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thecameronchronicles · 2 years

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Scream For Me

TW: Dark Rafe! Language. Degrading language. Smut. Violence. Slight blood kink.

!THIS PIECE CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF STALKER AND SOCIOPATHIC/PSYCHOPATHIC BEHAVIORS. PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH FIRST!

SUMMARY: When Rafe sets his sights on you, you have no choice but to submit…

WORD COUNT: 2400

*Requested*

Scream For Me

Rafe Cameron always got what he wanted and you were no exception. For reasons he couldn't understand fully himself, you had fascinated him to such a degree that you became an obsession. He needed to know everything he could about you as you were an enigma to Pogues and Kooks alike for your recent move to the OBX. Somewhere between middle class and proper Kook status, you were the object of his desire, which you were about to learn was a most dangerous place to be…

Set before the television as you were often found on a Saturday night, your phone became incessant at your side. Broadcast with a number you didn't recognize, you set it to 'ignore' before finally blocking the number outright. Unlucky for you, the caller happened to know the number connected to the house, which forced you from the comfort of your rest as you had no choice but to answer. It humored you how you even had a landline at all as nobody else you knew could even tell you what they were, and yet, it allowed the caller the chance to finally reach you.

"What's your favorite scary movie?" A purposely but poorly veiled voice called as you rolled your eyes to the unoriginal line. Of all times of the year, October was most expected for calls like this. And since you had become bored with the same cliche movie set on broadcast over your TV, you decided to entertain the idea.

"Dora." You answered with a silent victory as the other end of the phone went silent. Realizing you had done the unexpected, you cut the line before moving into the kitchen and preparing yourself a snack. After shuffling for a moment through the cabinets, you ultimately decided on popcorn before hearing the phone ring again.

"Hello?" You asked, hoping it was a telemarketer or even one of your friends, but it was that same intentionally low voice, sinister in its own verbiage.

"I would have optioned for the chips instead…" Your skin chilled at his words as you turned behind you to notice how everyone in the window had been left open. It would have been easy for anyone in passing to see how you bypassed the Cheetos and Lays before deciding on the microwave popcorn. But with the echo of the beep having drawn your attention to the microwave, you realized that he had picked up on this and you were just being paranoid. You berated yourself temporarily for choosing to watch scary movies while being home alone.

"And which ones WOULD you have picked then?" You teased.

"If given the choice…" He hesitated for a moment as you were now back on the couch, curled at a comfortable angle with the phone to your ear, the popcorn in your lap, and the movie set on low in front of you.

"You sound good enough to eat…" You could hear his smile through his words as you didn't care to repress your scoff.

"Nah, I think I might be a bit tough for ya…"

"Not where I'm thinking…" Your eating slowed as your cheeks suddenly ran hot, "The most delicious part.. right between your legs…I bet it is all juicy for me right now isn't it-"

You cut the call again, this time, feeling the humor fade and the paranoia return. Even though all of the doors were locked and the security system had been engaged, you felt so vulnerable all alone in your house. Still somewhat new without any real knowledge of your neighborhood, especially at dark, you cuddled into a tighter fetal position as the phone rang again. Only this time, you let it ring.

Once.

Twice.

Three times before finally lifting it up to your ear again.

"I just want to talk…it's rude to hang up on people you know…"

"And what about what YOU said?"

"What? You've never been eaten out before? Never had your toes curl to someone's tongue? Bet you've never had someone's fingers curled inside you either-" Although you felt a pull to hang up, something demented within yourself, call it morbid curiosity, and you remained on the line.

"You could right now…I wouldn't tell anyone…" Again, you could hear his grin.

"Bet you sound as sweet as you look." You suddenly shot upwards, eyes darting to every window to find only darkness behind the shrubs that covered your house.

"Okay, I'm done. Very funny, whoever this is, but find someone a little less gullible-"

"You don't believe me? I'm looking at you right now…curled up on the couch with popcorn…looking for me…Even though you should be out on a Saturday night…"

"You just named the most vague details possible-"

"In those striped shorts and lacy top…I could see the dimples on your back as you reached for that popcorn and the pink polish on your toes right now…"

"What do you want?"

"To watch you-"

"Oh yeah? Well peep show's over, asshole!" You slammed the phone down on the table before rushing to the windows, pulling the curtains closed and moving to the direction of your bedroom before pulling yourself behind your door. Annoyed at how you left everything of use downstairs, you convinced yourself you were safe enough to retrieve it 'just in case' before ultimately descending those steps.

The sound of the phone ringing was enough to annoy you as you took hold of your cell and the landline, the consistent trilling giving you a headache.

"You call one more time and I'm calling the cops!" You charged as he only laughed on the other end of the line.

"Go ahead. They'll just have to come in the same way I did…" Your heart stopped.

"Everyone ALWAYS forgets to shut their garage doors…" He now ended the call as you rushed to the garage door leading into the house to find it unlocked.

