#i had such a bad day yesterday. thank you . thank you universe for bringing me good things

[onionrimgs]

ROLLO + GRIM DUO?!?! HELLO!??!?!?!?

ARSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LETS

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

does that technically also mean Rollo + Prefect duo since we are a package deal with Grim 👀👀👀👀

[moethewriter]

could you do number 27 with finnick from the otp prompt list? i love yours fics!

Of course I can anon! Super excited for this one, I had the best time writing it! Lot's of angst and fluff! TITLE: The Light In The Dark WORD COUNT: 1.5k PAIRING: Finnick Odair x Reader WARNING: None! TAGS: Lot's of angst, and fluff! (As always please let me know if you think anything needs to be added) lot's of introspection and reflection from the reader! A/N: I was so so so excited to write this one! And I think it's such an amazing prompt! Thank you so much for requesting it and as always I take constructive criticism! -

District 13 was not a place you particularly enjoyed. It was safe, and secure and far better than being stranded in an arena forced to kill other people. But you weren’t as content as you had hoped you would be. When you were rescued along with everyone the rebellion scooped up, you had kept telling yourself that everything was going to be okay. You had to keep faith that whatever the next step was, was going to end all of it. 

Finnick had been rescued alongside you, and he offered a comforting ear. It was so strange being close to him again. It had been a year since you two had broken up, and though it had seemed like yesterday, you were no longer the same people you once were. So much had changed, you had changed. 

Though you knew once you both had been reaped that you were going to ally yourself with him. There really was no one else you would rather have at your side. Despite the separation, he had you trust and you knew he was far more capable than a lot of people gave him credit for. 

There had been tension between the group, that you knew, no one got along well unless it was with Mags. You knew the other’s could sense a different type of tension between you and Finnick, one filled with unresolved feelings bubbling below the surface. It had only gotten worse after you heard his voice through the jabberjays.

Johanna had tried to talk to you afterwards, even sent Katniss your way but you wouldn’t budge. You didn’t need to have a friendship circle and talk about how you longed for Finnick and how he still had your heart. No one needed to know that but you, though you sensed Johanna had always known, she had known you better than you knew yourself most days. 

There had been no major fallout with Finnick, no giant blow up that ended in destruction and despair. It had been so amicable … you had both been so busy, the life of a Victor always was. Not to mention the separation by District had been a struggle. You had been the one to bring it up, despite the pain it caused you. Finnick had agreed with you the moment you finished speaking. You hugged, and he left and then you stood there alone. You were both heartbroken over it, that much you knew. 

You had cried for weeks after it, though you felt you had no right to do that. No one was able to console you, despite Johanna trying her very best too. You knew she wasn’t the best with comforting people, she had grown colder after what had happened to her family, but you appreciated the effort she had put in. Seeing Finnick on TV doing interviews, going to parties and generally being in the Capitol had upset you the most. It was hard to look at him, you knew he was hurting so much more than anyone could tell. You wanted to reach out, but you knew it would have been a bad idea. So you stayed silent and watched him from afar, and kept your thoughts about him to yourself.

Though you hoped he thought of you too.

And in a blink of an eye, months had passed. You had both been mentors for the 74th hunger games, though to no avail as your tributes had passed in the arena. You didn’t speak to him much, and he did his best to avoid you. It was strange but you knew he was coping in a far different way then you were, so you couldn’t blame him,

The universe was funny though, bringing you both together again under far different circumstances. He had come to your door days after you had been reaped for The Quarter Quell to form an alliance with you, and you were both informed together about the rebellion by Haymitch Abernathy. You were hesitant but agreed to help, as long as Finnick was there too. There wasn’t anyone else you’d want as an ally in those games. Some small part of you was thankful that he had been there.

“Penny for your thoughts.” A familiar voice broke through the jumbled mess of memories you had been reliving. “Not much in there right now.” You chuckled, turning to meet Finnick’s gaze, he seemed relaxed, and adjusting far better than most people. “Just wondering about what the next step is, thinking about all that needs to be done.” The lie came easily to you, but you knew he could see right through it. He had always been able to see past you.

“That’s not the Y/N I know.” Finnick smiled, leaning against the wall. He looked like an angel in white against the steele gray. “The one I know is simply far too deep in thought about too many things that they’re overwhelming themselves with it. Am I wrong?” He raised a knowing eyebrow. 

“You know me far too well, Finnick Odair.” You snorted, crossing your arms in defeat “I was thinking about the past.” You said, quietly, almost hoping he wouldn’t catch what you said at all.

“About us?” He questioned, a strange look crossing his face.

You couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking at that moment, but you knew there was no point in lying. You didn’t want to lie to him anymore.

“You could say that.” You nodded.

“I hope it’s all good memories.” He said, meeting your eyes once more. “I know I still think of those on my dark days.” He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“You were one of the best things that ever happened to me.” You told him, earnestly. “I loved you more than life itself.”

“So you don’t  regret it at all?” Finnick questioned, and you weren’t quite sure if he wanted your answer by the way his voice quivered.

“No. Not one bit.” You told him. “I don’t regret having you because you made the sun shine brighter and you made my life worth living again. You put a smile on my face anytime I wasn’t feeling myself. You were the only one who loved me when I thought I couldn’t be loved. You changed me for the better in so many ways. You were, and always have been a star amongst the darkest of skies, Finnick. That little light that kept going even though the world tried to beat it down. You have always been one of a kind. I could never regret you. I would never regret a single thing because if I didn’t have you forever at least I had you at all.” Your voice was thick with emotion, finally saying all of this to him.

You had bottled it up for so long, kept it so tight to your chest that you felt like you were going to explode into a million tiny little pieces. You knew you would always love him, but a second chance at loving him had seemed impossible.

“I don’t regret breaking things off either.” You told him. “It was the best thing we could do for both of us at the time. You and I both know that.”

“I know.” Finnick nodded, a sad smile crossing his face. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t cry for weeks after it happened though. I missed you severely during those first few months. I’m sorry I never reached out, I wanted to but I didn’t know how.” 

You could see him fidgeting with his thumbs, something he only did when he was nervous, it was a quirk you thought had been adorable when you first noticed it. He had an anxious energy to him that could be hard to spot if you didn’t know him.

“It’s okay.” You whispered, sniffling a little. “That wasn’t your job anymore to be there for me.”

“You were never a job, I loved … love you and I always wanted to be there for you even when we were over.” Finnick said. “You’re the love of my life, you always have been, Y/N.”

“I’m still the love of your life?” You asked, wiping the stray tear from your eye.

Nothing could have prepared you for this conversation, but you were glad that you could air everything out. There was no one else for you but Finnick. You loved him, and you still wanted to be with him. He was the first person you thought about in the morning, and the last person you thought about before you slept. He was still the love of your life too. 

He was always with you, even when he wasn’t.

“Yeah.” He said finally. “I don’t think there’s anyone else for me.”

You made a tentative step towards him, and wrapped your arms around his neck. He was tense, you could feel that, but that didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around your waist. He was warm, he’d always been built like a furnace in contrast to your cold body temperature but you two still fit together perfectly, like two halves of a whole.

It’s like you were always meant to be in his arms.

“I still love you too.” You told him, letting yourself get lost in his arms.

“When this is all over …” He whispered into your ear. “I’m going to take you on the best date in the world, got it?” 

You could hear the smile in his voice.

“Got it.” You said, hugging him tighter.

[mr-clow]

Kal’Hal notes on a human ship. Part 2:

Laffite woke up a few moments earlier than her alarm told her to. She rolled around the bed for a while, thinking about yesterday's events and stretching her torso. She felt the air going out between her ribs. Kal’Hals had evolved from an aquatic world, and they could breathe water or air, their gills having evolved into pseudo lungs, their hands with palmed fingers and a powerful tail connected where humans would have legs. Her big blue eyes with no white to sight, something that humans had and still looked weird to her, panned the room, and she saw a small package on the floor in front of the door. She unrolled her tail and with the full length of it she reached the box and put it on her bed…

I opened the box, inside the first I saw was a colourful paper with some kind of human animal that was saying get well soon. I looked kinda cute, but I didn’t get any reference if there was any and Mag had signed it. Below I found a card with a clip attached to a paper that explained that is a long term sensor to check the radiation received and that humans use it when they work in radioactive environments (They really work in radioactive places!) and also below there were some pills. The paper explained that it was something humans used in case they got poisoned, but I should check if Potassium Iodide was bad for my health, something even I didn’t know. Below all that I found a small device that I recognized, it was a radiation sensor. Maggie really tried and I was glad.

I had met humans before, even if a lot of other species treated them as wild dangerous creatures, Kal’Hal knew better. Both species had an early relationship and for more than a thousand human cycles they had been supporting each other. Humans could be extremely loyal given the same treatment, and that didn’t include their pack bond. I have never been included in a human pack, but some people said that there was no safer place in the universe than being included and surrounded by a human pack. I wondered if this box was only a form of respect, or if it was a sign that they had started to include me in their pack.

After that, I took the time to moisturise my skin and change my clothes, my world was way more humid than earth and I needed to keep myself healthy. After that I took the things from the box, read the instructions again and searched about those pills on my way to the mess hall.

When I reached the mess hall my face was showing quite the concern, those pills could shut down several of my organs, technically I had a blister of poison in my hand. Maggie waved a hand, she was having breakfast with Bill who was in charge of the engineering department, Rose and Raúl, both of them colleagues also from the same department. I waved back, took a tray and served myself some food. Most leaves from the human world, some processed seeds and various teas were fit for my consumption, so I chose peppermint tea and a light salad. Most humans wouldn’t eat this at this hour, but the cook knew my taste, so I gave him a nod and an imitation of a smile, he smiled back, and I went to sit with Maggie.

Maggie asked how I was, and I explained that I still felt uncomfortable, but I was willing to give it a try and thank her for all the things she got me. Bill explained that everyone room in the engineering department had helped and that they had asked in the Med bay for the pills. My face turned with worry and Raúl asked what happened. I took the time to explain that iodine was poisonous to a lot of species and turned back the pills. They apologised, and then the conversation turned to other things from work, and I felt relaxed. Maybe they were starting to include me in their pack.

I went back to help Maggie assemble the reactor we were working on the last day. The job hasn’t advanced too much, but I noticed some tools that weren’t here yesterday. “Maggie, why did you bring all this?” While I checked a welding equipment that I haven’t seen before. “Yesterday, after I left the box in your room, I came back here and checked all the boltholes and filled the ones that had more diameter than they should. You shouldn’t worry any more for this” Her face had a smile but with an expression I didn’t knew. “Thanks Maggie, I appreciate all this. Anyways the sensor you gave me didn’t go off even in here, so I’m starting to feel more secure” I took the sensor from my belt and showed it to her. “Ehhh Laff, I don’t want to scare you, but you checked that it was set to your standards? It is really sensitive, but you have to program it” I looked at her, then at the sensor, and it was true, the threshold was set to 1mSv, lower than a human needs it but higher than I was comfortable. I changed it and when I pressed OK the sensor went off automatically. I looked at her worried and she took my hand and led me outside. “How low did you set it, Laff?” She asked with a worried look on her face. “Not too low, only 0.01mSv” and she put the same smile from before, “Oh hon, that won't do. Why don’t you try 0.4mSv at least, remember what I said yesterday. Earth is slightly radioactive, humans are, and this ship also is human made. Nobody got hurt before with even more than that, so let's try that.” I nodded slowly, I didn’t like it, but I knew she was right and changed the alarm. It stopped, and I exhaled, she took my hand again, and slowly we went inside the room, it didn’t sound again.

All that day I was distracted, but Maggie chatted as usual, and she gave me some simpler tasks, so I could entertain myself. At the end of the shift I went out to the mess hall with Maggie and when we sat down I looked at her and Bill “Yesterday you told me that humans knew how much radiation makes you sick, it’s that true?” Bill and Maggie looked at me with a serious face. Bill took a breath to start speaking, but Maggie spoke first. “Look Laff, we are not proud of explaining this to you, but I consider you my friend and I think it is fair to explain you some of our history”

[not-a-space-alien]

K&J x MMSS 3: Kane & Valen Part 13

Chapter 13 of the third crossover with @whumpsday!

K&J masterlist

MMSS masterlist

K&J x MMSS crossover masterlist

SERIES IS 18+ ONLY.

This is the last chapter of this crossover!! Thank you so much to everyone who followed along on this journey. This is one of my favorite pieces that Mill and I have written together, because of how sweet and tender it turns out at the end. I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have.

Although this is the last we’ll be posting of this particular AU, we have a lot of other crossovers that we’ll probably be sprucing up and posting! Keep an eye out because we’ll probably be posting a poll to ask which one everyone would like to see us to post next.

Until then, enjoy!

In this chapter: Sweet, sweet divorce and a well-earned happy ending

Warnings: References to institutionalized dehumanization, misgendering a transmasculine character, references to intimate partner violence, mentions of past rape (off-screen)

***

Valen wakes up gently, gradually, and not scared or in pain at all. Next to the one person he has rock solid confidence loves him totally and unconditionally.

Kane is still asleep, mouth slightly agape, fangs poking out. Valen finds it adorable. He reaches one hand out to gently stroke Kane’s hair, and Kane closes his mouth and lets out a satisfied breath, leaning into the touch without waking up. He looks so very cozy and comfortable that Valen is inspired to simply lean into him and go back to sleep himself. 

***

They sleep through the day, and when night comes again, they go back out into society. It feels very weird to be surrounded by vampires again, after so long in human territory. 

They buy blood, as much of it as they can expect to drink before it goes bad. Oh, the underappreciated joy of being able to just go out and get packs of blood to drink. They get the ethical stuff–it's not Valen's first time buying it, but it is Kane's.

In a previous life, Kane may have complained that it doesn't taste as good due to the longer delivery time making it a bit stale. He now holds no such sentiments. Any blood at all is a gift from the universe, and he likes knowing that no one had to be hurt to get it. There’s been more than enough hurt.

He writes and sends a long apology letter to Bellamy, including his new phone number–Valen’s number–explaining that he's alive and he'd like to reconcile. He knows that Bellamy and Valen would love each other, and is looking forward to that as well. He gets his financials sorted out with his family's accountant, so they have ample funds and Valen’s husband has no control over him any longer.

Now that it's the next night, Kane decides to bring up the thoughts he pushed aside yesterday.

"Valen, I just want to say that I'm sorry if it hurt, when we were... together before. I didn't know what I was doing, or that I was supposed to help you relax first. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, I know it's bad memories. I just wanted to apologize."

Unfortunately, it had hurt, a little at the start. Valen is overwhelmed for a second by the memory, and by how much he'd hated Kane in the moment, despite the situation being completely out of his control.

"I doubt Nick really would have let you," he admits. "It was hardly an ideal time to be learning how to please one's partner." He sits down on the loveseat. His arms are full of the mail he'd picked up from his landlord, and he starts rifling through it to keep his hands busy. It's a literal armful. "If it's any consolation to you, you were... smaller, in that area, than Nick was, so it always hurt less. I'm certain it hurt much less for me than it did for you when Nick did it to you."

The horror of watching Kane have to experience that while practically in his lap is burned into Valen’s brain. He feels like if they have enough new memories of each other in the throes of pleasure, maybe that will scrub the image away, the horrible way it started.

"Yes, I'm glad for that," Kane agrees. Nick always made him hurt to the point of bleeding, and at least that wasn't the case for him and Valen. "It'll only be good from now on," he adds with a smile. Maybe that’s naive of him, but it certainly can’t ever be as bad as it was.

Valen smiles back, but then his hands falter on the mail in his hand. "O-oh," he says, and he's instantly in tears. "I-I-I got a letter from Priscus. I didn't think he knew where I live. I-I guess he knows my new address."

Kane has only met Priscus Kithrara briefly, but everything he knows about the man from Valen makes him hate him more and more. He gently puts his hand over Valen's. "He can't hurt you anymore. I know I've promised to protect you many times, and failed. This time, I really can. He will never touch you again. Do you want me to read the letter for you and let you know if there's anything important in it?"

Valen hands the letter to Kane with a shaking hand. "That-that sounds good. Yes, please."

When Kane unfolds the letter, he finds enclosed a glossy photograph of a beautiful cat with white fur and blue eyes. The letter reads:

To my dearest turtledove,

The whole staff here at the manor is looking forward to your return. I know you are confused and emotional, but know that my patience will never run out. I only want what's best for you. Whenever you need me, just call for me and you know I'll come running. I know you are away right now, seeing the world, but your home will be waiting for you when you get back. My whole family is eager to see you safe back at my side, and I will do whatever it takes to make things right.

I know you were distraught over the loss of your beloved pet all those years ago, so to make our home more inviting to you, I have acquired the finest replacement, exactly to your taste, down to the way she trills and follows you around the house. She still has not been bestowed a name, which is a right that I reserve for you upon your return to the estate.

Please call me when you get this, so I know you are safe.

Love,

Priscus

"He got a cat and wants you to name her." Kane summarizes, leaving off all of Priscus's flowery, manipulative language. "He also wants you to call him. And there's a picture of the cat."

Valen takes the picture, sighing exasperatedly. "Of course he did. Of course he does. This is just like him. He always does this. He treats me like a child–except one that he can have sex with–and then when it upsets me, he tries to placate me with gifts." Valen is suddenly self-conscious. He knows that Kane is not one for one-upmanship in terms of comparing suffering, but compared to the way Kane's family treats him, Priscus must sound like an absolute sweetheart, giving him gifts and saying he loves him. "He has no idea how to make me actually happy–or is simply unwilling to do it."

Kane eyes the confused and emotional part of the letter again and rolls his eyes at it, crumpling it up. "He sounds like a creep. As if you can't get a cat on your own if you wanted to. I should go over there and make him sign those divorce papers once and for all. Maybe it'd be a wake-up call if he knew you were dating Kane de Sang," he says with a smirk.

Valen puts his hand to his mouth. "Do you think so?" He has no idea how Priscus will react to the idea that he's now dating someone else. It will certainly be unexpected, but it could go either way of him simply giving up...or of him getting even more possessive and domineering. "If-If you mean it, I suppose maybe it could work...I know he has a low opinion of you, unfortunately, but you're a man, so he might...recognize you as, er, having a right to claim territory, so to speak. It might make him realize this separation is permanent and not temporary. Although....Kane, I'm worried he will get violent."

"I was thinking the low opinion would work in our favor,” Kane explains. “If he knows you left him for me, despite it all, that might get it through his thick skull." His hands curl into fists as he considers the implications of Valen's words, how Valen would know that Priscus gets violent. "I hope he fucking does. That'd give me an excuse to-" He cuts himself off, shaking his head. He's getting back into his old mindset. He doesn't want to be the angry, violent man who hurt Jim anymore. "No. I wouldn't escalate anything. It's okay. I'm used to violent." 

Valen crumples a little. "Oh--I know you can take it, but--it's just--I just hate this. I don't want to see him debase you. Or the two of us. And I know he will, he'll take it as an insult." He folds his arms on his lap, sagging. "It feels like cowardice to have you fight this battle for me. I just don't know what else to do. And now that, that he knows where I am, he'll see you eventually, I'm sure of it, so there's no use hiding it."

"I want to," Kane assures him, dropping the letter to take Valen's hands instead. "You've dealt with him enough. I want to do this for you. Just like how you... spoke to my father for me. You won't have to deal with him ever again. I'll make sure of it. My defect regardless, I'm just as much nobility as he is. I will protect you."

"Okay," says Valen, blushing. "Th-thank you." Maybe this would be okay, to let someone else take care of him. It had always gone wrong in the past, but Kane knew what he actually wanted, and would try for that, instead of what he thought Valen should want. "So, so should we call on the phone, or go over there? Or write a letter?" 

Kane considers this. "Do you think, if we talked on the phone or wrote a letter, he would try to come here to speak to you in person? If that's the case, we should just go there. But if not, the phone is probably better."

Valen's face falls. "He would definitely come find me in person before giving up."

"Then we should go. It's better for it to happen on our terms, with no surprise." He squeezes Valen's hand. "I'll be with you the whole time, and we'll leave right after. And it doesn't have to be now. Whenever you want to do this."

Valen looks at the clock to see how much time is left in the night. He feels like the anticipation is going to kill him if he just waits. Best to rip the bandaid off quickly. "I think we can go tonight. If that's okay with you. Thank you."

"Then we'll go." Kane is nervous too, though not nearly as much as Valen is. He's afraid that when faced with hostility, he may panic and crumble, leaving Valen to defend both of them. That is the last thing he wants. He resolves himself to stand his ground no matter what. Priscus is no threat to him. "You can lead me there, and I'll talk to him. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can even leave and go home early, if it turns out to be too much for you. I'll handle it."

Valen has never felt so genuinely and holistically protected by anyone else. "Thank you."

He searches around the apartment for a bit and finds the divorce paperwork, the one that was filled out, signed, stamped, completed in every way except for the one that actually mattered—the husband's signature. He'd thought about trying to forge the signature in the past, but he'd always known that wouldn't do the job and would just make things worse.

They travel to the Kithrara estate. Valen's hackles start to go back up as soon as he steps onto the grounds, past the gate and onto the extensive lawn, up to the main manor where he knows Priscus will likely be. The servants all gasp with delight and welcome him back enthusiastically, opening doors for him without question, although Kane does get some looks. Valen had always been a favorite among the staff at home.

A few inquiries about where Priscus is is all it takes to find him. He's in the main hall, with a vampire Valen knows is one of the people whose job it is to go into human territory and abduct people to throw into the blood farms. He currently has a human on a chain, around the neck. The human's face is stained with tears and very, very scared. Valen's face falls upon seeing it. He won't be able to stop thinking about it throughout this whole conversation now.

Kane's eyes fall toward the human, too. The human looks as scared as Jim had on that first night. Immediately, he starts thinking of potential ways to get them out of here, but the fact that his interaction with Priscus is going to be hostile won't help. He wonders if offering twice the revenue a single human would generate during their short lifetime would work, especially if he frames it as a gesture of goodwill to make up for everything else this conversation will entail.

As soon as Priscus catches sight of Valen, he stops whatever business he was doing and waves the other vampire away, dragging the terrified and abused human to the periphery of the room.

"My little turtledove," he purrs, coming over and wrapping his arms around Valen, putting his chin on Valen's head. "Finally. I'm so pleased to see you here again."

As soon as Priscus touches Valen, it's obvious his learned helplessness kicks in. He freezes, going rigid.

Kane shoves Priscus away, moving protectively in front of Valen. "He doesn't want to hug you," he says firmly. "Kane de Sang. I believe we've met before, briefly."

Priscus gives Kane a withering stare, folding his hands in front of him. "Oh, yes. You. I thought you were dead. Have you risen from the grave for the exclusive purpose of interfering with my personal life? What business do you have here? It's awfully bold of you to lay hands on the heir to the Kithrara estate in his own home, with his own wife in the room."

Kane wants to strangle him until he's gasping for breath. He wants to scream obscenities and beat Priscus to a bloody pulp. He wants to drive a stake through the man's heart. His fingers twitch with the urge to wrap them around Priscus’s throat.

Instead, he presents the divorce papers. "I apologize," he says through gritted teeth. "I could see that Valen was distressed, and wanted to remedy that as soon as possible. We've come to request you sign these. I'm Valen's boyfriend."

Priscus's face immediately turns stony. "Valen's what?"

Valen edges further behind Kane.

"His boyfriend," Kane repeats. "I understand you've been separated for quite a while now, and he's been trying to get you to sign off on a divorce long before he met me. He's moved on. If you care about his happiness at all, you'll sign them."

Priscus eyes the papers in Kane's hand and sighs, pushing Kane's hand delicately away with a single disgusted finger. "Mr. de Sang. Valen does not have a boyfriend. She is my wife. And I can see you've been enabling some of her delusions, so it's bold of you to act like you care about her more than I do. Not only that, but I can see whatever you've done to her has made her clearly visibly underweight. I can only assume you've been feeding her unhealthy fear that she's being immoral by drinking blood. She's struggled with disordered eating in the past, not that that's any of your business. I assure you our separation is quite temporary, and also none of your business, so please kindly leave the premises if you're quite done?"

