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wonniesmile · 4 years

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❥ i-land (theme song)

⤷ ellie and the 12 other applicants of i-land are introduced to their very first performance mission.

⤷ word count: 3.3k+

⤷ warning: this is all purely fictional, none of the arguments and conflicts within this series is a true reflection of the trainees. everything you read is made up from my pea-sized brain.

⤷ *italics = english / italics + bold = japanese*

ellie was somehow coping...she made new friends! there was this one trainee named sunghoon who she became close to after bonding over their love for skating and then there was nicholas, who she found really entertaining. she was relaxing on her bed talking to jake when the alarms started ringing, “in 10 minutes, we will reveal the first test.” she shoots up, “we just got here...” she sighs and rushes out the door, pulling jake along with her. the other i-landers were rushing to the main room.

jake and ellie reach the mission room, sitting in chairs right beside each other. as the i-landers fill up the space, the big monitor in front of them plays a video, “that’s sick.” ellie whispers. “from now on, you have a common destiny.” ellie raises her eyebrows in anticipation. “for the four tests to come, you’ll be collectively responsible for every result.” ellie runs a hand through her hair. “the average of individuals’ scores will be the team’s score, that result will determine the number of people to be eliminated from the i-land.” the screen shows a table and ellie's mouth gapes open in shock. so what she’s seeing is, if they get anything below a 96, it guarantees an elimination...the boys beside her all gasp. “it means, everybody should get a high score for many people to stay in the i-land.” she furrowed her eyebrows. “so we all have to do well.” a trainee by the name of geonu says, “if one person does bad, it impacts everyone else.” ellie adds, the trainees around her nod their heads in agreement. “...and for the elimination.” ellie’s breath hitched, “you’ll be decided by yourself.” she groans and buries her face in her hands. “now, for determining the destiny of the collective on i-land, the first test is going to be revealed.” ellie’s eyes go wide. part of herself feels excited at the thought of their very first performance, but the other part...mhm...not so much. the screen changes and on it read the words ‘signal song’. she cocks her head in confusion. immediately, a video starts playing and the first beats of the song are heard, “oh my, it’s a song just for us!” she yelps excitedly. one side of the screen read the lyrics and the other side played the choreography. “wah...” speechless, that’s how she felt. after witnessing the entirety of the first ever song, ellie claps her hands in amusement. “i love it!” she yells, throwing her hands up. the boys laugh at her reaction. seon takes the lead, yet again, after the trainees calm down. he explains which parts get the most lines and center time, as well as those that don’t get as much. “parts 8-13 only go once.” jay mentions. she bites her lip, feeling the sweat build up on the crook of her neck. she felt anxious. she could not get any part more than a 7, she just couldn’t. analyzing the lyrics more, ellie falls deep in thought. “hey.” jake snaps her out of her thoughts, “you ok?” she nods her head, “what do i do?” she gets anxious thinking about the choosing of parts, “you’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” jake turns his body to face her, “whatever part you get, i know you’ll shine.” he smiles and she instantly relaxes, “thanks jake.” she smiles at him, the apples of her cheeks on full blast. “from now, decide the signal song’s part.” ellie sighs, “you can change the part at any time.” she darts her eyes around the room, analyzing others’ reactions, “this test will begin in 7 days.” she gasps, “7 days?!” she turns to jake, “that’s barely enough time, my god.” the countdown appears on the egg and her heart drops to her feet. the trainees around her all exclaim, “they weren’t kidding huh.” jake says and ellie laughs, she’s losing her mind. “then what should we do first?” asks daniel. seon answers him right away, once again taking the lead. jay follows up soon after, “i think first, we need to sing...because the center has to hit all those high notes.” the conversation flows on and ellie blanks out, only nodding her head every now and then. heeseung decides to speak up after noticing the state of the conversation, suggesting the idea of learning the main choreography, first, then coming back together as a whole to decide the parts. everyone nods their heads in agreement. jake and ellie decide to head back to their room, where they are met with a few trainees, one being ni-ki. “what part are you going for ellie?” he asks in japanese, “i don’t know...anything below a 7 would be fine, i guess.” she responds back, “i’ll just go with the flow.” ni-ki nods his head, “i want part 1.” he says, switching back into korean. “don’t we all...” ellie sighs and flings her body onto the soft mattress of the bed. it’s been a few hours since the first test was announced and both ellie and ni-ki had already learned 80% of the choreography, focusing on the chorus. the trainees watch in awe. “ni-ki! ellie!” k yells in surprise. “they’re so good.” sunghoon mentions soon after. ellie smiles as the applicants clap them on. finishing up, she turns to face ni-ki and they give each other a high five, feeling exhilarated by the sudden compliments. “why are you guys so good?” sunghoon asks the two. ellie thanks him and with sass, flips her hair over her shoulder, ending it with a wink. the trainees pretend to fall over at her cute action and she laughs. the trainees were gathered in the dance room, once again, all deciding on parts for the signal song. the discussion was led by heeseung, who she has been wanting to get close to after seeing his performance during the entrance test. ellie drowns the voices out, deciding to tune back in after she calms herself down. “so, let’s take audition voluntarily and get judged by us.” was the first sentence you heard as you bring yourself back into reality, “so we are voting again?” heeseung (half-jokingly) says, “no, not the voting!” sunghoon pleads and the rest laugh. ellie