#i had chapter 2 written but i forgot to post it...

[inklingofadream]

I just finished my latest nonfiction bedtime book, which was Paperback Crush

It's a very fun tour through the themes and esoterica of 80s and 90s scholastic book fair fare, the things "we all" remember (more or less; many of the same series were still going strong in the 00s)

And I cannot emphasize enough. How little I am included in "we all"

Not a single book until the chapters on "Danger" and "Terror" when we get to books about ghosts, kidnappings, etc

The stuff she talks about at the beginning of every chapter/section? Establishing the candidates for first YA novel or the beginnings of children's books about the genre to hand?

Like 70% hit rate. The long list of Stratemeyer Syndicate detective stories? Not only was I into Nancy Drew, with her tens of thousands of reviews per book on Goodreads, and Trixie Belden, with her thousands, I read (thrift store find) The Dana Girls, who are lucky to have a book break 100 ratings or reviews, and who have shot up fabulously in popularity because when I was a little kid I could not, for any price, find additional books on ebay

Haven't read a single book in the "Romance" section... except of course for the supporting point for romance being a big driving force in all eras of the history of English-language publishing, Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded. For a class, sure, but I do regret renting that one instead of buying my own, and will probably end up doing so eventually (Its first half-ish could go up against any "Dark Romance" pull of today, except for how the author absolutely does not know that). It's literally the only one I read as an adult, though.

Sicklit YA, especially then, has a lot of vibes of Victorian etc era stories about angelic, virginal heroines driving others to self improvement with their illness, it's true! What's that? Your example? What Katy Did! Not merely a moderately-obscure pull in which the heroine suffers a debilitating spinal injury and eventually is cured when she cheers up a little (lol. lmao. yes really, with a side of "not being a tomboy" to bolster that), it is of course. Unironically. Second grade Ink's actual answer to "what's your favorite book?"

Not even in a hipster way. I didn't even realize it was that old until, in something of a pattern, I was old enough to find out from Wikipedia that it had sequels. Which, in something of a pattern, I could not lay hands on- but more because the original was an audiobook in our local library than difficulty of acquisition, they're public domain now. By the time I was up to the physical book version I had been gifted a vintage copy of What Katy Did At School :)

So Like. If anyone finds a book covering through a nostalgic lens the literature from the childhood of those growing up any time between 1850 and 1970 let me know, I guess!

[fuzzybirdie]

Hero of Changing Faces

ch.1 pt 2

The line for the ride was a bit shorter than expected, but then again, it was 9 in the morning. There also seemed to be an event going on somewhere in the park, some people (actors?) were walking arround in the restricted area wearing clown masks and absurdly large shoes. After the ride, he'd have to ask where the event is so he could avoid it. (Clown trauma)

The ride had 12 seats, 6 rows of 2. And danny was sat right in the middle, row 3. The bar came down, securing everyone in their seats, and they were off. The lift part was covered in a bat themed tunnel, to give people something to look at during the slowest part of the ride. There was a PA system installed as well to welcome people to the ride, or warn of emergencies when getting off the ride.

"Welcome one, Welcome all, to the Ride of your Life!" The announcer/operator had a flamboyant cadence to his voice and was very openly enjoying his job. "About halfway through the track, riiight after the loopdeloop, there is a hole in the tracks! And unless our Dear Batsy can find a way to stop the ride, everyone here will take aaaa eeehhh 20-30 meter drop to their deaths!"

Danny no longer thought the person cackling on the PA was an announcer.

Sure enough, as they saw when they exited the bat-lift-tunnel, right there, after the loopdeloop was a giant gap in the tracks.

Now, Danny would be fine. Being in his ghost form would ensure that - heck, just being a halfa would ensure that! Everyone else though? Very very solid humans. And humans, being solid rather than gasseous would go 'splat' very easily. So, Danny Needed to stop the ride.He could freeze the wheels to the tracks, and the gears to each other? Worth a shot.

Danny grabbed the sides of the ride, reaching over the gentleman beside him, which he'd appologise for later, and began carefully branching ice toward the rails. The ride was slowing down, but not enough. "Holy shit!" The mother behind him whispered "Are you freezzing the wheels?"

"Not enough" Danny grunted, his ice reaching more towards the gears and couplings."You can do it, chum." The gentleman soothed, placing a warm hand on his back.

"Focus on the axles," a girl in stained overalls advised, "they run right along a vehicles undercarrage, and are integral to making wheels move. If this is anything like a car there should be some."

Danny nodded, slowly expanding his ice all over, as everyone whispered encouragements. The ride got slower and slower until they got to that loopdeloop. Everyone closed their eyes and braced for impact as Danny let out one final push of ice.

The ride climbed,

Jolted,

And stopped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

prev / next

Thanks for reading! This is chapter 1 done, chapter 2 is written, and I'll post that maybe in a week? Anyways! Hope you enjoyed! And even though it's not quite showing it yet, this story is fully based on the prompt i've linked below. Go check it out!

Edit: I FORGOT HALF THE TAGS!

[missingn000]

a note about tpg's hiatus

hi everyone!! i've missed y'all <33 i want to share a quick note on tpg's hiatus, and how long it will last.

first and foremost, the tl;dr: i will not abandon tpg. the story remains incredibly important to me, and this hiatus is only that: a hiatus. i will return eventually, and while i am not exactly sure when "eventually" is, i hope to begin updating again soon.

now the long explanation. tpg's hiatus has lasted much, much longer than i expected. it wasn't until i took a break that i realized how mentally and emotionally drained i was after writing 600k+ in 2 years, along with being an engineering master's student then starting a job in aerospace. especially after writing sukuna's backstory (75k+ words in one month), my brain was utterly fried. all in all, it's been a lot.

as some of you may know, i started watching one piece in september. and i love it! it's an incredibly fun, well-written feel-good series. it's been a refreshing mental break to engage with a new series, especially since jjk canon has been so disappointing in both content and writing quality. 

if you check my ao3, you'll notice i took a break from jjk with other series in the past: namely dr. stone, sxf, and natsume yuujinchou. this is necessary for me to remain creative and explore narrative themes that i bring back to tpg when i return to it. but by the time my recent hiatus started, it had been well over a year since i engaged with any other series than jjk, and it was starting to take its toll on me. i'm almost caught up on one piece now, which means i'll be able to focus on tpg again soon.

when i return from tpg's hiatus, updates may be slower. releasing 15k+ word chapters every 2-4 weeks was incredibly mentally taxing and required much of my time and focus to constantly be on the story. it wasn't healthy, and other areas of my life were impacted negatively. it can be easy to forget that i'm a real person with real-life responsibilities writing this story in my spare time for free -- even i sometimes forgot this. 

another note on why taking a break has been so necessary is my mental health. when season 2 released and toji + satosugu was animated, the fandom exploded and tpg's readership drastically increased. while this meant an influx of amazing love and support, i also started to receive rude and hateful comments and messages.

don't get me wrong: not everyone has to like tpg. that's totally fine! but as a very sensitive person, receiving hate took a huge toll on my mental health and motivation, and i have needed time to recover from it. i've been doing better mentally lately, and have taken some measures to reduce unkind interactions. i'm working on becoming less sensitive in the meantime so i can handle it better if/when it happens again.

since i've been feeling guilty about not posting jjk content, i haven't been on tumblr quite as much, but i'm still around online on both discord and instagram. mutuals can request my priv @chiidoriii on IG, and my discord is @MissingN000 -- just shoot me a message with who you are when you request! i'll still post fic updates on both new stories as well as tpg content and previews on tumblr, so please stick around :)

thank you so much for your patience with me! i love you all so much, and truly appreciate your support. love, chi <333

[topsyturvy-turtely]

Did you ever wrote a sickLock fic?

omg i swear- i was DONE with this post... then i exited tumblr for a few min and EVERYTHING WAS GONE 😭😭😭 took me more than half an hour and HERE WE GO AGAIN 🥲

anygaaays~

hi nonny! thank you for your ask!

i haven't really written sickfics as in one of them has a fever and the other takes care of him... but i wrote one sickfic and other stories where stitches are needed... or just hurt/comfort:

Sherlock in Quarantine. M, 2.776 words. Sherlock got COVID and has to isolate himself from his family. So, what happens to a genius locked in? You guessed it right, he promptly saves the entire earth.

Notes and Needles. T, 2.837 words. 2/2 chapters. One day, Sherlock insists on teaching John how to play the violin. That day John is conflicted about his feelings towards his ex-flat mate. Another day, Sherlock gets injured and John needs to stitch him up. That day he burns a lasagna and his alleged heterosexuality.

It bothers you. Why? M, 1.557 w. Sherlock had noticed that John always distracts him from his scar. The curious detective finally dares to test that boundary...

Missing. M, 1.127 w., 1/2 (maybe 3) chapters. Sherlock didn’t usually call anyone. He was calling John for the fourth time now. Nothing. Two times endless ringing. The next two times it went straight to the mailbox. Sherlock hit the green button again. This was getting disconcerting…

Let Me Fix You. T, 1.932 w. John gets injured during a case. He is pissed as hell. And determined he will stitch himself up. It's not his fault he forgot that Sherlock actually cares about him.

So Close, so Far out of Reach. T, 1.209 w. A case. Two injuries. A doctor. And a detective who can't keep still, because the closeness of this specific doctor makes him fidgety.

i am not entirely sure what category i am listing here but i feel like this one also needs to be added:

Hurt Soulmates. Gen, 1.586 w. John is tearing himself apart with his self-hatred. Why? Because he is visiting Sherlock in the hospital. After John himself beat him up. He tries to fix it, tries to apologize, but will his attempts ever be enough?

probably not what you asked for but maybe you'll enjoy it still? 😅

[murkycran]

Misc. Vox Fic Rec List

Welcome to my Miscellaneous Vox Fic Rec List!

Soooo after a lot of consideration, I decided to make a third rec list. This one will be for miscellaneous fics, which can mean anything from smaller Vox pairings to fics that are not strictly Radiostatic or VoxVal. You'll see what I mean.

I will keep updating this periodically as I read more fics, too, so feel free to check back every once and a while! I'll reblog it when I update it, plus make a note with the date at the top. Trust me, this is by no means a complete list; there's fics I still want to add to this that I just haven't gotten to yet. I just decided to go ahead and post it anyways, because if I kept waiting until I ran out of fics to rec I'd probably be working on this forever.

These are not in any particular order; I'm going by both my Bookmarks list on AO3 and my memory of fics I forgot to bookmark. I also tried to make notes on what fics were written before season 1 released, but I might have missed some, so keep that in mind.

Please let me know if any links don't work or are wrong!

✨Before you proceed:✨ read the tags on these fics if you decide to read them. Many of them have heavy material - no surprise given the fandom, but still, felt like this needed said. On that note, there's also fics with explicit material and some fics are straight up PWP. Again, read at your own risk/heed the tags.

Fic Rec List Masterpost

Radiostatic Fic Rec List

Staticmoth Fic Rec List

------

Alastor Makes a Porno by Charnel_Goat, spappest

Summary: Alastor interrupts Val and Vox's personal time to get his rut over and done with, and they're just going to have to deal with that.

Basically, Alastor and Val try to have a threesome, but they keep arguing, everyone's injuring each other trying to figure out the logistics, and nobody cares what Vox has to say about any of this.

Notes: This has Staticmoth, Radiostatic, and Valastor. It's not strictly leaning more towards any pairing (tho Val does make a pretty sweet comment at the very beginning about Vox lol), which is why it's going on the Misc List. Porn with an edge of hilarity that - despite the tags - made it pretty funny. Three terrible people being terrible to each other. Vox suffers. Heed the tags.

He's Visual, Alright! by dead_boy

Summary: For Valentines Day, Charlotte Morningstar— Lucifer’s brat— had announced the hotel would be hosting a sweetheart poll, allowing winners to vote for the biggest ‘sweethearts’ in Pentagram City! How adorable!

— Of course, when Angel gets involved, things get a little twisted, and hell treats it as a most-fuckable-celebs poll.

Vox isn’t the only one surprised by how high he scored, and how concerning the amount of votes he received was.

But there was no way in hell this “demand” was enough to make him give into Valentino and Velvet’s newest fixation: Making use of this fame and making Vox do some modelling!

