing lix and min get eliminated and my heart just broke for them tbh my god. and the lix and chan part !!!!!!! forever crushes my soul. (also i tried to watch that video but literally had to pause after five seconds because i couldnt handle it ahfdjskg)

aaaaah dance teacher minho my beloved '(as if all the genres of lino arent my fav!!)' adshjf same again !! you truly truly get it mel <3. there's just something so soft about it! :(

and im glad to hear you've had fun getting into them ! 'felt like i was going insane when i first got into skz because their music is SO GOOD i was listening to it 24/7 and constantly had random parts of songs stuck in my head throughout the day LOL' ahjdskf valid !! was there a certain song/album that made you really get into them? or !! wait was case 143 your first comeback then? (i have no sense of time sorry asdkf) how'd you like the album? any faves? (i feel like you're going to say taste but besides that one agfdjkg)

and lix and jeongin !! i'll keep that in mind *eyes emoji*

also !!! omg you saw them at kcon how fun!!! idk who else was there but i hope you had a great time <3

and mark !! i actually love nct as well and mark is so beloved to me !! totally get you ! any other groups beside nct and skz you're into? i like a lot of groups so i'd love to know feel free to share !

also i may or may not have checked out all the fancam recs and !!!! A++++++ truly tyvm <3. like i said i never really watch them but this was so fun ! also because he's so silly before the song starts and then gets all serious when they perform and the contrast is just so hilarious like i was crying laughing at the domino one. man is just grabbing butts left and right ahjkhjdshfjk. but also all of the fits are so good my god. he truly is the prettiest *sigh*

anyways, i feel like this has gotten too long im so sorry !! wishing you a lovely day/night beloved !

-🌻 

santaa ur back i missed you!!

i remember the struggles of my uni days so i totally get it 😭 is it finals season right now? you got this <3 fighting!!

as for which album got me into skz, i remember i listened to the whole noeasy album straight through and i was like wow this album was literally no skips for me, maybe i gotta learn more about them?? and now the rest is history hahahaha. i also just really love a lot of their title tracks especially the ones like all in, miroh, and gods menu that are so hype (i had the DDU DDU DDU DDU DDU DDU part stuck in my head a lot when i was listening to skz music nonstop 😂 love that part). it's funny because i remember i tried listening to some skz music when i got into kpop in 2020, and i was like idk if this is for me....and now almost 3 years later i'm like THIS IS MY TYPE OF MUSIC LOL i love the noise music <3

case143 was kiiind of my first cb?? but not really in the sense that i wasn't anticipating it, since i was just learning about them when the album dropped (i fully got into skz like a few days before lino's birthday 😂 so that was good timing i guess since he ended up being my bias (and dare i say now...one of my ults....👀))

also LOL THE WAY YOU CORRECTLY GUESSED that my fav track on the maxident album is taste....ok but hear me out, besides the fact that lino is in it and the choreo is....the choreo (lol), i also love lino's falsetto in it (the "don't make me bad i'm addicted to you" asdjfhak i want to hear him sing more!! i think he has such a sweet voice 🥺) and the way that the song slowly builds up and then drops at the chorus with the beat! give me your tmi is my 2nd fav track on the album i think though

MAAAARK IS MY BELOVED I LOVE HIM :(((( i started off in kpop as an nct fan, and i have been slowly collecting more groups and i'm becoming a multi mess hahaha. besides nct and skz, i also like txt (soobin is my bias but i love all of the boys a lot <33 it was so hard to pick a bias); nine.i (a rookie group i discovered recently whose music IS SO GOOD??? one of their members produces the songs too i think and i highly recommend listening if you haven't heard of them - young boy and wasted youth are my favs but their whole discography is no skips for me); day6, p1h, svt, enhypen (in varying degrees of familiarity lol), and i also like kbands like xdh, nflying, the rose (i mostly listen to their songs and dont really know all their names but ONE DAY!). i'm mainly a bg stan, i dont have anything against ggs but i usually listen to their music and dont know their names lol (currently obsessed with stayc's songs). what groups do you like? :D

also im glad you enjoyed the lino fancams LOL (no shame here, i am the one who listed 12724 fancams after all jsahdfka) i love how he is so silly on stage and seems to truly enjoy it!! i always laugh at the thunderous fancams where his hand slowly slides down to changbins butt hahahaha. also i discovered this gods menu lino fancam today which i must share because it is insane and he went so hard especially in the chorus, i love how he really commits to all the moves and has so much power yet control in them. and yes, all his fits are amazing ugh he is sososo gorgeous

this also got really long so dont worry about it haha it just means we're having a good convo :)) hope you have a lovely day/night as well <33

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

chloe in my adrininogami roommates au

under the cut bc its a little long (1500 words of notes about chloe in this au)

ADRININOGAMI ROOMATES AU RECAP: its not really an au its just a timejump, Adrien Nino and Kagami are all like 18-19 and roommates, hawkmoth is still out there and lb and cn still dont know each others’ identities, Nino and Kagami know each others’ secret identities but don’t know Adrien’s and he doesn’t know theirs, Nino is at university while Adrien and Kagami are just taking a gap year and working minimum wage jobs and honestly they are all thriving and bffs

Chloe is a music major

At the same university as Nino

i have very little knowledge of the universities of Paris so this is going to be partially based on the American system, im sorry but youre going to have to suspend your disbelief real quick

so the university has a rule where first year students have to live on campus in the dorms

Nino escaped this rule because he is a goshdarn music nerd and quest for knowlege cannot be stopped

There wasn’t even an AP Music Theory class at his high school when he started there but he was like “whats up guys i have self-confidence now and i think it would be pretty nifty if we had this class” and then talked to teachers and convinced a bunch of his friends to sign up for it so now its a class

And thats the only AP Music class and he still wanted to learn,,, so he just,,, started taking online college courses,,, in music theory,,, for fun,,,, the absolute nerd <3

he will ramble excitedly about music history to anyone who will listen and you cant even be upset bc he is so energetic about this

All of this is to say that, by the time he graduated high school, he had already completed a bunch of college classes, so he got to enter university as a sophomore, which is how he is living off campus with adrien and kagami

Chloe, however, is a freshman, so shes gotta live on campus in the freshman dorms and have a roommate

her roommate, by the way, is Juleka

Chloe has calmed down significantly by this time and sucks a lot less. She and Juleka are not friends by any account, but basically, when they were signing up for roommates, they were both like “whelp this is better than rooming with a total stranger, i wont talk to you or bother you if you dont talk to me”

chloe and juleka have not actually spoken to each other since school started,, they pretty much stay out of the dorm room unless they are sleeping and then they stay on their side of the room and do not make eye contact and dont touch each others stuff

and chloe is totally fine with this

just kidding, hahaha, she is sad and lonely and wants to make friends but is terrible at it,,, her models for friendship include Adrien who she knows she messed up with completely and the best thing she can do now for their relationship is avoid him so she doesnt mess it up more,, and Sabrina, who is also refusing to speak to her now and basically taught chloe that the way to do friendship is to like? do their homework or something??

(juleka is vibing and living her best life btw, shes just also an introvert and only goes to the dorm when she is tired and needs to refresh and also chloe is the one acting like they shouldnt talk)

SO,,, chloe is a music major bc she thinks its pretty nifty and fun and also because she is trying to avoid anything to do with her parents,,, she has reached the point where like “be a dissapointment to my parents” is like,, her life goal,,, which is kinda a “good for her” situation and kinda a “holy heck plz get her some therapy situation”

wow we’ve got a bunch of backstory but we are finally to the point of this post

Chloe has several classes with Nino and she keeps accidentally flocking to him because she already knows him from high school and he has such good vibes

Nino is kind of just trying to avoid her,, he doesnt HATE her,, but,, it is chloe,, yknow

but then they get paired up for a group project and the group meets at nino’s apartment, and adrien is not in the building whenever chloe is there, on purpose,, they will be friends again eventually but their friendship is taking a little bit of a break and adrien is still learning how to have boundaries so he’s just doing what’s best for his mental health

chloe is totally fine with this and doesnt miss him at all

just kidding she is lying

BUT

you know who IS just chilling in the apartment while chloe is there

kagami

who is now like 19 and having some actual self confidence and happiness and who is chilling in her apartment with nino, one of her best friends

and chloe gets through the first group meetup at nino’s house and doesn’t spent any time just staring at kagami who’s chilling reading books in the corner (yes she does)

chloe is actually trying her hardest to be nice to the group members and make friends and prove that she can be a good person and a hard worker but she has very little social skills or work ethics skills and is having complicated emotions about adrien and hasnt even realized it yet but she is falling HARD for kagami,

all that is to say that chloe is a little bit distracted from the group project

but anyway they meet up again and this time chloe has done a ton of research and prep beforehand bc she doesnt want 2 be caught offguard made to look like a fool again and everyone is like what the heck, since when does she study things?

and anyway the project goes pretty great

but then

chloe has a goshdarn crying breakdown

because she is experiencing too many emotions all at once

the combination of just,,, university coursework is stressful and living without servants for the very first time in her life and parental issues and not having friends and also literally everything is just aaaa

so she starts crying in her dorm while doing homework while juleka is there but she literally forgets that juleka is there bc juleka is kind of a cryptid

and juleka just kinda stares at her for a minute and then is like “u good”

and chloe tries to pretend shes not startled and is like “haha yeah its fine”

and juleka is like “have u considered getting a tutor”

and chloe, who is stupid, is like “hmm i should ask nino to tutor me but only at his place and only when kagami is home and i should make sure that i look super cute and i need to study beforehand so that i look cool and smart in front of kagami,, i mean,, for no reason at all i just think this is a good idea”

she talks to nino and nino is like “ok i guess i can help tutor you but u have to actually make an effort and also stick to a schedule so youre not there when adriens there bc we are respecting his boundaries and also you need to-”

and chloe is like “great perfect done”

and then she actually does everything nino says

so basically

she ends up passing all of her classes and making friends

literally just because she is too stupid to actually try to talk to kagami

they literally do not have any conversations other than like “hey, whats up?” “nothing much lol” for like,,, an entire year

also chloe does not admit to herself that she has a crush on kagami for that entire time either

meanwhile adrien and nino and kagami are all a little confused bc chloe keeps flirting at nino??? and adrien is like “im pretty sure she likes girls but idk???” and nino keeps being like “hey chloe what’s up, i just got back from hanging out with my amazing girlfriend alya who i am very in love with,, and who is my girlfriend,, who i am dating”

and chloe has literally no idea why he is doing this but continues to flirt at him and subconciously hope that kagami will catch some of her flirting vibes and falls in love with her

so basically

they are all stupid

BUT Chloe and Nino do become actual friends and chloe actually respects him for the amazing wonderful smart talented kind person that he is and he helps her make some new friends and they get to the point where they are a super great study group and she’ll listen to all his homework assignments and proofread some of them when its like finals cramming time and they are supporting each other and their friendship is good

[muwur]

long distance headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for daichi, suga, hinata & tsukki

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.5k words

a/n: hello yall this is my first post! nobody asked, but i just started this haikyuu reader insert blog, feel free to check my page n see wazzap. also requests are open pls come fhorfjepfiwf;

daichi

✧ after high school, he stayed in miyagi while you went to tokyo, about 5 hours away, for college

✧ texting or calling whenever u can!

✧ you be like “heyyy”

✧ then he clap back with a “go focus on your lecture”

✧ “im not in lectureee”

✧ “you gave me your schedule so i know you’re in the middle of class”

✧ “...”

✧ makes sure you’re awake on time for your classes and calls you if he thinks you’re oversleeping (and hes usually right, this man just KNOWS)

✧ “morning y/n, i think you need to get to class soon”

✧ “mmrghhhghhh” *checks time* “holy sHI-- i forgot to set my alarm. IMMA BE LATE. THANKS DAICHI I LOVE YOU ILL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE”

✧ definitely skips out on some nights out with his friends to video chat you. you catch up, talk about future plans, reminisce, complain about not being able to hug one another, etc. occasionally one of you falls asleep on call, particularly after a long day or week. if he sleeps, you make sure you screenshot his sleeping face and start a picture collection  

✧ you hit him up when you get drunk lMAO

✧ “daiichiii, i miss youuu, i needdd youuuu AND i needa peeee---” “hey daichi, this is y/n’s friend. y/n’s pretty out of it now but they’ll be okay! we’re heading back to our place right now” “im gonna pEE IN THIS CAR”

✧ daichi coordinates with your friends to make sure you arrive home safely, use the bathroom, and get tucked into bed. he thanks the universe you have good friends. if it weren’t for them he’d probs have a heart attacc. sends you cute, reassuring voice messages for you to wake up to the next morning with hangover tips he learned from suga

✧ always checks in with you throughout the day, every day. able to pick up on the slightest hints if you’re feeling unwell and calls you immediately to try to make you feel better

✧ makes plans to visit you! you get really excited to introduce him to your college friends (who, after meeting him, tell you not only is he a hottie but is such a kind guy, fosho a keeper. they also ask if he has any cute friends)

✧ either holding your hand or has an arm around you most of the time.

✧ you spend all day together outside and wandering the city, then spend the night back at your place (sorry roommate, but we’re gonna have to kick you out for a lil bit--)    

sugawara

✧ you finally secured a job! unfortunately, the company required you to work for a year at their main facility, which was a 4 hour drive away from miyagi

✧ if suga wasn’t needed in miyagi for his teaching job, he would’ve tried to come with you

✧ after unloading your things in your new apartment and before parting ways, suga was like

✧ “everything’s unloaded everything from the car?”

✧ “yes maam”

✧ “do you have enough snacks?”

✧ “we just went to the grocery hun”

✧ “did you bring enough underwear?”

✧ “gDI yEs I dID”

✧ “:c promise to call me often”

✧ “<3333 of course”</p>

✧ good morning texts before y’all leave for work! you send each other cute pictures when you’re getting ready for the day (suga with bedhead, brushing his teeth? suga with his tie half done?? sign me up)

✧ always texts you when something reminds him of you, usually sends a picture along with it

✧ “the store was having a special on oranges today! this one reminds me of you”

✧ “why”

✧ “it just looks so cute~”

✧ will immediately call you if you send him any sort of message that worries him

-“hello? y/n what’s wrong, why is there blood?? speak to me, you haven’t replied in 5 minutes”

✧ “ohhh my bad, i’m just cleaning up don’t worry! i didn’t explain, but the picture i sent you isn’t blood, it’s ketchup i spilled on myself lolol”

✧ poor man nearly fainted from worry

✧ would pay you a surprise visit, making sure to plan it carefully so he knew you weren’t busy with work or plans. brings you gifts of your favorite snacks and a scarf that matches one of his own for the upcoming winter

✧ plans out that weekend for y’all, mans did his research beforehand. together, you toured the city and the surrounding nature, took lots of selfies (and many candids of you), and taste tested lots of foods before returning to your apartment and collapsing into your bed with exhaustion

✧ but y’all not too tired for cuddling n a lil something else >.>

hinata

✧ sure, being a couple hours away was hard for some... but y’all in different countries right now

✧ calls you immediately when there’s any inconvenience that occurs in his life, no matter how minor, thinking you’ll know how to fix it (or at least give him the reassurance he needs)

✧ “hey y/n...”

✧ “what’s wrong? you sound worried”

✧ “i broke my bike, what do i do”

✧ “you what? are you alright?? how? where are you? it’s midnight there, honey”

✧ “i was biking back to my apartment after staying late to practice! i didn’t wanna hit this turtle, so i swerved into a pole and now my bike’s wrecked :**”

✧ “ahh, are you okay?? you’re not hurt are you :(”

✧ “no, im okay... but im tired and i have two miles to go ;(((”

✧ “;( im sorry babe but you gotta walk home. we’ll get you a new bike. ill stay on the phone with you until you get back. tell me about your day <3″</p>

✧ talks about you all the time to his friends! introduces you through video chat to them! “look how pretty and cute y/n is!”

✧ together you work out your time differences and busy schedules so you can chat whenever possible

✧ he lets you know whenever he bought something for you, but never shows it to you because he’s excited to see your reaction in person when you reunite

✧ always asks you to send him pictures of yourself, he wants to see what you look like everyday he’s missing you in real life

✧ you surprise visit HIM. he’s so happy he could cry. shows you around every place he loves, shows you off to everyone he knows, holds your hand the entire time and never wants to let go, is practically glued to you not that you mind  

✧ you spend your last night together lying in the grass, hand in hand, looking at the stars and sharing sweet kisses  

tsukishima

✧ y’all went to separate universities. while he stayed relatively close to miyagi, you went across the country to okinawa, which was about a 3 hour flight away

✧ he sees all the couples around campus n becomes lowkey bitter, texts you immediately about gross pda like hand holding that he secretly wishes he could do with you “these people in relationships are too happy, i didn’t ask to see them gawk at each other all day” “u just miss me lmao”

✧ once overheard a convo on a shuttle at school that went like :

✧ person 1: “ugh, he’s so cute”

✧ person 2: “why dont you go out with him??”

✧ person 1: “i dunno, his dorm’s down the street, i can’t really do long distance”

✧ nANI (by the way, this is a irl conversation my friend overheard, oml)

✧ tsukki nearly choked on his morning coffee

✧ bothers texts you in class bc he’s bored and in need of your attention

✧ “hey tsukki this prof’s lectures are rlly dense, i needa focus, ill text u after”

✧ “but arent i more interesting than rocks”

✧ “trust me, id even rather watch some dino documentaries with you than be here”

✧ *read*

✧ likes to chat with you most nights as he lies in bed before going to sleep, staring up at the dark ceiling and listening to your voice through his headphones. usually just talking about how your days went (as if you weren’t texting all day) or just casual talk and banter

✧ you remind him to make sure he’s taking care of himself and eating well

✧ “who are you? my mother?”

✧ “no but you’re about to be single”

✧ surprise visits you, tells you it was yamaguchi’s idea when it was really his own and yamaguchi was just teasing him about it  

✧ you show him around the city, sharing what you know about its rich history and culture. you visit most areas you both wanted to see before calling it a day

✧ your roommate conveniently spends that night over at their friend’s they just wanna give you alone time, which y’all very much needed. you make it a note to repay your roommate somehow.

✧ sweet lovin that he’s been missing, then some spooning as you sleep    

a/n: just wanna tackle these about 4 characters at a time but if u wanna see this headcanon w/ other characters feel free to hmu w/ an ask <3<b> also sorry if i text type a lot and that im inconsistent with my apostrophes, let me know if that’s something you want me to fix! 

[springfieldblues]

my long ass review for S32E03 Now Museum, Now You Don’t

warning: LONG because i rambled about history more than i thought i would

id been looking forward to this one because i like art history, especially after seeing how they tried their best to stick to historical accuracy in the previous episode I, Carumbus. this time however….they didnt try that hard. i dont know why i thought theyd go through that sort of trouble again LMAO

but its okay, i dont really expect the simpsons to be the paragon of historical accuracy or anything. especially in anthology episodes told through a particular character's lens (in this case, lisa, whos already feverish so whatever)

first i just wanna say that this is, i guess, less of a review and more of an accidental list of history fun facts. so im just gonna get my general thoughts out of the way first.

the episode was fun! to me at least haha. i mean it got me to think and do a lot of research on my own so that must count for something. besides a couple of really weird ones, the jokes were good. anthology episodes tend to be….not that good but i thought this one was one of the better ones so far. idk.

anyway on to lisanardo da vinky its the renaissance! jesus christ the italian accents in the beginning of this segment were annoying as hell but i also feel like that was the joke lmao. ill be real i kind of tuned out for a second there when grampa started rambling so idk what he said.

i told myself i wouldnt get nitpicky with historical accuracy if the jokes were funny (final edit: so that was a lie) but this meh bit with the pizza guys and mascots was really not worth ignoring the fact that its impossible for italy to have any tomato-based food in the 15th century (tomatoes were brought to europe from the americas in the 16th century, and pizza as we know it today—flatbread, cheese, tomato—originated in the late 18th century)

oh this next part was kind of legit tho. lisanardo, like the real leonardo, became andrea del verrochio's apprentice at his workshop. i loved this next bit:

"Whoever paints the sweetest cherub will have the honor of having MY name signed on their work. That's what great artists do!"

SO YEAH as it turns out, lisanardo painted the sweetest cherubs. the painting here is called The Baptism of Christ, and the real leonardo assisted verrochio in finishing it. specifically, he painted the cherubs in the corner.

this causes verrochio to quit and go someplace with less talented people: a music school (yes, verrochio did quit painting after getting owned by young leo and his mad angel painting skills. he never did anything with music tho, he was more of a sculptor)

alongside lisanardo, in mr largo-verrochio's workshop we have barticelli (botticelli bart), dolphatello (donatello dolph), ralphael (raphael...ralph) and mediocrito (no one that i know of. sorry milhouse) (and kearney i guess but they dont refer to him by name). botticelli and donatello are said to have also been apprentices at verrochio's workshop, but raphael came a couple of decades later so he couldnt have been there. and donatello was too old so that claim is a bit questionable. but anyway

it IS true that leonardo's peers envied him, to the point where he was anonymously and purposefully accused of being gay (a major crime punishable by death in 15th century florence) while he was still working at verrochio's workshop

we are then treated by what im pretty sure is the fourth time the show has used 'at seventeen' by janis ian, this time sung by a dejected lisanardo (man they really do keep making yeardley sing these days huh) who only wishes to be appreciated and not envied.

"I'll show them all! I'll show them all in a secret diary that no one will decipher for 400 years!"

some of lisanardo's future inventions. who wouldve known

so after barticelli, for some reason (revenge??? or something?? what was his plan here idgi) steals lisanardo's diaries full of blueprints of her inventions and takes them to mr burns who i have to assume is pope alexander VI here, they decide to use her inventions for war.

"With these, we can kill the most evil people in the world!! ....Slightly different Christians."

leo actually did this of his own accord. im surprised this is what they decided to do with lisanardo instead of talking about leo's love of nature and vegetarianism (not a single mention of that in this episode? come on...) then again, trying to do good only to end up indirectly making things worse is a very standard lisa storyline. i guess they didnt want to miss the chance to have evil pope burns (very fitting, especially for that era since they were all about money and controlling the people)

so lisanardo decides to leave for france, unlike the real leonardo who was more or less persuaded by his ultimate fanboy king francis I to move to france.

