#i have had a Year And A Fucking Half
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Hi, I've been meaning to do this for several months, executive dysfunction got the better of me, and it's 1 in the morning (or, it was, but then I fell asleep while writing this, but 95% of it was written at 1 in the morning), but, hi, hello, your friendly neighborhood [insert adequate descriptor here, I'm too tired to come up with anything right now]!
I have not posted anything original on this blog for. uh. months. my best guess running at actual long form not fulfilling a tag game thing is november. of 2022 (I can't check I'm on mobile). which is much time ago! (the last tag game fulfilling writing posting was in like may) hi, I'm not dead and I haven't stopped writing forever, I just had one fucking hell of a year for mental health and school and moving up schools
but! it's summer now, I'm some twenty ish days into break, and I suddenly have spoons again. wow. I forgot what that feels like. I've done So Many Things recently it's insane, anyway--
I have been writing things! I'm doing an impromptu (as in started it on July 13th) camp nano challenge of typing up 3000 words of the massive amount of Enna's prequel I handwrote in a notebook at varying distressingly late hours of the night. I am actually decently close to done with that, I got a shitload done the other day, that's to say:
this lovely little blog of mine has been unintentionally mostly dormant for a while now, but it has been woken up and there will be things here again! tomorrow, even! (or today. timezones.)
lots of things have changed, in the stories, I have finally figured out a MASSIVE AND HELLISH plot hole in Enna's prequel story, and it's all figured out now, and I'm so fucking happy it's awesome can my brain feel like this all the time please the serotonin is excellent, but fixing that plot hole means that I need to redo so much lore and and backstories now it's ridiculous
to everyone who's sent me asks and tagged me in games and etc in the last few months/year. I'm sorry. I'll do most (hopefully almost all) of them. (Sleepy especially, I'm sorry, I'm not really sure if that means anything to you I probably sound like a broken record but I do mean it genuinely, I'm sorry, I will answer all of the ones you've sent me)
#i have had a Year And A Fucking Half#dont take an ap class your freshman year folks its not a good idea#(it was so much fun and 1000/10 i *would* do it again but it was also a lot)#and i had so many crisis.#either ''oh hey what if im a boy''#''oh shit i think im autistic''#which. that was something that was fun one time just one time i would like to INTENTION ALLY come out#and not do it by accident#granted. accidentally in the playbill for the show im doing is better than accidentally in the middle of a sidewalk in detroit#i have just woken up. i am not going to reread this because then the anxiety will get the better of me and i will vanish into a hole again
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so, i hit 1k sometime in the beginning of June ✨🥳. Which means my incessant yapping about absolutely nothing on every post I make and multiple months-long unannounced hiatuses didn't scare all of you off yet, so thanks for that y'all.
No, but for real tho, I genuinely want to express my gratitude to each and every one of you for putting up with me and all my BS, so my 1k+ gift exclusively consists of hairs requested by YOU! Which is totally about giving back to the community that has supported me and NOT just an excuse to dump all the requests that have been sitting here piling up for months.
there are only 7 hairs in the preview image but a bunch of these are from sets, so all-in-all you're getting 17 female hairs!
INFORMATION:
None of this is my original work! All mesh credit goes to @sheabuttyr, @ebonixsims, @daylifesims, @simstrouble!
Set contains 17 hairs for for Teen ➤ Elder Females
due to how the meshes where made the Poloma Passion Twists and Monae Beads don't have root/tip controls so they’re only 2 channels the rest are 4 like normal.
credits, preview pictures, links to originals, poly counts and individual download links for every hair is under the cut.
polycounts are ALL over the place. Lowest hair is +10k, Highest one is +32k. Please reference the list under the cut before downloading!
Files comes in two flavors: Merged and Unmerged
Both types contain the exact same type of stuff (package file and preview images) except version one is one big merged file and the version has individual files.
