#i have no idea if it's even readable but i saw a lot of english poems not having a structure i'm used to

[dropthedemiurge]

when i was born, my mother gave a gift to me called Grief, for many years unwanted kid like me read fairy tales and foolishly mistook that gift with Care because the vinyl records in our living room were playing gentle lullabies into my ears they drowned out man's yelling and the woman's cries i didn't know the mother's hands should not be cold i didn't know the bitter drinks in glasses smell like death not knowing any better, i grew up her perfect copy – the same dead look, dramatic outbursts and mourning of life i longed for love but how can one discover something never seen? it only grazed my heart in bathtubs, drawn by a path of pills the actress passed a cursed theatric play to only child – the ghost of one, who danced with Death more often than with other people; her hugs were cold, awaited and familiar

tonight i take a cigarette and put it in between my bleeding lips unknown singer lights it up for me, and suddenly i breathe – your flame feels warm your eyes see me your touch is nothing but a gift of Care so maybe if you sing the lullabies for me the Death will never interrupt us she won't dare

[Ray, Only Friends Series]

[submarinerwrites]

julian of norwich, revelations of divine love (trans. elizabeth spearing)

★★★★☆

one of the first english-language works written by a woman, this book is a rendering of the “shewings” of Christ’s passion and God’s love that the author experienced on her supposed deathbed (she didn’t die; she wrote this all down).

this book was gifted to me by a family member, and it was also a translation from middle english, which i did not love. the translator (and the editor, for that matter) was very invested in the idea of the text as a representation of “a woman’s speaking voice” which i also didn’t think was especially useful.

(a digression: why are we so fucking set on translating works of middle english vernacular into modern vernacular. i understand standardizing spelling and switching the letter f into s where necessary. but our obsession with translating fucking chaucer and malory into modern english is just sick. we can literally read it with minor glosses. translating it is enabling us to forget how to habituate ourselves to other ways of writing and speaking and reading this strange wonderful language with so many syntactical and semiotic contradictions. middle english isn’t obsolete or illegible unless we make it that way. if we keep this up we’ll have to translate shakespeare. depressing frankly. this isn’t a commentary on this particular work, just general thoughts lol.)

the translator does a good job wrt fidelity towards the syntax of the original text and the translation also means that it’s extremely readable just in terms of being a devotional work.

on that subject, my favorite lines: “I suddenly saw the red blood trickling down from under the crown of thorns, all hot, freshly, plentifully, and vividly, just as I imagined it was at the moment the crown of thorns was thrust onto his blessed head - he who was both God and man, the same who suffered for me.” the image was incredibly striking, as were many of the other meditations throughout.

i did find myself thinking a lot about the author’s choice to accept suffering. even if you do reject the idea that suffering is of God, that it is a moral or religious good, you still have to bear it. as c.s. lewis tells us, there is no safe investment. you are built to suffer and return, and there is no escape. and i think that idea in itself is kind of unbearable.

[seasideretreat]

The light

Let's make things happen. Everything is about action. When we do things, we make the world a better place, but we can also make it a worse place. That's physics. I don't know. Working hard is a good thing; we can often make sense of things; but the essence of society is in fact business, and oftentimes the drudgery of business is basically just shining down upon the wretches with ebullient haste. It doesn't matter though.

I do good things. However, terrific events happen all the time and make the world seem dour and senseless. Something may be said in any language. Truth be told, I am a bit bored with English; I've overused it at some point; you know, it truly seems cold and meaningless from time to time; even though I so very much admire the English; and frankly, the language is more expressive than German, which is funny because Germans are such expressive people, but it doesn't matter. I suppose Germans are oafish and silly, just like most Englishmen. It's sad really, that there are so few good people; and even if they are good from time to time, they are bad when it comes down to it; isn't that a fatal thought? You know, I saw a girl today who was very hard-headed, but she hated everyone, yet she was crazily self-centered and she was constantly nursing this evil smile. Some people think Dutch people are basically Germans, yet I feel Dutch people are milder than Germans. They're also more rude, which is aggravating. Germans are generally a bit more agreeable.

Thinking about everything is certainly a wise thing to do, but it is not very healthy, so we really shouldn't do it: it seems if we are too wise we tend to destroy ourselves. The best thing to do is always to think, yet we are stuck in a cycle of not thinking. I think a lot, but I cannot utilize my thoughts. The thing is, we just need to say something, and to do that we just need to formulate opinions, even if they are meaningless; and that is a very sad fact. But if we have thought about everything, we tend to have a set of reliable concepts that we can refer back to, and in this wise we become happy - but it is altogether not very wise. I don't know. I tell you, every day I have to write something in this blog, but it really doesn't matter what I write, so in fact I just end up stimulating my own tendency to think. I write one word after another so that I end up thinking what I would've thought anyway; you know, I think all day.

You know, I suppose I want unlimited power. This is impossible though. Our thoughts can help us get through the day, but they cannot help us write. You know, the best thing is writing a novel I suppose, then you are doing humanity a service and at the same time developing genius ideas, but the thing is your ideas will be kind of discredited because you poured them into a novel. Scientific writing is certainly a grave result of the knowledge industry, but it really has nothing to do with our daily life - and you know, creative writing really has nothing to do with social intercourse, although we certainly hope that it does, but we are captured in a terrific situation, and everything is just the same, that's why we move towards certain situations. You know, you can write anything, but creative writing needs a vitality and a charm that cannot be found in knowledge. I often believe knowledge is highly readable, but the thing is it is vastly finite, and I can't afford to spend entire lifetimes reading unreadable tomes on African history just because I want to say something learned. To write is to make huge sacrifices.

Frankly, one of the biggest joys of writing is to think about what you write, but if you are thinking on the level of ideas, there will never be a text. The trick is to minimalize your literary ambitions. Writing only one word, thinking about this word, that is efficient when it comes to writing. I say that whilst thinking a great deal on the level of ideas; you know the big breakthrough is finding a single word might be enough; a text starts on the level of the word.

It is above all the case that amazing things don't happen automatically. This is one of the great lessons of life. You know, there's nothing more entertaining than watching amazing things take shape before your eyes, but the thing is amazing things don't exist. You're always stuck in the horror of being a senseless individual, and nothing can change the horror of being incapable, unworthy, of action.

[strawberrymiya]

An unknown darkness (GWSN Miya x Reader) (Part 1)

Historical AU fic set in England in the 1970s (specifically 1976), reader is a middle class executive and ends up hiding from the police with punk Miya. Angst, historical accuracy and plenty of retro English language. Some remarks about sexism and the position of women are included, but I chose to ignore attitudes about same sex relationships simply for ease of writing (title comes from lyrics to GWSN's 'Black Hole').

Pairing: GWSN Miya x Female Reader Word count: 3321

A/N: Shock horror I can write angst too?? So it's not exactly what I've been doing so far but the idea called for it so I gave it a go, let me know what you think! Some research went into this for accuracy, but I'm extremely interested in this time period anyway so a lot is just from memory ^^ A big thank you to my #1 supporter @goldenfxre for your help in many ways, this is for you!

Read on Ao3

Alone at night in a town you’d never been in before was never a good place to be. The hotel you were staying at was only supposed to be a couple of streets away, how had you gotten lost?

You were staying in a whole different part of the country; your company had some important meetings taking place, and had sent you as one of the higher ups to attend them. It was the first day of three, and after the day’s meeting some employees had invited you for casual drinks at the local wine bar. One of the employees told you your hotel was only a couple of streets away from the bar, so you thought it would be easy to find your way back. Now, at about midnight, you were wandering around lost, and the streets were empty.

You weren’t entirely sure what to do; you knew the street name the hotel was on, but none of the signs had what you were looking for. You had seen a police car parked, but didn’t want to resort asking them for help as they were on duty. There was a telephone box you had circled round a couple of times, but you were the only one staying at that hotel so had nobody to ask for directions.

After passing the telephone box for the third time, you decided to try a different turning; a little back street that you weren’t sure looked totally safe, but it was the only option you had left. There wasn’t much down there; a newsagents, a bookies and a grubby looking club. The sign in front was peeling off and barely readable, the walls were covered in graffiti and possibly the odd blood stain, and there was empty broken glass bottles dotted around the car park. It looked like a very different place to the wine bar you had just been drinking in.

During your few moments of staring at the club, the doors opened and the people started to spill out. They all had orange or black coloured hair, dressed in leather or denim jackets covered in spikes and tears. The sound of an army of combat boots soon flooded the empty street, and you soon realised it was a punk club you had found yourself stood outside of. Punks were a very new type of person, and you didn’t have many round where you were from, so you had only heard about them. Seeing them in the flesh; these cold blooded rebellious anarchists, could they really be such dangerous people? Surely one of them would give you directions.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash of glass. You quickly turned your head, seeing a gaping hole in the window of the newsagents, glass scattering the pavement below. Someone had thrown a brick through it.

The punks began to move much more quickly as you heard a police siren, the white car with the bright red stripe you had seen earlier arriving instantly. Was it one of the punks that had thrown it? You’d watched every person that had come out of that club, none of them had even approached the newsagents. With them all beginning to evacuate the area, you had to find someone quick if you wanted directions.

It was then that you saw a woman stood still; she was loading instruments into the back of a Reliant Robin, looking round clearly concerned. She must have been with one of the band members playing in the club. She had a jet black short mullet, and was wearing jeans covered in rips, zips and chains. She wore a denim vest jacket (the sleeves having clearly been ripped off) covered in studs over a black t-shirt, and the same black combat boots as everyone else you had seen walk out of the club. The other female punks you had seen looked different to her; they wore black fishnets and short skirts, this woman blended in with the male punks more.

You decided to go for it, quickly making your way across the road and over to her. She had closed the door of the van before it drove off; you had the perfect chance to talk to her before she walked away. She turned and had began to walk as you approached, and she stopped in front of you in surprise.

“Hello, I’m so sorry, could you-”

“What are you doing?” The stranger interrupted you, agitated. She stayed still in front of you, but was looking round as if she was in a hurry.

You stuttered, “I was just wondering if you knew-” She cut you off again, this time by grabbing you by the arm and forcefully pulling you across the road, her large strides taking the two of you down a dingy alley next to the bookies. As she took you, you feared every scare and rumour about these people were true. Was she going to hurt you?

She stopped walking right at the end of the alley, almost shoving you into the wall as she released you. Before you had a chance to escape, she commanded,

“Don’t move. We’ll have to hide down here, they can’t see us.”

Although her tone was intimidating, she wasn’t threatening you. You were hiding.

“Why do we have to hide down here?” You asked, not fully understanding the situation you found yourself in.

The stranger leaned back against the dingy brick wall, just avoiding the dripping pipe stream that ran from the gutter of the roof to the drain below. She took a cigarette and a lighter out of her inside pocket, casually placing the tab between her teeth as she spoke, “some tosser chucked a brick straight through a window just before we all came out, pigs shown up, they’re gonna take one look at me and put me in the nick, aren’t they?”

This puzzled you, you feared your innocence poking through as you responded, “not necessarily.”

A small laugh of amusement came out of the stranger as she lit her cigarette and stuffed her lighter back in her inside pocket, “yeah, you’re definitely not from round these parts. Round here pigs don’t let people like me just walk past on a quiet night, no, we’ll wait here till they move on.” She spoke with such an air of casualness; hiding from the police was a highly unlikely experience in your world, but to her it seemed banal. It was in this thought that you suddenly realised something,

“why do I have to hide? I don’t look suspicious.” You put in effort to sound headstrong, but were slightly frightened to argue with her. She looked you dead in the eye, letting out a puff of smoke directly towards you. You did your best not to cough on reflex.

“Listen, pigs know we’ve just come out, they’re gonna ask any bugger who’s knocking about questions whether they have serial killer written on their forehead or not,” her tone darkened as she stared down at you, “if you walk out there and they ask if you’ve seen anyone, you know I’m down here, and I am not being grassed out by some posh tart in a business suit.”

Her bluntness was really starting to annoy you, but you bit your tongue, “but you’re innocent. Even if I did tell them you were down here they would have nothing on you.”

The stranger smirked again, her eyes shifting towards the end of the alley, checking for anyone who may spot the two of you, “that’s not how it works, sweetheart.”

You studied her expressions, wondering what she could see, and most of all, if it was clear for the two of you to go. Her face turned to one of frustration, and you knew you weren’t leaving any time soon.

“They’re inspecting the fucking window now,” the stranger spoke with gritted teeth, flicking some ash off the end of her cigarette onto the ground before turning back to you, “looks like we might be here a while.”

Great.

“Well, as long as we’re stuck here we might as well introduce ourselves,” you got the courage to speak again, giving her a small smile to try and ease the tension, “I’m (Y/N)”. You decided against a handshake; she’d probably just stub her cigarette out on your palm.

The stranger gave you another cold look, exhaling another puff of smoke before rolling her eyes and asking, “are we really doing this?”

You leaned back, almost wanting to give up with her, “it’s better than us standing here in silence.”

She paused, and you watched her eyes gaze at the floor; she was possibly considering whether to go along with your polite conversation. She gave in,

“I’m Haruka.”

You gave her another smile, “it’s nice to meet you, Haruka.” She stared you down again, and you dropped the smile. You quickly thought of some sort of conversation to make with her, “so, do you know the band that was playing in that club?”

Haruka sighed, exhaling more smoke, “it is my band that was playing in that club.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” you remarked, trying not to sound too shocked, “what do you play?”

“Bass.” she answered bluntly, again looking towards the end of the alley where the police were still inspecting the broken window, “my mother says only boys are supposed to play in bands but it’s 1976, you know what I mean?”

You nodded; times were surely changing. You were one of the higher ups in a company full of men, it took a lot of hard work and dealing with sexism, but you managed it legitimately. Why couldn’t a woman play bass in a band?

Haruka looked at you again, her hard exterior slowly beginning to soften as she asked, “so, what do you do? You’re not an MP are you?”

You smiled, shaking your head to reassure her, “I’m in stocks and shares. I’m actually only here on business.”

“So why was it that you stopped me before, and got us stuck down here?”

You ignored the fact she had just blamed you; you wanted to remain polite, “I got lost looking for my hotel, I was trying to ask if you knew where it was.” You admitted, trying to keep your pride in front of this woman who kept staring you down.

“The only hotel round here is the one round the corner from the high street, you can’t miss it if you go up past the Chinese takeaway.” She informed you casually, but you had no idea what she was talking about.

“I… haven’t a clue where that is.” You answered shamefully. It was nothing to be embarrassed about, you’d never been to this town before of course you didn’t know your way round, but Haruka had an air about her that made you feel embarrassed to be clueless. You wish you hadn’t tried asking her for help, then you wouldn’t be stuck down here.

For the first time, Haruka showed a genuine smile, “that’s alright, I’ll show you later.”

You looked at her slightly surprised, and she turned her eyes down to the ash falling off her cigarette, still smiling. Maybe the rumours were wrong about these people.

“So is the band how you earn money, or do you have another job?” You dared to ask.

Haruka smiled to herself, amused, “no, I’m on the dole. You’ve probably never heard of that where you’re from.”

You gave her a look of confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Posh suit, nice accent, by looks of you you’ve probably never lived in a council flat in your life.”

She was beginning to annoy you again now; why did she keep making so many presumptions about you from your job and appearance?

“Don’t act like you know who I am because of the way I look.” You snapped back.

Haruka simply chuckled, “I’m not acting, I know your type. You all drink in wine bars and live on posh roads without a single window boarded up. You’re probably only an exec because your father has contacts, either that or you slept with the boss.”

What you were hearing was unbelievable. You could actually feel your blood boil as you took in the accusations she had just given you.

You couldn’t hold back this time, “you don’t know my life. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, I wasn’t given anything to get me in this position. Yes I drink in wine bars and have a nice job and can afford my own property, but I’m not some privileged tory if that’s what you’re trying to make me out to be.” The words spat out of you with the surge in confidence you had to defend yourself against her. Haruka looked taken aback, not expecting such an outburst from you. It looked like nobody had ever challenged her back before.

“So you’re not a tory then,” she finally replied, her gaze remaining on the ground, “good.”

“No, not that it’s any of your business, but I voted for Wilson in the last election.” You told her truthfully, softening your tone ever so slightly, wanting to ease the tension again.

She raised a smirk, “well it was either him or that Ted Heath, good job he’s out. Who is it they’ve got now? Ah yes, Thatcher the milk snatcher.” She began to sound more amused, turning her head upwards as she took a long puff of her cigarette, and you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at her remarks. Haruka continued, “god forbid she becomes prime minister one day.”

With the tension eased, you were intrigued to understand more about this stranger. You asked, “do you enjoy being in a band?”

“It’s a good way to pass the time,” She answered. Her casual, uncaring front had returned; nobody was in a band just to ‘pass the time’.

“Do you play at that club often?” You inquired casually, just out of curiosity.

“Regularly. Usually a pig free area round here,” Haruka remarked, gesturing towards the end of the alley at how the circumstances had changed tonight.

You suddenly remembered how she had blamed you earlier for your predicament, and you were compelled to give her an apology, “I’m sorry about getting us stuck down here.”

“You’re cute,” Haruka gave you a warm smile, taking the tab out from between her teeth end exhaling more smoke as she assured you, “Not your fault, blame the git who thought it would be funny to chuck a brick through a shop window. It’s just the way it is.”

There was a lull of silence between the two of you. Usually if a conversation died down, you would give a simple “nice to talk to you, I should be leaving now”, but you still couldn’t leave. You had to think of something else to ask her.

“Do you do this often?”

Haruka looked at you, puzzled, “what do you mean?”

“Hide from the police. Do you do it often? You seem so used to it.” You explained, suddenly wary if you had overstepped the mark. You were just interested to know why she was so frightened of authority.

She gave you a small chuckle as she answered, “more times than I can remember. You see, pigs don’t like people like me. They read too many newspapers, think we’re all rough and scum who’ll pick a fight with any of the boys in blue within a mile. Thing is it’s them who approach us most of the time.” Haruka seemed so unbothered; what she seemed to experience on a daily basis was completely incomprehensible to you. The police where you were from protected, they didn’t start fights or harass innocent citizens for the way they dressed. Or maybe you had just never seen it.

“I’m sorry,” You managed to get out, “that sounds awful.”

“I don’t need your pity.”

“No, I know you don’t, but I can say what I want, it’s a free country isn’t it?” You responded. She may have been a tough, cold anarchist, but you were still allowed to give her sympathy.

“At least that’s what they tell you,” Haruka smirked as she flicked more ash off her cigarette, watching it fall to the ground before looking back up at you, “say what you like, sweetheart.”

“I just don’t think it’s right how they target you, or people like you. You’re a nice person, I like you. I trust you.” You stated to her honestly. She could be annoying, but you’d managed to wear enough of her away in this short time that you could tell she was a genuine person. You actually did quite like her.

Haruka looked a little lost for a second; perhaps she wasn’t used to receiving such simple compliments. You swore you could see her face turn ever so slightly red in the dim street light. As you looked at her, she suddenly avoided your gaze, turning her head to the other end of the alley as she put her cigarette back between her lips.

