#i hope that one day he smiles as much as he did in 2018-19 </3 rly glad he's getting sm concerts + the chance to release music | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feelingofcontent · 2 years

Text

DNP Rewatch: DAN AND PHIL MASSIVE PIZZA MUKBANG

Date video was published: 10/15/2018 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 381

There were three months between the last main channel video and this one, which is the biggest gap Phil has between main channel videos (at least where he hasn’t privated any). They filmed this just the day before it was posted and Dan teased it on Insta stories too. I’m going to apologize in advance for this post being so long, but the video is so long and SO GOOD.

0:00 - Phil liked this bit so much he wanted to put it in the video twice

0:19 - yeah, that must have been such a weird slow down after so many months of touring

0:37 - Dan’s fond smile at Phil trying to describe this

0:42 - I wonder what else Phil lures Dan into with food

0:54 - I’m not convinced either of them pronounced it right there at all

1:06 - Phil has a facial expression journey there...the wide eyes, the glance at the camera, the eyebrow raise

1:16 - “for us, that’s just dinner” 😂

1:27 - “I hope it’s just as kinky as you want it to be” jesus Dan 😳

1:31 - Dan pretends to hate the emoji pjs, but look at that smile at them

1:38 - “except for Dan” 😭 Dan doesn’t count

1:50 - they don’t hate it...but it is stressful sometimes I’m sure

1:59 - Dan always using the “fill the hole” thing since Daniel and Depression. they had already gotten pizza at least one other time after tour too (although not Dominos)

2:03 - lol at Dan’s offended face...Phil is not wrong though

2:13 - sure editing Phil, lets make really sure everyone knows you said “anal”

2:28 - don’t think I’ve ever realized Dan says “it’ll be like a two-way kinky thing” there before 😳

2:40 - foot content

2:47 - intense discussion happening during the ordering

2:55 - Phil with the snap back to looking at the camera when he realizes he’s been staring too long

3:06 - love Phil mocking Dan’s dramatic gestures 😂

3:11 - Interactive Introverts promo time

3:31 - yeah they really did not get a break before doing that editing. and of course they couldn’t just let someone else do it, because they want to have control of all the details

4:09 - put them together and they really can’t not have irrelevant banter

5:06 - usually Phil does merch promo more, but Dan is really handling it here...wonder why they decided that

5:19 - that is an obnoxious doorbell noise but at least you wouldn’t not hear it I guess. also their matching looks of shock, lol

5:26 - pretty sure Dan knows when he says that that he’s going to end up going to get it

5:40 - “he looks like Zac Efron, I can’t go” oh Phil 😂

5:48 - embarrassed boyfriend vibes

5:51 - emoji crotch shot for why?

6:14 - I love this bit about the glasses...why is it implied that it will be Phil who either drinks out of the bottle or who has the wine glass and not Dan? fascinating

6:50 - Phil looking so fond about the dips. they had had a discussion about that in What Dan and Phil Text Each Other

7:08 - dying at Phil describing ketchup as “exotic” 😂 wtf.

7:18 - “Philly needs his nugs” Phil what.

7:32 - I have never seen anyone do this

7:52 - so many bits of domestic info in this

8:00 - ...thanks for sharing, Dan I guess? Phil looks very uncomfortable while he’s attempting it

8:17 - WHY the sexy music overlay?! 👀 help

8:20 - Phil is right! I hate it when the takeaway gets cold

9:10 - they had been getting that same order since at least 2014

9:26 - they are so serious about these descriptions...it is actually important to them

9:42 - Phil said “people don’t think this is weird” but I’m pretty sure he means they DO

10:02 - that’s not a thing we knew before this, I don’t think, because he definitely has eaten on camera before. but I guess never an actual “meal” like this

10:18 - Phil, the demon of temptation

10:29 - little shoulder pats 🥺 Dan does most of the reach-out-and-touch-ing in this video

10:45 - the complete non-sequitur of “you look great Phil” while Phil is just talking about the wine glass...Dan’s mind is elsewhere

10:56 - danger! and the thing they do with “category” levels of disaster

11:23 - starting a new conversation topic, random singing, distracted by food...seems about right

11:30 - “you’re a fascinating guy” ahahaha, Phil!

11:33 - they had also been to see PJ’s Space Tour show (1, 2, 3)

11:36 - Dan is very into the food there

11:40 - Phil went to the art fair with Martyn (and Cornelia, probably) on October 7 and shared some insta stories from it (1, 2, 3, 4)

11:43 - actually when Phil was at the art fair, Dan was visiting his family which he’ll talk about in a bit (unless one of them posted things on a later date)

12:04 - why did Dan do a little lean forward like he was about to lick it off...

12:13 - the way Phil just drops “giant wall of penises” makes me laugh every time 😂

12:23 - love that of course he had told Dan about that immediately afterwards

12:29 - “was it artistic, was it tasteful, were they French?” christ...and sure Phil “I didn’t stare at it too long” ...right

12:40 - Dan is not used to this talking/being entertaining during a meal

12:55 - foot content yet again

12:58 - Phil just laughing at Dan’s intense reactions to the food

13:14 - now I want to have UK Dominos to compare it

13:38 - I am definitely not like this...although maybe if I didn’t have to cook I would enjoy meals more, lol

13:42 - p. 127 of YWGTTN “I have friends who don’t turn off their work notifications in the evenings…” still calling out Phil for the phone thing

13:45 - I love that Phil then checks his phone to make sure 🥺

14:03 - Phil really does look at Dan in this video a lot more than in usual joint videos

14:13 - and that’s what Phil does it seems...provides a distraction

14:32 - a librarian specifically, hmm. I don’t know; Phil is so creative

14:51 - I feel Phil here...phone calls are my nightmare

15:15 - Phil is getting much more real and deep about himself here than he usually does...although later 2018 is when he seemed to start opening up more

15:36 - “our audience is so nice” awww 🥺 here we really see the difference in Dan’s attitude especially towards their audience as compared to before the tour, like in Giving The People What They Want

16:02 - actually internalizing that so you don’t worry about it is hard though

16:45 - I can’t say I’ve ever cried because of how good food is...this must happen somewhat frequently for Phil to ask

17:05 - “we were pretty fit” same energy as the “I had abs...where did they go?” live show moment

17:19 - Dan just recently tweeted about a gym, so I wonder if they’re trying a personal trainer again now

17:32 - I love that Phil enjoyed boxing of all things...even if it was because “I enjoyed punching you” 😂

17:45 - I have never met another person irl that has the same problems with left and right that I do, but Phil does!

18:11 - this is great that Dan points out that sometimes it’s worse to call attention to things people are uncomfortable with, and Phil listens and accepts that

18:44 - I’m surprised they told us this...that would have been around Trying To Live My Truth and the aftermath

18:57 - and that seems to be what they do...they will work as hard as they have to for their projects. I hope they’re doing a bit less of that now for their own sakes

19:24 - this must have been a planned thing to mention in this video

19:40 - oh Dan... “a couple weeks”

19:52 - “I liked doing the radio...with you” parallel to Something we want to tell you! and “I like playing video games with you”

19:59 - definitely something Dan had seemed to be struggling with with his content, really starting in 2017, I think

20:30 - “I think people just want you to be happy” aww, Phil

20:43 - yeah, I think it was really good for Dan to have the extra time post-tour before BIG

20:50 - “coming out of your cave” is a bit too on the nose there

21:03 - Phil really is easy going with his channel

21:39 - the stories of their audience really do seem to mean a lot to them

21:47 - I think sometimes they thought that about their own audience too

22:12 - more shoulder touching from Dan

22:19 - love Phil just giving him something fun he can do. they had been playing a lot of Spiderman

22:43 - the softest “you brought my candle over” 🥺

22:50 - I would like to see a candle haul/tour of candles (aka house tour) now please

23:03 - I agree with Dan here...don’t want that while you’re eating

23:18 - leg touch there...not sure if Phil’s face is still reacting to the undercooked potato or Dan’s comment

23:40 - they were into the forever-home design at this point too, so I wonder if the minimalism vs not argument was happening often

24:00 - I really would like to know how they managed to shrink a bunch of their clothes on tour

24:23 - love that Phil is saying HE would be bored because he’s the one looking 😂

24:35 - “that’s great actually” Dan can’t not make it a compliment

25:01 - why does he keep zooming in on Dan drinking throughout this

25:16 - awww, Phil

25:49 - the jazz hands! again, possibly a bit too on the nose for what ends up happening next

25:59 - yep, there we go. that was when Phil was at the art fair. he shared some Colin content (1, 2)

26:02 - awww at Phil again for the “your family are nice!”

26:26 - had he not told Phil this?

26:36 - so awkward! oh Dan

27:20 - love Dan picking up on the northern accent in just three words

27:59 - Phil is embarrassed to admit that it seems, but he will use it as a video idea later

28:28 - got to have a “feeding” moment, although he cut into it pretty late

28:35 - really out of nowhere there from Dan

28:46 - “not if you’re just, like, hanging out with me” 😭

28:55 - awww, cute dog. fleas, not so cute

29:13 - Dan’s reaction to Phil saying “eating our ass” 😂

29:41 - “a soft warm hole” ...worse

30:09 - Phil just scooting closer there

30:13 - “you'd pull it off” of course

30:18 - Phil is so appalled that it’s even a question if he could finish a cookie

30:41 - more crotch-shot for some reason...also, must have washed some glasses for the milk

30:48 - you don’t...fry...pizza?

30:59 - surprised we didn’t have a rock-paper-scissors here

31:25 - we like the chatting too!

32:25 - awww, they’re proud of it

32:45 - Dan....what. 👀

This is such a comfort video for me. It’s so casual; almost like an edited joint live show. Phil is so sweet and calming. I love it.

#dan and phil #dnp #dnpRewatch #amazingphil #daniel howell #phil lester #danisnotonfire #amazingphil videos #DAN AND PHIL MASSIVE PIZZA MUKBANG #cw food

77 notes · View notes

stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years

Text

Hi guys! As promised to that Anon, I wrote the timelines. I decided to write only the key points though because these are things we already know, and then, I’m sure there are more than a thousand proofs around and people who have already spoken about it. Enjoy.

Drum roll, please 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Let’s start with the first competitor: Tyrone William Griffin, aka Typical Dish Snacked Ty Dolla $ign 04/13/1982, the man who liked to tweet things like “I’m the curator of lesbians”.

PRen Tyren: As I already mentioned in the post “There is a light at the end of the tunnel”, it all started on the evening of November 15, 2016, when 5H went to the Epic party. Due to Laucy’s picture of the wedding and the ‘official’ coming out then occurred a few days later, on November 18, 2016, Lauren needed a boyfriend. That same night at the party, Typecast accepted the management’s proposal.

Typo tweeted “LMJ” on January 4, 2017, and then immediately deleted it. First move to create speculation since, presumably, Lauren ‘was’ still with Ludicrous. Shortly thereafter, a blind item about L who was having an affair with a married man came out. On January 10, 2017, Nicole Cartolano posted that picture of Laucy in the snow with a piñata. After wishing her a happy birthday, as we already know, luBYE. On February 13, 2017, there were the first PRren pictures at the Grammy after-party, so that people would start believing the blind item, BUT, making it clear that he wasn’t a married man, but a taken one, and yes, MAN, since Tyred is 14 years older than her, and therefore inculcating the idea that L was really cheating on Luggage. On March 9, 2017, Tymbal posted a picture of them together, coincidentally, the day after he advertised his upcoming album ‘Beach House 3’.

On March 22, 2017, we had ‘Bare With Me’ and Nicole Cartolano’s interview with MTV News. On the 23rd, we had, still very coincidentally and totally unplanned, “no I hate it because it’s invasive, scary, delusional, disrespectful to us both and was never real…Ever”, because, because, SHE DECIDES. NOT US. PERIOD. (sorry, I had to 😂. This is another of L’s tweets dating back to July 2, 2017: “I decide. Not you. Period.”) Joking apart, because she was single and she certainly couldn’t let the fans have hope for her and C, so she tried to kill the Camren ship for the umpteenth time. “Hey, hey, Lo, how’d it go? That bad, eh?” “Let me try again in 2020.” “Laur, babe, I’ll tell you what. I’m from the future, okay? It didn’t work, honey. And I don’t think it’s gonna work either in, I don’t know, in 2030.”

Back to the program.

The day before Nicole’s MTV article and eight days later, Twix posted a series of tweets (21: “Lo” - 30: “You look better on me 👀”, Cuban flag, and “I think she like me 😍”) [👈🏼 ‘Great grammar’ said in Lauren’s voice] which he then of course deleted to make everything more and more mysterious, and thus making people connect and figure out who was that ‘LMJ’ tweeted in January. On April 14, 2017, we had a picture of L with TyPod and his family dating back the night before when they celebrated Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’s birthday, followed by the blurred picture of the 15th of them together at Coachella. On April 18, 2017, Alycia Bella, Tinky Winky’s ex, tweeted “when you get cheated on w a 5th harmony member & all you can do is laugh.”, and then immediately deleted it, thus giving even more confirmation to people that both had cheated, despite Teletubbies denied and defended himself: “been moved on :) no cheating. Keep it Taylor’d. gang gang 🤘🏽🤘🏽”. The same Alycia who complained of being cheated on by Telly for ‘another girl’ during the reality show ‘The Platinum Life’ which aired on October 15, 2017 and that was recorded MONTHS BEFORE.

There were other tweets that Tyronic continued to tweet and then delete (April 1: “I think about you all the time” - April 3: “You my favorite” and “I don’t know what I did to deserve you” - April 7: “Really like what you’ve done to me”), Insta-stories and posts by both, and other public appearances together to increase the public’s curiosity. Such as: 1) Mani’s birthday. 2) August 16, 2017, when 5H did that famous and messy phone interview with The Sun for Dan Wooton’s podcast, one of Salmoned Cow’s well-known puppies friends, during which Dan asked Lauren about his relationship with Twinkly and she replied that they were just vibing. 3) Lauren’s birthday. 4) On September 11, 2017, Lauren posted pictures about the FentyxPuma party, and in one of those posts with pictures of her and Troglodyte, she put the caption with three hearts emojis, thus confirming to people that she and Tipsy were together.

February 2017 was the chosen month for Pukeren to ‘become’ official, confirmed by Typed in an interview at the Power 105.1 FM morning show The Breakfast Club on October 31, 2017, though, so a long time later and when the waters had already calmed down. By saying February, Tyring confirmed the cheatings exactly as it was planned. In another interview with BigBoyTV made on November 2, 2017, Typology showed the interviewees how even the background of his phone was a picture of Lauren. Picture that, by the way, Lauren herself posted 21 days before that by wearing Tijuana’s merchandise sweatshirt, so not even a personal picture that you’d normally expect to see from a real boyfriend.

Blah blah blah, Lauren never needed to defend a person so much in her life, blah blah blah, weed and booze and parties, blah blah blah, dogs (and fake allergies when convenient), blah blah blah, #Laurenthegroupie, blah blah blah, Tara and social media don’t get along very well, blah blah blah, #freepoorTweed ⛓️👮🏼 who was just having some fun with his friends, blah blah blah. We know the rest of the farce, and moving on to two years later, and therefore at the end of the PR, on April 15, 2019, Tic Tac tweeted a broken heart before zeroing his social media and Lauren a post on her social media, both implying the end of their oh so real ‘relationship’.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Let’s move on to competitor number two: Maturely Hushed Matthew Hussey, 06/19/1987. The scammer par excellence (since 2012). The salesman who pretends to be a life coach/dating advice expert by deluding poor women who fall into his bullshit. The charlatan who has an infinity of fraud charges and even a restraining order for stalking and harassment by a woman named Samantha C. of San Diego. [this woman continually talked about the situation on her Instagram account, cheating_matthewhussey. Even Chelsea Briggs liked a picture.]

Ewmila Mattmila: The skit was supposed to start a lot sooner in reality. They ‘met’ for the first time on September 29, 2017, on the set of NBC’s Today show (performance that C dedicated to the Dreamers), but nobody has heard much about it, right? There was only a single Billboard article that did that. Following that meeting, it was supposed to start in October 2017, when they also started to follow each other on IG, but everything was postponed because C’s album was postponed. The album was released on the 12th, and by pure coincidence, on January 11th, 2018, during the interview with Elvis Duran, and COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE, C mentioned Matilda for the first time by saying she was a fan of his. The same Mattress (10 years older than her) who coincidentally was there that day, so a setup for the public to make believe that they’d met that day.

The next day, at the release of the album ‘Camila’, C performed at Good Morning America, and Macaque, again by pure coincidence, had a small slot in the same program. On January 15, 2018, during the interview with Zane Lowe, when he asked if she had someone special in her life at that time, she replied with “maybe”, which was a big yes when she read “I can’t say your name without smiling” just before from her phone notes. On January 22, 2018, on Zach Sang Show, C said that she’s a private person and that she doesn’t like the ‘public thing’ since the Austin fiasco. Another bullshit said to make the public believe that it was the truth and take advantage of the events that would happen shortly thereafter, since, literally 18 days later, on February 9, E! News exclusively posted the first Burpmila pictures on vacation on a beach in Cabo, Mexico.

Blah blah blah, we know, blah blah blah, they lived in airports to get papped, blah blah blah, they even paid fans to do it, blah blah blah, “He’s great”, blah blah blah, “She’s great”, blah blah blah, #They'reGREAT!, blah blah blah, let’s kiss in a children’s playground #Sinu #needyCamila #someonepleaseteachStMatteohowtoholdagirl #SofiwasdecidingwhethertoreturntotheSagradaFamiliaorgoontheswingratherthanwitnessthatugliness, blah blah blah, let’s get to the first oh so real oh so important obstacle in their story.

On August 12, 2019, a Dutch singer named Elieve did an interview in which she confessed that she and Camila were dating the same guy (Matchbox) at the same time. Elieve was in London from the beginning of January to the beginning of February 2018 and Matzo was in London from January 14 to 19, so they met on one of those days.

Blah blah blah, let’s pretend we’ve overcome this obstacle, blah blah blah, let’s pretend we’re a super happy couple, blah blah blah, Disneyworld, blah blah blah, let’s go skiing, blah blah blah, trip to Italy, blah blah blah, Shawn’s entry, blah bl- wait… Oh yeah, it’s the second PR’s turn. Goodbye Ew! ‘Thank you very much for nothing. Bye-bye!!’ said in Lauren’s voice. End of ‘story’ on May 11, 2019, that is, the last time they were photographed together, news confirmed on June 25, 2019, only 4 days after the release of Señorita.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Even if it wasn’t part of the request, this is a bonus of mine just because.

