#i hate trying to interpret the voice through the phone

[nyxieneo]

asking ur friends for money prank (?)

ft. j. jaehyun, l. mark, mentions of z. chenle

youtube / socialmedia au

lowercase intended, not proofread !

mc is a girl and is referred to as y/n, no warnings (afaik) but please do feel free to comment.

all of them are idols, including mc !

- - - 🐻‍❄️

"hello there! as you may have seen on the title of this video, today, i will be pranking my close friends and telling them that i am in need of cash/money" she briefly introduces as she sat on the warmth of her living room couch.

"how will we do this? will we succeed? will they actually give me money?" she rambles, making curious faces to the camera situated on the coffee table in front of her.

"let's get right into it, shall we?"

---

ON THE PHONE

yuno🫡 | ringing...

---

"we are currently dialing nct's jaehyun, hopefully he's not busy or in the middle of something important" and as if on cue, the ringing is interrupted by the deep and honey-like voice of yours truly.

"darling?"

"jae, hi, so, i know this may sound absurd . . . " she starts off, it can immediately be picked up— by the tone of her voice— that she's nervous, though both sides likely have their own interpretation.

"everything you say is absurd" he jokes, in hopes of lightening up the mood of the supposedly nervous girl, "take it easy, im listening."

"yes, right . . . as i was saying, would you mind if i— asked for some cash?" y/n immediately figures that the boy on the other side of the line is taken aback by the question, but, of course, he manages to keep his cool.

"hm? it's quite unbelievable if you say you've ran out, why?"

"well, i lost . . . my wallet . . . ?" she says, the hesitance evident in her voice.

"you're kidding me. tell me the actual reason" he rubs her first reasoning off, scoffing.

"i actually did! i lost it sometime today, i just dont know where it is now, i've been trying to find it—" she explains in a rather hurried manner, which was a bad move (he knew y/n too well to even bother to believe the bad reasoning)

"don't you have like, a tracker on it?" he asks, his suspicions rising by the minute

"i dont even know anymore, maybe it got detached from it- i don't know" y/n stuttered, bad, making 'i dont think i can do this anymore' faces to the camera

"calm down, little gremlin." he decides to give her the benefit of the doubt, "how much do you need and where do you need it? i'm pretty sure i'm free, i can get you— wherever you are— and just pay for your stuff."

"that would be nice, are you sure you can though? i'll text you the address." she smirks, advance celebrating her first win.

"yeah, just checked. send it now, i'm on my way to the parking lot" y/n's eyes visibly widened a fraction but still kept her cool, sending the address to her place to indirectly say that this was all a prank.

"check my message, yuno" she slowly starts laughing maniacally, making the man confused, till he saw the message that was sent

"wh— you actual menace, are you that bored? got me so worried for a second, thought you actually were in trouble you stupid gremlin" the man sighed audibly, "i can't believe i went through all that effort to check if i was available and if i was allowed to go . . . do you want me to go there, still?"

"i dont mind, but, don't tell mark and the others though, i'm filming a little prank video right now." she gives permission, before shifting the conversation to the main topic

"don't worry, won't be talking to them as i'm driving. you know me, am a safe and responsible driver." he assures, laughing a bit as he knew how she would react to the claims

"yeah, for sure" she sarcastically says, but, of course, what he said was true (though, she would hate to admit that because it might get to his head, wouldn't want to inflate the ego)

"okay, drive safely, i'll go bother other people now."

---

ON THE PHONE

lee m. 🍉 | ringing...

---

the girl was sat patiently as her phone rung, one hand drumming beats with her fingers on her thighs as the other held the phone up to her mouth.

"yo, what's up?" mark's voice could be heard, replacing the repeating rings.

"dude, so, i might've stumbled upon a little problem . . ." she cringes her face to accentuate the feelings of 'something went wrong' (even if the boy couldn't see her through the call)

"wait what? did you get the wrong thing sent to you, again?" he asks in disbelief, knowing how rarely the girl gets into trouble.

"no, but— it's . . . " she pauses, then lets out a small sigh, "i kinda, might've lost . . . my wallet" she slowly states, her voice getting less coherent (but still quite understandable) as she continued.

there was silence on the other end of the line, which made y/n guess that he was still processing her words, to which he was, all that could be heard was a huff before saying, "dude, what?! whe— how?!"

the girl was doing all her best to not laugh at the reaction, the man himself, had given (not that she expected any less.)

"y- yeah, i was just in the mall and went home, found out i had already lost my wallet. what makes things worse, i went out alone."

"your manager wasn't with you?! dear, god, what do i eve— you could've asked johnny to accompany you, he was free . . . even me and jae were free! you could've asked us, we would've been down to go out with you." to say that mark was slowly deteriorating was an understatement, he's full on going glitch-mode, if you will.

y/n couldn't keep it going, at this point, the boy was already going through a plethora of (funnily) unpleasant emotions, to the point where she was now laughing out loud.

"what's so funny, y/n? you've just lost your wallet! did you lose anything else?" he questions, as if she had just laughed while a funeral was going on.

"this is all a joke, i wanted to prank you" she says, in between laughters.

it was imaginable how his face was the moment that was said, "that wasn't even the climax of it" she added as if that wasn't already enough shock to mark.

"what do you mean that wasn't all?" he asked, evidently and utterly confused, but he (now) knows it's all for the youtube channel.

"the main part of it was supposed to be, me asking you to lend me cash because, as i had said, i 'lost my wallet', just to see how you'd react to that." she briefly explains, still cracking up to how he was like a mom scolding her daughter for doing something so improper.

"of course, i'd lend you money, any time. though, i wouldn't be your first option, if that time were to come. you could've asked your parents— or, y'know, other people who seem more responsible than i am." he brings up, which was true, if anything, he knows she would've called jaehyun, first hand.

"yeah, you're right. anyway, don't tell anybody else, i've done jae though, no need to worry about him."

"i figured, anyway, you should do chenle later, he's going to be already on his way to your place before you even know it." mark jokes, knowing how fond the guy was with y/n.

"alright, i'll talk to you later. bye, sugarpie." she teased, knowing how much the endearment made him want to vomit.

"oh, just shut up. i'm hanging up" and he did.

---

ON THE PHONE

chnele🗣 | ringing...

---

"i doubt he's going to pick up, he's said earlier that we was going to go out and play, most likely eat, too. "

just as she was saying, he did, in fact, not answer the call, it was very likely that he has in the middle of a game (or the phone was on do not disturb.)

"next person!"

- - - 🐻‍❄️

💌 i hope this wasnt too much (considering how this is a first post) anyway, i hope you, whoever might come across this, have read well ! wish the ending wasn't too abrupt 😭

[teddy06writes]

Repercussions

The Dead Poets x reader (not explicitly, romantic, platonic or poly, just interpret it as you will)

Trigger warnings: Character Death, talk of suicide, swearing, yelling, grief, I'm upset but it's fine

Premise: You had thought thinks had been going well, but then, after his debut in A Midsummer Nights Dream, Neil does something drastic; the sound of one gun shot can echo on forever

{*evil laughter* I hate my life but this is here now)

{also, I might just cave and right a different version of this that's mainly just me being a Cameron apologist, also also, don't worry, I have lysome fluff headcanons for a request that should be out soon}

The Morning After The Play

You're not entirely sure why you've been woken so early on a Saturday, nor why you, and the rest of the Poets have been called down to Mr. Keatings room.

The one thing that you are sure of, however, is the anxious pit in your stomach, and the fact that Neil is very much missing.

Mr. Keating sat resolutely at his desk as Mr. McAllister led you in, a certain sadness you'd never seen on him before, etched into his features.

With a sigh, he stood, murmuring, "Thank you, George," as Mcallister faded to the back of the room.

"Captain what's going on?" Charlie asked after a moment, unable to stand the silence.

Mr. Keating cleared his throat uncomfortably, and the pit in your stomach seemed to deepen.

"Well Lads, I- figured you should hear it from me first, and not in the announcement that will be made later on this morning."

There was a waver in his voice, and Cameron seemed to panic, "Sir, if this has anything to do with the society- I swear, they forced me into it-"

"It's not about that," He interrupted, taking a deep breath before continuing, "But no doubt, that will soon be called into question. uh- We received a call, this morning, from Mr. Perry. Last night- last night after the play- Neil took his own life."

Suddenly, it was like your world shattered.

As you backed away from the group, you could distantly hear Knox muttering about how it couldn't be true, and Charlie demanding to know if it was some sort of sick joke.

You only became aware of the tears streaming down your face when Pitts had turned back to you, offering a tissue, and a hug, but still, it didn't seem real.

This had to be some sort of sick dream.

~~

The Afternoon After the Play

Mr. Keating wasn't sure how anyone could take it. The rest of the administration continued on like it was nothing, only Mr. Nolan launching an investigation into what may have caused Neil's decision.

Classes had been canceled until the next week, and most of the students only treated it like a vacation.

Most of them.

He knew that somewhere, You and the rest of the poets were trying to mourn.

Wandering through his dark and empty classroom, he found himself standing at Neil's desk.

Slowly, Mr. Keating sank into the seat, finding the old tattered copy of 500 centuries of verse Neil had left, almost like he'd known he'd be returning it now.

He stared at the cover, at his own scrawling hand writing.

This was on him, wasn't it? He was the one to tell Neil to go and pursue his dreams, even after he'd told him about his fathers opinions.

God, why had he ever told them about the Dead Poets Society?

~~

The Sunday after the Play

Charlie hadn't properly registered anything since that morning.

At least, not enough to make sense of it all.

He sat at the same pew where he'd taken the phone call from God, but everything had changed since then, he could no longer find the humor in his shenanigan.

The rest of the mass sang from the hymnal, but he couldn't bring himself to even look down at the book Todd shakily held in front of them both.

Charlie had long before learned how to let the trials life threw at him roll off his back, but this was different, this was numbing him to his core.

~~

A Week After The Play

Nolan's investigation had begun, and would probably be concluded by the end of the day.

Cameron paced nervously up and down the hall outside of his and Charlie's room, would they understand? Would they try to see his point of view?

He was late to the meeting, he knew that; but he had to be. With what Neil had done, what Neil had uncovered... Cameron had been left to scramble to pick up the pieces of his life and hopefully get them shoved back into order, that way he could still have the future Neil didn't want.

Taking a deep breath, he turned, going all the way down the hall and into the coat room Pitts had said they were meeting in.

All of you froze, staring at him as he entered.

"What's going on guys?" He asked, taking a step into the circle.

Slowly, Charlie got up from his seat, "You finked, didn't you Cameron?"

"Finked?" He repeated, "I don't know what the hell your talking about."

From where you sat by the window with Todd, your eyes seemed to bore into him, searching for something he wasn't sure of.

"You told Nolan everything about the club is what I'm talking about." Charlie spat.

"Look, in case you haven't heard Dalton, at this school there's something called an honor code. If a teacher asks you a question you tell the truth, or you're expelled." He wasn't sure why he was lashing out, but still he did.

"You little-" The words died on Charlie's lips as he went to lunch at him.

Desperately, Knox and Meeks grabbed at him, dragging him away from Cameron.

"He's a rat! He's in it up to his eyes so he ratted to save himself!" Charlie yelled.

"Don't touch him Charlie, you do and your out." Knox said carefully.

"I'm out anyway!"

"You don't know that." Pitts tried to argue.

"He's right," Cameron nodded, "And if you guys are smart, you'll do exactly what I did and cooperate. Their not after us! We're the victims. Us and Neil."

You glared at him, uttering through gritted teeth, "You have no right Cameron."

"What the hell do you mean anyway?" Charlie demanded, "Who are they after then?"

"Why the 'captain' himself! Mr. Keating of course! I mean you guys really didn't really think he could avoid responsibility, did you?"

"Mr. Keating is responsible for Neil? Is that what their saying?"

"Who else do you think, dumbass?" It was almost like he was taunting him now, "Mr. Keating put us up to all this shit-"

"That's bullshit and you know it!" You were standing now, starting to cross the room, "He didn't put any of us up to anything. Neil loved acting."

"if it weren't for Mr. Keating, Neil would be holed up in his room, studying for chemistry right now! Beilive what you want, but I saw let Keating fry! Why ruin our lives?"

Before Charlie could even move you had crossed the room fully, smacking him across the face with all the strength you could muster.

You couldn't have cared less for what happened in that room after you stormed out.

~~

Two Weeks after the play

After you'd stormed out, you'd gone straight to Mr. Nolans office, turning yourself in, and telling him, straight to his face, with no regards to your friends, or your parents feelings, that you would rather be expelled than have to deal with another second of Welton Bullshit.

Now you were leaving, leaving it all behind.

Nothing that had happened in the past week seemed to matter to you as you packed up your things, you were leaving, and that was it.

As you zipped your suitcase closed, you couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief. None of this had anything to do with you anymore.

It was almost like you could care less, now that Neil was gone.

You didn't take it as any of your business when you could hear Cameron's muffled sobs from the next room over every night, or when Meeks and Pitts stopped talking to anyone else entirely, hell you'd even let it entirely up to Knox to help drag Todd out of the lake when he had decided it was too much.

None of it mattered anymore.

Neil had made his decision, and now you had made yours, and neither of you cared about the repercussions.

[subwaysurf45]

Our Home to Heal (Ep. 1)

Summary:  working at the VA, you’ve found your place. helping people in the sobriety unit as well as cooking for the food back, the VA had everything for you. Bucky Barnes has a not-so-good first impression but after dealing with a dark recent past he find you to help him heal.

Episode: One

Words: 3,329

Warning: overdose, pills, therapy, Dr. Raynor hate train, mild panic attack

Our Home to Heal Series    II    Main Masterlist

The air had never felt thinner. 

It seemed as though his feet couldn’t keep up with how fast Bucky wanted to walk, or borderline run, away from Dr. Raynor’s room. The pill bottle that was almost about the crack in his hand was mocking him as he ran away, the jingle of those familiar pills wouldn’t quiet down. There was a new found fear Bucky had developed of pills, he didn’t like touching or thinking about them, he also hated taking them. This fear had not thawed with him and came from the forties, the phobia was new, the wound was still very much open. When his fear was handed to him in an orange-tinted bottle by the person that was supposed to listen Bucky blew up, he screamed at Raynor. 

“I can’t fucking believe you!” Bucky stood. 

“James,” Dr. Raynor looked uninterested, she was looking over her notes rather than looking at Bucky, “these will help, they aren’t the same pill as before.” 

“I don't care,” Bucky picked up his leather jacket, “I told you how much those pills fucked with me, I told you what I did… I can’t understand why you of all people would put me back into a situation like this again!” he shoved his arms through the sleeves. 

“James,” she started again, “I’m trying to help and you obviously didn’t do the chart or the breathing exercises so we need to go to medication,” she finally looked up and closed her book. 

“It’s not what those pills do, Doc,” Bucky walked over and picked up the bottle, it felt like fire against his skin, “It’s what I did with them.” 

“Back to speaking all poetically again,” Raynor rolled her eyes. 

“Fuck you!” Bucky yelled, “I’m sorry I’m taking cautious steps to not fucking overdose on pills again, I’m sorry!” he was yelling sarcastically, “I never want to get to where I was before, I’ve been doing so well and for you to give these to me feels like a slap in the face,” Bucky’s eyes began to gloss over, “and I’m so fed up with the way you treat me, Doc.” 

“Well,” she looked into his eyes and saw the tears fighting to stay put, “it’s not like I chose to be your therapist, talk to the government,” she sighed and stood, “someday you’re going to realize that all these things in your life that make you feel terrible aren’t made out that way, you interpret everything as an attack, that’s something I’m trying to work on with you but you just don’t seem to get it.” 

Bucky stood in shock with the pill bottle in his head, laboured breathing timed with the two tears that fell out. Raynor didn’t break either, she just sat there and watched him take in what she just said. All at once Bucky turned and left the building. 

That’s where he was now, going as fast as he could to get to fresh air. The door to the therapy office seemed to crawl further away from him every step he got closer to the doors. When his hands pushed the door the cold winter air cleared his nose and lungs as he continued his breathing, he could see the smoke-like air in front of his face, it was so cold even the heat he felt with rage was steaming off of him. The therapy building was so far from his house, he’d normally take a train to get there but because he left so early a train wouldn’t be there for an hour or so. 

“Watch it,” a harsh voice came right before someone walked right into his chest, it was a man in a very clean suit that looked like he was running late, “ever learn how to walk?” he yelled from over his shoulder. 

Bucky walked with the flow until he managed to get to a back alley, without caring what was down there, he turned in and fished his phone out of his pocket. His left hand seemed to be glued to the pill bottle. “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” he whispered with quick breathes as his cold finger tapped the only saved phone number, when the phone was ringing next to his ear Bucky took the chance to finally look around to get a feel of his surroundings.

“Bucky?” 

“Sam!” Bucky leaned forward, “man, I can’t even think right now…” Bucky’s breathing had not flattened, rather gotten faster. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Sam sounded very concerned on the other line. 

“It's doctor Raynor, she-she…” Bucky look up to the other side of the alley, he was just met with a brick wall but that allowed for a perfect space for him to project the recent memories. He saw the pills and the bottle, he saw Sam and Raynor standing over him. “She gave me fucking pills again, almost the same ones I-…” his breath got caught in his throat, he vowed never to say what he had done and caught himself accordingly. 

“Hey,” Sam started again, this time with a very calm demeanor, “Bucky, listen to me, it’s going to be okay, you hear me?” Sam only got a whimper in response, “you don’t need to keep those pills, you don’t need to take them, it’s going to be perfectly fine, alright?” there was a hint of stress coming from Sam’s side, he knew Bucky’s complicated relationship with pills and how difficult this was for him. “I need you to listen to me, Buck.” 

“Oh-okay,” Bucky closed his eyes and continued to grip the bottle. 

“Now, I know you have shut down going to the VA, but if you go there and give them your pills someone will take them, no questions asked.” as Sam talked over the phone he couldn’t see Bucky vigorously shaking his head. 

“No,” Bucky rasped out, “I told you I’m not fucking going there,” he bent at the waist and pushed against the wall. Sam was trying to get a word in but Bucky kept talking, “I told you I don’t like it there - you know it - I don’t care - you don’t know - oh, would you shut up!” Bucky screamed and threw the bottle against the other brick wall. The lid popped off which led to the contents flying everywhere, the pills rolled around and some landed back at his feet. Both ends of the line were silent as Bucky breathed into the phone, slowly Bucky began to weep as he shrunk down the wall. His knees bent and he slowly fell to the floor, “I don’t want to go through this again, I can't Sam, I can’t.”

“I know,” Sam was back to being calm, “and you don’t need to,” Bucky sniffled as his tears rolled down his cheeks and curved under his jaw, “go to the VA, ask for a hot lunch and some space that’s quiet, they’ll give it to you- and if you want company, then ask for a Y/N, okay?”

“Who’s that?” Bucky cried.

“She’s a staff member there and she’s been known to sit beside someone and radiate comfort, she also has lots of mugs and tea if you’d like, I hired her, she’s great.” Sam sounded sad, “I’m sorry I can't be there, I really am.” Sam was still in Louisiana, he went back after the entire Karli ordeal. “Promise me you’ll go there?”

“I-I promise,” Bucky gasped for air as he stood up, “I’m gonna go now, okay?” 

“Perfect,” Bucky could hear him smile through the phone. Sam waited for Bucky to say goodbye and hang up. 

The walk to the VA was short, it was very close to his therapy office. With the air pushing against his face, Bucky was happy he found a good excuse for the crying, the harsh wind made more tears gather in his eyes so he lumped them all together. It was only his face that felt cold, Bucky had his leather jacket topping over his t-shirt under a long sleeve as well as cargo pants that he found deep in his dresser. His hands were shoved deep in his pocket to avoid people seeing his left arm as well as keeping the right one warm. Though Bucky’s nose was probably red and cold he couldn’t help but love the winter, the like the nippiness to it all, he also liked seeing Christmas lights; overall, he liked a good reason to stay inside. 

There was no bell that rung when the VA doors opened, it seemed the people walking around has no idea he even walked in. that was until a lady saw him blankly standing there, she walked over and asked what was wrong. 

“My friend is Sam Wilson,” Bucky breathed, “he’s friends with Y/N, she here?” Bucky looked around very confused, he had never stepped foot in the VA, it was hard to remember why he hated it so much. 

“Yes, she’s in her room doing some work, I’ll take you to it,” the lady then began to walk Bucky down the hall. He felt like a lost puppy as he walked behind her, his eyes looked everywhere to take in as much as he needed. There were people of all personalities and looks, wheelchairs and fidget toys, as well as old men and young people. They all said hi and waved, Bucky just looked away. “There you go,” the lady had stopped and turned around. 

“Thanks,” Bucky whispered. 

You were sat on your chair with a water bottle beside you, your laptop lit up the otherwise dark room as you responded to emails and wrote down ideas for your groups. You had heard talking outside your room but you paid no mind, people talked all the time everywhere, it would be selfish to think they were always talking about you. You had been hunched over your laptop all day, it was difficult to remember when you started and how long you had been writing for. Your gentle hand rubbed your stomach as it growled at you, part of you reminded yourself you’d be getting lunch very soon. 

“Excuse me, miss?” your back straightened as you whipped around to see a guy standing in your doorway. “S-sorry for being a bother-”

“it's perfectly alright,” you stood up and walked over to him. There was no light in your room so he was only lit from the back, you could barely see his face. “Anyone who walks into my room is a friend, so hello, I’m-”

“I know who you are,” the voice cut you off, the more he talked the more you realized his voice was horse and shaking a bit. 

As you stood in front of him your hand swiftly flicked the light on. The first thing you saw was his eyes, they were magnificently blue but you couldn’t help but notice the red taking up most of the space. Then they travelled down to his body, he wore lots of layers and had a killer leather jacket. It was a little off-putting to hear someone you didn’t know, tell you they knew who you were, but he seemed to be really upset so you didn’t dig too deep. 

“How do you know me?” you stepped back and allowed him into your room, but he didn’t step forward, “you can come in.” 

He hesitantly stepped forward and noticed the mugs and the kettle, “I’m friends with Sam, Sam Wilson.” 

“Oh,” you whispered, “Bucky Barnes, yes?” His eyes went wide as he stumbled to find the door again, “no, don’t go,” you stepped forward, “it’s okay, I talked to Sam after the Flag Smashers thing and he brought you up a couple of times,” he seemed to calm down, “am I right, is it Bucky?” 

“Yeah,” he whispered, you quickly guided him to the couches. He took a seat and you saw him look around, you didn’t know in what way - for cameras? Or because he was interested?

You clicked on the electric kettle, “you drink tea?” you asked as you sifted through the bags, you could tell Bucky had turned to look at you but you didn’t look at him. 

“S-sure,” he straightened his posture. 

“What kind?” 

“What kind do you have?” 

“I have almost everything in the world,” you turned and met his gaze, Bucky quickly looked at the floor, “so…?”

“I like London fogs if you have milk- if not I’ll take earl grey.” 

“I think it's going to have to be just earl grey, you caught me there.” you paused and picked out a mug, “I don’t have everything,” you faked a defeated huff. 

Bucky quickly became worried, “oh no, it wasn’t a competition thing, I was just- I never wanted to- I’m really sorry for all this, I should just leave-” he stood but you cut him off. 

“Hey, wait.” You reached out but didn’t touch him, “I was joking, don’t worry,” the electric kettle finished and you poured two cups. You had found that eating or drinking with someone in a vulnerable position makes them open up easier. You served Bucky first, both your hands wrapping around the warming mug. 

“Thanks,” he whispered but he wanted it to be louder. 

You went back and grabbed your own mug, taking a seat adjacent to him. For a while, you both just blew on your teas to cool them down, slowly you placed your down on the table and Bucky seemed to copy you. “So,” you started, “what brings you to the VA?” 

He brought his hand to the back of his neck to rub, “I’d rather not say, I just called Sam after… something and he said to come here and find you, so I did but I didn’t think it through.” He looked everywhere except you, his eyes found the mugs and the colourful chairs. 

There was something that you wanted to dig out of him, so you changed your path. “Where were you before coming here?” you asked and picked up your mug. 

“I was at therapy actually,” Bucky looked down to his mug, his eyes never leaving the slightly translucent liquid. “After that session, I wasn’t feeling too great and I would have gone to Sam’s house but he’s holding down the fort in Louisiana...so…” Bucky nodded and pressed his lips to a thin line, still not looking at you. 

“Where do you go for therapy?” you asked, your voice sounding as soothing as possible. 

“Um,” Bucky actually had to think, “the, um, New York Reach Out Centre, a few blocks down.” 

“I go there too,” you genuinely smiled and nodded. 

Only then did Bucky look up, “what?” he breathed, “you go to therapy?” 

“Yeah,” you shrugged like it was nothing, “I fully believe everyone should go to therapy, my guy is Dr. Sheppard, he’s way better than my last girl, she was awful.” you faked a shiver which made Bucky’s lip twitch upwards. 

“I don’t like mine either but I can’t leave like you did,” he thought that was the end of his sentence but you looked at him and silently told him to keep going, “well, the government assigned me to her but I didn’t get a choice, I didn’t get to test her out, she just showed up and I feel like she doesn't like me. Hell, she gave me- uh, never mind,” Bucky coughed and picked up his mug, “tastes nice.”

You chose not to dig there, “I talked to Sam a while ago and he said he’s been trying to get you in the amputee group, is that true?” Bucky just nodded so you kept going, “how come you haven’t shown up?” 

“I don’t want to,” Bucky said plainly, “there’s already too much shit going on, I’m dealing with something else and I’ve decided to just put that part of me in a box and off to the side for a second, maybe at some point I’ll come here but I-” he sighed and wiped his face, “there are other pressing matters.”

“Anything I can do?” You scooted forward and your chair, “I have the ears and the time if you want to rant and then make me forget everything,” there was no reaction from Bucky, “you want to talk or do you want to sit here and enjoy your tea while I answer some emails?” he stopped looking at you again, you didn’t know if that was going backwards with the small process you made. 

“I don’t really know,” he sighed as he brought a hand up to cup his chin, his head shifted so he could look at you, “you’re being too nice, I feel like there’s something up.” 

“Am I being nice or are you just used to being treated like shit?” 

You didn’t think that would hit him as hard as he did, his entire posture changed. Bucky tensed and leaned back in his chair as his shoulders rolled inwards, his eyes looked to the ground again. “Sorry,” he whispered. His eyes went wider and you noticed his chest was falling quicker, “sorry,” he said again as he brought a finger up to check his pulse, “sorry,” once more. You quickly moved over beside him as his breathing picked up. 