She quickly took it back out again, stating, “hang on, jam sandwich is leaving. We’re in the clear.”

You tried to make sense of what she had just said in your head before asking, “have the police left?”

“Yep, off they go,” She dropped her cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with her boot, keeping watch on the police car as it drove away. She then began to trudge out of the alley, saying, “come on, let’s get you to your hotel.”

You stayed still, all the events of tonight suddenly washing over you. She took a few steps before turning back to you with a smile, raising her eyebrow and asking, “do you need to hold my hand?”

Her light remark brought you back into the present, and you gave her a small laugh before catching up with her, the two of you safely walking out of the alley and down towards your hotel. She was right; you did pass the Chinese takeaway. The journey was short, so you only had light conversation on the way there. Soon you were stood outside the entrance.

“Thank you so much for this, Haruka.” You gave her your gratitude as you retrieved the hotel key from your pocket.

She gave you a cheeky smile, “no problem. Don’t want you getting lost again, do we? You might bump into the likes of me.” You both chuckled.

“I wouldn’t mind bumping into the likes of you again, Haruka.” You responded. Haruka tried to give you another smile, but had become quite shy over your compliment again. You gave her a moment to find her edgy, mysterious persona again, but you knew she was flattered.

Haruka then leaned closely towards you, pushing her hands into her trouser pockets as she decreased the space between you. You could feel her nicotine tainted breath she got so close, and you felt your own face heating up at her proximity.

“Maybe I’ll bump into you again sometime, then.” She spoke under her breath, a slight smirk on her face. Then, she swiftly backed away, turned on her heels and strided off into the night.

You watched her walk away, taking a few seconds to collect your bearings and remember where you were. This woman was so fascinating to you; how you had gone from thinking she was harmless, to being almost unable to stand her, and now she was so charming towards you? You barely even knew her, yet you felt she was something really special. She somehow had took you out of your own little world and brought you into hers, just by chance of you getting lost and asking her for directions.

As you unlocked the hotel door and entered the building, you wondered to yourself,

Is she playing at that club tomorrow night?

Part two

MASTERLIST

[antiherocorner]

Huh... Alright, I'm doing... I think I'm doing it...

This is my very first fanfic ever... I'm still learning... This is a part 1 thing... I'm currently in the middle of a university exam period, so I couldn't finish the whole story yet, but I will as soon as I can, but I don't want to wait anymore... My English is okay-ish... It's not my native language, so there maybe some grammatical mistakes, I hope it's still readable... I tried my best... Just bear with me, I'll try to learn and improve... I'm very nervous...

Facts about the story: there is no age mentioning, Reader is around 25-26, I made Daniel younger in my head, 34-36 (single, no wife, no kids, let's respect the real Brühl family), Reader is female, I am Hungarian as well (possible Hungarian language in the future), I'm studying Russian (possible Russian language in the future), and I just started learning German, I used translater (sorry if I messed it up but, I really tried, please tell me if it's horrible), and one more thing... I have never met Daniel, nor I went to Berlin (yet, I really want to, and planning)... All of this are imagination, dreaming, and a little searching...

Warnings: none?... i think?... Apart from the horrible language uses and horrible jokes... Maybe swearing.

(Bad) Summary: a Hungarian girl goes to Berlin with a Russian friend of hers, as tourists. They always wanted to visit the city (not because Reader has a crush on the one and only Daniel Brühl, and wants to go to his tapas bar...of course). When the Reader goes back alone to the bar, Daniel is there too... The big meeting, adventures, fun, love, shitty romcom vibes ahead... (i hope the story is better than the summary...)

And now, after this awkward rambling, I present to you:

-----------------------------------

With Love from Berlin

Part 1

You couldn’t believe it. Finally, after months of preparation, you and your best friend were finally here, in the heart of Germany, Berlin. It was very different from what you were used to. Coming from a small city from Hungary, this was way bigger than your imagination. All kinds of people from different cultures merged into one. Museums, cafes, bars, restaurants, you didn’t even know where to begin. You took a deep breath in your hotel room. Your friend insisted on getting different rooms, in case she or you find someone to have a good time, if you know what I mean. Well, rather your friend, than you. You wanted to come here after many years, and you were finally here, so you want to experience as much of this city as you possibly could, you’re not gonna waste your time on a random (or more, glancing at your friend) man. 

You arrived at the hotel around 1.00pm, so you decided to go get some lunch somewhere close. You were a little bit tired of the long hours on the train. Just around a corner from where you were staying there was a tapas bar. Bar Raval. Your friend wasn’t really into movies that much, or actors in particular, but you knew that place, although you have never been there. You didn’t think about yourself as a “fangirl”, but you really admired the work of Daniel Brühl. You knew there was little to no chance that you could get even a tiny glance of him, but in over all: you would be happy just to say that you were in his bar. Your friend liked Spanish cuisine, so it didn’t take much to convince her to eat there. 

A Hungarian and a Russian woman walked into a Spanish restaurant in Germany, Berlin. Sounded comical. The place looked very friendly and funky. There were some people, not really a crowd. You decided to sit in the corner, with your back to the wall, so you can observe your surroundings. Your friend sits down opposite you. A waiter comes up to you:

- Willkommen! Was möchten Sie gerne? - he asked, looking between the two of you.

- Oh, sorry, we don’t really speak German. - you said with quite a thick Hungarian accent, because you got nervous due the potential language barrier.

- I see, It’s okay. We usually have all kinds of tourist here, so you’re good. What can I get for you two? - he asked with a welcoming smile.

You weren’t sure what you wanted to eat, you weren’t familiar with Spanish food at all, so you just trusted your friend to order something. She ordered something with pasta, and another thing with pasta. You had no idea what she just said. And some juice. She smiled at the waiter who scribbled down your order, and of he went. You looked around while you were waiting.

- It’s nice isn’t it?

- Yeah, it is. Quite bohemian. I would have guessed you would want to go to a traditional German restaurant. Why are we here? - smiled your friend knowingly.

- Well… You know…

- Is this the place of your man?

- What?! Shut up… - blushing - I just like his movies, that’s all… Anyway, I just liked the pictures of this place…

- ...and him…

- ...AND I wanted to check it out myself, ok?

- Ok-Ok...

You smiled at each other. You were best friends for years now, you could communicate without much of words. The waiter arrived with your plates. The food was good. In fact, more than good. In general, you prefer other cuisines, but you really liked this Spanish place. In Berlin. Odd, in the best way. After the lunch you went back to the hotel. Your friend wanted to go to a small club in the evening, so you decided to just chill throughout the afternoon. 

The traveling took the better of you, as you didn’t just not feel fresh after your nap, but you actually felt like shit. Your friend on the other hand really wanted to get going. So you assured her and yourself that it’s fine if you didn’t go to a club. She was a strong woman, and the club which she picked was just a couple of blocks away, so she decided, after she made sure that it is truly okay, to leave you behind in your room. You have never been a party-animal anyway, and you really just wanted to plan for tomorrow. There were so many things you wanted to watch in the city. After a few hours of planning and searching, you eventually fall asleep on the couch.

In the morning, luckily, you felt much better, more of yourself than in the previous afternoon. You took a shower, get dressed (purple converse, dark skinny jeans, blue tank-top and a blue/black checked shirt...nothing can go wrong dressing like this, you thought), grabbed your camo, ex-military little gym bag, locked your room’s door, and went to knock on your friend’s door. It took a few minutes, some groans, and other small noises, when she finally flung the door open. The sight was hideous.

- The hell happened to you? - you really tried not to laugh.

- Laugh, as you like… I had a good time. Drank more vodka that I could handle though…

- Are you alone or…?

- I am… Calm down, I didn’t get lied… Although I tried… But I didn’t!!! - she said quickly after she saw the frown on your face. - But I feel very shitty… My hangover is killing me, I didn’t give out anything yet… But I might throw up at any minute now…

- How can I help you? Stay with you? Bring you something from that little shop we saw yesterday?

- Some water would be nice… But I don’t want you to see me like this… And I will be fine, i’m just gonna rest today… You can go on on your sightseeing trip.

- Are you sure? I’m gladly staying with you…

- No, no! You wanted to come so badly, I don’t want to take a day away from you. I will be alright.

- You promise?

- I do. Please, just go. - she smiled at you.

- Alright. I’ll go grab you some water, and… I don’t know, go for a walk or something. Get breakfast.

- For the mentioning of food, your friend’s face went green and particularly jumped into her bathroom.

- I’m coming back in a minute or two! - you shouted after her, than closed her hotel room’s door.

You went down to get some water, some bread and some crackers which would be easy on her stomach, yet she still would be able to eat something throughout the day. You knocked on her door, which opened just slightly, an arm came out to take the bag from your hand, a small, weak “Спасибо” and just like that the door was closed again. You giggled to her door before you headed down to the street.

You honestly didn’t really want to explore many things without her, so you tried to keep your excitement low. You decided to go back to that bar where you ate your lunch yesterday. You liked it a lot, and it wasn’t a new place to discover, which meant that your friend wasn’t missing out on anything. You went to the bar. It was still early morning, not many people were there. A few old people, some of them are couples. The younger generation (yours) was probably still sleeping. Besides, the place was more like a lunch/dinner kind of place anyway. The waiter looked up and recognised you.

- Good morning! Alone this time?

- Good morning to you too! Yes, my friend had a wild party last night, and she is standing at the gates of Hell right now.

- That sounds bad. - he laughed.

- It is, she looked scary… - that made him chuckle.

- So what can i do for you today?

- I would like just a cappuccino, please.

- Alright, just sit down, I’m on it.

- Thank you!

You sat down at the exact place where you did yesterday, next to the window, with your back to the wall. You put down your bag, and looked around. With less people, the place looked cozier. You really did like it a lot. Eventually, your cappucino arrived. You thanked it, and tasted it. It was delicious. You were one of those people who liked to read next to a fresh coffee, and you always had a book around you. You took it out from your handy-dandy bag and started reading it, holding it a little up in your hands, leaned back on your chair. You were reading one of your favourite books (Pushkin - Anyegin), while sipping a good morning cappuccino, in a nice place. You just relaxed to the small sounds of the bar and sounds of the city, which infiltrated through the door and windows.

- Eine interessante Wahl von Buch am Morgen. Interessanter als eine Zeitung, das ist sicher...

No. Just...no. You were hallucinating. You felt like everything was frozen around you. From out of 2.8 millions of people (roughly), you would recognize this voice. His voice. You physically could not look up.

- Omm.. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand what you just said… - you said with the weakest voice and in the thickest accent ever, in your whole damn life. You hoped that if you make this man say another thing you fall back to reality.

- Oh, my bad - he giggled - I just said that it is an interesting choice of read in the morning, it sure is more interesting than a newspaper.

Shit, this was the reality. 

You dared to look up, and your eyes met the most chocolaty eyes ever on this whole planet, but at least in the whole of Berlin. The owner of those eyes was leaning on the chair opposite you.

- Hello. I’m the owner of this Bar, I’m Daniel. - he offered his hand to you.

- Hi, I kno...i mean I’m (Y/N), I’m the costumer…? - you finished with a questioning voice and all you wanted was for the ground to open, swallow you, and with that wipe you out of this universe. You shook his hand, without looking at him directly. His hands were warm and secure. After he released you, you closed your eyes, already feeling the burning sensation in your face. You heard a deep chuckle.

- Yeah, I guessed that. You’re not from Germany and you aren't British either, aren’t you?

You opened your (Y/E/C) eyes only to meet his curious ones.

- No, I’m not. I’m just a tourist here, I’m from Hungary.

- Oh, I’ve been there. It’s a lovely country. Would you mind if I sit down? - gesturing to the empty chair opposite from you.

- Yes… I mean no… - you took a deep breath - If you would like to you can sit with me. - This is just going great...

You earned another deep chuckle from the man in front of you, while he sat down.

- So… What are you doing here alone, in Berlin?

- I’m not alone.

- Oh… Anniversary? - for a moment you thought you saw something in his eyes. Sadness?

- Not that either. I don’t have anyone to celebrate such things. I came here with my friend, but she got wasted last night, and probably at the moment she is agonizing in her bathroom above the toilet.

- Hm… that’s not nice. - curiosity was coming back to his face.

The two of you stayed in silence. It wasn’t really uncomfortable, you were just terribly shy, and couldn’t stop blushing. You even tried to hide some of your face by leaning on one of your palms, and sipping your coffee.

This is aweful. Daniel f*ing Brühl is sitting opposite me, and I can’t even look at him. He must be thinking I’m one of those fangirls who just can’t keep it together before their idols. Which is true, but he shouldn’t have to know that…

But he wasn’t thinking that. Quite the opposite actually. You were so out of place in his bar, he had to approach you. There was something in you which made him intrigued. While you were trying to hide, which he found a little bit cute and entertaining, he tried to study you as well. There was something in you. He felt like he wanted to know your story.

- So what’s the plan for today?

...........

[jemmahazelnut]

More than friends (or two idiots)

Summary: Laxus and Freed act like two boyfriends, but they're the only ones who don't notice. [Freed/Laxus]

Links: AO3 - Fanfiction

I hope it is at least readable, sorry for all the mistakes, English is not my first language.

More than friends (or two idiots)

It’s time to find a girl

Makarov snorted loudly and the boys around him turned to understand what was wrong.

"Something wrong?" Mirajane asked politely.

"That idiot of my grandson" snapped Makarov. Mirajane raised an eyebrow as Bickslow and Evergreen leaned curiously towards him: when it came to Laxus they were always interested. "He's twenty-six now, it's about time he found a girl to marry" he muttered.

"He’s still young" Mirajane told him, and Lisanna leaned on the counter curiously.

"I've never seen him with a girl" she said, wondering what his tastes were.

"Of course not! Nobody could stand him" snapped Makarov and Evergreen and Bickslow giggled "He needs a wife, that's no doubt, a girl to look after him and stop him from bullshitting" he continued undaunted, at which Bickslow laughed louder.

"Master, don't worry, he already has a wife, or rather… a husband" Bickslow said amused and the old man turned to him, arching an eyebrow. Mirajane and Lisanna turned to them in amazement and Bickslow giggled even more. "I mean, Freed has been looking after him for years and stops him from doing shit every time" he said. Makarov's eyes widened.

"They are engaged?" he asked.

"No!" Evergreen immediately exclaimed "But it's only a matter of time, sooner or later they will get together" she added. Makarov frowned and thought about the two boys, in fact he had never thought that there could be more than friendship between them. But the more he thought about Freed and Laxus, the clearer many things became in his mind, and the more a smile spread across his face. Yes, Freed would have been the ideal person for Laxus. He worried about him, scolded him for bullshit, and he was actually the only person who could stand it without freaking out. And besides, the two boys were already spending a lot of time together, maybe even they were already in a relationship.

“Are you sure they're not having a secret relationship? I wouldn't be surprised by those two” he said. Evergreen and Bickslow, however, nodded with conviction.

"We too had doubts" he admitted. "So, we sent Peppe to follow them, but there is nothing between them... unfortunately. They are just two idiots”.

Laundry

"What are you doing here?". Laxus knew that Freed would occasionally walk into his house without warning, checking that the refrigerator was full and shopping for him when he forgot, which didn't happen as often as the rune mage insisted. But it never happened that he walked into his room without his permission and... that was embarrassing, because Freed was holding his dirty clothes. Laxus wouldn't be interested if it weren't for his underwear, including a pair of leopard-print briefs, on top of the shirts his friend kept.

"The laundry, how many days have you not done it?" Freed asked.

"Mind your own fucking business!" Laxus growled, blushing slightly and trying to get his clothes back, but Freed backed away.

"If you had asked me, I would have done it for you" he told.

"You don't have to do this to me" Laxus snapped. Freed smiled.

"You know it's not a problem for me". The blonde grunted, it was a problem for him. He crossed his arms in annoyance, while Freed quietly walked to the bathroom throwing the clothes into the washing machine. When he touched his briefs, he blushed slightly and a smirk appeared on his face, at which Laxus ordered him to move and Freed threw them in, then set the program and start the machine. He stood up, turning to the blonde.

"I've never seen you in briefs" he said and Laxus gave him an embarrassed look, he shouldn't have known. Freed smiled a little amused. "You don't have to hide it from me, you know I'm wearing them" Laxus looked at him for a moment stunned while his face was colored with a pink shade. He had no ideawhat Freed was wearing under his clothes. And was Freed telling him so quietly? His expression must have been eloquent enough, because Freed arched an eyebrow. "You've seen me in swimsuit several times" he specified and Laxus turned his gaze away.

"Anyway, I'll do the laundry myself" he said brusquely.

"Absolutely not. I saw how you reduced your clothes, a white shirt turned pink and the sweater Evergreen gave you shrunk. I'll do it for you from now on" he decided and his tone did not allow for replies. Laxus was about to argue, but he froze when he realized something.

"Did you rummage in my closet?"

"Of course, I also fixed it for you, it was a disaster" Freed replied and then gave an amused smile. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your questionable patterned briefs set" Laxus blushed even more. Damned Freed and damned the day he gave him the house keys.

"Now go out, I have to clean up" Freed said opening a bathroom cabinet and Laxus raised an eyebrow, that was his bathroom, he wouldn't get out of there. "You heard me? Look what a mess, I said go out” he repeated pushing Laxus into the corridor. The blonde growled nervously but let him, vowing to take back the keys he had left him.

A quiet evening

It was three in the morning and Freed had not yet fallen asleep. The reason was simple, he couldn't tear himself away from that book and he didn't feel tired in the slightest. That's why he was the only one still awake in the library, sitting on the floor in a corner while he leafed through the pages of that tome. He was so engrossed in reading that he didn't notice someone had entered until he heard a voice and jumped.

"Still awake?" Freed looked up to see Laxus approaching him. Freed blushed slightly, knowing full well that the next day the two would train alone and had decided to start at six in the morning. Or rather, Laxus had made up his mind, because he wanted to do a tough workout and didn't like wasting time.

"I was just about to go to sleep" he lied while a slight blush filled his cheeks, he hoped that thanks to the darkness his friend would not notice it, but in vain because the blond arched an eyebrow.

"Really?" he asked blatantly ironic with a grin and Freed snorted looking down at the book. He was close to it, just a chapter and he would finish it.

"Well..." he began, but did not finish the sentence because Laxus sat next to him leaning his head against the wall. Freed looked at him a little surprised, he had thought that he would scold him and that he would remind him of the next day's training.

"What book is it?" he asked instead.

"One on dark magic" Freed said.

“Mm… then I'll wait for you. Tell me when you finish it” Laxus said, putting the headphones to his ears. Freed gave him a curious look and smiled to see him close his eyes and move his fingers slightly to the rhythm of the music. They were sitting so close that their arms touched each other and Freed began to read the book again. He could slightly hear the music coming from the headphones but he didn't bother him, not with Laxus standing next to him. When he was missing a few pages, he suddenly felt a weight on his shoulder. He turned in surprise and saw that Laxus had fallen asleep on him. He felt the warmth flooding his face and a smile widening, while he observed the calm expression of the boy who had begun to snore slightly. He slept soundly and still had headphones on. Freed gently took them off and turned off the music without waking him. He stood watching him for a while and wondered if he should wake him up. In the end he decided that he would do it later, he could not allow the boy to sleep uncomfortably. Meanwhile, however, he could enjoy that closeness.

