#i haven't drawn these guys in years so i'm trying to get back into the swing of things

[babygirlkaramatsu]

hello, my fellow karamatsu comrades.

⛔ BLMATSU / PROSHIPPERS DNI!! ⛔

[yamujiburo]

I'm so thankful for you sharing the importance of protecting minors from sexual content. My parents and I didn't have much knowledge back then and I was exposed to this kind of stuff too early. I developed bad habits. I somehow deceived my family into trusting me way too much and, when I saw I had lost control and I asked for help, I saw my family was also hurt and they spent a lot on therapy and my anxiety medication. I have forgiven them for not knowing back them. But I still haven't forgiven myself for getting them through all that stuff. It's important to understand how much we need to protect minors from sexual content. Family members and artists, please pay attention to the content young audience is exposed to.

Of course! I can relate a lot to this. My parents were really good at monitoring what I was doing online for a while but they started trusting me more and I unfortunately started seeing a lot of stuff I shouldn't have but would keep it secret. Gonna talk about my experience a lil bit under the cut just bc I've been reflecting on it a lot recently (tw for grooming)

I gained a following of around 25K on deviantart by the time I was around 15/16. It was in the worst fandom too (mlp). I'd have a lot of much older men talking to me, drawing/writing nsfw of my characters who were underaged (they'd draw nsfw of myself and my sonas as well). It was so normalized for me and I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time.

I'd shipped Spike and Rarity at the time (very much do not anymore) and adult men would use that ship as a basis for trying to talk to me or get in a relationship. "We're just like Sparity! You're young but you're very mature for your age, so it's fine." I remember one guy trying REALLY hard to try and get me to move in with him. I was pretty creeped out then, but like holy shit that's SUPER creepy and I'm fortunate that he didn't keep trying after I gave him a hard "no".

It bled into my real life a bit when I met a 22 y/o man who asked me out when I was just 16 just turning 17. Luckily the relationship was NOT long lasting (I think he realized that I'm a very boring person LMAO) but I think about how I thought that that was a perfectly normal. I'd date go on to date people who were probably too old for me.

Also around when I was 16/17, people started shipping me with another artist in the fandom who was several years older than I was (side note: nothing wrong with an age gap! but it's very not okay when there's "waiting" for someone to be of legal age involved). I did end up dating said artist after I turned 18 and it was fine, I wasn't hurt or anything but I did find weird that we were shipped when I was still a teenager looking back (there was also nsfw drawn of us together before/when we were dating)

I just had such a warped sense of reality for a long because of this shit. I'm glad there's more conversations about this stuff and it's more known that adults should have little to no personal interaction with kids on the internet and vice versa. There's way too many stories of kids getting taken advantage of in fandom spaces. I think I got off fairly lucky all things considered. But bottom line YES kids need to be protected online and their exposure to sexual content/adult spaces should be limited or monitored. It's also really tough though because not all kids have adults in their real life that they can trust or go to to ask questions about sex so they seek solace in adults online and it's just a constant cycle.

I'm honestly unsure of what to do about that and I don't have all the answers but I ultimately just don't want kids online to end up in similar positions I was in when I was younger. I just do my best

[luveline]

thought of a cute eddie and roan request!! since it’s almost summer time they go to the pool or beach?? roans having a blast

thank you!! dad!eddie takes you and his baby for a trip to the beach (lake)!! this is when they haven't been together as long and roan is younger!! dad eddie x fem!reader ♥︎ 3k

Eddie's daughter is nearly five years old, about 3ft 5in, and weighs less than fifty pounds. She has slightly chubby cheeks, a huge smile, and she has never been this excited in her life. 

"I swear I've taken her on vacation before," Eddie says, his eyes moving between the road, the side of your face, and Roan's joyous expression in the rear view mirror almost frantically. 

You push your sunglasses up your nose. "I believe you. I've seen the photos, Edward." 

He snorts. "You know that's not my name." 

"But it makes derision much funnier to call you something formal."

"You usually go with Munson." 

"I'm feeling festive today, it's such a good day." 

Roan agrees from the back with a small shout. 

You turn in your seat before Eddie can, eyes creased with affection when you see her again. Roan is in her best summer dress with her hair braided back out of her face, ending before her ears so her curls can take centre stage. She's got her delicate blue cardigan on, and a sandwich in her hands. You've been trying to break the long drive into smaller bits for her with snacks and songs, and it's worked thus far. 

"Do you want another sandwich, baby?" you ask, clicking open the the tupperware in your lap. "We've only got PB and J left, Eds. Can I give her that? I don't wanna ruin her dress." 

"If she wants it," he says, shrugging. His expression is cut short as he turns the wheel sharply to the side. "Woah! Sorry, ladies, I almost missed the turn. What a loser."

You tear Roan's sandwich into a smaller one and hand it back through the seats. "Try not to get it on your dress, princess, it's so pretty," you plead. 

"I won't," she says. As soon as you hand her the sandwich she drops it on her skirts. She's just old enough to understand what's happened, and giggles like she thinks she's about to be told off. 

You've seen Eddie do it enough times. Roan drops a crust or spills a drink and Eddie pretends to be cross, eyebrows drawn together in an unconvincing glare. "Roan," he always says, and if he can reach he chucks her under the chin with his knuckle, "how dare you. You know accidents aren't allowed." 

It warms your heart that her reaction to a potential chastisement is laughter. 

Roan has firmly passed baby stage: she doesn't look like a big baby, she looks like a very small child, with deceptively long arms and legs. She waves one leg toward you and says in her high-pitched, sometimes illegible voice, "My shoe's coming off." 

Her shoe isn't coming off, but the buckle around her ankle has come undone. 

"Oh no," you dote, leaning through the two front seats of Eddie's car to help. "What happened? You're too happy, babe, all your dancing must've wiggled the buckle free."

"I'm too happy," she agrees, "we're going to the beach now." 

"We're nearly there," Eddie says. 

Indiana Beach is an amusement park on Lake Shafer ninety miles away from Indianapolis, which is a good eighty miles from Hawkins. If you were to draw this journey on a map, it would look like the hands of a clock at three thirty, or a 'Y' without one of its eyes. With Eddie's cautious driving but not much traffic, it had taken you guys nearly three hours from the time you set off from his trailer at seven in the morning to now. It's an aching amount of time to confine a child, and Roan hasn't slept a wink, so her happy attitude is miraculous and perhaps precarious. 

Which is to say, you smother her in love and hope it will keep her from becoming too agitated. You and Eddie have already discussed the possibilities of her behaviour — if she started a screaming crying tantrum as she sometimes does, Eddie would pull over and you'd climb in the back. If your company didn't help, he'd pull over again and you'd take a break wherever you were. If she still didn't improve, you'd think about going home. The point of the trip is for Roan to have fun.

You can see the Galaxi from a mile away, a huge curling roller coaster on the Indiana Beach pier. Eddie starts grinning, really smiling, the kind you don't get to see very often. He smiled like that when he asked you to be his girlfriend outside of the Hawk movie theatre, and he smiled worse when you told him you loved him for the first time, your hand pressed against his chest and your face hiding in the crook of his neck. 

"Ro!" he says loudly, turning onto a side street in search of the parking lot, "look, baby! Can you see the lake? The beach? It's so sunny, oh my goodness." 

His hand reaches across for you. He squeezes your leg roughly, and it aches in the best way, fingertips digging into the soft inside of your thigh. You can't help laughing, pleasantly startled by his obvious joy. 

Roan starts talking and you're sorry but you're not an expert in her warbling yet, not when she's speaking a mile a minute. You catch "beach," and "sunshine," and "daddy!" but that's about it. 

He drives into a ticket parking lot a fifteen minute walk from the pier and finds a space with ease. You quickly undo your belt and get out, stretching your arms behind your back and leaning forward to roll your neck out. You're sore from all the back and forth, attention split between Eddie and Roan for the last three hours. 

Eddie gets out on the other side, and he should get Roan's stroller first, but it was never going to happen. He opens Roan's door and the excited stream of chatter increases between the both of them. You come around the back of the car and watch him pull her out of her car seat, fussing over her skirts and her hair and her tiny shoes. He makes one of those heaving dad groans when he picks her up, one arm skewed under her butt and the other behind her back. It's more hug than carry. 

"Hey, baby," he says, "how's that? Is it nice to be out of the car?" His hand moves to her legs. "Should we do some walking and stretching?" 

He rubs her legs. 

"Daddy, it's sunny, it's like– like with Uncle Wayne, when'd he says that the sunshine is out to play," she says, her hands moving from her chest and into the air above her head like a burst. "It's not messing around!" 

You laugh, your heart melted to a wet goo. Eddie gives you an eyeful, as if to say, Yeah, I made her, that's my kid, and I know she's the cutest thing on God's green earth, thank you very much for noticing. 

"It's not," he agrees, putting her down on the ground. You stand a little ways away, knowing she won't run into traffic but worried anyhow. 

Eddie holds one of her hands and Roan puts the other one back in the air, stretching up big and tall. Eddie strokes a hair behind her ear, and his thumb lingers affectionately on her cheek. 

"Will you wear your hat?" he asks. 

"Do you have a hat?" 

"Uh, no, daddy doesn't have one," he says. 

"But I do!" you butt in.

They turn to look at you. You open the trunk, digging through your packed bags to find the sunhat you'd brought with you. You pop it on your head and turn to smile at them. "See? So you wear yours and we'll be matching." 

Roan doesn't hesitate to crowd your legs. You grab her hat from her 'baby' bag and place it carefully on her head. It hides her beautiful hairdo, but it'll keep her safe from the heat. She looks you in the face and grins. 

"Beautiful," you compliment. 

Eddie doesn't look quite as summer ready as you both. His hair is down, shiny clean but unlikely to stay that way considering the heat. He's wearing blue denim rather than black, something he'd spoken of with horror but more than pulls off, and a black Motorhead t-shirt. There's one chain around his neck that he never takes off, but besides that he's sans jewellery. 

"Roan," he says, "we're gonna walk to the pier to stretch our legs, but you have to hold hands. And you can sit down in the stroller when they're tired again." She nods hurriedly at the idea that she'll be free for a while. "Okay. Alright." 

Eddie gets her stroller out and unfolds it, putting her baby bag in the seat. You rake your fingers through the ends of Roan's hair while you wait, the sun warming the back of your neck already. 

Eddie locks the car, and the three of you start toward the pier. Roan holds your hand and Eddie pushes the stroller out of the parking lot and onto the sidewalk that leads to the pier. 

The smell of salt tickles your nose. Roan's hand flutters in yours like a hummingbird, excited gasps breaching her lips when you pass an ice cream stand bragging rainbow cotton candy bigger than her head, kaleidoscope gelato, Popsicles in cherry red, raspberry blue and lime green. Her eyes widen at the sight of huge diamond kites, yellow rubber dinghies, surfboards and wetsuits dripping water down sandy ankles. 

You know Eddie's been saving. He confessed, when you'd brought up your concern one night, that he wants her to have everything. 

What's going on? you'd asked, frowning at his bedraggled face after another late shift. You knew Wayne had been picking Roan up from daycare to let him keep working, and it just hadn't been like Eddie to do that. You can tell me anything.

You'd been expecting, regrettably, money troubles. The Munson's aren't rich but they've never been hurting for money since you met, and all these extra hours has you assuming the worst. 

Eddie rubbed a tired eye. I just want her to have everything. I don't want to say no. Not even once. When we go on vacation, I want her to point at things and I want her to know how it feels to be able to have them without a fight. 

Admirable, a tinsy bit silly. Of course he wants that, isn't that what everyone wants for their children? Admirable, because he wanted it and he worked for it, and he saved up enough to bring Roan here and spoil her within an inch of her life. Silly, because Roan doesn't ask for much. She does ask for stuff, of course, but she's not gonna beg him for a two hundred dollar professional kite, or state of the art arm floaties. But just because you think it's a little silly doesn't mean you aren't incredibly in love with him, impressed by and proud of his efforts. 

He wants to get Roan everything. And so they start with shaved ice. 

It's the second stand you see, just off of the pier with a long, long line. Eddie scoops her up off of the floor so she can see the different flavour combinations, and it's no surprise when she chooses all the pinks and red. Strawberry, cherry, and pink lemonade. The cone is bigger than her hands and costs a ridiculous seven dollars. 

The small smile on Eddie's lips when he can crack out a crisp twenty dollar bill and hand it over makes you smile, too. It's satisfying. All that hard work was worth it for this moment. 

And the moment after. Eddie takes the snow cone and Roan audibly sighs. 

"Oh, my gosh," she says. 

You laugh. Eddie looks at you from over his shoulder and beams. 

Roan wants to do everything, as Eddie predicted. She plays arcade games she's too short for, hoisted up on his knee or in your arms, face screwed in concentration every time, and though the controls escape her she loves hitting the big red button and watching the claw come down. 

But she also wants stuff money can't buy. She wants Eddie to hug her when the clown walks past because he's big and bright and a little scary. She wants kisses when they stand at the side of the pier to look at the lake, blue and clear as an ocean, and drops some of her own against Eddie's sweaty cheek when she's been loved up. She wants you both to swing her by the hand when you're walking down the ramp to the beach, which is difficult but not impossible with the stroller in Eddie's other hand. 

She wants to get ice cream, and a slurpee despite her half eaten snow cone. She wants soft pretzels and churros and a hotdog with extra onions. She wants a surfboard, and you dissuade Eddie from getting her one of the proper ones in favour of a floatie. 

She wants you to put the finishing touches on her crumbly sand castles, and to cuddle in your lap when Eddie makes her drink from a cold bottle of water. When you've been sat in the sun so long that your brain is jellified and you have more sand in your shoes than sock, she springs up from her stomach where she'd been kicking her little feet drawing smiley faces in the sand and demands you take her down to the waterfront. You leave your towels on and the stroller further up the bank and pray for the best, and Eddie peels out of his t-shirt and rolls up his pants a couple of feet from the water. Eddie pulls her sandy dress off to reveal the swimming costume she'd been wearing underneath, a bright yellow costume with a skirt, not too tight to hurt, and bends down at the waist to talk to her as they wait for the water to rush in. You encourage armbands over her elbows. 

"It's gonna be cold, Ro, so we have to run in! Are you ready?" 

"I'm super ready!" she says, squeezing his hand and squaring her shoulders. 

You secure her bands and take her other hand into your right hand, your shoes in your left, bracing yourself for the shock. 

You run in full pelt and screaming with joy. Roan's voice turns into a stream of "oh my god oh my gosh daddy pick me up'd it's too cold oh my gosh," as the water covers your calves and her waist. Eddie immediately leans down to pick her up, out of choices and surprised by her loud aversion. Water stains him from knee to navel. 

"It's not that bad, babe," he says, though he meets your gaze over her head and mock glares at your shaking head. It's freezing. "We just have to get used to it. Ready?" 

He doesn't let her get ready. He doesn't let you get ready. He grabs your wrist and pulls you with him, fighting the cold as the gentle lake tide laps at your waists. 

"Eddie, our pants!" you protest. You'd brought spare clothes in case of any accidents. This is decidedly not an accident. 

"Please, sweetheart, just come in," he says. 

He should legally be prevented from saying please and sweetheart in the same sentence. You submerge yourself to the waist as he wanted and stand there in the water, the taste of river water heavy on your lips now, splashes of cold wetting higher up your chest. It's close to intolerable, the only saving grace the heavy heat of the sunshine above you.

"How's that, Roanie?" he asks.

He's clearly having a blast. His eyes are brighter than the sun dappling that kisses the waves. 

"It feels squishy," you say, adjusting your footing in the sandy bottom of the lake. 

"This is so FUN!" Roan shouts, letting go of Eddie's neck to put her hands in the water. She splashes the surface and soaks Eddie's t-shirt to the neck in the process. 

You almost fall over trying to find his waist in the blue. You wrap and arm around Roan and Eddie wraps and arm around you, the three of you much too deep in the lake and with no plans of turning around just yet. 

"This is so fun," he says, kissing her cheek, kissing yours. "We should do this every year." 

You smile at his chest. 

You hadn't realised, yet, that he wanted you every year. Roan babbles her agreements, talking about her snow cone and the sunshine and her floatie. She stops suddenly. 

Eddie rubs her shoulder, water shining across her pale skin. "What, babe?" 

"Daddy, where's my floatie?" 

You head back up the beach to find it. Her stroller and your towels have been left alone, but the floatie must've been too tempting. 

Eddie, without complaint, goes to buy another. 

—

more Eddie and Roan ♡

please reblog if you enjoyed, it means so much!

[nnight-dances]

SWEET BOY

PAIRING: lee seokmin x f!reader (ft. choi vernon)

GENRE: fluff, angst

TROPES: older brother figure to lover, childhood friends to lovers, coworkers to lovers, jealousy, skinship, dk being a blushy idiot and you being a plain idiot.

lines are funny when it comes to your life. lines drawn from one point to another, lines forced to keep your work life and your personal life, but most important the big daunting line between you and your crush of nearly two years now, dokyeom. 

it's funny, it really is, given how much time you've spent riling yourself up over him, telling yourself that he should retain the role he always had in your life: the older brother figure. because dokyeom's heart-warmingly kind, no even more so– blood-curdingly kind, painfully nice to everyone he meets, patient beyond imagination. he's worse than any nice guys you've met, simply because he fits the archetype too well to be real. 