[DOWNLOAD MERGED]
[DOWNLOAD UNMERGED]
[PICK AND CHOOSE]
Tagging list: @pis3update, @naturalhair-sims3, @xto3conversionsfinds, @kpccfinds
@simstrouble Adeline Braids//22.2k poly// requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: London Locs // 16.2k Poly //requested by @thesirensims
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims: Honey Sun Clover Dreadlocks v1// 10.8K Poly //requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims: Honey Sun Clover Dreadlocks v2// 10.9K Poly // Under hats // fully recolorable// 1 channel// requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@ebonixsims: Monae Beadset V1//32.7K Poly! // Under hats // Recolorable beads 4 channels//no tips or root controls due to mesh//requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@ebonixsims: Monae Beadset V2//30.5K Poly! // Under hats // Recolorable// 4 channels//no tips or root controls due to mesh//requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims :Honey Sun Alfalfa Braids v1// 10.1K Poly // Under hats // fully recolorable// 1 channel// requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims :Honey Sun Alfalfa Braids v2// 10.1K Poly // Under hats // fully recolorable// 1 channel// requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: Daija Dreads V1 // 28.6k Poly //requested by anon.
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: Daija Dreads V2 // 30.8k Poly! //requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: Paloma Passion Twist V1// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V2// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V3// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V4// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V5// 25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V6// 25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V7// 25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V8/ /25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
#ts3cc#s3cc#ts3 cc#ts3 download#ts3#s3 cc#ts3 dl#s3 dl#sims 3#4t3#black simblr#black sims cc#[mine]#remember when i thought i was gonna have this ready for Juneteenth 😂#real life has FINALLY slowed to the point I can start posting regularly again hopefully#lord knows these months long hiatuses are neither cutesy nor demure#but also tbf I've had all these hairs done and uploaded to sfs for a month and a half but never made a post cuz i hated the graphic#and now i've reworked the graphic THRICE and I still hate it...but it is what it is at this point🙃#also shoutout to the adeline braids for reminding me of the bob length box braids I had freshman year of high school#and that I got called fucking “good burger” for a solid 4 and a half months because of it#also also if you look closely you might be able to see what the next big set is 🤫
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Anytime characters swap bodies I always think about which of our silly little guys gets a break from their usual trash bod/brain.
#on one hand… cool spider powers! on the other…#king ohger#ohsama sentai kingohger#super sentai#jeramie brasieri#gira husty#spider kumonos#kuwagata ohger#the group chat: why did gira seem to freak out so much?#me: he got jeramie’s anxiety brain obvs wcjcwejwdc#jer sitting around having a grand old time for once…. he’s had a tough two.5 years so far#i think he’d miss his old self if the ep went on any longer though#fucking love to see a half mosntrous character being so damn proud of it#refreshing#i loved this episode. it was really sweet#INCREDIBLE acting job too#holy MOLY i fully bought everyone was eachother#panel two is the best jeramie i've ever drawn and he's gira adkjakfw
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"my lover, my maker, my breaker, take me by the hand"
a farcille edit to miles by mother mother, inspired by this iconic gifset by @pink-vacancy !!!
I used this and this from youtube... idk how else to get my hands on clips...
#I don't have the netflix app so I can't download legally#can you screen record on a laptop?#anyway#might fuck around and make a full amv to the whole song#this was really fun to make#tbh I had an idea for this song years ago that was half bloody action shots and half dreamy romantic scenes so#this was the perfect opportunity to make that dream come true#farcille#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#falin touden#marcille donato#dunmeshi edit#delicious in dungeon#mother mother
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#alolan raichu#holy shit these alolan forms are kicking the fuck outta my ass#the things i do for you all. my production value on this blog has increased over the years and i don't think i can get away with the same#weird shit i used to be able to when i couldn't find a good model so now i'm having to learn how to use blender and shit??#downloading weird scripts off the internet just because i can't find the right models. and now alolan raichu has kantonian eyes#they have kantonian eyes. i know. i'm sorry. i don't know how to fix it and this is the best you're going to get because i had to work for#like an hour and a half just to get to this point. and i know the lighting is dark. it's. it's bad. it'll probably be like this for all#the alolan forms at least. and holy shit when we get to gen 9 it's going to be even worse#this is a wreck!! this is a wreck. i had to use the sv model for this one and it's like#i dunno the eyes in sv aren't textures?? they're procedural. they're fucking. shaders. in sv. which is why espeon's pupils#are no longer pupils and are instead reflections (lie‚ falsehood)#and i'm. dissolving. y'all're gonna have to bear with me moving forward bc i've gotten Very used to the “it just works” nature of#the older models that i was using but this is getting way harder on me as we move into newer generations
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you guys please understand they were going to say “CASTIEL’S PERSONAL HEAVEN” and paper the walls like a teen girls room with pictures of dean pictures of dean’s face PLASTERED onto the bodies of beefcakes all while cheek to cheek blares out. as brought to you by fucking metatron