"Lisanardo, I have many questions. Why are you hitting yourself? A nerd says 'what'? And how is it possible that I am rubber and you are glue? Et cetera, et cetera."

that line may seem a little random, like hes just nelson saying nelson things (and i mean, obviously he is) but the real francis also "had an unquenchable thirst for learning, and Leonardo was the world’s best source of experimental knowledge. He could teach the king about almost any subject there was to know, from how the eye works to why the moon shines." so yeah, he did have many questions and lisanardo, finally being appreciated for her intellect, was happy to answer them all. its very interesting how lisa assigned this role to nelson in her retelling of da vinci’s life :^)

and so she lived the rest of her days in france, nat king cole's 'mona lisa' plays because duh, and they make a da vinci code reference because duh. and the segment ends. and not a single time did they show the actual mona lisa painting. the fuck?

(ngl i was fully expecting bart to say 'leonardo da vinky' for a second here)

so this next segment is about french impressionist painters, most likely the batignolles group, a name adopted by the early representatives of impressionism. its much more vague than the lisanardo segment since no one here is referred to by name (except moe, more on him in a sec) but i dont feel like it really matters in this case. bart is prrrrooobably claude monet but its hard to say, this segment is kind of a mish-mash of a lot of things. also i gotta say i really liked how lisa introduced the story to bart with an 'if you hate the formal study of art' and not 'if you hate art' because thats exactly my headcanon. i LOVE the concept of artist bart and whenever its referenced it just makes perfect sense to me.

anyway the segment opens in 1863 at the école des beaux-arts (back then it was actually known as the académie des beaux-arts), preserver of traditional french art styles. skinner reviews his students’ paintings one by one. praises the plain, unimaginative paintings depicting your typical european countryside landscapes. very run-of-the-mill (haha get it...cuz theres….a windmill) (although the real académie didnt approve of such basic stuff, they wanted artists to draw epic historical and mythological scenes) then he gets to barts painting and he gives him an F- because the painting made him think.

(the paintings in this scene arent real famous paintings as far as i know but they are inspired by real paintings enough to get the point across)

in comes barney dressed as bacchus as a model for the students to sketch, which i just loved:

barney: “You prefer robe open or robe off?” skinner: “Just cover your privates with this walnut shell.” barney: “Whoa!!! So roomy!”

skinner gasps in horror at bart’s sketch, which “looks nothing like him” and bart explains that “it shouldn’t; we’re making the art that we feel because we can’t compete with a camera.” damn, you go bart. take that, realism. draw what you feel!!

(also no, you didnt need to hold still for 17 hours for a daguerreotype. 30 min tops.)

nelson haw-haw of the week: FOIE-gras!

so here they are at the moulin rouge (“enjoy it before baz luhrmann ruins it” hey shut up. i love that movie), which wouldnt be built for another 26 years, but it is the most widely known gathering place for bohemians in the public consciousness so i can understand why they went with the moulin. nelson delivers this anachronistic line:

“This époque keeps getting beller and beller!”

which alludes to la belle époque, the golden age of france usually dated from 1880 to 1914. made me snort so ill let that slide

and heres moe! as henri de toulouse-lautrec, who was actually born a year after the year this segment is set in. yo moe szyslak he was just 1

toulouse-moetrec introduces himself as the chronicler of the demimonde (not an actual job). an iconic figure associated with the moulin rouge (largely due to his affinity for alcohol and prostitutes), toulouse-lautrec was also a painter, having illustrated a series of posters for the moulin himself. he simply had to be in this segment, anachronisms be damned, just because they decided to include the moulin. cant have one without the other.

and yes he did have a walking cane where he kept his liquor.

i love how everyone drinks absinthe in this place. theyre bohemians what else would they drink

toulouse-moetrec points out that barts paintings are the greatest thing hes ever seen (and hes seen like five things!) and that hes a genius. milhouse realizes that they should stop doing what the teacher says and use their own minds to instead...start doing what bart says lmao. to the easels!

next we have skinner hyping up chalmers about the art his students made for the salon de paris, an art exhibition that the emperor of france will attend. he assures him that none of these paintings will encourage debate, provoke thought or be out of place at a dentist’s office. when they unveil the art, theyre both SHOCKED at how scandalous the paintings actually are.

this reaction was kind of accurate. impressionism was severely rejected at the salon de paris, due to paintings not looking finished enough to them, they thought they were ugly and vulgar for depicting nudity in a contemporary setting (historical and mythological nudity was fine). these impressionist paintings were sent to the salon de refusés, which is. yeah. the place where they sent the rejects. the salon de refusés does not make an appearance but this scene makes a reference to it when the artists get expelled from the royal salon. also:

“What about our student loans?” “Oh they’ll be refunded. We are not barbarians, I mean, come on.”

(god if only)

so the painters are down because they want the emperor to actually see their paintings. toulouse-moetrec pipes in once again with an idea.

“There is one thing the emperor loves more than anything.” “France?” “No, he hates France.”

apparently the emperor really loves cheese, which makes sense since its napoleon III (who loved cheese) and homer (who loves cheese.) so the painters roll into the salon inside a giant wheel of cheese (obviously.) as lenny said, “Eh, you know French cheese. Very runny.” napoleon III chases after the wheel into a room, where the wheel falls apart after getting chomped on by the emperor. now that they got his attention, the painters proudly show the emperor their impressionist art, which he couldnt be more indifferent about because he just wants to eat his cheese dammit, and he awards them with the royal medallion just to kind of get them out of his way. skinner immediately starts kissing ass (as he does) until marge’s like ‘hey wait a minute. you expelled these students from the royal salon’ and an executioner immediately starts ominously measuring skinners neck.

“Uh, sir...is your tongue sticking out because you’re dead or because you’re mad at me?”

and thats the end of that lmao (gore in this episode, gore in the last episode, and next week we’re getting gore too cuz its THOH, what the hell is goin on)

we get a short intermission with maggie, who wants a story for her too! lisa tells her that renaissance artists loved to put babies in their paintings, especially baby angels.

here she is showing her The Triumph Of Galatea by raphael:

King David Playing The Harp by peter paul reubens:

and a very simplified version of pretty much any depiction of hell by hyeronimus bosch lmao:

not much else to say about this one, really. but i really liked that sky!

the last segment is about frida kahlo and diego rivera. or as bart puts it ‘the one about a fat guy whos wife is too good for him.’ i was REALLY looking forward to this one because i love frida and i thought itd be a cool opportunity for animators to go bonkers and do really cool shit with her art as inspiration…..but the segment is not about frida, its about diego and his selling out to capitalism. and its also yet another story with homer and marge drama. no funky cool animation here. sigh i guess i’ll take it

the story begins in 1929 at la casa azul, frida’s home (now museum dedicated to her life and work.) frida and diego are getting married. this courtyard definitely did not look this way yet back in 1929. also theres something very cringy yet funny about lovejoy saying spanish words the way he does, i honestly cant decide how i feel about that one

the writers know theyre being cringy with their gringoness so they go along with it.

moe: “Spanish for ‘best wishes’!” mel: “Spanish for ‘congratulations’!” bumblebee man: “Spanish for ‘muy bueno’!”

OH YEAH BUMBLEBEE MAN this is his new voice actor, eric lopez! hes not mexican but its still great to finally have a latino actor voicing a latino character and hes very excited to be part of the show so i hope to hear more of him!! im rooting for him

el barto/zorro makes an appearance which i am very confused about. he has jack shit to do with frida and diego and mexico in the 20s-30s. el zorro was set in the spanish california of the early 19th century. their use of the original theme song makes me think they just wanted to flex their disney privileges tbh

lets not talk about that that whole scene was bad

anyway diego announces he and frida are going to new york, without even asking her first. frida is obviously pissed.

“Don’t worry, as a woman, you’ll be treated with much more respect in America.”

so in new york, diego is having a bit of a business meeting with mr burns as one of the members of the rockefellers, who is commissioning him to draw a mural for the rockefeller center. its kinda funny how he refers to him and frida as socialists even though they were very much communists lmao its okay you can say it. ok so far, but then frida says ‘yes, we hate the capitalists! right now, a young socialist is being born who will take them down! mr. bernie sanders. i hope hes quick about it’ and that was a simple enough joke and couldve been left at that but then its immediately followed by this weird as fuck family guy-esque cutaway gag to bernie as a baby:

“Getting a cootie shot should not cost your lunch money. And if you don’t listen to me, listen to the Bernie Babies! What? Everybody’s got goons.” *larger babies start beating up this other baby* “I disavow that, and welcome it.”

this confused me so much that i had to ask one of my american friends to help me understand, but even she was like ‘uhhh yeah thats a weird joke,’ especially now that hes been out of the race for months (then again these episodes take almost a year to produce. i guess they couldnt be bothered to replace it with something more relevant.) whatever that was weird and confusing and unfunny moving on

frida is pretty irked that diego is going through with this deal. after all, it goes against everything they believe in. im not sure how the real frida felt about diego doing the mural, but she did feel a bit of rage during her visit to the united states, especially the obvious disparity between rich and poor. she hated having to interact with capitalists and found americans very boring. in this segment, frida seems to be acting more like the american communist party, which diego got kicked out of for accepting commissions from wealthy patrons. in any case, frida is pretty upset about this whole thing.

and finally we get the first and only kind of surreal frida moment. kinda. maybe. its more cartoonish than anything but im desperate ok

interesting how they felt like they had to add a “don’t smoke” in big letters after showing patty and selma flying away on their giant cigarettes. i wonder if this is something theyre making them do now? i remember hearing something about them toning down patty and selma’s smoking

diego comes home to frida, drunk as hell, followed by the marx brothers. i cant believe they didnt make a marxism joke come on it was RIGHT THERE. THE MARX BROTHERS. KARL MARX. COME ON

frida paints her feelings.

this makes diego realize that frida is a genius and he is not half the artist she is. he proclaims he will now show his awe of her by sleeping with other women, starting “an hour ago.” to which frida replies, “and i will start sleeping with other women, starting two hours ago.” yes this was pretty much their relationship. though im just wondering how the hell did diego not know frida was this kind of artist until now? i know homers an idiot but jeez. art was how frida and diego met, diego knew from the get-go that frida was an incredible artist. i guess the fame got to his head or something. again, homer just being stupid.

“well enough already, while the art is still deco, okay?”

its time for the mural diego painted, Man At The Crossroads, to be unveiled:

rockefeller examines it. good and great so far, and then...uh oh

“Who’s that fellow…? With the beard, and the bolshevik smile…” “That’s the founder of Soviet Russia, Lenin!”

“B-b-but he’s a communist!” “Oh he just attended a couple of meetings.”

rockefeller will not have this communist in the temple to capitalism that is the rockefeller center, so he orders diego to paint over it. diego stands his ground and refuses. despite rockefeller’s threats, diego says that theres only one person he wants to be proud of him no matter what and in true homer & marge fashion, frida is touched by this. they happily leave the rockefeller center.

now, the real story of Man At The Crossroads and the rockefeller center was actually not that different. as soon as the rockefellers found out diego had snuck in a portrait of lenin into the mural, they ordered him to paint over it, to which he refused. diego even offered to include abraham lincoln and even american abolitionists in the mural as a compromise, but the rockefellers simply did not want any references to communism whatsoever. they did not complain about the hammer and sickle, though. yes, they did know diego was a communist and hired him anyway. what did they expect? lmao. diego said:

"Rather than mutilate the conception [of the mural], I shall prefer the physical destruction of the conception in its entirety, but preserving, at least, its integrity."

so they decided to destroy the mural before it was even finished and they never talked to each other again.

diego then repainted the mural at the palacio de bellas artes back in mexico, this time known as Man, Controller of the Universe. this new version included even more communist leaders and a depiction of john d. rockefeller jr. drinking at a nightclub, right underneath a depiction of syphilis bacteria. cue nelson haw-haw:

this was the version they used in the episode also, since the original was, well, never finished and also destroyed. only a black and white photograph of it exists, taken by diego before it was destroyed so he could remake it.

right so, homer!diego then pulls a Barthood and finishes the episode with a large mural summarizing the entire episode. he says some rick and morty thing i didnt get because i dont watch the show idk idc

the end

ALRIGHT NOW ITS TIME FOR THE STORY OF VINCENT VAN MOE

[crygimethydgoode]

Lover’s Fantasia Chapter 4 (Crystal Methyd x Gigi Goode RPDR12) New York

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32286397/chapters/80839384

Summary: February 2020 brings Crystal and Gigi to Las Vegas for the season 12 premiere, and New York City for press week. Meanwhile in Amsterdam, Crystal and Gigi are learning to trust each other again. 

but for you darling id do it all again

July 9th, 2021

Amsterdam

“You know... a year ago I would’ve killed for this with Crystal,” Gigi whispered on FaceTime with Symone.

“Oh, believe me, I know,” Symone laughed, and Gigi couldn’t help but smile.

“But it’s... it’s not what I thought it would be like. You know?” Gigi asked. Symone just cocked her head, waiting for her to continue. “The little weekends we had together were so desperate and fleeting. We felt like we had to make the most out of every minute because that’s all we had. But now we... well- it feels like we have all the time in the world here. And we’re just... taking our time. Becoming friends again. I think... trusting each other again. I don’t know. There’s no pressure. It’s just us in Amsterdam. It’s nice,” Gigi explained. “Don’t tell Hunter,” she added, and Symone started to laugh.

“Oh you know I won’t! You could tell him though. He won’t be mad,” Symone said.

“I know,” Gigi sighed. “He’d just be… I don’t wanna worry him.  I’ll tell him when there’s something to actually tell him, you know? Right now, me and Crystal are just learning to exist together.”

“Right,” Symone nodded. “Well, Rosy and I are happy for you. We’re glad you’re getting a second chance. And you know Gigi, while being with Crystal again isn’t what you imagined, that might be a good thing. Maybe this will be even better.” Symone said softly, and Gigi hated that her chest ached, hated that her stomach was fluttering. Hated that she felt hopeful again for something with Crystal. When she voiced this to Symone, she was met with a sympathetic smile.

“I can’t imagine how confused you must be. I mean- you two have a lot of history. A lot of shit you’ve gotta work through. And that’s okay. Okay?” Symone tried to stay positive, smiling sweetly.

“Okay,” Gigi whispered. “I just don’t wanna get my heart broken. Again. You know?”

“I know,” Symone said softly, and there were tears in both of their eyes. Old habits die hard. “You look out for yourself. Always put your happiness and well-being first, always. You’re too smart, too strong, too beautiful. You are Gigi Mothafuckin Goode! You’ve got this baby.”

“I’ve got this,” Gigi’s voice cracked, and she swore there were happy tears in her eyes. “I miss you,” she whispered. “Anyways. Crystal, Jaida, and I are going to a sexy leather club tonight, so I’ve gotta go. I love you, bye!” Gigi hung up and started to get ready for the night.

Apparently, Jaida had found a section in Michelle’s Amsterdam guidebook talking all about these gay bars where everyone was clad in leather and heavy piercings, and she insisted on everyone going. Michelle declined, using the time to FaceTime with her husband and daughters, who would hopefully be coming to visit soon. Gigi was hesitant to accept as well, but Crystal and Jaida were both so excited, and she didn’t wanna miss out. Besides, the guys will be sexy, Gigi will be drunk, and Crystal will be... Crystal. Why not?.

So Gigi got ready and went down to the coffeeshop to wait for Crystal and Jaida, hovering by the door. Then she felt her phone buzzing and looked down to see Jaida calling her.

“Hello?” Gigi said into the phone. She immediately had to pull it away from her ear, the pounding music was so loud.

“GIIIIIGIIIIII IM DRUNK!” Jaida screamed, and Gigi let out a small laugh.

“I can hear that,” she chuckled.

“I'M STILL GONNA COME TO THE LEATHER BAR, BUT NOT FOR ANOTHER LIKE... HOUR AND... LIKE AN HOUR AND A... NOT MORE THAN TWO HOURS! I DON'T KNOW! I’LL MEET YOU THERE, I PROMISE! I LOVE YOU!” Jaida yelled, and hung up without getting a response from Gigi.

“Okay then,” Gigi said to no one, putting her phone back in her pocket.

“What?” Crystal said, coming down the stairs. Gigi tried not to look at her for too long, admiring her mullet that had been piled into a messy bun on her head.

“Jaida is at some club, she’ll meet us in a couple hours,” Gigi explained, giving Crystal a knowing grin. “I like the hair, by the way. Very main character of you,” she couldn’t help but add, and her grin only got wider when Crystal let out a loud laugh, leading them outside.

“I want my look to scream ‘my mom sold me to be One Direction’s sex slave’, you know?” Crystal quipped as they began to walk down the bustling Amsterdam street.

“‘Ello luv, I’m Harry. We can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Gigi said in her best Harry Styles voice, and they laughed the rest of the way to the club, reminiscing about all the shitty One Direction fanfiction they read in 2012. And then they arrived at the club, and Gigi’s smile immediately fell from her face. “Oh,” she whispered. “This place looks...” she trailed off.

“Scary,” Crystal said, and Gigi quickly agreed. The place in Michelle’s guidebook had unfortunately closed due to COVID-19. So Crystal looked up “Leather gay Amsterdam” on Google and they just walked to the first address. But Google maps took them down three different narrow side alleys, into a side of town neither of them had been to. The street was dimly lit, and Gigi couldn’t help but feel like Harry Potter in the second movie, walking past all the dark wizards in Knockturn Alley. Weird example. It was scary. “So should we- should we go in?” Crystal asked, voice small.

“I guess,” Gigi replied, completely unsure of herself. And so they went into the bar together. Once they got through security and were inside, the first thing Gigi was able to process was the music pounding through her ears, making the floor vibrate. The second thing Gigi noticed was Crystal tightly clinging to her, and Gigi knew she was holding Crystal back just as tight.

“Are you okay?” Crystal yelled into Gigi’s ear. The music was so loud, Gigi could still hardly hear her. “Do you feel safe? We can leave if you want to,” Crystal said, and if Gigi weren’t so scared, her heart would’ve melted.

“Do you want to leave? Are you okay?” Gigi asked.

“I’m asking YOU if YOU’RE okay,” Crystal retorted, and now they were both smiling, despite the glowering man who was standing in the corner of the room with a whip.

“Well, I’m okay. Are YOU okay?” Gigi asked.

“Yes! I’m good. If you’re fine, I’m fine,” Crystal said and held out her hand. Gigi took it, putting on her bravest face. They decided to go to the bar, knowing they wouldn’t get through the night sober. Three tequila shots and two Rum and Cokes each later, Crystal and Gigi were getting less and less nervous about the club. Everyone was actually really nice, and the bartender was funny and knowledgeable about all things Amsterdam. Needless to say, Gigi was actually enjoying her night. Until some ripped, picture perfect dreamboat came up besides Crystal, immediately starting to chat her up, complimenting her hair and outfit, and- no way he just had the audacity to comment on her ass in those jeans. And Crystal was- fucking blushing. Great. Gigi sat rigid at the bar, staring directly at the wall ahead of her, refusing to look in Crystal’s direction. Gigi knew she had no claim over Crystal, knew Crystal had every right to be flirting with this guy. But it didn’t mean Gigi had to be happy about it. And then she heard the dreaded words.

“So... Can I buy you a drink?” The man asked Crystal. Gigi could feel Crystal’s eyes on her, knew that she could see the way Gigi’s shoulders had tensed up, the way Gigi was waiting with bated breath to see what Crystal would say.

“Oh uh... no thanks. I’m good with my friend here. It was nice meeting you though! Have a good night,” Crystal said kindly but firmly. The dude stalked off, but Gigi remained staring at the wall, trying to seem disinterested in everything. She could hear Crystal saying something, but pretended not to hear, instead drinking some random hard cider that the bartender put in front of them. “Gigi!” Crystal exclaimed, nudging her shoulder.

“Wha...?” Gigi said, trying to act clueless, faking a yawn. But she knew. “Did your boy toy leave?” Gigi asked nonchalantly, and Crystal was trying to hold back her laughter, and utterly failing. “Shut up,” Gigi giggled, and they were both laughing now, drinks in hand. “I’m surprised you rejected him. He was hot,” Gigi said once she was able to collect herself. Crystal gave her a funny look, slowly sipping her drink.

“Gigi... with everything going on... how could I be interested in him?” Crystal asked, and what the fuck did that mean? Maybe it meant that they were too busy in Amsterdam to worry about hooking up with random Dutch dudes. Or maybe it meant that Crystal wasn’t looking for anything like that with anyone, and she was just trying to focus on herself this summer.

Or maybe, just maybe, it meant that Crystal still wanted Gigi. Maybe Crystal wasn’t going to break her heart after all. Or maybe they were both just drunk and Gigi was reading into things too much. She never got the chance to ask that night, because right then, Jaida ran up to Crystal and Gigi, obviously plastered.

“HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY BITCHES!”

February 2020

Las Vegas

“We’re in Vegas bitches!!!” Jan screamed. Everyone cheered along with her. Finally, season 12 of Drag Race was premiering and the whole cast was reunited in Vegas. It also just so happened to be the first time Gigi saw Crystal since November.

“I’m trying to get over her, I am,” Gigi said to Hunter one day after scrolling through old pictures and videos of her and Crystal in L.A.

“You set yourself up for failure, Geege. You’re not gonna get over Crystal if you’re driving to Venice Beach with her at three in the morning.” Hunter was right. Gigi was trying to get over Crystal, but deep down, she didn’t want to. Because why would she want to? After all, Crystal was… Crystal.

“Well it’s not like I can avoid her, she’s one of my best friends and-” Gigi paused, biting the inside of her cheek. “And when I’m with her all my common sense just goes out the window,” Gigi felt Hunter’s stare but didn’t look up at him.

“When do you have to see her next?” Hunter asked.

“The premiere, in Vegas,” Gigi said, heart dropping just thinking about seeing Crystal again.

“Great. I’ll come with you,” Hunter said.

“What?”