"That is not the case at all. We've recently been through... an ordeal together, where neither of us had access to food for several months." Kane doesn't want to give specifics in case Valen doesn't want Priscus to know. "We've only just recently escaped, and he's been eating well since. I've done nothing to him. If you think the separation is temporary, you're the one who's delusional," he can't help but snap.

Priscus raises an eyebrow. "You dragged my wife through an.... ordeal, during which you could not feed her, and you expect me to believe you will take care of her?" He looks past Kane to Valen. "Come now, darling, Kane de Sang, of all people? You must have picked him on purpose, in some childish attempt to humiliate me."

"It's not that," Valen says quietly.

"I got us out of there. I did take care of him," Kane protests. "Think about it. If he chose me, surely that means it's over. Stop throwing a years-long tantrum because he doesn't like you back and just accept it already."

Priscus gives them both a very long stare, then sighs. He looks at Valen. "This is really what you want?" He sounds exasperated.

"Yes."

"Neither your nor my family will be happy about it."

"They are already unhappy with me."

Priscus looks at Kane. "I'm sure the de Sang family won't be happy about this either, when they hear you broke up a proper marriage, between proper vampires." 

"As long as Valen's happy with the situation, I don't care," Kane says. "To echo his sentiment, they are already unhappy with me. Will you sign the papers?"

Priscus's lip peels back in a sneer. "When this inevitably ends poorly, I want it to be noted that I was against it from the very beginning. I can't keep shielding you from the consequences of your actions, Valen. I have been as patient as I can, but I cannot make any guarantees about how it will be if you try to come back." He takes the papers and signs them. "There, now all your problems are solved." His voice drips in sarcasm. "I expect you to return the money and heirlooms you took from the estate."

It’s done, it’s finally done, after so much fuss. "Yes sir," Valen squeaks. He has no intention of actually doing anything Priscrus demands short of legal pressure.

With the papers signed, Kane's mind once again turns to the terrified human. It's... worth a shot, he supposes. The worst thing that can happen is Priscus says no.

"Thank you, Mr. Kithrara," Kane says politely, despite his increasingly violent feelings toward him. He hands the papers to Valen, still behind him. "I will ensure your property is returned. As a token of goodwill and apology, I'd like to buy this human for double the revenue a human is likely to generate during its lifetime." He desperately hopes Priscus takes the bait.

Priscus cocks his head. "That is a strange token. Why do you want this one?"

"This human happens to be here," Kane says simply. It's true. Every human Priscus's family owns is likely just as terrified as this one- until they lose themselves to overexposure to persuasion, of course. This human is just the one who's here. "And I thought it would be a nice gesture."

Priscus looks to the far side of the room where the other vampire has the scared human. He shrugs. "Very well. This human is here because we were discussing its suitability to drink from, since there seems to be something wrong with it, but this will solve that problem." He gestures for the other vampire to come over, and hands Kane the chain around the human's neck.

Kane takes the chain. "Great. Glad I could help," he says, trying to stifle his anger. He takes his checkbook out, and after receiving the price from Priscus, cuts him a check.

"We'll be going, then. Thank you for your cooperation." He opts to just carry the terrified human instead, given they're likely going straight home from here and a human won't be able to run that far. Making sure to keep himself between Valen and Priscus, he shuffles the three of them outside.

"Huh. That went well," he comments.

"Thank you," Valen says, in tears. "Thank you, Kane." He hugs close to Kane.

A servant comes running out. "Mistress Kithrara, wait!" She is holding a small kennel, and slows down as she gets closer. "Um, I overheard Master Kithrara saying that he was going to give this cat to the pound if you didn't want it, and–and I thought maybe you–"

Valen takes the kennel, inside of which a white figure can be seen crouched in the corner. "Oh, thank you," he sniffles. "Yes, this is very thoughtful of you. Thank you."

The servant bows, smiling, looking a little mischievous, and returns into the house. Leaving Valen holding a cat, and Kane holding a sobbing, terrified human.

"Okay. This is- okay, we need to go home. We need to call Liz," Kane decides. He looks down at the human in his arms. "We're not going to hurt you. We're going to take you home, back to human territory. It's okay. It's over."

"Really?" the human asks, trembling. "I–Please, please, please, thank you so much." He clearly does not quite believe Kane.

"I–I suppose we have a cat now, as well," says Valen. "I hope that's all right? Oh, what time is it? Will we have enough time before sunrise to get to the border, or will we have a guest with us until tonight?"

"Please let me go," the human weeps, clearly terrified of the prospect of spending a whole day alone with the two vampires.

Kane checks his watch. "It'll have to be tomorrow. I'm sorry. We're going to let you go, I promise, but it'll have to wait. We're not even close to the border," he says apologetically.

The thought of holding a human captive, even for a single day, is terrifying. Every lesson the hunters seared into him, reminding him what happens when he messes with humans. It sends a chill down his spine, a deep fear he knows he won’t be getting rid of anytime soon.

But he’s helping this time. He’s making things right. He’s in vampire territory, safe. He just needs to remember that. "Okay, we have to- we have to get human food and cat food tonight. And litter? That's the most important thing right now, or we'll have a starving human and cat for the next day. And we can call Liz to coordinate a dropoff for- um, I'm Kane, and this is Valen."

The human sobs, curling in on himself. "Sir–Please, sir, I–if it's not– I’m anemic, I haven't eaten all day. Please, sir."

"I don't know what that means, but we're going to get you food. I know humans starve easily, we're going to get you food right now. It's okay." Kane looks back at Valen. "Should one of us take them both home while the other shops, or should we just take them with us and go shopping together?"

Valen looks overwhelmed. "I–We should bring the human, so he can pick out his food. Anemic means his body isn’t producing enough red blood cells, so he needs something with high iron content.” He addresses the human, "Please try to be calm. Everything will be all right."

This attempt is not more successful at calming him down, though he does seem relieved to finally find someone who understands he has a medical condition

 "Maybe, um, maybe I'll take the cat home, and you two go to the store?” Valen proposes. “Do you know what supplies to get for a cat?"

"Kibble, litter, box? And whatever else the employees recommend?" Kane suggests. "That sounds good. Oh, let me just-" He sets the human down for a moment so his hands are free to remove the chain around his neck. "That's better, right?"

The human looks incredulous, but not much more at ease to have the chain taken off. "Th-thank you, sir. Are you going to--are you going to brainwash me now?"

"No. I can't- I'm not," Kane says, embarrassed. He wouldn't have anyway, but he's still sensitive about the subject. "Listen, it's going to be okay. I'm going to buy you food, then we'll go back home and call a human we're friendly with, who can meet us at the border to take you home tomorrow night. You can call home, too. I've been captive myself, and only very recently gotten out. That terror you're feeling, I've felt it too. I just want to help." He scoops the human back up in his arms. "Let's get you some food."

"Th-thank you, sir," he says, crying, still clearly terrified. "Thank you."

"I'll see you at home," Kane says to Valen, and gives him a peck on the cheek.

Valen leans into him. "Thank you, dear. Thank you." He holds the divorce papers tightly in his free hand. He bids the panicked human to calm down one more time before they split up.

***

Kane takes the human to a general store, where he'll be able to pick up both human food and cat stuff in one trip. The selection of human food is minimal, but contains all essentials and a bunch of iron-rich options. "If this isn't enough, we can go to the human supply store. But I figured this would be okay since it's just one day."

"Yes," he says, still sounding like he's on the verge of a breakdown any second, being in public with all these vampires around. "Thank you, sir, thank you so much." He picks out some stuff, seeming to be the most excited about eating fruit, although he seems afraid to look too pleased about it.

"It's alright. You're safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Kane feels very protective over this human. He grabs the cat essentials too, figuring he and Valen can come back for extra things like toys when he doesn't have an entire human to carry. He hands the shopping bags to the human and picks him back up.

"You can eat on the way home, if you'd like." He knows that if he'd had to wait at all before drinking blood after acquiring it after he'd been freed, it would have been awful.

"Thank you, sir," the human weeps. He does, in fact, eat on the way home.

When they arrive, Valen has the cat out of the carrier. The cat is wearing a fancy-looking studded pink collar and is sprawled out on the floor. Valen has his face buried in the cat's flank when the door opens, and he jerks away as though caught doing something illicit. "Oh, you're back, did it go okay?" 

Kane smiles, setting the human down and grabbing the bag with the cat things from him. "Yes, we got food for everyone. We'll have to go back later for the non-essentials for the cat, it was too much to carry at once." He hands the cat bag to Valen. "I can't believe this all actually went well. Tomorrow we'll be freeing a human and setting your divorce finalization in motion."

"Y-yes," says Valen. "Thank you." He walks into Kane's arms, burying his face in his chest, and finally letting himself cry. "Thank you, my dear, thank you so much. I couldn't have done any of this without you." He sniffles. "And I--I suppose I did kind of want the cat."

Kane hugs him, gently rubbing his back. "I'm so glad. It's okay. He can't hurt you anymore. No one can."

Valen wipes his eye. "Thank you." He sniffles, then looks at the human. "Oh, hey, why don't you come sit down. Here." Valen beckons him to sit on the couch, and he does so, food still in his lap. "What's your name?"

"S-sam, ma'am," he says wretchedly. "Um, pl-please don't--I--I know--he said food for everyone, but--but if I--I'm your food, I--I don't think I have enough blood to--I think I'll pass out if you both feed from me." His face goes white, as though realizing that maybe they don't care.

"Sh," says Valen. "It's all right. We're not going to feed from you."

"Wh-Why did you buy me?" he says.

"You looked scared," Kane tells him. "We've been there, I wanted to help. We're not going to hurt you. And Valen isn't a ma'am, just so you know. We're both men. I- I should call Liz now, right?" he asks Valen. "Let her know what's going on?" 

Sam looks scared again--it's basically all he's been doing the whole time they've seen him. He doesn't say anything.

Valen perks up. "Yes. In fact, I think it would win favor with her to say that you are releasing this human. Although, um, maybe just be careful how you phrase it."

"Yes, noted." Kane agrees, and goes to dial her. The phone rings and rings, to no answer. Kane figures she is either asleep or out hunting. He calls Jim next, who does pick up with a sleepy "Hello?" after several rings.

"Hello, Jim." Kane says.

Jim gasps and blinks the sleep out of his eyes, startled by hearing Kane's voice all of a sudden in the middle of the night.

"It's Kane,” he continues. “Um, I'm here with Valen, and we've come across a captive human. We want to return him home tomorrow night, since we're too far from human territory to make the trip tonight. I tried calling Liz, but she didn't answer. Could you pass it along and tell her to call us back?"

After a moment, it sinks in: Kane is saving a human. For a moment, Jim feels a pang of jealousy. Where was this Kane, the kind one who saves humans instead of hurting them, when he was young and vulnerable? Why couldn't he get the nice Kane?

He tries to shake the feeling away. "That's great, man. Thank you. Uh, she should be home in less than an hour, you could give her a call then. I'm... really glad you're doing this. Thank you."

"Of course. I'll try calling her again soon, then. I know it doesn't make up for what I did to you, but I want to try to be better."

"Yeah. Um, just, just be gentle with him, please," Jim says apprehensively.

"I will. No harm will come to him, and I'll return him home tomorrow night." Kane promises. The two say their goodbyes. "Liz is out hunting, Jim said she should be home soon. Sam, would you like to use the phone?"

"Yes," says Sam desperately. "Yes, please."

He dials with a shaking hand, apparently his mother by the sound of it, and tells her what's happened in between bouts of choked crying. The act of reassuring her that he's going to get home soon seems to make it sink in for him, too. He hands the phone back and sits on the couch, making liberal use of the tissues offered to him. The cat eventually hops up and sits on his lap.

"I suppose this must seem terribly unfair to the humans we didn't rescue," says Valen. "Although, I suppose it matters a bit less to the ones who already have enough brain damage to not be aware of what's happening to them."

Sam remains silent, hunkering against the armrest of the couch.

"It's not like we can buy all of them," Kane points out. "At least we're helping one person.”

Valen still looks doubtful. He’s always been the kind of person to be unable to see the trees for the forest. He’d often gotten lost in the mires of thinking What’s the point in helping one if we can’t help them all? The simplicity with which Kane approaches the problem grounds him a little. And maybe now that they’re free and can worry about things other than themselves, they can think about how to help on a systemic scale.

…After getting Sam home safely.

Kane does try calling Liz again a little later, explaining the situation again. Liz jumps on the opportunity to help, agreeing to meet them as soon as they can get to the border tomorrow night. She asks to talk to Sam, and Kane hands him the phone.

"Hey. I'm Liz, I'm a hunter, and I'm going to come get you. It's gonna be okay. Just hold out there a little longer, yeah? You're gonna be fine," she assures him.

"Thank you," says Sam. "Thank you so, so much. Thank you. Please come get me. Please do. Please."

Valen holds his hand out for the phone. "Liz, thank you for your assistance. Um, this human is anemic. Is there anything else we need to do for him? We let him pick out his own foods. I learned about this in theory, but that was decades ago. It's difficult to remember."

"Fuck, I dunno. Don’t make him exercise too hard? That's, like, the only thing I know about it," Liz says. "Have you asked him?"

"Oh, well if you don't have any experience with it, then we can just ask him for more details. We have to wait until tomorrow night to go out again and I wanted to make him comfortable." Technically Valen could put on his daywalker outfit again, but...he'd rather not, so he doesn't mention it. "I just thought you might have some tidbits and save Sam the trouble of having to explain it all to us. We let him use the phone to call his family. Thank you for the help--I think, I think I might faint if I had to go into human territory again, but I would hate to drop him off and make him walk the rest of the way."

"I can handle it. It's okay," Kane tells Valen. He's also terrified to go back to human territory to hand Sam over to Liz, but he knows he needs to do this. He has to be strong, for Valen. 

"We can go to the border together," says Valen. "I don't want you going near there by yourself. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you," Kane agrees, incredibly relieved. "I'm... really glad to not have to go back there alone."

Liz bids them goodbye once everything's in order. Now, they just have to wait. Kane supposes that Sam can take the couch.

Valen thinks the same thing. "Sam, is the food you have now sufficient? And do you want to take a shower or anything? Do you want to go to sleep on the couch? We can give you a blanket."

Sam explains to them that the food he has now is fine and he should be okay until tomorrow, and accepts all the amenities offered to him.

Valen gives him time alone in the bathroom. While they wait, Valen lies down on the floor in front of the cat, who is pretending not to see him. "I suppose I have to name this cat now anyway."

"Yes." Kane agrees, going to pet her. "I've never had a pet before, I'm actually quite excited. I know you used to have another cat."

"You haven't?" says Valen. "That's so sad. Were you just not that interested in animals?"

"I wasn't. I think... it may have helped, if I'd had a pet. I regret it now. I suppose it's never too late to start." Kane scritches behind her ears. The cat soaks in the attention and starts purring.

"It makes me sad to think about how miserable and lonely you must have been for so long," says Valen. "I know it's not a justification for the way you acted, but it's really not hard to imagine why you behaved the way you did when you were treated like that." Valen knows Kane had been a monster, but...so were half the vampires walking around in public. It was harder to not be a monster here. If he was anyone else, Valen probably wouldn't feel bad for him, knowing it was partially a hell of his own creation, but this is his Kane, and it's so sad imagining Kane being alone and unloved, without even the comfort of an animal to fend off his depression.

"No, that's..." Kane lowers his voice, mindful of the nearby terrified human. "No one else was beating their humans. I had… anger issues, and I took it out on him. I didn't realize that until later. I may have captured him to please my family, but everything after that was all me. I wish I could just..." He sighs. There's nothing he can do to take back what he's done. "At least we're helping Sam, and Jim is safe now."

"I suppose so." Valen had a bad habit of making excuses for people, trying to be a little bit too understanding. That's probably what kept him from realizing how awful Priscus was for the longest time. The way Kane pushes back and takes responsibility is refreshing. "What's done is done. And now we only have to worry about treating the cat well." He rubs under the cat's chin, feeling the purr. "I want to name her Snowball, but that feels incredibly uninspired."

"Too late. The second it left your mouth, it became official," Kane says with a smirk. "Hello, Snowball," he coos.

Valen smiles. The cat seems to enjoy the attention, and Valen can't be happier sitting here next to Kane with the cat Priscus had tried to use to manipulate him.

When Sam is done in the bathroom, Valen gets him a blanket and a pillow and sets him up on the couch. "If you need anything, you can come wake me up," he offers. "As soon as the sun sets, we'll get you home."

Sam huddles under the blanket. "Th-thank you."

The next evening, Kane battles nerves as they prepare to meet Liz at the border. Going back to human territory. He shivers at the thought. He packs up any uneaten human food he'd bought for Sam for him to take home with him. "If, if we run into any hunters who aren't Liz, you'll vouch for us, right?" he asks Sam anxiously. "Please. We can't go back to- to that."

Sam looks like a deer in the headlights upon hearing this request. "Uh..."

"He just means you'll, you'll tell them we're letting you go, right?" says Valen. "We're had...bad experiences with vampire hunters in the past, and we don't want any violence. That's all."

Sam looks between them, then nods fearfully.

Valen is about to offer to drive them there, before he remembers the sad fate of his car, sitting tireless deep in human territory. He'll have to get a new one. If they want to drive, Kane will have to do it.

Kane has not yet gotten around to purchasing a new car, but he opts to rent one. He figures driving might be more comfortable for everyone, particularly Sam, and that's faster. He goes out at sunset for one, and comes back shortly after.

"Next stop, human territory." he announces, trying to keep the mood light despite how deathly afraid he is.

Valen also has to suppress his fear. The resulting two vampires that look artificially happy unsettles Sam a little, but he starts getting more at ease the closer they get to the border.

It gets harder for Valen to remain calm when they come into sight of the signs marking the border with huge skulls on them, but he's relieved to see Liz parked. "Oh there she is, dear, over there." Please God please I don't want anyone else to see us here just take the human and leave so we can bolt.

Kane drives over to Liz and rolls down his window. "Hello, ma’a- Liz."

"Long time no see," Liz jokes. She peers into the car. "You must be Sam. It's okay, you're safe now. I'm gonna get you home."

Sam bolts out and into Liz's truck, not even closing the door to Kane's car or saying goodbye, keeping his little bundle of food in his lap and hunkering down in the back seat.

"There aren't any other hunters near, are there?" says Valen. "I doubt they would follow us over the border, but..."

"Nah, you're good. I even let my branch know what was going on to make sure you wouldn't run into trouble. You can relax," Liz assures him.

Kane does the opposite of relax. So many hunters know they're here. They need to get out of here. "W-well, we should probably be going. Thank you."

"Yeah, gotta get him home," Liz agrees. She gives Valen a friendly wave goodbye.

"Thank you, Liz!" says Valen. "Good luck, Sam! Stay safe!" 

Sam does not respond.

As soon as they leave, Valen taps Kane's shoulder with increasing urgency. "Go. Go go go go go. Speed." If they crash, there's no human in the car anymore to get hurt.

And....he wants to get home to see his cat again.

"Yes. On it." Kane floors it, and the speed does not decrease until they get back to civilization.

***

When they get back home, Bellamy's voice is coming through the answering machine: "-and I'm quite worried by now, honestly, I'm aware this is my seventh call tonight and it makes me appear a lunatic, but please call me back, my dear. As I've said previously, my number-"

Kane runs to the phone and takes it off the hook. "Bellamy?"

"...Kane?"

"It's really good to hear your voice again." Kane says softly. "You got my letter?"

“I did,” Bellamy affirms.

Neither of them quite know what to say for a moment.

Kane breaks the silence, smiling at Valen. “We have a cat now. Do you want to…come over and pet her?”

･ﾟ:* THE END *:･ﾟ

***

K&J x MMSS crossover taglist:

@barebarb

@cc1010foxy

@emcscared-whumps

@hurtpluscomfort

@melancholy-in-the-morning

@pigeonwhumps

@secretwhumplair

@some-thrilling-heroics

@t0rture-me

@thecyrulik

@thejinglingcourtjester

@vehan-tikkun-olam-and-stuff

@whuarri

@whump-cravings

@whump-my-heart-away

@whumpycries

@wolfeyedwitch

@whump-addict

@why-not-ask-me-a-better-question

[hangmansgbaby]

Meet the Family | 2

Summary: Bradley is nervous about bringing y/n home for the holidays. Not because of his family but because her twin brother, Hangman, is tagging along and he's not sure if this was a good idea anymore. Especially with the big plans he already has.

Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x reader, Jake Seresin x TwinSister!Reader

Warnings: angst(?), death, I had feels while writing this so all the feels???

Note: this takes place in a universe where Goose got nothing more than a serious concussion from the accident.

Word count: 6.3k

Masterlist

"Jake! Lets go!" Y/n shouts into her shared apartment with her brother.

"Why do I have to come with? Couldn't I just go ahead to mom's and you can meet me there, without the chicken?" Jake groans, trudging down the stairs.

"No because Carole invited you and you already agreed." Y/n sighs, her car keys jingle as she drops her hands to her sides. "And can you please play nice with Bradley this weekend? I really don't want to drag any of y'alls bs arguments to mama's next week."

"Explain to me why were not spending Christmas on the ranch?" Jake asks, grabbing his Stetson hat from its hook.

"Cause Bradley came with us to Mama's for thanksgiving. You're the one who agreed to coming to the Bradshaw's for Christmas before heading down south for new years." Y/n's southern accent lays out stronger as she straightens her own stetson. "If we don't leave now Carole is gonna be pissed that were late. You do not want to be on her bad side."

"Ahhhhh there she is!" Carole screams running out to meet y/n and Jake outside.

"Hi Carole." Y/n laughs as her boyfriend's mom hugs her tightly.

"Jake, I'm so glad you could join us."

"Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Bradshaw." Jake smiles, tipping his hat.

"Please, call me Carole. Well come on in, I'm just finishing up dinner, the boys should be out back."

"Carole! You didn't have to cook all of this! You would've helped if you had called me."

"Nonsense! Besides Penny came to help." Carole says, leading them into the house. "Jake, would you like a beer?" Carole asks, pouring a glass of wine for y/n, as she always does when she comes over.

"Please, if you don't mind."

"Here you are Hangman." Penny says as she sets the bottle on the counter in front of him.

"Thanks Pen."

"Hey, theres my girl!" Y/n turns around to see Bradley walking inside, his father and uncle following behind him.

"Hey darling." Y/n kisses Bradley. "Did you have fun yesterday?"

Bradley had gone golfing with his father and Maverick, their yearly day before Christmas eve tradition when everyone was around.

"I did, I missed you though." Bradley chuckles, pulling y/n into a deeper kiss only being interrupted by Jake coughing loudly.

"Look I get it, everyone is in love and stuff but I'm alone here so can we dial it back just a smidge?"

"Hey Bagman, you really think we'd leave you hanging?" Bradley laughs at his own sentence which makes Jake groan.

"Yea, why don't you go see your early Christmas present thats in the living room." Y/n smiles as Jake side eyes everyone as he walks past them.

Walking into the thoroughly decorated living room, he spots a singular box neatly wrapped under the tree. Jake cocks a brow at his sister who nods her head quickly, insisting on him opening it. Pulling off the wrapping there is nothing but a singular paper placed in the bottom on the box.

"Turn around :)"

Jake reads the paper and speaks as he turns. Standing behind him is non other than Charlotte James.

"Lottie?"

"Hey there stud." She smiles as Jake pulls her into a hug, lifting her off the ground.

"What are you doing here?"

"You seriously expected us to subject you to a house full of couples for 3 days and not bring Lottie out here for you?" Y/n chuckles.

"Besides, why wouldn't I want to spend Christmas with my favorite aviator?" Lottie laughs out as Jake pulls her into a kiss.

"Hey!" Y/n protests. "You met me first!"

"I love you too y/n/n." Lottie smiles at y/n, her arms still wrapped around Jake's neck, his around her waist.

"Oh just kiss already!" Carole cheers.

Jake laughs as he pulls Lottie back, firmly kissing her and everyone cheers.

"Alright y'all! Dinner is ready!"

"My love." Bradley bows, pulling out y/n's chair. She giggles as she sits down, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"So Lieutenant Seresin how was your test flight this morning?" Goose asks, looking towards Jake you was sat on the opposite side of Carole's seat.