"don't you get tired?" you ask him, when he shows up at your door, clutching bags of take-out food, no doubt after hearing from your mom how you haven't had a chance to eat. yet, you'd emphasized to her after you'd made the mistake of letting her know you were too busy to cook. 

"shouldn't i be asking you that?" dokyeom grunts as he lets himself into your house, familiar with the place like the back of his hand. "i know mr. ko called you in and gave you an earful for missing the last deadline, but that's no excuse to skip meals."

okay, worth mentioning is the fact that while you knew dokyeom since childhood thanks to the fact that you grew up in the same household, you'd also ended up moving to the city to sign a contract with the publishing company where he worked at, as an editor. it was half a coincidence, because you can't say you sought out the company simply on its merits. 

you sigh as you stretch out a crick in your neck, "i'm not doing this because mr. ko told me to. i'm fine, i'm just trying to clear up my schedule before the end of the year. god knows i don't want to be working on new year's eve."

"and you won't," dokyeom takes off his coat, revealing a light blue sweater underneath, one that you've grown fond of. it's a sweet sweater, for a sweet man. 

"well, thanks, anyway. for the food. sorry if my mom pestered you into doing this."

"i don't want to hear a word out of you till you've eaten."

you obey him silently, taking out the lukewarm bánh mì from its bag and starting to eat. dokyeom watches with a slight smile, noting how your hair was in a ponytail, a rare occurrence. just another indication that you were forcing yourself to work too hard. 

"what am i going to with you…" he muses to himself, slowly tidying up the mess on your writing corner. the little wooden table you'd spent hours studying and testing before buying, is crowded with stationery and a few notebooks. your laptop sits blank, screen indicating that it was close to dying. dokyeom brushes off the stray balls of napkins off and into the small trashcan next to the chair, followed by all the tiny eraser dust particles. he's just plugged in your laptop when he hears you call out his name softly. 

"hmm?" he calls back. "you want some coffee?" you ask and when dokyeom arches a brow at you, you wave your empty hands, "i'm done eating! can a girl not want a warm liquid post-meal?"

"fine, fine. i'll have some, thanks." he laughs as you glare at him, mumbling incoherencies about him. 

"oh, right, i almost forgot to tell you," dokyeom pulls out his phone, ten minutes later when the two of you are settled on the couch, waiting for your steaming mugs to settle down a little. "there's a department-wide party this sunday, an end of year gathering or something. you should come, i hear the budget this year's crazy. it's at a fancy hotel and everything."

you narrow your eyes at dokyeom, "i don't know about that. work parties are a slog, dude. i can't stand to get drunk with the people who literally torture the creativity out of me."

"that's harsh, y/n. and an exaggeration."

"whatever…" you fiddle with the sleeves of your sweatshirt, "i… i don't even have a date. it's kind of a short notice to find someone anyway–"

"i'll be your date," dokyeom offers, faster than either of you could comprehend his response. his ears flush, "um, i mean, i'll go with you, if you don't… mind."

"why would i mind? i just thought you'd have someone to go with already," you say and when you catch the shy look on your friend's face, "unless of course, nobody's asked you. which i totally understand."

"hey! i don't want to take names but i've had to tell some people no already. so don't–"

"oh? so you rejected the people who did ask you? i thought you were too nice to do that. "

"yeah, i did. i didn't want to go with them. i don't know them well enough to guarantee they'll be fun for the entire night. plus, it's messy going with someone from work. you agree once, who's to say they'll keep asking you for life?"

"i'm someone from work, too," you point out, averting your gaze to the coffee, watching the evaporation swirl around. 

"you're different, silly," dokyeom chuckles out, arm hitting yours, "we're already messy. i knew you before work, and i'll know you long after. we're more than that, you know?"

that? whatever he meant, you find your heart soaring ever so much, "hm, i suppose you're not wrong. fine, i'll come to the party." if it's with you. 

that night you find yourself obsessing over this conversation. what did dk mean we're already messy? you were messy? you knew he didn't mean that like a bad thing but the word unsettled you anyway. your feelings for him only made it harder to listen to him objectively, especially when he says stuff like we're more than that. more than what, exactly?

– 

dokyeom's having a hell of a day, carrying around a headache he's had since this morning and a heavy to-do list that doesn't seem to be going anywhere despite the fact that he's been at his desk for about five hours now. he sits back with a grunt, taking his eyes off his screen for a moment to take a break. 

as soon as he tunes back into the physical world around him, he overhears his coworkers chatting near his desk, instant coffeee in hand. 

"yo, you're kidding! how'd you get her number finally?" ren, a newbie, elbows the man next to him. vernon, the man in question, is grinning too wide for his own good. 

"i just asked her for it. i told her i had some important doubts about her new manuscript."

"that didn't annoy her?"

"nah, y/n's chill like that. she was super nice about it, too, telling me she would love to hear from me."

ren gasps dramatically, "no way, do you think she–"

dokyeom clears his throat with a start, having had enough as an eavesdropper for the day. he stands up, making eye-contact with vernon who shoots him a nonchalant smile. it pisses dokyeom off, how wasn't he bothered? 

his headache's only getting worse so he decides to get himself something to eat while he's at it. some fresh air might help him. he shoots the pair a stiff smile as he leaves the office, hand clutching his phone a little too hard. as he gets into the elevator, he's alerted of a message.

speak of the devil, he thinks when your name pops up on his screen. am i expected to dress formal for this party? you ask. 

only if u want to :) he shoots back.

… what kind of an answer is that. 

an honest one. expectations are only as high as you want them to be.

you know i hate you right 

enough to ask me to be ur date? <3 <3 

you're befuddled on the other side of the chat, "who asked who?" you mumble, choosing to not respond to dokyeom's frustrating reply to your very genuine question. 

dokyeom, on the other hand, is feeling much better now that he's had a chance to talk to you. where you're reserved about your feelings for him, dokyeom really couldn't be more transparent about them. or so he thinks. but really, he's convinced he couldn't be clearer about how he feels about you– instantaneous responses to your texts, making sure you eat on time, corresponding with your mom to reassure her of your good health, careful attention to what you're into at the time so he can buy you the things you refuse to splurge on. 

to dokyeom, this was the clearest confession of his love for you. the only reason he hasn't vocalized it in person is because he doubts any good would come out of it. he's more than happy with the relationship he has with you, a safe enough distance but a warm closeness anyway. besides, he's pretty certain you think of him as more of a brother than anything. an older brother figure you've known since you were children. better to keep things the way they were. right?

– 

dokyeom's increasily unsure about his convictions to keep things the same. maybe it had something to do with the fact that you look breathtaking tonight. you're adorned in the prettiest pink dress, eyes sparkling more than usual thanks to the glitter you'd dabbed on and hair cascading down to your shoulders in curls that has him a little weak in the knees.

he does visibly gape at you when you greet him at the door with a small smile. he's flustered enough to be out of words so you're left speaking to a shell of him. "hey, you're a little earlier than i imagined. i'm almost ready. come in though." 

when he stands still despite your invitation, you frown. "dokyeom?" he bites his lip as he comes to and nods, walking in after you. "you good?"

"yeah, just a little nervous."

"nervous?" 

"you look really pretty," he musters, reddening when your eyes widen at his honest confession, "i'm a little dizzy." the two statements are correlated but you don't pick up on that, instead becomes concerned. you take his arm and your cold touch on his arm only sends him further down his dazed condition.

"dizzy? that's no good. come sit," you pull him to the couch, making him take a seat. god, dokyeom thinks he's dreaming when you touch his cheek, "do you need medicine? warm tea? water?"

he clears his throat, "n-no, i'm fine," he lets himself fall against the cushions, closing his eyes against the rush in his veins. "just– you should go get ready. i'll be back to normal soon."

you look at him in confusion for a prolonged few seconds before giving up and doing as he said. when you come back, you have a lip gloss and heels on. "okay," you announce to the back of dokyeom's head, "i'm ready, dk."

he sits up quickly, head clearing up now. he turns around to you and smiles a cheerful smile that is much more like him. "alright! let's go!" 

you watch him warily anyway, all the way to his car. "ah, your hair–" you reach out to the back of his head where some hair stuck out from his earlier meltdown. gently, you brush the disturbances away, fingers swift in their adminstrations. dokyeom thinks he might break down again, the gesture making him feel giddy all over again. it doesn't help when he feels your warm breath on his neck when you sigh, returning to your seat. "ok, no more hair casualities, we are set to go."

dokyeom can't afford to look up at you so he simply starts the car, keeping his head straight so he can drive the both of you to the venue safely. 

being in a room bustling with people he knows really helps dokyeom, for as soon as you reach the hall, he takes off in a rush, something about having to greet everyone that's important. you don't know to feel about his flight but you manage to shrug it off, trusting him enough to know he'll be back before long. 

you station yourself near the refreshments, finding yourself a flute of champagne and some hors d'oeuvres to keep you company while dokyeom does what he does. you find yourself mildly enjoying yourself, people-watching all sorts of groups and downing your second serving of champagne, when you're joined by someone. 

it's kitty, a coworker you're less than fond of, thanks to her loud mouth and overwhelming beauty. she's dressed in an immaculate white dress, face glowing even in the harsh light as she smiles at you. "y/n!"

"kitty," you acknowledge her with a cordial nod of your own, hoping this wouldn't take too long.

"how've you been? you look much better than the last time i saw, so not too bad i hope!"

your smile sours, "i'm fine, kitty. nice to see you're feeling as chatty as usual." 

"i am! what better ocassion than a party to be social," she remarks pointedly and you contain a sigh. kitty was an important coworker, unfortunately for you, with her in charge for your public image and general likeability. it really should be criminal how little she likes you for someone who has to make sure you appeal to the masses. 

"i didn't even think i'd see you around. you have a date?"

"i'm here with dokyeom, yeah." 

this seems to startle kitty, because she's speechless for a moment. "dokyeom? he said yes to you?"

ignoring whatever undertones of disbelief kitty's giving off, you roll your eyes, "it was more that he forced me to come with him, but yeah, sure, however you wanna say it." 

"wow, dokyeom's really kind to do that. he even turned me down. he must really treasure your friendship."

now you've had enough of her insinuations, so you cut the chat short. "sorry, kitty, i need to use the bathroom. excuse me." 

you break away from her, feeling the weight of her glare at your aloofness. you really don't care for her snarky remarks usual, long-accustomed to the kind of gossip she likes to generate. but tonight, your tolerance was low. you didn't want to think about why dokyeom asked you to come to the party, and you certainly didn't want kitty's suggestions marinate in your mind. but it's too late, you feel your chest tighten at the thought of dokyeom feeling pity for you, asking you to come because that's just how kind he was, and you, his best charity case. 

dokyeom spots you from across the room where he's eventually recovered from his weak condition. he feels guilt spike through his veins when he sees you storm away from kitty, who's no doubt spewed some obnoxious nonsense to make you leave the room with that tense expression of yours.

he excuses himself from his conversation to run off after you, managing to catch you as you leave the hall. 

"y/n!" he calls out, catching ahold of your shoulder. "where are you going?" 

you stop, startled by dokyeom's interception. you slowly turn around, trying your best to neutralize your expression. "um, just using the bathroom. i drank that champagne a little too fast." 

"oh, you sure you're okay? i saw you talking to kitty earlier and i know how frustrating she can be."

you laugh mirthlessly, "i'll be okay as long as i don't run into her in the next five months or so." you turn away, presumably toward the washroom. you'd hoped your explanation would be enough to soothe dokyeom's curiosity but then you hear him follow after you. 

"dk?"

"i'll go with you."

"to the washroom?" 

"uh, yeah. i'll walk you in case you can't find your way back."

"they have signs everywhere and the party's in the biggest hall here– i– whatever, i need to pee too bad to argue with you right now." 

from thereon, dokyeom doesn't leave your side for a second. you don't know what to think of it but you don't complain because your mood's much better when you spend your time by his side, shitting on the ocassional passerby and laughing at each other's jokes. 

dokyeom regrets leaving you by yourself in the first place, especially because he's almost too certain that kitty had told you he'd turned her invitation down. it was awkward to even look at her, let alone talk to her. but then again, she's never been one to care about other people's comfort because about halfway into the night, you spot her trailing back to your table with a few people following her. 

the group crowds your table and you find yourself pressed against a stranger who no doubt works with kitty. he shoots you a sleazy smile and you're grateful when you feel dokyeom subtly pull you closer toward him with a hand around your waist. what you don't expect is him to leave him arm there, draped down your back, finger resting against the small of lower back, sending chills up your spine.

"hey, you two! what're you upto, you've been stuck to this table for the entire night," kitty laughs. 

dokyeom notices vernon among the group, much to his chagrin, smiling at you boyishly. you wave back at vernon with a soft chuckle, thankful that not everyone in this crowd was a snoozefest. 

"just talking," is dokyeom's curt response. "are y'all enjoying the party?" he adresses the larger group, making it a point to not look at kitty. 

"i wish there was more real food," someones pipes in with a grunt and people laugh in agreement. 

"the wine's really good though. expensive stuff," vernon points out, looking at the wine glass propped between you and dokyeom. 

"yeah, it's maybe the best thing about this party," you chime in with a smile. before dokyeom can somehow bring up the fact that he'd been drinking out of the same glass as you, ren gasps out loud, "oh my god, guys, the mistletoe man's back!"

you look around in confusion and find a man dressed in green overalls walking around with some mistletoe stuck his chest, neatly tied with a red ribbon stuck to his chest. "the fuck?" you mumble out and dokyeom laughs at your bewilderment. "it's a stupid tradition," dokyeom says softly to you, "heard someone say it's to foster closer connections between workers."

"by forcing them to kiss?" you whisper back with a grimace as you watch a pair break away from their kiss with bitter expressions. it's fine though because they look at each other's disgust and break into laughter, their table cheering them on. 

"i think it's cute!" kitty remarks, watching the man as he turns around from a few tables over.

"shit, i think he's coming over here," ren curses. "why's that a bad thing?" kitty questions, smiling, eyes glued to the side of dokyeom's face. you might gouge your eyes out one of these days. you're too busy ignoring the ruckus kitty's causing with her frantic giggles as the mistetoe man approaches her. but then he goes past her and she goes silent, eyes coming to still behind you. that's when you realize the mistletoe man's standing square between you and dokyeom. 

you turn around to the man with wide eyes but he simply smiles, "the mistletoe man knows when he sees two lovers!" you don't know what he means till you become aware of dokyeom's arm around you. he pulls away in surprise and his face is red when you look up at dokyeom. 

"this is stupid," you murmur, hoping he'll agree and you wouldn't have to participate in this tradition.

"kiss! kiss! kiss!" ren starts a chant and everyone but kitty and vernon is quick to join in. dokyeom looks bewildered at the unison, and he looks at you, then down at your lips. "we don't have to do this," he comforts you.

"do you want to?" you ask him under your breath. you feel yourself flushing. 

"i'll do it if you want to."

you hate how agreeable dokyeom is sometimes, wishing he would decide for you, for this once. you don't want to think about all the eyes on you, the whispering that's no doubt been reignited. everyone knows you and dokyeom have been friends and maybe something more for years now, but to witness conclusive proof is thrilling to them. 

you feel frozen with the weight of the decision upon you. but then kitty opens her stupid mouth, "ah, dokyeomie, you don't have to do something you don't want to–" 

that spurs you on, you find yourself pressing yourself against dokyeom, raising yourself to his height so you can press your lips to his. he meets you halfway, as if he'd been waiting for you to do exactly this, his large hand finding your cheek so he can seal the deal. 

this goes without saying, you've never kissed dokyeom before, but the way it feels so natural has you questioning if this really was the first time. his lips are pillowy against yourself, his breath hitting your face sweetly when you finally pull away. his eyes are hooded like you've never seen them and you really wish you could memorize this feeling, ingrain it into your mind for later. 

but the moment breaks when you hear the table around you erupt with all kinds of reactions. you don't care to look though, too busy with your own reaction to handle. your heart's fluttering but your eyes feel watery when you pull away from dokyeom. you don't know what to think of all the lines you've been worrying about, the line between you and dokyeom cracking the moment you leaned into his lips. 

–

dokyeom's scared for his life right now. after the chaos around you settled a little, you'd looked at him and quietly asked if he could drive you home right now. he'd been quick to agree, following you out of the door without bidding anyone goodbye. but you're silent the entire walk to his car, not answering him when he asks if you're okay. 

now that you're settled in the car, he pauses before starting the engine. "y/n," he starts softly. you focus on your breathing, staring down at your hands blankly. "i'm sorry."

this makes you look up at him, mouth slightly ajar. "...why are you sorry?" you ask quietly, lips set in a narrow line.

"i– that must have made you uncomfortable. i didn't know what else to–"

"i was the one who kissed you," you comment, looking away and out the window, hands now fists in your lap. dokyeom watches as you tuck some stray strands of hair behind your ear, "i should be sorry."

should be, because you weren't a bit sorry about the kiss. the circumstances that caused it? sure. but the kiss itself wasn't something you would undo. 

dokyeom doesn't know what to say because there's so much to say. where does he even start? "i thought you always saw me as a… brother." 

"what?" your eyes hold a sea of disbelief in them but then as you blink back at a solemn dokyeom, you think it's not that crazy for him to think that after all. "well, i used to. how could i not? mom had drilled it into my system to rely on you like you were family."

dokyeom hums, "...and?"