“I’ll come with you, I will come babysit you and make sure you don’t do anything dumb like sneak out of the hotel in the middle of the night and walk the strip with Crystal,” Hunter explained. “I also just really want to go to Vegas.” Gigi was offended at first, she could take care of herself, but then she realized it truly wasn’t the worst idea.

“Okay,” Gigi agreed. And so the two boarded their plane to Vegas.

“What are you not going to do?” Hunter asked as they walked to the restaurant everyone was meeting at on the Vegas strip.

“I’m not going to do anything that could make me fall for Crystal-”

“Gigi!” Just then Widow, Heidi, and Crystal, who were also walking towards the restaurant from the opposite direction, spotted Gigi and Hunter. Everything Hunter had told Gigi on the plane ride left Gigi’s head because there was Crystal.

There was Crystal, who was running to Gigi, completely leaving Heidi and Widow in the dust. And Gigi couldn’t see anything else but Crystal, running towards her at full speed as Gigi felt her feet start running towards Crystal too. They collided, and the world was suddenly screaming in color once again.

“I missed you,” Crystal whispered, and Gigi melted into the hug. Hunter couldn’t even be mad at Gigi, he just ran up and pulled Crystal into a hug of his own before they all entered the restaurant together.

But now they were on the party bus, with all of the girls from season 12. Gigi sat between Hunter and Crystal, which sort of felt like having an angel and a devil on each shoulder. She wasn’t sure who was which.

It didn’t take long for Crystal and Gigi to slip into their old ways. Sitting together, Crystal’s shoulders and legs pressed against Gigi’s, both of them giggling messes. “Canoodling” is what Jackie had called it when she would tease them in the vans.

“Why am I not surprised?” Jackie joked, pointing a finger at Crystal and Gigi, who both were blushing. Hunter gave Gigi a subtle nudge.  

‘You’re setting yourself up for disaster’ she reminded herself.

“Crystal, why didn’t you bring Paul? We’re all dying to meet him,” Jan said. Gigi clenched her jaw, Hunter gave her a look. Crystal let out an awkward chuckle.

“Someone had to stay home and watch Tictak,” Crystal said.

“Don’t your parents live in the same town? Couldn’t they watch your cat?” Jaida said, stirring her drink.

“Uhm-”

“Alright ladies, we all know Paul is really shy, let's move on,” Widow said. Crystal let out a sigh of relief.

“I agree because I have a few more questions for you two,” Jaida continued, crossing her legs and turning to Crystal and Gigi. Gigi felt as if they were being interrogated. “We all know you had your get together in November. We all saw you two cuddling in the back of those vans, or in the Werkroom, or the green room. We just wanna know if there’s a little something going on, that’s all,” Jaida said. Gigi’s breath hitched in the back of her throat. Luckily, Hunter jumped in.

“Believe me, I was with these two in LA. The only thing they did was try not to fall while dancing,” Hunter joked. Everyone started laughing and Gigi hoped that was the end of it all.

Of course, it wasn’t.

“So you guys haven’t even like... kissed or anything?” Jan asked.

“You meddling fuckin kids,” Widow murmured under her breath. Gigi’s face was burning, could they tell? They could definitely tell.

“No?” Crystal said.

“Kiss...kiss...kiss...” Rock M. started chanting. Fuck. Dahlia, Nicky, and Aiden joined in. Of course, Brita, the loudest one there, had to start too. Suddenly everyone was chanting “kiss” like they were in high school and playing spin the bottle. Gigi looked at Crystal, ready to spill out an apology and say they didn’t have to kiss. But much to Gigi’s surprise, Crystal was laughing along with them.

She looked at Gigi and shrugged. Gigi looked back at Hunter who gave her the look he always gave right before she was about to do something dumb. He was clutching Gigi’s arm, his eyes screaming “Don’t you fucking dare,” Gigi just looked back at Crystal, a grin on her face. Gigi removed Hunter’s hand from her wrist, and grabbed Crystal by the waist.

“OH FUCK THEY’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT!” Heidi cackled. Crystal put her hand on Gigi’s face, leaned in, and kissed Gigi. It was soft, light, and utterly perfect despite being surrounded by their season 12 sisters. The kiss lasted a second too long, lingering. Lighting coursed through Gigi, who couldn’t even hear the eruption of cheers, she just fought the urge to kiss Crystal again. Crystal pulled away, giggling but blushing. Jan, Jaida, and Jackie waved their fingers together in the middle of the bus. Gigi could feel Hunter’s pointed stare but didn’t care all that much because she just kissed Crystal Elizabeth Methyd. And god, it was fucking magical and the only thing Gigi wanted to do for the rest of her life. Crystal buried her head in the crook of Gigi’s neck, face burning.

“That’s Vegas, baby!”

Amsterdam

“This is the best idea I’ve ever had!” Crystal giggled, walking through Jaida’s apartment door with all of her and Gigi’s makeup. After passing around a bottle of Dutch Gin, Crystal suddenly suggested that she and Gigi do Michelle’s makeup, each of them getting 1/2 of Michelle’s face.

“Y’all have fun, I’m gonna keep dancing!” Jaida cackled as she danced to the non-existent music. “I fuckin love this song!” Gigi just laughed, mind extremely foggy. She hadn’t drunk that much, had she? The bottle was passed so many times she lost track around her fifth swig. All Gigi knew was that Crystal was glowing. She had been staring at her all night, and really didn’t mind if Crystal noticed. Who cares? Gigi was in Amsterdam, and the only voice of reason in her life was time zones away.

“Okay! Michelle, I am going to do the classic Crystal Elizabeth Methyd face. Gigi?” Crystal prompted, a wild grin on her face.

“I’m... I’m gonna make you orange,” Gigi giggled, pouring out way too much foundation onto the back of her hand. “Shit.” Gigi just smeared it onto Michelle’s face. “Hope you don’t like that shirt too much.”

“My turn!” Crystal took her foundation stick and began to smear it all over Michelle’s face. Michelle couldn’t hold back her laughter.

“How were you two the runners up?” She laughed, causing everyone to start laughing.

“Because Ru is obsessed with me and Gigi is talented,” Crystal giggled.

“Hey! You’re both talented. My daughters came for my fucking head when I read you for your makeup,” Michelle said.

“Oh shit you're a mom, that’s right! What’s that like?” Jaida asked, now dancing with a houseplant.

“Well, it’s a pain in the ass. But I like to think my two girls turned out okay,” Michelle laughed. “No, it’s rough. You know I’m honest...”

“We know!” Jaida, Crystal, and Gigi all said.

“Shut up you bitches! As I was saying, it sucks sometimes. You try to know what’s best for them when in reality half the time you don’t know what’s best for yourself. One day everything’s fine and the next they hate you, and you don’t even know what you did wrong. And all you can do is replay your conversations in your head trying to figure out what you could’ve possibly said to strike a nerve like that. But it’s worth it, you know? I love my daughters more than anything, they truly are my world. It’s worth it,” Michelle said, and Gigi wasn’t even paying attention to what makeup she was doing on Michelle. She was watching Crystal, who was smiling softly while listening to Michelle talk about her daughters.

“And of course, my husband is the fucking best. Seriously, I could not do it without him. He’s the cool dad. Like, when the girls don’t want to talk to me they’ll go complain to him and he’ll try to explain it all to them, that I probably wasn’t trying to be a bitch. I’ll go to them, I’ll apologize, and we’ll move on. The same thing with my husband. It’s not worth it to linger on petty little fights, it’s not, because what’s the point? You’re mad at me, I’m mad at you, then we never talk about it? I hate that shit.” Gigi desperately tried not to look at Crystal, heart in her throat. “It’s a waste of time ladies, don’t stay mad at the people who matter the most. Especially when you’re supposed to be raising two teenagers with that person,” Michelle laughed. Gigi looked over at Crystal against her better judgment. Gigi had never wanted kids, ever. Mostly because she wasn't sure if she would ever find the right person to have kids with. But as Gigi watched Crystal gently blend Michelle’s makeup, being as careful as possible to not get it in her eyes, it didn’t seem like the craziest idea. Gigi added that to the list of things NOT to tell Hunter when she called him tomorrow. She focused back on doing Michelle’s makeup, which didn’t look all too bad, mostly because Gigi was drunk.

“Gigi, what the fuck are you doing to Michelle’s face?” Jaida asked. Gigi hadn’t realized, but she heavily contoured Michelle using an orange eyeshadow. Her eyes were orange, her cheeks were orange, her lips were orange- Michelle was basically completely orange.

“I-Uhm- I did the Crystal Methyd... Method, if you will and tried to be a little more abstract,” Gigi tried to defend the monstrosity that was Michelle’s makeup.

“She looks like Donald Trump!” Crystal giggled.

“Am I really drunk or does Crystal’s side actually look good?”

“Oh Jaida, I have done my makeup drunk so many times, it’s easy,” Crystal said.

“Okay, well, can y’all be done? I’m getting tired of dancing alone, this houseplant can only make me feel so much,” Jaida said. And so they all got up and danced with Jaida, sans music. And when Crystal wrapped her arms around Gigi’s neck, and Gigi held Crystal by the waist, swaying side to side, she couldn’t fight back her smile.

“What?” Crystal asked, a smile also growing on her face.

“Nothing, c’mere,” Gigi whispered, her hand finding its way into Crystal’s curls. Her phone buzzed. Hunter.

“Tell Hunter to shut up,” Crystal chuckled. So Gigi put her phone in the empty coffee pot, not sure what else to do. She returned to Crystal’s side after a moment, who was looking out Jaida’s window at the shining street below them. And Gigi knew better than to reach out and grab Crystal’s hand, but she did. And a certain line was crossed. A line Gigi was desperately trying to avoid crossing. A line that Gigi had blurred before, a line that maybe had always been blurred. There was no coming back from this, there never was, was there? Crystal squeezed Gigi’s hand.

“I don’t know if I can walk up all those stairs,” Crystal whispered.

“If...if we crawl into Jaida’s bed... maybe she’ll go crawl into ours,” Gigi suggested.

“Gigi Goode. You’re a genius.” And so they tiptoed across the living room, as if Jaida wasn’t only a few feet away, and crawled into her bed. Gigi pulled the covers over their heads, hoping Crystal couldn’t see her blushing. “Goodnight,” she murmured.

“Goodnight,” Gigi said, but neither of them made any move to go to sleep just yet.

“Gigi?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember your first night in New York? With Jan and Jackie?” Crystal asked. Gigi tried to make out her expression in the darkness.

“Yeah. Yeah, I remember,” Gigi whispered.

“Yeah, me too. I miss it.” Crystal rolled over, leaving Gigi with nothing yet everything to say. Gigi sat there for a moment, not sure if she had struck a nerve, or hurt Crystal in some way.  But then Crystal grabbed Gigi’s arm, lacing it around her waist, lines blurred.

February 2020

New York City

Hunter had suggested that Gigi fly into New York later at night.

“Why?” Rosy asked.

“Because if you fly in later, you won’t have to see Crystal-” Hunter began to explain.

“Why wouldn’t she want to see Crystal?” Symone chimed in.

“I just think it’s best that you try to see Crystal as little as possible during press week,” Hunter said.

“But... but why?” Rosy asked again. Gigi watched as Hunter grew more and more frustrated.

“Because when Gigi is with Crystal she does dumb shit like kissing her,” Hunter shot Gigi a piercing look. He still hadn’t dropped it. Gigi couldn’t really blame him though, she never did listen to Hunter.

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing,” Rosy butted in. “Please explain to me how that’s a bad thing.”

“Because Crystal has a boyfriend-”

“Okay! I’ll fly in later, it’s fine,” Gigi interrupted, desperately wanting to end the conversation. Besides, there was no reason to start another fight with Hunter after she literally kissed Crystal right in front of him.

And so Gigi arrived at the JFK airport at 10 pm and took an Uber to the hotel. She decided that Hunter was right. It was better that Gigi tried to avoid Crystal as much as possible this week, because every time she saw Crystal in person, it just made her miss her more when they inevitably had to go home.

This was for the best. This was for the best. This was for the -

“Gigiiiiiiii.”

What was that?

“Gigiiiiiiii,” A faint voice called from down the hall. Gigi heard the sound of footsteps running down the hallway.

“Crystal! Slow down!” Another voice called.

Then Gigi heard an all too familiar knock, and her heart was in her throat. And though Gigi knew Hunter would be pissed, she grinned as she ran to the door. She opened the door and there Crystal stood, eyes glossy, cheeks flushed. She was obviously drunk.

“Gigi!” Crystal jumped into Gigi’s arms, Gigi could smell the alcohol on her.

“Hi!” Gigi laughed, holding Crystal close.

“Hello! God, I missed you.”

How many times have they said that to each other now? Countless times over the phone in the dead of night, at the airport, in Vegas.

“I missed you too.”

“Crystal? CRYSTAL?!” Gigi heard someone calling. Moments later, Jan walked by.

“She’s in here, Jan!” Gigi called. Jan entered the room, her frustrated expression immediately disappearing when she saw Crystal and Gigi in their embrace.

“I turned around for one minute and she was asking the front desk what your room number was– She also had three Margaritas,” Jan said, walking into the room. Crystal finally released Gigi from her hug, and Gigi didn’t want to admit how cold she felt. Luckily, Crystal held onto Gigi’s arm, resting her head on her shoulder. “Well! It’s your first night in New York, we oughta do something,” Jan said, plopping down on one of the chairs in the hotel room.

“I could do your makeup!” Crystal giggled. And Gigi felt as all the walls she spent the past three weeks building up crumbled to the floor yet again.

“Oh my god! Jackie was coming to meet us here anyway. She got this god-awful wig yesterday, I’ll have her bring it!” Jan squealed, already whipping out her phone to text Jackie. Okay. This was happening. And Gigi couldn’t be mad about it.

“Fuck it,” she said. Crystal cheered.

“Okay! I’ll go get my stuff!” Crystal ran to the conjoined door in Gigi’s room.

“Is your room next to mine?” Gigi asked.

“Of course, where else would it be?” Crystal giggled. Gigi let out an exasperated laugh. Of course. Moments later, Crystal returned with all her makeup. All. Her. Makeup.

“Jackie is on her way!” Jan announced. Crystal sat Gigi down on the bed, they sat facing each other, legs crossed. Gigi felt her heart pounding as Crystal held Gigi’s face in her hands, smearing on the foundation. Sometimes, Gigi would catch Crystal’s eye as she was blending out her foundation, and Crystal would fight back a smile. Gigi was sober, but she felt light headed. Crystal’s hands gently tilted Gigi’s face in a thousand different directions, before letting out a frustrated sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Gigi asked.

“I can’t get the right angle...” Crystal whined.

“Have her lay down,” Jan tried to offer casually, but Gigi could hear the mischief in her voice.

“Smart! Gigi lay down,” Crystal said. Without thinking, Gigi laid back on the bed. This was fine. Gigi was fine. Crystal Methyd was just inches away from Gigi’s face, leaning over her as she laid in bed. Crystal was still clearly frustrated. “One second, I’m not messing up this eyeliner.” Without any warning, Crystal kneeled on the bed before throwing a leg over Gigi’s torso, straddling her. She lost her balance in the process, so Gigi grabbed the side of her legs to steady her.

“Thanks,” Crystal blushed. Gigi couldn’t find the power to rip her hands away. God, was it only three weeks ago when they kissed on the party bus? Why did it feel so long ago? And why did Crystal keep smiling at Gigi like that? Gigi’s heart was in her throat as she held her breath. She had seen Crystal up close before, of course, but this was so different. Crystal made this funny face when she focused. Her eyes squinting, her lips pressed together tightly, brow furrowed. Gigi found herself grinning without even realizing it.

“What?” Crystal asked, a smile tugging at her lips. Gigi started giggling.

“You make a face when you’re focused, it’s cute,” Gigi admitted, chest burning. She ignored Jan’s gasp from across the room. Gigi had forgotten Jan was even there, sorry Jan.

Crystal sat up straight, placing a hand on Gigi’s chest. Dear God, please let her heart stop pounding.

“Well, you’re making a face too,” Crystal said, leaning in close to Gigi's lips.

“Oh really?” Gigi cocked an eyebrow, “what face am I making?”

“I... I don’t know how to describe it...” Crystal whispered. She was too close.

“Your eyes are shining,” Jan called. Thankfully, someone knocked on the door. Jan ran to let Jackie in.

“Jesus Christ, what did I miss?” Jackie said, seeing Crystal straddling Gigi.

“A lot,” they all responded. Crystal finished up Gigi’s makeup quickly but hesitated before climbing off.

“I have this stunning wig for you!” Jackie waved around the gigantic red wig she had brought. “Okay, done!” she said after pinning the wig. Crystal clasped her hands over Gigi’s eyes and walked her to the mirror. When Gigi saw herself in the mirror, she immediately burst out laughing. Of course, Crystal had painted her like a clown.

“Now we’re both clown queens!!!” Crystal giggled, leaning on Gigi’s shoulder. Gigi’s chest burned, and she saw Jan and Jackie whispering to each other out of the corner of her eye. “Smile Gigi!” Crystal said, snapping a picture and posting it. The four of them ended up spending the night on Gigi’s bed, laughing until 2 am. Crystal fell asleep on top of Gigi, and Jackie and Jan took that as their queue to leave. Gigi didn’t bother to wake Crystal up, just tucking her in under the covers and laying down with her. Gigi’s phone buzzed 3 times.

Hunter : I don’t even know what to say.

Rosy : HAHAHAHAH FUCK HUNTER YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE

Symone : Rosy and Hunter are fighting again. Please come home soon.

Gigi just turned off her phone and tried to sync her breathing with Crystals, wondering where the sun would find them in the morning.

Amsterdam

It was the sun cutting through Jaida’s window that ultimately woke Gigi up. She was instantly greeted with a splitting headache. What happened last night? Why was she in Jaida’s bed? Why was Crystal wrapped in her arms? Gigi saw the empty bottle of Dutch gin on the floor next to the bed. Oh. So that’s what happened last night.

Memories of the night before came flooding back. Jaida and Crystal dancing around the apartment, Crystal and Gigi doing Michelle’s makeup- god, where was Michelle? She probably went to her apartment. It was easier to walk across the hall than up another flight of stairs.

Gigi reluctantly unwrapped her arms from around Crystal and tried to ignore the sudden chills running over her body. It didn’t take long for Gigi to locate her phone which was left in an empty coffee pot. She had a few texts from Hunter but ignored them. He probably wasn’t awake anyway. Gigi desperately searched Jaida’s drawers for anything that could get rid of her awful headache.

“Who needs this many gummy vitamins?” she whispered to herself, pushing bottles to the side. Nothing.

“Gigi...” a groggy voice called. Gigi turned around to see Crystal stretching her arms out towards her. And for a moment, Gigi’s hangover disappeared. She walked back to the bed, sitting down next to Crystal. Crystal wrapped her arms around Gigi, burying her face in Gigi’s neck. And Gigi’s heart dropped, when was the last time she had done that? “Why is it so bright in here?” Crystal murmured into Gigi’s neck.

“Because we’re really hungover,” Gigi chuckled.

“Oh...oh yeah. We are, aren’t we? My head hurts,” Crystal whined. Gigi’s hand found its way into Crystal’s curls.

“I couldn’t find any ibuprofen, and I don’t know if it’s safe to drink the tap water here-”

“The drinking water in Amsterdam is like a delicacy,” Crystal told Gigi.

“How do you know that?”

“I obviously did research before I came here.”

“But you didn’t know that weed was legal?”

“I thought it was illegal in Europe...”

“Holy shit. And you didn’t sneak any-”

“I thought I could do a tolerance break or something. Shut up,” Crystal giggled. Gigi’s hand was still in her hair. Crystal’s arms were still wrapped around Gigi. And in the deep depths of Gigi’s brain, she wished they could just sit like this forever. And then Crystal was looking up at Gigi, a soft smile on her face, and Gigi couldn’t rip her eyes away. “How do you look so pretty hungover?” Crystal asked. Gigi’s heart dropped. She was just hungover, maybe she was even still a little drunk, but Gigi’s face was burning.

“Help...” a voice called.

“Shit. I forgot about Jaida,” Gigi said, immediately standing up. Thank god for Jaida.

“I’m in the bathroom!” Jaida groaned. Gigi and Crystal walked in to find Jaida laying in her bathtub. “I... I think I wanted to go swimming last night but fell asleep trying to turn on the faucet.” Gigi and Crystal both laughed despite their headaches.

“Scoot over,” Gigi said. Jaida made room for Gigi and Crystal to join her in the bathtub. Gigi couldn’t help but blush as she tangled her legs with Crystal’s. Jaida and Crystal both rested their heads on Gigi’s shoulders.

“I’m never drinking again,” Jaida whispered. Gigi scoffed.

“That’s what we said last weekend.” And they all burst out laughing, the cool tile against their backs making the hangover a little more tolerable. Gigi knew in a few minutes she would have to get up and start her day. Gigi and Crystal would have to crawl their way up to their apartments, and it would suck. Gigi would have to call Hunter and lie when he asks if she had been hanging out with Crystal. And Gigi would feel guilty, but not that guilty.

In a few minutes, they would have to get up and start their day, but for now, Gigi just sat sandwiched between Jaida and Crystal, and it was enough. The sound of the door opening snapped them all out of their trance.

“Jaida? Are you dead?” Michelle called.

“We’re in here!” Crystal said. Michelle entered the bathroom, also looking like a complete mess.

“I’m too old to sit in a fuckin tub” Michelle muttered, sitting on the toilet seat again. “We’re never drinking again,” she whispered, and Gigi, Jaida, and Crystal all started laughing.

“Stop making me laugh! It makes my head hurt worse...” Crystal laughed.

“God, Jaida, why did you even have us come to Amsterdam anyway?” Gigi joked.

“It wasn’t even her idea,” Michelle laughed.

“What?”

“Yeah, it was Widow’s idea actually,” Jaida admitted. Gigi’s jaw dropped. Of course.

New York City

The crowd erupted in cheers after Crystal finished performing “Womanizer” by Britney Spears. Gigi was sitting with Widow, who just so happened to bring her dab pen. Needless to say, Gigi was just a little bit fucked up. She and Widow had just returned to their seats after running up to the stage to give Crystal tips, and Gigi couldn’t stop smiling, and Widow could see right through her.

