#i hope ive inspired the growth and healing that others have inspired in me

[neuroticboyfriend]

i am so glad i have fostered a following where i can make these posts that would get me metaphorically shot on sight anywhere else. we're all about radical disability advocacy over here. boot up bitch. we're making a better world one person at a time.

[dogtierz]

How would you classpect Omori characters?

IM SO GLAD I CAN TALK ABOUT THIS!!! okay i’m putting a tldr at the start but warning for long post ahead of my reasoning (this is very much so me rambling) — also apologies for answering this ask so late ive spent the last like . 4 days thinking about this

sunny: mage of void

basil: sylph of life

mari: seer of heart

kel: heir of hope

hero: page of heart

aubrey: maid of rage

explanations under the cut !!!!

starting off with sunny ofc:

im gonna be so real i do Not have an explanation of why i chose mage . it just made sense in my head !!! i think it is a fun little interesting parralel to mari having the passive version of the knowledge class,, as for aspect,, i feel like void is pretty self explanatory. idk! i dont have much to say for this one but trust me it made sense in my head,!! i would like to hear if anyone else has a sunny god tier headcanon cuz yeah this is the one i am least confident in tehe

alright basil i feel like i can answer very easily:

i’d say he is definitely a sylph — and part of this may or may not be me projecting as i am a sylph and i really relate to basil’s character ;D

sylphs at their core are a passive, creation class. i think its a given basil would play a more passive class, i cant explain it but it just objectively makes sense to me. basils whole deal is that he wants to fix things, and feels inclined to heal and go back and fix his past mistakes, making sylph pretty much a given.

i was kinda torn between choosing the life or hope aspect for basil, as both objectively make sense in canon - but i wanted to sort of limit choosing multiple of the same aspects for characters. i think the life aspect makes sense for basil more, especially due to the plant symbolism n stuffs

ANYWAY,, sylph of lives whole deal are to allow for emotional growth in other people. i think the rest of the group very much so see basil as a person to look up to, someone who always tries to see the best in things and allows and encourages others to undergo personal growth.

alright mari time:

okay mari was kind of an obvious choice for me. i think seer very much so makes sense for her character, she’s very emotionally intelligent and being the sort of leader in their group, she has a lot of knowledge and serves as someone the rest of the group looks up to.

seers are very likely to slip into depressive states and have a pessimistic outlook on things, even though mari seems very optimistic to everyone else around her, we know as an objective fact that she is an overworker, overthinker and has the tendency to slip into states of perfectionism - i guess in a sense this can be compared to rose and her tendancy to slip into unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviours too

seers are pretty much an essential for a successful sburb session - and i think this fits well with the fact that mari is an essential to the friend group.

heart is a given, i feel i dont have to explain why mari has the heart aspect — seers of hearts are a classpect who invites knowledge through heart. and again mari suits this very very much imo!

okay! kel!!

alright. classpecting kel was kinda difficult — the hope aspect was obvious but finding a class for this dude,, man,, was it hard but in the end i decided to settle on

the base definition of a heir of hope is someone who influences and inspires the hope of others - allowing change from hopeless to hopeful, this defintely applies to kel in canon.

kel is very much a hopeful optimist, his reaction to maris death compared to the others was to hide his own emotions and remain hopeful (even though he did react badly, he just repressed it), he always was the one to hold out hope that the group would get back together, be friends again and everything would be fine! he just wanted his friends to be happy and tried to turn them from hopeless and lost to hopeful! — i think this is very well shown in the church scene w aubrey and how so badly kel just ! wanted to help !! ahhhggh i love him

heir of hopes are a motivational rock to their session, which acts like how kel is to the group

also i feel like kel kind of reminds me of john a little bit - i suppose this perhaps maybe a tiny lil bit influenced my descision u_u

for hero:

i chose page of heart,, i liked having hero and mari share an aspect bc they are just . they are both so lovey and heart to me ;3; and man obviously hero would have the heart aspect, i mean, nothing else would suit his character more.

a page of heart is someone who invited exploitation through heart, the passive counterpart to the knight class. pages are a strong and smart class, as is hero. a page of heart is passionate and thinks w their heart, again, as does hero.

pages are STRONG, and i feel like hero as the ability to play a very strong and important class. hearts and pages are both prone to being sensitive people, loving, caring and i suppise charming too (again!!!! as is hero!!! :P) — also if this makes any sense to literally Anyone else,, hero kinda reminds me of jake in a sense i Cannot explain why PSNDHDJ

and lastly, aubrey

like sunny i struggled a lot classpecting her but i got there in the end and - i actually have an explanation !!!

firstly, rage being the parralel counterpart to the hope aspect (which is what i classpected kel) is very funny to me, i think in game they have a very fun relationship and exploring that through them having polar opposite aspects is silly

maids are an active creation class, aubrey creates rage as a way to deal with the grief of losing mari. i think she does this more by self destruction but she very much so also takes her anger out on others and utilising her emotions for her class is something i feel is very interesting. aubrey creates rage through herself and takes it out on those around her

thank u for reading if u read all of this.. i enjoyed v much so writing this (i wanna draw em now too -__-) + i apologise if i got anything classpecty wrong.. pls correct me if so!!

[daryljdugdale]

Africa -the hum of healing energy

Life’s curveball needs no explanation and my challenge now is to find a way to rediscover me and be fulfilled . This lead me to attend the Conscious Unity safari retreat hosted by Courtney Ward and Sally Claridge in Africa. I am so grateful to myself for being so brave to embark on such an amazing journey . I have had a holiday. I have experienced close up jungle animals and insects, I have been in the ocean swimming with dolphins. I have had sun on my face and been in a cyclone . I have fallen asleep listening to leaves rustling and the ocean waves. I have engaged in shopping for souvenirs, been out to wonderful bars for food and cocktails. However this is more than a holiday as it was a gentle and safe haven where my emotional healing and health were prioritised alongside my entertainment.

I was drawn to the fact we were going to be hosted by Courtney and Sally. They were offering a real bucket list experience in Africa with a careful planned itinerary developed by their awe inspiring wisdom of the animals and oceans. I knew also they are both experienced healers, musicians, and just fabulous beautiful women. For me both holidaying and healing isn’t something to do by yourself. I wanted to be with others as holidaying without Daryl is now hard and different. There was 11 of us on the retreat and we began as strangers but left as a close-knit, supportive community. We shared our pain, joy, wisdom and fears and then cheered each other for each individual win. I felt I had found my tribe . I felt support, empathy, and strength . We all attended for our own reasons. Two weeks of extreme physical activity was accompanied by guided meditation, mindfulness walking, massage and sound and channeling healing. This acted as gentle anchors bringing us back each day to the present moment. It’s was like pressing a pause button on chaos and allowing the gift of stillness and inner peace.

The great outdoors can heal you in powerful ways, and going on a safari engages the senses and emotions . Nights sleeping in the African jungle and being nurtured with African tales , food and fire is an amazing experience. Being transported to a luxury villa overlooking the Indian ocean and enjoying the sand beneath our feet and falling sleeping listening to the waves is magical . However being caught in a tropical cyclone plus facing fears out on a boat in huge waves awakens the endorphins. To then be rewarded with snorkelling and swimming with dolphins is a dream come true. Nature has been always my silent ally on my path to healing and the connection with the earth in Africa was tremendous. I feel blessed.

This retreat used the whole-person approach and we took care of our mind, body, and spirit as part of the healing process. The wide range of alternative treatments like massages, reflexology, sound medicine , channelling and therapeutic approaches to nutrition and energy combined with the nature meant our well-being was the focus every moment of every day. Healing is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment and I have had time to consider my values, interests, and strengths. I have found my strong core through guided exercises and self-reflection. It’s like turning the pages of my story and I can look forward to new parts where im strong, brave, and have room to grow. I like myself and want to be me not Daryl’s widow. This retreat has given me useful tools for dealing with life. I have learnt lots from animals and others, from the spirit world, from nature and from myself. I am ready to find joy again. I will take better care of myself. I want to form good habits, like being more grateful, more self compassionate and be more open to doing things that make me happy. Ive planted seeds and it’s not the end of my healing journey. This retreat was a portal to self-discovery and recovery.i have experienced healing, personal growth, and the radiant light of renewed hope. Africa I thank you ❤️

[kiwi-astrology]

Sun in the Composite Chart

The sun in a composite chart represents the ego of the connection. What is your guys goal together? Why does this connection exist?

->The composite chart works for all relationships (family members, platonic, romantic, work related, etc.). While there is potential with the energy, remember it is created mutually with time!

(ALSO! These are just my mere interpretations and observations as I have been researching/reading various com. charts of people I know!)

Aries: Aries sun in the composite chart is all about the thrill. This relationship exists because of the youthful energy you both possess when together. Your goal together is to seek fun and feel like a child again. I have noticed that this placement is found in a lot of younger siblings (with big families) or casual friends. This is a very lighthearted placement. There may be a tendency for the energy to burn out once the spontaneity ends.

Taurus: Taurus sun in the composite is all about comfort. This relationship exists to remind the parties to slow down and appreciate life. There is a very fond connection between the two, as well as mutual support. This tends to be a long lasting energy, even if people depart. These connections can become sensual as well.

Gemini: Gemini sun in the composite is all about friendship. This relationship exists because of the recognition each party has for the others quirkiness. Even in romantic relationships, this connection will be light and playful. There’s a lot of mental stimulation and exploration in these connections.

Cancer: Cancer sun in the composite is all about reassurance. This relationship exists so that both people know they have someone to protect them. There is a strong sense of comfort in cancer sun composites. The involved parties are very fond of each other and want to endlessly support each other.

Leo: Leo sun in the composite is all about the highest self. This relationship exists to boost the confidence of both individuals. With a Leo sun in the composite, the energy created is an illumination of the ego. Both people want to hype each other up and encourage growth. They want the best for each other.

Virgo: Virgo sun in the composite is all about lessons. This relationship exists to allow both parties to learn something new from each other. Ive noticed that there tends to be a comfortable distance between the two parties as they analyze each other. Nevertheless, they find the other intriguing and a topic worth exploring.

Libra: Libra sun in the composite is all about romance. This relationship exists to invite beauty and love into both parties lives. This is an ideal placement for romantic relationships, but it brings a sweetness to any connection. No matter what, both parties will always try to see the goodness in each other. They tend to be very flirty with their energy.

Scorpio: Scorpio sun in the composite is all about insight. This relationship exists to probe into the hidden areas of each other and heal. There is a raw vulnerability of Scorpio sun in the composite that brings comfort to the unknown. These people tend to share many secrets, but can sometimes keep things from each other on purpose. This occurs if one feels ‘taken advantaged’ of due to the inability to conceal darkness in these connections.

Sagittarius: Sagittarius sun in the composite is all about expansion. This relationship exists to remind the people of everything they overlook in their own life. The energy created appreciates the vibrancy of creation and new experiences. These people love to travel and try new things together. It’s an endless journey between the two.

Capricorn: Capricorn sun in the composite is all about ambition. This relationship exists to reach success and complete desired goals. These people create an energy of purpose that seeks to accomplish. This placement is very binding until both people feel that they have reached the desired goal. There are certain expectations in these relationships as they hold each other to a high standard.

Aquarius: Aquarius sun in the composite is all about acceptance. This relationship exists to express individuality and fully accept each other. There is a lot of zesty energy and the two may love to innovate/create together. There is rarely harsh judgement but rather encouragement to pursue grand visions.

Pisces: Pisces sun in the composite is all about healing. This relationship exists to ascend the parties into higher awareness. The people involved gain deeper understandings of themselves because of the other person. It’s like seeing right through any facade and nurturing the forgotten wounds. I have noticed, however, these relationships sometimes end with one person wronging or taking advantage of the other.

In the houses!

Composite sun in the first house deals with individuality. Appreciation for the others goals and egos is emphasized. Seldom do the parties attempt to change the other. This placement can sometimes indicate one person inspiring the other to create a stronger identity for themselves (if that makes sense lol).

Composite sun in the second house deals with security. There is a lot of power for one person to influence the other persons self-worth. The energy is steady and everlasting, as both people feel comfortable early on in the connection. The people involved can really raise (or hurt) each other’s self-esteem/confidence!

Composite sun in the third house deals with youth. Similar to Gemini sun in the composite, this placement is great for friendships. There’s a lot of communication and humor involved. These people don’t take each other seriously, but in the best way. I also find this placement indicates that the people involved begin to steal each other’s lingo/hobbies, it’s so cute.