"i mean, i clearly don't think… i don't have the feelings of a sister toward you," you mumble, your cheeks on fire when you hear your poor phrasing. "if i did, it would be a problem that i wanted to kiss back there."

"you did?" dokyeom gapes and you look at him with a slight tilt of your head. "i– obviously!" you tell him. 

he swallows, "wow. i don't even know what to think–" it's his turn to look at his hands that are trembling, "honest to god, i've never harboured anything but romantic feelings for you, y/n." he says this, head lowered as if in shame, ears revealing how embarassed he was. "i love your mother, but i swear she wanted to kill me the way she encouraged you to call me your brother when you were out with me." 

you grimace, holding back a chuckle, "i'm sorry…" 

"don't be," dokyeom sounds truly defeated, as if the work of hiding his feelings from you had finally caught up with him. "i'm sorry i didn't make myself clearer sooner. never imagined we'd talk about this because we got bullied into our first kiss."

you sigh, nodding as you mutter an agreement. dokyeom rises from his slouch slowly, coming to lock eyes with you. one of his hands comes to rest atop your own fist, prying it open so that you were holding his. you feel warm beyond imagination, feeling like you might burst open with the intensity of your feelings for dokyeom, wondering how you'd ever managed to keep them secret. 

"can…" you stop, voice hoarse, licking your lips nervously, "will you kiss me? for real this time?"

it doesn't take dokyeom a moment's hesitation to close the distance betwen you, his soft lips back on yours, not soon enough for you to get used to the gentle saccharine daze that overcame you. your unoccupied hand card through his hair, similar to a few hours ago when you'd been fixing it, but this time dokyeom lets out the mewl he'd been contatining last time.

he pulls away with a somewhat grunt, eyes starry, "there's no way you didn't know what your were doing." you look back at him, a little breathless with a look of complete confusion. 

he sighs, giving in and rest his head against yours, "when you were fixing my hair earlier, i thought i'd die of a heart attack. finally give up and move on from you, if only in death."

"don't say that, dk," you scold him, hands around him in concern, "and i don't understand why– i mean i feel like we've touched… in other ways before so–"

"i don't know either!" he exclaims, "i just– you looked so fucking gorgeous tonight and then you kept being oblivious to how obviously down bad i am for you– i just couldn't."

"hey, you weren't obvious if i didn't know! that's unfair…" you mumble, looking away with flushed cheeks. it didn't make sense to you.  but dokyeom simply laughs into your shoulder, pulling you into a hug, not much of a change for your dynamic. you'd hugged dokyeom countless times before but now you feel unimaginably closer to him, like you were actually holding him, the entirety of him in your arms. it was incredible, the warmth that blossomed inside you in the silence that surrounded you. it was love.

love shows up even in the early mornings when you're with dokyeom. he'd slept over after your date last night, when you'd insisted you would be too lonely to sleep if he promptly took off (like a gentleman, he commented). you'd laid in bed till 2 am, kissing and talking the night away, his hands finding their indents underneath your worn-out tee. 

you wake up to his nose snuggled in your neck, breathing softly in slumber, hair sticking out every which way. you can't help the loving giggle that leaves you, making him stir in his sleep, arm coming to sit atop your bare stomach. 

"sweet boy," you mumble, placing a kiss atop his forehead and watching in awe as his brown eyes come to life at the action. "you awake?" you jokingly ask but dokyeom responds with a groggy grunt, smiling with fluttering eyes. 

you run a finger through his hair. he groans, "don't wake up yet." you laugh, stroking a strand behind his ear, "but i'm already–" 

he cuts you off with a pout, "no, don't wake up, love. please, want to sleep some more." 

you sigh and shift impossibly closer to him. "all right, then. can't argue with that logic." 

with that, you doze off again. how you manage to fall right back asleep is beyond you, though it might have something to do with the fact that dokyeom's presence brings you a serenity you didn't know you could feel, a feeling that's better than the soft comforter that he himself had picked out for your bed. his arms hold you close, the sweetness melting your heart the whole time you dream, dreaming of dokyeom and of love.

[bonuscatart]

Things I know about Dungeon Meshi via Tumblr osmosis

Dwarf guy, halfling guy, blond knight dude, elf lady, and catgirl are a group of adventurers in a dungeon (called Meshi?) I thought there were two elves, but I think there's actually just one?

Dying in the Dungeon Maybe-Meshi kinda works like Minecraft, AKA no permanent deaths. There's a bunch of monsters that will kill you. There might be other dungeons, but we only really see this one

Dwarf guy, Senshi, is good at cooking stuff. The anime sometimes blows his skirt up for some reason. Idk if the manga also does that. His beard metaphorically slays, and he doesn't take off his helmet. I'm starting to wonder if that's his head/horns

Halfling guy, Chilchuck, is this universe's version of a hobbit. I think he has something to do with traps. Halflings get kinda babied by other races, which Chillchuck objects to. He is a dad with daughters. He's a union member and knows workers rights for realsies. I haven't heard audio of DM, so I'm guessing he either sounds like a middle schooler or a 40-year-old man

Blond knight dude, Laos, Latois, uhhh *checks post* Laois, is a nerd with Kenergy. One time he sang a secret song back to sirens perfectly, and it weirded the sirens out. He likes to eat monsters. He would probably eat roadkill (not judging)

Elf lady, *checks post again* Marcille, is kinda like Éowyn or Galadriel from Lord of the Rings? She's good at magic. She can make cool soap. I think her hair is magic? One time she ran bloody fingers through her hair to do dark magic, which was Plot Significant

Catgirl, Izutsumi (yes I had to check the post for spelling), does? cat stuff? She likes to sleep on top of people for warmth, like a cat. She's sometimes drawn like a silly cat in the manga. I don't really know much about her, sorry

I have no idea who the main villains are. They locked the protagonists up, but the gang got out with the power of friendship and being confusing

Honestly, if there's people exploring a dungeon, why would you not expect them to know how to pick locks? I think it was kinda dumb for the villains to try that. Idk, maybe there's a good track record for Dungeon in a Dungeon™

[sissylittlefeather]

A/N: here it is! I finally finished it! This could be a prequel to my other two, if you want it to be. Otherwise, it's just a fun 2nd person Elvis x fem!reader one-shot about a young and innocent Elvis on the night he becomes a man. There are most definitely historical inaccuracies, but let's just let those slide please 🥺. I'd love feedback, if you have any!

Warnings: Virgin Elvis, f/m p in v sex, fingering, lots of kissing, kind of a slow burn, unprotected sex, cussing, etc

Last thing: I'm using a gif of Austin Elvis and one of the real deal EP because you can imagine either one. Whatever makes your heart happy.

Baby, What's Your Name?

You've always been bold for a girl of your generation. Your first kiss was your idea and you haven't been "innocent" for a while now. Not that you are open and available for anyone, you just don't hold back when it comes to falling in love.

The year is 1955 and your friend Margie has begged you to come with her to a concert tonight. You have class the next day, and you take your college studies very seriously, but you figure you can still get home at a decent hour. Apparently, there's a new singer that Margie is gushing over. She's heard from other girls that he's supposed to be "something to see". Margie doesn't have much else going on; school isn't exactly her thing. She'll tell anyone who'll listen that she's only there to find a husband. You roll your eyes at this thought and go back to flipping through your closet for something to wear.

"Y/n, just pick something! We're going to be late!" Margie begs, pouting. You settle on a pink and white gingham sundress, sweeping your hair into a ponytail and tying it with a matching pink ribbon. You barely get your shoes on before Margie drags you out the door of your room on campus.

******

The crowd is almost entirely female. "Who is this guy?" You think to yourself. Oh well, no matter. Hopefully it'll be over soon and you can go home and get in bed. It's already late and it's a warm night for September. Margie is bouncing around next to you in her seat.

"Oh my gosh, I just can't wait until he comes out! Eliza said he's the cutest thing she's ever seen!" You roll your eyes again. You do that a lot around Margie. You didn't pick her to be your roommate; the university did. Still, she's been a decent friend, even if she's a little ditsy and boy crazy.

Finally, the other acts are finished and the announcer comes out to let you know this new artist is coming out.

"Please welcome to the stage Elvis Presley!"

The crowd goes absolutely insane. You start to wonder if maybe you've been studying too much. How could you not know this man that everyone else is so crazy for?

He walks out to the middle of the stage. He's wearing a pink jacket that matches the color of your dress. You're surprised to find that he's much more attractive than you imagined he would be, with his boyish smirk and black hair. You sit up a little straighter in your chair, but a group of girls has gathered in the front standing up, so you can't really see anymore from your seat.

Margie grabs your hand, "Come on! Let's go up there!"

"No, no I'm okay here."

Then he starts to sing. Your heart skips a beat and something deep in your stomach turns over. You stand up without even thinking, trying to see better. Margie takes the opportunity and grabs your hand. You don't fight back as she drags you up to the stage.

When you get close enough to really be able to see him, the thing in your stomach flip flops again. He's moving. And not just, like, tapping his foot. He's moving his legs and his hips in ways you didn't even think was possible... not in public, at least. The thing in your stomach moves deeper in your body to the place between your legs. You are drawn to him like he's got some kind of spell on you. More girls press in behind you, but thanks to Margie, you were up there pretty early and you're only one row back from the stage.

You need him. You need him to notice you and want you too. You start racking your brain for what you can do to get his attention. Every other girl around you is screaming like a fool. That won't work. They're also reaching for him like they might pull him off the stage if he gets close enough. He's moving around the stage quite a bit, but he's very careful never to get too close. If only you had something to throw... but you don't have anything in your hands, no bracelets or anything, and the ribbon from your ponytail isn't heavy enough to make it all the way to the stage. He's singing a slower song now, playing his guitar and looking around the crowd. Somehow, his blue eyes make contact with yours and your heart stops. You become acutely aware of your panties and the place on your body directly under them.

Wait. That's it! That would certainly get his attention. And you could easily get them off with the crowd surrounding you. Also, your full skirt that goes all the way to your knees will keep anyone from really knowing they're missing. You start working them down your thighs and Margie notices you wiggling next to her.

"What are you doing?!"

"Don't worry about it."

Finally, you feel your panties hit your ankles and rest on your shoes. It's nearly impossible with the crowd pressing in around you, but you manage to get them off your feet and into your hand. You take a second to thank the heavens that you were wearing pretty pink ones with lace, and not your laundry day undies. You look up to the stage, assessing how hard to throw them to make it right to where he's standing. After spending years playing baseball with your brothers as a kid, you're pretty confident you can get them there.

You take one last look at him; he's holding the mic at an angle, leaned over it and singing with his whole body. The second he finishes the song and stands up, you use all the strength in your arm and calculations you've just done and throw...

They land perfectly at his feet. You couldn't have possibly done any better if your life depended on it. Margie and the other girls directly around you stop and look at you, trying to figure out what you've thrown on the stage.

"Now, what's this?" He asks, picking your panties up from his feet and holding them up. When he realizes what they are, he blushes deeply.

"Well, that's something I didn't expect." He laughs into the mic and looks out into the audience to try to figure out who has given him such an awkward gift. The other girls are staring at you with their mouths open, so it's not hard for him to figure out. Your blush matches his, though, so he simply nods his head slightly in your direction, puts your panties in his pocket quickly and quietly, and moves on to his next song. The girls go back to screaming and you feel various others in the crowd wiggling like you did just minutes ago. Before he can even finish the song, panties are flying on stage left and right. He starts laughing, "ladies, I'm very flattered, but this is really unnecessary!"

The announcer rushes back out onto the stage, stepping between Elvis and the microphone.

"Thank you, Mr. Presley, for such a lovely show! Now, that's the end of our program for the evening, everyone. Thanks for coming out and be safe on your way home!"

You feel a little guilty for ending his set early with your panty-throwing, but you didn't make all those other girls go crazy. Still, you wish he would stay up there forever, singing and moving his hips. You're not ready for this feeling to go away. Another crazy thought enters your head. Maybe you'll try to get your panties back...

******

It wasn't hard to figure out where he is staying. There's really only one nice motel in town and the cars from his tour caravan are in the parking lot. You managed to convince Margie to go on home, so you're alone. You're a little nervous, walking into the motel office, but your boldness wins out.

"Hi. I need to know which room Mr. Presley is in."

"Yeah, you and every other girl in town."

"Right, but he asked for me. Call him. I just forgot the room number." It's a flimsy lie and you know it. The motel worker picks up the phone and dials "121".

"Never mind, I was lying. You caught me. I had to try though, right?" You chuckle softly as you back out of the office. Once you're outside, you head straight to room 121. When you get there, you have a sudden attack of nerves. It's so late at night and you're about to knock on the door of a man you've never actually met. This is crazy.

You're standing there trying to decide what to do when the door opens and he almost walks straight into you.

"Oh, I'm sorry darlin', I didn't even see you there." You're frozen to the spot, speechless at his closeness to you as he stands in the doorway of his motel room. He explains something about wanting to talk to someone about how to keep the show going, even if the crowd gets rowdy.

"But I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. Why are you here?" His brows knit together in the center of his forehead.

"Me? I'm just... well... I believe you have something of mine." Again, your boldness beats your fear and you walk past him into his room. He looks out the door and around nervously before closing it gently and turning around to face you. The curtains are pulled shut tightly and the glow from the lamps makes everything in the room kind of orange.

"Something of yours? Honey, I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

"Something I threw on the stage." You look him dead in the eyes, hoping he'll recognize you.

"Oh. Oh! It's you!" Thank heavens, he does recognize you. He blushes again, not as deeply this time, but the memory is affecting him.

"I do have something of yours, but I have no intention of giving them back." He smiles playfully and walks across the room to where his jacket is hanging on the back of a chair. He pulls your panties out of his jacket pocket and holds them tightly in his fist.

"The way I see it, you gave me these, fair and square."

"Well, I wasn't really thinking, and it's weird not wearing any..." you realize what you've just told him and his eyes slowly drift to just below your waist before he snaps them back up to meet your eyes again. He swallows hard and you stand there awkwardly, not sure what to say next. You walk across the room to him and reach for your panties. He holds them up high over your head and pouts.

"Do you really want them back?"

You're standing so close to him now that you can feel him breathing. Your heart is in your throat with the sensation of his closeness. You don't want your panties back. You want something else entirely.

"No..." you whisper quietly, trying to signal him that he could kiss you if he wants to, that he should kiss you.

Somehow, he reads your signals correctly and leans in slowly. He moves carefully watching for signs that this isn't what you want, but your upturned face and eyes closed softly are exactly what he's hoping for. When his lips finally touch yours, they're gentle, but soon after he drops your panties on the floor and grabs your face with both hands. His lips part yours and his tongue dips into your mouth hungrily. He moves his hands to your waist and you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a more passionate kiss. You're locked together like this for some time, kissing, before you realize his hands are shaking lightly. He pulls out of the kiss and puts his forehead on yours, breathing heavily.

"You kiss me like this much more, darlin' and I'm not sure I'll be able to stop."

"I don't want you to stop."

He pulls back and looks at you, his mouth hanging open in mild shock. You can't figure out why he's so nervous. You're saying "yes" in every way you know how. He swallows again deeply and blushes a little.

"Aw, now, honey, don't say things you don't mean. I've never..."

Your eyes widen in disbelief. His nervousness is starting to make sense. He's never done this before. He's a virgin.

The realization makes you smile and you giggle a little at the thought. This man, who dances on stage like he does this every other night, has never actually been with a woman.

"Well, it's not that funny." He pouts again.

"No, I'm sorry, it's not funny at all. But if you don't want to do this, tell me now. Because I won't let you if you really don't want to." You smile reassuringly, but your body is aching for him to touch more of you.

"I didn't say I don't want to." He goes in for another deep and passionate kiss, his tongue moving in ways you'd never imagined. All you can think about is his tongue touching you in other places and that warm spot between your legs gets even warmer. He picks you up by the waist, lifting your feet off the floor just enough to carry you to the bed. Laying you gently on the bed, he stops for a second and looks at you laying there in your pink gingham dress. You prop yourself up on your elbows and kick off your shoes.

"What?"

"Nothing... I just... pink is my favorite color." He mumbles before laying on the bed next to you. You're both laying on your sides facing each other and he begins to undress you carefully, first untying the ribbon in your hair. Then he slides his hand down your back to unzip your dress. The zipper ends where your panties should be, but aren't, and as his fingers brush your skin, you tingle all over. His hand travels back up to the latch of your bra. He fumbles with it for a bit, his fingers trembling, before he finally gets it unclasped. You become keenly aware that all he has to do is slide your dress forward and down and you'll be completely naked. You can see by the bulge in his pants that he's had this thought too. You put your hand up to his face, cupping his cheek.

"You're sure this is what you want?"

"Honey, I've never been more sure of anything in my life." He pulls your dress and bra forward and off of you, standing up to drop it on the floor with your shoes. Now you can really see his hardness pushing against his pants. He takes his shirt off and you sit up to unbutton his pants, letting them drop to the floor next to the pile of your clothes.