Intentional forgetfulness

"Have you forgotten it again?" Freed snapped and Laxus rolled his eyes, ignoring the looks of Bickslow and Evergreen, who were arranging their sleeping bags in the wood.

"I was thinking of something else" he grunted nervously.

"This is the third time this month you have forgotten him, can I know what’s wrong with you?" Freed said annoyed. Laxus crossed his arms.

"Last time you said you would take care of it. Besides, you are the captain "he blurted out. Freed took a deep breath.

"Well, take mine then".

"Oh my God, don't start again, we all know how it's going to end" Bickslow said and the two boys turned to their friends. Laxus tried to hide his embarrassment and glanced at Freed, who had a sharp expression on his face but you could also see a slight blush. "Freed will offer his sleeping bag, then Laxus will say he won't let him sleep in the cold, you will ask us to share our sleeping bags and we will say no, and in the end, you will fall asleep together like two lovebirds in love" he snapped the tongue. Evergreen continued:

"And now they'll say it's not true, it's just because you can't sleep in the cold this season, but as it happens neither of them remembered Laxus' sleeping bag". Laxus looked at them in annoyance. Well, maybe he did it on purpose not to carry the sleeping bag, but damn it, if Freed had bothered sleeping with him so much, he would have remembered it instead of him, right?

"It's not my job to remind me of all your stuff, it's hard enough to keep up with the two of you" Freed immediately defended. "And in any case, you can feel the cold for yourself, but if you prefer sleep without a sleeping bag and leave it to Laxus, I really want to see how you freeze" he said. "And just to clarify, it's not that if two people sleep together, they are two lovebirds in love, if you don't understand the value of friendship and don't intend to share your sleeping bag with Laxus, then you'd better review your principles".

"Whatever" Bickslow muttered exasperatedly and Freed slipped into the sleeping bag. Laxus mentally thanked him for answering for both of them and lay down beside him. Since the sleeping bag was for one person, the two boys were inevitably stuck together, and that did nothing but please Laxus, even if he would never admit it. He observed Freed who in turn was looking at him red in the face.

"Laxus..." the rune wizard whispered after a while "Why do you always forget your sleeping bag?". The blonde felt a vague sensation of unease and snorted.

“You know I forget everything. Night” he snapped. Freed didn't insist closing his eyes.

"Goodnight" he murmured and Laxus watched his face relax as he felt a sensation of warmth spread from his stomach. He smiled and after a while closed his eyes.

Gift

Freed hated when it didn't add up. He usually had enough jewels with him, because he always carried something extra with him just in case. However, that last mission had caused a lot of trouble and Freed had had to buy drugs that cost exaggeratedly. So, he found himself with the jewels flush and he was quite nervous. Sure, it was still a good sum, but Freed had come to that city to stock up on books and now he found himself having to choose which book to leave behind. A difficult choice, considering that they were all unique and extremely valuable copies. So, he had been in that library for hours, sitting at a table surrounded by about twenty books while he tried to rationally evaluate which one to leave there.

"You're still here?" a voice broke out above him and the rune mage looked up: Laxus was back from the music store.

"I'm almost done" Freed assured him.

"You've been in here for hours, even Evergreen finished shopping before you" said the blonde and Freed snorted. It wasn't an easy choice! Was he leaving behind the book on ancient curses or the one on white magic? Or maybe it was better to forget the one about runic writing, after all he already had some at home, but that one had so much more information... There was no right choice. But Laxus was right and he certainly didn't want to make his comrades waste any more time. With a bitter look he began to take the books and put them in the trolley from the most important to the least, but when he got to the last three books he stopped dubiously. He still hadn't chosen which one to leave there. Laxus frowned at him.

"What's the problem?" he blurted out.

"None, I just have to choose which book to get" Freed muttered and eventually took two, reluctantly leaving the one on runic writing there. His heart was crying to abandon him. "Enough, I have chosen" he said more to himself than to Laxus, and with the trolley he walked towards the cashier to pay. The woman seemed happy enough to sell all those books and Freed left the bookstore embittered.

"Finally!" Evergreen exclaimed. Freed gave her a dirty look, usually it was she who kept him waiting for hours, she couldn't really tell him anything.

“Why that snout? You bought yourself a lot of books” Bickslow observed. Freed snorted.

"Nothing, let's go" he cut him short.

"Now we have to wait for Laxus" Evergreen observed. Freed threw a surprised look inside the library, Laxus was actually buying a book. The blond came out shortly after with the tome on runic writing and stuffed it into Freed's bag, who immediately felt warmth in his face taken aback.

"L ... Laxus, you didn’t have to do it" he stammered.

"Now keep it, and next time tell me instead of wasting our time" grunted the blonde. Freed smiled running his fingers over the cover.

"Thanks" he said genuinely pleased.

"Tsk. Better for you that you take that muzzle off your face, come on, let's go” Laxus ordered and walked away, Freed happily joined him ignoring the giggles of his teammates.

Birthday cake

Laxus knew how to cook, he simply let Freed do it most of the time because his friend liked to do it. So, the teasing of Bickslow and Evergreen had no basis. So, after being teased by the two friends, more as a personal challenge than anything else, Laxus had made up his mind to cook the cake for Freed's birthday. The problem? The cake Bickslow told him to make was made from three layers of custard, with cream puffs and cream on top. That bastard had chosen something complex on purpose just to get him damned.

So now Laxus found himself with the cream puffs in the small oven, the cake in the large oven and the custard that he was preparing in a saucepan over the fire. He was nervous, there were too many things around and too many things to watch out for. Making that cake was turning out to be a nightmare. Laxus smelled the smell of burning, he didn’t initially understand what it was among all those things, so first he turned off the saucepan in which he was mixing the cream, then he took out the cream puffs and finally realized that it was the base of the cake that was burning.

"Shit". It was really burned on the bottom and sides. "Maybe I can cut off the burned part" he thought and took a knife and began to pull away, but the more he pulled away the more the cake took on a horrible shape, and finally Laxus threw it in the garbage can. "Fuck!" he blurted out irritably.

"Everything good?" Laxus turned suddenly realizing that this was Freed and had just entered the house. Shit. He had nothing to give him and the cake was gone.

"Laxus was trying to bake your birthday cake" Bickslow grinned from the living room. Laxus would have thrown the knife at him if he had been nearby, and he noticed how Freed's face turned red as he walked into the kitchen.

“Oh… you didn’t have to do it”.

"In any case, I burned it, so you won't have a shit" Laxus snapped irritably. Damn Bickslow, if he hadn’t chosen the cake to prepare by then it would have been ready. Freed smiled as he approached the stove.

"Can I taste?" he asked him pointing to the custard and Laxus motioned him to do what he wanted. Freed took a teaspoon and tasted. “It's good, and the cream puffs seem ready to be filled”.

"Then you'll have the cream puffs" Laxus grunted and Freed took the sack to start filling them. Laxus stopped him immediately. "It's your birthday. I'll do it” he said sharply, but Freed lifted his face and smiled softly at him, so much so that Laxus felt his stomach flutter.

"I like to cook, let's do it together?" he asked timidly. Laxus was unable to say no, and ended up holding the cream puffs while Freed filled them with cream, even though by now the blond could not help but look at the beaming smile on his friend's face. If it took so little to make him happy, perhaps he should have cooked more often for him.

A rose

Mirajane and Juvia had made up their minds to decorate the whole guild hall for Valentine's Day, Freed had been pulled in the middle -he didn't know how yet- and now he had the task of buying flowers. So that morning he found himself with two bunches of roses in his hand as he walked towards the guild. He passed Laxus's house and wondered if it would be a good idea to declare himself that day. In reality it seemed to him that he was already quite obvious, but perhaps with Laxus he had to be more explicit. The thought, however, agitated him, because even if he seemed to have a certain intimacy with Laxus, he was not sure that he had interpreted his behavior well. He didn't want to pressure him, or ruin what was going on between them, whatever he was.

He didn't realize he had stopped in front of his house until the door opened and Laxus walked out. Freed beamed at him but noticed that the boy's face was becoming perplexed and… was he blushing?

"Morning" Laxus said brusquely as he approached.

"Morning, I was going to the guild" Freed greeted him. He started to walk away but noticed that the blonde was looking at him as if he was expecting something. Freed frowned and following his gaze he noticed that he was staring at the roses he was holding.

"Flowers for Mirajane" Freed explained right away.

"Mirajane?" Laxus asked frowning and Freed realized how bad he had sounded.

"No! I mean, she has to decorate the hall and she sent me to buy them” he explained.

"Oh. Okay” Laxus said in surprise, putting his hands in his pockets. The two boys advanced in silence, while Freed occasionally cast a few curious glances at Laxus. He had seemed almost disappointed before, as if he had thought the roses were for him. Perhaps he would like to receive them. Freed blushed at the thought of giving him a rose and shook his head. Of course not, Laxus was not the type for flowers, nor for such romantic fuss.

But when he arrived in the guild Freed noticed how the boy watched the other couples exchange gifts. At that point he made up his mind. Even if Laxus didn't seem like the romantic type, he could always be wrong. Moreover, by giving him flowers he would finally express his feelings towards him.

So that evening Freed took courage and, with a single red rose in his hand, showed up at Laxus's house.

"Happy Valentine's Day" he said awkwardly, holding out the rose in front of him as Laxus opened it, feeling his cheeks ablaze for what he was daring to do.

"Tsk. Do I look like the type to give a rose to?" Laxus snapped and Freed blushed even more wanting to bury himself in embarrassment. He was about to put the flower aside, but Laxus took it between his fingers. "Come in, there's a good movie on the Lacrima" he told and Freed obeyed a little uncertainly. But when he saw how Laxus turned the rose in his fingers with a tiny smile on his face, he immediately relaxed. Laxus really liked the gift.

Two idiots

Freed and Laxus were sitting quietly at the guild when Makarov called out to them. The two approached immediately thinking that the Master had a mission to give them. Makarov actually had a huge smile on his face.

"Guys, I've booked a table for you at the restaurant on the corner, go there, it's my reward for all the missions you've done lately" he told them. Laxus raised a doubtful eyebrow, wondering when the old man was so kind, while Freed offered him a thousand thanks. In the end, however, they accepted, Laxus still a little doubtful about the old man's intentions, while Freed still deeply grateful to the Master.

"Well, go out on a date" Bickslow grinned next to him and the two looked at him stunned.

"It's just a thank you from the Master" Freed replied while blushing visibly. Bickslow didn't insist and finally Laxus and Freed headed for the restaurant.

"You say it's a date?" he dared to ask Freed all of a sudden, that he'd been thinking about it all afternoon.

"No" Laxus snapped immediately. "Bickslow imagines things, that's all" he said dryly. Freed didn't argue. After all, date or not, he was going to spend an evening with Laxus, and that was all he wanted.

"DEGENERATED GRANDCHILD!" they heard Makarov's scream and the two turned to see the old man waving his stick above him with Bickslow and Evergreen at his side.

"I told you Master, they're two idiots" Bickslow chuckled.

[mouse-fantoms]

Easier Than Speaking

I just want to say that this only popped into my head because I saw @16fandomlover’s post about this. I’m the type of person to where if an idea is had then my brain will just start writing on it’s own and then I can never get it out of my head until it is written down. So without further ado, here it is!

Julie sat on her bed, criss-cross, using her binder as a hard surface to write on as she did her homework. Her dad was very clear about the whole “school-first” rule when it came to being in her own band, which was understandable. She was only in high school and she did miss the first three hours of school the night of the dance when the boys... well... ghosted her.

Once finishing her homework she could down to the garage and either hang with the guys or rehearse with them depending on if they had a gig to practice for or not. If Alex and Reggie weren’t in the studio and they didn’t have to rehearse for a gig that would be prime time for her and Luke to write together.

As she wrote the answer to the latest math problem on her paper, her phone light up besides her. A message from Flynn. She took a small moment away from her work to text back her best friend. Flynn had asked about what she saw Nick and her talk about earlier. Julie texted back and informed her of what happened about how he had asked her out but she politely declined. She saw the ‘Delivered’ message turn to ‘Read’ immediately upon sending. The light gray 3 dots appeared for a second then disappeared. She set her phone back down next to her expecting to get a reply later. When she sent it down she saw one of the guys poof to the foot of her bed from her peripheral vision.

“Oh you’re home.”

She looked up seeing it was Luke. “What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to see if you were home yet so we could write.”

“Well I am but school first.” She guestured to her homework. “Unless you want to help me with givens and proves then you can stay but until then you can wait.” She didn’t expect to get an answer.

“Givens and proves? Ugh, that’s-” the words seemed to trigger a memory for him. “Those are so annoying. If you want math help go to Alex.”

“Really?” The guy’s lives before meeting her never really came up.

Sure, she was curious but there was probably a reason for it not coming up that often. Unless it came up in conversation she knew not to press for information. She knew to keep her boundaries (unlike some people).

“Yeah and if you need science help go to Reggie, even though he says he’s not that good, he was always better at it than Alex and I ever were.”

“What about you?”

“I was always decent at English.”

She nodded in agreement. “That makes sense.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well with how you write your songs and how they turn out I can see how that could translate into an English class.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “sometimes writing is easier than speaking.”

“Speaking of writing, you can try to write something with one of the guys.” She suggested instead of him just having to wait for her.

He shook his head. “Reggie mainly wants to write country songs.”

“...Is that a bad thing?”

“What is with you two and country songs?!”

“Just give Home Is Where My Horse Is a chance.”

“He showed you it didn’t he?! I thought you would be strong.”

“Come on! Riding through trees by the river, Feel the summer breeze smile gettin’ bigger. Those are some killer lyrics.”

“It’s not even-“ he decided to let it go. “Oh! Speaking of lyrics,” he pulled something from his pocket, “I was meaning to ask you-”

She saw him unfold the paper that was folded into fourths. Her eyes went wide as she realized the writing. The handwriting on the back side of the paper was readable (so not Luke’s) and was scribbled and rushed. As if it was written in a hurry to get it out of a mind.

“Where’d you find that?” She asked hurried.

“It was on the piano.” He responded. “Was it a quick little song inspiration before school?”

“Uhh... yeah. Song... inspriation.” She agreed.

“These lyrics are-”

The anticipation for his next word worried her. Did he figure it out? He probably did. The song was very obviously about him.

“-killer.”

Oh ok, that was fine. That didn’t entirely mean that he figured it out.

Just then Julie turned her attention to her left where she heard someone poof in.

“See I told you he would be here!” Reggie told Alex next to him.

“I knew he would be but she told us to stay out of her room.” He answered.

“At least one of you understands boundaries.” She said to herself.

“What are you two doing here?” Luke looked up to see the pair.

“Seeing if you were here and not to bug Julie because she has school first to do.” Alex replied.

“Yeah I do! That’s right! I should probably finish and if I could also have that song back too,” she grabbed it from his hands, “I accidentally left it out at the piano it’s not even that... good.” She folded it back into fourths and put it on her nightstand for the time being.

“Not that good? Seriously!? What are you talking about?”

She hoped he would stop mentioning it. It made her anxious that at any point he would figure it out.

“Whoever that’s about is so lucky! If it is about anyone.”

“If?” Alex still couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized. “Really you still-” Julie gave him a glare that could rival the one of when they intruded on the family dinner the first night they’d met. “Yeah,” he immediately switched topics, “who ever that song is about is really lucky.” He ended up agreeing with Luke.

“We’re heaven on earth, melody and words” he began to sing, “Those are rad! That’s exactly why you’re a star!” She could see the look in his eyes whenever he talked about music. The fire and the passion. Also the way he lit up when he talked about her. It was one of the qualities she’d learned about him.

“...like a bright and burning one.” Reggie said under his breath which in response Julie gave the same glare she gave to Alex. Meanwhile, Luke asked what he said because he didn’t catch it.

“Uhh...” Julie giving him the death glare did not help as he thought of a response to tell him, “like always! Julie’s always a star like you always say! Yeah, always.” He looked to Julie to see if he did good and she let out a small sigh of relief.

“Always.” He gave his Luke smile to her. He finally moved away from her bed to the boys who had poofed by her closet.

As he walked over to them the front door being opened was heard and then running up the stairs which turned Julie’s attention toward her open bedroom door. Within seconds she saw Flynn rush into her room, passing right through Luke, about to start one of her rants to her.

“Woah... that is weird.” He looked to Reggie in response to being walked through. It wasn’t like last time when Julie and him were in the kitchen and she walked through him with her sandwich ingredients. It was sudden and quick.

“Right!”

“She’s determinated.” He could feel.

Flynn took a seat on Julie’s bed with her. She began going on about school as well as about band stuff to her friend, meanwhile the boys were still in her room overhearing the conversation. Considering she was talking about some stuff referring to the band maybe she would mention some other things too and it was easier staying instead of having Julie bring it up to them later.

“Speaking of that,” Flynn continued on about what she was talking about as her friend just sat and listened, “onto the other, well MAIN reason I came. Please tell me you did not decline a date with an actual person, and the actual person being Nick of all people, because of the whole Luke thing.”

Julie’s eyes went wide. “Flynn...” she said worried hoping she would hear and get the memo to stop talking.

“Luke thing?” The one who’s name was mentioned raised an eyebrow at.

“You’ve waited for it to happened for how long? Only to decline him for what? Some air-”

“Air?” The statement offended him. He turned to his friends next to him. “Am I just air?”

“Well on the techinal side-” Alex bumped Reggie in the arm alerting him to look at Julie to show him that this was not the time for their antics. She had a flustered expression as she just wanted her friend to stop talking but was not getting the memo just going on and on.

“-oh no sorry “cute air” to quote you-”

“...Flynn.” She pleaded starting to put her head in her knees.

“-like I said Luke is next level to crush on. I mean you have liked Nick for how long? And then he gets up staged by this random ghost guy. I mean don’t get me wrong they brought music back into your life and that’s amazing but to decline Nick over some dead guy. Although I get that you two clicked but you could have also had that with Nick, but I mean it has been awhile. If he asked you before class the other day, when the whole time instead of dancing with Nick you were imaging Luke, would you have said yes then? He really just has bad timing all the time now doesn’t he?”

Julie sat with her head in her knees wanting to curl into a ball from... well... a lot of things.

“Jules?” She asked. “What’s- ...the guys are here aren’t they?”

Still with her head in her knees she nodded.

“...all of them?”

She nodded once again.

She hoped it wasn’t as bad as what she thought. “...Including-”

“What else does all of them mean?” She picked her head up to look at her, trying to disregard the ghosts she saw from the corner of her eye. “There’s only 3!”

“...you know...” she sat up from the bed backing up towards the door, “I think I hear your dad calling...” when she backed up against the wall close to the door she turned around, went out the room and rounded the corner going down the staircase.

As much as she didn’t want to, there was nothing else to do but look to the boys. Alex and Reggie gave the same look of uneasiness. Meanwhile Luke was, well, stunned to say the least.

“...it’s not so bad.” Alex tried to help.

The response in the form of a look told him otherwise.

