#i had very similar issues with my sisters machine so like. I AM THE PROBLEM

[gothwizardmagic]

Seen your tags on the beginner sewing post about your machine troubles! Persistent bobbin birds nesting even after tension experiments often means your machine needs servicing!

I had this problem with mine and it just needed some light tinkering with screws inside by a professional and it's been fab ever since

I thought this so I took it in to the place I bought it, because it happened literally the second time I used the machine 🙃 They tested it in their repair place and it worked perfectly and didnt seem to have any issues on the inside so I am in fact the problem it IS me

[shhhlikeme]

Hello! I want to start off by saying you’re really pretty and your writing is amazing 🥺👉👈 Could I request a oneshot where the s/o of either Yamaguchi or Suga (which ever you prefer they are both my babies) get into an argument and the s/o ends up flinching out of habit during it, and maybe some cute fluff at the end?

Sugawara Koshi x Reader Angst Fluff !!!!

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A/N: Hello! EYEEE want to start off by saying im blushing thank you angel💖💖💖 of course you can. Request anytime I’m all ears and keyboard taps!

This is super fluffy so I hope you like it!!!!

Yams is my favourite but I haven’t written a Suga story yet and I have a little crush on him so I’ll pick him, yay! (Also, Suga’s voice actor in the dub sounds so attractive to me ugh)

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“Hey baby!” You walked into your boyfriend’s room that his parents let you into. You flicked the lights on.

can we all collectively agree that Suga’s parents are some Queen Elsa & Jack Frost looking mfs?!

Surprised because you didn’t tell him you were stopping by, Sugawara’s eyes lit up when he saw you

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He scrambled off his bed to you, giving you a chaste kiss.

You can’t tell anyone this, but Suga’s parents secretly invited you because they have been worried about their son

From their perspective, Suga came home everyday seemingly drained and depressed

He would mutter a hello to his parents, go straight to his room and lock the door

You didn’t know this, because your boyfriend was completely normal with you and with his friends from school

He was his regular cheeky self that you loved

But you couldn’t deny his parents anything and you wanted to see your baby so you agreed to come over one night after school to kind of “catch him in this act” that his parents described

You scanned your handsome boy’s face and it made you frown

He did looked drained. That’s not normal considering school had been out for maybe an hour and you just saw him during last period looking chipper.

He had lines under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped/lower than usual. Not to mention his eyes betrayed him because they looked like someone who was really going through it, even though you could see that his spirits lifted with your entry

You didn’t say anything, opting to poke his stomach instead and smile up at him

for someone’s whose weak spot is his ticklish tummy, the joy from his laugh didn’t reach his eyes whole heartedly like they normally did

You tested one last time.

“I made you tempura, just the way you like it,” You placed the wrapped dinner plate you bagged on his dresser, gauging his reaction.

Koshi appeared like he was a stage actor when he gave you a big smile and said thanks.

Your heart immediately sank then, because you knew his parents had been telling the truth.

There was something wrong with your Koshi. Very wrong.

Ok. Here goes.

You turned around to lock his room door and took his hand

You gestured for him to crawl back into bed which he seemed genuinely happy about.

You straddled his waist, sitting in a position where he couldn’t hide his face from you nor could he escape when this questioning started

“Uh oh. You only sit on me like this when you want “to talk.”

You nodded. He knew.

Your boyfriend liked talking about his feelings but not when they could potentially bring down the mood of others.... and with this specific circumstance where he was able to hide his sadness from you so well, you had no choice but to jump straight into playing hardball.

“Shishi.” You used the embarrassing pet name you made for him and he slightly blushed.

Marry him, aight?

“Yeah? You okay? I’m listening baby tell me.” He looked at you with his shining eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Suga didn’t miss a beat. He was well rehearsed. “Wait—me? This talk is about me? Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Well why are you laying in your bed with the lights off at 4pm? You’re usually doing your school work at this time. That’s what you text me.”

Suga sighed. “I was just tired today, that’s all.”

“Shishi.....”

“Y/N, baby. trust me I’m fi-“

“Is it about volleyball?”

Koshi sat up quickly, cradling your back to make sure you were safe. He scooted backwards, making it so his back was leaning on his headboard.

“Can I please put you next to me?” He asked.

You mentally noted that he didn’t answer the question.

And that he wanted to get out of this “truth spell” position

So it was about volleyball. You ignored his question back and pushed forward.

“Did something happen? Is Daichi injured again? Or is Ukai quitting—“

Suga locked his jaw, looking away from you. “No no. It’s not that— I’m fine. I’m good.”

You couldn’t tell who he was trying to convince more: you? Or himself?

You pushed a bit further.

“Tomorrow is your Senior game, right? You, Asahi, Daichi and Kiyoko will be awarded for the years you put in, right?”

Suga, looking pained, gently moved you off his lap to sit next to him. He got out of bed and paced the room. You knew you were about to crack him but you weren’t too concerned because he needed to let whatever this was out. It’s bad enough that your baby was having such internal conflict like this. It was depressing him and he was dealing with it all by himself.

You stared at him and moved to sit up on your knees, prepared to deal the final blow.

“Are you sad about not playing, Shishi?”

The volcano that Sugawara had been trying so hard to keep in finally erupted at your words.

“SAD?! Am I sad?!” He practically roared at you loudly.

You flinched because it was the first time you have ever heard your boyfriend raise his voice in anger, let alone at you. You remember that he told you he’d only shown his team that side of him once during a game and they were shook, rightfully so. He was kind of scary like this.

“YES I’m sad! But mostly, I’M PISSED! EVERYONE expects me to walk on stage tomorrow and accept an award I had no part in contributing to?! I have been on this team for 3 years, 2 of those years as a starting setter and those two years accounted for bullshit seasons for Karasuno. The one year I sat my ass on the bench is the year we WIN! The year the crows got their wings back I AM SITTING OUT! No one wants to admit it but what the fuck does that tell you, me, and everyone, huh?! It tells us that I was the problem. I was the broken part: the gear that caused the machine to malfunction. The gear that Kageyama came in and fixed—2 years my junior. I’m pathetic, you know?! How many captains sitbon the fucking bench while I watch my best friends play the sport we all love equally? Then I have to walk around all day pretending I don’t feel this way because I am too busy stopping Kageyama and Hinata from pummelling eachother, telling Tsukishima to stop being so mean, mitigating Yamaguchi and Ashai’s panic attacks, Forbidding Tanaka and Noya’s anger issues and the reward I get for all it isn’t the luxury of playing like Daichi who does similar work. I get no reward. I pretend to be happy the Sugawara that I used to be. I’m not happy. The only time I take off that mask off is when I get home and by that time I’m so exhausted from keeping up the facade that staying in the dark until I have to go to school again and put the mask back on is the only way I can cope. So YES I’m fucking sad, Y/N. Sad is an understatement.”

you stayed silent as you listened to every emotionally charged word, letting him catch his breath

Your heart had been shattered around the 4 second mark of his speech, hearing the mental turmoil your baby had been going through in his voice

He was going through all of that pain...

And in spite of it he would still call you every night and listen to you talk about how annoyed you are at your little sister for stealing your shirt

He didn’t change for you because he didn’t want to stress you out and that made you feel like a failure as a girlfriend

After a few minutes of Sugawara calming down, you opened your arms for him invitingly

“Come here.”

Suga looked at you, obviously fighting back tears. Not being able to bare going through it alone anymore, he mounted the bed again, hugging you then maneuvering your bodies so that he was spooning you.

“I saw you flinch. I’m so sorry for scaring you.” He whispered as he kissed the back of your hair. “I love you. So so much, Y/N.”

You reached back to run a hand soothingly against the side of his face. You felt wet tears there and you repeated the soothing gesture. “I love you more, Shishi.....” You backed up so you were pressed closer to his warm body, reinforcing the fact that you weren’t going anywhere. “And Shishi when you’re ready... I can’t wait to tell you all the reasons why you’re the team’s and my....MVP, alright?”

Sugawara nodded into your hair before tightening his grasp on you.

———————————

A/N: This is probably the post I’ve written that is the most realistic in terms of cannon character sentiment. As an ex competitive volleyball player I believe this is truly how Suga feels :( at least youre there to cheer him up!!

[yououghtaknow]

skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff. 

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop. 

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck. 

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six 

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap. 

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo 

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them. 

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

All my thoughts surrounding the Evermore album so far

For the first time in forever, I went into an album refusing to write down any notes or whatever about how I felt upon the first listen and really just let it sink in. Even when ranking the songs, I did it by gut feeling and refused to elaborate. But being over 24 hours and a dozen listens in and basically having the same opinions and thoughts, I felt it was time to put out everything I feel so far.

Basically this post is going to go over not only my thoughts on and relationship to the songs of Evermore, but how I feel about it as an album and specifically a sister album to Folklore. So I hope you enjoy it.

What I think of Evermore as a whole/it’s relationship with Folklore:

Truth be told Evermore is currently quite low on my Taylor album rankings. This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy it and definitely is not me saying I didn’t like any of the songs. But the environment of an album and ability to get something out of listening to the songs all together and in order that you could not otherwise get is important to me to the point it’s my favourite thing about listening to albums. And right now? Outside of Tis The Damn Season and Dorothea, it’s just not there for me. In many ways, that has made Evermore very similar to Speak Now and Lover vibe wise to me in that it feels like an array of great songs as opposed to a perfect album experience like RED, Reputation and even Fearless feels to me. So while I could absolutely see myself listening to most of the songs on this album for years to come, I’ve already found myself listening to the album itself out of order and focusing on my favourite tracks more.

I would also argue that the only reason Evermore is a ‘sister album’ to Folklore is because it’s by Taylor Swift. And that may sound weird, but hear me out. The fact of the matter is that the only ways in which this album and Folklore are more ‘sisterly’ towards each other than other albums is because they are similar production wise and both are at least partially based on the stories of others. I could name you an array of artists whose albums share these same qualities yet are not seen as sibling albums. And honestly, right now it feels like the only reason these two albums are being seen as sisters is because they have come from someone who has been expected to change sounds, vibes and everything else every ‘era’ because she has admitted in the past that she has a fear of people getting sick of her. In my honest opinion, Reputation and Lover feel more like sister albums to me than Folklore and Evermore. This is not to say that Evermore is a lesser album for not being a sister project to Folklore, it’s just not something a connection I’m feeling right now.

What I’m about to say next may sound like it contradicts with what I just said but as it is a personal connection and not objective, I feel like it doesn’t. For me personally, Folklore was predominately an album that opened up and described my trauma relating to losing my whole family while Evermore feels more like a recovery album. So on a personal level, they are other sides of the same coin and while that makes them sister albums to an extent, to me it was not the extent Taylor meant because obviously these songs were not written with me and my personal issues in mind.

With that in mind, if we’re going to compare Folklore and Evermore like many people have, I feel as if Folklore is the stronger album but Evermore has stronger songs. Basically as a full experience I prefer Folklore, but the songs I like off of Evermore I love more than the ones I like off of Folklore. At this point, I will also say I think I love the production of Evermore more than Folklore, but I can also see that being a mood based thing.

What I think of each individual song:

Willow: I’m going to be honest, I do not see the hype for this song. Like objectively it’s not a bad song, but there’s just not really anything drawing me back to it. While clever, the 90s line also threw me off a bit and feels kinda out of place with the rest of the song giving ancient/mythical vibes to be honest. It seems to be a hot take at the moment, but I also found myself bored with the music video and didn’t seem to love the fact that it is a continuation of Cardigan as much as everyone else. I did however appreciate the love interest being from an Asian background during a time when they are on the receiving end of racial villification. I will say I think the first chorus is the strongest part of the song.

Champagne Problems: I feel like this is going to be the song that is most consistently among my favourites for this album. While most of my other favourites are the deep cuts or bops that I need to be in the right mood for, Champagne Problems feels like a good mix that I can listen to any time. It’s also kinda been a blessing for me because the man I love told me upon listening to it that my fear of marriage and actions around that lately have made him worry that we’re going to end up like that which has really made me reflect today on the fact that my fear of not being good enough to keep him isn’t going to be fixed by holding him at arm’s length, it can only be fixed by working to be the better person I think he deserves. In terms of Taylor, I’ve heard some of you think that Tom proposed while they were together and that the ring in the LWYMMD video is actually reference to him and I’mma be real, if that’s the case, damn right she should have said no because they were together what, 2 or so months??? In saying that, as a general sister piece to Getaway Car in that they’re both about realising you don’t love the person you’re with as much as they love you, it’s a nice comparison and I could see it.

Gold Rush: Taylor girl, please go to therapy about not feeling good enough for your man and insecurities that he’s gonna leave you for someone else. You are absolutely good enough. Honestly, all up I feel like this song is the definition of good. It’s not something I’d seek out to listen to but it’s not something I’d skip if it came on. The production is definitely the highlight of the song for me.

Tis The Damn Season: This song really hits hard for someone still living in her childhood house in her hometown huh? I’ve seen a lot of people relate this song back to The 1, and to be honest, they both remind me of the same platonic relationship I once had and things I wish we had said to each other, so I can see that. Look in all honesty, this is just one of those songs where I cannot pinpoint what makes it so good because it’s everything. The production, the lyrics, the emotion; it all works together to make it an amazing song. When considering the album as a whole, I think Tis The Damn Season and Dorothea are the strongest sign of creating an environment and emotion given that they are songs about the same relationship.

Tolerate It: I get why this is track five, and much like Mirrorball off of Folklore, had it come out in 2018 or beforehand, it would have owned my soul and been my favourite song off of this album forever. But nearly everyone who has ever made me feel this way was purged out of my life no later than 2018 so I feel so far removed from it. While I understand the artistic choice for the second half of the song to be wordy and faster paced to the point of feeling offbeat because that’s how it comes off when you’re thinking of all the ways you can defend yourself and/or leave, I personally prefer the first half of the song far more than the second half due to its flow. Had I enjoyed the second half as much as the first, I think this would have been a tied favourite from the album. I’ve seen Swifties say this is a Tayvin and/or John/Taylor song and yeah to be honest, I feel that. I also love the intepretations surrounding it being a queer person and a queerphobic family member.

No Body No Crime: Upon first listen, this was an automatic tied favourite of mine. But, while I’ll still say it is, listening to it on repeat today made me feel like it’s something I need to listen to sparingly or it’ll get overplayed fast, much like Betty did on Folklore for me personally. This is another song I really don’t have much to say about because I love it all and it’s a bop. As a more general note, I will say that I agree with people that I wish Taylor’s vocal collaborations with women included them actually having a verse rather than feeling like backup singers for Taylor. But for what we got, I think Haim added a lot to this song with their ‘He did it’ sounding like Este’s ghost reassuring Taylor he killed her and Danielle’s ‘she was with me dude’ adding a lot of atmosphere to the song. In my mind, Este’s husband wasn’t planning to leave/kill her or move his mistress in but accidentally killed Este as she tried to leave him. Either way though, it’s a great song and I can definitely see why it’s a fan favourite.

Happiness: This was my other tied favourite upon my first listen. When thinking of Taylor, I tend to agree with people that this song is probably about Scott and recoving from leaving Big Machine. When considering what it means to me... well it’s complicated. Truly, I want to reach a point where this is what I think of my family. I hope someday I can get there. But for now, it is another self love song; as if I am talking to my pre and/or newly traumatised teenaged self at age 25. This probably sounds weird but I also love that it’s my favourite while being the longest track (so far, obviously we don’t know about bonus tracks) of the album because there’s something so special to me about Taylor’s longer tracks.

Dorothea: A cute song. That’s really all I can say. Again, I love it’s connection with Tis The Damn Season and it makes me smile thinking about that platonic relationship these songs remind me of. Really just in general this song makes me happy and is probably the one I could see myself randomly singing around the house the most.

Coney Island: Honestly I like the idea/message behind this song more than I like the song itself. Like the idea of not appreciating something until its too late reasonates with me and again, is something I wish the ex friend Dorothea reminds me of would tell me they feel, but obviously I cannot change that. I’ve seen posts about how the bridge of this song was inspired by John, Jake, Harry and Calvin, but to be honest, in general this song feels very purely Tayvin to me, but like from Calvin’s (or at least what Taylor hopes is his) point of view. All up, I think the production of this song is its strong point and the reason that while it’s still not one of my favourites, it’s somewhat grown on me.

Ivy: Another hot take? This is another song that I just haven’t been able to get into. Like I like the idea that it’s the ‘tough’ parts of Invisible String where you have to take the leaps not knowing where you’ll end up, but yeah, I don’t know, it just wasn’t something that has caught my attention yet.

Cowboy Like Me: This song is a vibe. Like it’s the type of song I could see myself putting on while just wanting to chill or do something else at the same time, but I don’t feel like it’s something I’m going to opt to listen to on its own that much. Basically it’s as middle of the road track for me as they come. I will say however that ‘Now you hang off my lips like the gardens of Babylon’ has lived in my mind rent free all day.