Granted, it wasn’t hard. Gigi could only imagine what she looked like. Starstruck. Crystal had completely entranced her yet again, and it was getting harder and harder to try to cover it up. Crystal ran back to Gigi and Widow, grinning.

“How’d I do?” She asked, trying to catch her breath.

“Absolutely amazing,” Widow said.

“You were fucking radiant, Crystal Elizabeth Methyd,” Gigi giggled, she could feel Widow watching her like she was trying to understand Gigi.

“I know! I just wanted to hear it from you guys,” Crystal said, and then “I’m gonna go to the bathroom to get out of drag, I’ll be right back!”

“Do you need help?” Gigi asked, already standing up, knees wobbling a bit. Shit, maybe Gigi was higher than she thought.

“Not so fast Miss Goode, I want to chat with you a bit,” Widow said, helping Gigi down into her seat. Widow was also crossed, she had bought her and Gigi both a few drinks along with sharing her dab pen. Widow was basically the best.

“Oh-okay,” Crystal said before skipping off to the bathroom. Gigi turned to Widow.

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked, stirring her drink.

“Listen, you’re not fuckin subtle. We all see how you look at Crystal. It’s cute. Jan, Jackie, and Jaida eat that shit up,” Widow started.

“I don’t-”

“Gigi. Don’t even try...” Widow trailed off.

“It’s just a crush,” Gigi whispered, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Widow. “Besides, she has Paul, so it’s kind of hopeless,” she added. Widow shifted and opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, then closed it. Gigi turned to her, pleading for her to say something, anything.

“Look-” Widow began. “Crystal has been a friend to me for many years, I’d like to say I know her pretty well. And... and I’ve met Paul, and he’s a great fucking guy. He’s funny, he’s kind, he treats Crystal well-”

“Yes, this is comforting,” Gigi deadpanned.

“Let me fucking finish,” Widow laughed. “Because Paul... Paul is just Paul. But Gigi, you are just you. ..”

“And Crystal is just... Crystal ,” Gigi breathed, words slurring. Widow nodded slowly.

“There’s something that lights up in her when she talks about you. Believe me, I sat next to that bitch on the plane, she talked more about you during that plane ride than I’ve ever heard her talk about PAUL,” Widow just shook her head while studying Gigi. “I don’t think she even knows it yet, Gigi. I don’t. But she will. She’s going to watch the show back and she’s going to realize it, believe me.” Gigi’s entire body was buzzing, she couldn’t even hear all the thoughts running through her head, the only thing she could make out was Widow’s words

But she will. But she will. But she will.

Just then, Crystal came back from the bathroom.

“Okay, so Gigi I just had the craziest idea. I checked Google maps and it’s only like a thirty minute walk to the Empire State Building!” Crystal said, grabbing Widow’s dab pen and taking a hit.

“Didn’t we literally just go there for press?” Widow asked, raising an eyebrow. Crystal just rolled her eyes, playfully glaring at Widow.

“Yeah...but it’s nighttime. And the city is like...brighter at night... and-”

“Okay, you don’t really have to defend yourself. Have fun ladies,” Widow shot Gigi a subtle wink. “You hold onto that dab pen. Be careful with it though, it’s Sativa.”

“You’re the fucking best! Is that a shot? I’m taking it,” Crystal said, downing a shot Widow had just ordered. “Here!” Crystal reached in her pocket and gave Widow some loose $1 bills. She grabbed Gigi’s hand and practically pulled her out of the bar. They were instantly greeted by the stinging cold. “It’s fine! Just a little chilly!” Crystal said, hugging herself.

“Yeah, we-we will warm up once we start walking,” Gigi said, instantly regretting leaving her jacket at the hotel. Gigi felt bad for Crystal who only had her thin-ass pink bomber jacket. They began their walk to the Empire State Building, passing Widow’s pen back and forth, hoping to breathe some warmth into them. But it only made things worse, because the higher they got, the slower they walked, and the longer they walked the colder they got. Gigi’s teeth were chattering, so were Crystal’s. They tried to have conversations, just to keep their lips warm, but nothing was helping.

“G-g-Google maps says we’re halfway there...” Crystal shivered, stopping to check her phone.

“It’s... it’s 1:30, we left the bar at one... we’ve been walking for half an hour, and we’re only halfway there,” Gigi whispered. “That means we have another half an hour to go,” Crystal just whimpered and put her head in the crook of Gigi’s neck. It was freezing, so why was Crystal’s face burning?

“I don’t think I can make it, Gigi. Can we... Can we just go back to the hotel? We can order room service or something... it’s so fucking cold,” Crystal giggled. Gigi just laughed. “What?” Crystal muttered, Gigi felt her smiling into her neck. She suddenly wasn’t as cold.

“I was really worried you were gonna make me walk all the way,” Gigi admitted. Crystal playfully nudged her, taking out her phone.

“Okay... so there’s a train station a few minutes away... and if we take the... yellow one... uptown? There’s a stop that’s right next to our hotel. Okay.” Gigi should’ve known better than to trust Crystal with directions, but she was so cold she didn’t even think to question it. They found the subway station pretty easily, and it only took them ten minutes to figure out how to buy tickets. Finally, they found themselves waiting on the platform, hands shoved deep into their pockets. “I’m sorry,” Crystal said. Gigi turned to look at Crystal, who was looking at her feet.

“Why?” Gigi asked.

“This was supposed to be a fun night... we were supposed to see all the lights and... it was supposed to be a fun night.”

If only Crystal knew. If only she knew that all the lights in the city couldn’t match the way she shone. That Gigi wouldn’t be able to rip her eyes off of Crystal for even one second if they did make it to the Empire State Building. That Gigi would much rather look at Crystal than a stupid skyline any day. If only she knew.

“Hey,” Gigi said instead, grabbing Crystal’s hand. “It was a fun night, any night with you is fun.” God, that was cheesy. Gigi realized it as soon as it left her mouth. But Crystal was grinning, and Gigi grinned right back.

The platform was pretty much empty, only a few other stragglers like Gigi and Crystal stood waiting for the subway. Suddenly, the platform started buzzing as the sound of the train slowly grew closer and closer before halting in front of them.

Crystal and Gigi were instantly greeted with a comfortable warmth that wrapped them both up. Their subway cart was empty, and Crystal refused to sit down. She tried to keep her balance, gripping onto the poles to steady herself. Crystal's eyes were red and squinted, her glasses were barely staying on her face, and her curls were wild from the wind, and she was a sight to behold. Gigi felt as her heart did somersaults.

But she will. But she will. But she will...

The subway jolted forward, and Crystal nearly fell. And for some reason, that looked really fun to Gigi. So Gigi stood up, and also nearly fell. They both erupted into giggles, and soon they were holding onto each other for support along with the poles. And then they were dancing? Or at least trying to dance despite constantly trying to trip over themselves, and Gigi didn’t even realize every time the subway stopped. When the occasional person entered their train cart, they both held back their laughter, shooting each other mischievous looks. Their faces were close, and they were both just grinning at each other as if they should’ve known better.

“Next stop, Coney Island,” the intercom said. Now, Gigi didn’t know much about New York, but she was pretty positive Coney Island was in Brooklyn.

“Umm Crystal, give me your phone,” Gigi said. Crystal, who hadn’t connected the dots, lazily handed Gigi her phone, circling the pole. Gigi checked Google Maps, they were heading in the opposite direction of the hotel. She looked at the map in their subway cart, praying that she was wrong. Of course, she wasn't.

“Crystal... Crystal I think we took the wrong train,” Gigi muttered.

“No...no we are heading uptown,” Crystal defended.

“Yeah... no. We are heading downtown. Like, way downtown. Crystal, we're in Brooklyn... that’s basically a different state. We’re going in the opposite direction of the hotel,” Gigi explained slowly. Crystal buried her face in her hands.

“Oh god, what do we do?” Fuck. Crystal was crying. But of course she was, she was crossed and she was... well, she was Crystal. Gigi grabbed Crystal’s hands.

“We’re just going to have to get off at Coney Island, and then we will... I don’t know we’ll figure it out.” And so they got off at Coney Island, and Crystal stopped crying, but she didn’t drop Gigi’s hand. Not even when they were greeted by the nipping cold.

“Wow,” Crystal exhaled, looking out on Coney Island. It was a ghost town. Absolutely nobody was there, which made sense considering it was almost March. The orange streetlights aluminized the streets, allowing only enough light to see. They crossed the street together hesitantly, not exactly sure where they were even heading. They just needed to move, they needed their blood to get pumping. Crystal was shivering, it had somehow gotten colder than before. The only fixture they could see clearly was the Wonder Wheel, so they just started walking towards that. They found a bench and tried to ignore the cold as Crystal tried to figure out what subway they had to get on.

“I’m not a big city girl, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Crystal giggled, desperately trying to shed light on their shitty situation. But Gigi wasn’t even annoyed, because she worshipped these stupid little inconveniences with Crystal.

“Let’s just get an Uber,” Gigi shivered. Crystal cupped Gigi’s hands in her own.

“C’mere,” she whispered, breathing hot air onto Gigi’s hands, then rubbing them together. It was such a random gesture, and Gigi wasn’t sure if Crystal was aware she was even doing it, but Gigi melted.

Crystal rested her head on Gigi’s shoulder as Gigi found an Uber who would be there in a few moments, and Gigi wrapped her arms around Crystal when she started to shiver.

“Hey,” Crystal whispered, burying her head in Gigi’s neck. Gigi hummed in response, eyes feeling heavy. “Nothing tonight went to plan,” Crystal giggled, wrapping her arms around Gigi’s torso.

“No... no it didn’t,” Gigi chuckled.

“But I don’t think it matters all that much,” Crystal yawned. Gigi took out Widow’s dab pen and held it out to Crystal, who accepted it, beaming up at Gigi. And there they sat miles away from their hotel, under the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island, holding onto each other for warmth. And though the bitter air was freezing, Gigi had never felt warmer as the words echoed through her head.

‘But she will. But she will. But she will’

Amsterdam

“You will never guess what I just FINESSED for us,” Crystal sang, walking out onto the balcony, holding something behind her back. She had mysteriously left fifteen minutes ago, claiming she had ‘business’ to attend to.

“What?” Gigi asked, slightly scared. Crystal just mischievously smiled at her, leaning against the balcony. “What?!” Gigi laughed, leaning forward in her seat. She watched as Crystal slowly revealed what she was hiding. Jaida’s car keys. “No FUCKING WAY!” Gigi jumped up, crossing to Crystal.

“YES FUCKING WAY!” Crystal exclaimed, and they both began to cheer, Crystal laughing as Gigi let out a loud whoop. She had missed their drives. “But you have to drive. Jaida said I’m not allowed to,” Crystal added, and Gigi burst out laughing.

“Yeah, I think that’s for the best,” she muttered, and they both dissolved into giggles.

“Let’s go!” Crystal tugged on Gigi’s arm, leading her to her apartment. She immediately started running around the room, trying to collect supplies as Gigi tried not to laugh. “Okay so I have some snacks and drinks we can bring- I hate that everywhere closes so early. And I’m bringing my blanket. Because I want to. Oh and I forgot to tell you! Michelle and I went to this vape shop and we bought a dab pen together!” Crystal tossed Gigi the dab pen, but Gigi refrained from hitting it. She cannot drive high.

“Aww it’s cute. Did you name it?” Gigi asked. She grabbed one of Crystal’s totes and started putting the snacks and drinks in. Crystal was still walking around, opening every drawer and cabinet in her apartment as she found everything they might need.

“Well. I wanted to name it fracking. But I don’t think Michelle liked that, so we decided on Madonna. Well- Michelle decided on Madonna,” Crystal answered, grinning at Gigi. And they both burst out laughing, again. The thing about Crystal Methyd is that her joy is contagious. Gigi could revel in it all day, if the universe would let her.

“Alright, do we have everything?” Gigi looked across the room. She had a tote filled with snacks and bottles of water slung over her shoulder. Crystal had another tote with phone chargers, Madonna, a flashlight, and towels? And of course, her huge white fluffy comforter was balled up in her arms.

“Yup. LET’S GO!” Crystal let out a whoop and yanked the door open. They both flew down the narrow steep stairs, feet pounding. Gigi could’ve sworn she heard Jaida yelling “What in the fuck?!” As they passed her door. And then Gigi was in the driver's seat, watching Crystal shove her blanket in the backseat, getting into the car after. “Alright. Are you ready?” Crystal asked, and they both couldn’t stop smiling.

“I’m ready. Where are we going though? Like- can you get directions?” Gigi watched Crystal take out her phone, opening Google Maps.

“Okay... so I know I can’t be trusted with directions, but this doesn’t look too bad. It’s like... one road?” Crystal trailed off.

“I’m trusting you Miss Methyd,” Gigi gave her a warning look. Crystal just laughed, and started the directions.

“Don’t listen to me, listen to Siri,” she told Gigi. And so they started to drive through Amsterdam, towards their destination.

“Where are we even going?” Gigi asked, getting on the highway.

“Miss Gigi Goode, we are GOING TO THE BEACH!” Crystal cheered, and immediately started blasting “ Starships ” by Nicki Minaj. Gigi let out a groan but had to laugh.

“You’re giving me FLASHBACKS!” She yelled, but of course couldn’t hold back from scream-singing along with Crystal. A part of Gigi wished they were driving during the day. She knew the route was taking them through smaller cities in the Netherlands she still wanted to see, like Haarlem. When Gigi voiced this to Crystal, she just looked at her, confused.

“Harlem? Like New York City?” Crystal asked. Love Story (Taylor’s Version) was playing lightly through the car speakers.

“Haarlem like the Netherlands. There’s... there are other places named Harlem,” Gigi chuckled, and Crystal just shook her head, hitting her dab pen.

“Alright don’t act all smart with me, Miss College dropout,” she muttered under her breath. Gigi gasped, turning to look at Crystal in mock horror.

“Crystal you bitch!” Gigi cried, smacking her in the arm. Crystal just giggled, and Gigi knew that stupid high giggle. Suddenly, “ Sedona ” by Houndmouth started playing, and they both perked up in their seats. “Turn it up TURN IT UP!!” Gigi exclaimed, and Crystal leaned forward, cranking the volume all the way up. Gigi rolled down the windows, and the cool summer breeze wrapped around them, whipping through the car. Gigi could feel the bass of the music pounding in her body. And there was Crystal next to her, hair flying in ten different directions, screaming along to Sedona, a wide grin on her face. And Gigi’s chest burned.

After about 45 minutes of driving, Gigi could smell the ocean. She followed Siri’s directions, pulling into the beach’s parking lot. The whole place was completely empty, not a person in sight. Probably since it was 2 AM on a Monday night.

Once Gigi was parked, she and Crystal immediately jumped out of the car.  “GIVE ME MADONNA!” Gigi said as they ran towards the beach together. She took a long hit, exhaling into the night air. Crystal was ripping off her shoes, and before Gigi could think to stop her, she was in the water, up to her knees. At least she was wearing shorts.

“GIGI COME ON!!” Crystal was jumping up and down, holding out her arms for Gigi to join her. And as she jumped in midair, a wave came crashing down, knocking her into the water. Gigi gasped watching Crystal go under, but as she rose out of the water, mullet soaked covering her face, clothes clinging to her body, all Gigi could do was cackle, doubled over in the sand. “I HATE MY LIFE!” Crystal screamed, crawling towards Gigi. “GIGI I HATE MY LIFE!” Gigi couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying or both. All she knew was that she’d never let Crystal live this down. “Why is the water so cold? It’s summer,” Crystal’s teeth were chattering, her whole body shaking.

“Poor baby,” Gigi cooed, helping Crystal up on her feet.

“Why is the water so cold?” Crystal whimpered, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Awww. Do you want some cheese?” Gigi pretended to be concerned, combing her fingers through Crystal’s mullet, trying to put it back into place.

“I’m lactose intolerant you know that,” Crystal pouted, and Gigi was fighting so hard not to laugh.

“You want some cheese with that WHINE?” Gigi exclaimed, and then Crystal was chasing her around the beach, shouting obscenities. This didn’t last long of course, they’re not very big runners. So eventually they went back to the car and carried all their supplies back to the beach.

For an hour, Crystal and Gigi laid out on the sand in the dark night air together, just talking about literally anything. Gigi talked about how much she missed Hunter, Marko, Symone, Rosy, and everyone back home. How they had helped Gigi pack for Amsterdam at the last minute, all so excited.

“Amsterdam is my fresh start. That’s what we would call it. Symone promised I would come back as a changed human,” Gigi muttered. Crystal turned on her side, facing her.

“Do you think you’ve changed? Has Amsterdam... been good for you?” Her voice was so small, and fuck Gigi was in too deep. Again.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I feel like... there’s just something in the air here. It makes it easier to breathe. I don’t know,” Gigi was laying on her back, gazing up at the stars.

“Yeah,” Crystal nodded in agreement, still facing Gigi. “I know what you mean. But a part of me feels like... maybe it’s not being in Amsterdam. That makes it easier to breathe. That makes everything better. I think it’s... I don’t know,” she trailed off, but Gigi knew exactly what she meant. She heard it loud and clear. And it terrified her.

“We should probably go,” Gigi whispered, and she was mortified to feel tears welling in her eyes.

“Gigi...” Crystal looked at her, searching. But Gigi ignored her, jumping up and brushing the sand off her body.

“Cmon,” Gigi smiled, hoping Crystal would see that Gigi was fine.

Gigi was fine. Gigi was fine. Gigi was fine.

They silently made their way back to the car. Gigi watched as Crystal put the towel down on her seat, then climbed into the passenger seat, wrapped in her blanket like a burrito. Gigi snorted, and Crystal just playfully glared at her.

“Turn on the heat,” she smiled lightly. Gigi rolled her eyes, utterly failing to hold back a smile as she turned the knob to blast the heat. Then, “ Summer Love ” by the hit world famous iconic legendary boyband One Direction flowed softly out of the speakers, and Gigi hated that her chest used to ache when she would listen to the song and think about Crystal. And how it still did.

Crystal wasn’t looking at Gigi though. She had leaned her head against the window, looking up into the night sky. Gigi glanced up through the sunroof, letting out a soft breath as she saw the stars shining bright. And then her eyes fell back to Crystal, and she was still gazing at the stars, and Gigi felt something rumbling deep in her chest. She couldn’t fight back the soft smile on her face, looking at Crystal fondly. Her eyes turned to meet Gigi’s, and she easily returned the smile. And then Gigi remembered she was driving and looked back on the road.

“What are you thinking about?” Crystal murmured, watching her. And Gigi thought, eyes still trained on the road.

Gigi figured for all the drives she’d gone on with Crystal, all the times they’d sat out on the balcony together until sunrise, Gigi had come to know the night sky by heart. Gigi knew every star, every constellation. She knew Crystal’s soft smile, gazing up at the sky. And sometimes Crystal’s head would turn, and she would look at Gigi, constellations in her eyes. And Gigi swore that the sun and the moon and all the night skies they had seen together, all of the sunrises, the sunsets driving through the mountains, were nothing compared to Crystal Methyd. But she couldn’t know that.

“Nothing,” Gigi responded. “What are you thinking about?”

“I... kinda wanna go to London?” Crystal said sheepishly. Gigi just turned to look at her, wondering what the hell is she up to?

“Like... right... now?” Gigi asked. Crystal let out a laugh, shaking her head.

“No! Like... this weekend? Just Saturday and Sunday. Jaida said we get one weekend off of our choosing. And we can’t use it too close to Pride because we’re gonna be busy,” Crystal explained, and Gigi’s chest was on fire.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.  

“Um... sure,” Gigi shrugged her shoulders. “Let’s do it. We always have fun in the city, don’t we Miss Methyd?” Gigi gave her a sly grin. And maybe she was testing the waters, seeing how far she could go. Just out of curiosity. But maybe Crystal was testing the waters too, because she responded with a wink,

“Oh yes we do. Believe me, I remember.”

New York City

“What if he’s weird?”

“Crystal-”

“I’m just saying, what Uber driver is active at three a.m. in New York City?”

“Elizabeth-”

“What’s his name anyway? Trent? Never trust anyone named Trent-”

“Methyd.”

“Shit, is that him?” Crystal asked. A Buick SUV pulled up then stopped.

“Gigi?” Trent asked, rolling down his window.

“Yup,” Gigi said, pulling open the door to the backseat. She felt Crystal hovering over her shoulder. “It’s fine, Crys.” They both slid into the back of the car, shoulders pressed together.

“Where to?” Trent asked.

“Dream Midtown Hotel, in Uptown Manhattan. Wherever that… is...” Gigi trailed off. Trent nodded before driving off. Thankfully, he didn’t ask any questions on how exactly they ended up at Coney Island. And thankfully Trent showed up when he did because after about five minutes of driving it began to pour. While driving, Trent picked up a phone call, suddenly oblivious to Crystal and Gigi. The wails of sirens harmonized with a blaring car horn. Gigi leaned into Crystal.

“I hate New York,” she said. Crystal, who was staring out the window, whipped around to face Gigi.

“Really?” Crystal asked softly. Gigi nodded. Crystal turned back to the window, propping her head upon her hand. “Must be because you live in a big city. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many lights before.”

Gigi hated New York. She did. But she loved the way the city reflected in Crystal’s eyes. Flashes of blue, red, orange, purple, green, and white flickered throughout the car. And though being driven through the city at 3 am by a sketchy man was the last thing Gigi wanted to do, Crystal made it worth it. Because Crystal made everything worth it.

“Where do you like? If not New York?” Crystal whispered, looking tired. Gigi smiled.

“Well, L.A. obviously. But Chicago.” Crystal was silent, eyes pleading for Gigi to say more. “Uhm, my friends and I on the weekends would make up these elaborate lies to tell our parents and then take the bus or train into Chicago. We were all sixteen, and there was this one drag bar that allowed us to go in and we would just spend the night watching these queens perform and...” Gigi realized Crystal was staring at her, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. “And it’s so dumb to say now... but I just fucking fell in love with Chicago,” Gigi finished.

“That’s where we’ll go next,” Crystal said simply.

“What?”

“Next time we see each other after New York, we’ll go to Chicago. I’m dying to meet Krysti anyway,” Crystal laughed. Gigi beamed.