Your mind began to race for any possible course of action. You considered opening the door before you and escaping just as he had entered, you considered lifting the phone to call for help, even begging or screaming. But you wouldn't be allowed the chance before a large hand suddenly came over your shoulder and rested on the door. But the sight of his signet ring in position on his pointer finger, a signature to himself, had sent his name from your lips.

"Rafe?"

"I always wondered how my name would sound coming from those perfect lips…" As you went to face him, he forced you against the door with hands to your hips and the supply of his own body for extra weight.

"What do you want?" You were flabbergasted that he wasn't only here but here like this. You didn't even think he knew your name, let alone your address, and now he had an erection hard into your back as his fingers rounded until falling at rest between your thighs.

"Rafe-"

"I wanna make you scream for me-" You pushed yourself off of the wall, surprising him and knocking him off kilter just enough to slip away. Without looking back, you pulled yourself to a sprint and managed to make it to the hallway leading to your bedroom before his foot came to the opening of the door just before you could close it. Using all of your might, he was at an unfair advantage against you as he towered over you with an athletic build and a sinister intimidation when all you had was your wits and fight-or-flight response.

"You come ANY closer and I'll scream-" He chuckled.

"Didn't you hear me? That's my intention…" You psyched a motion towards the bedroom door as he began to walk towards you before faking in the other direction, aware you were running out of time as he continued to inch closer.

"Whatever you think is going to happen, isn't! You'll never get to do the things you said! You're sick! You're a psycho!"

"Well now you're just stating my best qualities…" You took the risk of the sliver of space between him and the door, your legs too short and the space too far to do so successfully as you were in his arms. He lifted you effortlessly and tossed you onto the bed before straddling you in place.

"Before this night is over…you WILL submit to me…" He explained as you could only use your mouth against him. For this, you would spit, watching him take it with his hand and wipe it clean to his lips, sucking you from him.

"So sweet…" He smiled as your fave twisted in disgust, even if a part of your thighs clenched in how erotic it had been.

"You do anything to me and I'll scratch and bite and-" His hand was now on your jaw, pressing into your cheeks until they hollowed and leaving you in pain as he spoke against your ear.

"And you'll beg and moan too,sweetheart-" You tried to rebut before feeling him reach between your legs. The adrenaline from the exchange acted against the betrayal of your body as he made a single swipe over your shorts to tell how you were already wet.

"Dirty, desperate little slut, aren't you? Gonna let the big bad home invader stick his cock in your tight little pussy, yeah?"

"Get off of me-" To this, you were forced onto your stomach.

"It's so much sweeter when you fight it…" He smiled behind these words as he forced your head into the bed as you fought for freedom beneath him, his other hand working your shorts in temporary disdain before ultimately leaving you bare for him.

"Bet you're even sweeter here, aren't you? We already know how wet you are…how pathetically wet…" He smacked your ass as you gasped, more in surprise than arousal, but enough to garner his grimace to your reaction.

"Bet you like it from behind don't you? You like being bent over like a whore and used as a cum bucket? You like being slapped on the ass and told how good you feel? Or you like having your hair pulled and being told you're bad?" You didn't respond. Instead, you would continue to fight him. At every turn. At every attempt. No matter how your body reacted, you would fight him.

"That's okay…I'll just try it all-" Suddenly the force of his fingers were inside of you, set at a cruel pace as you gripped the sheets beneath you. Even if this terrified you, even if you hated him for it, your body shook in response to his touch, to his intentions, even to his cologne. And it was enough to stop fighting him temporarily as you were now at war with yourself.

"Nothing to say now, huh? My fingers feel too good, don't they? I haven't even curled them yet and you're already shaking…" You closed your eyes, fighting the pleasure as he laughed and moaned behind you, relishing in your struggle.

"What about now?" He asked, curling his digits into you with a chuckle as you gasped so sharply that everything else seemed silent afterwards. At least until he spoke.

Another slap to your ass and you were turned to face him. Only now when his fingers returned, they were on a mission for destruction. The pumps made were strictly to make you squirt as you belted beneath them, your body shaking in a complete forfeit of control as he grinned.

"See how greedy your pussy is? See how it needs my fingers like this? How you're swallowing them? Shit-see it?!" You would nod or fight him, you were instead transfixed on the sensations.

"Rafe! Please stop!"

"Not even you're so close…not until I've come inside you-"

"Please!" You belted as his fingers only quickened once more. He continued this as he would edge you, retreating just before you would feel the spillover of your release. It left you trembling and in a haze of strictly lust and depraved need before he turned you into your stomach again. Only now, taking a hard grip to your hair as he spoke.

"You're already pulsating?" He scoffed. "Impatient and needy…you're lucky I'm a good guy…or someone would take advantage of you…" He laughed before teasing you with his cock.