Composite sun in the fourth house deals with family. This could indicate people that become apart of your family or who feel like family. Typically, these people care immensely for each other and the connection feels natural. The fourth house is the deepest part of life, so there is a chance to really open deep wounds (in a good or bad way).

Composite sun in the fifth house deals with creativity. The connections are great for working together on creative projects, or for creating fun memories. I’ve found that sometimes there’s comparison in the connection about clashing talents/egos. I’ve also found that the people appreciate the others talent. This placement reveals itself differently in all charts.

Composite sun in the sixth house deals with routine. It could be common for people to have composite sun in the sixth house to regularly see each other and work with each other. One thing I have noticed is a tendency for one person to put themselves above the other. It could also indicate one person helping another with mental or physical health.

Composite sun in the seventh house deals with lovers and enemies. This is such a powerful placement that manifests in such extreme ways. These people can almost feel like they’re supposed to be in a relationship. The people involved understand the others power and ultimately want to work with them or against them.

Composite sun in the eighth house deals with karma. There could be unexplainable reasons why you guys stay in a connection together, but you do nonetheless. This placement may indicate inheriting money from each other or feeling obligated to help one another. The people involved are probably fairly vulnerable with each other.

Composite sun in the ninth house deals with experience. The two will definitely learn a lot from each other, but especially through physical experiences! They will probably ask a lot of questions within the connection and have a goal of expanding their mind. A lot of teacher-student energy created. One person may try to get the other to do a lot of new things out of their comfort zone.

Composite sun in the tenth house deals with accomplishment. This placement is common in a lot of public/famous couples. Your guys connection will be hard to keep secret, and could involve a lot of other people. Being together may manifest an energy that boosts your own image or success. You guys may create a lot of grandiose goals together.

Composite sun in the eleventh house deals with awareness. This placement may bring many new thoughts or wishes into the pair’s life that they disregarded before. This is the one placement I couldn’t find a lot of physical examples for, which was interesting. However, expect growth with the energy of this connection and a newfound appreciation for humane and hopeful things.

Composite sun in the twelfth house deals with the subconscious. This is personally my favorite placement for the sun (in platonic & romantic relationships). A spiritual and everlasting bond ties the two together. This allows for intense healing and revaluations for both people involved. These two people tend to understand each other in a way others can’t, which is very powerful and intimidating. For the brightest planet that surrounds the ego to be placed in the darkest house that rejects ego is very symbolic and intriguing to me. This placement is definitely unforgettable. I’ve found that this placement in celebrity couples leads to a private relationship, but successful.

I hope these were insightful! I think using composite charts to see how certain relationships can work out (work, siblings, parents, friends, etc.) is really interesting! I’m not 100% good with this type of chart yet, but I have been doing a lot of research :)

[kekisu]

TOP 5 CHARAS AND 5 REASONS WHY YOU LIKE THEM GO GO GO

AHHHH OKAY OKAY. I LITERALLY LIT UP WHEN I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA THANK YOU SO MUCH ah okay. i hope its ok if i leave it to just one or two of my fav things about them though cause NFHBGDF I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MILES LONG i hope you understand!!!!!

1. LIGHT YAGAMI

now. i dont think anybodys surprised. MFKSKFMFMHNGJN honestly, though i dont care about death note much at all anymore, hes like gum stuck to my shoe and i just cannot get him off no matter what i do. i tell myself that i dont give a fuck about anything in death note until i see him on my dash and i go apeshit. hes completely changed me and how i approach analyzing complex characters. i think hes the first character that ive ever actually cared about in that sense? the sense where i look into every detail about him i mean. its really just so fun...

my absolute favorite thing about him... i really love how funny he is. this isnt to say hes a humorous guy im saying hes funny as in he makes such stupid decisions and its hilarious to see him struggle so hard constantly. the entire ending of death note is fucking insane it sends me into laughing fits every time. theres so many funny moments in death note despite it being considered a psychological horror animanga because of him being a genuine fucking idiot 24/7. hes supposed to be a genius but he truly does lack so much self awareness sometimes.

if you wanna know more of my thoughts in depth, i have an analysis of him here that you can check out :) ID LOVE FEEDBACK ON IT so if you disagree with me or have questions etc feel free to shoot an ask and ill try to answer!!!!!

2. GORO AKECHI

god... hes perfect. he and light are on the same level of favoritism for me, dont let the numbers fool you. hes hands down my absolute favorite in persona 5 and it blows my mind knowing that the majority of the fandom feels the exact opposite or are torn over him ITS ALMOST FRUSTRATING because its mostly due to the amount of misinformation/mischaracterization spread about him!!!! but no he just happens to be the best written character in that piece of shit of a game! MFDKDHNGJJ AND PERSONA FANS CANT COMPREHEND GOOD WRITING

my favorite thing about him.. i love how hes written. and i know this sounds really basic and predictable, but its the truth i just really love his growth as a character, especially in royals third semester when he gets a chance to properly shine and oh my god! did he shine! hes literally so perfect in 3rd sem

theres just something so captivating about an angry teenager who truly thinks of his life as worthless and doesnt bother making bonds with others because of it who suddenly finds himself questioning his choices of self isolation when he finally meets a group of people he can resonate with and feel seen by. a group of people who are willing to reach out and listen to him despite his past mistakes. theres just something so perfect about seeing that same angry teenager want to take his life into his own hands and strive to grow... that same angry teenager who didnt value his own life start to see meaning in things because of bonds...

i love goro so so much he makes me so emotional if it isnt obvious enough NGFHGDGBDFH I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT. i think about him healing so much.

(btw im working on an analysis for him atm thats similar to lights so! stay tuned for that dropping when its done in like a million years NFHFBGFHDBGHF)

3. AKIRA KURUSU

DAMN 2 PERSONA 5 CHARACTERS IN A ROW

OKAY SO i know Technically akira is supposed to be a blank slate silent protagonist but let me tell you THATS SO FAR FROM WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS. IM NEVER FORGIVING ATLUS FOR TRYING TO SHOVE HIM INTO THE SILENT PROTAG BOX AND NOT LETTING HIM BE HIS OWN CHARACTER! BECAUSE HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE AMAZINGGGGG ugh sorryfor caps im so fuckng mad MKDFKMGMHMGMG

it really does get on my nerves how because of atlus trying to make him a silent protag, the majority of the p5 fandom sees him as that. blank slate. nothing. when in reality he very much has a ton of spunk and id argue that hes his own character entirely if you just look a little deeper past the surface Like... its not even that hard to see personality in him. beneath the mask is literally his theme song, have you Not seen the lyrics to that? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE THEME OF THE GAME? this little dude is so traumatized and angry at those who wronged him (aka the justice system! shitty adults!) and people have the nerve to say hes the worst persona protagonist? lmfao

my favorite thing about akira is how he looks like a cat and how cocky and annoying he can be.. he is such a jokester hes the absolute dumbest. i enjoy this silly guy. *holds him under the armpits like a longcat*

4. SHIGEO KAGEYAMA

ahhh mob. he makes me do this -> :)

mp100, of course, changed my fucking life. mp100 is the reason i am the way i am and though all the characters are incredibly relatable and memorable and i cherish them so dearly, i, like most people, cherish mob the absolute most. seriously his strength really is incredible and though hes just a fictional character he is so inspiring and i wish to carry as much gentleness in my heart as he does.

im so so proud of him on his development he started off so.. i wouldnt say he was weak, but i would say that he lacked experience. he lived in his own little bubble not knowing what the world was like and throughout the story he grew to learn so much.. he learned to make such. mature decisions at such a young age. hes so so wise. hes so powerful not only because of his psychic powers but because of his compassion for others. he can befriend even the worst of people...

my favorite thing about him is his determination to become the best version of himself he can be. and also his relationship with ritsu (not me, i mean ritsu kageyama <3) i always gravitate towards siblings in fiction because im an only child and well <3 i dont experience that. so i like projecting onto them GHBFBBHFG they care so much for each other.. sniffle sniffle

5. RYO ASUKA

ok im going to be real even though im into devilman i dont have much of a reason to enjoy him this much. i just think hes hilarious and really cool and his satan form gives me gender envy. i love it when he commits random easily avoidable acts of violence for no reason at all its just because he wants to. and thats just fine. i think he can kill people and get away with it because hes ryo asuka. gay rights

[castielsbeeslippers]

Collins,Misha (2021) Some Things I Still Can't Tell You: Poems

( Review By Cilla C.)

At Heart

Somethings I still can’t tell you, a collection of poetry by Misha Collins is a pocket sized gut punch composed of honest and vulnerable poems. Mr.Collins truly makes the reader feel the weight of love , sorrow , healing and most importantly family , in a beautiful and moving showcasing of these raw emotions. Within its 129 pages it makes an immense impact on how we see those lonely , lovely and fleeting moments in his life and in turn our own.

The Center

Chapter I ‘Love poems’ : within the first three poems the tone of bittersweet love takes a hold of your heart and gives it a tight squeeze : a reminder of nostalgia, of what it’s like to fall in love and then have life happen around you, to grow older and then suddenly feel that passage of time hit you all at once. Mr.Collins’ poem ‘Leg Wrestlers’ (5) is where it starts and it fully blooms once you get to ‘Way-finding’ (37) and ‘The Center’ (38) the text comes full circle in that showcase.

Chapter II ‘Hope , Joy , Running & other good things’: in this set of poems you start to feel this sense of wonderment for life and the complexities of self reflections and growth. Starting off with small moments of motivation it slowly builds into this awestruck feeling you get when reading ‘FIRE AND WATER , Part One: Absolution’ (62). This is the poetic pinnacle of reflection and gratitude for life.

Chapter III ‘Longing, Sadness, Running & Foreboding’: starts off with the tone setting poem ‘FIRE AND WATER Part two: Pyreless’ which is a clear shift. We move from gratitude and wonder into a somber loneliness. This loneliness shows itself in isolation and a feeling of being directionless. First shown in ‘Water Break’ (69) “Why am I here? Where am I going?” It carries us from home to hotel beds while still leaving us with this sense of emptiness.

Chapter IV ‘My people(& other people): Here in this chapter there’s some curiosity , love and levity. In moments of making new bonds and realizing what others have meant to us or wondering what they possibly could’ve. Of these the one that hits me hardest is ‘Marder’ (97) a poem touching on death , and the deep bonds of friendship in a way that brings me to tears. While this section feel’s smaller its impact is not.

Chapter V ‘The parents’ : In the first few poems I feel they encompass the feeling of aging ; the good and bad that come right along with it , ‘Old Bones’ (105) gives us this sense of comfort coupled with the sadness of it and as we know with age comes expectation, the weight that a parent can put onto their child sometimes without ill intent or knowing. This is shown clearly in ‘Town Car’ (111). Having us feel that familiar pang that maybe despite all our attempts , we haven’t been good enough.

Chapter VI ‘The Kids’ :Right away the tone again shifts more towards wonder with a small hint of worry with ‘Baby Pants’ (117). Especially when it asks: “What have I missed?” This poem is also given weight by its annotation as Mr.Collins first poem. Throughout these poems you feel all the wonderment and worry of becoming a parent while still you are becoming yourself. The frustrations and fleeting moments you’ll wish to have back. ‘Present. Tense.’ (126) brings all these feelings together and crashes us back to reality. As the last sentence reads: “I wish for this” , and in the final poem it continues ‘The Last Poem’(128) asks again: “What have I missed?” As life goes on and children keep growing , it's about those moments we’ll never get back, about learning to just be present in these moments of love and hardship alike.

Something I can tell you While re-reading and going through Mr.Collins Somethings I still can’t tell you again , I can honestly say it didn’t lose any of its impact or wonder on me. To me this book has served as inspirational as well as insightful. In life we have many connections to places , people and memories that sometimes bring sorrow and loneliness with them but that in itself shows we aren’t truly alone.

Throughout this collection of poems I felt an array of emotion that left me with wonder and deep thoughts of reflection on my own life. What have I missed? And what matters most to me and who do I want to become? I have an immense appreciation for Mr.Collins not only in his writing but in his life as a father , actor and philanthropist , so for me personally these poems hit me directly in the heart.

On my first and second readings of these poems I shed many tears, some for the subject matter and others for myself. These words have affected me tremendously and I would without a moment's hesitation recommend Mr.Collins’ work to another.