Surely he won’t mind the lingerie and toys provided by Velvet and Valentino respectively, right?

edit march 2024: i can’t believe he just won the hottest hazbin character poll. literally manifested

Notes: Poly Vees. Funny af. Vox suffers, but in a good way. Written BEFORE the hottest HH character poll, can you believe that? Lmao.

stray by vol_ctrl

Summary: How Vox met Vark. ♥

Notes: No ship. Written before season 1 release.

After the Credits Roll by leftofrevolution

Summary: Everyone knew the Magnes sometimes liked to spice up their sex life by dragging another demon into the middle of it.

Vox maybe should have paid more attention to that particular tidbit of information than he did.

Notes: Lilith/Lucifer/Vox. Chapter 1 written before season 1 release, with Chapter 2 being released after season 1 release. I read for the crackship, ended up liking the Lilith/Lucifer/Vox dynamic and world-building a LOT. Lol. Poor Vox. Or good for him? Still has yet to be seen.

The Shopping Cart Test by spappest

Summary: Angel never expected Prince Charming to have a TV for a head, but when Vox kills Valentino and saves him from his abuse, well… Maybe Hell doesn’t have to be all that bad. With Val out of the way, everyone can have a happy ending. Angel’s safe, Charlie’s happy, and even Alastor finds love.

Oh, wait. This is Hell. It’s always that bad.

Notes: Angel/Vox. Started before season 1 release. First Staticdust fic I read. :)

Hold Me Up by Sameko

Summary: Vox has been in and out of a relationship with Valentino for years. Always breaking up. Always coming back.

Then one night comes the definitive crack at the expense of one of Valentino's employees, to which Vox never paid much attention other than for shits and giggles.

One night, one word too many, might be enough to shift the perspectives of two people once strangers to each other.

Notes: Staticdust. Pretty bleak and dark at times, but so, SO good. Two broken people trying not to cut each other with their edges while also trying to help each other.

Cruel Melody by Hiding_Behind_a_Pencil_and_Pen

Summary: A man hopelessly in love with a monster, despite how much it hurts.

A person chained to a beast he can never escape, no matter how hard he tries.

Vox and Angel Dust have given their body and heart to Valentino, and neither know how to free themselves from his lies.

But maybe, even if it never gets better, they won't have to suffer alone.

Or,

What if Husk was just a little too late to get to the bar in episode four? And a certain media Overlord helped Angel instead. They find out that they're not so different after all.

Notes: As of now, I think this is Queerplatonic Staticdust.

Revelations in Technicolor by Awesome_Possum

Summary: Velvette had been dead for six years, part of The Vees for four, and fucking Vox for a little over two. They had a good thing going.

On one of their bi-weekly Vox-mandated movie nights, Valentino put a plan into motion and Velvette learned something new and surprising about her business partner and part-time sugar daddy that made a shocking amount of sense.

It ultimately ended up bringing The Vees closer and if Valentino claimed that was his intention all along, no one had any reason to believe him.

Notes: The Vees are a V and Vox is the hinge, so he's in a relationship with both Valentino and Velvette. Interesting headcanons for Vox's human life. :) (What is the ship name for Velvette/Vox again?)

System Shutdown by Swoolie

Summary: Taking a leaf from Alastor's book, Vox goes on a small break from everything.

He doesn't stick around long enough to see the chaos that ensues after his sudden disappearance.

Notes: This is tagged with both Radiostatic and Staticmoth. It's too early in the story to tell definitively which direction it's going to end up, so for now it's going to be on the Misc list. I'll probably move it when it becomes more clear what the main pairing will be.

Dapple Rose by The_Penny_Tails

Summary: Everyone always assumes the same thing about Alastor and Vox's relationship: That it's one-sided, that it's based on fixation, and that the reason for their falling out was due to the obsession turning into something that couldn't be controlled.

All of those assumptions are correct. The only problem is, everyone gets the 'who is obsessing over whom' part of the equation wrong.

When Vox and Valentino end up stuck at the hotel, suddenly the entire relationship between the radio and television is put on display, casting it and Alastor in an entirely different light.

Notes: Tagged with both Radiostatic and Staticmoth. Due to both this and the entire story itself (you'll see what I mean when you read it), it's going here on the Misc List. I freaking love this story, because so far I've not seen another fic where Alastor was obsessed with Vox while Vox was not obsessed with him in return. :3 Everything Penny_Tails writes is gold!

Here I Come by Heliosolar

Summary: Vox contemplates his lackluster life as he stands over the edge of the city.

Or, the fall of Vox, both mentally and physically.

Notes: Written before season 1 release. No ships, just Vox. Heed the tags.

Entertainment for Two by Heliosolar

Summary: With the radio demon joining them for the night, Vox puts on a show the two overlords will never forget.

Notes: Written before season 1 release. Staticmoth and Radiostatic, at the same time. 😳

Proposition by Snorp_Lord

Summary: Alastor does not, strictly speaking, have a 'relationship' with the King of Hell. But they certainly have a something.

A something which does not include Vox. But Alastor is at least willing to indulge Lucifer in whatever this new idea is.

The new idea is Vox.

Notes: Contains Radiostatic, Radioapple, and Staticapple, but for this installment, Radiostatic is definitely the focus. Very intense, pretty sweet. 😳 Has 2 more parts in the series which are definitely worth the read, though they don't feature Vox as much.

meteor shower by spoondrifts

Summary: alastor, rosie, vox, and a study in non-traditional love.

Notes: QPR Alastor/Rosie/Vox. Very good! (What's the ship name for this?? Radiostaticrose?? Radiorosestatic?? Roseradiostatic?? Staticradiorose??)

spiraling down thy majesty by spoondrifts

Summary: “Okay, um, time out,” Lucifer said, because he felt like they were maybe losing the plot a little. “I feel like I should remind you that I’m not here because I was like, uh, overwhelmed with lust for you, in particular. I’m here because Husk said you were Alastor’s ex and I have poor impulse control and thought it’d be funny, but I’m realizing now that this is actually just really weird and you, my friend, have some serious issues that I am not equipped to handle.”

Or: Lucifer and Vox have a shared problem that starts with Al and ends in stor and has a in the middle—thankfully, there's a solution! (The solution is sex. It's just sex.)

Notes: Staticapple. Revenge sex. As in...they're both getting revenge on Alastor...using each other. Lol.

(Fic rec list to be continued as I read more)

[suckerfordylansstuff]

New Journey (S.H.) Chapter 3 Season 4

Pairing: Steve Harrington x henderson!reader

Summary: Back to Hawkins for spring break. Y/n believed it would just be a quiet time to cherish with her loved ones, but one day in and another mess had already began.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of drugs, angtsy

Notes: Okay, let's cut to the chase. The season is written and I'm going to be posting a new chapter everyday. Thanks for the patience. Please enjoy and stay safe out there! 💕

Gif not mine

Chapter 2 << Masterlist >> Chapter 4

You thought your ride there would be quiet, but of course, having Robin with you meant anything but that. You were sure Steve had talked to her about what happened between the two of you and even if you weren’t in the mood to talk about it, you were also sure Robin was dying to bring it up. You just waited to see how long it would take for her to spill it out.

So, after five minutes of silence, Robin’s voice filled the car “So, you and Steve huh? I bet you had fun last night.”

“I know you know, Robin.”

“Know what? I don’t know anything.” you sent her a sideways glance and it was all it took to break her “Fine, he told me this morning. What exactly happened?”

“You know what happened. I asked him to move in with me like I told you I would do and he freaked out for some reason.”

“Why?” you knew what Robin was doing. She was perfect at playing the psychiatrist to get all of your secrets, and you hated the fact that it always worked.

“That’s the question, why? Like, if you’re not ready, that’s fine, but don’t start acting like the mere idea of us living together is awful to you.”

“That’s how you felt?”

“Yeah… I know he didn’t mean it like that, but can’t he just communicate like a normal human being?” you voice got smaller with every confession you made.

“We’re talking about Steve here. Of course, he can’t.” she saw your face scrunching up in thought and immediately forgot about her joke “Hey. It just threw him off. I don’t know what scared him so much, but I do know that his love for you is much stronger. It’s honestly kind of annoying how obsessed he’s with you. For example, the candlelight thing he did last night? He had that idea over a month ago and he would not stop talking about every single detail he wanted to include. Also-” you sat in silence as you listened to Robin ramble on about Steve and his antics as she jumped from one point to another without trying to make sense of her narrative. It brought a small smile to your face, hearing your friend go on and on about anything and everything, a nice distraction from what’s happening around you.

It was only when you arrived at the address that she stopped talking and walked over to the rest of the group. You got out of the car and walked next to Dustin, who was handing out flashlights for all of you to see. How does he have so many of them?

You just shook your head and started looking around before walking with Dustin and Steve to the front door. You stand beside your brother as he begins ringing the doorbell once, then twice, and after getting no answer he starts pressing the button repeatedly in frustration.

“Hey, knock it off.” you hit his hand away from the bell.

“Okay. Well, that’s settled. I guess he’s not here.”

“He’s not going to come answer to anyone knocking on his door. I mean, he is a drug dealer.” you said

“Okay, so how to we get him to come out here without alerting him?”

“I don’t know.”

Right after you finished your sentence, Dustin started knocking on the door while yelling Eddie’s name “Look, we just wanna talk, okay? No cops, I swear. We just wanna help.” he knocks again “Eddie!”

“Say it louder, try telling everyone we’re here.” you told your brother sarcastically, but you accomplished nothing as he continued to do as he pleased, yelling out Eddie’s name before switching it to Rick’s.

“Don’t scream that.” Steve told him, but Dustin once again ignored everyone, his stubbornness getting the best of him.

“Rick!”

“Dustin!” you whisper-yelled his name.

“He’s not there.” Steve

“Reefer Rick!” he yelled one more time before giving up “He could just be really high…” he tried to reason with you and you just groaned, fearing your lead was getting you nowhere.

“Is that a foot?” Steve suddenly asked, pointing at something with his light.

“What?” you pushed through Dustin to take a look yourself.

“No, that’s a shoe.” Dustin said after inspecting it and before this bizarre conversation could continue, Max’s voice interrupted you.

“Hey, guys!”

You quickly walked over to her to see what had caught her attention. Before you stood a lake house, that was previously covered by the trees. The perfect place to hide, you all thought. So, you started inspecting it, Robin being the first one to poke her head inside, calling out to see if someone was here.

“Is anyone home?” she said after walking inside, you going in after her, the rest following.

The door creaked until everyone was inside as you began looking around for any clues this place could offer you.

“What a dump.” Steve said out loud as he walked in before you heard him click off his flashlight. You turned to see him on the opposite side of the boat with an oar in his hands while he began tapping the boat in front of you. It made you stop in your spot, and just watch him with furrowed brows.

“What are you doing? What are you doing?” Dustin repeated his question when Steve didn’t respond.

“He might be in here.” he responds, never stopping nudging the boat.

“So, take the tarp off.” Dustin said as if it was obvious.

“If you’re so brave, you take the tarp off.” Steve whined and carried on with his poking. You just shook your head at their behavior. At least Dustin was being cold with Steve too, not just you.

“Hey, look over here.” Max called out for you, pointing at the table in front of her. Both you and Robin stood beside her as you inspected the opened candy wraps and the empty beer bottles “Someone was here.”

“Do you think they heard us?” you questioned.

“Probably. Got spooked and ran.” Robin answered you.

“Don’t worry. Steve will get him with his oar.” Dustin joked.

“I know you think you’re being funny, Henderson, but considering everyone in this room has nearly died about a hundred times, personally, I don’t find it funny in the slight-” Steve hadn’t stop poking the oar and you ended up getting tired at both the boys’ uselessness.

“Oh my God, just take it off.” you swung off the tarp when chaos corrupted.

You yelled loudly in shock when you saw a body stand up from the boat. In surprise you pulled backward, your arms reaching out for Max and Robin to not get closer, but they weren’t the ones you had to worry about. You watched the stranger grab Steve’s body, push him into the wall with force, and place a broken beer bottle near your boyfriend’s neck. Your legs moved quickly alongside the girls, pulling you over to Dustin who kept a distance between the rest of you and Steve. Being closer to the spectacle you were able to recognize the stranger as none other than the person you were looking for, Eddie Munson.

“Eddie! It’s me. It’s Dustin. This is Steve. He’s not gonna hurt you, right, Steve?” Dustin called out for Eddie, desperately trying to calm him down before Steve quickly agreed with his younger friend. You just held your breath, your eyes never leaving Steve’s face and the bottle next to his neck.

