—seaside.
Rin really was looking forward to it, you know?
Their dream. Soccer. No, Rin couldn't care less about soccer — what he cared about was brother, and being the best next to him. Next to him. By his side. He didn't care about being some best, he cared about his brother.
Fuck that. Seriously fuck that.
OR
synopsis. Rin after Sae came home from Spain, buying his old favorite ice cream, stuck in his thoughts.
warnings. swearing, a fair amount of it. angst (i guess?). character study (in-character writing), which essentially is me yapping. tw long tags because those are my footnotes. I know blue lock fans only really care for thirsts and stuff so here's rin angst ig. wc 985.
Footsteps gently thudded on the hard dirt, the sea buzzing in the distance, the occasional splash of the waves against rock, the sun beginning to set.
Rin couldn't bear to stay in his house.
(Correction: holed up in his room.) He couldn't bear the thought of staying around his brother at all. He'd grown accustomed to Sae's absence in the four years he was away — but knowing he was back, near him, in his own home just filled him with a seething rage. He left his room with scattered trophies. Maybe in the heat of the moment he broke a photo.
He just couldn't be there right now.
Rin looked down at his hands. He had twin popsicles in them. He continued to walk until he reached the railing overlooking the sea. He promptly broke them in half. He couldn't stop thinking over the fact that Sae was usually the one to — supposed to be the one to — break them in half. He stared at them with a tired expression.
He couldn't stand being here either. He couldn't stand being anywhere right now.
Rin held the one popsicle in his other hand and stuck the other in his mouth, expression blank except for the twitch of his eyebrows. No, he came out here to not think of his stupid fucking brother right now — he came out here to breathe. He came out here to get out of his room. He came out here to eat popsicles. And watch the sunset.
Rin really was looking forward to it, you know?
Their dream. Soccer. No, Rin couldn't care less about soccer — what he cared about was brother, and being the best next to him. Next to him. By his side. He didn't care about being some best, he cared about his brother.
Fuck that. Seriously fuck that.
Rin had to come to terms Sae Itoshi had lied to him. Thinking back, Sae always did talk about being the best in the world — did they even share a dream in the first place? Did Sae truly just use him as a training partner? And now — now that he was the best, was Rin simply not enough?
Rin didn't want to play soccer any more.
His grip tightened slightly on the other popsicle. Some of it melted, dripping down his hand — that'd make some mess — but Rin didn't bother to clean it up. He'd nearly finished the one he was eating, opting to take it out of his mouth and see if he had won or not. In big, bold letters, were the words 'YOU WIN' on the popsicle stick.
He always did win.
Which meant the other popsicle was the losing one. Rin still took the half-melted ice cream into his mouth, switching it out with the one he already finished eating. He had a solemn expression on his face as he pondered throwing the stick into the ocean. He just kept it in his hand and stared into the horizon.
No, it couldn't be. Why did Sae change so suddenly? Whatever he and his brother went through — all his praises and all the goals they made, the money they spent on twin popsicles, the amount of 'winner' sticks in the bottom of the ocean, sitting together, walking together, him holding onto Sae's sleeve like a stupid annoying kid, their talk just before Sae went to Spain and changed forever — they all had to have meant something. It had to have meant something.
Or maybe Sae was the weak one here. He gave up, after all, didn't he? — he changed his dream. He left Rin behind. He was just pathetic. He just wasn't the same.
Sae never really was the same when he came back.
It was like looking at someone who looked like your brother. But he wasn't. This wasn't his brother, this wasn't the boy who made his dreams, this wasn't his reason to play soccer — this was Sae Itoshi, the man who turned his life upside down, the man who crushed him, the man who shoved the cold, hard truth into his face and took away all the child-like love and respect he ever had to the only human he'd ever considered family.
Rin would never forgive him.
Why the hell did he change so suddenly?
Rin would never forgive him.
No, in fact — Rin would crush him. He wanted to crush him until he was nothing more next to him. Crush him and his cruel dream to be the best midfielder.
He'd prove he was more than some training partner. Sae wanted to be the best midfielder in the world? So that Rin could be the best striker in the world? Fucking go right ahead.
He hated he wanted to prove his brother right.
He hated him.
Rin wanted to play soccer again.
He gritted his teeth, accidentally biting on the popsicle stick too hard — the sudden spike of pain making him take it out of his mouth. He took a deep breath, scanning over the large 'YOU LOSE' in bold letters written on the popsicle stick. He held both the losing and winning sticks in one hand, turning from the railing with a deep breath. And he began to walk back home.
Rin won back his dreams again today.
Some part of him didn't have Sae Itoshi as a brother anymore. Just an adversary. Just some obstacle.
He stared at the popsicle sticks again — 'YOU WIN', and 'YOU LOSE'. He stared at them as he walked along the side of the road. Rin found himself dwelling over the losing words. Trying to feel what his brother might've felt back then. It was one of the rare time he actually got the losing popsicle. And at the same time he didn't really lose — the winning one was just in his hand as well. But he didn't truly win either.
Rin had a feeling he could only truly win or lose if he had someone to win or lose to.
But he didn't. Not anymore.
... And Rin wasn't a sentimental person at all. But for now, he decided to keep the popsicle sticks, safely tucked into his pocket, like the ghost of the past.
For old time's sake, if you will.
© reapkusho on tumblr. 2024. all rights reserved. refrain from translating, copying, or stealing in any way, etc.
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ko-fi fic uploads
hey guys, I'm going to start putting some of my new tumblr prompt fills and writing warm-ups (ficlets of 4k-6k length) up on my ko-fi!!
Monthly supporters will be able to go into the gallery tab on my ko-fi and click on an uploaded image. The title will be which tumblr-based au the ficlet fits into and how many words it is. The description beneath the image will be a quick summary of the au and a link to the google doc containing the ficlet. The "root" au post, aka the post that started the au on my blog, will be linked as well on that google doc.
This will not affect my wips and progress on them in any way! I feel like that's very important to state - I write these sorts of ficlets all the time because it helps get me in the writing mindset for writing ao3 fics. I will just be spending a little extra effort on them to put them up on ko-fi.
I will NOT be posting any ficlets on my ko-fi that you need to read to understand a fic on ao3 - that's some disney monster conglomerate kind of shit. I will also still be posting shorter ficlets (1k-3k) on tumblr as I write them, especially if I'm answering a prompt someone sent me here. Again, I think it'd be a bit of dick move to not do that
I'll try to vary which ficlets go up on ko-fi and every time I upload one, I'll make a post about which au it is as well as a link to the page in case anyone wants to, idk, unsubscribe for a month because they hate the hopeless in coruscant au, and then refollow next month because they enjoy the playmaker au etc etc
I'm definitely still trying to figure out what I want this to look like and what feels fair or reasonable, so hopefully this isn't a huge mess on my end!
All this being said:
I've posted the first ficlet/fic on ko-fi: it's for the Senator Menace AU, an au that's basically "What if phantom menace but reversed? how fucked up would anakin get over the youngling his father master died to protect?"
the first au post is here // my ko-fi is here
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