[copiousthoughtvomit-blog]

Blog post. Not really sure what to write about again. Perhaps my most recent experiences? Ive met an amazing human being as of late. Though the more I think about it, I've met a lot of amazing humans lately. It starts to become more apparent when one actually pays more attention to the wonderful people who are all around us, to really engage in listening, and exploring what other people are about. So back to this person I was mentioning. For the sake of privacy i'll just fib a name. Essence, thats a fun name. So I met this person named Essence at an open mic that I went to in Pomona, and I'm really glad that for whatever reason I was able to go talk to him. Because since we've connected, we are becoming really good friends. Though friendship is built over time, Essence is actually really wise and intelligent, and really patient and kind, so because he has taught me so many cool things concepts and has brilliant ideas, our conversations are really inspiring and growth inducing. It really gives me a lot of hope at the same time because I think I've been missing this kind of companionship and camaraderie for a while now. It's really refreshing. It's strange how life works sometimes, you go through everything that you go through to get to where you're at now, and the people and experiences that you meet either along the way, or after healing and continuing to pick up your life again is a trippppp.

All a part of the process I guess.

Anyway Im really glad for these experiences because it really makes you appreciate life that much more and not skip out on smaller details in life too. Like waking up with a sense of gratitude that we are still here on planet earth and able to breathe another day, and blessed are you if you have all of your senses still, sight, smell, taste, touch, and of course mobility of all your limbs. Because to be honest how inspiring is Helen Keller she lost so many of her really important senses and still made an impact on society and especially on herself, how intense her tenacity must have been. Whatever your going through if your reading this, it gets better, but nothing is going to come whisk you away from whatever your going through until you decide yourself to lift yourself up, and take every experience that your currently feeling, or have already felt, and grow from it. I read this post before it said: Grow through what you Go through. And that really resonates with me because it took me a long time to realize this. It took a lot of extreme situations to really be thankful for all the people that make this world go round, it took a lot of loneliness to find strength in solitude. Curiosity though, I will have to say, will be one of the deciding factors on whether you really start to progress in your life or not.

I only have partial wisdom, and I cannot say that I am the most intelligent human, but having gone through extreme circumstances in my emotional and physical states, has definitely allowed me to see things in a different light as I continue to grow. Piquing my curiosity has been one of those catalysts to keep me up and passionate about living life and finding purpose, though its still a puzzle to me I hope that you may find the right path that allows you to find the curiosity that of a child again and proceed to learn about anything in life that will help you grow. Oops I went on a rant again. Is that kinda what a blog is for? Not sure.

[jesslcover]

H.E.A.L.T.H. What is it?

For many years, ive been trying to get all these beautiful inspiring stories out of my head and out into the public. I believe that I have a message and maybe my delivery is off but its there....  There is no right or wrong way to deliver a message because it truly comes down to the perception of the receiver, not you that creates the problem. If you have a message to share with the world.. share it, and if the world isn't ready, thats there issue, not yours. So here’s mine.... well a small piece of it... 

Have you ever thought about what the true definition of health is? Is the worlds definition of health congruent with your own definition? How did you come to your own way of health or do you follow others and envision yourself as them maybe when you were completely out of balance with yourself. Or did you do research on ways to quick fix your health Hit?  

There are so many ways we can view health and in each one of us, its different. Take a smoker of 30 years.....    If you or someone you know has smoked for a very long time and are thinking about quitting, you know its gonna be stressful. Even if you are 100% committed to giving up the filthy habit and saying good rides, the body and mind are going to, at some point be in stress overload. The nasty chemical of nicotine has adapted inside your body and your cells feed off of them but then ll of a sudden, you are suffocating the fuel for which stimulated the craving when they were on empty... So your brain thinks, “feed me nicotine, feed me oral fixation.” 

No patch, gum or physical ailment has ever been the true reason some someone killing the habit. The real healing and transformation comes from the energetic balance between what our mind is telling our body, and what forces surround us in our environment the controls our cravings within our body. 

For 12 years, I smoked very heavy cigarettes. Not the Light to Ultra light brands but the stuff the big boys, construction workers, mechanics, Beer Bellied red necks, used to smoke. My mom allowed me to smoke as many cigarettes as I wanted, just as long as I only smoked cigarettes and nothing else. 

In June 1999, after a car accident nearly caused my death, I was awaked into a new light and mindset. Still smoking cigarettes, going to church and attending local exercise classes, my perception to things was different.  

After 4.3 drooling months of battling a disconnect of me headspace and my Mind Body Spirit connection being in OFF mode, I was turn on with more voltage and internal power than ever before. 

In October 1999, 2.5 weeks after I was forced to drop out of high school, I was blown away that something so big, and active was living inside of my head. I asked myself, how could this tumor, be so unkind to just appear out of the blue and say, “That’s it Lady, POWER OFF.” 

I was a senior in High School, passionate about hospitality, working for Marriott hotels 23-28 hours a week in front office operations and selling shoes at Nine West 13-17 hours/week M-F. Marriot was a Fri-Sat-Sunday job with Holidays for  the additional overtime. After my accident, I lost my job at the shoe store however Marriott loved my positive energy and life force I expelled to guests while they checked in, even when I couldn't see over the front Desk front sitting in a chair from Pain. Although I felt much loved at this hotel, I would soon be discharged from here as well. 

October 24th, 1999, after my first attempt to get my GED, the equivalent to a High School Diploma, I failed. I felt horrible with my life. I had no job because of my disability, I quit high school and barely saw my friends, no driver license because they were taking from me by the State of Ohio for safety of other drivers and I was smoking 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day. How was I able to come out of this mess and go from SURVIVING to THRIVING?                           It certainly wasnt some Miracle pill or Reconstructive Surgery that changed me from the outside to inspire my inside......  It came from within me! How I looked at the physical things around me, how I gave thanks to everything, even a bird dropping its poo poo on my head while trying to sunbathe next to my neighbors pool, or having a check for $3.84 bounce over a pack of cigarettes. What taught me the greatest life comeback in these scenarios.

It was a wet and muggy Wednesday morning in October, the 27th to be exact, when my mom dreaded waking at 745am to take me to get a second opinion from a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic office near my small hometown. She had finished work at 1130pm the previous night to only arrive home around 1215am from the heavy rain that evening. My first appointment was at 830am. 

There were actually several appointments scheduled that day however my mom had to be at work by 1pm and wasnt able to take me to all of my appointments. After the first appointment, we decided to skip the potential MRI and take me to grandma’s house. 

For the next 9 months, until June, the summer of 2000, I stayed with grandma. It was a much happier place to be. Grandma had 3 fun loving dogs, a pool with a beautiful wooden deck big enough for 5-7 lawn chairs, and my aunt Kathy living within walking distance. Kathy smoked and she was more like a smoking buddy. I was able to make some money mowing yards for the neighbors and helping grandma with the house and her dogs. In June, I got my driver license back and went on a mission to find a job that would give me independence away from everyone! It was the greatest stepping stone into womanhood I could've ever taken. 

After attempting to retrieve my job with Marriott and being unsuccessful, an amusement park on the lake outside of cleveland contacted me for a summer job at one of their hotels in the park. Cedar Point is the PRIME ROLLERCOASTER park in the USA. Without hesitation, I took the job and moved 2.5 hours away in a cabin villa with 2 other girls, for the summer. 

Cutting to the chase... at the end of the summer, I felt like i was ready to go back to school and try my HSD again. It didnt take long to see that, this wasnt supposed to be the option for me. 

August 2000, just days before school was to begin, mom and I, her friend Cheryl and our long time neighbor were shopping for school supplies at our local Staples Store. Cheryl had MS and I took care of her also. Without her with us, my mom would've been in the Emergency room. 

As we were walking out of the store, I started to dauntingly walk a different direction than my mom and Cheryl. Completely disconnect from the world, my mom said she continued to yell at me but I didn't listen. Was I not listening or did I not hear her? 

In the moment when my mom gently grabbed my right shoulder to bring me toward our truck, I physically attacked her, bruised her face and she fell on the ground. Immediately she got back up and “started calling me names”, Cheryl said. Before we got to the truck, I came out of this brain freeze and began to ask my mom “Oh My God, what happened to you?” 

You can imagine my mom’s confusion, frustration and contemplation as to why I seemed to disillusioned to the event. This object in my brain was moving again and this time caused a disconnect that changed my life traumatically, with myself and my mother. 

A week before my Mom’s birthday, September 4, school had only jut begun and I was doing good until the long 3 days weekend for Labor Day. Labor day is the 1st Monday in September and my mom’s birthday happened to fall on that day however our doctors office was closed. 

The very next day, with a luck of the draw, Dr Angerman, who I saw the previous years, had a slot open at 9am which my mom booked me without question. The findings were what had been daunting me for more than 15 months. 

Ganglioglioma is low-grade tumor of mixed cell type. It is a type of brain tumor that contains properties of both glial cells (responsible for providing the structural support of the central nervous system) and neuronal cells (the functioning component of the central nervous system). It is very rare!! Being rare was one thing but with the location being life threatening inoperable, my mom burst into tears with fears of what to do with me. 

My Ganglioglioma treatments included:               Neurosurgery – to remove as much of the tumor as safely possible; surgery is often limited due to the deep, central placement of these tumors within the brain                                                                                                     Chemotherapy – either before surgery to shrink the tumor or to kill cancer cells 

Radiation therapy – precisely targeted treatment to control local growth of tumors; not recommended unless the child’s tumor has re-grown due to potential long-term side effects of therapy.

Cleveland Clinic has some of the most highly acclaimed doctors and surgeons in the world. They are one of the best trusted hospital resources for Neurological, Cardiac and Pulmonary operations. With a higher success rate than any other hospital affiliation on the entire planet, Dr Angerman relaxed my mom and assured her that I was in heaven’s hands.  On March 12th, 2001, I became a successful survivor of this rare scare of a brain tumor however the end wasn’t close yet. 

After 3 days, I was released from Cleveland Clinic Neurosurgery in Cleveland, Ohio, with 100% full confidence by Neurosurgeon Dr. Morris, that I would recover with no problems. March 16th, while at my grandmothers house, I had a stroke. I was paralyzed on the entire left side of my body for 6 weeks until April 29th 2001...... 

Dr Morris did an amazing job at my surgery and was the first person and step that gave me internal hope that led to my wellness path to what I call HEALTH however, it was the energy practices of Yoga& Pranayama, which no one in my red neck town had ever heard of), Mindfulness, Chiropractic, proper nutrition and guided imagery that allowed me to transform my mind, come back in tune with my body and provide positive feedback that would change my life, inside and out, forever. 

It’s now 18.5 years later, Aug 2019, and my passion for helping people, inspiring wellness and Mind Body Medicine to everyone I meet, especially as a career, gains excitement everyday! My true meaning of HEALTH is Holistic Enhancements Aspiring Longevity Tranquility & Happiness. Because true health starts with me, not with money, a beautiful BMW, fancy vacations or diamonds... It starts at the HEART... tap deep within and you will win.... no matter what you are going through!

When we live life in a state of our own positive definition of HEALTH, whatever it may be, we are creating an art that is unique to us and us only, but its from the heart. Learn to BREATHE... and used the same formula components(letters) to BE HEART! 

Sorry for any typos...

Namaste, Good Night friends. 