smiles and looks down. “i think we should decide everything today.” heeseung says. “i agree, i think it’s better if we get all the parts down today so that we’ll have more time to prepare for the actual performance.” ellie speaks for the first time in, what felt like, an eternity. the trainees hum in approval. heeseung helps plan out the rest of the week, deciding on learning everything for the first two days and then perfecting it after the two days were up. “hands up if you want to do part 1.” the audition process starts for the parts. the trainees all look at each other in anticipation, feeling out the air. “should i count to five?” daniel asks after realizing no one had raised their hands up. the young boy starts his countdown and by the end, still no hands up. ellie’s heart rate quickens, she wants it...she wants it so bad. she bites her bottom lip. “then, does anybody want to recommend someone?” ellie looks around as the trainees agree with heeseung’s idea. both sunghoon and youngbin gain the applicants’ attention as they raise their hands up. sunghoon shyly points his hand towards heeseung, “i recommend heeseung!” he says, shooting finger guns at him. ellie wasn’t going to lie, in her heart she knew heeseung had what it takes to completely own the stage...but she wanted to prove herself. she snaps out of her thoughts with the sound of laughter. “he said it, and he can’t control how he feels.” she overhears. ellie looks around the circle, her eyes landing on the boy next to her, ni-ki. “hey, you ok?” she whispers, nudging him a bit. “if you want part 1, go for it.” she encourages him with a wink and he musters up a smile, “heeseung gets part 1!” ellie snaps her head to look back into the circle, “oh.” she sighs in defeat. ‘stupid. you should’ve raised your hand up.’ she mentally slaps herself on the head. the whole ‘choosing parts’ process took way longer than what ellie had hoped. she ended up landing a spot on part 2a, part 2b going to geonu. she was more than satisfied with her parts, but part of her still wanted that stupid part 1. “ta ta ta.” heeseung keeps the beat for the other trainees as they practice their dance, ellie follows along smoothly, having already memorized the whole dance a few minutes prior to when heeseung decided to take the lead. looking to her left, she notices a struggling jake and youngbin, her eyes immediately softening. she taps the two on the shoulders, “need help?” she asks and they both exhale, “yes please.” jake says. she pulls the two away from the bigger group to help them get a one on one practice, adhering to their pace. “perfect!” ellie smiles and claps at the two, finally finishing the dance, “youngbin, for this move,” quickly demonstrating, “try extending your arms out more to make it look cleaner...and after that, i think you’re all set!” she smiles, the apples of her cheeks becoming very prominent. youngbin bows towards her, “thank you ellie. this means so much.” he says with a dramatic tone. ellie giggles and pats his back, “of course, kind sir.” jake laughs first, ellie and youngbin follow immediately after. “should we do freestyle?” ni-ki suggests, “daniel can beatbox!” nicholas points at the young boy as he starts a beat. the i-landers were in the practice room taking a short break after practicing for hours on end. “shall we start? whichever bpm.” ni-ki says. ellie looks around with a glint in her eyes. “you should go up.” jake nudges her, “absolutely not, i’m scared.” she yell-whispers. jay is the first one up, “hey jay! hey jay!” the trainees start chanting. he rides the beat slowly and immediately starts showing off his dance steps, “oh!” ellie exclaims, waving her arms around. ni-ki is next, stepping out with a few flashy moves. the i-landers all exclaim, “wah ni-ki!” ellie yells, clapping her hands. he finishes off with a pose and everyone falls to the ground in excitement. “ellie...” jay suddenly starts, “ellie! ellie!” the chanting grows stronger while ellie gets flustered, “uh...i shouldn’t” she scratches the back of her neck, “ellie! ellie!” next to her, jake smiles, “c’mon!” ellie sighs and smirks, “alrighty then.” daniel changes the beat and her demeanor changes. stepping out, riding the beat, she starts off with a bit of popping. showing off every dance style she knows, the i-landers all yell to hype her up. feeding off of the energy in the practice room, she finishes off with a pose, “oh my god!” they all yell and come closer to her. nicholas lifts her up and they all start chanting her name, “what is happening?!” she laughs. the boy puts her down, “you’re amazing!” nicholas pats her head and she thanks him. “you never said you could freestyle?” ni-ki says with a smile, “well, the topic never got brought up...so...” she shrugs. the mood was tense as the trainees sat down, waiting to show off what they’ve learned in the little time that they were given. earlier that day, someone was arguing about the choreography, she wasn’t there to completely witness everything because she was getting water, but when she came back, everyone had a gloomy look on their face. jungwon was up first, performing perfectly even after the little time they had to practice. she’s always admired the boy, he was very talented and they were the same age, but she’s been too scared to strike up a conversation with him. he finishes off and the trainees clap, “you did well!” k compliments him. like always, ellie blanks out, getting anxious at the thought of performing in front of everyone, especially when they’re all examining the smallest details. it’s not like she doesn’t know she’ll do well, she knows she can pull it off, but she was still nervous. “ellie, you’re up!” heeseung says. the girl slowly arises from her seat, jake cheering her on. she looks around and makes eye contact with ni-ki, who mouths a, “fighting!” she smiles and mouths a thank you back. she gets to her starting position and the music starts. her body flows with the music effortlessly, completely ridding her mind off of all the thoughts that run recklessly in her brain. “that was amazing!” heeseung exclaims. she bows and calms her breathing. ni-ki whispers something to heeseung and ellie’s heart race quickens, “just say it out loud.” heeseung encourages ni-ki, “that was the best performance yet.” he quickly says, looking down. ellie smiles and bows again, “thank