“Reg, something tells me we overstayed our welcome.”

“...yeah... hey maybe you could hang with Ray and-” Alex poofed away before Reggie could finish. “Guess it’ll just be me and Ray then.” He concluded before poofing away himself leaving the... interesting pair alone.

“...cute air?” Luke finally found the words to say.

Julie groaned as her head went to the ceiling and her body fell into the pillows behind her.

“You know that song makes a lot more sense now.”

“Yeah...” she sighed, “it does. Sometimes writing is easier than talking.”

She felt the end of her bed go down. She picked herself up to see that he had taken a seat at the edge.

“...it’s still a pretty rad song.” He kept his space from her guessing her emoions. “Reggie and Alex seemed to put it together pretty quickly.”

“I don’t get how you didn’t.”

“My guess was it was about that Nick guy.”

“I wish.” She then realized how bad that sounded. “That’s not what I-”

“It’s fine I know what you meant. Falling for some ghost probably isn’t on your bucket list.”

“Well it wasn’t but then you guys showed up.”

“Well do be fair you did call us cute.”

“You also thought I was a witch.” She brought up.

“There were chairs on the ceiling. What else is the logical explanation?”

“Maybe tying them there for storage.”

“Reggie had a very convincing arugment.”

“Argum-” she paused, “it’s Reggie! What arugment?”

“Alex said that witches don’t exist then Reggie said how they say ghosts don’t exist but here we are now.” He gestured to himself.

They shared a laughed together. This was nice. Not having any tension in the air. No akwardness. Just Julie and Luke being... Julie and Luke.

[moonless-if]

Hey, for me my preference for flirt options is decided by if they are being marked as [RO] or with a heart or something or not. English isn't my first language and even if I understand it pretty well some subtly implicated things tend to go over my head. So I would prefer if I could see which options are for a possible romance route, that way I could also recognize those casual flirt options. Otherwise I don't really mind either way. Even if I play a flirty MC, I don't have to flirt with everyone. If you want to write those unrequited flirt options and feel inspired to, that's cool! But if you feel uncomfortable about it or if you are just more interested in exploring something else, that's fine too. I think the most important thing is how you feel about it! Hope you have a nice day 🤗

Thank you all for your responses! (And you over in the replies on the post as well, I saw you too! ♥)

Most of you seem to be open to the idea of being able to flirt with Khalida/Rainn even if you wouldn't be able to pursue a romance with them, depending on your MCs gender, because it adds a sense of realism and complexity, which is exactly why I didn't immediately reject the idea of being able to flirt with Khalida and Rainn, even they wouldn't be attracted to all MCs.

I'm definitely planning on having the ROs orientations being made known in game in some way (even if I haven't fully figured out how yet) because I personally don't like ambiguity when it comes to sexual orientations in games (ie. ROs being/being interpreted as player-sexual).

When it comes to mean anons complaining about being misled (a sorta(?) valid complaint if they've gone blind into the game, but it's entirely possible I'll just add a disclaimer at the start of the game so that everyone knows who they can romance/that not all ROs are available as such, depending on MCs gender.

As for the flirt options being clearly marked as flirt options with a ♥ or [flirt] or what-have-you, don't worry anon! I was already planning on having that! I get you on readability being important for non-native English speakers/readers (English is my second language too!)

I'm even considering adding tone indicators everywhere they might be useful, like ""Why did you do this?" [angry]", or possibly ""Why did you do that?" you yell angrily" because figuring out the tone of a dialogue option with zero clues has gotten me in some sticky situations in IF games at times, and I know it's something a lot of people can struggle with!

Thank you again for sending in your thoughts, and if anyone else wants to, both my ask box and DMs are open! Or you could just write a reply on this post! ♥

[rigelmejo]

this is gonna be just a mash of things this article made me think about - “why chinese is so damn hard”

In it, they wrote that:  At the end of three years of learning Chinese, I hadn't yet read a single complete novel.

Ok so. To be fair to them, one of the books they tried reading for pleasure (as in without a dictionary) was The Dream of the Red Chamber after 6 years of study. Which is like reading Shakespeare - its literary, its older, its fair if that is difficult especially for pleasure. (As in english speaking countries, we’ve been in school 9+ years before we’re asked to read Shakespeare and other classical type literary works).  

But back to focusing on the “end of three years” thing. 

When I started learning chinese, I was basically motivated by a person who wrote an article about how they looked at a little grammar, some radicals explanations, then brute forced 2000 common words memrise decks, then started reading with a click dictionary for pleasure. And it worked for them! And so, being me and very curious to ‘test’ if things work: I wanted to try it too. I did more prep work, more extra hanzi work than that article mentioned. And I don’t think it felt pleasurable with a click dictionary (I used pleco) for a while - but it was doable with a click-dictionary at that point so I do think that person who wrote the article was pretty honest about the progress they’d made. For me, and I think them if I remember correctly, that was around 8 months to start reading with a click dictionary. 

I read another article back in the middle of this, by Timo (who made Timo’s All in One Chinese anki deck), where he said he’d learned enough to pass HSK 4 in somewhere between 6 months to a year (I can’t remember exactly how long but it was a year or less). I think I covered all the HSK 4 words in memrise by 10 months, and probably felt comfortable with most of them around 14 months? And Now its been almost 2 years and if I were to take an HSK test that’s probably the one that I would pass with some study (I imagine I could try an HSK 5 one with some prep beforehand maybe?). HSK 4 is what I “aimed for” since I’d also read articles around that time of people saying that’s about when simple webnovels got “doable with a click dictionary” and when learning words FROM what you read started helping reading percent comprehension more than HSK. Which is a statement I agree with - I learned vocabulary mainly from reading after that point, and as a result it has definitely improved my reading comprehension and vocabulary (like it made Xiao Wang Zi pretty readable without dictionary etc, Zhen Hun is now readable without a dictionary, Daomubiji is), but these words I’ve picked up only matched maybe 50-70% with HSK 5-6 words (which is why I’d need to prep if I wanted to take an HSK 5 test probably).

So. I do think: if you WANT to read, if your GOAL is to read chinese novels? That is doable in 3 years. Certainly doable in 6. Especially if you are willing to study, and to read a LOT. 

General opinions I’ve found surrounding the topic of reading in Chinese include: reading through several books (10,000 pages) will help reading speed/ease, the more you read the easier (and faster) it gets. The more words you know, the easier it gets (WORDS not hanzi, and words generally being 5,000-15,000 for ease-feeling depending on your own tolerance for ambiguity). So basically: yes it will be super slow going at first, YES the speed will improve, yes you don’t need to dread not being able to pick up a book until X years into studying. I’ve seen people who started reading after 8 months (the guy who used a click dictionary who inspired me), or people that started after 1-3 years (me at around 1 year, a lot of people around HSK 4-6, a lot of people once they’ve learned 2k hanzi or 2k-5k words etc). 

I personally noticed a page used to take me 30 minutes... then 20... then 15... then 5... now a bit under 5 minutes (and ‘easier’ books less time). So reading speed will eventually get better. Mine still has some improvements that need to be reached eventually lol. I can say at about 1500 hanzi reading and picking up hanzi IN reading (provided you have an audiobook or click-dictionary with audio to hear the hanzi sound) seemed to start working pretty well. So I do think 2000 hanzi is actually a fair estimate of ‘reading will get doable without a dictionary by then.’ I may be around 2000 hanzi known now, and most of the time the hanzi I see are either brand new words (which I SHOULD learn) or part of descriptions/similar words to things I know and I can guess (and with audio also learn them). Hanzi have gotten easier to guess now, to remember, to make connections with.

My point is just that if you want to read - read early, read often, you do not need to be afraid it’s impossible. 

There are people who got into reading way faster than me, people who did much slower. And also tolerance of ambiguity is a big deal - I do think chinese requires more tolerance of ambiguity when making the transition to reading native content (versus learner materials and graded readers) since there’s unknown hanzi you won’t be able to avoid. I’ve got a pretty high tolerance, but yeah there might be ‘slogging’ for a while depending on where your tolerance level is. If you can comprehend the ‘overall main idea’ of paragraphs, sentences? You can understand it enough to learn from it (though how ‘draining’ it will feel will depend on difficulty of the reading and your own tolerance for ambiguity). I saw one translator estimate 3-4 years to read webnovels for pleasure (so no dictionary necessary) and I think that’s a pretty fair estimate (if you’re studying regularly, trying to practice reading with graded readers and click-dictionaries). I’m at almost 2 years and some webnovels I can read for pleasure without a dictionary, many feel better with one but somewhat doable without one, and some I slog through even with a dictionary. I think 3-4 years is a pretty good estimate if you’re studying regularly. 

My other main thought is just... oh man. Reading that someone did not complete their first chinese novel in 3 years MAKES me want to finish a chinese novel before August (that’s my 2 year mark -3-)! I mean technically I finished Xiao Wangzi and a Xiao Mao book but those are both for children and quite short. But yeah nothing motivates me like a challenge to see if something is doable or not...

Somewhat related to this, but I got a new version of Zhen Hun recently (the traditional character version because the covers are SO freaking lovely). And it seems to match up to the webnovel chapters?? So unlike my simplified copy, this one doesn’t have extra scenes and changed scenes and added details in each chapter. I only skimmed (and its chapters are broken up differently than the webnovel which is pretty normal) so I’m not sure if my traditional version has the extras or Shen San extra (my simplified copy does). It does not have the Kunlun prologue my simplified copy has. But, since this traditional copy matches up to the webnovel pretty close (just a few wording changes like next/then/after etc), I could read it very easy! It’s my first time reading traditional chinese in longer novel form since MoDu or The MDZS, so its cool seeing my progress from 6 months in to now. 

[summoner-chan]

It's always kind of hard to identify what makes one's style different huh, but if I had to say what I most like about yours is the way you draw your complex lines without losing any readability, its most clear when you draw long flowing hair and in your OC's arm as well!

I totally get what you mean with coloring digitally, coloring is one of the main reasons I haven't done traditional art in a looong while.

From your Question Game: Sitri, Aizen

I think those haven't been asked yet?

I mean, I DO have a tendency to do complex things and make my life harder by making those lines for the hair 😂😂 but it makes me satisfied looking at them in the end so it'd a give and take situation

No doubt, what said made me realize it's one of the prominent features I have in every artwork skskksksks

Okay but for real, I was SO confused on what you mean by my OC's arm and thinking SO SO HARD on what was so complex on my Summoner's arm until then. I realized. You were referring Darius 😂😂

Maybe my art style is overcomplicating lines or just over detailed line works skksksksk (also please excuse the cake she has in that one picture- I swear the main focus was her tattoos and the dragon which was cropped off and not her asscheeks 😂-)

I rarely do coloured traditional artwork because they end up looking not as good as the sketch so it pains me hhhh (´;︵;`) but yeah, I really like sketching in traditional because it feels much more natural(? I have no idea but this is what I feel, like nyoom nyoom my hand go brrr- oh no I smudged a line FUCK- that sort of thing 😂)

Also time for the Housamo Ask Game!~✨✨

Note, this is going to get pretty lengthy so I apologize for that (｡•́︿•̀｡)

[Sitri]

Someone who I look up to when I was younger? Hmmmmm, hard to say because I admired a LOT of people when I was younger, even if it was the most simplest of things. For example, someone being able to cook a certain dish, someone who can tackle on multiple tasks and etc etc. 😂 I was a kid that get excited at almost everything so I tend to try to do what everyone does. You're cooking? Well, I'm gonna cook too!! (A 6 year old little girl who couldn't even reached the sink yet-)

Fun fact, I started drawing because my second sister watched anime and started to draw so me being the a mazed little sister I am, I quickly followed in her footsteps. Usually siblings would bond over that kind of thing but unfortunately not for me and my sister 😂

She absolutely hated my guts that time and she hated me even more once I started to follow what she was doing. Basically calling me a impersonator/copy cat and she would throw a fit if I was drawing anywhere near her when she was drawing.

Though along the way, she eventually stopped drawing when she had reached high school while young me continued to draw anyway. At first, the reason why I wanted to draw was because that I wanted to get praises from my sisters since during my childhood, they would shoo me off and they would play only between themselves, making me having to play with my mom most of the time or just plain watch the tv the entire day.

I was constantly drawing something everyday and every moment I had the chance, simply because I wanted to get better so that my second sis would acknowledge me. This lead up to being the hobby of drawing ingrained into me, the simply hobby now fully a part of me and my childhood.

I vividly remembered where during in primary school, we were having an art test where we would have to draw a flamingo and of course since I was the quiet art kid in class, some of the popular young girls begged me to draw the flamingos for them which I then profusely refused since cheating was a bad thing. Though I'd wish that young me wouldn't have been so easily scared by the threat of them not being friends with me anymore ( ；∀；)

In the end, I ended up drawing for half of the class in secret and got scolded by the teacher for drawing for them (she said something along the lines of 'You can't help other people! They should do their own!' like Miss, why are you getting angry at me :( I was 6 + this wasn't the first time the popular girls cheated, it also happened during English test and they kept bothering me about the answers, same threat btw)

Now that I'm older, I don't have anyone specific that I look up to but I look up to anyone in general. Like, I'd admire someone who takes up their courage to do things they were scared of doing or someone who's confident in their abilities when they're usually so shy like yeah!! I admire you so much!!! It maybe insignificant but to me it might have been the most extraordinary thing!

[Aizen]

What ticks me off but not for others? Hard question 😂

I don't get mad easily but when I do, it's just a short while before I go back to normal, the only thing you're going to witness me being angry is just not talking to you for a certain amount of time, completely avoiding you and staying in another different room 😂 then once I cool off, I'm back to being to a annoying rat skskksskks

Though, if I were to really answer this properly, I think what ticks me off the most when someone just cuts me off while I'm talking and tells me that I'm being too loud. I know that this thing would probably tick anyone off if they can't help controlling their voice volume-

I can make my voice really loud when I want it to be without even straining my throat 😂 One time, I was calling out to my fellow art members who was across the field which in turn I had to make my voice a bit louder.

This caused one of the passing group students (they're somewhat troublemakers sksksks) following suite of trying to call them (they were mocking me) and this whole shouting thing made one of the disciplinary teachers come out of her office and yelled at the group of students, telling them they were being too loud and they were causing a ruckus (ngl I was scared shitless but like internal happy dance because I didn't get scolded by her 😂 Still feel bit bad tho for them)

Eventually, the fellow art members saw and heard us from a distance and came right over, promptly saying that my voice could be hear across the field (they can also hear my voice from the 2nd floor too)

Thank you for sending an ask in!! Another thing is that, so sorry for talking too much- I tend to get carried away with these kinds of things since I'm too much of a chatterbox and open person myself-

Feel free to send in more by the way! (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

[hydra-collector]

pretty

Pairings: Logince

Characters: Logan Sanders, Roman Sanders, Virgil Sanders (mentioned), Patton Sanders (mentioned)

TW: drinking, cursing, lil angst

Words: 1,629

Summary: Logan decides he should get drunk at least once in his life, just to see how it affects him. This was a bad idea.

Note: Human AU

Roman hadn’t expected this to happen.

When Logan had told him that he wanted to get drunk at least once in his life, and report his findings about how it affected him, he didn’t know he meant this drunk.

He’d ended up needing him to take him away from the bar altogether, as he couldn’t even balance on the bar stool. They’d moved into a booth, Roman explaining to the waitress his situation. Hell, Logan couldn’t even be alone in the booth without Roman there making sure he didn’t just collapse on the bench and go to sleep.

Logan was currently writing in the notebook he brought to report his findings (what he was writing, no one would ever know, since his writing was completely illegible. Roman didn’t even know if he was trying to write English anymore) with his glasses long since fallen on the table.

Eventually he let his head rest on the notebook, staring at Roman. He did have to admit that Logan was very pretty. Even while drunk.

He turned his head and scribbled something on his paper, large and just barely readable. Roman didn’t see it before Logan’s head fell onto it again.

“Pretty…”

Logan smiled a dopey smile, shoving himself closer to Roman and putting his head in his arms again.

“Pretty like… dolphins. Dolphins are pretty, and shiny. They have… smooth skin, did you know that? It’s smooth.”

“...What’s pretty, like dolphins?”

“You. You’re pretty.”

He smiled wide, wider than he usually did, and shoved his head into Roman’s stomach like a cat.

“You’re so… what’s the word that Birg- Virb-, no, Virgil told me? Ex- extra? It’s funny, and cute, and you’re so much BIGGER than him. He gets boooring, no one thinks boring is pretty, but you just act pretty and say pretty things. You’re so pretty. You’re so good.”

Roman could barely make out what he was saying from his mouth, smushed against his jacket, but he was sure of what he was hearing.

“You should cuddle me. No one cuddles me anymore.”

“They don’t cuddle you anymore?”

Roman barely knew what to do at this point, finally noticing the rising temperature on his cheeks when Logan nuzzled further into his jacket when he put his arms around his drunk friend.

“They don’t love me anymore. I don’t love me anymore. But I love you and so does everyone else, ‘cause you’re really pretty. I’m sad a lot, because they don’t love me, but you love me, right? Someone as warm as you has to love anyone. You’re cuddly.”

Is he okay? He’s never said anything like this before.

“Of course I do, Logan. And everyone else does too.”

“I don’t care about everyone else right now. I care about you. You’re pretty.”

Roman finally remembered that Logan had written something on his paper, bigger than everything else he’d written. In actually readable characters, he saw “GAY.”

He felt his cheeks get even darker.

Logan shifted his position, laying his head on Roman’s lap, his knees scrunched up and his smile remaining, in all its dumb glory.

“You’re pretty. I wanna kiss you.”

“Uh, maybe when you’re sober, Logan?”

“But you’re pretty now. Do you not like me?”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t… like to kiss you, I’m just saying, I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to-”

Roman realized it wasn’t enough to say that when he felt a tugging at his collar. He bumped his head on the table as he was pulled downwards. Their lips collided awkwardly, barely even touching at all at first. Logan found Roman’s lips properly after a few moments, though. Roman pulled himself away, knocking his head again. He was going to get a bump at this point.

Holy shit.

Holy shit, my best friend just kissed me.

“I can’t kiss you?”

“It- It’s just, this is the first time you’ve kissed me before, and I don’t even know if you’ve kissed anyone before and you’re really drunk-”

“I don’ care.”

Logan made a pouty face. God, did Roman want to kiss him. But what would be the consequences the next day? Roman would know what had happened and Logan would have kissed him, and what would happen to their relationship?

I mean, it’s not like he’s going to remember.

Sure, he’s the one trying to kiss you, but-

Logan pulled him down again, but Roman pulled away before long, pulling Logan out from the booth. He carried him and his notebook plus his glasses outside (paying the bartender awkwardly) as the drunk man continued reaching his head up to Roman’s cheeks.

“Let’s not do that inside.”

Roman placed him in the passenger seat of the car once they got out to it. He’d had a little bit of alcohol, but stopped soon, when he discovered what a lightweight Logan was. It had been a while already.

“You’re so pretty, Roman.”

Logan leaned over the middle of the car, apparently deciding to go to sleep on Roman’s lap. He didn’t even seem to want to kiss him anymore, exhausted enough to just go to sleep, it seemed.

