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theinfinitedivides · 2 years

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I thought I was seeing things when I first saw the oneus news today. They aren't my ults nor was ravn my bias (keonhee hello) but my friend loves him and I've had to console her all day.

Regardless of if it's true or not, or half true half a lie, it's B A D and I can't really see anything other than him leaving.

At first it read so much like Lucas' situation last year in NCT for me so I was a bit unsure, but there seems to be far more evidence. Also, I'm not one to discredit someone making such serious accusations. It should be taken seriously.

I don't really know how to feel. I was meant to see them live and I do like their music a lot and enjoyed his voice, and now it just feels... empty?

Not to mention it makes me scared. It may sound selfish (because it partially very much is), but it makes me wonder what other group is next. If there's anything else that someone I look up to has done that goes along these lines. It makes me feel sick. It makes me want to tune off anyone I may enjoy watching or listening to.

It just makes me wonder what else is secretly tainted and I HATE that. I really hope this situation is resolved and taken seriously by the company and that he leaves. And to anyone who loved ravn or oneus, I hope you're doing as well as you can right now 💕

i completely understand, tbh—i starting following oneus during their pre-debut days and then really got into them after their official debut in mid January of 2019, which was a really rough period for me since i had just lost my aunt a few weeks prior at the beginning of the month. i think my relationship with them was more of a comfort group than an ult, in a sense? even if after this news i do decide to continue listening to them (which, depending on what RBW decides to do, is still an option) that's the category they'd stay in, although i'm not sure how much comfort they'll offer.

i was also hesitant to talk about it here bc it did feel like the Lucas situation (which still has some contradictory points in my opinion/much less evidence for the case), but as soon as i saw the OP talk about how he gaslighted her and mentioned wanting to kill his ex-girlfriend i knew i had to speak up. on the writeblr side of Tumblr i've been gaslighted and threatened by several users over the years (all of whom i have blocked and reported), so ik how terrifying that can be in my own life. no one should have to go through that, especially at the hands of someone who claims to love them/wants to marry them in the future.

my Spotify library has been..... in limbo, during the last few hours, and i haven't touched a single song from them. it sucks, and it's not fair to the rest of the members, but this isn't like with Woojin or Wonho where we had circumstantial evidence (which was shaky at best and eventually proved to be downright false in both cases), or with Hanbin, where the evidence we did have was greatly blown out of proportion and the actual crime was much milder than we thought. this is a detailed list of allegations with electronic trails, and he has had his hands in most of the group's work. Blood Moon, which earned them several awards, opens the album with a prequel track—an absolutely gorgeous piece and some of their best work to date—where he raps through a lot of the lines with Leedo. i don't know if i'll be able to separate the art from this part of the artist, and frankly i don't want to think about that rn when everything is so fresh.

pls know, however, that you are completely valid in being worried about other groups—not a day goes by where there's a new scandal in the industry and i don't immediately think of some of my own biases, and i wonder if getting into k-pop was worth it. but you do not deserve to have your happiness taken away from you bc of things that have not happened yet (and may never happen) to people that you enjoy listening to.

at the time i'm answering this RBW has put out a statement saying that they're investigating the charges and taking them seriously, but they won't be commenting on anything else until the internal investigation is finished. even if he is proven innocent (which is looking to be more and more unlikely) he's pretty much ruined his career, damaged those of his fellow members, and ended years long friendships with other 4th generation idols. (CyA from onewe [oneus' sister band] privating all of the tracks they produced together and unfollowing him on SoundCloud is a pretty clear sign in my book that this is as bad, if not worse, as we think it is—they've been friends for years, and him taking this step [after most likely trying to confirm the details himself] means both bands are on very shaky ground.) i don't want oneus to disband—not when everything is finally starting to look up for them—but i want people to be held accountable for what they've done. if him leaving is equivalent to that, then let him leave. let him leave, and let the others live in peace. let them come to terms with this, and figure out what they want to do next. let them be able, in the future, to stand on their own two feet, so that fans can hear about oneus and think of their music and their accomplishments. not this.

#inbox #q: mmoonbaee #oneus #not sure if you meant to send this more than once but #yeah it's one of those days #didn't think this would be the way i would bring k-pop discourse onto my dash #a moment of silence bc we have proven once again that this world f*cking sucks #news: the r*vn situation

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ravewing · 8 months

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cambrian period dashboard simulator

redlichiida-realdeactivated0455414

petition to ban anomalocarises from the local sandbar. theyre so fucking big and it's freaking everyone out and me personally ion want a trilobite muncher looming over me when im trying to have a drink.

🪲 trillybite17 Follow

they dont call them the ABNORMAL shrimp for nothing, they're fucking weird

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

No, you know what petition needs to be started? One to get rid of ignorant bigots like you. Have you ever SEEN an Anomalocaris ever eat– let alone ATTACK– a trilobite? No, you haven't. Because they DON'T EAT TRILOBITES. Do some fucking research before you say shit like this.

⚜️ splendidmarrella Follow

fyi if you get rid of anomalocarises from public spaces then you will quite literally starve. you know those dead soft-bodied organisms yall scavenge and eat? yeah anomalocaris is the one providing those for you. as a scavenger myself i have been personally impacted by loss of food due to unfair treatment of anomalocarises that have forced them to leave the shallows that i live in and let me tell you eating detritus and nothing else is literally awful. please think twice before you post something prejudiced like this.

🩶 pleurae71 Follow

common hallucigenia + marrella W

ignore the OP, i promise most of us trilobites aren't like them- i don't even know why this is a debate. i guarantee they've never stepped outside of their little rock cave in their life

🌀 xcorynexospikesx Follow

LMFAOO they deactivated☠️

32,354 notes

🫧 cambripuns Follow

What do you call a Hurdiidae without any eyes? A Hurddae!

♟️vampeytoia Follow

actually you'd call it 'uncle maximilien' because my uncle maximilien was hatched with no eyes

💼 stanley-shrimp Follow

Valerie, you and I both know damn well that you do not have an "Uncle Maximilien," let alone one with no eyes. Stop lying on the internet and stop leaving your soft-bodied organism carcasses on my front sandbed. It smells putrid.

♟️ vampeytoia Follow

wow ok mr fun police. just go and piss on my parade like that

51,039 notes

👾 fiveeyedcoolguy Follow

giys i.m tripping bals rn lol. shuld not hv eaten tge 'detritus " browni e from the hallucigna.. i saw thr magic anomllcrais

🪱 pinkpikaiapage Follow

What?? Elaborate

👾 fiveeyedcoolguy Follow

He told me a prophecy

6,211 notes

🦐 apexshrimpy Follow

she cambrian on my period till i explosion

#anomalo talks #misc tag #is this hash tag funny or no?

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🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

thinking about dying my spikes again. what color should i get?

🍢 leancho852 Follow

Do magenta to match your skateboard!!

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

ohh that's actually really smart thanks🙏

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🪨 shalesifters Follow

🧽 the-odontogriphus767 Follow

yo wtf. none of these fuck the landmasses. we're all in the ocean for a REASON

🦪 biofilmer08 Follow

Hey, actually, a few other molluscs and I browse on the microbial biofilm :)

♟️ vampeytoia Follow

🤓

9,761 notes

🕸️ arthropodstemz Follow

reblog if u get around by undulating ur lateral lobes

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📜 g-wiwaxia Follow

Did anyone else happen to see @shalesifters poll on the landmasses (followed by the reblog of the mollusc)? I'd like to think that I was born in the wrong generation. I should have been able to experience the joys of being a land-dweller. I may just have grown tired of being in the ocean every day; quite frankly I just want some sort of change or reform (especially considering the incredulous prices of jellyfish nowadays...)

#Rant #I hope you guys get the idea. I expect some (likely a copious amount of, actually) hate for this one, but regardless I thought that I'd share my thoughts here #I'd like to move to Laurentia

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📸 daily-cambrian-pics Follow

⚜️ splendidmarrella Follow

omg thats me on the bottom in the middle! @romip51212 @kookykootenia look its us from earlier today

🫑 kookykootenia Follow

Woah whatt this is actually crazy

🍤 romip51212 Follow

yo i look rad in that.. changing my header immediately

8,121 notes

🦂 radiodont-radiostatic Follow

DNI if you support any of the anti-anomalocaris propaganda that's circling around. Sick and tired of the twisted lies that are being spread on here. I won't stand for the slandering of my brethren.

#static speaks #dni #will not hesitate to block and report any of you bigoted assholes

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🪼 jlyfsgh224256 Follow

79,343 notes

🍌 nectocarisking69420 Follow

I FUCKING LOVE DETRITUS

🍌 nectocarisking69420 Follow

Yo wtf was i on last night

🍢 leancho852 Follow

You were speaking your truth king. Don't hold back

755 notes

🪸 see-you-lagerstatte Follow

thought too long about the big white orb beyond the surface and broke down crying. What to do about this?

#why is it there?????? what is it???? #please im going insane over this

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🐾 catboycanadaspis Follow

born to say "nya!" and meow. forced to consume the coarse particles found on the sediment surface

886 notes

🌊 tidal-trilobite Follow

hey has anyone else noticed that it's been harder to breathe lately or is it just me? can't afford to go to the doctor for an exam rn

🦀 clackyappendages Follow

I thought that it was just me! I might sound crazy but have there been less archaeocyathids lately??