“Steve, why don’t you drop the oar?” your brother said with a careful tone and you all watched Steve let go off the oar. But the sound it made when it hit the ground, seemed to startle Eddie and he pressed the sharp edge even further into Steve’s neck. You whimpered at the sight, your body moving forward without thinking, but Dustin stopped you “He’s cool. He’s cool.”

“I’m cool, man. I’m cool.” Steve repeated.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie finally spoke, his voice filled with fear.

“We’re looking for you.” Dustin told him.

“We’re here to help.” Robin explained.

“Eddie, these are my friends. You know Robin, from band.” your brother pointed at Robin behind him, who nervously imitated playing her instrument “This is my friend Max. The one who never wants to play D&D.” Max waved at the punk “And my sister. Y/n. You know her, I’ve told you about her.” you let out a soft hi “Eddie. We’re on your side. I swear on my mother. Our mother. Right, guys?” you nodded at Dustin’s words, the rest of the guys agreeing.

Eddie just looked at your faces for just a moment before letting go of Steve, who grunted over his relief, far away from the broken glass. At the sight you immediately moved over at Steve, not caring about Eddie, and grabbed your boyfriend’s face.

“You okay?” you moved his head to the back to see if there was any damage on his neck and let out a breath when you saw that no blood was spilled.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” at that moment you had forgotten all about your fight and made a promise to yourself to only talk about your future once you ensured that there would be one to talk about after you figured out what the heck was happening this time.

“Eddie. We just want to talk.” Dustin had moved over at Eddie, attempting to disarm him, but Eddie flinched away “Okay.”

Eddie looked terrified, crouched down on the floor. He couldn’t look away from the ground, his hand trembling as he held on to the bottle. You weren’t sure if you were afraid of him or for him.

Robin carefully leaned down, meeting his eye level “We want to know what happened.”

Eddie shook his head, answering after his sniffles surrounded you “You won’t believe me.”

“Try us.” Max told him.

You stood before him as he started explaining what he saw. The kids were sitting in front of him, while you, Steve, and Robin were standing in the back. You hadn’t left Steve’s side as your hand grasped his arm to make sure he wouldn’t leave, that he wouldn’t get in more danger.

Eddie’s words were shocking. He explained why Chrissy had come with him to his trailer and how at some point she just lost all control over her body. He described her lifting up into the air, her bones snapping one by one. Even after all the terrible things you’ve seen, you couldn’t imagine something so horrible happening to someone.

By the time Eddie’s story ended, he was even more shaken up. He looked around at your faces and scoffed “You all think I’m crazy, right?”

“No. We don’t think you’re crazy.” your brother told him.

“Don’t bullshit me, man! I know how this sounds.”

“We’re not bullshitting you.” Max’s voice was serious.

“We believe you.” Robin tried to reassure him as well.

“Look, what I’m about to tell you might be a little… difficult to take.” Dustin said.

“Okay…”

“Do you know how people say Hawkins is… cursed? They’re not… way off. There’s another world. A world hidden beneath Hawkins. Sometimes it bleeds into ours.”

“Like ghosts and shit?” he asked, trying to understand was his little friend meant before Max answered.

“There are some things worse than ghosts.”

“These monsters from this other world… we thought they were gone. But they’ve come back before. That’s why we needed to find you.” Dustin explained to Eddie.

“If they’re back again, we need to know.” Max said and you decided to step in to see if Eddie’s incident could lead you anywhere. You already knew about the flickering lights, but any further information would be useful.

“Eddie, that night, did you see anything?”

“Dark particles, maybe?” Eddie shook his head at Max’s words.

“It would almost look like dust, swirling dust.” Dustin tried to build a picture in Eddie’s brain about what exactly you were looking for.

“No, man, there was nothing you could see or, uh… or touch. You know, I tried to wake her, man. She couldn’t move. It was like she- she was in a trance or something.” he answered you.

“Or under a spell.” Dustin said in a different tone than before, one telling you that he was onto something.

“A curse.” Eddie immediately picked up on what Dustin was saying.

“Vecna’s curse.” you closed your eyes when you realized what they were talking about. Great association by Dustin once again, you thought.

“Who’s Vecna?” Steve asked from beside you.

“An undead creature of great power.” Dustin and Eddie began explaining.

“A spell caster.”

“A dark wizard.”

Even after their descriptions Steve was still confused over Vecna, so you spoke up “A D&D character.”

Which made Dustin scoff and turn to look at you “Don’t ruin it.”

“Hey, we’re back.” Steve said as he entered the kitchen, finding you on top of the counter while you drank a glass of water.

“They got everything?”

“Yeah, change of clothes, everything they needed. Grabbed some stuff for you too, they’re in Dustin’s bag. Also told your mom and Max’s that we’re just having like a movie night/sleepover, so they wouldn’t worry.”

“Yeah, good job.”

After leaving Eddie back at the lake house, you told them that it would be best if the rest of you stayed together, to form a plan, gather information, and, also, keep everyone safe. So, you ended up in the one place with enough room and with no one else to ask questions. Steve’s house.

He had just returned from driving everyone around Hawkins to go get some stuff to spend the night at his.

You watched him take his jacket off before sighing loudly “What a day, huh?”

“You could say that again.”

Steve didn’t need to look at you for a second longer to see that you were upset. Being thrown back into the nightmare of a situation was hard for all of you, but he knew you were the most anxious one of them all. Your nightmares make it impossible for you to sleep some nights and you end up calling him to calm down. Always trying to help everyone else and not you, always trying to figure out any possible outcome, and not taking a moment for yourself.

So, when your eyes shot up to look into his and he saw how they glistened, he realized you had been crying and it broke his heart.

“Hey, we’re okay, we’re fine, right? All of us are here and okay.” he placed himself between your legs as his arms hugged your waist, pulling your body into his. Your own hands easily settled themselves around his neck while your head relaxed on his shoulder. You took a deep breath, his presence bringing you at ease.

“It can’t be the same thing again, can it?” you certainly felt like you were in denial. You knew it had to do with the Upside Down, you just hoped it would be an easier fight than the last time.

“I hope not.” his palm stroked your back in soothing circles, helping you relax.

“I just…” you pulled your head away from his shoulder to look at his face “I thought after Hopper and Billy, after their sacrifice, I thought it was finally over, and now…”

“I know.” he nodded his head, but he unfortunately didn’t know what to say to make you feel better. He knew it sucked, it was terrible and very dangerous for all of you, and he couldn’t sugarcoat that. He couldn’t hide you all away till it ended, and you all knew that the only way to get over this was with your help. No one else knew what you did and no one else could save this town than you, once again.

So, Steve just settled by placing a soft kiss on your temple before jumping on to the next topic he couldn’t stop thinking about while he drove the rest of them back “Y/n, listen, about this morning, I didn’t mean-”

“I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t care right now. I care about us- all of us.” you hugged him tighter, your face squeezed into his neck and your words getting muffled “Let’s just focus on this now, okay? We’re okay.”

“Whatever you want, baby.”

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[mintywolf]

(I wrote this on the train coming home on August 26th although I am just getting around to posting it now because time is a weird soup.)

So okay.

****

I haven’t written a personal journal post in a long time but I want to write down EVERYTHING I can remember about my adventure to NYC to see the Critical Role cast so I don’t forget. It was SUCH a moving experience and I’m so glad I went even though I was scared.

So okay my big goal for this year was to finish the first chapter of my C3 prequel fan comic A Long Road Home (southerngothiccomic.com), have a print edition made, and meet Laura and Marisha at a convention so I could give copies of it to them in person. When the CR cast announced they were going to be at Anime NYC this year I figured that was the closest they were probably going to get to me in Virginia. (And getting autographs at NYCC is reportedly like hunting a unicorn so I figured this would be my best chance.)

I was also terrified, and almost talked myself out of it because I was nervous about giving them the comic, even though I already had a badge and it was what I really, really wanted to do. I know the cast loves to see fanart — and also, it has been revealed, reads the fanfic — but it’s also a pretty well-known taboo for a fan to show their fanfic to a creator and a graphic novel is an unholy hybrid of the two. I was also worried that it would seem presumptuous of me to present them with a fanmade prequel graphic novel because there’s almost certainly going to be an official one at some point, and afraid that at best they might politely tell me they couldn’t accept it (for the reasons that comic writers aren’t “allowed” to read fanfic), and at worst they might be kind of annoyed that it exists. Either way I’d be REALLY sad, and in the weeks leading up to the con I worked myself up into an irrational panic about this. Fortunately my friends managed to talk me into not backing out (and spoilers: it turned out okay in the end!) but I was still very scared.

Also I was so focused on the comic stuff that I forgot until after GenCon earlier this month to think of what I wanted to actually have autographed. I decided to get a big print of the chapter one cover from INPRNT, assuming that since I ordered it two weeks in advance with an eta of 5-7 days that would be plenty of time for it to get to me. Well, reader, it was not. (But please do not let me dissuade you from using INPRNT! To their credit when I contacted them and asked if I could upgrade to rush delivery, they expedited it for free. Unfortunately even with rush shipping it just missed me, arriving at my house while I was on the train to NYC.)

Pâté on the train going to see his biological parents. (Laura and Marisha.)

When I saw that it wasn’t going to arrive in time I was starting to panic because there is nowhere near me to have art prints made. It’s a 15 minute drive (past the alpaca farm) just to get to the nearest grocery store. Grasping at straws I was kind of like Should I . . . draw something? On paper?? With real media that I haven’t used in like 10 years??? I only have 3 days!!!

Fortunately my life was saved by @emphaticembroiderer who had the brilliant suggestion of sending my art ahead to a print shop in NYC and picking it up before the convention. There are indeed MANY of those in New York and I managed to find one that was open on Saturdays and able to make my print on short notice. (567 Framing on W 14th street. The owner, Jack Hu, did excellent work and was very kind!) By that point I was frazzled and didn’t want two of the same print so I decided to be self-indulgent and had this one made. Not my showiest piece but it is one of my favorite things I’ve drawn. (This turned out to be the correct decision.) It’s a 6 1/2 hour train ride from here to there (and it got a little delayed along the way) so by the time I got there it was after 5 and the print shop closed at 6:30 so I zoomed over there straight from the train station to pick it up. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY, and the owner was pleased with how happy I was with it and that he’d been able to help.

He enjoys that he is included.

Then I went and checked in to my hotel and that point really just wanted to lie down on a bed but I had plans to take Pâté to see Hadestown on Broadway that night because I wanted to make the most of my trip. (Also it’s important for our scrungly son to receive a cultural education.) In keeping with the theme of the weekend I wore the Laudna-themed sundress I made for GenCon with one of the poppies in my hair. An usher told me they liked my ensemble. :) I had decided to go for a front row mezzanine seat because I didn’t know when I’d ever have this opportunity again and I didn’t want to risk my miniature self being stuck behind a tall person. It was perfect; I could see everything and the performance was AMAZING. Pâté had a very good time too.

The next day was the CR panel and autographs!! I decided to wear my 1950s Laudna cosplay from GenCon. I had some doubts about it when I got there because without the rest of 50s Bells Hells the theme isn’t as clear and outside of a DnD-focused convention the recognizability of a CR character is kind of low, let alone an AU variant on one. But once I found the Critters my Pâté poodle skirt was appreciated. :)

This is Rach @dadrielle, Astoria @astoriacolumnstaircase, Abby @overnighttosunflowers, and me as 50s Hells at GenCon!

And okay I know this said a lot but it’s true, CR fans are the NICEST fandom to be a part of. <3 If you’re ever standing in line for a CR thing by the time you get there you will have new friends. (For comparison the other-fandoms cosplayers I saw at the hotel and on the way to the con didn’t even return my smiles, even though we were all clearly going to the same place.) I fell in with a group of people who were near me in line (including an amazing Owlbearman cosplayer) and we decided to all sit together. The panel was really great. I don’t remember everything that was asked because of everything ELSE that happened later that day but they hinted that Big Things are coming (including multiple live shows!! Please come to Richmond! Or DC! Or at least somewhere on the East Coast!) for the 10th anniversary and Momlan stepped up to the mic during the Q&A segment and revealed that Sam has achieved his childhood dream . . . to become a minotaur. :D

With the mindset of making the most of this trip I had intended to try to get a spot in line to ask a question but I was hesitant about being on camera (even in cosplay) and while I was dithering about it like 50 people got in line. (I was also Suffering by that point because my rockabilly Laudna shoes have like 3 inch heels and after walking from the hotel to the convention center I didn’t have the fortitude to dart over to the line in them.)