“Logan, I need to get you home-”

“Cuddle me.”

“It’s nearly midnight-”

“Cuddles?”

Roman couldn’t resist Logan’s adorable voice as he moved progressively more onto the dramatic one’s lap. He pulled him close, softening at the smile that appeared on the nerd’s face. He leaned his seat back, Logan pretty much curled up in a ball on his torso. He’d drive home later. He’d probably benefit from a little more time after drinking anyway, even if it hadn’t affected him that much.

~~

He didn’t mean to fall asleep.

He woke up to quite a few messages on his phone, most of them from Patton and Virgil. The events of the previous night floated like a dream in his mind. It was absurd, absolutely absurd. He’d learned… quite a few things about his friend.

“Roman?”

Logan’s eyes were shut tight against the sunlight, rubbing his head, uncurling himself a little. His voice was tired, and Roman couldn’t help but notice how adorable he was.

“What’s…”

Logan poked a little at the surface he was sitting on, squinting his eyes open to see it. They widened in shock when he saw it was Roman’s shirt, leading up to his face. He squirmed away, back into the passenger seat. He shoved the glasses on the dashboard back on his face.

“Turns out you’re the emotional drunk.”

Roman handed him the notebook at the first page, and he started to flip through it. He’d taken quite a few notes.

“Remember anything?”

It seemed Logan had reached the “GAY” page, because his cheeks turned from their slowly darkening pink, to red.

“N-no,”

“You said I’m an emotional drunk? Did you read this?”

“No. I can tell you what I saw, though. If, if you want. It was part of the agreement, but...”

“But what?”

“I don’t know, you might… rather not know.”

Logan’s face turned to its usual seriousness, with a hint of anxiety in his eyes.

“...What happened?”

“Well, you kind of… confessed your love to me. I think. I mean, you kept calling me pretty and then you-”

He cut himself off, not sure if he should proceed. Logan’s face was already a dark blush.

“Roman?”

“You… well, you, you, kinda, well, not really kind of, you did, but you, uhm- you kissed me.”

Logan would have apologized if he could say anything at the moment. His voice faltered in his throat, and he instead leaned forward in his seat, putting his head in his hands. Eventually he croaked out another two words.

“Anything else?”

“...You told me that you… didn’t think anyone loved you. And that you didn’t love yourself. And basically, that you needed affection and hadn’t gotten it in a long time.”

Roman could’ve sworn he heard a whispered “this was a bad idea,” and knowing the context, he probably did. Logan didn’t move from his position for a few minutes, apparently taking in what he’d just been told.

“Maybe, maybe I was just pretending to be dramatic, you’ve rubbed off on me quite a bit…”

“You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself more than me. You literally demanded cuddles from me, Logan. I quote, ‘cuddle me.’”

“I- I did not say that!”

“Yes, you did! I was there!”

“I refuse to believe you.”

“How do you think you ended up curled in a ball nuzzling my chest?”

Logan was simply sitting here, listening to Roman learn most of the secrets he’s tried to keep.

“I succeeded in kissing you?”

“...Yeah.”

“Did- did you let me?”

“Yeah, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That’s the first time I’ve kissed someone, and I don’t even remember it.”

“You’re like, 23.”

“Yes, I know, Roman.”

A silence fell between them. It was cold, Roman wished Logan had stayed as the warm ball on his chest. He hadn’t quite realized how small his friend was until that moment. Or maybe he was just good at curling in a ball.

“What do you want to become of us now?”

“I don’t know, but… your hug was… nice.”

Logan looked up, shivering slightly. He was being vulnerable, for once, and not while drunk. Roman took his hand, and he crawled back over, leaning on him a bit awkwardly. He eventually relaxed, letting Roman’s arms comfort him and the softness of his jacket push against his face. He didn’t know why he decided to hug Roman again.

Maybe it was the hangover. Maybe it was his need for comfort. Or maybe it was that, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t squash the butterflies that floated into his stomach, so he might as well welcome them.

[bigbrotherlouis]

for director’s cut: the raleigh/airport scene in ‘i can’t find nothin’...’ if you would like to!!!!

ANGELA you’re gonna make me talk about sex scenes on main?! let’s DO IT

(director’s cut meme)

andrei understands, on some level, why they have to fly commercial, (i’m always going to make players fly commercial in fic if i can. direct action.)   even with a job like theirs, but in practicality, when he’s wandering around the raleigh airport at six am after their flight out is delayed, he doesn’t.

marty’s laughing at him in the way that means he’s trying to be subtle about it, but andrei’s too grumpy to care. (this was for la.) it’s too fucking early and the line for coffee is too fucking long.

“it’s too early,” he whines. marty flips over the book in his hands to read the back cover.

“boo fuckin’ hoo, bud.”

“i’m tired.” and again, in russian, “я устал.”

“не— не— i don’t care,” (i couldn’t remember how to phrase this properly and i didn’t want to look it up, plus it’s funny) marty snaps back. “it’s your own fault for watching tv until one in the morning.”

“it was gossip girl,” he mutters. “important american culture.” (in one of my transition workshops where we learned to handle moving countries, we watched mean girls as an example of american culture. true story.)

“uh huh, and degrassi is exactly how canadian high school was like.” (didn’t like the flow on this sentence but i couldn’t figure out how else to phrase it. oh well.)

andrei is, like, ninety percent sure marty didn’t finish high school in canada, but he’s not willing to take the chance that he’s wrong and get teased about it. “please, can we go to starbucks now? давай, давай.” [let’s go, let’s go] (translation is always a struggle, and even more so when it’s a different alphabet like russian. i decided to include translations when context isn’t immediately clear for the reader’s comfort. also, this is something my family does-- use a different language when we want to stress something, like svechy stressing that he wants to leave)

“talking in russian won’t get me to go any faster, svechy,” marty says, placid for the early morning, and shoves a book into andrei’s hands. “here. read this and distract yourself.”

“i don’t read until i awake.” (svechy’s syntax was hard for me to write, because i want it to be clear, true to character, and respectful all at once which is hard to balance. it’s why svech’s grammar can sometimes seem a little inconsistent-- sometimes, i chose respect and readability over true to characterization. also, transliteration of accents can make people seem childish or dumb which is absolutely not what i want!)

“sucks to suck.”

andrei grumbles under his breath, a mixture of russian and english and some of sebastian’s favourite swedish (this should be finnish. oops.) curses thrown in there too, absently drumming his fingers on the cover of the book he’s still holding. marty is paying him no attention, which almost bothers him as much as the lack of caffeine does.

he’s cocking his head to read the spines of the books in the airport store when he feels the heat of someone step behind him, too close for politeness, and he’s whirling before he can even really think about it. (there really aren’t a lot of places spies can meet up by accident without getting too repetitive, especially in something that’s supposed to be silly and short, but an airport felt plausible.)

“whoa,” says joel, stepping back out of andrei’s elbows. “easy there.”

“joel?”

“in the flesh,” he says with a grin, and andrei’s thinking about how twice is a coincidence but three times is a pattern when (this is me lampshading their constant meetups because i didn’t feel like expounding on it LOL)— “is that twilight?”

“i— what?”

“the book you’re reading.”

andrei looks down at his hands and then scowls in the general direction of the shelves. fucking marty. (this is the whole reason they’re in the bookstore. for me to make this joke about svech holding twilight.)

joel tips his head to the side and grins wider. “didn’t peg (haha peg) you for a vampire guy, but i can see it. wait, fuck, are you from transylvania?” (apologies to americans but this is a little jab at your general geography abilities)

“no, not in in russia,” he says absently. “siberia, yes. transylvania, no. why you here?”

“well, i just like to lurk around airports for fun. you see interesting people like this.”

“really.”

joel snorts. “no, i have a flight, dumbass. i’m a business bitch.” (my rule of thumb for writing joel’s dialogue is to think of the most ridiculous thing i can imagine a person saying in any given circumstance and then assigning him that line.)

“a business bitch?”

“yeah, dude. makin’ money moves n’shit.”

“you’re not following me?” andrei asks, aiming for teasing, pretending it’s not a real question. (more lampshading. i was lazy.) joel makes his eyes go wide and innocent, and mostly doesn’t succeed.

“andrew,” he says, outraged. “are you accusing me of being a stalker?”

“yes.”

“oh, so you’re definitely team edward. (this joke fell into my lap) i see how it is. can’t a bro say hi to his bro in an airport, especially after getting a decent brojob the last time they saw each other?”

andrei mouths the word brojob (i crack up every time this term is used and joel would absolutely say it) and then shakes his head. “no.”

“tough crowd. what are you doing here, buddy?”

“waiting for marty to finish so we can go to starbucks. too early and he is too slow.”

“yeah?” joel looks over at where marty is now examining the overpriced souvenirs with a very careful air, taking them off the shelves and putting them gently back. (i was very into this image) “wanna go stand in line with me?” (high romance there, bee)

strictly speaking, marty and andrei are supposed to be together when travelling, just in case someone gets snatched. it’s happened before, but andrei really, really wants something to drink before they fly out to fucking vancouver, or wherever they’re going. he can’t even remember. besides, if joel was going to snatch him, he would’ve done it earlier, in the hotel when andrei was fucked out and happy. he shrugs. (listen. i didn’t want to do any worldbuilding because it was a fun au so i did the bare minimum.)

“sure. marty, i go to stand in line,” he yells and marty waves a hand without looking up. the line stretches down the hallway, too many people patiently waiting for a rush. (i’m so familiar with this and it makes me sad just writing about it) andrei can’t fault them; he’s tired too, which is why he doesn’t realise that joel’s pulling him towards the bathrooms instead of the coffee shop, pushing him into the family stall and shoving the door closed. (i’m gonna be honest: i have absolutely no idea why i made this a sex scene. like none. i remember being halfway through and being like “....i’m writing?? airport sex??” but i don’t remember why i decided it was a good idea.)

for a second, andrei thinks this is when he gets kidnapped and killed, a rival taking him out in the crowded airport where no one can see. the bulgarian maneuver would’ve been a lot less conspicuous, but oh well. (this is referring to the bulgarian assassins who killed a journalist in the 80s? i think? with a poison-tipped umbrella and i’m just now realising that’s probably not common knowledge)

instead, joel clicks the lock in place and presses up close, plastered to the front of andrei.

“wha—” says andrei, but it’s swallowed up in joel’s mouth, swallowed up in the kiss that joel gives him. he kisses back, of course he does, because it’s a fucking good kiss. joel hums, coaxing his mouth open for a minute and then biting on his lower lip before pulling away. he doesn’t go far, hands skimming down andrei’s body until he drops to his knees on the dirty bathroom floor.

“we are in a toilet,” andrei hisses. “in an airport.” (svech has the practical response)

joel shrugs, giving him the biggest shit-eating grin as he undoes his belt. (joel is never not going to be smug) “guess you have to be fast, then. besides, i owe you one.”

technically, he still got off last time, even if it was pretty basic, it’s not like andrei’s going to say no, not when joel is looking so eager and mischievous.

“don’t make too much noise,” instructs joel, (i realised after i posted the fic that both blowjobs start with someone giving instructions and i’m gonna say it’s because it’s a literary parallel and not because i don’t know how to transition into sexual acts) and then he’s got his mouth on andrei’s dick and andrei can’t think of anything else to say. he bangs his head against the door and clamps a hand over his mouth, digging his fingers of his other hand into the wood behind him.

joel is good enough that andrei’s not going to last long, not like this, getting off on the secrecy of it all. (read: i just didn’t want to write a lot. but also i think svechy has an exhibitionist streak in him and joel definitely does) it’s a tiny bit shameful in the way that makes him groan into his palm, makes him rock his hips into joel’s hot mouth. joel just hums around andrei’s dick and that’s— okay, that’s a lot. andrei’s gonna get a splinter under his nails from digging so hard, or maybe he’s gonna die on the spot, or like something because joel pulls off to just go right back in again and fuck. (fun fact! i’ve never had sex i don’t know what i’m writing)

“fuck,” he hisses through the meat of his hand. “fuck!”

it’s too loud, probably, and joel’s eyes flick up to his with a warning.

“sorry,” andrei breathes. joel pinches his thigh, sharp enough to sting, and embarrassingly, that’s what makes him come with a noise between a breath and a whine.

“baller,” (joel pick something less sexy to say i dare you) joel says smugly when andrei comes back to earth, enough of a douche move that andrei can’t help but roll his eyes. he flicks joel on the cheek.

“you suck.”

he grins. “well, yeah. obviously.” (low hanging fruit but he’d say it so i wrote it)

“idiot,” andrei mutters and then tugs on joel’s shoulders until he stands up, pulls him in until he can nudge at joel’s jaw with his nose. “i help you?”

joel shakes his head, his hair tickling the side of andrei’s cheek. “nah, i like it when you owe me. hey, does it count as being part of the mile high club if we’re still on the ground?” (i was literally in the middle of posting this fic to ao3 before i realised i had not made a mile high joke which was unacceptable. typed it right into the text box)

“no?”

“damn. it’s on my bucket list.”

“you so weird,” andrei tells him, not managing to keep the fondness out of his voice, and then yawns so hard his jaw cracks. “i’ll pay you back with a drink.”

“oh my god,” says joel and then pinches andrei in the side so he twitches. “i just gave you the best airport blowjob—”

“only airport blowjob.”

“the best fucking airport blowjob of your life, and you’re thinking about drinks? fuckin’ ridiculous, andrew.”

“not andrew, yo-el.” (this is svech getting back at joel as best he can. trying to give it as good as he gets it. establishing banter!!)

“sure, bro,” joel mumbles and andrei shoves at him so he can get his pants back on, fumbling with the door. “next time better be fuckin’ phenomenal. you owe me big time.”

“excuse me, you said it was payback. we equal.”

“maybe i changed my mind,” joel says with a grin, bumping him with his hip.

“maybe i disappear forever,” he replies, halfway between teasing and halfway to serious. joel reaches up to fix his snapback (this is also for la.) and shrugs.

“nah, you’re too sweet to do that.”

“i’m not sweet.”

“uh huh, bro. keep tellin’ yourself that shit.”

the line’s gone down, incredibly, and they’re close enough to the counter that andrei has to start thinking about what to order. he should probably get something for marty, or risk getting whined at all flight.

“yo,” says joel when they’re two people away from the barista. “you got digits?”

andrei hesitates and then holds up his hands, wriggling his fingers. “uh. yes?” (it’s probably more in character for real life joel to ask for instagram instead but this joke made me laugh so much that i couldn’t bear to leave it out. also it’s a little fun second language moment)

joel blinks at him for a long second and then breaks out into a wide smile, shaking his head. “nah, not those. i mean, like, a phone number.”

“i don’t have a phone,” he mutters and then pulls one out of his pocket. (YES this is a tumblr post ripoff but svech wasn’t just going to give it up so easily so in it went) “okay, give.”

he dutifully types out the sequence joel rattles off and then sends a smiley face to the number when joel makes him text.

“cool. now we can text instead of ambushing each other in public.”

“that not me,” andrei tells him. “all you.”

“you’re jumpy and it’s cute.”

“i’ll delete your number. block it.” he warns and joel waves a hand.

“yeah, yeah,” he says cheerfully and then leans over to tell the barista what he wants to drink. it’s the most ridiculous sugary concoction, hardly any coffee, and andrei stares at him in horror. (this is projection for my horror at some of the things i’ve seen in american coffee shops. that’s just. so much sugar. also prime chirping opportunity to show their personalities and dynamic a little)

“you gonna drink that?” he asks and joel frowns a little. “is just sugar. candy.”

“yeah, so? it tastes so good.”

“you not gonna have teeth.” he orders two cold brews and pays. “you gonna die early from sugar.”

“somehow,” joel says with a sparkle in his eye, “i don’t think it’s gonna be the sugar that’ll nerf me in the end.” (minor foreshadowing here! also lmao @ the thought of joel saying nerf) 

he gets his vanilla bean java chip unicorn whatever frappuccino— literally, what the fuck— and takes a satisfied sip.

“disgusting,” says andrei. “no more kissing for you.”

“aw, bud, how am i gonna practice? you said i needed it.” (it’s not stated in the fic but joel learned how to flirt from watching tk and patty and i think it shows) 

“lost cause,” he tells him airily. he’s about to suggest something— he’s not even sure what— when someone appears over joel’s shoulder.

“farabee,” the guy says. he looks stern, but that might be the impressive beard. or the death glare he’s levelling andrei’s way. “where the fuck have you been?”

joel brandishes his drink. “caffeinating it up, g. stayin’ alert and awake.” (real life joel has said this at least once to claude, and i will stand by that statement)

g’s frown gets deeper. “we’re going to miss our flight.”

“nah, we’ve got time— oh, shit. yeah, we gotta bounce, bruh, but i’ll catch you later? text me.” (inelegant departure but my goal was to not overthink things in this fic, like i’m prone to do, so i left it) he almost literally get pulled away by his elbow, towed by his ginger friend through the airport so he can enthusiastically wave his goodbye.

“well,” marty says out of nowhere, reaching for his cold brew and making andrei jump. “there’s good news and bad news.”

“okay.”

“the good news is that he’s cute and somehow into your stupid face.” he takes a long drink, conscious that andrei is about to hit him for making him wait and enjoying it very much. (he’s dramatic and also i wanted to draw out the surprise a little) andrei needs new teammates.

“the bad news?” he prompts.

“the bad news,” repeats marty, grimacing. “the bad news is that he’s definitely in the same line of work as us.”([john mulaney voice] the other shoe just dropped.)

everything in andrei’s head grinds to a stop. “uh. what?”

“i recognize his handler. giroux, french canadian division.” (i’m gonna work g into fic when i can bc i love him)

“joel’s american,” he says absently and marty takes another drink, shrugging.

“so philly’s an international cooperation team. (this was my way of making the international aspect of the spy teams make sense, and also to not have this be enemies-to-lovers, as much as i love that trope) can’t imagine that ever happening.” he gives svech a look which, yes, andrei knows they work together because of a treaty or whatever, but still. he wants marty to be wrong about joel, for so many reasons.

mainly because he doesn’t like feeling like he’s been conned, not when he’s so good at doing the conning, and this is a big one. (it’s not my fic if there’s not at least a little angst!)

“fuck,” he says glumly. marty pats him on the shoulder.

“well,” he says. “at least he’s cute.” (marty’s trying to show his support for svech here! he just wants good things for his friend :)))

that was so fun to do, thank you so much for asking! ily!! <3 <3 <3

[chkristae]

Hello, Choices fans.

Me? Posting one of my fanfictions? Pft, it looks like it.

Hello again, you don’t know me, but you can call me Ckristae. As you can see I’m (probably) just like you, or you can say Ethan Ramsey fan (or not, it’s up to you, who you prefer from Open heart).

I found out there are not many fics of Ethan x male MC, or I am just bad at finding them.

But let me say my interpretation of one of my favourite quotes: If you cannot find it, write it. Well and here I am.

I am not sure if anyone will actually read it, but well… here I am, still.

And also let me say that this idea hit me while listening to song Surrender by Natalie Taylor.