🐚 sand-muncher-757 Follow

i've had TWO neighbors pass away from hypoxia in the past month, definitely have noticed the breathing issues too. also i havent seen an archaeocyathid in so long either. so weird😬😬

682 notes

#cambrian period #cambrian explosion #cambrian #paleozoic #paleontology #paleoblr #dashboard simulator #anomalocaris #anomalopost #opabinia #trilobite #hallucigenia #wiwaxia #canadaspis #pikaia #possible amrev reference

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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years

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meow meow, its muning and PLEASE tell me you received the first part?? bc just after they said that it's sent they said tumblr is broken TT i hope it really was sent.. so yeah it must be part 2. 'i literally opened genshin for this' ohh i feel honored. firSt of all, THE CAT TT omg what a cutie you have there. you remember ekaterina? well, my besties name is liza. just find it hilarious and kinda "mom i'm on tv!" hope youll make a stable relationship with lisa ghjdjdh. good for you. its so cute how you speak about xiangling. its great she made you feel this way. your brothers can just envy you enjoying your life and playing the way you want instead of just 'optimally' being nerds) jean seams to be gaslight gatekeep girlboss! i like it. hope you'll learn how to value her like she deserves TT 'THE CAT I STOOD THER' well the kittys laying now and its even more cute TT tbh it was the first thing i noticed... 'i have to keep adjusting the camera' oh so youre the cameraman now? youre doing great, sweetie. idk if i understand 'op' right but if i do then yelan slays. she's pretty. hope she'll do well if you plan to keep leveling her up. 'you cant talk to this cat' so cruel!!! sayu is basically my mood 24/7, i could've slept forever if i had an opportunity. i'm happy you feel so much about sayu, its cute. and hope youll get klee. and youll be the mother of two children... pls dont end up like viserys... AHJAJA amber TT poor girl. weak + weak = getting stronger so... idk good luck to both of you. good for musicians, in this house we love musicians. tbh i never heard of xinyan too but yor love is everything that matters. well morning is pretty! hope it didnt tire you up too much. i appreciate the efforts, though. thanks for showing me all of them!! she's Minimum viable product?.... anyway i'm glad you teamed up so well. she made her best so let zhongli work too. 'hell theme is fresh' i know about dante girl TT i really want to read it but i dont have time. but i know TT im not stupid. i meant like?? its a fictional concept that doesnt exist (or its not proven). hell is such a big thing to fantasise about. its fresh in a away its still not overused and hasnt been told everything about? i literally study literature like.. thoroughly... now i feel so stupid TT i just wanted to see more modern images of hell TT 'theres something about the idea of sending an ask that makes me anxious' its totally ok!! theres nothing really scary! ive been anxious to send asks too but probably being anon helped me a lot fhdhj. no is still an answer, if anything. we say 'they dont beat you for asking'. go and communicate with everyone you want to. 'im allergic to dust' GOD BLESS YOU and good luck. poor babe. 'the weather is cold' 1) i understood i cant slap people. literally. i have no experience so i have no knowledge. 2) what system do you use? like centigrade or fahrenheit? and what is cold for you... 3) its pretty warm now in where i live! its -18° C so im satisfied with the weather. 4) actually, not the whole russia is cold... its just me being from siberia. its +2° rn in the city where my besties from which is in the south. hope the movie'll be interesting at least. its ok. you can write whenever you want and whenever you're comfortable. since you've closed requests, just give you some time and enjoy some time off writing. (but let me know when youre willing to hear a concept about daemon feeling guilty and having to face the surprising reality). some emotions again! ive watched some videos with hotd cast and i'm so in love with Olivia TT shes not mommy, shes mother and i love her TT i love even the actors of rhaenys and corlys (sorry babes, my memory is bad). the girl who played young alicent is also soso cool. alicent's cast is really amazing. maybe i still think theyre not as similar as young and adult rhaenyras but their acting is good. do you have a fav hotd actor (beside daemon)? ok i think ill go end up my essay and go to bed. love you!! have a nice day/evening/night/life! good luck with the assignments! take care <з

yes i very much did get your first part HAHAAH muning

i kinda feel bad for the eternal pain of this perfectly looped gif

tumblr go bonk🤠 it cant handle your love for me

'i literally opened genshin for this' ohh i feel honored. firSt of all, THE CAT TT omg what a cutie you have there. you remember ekaterina? well, my besties name is liza. just find it hilarious and kinda "mom i'm on tv!" hope youll make a stable relationship with lisa ghjdjdh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH STABLE RELATIONSHIP HAHAHHAHA. yeah i get what you feel every time i see another hannah im like OMG NO WAY but i hope they dont make a hannah character 😔👎 idk its weird someone else has my name HAHAHAH like that song by twenty one pilots 'down in the forest' LOLOLOL

good for you. its so cute how you speak about xiangling. its great she made you feel this way. your brothers can just envy you enjoying your life and playing the way you want instead of just 'optimally' being nerds)

HD:ASHDFAFDH:AHSF SO TRUE MY BROTHERS SUCK THE FUN OUT OF THE GAME SOMETIME though i understand why they tell me this because it is frustrating to play when you have no idea what ur doing and every since i tried out some of the stuff they said, i really did see results so HAHAHH

jean seams to be gaslight gatekeep girlboss! i like it. hope you'll learn how to value her like she deserves TT

T_T #justiceforjean

'THE CAT I STOOD THER' well the kittys laying now and its even more cute TT tbh it was the first thing i noticed...

i specifically posed there to show you the kitty!!!!

'i have to keep adjusting the camera' oh so youre the cameraman now? youre doing great, sweetie.

😡❌🍅 its the camera in the GAME 👎👎👎👎👎

idk if i understand 'op' right but if i do then yelan slays. she's pretty. hope she'll do well if you plan to keep leveling her up.

im so sorry i assumed you just knew HAHAHHA OP means over powered hHAHAHHAAHHA. yes yelan slays. i do plan to level her up.......... eventuallly

'you cant talk to this cat' so cruel!!!

there are some cats you can talk to

hold on let me open the game T_T

here !! his name is prince! you can 'talk to him

noelles so tiny T_T

lol nvm i changed to the main character and i cant talk to cat because my level is not high enough to challenge him HAHHHAH anyway lol thats it

sayu is basically my mood 24/7, i could've slept forever if i had an opportunity. i'm happy you feel so much about sayu, its cute. and hope youll get klee. and youll be the mother of two children... pls dont end up like viserys...

im luv sayu for real. AND PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NOT YOU COMPARING ME TO VISERYS T_T NAURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR i hope i get klee too! T_T i will love her forever even if shes weak HAHAAH

AHJAJA amber TT poor girl. weak + weak = getting stronger so... idk good luck to both of you.

AHHAHHAHHAAH WEAK + WEAK = GETTING STRONGER SLAYYYYYYYY <3 LOVE THAT MENTALITY

good for musicians, in this house we love musicians. tbh i never heard of xinyan too but yor love is everything that matters. well morning is pretty! hope it didnt tire you up too much. i appreciate the efforts, though. thanks for showing me all of them!!

<3 im luv u too <3 i wasnt tired but i was a lil relucant to share em because it might be oversharing now LOL but anyway i like showing you things <3

she's Minimum viable product?.... anyway i'm glad you teamed up so well. she made her best so let zhongli work too.

T_T noelle my love T_T shes not a minimum viable product T_T IDEK WHAT THAT MEANS ok i know what it means now i guess ??? maybe she was like that for me???? T_T but thats so sad to think T_T

'hell theme is fresh' i know about dante girl TT i really want to read it but i dont have time.

i aint ever reading that its too long T_T i hope you get to reading it since you seem to want to

but i know TT im not stupid. i meant like?? its a fictional concept that doesnt exist (or its not proven). hell is such a big thing to fantasise about. its fresh in a away its still not overused and hasnt been told everything about?

I SEE good point good point

i literally study literature like.. thoroughly... now i feel so stupid TT i just wanted to see more modern images of hell TT

T_T you wanna see modern hell T_T PLS i hope you only mean in the show

'theres something about the idea of sending an ask that makes me anxious' its totally ok!! theres nothing really scary! ive been anxious to send asks too but probably being anon helped me a lot fhdhj. no is still an answer, if anything. we say 'they dont beat you for asking'. go and communicate with everyone you want to.

SOOOOOO REALLL FOR THAT LOVE THAT FOR YOU AND ME i will try to be more.... or ok less anxious about sending asks!! 😤😤😤😤😤 ill try T_T HAAAH

'im allergic to dust' GOD BLESS YOU and good luck. poor babe.

T_T every time i clean a really dusty place my body is like is this a threat CLOG THE NOSTRILS then i cant breathe T_T

'the weather is cold' 1) i understood i cant slap people. literally. i have no experience so i have no knowledge. 2) what system do you use? like centigrade or fahrenheit? and what is cold for you... 3) its pretty warm now in where i live! its -18° C so im satisfied with the weather.

let me stop you right here AHAHHAHAHHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH ok #1 ok i get it BUT youre going to slap me when i answer number 3 #2 i use Celsius like you!! #3 T_T HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAH its 28C here HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i would die probably if i went to you. but ok to be fair i have an electric fan open and when its night it gets colder so HAHAHAHAHHAHH

4) actually, not the whole russia is cold... its just me being from siberia. its +2° rn in the city where my besties from which is in the south.

T_T cold is relative sure but russia is all cold to ME T_T

hope the movie'll be interesting at least.

me too T_T im going to watch it after this T_T

its ok. you can write whenever you want and whenever you're comfortable. since you've closed requests, just give you some time and enjoy some time off writing. (but let me know when youre willing to hear a concept about daemon feeling guilty and having to face the surprising reality). some emotions again!

<3 <3 youre so sweet <3 so much sweeter than normal <3 im taking credit T_T JK YOUVE ALWAYS BEEN SWEET IM LUV U SO MUCH i am glad you didnt say the daemon idea cos i might wanna write it A:LSHASLFHLASFHASL:HFAS HAHHAHAAHHAAH

ive watched some videos with hotd cast and i'm so in love with Olivia TT shes not mommy, shes mother and i love her TT

i mean shes both mommy and mother T_T im luv her so much

NAH BUT THIS SCENE WAS SO INTENSE BUT THEYRE BOTH SO HOT IN IT HKASHF:LHASFAS:F

i love even the actors of rhaenys and corlys (sorry babes, my memory is bad).