Long Story Short: This song is so fun. I love that barring Folklore, I could see it being on any of Taylor’s albums since Fearless. It also reminds me of another non-Taylor song, but I can’t think of what and that has been bugging me all day. I saw a lot of people saying that they’re over Taylor talking about 2016, and personally while it’s not my favourite topic either, she’s free to write about whatever she wants and honestly? I feel like her more upbeat, funner sounding songs like this one have boded better with me when she first releases them ever since Lover so I’m glad she released it. Anyway, like I said, it’s another cute fun song that I can see myself dancing to in my room for a while yet and that makes me so happy.

Majorie: I’m gonna be honest, I feel like this is a song you have to relate to to love, and I do not relate to it. Like I think had my family shit not gone down, I would have cried to this thinking of my recently deceased grandfather because I felt the closest to him out of any family member as a kid, but yeah, that’s not how things are now and so I don’t have the emotional attachment to this song. I can however see myself getting it when my mother dies to be honest. But for now, it’s a sweet song and I get why people love it.

Closure: Remember how I said Happiness is how I wish I felt about my family? Closure is how I actually feel about them. To be honest, the fact that everyone seems to have this as their least favourite song from the album shocks me because I think it’s one of the most relatable. I’m also surprised so many of you feel like this is about Karlie given the sounds at the beginning and end sound like (Big) Machines and the second verse and bridge scream Scott to me. All up, I genuinely really like this song and feel like it’s the one with the most experimentation that works for the track despite the lyrical simplicity to be honest.

Evermore: Lyrically, this is my favourite track from the album. Production wise? ... well Taylor’s part is amazing. This is another song where artistically I appreciate how jaggered Justin’s voice makes the song because it works contextually at that part, but it’s a bit much for me in terms of wanting to have the song on repeat. Though it wouldn’t have had the same jaggered hence artistic feel, I do wish Justin had used his lower register because I feel like it would have suited the replayability of the song more. Regardless, it is another self recovery/reflection song for me and definitely one of my favourite (and perhaps the most socially relevant given how 2020 was for most people) closers from Taylor... though she always knocks those out of the park.

Final Thoughts:

Though not being my favourite overall album from Taylor, Evermore is a solid album with amazing songs. It is also an album I can see being a grower and/or mood based album. So with two songs still coming, I’m not about to rule it out as being something I won’t love more in the future. This is especially the when I know that even if I don’t get the environment I usually love from it, Evermore has so many amazing songs I can see myself listening to for years to come.

[askmalal]

The following audio fragment was mistakenly broadcast to an Adeptus Arbites patrol ship on orbit near the Ptolemy Minor Manufactorum and submitted to the Regent. The age and provenance of the recording is unknown. One speaker, identified as an “Adept” appears to be female.

A second speaks with a gender-neutral voice which the intelligence services opine may well be machine generated.

Both speak in partial binary.

ADEPT: I’m curious about this last report of gene seed tithes.

UNKNOWN: “..What would you like to know?

ADEPT: *unintelligible* felt that there was something unique about *unintelligible* possibly resulting in failed implantation and rapid degredation.

UNKNOWN: Besides her sex, I assume?

ADEPT: Yes.

UNKNOWN: The worst gene-seed implantation record I am aware of had a rejection rate, post prototype phase, of approximately forty three percent, and the seed of that Legion is still used today. *unintelligible* at roughly forty two percent, officially. Arguably the second smallest of the Legions.

ADEPT: Could this have been due to her unique genetic encoding?

UNKNOWN: Again, we circle back to the issue of sex organs, Adept.

ADEPT: I would never seek to judge, based upon that. That is not my purpose.

UNKNOWN: Isn’t it? You are here because you want to ensure that *unintelligible* and her *unintelligible* flawed. And I can tell you with no uncertainty that it was not. Not in the sense of corruption. The lack of the ability to speak was a result of the mutation of the omophagaeum and their subsequent replication. As for sex? The *uninitelligible* is present in roughly three to five percent of the human population. Of those, roughly three quarters are female. And of those who survive to adulthood, perhaps ninety percent, and this is a conservative estimate, are also female. The use of *unintelligible* as an incubator was highly logical and calculated.

ADEPT: *unintelligible* Legion were female?

UNKNOWN: I am unaware of figures. Not many. However, not a single female to survive the implantation of the carapace failed to survive induction. They were in every way just as capable as the males. The problem, Adept, is not with creating female Astartes. It is the expense of the thing. Women are marvelous organisms, whose internal biological capabilities make males look all the more primitive. That means greater complexity in implantation, and hence, greater cost. In the end, it was a question of economy. That dies not mean it was *unintelligible*. Malcador actually advocated for it, you know. Once told *unintelligible* then you would have been sisters.”

ADEPT: I see. And what did the others think of her?

UNKNOWN: *unintelligible* was actually a strong advocate. I think perhaps because of his adopted sister. The Russ was there when we found her. By the time I was seconded, they were old friends. The Eleventh was as close as a brother could be. Uniquely, perhaps because of his own *unintelligible* he was less affected by her... condition.. than most. *unintelligible* and Russ ignored it. He simply doesn’t seem to have cared, however.

ADEPT: *unintelligible* made working with the others difficult, then?

UNKNOWN: Extraordinarily so. Many did so as ordered, not because they wished to do so. Mortarion loathed her. *unintelligible* too, I think, but I cannot speculate as to why. The *unintelligible* liked her very much, but he was ill after prolonged exposure; I think this bothered him. But you must understand that *unintelligible* like *unintelligible* were meant to operate primarily on the periphery. They were carefully isolated. This was something all of them knew. Their participation in the R*unintelligible* was the first and only time they worked with that many of the remaining Legions.

ADEPT: *unintelligible* to implantation. What was the result of implantation in individuals with *unintelligible*?

UNIDENTIFIED: Almost all survived implantation. Most of those forty two percent I spoke of previously did not have *unintelligible*.

ADEPT: And what of the survivors? Legionary serfs?

UNIDENTIFIED: She forbade such terms. But at any rate, there were very few. Ninety percent fatalities with rejection.

ADEPT: Blessed *unintelligible*!!

UNIDENTIFIED: They knew the risks. It was unfortunate. But very few of the Legiones Astartes used conscripts. And in this case, it would have done no good.

ADEPT: Were the results similar with the Eleventh Legion?

UNIDENTIFIED: About fifty percent accepted the gene-seed. Of the those who rejected it, a much higher survival rate. Imperialis Militia candidates.

ADEPT: And those with the psychic mutation?

UNIDENTIFIED: I did not work as closely with them. My work after my time with the Fifth was primarily focused upon *unintellligible* As far as I know, however, no known cases survived.

ADEPT: Which raises a question. The Ordo *unintelligible* librarians?

UNIDENTIFIED: If you reference *cuts out*

Transcript Ends

......

[littlemisssquiggles]

Squiggles! what're your thoughts on Datafarm?(Oscar x Penny)

Hiya Key! 8DSo…you wanna know my thoughts on the Datafarm ship, ey? Uno momento por favour *carefully locks self in bulletproof cage*

So Datafarm…it aite.

I mean I don’t ship it romantically, obviously since I already ship the two characters involved in this ship with other characters. I’ve never been one to multi-ship either. When I like an OTP, I tend to stick with that pairing till the very end; endgame or not. 

So as a bonafide Rosegardener and admirer of Broken Machinesalready, DataFarm doesn’t really appeal to me that way; y’know what I mean.

Not saying it’s a bad ship nor am I trying to imply that I have a problem with it—let me just make that very clear. I also don’t have any issue with anyone shipping DataFarm and I’ve fortunately haven’t had any problematic runnings with anyone who likes Data Farm either. 

So in light of how shipping wars can get messy especially in the RWBY FNDM, I hope that my honest thoughts don’t upset any DataFarm shippers who happen to read this answer post. 

Speaking for myself here, Data Farm falls into the same lane as Lancaster, WhiteRose and Nuts and Dolts for me—another ship for folks who don’t really see Oscar and Ruby as a couple; (which is perfectly fine).

And similar to these other non-RG ships, this squiggle meister likes Data Farm only as a FRIEND-ship. 

I like and mostly see Penny and Oscar as friends so forgive me if the idea of them being paired as a couple is a little weird to me since I neither see them that way nor do I see their relationship ever becomingromantic canonically in the show. 

As a matter of fact, you know one of my favourite Pinehead headcanons is that Oscar would become an apprentice under Pietro Polendina and he and Penny will develop a big sister-little brother type of bondequipped with inside jokes and sibling-like banter since Oscar fits right into their freckled family. 

That’s my take on Data Farm. It’s cool but I only like it as a FRIEND-ship. Nothing else to say 8V

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

[cruzrogue]

Into the Future PartIII

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

————————————————————————

for fanfiction:

Prompt number: Prompt 29 “I’m doing this for you.”

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity 

Rating:PG13

Warnings/Tags:  time travel 

Summary: Felicity lands up time traveling to the moment right after her future self goes with the Monitor. Landing in the bunker and meeting her future kids. They don’t seem impressed. As if that isn’t enough for a young-version Felicity to deal with she needs to head back into her present time and stop Oliver from completing a task on Lian Yu. Keeping the ley lines intact.  

Notes: Felicity Smoak goes to the future and meets three members of Future Team Arrow. 

Part 3 of 4  Prompt 29 “I’m doing this for you.” (on A03 now)

Part 4 of 4  Prompt 30 “I’m with you, you know that.” (next prompt)

Notes: The continuation as Felicity goes to Lian Yu and meets Oliver Queen who has no clue who she is… he’ll be getting a crash course on how to be Smoaked.

Past ones: 

1/2 Prompt number 1 “It will be fun, trust me.”

2/2  Prompt number: 4 “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Into the Future PartIII on A03

 “You’ve got this cool mystery house…”

Interrupting Felicity to make sure she knows once again the name of the abode their currently in. “House of Mystery.”

She shakes her head at the slight difference he surely needed you point out and starts her argument again, “You have this House of Mystery and I have a bookstore full of weird mind altering books. We are living every science fiction dork’s dream right now.”

“It is not a dream per se we are living…”

“John! I meant something entirely different. It wasn’t even regarding anything to do with us personally. Never mind!” She gives up.

He smirks at how irate she can get. In-between Holidays and school vacations John finds himself with a roommate. Felicity Smoak’s key has a way of her entering the house where a room shifts to become this bookstore of hers. He can’t say he has had any significant issues with this fiery spirit that is so gung-ho.

Coming to enjoy her visits. As a loner he shakes his head that this young interesting girl who has been encompassed to save them all from a certain doom. It is so like the fates to play this game. To throw a person into a vast learning curve where each step has dire consequences.

“I’m going to go read, there is this book that has an eerie eye that seems to want me to open it.” His look says it all. “I know it sounds dangerous. The scripts on the outside say futurae, relicum, futurum, relicuum.” She shrugs she knows it has to do with future events. She tried to translate but got these words: rest, remainder, future, residue, mortal remains. Still she going to open this book and hopeful learn something of importance.

“Be weary of this book.”

Winking at John, which to him she can’t do right she says, “Eye shall be.” It just has him shake his head at her dorkiness.

Closing the door behind her she heads to the small desk that she laid the book on. The eye imprinted upon the middle looks so alive. It doesn’t move though because if it did she’d throw it and never touch it again but nonetheless it visually creeps her out. “Okay, let’s do this.” Cracking it open for the first time she can smell the musty old pages. “Ew.” She sees nothing written upon all the empty pages. “Huh?” Closing the book, it is then the illustrated eye opens and she makes an Eep sound as she drops from her chair with the book still in her grasp but doesn’t hit the floor.

No, there is no more floor. Nor walls or ceiling that she has come to recognizes as the bookstore. She’s in silent shock as she is falling through darkness with this book in her hands. It feels like forever but it mere seconds until lights flood her vision and boom she hit solid concrete.

Making a grumbling sound as she lets the book drop to the floor and she massages her rear end. The sting of hitting this floor hard most likely to leave a nice size bruise. Felicity getting up she realizes she is now facing a blonde holding a bow with an arrow pointing directly at her.

It is a male voice that is wearing a suit that comes from behind this scary looking girl that looks to be around her age. “Who are you? How did you get here?”

“Um I don’t even know what here is.” The blonde pulls the arrow back slightly and Felicity even without knowing much about archery knows that it’s not a good sign. “Hey I come in peace.”

“Who are you?” The man says again.

“My name is Felicity Smoak.”

Both of them make a gruff sound. The girl moves slightly closer but looks to want to let the arrow go. “He asked you for your name. So, try again.”

Felicity just taking in this bunker, “Are we underground? Who are you three.” She notices a black male taking the scene in. She has never seen any of these individuals in her life.

“We ask the questions?” Felicity just nods she really doesn’t need to be skewered.

“Like my sister just said. Answer the question.”

“Okay, I was reading. Well, I tried to read it. The thing… The book really has no words on its pages and well I fell through something or another.” Shrugging because that is the truth.

“I swear I will let this arrow go in the next second…”

“Frack.” If she’s going to die at least she will do it in style of being true to herself. “I am Felicity Megan Smoak and I think you are way too pushy.”

“Mia, maybe she is telling the truth. I mean we did see her just fall to the bunker’s floor.” Conner says still keeping an eye on the intruder.

“Mia, cute. Sounds like a cat’s name. I mean I’ve never had a pet but that’s a name I’d most likely call it.”

The blonde moans but lowers her bow. “If you’re Felicity Smoak prove it?”

“What do you mean. Prove it? How many Felicity Smoak’s’ have you met?”

William answers, “One, and she was a great woman.”

“Okay. Not to sound odd or anything but what year is it?”

Conner chuckles but says 2040 which has Felicity gasp. “Oh! I’m way in the future. I’m like fifty-one here. Do I look good for my age, not that…? That it is relevant. You know what? Yea it is. I mean I’m all for brainpower but I’d still like to look good.”

“She sounds like Felicity?” Conner supplies.

“We have a machine that will prove to us your identity.”

“Okay. So, do we know each other?”

William looking at what could be his step-mom in awe. “I doubt it.”

“I meant do you know the future me?”

Connor shakes his head as he holds a smile.

Mia just annoyed and yet excited tells Conner, “Conner, shut it. Just get Archer.”

“Who is Archer?”

William can’t help but laugh, “It something you were tinkling on with when we were living in Hope Springs.”

Felicity’s eyebrow raises, “We do know each other.”

“Let’s just see what Archer says first.” As Conner activates the device. It goes through a protocol mode and states each person in the room. “Okay, you’re Felicity.”

“Yea, I know.” Inspecting the two men their names don’t ring any bells but the little program she might have built kept from telling her the other female’s name in the room. “It doesn’t recognize you Mia. Why?”

Mia still has her eyes on her mother. It’s probably best if she doesn’t know, time travel rules she thinks. Just find out what her mom needs so she can be on her way. “Safety protocol I guess, why are you here.”

“You are very talkative.” Felicity says in a huff. Talking to this girl is like pulling teeth. “If this program is made by me there would be a reason I’d keep you off its grid. We’re related aren’t we?”

Mia a little uncomfortable, “How? How did you know?”

“I’m a genius. Well people get uncomfortable or roll their eyes when I mention it but I’m usually the smartest cookie in a room.”

William laughs, “That’s because you usually are.” Felicity smiles at him. She already liked him before but she likes him even more now.

“You are a cutie. Please tell me you’re Oliver Queen’s son.” Now that gets everyone in the room to gasp. “You said we lived together. You look to be around your early twenties. Only reason I would live with a younger you is if I were your mother, aunt, or some sort of maternal figure. The way you gasped at my name I figuring I’m your mom. This girl here is my daughter. I can see resemblance of family between you both and Mia and I could pass for sisters.”

“Whoa, you really are smart.” Conner says impressed.

Felicity just shrugs but keeps her eyes focused on Conner Hawke. “You on the other hand have been giving my daughter the heart eyes and she scowls at you so there is love problems here but I’d be a good mom and butt out but don’t you hurt my baby girl.”

“Mom!” Mia says and then takes it back, “I mean not my mom.”

“Sure honey. Tell me? Is there more of you?”

“What?”

“I always thought if I had kids which at this stage of my life I don’t want but if I did. Being a single child I always dreamed of three maybe four kids.”

“Four kids?”

“Hey, if I dream. I dream big. I always wanted a bigger family and now that I know of my future husband because he is kind of cute for being an older guy I could see myself not being able to keep my hands off…”

Both William and Mia interrupt. “Please don’t.” “No, ew.”

“Not that time isn’t a huge flux of space and rhythm but there must be a reason I’m here.” Felicity looks at the program. A DNA based program is dangerous. In the wrong hands it could be apocalyptic. “I’m here to change things. Save the world and stuff.”

Mia states, “That is something similar you have said about dad but you’ve always were so vague.”

“Well if I know myself. Protecting you would always be my objective and it seems I made sure you could handle yourself.” Mia smiles her mom had her train from a young age. “Can I look at the program?” She can tell that these three are having a non-verbal discussion. “It’s probably why I was sent here by that book.” Felicity glances at the book still on the floor, “I’m doing this for you.”

William looking at the book. “A book?”

“Hmm hmm. A creepy book. It brought me here to learn something so as much as it rocks knowing I have two cool kids at least I need to do my best to help and maybe even protect your dad.”

“Dad?”