“Shit,” you placed both your hands on his knees but all that did was cause a whimper and him to curl up even more. He kept repeating ‘sorry’ but to no one in particular, you knew it was bad when the wheeze was incredibly loud and tears gathered on his water line. “Hey, hey, hey,” you pushed his knees down so he could see your face, “your tea is still hot, can you blow on it for me?” you asked and held out his cup. 

Bucky leaned forward and looked at his tea, there was no steam but he took your word for it. Very cautiously he pursed his lips and took a deep breath in and a steady one out, making sure he didn’t blow too hard and spit tea in your face. His breathing slowed down as the pursed-lip breathes continued, his face went back to normal colour and he seemed calmer. After a while you offered the cup and Bucky took a sip, fully unaware of how you made him breathe in a controlled manner. 

“Thanks,” he whispered and finished the cup, “that was really kind of you.” 

“No worries,” you smiled, “I’ll try to be less…” you tried to find a way to put it, “less harsh about those things, it was too much.” 

“I should go,” Bucky stood. He headed to the door and you walked him all the way to the very front doors, “do you run the amputee unit here?” he asked as he zipped up his jacket.

“Sobriety unit,” you couldn’t help but laugh at how defeated he looked when you said that, “but, I can give you my number if you ever want to talk an ear off, how does that sound?” 

“Like it’s too good to be true,” Bucky pulled out his phone and handed it over. 

“Well, Bucky,” you spoke as you saved the contact, “you should learn that not everything is too good to be true, I think karma is making its way back to you.” 

“I don’t believe in karma,” Bucky put the phone in his back pocket. 

“Me either,” you smiled, “but now I know. I think you should learn that good things happen to everyone, even you, Sargent Barnes.”

“I should go,” his face was pink with a blush, “thank you for everything, really.” 

You just waved and watched him walk down the street before turning to a side street, when he was out of sight part of you felt a bit of guilt flood your stomach. You pulled out your phone and dialed Sam’s number, before the Flag Smashers you hadn’t talked to him for a year. He deserved an update on his best friend. 

Episode 2

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[devilyn]

my last | tsukishima kei

— alexa, play: i wouldn’t know any better than you by gentle bones

I'll think of a place where I can meet you (meet you) To tell you all the reasons why I need you I won't mess it up again and leave you But I wouldn't know, I wouldn't know any better than you

— synopsis: you’ve become an expert at reading between the lines with tsukishima kei, until you absolutely can’t anymore.

— genre: more angst & happy endings, i love hurt/comfort lol.

— word count: 1.8k

"You're my first, you know."

Your eyes fluttered open, your gaze turning up to meet Tsukishima's. His fingers ran through your hair slowly, your head resting comfortably in his lap.

"Hm?" you questioned.

"Relationship," he responded simply. There was a look in his eyes that you couldn't quite identify, but he looked like he was seeing right past you. "Probably my last too."

You were quiet for a second before your hand reached out to gently brush over his cheek.

"If it were coming from anyone else, I'd say it's romantic," you teased. "but it's you, so what's wrong, Kei?"

His eyes seemed to refocus, dialing back into your reality.

"...I just don't think anyone else would be able to put up with me the way you do," his lips curled up into a familiar smirk, and you scoffed and rolled your eyes as he leaned down quickly.

Back then, you knew. You knew his real intentions, and the way he conveyed them in the way he kissed you after. 

He loved you more than anything else in the world--that’s what he meant. He’d never love anyone else the way he loved you. You learned to translate Tsukishima’s badly-phrased confessions after years of being by his side.

But now, that skill proved useless. Now, you were sitting in an empty apartment with your boyfriend nowhere in sight.

Tsukishima’s anger was usually silent, rarely explosive. Last night, it was different. Last night, he spat words that you knew he didn’t mean. And though you had become an expert at interpreting his true intentions, it didn’t stop the pain he inflicted.

“I just want you to come to this one event, Kei,” you pleaded, following him into your shared bathroom as he tossed his jacket onto the couch. “It’s my cousin’s wedding! I know you hate events like these but--”

“If you know, then stop begging,” he cut you off coldly, staring to pull his shirt over his head. “Out. I want to shower.” 

“Kei!” you cried out, standing in the bathroom doorway. You were growing increasingly frustrated.

“I’m a Division 2 professional volleyball player and a full time student,” he spat without even turning around to look at you. “Do I look like I sit at home all day like you?”

“Kei, you know that’s not even true,” you groaned, tugging at your hair in frustration.

“It’s not true?” he hissed, finally whirling around to glare at you. “What’re you doing when I’m at practice?” he angrily waved his arm around as if to motion at the space around him. “The apartment’s a mess, you always complain about not having enough time to do work, yet you spend most of your time sitting on your ass, and now you want me to take a day off to go to a stupid wedding I don’t even want to be at? Sorry the rest of us don’t laze around like you do.”

Somewhere deep down, you knew he was just tired. Tired, and irritated from a long day of classes and practice. But a voice in your head quietly asked if, maybe he was bottling this all up and finally telling the truth.

Still, he didn’t need to treat you this way.

“Baby,” you started slowly with a pet name, trying to stay calm despite the way your hands shook with contained anger. “You’re being mean, and you know it. My cousin’s getting married. If you can’t be my plus one, it’s alright.”

“Stop talking to me like I’m a child when we both know you’re the childish one here,” he scoffed.

“You’re the one acting like a child,” you snapped, no longer able to hold back. “I’m not saying your life is easy--you balance more than anyone else I know. All I’m saying is that this could be a break for you too and you could stop overworking yourself.”

“The only thing I need a break from is you,” he hissed under his breath. 

The silence that filtered through the small bathroom lingered until you hid a sob behind a choked laugh. The sound grated on his ears, and his heart started to sink.

He sighed, taking a step towards you, “Baby--”

“Shut the fuck up,” you cursed, instinctively taking a step back--away from him.

Tsukishima felt his heart growing heavier and heavier, especially now that your eyes were beginning to water.

You hated how much you loved him. You made sure to let him know between your loud sobs as you pushed him out of your shared apartment. Because you knew eventually, you’d forgive him.

That’s why he was knocking incessantly at the front door and bombarding your phone with calls you never picked up. Silently to yourself, you wondered where he slept last night, but the thought was quickly replaced with the memory of his harsh words.

“Don’t you think you’re too mean, sometimes?” you commented offhandedly one day while he was studying for his final exams.

“I’ve always been mean, and you knew it when you started dating me,” he responded absentmindedly.

“Yeah, but what if one day you’re too mean and you bully me until I cry?” you grinned as you watched your boyfriend furrow his brows at a difficult practice problem in his textbook. Mischievously, you lifted his arm so you could slip yourself into his lap, legs wrapping around his torso as you buried your face into the crook of his neck. “What will you do then?”

“Hey--Y/N I can’t study like this--”

“The question, Tsukki,” you teased, lifting your head up so he had no choice but to focus on the stupid grin tugging at your lips

“Don’t,” he stated simply, narrowing his eyes at you in response to your playful use of his nickname.

“Then, answer my question,” your hands came up to gently cup his cheeks, turning his gaze back up to your face. His gaze softened as his eyes scanned each one of your facial features.

“I’d apologize--”

“Tsukishima Kei would apologize?” you gasped playfully, and your boyfriend rolled his eyes.

“Then I won’t apologize,” he stated firmly before he dropped his pen and wrapped his arms tight around your waist. His face leaned forward quickly, peppering kisses all over your face.

“W-Wait--Kei!” you cried out between ticklish kisses, your laughter echoing throughout the living room. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please!”

He grinned, a rare sight, before finally pulling back and allowing you to rest your forehead against his as you giggled.

“So? You’d apologize, and?”

“I’d apologize,” he repeated. “And I’d make sure you knew I never meant it, and that I would never hurt you like that again. Because I love you.”

You felt your face warming up, flustered by his sudden confession. Rarely did your boyfriend express his love through his words, and you could tell by his smug expression that he had done so intentionally to fluster you.

“H-How would I know you didn’t mean it?” you stammered, lifting your head up to avert your gaze.

“Mm, because you’re the only one for me?” his hand reached up to tilt your face back towards him, fingers gently pressing against your jaw. “Is that what you’d expect me to say?” he snickered.

Your smitten expression morphed into one of displeasure, and you swatted at his shoulder as he muffled his joyous laughs into his palm. Still, you couldn’t stay mad at him. Not when he was smiling so freely.

That vulnerability spoke on its own. You knew he meant it, when he jokingly said you were the only one for him.

“Baby,” you could hear his voice break, the sound muffled by your thin apartment door. The two of you always complained about how you could hear everything out in the hallways. This just meant that your neighbors could definitely hear the way he’d been pounding on your front door for the past hour. “Baby, you have to let me in. I need to explain, please.”

“I already know your explanation,” you finally called out, voice hoarse from an entire night of loud bawling. The knocking on the door finally stopped, and you were blessed with a brief moment of silence.

“I know, Kei,” your voice quivered, though no tears welled up in your tired, reddened eyes. “I know you didn’t mean what you said. You were tired from practice, and exams have been getting to you. I know you’re busy, it’s why you’re never home lately, and I understand.”

He was silent.

“I just...believed your words for a bit,” you laughed bitterly. “When I knew I shouldn’t have. So I pushed you away, even while knowing that mean words are your defense mechanism. I guess kicking you out was mine.”

A click, and the door handle turned. You groaned, burying your face into your hands and turning over on the couch so he wouldn’t have to see how swollen your eyes were.

“You had your key the whole time, and you decided to bother the neighbors for an entire hour instead?”

You listened to the door creak shut behind him.

“Wanted you to let me in on your own, but couldn’t wait anymore when you said something so dumb,” he responded, though he cursed quickly after. “Wait--no, you know I didn’t mean it like that--”

“Yeah,” you interrupted with a weak smile, back still facing him even as he approached you. “I know.”

The weight shifted as he placed himself next to you on the edge of the couch. Hesitantly, he reached forward and brushed your hair gently.

“...what I meant was that you shouldn’t blame yourself,” he murmured softly. “I was wrong for saying things I didn’t mean just because I was stressed.”

“They had to come from somewhere, Kei,” you sighed as you finally turned around to face him. His expression was conflicted--one you hadn’t seen on him before. “It’s not like you decided to accuse me of being lazy out of nowhere, you said way too much. It’s why I believed you for a minute.”

“I’m sorry, I really am,” his eyes softened at the sight of your broken expression. Reaching forward, his hand grazed over your tear-stained cheeks. “I know you work hard. Just because you don’t always overwhelm yourself with work at all times doesn’t mean you’re not working hard.”

Finally, you sat up and crawled into Tsukishima’s lap. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

“You apologized. So what’s next?” you asked quietly as his arms circled around you to gently run his large palm across your back, soothing you.

“For the rest of my life, I’ll make sure you know I never meant what I said, and I’ll never do that again.”

“Because I’m your last?” you murmured, voice watery as tears slipped past your cheeks once again. He pulled you back slightly so he could brush his lips over your swollen eyes and wipe your tears away with his thumbs.

“Because you’re my last,” he confirmed with a weak smile. “Because I love you.”

And you believed him.

[blackacre13]

The actress au is so good! please write more parts

Part seven is here; here's part eight!

“Good girl,” Lou whispered, her voice dropping as Debbie’s eyes fluttered wide, gasping as Lou kissed her again, her fingers coming up against her neck, leaving slight pressure this time as Debbie did her damndest not to moan into her touch, disappointed when the blonde pulled away, swinging the door open into the sunlight as she looked back at a shocked and still Debbie, left blinking as the sun peeked through the stage door. “Coming?”

“Oh, Ms. Miller!” A page spoke rushing over to the blonde before Debbie had time to properly collect herself enough for a response, Lou greeting the other woman with a pleasant smile, nodding along as she took a water bottle from her and a stack of post-it notes. Debbie only able to hear a mumble of, “I told him I wasn’t doing that bloody project. If he thinks I’m gonna read the script anyway….well,” she sighed. “I guess he’s right. Fuck. Thanks for this.”

Debbie stepped out awkwardly, trying to peek at the script in Lou’s hands to distract from the fact that the two stars were coming out of an empty sound stage away from where they were shooting together, but the page didn’t seem to notice or care, her own duties getting in the way of any sort of curiosity or gossip.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Ocean, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I have a Mr. Becker on the phone for you?”

Debbie’s face went pale as she managed a small nod, feeling Lou’s deep eyes on her, practically boring into her skull with something Debbie couldn’t quite interpret. Hurt? Pain? Confusion?

There were too many things to explain. Too many rumors to squash. And she wanted Lou to know them all, but she certainly couldn’t do any of that here and now.

“Ms. Ocean?” The page prompted again, holding out a smartphone as Debbie muted the screen, tossing her what she hoped was a gentle and professional smile.

“I’ll call him back from my trailer,” Debbie muttered. “Could you just maybe give the two of us a second. I just—“

“I’m sorry, I actually need you in hair and Ms. Miller in makeup. Ms. Miller, if you’ll just come with me.”

“Lou,” Debbie pled, turning to the blonde as Lou’s eyes flashed with hurt.

“I’ll see you on set,” she spoke blankly, nodding towards the page before following her off, Debbie’s stomach flipping wildly as she watched Lou’s fingers crumple the water bottle in her hand into a ball as she stalked off.

Debbie’s eyes were blazing as she stomped back towards the trailer, flinging the door open as she scrambled for her phone, angrily and blindly dialing before she held the phone up to her ear with a hiss.

“Bee?”

“You know I hate that name.”

“That’s why it’s funny.”

“What do you want?”

“You know what I want, Bee.”

“I did this movie to get away from you, Claude,” Debbie growled.

“And what is it, they say? Distance makes the love go longer?”

“Heart grow fonder,” Debbie sighed, sinking down on the couch, burying her head between her knees as she moved the phone to speaker. Here it went. Claude Becker. Fucking up her life once again. Ruining anything good that ever came into her path.

“Aw, I knew you’d agree, Bee,” he chuckled. “So, how’s it been babe? That Miller chick is hot. Heard you two get to french a little.”

“I can’t believe I ever pretended to date you,” the brunette huffed, banging her head against her thigh. “Are you just calling to tell me the same thing again, Claude? Because it’s getting a little old repeating the same speech. What we had was good. It worked. It did its job. But it wasn’t real.”

“It was real to me, baby,” Claude whispered, and Debbie grimaced, practically feeling the stubble of his beard against her cheek through the phone.

“Claude,” Debbie exhaled, unable to believe she was having this conversation yet again. “This was never real. And it never will be. And you’re Fucking things up more than you even know, okay? We used to be co-stars. We used to be each other’s date on the red carpet. But, hey, our managers arranged it. None of it is real. None of it is—“ her mind drifted off, thinking of the hurt in Lou’s eyes as she walked away. She had desperately wanted to run after her and explain. Tell her there was nothing to worry about. But if their roles had been reversed, Debbie knew her mind would be racing and she was too stubborn and focused to make room to listen to anyone. She would’ve been spiraling.

And now she had to deal with Claude Becker of all things and make it back to set and see how she could 1) act like her career depended on it because it did, and 2) make sure Lou was okay and that there was still a chance to figure out who this Lou and Debbie was without anyone else being the wiser. Fuck.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Absentee

Character: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Summary: When Y/N fell in love with Jason Todd, she didn’t realize the normalcy she lost would become such a problem in their relationship. And she didn’t know how much pain it would cause to hide her boyfriend’s secrets. 

Word Count: 4,600 – One Shot

A/N: This is probably a really personal story. And you all might hate it or not relate to it. But oh well...

Y/N had her music playing in her headphones just quietly enough so she could hear them announce when her plane was boarding.

Between corporate holidays and what was left of her vacation days for the year, she was able to go home for a week and a half.

Only, she was hoping that this year she wouldn’t be going home alone.

But when Jason got sucked into a case two weeks before their flight back to her hometown, she knew there was no way he’d be accompanying her.  

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just–“ Jason had tried to tell her when she realized they weren’t going to be spending the holidays together.

“You don’t have to apologize. There are more important things right now than meeting my crazy family,” Y/N laughed lightly. “But they’ll be bummed.”

Jason still looked so down guiltily. He knew that Y/N had been downplaying how excited she was for her family to meet him.

Yeah, Y/N was upset, but her family was even more upset. Being in a different part of the country and them never putting in the effort to visit her, they had yet to meet Jason. Even when the two of them had been dating for 10 months.

Y/N had met all of Jason’s brothers, along with Bruce and Alfred. It had all been against his will, his family strategically running into them or invading his apartment when they knew Y/N would be there. Jason acted annoyed by it, but Y/N knew he was happy for her to meet them and without him having to act like he cared.

But Jason had only ever waved on FaceTime to her family or sometimes answered calls from them when Y/N left her phone next to him and went to another room.

It wasn’t like Y/N needed her family’s approval. She knew what she wanted and what was best for her. Their opinions didn’t hold as much weight with her as they thought.

But Y/N also had never introduced her family to a boyfriend before. Things either fizzled out before then or the relationship was so casual that the thought of even mentioning a boy-toy’s name in passing to her family made her want to jump out a window.

———

“So Jason couldn’t get out of work last minute?” Y/N’s older sister, Kate, asked as they drove to her house after picking her up from arrivals.

And so it began.

“No,” Y/N answered. “His boss is sort of an asshole. He’s a workaholic and can’t fathom why anyone else would ever be anything different.”

The truth was that Jason didn’t really have a job. When it came to income, Jason was resourceful. He was still a hitman for hire. But once the killing part of that job stopped – which was long before Y/N ever met him – it didn’t rake in as much money. Most of his money was either stolen from criminals or he would work odd jobs here and there.

However, the lie Jason and Y/N had agreed on was that he was a mechanic. And Jason did know absolutely everything there was to know about cars and motorcycles. He’d even promised Y/N that if she ever decided she wanted him to drop the vigilante life, he would do just that and start his own mechanic shop. But Y/N knew better than to ever ask that of him.

“Cars don’t stop breaking – even around the holidays,” Y/N joked darkly.

“Mhmm,” her sister answered.

Y/N already knew what her family thought of her boyfriend’s “job”: it wasn’t good enough for them.

The only reason they let it slide was because they knew Bruce Wayne was his adoptive father. Therefore they interpreted Jason’s ‘lack of ambition’ as his personal rebellion against his privilege and upbringing.

“Mom said he sent flowers and a bottle of wine to the house today and apologized for not being able to make it,” Kate added.

Y/N quickly looked at her in surprise.

“So I’m guessing from your reaction that it wasn’t your idea,” Kate teased.

“No,” Y/N shook her head. “He didn’t even tell me he did that.”

That was a Bruce Wayne move for sure. It didn’t matter that Jason had a rocky relationship with him, the Wayne charm and manners were deceivingly contagious.

————

Later that night, when everyone was in bed and Y/N decided to finally unpack. And she was surprised to find two of Jason’s t-shirts hidden in her bag. They were her favorites of his, always stealing them. Mostly she wore them to lounge around the apartment or to wear to bed. But her favoritism was in no way hidden.

Jason must’ve snuck them in her bag while she wasn’t looking.

Y/N smiled as she grabbed one of the shirts and raised it to her nose. It still smelled like him.

It was enough to make her feel guilty for not having called him yet. She’d texted him that she landed, but other than that, she’d been pretty silent.

She grabbed her cell and dialed.

“Hey, you.”

He always answered her calls as if they made his day, even if she’d called him multiple times that day already. His reaction to her calls never failed to make Y/N smile.

“I didn’t really expect you to pick up,” Y/N admitted.

“Always got time for you,” he answered lightly.

But then she heard background noise: wind blowing, distant sirens, people shouting at each other nearby.

Jason was on patrol. Or maybe he was doing some recon. 

But Y/N knew not to ask. 

“I see some of your clothes made the trip,” Y/N commented through a smile. Jason could hear the smile in her voice. “Those t-shirts have a mind of their own…”

“And my mom thought the flowers and card were sweet,” she added.

“I might not have met her yet, but I know that’s not gonna be enough to win her over,” Jason answered darkly.

Y/N didn’t say anything, because they both knew he was right.

“Flight was fine?” Jason asked, changing the subject.

“Mhmm.”

“I miss you.”

Y/N shook her head and laughed. “No, you don’t. I’ve been gone for like 12 hours.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

She rolled her eyes. “Always the romantic.”

More sirens could be heard. They sounded closer this time. “Are you being careful?” All playfulness had disappeared from her voice.

“Of course.”

Y/N sighed. “Jason, I’m serious. Please, be safe.”

“I know. I know. Don’t worry about me.”

“You know that’s not gonna happen, J.”

He ignored her comment. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

————————

To say Y/N’s time at home was rough…was an understatement.

If Y/N wasn’t being asked a million questions about Jason, she was being interrogated for why he wasn’t there. And if Jason wasn’t the subject of the conversation, people acted like she was single – some even talking about setting her up.

Y/N realized she preferred the former.

Every year, her family threw a giant party.

And for the past five years, Y/N had always been the only one that was single. All of her siblings, all of her cousins, all of their family friends, all of their neighbors…every single one of them had a significant other during those years. 

Everyone...except her. Now, this year, all of them had kids or were expecting.

It was exhausting. 

Sometimes Y/N felt like they were all robots programmed to do the exact same things at the exact same time –  no original thought to be had.

Y/N would be lying if she didn’t spend most of the party wishing Jason was at her side. He would make fun of awkward situations with her. And he would stick up for her when her family teased her a little too much.

The other thing Y/N wasn’t prepared for was unintentionally studying  her family’s boyfriends or husbands. She felt like she was watching everyone’s relationships through a different lens now that she herself had her own. And to put it as kindly as possible…she was not impressed.

Y/N noticed how none of the men offered to help in the kitchen, instead deciding to sit on the couch and watch football and scream at the television. Or how when her cousin handed her son to her husband, and he acted like he didn’t even know how to hold the one year old. And later, when his diaper needed to be changed, he handed him back to his wife as if he had no idea how to do it himself.

Yet her family was stuck on Jason not being able to visit or that he was a mechanic.

What did someone’s job matter if they treated her like she was their world and he the best thing to ever happen to her?

If Jason were here, he would be in the kitchen cooking. And if they had a kid, it would be a 50/50 job – not a burden only Y/N had to bare. He would try to get to know everyone because he would want to know the people who raised the woman he loved. He’d make sure to check in on Y/N every once in awhile, making sure she didn’t need anything. 

Thinking about it all made Y/N miss Jason even more.

Needing to get some air, she decided to go outside and let the winter chill refresh her. It had been getting too hot in the house.

Y/N pulled her phone out of her back pocket and tapped Jason’s name.

“Hey, you.”

“Hi,” she sighed.

Just hearing his voice made her feel a bit better and tension left her body.

“What’s wrong?” Jason quickly asked.

“Nothing. Just…wanted to check in.”

For a second, she was going to explain that she had the sudden realization that all the men connected to her family were trash. And witnessing it was making her miss him more. But she didn’t really want to waste her breath and she figured she’d just come off dramatic more than sincere.

“Are you at your apartment?” She asked quickly.

“Yeah, I’m gonna leave for patrol in a bit…”

Then Y/N’s mind suddenly thought, ‘Fuck it.’

“Jason?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“If you were here…” She began softly.

“Mhmm,” he encouraged.

“What would you be doing?”

Jason was a bit confused by the question for a second. But he slowly got what she was asking.

“Well,” he took in a shallow breath. “I would’ve stolen Alfred’s famous chocolate chip cookie recipe and whipped up those bad boys to bring over. And I’d pretend to care about football with your dad.”

That made Y/N laugh.

“I’d help your mom in the kitchen, even when she pretended not to want it.”

“Really laying it on thick, huh?”

But Y/N knew he was right. Jason was the cook between the two of them – and a good one, too. He also was a helper. He couldn’t sit back and watch someone do something while he did nothing. No matter how big or small.

“Shhh,” Jason reprimanded and then continued. “But most importantly, I’d try to get as many embarrassing stories about you as I possibly could.”

“Well, thank goodness you’re not here then,” she teased with a roll of her eyes.

Jason was quiet a second before he asked, “Wanna tell me what’s wrong now?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Just miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“All my family’s boyfriends and husbands are losers. And I guess I’m just now realizing it.”

“Ahh,” Jason noted.

Now he really knew why she’d asked her question.

“It’s snowing here,” he told her as he looked out the window. “It’s almost making Gotham look pretty.”

“Are you going to the manor for Christmas?”

“Probably not,” Jason answered.

“Jason,” she grumbled. “What are you going to do instead? Sit in your apartment alone?”

“I’m gonna patrol. Crime doesn’t take holidays, Y/N.”

“Cheesy,” she pointed out. “Please be with your family, Jason. I don’t want you to be alone. OK?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Y/N knew that was as good as it was going to get.

Then she felt something on her cheek and she looked up. “Hey, it just started snowing here, too…” She told him with her head tilted back.

“I love you,” he sighed.

“I love you, too. Be careful tonight, Jason.”

Y/N gave herself a few more moments outside before returning to the party.

When she walked back inside, she immediately heard her name. But no one was calling to her. 

She was being talked about. 

She recognized her mom and sister’s voices, and then a couple of her aunts. They were talking around the corner, completely unaware that Y/N was in hearing distance.

So Y/N couldn’t help but linger.

“She says he works a lot. Every time I facetime her, he’s never there,” her sister Kate told the women. “I wouldn’t even really know what he looked like if it weren’t for her photos that she’s sent me. He doesn’t have any social media.”

“I just can’t believe he couldn’t get work off. Around the holidays?” Her mom added in utter disbelief. “Sounds like it won’t be surprising when she finds out he’s been unfaithful,” one her aunts commented.

The group hummed in agreement, but also disappointment. 

“He doesn’t even live in Metropolis. He lives in Gotham,” her mother supplied, only further backing the idea that Jason wasn’t committed. “God knows why. But I hate that Y/N is constantly going there. No good news comes from that city.”

Y/N clenched her teeth in anger.

If only they knew the truth about Jason. 

He was a hero and risked his life every night for an entire city – a city that had done nothing but hurt him. And he was 20 times the man than any of the men in their family.

She just wanted to scream at them for being so judgmental about a person they’d never even met.

But she couldn’t.

So Y/N stormed up to her childhood bedroom and decided she had enough of the party.

She shouldn’t have come home for the holidays. She would’ve rather waited for Jason to get back from his Red Hood work than listen to her family misjudge the first man she ever truly loved and wanted to share with them.

