#i had no idea how much energy classes took out of me until i spent all of today napping basically

[grineerios]

Tennotober 2023 Day 6- "Throwback"

I've lovingly given this piece the alternative title of "Baby Photos". :>

Featuring @decoyroid's Excalibur and @sithbum's (slightly infested) Mag.

[l0starl]

𝐁𝐲 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 iii

-𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙨 𝙄’𝙢 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙣𝙖 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚

‼️𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 3 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲‼️

this the last part anyways 😋

PART 1 , and part 2 is linked in part 1

this took so long because I ran out of ideas IM SORRY-

I used Spanishdict so correct me if some stuff are wrong

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 to lovers?????

sᴏɴɢ: ʙʏ ᴍʏ sɪᴅᴇ (ғᴇᴀᴛ. ᴋᴀᴀsʜ ᴘᴀɪɢᴇ)

ʏᴇs ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs sᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪs ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ 🌚

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: Cursing i guess 😶, mention of guns

The smoke filled the room as you saw the neon purple lights illuminating the room…

Prowler?

You feel your hands being untied from the chair, another prowler comes in, guessing the original one..

After the prowler unties you, he tosses you over his shoulder like a sack and proceeds to leave, you would argue, but you don’t have the energy for that right now..

“Why you always gotta drag someone in your shenanigans” you heard the original prowler speak

“I ain’t drag em, they’ll be fine” prowler responded as she carried you like a sack of potatoes.

You could barely speak so you stayed silent and watched them argue, it was honestly so irritating, their argument was stopped abruptly from another explosion was heard nearby inside the building.

“There they are! Get them!!” One of the men yelled as they started to fire their guns

Bullets echoed through the room, your ears start to ring.

“Damn it we gotta go!” The prowler shouts

Bullets flew through the room, they quickly made a run for it.

“STOP THEM” the man yelled as shots continued to fire.

They run down the hall, sprinting for the stairs, gunshots echo throughout the building.

After they outrun the guards they make it to the rooftop, it seems your at the old alchemax building, the roof looks a bit run down but overall it looks stable

“Where the hell are we goin-“ you spoke but the prowler cut you off.

”Cállate, “shut up” we’re taking you home” the prowler spoke

“Alright damn! Don’t gotta cut me off” you muttered

“no eres hábil” “you’re not slick” he snickered.

You scoffed in response, but something about the prowler’s voice seemed familiar, you couldn’t quite figure it out. But whatever it was, you’ll figure it out eventually.

Soon after they dropped you home, this is a night to remember since you literally got kidnapped….but at least your home now and safe!……..right?

The next day at school the news spread like wildfire, left and right kids were asking “How was it like” “Did ya get to see the prowler’s face” Honestly these questions were getting irritating.

You spent most of the day avoiding people, but one person always managed to find you..

Miles

“Heard the prowler saved ya” Miles mocked

“Not now miles! I don’t need your bullshit” you retorted

“Don’t get so pissed off” he sneered

You scoffed completely ignoring him, though….

How did the prowler know where you were?

You went to class avoiding anyone who asked questions about it. It was pretty annoying but you just had to learn to deal with it for now.

You quickly sat down, not bothering to look in miles direction, but he always found a way to annoy you.

you were losing your mind, miles hasn’t stopped, neither had his determination. He seemed so eager to piss you off and all you do is stare coldly as you try to ignore him every time.

“How do I have all my classes with this guy” You grumbled to yourself in frustration as you stare at the clock, watching and waiting for class to end

Tick - Tok - Tick - Tock…..

each minute goes by slower and slower, you weren’t paying attention to class at all, that is until the teacher called on you…

“Pay attention!” The teacher scolded

You grumbled but cooperated at least, 30 minutes later class ended. You were walking to your next class, since miles literally has the same schedule as you, he took pride in annoying you as much as possible, sure you guys could make up, but why would you? All for a stupid sketchbook, maybe you’ll think about it.

“Geez miles you could always be nice enough to give me a break” you groaned as miles walked behind you

“Nah, you’ll be fine ma” he smirked

You rolled your eyes, as you walked into Spanish class right alongside miles.

“tú ambos eres tarde “you both are late” “ The teacher scolded, as she gestured you to both sit down.

You both took a seat, the room was awkwardly quiet, it’s not the first time it’s been like this. Ever since the start of the school year, it’s always been so quiet, what makes it worse is that the a/c barely works!!

“You good ma?” Miles glanced in your direction

“yeah I’m good, just hot in here” you groaned

He chuckled in response, for the rest of the class period you layed your head down on your desk as you slept for the remainder of the session. Thank god this was the last period for today, you were planning to just stay in bed, but then you remembered that moment with the prowler…

How does he know where you live?

Maybe it’s just a coincidence?

Does he know I saw?

What about yesterday, how did he know where I was?

did he know it was gonna happen?

Questions spiraled in your head constantly, it’s not like he would answer them himself, but one question stood out from the rest, something that jus might be right in our faces…

Why does he remind me someone?

After the bell rang you left the class immediately, not wanting to handle miles shenanigans, but he probably has a feeling what your silence has been about…

You ran to your bus stop just in time before the bus leaves, you sat near the window seat and sighed of relief, lately, the crime in the city has been skyrocketing, the sinister six cartel have been more active at night, and the prowler hasn’t been able to keep up much, but at least he still tries..

The city is becoming more dangerous every single day, more people are going missing, or found dead somewhere….

You look out the window examining your surroundings, some of the city hasn’t been affected by it, but good things don’t ever last that long….

The bus came to a stop, you walked the rest of the way home with thoughts swirling through your mind…

Later that night their was a knock at your window, which doesn’t make sense since your on the second floor? You look out your window and there he was

“Prowler?!?! What the hell are you doing-“ you spoke

he covered your mouth with a irritated look, as he came inside he spoke with a distorted voice, maybe from the mask?

“I need to speak to you about something important” he responded

Few hours earlier with miles

“MILES! You actually wanna tell them that?” Uncle Aaron spoke annoyed

“Yeah, it won’t be much of a problem, what’s the worse that can happen hm?” Miles responded

“Alright man, but if something happens it’s all on you, I won’t be able to help you at all” Uncle Aaron retorted in a serious tone

He nodded as he suited up and headed towards the building near your house…

Now the present

“Then tell me what you gotta say!” You responded impatiently

He chuckled as he removed his mask, his braids fall over his shoulders

“Hey ma, surprised to see me?” Miles had a smug grin on his face

You were taken aback by this sudden news, that’s why the prowlers voice sounded so familiar! You would have never guessed it was miles…

“So your the prowler huh? And why do you have the need to tell me?” She responded confused

“Yk, I just felt like it, plus I take great pride in annoying you, plus I get to drop by and annoy you even more” he snickered as he ruffled your hair.

You groaned smacking his hand away

“Is this about the sketchbook?! If it is can we put that behind us now?” You replied

“Hm, maybe, but only if you apologize” he responded

“For what?! You should’ve just done the project in the first pla-“ you retorted

“Apologize, we wouldn’t have a problem in the first place if ya didn’t snatch it” he responded amused but slightly annoyed

“Fine I apologize, can we finally put this behind us now?” You said with a irritated voice

“Yep, I guess you can say we’re friends now” He smirked

“No, just acquaintances“ you cut him off

“Friends it is” he says, completely ignoring your answer

You both ended up sharing mutual interests, you both grew to become best friends…..

Maybe even more…..

[muffymello]

Night Owl- ii

(Roronoa Zoro x f!Reader)

University AU - A barista waits for a text back, eventually becoming impatient.

1.7k Words

You spent the rest of your shift frantically checking your phone, distracted from the onslaught of customers.

Usually your lazy coworker would be on your ass about this, you did almost everything as she just took orders most days. This time, she left you alone in your haze. You worked much slower than you usually would as you tried to process the brave move you'd just made on a customer.

Of course, your definition of brave was a bit tame. A phone number on the side of the cup wasn't exactly peak romance, but it was pretty damn good for how tired you were. As the end of your shift creeped ever closer, you thanked the stars for the simple fact that you had the whole day off tomorrow.

By the time tomorrow rolled around, you wished you had something, anything, to do. You had been glued to your messages, waiting for one incoming message that never arrived. At least you got a bit more work done for your classes, phone balanced on your knee as you typed away on the laptop sat comfortably in the crook of your criss-crossed legs. You denied all your roommates’ offers of going out or doing anything at all, nestling in your room to laze the day away.

Next shift, your coworker prodded at your nerves, trying to ease any more information out of you concerning the mystery man who you now knew to be named Zoro.

She didn’t believe he hadn’t even texted you yet, claiming she saw the ‘way he looked at you.’ She had always been a hopeless romantic so you shoved her words aside in your mind, until she suggested going back to the same bar that night.

“He might not even be there, what then?”

“We drink and have some fun, duh~”

She teased and pestered almost relentlessly, now 100% set in the idea while you just made yourself another coffee. The energy she had was almost too much to keep up with, the only way you’d manage was the bitter espresso you now realized needed to be dialed in a bit more.

The evening came around, as did a seemingly infinite barrage of texts from anyone but Zoro. You dressed up a little more than you usually would, and your coworker came over to help with makeup. Soon enough the Uber was at your door, and then at the bar.

You silently prayed he wouldn’t be working, but your prayers were answered with a laugh from fate when the first bartender closest to the end of the bar was green-haired and muscly. That was him, you thought, watching how efficient he could be. It wasn’t overly busy but he still worked like a machine, leaving the only other bartender without much to do at all.

Your coworker groaned at me when I immediately sat at the end of the bar farthest from Zoro, waiting for the other bartender to come take our orders. Mind spinning with all the reasons this was a bad idea, the simple fact he hadn’t texted meant he wasn’t interested… right?

Zoro finished whispering something to the other bartender, too far for you to pick up over the music and shouting, before getting back to work. Their eyes widened at the man’s words, obviously timid and new to the job. A beer was ordered and paid for by your coworker before he disappeared into the back, not paying you any mind before just leaving.

She stuck her tongue out before sipping the frothy drink, smirking. “That’s what you get for being a chicken…” she teased, nudging your shin with her heel from her seat beside you. “Oh, shut up. If this Zoro guy was any interested, wouldn’t I at least get a text back?” “Irrelevant, go make your move girl!” She giggled, now leaving you alone at the bar still with no drink.

You sat waiting, suddenly feeling very awkward. The other bartender didn’t return, and Zoro began working his way down the bar to cover all of his customers. “Oh, it’s you.” He said, a light smile on his features. “Same drink as before?” He began to fill a shaker with ice, pulling out a lime.

“Depends, is it paid for like before?” You quipped back, trying to shake your nerves as he worked away at the drink. This made him chuckle as he finished his pour, topping with the same lime garnish. He was extremely skilled with a knife, captivating my mind as he sliced it so meticulously with ease.

“This one’s on the house, but don’t push your luck…”

This had you grinning, sipping away at the drinks. He was still acting interested, not like someone who would avoid sending you a text. Even being as busy as he was, he still made time to check on you. “Need anything else?” He asked, taking your now emptied glass away. “It’s a shot kind of night, vodka please!”

The plan was to get so drunk you gained some sort of inebriated charisma you were severely lacking. Over the next hour you downed a few shots more than you should have, loosening up and turning into a gigglier, flirtier version of yourself. A few guys had come up to you, and you hadn’t paid for a single drink this far.

Still, your green-haired bartender took their money with a glare. He didn’t seem happy with the attention you were getting, but he still made all of your drinks without any verbal complaints, scaring guys off with no more than a menacing look.

“You’re gonna ruin my scheme here, y’know? I’m gonna drink for free all night, so long as you stop glaring at all the morons trying to woo me~” You teased, bringing your drink to your lips. “Say, you sure this one has no name?” It was another of the lime drinks he made for you, sweet and refreshing on your palate after the nasty shots you’d done.

“Maybe it does, you aren’t hearing it though…”

“And why’s that?” You questioned, curious to know his motive.

“That way I'm the only one makin’ it for you.” He admitted coolly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. You were left speechless as he began to help another group of customers, pouring frothy mugs of beer and shots of cheap liquor as you couldn’t do anything but stare. He was so casual, so nonchalant, but he had you blushing like a grade schooler with a stupid crush.

You decided, in your drunken stupor, that you wouldn't let him keep this constant upper hand. The next time he made his way over to where you sat, you immediately asked him the question nagging your mind. “Why haven’t you bothered to text me if you’re gonna flirt with me like this?” You slurred out, thinking you’d finally caught a slip in his confidence.

“Easy, I was asleep all day. After my shift I stopped in for that coffee, and you just happened to be the one who made it. I drank it trying to get some work done, but ended up passed out before I could even start to think. I at least remember the drink being good, so thanks for that.” He smirked, knowing he’d won your little challenge as you sat without words once again. “I can text you later, if you really want. Or, even better.”

He slid a napkin over and pulled a sharpie out of his pocket, scribbling his own number down in quick, messy handwriting. “I’ll be sure to text you if I can read this,” you joked. “I’ll count on it, unless I'm asleep.” He replied with a smile.

You felt a little dumb after his explanation, it was so simple and you’d made such a fuss over it. Your coworker soon snuck up behind you to tell you she was leaving, but you opted to stay and further pester the bartender, he was far more patient than you felt you’d deserved but you still enjoyed talking his ear off.

The two of you flirted and bantered until the early morning, him far more energetic than you since he was used to this schedule. At this point your head rested on the bar and he would only serve you water no matter how much you begged for even a little more booze.

None of the men from before even bothered with trying to take you home, it was obvious you’d captured the bartender’s attention and he wasn’t going to let some creep steal you away. As you rested your head on the bar, humming along to the quieted music, a gentle hand squeezed your shoulder.

When you lifted your head, you were met with those deep, dark eyes. Intoxicating moreso than the generous pours of alcohol you’d consumed, albeit looking at you like you were delicate, something to be handled gently. This was reinforced with the softness of the touch on your shoulder, barely there as he stirred you to be a little more awake. “You have a ride home?” He asked, his deep voice rumbling and scruffy as he attempted a whisper. You shook your head, and he nodded. While you had been face down on the bar, humming and snoozing, he had cleaned up for the night. 

He rounded the bar, offering his arm for support when you stood. You were still quite tipsy, clinging to the forearm presented to you like it was the only thing keeping you upright. Being a bartender, Zoro had plenty of experience with helping drunk people around, which was very apparent in how patiently he handled you.

You ended up in the passenger seat of his car, typing your address into his phone and leaning back into the comfortable seat. It felt like only a blink until you were home, he watched you carefully as you unbuckled your seatbelt, you didn’t even think before leaning over the center console of the car to leave a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, for the ride I mean…” You mumbled, half-asleep and drunk.

This was finally the way you got him to blush, cracking his hard exterior just a bit as you got out of his car and took a second to admire the dopey grin on his face. By the time you’d gotten back inside, you had a text from an unknown number.

‘When you aren’t so drunk, I'll treat you to dinner. I’ll even give you a real kiss this time ;)’

[randadrives]

Blog 1

For a long time, I always said I wasn’t creative. In my mind, creativity meant being vulnerable, and I was afraid to be seen. I had a heavy appreciation for the creativity of others. I spent my childhood with a book in hand constantly, and I loved googling different artists (did anyone else go through the Rene Magritte/Salvador Dali phase at 13?), as well as going to street festivals to look at the jewelry people made by hand. I would go home and write about the things I saw, write about my experiences, and keep all my “notebooks” (because I couldn’t call them journals) as secret as possible, standing by my idea that I was logical, and smart, but absolutely not creative. I was convinced I was not blessed with that specific gift as my sisters were, not realizing until much later in life that often creativity is a practice, not something a person is just given.

Meanwhile, there I was most of my life practicing the creativity of writing and just never letting anyone see it. I carried my notebooks around from move to move, apartment to house, over and over like I was afraid to lose that part of me. Two years ago, I made the decision to start letting go of the past. To start that process, I re-read each notebook, took notes on it for my therapy sessions, and with each one finished I burned them in a barrel in the backyard. At the time it did feel quite therapeutic, if not dramatic. My notes outlined how early my anxiety could be seen manifesting, when my depression started, my struggle with religion at a young age, negativity, and much deeper emotions as the years went on. I was forced to look in the face of life events that I had decided to bury deep down. Therapy was starting to make more sense. All the times before my dear therapist, who I will call “Rebecca,” would say “feel your feelings, sit with your feelings” I couldn’t comprehend how to do that. Doing this practice made it start to click, though I still struggle and have to make myself really stop and feel, as miserable as it might be. No one said therapy was an easy process!

At this time, I was going through some major life decisions. Not only was I dredging up my past in my therapy sessions on a weekly basis, but I was also debating with myself on leaving my career, and I had just transitioned out of the Air Force Reserves. I was trying to find a hobby, as well as wondering what I could do with my future if I wasn’t tied to the job I had chosen that sucked up all of my energy, time, and compassion. I thought maybe I should try something I haven’t done before. Something creative? I attempted to try to start a blog, as well as took up a noncredit photography class online through a local college. Both of those things I felt terribly unskilled with, and one of my domineering personality traits is I HATE to be bad at something. So, I didn’t continue, but kept saying out loud when people would ask: “I’m going to start a blog! I got a camera and am going to start taking photos!” There was some hope, albeit a small amount. I figured maybe the more I said it, the more I would convince myself to just start already. All these people already knew what my intentions were! I told myself over and over to let myself be bad at it, practice more, and maybe I’ll eventually get better. That was a year and a half ago, all the way up until now. These things take time, right?

Part of my struggle to commit was a theme. Every blog I’ve come across has been a niche that I didn’t feel connected to, or convinced me the market is saturated and what quality do I possibly have to contribute to this? There are 600 million blogs currently. I kept a running list in the Notes app on my phone of what I was interested in writing about: women in the military, travel, books, my 30’s, women’s safety, being child-free, books, post-DD214 life. All of which has been done before! But it’s taken me this long to remind myself I don’t write to provide never-before-seen content. I write to feel my feelings! To share opinions, and celebrate the small joys in life, to make a written history of things I may not even remember in 15 years. And I think finally, 10 months after making the active decision to leave my job, and a year after I purchased a travel trailer and committed to an alternative lifestyle, I finally realized that I can write about things that have been written about before. I can take photos of trees and birds and be bad at it for a while. I can grant myself grace in trying something new and being vulnerable.

Cheers to myself for taking the first step, even if it was a very looooong step. I’m not going to be an influencer, or content creator, or make money. But I am going to write and attempt to share my musings, and hope others can take that step as well. You don’t have to be naturally talented to try something new, and no one is an expert their first time.

Photo taken at Todd Nature Reserve in Pennsylvania, October 2022

[goodbyemaryjane]

an anecdotal account of weed addiction

part of the reason I could get so addicted to THC was because of the set of positive myths surrounding it. First, that it is not addictive and cannot be abused. Second, that overuse is not harmful because it won't acutely poison you the way many other drugs can. And third, that there is no such thing as weed withdrawals: it's all in your head.

This is my experience: I was not in control of how I was smoking. I felt like I needed to smoke before I did just about anything. I needed to be at least a little bit high all the time, or the cravings would be all I could think about. I would get anxious, restless, like an animal pacing around in its cage. I wouldn't be able to eat or sleep. It was just my little ritual, yeah? Have a bowl before I go. I'll just smoke a blunt before I go. I'll just take a few hits before I go. Slowly, the world outside my room seemed more and more anxiety-inducing, and weed was my only true refuge.

It hadn't started out that way, at first I could wait to just smoke at night, but by the end I was waking up early to get baked every morning, heading back to get high before lunch, and I needed - absolutely needed - to have enough in my stash to stay high until I fell asleep.

I had been getting high and crying about how I was an addict for maybe a week before I quit. I had realized what I was doing wasn't healthy, I was spending all my money just to stave off sobriety, I was behind in school, I was plotting ways to hide how much I was smoking and vaping from my boyfriend. I needed more and more to get high, to even feel normal. I felt trapped.

One day, I was skipping class. I'd thrown up in the morning again. (Later I would link this to prodromal CHS, but that's another post.)

I was listening to It's Gonna Be Okay, Baby by MUNA in my bed, the world swirling around. I had just bought more yesterday. I had smoked as much as I liked in the morning. I should be happy, right? Am I too high to feel happy?

Until the moment you wake in the deepest of pain that you've ever been in

And you admit you've gotta quit him

...

You're gonna start to call friends

You're gonna start to call yourself an addict

I thought about leaps of faith. I thought about what it would take for me to get clean. I had been planning - hoping - that I could quit for a little bit by then. I had bananas and saltines in my dorm cupboard, easy things to eat with no appetite.

I thought about it. I wanted to do it today. I didn't want to wait anymore.

I got up and put all my weed and implements into a bag, and then another bag, and I taped it all shut. I walked to my locker in the art building across campus. The building is closed between midnight and 7am - even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to break on the first night, even though I didn't have it in me to completely get rid of my weed yet.

I spent all day journaling and waiting for the withdrawals to kick in. I was so exhilarated by the fact that I was actually doing something about my problem, I didn't care how much my body felt like it was full of bees. Or how my thoughts raced, or how the tiniest thing could make me cry. I just thought about how I wanted at least 24 full hours under my belt so I could call my Mom and tell her, I'm doing it, I'm really doing it, and I'm so sorry - and havd the authority to say that.

Letting go felt amazing. I had been gripping so tight, holding on so hard to the idea that I was in control, I could control this, I could fix this by using more...

When I quit, I decided not to view the buzzing in my body as anxiety. The excess energy was just my body burning the drug out of me. It was just a physiological process. The night sweats were just my body getting it out. I would be better in a week.

Instead of struggling, swimming upstream against sobriety, all it took in the end was for me to let go and allow the current to toss me around for a while. I remembered swimming in the river as a kid, that moment when you don't know which way is up and you just have to save your energy and let the water spin you over, push you down, then let you bob back up.

I told my boyfriend and all my friends; they stayed with me when I didn't want to be alone.

After two days, I went into the clay studio and finished my unfinished projects. I felt peaceful for the first time in ages. I could work on my pottery for as long as I wanted without heading off to top off my high - I didn't have to live my life on a two hour timer. There was a patience and focus I hadn't felt since I first relapsed six months prior. I was free. I called my mom; she told me she knew something was wrong but she didn't know how to help me; we both cried in joy.

On the third day, I went to see my boyfriend. We kissed and kissed, and I felt so much more aware of everything in the room. The light, his eyes, the morning birds, my love. I told him my addiction was only reason I had so much trouble spending the whole night before, and he was relieved of the wondering.