"It went really well, Vice Admiral Bradshaw. I think were gonna hit our goal earlier than expected." Jake answers as Carole and Penny place the different dishes on the table.

"Hey, no work talk! This is a family holiday!" Carole states before turn around to grab the last of the food.

"I'm sorry honey." Goose apologizes. "So Y/n, how was the trip to Texas?"

"It was okay Mr. Bradshaw. Just the usual family holiday drama, but I think we still managed to have a good time. Right boys?" Bradley shakes his head in agreement but Jake stays quiet. "Jake?" Y/n looks across to her twin brother to see him staring at Lottie, who was having a conversation with Maverick. "Jacob!"

"Will you be my girlfriend?!"

Everyone freezes where they're at, Lottie slowly turning around, wide eyed at Jake.

"What?"

"I'm sorry but I couldn't hold it back anymore. I'm in love with you Lottie and I'm sorry it took me so long to say anything but I want to be with you. I don't want to keep having week long flings for the rest of our lives. So Charlotte Amelia James, will you officially be my girlfriend?"

"Yes!" Lottie shouts without any thinking. "Yes, yes yes!"

"Oh this is exciting!" Carole cheers sitting down at the table. "Goose and I are celebrating 40 years! Mav and Penny are getting married in a few months! Jake and Lottie are clearly overdue but finally together! And Bradley and y/n are still so madly in love!" She rattles off as Goose cuts the turkey. "Oh what could make this Christmas any better?!" She cheers.

"Well..." Bradley mumbles.

"Did you say something dear?"

"What? Oh nothing Mom, just clearing my throat."

"Okay," she holds a questioning look before turning to everyone else. "Lets eat!"

"Your mom's cooking is the best." Y/n sighs walking along the beach in Goose and Carole's backyard.

"Yea, its always the best part of being home." Bradley sighs, leading her along their walk.

"Darling?" Y/n pulls him to a stop, turning him to look at her. "Is everything alright?"

"Yea, I'm sorry baby, I'm just feeling a little exhausted." Bradley covers. In reality, he's just super anxious. He has everything planned out perfectly.

Carole's Christmas tradition is that stockings are the last opened in order of oldest to youngest. Perfect for Bradley, by a 5 minute difference, y/n was the youngest of everyone present since Penny's daughter Amelia ended up going to her dad's for the holidays. Buried at the bottom of y/n's stocking was a small velvet ring box, nestled inside is her grandmother's ring.

But Bradley was nervous about popping the question in front of everyone. He loves his family, and he loves her but what he wasn't sure about was if this is what she wanted too.

"Why don't we go back to the house and go to bed? From your descriptions of Christmas day, were going to need our rest." She laughs, pulling Bradley back towards the house.

"Yea... yea lets do that." He stumbles over he words, mindlessly following his girlfriend through the cool night.

"Good morning everyone!" Carole's excitement radiates through the living room where everyone sits, sleepily waiting for her. Y/n leans against the couch sitting on the floor with Bradley sitting right behind her on the couch, a cup of coffee rested in both if their hands. Jake and Lottie are cuddling on the couch next to Bradley. Pete and Penny are seated on the loveseat and Goose is perched in his recliner near the Christmas tree that is now surrounded with presents. "Merry Christmas." She kisses Goose and sits on the arm of his recliner.

"Merry Christmas, honey."

"Bradley, Jake, why don't you two hand out the presents?" Carole suggests.

"Sure mom." Bradley smiles, pressing a kiss to y/n's temple as he sets his coffee down, stepping over her to make his way to the tree.

It takes about 10 minutes for Bradley and Jake to distribute all the gifts accumulated by the 8 of them and by the looks of it, Carole went a little overboard with Jake, Lottie, Y/n and Bradley's gifts, their stacks being taller than anyone else. Y/n slides down to sit in the middle of the floor with Bradley, leaving Jake and Lottie with the couch.

"Alright kids, go for it." Carole claps as they all reach for their first gift, one at a tine reading who its from.

"Okay mine is from Penny!" Y/n smiles pulling the wrapping off to show off the y/n's favorite liquor resting inside the box. "Penny! Where did you get this?"

"I put in a special order just for you, I even have a few bottles on hand at the Hard Deck now." Penny smiles

"I love you so much right now!" Y/n sets the bottle to the side and starts tackling the mound of presents all from Carole.

"Alright. This one's from Mav." Bradley says, tearing the wrapping off he pulls out a pair of ray-ban aviator glasses the same time Y/n and Jake pull out theirs.

"No way, Mav, this is too much." Jake protests.

"Yea, Mav we can't accept these." Y/n pipes in.

"Yes you can!" Pete retorts. "Its actually from Goose, Ice, and Me. We got tired of watching y'all bust your cheep ones every other day."

"Thanks guys, I appreciate it." Bradley nods, setting them back in the box. Y/n and Jake mutter their thank you's, setting them to the side.

Lottie had opened a few gifts that y/n had helped Carole pick out. She even had a few from y/n and Bradley mixed in.

"Okay, Jake why don't you open that one." Y/n smiles. "And B that one right there is from me."

Jake opens his to find a personalized belt buckle with his call sign on it. "Holy shit y/n! How'd you know I was looking at something like this?"

"Coyote showed me. I had been freaking out trying to find you gift he decided to help me out." Y/n turns back to Bradley who opened his. Inside was a brand new watch.

"Baby..."

"Try it on! You had been complaining that yours was bugging out so I took the liberty of getting you a new one." Bradley places the clearly expensive watch on his wrist and smiles at y/n.

"I love you." He pulls y/n into kiss.

"I love you too but thats not your only surprise. Last one requires the bedroom." She whispers in his ear before pulling back to see his wide eyes.

Slowly all the presents dwindled down and Carole stood handing out the stockings.

"Alright Pete, you first."

"Wait Mav's actually the oldest here?" Jake laughs out.

"Thanks Carole." Pete grins ignoring the remarks from the younger pilots in the room.

"I guess old man was the perfect nickname." Y/n busts out laughing.

"Hey! Theres only like 16 days between me and Goose alright?" All of them laugh as he digs through the stocking, thanking Carole at the end as she hands Goose his. Stockings were always a practical gift that Carole did for everyone. Basic necessities that they would need on base or on deployments, plus a few treats so they always moved pretty quickly.

Bradley's hands were shacking as he flicked through his stocking. There were 2 people left before he would be on one knee in front of y/n, her brother, her best friend and his whole family.

"Bradley, dear are you okay?"

Shit, he thinks, mom's noticed now.

"Yea mom, I'm okay."

"You sure, darling? You want some water?" Y/n scoots over to sit directly next to him, rubbing his back.

"I'm okay, baby. Really." He musters a small smile which only slightly puts her mind at ease.

Lottie and Jake both opened theirs and it was finally time for y/n to open her's.

Bradley takes a deep breath when he sees her reach the bottom of the stocking.

"What is... Carole?" Carole just shrugs as y/n opens the small box when suddenly Bradley stands up, making her pause at the sudden movement. "Bradley?" She questions as he puts his hand out, she takes it and he pulls her up to stand.

"Y/n, baby, I love you."

"I love you too." She smiles as he takes the box from her.

"For the last year, I have gone in and out if every jewelry store in ever area I was stationed. Nothing ever seemed perfect enough to go to this perfect girl standing before me. I've been in love with you since that first day I saw you put Hangman in his place, all those years ago at the Academy and I fall more in love with you every single day." Bradley rambles out. "You are the perfect girl and you deserve the perfect ring. And when we were in Texas, the perfect ring was literally just handed to me." He pops open the box, getting down on one knee, y/n gasps at the sight of her grandmother's ring. "5 years 9 months and 8 days we've been together and I don't want that clock to stop ticking. I want to love you forever. So, y/n m/n "y/c/s" Seresin, will you marry me?"

Y/n glances over at everyone in the room. Her eyes resting on her brother, who, with tears in his eyes, nodded, giving his approval to his sister. She smiles, turning back to Bradley. "Yes. God, a million times yes!" Bradley slips the ring on her finger, standing and pulling her into a deep kiss as everyone cheers.

"I love you future Mrs. Bradshaw." He mumbles into the kiss.

"I love you Mr. Bradshaw."

Y/n paced back and forth in the small room. The last 11 months had led her to this one day. Her wedding day. The day she became Mrs. Y/n Seresin-Bradshaw. But as of right now, the pre-wedding jitters were really getting to her.

"Y/n, come on. You gotta take a deep breath." Cass says from the couch y/n's bridesmaids sat at. Cass, Lottie, Phoenix, and Amelia are all seated watching y/n's movements.

"She's gonna wear a hole in the floor." Amelia mutters.

"Lottie, where's Jake?" Cass asks.

"I don't know, I haven't see any of the boys."

"None of them?!" Y/n stops in her tracks. "You haven't see any of the boys?"

"I'm sure they're here. In fact, Amelia and I are going to make sure." Lottie comforts before dragging Amelia out of the room.

"Oh god! What if he got cold feet? What if he changed his mind?" Y/n starts pacing again. "What if he decided I wasn't what he wanted anymore?"

"Oh knock it off y/n. Rooster loves you! He's not going to leave you at the alter." Phoenix says.

"But..."

"No, no more. You need to calm down of you are going to send your self into a panic attack." Cass forces y/n to sit in a chair.

"Hey, y'all ready?" Jake questions walking in. "We gotta... holy shit." He pauses at the sight of his sister. Her white dress flowing perfectly, hair curled into the perfect half up half down hairstyle, her veil pinned delicately into her hair. "Wow sis, you look... you look amazing." He chokes out.

"Oh Jake, please don't cry. You're gonna make me cry." Y/n smiles, walking over to her brother.

"I'm sorry. I just... I can't believe you're about to get married." Jake wipes his eyes.

"He is here, right? I'm not about to walk out to a shit show."

"Oh he's out there and I'm gonna make sure someone gets Rooster crying like a baby when he sees you." Jake days making y/n laugh. "There's that smile."

"Thank you, Jake. For everything."

"Yea yea. Come on, lets get you married."

The instrumental version of "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts echos around the open area as one by one the the wedding party walks in. Because there were no young kids in their family, they had to settle for their friends being everything. Payback and Fanboy took seriously to being ring security, Amelia the flower girl. Tyler and Lottie walk together first. Followed by Nat and Coyote. Last were the Maid of Honor and Best Man, Cass and Bob. Finally with a swell in the music Y/n appeared in Bradley's eyesight, crying at the sight of the love of his life.

Her dress flowed perfectly around her, leaving plenty to Bradley's imagination. He spots Jake's smug grin, knowing he had a bet over him crying. After what felt like an eternity to them, Jake and y/n finally reach the end of the aisle.

"Take care of her, or I'll be your worst nightmare." Jake threatens, still smiling.

"I will, man. Thank you." Bradley slaps his shoulder before turning to y/n, their hands interlocked as the officiant, who just so happened to be Maverick, speaks.

If you had asked either one what was being said, they wouldn't be able to answer. Too lost in each others eyes, only straying from each other's gaze at the sound of laughter.

"Bradley, your vows?"

"Oh right." He stumbles a but searching his pockets. "I uhh... okay, I guess I'm gonna wing it." He whispers, causing y/n to laugh. "Y/n, y/c/s, I love you. You never cease to amaze me on a daily and make me fall more in love with you everyday. You are incredible, creative, loving, fun, and one of a kind. You are probably one of the best pilots I have ever met, no offense to everyone in this room." Everyone laughs, 25% of the room being Naval Aviators as well. "You are everything I could have ever wanted in a friend, a girlfriend, and now a wife. You are everything to me and always will be."

Y/n takes a deep breath. "Bradley, darling, my Rooster. You are something else." Everyone laughs as he lets out an exasperated sigh. "You stress me out when your in the air, when he make snarky comments at my brother, and even you stand up to superior officers. But I wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone in the world. You've taught me how to be peaceful amidst my chaotic life. You've been a dream as a friend and boyfriend and I cannot wait to see what more you could possibly do for me as a husband."

"May we have the rings?" Payback brings the bands up to them and both take the opposites band. Repeating what Pete recites, they each place the band on their ring fingers.

"By the power vested in me, by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Bradley, you may now kiss the bride."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Bradley pulls y/n close by her hips and turns her into a dip, planting a firm kiss to her lips.

"I love you, Mr. Bradshaw." She mumbles into the kiss.

"I love you, Mrs. Seresin-Bradshaw." He pulls her back up, planting another kiss. "Even if you did hyphenate your name." Y/n laughs at Bradley's comeback.

"If everyone could please direct their attention to the dance floor, it is now time for the newlyweds first dance."

"Speechless" by Dan & Shay begins playing through the speakers. Y/n had slowly gotten into Bradley into country music and he had even insisted on this song for their first dance, claiming it as one of their songs. They danced together like there was no one in the room, loving every moment. When the song ended, they made their way to the head table sitting in the middle of their wedding party.

"Can I have everyone's attention please." Bradley says, standing with a microphone. "On behalf of y/n and myself, I'd like to thank everyone for joining us today. It means the world to us that so many people care about us and were able to join us in celebrating this special day. Each and every person in this room has played a special part in our relationship, whether is was as a supportive friend, parents who convinced one, mainly me, to go after the other, or banned us from dating which only drove us together." Bradley says, looking directly at Jake. "We love each and everyone if you and are so thankful you are here today."

Dinner was served shortly after and soon began the wedding party speeches.

"Hey everyone, I'm Cass, y/n's childhood best friend. I remember the day she called me about Bradley. It was her freshman year at the Academy and her words were, and I quote, 'there is this really hot junior who is like the best at everything!' She gushed about him every time we talked and you could tell from day one she was in love." Y/n's face was flushed red as she hit her face. "Well Y/n, I told you then and I 'll tell you now, he really really, likes you back. To the happy couple." She cheers as every claps.

Bob is the next up, being the best man and all. "Hey everyone, I'm Bob. I met y/n and rooster during a detachment a year and a half ago. You could tell every time they looked at each other that they were in love. Just the way their eyes brightened whenever the other walked into a room. I didn't have the please of seeing their relationship grew from the beginning but I'm glad I get to see them through the beginning of their marriage and whatever comes next for them. To Bradley and y/n."

"Alright, time for best speech everyone, so kick back, relax, and be prepared with tissues." Jake says, taking the microphone from Bob. "I am the older and better looking twin, Jake. I remember growing up y/n always talked about finding her prince charming, he'd be tall, handsome, treat her right, and love her unconditionally. I told her she was delusional, that no guy could be all 4. Well y/n, you did it, you found your prince charming and I am so happy for you." Y/n smiles, tears welling up in her eyes. "Rooster, you are many things, and I could go on and list them, but right now the only thing that matters is that you're the one for my sister and I couldn't ask for anyone better to be with my sister." He toasts to them before making his way to his table, stopping to plant a kiss on his sister's temple. "Love ya sis."

"I love you too." She smiles as a few tears escape, holding her brother in a hug.

"Alright, time for the parents dances, starting with the bride. Joining her in the dance floor will be her brother."

"Brother" by Kodaline plays as Jake leads y/n to the dance floor.

"Thank you, Jakes."

"For what?" He asks, twirling her.

"Everything." She smiles. "Being there when Dad wasn't."

"Hey, I'm always going to be there for you." Jake holds his sister close, in a hug as the song ends.

Bradley leads his mother to the dance floor. "You'll be in my Heart" from Tarzan plays as they dance. Y/n looks on from the table, smiling at the sweet moment between mother and son. She could tell Carole was singing to words to Bradley, just as she did when he was growing up.

Moments after the end if their song, y/n finds herself sat in a chair in the middle of the room. "Danger zone" booming through the speakers and Bradley comes strolling up with his aviators and his green flight suit on, all of his groomsmen and friends standing behind him, aviators on too.

Y/n laughs as Bradley tries to mimic a flight pattern, dropping to his knees in front of his wife. He smiles, pulling his aviators off to hang on the collar of his under shirt before running his hands down y/n's legs over over her dress until he reaches the hem.

He reaches under the skirt, resting his on her ankles, sliding up her legs, she he reaches her knees, he lifts the skirt over his head. His hands slide further up her legs, resting at the tip of her thighs. He plants small open moth kisses on her legs, leading to the garter. He smiles at the delicate lace, pinching the fabric between his teeth. He pulls the grater down her leg and over her foot, all of the men gathered behind Bradley cheering as he re surfaces from her dress. He stands, pulling the small fabric from his mouth, he plants kiss before turning back to his friends, launching the garter into the hair. The boys push each other around until finally someone gets a hold of it. Jake stands from the crowd, garter in hand, smiling. He looks over at Lotte who stands with y/n's bouquet in her hands, having caught it just before the garter toss. Bradley and y/n laugh as Jake's face pales, trying to shive the garter into someone else's hand.

3 years later

y/n sits on the porch swing. She gazes out on the front yard watching 2 year old Nicolas Bradley chase his nearly 1 year old twin siblings Jacob Dean and Carole Marie. She laughs as the twins scream, laughing at their older brother.

Bradley and Jake got sent out for deployment 6 months ago with no guarantee of when they will be home. So while the boys got to bod being bunked together on a boat, Lottie had taken up residence in Y/n and Bradley's guest bedroom to help y/n with the twins. Y/n pulling back from flights was overlooked for the deployment, thankfully. She stepped into an instructor role at Top Gun a month before they decided to start trying for Nick, allowing her to be home more with the kids.

"Y/n! Pizza should be here any minute!" Lottie calls through the open door.

"Alright kids! Time to come inside!" Y/n calls out, standing from the swing.

"But mama!"

"No buts! Time to get cleaned up for dinner before daddy and uncle Jake call us." That perks up Nick's attention. Nick sprints up to the door. This deployment was harder on their eldest son, who had just turned 2 right before they left, the twins only 5 months at the time. "Jace! Carrie! Come on loves!" They crawl their way up the steps of the porch, standing and slowing walking into the house. They took their first steps just over a month ago and have started babbling sentences since the deployment.

Y/n softly smiles every time the twins experience a first, making sure to record every moment and emailing them to Bradley. He's always so excited when he talks to the kids, trying to get the twins to show off their new skills live. He never says it but she can tell it pains him to miss these moments.

Hours pass and theres no word from Bradley or Jake. Its not long before its 45 minutes past the kids bed times and Nick's begging to stay up longer, hoping for the call.

"I'm sorry loves. How about I call Grandpa Goose in the morning and see if you guys can have another sleepover?" Nick perks up at the thought, sprinting to his room. Lottie and Y/n lift the sleepy twins, carrying them to their shared room. Y/n walks across the hall first, tucking Nick into bed. "Good night." She kisses his forehead head as he mumbles in his sleep.

"I'm sorry they didn't call." Lottie says, both closing the children's doors at the same time.

"Probably just didn't get service in time." Y/n brushes her anxiety off. Bradley never missed a chance to call. And the one time he does? The thoughts don't settle well in her.

True to her word, she called Goose and Carole asking them to watch a kids for the weekend, which they gladly accepted, always loving a chance to be with their grandkids.

Y/n paced the living room after the kids left. Still not a word from Bradley, or Jake. Even Goose hadn't heard from his son or Mav.

"Y/n you're going to pace a hole into the floor."

"What if something's wrong? What if something happened? If Admiral cant get answers, it can't be a good thing." Y/n says.

"I'm sure everything is fine. Can you sit down please?" Y/n sighs, sitting in the armchair to the left of the couch, Bradley's chair. Lottie tries to distract her with a movie but y/n just stares at the door, her phone clutched in her hand, and the pillow from the chair being hugged by her. It feels as if hours have passed but it's only been minutes for y/n. Her mind races over every possibility. She had been feeling off since yesterday, like her sixth sense had just been going off and she didn't like it.

Her thoughts are cut off by the doorbell ringing and she freezes, making no movement to go answer the door as Lottie pauses the movie walking over to answer the door.

"Good afternoon Miss James." Y/n hears the familiar voices but their tones keep her from running over.

"Is Lieutenant Commander Seresin-Bradshaw home?" The other voice asks, neither being the voice of her husband or brother.

"Y/n," Lottie mutters out, stepping away from the door. Y/n slowly rises, walking towards the door.

"Please confirm your identity." Mav states, following standard protocol when y/n, opens the door fully. Maverick and Phoenix stand in her doorway in their service dress uniforms.

"Lieutenant Commander Y/n Seresin-Bradshaw."

"Lieutenant Commander, this is Lieutenant Trace, and I am Captain Mitchell-"

"I know who you are, Captain." She interrupts, remaining respectful despite the circumstances. "Just say it."

"On behalf of Fleet Commander Admiral Beau Simpson and the department of the Navy, we regret to inform you that Lieutenant Commander Jacob Seresin was killed in action on the first of October 2024. The Navy extends their deepest condolences to you and your family."

Y/n doesn't move, staring blankly at Mav. She can hear Lottie's gasps at the news, knowing that her best friend is breaking down behind her but y/n couldn't move. Her brother, her twin brother, her best friend above Lottie, was gone. But she can't focus on it for long.

"And... and Brad-"

"I'm right here, baby." Bradley comes barreling through, not able to stand back anymore. He pulls y/n into a hug as she finally lets all of her emotions out. Her cries fall through like screams just as they had 4 years ago on the look out. The couple drops to the ground as y/n's knee's give out, Bradley's own injuries making it difficult to hold her up but his embrace never loosens as she cries. "It's okay baby. I'm right here. Let it all out."

They didn't move for at least 30 minutes as y/n cried. Phoenix had come in and was comforting Lottie.

Lottie. Y/n had completely spaced on her best friend. Her brother's girlfriend who was definitely hurting just as much as she was. She quickly got up, walking over to over to the couch where Phoenix had placed Lottie. Bradley had given a curious look at y/n's suddenly calm demeanor moving to sit in his chair.

"Lottie." Y/n mumbles as she sits on the coffee table in front of her. Lottie had long since stopped crying, just staring blankly at her hands in her lap.

"He's gone," is all she says. "He's really gone."

"I know."

"You know we talked about getting married. Right before he left." Y/n's eyes drop. She did know, she had the ring hidden in her desk drawer upstairs. "He said when he came home, the first thing he was doing was proposing. And now," she sniffs, the tears slowly coming back. "Now we'll never get that."

"B, what happened?" Y/n looks over at her husband. He refuses to meet her gaze. How do you tell your wife, that her brother is dead, giving up his future with the love of his life, because he was saving her husband's life?

"He uh-" Bradley feels like his head is going to explode. His entire body hurts, his injuries are aching and his head is pounding. "We were in the middle of a dog fight. I hadn't seen the incoming missile and he came from above and-" he pauses, every feeling he had been avoiding come bubbling up. "He saved my life using the last round of flares he had. He barely the second missile coming his way." Bradley get quiet the more he talks, tears welling in his eyes.

Phoenix notices and takes over. "He ejected just in time but he hit his head on the canopy."

Y/n gasps looking over at her husband. She heard the stories about Goose's accident and couldn't believe Bradley was holding up so well before, knowing that they lost Jake the way they almost lost his father 40 years ago.

"Darling..."

"Its all my fault." Bradley cracks, everything hitting him all at one.

"No, darling, its not your fault." Y/n moves over to her husband, her hands resting on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. "You did everything you were supposed to do, so did Jake. Hell," she laughs slightly shocking everyone in the room. "For the second time in his life, Hangman didn't leave his wingman hanging." She starts laughing, dropping to her knees before Bradley. Lottie starts giggling at the thought from her seat.

"Asshole." Lottie lets out, laughing harder.

Mav had finally come inside, Bradley and Jake's bags in hand. His eyes widen at the two girls laughing uncontrollably. He shoots Phoenix a questioning look and she just shrugs, just as confused and she witnessed everything.

"Such an asshole," y/n laughs, holding onto Bradley's knees as she doubles over laughing.

"Mama! Mama! Guess wh—" y/n looks up at Bradley at the sound of her sons voice. "Daddy!"

"Hey buddy!" Bradley stands up, meeting his son halfway, lifting him with groan at the pain in his side. "Where's your brother and sister?"

"Right here." Carole chuckled, little Jacob in her arms, Goose close behind with Carrie.

"Hi mom, dad!" Bradley smiles taking Carrie from his father, giving him a big hug.