Señorita + Shitmila Showmila Shawmila: On January 27, 2018, Camila, Shaky, and Andrew, Shavable’s manager, were papped in a restaurant eating pizza before the Pre-Grammy Gala in New York City. That meeting took place to propose the idea of the PR to C to help increase both Shallow’s music sales and his image. Camila was uncertain. 2017 had been a great year for her as a first time as a solo artist, and she knew that she would’ve to play her cards even better during 2018; plus, the PR with Matryoshka hadn’t even officially started and had already been postponed for a few months because the release of her album ‘Camila’ had been postponed.

Andrew explained to her that the PR with Chauffeur wasn’t going to be done right away at all, also because as C would have her PR relationship with EatchEW, Shanty would have that kind of PR relationship/not relationship with Hailey Baldwin (now Bieber) that only served to make people speculate and maintain the idea that Shazam wasn’t gay. Andrew also explained to her that their future PR relationship would benefit both of their careers because there would be a collaboration, a number 1 hit, which they would look for and use as a launchpad for the narrative. #friendswhothenfallinlove #RomeoandJulietbullshit

This perfect duet, went first to knock on Camila’s door, and then to Shuttle’s one in April 2018 in the form of Andrew Watt who already knew everything about the charade. Watt (he also worked on Havana and 7 songs for Romance including Señorita) co-wrote the song in April 2018, shortly before contacting Shitto, along with Jack Patterson, Ali Tamposi (she also worked on Havana, Consequences, and 6 songs for Romance including Señorita), and Charli XCX. [The same Charli who did an interview on October 21, 2019, in which she gave the true version of the story without even remotely mentioning Scab: “This Latin Pop flare just wasn’t right for who I am because I am not a part of that culture, I’m not from there. Whereas Camila has that in her blood, so when we wrote the song we thought about her and sent it to her.”]

Now that they had found the perfect song, and with the addition of Benny Blanco and Cashmere Cat in the production, all they had to do was convince Camila and her team. Charli XCX and C were the opening acts for Taylor Swift’s Reputation Tour from May 8 to October 6, 2018, during which Charli tried to persuade her to do the song by explaining how perfect it was for her. And who knows, maybe even since then they started working on it together since Camila, as she used to do, rewrote almost completely the lyrics to make it more her own. Ask that also to ‘Care About Me’ who turned into ‘The Boy’.

On August 4, still during the Reputation Tour, Shampoo went to the concert date in Toronto, and Taylor posted an Insta-story in which she put make-up and glitter on Shank’s eyelids. Sweaty regretted giving Taylor permission to post the video because people have always thought he was gay for years, and on November 26, 2018, the RollingStone interview was released in which he admitted that he felt the need to be photographed and seen with a girl to prove he isn’t gay. This was a great leverage they used with Camila since she could understand and help a friend in need. The work of persuasion lasted for about 9/10 months, from January 27, 2018, to the end of November/beginning of December 2018. Indeed, on December 5, 2018, both posted a picture taken on the 4th in the backstage of KISS 108’s Jingle Ball 2018 in Boston. Thanks to those pictures and C’s comment, word of their possible future collaboration began to spread. The plan was by then in place.

P.S. remember what happens to Romeo and Juliet, don’t you? Yeah. They die. And like Romeo and Juliet, they’re gonna (metaphorically speaking, of course) die too. Be patient, my babies, be patient.

🎉the🎊end🍾

I want comments now, guys. Which of these competitors you can’t stand the most and why, I’m curious. Put this 🐙 for Tissue, this 🐽 for Matte, and this 🐔 for Shrunken accompanied by the motivation. Let’s have some fun. 🥂

🖕🏼 this is mine for all of them, by the way.

As always, thanks, Mari. 🥰 Bye guys, I love you. Always with love, F. ❤️

#submission #f anon #mattmila tyren showmila timeline #so funny #anon #ask #how many names on this post #thanks you too much faby

116 notes · View notes

eldritchw1tch · 3 years

Text

i don’t want you like a best friend: a tswift-pimms playlist

link

this is the pimms playlist i spent more than a year working on from like, 2018 to the end of 2019! as such, it only contains music up through lover, not anything from folklore or evermore. @permets-2 finally poked me into posting the liner notes, which I gave up on because tumblr formatting was fighting me, so please know i haven’t actually looked at them since 2019 and there might still be missing things? idk.

this playlist is absolutely dedicated to my beloved @faiasakura, who did her own version of an all-tswift pimms playlist completely independently (we actively avoided comparing notes, lol), which can be found here!

i don’t really go here lately but i hope this is of interest to someone!

Prologue

1. Don’t Blame Me (reputation)

for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay

…

Lord save me, my drug is my baby

I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

Act 1: The Q

2. Gorgeous (reputation)

a crush

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

…

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But what can I say?

You're gorgeous

3. Treacherous (Red)

something magnetic, pulling them both in

And I'll do anything you say

If you say it with your hands

And I'd be smart to walk away

But you're quicksand

…

Your name has echoed through my mind

And I just think you should, think you should know

That nothing safe is worth the drive

And I will follow you, follow you home

4. Dress (reputation)

a shared and precious secret: love, desperate and messy and everything. But also: the scrutiny, the frenetic anxiety, the fear.

I’m spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we're both drunk

Everyone thinks that they know us

But they know nothing about—

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you

5. Tied Together With a Smile (Taylor Swift)

the pressure builds; jack’s anxiety gets worse

Hold on, baby you're losing it

The water's high, you're jumping into it

And letting go, and no one knows

That you cry, but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile

But you're coming undone

6. Long Live (Speak Now)

the glory, the playoffs, the memorial cup: the golden boys of hockey, on top of the world

Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

…

Hold on, to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall

7. State of Grace (Red)

the 34 days, inside kent’s euphoria

This is a state of grace

This is the worthwhile fight

Love is a ruthless game

Unless you play it good and right

These are the hands of fate

You’re my Achilles heel

this is the golden age of something good and right and real

8. Cruel Summer (Lover)

(that golden season and its dark underbelly)

So cut the headlights, summer's a knife

I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

9. Haunted (Speak Now)

the overdose: kent finds jack on the bathroom floor

Whoa, holding my breath

Won't lose you again

Something's made your eyes go cold

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

10. I Know Places (1989)

kent in the waiting room, holding on hope

Something happens when everybody finds out

See the vultures circling, dark clouds

Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out

It could burn out

…

Lights flash and we'll run for the fences

Let them say what they want, we won't hear it

Loose lips sink ships all the damn time

Not this time

Act 2: The Fallout

11. The Story of Us (Speak Now)

kent goes to the draft; jack won’t answer his calls

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room

And we're not speaking

And I'm dying to know

Is it killing you like it's killing me?

Yeah, and I don't know what to say

Since the twist of fate, when it all broke down

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

…

The battle's in your hands now

But I would lay my armor down

If you say you'd rather love than fight

12. Last Kiss (Speak Now)

jack and kent, the same realization from opposite sides

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don't know how to be something you miss

I never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

13. Death By A Thousand Cuts (Lover)

Starting to live with the devastation and the broken heart

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

’Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

14. If This Was A Movie (Speak Now)

regrets and memories

Last night, I heard my own heart beating

Sounded like footsteps on my stairs

Six months gone and I'm still reaching

Even though I know you're not there

I was playing back a thousand memories, baby

Thinkin' 'bout everything we've been through

Maybe I've been going back too much lately

When time stood still and I had you

15. Cold as You (Taylor Swift)

the grief and pain become anger and bitterness

And when you take, you take the very best of me

So I start a fight cause I need to feel something

And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

…

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray

And I stood there loving you and wished them all away

And you come away with a great little story

Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Interlude 1: Jack

16. I Almost Do (Red)

kent doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does (but jack doesn’t either)

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

‘Cause each time you reach out, there’s no reply

I bet it never, ever occurred to you

That I can’t say hello to you

And risk another goodbye

…

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

It’s probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

In my dreams, you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you

And I almost do

Act 3: Coming of Age in Vegas

17. New Romantics (1989)

vegas; teammates; living in the moment; drinking, dancing, and self-destructing

We're all here, the lights and boys are blinding

We hang back, it's all in the timing

It's poker

He can't see it in my face

But I'm about to play my Ace (ahh)

We need love, but all we want is danger

We team up, then switch sides like a record changer

The rumors are terrible and cruel

But honey, most of them are true

…

Heartbreak is the national anthem

We sing it proudly

We’re too busy dancing (yeah) to get knocked off our feet

Baby, we're the new romantics

The best people in life are free

18. Begin Again (Red)

kent starts to move on

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did

I've been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again

19. The Way I Loved You (Fearless)

all the drinking and dancing and dating still feel empty and hollow; he just wants to feel again; he just wants that love back

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name

I'm so in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breaking down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kind of rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

…

He can't see the smile I'm faking

And my heart's not breaking

'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

And you were wild and crazy

Just so frustrating

Intoxicating, complicated

20. The Lucky One (Red)

kent parson: the loneliest boy, so alone at the top of the world

You had it figured out since you were in school

Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool

So overnight, you look like a sixties queen

…

And they tell you that you’re lucky, but you’re so confused

'Cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used

And all the young things line up to take your place

—

Another name goes up in lights

You wonder if you’ll make it out alive

21. Come In With The Rain (Fearless)

(starting to move on is not the same as letting go)

I’ve watched you so long, screamed your name

I don’t know what else I can say

…

But I’ll leave my window open

'Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name

Just know I’m right here hoping

That you’ll come in with the rain

Act 4: Implosion

22. Out of the Woods (1989)

memories he can’t escape of a love like a car crash

The night we couldn't quite forget

When we decided, we decided

To move the furniture so we could dance

Baby, like we stood a chance

Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying

And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet?

…

You took a Polaroid of us

Then discovered (then discovered)

The rest of the world was black and white

But we were in screaming color

23. Red (Red)

Kent decides to go to epikegster

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati

Down a dead-end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin

Ending so suddenly

…

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head

In burning red

Loving him was red

24. The Last Time (Red)

didja miss me? (something tentative; something a little bit hopeful on both sides)

Find myself at your door

Just like all those times before

I’m not sure how I got there

All roads they lead me here

I imagine you are home

In your room, all alone

And you open your eyes into mine

And everything feels better

25. The Archer (Lover)

kent tries to extend an olive branch but it’s still covered in thorns

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

…

I've been the archer, I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling

But who could stay?

…

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

26. Bad Blood (1989)

jack’s answer to kent’s wounded lashing out

Oh, it's so sad to

Think about the good times

You and I

…

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you've done

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!

27. Breathe (Fearless)

kent, driving away from epikegster

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

…

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

…

And I can't breathe without you, but I have to

Breathe without you but I have to

28. All Too Well (Red)

despite all the pain, there’s an irresistible nostalgia for what they had all those years ago—for when things were so much simpler

Maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

'Til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

Too well

…

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it

Interlude 2: Kent

29. Fifteen (Fearless)

a memory, a reflection

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen and your first kiss

Makes your head spin 'round

But in your life you'll do things greater than

Dating the boy on the football team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

…

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

Act 5: Moving On, Growing Up

30. Clean (1989)

finally learning to be his own person, separate from that shared past

There was nothing left to do (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

When the butterflies turned to

Dust that covered my whole room

So I punched a hole in the roof (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

…

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud

But no one heard a thing

…

Rain came pouring down

When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe

And by morning

Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

31. 22 (Red)

friends and freedom, and real joy in that this time around

It feels like a perfect night

To dress up like hipsters

And make fun of our exes, uh-uh, uh-uh

It feels like a perfect night

For breakfast at midnight

To fall in love with strangers, uh-uh, uh-uh

…

Yeah

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

It's miserable and magical, oh, yeah

Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines

It's time, oh-oh

32. So It Goes… (reputation)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

'Cause we break down a little

But when you get me alone, it's so simple

'Cause baby, I know what you know

We can feel it

…

And all the pieces fall right into place

Getting caught up in a moment

Lipstick on your face

So it goes…

…

I'm yours to keep

And I'm yours to lose

You know I'm not a bad girl, but I

Do bad things with you

So it goes…

33. Dancing With Our Hands Tied (reputation)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

I, I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah, we love without reason

Oh, twenty-five years old

Oh, how were you to know?

…

Could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

…

I'd kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I'd hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

34. Wildest Dreams (1989)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

He's so tall and handsome as hell

He's so bad, but he does it so well

I can see the end as it begins

My one condition is

…

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your

Wildest dreams, ah-aah, haa

34. Shake It Off (1989)

At the top of his game, at the top of his sport, and actually happy at long last

I never miss a beat

I'm lightning on my feet

And that's what they don’t see, mm, mm

…

But I keep cruisin'

Can't stop, won't stop groovin'

It's like I got this music in my mind

Saying it's gonna be alright

…

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

35. Holy Ground (Red)

Remembering with enough distance and experience to appreciate what was, not ache from it

Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress

We had this big wide city all to ourselves

We blocked the noise with the sound of, "I need you"

And for the first time, I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story's got dust on every page

But sometimes, I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd

…

'Cause darling, it was good

Never looking down

And right there where we stood

Was holy ground

Act 6: Reunion

36. ME! (Lover)

reconnection, reconciliation, re-appreciation

I know I tend to make it about me

I know you never get just what you see

But I will never bore you, baby

(And there's a lot of lame guys out there)

…

'Cause one of these things is not like the others

Livin' in winter, I am your summer

Baby doll, when it comes to a lover

I promise that you'll never find another like me-e-e

37. This Love (1989)

an unexpected reawakening

Tossing, turning

Struggled through the night with someone new

And I could go on and on, on and on

Lantern, burning

Flickered in my mind, only you

But you were still gone, gone, gone

…

Been losing grip, on sinking ships

You showed up just in time

…

This love is good, this love is bad

This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh

These hands had to let it go free, and

This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

38. End Game (reputation) (ft. ed sheeran as jack)

After all this time, there are things they aren’t ever going to let go of again, no matter the trouble they bring

I got a bad boy persona, that's what they like (what they like)

You love it, I love it too 'cause you my type (You my type)

You hold me down, and I protect you with my life

…

I don't wanna touch you, I don't wanna be

Just another ex-love you don’t wanna see

I don’t wanna miss you (I don't wanna miss you)

Like the other girls do

I don’t wanna hurt you, I just wanna be

Drinking on a beach with you all over me

I know what they all say (I know what they all say)

But I ain't tryna play

…

I wanna be your end game (End game)

I wanna be your first string (First string)

I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team)

I wanna be your end game, end game

39. You Are In Love (1989)

something real; something sacred; something to build a life on

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out)

You are in love, true love

You are in love

…

You kiss on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night, he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says "You're my best friend"

And you knew what it was, he is in love

40. Change (Fearless)

when the two biggest hockey players of their generation come out of the closet—together—are in love with each other—it changes more lives than just theirs

So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered

It's hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found

They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

You can walk away, say we don't need this

But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this

…

'Cause these things will change

Can you feel it now?

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down

This revolution, the time will come

For us to finally win

And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah

Oh, oh

41. Call It What You Want (reputation)

When it stops mattering what anyone else thinks

All my flowers grew back as thorns

Windows boarded up after the storm

He built a fire just to keep me warm

All the drama queens taking swings

All the jokers dressing up as kings

They fade to nothing when I look at him

And I know I make the same mistakes every time

Bridges burn, I never learn

At least I did one thing right

I did one thing right

I'm laughing with my lover, makin' forts under covers

Trust him like a brother

Yeah, you know I did one thing right

Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night

…

My baby's fit like a daydream

Walking with his head down

I'm the one he's walking to

So call it what you want, yeah

Call it what you want to

42. Lover (Lover)

love

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

And this is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

…

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close?

Forever and ever, ah

Take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my lover

43. New Year’s Day (reputation)

love

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi

I can tell that it's gonna be a long road

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

…

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we're making mistakes

I want your midnights

But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

44. Daylight (Lover)

Building a new life in the daylight

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven

I'll tell you truth, but never goodbye

…

I once believed love would be (burning red)

But it's golden

Like daylight, like daylight

Like daylight, daylight

…

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

56 notes · View notes

jcisthebestfightme · 4 years

Text

BJYX Song #2: Nan Hai (Boy)

BJYX Song Series List

Okay dd, I promised I will write Nan Hai for you so here we go.

Disclaimer: My own thoughts only. I overthink. Don’t take this seriously.

This song is so complicated to analyze because dd changed the lyrics multiple times. I initially didn’t believe in the lyrics changing thing but I went back to watch the videos carefully and if you look at his mouth’s shape, the lyrics are definitely changed. And “ending CAN be changed” is super clear, which mean it’s not completely delusional to think he changed “thinking of you” to “meeting you”.

undefined

youtube

I think I will start with the original lyrics but also talk about why he changed the lyrics at where he did.

曾经意外他和他相爱 (Once upon a time, by accident, he fell in love with her/him)

在不会犹豫的时代 (In a time where people to do hesitate [to fall in love])

To me, the “accident” refers to love at first sight. We know that dd claims to fall in love at first sight and many clues (similar WB post, asking for wechat, handgun etc.) points to dd at least being attracted to gg at first sight. I think for “Nan hai” to fit, we must subscribe to the 2017 meeting love at first sight theory. The reason being dd singing this song first on 3/30/2018, which is 2 days after knowing he will play LWJ but before he got to know gg personally. It’s also possible he already likes this song and then later realize it fits gg and gave it to him. But then that means he’s thinking of someone else when he loves this song so much. And then he gave this song to gg? Wouldn’t he betraying that other person when he willing, unprompted gave the song to gg? This is why I stand the 2017 love at first sight.

The “accident” can also be referring to falling in love or being attracted with a guy. It’s definitely not very conventional and for dd who was only 19 when meeting gg, it must’ve been a surprise. This theme also carries on to the next line, “in a time where people don’t hesitate”. I think this also points to homosexuality in this context because it’s talking about a time where people are more open. The original lyrics probably just refers to people being more open to dating in modern times.

以为明白 (I thought I understood)

所以爱得痛快 (So I loved very straightforwardly)

一双手紧紧放不开 (A pair of hands, unwilling to let go)

I’m under the assumption that gg and dd did not actually stay in contact after meeting in 2017. The reason being that if adding the WeChat is true, then it’s also true they said in an interview that they already added WeChat and never talked. If they did talk, they would try to hide this fact and not mention the already being friends on WeChat at all. With that in mind, I think this part of the lyrics that original is describing a past relationship that he can’t let go of doesn’t fit our story in March 2018. We can only say that dd may be referring to his naiveness and that he “thought he understood” love so he’s more straightforward about his love. “A pair of hands unwilling to let go” may be about how he’s not willing to let go of gg, thus being persistent.