I went back to the art building, a fire inside me. I destroyed my silicone bong, cut to little pieces, and sealed those pieces in a one-quart mason jar. I blasted blasted The Bitch is Back and grinned while I soaked a Ziploc full of flower in paint solvent, entombing it in the caustic liquids disposal barrel.

After four days, I ate an orange and I wanted it. It tasted incredible. I tore into it like a feral animal. My natural hunger was coming back!

After a week, I could sleep without taking Advil PM to coax it along. I slept over at my love's room and got to stay all morning, wait for him to wake up, get breakfast together. Finally! And I was eating full meals, wanting them. I felt stronger. I felt like I was becoming someone other people could rely on.

After two weeks, I was sleeping through the night, not waking up before sunrise anymore. And I was dreaming again, sometimes. I used to keep dream journals... I'm starting that again now.

That is how I learned, once and for all that these myths were myths. There were physical effects of withdrawals. On day three, I think, I threw up on the carpet of a quiet Chapel. Oops.

Smoking all the time did have consequences. Not "reefer madness", but real things. It made me anxious and then became the only way to temporarily relieve the anxiety it had caused. It made me obsessive, made me emotionally fragile and prone to despair. It made it hard to travel or do new things, since I always needed a plan for how I'd get some. It harmed my lungs; I coughed up grey goo for months after quitting. It harmed my digestion and disrupted my natural signals of hunger. I had no appetite unless I got high, and eventually even that broke down, making food into a constant struggle. (Look up Cannabis hyperemesis syndrome.)

I am a "real addict". I'm not here to compare struggles with anyone with a different drug of choice, just to say that my addiction was real, and the depths of despair I felt when I couldn't think of anything but getting high were real too.

I know this was a long post but I wanted to put my story out there, just in case it could possibly help someone still suffering, or inspire understanding in people who have never experienced this.

I'm almost 3 months sober and I'm thankful for that every single day. I hope you got something out of reading this. Thank you.

[psmd-lingering-shadows]

Part 3: Into The Foreboding Forest

…

“Nozomi?”

…

“Nozomi, please wake up.”

…

“Nozomi!”

“…?!”

I quickly jolted my head up and frantically looked around until my eyes landed on Miss Audino. I stared at her with a confused expression, wondering what was going on.

“You fell asleep during the last few minutes of class. I would have woken you up earlier, but the bell was about to ring, so I just let you be,” she explained.

I fell asleep?! I didn’t even realize! Aw, nuts…I figured it would happen eventually because of my sleeping troubles, but I didn’t want it to happen in her class…

I gave her an apologetic expression, only for her to respond by shaking her head.

“Oh, there’s no need to apologize. If I’m being quite honest, you looked like you needed it,” she said with a grin.

I gave her a small smile and thanked her for being so understanding, even though I still kinda felt bad about it. Then I turned and looked back, realizing that I was the only student left.

Miss Audino saw me looking back and spoke again with an awkward chuckle. “Oh, yes…I might have let you sleep for a little while longer after the bell rang. I spent that time getting this for you.”

“…?”

After she said that, she revealed a cup of juice from behind her back. I looked at it with a confused expression, briefly wondering what type of juice it was and why she’d go out of her way to get it for me. That’s when I noticed the purple color and the aroma it had.

…Wait. This is-!

“Mm-hmm. It’s a cup of Chesto Juice. I asked Mr. Farfetch’d if he could run down to the cafe and get it for you.”

I excitedly sat up when she told me what it was and stared at the cup, eagerly waiting for her to hand it over. Miss Audino giggled at my reaction before giving it to me.

“Here you go, dear. It’s all yours,” she said.

I thanked her once more, took the cup from her, and quickly chugged the Chesto Juice down. Within seconds, I could feel my body regaining energy, and the drowsiness that was plaguing my body vanished. My mind felt a lot clearer, too. I sighed in satisfaction and smiled happily. Oh, yeah. I felt soooo much better.

Miss Audino noticed that I was in much better spirits and gave me a warm smile. “Oh, what a relief. I’m glad to see that you’re back to your usual self. I was pretty concerned about you during class, you know?”

Wait, she was concerned about me? Does that mean…?

As if she knew what I was thinking, she nodded. “Yep. I didn’t buy it when you told me that you were feeling fine this morning. I just knew that something was wrong. I am a nurse, after all.~”

Gah, that’s right! If she’s a nurse, then I guess she’d be more observant of this type of stuff, wouldn’t she?

I mentally facepalmed and awkwardly scratched the back of my head for being caught in such a blatant lie. I was about to apologize for fibbing, but then I noticed that Miss Audino’s expression had shifted into a serious one.

“Um, while we’re on the subject…” she started.

Noting her sudden shift in mood, I looked at her with a neutral expression and waited for her to finish her sentence.

“…Why were you so tired this morning, anyway? You didn’t stay up too late last night, did you?” she asked.

I shook my head, causing her to tilt her head in confusion. “No…? Did you have troubling sleeping, then? Or did you have trouble staying asleep?” she asked.

Once again, I shook my head at both of her questions. The truth was, I had an idea as to why I felt so tired today. It had to be because of that dream I had. Although, I was kinda hesitant to call it a dream. After all, it felt so…real. I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream that was so vivid before. I don’t know for sure if that’s what caused it or even how it would be able to cause it, but I just can’t shake the feeling that it somehow has something to do with it.

“…Is that right? Hmm…” Miss Audino stared at me for a few more seconds, trying to think of a possible cause to my exhaustion. However, it seemed like she couldn’t think of anything, because she ended up closing her eyes and sighing.

“I see…That’s pretty strange…and a little worrying,” she said with a concerned expression on her face.

“…”

As soon as those words left her mouth and I saw her expression, I couldn’t help but frown. Don’t get me wrong - I appreciated her for being concerned about me, but at the same time, I kinda…didn’t want her to. It…made me feel guilty. I mean, just look at Pops. When we talked about it yesterday and this morning, it ended up stressing him out a lot. Well, of course it would - I am his daughter, but still…I just don’t want other Pokémon to worry about me so much…

After all, I…I’m not someone who’s worth stressing over…

Miss Audino noticed me frowning and quickly shook her head. “O-oh, there’s no need to worry! I’m sure it’s nothing serious. I’m just confused as to why it’s happening. …Er, this is the first time it’s happened to you, right?” she asked.

I nodded my head. Technically, that was a lie. I’ve woken up feeling just as bad for the past few weeks, but this is the first time I’ve had a weird dream to go along with it.

“Hmm…okay, then. Like I said before, I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. It was probably just a one-time thing. But, if it does happen again, please don’t hesitate to come to me, alright?” she asked.

…!

“If it happens again, please don’t hesitate to come to me.”

…

“Very well. I’ll choose to believe your words for the time being. But…if you have any sort of problem, you had better talk to me about it like you promised you would, understood?”

…Again. That guilty feeling washed over me again.

I just couldn’t help it. Yesterday, when Pops brought up my sleeping issues, I told him that I would tell him if something else happened to me, and now, Miss Audino is asking me to do the same with her. It just…bothered me. I know it shouldn’t - it meant she cared about me and just wanted to help. But it did. Having other Pokémon worry over me like this. It felt…wrong. After all, to everyone else, I was nothing but a troublemaker, right? I did nothing but cause trouble for others, even when I didn’t mean to. So, why?

Why would anyone ever be concerned about someone as bothersome as me?

“…Nozomi?”

“…!”

Realizing that I had stayed quiet for a while, I quickly looked at Miss Audino, who was staring at me with the same concerned expression from earlier.

“You looked like you had zoned out for a moment. Are you sure you’re alright? Do you still feel tired?” she asked.

I shook my head at her, then told her that if I felt like this in the future, I’d tell her.

…It was the third lie that I told her today.

Miss Audino smiled at my reply gave a satisfied hum. “Good. That’s all I needed to hear. I wouldn’t want you walking around the village while you’re still half-asleep, you know?” she said with a chuckle. I chuckled as well, hoping that she wouldn’t catch on to how guilty I felt in that moment.

After that, she looked around for a moment before letting out a gasp, causing me to look at her in confusion.

“Oh, dear! That’s right! School’s already been let out! I didn’t mean to keep you here for so long!”

…!

Oh, she’s right! School was already over. I had kinda forgotten about that…

She turned back to me and gave me a sheepish smile. “I’m so sorry, Nozomi. We were talking for so long, I ended up losing track of time. If you’re ready to leave, then you can head out right now.” she said as she pointed to the exit.

I nodded at her and stood up from my seat. Then I headed down the slope and walked past the school gate.

“Take care! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Miss Audino shouted.

I looked back at her and gave her a small smile before I finally left. While I was walking on the path to the village, I thought more about our conversation - more specifically, about the fact the I ended up lying to her about my situation. A part of me was upset with myself for constantly lying about it, but it was for the best. I didn’t wanna inconvenience her with my problems. Besides, if I’m right about this, I already have an idea as to why this was happening. Like I mentioned earlier, that weird dream seems to have something to do with this. I have no proof - that’s just the feeling I have. Hmm…I wonder if I’ll have the same dream tonight? If if do, maybe I could get some answers. Maybe I could try talking to that creepy voice, see if it knows anything.

…Now that I mention it, I haven’t mentioned my dream to Pops yet. Should I tell him…?

Yeah…I guess I should. Even if I didn’t want him to worry, he is my dad. He has a right to know. And besides, unlike with Miss Audino, I did promise that I would.

Before I realized it, I had arrived in the plaza. I stopped and looked around in surprise. The walk from school to Serene Village seemed a lot shorter for some reason. Maybe it was because I was wrapped up in my own thoughts.

Anyway, I stood there for a moment, wondering what to do next. I had all this time to kill, and it would be a waste to just go home now…

…Oh, wait!

Pops said that he would be home early today, didn’t he? He said that we would eat dinner together!

I smiled excitedly at the idea of actually being able to spend some time with him. We haven’t spent some quality time together for a while. Even if it was something as simple as eating dinner with each other, it was still enough to make me happy.

With a wide smile still on my face, I started running towards the direction of my house, eager to see Pops and fill myself up with delicious food. Aw, man! This is gonna be great-

…Huh?

I suddenly stopped in my tracks when I noticed something odd in the corner of my eye. I turned to my left and saw Deerling and Shelmet together. They were having a conversation, and it looked like they were both upset about something. I slowly walked closer towards them until I could hear what they were both saying.

“…What?! Goomy did?!” Deerling asked with a look of shock on her face.

“Yeah, well, he insisted on going-“ Shelmet said before Deerling quickly cut him off.

“No more excuses, Shelmet!” Deerling shouted, clearly angry at him. “Tell me the truth! You and Pancham pushed him into this, didn’t you?”

When I heard Deerling say that, I couldn’t help but frown in concern. Of course, I don’t have all the details yet, but from what I’ve heard so far, it seems like Pancham and Shelmet goaded Goomy into doing some crazy dare. If that’s actually what happened, then I wouldn’t be surprised. Though it’s not as bad as when they pick on me, Pancham and Shelmet also tend to mess with Goomy from time to time. They usually do so by riling him up into doing something reckless so he can prove himself to them. And it always ends the same way - with Goomy getting into some sort of trouble and needing someone else - usually Deerling - to bail him out. But still, even though they don’t mess with him as much, it’s still upsetting whenever they do. After all, Goomy is younger than us, so the heckling is going to get him more than it would me. Thankfully, Deerling’s usually around to make sure things never gets out of hand. But it looks like she wasn’t able to keep things from escalating this time…

Shelmet nervously squirmed for a bit before speaking again. “Th-that’s…not fair, Deerling! He’s the one who said he wanted to go! How can you stand there and blame us?”

“Quite easily. You’re the ones who are always teasing poor Goomy, after all! Someday you’re going to go too far, and it’ll be too late for sorries then!” Deerling replied in a stern tone.

Shelmet let out a small gulp. “I-I know that! No need to worry so much!”

“You’re going to show me the way there. Right now,” Deerling commanded, her intense expression never leaving her face.

Shelmet hastily complied and with a defeated sigh, led Deerling to wherever they left Goomy.

Huh…so it looks like I was right, after all. I shook my head as an annoyed sigh left my beak. Darn it, you two…don’t you have anything better to do than pick on a little kid? You can be so irritating sometimes…

…Though I guess I don’t have a lot of room to talk, do I?

…

Well, whatever.

After hearing all of that, I can’t just sit back and do nothing. I wanna help, too! I wanna make sure Goomy’s okay! And, from the way they were talking, it sounds like Goomy could have gone to a Mystery Dungeon. If that’s true, then I definitely want to go with them! Traversing through a Mystery Dungeon, battling against fierce Pokémon…it’s just an adventure waiting to happen!

…Ah, but would they even let me?

If I just barged in and said I wanted to help, Pancham and Shelmet would probably make fun of me and tell me I’d just get in the way. Even Deerling might try to stop me…As much as I don’t wanna admit it, I know that I don’t have the best relationship with my classmates. Even though I’ve tried my best to get closer to them, my reputation as “Serene Village’s Resident Troublemaker” makes it hard to make friends. Heck, I think the only other kid in the village who doesn’t mind being around me as much is Espurr…

B-but that doesn’t matter right now! I wanna help Goomy, so I’m gonna help Goomy! It doesn’t matter if they don’t want me around! I’m not going to sit here while he could be in trouble!

With a determined expression on my face, I nodded to myself and ran towards the village gate. Deerling and Shelmet shouldn’t have gone that far yet. I’ll follow both of them from a distance and see where they end up going…

A LITTLE BIT LATER…

Thankfully, the trip to where Goomy was didn’t take too long. Though, it would make sense that it wouldn’t. I doubt they would go anywhere too far from the village. As I kept tailing Deerling and Shelmet, I quickly looked around to see where we were. However, it only took me a few seconds to figure out where Goomy ended up going.

…The Foreboding Forest.

My eyes widened slightly as that realization sank in. Pops has constantly told me to stay away from this place, just like with most of the other Mystery Dungeons. Just like the name suggests, the dungeon is bad news. It’s an ominous, sinister forest with almost no light shining in it, meaning that it’s constantly dark. Combine that spooky atmosphere with the wild Pokémon crawling around in there, and you’re in for quite the experience…

It’s absolutely perfect! This is just the type of dungeon that I’d wanna go through!

…

…U-um, but that’s not important right now. Goomy’s safety is the top priority!

I continued lagging behind the two until they both reached the entrance to the forest. That’s when I saw Pancham standing there, tapping his foot impatiently. It looked like he had been waiting there for a while already. But once he saw Deerling and Shelmet approaching him, he widened his eyes in surprise.

“Huh? Shelmet? Why’d you bring Deerling here? I mean, I’m not complaining, but-“

“I made him lead me here. He told me about your stupid little dare,” Deerling said angrily, catching Pancham off guard. He quickly turned to Shelmet and gave him a angry glare.

“Dude, you told her?!” he asked.

“She forced it outta me! It’s not my fault!” Shelmet quickly replied.

Deerling ignored the two and looked around for a bit before realizing that Goomy was nowhere to be seen. She turned back to look at the boys and interrupted their bickering.

“…Where is he?”

Upon hearing this, Pancham and Shelmet both exchanged awkward glances before Pancham decided to speak up.

“Uh…still in the forest?”

Deerling couldn’t help but stare at him in shock in response to his answer. “What?! He still hasn’t come back out?”

Pancham nodded. “Yeah, that’s right. It’s been a pretty long time, too. I knew he was a total wimp,” he said with a smug smile on his face.

“No surprise there. He shoulda just admitted what a wimp he is and kept his mouth shut.” Shelmet added.

“But he had to go and talk big, like he could handle that kind of place. He was boasting, saying, ‘I’ll show you!’. That’s what got him into this mess.”

“He’s probably huddled up somewhere in the forest, petrified and sniffing back tears!”

The two boys both started laughing at their own insults towards Goomy, causing Deerling to become even more upset at them.

“You are so mean, Pancham! Goomy isn’t even the same age as us yet!” she shouted.

The two stopped laughing and looked at her again.

“Yeah, but he’s the one who talks big. He got what was coming to him. We figure it’s our job to teach him a little something about how harsh the world is,” Pancham replied.

“And if something happens to him in there? What are you going to do then, huh?” Deerling paused and looked at the two before shaking her head disapprovingly at them. “I’m going in after them!”

She tried heading into the Forboding Forest, but she was quickly stopped by Pancham and Shelmet, who had worried expressions on their faces.

“No way! You can’t go in there, Deerling!” Shelmet shouted.

“What if something happened to you? We can’t let that happen to our idol! We’re not letting you set foot in such a dangerous place!” Pancham said, agreeing with his friend.

Deerling backed up and looked at both of them in disbelief before groaning in frustration. “Are you kidding me? Then fine! You go in after him!”

When he heard what Deerling had said, Pancham froze. He stared at her awkwardly, hoping that she was somehow joking.

…She was dead serious.

When he realized that, he gulped and awkwardly repeated what she said.

“Y-you want us to go? Into the Foreboding Forest?”

He quickly glanced at the path that led deeper into the forest, then looked back at Deerling, who was still visibly angry.

“…No way. Why would we do that?”

…

…

…

I couldn’t help but sigh disappointingly at his answer. Typical Pancham. He talks a big game, but is never able to back it up.

Deerling, rather than say anything, just kept staring at him, her eyes full of a silent rage that I rarely see from her.

Pancham flinched at her death glare before shaking his head and trying to elaborate.

“I mean, it’s n-not that we’re scared or anything like that. I d-don’t want you getting the wrong idea or whatever. You understand, right?”

…Oh, brother. You were picking on Goomy for being scared earlier, but now you’re saying stuff like this? Ugh, whatever. I suppose now would be a good time to show myself.

I stepped away from the tree I was hiding behind and started walking towards the three. They all heard me approaching and quickly turned around to see what was making the noise.

“Hello?! Who’s there?” Deerling shouted, slightly startled.

I kept walking until I was clearly visible to all of them. When they saw me standing there, they stared at me with confused expressions.

“N-Nozomi?!” Deerling blurted out.

“What the heck are you doing here?!” Pancham asked.

Shelmet kept staring at me until he figured out what happened. “Wait…did you follow us?!” he asked.

Oof…looks like the Skitty’s out of the bag.

I nodded, causing Pancham to groan.

“Ugh, seriously?! We’re already in the middle of something here. We don’t need to deal with you, too!” he said, clearly annoyed just by the fact that I was here.

Deerling turned to Pancham and gave him another glare. “Knock it off, Pancham. You’re in no position to act like that,” she said.

Pancham crossed him arms and looked down with a grunt. “Hmph…”

Then she turned back to me with a confused expression. “But seriously, why did you follow us?” she asked.

…

“So you heard our conversation in the village and wanted to help Goomy…” Deerling summarized.

I nodded and told them that I was willing to go into the Foreboding Forest to look for him.

When I said that, Deerling gave me a concerned look. “A-are you sure? This is the Foreboding Forest we’re talking about. This place is pretty dangerous…you could get hurt if you’re not careful,” she warned me.

Pancham turned to her and scoffed. “Oh, please. It’s not like this is anything new for her. After all, she’s an expert at going into places she doesn’t belong,” he said mockingly.

…Well, he’s not wrong.

Deerling turned to Pancham and gave him yet another angry glare, instantly causing him to clam up. Heh, like I said, all bark and no bite.

It looked like Deerling was about to shout at him again, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she stopped herself and looked down as if she was thinking about something. Then she looked back up at Pancham and spoke.

“…Actually, Pancham, why don’t you tag along with Nozomi?”

Pancham and I both looked at her with a confused expression.

“Wait, what?!” we both shouted in unison.

“I’d be uncomfortable having Nozomi go into the Foreboding Forest all by herself. And you and Shelmet refuse to let me step even one foot in there. So the only other Pokémon who can go with her are you and Shelmet. So unless Shelmet wants to go instead…” she said as she turned to the Bug-Type Pokémon.

Shelmet tensed up and started to stammer. “Uh…well…I…”

“…I’ll take that as a no,” Deerling simply said, then turned back to Pancham. “Well, Pancham? You said you weren’t scared earlier, right? So it shouldn’t be a problen…right?” she said with a slightly smug smirk on her face.

Pancham glanced at me, then at the entrance to the forest, then back to Deerling. It looked like there was no talking his way out of this one…at least, not without hurting his precious ego. I had to hand it to Deerling…she got him good. She had him completely backed into a corner.

Pancham stayed quiet for a few more seconds until he let out a low growl and furrowed his brow. “F-fine! I’ll go with her! You happy now?” he asked.

Deerling nodded and let out a content hum. “Then I guess that’s settled! We’ll leave it to you two!” she said with a smile.

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh at the way things turned out. As cool as it was watching Deerling one-upping Pancham like that, in the end, it meant that I had to go through the Foreboding Forest with him. I know Deerling said she was worried about me going by myself, but I honestly would have preferred that than going with Pancham.

Pancham grumbled to himself for a bit before turning to me. “Hey, Nozomi! Listen up, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once. Shelmet and I placed a big piece of paper in the forest for Goomy to find. It’s not that far from the entrance, which means that he shouldn’t have gone too far. The two of us are gonna find Goomy as quickly as possible and come straight back here. No wandering off, no taking any detours, and no staying in one place for too long, you got that?! We’re looking for Goomy, not going on one of your stupid ‘adventures!’”

“…”

I gave him a small glare before nodding at him. It’s not like he needed to tell me not to do that stuff. I’m not that irresponsible…am I?

Deerling looked at both of us, suddenly being reminded of the history we had with each other. Then she walked over to me with a small frown and started to whisper.

“Nozomi, are you sure you’re alright with this? I know I kind of forced Pancham to go with you, but I could always go instead. I know you two don’t get along that well, so I could always take his place. I doubt he’d try to stop me this time if I offered to…” she said.

I shook my head and declined her offer. Yeah, Pancham and I weren’t on the best of terms, but who knows? Maybe going through this dungeon together would bring us closer together!

…

…

…

…Yeah, probably not…That’s just wishful thinking on my part…

But even so, I still think Pancham should come with me. He’s the one who got Goomy into this mess, after all. It’s only fair that he helped look for him.

Deerling, despite still seeming a little worried, nodded and backed away from me. Then she faced the both me and Pancham. “Okay, then. If the both of you are ready, then hurry and head into the forest. Let’s try to find Goomy before it gets too dark,” she said.

I hummed to acknowledge what she said while Pancham just let out of “Hmph.”. Then he started walking towards the entrance of the Forbidden Forest.

“Let’s get this over with,” he simply said.