[heartsymbol]

inspire, flourish, presume, connect, heal, forecast, foresee, foreshadow, foretell, discover, and positive vibes

YOU SENT ME so many asks god damn…. okay. well. here we go

inspire - who is someone who made this past year better?ALL MY FRIENDS IVE MADE THIS YEAR……. u all know who u are!!! my friends really contributed to my growth, my confidence….. u guys really helped me w so much. and i am always, always grateful

flourish - in what ways have you grown as a better person this year? i’ve learnt to prioritise myself, even if it’s just a lil bit more. i’ve learnt how to be more open, more understanding, to make effort into being held accountable for my actions, my deepest insecurities… i’ve learnt a lot of abt myself in 2017

presume - what is something you expected to happen this year, but didn’t? i expected to have a greater final score for school but didn’t T__T, i expected to at least date one person last year…….. and hmm. that’s all i can think of

connect - who is someone new you met this year that you wouldn’t be the same without?refer to the first answer :/// no but really my friends… really helped me a lot. with so many things, all of u have taught me something, even if u haven’t realised…. i love all of you with all my heart!

heal - name 5 ways you are going to make next year better.1. i’m going to prioritise myself 2. i’m gonna be honest to people, as much as i’m able to3. i’m going to celebrate myself more and to realise the progress i’ve made. 4. i’m not going to beat myself up for things i know i would never be angry at other people for5. i’m going to be mindful of how i look at others and ask myself if it’s coming from my own insecurities.

forecast - in 3 months i will be… i don’t like predicting my own future…… bc the Evil Eye is fuckn Real. but one thing is for sure that i’ll be an adult…. putting the 18 in 2018

foresee - in 6 months i will be…i’ll be…… idk. gay

foreshadow - in 9 months i will be…u really want me to predict my own future huh

foretell - this time next year i will be…it’s already 2018 where i am. but i hope i’m in a good place

discover - what are 5 things you’ve learned about yourself or life as a whole this year?1. how i see myself and how i value myself is intertwined with what other people think of me. i’m trying to learn that what people think is not a reflection of myself.2. you should trust the people around you, esp those who are closer to you, more. it’s easy to expect the worse from people, it’s the way your mind protects yourself for danger, but it’s important to keep in mind that those you love, and those who love you in return are their own people, and that they exist outside of ur own feelings and insecurities, outside of your own perception of things3. continuing of my 2nd point, feelings aren’t fact. it may feel like it bc ur feelings are overwhelming but you need to consider other perspectives. take a step back and evaluate yourself and ur situation. a “lack of feeling” can also be misleading too. 4. you can’t fix everybody, even if u want people to realise their mistakes and change, that’s something they’ll have to figure out on their own. you are not responsible for any other life but ur own. all you can do is communicate concerns with other people, if they don’t make effort to change, it’s on them. don’t feel guilty for “not doing more” you’ve done enough.5. life is about discovering yourself through experiences and connections, and it takes time to realise parts of yourself, let alone ur whole identity. you shouldn’t compare yourself to others in terms of “how far ahead they are”. they’re on a completely different path that start with. no life is comparable to yours. don’t use it as a means to beat yourself for what u don’t have in comparison to others. we’re all growing, and i promise you you’re doing great so far

positive vibes - you’ve made it through another year! i’m so proud of you and my year wouldn’t have been the same without you. james i would die for you did u Know?

[tillymint7]

Jorge Menna Barretto 🌟🌎

#Just notes for now #

From Brazil artist and a scholar

Moving to Liverpool in April 🤗

Jorge will be in Liverpool Biennial July 2020

One foot in each practice they feed each other

Project with the uni linked with the biennial

2014 started sites specific art practice

Sites shape the art

Linking food production to land sculptures

Look at the park around the biennial through the eyes of our digestive systems look at the plants that are edibles plantine

Site specific smoothies environmental sculpture

Food being a mediator in relation to society

2016 32nd biennial

Food forests - agroforestry - regeneration of land

Huge problem concrete and brass building further away from the forest

How can we talk about forest in a place that is so remote and far removed from it

Spiral jetty - 1970 Robert Smithson

Distance was part of the work it was not meant to be visited - articulated the distance

Took advantage of the distance - film writing drawing not documental approach all part of the work evolve from one system.

Knowing the work doesn’t mean you saw it.

Not sure what shape his art would take suggesting a moment of doubt - interesting state. Let the site determine his work - has an image. Like installationart

Considering the space as a blank space or blank canvas let the site determine his work be receptive to the space let the site make suggestions making it a collaborative works between him and the site, taking elements from the site itself

Ecological implications to it

1969 Sundo Myed ??

In Brazil site specific this was also happening. Determine by the sounds listening in an extended sense

President has caused issue - why rain forest fires where happening - related to agriculture 90% of deforestation caused by agriculture.

Artist is now informed humans transformative ability of the landscape.

What we eat effects the shape of the landscape where we live.

Our digestive systems as a sculpting tool

Environmental sculpture

Food forest in Brazil exact opposite of the monoculture anything that is not crop/sugar cane

Natural succession- moss weeds minerals bushes, fruit, flowers, insects, birds, seed and trees forest making mechanisms it happens 247 easy to spot it the city budliers

Monoculture is trying to stop that from happening by just producing one species through machines and pesticides

Food forest feeds natural succession

Farmer creates light in a way of pruning sculpturing the plant to sculpture light creating growth excellent

Today amazon forest is more of a food forest than much more than an environment of nature

Site not site

Food is imprinted in the site

The pavilion served food from the food forest people eat the food produced in the forest

Tells you the story of the environment. It tells your body the story of complexity the food tells your cells about complexity.

Restaurants can be a place for resting also. Galleries can be tiring they are that rest place.

Restaurant is the interval to the show, no text no pictures and no explanation.

The food would be the protagonist some people would go to the restaurant and not know that they were part of the work until the work was published

Restauro - restoration you can also regenerate the environment by going to the restaurant. Worked with small farms who worked with Afro forestry. Your vision can not travel more than a few meters very dense sound scape - even through we were visiting food forest

Also recorded soundscape of the monoculture very quite no life no sounds.

Collective table, furniture inspired by the forest using layers like the forest.

Soundscapes could be listened too the farmers were interviewed in the farms so their voice was part of the soundscape

Food site specific

Fixed menu didn’t have a fixed menu bring what you have and we will make food from what you bring crops determined the menu

Very flexible and creative f

Landscape jar inspired by the forest

Farmers visited by the farmers

7 types of bananas

Listening as an engaging activity. State of vulnerability

Keep the works Portuguese take 3 “enters out of sculpture you get listening

Translation into English when Brazil was ‘discovered’ people already living there not discovered.

No animals accustom to live with man. They are in better condition than we are for all the wheat and vegetables we eat.

Based their food without domesticating animals to eat.

Even though it is considered a highly sufficient Ed way to each England was a forest island and we can eat from our natural forest 🌳

Unruly edges describing what plantations are and what monocultures are.

Plantations created industry deepen domestication they remove the love from

Plants and places Labour was forced through Slavery and control. We see this as the only way to produce crops but people were alienated from crops and this was taken from granted.

Visited a banana plantations one species of banana heroic conquering of his space.

He had an orchard he said his family ‘a yellow smile’ only eat from his orchard.

Food was product but family were protected from the sprayed bananas

I’m concerned about these issues.

Urgent image

Funny and complaining about the restaurant

People could get more information from the project from the people in the tea - shirts

Art helped people’s health

On a need to know them -

Your our digestive enzymes - not force feed

Smithson definitely an influence with a known site

Systemic thinking

Where is the art in this thing

People thought it was the displayed food but not the whole thing

Liverpool - plantations where the engine Liverpool part of the problem helped spread monoculture and plantation agriculture

Still today Soya bean enters Liverpool from

brazil

The forest and Liverpool are connected etimology of the word forest

forest out there away somewhere

Transcreation melonclically referring back site specific and time specific

Explore possibility a lot held back discourse research- time and space to give people the information letter

Joey partner graphic design- living in the Netherlands 🇳🇱

3 sites of surface - earth, table, page

Page as a landscape - place to be cultivated graphic experimentations

Very disappointed with ourselves that involves farmers 3 months is not long enough approach this project with decades in mind not to see the exhibition as a goal

Enzyme magazine - table page landscape

2nd end of march

3rd Liverpool

Collaborative group launched at the end of the biennial

Break down the work expand that cab happen on the page

One issue here

4 next issues align

2 1/2 hectors - window of biodiversity

Worked at an engo before becoming a farmer - teaching them to use pesticides Kenya

Mountain 🏔 in Kenya so interesting when he gets there full of food.

Came back to the Netherlands quit job bought land which is very expensive first food forest

Visited food forest working with restaurant in Netherlands

Gay couple concerned farmers in Brazil very right wing farmers

Man in Netherlands also gay relieved. 💓

He is vegan 2012 hard to be vegan hard to be different through deconstruction of prejudice

Vander Nashiba - environmental activist

Monoculture of the mind - how we see the world

Artist and educators

Diversity of thinking

Creating food forests for the mind

Biodiversity as an adverb

Art is a great plant form to start that

Art is never right or wrong

Selection processes who’s better who’s not

Goes against the normal channels

Hiding let him receive honest criticism behind the counter listening first hand to complaints

Strategy of invisibility

Playing against the normal this is my art on a plinth I’m

A genius ☺️

Art school taught radical thinkers

Speak about my influences etimology related to influenza contaminated by other artists trying to get it out of our system still trying to engage in a dialogue somehow.

In Rio men wearing a suite 40degree whether colonial thought imposed Portuguese

Glass is not really needed in Portugal it is too hot air conditioning bill tripe

Colonialism is the opposite

Denaturalise the use of things

DNA totally colonised

State of doubt is constant

Choose right or left

No right or wrong

Teach at an art school

Traditional art school

How does your practice fit

I do sculpture as an artist

We do use more autonomous objects but I do use site specific

Mark Wright - Stop flying - we are alway flying in our minds ☺️

We have to fit specifics as a teacher you can bring a certain spice as a teacher

When I’m a teacher I’m a teacher

My thoughts 💭

Jorge lecture was so amazing! This idea that we could heal the planet by reviving food forest is so fascinating. It reminded me of how Iv always had an interest in the industrial hinterland when you see nature breaking through the cracks, it’s like Mother Nature is reclaiming all the neglected spaces. If only we would let her heal and reclaim more of what we’ve stolen.

I had a one to one with Jorge after the Q&A both of which were so engaging. I loved this new idea he has to take his work further because the subject matter is such an important issue he feels it should last years or even decades! Let’s just hope our species has decades left. Maybe this project will help highlight our need for a more sustainable way of farming.

When he spoke about his Restauro installation, I love the fact that he used so many different elements in order to create connections. The sounds of the food forest, the monoculture and the farmers, the restaurant furniture, farmers supply, the naturally grown foods and the unknowing viewer are all part of his art work, but that being said I really respected the fact that Jorge saw the issue as much bigger than his art work and definitely much bigger than any exhibition! This issue itself is so important to all of us and is integral to our survival as a species. I can see how he must be struggling to give the project the amount of attention it so rightly deserves.

Jorge wanted to be anonymous in his own installation. I love this idea of collecting honest feed back from viewer its definitely an important part of Jorges work. The viewers digestive systems are part of his work much like our digestive systems sculpt the land. Jorge actually had a profound affect on his viewers digestive systems improving their bowl function, which shows us how important it is to eat local naturally grown foods, it leads to happy guts. Maybe not happy participators but a faster functioning bowl is good for your health.

We discussed how nature is always giving us a helping hand. Antidotes and poisons always grown near by each other. I always say Mother Nature is trying to help us. Unfortunately we are still not listening hard enough and putting enough into action. The planet will recover but its the human race that will not survive if we don’t act.

His inspiration of three Spiral Jetty by Robert Smithson is definitely a piece that has intrigued me personally this idea that you let the site dictate the outcome of your art is something I have experienced with being an installation artist. I had to find the perfect available space in a short amount of time and only then could I create my final outcome the space dictate how it looked and in the end there were so many elements that added to my work it becoame perfect in its placement and naturally evolved on its own much like Smithson and Jorge’s work this site specific art work can be exciting and inspiring to let the control go and hand it over to its environment. Installation art works have been such a draw to me as an artist and I know listening to Jorge has really helped me look further at my own work next year.

We spoke in the one to one about layers. I use layers a lot within my work after a discussion with Rory I realised my work always involved time and a journey somehow. So when I was taking with Jorge we discussed how he was looking at earth, table and page. He seemed to really love my videos with layered footage and my prints, which was such a massive compliment, but he also seemed interested in seeing my installation which unfortunately is no longer showing. I would like to redo it though on a larger scale one day just like Jorge says the issue of our environment is such a important subject. I feel it can never be over done or highlighted enough.

Jorge excitingly also talked about a magazine he is launching and he wants Liverpool and our university to be part of the 3rd edition, I’m not great at writing so I’m not sure I would be a good candidate for this, but it would be wonderful to be involved somehow.

Jorges lecture also helped me to understand the Biennal 2020 theme so much more. I did attend both the LJMU talk and the Medical Institute talk in October, but there was still very much an element of uncertainty and also their language was so academic at times that is was hard to follow. So thank you Jorge 🙏🙏 now I understand it better the idea makes much more sense.

Im really look forward to seeing Jorge again in April, we also discussed my community project, which he seemed intrigued by. It made me realise no matter how I do this semester I have learned so much. I also have so many exciting projects in mind for next semester, but for now I’m going to enjoy my Christmas break with my family.

[cloudkiano]

for the two beautiful people that kept me going....

Kiara & Gino

I won’t deny the beautiful and unique chemistry that you two have together. The kilig I feel whenever you two interacts. I’ve supported a lot of ships, some have sadly sunken and some also happily sailed. But this time is different. You two are different. I am not just here for the kilig but I am here for the wisdom you’ve shared. This is the first time that people that I just watched from the screens, touched my heart and change my perspectives in life.