In summer 2019 when dd mentions this song again, dd may be talking about his initial bluntness when approaching gg. We can see in the bts how obvious he is about his adoration. But over time, he probably learned that love is more than just telling the other person. Because of their status and environment, they often have to hide their love so it can no longer be as straightforward so it was in the beginning. But even then, he’s still unwilling to let go of gg.

心中的执着与未来 (The persistence and future in my heart)

In March 2018, the “persistence” matches with dd’s persistence to try to get close to gg. He was persistent about getting the role of LWJ, putting in his picture twice and then auditioning in person. The “future” refers to the unknown that will come with filming CQL. In summer 2019, the “persistence” is his willingness to keep fighting for their relationship even though it’s hard. The “future” at this point has more longevity and is about them spending their life together.

忘不了你的爱 (I can’t forget your love)

但结局难更改 (But the ending cannot be changed)

The original lyrics here is the singer who already broke up with his lover and is reminiscing about their love. He’s sad that he cannot change their ending. In March 2018, dd is probably referring to not being about to forget gg even though they only met briefly. When he sang this song on 3/30/18, he changed “cannot” to “can”. He knew that he will be playing LWJ already so he’s changing his own ending by pursuing this role. Not surprise our little lion cub has decided to take destiny into his own hands and change a tragic ending into a happy one.

In ttxs recording in July, 2019, “忘不了你的爱 (I can’t forget your love)” is the line that he purposefully wrote, and then looked at gg right afterwards. This means that this is the line that stuck out to him the most at this point in time. He’s telling gg that he will remember their love for the rest of their life. Compare this to June 2018 where when prompted to sing the song, he chose to sing the first line “曾经意外他和他相爱 (Once upon a time, by accident, he fell in love with her/him)”. At that point, their love is just the beginning of the story and it’s more just dd falling for gg. Now in 2019, their relationship has developed into not being able to forget each other.

我没能把你留下来 (I couldn’t make you stay)

更不像他能给你一个期待的未来 (Unlike him/her, who could give you a expected future)

那幼稚的男孩 (That childish boy)

The original meaning of going through a breakup doesn’t fit again. But I think the second line refers to homosexuality. Dd feels like he can’t give gg an “expected future” because of their gender. Here, I think he’s coming himself to a girl, any girl, that can give gg what others may call a “complete, happy family.”

He can also be insecure about his age. Since he’s much younger, he’s not sure what kind of future he can give gg. The “childish boy” refers to himself. Dd has always been insecure about his age compare to gg, evident whenever gg calls him a “kid”. (Fun fact: “That boy with a mole” is a homophone here so people joke he’s actually referring to gg.)

你的关怀一直随身携带 (Your caring, I bring it with me everywhere)

无人的地方再打开 (I open it [the caring] only when no one is already)

Here, I think it’s amazing that dd may not have known gg well at that point but can already tell he’s a very caring person. And in my own opinion, I think gg’s meticulous care for dd is what makes dd falls hard for him.

想问你现在 (I want to ask if right now)

是否忧伤不再 (you are no longer sad)

像躺在阳光下的海 (Just like the ocean under the sun)

像用心涂抹的色彩 (like colors painted with love)

让你微笑起来勇敢起来 (Let you smile again, brave again)

Here, there are coincidental reference to gg: painted colors because is an artist and smile because gg has a beautiful smile.

On dd’s birthday in 2019, gg was in Abu Dhabi and he posted an image of the ocean on instagram. The photo was time stamp at 17:52, which is 1:52pm in Abu Dhabi. If you on QQ, the time at “1:52” of “Nan Hai” is the “just like ocean under the song”. I can just imagine gg, looking at the ocean on dd’s birthday, thinking of him, thinking of his favorite song and taking a photo of it and sharing it. It’s definitely something I would do but would be too afraid no one will understand. And gg is known to do this, as pointed out by his solo fans. He timestamp a song lyrics from the album Kepler for his fans (see Analysis of Blue Sky White Cloud.)

想你就现在 (Thinking of you now)

想你每当我又徘徊 (Thinking of you whenever I waver/wonder)

This is the part dd changed from “thinking” to “meeting” when he sang this song (4/2), the day before meeting gg for the first time on set (4/3). This is like fate has given him a second chance of meeting. To me, the way he sang this part is full of gratitude and unwillingness to let go of this love again.

所有遗憾的都不是未来 (All regrets are in the past, they are not conducive for our future)

所有爱最后都难免逃不过伤害 (All love will have some inevitable pain)

不必再重来 (It doesn’t need to be repeat)

This part gives me a lot of hope. The original lyrics is trying to use this part to let go of this past relationship and move on. However, I think to dd, it means that they have a bright future ahead of them that he’s not willing to let go. In 2019, it can mean that whatever pain/misunderstanding they may have in the past year, they will move on to the future together. What is interesting is that the third line doesn’t specify “they.” Is it the “pain” that cannot be avoided or the “love” that they shared that should not be repeated? I think the original song’s meaning is the past love but for ggdd, it’s the any pain in their journey.

现在我只希望疼痛来得更痛快 (Right now I just want the pain to come faster)

反正不能够重来 (Since [this love] cannot be redone)

In the original song, this ending implies that the singer has decided to wrap up this relationship with a nice bow and let go of it completely since he has determined they will not get together. What about ggdd? Their love hasn’t/can’t/won’t end, right? So what did dd do when he sang this song in April, 2018? He didn’t sing these two lines at all! He left the recording right before when this will come up in the song. He basically sang the whole song (the beginning was cut off but it seems like he was singing before the clip started) but left right before the very end. Why? Is it because he knows this love is not going to be in the past? Is it because he’s unwilling to ever let go of it?

You can argue that maybe he stop singing because he forgot the lyrics or that his throat was hurting (you can see him cough afterwards.) However, he was already lip-syncing some parts towards the end of the bridge. He could’ve continue to do so until the song ends, which is what people would logically do since it’s almost over. Probably my own delusional thinking again LOL

This is probably the most complicated analysis I’ve ever done since dd sang it during multiple time points and he changed the lyrics. But after writing this, I believe in their love even more, especially if you think about when and why he chose to sing certain parts and leave out others. Overall, I think this song is dd feeling insecure about his age and gender to be able to give gg a stable future. There’s definitely pain in this song but also a lot of love. Dd, you are the most passionate “nan hai” and will be loved by the passionate “nan hai.”

#bjyx #yizhan #nan hai

177 notes · View notes

femslashhistorian · 3 years

Text

Cat / Kara / Lena Fic Recs

In this fanfiction recommendation I have collected my two favorite Kara Danvers/Cat Grant (SuperCat) and my four favorite Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor (SuperCarp?, SuperCatCorp) stories and a complicated story that I love that is mostly Cat Grant/Lena Luthor (read the full rec).

SuperCat was one of the most popular ships in season one and continues to be popular. The chemistry between both Kara and Cat and Kara and Lena is undeniable and while Cat and Lena never met in canon, this has never stopped anyone from shipping them in a polyamorous relationship with Kara. While not hugely popular, there is a decent number of fics on AO3.

Cat/Lena is a rarepair but in some of the polyamorous stories Cat and Lena are in a relationship first.

Featured stories - Detailed recs and links after the cut

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor

Between Two Mountains by fiddle_stix04 *

With Love's Light Wings by writerstealth (orphan_account) *

Promise Not To Break by SpaceshipsAreCool

I Wish I Could Carry You Away by PoppyCartinelli

Cat Grant/Lena Luthor (it’s complicated)

Art is Expensive by DangersUntoldHardshipsUnnumbered *

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant (SuperCat)

Commander in Chief by fictorium

Asking Too Much by fictorium

Note: * are my favorites

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor

The first two fics are by favorites. They have a very different dynamics and settings:

With Love's Light Wings is an AU set post season 2 in which Cat returns to National City. Between Two Mountains is set around season 5 (and diverges from canon then) and in this story Lena left National City, heartbroken because of Kara’s betrayal. Instead of the stupid things she did in canon, she does something much more sensible: she escapes to her ski resort.

Between Two Mountains by fiddle_stix04

Cat Grant/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor

Completed, 3 chapters, 74k words, 2020

Mature; smut with story

Lena runs off to her Metropolis ski resort to put Kara out of her mind. Across the globe, Cat's grueling schedule is no longer working to distract her from where she really wants to be, and as luck would have it, Carter has found the perfect vacation spot in Metropolis. But he needs a babysitter while on the slopes. Since Kara's powers are fritzing while she nurses her own despair, a vacation away from the demands of National City would be just the thing.

This story starts with a very hurt Lena and a fascinating look back on Cat and Kara's past, told from Cat's perspective. Cat and Lena meet for the first time and start an affair (or more?) before Kara can start her holiday.

I enjoyed this wonderful, very well written story. It is funny, witty, smutty and pretty much angst free. I especially loved Cat and Lena’s banter.

Favorite quote

“You received my thank you note for your donation?”

Lena laughed and leaned back in her seat. “I seem to recall it saying something about not destroying your city, your hero, and your assistant. I don’t really remember much of a ‘thank you,’ however.”

“Then I suppose it was really just a note,” Cat shrugged, unconcerned. “But it’s the thought that counts,” Cat said, eyes twinkling.

With Love's Light Wings by writerstealth (orphan_account)

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor

Completed, 19 chapters, 34k words, 2017

Explicit; ESP!Lena (Extrasensory perception); post Season 2 AU

Three women, each with their own sets of walls, find that they need each other to bring them down. Set about two years on from current S2 canon, Kara is a more seasoned reporter, more comfortable and mature. Her friendship with Lena Luthor has long teetered on the edge of becoming something more, but her lingering hangup on Cat Grant has kept it from even starting.

Lena Luthor is a lonely woman with ESP that she developed as a teenager after an accident in her brother's lab. The irony is bitter; she's subjected to everyone's feelings, like it or not, yet struggles to ever share her own. Cat Grant returns to National City to resume her role at CatCo, despite her own unresolved feelings for Kara, and things become complicated for all three of them as they realize that what they need is something different from what they ever thought or expected.

This is an AU, although the premise of the story only really diverges from canon of Season 1 and early season 2 in Lena's powers and that Lena and Cat meet. After that, it obviously diverges more from canon.

I am always a bit skeptical when Lena gets (super)powers in a fic, but my concerns were unfounded. This is a great and beautifully written story.

Favorite quote

“Lena was the first person who even began to make me think I could have something with someone anywhere near as good as you.”

Cat looked a little sad at that. “So, you do love her, then.”

Kara nodded. “Yeah. She’s a lot like you in ways, but then… in others, not. But… she’s been there for me so many times, and taken care of me, and tried to protect me, just like you. You know, protect me in… in the ways I can’t do for myself.” She smiled a little, then. “And she needs so much love, just the way you do.”

She couldn’t stand the wistful look on Cat’s face, so she kissed her again, so lightly, so carefully, imagining her lips and tongue as a butterfly coming to rest on Cat’s mouth.

Promise Not To Break by SpaceshipsAreCool

Cat Grant/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor

Completed, 8 chapters, 32k words, 2017

Explicit, dom!Cat, dom!Lena, sub!Kara

When Cat and Lena fell in love, they accepted that they would have to forgo certain desires in order to be together. For over five years they’ve been happy with that decision, but when Cat’s new assistant enters their lives, they can’t help but wonder if there’s another way.

What is really different in this story, is that Cat and Lena are together, have been married for years. I love their interaction. And their jealously and protectiveness for Kara. Cat and Lena are drawn to Kara, but they are afraid to start anything.

There is smut in the last chapters, but considering the tags, this story is really not that kinky. I enjoyed this well written story.

Favorite quote

“Don’t tell me you fired that young blonde one, Cat, she was cute. Do you know she blushed the most delightful shade of red when I complimented her cardigan the last time you sent her to my office?”

Cat shook her head, standing up from her chair and coming around her desk to greet Lena with a soft kiss. […] “She doesn’t need any encouragement in that area, Lena, but don’t worry, I haven’t fired her, I just sent her to get me a fresh latte. Aside from her continued horrendous taste in clothes, for which I apparently have you to blame, she’s actually decent at her job. And no-” Cat raised a finger, shushing her wife before she could interject, “if you tell her I said that, I don’t care how ‘cute’ you think her reaction will be. I’ll fire her and you’ll be sleeping in the spare room for a month.”

I Wish I Could Carry You Away by PoppyCartinelli

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant/Lena Luthor

Completed, 1 chapter, 7k words, 2018

General audiences

Disaster strikes, but our local heroine saves the day

Lena and Cat get stuck in a remote cabin for a day or two. Set after Cat left national city to join the government. Cat and Lena know that Kara is Supergirl.

Nice medium length fic. Angst free, lighthearted and soft.

Cat Grant/Lena Luthor – it’s complicated

Art is Expensive by DangersUntoldHardshipsUnnumbered

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant, Cat Grant/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor/Veronica Sinclair

Completed, 12 Chapters, 18k words, 2018

Mature; Cheating, infidelity, complicated relationships, end of relationships, angst; minor character death

Human disasters making a mess of things.

I have written about this story before, but I have expanded on my notes here.

Cat cheats on Kara with Lena (who is in a relationship with Veronica). Things get messy and complicated.

None of these are really my favorite ships and this is not something I knew I wanted, but I am mesmerized by this story. It is beautiful and so well written. It is told from Cats and Lena’s POV.

If you are looking for angst free, fluffy, and the usual Supergirl pairings, then this fic is not for you. But if you are open for an unexpected, bittersweet tour de force with a slightly unconventional happy ending, then definitely give this one a try.

Kara is asexual in this story, but while she has a role in this story, she is not the main protagonist. This is also not a happy story and while there is hope and some new beginnings, this is mostly a story about infidelity and the end of relationships.

And as this sums it up so much better than I could summarize it, let me also copy paste in a comment and the author’s response from AO3 here:

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant (SuperCat)

Commander in Chief by fictorium

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant

Completed, 21 Chapters, 73k words, 2017-2018

Mature; No powers AU (Alternate Universe), President!Cat, Lobbyist!Kara

45th President of the United States, Catherine Jane Grant, is entering the third year of her first term. Enter Myriad International, the country's most formidable environmental lobbying group, and their newest recruit: Kara Danvers.

With an ill-timed remark in a White House meeting, Kara makes an impression on Cat, who isn't about to let being President stop her pursuing the first woman in years to intrigue her. Can they overcome their political conflict to get closer?

Plot broadly lifted from Sorkin's 'The American President' :)

While it is (also) a story about Kara and Cat falling in love, it is probably more a fic about two people overcoming the first big crisis of their relationship.

While the point of view switches between Kara and Cat, I feel this is more a Cat than a Kara story, that Cat is the main protagonist.

While strictly speaking you don't need to know anything about the Supergirl TV show to enjoy this story you will probably enjoy it more if you do know it - in particular Season 1. I liked that many characters are featured and have small supporting roles: Hank, Alex, Winn, James (even Mon-El has a few scenes and gets what he deserves ;-) and especially Lena, Lucy, Astra and Sam - they are all written lovingly and their roles in the story nicely fit with their characters.

It is very well written and perfectly edited and very fast paced. I think it is mostly due to the quality of the writing that I liked this story a lot, even though I am not the biggest SuperCat shipper.

Notes:

This story has no relation to the short lived TV show of the same name (2005, with Gena Davies) that I actually enjoyed.

I have not seen the movie the author mentioned this story is based on

Favorite quotes

She walks down the short corridor and finds herself joining a line of guests waiting to go through the metal detectors. Just like at the airport, Kara has a vague sense of unease, as though she might have forgotten putting a machete in her clutch, or a titanium rod in place of her shinbone.

Completely irrational, and yet she can feel a prickle of sweat at her hairline.

But she steps through without a single beep, and then she’s being greeted by none other than James Olsen, White House Press Secretary.

The day is unbearably long, topped off by a trip to honor some… thing in Pennsylvania that Cat just hopes she was handed the right speech for. No one lost their mind on Air Force One on the way home, at least, and back from Allentown was only a short ride. It makes her too late for Carter’s goodnight, and that always darkens her mood. She looks in on him, pile of briefing memos in one hand, and smiles at how peaceful he is when he sleeps.

Asking Too Much by fictorium

Kara Danvers/Cat Grant

Completed, 29 Chapters, 94k words, 2015-2016

Explicit; diverges strongly form canon as the story goes on

Anonymous said to fictorium:

Cat needs a date to a party, she convinces Kara to go with her ("You're my assistant, nobody will think anything of it").

That's how it began.

Only it's not Kara who steps out on the red carpet, but Supergirl. As they continue with the public deception, chaos erupts around them: battles fought, lives lost, enemies old and new. Somewhere in there Kara and Cat have to deal with what happens when pretend feelings become all too real, along with the additional complications from Superman and both of the sisters Lane.

Ultimately, Kara has to find a way to make her ever-changing life workable. Can she do that while keeping Cat, her secret identity, and her family intact?

I am usually not that much into SuperCat but this story’s summery caught my eye. The premise is interesting, the power dynamics is quite intriguing and there is hot sex. The story goes far beyond the typical fake dating trope and is mostly about Kara. I was fascinated by her development, especially in the aspect of Kara’s vs Supergirl’s identity. This story drives this into a direction that is pretty uncommon in fics.

Note: I had written about the last three fics before, but I have slightly updated the recs for this post.

There are a few additional Cat/Kara/Lena stories (which I have not read and most of which are incomplete) on the Polyamorous Femslash Fanfiction Masterlist on my WordPress blog

This was cross-posted to tumblr and my WordPress blog

If you liked this, you might also enjoy

SuperReignCorp Fic Recs – Part 2 [tumblr] [WordP]

AgentReignCorp Fic Recs [tumblr] [WordP]

SuperRojasCorp Fic Recs [tumblr] [WordP]

#supercat #cat x kara x lena #kara x cat #cat grant x Lena luthor #supergirl femslash #femslash fanfic rec #polyamory #fanfic rec #fanfiction recommendation

36 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 44

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: okayyy so here it is. time passes quicker, and youll see itll be like that in the last few chapters too. i hope you like this one, i hope youll like the last few chapters. im a bit nervous so i hope it’s not too bad! oh yea and i used a manip someone made on instagram, just thought it was cool haha!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : some requests i used here but ill only post them in the next chapter because i don’t want to spoil anything!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 44 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

August 9th, 2018

That was it. We were done with an other season and I couldn't believe what we accomplished. What I accomplished. We had filmed the last scene two days ago, right on time for me to go see Niall perform in LA two nights in a row and the party organised to celebrate the end of this season was scheduled on the first night of his week off. Everything seemed to fit perfectly together and I was happy. I was genuinely and truly happy.