After he said that, I quickly followed behind him, marking the beginning of our quest to find Goomy. As we both walked deeper into the forest, we heard Deerling and Shelmet shouting at us to be careful and that they’ll be waiting for us. Hearing that caused me to smile a little, knowing that despite us not being all that close, they still cared enough about us to say something like that. Even Shelmet, who picks on me just as much as Pancham does. Though, maybe he was saying all that to just Pancham instead of both of us…Meh, it didn’t matter now.

…

…

…

When we both entered the first floor of the Forbidden Forest, I took a quick moment to look around. The place was even darker when you were actually inside of it. The tall trees managed to block most of the sunlight from shining down into the dungeon. Speaking of plants, all of the greenery was all dark and gloomy-looking. There wasn’t a single bright and vibrant plant anywhere to be seen. Yeesh, now that I’m experiencing it for myself, I can see why other Pokémon tend to avoid it like the plague…

“Hey, Nozomi!”

“…!”

I was pulled out of my thoughts by an annoyed-looking Pancham, who was tugging on my flipper.

“Come on, pick up the pace! We don’t have all day, you know,” he said.

Ugh…I can’t even look around without Pancham getting on my case. Maybe I should have let Deerling come with me, after all…

I simply nodded and walked closely behind him. Our plan was to head deeper into the forest until we eventually spotted Goomy. The farthest he should have gone was a little past the 4th floor, where Pancham and Shelmet set up the paper. So like Pancham said earlier, this shouldn’t take too long if we kept moving.

After a little bit of walking, Pancham started shouting for Goomy to see if he was around here somewhere.

“Hey, Goomy! Can you hear us?! It’s Pancham and Nozomi! We’re here to get you outta here!” he shouted while looking around for him.

…No response.

Pancham groaned. “…Didn’t think it would be that easy. He’s probably deeper in the forest. Come on. Let’s keep going,” he said.

The two of us kept looking around, trying to be as thorough as possible. As small as this floor was, it was easy to miss another Pokémon if you weren’t paying attention. The forest was covered in all sorts of thick greenery too, so that made it more difficult to clearly see everything around us. We would also occasionally run into some lower-level Pokémon that would try to attack us. We dealt with them easily enough, but they kinda slowed us down. With all of this extra stuff we had to deal with, finding Goomy quickly ended up becoming tedious. And we were still only on the first floor…

Eventually, Pancham groaned and kicked the ground in frustration.

“Ugh, we’ve searched every nook and cranny of this floor and we didn’t find him! Don’t tell me he actually managed to make it to where Shelmet and I placed the paper?”

I shrugged. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But since we didn’t know for sure, we’d have to check the next couple of floors like this.

When Pancham heard me say that, he rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance. “Tch…what a pain.”

I turned to him with my brow slightly furrowed. Pancham noticed me looking at him and frowned.

“…What?”

…

“If it was such a pain, then why did I make him come here…? I didn’t make him do anything! He’s the one who decided to go!” Pancham retorted.

Yeah, probably because you kept making fun of him, you doof…

Pancham heard me say that under my breath and stopped walking. “Who the heck are you calling a ‘doof’?! And like you’re one to talk! You’re always getting Goomy into trouble by dragging him into those adventures of yours!” he shot back.

“…!”

T-that’s…he’s not wrong, but…

Noticing that I was stunned into silence, he kept speaking. “Be honest. You didn’t come here because you care about Goomy. You came here because it was just another adventure to you, right? Goomy was the last thing on your mind!” he said.

That’s not true at all. Sure, I was excited at the idea of coming here, but rescuing Goomy came first! He was my top priority!

“Yeah, right. That was probably just a convenient lie you came up with. You constantly get Goomy into trouble, and now you’re suddenly worried about him? I don’t buy that for one second,” he said with his arms crossed.

I don’t care if you buy it or not, it’s the truth…!

He kept ignoring what I was saying and continued his verbal assault. “And to think someone like you wants to join the Expedition Society. Do you really think they’d wanna accept someone who’s constantly hurting other Pokémon with their stupid antics?”

S-stop it…

“Face it, Nozomi. You’re just a selfish brat who doesn’t care about anyone but herself. There’s no way you’d ever be useful to anyone!” he said with a smug smile.

“!!!”

Who…who the heck does he think he is?!

He’s going on and on as if he knows anything about me…! I-I know I can be selfish sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about others. I…

At this point, I was genuinely starting to get upset. I was trying my best to hold it together, but the last thing he said…it made me feel something I couldn’t even describe. It was one of the most unpleasant feelings I’ve ever experienced.

…

I…don’t mean to cause problems for others…I just…

…

Pancham was about to say something else to me, probably another mean-spirited remark about me.

…That’s when he noticed the tears forming in my eyes.

“Wha…?”

“…”

His smug smile from earlier instantly vanished, and his eyes widened in shock. He just stared at me looking at the ground, trying my hardest not to cry.

After a few more seconds had passed, he looked down with a guilty expression on his face and sighed quietly.

“Aw, crud…” he said to himself before looking back up at me. “Hey, Nozomi, I didn’t…”

*growl*

“Wha-?”

Huh…? W-what was that?

I quickly wiped my eyes and shook my head, directing my attention to the sudden growling noise. Pancham did the same and got into a defensive stance.

“Goomy…? Is that you?” he asked. We both knew the answer already, but he probably asked just to be on the safe side.

…No response.

I followed Pancham’s lead and braced myself for what was about to happen. We briefly looked at each other, then turned back to the bush.

…

…

…

Ah, come on! The anticipation is killing me! We know it’s a wild Pokémon! Just hurry up and show yourself so we can clobber you-

Then, as if the dungeon somehow heard what I was thinking, two Furfrou appeared from the bush. Hold up…two?! I was expecting just one! And these two seem two be stronger than the other Pokémon we ran into earlier…cripes! This isn’t good!

“Holy-!” Pancham shouted, slightly startled.

The two Furfrou slowly approached the two of us, snarling with malicious intent. They both sheathed their claws as they were about to attack.

Pancham gulped and turned to me to see what I was doing, only to be shocked to see me simply staring both of them down.

“H-hey, Nozomi! What the heck are you doing?! Staring at them isn’t gonna make them stop. We gotta attack or use an item or something!” he said.

I internally scoffed at Pancham’s remark. Duh, you doof. I knew that already. I’m just waiting until they get close enough…

A few seconds passed and two Furfrou were only a couple of feet from us. I kept staring at them, waiting for them to make the first move. That’s when one of them suddenly tried to pounce on me.

“Nozomi!” Pancham shouted.

Heheheh…you’ve fallen right into my trap.

Mud-Slap!

I used Mud-Slap to hurl mud into the Furfrou’s eyes, instantly blinding them. Their attack was interrupted and they were stumbling around in confusion, trying to find me. However, I didn’t give it the chance as I immediately used my Bubble attack to finish it off.

Enraged by the fact that I KO’d its ally, the other Furfrou did the same thing it did and pounced on me. I was about to do the same thing as before, but that’s when Pancham got in front of me.

“Arm Thrust!”

Pancham managed to land five blows to the wild Pokémon before it went down. Once he knew for sure that it was knocked out, he gave it a cheeky grin and started boasting.

“Ha! Take that, you mangy mutt!” he said.

I watched him go on like that for a bit before shaking my head and sighing. Geez…he never passes up an opportunity to show off, does he? But, man, that was pretty surprising, getting ambushed like that. Although…now that I think about it, that was odd. I thought the Furfrou seemed stronger, but we managed to take them down pretty quickly. What’s with that…?

After he was done taunting the Furfrou, he turned back to me. “Heh. Looks like we managed to teach both of them a lesson!” he said with his hands placed confidently on his hips.

Yeah…I guess so?

…

I slowly walked over and examined both of the Furfrou out of curiosity. Pancham watched me and gave me a confused expression.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked.

I told him what I was thinking earlier, that these Furfrou seemed too easy to beat and that I wanted to take a closer look at them.

“Maybe they weren’t as tough as you thought? Or maybe we were just that much stronger than the two of them?” he said with the same confident tone.

I simply rolled my eyes and kept looking at them. Maybe they had gotten injured before we fought them and that’s why we didn’t struggle that much? No, there’s no way. I didn’t see any injures before-

“…!?”

Wait, what the-?!

Pancham saw my surprised expression and tilted his head curiously. “What? What is it?” he asked.

Both of them…there both had burn marks under their fur!

“What?!” Pancham shouted, running over to get a look.

I double-checked to see if maybe I was imagining things, but no matter how you looked at it, they were definitely burn marks. And, to make things more confusing, they looked...recent? So…this was the reason we took them down so easily. They were already injured…

Pancham stared at the burn marks for a few more seconds, then turned to me.

“Okay…that’s pretty weird. So, what? Were they attacked by another Pokémon or something?”

…Well, that had to be the case, right? The only thing capable of giving burns like this is another Pokémon…probably a Fire-type one. But if that’s the case, who did this? It couldn’t have been another dungeon Pokémon. After all, it didn’t seem like there were any Fire-type Pokémon around here…

Before I could get a chance to think about it some more, I was pulled out of my thoughts by a loud rustling noise.

“Oh, come on. Again?!” Pancham said, furrowing his brow angrily.

Another Pokémon? So soon after those two? Geez, what a pain…Oh, well. I guess it can’t be helped.

Just like last time, we both got into defensive stances and waited for our next opponent to show themselves. The rustling got louder and louder until it eventually reached the same bush the Furfrou jumped out of. We both glared at the bush, expecting the Pokémon to jump out just like those two.

However, we were both caught off guard when we heard a voice from the bush.

“Ugh…I forgot how much of a hassle it was to navigate through the Foreboding Forest. There’s so much shrubbery everywhere…”

Pancham and I quickly glanced at each other before turning back to the bush. That…that wasn’t a dungeon Pokémon.

They came from outside the dungeon, just like us.

From the sound of their voice, they didn’t seem much older than us, either. They had to have been around our age. But…hold on. It didn’t sound like Goomy’s voice…Did that mean that there was another kid in here? But I didn’t recognize it. It didn’t sound like any of the kids from the Village…so who was this Pokémon?

My question would quickly be answered as the mysterious Pokémon casually stepped outside the bush. The moment they did, my eyes widened in surprise. The Pokémon in question had a exploration bag on them, and they were wearing this weird bracelet-looking thing on their wrist. Despite the fact that they were a child, they had a stoic look on their face and slightly baggy eyes. But what interested me the most was the type of Pokémon they were. They were a Fire-type.

…Specifically, a Charmander.

[the-foolish-scholar]

Yo soy la mujer con un cara como payaso

In the spring semester of my first year at Miami, I enrolled into a political science class called, "Politics of the Middle East". The course's final required us to write a research proposal and personal statement, adhering to Fulbright's guidelines. I toyed around with different ideas but I ended up proposing a study based in Saudi Arabia meant to explore how the use of contraceptives had changed after the male guardianship laws had been rewritten, most notably allowing women to visit the doctor alone. I worked on the assignment for one night and one night only in the College Democrat's office. Periodically throughout that night I'd leave to get caffeine, something salty, or something sweet. I remember the stairway that I had to walk through to get those things pungently smelt like a mix of frosted sugar cookies and trash. After pulling an all-nighter, I was done and ready to turn in my essays. I ended up getting a 100% on that final, and my professor suggested that I consider actually applying for a Fulbright.

When I came back to Miami as a sophomore, I didn't really think of Fulbright that much. I was too focused on all the wrong things. I was still involved in politics and I dedicated most of my time and energy to being Membership Director for MUCD and later as the Campus Point for the Bernie campaign. On top of that, I was also busy with ADPi, the Urban Cohort, and my internship with the IRLC. Balancing all of that, along with a social life and academics proved to be tough. I took the picture below when I was at my busiest and most stressed point of the spring semester, because how tough could it really be to juggle one more thing? I thought that applying for a Fulbright wouldn't be that hard, since I got an A on my mock proposal/personal statement anyway.

About a year after I took that picture, I stepped back from politics and I got serious about applying. I made multiple meetings with the Fulbright Program Advisor and discussed potential research projects. I struggled to come up with a feasible project and became close to quitting. But then the most strange and vivid dream and I woke up knowing what I needed to do; I needed to study how one's social identities impacted their faith in a higher power. While working a full time job in Cincinnati at the Peaslee Neighborhood Center in the summer, I drafted my grant proposal and personal statement. I spent hours on the second floor of King Library every day after work, usually staying until close. When I wasn't writing or rewriting, I was in meetings receiving input to sharpen my application.

It all became very real when I had reached the on-campus deadline. I submitted my project and awaited my review from the campus committee. About two weeks after my submission, I had a meeting with the committee. I was pressed on my knowledge of current events in El Salvador as well as what I intended to research. One question about American values threw me off and I thought I had ruined everything but I was able to craft a clever response after a brief pause. I took the commentary the commission provided me with to heart and I made adjustments to my project, submitting for real about a week later. I made the meme above in hopes that I would one day get to post it along with a letter stating that I had won.

And then, the waiting game began. I remained calm for the most part. In January I was very fortunate to have a trip to El Salvador paid for by the Western Program at Miami University. I was on a delegation with El Centro de Intercambio y Solidaridad in honor of Rutilio Grande while I was there. One day we were visiting the cathedral and I found myself alone in the basement in front of Saint Romero's grave. For some reason, I felt compelled for the first time in nearly a decade to pray, and I prayed that I would win. Shortly after I arrived back in the United States, my prayer was somewhat answered, as I found out that I had advanced as a semi-finalist in the competition.

The nerves began to kick in after I had found out I was a semi-finalist. I applied knowing how hard it would be to win and I honestly never thought that I'd make it as far as I had. As people in the Slack began to announce that they had become finalists, I became a nervous wreck. I would reread my application over and over, in some sort of attempt to prophesize if I'd win or lose. The days leading up to my application notification were the most bizarre of all. My thoughts screamed that I'd be a failure but I felt this stillness inside of me that assured me everything would work out. I felt crazy for thinking I could be of the 20% who applied and won. I was never a 'good' student after all—just ask the people who knew me in high school. The night before I found out, I contemplated how I'd move forward if were to lose. I went to bed deciding to believe that winning was within reach, because it just felt good to believe in myself. Again, I had an intense dream, much more intense than the one I had prior. I woke up feeling as if I had stayed awake all night, despite getting a full eight hours of sleep. And then my phone pinged, I received an email letting me know my decision letter had been uploaded to the portal. And just like that, my dream came true.

Today is my first day in El Salvador as a Fulbrighter. I am looking forward to all that I will experience in these next ten months.

I could not have gotten here if it weren't for my community. I am eternally grateful to all of you who gave me edits, wrote me letters, talked me through ideas, and most of all, believed in me.

All posts about my work and my time here will be uploaded to this blog, https://the-foolish-scholar.tumblr.com (:

[arabellaflynn]

The SOJD is on hiatus. The Celtics dance team has gone mixed-gender this year, and he is one of the first men they signed. If any of you are the sort who watch sportsball and actually pay attention to the non-sportsball segments of the broadcast, have fun trying to guess which one of the guys did his best to teach me hip hop.

He says it is temporary. He swears that teaching is "necessary for [his] mental health", and that he's going to figure out how to run single-session pop-ups whenever he can. In theory, he'll go back to twice-weekly classes in April if our team sucks, June if we don't. 

I don't like not having that class. It was useful in a technical training sense, but a lot of classes are; I picked up two others that will teach me equally useful things. They're fine. My schedule is fine. Everything's fine, and I hate it. I've spent the past two weeks trying to come up with a reasonable career-based argument for why I'm at such a loss right now, and I can't, because there isn't one. 

I miss that class because I felt wanted. And it's taken me this long to articulate that because it feels like a petty thought to have. There are a million other people who have been perfectly lovely to me, and extended a welcome as soon as I asked for one. It shouldn't matter that someone walked up and started talking to me first for once, but it does. I feel ungrateful and childish for caring.

It took me forever to figure out what he was up to, because normally people are only that persistent about talking to me when they want something. He didn't seem to want special treatment from the desk and he was way too gay to be angling for a date, so I didn't know what the fuck. The other thing people normally want out of me is emotional work, because when you're known to be generally unflappable it makes you look like a great repository for everyone's trauma-thoughts, but it actually took me months to convince him that when I asked "how are you?" that was an actual question and not a social noise, so.

He didn't want me to do anything for him. I eventually wound up doing a lot of things for him, but I hadn't done any of them yet, and neither of us had any idea I was going to. He didn't have to talk to me at all. Most of the friends I have now are people who could not avoid making my acquaintance. We worked together or volunteered together or did a show together, or something. We're friends now because we like each other, but we only figured that out because we were required to interact at some point whether we wanted to or not. The SOJD could have just waved and walked past me. But he just wanted to chat, so he did.

How pathetic am I being that this actually matters?

I also felt very seen in that class, which is a whole 'nother can of worms. I have a love/hate relationship with attracting attention in classes, especially from the instructor. On the one hand, I understand it's supposed to be flattering, but on the other hand, I learn far better if I'm just fed a whole bunch of information and then left alone to sort through it, and I know from experience that attention is eventually going to end in me being deputized. I've picked up two other classes to fill in some hours, and both of them have already either started using me as an example. It irks me, but not enough to say anything; explaining why I have so much baggage around it is pretty much never worth the trouble. I just accept that if I want to take classes I'm going to have to put up with being the demonstration model in much the same way I accept that if I want to leave my house I'm going to have to put on real pants. It's just one of life's many annoyances.

Like life's other annoyances, you don't realize how much energy you put into dealing with it until you don't have to. The SOJD likes to pull people who are doing well up to the front row, because watching them succeed makes him happy. He tried it with me exactly once. I asked him, "Why am I up here?" he said, "Do you not like being up front?" I said "NO I DO NOT," he said, "Okay, you can go back where you were." Fin. I eventually drifted closer to the front of my own accord, once the mirror was more help than distraction, but he never brought it up again. I've never felt like I could have that conversation with an instructor, much less that it would solve more problems than it caused.

A lot of things have panned out like that. Fundamentally, I was just grateful to finally be in a room run by someone who Gets It, for certain very specific values of It that confound most other people. A lot of it has to do with understanding that yes, I am always in some amount of pain, and no, that doesn't always mean it would be better if I stopped doing whatever I'm doing. I can choose to do things that hurt, if doing them is more important to me than not being in pain, but that means I forfeit the right to have my pain acknowledged, because mentioning it just makes other people concerned to the point where they interfere. But I might decide that I just can't that day, and that decision isn't always going to be consistent, because it depends on a million bizarre and esoteric factors that I could not even begin to unpack. 

I've only had to bail on class a couple of times. The last time I did it, I told him "love y'all, but if I keep going I'm gonna throw up on someone's shoes." He laughed at me -- which was the correct response, because I was being flippant -- but also let me go without kicking up a fuss about whether I was okay enough to get myself home. I've seen him do the normal-person thing when other people have mishaps in class, so I know he knows what most people expect. Having my own self-assessment respected by default is not something I expect, because it happens so rarely.

A part of me is sorry that he Gets It, because this is stuff you can't understand unless you live it for yourself. But I'm not responsible for other people having bad experiences decades before I met them, and  now that they are where they are in life, I'm glad when I run into them.

I hate not having that space. I hate not having a class where I don't have to make sure I look 'okay' so I can fly under the radar. I do warn most dance teachers that I'm very bendy and will probably make a lot of mechanically-puzzling choices, but that's not the same as being able to say, "Wow, that really fucking hurts. Hang on a minute and I'll do it again," and not have to deal with all the fallout.

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[themomsandthecity]

I Had One Baby in the US and One Abroad. This Is What I Wish Americans Knew.

When I first told a fellow American about my 12-month maternity leave in Canada, she raised her eyebrows: "Not paid though, right?" Paid parental leave was a reality my friends back home couldn't comprehend. They were used to fighting for any leave at all and measuring it in weeks. But outside the US, having a baby looks a little different. For the first year of my daughter's life, Wednesday afternoons were spent clinking glasses with a Circle of Moms at the local brewery as our babies cooed on a blanket beneath us. We swapped stories about how naps were going (not good) and whose babies were starting to crawl (not mine). I was a first-time mom far from home, and these women had become family to me. We gathered every Monday at music class, Tuesday at yoga, Thursday at the park, and Fridays at a rotation of house concerts, where string quartets and guitar sing-a-longs transfixed our babies. Since year-long parental leave is normalized in Canada, it was easy to find a group of parents on the same schedule as me. At the end of a challenging year of sleepless nights and messy meals, I was grateful for the built-in friends and support during what could have otherwise been a lonely time. Because society in Canada is arranged in a way to support substantial parental leaves, it also wasn't seen as an inconvenience when I left my job for a year. My team hired a maternity leave cover so they weren't left scrambling, and I didn't have to feel guilty for not being there or pressured to check in. And when it came time for my daughter to start daycare, I watched her wave goodbye to me and walk right in, a big girl who was ready to start making friends. (And then I went and cried in my car.) But I was ready, too: taking the year to care for my body and mental health alongside my baby helped me feel prepared to return to work. Five years later, I was back in the US, walking through my quiet neighborhood with my second baby strapped to my chest. We were both crying. Life was chaotic, and I constantly felt alone. Without the same culture of regular parent meetups, I struggled to find community. There were probably programs at the library, but I had only recently come out from under the fog of having a newborn, and it was almost time to go back to work already, so it seemed too late to make the effort. The idea of somehow seeking out a group of friends seemed exhausting and I couldn't muster up the strength to organize anything. At four months old, my daughter still felt so young. It was heart-wrenching to say goodbye to her as I put on clothes that weren't sweatpants and prepared myself to fake-smile at my first morning meeting. I was lucky to be working remotely, but still, pumping felt impossible to schedule - I would get so caught up that I'd realize I missed a session, and by ten months, I wasn't producing any more milk. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if I had to schedule a pumping room and coordinate bringing everything to and from the office every day. Postpartum depression snuck up on me, until I felt constantly frustrated and out of energy. The difficulties that a support structure helped alleviate with my first child now felt insurmountable. The baby wouldn't nap in her crib, she wouldn't breastfeed, and alone, I felt like a failure. Sometimes I'd lay on the floor, unable to stop my racing thoughts. It took me a year to finally realize what was wrong and get the help I needed. Parental leave in Canada isn't perfect, but I did feel like society was working with me to help set me up to bond with my baby, feel confident in parenting, and form strong connections with my community. It allowed me to keep my job and feel valued in my career. Most importantly, it made me feel like I could take the time I needed to be a mom. In the US, I felt like I was swimming through sand, trying desperately to raise a baby before I had to go back to work, and the effects lasted long after the day I… https://www.popsugar.com/family/maternity-leave-abroad-essay-49361263?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[drea-exclusives]

Week 5 — You're On Your Own, Kid

Yesterday during class, the topic of MCO and the pandemic in general was brought up. We were asked about our experiences studying during the pandemic, and for the first time in a while the memories of that time which I had stored in the back of my mind came flooding back to me. And just like that, the decision for the topic of this week's entry was settled. So, here is the story of the highs and lows I experienced with my studies and mental health during the pandemic, as well as how I've forged ahead since then.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

I'll go ahead and say that 2021 was one of, if not the worst year of my life so far. A harsh emphasis on "so far" as I know that I have barely even lived this life and there is so much more I have yet to face. But of the most painful moments I've endured so far, 2021 was filled with many heart-wrenching memories that still affect me to this day when I reflect on it.