It was those times wherein there is sooo much negativity in my mind, where I couldn’t find something that I would look up to everyday. Times that I have no more hope for the future because I feel like no matter how hard I work, there is nothing to work out. That things that I expect to happen, doesn’t happen. That there won’t be a chance for me to live a life full of contentment & happiness because everything I do, no matter how beautiful & positively started it, would end up badly & something goes wrong. That no one would ever love me, no one would appreciate the person I am.

But as I came across your videos inside BNK, i found a little happiness watching your kilig moments. With Gino’s actions, I was captivated by how he respects Kiara and how genuine he is for the girl he admires. That’s when I appreciated and realized that “CONNECTION” between two people is what matters and that I need it to in my life. His ligaw, confessions & the way he talks to Kuya about Kiara are few of the things that captured my heart. Through the TV screen, you could see his genuine heart for Kiara, his reactions whenever Kiara is mentioned, all of that speaks for his heart. But aside from that, his soft heart for his family, the ways he cares for his sisters, the way he cried after knowing that his father is proud of him made my heart soft as well. His humbleness, and willingness to help those who are in need, his programs, advocacies made me love him more. It’s true that I lost hope for the ligaw culture in our country, and I see boys as people that doesn’t care much about their family or parents once they reach adulthood (based on my experiences with people), and I see rich people as the ones who doesn’t care for those in need & that just get rich and rich. I’m sure, alot of us lowkey felt that way, it was already in our minds and perspective in life thats its supposed to be that way. And maybe that’s why we we’re so amazed and captivated with Gino because he proved our perspectives wrong, we think that he is different. He made us believe the boys that we thought only exists in books or movies, also exists in real life. Gonzalo Roque IV showed us his kind, soft, & genuine heart and mind that is not what we expected basing on what status & profession he projects to us.

Kiara, the brave, strong & independent woman. With what she shared with us, the struggles, the hardships she encountered. The pain she felt, and how she fought alone & silently while growing up. I was always amazed by how she stood strong and remained positive. She never forgets to remind people around her to be positive, to just keep fighting whatever challenges the world throws to us, and to never lose faith in God. For years of struggling alone, I started to grew tired of fighting but because of her, looking at Kiara right now and how blessed she is, seeing lots of blessings coming for her right now, I had HOPE in life again. I believed once again that I would have my time, everything will fall into place and I would also get the beautiful things that I deserve if I don’t give up, and keep a positive mind. Because of Kiara, i believed that there is HOPE in my life no matter how blurry it is right now. Kiara touched my heart, I really feel connected to her, she is an inspiration to me. And like what she prayed for when she is inside the house, ‘to inspire people’, that is now a new goal in my life. Her journey is really inspirational, and she truly deserves every blessings she have and will have right now. And one day, when all is in place for me, I would never forget to thank you Kiara, because right now, I am living by the words you shared through your journey. “Whatever happens, happens.” “No expectations, appreciate everything.” “Be the best to attract the best”

Kiara & Gino, I can’t thank you enough for saving me when I was so lost, when I was so down, when I had no more hope for the better. I found happiness because of the both of you. I found the inspirations that I need to live again without emptiness. Ofcourse I am always grateful to God that sent the both of you to as instruments to remind me to keep living, that everything will get better and that I am deeply guided. The both of you are blessings to me and I love you both sooo very much. I never thought that two celebrities would touch my heart and would be very relevant in my life. You guys are a big part of my healing and growth. I haven’t met you yet, I am a silent supporter behind the screens of our gadgets but I feel a deep connection with both of you and one day, i know that we would meet and I would also inspire and touch the hearts of other people like what you did to me. I deeply love the both of you and I promise to support you on you journey together as KiaNo and also individually as Kiara & Gino. ✨🥺

[ra-veela-claw]

Devotion (Part V)

Part V yayyyy!  Again, the character of Cassandra inspired by the lovely @seriouslyblacklikemysoul ❤️  A little more heartache in this one...BUT HANG IN THERE IT’LL GET BETTER!  Thanks for reading!

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Remus woke with a start, only to find the beds around him empty and dim sunlight trickling through the windows.  His bedside clock indicated it was just before four in the afternoon, and the lanky boy sat upright to rub his eyes and ensure they weren’t playing tricks on him.

I’ve slept near through the entire day.

He ran a hand through his tousled hair and searched the room with his adjusting eyes.  Eyebrows furrowed, he remembered the fair girl he’d fallen asleep next to.

I’m sure she’s gone to class…she’s probably done at this point, you lazy dog.

Remus smiled to himself as he thought of Aileen, just before Sirius entered the room in a flurry of his regular flamboyance.

“Oy!  You finally up then, Moony?” Sirius smirked and strode towards his friend.  Remus’s eyebrows raised and he gave a small smile, trying hard not to roll his eyes.

“I’m up, I’m up,” he chuckled as Sirius plopped at the foot of Remus’s bed.

“’Bout time,” Sirius scoffed and laid back, hands behind his head.  “How are you feeling, mate?”  

Sirius looked to the scarred boy, who nodded thoughtfully.

“I’m alright I suppose…no worse than usual.  Aileen actually stayed a bit this morning to help…she fixed my lip,” his fingertips ghosted over his lower lip and his cheeks flushed.  Sirius swallowed.

“Ah yes…I’ve heard she’s quite good with healing charms, that one,” he droned absentmindedly.  Remus rolled his eyes.

“I told you that, Padfoot.” Sirius couldn’t help but grin and shrug.

“I hear a lot of things, Moony.”  The two chuckled together before settling into a brief silence.

“Ehm…speaking of Aileen,” Sirius began unsurely, though he tried hard to keep his voice level and nonchalant.  Remus chewed on the inside of his cheek.

“…suppose I’ll just come right out with it: do you like her, mate?”  from his reclined position at Remus’s feet, Sirius looked up to Remus in time to see the heat rising to his cheeks.  Remus coughed and looked away.

“Of course I like her, she’s a wonderful friend.  Especially now that she knows everything…I owe a lot to her,” he said quickly.  Sirius pursed his lips and sat up.

“Moony…you know what I mean.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably before meeting Sirius’s steady gaze.  Sirius offered a small, reassuring smile.

“Well…I don’t know, Sirius.  She’s amazing…” Remus sighed.  “She’s intelligent, she’s patient, she’s caring…and what’s more, she accepts me and devoted her time to help me recover.”

Sirius was nodding.

“And she’s beautiful, of course,” Remus continued to blush but fell silent for a moment.  Although Sirius mirrored his feelings towards the girl exactly, he remained quiet and willing to listen.

“I know you like her though, Padfoot.”

Sirius’s eyes snapped to Remus.  He cleared his throat uncomfortably and ran a hand through his dark locks.

“Don’t be silly…she had only been waiting for you to come back last night. I was only keeping her company,” he said softer, eyebrows knit together as he stared back down into his hands. Remus stared down as well and spoke steadily, his heart aching with every word.  His own acceptance surprised him.

“You don’t think I see the way you look at her every time she walks by?  And when she speaks?” he explained.  Sirius now stared at his friend.

“It’s…well it’s the same way I must look at her.  And I think a great deal of her,” he continued, saying the last part slowly and quite calculated, blushing to no end.  Though the ache in his heart ran deeper, the love he held for his best friend overshadowed any pain.

“But who am I kidding, Padfoot?  I’m her friend, and I know I’ll never be anything more than that.  I don’t know why I even try to indulge myself, especially when I see the way she looks at you too.”

Sirius bristled.

“Don’t say that-“ he nearly snapped, not liking at all how his friend was speaking of himself.  “I hardly know her that well, mate.  Not like you.”

Remus shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Sirius was quiet and sat looking puzzled and perplexed.  He knew Remus was hurting; he could see it in the boy’s eyes. His own heart beat uncontrollably for his friend.

“Remus, I don’t want you to-“

Remus waved him off, offering a small smile.

“You should go see her.  I’m sure she’s wondering where you went this morning.”

Sirius was practically stunned, his throat was dry.  Trying desperately not to make his friend feel anything but content, Remus reached to ruffle Sirius’s hair, prompting a small smirk to break into Sirius’s features.

“Don’t touch the hair, mate,” he chuckled and took the lanky boy into a chokehold, messing his hair hoping for a laugh.  

Remus’s laugh rang true, though quiet, as the boys poked fun at each other.

“Merlin, it’s about dinner time, yeah?  Let’s get some food in ya, mate,” Sirius stood, trying to shake the uncomfortable feeling out of the air.  Remus gave a genuine, toothy grin and nodded.

“You go on, then.  I think I’d like a shower first.  Meet you all down there?”  He stood, pulling his shirt over his head.  Sirius nodded.

“Suit yourself then.”

Without another word, he chuckled and slipped out of the room.  Remus shook his head.

“By the way!”  Sirius poked his head back in as Remus unzipped his trousers.  He blushed as Sirius smirked.  “Nice abs.”

Remus chuckled as the door shut finally.  He smiled quietly to himself as he undressed, pushing the many nagging feelings of uncertainty and sadness deep into his subconscious.

The soft glow of the lonely, waning moon shone against the deep chocolate color of Cassandra’s hair as she leaned against the railing of the astronomy tower. She looked thoughtfully to the heavens above, and breathed in deeply the sweet, cool scent of the spring night. The book tucked in her arms seemed to call to her and she happily obliged to its wishes, sinking down against the railing and thumbing to her favorite excerpt.

Life seemed simpler this way, easier, as she relished in her solitary learning and growth.  Still, as she read on, she couldn’t shake the quiet, nagging loneliness of these nights. Cassandra so wished she had someone to share in her daydreams, her endless, mindless thoughts.

As she flipped the page of her book, she sighed.

“Is someone up here?” a hoarse voice called unsurely.  Cassandra started a bit, clutching the book to her chest. Her hazel eyes were wide.

“Y-yes sorry,” she piped, clearing her throat.

Remus, lost in the thoughts which threatened to consume him altogether with heartache, breathed a welcoming sigh of relief at the sound of the familiar lyrical voice.

“Is that you, Cassie?” the lanky boy smiled softly and stepped from the spiral staircase into view.  Cassandra’s fairy-like features broke into a kind smile, and her heart positively fluttered.

“Oh, hello Remus,” she chimed.  “A bit late to be wandering the castle, isn’t it?”

Remus sniffed a laugh and sunk down against the railing beside her.

“Suppose I could say the same to you,” he shrugged and grinned at the petite girl.

“Suppose you could,” she giggled quietly.  As the two looked to the stars, Cassandra couldn’t help but sense Remus’s tension.  He tapped his foot and wrung his hands, his mind obviously preoccupied.  She quirked her head.

“What brings you to the lonely peoples’ hideout?” she mused curiously. Remus gave a small smirk and chuckled.

“To be frank, I’m not sure.  I thought I could do well with some air,” he leaned back on his hands, looking rather exhausted despite the 12 hours of sleep he’d gotten.  

“Head needed some clearing after…well,” he looked to Cassandra who was watching him intently.  He continued: “Just some girl stuff I guess.”

Cassandra almost immediately jut in:

“You mean about Aileen?” she bit her lip.  Remus’s eyebrows shot up and he looked to her, surprised.

“Yes actually…how did you-?”  He suddenly blushed and he got quieter, looking away.  “Has Sirius said something?”

Cassandra’s heart ached, fearing she hit a deeper nerve.

“Oh, no no Remus.  I just…” she searched for cohesive words.  “I suppose I’m good at reading people, reading relationships.”

It was her turn to blush.

“I hope I’m not being intrusive, I apologize…I just have seen how you interact with Aileen, how you seem to see something more when you look in her eyes,” her voice got quieter as she wished he would see the same in her eyes.  Remus sighed.

“It’s alright, Cassie…there’s no need to apologize.  You are very intuitive, I’ll give you that though,” Remus smiled into his lap and opened up a bit more.

“I know she doesn’t feel the way I do…I know she fancies Sirius.”

Cassandra smiled softly, sympathetically and hesitantly reached to put a hand against his shoulder.

“She does love you though, I hope you know,” she said softly.  “Aileen will always be on your side…she’ll be your biggest supporter, caregiver, and your fiercest friend.  I know from experience.”

Remus nodded and seemed to almost relax under Cassandra’s slight touch.