————————

Y/N was so tired when she got off the plane.

She felt like a zombie as she walked to baggage claim to grab her duffle.

What she wasn’t expecting was to find her boyfriend waiting for her in arrivals.

Y/N had told him she would just get a car.

But Jason seemed to have other ideas.

Y/N’s entire face brightened at the sight of him.

She practically ran to him and jumped into his arms.

Jason chuckled at her enthusiasm.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, her words muffled by his body.

“I thought I’d surprise you,” Jason said through a smile before he kissed her head.

Y/N didn’t respond, just held him tightly.

“Come on. Let’s get your bag and head home,” he finally told her.

—

“So, how was it?” Jason asked once they got into his car. Y/N shrugged, “It was fine.”

Her lack of details and curt response was enough warning for Jason to realize things were not totally fine between them.

He didn’t bother asking for more details during the car ride home. Instead, he answered all her questions about what he had been up to, how the case was going, if his family was alright.

Once they got back to Y/N’s apartment in Metropolis, the grace period seemed to be over.

Y/N had grown quiet as she moved around her apartment, unpacking and putting all her things away.

Jason walked into her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed as she folded clean clothes. “This might be a shot in the dark. But I can’t help but feel that you’re not happy with me,” he finally pointed out.

She didn’t answer or look at him, just kept folding.

“Did something happen while you were at home?” Jason pushed.

She still didn’t answer. So Jason reached for her hands, holding them gently.

“Hey, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I just didn’t expect how hard it was going to be…” she finally whispered with a bowed head.

“What would be?”

“Just going home without you,” she explained.

“Did something happening?”

“I mean, kinda? Not really. They just…” she hesitated. Did she really want to confess all of this to him? She knew it would only hurt him. "They think you’re a bad boyfriend.”

Jason just nodded slowly.

He should’ve seen this coming. Of course her family didn’t think he was good enough. How could they think anything different?

“I’m just…fucking frustrated,” Y/n groaned. “I knew what I was getting into when you told me about your other life and who you really were. I was willing to keep your secret and protect it. I just never thought about how hard it would be keeping it from my family.”

She shook her head. “They think you’re not committed or something. And that…that you’re probably cheating on me.”

The idea of him ever doing that her made Jason sick to his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Jason mumbled.

“What?” Y/N gasped. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“But I have,” he argued. “I put you in this position.”

“No, I did. I did when I fell in love with you,” she clarified.

“But I don’t want you lying to the people you love.”

“I’m not telling you this because I’m mad at you or blame you, Jason. I’m trying to tell you why I’m frustrated.”

She rubbed her face. “I just want them to know what an amazing person you are...and how brave and selfless. How you take care of me and love me and…and protect me.” Her eyes began to water. “They’re never gonna know the real you…even when they do meet you. And I fucking hate it.”

“So what if you told them?” Jason offered.

Her eyes widened at that. “Jason…”

“I’m serious. What if you told them?”

She thought about it. But she already knew the answer.

“It wouldn’t do any good. If I told them, then they’d be worried about me. Worried that your other life was putting me in danger. Worried that I would get pulled into it.”

Jason knew she was right.

Her family probably preferred an absentee boyfriend over a vigilante.

“But I see how the shitty men that have joined my family are. And you’re nothing like them. You’re so much better. And they’ll never even know.”

“Come here,” Jason muttered before he pulled her to him.

He let her body sink into his as he held her.

“I’ll do anything you want,” he whispered as he rubbed her back. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I always wondered what it would be like to finally been in a relationship – to just have someone on my team no matter what. I went to all those family gatherings thinking I’d never have it. And once I did, once I found you…” Her thoughts died out. “I just never expected it to be this way.”

“Do you regret it?” Jason asked as he pulled away to look in her eyes.

Her brow furrowed. “Regret what?”

“Being with me. Falling in love with me.”

Her heart broke at the question. “Oh, Jason. Of course not. Never.”

“What if I stopped?” He asked.

“No. I would never ask that of you,” she quickly shot down.

“I’d do it for you,” he tried to argue.

“I know you would. But I’m not asking. Because I know what it would do to you. Every time you’d see something in the news, you’d hate yourself. Because you would convince yourself that you could’ve stopped it. And maybe you would be right.” She took in a deep breath. “Red Hood isn’t just something you do. He’s a part of you. And even though I worry about you constantly, I’m never gonna tell you to stop.”

Jason took his time in reading her face.

“OK?” She pushed.

He nodded.

Then he embraced her once again.

“I’m sorry you have to keep my secrets,” he breathed into her hair.

————————————

Y/N walked into Jason’s apartment.

It was a Friday night and they agreed to have her come to his place this weekend.

Jason was always weary of her coming to Gotham, preferring her to stay in the safety of Metropolis.

He knew they couldn’t do the distance forever, and eventually they’d move into together. But he wasn’t ready to leave Gotham yet. And he didn’t want Y/N to lowering herself to such a city.

“J!” Y/N called when she walked in.

He had given her keys to his apartment quite early in their relationship, and told her she was welcome at his place any time. However, he wasn’t a fan of her getting there after dark. Gotham was Gotham, and he didn’t like her wandering around the city by herself just in order to give him a surprise visit.

An envelope on Jason’s kitchen counter caught her attention.

She nosily looked at it and saw that they were plane tickets to her hometown with both of their names on each of them.  

She heard Jason walk up behind her. “What’s this?”

“A surprise,” he shrugged.

“What do you mean?” She laughed.

“We’re gonna visit your family,” he explained casually. “I called your mom and sister to find a weekend that worked.”

Y/N was shocked to silence.

“I know I fucked up when I couldn’t go with you during the holidays. I know this isn’t gonna solve everything. But I figured…it’s start.” Before he could say more, Y/N threw her arms around him.

————

Jason Todd knew how to throw on the charm. And no matter how thick he laid it on, it always felt sincere.

Y/N smiled as she watched her boyfriend interacting with her family.

He knew so much about each of them already, that he knew exactly what to talk about with every one of them.

For their long-weekend visit, they had decided to stay with her sister.

Jason knew she would be the hardest to win over and was the most protective over Y/N. He made it his personal mission to befriend her and show her how much he loved her little sister.

Y/N never said so, but Jason knew how important it was to her that Kate approved of him.

However, Jason hadn’t been able to have a conversation alone with her all weekend.

Until their last morning there.

Y/N was still sleeping when Jason had made his way to the kitchen.

He figured he could make Kate and her husband breakfast after housing them for a long weekend. And he made sure to start a pot of coffee while he was at it.

Halfway through making his specialty waffles, Kate walked into the kitchen rubbing her eyes.

“Oh, hi,” she greeted, clearly surprised to find Jason cooking in her kitchen.

“Morning,” Jason greeted.

“This is a surprise,” she said as she looked around the kitchen.

“There’s coffee if you want some.”

“T-Thanks…” she managed to mutter. “Do you need some help?”

“Nope. I got it. You just relax.”

Kate seemed to be unsure of how to behave when she was alone with her little sister’s boyfriend, and eventually sat on the kitchen stool with her coffee.

“Do you cook a lot?” She finally broke the silence with her question.

“I enjoy it,” he answered with a shrug. “I figured it’s the least I can do for you guys putting us up.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Jason.”

He continued cooking.

Kate figured this was her opportunity to get to know Jason – and not just through Y/N’s eyes. So, she started asking him question after question, and he seemed happy to answer them. Kate was surprised to find out about Jason’s traumatic childhood, making him realize that Y/N must’ve only shared his relation to Bruce Wayne and nothing more about his life before becoming an adopted Wayne.

Jason wasn’t surprised Y/N kept that part of his life to herself. She was protective of him that way. She always felt like his past was his story to tell, not hers.

“I know missing the holidays didn’t leave the best impression,” Jason told her after they’d been talking for awhile.

“You really mean a lot to Y/N. And your opinion matters more to her than you might think,” he added as he crossed his arms.

Kate seemed a little taken aback by how unafraid he was of confrontation.

He seemed more mature for his age – maybe for hers, even.

“I know I’m not going to win any of you over from just a single trip,” Jason continued. “But I’m going to work my ass off to make sure I get there.”

Kate smiled at that.

“I love her,” he told her quietly, but with determination. “She’s…Well, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Then he smirked. “And I’m not dumb enough to do anything to fuck things up with her.”

He took in a shallow breath. “I just…I just needed you to know that.”

Kate’s heart swelled from hearing her little sister’s boyfriend confessing his love for Y/N.

“Thank you for telling me that,” she whispered, trying to stop herself from crying. “I worry about her. And I hate that she’s so far away sometimes. I miss her.”

“She misses you, too,” Jason assured her.

“Thank you for taking care of her. I’m suddenly realizing you’re the only reason she’s eating anything that’s not out of a takeout container.”

Jason laughed. “I plead the fifth.”

Before any more could be said, Y/N walked into the kitchen as if she was sleep walking.

“Well, look who it is…” Jason teased.

Y/N walked to him silently, clearly wanting cuddles.

Jason chuckled at her, but gave her what she wanted. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. He had kept the PDA at an absolute minimum while he had been around Y/N’s family. But he couldn’t help it when Y/N was her sleepy and adorable self.

“You sleep OK?” He tried to whisper to her.

But Kate still heard it and pretended to look down at her phone.

Y/N nodded into his neck, making him chuckle at her more.

This was new for Kate, seeing her sister being loved and loving someone. Her instinct was to say it made her uncomfortable. But it was just something she wasn’t used to.

Soon Kate’s husband woke up and they all ate breakfast together.

And a few hours later, Y/N and Jason were packed and their was a Lyft was waiting outside to take them to the airport.

Jason hugged Kate and her husband and thanked them for hosting them. Then he grabbed Y/N’s bags and gave her a moment alone with her sister as he took their stuff to the car.

“I think I owe the two of you an apology…” Kate told her little sister.

“You do?”

“I think I judged him a bit too much before really giving him a chance.”

Y/N winced, but nodded. “Yeah, you did, actually.”

“He really loves you.”

Y/N smiled. “He does.”

“I just want you to be happy, you know that right?”

“I know. But sometimes you think that what makes you happy is what would make me happy. Our lives are different. And we want different things. Just because my relationship looks different than yours doesn’t mean it’s worse in some way.”

Kate nodded sadly, knowing her sister was right. “I get that now.”

-----------

A/N: I was inspired to write this when I thought about how my own family would react to me having a boyfriend like Jason Todd: a man who was secretly a vigilante and had a past too hard for anyone to ever imagine. Hopefully, other people can relate to this and it wasn’t too personal. 😬

Let me know what you thought!!!

[miyagihawk]

“best friend” | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader

a/n: his hair is blue in the gif but red in the story :) also this is a bit long but i love it this is one of my favs

warnings: mentions of violence and cheating, swearing

summary: your boyfriend cheated on you and your best friend hawk is there for you

word count: 4207

You should’ve known. It couldn’t have been more obvious.

The way that he doesn’t let you see what’s on his phone. How he never takes you out anymore. The emotional distance you feel when he kisses you. It’s like he’s not even in the same room when you’re together.

Even with all the signs and evidence, your heart still broke like glass when you saw them together. Your boyfriend Danny and the girl that he always assured you was only his “best friend”, locking lips on his bed.

You had come to Danny’s house because he cancelled plans with you, claiming that he was sick. So you decided to surprise him with cookies that you baked, but he ended up having quite a surprise for you too.

The window of his room gave you a perfect view of the scene, and it was almost like you were meant to see it. Like he wanted you to see it. You stood in front of his house for what seemed like forever, trying to figure it out if it was real.

You tried d to rack your brain for excuses as to why he would do it. But there weren’t any. He was simply cheating on you.

Your heart physically hurt as your brain settled on that fact and you threw the plate of cookies on his lawn in defeat. Not caring if the noise made him look out the window, you began the walk back to your house with blurry vision from your tears.

But on the way there, you passed the house of your best friend Hawk. Seeking comfort from your heartbreak, you made your way to his window that you’ve always used as an entrance when you two hang out.

His light was on and you could hear his music, so you knocked on the glass with the rhythm you both made up to let him know that’s it’s you.

You waited as the music stopped and Hawk pulled back the curtains to reveal you. His red hair was down and framing his face in the way you like it. You’re the only person he allows to see him like that, and that fact always warms your heart.

Hawk looked happy to see you, but his smile dropped when he saw your tear stained cheeks and he quickly opened up the window. Helping you get in, he asked, “Y/N, what happened? Are you okay?”

You stood awkwardly in front of him, playing with your fingers. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to tell Hawk. He’s always hated Danny, and Hawk isn’t the most peaceful of creatures.

You didn’t say anything and just buried your face into his chest. You started to cry again, feeling safe in his arms as he held you tightly.

He led you to the bed to sit you down and let you cry it out in his warm embrace. He was worried about you, he’s never seen you like this; but he wouldn’t force you to talk. So for 15 minutes, Hawk ran his fingers through your hair comfortingly as you calmed down from your sobs.

“I’m sorry,” you spoke for the first time, smoothing down your hair. His shirt was filled with your tear stains, but he really couldn’t care less. He just wanted you to be okay.

“Don’t be sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” he said softly. He had a feeling about why you were crying, and he felt anger starting to bubble in his stomach.

You contemplated for a moment, not knowing if you should tell him. You knew Hawk. He would seek revenge on your behalf and it would end in blood.

But he would also find out anyways. If not from seeing Danny at school with the other girl, then he would probably put the pieces together if you told him that you broke up.

The only difference in the outcomes would be that right now you’re in control of how he finds out and you could possibly convince him to leave the situation alone.

“I-It’s Danny,” you breathed, feeling queasy about your decision.

You saw something flash in Hawk’s eyes and his fist tightened at the mention of your (ex) boyfriend’s name. “What did that fucker do,” he said, with a frightening, calm anger.

“Just... Don’t get mad, okay?” you stuttered. You could almost feel the change in the air just from the two words you spoke. Hawk unclenched his jaw and nodded, trying to be calm for you.

“I went to his house, and that was before I came here. And... I saw him with...,” your voice quavered as tears started blurring your vision again. It hurt to say it out loud and you couldn’t even finish your sentence.

Hawk abruptly stood up from beside you, and through your tear filled eyes, you could see the rage on his face. “I’m killing him,” was all he said, as he moved around the room to get his keys and jacket.

You stood up when he got to the door, and you pulled on his arm to make him stop. “Hawk, please. Stop,” you cried, but he was determined to make Danny hurt the way you were hurt. He wanted to hurt him more.

“That asshole was lucky to even have you look at him, Y/N. He’s fucking dead,” Hawk spit, taking his arm from you and making his way to the front door.

“Hawk! Just- stop. Stop! He isn’t worth it. Can you just stay here with me?” you whimpered, and at that moment his face fell. “Just stay, please. I need you.”

You saw the conflict on his face; the pity for you and his hatred for the boy who broke you. But with you in front of him, with puffy eyes and a cute red nose, he knows there’s no way he can leave.

The rest of the night, Hawk took care of you. He ordered in pizza from your favorite place and watched your favorite Disney movie with you, even though he always called it lame. His jokes made you laugh uncontrollably as if you hadn’t just gotten cheated on hours earlier. As always, your best friend was there to save the day.

“I’m sorry Y/N,” he said quietly as he played with your hair. It was already 1 am and you were both laying on his bed. You were exhausted from the day’s events; the thought of school the next day, especially seeing Danny, made you want to throw up.

“You were right,” you whispered, closing your eyes. Hawk had always been wary of Danny, and he often let you know it.

“Well, you see the best in everyone,” you felt the vibration of his voice from his chest, where you rested your head.

“What do you mean?” you looked up at him, struggling to read his face in the dark. His face was turned towards the ceiling in deep thought.

Hawk cleared his throat. “You see the good in people... and that’s my favorite thing about you. But sometimes you’re just so blind to the bad,” he explained.

You stayed quiet, thinking about his words and not really knowing how to interpret them. He continued, “I guess I’m trying to say that you’re different from normal people; you see through rose colored glasses. You dated that scumbag because you’re so loving that you saw the good in him, even if there’s fucking barely any.”

You laughed at the remark, then let him go on. “Even with me. I do shit that make people hate me. I throw punches that I regret and start fights that make me a horrible person in other people’s eyes. But you don’t really think of me like that, no matter how much I mess up. You’re the only person in my life who doesn’t see me as my fuck ups,” Hawk poured his heart out. “But I promise, I would never take advantage of you like him. Just keep living in your little world, alright? Don’t let him ruin that.”

You were left speechless. He had never said something so heartfelt to you and you wanted to cry at how sweet it was. You’ve never really thought about his view of you, but you guess it’s true. Sometimes your blind optimism gets you hurt, but you’re thankful that it helped you find your best friend. Yes, he’s not an angel, but if you listened to what everyone was saying about him, then you two would be strangers.

“I love you Hawk,” was all you said, and you kissed his cheek before cuddling into his side. He returned a kiss into your hair before the both of you drifted off into peaceful sleep.

-

The brightness of the sun woke you up from your dreams, and it took you a minute to adjust your eyes. Memories of yesterday flooded back, but you didn’t really feel sad.

The new day gave you a new perspective. You were grateful that you caught Danny, because if you didn’t, you might’ve never known. It still hurt that he betrayed you; you did love him. But wallowing in sadness would give him too much credit. He was a shit boyfriend and you vowed to cry no more tears over him.

The bed was empty, with no trace of your red haired best friend. In his place was a piece of paper with what you recognized as Hawk’s terrible handwriting.

‘Good morning you terrible snorer. Just kidding you didn’t snore. That loud. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up for school, you looked really tired and I think you should just have the day for yourself. I have karate later so you don’t have to wait for me, but you can stay if you want. There’s more ice cream in the freezer. Love you. -H’

You smiled as you read it, feeling thankful for how caring Hawk was. You were dreading going to school and facing Danny, but you would’ve forced yourself to go anyways. Hawk probably knew that, so he gave you no choice.

The first part of the day you did some therapeutic cleaning, picking up the pizza boxes and trash from last night.

Then you explored around his room, even though you’ve been in it a thousand times. You went through the comics he used to read and you tried playing his video games, but you didn’t know how to turn it on.

You were already bored by the second hour of being alone, so you decided to head to your own house to freshen up.

‘I went home, I’ll see you tomorrow? Thank you for everything, I don’t know what I would do without you. Also I’ll buy you more ice cream lol I finished it’ you typed a text to Hawk as you walked home, smiling to yourself. 

After a relaxing day alone of face masks and dancing to Lizzo, you were prepared to go to school the next day. You really appreciated that Hawk made you stay home; you needed this time to reflect on everything. You don’t need some boy who doesn’t give you the time of day, when you have Hawk.

-

As you got ready to go to school, you felt like a bad bitch, and you looked like one. No one would ever guess that you’ve just been through a breakup. The heartbreak didn’t last long; you just felt like you’ve dropped some unneeded weight.

You got to school, but Hawk wasn’t waiting at the front for you as usual. It was weird, because he never said anything about missing class. You figured he was just running late. 

But when he never showed up to your shared first period class, it made you worry.

‘Hey, did you not go to school today? Everything good?’ you sent him a quick text as you walked through the halls to your next class.

You were feeling anxious, a contrast from your earlier confidence. You didn’t think you’d be alone today and now you really didn’t want to see Danny without Hawk by your side.

But as if you summoned him and the universe hated you, your cheating ex boyfriend was coming from the other end of the hall. Your eyes met at the exact same moment and you wanted to look away, but you couldn’t.

A black eye adorned his face, matched with a bruised jaw and a wounded lip.

His eyes frantically searched around you as if he was looking for someone. He looked scared.

Suddenly, your brain put all of the puzzle pieces together and you came to a realization. Hawk did this, and he wasn’t at school because he probably got suspended.

Danny tried to move past you, but you grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side of the hallway. He didn’t meet your eyes as you stood in front of him.

“Danny... what happened?” you asked, even though you already knew the answer.

You didn’t know how to feel. You know you should be angry that Hawk didn’t listen to you, but you felt no pity towards the boy in front of you.

Danny scoffed. “You know what happened. Your little boyfriend started the fight, saying shit about how I don’t deserve you and I’m a cheating asshole.”

You rolled your eyes. “One, he’s not my boyfriend. Two, he’s right, you don’t deserve me. And three, you are a cheating asshole. You said Emily was just your friend, but I should’ve known. I saw you,” you snapped, but he shook his head and laughed.

“You don’t see it, do you? That you’re just as guilty as me?” Danny sneers.

“What?” you blink in confusion.

“Oh come on Y/N. You were always his. It was him first, and then me. But he was just your “best friend”, right? Don’t act all innocent, when anyone can see that you have feelings for him.”

Your mouth falls open slightly at his words, and he continues, “Look I’m sorry that it went down like this, but you should be with him. We’re just not meant for each other and it’s obvious that you love him more than you’ve ever loved me. And he loves you too. Otherwise I wouldn’t be looking like this. We’re fine, alright? Goodbye Y/N.”

Danny gives you a tight lipped smile before leaving, but you’re left staring into space, speechless. You didn’t expect anything he just told you and you don’t even know if you believe it.

Is he right? Do you love Hawk, like that? You’ve felt like the victim the whole time, but you never would’ve thought that Danny felt like one too.

You began to feel guilty, looking back on the relationship at times when you would leave dates with Danny to pick up Hawk when he’s in trouble. When you would choose to sleepover at Hawk’s house instead of Danny’s because he had a breakdown. And when sometimes you’re a little bit too affectionate with your best friend, but you’ve always excused it as platonic even though his forehead kisses gave you butterflies.

Maybe you really weren’t all that innocent.

Maybe you did love Hawk more than Danny, and maybe you’re only just now realizing it.

-

The pattern of the knocking at your window made your stomach turn.

You’re not sure if you’re ready to face Hawk after your revelation, because after thinking on it for the rest of the day, all signs pointed to him. Every single thing Danny said was right.

You love Hawk.

The only thing you aren’t sure of is how Danny said he loves you too. You’ve always thought that Hawk sees you as a little sister and strictly as a best friend, which is why he’s so protective. The possibility that confessing your feelings could ruin your relationship created a conflict within you.

You opened your window and there he was. He had a gash right above his brow, presumably from Danny, but he didn’t look half as bad as the boy he beat up.

You saw Hawk in a different light as he stood like Romeo before you. It was as if the realization of your feelings for him made his eyes look more beautiful and his lips look softer, and you no longer had to faithfully push those thoughts away.

“Hey,” was all he said, as he stumbled in through the sill into your room. His hair was down again, because he knew you liked it like that and he hoped it would help you not be too mad at him.

“Hi,” you said awkwardly, walking back to sit on your bed where he followed. He sat close to you so that your shoulders were touching, and even though he’s been closer, it made you feel lightheaded.

“Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, I know you said to leave it alone, but he hurt you, and I needed to-”

“I’m not mad,” you interrupted his nervous rambling.

“Oh,” his shoulders relaxed, but his fingers were still nervously tapping on his knees.

There’s a weird silence between you two, and it was out of the ordinary that you didn’t have something to talk about.

“Are you alright?” you finally looked at him for the first time since you both sat down.

You don’t know what compelled you to do it, but you lifted up your hand to lightly trace your fingers along his brow where the cut was. His ocean eyes were on you as you did it, but you felt nervous to meet them.

“I’m fine. Did you see him?” Hawk said in a light tone, smiling as you touched his skin.

You let out a quiet laugh. “Yes. Nice work,” you mused.

You pulled your hand away from his face, but he grabbed it before you could put it down. He moved your hand back to his skin, releasing millions of butterflies in your stomach. “I like it,” he said, and you only nodded.

“So how long are you out for?” you questioned, referring to his suspension.

“Three days,” he mumbled, eyes closing in relaxation as you started touching his hair. You sighed in response. “It was worth it though.”

He still had his eyes shut when you put down your hand and wrapped your arms around him. He blinked in surprise, then held you closer. “Thank you. You’re the only one who would take a punch for me,” you said, pouring gratitude into the embrace.

“I don’t think that’s true, but you’re welcome,” he rested his head in the crook of your shoulder and you felt his hair tickle your ear. “It was for me too, you know? I hated his guts.”

You responded with a hum of understanding, still grasping onto him like he could leave any moment.

He pulled back from you enough to see your face, and he looked concerned while he tried to read you. “What’s wrong?”

You really underestimated how much he knows you, because he sensed your anxiety even though you tried to mask it.

“Nothing’s wrong,” you offered a smile, but he wasn’t convinced.

“Did you talk to him?” he asked, rubbing soft circles on your hand. He knew you were thinking about something and he wanted you to open up, but he was always delicate with it.

You just nodded, feeling your palms getting sweaty. Talking about your conversation with Danny would bring up what he said about you and Hawk, and you weren’t even sure if you wanted to spill your heart yet. You internally cursed at yourself for not hiding your emotions well enough.

“Did he say shit to you? I swear if-”

“No. We just... talked,” you cut him off. You prayed that he would leave the topic, but he didn’t.

“What about?” he pressed, making you feel hot from nerves.

“Uh... I just asked him about what happened,” you answered, but there was no way he couldn’t hear the shake in your voice.

“Then what’s bothering you? You can talk to me Y/N,” he said softly, a worried look in his eyes. You felt bad keeping secrets from him, because that’s something you never did.

“Promise me we’ll always be best friends,” your voice shook, making his face twist up in confusion.

“What? Of course. Hey, nothing could change that alright?” he looked at you with his soft eyes.

You swallowed, feeling a bit better by his reassurance.

“He- He just said some things that made me think about... us. And I was blind to it, but- he’s right. Well he’s right about me, I don’t really know how you feel, but now I’m just so confused- and for some reason him cheating on me felt justified in a way? I-” you rambled anxiously, until Hawk stopped your frenzy of word vomit.

“Woah, woah, slow down Y/N... just... what? What is he right about? And how could that be justified? There’s no excuse for what he did Y/N,” his voice raised at the mere thought of Danny gaslighting you into thinking that somehow you deserved to be cheated on.

“No- I- I know it was shitty but... Hawk,” you took a deep breath to prepare yourself for your confession. “I think I cheated too. But not like him. I- I cheated emotionally,” you spit the words out, not only admitting it to him, but also to yourself.

The red haired boy’s face was blank in confusion as he processed what you had just said. “Y/N what the fuck are you talking about?”

You struggled to reach his eyes while you carefully tried to think through your answer. You felt like if you looked at him you would simply melt, but maybe in this case it would be a good thing.