I was 17 then, a high school student going through the motions of life during the pandemic with online classes, while simultaneously preparing for SPM. Though this lifestyle had been going on since 2020, it never got easier but instead led to burnout in majority of my batchmates and other students. Despite not being one of the highest achievers prior to the pandemic, my teachers and the people around me had high expectations for me, not knowing that I was in one of the lowest points of my life.

I have never felt so hopeless and unmotivated for such a long period of time. Stuck in what felt like a never-ending rut with my life going downhill but having no desire or energy to get out of it. Fearless, even though I was completely unprepared for the biggest exam of my life because I had already lost all hope, yet the anxiety was eating at me every single day. Feeling so directionless in life because there was nothing I wanted to pursue or dreams I wanted to achieve post-SPM. And on top of all that, bearing this guilt of being a disappointment to everyone in my life; I can't begin to describe how lonely and trapped I felt inside my own head at that point.

It went on like this until SPM was around the corner. The only ways I managed to cope were through seeking comfort from my closest friends, writing words of encouragement in sticky notes and pasting them into my planner, creating a gratitude journal of all the things I was grateful for, and writing a letter to my future self that I would read at the end of that year. In other words, showing myself lots of kindness, forgiveness, and empathy; being mindful and acknowledging my situation was the most crucial practice for my mental health at the time. And in the end, although my SPM results were nothing extraordinary compared to my peers, yet I was beyond proud of myself for making it through the most difficult patch in my life.

Fast forward to 2 years later, I managed to achieve a CGPA of 3.93 for foundation as well as acquire the Dean's List award. The bittersweetness I felt on the day of the Foundation Award Ceremony is still so fresh in my mind. "I should been ecstatic" I thought, but in reality I spent more of that day re-reading the letter my 17-year old self wrote about her struggles, sympathising as I recalled how much she went through. Nevertheless, I took it as a reminder of my capabilities, and to trust that everything in my life would fall into place; I was exactly where I needed to be back then in order to be where I am today.

As of now, degree has been a little stressful and anxiety-inducing so far. At times I found myself doubting my abilities and questioning if I will return to how well I performed during foundation. Hence, this topic seemed fitting to write on while I attempt to start having faith in myself once again. There are many other obstacles that I will have to face, and the idea of being knocked down or facing the unknown can be discouraging and scary sometimes. But this experience in itself has given me hope, for I have faced and conquered all that was in my path previously, and therefore I know that I can do it again.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Song of the Week! As the title suggests, this was the song that represented how I felt throughout my journey with my studies and my mental health. Considering the fact that it was my most played song last year, it has definitely gotten me through many instances when it was tough to persevere and serves as a reminder of my resilience. The lyrics "you've got no reason to be afraid" have particularly stuck with me, being a source of encouragement and strength to believe in myself every time I encounter a rough patch. In other words, a song incredibly dear to me.

[studyingsocialjustice]

7 Days of Productivity, Days 1-3

Well, I had certainly hoped to be able to upload daily instead of all on one day. Alas, I ran out of time and energy after doing work all day to post any updates. But here we are! I'm honestly not super happy with how the last three days have gone, but I'm hoping for tomorrow and Friday to be better.

Monday Dec 4 - Day 1: As you can see by my Study Bunny daily study hours, I didn't get much work time in this day. I had a really hard time getting up and moving in the morning and ended up sleeping half of the day. My body definitely needed it, but it's not ideal when you have deadlines! I did have a productive rehearsal for my scene for my Directing class though. We didn't get to everything I had planned so I'll have to prioritize the last chunk during my rehearsal tomorrow. After rehearsal, I went to the library and started my final project for my Social Justice Education class. My topic for the project was the concept of Crip Time, and I had a little bit too much fun researching it! I am so passionate about the field of Disability Studies so I kept getting distracted by all the articles I was finding, even if they weren't actually useful to my project 😝 I guess that's a good problem to have, but again - deadlines!

Tuesday Dec 5 - Day 2: Unfortunately another day where I didn't spend as much time as planned on working. I had planned to spend the entire day at the library, but due to a miscommunication my anxiety got really bad right before my partner dropped me off at campus, and it took me probably three hours to be calm enough to get any work done. I used the Study Bunny app when I first got to the library, but after a few hours it just didn't make sense to me to bother using it since I was just going to work continuously. Next time I'll use the stopwatch function instead of the countdown. While I was at the library I created a universal annotation key for myself. I like to color-code my highlighting but it always slows me down to take the time to set up my color key, so I thought I would just create one that would be applicable to everything that I read, not just course readings. After I got home and showered, I was ready to do more work, but it seemed my cat had other ideas! I still managed to get another couple of hours of progress on my project though.

Wednesday Dec 6 - Day 3: I finished my project on Crip Time and thus finished my Social Justice Education class! I'm having a hard time being happy about it though. I spent 5 straight hours finishing the project, and didn't have it completely finished until just before I presented it to the class - and I was the last to go. I am happy with the final product, and I feel like I learned a lot from my work on it, but I'm pretty unhappy with myself for my utter lack of time management with the project. Oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there's always next semester. And hey, I don't have to worry about it anymore! That's one class down, three to go.

I also got my grades back for my two Incomplete classes. I got a B in both classes, which is honestly better than I was expecting. I didn't finish all of the work (and didn't finish most of the work for one of them) for them, so I thought I was going to have a C at best. But the B is a huge relief! And like with Social Justice Ed, it's done and I finally don't have to worry about it anymore.

Up Next: [] Make a plan for how I'm going to complete all the work for my Directing class [] Prepare for my rehearsal tomorrow [] Finish the text analysis for the scene I'm directing [] Complete my production critique for All's Well That Ends Well [x] Choose the other two productions that I need to watch and critique [] Order the gifts for my boyfriend's mom, grandmother, and stepmom for when we visit them all for Christmas. I'm thinking of getting candles for each of them as hostess gifts. We'll be spending 5 days with his mom's side of the family and then 5 days with his dad's - I'm nervous!

Wish me luck for a better and more productive day tomorrow! And I wish you the best of luck for your day and your exams as well. We got this!

🎵: Einaudi: Experience

[crossbowking]

The Sweetest Thing

Summary: (Set mid-season 6) Daryl reflects on life before the end - before he met you.

Word Count: 1,948

A/N: I'M BACK! I'm so excited to share this with y'all! It's super short, super fluffy, and super sweet (get it...like the title...lolololol) And it's also Daryl's POV! Woo!

Initially, this was going to be heart-wrenching angst, but I decided that we all could use a little lovin', ya know? I've missed y'all so much and hope my muse decides to stay awhile! I do have a few other ideas brewing muahaha!

Anyways, I might be a little rusty as I get back into the swing of writing, so any comments and feedback are greatly appreciated! (Ooh, also, if you'd like to be added to my new tag list, just give me a shout!)

Love y'all!!

xx Jess

Masterlist

Tip Jar

Daryl Dixon was no stranger to pain.

When he was eight years old, he dislocated his shoulder falling out of a rickety, old, oak tree.

He’d scrambled up the gnarled trunk, ignoring the shouts and taunts from other kids who’d chased him into the woods just beyond the schoolyard. He’d found a sturdy branch to cling to as they’d gathered at the bottom, throwing stray rocks and sticks at him, calling him names, laughing amongst themselves until they’d eventually lost interest and wandered back to the playground.

He’d waited for the bell to ring, for classes to resume and the kids to disperse to wherever they belonged — and then he’d begun climbing down. Except he’d misjudged a step and before he knew it, the harsh wooded ground was rushing up to meet him. He’d fallen, hard, on his left side, hearing a distinct popping sound on impact.

He hadn’t bothered to return to school, instead walking the thirty minutes back home, left arm cradled against his chest, sniffling softly as the burning in his shoulder intensified.

When he’d gotten home, he’d found his dad passed out drunk on the sofa, snoring so loudly he didn’t hear his son's cries.

It wasn’t until Merle had stumbled in from the local bar later that night that his shoulder was popped back into place.

When Daryl was sixteen years old, he got into his first motorcycle accident.

He’d spent all summer fixing the bike up, pouring every ounce of his time, energy, and money into the project. Merle was serving in the Marine Corps, his old man’s drinking habits were the worst they’d ever been, and Daryl had felt the sting of his father’s belt buckle one too many times.

He’d thought maybe he’d leave Georgia once and for all — travel across the country and find somewhere to settle down. Maybe he’d open an auto body shop in Montana, buy a nice house near the mountains or deep in the woods. Maybe he’d get a dog to keep him company. If he thought about it long enough, the more it seemed within reach.

He just needed to get there.

So one night in August, Daryl packed a bag and left.

He snuck out around two in the morning, not that anyone would’ve known or cared he was missing, rolled his motorcycle to the end of his street, and took off.

He’d never forget how that felt, the freedom that grew in his chest as he left his shit-hole hometown and every bad thing in it behind. It’d nearly brought tears to his eyes, the idea of starting over, of no one knowing his name, of —

Not even ten miles later, a deer ran out in front of his bike. He’d swerved, lost control, and crashed into a tree along the side of the road.

He never made it past the Georgia state line.

When Daryl was twenty-eight, he fell in love.

Well, maybe not ‘love’, but a dire and desperate attempt to feel something, anything, that wasn’t the all-consuming numbness that’d become so familiar as year after year wore on.

Julie was her name.

She was older – late thirties, early forties – with long, bleached blonde hair and a slyness that Daryl should’ve picked up on sooner. She’d frequented the dive bar he and his brother had spent most nights at, making eyes at him from across the room until one night, she’d finally approached him.

Attention was a foreign concept to Daryl – a woman’s attention, especially. His face had grown haggard with contempt and disappointment over time, a seemingly permanent scowl etched onto his face – and if that wasn’t enough of a turn-off, his sharp tongue sealed the deal. He wasn’t sure when he’d begun to lose himself, when aspects of Merle’s personality had begun to morph into his own, but it was easier to drink away the thought than confront it.

Which had led him to that dive bar, led him to Julie.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Julie had been using him to get free goods from Merle – but he’d kept that to himself. She’d simply been a distraction, nothing more, nothing less, from the darkness that’d been festering within him since before he could remember.

Their relationship had been surface level at best, but it was more than Daryl had ever had a taste of and he’d clung to it.

A few weeks later, he’d found Merle and Julie in bed together.

She’d offered a half-assed apology – though made no move to unwind herself from around his brother’s body – while Merle, on the other hand, had shot him a shit-eating grin and shrugged. “A man’s gotta eat,” he’d jeered, the indifference in his tone turning the younger brother’s vision red.

His knuckles were bruised and bloody for days after that.

Daryl Dixon was no stranger to pain.

He’d been dealt traumas that most people could never understand, would never understand. For the longest time, he’d wondered what he’d done to deserve the life he’d been given. Maybe he’d been a sinner in another lifetime, and this was his punishment – to merely exist, day in and day out with no real purpose, no meaning, with nothing more to his name than the scars he’d bear.

But then the world ended.

And, oddly enough, his life began.

“Hey, you okay?” came a sudden voice.

Daryl snapped out of his reverie, not having realized he’d zoned out to begin with. “Hm?” he murmured, blinking away the daze.

You came into focus then, watching him curiously, your brow furrowed. “You disappeared on me there for a second,” you pointed out gently, the corner of your mouth quirking.

Daryl felt his gaze flicker down towards your lips before he refocused his attention straight ahead, ignoring the heat rushing to the tips of his ears. He quickly cleared his throat, ducking his head down. “M’ here,” he rumbled, sneaking another glance at you from beneath the hair that fell across his face.

You smiled sweetly and the archer felt his stomach flip-flop as you reached towards him and brushed the strands away. “Good – try to keep it that way,” you teased, pulling away a moment later.

The archer tried to ignore the prickling beneath his skin where your fingers had grazed — like every nerve-ending had been set aflame.

“So, what’d you think?” you asked then, crossing your arms over your chest and staring down at the map splayed out between you.

Daryl redirected his attention, reaching down and smoothing out the creases that’d formed along the page. He laid his palms flat on the table, drumming his fingers as he focused on the task at hand. With Rick now running Alexandria, he’d wanted to take every precaution possible in case the community was to fall – having a backup location that was safe, secure, and well-stocked was integral. “There,” he rasped after a moment, jabbing his finger towards the shoreline. “Head east, comb the shore, see what we can see.”

You hummed softly in approval. “That’s what I was thinking,” you murmured, shifting forward and resting your hands beside his, squinting slightly as you examined where he’d pointed. “We could find a boat, fix it up,” you mused. “Maybe catch some lobster for dinner,” you glanced over at him, waggling your eyebrows.

Daryl scoffed as he straightened. “Churn some butter while we’re a’ it,” he huffed, fighting back a smile.

You laughed, his comment catching you by surprise. “Don’t act like I won’t hold you to that, Dixon,” you grinned, leaning back against the table and facing him straight on.

“Mhm,” he rolled his eyes, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his worn jeans, rocking back and forth on his heels.

You held his gaze a moment longer, something warm flashing over your face before you pushed away from the table. “Alright, I’ll update Rick and get a group together – head out in twenty?”

Daryl grunted softly in response, suddenly unable to find his voice.

“Okay, see you in a bit,” you smiled warmly, reaching out and patting the archer’s chest affectionately as you began to move past him.

But before your hand could slip away, Daryl covered it with his own and held it in place, faltering your momentum.

You shifted, turning back towards him, a puzzled look in your gaze.

“I jus’ –” he rasped, shaking his head as he ducked his head down, searching for the right words. He brushed his thumb against yours, back and forth, grounding himself, before he focused back on you.

You simply nodded, giving him the space to continue.

He cleared his throat, feeling it tighten as he forced himself to let go of a lifetime's worth of conditioned self-consciousness. He inhaled a deep breath, regarding you earnestly. “You're jus’ so damn beautiful, ya know that?” he finally mustered, his words rumbling against your intertwined hands, still pressed against his chest.

You appeared taken aback for a moment like you were wondering if you’d misheard him, or he’d misspoken. But when he merely held your stare, your features softened. “Oh,” you whispered gently.

A beat passed between you before your face lit up and you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him and sighing a long and heavy exhale.

Daryl welcomed the embrace, one arm snaking around your waist, his other hand moving to cradle the back of your head before he tightened his hold on you. His eyes closed as he breathed in the moment, committing the feeling to memory. You melted against him, nestling closer, fitting so perfectly it was as though you’d been crafted to from the very start.

When you pulled back, he couldn’t help but ache for you in the spaces you’d filled.

But then he opened his eyes and noticed the emotion that’d filled yours.

You sniffled softly, quickly swiping at a tear that’d slipped down your cheek as a hitched laugh pushed past your lips. “Now look at what you did,” you murmured playfully, almost bashfully.

Daryl snorted a breath, placing his hand against the side of your neck and using his thumb to brush away the trail of moisture left behind on your cheek. You laid your hand on top of his, leaning into his touch.

Neither of you moved for a long moment, simply breathing the other in before a small smile tugged at your lips. You shifted in his grasp, pressing a gentle kiss against his palm. “We should probably get going,” you sighed, the archer nodding once despite every fiber of his being screaming otherwise.

“Alright,” he rasped, balling his hands into fists and shoving them back into his pockets, ignoring the slight trembling in his fingertips.

“Alright,” you reiterated, a bounce in your step as you turned to leave. “Meet you at the gate?” you called from over your shoulder, yanking open the front door.

Daryl nodded once more, flicking the hair away from his face. “Mhm,” he rumbled, his voice once again lost.

“Cool,” you grinned, sending him a small wave before you slipped out, closing the door softly behind you without another word.

Daryl Dixon was no stranger to pain.

But you…

You were medicine to the sick, solace to the dying, strength to the weak. You’d crawled your way beneath his skin and called it ‘home’. You were everything he needed and nothing he deserved, and God damn it, he’d live this hellish life a thousand times over if it meant finding you.

Daryl Dixon was no stranger to pain.

But he’d shoulder the weight of the world’s suffering for you.

The sweet relief of you.

Fin.

A/N: Ugh, so cute it makes me sick :')))))) lmao hope y'all enjoyed!

By the way, did anyone see the new trailer??? I'M FREAKING.

I'm hoping to have another story out to y'all soon, so stay tuned! I'd like to shoot for a 3/4 parter, but we'll see what happens!

P.S. Feedback is incredibly important. I write for my own happiness, but I also write for YOU. So don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask or leave a comment with your thoughts! It truly motivates me and helps move along the writing process. Also, please consider donating to my Tip Jar. Every little bit helps!

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[9tzuyu]

sick days

req: i was wondering if you could do a nat x daughter reader fic where we are basically overworking ourselves with school and our first job, and get really sick/depressed and nat notices and helps? cuddles and just support and fluff please?

hope this is ok, req is currently my situation and need some nat comfort for it :)))

notes: yass slayy another request down. idk how to feel abt it but i hope this was okay and i hope you like it!!

warnings: none? sickness, semi proofread, lazy title.

mama!nat x adopted daughter!reader

🏷: @c-is-writing yasss

. . .

monday started with a sore throat, but you ignored it thinking it would disappear on its own.

tuesday ended with a pounding headache and a bottle of tylenol by your bedside.

wednesday hit you with on and off waves of nausea, the night ending with you curled in a ball with your arms tucked into your side.

thursday you could hardly move out of your bed, but you trudged through it not wanting to worry about the consequences of not getting up.

the urge to fall in your mothers arms grew stronger every second you were awake. you'd been so stressed lately and she could tell. natasha tried to help in small ways as much as she could, but it only went so far when you were crammed day in and day out with work and school.

you had almost no time for yourself, let alone any time to spend with friends or hang around the house with your mom. it was no surprise natasha had no idea you were sick when you'd been leaving the house before she got up and coming home to her already asleep on the couch, clearly trying to stay up for your arrival.

friday though, was different.

natasha was up before you with breakfast ready on the kitchen table, something you typically didn't have time for before school.

"good morning." she greeted you with a warm smile on her face.

her red hair was tied back into a messy bun and you watched her for a quick second as she finished cleaning up her mess.

"morning." natasha was quick to raise her eyebrow at the sound of your voice.

"you okay?"

"mhm." you nodded, closing your eyes as you took a seat at the table. all you had to do was get through the next two days. that's it.

"you don't sound okay."

"i'm okay mom, promise." you mumbled, forcing yourself to take a bite of the food on your plate.

normally you'd be ecstatic that your mom made breakfast because she always made it well, but you didn't have the energy or the appetite to enjoy her cooking.

natasha watched as you shoved the food around on your plate and frowned. "i think you should stay home, you don't look too good sweetheart."

you were quick to shake your head in protest, "no mom i can't. i have school today and work after. i just have to wait until sunday and then i can rest."

"it won't kill you to call in, you know. i'm sure they'll understand. and you can always catch up on school, i'll help out with what i can." she tried to push.

"i said no." you snapped, despite that being the only thing you wanted to do.

"watch your tone," she warned. "and i'm not asking anymore, give me your keys."

"seriously? i have school-"

"and i'll call them and tell them you're absent."

"and work?" you huffed.

"it's a thursday night at a local craft store, they'll be fine. now hand me your keys."

"this is so stupid. i'm going to get behind and it's going to be all your fault." you rolled your eyes, shoving the keys in her direction before angrily getting up.

you didn't mean what you said to her. you were just so overwhelmed and tired, you couldn't control yourself when you snapped at her.

the next few hours were spent in your room. your muscles ached, your head was pounding and you felt like you were going to throw up any minute.

your only saving grace was the fact that your boss understood your situation and gave you the next couple of days off. now your mind was primarily focused on school and the work you were going to miss. it was only one day, but with AP classes it felt more like three days worth of work to catch up on.

natasha knocked on your door a little past noon with a bowl of soup. "here, it'll help your throat."

you didn't answer her out of guilt from earlier in the day, but when she left you didn't hesitate to turn over and try to provide some relief on your throat. plus it was good, natasha knew just the right seasonings to use that wouldn't bother your throat.

when you finished you tip-toed your way down the wooden floors of your hallway, careful not to make too much noise when you set the empty bowl in the sink.

before you could go back to your room you stopped to see your mom sitting on the couch, blanket wrapped around her body while she watched tv. she looked cozy, safe even.

it was because of that you went over to her, sneaking your way under the blanket and resting your head on her shoulder.

"i'm sorry mama." natasha snaked her arm around your back, gently guiding your body down so that you were laying on her stomach. her fingers found their way in your hair and began massaging the crown of your head in hopes of easing the headache she already knew you had.

"it's okay baby, i know you're sick." she reassured.

"i'm so stressed and i don't know what to do. and i'm so exhausted from everything, i barely have time for myself and i miss you and i can't-"

"hey, hey, shhh slow down. you're okay. take a deep breath for me." she rubbed her thumb over your cheek. "there you go sweetheart, you've got it."

when you managed to calm down a bit more natasha brought up the topic again.

"do you think dropping out of AP classes would help?"

"but what about college?" you mumbled softly. "i don't want to be a failure."

"you're anything but a failure, little lady. and most colleges don't care about AP classes anyway."

you sniffled, "they don't?"

"nope. it's mostly just a thing snobby kids use to boast about on their applications. you're only doing more work than necessary when it's not towards any kind of college credits." your mother confirmed.

"what about work?" natasha tilted her head, "can't you always adjust your availability? you don't have to work every single day of the week, especially not when you're still in high school. i don't like it when you're out so late every night anyway."

you nodded, "i missed spending time with you more than anything. i hate feeling this way."

natasha gave you a small squeeze, "i'm always here. we've got all the time in the world. now lets get you feeling better before we do anything else, okay? c'mon, i'll carry you to my room and we can watch a movie."

"mom i'm 17, you can't pick me up," you giggled as you hopped off the couch.

"you seem to forget that i have a serum running through my veins." she kissed the top of your head before picking you up and bringing you into her room.

you snuggled into her side, the feeling of sickness already starting to become less miserable.

everything would be okay as long as you had your mom around.