"You feel it? Huh? You feel how close it is?" He led it across your cunt, drawing your slick with him, before an abrupt penetration sent you forward. He didn't care for compassion or care, he didn't care for your release or your comfort.

Your headboard slammed into the wall as its metal squeaked and the mattress shifted, but he never faltered. Each cruel thrust and harsh pull of your hair and he was reaching closer to that edge.

"Beg for it you little slut…come on- '' He grunted at your back as a series of slaps to your ass that left you raw as he pulled your ass apart as you whimpered beneath him.

"You're acting like such a goddamn whore, but you're screaming like a fucking virgin-" He laughed.

"I'll make you come like one too…" Your eyes rolled as he pulled you into an arch.

"Tell me you want it. Beg me for it, bitch, come on!" He grunted, his motions proving sloppy as you knew he was close. You knew if you just waited that it would all be over. And yet a part of you didn't want it to be. A very twisted but curious part.

"Think I won't hurt you because I'm fucking you?" He pulled you to him, surprising you with a kiss before drawing blood by biting your lip.

"Next time I'll leave a scar somewhere everyone else sees. Now fucking Beg me for it and I'll let you come-"

"Rrr-Rafe!"

"Beg, bitch!" He pulled your hair one final time before he came, the waves of tremors pulling your own to the forefront as you would soak your sheets in the spray he allotted from the getgo. But once he was certain you were fucked, in every aspect, he withdrew and dressed.

He only wanted one thing only, and he got what he came for. After all, Rafe Cameron always got what he wanted…

Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @my-baexht-Is @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes

#rafecameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafecameron #outerbanks #obx #outer banks smut #outer banks

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khai-luvs-to-write · 1 year

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Compromises

[A/N] this was made based off of a comment I made on a different fanfic (good luck trying to find it >:) also spoiler alert this takes place after the students move into dorms

It's been about...a year since you first enrolled into U.A. and about eight months since you were transferred into Class 1A, and three or four months since you moved into the dorms, you think...you can't remember.

The past few months have been eventful, to say the least, with everything that went on with your class alone. Sometimes you sit and wonder why the LOV is targeting your class specifically, and not the entire school. But at the same time, if you hadn't enrolled and got yourself into this mess of a class(no offense), you wouldn't have had the chance to meet all these amazing people along the way. You've made so many friends in not only your class, but at U.A. in general.

Not to mention, you met the boy you believe to be the love of your life.

You and the representative of your class, your loving boyfriend, Tenya Iida have been dating for a while. If you had to be technical, you'd say about, four or five months, you guys have been together, with no breaks. And boy, these have been the best four or five months of your life. He always makes sure you feel cared for, and important, and always respects you and your boundaries.

Although in certain spots, you guys are total opposites. You prefer, no, enjoy PDA, while he prefers and enjoys to be affectionate in private. He prefers to be ahead of schedule and study later lessons, while you prefer to watch the same shows for who knows how many times in a row just for "the fun of it". He prefers to eat healthy snacks, while you prefer to see how many bags of buttered popcorn you can eat before your lips go numb, and your tongue starts to tingle.

(this does not mean he is immune to the junk food you bring in. you can buy two whole bags of hot cheetos and he'd scold you for it and you'd catch him snacking on it at one or two in the morning because he couldn't sleep.)

No matter how different your personalities are from each other, you guys aren't afraid to talk it out, and make it work. For example, sometimes you two can be a ways from home, and can't just leave, but you're feeling really tired and everything's just draining you more than it usually would. In previous conversations, you expressed how important affection is to you, in some situations, as it helps ground you in scenarios where you may begin to shut down, or break down, depending on the circumstances. With that being said, when you're in that kind of predicament, and he notices you begin to shut down, he'll grab your hand and lightly brush the back of it with his thumb, just to let you know he's still here, and bring you back "Down to Earth", if you will.

Another example of a compromise you two agreed on is about your grades, and your skills.

You were aware that your grades weren't too great, but you still tried your hardest...you can't say that you got the results you were looking for. Iida found this out when you began showing up to class late, sleeping in class, etc. Everyone in class noticed that you were off, and your demeanor changed. He was worried for your physical and mental wellbeing, so after class he pulled you aside and asked if you were doing alright, and you can tell him if you need anything. After the entire class and some of your friends outside 1A and/or the Hero Course, you finally cave and tell him what was wrong. Because your grades have drastically dropped, you've been staying up really late studying, and still got the same results. Now knowing this, he agreed to help you almost immediately. Understanding that the both of you prefer to have a consistent schedule (somewhat, sometimes you'd forget, or have no motivation altogether), you two would take time to study 3 subjects (one assignment per subject) one day, and work out, and train the occasional other.