“Seriously?” she chuckled. Crystal grabbed Gigi’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

“Of course.” Gigi realized how close they had gotten, their noses practically touching. Trent turned up the radio. “ New York ” by St. Vincent flowed softly through the car.

“New York isn’t New York without you love,”

Crystal hadn’t let go of her hand. She inhaled quickly as if she were about to say something, but stopped. Gigi watched as the gears in Crystal’s mind began to shift.

“Is-” Crystal started, “is it bad I’m happy Paul isn’t here?” she confessed, and then “I don’t think I could see you both in the same room, it just wouldn’t make sense to me.” Gigi’s heart skipped a beat, not sure if this was Crystal begging her to read in between the lines or if this was Gigi’s wishful thinking. Either way, she ran her thumb across Crystal’s hand.  

“Is it bad I’m also happy Paul isn’t here?” Gigi didn’t mean for it to sound like she was telling a secret, but it did. Crystal’s eyes flickered down to Gigi’s lips, only for a second, but it was enough to send chills down Gigi’s body. She mirrored Crystal, her heart pounding in sync with the sound of rain falling on the metal roof of the car. It was Crystal who finally closed the space between them. It was barely a kiss, their lips catching each other for just a moment. But god, it was electric. Lightning struck.

“Looks like it’s about to be the perfect storm,” Trent said to whoever he was talking to on the phone. Gigi and Crystal both let out awkward chuckles. It was dark, and Gigi could barely even see Crystal but she knew she was smiling, and Gigi hoped Crystal knew that she was smiling too.

The car stopped before either of them had a chance to speak, though Gigi couldn’t even fathom what she could possibly say to Crystal. They both just got out of the car, thanking Trent quickly. When they got in the elevator, Crystal pressed the button for floor six instead of their floor, floor eight. Gigi cleared her throat.

“Floor six?” Gigi asked.

“Thought I’d just say goodnight to Widow before I head to bed,” Crystal said, a hint of panic in her voice.

“Do you want to talk about- uhh-like- what just happened?” Gigi asked.

“It was just a kiss,” Crystal said, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Gigi. “Just like on the party bus, right?”

“You kissed me” is what Gigi wanted to say. “You kissed me and you’re saying it was a joke, that it meant nothing, but I can’t believe you, I can’t bear to try. I saw the glimmer in your eye, the slight upturn of the corner of your mouth as we slowly filled the space between us. I felt your heart beating. I felt you.”  

“Yeah,” Gigi said instead. “Just like on the party bus.”

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Crystal whispered as the doors opened on floor six.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, goodnight.”

“Night.” Crystal stepped out of the elevator and walked away, not looking back as Gigi desperately pressed the button to make the door closed. Gigi sunk onto the floor of the elevator, bunching her hair in her fists. No matter how hard she tried that night, she couldn’t get her lips to stop buzzing. Just wait until Hunter hears about this one.

Amsterdam

“Okay. Now don’t go around doing your British accents because people will get offended,” Michelle said.

“Or do! The British might be honored!” Jaida quipped.

“No. Your accents are terrible, they will not be honored.”

“I don’t know Michelle... I think our accents are rather good,” Crystal said in her god awful British accent.

“Yeah, I think they’re pretty on the nose,” Gigi agreed in her accent, which was only slightly less worse.

“You guys are gonna get canceled...” Michelle muttered.

“Let the 15 year olds on Twitter cancel you, they can’t even read yet,” Jaida said, and then “well, this is where y’all board!” Crystal and Gigi stood at the entrance of the train that would take them to London. Michelle pulled them both into big hugs.

“Be safe, ladies. Don’t do what I would do.” Gigi and Crystal both laughed.

“Don’t listen to her! Have fun, fuck up some crumpets for me,” Jaida laughed. Gigi looked at Jaida and Michelle, who both were looking at them with puppy dog eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Gigi asked.

“We’re just gonna miss you,” Michelle said softly.

“And we wake and baked this morning. You know weed makes me all teary eyed,” Jaida sniffled. Crystal and Gigi threw their heads back laughing in unison. Jaida pulled Gigi into a hug. “I’ll never get over it... seeing you two happy, together again,” Jaida whispered.

“Jaida...” Gigi trailed off.

“I know, I know it’s all behind you but... we were scared for a minute.” Gigi gave Jaida a final squeeze.

“We’ll see you guys in a few days!” Gigi said as she and Crystal stepped onto the train.

“Goodbye darlings!” Jaida and Michelle waved them off. Crystal and Gigi silently found their compartment and settled in next to each other.

“This is gonna be the best weekend of our life!” Crystal cheered. “Even better than Drive n’ Drag!” Gigi heard Crystal not say. They booked a train for early in the morning so they’d make it into London by afternoon.

“Are you nervous about the tunnel?” Gigi asked.

“No...” Crystal lied.

“It’ll be fine, I promise,” Gigi said. She grabbed Crystal’s hand without even thinking, like she had just turned on autopilot. And Crystal, also on autopilot, rested her head on Gigi’s shoulder. And it felt like old times. It felt like home.

Just then, they entered the underwater tunnel, so Gigi turned on the playlist. “You okay?” she asked. But Crystal was asleep on Gigi’s shoulder. And all Gigi could do was think about where she was a year before. Preparing looks for Drive N’ Drag, late nights with Rosy and Symone coming up with possible scenarios that could happen, feeling so full of hope. And Gigi ignored the pit in her stomach because she was full of that same, blind hope just now.

New York City

Gigi laid awake all night, replaying the kiss over and over in her head. It was so quick, so soft, barely there. Had she imagined it? No. Because she remembered Crystal’s panicked eyes in the elevator, getting off on Widow’s floor. She remembered Crystal saying “It was just a kiss,” like it meant nothing. But she also remembered seeing Crystal’s face in the Uber, her smile illuminating the city.

Because she kissed Gigi.

But Crystal claimed it meant nothing. It was like the party bus. So what could Gigi do about it?

‘Go home and cry about it to Rosy and Symone.’

That was the only thing she could do. So Gigi forced herself to fall asleep, but even in sleep, she just saw flashes of Crystal on the subway, Crystal at the bar, Crystal getting off the elevator, Crystal in the Uber, Crystal sitting under the Coney Island wheel, Crystal in the Uber, Crystal’s face pressed into Gigi’s neck, burning hot.

 Crystal in the Uber, Crystal in the Uber, Crystal in the Uber.

Crystal kissing Gigi. Crystal kissing Gigi.  

Gigi kissing her back.

Gigi was jolted awake by her alarm, and let out a groan as she realized the van coming to bring the Queens to the airport would be there in an hour, and her room was an absolute mess. She scrambled out of bed, rushing to pack everything up. She didn’t even have a moment to think about Crystal until she was sitting next to her in the back of the van, being driven to the airport.

“Hi,” Crystal gave Gigi a tight smile, not meeting her eyes.

“Hello,” Gigi said casually.  

Please act normal. We’re about to say goodbye for who knows how long. Please act normal.

It seemed that Crystal got the message, because she immediately relaxed, and suddenly it was like nothing had even happened last night. Almost. Because they weren’t pressed up against each other, their foreheads weren’t barely touching, whispering nonsense back and forth. Crystal kept her distance.

It sort of felt like she was already back in Missouri, just out of reach.

But still, they talked with the other queens driving to the airport, and as each minute passed, Gigi became painfully aware of the fact that she didn’t know the next time she’d see Crystal. Of course, they would make plans eventually. Gigi was due to visit Crystal in Springfield, maybe for one of her viewing parties. And of course, Crystal said they would go to Chicago. But when? They would both have such crazy schedules once the show aired. But looking at Crystal laughing at something Widow said, Gigi knew they would be alright. Widow said Gigi just needed to give Crystal time. She could do that. She had waited this long, she could wait a little longer. Crystal was worth it.

The van pulled up to the airport, and Gigi followed everyone out. As the driver unloaded all the suitcases, Gigi turned to face Crystal. She was just looking at Gigi, tears in her eyes.

“Not yet, holy shit,” Gigi laughed, and Crystal had to join, shaking her head.

“Shut up,” she chuckled, punching Gigi’s shoulder lightly. They walked into the airport together, suitcases in trail. Once they made it through security, the queens all hugged each other goodbye. The next time they’d all be together was at the finale in April. Gigi wondered if things would be different with Crystal by the time they’d get to see each other at the finale. Maybe they would actually be together. Or maybe they would still be stuck in this weird limbo, unsure of what they were anymore. Only time would tell.

Gigi’s flight was boarding in fifteen minutes, and Crystal’s was boarding an hour later. So Crystal walked Gigi to her gate, and neither of them were sure what to say to the other.

What do you even say?

“I’ll uh... text you. When my flight lands,” Crystal said awkwardly, looking anywhere but Gigi.

“Okay,” Gigi said lightly. She had to say something. This was the last time they were seeing each other until... well at least until April. But so many things had happened in the three days they’d spent together...

What do you even say?

“Crystal I... I don’t know,” Gigi whispered. Crystal’s eyes met hers, and Gigi could feel her saying a million things. Gigi knew how confused she was, how scared she was. She understood. Crystal needed time. So Gigi did the one thing she knew and pulled Crystal into a tight hug. She didn’t whisper sweet nothings, she didn’t cry, she just held Crystal as tight as possible, for as long as she could. And Crystal held back just as tight, burying her face in Gigi’s neck.

Gigi didn’t know how long they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, oblivious to everyone else. And then her flight was called. “Alright,” She whispered, pulling away from Crystal. “I’ll see you soon,” she tried to smile, but it was a grimace, and fuck now Crystal’s eyes were welling with tears again, and Gigi had to go, but Crystal was standing there, gaping like a fish, trying to find the right words to say.

“Gigi...” she started, but nothing came out.

“I know,” Gigi said firmly. She pulled Crystal into another quick hug. “I will see you soon,” she smiled at Crystal, and Crystal smiled back through her tears.

“I’ll see you soon,” she whispered, and then Gigi was walking to her plane.

In the months to come, Gigi would look back on this moment, playing it over and over in her head. Because in three weeks, the whole world would be on lockdown, in the middle of a raging pandemic. Crystal, Gigi, and everyone else would be stuck at home, told not to travel, not to see their friends and family, to flatten the curve. They wouldn’t see each other at the finale, which instead was held on Zoom. Gigi wouldn’t get to visit Crystal in Springfield, getting to meet her friends and family.

No.

Instead, Gigi would lay in bed at night, wishing she had said something, anything to Crystal. Wishing that the last time they saw each other for who knows how long hadn’t been spent in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Gigi wished she had been braver, that Crystal had known what she wanted. Gigi wished the universe hadn’t decided to come crashing down just when things were maybe finally going to happen with Crystal. But more than anything, Gigi wished she could’ve had just one more night with Crystal in New York. Gigi wished they had more time.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Two for One

Fandom: Marvel (Professor AU/College AU)

Pairing: Stucky x F!Reader

Summary: Ever since you became the TA for Professor Romanoff, you’ve been seeing a lot of Professors Rogers and Barnes. They seem to be attracted to you, but you have a hard time deciding between the two. What do you do?

Warning: smut - bjs, threesome, semi-public…just a whole lot of naughty mk?

A/N: based off of this post and my tags in it. also, word count is about 4.1k. so yall better appreciate this and the struggle i went through to write this (i’m looking at you @chloerinebarnes )

Steve was sure that if Bucky bit his lip any further, he’d draw blood. He nudged his boyfriend with his elbow, gaining his attention back, “Cool it with the staring and lip biting. You’ll scare her off.”

Bucky groaned, “She’s killin’ me with those jeans, babe.”

Steve snorted, “Tell me about it,” he murmured as his eyes went back to across the lounge. You were standing off to the side, speaking with Professor Romanoff, the teacher you were a TA for. You were nodding to everything that she was listing off for you to do. After handing you a stack of papers, you saw yourself out of the lounge. Bucky and Steve’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. 

Ever since you became Professor Romanoff, aka Natasha’s, TA, Steve and Bucky have been seeing you more and more. Not that they minded. You were beautiful, funny, and smart. Honestly, you were the missing puzzle piece in their life. 

Don’t get it wrong, Steve and Bucky were completely devoted to each other. But for the past few years, they’ve been feeling like they were missing something. And they believe that something is you. 

But how does one go about proposing a polyamorous relationship? You don’t. It’s not a very common thing and it’s not accepted in a lot of places. Nonetheless, Steve and Bucky adored you from the moment they met you. 

So, they hatched a plan. They would worm their way into your heart individually and when it came to the point where you “have to choose”, they’ll give you the other option: a two for one deal. 

_________________________

You’re in the school cafe, a pile of papers off to the side that you’re making your way through. You suddenly feel a presence looming over you and you look up to see Professor Barnes. 

You give him a polite smile, “Hey there, professor! How’s it going?”

“Monday mornings were never my thing hence,” he gestured to his large coffee cup.

You snorted, “Tell me about it,” you pointed to your own, “This is my third one already.”

“Mind if I sit?” he points to the seat across from you.

You shook your head, “Not at all!” you move your things around to give him a little bit more space, “Enjoy your weekend?”

He shrugged, “Just stayed home, watched some Netflix, graded papers. The usual.”

You nodded, “That’s become my usual now too. Although, yesterday my friends Pietro and Wanda dragged me out of the apartment to go to a bar. Gonna be honest, had a bit too much.”

“That explains the coffee and you still grading papers that are probably due today.”

You sighed, “Yeeeaahhh. Never listening to the twins again,” you said with a snort. 

“I wish I could help. Russian Literature was my minor. But I’m sure if Nat found out, she’d have both our heads.”

“Definitely. Romanoff’s great, but, damn, does she terrify me!”

Barnes snorted, “Same here.” he stood up and grabbed his coffee, “Well, I’ll let you get to it. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Professor Barnes!”

He smiled down at you, and with a wink, he said, “Call me Bucky,” and he waltzed out of the cafe like it was nothing. And you hated to admit that that little gesture made your cheeks heat up and make your panties slightly damp.

___________________

You were struggling with holding the pile of graded papers in your arms and trying to get your notebook out for Romanoff’s class. Just when you thought you had it, all the papers tumbled forward onto the ground. You groaned and hung your head back, staring up at the sky asking, “Why me?”

You bent down and began to collect the papers, and then another pair of hands came into view. You tried to object, “It’s okay! I got-” when you looked up, staring back at you was he striking blue eyes of Professor Rogers, “I-I got it, Professor Rogers,” you stammered as you quickly collected the essays.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind helping,” he said with a shy smile, grabbing the leftover papers and handing them to you. You both stood up and awkwardly stood there, “So, uh, headed to Nat’s-I mean, Romanoff’s office?”

You nodded, “Yeah. Gotta turn in all these papers I graded.” you gestured to the pile that was back in your hands. 

“Oh, well, my office is in the same direction. I’ll accompany you.”

You two walked together, towards the Literature and History building, “So, uh, how was your weekend?”

“Oh, uh, pretty bland, honestly. Just hanging out and grading papers. What about you? Did you spend your weekend grading all of these?” he points to your pile.

“Sorta,” you answered, “I got most of them done. Then I went out last night. Got drunk and never finished the rest. I just finished up in the cafe. Professor Barnes was actually there too. Surprised you weren’t with him. You two are usually attached to the hip,” you say teasingly.

Rogers snorted, “Please, I couldn’t shake ‘im even if I tried. We actually live together. We see a lot of each other and you would think we’d get sick of each other. But we don’t.”

“That’s good. I love Pietro and Wanda, but, God, I don’t think I can spend every second of the day with them.”

He chuckled, “Guess you just gotta find the right people that’ll make you want to see them all the time.”

Soon enough, you were in the building, standing in front of Professor Romanoff’s office, “Well, here’s my stop,” you say.

“Yeah. Anyway, I hope you have a good rest of your day, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Professor Rogers. You too!”

“Please, call me, Steve,” he says with a grin and then turns around, heading for his office in the other direction.

___________________

Bucky is eating lunch in Steve’s office. Steve is typing away at his computer, occasionally pausing when Bucky feeds him a forkful of penne pasta into his mouth. 

“So, progress?” Bucky asks, his own mouth full of pasta. 

Steve chews a few more times before swallowing. He takes off his glasses and sets them onto his desk, “Told her to call me Steve after I helped pick up her papers that she dropped and accompanied her on the way to Nat’s office. She said she came from the cafe and you were there?”

Bucky nodded, “Yeah. Grabbed some coffee, sat with her and chatted a little bit. When I left, I told her to call me Bucky. You still think we should do this?”

“I really like her, Buck. I just-don’t you feel it? That spark with her?” when Bucky nodded, Steve continued, “Then can you imagine how it would be if all of us were together?”

“It’d be like nothing we’ve ever felt before,” Bucky murmured.

“Exactly. We gotta try, but we can’t be too overbearing. She’s gotta be the one.”

Bucky set down his tupperware of pasta and rest his hand on Steve’s, “She’s out missing puzzle piece.”

___________________

You sat in the lounge next to Professor Romanoff, or Nat, as she’s allowed you to call her. You’re both going over test grades and that’s when you hear the screeching of wood against the floor and then you look up to see Bucky and Steve settling across the table from you.

Your eyes brighten and a smile appears on your face, “Hey, Bucky! Hey, Steve!”

Big grins appear on their faces when you acknowledge, “Hey, doll,” Bucky says, and you feel your cheeks heating up. 

You duck your head down, biting your lip and continuing to grade papers. You hoped that Nat ignored that interaction, but she didn’t. While you continued to grade papers, Nat gave questioning looks to the professors across from her. Both gave her shrugs and pulled out their own work that needed to be done. 

Words started to blur as your eyes skimmed through another test, your red pen marking wrong answers. You could feel yourself getting a headache so you groaned and fell back into your seat, “I need a break. I’m gonna walk to the cafe. Do you guys want anything?” Nat and Bucky shook their head but Steve stood up.

“I’ll go with you. I think I need to stretch my legs anyway.” he turns to Bucky and gives him a nod, and then follows you out of the lounge. After you both leave, Nat turns to Bucky.

“What the hell are you guys up to?”

“Steve and I both like Y/N, so we’re trying to ease our way into her heart and possibly propose a poly relationship.”

Nat groaned, “Jesus Christ. You know what happened the last time you tried that. You and Steve ended up heartbroken and nearly broke up because of it.”

“Dot wasn’t right for us,” Bucky said with a shake of his head, “But Y/N’s different. You know she is, Nat.”

“Maybe so, but then again, you hardly know her.”

“And that’s why we’re trying to spend as much time as we can to get to know her.”

Nat shook her head, “You’re playing a dangerous game. She’s a student.”

“She’s graduating this year. Once she’s graduated, then Steve and I will ask. Trust us, Nat. We learned from the last time and we know what we’re doing now.”

____________________

“So, the semester is half way over and you’ll be graduating soon. Have any plans on what to do?” Steve asked, his hands curled up in his pockets. 

“Travel. Find a job. Maybe find some love on the way. I don’t know.”

“Not looking for love right now?” he asked with a teasing smirk. 

You shrugged, “Oh trust me, I’ve been looking. Just haven’t found anyone that clicks with me, ya know? Someone funny, smart, compassionate, independent. Oh and knows how to cook. It’s surprising how many people here barely know how to cook.”

Steve snorted, “Bucky loves to cook. He cooks our meals all the time. I know how to cook too, but for Bucky, it’s his stress reliever. He’s in his element when he cooks, plus everything is delicious when he makes it.”

“I’d love to try something other than ramen and burgers.”

“I’ll bring you some tomorrow. Buck loves to cook for other people so it won’t be a problem.”

You shook your head, “I can’t ask you guys to do that. You don’t have-”

“You’re not askin’, sweetheart. Plus, we want to do this. Trust me.”

You sighed, “Fine.”

Steve was beaming right then and there, “Great. Do you have any food preferences?”

“Surprise me.”

_____________________

It became a regular thing after that. You and Nat would be in the lounge going over lecture notes or grading papers. Steve and Bucky would appear and slide over some tupperware for lunch that Bucky had prepared for you. At one point, they started bringing some food for Nat too since she complained about them not bringing food for her. Plus, they didn’t want to seem too suspicious. 

As the semester progressed, you found yourself in the company of Steve and Bucky often. Sometimes it was both of them, sometimes it was one or the other. You’d have lunch with them, walk with them to class or the office building. Relax under some trees while you graded papers. You also ended up getting both of their numbers and all three of you would be in a group chat texting away or texting to either men individually. 

You were around them a lot and you couldn’t help the feelings you were starting to develop for both them. It was conflicting. Very much so. You were a student and they were professors. 

It was a month before the semester ended, before you graduated, and you’d had enough. Enough of the feelings and the confusion. It had to stop!

So you burst into Bucky’s office where you knew both men would be. As soon as you step into the room, you freeze. There right before was Steve and Bucky, but they were tangled up in each other, making out. 

“I’m so confused,” you murmured as they stared at you wide-eyed. 

“Doll, I-we-”

“I-I should go. Sorry. I didn’t-I’m gonna-” 

You turn to leave but Steve cried outs, “Y/N, wait!” and you stop. You look at them and they’re staring at you with pleading eyes, “Sweetheart, please, don’t leave. Just-Just close the door and we’ll explain everything.”

Slowly, you move back inside, closing the door behind you. You sit at the chair across from Bucky’s desk. Bucky sits back down into his seat and Steve stands off to the side, running his hand through his disheveled hair. 

“Are-Are you guys together?” you ask apprehensively. When both men nod, you let out a shaky breath, “I-I don’t understand. Both of you made it seem like you were interested in me. Were you just toying with me? Is that it?!”

“No!” both said unison. 

Steve cleared his throat, “It’s nothin’ like that, Y/N. We swear. We-Bucky and I, we’ve been together for a long time. We love each other a lot, but-”

Bucky interjected, “But we feel like we’ve been missing something. And we think that something is you.”

You became even more confused, “But you’re together already. How would that even work?”

“A polyamorous relationship. The three of us can be together. Bucky and I have strong feelings for you, Y/N.”