"Did I tell you how much I missed you?" I heard my boyfriend whisper near my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, making a shiver cross my whole body.

"Mm yes, about a million times in the past 3 days." I replied with a chuckle, tilting my head as he pressed his lips gently on my neck.

I had missed him so much too. We had spent over a month apart and just like I expected, we were even stronger than we were before and that said a lot. We had talked every single day on facetime but it was never the same than to be able to smell him, feel him, taste him... just seeing him face to face was different than on a screen and I had no idea how i'd be able to spend an other 5 weeks separated from him.

"Okay then, did I tell you how good you look tonight?"

I laughed again and turned around in his arms, tilting my chin up to look in his eyes. We were a bit farther from the others, slightly hiding by a part of the wall, and i licked my lips, hoping no one was paying attention to us.

"I'm literally wearing an old pair of jeans that shows how big my ass is and a plain t-shirt." I pointed out. "But thank you."

As if it was a suitable answer, his hands slid from my back to my butt and he squeezed it, making me laugh again.

"I love your ass."

"And in public too?" I asked with an amused smile, my eyebrows raised. "Are you drunk?"

He chuckled and bent down to kiss my lips and i let him, feeling his warm mouth move gently and slowly against mine. No matter how many times we kissed, it always felt amazing, and no one else tasted that good.

"We should go back to the others." I pointed out in a low voice. "They're gonna start wondering where we are."

"Mm, I don't care." he whispered against my lips, making me chuckle low.

"Come on." I just replied, finally taking a step back and tilting my head on the side. "We can cuddle tonight."

We walked back in the room hand in hand and I noticed Dylan looking at us. He sent me a small smile that I answered as I tried to ignore Heidi, sitting next to him. They had been dating for longer than I thought they would and I was wondering if he still thought everything he had told me about her the last time we discussed it. I really thought it was a good thing for him to be with someone else, I just thought it sucked that she was the one he had picked. Still, it was none of my business and I couldn't stop him from inviting her to this party. After all, it was his tv show too, and I owed him a lot. I was well aware that it was more popular because he was the male lead and I knew how lucky I was to act with him.

As soon as we sat down, Heidi and Dylan got up but she left to the other side of the room and he walked to us, sitting in front of my boyfriend. I didn't know if this was about to be awkward but before we could say anything, I heard my phone and frowned. I grabbed it quickly and excused myself, knowing it was even more awkward that I left my boyfriend and my ex boyfriend together.

"Hey Louis, you're calling at a very weird moment." I just said with a smile.

"That's me specialty, love." he let out as a joke, making me chuckle. "You mom tried to call you apparently, but she couldn't reach you so she called my phone. Sweet sweet lady with an incredibly strong accent. It always surprises me."

I rolled my eyes but a smile still drew itself on my lips. "What did she want?"

"She said it was not urgent but she wanted to talk to you, make sure you're not dead or something."

I raised my nose up. "Don't joke with that."

"Sorry love, I didn't mean to bring back... that memory." he apologized after a few seconds of silence. "She doesn't know though, does she?"

"No, only you, me, Niall, and I'm guessing El?"

"Olivia, I didn't tell that to anyone, not even El." Louis admitted, making me smile fondly. "This is no one's business but yours. I promise to keep that secret forever."

"Thank you, Lou." I whispered before swallowing.

I hated to remember that moment of weakness I had, even if I knew it was part of why I was who and where I was today. I really had to hit rock bottom to kick myself up and finally breathe again. If my relationship with Niall was so strong now, it was partly because I had worked on myself and although I knew I still had work to do, I was stronger than I used to be when I first dated Niall. Of course, swallowing all the pills I could find was not my smartest or strongest moment but I was trying to forgive myself.

"Oh you want to hug me right now don't you?" Louis joked, making me laugh through my tears. "I know you!"

I laughed and wipe my eyes quickly before licking my lips. "Yea, I drank a bit too so it doesn't help. I'll text you soon, Lou."

"You better. Love you, queen."

I smiled fondly at the nickname and closed my eyes. "Love you too."

I hung up and texted my mom quickly before going back to the table. Dylan was now sitting next to Niall and it made me frown. I knew they were both a bit tipsy and I didn't want anything bad to happen between them. Gladly, I knew Niall was not into confrontation and Dylan was quite laid-back too. Plus, he was probably over me by then and if they could just accept each other's company, it would be enough for me. I didn't expect them to become close friends, of course, but It would be nice if it wasn't awkward between them anymore.

"Oh and that small.. whimper or whisper she makes when you slip your hand in her panties." I heard Niall comment before Dylan chuckled.

"Right." he agreed, shaking his head gently. "And she's always so ready too."

A tiny part of me wanted to stay and listen to what they were going to say but the part of me that was angry was definitely bigger. I took a step closer but held my breath when Dylan started talking again.

"Let's say it's different than Heidi."

"No man, I ain't going there." Niall laughed while shaking his head before taking a sip of his beer.

"No, I mean, Heidi is very sexy but it's that... that connection, you know?" I frowned and my lips parted when Niall laughed again.

"I don't want to hear about the 'connection' you had with my girlfriend, O'Brien." he pointed out, turning his almost empty beer with his fingers.

"No yea, I know. I just mean that... it's different when you love someone."

"Are you two really comparing how Heidi and I are in bed?"

Both of them jumped so high I thought they were about to fall off their chairs. I wanted to look at their reaction but I decided to focus on my boyfriend and when he turned around, his face changed and I could read fear in his eyes. I crossed my arms on my chest and shook my head, licking my lips.

"That's fucking disgusting. I don't deserve that, and Heidi doesn't either."

This time, I read surprise in Niall's eyes and glanced at Dylan who seemed as shocked as my boyfriend. Oh I still didn't like Heidi, but that didn't mean it was okay for them to discuss about how she was in bed.

"Just because both of you had the chance to fuck us both doesn't give you the right to share gossips about us." I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my anger inside and breathed in deeply. "That's fucking wrong."

I turned on my heels and left before I stopped and turned around again to look at them. "I'm mad at you both, by the way, if that wasn't clear enough."

I walked quickly to my dressing room and closed the door before holding myself against the counter, closing my eyes. I was torn between being mad that they could easily talk about me like that and being relieved that they could actually talk to each other without it being awkward. After a few minutes, I heard a knock at the door and thinking it was probably one of them, I swung the door open but my face changed when I noticed my assistant. My lips curled and I raised my eyebrows a bit surprised.

"You left quickly, are you okay?" she asked, concern written all over her face.

I made a quick head movement to incite her to walk in and closed the door behind her before we both sat down, her on the couch and me on a chair. Tinka was fairly new since my old assistant had to leave due to a pregnancy and we immediately bounded. She was gorgeous and I had to admit I was a bit jealous of her, not only for her looks but also for the way she attracted people easily and all that charisma she had probably inherited at birth, but at the same time, I felt connected to her too and I could never hate her.

"Okay so, I wanted to show you something. I mean at first I was not sure if I should, because I shouldn't have filmed it in first place, but..." she blabbed nervously before shaking her head. "I'll just show you."

She took her phone and clicked on a few things before handing it to me. I frowned, taking it cautiously before noticing she was showing me a video. I clicked on play and my eyes got bigger when I noticed Niall, sitting at the cafeteria as Heidi sat down in front of him. The first part of the conversation was hard to hear but Niall seemed confused and when she handed him a sheet of paper, I frowned again. He stared at what was written on it and finally, she put her hand on top of his and I felt my heart jump high in my throat. The second part of the conversation though, I heard it very clearly.

“You’re right. We should get back together, Niall.” Heidi said with a soft voice. “I mean, I know you’re trying to make me jealous with her but let’s be real. Who could really be jealous of her?"

This time, my heart sank in my chest and I swallowed hard. I was worth more than Heidi gave me credits for, I knew it now, but I also knew she would never see it. Perhaps, she was too busy trying to win Niall back.

“Do you even listen to yourself? You know damn well I’m with Liv and.. aren’t you with Dylan? I love her, okay! I’m not trying to make anyone jealous, I’m just trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved… the way I failed to love her the first time. And you have nothing to do with any of this. What even makes you think I want to be with you?"

I bit my bottom lip, breathing in deeply again and trying to suppress a small smile of relief when I heard my boyfriend's words. The fact that he admitted that he failed to love me right the first time made something stir in my stomach. I knew that failed relationship was not just on him, but it was nice to hear him admit that, especially to someone else.

“Because of that song! You wrote it for me and put it in one of my boxes for me to find!” she argued with him.

I saw Niall roll his eyes and his next words were as harsh as the tone he had used.

“I wrote this about Olivia! I wrote that in the first week I saw her again at the bakery after not seeing her for over a year. It isn’t about you, Heidi. It got in one of your boxes by mistake!” he let out rudely. “I love Olivia, not you. You need to let it go, okay? And those instagram posts you make.. For fuck’s sake, Heidi! What’s the point? Make me feel bad? Alright, I’m sorry I cheated on you, I should have broken up with you before and that was a mistake, okay? Now please, leave me the fuck alone.”

The video stopped but I still stared at the screen, lost in my thoughts, until Tinka talked again.

"I don't know why i recorded this, and I know I shouldn't have, I'm sorry." she apologized again. "But it was recorded anyway so I mean, why not show it to you?"

I just stared at the thumbnail of the video again before clicking on the 'delete' button and when it asked me if I was sure, I clicked on 'yes' without hesitation.

"Thanks, Tinka. I deleted it." I finally said, looking up at her before she nodded. "But thank you for showing me. Just... don't do that again, please. Niall and I we're both very... private."

I handed her her phone back just as an other knock was heard at the door. We both got up and I opened the door as she walked past Niall. He nodded at her and finally turned back to me, his hands in his pockets. I couldn't help but tilt my head, glancing down at him, telling myself once again how good he looked. I also couldn't stop thinking about the way he had told Heidi he loved me and it made me want to hug him.

"Olivia, I'm.. so sorry."

I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows, expecting more than just a simple apology.

"You're right. It was so wrong, and we shouldn't have." he added, making me lick my lips. "We were literally trying to find something to talk about, and it was so awkward... the only thing we really have in common is you. But we shouldn't have."

I let my shoulders fall and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. "So I really make some sort of whimper when you slip your hand in my panties?"

He chuckled and took one of his hands out of his pocket to pass it in his hair. "Yea, you do. But I'm slightly jealous knowing you also whimper like that when he did it. I thought I was special."

"Oh, poor little boy thought he was special." I joked, making him grimace too. "Come here."

I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him inside before closing the door behind him. He was close to me, so close I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine, and when my ass met the counter, I smiled more. He chuckled as he stared down in my eyes and shook his head slightly.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Mm, maybe."

I felt his hand slip in my jeans and panties and my eyes fluttered slightly as my lips parted as I let lout a whimper despite myself.

"And now?" he asked, clearly amused by the effect he had on me.

"I'll tell you in a few minutes." I whispered, tilting my chin up to look at him better.

I felt two of his fingers brush gently on my clit before he slipped them inside me. I moved one of my legs up on the counter and he moved closer to me, bending down slightly until his lips were only a few inches away from mine.

"You're all mine, yea?" he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip. "Say it."

"Mm, I'm all yours Niall." I breathed out, blinking a few times. "I belong to you."

"Fuck yes you do."

He started fingering me quickly, making sure his palm was rubbing against my clit and when I felt an orgasm spread all over my body, I let my head fall back and shook slightly as he pressed his mouth against mine. I could feel his lips curl as I came and I finally got down from my high, whimpering low and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Okay, I forgive you." I whispered, kissing him deeply for a few seconds before moving my head slightly back. "Do you think that's how Dylan will want to be forgiven too?"

I laughed lightly at the face he made and I heard him groan low. "I'll kill him."

I shook my head a bit and my amused smile turned into a fond one. "You know, I never ever moaned his name." I admitted, licking my lips. "I only do that with you."

He looked happy with my confession but he still raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because... I was always scared I'd moan your name instead."

His face changed and somehow, I could read love in his eyes and it made me swallow hard. He remained silent and my lips parted again.

"I've never stopped loving you, Niall." I murmured. "I told you."

"Guess what, Olivia?" he let out in a soft tone, his eyes roaming quickly on my face. "I never stopped loving you either."

�� ----

August 15th, 2018

Dylan had stopped me before I left and had apologized to me profusely. He even texted me the next day to apologize again and I forgave him immediately. Maybe it was because I felt a bit guilty for not telling him about the video Tinka had showed me where his girlfriend was blatantly trying to get back with my boyfriend, but It was easy to forgive him and I knew he felt horrible about it. I was still unsure if I should tell him and at the same time, I didn't want to be the reason of their break-up, or even of a fight so I deciced to ignore it for now but that didn't stop me from feeling bad.

It was almost time for Niall to go back on tour and I felt extremely nervous about it. It had taken me about a week to decide on what I would do. I wanted to go with him but at the same time, I didn't want to be the clingy girlfriend who followed him everywhere. With time, I realized that I could follow him without going back to my old habits but I still had no idea how to tell him. He hadn't mentioned it again, probably because he didn't want to sound pushy or make me feel like I had to follow him, but my insecurity sometimes tried to make me believe it was because he didn't really want to spend so long with me.

"Why did you want me to come with you, Louis?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and turning to him as he was parking. "You know it's one of my last few days with Niall."

Louis laughed and shook his head, turning to me to look in my eyes.

"We both know you're gonna follow him on tour, Liv. Who are you trying to fool?" he said, his accent thick. "You can spend a few hours with your best friend, can't ya?"

I felt my heart skip a beat at how well Louis knew me, sometimes even better than I knew myself, and I realized that I had opened up to him like I had never opened up with anyone else besides Niall. And I didn't regret it at all.

"Yes. You're right."

"Look," he started again, turning on his seat to look at me. "I have something for you."

He searched through his pockets and handed me a well-folded piece of paper, which was surprising. Normally, anything that ended up in Louis' pocket was crumpled or crushed. I frowned a bit and took it before unfolding it gently and carefully.

"I drew it meself. Took me hours."

My lips parted as I looked at the drawing of a crown. It was pretty and he clearly had put a lot of effort into it. It was not perfect, but I thought that's what made it look even more special.

"Wow, Louis... this is..."

"I made it for you." he cut me gently. "If you wanted to get a tattoo, that is. It represents you well, don't ya think?"

I looked up in his eyes and weirdly, I could read stress, like he was not sure how i'd react. The fact that Louis always called me his queen, and that he had even written a song about me with that word made this drawing even more important for me and as soon as his eyes met mine, I knew it would be impossible for me not to get this tattoo.

"I think it represents you, actually." I explained, tilting my head and looking at him. "This tattoo will always remind me of you, and I want you to know that you're important to me, Louis. I would be dead without you. Literally."

His lips curled slightly on the right and stress disappeared from his traits.

"Now you need to draw something for me to get, too." he pointed out.

"Wait, so we're here to get you a tattoo that I would draw?" I asked as his smile turned into a smirk.

"Exactly."

"Can it be simple? I can't draw for shit." I admitted with a grimace.

"Just draw it, give it to the artist, and I'll look at it when it's done."

I stared at him for a few seconds, feeling my heartbeats accelerate and after a while, I breathed in and out. After all, if he didn't like it, he could always get something over it, right?

It took half an hour to get the crown tattooed on my ankle but only about 10 minutes to get the smiley I had drawn for Louis. It was pretty simple with x's instead of eyes and since it was on his wrist, he kept his eyes closed the whole time to make sure it wouldn't ruin the surprise. We walked back to his car in silence about an hour later and sat down, both of us leaning against our seats.

"Is it too simple?" I asked before he turning his head my way with a smile.

"No, it's perfect."

I smiled back at him and held my hand up between us. It took him a few seconds but he finally grabbed it, intertwining his fingers with mine and squeezing my hand.

"Thank you for saving my life." I let out in a soft voice. "Literally, but also metaphorically."

"You saved mine, too."

---

When I walked back in Niall's house... I mean, in our house... I heard him talk and frowned, trying to be quiet in case he was on the phone. I saw him in front of his laptop, just talking to the screen and it took me a few minutes to realize he was probably on a live chat on instagram. I made sure to remain silent and walked to the kitchen to gt myself a glass of wine and leaned against the counter. I listened to what he was saying from the living room, smiling and chuckling from time to time until I heard him say his goodbyes. I wanted an other minute or two, knowing Niall was the kind of person who said bye by stayed an other half an hour with his hand on the doorknob before actually leaving and when I joined him in the living room, he was getting up.

"Are you done?"

"Yes, sorry, I thought it would take you longer." he apologized, making me smile.

"No, it's all good, it's cool that you do lives for your fans." I just shrugged, joining him near the couch. "Your such a good person."

He smiled more and took the glass from my hands before placing it on the coffee table. I chuckled and he wrapped his arms around my waist, raising his eyebrows.

"And does that turn you on?"

I laughed some more. "Maybe."

He didn't answer anything. Instead, he pressed his lips against mine as his arms pulled me even closer. My eyes fluttered close as he deepened the kiss and I sighed low, feeling my body relax in his arms.

"I'm gonna miss you so much." he whispered before kissing me some more,

"I'll miss you more."

He stepped forward, forcing me to take a step back, and guided us around the couch and until the hall. I ended up hitting my back on the wall and I laughed against his lips.

"Clumsy ass." he said in the same amused tone he always said it. "I love you."

We finally ended up in our room and he closed the door with one of his feet, bringing me to the bed and quickly putting himself on top of me. I loved the feeling of his body over mine, warming me, and it always surprised me that every time, it would make a shiver cross my back. I shivered in his arms and he pulled away slightly to look in my eyes.

"How about we stay locked here until I have to take that fucking stupid plane?"

I raised my eyebrows and my lips parted before I tilted my chin up. "Don't you have somewhere to be tomorrow?"

"I canceled." he admitted, his eyes dropping to my lips before he ground his hips against mine, probably without thinking.

"For me?" I asked with a small smile.

"For us."