And also I want you to know that English isn’t my first (mother) language, so there are probably (surely) grammatical mistakes. I hope it’s at least readable (?)

I don’t know if I am going to post more fics, but let’s say I love writing and coming up with stories. I actually write fics and original stories in my mother language (which is Czech, is anyone there from Czech Republic?) on different platform. This is my first time posting something in English.

Well enough of talking, let’s go reading!

Ps: Name of my male MC is Sebastian Valentine.

-

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x male MC (Sebastian Valentine)

Summary: Sebastian has decided to finally end it, for his and also Dr. Ramsey’s sake. He is going to act professional with the man who means so much from him. Can he stay by his decision? Or will he surrender to his own feelings?

Words: 6 000 + (6 826), (trust me when I say it wasn’t supposed to be that long, but well, here I am)

Surrender

Sebastian

Sebastian knew that he had to be professional, that’s what they agreed on. Ethan was his boss so it had to be that way. There couldn’t be more between them even if it was what they desired.

Every day Sebastian told himself, that he is Ethan’s subordinate and that made Ethan his boss. But despite that he couldn’t forget about what they experienced together. There was strong bond between them and also feelings that he thought he would never experience in his life. All those moments with Ethan, all those gentle touches and feelings of belonging, meant so much for Sebastian and he cherished them.

Sebastian longed for more. He wanted more of those moments, more of Ethan. He caught himself several times thinking about Ethan, when they weren’t together. And when they were together he tried his best to resist his feelings and the urge to touch Ethan, even if they were in public. Sebastian wanted to hold his hand like normal couples did. He wanted to touch him, hold him and be held by him.

But it was impossible and also very inappropriate. Ethan was his boss, as he constantly reminded himself. And that was also what Ethan told him every time, when they were alone and let themselves surrender to their feelings for each other.

Sebastian knew he was screwed. He didn’t even remember when it actually happened.  When he started feeling so much for the man who was the reason he decided to study medicine and became doctor. For the man who was his mentor.

Sebastian even tried to convince himself by saying that there was an age difference between them. But he was lying to himself; age didn’t matter to him at all.

So he decided to end it completely. He decided to act professional. He decided to play role of Ethan’s subordinate. Nothing more, just co-workers. Boss and his subordinate.

-

When Sebastian arrived at the office of the diagnostic team he found out, that only Ethan was there. He had almost an hour before his shift started and Esme came too. He hoped to get some time before he had to face his decision of creating distance between them. He wanted to be alone to get ready, but it looked like the world was against him.

He caught himself staring, again. Ethan was sitting behind the table, where they usually discussed their patients. Ethan was scowling at some documents in his hand.

In the morning light Ethan’s features were even more beautiful than normally. And Sebastian always thought that this man was beautiful. His blue eyes, which stared at him inquisitively, were now concentrating on the paper. The wrinkle which appeared between his eyebrows whenever he was scowling. Wrinkles around his eyes when he smiled or was amused by something. His lips that curled into smile, when they were joking around. His tall and surprisingly muscularly figure under the doctor’s coat. Sebastian knew that well because he saw him naked several times.

Sebastian forced himself to come to his senses. He decided to stop it and move on from… he even couldn’t call it a relationship. It was the only way for both of them.

But he chickened out. He wasn’t ready to face him, not this early in the morning when his brain craved coffee. He wanted to slip out the room unnoticed, but it was too late.

“Are you going to just stand there, or are you going in?” Ethan asked, looking at Sebastian inquisitively. “And what are you doing here so early?”

Sebastian felt how his body tensed up. He stepped back inside. “Good morning, Dr. Ramsey,” he greeted him with smile, that he always gave to his patients. Friendly and professional. “I woke up early today and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to go early to work.”

“That’s a lot of earlies,” said Ethan with an amused smile. “Did something happened?” his tone changed to concerned.

Sebastian shook his head and ignored his stupid heart that thumbed in his chest. “Nothing, Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan scowled and opened his mouth to say something.

“Is this our new patient?” spoke Sebastian quickly to interrupt him and nodded towards papers in Ethan’s hands.

Ethan looked at the papers in his hands with a look as he had realised, that he is holding them. “Oh, yes.”

Sebastian walked towards the table and sat opposite him. Every other chair was empty, but he wanted to give himself as much space as possible between them. Normally, he would sit next to Ethan, but from today he decided to change that. Sitting to close to him was dangerous.

And of course, it wouldn’t be Ethan, if he hadn’t notice the change in his behaviour. He was one of the best doctors in the world and director of the diagnostics, of course, he would notice anything abnormal.

Ethan took of his glasses and looked at him questioningly. Sebastian had to restrain himself not to flinch under his gaze.

“What we know?” Sebastian Asked quickly. “I mean, about the patient?”

Ethan blinked and stayed quiet for a few seconds. Then he took the papers and handed them to Sebastian. “Thirteen years old girl. She was complaining about stomach-ache. But the MR and tests hadn’t showed anything abnormal. The pain isn’t that big for surgery, so no one looked inside.”

Sebastian nodded and looked at the papers. “How long the pain lasts?” he inquired and tried to find the information on the paper.

“For almost two weeks,” Ethan replied and got up. He stood behind Sebastian and looked over his shoulders at the paper. As he leaned forward his chest pressed towards Sebastian’s back and shoulder. He felt Ethan’s breath right next to his hear. He didn’t actually know if Ethan used perfume, but he could smell scent that just was Ethan.

Sebastian‘s body had tensed, and his breath hitched in his throat, because of the sudden closeness.

“What do you think it may be?” Ethan asked, probably oblivious of what he was doing.

Sebastian’s plan was screwed, or could be if he stayed like that. So he carefully stood up, because he didn’t want to hit him. “P-probably psychogenic pain?” he asked in a shaking voice. He started walking before the table, while looking at the paper in his hands and was hoping it didn’t look awkward as he thought. “Why she was even brought here? If it’s not that serious for surgery, why she was handed to you?”

“Her father is rich bank manager. Naveen told me to take care of it. He is afraid that if we don’t treat her and later it turns out to be something serious, her father might sue as for not giving her the treatment she required,” Ethan answered. “We can try to give her placebo.”

“Yeah, you can try it,” Sebastian nodded. “But first you should discuss it with Dr. Mirani and Dr. Hirata.”

“I?” Ethan blinked. “If I remember correctly, you are also part of this team.”

Sebastian stopped walking and looked at him. “Yes, o-of course. I just…Yes, you are right. Sorry, Dr. Ramsey.” He lowered his head.

“There is nothing to be sorry about,” Ethan approached him, took papers from his hands and placed them on the table.  “And now tell me what is so wrong with you.”

“With me? Nothing’s wrong with me,” Sebastian laughed. “Why should there be something wrong with me?”

Ethan frowned at him suspiciously.

Good job, Sebastian. Keep going like that and he will send you for a check-up, that he will probably do himself. Are you ready for that he will see you half – naked? He said to himself ironically.

“Sebastian, what’s wrong? You know, you can tell me anything, right?” The painful expression on Ethan’s face made him question his decision.

No, he couldn’t give in. He decided to let them, him, go.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night,” he said and looked outside. “I will get myself coffee and I will be fine, so don’t worry, Dr. Ramsey.”

Ethan narrowed his eyes, but before he could say anything Sebastian walked quickly out of the room. On his way out he almost bumped into Dr. Hirata.

“Good morning, Dr. Hirata,” he greeted her with smile and continued walking. He had to get away as quickly as possible.

He was trying to calm himself down. Because of that he didn’t look where he is going and bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” he murmured his apology and wanted to continue walking, but a hand on his shoulders topped him.

“Hey, where are you going so fast? Is there a free food in the cafeteria or what?”

He looked at who he bumped into. “Bryce, sorry. I was lost in thoughts,” he said to the boy, who was always able to improve his mood. But not today, today was different. Even Bryce might not have the power to lighten his mood.

“Oooh, let me guess. You have some hell of a case and don’t know how to solve it. Well I am just a surgeon, but I might help you,” Bryce proudly shifted his chin.

Sebastian shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I have to go now; Esme is probably waiting for me.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Bryce give him a bright smile. “But if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, you know that right?”

“Yes, I know, thanks Bryce,” he smiled at him a hoped it is believable.

He continued walking and this time he looked where he was going. He really had to get rid of these feelings for Ethan, or he will endanger his patients and colleagues. Now he started truly understand why Ethan didn’t want them to be together.

-

The next two weeks went quite quickly. Sebastian felt like he was on an autopilot, when he wasn’t treating his patients, helping Esme or being working the diagnostic team. When he was at home it was much worse. He almost burned dinner when he was helping Sienna and the other time he forgot that he left his laundry in the washing machine. Several times he was also spacing out. And other noticed and of course asked if he is okay. He always said that he was just tired. He was glad they didn’t question him more.

Ethan was not much help either, not that he knew about Sebastian’s decision. Every time they had meeting with the diagnostics they discussed their patients and Sebastian tried to help them found out what the disease might be. Right after they came with possible treatment Sebastian flew out of the room. He didn’t want to talk to him.

He was doing great job until Ethan decided to sit with him during lunch. Sebastian was reading book about DM to revise his knowledge, because he had been given patient with diabetes. His friends were on their shifts, it was one of those days when Edenbrook was quite busy and they had to take turns at lunch. That day he also felt quite down so he said, he will go alone this time. Of course they might ask him about it after work, or they will let it go. As he knew his friends they might keep quiet until he tells them himself.

“What are you reading?”

He lifted his head in shook. He was doing great job whole day of avoiding him. He only met him this morning in the diagnostic room together with Dr. Mirani and Dr. Hirata. The meeting was six hours ago, not like he was counting.

Ethan sat opposite him and nodded toward his phone. “What are you reading?” he repeated his question.

“Ehm. Something about diabetes,” he replied and blinked at his book.

“Why?”

“Ehm…” he started and then, thanks to whoever is up there, his phone ringed. “Oh, sorry. It’s my patient, I have to go.” He stood up and put his phone into his coat. While he was taking his tray and book, Ethan grabbed him by his wrist.

Sebastian felt his heart jump and then it quickened its pace. No. Not again. He groaned internally.

“I have to go, Dr. Ramsey,” he looked at him hoping that he will let go of his hand.

“I just… It seems we haven’t talked much during past weeks. I just wanted to know how you are doing?” he asked him with his typical inquisitive face.

How he hated and loved that expression.

“I am doing fine. Thank you for asking, Dr. Ramsey. But I have to go now, my patient needs me.”

Ethan stared at him for few seconds and then let go of his hand. “Of course, sorry for disturbing you.”

He wanted to say, that he wasn’t disturbing him at all, but his phone ringed again. “Excuse me,” he murmured and quickly walked away.

As he was exciting the cafeteria he quickly looked toward Ethan. Ethan was staring at his lunch with confused expression on his face.

Sebastian’s heart sank. He walked out and shook his head. This way it was better. For both of them. Pain is part of life; he will get over it and Ethan too. In few months it would be as nothing has happened, just a distant memory.

Even though his heart was heavy with pain and he felt tears forming in his eyes. He blinked rapidly to chase them away.

Just a distant memory.

-

Another two weeks had passed. One month since Sebastian decision to keep distance from Ethan.

He thought it would get better. But it actually had got worse.

Yes, he was still avoiding Ethan. Yes, he still stood by his decision.

But every time he looked back at Ethan, after he quickly left the diagnostic room, he saw that painful and confused expression on his face. It hurt his own heart to see him like that.

Was his decision right?

Sebastian was standing in front of coffee machine on one of the hospital’s corridors. He was tired and actually felt little weak. The weather was getting colder every day. Probably he caught something?

“Hey, Sebastian.”

He turned around and saw Sienna with worried expression. “Others told me not to ask, that if you want to talk you will, but… Is there something wrong? These past few weeks you seemed little bit down.”

Sienna, bless her kind soul. She was one of the kindest people he knew. Others were also kind, but Sienna was… Sienna.

He couldn’t lie to her. Not straight into her eyes, he just couldn’t.

He sighed and the machine behind him beeped. He took out his coffee. “Well… if you have time, I would love to talk.”

She smiled at him. “Yes, of course. I will just let know my intern that I am going on a break.”

“Sure,” he nodded.

Sienna also bought herself a cup of coffee. They walked outside, but before that they had taken their coats from lockers. It was chilly outside, but the sun was still shining. Also no one was there, so they had some privacy.

“It’s too cold? We can go inside, if you want,” he said quickly, when he saw how she clenched her hands around her coffee.

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I also need some fresh air.”

“Okay. But if you will get too cold you will tell me, okay?”

She nodded. “So… Can you tell me what’s going on?”

He sighed and leaned on the railing and looked at his coffee. “How can you stop loving someone?”

Sienna was quiet for a while. It made him nervous and his heart was beating in his chest. But he quietly waited for her response.

“Is this about Dr. Ramsey?”

He nodded. There was no reason for hiding it. At this point all of his friends probably knew. Except for Aurora, because she wasn’t as close with him in the first year as others. But she was quiet observant, so he wasn’t sure if she knew or not.

“Well, you can never stop loving someone.”

He chuckled. “Great.”

“Well, I will just tell you it’s similar as it was with me and Wayne. He wasn’t treating me well, but even so, I still loved him. Well, I loved the old Wayne, before he changed and I still blindly hoped, that things will get back to the way there were. I’m not saying that… I just want to say, it will stay with you,” she said and leaned next to him. He felt her shoulder brush over his. Her closeness was quite comforting.

“Then what should I do?” he asked and looked up at the clouded sky.

“Consider if it’s worth it. Every relationship will bring you problems, it’s up to you, if it’s worth it or not.”

He lowered his gaze and clenched his coffee. “This is different. He is my boss. I am his subordinate. It’s not professional.”

“Well, are your feelings professional?”

He frowned at her, confused. “What’s that supposed to mean? How can feelings be professional?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Up till now I was only in one relationship. I just want to know how you would describe your own feelings towards him.”

“I…” he started but didn’t know how to continue. He looked back down. “I don’t know. How can you describe these kinds of feelings?”

She shrugged again. “Who knows?”

“Then why are you asking?” he narrowed his eyes.

She smiled at him. “I just want you to think about it. Let’s say it does not work out, and it might. Let’s say everyone in this hospital will be against it, and some will. Let’s say Dr. Naveen will ask you to end it, or quit your job, which he might do. Will it still be worth it?”

“I…” again, he didn’t know what to say. Would it be worth it? Well there was the possibility they won’t work out and break up in the end. There was the possibility that someone will hold it against him and Ethan. He wasn’t so sure about how Dr. Naveen would react, but that man had heart of gold and loved Ethan as his own son. So he might stand beside them.

Some things are worth the risk. He heard Ethan’s voice in his head.

He sighed. “I am not sure. How can I be sure?”

“No one is sure about anything and we still try it, right? Is it worth the try? Imagine all those what ifs don’t exist. Is it worth it, if they don’t?” she raised an eyebrow at him. “I hope I am not too confusing.”

He bit his bottom lip. “How they cannot exist?”

She bumped with her shoulder to his. “Just imagine it, Mr. Diagnostic.”

He laughed. “Well… I wold say yes. It would be worth trying. He is Ethan freaking Ramsey,” he held his hand out. “There is no one better than him.”

“Aw…” she leaned on him. “You like him.”

He glared at her. “That’s the point isn’t it?”

They both started laughing. God, how he was glad, that he had friend like Sienna.

“So, what will you do?” she asked.

He felt his shoulders lower and looked down. “It’s nice fantasy, but this is reality. These what ifs won’t disappear.”

She put hand around his shoulders. “Sebastian…”

“I was thinking,” he interrupted her. “There might be one way. What if I go away? I mean, leaving Edenbrook and- “

“Stop it, right there,” she said and forced him to turn around so he was facing her. He always thought of Sienna as one of the kindest people alive. But when she got angry, she was really scary. He felt like a first grader who is scolded by his mum after he did something bad.

“Don’t you dare even thing about it. You are not going anywhere. What wold you do without us? And we without you?” she shook him, like she wanted to get some sense into him. “You are not leaving Edenbrook. You belong here. And in that case, screw Dr. Ramsey. I like him, but I won’t exchange him for one of my best friends. And you won’t either exchange him for anything.”

He blinked at her in surprise. Yes, he thought of leaving Edenbrook, but not because it was a way to get together with Ethan, but to get away from him. Every day was harder and harder. He couldn’t imagine how he can continue this, well he could, but it was exhausting.

His phone beeped, so he took it out of his coat. “I have to go. Esme needs me.”

Sienna let go of his shoulder. He was little taller than her, so she had to stood on her toes to be on the same eye level. “It will be okay, Sebastian,” she said with reassuring smile.

He would like to believe her, but he couldn’t.

-

Few days later he woke up with a terrible headache, runny nose and cough. When he got out of his room, Sienna pushed him back to his bed. She made him some herbal tea and Jackie gave him painkillers for his headache. Elijah called to work, that Sebastian won’t be going today. He also asked for a favour if they will look after Esme and his patients. Aurora agreed that she will take care of it.

“You will be relaxing, okay? No studying, nothing. Only sleeping and binging Netflix.” Sienna told him, when they were leaving for work. “If something happens, call one of us, okay?”

“Yes,” he said and coughed. “Have a nice day,” he waved at them.

He was alone. The apartment was eerie quiet when there was no one else.

He decided to binge Netflix to kill time, but he was barely paying attention. He thought if he was ill because of the cold weather outside or because of the stress he currently went through. Keeping an eye on Esme, attending diagnostic meetings and avoiding Ethan was quiet exhausting.

The painkillers made him sleepy and he fell asleep halfway through the movie.

He was woken up by ring at the door. He hoped that whoever was behind the door will walk away, so he stayed in bed and tried to fall asleep again. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk with anyone.

The person really stopped ringing and started knocking instead.

Sebastian sat up. He was irritated and convinced to give that person peace of his mind. But his headaches stopped him from moving. He grabbed his own head and hissed in pain.

He looked at the clock. It was time to take another painkiller, so he did that.

But the person behind the door just couldn’t stop knocking and started ringing again. He groaned and got out of the warm covers. Because of that he had woken up Lexi, who was sleeping with him. He didn’t remember when the fennec fox has joined him, but it was adorable.

The knocking stopped and Sebastian was hoping that the person left.

He wanted to lie back down and get back to the land of dreams, when his phone beeped. He squinted at it and almost dropped it when he saw the text. Well, from whom the text was.

Open up, it’s me.

He got up and ignored how his head protested. He managed to get to the door without knocking anything over. But he almost tripped over Mitch who was slowly getting to the kitchen. For reassurance he put the turtle away, closer to the kitchen, so he won’t kill himself over him as he will go back to bed. He also looked for Andi. He found the chinchilla sleeping peacefully on the couch.

He opened the door and narrowed his eyes because of the sudden light from the corridor.

“Dr. Ramsey,” he said and realised how his throat is dry. “What are you doing here?”

Ethan looked, for some reason, relieved. He kept staring at him as he was some kind of ghost.

Sebastian felt blood rushing into his face. He must have looked as mess. He surely had bed hair and red nose. Couldn’t he make himself more representable? He hated how he looked when he was sick. “I’m sick, Dr. Ramsey. You shouldn’t be here. Thank you, for checking on me,” he said and wanted to close the door.