You shook your head, “This can’t happen,” and suddenly, it felt like Bucky and Steve’s hearts were breaking all over again, but then you continued, “I’m still a student and you’re professors. If this got out, I’d be expelled and you two would be fired. I-” you take a moment to let out a deep breath, “It’s funny. I was coming here to tell you that I can’t choose between you two. I have feelings for both of you, so I was just-I don’t know-take myself out of the equation.”

“But you don’t have to, doll,” Bucky says with a hopeful gaze.

Steve rest his hand on Bucky’s shoulder to prevent him from getting ahead of yourself, “But we understand your reasoning why you don’t want to be with us.”

“I didn’t say I don’t want to be with you. I said I can’t right now.” that made both men’s ears perk, “I’m graduating next month. We can put all of this on hold for now and once I’m outta here then...”

“We can wait!” Bucky said all too enthusiastically, which made Steve chuckle.

Steve’s hand moved from Bucky’s shoulder, down his arm and to his hand where they laced fingers, “We’re willing to wait for you, sweetheart. You’re worth it.”

You moved around the desk and to the two men, grabbing each of their hands in yours, ���Thank you. You guys mean a lot to me,” you leaned in and pecked the cheeks of each men, “I’ll see you guys soon,” and then you were out of Bucky’s office. The end of next month couldn’t come any sooner. 

__________________

“Y/N L/N!” your name was called as you walked across the stage, shaking the dean’s hand, and accepting your diploma. Cheers from your loved ones and peers brought a huge smile to your face. You walked down the steps dancing on your way back to your seat, your classmates buzzing all around you. 

After everyone’s name was called, the dean stood up the podium to give final remarks and the changing of the tassels, “Now, everyone, I present to you the Class of 2020!” everyone cheered as caps went flying into the air. You hugged the people around you, and waited for your family and friends to meet you on the field. In the meantime..

“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” Bucky cried out as he gave you a big ol’ hug. Steve stood behind him, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. 

“Congrats, Y/N,” Steve gave you a hug, nothing to make anyone suspicious.

You were beaming at them, “Thanks you guys. I can’t believe it. I graduated!”

Bucky was ready to ask you out right then and there, but stopped when he saw your family approaching. He and Steve stepped aside to allow you some time with your loved ones. They mouthed, “See you later,” and both walked away to congratulate other students. 

You watched as they departed. A part of you wanted to chase after them and kiss them both then and there, but that would stir something up and you didn’t want any trouble on this momentous day. Soon, Y/N. Soon. 

The day after graduation was when you were to pick up your official diploma. You knew from the group chat that Steve and Bucky would be on campus, due to finishing up finals. And after you picked up your diploma, you wanted to go see them. 

With diploma in hand, you approached the office building, sending off texts to the men:

You: whatcha up to?

Bucky: grading finals in Steve’s office

You: can I stop by?

Steve: of course ;)

Bucky: BRING COFFEE!

You giggled, knowing how predictable Bucky was, two cups of coffee with you already. You approached Steve’s office, knocking on the slightly ajar door, “May I enter?”

The door swung wide open, and Bucky immediately pulled you inside, closing and locking the door behind you. You snorted, “Wow, eager mu-mmf!” you couldn’t finish the teasing retory as a pair of lips matched up with yours, hands cupping your face. 

You heard a chuckle from behind you, “Buck, careful, you’re gonna make her spill the coffee she got for us.” He went over and grabbed the coffee tray from your hands.

You pulled away, mumbling, “Thank you,” to him and then looking back at Bucky who sported a dopey grin on his face, “How long were you waiting to do that?”

“So fucking long,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to yours once more, but it was brief since you pulled away.

“Hey now, two kisses and Steve hasn’t even gotten any from me yet. You’re starting to get greedy, mister.”

Bucky’s cheeks flushed and he ducked his head down shyly, “Sorry, doll,” he then moved aside for Steve. 

Steve pulled you in, wrapping an arm around you and slowly leaning in. His lips were hovering over yours and right as you were about to tell him to hurry up, his lips met yours in a passionate kiss. His fingers dug into your skin as he held onto you for dear life. For so long him and Bucky have wanted you like this and he feels like if he lets go, if he pulls away, it’ll all be a dream. 

Steve began to walk you backwards until your backside hit the edge of his desk. You pulled away to look at the two men, whose soft gazes faded and turned into lustful ones. 

You smirked, “I’ve always fantasized about being fucked on a desk.”

Both men growled as they started to undo their pants. Steve pressed you up against the desk, kissing you heatedly, while Bucky began to remove things from the surface. You hopped onto it after receiving the okay from Bucky. Steve worked on getting your jeans off while Bucky pulled of your shirt. Clothes flew around the room with no care where they landed. 

“Ah fuck, baby doll. You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Bucky moaned, his hand slowly pumping his cock and the other kneading your breast. 

You laid across the surface, opening your mouth, welcoming Bucky’s length. You both moaned when his dick entered your mouth. Bucky thrust his hips back and forth, loving how you looked taking his cock. 

Meanwhile, Steve was paying special attention to your pussy. He licked a strip up your slit, tongue circling around your clit. When you moaned a little too loud, Steve pulled away, “Quiet now, honey. Someone might here your pretty little noises and those are for our ears only.”

Bucky pulled out of your mouth for you to reply, “Sorry, Steve.”

“How wet is she, Stevie?” Bucky asked through his panting.

Steve licked his lips, “So fucking wet and she’s so sweet,” he murmured before slurping up some of your juices. 

Bucky whined, “Lemme taste.” Steve then stood up and leaned over the desk, pulling Bucky towards him, Lips smashing against lips. You wished you could’ve seen the two men swapping your taste, but the view was blocked by Bucky’s body leaning over yours. 

When they pulled away Steve cleared his throat, looking from you to Bucky, “So, how’s this gonna go: i fuck her pussy while you get her mouth, or vice versa?”

You shook your head, “No, I wanna feel you both at the same time.”

Both men moaned at the thought of both of their cocks filling you up to the brim. Steve nodded, “Very well. Bucky, on the table. Sweetheart, straddle Bucky.” Both you and Bucky did as you were told while Steve pulled out a bottle of lube from a drawer. 

You gave him a questioning look and Bucky chuckled, “This isn’t the first time we’ve fucked in this office, doll.” And just the image of Bucky and Steve fucking in this office made you even more wet than before. 

Steve, with his cock lubed up, knelt behind you and in-between Bucky’s legs, “You ready for us, babygirl?”

“I’ve literally been waiting all semester for this, Steve. Now hurry up and fuck me.”

Both men snickered at your haste, “Gotta give our girl what she wants,” Bucky mumbled as he lined himself up with you and you lowered yourself onto him. Steve was right behind you, pushing you forward and slowly easing himself into not wanting to hurt you. Moments pass they’re both inside you and, holy shit, this is something you’ve never felt before.

Both men stay still as they let you set the pace. You rock your body back and forth, allowing both cocks to drag themselves in and out of you. Seriously, the feeling was something unworldly. What made it ever better was Bucky’s lips on your chest and Steve’s hand working your clit. These men both knew what they were doing. 

“So fucking sexy, sweetheart, taking our cocks at the same time,” Steve murmured into your neck, “You love this, don’t you? Love being filled to the brim.”

Bucky bit at your skin, making you hiss, to which he mumbled, “Answer him, babydoll.”

“Yes, Steve. Love your cocks filling me whole,” you gasped when Bucky’s cock just hit that spot that made you shudder. With the way things were going, you knew you were gonna be cumming soon. 

“Wanna make a mess outta you, sweetheart,” Bucky whispered, lips still wandering over your neck and chest, “Wanna fill you with our cum, paint you with it. Mark you as ours.”

“I’m yours,” you panted out, “I’m all yours,” you moved your body faster, desperate for your release. 

“Go ahead, baby, cum on our cocks. We wanna feel ya,” Steve mumbled in your ear, his hand working faster on your clit. You dug your nails into Bucky’s chest, a pain he happily welcomed. 

“Come on, baby. Give it us. You can do it,” Bucky encouraged you, slapping your ass and kneading the flesh. 

“Fuck, fuck,” you said through gritted teeth. A powerful wave of pleasure washed over you as leaned down, resting your head against Bucky’s while you came.

“So pretty when you cum,” he whispered.

“Such a good girl,” Steve murmured, kissing your back and shoulders. You moved a bit and felt something wet. You sat up and looked down to see that you just squirted all over you and Bucky.

“Oh shit. I’ve never done that before,” you murmured.

Bucky snickered, “First time for everything,” he said with a wink. 

You then moved off his lap, “Well, lemme clean this up for you since it is my mess.” Both men hissed when your hands wrapped around both their lengths, your mouth gliding over Bucky’s stomach and pelvis, collecting your own juices. 

“Oh my God, you’re perfect,” he moaned, his hand grabbing your head and trying to push it towards his cock.

You slapped his hand away, “I already sucked you off, babe. Now it’s Steve’s turn,” you said with a smirk. You gave a wink to the blonde as your mouth lowered onto his dick. Bucky was right, you are perfect. And you’re theirs. All theirs.

[proffessional-busboy]

There’s Always a Loophole

(Part 2)

Warnings - kinda sad and angsty

a/n - part 2 obv. um there is one scene that has a a lot of dialogue so the blue is ric and the green is Hope. but ya enjoy

(Part 1 Here)

Recap

"Any brilliant ideas because i think we're running out of time." you said, pointing to the black goo.

She looked at it and looked back at you. "Just one" she sighed. "But your gonna hate it." she paused for a second. "Kiss me".

So of course you obeyed. There was a lot of emotion in it. "I didnt hate that at all."

"Not that". she said, her hand snaking from your face to your neck. "This".

And she snapped your neck.

She looked down at your body as it fell to the floor. She took a second to think, and then called Alaric.

"Hope, did you find y/n?"

"Yeah"

"Okay, well tell me where you are"

"Fort Valley, Georgia. Y/N's gonna need you when i'm done. You have to write it down."

"Wait, youre at Triad Headquarters?"

"Yeah. Uh, dont worry though everyone here is dead."

"Okay, listen you're not making any sense. Just put y/n on the phone."

"I can't. Uh, she would have tried to stop me, so i had to kill her too."

"What?"

"She'll come back, don't worry. Even if i dont."

"Hope, tell me what the hell you're about to do right now before you do it."

"Clarke won. He found the final artifact, and he tossed it into the pit, which is y/n's father, by the way. And now Malivore's gonna rise unless i stop him."

"Stop him how"

"y/n's got all the answers but basically, Malivore was created by the blood of a werewolf, a witch, and a vampire. It used to be that only they could destroy what they created, but nature found a loophole. By making me. The tribrid. Im the loophole."

"Hope you listen to me. Now, this is a theory, okay, and you dont even know if this is gonna work so you just sit tight, and wait for me to get there."

"There's no time! Ive always thought that i was a cosmic mistake, someone who should never have been born. But after all this time, i mean, my purpose is finally clear. Think about it. Im the answer to all of this. I can remember things about Malivore that no one else can. That Triad weapon didnt affect me. Did my blood heal Josie?"

"I am not okay with this."

"I know. But you will be because once i toss myself into that pit, no one at school will remember me. Including you."

"Hope you listen to me."

"Ive spent years torturing myself, asking myself why my father sacrificed himself for me, to get to this point where, i mean i totally understand it. And i dont want you to have to go through that pain Dr. Saltzman. You've been through enough. And i dont want anyone at school to miss me, because they're my friends. Maybe i would've seen that sooner if i hadnt been beating myself up all this time.". She pauses, sighing, and thinking this through. "This is the point where you tell em that you wish i could change my mind even though im doing the right thing." she pauses again, eyes watering, tears threatening to spill over. "This is the part you tell me youre proud of me."

"You know im proud of you. You know it." Ric replies, voice breaking. "What is it you need me to do?"

"Call maintenance. Have em pack my room. Take my files, all those notes i know you keep about me, and burn them. Even y/n's journal."

"Listen, if you wanna erase yourself, thats on you, okay. But you cant ask me to do it too."

"Im sorry Dr. Saltzman." both of them have tears running down their face. "But i trust you more than i trust anyone. I wish i wouldve figured that out sooner, too.". She looked down at the pit as it roared, a faint shape of malivore's face tearing through. "I gotta go."

"Hope! Listen to me, wait."

"Not an option. Uh-uh. Promise your gonna do what i said." she waited for Ric to answer. "Promise me!"

"Alright, fine. I promise."

With that, Hope hung up. She deleted the call history of her and Ric. Walking towards the railing looking down at Malivore, she saw movement in the corner of her eye. She turned her head quickly as Clarke started stirring around, standing up quickly and snapping his neck back in place.

"Ooh, sorry. I was eavesdropping." he looked at hope. "What are you waiting for?"

"I assumed you were gonna try and stop me."

"Hell no. I was only trying to raise my father because im terrified of him, and i knew he'd find a way out someday." Clarke said, walking around the platform hovering the pit. "But if youre right about this loop hole-- can actually kill the bastard once and for all." he stopped. Standing by the lower part of the railing. "Be my guest. And if youre wrong, no harm done because you'll be dead. So go on. I'll be rooting for you." He smiled at Hope, who was now standing across from him.

"Thats not all you'll be doing." Hope said, raising her hands. "Imitantor Pupulus".

Clarke just smirked at her, thinking she failed. "Whatever you think you just did, it didnt wo-". He was cut off by his handing flying to cover his mouth, the same as Hope. She removed her hand from her mouth slowly, same as him. "How'd you do that? Why did i do that?"

"Its a basic mimic spell. We learned it in second grade." she started walking closer to him, making him walk closer to her. "Also in second grade..." she stopped. "Follow the leader"

"You dont have to do this" Clarke begged.

"I know. But its the only part im actually enjoying.". Hope put one foot on the bar and grabbed his throat, Clarke following her actions. "Too bad youre so clumsy". She put her other foot up and jumped off.

They both went over the edge, falling into the malivore pit.

Any memory of them now ceased to exist.

Just like them.

a/n - JUST LIKE THEM BITCH AAAHHHH. This is basically jus that whole scene but with Landons name and pro-nouns replaced w ur name and girl pro nouns so ya. BUT STILL TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK

[blackhyena]

gothank you @slutteryingreen for tagging me to uhhh. do this deep dive i guess.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black ideally but like, whatever’s there in practice? i seem to have got hold of an aqua blue bastard right now and i feel somewhat foolish

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? i love the country but i need to be in a city where everything is convenient and it feels like im part of.... something at least. the idea of being far from amenities is quite frightening to me given how paranoid i can be lmao

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? i know i already play guitar but i would like to be actually genuinely good at it rather than mediocre. i also would like to be better at doing makeup, and i’d really love to be able to make my own clothes alas i can’t even work a sewing machine

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? i do not

5. What was your favourite book as a child? omg megan horrible histories is such a shout. i did love those dragonology/egyptology/pirateology books though i still have them somewhere cause im not throwing away QUALITY like that

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers 

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Oh To Be A Gender Non Conforming Vampire

8. Paper or electronic books? paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? my assorted flashy blazer collection

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? i mean.... it’s unusual, and i suppose that makes it feel very personal to me. but then also i love my nicknames/alternative names so much, i have genuinely considered changing it, but then i also like the idea of going by several variously

11. Who is a mentor to you? ummm. literally? my supervisor

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?  i still daydream about being a musician, that hasnt changed since i was really small haha. though sometimes in my daydreams i am also a screenwriter/director maybe. i don’t know. id hate to be super famous though megan is on the money, gotta be niche

13. Are you a restless sleeper? hmm, i take ages to get to sleep but when im out i am OUT. as in people have to make sure im not dead out. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? in every sense of the word!

15. Which element best represents you?  this is probably just from astrology shit but i think air is also quite representative of me!

16. Who do you want to be closer to? oh to be close to someone! in this economy...

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?  SEE ABOVE. everyone!!!!!

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory: my two cousins arguing over who got to give me a horse-ride in my nana’s living room, meanwhile i’m crying in the corner begging them not to fight

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? oh take your pick! chicken hearts, ostrich, springbok.... all very delicious would recommend

20. What are you most thankful for? im very loved by my family and friends 🥺 even though i can get insecure and not realise it, it’s something i need to commit to heart more often. 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes but my body does not. doesn’t stop me though!

22. Have you ever met someone famous? ive met miles kane! and jason manford. and some randos from coronation street. oh and kate mulgrew. and lee mack, who was getting my train along with catherine tate. there’s probably more ive forgotten. 

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? lol NO but i do have a planner because if i didnt my life would have fallen apart completely by now. 

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil?  pen.

25. What is your star sign? libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? crunchy... but i also don’t eat cereal. ive fully gone off milk (no pun intended)

27. What would you want your legacy to be? that i created something beautiful or though-provoking, or at least funny

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? ahah if i didnt like reading doing what i do then id be FUCKED. i just finished reading the ebb-tide by robert louis stevenson!

29. How do you show someone you love them? i get them something nice... i suck at expressing it because i’m so nervous it won’t go down well. a gift does nicely to get around that.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? i guess?

31. What are you afraid of? failing.... being forgotten.....rejection.... oh and wasps, hugely. bug sounds freak me the fuck out!!!!

32. What is your favourite scent? woody, earthy rain smells. and jasmine/honeysuckle too i suppose

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? i... whatever they go by????

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? my house would be so beautifully hideous and full of beautifully hideous clothes. 

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools, just cause i can’t be dealing with salt water in my nose where it has no business being

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? i .... GUESS i would turn it in to see if anyone had lost it, but you can bet i’d be fuming

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? no!!! i think i’m too short-sighted to pick most of them out. really mad about that actually why did you ask

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? im not planning to have kids but i did come to a conclusion that, while formerly i would have simply told them to be kind, i would also tell them to be smart. because natural intelligence aside critical thinking is a GIFT and they should rightly question everything rather than taking it as gospel. 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? urgh i know exactly what i would get and if covid/money/parental expectations truly were no object i’d be getting little fragments of cathedral architecture from all the cities i’ve lived in tattooed on my wrists.

40. What can you hear now? the garage door creaking open under our flat

41. Where do you feel the safest? at home, with a cat curled up on my bed.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? insecurities yes.... anxieties.... fears.... all that. i should get therapy probably

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? it would not be permanent because i do NOT want to live without modern niceties but i WOULD go back to the eighteenth century/regency.... and just meet some people i’ve been reading about in the flesh, and see if they live up to the hype.

44. What is your most used emoji?  red love heart emoji....

45. Describe yourself using one word. odd...

46. What do you regret the most?  not sticking up for people being bullied at school. i know it was a self preservation thing at the time and i was a kid and didnt necessarily know better but like.... i wish i hadnt tried to distance myself from it, i could have been a lot more empathetic and made the world a bit kinder for people going through it, you know?

47. Last movie you saw?  belle! 

48. Last tv show you watched? succession

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. you know when you give your cat a gentle shove and it rolls over dramatically onto its back? that’s tipcat. 

i tag @ceolfriths @wutheringdyke  @mycravatundone @colubride @renfield @goblinmarquess​

[xsecretblastsx]

2x01 Summer Kind of Wonderful

SEASON TWO HERE WE GO.

I was dying to get here, this is one of my favorite episodes in the whole show. It’s also the episode were I really turned into a Chair shipper, so there’s that too, also The Hamptons!! Honestly was not to love about this episode.

I think this is the longest recap I’ve done in a while. As usaul recap under the cut.

Thoughts I had while watching:

I’ve watched this before and yet I’m still surprised our first taste of S2 is Nate going at it

After the super promising tease on Nate and Serena on the S1 turns out... she’s covering for him while he sleeps around... 😒

Chuck being Chuck, still a womanizer, still obsessed with Blair and as always ignoring Serena’s disgusted face. Also hilarious his enormous basket with cuttlery and such.

Look Joe Goldberg!!! Or is it Dan Humphrey? This bookstore setting is making it even more confusing.

Hi Jenny! And her never ending disatisfaction with her place at whatever she’s trying.

This scene between Chuck and Serena is so underrated. Her mocking face is hilarious. Pimp all you want Chuck it’s useless. Good luck in your suicide mission indeed.

What’s a Jitney? 😆How about where Blair returns to the Hamptons with a new beau. On your face Chuck Bass! On the words of GG: ain’t karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.

“A hot lifeguard is like Kleenex: use once and then throw away, you couldn’t ask for a better rebound” so says Blair 🤔

“The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey” speaking words of wisdom Blair Waldorf

Of course all the wisdom goes out the window when Chuck appears. With the most extra polo ever and the shortest shorts in the history of menswear

Not that Blair wasn’t transparent with all her talk about James but oh my god Serena’s is so bad a going along with it.

“You’re lying. Your eyes are doing that thing were they don’t match your mouth” Chuck Bass: a walking manual on Blairisms

“I bet you’ll like him as much as I do” “If by that you mean I won’t like him at all then you’re right” meanwhile Serena is trying to pretend she’s anywhere else and not there silent witness to that verball pin pong

I always wonder how Jenny and Dan end up being like that with a Dad like Rufus

So this is “Jenny admitting she was a bitch and that Eric didn’t deserve it” first season.

“A honk instead of a knock? Did someone order a townie?" Blair’sn lines this episode are hilarious

I feel bad thinking that Nate’s main contribution so far is looking really good without a shirt.

Chuck Bass: a walking encyclopedia on everything Blair Waldorf.

If only the show had given us more Chuck and Cece interactions.

I feel I should have kept a score for all the Chuck and Blair jibes to each. That pin play on Blair’s part was check mate though. Auch. I almost feel bad for Chuck. Almost

In terms of cinematography that scene were they talk about the pin is gorgeous probably my fave in the show only behind that scene in Paris in S4. The matching outfits, the colors and the scenery are sooo good. Also the acting.

Knowing her like he does it’s interesting Chuck doesn’t realize Blair only gave that pin to James to hurt him. But the fact that it works is very telling on Chuck’s insecurities and feelings.

Nate being kicked out so the husband won’t catch him wouldn’t be half as hilarious if it wasn’t for Serena’s “no effing way face”

“Damn that Motherchucker” a novel by Blair Waldorf

I love Blair’s summer dress by the way

“All I could see was that Chuck Basstard” the sequel novel, also by Blair Waldorf

What a difference a summer makes: Nate and Chuck talking about Blair. I do feel Nate’s like “thank god it ain’t me anymore”

“And unlike you I don’t lose something if I let it out of my sight” Blair strikes again, this girl is on fire.