#cutting an I love you because your actor who’s been kinning this guy for years thinks is out of character:#cutting part of me always believed you’d come back because same actor thinks that’s too gay:#cutting castiel’s personal half naked dean winchester heaven because tptb go hey maybe this is too gay and homophobic. as a bit:#I understand why we’re picking handprint. but I will put forth the argument that this is the bait rounds and that overall#the handprint is less bait and more so the weird boy besties behavior#listen you know I LOVE the handprint. but in terms of genuine great american queerbait#and I mean they put the handprint back on during the love confession at this point that one’s just textual we’re talkin BAIT#closest to bait here I’d argue is the fact they had anna palm it while having sex with dean#like actively pausing the sex scene to just show anna gripping it and dean reacting#but again that’s more. weird. than bait I’d say. Simply because that transcends bait into what the fuck are you guys doing#but at this point cas was hot off the scene by season 9 they KNEW what they were doing and they were DOING it maliciously in a POST YOURE#NOT CRAZY TWEET WORLD
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People who truly dislike Edwina Sharma are wild. Heaven forbid an 18 year old be charmed after being almost relentlessly pursued by an older man. Three married women, including her mother, are for the match. THE QUEEN is for the match. The only person saying he isn't right for her is her sister and like I'm sorry but my sister could swear that a man wasn't that into me and I would not listen if he BOUGHT ME A HORSE!???!!?!!
#having a s2 rewatch and truly. that is a teenager who has never been courted before. that's a girl with no experience with this at all.#she's being pursued by a nearly 30 year old man who we know will chase off a young lady's suitors (see The Daphne Debacle)#also we have no clue what kates love life was like or what she may have revealed to edwina so does eddy think#“my sister who has never entertained men or had a serious relationship is giving me courting advice”#and is that supposed to mean more than their mother's blessing and support?#fair enough mary is supposed to be complacent to an unbelievable level in this show but had kate said “mama he truly isnt right for eddy”#would mary just have handwaved it off? is that the deal the show was going for?#people online loooove to talk about how much you wanna hit your sibling for no reason but an acerbic “half-sister” is too far?#if my maid of honour wanted to fuck my future husband i'd hand the priest my earrings tell him to meet me in the confessional and go to tow#i think edwinas explanation of this anger was not well thought out but she was entirely right to be angry.#anyways. eddy darling i will live you until my dying days.#edwina sharma#bridgerton
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day 99
i have NEARLY finished the skirt for my ren faire fit i just gotta get a few finishing details added and also get the undershirt bleached (bc i got a bunch of makeup on it at last years fair and shit Stained) but THEN i can show yall the final fit!!
#day 99#year 5#aradia megido#homestuck#its gonna be cute#i was so fucking stressed abt this one because like.#i bought my fabric and i was like oh yeah dude this is toooootally more than enough for a circle skirt#went to finally cut things#realized i only had enough for a half-circle skirt and it would end up with a bunch of weirdly-shaped scrap at the end#(ie i would have to do a bunch of weird piecing to make the waistband and pockets and such)#and like honestly a half-circle skirt was NOT enough volume for me i need my skirts swooshy#so i was like well. okay. i think i can optimize my fabric usage more if i draft a paneled skirt#but this of course required..... Math.#and unfortunately. i was an art major. so. there was a lot of struggling#BUT I DID IT. THERE WAS STILL A LIIIIITTLE BIT OF PIECING THAT HAD TO BE DONE BUT IT IS MINIMAL AND CAMOUFLAGED PRETTY WELL#and also this is for a ren faire primarily bc i dont wear a lot of skirts in day-to-day#SO. economical fabric usage is absolutely period accurate. even though none of the rest of my outfit or techniques are.#basically all thats left for me to do is add pockets and the closure at the back#i meant to add the pockets as i was doing the main construction but i got too excited and forgor#so theres gonna be some seam ripping but nothing too bad
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what's the worst thing you watched and kept up with (at least for a while) because you were gay and begging for scraps? mine was probably pretty little liars
#what was her name? emily? whatever it was i was a simp for the lesbian character on PLL#and put up with three seasons of fucking Nonsense for it#words and things#i say 'probably' because there are worse shows i watched for various girls that i had crushes on over the years#but thats a different kind of simping. i didnt watch them for girl kissing i watched them for a girl who i knew was probably straight#gay#lesbian#bisexual#<- yall got it the worst half of these things were subtly biphobic too#oh god does anyone remember that show where the MC was a succubi but didn't know about monsters#so she thought she was just a freak and was always on the run until the monster world finds one of her kills and hunts Her down#and she ends up. idk working at a monster bar and helping her Monster Cop boytoy hunt runaway monsters? or something?#listen what i remember from that is how badly i wanted her and her simp (female roommate maybe?) to fuck instead#and i swear they queerbaited me a little. but i might have just been delusional tbh
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Me, the DM: Alright guys, what're your characters for the new campaign? Remember, we're starting at level one.