[marvelouspeterparker]

professor’s sweetheart

pairing: professor!tom holland x student!reader

summary: professor holland teaches british literature at your university. you hadn’t expected much when you signed up for the course, but the experience is everything and more than you could have hoped for. 

word count: 15.1k

warnings: there is smut in here but it’s not the main focus (wild, i know)

notes: uh yeah i’d say just don’t fuck your professor? this is purely fictional. be safe, you know how it is <3

also she wrote a professor!harry styles fic, but if i hadn’t read that (over and over) i probably wouldn’t have been inspired to write this. so check out @songbirdstyles​ !

i listened to this playlist while writing it if ur interested :)

give me feedback please!!

“What class do you have next?” Your friend, and roommate Liz asked. You were both walking out of the cafeteria. It was 1:15, you had just finished lunch and you had fifteen minutes until your next class. You pushed the doors open together and braced yourselves as the cool late September breeze hit you, blowing your jackets open. You put both sides of the jacket together in front of you and crossed your arms to block the cold out. 

“Um,” you thought back for a moment, the cold temporarily knocking your senses right out of you. “British Literature.”

If you were being honest, you had taken this course because it fulfilled one of your requirements, but in the end it felt like one of the most rewarding parts of your college experience so far. The material was interesting, and instead of being bored out of your mind throughout the whole hour and a half of class––it was actually entertaining. You had your professor to thank for that.

“Oooh,” Liz twisted her lips to the side to suppress a knowing smile, but the look in her eyes gave it away. “With Professor Holland?” She asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. 

You rolled your eyes and bit your tongue to hide your smile. “Yes,” you shoved her playfully to the side making her step in a pile of leaves, the crunch under boots loud as ever as it carried through the crisp air. “Shut up.”

You and Liz had been roommates since your first year at university and had now spent four, coming up on five semesters rooming together. Luckily, you really hit it off, and easily fell into a routine together, forming a bond as you ate lunch and dinner together, studied in the library, had dance parties in your dorm, and more. You knew each other inside and out, often having random late night conversations while you procrastinated your work or couldn’t sleep, about literally anything and everything. Bottom line is, you trusted each other, which is why she knew about your sort-of-crush on Professor Holland. 

To be fair everyone had a thing for him, he was just that kind of guy. He was sweet and compassionate and funny. Professor Holland was one of those genuine professors who sincerely cared about their students and their well-beings. He was incredibly understanding. He’d schedule dozens of meetings with his students all in one day just because he wanted to help and make sure they were all alright. He liked to check in every now and then, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

From what you could tell he also seemed like a people person. No matter who he was with, whether it was a student, his teaching assistant Jacob, or his fellow professors––he was always attentive, cracking jokes, enjoying the conversation. Everyone seemed to love him. But you could also tell that a part of him was just a tad bit cocky, but in a joking and love-able way. 

All this goes to show that you spent way too much time thinking about him, and observing him, which could either be seen as really endearing or really creepy. 

“Look I’m just saying,” Liz shrugged, “Enjoy the class.” She nudged you, “I know I would.”

Realizing you were approaching the writing and arts center, and Liz’s next class was in the building across the street, you sent her off. “Yeah yeah, okay. Bye.” You tightened your arms around you and scurried off, skipping a crack in the sidewalk and walking up the steps to the building. You opened the door and were immediately welcomed by a rush of warm air and let out a sigh, rubbing your hands together as you made your way to the lecture hall. 

You pulled your phone out and checked the time, 1:22. You still had 8 minutes to spare. You were still walking and only glanced up from your phone right as you were about to walk into the door and were stopped suddenly when you crashed into a hard chest. You immediately felt two warm hands grasp your arms to steady you and were suddenly enveloped by the smell of tea and mint. 

“Woah! I’m sorry, love, are you alright?”

You froze as you looked up, feeling very much like a deer in headlights as you realized you quite literally crashed into your professor. “Oh––um,” you swallowed, suddenly feeling like the air was escaping you. You cleared your throat trying to save yourself from anymore embarrassment. “I’m fine––I’m sorry, that was my fault. I wasn’t looking––” You paused when you noticed the small smile on his face, his warm eyes making you forget what you were going to say.

“It’s alright, Y/N. It was partially my fault as well, I was too focused on––” he seemed to snap out of some trance, straightening himself up as his hands dropped back down to his sides and into his pockets. “Uh, well that’s not important.” He pulled one hand out of his pocket––he was wearing those blue slacks that you thought made his thighs look great, respectfully, of course. He checked the time on his watch and you had to stop yourself from ogling the veins in his arms as he did so. 

He looked up at you, brows furrowed playfully and you actually had to remind yourself to breathe. “You’re almost ten minutes early. You that eager to see me?” He ended his question with a teasing smirk and your mouth opened and closed a few times before you managed to string together a response.

“I––um, I just really like this class and you––you’re my favorite professor.” You blurted out, your cheeks heating up as you realized what you just admitted. You had to force your eyes to go back to their normal size after they practically bulged at the realization of what you said. “And I mean, I just happened to get here early so...I thought I might as well get settled in.”

Your professor cleared his throat, trying to hide his smile as he glanced down at his shoes for a moment then back up at you. “Well then.” He extended his arm, pointing towards the open door of the hall and stepped aside. “Please, after you.” 

You gave him a small smile in return along with a quiet thank you and stepped through the door. But before you could walk over to your seat, you felt him lean over behind you to talk lowly in your ear. He was standing a respectably close distance, but his presence was so overwhelming it was as though you felt him everywhere. His breath caressed the smooth skin of your cheek as he spoke. 

“I’m technically not allowed to have favorites, but I do appreciate that you enjoy having me as your professor, darling.” It shouldn’t have had such an effect on you, really, it shouldn’t have. But something about him referring to himself by his title really did something to you. You took a sharp inhale as you stood up straight, your whole body on high alert as you turned your head towards him, your eyes refusing to look at his and instead finding solace in the fabric of his navy blue button up––which he’d rolled up to his forearms. 

“And if it means anything, I rather do enjoy having you in my class as well.” You snuck a peek at him, lifting your gaze slowly and only caught a glimpse of his soft lips as he smiled before walking over to his desk. 

You felt your heart pounding in your chest as you walked up the steps to your usual spot in the middle row, near the aisle. Your legs felt like they were going to give out any minute, and the man hadn’t even touched you––well not in the way you wanted him to, anyway. But enough of that. 

You checked your phone again, trying to calm down your heartbeat as you took in a deep breath, 1:28. People started shuffling into the class, the overlapping sounds of chatter and laughter rupturing the energy the room had when it was just the two of you. At 1:32 Professor Holland started the class, getting everyone’s attention smoother than anyone should be able to. You could almost feel everyone’s eyes focusing on him, some weren’t even listening to him, they were just so entranced by how good he looked and the way he sounded––his accent was just so endearing, you had to admit it. 

The hour and a half went by rather quickly but today you were more aware of yourself, of Professor Holland––even more than usual. It seemed as though his eyes would travel to your direction more often, after he made jokes as if to see your reaction, or while he paused in his speeches. 

At the end of the class, despite there being dozens of other students moving around you, you felt as though your professor was watching you as you made your way out of the room. But it had to be your imagination, there was just no way. 

When you got back to your dorm, Liz still wasn’t back yet so you decided to take a shower and spend some time relaxing. You had already done your work for the next day and your other work for the rest of the week––well, you decided you’d do it later. 

You changed into sweats after your shower and hopped on your bed, deciding to switch between your apps for an hour or so––honestly you’d lost track of time. Liz strolled in soon after, closing the door with a loud groan, throwing her bag on the floor.

You smiled, looking up at her from your lying position on the bed. “Hello to you too.”

She grumbled in response, finally looking at you. When she noticed you were already wearing your pajamas she pointed to you, her brows raised. “Good idea!” She immediately went to her drawers and picked out a random pair of sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, changing with lightning speed for someone who was sluggishly groaning not even a minute before. 

She grabbed her phone and sat on her bed opposite yours, cross-legged, facing you. She looked at your face for a few seconds before squinting her eyes at you. “You have something to say. Spill.”

You rolled your eyes, a smile on your face. 

She looked at you pointedly, “Well go on.” 

So you told her about your encounter with the infamous brit today, how you bumped into him, what he said to you, the glances he sent your way. When you finished recounting everything you took a deep breath, “But––this could all just be in my head you know, just me overreacting.”

She stared at you with a dead expression. “Are you fucking dumb?”

“Hey!”

She ignored you, rolling her eyes while she tried not to laugh. “Dude he totally wants to fuck you.” She said nonchalantly.

Your eyes bulged, “W–What do you––What?” 

“Oh please, it’s so obvious.”

You opened your mouth but when nothing came out, you paused and looked down at the carpet. After a few moments you looked back up at her to find her with a knowing smirk on her face. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, when am I not?” When you were about to speak, she interrupted you. “Don’t answer that. But look, it seems like he’s into you. I think you should hit that.”

“But we––that’s not allowed!” You paused, “Is it?”

She laughed, “A ha! So you do want to!”

“Oh shut up, you already knew that. Everyone wants to, it’s not a big deal.”

She made a face, “Yes, but you’re the only one who actually has a chance at getting it.” 

You looked at her, a skeptical look on your face. “Even if that was true––he’s still my professor…”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah but it’s not like it’s in the handbook or anything. Plus, you’re both legal adults, so. There you have it. You’re free to bone.”

“You did not just say that.”

“But I did.” She smiled, lying down in her bed. “You really could, though. Just don’t tell anybody.” When you didn’t say anything else, she spoke up. “Okay I’m gonna take a nap now. You have a lot to think about.” 

You ignored the last part and went back to your phone, “Yeah you do that.” 

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and night you couldn’t stop thinking about this whole situation. This was bad...Or was it? It seemed all too complicated, that was for sure. You weren’t even sure he looked at you or thought of you that way. 

You fell asleep playing all the pros and cons of hypothetically getting with him, your mind an endless loop of your professor, his voice, how he sounded when he practically whispered that he liked being your teacher. This was all too much.

❊❊❊❊

All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. The tongue, teeth and lips following and leaving marks everywhere the hands traced. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. Your eyes locked in on the ones staring up at you with pure hunger and awe as you ground yourself down on his cock.

“That’s it darling, just like that. You’re doing so good for me.” His lips curved into that oh so familiar smirk. “I taught you well, didn’t I?”

You woke up sweaty, your shirt sticking to your torso, a wet patch on your panties, your nipples pebbled in the cool air of your dorm room. A sex dream. Of course you had a fucking sex dream about him. Fuck. You were just lucky that your next class with him was on Thursday so you didn’t have to see him today. Because that would not help you at all. 

You checked the time on your phone, squinting at the brightness before turning it all the way down, 10am. You got out of bed with a groan and took your toiletries bag and your towel to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower this morning, instead of later on at night. Lord knows you certainly needed one. A cold one too.

You were frustrated, frustrated with yourself for feeling this way about your professor––sure, he was only a few years older than you, but it was the principle of the matter––frustrated that you were overthinking this entire thing, and most importantly you were annoyed because you were extremely horny. 

When you got into the bathroom, you locked the door and set your stuff down. You put your hands on both sides of the sink and looked at yourself in the mirror. Who are we and what happened? You sighed and grabbed your toothbrush, brushing your teeth quickly and aggressively, since everything seemed to be a hassle this morning. You’d hoped that once you hopped in the shower, you’d calm down. 

When you made your way inside, you sighed contently at the feeling of the warm water pattering against your skin, freshening you up immediately. Your nipples were still hard, between your legs still wet. So you brought a hand down between your thighs, the other to your breast as you stood under the water––almost as though the water was washing away the sinful act and thoughts right at the source. You laughed at the thought, nope, nothing can wash this away. 

You squeezed your breast and tugged at your nipple, rubbing your sensitive bud just the way you liked. You were still sensitive from...your dream, so it didn’t take long for everything to build up. You couldn’t help yourself, your mind brought back the remnants of last night that you remembered, the way his hands gripped you when he steadied you, the way his arms looked, and you came with a whimper that was louder than you would have liked. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and resting your head back on the tiles as the water continued to fall on you. 

When you came back to your dorm, Liz was on her way out but she stopped, raising her brows at you, “So have you come to a conclusion?”

You walked past her into the dorm, “Go to class, Liz.” You heard her cackle down the hallway as you closed the door. 

You got dressed casually, not rushing since there was nowhere for you to go and decided to go to the local cafe near the school. You needed to clear your head and get some work done, and you definitely would not get any of it done in your dorm. Not today, anyway. 

You checked the weather and seeing that it was a little warmer today, you put a sweatshirt on, grabbed your bag along with your phone and your laptop and you were on your way. The breeze felt refreshing this morning as you stepped out of your dorm. Your walk to the cafe was only ten or so minutes but it felt good. 

Stepping into the little shop, you were immediately hit by the aroma of coffee and sweets, surrounded by the sound of light chatter and utensils clattering on the wooden tables. The warm light above you brought a sense of comfort as you made your way over to the counter. The line was rather short so you managed to order your usual drink and snack quickly. As you were waiting for the cashier to hand you your things, your eyes scanned the shop––the ambience was rather nice and the talking almost felt like background noises. You wouldn’t mind staying here to work.

As you gathered your things, you turned around in search of a free table––which would be the deciding factor in whether or not you would stay, you did not want to awkwardly share the small table space with some stranger. You took a few steps into the seating area and almost choked on your breath when you made eye contact with the last person you wanted to see today. 

He smiled charmingly at you, teeth and all and quickly made his way over before you even had a chance to think of escaping. “Y/N!” He stood in front of you, his eyes bright. He was actually happy to see you? He was always happy to see everyone, it didn’t mean anything. 

His voice snapped you out of your annoyingly loud thoughts.  “Fancy seeing you here.” He nudged you playfully, “How are you?” He was wearing a very tight white button up that was unbuttoned until the third, showing a generous amount of his chest, a grey suit and pants, along with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. It took you a few more seconds than it should have to process that there were actual words coming out of his mouth.  

You forced a smile onto your face but the more you looked into his eyes, the more genuine it became, almost impossible to wipe off. “I’m good. Was just grabbing breakfast before I start my work. You?”

He raised his cup, “Same as you. Have a bit of time before my next class.” 

You noticed that you couldn’t tell what exactly was in the cup and your curiosity got the better of you. You pointed to the cup clasped in his fingers, “Is that coffee?”

He furrowed his brows in mock offense, “I only drink tea, darling.” He leaned his upper body forward to whisper to you, his cheek almost touching yours, “I’d think you would know that about your favorite professor.” He tutted playfully as he stood up straight again, watching you, a look that you couldn’t quite pinpoint in his eyes as he watched you over his cup, taking a teasingly long sip. 

You looked up at him, your mouth slightly open, not a clue what to respond. When he pulled the cup away from his mouth he looked down at you, his gaze drifting down and you’d never felt more exposed, despite the fact that you were wearing two layers of clothing. “I like your sweatshirt.” He smiled, glancing down at it before looking directly into your eyes, his head lowered slightly.

Your eyes widened in surprise and your head snapped down to see your spiderman sweatshirt looking back at you boldly. Oh––Oh. You lifted your head back up to find him still smiling at you softly, he didn’t seem to be teasing you at all. “Um thanks.” You could feel your cheeks heating up, despite the cool air that swept your legs as someone opened the door to the cafe. “Are you uh–– a marvel fan?” 

He pursed his lips playfully, “Yeah,” his hand came up to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah you could say that.” He licked his lips and took another sip of his drink.

Your eyes, with a mind of their own, trailed down the column of his throat, following the vein on the side of his neck, the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed the warm liquid. The action almost seemed provocative, in both meanings of the term. 

Suddenly you felt very hot and you knew that you had to get out of there before you made a fool of yourself in front of everyone, but most importantly him. You perked up, “I uh––I have to go professor, but it was nice talking with you. See you tomorrow!” With that you quite literally ran off, wincing as you turned around, having noticed the way his lips parted as if to speak, a furrow between his brows appearing out of confusion and concern. You really had to get control of yourself. 

You practically berated yourself as you speed walked away. God, that was so stupid. And not to mention, incredibly rude! He’d probably be upset with you now, or maybe even mad. It’s just––unbelievable what he did to you, without even actually doing anything. It took you the entire walk there to realize that you unconsciously made your way back to your dorm––so much for the library. But you’d had enough social interaction for today, so you decided you’d stay there.

You got in your bed and buried yourself under the covers, deciding you needed the comfort of being hidden in your mattress after the embarrassment you’d just experienced. You lied there just staring at the plain, white ceiling for way too long until you let out a loud huff and sat up, before grabbing your computer to start your work. 

Deciding to check your college email before you started, since they were incessant and it was easy to miss something, you scanned down the list of messages in your inbox. Your eyes skimmed through the boxes on the left of your screen, notifications that your professors left feedback on your assignments, the weekly newsletter, club events, a message from Holland, Tom––

You shut your computer immediately, eyes bulging as you held your breath. You swallowed thickly, as you stared into nothing in front of you, your eyes barely taking in anything, your mind a big ball of fuzz. 

After taking a few deep breaths, and telling your overdramatic brain to calm down, you opened the laptop again. Biting your lip, you hovered your mouse over the message, reading over the small bits of information you could see in the preview.

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, I just wanted to make  …

You could feel your heart beating through your chest. Oh God––Wanted to make sure what?? The sensible part of your brain said to just open it to figure it out for yourself. But the irrational, idiotic part of your brain was yelling at you to not open it under any circumstance. What if he wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea? Did he know how you felt about him? Were you that obvious? Maybe he thinks you’re clinically insane and wants to make sure you’re getting the attention you need? You did run off like a crazy person, after all. 

You shut your eyes tight and groaned loudly into your hands. Liz walked in and whistled lowly, taking in everything in front of her. You looked up, confused and looked at the time, realizing it had already been two hours since you first left the dorm, meaning she was done with her classes for the day.

“What’s up?” She took a seat at her desk, propping her legs on the table as she leaned back.

You waved her off, deciding it would be best to let this blow over and ignore it for now. You’d go back when you were in the right state of mind. 

She started telling you about her day and annoyingly, your brain decided today would be the day that it would not shut off. Your brows were furrowed as you tried your best to focus on what your friend was saying, but she wasn’t even looking in your direction, staring up into the air above her as she spoke animated, hands waving around, so she didn’t even notice you struggling to pay attention. 

Your eyes kept flitting back to the screen of your computer, your fingers swiping across the trackpad to turn it back on when the screen’s brightness lowered every now and then. 

Liz looked back at you and stopped her spiel. “Alright what’s up with you?” 

You sighed deeply and looked up at her. “Sorry, sorry. I just––I saw Professor Holland today––”

“Already?” She interrupted you, a goofy smile on her face. “Damn, you work fast.”

You threw the nearest pillow at her, “Shut up! I didn’t fuck him.”

“You should’ve.” She pointed out, holding the pillow to her chest. 

You glared at her until she raised her hands in surrender, then continued, your eyes bouncing from object to object in the room as you babbled. 

“I went to the cafe and I saw him and he came over to me and we started talking––and he whispered in my ear and he was joking around with me and he sipped his tea and he was super close to me and super hot, and I couldn’t handle it so I basically ran off without giving him a chance to say bye.” You took a deep breath, “And then he sent me an email after I saw him and I still haven’t opened it because I’m scared and I don’t know what he said…” You took another breath and looked at your friend, blinking as she just stared at you.

After a moment, she spoke up. “Dude just open the email.”

Your eyes widened almost in offense. “Did you not listen to anything I just said?”

“Yeah you practically fucked in the cafe then you got scared and ran away.” She spoke nonchalantly and you could tell she was fighting off a smile. “Look, eventually you have to open the email anyway, you can’t just ignore it. So just do it and rip the bandaid off.” You were about to speak up when she interrupted you, “I promise it won’t be half as bad as you think. We both know your mind is absolutely filled with the craziest ideas.” 

You huffed and fell back down on the bed, not bothering to argue since you both knew she was right. 

“Shit, I’m starving.” She looked at the time, “Yeah it’s about time for me to eat food.” She stood up, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Can you please get something for me?” She knew you well enough that you didn’t have to tell her what to get. You gave her your best smile and shrugged your shoulders.

“Are you serious.” She looked at you, deadpan, standing like the little emoji of the woman standing in place with her arms at her sides. 

You had to suppress your smile, “What if I see him?” You asked incredulously, lying further in the covers. “I’d rather stay in here and hide, for now.”

“You have class with him tomorrow––”

“That’s why I said for now.”

She cracked a smile, rolling her eyes as she grabbed her things, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Love you!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waved her hand and walked out the door. 

A few moments passed after Liz left and you sat up yet again, putting your computer on your lap as you swiped the trackpad, making the screen light up again. You checked the time, it had been almost an hour since he sent the email, you really shouldn’t make him wait any longer. Not that he’s waiting at all, he probably didn’t even notice that you hadn’t responded.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, swallowed your nerves and clicked on the email. 

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, 

I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You seemed kind of stressed when you left earlier and I’m hoping it wasn’t because of anything I did. Can we check in tomorrow in my office? Hope everything is going well. 

Warmest Regards,

Professor Holland

He wanted to meet tomorrow after class. In his office. Alone. 

Oh, fuck. You could hear Liz in your head going Yes, fuck. But you quickly shoved her aside. 

You read over the email about five times to make sure you weren’t misinterpreting anything, because that would be even more embarrassing. You clicked the reply button and slowly wrote out your response.

Hi Professor Holland,

Everything is fine, but thank you for asking, I appreciate the concern. I’m free tomorrow after class if you’re available then.

Thank you!

Y/N

You hit send and not even two minutes later, you received a response. 

Hi Y/N,

Perfect! I’ll see you then :)

Warmly,

Professor Holland

How on earth were you supposed to focus on your work now? More importantly, how were you going to focus in class tomorrow?

❊❊❊❊

The next day, the butterflies in your stomach would not calm down. When you stepped into the class, he was talking to another student and you tried to sneak past to your seat unnoticed. You thought you’d succeeded but once you sat down and looked up, you made direct eye contact with him and you swear you stopped breathing. You barely even recognized the sound of everyone moving around you, getting ready for class to start. 

He parted his lips and reluctantly turned back to the student still talking to him, snapping out of his daze, but not after glancing back at you. You swallowed and sank down in your seat. This was going to be a long class. 

At 1:35, class started. Professor Holland stood up and clasped his hands, making his way to the middle of the floor in front of everybody, his voice reverberating through the room. 