I brought my hands to his cheeks and let one of my thumbs brush on his bottom lip. "How many times are you gonna make love to me until you leave?"

His lips curled again and he chuckled low. "As many times as I can."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #1dff #my fanfics #yam

66 notes · View notes

weyheyjxlya · 4 years

Text

Ｔｉｍｅｌｅｓｓ

*•.¸♡ pairing: asahi azumane x reader

*•.¸♡ genre: sfw | fluff | a lil angsty (hehe) | wc: 2.3k

*•.¸♡ prompt : Amnesia

*•.¸♡ warning: anterograde amnesia | blind panic attack | fist fight | a little cursing

*•.¸♡ a/n : so henlo! been so busy recently but I promise! I’ll continue where I left off You’re Back. so this is my second time writing for a prompt for the server collab of Haikyuu Headquarters. this is a hard one and it is expected to be long so this will have two parts. also, I created a playlist for this in spotify so listen to it as well. so ya, I hope u enjoy this mi lovely people.

also, I just reached 100 and I’m crying because this is a milestone for me. I did not ever expected that I would write for tumblr and here I am enjoying it. so omg thank you very much minna!! ilysm!! <3

[♬• playlist •♬]

part I | part II

Life never felt so good every time you are talking to this specific person over the internet. May it take minutes or hours, error messages, internet connection problems, etc. You both never failed to stall conversations. It's like the world revolved around the two of you. You two found each other's presence like it's the most precious thing in the world. Hands may get tired from making the keys clack and eyes may hurt from looking at the screen for a long time but it's all worth it. Every single word you receive from each other is worth it. It may seem addictive to the eyes of other people but for the two of you, it's like a heaven-sent gift. Both of you are hopeless romantics. Both of you are each other's shoulder when problems set foot into your lives. You found comfort in each other, a loving comfort that made the both of you yearn for each other. Yearning for each other while slowly realizing that the two of you are already falling into the depths of love together. That should've been the case already but there's one thing. One thing that' stopping both of you. Real names and real faces. Recognizing each other by only your original created avatar and usernames made the love stop its way into the battlefield. You don't recognize each other genuinely, doubt, and fear still in place between the two of you. Therefore, one day you both agreed to take it to another level. You both decided to finally meet one another.

02 | 11 | 2018

depressed_epiphany: ha! u got me there

insouciance_flower: well, that's how smart I am lmao

depressed_epiphany: but hey, let's take this to another level. how bout we meet next week?

insouciance_flower: so eager to see my beauty huh?

depressed_epiphany: you disgust me. but how bout the hamaya isobashi next town? I wanna try their foods so badly

insouciance_flower: deal! 7:30 pm it is?

depressed_epiphany: oh yes it is! see you!

insouciance_flower: see you <3 (ew)

02 | 18 | 2018

"Ma, do I look good?" you asked for affirmation as you twirl around in front of the mirror while admiring the frills upon the ends= of your dress

Excitement made its way upon your whole system as today is the day that you'll be seeing the other person that you've been talking for months with. Despite the animosity, you've found tranquility in the hands of the guy with the username "dxpressed_epiphany". For the whole day of wondering, you've been wondering about what's his name, age, height, personality. Is he the same in person or he's just nothing like when he's online. You've been worried about those pieces of information throughout the waiting process for this day to come. What if you wouldn't like each other after meeting up? That would be devastating, you thought. But despite all of those unending thoughts, you've decided to just let it be and go with the flow then walked your way to the driveway to fetch your car.

With trembling hands, you hopped into your car and started it. As you go out of the driveway, your resolution becomes firmer.

"Don't be nervous now Y/N," you scolded yourself

As you got further away from your house, your speed also accelerated. The restaurant's a bit too far from yours so that's why you've decided to drive there an hour earlier, so if in case of loss you can still find your way back again to the right track. As time pass, roads are getting darker and less crowded. Trees and open fields filled your peripheral view. As the sun makes its way down to exchange places with the moon, your eyes wholeheartedly admired its beauty and followed it, forgetting for a while that you're driving. Just as you put your eyes back on the road, you've noticed that you're going towards the end of the road. So you reflexively stomped on the breaks and shakingly took the wheel and forcefully steered it which made your car turn 360 for plenty of times until you...

~~~

05 | 18 | 2018

"Pa, what am I doing here in this hospital bed?" you asked

"Oh thank God!" your parents sighed as they hug you together tightly as if they lost you

"What am I still lying here for? I'm supposed to be having a date today," you've mentioned

08 | 17 | 2018

As months passed, after being stood up by the girl that he had been hoping for. He received no replies after that day. The program where they had been talking to got out-of-date. And those lead Asahi to who he is right now. Negativity got its way on his system, even if Sugawara karate chops the negativity out of him. He thought there's no way in hell that he'll ever be able to be in a proper relationship anymore. Asahi got into various kinds of relationships and got off with it in just a short time. He thought that there's something wrong with him.

"Why are you still in my mind insouciance flower?" he wondered as he skims through his finished business in his laptop

"Please let me go," he agonized as that day left a mark on his heart that made all of his hopes flew away with the wind. He is certain that that girl would be the one once they would meet. That incident left him in a devastating state as he waited hours for her to arrive in the restaurant. His heart broke and contacted Suga and Daichi later that night as he drank his sorrows away at the nearest pub that they can get laid off to.

As he reviewed all of his thoughts, he came up with a thought of finally letting go with all of his yearnings and hopes that he could once again talk to and meet her for once, even if it's just a coincidental event. He has decided to repeat that day, to do all the things that they were supposed to do, and to go to the place where they're supposed to meet. It's more of a pilgrimage just so he could let go of the sorrow that he had been feeling ever since.

08 | 18 | 2018

Asahi wore the same attire that he wore on that specific date. While readying himself up inside the car, hands are shaking as he grabs the handle of his car as he went down and tidied his clothes as he walked into the restaurant where they're supposed to meet.

Fingers fiddling with the buttons of his cuff links, nervousness crept its way into his system as he recognized some servers that had seen his terrible state from the last 6 months. He came a little later than the actual time that they've agreed together. Eyes scanning throughout the restaurant as he subtly hoped for the last time that he would encounter a coincidental event where he could meet her for once.

~~~

As Asahi continued to scan around the whole restaurant, one subject caught his eyes. It's a lady, alone, has been circling her wine glass ever since, and has been circling her pasta with a fork and made portions of it as she successfully twirled it into mini pyramids of pasta.

He didn't noticed that he had looking at her for quite a while now and got snapped back to reality when he saw the lady stood up from her seat and started walking towards his table, in which he doesn't know because he flinched and returned his gaze over his food. Fear came into him when he felt someone poking him from behind but he slowly turned his head and...

"Hi! Are you my date for today?" you innocently asked the lone guy as you wore your wonderful dress that has the frill that you've wasted your time with as you admire how pretty it is made

"Hi I'm sorry, but I don't think so" he gulped as he continued focusing on his food because your face is too divine to look at it much further

"Oh sorry for disturbing you then," you replied with a courteous smile as you go back to your seat

Thirty minutes have passed since the time that you should've left. Also, you've noticed that the lone guy had been alone for a while, who's just there, aloof and lost in his sight. Devastated, you nonchalantly walked over to him.

"Hi! mind if I just take the other seat?" you inquired

"Sure," he replied and right away, you asked for assistance to transfer your tables from yours to his and started conversing the night away.

~~~

"I've had a great time. Can I see you tomorrow as well Asahi-san?" you asked

"Yes Y/N, same time and place right?" Asahi giddily confirmed

"Yes, see you tomorrow then!" you giggled as you walked out first from the restaurant

Asahi never felt happier as he paid for his bill because for once he forgot his purpose for revisiting this place. He became certain that he finally would get to let go of the insouciance flower.

"Hi, Sir!! Thank you for finally making her enjoy and smile for this night. She had been here for 6 months already but still, thank you!" the staff at the counter thanked wholeheartedly

"You're welcome?" Asahi replied as he can't register what's inside the all of the sudden gratitude of the staff but he just brushed it off and started walking towards the car

08 | 19 | 2018

"Hi, Y/N!!" Asahi blurted as he walked towards your direction

"Uhh hello? I'm sorry but I don't think I know you?" you replied as you wondered how did this guy get to know who you are. You've thought for a moment that this stranger just saw your name from a name tag or something, so you've checked yourself and your table if there's any but there's none. How did this guy even got your name?

"Uhm but we just talked yesterday, we even got to agree to meet here again after yesterday," he mentioned while you noticed that he shakingly fiddles with his fingers

"I'm sorry, but as long as I can remember, I was picking out a dress with my mom yesterday. Don't you think you're just mistaken?" you justified

"But what just happened yesterday? I know I'm not mistaken, it's you. I remember perfectly just how beautiful you are," he replied

"Hi, I appreciate the compliment but the thing that I don't appreciate is flirting with someone I just met," you replied with a straight face

"But," he replied, and before he gets to explain himself more staff that he recognized from 6 months ago approached him and dragged him out of the restaurant.

~~~

"Hi, sir! I've heard that my staff yesterday thanked you but I want you to please dismiss it and I hope you just don't meddle with Y/N-chan anymore. She's a special case. So please sir! could you please just stop it here." the staff that looked like the head one pleaded and bowed

"I'm very sorry to hear about that but I just can't. Before I would give you a yes to your request if you could just please explain to me why she's a special case?" Asahi begged as his hopes are being crushed furthermore

"Well if that's the only way to stop you. Everyone in this restaurant and the community knows about her case. Y/N-chan has anterograde amnesia meaning she cannot create new memories right from the event when the accident happened. So after she sleeps the night off, all memories from today will be erased. So every day she always thinks that it's still Sunday and she has a date for tonight. It's the same routine for 3 months now, she had the accident 6 months ago and they've mentioned that she has a date in this restaurant back from that day. But on the way here, the accident happened. So to prevent her from knowing everything and to blind panic, her family mentioned to us to just don't mind her when she's doing the same routine every single day,"

"6 months ago right? can you please provide me what Sunday that day is and the time that she usually goes here," Asahi pleaded as he's realizing something from the sudden shock of tonight's event

"Yes, it's February 18, the year of 2018. She mentioned that she goes here one hour early from the actual time of her date to prevent her from getting lost so it's 6:30 pm" the staff answered

"I think I got all the details that I need. Thank you very much!" Asahi thanked the staff wholeheartedly but got his heart to soften as he believed and realized one thing. It was you. You are insouciance_flower. The one that he had been waiting for. The one that he loved dearly over the animosity. So that is the reason why he forgot things yesterday because you had met his vibes and taste. It is you.

Asahi blankly walked to his car and drove home as this sudden news hit him so bad. His heart was filled with guilt. Blaming himself why you got involved in an accident.

The idea of giving up from meeting you came to him once, but he persisted. Persisted to make it up to you. He absorbed Sugawara's words from 5 years ago that he needs to get rid of that "negative goatee" in himself. He would do everything to meet you up every night so that he could fulfill that agreement that you two made before you got into that accident. He would do everything even if every single day and effort would be disregarded as you'll soon as you sleep and forget about it. That is his resolution and will be his only resolution to make it up to you.

Meanwhile. back from the restaurant. The head staff contacted your parents as this sudden threat to their daughter came.

39 notes · View notes

yanderebtsstorytime · 4 years

Note

♡hii its me again♡ may i request a scenario where yandere!taehyung finds out that the s/o has secret diary where the s/o writes about her emotions and about the things that she does or happens when he's gone during the day ♡ whether what she writes is good or bad is up to you : ) p.s i appreciate your hard work and you deserve a lot more followers, you're an amazing writer

Pen To Paper

It had been a long day for Taehyung. Everyone at work seemed to want him to snap and kill them, his receptionist wouldn’t stop flirting with him, and he spilt coffee of his favorite suit.

It goes without saying when he came barging into the large home and he wasn’t greeted by his lover he was pushed over the edge and ready to kill someone.

“Where the fuck is she?,” He growled as he slowly climbs the stairs undoing his tie.

“In the study sir,” The maid quietly says as she takes the clothing he disregards and gets ready to leave and clean them.

He walks down the long hallway with a sour look on his face, before he reaches the door to the study and steps inside only to see the love of his life sleeping peacefully with a book of some sort and pen in hand.

A small chuckle escapes his lips as he looks her over. Her mouth hung open in a way that gave her a double chin, and a soft snore could be heard if listening closely, which he of course was. Some may have laughed at the way she looked, her body contorted in ways she could never achieve while awake, and mouth wide open, but Taehyung could only smile fondly and lean down to place a kiss on her forehead.

He watches her for a second more before he looks down at the book in her small hands and finds it’s not a book at all, but a journal.

With a raised eyebrow he slowly pulls it from her grasp and looks it over.

Nov-3- 2017~

That man that goes to the coffee shop and gets the same thing has a name. Taehyung.

Not only does his charming smile make me weak, but so does his voice! Who would have thought someone with such a cute gentle face could have such a deep voice!

The small passage makes Taehyung smile as he recalls that date very well. It was the day he decided to introduce himself to you after having watched you for almost a year. He flips a few pages ahead.

Feb- 19- 2018~

FINALLY! Taehyung has finally asked me out on a date! I never thought he was gonna ask and we were gonna be stuck being just friends.

Wish me luck! I think I’ll wear that nice (F/c) dress with some cute shoes.

The smile grows as he recalls that very dress you wrote about to a T and how he loved how fitting it was on you.

July - 2 - 2018~

Kim (Y/n). Has a ring to it don’t you think? I think so, this ring Tae got me though is a bit big. I feel like my hands gonna be weighted down because of it, I mean seriously did he have to pick such a massive stone?

He looks to the ring you wrote about and gives a small shrug, he liked how it looked on your finger. He wanted everyone to know not only were you taken, but the man that has you can take care of you.

Sep- 27 - 2018~

Taehyung keeps talking about wanting a family. I’m not sure I’m ready for children yet, we’ve only been married for about a month and he’s never home. I’m scared our children will never know their father because he’s never here.

I don’t know how Taehyung is going to react to this information, but I have to tell him how I feel. No matter how angry it makes him.

A frown replaces his smile as he remembers that argument and how hard it hit him just how much time he spends at work. He didn’t want his lover or children to feel neglected in the slightest, but he’s worked his whole life and hasn’t had someone to come home to since his grandmother passed.

It was that night Taehyung decided he wasn’t ready for children, no matter how much he wanted them. Not matter how much he wanted a family. Until he was sure he could be home more, and make sure his children saw him more then 3 hours a day, he couldn’t even think about having a family.

Dec- 23 - 2019~

How was I blessed with such a loving and kind husband. Sure he gets a bit possessive sometimes, but I know it’s because he loves me and wants to make sure I’m safe.

I couldn’t ask for more, but because I’m me I will.

Dear Santa, please give my husband Christmas and Christmas Eve off so I can spend some quality time with him.

He got both of those days off last year, and he’s never seen you so happy. It made him happy just thinking about it.

Feb- 28 - 2019~

Taehyung’s been a bit angry lately I wonder what’s going on. I hope I didn’t do anything to upset him, it worries me how much stress he puts himself under. Maybe I should do something for him, like cook him that cake he likes, or give him a massage.

No he wasn’t angry at her, he was angry at those around her. That was the month everyone seemed to have their eyes on you. He had to kill about 12 people in that singular month just because they liked you, or tried to take you away.

He was content however when you just walked up to him and began to rub his shoulders while he talked about his day.

April- 3 - 2019~

Im so bored around this house, there’s nothing go to do while Taehyung is gone. I wish he would come home and we could go do something together, I miss him so much.

June- 17- 2019~

I think I’m gonna buy Tae a new suit, maybe that one Gucci just released I think he’d like that.

July- 14 - 2019~

WE GOT A PUPPY, AND I NAMED HER PENNY SHE’S SO CUTE!!!!

Taehyung chuckles as he flips through all of the pages just skimming over everything before he flips to the new one. The one that was written with today’s date.

Dec- 23 - 2019~

I had the maid get me the test today. It’s officially, me and Taehyung are parents! I wonder how I’m gonna tell him? I hope he isn’t to mad about everything, after all we did say we didn’t want children yet.

He stares with slight shock before he quietly puts the book down on the desk and reaches out for his lover, “(Y/n), I’m home,” He whispers and her eyes slowly open.

She smiles seeing him and leans into his hold, “Welcome home Taehyung, I’m happy you’re finally back,” She says and he nods, “So am I,” He says giving her a loving kiss.

==========================&=============&============

•MASTERLIST•

#yandere bts reactions #yandere bts x reader #yandere bts #bts yandere #yandere kim taehyung #yandere taehyung x reader #yandere taehyung #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x reader #kim taehyung #김태형 #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere x oc

171 notes · View notes

kayteewritessteve · 5 years

Text

If Only You Knew - 1/19

Description: You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him, and everything else that happened on that horrible night. Who would have knew that your prom would end up being a total disaster, and the very last night you’d spend in Buckhannon for the next 7 years? you certainly didn’t. That’s for sure.

Catch up HERE.

Word Count: 6,790 ish. This one is a giant, you’ll get that reference soon! ;)

Pairing: Modern!Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Violence. Drinking. Flashbacks to moments of abuse and near rape. Possible triggering thoughts, feelings and emotions. Moments of bullying and harsh name calling. Lots of curse words. And a very sloooow burn.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

Posting this chapter now, instead of the 14th because I’m weak and impatient! Hahaha.

FYI. I few things to know before you start. This chapter will be the hardest one to get through, IMO. And I have used both the Marvel movie characters and a few from the comics, but I decided to keep the antagonist and friends as OC’s. This story will flip back and forth from readers POV and Steves, each chapter. Oh, and also, this is a total AU, so I have created familys and backgrounds for all the Marvel characters. So just go along with those! Haha. But anywho, I hope you enjoy the ride!

January 2018.

As you began to trudge up the stairs to your third floor Boston apartment, you cram your mail into your over the shoulder bag for safe keeping. The same mail you had just retrieved from your mailbox, located right inside the front doors of your apartment building.

The building itself wasn’t anything special, it had a basic cream stucco exterior, with outdated features. There was minimal decor in the lobby aside from a couple fake floor plants and an ungodly large gold framed mirror, that sat hanging on the ugly ivory coloured walls. The elevator in the lobby was the same metal gold colour as the mirrors frame which also matched the mailboxes, and the frame around the front door. They all looked like they had never been updated in the 30 years since the apartment was built.