“I know…she’s my best friend.  And so is Sirius…I love them both too much to risk making either of them unhappy,” he vowed, staring up at the moon that so often plagued him.

Cassandra nodded knowingly and felt a small spark of hope.

“You are incredibly devoted to your friends, Remus…that’s something truly admirable, and you should be proud of that,” she expressed genuinely.  Remus’s mouth turned upward ever so slightly at the corners and he nodded.

“Thank you, Cassie,” he murmured gratefully.  Though no words could completely console his aching heart, he found Cassandra’s willingness to listen quite comforting.  This enchanting girl made the pain he harbored feel less of a burden, to his relief and surprise.

Cassandra smiled and looked to the moon with him.

“Beautiful…isn’t it?”

Remus pursed his lips and glanced at Cassandra and the way the light shone off her bright hazel eyes.  He nodded.

“It is.”

[ladynoblesong]

Heathens (Take It Slow) - Chapter 4

Hullo folks!

Millions of thank-yous to the sweet souls who left kudos & comments on this story; you're all absolute peaches!

Extra squishes to @alextriestodrawhatever​ and @feoplepeel​, for always being so kind and encouraging- I love you guys!

Chapter 4 is inspired by 'The Panic in Me' by Elton John; I hope you enjoy it! Besides, I highly recommend checking out the song if you don't know it yet- I find it lovely.

Warm hugs to each and every one of you, Wil. ♥

PS: Despite a rather insane schedule, I'm hoping to write and publish more for this pairing - let me know if there's anything in particular you'd like to read! ☺

Disclaimer: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling; I’m just borrowing them.

Pairing: Credence Barebone/Original Percival Graves

Rating: T

Words: 1988

Chapter: 4/4

Summary:  They had one thing in common, at the very least: neither of them could bear to look at that face anymore. - Perhaps, against all odds, they could help each other heal.

(ao3)(ff.net)

HEATHENS (TAKE IT SLOW)

Part IV

In the trials of the present, no matter how low,

You bring me such peace, and you won't let me go.

For when you are laughing, like silver, like rain—

You cool me, you soothe me, and love me again.

For a few perfect hours, the world lets me be,

You know how to break down—

The panic in me.

The Panic in Me – Elton John

Credence sank to his knees before his sister’s corpse, a hollow wail rising steadily from his throat. Tendrils of smoke and dark flesh began swirling around his head, slow and predatory.

‘Credence,’ Percival whispered, taking a step back despite himself.

Modesty’s body dissolved into the air, promptly replaced by Queenie’s thin figure, a halo of honey blonde curls spread around her head.

‘Credence—it’s not real.’

The young man didn’t look up. His pupils were blown, fixed on the bodies morphing endlessly before him.

Jacob. Tina. Newt.

Soon, Percival found himself staring at his own corpse. On the side of his face, the skin was blemished and shattered—the mark of an Obscurus.

Credence – or rather, the thing inside him – let out a howl of pain.

Graves could only watch, transfixed, as the boy dragged himself to the corpse that wasn’t one, cupping the side of its head with trembling fingers, pressing his forehead against its brow.

Credence’s head snapped up suddenly, and when he glared at Percival, there was raw hatred simmering in his eyes, just under the surface of his tears.

He had seen all of this before, Graves realised with dread.

The boy kept on staring at him in silence, waiting for Grindelwald to stare back.

‘Credence,’ he tried again, as softly as he could muster.

The boy’s body was growing less substantial by the minute, retracting behind the dark volutes of smoke slowly closing in on him.

Percival realised he was afraid—not of Credence, but for him. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest and, for a moment, he remembered why it had always been easier not to care.

(In any case, it was certainly too late for that now.)

He crouched down before the remnants of Credence’s corporeal form, unsure of which course of action to adopt. He who had always taken pride in his proficiency under pressure, now found himself at an utter and undeniable loss.

He fought the urge to move closer, Newt’s distant words echoing in his mind.

Stay away. Don’t let him see you as a threat.  

Percival complied.

Words help, Tina had mentioned one night, as he pressed her for more information on the months Grindelwald had taken from him. He listens.

Percival had never been a man of many words, that much he knew. However, the stakes were too high for him not to try.

‘Credence,’ Graves said once more, the name starting to sound foreign as it rolled off his tongue. ‘This isn’t real. None of it is.’

To prove his point, he discarded the boggart with a flick of his wand. The boy’s eyes only narrowed further.

‘Everyone is safe, Credence,’ Graves insisted. ‘Modesty, Newt, Tina—they’re all safe. You didn’t hurt anyone.’

At these words, the low growl of the Obscurus seemed to halt, just for a second.

‘You didn’t hurt anyone,’ Percival repeated, softer still. ‘It’s alright, Credence—you’re alright. I’ve got you.’

Credence remained silent, curling a little tighter upon himself. His Obscurus had grown to fill the entire room.

‘The pain won’t last, I promise. Just keep breathing,’ Percival lulled.  ‘I’m right here with you—I’ve got you.’

In the back of his mind, Graves couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t doing more harm than good. No matter how gentle and soothing he wished his words to be—when they left his mouth, they all rang like orders.

Even then, he kept on trying.

‘You’re strong, Credence; don’t let it take you.’

Did he sound like him?

(What would he have said?)

Graves wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Something warm and wet rolled along his cheek, taking him aback slightly.

The only other time he could remember crying had been with Grindelwald, after the curses – and the words – had become too much to endure.

Suddenly, Credence let out a sound that was halfway between a sob and a groan, snapping Percival out of his trance.

There had to be something more he could do.

_____

Wittingly refusing to think of the many ways this could possibly go wrong, he reached for Credence – or rather, what was left of him – his hands coming to cup the boy’s sharp cheekbones with infinite care.

There was very little flesh left to grasp, Graves noted with apprehension. However, the mere contact of Credence’s skin against his own was enough to make him wince with pain.

His first instinct was to recoil; he only resisted with great effort, tightening his jaw to keep himself from crying out. Instead, he pulled Credence in closer.

It felt as though liquid fire was pouring through his veins. The skin at the back of his hands was taut to the point of breaking, threatening to crack open at any given moment.

Yet he refused to let go.

The pressure of his fingers upon Credence’s temples appeared to have momentarily halted the growth of the Obscurus, so Percival decided to keep following his gut instinct.

He leaned forward to press his forehead against the boy’s, ignoring yet another sharp burst of pain as their brows came into contact.

He knew it was of prime importance to keep talking to Credence, and so he did. Perhaps, if he found the right words, he could remind him of who he was—anchor him back into reality.

In any case, it was worth a shot.

Percival took a deep, slow breath, and closed his eyes.

‘You’re Credence Barebone,’ he said, firm yet gentle. ‘You’re a wizard.’

The pain pulsing through his forehead seemed to dull slightly, although he couldn’t say for sure.

‘You have a younger sister. Her name is Modesty, and you care about her very much.’

The dark tendrils obscuring Credence’s face appeared to be shrinking—or thinning, perhaps.  

‘You enjoy tending to Scamander’s occamies, and baking apple strudels with Queenie Goldstein.’

Behind the thick screen of smoke, Credence’s shoulderline was beginning to take shape.

‘Your favourite book is a leather-bound copy of The Scarlet Letter. It was a present from Tina.’

The shadows around Credence looked to be retracting slowly, curling inward in a familiar motion; one Graves had witnessed in the boy’s shoulders many times before.

‘You purchased your wand from Ollivander’s, in London. Thirteen inches, hawthorn and phoenix feather, I believe.’

The pale veil over Credence’s pupils was melting away, replaced by the glimmer of heavy tears. They brushed lightly against Percival’s fingers as they rolled off his cheeks, whilst the boy waged an ongoing battle against himself.

‘The first spell you mastered was Episkey. You always wanted to be able to heal people,’ Graves added with fondness.

Graves felt relief wash over him as Credence eventually appeared to revert to his body. His hands were still ghosting lightly over the young man’s temples, fingers sweeping slowly against them.

‘I care about you,’ he concluded, his voice a breathless rasp.

After a few suspended moments of respite, Credence’s eyes flew open, and he pulled away from Graves’s touch with unmistakable urgency.

‘Credence—hello,’ the Auror whispered quietly, another rare smile softening his harsh features. ‘How do you feel?’

A wave of fear and panic seemed to wash over Credence’s face as he slowly began piecing things together.

‘What happened? Are you—did I hurt you?’

In his hurry to assess the damage he had caused, Credence all but stumbled gracelessly towards the older man. The strain on his body was almost enough for it to finally cave in, and he was forced to clutch at the lapels of Percival’s coat not to collapse.

He reached for the Auror’s face with unsteady fingers, cupping his jaw, his cheekbones, his temples. His fingertips ghosted lightly over the sides of the man’s neck before carefully running through his slick hair, dreading to stumble across dried blood or wounded flesh.

He looked almost stunned to find neither.

Be that as it may, Credence refused to let the other man pull away just yet, keeping a featherlight thumb hooked just below his chin.

‘I’m okay, Credence,’ Percival assured with a soft chuckle. ‘I’m alright.’

The boy kept on staring at him in bewilderment.

‘You did it—you came back,’ he added, his voice vibrant with equal parts pride and relief.

As he spoke, Credence’s eyes dropped to his scarred palms; he took in a sharp breath at the sight. Too late, Graves curled his fingers over the damaged patches of skin, in an attempt to hide them.

‘I hurt you,’ Credence stated flatly.

‘It’s just a few burn marks—nothing I haven’t seen before,’ Percival replied without a beat.

Still, it was enough for Credence to remove his fingers from the other man’s jaw, a stricken look upon his face.  

He moved to fold his hands away, before deciding to wrap them around Percival’s wrists instead, in a touch so gentle the latter barely felt anything.  

Credence tugged forward, just a little, until he could bring their joined hands to rest together into his lap.

Without a word, he ran the tip of his fingers against Percival’s injured palms several times, the motions slow and careful.

Graves could only watch, mesmerised, as his skin slowly began to mend. By the time Credence lifted his hands away, the scars upon the tissue were scarcely visible at all.

Wandless, voiceless magic.

(He had never taught him that.)

'Thank you,' he whispered.

Still gazing down at their entwined hands, Credence spoke next.

'You did this for me—the first time I met you.' He paused. 'The real you. Do you remember?'

Graves gave a silent nod, his fingers brushing lightly against Credence's chapped knuckles, revelling at the feeling of returned warmth.

'There's not a day go by that I don't think of it.'

He wanted to do something—he wanted to pull Credence flush against him, he wanted to wrap his arms around him, he wanted to thread his fingers through his enticing curls.  

He wanted to kiss him.

He wanted. He wanted.

He didn’t dare.

In the end, it was Credence who took the lead. His hands returned to Percival's cheekbones, tracing soothing yet insistent circles against the skin.

Graves's eyes met Credence's—they now seemed browner, softer. He was surprised to find a question simmering in them; one he had never dared hope to be asked.

'May I?' Credence asked tentatively.

Graves eyed him intently, remaining utterly silent until he finally, finally beckoned Credence with a single, pointed nod.

The moment after, Credence's lips were on him- soft, pliant, beguiling. Fleeting.

Far too early, they were gone, leaving both men wanting.

Graves looked up, and something in his chest twisted painfully when he caught a brief hint of doubt in Credence's eyes.

He still didn’t think he was good enough.

(How wrong he was.)

‘Would you let me?' Percival asked in turn, his voice softer than he’d ever heard it be before. Gently, he hooked two fingers to the dip just below Credence’s ear, resisting the urge to pull him back in just yet.

Credence nodded, and Percival barely had the time to catch the corner of his smile before returning his mouth to his lips, brushing against them time and again with infinite carefulness.

He felt Credence sigh against him, releasing an emotion long caught in his throat.

Percival smiled into the kiss. He could feel every hesitant press of Credence’s tongue against the barrier of his lips, making him lightheaded.

For a moment, he allowed himself to stop thinking.

_____

This, at least, was something Grindelwald would never take from them.  

[thandisizwemgudlwa]

Thabo Mbeki ‘Brilliant’ Speech: “We Must Act Now & Do the Right Thing”

 By SAPeople

- Nov 8, 2016                                                                     

South Africans have been celebrating the ‘brilliance’ of former President Thabo Mbeki’s speech Tuesday night, delivered at the Sunday Times Business Top 100 Companies Awards (where Finance Minister Pravin Gordhan was named Business Leader of the Year).

In a speech in which Mbeki recalled his speeches from 1999 and 2006, he said South Africa has moved from the Age of Hope to the Age of Despair, but was not yet at its tipping point… however time is not on the country’s side.