My question, which I hope to submit next time there’s a Q&A opportunity, was this: For Marisha. We’ve seen Delilah’s influence manifesting in Laudna’s fashion choices recently. Now that she has the means and the freedom to do so, what kind of clothes would she choose for herself?

(Because I am a little sad that — until a possible post-campaign oneshot — we’ll never get to see a high-level Laudna costume that’s totally of her own design and I’m really eager to know what it would look like! Let her be spooky and free!)

Afterwards the cosplayers were being rounded up for a photo shoot but I was anxious to get a good spot in line for my autograph with Laura at 2pm so I stealthed away with Ken (@elissabrat), a Jester fan I had met in line, who knew where they were and had one with Travis at the same time. When we got there we were told No, go away and come back in an hour and a half, because it was still only 12. So we went to the Artists Alley where we found a girl named Lea whom we had also met in the panel line and collected a few other stray Critters (Ken has a boisterous and inviting personality and importantly, is very tall, preventing the rest of us from getting lost in the crowd) and we wandered around seeking out all the CR fan artists we could find. (There were a lot! It was great. I got some prints.)

by Cait May and Maliveth

Around 1 we decided to go back and see what the line situation was. Before we parted ways I exchanged twitter handles with Lea, who looked at my profile and said “Wait . . . this is you?”

She told me she was a big fan of my comic and looks forward to it every week! and we were both kind of like !!! at each other for a moment. I had never met someone who recognized my art in the wild before. (On ANY other day this would have been the most amazing thing that happened to me, haha.) I was so touched to meet her. <3

I took out the two books I was carrying and explained why I was there and we all got hyped up about it. And it made it feel a little less daunting, to know that there was someone there who understood the quest I was on and how close I was to the end of it.

I was like 5th in line for Laura and since it was still early I got to participate in that bonding experience integral to every con, sitting on the floor in cosplay, with a very good Vex behind me. (Hilariously, even after the dig at them — or maybe unaware of it — in the most recent episode, there were a lot of Funko Pop resellers around us, haha.)

I sent word to Southern Gothic Discord to remember me fondly in case I died here. In fact I'm not entirely sure that I didn't.

It felt like there was a disproportionate amount of fanfare revealing my print because I kept it how it was packed by the printer, wrapped in paper in between two pieces of cardboard so it wouldn’t get bent, so there was this whole ceremony of peeling back the tape, turning under one of the cardboard protectors, unfolding the paper, and turning over the print. But Laura loved it. She made like a happy sob when she saw it (it was really cute) and she looked at it for a long time taking in all the details and said it was beautiful. <3 <3 <3 (No matter how much we love and ship Imogen and Laudna, NO ONE loves them or is shipping them harder than Laura Bailey. She asked if I was going to bring it to Marisha too and was careful picking out a spot so there'd be room for both of their signatures. :))

I told her I was really happy to meet her because I’ve been a fan since BloodRayne (so, um. 20 years) and she said “oh wow, that was OG days!” And she gave me just a really kind look like she understood how much it meant to me to be there.

Then I gave her the comic. You all were right, I was worried about nothing! because she is the sweetest and she loved it. I very nervously pushed it across the table and said it was a comic I had made and wanted to give her. She picked it up and started turning the pages and was surprised when she saw what it was. “Wait, this is a whole novel! You made this?”

I confessed that I had, and she asked how long it had taken, I told her about a year (it was actually longer; in the moment I kind of forgot not how many pages there are in the first chapter but how many weeks are in a year) and she looked just really impressed that I had made it and touched by how much work had gone into it. She said she couldn’t wait to read it and seemed really excited to hear that it’s still going online! (So no pressure on me there if she's keeping up with it now, haha. o.o) And she kept looking between the book and me like she couldn’t believe it.

Then she asked me if I would sign it for her. :')

Somehow I survived long enough to do so! (a little wobbly because my hands were shaking) and someone (I think it was the ticket scanner) made a joke about how I was the first person to give an autograph at a signing, haha. And then she came around the table and gave me a hug. <3 <3 <3

After that my soul was still on the ethereal plane but the rest of me managed to find my way (after a brief wrong turn) to Marisha’s line. (There was a really good Keyleth and Caduceus in line behind me and they kindly noticed and returned the Pâté sticker that fell out of Marisha’s book).

She recognized my cosplay as 1950s Laudna right away! which was very validating after my earlier indecision haha. She loved the Pâté skirt and thought the scissors embroidery on my collar was adorable. She really liked the art too and was kind of like “Awww” about the book like in an “aww it’s an Imogen and Laudna thing” kind of way (she also liked the glass bottle windchimes on the cover and I love that she noticed that detail because Laudna’s penchant for turning things other people have thrown away into arts and crafts is one of my favorite aspects of her character) until she opened it and started looking through it.

Then she said, “Wait, this is actually really good," and she asked me seriously if Liam “Art Dad” knew about it (I said he had liked some of my other art on Twitter but I didn’t know if he knew about the comic) and then she said — still looking at it, more to herself than me — “We’ll have to add it to our art catalogue.” I don’t know exactly what that means (and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high by speculating; I was too !!! in the moment to ask and now I’m going to be wondering) but . . . it sounds . . . exciting??

They also both enjoyed Pâté and his lil sunglasses. :)

I had gone up with the intention of asking my other burning question: How does being cold-blooded affect Laudna in cold climates? If she gets too cold will she enter a state of brumation like a lizard? Will she freeze solid?

But I forgot. And it really wouldn’t have been the right moment. Maybe when I come back with Volume Two. :)

You’re supposed to pay extra to get a quote put on there but they both did it anyway without even asking. I think they must be really pleased when someone brings them something personal that they’ve made to have signed and not something they’re planning to sell.

After that I just kind of floated away from the con even though it was only like 2:30 haha. Nothing else could have happened there that would have equaled or improved upon that experience. Although I did adopt a Tentacle Kitty. The vendor (correctly) guessed “you look like you’d vibe with our spooky collection” so I had to get a new buddy for Pâté. (50s Laudna, still readily identifiable as a witch wherever she goes.) Also I saw a very chill emotional support pomeranian in a backpack.

(On the way back I saw the mark of the Traveler graffiti’d in green on the sidewalk. Truly a blessed day. :P)

Afterwards I just sat on the bed in my hotel room amid the floof of my crinoline wondering what even is my life for the next few hours and being like !!!! at Discord. Then I met up with Abby (whom it was wonderful to see again!! thank you so much for coming to see me) for dinner and had a really lovely time going over the What Just Happened of it all and talking about Imodna over strawberry pancakes. As one does. Perfect ending to an amazing day. <3

It was SUCH an incredible, exhilarating experience, thank you everyone who pushed me into not giving up out of fear. Laura and Marisha are SO nice and gracious in person and it was just so rewarding, after all the work and love and time I’ve put into this comic, to be able to finally bring it to the people who inspired it! And to see it appreciated and admired by them! It was more than I ever could have imagined.

This fandom is the best. My heart is so happy and full of love right now. <3 <3 <3

[candycandy00]

Roses in the Sky - An Original Alien x Reader Story Part 5

In a future where humanity huddles in decaying domed cities controlled by alien invaders, you and your best friend Anna work as make-shift nurses in a tiny clinic run by the young doctor Terrian. The city is ruled by the aliens' violent, half-breed offspring who serve as brutal overseers. You and Anna have always tried to avoid these overseers at all cost, but your life is changed when one of those same terrifying offspring is brought into the clinic, injured and unconscious.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

This is an original Alien (well half alien) x Fem Reader story! I hope everyone who enjoys my fanfiction will give this a shot! Any feedback whatsoever would be loved! I’ve already written this story so it’s not going to delay my fanfics. Just thought I might post chapters of this between fanfics if anyone is interested.

Slow burn, as this is a novel-length story, but there will be smut in later chapters! Also: violence, blood, rape attempts, death of side characters, etc.

“Hurry and check Terrian! He might still be alive!" you yelled to Anna as you dropped to your knees beside Vartan. He was still conscious, but curled into the fetal position, holding his stomach. Blood was pooling around him. You touched his shoulder, and he seemed to jerk slightly before he looked up at you.

"I believe my wound has reopened," he said calmly, his voice denying that he was in any pain whatsoever. But sweat rolled down his forehead as he struggled to sit up and he hissed a little as he moved his arms from his abdomen and looked down.

You helped him unbutton his jacket and slipped it off his shoulders. The bandages were still there, but they were now soaked with blood. "I have to get these off," you told him.

"Hey!" Anna cried from across the room, her voice frantic. "I found a pulse! He's still alive!"

You leapt to your feet and ran to where Anna was kneeling beside Terrian's body. Together the two of you rolled him over onto his back, getting his face out of the puddle of his own blood. His glasses fell off, and a large bruise was becoming visible on his left cheek. 

You figured one of the half-breeds must have punched him through the face with their full strength. Humans had died from less force, so Terrian was lucky to be alive.

You and Anna stood up and each grabbed one end of Terrian's body, lifting him onto the nearest cot. Anna looked desperately at you. "What do we do now? I've never treated a head injury before! Terrian always did it himself!"

You had your hands on your forehead. "I don't know! Does he have a concussion?!"

"How would I know? What if he has brain damage?! What if he's in a coma?!"

"Oh, God... I don't know what to do! I don't think there's another doctor in the whole city!"

Anna was crying again. "We can't just let him die! He's... he's all we have!"

Vartan climbed to his feet and limped over to the cot where Terrian laid motionlessly.

You were both surprised, and stepped back while he looked Terrian over. "I don't think the injury will cause permanent damage," he said.

"How do you know that?!” Anna practically screamed.

"We have been studying the human body for years. I have some basic medical knowledge."

"And you think he's going to be okay?" Anna asked, a little more calmly.

Vartan nodded. "I'm not certain, but he appears to only be unconscious. The position and color of the bruise indicate that his brain did not receive the majority of the impact. If I'm correct, he should regain consciousness soon."

"But all that blood..." you said, still staring at Terrian.

"Came from his mouth. Three of his teeth are gone," Vartan replied, pointing to Terrian's slightly gaped mouth.

Both you and Anna burst into tears, hugging each other and then laughing loudly. You were so relieved that you almost forgot Vartan was there, bleeding and on the verge of passing out. He was leaning against the wall and his hair, wet with blood and sweat, was hanging messily in his eyes. The two of you rushed to his side, allowing him to lean on you as you helped him to the back room, where the medical supplies were.

Once in the room, you sat him down on a stretcher and he carefully laid back, wincing with every move. You headed over to the counter to get alcohol and thread, when you caught Anna's eye. "Are you okay with this? Helping him?"

Anna gave you a meaningful look. "He saved us. If he hadn't gone against them, I don't even want to think about what would've happened. I hate half-breeds, but I owe him. Big time."

You nodded and then you both ran back to the stretcher to begin sewing Vartan's wound back up. It took you a little longer than it had when Terrian was helping the first time, and your work was a little more clumsy, but you managed to close the wound and stop the bleeding.

Amazingly, Vartan never screamed once, although he did occasionally grunt when the needle pierced his skin. By the time you were finished, he was exhausted and practically immobile while you bandaged him up. He fell asleep just as you looked up to tell him you were finished.

You turned out the lights and quietly left the room, returning to the main patient area to sit by Terrian's bed. You did your best to ignore the sight of the dead, scattered patients, splattered across the walls and floor. To keep yourselves distracted, you and Anna talked.

"Why did you come back?" You asked her.

Anna gave you a weak smile. "I couldn't leave you and Terrian here. I couldn't let you deal with that, not alone."

You looked down. "It must have been horrible for you, how close it came to... to what happened before."

Anna smiled very brightly then. "Yes, it was horrible at the time. But now that it's over, I'm really happy! I fought back! Look, I even have that bastard's blood under my nails where I scratched his face!"

You looked at her, surprised. "Yeah, you really did good!"

Anna laughed, then looked at you seriously. "Before, I was just a kid. I was thirteen. The minute they came in, they told me not to move a muscle. So I didn't. I was too terrified to even flinch, even when they killed my mom and brother. I didn’t even try to help them! And afterward, I felt so guilty. I kept asking myself why I didn't try to fight back. I know I couldn’t have stopped them, but I should have tried! And I promised myself, that if I was ever put in that position again, I'd fight with everything I have, even if it gets me killed. That's why I'm really proud of myself today!"