“Yes, Oliver Queen your father. Where is he anyways?” That is when Felicity can feel the mood shift. She gets it. Whatever is supposed to be stopped from happening, happened. “Ah!” She pauses as many thoughts goes through her mind. “Okay, can I look at Archer or not. Maybe there is something else that…”

William takes the device that Conner had and gives it to his step-mom. He’ll keep from telling her he isn’t really her son. Some information shouldn’t be privy it could alter everything. He watches as Felicity takes a sit and begins to understand her handiwork.

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Spending time with her future kids will always be a highlight she’ll carry with her always. It was quite hard to leave them. All around the same age it was like having siblings in a way. No matter she had to leave and somehow now knows that she needs Oliver to not find that monument in Lian Yu.

As the fates have smiled on her she thinks. When she gets back from the future John Constantine is planning on an excursion to that very same place.

“I don’t know. It’s dangerous territory.”

“John, are you trying to get me to beg?”

“No. I doubt you’d go that far my love, you’d find a way to hitch a ride with me. Besides I know how important this all is. I be a damn fool to hinder you.”

“Sometimes you are so sweet.”

“I’m always sweet.”

“Ha, maybe when you’re napping.”

“Whoa, whoa there. You’ve watched me nap?”

“Really John, wouldn’t that be creepy?”

“Only if you got caught.”

“Well, I haven’t watched you sleep but if I did I would have tried to steal those terrible cancer sticks you carry around.”

“They’re cigarettes.”

“Same difference.”

“Good thing I like you.” He extends his arm, “Ready for an adventure?”

To be continued on next prompt…

[mariposalass]

Deep Pain, Deep Sorrow

Summary: The day he died the first time has come, and Philip is having nightmares of reliving the events in his mind. It is not really great, not great at all.

Setting: Mari and co.’s house in Daly City, California, present day midnight; Weehawken Dueling Grounds in Weehawken, New Jersey and the Church family house in New York City, New York, November 20-24, 1801.

Notes: Written up in the last minute in commemoration of RL Philip Hamilton’s death by gun dueling on this day 218 years ago. There are Hamilton musical spoilers and mentions of death, guns, & blood loss along with slight mention of alcohol & hate speech against Alexander Hamilton: if you’re not comfortable with any of them, then skip this and finding something more cheerful instead. Although the ending doesn’t end on a sour note though… Also tagging @husband-of-lucoa​ since I’m basing this on a RP we had on Discord with Marina’s old life dilemma before as a main theme.

Tags: character death, mention of guns, salty language, mention of blood and blood loss, existential crisis, Defying Time, Renewed Potential, Hamilton: An American Musical, Hamilton spoilers, implied mention of alcohol, hate speech, George Eacker bashing (if this is a thing), real life history

It all started with a speech, a goddamn speech on the Fourth of July nonetheless. Bloody Eacker had all the nerves to bash his father like that: no respect to the man who had to work hard from a rough life of illegitimacy and having one parent died & another far away to help bringing a nation out of the shackles of Great Britain’s control, in front of a bunch of people wanting him dead literally or otherwise, poor Theo’s figuratively blind and ambitious father included. Surely, if that fool had known the man personally much longer, maybe it have been less abrasive, but no, he was a foolish twat. 4 months had passed since that slanderous speech and he & an old friend, Stephen Price, had confronted him, both younger men being under some alcohol for some reason, in the Park Theater about that rancid work of words. A verbal fight has borne out of this confrontation and the final straw came in the form of that bastard calling him and Stephen ‘rascals’, which had the young men to challenge him in a dueling match.

Back then, most men, even the smartest and most noble of the lot, wouldn’t simply settle things in a calm and logical manner; with pride on the line, they dealt arguments with small death machines, guns loaded with bullets that could spell death to the unfortunate person on the other side. Eacker would take on Price first a day after, then him on the next day. Four shoots were heard across in Weehawken, but no one died that day. The next day came, and it was him against the foolish twat; with some advice from his father, he had started it with a delope, throwing his first shoot, a move that would ultimately cost him life. Eacker had done the same, for a fool like him, it too was a smart move then.

A minute later, neither one dared to make a move, but then, Eacker aimed for him and shot him above the right hip and into the left arm; he did shot back, but the bullet was useless. The fired bullet from Eacker’s gun was lodged to his arm, spasms came in involuntarily. Everyone was wondering and panicking while Eacker was blindly soaking in this false victory, yet he knew that the victory that fool was enjoying is fleeting and was trying his best to remain calm and collected as Death is slowly arriving at his doorsteps and he was bleeding profusely. Soon, word was spread of the duel and he was then rushed to Aunt Angelica and Uncle John’s house in the city center; Angelica, while still shocked by her nephew’s misfortune, wrote that his attitude during this trying time was unbelievably remarkable for a 19 year old nearing Death.

Horrified by the news of what Eacker did to his firstborn son and rocked by anxiety & worry like every responsible caring parent would, Alexander rushed to Dr. Hosack’s home to ask for medical help, only to learn that the good doctor was already ahead of him at the Church residence by this time, staying with his family to recover before heading to his sister in law’s place. By the time he and Eliza reached him, he was paler than the moon itself, his face ashen from the near loss of blood, almost haggard in appearance.

The older Hamilton was in despair, sobbing and clutching Dr. Hosack by the hand & salted tears running down from his watery eyes, and the middle Schuyler sister, pregnant with her final child at 3 months, even more distraught than she would let on. Pulse was faint, but still heard by Alexander, and yet time was running out for his eldest son. They had stayed by his side all the night along, 14 hours and a confession of faith later however, Death has taken Philip Hamilton away from the world and from his family at 5 AM. Only 19 years old.

He had bolted up from his bed after so many flashes running across his mind, waking up screaming and causing his roommate Ahkmenrah to wake up from his slumber as well. His horrified screams could be heard all over the house, alarming everyone trying to get a good night’s rest. The former pharaoh was startled by the stressful look in his friend’s face and checked if he was okay. Philip honestly couldn’t hide how he was feeling, but didn’t explain it to him fully until everyone else went inside their shared bedroom.

Mari has never seen him this stressed out (beside crunch time on news article deadlines and getting confused over modern day things) in the 11 months they have been together, she had sat beside him and sheepishly held onto his hand as a calming measure. Kirby, saddened to see him in the state he was in, flew onto his bed and hugged him by the side of his torso.

“Hey, what’s happening to you, mate?” Harry questioned him, sensing that there must be something that left him this freaked out.

“Yeah, we want to know why,” Kairi chimed in.

“Come on, Philip, there is never a bad thing to admit it,” Mari gently reminded him, “We’re all ears for you.”

“Nightmares, those nightmares of that duel, agh!” he groaned in agony, “I never thought of reliving those awful memories of it all over again. I didn’t expect it to send my family on a downward slope after that. It was horrible to think about it in your sleep.”

“Well, you told us all about it many times for a long time now, still there is no need to hold back just because of some a-hole trying to peg down your dad like that and shoot you in return,” Mari sighed, not knowing what else to say in return and trying to fight back in tears from her eyes.

“Philip, please don’t feel bad about that. I know that it was very foolish of both you and that Eacker guy to try to shoot each other over a speech and just sort those issues out yourselves, but honestly, I didn’t think that it was all your fault,” Issa tried to reassure him, “Besides, he’s already dead and probably regretting that he shouldn’t harass your father with that speech in the first place.”

“Your father sounds like a very important man indeed, Philip,” Ahk pointed out, “You and your siblings must have looked up to him so much. He have done some messed up things in the past like that affair thing, yes, but never a horribly terrible person at all. I would have loved to ask him questions about how he helped out in freeing and growing this nation and independence with several like-minded men.”

“Poyo...” Kirby sniffed in sympathy as he cried.

“Look, Philip dear. The past is the past, we know that we couldn’t turn back the hands of time to stop it from happening, even the Doctor couldn’t stop it in a couple of cases whenever he goes time-traveling. But it doesn’t mean that you should never be defined by those events. You got this second chance in life and you can still enjoy life even more than ever, so you shouldn’t worry about everything the second time around,” Mari calmly reassured her dearest beloved before remembering something similar that had happened to some friends a year ago, “Funny enough, this whole situation you’re in is quite similar to Marina’s case: Dyl’s friends at the Fortress Team found her unconscious by the sea and couldn’t find anyone willing to pick her up and look after her until Dylan and Lucoa (and later Lady Palutena) stepped in and took her into their large family. Even she was struggling with recovering from her past mistakes for some time, but since you came back and befriended her, she doesn’t have to worry too much about them. She still gets nightmares once in a while, but beyond that, she is doing well.”

“Well, I suppose that I should follow her example then?” he meekly asked her and everyone else in the room.

“I don’t see a problem with that, Pip,” Issa smiled back in response, “She was the first person to reach out to you since you made that public reveal of your return, so she is likely to listen all about it.”

“Since you did in a way helped her recover from her past mistakes and get help from her folks, perhaps we can contact Dylan, Lucoa, and Lady Palutena by morning and see if she can drop by to help you out as well,” Harry added, “Or you can talk to me as well. I have been through a lot of trauma in my life as well, especially with the Killing Cruse, the Horcrux Hunt, the Battle of Hogwarts, and after I disown my canon realm for good. Seriously, if you have some nightmares again, just let us know: we’re all here for you and Mari is always there for you as much as you’re always there for her.

The kind support and reception he is receiving are too overwhelming yet welcoming as everyone gathered around him to give him a warm hug, Mari’s being the tightest of all. He never felt this much closer to home than with this unlikely group of people, animals, and what have you, but it is probably true in a way. It might tempting to ask Ahk to bring his folks back to the world of the living, but that would too much hassle and trouble to ask for. The whole 11 months felt like quite a wild ride for sure and yet it is the most fulfilling he has ever lived through, and he couldn’t ask for more than find his place among these strange modern day waters and have an amazing life with his new unlikely ‘family’ and his beloved darling.

The End

[firstpuffin]

Changing elements of existing characters; race, sex etc

I remember when the F4ntastic Four movie came out in 2015 (and seriously, F4ntastic? What is this, the 90’s again?) and we saw that the new Human Torch was… different. There was some concern, admittedly even from me, about this change. I mean, Johnny Storm is white, right? Why cast a black actor?

  Well I could have let that slide without issue as long as they explained, even with just one sentence to not take up too much time, why his sister is white and him black. Yes, there could be a hundred-score reasons why, but it is unintuitive. Since then I have grown up and don’t mind nearly so much, but this “issue” comes up again and again. The new Doctor in Doctor Who is a woman and there has been rumour about a black James Bond floating around for a while. My favourite superhero died and there was a fuss when he was replaced by a black kid; Tony Stark let a black girl replace him as Iron Man (or whatever name she went by) and there was a fuss both times. Are you seeing the pattern?

  Established heroes are being replaced by children!

  I’m kidding.

  But there is always a fuss when a beloved character is changed and I must admit, a black James Bond would bother me. A female James Bond would bother me; the first and least important reason is that James Bond is an established white male character and a lot of his stories would be different if he wasn’t. The other characters in his stories would treat him differently, he would have had different experiences and would not be the same person.

  More importantly though, it’s kind of insulting (not to me mind, I’m a white male) that people seem to think that the James Bond brand is what’s needed to carry a black or female lead. Seriously, we already know that’s not the case, so make a brand-new character who fits your criteria. If you have the rights then put them in the same world as James Bond, sure. That could be fun.

  A female Doctor doesn’t bother me because it works in-world; they established long ago that it was possible to regenerate into a different sex so it’s cool. It works.

  It’s just a shame the writing was crap. Fingers crossed for the 2020 series.

  There were rumours for a while that Spider-Man, no cross that, Peter Parker was going to be gay in an upcoming movie. This didn’t happen and I’m glad. I probably shouldn’t be but I am. See, I let a lot slide in comic book universes because there is the multiverse and as long as we don’t know which universe exactly the story is based in, there is nothing wrong with Peter being gay. But again, why not make a new character who happens to be gay?

  Isn’t it offensive to think that a gay Spider-Man has to be the original?

  This is where Miles Morales comes in. He’s not a black Peter Parker, he’s a brand-new character. And yes, you could say my above argument should apply here, after-all it’s still the Spider-Man brand. But Spider-Man is pretty unique in that there has generally only been Peter Parker. Yes there is Miguel O’Hara in the future and similar variants but many superhero mantles have been picked up by other characters, but Peter Parker is usually Spider-Man and no-one steps up to take his place if he dies or vanishes.

  Except maybe Ben Reilly, Peter’s clone.

  But even if he wasn’t unique, it wouldn’t matter. Do you know how many Spider-Women there have been? Including another of Peter’s clones?

  So when the Peter Parker of the Ultimate universe dies, Miles Morales comes along and tries to pick up the slack. This is just comic book tradition, and it works. I like Miles Morales. He brings a freshness to the Spider-Man story; seriously, screw Uncle Ben I want to see more Uncle Aaron.

  Speaking of Uncle Aaron, I was a fan of Prowler when it was still Hobie Brown under the mask, but multiverse so whatever.

  So changes thanks to the multiverse is cool, as is taking up another hero’s mantle. What else am I okay with? Well for starters, if something is done well.

  It seems a lot of Iron Man fans weren’t too happy with the Mandarin but, and maybe this is because I didn’t know a whole lot of Iron Man lore, I thought that the twist was amazing. That is how you do a trailer. They set up this mysterious terrorist (yawn) who was dominating the Middle East, only for that to be a façade for the real villain. As a twist this is not only amazing but was set up incredibly well.

  And then there is Michelle Jones from Spider-Man: Homecoming who we discover is MJ right at the end. She is quite possibly as far from the MJ we know as is possible but then again, she isn’t Mary-Jane Watson. I really like what they are doing here, using an established character whose relationship with the hero pops up in nearly every iteration, to hint at future sub-plots without actually being the same character.

 So I’ve been pretty positive about the idea of “changing” a character, so why am I bringing this up? Because it doesn’t matter how justified the change is, the execution can ruin it. Doctor Who is a prime example of this.

I was pretty excited to see a woman portray the Doctor because there is a lot in his (I use the male pronoun for a reason) character that you don’t often see in female characters. Matt Smith was amazing at portraying an old man in a young man’s body; he was a treat to watch. Tennant, Smith and Capaldi were all very good at showing a character who was old, who knew, and had experienced, far more than any human could match. He took the lead, got angry when he needed to and had a fire in his belly, a sliver of ice in his heart, usually hidden by a cheerful and possibly forced optimism.

  To see that kind of female character would be new and awesome.

  Instead we had infantile episodes more focused on preaching than actually telling a story. I don’t know if Whitaker can act, I don’t know if she is up to the job of being the Lonely God, because we didn’t get to see it. I’ve been watching the old episodes, by which I mean 1963 onwards and I’ve just revisited the 2005 onwards series’; two companions really has to be the maximum number of companions and if there is a third then they should be the Doctor’s equal. Otherwise the Doctor gets ignored.

  River Song was never just a companion and while you could say that her presence detracted from his, it was in a good way that allowed the characters to bounce off of each other. In series 11 with Whitaker we saw more of Ryan and Graham’s relationship than we did the Doctor herself, that is when they don’t pause the episode to dump exposition onto the viewers (I’m looking at you, episode 3).

  Of course as far as I’m concerned, the greatest sin occurred in the second episode: she gives up. The Doctor gives up. For no good goddamn reason. Okay so there is a reason. Her time-machine, which has been coming and going for centuries isn’t there at that very moment! She didn’t see it disappear, not to return for another hundred years; it just wasn’t there yet and she knew it was due any moment. What the fu-?!

  Who is this woman? Certainly not the Doctor who chases away fleets of spaceships with a speech.

-what a speech- 

  How about another example? You may have heard of Spider-Gwen (don’t worry she doesn’t actually go by that name, that would be stupid), her series is based on Earth-65 as opposed to the mainstream series which is Earth-616 (who numbers these?). I don’t want to talk about her, although I totally could. I like her and what they wanted to do, even if the execution was poor. No, I’m bringing up the Earth-65 Captain America: a black woman called Samantha Wilson.

  The agenda behind that can already be practically tasted but I prefer not to whine about such things and she seems okay as a character. My problem is that if she went through the same process as Steve Rogers, which she did, then why isn’t she ripped like Steve? Seriously, that guy is jacked in virtually every incarnation so why isn’t she? Because she’s a woman and thus her biology is different? I think it’s safe to say that that is BS and the only reason she isn’t covered in rippling muscle is because it wouldn’t look sexy.

-seriously? Trump is Modok? He’s even quoting Trump! Urgh, the taste of agendas-

  Men can be huge but women? Nope.

  I don’t mind Gwen not being massive, depending on the artist then Peter can be pretty skinny too. But double-standards much?

 I’m going to close up here. I don’t mind changes to established characters so long as it makes sense: taking up the mantle of a superhero, an alternate universe or possible in the established canon; I do however think that rather than changing an established character, a new character should be made. But while I often like to see these new (or sometimes “new”) characters, I will not force myself to like something if the execution is poor.

[nightcoremoon]

Top 10 Badass Female Characters in Fire Emblem Fates (in my opinion)

10- Reina/Peri

Okay so the reason why there's two people in this slot is because they're literally the same archetype. They love blood and killing and violence and blah blah blah, BUT ALSO they have at least some levels of depth and complexity to their character to keep them from being boring one note death machines. Problem is Reina doesn't have any supports with anyone so you don't get to know much more about her, but she protected your mom. Peri protects your older brother. Anyone who keeps your family safe is definitely badass.