"Woah, where's this coming from?" Goose questions, hugging his only child.

"Just glad to see you, Dad." Bradley smiles softly pulling back, his attention immediately going to his daughter, making her giggle.

Carole sets Jace down who immediately runs to his mother, being the perfect little mama's boy that both of her sons became.

"Where's Uncle Jake?" Nick asks. Everyones eyes soften at his innocence. Bradley walks over kneeling down by y/n, Carrie sat in his lap, Jace joining her.

"Sweetheart, you know how we said that sometimes, when people go out to be heroes, well, sometimes things don't go as planned and we lose people we love?" Y/n asks her son. They've had the talk about people dying. The first time was when a few of y/n's friends didn't come back from her last mission. Friends that were big in Nick's life, just like Jake was.

The 2 and a half year old nods, most likely not entirely understanding what she was explaining to him. Y/n struggles to continue, wishing she wasn't having to explain this to him.

"Well buddy, your Uncle Jake was a hero. Probably the bravest your mommy and I have ever seen."

"You're a hero too daddy!" Nick laughs.

"Yea, but nothing like your uncle." Bradley chuckles softly. "Nick, your uncle saved my life, so I could come home."

"But he's coming home too right? He always comes back with you."

"Not this time buddy. No this time he's not coming home."

"Oh." Nick answers. Everyone knew he didn't quite understand, he probably wouldn't for a few years.

The day's leading up to the funeral were hell for the Bradshaw household. Cyclone had made sure to give everyone 2 weeks of leave, a week before and a week after the funeral. Y/n struggled with keeping from working, it being the only thing that kept her from crying every five minutes. The pit in her stomach hadn't gone away since the day she found out and she needed the distraction, locking herself away in her home office all day, working on all the flight patterns the other instructors would need. It kept her busy but it worried Bradley.

He could hear her frustrated sighs each day from behind her locked door. Her quiet cries from the bathroom that weren't so quiet against the stream of water from the shower. Bradley knew it was different type if loss between them. He lost a friend, a coworker, a wingman. She lost her twin, the person she would always have the closest connection with no matter how much she hated it.

Bradley's thoughts are dragged from his wife to the ring of the doorbell. Cursing under his breath because of his napping children he makes his way to the door seeing the last person he expected at his door.

"Where are my grandbabies?"

[phantomram-b00]

I know I’ve been on a good omens brainrot. But I want to stop and talking about something, some movie as it been exactly this day (edit: yesterday, I meant to post this yesterday but it got hectic and I couldn’t finished until 12. So my bad, I tried. That and the wifi is shit, so forgive me) (at least released on Netflix). But it just not some movie, you might know it, you might not that’s okay because I would like to talk about…..*drum rolls*

Now for those who don’t know and without spoiling too much as I recommend this movie, it follows Kat Elliot a black teenage girl who’ve gone through a traumatic event of her parent’s death and have two demons, Wendell and Wild, who have their own agenda of opening a theme park for the souls. Can’t stress this enough that this movie is worth the watch. Please go watch before going to see this post as I will be discussing the movie, spoiler warning ahead 🤭 unless if you wanna get spoil then, that’s on you, who am I to tell you what to do am I right? With that being said let get into this

(Disclaimer: Now, I am planning a drawing for it so stay tone for that. But I couldn’t finish in time due to being on vacation but it will be done! ^v^ now onto the post.)

Honestly, this is my second stop motion picture movie since coraline, who funfact Henry Selick directed. He also directed Wendell and Wild and was produced by Jordan Peele who also stars as Wild himself with his friend Keegan-Michael Key who plays Wendell; honestly to see these two play the demon bring be back to Key and Peele show they did, always happy to see them together and be chaotic duos. But I do wanna give honor to Jordan Peele as imo, his movies have been phenomenal between Get out, Nope, Us, and now Wendell and Wild (granted produced but he did have control), I can’t wait to see what else he got in plan. I think what make me appreciate his directing/producing is how he can say and I quote in this news article,

“I feel fortunate to be in this position where I can say to Universal, ‘I want to make a 20$ million horror movie with a black family’ and they say yes” - Jordan Peele (2019)

And frankly, I’m happy representation is happening, (I’m not black, I’m only Puerto Rican, but to have poc representation make me happy! but also that, imma say this, representation do matter. You (and I’m talking to the non-poc/white) might not think it not a big deal, but trust me, it is matter and it is important. And it should. And I’m happy Jordan Peele for example here is able to diverse the cast, and like he said, “not that I don’t like white dudes but I’ve seen that movie.” I’ll dive deep soon so remember this.) and I hope they keep going with representation.

Henry Selick, he’s responsible for Coraline, Nightmare before Christmas and more! And to see another Henry Selick movie, I had a feeling with a help of Jordan Peele that I was going to love it. And I did! I’m excited to see whatever he come up with next, though if it another stop motion, which I love stop motion animation as much as a next person, however, do you know how long these shit takes? Like I gotta give them prop for the dedication! But I don’t know how you get patience for stop motion- but back to Henry, he responsible for my love for Coraline and nightmare before Christmas, and I gotta give him and Jordan Peele props and credit, and also to thank them for making this movie!

Now the casting, honestly the casting imo was fantastic, Lyric Ross was excellent as Kat Elliot, both when Kat is a no nonsense headstrong character to when she is actively grieving of the death of her parents as she grows from her trauma. Very much Phenomenal work and her chemistry with Wendell and Wild is what make it much cool as well as her chemistry with Raul (Sam Zelaya), Siobhan (Tamara Smart) and even Sister Helley (Angels Bassett herself!). I feel the casting was phenomenal and was well-casted I don’t think I had a moment where I think “oh this person could’ve been better” or “wow they bad”, nope I don’t think I have a complaint. Oh and Father level bests (James Hong) was just the right amount of a comedic antagonist next to Siobhan’s parent, his delivery was comedic and also a right amount of asshole. They all ate, and it was worth it for the cast!

The story! While I do think the pacing could’ve been better to flow better and also other qualms, but I won’t say that what toke me away, as I really like the story, I like how while yes the title and that it is about two demons, but I do like how we get to see Kat’s story and how she grows. As Jordan Peele mentions in again this article, the demon represent her personal demons with both her guilt and anger, and how she can overcome and wear your fears in a sense as well as dealing with her being a hell maiden. This was done well, and I like how it was done, sure was it a messy landing but it landed and it did well. Learning to overcome your demons is a challenge, hell I’m still trying to overcome them as I go and I’m twenty one, but as Kat shown, we can overcome our demons, and learn to carry on. And now as we saw at the end, she while she still grieve her parents, she learns that she not or never will be alone as she now surrounded by people who care and who won’t hurt her like the people in her past. Even accepting her two person demons, and being a hell maiden (which I will say, I think the demons can also represent how you handle them, like helley bottling up her demon can be a commentary on bottling up your problems rather than facing them. And seeing the amount that was there she had the bottle it up alot, which I can relate and I feel it was done well as well.) if they ever do a sequel, I would be here for it, i doubt their might because 1) stop motion takes such a long time. 2) the advertisement for this movie was done dirty. But if they did, I will be here for it and can’t wait to see what they do.

And finally the representation, honestly the presentation and the diversity of this movie was amazing. My eyes widen seeing just how diverse it, something I wish I had growing up as stated by Peele, I’ve already seen movies where predominantly of the cast was white, and (and this isn’t me saying “I hate white people” let me put this out there) I’m tired of seeing an all or almost all white or cast, I think it been done so many time and also it feel tiring and disheartening not to be represented in a way or even if there was it done stereotypical. So seeing representation was wonderful between black/Asian/Latine/Latinx/indigenous representation to there being Trans and disability representation. I hope more representation keep happening and there is, very much so! And as I said and I will say again, representation matters! And this movie’s rep was done very well! Im sure I’m missing some (forgive me it been a while and I don’t have access to Netflix as of now. Please forgive me, if I miss any please let me know!)

Before I close this blog, I gotta say, the advertisement for this movie was done very dirty! Like i don’t know what it is, but I felt we hardly saw any promotional work for this movie, it the same thing that happen with Disney’s Strange world. If there was, I probably missed a lot because I felt there wasn’t much ads for this movie, and because of it, I felt it didn’t get the recognition it deserved. So if you made it this far whether you seen this movie or you haven’t to please go watch Wendell and Wild, I promise you will have a good time and a wonderful experience watching this movie. I can’t wait to show the drawing. And I just needed to talk about this, as it one of my favorite stop motion films, I can’t wait to see where Wendell and wild go, and hope we get more of it. Even if we do get a sequel, I hope we see more of hell maidens and of Kat’s journey with her demons and her friends. hope you enjoyed. Phantom. Out.

[janetbrown711]

A Sadness Runs Through Him

Pigsy confronts his feelings of guilt around his past, and more importantly, around Sandy-- though it takes a panic attack or two before he's really ready.

tw for PTSD, panic attacks, past murder, and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Ao3 Link

Moving.

A task universally hated by all those involved, especially if they happen to be of pig-demon descent and also run a noodle restaurant.

While the apartment came pre-furnished, Pigsy still had to think of a way to bring his own pots, pans, spices and everything else he knew either wouldn't be provided or wouldn't be how he liked it. And that meant planning.

And if Pigsy was bad at one thing, it was planning– the only reason he was good at planning out his restaurant was because his grandmother helped set up and regulate everything for the first two years. Even when she died, she left him a bunch of resources to help the transition.

He was grateful, but his grandmother couldn't help him now.

"Sir? I've been ringing this bell for five minutes!" A huffy woman clutched her purse and tapped her foot as Pigsy realized he had been spacing out again over his "moving plans" paper– which was blank, obviously.

“Sorry– what’s your order?” Pigsy asked, and the women huffed in content.

“She wants the Liangpi! I heard her while she was on the phone!” MK called from where he was mopping two feet away– Pigsy and the woman’s faces both instantly turned red.

“Kid– what did I tell you about yelling in the restaurant?” Pigsy glanced apologetically at the woman before looking at MK.

“...Don’t?” MK scratched his head.

“Yeah kid, don’t,” Pigsy sighed, punching in the order. “71.54 yuan.”

“You know you really shouldn’t have kids here if you can’t keep them or your restaurant in order,” She snipped as she handed him her credit card.

Pigsy didn’t have the energy for this.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he faked the biggest forced smile he could and handed her the receipt and card back with force.

She continued to mutter under her breath as she took a seat at a table, and Pigsy got to cooking again.

He was able to go into autopilot in an instant, so his mind naturally wandered to the subject of moving again.

It was so high up and there would be a good amount of boxes– Pigsy wanted to avoid going down to the lobby to gather his things as much as possible, but at the same time he really didn’t want to hire a moving team either since it wasn’t like it was too much– just– things. Nah– Pigsy could handle the stares, he was grown. It was fine, a-okay. Totally cool– like– uh– ice, ice cool?

Pigsy needed to stop letting the kids watch TV.

Pigsy got to slicing the beef for her dish before all he really had to do was wait, and so he went to rinse the knife in the sink, when suddenly a familiar green flash ran right past him– causing Pigsy to fall back and almost drop the knife.

“KID-!” He barked, but was ignored by the girl climbing onto the counter and leaning beyond the outdoor bar.

“Hi Mister Tang!!!” She called and waved excitedly, and Pigsy could hear his familiar laugh from a bit aways.

“Kid– get down from there– you nearly gave me a heart attack,” Pigsy took a deep breath and shook off the scare before going to rinse off that knife like he had meant to. Mei still didn’t listen, continuing to wave until Tang was at the outdoor bar.

“Hey kiddo, what’s up?” Tang said, stepping through the door, which was the key to finally getting Mei down from there.

"I helped Mr. Piggy make today's noodles," she beamed with pride and Tang gave the chef a surprised look.

“Did he now?” He asked Pigsy more than Mei.

“Kid was practically begging yesterday– ‘sides, she learns fast,” Pigsy informed, done with rinsing and returning the knife to its proper place and checking on how everything else was cooking.

“I did a really good job,” Mei informed the scholar who laughed fondly.

“I can’t wait to try them,” Tang smiled, opening his laptop as he did every day.

“Thanks! I’d help more, but Mr. Piggy here says that it’s ‘too dangerous’,” Mei shook her head and got out of the kitchen to sit next to the scholar.

“I’m not wrong,” Pigsy rolled his eyes a little.

Mei didn’t say anything, but the chef knew she was sticking out her tongue at him.

“Mr. Pigsy knows what he’s talking about, Mei,” Tang sympathized with the girl, who now flopped onto the bar dramatically.

After a bit though, Tang added with a whisper, “though he can be kinda mean about it, huh?”, which sent Mei into a giggling fit.

More looks from customers. Especially that one lady.

"Yeah, Mr. Piggy is kinda mean," The girl laughed a bit more.

Pigsy gripped his ladle tight and continued to stir.

After a deep breath, Pigsy was able to completely tune out his surroundings, moving like the well oiled machine he was. Add a little bit of ginger, slice some mushrooms, check the noodles, pour it in a bowl, add the garnish and voila.

“Order for Wu Lian,” the chef called out, ringing the bell and placing the bowl on the counter before going to start Tang’s dish next.

Everything went silent again, as he carefully chopped onions and added just the right amount of ginger to the pot and began to stir– which was when he realized the bell was ringing incessantly in the background, forcing Pigsy to snap himself out of this.

“Yes..?” He asked.

It was the lady again.

“I found a hair in my noodles,” The lady frowned and crossed her arms.

I…is she serious? Pigsy had nary a hair on his chinny chin chin since– ever really (except that one time he attempted a mustache in the military but he didn’t like to think about that).

“Y…you aren’t serious, are you ma’am?” Tang spoke up for Pigsy.

“Do I look like I’m joking here? This is serious stuff– my husband works in the Health Department and I could call him right now to inform all of your customers that this– this demon is trying to poison us!” She raised her voice to get the other customers' attention.

Pigsy thought of a reply– something huffy and quick– but when he tried to speak, his tongue was heavy and a strange sensation washed over him and he felt disconnected.

Tang must’ve noticed, because he continued to speak for him. “Yeah, sure, call him over– I’d love to see you try and explain how the hair from a bald pig demon got into your noodles.”

“Ha! I’m sure this place is a real pigsty back there– so either remake the noodles, or I’ll call,” She finished her sentence with a big phony smile.

Tang clearly ran out of ideas, and now all eyes were on the chef, who was still standing around, almost watching himself and waiting to see what he’d do as well.

“Get out.”

Looks like he was going authoritative.

Wu Lian gasped. “Well– I never– my husband will be here so fast– I will just–”

“Get. Out.”

The woman scoffed again. “You demons are all the same-! Oh just you wait– I will sue you so hard and then you’ll see– you’ll see,” she continued her proclamations as she walked outside.

“...Pigsy? Are you okay?” Tang asked.

Pigsy shook his head in an attempt to feel connected to himself again.

“I’m fine. Just thinking about moving and stuff,” He waved it off and went to make sure none of Tang’s food burned.

“That lady was very mean,” MK set down the mop against the bar and sat on one of the stools.

“She was,” Mei agreed, crossing her arms.

“She was– but what do you mean moving,” Tang briefly acknowledged the two of them before returning his focus to Pigsy.

“We’re moving into a big ole penthouse uptown,” Mei informed.

“Ooh, you found a place?” Tang asked.

“Yeah– I just gotta plan how to carry everything at once,” Pigsy huffed as he continued slicing green onions.

“I can totally help-! I-if you need it– What day would you be moving?” Tang immediately offered.

“Tomorrow!” MK said excitedly.

“Tomorrow?! Pigsy! Why didn’t you think to ask for help sooner?!” Tang sounded genuinely baffled, which was a little funny to the chef.

“Tang, it’s fine– like I said, I can manage,” Pigsy shook his head, adding the onions to the pot and stirring.

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you need to.”

Pigsy poured Tang’s noodles into a bowl, taking a deep breath before eventually nodding, going over to serve him as he said “Fine– fine, just… Yes, you can help.”

Tang smiled that stupid smile he always had, with its stupid little tilt before he grabbed chopsticks and began eating.

“I can show you how I fit under the sink!” MK pointed out, kicking his legs excitedly.

“Yeah! And I can show you the cool TV! And Mr. Piggy can show you his bedroom!”

Tang choked on his noodles and Pigsy felt his heart stop.

.o0o.

Yeah, the lady was totally bluffing about the phone call, no health inspector ever came, and even if they did Pigsy knew he’d pass.

The rest of the night had gone without a hitch, though Tang did have to leave earlier than usual, which meant it got quiet pretty quickly. The good part to that was that it meant Pigsy was comfortable with the idea of closing early for once in his life, and so they all got to bed at a not-so-shitty hour.

Pigsy still fucking despised his alarm’s painful tone the following morning, of course. Especially because it was set even earlier than average so Pigsy could go get the moving truck from the rental place– though not without waiting for Tang to arrive so he could watch over MK and Mei (which was something he realized he hadn’t quite thought about before).

Once that was settled, and Pigsy checked in with Tang to make sure the kids ate, they got to putting the dozen or so boxes into the truck downstairs and it was go time.

Now… let it be known that Pigsy was a law-abiding citizen most every single day. He understood and had great respect for the rules of the road.

However…

The truck only had two, maybe three seats if you think you can place someone in the middle.

And so Pigsy drove, Tang sat in shotgun, and MK and Mei… Well, MK’s skill of fitting under the pipes was put to use in the space under the glovebox, and Mei was managing fine in that “middle seat”.

Look– neither Pigsy nor Tang owned a car and calling a cab seemed like a dumb idea so— it’s what they had.

“We are so going to get pulled over,” Pigsy muttered to himself as he got onto the main road.

“It was your idea,” Tang said.

“Hey– that’s my face,” MK giggled from the floor of the vehicle.

“Sorry MK,” Tang apologized and readjusted himself.

“I know! I know! I just–” Pigsy sighed. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

Pigsy could feel the look Tang was giving him burning on his skin, but he kept on driving anyway.

Green Light.

“Pigsy–”

“I’m fine, Tang. You’re right. Sorry,” Pigsy shot. Tang raised his hands in his defense but didn’t say much so silence filled the truck momentarily.

This, however, was shattered instantly when Mei asked, “Mr. Piggy, what’s ‘booba’?”, which startled Pigsy so much it affected his steering.

“W-well, that’s– uh– hmm– that’s–” Pigsy tried to think of a response, but words were unable to form as his heart started to pound.

“It’s pronounced bow-ba, n-not… that way,” Tang touched Pigsy’s arm lightly while speaking to Mei. “And it’s a type of tea drink with tapioca pearls– it was big in the 90s, not so much right now.”

Green Light.

A car behind Pigsy honked at him for his sporadic driving and Pigsy wished he could give him a piece of his mind. The car gave him the opportunity as they switched lanes just to cut in front, to which Pigsy almost responded by flipping them off, but Tang put the hand down and gestured to Mei and MK with his head.

Yellow Light.

Pigsy sighed as he pumped the brakes to a halt, annoyed at both the difficulty of the action due to the truck’s age, and slightly annoyed Tang didn’t let him flip off the other driver. He was made even more annoyed though when the previously mentioned car made it past the intersection.And somehow even worse, another car behind him honked at him, and needless to say Pigsy was starting to feel his blood boil.

“Mr. Piggy, why are they honking at you?” MK asked from under the glovebox.

Pigsy rubbed his forehead as the car finally halted. It wasn’t like he was a piss poor driver, he just… hadn’t been on the road since– a while– but it was fine, everything was fine. If only he could actually fucking tell MK that, but whatever.

Tang took a glance at the mute chef and decided to handle that too. “Well, MK, some drivers are… mean.”

Mean.

Mei laughed, “Mr. Piggy’s mean too– maybe that’s why.”

Red light.

Blood instantly began pounding in Pigsy’s ears, his grip on the steering wheel causing his knuckles to turn white. Tang was saying something but Pigsy was just watching the light– the red one– the one on the right. He was going to drive straight ahead and he was in the front of his lane. He wasn’t going to be mean, he was going to be attentive and then everything would be fine and they’d all get there on time and they’d be all moved in and everything would just be so fucking fine.

Still red.

A hand attempted to touch his shoulder, which made Pigsy jump. Tang said something while Mei spoke even quieter behind him. Pigsy didn’t care– he was so fucking focused on driving. It didn’t matter that it felt like he’d walked up fifteen flights of stairs, Pigsy was doing what he was supposed to and he was doing it fine. He was fine, everything was so goddamn fine it was like they were at the apartment already. Sure he wasn’t nice, he was never nice. Who gives a shit if you reach your location anyways? He didn’t need to be loved. He didn’t even need to be liked. He was fine. This was fine. He deserved this anyways.

Green light.

Pigsy immediately began driving again, trying to stop his eyes from darting in every direction as hazards and sounds made themselves very present in his overstimulated ears. Especially the people in the car.The ones he was responsible for. The ones he wasn’t supposed to fail or let anything bad happen to. Was that a siren? Pigsy couldn’t think about that right now. Driving. Obeying the law to hide breaking it.

Green light.

Almost there now, just a few more blocks. Just don’t have a fucking heart attack and kill everyone in this vehicle because if you end up responsible for their deaths, you’ll never forgive yourself. What happened to Hai Xin is your fault. You remember how happy Sandy was. How in love he was. You remember your military friends too. Gone, shell of himself, gone, murdered, murdered, dead, dead, dead, dead, fucking dead.

“Pigsy–”

You didn’t go to court that day. You couldn’t stand looking at him. You still can’t. You broke him. You destroyed his life. You are beyond mean, you are cruel– violent– explosive– hideous– revolting–

“PIGSY– WATCH OUT–!”

The screeching of tires sent Pigsy out of his spiral as he slammed the brakes with full force, and the red light runner barely avoided a full-on collision. Everyone lurched forward, but Tang kept Mei from flying into the dash board. In a breath, Pigsy was able to pull off to the side, where he immediately parked, grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter in the cupholder, and got out of the car, ignoring Tang’s confused calls (not that he understood them anyways).

Pigsy walked.

He walked and walked and walked until he found himself a suitable bench by the–

Of course he was by the goddamn pier.

When Pigsy started to feel himself choke on the lump rapidly forming in his throat, he lit a cigarette and took a nice, long drag. His eyes tingled at the sensation as the usual sting filled his senses, but he was used to it. It was relaxing. Pigsy was relaxed right now. Especially with the ocean waves. Especially knowing Sandy probably doesn’t live too far from here– that he and–

Pigsy took another drag before he could think more. Again, calm washed over his body as the hot air flowed through him, giving him an addictive peace of mind.

“Pigsy? Pigsy, where are you?”

Tang was calling for him.

Pigsy didn’t care. He kept on inhaling the toxic fumes.

“Pigsy? P– Pigsy-!” Tang found him and immediately ran to the bench.

“Pigsy, A-are you okay? You were–”

“Fuck off, Tang,” Pigsy looked away from him, silencing Tang instantly.

“I… what?” The scholar stepped back. “Pigsy, what is going on? Why are you acting like this?”

Pigsy’s eyes were tired and sore as he unwillingly glanced at the ships on the docks, wondering if any of them belonged to Sandy or he managed to leave this shithole for good and leave him behind.

Another breath.

Tang sat down on the bench. “I… didn’t think you smoked.”

Exhale.

“Sometimes. What’s it matter to you?” Pigsy now looked at the ground, the brightness of the morning sun against the ocean waves hurting his eyes even more than the cigarette smoke.

“Pigsy,” Tang warned.

“What?” Pigsy grunted, still refusing to look at him.

“Pigsy– just– stop–! Stop acting like you don’t know that the kids and I care about you so just– tell me what’s wrong-! What happened back there? Please– I need answers– we need answers,” Tang grabbed his arm, and Pigsy finally looked at him.

…

Fear.

Tang had overwhelming fear in his eyes.

“I… I don’t know…” Pigsy was as honest as he could be, flicking his cigarette.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Tang asked, his voice low and soft. Pigsy shook his head, taking a drag.

“I don’t know, Tang. I just– I guess it started yesterday– I just– I keep losing control of myself– it’s like I’m just watching myself and feel like my hearts just all– tense and weird and shit and it’s all at the same time– I dunno,” Pigsy knew how stupid he sounded but it was the best he had.