In what many are calling a well-balanced speech, Mbeki attacked both the business and political camps and said it’s time to truly work together for the common socio-economic good of all the people of South Africa, and not for selfish gains.

In perhaps a thinly veiled attempt to urge ANC MPs to impeach President Jacob Zuma on Thursday in Parliament, Mbeki recalled Nkandla and observations made by the Constitutional Court which were not addressed at the time on “what it means to govern a constitutional democracy”, and ended saying: “We must act now and do the right thing because time is not on our side.”

He said he strongly suggests all South Africans should support the National Conversation Initiative… “to engage one another in an open, inclusive and comprehensive process out of which should emerge a national consensus about what we should do together to address all the challenges our country faces.”

Former President Thabo Mbeki’s Speech in Full:

I trust that you will bear with me as I begin my comments today by referring to elements of our past.

When I delivered the State of the Nation Address in 1999 I said, among other things:

“Steadily, the dark clouds of despair are lifting, giving way to our season of hope.

“Our country which, for centuries, has bled from a thousand wounds is progressing towards its healing.

“The continuing process of social and national emancipation, to which we are all subject, constitutes an evolving act of self-definition.

“At the dawn of a new life, our practical actions must ensure that none can challenge us when we say – we are a nation at work to build a better life!

“When the millions of our people went to vote three weeks ago in peaceful elections that were free and fair, they guaranteed the permanence of the foundations from which we will advance to meet this objective…

“The challenge of the reconstruction and development of our society into one which guarantees human dignity faces the entirety of our people.

“It is a national task that calls for the mobilisation of the whole nation into united people’s action, into a partnership with government for progressive change and a better life for all, for a common effort to build a winning nation…

“The Government therefore commits itself to work in a close partnership with all our people, inspired by the call – Faranani! – to ensure that we draw on the energy and genius of the nation to give birth to something that will surely be new, good and beautiful…

“If, by word and deed, we take our places among the ordinary people who position themselves among a nation that is at work to build a better life for all within a caring society, then should we expect that the poor of our world will set a garland of grace on our heads and present each and everyone of us with a crown of splendour.”

Ten years ago, in 2006, I delivered yet another State of the Nation Address.

This time I said that though it would take time to eradicate the legacy of colonialism and apartheid, we dare not think our progress fits the description captured in these words in Shakespeare’s Macbeth:

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time, And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death…

I went on to say:

“We have known that it would take considerable time before we could say we have eradicated the legacy of the past. We have expected that the circumstances handed down to us by our history would indeed condemn us to a ‘petty pace’ of progress towards the achievement of the goal of a better life for all…

“(Yet) I feel emboldened to appropriate for our people the promise contained in the Book of the Prophet Isaiah, when God said:

For you shall go out with joy, And be led out in peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree…

To explain this I said:

“This year opened with the inspiring news that our people were highly optimistic about their future and the future of our country, ranking 8th in the world on the optimism index. Gallup International, which issued this report, said we have three times more optimists than pessimists, and that the optimism figure had doubled even since 2002…

“The results obtained by Gallup International have been confirmed by a recent domestic poll conducted by Markinor. According to this poll, 65% of our people believe that the country is going in the right direction. 84% think that our country holds out a happy future for all racial groups. 71% believe that government is performing well.

“With regard to the economy, late last month the Grant Thornton International Business Owners Survey reported that 84% of South Africa’s business owners are optimistic about the year ahead, making them the third most optimistic internationally. Again last month, the First National Bank and the Bureau for Economic Research reported that the consumer confidence index is at its highest in 25 years.

“What all these figures signify is that our people are firmly convinced that our country has entered its Age of Hope. They are convinced that we have created the conditions to achieve more rapid progress towards the realisation of their dreams. They are certain that we are indeed a winning nation.”

As you have seen, I have quoted statements I made seventeen (17) and ten (10) years ago, respectively.

Again as you will have heard, these statements spoke of an Age of Hope, of high levels of optimism about the future among all sectors of our population, of a time when ‘the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before us’, and of a new period in our national reality when our yesterdays would no longer light fools the way to dusty death.

However the hard reality we face today is that our country is trapped in a general and deepening political, economic and social crisis which has, for many, begun to turn what was an Age of Hope into an Age of Despair.

It would be understandable if the critics were to ask us the question – when you spoke of an Age of Hope were you not living in a fool’s paradise?

Was it not the case that what you said then amounted to nothing more than the wish being father to the thought!

Given the seriousness of our situation of the general crisis I have mentioned, I believe that these queries require an honest answer to assist in responding to the question – what is to be done!

Surely, that honest answer must address the matters of:

(i) whether the political leadership mandated through democratic elections with the task of governing our country has lived up to its systemic responsibilities;

(ii) whether the major owners of capital in our country, including you, the 100 Top Companies present here, have discharged their own social responsibilities as such owners of capital;

(iii) whether enough has been done to achieve concerted action by all relevant stakeholders to address our socio-economic challenges, these having been collectively identified as being important elements of shared national interest; and,

(iv) whether more could have been done to generate the resources to meet the demands for both sustained economic growth and development in a mixed economy, and therefore the creation of greater national wealth, as well as more equitable sharing of that greater wealth.

To state my response to some of these questions directly, I would like to say that my answer to these is Yes and No!

I must therefore explain myself in this regard.

First, it is obvious that over the years, progressively since 1994, therefore including the years when we were in Government, some negative features have emerged in our governing party, the ANC, which the organisation itself has recognised, including disease of the abuse of political power for personal enrichment.

Confronted by this reality, the leadership of the movement could not avoid speaking out against:

(v) the scourge of endemic corruption;

(vi) the looting of public resources through what it described as ‘tenderpreneurship’, and other forms of theft of public resources;

(vii) the so-called state capture which speaks to the disease of direct control of people in responsible positions in the public sector by particular business interests; and,

(viii) the drift of the ANC away from the ordinary working people and its historic task and raison d’etre, established over an entire century, of existing solely for the purpose to serve the interests of the people of our country.

The ANC has also spoken out about such negative features within its own ranks as the use of cash to buy members, as well as the abuse of supposedly independent State institutions to advance individual interests.

What this means is that all this serves to undermine and weaken the capacity and possibility for the governing political authority to discharge its responsibilities:

(ix) to ensure national respect for the Constitutional and statutory prescripts;

(x) to unite the people to act together to address the objectives stated in our Constitution as our fundamental law;

(xi) to ensure that the State machinery works to serve the interests of the people as a whole, consistent with the Constitution; and,

(xii) seriously to provide leadership with regard to addressing the evolving social challenges relating to (a) the entrenchment and development of democracy and human rights; and (b) meeting the needs of the people as exposed by concrete reality and as required in terms of the Bill of Rights.

The challenge, therefore, is that one of the features which defines the general crisis I have mentioned is that certainly in the minds of many in our country our governing authorities are not adequately discharging their responsibility to provide answers about what should be done to achieve the objective of a better life for all and the creation of a people centred society, and a winning nation.

A deeply disturbing result of the accumulated negative tendencies I have mentioned is the gradual loss of respect for ad the erosion of the authority of the State and Government which are vitally important in terms of leading our nation a whole. This cannot but lead to social disorder and instability.

Beyond the directly political, it is a matter of common cause among all of us that our economy is experiencing great difficulties.

In this regard, all of us share a common concern that:

(i) the economic growth rates are far too low;

(ii) the levels of unemployment are too high; and,

(iii) similarly, the level of inequality is also too high.

The First Deputy Deputy Managing Director of the IMF, Mr David Lipton, was in our country earlier this year. Regarding all these matters, this last July he made some comments with which I agree and said:

“South Africa is grappling with growth that is too slow to raise average living standards, which is deeply problematic when one-third of the working population is effectively excluded from the economy. So far, there has been only limited progress on reforms to remedy that situation.

“What does this mean? The prospect of falling per capita income and increases in a jobless rate already among the world’s highest. That would spell tough times ahead, particularly given the difficulties facing the global economy.

“Inclusion of the excluded one-third of South Africans could and should be a source of growth and dynamism for the generation to come.

“But now, the cost of insufficient action has reached the critical point. The present trajectory is simply not good enough. What is needed is a fresh and energetic review of South Africa’s policies—followed by action.”

Naturally, the question arises – what is to be done to respond to all this?

In this regard the National Development Plan says:

“The key measures of economic success identified in the Plan are that South Africa achieves average Gross Domestic Product (GDP) growth of over 5 percent, and that by 2030 GDP per capita is more than twice the present level, export growth has accelerated, income levels have risen above the poverty line for all, inequality has been substantially reduced, and unemployment has been reduced from 25 percent to 6 percent.”

I would like to believe that all of us agree with these objectives.

The challenge we face is to elaborate the necessary plan and programme to realise these goals.

In this context I must make the observation that, despite all its nationally accepted commendable strengths, the National Development Plan will remain merely a correct Vision until a detailed Plan is elaborated, accepted by all relevant role players, and actually implemented to accomplish the excellent outcomes indicated in the Vision eloquently presented in the NDP.

I say this to make the vitally important point that to extricate ourselves from the general crisis I have mentioned, we are faced with the strategic task to agree on and actually carry out an Implementation Plan to achieve the objectives mentioned in the NDP.

In this context a challenging question arises. This is – have we achieved such a level of national cohesion, informed by the pursuit of matters we agree are in the shared national interest, that we can in fact agree on and carry out implement an NDP Implementation Plan?

In this context, speaking in July last year, Mr Mark Cutifani, CEO of Anglo American PLC, said:

“To create a competitive South Africa, government, business and labour must work together. There is no other way. Government has a vital role to play in leading, facilitating and encouraging dialogue to accelerate the National Development Plan’s implementation. We must build bridges and find common ground, and do so on the basis of respect and trust. The time is right for a national conversation to map out the way forward for SA and to provide its people with greater opportunity for a better life by becoming a more mature, modern, competitive, just and prosperous democracy…

“Our current deep suspicion of each other is simply not sustainable and is evidence to the world that the miracle of the Rainbow Nation is floundering, as it cannot get past self-interest and out-dated ideological mantras.”

Mr Cutifani made these comments correctly to reflect on a real challenge we face.

In this regard I agree completely with him that without genuine cooperation between Government, business and labour, we are condemned to fail in our efforts to extricate ourselves from the general crisis I have mentioned.

We are therefore faced with the task to answer such questions honesty and practically:

• what should be done to ensure that our Government leads the process of achieving agreement by all stakeholders on a realistic NDP Implementation Plan;

• what should be done to build bridges and find common ground among these stakeholders, on the basis of mutual respect and trust, overcoming the tendency towards exclusive focus on self-interest and attachment to particular ideological dogmas, thus to act in unity on agreed matters of national interest; and,

• what steps should be taken to convene the processes which would result in a national conversation to map out the way forward for South Africa?

Obviously the business community represented here this evening would and must be one of the central players in the ‘national conversation’ to which Mark Cutifani referred.

In that context, including with regard to overcoming the ‘deep suspicion of each other’ mentioned by Mark Cutifani, I must mention some matters relevant to the perception by at least some among our people relevant to your conduct, our business community.

I am certain that you are aware that some in our country have argued for some time now that our private sector is on what has been called “an investment strike”.

In this context, in August last year the City Press newspaper carried an article entitled “SA’s economic outlook: Bad news and really bad news”.

Among other things the article said:

“Stellenbosch University’s economic management dean, Stan du Plessis, who painted a bleak picture of the country’s immediate prospects, said a big question that had to be answered was why private corporations were not investing in business expansion. While low demand and the absence of skilled labour had been cited as some of the reasons in recent years, the deterioration of the political climate had emerged as the key reason corporations were not investing in growth.”

Another article published in September last year, entitled “SA firms hoard cash in indictment of economy”, said:

“Corporates in Africa’s most industrialised economy are so negative about future growth prospects that they’re sitting with record amounts of cash in the bank, according to Stanlib Asset Management, South Africa’s third-largest manager of domestic mutual funds.

“Investment by businesses has stagnated as confidence languishes near its lowest in almost four years and President Jacob Zuma’s administration struggles to reignite an economy expanding at the slowest pace since the 2009 recession…

“Companies had R689.4bn on deposit in South African banks at the end of June, compared with R671.5b in November, according to data compiled by Stanlib from South African Reserve Bank (Sarb) data…

These articles were published last year and I do not know what the situation is today, though I would suspect that it has not changed much.