you!” the trainees cheer her on as she sits down next to jungwon, “you’re really good.” he compliments her. she blushes, “you too!” the silence between the grows larger, “um...2004 right?” he suddenly asks. ellie nods her head, “september 3.” she adds on. jungwon nods, “february 9.” he says, smiling to himself. “im older!” he was quick about it. ellie rolls her eyes and the two have a hearty laugh. ellie learned a lot about the boy during the few minutes they had together. he used to do taekwondo and he really loves his grandma. oh! he also has this weird obsession with curry? anyways, ellie examined the boy while he was talking. he had doe like eyes, sparkling every time he’d talk about a topic he loved. he had deep, prominent dimples that would show up every time he spoke. he also does this (really cute) thing where he furrows his eyebrows every time he- “jake! you’re up!” ellie shakes her head to get rid of the thoughts, “go jakey!” she yells for support. clapping her hands she turns back to jungwon, “he’ll do great, i know he will.” jungwon nods and smiles... during jake’s performance, ellie notices ni-ki whispering something to heeseung. her anxiety shoots up and she bites her lips, “you ok?” jungwon asks from besides her, voice laced with worry as he notices her legs bounce up and down, “oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” ellie reassures him, smiling slightly. jake has been doing amazing, maybe even better than some of the other trainees. he finishes off his dance and waits in anticipation for feedback. “ni-ki thinks that jake’s performance was one of the best by far.” jake smiles and bows, breathing out in relief. ellie’s eyes widen and she claps excitingly for her friend. standing up, she runs over to him, attacking him with a bear hug, “i knew you’d do great, mate!” she says. jake laughs and pulls her down to sit. there has been so much tension surrounding i-land during the past few days and ellie had no clue what was going on, resorting to keeping to herself and eating every once in a while. back in the dance practice room, seon whispers something to k and the next thing she knew, they were all gathered on the steps of the entrance. she looks down at her fingers, playing around with them. “i know that i’m not good and all,” youngbin musters up the courage to start, “i was ok with dancing in groups of two...” he stops to take a breath, “but heeseung made us dance one by one, i understand why you needed to see us one by one, i felt horrible and was really humiliated.” ellie’s breathing hitched, “if i’m being honest, i cried...i cried.” he sighs, finally expressing his feelings. an uneasy air filled the room, “we shouldn’t be worrying right now.” heeseung starts, ellie’s head turns towards him, “if we voted for someone to lead us, then we should trust and follow that person...we’re running out of time.” ellie felt for both sides. she knew how youngbin felt, the dreading feeling of having to perform in front of many people when he wasn’t ready to, but she also saw where heeseung was coming from. it was a bit unfair, you know? from ellie’s eyes, it seemed like they were blaming heeseung for everything...but she knew in her heart that he just wanted what was best for the team, it may have come off as a bit aggressive, but he was trying his best, giving up most of his own practice time to help the rest of the trainees. she witnessed him the other day, alone in the small corner room, looking distressed, but she decided to leave him be. “it’s fitting that heeseung is in the center, but you’re really good and you keep hanging out with those who are good, so the team’s balance is off...that’s what i personally.” daniel adds on. “i said this the first day, i predicted this...” heeseung nods his head and ellie’s eyebrows rise, “so on the first day, i said i didn’t want to be center. i knew it would result in this so that’s why i said that.” the boy starts biting his nails, a habit that ellie noticed he did every time he felt anxious, “it’s not about completing the choreography, but it has to look good...i wanted to lead you that way, but i didn’t tell you in advance, and planned on my own and got ahead of myself.” he admits, “i personally think that it’d be best if i’m not the center.” heeseung looks down at his lap, forfeiting his role as the center. everyone looks at him in shock, including ellie, “i really mean it.” after a long meeting, ni-ki gets part 1 as the new center, while heeseung takes part 10. heeseung smiles at the young boy and slowly excuses himself from the room. ellie notices from afar and excuses herself as well. carefully following the boy, her heart rate quickens. they both reach the corner room together, “hey ellie.” he says, turning around to smile at her, “wanna talk about it?” heeseung takes a seat, grabbing a cushion, “actually, could you just stay here with me?” ellie’s eyes widen and she quickly agrees, taking the empty seat next to him. “would you mind?” he says, gesturing to her shoulder, “oh, not at all!” he places his head on her shoulders and sighs. the silence was deafening. ellie wraps her arms around his head, ever so gently rubbing his beanie as a way to comfort the boy. that’s when the tears started. ellie’s eyes soften immediately and she looks up, trying not to let the tears spill, a tactic she learned from the last time, “it’s so hard, ellie.” heeseung says in between sobs, “i know, i know it is, but everything will work itself out, you did an amazing job.” hearing her words of encouragement made heeseung cry more, “shh, it’s alright, let it all out.” she rubs his shoulders. the two stayed in each other’s comforting presence for a good amount of time. the day had come, the countdown was getting closer and closer to 0, ellie was so anxious. “ellie! you look amazing!” jake compliments the girl, “same goes for you!” they laugh. “ellie and jake! let’s take a pic together!” heeseung calls the two over and ellie happily obliges. they all had their mics on and ellie felt absolutely nauseous, but she held it down for the sake of the performance. she goes to the corner of the room to warm up her voice some more, “i-landers, please report to the stage.” ellie’s face drops. she grabs jakes hands and he squeezes it, “you’ll do great, mate.” ellie smiles at him, “the same goes for you, mate.” alright ellie, you got this.