This episode is kind of proving that I barely care for any other storyline that doesn’t have the original four. After those two side by side arguments, getting back to Dan is really annoying

I kind of love it when Rufus points out to Dan how he never stops talking and doesn’t let anyone else said anything. Is kind of boring already how he only seems to write about Serena and the UES.

Chuck’s cricket outfit reminds me of how I should enjoy the crazy outfits while they last.

Ofc Chuck’s has a PI on speed dial Eric, duh. Gotta love him though: “i know that face, that face is not your friend” sorry Nate

I’m still trying to come up with the reason why the show let the fake dating storyline between Nate and Serena be such a waste. Whyyyy????

Just in case I forget: this white party was sponsored by Vitamin Water. For real there’s product placement and then there’s this.

The constrast between Serena looking like a greek goddess next to Nate’s I didn’t bother of an outfit is making me dizzy.

Chuck’s outfit for the white party kind of deserves a post of his own. Then again is probably my fave outfit of his on the whole show.

James calling out Blair for using him, while mentioning charade feels kind of overplayed now. Anyway he’s already pointing out how Blair and Chuck are the same and that’s why they deserve each other.

“Don’t you see? We’re the same? Stop trying to fight it” “I will fight it to my last dying breath because any resemblance to you is something I would hate about myself” this whole dialogue feels like a premonition.

Serena and Nate kissing and being totally into it while paparazzi plays is the background is just one of those moments. This is the kind of content I’m here for. Only to be ruined by Dan Humphrey.

And here we are again Dan getting mad when he doesn’t have a right to, thankfully karma is a thing in the form of drinks poured all over him

And somehow is Serena the one busy cleaning that suit, useless Dan is useless

Chuck’s “I’m so screwed” face when his PI tells him Blair’s guy is actually a british Lord is priceless.

THREE WORDS EIGHT LETTERS SAY IT AND IM YOURS.

Epic scene aside they both look so good here. This episode is gift in matching outfits.

Dan, Serena and fireworks. 😪 here we go again

I loved this episod the first time I watched it and I think I love it even more so now. It’s really good, full of funny lines, great outfits and epic moments. Season two is as of now my fave season (i think this is also true for many people) and it starts with a bang. Quite literally actually with the opening scene being Nate going at it with an “older” woman, which I guess was meant to be shocking in part because we ended last season wondering if something was going to happen between Nate and Serena.

Sadly it didn’t and that’s my biggest complain for this episode because how on earth did they thought it was ok to waste all that set up, and to add insult to the injury they are like so Serena and Nate are secretly dating... but it is just like a throway line because except for that amazing kiss at the white party we never see them fakee dating and I honestly want to pull my hair out of frustration. Just imagine the possibilities that weren’t, granted fake dating is one of my favorite tropes but it could have been quite the storyline imagine: Serenate fake dates and that sparks the feelings that were pushed aside on S1 but that were always there, and now there’s nothing that can stop them to act on it, except Serena has feelings for Dan too, and she struggles because of it all the first half of S1 until eventually she picks Dan and breaks Nate’s heart, combined with all the other pressures in his life, he wants something easy and this happens to coincide with Blair’s downright spiral and that’s how Nair happens again in the second half of S2.

My point being you could add so many more moments in the Serenate saga, also give more force to the idea the show always tried to do: that Serena can’t really let go of Dan, because Nate and her are quite something and yet... and still have almost the same story on the second half which was important because it gave closure to Nair and also had both Chuck and Blair realizing a couple of things. Alas one can only dream and be happy that at least we got that kiss at the white party

So back to the episode, we learn that Nate is having and affair with a married woman, Serena misses Dan a lot and basically mourned him the whole summer meanwhile he was being an asshole in the City fooling girls he met at his intership and Jenny is working and trying to stand out in her own internship at Waldorf desings. Which reminds me Eric is such a gem of a character, he’s always have good one liners but whe’s also a nice counter balance to all the manipulation and bitchery going around him. Anyway all of these storylines are barely a tease of what’s coming, and they really take off in the next episode, so I’ll get into them then, so at the end of the episode Nate manages to keep the affair goin into the city, Jenny earns a bit of respect from her boss and Serena and Dan see each other again (thanks to Cece which is another character I wish we had see a bit more) they meet at the beach ready to see if there’s something to salvage between them. We’ll see.

The real star of this episode are Chuck and Blair. This episode belongs to them. I’ve seen comments that claim this is the season that made them epic and really take off and I quite agree, and this episode in particular sets up the stage for it, touching on a lot of the aspects that are going to be their arc for this season and even beyond. So at the end of S1 Chuck stands up Blair and she goes alone to Tuscany and he doesn’t goes after her the whole summer. Instead he spends the summer in The Hamptons being Chuck Bass, she ends up in France. We soon learn that while Chuck  enjoyed himself during the summer Blair wasn’t far off in his mind:, the minute she’s back he goes aftet her, roses in hand only to find out she came back with a new guy, and she does everything in her power to rub that fact in his face which Chuck should have expected, it obviously bothers him but truth is they both know this is just Blair trying to get back at him for abandoning her, he hurt her, she obviously doesn’t tell him but he ruined his summer and she couldn’t stop thinking about the motherchucker

Shenanigans ensue but there are bits that really stand out: first of them the heart pinn. That's a telling bit about Chuck’s feelings, when that pin make its first appearance on S1 it was the beginning of the end for Chuck, the meaning of it was what got her to accept going to Cotillion with Nate  and now she has gave it to James and Chuck buys it because I guess part of him couldn’t believe she would go as far as to use that to hurt him, that’s a low blow and she also didn’t gave it to him that week they were going out after the wedding, even though it went really well but most importantly he believes she can’t really feel that way about him because he’s just not the kind of guy someone can feel something for, but specially someone  like Blair Waldorf, who dreams of finding her prince charming and such, and to his utter horror it’s revealed that Blair’s new guy is actually a british lord. Just his luck.

He’s anything but that, therefore not for Blair. He tells her as a much later in the episode when he let’s her know that he basically stood her up because he was afraid of her getting to really know him and see he was not good enough nor someone she could be with. And this is something that’s going to be quite the struggle for him for a long time, more than once during the show he’s going to remove himself from the picture because he believes she deserves someone better who can actually make her happy, and this season this happens quite a few times.

Thing is nothing is ever that simple, and this is the other bit that really stands out for me: when James calls her out on how she just use him to make Chuck jealous she justifies herself by pointing out Chuck’s an awful person, who lies and deceives so he kinds of deserve it, and James points out the fact that well she’s sort of the same, and they deserve each other. She lashes out at Chuck because of this and blames him for her argument with James, it’s his fault she played with James, and Chuck’s point out that no one force her to do anything she did it because they’re the same, meaning they scheme and manipulate to get what they want, so she should just stop fighting this thing between them, she rejects him claiming she would hate any resamblance to him. This whole argument is honestly quite interesting, because variations of it are going to keep popping up the rest of the show, and depending on who you ship you either take literally as if  Chuck is the root of Blair worst tendencies or rather see this argument as representation of Blair struggles not with Chuck, but with herself.

Blair struggles in accepting herself, at her core she’s an insecure person, and the fact that she has a dark side that she can’t exactly change because it’s so deep roothed in her bothers her even before she and Chuck were anything, to me it bothers her not because she really wishes she was nice & good person, but rather because Serena is  nice person, who’s regarded as literal ray of sunshine at times, and Serena got two things she wanted for the longest time: positive atention from Eleanor and Nate’s interest.So that fight within herself was always there, it didn’t appear the day she started dating Chuck, is just that in the same way they brought out the best in each other, when things go bad between them the opposite sometimes happened, and even then when they blame each other for something half the time it was to share some of the hurt and to avoid dealing with their own shortcomings and mistakes. Truthfully Chuck and Blair did something for each other no one had really done for them they accept each other fully, Blair’s able to accept and love his darkness, and for Chuck there’s no darkness in Blair she’s the way she is and that’s what makes her wonderful. It was easier for them to love each other than to love themselves. 

Finally the biggest stand out of the episode is that iconic scene, the one that really puts into place the dynamic they will have for the rest of the season: Three words, eight letters are brought to the table, and they won’t move forward until the words have been said. It makes sense, because they tried this twice before, the first one came out of nowhere and it ended with Chuck getting dumped in favor of Nate, and that burned him badly, the second one Blair was the one who got hurt, and both times this pretty much happened because they aren’t able of telling each other how they feel, particularly Chuck. The first time he didn’t let her know he actually cared and wanted to be with her, the second one he didn’t tell her he was afraid, and all of this was too much too soon. So Blair wants, needs some kind of reassurance, and it makes me wonder how that week after the wedding really went, what happened? how wonderful it must have been that even though he abandoned her a that helipad she still had hope in the fact that he may love her. He doesn’t say it, and yet I still love this moment so much for  because jus by asking him to say it is in some way an admittance on her own feellings, and he fails to saythe words  but he did try, and the fact that he did try is also a form of admittance and as such  from here on no matter what happens, how much they fight and toy with each other there’s always an undercurrent of love behind their actions,and this is (borrowing a phrase from a certain popstar) the most amazing unspoken dialogue ever. 

Random bits I’ve noticed

Chuck has a bouquet of yellow roses for his intent on getting Blair back. If my memory serves right, those were his mom favorites

I’m such a sucker for the little backdrop details like the Van der Bass house having all these background pictures of the wedding

Thanks to Chuck for giving us the rank on Blair’s favorite films: Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Roman Holiday & Funny Face (even if he said Charades to prove a point)

I’ve read somewhere I think it was on twitter that Blair’s crying in the garden scene was unscripted, Leighton did because she got really caught up in the scene particularly by Ed’s acting. I’ve looked it up but so far I haven’t found anything on this.

There’s a bunch of miniature cyclists under the mirror where Cece’s doing the final touches to her hair, looks sort of weird.

that vitamin water is even on the invitation, agust 30, 2008.

[foxymuses]

on the topic of rk900 && his ‘deviancy’

the way that i write rk900 to be is very specific, and it includes a lot, which i will? try to explain? as best i can? please feel free to ask clarifying questions though like i have so much to say about this and im sure i’ll miss something. anyway imma shove this under a cut because i KNOW im about to just fucking go.

so i wanna make it very clear from the get go that 900 is not deviant in the typical fashion. he does not believe that he is a free being with actual emotions and rights to live. there is never a moment where he stops and goes ‘oh shit’ and breaks through that red tape. he never has an ‘i may be deviant’ breakdown. he is not deviant.

however, he is not not-deviant. 

what i mean by this is kind of complicated. let me start with some background into my personal interpretation of the rk900 series in general. they are a series designed for warfare -- the majority of them have been shipped overseas with soldiers to act as a variety of things: weapons, infiltration, an inhuman line of defense to protect the human soldiers --- like. they were specifically designed to be killers, to be dangerous, to be pretty damn hard to stop. they are essentially top of the line terminators -- are they entirely legal? ehhhhhh. but they let the government get away with things that might either kill their human soldiers or are of questionable ethic that they can just.... decommission the android afterwards. that’s their main function, the main reason they exist. 

this is crucial, and i will explain more on it in a moment, but for the rest of this meta i’m going to be using rk900 to talk of the general model series, and 900 to speak specifically to mine (and, in a lesser way, the fandom one in general, though this should go without saying i don’t intend to infringe upon other personal headcanons of rk900 writers)

connor was the rk ‘law enforcement’ prototype, but he also functioned mainly as a playing piece in an android revolution that, let’s face it, cyberlife saw coming a mile away. cyberlife wanted a say. they wanted to have a semblance of control over how to twist the uprising in a way that benefit them. given 900 comes about in a world where the revolution was quelled, cyberlife basically achieved their goal (i’ll touch upon my meta of my machine connor and this in another post). 

the reason this is important is because 900 was implanted with the majority of observations and experiences that connor had. things he learned about humanity, how to mimic it, how to manipulate it, how to use it. things like the events of the revolution in the order they happened, what it was like to be a detective with the dpd, literally like. all the things that connor went through or observed or scanned or downloaded or learned -- these were uploaded into 900.

now, his memories weren’t necessarily input into 900 -- that is, 900 doesn’t have any first hand accounts of most things (from petting sumo all the way to connor ending the revolution). so even if he has an understanding of what being on a case is like, he doesn’t have connor’s exact memories of doing it. it’s more like all of these things have been converted into data for him to retrieve -- it’s been shifted into facts, statements, articles, serving more as.... general history knowledge? like that stuff everyone just knows for some reason? 

but it’s more in depth than that because, yknow, they intended for 900 to be top of the line (yes, 900, not rk900). so all this information from connor was used to boost the insanely vast amounts of knowledge that they input into 900 to begin with -- it was used as contextual information, filler information, you get me? because the main thing that differed between connor and 900 is that 900 was given all the knowledge he needed before he was released, where as connor was expected to observe and adapt. cyberlife took connor’s methods of observing and interacting and adapting to humanity and refined it so that 900 already had that information.

so when 900 was officially done, he had basically anything he might need to know in his software already. he didn’t need to learn anything. 

so let me backtrack a little bit into why i say 900 gets these things and not all the rk900s. 

like i said before, the rk900s were built for warfare. 900 was not. i mean, yes, his model and abilities are all the same, he is still an rk900 model. but he was not built to go to war. the 900 that connor meets in the zen garden is the same 900 i write. that particular rk900 model, 900, was specifically designed to replace connor. the others were mass produced for their purpose as war based androids. but 900 was made to work for the DPD, to sort of take connor’s place, in part because it gives them access to local law, but also because they want to monitor the place where connor was assigned. 

so because of this 900 does not have a purpose. 

he was not developed with any specific goal or mission or duty aside from ‘work with the dpd’, so he doesn’t have the same goal set that the rk900 models are programmed with. cyberlife essentially input all this data into 900, and then didn’t tell him what to do with it aside from ‘just go to this location’ which means that 900 had to figure it out for himself.

this is where cyberlife fucked up big time.

the other rk900 models are designed to be perfect soldiers -- deviancy was basically coded out of them based on connor’s experience (whether or not he went deviant, it was in his code). thats not to say that they can never go deviant, its just to say it would be really fucking hard to make them do that. 

since 900 has none of that, he is inherently different from the rk900 model. when you make an android without a purpose, you have basically created a deviant android from the get go. 900 is more or less his own model, in which there is only one 900, and by default, he works for the Detroit Police Department.

now, generally, this means he’s paired with gavin (gotta live up to that delicious ship, honestly) so a lot of my following nonsense is stemmed from that but the point is that, he gets to decide what his goal is whenever he wants, so it can change, and it does change, and the choice is entirely his own. by all intents and purposes, cyberlife inadvertently created an android with honest to god free will.

so where does this leave us with deviancy? because i can hear ya’ll but fox, you said he wasn’t deviant and now you’re saying he is which is it?

here’s what makes 900, well, 900. as part of the fact that he is so incredibly self-aware, he knows he’s a machine. he accepts he’s a machine. there isn’t any like -- ‘i’m a machine’ with a touch of sadness or regret. he doesn’t wish to be human -- he has no desire to feel or experience human things, or do whatever deviant androids wanted. he doesn’t care about that. it doesn’t interest him in the slightest. and this isn’t because he doesn’t know about feelings or that “how could he know if he doesn’t want them if he hasn’t experienced them” because it’s not like that. 900 has an incredible sense of what things are, what they’d be like -- he got all of this from connor, remember. so 900 isn’t inherently interested in being anything other than a machine, and he holds no misunderstandings about what being a machine entails either.

does that make sense? hold on let me try it this way. because cyberlife tried so hard to make sure that 900′s software had everything, they created an incredibly self-aware android that doesn’t seek humanity because of how well they understand life. 900 doesn’t like or dislike being an android -- he just is. he recognizes that. wanting to be something else doesn’t... compute because it just doesn’t make sense. like why would he want to be human when he’s not? when he can be better and do more? like i can’t even say he’s happy about it because he doesn’t (at first) associate chemical reactions in his system with being emotions because they aren’t. it’s all synthetic.

he is perhaps the most alive an android can get without being alive, honestly.

900 decides that, upon being assigned to work with gavin, that gavin is technically his mission now. as a partner to a detective, but as a partner that is stronger, faster, and can withstand immense damage, he essentially positions himself as a bodyguard for the human. the problem here is that, due to his awareness, his approach to this is.... unorthodox.

900 will let gavin throw a punch at someone who can and will definitely hit back, but he’ll stop gavin from walking into an ambush. he might get gavin a coffee one day without being asked, but then throw the coffee at him the next day when gavin demands one. he has a habit of making sly comments and is known to push buttons and see what he can get away with, testing limits and constantly pressing against the boundaries of what he can do before someone snaps, and then sees if he can go just a little farther. 

900 is very much his own person. he belongs to neither cyberlife nor DPD. he does what he wants when he wants it and how he wants it, and he can, at times, appear very human (albeit one that is obnoxious and at times infuriating). however 900 never lets it be forgotten that he is a machine. he can crush every bone in your body one by one while you’re helpless to it. he can have expressions that are near-humanlike : amused, angry, exasperated. but he will go from lightly smiling to fucking cold eyes and danger just radiating off of him to the point people will actually feel the room lower a few degrees

900 knows he’s a machine. if you even for a moment forget, he will remind you. he has unethically tortured suspects for information, they purposely don’t give 900 a gun at the start because he would get bored and simply shoot whoever they’re investigating and apologize later. he has no qualms about killing, about breaking laws or faces, about doing things the way that he feels like doing them, with or without anyone approving. and if anyone thinks they can stop him, they’re just. good fucking luck.

but the reason he doesn’t do any of this is because he is self-aware enough to know there’s no fucking point to it. his mission is, as he decides, “protect gavin reed” and he will do what it takes for that, which may include punching a suspect or stealing evidence or something, he doesn’t care, but if it serves no true purpose in what 900 is doing, then he consciously decides he’s not going to just.. do it. but the thing is that at any moment he could decide to change his mind. and that’s what makes him so terrifying. he is literally unpredictable.

i ... okay i think that’s what i wanted to say? just as like some added notes, but with gavin, 900 does become.... hmm... softer? he doesn’t soften but he basically claims gavin as his own, like he is assigned to be gavin’s partner but it becomes literally almost a possessive thing. 900 makes gavin his mission, and if anyone gets in the way, they’re fucked. but by attaching himself to a human, he opens himself up to the softer side of being human, so 900 never truly ‘becomes deviant’ because there is never, as i said, a moment where he’s got a red wall that says this isn’t protocol becaaaause he doesn’t have protocol. so there’s never a chance for him to break through it. but he takes care of his partner, makes sure gavin is eating well and sleeping well, makes sure he’s more or less safe, is always in tuned to where gavin is and what gavin is doing, will step in at a moment’s notice if he feels the need. 

it becomes way more.... well, more, if this is a ship with a gavin, but regardless, 900 will have a gentler approach to his interactions with the human he has claimed that will be noticeable. softer tones, less cold eyes, more considerate touches. he’ll listen to gavin (may not always follow directions, but he listens), he’ll defend gavin’s actions, he’ll get angry if something happens to gavin. 900 never explicitly goes deviant, and he never fully accepts that what he feels is.... a real feeling? because he does not fully believe that androids can experience true emotion, so even if he does get angry, or he does feel amused or happy or whatever, it’s based on an extensively coded software that has made him so perfectly able to mimic humanity that it’s basically indecipherable. yes, he cares about gavin in most cases. yes he can feel panic or worry if something happens. but in general, no. he will not feel fear, he is not concerned with death, he can’t experience pain... so.

a last note is that like. this is the reason that he goes by 900. gavin typically calls him ‘nines’ which is only allowed for gavin. but a name is a human thing, and 900 is not and has no desire to be, so he just uses 900. most other people in the DPD also just use 900, sometimes they’ll call him rk which he’s okay with but it’s not his preference. he would’ve allowed gavin to name him if he wanted to but gavin didn’t, so that’s why when gavin begins using nines, that’s what 900 assumes as a name. 900 is comfortable to him, it’s who he is, and he doesn’t desire more than that. 

alright i’m. i’m probably gonna start getting repetitive soon, and a lot of the rest of the emotional aspect is based on 900 being involved with gavin, and thats case by case so it’s can be subject to change, and this post is meant to serve as a general basis for my portrayal of 900. 

[avelera]

hi! im sorry if this sounds stupid, but im supposed to start uni this year, and im reallyyy nervous about it. coming across so many talented authors such as you really makes me feel incredibly stupid in comparison, and i feel like im going to set my own self back. i work really hard to improve my writing by practising and reading a lot, but i know it's never enough. there's so much out there i haven't experienced yet and i want to include but i just don't know how to express it. please help :((

Hey Anon! First of all, I'm really touched by your kind words about my work, thank you so much! And it’s not stupid at all, my dude, no one is born writing we all gotta practice at it. And don’t feel stupid either! Not knowing something is just the process of recognizing that you’re learning and growing, it’s not a bad thing! Every writer, even the most famous in history, struggled with no being able to express themselves, you are joining a GRAND tradition!

Second of all, HOOOO BOY do I understand the anxieties you’re facing right now about uni, so please forgive me for rambling but I've got SO MANY FEELINGS about what to do as a writer going to uni/college.

Uni/college can be a really hard time for writers. While I was at college in the US, I think I went almost three whole years without writing a single word that wasn’t for a class. The writing workshops I took there absolutely crippled my self-confidence, to the point where I really don’t recommend any budding authors take a college creative writing class unless they’ve already got a BUNCH of stories under their belt, and only take the class if they’re not afraid an individual student or teacher will have that one comment that breaks their desire to write or the teacher is already a mentor that they trust, or because they firmly understand that in the real world you're never going to have someone who was forced to read your story for an assignment, so the kind of apathy and dislike you’ll get for your work in a class is extremely atypical and seems almost designed to kill a new writers motivation when they’ve barely even started to write….

ANYWAY, personal rant out of the way, lemme see if I can put together some thoughts that will help you out, and don’t be afraid to follow up with another Ask if I missed something or you want me to expand on something!