Now you're both naked. You touch him gently and he sighs and looks up at the ceiling. After a few seconds of this, he almost can't stand it anymore, so he lays you down on the bed, crawling on top of you, still trembling, but obviously gaining confidence. He presses his lips to yours again and you rub your tongue along his bottom lip before he opens his mouth into a deeper kiss. His hand moves down your body, stopping to caress your breast and run his thumb over your nipple. His hand shakes less and less as he moves further down your torso to your hip. He rolls to the side a little and walks his fingers over to the place between your legs. You open them just enough for him to slip a finger inside you. You let out a small moan against his mouth as he moves his finger in and out and in again. You stop kissing him and look into his eyes, reaching down to his hand. Gently, you guide his thumb to the spot that makes your stomach turn over and your heart beat faster.

"Here. Do circles." He listens eagerly and does exactly as you tell him. He feels the knot harden as he massages it, so he keeps up a consistent rhythm. You lose the ability to give him further instruction-- he doesn't need it anyway-- as the pleasure builds up between your legs. You can feel yourself approaching your climax and prepare yourself for the fireworks. He's watching you so closely, taking cues from your body about what to do next. He puts his finger back in you, doing a tickling motion with his fingertip against your insides. You might burst with all the electricity flowing through your body.

"Oh! Yes! Fuck!" You cry out as the ecstatic release washes over you and you begin to pulse around his finger. He smiles widely, amused by your cussing and pleased with his ability to give you an orgasm on his first try. You're not exactly sure how he managed it, but you really don't care. You're still riding your body high. He moves his hand back to your hip and you feel your wetness on his fingers. He's kissing you again, grinding his hardness against your thigh. Despite your release, you're ready for more of him inside you. You reach down again, wrapping your hand around him softly and moving his hips to line up with yours. You put his tip against yourself and pull back from his kiss.

"Last chance to back out." He smiles and looks directly into your eyes. Then, he pushes forward with his hips, just like he did on stage, filling you entirely. The sensation almost overwhelms him and he sets his forehead on your shoulder.

"Oh fuck, baby." Now it's your turn to smile at him for cussing.

"It actually gets better." He lifts his head off your shoulder to look into your eyes and there's an excitement in his that almost makes you laugh out loud. Instead, you plant a kiss on his lips and wrap your legs around his waist. He starts to pump in and out rhythmically. You're not surprised that he's good at this part. You've seen him move on stage. Still, you know he probably won't last too long, since it's his first time, and there's more you want to show him. You release him from your legs and push him off of you and onto his back.

"Oh no baby what...?" With one leg on either side of his hips, you lower yourself onto him. He nearly loses his mind as the change in angle changes the sensation. He moans deeply and grabs your hips, guiding your movement as you ride him. His pleasure is building up and you know he's close as you slide up and down. You move faster and faster, pushing him toward his climax.

"Oh fuck, shit, fuck baby!" He yells as you feel him shudder underneath you and fill you with his warmth. He moans loudly as you move up and down a few more times to really push him over the edge. With him still inside you, you lean forward and lay on his chest. He wraps his arms around you.

"Wow, honey, that was... wow." You smile against his chest, satisfied with your work. After a good amount of time in this position, you move off of him and lay down next to him on your back. He props himself up on his elbow and turns to face you.

"How soon can we do it again?" You chuckle at his eagerness as you realize you won't be making it back to your room tonight. Suddenly, his eyebrows come together on his forehead in worry and you rearrange yourself to look him in the face, mildly concerned at his expression. You brace yourself for some kind of confession. Instead, he smiles and innocently asks:

"Baby... what's your name?"

You erupt in peals of laughter, wrapping your arms around him and rolling over on top of him. You think of the panties on the floor of his motel room, so glad that Margie dragged you to the concert tonight. This might be the beginning of something wonderful.

"My name is..."

[bqstqnbruin]

See You Again

I'm actually posting a fic for the first time in seven months aka the first fic I've finished in seven months peace love teaching

anyway, I wrote this for the lovely @wyattjohnston's summer fic exchange! I got to write for @selfindulgentpoorlywritten but I've never written for Nico before, so I hope you like this (I was fully inspired by my own mess of a life)

Edit since I’m a dumbass thank you to @kat-hearts for reading this first and being amazing ily 😭

One of the characters, Nat is nonbinary, and I did my best to make the reader gender netural, which I haven't done before on either account, so I hope I did it justice (if something is glaringly wrong, please let me know!)

Warnings: I was mean with the ending? A little? Also, some swearing, drinking, almost physical fighting

Word Count: almost 2.8k

_______________________________________

“When was the last time you saw him?”

You tried to shift through your memory to figure that out. In person, the last time was sometime in the first week of December about two years ago. Thinking about him, which thankfully didn’t count, would involve you giving a much more recent answer, way more recent than you would really like to admit. “I don’t remember.” 

“Well,” your roommate Nat says, looking down at their phone. “I have bad news.”

“Fucking hell,” you moan, tilting your head to hit the back of the seat of the Uber. You knew what they were going to say before the words even started to come out of their mouth.

“Nico is going to be there tonight. With all the guys.” You let out another groan, the Uber driver giving you a scowl through the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry! Jack didn’t know he was coming, or he would have told us way before we got ready.” 

You stare out the window, trying to think of all the ways that you could get out of this situation. You already paid for the Uber and didn’t want to pay for another one. You weren’t about to go somewhere by yourself, especially since the bar you were heading towards wasn’t within a reasonable walking distance if you were to go somewhere by yourself, and no way was Nat going to leave with you without Jack, and Jack, of course, wasn't going to leave without his teammates. 

“We can go back right now and I’ll tell Jack to have fun with his team instead,” Nat tells you as if they could read your mind. They put their hand over yours, trying to give you any sense of calm that was setting into your panic. “We do not have to be around Nico.” 

“What kind of person tells someone they like them but not enough to date them?” you mutter, knowing you and Nat have had this conversation many times on your kitchen floor, drunk and crying together at 2 in the morning. They had introduced you to Nico one night after a game when the team went out to celebrate. They had been dating Jack for about a year at that point, meeting him through his brother at Michigan and reconnecting when they both realized they were going to be in New Jersey together. Quinn had used the reasoning of, “he won’t know anyone in the state,” only for everyone to realize later that he knew Jack had been smitten with Nat since they met. If only you had been so lucky. 

You had known of Nico, obviously. How could you not? He was the captain of the Devils, the team you grew up surrounded by, the number one draft pick in the sport your roommate never shut up about. He covered your social media feeds without you really wanting them to and everyone you knew talked about what a great game he had the night before. You couldn’t escape the idea of him, no matter where you went. 

When you met him that night a few years back, there was something about him in person that you were drawn to. He had been just an idea to you, not someone you could think about as being real. You spent that entire night with him, your friends either wandering off or you too enthralled with Nico to notice that they were there. Nat and Jack were heading back to your place before last call, and you were left knowing that you had to see Nico again.  

He asked if he could kiss you, making you melt as his hand gently snaked its way to your cheek, pulling you close when you said yes and covering your mouth with his. You waited for his text the next day, anxiously checking your phone until he finally did after 3 pm. From then on, you told each other everything, texting each other whenever you could, him calling you and heading over to your apartment whenever he didn’t have an obligation to the team. You fell hard for him and you had believed that he felt the same about you. 

“The kind of person who doesn’t know what they have until it’s gone,” Nat tells you, trying to pep you up. “Hey, we can find you a guy that is just as hot as Nico tonight.” 

“I’m gonna move to Ireland and isolate myself with the spuds.”

“Act like you can be away from me for that long,” they tease, earning a laugh from you. “I’m serious, though. Tell me what you want to do, or who you want to do, and Jack and I will make it happen.”

You didn’t want someone just as hot as Nico, you wanted Nico. You hated the fact that there was more than one time that you had pulled up his messages on your phone, part of you unable to delete that conversation thread even though you knew it would be the healthy thing to do. But you weren’t known amongst your friends for doing what was best for your mental wellbeing, so you kept them, going back through the conversations you had in the four months you were seeing him. The last text was what haunted you the most, him telling you that he was going to be back in Switzerland for the summer and that he ‘didn’t want you tied down to one person’ while he was gone.

He said he would text you when he was back. 

He never did. 

There were multiple times when you wanted to text him, but you never did, either. 

“Yeah,” you manage to choke out. “Let’s do it.” 

You spend the rest of the ride in silence, trying to think of where in the bar you would be able to hide from Nico so that he wouldn’t see you. The guys were already inside, Jack telling Nat about 10 minutes ago that they went to start drinking as fast as they could. 

The bar was somehow muggy inside, as if the beer itself hung in the air rather than the sweat of the nearly one hundred drunk people that were crowding every square inch of the floor. Jack was easy to spot for Nat, his five foot eleven frame not the largest of his teammates, but still distinct enough that your roommate had left your side within seconds of entering to be with their partner. 

So much for finding you someone tonight. 

You tried to stay away from him, closer to Nat and Jack as best as you could, but they kept wandering off from you. The last thing you wanted to do was go with them when they were both on their way to drunk and have a history of doing slightly illegal things in the bathrooms at bars. 

You had to find someone to talk to. Any person who looked interesting. Any other guy on the team who you were friends with, but that was really only Jack, and that was really only because he’s dating Nat. Your phone was your only comfort, finding a table that had been pushed up against the wall and hoping that there was something you could doom scroll on that would distract you from looking towards Nico. 

He had the right to do what he wanted at the bar with his teammates. You weren’t together. 

“You ok?” you hear during a lull in the music, pulling you away from your phone for a moment. You didn’t know who was standing in front of you, one of the newer guys from the trade deadline that Nat definitely hadn’t introduced you to. He was waiting for you to respond, looking like he had wanted to sit down with you.

“Yeah, just, not a big ‘going out’ person.”

He lets out a nervous laugh, a smile that sends a jolt through your system that you hadn’t felt in a while. Since Nico, if you were really willing to be honest with yourself. “Me neither, honestly. I’m just here because I didn’t have anything else to do.” 

“I got dragged here with my roommate so they can be with their boyfriend,” you tell him, gesturing to Nat and Jack trying their best to sneak out of the bathroom, Jack’s shirt buttoned wrong, both of their previously neatly styled hair in a mess that you only saw after hearing them the night before. 

“So that’s the infamous Nat,” he says, taking the seat beside you. You nod as he continues, “Jack never shuts up about them. Not that Jack shuts up about anything or anyone, ever, but especially not Nat.” 

“I always knew he was a good one,” you tell him, introducing yourself so he knew you as more than just, ‘his teammate's partner’s roommate.’

“I’m Timo.” 

You spent the rest of the night bouncing between the table and the bar with Timo, him buying you every drink you wanted. There was something about him that was different, but you couldn’t focus all of your attention on him. 

He was talking about his time in San Jose while you were waiting for your next round of drinks. You couldn’t focus on a word he was saying, Nico within your line of sight talking to a girl. A really attractive girl, you might add. You felt your heart drop, feeling a lump in your throat forming faster than you could lie to yourself about that scene having no effect on you. Naturally, Nico would talk to other people. You hadn’t talked to him in two years, let alone seen him in person. Just because you couldn’t get over him, no matter how hard you tried, that didn’t mean he didn’t get over you.

“And then I got traded here, and I love it, so far,” you tune back into Timo, who is suddenly much closer than you remember. It’s just because the bar is loud, people are starting to crowd for drinks, and, fuck, you have to admit, he’s pretty hot. 

Nico was still watching. 

Timo took your hand, leading you off to the table where you were before, the drinks in your hand probably not ones that you needed to begin with. His free hand snaked its way to your waist, pulling you close to him. You could feel your heart racing faster with every inch he got closer to you. You wanted him to kiss you. 

You thought you did. 

“I’m sorry,” you pull away right as his lips were about to meet yours, tears starting to form in your eyes, leaving the drink he bought you in his hands as you ran from him. Your breath catches in your throat while you try to find Nat and Jack, just praying that they weren’t back in the bathroom or too intoxicated in general to help out. 

You heard Timo calling after you, somehow, through the volume of the music and your own drunkenness, breaking through and getting to you. You didn’t want Timo calling your name, you wanted it to be Nico. 

You needed it to be Nico. 

“Hey, hey,” you hear, feeling a familiar hand gently place itself on your arm. You turn around, Nico’s face a mixture of concern and fury. “What did he do?” 

“He, he,” you stammer, the tears falling faster the more you looked at him, every memory you had with him suddenly rushing back into your mind. “He didn’t do anything. You did.”

You yank your arm from him, trying to find anywhere to be in the building that didn’t have one of Nico’s teammates looking at you causing a scene. You knew he was following you, calling your name again and again over the music. People were starting to stare, but no part of you cared, trying harder to not let the tears that were burning your eyes fall down your cheeks. 

Nat and Jack were nowhere to be seen, the rest of Nico’s teammates trying to figure out what was going on when you burst through the front door of the bar, the cold fall air hitting your face as soon as you did. You let out a sob, trying to steady yourself against the wall of the building, sliding down to the ground while people waiting to get in tried to figure out if they should help you or if you were just another drunk person having some sort of meltdown that was none of their business. 

“Hey,” you hear, a soft voice coming from above you. “I’m so sorry if I did something wrong.” Timo slid down next to you. “I read the situation wrong, I thought you were also into me.”

“I am, I just,” you start, trying to think of what to say. 

“Hey, what the fuck did you do?” Nico yells, pulling Timo off the ground. “What did he do to make you cry?”

“Nico, stop,” you let out, Timo looking both confused and terrified by his new captain’s hand on his shirt collar. “He didn’t do anything.”

“What the fuck did I miss?” Timo asked, slowly trying to back away from Nico staring you down. 

“Why can you talk to other people and I can’t?” you ask him, feeling your sadness turn into anger. “You had no issue not talking to me for the last two years.” 

“I’m gonna go,” Timo lets out, barely loud enough for the two of you to hear and sneaking away before you could notice. 

“You didn’t want to talk to me,” Nico counters, taking a step towards you. “But you wanted to talk to TImo instead?”

“Where the fuck did you get that idea?” 

“You never texted me. You’ve spent the entire night avoiding me. You think I didn’t see you when you were by yourself on your phone?” 

“You were in Sweden. And you could have come up to me and talked to me, what was stopping you? Oh, that’s right, your new girlfriend.”

“Switzerland. And she’s not my girlfriend. I haven’t seen anyone in ages.”

“Wherever you were, you weren’t here,” you tell him, your back against the wall. How long had it been since he had last seen someone? There was no way you had been the last person he was with. “You told me you didn’t want to be tied down while you were back home. You didn’t even want to talk to me, because if you did, you would have.” 

“You’re joking,” he scoffs. “You think I didn’t want to talk to you? Every fucking day I have thought about how our conversations would go when I saw you after you get home from work. I would think about you telling me about your day, about everything you would tell Nat, or whoever you were seeing at the time. Every single person I saw in the last two years, I wanted them to be you.” 

You didn’t know what to say, letting Nico’s words sink in. “Then why didn’t you text me when you came back from Switzerland?” 

Nico took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and tilting his head up to the sky. “Because I thought there was no way someone else wouldn’t have realized how amazing you are. There was no way I could be someone who you thought was worth waiting for.” 

Nico takes a step towards you, his hand gently taking yours. This was a moment you had been thinking about since he left for Switzerland two years ago. You knew he was going to kiss you, having you pinned against the wall of the building. His free hand cupped your cheek.

“There you guys are!” Nat interrupts, them and Jack clearly having just finished up doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Nico steps away from you, clearing his throat, the red in his cheeks so noticeable there was no way even your roommate wouldn’t comment on it later.  “We’ve been looking for you, for um.”

“Long enough,” Jack finishes their sentence, a stupid smile covering his face. You knew he was lying, but no part of your brain was letting you focus on that. Nico leaned against the building, his arm up over your head. “The uber’s almost here. Are you ready to go?”

No. “Yes.” 

The three of you leave Nico standing there by himself, Nat and Jack falling asleep in the Uber as soon as it gets on the highway. 

You check your phone for the first time in a while, a lone notification popping up on your phone that hadn’t been there in almost two years. 

‘Nico, iMessage.’ 

[lightupthemoon]

I could get used to this

Summary: You never really described what you had but you knew she was more than just your best friend, just not technically your girlfriend either. Kate Bishop belonged to the city of New York, to her compromise to protect innocent lives and become the greatest Hawkeye the world had ever seen. Obviously, defining what you had wasn’t an urgent matter. It could wait.

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Reader

Warnings: None, this is just fluff.

Word Count: 1.3 K

Read on AO3

Author's Note: Look! It's a Christmas miracle, I am back! I have gotten your requests, and messages and I'm sorry I haven't done much but the writer's block continues to be so real. I will get to all of them soon, I promise. Nevertheless, I tried my best for my bestie @ittynyte's birthday and wrote this little thing for her. Love you, KT! I hope you guys like it!

You never intended to fall in love with Kate Bishop. It was just simply the easiest thing you ever did, as natural as filling your lungs with fresh air. From the moment you met, you always felt drawn to her, overwhelmed by her essence but unable to ever get enough of her. Her energetic personality kept you on your toes, and her charm and innate ability to make everything seem okay made it incredibly difficult to ever stay mad at her if she got herself into trouble, which happened much more often than you’d like. You weren’t sure of many things but, at least, you were sure of Kate Bishop. 

You, however, were never completely certain of where you stood with her. You had known once, for years. You were just friends, and you never dreamed of crossing that line with her. You were happy with what you had but things between the two of you had evolved. 