He put his hand gently under your chin to tilt your face towards his, forcing you to meet his blue, puzzled eyes. You wanted to burst into tears under his gaze, because you had no idea what to do.

Hiding your feelings could ruin your friendship. Confessing has the same chance. So which are you supposed to choose?

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I love you. I love you so fucking much Y/N and that’s forever. Nothing you say or do could change that,” Hawk said, rubbing your hand comfortingly. He thought you were hesitating in telling him because you were afraid of his judgment.

Those three words. They felt different this time. They made you more dizzy. More fluttery. The way he said it was the same as all the other times, but the way it made you feel was just so different.

It gave you such a high that you decided to take a leap of faith before you could fully think it through. A leap that you know deep down was always going to happen, even if it looked like there were two choices. You could regret it, but you just jumped.

“I love you. I mean, I’m in love with you, Eli. I’ve always been in love with you.”

You felt like you needed to run away right as you said it, as if the words were a bomb that you didn’t want to see the aftermath of. You didn’t want to see the outcome because you were afraid it would just leave you devastated.

Eli.

His mouth slightly fell open at the use of his old name, next to your piercing confession.

For some reason it slipped out of your mouth, but it felt right. You’ve probably said it five times ever since “Hawk” was born, but it was only used in serious conversations. Like when you comforted him after his dad died. Or when you were so worried about him when he ran away from home for a week.

“I’m so sorry, Eli,” you said, after hearing the news.

“I missed you so much, Eli, never fucking do that again,” you cried into his shoulder when he showed up at your door.

It was like a code between the two of you that you were being nothing but genuine.

Hawk sat in shock in front of you, and you swore you could actually see the escalation of thoughts running through his head.

“Maybe it took an asshole like Danny to make me realize it, but he was right. I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you... and I knew that, but it’s just how it’s always been. I thought we would go through life together but be with other people, even though I would always put you first. I thought that it was just an us thing, you know? Best friends. But I just- I realized that I don’t even need anyone else. I only need you,” you scanned his eyes for a moment before continuing. “I know I won’t love anyone else like I love you. And- and god, I’m just pouring my heart out and I don’t even know how you feel... I’m sorry if this is too much.”

He stared at you, stunned, and you heard your heart pounding in your chest violently as you waited for him to say something.

But instead of speaking, you felt the softness of his lips on yours before you could think another thought.

a/n: wow i think that was the longest thing i have ever written and i wasn’t sure if i was going to end it like that :0 anyways hope u enjoyed love u all!

[quietmyfearswith]

longing stares ; august walker x fem!reader

status — completed oneshot

word count — 5,515 words

summary — in which august walker made the mistake of hurting the love of his life — thinking he had the upper hand, but in reality it hurts him even more than he cares to admit.

warnings — SMUT, unprotected penetrative sex, oral sex (f receiving), handjob, degradation? angst?? fluff? swear words, august talking down/shit about another boy, window sex

pairing — august walker x fem!reader

summary — in which august walker made the mistake of hurting the love of his life — thinking he had the upper hand, but in reality it hurts him even more than he cares to admit.

a/n — DNI IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, so this was inspired by this post, but i wanted to twist it up a bit to fit the song that inspired me to write,,, so i hope it turned out alright :> feedback is very much appreciated! 

tagging — @cruelfvkingsummer​

masterlist | series masterlist

The pencil that he balanced between his fingers snapped into two as he saw a sleazy employee's frail hands touch her shoulders affectionately. At first the Hammer found it foolish when Sloane told him his personal office would have two-way mirrors for walls; but now he was more than thankful for it as he was sitting down behind his desk because it allowed him to watch the scene unfold without them knowing about his intense stare at them. His piercing gaze would have buried this son of a bitch who dared touch what’s his as she was burying herself with work.

Well, what was his to be more accurate. But his brain couldn’t fully absorb that fact as his fingers were hastily sending a text to Benji that he was sending someone over to his department and to keep the idiot busy for as long as it took. Leaving his phone on the table, he didn’t bother to wait for a reply as he sauntered over to the outside of his office and opened the door as he called out, “Jonathan, Benji needs you in his department. Something about a malfunctioning gadget.” The brunette pointed to himself as he wondered, “Me? My name’s Joshua.”

“In case I haven’t made it clear, I don’t care about your name, John, I just need you to get over down and check out the malfunctioning device — and I’m not talking about your brain.” Y/N gasped out loud at what August said, for it was unusual for him to talk shit about others; she could only watch Joshua as he excused himself to go to the 30th floor where he was being called for.

Once he vanished within her line of sight, she brought her eyes to look at August who had a stern expression on his face, “You, in my office. Now.” As his voice left no room for questions, she stood up from her chair and entered his all too familiar work space. “What the hell was that about, Walker?” Her hands rested on her hips as she raised her voice at him once he came in too after closing the door to give them privacy. “What was what, princess?”

He mimicked her by placing his hands on his hips too; but he didn’t have the combination of a frown and pout that she had, instead there was a smirk on his lips. “You don’t get to call me that,” Even though she loved the way the nickname rolled off his tongue and how it was reserved solely for her, she now hated how it just served as a reminder of their past, “Not anymore, Walker. So cut the shit and answer my question”

Bobbing his Adam's apple up and down, August was cursing with how cold and serious she was being. “I didn’t like the way he was getting too close with you,” There was no reason for him to fabricate a lie so he decided to just tell the truth. “Well that’s rich,” She scoffed as she crossed her arms against her chest and looked at him with disgust, “You decide you don’t want me and yet no one else gets to have at least a chance with me?”

His brain interpreted what she said differently as he slowly moved towards her, speaking dangerously low, “Yes, princess, that’s exactly what it means. No one in this fucking world gets you, because you’re all mine. I don't care if they're a rookie in the CIA or some royalty. They will have to kill me before they get to you.” If it were someone else, they would have shivered in fear once they were backed against a wall by a trained, skilled CIA agent who has planted his hands on the wall by her torso, caging her in. But not Y/N because she knew two things — one, he would never harm her, not in a way she wouldn’t enjoy. And two, she was his weakness. 

“I’m not yours, Walker,” From a venomous tone she shifted to a calmer one which surprised the man as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “You made it extremely clear that night about how what we had doesn’t mean anything to you.”

It was a miracle that August managed to open his apartment door as his focus was on leaving his marks on her neck. “Hated seeing him so close to you,” He growled without his lips leaving her skin as his foot closed the door. Lifting her up over his shoulders made her squeal, more so when he smacked her ass while he effortlessly brought the two of them to his bedroom. Y/N bounced slightly as she was dropped on his comfortable mattress.

Large hands ripped her dress in two and revealed the black lingerie set she had hiding underneath her office clothes. “You trying to kill me, princess?” August husked out as he tore his own dress shirt off before spreading her legs, thumb rubbing against her clothed core, “Princess, you’re staining through the thin cloth.” Sliding the cotton material off of her, he brought it to his nose and smelt her arousal before throwing it off the bed. Every time they ended up in his place, he sneakily hid her underwear so he could jack off to them when they aren't together.

Y/N gasped out as she felt his moustache tickle her skin as his lips left kisses on his ascent to her. A toothy grin was plastered on both their faces. His fingertips graze the under band of her bra, “As much as I love this bra,” August unhooked it and threw on the floor as his lips enveloped her breast as his hand grabbed and played with the other, “I’d rather see your body in all its glory.”

Her hands tangled in his hair as she arched her back, feeding more of her flesh to him. “Fuck bear, more please,” She moaned out loud when his tongue drew circles around her nipple before biting on the pebble. Pulling away from her tit, August smirked at her blissed out state as he undid his pants, sliding it off him as his cock sprung out. “And why were you going commando today, bear?”

Kissing her lips passionately so her smirk would be wiped off, he rubbed the tip of his cock on her slit, “Because I wanted to tease you at work,” Her mewls of need fueled his ego, her hands were clawing at his ass as she was trying to guide his cock in her hole. “What’s the magic word, princess?”

“Please! Please bear, need you so bad,” As soon as she whined out the final word August slid his cock right in her; velvet and warm walls welcomed his cock by gripping onto him tightly that it made him struggle to thrust in or out of her. Her grasp on his ass didn’t take and if anything it made her just dig her nails againdt the skin even harder, which only added to both of their pleasure.

Ruthlessly, August ripped both her hands from his plump ass to lay them above her head, his hands forbidding her to move them around His other hand lifted her leg, resting it on his shoulder, which allowed him to reach even deeper. “You like how deep I can reach in you?” Each word was accompanied by a harsh thrust to every word; her moans brought pride to his chest for they both knew he was the only one who could pleasure her this well. 

“Tell me, princess, tell me how much you like it when I fuck you,” The vein on his neck became even more prominent as he growled at her. Feeling the vibrations of his growl against her lips just made her glaze even more of her juices in his cock; a firm swat on her thigh had her focusing on his command, “You fuck me so good, bear,” She gasped out when his cock poked her sensitive flesh which made her an even more out of focus, “Only you can make me feel this good, bear. Want no one but you.”

Her words paired with the way her walls clamped down on his cock pushed him right over the edge; both of them gasped out when August pulled out of her cunt and let go of her hands. Before getting to question what he was up to, he leaned down until he was face to face with her cunt, quickly inserting his tongue on her pussy.

“Oh fuck, please bear, please rub my clit,” Graciously, his thumb rubbed on her clit as his other hand jerked his cock off while he shook his head side to side, driving his tongue even deeper in her. “Cum for me, princess,” Convulsing upon feeling the tremors of his words on her mound, she could only grab onto his head to grind her closer to her as she relaxed her body as she came.

“There’s my good girl,” He praised her while lapping her juices and drinking it all up. Opening her eyes once she felt herself significantly calmed down, she whimpered upon seeing his cum-covered moustache and red cock that was red and aching to cum. Sitting up, she moved closer to him and wrapped one hand on his balls while the other stroked the length of his cock, “Coat me in your cum, bear. Please, bear?” The innocence her eyes held contradicted the way she spoke and jerked him off sultrily — which made him throw his head back as he spilled his cum on her hands. 

Giving kitten licks on the tip of his cock prolonged his orgasm as he stroked her hair lovingly; once he let out all of his cum, Y/N licked some of the cum that spilled between her fingertips. Smiling widely, she looked up at him and opened her mouth to show how she had drank up all he had to give. Patting her head gently he praised her again, “Such a good girl for me, princess.” He kneeled beside her before taking her in his arms before collapsing beside her, August cuddled her close to him as she moved around to face him. Her finger was tracing over his jawline as they both silently cherished the post orgasmic haze they both were in. He loved being with her this way — loved the way their bodies worked in tandem. But they weren’t just a great pair in bed, Y/N was one of the few capable and intelligent employees Hammer has met. Though he often displayed a tough exterior, he could easily show her as well a vulnerable side of him.

There was an instance wherein she accidentally barged in on his night of wallowing in self-pity with the intention of fucking so she could release tension, she was instead faced with a sorrowful August. That night, she made it clear to him that he didn’t have to open up to him if he was uncomfortable. She just wanted to be there for him, even if they just both drank in silence, just so he wouldn’t be alone with his thoughts.

He did end up letting her in and voicing out what was going on in his mind. Upon taking it all in she made it clear that he wasn’t the villain he made himself out to be. “You are not defined by what you have done,” Concern was laced on her voice that night as she held her face with gentle hands, “You were asked to do so in order to guarantee the safety of the whole damn world. If anything, it’s us who doesn’t deserve you.”

Just as he was about to rebut what she said, Y/N sweetly pecked his lips to shut him up right away, “Never talk shit about yourself, bear. You’re a great person and I would be more than glad to help you realize so.” From then on every time he entered his office there would be a sticky note taped on his desktop screen where she wrote something great about him.

“What are you smiling about?” He wondered as her lingering hand settled on his cheek, rubbing the prickled skin. “Just thinking about you,” Her vague answer just had him even more curious than he already was. It wasn’t unusual for the two of them to be quiet after sex, but there was something about the way she was looking at him and the way her touch seemed gentler, softer.

“What about me?” It was a rhetorical question, he didn’t expect any answer from her. So imagine his surprise when she mindlessly confessed, “I love you, August.” 

Sitting up against the headboard he stared at her with bewilderment evident on his face, “What the fuck did you say?” Clutching the blanket to hide her nudity, Y/N could not help but feel vulnerable and exposed as she sat up to level with him, “You heard me, August, loud and clear. I told you I love you.”

It was like a dagger pierced through her heart as he rolled his eyes and stood up from the bed as he rummaged through his drawers and grabbed a tank top and sweatpants, “I call bullshit on that.” Offense and hurt overcame her entire being as she hastily dressed herself up as well, “And why do you call bullshit on that?”

“Because it’s not real!” He shouted as he turned to face her shocked face; he has never raised his voice to or in front of her. Part of her was terrified — she didn’t know what he would do in a confrontational situation like this. Sensing her startled state, he then spoke in a lower tone, “The love that you feel for me, isn’t real. It’s just in your head, you’re just coming down from your high.”

Enraged she chewed him out, “Why are you invalidating what I feel? I know in myself that I love you!” Shaking his head no, August crossed his arms as he challenged, “We’re just friends! Fuck, we’re just colleagues!”

As soon as the words left his lips he could see the effect it had on her for her tears were threatening to leave her eyes and it caused him to feel as though someone had squeezed his heart roughly. “Do friends do what we do?”

Her weak voice made him feel even more bad than he already was but he still couldn’t stop himself from being an ass, “Friends with benefits do.” She smacked his chest as she yelled out in frustration, “I’m not just talking about the sex, idiot! I’m talking about whether a friend comforts you everytime you feel pity for yourself? Would a friend clean up your bruises and cuts after a hard mission? Or when I make sure you have enough homemade meals, what am I to you then?”

“Nothing,” The way he said it so casually and without a second thought should have scared her; and it did, “It doesn’t mean anything to me. You’re not mine nor are you my girlfriend.” That was the final nail in her coffin — the rude awakening that while she was out here going out of her way to make him feel loved and appreciated but he would never do the same for her, or so she thought.

“Okay then,” She shakily sighed out, “I’ll see myself out.” Bending down to grab her discarded purse but not before saying, “I’m sorry for wasting your time, Walker.” Not bear or August, he called her what everyone else did. It was a painful reminder of something he had lost and not appreciated enough. It was for her own good, he thought, she doesn’t deserve to be with a monster like myself. 

His hands abandoned his position against the wall as he recalled his harsh dismissal of her, “We aren’t together, in any shape or form. You made it very clear that night.” Taking advantage of the gap he created between them as he stepped back from her, she walked away from his office before he had a chance to say anything. Sitting down on his office chair he banged both his fists on the desk, which made all the objects in it jump slightly before coming back down. Deciding that he had enough for the day, he hastily collected his belongings before exiting the office to head home. 

As he got on his motorcycle, he remembered how firm her arms clung around his waist every time she rode with him. She feared falling on the vehicle and despite August’s repeated promises that he wouldn't ever let that happen to her; secretly, he loved it when she pressed her frame firmly against his back. It made him feel loved and appreciated — and that wasn’t the only time or her only way to let him feel so.

Turning off the engine as he parked, he trotted up to his apartment and once the door opened he took in the messy state of it. Ever since her exit, he neglected to take care of it because he wasn’t impressing her anymore. Besides, he fears that once he does organize his flat he just might find more relics of their shared time. 

Quickly showering the day’s dirt, he then laid down on his bed with a hand behind his head as subconsciously — or purposely if his brain decided to torture him as well — his would often replay what happened during these quiet, lonely moments of the night. And without fail, it always gives him the urge to smack himself for breaking her that way. Truth is she was everything he wanted and needed. Upon meeting her, he knew he wanted to change for the better just so he would be deemed worthy enough to be with her. There was something about her being magnificent in her own account that made him feel inferior to her.

It also didn’t help that he had never been in a serious relationship before; he often went for hookups and one night stands since his fear of commitment did not allow him to easily open up to anyone. But with her it was as if it was his instinct to tear down the facade he displayed to the world. “I love her,” He came to that conclusion and it shook him to his core.

Before closing his eyes to enter a state of unconsciousness, he then decided that he would confess what he felt to her, beg for her forgiveness, and ask for a chance to start a relationship with her. “Gonna do whatever it takes,” He promised to himself with a smile before pictures of him with Y/N clouded his dreams. 

The moment he stepped foot on his floor, he noticed how Y/N wasn’t in her cubicle. Maybe I’ll talk to her after work, he thought to himself as he entered his office and busied himself with work.

Y/N knew it was an atrocious idea — one that could backfire in her face — but something about yesterday’s encounter with August fueled her to do so. It was nearing four in the afternoon when Joshua stopped by her cubicle to ask her once again if she wanted to hang out with him; in all fairness, he was a nice guy. But once you’ve had a taste of gold in your life, you would never settle for a nickel.

“So Y/N, I was wondering maybe we could grab dinner after this? I know this great restaurant that just opened a couple blocks from here,” The brunette nervously suggested as he leaned against her post. Not sure if August was seeing the whole exchange, she decided to stand beside him as she trailed her hand to his forearm as she sweetly smiled at him, “Yeah? What do they serve?”

Cue Joshua nervously rambling about the menu and ambiance of the restaurant as a Hammer prepared to nail down his mark on his woman. The moment he saw the sleazy boy once again drop by her cubicle, he was closely monitoring the situation and was more than displeased to observe how his woman flirted back at him. The fucking audacity you have, princess, He thought as he sauntered over there.

Gasps were emitted from both Y/N and Joshua when August stormed in to interrupt their discussion— pushing the brunette away as he pulled Y/N in for a searing kiss, ending their conversation. With his hands pressed against her cheeks, he poked his tongue on her lips as he demanded she let him in; and he could not help but smirk when she rested her hands on his arms, not pushing him away and instead feeling more of him, while she parted her lips to welcome his tongue without hesitance. 

Pulling away from their kiss, August placed a few more pecks on her lips before placing an arm on her lower back before arrogantly turning to Joshua, “Sorry pal, I don’t think the memo has reached you, so I’ll just make it crystal clear for you — Y/N is my woman so you better steer clear from here unless you want an excuse to use your health insurance.”

Nervous gulping down and walking away from her cubicle was how Joshua rescinded to the situation; while August led Y/N into his personal office despite the gasps and stares of the other employees. Right now, he didn’t give a damn about their gossiped hunches for his princess tested his patience.

““What the hell was that about, princess?” He angrily asked as he turned to her with a stern expression as he rested a hand on his hip. Opposite him was a smirking woman who threw him the same answer she was given when they talked, “What was what, Walker?”

Realizing how the tables have turned, he exhaled through his nose in order to remain calm before huskily explaining how he saw things, “What were you thinking when you grazed his arm,” To emphasize, he ran a hand in her forearm to reenact how she sensually touched the other boy, “But you know what I find the most interesting? Was the way you eagerly kissed me back; do you know what that was all about?”

His breath touched her cheek having walked up right in front of her; this distracted her for a bit as her brain scrambled to formulate an explanation for her actions. “Well?” August lifted a brow as he slightly moved his head, prompting her to answer the question.

“I don’t know what that was, bear.” Despite her timid answer, he heard it loud and clear. But what really pleased him was the fact that she didn’t use his name rather she used the nickname she graced him that one time Y/N poked fun about how hairy he was since he refuses to shave his chest hair and moustache.

“So you had no idea as to why you touched him like that when you know for a fact that you belong to me,” He clarified to her as he tilted her chin up with the other hand that wasn’t resting on his hip to get her to look at him. 

“How many times do I have to make it clear to you that I do not fucking belong to you; that is what you said to me, right?” Her bold facade quickly disappeared as he grabbed her arms, walking towards the window. Making her turn to face the window, he pressed her cheek against the glass window, “Well I’m gonna fucking remind you that you belong to me and only me.”

Rough fingertips lifted her skirt, leaving the velvet bunched up around her waist, and ripped her panties to shove it in her mouth, “Don’t need you speaking if all that’s gonna leave your dumb mouth is you don’t belong to me. You’re not gonna speak unless you state my claim on you.”

A muffled whine was all she could let out as she nodded when her pussy welcomed two of his thick fingers that were ruthlessly slamming in and out of her. His other hand creeped towards her clit as he alternated between rubbing and pinching on the hardened nub. “Can you feel your cunt dripping? This is how your body reacts to me because you want me so bad.”

With the hand that was previously on her nub, he tore her blouse open and fondled a breast, “Such a naughty princess, not wearing any bra,” Pulling on her nipple elicited a prolonged moaned as she rested her forehead against the window, “Were you planning this the whole time?”

The answer she let out was obscure with her mind fuzzy from the way his fingers were hammering in and out of her mercilessly while he helped her remain on her feet by having a firm hold on her boob. “You’re still the needy princess I know you are.”

August smirked at how she let out a pathetic moan when he pulled his fingers out of her for it proved he was right. Palms resting against the cold glass, she turned her head around and watched as he lowered his zipper to pull his cock out. “Do you even deserve to have my cock?”

Nodding her head and up down was all the response she could give him as he continued to degrade her, “I don’t think you do,” To amp up his teasing, he rubbed the tip of his cock from her clit down to her opening multiple times; causing her legs to shake in need as she moved her hips towards his tip. “You’ve lost your princess privileges the moment you talked to him,” He whispered, lips pressing against the shell of her ear.

One of her hands left the crisp window and instead sought out for the warm hand that was in her boob, clawing onto him desperately to let him know how badly she still wanted him in any way she could have him. The sting of her nails made him smile wickedly as he took pity on her and slid his whole length in one go, “That make you happy, princess?”

The side of her head leaned against the window but she still managed to nod as she was extremely thrilled for having him inside her. Blindly, her other hand left the window as she searched for his vacant hand and collapsed them together. Even though her eyes were closed as she was blissed out with the way he was pounding in and out her hole without a care; August however felt touched that there was this part of her instinctively reached out to hold his hand affectionately.

He guided their entangled hands down to her stomach so he could press her back firmly against his front, “Never forget that you belong to me, princess.” It was in that moment that his wide tip grazed her g spot so she could only mewl and nod weakly as her overwhelming gratification blocked out her senses. 

Coughing up a bit once he pulled her panties out of her mouth, her shoulders then bore the weight of his arm, “Tell me you’re all mine, princess!” He demanded as barked it out on her before biting the shell.

“I’m all yours, bear!” She gasped out when he repeatedly hit her g spot every time his cock entered her. Her velvet walls were now making it harder for the Hammer to nail her for it clung to him like glue to the point that it was almost choking his cock, almost triggering an early orgasm from him. Wanting to focus on something else, his mouth peppered kisses on the skin of her shoulders and neck with the full intention of leaving dark, purple bruises so people knew she was off limits.

Y/N never felt this simulated in all the times she slept with August; the way his cock rummaged her hole with vigour and determination made her buckle her knees, the feel of his rough facial hair prompted her to push her neck more to his lips while her feeling his hand firmly against hers made her feel loved. In the haste of a moment, she let out a confession of, “Missed you so much, bear.”

Feeling his heartbeat increase at her confession, he snapped his hips faster to drive his cock even harder to her, in tune with the way his heart beat against his chest, “Really though you didn’t want me anymore.” He couldn’t take the way she sounded so broken — what made it worse was that he made her feel this way, and he vowed to himself that he wouldn’t cause her to feel that way again.

“I’m so sorry, princess,” Hearing him apologize, she turned her to face him again and was surprised when he kissed her lips softly — in contrast with how he was driving her cock in and out of her roughly — before letting his lips rest against hers as he continued to speak, “Never gonna let you go, never gonna hurt you.”

“You promise, bear?” Her small voice made her seem even more vulnerable than she already was; meanwhile August nodded fiercely as he kissed her once again. “I promise, princess,” That promise left his lips repeatedly against her lips.

Unvolutaringly clenching her walls on his cock, she moaned out loud against his prickly lips, “I’m so close, bear. Please let me cum.” And that reminded him how he was in charge and still has to decide if she gets to cum. 

“I think I can grant you one princes privilege, what do you think?” His smirk widened upon seeing her pleading eyes looked at him and moaned in agreement. Still holding onto her hand with one of his own, the other went to graze her cheek as he coaxed her, “Cum for me, princess; let me feel how much you missed me.”

He then drove his cock deep in her to the point he repeatedly bumped her g spot which set her orgasm off — she screamed out loud as her hand squeezed his hand so tight yet it didn’t have any effect on him. Loving the way her walls immediately relaxed their grip on his cock, he took advantage of it by chasing his own orgasm.

“Take my cum, princess,” He breathed out and felt his thrusts decrease their pace while they still had the same vigour. Stilling as he shot loads of his sperm, he pressed her against him needing her to ground him back. With a kiss on the side of her temple he let out, “I love you so much, princess.”

Despite her brain being a fumbling mess, she caught on what he said and pushed herself off his cock and turned to look at him, “What?”  Her fingers were busy lowering her skirt and trying to make her blouse look presentable as it could be while August tucked his meat back in his pants so he could hold both her hands.

“I love you,” He reiterated before taking a deep breath, “I love you and it scared me to find out how strongly I felt for you — because this was something I have never felt for anyone.” A breathless gasp was all she could let out upon being presented with this information.

Sensing her confusion, August placed a kiss on the back of both her palms before speaking once more, “I know this is a lot to take in, but maybe we can take it one step at a time? We go out on actual dates so you can also let me prove to you how much you mean to me.”

Her eyes were searching for any indication in his that he was just pulling her leg, “I know I haven’t shown you exactly what you mean to me — and that is due to my stupidity and immaturity — but if you let me, I will treat you like the sublime and divine being that you are. Spending those days without you made me realize the vital role you fulfilled in my existence.”

Her lips broke into a smile as her heart fluttered at what he said; Y/N lunged to him, wrapping his arms around her neck as she kissed his lips passionately. The Hammer was more than happy to reciprocate the passion she had for the kiss as he wrapped his thick arms around the middle of her back. 

“Does this mean you’ll take me back?” It was shocking how soft the tone of his voice was when he asked this to her as they pulled away from the kiss. Bopping his nose with a finger, she smiled at him before nodding, “It means exactly that, bear. I love you and you have me now. Officially, that is.”

Loving the sound of that, he pecked her lips once again and pulled away with the widest grin his lips had ever made, “I love you more, princess. You always were officially mine, you just didn’t know it yet.”