“Good afternoon everybody. Hope you’re all doing well.” His eyes found yours and you bit your lip nervously. You could see him swallow as he watched you, before moving his gaze elsewhere. Was that because of you? Surely, it had to be a coincidence. Maybe you made him uncomfortable. Oh great––

He went on, seemingly unfazed, eyes darting back to you subtly before continuing. The discussion soon turned to the book you’d just been assigned to read. The book was rather lengthy but there were always so many things to talk about within only a few pages––which you loved, so it was taking you all a while to go through everything together in class. 

The conversations often took up a lot of the class time since Professor Holland simply loved talking and he always found everyone’s interpretations interesting and worth exploring––eager to hear our classmates perspectives. He also often said that he was not good at using technology, so he preferred to just talk and show rather than use his computer. Honestly, you found it endearing.

The conversations were always interesting to listen to, people never failed to give you insight on things you hadn’t even thought of before, but sometimes––some people were just a little stupid.

Someone brought up a slightly sexist point that made absolutely no sense but since you weren’t the one to call someone out in front of a room full of people, you stuck to your facial reactions instead of audibly responding. You turned back to the front of the class to see Professor Holland’s opinion to find that he was watching you, trying and failing to suppress his smile. 

He put both hands in his pockets which you found ironic considering they would jump out any time soon––he loved to talk with his hands. His eyes got serious, the smile on his face a little less friendly as he addressed the sophomore who made the comment. “I don’t know if you’re aware of how ludicrously sexist that comment you just made was, but now you know.” He turned to the rest of the class. “Remember to think before you speak. This isn’t to necessarily call anyone out. It’s a warning. Senseless remarks will not only affect my view of you, but your grades as well.” 

He went on and tried to shape the boy’s comment into something appropriate to discuss and you honestly couldn’t focus on anything else he said, you were just looking at him in awe and in shock. Sure, this was the bare minimum, but since it was so rare to see, it was very noticeable and even impressive when you noticed it.

God, you adored this man.

Near the end of class, he announced the next assignment, a paper you’d have to write about a comparison you made between any point in the story, a character, a theme, a hidden meaning, etc. and something in our modern reality, a social norm, a popular belief, etc. Your essays were always very open ended in this class, giving you room to write about almost anything you wanted to. Your professor knew that the assignments would be more enjoyable if there was some choice involved. He truly was good at his job. 

“Look, reading’s hard sometimes, I get it. I’m dyslexic, so trust me, I understand. But I never let that stop me.” He paused to look around the room and it was so silent you could hear each other’s inhales and exhales. The power he had over a room full of around one hundred people was insane, and in a weird way, also turned you on. “I know the book is massive. Listen to the audio books if you have to, I don’t mind. But get the work done either way. It’s not for me, it’s for you. I want you to get the best grade you can in this class.”

“Bring me interesting material. I don’t want to fall asleep reading your work.” He joked and smiled proudly when laughter filled the room. “The essay is due in two weeks. Good luck.”

There were a few thank you’s and goodbyes scattered around the room as he sent everyone off, people scurrying from all sides to the exits. 

You took your time gathering all your things and took a deep breath when the last few people made their way out, silence soon surrounding the both of you. You put your bag over your shoulder and walked down the carpeted steps, suddenly finding the dark grey pattern to be the most interesting things you’ve ever seen––and also watching your steps so that you don’t fall down them in front of him. You could barely hear the soft patter of your shoes as you walked down. When you finally got the main floor you looked up and saw him waiting for you patiently, things in his hands, a smile on his face. 

“Let’s go then, shall we?” You nodded shyly and he led the way, his office only a hallway away from the lecture hall. You found it slightly odd that he didn’t try to make conversation on your way there, since he always loved to. But you tried not to think too hard about it. Maybe he was just tired. 

When you reached his office, he opened the door and let you walk in first. Your eyes immediately scanned the room out of curiosity as you stepped inside, noticing his desk, the wood a dark mahogany which was covered with stacks of papers, picture frames, pens, and a few marvel funko pops––so he really was a fan. You’d never actually been inside of his office before. It was an intimidating thought for you to be in his office with him, alone. You just didn’t want to embarrass yourself. 

You turned to him and gestured to the chair across from his desk, “Do I just––”

“Please,” he interrupted eagerly. “Make yourself comfortable.” 

You took a seat and he set his things down next to his desk before sitting as well. His hair was coiffed to perfection today, curls sculpted nicely, a dark blue suit on his body with a black shirt underneath. He took off the suit jacket and put it on the back of his chair and you could see his veins and muscles bulging and shifting in his arms as he moved. He clasped his hands in front of him on the desk and wow he had nice fingers. You really had to get a grip on yourself––

“How was class today for you? Well, besides that one disappointing comment.”

You smiled, “I always enjoy the class, but yeah that was uh, disappointing as you said.

“I think your interpretations are always very insightful and very interesting. It’s almost a shame that you don’t share them with the whole class but part of me likes it that we keep them between us.” Oh? “Plus, I know how scary it can be talking in front of all those people. I almost shit myself first time I taught that class––”

You let out a surprised laughter and he couldn’t help laugh as well. 

“Shit, sorry! I mean––” He sighed, “Language, sorry. I’m British.” He shrugged, “Can’t help it.”

You shook your head, “It’s okay. Personally I think curse words spice up conversations.” You smiled proudly when he laughed at your joke. 

His smile radiated a more nervous energy after his laughter died off. “When you ran off yesterday, that wasn’t––was that because of me? Because if I did something to make you uncomfortable I’m so sorry.”

You tilted your head, trying to think of a way to explain. “No it wasn’t, well––it kind of was?” You had no idea why you would tell him this, but apparently your mouth was moving without agreeing with your mind first. 

There was almost a pout on his face and you had the sudden urge to reach over the table and smooth it out with your lips. “It’s just, well––You make me just a little bit nervous, to be honest professor.” You looked down at your lap and back up at him timidly.

He raised his brows, “Oh––”

Your smile was strained and you wanted nothing more than to be swallowed whole by the floor. 

“Well that’s not a bad thing, is it?” He looked at you almost, hopefully?

You laughed, “No trust me, it’s not.” Your eyes widened at the realization of what you’d basically just admitted to him and you didn’t know if you should feel embarrassed or relieved when the smirk appeared on his face.

But the words that he uttered next cleared that up for you. “Well, if I’m honest, you make me nervous too, darling. And definitely not in a bad way.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, almost teasing you with how good he looked.

You licked your lips, your mouth suddenly feeling dry, crossing your legs, your thighs squeezing together, and he definitely noticed, his eyes trailing down your body as he licked his lips as well. 

The tension in the room was so thick but you found that you didn’t want to escape it, if anything you wanted to carve your way through it, stay for as long as you could until it snapped. 

Your professor spread his legs, his hands coming down to rub at his thighs as he watched you and the sound of your heartbeat pounding filled your ears. It was almost as if there was an unseen force pulling the two of you together, but before it could there was a knock at the door. 

The both of your heads snapped to the door to find it opening slowly. Jacob, Tom’s teaching assistant popped his head in. You had talked to him a few times, he was always very nice. He didn’t attend every class, but you guessed that he would be attending the next one. “Hey man.” He turned to you and smiled, “Oh hi Y/N.” You waved and let out a small hi in response. He turned back to the professor. “Your next class is starting like––” He looked at his watch. “Now.” 

“Shit, sorry man. Lost track of time.” He got up and you did too, smiling sheepishly as you grabbed your things, getting up from your seat. “I’ll be right there.” Jacob nodded and closed the door.

You both made your way over to the exit slowly, still reeling from what maybe could have happened and what you both obviously thought of. The silence was loud around you, but it wasn’t scary this time. 

“Let me know if you need any help with the upcoming assignment, alright? Don’t be afraid to stop by if you need to.” His gaze dropped down to your lips for a split second before reaching your eyes again. “For anything.” He looked at you with an expression you couldn’t describe but quickly tried to mask it with a smile as he opened the door for you, his eyes practically holding yours captive. 

“Thank you, professor. I will.” 

You stepped out and he watched you for a few moments before closing the door. You looked back, smiling as you caught his eye and as soon as he stepped back in the office, you practically ran out of the building and to your dorm, a stupid grin on your face. 

“Holy shit.”

❊❊❊❊

When you practically burst into your dorm room, scaring Liz half to death before you told her what happened, let’s just say she wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“I fucking told you!” She flopped onto her bed, still staring at you pointedly as she did so, a smirk on her face. She pointed at you before dropping her hand down dramatically by her side. “You like, owe me a soda now or something.” 

You rolled your eyes but you were so giddy the smile still hadn’t dropped from your face. “Well I do owe you for getting me lunch yesterday, so maybe I will buy you one.”

❊❊❊❊

Over the weekend, you started working on the essay for British Literature and you were already about halfway done since the topic you chose actually interested you. But you found yourself questioning if you were writing it properly as you went on. You weren’t sure if it was because you wanted it to be near perfect since you’d found out he paid extra attention to you, or maybe you just wanted to talk to him again––you’d never know. 

After discussing with Liz, you decided you’d stop by his office on Monday afternoon once you were done with your classes. You knew he liked to stay in his office until late at night sometimes, he always said we could stop by whenever, if we needed something. So you decided to take advantage of that, shoving down your anxious thoughts and doing what you wanted. 

Liz may or may not have convinced you to wear a shirt that was––aesthetically pleasing, to put it, specifically in the chest area so you were more than eager to see your professor’s reaction. You were a little nervous, you didn’t want it to seem like you were trying too hard, but you thought you looked good in this shirt, and you had a right to feel good about yourself. Since it was a little chilly outside, you hid it under a sweatshirt for now.

You got to his office and found yourself staring at the dark wood, hesitating to knock on. After taking a deep breath you rapped your knuckles against the door. 

You heard a faint Come in! And you took a deep breath and opened the door slowly to find him sitting at his desk, “Hi Professor Holland.” He was finishing some notes on a student’s essay but his head snapped up immediately at the sound of your voice.

He dropped his pen and sat up, “Please,” he motioned to the seat across from his desk and you smiled gratefully before settling down. “What can I do for you? Everything alright?”

His eyes looked sincere and concerned and you could feel your insides melting a little bit. 

“I just––I really want to do well on this essay,” He nodded for you to continue, “But I’m just not sure if I’m going in the right direction.”

 He nodded understandingly, “Well let’s have a look, shall we?”

You reached down to grab your things when he stood up and walked past you, your eyes following him in confusion. He gestured to the couch, a somewhat impish smile on his face. “Just thought it would be more comfortable––and easier for us to look together, of course.”

You nodded, a small smile on your face as you picked up your bag and sat next to him on the couch. “Right, of course.” It was a loveseat so there wasn’t much room for either of you to distance yourselves.

You got out your computer and opened up the essay. You had already opened it before you got there, not wanting to have to awkwardly wait for it to load. Yes, you overthought things but––it helped sometimes. “I see you came prepared,” he joked and you couldn’t help but smile. He really did notice everything, didn’t he.

“Well I’m really confident about the topic of my essay, I think it’s interesting. But I feel like I may be adding too much into the paper, and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things or if I should take some things out.” 

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I meant it when I said I appreciate having you in my class, you know. I always love reading your work. You write well.” 

“Thank you, professor.” Though you saw his eyes darken at the title, he commented on it.

“You can call me Tom when we’re alone, darling. No need for formalities.”

“But I like calling you professor––” Your hand shot up to cover your mouth and you spoke before he could, ignoring his smile, “I mean um. Tom––Okay I can try that.”

His tongue passed under his teeth, a devilish smirk on his face as he watched you squirm under his gaze. “No you know, now I think professor is growing on me.”

You pursed your lips, rolling your eyes. “Prof––Tom.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “Alright alright.” 

“Why don’t you read it to me? It’s easier to see where you can improve when you hear it out loud.”

You swallowed nervously, nodding your head as you brought your laptop closer to you. “O––Okay.”

You started reading your paper out loud, voice becoming slightly steadier as you went on, two fingers scrolling up the trackpad. He made comments as you read, only praise––and with each compliment you felt yourself getting hotter. Very good. Always write so well. Nice point there. Mhm. Good girl, that’s an excellent point. He shifted his way closer to you gradually as you read on and when his thigh touched yours, you had to tell yourself not to jump from the contact.  

He placed his arm on the back of the couch, basically around your shoulder and you had to smush down the urge to throw your computer and climb into his lap. His thighs did look very inviting with the way he was sitting, though. 

He moved closer to you and you could feel his breath cascading down over your shoulder as he brought his hand to the trackpad, his arm over your thigh, fingers scrolling through to where he had a few suggestions. 

When he finished his few remarks, you could hear the proud smile in his voice. “See, I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought. You’re a good writer...” He paused and you turned your head slightly to find his lips mere inches from yours, his eyes trained on your mouth. His words were barely a whisper when he spoke up again, “A good student.” You both leaned in slowly and his hand came up to hold your cheek lightly. “Bet you’d be a good girl for me too.” 

You gasped lightly and leaned forward, giving in and finally pressing your lips to his, both your hands grabbing his jaw. He moaned immediately, his body pressing into yours as you twisted to face him, his other hand coming around your waist to pull you in. You felt your laptop slipping off your thighs and squeaked, making the both of you laugh and pull away, flustered. 

“Careful, love.” Tom grabbed the computer and put it down on the floor gently, confirming that you saved your work before pushing the lid closed. 

The air in the room was hot, thanks to Tom in general, but also thanks to what you just did. So you pulled away and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Tom’s pout when he thought you were getting up to leave. Since there wasn’t much space on the couch, you stood up to take your hoodie off and you heard his breath hitch when his eyes fell upon the shirt you were wearing. “Christ-”

“Now what’s this?” Tom said almost to himself, his eyes staring at you in wonder and awe. “Never seen this little number before.” He noticed the clothes you wore? His hands were already aching to feel you again, reaching out for you subconsciously and you bit your lip to calm your smile as you sat back down, letting your sweater fall to the floor softly. 

“What, this old thing?” You joked, looking down at the shirt––yeah, you looked good. “You like it?” You looked up at him, a cheekily innocent look in your eyes.

He put his hands around your waist and pulled you into his lap, enjoying the gasp it elicited from you. You put your hands gingerly on his shoulders and the way he was looking up at you made you never want to leave this position ever again. You tilted your head and licked your lips and Tom couldn’t take it anymore, he kissed you again, hands gripping you firmly, anchoring you to him. He pulled away after a good while, wanting to look at you again, his lips parted, practically panting like an animal. You really had an effect on him, but he did the same to you. 

His eyes were taking you in, basically capturing a mental image for later. “God, you look heavenly, darling.” You squirmed in his lap and bit your lip when you felt a bulge growing underneath you. He leaned forward and left a trail of kisses on the tops of your breasts, leaving a few teasing nips and sucks here and there. You squealed, your hands coming up to run your fingers through his hair. You pulled his head up by his hair and the look in his eyes looked absolutely feral––like he wanted to eat you. 

You were about to lean in and kiss him again when a knock at the door surprised the both of you. You both jumped off of the couch as Tom threw out excuses. “Yeah just a second!” You straightened out your shirt as Tom did the same to his pants and you picked up your things. 

When he saw that you were settled, he took a deep breath and answered the door. His colleague and best friend Professor Osterfield, was standing there, a grin on his face. “You div, are you ever going to be on time for our monthly meetings?––” He stood up straight when he noticed you standing behind Tom. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.” He looked between the two of you and it seemed as though he pieced everything together. Maybe Tom had told him about you? If he did, you wouldn’t be worried Tom didn’t seem like the type to tell unreliable people his business––and they were best friends after all.

You smiled at him in acknowledgement as moved aside to let you pass. “Sorry,” you looked between the both of them, “I’ll let you get to whatever you have to go to.” You looked at Tom once you were out of his office, “Thank you for the feedback, professor.”

You could see him fighting off his smirk before he replied, “Of course.” His stare was impenetrable as he looked at you, “Feel free to come by whenever.” You could see the hidden meaning in his words and let the hint of a smile show, before nodding and walking off.

Harrison looked at him, a pitiful smile on his face. “I hope you know what you’re doing, mate. You should be careful, for the both of you.”

Tom sighed, not wanting to have this conversation. “I know, man. Let’s go.” 

❊❊❊❊

You found yourself missing Tom as soon as you left. God, this was kind of pathetic. But at least your feelings weren’t necessarily one sided––he did say you made him nervous too after all. You doubt he’d say that if he just wanted to fuck you––he was better than most men. And sure you might be a little biased, but at the end of the day he had a good heart and he was educated. So bonus. 

When you stepped into your dorm, your roommate was sitting on her bed, snacks in hand as she looked at you expectantly. “Now these,” she gestured to the food on her bed, “are either for a story time, to rebuild your energy or both.” 

You laughed and changed into your pajamas, starting to tell your best friend about everything that just happened. She often interrupted with her reactions and comments.

Oh. My. God.

Shut. Up.

You’re fucking lying! 

“But we didn’t fuck.”

“Boo––”

“Yes, boo.” You laughed, “Professor Osterfield knocked at the door and dragged him off to a meeting so.” You shrugged.

“Professor Osterfield...is that the hot blond one?” You nodded and she continued expressing her feelings for the man. “I’d let him teach me a few things––”

“Literally bye.”

She laughed, “What? Come on have you seen him––”

“I’m a little preoccupied with another professor to be honest.”

She nodded, handing you a bag of chips as you settled in your bed. “True. And oh how lucky you are.” You smiled in agreement. 

❊❊❊❊

Today was the day the essay was due and though you normally handed it in at the beginning of class, for once, you didn’t and you could feel Tom’s gaze following you as you walked up the steps to your seat without so much as a glance in his direction. You’d stopped by his office a few times over the past two weeks since Harrison interrupted you, but you never did anything more than kissing and grinding. You were both too scared of getting caught, but that doesn’t mean you hadn’t thought about doing more in there.  

Tom liked to have physical copies of the essays, just in case technology decides it’s against him (his words), so everyone had until 8pm tonight to drop it off by his office. You were definitely going to use that to your advantage. 

You didn’t wear anything provocative to class, you didn’t really want that kind of attention today, plus you knew that Tom’s interest in you wasn’t solely based on your appearance. So you put the revealing items on under your clothing. And honestly, the thought that no one knew what you were wearing underneath it all only excited you even further. 

You crossed your legs, relieving your tension and biting your lip as class went on, enjoying how flustered Tom would be every time he looked at you. You felt so submissive when you were alone with him, but when you were in public like this? Free to tease him subtly from a distance? That’s where you had all the power. 

You had him blushing and stuttering throughout the whole class, though it wouldn’t have been easy for everyone else to notice, for you it was so obvious. He kept rubbing his hands together, pacing around as his eyes darted to you every few minutes. At one point he went over to sit down at his desk, which he rarely did while teaching––and you were fairly certain it was to hide a bulge in his pants. All thanks to you. 

In the middle of the class, you felt your phone vibrate in your bag and pulled it out just to see if it was an emergency. You were pleasantly surprised and could feel your whole body react when you noticed who the message was from.

Tom: Having fun, are you?

Your eyes shot up to the front of the room and you bit your lip to contain your smile when you noticed him glaring at you.

Y/N: I always have fun in this class, professor ;)

You put your phone away afterwards and focused on the class, knowing it was killing Tom that you weren’t giving him more attention. Your heart was racing and your panties had a wet patch by the time class was over. You had a feeling he was going to try to keep you after class, so you hurried up and gathered your things, sighing in relief when a few students went up to his desk to talk to him. 

You smirked to yourself and headed straight for the door, your head high on your shoulders. But just as you were about two feet from the exit, Tom spoke up. 

“I assume I’ll be seeing you later, Miss Y/L/N?”

You turned around, eyes slightly widening as you noticed him, the group of students near him.

He smirked slyly, “To turn in your paper, remember?” His eyes were giving you a knowing look.

You swallowed, nodding as you smiled at him innocently. “Of course, professor.” You enjoyed the way his eyes darkened only slightly, only noticeable to you. “See you then.” With that you walked out.

❊❊❊❊

You practically skipped to his office at around 7:45, before knocking at the door, four knocks in a specific pattern––the code you’d made together. 

“Come in, darling!”

You walked in and quickly shut the door, a chuckle escaping you. “You know someone could hear you from the outside one day, right?”

He shrugged, “I’ll just blame it on my accent. Could call everyone darling, they don’t know any better.”

You laughed. “Okay well––Professor Holland,” you said, loving the way he looked at you when you uttered his title. “I brought this for you.” You took out the printed essay and placed it on his desk.

He pushed his chair out, his eyes following your every move as he spread his legs. “Oh is that right?” 

You took the invitation and took your reserved seat in his lap, linking your arms around his neck as you looked down at him. “Mhm, still want a good grade in this class you know. You are my favorite professor after all.”

He smirked smugly, licking his lips. “And you,” he kissed your lips before pulling away briefly, “Are my favorite girl.” He brought his hands up your back and pulled you into him as he kissed you again. This time, longer and deeper, wanting to feel you as much as possible. “Teased me so much in class today.” You smiled into the kiss and he continued, “Almost wanted to take you over my knee right there in front of everyone.” 

You moaned audibly and he brought his hand up to your neck, gripping you softly but firmly, giving you room to pull away if you didn’t approve. When you leaned further into his grip, he grinned and pulled you closer. You started grinding down on him, basking in the desperate groans and sighs you were coaxing out of him, the way his movements became more frantic as he bucked into you. 

After debating with yourself in your head for a moment––struggling to think properly with his hands all over you, you got off of his lap and smiled at the small whines of protest he let out before reaching for his belt. You made eye contact with him and noticed how wide his eyes were, hopeful, hungry, but hesitant. 

His hands reached for yours, “You don’t have to, darling. If anything I should be doing this first. God knows I’ve thought about it.”

You pouted, trying your best to ignore his words and focus on the task at hand. “But I want to,” you kissed his cheek, “I wanna make you feel good, professor.” He nodded, barely able to speak.

“Yeah? You wanna be a good girl for me?” 

You nodded eagerly, licking your lips as he pulled himself out of his trousers. “More than anything. Wanna make up for earlier.” You got down on your knees, mouth practically salivating at the way his member stood tall against his abdomen, his tip leaking with precum. 

Your hand wrapped around him just as a knock sounded at the door. Professor?

The both of your eyes widened, the both of you looking around for some sort of answer before he ushered you under the desk, tucking himself back in hastily, pulling his chair as much as he could and sitting at the edge, hiding his unbuttoned and unbuckled pants. Luckily for the both of you, the back of the desk reached the floor, so whoever it was wouldn’t be able to see you hiding underneath. “Uh––Come in!”