It happened shortly after Christmas. Kate showed up at your door, high on adrenaline, rambling on about whatever new dangerous situation she had gotten herself into and the next thing you knew, she had her lips pressed to yours in a way nobody had ever kissed you before. You didn't even have time to react. You blinked, and Kate was five feet away, sputtering apologies that went along the lines of "just being excited and never going to do it again", almost walking out of the door in her panic. Next thing you knew, you were running after her down the hall and bringing her back in. 

It all changed from that point forward. You never really described what you had but you knew she was more than just your best friend, just not technically your girlfriend either. Kate Bishop belonged to the city of New York, to her compromise to protect innocent lives and become the greatest Hawkeye the world had ever seen. You knew she was still mourning her losses, adapting to the new life her mother's absence had brought her. Obviously, defining what you had wasn’t an urgent matter. It could wait. You were more than willing to take what she gave you and allow her to take what she needed despite the annoying voice in your head trying to convince you Kate was only latching onto you because you were the last thread of normalcy and consistency in her life. You were determined to enjoy your time with her for as long as you could. 

You were brushing your teeth to go to bed when you heard the front door open and close. You spat out the remnants of your toothpaste, the crackling of the hardwood floors your only indication that the intruder was coming your way. You tapped on your phone, bold numbers marking 12:35 AM staring back at you. 

"I thought you were on patrol tonight," You said as the intruder came into view. 

"Change of plans," Kate responded leaning on the door frame and crossing her arms over her chest. "Clint says I need to take a break." 

"I agree," You said, rinsing your toothbrush. "You haven't stopped in a while." 

Kate sighed, extending one of her hands towards you. You took it, and she pulled you closer, lazily wrapping her arms around you. Your hands found her cheeks, your thumbs lightly brushing over the newest scrapes on her face. 

"I think about my mom when I stop," Kate confessed in a whisper. "I kinda miss her." 

"You could go see her, you know," You said, dropping your hands to her shoulders. "I could go with you." 

"No, I'm not ready yet." Kate shook her head. "And that's not why I'm here, anyway." Her hands landed on your hips, pulling your body towards her. "I missed you." 

"I missed y–" 

You were interrupted mid-sentence by Kate's lips on your own. Your arms circled her neck, and her mouth parted open, taking on your bottom lip. A soft whimper escaped you, the grip on your hips tightening. As it would happen every time Kate showed up at your door like this, your world simply stopped. You were trapped in time, at that moment, in an eternity that encapsulated your very being with hers. Kate deepened the kiss, her movements slow and unhurried, gentle in a way it filled your heart. You soaked in her essence, responding to her silky kisses in steady breaths, treasuring every single moment you got to feel her be yours, however momentary. 

The kiss died down naturally, Kate’s forehead resting against yours while her breathing returned to normal. Soft sapphire eyes stared at you intensely, bringing one of her hands up and tracing the ball of your bare shoulder with her fingertips. The brunette didn’t even move an inch, as if the lack of proximity would kill her if she did. 

“Hi,” Kate whispered, the back of her thumb stroking your cheek. 

You giggled. "Hi." 

"I missed you." 

"You said that before." 

"Yeah, but I really did," Kate shrugged. "I'm out there fighting bad guys while you're here looking so…" she trailed off with a huff, drawing a small smile on your lips. 

"So what?" 

"Comfy," Kate scrunched up her nose, leaving a soft peck on your cheek. "Warm. I wish that were me right now, to be honest." 

You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly, shaking your head. "Come on, let's fix that then." 

You intertwined your fingers as you led her back into the bedroom for her to get changed. You attentively listened to her every story, random tales from her adventures you had heard a million times, but you relished in the excitement and the happiness behind every single one of her words. It was moments like that one that made you feel like it would be worth it to get your heart broken if this wasn't as real to her as it was to you.  

When she finally laid her head on the pillow next to you, those three traitorous words you had avoided for so long to say wanted to come out of your throat at the sight of her. It took all of your willpower not to say it. It wasn't time yet. Instead, you settled with letting your fingers linger on her back, tracing her spine, watching her melt under your touch. 

"I wish I could stay here with you all the time," Kate said, her voice barely a whisper. "This is so nice." 

You smiled. "Now that would be impractical. When would we eat? Or go to the bathroom?" 

Kate chuckled, shifting her position enough to look at you. "You know what I mean." 

"I do and you do always know where to find me, Kate. I'm always here for you, you know. You're kinda stuck with me." 

The blue in Kate's eyes sparkled like the starriest of nights as she looked at you, something inevitably shifting in the air. You held her gaze, unconsciously holding your breath as you did. 

"You promise?" Her voice was barely a whisper. It was small, and fragile as if she was scared of the answer. And maybe she was, you couldn't tell. You only knew you'd do anything for her. "'Cause I can't do this without you, Y/N, I really can't. You're my rock." 

Your hand moved from her back to push a loose strand of black hair out of her face. "You won't ever have to. I'm here to stay." 

Kate smiled, satisfied with your answer. She leaned in, pressing another kiss to your lips before returning to her previous position in your arms, her face now safely tucked in the crook of your neck. Silence took over the room, warmth, and comfort taking you in its soft embrace. The last thing you heard before you succumbed to slumber was a faint I love you that lingered in the air. 

You never felt more at peace.

TAGLIST: TAGLIST: @sunshadesnrainbowz @imlike-so-gaydude @hopingforromanoff @ittynyte @girlssnrosess @musicinourlips @youralphawolf72 @assgardangod

[dreamingcloudie]

❛❛ 15 Years of Un-Convayed Words ❜❜

✎ ❛❛ I wonder when will I finally receive a reply from you... ❜❜

Pairing(s): Dottore x GN!reader

Genre/Format: Angst (Letters)

Warning(s): 3.2 archon quest SPOLIERS, mention of death, use of Dottore's (speculated) real name and lore, may not be lore accurate so don't come at me, poorly written poems (my excuse here is I'm writing as Dottore)

wc: ~1.8k

Notes: I got the idea from this song. I was contemplating if I should write angst with no comfort and I said eff it. Well, please enjoy this one! Any feedback is greatly appreciated ♡

1st year

Dear (Y/n),

Hello, Love. How are you doing? I’ve missed you so much so I decided to start writing you letters everyday. You’re the person of literature here, not me. So don’t laugh at my letters, okay? For my first letter to you. I’ve made up a poem.

Like a moon to its star,

I revolve only around you.

Though you may be far,

My love for you only grew.

Ha, not too bad for my first poem, right? Alright, maybe it is… But hey, at least I tried. You gotta give me at least some credits there. I know it’s short but I have to go back to studying now. I’ll write you another one later. I love you.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

2nd year

Dear (Y/n),

Greetings, Love. I wonder what’s on your mind right now? For me, it’s you. I always get distracted whenever you’re on my mind. Just today, I got so distracted I didn’t even notice my experiment was overflowing with explosive liquids. It wasn’t until I heard an explosion that I noticed the place had become a mess. Heh, you’d laugh if you saw this. Since I'm always thinking of you, here's another poem I wrote for you.

Are you a type of alcohol?

Addicted to you,

I began to fall.

Or are you perhaps a glue?

So drawn to you,

I haven't gotten a clue.

Or are you a cloud of mist?

Trapped in your fog of love,

I am abliss.

What do you think? Better than the last one maybe? Anyways, how are you fairing, my dear? I hope you’re doing well.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

3rd year

Dear (Y/n),

You’d be proud if you saw me now. As I grew older, I’ve also gotten more mature. I started to balance my work and rest like you always wanted me to. And you’re right, it does make things easier for me. I'm sorry for not listening to you earlier. That reminds me, I miss eating your cookies. Hopefully I’ll get to have them again one day. Has anything new happened to you, recently?

Your only love,

Zandik ♡

4th year

Dear (Y/n),

Got something exciting to share with you, my love. I went on an expedition with some other researchers today. It was a pretty nice trip, I’d say. There were a lot of things for me to tinker with. Especially some abandoned automatons. I wanted to bring some with me back to the academia but they banned it because of some fool. Pretty idiotic, right? These mechanical parts are too good to be left there. And no one even uses them anymore. Maybe if I sneaked only a small portion of them to The Academia, no one would notice… What do you think, (Y/n)?

Your only love,

Zandik ♡

5th year

Dear (Y/n),

Bad news, I got kicked out of The Academia today. I got careless and accidentally left a mechanical part at the lab. Someone also discovered that I did some… not so pleasant things. Such foolish sages. I was making some groundbreaking discoveries, and in return I got expelled? I have nowhere to go now. If only you were here to guide me… What do I do now?

Your favourite,

Zandik ♡

6th year

Dear (Y/n),

Don’t worry, my dear. I managed to find shelter in a cave. I finally got some time to sit and write a letter to you. I’m sorry I haven’t written to you in weeks. I was busy setting things up in the cave. Although, still not quite a home, it looks a lot cozier now. Trying to survive out here in the wild is hard. I only managed to find some berries and caught a fish or two to sustain myself.

Anyways, I was conducting some more experiments with the equipment that I could salvage when all of the sudden a guy with a strange mask somehow found me. He said he was a diplomat from Snezhnaya. Apparently, they have an organization called the “Fatui” and asked me to join them. I was skeptical at first but then he said there was a research facility full of experimenting supplies. Now, that got me perked up. I’ve got nothing to lose. So might as well, right?

Your favourite,

Zandik ♡

7th year

Dear (Y/n),

This place is massive. You’ve got to see what they have here, Love. So many things to work with. And to think I got this place all to myself? And I get to create anything with no restrictions? Hah! The possibilities are endless! And by joining them I got myself the title – Dottore, The Doctor. You’ve always said I have what it takes to become a doctor. Even if I’m not a licensed one. I suppose this counts too?

Anyways, I made a tiny model of you out of the remains of a ruin guard to remind myself of you. How I missed seeing you. No matter how many models I make, they’ll never be worthy enough to match your beauty. Tell me, Love. Got anything new to share? I’d love to hear from you.

Your favourite,

Zandik ♡

8th year

Dear (Y/n),

It’s been a while since I’ve stayed here. Things have been going pretty well. Ah, and with how many letters I’ve written to you. I found myself to have improved a bit. Here’s a little poem I thought of while doing some research on a flower. It reminded me of you.

Like a white lily,

You have the purest of heart.

Like a white lily,

You are a work of art.

Like a white lily,

Your beauty is true.

Like a white lily,

You have captured my CO2 .

(Get it, Dear? It’s like you took my breath away, and plants absorb carbon dioxide to carry out photosynthesis.)

I could hear you laughing all the way over here, you know? Not the best, I know. But I tried. Writing poems is never my forte. I’ll never know how you could write them ever so flawlessly.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

9th year

Dear My Love,

Hello, Love. My apologies for not having written anything to you for a while. I was conducting my experiments as usual but an accident happened. Do not worry, Love. I’m perfectly fine. Though, it might have affected my memories as they have gotten a bit blurry… Unfortunately, I seemed to have forgotten your name, as well. But do not fret, my love for you is still the same. I’ll remember your name, eventually.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

10th year

Dear Dove,

Dove… is a pretty suiting name to call you. Do you like it? My memories still haven’t come back yet… It’s been a year. I did not expect it to last this long. Still, what’s important is that I know my heart belongs to you. Whenever I think of writing letters to you, my heart starts to beat so loudly. It is a nice feeling. Have you been eating well? Got enough rest? I wouldn’t want you to be sick now.

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

11th year

Dear Dove,

Time flies and another year has passed. Still no progress on recalling your name yet. I’m starting to worry. What if I never remember who you are? I can’t let that happen… Well, there’s no use in worrying. How about I tell you what happened today, instead? I created a machine, in which I could clone myself with. It’s a project I’ve been working on for a long time now. And it was a success. I think you’d find it amusing that there are two of me. Would it be a blessing, or a curse for you?

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

12th year

Dear (Y/n),

Finally, I remembered your name! I was working when I heard one of my clones (the me from the academia days) muttered something about “(Y/n) bakes the best cookies.” And that hit me, your name is (Y/n). What a beautiful name it is. It rolled off of my tongue just as smooth as Teyvat’s finest silk. I still haven’t remembered everything yet. But that’s alright. They’ll come back to me in no time.

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

13th year

Dear (Y/n),

I recalled something today. Remember the time when we first met? Haha, the first time I’ve ever laid my eyes on you. I was convinced that I saw an angel. And when you turned to look at me. I could feel something happening to my stomach. I thought you’ve put some kind of spell on me. But that’s just me falling for you without me knowing for the first time. Winter is right around the corner. Remember to wear enough clothes, alright?

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

14th year

Dear (Y/n),

Today was not a great day. I’ve put in countless amounts of time and plenty of blood and sweat into building a new god for Sumeru. Only for it to get destroyed in just one day. How absurd… But nevermind that. I took joy in building it and I got what I came here for. If only you were here, Dear. I know you’d work your magic on me to make me feel better.

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

15th year

Dear (Y/n),

I remember everything now… The illness… And how it took you away from me… The moment I remembered it, I felt light-headed. I felt as if a part of me was ripped out. So that’s why I never received any reply from you. Was all these years of writing wasted? No… No… You’ll still get to read them. If I have the power to create a god, then certainly, I also have the power to find a way for you to see these letters? Or maybe you’ve been watching me write these for you? Perhaps one day, I’ll find a way for these words to reach you, eventually. Until then, prepare yourself, Love. You’re going to need fifteen years to read them all. Well, maybe even more because I’m not going to stop writing to you.

Say, it's been a while since I've last written a poem to you. How about I write another one for you?

Lost in a raging storm,

I longed to feel something warm.

Lost in the heavy rain,

I longed to hear you again.

Lost in an ocean of coldness,

I longed to see a glimpse of us.

Sent from the sky above,

There you stood so full of love.

With you here around,

At last, I am found.

I love you (Y/n), no matter where you are. I love you. I always have.

Your forever love,

Zandik ♡

.

.

.

Dottore kissed the envelope as he muttered the words "I missed you so, so much, (Y/n)." Before he put it into a bin filled with piles of letters.

[zcorners120]

shut up, and get in.

arthur leclerc x fem!reader

synopsis; you and arthur hate each other, you hating his obsession with his pristine car, and him hating your arrogance. but when he sees you in need, he gets over his ego.

warnings; none, fluff

MASTER LIST

You worked as a mechanic at the Ferrari driver's academy, and having the biggest displeasure and unfortune to be working directly with Arthur Leclerc.

Being a female mechanic and being more.. feminine, you were constantly put down, underestimated and undervalued. Therefore building a hard exterior and persona around yourself, as a coping mechanism, to defend yourself.

Your first encounter with the eminent Charles Leclerc's famed younger brother, was disillusioning. You were previously pissed off with some other mechanics making inappropriate comments towards you, along with some inappropriate touching.

Your anger was bubbling up, where Arthur had shoved past you, and your tolerance had way boiled over.

"Watch it, asshole." You spoke up from behind him, to be met with his face turning around.

"Me, the asshole? That's pretty bold." His thick French accent had announced, eyebrows drawn showing that he doesn't think anything's wrong.

"Bold huh? Well I'm working on your car this afternoon, so I'd keep quiet." You retort, threatening him slightly.

"Ridiculous." He fires back, walking way, ever-so-smug.

You huff, knowing that this is going to be one of many fights you'll have to stand for.

You'd always watch him walking in the academy in the mornings, carefully parking his slick, black BMW, with not a speck of dirt, dust or grime on it. He treated the car as his own child, and didn't let a single person touch it, nor ride in it.

It ticked you off even more, as it really showed you his priorities in today's world.

On this particular morning, you'd driven your car into work like usual. Putting your stuff into your locker, you realised that you'd left your lunch in the car.

You were walking across the gravel road, dust kicking off the back of your old Chuck Taylor's, but slowing down seeing Arthur ride into the lot. Ignoring his car, you walked up to your Audi R8, one of your prized possessions. But not in a weird way like Arthur.

Opening up the door, you heard a strange hissing sound coming your feet, but the sound was beaten out by Arthur unfortunately parking next to you.

"Don't touch-" He starts,

"Your car, got it Sherlock" You cut in, hearing the phrase a million times. "Morning to you too." You continue, hearing the hissing again.

He starts to move around you, shutting the door.

"Don't move!" You mutter out loudly, feeling his eyebrows raise in judgement already.

"Holy shit." He exclaims, walking past to you and to the side of your back tire, pulling out a huge kitchen knife with a note stabbed into it.

Your eyes widen, pulling the note off and reading it.

"I wouldn't-" Arthur warns, trying to snatch the note back, but failing from your reflexes.

The note reads;

Woman such as yourself don't belong in a mans playhouse, the garage. A pretty face like yours should stay in the kitchen and only be used for pleasure, we gave you a knife to get started. :)

You drop the note, not being able to look into Arthur's eyes, feeling absolutely humiliated in front of him, giving him another reason to think of you as pathetic.

You just knew it was him and the other mechanics playing a cruel, and twisted prank on you, and you couldn't take it.

"Hope you feel happy with yourself, just for 5 minutes of approval from a bunch of guys who haven't felt the touch of a woman for many years." You spat out, barely being able to handle the tears flooding in your eyes.

You walked away, not looking at his reaction as you go straight into the women's toilets, sick and tired of the lack of respect and common decency that you never receive. You were a fighter, and you held out. You didn't let such comments ever get to you, and knew your perseverance would only lead you to bigger places in life.

As you sat on the counter of the sinks, looking down at your phone, you had zero idea of what was going on outside.