But Ethan stopped him. “I was worried,” he said in husky voice.

Sebastian blinked in surprise. “It’s just a cold….What they told you?”

“Who?” Ethan asked.

“Others. It was Sienna, wasn’t it?” he sighed. He loved that girl, but sometimes…

“No one told me anything. I came by myself.”

Sebastian blinked again and his mouth fell agape. “Why?”

“I…” he looked around. “Can I come in? It’s weird to talk like that.”

“Well,” he looked inside. The apartment was quiet mess, because no one of them had time for cleaning up. Their shifts were long and they always came back tired. They usually cleaned on their days off.

“Please,” said Ethan imploringly.

Sebastian didn’t have the strength to fight with him, so he opened the door. “Sorry or the mess,” he mumbled.

Ethan walked inside but didn’t give a second glance at the mess. He kept his gaze on Sebastian, which made him, of course, more nervous.

Sebastian felt weak so he walked towards the couch and sit there. Andi looked up at him and climbed on his thigh. He started stroking her soft fur. “So, why are you here? Sorry that I couldn’t be today on the meeting, I should have let you know,” he said and then coughed. “Sorry.”

Ethan sat next to him. His body has tensed up and Andi looked suspiciously at the man who interrupted her stroking.

“Don’t get so close to me, you will get sick,” Sebastian murmured and tried to give some space between them.

“I work in hospital, I don’t get sick,” he replied.

Sebastian laughed. “So you are one of those people. Elijah owes me ten bucks.”

“So you are just sick, nothing else?” Ethan looked at him inquisitively.

God, how he hated and loved that expression.

“Don’t worry, I am not dying, it’s just a cold. Will you tell me, why are you here?”

He saw how Ethan’s body relaxed. “I thought... I mean I heard…” he lost his voice so he coughed.

“See, you are sick,” Sebastian grinned.

Ethan glared at him. “No I am not. And that’s not what…” he sighed. “I… well…” he looked sideways.

Sebastian couldn’t believe what he saw. Ethan freaking Ramsey was embarrassed by something. He couldn’t decide if it was funny or adorable. Probably both.

“What?” he asked with an amused grin on his face.

“I overheard you conversation with Dr. Trinh few days ago.” Sebastian mouth fell agape. Agni on his thigh assumed that she won’t get any attention so she jumped down and walked towards the kitchen to get some food.

“Oh my God,” Sebastian covered his mouth. “You were eavesdropping?”

“No I-“spurted Ethan, but it was useless. He cleared his throat. “I overheard few things.” Sebastian was grinning like an idiot. He never thought that Ethan Ramsey would be eavesdropping at someone.

His grin was easily erased, when he remembered what they were talking about. “W-what did you hear?” he asked.

“Well,” Ethan looked uncomfortable. “Just that you were thinking about leaving the Edenbrook.” Now was Sebastian’s turn to feel embarrassed. Yes, he was thinking about that but he let that go after the conversation with Sienna. He couldn’t imagine himself working somewhere else than in Edenbrook. He loved that place.

“I also heard that I might be the reason.” Sebastian felt even more embarrassed. He hid his face into his hands and groaned loudly. “Sorry, it’s not like that,” he lied. He wasn’t looking at him, so lying was easy that way, especially in the case of Ethan.

“It’s not?” repeated Ethan, startled. “Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not-“he spurted out and looked up. He was cut off by the expression on his face. Pain and regret. The same expression he saw during past weeks. And he was the source of that.

Sebastian bit his lower lip a lowered his gaze. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t lie to him, neither wanted to tell the truth.

“Why are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong?” Ethan asked carefully.

Sebastian closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way out now. “I tried to be professional with you,” he said quietly and hoped that Ethan heard him, because he didn’t want to repeat that, it hurt too much. He looked down, because it was too painful to look at him.

“Professionally?” Ethan repeated dumbfoundedly. “It’s because of what I said, right?” Sebastian sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but… I just… I wanted it to stop.”

“Wanted?” Ethan repeated again.

“These feelings, I…” he felt tears in his eyes. Thank God he wasn’t looking at him. “I’m sorry Dr. Ramsey, you should go,” he stood up and ignored the dizziness. “I am glad, that you were worried about me, but don’t be. I am not leaving Edenbrook and I don’t want to either,” he opened the door and still refused to look at him. “Please, go now.”

He stood at the door and waited until Ethan left. He didn’t.

Sebastian brought himself to look at him. Ethan was still sitting at the couch and watched him His heart quickened his pace when their eyes met. “Please Dr. Ramsey,” he urged.

Ethan stood up. He slowly walked towards the door but didn’t left. He stood before Sebastian with expression that Sebastian knew very well. He had this same expression every time; they had to stop what was between them. Every time they had to face the world alone, leaving the other one.

“Sebastian, I…” he started.

Sebastian shook his head. It was a mistake, because the dizziness came back and he staggered. He held on the door handle not to fall down and also felt two strong hands on his waist.

He looked up and saw two blue eyes looking at him. He loved those eyes so much.

“Let me help you,” Ethan insisted.

Sebastian caught himself looking down at Ethan’s lips. All this time, four weeks and he couldn’t leave these feelings he had for this man. Sienna was right, it will never leave him. It will stay with him no matter what.

He felt tears forming in his eyes and before he could stop them, they fell down his cheeks.

Ethan’s blue eyes went wide. He opened his mouth to say something.

“Why are you so cruel,” Sebastian sobbed. He hated that he cried in front of him. That was the last thing he wanted to happen. “Why… You said there could not be anything more. And I understand that, trust me, I do. I know how dangerous it is, the risks not for us, but for the ones around us. How it can put a danger our patients and our colleagues too. How many things could go wrong. How it can destroy our lives and careers. But even though…” he gulped. “I want you. I want you so badly. I try to ignore it, I try to push it away, but it’s impossible,” he said and pushed himself away from him. But his body felt weak. He didn’t know if it was because of his cold or the emotional breakdown he was experiencing. Probably it was bit of both.

“And then you. Why did you come? If you don’t care about me, why did you come? Why are you so afraid that I might leave Edenbrook? It’s because I am such a good doctor and you don’t want the hospital to lose me? Or because you don’t want to lose me?” He felt dizzy. His head was spinning and pain was pounding in his temples. “How’d it come to this?” he sobbed.

Ethan was quiet. He was looking at him, expression full of pain. “You have to lie down. When was the last time you took your medicine?”

Sebastian bit down his lower lip. “Just go,” he said and looked sideway.

“Let me help you.” He approached him with open arms.

“Just go!” he said and pushed to his chest. The impact made him stumbled backwards. “Please, just go…” he turned around and stumbled to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him and felt that his knees gave out. He slid down to the floor while looking before him. Tears were running down his cheeks and sobs leaving his lips.

It was over. He destroyed the last bits of relationship they had between them. Probably he had to leave Edenbrook at last? His heart ached at that thought.

He heard knock at the door. “Sebastian?”

“I said go!” he screamed and his head pounded. “Please, I don’t want to be angry at you.”

It was quiet for a while. He thought that he left, as he insisted.

“I am sorry,” spoke Ethan with heavy voice. “I didn’t mean to come it to this.”

Sebastian was quiet.

“I just…” Ethan sighed. “I thought that… I don’t know what I thought. The truth is I…” Another second of quietness. “I want you too. And it gets harder every day to keep restraining myself. When you started avoiding me and whenever we met you acted so formally. I thought I have done something that has upset you. So I kept quiet, hoping that you will tell me. It was a mistake I should have asked, we should have talked.”

Sebastian was still quiet.

“I don’t want to lose you. When I heard that you want to leave Edenbrook I felt hopeless. The thought that I won’t see you anymore? It was so painful I almost lost my mind. Then every next day I waited, hoped that you will show up at work. And today you didn’t so I went here. I probably got to trouble by doing that and Naveen will talk to me, but… I think it was worth it. For a while it was, because I know now that you don’t want to leave Edenbrook.”

Sebastian wiped his face from the tears and continued to listen. His heart was pounding in his chest rapidly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Please, say something. Even after all of this, I… I still want you. And I think you are worth the risk.”

His heart skipped a beat and then quickened its pace again. He breathed in and slowly got up to his weak legs.

“Sebastian? Please tell me you didn’t pass out.” He opened the door. “How can I tell you if I passed out, if I actually did?” he asked jokingly, but the smile form his lips faded away when he saw him. Ethan’s face was stained by tears.

“Who would ever think, that Ethan Ramsey would be behind my door like that?” he chuckled and wiped Ethan’s face.

Ethan took his hands into his and held them, like he was scared that Sebastian would walk away from him. “I’m sorry,” he said in husky voice. “I just cannot lose you. It’s too scary.”

He clenched his hands. “You won’t.”

“You cannot know that,” he replied sceptically.

“Well,” he shrugged. “At least for now. Let’s focus on the now, okay?”

Ethan nodded and leaned towards him. Their forehead touched and he felt his breath on his face.

“Even though this is lovely,” Sebastian spoke after a while. “I’m sick, so don’t get too close.” Ethan frowned. “I don’t get sick.”

“You said that, so you will,” he winked at him. “Now I will get back to bed and you should get back to work.” Ethan opened his mouth to protest.

“I will be fine. If anything happens, you will be the first to know, okay?”

Ethan nodded, but by his expression, he could say, he didn’t agree. “I will come after work, okay?”

“Okay, doctor,” he chuckled and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

-

After three days of sickness Sebastian came back to work. Three whole days of recovery and famous Sienna cooking. He would be actually surprised if he didn’t get better thanks to that.

These three days Ethan insisted on visiting after work, but Sebastian turned him down. It was not like he didn’t want to see him. He just wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want him to catch the cold too. Even though Ethan visited every day and the face on others faces, except Sienna’s, was priceless. Especially Elijah didn’t know how to act and almost overthrown tea into Ethan’s lap.

When Sebastian walked into the hospital, he was greeted by the nurses and Dr. Delarosa who together with Aurora looked after his patients and Esme. Dr. Mirani also greeted him with his usual attitude. “Hope, you are good, Valentine. I don’t want to deal with sick doctors and nurses.” But he knew that Zaid was happy to have him back.

When he walked into the diagnostic room Dr. Mirani, Zaid’s brother, greeted him with a hug. Dr. Hirata nodded at him a continued her work on her computer. Dr. Mirani told him that Ethan was called into Naveen’s office, so they should go over their patients without him.

Then Sebastian decided to check up on Esme. She was doing great and even asked him how he was doing. He helped her with her patients and then came back to the room of diagnostic team.

Dr. Hirata and Dr. Mirani were gone. Ethan was sitting at the table, reading something on his computer.

Sebastian slowly walked behind him and took off his glasses. Then he quickly covered his eyes and kept quiet.

Ethan’s body immediately tensed up. “Baz, we talked about this,” Ethan sighed. “This is not funny.”

“Aw, what happened? Did Naveen found out about your private coffee machine and took it away?”

Ethan tensed again and got up. Because of the height difference Sebastian had to take his hands down.

Ethan turned towards him. “I was wondering, where were you,” he said with a smile on his lips.

Sebastian shrugged. “You know. I got lost on the way of life. But I managed to find you, so I am good.”

Ethan looked around. The door to the room was made of glass, but no one was on the corridor outside. When Ethan made sure, that they are alone, he hugged him.

“Ethan Ramsey hugging me on his own?” Sebastian laughed and put his hands on his back to return the hug. “Is the world actually ending?”

“Not anymore,” Ethan replied, amused. “Want to get coffee?”

“If you are paying,” he winked at him.

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Come on, rookie.”

“Wow,” Sebastian gasped. “Didn’t hear that for long.” “Why? Don’t want to?” he raised eyebrow at him.

Sebastian shrugged. “Nah, I kinda like it and missed also missed it.”

Ethan led him to his office. On the way the met several people. Including Sienna who gave Sebastian knowing look and gave him thumbs up. He grimaced at her and she laughed in response. Her intern was looking confusingly between both of them.

“Wow, so that’s the famous coffee machine,” Sebastian said, when they entered Ethan’s office. He looked at the machine and its many functions.

Ethan closed the door. “It kept me alive for long time.”

“I got quite competition there,” Sebastian squinted at the coffee machine. “This will be hard.”

Ethan chuckled. “Don’t worry; you are on the gracious second place.”

Sebastian gasped. “Second place?” he looked annoyed at the machine. “I won’t loose.”

He felt hands slipping onto his waist and turning him around so he was facing Ethan, who was smiling at him amusingly. “I think you can get to the first place easily.”

“And how, doctor?” he tugged at his coat to get him closer.

“Guess it, rookie.” Sebastian closed the distance between them. His lips felt as every time they kissed. Soft and warm. This time it was little different because of Ethan new grown beard. Not like he was complaining, that beard had grown on him.

They departed. Both gasping for air, but not fully getting away from each other.

“So how I score now?” Sebastian asked with stupid grin on his face.

“Getting closer to the first place,” replied Ethan.

“Well, I have to try harder.” He kissed him again. This time more passionately. They stumbled and Sebastian stood backwards and leaned against the wall so they won’t fall down.

He felt like a fool that he wanted to run away from this. He was glad that in the end had surrender and even better was that Ethan did so to.

There were obstacles in their future. But together they can make it work. But for that moment, they wanted to live for now.

[animezing-fandoms]

Hey, i always enjoy reading fics but lately i kind of been wanting to try writing one myself. Are there any tips you can give me? I haven't ever written anything, i do have a big imagîtion, but i'm also kind of scared for language errors. English isn't my first language and although i am fluid in English, i'm afraid i won't be able to express myself in words in a way that would be enjoyable for others. How did you get over these fears and just in general, get started?

Well first I started out by roleplaying. Basically me and another person would pick a character and then we’d come up with a story together, each playing as our own characters. But then I started getting more specific ideas in my head and decided to just write them as fanfiction on my own, instead of hoping the other person would catch on to what I want. XD  Basically, the best way to get started is to just write. Don’t worry so much about technicalities and language. That stuff will come with time as you keep writing in English. Sometimes, what you can do is have a beta reader, which is someone who basically proof-reads your work and corrects spelling and grammar mistakes and sometimes offers feedback before you post it, but you don’t have to have that. 

I was never afraid to post my work because I saw other people do it, so honestly don’t be afraid to share your work. You may get some negative comments at first since you’re new and English isn’t your first language but honestly, you can ignore stuff like that. The more you write, the better you’ll get at it. But, as an experienced writer, there are a few tips I’ll give you on stuff that I see a lot of new writers do that prevents readers from enjoying the story. 

Notice how before I start a new topic I start a new paragraph? That’s something you should always do in your fic. If people click on your story on Ao3, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr and see a huge block of text, they’ll exit out of it because it’s super difficult to read like that. Every time you switch a character’s POV, or the topic changes, you should have a new paragraph/line. 

Same goes for dialogue. Every time you switch who’s speaking, you need to start a new line. Also make sure you use the character’s names at the beginning of the conversation, and especially if you have two characters of the same gender/use the same pronouns then you’ll use their names more often when indicating who’s speaking so we know which line of dialogue belongs to which character. 

Those are all basic things to keep readers from not reading your fic and/or getting confused while trying to read it. But something else that I don’t see mentioned too often but is really good advice is don’t be afraid to be descriptive. At first you might think that keeping things short and sweet when it comes to describing appearances and actions is the way to go, especially if you don’t have such a big vocabulary. But if you keep your descriptions short then it’s harder to visualize what the idea you’re trying to convey is and the reader just gets this very robotic caricature of what your vision is instead of what you saw in your head. 

Now, for someone who’s not a native English speaker, this might be kind of hard because your vocabulary might be limited. But if you feel like you’re using a word too much or there’s another word in your first language that you want to use but you don’t know the English equivalent, look it up online! Google translate isn’t as awful as some people make it out to be, especially if you’re only looking up one word as opposed to a sentence. And it will pay off immensely because if the reader can see what the character’s facial expression, tone of voice, and body stance in a scene is as well as what dialogue is being said, it’ll entice the reader that much more because it will have a lot more feeling and emotion behind it than just basic descriptions of what’s being said and by whom.

Now, here’s some examples of what I’ve just explained to you; the first one is an example of what you definitely should not do that I see a lot of new writers do: 

Natsu walks into the guild hall with Happy. He goes over to the job board and picks out a job. “Hey Natsu, this job looks like something Lucy would want to do!” Happy says.“Yeah, maybe she would want to do it. Let’s go find her and ask.” Natsu says. “Hi Natsu!” Lucy calls as she walks into the guild hall. “What job are you looking at?” she asks and looks at the flier. “It’s a job for a Celestial Wizard at an observatory. They’re having a star gazing party tonight and want to have a wizard there to provide some knowledge and magic to entertain people and provide knowledge on the different constellations!” Happy says. “Wow that job sounds perfect for me!” Lucy says. “My spirits would love to share their stories and magic with people, and a beautiful clear night under the stars is always such a romantic sight!” She says and blushes. “Too bad you won’t have a date!” Happy jokes and Lucy frowns at him. “I could bring a date if I wanted to! But it sounds like I’ll be too busy working, so bringing a date wouldn’t be a smart idea anyways.” Lucy sighs. “You don’t need to bring some random guy.” Natsu says and slings his arm around her shoulders. “Happy and I will come with you!” “Really! Why do you guys want to come?” Lucy asks, blushing. “Yeah Natsu why do we want to come?” Happy asks. “It’s not like we’ll be doing anything to help.” “We can help Lucy!” Natsu says. “We always drag her on jobs that stress her out somehow but this one is her dream job, we should be there with her to support her since she’s always there for us. And maybe we’ll learn a little something too. It’s the least we can do. Don’t you think so Happy?” Natsu asks. “Aye Sir!” Happy says. “Aw, Natsu that’s so sweet and surprisingly mature of you. Can you promise me that you’ll behave when we’re there?” Lucy asks. “Nope!” Natsu says and Lucy sighs. 

-------------

Now, how did you feel reading that? Did you even want to? It was hard right. There was no separation of lines so it’s easy to get lost in the words and forget who’s speaking what line and what’s going on. That’s why when readers click on a story and see that, they give up immediately. It’s impossible to immerse yourself in a story if you’re getting lost in the dialogue and descriptions and don’t know where one starts and one ends. It’s really difficult to read so even if your idea is good, if it’s formatted like that, the idea won’t shine through because it’ll get lost. 

Now look at what a difference just adding those line separations makes:

Natsu walks into the guild hall with Happy. He goes over to the job board and picks out a job. 

“Hey Natsu, this job looks like something Lucy would want to do!” Happy says.

“Yeah, maybe she would want to do it. Let’s go find her and ask.” Natsu says.

“Hi Natsu!” Lucy calls as she walks into the guild hall. “What job are you looking at?” She asks and looks at the flier. 

“It’s a job for a Celestial Wizard at an observatory. They’re having a star gazing party tonight and want to have a wizard there to provide some knowledge and magic to entertain people and provide knowledge on the different constellations!” Happy says. 