9- Kagero

Ah Kagero. You get captured all the freakin time but that's not your fault. You're still the best dread fighter hands down, and definitely my favorite ninja (Kaze is too fragile and Saizo is too slow and Soleil is unavailable to a path). Plus she's an artist and while she may not be the best painter she still loves it and enjoys her hobby. She's a loyal servant and an even more loyal friend, and would put her own life on the line to protect your brother.

8- Anna

Can't fault a girl for war profiteering. Strong independent woman don't need no man, been around the block for centuries and across kingdoms, crack shot with a bow, gold farmer, feisty redhead, runs circles around the L crew, I could go on. She's always on my team and is supported by MC for dem stats and the unity ability in pretty sure procs make a killing but idk. Regardless she's still gr9.

7- Arete

She gets killed like four times before finally going down, and that first time was fairly heroic honestly. Definitely one of the most important people in regards to lore.

6- Camilla

What list would be complete without the best sister??? No not because of her giant tiddies (awesome to look at they may be) or the giant ass window (also awesome to look at) or even the weird incest thing going on (I guess from a Japanese lens that's awesome too but eeehhh) but because she's actually a great combat unit especially if she spends a couple levels as a hero getting those skills. Axes AND magic AND an attack buff means she should always be out on the field. She may be insane and has a lust for blood rivaling Peri, but she's a good sister, a good ruler, and a good unit.

5- Soleil

Oh yes. FUCKING SUPERB YOU FUNKY LITTLE LESBIAN! She's a big glass cannon so I always make her a master ninja and god is she a good ninja. She never gives up even in the face of innumerable odds, she's got great stats all depending on who her mom is, she's SUPER FUCKING GAY FOR GIRLS, oh yeah and she's a teenager leading a band of mercenaries; how fucking cool is that?

4- Rinkah

Stomp on me like you stomp on enemies. Oni savages are like fighters with better stats and both blacksmiths and chieftains have some top notch skills and she's the only one in the game who can do that naturally. She's an adamantly staunch advocate for her people, and makes leaps and bounds of character development through her supports. She's also clearly the most visibly sculpted lady sans for maybe Effie and anyone packing that much solid muscle has got to be pretty fucking awesome.

3- Hinoka

Real talk tho Hinoka is the actual best sister slash mom. Proof? Setsuna and Azama are both still alive somehow. The providence that protects them from traps and getting choked to death has got to be the pegasus knight. She's the second best female offensive lance user in the game (excluding knight/cavalier/merchant/basara/etc who have different roles than pure adjacent physical lance-based dps), especially if she A+'s either Camilla or Setsuna and S's either Xander or Silas. She's got enough variety to her that I feel the Lucina seal would simply be wasted on her. My only complaint is that without reclassify she kinda sucks but hey, just buy a freakin heart seal.

2- Scarlet

VIVA LA REVOLUCION! Tragic you can only use her in one path. I romanced her in my very first playthrough to give stats to my Kana (and also because I knew it would be my only chance to really use her). She deserves so much better than to just be fridge stuffing to give Ryoma that manpain. Dammit Japan. At least she's got the coolest armor design.

HONORABLE MENTIONS TIME!

Azura: the fucking queen of Valla who carries the plot on her shoulders. literally the most important person in canon. deserves better.

Felicia: accidental badassery still counts, right? slap on a flame shuriken and watch heads roll.

Hana: best samurai. like lon'qu but actually with personality. rough and abrasive but has a heart of gold.

Beruka: cold blooded contract killer trying to learn how to feel. similar to Reina/Peri but she doesn't kill for fun, she kills to survive. she's just really good at it.

Lilith: f

Cassita: she bakes you cookies. SHE. BAKES. YOU. COOKIES. okay. when will your fave ever? except for camilla, she baked you cookies too, but camilla has crippling depression, mommy issues, a whole lotta weird borderline incest stuff going on (even though you're adopted so it's okay according to japan... oh, who am I kidding, I fucked leo to have dragon forrest and because FOLGERS COFFEE COMMERCIAL). anyway. cassita only knows that you're armed, dangerous, here to kill the king, and once knew her darling elise, but she shelters your entire fucking army and then BAKES. YOU. NICE HOT FRESH CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES. bless her big beautiful heart. you can be badass without kicking someone's ass.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

1- Oboro

fuck, man, she is just the best. best outfit, best stats, best combat ability, best class, and has a personality and hobbies and interests and likes and dislikes and flaws... I literally cried a little bit when I had to kill her in conquest. she is my favorite character in the whole game and she just kicks so much ass. I can't adequately put it into words, it's just... agh, she's great. 10/10

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 2 Review: Incendiary Incidents

(Old Blog Repost)

Last time, not a lot happened other than going out for food, Donut unlocking his true potential as a contortionist, and alien Norse Gods are a thing that exist. Nothing that unusual for this show. We got the setup, so what’ll they do with it now as the pizza quest continues? Lets find out!

Overview

To the shock of no one, Grif crashed the ship. He rushes everyone through the insults and sidenote to Kai’s… so does she actually have regular contact with their mom? Makes me really wonder about where Grif stands with his family. Anyways, good news is the pizza place isn’t far off! They just have to go through some ominous woods! Grif however opts to go through the less than ominous woods which would take longer, but isn’t… well, ominous. This gets Simmons attention. Enough that, as they make their way through, he pulls Grif aside to find out what his deal is. My shipping heart is happy to see Simmons noticing that something’s not right with his not-boyfriend and getting to the bottom of it… please tell me I didn’t accidentally write an innuendo,

So you knwo that ‘new science’ Grif mentioned last episode? Well here’s that new science: laziness… sort of! So when stuck on the moon (I THINK he called it Iris? So… after Michael and Lindsay’s daughter/Geoff’s goddaughter? AWW!), Grif found a book that Jax left behind about story structure. He found out about ‘incendiary incidents’, which are incidents that jumpstart a plot essentially I tried to look it up to see if that’s an actual term… and all I got was a bunch of fire safety websites. But I’ll take Joe’s word for it and say it’s an actual term. So Grif cutting off Jensen before, crashing the ship deliberately as it turns out due to a message from Locus, and avoiding the ominous woods is to avoid getting into an incident that would jumpstart a plot, and therefore lead them into another adventure. IDK if this is clever fourth wall breaking but… wow. WOW. Even Simmons gets chocked up about how much effort Grif put into doing nothing. It’s counterproductive when you think about it, but still!

Unfortunately for Grif, he IS in a webshow with plot structure and the powers to be aren’t going to let them get out of it that easy. Caboose discovered a glowing lake. And a figure emerges form it. Now the episode summary describes a thought to be deceased team member returning. Oh my Gd, that… that’s crazy! It could anyone! But why?! Tex? Flowers? Shelia? Church? Alpha Church? Yellow Church?! The guy who got killed during one of those 360 videos?! The possibilities are endless! It could be anyone! Who knows what kind of shocking twist it cou.. it’s Donut. Who we all knew was alive. Yeah… well I’ll give them this, it had me hyped for the episode.

So Donut… Jesus Christ. No, seriously, Donut is now Jesus. He walked ont he water for crying out loud! Donut says that he had been taken through time and that they have to go into the past to stop a great danger… and absolutely no one buys it. Now to be fair, Simmons makes a good point later. They already went through a time travel story and it turns out it was just a simulation. So them being skeptical about this happening again, especially since only Caboose saw the body horror last episode and I imagine that he forgot by now, is pretty understandable. But yeah no one buys it and Grif feels relieved about avoiding the story bomb… until Simmons points out that refusing the call is an actual story trope. See Grif? There’s no escaping!

So the Reds and Blues make it to ton and… yeah, it’s been totaled. After talking to Jeremy Dooley… I-I mean a cop… no, I’m 90% sure that was Jeremy. Anyways! After that, Donut tries to convince them of time travel again, and this time has actual proof. He has this new gun which he uses to open a portal to a few days earlier. How did he get this? Well to put it simply, after he got hit by Loco’s machine he got sent back in time and his body got wrecked, but God found him and fixed him. IDK if he means the Christian God or one of these alien Gods, but they’ve picked the Reds and Blues to be his time traveling warriors and has sent back four more guns for them to use to go back in time with. The portals can also only fit two grown humans at once.

Unfortunately, things go downhill quickly. So you guys remember the four armed guy from the trailer? Well the sky goes dark and he appears… oh sorry, typed that wrong. I mean that SHE appears. Yes everyone, we have a legit female villain at last!! I couldn’t get her name, but part of it sounded like Callie… which is my name… UGH… anyways! Yeah, she starts causing chaos and destruction. Donut uses a bubble shield, telling the others to use the portal guns and get away. They comply with everyone pairing off: Cabbose and Lopez, Tucker and Sister, Grif and Doc, and Sarge and Simmons. Donut remains behind, though I assume that he’ll follow them later. Huggins, who has been following the group, chases after Grif and Doc by going through their portal. We follow Sarge and Simmons as they land in… what looks like ancient Egypt. Could be wrong, but we’ll have to wait and find out cause that’s the end of the episode!

Review

Well all of that escalated quickly!

So… gonna talk about Grif first! Cause yes, he’s getting a character arc! I mean I guess it could have ended here since his plan failed, but since Huggins went after him and Doc we could get something on that front. Anyways, so I was right and Grif is actively trying to keep them out of getting into adventures. To the point that he’s putting effort into maintaining laziness… that’s the kind of logic I expect form this show. It wasn’t how I expected it, but I expected it. It’s also good to see that he does still have some hangups from the moon. He seems a lot more… what’s the word? High-strung than normal? He’s also still talking in pretty large bursts compared to normal. I don’t know if that’s just me reading into it too much, but it seems like Joe is trying to show that Grif still has hangups from his self-exile. Which hey, if it means more Grif focus, I am not complaining!

The episode is more about plot than the last one. Last week was the setup, and now the payoff is here. So first, Donut. He was written SO WELL. One of the issues last season was that Donut was pretty much a background prop and they even forgot to put him in scenes. Joe must have realized that this was a problem cause he’s already fixing it BIG TIME. Donut’s had shit happen man! He comes off as slightly mroe serious and competent in a sense that he actually knows the gravity of the situation. But he still feels and acts like Donut, which is good! It shows that he CAN be useful and competent, but without sacrificing his personality. Heck he only spouted out one innuendo and it was just to prove that it was really him. I am digging this new direction!

So turns out that the four armed guy si a terrifying alien goddess of death… I dig it! So someone pointed out that this character is similar to Hela from Thor: Ragnarok. SO it REALLY seems like Joe is basing the villain off Norse mythology… or just the Marvel Cinematic Universe verisons of them. Either way is fine. So I’m not sure if… Kali-Ra I think is her name? Anyways it doesn’t seem like she’s with the same group as Huggins cause I imagine that she would have reacted. I also don’t think that this chick is the main villain since DOnut referred to a ‘devil man’, but still she is terrifying and badass and I LOVE it. We finally got a female main villain guys! Joe is the hero we’ve waited for! Yay! Also Sarge asking he rot marry him, Of course he’d want to marry a violent death goddess… I’ll totes ship this!

Alright, time travel! SO ever since Joe mentioned it in that post a while ago, I’ve… been skeptical. Time travel in pretty much every show tends to be confusing and create tons of plot holes. It even happened in RvB before with Season 3 before Burnie retconned it as a simulation. Didn’t save my head from imploding, but still that’s a fair excuse. Hopefully Joe has a VERY good idea on what he’s doing with this, but I’ve been warming up to the idea since then. It’ll be fun to see the guys in different time periods at least! Form how it looks, Sarge and Simmons may go tomb raiding it it really is Ancient Egypt. I mean Sarge vs mummies, there is no way that cannot be epic!

So the gang is being split up, and the pairs are interesting! Sarge and Simmons sin’t that much of a surprise and tbf it’s been a long time since they had some one-on-one time. Simmons has also grown out of being a kissass quite a bit, so it’ll be interesting to see how that goes. Caboose and Lopez are together… so I’ just going to assume that in every animated RT production, Burnie is just meant to be stuck with/get annoyed with Joel in one way or another. Cause that is the impression I’m getting. Tucker and Sister are together, so I imagine flirting… okay I’m good with that! Hopefully Sister gets some focus to herself that isn’t just Tucker trying to hit on her, but still I’m good with this!

And finally Grif and Doc… that one is gonna be interesting. Grif in particular seems very grudgey against Doc for the betrayal and we just saw Doc save Grif form getting crushed by tackling him into the portal. Which props to Doc for that BTW. Still with that and since they’re 100 on an adventure now, Grif’s not gonna be a happy camper. Also if O’Malley gets active and starts going into Grif’s past issues like in S13, I… imagine that’ll be rough for our favorite orange boy. Also Huggins chased after them, so I assume that they’ll be discovering her soon. Which if she pals up with them…t hat could be really cute tbh! I am all for Grif and Doc shenanigans with a a ball of light! But yeah, this could lead to a LOT of things and I’m very interested in seeing how this plays out.

Final Thoughts

It was great! Admittedly this is a lot mroe bizarre than RvB has been in a while but it’s also RvB where Grif still being alive after getting hit by a tank and having Simmons organs thrown into him improperly isn’t ever questioned. Alien Norse Gods? Ia m all for it! Donut being Jesus? Awesome! More setup for Grf having a character arc? HELL YEAH MAN. It was a well done episode, progressing the plot without wasting any time, gives us a glimpse at how dangerous our villains our, gives us a badass female villain, and sets up everything for the episodes ot come. There’s definitely a feeling of epicness compared to last time, so it looks lie Joe is taking the armature gloves off and giving us one Hell of a story. I am very excited to see where it leads!

[secretshinigami]

Title: It’s the little things Author: @hazblogs, Arthur For: @naive-archiviste Pairings/Characters: L Lawliet, Light Yagami, Watari, Misa Amane, A (mention), Beyond Birthday (mention) Rating/Warnings: Teen, TW for mental health discussion, dermatillomania, slight transphobia, vague description of a panic attack, some internalised ableism Prompt: 1. A story of how L and Light meet a psychologist and unexpectedly get diagnosed with something, L with Asperger’s syndrome, Light with high-functioning sociopathy. Author’s notes: Hey hey hey !!!! Here’s your gift for the sse !!!! I’m so happy to have written for you and as you’ve certainly noticed I had a lot of fun filling out your prompt. The Ryuk one was simply amazing but I don’t have the skill to write poetry (one day, one day ;^; i will maybe be strong enough !). Thank you for participating in this exchange, and I do hope you enjoy this little text. There is no pairing because you didn’t say if you wanted one and I thought it was safest not to put any, just in case. I also had… lots of fun putting some of my headcanons in, I hope you don’t mind.

This text got… kinda long haha, it’s about 7k ? And I can’t find the readmore button, which might make viewing the post complicated, sorry for that.

See you on AO3 where I will also post this story, I hope everyone likes it !

Thank you also to the mods of sse for making this exchange possible !

It’s the little things

Light looks at the therapist with nothing but distant interest – this could be useful, this could help him get hold of new techniques, this woman knows about making people talk after all. He can’t bring himself to care. Misa insisted he come, he’s here for her, no matter how stupid that sounds to him, and he’s not here to… what. Get help ? Help for what ?

He’s been silent too long and the therapist fidgets. She’s a cute woman, he thinks offhandedly, but he can’t bring himself to care. He wants to get out of here.

“The outpatient program is very nice, you’ll see,” she says eventually, probably sensing that if she doesn’t speak first, no conversation will take place. Light still isn’t sure he wants to answer, but she adds, “There’s group therapy, so you’ll meet other people who have similar issues. Well, not exactly the same,” and Light sighs internally, because what issues is she talking about, he barely opened his mouth, “but still, I think it’ll be good for you to meet other people who empathize with what you’re going through.”

This time, he actually sighs. There’s a headache starting behind his temples and his leg feels jittery, which is never a good sign. But Light is good, he doesn’t lose his temper, and waits until the end of the appointment to say, “I don’t think I need to come back.”

“I know it’s hard,” the woman answers with a sympathetic smile, “but you’ll see, it gets better. With time – and with dedication, but I’m sure you’re a very driven person, considering how much you managed to achieve in such a poor condition.”

He wants to scream. “Poor condition”, my ass. Light is perfectly ok.

His left leg has started to bounce slightly and he can’t make it stop.

ooo

L looks at the man with something akin to disgust. No, that word is too strong to be conciliated with his unending disinterest. The therapist is talking to Wammy and L drowns them out easily, focusing on the last case he had. She was found dead in her bed, front door left ajar, and not a speck left to prove there had ever been an intruder. It was such a boring case he didn’t even need to leave his room to solve it. Better this way. Less people to see him and figure out. He always hates when people figure him out.

“Ryuuzaki, please, pay attention,” Wammy says, probably not for the first time. L doesn’t really care, and wouldn’t have reacted if the nickname hadn’t been so bothering to him. Why they had to come to Japan to do this, he doesn’t know, but at least it’s better than in the States where someone might have connected the dots. He’s not as popular in Japan, if “popular” is a thing he even is.