Arthur saw your face screw up in anger, betrayal and disappointment. He was absolutely furious, livid in fact. Knowing that some sexist fuck in there, fucked with his girl.

Hearing you blame him for it only made him even angrier, at them and at himself. He felt ashamed for how he acted, but in reality he didn't know why he acted like that himself.

He doesn't like you, he hates you, but then why is he so angry? Why did he care so much? All of these mixed feelings and emotions were hitting him all at once, and when he saw you walk away, he turned vengeful.

Walking into the academy not that long after you, holding the note balled up in his hand, and the knife in the other, he spotted the main culprit.

Tapping his shoulder, the guy turned his overweight body towards Arthur, his messy, unkept stubble and beer on his breath was overpowering. Arthur punched him straight in the nose, seeing red. He backed the guy against the wall, holding the knife up to him.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, pulling shit like this, at my girl?" He spat out, feeling people trying to grab him back and off the guy, but he held his ground.

He shook the hands off him and eyed all the other mechanics, probably following the ideals and mimicking the fat guy's thoughts.

"Any of you, pull this shit again and you'll be sorry." He warned, a look that could kill painted on Arthur's face as he watched the other mechanics look down in shame, and fear.

He stormed away, going away to fake a smile and do some promotional-media shit.

You come back out, watching everyone eerily silent and working intently. You didn't want to cause a scene and make this bigger than it has to be, so you went into the reporter's office to finish some overdue paperwork.

It was 7:30, everyone had left by then, as you click the black pen and put aside the mound of paper you were working on. Pushing yourself off the black leather sofa, you push the oak door open, and see through the windows that it's pouring outside.

What a great way to end your horrific day, thanks Zeus, for adorning the day with a rainy showers.

Knowing you can't take your car home, you sling your bag onto your shoulder, and walk out into the rain. You walk out of the gates and down the road, watching as your clothes get darker from the rain.

You hear the roar of an engine behind you, slowing down next to you. You turn to the window, to be met with Arthur's face, pulling the window down from his seat.

"Get in." He states, staring at your current damp situation.

"Now, that's humour. Get in your car? You've made my week." You joke sarcastically, knowing he'd never let you in his car, especially wet. You carry on walking, but notice the car is also slowly moving forward with you.

You halt to a stop, he also stops.

"I'm not kidding, Y/N. Get in, you're freezing." He carries on, getting annoyed at your reluctance.

"I'm not going to get in and ruin your car. Are you not forgetting about what happened this morning?" You say, watching as he groans in frustration, pinching his nose with his long fingers.

"Shut up, and get in." He warns, you give up, having a crappy day already.

You yank the car door open, and sink into the warm leather seats, and closing the door carefully, as to not annoy him even more.

You stare out of the window, trying not to look at his big hand, graced with gentle veins steering the car effortlessly, with the other changing gears. You stop at a red light, the ambiance lights of his car setting a purple tint on the both of you.

He reaches over and stretches his arm past your boobs, and pulls the seatbelt, the metal drifting over your chest, clicking it in place. You wondered what was going through his mind, he switches up so fast.

"I didn't do it, you know." He claims, looking straight ahead, as the light changes green and the car kicks back into life.

"Surprising. I'm used to it by now." You say, stunning him slightly.

"Why didn't you tell me that they're such jerks?" He questions, looking over at you for a split second.

"You wouldn't care, I thought you endorsed their behaviour." You say, looking down at your soaked shoes. You continued, not letting him answer, "Why did you let me in if I'm in such a state right now?"

"The car can get cleaned, and I let you in because I care. I don't endorse their behaviour, I gave them a piece of my mind when you left." The Monegasque boy's voice drawls on, so pleasing to listen too.

"Why do we act like we hate each other?" Your meek voice questions, pathetically finding comfort in the car that smells just like him.

"I guess, emotions are complicated." He assumes, working his hand on the back of your headrest, backing up into his driveway. He switches the engine off and runs around the car to open your door. "I'll get you cleaned up and warm" He slightly hesitates, not knowing what's come over him.

[jungkookslipring]

family line

Summary: When things go too far in your household, your best friend finally learns about the dark history of your family.

Pairings: Joshua x reader

Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, AU

Relationship: Platonic

TW: Mentions of bl00d, physical/psychological abuse from parents, crying. If any of this is triggering please refrain from reading this fic. This fic takes place in an AU. This does not portray the artist or artists in real life.

You were done. You couldn't spend one more hour in the house you lived in for far too long. You only agreed to stay with your parents after college while you were apartment hunting, but you’ve been in the house 22 years too long, and it was time to get out. You stood in front of the mirror in your bedroom that was now cracked, holding onto your arms that were beginning to bruise. It hurt a little to breathe, given that a hand (and occasionally a fist) connected with your body not too long ago. You were able to protect your face for the most part, and if there was a bruise forming it was long forgotten, you were quick to put on makeup to cover up any evidence. You were genuinely shocked there was no blood drawn this time. After a few deep breaths and one final examination of the makeup you just applied. you texted the only person you knew would be up at this hour.

Y/n: hey, I know it’s a long shot, but do you care if I crashed in your couch just for tonight, maybe even tomorrow night too? Its okay if you say no.

He wasted no time responding back to you.

Shua: Yeah of course! Everything okay?

You swallowed the lump in your throat, typing away. He knew your living situation wasn't ideal but it was what you could afford as of now. You've spent most of your days at his place but always went home in the evening. The one and only time you have ever spent the night at his place was when you had a movie night with him and the guys and you ended up falling asleep on his couch, and it was easy to say that was the most peaceful slumber you have ever had probably in your entire life.

Y/n: Just family stuff...

Shua: I'm on my way, see you in 10

You let out a shaky exhale as you put the essentials in your duffle bag. This should last you a couple days. Not even 8 minutes later your phone buzzed.

Shua: "I'm here y/n"

You exhaled and opened your window, quietly climbing out of it. You've done this hundreds of times, you're grateful you haven't been caught. Joshua parked in his usual spot, a block away, out of site out of mind in case your parents woke up. You came around the corner, the door already unlocked and ready for you to hop in.

"Hey y/n" he said gently. You gave him the best smile you could until his eyebrows furrowed.

"What happened?" he asked, eyeballing the bruise forming on your arm. Your heart dropped; forgot to put on a jacket to cover up your arms. He reached to examine it, heart-shattering as you flinched. His eyes widened when the realization hit him.

"I'm sorry..." you say queitly. He shook his head. Why were you apologizing?

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked absolutely baffled. You've flinched around him before, when someone was too loud or when someone made sudden movements but he always thought you were just a jumpy person. He didn't know the extent of the abuse that happened at that house. He knew your parents were narcissistic and slightly mentally abusive (from what you've told him) but he didn't know it went this far.

"Nothing, sorry I don't know why I'm apologizing," you chuckle, trying to ignore the burning behind your eyes. His eyes widened.

“Y/n, did someone do this to you?” he asked. The lack of response was killing him. Joshua wanted to press further but not while they were on the street. He swallowed and put the car into drive. He looked over at you and oh so slowly held out his hand. You looked down at it and took hold of it. He ran his thumb over yours in a comforting motion, hoping to soothe you even a little, to let you know you were safe. You took deep breathes through your nose, willing the tears from spilling. Once you two pulled up to his place, he turned off the engine and opened his door to get out. When he saw you hadn't gotten out yet, he appraoched your door and opened it.

"Whatever is going on, you're safe here y/n, I promise," he said comfortingly. You bite your lip and nod. He grabs your bag for you and he unlocks the door, allowing you into his home first. He closed the front door as quietly as humanly possible so you wouldn't jump. The smell of vanilla and the warmth of his home sprung tears to your eyes. You're here almost everyday, but this night was different. Tonight it went too far at your house, and you knew you didn't want to go back, but what choice did you have?

"Y/n..." Joshua whispered when he saw tears already running down your face. He wanted to hold you so bad, but looking at the state you were in, touch might've been the last thing you wanted.

"Can I--can I hug you?" he asks. You nod rapidly when the first sob of the night rips from your throat. He didn't know if he should approach you first or if he should wait till you come to him. Luckily you made that decision for him as you walk to him, essentially throwing yourself on him, whimpering at the pain you caused yourself but you didn't care. He carefully wrapped his arms around you, wondering if there were bruises anywhere else besides your arm. He realized you also had makeup on, more than usual. His heart fell to his stomach realizing what happened.

"Y/n...honey, what happened?" he asked, trying to keep his voice stable. You cried harder, squeezing your eyes shut.

"D-Dad got mad...took it out on m-me," was all you could say before yet another gut-wrenching sob ripped from your throat. Your grip on Joshua's shirt tightened, and the lump in his throat was getting harder to swallow as he started stroking your head.

"How long has this been going on, angel?" he asked shakily. He tried to keep his voice steady, he really did. He was hoping you'd say just this once, he prayed and prayed you wouldn't say longer than this.

"Years...he's been doing this for years..." you whimper as your body shook harder. Tears were soaking into his shirt now.

"Baby..." he choked as tears started falling. Your best friend of lord knows how many years had no idea you were being physically abused this entire time. You always had a smile on your face, and even when you had "issues" with your parents you always shrugged and said "it's whatever" when Joshua would ask if you were okay. He wasn't going to make you relive what you just experienced, so he stood there, holding like he was protecting you from the world, whispering calming and encouraging phrases in hopes to get your heart to stop hurting.

"I got you"

"Let it out, let it all out, honey,"

"You're safe here"

"No one can hurt you anymore"

"I'm here, I'm right here"

“I love you so much”

At some point you two moved over to the couch, pulling you down so he could hold you in his arms properly. Your sobs had subsided but the tears wouldn't stop. This entire time while your face was buried in Joshua's chest, he was shedding his own silent tears. How did he not see this? After all these years.

"Its not your fault," he hears you say. He looks down at you, staring into your gorgeous eyes that were red and glossy.

"Its my fault for not telling you-" you start before Joshua gently shushed you, stroking your hair once again.

"None of this is your fault, none of this was ever your fault, sweetie," he says gently, sniffling when you reach up to wipe at his eyes. He understood why you wouldn't say anything, but he was so hurt that you went all these years, just accepting it all as if you deserved it. Joshua felt sick. There was no way in hell he was letting you go back to that house, but you were in such a vulnerable state right now, he knew he needed to phrase his words differently.

"Y/n?" he asked, waiting for you to respond. As soon as you hummed, he took a deep breath. "I would feel more at ease if you stayed here until you found a place of your own. And if you want to stay here permanently, I would be more than honored to have you as a roommate," he said sincerely. Your eyes widened. You wanted to interject, tell him you were fine, but you have done that long enough, and the idea of not stepping back into that home sparked joy in your heart.

"Are...are you sure?" you ask. Your heart broke looking at him as he nodded, tears filling his eyes. Oh he was dead serious.

"Thank you..." you breathe out as tears of relief fall down your eyes. You hug him tightly, ignoring the pain you feel in your ribs and arms. You didn't care. You were safe. Joshua was your safe space. Your family wasn't blood, your family came in the form of your friends who had nothing but love for you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do @itzsana-kiddingmenow @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae

[kitashousewife]

night swims

an: part of my summer holiday event! okay i decided to do more summer themed things, it is really warming up by me and feels like summer! this is my first time writing for gojo so be nice lmao

pairing: gojo x fem!reader

warnings: friends to lovers, swimming, gojo is older than you (reader is in 20's), pet names, lowercase intentional, that's it!

the sun was barely beginning it's descent behind the trees. the last reminders of the sun’s rays were felt through just how hot everything was. the rocks under your feet, the thickness of the air around you, the warmth of the concrete. everything seemed hot to the touch.

today was a lot. even though it was break time at jujutsu high, there were still a lot of reports that needed to be done. while the students enjoyed their break outside, you, along with the other teachers, were finishing up the last bit of work before you too could enjoy yourselves.

finishing your last task, you added the paper to the stack and made your way over to yaga's office to set them on his desk. not my problem now. a newfound freedom came over you as you walked towards your room. creating plans for the break in your head, you made your way inside of your room.

changing was the first step in your plan. one of the downsides of the uniforms is the dark fabric. while sleek and powerful looking, they do cause a bit of an issue in the warmer months. finally more comfortable, you settle in to relax and unwind for the evening. one of the perks of finishing up all of the reports was that yaga provided dinner for everyone, so at least you didn't have to worry about that. wait.

dinner. that's right.

a loud and drawn out groan left you as you remembered the events that transpired over dinner. you, gojo, nanami, and shoko (for once, you guys had been trying to get her to join you all for dinner for months) were all eating together, chatting about plans over break. as you deep in conversation with shoko, discussing different day trips that the two of you could enjoy, gojo clapped his hands twice (as loud as possible), causing the two of you to turn in his direction.

"so, night swimming anyone?" gojo exclaims, head tilted in questioning.

"no, thank you. i don't need to get into more than enough trouble, let alone at the very beginning of my break. i am going to pass," nanami begins to clear his dishes, straightening his tie as he stands up.

"what!" fake shock crosses gojo's face. "fine then. what about you ladies?"

looking at each other, shoko gives you an apologetic smile. sighing, she turns to gojo. “tonight?” he nods. shoko shakes her head with a laugh. "no, not that again. i still haven't recovered from last time. but, i'm sure you would love to go, right?" placing her arm on your shoulder as she stands up, your eyes widen a little bit.

gojo notices.

"then it's decided! i'll come get ya when i'm ready," gojo pats your head softly, clearing his plate and yours. feeling a little nervous, even a little bothered as you clearly didn't agree to anything, considering you didn't speak, you slowly get up and head back to your office.

snapping out of your little flashback, you groan again. trying to convince yourself to change into a bathing suit, you become lost in your thoughts once more.

you and gojo are friends. you have been for years. during those years, you two have fallen victim to everyone's commentary on your so called "relationship". you don't get it. you guys are close! of course you guys spend a lot of time together, sit next to each other, mess around with each other, buy each other things. lately though, you’ve felt kind of different about him. you’ve began to notice things about him. his soft hair, his contagious laugh, his-

"are ya ready or what? we need to go before it's too dark," gojo taps on your door too many times, fake annoyance in his voice. you open the door quickly. met with gojo's shirtless figure you immediately turn to hide the red in your cheeks.

gojo notices that, too.

"just a second, i need to grab-"

"no time! everything is perfect right now. we have to go so we don't miss anything!" interrupting you, gojo grabs you by the hand and pulls you out the door.

"satoru, i don't have shoes on. i didn't get a chance to grab my phone or a towel either," you huff, still being pulled out of the building.

"you don't need any! plus," gojo finally slows down, allowing you to walk side by side down a path you don't quite recognize. "i brought a towel, so we can just share that one."

although you hate to admit it, gojo is right. everything is perfect right now, even though it is a little warm. the sun has barely gone down, the remainder of it's light still showing through the tops of the trees. as you walk further along the path, you decided that the large shirt you had on to cover your bathing suit was not going to cut it later.

"aren't you so glad to be on a break? i love all of the students of course, but yaga has been up my ass lately and i am just so sick and tired of it," gojo asks, running a hand through is hair, holding his glasses in his free hand. grabbing the glasses and putting them on yourself, you turn to him.

"i'm sure he has a reason for being up your ass, it isn't like you don't give him more than enough as is," you retort, scrunching your eyebrows as gojo takes his glasses back.

"wow, you're hilarious!" his quip weighed down with sarcasm. the two of you turn down a different path, this one not as easy on your feet. "i'll carry you the rest of the way, if you would like," gojo suggests, patting his back.

"a piggy-back ride? satoru, what am i, a toddler?"

"you sure act like one, just get on," ignoring the very kind middle finger you gave him, gojo bends down slightly to give you a better chance.

"no, i'm really okay. we're almost there, right?"

shaking his head, he chuckles at you as you keep walking together. "yeah, almost there. so," gojo tilts his head at you once more, repeating his actions earlier.

"yeah, i guess i am pretty excited for break. i think that shoko and i might go hang out with utahime for the day next week," turning to face gojo, you nearly miss the stump peeking out of the path. stepping around it, your fingertips slightly brush against gojo's knuckles. he lets out a small laugh, and you feel your face turn red. thankfully, you notice a small lake just in time.

"we made it," gojo steps aside, letting you onto the dock first. "ready to get in?" gojo takes off his glasses and shoes and extends his hand out to you. smiling to himself, he notices you aren't paying attention. well, not to his words.

you’re blatantly staring at his very fit physique, and you become a bit flustered. has he always looked this way? gojo's chuckle causes you to look up immediately, unable to hide your pink cheeks and wide eyes.

"u-um, yeah, let me just get ready, how about i join you in a minute?" fiddling with the hem of your shirt. gojo laughs.

"sure, pretty. whatever you say," gojo slides off of the dock and into the water. pretty? sure, gojo had called you pretty. numerous times actually. but this felt different. slipping off your shirt and setting it next to his, you pad over to the edge where gojo comes back up to the surface.

gojo is actually grateful that you decided to go in after him. he hoped that the shock from the water might snap him out of whatever feeling is running through his body. the entire walk felt different. your playful banter didn't feel as playful as it normally does. gojo had been staring at you as well, thankfully his glances were hidden by his glasses. maybe it was the summer air, but you were so alluring tonight. coming up out of the water, gojo tries sighs. pushing back now soaked hair, he collects himself.

"ready to join me?" gojo holds out his hand for the second time, extending it to you in hopes that you will finally take it.