Bill: Alright cool yeah no problemo, so I'm like a legendary folk hero guy, right? EVERYBODY knows me. I'm super famous. I'm like the hero of the Sword Coast, I've killed minotaurs, stopped cults, fought devils in the Hells, saved the world countless times, all that jazz. Also my dad's a duke, I'm rich, and there's this really hot demon lady who's my patron.
Me: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh-
Carla: Oh! I'll go! So I'm a badass tiefling lady, I've been fighting in the Blood War for a decade, I've killed loads of demons - like SO MANY demons - and also my heart is an infernal engine. So I'm constantly on fire basically and anyone who touches me gets burned to ashes instantly. Like just boom dead. TOASTED.
Me: UUUUUUUUUUGH-
Gabe: Lame. Alright, so check this out. Lemme lay this on ya, right? So you know Mystra, the Goddess of Magic?
Me, visibly terrified: .............uh huh?
Gabe: Heheheheh. Yeah. Uh huh. That's right.
Me: .....What-
Gabe: Fucked her.
Me: UM.
Gabe: Also I'm a nuclear bomb
#and then liz is just like “yeah I'm a fighter and I have a longsword”#for real tho#it's funny that half the party is just like “yeah here's a completely reasonable level 1 character with some slight backstory to work with”#and then the other half's like “i have ten levels worth of backstory and the feats of a hero of legend”#like who in their right mind would look at gale's backstory and go “yeah seems reasonable”#“you're a doomsday device and you've fucked a goddess? sure yeah that works for level 1”#amazing#hilarious#and then lae'zel is literally just Some Gith#astarion's just had a shitty life for 200 years#and shadowheart is just a standard follower of shar#pretty much anyway#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate iii#bg3 memes#lae'zel#karlach#gale#gale dekarios#karlach bg3
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so I realized that around this time of the year is already past my 1 year anniversary of being hyperfixated on Rob?? time flies
this is the timeline of how it happened according to some vague memories:
1. i happen to see some random video of The Rerun on like, YouTube I think
2. me: hmm i think that one eyed guy is giving some real gender envy– wait. oh no. its happening. he's the new Chosen One, isn't he