“Ryuuzaki.”

This time, Wammy’s voice is stern enough for him to be considered somewhat serious. L thinks about why they’re here, but this time with his head tilted up, so he can pretend he’s listening. Wammy has some strange ideas. Some work, like the washing machine, some… some are like this one. “Oh, learn how to fire a gun, Lawliet, it’ll sure come in handy. Learn this, learn that, what am I gonna do with you dear god”. Ok, he might have added the last part himself – but it’s true. L sees it in the way he holds his head when L forgets to sleep or when he makes some rude comment again. Though L doesn’t personally think he’s very rude. People are.

That’s it, he thinks.

“…ki, can you repeat what I’ve just said ?” the therapist says, his eyes fixated a little too low to be looking at L’s face. Not that he’s been staring back – he actually has no idea what the man looks like – but still, this is strange, people usually insist they look at each other “in the eye” or something resembling that. L belatedly realises that he should answer. He has no idea what the man said.

Wammy sighs, like he knows L wasn’t paying attention, and the therapist repeats, “You’ll be attending group therapy as well as weekly sessions with me. I’ll also have meetings with Mr Watari, since he is your designated caretaker. Is that alright ?”

L wonders if he’s allowed to say no. Probably not, so he nods, and puts his head on his knees. They are bunched up against his chest, his bare feet clinging to the edge of the seat. He didn’t even notice he kicked his sneakers off… Wammy is gonna chide him about that afterwards, he’s sure. Oh well. Never mind. At least this time he wasn’t forced to wear socks.

“Stop biting your thumb,” Wammy says when they exit the therapist’s office. “You’re bleeding again.”

“Hm,” L murmurs, without really paying attention. “This therapist didn’t even ask for my first name.”

“That’s because he knows who you are,” he answers.

“Oh. That’s a bother, then. Why not call me L ?”

“What if people listen ?” Wammy gently says back, because he knows L hates nicknames.

L doesn’t answer, kicks his shoes off again, and dozes out for the rest of the car ride back to their hotel room.

ooo

“Light !” Misa’s shrill voice exclaims. “I knew it !” She sits down in front of him, and almost tears his newspaper apart in her haste to put it away. “I knew you weren’t going to therapy ! The doctor called me, you know ? She says you haven’t been to the last three sessions. And you’ve never even gone to group therapy.”

“It’s none of your business,” Light answers through gritted teeth. “Who are you to nag at me like that, my girlfriend ?”

Misa’s face flashes briefly with hurt before closing off. “Well,” she says, “I’m your friend.”

Right, Light thinks. Friend. He doesn’t really have any, does he ? No people close enough to him to be called that, though Misa is in fact closer than most – closer than anyone but Sayu, actually, but Sayu is his sister so it’s normal, it makes sense, while Misa is just someone who invited herself in his life without even bothering to ask if it was ok. Light doesn’t like how people look at him when he is with Misa, how their eyes go big and how they ask if they’re dating. Misa always says yes, partly to bother him, partly because it helps her with, he doesn’t know, PR stuff maybe ? Or just to be left alone. They did meet because someone was stalking her, after all.

“Light ?” she eventually says, soft and cautious. “You don’t have to go if you really don’t want to, but I am your friend, I want to help.”

“Fine,” he answers, teeth still clenched. “I’ll go to the next appointment. I’ll book one when I go home.”

“I already did,” Misa says, sheepish. “Same time next Saturday. You know, I also talked to the doctor you saw at the hospital – he’s been wondering where you’ve gone, after you left so abruptly.”

The hospital ? Light hoped he’d never hear about it again in his life, unless maybe he went there because of a job accident, but certainly not because Misa thought it was appropriate to call his father on him. There was no reason for his stay there – short stay, if he may had, he had been discharged after only three days, but it was the most humiliating experience of his life. He’d barely left his room, talked to no one but the nurses, and pretended to swallow the pills they gave him without even considering taking them.

He isn’t – what, crazy ? No, he isn’t crazy. He was just tired, and he is sleeping better now, and there is no need for Misa to interfere. His next appointment would be better used by someone else, who wouldn’t waste the therapist’s time with non-existent problems.

ooo

L watches a speck of dust float through the air, suspended in between people’s heads, like it’s held up by a beam of light, before it flutters away and disappears. It forces him to pay attention to the person the dust disappeared behind, a young man with chestnut hair and very tired eyes. He doesn’t have dark circles though, and L briefly wonders if he wears concealer.

He does, L realises after the man moves and a sheen of sweat makes the skin under his eyes appear too textured for it to not be make-up. It’s applied so sloppily even Beyond could do better, which is saying a lot. There’s traces of concealer on his cheeks too, and L briefly wonders if he should do the same, wear concealer and stop people from looking. But then again, that’d mean using pretty much an entire bottle of concealer in a week, and though he doesn’t lack money, he certainly does lack the motivation to hide the various rashes on his skin. Or whatever it’s called when it’s you who scratched it.

“Welcome !” someone says, with a cheerful voice that doesn’t sound too forced. “Group therapy for the adults who are younger but not young adults – or as we liked to call it, the ‘not old yet’ group therapy !”

She has a casual shirt on, with some words in Japanese that mean “sun” and “moon”, and L has to tear his gaze out of her breast area where a pretty necklace is dangling – it’s a present, she has a fiancé – yes she has a ring, no tan mark yet, it must be new, hence the present – ok, this has to stop. He’s not here for that.

Contrary to what he assumed, L has been enjoying group therapy. It’s like detective work but easier and with more crazy people in it – he’s not quite sure he’s part of them yet but the group has organically absorbed him without asking questions. So there’s that. He has a group now. Not friends – he’d laughed at the idea of having friends, once, and Beyond acted offended, and then Adeline cried, and he never heard the end of it. But it’s a funny group nonetheless.

“Today, we say hello to a new member – say hi to Yagami Light ! Yagami-kun, this is the three pm group therapy… well, it’s your group now.”

Light looks utterly disgusted as a chorus of “Hi, Yagami-kun” echo around the circle. They’re all seated down on little cushions, and Light is in a seiza so perfect it must hurt. L has opted for his usual pose, knees drawn to the chest, and he sways lightly from side to side as he inspects the members present in the circle today.

“The topic for today is – who remembers ? Yes, Mikami-kun ?”

“Diagnosis,” he says, lowering his head with a frown – not that he has any other expressions, but L still finds it funny to remark on it in his head.

“Right !” the nurse says. L is bad with names, so “nurse” will have to do for now. “So, anyone wants to share their diagnoses with us today ? Or the process of getting one ?”

Nobody answers. It’s usually like that, L noticed, no one answers in the first ten minutes and then a few scattered comments. Mostly from the people in outpatient – the people in inpatient seem to have a harder time making things out, deciding if speaking isn’t worth their time or if it’ll alleviate some of their boredom. They look so bored, that’s what intrigued L the most about them, how their eyes looked empty. He sees something else there now.

Light still has that disgusted expression on, and it only deepens as someone dares to speak. She’s a young woman, probably not much older than L himself, and she shares her story with being diagnosed as bipolar II with the crowd. They all nod, like they know what it means, and L’s brain supplies the textbook definition before he raises his hand to ask – “Bipolar II disorder is a form of mental illness similar to bipolar I, with moods cycling between high and low over time. However in bipolar II the ‘up’ moods never reach full-blown mania. These less intense elevated moods are called hypomania”. Interesting, L thinks. Or not, as the woman drones on and on about how difficult it was for her family to accept her diagnosis. He’s sure it must have been, considering how private and closed-off the Japanese are, compared to the English, and even there, some people never care until it’s too late.

Himself included. Adeline would smirk sadly and turn her back on him if she saw where he was now.

ooo

There’s some pressure in the air and Light isn’t sure it comes from the unblinking gaze of Mikami, who hasn’t stopped staring at him since he arrived. When he finally locates the source of the eyes he felt resting on top of his head, he’s not surprised to see it’s one of the weirdest in the group – staring is usually considered too polite by most people, though obviously Mikami and the strange man don’t seem to understand.

Light doesn’t participate in the discussion at all. First because he has nothing to say, having started therapy sessions the day before, but mostly because he finds the idea of sharing something so personal to be abhorrent to his basic need for privacy. Mikami also doesn’t speak much, except for correcting people on their own diagnoses, which is funnier than it should be considering the man is so stuck up he is half expecting to see an off-switch button on the side of his head. There isn’t one, but Light has a nagging need to check from up-close, to dig his fingers into his own head and find that damn off-switch and tune his fucking brain out for ten seconds.

Admitting that, even in the comfort of his own head, scares him. What is it that he needs to run away from ? If not his intellect, what is left that makes him valuable ?

The end of group therapy is a welcome distraction. “It’s not as long as you probably expect,” the therapist had warned, “so don’t hesitate to speak if you feel the need to”. Right, he thinks. If he feels the need to.

Immediately after the nurse dismisses them, Mikami turns to him, and unfolds a whole speech on the importance of freedom of speech. He hasn’t even introduced himself. Light sighs, and sighs again when he turns to find the strange guy on his other side.

“Light-kun, he says, my name is –” he narrows his eyes, then, and continues, “are you with the police ?”

Mikami’s eyes open wide and he gapes a bit, before frowning some more and excusing himself. Light is left staring at the other guy’s strange face and mannerism – he is biting his thumb and scratching what looks like a scab on his shoulder, which, with the dark circles under his eyes, gives him the appearance of a very frog-like raccoon.

“I am,” Light says carefully.

The other man smiles, like this is a big secret he’s proud of guessing.

“You can call me Hideki Ryuuga,” he says, which is a ridiculous false name to give. “But most people call me L.”

“Oh,” Light says, because there’s nothing else he can say without being impolite – and then it clicks. L. That man is casually saying he’s the best detective in the world. Go figure. People here definitely give him the creeps.

ooo

L ticks when the therapist says his name for the seventh time. Or at least that’s what he says, that he’s called him seven times, but L really didn’t hear – he was focused on the paper the man gave him, with some basic questions about his mental health.

“What does it mean, ‘repetitive behaviours’ ?” L asks, while scratching his left leg. There’s a rash visible there already, he’s probably been scratching for a good ten minutes. Fuck. At least Wammy isn’t here to nitpick at everything.

The therapist sighs, and takes back his paper without a word. Oh well, L tried. He’s checked off a good quantity of boxes, but there are some questions that just seem absurd – of course people like routine, of course people have foods they don’t like. What kind of psych eval is that ?

His brain zooms out of his present situation and goes back to the nearest interesting puzzle. Presently, its name is Light Yagami, and L has already used up most of his detective resources tracking the life out of this guy. It’s a wonder he’s not a serial killer, if L may say so, considering the absolutely perfect record he has, like he’s never taken a wrong turn in his life. Apart from maybe being gay, but that’s hardly a bother. L doubts he knows himself, considering how uptight he seemed. Yeah, that’s it, closeted, model policeman Light Yagami. God this man is uninteresting, yet somehow L finds his attention snaps back to him without fail.

Like there’s something more.

He didn’t look like he belonged at a group therapy, maybe because he thought so hard that if he willed himself away he wouldn’t have to stay, but L can detect something brewing underneath, a darkness that doesn’t have a name yet.

What is he on about anyway ? It’s not like him to want to talk to someone, and to reveal his identity within the first five seconds of speaking. It’s not like him and yet this is maybe the most spontaneous he’s been in years. Wammy should be proud, really. Or… yeah, L made the good choice by not telling him. Old man would worry his hair out.

Next time they see each other is in the corridors of the institution. L blinks once, twice, and catches up with Light. He blinks, too, and his mouth turns into a sour little line.

L does what he does best: puzzles.

“Do you like tennis, Light Yagami ?”

ooo

Weirdo L is here again and is asking him – what ?

“I don’t think they have a tennis court here,” he answers.

“Oh,” the man says, “I’m not in inpatient.”

Really ? Light would never have guessed, and he says so without any intention of joking. That seems to amuse the man – Hideki Ryuuga, his mind supplies, also known in his mind as “gigantic-assface”. Well, that was a bit mean. He hopes the man can’t see it – he hopes he hasn’t been to disdainful, too harsh, too impolite, he hopes he didn’t come across as…

Breathe. If there’s one thing three sessions of therapy have taught him, it’s that his face is the perfect ask he wants it to be, so he has nothing to worry about. He is perfectly neutral and the man isn’t upset.

“I haven’t played in years, why ?” Light says, trying to keep his tone conversational.

“I don’t know, it was the first thing I thought I’d say to see if you’d answer. You seem like a pretty harsh guy, Mr Policeman.”

“Don’t call me that,” Light can’t help but hiss, because so far three people have reacted negatively to learning that, and he isn’t fond of the look of vague fear and distrust it evokes. Why, he doesn’t understand, but the police doesn’t seem well-liked in the institution. Maybe it has to do with… His mind comes up blank. The police doesn’t seem to be in the wrong.

“Would you mind a match ?” the man says, swinging his arms next to his face like he holds a tennis racket and isn’t afraid to use it. This makes him appear even thinner under his baggy clothing, his shirt three sizes too big and his jeans barely hanging on his hips. Light can see that this is misleading. His movements are a bit sluggish, like he hasn’t slept (which would explain his very pronounced dark circles) and like he eats poorly (which could explain his acne, is that acne ?).

Light knows his skin isn’t in the best of shapes either, but it’s because… of oil, probably, he has been eating a bit of greasy food. Takeout isn’t that great, but he doesn’t have the time or energy to cook, and it’s easier to order than to go down to the convenience store or the hole-in-the-wall next to his place. Less chance of meeting people this way, though that does make him seem like a recluse, which isn’t true at all. There’s a sneaky voice whispering in his ear that it’ been a while since he’s had clear skin, and that it all started in middle school, but who doesn’t have some acne back then ? It’s normal – he’s normal. It’ll be ok soon.

It’s already ok.

“Why not ?” Light finally answers, and he feels like it’s been a while – since the man talked and since he played tennis both, but it’s fine, he doesn’t look bothered.

“I already have your number, I’ll text you the details,” the man says, and Light squints. “I’m L, remember ?” he says. “Got all the data I could ever need on you.”

“That sounds like a threat,” Light coolly lets out, because he needs to say something – is he really L ? He thought that was just the crazy speaking, but maybe there’s some truth to it. He’ll see, if he receives a text, then, it might be true.

Maybe-L smiles and cocks his head to the side, his expression more frog-like than ever.

“It might be.”

ooo

[To: Light-kun] hry itd l

[To: Light-kun] its hll

[To: Light-kun] srry the phone is too smll

[From: Light-kun] Are you really L ?

[To: Light-kun] couldn u tell

[From: Light-kun] No, I could not.

[To: Light-kun] Event shared: tnnis mtach

[From: Light-kun] Are your fingers shaking ?

[To: Light-kun] nno this phone is juts oo small

[From: Light-kun] Can you even play tennis ?

[To: Light-kun] yea y.?

[To: Light-kun] see u on court yeggami

[From: Light-kun] That’s not how it’s spelled.

[To: Light-kun] i kno lol

ooo

Light looks at his therapist with something akin to horror.

“I am not taking pills,” he says, trying to hide the tremor in his voice. “I will not.”

“I know it sounds scary,” she answers, and it’s not that, she doesn’t understand, “but I do think it would help you greatly with your anxiety.”

“What. Anxiety,” Light manages to spit out, because oh no this is getting out of hand he knew he shouldn’t have come this isn’t how it was supposed to go no no no-

“Yagami-san, calm down,” the therapist says, “you’re hyperventilating. Please remember the breathing exercise I taught you. Breathe in for five seconds, and out for ten. I’ll count down for you, here, listen to my voice.”

Light distantly hears her start a countdown, but he’s too far gone – this is like the time Misa called his father, oh god, he’s gonna be hospitalised again, fuck, this isn’t how things were supposed to go. This isn’t the plan.

What was the plan anyway ? He’s right where he wants to be, the youngest policeman in his unit, fresh out of university, it’s just. It’s great, right ? It’s not like the feeling of emptiness keeps him awake at night and that his job is so boring he could sleep on it and still manage to be decent. It’s not like this isn’t what he wanted at all. It’s not.

Maybe it is.

That’s one thing the therapist says – Mrs Onaka, he remembers, he should start calling her by her name – that “bad” isn’t a bad word. That sometimes things are bad and it’s ok, that sometimes you’re not sure and it’s fine, that sometimes you don’t have a plan and all you have to go with are shady guidelines like that time he built a shelf for his apartment and Misa lost half the nails and they still made it work.

“It’s good, Light,” Mrs Onaka says, very softly. “You’re calming down, that’s good.”

“I- I don’t want to-”

“Don’t try to speak yet, it’s ok. We won’t try the pills if you really don’t want to. But I think they could help,” she adds, still it that maddeningly soft voice, like he’s gonna break if pushed too far.

He wonders if he would.

Sometimes letting go seems like the better option, but that loss of control is so scary, so unlike himself – holding on feels like the only other option to… what exactly he doesn’t know, but the alternative is darker and scarier than he gives it credit for.