"is it cold? i don't want to-" gojo pulls your hand towards him, and you let go. "gojo, don't even think about it!" he only laughs in response.

"i was just kidding! no need to use my last name. come on, i'll help you in," moving closer to the dock, he smiles up at you. he hopes that despite the stillness of the water, you don't hear how hard his heart is pounding right now. you inch closer to the edge, nodding your head. you stick out your hand for some help, which gojo accepts, just not in the way that you want.

your shriek is interrupted when you open your eyes and realize that you are only partially in the water, being held up by something. amidst your surprise, you instinctively wrapped your arms around gojo’s neck, and your legs around his torso. you release your arms, pulling yourself back a bit. you stare at gojo’s chest, the muscles dusted pink from the temperature of the water. the arms holding your back let go momentarily, causing you to gasp and look up, eye to eye with gojo.

this isn’t a spot you find yourself in too often. he’s incredibly tall for one, and you guys never get this close. you’re just friends. you have always wondered how they would look up close. you’re mesmerized.

laughing at your surprised state, gojo laughs. “i’m not that mean, who do you think i am?”

“an asshole who pulled me into the lake, after i specifically asked him not to,” you sulked.

gojo misses your attention on him. pulling his hand out of the water, he places his cold, wet pointer finger underneath your chin, tilting your face up to look at him.

“oh yeah? am i now,” gojo’s usually louder voice reduced to almost a whisper. his gaze flicks from your lips, to your eyes, and back again.

“yeah,” you whisper back, staring at his lips as well. with your palms on his chest, you feel his heart beat. you know yours is just as fast.

“i don’t believe you,” gojo leans a little closer, breath brushing over your lips.

“toru,” you whisper back, heart feeling like it’s in your throat.

gojo is feeling something extremely foreign. watching your eyes flicker, having your hands on him, feeling your breathing quicken. he feels nervous.

“c-can, can i kiss you, please?” stuttering, he looks you in the eye.

you feel dizzy. the strongest man in the world, fumbling over his words, talking to you.

“please,” you breath out, closing your eyes.

your lips meet, and your stomach flutters. you’ve never felt something so soft. you feel like melting, surrounding yourself in gojo’s embrace.

pulling away, you look in his eyes once more. gojo smiles wide, causing you to mirror his expression.

he lets out a breathy laugh. “well,” he spins you in the water once, and you tilt your head and laugh.

“it’s getting dark. did you want to head back?”

smiling, you lay your head down on his shoulder. “let’s just stay like this for a few minutes,”

gojo has never felt happier. he makes a mental note to thank shoko next time he sees her. “yeah, we can do that.” kissing your forehead, he smiles to himself. he has never felt this excited about a summer break.

[lmh8903]

Benny Rodriguez x Reader Pt. 2

Y/N's POV

I get to my destination, a place well-known to me, a place where I haven't been in forever, the Sandlot. I start walking toward the field. On the field, I saw Benny practicing his hitting. I immediately felt a knot in my stomach. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. Being here on this old baseball field with him reminds me of the countless nights he and I would hang out here and talk about the future. 

As I approach the field, memories of our past flood my mind. I remember the first time Benny taught me how to pitch and how proud he was of me when I finally threw a strike. He was so excited. I remember the late nights we spent in this field, dreaming about our future careers and what we would do with our lives. But most of all, I remember the way my heart used to flutter whenever he looked at me.

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts and I notice myself focusing on Benny. He hits the ball over to the edge of the fence with ease, and I watch as he retrieves it and gets back into position. He's wearing a white tight-fitting tank top, and sweat glistens on his perfectly tanned skin. His muscles ripple with every swing, and I can't help but feel drawn to him.

Suddenly, Benny looks up and catches me staring at him. I blush and look away, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he continues hitting the ball with even more force. The sound of the bat hitting the ball echoes through the empty field, and I can feel the ground vibrating beneath my feet.

After a few more swings, Benny finally acknowledges my presence, but he doesn't stop practicing. "Hey. Don't you have something better to do? Like, make out with Phillips." Benny said. His words stung a little bit.

 The boy who used to be my best friend, acting as if he doesn't want anything to do with me. I finally gain the courage to say something, "I could, but I don't want to".  

"Why not? You seem to love it when you're right in front of my locker." He said. "Technically, it was Phillips's locker. Yours just so happens to be next to his," I say. 

"Whatever Y/N" He replies while rolling his eyes. "Why do you even care about what we do?" I asked. 

He stops practicing. Suddenly he dropped his bat and walked over toward me. We're only inches apart. I can feel his hot breath on my face. He's breathing heavily from the strenuous hitting. "Are you going to answer my question, Rodriguez?" I'm speechless, my mind racing with a million different thoughts. Suddenly, Benny leans in and puts his lips on mine. It's like a jolt of electricity shoots through my body, and I respond eagerly, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer. We kiss passionately, lost in the moment, and it feels like nothing else exists except the two of us on this old baseball field. 

I feel the soft grass beneath my feet and the cool breeze blowing against my skin. Benny's lips were incredibly soft, and the taste of his minty breath filled my senses. His strong, calloused hands were on my face, sending shivers down my spine. He slides his tongue across my bottom lip, asking for entrance into my mouth, and I eagerly allow him in. The feeling of our tongues touching each other sent a warm, tingling sensation throughout my body.

I find the strength to push him away, breaking the spell. I finally have time to put my thoughts together, I was happy, but at the same time, I was incredibly angry. "You don't talk to me for almost a year and then you just kiss me as if nothing fucking happened?" I yell, my heart racing. "Y/N, you have to understand, I was hurt," he replies, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes pleading with me to forgive him.

"Yeah, well, so was I," I said as I start heading back to my house. "Y/N wait! Please let me explain everything" Benny replies with worry in his voice. I stay monotone as I say "You have 5 minutes Rodriguez." 

 "I care because I like you, I have since the first day we met. When you stopped coming to the Sandlot after the guys kicked you off the team and you started dating Phillips I was crushed. You're the first girl I ever felt something for. I've liked you since the first time you threw a perfect strike. You had the biggest smile on your face, and I fell in love right then and there. You can't say you didn't feel anything in that kiss because I know you did. You can't deny it, Y/N." Benny said. 

"Yes Benny, I did feel something in that kiss. But I'm with Phillips now, and I can't just leave him for you. You hurt me when you kicked me off the team, and you hurt me again by disappearing without a word. You can't just come back into my life and expect everything to be okay. Benny, you were my best friend. On the countless nights when we would talk about the future, you said girls were the last thing on your mind. You wanted to put baseball first, and I respected that"

Benny's expression softened. "I know, Y/N. I messed up. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. I'll show you that I'm not just going to prioritize baseball. I want to prioritize you. I'll prove to you that I'm the one who deserves your heart."

I sighed, feeling conflicted. Part of me wanted to believe him, but another part was afraid to let go of what I had with Phillips. "I don't know, Benny. You've hurt me a lot in the past year. I don't even know who you are anymore."

"I understand. But I need you to know that I'll do anything for you. I care about you more than anything else in this world."

I looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of insincerity. But all I saw was raw, unguarded emotion. Maybe, just maybe, he was telling the truth.

"Okay, but just as friends for now," I said, surprising even myself. "Let's see what happens by the end of the summer. But if you hurt me again, Rodriguez, I won't hesitate to walk away."

"I won't let you down," he promised, and we parted ways. As I walked home, my mind was filled with uncertainty and doubt. But at the same time, there was a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, Benny and I could make things work. Only time would tell.

My mind rushed back to Phillips. I love him. I can't just tell him that I just made out with Benny at the Sandlot. I reach my driveway, and that's when I see it. Phillips's car was parked in my driveway as well. 

My heart sank as I saw Phillips sitting on my front porch, looking exhausted. It was obvious he had been here for a while. I took a deep breath and walked up to him, trying to hide the guilt and confusion that was churning inside me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"I needed to talk to you," he said, standing up and facing me. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I had to see you."

I felt a pang of guilt as I thought about what had just happened with Benny. How could I face Phillips now?

But as I looked into his eyes, I realized that my feelings for him were still strong. I knew that I had to be honest with him, even if it hurt.

"Phillips, there's something I need to tell you," I said, taking a deep breath.

[caroline-ds-world]

You're mine baby girl- Bang Chan

Fem. Reader x Bang Chan

Word count: 2,278

MDNI. 18+

Warnings: feeling lost in life, body insecurity, piv sex, Chan saying baby girl constantly, first time, loss of virginity, fingering, eating out, just all the normal 18+ stuff for smut let me know if I missed anything!

Feedback and reblogs are welcome as this is my first time writing in years!

Tagging @skz317cb97 cause it's Chan.

You were always an awkward person. You were overweight for most standards. You had spent your entire life getting yelled at constantly and feeling like you didn't belong anywhere, that is until you found Bang Chan, and the members of Stray Kids.

Chan and his boys always treated you nicely and tried their very best to make you feel welcomed. They never raised their voices at you, they never would hurt you.

This made you feel drawn to them, and Chan very easily stole your heart. You began dating about a year after you had met them and he confessed his feelings for you in a very cute way. He created a "path" for you to follow, from your house to your favorite shops, your favorite ice cream place, and finally to the beach, where he had written in the sand "Will you be my girlfriend?", You of course said yes.

All that then led to now about a year and a half into your relationship, and you finally felt happy but still a little incomplete. Chan was your home that you were sure of, but he had become kinda distant (and you haven't seen him alone only with the other members) ever since you had told him you were a virgin after you guys had been making out about 2 weeks ago. He walked out after hearing the information from you. You were starting to become very anxious that he would end things between you after this.

"I'd it because I'm not skinny like the models?" "Was he disappointed to find out that he was dating a virgin?", " Am I a disappointment to him too?", and "Is he gonna start to scream and yell at me until I have sex with him?" were just some of the questions that plagued your mind.

You were sitting on your bed listening to the song "Grow Up" when your phone went off. It was a text from Chan. "Can we meet up to talk? We have some things to discuss…." It read. "Oh no, he's going to break up with me." You thought.

You texted back telling him yes and to come over whenever he is ready. About 5 minutes later he messages back saying he'll be there in about 20 minutes. You decided to prepare yourself for him to break up with you so you started texting the boys that they probably wouldn't be seeing much of you and you were planning on getting a plane ticket to get out of the country when you heard him knock.

He walked in and looked upset. "Hey…" hey trailed off. "Hi." You squeaked out. "Do you want to sit?" You questioned after the awkwardness, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. You both moved to sit, you went to your couch, him going to sit in the armchair you had sitting across from the couch in the living room. That is when you closed your eyes ready to hear about breaking up.

"Do you want me to be your first?" Huh? He's asking that? Now? You stay silent. "I need an answer babygirl. Do you want me to take your virginity?" He demanded, raising his voice a little too much, sounding like he was yelling at you. You flinched at the sound.

You had thought about it quite a bit and yes you did want him to be your first but only if he wanted to also. " Yes…" you confessed quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. "That's my good girl. I'm sorry for raising my voice at you, I just needed to hear your answer." Chan purred out.

"Chan…. Are you going to break up with me?" You wondered out loud. " What? Now babygirl, I'm not breaking up with you, what makes you ask that?" He questioned, puzzled as to how him asking you if you wanted to lose your virginity to him translated to him breaking up with you.

"Well since I told you I was a virgin, you have been quite distant, plus I'm not skinny at all and we haven't been alone as a couple since that night…. It's only natural that my mind went to you breaking up with me." You whispered to him. "Oh baby girl, no I was trying to keep myself from just ruining your innocence, cause I would have done it that night, but I shouldn't when I'm that horny, I can't be as gentle as you need me to be. And I love your body no matter if you are skinny or not."

Wait what?! He would've taken it that night? Not as gentle as you needed him to be? Who said you needed him to be gentle? Loves your body???"Chan…. I don't need you to be gentle….and I really do want you to take my innocence. You're the only man I would trust to do so." You hesitated at first but became more confident as you answered his statement.

"Baby girl, you have no idea what that means to me. I'll take good care of you and love your body that way it should be loved on. Let's go to your room and talk about this a little more before we continue though. " He picked you up and carried you bridal style to your room, not bothering to close the bedroom door since you live alone, he paid you down on the bed and laid next to you so you could talk through stuff before he just dove into your body.

"So first I wanna know your boundaries and kinks if you have any so I can make sure I am pleasing you during this and not hurting you." Chan claimed as you looked away. "Come on baby girl you gotta tell me these things so I can make sure I don't push you too far or hurt you." He continues.

Kinks? Boundaries? Do you know if you have any? " Well I'm not sure Chan, since I haven't ever had sex. I know I want you to be the one in control, that's pretty much it…." You trail off again." Well let's see, have you ever masterbated before? Do you know what makes you feel good?" Chan wonders.

" I haven't Chan…." You answered. " Oh you're really innocent, you're such a cute baby girl. Okay I'll be watching your reactions then, we'll go slow as we do this." Chan responded before he started kissing your lips.

Starting with a slow kiss that's also very passionate, after about 3 minutes of kissing he brings his hands to your body and starts rubbing your sides through your shirt. He then pulls back from the kiss to start kissing, sucking, and licking your neck. He then brings his hands to your chest, groping lightly. You moan at the touching and the way he's kissing your neck.

"You like that baby? Do you want to continue? Do you want to touch me?" Chan asks tentatively. "Yes Channie, please continue." " Oh baby girl, such good manners, saying please already, this should be fun, okay take your shirt off for me." You do as you're told and take your shirt off.

Once the shirt is off (you didn't have a bra on) Chan goes back to kissing your neck, bringing his hands back to your body on your nipples, pinching them slightly. "So sensitive baby" Chan chirped out between kissing your neck as he started to move down towards your breasts.

Once he reaches to your nipples, he looks at you for permission with his eyes, you nod automatically knowing he's asking to suck your nipple. He does so to your right one sucking just right, flicking his tongue every now and again. While sucking your right nipple, he fondles your left breast with his skilled hand. You start moaning louder driving him to continue, switching to the left nipple.

You move your hands to his shirt he is wearing and pull on it signalling to him that you want it off, he pulls back and shucks the shirt off as fast as he can do he can get back to you. Once the shirt is off he looks at you as if asking if you wish to continue on further. You hesitate but nod. He slowly moves to take your pants off when you stop him by grabbing his hands "Chan I'm scared… what if you don't like what you see?" You whispered.

"Baby girl, I already told you I don't care if you're skinny or not. But if you wanna stop, we can, just tell me." " No Chan I don't want to stop, go ahead." He pulls down your pants and underwear at the same time. Then he groans the second he sees your pussy, "Fuck I love it already." You blush and he looks down at you "Awe baby do you like that daddy loves your pussy? Do you want him to eat you out and finger you to prepare you for his big cock?" He teases. You realize that he just called himself daddy so you moan " yes Daddy please please please"

"It's okay baby, I'll take care of you." Chan rasps out before he brings his hand to your pussy, finding your clit and rubbing it slightly. " Oh you're already so wet baby, did daddy make you this wet just from kissing you and sucking your nipples? You're so sensitive, I love it baby. Let me take care of you."

He kisses your stomach, while circling your entrance before he presses one finger inside you. He watches your face for discomfort then questions " you like that? You want more, baby?" To which you nod and continue to moan his name.

He then inserts a second finger into you along with the first one and licks your clit. You please for more, so he then takes your clit into his mouth and sucks hard. You scream out at that. He chuckles " you like that baby girl? You want more of that??" He's playing with your clit to distract you from having any pain as he stretches your pussy with his fingers for his big fat cock that you are sure he has. You can't help yourself from wanting to touch him, so you grab his hair and tug a little to give yourself something to do while he plays with you.

He works for about 10-15 minutes like that, enough that you are dripping on your bedsheets. Once he has you where he thinks you are ready to take him, he pulls away. Once he does so, he pulls down his pants and underwear, and you sit up and reach out to touch him, but he swats your hand away.

" Baby, this is about you, I don't need you to touch me in any way. I just want to make you feel good, I'll teach you how to touch me and suck me off at some point. Now let me take care of you, just give me one moment to get the condom on."He explains before he turns to get a condom out of his pants that he just put on the floor while you pout. He turns back to you and sees you pouting and responds "Hey none of that, I wanna make your first time special. I'll let you learn how to please me gradually baby. Let me make love to you please."

You frown but let him have his way anyway. You lay back on the bed again and he gets between your legs putting his dick at your entrance and slowly easing in, inch by inch. He kisses you once he gets 2 inches in cause he knows it's still going to be painful even though he stretched you out with his fingers. Once he is fully inside you, he groans out "Oh so tight. Fuck I love this pussy. It's mine. Why did you think I would break up with you over this?" " Fuck Chan so big. I'm sorry for thinking you would break up with me." Chan tells you to let him know when he can move.

After about a moment the pain fades and you let him know he can move, he starts off slow with his thrusts. "Fuck this pussy just sucks me in so well, never want to stop. Daddy loves you babygirl and he loves your entire body. Never want to leave you" Chan reassures you as he thrusts into you.

"Chan don't stop please! I need more!" Chan picks up his pace, but still makes sure to hit your g-spot as he is thrusting. He wants you to scream for him. He wants your first time to be perfect.