“Oh, a panic attack,” Tang nodded to himself. “Is… that also what happened yesterday?”

“Yes? No? I don’t know, Tang,” Pigsy rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay,” His customer got a little closer to the chef and wrapped an arm around the bench, his hand slightly hovering over Pigsy’s back. “Do you know what might’ve triggered it?”

Pigsy shifted uncomfortably, taking a long drag as he tried to and then immediately tried to ignore the possibilities.

“Pigsy, you have to tell me so I can help– because I do know a little bit about these things and– yeah I’m no ‘expert’ or anything but– I want to help,” Tang pleaded with the pig again.

Pigsy leaned back, releasing smoke before he closed his eyes and sighed. “I… god, it sounds so stupid but– I think… If I had to guess, then it was when the kid said I was…mean,” Pigsy mumbled that last word, but Tang understood.

“What? But Mei didn’t–”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Pigsy turned to him sharply, smoke flaring out of his nose (which had the fun side effect of making the chef’s head spin).

“R-right– Sorry,” Tang quickly apologized. “I’m sorry she said that– and I’m sorry I encouraged it.”

“Sorry for snapping,” Pigsy sighed and went back to looking at the ocean. If it didn’t remind him of his crushing guilt, Pigsy would find it calming.

“If… you don’t mind me asking… Why does that upset you so much?” Tang looked at the ocean briefly too.

Pigsy’s cigarette was just about done, so he put it on the ground and smothered it with his foot before grabbing and lighting another, all while Tang watched on, his expression unreadable.

“Because it’s… You’re gonna deny it, but I know that I’m not exactly ‘nice’ and you are and it just– I try to convince myself I can do this but every time I hear something like that it just reminds me of how much of an asshole I am or have been– and then I think about when I was in the military– and then I think about Sandy a-and–” the lump in his throat returned, so Pigsy choked it with smoke.

“Oh– Sandy…” Tang nodded slowly. “You… never told me what the deal with him is.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“Right…” Tang took a deep breath, before clearing his throat a bit.

“Look,” he started. “You’ve already told me a lot today, and it’s not like I can force you to tell me anything anyways– just know that– yeah, it sounds really really stupid and obvious, but you shouldn’t keep all these emotions and past feelings to yourself– it’s not– uh– healthy.”

“Yeah, I know,” Pigsy said flatly, flicking his cigarette once again.

“And whatever you tell me, I promise I won’t le–”

“Don’t.”

Tang blinked. “Pigsy–”

“Don’t. You don’t know–”

“Then tell me, so I can know and I can make that decision for myself.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Pigsy, you don’t have to tell me anything, but I can’t keep watching you torture yourself forever,” Tang placed his hand atop Pigsy’s and gave it a squeeze.

Pigsy rubbed Tang’s hand with his thumb, the embrace warmer than the pollution in his lungs and throat. He then looked into Tang’s heavenly brown eyes, and remembered all the promises he had made the day after they had kissed. About not hurting him– especially on purpose.

Get your shit together, Pigsy.

“...Later. Maybe after we get everything settled in the apartment.”

Tang squeezed his hand even more. “Good.”

When they stood, Pigsy was filled with an overwhelming desire to hug or kiss him, but ultimately smothered his cigarette before stoically heading back to the truck.

However, the pair came to a halt when they heard panicked whispers coming from behind a trash can, and when Pigsy went to look, surprise surprise, MK and Mei had been spying on them.

“Hi Mr. Piggy,” MK waved, before smelling the smoke and making a face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah kid– I’m sorry for scaring the both of you– I lost myself a bit back there,” Pigsy scratched the back of his neck.

MK winced at that, but Mei hugged him, which startled the chef.

“A-are you okay kid?” was the only thing Pigsy could think to say.

“I-I’m really sorry I made you run away– I-i won’t do it again, promise!” Mei said, looking up at him with desperate eyes.

“Hey now,” Pigsy broke her embrace to get on his knees and placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault I got… scared. It’s just something that happens to me sometimes– I’ll work on it, I swear. Don’t stress yourself.”

“Okay Mr. Piggy,” Mei nodded slowly before hugging him again, this time around his neck since he was level with her. Not knowing what else to do, Pigsy returned the embrace, almost startled by how comforting it was. Soon enough MK joined in too, and Pigsy felt like he was almost going to cry.

He hadn’t had a hug this good since his grandmother was in good health.

“C-c’mon, let’s get to our new place, hm?” Pigsy forced himself to break the embrace before he broke down again. The kiddos nodded and they were back in the truck in no time, headed to their (mostly) new hoity-toity lives.

.o0o.

It took roughly two hours to get everything all settled, then unlocked, then transferred from the truck to the apartment, and by then everyone was hungry and so Pigsy used it as an opportunity to look for new local restaurants, frustrated by the overwhelming amount of chains. They eventually found a stupid expensive sit down restaurant and ate there, and while some of the waiters were confused by Pigsy, it was generally okay. They then returned the truck, got boba– not booba– at Mei’s insistence, and when they finally got back to the apartment, MK and Mei went to their rooms to set up what things they had and hopefully not fall asleep until dinner.

And then it was just Tang and Pigsy alone, unpacking his things, which took a lot longer than expected since Pigsy was a terrible planner and the boxes were…disorganized to say the least. It took at least three hours before the two of them were able to reorganize all of the boxes so they had a system they could then work with, and by then the sun was starting to set.

“Woah, nice jacket Pigsy,” Tang whistled as he pulled out a thick brown shearling jacket.

Fuck. Of course it was that jacket– that stupid stupid, really nice jacket from back then. Of course it was– and now He was going to have to talk about… that because he was acting all weird. Great.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

“Yeah, it’s from my time in the military– hence some of the patches– though I… tried to remove most,” Pigsy admitted, hanging up his one dress shirt in the walk-in closet.

“Ah,” was all Tang said. “Still– this is really nice– and I bet you look cute in it,” Tang said, before slapping a hand over his mouth, which made Pigsy laugh.

“Ohmygod I can’t believe I said that out loud,” Tang’s face was rapidly turning red, which just made Pigsy laugh even more.

“It’s alright, Tang,” Pigsy patted his shoulder and took the jacket, examining the folds and stitches in the leather carefully.

“When’s the last time you wore it?” Tang asked innocently.

“B-bajie– I swear I didn’t mean to– I didn’t mean to– It was an accident– I thought sh-she– A-and now– I-i can’t live with myself– Bajie please–”

“...Are you okay Pigsy? Is it the jacket?” Tang asked, and Pigsy realized he was gripping the jacket so tight his knuckles were white again.

“Bajie y-you have to help me– you know I didn’t mean it– I never would– I loved her– I love her– please–”

Pigsy took a deep breath. “Kind of…” he grabbed a hanger and placed it on the rack next to his other jacket.

“O-oh– oh no– I’m so sorry Pigsy– Forget I mentioned it– we aren’t done yet, so let’s just–”

“No… I need to tell you some time tonight and I get the feeling that if I don’t do it now I’ll just try to make myself forget,” Pigsy clenched his eyes shut for a moment, memories of Sandy flashing in his mind.

“Do… you want to go somewhere else?” Tang asked carefully. Pigsy glanced around and thought.

“I could use some fresh air,” He shrugged, referring to the balcony attached to his room, and so the two of them headed out there, both leaning against the railing and taking in the view for a bit first– which was especially gorgeous because of the previously mentioned sunset.

“So…” Pigsy started, though he was quick to realize how hard it was to find the proper words to describe his predicament.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to Pigsy– remember that,” Tang touched his shoulder in assurance.

“I know, I know, but it’s like you said– it ain’t exactly healthy, and you deserve the choice to know what I’ve done and then leave me– it’s unfair to keep you hostage,” Pigsy sighed, the remaining pack of cigarettes sitting heavy in his pants pocket.

“I’m not a hostage here, but whatever helps,” Tang said half jokingly.

“Right– well– um…” Pigsy took another breath. “So… I– well I– I was a really terrible kid, okay? Like– just the definition of a punk who needed a good whack over the head until he got his shit together,” Pigsy started, and though he could see Tang was trying not to judge or interrupt, he was very clearly struggling from his expression alone.

“S-sorry-! Sorry, I’ll try harder not to– express– emotion…” Tang apologized, clearing his throat and trying to set his face to neutral, and Pigsy decided it was best if he just kept his eyes forward for now.

“Well, anyways, I was a little shit and I– I had a friend– Sandy– who I knew through school and– Jesus, he was a real nice guy. Big and tough and scary, but nice deep in there,” Pigsy blinked away images of him to keep his focus. “We were quick to become a duo of punks, though I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was clearly the one who was “influencing him”. His folks were absolutely terrible and all, but he was always more hesitant to start shit than I was.”

Pigsy glanced at Tang, who he confirmed was listening intently. Pigsy took another breath before continuing.

“When we were teens, we got into some steep shit– and being demons and all meant we were set up to be in prison for a long, long, long time… unless…” Pigsy dug his nails into his skin.

“...Unless you joined the military, right?” Tang guessed. Pigsy nodded.

“Since we were little shits of course we took the first opportunity to get out of trouble and wipe our slates clean– but– jesus– W-we made a lot of friends– demon friends, which I guess was our first mistake since it’s basically fact that most demons don’t… make it back from the military too often,” The pig demon’s breath was starting to get shaky so Tang placed a grounding hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly, which did help quite a bit.

“I-i was a real big coward, s-so it’s easy to say more than a few of their deaths are more than likely on my shoulders, you know? I-i mean I know– I know I didn’t get them enlisted, but I just– I didn’t jump on that grenade, I didn’t act fast enough to save Dino or Ace o-or anyone– but all that I-i think I could’ve lived with if…”

The cigarettes were taunting him in his pocket now, as well as the sake in the cabinet. He hated this. He hated every single part of this. He desperately wanted to run or to leap right off this balcony and– No, no. He owed this to Tang.

“When we got back– I-i just wanted to forget it– all of it. Meanwhile Sandy was keen on remembering them all– he even had a little shrine for them in his place– we fought like hell that day– but other than that w-we were okay– well, I thought he was doing okay– he even managed to find himself a-a nice girlfriend–”

Hai Xin.

“Oh, well that’s nice…” Tang said. Pigsy knew it was to try and comfort him, but his words just made Pigsy want to slam down fifty bottles of sake.

“S-she was a saint, l-like how he kinda used to be– she brought out the best of him like that,” Pigsy nodded along, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

“S-she and him– they were gonna get married– it would be in the summer on a boat with the sunset behind them a-and then they were gonna have kids– a bunch of ‘em– Sandy told me and everything– he even asked me to be his best man even before he proposed– it sounded so nice, Tang– he was so happy,” Tears were streaming down the chef’s cheeks now, but when Tang opened his arms for a hug, Pigsy shook his head and continued.

“B-but one n-night I get a-a call… from him, from Sandy– a-and he’s just– he couldn’t stop crying a-a-and apologizing a-and swearing he didn’t m-mean it a-and– he kept swearin’ it was an accident– it took fifty goddamn minutes before he was able to get himself together— a-and– a-and when he did I-i could see why…”

“No…” Tang gasped softly.

“H-he killed her, Tang. The court declared it as PTSD induced violence– a nightmare woke him up and in his confusion h-he attacked her a-and– he was sentenced to prison for five years and court mandated therapy a-and– god– It’s all my fault, Tang– it’s all my fault-!” Pigsy buried his head in his hands and embraced his tears now. “I broke my best friend a-and the love of his life is dead because of me.”

“Oh Pigsy–”

“N-no, because you know what? Th-that’s not even the worst goddamn part-!” Pigsy’s breath hitched before he laughed like a madman. “T-the worst part is that I could even testify for the best, kindest, most loyal friend I’ve ever had in my whole entire fucking life! I-i mean– Jesus, what kind of a friend am I?! F-first I made him a delinquent, almost got him placed into prison, basically force him to join the war which emotionally scars him forever, a-and then when his PTSD takes away what little joy he had, I-i couldn’t even be there for him– and then he went to prison anyways-! This is why you should hate me, Tang– why everyone should hate me– god, I can’t do this–”

Pigsy went to leave, but Tang grabbed his arm and forced him into a tight embrace. Pigsy tried to fight it, but Tang was surprisingly steadfast and kept him in his embrace until he gave up and buried his head into Tang’s chest.

“I’m so sorry Pigsy…” Tang whispered as he stroked his back.

Pigsy wanted to fight that. He was tempted to say, “you have no fucking right to say that” and “you didn’t know them– you should be sorry for them, not me” or even “serves me right” but Pigsy was exhausted, and so let Tang have this one as years of repressed sobs and shakes released themselves onto Tang’s scarf.

“Pigsy, listen… it’s not your f–”

Pigsy snapped right back.

“Tang, don’t.” The pig broke the embrace and tried to wipe his own tears away, but it would’ve been easier to dam up Huangguoshu Waterfall.

“Pigsy–”

“No. I don’t need to hear it– I don’t care– I-i need you to accept it. Denial’ll just hurt both of us– It’s just something I have to fucking live with– you too, i-if you want me.”

If you want me.

Pigsy knew he wouldn’t now.

Tang was silent, his emotions clearly all over the place and Pigsy stood there, feeling like a fucking baby with how many tears were just falling uncontrollably at this rate. Again he thought of the cigarettes in his pocket and the sake in the kitchen, but he decided to wait until after Tang told him he was leaving them– he needed to face the consequences for his cowardice completely sober.

“Okay. I’ll drop it. I’m sorry,” Tang said.

Pigsy blinked. “N-no.”

“No? I just apologized– what’s there to ‘no’?” Tang was genuinely confused.

“I said ‘no’ Tang– y-you’re supposed to be angry-! You’re supposed to hate me– kick me– scream at me– leave me– You aren’t supposed to just– accept this!” Pigsy shouted, nostrils flaring.

“Well I’m not and you can’t make me!” Tang shouted back. “I-i really care about you Pigsy– a-and I meant what I said earlier– I won’t leave because of what you did in the past– all I care about is the here and the now.”

“What kind of a moron are you?!”

“A moron who’s practically been in love with you for a year-!” Tang gestured furiously at himself, though lowered his hands when he realized what he said.

“L-look– what I mean, Pigsy, i-is that… I-i’ve cared about you for a long time, a-and–”

“I didn’t know your name a week ago,” Pigsy cut him off, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“I don’t care, Pigsy! That’s the thing– I don’t care– I didn’t care when you weirdly had two kids in the back of your restaurant, I didn’t care when you adopted them that day out of the fucking blue, I didn’t care when you went silent as a ghost after I kissed you, I didn’t care when you had a panic attack at the wheel which could’ve almost killed us, I didn’t care when you told me to fuck off, and I sure as hell don’t care now.”

“Why not?!” Pigsy shook his head violently, and Tang grabbed his hands.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot, Pigsy, a-and I meant what I said, I-i– I love you,” The scholar squeezed the chef’s caloused hands tightly, forcing Pigsy to look into his eyes, forced to confront that the man in front of him was telling the truth.

He was telling the truth.

Oh god– what was he supposed to do with that– oh god oh god oh god–

Before Pigsy could overthink and ruin this, he hugged Tang as tight as he could. He didn’t know what his goal was, but he just stood there, holding his favorite customer, never, ever wanting to let go of him. Tang returned the embrace right back, and Pigsy buried his head in his shoulder and the tears came back in an instant.

It took a moment before Pigsy realized Tang was crying too, which made Pigsy hug him tighter and stroke his back in a similar fashion that Tang did earlier.

After a long, long time of standing like that, Pigsy croaked, “I’m so sorry, Tang.”

“Why?”

“I-i… doubt humans are this complicated,” Pigsy half-joked, which made Tang laugh a little.

“I’m not a clean slate entirely either,” He admitted. “But even if that wasn’t true, I wouldn’t mind. You mean a lot to me, Pigsy.”

Pigsy’s shoulders tensed at how much he was sounding like Sandy, but Pigsy wouldn’t ruin this– not right now.

“You mean a lot to me too, Tang. A-and I swear I’ll be everything a-and anything you need in the future– really– I-i–”

The chef would’ve rambled more, but Tang lifted his chin and kissed him.

“All I ask is for your company, and if something’s bothering you, tell me. I’ll help however I can, even if it’s just listening,” Tang smiled softly and Pigsy hugged him again.

“I-i can try that,” The chef whispered and Tang nodded in approval, kissing his forehead which still somehow managed to send butterflies fluttering down the pig demon’s stomach.

“I’ll hold you to it then,” Tang embraced the chef once more.

Once again, the two remained in their caress for a long, long time as cool night air settled over the two of them and their heartbeats became one.

After five minutes, a knock on the sliding door broke their embrace. Pigsy and Tang quickly wiped their eyes before they opened the door and allowed MK to step out.

“Mr. Piggy, I can’t find my uniform,” MK got straight to the point and informed his legal guardian.

Pigsy chuckled tiredly. “We’ll find it later, kid,” he said, ruffling his hair.

“Oh– well– I thought we might wanna find it now since we start school tomorrow.”

Pigsy froze.

“...Kid?”

“Yyyyyyyes Mr. Piggy..?” MK bounced on his heels.

“What day is it?”

“Sunday,” MK happily enformed.

Well… Shit.

The kid was right– tomorrow was their first day of school and Pigsy hadn’t thought about preparing them for it at all today.

Well this is gonna be just swell, ain’t it?

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

Cry, I will love you, love you, love you

★ Chapter 13 of 15, 3498 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: angst, descriptions of grief and depression

<< 12

18 September, 2019

Matty was right. Everything was okay. Until it wasn’t, and Este got the call.

She dropped everything to catch a plane to London. A train would be too slow. She had to be with her family. The two weeks she spent there felt like some of the longest weeks of her life.

There wasn’t a moment that the universe let her mind rest—it was a constant buzz of anger, sadness, release. She was mad that bad things happened to good people. Sad that there was so little time left. And eventually, two Mondays later, it happened. Este thought that when it did, her emotions would peak and then she’d be on the comedown—slowly, she guessed. But it wasn’t. Every day felt like the worst of what was to come. And the worst kept coming.

The clothes draped on her body remained the same for too long. Even their musty stench that grew as time passed couldn’t inspire her to change, so Cate had to force her out of them. She’d been helpful through those horrid weeks, constantly checking up on her best friend, even coming down to London a couple of times to take Este’s mind off of things and attempt to bring her back down to earth.

Two days after the dreaded Monday, they came back home to Manchester to grab some more of their things. Enough to last them through the weekend and however long Este felt she would need to stay. Work was a worry, but it didn’t matter to her as much as it probably should have.

After helping her flatmate pack another bag and essentially petting her head to sleep, Cate considered how intensely Este’s life had been put on hold to make room for her grief. There was no time to make new memories when she was all consumed with trying to cling to the ones with Florencia. Este was terrified of the reality that one day she’d struggle to remember them as brightly as they once were.

Cate thought about the increasing number displayed in the red notification bubble at the corner of her Messages app, and the people waiting to hear from her. The plans Este must have had, and their inevitable rain-checks. That’s when Matty came to mind. She decided that sending him a text would aid in planning their accommodations back in London, in case of some small chance that he’d have time to be there for the rites.

Matty Healy (famous)

Yesterday at 20:50 PM

hey. i thought i’d let you know that the funeral is on saturday morning. wasn’t sure if este invited you out but i know she’d want you there

i also have no idea where in the world you even are rn

so if you can’t make it then don’t worry

Today at 06:04 AM

Funeral????

I haven’t heard from her since this past Saturday

What’s going on

oh my god. she didn’t tell you

i’m so sorry you had to find out this way and that it isn’t coming from este but her nan passed away on monday.

Shit

I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry

Can I ask what happened?

she’s been in remission for a couple of years, but in mid august ish she got super sick again. everything happened really fast and there weren’t any treatment options.

so at the beginning of september este went down to stay with josé in the house. the whole family went. they at least got to be with each other for her last couple of weeks

Is she still there in London or are u guys in Manchester

she just arrived back to the flat to pick up more of her stuff and figure out her leave from work and stuff with sam

we’re staying the night but heading back tomorrow. wake is on friday morning and the funeral the next day

Was just trying to figure out if somehow I could make it but I’m in Auckland

Would take days on a plane and we have a bunch of Australian shows coming up

I don’t think theres a way

it’s ok matty. she’ll understand

sorry for loading this all on you out of nowhere

No, thank you for telling me

Please let me know if there’s something I can do. Even from all the way out here

Anything

Today at 11:29 AM

i will

but also, just as a heads up, este really is not in a good place. she’s in good hands, so you dont have to worry or anything, but maybe just wait for her to reach out first before saying anything. hopefully you can understand why i ask that of you

hope your shows in australia go well x

Of course I understand x

Thank you Cate

Matty’s heart broke for Este and her family when he read the texts sitting in his notifications after his long plane journey out to New Zealand. In the car ride over to the hotel, Hann took note of how unusually his mouth was pressed into a flat line as he furiously typed away on his phone, eventually asking him what was up.

“Cate’s just told me that Este’s nan just passed.” he explained, “She was just super vague at the start about a funeral and I haven’t heard from Este at all, so I panicked,”

“Did you think she was inviting you to Este’s funeral?”

“Dunno, really. ‘Funeral’ is just a scary word.” Matty continued typing as Cate’s responses came through.

“Shit. Sorry, mate.” said George, giving his condolences. “How old was she?”

“75. Cate’s saying it was cancer.” As he read more texts, the further it was explained.

“The nan with the gallbladder?” Ross asked, a contained amusement sitting on his face as he brought up the story he shared when the guys had first met Este and Cate.

Matty threw him a grimace. “Yes, Ross. I’m sure she had a gallbladder. But if you mean the one who was my nurse after I got mine removed, then also yes.” Despite how inappropriate his joke seemed, Matty was glad the mood lifted when it gained a couple bittersweet chuckles from the rest of the guys. “Este never told me about any of it, so I’m just a bit shocked,”

He’d been frozen with grief before, so he didn’t blame her for not saying anything. Letting her heal was necessary—and his feelings couldn’t matter less in this situation. Plus, the idea of sending a message was too scary. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, or want to overstep. So Cate suggesting he let Este come to him first helped him with the internal dilemma.

She almost regretted reaching out to Matty after discovering that Este hadn’t told him about Florencia. It felt like crossing a boundary; like something that should have been shared on her accord instead of by her best friend over text. To clear her conscience, Cate confessed what she had done as they sat on the train back to London the next day.

“Hey,” she started, to break the silence and grab Este’s attention. Her sad eyes looked up to acknowledge the conversation and her curious eyebrows raised.

“Yesterday I was thinking about where I’d be staying this weekend and if there would be enough room at your grandparents’ house. Which I know you said there would be—but it just had me thinking about everyone who may need accommodations for coming in from out of town—and I thought of Matty. Which in retrospect, was stupid in the first place, since his literal house is in London. Impulsively I just sent him a text without even asking you first, and I feel really guilty for intruding, especially since he let me know that you hadn’t told him or anything. So I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking in the moment, I just—“

A reassuring and gentle hand was felt on Cate’s forearm. It was Este’s, as if to say, ‘It’s okay’. She gave a soft smile and Cate showed one similarly, still holding her breath from the anticipation of what reaction the fact she revealed may conjure.

All she did was swipe away Cate’s auburn hair before leaning her head on her shoulder—where the hair once sat—so that the weight wouldn’t pull on it, sighing quietly. Este didn’t feel strongly about anything at that moment, letting the clunky sounds of the train and the presence of her best friend envelop her numbness.

It wasn’t an active decision to keep Matty uninformed. It was probably due to her refusing to believe it would ever come to the point of relevance. That if she didn’t admit that Florencia was sick again, then the gut-wrenching inevitability couldn’t be real life. And once it was—as much as Este craved the comfort she knew he’d provide her—she couldn’t be rational. It was an all-consuming paralysis.

The air in the house was heavy. Endless paperwork screamed for attention from the dining room table, so her parents and granddad were busy dealing with that; not saying much to the two girls as they entered. A touch on the small of Este’s back was given by José, who didn’t usually use his words to show his love for her anyway. The warmth from where his hand brushed against her lingered for a couple of long seconds.