Speaking of outdated, the elevator had clearly also never been replaced, the thing was older than you. You’d vowed to never use the damn thing ever again after it had gotten stuck, within a week of you moving in. And yes, it had broken down with you trapped, alone, inside it. Long story short, a few handsome men from the local fire department had to come rescue your ass, but that was after almost 3 hours of you sitting on the floor, of the malfunctioning death trap. 3 hours you spent alone in a damn elevator before anyone even realized you were there. No, you and the elevator were not friends. Stairs were much smarter, much less likely to kill you in a freak accident, and helped keep your butt lookin’ good. Or at least that’s what you told yourself every time you’d find yourself standing at the bottom of them.

You reached your suite’s door, which was located on the left, at the very end of a long hall. You had lucked out and gotten a west facing corner unit, which gave you more windows and glorious sunshine in the afternoon. Though, being that it was mid January, the sunny days were few and far between. You grabbed your keys out of your bag and unlocked the door, as you walked in you pulled your bags strap over your head and set it on the kitchen counter. Your foot gently tapped the door closed, then you toed off your shoes and headed for your bedroom. The apartment wasn’t anything fancy either, the walls were all basic white and the fixtures were older, but you made it your home nonetheless.

You changed into some comfy clothes then headed into the kitchen to grab your bag off the counter, having a few tests to finish grading before you could fully relax for the night. Being a middle school teacher was both challenging and rewarding, but you loved every second of it. You had only been a full time teacher for about 6 months now, but you couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Your students had become such a huge part of your life, feeling almost like having a bunch of nieces and nephews around all day. They were a handful somedays, but you adored them all, and saw the true potential in every one of them.

You plopped down on the couch and opened your bag, pulling out the folder with the tests you needed to grade. As you did the mail you had picked up on your way in, fell out of your bag and onto the floor. You reached down to pick them up then started to sift through them, mostly all bills, as per usual. However, then your eyes landed on a beautiful embossed ivory envelope in the stack. You put the other mail down and turned it over in your hands. It had a ruby red ribbon tied around it, near the end width wise. The envelope was sealed with the initials ‘N&B’ pressed into red wax on the back. You slipped the ribbon off and broke the wax seal, pulling out a gorgeous ivory card with black and red cursive writing. It was clearly a wedding invitation. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t expected this invite to show up one day, they had both basically been made for each other. You’d never known two people who worked better together than they did. Or at least, two people in an actual relationship who worked that well together.

“So Nat and Bucky are finally making it official,” you said out loud to yourself as there was no one else in your apartment, “took them fucking long enough.” You laughed. But then abruptly stopped when the realization hit you. The only way you could attend this wedding was to return home, to Buckhannon.

Your eyes sought out the wedding date, partially hoping it would be an inconvenient time and you could use it as an excuse. But another part of you also hoped you could maybe attend, that this could maybe be your excuse. You counted quickly in your head, it was 6 months from now, so mid July, and by that time it would be damn near 7 years since you’d left. 7 years since you had last stepped foot in that small town. And 7 years since that awful night that drove you away from the town ….and him…

July 2011 - 6 ½ years ago.

You arrived at the outdoor prom after party, on the arm of your date, Brock. He had asked you almost two weeks ago to prom but you had stalled for a week, that is until you heard the news, and finally agreed to go with him. Knowing full well it was your only option now. Well, aside from going alone that is.

As the night continued on, Brock insisted on constantly supplying you with booze, all night. It became like his damn life’s mission to make sure your drink was always full and to your lips. You weren’t a big drinker, so you knew you’d be fall down drunk in no time, at the rate things were going. So whenever he’d turn his back to you, to talk to someone or whatever, you’d dump most of your drink out. Followed by quickly bringing it to your lips to act like you had actually chugged it. Always receiving an amused smirk from Brock, each time he thought you’d polished off half your drink in one go.

Your eyes would often drift over to the other side of the party, off near the tree line, where your so called best friend stood with his date. And each time they did, you’d take an actual chug of your drink then avert your eyes, before anyone noticed you staring. How he could come here with her pissed you off. He knew how she treated you. The hell she put you through. Yet, here he was, with her. Fucking Madeleine. Or ‘Madi’ as only her inner circle called her.

She had single handedly made it her high school mission to make your life a miserable hell. And she had been pretty damn successful at it. You didn’t think you’d have made it through high school if it wasn’t for Wanda, Nat, Hilde, Clint, Sam, Bucky and Steve. Though, if you were being honest, Steve was the true reason you had made it through.

From basically the moment you both had met, he had always been there for you. He’d quickly became your best friend—that is until recently. Your eyes wandered back over to him and Madeleine again, standing near the tree line, talking to Madi’s friends. You couldn’t even begin to describe in words how much you loathed Madeleine. You hadn’t even realized you were glaring at her till something beside her shifted and caught your eye. You flicked them over and they locked instantly on to his. Steves. He was watching you. For how long? Who fucking knows. But he had seen you looking, that much you knew. Shit!

You quickly turned your head to face Brock again, taking a generous gulp of your drink as you did. Brock smirked at that and you gave him a tight lipped smile in return. You had just been caught aggressively shooting daggers at your best— was he even still that? Let’s go with just ‘friend’ for now— at your ‘friends’ prom date. Or as you liked to call her, the She-Witch aka your archenemy. Fucking Madeleine Karlington—

“How you doing?” Brock’s voice cut through your thoughts, and you instantly felt kinda bad for basically ignoring him all night, while you jealously seethed over Steve bringing Madeleine to prom.

“Good,” you said and faked a happy smile.

“I mean, how are you feeling?” He asked as he gestured to the drink in your hand.

“Oh,” you clued in to what he meant, then nodded, “Drunk.” You lied as you realized he currently thought you had actually been drinking all the beverages. You know, the ones he had been supplying you throughout the whole night. Or rather, the whole after party.

“Good,” he nodded, “do you need another?”

You shook your head and lifted up your red solo cup to show him it was still like half full. Then your eyes wandered again, except this time they widened slightly once they reached their targets. Madeleine was now facing Steve, and just as you locked onto their figures, she basically pounced and started aggressively making out with him. You saw him tense up upon impact, you assumed it was just from the shock of her abrupt assault. Your eyes narrowed as you watched, telling yourself to look away but you just couldn’t do it. You couldn’t peal your eyes from them, it was like a car crash and you were watching as it happened. Your morbid curiosity getting the better of you.

After a few seconds Steve pulled away from the kiss, and removed Madi’s arms from around his neck. His eyes then snapped over to you and it instantly broke the weird trance you had been in. You clenched your jaw then turned back to Brock.

If Steve was going to be here and be all over his date, then why shouldn’t you do the same? This was your prom night after all, you had a date just like he did, why shouldn’t you also take advantage of that. And you really shouldn’t be this fucking affected by him kissing someone else, but you were. This 2 year long crush was getting really fucking old. Really fucking fast.

Still feeling Steve’s eyes drilling into you, you decided to give him the show now. It was petty and childish, and you knew that. But in all honesty, you also knew it would never have had the same effect on him, not like him kissing her had had on you. But you hoped it might at least piss him off, even if it was only in a brotherly type of way. That’s basically what your friendship was, you were the lovesick girl, pinning over the boy she could never have. Dreaming about him and the love story that you’d never share. All while he was the boy that saw you like a little fucking sister, and that was it. So you kept your feelings to yourself, buried them down deep, and pretended like they didn’t exist. That is till something would trigger them and force them to bubble to the surface. Much like right fucking now.

You grabbed Brock by the back of the neck and pulled him into a spur of the moment kiss, pulling back a few seconds later as your fingers flew up to touch your lips. In your jealous rage, you had just given away your very first kiss to Brock. Completely forgetting that’s exactly what it would be, your first kiss. It was nothing like you had imagined, and it wasn’t very good at all. Nor was it with the person you’d dreamed it would have been with. Damnit. Way to fucking go.

“What was that for?” Brock asked with a raised brow.

“Nothing,” You shrugged nonchalantly, trying to play it off as less then it actually was to you. “Just felt like it.”

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked.

You quickly glanced over at Steve, who was now glaring at you, he looked fucking pissed. He also knew that had been your first kiss. But let’s be honest, he knew everything about you. More so than any other person. Well, maybe besides your dad. His fists were balled up tight at his sides and before you could analyze any further, Steve abruptly started to stomp towards you. Your plan had both worked and backfired, all at the same time. And if he reached you, it was not going to be pretty, nor would it be a fun little ‘chat’. No, you had fucked up and he was very much going to tell you exactly how much. Like always. Shit!

You frantically turned and grabbed Brock’s hand, “Yes!” You said a little to loudly. Who are you kidding, you damn near screamed it. “Let’s go for a walk!” Then you started to drag him towards the woods, in an attempt to get as far away from Steve, and the ‘brotherly’ talk he was about to dump on you. That was his way, if you ever stepped out of line in his eyes, he’d fucking tell you. In thee most annoying and dad like way he could. Yes, he acted more like an older brother but when he’d lecture you it was more like a dad. It frustrated the hell out of you, as you already had one awkward, and overbearing father. You didn’t need another. Especially not fucking Steve, not the secret love of your life. No fucking thank you.

You dragged Brock some ways into the woods then stopped abruptly. Feeling like you had gone far enough, you spun around to face him now. He had that stupid amused smirk on his face, again—Okay, that was a little harsh, it wasn’t ‘stupid’, you were just clearly cranky from everything that had just happened.

“So what do we do now?” He asked.

“Ah,” Your brows knitted together, you hadn’t really thought that far ahead. “We could ah, get to know each other a little better? I barely know anything about you.” You paused as you thought it over a bit more then smiled, “Oh! I know! We could play 21 questions!”

He shook his head, “I think we can figure out a better way to ‘get to know each other’.” He smirked and you furrowed your brows in confusion, not really sure what he was implying.

“What did you have in mind?” You asked.

He started to step towards you and in turn you stepped back, trying to keep a bit of distance between you both. But then you backed right up into a tree, with him now only inches away from you. “I’ll show you.”

“Oh, that’s alright,” you waved a hand dismissively, “I don’t think you need to do that—“ But he cut you off as he damn near jumped at you, his lips crashed into yours and his hands started to roam your body, as his hips pinned you to the tree. You had been caught off guard originally but then you landed your palms on his chest and forcefully pushed him. He barely moved though, as he was much bigger than you. But you managed to move him just enough, to gain the space to turn your head away from him. “Please get off of me.” You requested firmly. However, he ignored you and didn’t move away, he just continued his advances on you.

“Brock! Get your hands off me!” You commanded, your voice was rising now. Panic was starting to sink in, he was so much stronger than you, and if you couldn’t get him to stop soon, he may not stop at all.

He finally tilted his head back to look at you, “Oh, so you can put out for every other guy in school, but you won’t put out for the one that takes you to prom?”

You were momentarily taken aback by his comment. What the fuck— “What are you even talking about?!”

“I heard all the stories Y/N, I know what type of girl you actually are. So no need to play coy.” Before you could answer he was back on you, crushing his lips into yours and pulling at your dress. You realized asking him clearly wasn’t working, so you attempted to push him away again. This time as hard as you could, which again was futile. So you started to scream and thrash against him and his advances.

Your screaming instantly caught in your throat when you felt him shift and he forcefully grabbed your upper arm, yanking you away from the tree and throwing you to the ground. And fucking hard at that. Then he stepped over you, “Shut up, would ya? Someone is going to hear you!” He seethed.

“Good!” You defiantly yelled and started to scream again. He raised his hand up and backhanded you across the face, the shock of the hit abruptly shutting you up, as your hand flew up to cover your cheek. The tears started to well in your eyes from the sting of the hit.

Then he started to pull at your dress again and your blood ran cold as you realized where this was all going. “B-brock, please, please don’t do this. Please stop,” you begged, “I don’t know what you heard but I haven’t ever slept with anyone before.” And that was the truth. You hadn’t even so much as dated a guy, let alone slept with one. Hell, tonight had been your first kiss for crying out loud. All through high school no one had ever even so much as paid attention to you, at least not romantically, let alone slept with you. Brock was the first guy to ever even ask you out, granted it was to prom, so not an official date, but still—Shit, not the fucking point right now! No, right now you were wholeheartedly regretting ever accepting his offer. He was clearly not the boy you had thought he was.

“That’s not what I heard—“ he started to say but was cut off when a giant form came out of fucking nowhere and grabbed Brock by the back of his shirt, yanking him away from you and flinging him in the opposite direction.

“She said no!” The giant form yelled and you instantly recognized the voice. It was Steve. He was here now. Thank god.

Brock quickly pulled himself up to his feet, “Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck’s your problem, Steve?”

“Do I look like I’m fucking kidding? I warned you, Brock. Not once but fucking twice!” Steve growled out. “And my problem is, is that she told you to fucking stop, more than once, yet you continued anyways, you piece of shit!” He spat out.

“Will you just fuck off already, Steve! Your just jealous that I stole your whore for the night!” He spit back.

Steve punched him in the face, and fucking hard at that. “Don’t you fucking call her that!”

Brock stumbled back a few feet from the hit, regaining his balance quickly as his hand wiped the blood from his mouth, “I just call them as I see them. And that’s what she is!” He stepped up into Steve’s face, clearly unaware of Steves track record in fights, he never lost. And he had damn near a foot on Brock. “I heard all the stories about the guys she has slept with, Steve. So obviously your threats didn’t fucking work. And I forked out all this money to bring her ass to prom, the least she could do is fucking put out!” And Brock saying that was clearly the last straw for Steve, as he lunged at him, tackling him to the ground. As they both hit the ground Steve quickly straddled Brock’s waist and started punching him with both fists, alternating.

After a few seconds you realized he wasn’t going to stop, you had only ever seen him this mad once before and he damn near killed the kid. Luckily for the boy, Bucky and Sam had been there to pull Steve off before he could do any fatal damage. “Fuck!” You yelled as you jumped up and scrambled over to them. As much as you felt Brock deserved this beatdown, it wasn’t going to end just a beatdown. No, Steve wouldn’t stop, and you couldn’t let him kill someone. Especially not for of you, or, because of you. “Steve!” You screamed as you tried to pull him off Brock, “Stop!”

You grabbed one of his massive arms, but he abruptly slammed his elbow back into your stomach, clearly trying to break the hold of whoever was currently attempting to stop him. You went flying backwards into the ground, “Steve!” You gasped as you did. It was then that his punches halted completely and his head whipped around to look at you. His face was twisted in anger for a couple seconds, then instantly softened when he realized it was you he had elbowed, you were the one trying to stop him.

“Y/N!” He yelled as he jumped up off the now bloodied Brock and ran over to you. Brock took this opportunity to get up off the ground, “Screw this! That slut isn’t worth it!” He spat then hightailed it back towards the party. But Steve didn’t even take notice of Brocks exit, or his comment towards you, as he was to focused in you now. But you’d heard it.

Once he reached you he crouched down in front of you, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, Y/N. Are you okay?!” He looked you over for a moment then froze, his eyes locked on part of your body. A blush quickly covered his face then he shook his head. “Shit,” he said as he abruptly stood up and turned around. You looked down and saw that Brock had managed to rip part of your dress and snapped one of the straps, so now most of your bra covered chest was exposed. You quickly brought your arms up over your upper body in an attempt to conceal yourself.

Steve still just stood, with his back to you, as he removed his tux jacket and held it out behind himself, towards you. “Here,” he said as he wiggled it at you.

You stood up and took the jacket, putting your arms in the sleeves and wrapping it tightly around your body. It was massive on you and ended damn near at your knees. While the sleeves well surpassed your hands, making you look like you didn’t even have hands at all. Basically you were swimming in it. “Okay. All covered,” you said quietly.

He turned around then stepped closer to you, cautiously, “Are you sure you’re okay? Did he-did he hurt you?” He nervously asked as he went to reach out to you.

You flinched away and waved him off, not really wanting to be touched at the moment, even by him. “I-i’m okay. He ah, he didn’t get the chance to,” you trailed off as your eyes welled up again. You knew you couldn’t finish that sentence, not without bursting into tears at least. Then you cleared your throat and whispered, “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks to you.”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner,” You could hear the guilt in his voice but then it quickly changed to frustration. “But what were you even thinking coming out here alone, with Brock of all people!?”

Had it been anyone else treating you like this, at a moment like this, you would have snapped on them. But this was just how Steve was with you, and you were entirely used to it. He was the only one you allowed to be this way with you, he had earned this right, a hundred times over. Tonight adding yet another reason as to why he was allowed to. “I just,” you tried to defend your actions but trailed off, as you realized you’d have to admit that seeing Steve and Madeleine kiss had made you so jealous. Jealous enough to stupidly isolate yourself with a guy you barely knew. You shook your head then lowered it. Admitting defeat, “I clearly wasn’t.”

The sound of small branches snapping made you look back up. He had stepped closer to you, now only about a foot away. And his whole demeanour had softened. His eyes dropped from yours, down to your lips then back up to meet yours again. You knew he wanted to bring up you kissing Brock, and probably scold you for foolishly wasting your first kiss on an assclown like him. He opened his mouth to speak, and you prepared yourself for the brotherly scolding he was about to unleash, but then he snapped it closed again. And to your luck, and slight dismay, he didn’t say a word about it. He just turned his head away from you then sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with one of his large hands. “Why did you agree to come to prom with him?” He looked back at you.

You scoffed, “I didn’t really have any other options, Steve. It was either go with Brock or go by myself.” You crossed your arms, you clearly hadn’t managed to avoid all the brotherly scolding. Just some of it.

“Why didn’t you tell me he had asked you again?” He shook his head, “I had to hear it from everyone but you. I thought we were closer than that.”

“Again?” You asked quietly, confused by what he meant by that. Your brows knitted together momentarily, but then the rest of what he had just fucking said started to sink in, and your blood began to boil. Is he being fucking serious right now?! He wants to talk about ‘thought we were closer’?! About ‘why I didn’t tell him’?!—

“You’re fucking kidding, right?” You gaped, wide eyed, “When could I have told you, Steve? Huh? Fucking when?!” Your voice rising with each word. You scoffed again, “And you thought we were closer than that?! How do you think I felt!” You shook your head.