"Chan I think I'm gonna c-" "Go ahead pretty baby girl cream my cock, I wanna feel you clench around me." So you cum and cum and cum some more. By the time Chan is ready to cum you have came 5 times. "Fuck I'm cumming baby girl.." Chan whimpers out as he thrusts one last time.

After he cums he pulls off the condom, ties it and throws it into the trash beside the desk in your room, puts his underwear back on. He then turns to you and asks " Was that okay? Was I too rough? Do you need anything?" You giggle " no Chan you weren't too rough, I'm fine and I just need some clothes to cover up." You reach down and pick up his shirt and walk over to your dresser to get some clean underwear. After that you and Chan cuddled up in your bed and watched movies until you fell asleep.

[korodere]

new year new... idk

haven't made a proper new years post in a while. i think this year kinda earned one.

tw: death, suicide, and so on

so... 2023.

where do i start?

a lot of good. and way, way more bad. but i don't want to lose sight of all the good because of it.

for the first time after knowing these guys for over a decade, i met my best friends nate, kathy, and kai in real life. spent over a week together with them, went to a con, got to share a bed with them the whole time, and force nate to eat a bunch of american food.

but. a month later, kai killed herself. and i'm still dealing with that. probably will be for the rest of my life. she was my best friend, i would call her my soulmate, my sister. she meant the world to me. i wish i could've spent every day of the rest of our lives like we spent that week in DC. i regret all the things i didn't do yet with her. all the things i couldn't do for her, to help her.

i miss her. a lot. i've just gotten to point finally, after she passed on aug 28, where just the thought of her doesn't make me spiral into misery and cut myself. i still get the feeling sometimes---i travelled again for the first time since our trip to DC, to see my childhood best friend graduate, and the entire plane ride was miserable. i just thought of her the whole time, because the last time i'd been on a plane was to see her, and then to leave her. and i kept thinking about how much i fucking wished i could've taken her back to vegas with me. she joked about it, when they dropped me off the airport, got out of the car and pretended like she was leaving with me. i wish she could have.

she made the year really stressful. from her new relationship to the constant troubles that came with it, to her psych ward visit, and then her constant attempts. over and over. and i had to keep stopping her, fighting with her. found out her whole philosophy on suicide---that it's her body her choice, and therefore anyone not wanting her to kill herself is being selfish, and that it was just a difference in philosophy. it was difficult. the conversations i had with her, i didn't want anyone else to hear. unfortunately it all spilled out, and then she took her own life.

i would've dealt with that for the rest of our lives if i had to, though. if it meant i could still talk to her, to see her again. i would've foiled her suicide attempts and argued with her and fought with her about it until we both grew old if i had to. i wouldn't have had to, i hope. but it was hard to convince her that there was any life to live other than this, for her. that she wouldn't feel this way forever.

it was a difficult year, if not for that already, but on top of that i was still dealing with the aftermath of a bad, drawn out breakup. so while trying to help her, i was barely able to help myself cope and move on from that---the fights and the shitty words and feelings. i felt pretty close to trying to attempt myself, last year. i'm better now. back on my medication. and while my self-harm is still an issue, it hasn't been for a couple months. its still on my mind, though. not always but a lot of the time.

i've been struggling pretty badly with feeling like i don't have a place in the world. worsened by the obvious, you know. i place a lot of my self and identity on the people around me---so who am i if not his boyfriend, if not kai's best friend? so much of my self-perception revolved around them.

there was a good month or two where i sort of just like... didn't want to exist, or accomplish anything. it's hard to describe but i felt like---why bother with transitioning? why bother with top surgery? HRT? legal documents? all that? if she's not here. i was her best friend, and she was always so proud and happy for me when i made progress---when i started growing a stache, she'd point it out everytime we video called and say "ooh, you look like a man, so handsome", or the more common, "you look like a fag". when my voice started dropping a bit, she noticed. it dropped even more this past month. i wish she could hear it.

this is certainly nsfw, but it makes sense in the context of our relationship (she was always very openly sexual around me, and vice versa. it was just part of our dynamic), but when we met up in july, i let her do... a lot of things lol. including suck on my nipple. which, yea, sounds weird, but it made sense for us. i told her now she had to live long enough to see me get top surgery, so she could test out if i still had enough feeling in my nipples. she said she would. so, for a while after she died, i felt like... i can't? or, why should i? if she won't be there, for me. if she won't be there to see my results.

it's really hard, thinking things like that. i'm struggling to not start crying right now. which is a miracle, honestly, i haven't been able to cry as much since i started T and yet because of her i've cried more in the past few months than i have in the year and a half since i started T.

i really miss her. i wish we could've done more, together. the week i spent with her felt like what i'd wanted my life with her to be for years. nearly a decade. you know, you grow up a mentally ill teen on the internet with all your most important friendships being these long distance people you've never met irl, and you talk and talk about what your life could be if you all lived nearby. and then for one week, that's what my life was. and i've never been happier in my life, genuinely. i wanted that to be my life, forever. it felt so comfortable and easy; i've notoriously had some bad anxiety issues about meeting up irl with people for the first time, i sort of shut down and go non-verbal, struggle to socialize or talk. but with her, kathy, and nate---i felt none of that. none of it. everything was so easy. i wasn't anxious or scared or anything.

i loved being with them. i loved doing mundane things like shopping at walmart and target with them while they pushed me around in the shopping cart. loved going to hot topic and picking out clothes with them. loved seeing the barbie movie in theaters opening week with them. going to a convention with them, something id' wanted for so long, because conventions are such a big part of my life and all i'd ever wanted was to share it with them. we cosplayed together. i put kai in my mikan cosplay, it fit her so well. when we went to the danganronpa meetup at otakon, she fit the part so easily even though she was kinda nervous. i still look at the pictures.

she really was a perfect mikan. nate was junko, you can see him on the right there, i was komaeda, and kathy was chiaki. it fit us all so well. i wish we could do it again.

it's been hard to wear my mikan cosplay again, after that. knowing she wore it.

i miss her a lot. but i'd be remiss to not mention that despite how awful this year was, i am hoping for a lot better in the upcoming one, and i'm going to make it so. and i know last time ifelt this way, a pandemic suddenly happened and things got worse, but i'm really gonna try, lol.

so what do i hope for, this year?

i'm going to see kathy & nate again, mark my words. i already have plans to see kathy in february and i'm going to enjoy myself the best of my ability, even if it'll be hard to be in her house again, considering the last time i was was when kai was there, too.

i want to get my passion for art back, and i think i'm already on my way to it. i want to get back into painting, both digitally and physically. and to draw with emotion rather than the intention to just make something pretty people will like.

back to the gym. rather stereotypical, but i gained a lot of weight after kai passed, and i want to get back in shape now.

drawing more things im passionate about rather than making myself stuck fixated on one interest.

top surgery. i wanna figure it out. even if i cant get it this year, i want to figure out what i need to do it.

a job hopefully. of some kind. just want to feel more stable money-wise if i can.

im just going to do things that ive wanted to do for a long time. im gonna stop putting it off. and just do it. because the time will pass anyways. so i want to do it now.

happy new year, everyone.

[forffax]

returning the favor with oc asks since i always wanna hear about yours !! if you had to pick like your top 5 favorite characters who would they be and why 👀 bonus if you want to pick your favorite like settings/worlds/universes youve made for ocs too!

OOOUH thank u chase!!!

I'm gonna list out my favs then talk abt my main oc universe a bit ^_^

This got ridiculously long so it's going under a readmore <3

1. Tos Family (sorry this is going to be. the whole family bc I cannot possibly choose between them)

i. Lux Tos (he/him)

(realizing now i haven't drawn him in a hot fuckin minute)

MY DAD. guy of all time ever. everyone's favorite half-human time traveling alien war vet. it always feels weird referring 2 him as part alien even if it's technically true sdjfgs. fun lore fact: he was the Dead Older Brother in original iteration Zephyr's Sad Backstory but I liked him too much so I decided he got to live <3

Lux is one of my older ocs that I still actively draw and think abt (late middle school...) and he's changed a LOT over the years but he's so so so dear to me. my guy who has Seen the Horrors and is now happily gay married with a kid :') sdfkjsk most things abt his story is just me being So Incredibly Self Indulgent (cool powers, complicated sibling relationships, gay) but it makes me happy and I love sharing it with ppl! Someday Voided 2 will be real and ready to share with the world...

ii. Ferdinand Tos (he/him)

Dad....2!!!!!! I don't remember when exactly I thought him up but it was probably around when Lux's backstory was getting a major overhaul... He's a man out of time he's training to be a doctor and his will to live is so strong he spent the better part of nearly two decades building himself a new body! Guys who died but got better <3. I think I literally got brain blasted one day and decided he's a non-op trans man and it was the best thing ever for him actually. He's a southern californian stuck in the cold northwest (probably. either that or the northeast im not settled on that aspect yet skdjfs). He's been super fun to write from a worldbuilding perspective too bc his main goal is to pioneer a new branch of medicine using his powers! His relationship with Lux and the rest of the family (and his reconciliation with his sister) is sooooo important 2 me :]

iii. Athanasius Tos (she/her)

THANAAAAA most normal sibling (lie). She was adopted formally right after Lux "died" and had a bit of a complex about just being a "replacement" for a good while, and she THOUGHT she had worked through that when Lux suddenly re-appeared... they're on great terms now but it was Tense. She's a biochemist and probably makes the most out of the household (she shares an apartment with Zeph!) It's very important 2 me that she can let herself be vulnerable with her family and close friends after years of bottling everything up... Epic nerdy autistic butches in your area <3 Fun fact she is the only full human of the main cast!

iv. Zephyr Tos (she/him)

My fuckign auncle. Within the story she only recently realized he was bigender and is much happier for it, even if you couldn't tell by her permanent scowl skjdfgs. Zeph was the original protag (along with Thana) of the short story I wrote in middle school that turned into Voided 2! In-universe he was very clearly supposed to be the protag but missed/ignored the "call to action" phase and just got a shitton of Issues and Traumas instead <3 She's so everything 2 me he's a freelance writer/artist she's kinda cringe and he is trying only as hard as she absolutely needs to in order to get by. While his relationship with Lux is MUCH better than it was when Lux first came back, she's completely inseparable from Thana and would do anything for her (I feel like they spent equal times protecting each other from bullies as kids...) He's changed so much from her original incarnation but developing him has been SO much fun <3 Since Voided 2 runs on real-world time (in that I have specific real-world dates for most major events) she turned 50 fairly recently and that's fucked but also funny. old.

v. Alan Tos (any)

Alan! Love this kiddo. He's Lux and Ferdinand's adoptive kid! Xe doesn't learn about it for a while but she was a government secret experiment test-tube baby (they were trying to artificially fuse souls together, distantly related to the later Child Soldier School ze was placed into) (kid cannot catch a break). He's a good kid, if not a little clueless and naive... someone who would hold no ill-will if you had to cut their leg off (this is not a hypothetical GJSKDS). Somehow, despite all this, she is by far the most Normal out of xer family <3 His fashion sense is some kind of spectrum between 60s businesswoman and scene and tbh? Very fun to draw! Her friends and family are very very dear to them and at the moment xe's just kind of letting life take zem wherever.

2. Vague (it/they)

unauthorized fucking thing kill it with hammers NOW!!!!!

Vague started as I think just a proxy for myself in vent art I drew in like early high school sdhjfgds they have since become. something. my mascot I guess? (I still end up using it for vent art sometimes bc it's functionally unkillable and it's fun 2 get narsty sometimes.)

originally it was just the weird cat-shaped angel thing but a couple years ago I gave them a human design that I really love too <3 vague technically has a place in Niko and my other cat furry ocs' story but their human form exists in the real world and is just Like That i think. vague is just a little guy okay? they're sorry about crying and bleeding all over the place (not bc it sees any issue with this they just noticed you looked upsetskjdfhs)

3. Niko (he/they)

Baby's first fursona! Niko was always mostly his own character but now that I have new This is Just Me sona(s), they've been officially retired from that front <3 Niko's story is mostly planned out, I just desperately need to write it somewhere skjdbfs but the gist is that Niko works a shitty minimum wage call center job and finds meaning and love through forming a band with people he happens to meet... also there's some whistleblowing and betrayal and vague slams down out of the sky at some point <3 Niko's band doesn't have a name but they're the lead vocalist! (Niko 🤝 Blue (is blue and sings in their band)) This is a universe where everyone is cat furries simply bc I wanted to design lots of cat furries but also I haven't drawn like half of his bandmates/friends.... orz

Fun fact I found my original doodles of him in an old math notebook and apparently I seriously considered the name "chandler" for them. Help,

4. Larkspur (they/them)

Laaark my friend lark :] they're my player character for a friend's tabletop campaign! *hands you a bug* *hands you a bug* *hands-

Their design was super fun to come up with and they're fun to play as :] They were raised on a farm and have a deep love for animals (insects in particular), but they have a hard time connecting with others and understanding why people act the way they do.. They wear an eyepatch to cover their multiple other eyes bc it gives them bad sensory overload to see with them! They also spent quite a bit of time as a bounty hunter before they were blacklisted from further work bc they let a target escape on purpose... Lark is a ranger/bard and they play the hurdy-gurdy! They're dear to me and I really need to draw them more sjdfhgs

5. Chungy Fresh (she/he/they)

Chungy my belungy.... she's a mimic who spent most of his life being a chest in the temple of a forgotten goddess until they gained sentience and saw a fursuit from far away and decided yep! I'm gonna look like that Now <3 She didn't get all the details right but he's never been happier! I think Chungy spawned from me drawing a weird fox thing and simultaneously thinking "hey wouldn't it be funny if a character had a verbal text/forum signature and it was also their name" skdjfgjskdfls. Chungy is def up there with "most fun ocs of mine to draw" bc she's so Noodly and Malleable... I started playing as him in a friend group's tabletop oneshot thingy (where multiple ppl write different unrelated oneshots but we use the same characters for each session) and it has been a lot of fun!

OKAY OC UNIVERSE TIME. I call my main oc story "Voided 2" bc it takes place in the same universe as my v personal self insert oc story "Voided" that I have been working on/writing/thinking abt since late middle school... It's kinda vaguely modern fantasy/sci-fi? Main things are that there are beings born at the beginning of the universe made of pure energy called Lunoirs. There are countless universes, and each universe has Lunoirs in some capacity. They mainly exist to "keep the balance," but if you ask any specific Lunoir what that means you'll get a million different answers. Mainly they gravitate towards any life within their universe and integrate with them, observing them and protecting them from Shadows and Vacares. Shadows are the unliving souls that will eventually be reborn and reformed into a living soul inside any given universe-- they exist in the space between universes, called the Void. the Void looks different to any being that crosses into it, and it's hard to say what its "true" nature is. Vacares are Lunoirs that have had their souls corrupted and eaten, usually by other Vacares. While Shadows, being amalgamations of soul energy, are strictly neutral, Vacares seek to cause chaos and eat more Lunoir souls, increasing their numbers in a vain attempt to satisfy their endless hunger.

The Lunoir population on Earth is fairly numerous, and since Lunoirs can take on whatever form they choose, many of them live and love and have children with humans, making partial-lunoir children (physically they are nearly indistinguishable from full humans, save for longer lifespans, odd hair and eye colors, and sharper teeth. also they have semi-physical wings, but these have to be manually brought out and often ppl don't even know they have them (*cough* zephyr *cough*)

Lunoirs aren't fully immortal, but they have a different life cycle to most other forms of life. When a non-lunoir dies, their soul disintegrates and is amalgamated with the souls of others in the Void to become Shadows. When a Lunoir dies (outside of having their soul completely corrupted/destroyed), they instead go into a sort of stasis and are reborn later; they have no memories of their previous life (the ones on Earth don't, at least) and they can take on wildly different appearances.

Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs have powers in the form of energy manipulation, particularly when it comes to the energy of their own souls... They can use their souls to form weapons, mainly to fight against Vacares that tend to be immune to physical weapons. Most people have one weapon that they specialize in, but in a pinch nearly everyone can form a knife. Humans can manipulate their own soul energy in this way too, but this ability must be taught/"unlocked" by a Lunoir or a partial Lunoir first (Zephyr, at some point, did this for Thana without either of them realizing it). Lunoirs can also manipulate the energy of the very universe to create Rifts in time and space, sometimes leading between separate universes... These rifts also open of their own accord from time to time, and there's a good number of people who have been displaced from their time or even their universe by unwittingly falling into one.

Every living being has a "soul" (a collection of their life energy), and through a kind of "reaching out," one can feel/taste/smell/hear/see another's soul... every soul is a bit different, so this is an easy way to identify people even from a distance!

The Earth Lunoirs once had a country where they congregated called Saluria, which was the site of a brutal multi-year war against an army of Vacares that wanted reign over Earth... Many Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs across all of Earth's history felt drawn to Saluria, often willingly or unwillingly being rifted to the time of the war to go fight in it... Some partial Lunoirs especially believed it was their sacred duty, while others believed it was a curse leading them to inevitable death... there's even whispers that Saluria itself is alive, luring in young partial and full Lunoirs out of self-preservation.. who's to say. Ultimately, the Salurian War was a victory, but not an easy one.

Lux and Zephyr are half Lunoirs (their mom being full), and Ferdinand is 3/4ths Lunoir! Alan is a bit of a weird case but functionally he's also half Lunoir :]

This is v much simplifying Years of worldbuilding ssjhdfgjks and I can FEEL I missed a bunch of stuff but it's all very very dear 2 me :]