I LOVE THEM TOO IVE SEEN A FEW INTERVIEWS WITH THEM and they look like theyre having so much fun <3

the girl who played young alicent is also soso cool. alicent's cast is really amazing. maybe i still think theyre not as similar as young and adult rhaenyras but their acting is good.

I LOVE HER TOO i remember stumbling on ... young alicent actress T_T EMILY emily's tiktok and she was so ?????? SO COOL ???? WOW

do you have a fav hotd actor (beside daemon)? ok i think ill go end up my essay and go to bed.

ig i like tom glynn-carney (aegon) because ???? HES SO SWEET IRL WHICH WAS SHOCKING?? i mean he's so slimy as aegon SO ITS LIKE <3 <3 ??!!!! idk hES SO PUUPPPPY AND THATS WHY I MADE AEGON A PUPPY IN THE MODERN AU and yeah i like aemond's actor ewan mitchell too!!! he's a cutie pie as well AND ??? SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING????. I MEAN I ALSO LOVE EMMA theyre so HAS:FHSA <3 BUT I MEAN I ALSO LOVE OLIVA SHES so TAL:FHASL:FSA SOOOOOO <3 yes. HAHAHAHA

love you!! have a nice day/evening/night/life! good luck with the assignments! take care <з

i love you my baby <3 i hope youre doing well with your work and life and eveything. <3

xxx

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

0 notes

michaelmilkers · 3 years

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an odd question perhaps but did you ever deal with internalised transphobia or have doubts about transition and if yes how did you get past it?

found this in my inbox idk how old it is so sorry for not answering it in a timely manner lol but anyway

yeah a big hurdle for me with top surgery was self doubt. tldr on the context i went to a very small high school (like 30 people in my graduating class) where everyone knew i was trans and i didnt really have to explain myself so i didnt feel the need to bind or anything but when i moved away for college and started interacting with the world at large i started to realize that having breasts was dealing a major blow to my self confidence and comfort with myself and just my physical existence in general.

and when i realized that and started looking into it it made me so so so uncomfortable and i couldnt figure out why. but through conversations with my therapist she helped me realize that i didnt think i deserved it. since it wasnt debilitating dysphoria that sent me into panic attacks or kept me from leaving the house i just kept rationalizing it and thinking i could get over it, even though i did that for years and i never ever did. even though they didnt cause me horrific dysphoria i constantly felt like i was living and being myself in spite of my breasts and thats just a very emotionally taxing experience.

so i finally realized that and worked through that and then i found a doctor and scheduled a surgery date and then i was hit with this whole new wave of anxiety. not at all about the surgeon or the work she did, dont get me wrong, i wouldnt have chosen her if i had any doubts about that, but i was so afraid of anything about the entire experience being less than perfect because i was afraid of being anything but completely satisfied and overjoyed. because i felt that if that happened i would be a ‘bad’ trans person because im somehow proving that medical transition is bad. thats obviously a massive stretch but i have ocd so this kind of downward logical spiral is kinda common for me.

this was really hard for me to deal with and honestly the best advice i can give is to visualize what happiness looks like to you because thats the only thing that got me out of my counterproductive thought process. i had to visualize what i knew would bring me joy and comfort and peace while also realizing the road to get there is organic and can be unpredictable. rn im six months post-op and i do not regret it one bit. there are even parts of my results that arent perfect just because of the healing process, like theres a part of my scar that is wavier than the rest, and when i raise my arms my armpits look a little different because my natural breasts were different sizes, and if i could wave a magic wand and fix those things i’d obviously do it but i seriously just dont care at all. all of my fears were completely unfounded. and i knew it literally the moment i woke up after the surgery and was lucid enough to actually think semi-clearly because i experienced a feeling of peace unlike anything i have ever experienced and i hope that every single trans person can experience that feeling at least once.

i visualized what my happiness looked like and i did what i had to do to get there. for the record i dont regret the years i lived with breasts, because it gave me enough experience and knowledge to know for sure that that wasnt the way i wanted to live. a hard part about being trans is that our lives are so hyper politicized that we internalize the experience of constant judgment and thats what held me back. but youre not here and doing what youre doing for anyone else’s approval or agenda, and the only person who can decide whats best for you is you. it probably wont be an easy or straightforward decision, and its something that should be examined and picked apart but questions you can ask yourself about transitioning or surgery or whatever else are: 1. will this improve my life? mental wellbeing, self image, physical comfort, social interaction, etc 2. is there something holding me back from doing this? is that something internal or external? 3. are there things i’m afraid of? what are the likelihoods of those things to happen? and if they do happen, what can i do? 4. how would i or my life be different (positively) if i were to do this thing?

#idk what to tag this bc of the recent fiasco lol so sorry

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janiedean · 3 years

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if you ever wrote that rant about grrm making jon his chosen one deconstruction i'd be very happy to read it 👀

hello anon sorry for the lateness but here we go *deep breath*

sssooo, I had once ranted about it though not mentioning the thing I mentioned in those tags so lemme see if I can find the op and like... cp the main argument and amend it bc it was long, but okay so I found it, original anon asked me: why is Jon considered to be one of the most special characters grrm created? Why is he not the typical hero of fantasy books?, my original answer was here if anyone wants to go there but basically lemme just cp the first part making it shorter and then I'm adding:

first thing, the Typical Post-Tolkien Chosen One With A Shitty Life Before He Finds Out He Is Chosen™ character (I’m saying post-tolkien because every fantasy writer in existence who copies tolkien thinks that lotr went like that and instead it didn’t) usually goes through the following steps: his life sucks up until the beginning of the series, his family generally hates him/her or doesn’t appreciate them or abuses them or anyway doesn’t make their life easier and they’ve never known any different, but *something* never quite worked right and they always knew something was missing in their life, they just didn’t know why. suddenly someone who knows they were Chosen™ shows up and tells them that they’re actually Special because of this this and that and they have a quest to go on to save the world or something. our hero/heroine obviously is finally validated and while their quest is hard and full of hardships and maybe they lose a few friends along the way, finding out that they were Chosen gives their life meaning, they usually find love/friends/everything they didn’t have before until they fulfill the Prophecy™ and live more or less happily ever after, possibly after hooking up with the Person Of Their Dreams with whom they had UST up until the last twenty pages of the book. basically: being Chosen™ in regular fantasy novels is a good thing because suddenly you’re special and all the crap you suffered acquires a new meaning and in the end it made your life better.

jon snow is a complete overhaul of about everything in this sense because

instead of having a family who hates him he has a family who actually mostly loves him, and with ned it’s arguably so much that he risks royal treason by keeping him hidden from his *best friend* - sure, there’s cat and peripherally sansa, but his issues stem from the fact that he feels lesser because he’s a bastard (as far as he knows) and it’s a *class* issue, not a *my family hates me* issue not counting catelyn obv but that's what gives him freudian issues more on that in the emended part later

no one actually knows that he’s Chosen™ - like mel could get there and probably will and someone will put two and two together when his parentage comes out in the open, but he doesn’t have a gandalf or mentor who shows him The Way Towards His Quest

so instead of going from ‘my life sucks but I’m going on a quest which is gonna be a+’ he actively chooses to leave a fairly decent situation (a household he knows, siblings who love him - ned actually hoped he’d become robb’s counselor or right hand man or something from what we can gather) because he feels like he has to prove he’s better than his name and goes to the Crappiest Place In Westeros. like idk if people grasp it, but the wall is basically a prison and at the ripe age of fourteen he decides that it’s totally a good and honorable choice (his only choice actually) to go defend the realm in the freezing cold along with a bunch of criminals/derelicts/rejects of society

at which point he makes friends among said rejects and let’s remember that it’s the point where he actually has to do his first an only privilege when donal noye made him go like hey you were brought up with nobles these ppl are here because they stole bread, and that helps making him more into the person he is rn but like your tyopical fantasy hero who has had a shitty life doesn’t usually have to acknowledge that other people might have had it worse

then he goes on the Quest where he finds his first One True Love, and that’s where it turns even worse because usually the quest is where things start to go right for the Hero™, instead for jon they start to go wronger, because first he has to go undercover which pretty much tests most of his belief/code system, he falls in love with a girl he has to betray, half of his friends and his lord commander die along the way, while he’s off doing his thing winterfell gets taken/burned and robb dies when jon openly stated that he also was going to the wall to defend his family and keep them safe (yeaaah worked out real well), when he goes back to the wall he has to fight the people he lived with for months, the woman he loves dies in his arms and he can’t do anything about it and he’s aware it couldn’t have gone any other way, people put defending the wall on him and then put his loyalty in question, when stannis shows up with a legitimization (which is everything he ever wanted) he refuses because he doesn’t want to accidentally steal his siblings’s inheritance (which was what cat was so worried about hahaha) and actively chooses the crappy defending the realm life all over again. also in all this time his being Chosen™ hasn’t manifested or helped him in any way whatsoever - actually all his honor-moral code related baggage is what moral dilemmas come from that. like, your usual chosen hero™ would always take the right decision and it all turns out good eventually, jon takes the morally right decision and it all turns SOUR eventually

at this point he finally gets elected LC, thanks to his friends also pitching in, which is about the one fantasy hero™ thing that’s happened for now. should be good, yes?