The person walked in and you recognized the sound of her voice, she often spoke up in the lectures. You couldn’t remember her name, though. You do, however, remember that she often spoke up only to get Tom’s attention. You’d heard her gush about him in the halls just outside his class in the hopes of him hearing her. You couldn’t blame her, but the thought still irked you. “I just wanted to give you my paper. I hope it’s not too late.” 

Tom checked the time on his watch, 7:58. “Nope,” he laughed breathlessly, trying to compose himself, “Not too late at all, in fact just in time.” 

She handed her paper to Tom and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, trying his best not to think about the fact that your hands were trailing up his thighs and that he could feel your warm breath hitting the exposed part of his member––he really hadn’t payed attention when he tucked himself back in. 

Before he could send the girl who’s name you still hadn’t remembered off, she took a seat across from him and he swallowed nervously, a little frustrated since he was so close to getting his cock in his girl’s mouth. 

It seemed that you somehow read his thoughts because as soon as the girl kept talking for another two minutes, you pulled his member out and stroked him, licking up his shaft and he tensed, taking every ounce of self control he had not to look down at you. His hand reached down and held your cheek gently, just wanting to feel you. You nuzzled into his palm and he had to bite his lip to suppress his smile, not wanting the student across from him to think his endearing expression was meant for her. 

You honestly completely tuned out all the words she was saying, your sole focus pleasuring Tom. But you didn’t miss the flirty and falsely innocent tone in her voice. You couldn’t see her but she was no doubt batting her eyelashes at him as well. 

When she made a comment about how good his shirt looked on him, you couldn’t help yourself, you sucked his tip into your mouth with no warning, making him groan unexpectedly. You paused, eyes wide and playful as your mouth stayed around him.

“Are you okay professor?” 

He let out a strained smile, “Yes, Emma, Sorry––” So her name was Emma. “I just uh banged my knee on the desk.”

She hummed a small okay and went on.

He caught your eye, trying his best to keep his expression neutral, but boy was it hard. Especially when you were looking up at him like that, with his cock in your mouth. You licked around his tip and lowered your mouth around him and he had to force himself to focus on the girl who was still talking to him.

You were not playing fair but quite frankly you didn’t care. You were making him feel good and yourself too. Your hand was pumping him, your tongue swirling around him as quietly as you could, while your other hand found its place between your thighs. 

In the middle of Emma’s speech, Tom’s eyes drifted down and widened, his breath getting caught in his throat when he noticed your other hand, moving between your legs. He stuttered out an excuse, unable to tear his eyes away from you for a moment, “Uh, Emma I’m so sorry––I just have so much work to do, but feel free to come back––” he paused to swallow when you sucked harder around him in reaction to his invitation. “Come back next week if you have any problems or anything else you’d like to discuss.”

She hesitantly but respectfully said goodbye and was on her way, closing the door behind her.

Tom’s hands immediately shot down to hold your head, his mouth dropped open as he watched you, approaching his high. “Shit, that’s it darling that’s it. So fucking good for me.”

“I’m gonna cum––” he warned. You simply hummed around him and sped up your movements, feeling yourself clench as he panted, his hips bucking slightly as he came into your mouth. You unfortunately weren’t able to cum but you were sure there’d be other chances. You popped off of him and swallowed his load before licking up his length teasingly slow. “Fuck, such a good girl.”

He pulled his chair out and brought you up to stand between his legs, tiling his head to look up at you, his hands rubbing up and down the backs of your thighs absentmindedly. “Was someone a little jealous?”

You shrugged, trying to act nonchalant but failing to fix your annoyed facial expression. “Maybe.”

He tucked himself back into his pants and stood up, chuckling as he squeezed your cheek. “I’m yours.” He pecked your lips, before looking in your eyes, “And I’m most definitely repaying the favor when we get home. I mean––if you want to, of course.” Home. 

You couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah––Okay.” 

You’d never been to Tom’s house before so this felt like sort of a big deal to you, but you were going to try and calm your racing thoughts and heart. You and Tom agreed that you would go around the corner of the building for him to pick you up in his car, not wanting to risk anyone seeing you.

As soon as you were settled in, seatbelt on, Tom drove off and honestly the thrill of having to hide was exciting to the both of you. His hand was gripping your thigh throughout the whole drive and you could tell it was meant as a reminder that he was there for you, but also that he could barely contain himself. 

Seeing Tom drive you, the flashing street lights illuminating his face, highlighting his jawline, his hand gripping your thigh––this was a sight you knew you wanted to see more. The intimacy of it all made you warm inside and the feeling of Tom’s fingertips digging into your skin only riled you up further.

You leaned over to kiss his cheek and he smiled at the feeling of your soft lips drifting over his skin. “Darling––” His words were cut off by a harsh moan when you trailed your lips down to his sweet spot, the noise almost too loud for the quiet, tense air in the car.

You teased, licked and bit at his skin, not afraid to leave marks. It was Friday now, if anyone saw them on Monday, they would just assume he’d had an eventful weekend. Honestly, the thought that no one would know that you were the one who left those marks excited you––it would be a secret between you and Tom, a thing for the two of you to share on your own.

Tom’s hands were now gripping the wheel and your thigh with force, trying to get his bearings. “You’re being very naughty today, love. Can’t say that I don’t love it though.”

You smiled sinfully into his neck, continuing your actions. Your hand slid over his thigh teasingly slow to rest on his bulge, fingers squeezing ever so softly and he practically jolted in his seat. “Christ––love unless you want me to crash this car I suggest you stop.”

You pulled away, satisfied with how much you’d riled him up. He almost whined at the loss of contact, subconsciously upset that you’d actually stopped. But as your hand reached back down to find its place between your thighs, his tone shifted. 

“Don’t you dare touch what’s mine. That’s my job.”

You actually felt a shiver pass through your body and you squeezed your thighs together at the sound of his dominant voice, excited for what was to come.

When you made it to his apartment, you barely had time to take in the scenery and take off your shoes and jackets before he dragged you to his room. But from what you saw, the decor was simple but elegant, much like Tom. His bedroom was the same, but again, you weren’t too focused on it.

He turned on the dim light in his room, wanting to be able to see you as he pleased you. He stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your waist, looking deep into your eyes. “You still want this?” 

You nodded absolutely certain. “Want you to take me.”

His pupils dilated and he pulled your shirt up and over your head, licking his lips, eyes widening when he noticed what you were wearing and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Christ, were you wearing this all day?” 

You nodded again. “The underwear’s matching too. Wanna see?”

He got down on his knees, a teasing but desperate tone to his voice. “You’re a smart girl, don’t ask stupid questions.” He unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down along with your socks, mouth dropping open as he got to see the full set. 

You ran your hands up and down your body teasingly as he stood up. “Do you like it?”

He shook his head, smiling in disbelief, “Again with the silly questions, love.” He leaned in to kiss you, pulling away to take off his clothes. “You look like a goddess, darling.” You could feel your skin heating up from his words and his stare. He pulled you in for another kiss before bringing you onto the bed.

You lied down in the middle and spread your legs, waiting for him eagerly as he lied down between them. “Can’t fucking wait to taste you, love.” 

He pulled your panties over to the side and licked into you, his tongue softly swiping through your folds. His eyes rolled back as he moaned into you, “Taste just as perfect as you look.” He slid his hands around your thighs and pulled you in closer, smiling at the small squeak you let out.

His tongue was exploring you, finding all the spots and all the tricks that made your toes curl and your breath hitch. He was keeping this all to memory, memorizing the way you feel, the way you look. When your breaths quickened and your fingers tugged at his curls, he locked his arm around your stomach, slid one, then two fingers inside of you and sped up his movements, moving his head from side to side as he hummed onto your clit. 

Your body tensed and you held onto him for dear life as the knot in your stomach gave out, the pleasure spreading all throughout your body. Your mouth dropped open in ecstasy, your neck craning back and Tom couldn’t look away from you. You looked like a painting and he wanted to commit it to memory. 

He let go of you and kissed his way up your body, soothing you with his lips. Your legs were still twitching slightly, your stomach clenching and unclenching when his kisses reached your cheek. “Look so pretty when you come for me.” He kissed along your jaw, “Can’t believe you’ve deprived me of such a beautiful sight for so long.” He kissed your lips and tugged your bottom one between his teeth, before looking at you, eyes wide, “You gonna give me the privilege of seeing it again?” 

You smiled, your hands coming up to hold his cheeks. “You can see it whenever you want. As long as you’re the one making it happen.” You pulled him to you and kissed him, the both of you moaning into the small gaps between your mouths. 

He started to pull away but you whined and pulled him back making him smile. “I’ve gotta get a condom, love.”

He tried to get up again but you pulled him back down, “M’on the pill Tommy.” You looked up at him, pouting and he almost gasped––the effect you had on him was insane. “Just fuck me please.”

He didn’t need anymore convincing, grabbing a hold of his cock and swiping it through your folds, groaning out loud at how good your wetness felt. You bucked your hips and realizing you were getting desperate, he finally slid into you and all your senses immediately tuned into him. 

Just like your dream––All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. 

His eyes were watching your face, taking you in as he thrusted into you, making sure you were enjoying everything he was giving you. You felt absolutely amazing and so did he. “So perfect for me, darling. That’s it.” He bit his lip and sped up, making your jaw drop as you stared into his eyes, completely open and vulnerable to him. His touch was tantalizing, even better than your fantasies which only meant you’d become more addicted to him and what he could do to you.

He grunted, angling his hips when he found your spot, hitting it over and over, bringing his hand down to play with your clit. “Told you I wanted to see you cum again, pretty girl. So you’re gonna cum then I’m gonna fill you up. That sound okay?”

You nodded eagerly, eyes watching his every move as your hands gripped his arms, your thighs burning invitingly as they stretched around him with every thrust. Then you uttered that one word that always had him almost inappropriately weak for you. “Want to be full of you, professor.”

His jaw slacked and he paused for a slight moment before picking up his pace, faster than before, hips chasing after both your highs, fingers still rubbing you just the way he learned, just the way you liked. “Fuck-–”

A few more thrusts and flicks of his wrist and you were tensing under him, your pussy clenching around him as he let out broken curses and moans, losing his rhythm and releasing into you with a groan. 

He rested some of his weight on you for a moment, the both of you smiling and laughing breathlessly as you took in the moment. Your hands came up to play with his curls and he sighed, leaning into your touch. He lowered his head into the crook of your neck and left a few soft kisses, coaxing some sighs from you as well.  

After a moment, he rolled over and took you with him, making you nuzzle further into him, his arm wrapped around you, your leg slung over his waist. His hand was rubbing up to your ass and down to your thigh, lulling you to sleep while simultaneously riling you up again. 

He kissed your forehead and you kissed his chest in response. “That was fucking amazing, love.”

You nodded and hummed in agreement, “Even better than my dreams.”

He pulled back to look at you, you could hear his heartbeat quicken and you tried to hide your face in his chest. “You had dreams about this too?”

That made you lift your head up to look at him. You could see in his eyes that he wasn’t joking but you were still slightly shocked. “Too?”

He smiled, licking his lips, “Well maybe we should discuss them, and try them out for ourselves.” His hand found its way between your legs again, making you moan but that didn’t stop you from responding.

You nodded, “For research purposes, of course.”

“Of course.” He grinned, “See, I knew I taught you well.” He leaned in to kiss you deeply, “My girl’s the perfect student.” 

You spent hours exploring each other's bodies as you reenacted your dreams, both exceeding each other's expectations every time. By the time you fell asleep in each other's arms, it was late at night and you were sweaty, and tired, but overwhelmingly pleased.

❊❊❊❊

The next Friday, it was halloween. Liz had somehow convinced you to go to a halloween party with her. On top of that it was a frat party. And even worse, you dressed up as a school girl because it was all last minute and you didn’t have any time to get a costume. 

“Oh come on Y/N, you look hot!”

You turned in the full length mirror to look at your ass that was almost visible in this mini skirt. “You think so?”

“Duh.”

And that’s all the convincing you needed to go out. You needed a little college fun. You hadn’t been to a party in who knows how long because you were always focusing on your work. You deserved this. Also Liz said it was a celebration of your “lay”, yes, she said lay. 

“I’m just saying you cannot let me get with him again.”

“Liz it’s literally his frat house that we’re going to and we both know you have little to no self control.”

“Well damn. You couldn’t have sugar coated it?”

“What, you want me to throw a packet of splenda on you?” You joked.

She shoved you, “Dude shut up,” she laughed.

You looked down at your bare thighs that were only partly covered by your thigh high socks and rubbed your arms, regretting not bringing a jacket when Liz spoke up again. “Oh shit, is that Professor Holland?”

Your eyes shot up and made direct eye contact with him. He was wearing a hoodie and some sweats but he still looked great as usual. His eyes trailed down your body and soon your shivers were no longer because of the cold. 

“I’ll just wait here.” Liz said suggestively and you walked over to Tom. 

“H–Hi.”

He put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to touch you, he didn’t know who was around. “Well hello to you too.” He looked into your eyes, a smirk on his face. You rubbed your arms quickly for warmth, and Tom had to control himself to not look at your chest, even though he could see your nipples hardening from the weather through your shirt. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms and take you home. 

“Any plans?” You asked.

“No, I'm just about to go home. I’m uh guessing you have somewhere to be?” His eyes traced your figure again.

“Yeah um me and Liz are going to a frat party.” You pointed back to your friend and gave him a small smile and shrug. “She convinced me.”

He wanted to kiss you so bad but he had to restrain himself.

“Be safe tonight, yeah?” His eyes were comforting, as they always were, but this felt almost more personal? Almost like he didn’t want you to go. And honestly, after seeing him, you almost didn’t want to either. You never defined your relationship with him, so honestly right now he was like a friend with benefits––professor with benefits, if you will. 

You nodded, licking your lips nervously. “O––Okay. I will. You be safe too!”

His eyes followed you as you walked off, your friend pulling you along, obviously whispering to you, probably about him. You looked so fucking good and everyone else was going to see that too. It’s not like he owned you or anything, but part of him really wished he could claim you, openly care for you and be affectionate. His thoughts were a mix of wholesome and raunchy and he had no idea how to act.

He almost felt wrong but he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his mind, the way you looked up at him sheepishly, the innocent look in your eyes while you were wearing that mini skirt. His cock was bulging in his boxers ever since he first laid eyes on you. When he got home, he made his way to his bed, undressing almost immediately. Lying down in the middle of the bed, just where you were days before brought a flood of memories into his mind, only making his member throb even more. He tugged at his cock, spitting in his hand to make it slick.

Images of you were flashing in his mind as he sped up his movements, desperate for a release. 

He was dying to get a taste of you again. The memory of the way you felt under his fingertips, the way your muscles clenched when he hit the right spots. The way you tasted when you were dripping onto his tongue. The way you looked at him when you came, your lips parted to release broken moans and whimpers. The way your fingers gripped his curls as your body tensed. It was all enough to make him spill over his hand, his breaths coming out in quick pants as his head dropped back onto the pillow.

“Fuck.” He really had it bad for you. 

❊❊❊❊

Tom had texted you during class on Tuesday to meet him in his office when you were done with classes for the day. When you stepped into the room, he locked the door immediately, bringing you over to his desk, his lips chasing yours. Screw worrying about people hearing you, he wanted you. Now. 

“God, just seeing you in that tight little costume––you have no idea how badly I wanted to ravish you. The thought of all those dumb frat boys seeing you in all your glory like that––I was absolutely beside myself.” So that’s what this was about. His hand came up to hold your cheek, his eyes fiercely staring into yours and you nuzzled into his touch, your hand holding his wrist softly and his eyes softened at the sight of you.

“I’m gonna absolutely devour you.” You gasped and he smiled, pulling your pants along with panties down. He sat you down on his desk and got down on his knees, licking his lips. “As soon as I got a taste of you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go without it ever again.” He kissed your thigh, looking up at you. “You gonna let me have a taste again? Wanna make you feel good, lovie.”

You nodded, swallowing roughly, “Y––Yeah. Yes please.”

He chuckled breathlessly, “Such a polite little thing you are.” He kissed his way from your inner thigh to your center before licking a torturously slow stripe from your hole to your clit. You let out a sigh and gripped the desk, your fingertips becoming lighter at how hard you were already holding it.

His hands held your thighs open, putting them over his shoulders, holding you in place. His tongue was languidly licking you up and down, savoring your taste and your moans, coaxing them out of you one by one, nonstop. He looked up at you and your breath got caught in your throat, the look in his eyes fierce, almost as if he could see your bare soul and he clearly liked what he saw. He brought his lips to close around your heat after every other swipe of his tongue, passionately kissing your heat. 

“So fucking good, angel. Always the best for me.”

You nodded, licking your lips, one of your hands coming to grab at his curls, making him growl into you. “Only for you, Tommy.”

He didn’t stop his tongue or his lips until you came, your back arching, fingers frantically grabbing for whatever you could hold, lip trapped between your teeth to muffle the moans that so desperately wanted to escape into the quiet air of the room. He kept going until you had to pull his head away from you, overwhelmed by all the pleasure and scared that you would scream and alert everyone in the building about what you were up to.

His hands were caressing your thighs, eyes looking at you in awe, almost too innocently for what you’d just done. He stood up between your legs and leaned in to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue and his lips. 

He pulled away to look at you, hands holding your hips as your legs wrapped around his waist. You brought your arms up to link around his neck, looking up at him appreciatively and absolutely spent. “So do you think I should wear school girl outfits more often?”

He laughed, his hands holding you tighter, “If you do, my head is never leaving between your thighs.”

You smiled cheekily, batting your lashes at him. “Promise?”

He’d never gotten down on his knees quicker in his life. Let’s just say it took you another hour before you left his office.

 ❊❊❊❊

Over the past few weeks it had become a routine for you to go over to Tom’s office to seemingly “work on your assignments and review,” so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to show up unannounced Friday afternoon. Without meaning to, though, it seemed you showed up a little too early, and ended up overhearing part of Tom and Harrison’s conversation. 

“I can tell Y/N means a lot to you, mate. Don’t lie.” Your heart dropped to your stomach as you skidded just in front of the door, about to turn the corner inside. You backed up and stayed pressed to the wall. Luckily no one really stopped by this side of the building at this time on a Friday, so no one would find you snooping around in the middle of the hallway. 

“No I just––”

No. He said no––Okay you weren’t going to freak out. This always happens in the movies, and then the main character runs away before hearing the most important part and they overreact. So you decided to just...wait it out. 

So you waited and waited. And the more the silence overwhelmed you, the louder it got. You could feel the tears starting to form in your eyes because you really thought your feelings were mutual. But just as you inched your foot backwards to walk away, he spoke up again, his voice quiet. 

“She means everything to me, man. I––It scares me, honestly. I just don’t want to mess it up.” 

This time the tears fully formed in your eyes, but for the absolute opposite reason. You smiled and wiped at your eyes, not even bothering to hide anymore as you turned the corner, surprising Tom, his eyes widening as he took in your appearance. Harrison turned around to see you and his gaze filled with concern as well. 

“Tom––” your voice was quiet but there was a smile on your face. 

“Darling––” He rushed over to you and grabbed your hands, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs to catch the few tears that escaped. “What’s wrong, are you alright?”

Your hands came up to hold his wrists as you looked into his eyes, “I heard you talking.” 

His face dropped in realization and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

Harrison cleared his throat and subtly made his way out, “You guys have some things to discuss.” He put a hand on your shoulder and you both smiled at each other appreciatively before he walked out, shutting the door behind him. 

Tom took your hands and brought you over to the couch. “I hope I didn’t scare you off, love.”

You shook your head immediately, even climbing in his lap to prove him wrong and he smiled gratefully. “No! It’s just that we never really talked, you know, about us.” He nodded and you took that as a sign to continue, enjoying the way his hands subconsciously slipped under your shirt to rub at your skin soothingly. “I like you Tom, obviously. But I like you a lot.” You linked your hands behind his neck. “I think I might be falling for you.”

His eyes started tearing up as well, as he smiled, “Yeah well, I think I’ve already fallen for you, darling.” 

You looked into his eyes and your smile brightened, “Okay maybe I lied––I’ve definitely already fallen for you as well.”

You both laughed lovingly, pulling each other in for a sweet kiss.“Look,” Tom started, licking his lips. “I don’t know what this means for our future, but all I know is I don’t plan on letting you go any time soon.” 

You kissed his lips softly, “Well I don’t plan on leaving any time soon either.” 

“Good.” He looked at you and you felt as though your soul was out and open for him to hold and love. “Cause you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N and I don’t ever want to lose you.” 

You could feel your eyes tearing up again. This felt good. This felt like home.

[page150]

Not A Friend - (Sister to Oscar "Spooky" and César Díaz)

Request: "i was wondering if u could do a fic where oscar and cesar have a teen sister and she’s sexually assaulted and tells oscar??"

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 3181

Warnings: Sexual Assault, Guns, Cursing

A/N: I usually don't do a author's note before the imagine, but this is a sensitive topic so if this might be triggering please click away.

Y/N - Your Name f/c - favorite color

Y/N sat quietly in her room, reading a book, illuminated by a white lamp sitting on her dresser.

Outside her brother, Oscar laughed with some men and her other brother, César had left a while ago on another adventure with his friends, leaving Y/N by herself in her room. Placing the book down, she moved the curtains away from her window. She looked at the gathering of Santos socializing in the backyard. Red solo cups in hand, dancing and eating. She remembered how Oscar had let her help decorate the backyard for the party only to be later excluded from it. Looking at him laughing with a with his arm around someone she betted that he had forgotten that she was inside.

She had gotten used to being forgotten and treated differently by people. Ever since she was born her brothers didn’t know what to do with her. Oscar had never expected to have to raise a brother by himself and especially not a sister. Even though she was only a year younger than César, Oscar's idea of keeping her safe was keeping her hidden.

She was only allowed to go straight to school then straight home, never alone either. If César or Monse weren’t going to a place neither was Y/N and that’s how it always was. She was especially not allowed to hang out with any of Oscar's friends, making life extremely lonely.

Glancing at a photo that was taped next to the window, she smiled at herself situated between Jasmine and Monse with Jamal, Ruby and César in the back. César’s friends were nice, but they were his friends not hers. He was the one invited to all their parties. He was the one they had tried to save, not her.

This left school to be the only place Y/N could socialize, but no one wanted to be friends with a girl from a gang. She was labeled dangerous before anything else, leaving her by herself. Always forgotten, and always alone.