Light leaves the room with a prescription, sweat stains on the back of his shirt, and the taste of ash and loss in his mouth.

ooo

The tennis court is dimly lit when L gets there, the net barely visible in the shadows, sunbeams reaching the ground and lighting up dust on their way – Light must not be there yet, or he would have turned on the light. Haha. That was a joke. He’s happy he made one, it so rarely happens.

L takes the opportunity to pause, and reflect on his quite unusual behaviour. Wammy’s face when he said “I made a friend, we’re gonna play tennis” was a nice cherry on top, no matter how egregious that lie was. Light is not his friend, not for a long shot, not someone he’d trust with something else than his name, which is already a lot considering the circumstances.

There’s noise on the court, and someone enters from a door on the other side. It’s Light, he realises, but he must not have seen him, because he stands in one of the beams, facing the sun, his eyes straining to stay open in the face of unblinking light. Something should be said about the total abandon Light looks up with. For a man who seems to live shrouded in lies, that’s a lot to say.

L takes a few more seconds to carve this moment into his memory, to close his eyes and let the silence put a mark on his face like the ones he already has – only this one is beautiful, only this one is shining and bright and everything he’s not.

“Light-kun, fancy meeting you here,” he says at last, because he needs an ice breaker and he’s nothing if not the most unsubtle twat.

“You invited me.”

Light is dressed in tennis shorts and a sports t-shirt, which kinda contradicts his claim of not having played tennis since middle school, but maybe this is just his regular sports attire – he is a policeman after all, he must have to stay healthy, though L doubts he’s the type to do all the dirty field work, he must be an office worker, yeah, that’s actually the most likely choice, his nails are pretty long for someone who should use them. Maybe he’s just too unbothered to cut them, whatever the reason. L knows that without Wammy, he would be.

Maybe that’s what Wammy meant. That being unable to take care of oneself leads to this, whatever Light is, and that it’s bad – that it’s a problem. L can understand, faintly if at all, that the issues with him are similar in some way, and that Light isn’t so far from him in terms of uselessness. Funny, since Light would definitely hate being compared to L in any capacity, and he doesn’t feel particularly inclined to be compared to an uptight law officer as well.

“So, you you wanna play ?” L ends up saying, because they need to say something otherwise the tension will start to build up and L isn’t sure Light would react well to that. Sports are an excellent way of releasing tension, which is why Wammy insisted he do some, and thankfully they sticked. L does think he’d have gone crazy without a physical relief for all the energy he sometimes feel brewing inside.

“That’s what I came hear from,” Light answers, and all L hears is, “I came to win”.

ooo

There is something deeply satisfying in the swing and release of tennis. Something in the way the ball hits the racket, a little kick he gets from smashing as hard as he can. Strangely enough for someone who seems to have minus one muscles, L meets him where he stands, fighting back with surprising force and accuracy. There’s a weird moment where Light thinks he’s gonna lose the first set but they end up with a tie, and they play the rest of the afternoon without keeping score, each ball hitting the wall behind them with much more strength than necessary.

“I didn’t think you’d play this well,” L ends up saying, barely out of breath – or hiding it well. Light is truly out of shape, even more than he thought he’d be. He’s panting so much he has a hard time uttering an answer – a whispered “Likewise”, that feels a little like admitting defeat. No matter what he lost, it still feels bitter.

“Do you want to go home, Light ?” L asks, eyeing him with what he can only guess is mock concern – L doesn’t seem interested in other people’s wellbeing, that he’s sure of.

Light nods, not daring to speak yet, and he can only feel some sort of stale pride at the thought that even in this bad a shape he still managed to hold up to L. Who thought the best detective in the world would have that much stamina ? For someone who doesn’t even look like he goes outside… he truly is exceptional.

Incredible.

Model citizen.

Perfect future.

The words ring in his ears, reminiscent of those said to him a long time ago, and suddenly Light wants to throw up. What was he thinking ? That he’d make a friend ? He doesn’t have friends. He has Sayu, and he reluctantly has Misa, but… that’s all he needs. That’s more than he needs – he isn’t paying for therapy to meet weirdos and play tennis.

“I’ll go home now,” he says eventually, and as he makes a move to gather his stuff and leave, L grabs his arm.

“Wait, Light. Would you like a rematch ?”

“No,” Light ends up answering. He doesn’t think it’s a good idea. He doesn’t think at all before shaking L’s grip off and walking straight for the exit.

ooo

“And we had a tennis match, it was good,” L’s voice trails off. He hadn’t planned on talking about it to the therapist but he expressed an interest in L’s friends, and seemed kind of distraught when L answered that he didn’t have any, and never had. “That’s no good,” he said, “you certainly must have had meaningful connections ?”

He did. Those, he managed to form, somehow – with Beyond, and Adeline, as best as they could, but it never went far – he always pushed them away, and Beyond was far too dangerous, and Adeline was far too sad. He had no need for them in his life, and he doesn’t regret this decision per se, it’s just that sometimes people look at him like he has two heads when he says he’d rather be alone, and Adeline, the poor girl, he never understood why she couldn’t let go…

“I guess I made a friend, yeah,” L says, and Wammy smiles from his seat – he knows that’s not true, but this is all about pretending, right ? Learning how to make do well enough so that people don’t ask questions. So that he can take care of himself when Wammy is gone, which shouldn’t take too long, to be honest.

The rest of the session is a blur, L being too interested in the pattern on the therapist’s carpet to really pay attention, but there is at least something positive in all of this. L is learning stuff. It hadn’t happened in a while, and that’s mostly the reason why he agreed to therapy. So he could lift up the boredom a little, have a challenge. He likes challenges. That’s a quality, right ? See, he has some.

ooo

[To: L] Stop sending me messages at five am.

[From: L] bt ymur awake

[From: L] i knew it

[To: L] What is that supposed to mean ?

[From: L] that u dont slep

[To: L] And ?

[From: L] idk i was rihgt

[To: L] Leave me alone.

[From: L] y??

[To: L] You’re not my friend.

[From: L] wataris guna b disapointd

Light looks up from his phone just in time to see Mrs Onoda enter the room, and he shuts it off quickly before she can see anything when she walks around his chair to her own. The dark circles under his eyes are proof of what L is saying – he truly hasn’t been sleeping well – and this time, he was too tired to even bother with concealer. He won’t see anyone of importance today, only Misa and Mrs Onoda, so it doesn’t matter much.

“Hello, Yagami-kun,” she says when she finally sits down. “How have you been ?”

“Fine,” he grits out. “I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Yes ?” she says, tone hopeful.

“I want to stop going to group therapy. It’s not helping me, and it’s a waste of everyone’s resources.”

Another reason is, the people there give him the creeps – L, Mikami, that bipolar woman who manages to speak every time about something inconsequential. He doesn’t belong there. He’s not like them, he’s not… he isn’t crazy.

“I was afraid you’d say that…” Mrs Onoda says. “Alright, then. I think it’s better if we see each other every week instead.”

Wait, what. No. This isn’t what he meant – more sessions ? He doesn’t need – he’s not – he didn’t think she’d find it necessary, what is wrong with her ?

What is wrong with him ?

ooo

They see each other again, for a coffee. They talk about everything but themselves, and L finds the conversation flows much more freely than anticipated. He doesn’t find it that bad. Maybe he truly is making a friend, no matter how weird it may seem.

They have a fight. It’s about something inconsequential – well, L doesn’t think it holds that much importance, but Light obviously does, since he did punch him – and it brings about a whole new set of interaction requirements. L doesn’t think it’s so bad, doesn’t think of this as much more than a social experiment, but it does tell him about how invested Light could be. It reminds L of Beyond, once again, of dark places and strawberry jam, of cold fingers in his and a hand on his mouth. It’s not a good thing.

But perhaps, it’s too late to stop.

L wants to make a quip but the fire in Light’s eyes is blazing, a sure sign he needs to stop. Well, he should have five remarks ago, or, rather, he shouldn’t have started this conversation at all. Light is shaking his fist like he can’t believe he hit him (that’s sure to bruise, and L will poke and tear at the skin until it bleeds just so he doesn’t have to focus on his boring new case).

“I can’t believe you’re so nonchalant about it,” Light says eventually, no trace of the hurt in his voice. Only hard, cold anger – only stale, rehashed bitterness. “If someone harassed her because she was transgender, you should have stepped up.”

“Adeline knew what she was doing,” L answers. “She didn’t need a babysitter. Neither do I,” he continues, just to test the waters.

Light hasn’t figured him out. Or maybe he has and doesn’t care, which would be a first. How it is to be trans, L, he can hear at all times. How does it feel how does it look, do you want this, that operation, do you need – he doesn’t. He wants to be left alone, he wants to deal with his hurt like a small animal, licking the wounds and healing at his own pace. Adeline wouldn’t approve, but he doesn’t care.

Light’s look is fearless.

“If you needed anything someone should have helped you get it,” he says, “acceptance is a bigger gift than you make it out to be. Even though that’s not how it should work.”

“You know that,” L says softly.

“I’m not as… blind as you make me out to be. Give me some credit,” he answers disinterestedly. “I’ve known I was gay since middle school.”

“Well,” L says with a smile, “good things come to those who wait.”

ooo

They see each other again, and again, and a fourth time to boot. Light doesn’t quite hate it, and that’s terrifying.

L is the worst human being he has ever known. No morals, no code of conduct, nothing to make him stand out as the paragon of justice people make him out to be. There literally is nothing righteous about L, and that is so annoying Light doesn’t know where his hatred ends and when… the rest beings. Because he can’t deny the rest.

L looks ugly. That’s a fact, that even L himself is aware of. But he has a strange charm about him, some aura of mystery, for a lack of better words, and Light feels drawn in at such tremendous speed he doesn’t have time to stop himself before agreeing to a fifth coffee date. If those can be called dates, which he does in the secret of his own head, and wouldn’t reveal to the world on penalty of death.

Mrs Onoda catches up with him one day, just after L leaves him stranded in the middle of the institution’s corridor, and she says, “Oh, looks like you made a friend. You didn’t talk about him in your sessions,” she smiles, “but it seems like you’re very close ! I’m glad you’re seeing people.”

Light doesn’t know what made her think they’re close. Maybe because L grabbed his arm, but that seems to be a purely Western thing, this lack of personal space. Maybe because L looks at him like a puzzle with that damn frog-like smile on his face, which could be mistaken for interest (he knows it’s not, he knows better than to hope and be let down). They’re not friends.

“Yeah,” Light ends up saying, “right.”

“Well I’ll see you next week,” Mrs Onoda says before leaving.

Therapy is going… surprisingly well ? He’s not sure this is how sessions are supposed to go but he manages to talk, now. He doesn’t think he says anything important – he came out, he talked about his sister and Misa, he talked about being bored – but that’s not… it’s not who he is, deep down, is it ? It’s not what matters.

What does matter, exactly ?

The longer he talks, the less sure he is.

ooo

“And I gave your diagnosis material to Mr Watari,” the therapist says, with his what he probably hopes is a stern voice. It doesn’t work. L has already guessed everything that’s on the paper, he’s the best detective in the world after all, it’s got to come in handy. “You can look at it if he allows you to.”

L wants to retort that he’s not a child, but his diagnosis does come with a lot of infantilisation, and he’s aware that keeping his identity a secret is probably what saved him from being babied his entire life by people who don’t know better. Wammy will probably not treat him any differently, since he’s known about L’s difficulties for so long… but the thought of suddenly losing any grip he might have had on his own situation is kind of frightening.

“So I’m autistic,” L says, just to see the look on his therapist’s face.

“Aspergers, yes,” the man answers, and though he’s a licensed psychiatrist, he probably doesn’t know that they’re the same diagnosis now and that the difference between the two was only due to ableism.

“Great, it’s cool to have a word for it,” L lies. He doesn’t care. He is scratching behind his ear with vigour but that doesn’t count, right ?

“It’s a diagnosis, not a prison,” Wammy pipes in, like L needs to be reassured or something.

“I know,” he answers. Like his Gender Dysphoria diagnosis isn’t a prison, like whatever that scratching thing is isn’t a prison. The world is made of cages and he just… doesn’t have the energy to abide to them.

“You’ll probably not want to see me anymore, I assume ?” the man says, to Wammy more than to L, and he doesn’t look surprised when Wammy answers that indeed, they’ll probably stop therapy really soon. As in “right now”, L wants to say, but he keeps quiet.

“That doesn’t mean we’ll leave Japan right away, does it ?” L asks way once they’re in the car, his shoes long forgotten under the back seat.

“If you want to stay, we will,” Wammy replies, “you can work from cases here.”

“Good,” and L falls asleep, lulled by the movement of the car.

ooo

“Where is she, now ? Adeline,” Light adds, when L doesn’t seem to recognise who he is talking about.

“Oh, she’s dead,” he answers casually, “suicide.”

He says that… like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Like it’s no big deal, like she’ll just wake up and run towards him again. Light understands with a pit in his stomach that L doesn’t care, and that he’s in too deep. Both realisations don’t come as a shock, as they’re less realisations and more… self-actualisation of his beliefs. He knew – he knew this whole time, and he still got caught like an idiot.

“Oh,” Light tries to keep his tone even, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Don’t bother,” L says, “it’s been a while.” He makes a strange face at that, like he didn’t fully realise how long it’d been – like he kind of forgot.

Light can’t quite forgive him for this disinterest, even for a person he’s barely heard of. Adeline seems so close to him, from the glimpses he’s caught, so close to his own thought process that it’s almost terrifying to hear of her death. Even in his darkest moments, Light never thought he could end his own life, and hearing of someone who did seems kind of like breaking a taboo, like saying something he wasn’t ever meant to hear.

He’s still thinking about it by his next therapy session, and tries to ask Mrs Onoda as lightly as he can – “Is it normal I’ve never thought of suicide ? I thought people who felt bad often did.”

“Lots of people don’t,” she answers, “it’s just a matter of what you’re dealing with and how you do it. You’re doing well,” she says softly, “you’re doing very well.”

“That’s reassuring,” he sighs, and for once he means it.

He’s still thinking about it a week later when he says to Mrs Onoda, “How is one supposed to react to suicide ?”

“With compassion,” is her answer, and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

He’s still thinking about it when he sees L again. He’s exiting Mrs Onoda’s office and L just springs up next to him before he has time to make a move. He hears himself gurgle some words, that he doesn’t remember seconds after saying them, and he dashes out.

He deletes L’s phone number and blocks him in a daze. He is hyperventilating, and barely remembers the breathing exercise that has helped him so much by now. He hates himself, so bad, for ever thinking this could be good for him.

He tries his best not to think about it at his next appointment when he tells Mrs Onoda he wants to stop coming.

ooo

When L sees him, he is existing his therapist’s office, face ashen. Light doesn’t seem to have heard any good news there, which is a shame, since L was hoping to catch him in a good mood to ask him why he avoided him now. Blocked number, no more coffee dates… Yeah, Light is avoiding him – and does again, ducking to a nearby corridor as soon as he sees L going his way.

Well. L isn’t here to play games – and he has something to say.

“Hey, Light,” he calls after him, but to no avail. Light has already entered some room and L can’t be bothered to check which one. For a moment he considers yelling, “I’m leaving Japan, bye !” – but he doesn’t. Let Light guess whatever he wants.

With a small smile, L turns around and leaves.

ooo

It’s been… five months. Misa bounces happily next to him and holds his hand. Light is too embarrassed to tell her to let go, and he still feels the back of his neck burn unhappily, but it’s getting better – he’s getting used to it. They’re… fake dating ? It’s become annoying to keep tabs on what Misa is thinking, if she really is serious when she says that of course she doesn’t love him, what, is he so self-absorbed ? Light just kind of… gave up.

He hasn’t seen L in six months. He hasn’t tried to, he doesn’t want to, well, maybe a little, but it’s fine – it’s ok – he’s dealing well with the loss. If it can be called that.

It’s been eight months and he’s stopped taking the anxiety meds altogether. Misa doesn’t insist so much on going to therapy, especially since the couple therapy session Light forced her into, and the meds weren’t helping anything anyway.

It’s been a year.

[shirlleycoyle]

HelloFresh Workers Are Unionizing the Booming Meal-Kit Industry

Last year, HelloFresh, the popular food-kit delivery company that advertises technologically innovative and sustainable approaches to cooking, sold 278 million meals to Americans and doubled its U.S. revenue to $2.4 billion. But on HelloFresh's assembly lines, workers were unable to afford rent, suffered serious injuries, and were subjected to timers when they used the bathroom, according to workers interviewed by Motherboard. 

Now 1,300 HelloFresh workers—intent on improving dire circumstances—are unionizing two HelloFresh factory kitchens in Colorado and California.

On Tuesday, UNITE HERE, the national hospitality and service industry union, filed a petition with the National Labor Relations Board asking to authorize a vote by workers at the kitchen factory in Aurora, Colorado. HelloFresh workers at the Richmond, California, facility in the Bay Area are signing up for the union in droves, according to UNITE HERE. 

"We are struggling financially. There are a lot of people who don’t know how to meet income requirements to rent apartments."

If HelloFresh workers vote to unionize, they would be the first in the booming meal-kit industry, which includes Blue Apron, Sun Basket, and Martha & Marley Spoon, to do so. Founded in 2011 in Germany, HelloFresh is now the largest meal-kit company in the United States. The service—which includes user-friendly instruction cards for each meal—is marketed to white-collar professionals, in particular women, short on time for grocery shopping and planning recipes.

