God. Working again actually feels so good.
At my last job I wasn't doing anything for anyone, it was pointless busywork. Now I feel like I'm doing something for people which is so nice! I know I'm just a barista, but at the beginning of the pandemic baristas were a bright spot for me, and I made so many people smile today! And a few of them thanked me for spelling their names right, which was nice!
And I was keeping busy! I wasnt sitting on my ass! Sure, a part of me wishes I was, but it's just kinda nice to feel like my day wasn't wasted.
If this job paid me a livable wage I would genuinely be so so so happy.
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to be fair o haven’t given him much opportunity but alex is not helping in the falling asleep war. why is my body incapable of fucking relaxing. i physically cannot un-tense myself rn and frankly it’s making me wish i was just dead. and if i don’t sleep now then i’ll get tired at work and come home and nap at 6pm. which will only make me not tired again when actual nighttime comes around and i won’t sleep AGAIN. like ok do i just kill my self or what
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that job post has me thinking like. god im so relieved im at where i am right now. i had a feeling while working on my education degree and having a lot of field experience that i may not actually want to work in the field. i was cautious. i considered changing my major to journalism (or a few other things) but ultimately didn't because i didn't want to get trapped in college forever + was on a scholarship tied to my degree + was double majoring (which I knew would look good in the future). so i didn't change my major and kept working, got through my student teaching (which was. a fucking nightmare era of my life jesus christ. if i wasn't already hesitating on this, like, student teaching was a 100% certainty moment for me).
then once i was out i took a gap year to recollect my sanity after student teaching, and i also moved out (i was able to do both of these things thanks to my money from my military training. 25+ weeks of pay that i didn't spend added up to enough for me to do those things).
and THEN i started job hunting for the 'boring office job' concept that i had first considered swapping my plans to in college. i started retail part time while i kept up my other job hunting, landed a sort of crappy job but one that paid a little better and wasn't too terrible. got laid off from that one so started hunting again as soon as they announced the layoffs, got lucky with a company i had been planning to apply for a job at in a few years or so anyways (wanted more general experience under my belt, but layoffs prevented that). got the job right before covid, and while i technically work at another company now, that's still the job i have. 100% work from home now, doing the same stuff, and it's mostly writing emails/scheduling payments/reviewing ledgers/etc.
it pays well and doesn't follow me after work hours, the timing is flexible and i can write or do some gaming on the clock because i tend towards bursts of productivity where i do a lot in an hour then sort of chill for a bit before doing more. i stay on top of my responsibilities so i have a lot of wiggle room since i'm not behind on anything (i only get behind when we swap regions up and i get assigned states that prior analysts didn't properly keep clean, lol, but even then a few weeks of dedicated work gets that shit down easy).
idk man. i'm just rambling about my life, this is stuff i think about a lot, because by god i am thankful things went this direction. even if i do lose this job, i am pretty comfortable in this field now so i feel that i could search within this field to find work that would suit me. i'm getting paid more than i ever would as a teacher or anything else, i have so much flexibility, and i'm even closing on a house (today!).
i still have a lot of worries, i need to save up money again (house deposit) and pay back my parents (house deposit). and i still have huge student loans i'm working on paying that eat up a lot of my monthly income, but im so excited to be paying towards a mortgage instead of rent, and someday my loans will be paid off
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