And with training, comes finding a way to settle down after raising your adrenaline, and heart rate. Your favorite way to do so is to do one of those cheesy self care dates you see all over the internet. You understand that taking care of yourself is important, but sometimes you forget so you thought that if you turn it into a date, you'd be motivated to do it more often. Because of this, your new usual nightly routine with Iida consists of showering (not together you guys are in high school EW), getting in your pajamas, you both bought each other a set to match yours, so you guys usually go to bed matching, regardless of the fact that you guys don't sleep in the same room, skincare, "bubble fights" (you guys usually end up throwing suds at each other because either you or him put a fat blob of soap on the one's nose, and then the other makes a desperate attempt to get back at them for it, causing suds and water to go everywhere surrounding the two of you), brushing your teeth, doing your hair(regardless of length, or texture [says someone with 4c hair ;-;] if you so desire, or if you have any) walking you to your dorm because he refuses to let you walk him to his dorm, for some reason you forgot. One more embrace for the night, kisses on the forehead, exchanges of "Goodnights" and "I love yous", before going your separate ways, until you inevitably see each other in the morning.

I don't know if this counted as a drabble, I just put my thoughts into a document lol would this be considered a drabble, or just a list of headcannons with extended bullet points?

Let me know what you guys prefer! Put in some requests!

1,018 words, including both author's notes.

#tenya iida x reader #my hero academia #iida x reader #tenya x reader #iida fluff #bnha fluff #bnha x gender neutral reader #mha drabbles #the love i have for this man oh my gosh #khai.writes #is this considered a drabble?#i should also tell you guys that I did post this on Wattpad #under my own account..this wasn't stolen lol

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antifoodie83 · 2 months

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trigger/binge foods:

peanut butter oreo cookies

chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies

hot fries

flaming hot popcorn

coke a cola

breakfast sandwiches

Gatorade

hot Cheetos

restaurants to avoid:

cheba hut

panera

chick-fil-a

starbucks

Wendy's

stripes

theres a lot more i wont eat but these are just the things i have to actively avoid

#tw ana diary #i want to ⭐️ve #tw restrictive ed #ana bllog #disordered eating thoughts #tw ana rant #ana rant #ana trigger #tw ed diet #4n0r3xia #ed bullshit

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campwillowpeak · 1 year

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What can I get for $600? I mean I do have $1000, but I'm saving that for an endless supply of hot Cheetos, ramen and smart food popcorn.

You can get my fucked up heels and a twizzler

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zz-chikorita · 1 year

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I love your Jolly Rogers series! I was wondering, what are everyones' favourite junkfood in your series? Guzma, Leon, Plumeria, anyone else you wanna mention- is anyone super into chocolate, or sour candy, or gummy worms or something like that?

I'm glad you like the story! It brings me so much joy to know others are invested in it, too!

This is a fun ask! Let me think...

Guzma definitely has a sweet tooth, specifically for chocolate (which would make sense since he loves hot cocoa). He hoards a lot of snacks in his room, mostly out of habit since he'd cache food when he was younger in case his dad decided to just not feed him for a few days. Anyways, chocolate is by far his favorite treat and I think 3 musketeers and KitKats are his favorite. For hoarding purposes, he'd tend to keep M&Ms since they're less likely to get squished and melted.

Plumeria really loves gummies. Any kind is good, but those sour watermelon gummies? That's the good shit. She also likes the tropical flavored gummies and would be into hi-chew and mamba. Something she can just pop in and suck on/chew while working or reading.

Leon is a salty snacker. He likes crisps and cheese wotsits (chips and cheeto-like snacks, for the Unovans out there). Guinness crisps specifically are one of his favorites. Since he arrived in Alola, he found a new snack! He's not sure if he's seen them in Galar before, but he bought himself a bag of Takis and loved it. He's just a little obsessed and has consumed definitely not an unhealthy amount of them since he got there.

More characters under cut:

Hop likes crisps like his brother.

Moon likes slushes, popsicles, shaved ice, anything cold and icy basically.

Do I really have to say what Hau's favorite is?

Gladion doesn't eat junk food. Or so he says. He loves gummy bears.

A. and B. like Doritos. They argue whether nacho cheese or cool ranch is better.

Kalani likes some classic spam musubi, but he also has a sweet tooth for ice cream.

Molayne's favorite are marshmallow rice krispie treats.

Golisopod has the bad habit of snacking on whatever his trainer happens to have. Buttered popcorn is his favorite.

#ask and ye shall receive #ask zz c #what with the hcs an such #guzma #plumeria #pokemon leon #this was a fun one to think about!