3. im not hyperfixated im not hyperfixated im not–
4. I AM SO FUCKING HYPERFIXATED I LOVE ROB FROM TAWOG HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!
5. rob is a major part of my life and my headspace now. i couldn't stop if I tried, because some part of my brain views him as an actual close friend, and therefore abandoning this hyperfixation would feel extremely cruel. i would never do that to him and therefore he will be my imaginary bestie/adoptive son forever. i will never grow out of it. i am perfectly okay with that
#its always been gender envy that gets me hyperfixated on a character. like i dont think its ever been anything else lmao#and by his gender i mean the fact hes kinda just a Funky Creature Thing Whose Species We Cannot Quite Identify. that is the gender#this actually might be the longest character hyperfixation ive had so far... he really is the Chosen One#i used to watch this show when i was in elementary school but i didnt have access to every episode#so maybe thats why i have no memory of him from when i was that young?#or maybe seeing him in that video unknowingly gave me deja vu which is another reason why he initially caught my attention?#5 or 6 years later... the irrelevant forgettable side character from that one weird cartoon crawls out of the deep recesses of my brain#and ends up living in my head rent free#for over a year#and he shows no signs of moving out anytime soon#top 5 comebacks of this past decade-and-a-half (my life)#this is so weirdly poetic in a kinda fucked up but also funny way#wow this whole post is basically just me screaming “I HAVE AUTISM” over and over#rob tawog#tawog#the amazing world of gumball#tawog rob#dr wrecker
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Not me learning from crunchy fb page posting abt today (march 2nd) being Sanji's birthday that man has the same astrological sign as me (pisces) and then looking up Zoro's birthday on the wiki and he's a fucking scorpio (november 11th), why are neither of these surprising
#one piece#zosan#I WOULD LIKE TO DECLARE THAT I AM NOT ONE OF THE ASTROLOGY PEOPLE#I merely had a phase when I was a wee child and have retained the rough calendar order and general vibes of some signs ok ssshhhhh#it also means one of them is about half a year older than the other but unless we figure out what time of year the show started#we won't know which one#(cause they're the same age at time of debut and time skip)#like my guess would be summer which would make zoro older#which would be very fucking funny and 100% in line with their dynamic#but also I have no idea how to assess seasons in the world and usually tropical climate of one piece#or even which hemisphere would translate to which of ours on their planet
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In your lights out!au when Eddie wakes up, how did Frank feel? Was he happy? Relieved? Were they a thing before everyone went to sleep, or did they realize they had feelings for each other afterwards?
I hope this hasn't been asked before! I'm just really curious
i'm thinking that before everything went dark, they were getting there. nothing was said aloud, but they were both having Mutual Feelings and Charged Moments that neither could ignore
just because i think it'd interesting if when Eddie wakes up, it's like no time at all passed. he walked Frank home just last "night". but it's been years for Frank - they have to reestablish where they had been with the added facets how time has worn on Frank. among other things
#and they only get like 5-6 months to figure their shit out!#thankfully for the both of them frank is less inclined to keep up pretenses. he becomes a bit of a go-getter#cause he's like 'well its been years. im tired & im dying. fuck it we ball'#its that class The Apocalypse Speeds Up Relationship Development thing#not drastically! it still takes them a good couple of months#this is actually why i had eddie wake up before julie#i wanted him and frank to have Some time together#5-6 months isnt half bad i think. sorta#rambles from the bog#wh lights out au#to make a long story short#feelings were realized but not shared pre-dark#and post-dark they're shared and somewhat established#how established can you be in their situation!#as for how frank felt... A Confusing Tangle Of Emotions#too complicated to write out here really
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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i love crazy contrasting 1p2p in every way(not every way). so i always subconsciously have 2P rusame be friends. unlikely friends etc. in whatever weird school au theyre friends. meri was probably bullied until he started hissing at other kids or something while rus2 was just like huhh okay yeah okay what fine. rus2 found him in a broom closet and it was as awkward as it sounds. in the weird stuckin1Pcoldwar au i have theyre friends also in the torturous existence. 1P rusame is too weird life is too short lets tomodachi✌️
#in comparison 1p rusame would be school insane psychological games social competition nerds MID OFF#2ptalia#i like the jp fanart where 2p ame is pitiful and gloomy. its cute#a little wannabe edgy but spare him he was left in the rain in a cardboard box when he was 2 years old.#i keep imagining a gay school au sorry. im gonna say shit now#rus2 is blunt and kind of. bad at reading signals. accidentally drags him and meri into karaoke with ame(enigmatic popular kid)#meri is like fuck my life... but he has a killer bitch face so people are like uwaa scary... hes brooding...#rus2 is like ah sorry i forgot you never had a normal teen friendship and clung onto (nada) all the time#meri is always coping like these people... dont get it... hes half right#they go to karaoke and ame sings really off key#actually i have a common daydream where ame's elusiveness is really funny to meri#he's like hahahaha what the hell that kids crazy ahahaha. like laughing at a cartoon#and then somehow he keeps being approached by ame (slow trying to step away) hes like noo... i dont actually wanna get close to u at all...#meri and rus2 probably play observers theyre quiet kids who go hmm im nooticing!#observing 1p rusames weirdship that everybody can see but they don't think anyone notices their crazyship#and rus2 is like oh two people talking and interacting alot. theyre friends. its just like a rivalry thing yeah?#while meri is like fuckkk the fucking golden boy is talking to us when ame talks to them rus2 is like#why dont you invite (rusia) to the karaoke arent you two friends#(ame mania face turns around)#okay thats all i got bye
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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