"We want to break the cycle that so many of us at HelloFresh are under," Mary Williams, a 26-year-old pack line worker at the Aurora site who earns $15 an hour, told Motherboard. "It's a cycle of low-paying work and having to work back-to-back jobs. We believe that having a union will really change things." 

Williams packs between 600 and 1,000 HelloFresh boxes a day, and says that in recent months, her assembly line, which is supposed to have seven workers, has been expected to meet the same quotas with only four workers, due to staffing difficulties. She feels discouraged from taking water breaks because the burden would fall on her coworkers to pick up the slack. When she uses the bathroom, which involves removing hairnets, jackets, and gloves, her supervisor sets a 10-minute timer. 

"Now that the economy is open and people are getting new jobs, we’re low staffed," said Mary. "We have four people on the line doing double the work."

Williams and her sister, Sarah—who both work on the assembly line stuffing cardboard insulation, ice packs, meat, and prepared food kits into boxes—lost their jobs in the hospitality industry during the pandemic and came to work at HelloFresh in November. But unable to afford rent on their HelloFresh income, they had to move out of a rented studio apartment and live with their parents. 

"We are struggling financially," said Mary. "There are a lot of people who are in similar situations who had to move in with parents during Covid and people who don’t know how to meet income requirements to rent apartments."

Multiple workers at both the Richmond and Aurora facilities have shared with UNITE HERE organizers that they are homeless and cannot afford rent with HelloFresh wages. 

"You’re drowning on these wages when you have a family. I have four kids and I support three of them," said Michael Simon, a heavy lifter on a carrot-processing machine at the Richmond facility. "I sacrifice buying new clothes and I can't fill up my gas tank all the way. It’s frustrating when you can’t take your kid to do simple stuff like go to Chuck E Cheese and Party City."

Lily Vasquez, who works on the “kitting line,” stuffing fresh produce and other ingredients into plastic bags, at the HelloFresh factory in Richmond, said she wants to unionize to increase her pay and address concerns about health and safety at the factory. She suffers chronic pain in her neck, back, and shoulders from repeating the same motions thousands of times.

"Lots of us are excited. We are sure a union is what we want and what we need to have the change we need to make," Vasquez said in Spanish. “I am worried for a lot of the people working at HelloFresh. A lot of us have injured hands and pain in our feet, but we work through the pain because we won’t get paid if we go home. We need this change immediately and I know we are going to achieve it."

HelloFresh workers in Aurora and Richmond say anti-union consultants have visited and held mandatory anti-union meetings in recent days. Workers say Kulture Consulting, an anti-union firm known for spreading right-wing conspiracy theories and fighting union drives at Coca-Cola and AT&T, was present in the Colorado facility earlier this summer. 

"On Monday, we went to one of these meetings, and the consultant that HelloFresh hired goes on to say unions are bad and manipulate and lie to you," said Sarah Williams.

In its 2021 code of ethics, HelloFresh touts its commitment to workers’ rights, sustainability, and universal access to healthy food. "We are aware of our responsibility and the importance of promoting human rights and the rights of workers throughout our operations," the company says. "We support the principles established under the International Bill of Human Rights as well as the International Labor Organization."

On June 16, an unmoored several-hundred-pound pallet full of plastic bins fell approximately 25 feet onto four quality-control workers in Aurora, trapping them and sending two seriously injured workers in ambulances to the hospital for treatment, according to a series of witness statements collected by UNITE HERE. 

Workers say this was the fourth time a pallet had fallen in four months because they weren't secured with brackets or rope.

"There was a meeting that was called after the accident to tell us to stop 'gossiping' about our concerns," said Mary Williams. 

A spokesperson from HelloFresh said it is inaccurate to report that a several-hundred-pound pallet caused the incident. "We took the incident very seriously, but the item that was involved was smaller," the spokesperson said. "Immediately following the incident, we partnered with OSHA and subsequently added enhanced safety measures."

Vasquez, a 48-year-old single mom, earns $18.50 an hour as a line lead after five years at HelloFresh, but says it’s not enough to support her son and mother in the Bay Area. 

"My brother is a big support; he helps me when I need something,'' Vasquez said. "But why should I be asking for help from my brother?"

Last year, at least 171 workers tested positive for COVID-19 at the HelloFresh facility in Richmond, making it the largest COVID-19 outbreak to date in Contra Costa County, according to public records obtained by UNITE HERE. When Vasquez and her son tested positive for COVID, she says she called management repeatedly to inform them but never got a response.   

"Lots of us are excited. We are sure a union is what we want and what we need to have the change we need to make.”

The majority of workers at the HelloFresh facilities in Colorado and California are people of color, according to UNITE HERE—many of them Latinx, African-American, and Pacific Islander. Workers in Aurora say supervisors and managers are predominantly white men. 

"HelloFresh workers came to us and we responded," D Taylor, the president of UNITE HERE, told Motherboard. "A German company has come to the United States and set up factories and made enormous profits—became the pandemic profiteer—and workers came to us because of health and safety issues. ​

"We want to organize workers in our industry who are being exploited and don’t have a say on the job. This is not the first or the last time," Taylor said. "We know that many companies that promote progressive ideas have a problem and will fight workers tooth and nail in order to keep a union out." 

HelloFresh Workers Are Unionizing the Booming Meal-Kit Industry syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[cosmeticnews]

4+ Best Ipl Hair Removal Machine At Home Reviews Getting rid of unneeded hair gives you a fantastic freshness and boosts your overall confidence. Luckily, you can now enjoy that smoothness every day thanks to the ipl hair removal technology. Investing in a quality at-home IPL laser hair removal device will not only get rid of excess hair but will also save you countless hours spent on shaving or waxing. Here we review the top four best IPL devices that will offer incredible results and value for your money. We have also included a buyer’s guide to inform you of a few things you need to consider before giving this treatment a chance. Intense Pulsed Light Hair Removal System Reviews Gillette Venus Silk-expert [amazon box="B01N1GHW5H" grid="1"] Gillette Venus Silk-expert is an innovative hair removal device with a unique IPL technology that automatically adapts to your skin tone providing the safest shaving experience. It works underneath the skin surface targeting the melanin hair follicle to provide permanent hair reduction. Skin tone is not uniform in all the parts of the body. The exceptional SensoAdapt skin tone sensor continually monitors your skin complexion -80 times per second and instantly adapts the light intensity to ensure safety and efficiency. The hair removal machine is powered by Braun and provides fast treatments without compromising on effectiveness. You can treat a large body part, such as an arm or leg in 8 minutes, and the results are remarkable! Pros Fast and convenient for large body parts such as arms and legs Dermatologically tested to ensure safety Provides satisfying results in 4 weeks Gives long-lasting results Works to prevent unwanted hair from reaching the skin surface Comes with 300,000 flashes cartridge for fast treatment Cons  May be painful to some people Does not work in all skin tones Customers’ Reviews This product has a rating of 3.7/5 rating on Amazon. This is what a customer wrote; “I really went with gut on this, thinking to myself.. “well it’s cheaper than laser. Give it a try...less hair even is better than full hair”. My expectations when purchasing this product were middle of the road, but I am so over the moon”- Susan CosBeauty IPL Permanent Hair Removal System [amazon box="B0713PTNS2" grid="1"] This is one of the safest IPL technology and has been certified by the FDA. It is fitted with a unique sensor which adapts to your skin tone to provide the right intensity for the safest and most effective treatment. The device offers an impressive flash rate of 200000 flashes meaning that you can treat large body parts such as a leg or an arm in just 8 minutes. Consistent use of this device will offer noticeable results in 4-6 months while preventing the re-growth of hair. In fact, 94% of women reported experiencing visible results after just three months of application! With this product, you will bid adios to annoying hairs on your legs, arms armpits, and bikini area as well as the costly visits to the beauty shop. Pros Offers permanent hair reduction Easy to use 100% safe with FDA certification Pocket-friendly Includes safety glasses Cons  Does not work on all hair types Not a wireless device and has to be used near a power source Customers’ Reviews This hair removal product has a rating of 3.5/5 on Amazon. This is what a user had to say “I’ve had this for over a month now, and I didn’t know what to expect. All I can say is that after only two uses, I now need to shave a third as much as before. This stuff does work”-Simona Lasculescu. Pro LightBased Face and Body IPL Hair Removal Beauty device [amazon box="B076GQJXT8" grid="1"] This innovative hair removal device by Hibeauty is specially designed for full body hair removal including legs, arms, armpits, bikini line, chest and back. Both men and women can use this device. The device operates on 1: IPL photon instrument providing both hair removal and skin rejuvenation properties. It is a non-stimulating gadget which makes hair removal less awkward. The IPL device removes hair permanently by producing a harmless light that is absorbed by the melanin around the hair follicles. The light heats up the hair shaft and thus suppress the cells responsible for hair growth. Additionally, pro light based face and body IPL hair removal has five adjustable settings which means you can customize according to the skin texture and the amount of hair in a particular body part. This ensures maximum efficiency and safety. With this device, you will achieve smooth, flawless skin in the comfort of your home Pros Ergonomic design that offers comfort Offers double benefits of hair removal and skin rejuvenation Adjustable setting to choose the mode that works best for your skin and hair Painless Offers fast operation Easy to use Cons  A customer lamented that the enclosed instructions were unclear Customers’ Reviews Majority of users were impressed by this product. This is what one customer wrote: “I bought this for my sister because of her facial hair issue. I’ve heard nothing but great stuff. She has used it three times; she says that her hair which could come back more, has improved.”-Victoria S Silk’n Flash&Go Permanent Hair Removal Device for Women and Men [amazon box="B00HX27AM4" grid="1"] Inspired by dermatologists, Silk’n Flash&Go offers professional hair removal in both men and men. It utilizes the Home Pulsed Light HPL technology which is clinically tested and produces gentle light that targets hair follicles, eliminating the chances of hair re-growth. This state-of-the-art hair removal tool is ideal for full body treatment, including the face to offer incredible permanent speed. The device is loaded with 5,000 flashes off hair removal energy, making it suitable for small targeted areas. Pros Painless Offers long-lasting results Suitable for sensitive and small targeted body areas Full body treatment Pocket-friendly compared to similar devices Easy to use Cons  Hair grows back after discontinuing the use of the product A customer complained of experiencing severe burning sensations after using the product Customers’ Reviews While not all customers were satisfied with this product, the majority reported impressive results. This is what a user had to say: “Pretty amazed with this thing. I believe my skin pigment is on the ideal lighter side, and so my results must take this into account.”- Rainforest Read Next: Best Full Body Laser Hair Removal Devices IPL Hair Removal Before and After-Results From armpits to bikinis and legs to lips, the effectiveness of  hair removal by IPL hair removal technology is unparalleled. [gallery ids="3959,3957,3958"] [gallery ids="3963,3961,3962"] Factors to consider before purchasing an IPL device The devices reviewed in this article utilizes the IPL technique to get rid of unwanted hair. There are few factors you will need to consider before buying a IPL hair removal device. Let us have a review of some of these aspects. The epilator should be compatible with your skin and hair tones In general, laser treatment works best on light to medium light skin and dark hair. This is because the technology is designed to detect the contrast in complexion between skin and hair. A fair skin with dark hair allows the device to locate the hair and remove it easily. Although most at-home IPL  hair removal devices have been advanced to employ the most innovative technology, they still can’t work on darker skin complexions. This technology still has a few stairs to scale before the devices can effectively detect hair follicles against a coloured complexion Also, people with white or blonde hair may find this method of hair removal ineffective. This is because the hair lacks enough pigmentation needed to absorb the light into the hair. Insufficient light will not generate the heat required to destroy the hair follicle. So, consider your skin and hair colour before opting to this kind of treatment. Safety standards After confirming the compatibility with your skin complexion and hair, the next thing you want to ascertain is the device’s approval by the FDA. The epilator should be safe to use on your skin, and that’s why this certification is very critical. For a beauty product to be approved by the FDA, it has to undergo rigorous processes and procedures. It is better to buy an expensive but safe product than a cheap device that will bring more problems for your skin. The size of the application window This refers to the glass surface that makes contact with your skin during the application. The size of the window you choose will depend on the targeted treatment area. The wider the surface, the larger the area it is likely to cover. If you want to target large areas such as legs, arms or back, it is recommended to choose an epilator with a wide application window that ranges from 4 to 7 cm squared. This will allow for a faster and more practical application. Conversely, if you want to treat a small area such as the armpit or the bikini areas, then you are better off with a hair removal device that has a small window size of between 2 and 3 cm squared. A full body treatment will require an epilator with several window sizes. This will allow you to customize the size according to the area being treated. Skin tone sensor Most devices are fitted with this critical feature that enables the device only to treat when the skin tone is suitable. Some products also come with a range of setting that can be adjusted according to the skin and hair being treated. Having a device with an automatic skin tone detector will free you from the tedious exercise of matching your skin complexion against a printed chart. Energy produced per flash This is measured in Joules and ranges between 3 to 9 joules per cm squared. The energy requirement of a device depends on your skin and hair type. More sensitive skin will need a device with low-intensity energy of between 3-6 joules per cm squared. Contrarywise, a normal skin that can withstand high light intensity will allow you to choose a more powerful machine. Also note that the higher the intensity, the less often you will need to use your devices and the longer you will stay before the next treatment. Number of light pulses This refers to the number of times that the bulb inside the device can flash before replacing the cartridge. In other words, it indicates the lifespan of your IPL device. Always go for devices with a high number of flashes as it will be sure to serve you for a more extended period. A quality hair removal device can deliver up to 400000 pulses. This is enough to last you for a lifetime without thinking of a replacement. However, be informed that the more flashes a device has, the pricier it is likely to be. IPL Hair Removal Cost The price of an epilator is a crucial factor that you will need to consider before purchasing one. Some tools will allow you to save a few dollars if you are operating on a budget. However, if you want to spend a few extra bucks, some devices will take care of that as well. While most high-priced IPL devices will offer superior results, there are also reasonably priced tools that have proved to be as competent. It is all about researching to find a method that will effectively get rid of your unwanted without you having to break the bank In conclusion IPL hair removal is an excellent option for people who are tired of constant shaving and waxing. IPL hair removal uses pulsed light to target the melanin in the hair and dissolves the follicle making them unable to produce more hair. As we have observed, this treatment works best on lighter skin tones with dark hair; the devices have been programmed to spot dark hair and remove it. However, the advancement of laser technology has seen people with lighter hair and darker skin tones receive adequate treatment, but it is always safe to be sure than sorry. Consult and research widely to decrease the chances of damaging your skin. IPL hair removal has a lot of benefits and key among them is the sense of personal hygiene experienced after each treatment. People of all ages, both men and women, opt for this treatment to achieve a smooth, flawless body. It is the safest way to reduce unwanted body hair permanently. [amazon bestseller="IPL Hair Removal"] Bài viết đã xuất hiện lần đầu tiên tại https://www.cosmeticnews.com/ipl-hair-removal/?feed_id=2288&_unique_id=5e7db11259bf4 #cosmeticnews #janebrody #haircare #makeup #skincare #skinconcern #beautydevices

[thepilgrimgeek]

Imperialism and Exceptionalism in the MCU: Major Spoilers for Avengers Endgame

It’s Academy Award season! And once again, the Academy has limited blockbuster movie nominations to visual effects and similar production awards. Never mind the whole of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is an unprecedented feat of cinema. In honor of its nomination for visual effects, here is my deep dive into the climax of the third phase of the MCU, Avengers: Endgame. I had a blast watching Avengers: Endgame. Overall, I thought the film delivered, and served up everything that the best of comic book crossovers have to offer. I loved the Iconic stills and panels galore (such as that shot with all the female heroes. I do enjoy pandering in my comic book movies. Sue me). I cheered for the fun character moments (like Cap with Mjonir or Doc Green or anything with Scott Lang). And they went full sci-fi comic-booky goodness with continuity-choking, flimsily-orchestrated time travel. Furthermore, the the original team’s individual character arcs were tied up with varying degrees of tidiness. Not too shabby, Marvel. Not too shabby. However, Marvel Studios did solidify one thematic element that it never fully committed to, and it solidified in the direction I was hoping would not be the case. In Avengers: Endgame, Marvel Studios definitively illustrated that the ends justify the means, and exceptionalism belongs to the heroes. In Iron Man’s final moments, with an admittedly badass “I am Iron Man,” the hero who started the MCU snaps his Infinity Gauntlet clad fingers, and eradicates Thanos and his time-traveling space army (I warned you about spoilers). Iron Man uses the Infinity Gauntlet, essentially a weapon of mass destruction, to bring about victory. He uses the same weapon used by Thanos to bring unprecedented devastation at the finale of Infinity War.  And with that endgame snap, Marvel Studios makes the statement that the problem isn’t the existence of WMDs, it is who uses them. And for that, I am disappointed. Marvel Studios has flirted with the ethics of exceptionalism, feigning to examine the military conduct of empires and the powers they employ. Ultimately, the MCU devolved in its exploration imperial ethics into a flashy violent victory that never calls into question a WMD’s very use. And it is a shame, because the first film had thoughts on that. Let’s journey through the MCU, shall we.