Before Cate and Este reached the spare room they’d be sharing for the weekend, her mother stopped them.

“You should look at the flowers on the counter, E. They’re beautiful.” said Percy.

Setting her bags down, Este agreed and stepped back out to the kitchen. The bouquet that came into her view was huge. They had received flowers from a couple of people since Monday, mostly dainty and affordable and easy to look at. But this one took her by surprise; its full shape made up of the most colourful foliage she could imagine. Her Lola would have loved it.

You could sense Florencia’s kookiness from the loud and maximalist decor throughout her house. Este acquired the hoarding habits from her. She could recall a couple of times her nan commented on how boring she found pre-made bunches from the supermarket, and how she wished she could combine every different type of bouquet to have one that actually interested her. If someone told Este that her grandmother picked the flowers sitting on the counter in front of her, she’d believe them.

“Wow, they are beautiful.” She mumbled, about to ask her family if they knew who had sent them.

But, a note card stuck out of the top. Este flipped it open.

‘For Este-

Life is just as precious and beautiful as it is unfair. I am so sorry it has been unfair to you. I feel both lucky to have even briefly known Florencia, and also terrible that I can’t be there to support you. Thinking of your family always.

All my love

Matty x’

Her shaky hand grabbed the card and slipped it into the pocket of her sweats for safekeeping—her question now answered. One day she would be able to accept how thoughtful his words were, and even send him a message to say thank you. But that day wasn’t today.

-

23 September, 2019

Sam knew he had to hire another employee at Greenhouse to make up for Este’s absences.

Over the years, there had been many occasions where time off was needed by either her or Oliver or even the owner himself; so there were a few solutions they’d usually jump to. A couple of close friends of the store had been kept on the store’s payroll to jump in when needed. But, Sam had a feeling that he’d be in need of something more. Meeting Este when she was a mere nineteen years old, he was aware of the tightly knit family she possessed—and he had never seen her in the state she was in now. This was clearly world-shifting for her.

She tried to insist on coming back to work that Monday morning, only a week to the day of her grandmother’s passing. Sam could hear the quiet quiver in her voice when they spoke on the phone, already in the process of sorting through CVs and inviting potential hires for interviews. Not with the intent to replace Este, but to ensure she could take the full time she needed off without the pressure of letting the business down. Of course, he refused to make her travel all the way back to Manchester and firmly encouraged her to stay with her family for as long as she wished to.

So, Este stayed in London—for much longer than she expected to. Weeks went by and she was still there. Her mum and dad were forced to leave not long after the weekend of the funeral; on account of some dodgy conversation with their bosses about time off. It didn’t feel right to leave José alone in the house. Este felt his sorrow through their silence. They slept under the same roof every night, both shutting their eyes to be able to see the sparkling memories of Florencia that were painted on the inside of their eyelids.

She did a lot of sleeping, for that very reason. And randomly got really good at Scrabble. Her and her granddad had played a couple of times which sparked her interest, but it soon spiralled into Este playing against computers through an app on her phone for most hours of the day. She thought to herself, After this game I’ll get up and do something else. But she never got up and she never did anything else.

Her vocabulary expanded. Este even considered ordering a Scrabble dictionary off of Amazon. She paid for Prime, so it could even come tomorrow. It’s okay, she reassured, It’ll wear off. I won’t sit here and play Scrabble until the end of time.

But what if I do? she feared.

-

Percy came to visit quite frequently. To both make sure her father and daughter were holding up, all alone in London, and to feel closer to Florencia. The house still smelled like her. Sometimes, she’d have to remind Este to go out and buy groceries after seeing that they were running low; or convince José to pay his bills on time. He had a hard time remembering what day it was.

She brought Dano with her whenever she was over. It helped spike Este’s mood, though temporarily. Her voice would reach its excited high pitch when she heard his paws tap on the hardwood floor and shower him in the only love she had left in her.

Este liked letting her family’s golden retriever up onto her bed, even though the fur that he left behind sometimes made her sneeze in the middle of the night. She liked how warm he was and that the in-and-out of his breathing helped punctuate her thoughts.

One night, she took a break from resting her face against him and gave Cate a call. She was nice enough to come back from Manchester a couple of times to bring more of Este’s belongings from their flat, helping to make the spare room feel more like her own. Cate saw her grief for what it was and gave Este the rigidity that others were scared to. The words she had trouble saying to herself felt easier to believe when her best friend was on the receiving line. Gently petting Dano’s coat, her voice escaped with a tremble.

She talked about how after seeing a trailer for a film called The Farewell (that was coincidentally about a sick grandmother) on the telly a couple of days ago, she hadn’t turned it on since. How she thought rereading Little Women might comfort her, but then she reached the part where Beth dies and couldn’t finish it. How she dreamt of her Lola every night.

But alas, the ponderous energy of the air around her lifted slightly. And when Cate hung up, after both girls lost track of time and realised the late hour, Este leaned back down onto Dano like he was her pillow, surprised to find his fur all wet with her tears.

-

29 October, 2019

Following the release of the third single for Notes On A Conditional Form, Frail State of Mind, Matty and the rest of the band had a couple of weeks off before playing Pitchfork Music Festival in Paris. Though they were still busy writing, the time away from performing left Matty thinking about Este more often. Sure, he was sort of always thinking of her; but it felt elevated during their first long break since he’d last heard from her.

He had sent a couple of texts to Cate to make sure she was alright, but never felt entitled to know more than just that. So, he was shocked to see messages waiting for him, from Este. The sheer anticipation made his thumb shake as it clicked to open it.

E ★

Today at 18:11 PM

I know this is more than a month overdue, but thank you for the flowers and sweet message. They were the most beautiful we’d received. The whole family loved them, and I’m sure my nan would have too

Pls don’t feel bad about not coming in for the funeral. I remembered that you’d be too far and that’s ok. It’s me that should be sorry for not letting u know what was going on. You deserved to know. But I’d be lying if I said i was doing better. Things are still really hard

I hope u can believe me when i say that I really do appreciate you Matty. I know you would be there for me if I let you in. But im sort of struggling to let anyone in rn.

Sorry for spamming you, I will text soon x

Este theres nothing you should be apologising for

Losing my nan was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through

I’m never more than a text away, just remember that xx

Congrats on the new song too, you can imagine I relate to it a bit. Lol

After those few messages, Matty stopped hearing from her. They gave him a bit of hope, so Este’s radio silence hurt him a little bit more the second time around. He gave up reaching out after just over a month of no responses. Once in a while he would send a text to Cate, just to snuff his fear of something worse going on, and she assured him that she was alive. Not necessarily ‘good’, but alive. Matty guessed that it was a sufficient response and eventually stopped pestering.

It felt odd to mix the song he wrote about her in the studio while they weren’t even in contact. With it only running for a couple of seconds more than two minutes, they didn’t spend an overwhelming amount of time on it. But, as Matty listened back to his buried vocals that sang the lyrics he wrote about Este and their short bursts of memories between dragging months apart, he couldn’t help but yearn for her.

He liked that the song was so short, and that the lyrics were hard to pick apart. It felt like a little moment. The final line, ‘Will you stay or wait?’ repeated through Matty’s head as they perfected the song’s shoe-gazey production, booming in his chest through its painful relevance.

When they reached America for their final leg of tour that year, her name was sketched into Matty’s ear whenever they performed I Couldn’t Be More In Love. But what about these feelings I’ve got, he thought—too literally.

He would meet a fan that had a dimple and would think of her. Or one that had a septum piercing. And think of her if he ever drove past a small book shop.

Then, inevitably, Matty could feel the brightest element of his life slowly dim to darkness—fading into a fleeting moment of his past. But the memory stayed, along with a small glimmer of hope. And he knew he’d be at her feet the minute Este wanted him there again.

14 >>

[milkberryroll]

pride, prejudice

"How about that upperclassman from the PT department? He liked you, right? He's a sports coach, now!" 

Yuzu close to shoved her phone screen to her twin's face, showing her black haired counterpart a photo of an acquaintance from university. Who apparently harbored feelings for Karin years ago. 

"No thanks. I turned him down before." Karin took a sip of her almost gone pear lemon soda.

also in ao3.

"Besides, I told you, didn't I? Not looking for a boyfriend. Not today, not tomorrow, not anytime soon. I'm way too busy for commitments. " She added, completely shutting her sister down. 

Yuzu pouted in disappointment — Karin really lacked romance in her bones. Maybe a good Pride and Prejudice movie night with Ruki-nee would help convert her, she thinks. 

"Oh, you're no fun, Karin-chan!" 

"I'm not interested." 

"But I'm telling you, once you see That Guy for you, you'll be eating your words!" 

"Yeah, yeah. Forget that, Ruki-nee's waiting for us at the department store, help me choose shoes for Ryouka, she says. And, Ichi-nii will be coming to get us, apparently."

Dismissing her twin with a text from their sister in law, she begins to stand up from their table. Yuzu proceeded to sip up the last of her iced chocolate, and stood up to follow her sister, ready to leave the cafe. 

"Speaking of, Ryouka-chan's going to school this coming semester, huh? Time flies so fast!" Yuzu wondered aloud, thinking about how her niece now is at that age for elementary school. 

"Yeah, it was like yesterday Ruki-nee was curs—" She bumped into a wall of toned muscle, losing her balance, expecting to meet carpet, only to be pulled to the same body she ran into by a firm arm around her waist. 

"Are you okay?" 

Karin looked up — and it was then rocks met ocean waters. Her eyes met with the owner of the voice, and saw turquoise looking back at her. 

An invitable encounter. 

"Ah, yeah. My bad, I wasn't looking where I was going." Karin tried her best to speak straight and not stumble on her words. 

"No, it's fine, I also wasn't paying attention." 

With a slight push, she pried herself off of the man she was now in an almost embrace with and bowed slightly in thanks, before stalking off to finally exit the cafe before any more eyes stare. She wasn't here to make a scene anyway, just to help her sister in law shop. 

Her sister was staring at her from outside the cafe with stars in her eyes, now with their brother, looking ready to tear a stranger's limbs apart.  

"Don't start." 

Meeting her siblings, she warned her twin, although she knows Yuzu will, regardless. Karin sighed in preparation for another tirade about romance and fate and destiny. 

She wanted to think it's not. 

 //

With a sigh, Toshiro slid to his seat, seeing his sister smile at him, readying himself for whatever she's about to spew out. 

"She's pretty!" Momo nonchalantly uttered. 

"Unfortunately for you, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. Besides, I'm here to bring you to your OB appointment, since Izuru had an emergency at work." Toshiro replied without missing a beat. 

"Oh, would it kill you to actually be fun, for once? This is why you have no love life, you're way too serious. You were cuter when we were younger." 

"Shut up." Toshiro called a waiter over to take their orders, after taking a backward glance at his chanced encounter. 

Oh, there's someone with her. The orange haired guy. 

The little peep did not go unnoticed by Momo's observant eyes. 

"Too bad, seems like a guy is with them. A boyfriend, perhaps?" 

He decided to ignore the little twinge of disappointment in his chest.

//

"My bad Karin! I swear I'll make it up to you next time!" Rukia's voice rang from her phone's loudspeaker. 

"I told you it's fine! It's my off today. Anything else I need to pick her up?" Karin picked up her wallet, preparing to fetch her niece up from her first day of school. 

"Nope, just your ID! Call me if anything comes up! And grab some food for the two of you on the way! I'll send you the money!" 

"No, it's fine, Ruki-nee. Alright, I'm going to get her now. Bye!" With that, Karin ended the call, turned her car ignition off, and alighted the car. 

Going into the school premises, she searched for staff she can talk to. 

"Oh! Hi, good afternoon! What's your business here?" 

A voice rang from behind her, and it was a teacher coming out of the faculty room.  Oddly, the voice sounded pleasantly surprised. 

Bowing to return the greeting, she introduced herself. 

"Hello. I'm here to pick up Kurosaki Ryouka, first grader." She handed her ID to the teacher. 

"Kurosaki Karin... What a pretty name. And sorry for not introducing myself, my name is Momo. I'm the first graders' art teacher, so I actually know Ryouka-chan." Momo grabbed Karin's ID, and proceeded to lead the way. 

"Oh, that's great! I'm not too late picking her up, am I?" 

"No, you're not! She's still with a few of the other kids playing, so she's doing well. I take it she's your daughter?" Momo inquired with Karin, as they walked the halls to finally arrive at the classroom. 

Karin burst out laughing, tears in her eyes, stopping as she tried to catch her breath. Momo, now some steps ahead of her, stopped to look back at her guest. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. No, she's not my daughter, she's my niece! I don't even have a boyfriend!" Karin said in between chuckles. 

"Oh! Apologies!" 

"No, no worries. It was just funny." Wiping tears from her eyes, she continued on walking to catch up with Momo, when she crashed into someone. 

"This makes it the second time, huh." 

A familiar voice. 

It was the guy she bumped into at the cafe. With his arms around her. He's saved her again. 

And for the second time, their eyes met. 

"We meet again. And sorry, for the second time. And, thank you."  She apologized to the white haired guy. 

"Oh! I'll introduce you two! Shiro-chan, that's Miss Karin, here to pick her niece up. And, Miss Karin, that's Toshiro, my brother!" Momo pipes up, sounding elated, and her voice breaks the two out of whatever dangerous territory they have entered to. 

He reluctantly let go, and suddenly she longed for his warmth on her.  

He offered his hand for her to shake, and she took it without question. 

He found her hand, soft and small, fitting with his own well. 

"Nice to meet you. But, I guess, it's more of nice meeting you again?" Toshiro greeted. 

"Yeah, it is. Small world, huh? You're my niece's teacher's brother. And to think, what occurred at the cafe happened the second time around." Karin snickered. 

"Here's to hoping the next time we meet, if ever, we're not smacking and crashing into each other." Toshiro answered in return, with a smile in his voice. 

"Yeah, I hope so too." 

Yuzu would probably laugh at her face and tell her "Told you so! Fate and destiny does exist!" if she knew about this, Karin mused. 

 //

Karin and Ryouka waved goodbye to Momo and Toshiro, with the sibling pair waiting and waving back until they were out of sight. 

"Wasn't that nice? Maybe you guys are really meant for each other." Momo teased her brother after a brief moment of silence. 

"Shut it." 

"Pease, you seemed happy seeing her again." Momo stalked off to proceed to the faculty room, and pick up her things to finally go home, with her brother trailing after her. 

"That's not it." 

Momo stopped just in front of the faculty door. 

"Oh, by the way. The orange haired man? That was her brother. And, she's single." She quipped. 

"You have a chance after all, Shiro-chan!" She hummed as she entered the room and closed the door behind her. 

He's not so against it now, if fate and destiny was always that pretty and amazing. 

[brunchable]

Dandelions Chapter IX - Cosmic Floop || Doctor Strange x F!Reader

Word Count: 2K Rated M: includes portrayals of elements such as violence and themes that require a mature outlook. Special Mentions: Iron Man Ant-Man A/N: It's been 84 years. . . my writer's block for this was so bad.

One day is closing into two since the moment you left Eric alone in the korean restaurant. He's left you millions of missed calls and texts but got nothing in return. He wanted to report the police that you were missing and more importantly inform your father but you made him swear not to do anything that will bring attention to you—but you’re not here and he’s extremely worried, so he decided to pay your Dad, the chief of police, a visit.

Eric stood at the front of your childhood home where your father still resides. He’s literally about to break his promises to you since he just didn’t know what else to do. Eric practised what he was going to say, until he was interrupted by Ren who spoke through the door cam.

“Usually people knock to get the home owner’s attention.”

Eric jumped and looked into the camera, “Uncle Ren! Thank goodness you’re home, please let me in.”

The screen turned black and Eric heard his uncle's heavy footsteps coming towards the door. A few moments later, Ren opened the door for Eric and stepped aside. Ren watched Eric closely as he entered and paced around the living room, clearly worried about something–the lad couldn’t stop mumbling to himself, giving Ren every reason to think whether his nephew took some illicit drugs.

“Why don’t you sit down Eric? You’re making me dizzy.” Ren told the lad and closed the door. He made his way to his armchair and took a seat, giving Eric a puzzled look, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s (Y/N)…” Eric fiddled with his fingernails, avoiding eye contact with his uncle, his leg shaking uncontrollably, “She uh…developed these powers—”

“What?!” Ren yelled out of shock, the look on his face darkening. Clearly he knows something, possibly more, “How long has she had it?”

Eric flinched when Ren raised his voice, Eric opened his mouth but nothing was coming out.

“Eric…how long has she had these powers?” Ren repeated his question with more grit.

“Since she came back from the blip—I tried very hard to convince her to tell you but she made me promise not to—I haven’t heard from her since she left me at the restaurant yesterday. I tried calling her but I failed time and time again to reach her. She’s missing.” Eric blurted out in one breath and felt relieved he finally got it out of his system.

“Did she tell you where she was going before she left?”

“No, she left in a rush—she just started feeling quite scared all of a sudden and told me that she’s getting this strong feeling in her gut that she needed to go.”

“This is bad…” Ren mumbled, “I don’t understand… Annie took her memories away.”

“W-what do you mean took her memories away—What’s bad? If you have something to say uncle, now might be the best time because I am so confused right now. Your daughter is missing! We should be reporting it.”

“The police won’t be able to help us Eric—this is beyond their pay grade.” Ren pauses with a big sigh, “The vision Annie warned me about. . .”

“Vision? What vision? You’re still speaking cryptic language—”

“It’s the infinity stones Eric—assuming the avengers travelled back in time to retrieve them, it only means they’ve been destroyed, weakening the universe’s defences to that ever comes next.”

Eric stared at his uncle like he was some kind of lunatic, “Don’t you think it would’ve been helpful to tell your daughter about her roots?!”

“You don’t understand, the more she knows, the more she draws danger to herself. I’ve been trying to protect her ever since she was a child—we need to find her.”

“I think I might know where to start,” Eric swallows the guilt in his throat for breaking his promise to you, “She brought home books after she met up with Doctor Strange.”

Ren closes his lids and exhales as if trying to keep himself calm and not snap, “Great—she’s associated herself with an Avenger. Looks like we’ll be paying his residence a visit.”

“Holy shit.” Those were the first words that came out of Tony Stark’s mouth when he saw you and Stephen for the first time, “Can I?” Tony asked as he stepped closer to you and squeezed your cheeks together, studying your face in astonishment, “Creepy.”

You stare at Tony the same way he was staring at you, “You don’t say…”

“So have you like…mastered necromancy?” Scott Lang’s eyeballs flickered from you to Stephen, making sure to keep a fair distance from you, in case you were a zombie.

“We don’t do that kind of magic.” Iron Stephen simply answered and then Scott turned to Stephen with a fascinated look. Stephen furrowed his brows at Scott, giving him a dirty look.

“Look at this clone—I’m still amazed at how you do this Doc, he looks so real.” Scott stood in front of Stephen with a broad smile and went for his arms squeezing Stephen’s biceps. Iron Strange opened his mouth to say that Stephen wasn’t a clone but it was too late, “Oh… feels real too.”

Scott moved his hands to Stephen’s face and patted his cheeks. With the most unimpressed look on his face Stephen said, “Get your hands off of my face.”

Scott took a small step back and pointed at Stephen, “He’s not a clone is he?”

“No.” Iron Strange shook his head, pressing his lips to a thin line to suppress a chuckle while Rintrah and Wong turned away with a snicker.

“Oh… Sorry.” Scott laughed sheepishly, “So if she’s not back from the dead and he’s not a clone—then where did the cosmic floop did they come from?”

“Have you not told Scott why I invited both of you here?” Iron Strange asked, sounding a bit annoyed at Tony while crossing his arms.

“Sorry, I thought you were the one who’s going to tell him?” Tony shrugged with a tight-lipped smile—he purposely didn’t tell Scott to mess with him. Iron Strange shook his head. They just wasted precious time trying to figure each other out.

“Hold on—What does he mean back from the dead?” You butted in with a worried expression on your face.

“Wait—she doesn’t know?” Tony pointed at you and Iron Strange discreetly gestured his hand over his neck to cut it out, in which Stephen noticed.

“Know what?” You look at both of them confused and concerned.

"Yeah what are you not telling us?" Stephen squinted his eyes.

“Wouldn't you like to know?" Iron Strange sarcastically replied towards Stephen first and then you, "It means exactly what it means. You’re dead in this universe.” He bluntly answered before anyone else did, he didn’t want to talk about it. Your face turned grim, “Anyway, to answer your question Scott, they’re from another universe.”

Scott cocked his head and began laughing out loud until he looked around at everyone and noticed that he was the only one laughing, “Ha…hah… He’s not kidding.”

"You're his wife in this universe!" Tony blurted out and then abruptly covered his mouth. He couldn’t help it.

"WHAT?" You and Stephen said in unison.

"Oh shit—did I just think out loud? Sssssorry." Tony drawled and shrugged nonchalantly all the while avoiding eye contact with Iron Strange. He had no business stirring the pot but their Stephen looked like he was in pain.

Iron Strange is looking away from you now in an effort to avoid eye contact. You now understand the reason he presented you with that necklace; nonetheless, you are perplexed as to the source of his anger towards Stephen. Is it possible that he is angry with himself?

Stephen’s annoying grimace disappeared only to be replaced by a sharp scowl in your direction. Me? With her? I'd rather shoot myself in the foot. Stephen thought to himself. He can’t imagine being with anyone else apart from Christine.

"What about Christine?" He glanced towards himself who only scowled back at him.

"Who’s Christine?" Iron Strange replied.

Stephen's eyes widened, and it appeared as though he was almost insulted—no he is insulted by the fact that this man does not know who Christine is.

You were about to say a few choice words to him when Tony stepped forward. Good lord, the man was still a sight to behold, "Anyways let's move on?"

Stephen agreed, “Yeah. I have a question. Can you just explain to me how Tony and Scott are supposed to help?”

“If Tony can make time travel possible, with Scott’s help, I’m sure he has the brain big enough to create a multiverse machine.” Iron Strange confidently answered Stephen.

“Wow. I never thought you thought so highly of me, don’t stop now.” Tony chuckled and earned a dirty look from Iron Strange.

“Could that even be possible?” Wong asked.

“There’s a chance it could be possible—I mean, the Quantum Realm is a mostly unknown domain, so if we can discover a method to combine magic and science into a single machine, that's one way for you to leave,” Tony explained but he had doubts in his mind, because last time he created a time machine, Thanos got through from the past, “But there’s always risks.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” Stephen agreed.

“The thing is, I have to rebuild the quantum tunnel, it was destroyed when Thanos attacked the Avengers compound years ago.”

“Maybe you can use my van?” Scott suggested.

“That ugly brown van is still in one piece?” Stephen turned to Scott.

“Doc…that van might be your ticket out of here, give it a little respect.” Scott placed his hand over his chest, slightly offended by Stephen’s comment. Scott pressed his car keys causing the van to play its infamous horn, la cucaracha, “And yes, it's still in one piece.”

“Great. Leave it to me, Scott and his ugly brown van.” Tony patted Stephen’s shoulder with a massive grin before approaching Iron Strange. They turned their backs towards the group, “I’m going to ask you one last time, are you sure they can be trusted?” Tony whispered to Stephen.

Stephen looked back and shook his head, “Well, no but if the Scarlet Witch is strong enough to send creatures here to kill them, then we have every reason to get them out of here. You wouldn’t want to bring the Scarlet Witch here would you?”

“Say this works, what if this is the reason we bring it into our universe? Look at what happened before, we brought Thanos here.” Tony argued.

“Stark, the longer they stay here the more dangerous it becomes and it will be out of our control—so you choose, at least if something comes through, we can just kick their asses goodnight.”

"Just?" Tony sighed, seeing that Stephen has got a point, “I’ll see what I can do— Alright Scott! You’re coming with me, I need data from your Quantum Research.”

“You’re doing the right thing Tony.” Iron Strange nodded.

“When am I not?” Tony smirks and pats Strange's shoulders before turning back around to face the group.

Scott lifted his hands up to imply that he wanted to say something.

"Yes? Scott?" Tony addressed him.

"Uh. I almost forgot. We need Pym Particles to enter the quantum realm and Hank ain't giving those out willy nilly." Scott chuckled sheepishly, "The Quantum Realm is a terrifying and treacherous place to be. We have no idea what might be hiding in there. It's possible that there are whole civilizations hidden in there.."