lol no, because he ends up with THAT hellish responsibility at sixteen, since he thinks that he has absolutely to be even better than that now and he has very specific notions about how you should lead and he knows he has to take unpopular decisions/decisions that he doesn’t necessarily like, he ends up either having to send his friends away forreal (sam) or detaching from them (pyp/grenn/the likes) and when as far as he knows he learns that his sister is married to ramsay he can’t do anything about it

never mind that it’s the same situation as when he had to pick the watch or robb in book one - he went there to defend his family and now being there actually prevents him from helping them in person. ops. meanwhile he’s trying to implement a new vision of things which is modern and smart and actually makes sense because why fighting the wildlings when you have ZOMBIES coming. your usual Chosen One™ would get people to approve just because he’s the Chosen One

instead jon gets stabbed to death - okay, that was also because he wanted to go get arya but it was the last straw, people were pissed over the wildlings plan first and foremost

so basically he’s gone through all the Chosen One™ steps but in reverse - he loses his family which did love him instead of finding another one that makes the first pale in comparison, he does find a new one who loves him but has to alienate most of its members for responsibility reasons as a consequence of what should have been the crowning achievement of his life choices (which eventually is NOT one), he falls in love and they don’t drag the UST forever but they never get a chance to be together without small print in between, he chooses the admittedly most masochistic life he could for his family as well and half of them die and he can’t do a thing for the other half, every other mentor-like figure he runs into after ned dies, instead of finding validation he ends up having to isolate himself and on top of everything HE STILL DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE™

so instead of his life going better the more he learns stuff and matures as a person, he gets murdered. by the people he trusts and who were supposed to be his new family. haha?

never mind that when he finds out he’s the Chosen One™ it won’t bring him closure because all he ever wanted was being full stark like his father/siblings and then bam he’s going to find out his father’s actually targaryen and what does that even mean to him?

on top of that being AA will just be a pain because I don’t believe for a second he’s not going to get leftover ptsd and who the hell is gonna help him deal with it? or how is he ever getting over his *brothers* murdering him? and people are going to ask stuff of him all over again and he’s gonna have to go slay a mythical monster and if I know grrm it’s not gonna be fun, pretty or cathartic FOR HIM

on top of that, Chosen Hero™ fulfills the prophecy and gets a realm to rule and everyone lives happily ever after. money is that if jon does get that realm (and I think he is because he has the best claim if he's legitimate and most likely it'll turn out he was on the targ side but ROBB also legitimized him so he has double the legitimization), he’s going to hate every second of it and he’ll take it because a) duty, b) literally no one else is available, and like this guy didn’t want to rule a realm or be a king or anything he just wanted to be a stark, and instead he’s going to have to after all that shit thanks to Magical And Noble Heritage he hadn’t even known he had and probably didn’t even want up to that point because since when jon wanted to be a targ? yeah since never

obviously I hope he manages to be somewhat happy regardless because the alternative is too miserable, but basically being a Chosen Hero™ is what makes jon’s life worse rather than better and the fact that hew went through all the regular self-discovery journey for the fantasy hero list doesn’t mean he’s not flipping that over in his sl. the fact that he stayed a decent person more or less throughout it and that he hasn’t turned into a bitter asshole also doesn’t change the main point XD

tldr: jon snow is not a typical fantasy hero because he deconstructs that trope into tiny little bits same as robb deconstructed the arthurian flawless king hero trope

now ^^^^^ THAT was what I originally wrote for that meta but adding on to what I said in those tags

okay so... there is a certain tendency to also make the chosen one™ special in the sense that he's kind of goals - good looking, rich or set to inherit, gallant, takes the initiative, he's like.. social or anyway immediately makes friends etc and all that jazz which jon... doesn't really fit

like jon is an introvert who immediately makes friends just with outcasts and his siblings also bc he feels like one but he's hardly a social butterfly and charms everyone wherever he walks by

I mean ffs says all that the only person he charmed in that sense is stannis who is the literal only person in charge in the books who is more introvert than him and has worse communication issues and appreciates ppl going straight to the point

on top of that in the book he looks like ned.... and arya looks like ned and ned isn't described as being particularly handsome that was brandon so he's not even like... I mean kit h. is v. pretty and I think he was a good choice for the role and I'll die on the hill that he was born to play that character and he did it well but book!jon doesn't have that kinda pretty face so the concept that he's the HOT alternative to anyone to me is kind of iffy bc he's not

he's shit at social interactions and at PR which is why robb and him would have been a key winning ticket like he has a better idea of the larger picture but robb would have actually made sure ppl didn't turn against them bc he actually was good at that but like he doesn't go around rallying armies in his name does he

the one time he's been with a girl it was ygritte and like he courted her without realizing it and then she had to pursue him and he barely knew wtf to do on top of the fact that they slept with ghost in the middle of them like a sword which..... is.... I mean sleeping with the sword in the middle was a thing to make sure the maiden stayed a maiden and he's the one who is like i CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER EVEN IF I WANT TO BECAUSE I'M TECHNICALLY SPYING ON THEM like... he's not... gallant-knight coded

never mind that the moment they do the do she basically does everything until he decides to try the oral which I mean... isn't exactly alphadominatingmale out of jon which is not a given with the trope he's supposed to represent like he's not smooth he's not suave he's like WHAT THE FUCK when ygritte tells him he has a pretty face bc most likely no one else told him that and he like... doesn't pursue people like that in general which is also not exactly 100% what that trope usually goes for

we can add that he has a lot of passive-aggressive little shit sarcasm in him that they didn't let him go for in the show but like... usually chosen heroes™ don't think what he thinks about selyse in general

we can also add that he's not automatically above being better than his position like... he doesn't take winterfell bc ygritte is dead but he did think he'd have taken the deal sansa or not if stannis had said he could marry her and not val and if she wasn't dead, he basically went off the rails at the dude he was fighting with thinking about robb telling him that he couldn't be lord of wf because he was a bastard and he's absolutely not in the frame of mind of 'well I was born a bastard who cares it doesn't define me'

he's obsessed to the point of unhealthy with actually being defined by it which is why he was better off with the wildlings aka the only idiots in the realm who don't gaf about that

and that's like... I mean usually if chosen ones™ have parental issues it's like 'you were an orphan and raised by asses who weren't your parents but your parents loved you and you'll find out at some point and you'll be happier for it and make your own family', jon is like... he has the mommy freudian issues of the century bc of how cat treated him, on the other side he's obsessed with living up to ned's/his father's name and he hates that it makes him not-belonging or that he feels like he doesn't even if he does with his siblings, and at the same time when the truth about it comes out he's going to get the cold shower of the century bc like - he's spent all that time thinking BUT DID MY MOTHER WANT ME WHO WAS MY MOTHER and he's going to find out of who it was and how he was born and honestly considering that lyanna most likely did regret running with rhaegar the moment he finds that out and that she died birthing him how is he going to feel? - also he spends his life wanting to live up to his 'father's' name aka ned aka someone known to be honorable to a fault and then it turns out his bio father is... the dude who started that entire rebellion not doing a very honorable thing? - also if jon*erys is a thing idt that he'd take 'I fell in love with my aunt' so nonchalantly as he did in the show tldr: he's never gonna get over his parental issues in a short time and when that particular brick hits him in the face it won't be pretty

like the entire point of jon is that he goes through all the chosenone™ cursus honorum as we'd call it in high school when studying latin but each step that means smth good for the usual chosenone™ to him is something bad, being one is not going to make his life better and throughout the entire thing he does not fit that stereotype when it comes to look, personality, basic traits and familial history and like hell he's going to have the happy ending tied up with the bow - like I think he gets a bittersweet one and eventually goes off with the wildlings bc he belongs there after being jon snow first of his name (bc like hell he's not reclaiming his bastard background at the end of this entire mess I'm eating my hat if he doesn't) after splitting the seven realms and fixing things but that's hardly the neat happy ending the chosenone™ usually gets so that's my two cents

... christ this was long *raises hands*

#jon snow #tagging for the lulz i guess #janie writes meta #ch: jon snow #long post for ts #tldr jon snow is a kurt cobain stan in disguise in westeros and chosenones™ aren't nirvana stan coded #and i'm dying on this hill xD

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windsweptlassie · 4 years

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On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

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sparklingpax · 4 years

Text

My favorite pages of a Transformers Prime Halloween fanfiction I wrote in 5th grade. In this story, the Autobots and Decepticons call a truce. Well, the kids call up Megatron and organize this and then Optimus catches them but then also agrees jdsjdjsdjdshsdh I know this makes Zero Sense but yknow what that’s,,,,how my brain worked back then. Made no sense. Still doesnt make sense actually--

ahhhh so.........enjoy ^^’’

Um and sorry for mistakes and potentially immature perceptions of the characters...remember I wrote this literally almost 5-6 years ago,,,, O//O’’

OH AND. LONG THREAD. (Mostly because of the photos. But forwarning I guess ^^’’)

(I’ll just do some explaining since I only picked parts of this story. Also sorry for the terrible picture quality :’D)

Edit: The grammatical errors. I’m in Pain.

In no particular order:

1.) This. Because?? Mood.