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casgirldykery4ever · 1 year

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so much happening. at least I have flamin hot cheetos popcorn for free

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otrtbs · 2 years

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Ok I'm done with the heartbreaking questions! Let's ask something fun! What's our boys favorite snacks? And by boys, I mean Sirius, Regulus, James and Sirius lol

Ahh i love this okay

Regulus is going to ask you if coffee counts as a snack he’s gonna stick with coffee but he’s also a really big fan of orange muffins!! Oh and he loves blackberries to the point where he has no self control and eats SO MANY his mouth and fingers will be stained purple HA

Remus’ favourite food in the world is probably a pain au chocolat (a chocolatine) in my mind BUT IT HAS TO BE WARM SO ALL THE CHOCOLATE IS MELTY AND GOOEY idk why but I think he’s a slut for flakey buttery bread and chocolate like ,,, lethal combo (he also loves hot chocolate like more than than anything but it can’t be made with water it has to be good and thick)

In my head Sirius loves cherries! Not the maraschino cherries tho bc they’re too sweet!! They have to be the regular cherries!! He can also tie the cherry stem into a knot with his tongue (he practiced for DAYS)

James loves popcorn! Idk why but in my head he is a popcorn enthusiast, specifically caramel popcorn. He thinks it’s a gift straight from the Gods and he will shovel in handfuls at a time. Also he loves any hot/spicy chip even though he’s very dramatic when eating them and can’t handle the spice really, he views eating them as a challenge that he has to win (can’t let the hot Cheetos beat him yk?) and therefore won’t stop eating them HA.

#asks #ramblings

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toquegirl · 2 years

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Popo

It’s been two weeks since you passed away, and I’m thankful that the reason I’m hurting is that we were close enough for me to feel the gap now that you’re gone. I’m not going to try to “get over” you, but I am going to sit in this space of grief, mold it and shape it, and make a special spot in my heart for you. I’m going to leave room for others who love me to come in and fill other parts, but I realise that no one will ever replace you, my feisty roommate.

I was born when you already retired, and for almost 18 years I only saw you when you dragged us to Chinese banquets where we were the only ones who didn’t know Cantonese. We would gather for dim sum once a month - just cause - and for Swiss Chalet for birthdays. You were the grandma who would pat my cheek, say hi, and then leave go play mah jong with your friends after you paid for our meal. You never babysat us because my parents were worried that you’d feed us things with peanuts.

The moments we visited your house were brief, with Mom doing different errands and us watching a VHS tape of Mary Poppins, the only English material you had: We’d bring over our 9-piece Barbie and Disney puzzles to do with you and wonder why on earth you thought they were fun when we were “too old for them”. I thought it was strange that you would come over on Thanksgiving and Christmas and take home the turkey bones for congee... how could a tiny body consume that much broth?

I’m so curious as to what your 21-year-old self would have been like, just arriving in Canada to meet your Dad after years of being forced to help your cruel brother and sister-in-law on their farmland in Guangzhou. Our family learned really quickly to not invite you camping, since it was “just like China” in a bad way, with washing dishes and throwing water into the grass, and sleeping in very hot or rainy weather. I’m amazed that the city that is my home you know by the back of your hand, every bus route and avenue memorized. My google-maps-using-self was always amazed and I pretended to understand your directions even when you used street names I had never noticed before.

When I moved into your house for university I was just a clueless eighteen-year-old who thought she’d be a nurse. Up until then my parents had let me study and work as I wanted, and I cruised through daily life in my own routines that fit into my parents’ house. Finding a balance with you and my sister was so funny... three people who were stubborn in many, many ways. Considering that we didn’t know any Chinese and you knew mostly work-based, kitchen English, we knew that adjusting and communicating would be a challenge.

Sure, I was annoyed when you would take away the precarious stack of dishes I had left in my room to wash later, wash them, and then tell me later that I should have washed them. I mean, I was gonna!! That’s why they were there! Or when you got an ulcer in your stomach and blamed it on the black licorice I’d left in my room... and not hidden well enough from you. Or when you ate ALL my popcorn twists secretly when I was at school and kept asking us to buy cheese when you really meant cheetos!

It was tough to balance relationship games between my mom’s generation of aunts and uncles, especially when you would call *all* of us to solve one issue but not tell us you had called anyone else: You wanted your TV fixed, medicine picked up, or bus tickets bought, and would make sure all your bases were covered - I respect that. It was a little stressful though.

Thanks for listening to B and I when we asked you to stop calling your friends in China at 5:00am so that we could sleep; you navigated the time difference like a pro. I’m sorry I told you to stop talking in my car when I was driving since I couldn’t focus on the road and you were precious cargo I couldn’t risk... I didn’t realise that telling you to be quiet would mean that anytime you road in my car over the next five years you would be silent haha. I appreciate that you saw how worried I was, but I regret not hearing more of your neighborhood stories.

When I was gone for months at a time in Korea there was no way for us to talk since modern options weren’t really an option with you, and I didn’t have an international phone in those situations - but I know how the conversation would have gone:

“J, Are you happy?”

“Yes, Popo, I’m happy”.

“Good.”

“Thanks, Popo. How are you?”

“Terrible. No energy”.

“Ooh no, I hope you feel better. Love you, Popo.”

“Love you too... Go now”.