Even though she was smiling again, tears were forming in Anna's eyes. "I was so scared today, but I didn't run away! I fought back! I faced them! I... I made it right."

You stood up and wrapped your arms around Anna. You stroked your friend's hair as tears fell down your own face. "Yeah, you made it right, Anna."

Anna was crying hard again, and you held her tightly. "We're such crybabies today, aren't we?" Anna asked though her tears, laughing now.

You laughed too. "Yeah, we are.”

"Am I in heaven? I hear two angels talking.”

You both froze, then looked down at Terrian, who was looking up at you with half-open eyes. You both practically tackled him, encasing him in your arms. He laughed, then groaned. "Oh, my mouth hurts," he said, sitting up.

"One of the half-breeds knocked out a few teeth," Anna told him, sitting on the bed beside him.

Terrian groaned again, this time louder. Then he looked both you and Anna up and down. “You're both alright? What happened?"

You and Anna looked at each other for a moment, then you sat down on the cot across from Terrian's. "We came back in to help you, but the half-breeds over-powered us. They were about to kill us when Vartan came in and convinced them to let us go."

Terrian's eyes became large and wet. "You mean you almost died while trying to save me?"

The two of you nodded.

He suddenly stood up and pulled you both into his arms. "I knew it," he said, his voice cracking. "The moment I met you two, I knew you were good girls!"

You and Anna blushed a little, but smiled and laughed as Terrian cried. The family was back together. You were all alive and healthy, and that's all that mattered.

Terrian suddenly stepped back. "Wait, you said Vartan saved us? Where is he now?"

"He's in the back room, asleep," Anna said.

"Asleep?"

"They punished him instead of us," you told him, "and his wound reopened. Anna and I stitched it back up, but I think he ended up passing out."

"I'd better go check him," Terrian said, walking past them. You followed him into the back room and turned the lights on. To your shock, the stretcher Vartan had been lying on was empty, only a crumpled sheet remaining. The back door was open, and the crisp night air drifted in, sending shivers down your back.

The three of you discussed Vartan, explaining to Terrian what had happened to him but leaving out the more embarrassing details of what had occurred while he was knocked out. Neither you nor Anna wanted to worry Terrian any more than you already had.

You spent the rest of the evening cleaning up the bodies in the main patient room. You were appalled by the bloodshed, but Terrian was an absolute wreck. He loved his patients so dearly, far more so than you or Anna could comprehend. You often thought he viewed each and every patient as his own child, no matter their age. It was he who often stayed at the clinic over night, feeding the elderly soup or reading stories to the children. It was he who constantly talked to them, got to know them on a personal level. And it was he who now stood in the center of the room with tears streaming down his face as you and Anna hurried to wrap the bodies with sheets and carry them to one corner of the room.

Terrian had taken the news that the clinic had been shut down very badly. He didn't say anything, but you could tell he was deeply upset. After you moved the last body to the corner, he told you he wanted to burn the clinic. 

"But why? They just told us we can't take any more patients in," Anna said. "We don't have to destroy it! We have so many memories here!"

Terrian looked at her sadly. "I know, but it's not the place that made the memories, it's the people. The clinic serves no purpose if we can't help anyone. And besides," he said, glancing at the bodies in the corner for the first time, "we have to give them a proper funeral."

"Funeral?" you asked.

"We can't burry them all. There's not enough land for that and it would take way too long. So we should burn them."

You and Anna were quiet for a moment, then both of you finally agreed. The three of you cleaned out the back room, boxing up all of the supplies and anything that could possibly be useful later. Once it was all done, Terrian poured out a bottle of alcohol onto a sheet in the middle of the main patient room and lit it on fire with a match. You exited the clinic and stood with Anna and Terrian outside on the street, watching it burn.

Terrian turned to you and Anna. "I'll be expecting you at my house starting tomorrow. For your new jobs."

"What new jobs?" Anna asked.

Terrian grinned at her, the first time he had done so in the past few hours. "You're my new maids!"

You and Anna smiled to each other. "We'll be there, Doctor."

You parted ways once again, the last time the three of you would ever do so on that particular street, in front of that particular building. It was still burning furiously as you walked toward your apartment. It was later than usual, and the streets were fairly quiet. At least the blazing building behind you provided plenty of light, though the half-breeds would show up soon enough to put out the fire. 

You wondered about Vartan, why he had left without saying anything and where he had went and why he had really helped you. But most of all, you wondered if you would ever see him again. All but one of your meetings had taken place at the clinic, and it was where he knew to find you. Even if by chance you saw him on the street, he would no doubt be with other half-breeds and you wouldn't dare approach, no matter what had happened between you. 

You shook your head as you unlocked your door. Why did it even matter if you would see him again? He was a half-breed. He was a monster, regardless of what had happened. The female half-breed was probably right, he probably just wanted to have his way with you and then toss you aside. That's what half-breeds did.

You opened the door and stepped inside. You reached back with your right hand to shut the door behind you, but someone grabbed your wrist. You jerked yourself around to see who was there, and found yourself face to face with Vartan. His jacket was still unbuttoned from earlier, leaving his chest and bandaged abdomen exposed. His grip on your wrist was firm, but not tight or painful. He seemed tired, weak.

He looked you in the eyes and said flatly "I'm coming in."

Tag List:

@scrumptiouslampwobblercop

[otomefiend]

Victor & William Rex

Story Event: Villains want to bother little 'Robin'

Epilogue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3 Premium

Pardon me, I completely forgot to post this. 😅 The grand conclusion to their antics. Those two ❤️🖤

~~~

The night with Victor and William was so enjoyable,

I was sad to see it end.

These two men read my desires like an open book.

~~~

Victor: "Haha, what a lovely expression, Kate. Can you tell me what you want right at this very moment?"

William: "Kate -- tell us what you want."

Kate: "Victor, William. Would you stay with me just a little longer --"

Victor • William: "Of course!" • "With pleasure."

~~~

They invited me to Leadenhall Market at night.

Due to the late hour, it was so quiet that the usual hustle and bustle of the place seemed like a lie.

(...... The shops are closed. It's already this late)

William: "Heh, you're so cute with your thoughts written all over your face."

Kate: "What, oh... I'm sorry. After all, you were kind enough to bring me here."

William: "Even if the shops are closed, there are other ways to have fun."

When he looked at Victor, the latter seemed to understand his intentions and smiled in return.

Victor: "On this street, most shops display their recommended products in their windows."

Victor: "So we can still do some window-shopping in the middle of the night."

Then Victor took my right arm, William took my left arm, and we started walking.

William: "Kate. Those shoes would look beautiful on you."

Victor: "William has great taste. Let's come back later and buy whatever catches our eyes."

Victor: "That bag over there looks amazing. The vivid colour would suit you well, Kate!"

(.... it's so much fun. I had no idea I could enjoy myself to this extent)

Kate: "Ah..."

William: "Did something draw your attention?"

Kate: "Um, ...that ...dress on display over there is really nice."

Victor: "How marvellous! It's so lovely you'd turn heads all over England if you wore it."

William: "Looks like it comes in two colours, red and black..."

Kate: "Which one do you prefer...?"

William: "It's best if you choose the one you like, but if it were me, I would say..."

Victor • William: "I'd go for black!" • "Most certainly red."

Victor • William: "........."

Kate: "Pfft...hahaha. Looks like there's no agreement."

Victor: "Then we shall buy both, the red and the black one."

Victor: "-- You can wear them on our respective dates, one with William and one with me."

He winked and smiled mischievously.

Victor: "Ah, you've become a naughty girl for toying with two men, haven't you Kate?"

William: "Heh.... maybe we taught you some things we shouldn't have."

Victor: "Good, naughty girls are welcomed."

Kate: "Ugh.... please, don't make fun of me."

Victor • William: "Hahaha!"

The two men looked more defenceless than usual, laughing in the middle of the night and clearly having a great time...

(... am I okay to think it's just my privilege to have two such people by my side?)

I couldn't help but feel that selfish desire to monopolize.

William: "What about you, Kate? Is it time for the good little Robin to go to sleep?"

Kate: "... You know what I want to do, don't you?"

Victor: "Still, we'd like to hear it from you."

(... Seriously, you two are so troublesome)

Kate: "Please, stay with me as long as I'm awake..."

William: "Mhm, as you wish."

William: "Victor, I think you mentioned before that there's a pancake place around here that's only open at night."

Victor: "That's right, it's behind that alley. We can have a late-night feast, how splendid!"

(...... it's fun)

(So ​​much so that I will certainly dream about those two when I fall asleep tonight)

Even the night breeze felt more pleasant than usual by their side.

~~~

It was a quiet night after the day upon which Kate became the Queen.

Chubby man: "Haa... I need to hurry."

A man carrying a large bag hurried down a narrow alleyway.

At that moment, the sound of someone whistling a tune could be heard, followed by the fluttering of a jet-black coat...

Two long shadows blocked the man's path.

William: "Good evening. Hmm, are you setting off on a journey judging by the heavy load you carry?"

Chubby man: "...... and you are?"

Victor: "Introductions can be such a hassle. By the way, it's a shame that your last night's plans at Oxford didn't pan out."

Chubby man: "...... you're the ones who killed the guys?"

William and Victor smiled in confirmation.

The man grabbed a bundle of notes from his bag with his fingers covered in gold rings,

Then held it out towards the two men.

Chubby man: "You're that group of assassins hired by Her Majesty, aren't you?"

Chubby man: "I'll make you a better offer! Not a bad deal, right? Yes? Yes?"

William: "Too bad. I don't remember being hired by anyone, nor do we plan to be hired in the future."

Victor: "Indeed, we condemn others of our own volition."

Chubby man: "Huh...? W-What condemnation... you're just a bunch of murderers!

William: "Hmm? Murderers... us?"

William: "You're right. Evil is evil, sin is sin, punishment is punishment."

William: "It can never be reversed; it should never be."

William: "For this reason we -- conquer evil with evil."

William: "`Cut you throat with this knife. Right now`."

Red droplets sprayed everywhere.

Looking unexpectedly beautiful whilst painting the blackness of the night.

Victor: "Mmm, your curse truly is dazzling. I fall in love with it every time I see it."

William: "I'm honoured by your compliments."

Victor: "By the by, William. Would you like to relay the details onto Kate?"

William: "No...? I'd rather not."

William: "Waking up the peacefully sleeping Kate is definitely not amongst my favourite pastimes."

Victor: "Haha. Yes, I suppose not."

Victor: "Maybe just let her hear your lullaby."

Victor: "As for the conclusion to the evening... I'm also in favour of keeping it a secret."

William: "And why is that?"

Victor: "...I want us to remain the kind queen and the gentle aide in Kate's eyes."

William: "Heh, you're a wicked man."

Victor: "That's my line, Will."

William: "Mhm, let's go back to the castle. Our lovely Kate is waiting for us there."

The two accomplices smiled at each other as their cloaks flapped in the wind.

Only the two of them knew that the blood had been spilt that night...

[facewithoutheart]

Thanks for the tags @monbons & @rimeswithpurple ❤️

I’ve finally finished the first draft of my COBB which feels super good. For once, I’m not doing a multi-chapter fic but I’m pleased with how it turned out. It needs a bit of finessing at the end so I’m going to let it sit for awhile. Come back when it’s closer to posting time for last minute tweaks.

Have some cute goat content:

Simon shrugged one shoulder. “Who can say? But he’s been loved. That’s what counts.” He placed the goat gently on the ground and the little thing scrambled away, bleating like a banshee at the kids who had yet to take flight. “Of course he’s also been a right bastard. Maybe that counts more.”

Cute/deranged, same thing.

Song vibes if you need them:

Tags & original fiction thoughts below the break.

I also spent some time making piccrews of my OCs. I only like to write original fiction about love triangles with two men and a woman so here, meet Hawk, Gabriel & Zoe:

Shout out to my brown eye peeps although I forgot Hawk actually has hazel eyes. WHOOPS. We’re just gonna pretend he has flecks of green sprinkles in there that only Gabriel can see. And yes Zoe is that hot on purpose. She’s a messy bitch and I love her.