2.) Ratchet’s change of heart (sort of) aND THE FACT THAT I MADE HIS COSTUME AN ANGEL AJSJSJSDJ

(he made them some tasty energon goodies <33)

3.) fjdfjdfj idk why but I really like this part of the chapter in general,,,maybe it’s just me lmfao but uh....well.....good job, younger me lolol you’ve made older me genuinely laugh 😹😹😹😅😳

I do have one question for myself: wHY did I choose a MONKEY COSTUME?? FOR STARSCREAM???! *cries laughing* that is so random I can’t even rn--

4.) This one single part. It comes earlier in the story ofc, and again idk why but I just,,,this part is decent. And I kinda like it lmfao

After this, I remember reading something about Megatron visiting “blogs” and reading about Halloween and costumes and all that. Which I’m 99.9% certain was some sort of reference to Tumblr. So. Make of this what you will, I suppose owo

5.) The description of Op’s costume! He went as a cat and I distinctly remember making him dress up as a cat because cats have always been my favorite animal so my logic was: favorite character + favorite animal = pERFECT!! <D Anyway, uhhh.....sometime I wanna draw this :3 it’s a cute costume idea actually....so congrats again to younger me for doing something right...sorta..^^’’

(if you wanna know the end of that sentance, it just says smth like how neither of them had made a costume like this so even if it wasn’t all that perfect, it was a really good effort for a first try <3)

6.) Very much like the way I opened this chapter too,,,,lol why am I even trying to explain my thoughts my brain just,,,I Like This Bit Too,,,,I hope y’all like it as well,,,,idk--

7.) wHAT was this ending asdfjkldjsdkjsdj

all I can say is that the Starscream adding that he will crush them later is the Best Thing and I’m still laughing about it,,,kudos to younger me yet again ^^’’

8.) SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST! I really liked this part??? For many reasons. I remember it was my favorite part to write :3 Of course, my stupid immature humor had to ruin it with the “thug life” joke because that was another thing I found extrememly hilarious back then sooo.....oh and I apologize for the way Megatron abruptly destroys the mood....I was tryna be deep I think?? BUt...idk...that moment just throws the vibe off too abruptly....idk....y’all lmk what you think I guess...? But anyway, my favorite part of the whole thing >:33

LIKE I WANT OPTIMUS TO DO THIS SOMEDAY. IT’S CUTE. LIKE,,,,SUE ME BUT IT’S FUNNY,, 😹😹😹😹

(also what I meant by “a shade of crimson darker than Jack” is: a few pages back, a fake spider scared the living daylights out of jack and he landed flat on his back after screaming so loudly that literally everyone burst into laughter for a good few mintues. And Jack had blushed like super hard. That’s. Idk why I didn’t specify that in the writing sdsjsdj anwyay--)

///

And bonus: the cover page that um. Is atrocious. Please forgive me O//w//O’’

tHAT IS nOT what his costume was supposed to look like in my mind’s eye but I suppose on that day I gave up and did....that....so..............

///

Well! Ok! You made it to the end of this thread!!! <3 THank you so much for reading through it all!! You’re the best!! Like,,,seriously thank you so so much Q//w//Q And I’m so sorry for wasting your time

Please have a lovely day/evening!! Maybe sometime I’ll post pics from that Christmas fic ;3

See y’all around then! ^^’’

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splendidshinobi · 4 years

Text

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 26-30

been awhile since i’ve watched but.... another day, another emotional rollercoaster

episode 26: her reason

who’s her and what’s her reason

bother him ALLLLL you want maria ross...bother him all day long

he deserves it

INVOICE HAHAHAHAHA

dont yell at maria fuck off!!!!

GIRLY WHAT IS IZUMI DOING!!!!!!!!

i screamed i did

i love sig and izumi sm!!!!!!

omg ed and al’s faces

PANINYAAAAAAA

why does she have an automail arm whAT

i feel almost insulted for paninya’s dope weapon legs

oh wait ive seen this arm wrestling scene before lmao

go paninya goooo

i do not tolerate this mr dominic slander

OH NO DO NOT INSULT QUEEN WINRY’S WORK

sucks to suck!!!!

i do think winry may have just fallen in love

ed is such a simp though

JUMBO????? his name iS JUMBO??????

al’s mousy little what?

yikes yeah you know what winry id be pissed too

she felt so good about her work!!!

crush over

jk theyre soulmates

wow roy ur so smart

damn oh ok they kept paninya’s legs too

so she only has 1 biological limb wow

paninya is definitely a lesbian

we’ve all known that though i mean-----the camo pants

i saw paninya wearing army pants and flip flops, so i bought army pants and flip flops

oh my god winry you DEVIOUS BASTARD

i can see why people ship paninya and winry but im sorry im an edwin simp

young pinako is hot i get it dominic

OH MY GOD DEVIOUS

WINRY LMAO

GUN LEGS!

kill him?? pANINYA think about that before you shoot someone!!!

AWWWWWW ED!!!! “best automail in the world!!!!” IM CRYING

“hello sir” alphonse you sweet boy

sheska u good???

OPE HEY CURTISES

ed why are you sad

omg winry dont cry!!!!

hahahaha sig

THE BOYS’ FACES LMAO

episode 27: teacher

izumi time lets gooooooooooooo

the ominous music lolololol

THE WINDOW

WHERE IS ALPHONSE

RIGHT THERE

ED’S FUCKING FACE HAHAHAHA

grumman!!!!!

STEW TONIGHT FUCK YEAH

xerxes drop

edward you are being so foreboding

izumi queen of my life lets go girl!!!

umbrella king sig curtis!!!

ed you dumbass!!!!!

angry face boys

mom dad and the kids on the train!!!! makes me cry

awww win’s gonna miss the dudes

omg havoc plzzzz

why is he calling riza like she doesnt already know shes going too

do not leave my boy falman behind!!!

oh good ok

mason my dude!!!

“yes maam”

this is UNCOMFORTABLE

guys i simp for sig tbh

omg al scary boy

uh oh she SAWWWWWWW you!!!

aww i forgot about the dead cat goddamnit

not THE KITTY

ok but those baby kittens need some MELK

its all over for you two watch out

cant hide JACK SHIT from mama bear

yikes

she gonna kick your ass oof

hugs oh thats nice

episode 28: all is one, one is all

island timeeee

wait theyre on island time PART 2???? ok

the way sig’s HAND---- anyway

ok so creepy naked child??

im suspicious

clearly the boys didnt read my hero academia

or the three musketeers

al really got YEETED

yote?

oh the kid has clothes on. leaf clothes

i know dublith is in the “south” but is it really a tropical locale?

aww the bunny

“kill it”

owie hope you dont get rabies edward

the ost man so good for both series

al really said J’ACCUSE

they didnt know the masked man was mason the first time around? aight

im really having trouble typing and eating dumplings at the same time

might pause for a dumpling break

i made these in the microwave theyre pretty good

def not the best ive had but they were, ya know, microwaved

anyways sad al hours

YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR BROTHER????

it’s the circle of life simba

getting REAL philosophical rn

“dont call me small”

now we’re getting REAL scientific

im just imagining these idiots on shrooms rn

mannnnnnnnnnnn

WAIT IMAGINE LING YAO ON SHROOMS

wow what a yummy snake breakfast

izumi said 👁 👄 👁

izumi is so hot

that is the creepiest motherfucker i ever did see

ok im gonna go rinse this dish out be back in a min!!!

episode 29: the untainted child

i am the tainted adult

you SURE his parents are lookin?

i feel like izumi is being very loving towards this child

what happened to tough love bbygirl

im not saying shes not loving in her ways but shouldnt she by nature be a litttttleeee bit more sus of this kid???

dont tell me

this is sig and izumi’s “child”

theory pending

winry is such a protective lil egg

here’s whats cookin in my head

its sig and izumi’s child and ed’s arm and leg smooshed together into a homunculus...theory still pending but im definitely right

WHY DOES SIG SLEEP W HIS EYES OPEN SIR!!!!!!!

whole situation is a mess my dudes

what did u do kid?????

“i know ed lies sometimes”

l oh fucking l

who transmutes themselves with a bed though

not the move kid

OPE

of course winry slept through this whole thing

sheska and elicia and gracia. my heart.

did the colonel just LEAVE HER BEHIND? god what a dick

sheska WENT OFFFFFFFF!!!!!!

yes maam!!!!!!!

u tell that dumbass!!!!!!

why does envy have to sit like that

gon make me SIMP

embarrassing

*debby ryan hair tuck meme*

i love the way al sits

hes so dainty

what a gent

oh that lil kid was in the gate!!!!

how a homunculus is born? please tell me more

ARCHER....my sister was texting me about him when she asked how far i was. i googled him i saw his....bod....

yup

ARM AND LEG CONFIRMED

my brain waves are unparalleled

ED REALLY JUST YEETED WINRY AND KABEDONED THE HOMUNCULUS

EDWARD STOPPPPPPPPPPPPP OMG

off goes the kid

BIDOOOOOOOOOOO <3

why is she upset??? what did you realize izumi

that its your baby??? probs

im just that smart

episode 30: assault on south headquarters

YOKI LMAO

seeing yoki and scar makes me miss mei chang

MEI CHANG SUPREMACY

yoki really about to snitch

BIDOOOOOO

everyone showing up this episode

greed is gonna roll up with a venti frappuccino any minute now

archer is a creep

is this footage from the arnold classic?