In 2008, Jon Favreau brought us Iron Man. It is the film that begins it all. Tony Stark, the callous billionaire playboy, is kidnapped by a terrorist cell following a demonstration of Stark Industries’ premier artillery, the Jericho. In captivity, Stark realizes that his company’s weapons are the very ones being sold to terrorist groups and used against the  innocent. Following his escape, Stark works to move away from Stark Industries involvement in the US Military complex, and strive to focus more resources in the development of the clean energy. The MCU kicks off with a critical eye towards how the United States develops and trades weapons, making the third act’s villain a fitting climatic foe. Who pushes the hardest to build and sell weapons regardless of the outcome? Why Jeff Bridges’ Obadiah Stane, the Iron Monger. Phase 1 of the MCU sticks fairly close to this critical eye. The Incredible Hulk is hunted down by the US military so they can continue to use him for R&D as they develop their machine. Even Captain America is initially used as a propaganda star before being deployed in the fray of WWII. The question of how the US develops and employs its military resources is largely front and center. And then Phase 2 moves forward with hesitancy and reticence.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier was the Russo Brothers’ premier endeavor in the MCU, and it thrilled to no end. A phase and a half later, it still arguably remains the MCU film with the tightest plot and the best cinematography. However, the film sets itself up to be a critique of government surveillance in the name of security which, in 2014, was as timely as ever following the Snowden revelations of the previous year. Then the major plot twist of the film (albeit a fantastic one) shifts that critique on a dime. The reveal that HYDRA had been infiltrating SHEILD for decades and into its top tiers of administration comes the revelation that the expanded surveillance measures being pushed are part of a fanatical Nazi-remnant conspiracy. One could argue the ethical issue presented in Winter Soldier becomes moot because it was never truly a “US initiative” in the first place. Captain America’s suspicion and claims of what is “un-American” are shown to be just that: ploys from outside interests and foreign powers (sorta). Joss Whedon’s Avengers: Age of Ultron is blip on the radar. Stark wants to increase global security. Capt adamantly disagrees. There’s a virus that creates Ultron. Chaos ensues. Stark kind of looks like a failure. It seems in that moment that Stark’s desire for increased surveillance (oddly similar to the HYDRA conspiracy in Winter Soldier) is proven misplaced. The Russo Brothers continue to play with that thread in Captain America: Civil War. The Sokovia Accords place the Avengers under United Nations oversight and require the registration of individuals with enhanced abilities. Stark, who is continually trying to find effective ways to save the world (and protect it from… well… the Avengers) signs without hesitation. Steve Rogers has his ethical qualms, but the story soon forgets the Accords as it becomes far more focused on the capture of Bucky Barnes, as well as the assassination of Tony’s father Howard Stark. The tensions between Captain America and Iron Man coming to a head monopolize the run time. By the film’s final act, the Sokovia Accords are all but forgotten, and with it the ethical question of government control and oversight.

Phase 3 did bring some note worthy films that rub against this trend (a trend arguably strongest in the work of the Russos). Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 and Thor: Ragnarok wrestle with the legacy of colonialism. Starlord learns he is the son of Ego the living planet. Ego took a sexual partner on every world he visited in the interest of planting a literal seed to consume and transform that world. Thor is faced with the reality that Asgard, the kingdom to which he is heir, was built upon the violent conquest of other realms and the exploitation of his older, imprisoned sister Hera. Ragnarok’s final moments are poignant. The only way to save the people of Asgard and defeat Hera is to literally burn down the system and structures that were built by his father Odin. Taika Waititi has crafted a clear opinion on what it takes to remedy the legacy of empire. Destroy the structures and save the people who inhabit them. I think it is particularly brilliant and stands out as shining gem of a movie in the MCU. And, of course, there is Black Panther. While Guardians Vol. 2 and Thor: Ragnarok examine colonialism and empire, they do so in traditional fantasy/sci-fi fashion. With the distance of a world that is galaxies or realms away, the setting never so close to Earth as to make the analogue too obvious. Black Panther has no such distance. This is the film with what may be the most critical eye in the MCU. Woven throughout it are discussions of race and heritage, of violence and oppression, and of the shortcomings of isolationism. There are many far better equipped who have written about these themes in detail, and you should definitely track them down. For the purpose of this piece, it is important that Black Panther takes the questions of legacy, power, and resources, and plays them out on screen. It is fought out in the philosophical battle between Erik Stevens and T’Challa. It is a discussion that T’Challa takes directly to the land of his ancestors to insist “You were wrong!” The themes of resources and empire present in the first Iron Man and in Thor: Ragnarok are turned up to 11 in Black Panther. It is the only film in the MCU where the antagonist’s perspective and philosophy fundamentally shifts those of the protagonist. T’Challa will forever be different kind of king, a king unlike any previous king of Wakanda, solely because of Erik Stevens.

And yet, I can’t help but wonder. Why is the film with the most critical eye the one where the protagonist experiences the most concrete transformation of character, the one that is predominantly concerned with people of color? Why is it an African kingdom that experiences such a radical change in its philosophy of leadership? As previously noted, any conversation of the sort related to the US in the previous films is either made moot or overshadowed by the interpersonal conflict in the Avengers team.  Following Black Panther was the much anticipated release of the Russo Brothers’ Avengers: Infinity War. I wrote about Infinity War on this blog before, and hoped for the Russos’ to set forth an answer to Thanos’ philosophy of resources and his theology of scarcity. The film ends with the infamous Snap. We watch as half of the life in the universe turns to ash before our eyes. It is tragic and the original Avengers team is left speechless.

It is tragic. And yet, the Russos found it fitting to have the Avengers employ the same tool in their defeat of Thanos. We see the same visual effect as the enemy is turned to ash. While one could argue for this moment of desperation, it is perhaps the one act that Tony Stark shows the most confidence in performing. And the rest of the world praises him for it. The ethics of the decision do not register on the Marvel radar. Once again, Avengers: Endgame was a wild ride I enjoyed watching, but its ethics of war and empire come up short. Apparently it is not the existence of a weapon that is problematic, just the one which uses it. And now the Universe once again faces Thanos’ scarcity question… At least the world is saved I guess. Read the full article

[araeph]

I think Sokka's quest for identity is one of the most interesting things about him. What it means to be a man, to be useful and to be acknowledged is an interesting central conflict for a supporting character. What do you think S3 Sokka believes it takes to be a man. I think he's learnt to intercede and mediate issues in his family and to make tough choices. What else can you think of?

Sokka: Now men,it’s important that you show no fear when you face a firebender. In the WaterTribe, we fight to the last man standing. For without courage, how can we callourselves men?

Anotherexcellent question! Sokka’s quest for identity is intrinsically linked to hisquest for manliness, because if you’ll recall, Sokka was not able to become aman by Water Tribe custom before he was nominally put in charge of the tribe:

Bato: How aboutyou, Sokka? You must have some good stories from your first time ice-dodging?Katara: He never got to go. Dad left before he was old enough.Bato: Oh, I forgot, you were too young.Aang: What’s ice-dodging?Bato: It’s a rite of passage for young water tribe members.

But while Katara was helping with the chores, keeping her familytogether and helping to deliver babies, Sokka was left adrift, without apaternal example to emulate for two of his teenage years. War never came to hisdoorstep, so he resorts to “training” the kindergarten crowd. And notice thatKatara (and likely the other members of his tribe) don’t take this seriously:

Katara: Ugh, I’membarrassed to be related to you! Ever since Mom died I’ve been doing all thework around camp while you’ve been off playing soldier!

Playing soldier.Katara’s right: that’s exactly what Sokka has been doing, because therigid gender expectations of being a man don’t allow him to do anything else.Once Aang arrives and upends Sokka’s world, his identity as a would-be mancollides with the reality of the war and the people around him.

The Four Partsof Being a Man (by Sokka)

1. Leader

Sokka : Iknow you all want to fly, but my instincts tell me we should play it safe thistime and walk.Katara: Who made you the boss?Sokka: I’m not the boss—I’m the leader.Katara : You’re the leader? But your voice still cracks!Sokka: I’m the oldest and I’m a warrior. So…I’m the leader!

Katara: You’rehurt. Badly. You can’t fight anymore. Hakoda: Everyone’s counting on me to lead this mission, Katara. Iwon’t let them down.  Sokka: Can’t you heal him any faster? Katara: I’m doing everything I can. Sokka: I’ll do it.Katara: No offense Sokka but you’re not exactly Mr. Healing Hands.Sokka: No.  I’ll lead the invasion force. Katara: Don’t be crazy, Sokka.Sokka: Maybe I am a little crazy but the eclipse is about to start andwe need to be up that volcano by the time it does.Hakoda:  You can do this. I’m proud of you, son. Katara: I still think you’re crazy but I’m proud of you too. 

Sokka’s father is the chief, so it makes sense that being a man impliesbeing a leader. But before his adventure, Sokka has only a nebulous idea ofwhat that really means. Worse, he seems to think that being a man makes him aleader, instead of being a leader making him a man. When he first tries toassert his authority in “Jet”, he is met with ridicule:

Aang: Walking stinks!How do people go anywhere without a flying bison?Katara: I don’t know Aang. Why don’t you ask Sokka’s instincts—theyseem to know everything.Sokka: Ha ha. Very funny.Aang: I’m tired of carrying this pack.Katara: You know who you should ask to carry it for a while?Sokka’s Instincts!Aang: That’s a great idea! Hey, Sokka’s Instincts, would you mind—Sokka: Okay, okay—I get it.

As so often happens, Sokka has to adapt to the situation. “Jet” is abouta boy who, although a good leader in most senses, leads his team astray intomurder and mayhem. Sokka, even though he is a novice, realizes innocent livesare on the line and warns the townspeople before the dam explodes. He didn’texpect to be a leader at the moment, but he didn’t fail when it really mattered.Throughout the series, his tactical and strategic successes accumulate untilthe entire GAang relies on him to plan their missions. And on “The Day of BlackSun”, despite his fumbling speech beforehand, Sokka takes the reins of themission and performs admirably.

Aang: It’s over.The Fire Lord is probably long gone. Far away on some remote island where he’llbe safe during the eclipse.Sokka: No. My instincts tell me he wouldn’t go too far. He would have asecret bunker. Somewhere he could go so it’ll be safe during a siege but stillbe close enough to lead his nation.Toph: If it’s an underground secret bunker we’re looking for, I’m justthe girl to find it. 

No one’s laughing at Sokka’s instinctsnow.

2. Protector

Katara :Sokka, you’re making a mistake. Sokka: No! I’m keeping my promise to Dad. I’m protecting you fromthreats like him! 

Illusion Yue: You didn’t protect me.

Sokka’smother was murdered when he was very young, and there was nothing he could doabout it. He knows from how devastated his father was and how driven he becameto help the war effort that being a man must mean protecting people—especially the women in your life. Sokkaprotects Katara on multiple occasions from threats real (Jet, Mai) and imagined(Aang, Appa). Protecting Katara is his way of protecting the mother he couldn’tsave as a boy. And his inability to protect Yue from sacrificing herself cutshim deeply. He overcompensates by trying to shield Suki from everything:

Suki:  Look,I know you’re just trying to help, but I can take care of myself. Sokka: I know you can. Suki: Then why are you acting so over protective?Sokka: It’s so hard to lose someone you care about.  Somethinghappened at the North Pole, and I couldn’t protect someone. I don’t wantanything like that to ever happen again.

In the end,Sokka learns how to be protect the people he cares about without stifling them.His shielding of Toph in the finale is very similar to his protecting Katara inthe pilot:

But there’sone key difference: in the pilot, Sokka thought of Katara as someone who ismore in need of protection as a girl. In the finale, Sokka recognizes that Tophcan’t see the falling shards of metal, but respects her fighting ability overand over:

Sokka: Did Imention how sweet it was that you invented metalbending?

Sokka: I am soglad we added you to the group!

3. Warrior

Even morethan being a leader, being a warrior defines being a man in the Water Tribe.And no wonder; with decades of being raided by the ruthless Fire Nation, andwaterbenders being increasingly scarce, the South would have had to rely moreand more on brute strength to drive off the invaders. A warrior is also the onething Sokka is most insecure about because it implies a certain skillset thathe was too young to receive full training in. Not to mention, his sister is awaterbender and he is not. Witness this exchange from “The Warriors of Kyoshi”:

Sokka:  Whoare you? Where are the men who ambushed us? Suki:  There were no men. We ambushed you. Nowtell us, who are you and what are you doing here? Sokka:  Wait a second, there’s no way that a bunch of girls took usdown. 

Althoughgender roles are fairly rigid in the Southern Water Tribe, the Sokka from thevery beginning of the series feels an especially constant need to reinforce being awarrior as a “manly” pursuit and puts Katara down for being a girl. I am remindedof Iroh’s speech to Zuko:

Iroh: Prince Zuko,pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source.

Iroh: Truehumility is the only antidote to shame.

Sokka’s status as a nonbender is oftena source of shame for him. He is treated differently by bending masters:

Master Pakku: Sokka. Take care, son. 

And even his own teammates:

Toph: We can take‘em. Three on three.Sokka: Actually, Toph, there’s four of us.Toph: Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t count you. You know, no bending and all.Sokka:  I can still fight!Toph: Okay. Three on three plus Sokka.

This leads him to act proud of hismanliness, an attribute that he needs no training or bending to have. He eventries to get Aang to act “manlier” and not answer to “Twinkletoes”. In the end,though, he confesses the truth about how he feels:

Sokka: Look, Iappreciate the effort, but the fact is each of you is so amazingand so special, and I’m not. I’m just the guy in the groupwho’s regular. 

But Sokka isspecial, and as the series goes on, he proves his mettle with a balance ofoutlandish inventiveness and logical practicality:

Sokka: See, theproblem with the old war balloon was you could get it airborne, but once youdid, it just kept going.  You could put a hole in the top, but then allthe hot air would escape. So the question became, how do you keep a lid on hotair? Katara: Ugh, if only we knew. Sokka: A lid is actually the answer. If you control the hot air, youcontrol the war balloon.  Katara: Hmm. That’s actually pretty smart. 

Sokka: I need a plan of this machine. Some schematics that showwhat the inside looks like. Then we can find it’s weak points. Aang: Where are we gonna get something like that What are youdoing! Someone’s gonna hear us! Sokka:  That’s the point. I figure a machine this big needsengineers to run it, and when something breaks…Katara: They come to fix it. 

He overcomes his insecurities as a warrior by being true to himself.

Piandao: Sokka,when you first arrived, you were so unsure. You even seemed down on yourself.But I saw something in you right away. I saw a heart as strong as a lionturtle, and twice as big. And as we trained, it wasn’t your skills thatimpressed me.  No, it certainly wasn’t your skills.  You showedsomething beyond that.  Creativity, versatility, intelligence… these arethe traits that define a great swordsman. And these are the traits that defineyou.  You told me you didn’t know if you were worthy, but I believe thatyou are more worthy than any man I have ever trained. 

4. Father

Sokka can show how brave he is, how creativehe is, and how much of a leader he’s become. But in the end, he measures hisidentity as a man by his father’s example:

Aang:Sokka, that speech wasn’t your moment of truth. That was just publicspeaking and nobody’s really good at that.Sokka: My Dad is. He explained the plan perfectly and inspired everyone.Like a real leader should. Aang: Look, your moment of truth isn’t going to be in front of some map.It’s going to be out there, on the battlefield. 

Unlike with Zuko, Sokka’s confidence in hisfather is fully justified. As he grows and matures, he becomes, not a copy ofhis father, but his own person. He learns that he can be a warrior withoutputting others down, and he can assert authority without being pigheaded. Hecan trust in his own abilities, regardless of how skilled everyone else isaround him. And Hakoda validates Sokka’s identity in every respect.

As a protector:

Hakoda: Sokka…Sokka: I’m coming with you.Hakoda: You’re not old enough to go to war, Sokka, you know that.Sokka: I’m strong! I’m brave! I can fight! Please, Dad!Hakoda: Being a man is knowingwhere you’re needed the most, and for you right now that’s here protecting yoursister.Sokka: I don’t understand.Hakoda: Someday you will. I’m going to miss you so much.

As a warrior:

Hakoda: Ready togo knock some Fire Nation heads?Sokka:  You don’t know how much this means to me dad. I’ll make youproud, and I’ll finally prove to you what a great warrior I am.Hakoda:  Sokka, you don’t have to prove anything to me.  I’m already proud of you, and I’ve alwaysknown you were a great warrior.Sokka: Really?Hakoda: Why do you think I trusted you to look after our tribe when Ileft?

As a leader:

Sokka:No. I’ll lead the invasion force. Katara: Don’t be crazy, Sokka.Sokka: Maybe I am a little crazy but the eclipse is about to start andwe need to be up that volcano by the time it does.Hakoda:  You can do this.I’m proud of you, son. 

And as a man.

Hakoda: Bato, getthese mines loaded up. The rest of you men, prepare for battle!  Sokka: Uh, what should I do, Dad?Hakoda: Aren’t you listening? I said the rest of you men get ready for battle.

Sokka willbe a fantastic father to his own children someday, no matter what LOK might imply.