"We're going to steal it then, you're an expert at thievery, Scott. Maybe call up Luis—" Tony suggested.

"Oh god." Stephen said in the background.

"Are you serious? We can't do that, I've put that life behind me." Scott gave a little shake of the head, and when Tony moved in closer, Scott retreated a little further.

"We're stealing it." Tony reiterated what he had said earlier, but this time he did so in a more serious approach.

"Alright fine! I'll contact Luis."

TAGS: @elicheel @sherlux @stanny-uwu @frostandflamesfanfic @zdhunn @captaincarmel164 @justsomecreaturewandering @soiopathicdetectivekid @fan-of-fic @gaitwae @shit-post-things @seasonofthenerd @patbrdac @evelynrosestuff @singhfae @severuined @mischiefmanaged71 @farfromjustordinary @spideyyhoe @lovecleastrange @samisubi @dcgoddess @mochuchi @faithinhome @ohchoices @junkertown-princess @sigyncevans @giorgiblog17 @dragonqueen89 @the-royal-petals @hiddlechive @ghost-lantern @sleutherclaw @the-mouse27 @zelspktr @bobateadaydreams @lykaonimagines @valbensherstep @strangeobsessed @calsjack @romanvffa @crowleyspett @goldencherriess @jyessaminereads @fandom-lover-4 @tis-vereon

[detroit-grand-prix]

Wildest Dreams Chapter 27 - Wildest Dreams (Phoebe's Version)

Chapter summary: Everything has been leading up to this. It's not the last race of the season, but for Phoebe Stallard, it feels like the last, and best chance to make her goal. After all, what could be sweeter than taking her first podium at home? But in racing, just like in life, it's never quite that straightforward.

Content warning: N/A

Chapter word count: 7,100

Author's Notes: This is the end of the main story. When I finished this, though, this story couldn't let me go, and still really hasn't. I've been working on a bunch of side stories that I will get around to posting, and I'm planning on writing an epilogue that has snatches of the 2022-2024 seasons.

I'm really proud of this story, and I'm glad it's gotten a few dedicated fans along the way. I know OC-centered stories aren't popular in RPF fandoms, and that's fine, but I never feel like I am able to do the actual athletes justice, but the psyche of someone who competes in F1my original plan! Thonestly didn't even get through everything I'd wanted to. It was a challenge, too - writing race play-by-plays is really difficult, honestly! But, as far as the stuff I didn't want to get to, we'll see what I can come up with. Plejuest sprang to mind for me but allowed me to take the story in directions that I hadn't expected. Anyway, thank you again for sticking around until this point. I know this chapter was an absolute monster is still fascinating to explore. And I've really enjoyed being able to examine what it would mean to be the first woman in so long to make it that far. I hope someday that it's not just a work of fanfiction, and that it can be reality. The narrative took me by surprise, too. It's really amazing when the story couldn't let me go, and still really hasn't. I've been working on a bunch of side stories that I will get around to posting, and I'm planning on writing an epilogue that has snatches of the 2022-2024 seasons.

*also, I know the spelling is technically "kerbs" but I just cannot bring myself to spell that word that way. SORRY.

Circuit of the Americas, Austin, Travis County, Texas, United States of America

October 24th, 2021

Bee woke up well before her alarm on race day. Her entire body was thrumming with nervous energy, but at least for the time being, it wasn’t a bad kind of nervousness, at least not yet.

She took her time getting ready before she had to meet Emilia and her parents for breakfast, but time had a way of speeding up for her before something she was dreading. She did manage to eat a good breakfast, though, and Toto and Susie ended up meeting them all there - they were just in one of the hotel’s restaurants, but It was the first time she’d seen Toto since qualifying.

“You had an amazing qualifying yesterday, bienchen. I was very impressed. Your performance has definitely improved this year, and I think as long as you just go out there and have fun, you’ll be satisfied with your performance, no matter what.”

It was different advice than everyone else had given her, but it probably did the most to help relieve the pressure.

Eventually, it was time to head to the track for the pre-race festivities, and festivities they were. There was a drivers’ parade first - Bee and all of her gridmades were herded onto the back of a flatbed truck and were driven slowly around the track, while being interviewed for F1TV. She was amused by the sight of a lot of the other drivers wearing cowboy hats - it just didn’t suit most of them, being rich boys from Europe.

The exception, however, was Daniel Ricciardo - not only was he wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, but he had shaved his beard into a handlebar mustache and mutton chops, and was wearing a University of Texas basketball jersey. He joked that he was an honorary American, and he certainly wasn’t wrong.

“You look more American than I have ever felt,” Bee told him as they climbed onto the trailer. “They should probably just give you a US passport right now.” He laughed at her. “I would love that, honestly.”

Bee was dreading the interviewer, Rosanna, coming around to her, but it seemed that she was first. At least she’d get it over with. The interviews were also projected over the loudspeakers in the grandstands.

“We’ll start with you, Phoebe. It’s your first race in the United States, you’re the first American on the grid in many years, there’s a lot of people in Williams blue with American flags - how are you feeling ahead of the race today?”

“I, uh… well, maybe a bit nervous, but it’s so nice to see so much home support -” Bee had to stop talking because of the cheer that rose up from the grandstand they were passing. “And I’m really hoping that I can run a good race today for everyone. I’m sure it will be fine once the helmet is on, though. This is an amazing track and I had a really great qualifying yesterday, and there’s so many people here today, it’s really incredible to see. When I started, all of the races were under lockdown and there was no audience, and it definitely makes a big difference.”

She spent the rest of the parade waving to the crowd and talking to George for a bit. The truck they were on was going slow enough that she could finally get a good look at a lot of the crowd - not only were there a ton of American flags, but it looked like someone had produced a “Super Bee” banner that had been widely adopted - she saw tons of them dotting the grandstands.

It was the first time she’d seen it, and it gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling. She’d spent so much of her racing career being somewhat of an outcast, an outsider, an oddity. She remembered showing up to testing for GP3 and getting stared at the entire time, like nobody there had ever seen a girl in their lives. They probably hadn’t ever seen one in a racing suit. She didn’t ever think motorsport fans would embrace her like this, especially when she’d reached Formula 1, the pinnacle of motorsport.

But then, she thought about Adelle and Olivia, and how Olivia had said that there wasn’t anyone she wanted to root for before she signed with Williams. Maybe she wasn’t the only one. Maybe it wasn’t the racing fandom embracing her, but her presence changing who the motorsport fandom was. No doubt that Netflix had helped with this, bringing Formula 1 to a broader audience, but how had she changed who racing appealed to by just being a woman on the grid? It was everything she’d been working for, it was everything Susie had been working for, before her.

All the more reason to try her best today, and hopefully climb the podium at last.

Once she was freed from the drivers’ parade, she headed to the Williams hospitality tent to get changed and get warmed up. Emilia was already waiting for her in her drivers’ room. She left briefly so Bee could slip out of the jeans and team shirt she was wearing and into her Nomex baselayers and racing suit.They did their warm up sequence as usual, and Bee hopped up on the massage table, ready for the rest of it. She froze for a moment, wondering if she should take her shirt off for the massage, remembering how warm, soft, and soothing Emilia’s hands were on her back yesterday.

Emilia didn’t even have to ask before Bee made her decision, tossing the undershirt onto the small futon in the room.

“Oh, okay! I wasn’t sure if you wanted to do that again. Did it feel better yesterday with -”

“Yes. It did. Thank you.” Bee said, quickly laying face-down on the table so Emilia wouldn’t notice the blush spreading down Bee’s face. Bee could feel the heat spreading down from her cheeks to her chest, and knew it didn’t have anything to do with the Texas sunshine.

“We’ll just do it this way from now on.” Emilia said quietly. “If you want.” Bee heard the click of the cap for the lotion bottle and felt her heart start to beat a little faster.

“...Yes. I… I’d like that.” It really was much more effective. Bee was almost so relaxed by the time she sat up for her breathing exercises that she felt like she could have fallen asleep. Emilia grasped her hands again and led her through a deep breathing progression, because Bee had told her that it helped ground her yesterday.

“Okay. Are you ready?” Emilia said, handing Bee her shirt and her drink bottle after they had finished. “Drink some more. It’s hot out there and I know you’ll need it.”

Before long, it was time to head out to the car to take her place on the grid. Before Bee went to head over to the garage, Emilia stopped her. She bent down to Bee’s height, wrapped her arms around her, and said, “Good luck today. Just go out and have fun. Don’t get your head so wrapped up in the result that you stand in your own way. I know this is an important race for you, but it’s not the last one this season. I’ll be here for you no matter what happens.”

Bee returned her embrace, closing her eyes, breathing in Emilia’s presence around her. “I know. But it feels like it’s a big one. And… Thank you. For everything you do. I don’t know where I’d be without you.” She meant it, too. She never dreamed she’d develop such a close relationship with her performance coach, but she was glad she had.

They walked over to the garage together.

Bee said hello to her parents. Josephine, once again, insisted on taking pictures. One of Emilia and Bee together, one of Susie with Bee, one with Bee and her dad, and one with Bee and Claire. She asked Susie to get a picture of the two of them together, after which Bee said “Mom, I have to go! I have to get on the grid!”. She sounded perhaps a little more whiny than was necessary.

“I know, honeybee, but how many times do you get to watch your daughter race in Formula 1 for the first time in your home country? I don’t think it’s a usual occurrence! I think I’m actually the first!”

Bee laughed. She wasn’t the first, technically, but she was the first in the US.

She hugged both of her parents, Susie, and Claire, and they all wished her luck.

She walked over to her car in its place on the grid, holding her helmet and gloves. Emilia had an umbrella to protect them from the hot, direct sunshine, but she was so much taller than Bee it almost wasn’t working. “Drink some more.” Emilia said. “I know you don’t like to use the drink system in your car, so you need to make sure to finish whatever’s in that bottle before we start.”

Bee rolled her eyes a little and took more sips on the long straw, but secretly, she was touched by Emilia’s concern. She was right, though - it was going to get incredibly hot in the cockpit, and she would be more dehydrated today than usual by the end of the race.

She clambered into the cockpit while the engineers and mechanics made their final adjustments. Emilia had set her umbrella down over her so Bee wouldn’t start baking while she was sitting there. Once all of the final checks were complete, Bee had to climb back out for the opening ceremonies.

The opening presentation was very American in every way - there was a marching band (the University of Texas marching band), a flyover by military helicopters, a giant American flag on the track held by various American military personnel, a giant flag carried across the sky by people with parachutes, the cheerleaders for the Dallas Cowboys NFL team, and a country singer Bee hadn’t ever heard of singing the national anthem.

Normally, she wasn’t particularly moved by “The Star Spangled Banner”. It was okay, but she’d heard so many national anthems by now that she’d grown to have opinions on them. She liked Germany’s “Deutschlandlied”, of course, and she had liked Austria’s “Land der Berge, Land am Strome” before she’d heard it so much this season because of Max’s victories. She disliked the Dutch anthem, but liked the bouncy, cheerful “Il Canto degli Italiani” because of her love for Monza. The UK’s anthem, “God Save the Queen”, always threw her off, because she’d learned the melody as a child as “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee”, an American patriotic tune.

But as the singer on the track hit the last note, a chill shot down Bee’s spine. It was moving this time, and she didn’t know why.

Finally, it was time to start. She was glad Emilia had left the umbrella over the opening of the cockpit, otherwise, her HANS device may have been too hot to pick up with her bare hands from sitting on her seat.

She climbed into her car, put on her radio headset, balaclava, helmet, and her gloves, and her focus narrowed to her steering wheel and the view out of her cockpit. She took a minute to focus on her breath, and focus on the racing line, as she always did. She snapped her visor closed, the mechanics all backed away from the cars for the start, and she was ready for the formation lap. She took off with the pack, weaving the car to get temperature into the tires and warm up the brakes, not that it would be difficult today.

“Radio check.” She heard Gaetan say.

“Loud and clear.”

“Okay, Phoebe. Let’s have a good race today. Keep an eye on your tires, the track is hot. Let me know right away if anything seems off. Remember it’s not very long into the first turn and it’s an uphill climb, so don’t be a hero. Good luck.”

“Copy. Thank you.”

It was strange to see the cars she was behind and next to at the start - she certainly wasn’t used to seeing a Mercedes in front of her or a Ferrari next to her, but she relished it. It felt like a challenge.

Her eyes locked on the starting lights, and she held her breath as all five disappeared.

Right away, she got an amazing start - she saw a gap between Leclerc and Bottas, and swept straight through it, immediately going up into 5th place. Miraculously, there wasn’t any silliness heading into turn 1, a climb steeper than Raidillon at Spa. She pressed in her throttle, and was right on Bottas’ back as they straddled the entry curb on the right.

The nice thing about the hill was that you could brake later and harder than normal without issue, but the apex was hard to spot over the blind crest. You also had to avoid the temptation to turn into the first apex early - the wider line was superior for the best exit.

She slammed into first gear to rotate the car quickly before a quick shift into second gear, making sure to avoid the sausage curb that would wreck her exit.

Turn 2 was flat, and really just a means of getting to turn 3 as soon as possible - that was where the real fun started. A mistake here could affect your drive all the way through turn 6, even as far as turn 11, so keeping a good rhythm and flow here was of the utmost importance. It was the same as Maggots and Becketts at Silverstone.

It didn’t take long to settle into her rhythm, thankfully - by the time they were on lap 4, she was still right on Bottas’s back end as they went into turns 9 and 10. She managed to tell herself to take 9 flat, but it looked like Valtteri had lifted a bit, and she was able to gain on him. If she could stay on him until turn 11, she’d be able to use her car’s Drag Reduction System on him. Formula 1 cars had a rear wing that had a panel that opened to reduce drag - it was like getting another 20 horsepower on your engine, but it could only be used in certain sections of the track, and only while you were a second or less behind the car in front of you.

“You have DRS on Bottas.” Gaetan confirmed as they flew around the hairpin.

“Copy, I’m after him.”

She pressed the DRS button on her steering wheel, and her rear wing snapped open, granting her an additional burst of speed. She slid out of his slipstream and flew around him. She thought he’d be putting up more of a fight, but it was a long race.

She also wondered what Toto was thinking, as he watched from his spot in the Mercedes garage. Would he have been proud of her for battling with, and overtaking, one of his works team drivers, or would he be disappointed that Valtteri didn’t fight more for his place? She hoped it would be the former more than the latter.

“Good job, Phoebe. Perez is next, but he’s about six seconds ahead, and he’s gaining on Hamilton. Just hang out here for now and watch your tires.”

“Copy, thank you.”

Her and Valtteri played leapfrog for a while, trading positions, almost like it was some sort of game. This went on for about ten laps, until she was on the long back straight again, with Valtteri in her crosshairs ahead of her.

She heard Gaetan say, “Box, box, Phoebe.”

“What?! Why? It’s so early!”

“Slow puncture, losing pressure on your front left.” She hadn’t even noticed yet, but the car had so much sensitive instrumentation that the pressures likely hadn’t gotten low enough to affect her driving. She must have developed it from the curbs she ran over while chasing Valtteri.

Images of Sakhir last year flashed through her mind, when George led most of the race while he was driving for Mercedes temporarily, until a tire mixup made him have to pit twice. He fought his way back through the pack, but a slow puncture made it so that he went from almost winning the race to almost not even finishing in the points. She remembered seeing the graphic of his nameplate sinking from the top of the rankings to almost the bottom, and was now envisioning it happening now, live, on television, with her blue “STA” nameplate instead.

She wanted to throw up - who knows how many positions she’d lose pitting this early? But, she had no choice. At least she’d have a tire advantage, but she’d have to pit again later on, surely.

As a mercy, she hadn’t gone all the way past the pitlane yet, so she didn’t have to do a full lap on a tire that was losing air. Since it was a slow puncture, she could still manage around the 12-19 complex if she was careful to avoid the curbs. Those would cause a blowout that would probably force a retirement. She made it - she pulled into the pitlane and felt the anxiety rising. The pit crew changed her tires, but just as she was pulling away -

“Stop! Stop! Stop! Stay here! Red flag!” Gaetan practically shouted through her headset. His voice was abrupt, urgent.

“What?! What happened?”

“Red flag! Latifi spun into the wall at turn 11 and took Alonso and Gasly with him. There’s debris to clear and they’ll need to repair a barrier.”

“Oh, shit! Is everyone alright?” She was trying not to sound too excited, just in case anyone was hurt.

“Yes, they’re all fine, they’re out, but the track is a mess. Red flag procedure, Phoebe.”

Her relief was almost palpable. It must have happened just before she pulled into the pitlane, and she was on the opposite end of the track from the Turn 11 hairpin, which explains why she had no idea.

“Okay, how many places did we lose? What’s our position?”

“Checking.” It was hard to say, as she was the only one pulling into the pit. Unfortunately, it meant that everyone would get a free tire change, and she wouldn’t have the advantage when she exited, but now everyone else would have to either use a harder tire or stop later on.

A moment later, he said, “We are P6, you will line up behind Leclerc.”

Okay, it wasn’t as bad as she thought, she’d only lost three places. That might not be so hard to make up. The other cars came into the pit lane, and she was able to stop the car and get out. There would be another standing start, and they had an hour.

She stripped off her headwear and walked back into the garage. Emilia was standing at the entrance again, as she had been at the Bahrain red flag. But this time, instead of immediately sweeping her back into the privacy of her drivers’ room, she said, “Are you okay? Do you need to take a minute to yourself? I know that was probably pretty stressful.”

Bee shook her head. “I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

She found it oddly touching that Emilia was just always right there, waiting for her in case she needed her. Sure, as her performance coach, she was more or less Bee’s assistant, but they’d never discussed things like that - their relationship, their routine just naturally developed that way.

Different drivers had different ways of staying alert and “in the zone” during red flag periods. She knew Daniel Ricciardo would put on his headphones and listen to music. Some just sat in their garages, or stood in the pitlane and watched. This past year, during the rain-induced red flag in Spa, she remembered actually deciding to take a quick nap, and she hadn’t been the only one to do so. She remembered watching Kimi Raikkonen on TV infamously eating ice cream during a race in Malaysia in 2009.

This time, though, she and Emilia sat in the garage, though still sitting apart from everyone, Emilia talking to Bee about everything and nothing, as a way of trying to keep her from overthinking and getting anxious again. They would go back to do warmups again before the restart, but for now, they just chatted in German together - at least it gave them some privacy. At first, Emilia strayed away from talking about anything to do with the race, but Bee eventually started talking about the race again.

“I felt like I was going to throw up when Gaetan told me I had a puncture. I didn’t even feel it yet.” Bee said. “All I could think about was George in Sakhir last year, but the red flag came in just in time.”

“You were doing so well, though. I think you’ll have no problem making up those places again. There’s still a lot of race left. And no offense, but I’d never thought I’d see you battling for position with Valtteri. At least you did it without crashing.”

Bee laughed. “Could you imagine? I’d probably just flee the country before I had to talk with Toto about it.”

Eventually, it was time to get warmed back up, but Emilia could tell Bee was starting to get nervous again. While Bee didn’t normally get very emotionally demonstrative around other people, Emilia had noticed that Bee’s body language would change considerably depending on how she felt. When she got nervous, her movements would get stiffer, she’d start to fidget and pace, and she’d start biting her lip, or her balaclava if she was wearing it.

“Well, let’s… go finish this, I guess.”

As Bee turned around to leave her drivers’ room, Emilia seized her by the shoulders, and pulled her in close, bending down until their foreheads were almost touching, looking right into her eyes.

“Phoebe, listen. Earlier was just a warm-up. You showed them what you can do. I know it feels like today is your last chance, but it’s not. We still have so many races together. And regardless of how today ends, regardless of your place, you’re going to be successful. You’ve put in the time, you’ve put in the effort, you’ve worked so hard - it’s all paying off. Those other guys might be in faster cars, but they haven’t had to climb half of the obstacles you’ve had to to get here, and you were fighting right up there at the front with them. You can do it again. I’ll be out there on the pit wall watching when you come across the line and cheering you on, no matter what.”

Emilia pulled her into a hug. Bee was a little surprised at first, but eventually, she returned Emilia’s embrace. She had to bury her face in Emilia’s shirt though, to hide the tears that had started to come into her eyes. Even in German, she felt what Emilia had said right down to her very core.

“Okay. I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

She put her balaclava and helmet back on before she left the room, wanting to stay focused and engaged, but she made sure to wave across the garage to where her parents and Susie were sitting. She saw They all called out to wish her luck as she went back out to her car and climbed back in. She and Georged walked out of the garage together, and he wished her luck as well. At least, that’s what she thought - he already had his helmet on as well, but he gave his head a clear nod and grasped Bee’s shoulder. They gave each other a quick hug.

Once again, the mechanics made their final adjustments, and Bee’s focus once again started to narrow. Gaetan did their regular radio check, and Bee’s car was moved back out onto the grid for the restart.

Once again, her focus narrowed into the view out of her cockpit, the sounds of her own breath, the racing line, and the five red lights in front of her.

As the lights went out, she got another decent getaway. Her eyes were wide open and focused, looking for gaps. She didn’t see any, but she was breathing down Charles’ neck from the start, at least. There were 42 laps left, so, as Crofty, the F1 commentator for Sky Sports in the UK, would always say, there was “all to play for”.

She stayed calm, and patient, and eventually, Charles faltered when she was able to use DRS on him, and was back up into 5th. A few laps later, she was hunting down Daniel. He locked up on turn 14 - it was crucial to be gentle on the pedal there, but he may have gotten unnerved by Bee’s presence in his mirrors. It opened the door for her to get around him, and she did.

“Good job, Phoebe. Perez is ahead by three seconds, but we have to start thinking about tires.” she heard.

“Copy. Just let me know. Going to try to build a gap with Daniel.”

As it turns out, she didn’t have to worry about tires - Ocon had a retirement that caused a safety car, which means that everyone got a free tire change. Sure, she was once again robbed of a tire advantage, but so was everyone else.

Verstappen was in first, so he controlled the pace of the pack behind him once the Safety Car period ended. Bee hated these rolling starts, because of how much control the pacesetter had - you had to have constant awareness of when the front of the pack would start to break away once overtakes were allowed again, lest you be overtaken from behind.

If you went too early, it would mean a penalty. Sometimes, the cars in the back could be caught out. In Mugello in 2020, there was an accident at the rear of the pack when they didn’t realize the cars ahead were not at full speed.

Verstapped broke away, and Bee managed to be quick enough on the throttle to end up wheel-to-wheel with Perez for a moment. She had to back off going into a corner to leave enough space, otherwise she would have ended up getting punted into the gravel trap.

She stayed on Perez for the next few laps, but she was focusing so hard she was losing the lap count.

Luckily, Gaetan was nothing if not reliable.

“Five laps, Phoebe. Push, push. Checo is 2.5 ahead, and has been talking about tire wear. Keep the pressure up and you’ll be in DRS range soon.”

It was getting down to the wire. Phoebe pushed through all of the turns, making sure to stay right on Perez’s shoulder, just to be able to take any opportunity he might have presented. She was so close.

“Three laps left, you’re 1.2 away. Almost in DRS.”

Her pace must have been mind-blowingly quick if she’d cut that much off of their gap in two laps. Maybe he was slowing down. Either way, she couldn’t let up now. One lap later, she heard Toto’s voice in her mind as they rounded the turn 9 chicane together.

“You have to squeeze your arse cheeks and commit.”

They were almost wheel-to-wheel again, and Bee wasn’t going to back off this time.

She was through.

But then… Perez had DRS on her. Bee cursed - she should have waited to overtake him until after the DRS zone. It was a stupid mistake, but she remembered what Natalie told her when she was so angry about her late pit exit during her last outing at Monza.

“Some drivers have even made mistakes that have destroyed their entire car. A few seconds on a pit exit seems like nothing in comparison, right?”

Right. It was a small error on an otherwise stellar performance so far. Nothing to lose her head over. She did her best to keep Perez in the dirty air of her car, to defend. The DRS zone would end soon anyway. She wasn’t going to let him take his position back that easily.

“Last lap, Phoebe. Good job keeping Perez behind you.”