[planetdemon]

I just wanted to be a swan

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, but mostly angst

warnings: low self-esteem, body hate/dislike, eating disorders, swearing, food, insecurities, arguing DONT READ IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT!

wc: 2.003

note: so this scenario has been going through my head for quite a while now, and I tried writing it by myself lol. Hope it's good ;) I've also sent a request to @channienet about the same topic, so make sure to check her interpretation out as well! enjoy!

summary: Due to Chan's heavy working schedule, spending time alone was a thing you couldn't quite befriend with, especially after you've noticed some changes you have gone through. There is a to change it, but it isn't quite... let's say healthy. How will Chan react, after he finds out? Will he even care? (dude I'm shit at writing summary lol)

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Taking a bath was normally something that should be considered relaxing or calming. You've always enjoyed letting the hot water surround your body whilst taking all the dirt and negativity off that you have collected during stressful days at work.

But lately, taking a bath wasn't as enjoyable anymore as it once was. Chris has been working a lot lately, due to the kingdom stage and their nearing comeback. He has been spending more and more time at the company, working on producing new tracks for him and the kids, often staying at the dorms because they were closer to the studio than the apartment you shared. So you were left alone, by yourself.

Even though you wished he would be by your side while you were falling asleep, you couldn't be mad at him. You knew what his work meant to that boy and you would never tell him to stop doing what he loves just so you could spend some time together.

But being alone also meant that you had to kill the boredom somehow and, thanks to Felix's Brownie and Cookie recipes, you had the perfect thing to do in the meantime. Baking and eating delicious desserts.

You were just stepping out of the bathtub, grabbing the towel you had prepared, and drying yourself with it. Once your body was half-dried, you turned around to hang the towel back at the hanger, so it could dry properly.

And at that moment, you knew, you've fucked up. You couldn't avoid looking at your wet, naked body in the hot, steamy mirror near the hangers.

You always hated looking at it, but thanks to the sweets you had been eating lately, looking at yourself only made you feel sicker than it ever did.

You couldn't tear your gaze off the excess of flesh around your tummy and thighs and the stretch marks, that decored your boobs only seemed to scream "Look at me!". You slowly turned around and saw the tiger stripes creeping up your bum and the undersides of your arms.

'Fucking disgusting', that little voice in your head sneered.

'How could I let this come this far?', you thought. At this point, you were somehow happy Chris wasn't here, knowing he would be disgusted with how you've changed.

You've always felt a bit insecure by his side, knowing you could catch up with neither his attractiveness nor his muscular godlike body. But seeing yourself like this destroyed every little self-esteem you had left in your cells.

-

It has been nearly two months since 'the incident' in the bathroom and you couldn't shake that feeling of disgusts off. Not even for one second.

You only wanted to try a one-week detox diet that was blowing up all over social media, hoping you could lose a little bit of weight, so you would be back to normal. But seeing the numbers on the scale dropping so unbelievably quickly only made you realize that you could look even better than you thought you could.

You kept on following the diet and restricting everything that wasn't included, not noticing that restricting also damaged your mind.

One time, Han and Felix asked you if you wanted to have lunch with them and the others, but fear crept up you back as soon as you thought about the food they would have ordered, knowing that you would only gain weight again if you didn't follow the rules.

So you stayed home, keeping yourself isolated from your friends and most importantly, Chan.

You were lying on my bed, scrolling through Tumblr when Chris' Caller ID showed up and your phone started to ring. You sighed lowly, not wanting to talk to him.

Over the past few months, you stopped showing up at the studio, being afraid the boys would notice the changes your body went through, thanks to the diet. You were happy about it, knowing that you were losing weight, but you haven't reached my goal. You were afraid, they would judge you the way you did when you looked at yourself.

"Chris?"

"y/n? Han just told me that you weren't coming over. Are you okay? Y-" Chris's muffled voice appeared and you felt instant regret deep in your guts, knowing how much fun you guys had when you spent time together back in the days.

"Yeah, I'm okay Channie, don't worry. I just feel a little sleepy. I'll come next time. Promise" You tried your best to sound optimistic or at least not too sad, hoping Chris would believe your lie. "Okay," he mumbled, "I love you, baby girl".

-

You knew you were in big troubled the second Chris opened the fridge, seeing no food in there.

He randomly decided to stay over the weekend, saying that he missed you. You weren't ready for this, knowing that you couldn't hide the signs of the 'passion' you had developed in time.

"Why is there no food?" You fumbled with the arms of Chris sweater you were wearing while looking at the ground. "I've forgotten to go grocery shopping" You answered.

"But there is nothing in there, y/n. Nothing" He walked over and took hold of your cold hands while looking you straight in the eyes.

"Why is there no food?" Chris asked again.

"I just told you I forgot to go grocery shopping, Chan. Relax" You snapped back, getting anxious about the fact that he could notice something.

You were nearing your goal, even though you knew that you could never be satisfied with how you looked. He couldn't just come over and ruin all the progress you've made after being not here for so long. He doesn't have the right to do this.

"Don't fuck around, y/n. You always have at least some butter in your house. Where is the butter? Where is Ramen? You must have some food here!"

Your body started to shake as you heard his voice rise, keeping your gaze low, not daring to look him in the eyes right now. He was right.

You always had something at home, so you could quickly cook something when you were hungry. But you didn't saw a point in keeping food at home if you wouldn't eat it anyway. It would just rot.

"Y/n look at me" he whispered, after realizing that you were trembling. Chris gently grabbed your chin to make you look up at him. You were expecting to see anger, but the only thing you saw in his brown orbs was sadness.

You started to tear up after you noticed it, knowing that he put one and one together. You missing out on lunch with the boys, you not showing up at the studio to bring him food and spend with him there, listening to his tracks, you not having any food at home. It was obvious, but you still hoped he wouldn't notice.

Chris slowly took you in his arms, noticing how your figure felt smaller and bonier than before. It made him sick, knowing what you did to yourself. 'Why would my girl do something like this?' he thought 'how could my little princess torture herself this much?' But he couldn't find a 'because'.

In his eyes, you were the best thing that happened to him. You were the prettiest girl on earth. Warm tears were running down his pale cheeks, dropping to the floor.

He couldn't stop blaming himself for what you did. Maybe if he would have been there, he could have stopped you. Maybe if-

"Channie?" You quietly asked, looking up at his tear-stained cheeks. "Channie why are you crying? We can go to the store and grab something if you want. You don't-"

"Why have you been doing this to yourself, y/n?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why haven't you been eating"

Well, shit.

"What are you talking about, Channie?"

"Don't fucking lie to me, it's too obvious for you to do so. Why haven't you been eating?"

"I... I, I'm pressured Chan" You answered, knowing that he wouldn't believe you if you would tell him otherwise. Telling him the truth was the only option at this point, even though you didn't want to.

"Pressured?"

"Yes"

"Princess, I don't understand what you mean by that"

You shook your head and let go of him, before walking over to the couch and sitting down with a low sigh. "Maybe you shouldn't understand," I said.

"Jesus, y/n" I heard him mutter under his breath. He walked over and sat on the floor, in front of you, looking at you with a scared expression.

"Please tell me what's in that pretty little head of yours. I can see that you have lost weight, but I don't understand why. I mean, you are the prettiest human I have ever seen in my whole life, why would you do something like that?"

"Why do you even care? It's not like you here anyway" you simply said, grabbing your phone, trying to ignore him.

After he noticed your intentions, he quickly took your phone out of your hands, placing it on the coffee table behind him.

"Hey! Give me my phone back, you dump a-"

"Fucking stop it, y/n. Stop ignoring me. I care for you because I love you! You are my everything and I know I haven't been home lately, but at least I tried making time for you and inviting you to the studio", he said, "but you never came! Don't act like it's only my fault we haven't seen each other."

You looked at him with wide eyes, shaking your head. He was right, it was also your fault. And you hated the fact that he was right. "I-"

"Please y/n, please stop turning away from me and closing up. I-I know it's not easy to open up, but I'm here for you. I'll always be."

"Well, I... I couldn't, no, I can't feel happy when I look like this, Channie. I mean, look at you, look at your perfect body and your perfect personality and your perfect everything! I don't fit in. I don't fit in, because I am the ugly duck surrounded by beautiful swans. I just... wanted to be a beautiful swan, Channie."

That's it. You've made it. You've told him what was going through your mind all the time.

He slowly pulled you off the couch, into his lap. He could feel your seat humps against his thighs, how bony and strong they were. Chris shook his head in disbelieve, another wave of sadness crushing over him.

"You are perfect, baby girl. You are perfect in every single way. You always were the most beautiful swan I have ever seen in my entire life. I love everything about you, y/n. I love how your thighs wiggle whenever you run towards me when we meet, I love how curves look in that dress I brought you a year ago, I love how your stretch marks are decorating your body like silverish paint. I don't want you to change for me, because you are perfect the way you are. Jesus, even Hyunjin said you are even prettier than himself, and that means a lot. Please don't hurt yourself like this, princess. You are destroying yourself"

He took hold of your hands and kissed your palm.

"I promise I'll stop working so much, so I can spend more time with my beautiful girlfriend, but please... stop hurting yourself" he whispered, searching for any signs of discomfort in your eyes. But you just set in his lap and listened to him.

"Hyunjin thinks I'm prettier than him?" you asked awkwardly.

Chris chuckled and nodded "Is this the only thing that got stuck in your pretty little head?" He asked.

You smiled a bit, leaning your forehead against his while closing your eyes. "I'll try to get better, Chris" you whispered.

It wouldn't be an easy journey going back to 'normal. Once the hole is there, digging is difficult. But it is possible, especially if someones helping you.

[ayamturd]

nothing│tommyinnit

summary: despite being decades apart, tommy and y/n are connect by a shared phone line; emotions stir and hope is cut. 

warnings: angst, nothing but angst imsorry

pairing: (requested) time!au (?) w/ tommy

a/n: please, huge credit and recognition to astr0nomika for her story “Flowers from 1970.” it’s so beautiful y’all, i recommend for all those that need a raw, heartbreaking story

as a side note, this is only an interpretation of the ending since i wouldn’t want to completely copy or follow astr0nomika’s original story

wc: (1.0k) - m.list

“Hey you.”

You gripped the phone tightly, desperately trying to ground yourself once hearing it ring. It was silent on the other end, and while you tried to fill the void with a greeting, you could barely hear him breathe. 

Glancing around the room and letting out a shaky breath, you closed your eyes to how vulnerable you felt. It had been days since you last heard from him, yet even then, you still were at a loss for what words to say.

“It’s been a while since you called, I missed hearing your voice.”

There was an inhale, and then a sigh. You unconsciously leaned closer once knowing he was actually there, actually present in the moment with you despite being decades some time before. 

“Tommy?”

He cleared his throat before answering.

“Hey y/n, it’s been a bit, yeah.” You closed your eyes at the sound of his voice, while low and slightly muffled through the line, it brought a sense of calm over you. 

In spite of the calm, you picked up on his sad tone, almost as if he seemed regretful or lost when talking. You bit your lip with anticipation and furrowed brows in concern. 

“Why do you sound upset? What happened, are you okay?” Tommy briefly wheezed as you rushed out your words. He found your worry endearing and gave a shake of his head in how much you cared for him. Dropping his eyes towards the ground, he attempted to reassure you. 

“No no, I’m alright. I’m great. I just… I missed hearing you too.” With a shy smile, you pulled the old telephone cord absentmindedly with your finger from his response. 

“Well I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere any time soon.”

There was a slight pause. Tommy audibly sucked in a breath, confusing you further to if he was truly okay. He was holding something back, you realized, and he was trying not to tell you. 

“What is it?” 

Tommy was reluctant, but from the serious drop your tone, he knew better than to lie. Bracing himself from his next course of action, he whispered gently to you, “I’m sorry, y/n.”

You froze, more confused but scared to his meaning. You felt stiff as you tried to clear the air and understand what he could possibly be apologizing for. 

“Tommy?” Your voice wavered in question, and you stared jarringly at the wall as if he could see your gaze. 

“Do you like me?” His question was so fast that you almost missed it; unfortunately, you didn’t. Your voice hitched, feeling exposed to the connotations. As you spoke to clarify, Tommy lost patience and interrupted you. 

“What are yo-”

“Do you like me, y/n? Like, like me more than a friend?”

At a loss for words, you nodded. You had barely accepted the fact for yourself, the situation of your current relationship with him already impossible to understand. You nodded, as if to officially allow the truth to settle before voicing them aloud.

“I do,” you whispered hesitantly, “I really do, yes.” 

You waited for his response, anxious from the weight of the words as it finally escaped you after so many months of communicating with him. As the silence continued to grow, however, you opened your mouth to speak, becoming accepting to the fact that he didn’t return the same feelings, when he cut you off again. 

“I’m sorry, but I- we can’t talk anymore.”

Panicked from his finality, you tried to fight with him hopelessly. Even if it wasn’t possible, you didn’t want to lose him entirely over something as trivial as your emotions. 

“No, wait please! I promise it’s nothing serious,” you expressed quickly. Tommy began to reason with you, driving you further to explain yourself. 

“Tommy, it’s nothing, it’s nothing if it means I loose you. Please.”

“It’s not nothing, y/n. You can’t tell me otherwise now.” You whimpered, hating the fact that he was right, and that you’ve never regretted anything as much as your admittance. 

“It’s nothing, Tommy,” you repeated, the dejection present in your voice, yet firm in argument. “It doesn’t mean anything, it’s never has and never will if you-”

Tommy practically growled from your defense before snapping. 

“It is when I like you back!” Tommy yelled. His outburst shocked you, and you barely grasped the meaning behind his words from the volume he screamed. He panted from shouting, the buildup of his own truth coming out and terrifying him further. 

“I like you too, y/n. More than a friend.”

While one would think you would feel elated to your returned feelings, there was something in the way he yelled, the way he carried his tone regarding the conversation. You blinked harshly to the burn of your tears, scared of what was to supposedly come. 

“Please don’t do this,” you rasped out, stepping forward in fear. You clenched you eyes shut, and used both of your hands to hold the phone closer, if humanly capable. 

“Take care of yourself, please.”

“Tomm-”

The dead line cut you off, your throat dry from the implications it brought. 

“Tommy?” you croaked out, waiting for his voice to come through again. 

It didn’t.

You were still in shock as the broken line continued to ring, its loud, dragging sound echoing around you. Eyes wide, you couldn’t even process the facts clearly enough to fully cry. You pulled the phone handle from your ear, and slowly, placed it back in its rotary hold. 

With a beating heart that pounded in your ears, you slowly sunk to your knees at the realization you were alone. You were alone, and held yourself at the fact that he never could. 

Unbeknownst to you, in the very same room, in the very same spot, a broken heart cried at the realization himself of what he had done years prior before. Scissors in hand, Tommy chucked the metal things across the room, eyes blurred from tears as he began leaning against the nearest wall and holding the cut phone close to his heart. 

“I’m so sorry, y/n” he cried out, his face held tight in anger from his own actions at the reality he forced you both to meet. 

“It was never meant to be.”

[sixeyesgojo]

Pictures of You

Summary: prequel to I’ll Be Your Enemy - fluffy!

Characters: IBYE!Reader, Gojo, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara

Word count: 2,3k

Content warning: none

A/N: requested by @thecaptainsbride

If anybody got the reference Gojo made when he was late; congratulations, you have been successfully hurt (but this time it was not me).

Since I left the relationship between Gojo and the reader up for interpretation in IBYE, I will do the same here! Consider this piece me trying to mend your hearts <3

Taglist applications open for anyone who is interested!

“A trip to an amusement park or something like that doesn’t sound so bad,” you mused in front of Satoru. “It serves as relaxation and maybe the first-years can get closer to each other, you know, bonding and so on. They will see each other many times from now on, so getting along with each other is important,” you reasoned, your eyes almost sparkling from the thought of a day off.

“But Jujutsu Sorcery is an individual–” he began.

“Satoru, I think you should see this as vacation. A vacation where you can eat sweets until your teeth rot and absolutely nobody will hold you back,” you interrupted him.

“Okay, I am sold. Am listening now.” You just knew how to convince him. Sweets.

So that was exactly how the first-year students and you ended up at a fairground somewhere in Tokyo; it was quite neat, not too small but not too spacious either. None of you could get lost in it. Still, it was buzzing with life and all kinds of people mingled. The colorfulness was a refreshing sight to take in, compared to the dark world of Jujutsu Sorcery where seeing people suffer was your daily routine. The pleasant smell of food wafted through the air, making your mouth water, as you walked past the different booths with them. Waffles sounded like absolute heaven on earth right now.

Jujutsu Sorcery certainly was a draining sport, mentally as well as physically. Therefore it was only right to take a break at times, right? Self-care days were just as important as working.

In order to wind down a bit, you had suggested a one-day trip – just you, Satoru and the three first-year students you had adopted in your mind right away after meeting them several times.

“Sensei, you look very pretty today!” Yuji complimented you. Even Megumi noticed: “Did you have a haircut? Your hair seems a little bit shorter.”

“Yeah, Nobara had a field day with me. Cutting my hair.. or more like trimming the ends, choosing my outfit, doing my make-up and so on just for today,” you gushed as if you were a high school girl again. “Leave it to master stylist Kugisaki Nobara and nobody will ever look bad,” the brunette girl commended herself. Yuji was affectionately patting her on the back.

Undoubtedly, Satoru was late – nobody was surprised about that. You already went ahead and generously treated the trio of students you loved dearly to some food.

“Thank you for the food, sensei!” As usual, Yuji and Nobara were in perfect harmony with each other, seemingly sharing a brain.

“Thank you very much,” Megumi also expressed his thanks sweetly. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought the way his lips seemed to twitch was unintentional. “Absolutely no problem, kiddos. You guys enjoy it while I try to contact Gojo-sensei, yeah?” you shot them an apologetic smile, already fishing out your phone. The three of them nodded in perfect synchronization. They’re as cute as little ducklings, you thought.

You didn’t even need to bother calling.

You were about to dial Satoru’s number on your smartphone when Yuji’s voice boomed, “Oh! There he is! Gojo-sensei, we are here!!”

The boy waved at his teacher.

Satoru immediately spotted the pink-haired student and skipped over to where you all were standing. “Sorry for the wait! I’m afraid I got lost on the path of life!!”

“Nice of you to finally join us, but sadly, the fun is already over and we decided to go home. Just wanted to call you to let you know! We’ve been here since morning,” you deadpanned as the white-haired man arrived, looking Satoru dead in the eye – if they weren’t covered. “Wait, wha– Hold on, I am very sure I am not that late. MY MOCHI?” Satoru sounded frantic, facing his students who just shrugged their shoulders. “Serves you right,” Megumi stated calmly. Nobara, being the sassy girl she was, also joined in, “Losers don’t get to have fun and that’s a fact.”

It was such a wholesome and funny moment for you to see the students playing along with your prank without being told beforehand.

You broke out in laughter, not being able to contain it any longer, “You should have seen your face, dumbass! I was just joking!”

“Phew, I almost thought I had to kiss the idea of eating sweets today goodbye. What a horror that would be, my day would be OVER this instant,” the blindfolded man pouted, “so where should I buy my sweets? I’m gonna buy the entire place anyway, but where do I start? Any suggestions for Great Teacher Gojo?”

“Hold up, Satoru! We gotta take a picture together to commemorate this special day!” you suggested, bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. “I swear I just saw sensei’s eyes sparkle but I might be wrong,” Yuji remarked, looking at his dark-haired friend for confirmation.

“Sensei, if you want to take a picture, we have to take it at the right angle!” Nobara chimed in, the secret Instagram influencer in her on full display. She continued to explain, “It would come out great if Gojo-sensei took the pic, long arms privilege and so on.”

The female student almost seemed more into it than you were, it was adorable to you to see the usually bold student be this into taking pictures.

You hand the tall man your phone, but not without shooting him a “if you drop my phone, I’ll make you drop dead” look.

“Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation,” the male teacher commanded loudly. Upon hearing that, Megumi immediately slapped his hand in his face and turned away in embarrassment. Why was this man like this?

“...Ladies?” Yuji asked, the expression on his face screaming ‘confusion’ “Gojo-sensei just referenced a Beyoncé song, Itadori,” the dark-haired boy explained in a hushed tone, turning back slightly as if he did not want to get caught.

“And it’s not just any song!” Satoru happily chimed in. “Yes, yes, the good old Formation,” you added, nodding in satisfaction. You remember how you showed him the album when it dropped.

“Can we all just ignore Gojo-sensei and take our pic?” Nobara inquired as she shoved everybody into their respective spots. “Alright, everybody, smiiiiile for the camera. Say cheese!”

Click, click, click, click.

Finally, Satoru had gotten his share of sweets. Complying with his sweet tooth was always an effective way to calm him for some time. Almost like feeding a baby, in a way.

Now it was time for fun rides!

...or at least that was what you thought… until Satoru dragged you along to ride a freaking pendulum ride with him. The three students had managed to talk themselves out of stepping foot on that monster of a ride but Satoru didn’t even give you a chance to refuse, he simply gripped your arm and walked towards it.

Stopping only when you were already standing in line, you nervously eyed the metallic behemoth with its iron arm. The monstrosity was seemingly ready to make you throw up from the way it would spin you through the air repeatedly, going back and forth and back and forth again. Why did you have to do this?

“Satoru,” you called his name timidly and tugged at his sleeve, the strange feeling not leaving your gut, “do I really, really have to do this?”

“Absolutely! I promise it will be very fun,” Satoru replied with a signature grin you wanted to wipe off of his face at that moment.

No, it was not fun. At all. You were dizzy and your fear of height was kicking. The blasts of air hitting your face left, right and center were not helping at all and you were sure, if anybody took a picture of you right now, you would look horribly green.

“I– can’t do this anymore!” you shouted mid-air, right before the ride swung to the other side. The force knocked the air out of you once again.

“SATORU, PLEASE GET US OUT OF HERE!” you begged and squeezed his arm with an iron grip. The height was too overwhelming. “Mid-ride?” Satoru asked and you nodded frantically. “Now that’s what I call reckless! Sounds like fun. I’m in!” he declared with a grin.

“Domain Expansion: Infinite Void.”

That was the last thing you heard the tall man say before he touched your head with his large palm.

Your eyes widened in horror as you realized this man used his domain this recklessly, for fun. Maybe it was a side effect of being able to use it multiple times a day.

The infinity gently wrapped itself around Satoru and you. Almost movie-like, you watched as the entire, vast universe beautifully unfolded in front of your eyes. Each star being created separately, then abruptly flashing by as a sea of stars – as if you were in a wormhole. You perceived the entire domain within a flash of a moment, yet tasted eternity in it. Everything but nothing at once.

Despite being touched by Satoru himself, the sensations weren’t without merit. If this was how it felt to be in the safe space of Satoru’s touch within his inner world of Limitless, you would rather not fathom how it felt to be the one hit by this powerful domain.

It took you some time to process things and recollect.

“When I said I wanted you to get the two of us out of that thing, I didn’t mean ‘send me to your domain’,” you scolded him.

“Well, it was convenient,” he defended himself and you could almost hear the grin on his face, “Bet you’ll hate me after this though.”

“Hating you was never really an option I’d ever consider but okay, we’ll run with it this time. Now undo your domain, please, while I am asking nicely.”

“Your wish is my command! This time at least.”

“Satoru.” A stern last warning fell from your lips.

“Yes, yes, boss. On it.”

“I thought you said it’ll be fun but I am absolutely not riding that thing ever again,” you took deep breaths to calm down as your feet securely touched the ground again. Your legs were still trembling a bit.

“And it was fun! At least for me! I like seeing you struggle – it’s so funny – and the way you clung to my arm? Adorable! You are so tiny compared to me, like a bug I could crush between my fingers!” The annoying sorcerer laughed merrily.

“Gojo fucking Satoru, the only thing that is about to be crushed here are your balls. With my leg. You are very lucky to have that damn Infinity of yours or else,” you threatened.

“Ouch, you really do know how to hurt an invincible man,” he snickered and flicked your forehead lightly.

Rejoining with the students was easy as they all saw the barrier Satoru’s domain created.

“You are lucky there was some kind of show going on down here. That barrier above would have freaked people out if they weren’t distracted,” Nobara said, looks shooting daggers at her weird teacher. Innocent and as nice as ever, Yuji pitched in as well: “Yeah, Fushiguro also tried to distract children with their wandering eyes! I think he did a good job.”

“Okay but what did he do though?” you asked curiously and looked at the boy in question.

“...Shadow puppets,” Megumi slowly admitted, looking anywhere but at the people in front of him.

“Oh? You love your foster-dad-turned-great-teacher this much to embarrass yourself out in public? That’s new!” Satoru teased the poor boy. “Someone has to be the voice of reason around here or you’d all be in jail. That includes preventing civilians who are able to see curses from seeing you use Jujutsu while floating mid-air,” he justified, ignoring the tall teacher’s mockery completely. 

“As much as I love slandering Gojo-sensei, I’d rather spend my day actually having fun,” Nobara pitched in, reminding everybody of why you were here in the first place.

“So, let’s go ride the ferris wheel!” she added excitedly.

More fun rides.

Before you knew it, the day passed by. You could already feel the heaviness in your legs from walking. The swirling feeling from all the rides boded in your chest – you probably would not be able to sleep well tonight. It was definitely worth it though, you thought.

You had already brought the students back to their dorm – Satoru had ran off to the school because he remembered he had to do something – and were on the way home yourself.

You were in some sort of trance, completely immersed in your phone, so you hadn’t registered when Satoru called your name until he gently tapped your shoulder, falling into step with you.

“Yeah?” you looked up to Satoru, snapping out of your train of thought.

“Just wanted to tell you; ‘Operation: Relaxation Day’ was a great success.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Satoru.” A genuine smile graced your lips and for a moment, he softened at the sight.

“You know what? It was amazing, I really should start listening to you more often,” he confessed with a smirk.

“Well, it’s thanks to your amazing power of persuasion that we got to spend it like this, so thanks for today,” you half-heartedly complimented him.

“You do know I only said we’d not be available today and then dashed, right?” he asked you, the usual playful tone lacing his voice. “Exactly what I meant by saying ‘your amazing power of persuasion’.”

“I think I’ll frame the picture we took,” you murmured softly, fondly looking at the screen of your phone. The picture from earlier was displayed on your homescreen.

Surely, you would hang it on the blank wall in your home as well. It was a personal treasure now.

Taglist (dm me if you wanna be added): @assbuttbaek​ @megumifushi​ @bleueluna​ @gojos-mochi​ @delammi

[kuroopaisen]

tiny love || 14

➵ as tooru’s younger sister, falling in love with iwaizumi hajime is easy. your feelings aren’t ignored, either. after finally telling him the truth, there’s a lot of tension in the air.

warnings: f!reader

wc: 2k

m.list | ch. 13 ↞ ch. 14 ↠ ch. 15

Try as you might, you just couldn’t pay attention to your lecture.