“the muscles did the talking for them”

archer is a creep

who ru calling a freak HAHA AL’s angwy voice

ope

how IS hughes doing

pls not the pain

how did this kid come into the corporeal world

armstrong what

OUROBOROS

so he’s either wrath or pride ig

i dont think bradley is a homunculus in this one

yoki is basically michael yagoobian aka the bowler hat guy

there’s greed lmao

with the ladies

EW NO PLEASE GOD

I DONT WANT ANY MORE SHOU TUCKER

KIMBLEE WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK WHO CUT HIS HAIR LIKE THAT

WHO ALLOWED THAT I AM CHOKING

NOT THE MULLET PONYTAIL

izumi taking on the military

of course

kimblee JESUS

bradley is EVERYWHERE at ALL TIMES

this is rOUGH

there are so many parties vying for the kid

i still cant get over kimblee like WHAT

WHAT IS HIS PURPOSE HERE

AGAIN it just seems like bradley is everywhere at all times

#carol watches fma03 #fullmetal alchemist #carol's remaining brain cells #hi!!!!!#back w reactz #yay

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floral-cutie · 4 years

Note

I was 19 when my life finally started to open up to me, and now still at 24 I know what I want but don’t have access to it - but I love and live each day and take in every little thing, especially the good. I certainly didn’t expect to live this long, but we’re here and we have purpose and a fulfilling future waiting just for us ✨🍀 i’m proud of you for continuing the good fight, something and someone is out there that needs you

🥺🥺🥺

i just read this ask rn and i think u actually wrote it a long time ago but tbh, i needed to read it. these past few days have been hard for me, it's just.... the future is so scary yk, im 19 but idk what i should do and i've been losing hope in life but this. this ask. im thankful for opening and reading it 2AM in the morning when i was supposed to be asleep. you're right, op. someone or something out there needs me, and if i can't keep going on for myself, that's fine, i'll keep going on for whoever or whatever needs me,,,, and maybe, thru this journey, i'll end up choosing to keep going for myself.

thank you. i mean it. from the bottle of my heart. thank you, and i hope this reply finds you well. i wish you the very best and im sending you all the love at this exact moment 💛🌻

#ask #🥺💕💛 thank u op #u deserve the world #i hope u know that #thank u for giving me strength in thess very dark hours #fleurangelic

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teacupfulofstarshine · 6 years

Text

living in the real world (ain’t it fun) CHAPTER 2

*rolls up six months late with starbucks* PLEASE ENJOY THIS UPDATE I LOVE YOU ALL

WORD COUNT: ~3569

TW: anxiety attacks, arguing, brief mentions of physical injury

also available on ao3! the link will be the first thing in the notes since tumblr is glitching out rn

“So, let me get this straight.”

“Impossible. We’re not straight.”

Thomas blinks at Roman. “You – all of you are gay?”

“Thomas, we’re pieces of you. We have the exact same . . . romantic tendencies as you,” Logan explains. For how explosive he seems to be wherever Roman is concerned, Logan has been incredibly patient with Thomas. All three of them have, even though they’re clearly exactly as stressed-out and uncomfortable as he is.

“Okay, so, rephrase: let me get this gay then. You three –” Thomas makes a weird gesture that he hopes encapsulates the sentiment of “whatever-the-fuck-is-going-on-right-here”. Logan raises an eyebrow, Roman tilts his head in confusion, and Patton just smiles.

“You’re all different elements of my personality, given a form and an independent consciousness.”

“Indeed!” Roman exclaims.

“Okay, but . . . I have so many questions.”

“Which is to be expected. We promise to answer them to the best of our abilities, Thomas,” Logan reassures. Thomas looks at him again, eyes wide and earnest behind his glasses.

“Are there any more of you?”

Logan starts to respond, but Roman cuts him off with a flippant hand gesture. “Well, I certainly hope not!” Thomas feels an uneasy anger build in his chest, and it confuses him.

“What Roman means, kiddo, is that no, we’re not the only sides of your personality that exist in that head of yours!” Patton laughs. “But for the time being, we do appear to be the only ones who’ve manifested in the real world.”

“And that is a good thing, Thomas, believe me! We three are the core aspects of your personality – we are the most important ones. The others are . . . unsavory, to say the least.”

“What . . . what are you talking about?”

Roman lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “They’re the dark sides, Thomas!”

Logan rolls his eyes. “What Roman is trying to say, despite his penchant for unnecessary theatrics, is that the other aspects of your personality are often problematic. All of us act in the way that we think is best for you, but their methods are . . . unorthodox, to put it mildly, and often tend to disrupt your daily life.”

“They mess everything up! Especially Anxiety,” Roman says, and the sheer derisive disgust with which he says anxiety sends a terrified shiver down Thomas’s spine. “That asshole never lets me do anything! That’s the whole reason that our evening last night was cut short – because he–”

“Language, Roman,” Patton says. “And be a little nicer to him! He just wants to protect Thomas.”

“From what, living his life? Honestly, I’m glad he’s not here. I hate dealing with him.”

Thomas feels the weird ball of anger in his chest melt instantly. It’s replaced with a cold, quiet feeling that he can’t really identify, but it makes him feel uncomfortable and out of place in his own house. He doesn’t like that feeling, and rather than dwelling on it, he focuses on Logan.

“I’m sure that you have more questions,” Logan prompts gently. “I would be happy to answer them.”

Thomas’s next question is significantly lacking in any sort of tact, but he can’t help blurting it out. “How come they’re adults and you’re not?”

Logan’s face contorts into a pained grimace. Thomas half-expects the little throbbing angry-vein thing that shows up in B-roll anime to appear on his temple. “Contrary to my physical appearance,” he grinds out, gritting his teeth, “I am twenty-nine years of age, just like you.”

“But you look like I did when I was in high school.”

“I . . . am aware.”

“I’m so confused.”

“Well, maybe it has something to do with when you first started needing us,” Patton muses.

“I didn’t even know you existed until thirty minutes ago!”

“Not consciously, but we’ve been in your head the whole time! I’ve been around since the very beginning – even little babies have emotions, right?”

“Y-yeah, I – I guess that makes sense.”

“I first took hold when you were a preschooler,” Roman explains. It’s weird to Thomas to hear his voice coming from Roman – it’s weird from all of them, but Roman is doing some kind of accent thing that’s making it very difficult to focus on the words coming out of his mouth. “You were very imaginative as a child, Thomas! I had a lot of control back then!”

He glares at Logan. “Then the Microsoft Nerd here showed up, and I got kicked out of my spot!”

“Falsehood,” Logan counters. “Even before I had form, I was there within Thomas to an extent. It is not as though I just materialized one day.”

“Oh, but it is! I woke up one morning and there you were, standing there with your glasses and your necktie and your holier-than-thou-I’m-always-right attitude and –”

“That’s rich, coming from you, you self-besotted, stuck up, head-in-the-clouds –”

Thomas feels a familiar headache building behind his eyes, pressing at them like they’re going to pop out of his sockets and roll across the floor, hammering at his forehead and temples like the bone is going to shatter and let all of the turmoil inside him come spilling out into the real world.

As he watches Logan and Roman get increasingly agitated, he considers the possibility that it already has.

“Kiddos, it’s time to stop now,” Patton says, but neither one of them can hear him. the headache worsens. Thomas drops his head into his hands. There’s a strange feeling building up in his chest – not anger, but exasperation, covering something desperate and needy that’s begging everyone to stop stop stop stopstopstopstop –

“Stop it!” Thomas snaps, shoving the heels of his palms into his eyes so hard he sees phosphenes dance across the resounding darkness. “Stop fighting, stop yelling, just stop it!”

And they do.

Thomas lifts his head from his hands, startled by the sudden silence, to see Roman and Logan, staring at each other, still angry but silent. Both of their mouths are open, like they were in the middle of saying something, but neither one is making a single sound.

“I . . . did not expect that to work.”

Logan shuts his mouth (although it looks painful, like he has to force it) and turns away from Roman. “Apologies, Thomas,” he says quietly. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, but . . . geez, my head is killing me,” he groans. Patton worriedly presses a hand to Thomas’s forehead, like he’s checking for a fever or something. His hands are soft and surprisingly warm.

“A headache will not be identified or cured like that, Patton,” Logan says.

“Like we need that information right now,” Roman mutters. Logan glares at him. Roman moves his hand like he’s going to flip Logan off, catches the expression on Patton’s face, and reconsiders.

“Guys, I’m okay, really, I just . . . my head,” Thomas says. “It . . . it hurts. Do you two always fight like that?” “We get into the occasional argument,” Logan says with a noncommittal shrug.

“Occasional?” Roman laughs. “We have more arguments than there are days in a year, pocket protector!” Logan bristles at the nickname, snatching a decorative pillow off the bed and hurling it at Roman. The pillow falls onto the ground, neatly halved, as Roman brandishes a sword at Logan. It’s long and shiny and silver, and it looks kind of like a katana. Logan yelps and scrambles backwards.

Thomas feels an unfamiliar panic spike through his whole system. He wants to curl into a ball and hide, even though he doesn’t really think Roman will stab him. He doesn’t really think Roman will stab Logan, either, for that matter. Still, he feels as though he is going to die – even if Roman doesn’t stab him, the terror welling in his chest will crush his heart to dust.

“Roman, what the fuck?” “Language!” Patton snaps. “And Roman, kiddo, put the sword away!”

Roman wiggles the sword menacingly at Logan. “Roman, stop it!” Logan squeaks, voice cracking in the middle of his sentence. His face is pink, and Thomas winces a little, remembering the visceral embarrassment of his voice doing that in high school. Another spike of anxiety has him doubling over a little, curling slightly into the fetal position and clutching at his chest, right over his heart.

“Oh.”

“Kiddo, put the sword down!” Patton reiterates, standing between Logan and Roman with his arms spread out. “You can’t just stab Logan because he said something mean! And you can’t just say mean stuff, Logan!”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Logan protests, wincing as his voice breaks again. “The pillow couldn’t hurt him anyway!”

“Guys, please,” Thomas groans, and all three of them turn instantly. “Just – the sword, it – put it – I –”

He feels an inexplicable panic surging up in his chest, rapidly flooding all of his senses, constricting his breathing, causing little black spots to dance in his field of vision. Before he can properly focus on trying to stave off his impending panic attack, he feels it start to ebb all on its own.

It doesn’t get far.

Thomas can faintly feel his chest heaving in large, panicked breaths and faintly hear Patton trying to talk to him and faintly see Logan and Roman watching him with horror and concern smeared equally and identically across their faces, but he can’t focus on any external stimuli. The only thing that he can concentrate on is the strange tug-of-war of panic within his chest as he grows more anxious and then less anxious and then more anxious and then less anxious without any conscious input at all.