One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is the theory that words written are not words wasted. As in, don’t regret the things you wrote that aren’t published or make it into the final piece. And I’ve had to adopt that for fanfic to original writing because sometimes it’s hard looking at my, frankly ridiculous, back catalog and wonder if it wasn’t all worthless. Because in the end I spent all that time and energy writing someone else’s stories.

But this is a fruitless and, frankly, untrue line of thinking. I’ve spent years honing my ability to write plot and setting and dialogue and action and messy situations. Sure, I’ve been using someone else’s characters and outline to do so, but the skills transfer even if they do also require new ones. I would never have had the courage to take on messy characters for a romance novel if I hadn’t written Boulders or This Charming Man. These two fics directly inspired my original idea.

So I’m kind of sitting around feeling really … grateful? I guess? That I’ve taken this time, I’ve written these words, and I’ve stretched these muscles. Writing an original novel is something I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid and it feels really good to be working on one again, especially after my rather demoralizing attempt at NaNoWriMo in 2022.

Which is all just to say I’m having a good time, and all your efforts are not wasted, and does this make any sense? Maybe not entirely. And maybe you’ve skimmed it but maybe this is also something that will resonate with one of you all.

Okay now. Tagging @martsonmars, @sillyunicorn, @bookish-bogwitch, @thewholelemon, @raenestee, @cutestkilla, @skeedelvee, @artsyunderstudy, @palimpsessed, @aristocratic-otter, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @stitchyqueer, @run-for-chamo-miles, @larkral, @whogaveyoupermission, @moodandmist, @mooncello, @creepyspice, @ivelovedhimthroughworse & @shrekgogurt

[steamberrystudio]

31/12/2023 Devlog

Hey everyone! Time for the bi-weekly tumblr update for Steamberry stuff! Except I skipped one because I can't remember why.

I half-wrote it but I think I just wasn't feeling up to finishing and posting.

I haven't been doing extremely well health-wise lately but still powering through.

Summary

Finished writing Chapter 5.5 (the new chapter in WSC)

Finished editing Chapters 6, 7, and 8 of Asher's path

Finished all the profiles for the GS lore book

Have started wrapping up the "side stories" and additional content for the GS lore book

Ramble

Okay so in my last update I was in the middle of editing chapter 5 and was nearly to the start of chapter six in editing Asher's route. I finished up chapter 5...

At that point when I was looking ahead, I started feeling like I wanted to add in a transition scene to move between Chapter 5 and Chapter 6.

As I started plotting out this scene, one of my ideas took on a life of its own and I realised that it might be better to interject a new, fleshed out story incident that would allow me to slow the pacing as well as flesh out the setting and universe a little more. This incident would also let me tie into some earlier events and connect them to something that occurs in chapter 6, also foreshadowing the chapter 6 incident.

Ultimately, this became too much to call a "scene" and I decided to branch it off into a supplementary chapter (IE a chapter a bit shorter than the others and meant to be released along with another chapter.)

Then that chapter ended up being 30,000 words.

So that happened.

After finishing that I went on to finish editing chapters 6, 7, and 8. I am currently on chapter 9. I only have a few more chapters before I'm finished editing Asher's path. As always, during my edits, one of the main things I do is flesh things out.

So obviously the word count has grown from that (and, you know, the 30k extra chapter I invented).

Currently the word count is 468,000 words.

Other Stuff:

I have received several new BGs and a new BG sketch. BGs are continuing to come in at a fairly steady pace.

I now have all the BGs for The Ophelia and the artists are working on other locations finally. OwO

I've also been, here and there, doing small tweaks to the sprites, small additions and fixes.

Gilded Shadows:

As I mentioned, I finally got through all the character profiles. There are so many more characters than I remembered in this game.

Then I got halfway through and realised that I forgot five. And had to insert them, which...meant rearranging pages, which is a pain in the butt. However, that is now complete.

What I'm working on now is finishing up some of the short stories and drabbles I have planned or partially written out and getting them into the lore book. 

As well as gathering any other content. The lore book is currently about 350 pages. And I am really hoping to wrap it up soon.

Upcoming Weeks:

Next couple of weeks I will be trying to wrap up the lore book and wrap up editing Asher's Path.

When I finish editing Asher's path I'll be moving on to finish drafting the end sequences for the four remaining characters. I'm starting to have an idea of where the word count is going to end up but will have a better idea for sure when Asher's edit is complete.

I have written over 100,000 words since mid-August, just plugging away and trying to hit at least 1000 words a day.

I hit my year end word count goal of 466,000 words for When Stars Collide but unfortunately did not finish the draft because the draft has grown in size.

But I am really hoping to finish it early next year so we can fully move into phase 2 of When Stars Collide.

I am also hoping to get the final KS stuff resolved for Gilded Shadows early next year as well (the lore book, art book, and some residual art and stuff).

For now, I shall just keep plucking away at it until it's all done.

And that is all for now. I will see you all next year.

[bookskeepers]

the neuroscience of falling in love ★ chapter six

content warnings: angst/sadness. neuroscience jargon. written. little to no actual bokuto. kuroo x reader if you stare at it hard enough.

word count: 1,636

a/n: i know it is not a tuesday or a wednesday but i just remebered i never posted a new chapter for TNOFIL when i posted one for TTTC. bokuto fans time to eat

also please dont judge me for the food choice. tuna, mayonnaise, and pickles is a good combo trust

recipe: 1 can of tuna, liek 2-3 teaspoons of light mayonnase, 1-2 kosher pickles -- cut up the pickles into small chunks, mix everything together, and eat with kettle cooked chips (or eat without chips. also works)

taglist in the comments because i forgot oops

previous ★ masterlist ★ next

Knock. Knock. Knockknockknockknockknockknockknock.

The noises come in rapid succession. And they don't stop once they've started.

You know it's one of your housemates -- most likely Yachi hammering away at the door, trying to get you to leave the confines of your room -- but you can't bring yourself to care. It's like the mesolimbic pathway in your brain has been altered to stop working. You're numb.

After all, who wouldn't be numb to the world after finding out that someone viewed them as a dirty secret?

Sure, there wasn't supposed to be anything forming between you and Kuroo. After all, it was a no-strings-attached situation, with both of you satisfying your physical needs.

So... why? Why does it hurt so much? Why do you care if he thinks of you as something that needs to be hidden instead of a person?

You know the answer, of course. At least from the perspective of your major.

In women, sex releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is also the neurotransmitter associated with pair-bonding. You know it's not truly possible to be no-strings-attached with the way the human brain is hardwired, especially if it's countless hook-ups with the same person. You know you were treading a fine line when it became twice, then thrice, then again and again and again with him.

If you dig deep within yourself, through the numbness, you feel stupid. Stupid for letting yourself get attached -- even though you know there was no way of avoiding it -- and stupid for ever doing things with Kuroo. Stupid for not listening to Tadashi and Kiyoko and Yachi when you still had the chance to back out without harming your feelings. After all, Tadashi called it from the get-go, declaring that whatever you and Kuroo had brewing between you two over a year ago was not going to end well.

You're in bed, barely clothed save for an oversized tee and underwear. Your laptop is propped open on your lap and you're doing schoolwork, filling out the definitions of terms you've been learning in neuropsychopharmacology. Yachi's knocking lasts for about a minute before it seems she finally gives up. Well, you thought she gave up until she bursts into your room, and it turns out not to be Yachi at all, but Tadashi.

"Are you alive?" he blurts as he stares at you from the doorway, the light from the hallway illuminating him. There's evident concern in his eyes, and he has one hand on the doorknob and another with a plate of food.

You return his stare with a listless one, unblinking and silent. You find yourself wishing it was Yachi who had been knocking, because she wouldn't poke and prod at you until you gave her answers.

Tadashi strides over to the foot of your bed, taking your laptop from you -- perhaps to provoke a response, but you don't give one -- before setting it on your desk. He hands you the plate of food. "Eat."

You take it, staring at the nourishment piled on top of it. Kettle-cooked chips, tuna mixed with mayonnaise and pickles, and an apple. Some of the most basic comfort foods for you. Leave it to Tadashi to know what meal to whip up for someone who's feeling down.

The uncomfortable, tense silence persists as you lift one chip, scooping a bit of the tuna mix onto it before taking a bite. The tang of the chips combined with the brine of the pickles, along with the smoothness of the mayonnaise, lends a sense of satisfaction to your brain and your tongue.

You're not sure why the tuna-combination (abomination, as Tadashi and Kiyoko liked to call it) gives you such a comforting feeling. After all, comfort foods are supposed to be high in carbohydrates to ensure that tryptophan, the serotonin precursor, makes it to the brain.

Maybe being a neuroscience major wasn't the smartest choice. Your entire thought process is just analyzing how you think nowadays.

"So," Tadashi finally says, breaking you out of your neuroscience-fueled reverie. "How are you feeling?"

You shrug in response, eating another tuna-laden chip.

He rolls his eyes at you. "C'mon, dude. You have vocal cords. You haven't answered any of our texts or tweets in, like, three days, and I don't think I've seen you leave the room except to shower. Have you even been eating?"

You nod in response. You have been eating, because how else would your brain function? How else would you keep up with schoolwork without the fuel to boost your cognition?

He narrows his eyes at you. "You're probably thinking of brain jargon to explain your mood."

He knows you too well.

"Well, I know how to explain it too," he declares, plopping on the edge of your bed and crossing his arms. "You're sad 'coz Crowhead Kuroo wasn't as into you as you thought he was."

The next bite of your food seems to lodge itself temporarily in your throat; you cough and hack at Tadashi's words, giving him a very, very strong glare. "No."

"She speaks! Told you you have vocal cords." He sounds smug, and you wish for nothing more than to smack the smirk off his face. "If it's not that, then what is it?"

"The acknowledgement of a decreased oxytocin production for the foreseeable future," you deadpan. You consider it a win when his brows furrow in evident confusion, mulling over your words.

After a beat or two pass, he lets out a sigh. "You're a nerd."

Realizing you're not willing to talk anymore, he gets up and frowns at you. "Well, if you need anything, consider checking your phone," he says before he leaves your room, closing the door with a rather ungraceful slam behind him.

☆彡･:*:･★彡･:*:･☆彡･:*:･★彡･:*:･☆彡･:*:･★彡･:*:･☆彡･::･★彡･::･☆

You know it's wrong to be mad at your housemates, but you don't want to deal with their "told you so" attitude that's sure to come out if you leave your room. So you don't. If you excel at anything, it's avoiding your problems.

You use your phone only to contact study participants (Kuroo included) via email instead of text. Do you wonder if they notice the difference? Yes. Do you care all that much? More than you're willing to admit.

With every passing day, the tiny red circle containing the number of notifications next to Twitter, Messages, and Phone only increases. You have to desire to check them. Besides, your phone buzzes for the important notifications, like texts from your principal investigator in regards to labwork and emails.

You go through the motions, too. Attend class, go to lab, fill out data forms for your study, go home, make a quick dinner, shower, retreat into your room, sleep, repeat. At some point during the days, you begin skipping lunch, but never dinner. You find that you must be completely occupied at all times, or your feelings -- which have overcome the numbness holding them at bay -- will overwhelm you.

Nightly visits from your housemates, sometimes Yachi, sometimes Tadashi, sometimes all three, decrease in frequency the longer you go without actively seeking them out. The atmosphere in the house is tense and you're aware it's your fault. You can't bring yourself to do anything about it.

Your carefully-maintained peace shatters within a week of the devastating interaction with Kuroo. You're at your desk, listening to music while you work, when Strangers by Kenya Grace comes on. You manage to make it through the whole song, despite its constant reminder of your own situation. You begin to think that maybe you're recovering from the shock and pain when you succeed at not shedding a tear during its choruses, when the next song makes everything crumble.

Avery Lynch's smooth, high voice echoes in your ears as tears well in your eyes, making you clench both your jaw and your fists. You push yourself away from the desk, trying to take deep breaths to steady yourself.

Isn't it romantic? All the short nights and long conversations.

Line after line, word after word, each one feeling like a punch straight to your stomach. No song better encapsulates your present. Because, as much as you'd hate to admit it, Kuroo had just been a guy who gave you attention at the right time, all that time ago in organic chemistry.

Tears flow freely now, dripping down your cheeks and onto your thighs. Your nails are digging into the soft skin of your palms, and you know the marks will be atrociously red. It feels like air isn't getting to your lungs properly as you weep, taking gasping breaths when the tears ebb enough for you to do so. Despite your attempts to keep your sobs quiet, you know they're loud and that there's little doubt about whether or not your housemates can hear.