I mention all this in the context of what has been said, quite correctly, that one of the national challenges we must address is ‘overcoming the deep suspicion of each other’, in this case the suspicion that, as I have said, the private sector is on an “investment strike”.

Let me once again cite remarks by Mark Cutifani to which I have referred in the past.

When he spoke at the Mining Indaba in 2013 he talked about the social responsibilities of the mining industry and among others said:

“The things we do [as the mining industry] are so important to global society, but the communities where we do business get the rough end of the stick…It is critical to understand how to really engage with communities. We must listen to what communities want to be, not tell them who to be…”

It was obviously correct that Mr Cutifani should speak in these terms, underlining the need for our corporate citizens to be sensitive to the national challenges.

Significantly Mr Cutifani also said:

“We each have a responsibility to be a leader – to seek a new future and to be the first to extend a hand of partnership to those that will develop this brave new world we all want to be part of…

“The job of those who have stewardship of capital is to support society…

“South Africa could meet its challenges once government and the private sector stopped talking past each other…”

These comments necessarily put on the national agenda the question – in what ways are those who have stewardship of capital discharging their responsibility to support society?

As all of us have seen, the current raging debate about the so-called state capture has brought sharply to the fore questions about the attitude of capital as a whole to the resolution of our country’s national challenges, and whether the drive to make money at all costs means that capital is ready even to subvert the constitutional order.

In other words, to what extent do our corporate chiefs share the view expressed by Mark Cutifani that – “The job of those who have stewardship of capital is to support society”?

The central point I am making is that obviously some of the strategic national challenges we face are that, together:

• we ensure that our economy grows at high sustainable rates;

• we reduce the levels of unemployment;

• we reduce the levels of inequality;

• we ensure that business plays its role in this regard;

• we encourage government, business and labour to work effectively together to achieve the objectives identified in the National Development Plan; and,

• we agree on an Implementation Plan to ensure the realisation of the objectives detailed in the NDP.

The reality is that if we do not do these things, and also fail to address the political challenges we face, the general crisis I have mentioned will get even deeper and more intractable.

In that situation it would be inevitable that social instability will increase as the people take to the streets to express their grievances and advance their demands, as the university students have been doing.

Added to this is the danger that such widespread instability would be accompanied by the destruction of property and loss of lives.

Obviously there would be instances of serious confrontation between the protesters and the State security organs. In this context we dare not forget what happened at Marikana in 2012 about which Mark Cutifani said, correctly, that “Marikana was a symptom of a much greater issue that needs us to engage and work together to find collective solutions.”

Any failure on our part successfully to address our political, economic and socio-economic challenges cannot but result in a vicious circle which would lead to a further deepening of the general crisis and therefore a further entrenchment of social instability.

It may be that some might think that what I have said is somewhat alarmist. However my view is that we should err on the side of caution rather than take comfort in an attitude of complacency.

In addition to what I have said concerning what we should do, I would like to add two more important initiatives.

Last March the Constitutional Court delivered its well-known judgement on Nkanda.

Of great importance in this regard were the detailed observations the Court made about what it means to govern a constitutional democracy.

It would have served our country very well if the political parties which serve in our National Legislature had discussed these observations to ensure that all relevant institutions operate as they should, as required by our Constitution.

These include the political parties themselves, the Legislature, the Executive, and the state institutions, including the Chapter 9 bodies.

If Parliament had done what I suggest, honestly and seriously, this would have made the strategic intervention we need to pull the country out of the unhappy political situation in which it is and put us on course to achieve the quality governance system we visualised when we adopted our Constitution 20 years ago.

Further, again last March, a number of our Foundations jointly issued a Call to engage in a National Dialogue.

They said that the Dialogue would “(aim) at mobilising South Africans across racial, class, gender, rural and urban as well as party-political divides to reflect on the journey travelled since 1994 and, more critically, to promote a national consensus for the future.”

I strongly suggest that all of us should support this important Initiative and therefore encourage the Foundations concerned to move with some urgency to enable all our people to engage one another in an open, inclusive and comprehensive process out of which should emerge a national consensus about what we should do together to address all the challenges our country faces.

I have argued that our country is immersed in a general crisis. Fortunately we have not as yet arrived at the tipping point when the country becomes ungovernable, with disastrous consequences for black and white, rich and poor and young and old alike.

This is an eventuality we must avoid at all costs. I am certain that as a people we have the capacity to achieve this result.

We must therefore act now and do the right thing because time is not on our side.

Thank you.

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[morningpages-louise]

November 01 - Setting intentions for November, looking back at 2018 so far, and Reminders and affirmations of life.

it's fucking november. what the fuck. this month, no this year, it went by so fast. i literally say that every year tho. we all do. why is that? the worst part is, most of us, including me, go by it without being mindful. without appreciating the things happening before us. we just kind of let these moments slide right through us. we forget to be mindful. we forget to take a breath, look around and appreciate. appreciate all that we have. appreciate this moment right here which will never ever be replicated. instead, we thinkin about what's lacking. we think about what could make these moments better. we bring in negativity into an otherwise perfect moment. it's annoying as hell but we all do it, we do it unconsciously. this negativity should not and will not rule over our lives. that's why this November, I VOW TO BE MORE MINDFUL--take deeper breathes. take things slower. not overthink every single fucking situation and just allowing each moment to pass. i really want to spend less time infront of my screen too. engaging in mindless social media which is so damn bad i dont know why im sucked into it so much :( but yeah. i just want to go back to the basics. slow down. appreciate. and cherish these last 2 months that I have left. because i will never have these months left. appreciate and take into grattitude.

i would also really like to just look at this year that went by because it's almost coming to a close. 2 months. you know what i find myself being so busy but I must never forget who i am and who my values are and what i value and why i took up all these opportunities in the first place -- for growth, to develop myself, to step out of my comfort zone and become more of the person who i am bound to be, whoever that is. sometimes i really feel like im being sucked in the system. it's like i forget the reason why i decided to do this work in the first place. and it's so damn important to never lose that. never lose that meaning and that reason and that drive that pushed us to try this new thing out in the first place. so damn important. huhu i feel like im on my flow. i love it when these moments come. work starts to be on autodrive and my mind is clearer, and i feel more motivated to work and all. but yes, it's november 2 now. i started writing this november 1.  I feel like when i started this term, i had a grip on my life. i had so much free time. i had a routine set in motion, but then it felt at times like i was just doing certain things for that tick on my planner, which is one of the reasons i stopped using my green bulletjournal. and i was just setting myself up to do so many things -- listen to the news, meditate, write, yoga, and all that stuff and the reality is, as simple as these tasks may be, i just didn't have the time to do most of the stuff and i wanted to do it out of impulse and not out of force, although i do know that that force is what makes certain tasks habits but you get what i mean. so yeah ive completely gotten rid of that way of living. now, it's just me and a black empty canvas and i kind of just choose how i go about my day. the things i want to do more of are

--> Find more time to Read. god, it's been so hard to slip in a quick 30 minutes or even a goddamn chapter :( i get so anxious man gud. so even if i do find a little hole for me to do what i love doing so much, i get an anxious feeling in the back of my mind which is annoying as hell.

--> Indulge in creative projects. no, not write for the sake of my damn internship and shit but create projects that give me joy. i feel like its so important to find time to do these things because being creative is a sort of portal to your soul. it taps into your consciousness and what interests you, what aspects fascinate you and all that stuff. for me, i'd really love to create more personal videos about important moments in my life. i've only done one video about my birthday but it felt so damn great to be honest. the next one i would like to do would be a video about my unit because that unit i hold so close to my heart man. so many memories. so many moments. so many people whove spent a certain amount of time at one point of their lives. im really obsessed with memories. i love saving them. i love keeping them and organizing them so i can look through them from time to time. yup i guess im floating. that's the song im listening to now. it's awesome. it feels like im stuck in a particular moment. held within time. that kind of stuff. god writing feels so good. it gives me a fucking high. makes me tap into my consciousness and check in on how im feeling. okay anyways getting a bit off track.

--> spend more time appreciating things and being in the moment rather than on social media. cmon guys, it's practically the last 60 days of 2018 and im gonna spend it attached to my goddamn phone? nuh-uh. the time for living should be now. the time for being aware and savoring every little moments and creating memories and cherishing them and just taking moments to feel goddamn alive you know. make this year worth something.

but honestly, it's hard to really look back at this year and see the growth that has transcended over the course of the few months. it's hard to look back because im living in it right now and i don't know. right now, it doesn't really feel like much has changed. it doesn't really feel like ive grown. or ive changed or ive bloomed which was literally this year's motto dba. that's why my peg for the whole year was a sunflower, inspired by tylor the creator's album sunflowers or whatever it was called. i still feel the same. i have felt like im the same person for so long to be honest. it never really feels like ive changed, but i bet i have. i just fail to see it. but honestly in terms of headspace, i can honestly say that i feel like im in a better place. im more at peace with certain aspects of my thoughts. ofcourse, i don't think we can ever really be fully at peace with ourselves, but in some way i feel like ive mended certain parts. i'm not in so much pain anymore. when i started the year, i had just broken up with my boyfriend of almost three years. ofcourse i still think about him every now and then, how can you not honestly especially when you spend so much time with a person like that, and it does still pain me when he chats with me to ask something or when i see him because i get a little hope extinguished in me of us getting back together even though i know in the end, despite everything, that we're better off apart. we're better off not together. because it was getting so bad. there was no fire. there was nothing. i felt like i was just forcing myself at times to like him. i didnt even look forward to seeing him whenever i came back from Manila, and that's not a good sign at all. so yeah, i know the most annoying advice ever is when people say time heals. it's so frustrating because you can't really do anyhing but let time heal you and well, it's true. it sucks but its so true. in time, you will just hurt less. there will be a time when his name comes up and it doesn't hurt so much or your thoughts don't start jumping up into nostalgic memories of the both of you. strangers again. it sucks but its the reality, i guess. i knw we shouldn't be together. we weren't a good match no matter how much nstalgia tells you otherwise. but i really really really hope to become good friends with him atleast. not be so fucking scared whenever im about to see him. not feel like i have to drink a whole fucking liter of beer before i see him. because in all honestly, he was such a good friend. so caring and so kind and he always tried to make a positive situation out of something so negative. his optimism sometimes annoyed the shit out of me especially when we were together because it's not as easy to just say like oh don't think about it like that. life is so much more complicated than that. its' a lot more complex. hay i really miss talking to him. he was such a good person to just let everything out to. i miss that the most. but it's okay. i have this morning thoughts now dba? to let everything out and just dump my thoughts and whats been circulating nonstop in my mind. cge anyways, what else. i feel healed. i feel like my headspace is better. well--i also feel like ive gotten better with regards to my connections. i love how this year, ive added new people to my circle. my favorite part. i love how this year has opened me to meeting more people. it has also let me become closer to my existing relationships. made it stronger and that makes me so happy. probably the most important thing i learned this year was the importance of connections, and that no man is an island. no matter how introverted we may be, we can't survive without having connected with other people. i really just want to have more of those throughout my life--genuine connections. where i can be myself and they can be themselves. and where we actually enjoy each others companies. not lackluster, shallow relationships that never seem to go beyond a certain level you know. i want deep, loving, intimate connections. i wish to find a tribe of people where i feel supported and everything. my life goal. but yeah im happy ive opened myself up to meeting new people. probably the biggest development of this year is well the fact that i now have an internship-say what? and or a company ive been following for quite some time nonetheless, mad travel. this whole year i feel like ive been trying to get a job and now i finally have found the time to do so and it makes me happy :) atleast. i know i am capable of gainig jobs and putting myself out there. i feel more confident applying for my jobs and my resue is looking fine. and although my internship is actually sort of a source of stress and anxiety these days, i shouldnt take it so goddamn seriously because in 2-3 years i will just look back at these moments and it wont even matter. what mattered is i did my best. i shouldnt take my work so seriously gyud. that's why i hate turning down friends or turning down invitations for my fucking work because in the end we all fucking die. in the end whatever titles we may have at the moment wont even fucking matter you know. we all die in the end so just live unapologetically and bear yourself to the world. that's so damn difficult and i feel like we take life so damn seriously. we really need to loosen up and have fun and not overthink every single fucking thing. why are we all so damn anxious? it makes me so angry like goddamn get it together. we have lost the true essence and meaning of our lives. we have forgotten why we are here in the first place. to love. to feel. to experience. to learn and most of all, to enjoy. okay that's my ted talk. goodbye and sayonarra.