The lecturer droned on in the archetypal slow drawl, slowly clicking through their powerpoint for each new point. Thank God they had the decency to upload the PDF after the lecture – you’d just take all the important notes from that.

Getting back to some sense of normalcy, back to the thrum of everyday life, was supposed to take your mind off things. But it didn’t. Tooru, Hajime, the whole damn mess – it still wavered in the back of your mind, flickering in and out of conscious thought.

It was almost impossible to ignore.

“Give him time,” Iwaizumi had said, exhausted. “It’s up to him now.”

He was right. You knew that. But it didn’t make you feel any better.

Your phone buzzed in your lap. Frowning, you looked down and turned the screen upwards.

Everything stopped. Your eyes shot wide, your heart beating erratically to the tempo of the ringing.

You gathered your things up in an instant and fled from the lecture hall as unobtrusively as possible, hands trembling as you jabbed at the ‘answer call’ icon.

The girls’ bathroom seemed to be empty as you rushed through the doors and sought out the closest cubicle. You held the phone up to your ear as you sat down on the toilet lid, breathless.

“Hello?”

A silence answered you. Had you been too late? Just missed it? Would it be amiss to call back immed—

“Hey.” Tooru’s voice was tight, sharp, unfamiliar.

“Hey,” you echoed, a queasy uneasiness settling in your stomach. Why was he calling you now? Why hadn’t he warned you?

You hadn’t been given any time to prepare.

Maybe he’d done that on purpose. Maybe he was trying to catch you off-guard.

“Did you… did you want to talk?” You asked.

Some part of you still wanted to fight, to get all scrappy and shout again. You didn’t want to grovel, to beg him for forgiveness, to rebuke anything you’d said prior.

But you didn’t want to throw this all away, either. He’s still your brother; even if he’s a brat, even if he’s selfish, even if he’s inconsiderate.

“Yeah,” he swallowed.

You bit the inside of your cheek, totally at a loss of what to say next.

God, this was so awkward. You’d never had this much trouble talking to your brother before. Well, trouble, maybe, but discomfort… It’s almost worse than the anger. At least there’s something to say during the fire. There’s just ash in the aftermath.

“I just…” Tooru sighed. You could visualise him gripping his hair with frustration, or touching his forehead with the tips of his fingers. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Ah.

That was the question, wasn’t it?

If you’d just said something all those years ago, maybe you could’ve avoided this entire debacle. But how were you supposed to know? You didn’t know anything when you were in high school.

You hadn’t known that you’d be sitting in your university’s bathroom, halfway across the world from home, feeling like you were about to spew your guts out because the thought of talking to your brother terrified you so damn much.

The only time you’d ever been scared of Tooru was when Hajime was involved. But scared of what?  

“I… I thought you’d be mad,” you mumbled.

It sounded silly now. Scared of Tooru? Scared of your own damn brother? Pathetic.

But you weren’t the only one.

“And Iwaizumi, he…” It was all a blur, but you could remember one thing. The fear of disapproval.

Iwaizumi had been terrified that Tooru would disapprove. Worst of all, he’d been afraid that Tooru would misunderstand it all.

“He told me that one of the other guys on the team asked about me,” you said quietly, “and that you got really mad.”

Tooru laughed. “What, he thought I’d disapprove of him just because I didn’t want Yahaba getting anywhere near my sister?”

“I heard you got pretty mad,” you mumbled. In truth, you were still kind of pissed about that. Tooru had no say in who you did and didn’t date – much less who had a right to a relationship with you.

Although, you felt you’d made that much clear the last time you’d spoken to him.

“And let me guess,” Tooru sighed after a long moment, “Iwaizumi didn’t want to create a big mess and pit us against each other and break a bunch of hearts.”

“Mhm,” you nodded slowly.

“Sounds about right…” Tooru grumbled.

“He also was worried that you’d think…” You swallowed roughly, the words sticking to your throat. “That you’d think he was messing around with me.”

It was the worst thing he’d said. The implication that he wasn’t serious, that it was all a game to him; of everything he’d said that awful day, that’d hurt the most.

“Messing around with you?” Tooru scoffed. “Like he’s the type of guy to do that…”

There was comfort in hearing those words. But they have a different pallor from the last time you’d spoken with him; had Hajime’s words moved him so much? What had been said between them? You hadn’t asked out of fear, but maybe you should’ve…

“You sounded pretty angry the other day,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, but…”

There was still a terseness in his voice, an edge that he couldn’t soften.

He was trying. Hard. He wasn’t hiding how he felt, but he was… containing it. Was he coddling you?

No. No, he was trying to be reasonable. You couldn’t fault him for that, at least.

“Look… I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not mad,” Tooru sighed.

Your gut twisted, your instincts screaming at you to hang up, to avoid Tooru for the rest of time, to do anything you could to avoid that anger. You’d faced it once; you never wanted to face it again.

But Tooru didn’t raise his voice. If he really was still mad, he was stymieing it gently, keeping it contained.

“I just…” His words were quiet, barely audible. “I just want to understand what went wrong.”

Your thoughts skidded to a halt. “What went wrong?”

That’s… a big question. A really big question. One with all sorts of caveats, countless nooks and crannies to fall into and get lost in. Hell, you weren’t even sure if the two of you had the same interpretation of that question.

“Well… neither of you told me, right? But from the sounds of it, you got pretty hurt.”

That felt like an understatement. But what would Tooru know? What could Tooru know?

“I… I don’t know, Tooru,” you sighed. You were no longer the kid you were back then. “Hajime made the decisions but I… I just went along with it. I didn’t… advocate for myself, I guess.”

You couldn’t blame yourself for that. There you were, infatuated with your older brother’s friend, and terrified of making a mess.

And that’d been considerate of you. There was no reason to be upset with yourself for thinking about others.

But you’d forgotten yourself, letting your own feelings get shoved aside for a ‘maybe’. ‘Maybe’ you’d break up. ‘Maybe’ Tooru would be mad. ‘Maybe’ it’d cause a mess. How were you supposed to live your life protecting other people from possibilities, from problems that hadn’t even taken root?

A ‘maybe’ meant you could prepare. Meant you could make promises, make vows, make sure that the outcome wouldn’t be as bad as any of you feared. As much as you could.

“I think Iwaizumi was more scared than I was,” you admitted.

Perhaps it’s not your secret to tell; frankly, you don’t really know if it’s true. But you knew Iwaizumi, and you knew his heart.

You hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but it felt like the truth. Maybe he’d had more to lose than you. Maybe he was worried that his relationship with Tooru would never recover. You had the safety net of being a family member; someone he’d have to forgive one day, even if the mere act of dating his friend seemed like an insurmountable transgression to him.

Iwaizumi didn’t have that security.

Tooru was quiet for a long moment before sighing. “What, did he feel like he was betraying me or something?”

Your stomach twisted at his choice of words.

“Not… not that I ‘own’ you,” he mumbled, as though tripping over what he just said. “But, you know… teenage brains and all that. They’re not exactly reasonable.”

You bit your lip, frowning. “I mean, I can’t be sure… You’d have to ask him about that.”

“Right…” Tooru sighed for what felt like the thousandth time this conversation. Well, at least he wasn’t shouting.

“Can I ask you a question?” Tooru asked, surprisingly apprehensive.

“Sure.”

“Did you ever hate me for it?’

The question shot through you with a jolt.

The unfortunate truth was yes. In a way, you had. It was hard not to feel some kind of bitterness towards him – for being so bright, for being so ambitious. And of course, for what happened with Iwaizumi. It felt like you’d lived half your life in a shadow, unable to distinguish yourself as anything other than ‘Tooru’s younger sister.’

But there was no way to say that. Not when it’s complicated. Not when it’s your brother.

“Nevermind,” Tooru said, clearing his throat. “Look, just… keep me in the loop from now on, okay?”

You grimaced. “You want to know all the details?”

“Of course not!” He damn near shrieked. “Just… you know. If you break up, or if you get engaged… stuff like that.”

Your face flushed hot. “Tooru—”

“Okay, that’s all!” He hummed. “See you later!”

“Wait, Toor—”

The phone buzzed against your ear, a sure sign that Tooru had taken his leave. You sighed, letting all the tension that’d gathered in your chest dissipate in your breath.

That was… weird.

But not unwelcome. Not unwelcome at all. Everything was uncertain; maybe Tooru would change his mind. Maybe he’d decide that, actually, he hated the idea of this and he’d disown you if you kept dating Iwaizumi.

But right then, sitting in your tiny university cubicle, you realised something.

It was all in your hands, now. You could choose the way forward.

✧ ✧ ✧

“Hajime!” You called as you rushed through your front door, bag in tow.

“Yeah?” He was standing in the kitchen, clad only in a pair of grey sweatpants as he unpacked the dishwasher.

You didn’t even take the time to marvel at the sight. The only thing on your mind was rushing towards him and throwing your arms around his neck.

“Everything okay?” He chuckled, placing a firm hand on your back.

“Mhm,” you hummed into his neck, revelling in his warmth. He was always so warm; your own man-sized furnace. Did his sheer amount of muscle mass have something to do with that?

“You’re back early,” he said after a moment.

“Oh, yeah,” you grinned, tilting your head back to look at him. “I left my lecture early.”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at you.

“It’s fine,” you giggled, “I’ll just watch it later.”

Iwaizumi sighed, tutting under his breath as he leant in to press a gentle kiss to your lips. You knew he didn’t have the heart to actually scold you; not when your arms were wrapped around him.

You hummed into the kiss, slipping one of your hands into his hair.

It was nice, being with him like this. There was nothing to worry about anymore; you didn’t need to hide this. You didn’t need to push your feelings to the side and hope you’d just get over them. Finally, finally, it was okay to feel this way. To bare your heart without any shame.

It was one thing to stand up for yourself, to assert your right to do what you wanted.

But knowing that the one thing that’d always been holding you back, that’d taken your feelings hostage for God knew how long…

Everything just felt lighter.

[thisissirius]

for @gracieli and the ladies of the discord *chef’s kiss*

i’ve only known you to keep your word buck/eddie, buck, eddie, chris, hurt/comfort, a little frottage, buck being lonely and eddie seeing and helping

Buck barely has time to sit down and attempt to handle the silence in his apartment when a key jams into the lock of his front door and it swings open.

Eddie comes into the apartment, two bags in hand, and beer in the other. “Get the door?”

Buck stares.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it.”

When Eddie’s shut the door, Buck finds his voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Bringing food,” Eddie says, and Buck hears the duh even if he doesn’t say it. “Not that I’m cooking it. You are.” He flashes a smile.

Buck snorts, moving past his confusion and grabbing for the beer. “Maybe I wanna watch you fail.”

Eddie shrugs. “It’s your apartment. Also possibly your funeral.”

Saluting Eddie with his bottle, he goes to the cutlery drawer and grabs a bottle opener. “Why are you really here?”

There’s a long, drawn out silence where Eddie just stares at him. Buck feels uncomfortable under the scrutiny in ways he hasn’t before. It seems like ever since they came back from Texas, Eddie’s been—Buck doesn’t know how to explain it.

“Chris is at a sleepover,” Eddie says eventually. He makes a face. “You know how I feel about that.”

Buck does. Eddie’s only ever antsy and weird when Chris isn’t around. “Such a drama king,” he says.

“Whatever. We cooking or what?”

“Fine,” Buck says with a sigh, hip checking Eddie out of the way, ducking away from the elbow Eddie aims at his side. “Don’t beat up the person who’s saving you from food poisoning, Diaz.”

Eddie narrows his eyes, but he starts emptying out the bags. Spaghetti. He’s so transparent but Buck hides his smile by taking a pull of beer. Buck’s spaghetti is Christopher’s favourite and Buck’s got no doubts Eddie’s brought enough ingredients for extra portions. Something like happiness blossoms in Buck’s chest and he covers it with a knowing smirk.

“Really?”

“Shut up,” Eddie grouses. “You try telling Chris we had spaghetti and didn’t save him any.”

“No thanks,” Buck says immediately. “I do not court death.”

It makes Eddie laugh, which is Buck’s aim, after all, and he grins his way through the meal prep. _______

Later, stomach full and the happiness a comfortable constant, Buck is stretched out on the couch, another bottle of beer resting against his hip, one arm tucked under his head. He is super conscious of one of his legs resting over Eddie’s lap, Eddie’s fingers circling his ankle.

“I don’t understand why they don’t just talk to each other.”

Eddie gives him a look. “It’s a movie, Buck.”

“So?” Buck watches as neither of the characters communicate. Again. “How hard is it to talk about your feelings?”

There’s a pointed silence.

“Whatever,” Buck grouses. “We have notable trauma, they don’t.”

“Noticeable trauma,” Eddie says, raising an eyebrow.

Buck kicks him with the leg that isn’t held hostage. “Be nice, Eddie, or you can go home.”

“You wouldn’t kick me out,” Eddie says with certainty.

Falling quiet, Buck turns back to the movie, but he’s not really watching it. Eddie’s not wrong. He wouldn’t kick Eddie out. Ever. Even in their worst moments, the only thing he wanted was for Eddie to come back, for them to be them again.

The movie finishes and Buck blinks. “Did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says softly. He removes his hands from Buck’s ankle. Buck can still feel the phantom heat of his fingers. “Come on, time for bed.”

Buck frowns. “I was comfortable.”

“And we can be comfortable upstairs,” Eddie says, once again with the duh unspoken. “Up, Buckley, let’s go.”

Buck feels a little adrift as they walk up to his bedroom. Honestly, he’s been feeling that way most of the night and he doesn’t know how to make sense of what he’s feeling. Leaning against the balcony railing, he watches Eddie root through his drawers, grabbing sleep clothes. “Eddie—“

“Wash up,” Eddie tells him, tossing over the clothes.

Though the fight is on the tip of his tongue, Buck keeps it to himself. He realises he doesn’t want to argue and goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He stares at himself in the mirror. The silence that usually crowds him in the evenings he’s alone is absent and there’s comfort in Eddie being a yell away. He relaxes, washing up and getting changed.

When he comes out, Eddie moves past him, a hand brushing his hip and Buck shivers. The touch feels deliberate and Buck’s thrown back over the last couple of hours. Everything Eddie’s done is just what Buck needs. It overwhelms him and he sits on the edge of the bed, not sure what happens next. Will Eddie get blankets and go downstairs? Worse, will he want to share a bed? What if he wants to talk—

“Buck,” Eddie says gently, resting a hand on Buck’s shoulder making him jump. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Buck says, smiling softly. “Sorry.”

Eddie’s hand squeezes before it falls to his side. “Get in the bed.”

“Are you—”

“Come on,” Eddie says, and it could easily be an order, but for the tone. Buck doesn’t like being pushed around and it shows that Eddie knows that; he’s careful, gentle, and Buck nods, climbing into bed.

Buck rolls over, watches Eddie as he shuts off the light and charges his phone. Buck panics for a moment, before seeing his own on the nightstand. His heart picks up a beat, twop, and he’s holding his breath. Maybe if he doesn’t move this won’t stop being a dream. It still feels like one when Eddie reaches out, fingers sliding through the hair that’s soft against Buck’s forehead. “Sleep, Buck.”

Buck doesn’t know if he can.

“You save me from my nightmares,” Eddie says, with a self-deprecating smile.

I’ll save you from yours.

Buck closes his eyes and breathes out.

Buck’s not quite sure what to make of it..

_______

The next morning, Eddie burns breakfast (of course), abandons it (of course), and bundles himself and Buck in the truck to get breakfast—and to pick up Chris.

“Bucky!” Chris pokes his head into the car and grins.

Buck will never not love hanging out with Chris and he leans over the seat to give Chris a high five. “Sleepover okay?”

“Jamie’s got a hamster,” Chris starts.

“No,” Eddie says immediately, buckling his seatbelt.

Chris looks at Buck. Buck looks at Eddie.

“No,” Eddie says again.

Buck smiles at Chris and turns back around. They’ve got this.

_______

Two very full shifts later and Buck is sitting in the locker room, staring at his duffle. He doesn’t know if he’s got the energy to pack the rest of his shit in there and move, let alone drive home. His body aches, bruises starting to blossom from the fall he’d taken on a previous call, and he hisses as he stands.

The prospect of going home alone, tending to his hurts and sleeping in that bed all alone—Buck’s breath hitches and he closes his eyes, forehead pressed to the lockers.

There’s a rap on the glass and Buck whirls around, ready to put up the front, make out he’s okay, and deflates when he sees Eddie. Neither of them says anything for a moment, and then Eddie’s moving into the room, wordlessly packing the rest of Buck’s stuff into his bag. Buck doesn’t know where he gets his energy from. “Eddie.”

“You look like you’re gonna fall over,” Eddie says, frowning.

“Sorry,” Buck starts.

“Why?” Eddie looks up at him, surprised.

Buck sits on the bench again, cradling his ribs. They’re not broken, says Hen and Chim both, but they still hurt like a bitch. “Give me a minute and I’ll be good to go. You should go ome to Chris.”

“That’s not happening,” Eddie says. “I mean alone,” he amends, interpreting Buck’s expression correctly. “You’re coming with me.”

“Eddie—”

“Don’t argue with me.” Eddie straightens up, Buck’s bag on one shoulder, his on the other. “You alright to move?”

Buck nods, gives himself a minute to breathe in and out slowly, then pushes himself to his feet. He winces when his ribs twinge. “You can drop me off, it’s fine.”

Eddie stops them, hand on Buck’s arm. His thumb is resting against Buck’s pulse point and Buck wonders, a touch hysterically, if he can feel it racing. “You’re coming home with me,” he says again, gentler this time. “You’re always allowed to ask me for help.”

Breath catching in his throat, Buck doesn’t know how to answer that. Eddie swipes his thumb once across the skin of Buck’s wrist then lets go.

“I’ll tell Chris not to jump on you,” Eddie tells him as they head out of the station. “He’s still banned from video games, so you’ll have to entertain him some other way.”

“It’s not like we haven’t had to before,” Buck says, falling into the banter with ease. “At least this time it’s a deserved punishment and not his dad being a technophobe.”

Eddie glares at him over the top of the truck. “Hildy was watching me! She sees it all!”

Buck laughs, wincing as he slides into the passenger set, but the pain is worth it. Eddie helps with the seatbelt, which would be humiliating if Buck wasn’t used to this. “Does Chris know I’m coming?”

“Nope,” Eddie says, putting the truck in reverse. “Carla would kill me for one. Secondly, I’d hate to ruin the surprise.”

Eddie’s smile is fond and Buck can’t help but match it, relaxing back against the seat. He can’t wait to walk through that door and let Chris fill all the spaces that have grown in him since the last time. It always feels like coming home. Buck closes his eyes, pushes down the feeling. Chris isn’t his and he should remember that.

“You still with me?”

Buck opens his eyes, head turning to look at Eddie. Eddie spares him a glance, then looks back at the road. “I’m not gonna be good company,” he tries again. If he brings Chris and Eddie down with his mood, he’ll never forgive himself.

“You think I was after the well?” Eddie huffs out a laugh. “Please, Buck, we’ll ply you with painkillers, Chris can talk your ear off about whatever it is you two get excited about, then we’ll go to sleep. It’s not that hard.”

“I could have done that at home.”

“Yes,” Eddie allows, Buck fascinated with how soft his touch when the steering wheel slides through his fingers. Why is everything about Eddie so gentle? “But I’d rather you be somewhere I can keep an eye on you.”

The words signal exasperation, but the tone is fond, the smile on Eddie’s face soft. Buck so often feels like a burden but Eddie’s acting like he isn’t. That this is something he wants to do, help Buck and make him—

“Fuck.”

“Hey,” Eddie says, sounding worried. “Are you crying?”

“No,” Buck bites out, swiping at his face with the hand not pressed to his ribs. “Please keep driving.”

Eddie does, thankfully, and Buck grits his teeth against the urge to keep crying. “I’m sorry.”

It’s Buck’s turn to be confused. “Why?”

“If you’re crying because someone wants to take care of you, I’ve been a shitty best friend.”

_______

The words are still rattling around Buck’s head when it comes time for bed.

Chris is already tucked in, having dragged a story from both Buck and Eddie, and Eddie’s been putting stuff away in the kitchen, talking in low tones to Buck through the door. Buck’s been half paying attention, his mind still on the conversation in the car.

When Eddie steps back into the room, wiping his hands on the back of his jeans, he gives Buck a smile. “Ready for bed?”

“Yeah,” Buck says. “Toss some blankets, yeah?”

“As if,” Eddie says without hesitation. “No way are you taking the couch with those ribs.”

“Eddie,” Buck says. Eddie pauses at whatever he hears in Buck’s tone. Buck’s not sure how he sounds, barely knows how he feels. “What you said in the truck—”

There’s no judgement, no embarrassment. “Yeah?”

Buck opens his mouth, closes it. “You haven’t been a shitty best friend.”

“I have,” Eddie presses. Then, with a sigh, “sometimes.”

“So have I.” Buck groans as he rights himself, grateful when Eddie holds out a hand and takes most of his weight to help him stand. “I don’t know how to accept it. Someone taking care of me.”

Eddie nods. Buck doesn’t know how he always gets it, how he knows Buck so well when Buck barely knows what’s happening inside of his own head. Eddie’s hands are on his hips and he tugs a little, careful so that Buck doesn’t stumble, and drags him into a hug. Buck lets out a shaky breath, turns his face into Eddie’s neck. The angle would be awkward but for his stoop and he lets himself take the comfort Eddie’s offering.

“I know,” Eddie says quietly, a kiss ghosting over Buck’s temple. “You will.”

_______

Over the following two days, Buck’s body mends and he’s able to move without wanting to punch himself in the face. He spends the time dicking around on his phone—having a photo off with Marjan about which one of them is more internet famous—and letting Chris talk him into playing almost his entire catalogue of video games.

Eddie’s a silent presence in the background. He disappears for work, leaving Carla in charge, and she spends most of the time feeding Buck, berating him for not looking after himself, and throwing him knowing looks. Buck doesn’t know what she’s getting at. When Eddie comes home, he manages to put together a good dinner (Buck finds the takeout containers in the trash), settle down with them in front of the TV and throw an arm over Buck’s shoulders, squeeze against him even when there’s space, and on the second night, when they’re an hour into the movie, Buck can feel Eddie’s fingers playing with his hair.

It startles him, but he does his best not to react. Relaxing back against Eddie’s arm, he catches the small quirk of a smile playing at Eddie’s mouth and complains about something in the movie. Chris interjects, Buck only tangentially paying attention, because Eddie’s fingers are scratching lightly at his scalp.

“Gross,” Eddie says, wrinkling his nose. Buck can agree; there’s way too much blood for a movie Chris can watch, but he doesn’t answer. He can feel himself relaxing further, embarrassed when he pushes into Eddie’s fingers. Thankfully, Eddie doesn’t seem to notice. Except then, on the next pass, he scratches a little lighter. The sensation has Buck shivering and he swallows down the noise in his throat.

Reaching over, he rests a hand on Eddie’s leg and squeezes. Eddie looks at him, picking up on Buck’s silent cues, and nods. He keeps his hand in Buck’s hair, but contends himself with running his fingers through it instead of scratching. Buck breathes out, shaky, but doesn’t tense up again.

“Work tomorrow,” Eddie says, his voice pitched low. Chris is still watching the movie, working his way through a packet of candy Buck’s surprised Eddie let him have.

Buck nods. “Can’t wait. I feel like I’ve put on five pounds in two days.”

“Now who’s dramatic.” Eddie shakes his head. “Not that you’re wrong; Carla’s cooking does have that effect. So good.”

“Anyone’s would be,” Buck says, smirking, “compared to yours.”

Eddie glares, but he huffs, looking back at the TV. “Rude.”

“Not wrong,” Buck says lightly, sing-song, watching Chris out of the corner of his eye. Either Chris is doing a very good job of pointedly ignoring them (something he’s practised at), or they’re managing to keep their tone low. When Eddie doesn’t reply, he pouts. “I’m injured.”

“You were,” Eddie corrects, but he’s smiling. “All the rope rescues for you tomorrow.”

Buck pauses. “You’re not going to fight me for them?”

Looking nonchalant, Eddie shrugs. “Consider it a gift to you.”

You’re my gift.

The words get trapped somewhere in Buck’s throat. He can’t stop staring at Eddie. It almost feels like a relief when the movie finishes, and Eddie starts making noises about sleeping. Again, Buck finds himself being tugged in the direction of Eddie’s bed, even when the couch will suffice, but it feels not unlike the tsunami; Buck drowning, being pulled in different directions, but this time Eddie’s there; a guide, an anchor, when Buck feels most adrift.

_______

Days pass into weeks.

Buck’s in his truck, on the way back to his apartment, and he’s startled by the wrongness of it. He can’t remember the last time he spent the night in his own home. Turning into the parking lot, he sits behind the wheel, knuckles white as he grips it, staring at the window of his apartment.

Not that he wants to hang around Eddie like dead weight. He’d dashed out of the locker room, a yell over his shoulder that he was late to pick up Chris. Not that buck expects them to hang out after work or anything, but ever since—well, since Texas, Eddie’s not been far.

Angry at himself, he grabs his duffel from the back seat and heads into the apartment building, fighting the lead weight settling in his stomach. It’s his fucking home! Just because Eddie doesn’t mind him hanging out with him and Chris, Buck needs to get a grip. He’s not part of their family and he needs to stop. Maybe go out, find someone to—

His phone rings shrilly through his thoughts and he grabs it, answering it with a harsh, “What?”

A pause. “Where are you?”

“At my apartment,” Buck snaps. “You remember? That place I live.”

Eddie’s quiet on the other end of the phone and Buck grips the edge of the counter, closing his eyes, opening his mouth to apologise. Eddie talks first, his tone soft. “I remember.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck blurts out. He presses his hand to his eyes. “I think the shift must have got to me. “

“You sure you’re alright?”

No. Buck nods. “Yeah.”

A hum. Eddie’s voice is still quiet when he says, “alright. See you tomorrow.”

When the dial tone rings in his ear, Buck lets the phone slide out of his hands, hitting the counter and sliding away from him. Buck swallows once, twice, feels the burn of tears in his eyes. He doesn’t understand what’s happening. He doesn’t realise he’s slid down to the floor until he feels the cold beneath his butt, his head falling back to rest against the island. Time slides away from him and he breathes slowly, trying to focus on the here and now, even if it’s the last place he wants to be.