“Wow that job sounds perfect for me!” Lucy says. “My spirits would love to share their stories and magic with people, and a beautiful clear night under the stars is always such a romantic sight!” She says and blushes. 

“Too bad you won’t have a date!” Happy jokes and Lucy frowns at him. 

“I could bring a date if I wanted to! But it sounds like I’ll be too busy working, so bringing a date wouldn’t be a smart idea anyways.” Lucy sighs. 

“You don’t need to bring some random guy.” Natsu says and slings his arm around her shoulders. “Happy and I will come with you!” 

“Really! Why do you guys want to come?” Lucy asks, blushing. 

“Yeah Natsu why do we want to come?” Happy asks. “It’s not like we’ll be doing anything to help.” 

“We can help Lucy!” Natsu says. “We always drag her on jobs that stress her out somehow but this one is her dream job, we should be there with her to support her since she’s always there for us. And maybe we’ll learn a little something too. It’s the least we can do. Don’t you think so Happy?” Natsu asks.

“Aye Sir!” Happy says. 

“Aw, Natsu that’s so sweet and surprisingly mature of you. Can you promise me that you’ll behave when we’re there?” Lucy asks.

“Nope!” Natsu says.

Lucy sighs. 

------------

See the difference? That was probably a lot easier to read. I bet you read it a lot quicker too. There’s a reason that this format is used in books! The same format needs to be applied to fanfiction in order for it to be more readable! 

But while the format may be better, the description is still lacking which makes for a boring story. You may be able to understand what Natsu, Lucy and Happy are saying and imagine them saying it, but it’s not a very interesting picture if you don’t know what they look like while they’re saying that dialogue, then the readers will be bored and not enjoy the story because while they can get the general gist of what the story is about, they won’t feel as excited about it unless they can read and visualize the emotions that you visualize the characters having in your head. We need to be able to see what you see in order to be engaged with the story. 

So here’s an example of what just adding a little more description of the character’s emotions, body language, brief inner thoughts, and tones of voice among other things to set the scene for readers to see the story you see in your mind:

It was an average morning in Magnolia and Natsu walks into the guild hall with Happy. 

Normally he would go straight to the bar to get some breakfast, but today, he changes course and goes over to the job board because a flier decorated with glittering stars, reminding him instantly of his dear Celestial Mage catches his eye. 

With Lucy’s smiling face pictured in his mind, he plucks the flier from the board and studies it.

Happy hovers over his shoulder and reads the flier too, and understands why it caught Natsu’s attention.

“Hey Natsu, this job looks like something Lucy would want to do!” Happy exclaims.

Natsu rubs his fingers against his chin and his lip curls up into a half-smirk at the mention of her name. 

“Yeah, maybe she would want to do it. Let’s go find her and ask.” Natsu suggests.

But they didn’t have to look far.

“Hi Natsu!” Lucy calls as she walks into the guild hall. 

Natsu smiles and waves at her as she comes over. As she gets closer to her friends, her bright smile turns into a curious frown as she notices that instead of holding a chicken leg like he does every morning, her best friend was holding a job flier.

“What job are you looking at?” She asks once she’s next to Natsu.

Natsu feels his cheeks heat up slightly as Lucy leans forward to read the flier, thus pressing her body closer to his. But they had never been shy when it came to being close to each other, so it didn’t startle him as much as it would have if they weren’t already so close.

“It’s a job for a Celestial Wizard at an observatory. They’re having a star gazing party tonight and want to have a wizard there to provide some knowledge and magic to entertain people and provide knowledge on the different constellations!” Happy explains.

“Wow that job sounds perfect for me!” Lucy says and plucks the flier from Natsu’s hands. “My spirits would love to share their stories and magic with people, and a beautiful clear night under the stars is always such a romantic sight!” She says and blushes while hugging the flier to her chest and swaying slightly as she closes her eyes and fantasizes about it.

“Too bad you won’t have a date!” Happy jokes.

Lucy frowns at him in annoyance of being pulled from her fantasy by Happy’s harsh reminder of reality.

“I could bring a date if I wanted to! But it sounds like I’ll be too busy working, so bringing a date wouldn’t be a smart idea anyways.” Lucy sighs.

Why did her work always seem to impede on her love life? This party would not only be her dream job but her dream date! Too bad she didn’t know any guys who were as interested in her Celestial magic as she was. Or so she thought.

As soon as Lucy had mentioned romance, the gears in Natsu’s head started turning. He didn’t know the first thing about romance. But if romance was what would make this job perfect for Lucy, then it was definitely something he wanted to try if it would make her happy. He would do anything for her, no matter how difficult. He always gives his all for everything important to him, and Lucy may not know it but she was always at the top of his priorities. And as was typical for Natsu, he blurts out the first idea that he comes up with. 

“You don’t need to bring some random guy.” Natsu says and slings his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. “Happy and I will come with you!”

Now that she hadn’t expected. Her face turns pink, from both Natsu’s offer to join her on the job, and the fact that she was currently pressed against his side while tucked under his arm. Even though they’ve embraced many times before, lately, Lucy couldn’t help but get all tingly inside whenever she was this close to him. There was something both exciting and comforting about it that made her heart flutter.

“Really! Why do you guys want to come?” Lucy asks, while blushing. She had no idea what Natsu was going to say next, and her heart immediately hoped it would be something she knew he’d probably never say.

“Yeah Natsu why do we want to come?” Happy asks, breaking Lucy from her thoughts. “It’s not like we’ll be doing anything to help.”

“We can help Lucy!” Natsu says and Lucy’s heart leaps up to her throat, causing her to gasp softly. “We always drag her on jobs that stress her out somehow but this one is her dream job, we should be there with her to support her since she’s always there for us. And maybe we’ll learn a little something too. It’s the least we can do. Don’t you think so Happy?” Natsu asks.

“Aye Sir!” Happy says.

Lucy couldn’t believe her ears. It wasn’t exactly the romantic confession followed by him asking her out on a date that she was imagining, but nevertheless it was sincere and thoughtful and that made warmth spread from her heart across her chest all the same. 

“Aw, Natsu that’s so sweet and surprisingly mature of you.” Lucy says softly while trying to hide her blush. 

Thankfully, Natsu was too busy looking away from her and trying to hide his own blush to notice hers.

As she imagines a perfect night with Natsu under the stars, reality reminds her that this was a job, with Natsu. And that always meant destruction.

 “But, can you promise me that you’ll behave when we’re there?” Lucy asks him with a hopeful smile.

If he was mature enough to go on a job with her that had no interest to him then maybe that meant for once he’d-

“Nope!” Natsu says while flashing her that goofy grin of his.

Lucy sighs and mentally reminds herself not to get her hopes too high when it comes to her relationship with Natsu.

---------

See what a huge difference just adding some description makes? It may have taken you a bit longer to read than the second one, but not that much longer, and honestly readers don’t care how long it takes them to read a story because if it sucks them in, they’ll be absorbed by the story and not even care what time it is. And that’s the point. You want the readers to keep reading. 

After reading the second version of this you probably weren’t too interested in what happens next right? You could close that story and never come back to it. You probably might even forget about it. But with this third version, there’s tension built up by the descriptions. You’re conveying the mutual pining between these two characters. It’s clear that both of them like each other, and that both of them are hoping for something romantic to happen at the star gazing party that night. Will something romantic happen? Probably, since most in-universe fanfiction is written to show what canon leaves unresolved or unexplored. But even with that knowledge in mind, readers will still want to know how it happens in your story! With the second example, they’ll be expecting a rushed resolution that doesn’t delve into the thoughts and feelings of the characters and only their actions. But in the third example, not only are the characters words and actions there, but they’re enhanced by the descriptions that describe their thoughts and emotions about what they’re saying and doing. 

Just by taking a little more time to describe what you see in your mind when you envision what you’re writing, you engage the reader so much more than you ever could with just simple actions and dialogue alone. 

And that’s really the most important thing I want to convey to new fanfiction writers because you don’t often get that kind of advice in comments on the first few stories you post. 

Most people will critique on format and grammar, but I can’t remember ever seeing someone suggest that the writer add more content to their story. 

Words are a writers medium to paint a picture. So use as many words as you can to paint the best picture of what you see in your mind! You don’t have to describe every little detail. Especially in fanfiction since readers will already be familiar with the characters appearances and the locations they’re in if you’re writing an in-universe fic (but if you’re not, then definitely add what they’re wearing and what the location looks like as it sets the scene). But be sure to add if they’re smiling, or blushing, or what their proximity is to other characters because those details may be easily forgotten to a new writer who’s just trying to share their idea with the fandom, but we won’t get the full story you see in your head unless you tell us what the characters are thinking and feeling in those moments! You may see it in your head, but we’re not mind readers. We won’t see what’s in your head unless you put it on the page! 

Writing like this may take you a bit longer to write and if English isn’t your first language then it might mean some trips to google translate to find the word your looking for, but as you can see from my examples above, it’s way worth the extra time it will take in order to put your best work out there to share with the fandom. 

And then right off the bat, the feedback you’re going to get on your first story won’t be “separate the lines” or “fix your grammar” and get straight to people gushing about the content of your story and how you conveyed your idea and how they reacted to it because honestly, when you add more description and the reader can visualize what you’ve written, no one really cares about where you forgot to put a period or misspelled a word. This isn’t a final paper, it’s just for fun! 

And that’s the final piece of advice I want to give to you. This is all for fun. You should feel like you’re having fun when you’re writing a fic, and be happy and encouraged by all of the feedback fellow fans give you on your work. But if there are days when you don’t feel like writing or you’re having a writer’s block. Don’t push yourself. You’re not getting paid to do this. This is something fun for you to do on your own time when you want to. 

Even if people in the comments are begging you for an update, if you don’t have a good idea for the next chapter, or you have too much going on to work on it, they can wait. And they will. Because as a writer, I want to be proud of my work. And I would rather have readers wait six months for a good chapter, than give them a half-assed chapter in three days. Same goes for one-shots. Although people generally won’t beg you to come up with more ideas than they would beg you to update a series you’ve started. And if you never get around to finishing a series because you’ve moved onto another one, that’s okay! Your best work will be whatever you’re passionate about, so always write whatever’s inspiring you the most in that moment. It’ll come out so much better than anything you force yourself to write. And you should never force yourself to write fanfiction. Remember, this is all supposed to be for fun. If you’re not having fun or don’t want to do it then don’t do it! Wait until you want to.

Well, I think that’s enough advice for one post. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me! 

Now that you have some do’s and don’t’s under your belt, why don’t you try putting one of those ideas in your head into words to share with your fandom! We’re always looking for new content! 

[schleierkauz]

Is it me or does The Color not only have inconsistencies, but is it much weaker than the other three? I mean, there are hardly any descriptions, for example. Everything seems summarized, without delving into anything; and it seems there is no development in the characters, they seem a bit... robotic. After Dustfinger's ambivalence in Inkheart and Mo's double soul conflict in Inkdeath (especially Inkdeath is a jewel), and the melodic prose that Cornelia had then, maybe The Color falls short?

I mean, the Violante thing, for example. Violante being a better mother and suddenly overcoming her traumas just by... the intense therapy with the Prince, it seems to me a way to pave the pitfalls without real development. An easy and schematic way, avoiding the conflict. It's like to subtract depth from the characters. And the Violante we knew in Inkdeath didn't need a man to overcome anything! 

VERY interesting message, and you mention some things I’ve also been thinking about, Anon, so this response will probably be pretty lengthy. Edit, yep, it was - I’ll put it under a cut. :D

Alright, so first of all I agree that so far the whole story seems... rushed, especially compared to the very detailed descriptions of the first three books. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we’ve spent very little time with our actual heroes thus far-

There were chapters 2 and 3 from Fenoglio’s perspective (which... not to drag Fenoglio but I think most of us would have preferred a look into someone else’s head), chapter 5 was from Meggie’s perspective but dealt mainly with her love triangle with just a dash of magical exposition, chapter 6 was mainly about trying to find Ironstone (again) and then in chapter 8 everyone vanished and we didn’t get a whole lot of detail there, either. Now, I love chapter 8 and it was very painful to hear, but I think it’s a strange choice to give us so little time with Resa, Mo and Roxane. Especially Roxane, goddamn, she didn’t even get to speak! Just give me a normal day of her peaceful life with Dustfinger and her son, just one, I don’t care if nothing exciting happens, Cornelia.

... But that brings me to my next point. You mentioned how Violante changed and while, yeah, it is a huge thing... I really loved the latest chapter (those descriptions of the red sky, red pages and the red blood on that girl’s hands... loved that), including that part where her whole therapy process was described. It reminded me of the earlier chapters, when Fenoglio cannot believe an actual plot is happening again.

Because it really feels like... yeah, everyone got their Happy Ending. Mo and Dustfinger both have their happy families living peacefully together (even though I really really wanted to see how/if Brianna and Dustfinger repaired their relationship and I think there should have been a spotlight on those two ages ago and it’s really frustrating to me but that’s a post for another time), Elinor and Darius are doing their thing, Violante brought peace to Ombra, loves her son and got to hook up with the Prince, who’s also presumably doing wholesome robber things... you get the idea. It’s this borderline unrealistic fairy tale ending, and everyone thought the story was over - we as the readers, they as the characters and Cornelia Funke as the author.

And then Orpheus set it all on fire.

Personally, I really like that, because now everyone has to figure out how to continue a story they clearly weren’t prepared for. I was actually very sceptical when Fenoglio described Dustfinger as this perfectly calm unafraid best version of himself because, well... good for him, but a character like that isn’t very fun to read about. But seeing how quickly that seemed to crumble when Orpheus’ plan continued, I think things are going to play out in interesting ways from here on out.

Regarding readability, sentence structure and melodic prose... 

Um. Honestly, that’s probably my fault? Cornelia’s writing style has definitely changed and evolved since she wrote the first three books, but as someone who’s read Dragonrider II (which was written like 20 years after the first one) as well as that Pan’s Labyrinth fanfiction that came out last year, I honestly don’t think it’s... less pretty. She still tends to use a lot of metaphors and similes and flowery language. The one exception I can think of is Reckless, and TCoRs style doesn’t remind me of that at all. I really try my best over here but this is the first time I’ve ever translated a longer text from German to English (and not the other way around) and it’s an ambitious project. Think of my versions as, like, the prototype of the prototype. I’m sure the official translations will flow a lot better.

So... Yeah. I agree that parts of TCoR seem strange and clunky, but overall I really enjoy it and I’m looking forward to hear more. Also, keep in mind that these chapters aren’t the finished versions, who knows how much things will change until the final release? 

(Oh, and as for Violante not needing a man in the other books - I disagree, actually. While she has always been a strong character and I love her, she was very much just trying to appear strong in order to defeat her father, and Mo saw through that facade fairly easily. He kept having to remind himself not to dad her... and by the end she was trapped in a hole while her son saved the day. If anything, she’s a stronger force in this book, since she worked through some of her issues and I can’t wait to see her throwing shoes at Orpheus)

[rehziria]

Takami

So... I like to think Takami the thief was stealing to help their sick son. I saw several posts about Horikoshi basing Hawks’s childhood after a soccer player named Lionel Messi who was sickly. FC Barcelona offered to pay for his medical expenses if he played for them. Maybe Keigo was also sickly then? In his flashback though, the HPSC doesn’t mention anything about it. So maybe it came into play in a different way? Maybe Takami was stealing to pay Keigo’s medical bills. But maybe it wasn’t enough, so when they saw Keigo’s quirk they realized they could have an easier time stealing and thus paying Keigo’s bills. Many people in BNHA becomes villains, especially thieves, when their desperate. Not just when their angry. So what if Takami was just that? Desperate. And when their son could help them solve their problem, well why not? They could keep them safe anyway. -- So here’s my extensive stupid idea as to why I think this. 1st. - Keigo was already amazing at using his quirk at such a young age. And yea, that could mean he was just a prodigy. But maybe he wasn’t?  2nd. - We also know that according to baby Hawks, he was saved, most likely by Endeavor since he’s looking at the Endeavor doll while he speaks. 3rd. If we look at current Hawks when he’s talking to Twice, we see a baby Hawks surrounded by pieces of rubble barely peeking out from behind the speech bubble. It looks like maybe this is the scene where Endeavor saved him and it must have been a pretty big fight to have rubble everywhere. (Although Endeavor does overdue things.) Now it’s possible this was some random villain attack and Keigo happened to be there. But what if it wasn’t random? 4th. Everything Horikoshi does seems to have a reason. Name drops are no exception. So why would Ending mention Takami the thief? Well most would say to point out that Hawks had a parent that was a thief and that makes him the opposite of Dabi who’s a villain with a Hero parent. But maybe it was another clue to something else. ----So listen. I’m going to try and put my thoughts out here to try and explain my dumb energy. This is going to go all over the place because I suck at English. I’m sorry in advance. But I want to touch on my reasons for Keigo being used and the thief Takami themselves. --First is Takami and their quirk. Quirks can be several things. A combination of the two parental quirks. (like Bakugou) -extremely common A complete copy. (I think this actually ain’t that common)  A completely new, mutation type quirk. (like Eri) -extremely rare If we’re going with the more common seen one. That would be the combination. Now that would mean for Keigo. One parent had wings (bigger or smaller) and the other had telekinesis. I personally like Takami having wings, but unless they can also detach them and stuff, they probably had telekinesis; since wings wouldn’t be great for stealing and hard to hide. Plus with a telekinesis quirk, grabbing things and running is easy. Now was it a strong telekinesis? Meaning possibly throwing vending machines or even cars at people. Or was it weak and similar to Inko Midoriya, only able to throw small and light objects. Honestly? I’m going to go with it was actually pretty strong. Ending mentions how bright and crazy Endeavor’s flames were when he captured the thief Takami. Which means whoever Takami was and whatever quirk they had, it was pretty dang strong or they were at least really skilled to get Endeavor to use his flames a lot.  --Now back to Keigo. So Takami sees Keigo able to use his feathers like they uses objects and BAM IDEA. Let’s use these feathers as a distraction or smokescreen kind of effect. And if they discovered he could sharpen them, well things just get better from there. A flurry of dagger-like feathers is actually kind terrifying and can cause a lot of confusion.  So Takami gets this brilliant idea and tells Keigo he’s going to start helping them steal. Keigo doesn’t want to though, he knows even at this age it’s wrong and villains hurt people. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody. Takami doesn’t care and uses grown up logic or threats to convince Keigo to do it anyway. --So they start stealing all sorts of things, Keigo being miserable the entire time. People are confused and scared because Takami was already a problem and now they’ve got this kid with them using dagger feathers on people. Endeavor get���s called in because he can certainly handle it.  Takami and him fight and Endeavor of course wins. Takami is arrested and Keigo is ‘saved’ from a life he didn’t want and a parent who didn’t seem to care about him. Endeavor is seen as something amazing at this point. Somebody that beats up bad guys and shines brightly while doing so. Keigo wants to be like that. Nobody is probably going to read the whole thing because I’m sure it’s painful to read through. But I thank you to anyone that does! I spent over an hour trying to make this readable. Also... I wonder if Ending was friends with Takami? My brain thought about it one day. Like Takami had a small gang of fellow thieves. Probably not, but that’s a thing now. lol