He looked taken aback, his eyes widened at your outburst, you’d never raised your voice at him before. Not once had you ever had a reason to, at least before tonight. His brows furrowed, “What are you talking about, Y/N?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” you replied sarcastically, “maybe the fact that you’ve been ignoring me for 2 fucking weeks! Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you about Brock!” You started to pace, you weren’t thinking about what just happened to you anymore, you were seeing red at how your so-called best friend, the secret love of your life, could just up and drop you like it was nothing. Like you were nothing. “And then you have the audacity to say ‘I thought we’re closer than that’!” you mimicked Steve’s stupid voice as best as you could, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“It’s not like that Y/N, and you know it.” He sighed and hung his head, quietly adding, “I didn’t ignore you because I wanted to.” But you barely heard the end of what he said, the anger and hurt you were feeling was too distracting.

“Oh?” You abruptly stopped pacing, “It’s not like that?” You stomped passed him to where your clutch was laying on the ground, picking it up and opening it to get your phone out. You turned back to face Steve, who was watching your every move, as you stabbed in your passcode and aggressively tapped the screen till you had opened your text window with him. “That’s funny because you haven’t responded to a single text from me in 13 days. 13 fucking days, Steve!” You turned the phone screen to faced him, then you scrolled up to show all the texts you had sent. A few everyday, yet not a single reply from him. “So please, enlighten me as to ‘what it��s like’ and ‘what I know’!”

He stepped towards you and grabbed your phone from you, “I only ignored you to protect you!” He clicked the lock button then grabbed your clutch and threw your phone back in it, snapping it shut.

“Protect me? HA!” You laughed bitterly as you snatched your clutch back from him. “My best friend, my fucking rock, the only person who got me through fucking high school, drops me like I mean nothing and I’m supposed to believe it was to protect me?!” You flung your arms up in the air, “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard!” then you spun around and headed back to the party, or rather, headed back to the exit so you could call your dad to come pick you up.

“Y/N wait!” He yelled as he ran to catch up to you, “Just hear me out—“

You spun around to face him, “No!” You yelled as you pointed a finger in his face. “You don’t get to ignore me for almost 2 weeks, then bring the one girl in school, who made my life fucking hell, to prom and expect me to stand here and listen to you tell me it was all to protect me!”

He glared at you, and you could tell instantly that he was now just as pissed as you were, or at least close to it. You knew him better than anyone, your words had angered him, just like his had angered you. “Oh, so that is what this is all about? Me bringing Madi to prom? You’re only pissed at me right now because of just that?” He scoffed and crossed his arms, turning his face away from you. You glared at him. He was so fucking dense!

“That’s a huge part of it, yes! But not the only fucking reason!”

Then he lowered his arms slowly and turned to look back down at you. When he spoke it was calmer, almost curious. “Why? Why are you so pissed I brought her?”

You opened your mouth then snapped it shit again and furrowed your brows. Because I love you. But you couldn’t tell him that, especially not in a moment like this. So you told him the only thing you could think of, “nope, I lied, that is the only reason, and it’s because she made my life hell, Steve. Fucking hell. And you, more than anyone, knows that. Yet you still took HER, of all fucking people.”

“I had too,” He urged, “I had no fucking choice.”

“Bullshit.” You mumbled and shook your head wildly, you had now reached the ‘fuck it’ stage of being mad, you were no longer yelling. You were done with this conversation and maybe even this friendship. He had basically betrayed you when he picked her over you. “You weren’t forced to bring her, you asked her. Big difference.” You said in a surprisingly calm manor. You turned around again, needing to put as much distance between you and Steve right now as you fucking could.

“Please, Y/N, just hear me out,” he pleaded.

“No, I’m done,” you said over your shoulder as you started to walk away. You went to pull out your phone to call your dad. But before you could you felt a large hand gently, but firmly, grab your elbow, urging you to turn around. You reluctantly did and came face to face with Steve’s stupid blue eyes again. Sadness and fear swimming in them now. You figured it was because you’d never been mad at him before, he clearly wasn’t taking it well.

“Y/N, please—“ he started but was cut off by an irritating sound nearby. The one voice that would always instantly make you tense up and send a chill down your spine. Both things you did in this exact moment, when you heard her speak.

“Y/N, what are you doing with my boyfriend?” Madeleine sneered.

You shut your eyes tightly and took a deep calming breath. Trying to will yourself to not react to her words. Or rather to her straight up claiming Steve as her own.

“We aren’t datin—“ Steve started but this time you cut him off.

“Absolutely nothing, Madeleine,” you replied as you opened your eyes and looked over at her, with an obviously fake smile plastered on your face, then you turned and made eye contact with Steve, “He’s all yours.” And with that you yanked your arm from his hold then spun on your heels. You didn’t miss the hurt in Steve’s eyes at your words though. You knew your last comment had cut him deep, but you were done being second best. Done pinning over a boy you’d never have. Done with this whole fucking town and everyone in it.

You called your dad and the second you got off the phone with him you burst into tears. This had been hands down the worst night of your life to date. You’d been betrayed, attacked, tossed aside and humiliated. And almost all of those things were done to you by your so called ‘best friend’. By your first love. By the one person you never expected that from, the one person who had promised to always have your back. Yet, in the end he didn’t, not truly. He had ignored you for 2 weeks, 2 fucking weeks. You clearly didn’t mean a damn thing to him.

10 minutes later your dad pulled up and you quickly tried to wipe away the tear smudged makeup from your face. Knowing that it was futile as it was probably quite obvious that you’d been crying. That thought was answered when you got in the truck, and he instantly started asking questions as to why you were in a tux jacket, and why you’d been crying. You told him you didn’t want to talk about it, but assured him that you were okay and nothing happened. He didn’t want to drop it at first, but you looked over at him and simply said, “North Korea”. He narrowed his eyes at you, then sighed turning to look out the front window as he put the truck in gear and began to drive home.

You and him had come up with this ‘safe word,’ of sorts, when you were around 14. It was your dad's idea, he had told you that if you ever needed a ride, or to be picked up from somewhere you didn’t feel safe, that he always would. Regardless of if you were drunk, high or whatever. But if you didn’t want to tell him exactly why you needed to be picked up, all you had to do was say ‘North Korea’. And he would never ask about it again. He said it worked as no one ever knows anything about that country, unless they release the information themselves. And no one really ever asks. That was exactly what it stood for. No questions and no talking about it.

Once you both got home, you ran up to your room and slammed your window shut then locked it. You were not interested in Steve sneaking into your room tonight to ‘talk’ it out. That was a regular occurrence throughout the years. He snuck into your room often, it was always completely innocent, and occasionally he’d pass out on your floor, but usually he would just come and talk to you, after a particularly difficult day. He’d normally stay till you got everything out or passed out, whichever came first, then he’d climb back out your window and go home. Or at least most of the time.

The first time your dad had caught him passed out on the floor, he woke you both up and escorted Steve down to the front door. You couldn’t make out everything said but you did hear your dad tell him to not make a habit of this, and if you absolutely needed him to stay over, he was to ‘keep his hands to himself or else’. It was fucking awkward, but nowhere near as awkward as the rambling sex and protection talk he had with you directly after Steve left. Which was hilarious, as Steve was probably the very last guy on earth who would want to sleep with you. Finally you’d had enough of the talk and actually yelled, “I’m still a virgin dad! and probably will be till I’m fucking 80!” Then you stormed off to your room. God, what you wouldn’t give to have mom back for the dreaded ‘birds and the bees’ talk. She was always so much better at this stuff then your dad. He was a bumbling mess most of the time, but he loved you and you loved him. You were all each other had now a days, since she died.

That night you passed out on the couch, surprisingly fast. Probably because you had the TV on, some random infomercial drowning on in the background. That always helped you sleep, it was your plan B option, if your plan A couldn’t come over that night.

You woke up early in the morning to the TV off and a note from your dad saying there was breakfast in the oven, but that he had to run to the shop to deal with a few things but he’d be back shortly. When he got home an hour later, you’d spent the whole time thinking and ignoring your phone. Or rather, the endless calls and texts from your friends and Steve. You ended up blocking Steve’s number shortly after you woke up, just so your phone would shut up.

You’d sat your dad down, and asked if you could go stay with your Aunt Carol, in Boston for the summer. You reasoned that she was closer to Hartford University, which was where you’d been accepted to, and would be starting up classes in the fall. So you’d be able to travel down and check out the campus whenever you’d like. He wasn’t a huge fan of the idea, or maybe it was more the fact that you’d conveniently brought this up, the day after he had picked you up crying, in a ripped prom dress, and obviously Steve’s tux jacket. But North Korea had been called, so he couldn’t ask nor bring that up. He called your Aunt to ask her permission, you heard her excited screaming through the phone, from a totally different room. Clearly that was a yes. Then you ran upstairs and packed your bags, you only packed what you’d need for the summer. As you’d come back and fully pack up for school, closer to classes starting.

Though, unbeknownst to you as you loaded up your bags into your dads truck, so he could drive you to the bus depot, this would be the last time you stepped foot in this town for almost 7 years. Your dad would end up packing up all your belongings and driving the 11 hours to drop them off to you before school started.

But you got on the bus to Boston, waving goodbye to your dad as it pulled away. And watching as the small town of Buckhannon, West Virginia slowly drifted into the horizon. During the 11 hour ride you texted all your friends, explaining that you had left town for the summer, well all except one. They were all pretty butt hurt at first that you didn’t even say goodbye. But they would soon learn the truth of what had happened with both Brock and Steve, as gossip always spread like wildfires in small towns. Especially Buckhannon, with it’s population of just shy of 6,000. And after that they all understood 100% why you left. You kept in touch with them over the years. Well, all except one.

January 2018.

Your fingers ghosted over the words on the wedding invitation, the wedding date being almost 6 months away meant it landed smack dab in the beginning of summer break. You’d be off work and maybe it was finally time to return home. Maybe it was finally time to face everyone. To face him. You had no idea how that was going to play out, but before you could talk yourself out of it, you typed the RSVP link into your phone’s browser. And quickly filled out the small form, selecting just you and no date, then hit send. Whelp, there it is. You had officially RSVP’d and were now obligated to go back. There was no avoiding it now …..Fuuuck. What have I done?!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If you want to be tagged or removed from this tag list, just leave a comment, send an ask or PM me. I can make that happen for ya!

@hopefulmoonobject @harlequinash @itsstillnotwhatyouthink @tessvillegas @boxofteenageideas @wangdeasang @giggleberts @casuallydarktiger @theonelittleone @agentbadbitch @ratwrites @starrystellars @bandsandanimefreak @rockyroadthepastryarchy @lovvliies @cuffski @icesoccerer @alwaysright4 @lilsthethrills @imdiegohargreeves @dreamywanderersworld

#au fanfiction #fanfiction #long post #long read #marvel au #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #modern!steve #modern!steve rogers #modern au #alternate universe #if only you knew #chapter 1 #steve rogers au #no super powers here

428 notes · View notes

marsqrd-blog · 4 years

Text

hey guys, i’m oliver. this is mario aka mar. i’m from buffalo, ny so when i learned there was a buffalo, mn, i knew absolutely had to do it ‘em.

❛ ｡ ‹ xavier serrano. he/him. male. › “ MARIO MARINO at dean levinson’s office please. “ it’s that TWENTY-ONE year old JUNIOR from BUFFALO, MN, right ? can’t imagine what they’re in for this time, after all they are LAIDBACK & LOYAL. then again, their PRIVATE & UNFORTHCOMING tendencies could land them in the dean’s office any time of the day. from what i’ve heard they’ve joined THE MEN'S ICE HOCKEY TEAM and majoring in ARCHITECTURE, but their trademark style consists of SNOWFLAKES CLINGING TO HIS HOODIE AND HAIR, A SMILE LIKE A WARNING BEFORE EVERY HIT, GRUESOME SCARS YOU'VE LEARNED TO LOVE. ˚ ◝ oliver. 21. they/them. est.

THE STORY ( honestly ngl this part reads like a wikipedia page so skip down to MISC for somewhat more relevant things )

-- minnesota : land of 1000 lakes, the state of hockey, of cold, long winters you learn to love or leave to forget ---- that was where he was born, on the coldest day of the year. maybe there’s something to that because he doesn’t get cold very often. ( yes, the cold never bothered him anyway...).

-- he had a pretty simple childhood, the only son of a single mother ( #doubleshifting ), growing up just a short walk from the lake --- wakeboarding in the summer and playing pond hockey in the winter.

-- they weren’t a wealthy family, though not struggling mightily either. hockey was an expensive sport, though, and he played through his early days and partially through high school with second and third hand gear when possible.

-- early on, he learned being flexible, adaptable, and always having a good attitude was highly important ; his upbringing definitely had a large effect on that. once he turned 16, he picked up a gig as a waiter to earn some cash for himself. besides being able to scrape enough together to buy a nice new stick, it was certainly a character building experience.

-- architecture was something that felt natural to pursue. hockey wasn’t the end all, be all, though he hoped he would remain connected to the sport ( beyond beer league ) after his prime playing days ended. he had a certain knack for sketching and accurately capturing perspectives -- uncharacteristic maybe, but there all the same. he turned to architecture in the hopes of someday being able to design an nhl arena in the future.

-- cornell felt like a huge longshot : prestigious, ivy league, and terrifyingly expensive. it was his reach school ( st. cloud state was his fallback ), but seemed worth the risk. as luck would have it, cornell had it’s eye on someone on a rival team his high school team played in the state tournament at the end of his junior year, but in the particular game they visited, he caught their eye as well. that conversation afterward was a shock to him, the first time he considered possibly being good enough to make hockey more than just a fun pastime. from there, it seemed too good to be true : acceptance into cornell, a nice athletic scholarship, hockey on a d1 team.

-- that summer, it was one of his days off from the restaurant and he was at a friend’s lakehouse watching the nhl draft with some friends. he was aware it was a very slim possibility ( and well, everyone who plays always hopes just a little right? ). so they had day two of the draft on in the background, while they were eating some freshly grilled burgers and drinking some not completely legally obtained beer and making plans to go out on the lake later. mar was on the couch cracking some joke when he saw his name on the tv : the fourth round, 95th overall to the vancouver canucks. he kinda stared at it not comprehending, and once he did, he stood up and told his friends they were going to the lake.

-- he’s tried not to let himself think to hard about the fact. the fourth round is a very long shot at best --- but it’s not impossible. he’s dutifully gone to development camp every summer since, but his focus has remained to his school and on his work.

-- he knows he has a choice to make at the end of this season : stay another year to finish college or take that next step forward. architecture is what he likes but hockey is what he loves, and maybe he didn’t really realize he might actually get a chance to live out his true nhl dream. he’s been trying not to focus on it. what he does know, is that this year or after he graduates he plans on signing with vancouver if they’ll still have him -- no matter what anyone tells him. they’re the ones that believed enough in him to draft him three years ago, and he feels a sense of loyalty to them for that.

MISC

-- he almost exclusively goes by ‘mar’. no one knows if it’s taken from his first or last name : it’s a left twix/right twix kinda debate. his teammates probably call him marsy or some shit like that.

-- 6′3″, 193 lbs

-- his wardrobe is pretty much all adidas pants, cornell hockey hoodies, t-shirts from various hockey tournaments, running races, and other misc things you get free t-shirts from. he also has a pretty big chunk of canucks related things from the three development camps he’s been to, but he doesn’t wear it too much because it feels a little like a brag to him sometimes.

-- he’s not that superstitious. he does have a routine before every game, but if things get messed up or done in the wrong order, it doesn’t phase him at all.

-- when he was accepted into cornell, he took some of his long-stashed savings to buy brand new bauer skates. it was the first time he’d ever had brand-new skates. they fittingly ended up having red accents. all his pads are still secondhand, though.

-- he has a small sketchbook. he’s constantly sketching buildings, usually in pen. when it’s nice out, you can find him on the quad drawing some campus building or another. he’s likely redesigned lynah rink like a hundred times already.

-- he prefers to be in the shadows rather than the limelight, and his style of play dictates that. he’s not a goal-scorer, not an offensive defenseman, and isn’t all the flashy. very much has a “if no one notices me, then i’m doing my job”-type mentality, because he assumes if someone does it’s probably because he didn’t do enough to prevent a goal.

-- his reaction to being drafted is very On Brand : constantly brushing off things that are pretty momentous. it comes from a bit of a place of feeling like he’s not really worthy of praise. not that he doesn’t like praise, it’s just... it’s complicated ?.

-- very much a steadying force. knows when to laugh, when to be serious, how to just be a rock on the blue line and in the locker room. he tries not to let too much phase him or get to him either. sometimes people joke he would’ve made a good goalie because of it. ( he laughs because while he loves his goalies, they’re really a complete different breed ).

PERSONALITY

+ laidback, loyal - private, unforthcoming

mar is the kind of guy you want to be friends with. he laughs easily and has a certain friendliness about him. that being said, he has a way to make you feel like you know him but you really don’t. he’s a deeply private person and doesn’t freely disclose much of his close personal life : everything from his emotions, to the fact his wrist is bothering him, to any doubts he has. the frivolous things are given freely : weekend plans, parties, opinions. there’s no true reason for his private state, just that he feels it’s important to keep some things very close to your chest.

on the ice he’s far more imposing, unafraid to throw big hits or get in a scrum if he needs to. he’ll protect his goalie as well as his fellow teammates if the occasion arises.

THE AESTHETICS

SNOWFLAKES CLINGING TO HIS HOODIE AND HAIR... not the type to wear a winter jacket even if the weather maybe calls for it. he loves when it snows and enjoys walking to class when it does so.

A SMILE LIKE A WARNING BEFORE EVERY HIT... “ MARINO smiles before every hit in this thing so the other guy knows what’s coming. ” it’s no secret that mar is a physical presence on the ice ; not dirty, just physical. and he enjoys it.

( tw. kinda graphic injury?? ) GRUESOME SCARS YOU'VE LEARNED TO LOVE... well... mar almost died when he was sixteen, in the middle of playing a tournament. someone crashed the net, he went down trying to defend it, and a skate slashed his neck. it’s a miracle it was a shallow cut --- a few millimeters more and his main artery would’ve been slashed. his souvenir from the incident is a three inch scar on his neck that starts near his adam’s apple and extends at a diagonal toward his right ear. it’s healed to look a bit like a rash or hickey.

ACCOLADES

RUNNER UP, ECAC DEFENSIVE DEFENSEMAN OF THE YEAR ( 2018-19 ) : given to the best defensive defenseman in the conference as voted by the coaches of each ECAC team.