“Buck?”

Buck’s breathing sounds too loud.

“Head up, Buck, come on.”

Eddie, Buck’s brain helpfully supplies. He blinks, stares up into Eddie’s face.

“There you are,” Eddie says, voice soft. “You with me?”

“Eddie?” Buck says, his voice scratchy.

Eddie nods, his arms on Buck’s. He tugs gently, helping Buck up off the floor. Buck lets himself be led, unsurprised when Eddie pushes him down onto the couch. There’s a glass of water on the coffee table, a blanket against the arm.

Buck stares, wonders if there’s an echo when he says, “Eddie,” again.

“I’m here,” Eddie says, and Buck’s sure this isn’t real, that he’s gone mad. “Not mad,” Eddie says, “just lonely.”

The word catches in Buck’s ribcage, feels like a knife. “I don’t like being alone.”

Eddie sits next to him on the couch, turning sideways, knee pressed to Buck’s thigh. “I know.”

“I hate it,” Buck continues, staring around the room, at the cold whiteness of everything. He’s tried to make it a home, put stuff up, kept some of the drawings Chris does for him, photos hung on the walls. It doesn’t feel like anything. Not the way Eddie’s does when he walks through the door. The smell, the sounds, the comfort of Chris laughing, of Eddie grousing about something.

Buck’s chest feels tight.

“Buck,” Eddie says, his tone hard. “Look at me.”

Buck does.

“That’s it.” Eddie’s tone shifts back into soft and he reaches over, pulls Buck closer to him. Buck tenses up but Eddie doesn’t let go. He keeps talking, the words washing over Buck like a balm. “You never ask for help. I know I don’t either. We’ve both got—what did you call it, notable trauma?”

It’s funny, but Buck doesn’t laugh. He starts to relax, hand fisting in Eddie’s shirt.

“You’re lonely,” Eddie says, not that Buck needs the reminder. “But you’re not alone.”

Buck clenches his eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath.

“You hear me?” Eddie says again, burying his face in Buck’s hair. They shift around a little until it’s comfortable, Buck pressed against Eddie, the two of them stretched out on Buck’s couch.

“Chris,” Buck says, panicked. If Eddie’s here then who’s got Chris?

“He’s with Hen and Karen.” Eddie’s fingers are on the back of Buck’s neck, grounding him. “He’s safe.”

Okay. Chris is safe. Buck’s not alone.

“Eddie,” he says, hating himself for this weakness but unable to keep from saying, “I don’t wanna be alone.”

Eddie sucks in a breath, lets it out. He sounds wrecked. “I know. You’re not, I promise.”

Buck shakes his head. “I am. When you go home. When everyone—I’m alone. Abby left and Ali and I’m alone.” The word spill out of him, water running over him, drowning him, holding him fast. “My parents left me alone. Maddie. You.” Eddie’s breath hitches. “Why doesn’t anyone stay?”

Arms tightening, Eddie drags him up, mouth pressed to his forehead, breath hot against Buck’s face. “Not anymore, you understand me?”

Buck wants to believe it. Eddie’s been here, all this time, taking care of Buck. Dr. Copeland says he can accept it for what it is; Eddie caring. Buck wants to, but he doesn’t know how.

“It’s okay,” Eddie says, watching him carefully.

“What is?”

“That you don’t believe me.” Eddie says it so matter of fact and though Buck wants to deny it, he can’t make himself say it. Eddie’s thumb rubs over his cheek. Is Buck crying again? “I’ll show you.”

Buck doesn’t know what that means. “How?”

“If you don’t wanna be alone,” Eddie starts, cuts himself off. There’s pink on his cheeks, determination in his expression. “My bed is cold without you.”

“Mine is too big,” Buck blurts out.

“Alright,” Eddie says, even though Buck doesn’t know what he’s agreeing to. He curls into Eddie, emotionally wrung out, not sure where they go from here. Have they solved anything? Buck’s still going to be in this cold apartment and Eddie might want him around sometimes, but all the time? Buck doesn’t know if Eddie likes him enough to—

Fingers scratch against his scalp.

Buck lets out a soft noise.

“I wasn’t sure,” Eddie says, words drifting softly into Buck’s ear where Eddie’s lips are pressed. “But you asked me to stop.”

“I didn’t know,” Buck says, shaky, groaning when Eddie’s nails scrape down the nape of his neck. He gets a hand between Eddie’s back and the couch, curls his fingers into the fabric of Eddie’s shirt. A henley. Yellow. Fuck, he looks so good.

Eddie whispers, “I know,” and adjusts his hips, slides further back and oh. Buck rocks his hips up, a little out of it because this is Eddie, and they’re on his couch, and he’s, he’s chasing— “That’s it.”

There’s a counterpoint; Eddie’s fingers in his hair, against his scalp, and his hips, the thick curve of his dick pressed to Buck’s.

“Eddie,” he manages to get out.

“You can have it,” Eddie grits out, dropping his free hand to Buck’s ass and dragging him up. Buck punches out a groan, body quivering as he his orgasm starts to build, pleasure pulsing at the base of his spine. Eddie’s breathing in his ear, there’s the rustle of fabric, and Buck can smell the fading scent of Eddie’s cologne.

“Please,” Buck bites out.

“Take it,” Eddie says, biting at the curve of Buck’s jaw. “You can have whatever want.”

Buck sobs out Eddie’s name as he grinds his hips down, lost in the sensations of Eddie’s hands, his voice, the pleasure cresting up and over, drowning out everything but Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

_______

“You with me?”

Buck hums, craking open an eye. They’re still on the couch, his pants feel gross, but Eddie’s stroking a hand down his back so Buck can deal.

“Buck?”

“Yeah,” Buck says.

Eddie shifts a little, extricating himself enough to grab the water bottle. Buck makes a disgruntled noise, but can’t deny he’s thirsty. When Eddie’s satisfied he’s drunk enough, they settle back, Eddie’s hand drfiting through his hair. “Move in with me.”

Buck’s body tenses. “Eddie—”

“I’m asking,” Eddie says, and when Buck pulls back, he can see the apprehension on Eddie’s face. “Not telling. And no,” he adds, “it’s not pity.”

“I can get over it.”

Eddie doesn’t answer. He gestures for Buck to lie back down and after a momentary hesitation, Buck does, sinking against the lines of Eddie’s body. He’s lulled into comfort by the press of Eddie’s hands against his back and neck, the steady rhythm of Eddie’s chest rising and falling.

“Part of me thinks I’ll never be over Shannon,” Eddie says. Buck hardly dares breathe. “I’ve always thought I wasn’t good enough,” Eddie continues, burying his face in Buck’s hair. “And yet every time I look up, there you are. Still here.”

The words take a moment to resonate; Buck’s broken and splintered, but Eddie is too. Maybe their damaged parts match up, maybe they don’t. Somehow, they fit together anyway, and Eddie’s been here. He’s still here, Chris safe with friends because Buck needs him.

“I’ve never been a priority,” Buck rasps out.

“Yes you have,” Eddie says with a certainty that makes Buck wants to hold on and never let go. “You and Chris? You have to know you’re everything.”

Buck tightens his grip on Eddie. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Eddie huffs a breath. “I know. Neither do I, sometimes, but I’m not letting you go, Buck.”

“Promise?”

Gentle pressure on Buck’s chin tilts his head up and he stares into Eddie’s eyes and Buck’s breath catches in his throat at the expression on Eddie’s face. “You have every part of me that doesn’t belong to Chris.”

When Eddie kisses him, Buck lets himself fall.

[watchmegetobsessed]

VALERIE - Part IX. (Harry Styles)

yall are gonna hate me for this but it needed to be done IM SORRY! also, i can’t believe valerie is ending this week, just one more part to go! can’twait to read your reactions and thoughts on this part, even though i know yall gonna be upset lmao

word count: 5.6k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

Some days it truly feels like the universe has plotted against you to make every possible thing go wrong. As if it wants to see just how much you can take before breaking, experiment how long it can dance on your nerves before you end up one of those crazy people who shout at random strangers on the bus for no actual reason.

Starting the day you overslept awfully leaving you only ten minutes before you had to leave. In your hurry you ended up putting on socks that do not match and you were forced to buy a sandwich on your way as breakfast, but you promised you wouldn’t buy packed sandwiches for a reason, this one tasted like it’s been sitting on the shelf for weeks. Maybe it really has been. 

You made it to work successfully, but then you realized that you’ve left your notebook at home, the one that had quite a lot of important information you need for your work, so you spent your first hour at work emailing different people for things you should now, explaining that you just left your notebook at home. Some didn’t really give a fuck and just answered you normally, but others didn’t shy away from commenting that you should be more responsible and careful.

This alone gave just the perfect foundation for the day. It was all downhill from then. Your boss loaded twice as much work on you than usually, everything with close deadlines, throwing even more anxiety into the mix as if you didn’t have enough already. 

You met up with Marcus at lunch, but that didn’t go as planned either. It’s been getting more and more frustrating with him, the two of you have already had at least five fights this week and it’s only wednesday. It seems like even the smallest things push you over the edge these days and you easily pick a fight over anything. It didn’t happen differently this time either and by the time you got back to the office you were fuming. Worst part is that you always have a hard time ending a fight and tend to continue it through texts, the same thing happened today as well.

Now it’s a few minutes past five and you’re getting ready to go home, get changed and head to family dinner since today is Valerie’s first birthday, but even on the bus you’re still furiously typing away on your phone, sending a reply to Marcus, wanting nothing more than to throw the device right ot the window.

At one point you decide you’ve had enough. Turning your phone off you sink it into the depth of your bag and just try to focus on breathing, because even the smallest things seem to be hard tasks in such an upsetting state of mind. 

These past few weeks things have taken an absurdly wrong turn between you and Marcus and you don’t know what to do about the whole situation. Every night you go to bed thinking that you should just let go of him, would do a favor for the both of you, but then that stupid little voice in the back of your mind tells you that if you break up with Marcus it’s game over for you, you’ll spend the rest of your life alone. It all ends up with you violently holding onto the pieces of what’s left from your relationship and you’ve been trying to figure out where it went wrong, but you have absolutely no idea. 

After you changed into a pair of light washed jeans, a bright orange sweater and your black leather jacket it’s time for you to leave, though you already know you’ll be late. With a sigh deep you decided to turn your phone back on when you were sitting in the Uber, immediately deleting the notifications about the messages Marcus left you and going straight for the few ones from Rosa, your mom and Harry. They all arrived not too long ago asking when you’d be arriving, so you quickly typed your sorry and told them you’re on your way, you just got caught up at work. For Harry, you add something else too:

“Save me a seat and order me a tequila.”

His response came quickly.

“Done. Both.”

You let out a chuckle seeing his message. He knows you too well.

Walking into the small restaurant you don’t have a hard time spotting your family, three tables have been pushed together to make enough room in the back, taking up the small, kind of separated area of the place. Rosa smiles widely when she spots you, Valerie standing on her thighs, hands on the table as she is trying to snatch one of the glasses away, but her dad is pushing it further from her grasp.

“Sorry for being late,” you huff out and take the seat right next to Harry who watches you with a smile. “Well hello there, birthday girl! You’re so big now!” you babble at Valerie who giggles at you before her attention is averted once again.

You feel Harry’s elbow poking your side and turning to him you see him nod at the two shots on the table.

“Oh, fantastic. You’re drinking too?”

“No, I’m driving. Both for you.”

“If I didn’t have such a shitty day I would question what kind of alcoholic you think I am, but I kinda need both,” you sigh, taking the first one and downing it faster than ever. From the corner of your eyes you see your mother’s disapproving look, but you decide to ignore it for now.

“Wanna talk about it?” Harry asks, eyebrows furrowed in worry, but you shake your head, the alcohol still burning your throat.

“Not now. Can you give me a lift home tho?”

“Sure,” he nods, turning back to the conversation at the table. 

You somehow succeed in putting everything that happened today behind and just focus on the time spent with your family. It helps that seemingly Harry works hard all evening to tell you about random things, just occupying your thoughts as much as he can. It’s nice to relax a little and forget everything that’s been weighing down on your shoulders recently. 

“It’s so crazy she is one already,” you sigh when you and Harry are walking to his car.

“Right? It makes me feel incredibly old,” Harry huffs as he fishes his car keys out of his pocket.

“How old are you even?” you ask laughing, realizing you don’t even know how old he exactly is. There are quite a few things, small details you’ve just never gotten around to find out about Harry.

“I’m turning 27 in February. Wild, isn’t it?” he chuckles.

“Yeah, you’re basically a grandpa,” you tease him and he narrows his eyes at you, but you can’t miss the little smile hiding in the corners of his mouth. 

“That makes you a grandma, because you’re turning 25 in April, don’t you?”

“You know when my birthday is?” It takes you by surprise, you don’t remember ever telling him when your birthday is.

The two of you reach his car and he clears his throat unlocking it. Seems like he doesn’t really want to answer, but your burning gaze on him kind of forces him into it.

“Uh, I do. I wanted to meet up with Steven last year the day you had your birthday party, but he said he had plans already. Tried to lure him into cancelling, but he didn’t even want to share where he was going. Then he admitted that it was your birthday party, but you told him and Rosa not to even mention it to me so I don’t show up.”

Your stomach drops hearing his version of a story you’ve only known from your own point of view. You remember that you indeed told them not to tell Harry about it, but now it seems like such a hate crime, when in real life, it was still when the two of you hated each other with passion. 

“I’m… Harry I’m sorry. That was--”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiles at you, starting the car. “We left it all behind, didn’t we?”

His smile seems genuine, but you still feel guilty for being such a bitch. It reminded you how much time and energy the two of you wasted for years hating each other when you could have been just like you are now. If only things happened in a different way…

Arriving at your building Harry parks the car and stops it. As the engine stops, the silence that’s been thickening the air just becomes even more obvious. He is waiting for you to say something about what’s gotten you so upset today, you know that, but you don’t feel like sitting around in his car.

“Want to come up for a little bit?” you ask and it’s a hidden message that you want to talk in the comfort of your own home. Luckily, Harry understands it right away and nodding he tells you to lead the way. 

You make some tea and the two of you sit on your couch, Harry is sitting sideways so he can see you while you bring your knees up to your chest, staring down at the mug in your hands.

“I had a fight with Marcus,” you quietly start.

“Oh.”

“And… it wasn’t the first time. We’ve been constantly fighting lately and I’m just… so tired of it.”

Saying it out loud for the first time, having someone listen to you brings you an odd sense of relief, and it doesn’t feel weird that you’re talking to Harry about all of it. He has proven himself to be a great listener.

“We’ve been fighting constantly, over the smallest things and my… my patience is running short, at this point.”

You’re talking slowly, carefully putting your thoughts into words, trying your best to interpret them for Harry after boiling them only in your own head for so long.

“I just… I have no idea what I should do.”

“It seems like the relationship is not making you happy anymore,” Harry softly speaks up and you have nothing to bring up against what he just said. “So why are you trying to continue it?”

You were expecting the question, you just knew he would ask it, but it still brings a painful, stinging sensation into your chest as you try to find the words to answer him. 

“Because…” you breath out and slowly turning your head, your eyes meet his gaze. “If I can’t make it work with him… then… who is it gonna be? There’s this voice in my head that keeps telling me, that he is literally my last choice, that if I mess this up it’s gonna be over for me.”

“Y/N, you know that’s not true,” Harry tells you tilting his head.

“Do I?” you chuckle bitterly, turning your gaze to the ceiling before you look back at him. “Because I don’t think I do. I’ve been literally feeling so miserable for weeks, yet I still can’t get me to move on, because I think I’m gonna die alone.”

“That’s not gonna happen, don’t say that. You’ll find the right person for you, you just… have to be patient.”

“But that’s the thing. I have lost my patience. I’m done, over it.” The tears form in your eyes in just a few seconds and the next thing you know is that you’re crying. “I’ve been trying so hard in my whole life, but somehow I always ended up… not being enough, or thrown away, stepped over, left behind. No matter what I did, I always ended up alone and I can’t help but notice a pattern in it. It has to be me, what else?”

“It’s not you, okay? You just had a few bad experiences.”

“Not a few,” you huff closing your eyes. “All of them are bad. I was… I was never enough for anyone and now that I found a guy that seemed to be just perfect… I’m ruining it.”

“I don’t think you’re ruining anything.”

“Then explain to me what’s happening, Harry!” you snap in despair and Harry stares back at you at a loss of words at first.

“Do you have feelings for him?” he then asks. You can’t answer right away and it tells him a lot.

“I… I’m not sure.”

“That sounded more like a no.”

“Okay, alright. No, I don’t. But… I could develop feelings eventually, couldn’t I?”

“That’s not how it works, Y/N. You can’t just torture yourself hoping that one day you wake up and you’ll be in love with him. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just wasting your time.”

“How do you know it’s not gonna happen? What makes you so sure of that I will not end up alone?”

Harry stays quiet, her green eyes are staring right into your soul and for a moment you forget about your misery. This man alone holds such a power over you, it’s starting to scare you.

“I know it, because… I know you. And I see you. You’re literally the funniest girl I know, so easy to talk with, you always know when to crack a joke and when you have to be serious. You have so much love for others, you care about your loved ones and you’re always there for your friends and family. You make it so easy for others to get comfortable around you and you make everyone feel safe around you.”

You listen to him intently, drinking up every word that leaves his lips. Harry looks down at his hands as he continues.

“And you’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful, it always baffles me when I see you.”

“What?” you breathe out.

“It’s the truth,” Harry chuckles lightly, he brushes his knuckles together nervously. “Every time you walk in, you just… make everyone turn their head at you, and I always wonder if you even notice that. The way you walk, your smile, your laugh, Y/N, you make every man go crazy about you.”

“You’re just saying that because you are trying to cheer me up,” you sniff, wiping a few more tears away from your eyes.

“I’m definitely not,” he chuckles and his eyes finally find yours. “I remember when we first met.”

“When you walked in on me changing,” you sigh, the memories living vividly in your mind.

“Yeah. I remember how… breathless I felt when I saw you standing there, your dress handing a little on your frame because of the zipper. I forgot my name for a moment. I offered to help with the zipper because I just… wanted to touch you in any kind of way. So I knew that you were real.”

“Harry…”

“I know this sounds made up, but I’m telling you, this is the truth. And I know I didn’t act like that for a long time, but I always thought that you were an amazing person and I know that any guy would be so lucky and incredibly happy to be with you. I hate the thought of you thinking otherwise of yourself, when you are literally such a delight and… just a gift to all of us. I don’t know what’s really been going on between you and Marcus, but if he can’t see your worth and can’t make you feel like you deserve… he is not worthy of your time.”

You feel your throat closing up, but you’re not sure Harry knows the reason behind it when the tears start rolling down your cheeks again. 

Because it might look like his words touched you and made you tear up, but in reality, a bittersweet feeling has taken completely over you. If this is how he thinks about you, why did he act like that when he had the chance to be with you? Why didn’t he want you to stay? What did you do that made him want to throw you out?

It’s a spiral straight down and you can’t stop yourself from falling. Harry has always been the biggest mystery of your life, and now you’re just even more sure it was something you did or said that made him want to run. 

He reaches out and easily scoops you into his arms and you let him hold you tight, face buried into his chest. You hold onto his shirt as the silent cries escape your lips. You want him to want you. You want him to mean all those things he just told you, but you just can’t seem to move on from the past even though you’ve agreed to forget about it. It keeps bugging you in the back of your mind that no matter what he says, you weren’t good enough to make him want to stay with you when he had the chance. 

***

It doesn’t get better after that night. Harry stayed until after midnight, made sure you got into bed and told you he’ll check in on you the next day. And so he did. 

You felt guilty for loading all of it on Harry, so you decided it was the last time you ever talked about Marcus or your love life in general with him. You easily made yourself believe that he didn’t really care about it and he just listened to you because he was trying to be nice. It seemed the best to just try and forget about it all. 

For a while you were contemplating breaking up with Marcus, but you didn’t have the strength to do it, telling yourself you have to give it another chance and some more patience. However it’s ending up to be quite draining, you gotta admit, but you are starting to get used to feeling numb every day.

Rosa invites you over, because she went through her closet and found some stuff she thought you’d like, so you head over not long after you get home from work. She mentioned that Harry would be over watching some kind of football game with Steven, so you are not surprised to see his car parking on their driveway.

“Hi guys!” you greet them when Rosa lets you in, the game is already on so they just wave in your way, intently watching the TV.

“Come on, I have everything in the bedroom,” Rosa nods in your way and you follow her upstairs. Valerie greets you with a loud shriek as you walk in, she is sitting in her crib, surrounded with a bunch of toys, seemingly having a great time.

“Hi there, Princess!” you coo at her, caressing her cheek before you sit on the edge of the bed that’s filled with piles of clothes. “What’s the big sorting?” you ask, grabbing a cardigan and taking a look at it.

“I just have way too much stuff, can’t fit new stuff into my wardrobe, so I needed to sort it all out.”

The two of you go through everything and just catch up while you try on what you like. At the end, you are just sitting on the bed playing with Valerie. You can tell there’s something Rosa wants to share, but she seems reserved about saying it out loud.

“So, the other day we were talking with Steven about how crazy it is that Val is over one year old,” she starts, eyes glued to the little girl, handing her another building block as Valerie works on… whatever it’s going to be when it's finished.

“Yeah, that’s what we talked about with Harry after her birthday dinner. Makes us feel old,” you chuckle.

“Exactly,” she sighs chuckling. “So then we talked about, maybe… having another kid sometime soon.”

You perk up and looking at Rosa you see the shy smile on her lips and you gasp, but she shakes her head.

“I’m not pregnant,” she assures you, but then adds: “Not yet.”

“Oh my God, so you’re trying for another baby?” you whisper, even though there’s no chance of the guys hearing the two of you. You can hear the sound of the TV up here, they have no clue what you’re talking about.

“I mean, it can take some time, so we thought we could… start now.”

“That’s fantastic!” you breathe out, truly happy for your sister. You just know Valerie will be such a good big sister. “Val, you want a baby sister or baby brother?” you ask her and she looks at you with a serious expression, holding out one of the blocks.

“Baba!” she exclaims.

“Yes, baba!” you chuckle. She’s been learning kind of real words lately and it won’t take too long before she’ll be bossing around everyone in the house.

When it’s getting late you pack the clothes you choose and head down to leave. The guys are still on the couch, but Harry’s head perks up when he hears your footsteps.

“You want me to give you a ride?”

“Um, I’m fine, don’t want to bother you while the game is on.”

“It’s ending in five. If you can wait a little it’s alright.”

“Okay,” you nod smiling so instead of going to the front door you stop in the kitchen to wait for Harry.

Rosa puts Valerie into her high chair and gets a banana for her while you check your phone just when Marcus calls you. Hesitantly, but you answer it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hi, just wanted to check in if the weekend is still on.”

“Uh, sure. It is.”

“Great. I’ll have to check again with my boss, but I think I’ll be able to pick you up.”

“Great. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, babe.”

The call ends and you find yourself facing a curious looking Rosa on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Marcus?” she asks and you nod. “How are things going?” You’ve only mentioned it to her that it’s been hard between the two of you, but you definitely didn’t go into details. Harry was the first and last person to hear the whole story.

“Um… neutral, I guess?”

“That doesn’t sound promising.”

“I know, but I’m just trying to figure it out. We are spending the weekend together, I hope it’ll help us to get a little more… settled? I guess, I don’t know,” you stammer, nervously fidgeting with your phone in your hands. 

“That’s nice, was it his idea?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s good to know that Marcus is making the right attempts to smooth things out.”

“Attempts?” Harry’s voice makes both of you look in his way as he stands at the door, seemingly confused about what he just heard. “You’re still with Marcus?”

“Harry, I…”

“No, don’t try to explain it. I thought I talked sense into you last time.” He is clearly pissed, not holding back how upset he is to get the news that you are still dating Marcus. But on the other hand you can also feel yourself getting angry how he tries to control your life.

“You did, but I never said I’ll break things off with him.”

“Well, it surely sounded like you made up your mind,” he huffs.

“Well, I didn’t,” you scoff, crossing your arms on your chest.

“What the fuck, Y/N! You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” he snaps gesturing in your way. “I thought we were over this!”

“We? What do you mean we?” you grimace and now you are raising your voice as well. “Harry, there’s no we! This is my relationship and it’s nice that you care, but you can’t tell me what to do!”

Harry is vivid. He needs everything in him not to burst right then and there and for a moment you think he’s gonna just explode. But when he speaks up again his voice is quiet, however you can feel all the anger and frustration behind it.

“Get in the car, we’re leaving.”

“What?”

“Get in the fucking car, Y/N!” he barks making you jump. Rosa and Steven, who arrived to the kitchen in the middle of this madness, are just watching the scene unfold, completely unable to even say a word.

Slowly, you slide off the stool and grabbing the bag filled with clothes you turn to Rosa.

“Thanks for… these,” you mumble before walking out, Harry following you right behind. 

Nothing is said as the two of you get into the car, Harry is clearly on the verge of anger outburst, but you’re pretty upset yourself. The drive back to your place is painfully quiet, but you can’t stop staring at his hands gripping the wheel. HIs fingers and knuckles are turning white from the way he is basically crushing the wheel in his hold. You wouldn’t be surprised if it had his grip’s imprint on it by the time you arrive to your building. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he snaps once the car is parked.

“Would you stop pretending like you have a saying in what I do?”

“I do have a saying in it! Because when you break again I’ll be the one picking you up from the ground!”

“Well, sorry it’s such an inconvenience to be my friend. But don’t worry, I won’t come to you again,” you snap back with a grimace and try to open the door, but it’s locked. “Let me out, Harry!”

“Fuck no, not until we talk about this,” he scoffs and it’s the last straw for you.

“There’s nothing to talk about! It’s none of your business, Harry! Stop pretending like you care!”

“I do care!” he shouts back so forcefully you are taken aback, sinking into your seat. “Of course I fucking care! How would I not?! I care about you so fucking much, how do you not see it?!”

At this point, you’re certain Harry has lost all self control and he is about to load he has been holding back out on you, while you’re just sitting there, staring at him completely speechless over how his whole being is filled with anger and fury.

“Stop fucking telling me that I don’t care when all I think about is you! Every damn day! I can’t fucking stop thinking about you, because every time my mind snaps right back to you when I’m trying to think about something else! Do you know how fucking painful it is?! See you fucking waste your time with that dickhead when I want to be with you?!”