Gradually, the panic recedes far enough that he can feel warm hands on his face and hear Patton’s voice, which is shaky despite his calm tone. “Thomas, kiddo, you have to breathe. You’re okay, everything is okay – Roman put his sword away, see? Everything is okay. You just have to breathe, Thomas, can you do that for me? I know Logan was doing some counts for you earlier, do you need him to do those again? Can you hear me, Thomas?”

Thomas manages to lift his head and meet Patton’s eyes, which are exactly the same as his but somehow still wildly different. “There you are,” Patton says, and his tone would be patronizing coming from anyone else, but Thomas can’t process it as anything but comforting. “You’re gonna be just fine, Thomas, okay?”

He manages a stiff, shaky nod. “Good! That’s good. Do you want me to count the breathing exercise out for you again?” Thomas nods again. “Okay. I’m going to put my hand on your thigh, alright, Thomas? I’m going to put my hand on your thigh and I’m going to tap out the counts, and I want you to breathe with me. Here we go. Are you ready?”

It hurts, at first, following the breathing exercise. The panic has an icy vise grip around his heart, and his ribs ache every time his chest expands. He’s hyperventilating, he discovers, and apparently has been for a while now, because it’s difficult for him to get enough breath in his chest to make it past the first count of four. He notices Patton wincing when he tries to breathe, but he just keeps counting. “It’s okay, Thomas. Just keep trying, okay kiddo? In for four, here we go. One . . . two . . . three . . . it’s okay, we’ll try again, yeah?”

It takes ten minutes for Thomas to get enough breath to complete one cycle of the breathing exercise, but once he gets that first cycle complete it’s easy to keep going until he’s breathing normally again, uncurling his body and flexing his stiff muscles. “Sorry, he croaks, wincing at how shitty his voice sounds. “I’m – I don’t know what –”

“No harm done, kiddo!” Patton says brightly, if slightly strained. “As long as you’re okay now, right?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Thomas looks at Logan and Roman. Roman’s sword is nowhere to be seen, but he looks absolutely distraught. “Roman, I –”

“I am so sorry, Thomas!” Roman wails. “I – I truly did not intend to cause you distress, especially not such a severe level! My sword is intended only to protect you, never to harm you! I – I’m so – I’m sorry, Thomas, I didn’t – I never meant to – I – I’m so sorry!”

Thomas is shocked, and more than a little concerned. “Roman, it’s – it’s okay. I’m not sure why I panicked either, it’s not like I actually believed you were gonna skewer me or whatever. You’re okay, I’m not mad. It’s okay, Roman.”

Roman sniffles, scrubbing at his eyes and smearing tears all over his face. Thomas wonders briefly if he looks this ugly when he cries. “Are you – are you sure? That was an intense panic I drove you into, and if I had known that would be the result I never would have –”

“Roman, I believe you.” Thomas stands up, stretching his legs out before crossing the room and opening his arms. “What – what are you doing?”

“I’m hugging you. Come here, Roman.”

“Wh-why are you –”

“Roman, come here and let me hug you,” Thomas says. Roman shuffles into his arms stiffly, but the second Thomas’s arms settle around his waist and shoulder he relaxes, hugging him back tightly. Hugging Roman is drastically different from hugging Patton – Roman is broad and muscular, and he smells kind of like a weird amalgamation of every scent Thomas has every found to be particularly attractive. Even though Thomas is ostensibly comforting Roman, he can’t help but feel safe in his arms, as though nothing can touch him, as though he is protected from the world.

Roman’s arms are strong and warm, a heavy, comforting weight around him. “I’m sorry, Thomas,” Roman murmurs. “I would never harm you – and I would never harm Logan, either. Or Patton.”

“I believe you, Roman, don’t worry,” Thomas soothes.

Roman pulls away from the hug and turns back to Logan. “My . . . apologies, Logan. I suppose that what I did was . . . was not exactly the best course of action.”

“It is fine,” Logan says, only slightly stiffly. Roman opens his arms for a hug, but Logan takes a step backward and extends his hand. Roman stares at it for a moment before shaking it.

“Well, this has been a wonderful learning curve, but I need to eat food,” Thomas says. A thought occurs to him. “Do you guys . . . need to eat?”

“Need to eat? No, we don’t,” Logan says.

“But we like to!” Patton adds. “And I can cook pretty darn well!”

“I still do not know how that is possible, considering that Thomas’s cooking skills are . . .” Logan hesitates, like he doesn’t want to insult Thomas, before settling on, “mediocre at best.” He looks at Thomas quickly out of the corner of his eyes, like he’s worried that he’s insulted him.

Thomas shrugs. “I mean . . . fair, Logan.”

Patton nods excitedly. “I’ll make breakfast!” he says. “I can make scrambled eggs and pancakes and –” He keeps talking, listing off different breakfast foods, while Roman nods along in agreement and Logan quietly points out which options are infeasible. Thomas heads for the kitchen, figuring he should probably figure out what all he actually has in his fridge.

He makes it to the top of the stairs before realizing that he cannot go any further. He tries to take the first step down the staircase, but it’s as though he’s slammed into some kind of wall – he can’t actually move. “Um, guys?” Patton steps into the hallway. “Yeah, kiddo?” The second that Patton’s foot crosses the threshold into the hallway, the hard barrier dissolves, and Thomas falls forward down the stairs. He hits another barrier before he gets very far, but then Patton is running down the hallway and the wall dissolves again and Thomas goes flying down the stairs.

He collapses into a tangled heap of limbs and bruises at the foot of the stairs. The breath is knocked clean out of his body, and it takes several seconds of gasping like a fish yanked out of water before he gets his breath back.

“Thomas!” There are gentle hands on his shoulder now, helping to unfold him and lay him out flat on his back. “Thomas, what happened? Did you trip? Did you hit your head, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, Pat . . .” Thomas groans. He can still feel all his limbs, and he can feel his head – more accurately, he can feel the massive bruise forming on the back of it. “There . . . there was something that kept me from going down the stairs. I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t move past it.” “What? There wasn’t anything like that when I was on the stairs!”

Thomas can hear the pounding of footsteps on the stairs as Roman and Logan come running. “Patton, what happened to Thomas? Is he okay?”

“Of course he’s not okay, Roman, he fell down the stairs!”

Before either of them can come to blows again, Thomas sits up, holding his head. “I’m okay, guys. I need an ice pack, but I . . . I think I’m okay.”

“You should get tested for a concussion,” Logan says worriedly.

“Is it really that bad?” Roman demands.

“I don’t know! But if it is, Thomas needs to go to the hospital.” Logan crouches in front of Thomas, holding a finger up in front of his face. “Thomas, follow my finger with your eyes, okay?” He moves his index finger slowly back and forth, and Thomas dutifully flicks his gaze left and right after it.

“Good, Thomas, that’s good. Now, I am going to ask a series of questions to test your cognitive faculties. Answer them to the best of your ability. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“What is your first name?” “Thomas.” “What is your last name?”

“Sanders.”

“Where are you right now?”

“I’m in my house . . .” “What is my name?”

“Logan.”

Logan pulls Thomas’s phone out of his pocket and shines the flashlight in his eyes. Thomas winces at the bright light in his eyes, but Logan seems satisfied. “Your pupils are dilating properly,” he hums. “I do not believe that you are concussed.”

“Wouldn’t we feel if Thomas was concussed?” Patton asks. “We felt when he went down the stairs.” This is when Thomas notices that Patton is rubbing the back of his head, exactly where Thomas can feel the throbbing pain of a bruise, and Logan is holding his left wrist as though is aches just like Thomas’s does, and Roman is wincing as he stretches his legs out.

“You guys felt that?”

“We didn’t know what was happening,” Patton says, “but we all felt a lot of pain in our arms and legs and head, so I wasn’t surprised when I saw that you had fallen down the stairs. I was concerned, sure, but not surprised.”

Thomas reaches over and pinches Logan’s forearm. He doesn’t pinch hard enough to hurt, but he pinches hard enough for Logan to jump and let out a startled yelp. And just as he’d suspected, Patton and Roman both jump and yelp as well. Thomas himself shivers, feeling a pinch on his left forearm exactly where he’d pinched Logan.

“Thomas!” Logan shrieks, scrambling away from him. “What was the purpose of that?”

“I felt that,” Thomas says.

“What?”

“When I pinched you, I felt my own arm pinch. In the exact same place, Logan.”

Logan’s face shifts from betrayed and pained to curious and eager in a heartbeat. “Really? So you would feel if I did this?” Without hesitation, he whirls around and socks Roman in the arm, a little harder than is perhaps strictly necessary. Roman shrieks and shoves Logan in retaliation; he falls onto his back with a soft thump.

“Yep!” Thomas wheezes. “Felt both of those!”

“Fascinating,” Logan muses, not even bothering to sit up. “Whatever you feel, we feel, and whatever we feel, you feel?”

“Well, yeah, why wouldn’t that be the case? You’re all parts of me, aren’t you?”

Logan starts muttering to himself, waving his hands absently in the air. Thomas sucks in a shaky breath as glowing blue lines appear in the wake of Logan’s fingers, forming themselves into words and numbers and weird, complicated-looking diagrams. “Uh . . . Logan?”

Logan, apparently, does not hear him. “Logan?” he repeats. Logan looks up, blinking at him through one of the diagrams hovering in the air. “Yes, Thomas?” “What . . . what are those?”

“What? Oh, these? They happen all the time. They’re a literal representation of your thought process.”

“I thought you were the literal representation of my thought process?!” “No, I’m the literal representation of your ability to think. Confusing, I know, but different things nonetheless. They’re not strictly necessary, they just help me organize new information.”

Logan blushes. “Plus, I . . . think they look kind of cool.”

“Nerd,” Roman mutters, but there’s a teasing smile on his face. It doesn’t stop Logan from lightly punching him in the arm again, but the force of the blow is significantly lighter.