NCAA (ECAC) ALL-ROOKIE TEAM ( 2017-18 )

95th OVERALL, 2017 NHL DRAFT ( vancouver canucks )

SCOUTING REPORT

MARINO provides a strong, physical and highly reliable defensive presence on the blue line. he is unafraid to block shots and sacrifice his body to do so. his skating ability, while not elite, is more than proficient and he can get significant speed when necessary. his is more likely to stand up to hits rather than evade them. MARINO exhibits exceptional passing ability; however, he could do well to improve his overall offensive capabilities and on-ice agility. regardless, his value on the penalty kill and ability to diffuse high danger situations from the opposing team must not be overlooked.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

-- i can see him being friends with whoever the student photographer is that captures the team. creative processes fascinate him.

-- close friend on the team: preferably another dman or goalie. why is this here. i should just send it into the main for the wc list huh.

i suck at coming up with these honestly, so i’m just going to go read intros and hopefully be inspired along the way.

#cornell:intro

11 notes · View notes

drake-the-incubus · 4 years

Note

1-50. Your turn >:3

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I hope so! Hey @hero-of-bowerstone do you love me?

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I’m turning 22 and have done nothing with my life. It depends. I don’t really know many 18 year olds.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Re-reading my favourite book series a couple of days ago. Menoetius please love yourself more my baby, my child. Also writing my last fic is probably sooner. Cause Xiphrus needs love.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Uh… how the fuck do people smile?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Uh yeah. He’s blocked and hopefully will leave me the fuck alone.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Uh not really. I have tailored playlists.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A t-shirt, shorts and underwear? I need to change actually but that requires a shower and I’m too lazy to get that ready :/

8. How often do you listen to music?

24/7. Unless I’m watching a video/video calling, I’m constantly listening to music. When I say I’ve listened to a song for a week straight, it’s likely the song has been looped… for a week straight.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Sweats, jeans fucking suck and cause issues I’d rather not deal with.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

I mean the year already passed but back then I was going into 7th I think? If you mean the turn of this year, yeah I fucking do look at the world.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Anti-Social. I don’t like spending time with people too much and need a lot of alone time. That being said I crave attention from friends.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

I don’t know? I’ve kissed a lot of people I have forgotten bc of truth or dare. Not that I recall.

13. What about ‘R’?

See the same as above.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

No, and legally if I drive I’m going to be arrested as my learners expires soon and I a) have no glasses, b) can’t concentrate on the road to pass a driver’s test. Also why the fuck do people drive those, it’s… so unreliable.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

If they’re not telling me to my face, yeah. If you have a problem with me, bring it up to me. I don’t like people talking behind my back. That being said, nah. Talk shit about me to my face all you want I don’t give a shit.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

I’m spending the next month in another province so the answer is, already out of town. I’ll be going out of this town quite often.

17. When was the last time you cried?

A few days ago I cried over Menoetius losing his fucking shit at love and then again when Joxeia was struggling.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Plenty of times. Then it got thrown back into my face almost the same amount.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Yes and no. If I could have full heterochromia with a blood red eye I’ll fucking take it. That shit’s cool and I still love it. Otherwise only to make my own centerlized-heterochromia more distinct. (Blue/Green Split)

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

My boyfriend? IG. I mean fictionally a lot of boys. IRL I don’t think I could do everything for anyone. Not my style.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I’m hungry and I can’t finish the series I’ve been waiting on bc scanlators dont have the final two chapters.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

No. Ew. It reminds me of what parents are supposed to do. Otherwise why’re you checking my fever? What’s the point?

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Uh depends on what that’s defined as. I talked out loud, verbally to my boyfriend so yeah. Otherwise, no.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A very uncomfortable arm chair/lazy boy type thing.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

My boyfriend. My friends. Also bold of you to assume my family tells me they love me.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, I want a lot of people. Fictional characters are nice, man. Otherwise kinda. On and off.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Staff on a server.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yes! It fucking sucks because I sound like I’m dying MORE now.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

RTX 2018 when I went down there. Wish I could go again.

30. Does anyone hate you?

I would think, someone does, I'm not the most likeable person in the universe. I secretly think everyone does.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I should fucking hope not. If there is my boyfriend is going to have to answer some questions.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

That’s my favourite movie genre.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Ew no. Someone else does and I hate them for it. No that shit is… no. Good on other people but I know ppl who have had it and no.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Um… 2016 bc that ruined my life :)

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Fuck if I know. I woke up hungry and focused on that.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Yesterday. My boyfriend.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I don’t know if I even want to be married, but given what’s going on if I’m not then my bf might cry? So I think yes if we get the finances.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Uh… my boyfriend. But otherwise? Yeah. I’m fairly aware a lot of people develop feelings for me. It kinda weirds me out bc 90% of the time it’s never romantic.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Uh. Statistically speaking someone probably is.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Nope. I don’t really think it was a net good or bad day.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Yeah. We’re two years in September.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

I currently share a house with my sister in law. We just had a conversation when I reached this question actually.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes and that brings up bad memories.

44. What’s the best part about school?

I got away from my abusive parents. Got to write in class. Met some friends. Uh. Learned about many things, people who’re 13 and spent five minutes learning about, argue with me on them. I learned how to write and use none of that knowledge now.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I wish I didn’t, but yeah because I had to upload things for my parents. Including images of before I was out as trans.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Yup. Pretty common past time.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Obsessively. So much so I’ve caused issues. So now I keep fictional worlds going as a coping mechanism.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Nope. Won’t be this one either,

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Hahaha. Fuck no and im glad for it. Not with my parents, not struggling with other issues, not with my ex. Shit’s baller.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Probably writing a fanfic or planning a book. Cleaning. Could use a shower. Will I do any of these? Probably not, my boyfriend jacked my PC.

#ask game #lol this was p easy to do #long post

1 note · View note

bbyboybrock--archived · 5 years

Text

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 3

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 3,077

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

"I'm about to leave right now. Bye!" I tell Colby before hanging up my phone.

Today was Colby's turn to plan a date. We've got on 4 dates total if you don't count today. So far we've gone to the beach, the aquarium, drive-in movie, and mini golfing. We've gone a date about once a week for the past few weeks. Because we're both busy doing our own things, him exploring and me working on my channel, we spend more time texting or face-timing. I have no idea what we're doing for this date, Colby refuses to tell me. Whatever he has planned requires me to wait with him at his house. He decided to take this time to introduce me to his roommates.

I'm nervous about meeting them and I don't even know why. Maybe it's because they're like his family. From what Colby told me and what I've seen from videos, they're all really close. I'm nervous to the point where I've changed my outfit four times. I finally decided on wearing ripped black jeans and a grey tank top. The only think Colby told me about tonight is that I can dress comfortably. I slip on a pair of black converse and I grab my jean jacket before walking out.

****

When I get to their house I recheck my makeup and make sure my hair is fine. I decided against straightening my hair and just left it in its natural curly state. When I got to the front door and knocked I only waited a few seconds before Colby opened the door. He engulfs me in a hug and lets me in. I've never seen the inside of the house in the day or without it filled with people. It looks better than the night of the party when I first met Colby. We pass by the infamous kitchen and walk into a room with seven people sitting on the couch. I can vaguely recognize all of them but my eyes lock on Brennen. I know that he's friends with Colby but I didn't know that they were close enough to introduce the girl he's talking with to him.

"Hey guys, this is Isabella. Isabella, these are my roommates Corey, Devyn, Jake, Aaron, and Sam. Then there's Sam's girlfriend Kat who doesn't live here and neither does Brennen." Colby introduces me to everyone who was sitting down. I plaster on a fake smile and avoid looking at Brennen.

"Hi, nice to meet all of you. I've heard so much."

"Actually, I need to finish something. I'll leave you guys alone to get to know each other. I promise I'll be back." Colby says before kissing my forehead. He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before disappearing upstairs.

I find an empty seat near Kat and sit next to her. I watch as Aaron, Corey, and Jake play a game on the tv.

"So Isabella, how did you and Colby meet?" Kat asks. Her body is fully turned towards me. I can feel Brennen's eyes on me.

"We met here actually. I ran into Colby at the party you guys had six weeks ago. I needed a break from dancing and a refill so I made my way to the kitchen and the rest was history."

"Wow, I can't believe Colby got a girlfriend without actually having to leave the house." Jake retorts.

"Oh no, I'm not— We're not dating. We're just hanging out."

"Well, I can tell you that it's a big deal for Colby to bring any girl over to meet us. I can tell you that as his best friend, he keeps his private life very private. I know that there are a few girls that he's talked to in the past that he wouldn't even mention their names." Sam says. I watch as Kat nudges him and gives him a warning sign.

"He did bring some girls over that we couldn't tell if they were dating or not," Corey says without looking away from the screen.

"Okay, that's enough of that. Isabella, you're coming with us. You boys are allowed to join us when you're ready to not say anything that could scare her away." Devyn gets up and leads Kat and me away from this living room to the next.

"So, tell us something that we can't find out about you on the internet?" Kat asks as we sit down on another couch.

"Um... Oh! I'm currently finishing my third year in university right now."

"Really? Wait, how old are you?"

"I'm 18 but I'm turning 19 next month. I was a scholarship kid at a really fancy private high school that had a deal with the university where we could start taking courses when we were freshmen. I also did AP classes during my last two years so I was doing a dual enrollment thing all of high school."

"I feel like that should be on the internet, like you could be a studytuber or something." Devyn states.

"Trust me, there is a lot of things I can do aren't on the internet for the sole reason being that I don't want to seem like I'm bragging or showing off. I also don't want people treating me like this perfect, multitalented person because I'm flawed. We all are, so why should I be elevated above the rest?"

"I get it. But at the same time, you shouldn't hide because you're afraid of the attention or whatever." Kat reasons.

The three of us talk and I feel more comfortable. While we talk and joke around, the boys slowly come in to join us. First Sam and Brennen came in. Luckily for me, I was sat between both of the girls so Brennen couldn't sit next to me. Jake walked in about 5 minutes later and joined us. Corey and Aaron finally join us about 10 minutes after that. Devyn and Kat divert to the conversation and make sure it moves in a way where I'm still in the loop. All my worries about meeting them are gone. I still feel strange with Brennen near me. I'm surprised he hasn't said anything to anyone.

"Hey, Corey, we got to going to make it in time for the movie," Sam says after checking his phone. Devyn, Corey, Sam, and Kat get up and get ready to go.

"It was nice meeting you, Isabella. I hope you stick around." Devyn says before giving me a quick hug.

"Yeah, we need another girl in the group. These idiots are getting out of hand." Kat gives me a hug and then loops hands with Sam.

The four of them leave and I'm left alone with Jake, Aaron, and Brennen. We all talk some more and get to know each other. Jake crack stupid jokes that make Aaron and I die of laughter. I can tell that Brennen wants to talk to me in private but I'm betting on the chance that Jake and Aaron don't leave and Colby comes back before that happens. A few more minutes pass and I see Colby come down the stairs.

"Sorry about that, I didn't think it would take that long. Are you ready?" Colby places his hand out for me to take. I grab his hand and follow him upstairs. He leads me down a familiar hallway. This time there is a ladder in the middle of it.

"Colbs, is the date in your room?"

"We're not doing that again. Trust me." I watch as Colby climbs up the ladder. I slowly start to climb up too. Colby reaches down when I'm almost at the top and helps me up.

I look around the roof and see a picnic set up with a blanket and food. Surrounding the blanket are fairy lights and fake candles. He must have been setting this up while I was downstairs. I can't help but smile at the effort of this date.

"Wow." I look at Colby and see a stupid grin on his face as he admires his work.

"Come on, sit. On the menu, we have pizza, hot wings, and breadsticks. And before you ask, yes, your half is Hawaiian and my half is normal. We got lemonade and we got a mini cookie pie. We also have a mini arts and crafts project because I know you love art. For entertainment, there is a special playlist that I made specifically for tonight."

"I hate to repeat myself but wow. Someone really paid attention during our first four dates. How long did this take you to do?"

"Too long. Anyway, let's eat before the food gets cold."

Colby and I ate nearly all of the food. We spent more time talking than eating. Colby's playlist kept a calming mood for the whole night. Colby pulls out a bag and starts emptying its contents in front of us. He pulls out two canvases, some paint brushes, and paint. He also brings out some water cups and paper towels and plates.

"So I thought it would be fun for us to paint each other's portraits," Colby says as he passes me supplies.

"Colby, not to judge your artistic ability but I feel like I should warn you that I may take offense to how to paint me." I joke.

"Trust me, I'm a great artist Izzy."

"We'll see. How long do we have? I need to know how to approach this."

"Uh... an hour?"

"Perfect."

I start putting paint onto my plate and taking peeks at Colby's face. I pretty much stare at Colby every time we're together. But now I'm taking in his features. The lighting out here doesn't do justice for Colby's eyes. That's where I spend most of my time looking. I can get lost in his eyes. They calm me and make me feel safe.

I paint slowly and fast at the same time. Every time I look over at Colby I see that he has a stupid smirk on his face but his eyes are concentrated. He looks up every few seconds and then goes back to his painting. The timer goes off and Colby and I both drop our brushes at the same time.

"Okay, maybe you should show yours first. Since this little activity was my idea."

"Here goes nothing I guess," I say as I flip over my canvas. Colby doesn't respond at first, which scares me.

"It's amazing, but I think I have you beat." Colby flips over his canvas and I'm confused at first of what is on his canvas.

Instead of the horribly painted version of me that I was expecting there are words. It takes me a few seconds to register that it reads: "Will you be my girlfriend?" I read the painting over and over again to make sure I read it correctly.

"I-I...uh... Colby, before I can answer I feel like we need to talk." I put down my canvas and fiddle with my fingers.

"Go ahead." He pauses the music and places his canvas down.

"I know that we're both social media people and our lives are pretty much out there. But there is still a part of my life that I like to keep private. So if we do this, then I'd want to keep it a secret. Not forever, just for a little while. Maybe for the first year?"

"Isabella, look, I'm asking you to be my girlfriend because over the past five weeks I genuinely like spending time with you. You make me want to be a better version of myself. I learned a lot from you when you took me to the aquarium. When we talk you try to make me see earlier so that I don't feel as bad about waking up so late and missing a lot of the day. Look, I'm asking you to be my girlfriend because I actually want to be with you, not use you for clickbait. I was going to ask if we could keep our relationship private anyway. Not just because I like my privacy, but mostly because I know that some fans are going to be upset and I don't want those negative individuals hurt you."

"Then yes, I'll be your girlfriend. To be honest, I've been feeling the same way but I didn't know how to go about it."

"Glad to know that we were on the same page. I was actually so scared. Everyone really likes you so I was trying not to screw up."

"So that's why the ambush; it all makes sense. It's kind of like when they throw babies in pools and have them hope for the best. Anyway, I have one question."

"Shoot."

"How do we relationship? Like how does this all work?" Colby knows that I've never dated anyone before so being in this situation leaves me so many questions. Colby chuckles at my question.

"Well for starters, we can spend more time together. You know, instead of one a week maybe two to three times? The rest we figure out as we go along."

"I can do that. Sorry for being such a dork. This is all new to me."

"Don't worry, I'm used to dorks. I live with a lot of them."

"Is this why you had me spend time with your roommates and Brennen? To see if I'm like friend compatible?" I lie down on the blanket and look at the dark sky. The downside of living in the city is the inability to see the stars. You're lucky is you can see a few dots.

"Yeah. I have a lot of friends but that group I know for sure that they're actually my friends. I'm not sure about everyone else. You get it, right?" Colby joins me in laying down. He laced our hands together.

"Oh definitely. I just found it easier to keep my circle very small. You know, only me. Well, you're in my circle too now." I turn my head and see that Colby is looking at me already.

"Well, I'm honored to be in that circle."

For the rest of the night, Colby and I spend time talking more about our relationship. Rules on what types of pranks we can't do on each other and how we are going to navigate in public if we encounter fans. We also talk about how if we hang out here at the house we have to be careful in case someone is doing some sort of social media thing. We figured out how to work around our busy schedules. We decided on one big date every week, a day where we work on either editing our videos or I do homework while Colby edits his videos, and a random day to do whatever.

Colby also added me to a group chat that has his friends in it so we can all get to know each other more. We explained that we're dating and the whole privacy thing. My fans probably won't care if they knew that I was dating someone. That probably has to do with the fact that I don't even mention anything about crushes on my platform. However, if someone even mentions Colby and the word girlfriend in the same context some of his fans will start digging and may figure it out. I think Colby is more scared than I am about the negative fans finding out than I am. I'm petrified because I know I'll get hate comments but I've never gotten hate comments like the ones I've seen posted under anything where Colby is with another girl. The hate comments seem like nothing compared to the one on his stuff. I know Colby's mention either not being friends with some of those girls or having to keep their friendship a secret because of some comments. I can't imagine how scared he is.

****

I went home maybe an hour after our date had ended. I helped Colby take down everything on the roof that way he could go to sleep sooner. When I got home I participated in the group chat a bit. Before hopping into the shower I sent a message asking for everyone to comment their names so I could add them to my contact list. When I got out I made sure that my backpack was ready for class the next day. I flop into bed and check my messages and see that everyone is talking about going to the beach on Saturday. I text them back telling them that I could go. I go up further and add everyone one to my contacts. While going through everyone in the group chat I realized that Brennen was also in it. I never wanted Brennen to have my number but now its too late. After adding the contacts I text Colby good night and that he should go to sleep too. When I'm about to close the messages app I see that I have a text from Brennen.

Brennen: So... that's why you've been avoiding me? I don't get it, u been involved with other guys while we still did our thing.

Me: I've been avoiding you because you have a girlfriend and you didn't tell me after months of us hooking up prior. I'm not going to ruin someone's relationship. And you shouldn't compare me talking to Colby, a guy I actually like, with guys I would hook up with while drunk at parties. Plus, you and I never were never a thing. You wanted to get laid and I wanted to get drunk without the risk of my fake id being inspected.

Brennen: What if I broke up with Kyra? I don't even like her that much. It's not the same anyway, you're way better than she is.

Me: You idiot. You know that Colby and I are dating, you're in the group chat.

Brennen: What Colby doesn't know won't hurt him. Same goes for Kyra, but if you need her to be out of the picture to be comfortable than she's gone.

Me: You're disgusting

Brennen: C'mon Jizzy, I need you right now. Just come over for old time's sake

Brennen sent an unsolicited dick pic with his last text. I quickly delete it not wanting to have it on my phone.

Me: Send me another dick pic and I swear I'll block you AND tell Colby. Fuck off Brennen and leave me alone.

#colby #colby brock #colby fanfic #colby brock fanfic #colby fan fic #colby brock fan fic #colby fanfiction #colby brock fanfiction #colby fan fiction #colby brock fan fiction

24 notes · View notes