It doesn't take long for a tentative knock to sound at the door, before the telltale creaking of the hinges alerts you to someone's presence. Soft footfalls land behind you before an equally-soft pair of arms wraps themselves around you. The scent of vanilla and daffodils floods your nostrils as Yachi begins stroking your hair with one hand while you cry.

You shift positions, burrowing your head into her shoulder as she tightens her hug. "There, let it out," she whispers softly into your hair, stroking comforting patterns on your back.

And let it out you do. At some point during, Tadashi and Kiyoko also enter your room, each one showing you their own form of affection. Tadashi pats your head, while Kiyoko also holds you with Yachi, both of them whispering soft words that fall on deaf ears as you hiccup and whimper.

And there the four of you stay for a while, their presences offering comfort beyond words as you truly, wholeheartedly, let it out.

[louroth]

Hello everyone :> 

It's been a month! it's incredible how much my life has changed- while I'm still adjusting I'm just...still walking on clouds. it feels unreal. the patreon took off and I can almost make a living wage on it which is frankly fucking insane, and the discord is so vibrant it scared me for a moment (not anymore- shooting the shit with the people there is the favorite part of my day, even if I sometimes just leave a trail of emotes lskjdhajksdhkjasd.) I couldn't have asked for a better community. YES I am crying about it. Thank you, so, so much. I am cradling your face in my hands. crying.

But as always, enough of my bleeding heart. Let's get to it!

The first two weeks after posting the update, I took a sort of quasi vacation and only wrote a handful of story-words each day, and spent some time fooling around in the discord + brushed off my smut archive to refine for Patreon. There are already 4 stories up, and a new one coming tomorrow- though I haven't decided yet whether it will be possessive/jealous L sfw short or one very nasty short where you come across a particularly insistent species of vines while trekking the forest. hehe. we'll see. >:3

But, even though I had to rest not to combust after work, I am very pleased to say that the next chapter is coming along great, with the skeleton finished for its entirety, and about 45% and some change already written (it's very hard to gauge because I jump around a lot when I write.) This is the final chapter before the forest, filled with action and the heart wrenching drama of offering tenderness to a certain someone, and deciding for your hunter when enough is truly enough. I have teared up writing certain scenes and I genuinely cannot wait for you to experience this next part yourselves. 

It is so funny reading things I wrote for this chapter six months ago, or longer, because I knew exactly what emotions I wanted to bake in and couldn't really nail it, but now it is coming together beautifully! Sure, it will still be wonky first draft writing, but the core is there and that is all that matters for now. I'm saying soon™ for the update for now, because I am allowing myself to adapt to writing full time- I didn't quit my job to become my own nightmare boss, and I truly want to enjoy this process. I think, in the long run, it will result in a better story. Patience is my mantra. All in due time- I cannot force quality creative work. But by everything wretched and sinful, I cannot wait to share this next part with you!!! I'm frothing at the mouth!!!

In other news, y'all. I need to get organized. I get heartburn thinking about all the different variations of files and notes and notebooks and scraps of paper and variables and branches of plot and just generally, the things to keep track of is getting to the point of a dragon hoard of scary 'oh no I forgot about that part'. I'm gritting my teeth through it until this chapter is out, but after it, I am going to spend some time to

 1) get my shit together in gorgeous, beautiful spreadsheets

2) get serious about finding beta- and proofreaders. (me @ u: 🥺)

But that's it, my friends! I scrapped an entire progress report because I started sounded corporate and listing points which was just... sad. I really hope I evolve into writing these in a more fun way, which would make them more fun for you to read too! But for now, I think this will do. I hope you have a beautiful day/night, and if you would like to see more in depth dev-logs of my writing life, or random sneak peeks, I post those weekly on patreon!

Or join our discord, which. It's just the nicest place, I can't even come up with words that do it justice. It's my favorite daily newspaper.

Until next time! x

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

~*~

1. Hello! I’m hoping to find a specific fic, which is narrated from the POV of a mail delivery person from a small sect. They observed how Lan Wangji came to mail a letter every year to Wei Ying after his death, and came to see the melancholy and longing that Wangji had. They were not able to deliver the letters but they kept it. Eventually they didn’t see Wangji come to mail his letter on a particular year, but out of duty, the mail delivery person went to Cloud Recess to deliver the letters he kept. And there, he met Wangji and Wei Ying.

It’s a beautifully written fic that I read years ago, but for the life of me I can’t remember the name. I did a lot of searching on my bookmarks but can’t find it. I would really appreciate it if someone can point me to the right direction!

Thanks so much. @tacitanovember

FOUND! you’ve got to find a way, say what you want to say by Quixiote (T, 12k, wangxian, outsider pov, 13 years of WWX’s death, letters)

~*~

2. hello, i am very sorry to send this ask but i've been trying to find this fic. (Please don't feel bad! This is what our blog is here for! ^^ - Mod C) i don't remember anything about it other than this scene in which LWJ is holding LSZ while they're on a boat because he's getting seasick and he takes care of him while he sleeps. if i remember correctly it was Sizhui-centric. thank you so much in advance!

FOUND? Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Not Rated, 19k, WangXian, dad wangji, LWJ's Questionable Parenting Skills, Grief/Mourning, Recovery, Injury Recovery, Hopeful Ending, Canon-Typical Violence)

~*~

3. hiii, I'm looking for a fic in which Jiang cheng suddenly starts hearing other people's thoughts and ends up hearing lwj thinking about wwx (inappropriately) @mercurygirlwt28

FOUND! Losing My Mind by pupeez4eva (T, 6k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Humor, Protective JC, JC drinks a potion that lets him hear people's lustful thoughts, Teenage LWJ has a lot of feelings, Canon Divergence, Cloud Recesses study arc)

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4. heyy there! i was wondering if you could help me find a fic from a while ago. basically wwx nearly dies when he fell from nightless city, but was however saved by baoshan sanren. in the the end to save wwx, she had to give her golden core to him so she was no longer immortal (i think). thanks in advance! @aquiver-heart

FOUND? Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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5. sorry to bother you but I've been trying to find a fic for some time and I can't. is a multi-part series. in the first part wei ying is left to take care of some young disciples and lan qiren forgets to send someone to replace him. the next parts are about how they don't have enough teachers and how wei ying would fit the role. sorry for my writing. i used google translate to write. @mazilu06122001

FOUND? ❤️ Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by Glitterbombshell (T/G, 53k, WangXian, Angst with Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Teacher WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff)

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6. Hey there, I’m looking for a onshot fic where WWX repeatedly say “I love you” to LWJ who never says it back until after WWX is resurrected and then he is the one repeatedly say “I love you” to wwx. I’m pretty sure I found it on your blog but I haven’t found it since. @gwencaer

FOUND! When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending)

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7. Good day! There's this fic that I've read before and I forgot what tag/s I used to bookmark it. I only remember bits of details. So, the scene that I remember is during the sects were trapped in the burial mounds—that chapter when the juniors were kidnapped—yiling patriarch wwx was sleeping (or dead?) at the blood pool(?). Then the present wwx came to dead/yp!wwx to wake him up (something like that) so they can save the others from the puppets. It is before they go to Lotus Pier. I think there's also a scene where they tried to save him (yp!wwx) that they cant leave him alone at the burial mounds or smth. Im sorry, that all I can recall but I really want to find it again. Thank you!

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8. I’m looking for the fic where little WWX is in Cloud Recesses and little LWJ is like “gonna marry him” and when he’s told “no” he finds different ways to tie his ribbon to little WWX until the adults give in?

are you sure it's Cloud Recesses? bc if you are not sure, this sounds like the Sami fic where Jiang Yanli travels back in time, but that part of the fic takes place at Lotus Pier

FOUND! Sail Away Sweet Sister by sami (M, 73k, WangXian, YZY/CSSR/MDM Lan, MingLi, Time Travel, EXTREME Canon Divergence, Wide Focus Narrative, Some People Live/Not Everyone Dies, Most Named/Canon Characters Live, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Families of Choice, Parenthood, this work contains a major tonal shift, Fluff, Angst, Underage Sex, not particularly explicit, but not at all ambiguous, PTSD, Only a tiny bit, Unforeseeable consequences, The butterfly effect, Slightly Dark JYL, Asexual Characters, but that's not really the focus, Canon-Typical Violence)

not FOUND 💖 Let the Heavens be the judge by A_Mirror_of_memories (T, 4k, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It, Not JC friendly, YZY Bashing, minor character death offscreen, JC is the worst, Angst with a Happy Ending, offscreen child character death, Fluff and Angst, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, CSSR and WCZ Live, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)

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9. ficfinder request! modern college au where Wei ying is a student that arrived late to a class that lab qiren should be teaching but instead lan zhan is, and Wei ying is sassy/rude to Lan zhan. I think it's rated E but I can't remember anything else. TIA! @the-marathon-continues-nip

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10. Hello, I am looking for a fic that focused on lsz feeling worried that wwx will feel disappointed that he grew up lan. The fic references what he told lsz the first time lwg left the wen settlement. This fic has been stuck in my head but I can't find it, I would rlly appreciate some help! 😭 @fox1023

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11. A) There's this fic where WWX moves into a house and ghost LWJ lives in the attic or something like that, it's an Eldritch horror kind of fic I think? Iirc Lwj doesn't have a face and he drips water but I could be mixing up different things.

B) I'm also looking for a fic that's kinda the opposite? Where it's WWX who lives in the house and LWJ pretends he doesn't see him

11A)

FOUND! ghost stories for lost souls by queenklu (M, 17k, WangXian, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Body Horror, (of the ghostly variety - hey number of limbs are hard), child death (not explicitly described), Ghost Hunting, Spirit Box, Juice Box, Reincarnation)

11B)

FOUND! one good thing by Yuu_chi (T, 26k, WangXian, Modern AU, Ghost WWX, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, I swear there really is a happy ending, And an alarming amount of rabbits, [Podfic] One Good Thing by jellyfishfire)

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12. Hello, I saw someone from Twitter asking about a fic where Jiang Cheng wished Wei Wuxian never existed after their battle in Nightless City (I'm guessing this is when WWX battled with the other cultivation sects and JYL died). They recalled it has some elements of poppy flowers dying and WWX's soul being connected with it will totally dissipate too.

Can you help? @tiredlaoshi

FOUND? Remember by Amona (T, 59k, JC & WWX, wangxian, Canon Divergence, self-sacrifice, erasing oneself from history, colored souls, sword spirits, major angst w happy ending, implied/referenced rape/non-con, minor character death, WIP)

FOUND? The Way It Wasn’t by KouriArashi (T, 72k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, (eventually haha), Slow Build, Family Feels, Moral Ambiguity, Eventual Happy Ending)

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13. Hey so the fic lm looking for is a Jiang Cheng centric fic but it does have Wangxian in it but it's a time travel fic with JC fixing thing he gets NHS to help him travel back it's OK if you can't find it tho

FOUND? Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It)

FOUND? heaven is for me too high by stiltonbasket (M, 11k, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC/NMJ, LWJ & JC, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, aka the one where JC goes back to the past, and absolutely does not want to be there, Politics, Angst, POV JC, the jc and lwj alliance nobody expected, Bad Matchmaking, Team as Family, Happy Ending, WIP)

FOUND? Moments of Revelation by meyari (T, 134k, JC/NHS, wangxian, LXC/JGY, major character death, POV JC, Canon Divergence, Temporary Character Death, Character Death, Time Travel Fix-It, Self-Sacrifice, Torture, Chronic Pain, Chronic anxiety, magical healing and how it fails, Grief/Mourning, PTSD, Chronic Mental Health Issues, learning to communicate for stubborn people, premeditated murder as a method of problem solving, Assassination, renamed meng yao, Because of Reasons, Warning: JGS, Warning: WRH, Families of Choice, no elders are perfect not one of them, Unreliable Narrator(s), Demonic Possession)

FOUND? For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by sami (E, 65k, wangxian, JC & WWX; JC & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, Canonical Character Death, Mentions of Rape, not explicit but definitely referenced, Time Travel, Not Everyone Dies au, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, WWX/babie tendencies, WQ is a queen in any reality, Healing, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Canon Divergence, Asexual JC, First Time, Getting Together, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, WWX finds new ways to be oblivious, seriously it surprised even us)

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14. Hi!!! I am looking for a fic where wei wuxian travels back in time but tries to kill himself to avoid all the tragedy that happened to his loved ones. Please help me find this one!!!