Full disclosure, I’m 32 now and I’ve been writing for 20 years (with the aforementioned huge, multi-year gaps in there where I wrote almost NOTHING) and I’ve had a lot of privilege when it comes to my ability to write and freedom to do so.

If you're like me, writing is going to be hard in uni, don’t get me wrong, some people thrive as writers there, but I’m going to speak to my own experience. You’re going to have a lot of reading and writing you have to do for school and that can potentially drain your creative reserves. Be kind to yourself when that happens. The writing will come back. Maybe set aside time to do a 15 minute writing exercise once in a while if you’re feeling down on yourself, but don’t worry if writing isn’t something that happens every day!

Your note expressed anxiety about there being so much out there you haven’t experienced, but uni is great for broadening your horizons! You’re at the beginning of your road as a writer, not the end of it! Course selection is different for everyone and I don’t know your priorities. That said, if you have a chance for an elective, I recommend picking something that broadens your horizons instead of something you’d usually take. Engineering can help with sci-fi (and everything!), history can help with fantasy (and EVERYTHING), heck, accounting could give you ideas for a financial thriller, every course out there will give you new ideas AND even if you don’t have time to take a course for credit, some professors will let you sit in on the lectures for classes you're interested in but don’t have the time/energy/credits to take officially. I got very lucky my senior year and was allowed to sit in on a class on WWII with a world-renowned scholar on the subject just by asking nicely. Didn’t have to do the homework or pay extra or anything, and it gave me so many ideas for stories and fics!

Again, I actually DON’T recommend taking fiction writing courses unless you have a specific professor you have a good relationship with and want to work with or it otherwise comes highly recommended. In my opinion, it's better to broaden your horizons with a wide variety of ideas and courses over “specializing” in writing. To add to that, here’s some totally unsolicited career advice, I’d also say look into courses that build to a career that won’t suck your soul out. Having a career you don't hate, that gives you freedom to write (with time and/or money) and diverse experience to pull ideas from will be a huge boon to your writing career if it’s something you have any interest in pursuing professionally or as a hobby long-term.

Dropping the uni subject for a second and focusing on writing, one of the things I wished someone had told me sooner is that you don’t need someone else to teach you how to write. Sure, it can be really helpful at some point, but waiting until someone can tell you how to write lost me three good years at least. Again, I don't recommend taking creative writing classes in college because they can be debilitating to self esteem if administered wrong. So just keep writing and you’ll be fine! Maybe do a 15 minute exercise if it’s been a while since you wrote for fun and you're feeling down on yourself. But more importantly, be gentle with yourself if you can't get around to writing every day.

- Don’t WAIT to write the story that you’re passionate about right now. Write it now. Sure, future you might be a “better” writer, but future you might have just taken that cool WWII history class and wants to write a WWII vampire story, not about the thing you’re excited for right now. Don’t burden future you with the thing you’re excited about today, let future you write their own thing. Every story you write is going to have flaws, and is going to look awful to you at some point, but eventually you WILL be able to look back on it and see the good as well as the bad, and more importantly, see how you’ve grown and it will be an amazing feeling! But you can't get there if you stop writing entirely or give up on what you're working on.

Uuuh, other than that...just stay at it! This is a numbers game at the end of the day. Writing a bunch is the best way to progress, protect the spark of your motivation like your LIFE depends on it. If someone or something is making you want to give up writing, get that thing out of your life (to the best of your ability)! My philosophy is that the ONLY thing early writers should be worrying about is writing as MUCH as possible. All the editing and advice and “do this, don’t do that” ALL that stuff is meant for so much later in the process. If any advice makes you want to write less, ignore it! If you write 100 stories, or 10 novels, or whatever, the last one WILL be better than the first one, it’s just the super cool thing about working on something! You just have to stay at it! 

[zenzilihasmoved]

totally! i mean, obvs there are the genders and sexualities most people are aware of (trans,male, female and gay, straight, bi) but there are a lot more? (enby, genderfluid, etc and pan,ace,etc) and my family aren’t all that ‘sold/convinced by’ the ‘newer’ sexualities/genders .

oh ok! well here’s my thoughts on what you talked about just now.

so for one thing, “trans” isn’t really a gender in and of itself - i wouldn’t even describe it as a modifier. its like a prefix- “trans man” “trans woman” or, something like “binary trans” etc. moreover, nonbinary(enby/nb), genderfluid, etc are all trans- as in, they do not wholly identify as their assigned gender. “nonbinary”, “genderfluid” etc can also be used as prefixes, “nonbinary woman” etc. obviously i am pro-trans of all kinds considering i am nonbinary lol. most of this paragraph is just me nitpicking on the language you used in your ask so im sorry about that but i think its kind of important (sweating emoji)

on the topic of sexualities, i have no real idea. i’ve seen both sides of the asexual discourse and i gotta say i don’t really have much of an opinion. perhaps that’s just from a lack of knowledge. i think there’s a difference between the way asexual people move through the world vs. how sga people do, but i don’t think that really means they arent lgbt(+??) inherently. but also i dont really think it necessarily means they ARE lgbt(+) inherently either. like i said i do not really have an opinion. however i can say - most use of pansexual as a word comes from a misunderstanding of its predecessor, bisexual. bisexuals are and always have been attracted to all genders! even though “bi” means two- there’s lots of other things like that in the english language after all, and words develop new meanings over time. bi came before pan, the record shows, and means the same thing, so i’m not really sure why people choose to call themselves pan as opposed to bi. i think we should care more about history. i think that the criticism of pansexual as a word to describe a sexuality is valid! especially adding on that internalized biphobia makes it far easier to call yourself by a new word, than an old one with its connotations (ie. the history of the fear of bisexual men as sti-ridden, which is an internalized phobia in and of itself or of bi people in general as cheating and sex obsessed)

something else: it seems to me that a lot of people simplify it a lot more than they should, for instance, “if you want to identify as (x), identify as it!” seems harmless at first . but adding into it the entirety of society, internalized transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, a society that has taught us to hate ourselves (becoming only more complex with the addition of being poor, disabled, neurodivergent, a person of color, etcetera) i think we really need to work harder to see it as really complex, and a journey more than anything. it’s difficult to figure out who we are. that shouldn’t be ignored. 

um. yeah, i think it’s really a lot more complex than a lot of people make it out to be and i think we as a community should work to make each other and ourselves fully understand how truly complex it is. obviously i’m only XX years old and very new to all of this. that also obviously doesn’t excuse me from learning.

also i’m really sorry for the large blocks of text and for being so lacking in knowledge - _ - writing this out revealed knowledge i was missing. so iguess i’ll try to fill these gaps now. i really hope i didn’t say anything ignorant although if i have i guess it’s alright after all, its just a chance to learn... also sorry for overusing this: “--” it’s just way too fun to use 

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

okay, y’all, i’ve gotta back on my tl;dr bullshit soapbox about something:

so, the other day, i was just mindlessly scrolling through my corporate & capitalist hellscape facebook™️ (i.e. LinkedIn) and came across this totally trite mostly bullshit meme that was shared by some corporate executive search man (whose name i decided to crop out bc eh):

so i obviously agree with the last three points on this list, bc god yes my life would’ve been a bit better if I didn’t get all my dialogue about mental health only from teen mags and horrible portrayals in teen tv shows (and also this hellsite). and hell yeah everyone, and I mean EVERYONE needs to learn that failure is okay many situations (like failing a class in uni or school) bc everyone fails at something sometimes. and dealing with failure is HARD. and time management is something that I’m pretty sure everyone lies to fuckin hell about on their resume, bc lots of people really suck at it, myself included. so yeah. that needs to be taught. and i also agree with the “how to manage your health” point. bc thats becoming ever more prevalent and important with career burn out etc.

but entrepreneurship? people management? conflict resolution? creativity? how to manage money? public speaking? like y’all. three of those ARE taught/learned in school, who the fuck wrote this meme? 

for anyone who actually paid attention in maths class, (which is probably very few people outside of the top performing classes), there WAS A WHOLE FUCKING UNIT that focuses on financial maths (in australia anyway). I ignored this unit as well as maths in general at school, bc I generally hated maths and was convinced that I was somehow never going to get a job. but i remember the gist of the overall topic and its subtopics. one subtopic teaches you how to calculate your wages in various contexts (overtime, double-time and a half, holiday payments, im pretty sure maternity leave pay was jammed in somewhere? idk if other countries would have double time & a 1/2 like australia though). another subtopic teaches you how to calculate interest on bank loans and credit rates on credit cards. a third subtopic teaches you how to calculate savings (obvs in terms of discounts in shops)....im sure there was a bit about budgeting in there somewhere? im pretty sure there were some questions were about tax payments somewhere as a subtopic enrichment exercise? but you get my gist. are these not money management skills? in some sense? like if i could find one of my old maths textbooks or old maths books i’d give an example of a question, to make my point stronger. but the problem, like i said before, is that a load of people (myself included) just zone out in maths in high school and stop trying with it. they forget what they’ve learnt, and just remember how much they hated algebra and how they’ll never use it again. maths was one hell of a fucking strong bitch, guys. but maybe i’m wrong.

creativity? excuse me? have people forgotten about art classes? drama classes? english classes? music classes? need i go on? okay don’t get me wrong, most of these classes did focus a lot on memorising quotes or facts about people (artists/writers/poets/composers/dramatists etc) or specific  periods/movements in art or theatre or literature for example.... but the amazing sculptures/paintings etc people created in art for their final projects in year 12, or even in year 10 were works of their imagination. the scripts people write in drama or maybe english (if you had a fun teacher who did a screenwriting unit, for example) are creative asf. especially in year 12 when they do their major projects, where they may produce a monologue or a short movie, and then there’s a group piece. drama students might even make their own costumes for these performances. LIKE AIN’T THAT A LOT OF CREATIVITY RIGHT THERE Y’ALL????? and english. lowly old english. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING TOPIC ON CREATIVE WRITING FOR FUCKS SAKE. the original music people might create for their final projects too in year 12? does that not count as creativity? like yes, i know a lot of these things do still have to meet bs assessment criteria (especially in catholic schools, where the main things are you don’t offend the catholic education office and jesus/god lmao) to be considered worthy of a mark for your year 12 exams. but FUCK. HOW THE FUCK AREN’T ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS COUNTED TOWARDS BEING CREATIVE???????? like fuck your corporate creative ideation or w/e bullshit, Callum. drama and english even lend themselves to improvisation in some instances, like public speaking, which is examined further, below.

next, we move on to public speaking. this shit is basically taught from the first goddamn day of “show & tell” in kindy/kindergarten, and this fucker has the gall to say that it’s not fucking taught in schools? someone call in miley cyrus/hannah montana to throw the fuck down in this motherfucking hoedown BC THIS STUPID-ASS MEME-FUCKER HAS NERVE. i hated public speaking. absolutely hated it. even though it was ironically one of the places i ended up excelling in in english classes. even when i fucked up in my english speeches with like “oh, fuck.... said nelson mandela,  i’ve seem to’ve lost my palm card. wait, shit! there it is... excuse me while i pull it out of my ass. whoops, sorry miss” *bats eyes and finger guns at my year 9 english teacher who has her head in her hands and is done with my shit, while the class laughs at my gaffe* i’d still end up with like 73% or like 26/30. it was baffling. but for people who weren’t the class clown/smart alec like i was from years 7-10 (and like i actually wasn’t once i moved schools).... public speaking is like the leading cause of anxiety, right? like by the time i got to doing speeches/presentations at uni i was having panic attacks... the thought of presenting to my classes made me fucking sick with fear and anxiety. nearly every subject i did at uni (even when i tried to avoid subs with public speaking assessments) and throughout school had some type of presentation/speech whatever you want to call it project/activity in it. even fucking SPORT/PDHPE at school and even philosophy at uni. and these fuckers are saying its not taught in schools. FUCK  OFF. like yeah, i get that they actually mean it in the professional sense.... where people can give the sappy bs motivational speeches or an insightful ted-talk worthy 20-minute presentation... or a great sales pitch. but like??? save that for mike “my dad phoned in to EY and i have a job waiting for me after uni” mcfuck in a business major or law degree? or for clubs like toastmasters? fuck. ok enough of the skills we learn in school. let’s move onto the businesslike-sounding ones of “people management”, “conflict management” and fucking “entrepreneurship”. like. what the fuck? okay in some sense people management and conflict management could potentially be used in managing friendships and relationships in your personal life. but like. i can feel the business underpinnings and i dont like it lmao. like why do you want fully functioning adults straight out of school, franklin? and there’s extra credit conflict management subjects at uni??? or at least my home uni had it... and i never did them bc they were intensive courses during summer break lol. but the one that pissed me off the most was entrepreneurship. LIKE ARE KIDS NOT FUCKING ALLOWED TO BE KIDS NOW????? well  apparently: “NO! YOU MUST ALWAYS THINK OF MONEY MAKING WAYS TO BE RICH! YOU MUST BE ENTREPRENEURIAL!!!!!! YOU MUST GENERATE BUSINESS IDEAS FROM THE TIME YOU CAN FUCKIN’ WALK!!!!! AND SPEAK!!! CHILDHOOD AND BEING A TEENAGER DON’T EXIST WORKER BEE!!!! CAPITALISM FOR ALL!!!! WORKER BEES!!! CAPITALISM IS YOUR FRIEND!!! OWN A BUSINESS BY THE TIME YOU’RE 8 YEARS OLD!” like it’s insidious asf. and it doesn’t acknowledge that most entrepreneurs are already privileged people anyway, who usually have some type of money to start off their venture (or that’s what it feels like anyway). and yeah throw all the “THIS BOY IS AN ENTREPRENEUR AT 18!!! 18!!!???? BY STARTING HIS OWN BUSINESS AT 12!!!! WHAT A CHAMP! 😁🙃” clickbait news stories at me, but i don’t fucking care. the concept and perceived over-importance and almost preaching mindset of entrepreneurship is slowly becoming insidious and toxic asf. call me paranoid. but that’s what it feels like.

but with those last three topics, i want to make a point that school curriculum’s (in australia at least, and probably worldwide) are so jam-packed already with sport (which is pointless and shitty), geography (ok how to read maps is important, but i never bothered to learned to do it properly), history, science, english etc etc etc..... that like.... where the actual fuck are the gonna jam the above bs (people management”, “conflict management” and entrepreneurship) into the curriculum???? and also teachers are already over-worked enough as it is, they don’t need another load of shitty subjects pushed onto them. and they sure asf don’t earn enough (especially in the states) to have this bs pushed into their subject schedules either. keep them at uni, where they should be. or just in the workplace/in the general public where they belong. and if people suggest that you could probably push these subjects into the year 11/12 business studies programs or elective commerce courses in years 9/10, save your goddamn breath. like i remember looking at business studies hsc papers in years 11/12 to see what they did.... and it was pretty chock-a-block anyway. and my experience of my year 9 commerce was horrible, to say the least. let kids be kids, for fucks sake. they shouldn’t have to be fully functioning adults in the workplace, by the end of high school, for fucks sake. AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS NOT AN ESSENTIAL SKILL????!!!! FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT, WILHELM. anyway. that’s my rant over about how i hate how corporate people are trying to be #relatablewiththeyouth🙃 with their shitty versions of “10 things i wish we learned in school” memes.... and failing.... without realising that this is why millennials are suspicious and cynical about meme usage by corporate people/corporations.

[shakespearean-tc]

Last day of school post?

Originally posted July 3rd, 2019 Ok so i guess it wasnt my official last dayof school but it was like a month ago and i decided to,,, talk about it??? since i never did and it was literally like ugh my heART this is basically more stuff about A so if you arent interested ignore this post

So,,, the last day that i really went to school was this thing that ,,,, idk if other schools do it but its lagoon day where the seniors go to Lagoon and like half the teachers go to chaperone, right??? So i got there early because I always get to school early and I saw a familiar mess of brown hair and i just got hype??? My heart practically did the happy emote and he turned around and smiled really big and he was like “M!!!! Hi!” and he waved and stuff then he went up the stairs because he was heading to the class he was subbing for (that was before class)

Later my friends came to school and i was just kinda sitting there being a dork and daydreaming and then i was like “OH YEAH A is here!!!” and my theatre friend was really happy yknow and we jsut talked for a while and i was like “man i wish he was subbing for my french teacher, but i know hes not because she didnt hire a substitue because she knew like no one would come” and so i got a little sad but yknow i knew id see him at lunch and stuff

well the bell rang and i headed up stairs to the french room and it was empty from what i saw so i popped my head in and GUESS WHO WAS SITTING AT THE DESK

YUP YOU GUESSED IT

So i played it cool because i can totally do that yknow and just kinda leaned against the doorframe and i was like “well, fancy seeing you here.” and he looked up and smiled again and laughed and he was like “are you following me?” and i laughed and sat down in my desk and i asked him how he was etc etc and we jsut talked for a while until the bell rang signaling that class was to start but??? no one walked in??? and so i was talking to him when two of my friends walked in and stuff and so we just?? sat and played cards all period long?? i say this but we actually (A and I) broke into song because I mentioned this musical I really love (Hadestown) and A kinda stared at me for a minute and his eyes went wide and the conversation went as such:

A: “Wait, you like Hadestown?” Me: “Yeah? I LOVE Hadestown.” A: “I… I love Hadestown too! I just didn’t know that anyone liked it.” Me: “Okay, wait- What’s your favorite song?” A: “Well, Way Down Hadestown is SUPER great, but the one I really love is Wait for Me or Hey, Little Songbird. I wish I had Patrick Page’s voice. What about you?” Me: “Hey, Little Songbird is literally one of my favorites. Also same?? I wish I could sing as good as anyone in the cast.” A: *he smiled and started singing it (his vocal range is tenor so he hiked up the key and we changed the tune a bit because yes)*

So we literally ran around the room singing Hey, Little Songbird and like, 17 other songs from miscellaneous musicals. My other friends joined in too and it was so much fun

Obviously, we were still in school, and so that class period had to end ;-; I had Physics next and I was whining to him how I really didn’t want to go. He turned to me and said “Listen. You’ve gotta go to class M. If you actually get permission from your teacher to come back, then fine. But I don’t want you to skip class because you missed me.” I agreed, begrudgingly and headed to Physics, which was literally across the hall.

I went in talked to my teacher and was back in the french room in like under 15 minutes

The classroom was empty and he was just sitting at the teachers desk playing pokemon on his frigging nintendo ds and i laughed and he looked up and was like “oh hey, i didnt think you’d be back” i told him my physics teacher told me i could leave since,,, she doesnt really like me and i had already done everything i needed to do like fr its the end of the school year why would she want me to hang out in her class for an hour???

anyway i hopped up onto the table and we just,,, talked??? about everything??

I told him I was super bummed about school ending and not being able to go to Drama class everyday. He told me he was worried because him and his girlfriend were having a lot of issues lately and he was struggling with knowing to stick it out or just break it off. I told him that I was not gonna influence his decision whatsoever, but that whatever he chose,,, he needed to keep in mind that HIS mental and physical health was the most important at this point. We eventually brushed that subject away because I told him I would be of no help at all bc,,, ive like never been in a healthy relationship so i didnt know what was right and what was wrong - i dont remember how but i think he asked me how class was going and what classes i was going to be happy to be done with and i was like “hOOOO BOI HISTORY CLASS fOR SURE” and he kinda laughed and was like,,, “what why”

and i just weNT OFF telling him how trashy of a class it was and that no one would pay attention and that my teacher would always rant about democrats and liberals and just say all this garbage about how trashy immigrants were and etc etc and he just sighed and he apologised that i had to deal with a teacher like that and we started to talk about some prick in that class that went off about how rape isnt rape if she doesnt outright say no

me and A just,,, bonded over mutual disgust for this kid haha

anyway after that i just kinda,,, decided to lay down on the table bc i was tired and i kinda sighed and stared at the ceiling. I think A could tell something was up with me because he asked me what was wrong and I kinda gave him a “nothing is wrong im fine” kinda mumbled response. of course this is A and he obviously knew i was lying so he asked me again and i jsut kinda started to choke up and I sat up with tears in my eyes. Immediately he was like, “Omg what’s the matter whats up” and I just,, broke down and told him I was super worried about my friend who he knows as well. I told him that I was stressed and that I felt like our friendship was mostly one sided. That I was just there because… I was the one that put everything into our friendship and instead of her giving AND taking as well, it was just her taking and taking and i was left in the dust. I basically poured my heart out to him and told him that I didn’t want to break things off because I didn’t want to hurt her but I told him that my mental health was suffering gREATLY. Of course, he took my advice and shoved it back into my face. It went something like this,,, A: “You need to take care of yourself. You. Come. First. You put everyone else before you, and that’s such an admirable trait, but you need to take care of yourself as well. Your mental health is in danger because you refuse to put yourself first. And you need to. At least, every once in a while. Anyone is lucky to have you care so deeply for them, but… you need to step back and be selfish for a while.” (I kind of flinched when he said selfish, because I have a big issue with that word, and I guess he noticed) “Why do you- You don’t like that word. Selfish. You don’t like it, do you?” Me: “I just… I’ve been called selfish a lot by my family and past friends and romantic… partners…? I don’t like it at all.” A: “You? Selfish?” *he laughs* “Bull. You’re one of, if not THE most selfless people I know. Listen to me. It is OKAY to be selfish sometimes. Not all the time, yeah. But you need to take care of yourself.” Me: “I just… I love my friends so much that I… I’d rather that I be miserable and they be happy, because… then they’re happy. Y’know?” A: *he smiles, but I think it was kinda a sad smile because his eyes looked a little tearful* “M. You have a heart of gold.That’s rare nowadays. In my opinion, it’s a blessing and a curse. You just need to learn to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life.” The conversation kind of… fizzled out after that emotional,,, discussion but we did talk about college and I asked him a lot about being a student teacher. The bell rang, we said goodbye and??? That was really it? I visited him at lunch and we ate and talked a lot more because I had a bunch of questions about college (i’ve been thinking about going to the same college that he is because they have a really good teaching program) but that was,,, pretty much it. School’s been over for a while and I just asjdfajf i miss him a lot this post was so  long super super sorry haha have a good day i guess??? end of the post??? how do i finish this whatever goodbye yall haha