Eyes widened you forget to even breathe as the words leave his lips and soon enough realization hits him hard about what he just said. His chest is violently waving, eyes staring straight ahead. Next time he speaks up the shouting is over, he is clearly shocked at his own behavior.

“Y/N, I-- what you told me last time, about ending up alone, that wasn’t the first time you told me all of that.”

“What?” you gasp.

“You broke down the same way at the wedding. Told me all about how you think you are just simply unlovable and will probably die alone.” His eyes snap down at his hands on his lap as he continues. “I was shocked how you’d ever think that way about yourself, because I was… I was already falling in love with you and I barely just met you that night. I couldn’t imagine what happened to you that made you believe that nonsense. I never felt like that with anyone else before and it was so fucking scary. Every time you looked at me or touched me, I could feel… the sparks. The fucking sparks, Y/N,” he lets out a bitter chuckle. “I never believed in that, but you made me feel that way. Then… one thing happened after the other and we were up in my room. I saw the way you looked at me, like I was your fucking everything and I have never experienced that. You fell asleep in my arms and I told myself that this is exactly how I want to spend the rest of my life.”

Tears roll down your cheeks as you listen in complete shock as Harry is still avoiding to look at you.

“I wanted to be the person who shows you how lovable and amazing you are, how worthy you are to be loved. Like I found my mission all of a sudden.”

“Then what the fuck happened in the morning?” you ask choking out the words. Harry finally turns to face you and you see his watery eyes. He was crying.

“You fell asleep and I was just watching you… and I realized that… sooner or later I would do something to hurt you. Because that’s what I always do and I didn’t want that. You didn’t deserve that, but I just knew I won’t be able to give you what you wanted and needed. And you told me all about how you just want to be loved and… I didn’t want to disappoint you in any way.”

He rubs his eyes turning back to look straight ahead and you see his lips tremble before he speaks up again. 

“I said all those stuff so you’d have a reason to hate me and you wouldn’t try to stay with me.”

“This is literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you chuckle bitterly as the tears keep rolling down your cheeks. “Do you have any idea how fucking horrible I felt after that? I felt so ashamed for fucking weeks, Harry!”

“I-I know. I mean, I figured.”

“You made me feel unwanted and dirty, it took me so long to build my confidence back and be able to think of myself as more than just some used rug that was thrown out!”

Harry sits there in complete silence and just lets you load everything out on him, because he knows that’s what he deserves. He has tried to punish himself in so many different ways for what he did to you, but he knew he had to face you someday. Now the time has come and he is done trying to run away from the consequences of his actions in the past.

“I was blaming myself all this time, thinking that I must have done something wrong, when in reality it was you! It was fucking you!”

“I know, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean it to end like this.”

“You didn’t mean it to end like this?” you snap. “You literally continued to treat me like shit for years! If it wasn’t for Valerie, you’d still be a complete dick to me! And what was your intention with this now, huh? Why did you tell me all of this now?!”

“Because I couldn’t stop… seeing you be so unhappy with someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you in any way. I’m selfish and I realized that I made a mistake, but I now know what I should have done, because…” He finally turns to face you again, you see a tear roll down his cheek as he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I love you. I love you, Y/N, and I’m fucking done pretending like I don’t.”

You stare back at him, breath caught in your throat and it’s the breaking point. You reach over to his side and unlock the doors so you can open yours and you jump out of the car wanting to get as far away from him as possible. He can’t just throw all of this on you after everything the two of you went through, that’s not how it works. Does he even mean it? How are you supposed to believe him after years of hatred?

You try to get inside the building, but he is quick to catch up with you, he grabs your upper arm and pulls back, but you yank his hold away. 

“Where are you going?!” he snaps towering above you.

“Home. And don’t fucking touch me!”

“But I literally just told you I love you, you’re not gonna say anything about that?”

At first you plan on not even answering, you make your way towards the door, but then you change your mind. Turning around you unload on him once again.

“You don’t have the right to tell me you love me! Not after all the shit I took from you! How am I supposed to believe it when you literally made me feel like shit for all these years, saying the meanest stuff to me every damn time we met! I was avoiding you like the plague because I can’t even count how many times you made me cry calling me names and treating me so fucking horrible! No, you are not just gonna waltz in here, tell me that I have to break up with my boyfriend because you’ve been in love with me all along. I don’t fucking believe you, Harry. So stay the fuck away from me,” you tell him and push your way inside. This time he doesn’t follow.

By the time you reach your front you’re sobbing, barely seeing from your own tears. With shaking hands you unlock the door and get inside shutting the door behind you before you collapse on the floor. 

Harry lives in delusion if he thinks he can just unload all of this on you and make everything right magically. Not after more than three years of the shit you took from him. How are you supposed to believe that he is telling the truth? If he loved you all along, how could he treat you like that? That’s not what love should feel like. All those countless times when you came home after seeing him and you couldn’t help but cry after some of his meanest comments… and now he is trying to make you believe he did it all to protect you from him? Bullshit.

It doesn’t work like that and now he is gonna have to face the consequences of his actions. 

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[baby-iloveyou]

A.C.E comforting you when you're afraid of failing your exams

This is my first ever requested piece!! A.C.E are very dear to my heart and I actually have been quite busy myself with university, so this was lovely to write about. I hope you enjoy it too :)

Also, I kept the reader genderneutral as I'd like to be inclusive + I'm more comfortable with it myself. The roles that the boys have in your life are (except Junhee) also up to your own interpretation!

Original ask:

Junhee

“Hey, how is it going? I miss you a lot”, the text on your lit-up screen reads. You were trying to focus on studying, but it was not going well. You locked your phone, promising him (in your mind) that you’d respond to his texts after summarising this chapter. But a few minutes later the screen lit up again. “Baaaaaaaabeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy” You sighed, thinking to yourself you wouldn’t get anything either way and unlocked your phone. “Bad, I’m preparing for exams but I’ll never be able to memorise all of this :(“, you replied.

Only seconds later, Junhee called you. “Hey Junhee-” You couldn’t finish greeting him as he was already screaming affirmations through the phone. “You are amazing, I believe in you, you’ve done this before and you can do it again!” It made you feel slightly guilty, since you didn’t believe all these things yourself. You could feel tears pricking in your eyes, and a soft sob escaped your mouth. This made him even more worried. “Hey, it’s okay to feel like this. Sssh, it will be okay, I promise.” Hearing the voice of your boyfriend, even if it’s through the phone, was very comforting. “I’m just scared Junhee, what if I fail? What do I do then?” You tried to hold in the sobs, but some came through despite your attempts. “Let’s not think about the if’s and the what then’s, okay? You will do just fine. Try focusing on what you’re studying right now and not think about the future.” He paused before continuing. “And even if it doesn’t go as planned, we’ll figure out a way to fix it. There’s multiple ways to reach Rome in the end.”

He might not have seen your face, but he would’ve smiled if he saw your small smile.

Donghun

“God, I hate exams so much! Why do they have to be this stressful?!” You scream out while pushing yourself away from the table. Your hands reach for your face, trying to hide the tears that start falling down. Donghun, who was sitting next to you, looks in your direction and puts his hand on your shoulder. You can feel his thumb drawing circles on your shoulder. Although he says nothing at first, the small gesture already means a lot to you.

“You know… Even though I will help you and get you through this… Grades aren’t everything. They don’t define your worth or you as a person. Remember that, okay?” You look up at him, with puffy eyes from crying. “I’m just very anxious about everything…” Donghun continues drawing little circles on your shoulder as he says: “I understand. But you will get through this, you’re so incredibly strong. You got this.” And a little smile appeared on his face. It made you feel at peace.

“Hug? And then we’ll continue studying.”

Sehyoon

“Are you okay? You’re completely tensed-up.” You couldn’t enjoy your weekly movie night with Sehyoon, since you were completely loaded with work and still had so much to do. You felt guilty for taking time off for yourself, to actually enjoy something. His remark was the thing that tipped you over the edge. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

“...And I also feel guilty now for involving you in my work and making you feel worried about me and I just… I’m so sorry, I’m a mess.” You managed to get out in between sobs. Sehyoon’s eyes were softly gazing at you, worried and filled with empathy. “It’s alright, you can cry and be a mess. That’s why I’m here!” He pulled you into his chest and softly patted your back a few times. You were sure he could feel your smile on his chest.

“You’ll be alright. I just know you can do it.”

Byeongkwan

Frustrated from not being able to understand such a simple subject, you groaned as you heard the doorbell ring. Reluctantly you walked over to the door, only to be greeted by Byeongkwan. Your grumpy face turned into a face of shock, realising the day and the time it was currently. “Hey, are you ready to go to dance class?” Byeongkwan asked. “Crap, I completely forgot about the time Kwan, I’m so sorry, I’ve just been studying and I feel like crap because I can’t figure out the stupid formula and all the text is just confusing me and-” You were interrupted by Byeongkwan, who cupped your cheeks and held his thumb on your lips to shush you.

“Should we skip dance class today? I’ll send a message that we will be absent and I can try and help you with your work if that’s what you prefer.” His soft tone made you feel at ease, showing that he cared. His thumb was still on your lips, so the only thing you could do was nod. He removed his hands from your face, and said: “Let’s go inside then, let’s show your exams who’s the boss.”

His presence and help calmed you down, and in no time you were able to concentrate again and it made you feel more confident in your ability to pass.

Chan

The feelings of both guilt and pride filled up your body as you set foot in the studio for Chan’s newest K-Drama recording. You were incredibly proud of him for getting even more acting gigs, but you were also very aware that you were supposed to be studying your ass off right now. But you could use a distraction from the hellish exams that were coming up. You needed some of Chan’s laughter ringing in your ears to cheer you up.

“Y/N! What a pleasant surprise, I didn’t know you would visit me!” Chan walked up to you and gave you a hug. You probably hugged him for too long, cause the moment you got out of his embrace, he asked: “What’s going on?”, while a worried expression appeared on his face. He knew something was up with you, and knowing him, he would not let it go until you told him. “I’m just terrified of my upcoming exams… I really don’t think I’ll pass them, Chan…” Your gaze dropped to the floor, escaping Chan’s attentive eyes. He grabbed your shoulders softly, but still with enough force to slightly shake you. “You will do just fine. Do you know why? Because I believe in you. And you should believe in yourself too. Okay?” Once you lifted your head to look into his eyes, you could see his lids fluttering, waiting for your response.

“Thanks Chan.” Your pout slowly turned into a smile. Chan brightly smiled at you. “You can do it!!” He said while aggressively shaking your body, followed by his iconic laugh. That laugh is what truly made you feel better.

[lustbile-archive]

In The Cards

HaechanxReader

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary/Warning: Smut. Best friend Haechan wants you to read his tarot :( warning! very beginner tarot knowledge. all card interpretations found on the app golden tarot

Request: can i request a bestfriend-to-lovers hyuck where he and the reader share their first time together?

This is the third installment of my week of halloween fics. Info about possible blurb night here

“Please?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s weird.”

“How is it weird?”

“Haechan seriously,” you finally turn to face him as you lay side by side on your bed, the pout and puppy eyes he wears on his face the exact thing you had feared to see as you knew he had his ways of convincing you no matter what, “you’re asking me to do a reading on your love life.”

“And how is that weird?” his voice pitches as he turns to mirror you, now with you both on your sides and your phones tucked under your respective pillows you have no choice but to stare into his warm eyes. His body is dramatically lax as he relaxes into the mattress, already ready to toss his body around obnoxiously if you decide to deny him again.

“You’re my best friend dude, it would be weird to see what the cards say about your possible romantic activities,” you were somewhat telling the truth. Yes, you thought it would be kind of weird to see what your cards had to say about his love life, the idea being weirdly intimate for you, but you also knew that there was a small part of you, an evil yet insecure little gremlin that had made a home in your heart a few months before, that would take whatever they say directly to heart. You never anticipated forming romantic feelings for the boy in front of you, actually when you and Haechan had first started getting close you stubbornly denied that something like that happening was possible, yet here you were stupidly infatuated with the boy who lays in your bed wrapped warmly in a worn hoodie with your heart trapped between his teeth, “that and I’m not even that good at doing readings yet.”

“An even better reason to do it,” he sits up with a jolt of energy making you return to your place on your back to watch him, “so even if you do my reading, like you said you’re not that experienced so we won’t take what they say to heart right? It can just be for fun.”

Your eyes squint in disbelief as you try to read the look on his face. Regardless of his words, you know it wouldn’t just be for fun. Haechan had made it kind of obvious on the few occasions that tarot readings, and things related to things of that nature, were brought up, that he truly did believe it. Haechan had a whimsy about him, a belief and willingness to believe in things outside of himself, things he couldn’t really explain, and usually you’d find it incredibly endearing, but now it just helped in raising your stress levels.

“Come on dude,” his head tilts back and his face scrunches as he tries to convince you, his determination unfortunately making a smile start to pull onto your lips, “I’m bored and the ambiance is way too sexy right now for us to not do some witchy shit.”

Again, like always, he was unfortunately right. It was late into the night, nearing 3 am, and a storm raged loudly outside. The storm being the exact thing that had locked Haechan in your room to begin with as it had knocked your power out an hour or so before the time he was meant to leave, so he had decided to stay instead. He had claimed it was because he didn’t want to bother with traveling in the storm, but you could easily pick out the softness behind his eyes when you casually mentioned not wanting to be alone in the dark.

Along with the steady storm, you had also gathered your collection of candles and scattered them lit around the room, that and the quiet sounds of Florence + The Machine and Fleetwood Mac playing from the small speakers connected to your phone only supported Haechan’s argument. You two had perfectly crafted the perfect atmosphere to ask questions to some other force, and you can’t help but kick yourself for putting yourself in such a position.

“Okay fine,” you finally respond hesitantly, a grimace on your face and you move to sit up as well. You hate the way your chest tightens at his reaction to your words, an excited jump bouncing him in the air as he leans over to the table you keep to the side of your bed. The idea that he just knows exactly where you keep your things dances tauntingly in your mind and you angrily push it down as you move to sit facing him with your legs crossed underneath you.

“Found ‘em,” he whispers as he rifles through the drawer, a quiet triumphant noise squeaking from his chest as he moves to sit back in front of you, mirroring the way you sit with a smug grin on his face.

“Shuffle them a couple times for me,” you say, motioning to the deck in his hands, and he does so immediately. His fingers work slowly and gently, the fear of damaging the deck floating around his form. He splits it a few times, shuffling them together in a neat stack before he hands them to you like a devious cat happily offering their owner a dead mouse, and you smile softly at his consideration for your things.

“I’m only gonna do a three card pull okay? Past, present, and future okay?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s cool,” he nods excitedly as he shifts around where he sits, his anticipation slowly gaining on him, “I’m cool with whatever.”

“Okay give me a question to ask while I shuffle,” you command, your hands holding the deck as you get ready to shuffle, “it can be as detailed or vague as you want, the cards should understand what we're asking.”

“I just wanna know…’’ he hesitates for a moment, his lips caught between his lips as he thinks, “love life I-.... hm… I guess I want to ask it to show me the path my love life will take.”

You only nod in response before your eyes fall closed. Your heart beat picks up and your hands shake slightly in your nervousness, but regardless you begin to repeat the question in your mind as your hands begin to move. ‘Show me the path of Donghyuck’s love life’ you speak to your cards as they dance between your fingers, your hands much more rough than Haechan’s.

His breathing is almost deafening as it's the only human sound that hits you as you work, and you hear it catch when your hands stop moving.

Your eyes open again, and with a deep breath you lean forward to spread the cards out in front of him in the shape of a fan, “pick three and put them in my hand,” you command again with your hand held out flat, “whichever three speak to you.”

“Okay,” he whispers, his fingers moving to hover over the cards and the way he holds himself he looks as if you’ve just asked him to take a standardized test. He jolts slightly before grabbing the card below his hand, and it's quickly placed on your palm. His reaction when picking the other two are not much different, and after a minute or two you have all three cards and you’re gently collecting and setting the remaining cards to the side.

“Okay,” you start as you shift to get in a more comfortable position, “we’ll start with past.”

He nods as you move to lay down the first card you were handed, the card revealing itself to be The Lovers, their naked bodies and the angel that lives behind them almost taunting you and making you tongue stick dryly to the roof of your mouth.

“Okay..” you trail off as you glance at the boy in front of you, his eyes going slightly wild at the sight of the card in front of him, “now present.”

Wanting to get out of the situation as quickly as possible, you lay the next card down, and before you now lay the two of cups. Another pairing of people to stare as you squirm.

“Finally,” you huff moving to lay down the last card, “future.”

With a soft thud, you place the card down, the naked woman that floats in the center of The World card is impossible to ignore. Haechan hums quietly in consideration, his head bobbing slightly as his eyes move across the spread before him. He looks pensive for a moment when he looks up at you, until a playful grin takes over his features.

“What does any of this mean?” he asks with a laugh.

“Well,” you start moving to grab the book you keep next to your pillow that hold the different descriptions of the cards, scolding yourself for still not having them memorized, “none of them are reversed so that that as a good sign, and none of them are The Tower so you’re not doomed to die alone I suppose.”

He laughs again as he watches you flip through the book, your eyebrows knitted together as you search for the first card.

“Okay so, your past is The lovers,” you start, one hand resting on top of the card as your eyes shift around the page, “it represents partnership, union, duality, and choice. This says it means a union of harmony, full of trust, confidence and strength, This relationship both a physical attraction and a deep emotional bond between them.”

You stutter slightly as you read, your eyes darting up to gage his reaction once the words leave your mouth, his face is soft but serious as he thinks, and you can’t help but get overwhelmed by the look.

“Okay, and then present,” you hand shifts to the Two of Cups while your other hand flips to the correct page, “this card means unity, partnership and two become one…” you trail off slightly, hoping Haechan only assumes it’s from you trying to read the page and not for the real reason that is the words in front of you makes you heart beat harshly against your chest, “signaling a union and partnership of balance, honor, and respect, The ancient symbol of the caduceus also suggests energy, passion, and sex, and the intermingling of opposite forces.”

“Oh,” he responds involuntarily as he absorbs the words you speak, and you can only wish that you could crawl into his mind and see exactly what he’s thinking.

“Okay and lastly, your future,” you shift again, your previous position suddenly not feeling comfortable anymore, “The World card represents fulfillment, harmony, and completion. It says, absolute unity, perfection, accomplishment that draws from inner and outer sources. This card signals the harmony of the inner and outer worlds, and reaching a level of enlightenment. An era of one's life is complete and there is joy and celebration that is coming to welcome it.”

With a soft smacking noise, you shut the book and place it back to its spot next to your pillow. Your words still linger in the air with a tension wrapped around them, and in your desperation to avoid Haechan’s eyes you begin to return the cards to the deck, a silent thank you being spoken in your mind as you thank them for their knowledge.

“So what do you think about that?” he asks, his voice softer than earlier, the tone making your eyes dart up to try and read the emotion on his face.

“It’s not about what I think Hyuck…” you place the hair tie that lives on your wrist around the deck to secure it and place it on top of the book, and when your done you lean back onto the palms of your hands to survey his body language while also creating more distance between you, “it was your reading so it’s your interpretation, what did that tell you?”

The words come out like you’re trying to cough up years worth of chewed gum and the way they clog your throat makes you feel weird. It may be up to his interpretation, but you can’t stop the way the cards and their meanings make you feel as they wrap a confusing combination of hope and terror around your fragile heart.

“I think,” he starts as he once again moves to mirror the way you sit, a soft but unsure smile on his face, “they told me exactly what I needed to hear.”

“And what was that Hyuck?”

“Well you know, the whole emphasis on partnership, and union, and choices. If anything i’m starting to think your cards like me a little bit cause they kind of told me exactly what I wanted to hear.”

“And what was it you wanted to hear Haechan?” you ask, his smugness and confidence making you laugh quietly.

“That I’m not putting my hope or my heart in the wrong place. I think it’s saying that I’m right in wanting the thing I want so badly.”

“Jeez Donghyuck,” you huff as you fall to lay back onto your side, a giddy feeling flooding you as he once again follows suit, “you speak in more riddles than the cards do.”

“Oh do you want me to tell you straight forward what those cards just told me?” he asks rhetorically as he lays close enough for his face to crowd you personal space, his breath occasionally hitting your skin.

“Well yeah, lay it on me Hyuck, what did those cards encourage you to do?”

“I’ll fucking lay it on you alright,” he doesn’t even give you the time to form the question in your mind of what he could possibly mean before he’s on the move. He’s on you before you can blink, his body pushing you onto your back and his hands landing against your bed next to your head and caging you in. Your body reacts before your mind does, and your hands are gripping his wrists and you legs are falling to the side to allow him to rest between your thighs, as he knocks the air from your lungs with his mouth pressing against yours.

You both let out matching hums in content at the feeling of each other’s lips. You’d call yourself a liar if you said you had never imagined what it would be like to kiss the boy that now rests on top of you, but no matter how many hours you had logged dreaming about the very moment, none of it prepared you for now.

He rests his body flush against yours as his lips work against yours, and there’s only a beat of time before his tongue is brushing against your bottom lip, begging for entrance.

You break away, the idea of him feeling the same way as you filling you with childish excitement and confidence, so much that you can’t stop yourself before you’re teasing, “so my cards told you to attack me?”

“Hush,” he pecks against your lips once before speaking again, “they told me I was completely in the right for being in love with my best friend, and that making a move would only end in happiness.”

“You’re in love with me?” you ask, those being the only words that stick in your mind, Your hands tighten around his wrists, and the skin of his face flushes in realization of what he said.

“Uh… yes,” his eyes are filled with his nerves as they lock onto yours. The internal debate he has with himself of wanting to tear his eyes away while being completely unable to is transparent and puts you at ease at the idea that he’s just as nervous as you, “I’m sorry if that’s really abrupt, but I really am.”

“Donghyuck,” you whisper, leaning up to nudge the tip of your nose against his, “I’m in love with you too.”

“Thank fuck,” he swears louder than intended, and you giggles of happiness is smothered by his lips latching to yours again.

There’s no asking this time as his tongue shoves its way into your mouth, and you let out a pleased groan when the moment he licks at the back of your teeth, his hips shift down and he begins to softly grind against the crotch of the thin fabric of your pajama shorts.

“Tell me,” he speaks between open-mouthed kisses that he places across you mouth and up your jaw, his words doing their own licking against the shell of your ear, “tell me if you want to stop, cause I don’t think I can.”

“I trust you Hyuck,” you whisper during the fleeting second that your mouth is free, “do whatever you want, I’m so in love with you.”

He groans loudly at the string of words that leave you, the noise cutting through and disrupting the smooth voice of Stevie Nicks and his body returns to rocking gently against yours.

Your hands trail away from his wrists, moving up his forearms and up until your fingers tangle in his hair. The slight tugging you give to his roots pulls another groan from his mouth, and the sparks of pleasure that hits your lower stomach at the sound combined with his hardening length pressing against you through the thick fabric of his sweatpants makes you feel like you could live in this moment forever.

You can feel your growing arousal spilling from you, the wetness making the fabric of your underwear stick to your skin, and at the feeling of him suddenly bumping gently against your clit makes you squeak as you hips begin meeting his thrusts with their own.

“Please,” you whimper out when his mouth latches onto the skin stretched over your jugular, “want it. Need you.”

“I’m gonna keep you up all night,” he growls the promise against your neck, “I have so much time to make up for.”

He sits up, a smile of pride on his face when you huff at the loss of him. You only get a few sounds of discontent out before his hands are grabbing at the fabric of your shorts, and shoving them down your legs, your ruined underwear following. The fabric is tossed behind his shoulder, and in his impatience, his hands are rough as they grab at your thighs. He pulls you, bringing you down the bed to be closer to him, before he’s pushing his own pants down to bunch at his hips, his tip brushing against you and making you jump as he slaps against his stomach.

You squirm as he returns to his place flush against you, both at the sudden feeling of the room’s air hitting your damp skin and the way his length glides against you. You can feel your arousal smearing against him, and in your desperation, you’re grabbing his face and pulling back down to meet your lips again.

Laying there, pressed as tightly together as you can be with your mouths devouring the other’s, you feel him reach between your bodies. His fingers only take a moment to dip into you, gathering your wetness on his fingers, before he’s using it to coat his length more than it already is.

He pulls at himself a few times, the moans he lets out at the friction being swallowed by you, before he’s pressing into you without warning.

The stretch and the idea of your best friend being the one that is so suddenly fucking into you has you reeling. You feel overtaken by the feeling of whiplash, and as he pushes into you inch by inch, you let out a moan that lived deep in your belly.

He pauses when he’s fully inside of you, the depth that he reaches as the girth of him making your eyes begin to roll wildly and before you can catch your breath his hips are retreating.

His pace is rough. He’s slow, and he doesn’t pull but a few inches out, but every time he returns to your body, it's a harsh thrust that knocks the air from your lungs.

It’s not long before you feel overwhelmed, the way the cozy heat from the candles and the thick fabric of his clothes as they brush against you licks at your skin and sinks you into the mattress. His mouth refuses to separate from yours, and his thrusts are consistent and unrelenting.

You’re sure you’ve never felt more held in your life as your wrapped up with your best friend, one of his hands moving to hold the side of your face while the other travels down to play with the sensitive nerves of your clit. The gentle way his hands move against you contrasted by the rough way he fucks into you has you clinging desperately to his hoodie as warm tears well up in your eyes.

One of your hands moves down as you get closer, your nails digging into the fabric that covers his ass as you desperately try to pull him closer than he already was. This and the way your hips start bucking against him makes him groan as you two get tangled in your sheets.

You feel the tingling warning of your orgasm running up your spine, a crackling moan feeding into his mouth from yours and the way you softly clench around him being his only warning before you come with a cry.

His hips stutter as he follows quickly behind, a very similar sound of bliss slipping from his mouth as you two begin to shake against each other.

You feel like you’ve been sewn into his skin as you twitch together with aftershocks, him equally as unwilling to separate his body from yours. Once he pulls his hand from between your bodies, his arms wrap tightly around your waist, and he pulls you tightly into his chest as he lays his full weight on you, and you legs wrap around him as you refuse to let him slip out of you.

“We’re going again in a minute,” his voice rasps as he presses his face into your shoulder, his nose nuzzling against the skin.

“Really?” You ask with a laugh as your hands return to their job of running through his hair.

“Yes I just need a minute,” he promises, and you shiver as his hips start to shift already without him even thinking, “it’s what your cards would have wanted.”