I love that we didn’t need a special time to go for dim sum: Any morning you were not at dialysis and I was not at school or work was a good day for it. On the days I couldn’t make it you always brought home an extra cha siu bao or sticky rice for me (thank you for only bring duck home a couple of times; that was enough). You specifically chose a restaurant outside of the downtown core so that I wouldn’t be stressed about driving there. It still makes me laugh when I think about the way you signaled the meal was over - by getting up and leaving! Hahaha I think I was only bewildered the first time. After a while I began to admire your timing and honesty, and your “I’m done eating so we’re going home” attitude.

Somehow the congee you made every year I was growing up became a part of my regular diet, and I didn’t have the heart to tell you that most of it went in the compost because I couldn’t handle picking out turkey bones while I was supposed to be eating SOUP. It will take desperate circumstances for me to touch congee again... I loved the yuan, though, and will attempt to learn how to make it from B, even though you always criticized my rice ball making speed.

We didn’t communicate with words very often, but because of our time together in the same house, I finally got to experience the Chinese culture I’d been so curious about growing up. Not in an overstated, formal way, but seeing the countless community ties you maintained through phone calls, dinners, and mah jong. Greeting village family was the best - being able to see other Toisanese people in the middle of our city felt surreal. I didn’t understand a single word you exchanged but I loved how light your voice became, and all of your loud laughs.

Sitting here typing this in a too-silent house, I’m all the more grateful for the roommate you were to me for five years. I miss your blaring Chinese TV that I had to fix every few months, your butt-pat greetings, and the sound of your jade bracelet and watch (that you conveniently stole from me) rattling together. Like a cat, the jingling let me know whenever you were on the move in your slow, steady shuffle. Your constant sighing and “ai-ya”s were also a hint that you were moving haha.

Thank-you for:

washing my overflowing dishes

taking out the garbage bins

leaving the porch light on at night after my late-night studying even though you used a flashlight to conserve energy

being so generous with your hugs, cheek pats (butt and face haha), and hand holds

taking me through your memory lane with the plethora of wall pictures

telling me I was smart when you heard me speak Korean (which helped heal the wound of you laughing at my Chinese a little bit)

reminding me of how great my mama and daddy are

making rice for me because it was “so easy” for you, and letting me steal yours whenever I realized my meal was missing its most important part

singing and dancing around the house (and letting me eavesdrop)

preparing birthday red envelope money a full month in advance, just to prove that you remembered

letting me sing and worship and pray to my heart’s content

calling me as soon as I came back from Korea to say hello

asking if I could give you some of my “meat”

laughing at me when you caught me doing zumba in the house, and when I ran back inside for the nth time because I forgot something

depending on me for small things like batteries & carrying heavy stuff

for waiting for me to get back home before meeting the Lord

While I don’t think I was the best roommate ever, being here without you makes me wonder what the decades you had here alone in this house were like. Were you happy when you heard two of your granddaughters were going to join you? (I think you were because it meant you wouldn’t have to go to a senior’s home haha). This place is so big for one person, even though it felt tiny with the three of us. I miss coming home late from uni and seeing a completely dark street lit up only by the light of the TV shining on your face as you watched Chinese dramas at every hour - our late sleep schedules were pretty perfect! I groaned but loved when you would yell at me through the walls to come look at the TV to make sure I caught the local weather forecast (translated by you into English).

I hope that knowing that we were in the room over was comforting. I hope that the jingle of our keys in the door and the click of the it unlocking made you smile. I hope that getting treats from our groceries made up for the times we cooked spicy food that made you cough. I hope that knowing we were staying for most of the week made your time go by a little bit faster. I hope that you heard our “I love you”s enough. I hope my twerking at you from the hallway as you sat on the old couch made you laugh.

You were - and are - such a strong woman, Popo. It must not have been easy to get a divorce in the 80s as an Asian woman, even though Gung Gung was having an affair. Later it wouldn’t have been easy to have your best friend from the village and second husband pass away from a heart attack suddenly, leaving you as a single mom again. It must have been a challenge to step up once again when your daughter had triplets and needed extra help... for some reason I don’t think you were exaggerating when you mocked my crying as an infant haha.

Almost nine years ago your kidneys failed and you started dialysis. That, on top of diabetes treatment and medicine. Three times a week without fail you took the transit bus to the kidney clinic for the machines to clean your blood, leaving you without toxins but a lot more tired than before.

In the five years I spent as your roommate you had to deal with a stomach ulcer, fittings for dentures, cataract (or glaucoma?) surgery, a fall that fractured your leg, and a fall that severely hurt your arm. Recovering at the same time as watching your diet to lower your blood sugar and keep sodium to a minimum was a challenge, but you did it every time. You hardly ever complained... at least in English, so I never heard anything! I stopped being a nursing student but you never stopped trusting in my ability to take care of you. Thank you.

Many of my closest friends not only heard about you but also met you. My pastor, my rural friend, my Korean friends, my sister’s boyfriend-turned-husband: I’m just a tiny bit sorry that I never got to introduce a boyfriend of my own to you. I promise, you would have been the first one I told had anything happened! I was keeping my eye out for a toisanese boy who could’ve had all the conversations I wasn’t able to have with you. You have a way of making people care with few words.