That night she went to sleep feeling sorry for herself and woke up the same way. It continued the next few days until one day when while sitting in her algebra class, a new student was introduced. He was placed next to her and, ignoring the strange looks the class gave to him, he introduced himself.

“I’m Luke. Can I sit here?”

Y/N looked up at the blond haired boy. Her table partner had moved schools a few months ago and no one bothered to sit with her since. He looked nice, he had a nice smile and it made her want to lower her guard slightly, “Yeah, you can sit here.”

Luke sat next to her and immediately tried to start a conversation. He talked about how he moved from Florida. She noticed, as they talked more, how similar they were. They both had interesting families. He had two brothers, she had two brothers and they both lived near each other.

Y/N found herself laughing more than usual at his jokes. This led to the teacher having to stop class multiple times to scold them. Y/N never had a connection to someone like this, especially not on the first day. At lunch Luke went to sit with with her and -

“Who’s this?” César asked, suddenly sitting down at the lunch table next to his sister and wrapping an arm around her. Jamal, Ruby, and Monse also sat down. The table that previously consisted of two people quickly turned to six. Other kids nearby, eyed the two “dangerous” siblings sitting together.

Y/N rolled her eyes at the unexpected attention that was now forming. “This is Luke, he’s new.”

“Lukeee,” César trailed, “I’m Y/N’s older brother-”

“By a few months,” Y/N butted in.

“Whatever, I’m César, these are my friends Jamal, Ruby and my girl Monse.”

Monse laughed, “I’m not your girl.”

“Not yet,” César winked.

Y/N sighed and threw César’s arm off her. She turned to Elliot and apologized.

“Sorry for them.”

“No they’re cool,” Luke grinned. “Any friend of mine is my friend as well.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows, “We’re friends now? It’s only been a day.”

“Of course, you’re cool.”

With the compliment Y/N cheeks turned red. As childish as it was, having an established friendship with someone made her feel nice.

“This must be how César and Oscar feel all the time.” She thought.

“I don’t know if Oscar will like you having a friend that is a boy.” Ruby remarked. “No offense, Luke.”

“None taken.”

“Oscar doesn’t like anyone anyways.” Monse muttered, taking a bite into her sandwich.

“Don’t worry” Luke smiled, “I’m one of the good guys.”

“That’s what they all say,” Jamal said suspiciously. He leaned in close to Luke’s face and gave him some crazy faces.

“Okay, great talk guys,” Y/N said sarcastically, “I would love to chat with you more but lunch is about to end and I have to show Luke where his next class is. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah I have to go, but it was nice meeting you guys.” Luke stated, before he was dragged away by Y/N.

The next few weeks Y/N spent all her time with Luke. He sat next to her in the classes they shared, they talked at lunch and while walking home after school. They even stayed up at night so they could talk on the phone. She found herself smiling every time he talked to her. Every time he offered to carry her books. He was just so nice.

One Friday afternoon, Luke came running up to Y/N, putting her items in her backpack after her last class. He put his hands around her eyes, trying to hold back his laughter.

“Guess who?”

“Mrs. Kurt, I told you we can't see each other here.” Y/N whispered.

Luke removed his hands and his face went white. Y/N turned around and started crying with laughter. She had to sit down, her face turning bright red as she continued to laugh, gasping for air.

“I don’t even want to think about you dating my mom.” He trembled, before returning to his cheerful self. “Stop laughing, I have important news. There’s a party tonight and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

Y/N stopped laughing and thought about it before responding. “I don’t know. I don’t think Oscar would want me to. You know how he is about stuff like that.”

Luke smiled and picked her backpack off the floor. He then put out his hand and helped Y/N to her feet.

“Which is why César and his friends already said they are coming too. Oscar doesn’t have to know you're going as my date.”

“Your date?”

“If you want to be. I want you to be my date.”

Y/N smiled, a pink blush covering her cheeks. “I can be your date.”

“Great,” He took her hand and began to lead her out of the classroom. “It’s going to be amazing, don't worry.”

That night Y/N drank water out of a red solo cup, while sitting on the couch of a kid she had never met before. This time she was the one laughing and partying. Colors flashed around the room as more and more kids came into the house. The air was foggy with smoke and smelt like a mash of perfumes and colognes. Y/N nodded her head to the music enjoying the energy in the room.

To her surprise Luke pulled her up to dance with him. She giggled feeling his hands go around her waist. She put her arms around his neck just like she saw in the movies. Rap was blasting out of speakers placed on the ground. Somewhere someone joked about getting a noise compliment to which the crowd began shouting the rap lyrics louder. Taunting the idea, almost hoping for it so the party could gain extra excitement. Y/N shouted along with them in bliss. Ignoring the past fear she had felt once she noticed César had left. Ignoring the looks she had gotten when she first walked in the party. Ignoring how Luke had moved his hands past the dip in her back...

When she felt his hands squeeze her butt she whispered for him to stop which he did, but she still felt weird. A sinking feeling sat in her gut that this was a mistake. Suddenly the small action made the party feel like too much now. She could smell the stink of alcohol on Luke’s breath and weirdly on herself as well. How did she get drunk?

Y/N moved from Luke to where she had placed her cup. Now she could see scribbled on with a black sharpie, someone else’s name. She must have grabbed the wrong cup sometime during the party. Swaying slightly, she moved back toward Luke.

“I need to go home,” She hiccuped. “I drank someone's drink.”

In the darkness she didn’t see Luke’s small smile. “Wow, I’m sorry. Let’s get you home.”

The two exited the party and began to walk home. Y/N felt more tipsy as she walked, eventually having to lean on the blond boy. She didn’t feel really drunk, she could still tell what was happening, it was just her body felt a little out of balance. Luke seemed the same way, but before they reached Y/N house he grabbed her hips. The sudden movement left her in shock.

“You looked really nice tonight, babe.” He said, pulling her into a kiss as he ran his hands on her back, slowly moving lower onto her butt, then up to her breasts.

Immediately Y/N pushed Luke off of her, moving to wrap her arms around herself. “What the hell? I’m a Santo, pull that shit again and it's over” She yelled, backing away from Luke.

“Like you would, I’m the only one who cares enough to pay attention to you. Do you really think anyone else wants to be around you? I’ll do whatever I want. You would be an idiot to lose me.” He fumed.

Y/N froze. Luke had never acted like that before. He couldn’t truly mean what he was saying. She ran into her house and locked the door behind her. She waited a few minutes to check that he had left, which he did.

After her shower she convinced herself that Luke must have been really drunk. That’s why he acted that way, but on Monday he proved that that was not the case.

At the beginning of algebra it started off okay. Luke kept his eyes on the board and focused on his work. It was okay up to the point where he started rubbing on Y/N's leg. She told him to stop but he ignored her. First rubbing small circles on her knee. Then moving up to her thigh moving closer and closer upwards. No matter how many times she moved his hand he kept putting it back. Eventually she had to stay quiet out of fear of distracting the class, but he kept going. She begged silently for it to stop. Suddenly feeling powerless as he continued to do as he pleased for more days.

At lunch even though Luke continued to joke with César she started to go silent. It was a constant internal battle. If she pushed Luke away more, it would cause her to lose her only friend. If she didn’t she would continue to feel uncomfortable. She told herself it would stop eventually, that things would go back to normal, but they didn’t.

As more days went by Luke tried to do more things. The more he tried to do the quieter Y/N got. But luckily César began to notice. He noticed that Y/N wanted him to sit between her and Luke more. How she stopped laughing at his jokes and how Luke changed his tone when talking to her. It wasn’t always playful like it used to be.

Even though César wasn’t really close to his sister he acknowledged that they had to look out for each other. Y/N had been the one to get Oscar to let him back in the house many times. She looked out for him, and he had to look out for her.

Which is why when César and Monse accidentally walked in on Luke kissing her in an empty classroom while she tried to push him off, he freaked out.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He shouted, pulling Luke off of her and close to his face by the collar of his shirt. “I'm Lil’ Spooky I’ll have your face in the dirt if you do that shit again.”

“César, stop what are you doing here. You’re going to hurt him.” Y/N yelled. Monse gently pulled her away from Luke, but she pushed Monse back.

César punched Luke in the eye and he fell down, crumbling into a fetal position. César continued to kick him in the stomach until Y/N pulled him away.

“You’re hurting him! You can’t do this here! César stop please!”

César turned and grabbed Y/N's arm. He led her out of the classroom and out of the school with Monse trailing after them. Y/N’s items in hand.

“I can’t believe he was on you like that. Shit, Y/N. Wait, don't cry, don’t cry, it's okay.”

Y/N hadn’t realized she was crying until he said that. Tears were falling rapidly down her cheeks. She choked back sobs, trying to keep herself somewhat together.

She was thankful for César stopping it, but afraid for what would happen next. Once they reached their house César guided her up the stairs and inside where Oscar was smoking a cigarette at the dinner table. Hearing the door burst open and crying he instantly got up. He reached for his gun, but seeing that it was his siblings he stopped.

“Shit, what the hell happened César. Why is she crying?”

“Tell him,” César said softly. Monse ran in and went to Y/N’s side pulling her into a hug.

“Tell me what. Why are you crying?”

“He 's not mad at you hermana. Él va a ayudar.”

Y/N sniffled and buried herself into Monse’s shoulder. Trying to hide her embarrassment she whispered, “My friend at school was touching me in a weird way, Oscar. He wouldn’t stop. I told him to stop, though. I did. Please, don’t be mad at me.”

“We’re not mad at you and he’s not a friend anymore, Y/N. That should’ve never happened to you.” Monse murmured.

The room went silent. Monse still slowly rubbed Y/N’s back and César stood tense. Oscar looked from César to Y/N.

“César, do you think he left school yet?”

“Uh yeah, school ended right after I pulled her out.”

“Come on,” Oscar grabbed his gun and began to walk out the door, César following after. Y/N ran after Oscar begging for him to stop.

“Don’t Oscar, don’t hurt hm. He’s my only friend. He’s a kid, it was just a mistake.”

“No no!” He shouted. Oscar turned and placed his hands on Y/N’s shoulder’s. Looking into her teary eyes.

“It’s not your fault. It’s never your fault hermana. My job is to keep you safe. I've failed at a lot of things, but I refuse to fail at that again. Get in the house and rest. He just needs to be taught a lesson. Stay with Monse. Te amo como una hija bebé espeluznante.”

He left with César, leaving Y/N on the lawn. Monse guided her back into the house. She remembered what her dad did whenever she was going through a lot. She treated Y/N the same way. Reassuring her that it will be okay. That it wasn’t her fault.

César and Oscar didn’t come back until later that night.

“We got you this,” Oscar muttered, walking into the house and tossing a stuffed bear to Y/N. “We saw the idea online.” It was a f/c bear with a heart on it that said ‘Te Quiero’ with little messages César and Oscar wrote on the back. There weren't a lot, but the few ones there were were heartfelt.

“Thank you, I love it” Y/N smiled, holding the bear close. Her eyes were still slightly red from crying.

“And pizza,” César quietly cheered. On his face was a bandage, but he moved his face so Y/N couldn’t see it. “Monse do you want to spend the night?”

Monse looked at Y/N, “Yeah I already have clothes here so I’ll stay,”

She picked up a slice of pizza. “Soo, what did you guys do?”

“We took care of it,” Oscar said, sitting on the couch next to Y/N. “He won’t mess with you again. If I didn’t have a reputation I would’ve reported it.” He lowered his voice. “You can always go to us Y/N, we’re going to protect you. If that cabrón messes with you again I’m coming for him. ”

“I know,” Y/N mumbled. “I just wanted a friend, how dumb is that.”

“You can always hang out with us,” Monse added, “We’re your friends. We love having you around.”

Y/N sighed, “I mean my own friend. I love you guys too, but it gets so lonely. No one at school wants to be near me. Soy un marginado.”

The room went silent again. Before Monse spoke up, “You know you’re really smart Y/N. There’s a school in BrentWood that might offer you a scholarship to go there. I know you could pass the entrance exam. ”

“I could get a job for the tuition,” César added, rising from his seat at the dinner table. “Oscar what do you think? You’ve been making more money lately. It would keep her safe. She is really smart.”

Oscar looked at the ceiling, a good sign that he was thinking about the idea. Y/N kept her mouth shut, trying not to get too excited.

“How would she get there?”

“It’s a long bus ride,” Monse remarked, “But it’s safe. Only a bunch of rich kids. Most of them will be nice to you, Y/N. You’re smart, you’re funny, and you’re strong. Not a lot of them are like that there. No one will know who you're related to. I can get my mom to help get you in.”

César, Monse, and Y/N looked at Oscar. He took a deep breath and released it. Pulling a cigarette out his pocket, he lit it. Breathing deep he puffed out the smoke.

“I failed you today as a hermano, if I can keep you safe I will. I’ll work on getting you there.”

Y/N smiled and hugged Oscar, feeling César join as well.

“Thank you Oscar. Thank you Cesar. Thank you Monse. I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah” Oscar grinned. “Get off me I’m going to bed. I think I’ll go to the beach tomorrow. Want to come?”

“Yes!”

Author's Note: My DMs are always open to anyone who needs it. I am also on twitter to anyone who wants to talk @/thepage150. Requests are open. You are important. You are valued. You are loved. Have a wonderful day ~c'k

[bokutosworld]

convenience store stranger | suna rintarou

pairing: suna x f!reader  word count, genre: 2.1k words, college au. fluff. another meet cute story lol.  warning: none  summary: in which your late shifts become less boring and more interesting when a cute stranger stumbles in at 2 AM.  a/n: my first time writing for suna god im scared but i really liked how this turned out!! 

The first time he meets you happens on one of his late night convenience store runs. It was exams season and Suna’s been pulling all-nighter after all-nighter. To say he was exhausted would’ve been an understatement. 

He’s barely making it through on the third night and if he didn’t take a break soon, he was sure he’d have passed out on his desk. With his mind hazy from reading too many words and trying to understand a semester’s worth of lessons in one night, he decides to stand up and get some fresh air. 

Which is how he found himself currently standing at aisle four of the only convenience store that was still open near his apartment. He scans the rack for something that can wake him and his brain up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing but he could definitely feel eyes burning holes in the back of his head. 

He settles on a pack of jelly sticks and a cup of spicy instant noodles and heads towards the counter. You mutter a greeting when he reaches the cashier and begin scanning his items. 

When he hands over the cash for payment, your fingers brush with his cold ones, making you recoil harshly as if he was repulsing.

“Something wrong?” He laughs when he sees your reaction. “I know I look like a mess now but I won’t bite you.” He bends his knees slightly, tilting his head to get a look at your embarrassed face.

“No, I’m sorry.” You avoid his intense gaze, continuing to pack his purchase. When you look at him, he’s still staring with his piercing eyes that it almost takes your breath away. 

Shaking your head to bring yourself to reality, you give him his items. “Your hands felt cold and I was just shocked.” You feel that same electricity sparking between you again when he takes the bag from you. “I.. well.. thank you. Have a great evening.”

“It’s 2 AM,” Suna chuckles and you sigh before correcting yourself and bowing to him in goodbye. “See you around,” he shouts over his back as he walks out the door. It was the first time he saw you in that store and he was sure it wasn’t going to be the last. 

The second time he’d actually planned it according to your shift. If his past trips to the store were anything to go by, he’d learned that you always took the evening shift. It was something he discovered after being called out by your co-worker on the third time that he restlessly looked around the store during a visit. 

He should be on his bed, phone in his hand as he mindlessly scrolled until he fell asleep. But with the memory of his interaction with you lingering on his mind, he wanted to see you.

“Hey, got time for a customer?” He greets the moment he steps inside the empty convenience store. You look up from the book that you were reading and quickly stand to welcome him. “What are you reading?” 

Hiding the book from his view, you retort, “Aren’t you going to buy something?” 

He grins, taking in your tired disposition and the bags that had formed under your eyes before retreating to the shelves. When he returns, he slides over a can of energy drink, iced coffee, and a large bag of chips. 

You assume he’d leave immediately once he’s paid for everything. You certainly didn’t expect him to take out the coffee and give it to you. 

“This is for you.” He opens his own drink and leans by the counter. “Doesn’t it ever get boring here? I mean it’s midnight and you’re alone. I’m betting not many people even drop by at this time.” He faces the door, crossing his arms around his chest and staring at both of your reflections at the glass. 

Worn out from your classes in the day, you take his coffee offering, instantly feeling the rush of caffeine flow through your veins and waking you up. “The job pays relatively well. Besides I can’t really work in the mornings, I have uni.”

“So you’re a college student too.” He turns around and extends a hand out to you. “I’m Suna Rintarou.”

You introduce yourself as you shake hands with him. And as soon as pleasantries were exchanged, he immediately launched into a story about how his earlier day went. He was a natural conversationalist and despite this being your first time talking with him, you didn’t feel an ounce of awkwardness. You didn’t know what it was about him but his presence made you feel comfortable. 

You learned about what he was studying (to your surprise, Psychology), how he spends his weekends playing volleyball (he was a middle blocker and an excellent one at that, he boasted), and how he ended up here during the night he first saw you (the all-nighter went well and he passed all his exams). 

He rips open the chips he bought and offers you some as you lay your story before him. He munches as he listened to you rant about how you loathed your course (Business Management) and the many case studies and papers you had to do each day. He nods his head in understanding as you explain why you needed this part-time job (to pay for apartment fees). 

You were having so much fun in his company that you didn’t notice the time pass by. (He arrived to the store at 12:32 AM. The clock on the wall now reads 2:32 AM). And for the duration of his stay, you were surprised that no one ever came by. He only ever left your side when a taxi driver walked in. 

Suna steered clear from the counter and kept his distance as you did your job. From your peripheral, you could see that he watched you like a hawk from the side and it made you somehow conscious. When the customer exited, you playfully threw a tissue at him, 

“I couldn’t concentrate when you were standing there and looking at me like that!” 

He went back to his position but this time, he leaned close with his hands on the counter. “Like what?"  

Well how could you say to him that you thought he looked effortlessly hot in his sweatshirt and track pants? And was that an adorably messy bedhead? How could you say that you liked the teasing smile that he’d been giving you throughout the night?  

You chuckle and shake your head, “Nothing.” You reach for the book you were reading prior his arrival and took your seat. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow? You should go back.”

“Do you not want me around anymore?” 

“It’s not that, I…”

He cuts you off, “Good, then it’s settled. I’m not going anywhere. I like talking with you too much to go back home. Let me entertain you some more.” He sits down at the chair on one of the tables near the counter and then goes back to chatting with you. 

Since that night, Suna had been scheduling more trips to the convenience store. Sometimes, he’d really only visit to bother you. At times, he’d bring his books and laptop with him so he could work on a paper while you restocked the shelves and cleaned around. On rare occasions, he’d help you out on a business plan and the customers who’d enter the store would be amused at the sight of you and him huddled behind the counter with your serious thinking faces on. 

He’d become a part of your life that it felt unnerving not to have him around on your shifts. And it certainly showed on your face how disappointed and heartbroken you were when consecutive nights passed without his visits. Your co-worker even called you out on it. 

“So where’s the cutie been?” She asked one time when the two of you were at the back lounge while you logged in for your shift. You groan at the nickname she gave him and she laughs at you.

“How would I know?” 

“Don’t you guys talk almost every day and night?”

“Only on nights that he visits me.” You pause, thinking about the possibilities why he could’ve stopped coming. And before you knew it, you were ranting. “God, are we even friends? I don’t know his number. Did he ghost me? Is this considered ghosting? It’s been a week. I’m scared I did or said something.” 

She’s watching you pace around the room. “Maybe he got bored of me. Or maybe he realized I’m not really worth his time and dipped. Sleeping is much better than hanging out with me at 1 AM anyway.”

You’re stopped in your tracks when she suddenly grabs your shoulders. “Overthinking is not a good look on you.” She makes you take deep breaths to calm down. “I’m sure he’s just busy right now. He’ll visit again soon.” 

“I don’t know why I’m being like this.” 

The look she gives you is incredulous, her mouth gaping wide at your statement. “Are you serious?” 

“What?” You ask, not anticipating the next words that would come from her. 

“It’s obvious that you like him.” 

The next time you see him was on campus. You don’t know how long it’s been since he last spent time with you on your shift. (Though if you were counting, you were definitely sure that it’s been two weeks and three days since then.) 

You tried not to think too much about what his absence could mean but the pang in your heart never left. Those two weeks that he didn’t show up allowed you some time to think about your conversation with your friend. You like him. 

Back then, you were too quick to shut down the idea. Denying any ounce of feeling for the boy as you saw him as no more than someone who had too much time on his hands to bother you on your shifts. A good friend is what you specifically used to defend your relationship with him. 

So then why was it that your heart was beating so rapidly as Suna waved at you from across the cafeteria? Why couldn’t you stop smiling as you watched him make his way to your table and sit down beside you?

“Hey there.” He slings his arms around and pulls you for a side hug. “Long time no see.” 

You almost couldn’t hear him over the loud thumping of your heart in your ears. He’s still smiling and waiting for you to reply. “Yeah, been a while. I’ve gotten the peace and quiet back in my shifts.” 

He breaks out in laughter while opening a snack bar. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to stop by. I just came out from a major presentation that I’ve been preparing for during the past weeks. And guess what?” 

You perk your eyebrows at his question. “What?” 

“Our group did great.” He raises a hand for a high-five and you indulge him. “The teacher liked our slides and our analysis of the topic. Ah, I feel so good right now!” He leans back with his hands behind his head, but he suddenly jerks. 

“We should go out!” Suna grabs your hands and looks at you expectantly. “You’re free the whole day tomorrow right? You’re not working the shift? Let’s celebrate. It’s my treat!” 

Feeling overwhelmed by his invitation and his overall excitedness, you laugh and pull back. “Calm down, Suna. I don’t know about tomorrow.” 

“Why? Are you busy?”

“Not really but..” 

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem.” He tucks a loose hair behind your ear, leaning close with his voice barely over a whisper, “It’s perfect. I’ve wanted to take you on a date for a long time now.” 

“What?” You stare at him wide-eyed. 

“Come on, you’ve never thought about us?” He finds the situation entertaining. Your flustered reaction reminds him of the night that he met you. 

“Why do you think I’ve been coming to the convenience store when I could be sleeping at that time? I like being around you. My day doesn’t feel complete if I don’t at least see you or tell you about my day or listen to you rant about the latest episode of your favorite series.”

You like him. 

“Go out with me.” He kisses the back of your hand. “Please?” 

The corners of your lips unconsciously curves up and Suna sends your heart doing somersaults when he says something about how he’s finally got to see the beautiful smile he’s been wanting to see for weeks. 

Your friend was right. You do like him.