“So!” Patton grins, clapping his hands together. “Pancakes?”

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pgoeltz · 5 years

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@blueshieldca been begging for over a yr to get somtreatment for my back and health, its a nightmare, while CEO makes 42 million, i fight for hard worked benifits. told to go to er??? my pain doctor told me yesterday he will buy the book of my death by bs of ca, as they dont care >>>>>

all the notes they want me to go to a place that does not understand billing and i will be out of a 8 week program in 7 days

paul goeltz 0aaaaa663 is social, and out of state, so special CS, heck they try, but i think i spend to much money and cutting cost to pay the ceo seem to be of more importance then helping ppl16 JAN 2019, 07:57btw i’m half dead from lack of case management, ur doctors that deny my back the right ops, meds, now i guess my pain meds is a no no so retire have to pay 30 its all profit so that fat white man can make 35 million dont worry the world will see it all, you all should be ashamed at your corupt industry money over health16 JAN 2019, 10:55Thank you for supplying your info, Paul. One of our Specialists will reach out shortly to assist. – SR18 JAN 2019, 07:10and thank for calling, but we had to hang up as i was waiting forBS of ca to call, she said she would call back yesterday was here all day, will be back here today, after pt so after10.30am MTand no call so maybe u can let them know here latter today..18 JAN 2019, 10:03I apologize for missing our call yesterday. I’ll call you after 10:30 today. – KristaTHURS 22:10well here we are 6 months later almost dead still zero@BlueShieldCA thanks claiming to #care #fastservice #CustomerService &blah blah blah, i have been trying 2get treetment 4almost a yr, ur #contractor doing #casemanagement has no clue, ur #phone reps dont call back, i dont think BS cares if i live or die its all #money and #F me.ask Esperanza Ramos RN she can explain how sick ur case mangement is and how mr goelts is stuck in the middle of hell and getting nothingwell i can start going to the er every 2 days that will cost about 100k real quickas ur call center says all the help is at the er they will help[ you and call us to figure out what to do with you, thats from ur call centerFRI 08:09anotherday waiting while BS and records and doctors try to figure out why or how paul can use benifits in both medical and mental, oh no, if we?BS keep hold off and FOOLING HIM WE WILL NOT HAVE TO PSAY AND CEO MAKES MILLIONS AND GETS GRT MEDICAL CARE, WELL STILL WAITINGI SHOULD BE TAKING PICTURES OF ME WITHERING AWAY 40 LBS ALREADY….FRI 09:58We’re sorry for your frustration. A Specialist will reach out to you shortly. – JessicaHi Paul. I’ve reviewed your policy and see that you’re trying to receive inpatient detox care. I also see that your case manager Esperanza is currently out of the office, which is why she hasn’t reached out to you. In some of your case notes I see that you stated the appeal filed on your behalf is incorrect. Can you please clarify if this is true? The appeal was assigned to a coordinator this morning, so if I need to remove the appeal I can. Also, if you could clarify exactly what you are wanting, I can work with your case manager to get you the required treatment. Please let me know as soon as possible. – Cortneymore than that if you want to talk call plsi dont have a case managerthey were fired as no brains4066423052FRI 11:45fyi Esperanza is not my case managedr she is trying to help after seeing the messing your case management co got me in, i have no case manager, and i need one to work both side of this medical and mental, So shortly is that longer than 3 hrs? yes the appeal that was filed is all wrong, meanwhile that much closer to death, hope everyone is getting a good laughno you dont need to remove tghe appeal it should have been filed a month ago as i called to file and the lady did nothing not even contact esEsperanza , and the grievence filed is wrong, i dont have time for this i needed help almost a yr ago when does this stopper doc kemple i need a level 4 detox or better, and admit in to a pain program such as siera tuscon, hohn hopkins miami jewish health this all are for pain ppeole not drug addicts, while i explain this for the 300th time why dont you ask sherly jones who screwed it all up and that case management cohello anyone calling so i can blab for 302 times to see if i can get helpFRI 16:33Hi Paul. Your case has been escalated to upper management. You should be receiving an answer from them by Tuesday. We have our very best working on your case. – Cortneyon Wed, May 1, 2019 at 10:00 AM paul goeltz <[email protected]> wrote:Attn: Carmen G.”/ Cortney W.So the grievance is all wrong, those are not my words. the program if opened1 per doc kemple i need a medical detox 4 or higher and inpatient pain rehab or best might end up back on a pump, reeading mjh, not sure they do detox and what levels?there is many pain clinics that are hooked to hospital, for ppl like me with medical conditions.the couple i gave was my research.i also want to complain about the company you hired to do case management, they did nothing and left this in a mess.that said i need case management or help with this. are you saying in one week if the codes are not right i will be in the first week of a 5-8 week in patient stay, as the detox is part one learning to try to live with out pain meds are reducing them takes learning, so i might as well shoot myself now, it took a year of begging to get this and now it being forced down my throat, i have talked to no one about any of these places!! Sheryl and that company was to help me decide and make a wise choice but what happened? so ur saying the hell with Paul after one week, it gives the hospital no faith in blue shield and they probably will not give me the care i need seeing BS want to still play games.Another part is why no case manager/ i don’t know how when I’m out of it both detoxing and with out pain meds, you can get me out and who will fight for me, you tell ppl don’t should NOT! make decision when on opiates, well over 20 yrs so your asking me to make a life decision even though it bad a dangerous//?? why is this all messed up you ask us to make the bad decision even though you know your to help??if this is what there is, your blue shield doctors don’t talk, how do you sign them up, this is real said, messing with ppl life’s here, no case, you figure it out goeltz, i have been but now its all wrong, well the best is after a week when they boot me, i;ll go er to er. so what about the case manager telling me to go to drug and booze detox, for 2 months she had me calling those places and listing to there lies you’ll be fine with the serenity bed etc, and Sheryl just said yes to everything, like she had to help another person with one place, does it not take 3-5 place to make an informed decision?? i wanted kemples medical necessity letter and records sent to 5 to make the right choice for me and bs so you get value. you should be a part that what Sheryl was do do not just chicken out.miamijewishhealth.org/healthcare-services-programs/rosomoff-center/ maybe not best fit, but maybe lowball for you and no one has even compared them, does BS not want whats best??https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/pain/patient_information/inpatient.htmlhttps://www.sierratucson.com/programs/pain-management-recovery/https://lasvegasrecovery.com/pain/so it appears all the help for a week in a long program, is just insane? is the bottom line the only thing BS of ca cares about.DO I JUST NEED DETOX?It’s important to know that detox alone will not solve a drug use problem. Some individuals find that once they have successfully completed detox, they still need to enroll in a program to help them rebuild their life after prescription pain killers. Freedom Model Retreats offers a Cognitive Behavioral Learning program that uses self assessment and self change to teach guest to reevaluate their choices and decisions and to make choices that are more productive. Guests learn the importance of forming habits and behaviors that are positive and more purposeful and they realize that they have the power to take back control of their life and to have a life that is permanently free from substance use. see most detox is for abuser, they get to learn to cope and so do i it takes tiome 5-8 weeks to tryiong out different meds, drips, etc, we dont get this right i will be back, i will take this to the highest court. the boozes and dopers dont have any issues but paul goeltz who omnly takes what is giving noting lost stolen etc, i been told your not hooked so no detox and you can go to any detox and blue shiled will get with the place to decide?? ok what is the plan after detox? is there detox what level, can i pay for higher like 5/anyway please dont leave me after one week if you want me to go to miami jewish is a program, they are layughing at BS all ready, your showing your card, they know you dont want to pay. i can say if i dont get into a good programthis just seems like here toss paul a bone and we dont even know if this is right placepgso i spoke with a couple doctors< they all came to the same conclusion, BS could care less, and this will make a great best seller, why paul died while trying to get help/ kemple told me he spoke with higher ups there, and going into a program that is 5-8 weeks with just a week approved is a death sentence! people detoxing from drugs or booze don’t have to deal with this?It sounds like MJH does not understand the codes and billing, which would mean me suffering, and having to appeal a program?? Not even sure if MJH does detox, i was told they do from that case management company you hired and relieved?? Did we get all of there case notes??What happened to https://lasvegasrecovery.com/pain/ orsierratucson.com/programs/pain-management-recovery/https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/pain/patient_information/inpatient.htmlmiamijewishhealth.org/healthcare-services-programs/rosomoff-center/http://med.stanford.edu/pain.html how can BS pay for drinkers at these places but not a rehab pain patient??also why cant that company that you hired to do case management help? yes they got tossed off, but that is there job i have the sheet in front of me, it does no say i can have case manger if just using medical or mental, as i had them with just medical, so i demand there help. and a nurse that will help me make informed thoughts ideas etc, this also is in the job description. there number is 1 866 567 6195, i called them again week ago asking for help and was told they will be in touch this seems to be very common at BS, were laddies say oh we will call back or i will file a grievance and have not … i called 3 times about grievance and the last one went but not my words, 2 ladies did nothing, same with that company, they claim an inability to help.yes @blueshieldca is paying the ceo over 42 million, meanwhile my pain doctor is trying to get spinal rehab 5-8 weeks inpatient, yes it will cost, but no BS wants to pay there #nonprofits brass billions, and us the workers we get #Death sort of like living in #gaza @scvwdANONdaisypgöeltz added,Sauk River Review@OldSaukRiverReplying to @OldSaukRiver @pgoeltz and 10 othersHow can Uaccept it’s ok4 some 2die while others can live? This is the kind of choice Nazis offered -what our pol system in DC -overrun by insur & pharma interests turns them in2 w/this fully unacceptable form of bargaining.…WERLL HOPE YOU CAN SEE THE ISSUEShare this:

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