Out of your 86 years here on earth, I only got to spend a little over two decades with you. Your quiet presence was a gift I didn’t realized I’d received until now. Without you I would literally not exist! But without you I’d also not know a love so simple and wonderful. Without you I wouldn’t have such a warm, safe, loving home to be in during school. Without you, I wouldn’t feel affirmed in my Chinese-Canadian identity. Without you, I would have continued to wash dishes with too much water.

I’m not sure what will happen to your house now that you’re gone, resting forever in a cemetery outside of the city with your best friend. There are a lot of things still in the air, but I know a new wave of grief will come when I lose the place we spent the most time together. Old, loud, and ugly house indeed, it was the company that made it comfortable! Perhaps I’ll be able to live here until I finish my degree. Perhaps I’ll only get a season here before we sell it. It’s only a shell of what we had, but there’s a reason people collect shells! I’ve never been one for sand, just like you, so this is a shell I don’t mind keeping.

I’m reminded that humans are creatures who see, feel, taste, smell, and hear. Thankfully I’m a millennial who knows how to be sneaky with her phone, and every blurry picture of you trying to find the camera has become that much more precious. My beautiful Popo, you will always be remembered well, and I’ll carry your photos with pride. I can’t wait to teach my future elementary school classes about Chinese traditions and show you off. Every time I feel the rough yet soft knit sweaters that are oh-so-fashionable I’ll smile and think about how you pulled them off the best! When I eat dim sum there is no question that I’ll be thinking about the chicken feet and village thick noodles you’d order near the end to take home as leftovers. I stole some of your Chinese ointment, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me! I was always jealous that you gave the Popo-smelling stuff to my younger sisters but not me, since I was healthier. Now I’m gonna wear it whenever I want to haha. Watching Chinese dramas at normal volumes, I’m going to enjoy keeping my connection with Chinese culture going in the way that seems normal for all the women in our family - through TV dramas :)

Did I ever tell you that Popo sounds a lot like the word for “kiss” in Korean? Not like a super steamy kiss, but the warm peck on the cheek you gave me so often. That’s a lot better than the “popo” police western people got confused by when I talked about you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you, I love you, I love you. You were the perfect embrace I needed as I became an adult, and I’m sorry that you won’t get to be that person for my future kids. They’re gonna miss out!

There will be so many moments that I will wish you were still here for, but it’s a huge comfort to know that you aren’t hurting anymore and that you can eat whatever you want to now. There must be so many sides of you that I never got to see because your physical body couldn’t catch up to what you wanted to do!

I’m so thankful for the time that we did have. It was a true gift to know you as grandma and roommate. It’s an honor to be your granddaughter. Love you and miss you.

#may 6 2022 #it's taken me a little while to process but you know I love you Popo

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 1 month

Note

what’s your comfort food or snack

for snack, my comfort go-to is always going to be hot cheetos and a diet coke, ride or die. if i have a tummy ache though, it'll be popcorn.

comfort food? toss up between a bean and cheese burrito (like just a really solid bean and cheese burrito can just hit) and/or breakfast food (like pancakes, donneeee)

honesty hour

#xoxo doctor grey #honesty hour

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fiftytwotwentythree · 5 months

Text

Wellness Wednesday:

5 Days To Go... See You Guys There

This is my penultimate check in - Last one will be coming up this following Monday, January 1st, 2024 - and Boy-Howdy, I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand of a challenge.

I managed to sneak in some extra workouts and was able to log this week with some weight loss (actually hit a milestone of weight loss) and I'm still hoping I can finish strong.

I don't have much else to report - except I am exhausted and slightly afraid that I may be addicted to Corn Nuts.

Let's Go!

52nd CHECK-IN:

Current Goals:

Lose 52 lbs: Completed

Loss 52 lbs as of 4/12/2023

Milestone: Loss 100 lbs as of 11/01/2023

Milestone: Loss 104 lbs as of 12/27/2023 thus doubling my initial goal of 52 lbs

New Goal: Maintain or Continue on The Weight Loss Path

Avoid "Junk Food"

Minimize Take-Out / Fast Food Consumption

Short Term:

Vegetarian-ish Diet: Completed

End Date: 4/09/2023 - 46 Days Total

Groundhog Day Diet: Completed*

10/01/2023 - 10/31/2023

Meal Tracker:

THURSDAY

Lunch:

Annie Chun's Sweet Chili Noodle Bowl

- Serving of Kirkland's Signature Roasted Garlic and Herb Seasoned Almonds

(2) Leftover Oven Baked Turkey & Swiss Sliders

Cup of Del Monte Peaches

Snack:

Bag of BBQ Corn Nuts

Bowl of Wonderful's Shelled Salt & Pepper Pistachios

(4oz) Bag of Sahale Pomegranate Vanilla Flavored Cashews Glazed Mix

(4oz) Bag of Sahale Snacks Pomegranate Flavored Pistachios Glazed Mix

Supper:

Box of Cheetos Four Cheese Mac N Cheese

(6) Las Palomas Beef & Cheese Empanadas

FRIDAY

Snack:

Bag of BBQ Corn Nuts

(2) Small Oranges

(1) Pepper Jack Beef Stick

Supper:

(1) Cheeseburger

(3) Homemade Burritos

- Mix of Ground Beef and Sausage

- Refried Beans

- Sour Cream

- Lettuce

- Green Onion

- Shredded Mild Cheese

- Ortega Sauce

SATURDAY

Breakfast:

(3) Bun Length Smokies of (3) Bakery Buns

(1) Over-Easy Fried Egg

Plate of Hasbrowns

(2) Glasses of Orange Juice

Snack:

(2) Cups of Orville Redenbacher Ultimate Butter Popcorn

(4) Small Oranges

Supper:

(2) Slices of Ham of (2) Bakery Buns

(1) Side Slice of Ham

(3) Scoops of Mashed Potatoes

(3) Scoops of Corn

(3) Scoops of Green Bean Casserole

(1) Glass of Orange Juice

SUNDAY

Lunch:

Meat, Cheese, and Crackers

- (12) Crackers

- (6) Slices of

- (6) Slices of Pepper Jack Cheese

- (6) Slices of

(10) BBQ Smokies

Snack:

Bag of Corn Nuts

(2) Large Bowls of Smartfood's White Cheddar Popcorn

(10) BBQ Smokies

Supper:

Can of Campbell's Chunky Chili Mac

- (10) Crackers

- Shredded Cheese

(1) Slice of Buttered Bread

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

MONDAY

Snack:

Meat, Cheese, Crackers

- (8) Crackers

- (4) Slices of

- (4) Slices of Pepper Jack Cheese

- (4) Slices of

Bag of BBQ Corn Nuts

Supper:

Large Plate of Poutine

- Fries

- Beef Gravy

- Herdez Shredded Pork

- White Cheese Curds

- Old El Paso Spicy Queso Blanco

Small Plate of "BBQ Fries"

- Fries

- Herdez Shredded Pork

- BBQ Sauce

- Old El Paso Spicy Queso Blanco

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

TUESDAY

Lunch:

StarKist Smart Bowls Barley & Beans with Tuna: Tomato Basil

Snack:

Serving of Kirkland's Signature Roasted Garlic and Herb Seasoned Almonds

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

Supper:

Can of Progresso Southwest-Style Black Bean Soup

- (10) Crackers

Cup of Del Monte Peaches

WEDNESDAY

Lunch:

Can of Progresso Mediterranean-Style Lentil Soup

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

Snack:

Bag of Corn Nuts

Supper:

Hot (Leftover) Ham & Swiss on (2) Sweet Hawaiian Buns

(2) Small Pork Quesadillas

- Leftover Herdez Shredded Pork

- (2) Small Tortillas

- Shredded Mexican Cheese

- Sour Cream

- Old El Paso Spicy Queso Blanco

(1) Glass of Chocolate Milk

Workouts:

THURSDAY

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

FRIDAY

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

SATURDAY

(40 mins/~2.5 miles) Walk/Jog on Treadmill

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

SUNDAY

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Squats [4 sets of 25]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

MONDAY

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

TUESDAY

* Morning Workout *

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

* Afternoon Workout *

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

* Evening Workout *

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

WEDNESDAY

* Morning Workout *

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges[4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

* Afternoon Workout *

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

* Evening Workout *

(400) Jumping Jacks [8 sets of 50]

(100) Glute Bridges [4 sets of 25]

(100) Push-Ups [10 sets of 10]

(100) Reverse Leg Lifts [10 sets of 10]

(100) Leg Kickbacks [10 sets of 10]

(100) Sit-Ups [5 Sets of 20]

(5 min) Planks [5 Sets of 1 min]

WEIGHT TRACKER:

Starting Weight (Noon, 1/01/2023): XXX.X lbs

Weight at Last Check-In, 12/20/2023:-0.6lbs

Weight As of Noon, 12/27/2023: -0.6 lbs

Total Weight Loss: -104.0 lbs

Closing Thoughts:

The Good:

5 Days Left in this Year's Challenge.

Doubled my goal of losing 52 pounds. Broke 104 pounds today.

The Bad:

5 Gruelling Days Left in this Year's Challenge. 5 Days of Minding My Portions and Staying on Top of My Workouts. Gotta Finish Strong... Hopefully this doesn't have me rolling into the New Year as Grumpy Goose.

The Ugly:

Could use a little siesta. So terribly tired that I slept through most of family holiday funtions... and I am still exhausted.

#52 in 23

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