It was now or never. She had to be absolutely dead-on for this last lap, Perez was still on her, and the endless defense she had to put up was starting to get exhausting. She could feel herself start to falter going into Turn 12, and she and Perez were wheel-to-wheel again in the 90-degree corner, but she didn’t let up. She couldn’t. Not now.

In her mind’s eye, she saw the faces of everyone who had supported her over the years - her parents, the Wolffs, Claire, Natalie, Emilia, George, Adelle and her daughter, the dozens of fans that she’d met just this weekend. She didn’t want this podium for herself, but she wanted it for them - a tangible marker to show how far she’d come because of them, a means of thanking them, and showing her how strong she’d become with their support. It urged her forward.

And then - she saw a flash of Helmut Marko’s face. She could see him so clearly - the round, balding head, the thin gray hair, and his small, beady blue eyes. His left eye was a prosthetic and his gaze was always a bit off-center. She saw the disdainful, sour look that he had whenever he talked to her towards the end of her time at Red Bull. She thought about how he’d look from his spot in Red Bull’s garage if she snatched this podium away from his own driver. She wanted, more than anything, to deny him a double podium today.

She also imagined the inevitably pissed-off look on Christian Horner’s pointy, freckled, ferret-like face - she didn’t know Christian that well, she’d avoided ever talking to him. But, it would be a bonus.

She kept her foot down through the turn 16/17/18 series, making sure to cling to the curbs to maintain the most speed. She could practically feel Perez right on her, but she stayed firm, steadfast - it was literally the meaning of her surname, after all.

Perez was practically next to her going through the home straight, but she held her breath and stomped the throttle coming out of turn 20.

Time froze, and then dilated as she crossed the line. It was a split-second that felt entirely too long. She felt like she could feel her pulse between the thin margins of seconds it had doubtlessly been.

She saw a spray of fireworks that shot off as soon as the race leader - Max, probably, crossed the line, and she followed a few seconds later. Did she make it? She couldn’t tell. She’d seen Perez inching up to her on her right side at the last minute, but she didn’t think he’d made it through.

“PHOEBE STALLARD! P3!” Gaetan shouted through the radio. She could hear the cheering from the Williams garage in the background. “THAT’S A PODIUM!”

A scream came from somewhere deep inside of her. She didn’t even feel it coming. She’d just run the race of her life. Even through her helmet and headphones, she could hear the roar of the crowd - it sounded like a prolonged, rolling thunderclap. She practically felt it in her chest, even over the hum of the engine behind her.

She looked up and ahead of her, onto the pit wall, and saw something incredible. The crew of practically every team was clinging to the pit wall fence over the home straight, cheering for her. So it seemed, at least. She saw the British racing green of Aston Martin, Ferrari red, Mercedes white and teal (she spotted Toto easily, as tall as he was), McLaren papaya, Alpine and Williams blues - at the last second, she caught a glimpse of a tall woman, in a blue shirt, with blonde hair, grasping the upper corners of an enormous American flag - Emilia.

She was on her cooldown lap, and was speechless. Normally, a driver would thank the team, depending on their mood, but Bee had felt herself start crying. She was grasping onto the bottom of her visor, trying to wipe her eyes through the gap.

She heard Claire through her radio.

“Phoebe, that was an absolutely incredible race. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come with this team. I know Dad is at home watching now, and I know he’s so excited and happy right now. It’s been a pleasure to be your team principal, and I’m going to miss you so much next year.”

Bee took a breath, and swallowed around the lump in her throat.

“Thank you, Claire, for believing in me. It’s been awesome working with you, and it’s not going to be the same without you. I wanted to get a podium before the end of this season to send you out on a high note and to thank you for bringing me onto this fantastic team - you’ve all been the best part of racing in Formula 1. The spirit and heart of everyone here and in Grove keeps me motivated, and this podium is for all of you - I couldn’t have done it without you.”

It sounded corny, but she’d meant every word of it. Williams had come so far in the last two years, even with the sale and the transition of leadership, but she loved it. She was proud to have been part of the small resurgence they were experiencing.

She waved out to the grandstands as she passed by them on the cooldown lap, and it was clear that people were absolutely losing it. She could have never imagined this. She almost didn’t want to pull into parc ferme - she was enjoying this particular moment - just her, her car, and the distant shouts of her fans - too much.

But, even so, she arrived and pulled up to the 3rd place bollard (another thing she’d never imagined doing) and saw that her team had gathered around the fence to wait for her.

She was 5’2”, not even 160cm, but she felt twice that height when she climbed out of the FW43B and stood on its nose. She tossed her head back and let out the same scream she’d felt tear itself from her chest earlier - of triumph. All of the tension and pressure of the weekend was gone. She jumped down and sprinted over to the crowd of Williams team members at the gate. She wasn’t quite tall enough to jump up and on top of the barriers like some drivers did, but they did their best to reach her, and she was caught in a hailstorm of hugs, cheering, and hearty slaps on her back and helmet.

It was so loud in that crowd of people. The atmosphere was electric.

Someone - probably Emilia - placed the corner of the American flag in her hands, and she gripped it fiercely.

She turned around to see Lewis waiting for her. He grabbed her into a tight hug that lifted her off her feet, which was not difficult. He set her down, and she stripped off her helmet and balaclava. He did the same, and took a moment to re-tie his braided hair back into a ponytail

“I can’t believe it, Phoebe - you’re the first woman ever on a Formula 1 podium!” Lewis shouted over the commotion around them.

Oh. She’d forgotten about that part. It wasn’t what she’d set out to do, necessarily.

He hugged her again, patting her back. “You must have run an incredible race. I can’t wait to watch it later. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Lewis, for everything. You’ve always been so kind to me, and it means a lot.”

At the other end of the parc ferme area, there were small stands for them to place their equipment, and a scale to be weighed right near the pit lane. There used to be cool-down rooms where they did this, but they got rid of them during the abridged COVID season to maintain team bubbles. She stepped on the scale after Lewis. Claire was in the garage outside of parc ferme, standing with Emilia. She went over to them, and they both pulled her into large hugs, telling her how proud they were of her, again.

She wasn’t sure where to go next, though. The podium was on the balcony above the FIA garage area they were in, which was where the medical car was parked. Emilia shoved Bee’s drink bottle into her hands while Bee was looking around, trying to take everything in.

“Here. Drink. It wouldn’t be a good look to pass out on the podium in front of your entire country, would it?” Bee shook her head, and drank greedily. She was only just now aware of how thirsty she was. The race she ran was intensely physical, and the fatigue was only now starting to set in.

She wasn’t sure what she should be doing next, though. She wasn’t sure where Lewis had disappeared to, but she heard some cheers outside that indicated he must have been outside.

She peeked around the door of the garage to see that he was doing an interview with Jenson Button, and just as she did, the F1 employee next to her said, “You’re next, Phoebe.”

She typically didn’t hang around after races to watch the podium ceremony these days, so she was happy for the direction - this was all new to her.

She walked over to take her place in front of the microphone, and Jenson asked her a few questions. The cheer she got when she stepped out of the garage was deafening, and a flurry of American flags unfurled in the crowd. She barely paid attention to whatever Jenson was asking her, but she got through it.

She walked back into the garage area, and stood next to Lewis for a few minutes, chatting companionably with him.

“Uh…” she said. “Where do we go now? Upstairs, or -”

Lewis laughed, and grabbed her by the elbow. “I forgot, this is new for you - come on, this way.”

He led her upstairs into a small waiting area that had an FIA official. It was the “backstage” behind the outdoor podium platform, which was set up on the balcony of one of the permanent buildings at the track. She was still gripping onto the flag she’d been handed. She draped it over her shoulders.

They were also joined by someone from Red Bull to accept the constructor’s trophy for the team. She was just glad it wasn’t Christian or Helmut, but that was apparently rare. The trophy presentation party came in - they were all various local officials that she didn’t know, and…

Shaquielle O’Neal? Bee never watched basketball, but knew the enormous man when she saw him.

“We’re just about ready to start, gentleme - I mean… sorry, ladies and gentlemen.” The FIA official said, looking directly at Bee. Bee waved it off. “It’s fine. I know, this is new for all of us.”

The presentation party all filed out. Bee laughed because Shaq had to duck out underneath the door frame. Certainly not a problem she’d ever have.

“Hey, good job.” Max Verstappen told her. “I heard you gave Checo a bit of a headache. That’s not easy to do.”

It was the first thing Max had ever said to her, that she could remember.

“Ah… thank you. I tried. Congratulations to you, as well.”

He nodded a quick nod at her. “Thank you.”

“And in third place…” she heard from around the temporary wall. “The first woman to ever stand on a Formula 1 podium as a driver… Phoebe Stallard, of the United States of America!”

She walked out from behind the barrier. If she thought the cheers were deafeningearlier, this was nothing. It was incredible. She could barely hear anything else, and it was coming from everywhere - from the audience below, from the people crowded onto the paddock club balconies on the left side of the stage area. She glanced at the LED screen behind her, which was playing a pre-filmed video loop of herself making various celebratory poses - she remembered when they filmed it during pre-season testing, and it felt silly then, because she didn’t think it would even be necessary. Well, she was wrong.

They introduced Lewis and Max next, and the Dutch and Austrian national anthems played. Shaquille O’Neal handed Max the first place trophy. She congratulated the Red Bull employee standing next to her on the constructor’s trophy. Lewis received his trophy, and finally, a man came over with the small statuette for her.

She raised it aloft, and it felt like she was lifting the weight of this season, the weight of her entire career - it was everything it represented. Her own expectations of herself, her desire to perform, her desire to show the people that supported her how much she appreciated it. It was all there now, in the form of a solid metallic statuette.

“And now… the champagne!”

She barely had time to react and put the trophy down and pick her victory bottle up. It didn’t matter anyway, Lewis and Max had done this dozens of times before and were far too quick on the draw. They had both set out to drench her, too. She thought she felt Lewis actually pouring the bottle down the back of her race suit. It was sticky and smelly, but it felt kind of good in the heat.

She did her best to return the spray, but it was too late. She showered the crowd below instead. From this vantage point, she could see the faces of everyone that was there for her. She could see her parents, she could see Emilia, she could see the Wolffs, she could see Claire. She smiled and waved to all of them as they smiled back up at her.

It was just like what she’d envisioned the night before, but it was even better, because it was real. It was her goal for the season, the line she’d been striving for, and she’d made it through it all - all of the terror, all of the beauty, both in equal measure.

Schönheit und Schrecken.

It was true that Rilke had said that no feeling was final, and this feeling wouldn’t be, either. She had a few races left for this season, and had already signed for another season. There would be terror. There would be triumph, so she hoped. There would be defeat. There would be anxiety and sadness.

But none of that was here, right now. All that was here, now, was a memory that she wanted to hold onto forever.

[cherryberry-sugarandspice]

I have decided to cook, I made onions and I am way too miserable so you will be sad with me 🧑‍🍳

Enjoy my shitty writing (I had nothing better to do <3)

Also this happens after Minnie's death but no identify reveal for the sake of it (I'm a horrible person)

Tw: blood and death, future grieving ig ?, sad ppl, angst, MIGUEL FUCKING DIES OKAY (I'm sorry)

_____

In every other universe, Gwen Stacy falls in love with Spiderman...

..

.

Maybe it was bad luck. Or maybe you were just too slow.

He's saying something, you can't tell what. He's looking at you. He's bleeding, he's bleeding too much- why did it have to happen today ? He was just meant to work and come back home. Like he did yesterday. Like he did for the last 1 278 days.

You can feel him clenching your wrist, he's trying to get your attention, but you're not here. You feel yourself drift in grief and sorrow and guilt. He brings his hand to the side of your mask, trying to lift it. But he fails. He fails as his last moments are spent in your arms, his last breath is spent looking at you.

Does he even know it's you ? You may never know.

What about the kid you were supposed to give him ? What about the kid who was already there ? How are you gonna explain to her that both of her parents left her now ? You can already feel the tears rolling down on your shoulder, the one of a kid who was broken twice by those who were meant to protect her.

You will never have the happiness of them knowing the truth, you can't make the same mistake again and again. You will always have to lie to keep them alive, in the end. Better to be a liar then a murderer, right...?

You wonder if somewhere, maybe in another universe, you're eating together with Minnie. All laughing, and talking about your lives, and being alive.

.

..

...And in every other universe. It doesn't end well.

-sincerely, the same anon that brought up the idea ;p

"How are you gonna to explain to her that both of her parents left her now?"

LIAR YOU AINT SORRY

Lock your doors.

Lock your FUCKING DOORS

I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF YOUR PILLOWS ARE WARM SODBOZBDOSHSISHSOJS

BUTTERSCOTCH! SICK EM BUTTERSCOTCH! ATTACK! ATTAAAAACK

Omg the agnst is great but MIGUEL NOOOO

I WONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU MIGUEL GET BEHIND ME!! GET BEHIND ME !!

Anon you're evil😭😭 but....low key been thinking of what would happen if Miguel got hurt in spiderwoman!reader's universe lol BUT HE WONT DIE!!

WHY DO YOU KEEP ATTACKING ME ANON!! WHY!!

Thanks for shoving onions into my eyes )^:<

[rainbow-beanie]

Fionna and cake Fic idea:

Alternate universe where after Finn gets scratched in the back by the fearsome bear in the second episode, gets cursed to become the same bear that he had killed (a typical brother bear scenario) along with Simon, who had also been scratched in the arm during the fight. And unlike in canon where Simon had enough sense to treat the wound before it got infected (sorry Finn, it had to be said) the curse goes through his bloodstream faster than in canon that even when Simon gets the wound treated, he is still deemed “cursed.”

Fast forward to the next day, marcaline talks to Bonnie about how she hadn’t heard from Simon since yesterday, and had a really bad feeling that something was wrong. And so the couple asks around until they come across tv, who was the last one to see him. Who explains how uncle Finn and Simon had gone on an adventure cause Finn thought it would be a good way to clear his head.

“Wait what? Clear his head about what? Is Simon in any trouble?”

Realizing that he had said too much, tv briefly freezes, until marcaline, realizing that something is up, demands the round dogicorn to talk, and tv, backed into a corner breaks his silence and spills the beans about the conversation that had transpired between Finn and Simon on the pub.

“Me and uncle Finn had decided to come into the pub to gets some drinks before going on a mission, not a too dangerous one, mind you, he hasn’t outright said it, but I get the feeling Finn doesn’t want any of us to get into any serious danger. Cause he’s worried that what had happened to dad could happen to us.”

“…….”

“…….”

“But back to what I was saying, all of that was put on hold when Finn saw Simon, and noticed that he looked….angry? Sad? Whatever the case, uncle Finn did his usual “heroic pep talk” to try to cheer the guy up, which only seemed to make things worse. That’s when he had the idea to bring Simon on a mission to clear his head, since the same thing worked for him. Unfortunately that was the last time I saw either of them, I haven’t even gotten a text or phone call, even though I know that my uncle has seen and been through glob knows what, I still can’t help but be worried”

After exchanging a glance, both worried and put on edge about this, Bonnie asks tv if he knew where Finn and Simon had gone, “he did exactly tell me anything before running out the door with Simon 8n a tight headlock, but knowing my uncle, he’s probably in a forest somewhere that’s chock full of dangerous creatures to kill and or defeat, so I’d start looking there.”

Horrified by the prospect of Simon being put in such dangerous circumstances, Bonnie nervously leads MacLaine away while thanking tv for the info. After a talk and a brief breakdown from marcaline, Bonnie and marcaline start looking through each and every possible forest that the tow could have been. But with nothing else to go off of, this ends up taking a few days, which only makes Bonnie and marcaline feel worse.

It’s not until almost a week after Finn and Simon’s disappearance, which by this point had ended up becoming so widespread that practically everyone knew about it, marcaline and Bonnie finally figure out the exact location where the two had ended up in, and was horrified by what they found.

Finn and Simon were alive. but were very much worse for wear. Cause after a brief run in with two familiar looking bears, one bigger than the other. the smaller one, who, while looking nothing like the Simon marcy and Bonnie knew, shared characteristics with that man that made it practically impossible to think it could be anyone else. while still looking angry and feral, he seemed to be more scared and skittish than the other one, who was angry and protective, that protective instinct Finn had for as long they had known him was still there, and finn would lash out at anyone that even looked like they wanted to hurt Simon. While simon somehow possessed an all too familiar ability to ‘control’ ice and snow, a sight that sent the vampires heart to her stomach. that control however does not mean skill, cause more often than not, the smaller bear would end up shooting an ice blast into the sky or a nearby trunk of a tree.

[sorabyul]

today is a bad weather day — it's a gross, slushy combination of rain and snow. i came home early and decided to watch another episode of first love, not realizing that it was going to become one of my favourite stories of all time.

it would be arrogant to generalize japanese media but, at the very least, both your name and first love are yearning, pining, romantic stories of love persisting and fated lovers against all odds.

maybe it truly is fate that yesterday, the love of my life asked me if i thought we were destined to meet. i think i've always held onto this idea that there are certain things in life that cannot be explained — some things are just truly meant to be and if you listen carefully enough, the universe speaks to you. on my worst non-believing days, i think that this is my excuse to avoid responsibility for my actions.

but most days, it's this wonderful, radiant, romantic outlook on life that brings me immense comfort in the face of things gone wrong.

my head is a delightful mess of thoughts right now — appreciation of the arts for making me feel such profound emotions; awe of the cinematography, writing, directing and masterful creation that resulted in such a wonderful drama; overwhelming certainty that love prevails above all; gratitude and humility that there are some things that will inevitably come together; reassurance that it's never too late.

i am just so thankful that:

on a terribly snowy day that begs you to stay inside,

i got to come home early (and safely),

i had the whole apartment to myself,

i was cozy on the sofa with my cat cuddled up with me,

the christmas tree was lit and the living room lamp was golden,

i watched the perfect winter drama about destiny and love persevering,

and in a couple hours, the love of my life — with whom i've been fortunate enough to spend 10 wonderful years growing and learning and discovering ourselves together — will come stumbling home, intoxicated af, and i'll get to kiss him and tell him i love him before he passes out in bed.

truly, i will choose love always.

[lucy-268]

I posted 566 times in 2022

95 posts created (17%)

471 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jerzwriter

@jamespotterthefirst

@liaromancewriter

@genevievemd

@choicesficwriterscreations

I tagged 92 of my posts in 2022

#open heart - 48 posts

#choices fic writers creations - 43 posts

#choices fanfiction - 39 posts

#playchoices fanfic - 37 posts

#ethan ramsey x f!mc - 24 posts

#cfwc sunday six - 23 posts

#tobias carrick x f!mc - 16 posts

#ethan ramsey - 12 posts

#cfwc throwback fics - 10 posts

#cfwc fics of the week - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 48 characters

#in the end it's just going to be a manip with dg

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Never Sorry

36 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#4

Hi,

38 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

#3

Not Meant to Be

39 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#2

Happy Birthday Charley

48 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Coffee Break

Series/Pairing: Open Heart - Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Charley Valentine)

Disclaimer: Most characters belong to PB, Charley is sort of mine

Rating / Warnings: T / none

Summary: It’s such a simple thing for Ethan’s birthday. This is set on Ethan’s birthday, February 19 in my universe, during Charley’s intern year.

Comments/Notes: Written for the @choicesmonthlychallenge​ Valentine’s Challenge prompts To Be ❤️ holding hands (it’s a bit of a stretch) and for the @choicesfebruary2022challenge​ Day 2 prompt “Starbucks.”

Word count: 418

Charley had left her apartment earlier than normal. Yesterday when she was sitting with Naveen in his hospital room and he mentioned that today was Ethan’s birthday. As she was trying to fall asleep she tried to think of what to do for his birthday. Maybe it was a bad idea; he had been distant since they returned from Miami.

She dug through her box of cards and found a birthday card with a stethoscope on it. She smiled as she scrawled her name inside it. She decided she would skip her normal Starbucks and would go to that coffee shop Ethan had taken her to a few months back. A card and a cup of coffee would be reasonable to give your boss for a birthday, right? Even Ethan couldn’t’ object to that, could he?

She pushed the door open and joined the line. She bit her lip and glanced at her watch. She still had twenty minutes. That should give her enough time to get to the hospital.

“Charley?” She froze at the voice over her left shoulder.

She turned and found clear blue eyes watching her. “Good morning, Eth- Dr. Ramsey.”

“What are you doing here? Don’t you usually stop at,” he practically shuddered, “Starbucks?”

“I was actually stopping here to bring you a coffee.”

His eyebrows raised. “For me?”

She nodded. “When I was sitting with Naveen yesterday, he mentioned that it was your birthday.”

“Of course he did.”

“I figured a coffee wouldn’t be out of line.”

“You really don’t need-”

“Next!” The barista looked at Charley.

“Could I get two Viennas, please?” Charley ordered.

The barista rang up the order. “For here or to go?”

Charley began, “To-”

“For here,” Ethan stated. When Charley looked at him, he smiled. “We can enjoy our coffee before we need to get to work. Why don’t you grab a table and I’ll bring over the coffee when it’s ready.”

The barista handed Charley back her credit card and she selected a table near the cozy fireplace. Ethan soon joined her. As he set the mugs on the table he slid hers towards her as she reached over pull it towards her and their fingers met around the cup. Charley stared at their fingers, touching, and glanced at Ethan. He was also looking at their hands.

He blinked and moved his eyes to meet hers. He cleared his throat and pulled his hand back, picking up his own mug. He smiled. “Thank you for the coffee.”

@openheartfanfics​ @choicesficwriterscreations​

Perma  - @a-crepusculo​ @bex-la-get​ @danijimenezv​ @genevievemd​ @jamespotterthefirst​ @jerzwriter​ @liaromancewriter​ @potionsprefect​ @writer-ish​ @crazy-loca-blog​ @forallthatitsworth​ @quixoticdreamer16​ @schnitzelbutterfingers​ @txemrn​

All Open Heart  - @coffeeheartaddict2​ @utterlyinevitable​

Open Heart  - Ethan & Charley only  - @gryffindordaughterofathena​ @monsoonblooms12​ @ohchoices​ @queencarb​ @headoverheelsforramsey​

50 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[propernekoarts]

Day 15 was meant to be about the 'Weekend Break from the Grimm'. Wow. Such. Timing. I was considering doing some art of Salem relaxing by the pool with hot weather today, but I decided in the end to stop pretending that things are okay here with all things RWBY.

Around yesterday, Matt and a few other members of Roosterteeth had their roles dissolved and were to leave the company. It led us to fear more about the company. It was not the first time this had happened. Later today, Kdin released a statement, where she was discriminated, called slurs and not paid a lot for her hard work. She went through a lot of crunches at work, before she was not paid for voicing characters across RWBY shows. It then went on to how she was given death threats for speaking up on Clover's death in RWBY. This brought light to numerous glassdoor reviews and past history that shows how Roosterteeth had treated their staff so poorly.

All that had shifted my attention on this ground to having to worry so much about RWBY's future, given they are on the fractured platform as held by Roosterteeth. All of this, on the other hand, has made me both disgusted and upset as much as you lot felt about it. I'm not comfortable right now to make more Salem art, so I’m posting a black picture for day 15 instead.

I do take this seriously as I know from my experiences at work places, that I was not treated well as a human being. There were very few instances of transphobia, most of which came from the customers I worked with. But most of the time I was burnt out a lot and struggled to meet high expectations. When I was at a start up company during Falmouth Launchpad (my second masters) that I was poorly treated and got burnt out a lot while developing a game. I even tried wellbeing services that the Falmouth University offered, but none of that helped to give me more support for my mental health. In the end, I was treated like a bad team player, and I left with work-related stress that I'm still struggling to recover from to this day.

This is why I will be considering either halting or changing Salamitober to not only focus on my health, but to also protest against the poor working practices at Roosterteeth. I'm getting burnt out with this thing anyway after making so much good art. If you want me to continue with this, then I would consider doing art prompts with Shion or May instead of Salem, so I can stand with Kdin and many others affected by this.

Thank you for reading this, and I'm sorry to bring it up with you. I'm sad really but as a struggling non binary trans woman on the autistic spectrum, this shit matters to me and I won't stand for any practices that dehumanises staff at work.