FOUND? (Un)Hidden truth by Sarah_R (M, 198k, wangxian, major character death, graphic depictions of violence, characters watching their show, characters watching the future, watching the future, Time Travel Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, On the first chapter, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Nightmares, Self-Harm, dark, fluff, Angst, LWJ best husband, WWX needs all the love and hugs in the world, and he gets it, WWX Protection Squad, The juniors are literally the light of the show, WQ best sister, YZY and JFM will realize what an absolute shit they’ve been, Character Development, Sentient Burial Mounds, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Except the people who deserve to, WIP)

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15. Fic I'm looking for: a royalty au, LWJ POV, LWJ is the prince, it's a one shot, WWX and LWJ are friends or at least have a close relationship throughout. I don't remember what status WWX is but I know for sure he's not a servant cuz there is pass in the fic where LWJ says WWX helps the palace staff even though he doesn't have to. WWX basically acts as a waiter for a little bit during this royal ball and that's where the confession happens in front of everyone. Not Desiderium. Thank you so much

FOUND? How to propose to the love of your life in one simple step by CloudyInk (G, 6k, WangXian, Royalty, LXC is King, Prince LWJ, General WWX)

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16. Hello, this is the first time I do not know if this info will be enough. I read a modern au short fic before in which wwx have a terrible eye sight and memory. Every time he goes to Lan house he will go somewhere different from what he is looking for. Like he is supposed to go to a restroom but ended up in a kitchen. Lan Qiren then said to LWJ that his boyfriend might be a thief because he is always found somewhere he did not say he will go. Then when lqr visited lwj and wwx's house, he found out that wwx got lost even to his own house. Like he cannot even find the mug and lwj has to say where it is. Lwj then said to lqr that it is because wwx got into an accident when he was a child, the same day he lost his parents. That is the reason for his terrible memory and eye sight. After that, lqr became soft to wwx. And every time Wangxian visited the Lan house. He will help wwx find what he is looking for.

Thank youuu @yunshenlianhua

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17. Hii mods , can you help me find this fics

A) it's time travel but here WWX gave up on cultivation world while whole cultivation world needs his help to defeat wen ruohan....?? I guess everyone is back from past ?? Now sure

B) I don't know where I read this fic ...and don't knew if fic like this exists where after Wuxian's death he is in ghost city but in child form with having same mind as child he later get adopted by hualian they raise him once again he remember nothing till the day in his (new )16 year old body he sees the newly ascended God lwj

C) I don't remember much but I guess it mpreg and has twin lsz n Jingyi but they have lwj because he is busy ? Or just not there with them..I am confused

Sry to ask this many at once but help me ..this half reads are living rent free in my mind @selflovingmedj

C)

17A)

FOUND? The Line Between Good and Evil by Dandelion_sama (G, 34k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, What-If, Rebirth, Time Travel, kind of Mass Reborn, reverse uno, Canon-Typical Violence, WIP)

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18. Hey! Do you remember a fic where a-yuan gets sick and WWX brings him to the cloud recesses for treatment? There was a heart wrenching scene where wwx asked the lan sect to take a-yuan in and raise him. I can't seem to find it. Thanks in advance!

FOUND! the kite string and the anchor rope by fleurdeliser (M, 38k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, set after the yiling date, Sick Child, the illness never gets worse than it is in the first 1000 words)

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19. hi! I'm looking for a case/curse fic, post-canon/getting together - which features wangxian & the gusu lan/juniors solving a case in a cursed town. iirc, the curse is related to a wish granting ritual at a yearly festival, and i believe lwj had visited this festival before in the previous year and wished for wwx's return. thank you! @patchworkpotatoes

FOUND! 爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, WangXian, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror)

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20. Hi! I'm here for fic finder request. I'm sure I bookmark the story but couldn't find it. It was set in the Cloud Recesses study arc where Wei Ying grow up with the Lan. Wangxian is engaged with each other. I remember that Jin Zixuan was jealous when Jiang Yanli and Wei Ying start to get close while they were in cloud recesses. Nie Huaisang told Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng that WX are engaged and they were shocked because they thought wangxian are cousins. Sorry if my explanation is a mess and I hope you can help me find it. Thank you! @mayuchi96

FOUND! what a strange life by dass22 (dass15) (T, 26k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Friendship, POV Alternating, mostly from JC pov tho)

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[dddevilsadvocate]

1. and now I’m covered in you

Leviathan x gn!AFAB!reader

a/n: here it is folks! the first chapter of the longest fic I’ve ever written. literally. 12 pages and counting. after the overwhelmingly horny positive reception on this post, I decided to split what I currently have into instalments and release them periodically as I edit them. there is no schedule lol I have ADHD and am also very not good at this 🥲

THIS IS VERY NSFW MINORS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

CW: self-indulgent smut (unprotected vaginal sex, dry humping, fingering), loss of virginity

midnight had struck well over 2 hours ago. RAD’s 8am start crept closer and closer, like a cat upon a mouse. like a threat. and though you were in bed, covered in blankets and surrounded by pillows, basking in the warmth of the body pressed against you, sleep could not reach you. there was no room for it.

the third eldest’s allocated “you” time - an entire 24 hours with you all to himself! - had started right as the new day did. at 0:03, you’d snuck into his room, where he’d been waiting like a lovesick puppy to show you what he’d done. he’d chosen a great movie for you two to watch; some niche title from his surprisingly robust comedic horror collection, apparently a Devildom cult classic. he’d even gone through all the trouble to have it projected onto his ceiling so you could easily see it from the comfort of his bed - which he’d rearranged into the perfect cuddle nook. snacks he’d fought to keep safe from Beel were laid out like a buffet. the lights of his tank were set to your favourite colour, casting a hazy glow over the space. 

everything had started innocently enough. you’d pressed your lips to his cheek, complimenting his efforts. he’d rushed to start the movie and practically dove into his tub, finally able to wrap his arms around you and rest his head atop yours. his chest rose and fell against you as he laughed at every slapstick gag, mandarin eyes sparkling when he realised you were laughing too. you don’t quite remember how he’d ended up under you, with his hands on your waist and your tongue between his lips, but you weren’t going to complain.

Levi had always been cautious of intimacy. he rarely went further than where he was with you right now, and even such familiar territory made him nervous. you feel the heat of the blush on his face as if you’re leaning over a fire. your kisses are sloppy, and his are desperate. his hands don’t dare stray from their places above your hips, but the lust he’s holding them back from sparks from his fingertips. he wants to let them roam. he wants to let then roam more than anyth-

CCCRRRAAASSSHHH

a sudden, violent rise in the movie’s volume comes like a bomb over your senses. you push yourself up from the demon, a scream tearing from your throat. Levi is just as startled; his eyes are wider than you’ve ever seen them as they study the room for the threat.

“AAAH WHAT THE HELL WAS TH- oh. th-the movie.” groaning, his head falls back against the pillow. “I completely forgot about that part… and that it was still playing…”

though your heart continues to pound against your sternum, you giggle. “my god.” running your fingers through his fringe brings his attention back to you. “we should probably turn that off and get some sleep now.”

you reach for the projector’s remote and click it off. but as you go to slide off the demon, his fingers suddenly dig into you. your shirt separates his skin from yours, but you swear you can feel the ridges of his fingerprints. his grip is somehow full of panic, like he’s worried you’ll float away. “w-wait! wait. can… c-can we keep going?”

you smile. you can survive tomorrow’s classes with no sleep if it comes to that. and if you’re honest with yourself, sleeping wouldn’t be nearly as fun as continuing. “of course we-”

“can we go further? maybe?” despite threatening to, Levi’s voice does not waver. his eyes - golden and indigo like the most vibrant of sunsets - dart between yours from beneath furrowed brows. 

the shock of the question does not strike you as hard as his confidence does. your relationship with Levi had never been consummated in the traditional sense, but he wasn’t a stranger to the concept. the rock of your hips always left him a babbling mess. your hands brought him such pleasure he only lasted a minute the first time. and your mouth? god, it was like he was addicted. you’d never heard him - or anyone, for that matter - make such noise while actively trying not to. and yet, as much as he enjoyed the acts as they were happening, asking for them activated his fight or flight. red-cheeked and stuttering, until you saved him with your overwhelming perfection.

you figured he’d get to this question at some point, but you never thought he’d ask it in one smooth go.

“you… want to go further?” you arch an eyebrow. “how much further?”

Levi’s gaze darts to the door. you made sure to lock it behind you at his request, but now he seems worried a brotherly ear or two might be pressed against the other side. he stares for a moment before glancing back at you, unable to meet your eyes this time. he studies your lips, your chest, your shoulders, before his voice drops to a whisper: “a-all the way?”

you open your mouth to respond, but the response doesn’t come. nothing you think of seems appropriate in reply. if you say yes, you’d be the first being to have ever done so. Levi had never even asked anyone before - a confession Asmo had once drunkenly given on the otaku’s behalf. the amount of courage it must have taken to verbalise the question, to venture so far from his comfort zone… your heart swells. the poor demon must be scared shitless.

you don’t even entertain the idea of refusal. of all the centuries he’s had to ask this question, he’s asked you. he wants you.

finally, you cup his cheek in your hand. “I’d love to.” his eyes return to yours, staring wide and glossy over crimson cheeks.

“r-r-really?!” his voice squeaks. his expression is pure disbelief, like he was expecting you to echo his signature ‘disgusting reclusive weirdo’ tirade and flee back to your own room. when you smile again, leaning forwards so your forehead is pressed against his, he inhales sharply and tightens his grip on your waist.

“I’d be honoured, Levi.” your lips brush over his brow, his cheek, his nose. “I’ll take good care of you. I promise. just let me know if you want me to stop at any point, okay?”

(read the next part here)

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand. 

“Totally -  my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said. 

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily. 

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm 

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off 

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently. 

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away. 

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night. 

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining 

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.  

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit. 

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge. 

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe 

“Where do you need me?” He asked her 

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl. 

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom. 

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips. 

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day. 

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost. 

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles 

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. 

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain. 

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes. 

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks. 

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained. 

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later. 

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna. 

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile. 

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them. 

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit 

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can. 

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked. 

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next. 

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged. 

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained 

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat. 

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit. 

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory. 

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously. 

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’  then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained. 

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan. 

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock. 

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her. 

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself. 

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever- 

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before. 

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around. 

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big 

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!” 

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks. 

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer. 

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said 

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking. 

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter. 

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said. 

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire. 

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table. 

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them. 

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin. 

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch. 

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her. 

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy. 

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say. 

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks. 

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid. 

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods. 

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows. 

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so. 

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd. 

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said 

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on” 

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm. 

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply. 

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath. 

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over. 

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna. 

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag. 

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off. 

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint. 

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store. 

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently  

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath. 

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd. 

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously 

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her. 

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes. 

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.  

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt. 

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed. 

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter. 

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly. 

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan. 

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room. 

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile. 

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots. 

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand. 

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open. 

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds 

“To?” Syd asked. 

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table. 

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away. 

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna 

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink. 

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps 

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said. 

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves. 

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed. 

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her 

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge. 

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo. 

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar. 

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

 “ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer. 

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously. 

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing. 

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up. 

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh. 

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her. 

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her 

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years. 

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse. 

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them. 

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts 

“What does that mean?” He asked her 

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion 

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused. 

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t. 

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked 

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

 “Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions. 

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement 

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs. 

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop. 

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip. 

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate. 

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head. 

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart. 

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat. 

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off 

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes. 

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes. 

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync. 

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up. 

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement. 

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall. 

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well. 

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard 

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip. 

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled 

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow. 

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room. 

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna 

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder. 

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars. 

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone. 

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off. 

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly. 

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. 

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over. 

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach. 

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near. 

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves. 

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly. 

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question. 

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly. 

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear. 

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day” 

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned. 

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.  

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here. 

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement. 

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started 

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh. 

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly 

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit. 

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his. 

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said 

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily. 

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit. 

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again. 

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again. 

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly. 

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper. 

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft. 

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked 

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit. 

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“ 

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin. 

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times. 

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin. 

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond. 

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out.  “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