#enhypen 8th member #enhypen female member #enhypen #engene #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fics #enhypen addition #kpop oc #kpop addition #kpop additional member #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #enhypen fic #enhypen scenario #enhypen imagine

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essaysbyciara · 4 years

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Red and Green Sprinkles [Erik Stevens x Y/N]

Fluff; warnings: grief, death.

It’s still Jesus’s birthday in Hawaii so I guess I can still give out a fic on Christmas Day. I’m trying to find some spirit and reason for the season, y’all. I’m trying.

Sugar cookies with red and green sprinkles. That’s what Ms. Ellie would leave at your front door every Christmas Eve. Your next door neighbor knew your work schedule like clockwork. If you weren’t home by 11 -- if she didn’t hear your door slam from after a grueling day at work -- she’d send a text to make sure that you were okay. You knew better not to delay your response or you’d get a talking to like a grandma was good for. You didn’t know any of Ms. Ellie’s grandchildren but you felt like one. That’s why her loss hurt like hell.

You knew this year would be different, the first time in seven seasons where Ms. Ellie wouldn’t leave her signature confections inside of a dollar-store gift bag on your tattered welcome mat. You didn’t care to meet who moved into her apartment because you thought it was so cruel how soon she was replaced. Your nosy neighbor couldn’t wait to give you the tea of how Ms. Ellie died. Grace kept you from punching them dead in the face. ‘They don’t know…” is all you could whisper, pausing your tears for when you could be inside of your safe space to let them go unashamed.

Christmas Eve crept up on you. You fought to ignore the day until you overhear the Donaldson family obnoxiously singing “Deck The Halls” from behind their wreathed-dressed door. It makes you smile for a brief moment, creating a pillow of joy for when the real grief would come crashing into you. You sigh heavily as you turn the corner of the hallway, coaching yourself to not look down. But as your sorrow clouds your vision, you see an emerald green bag leaning gently against your door.

Christmas angels are real?

Dear (Y/N),

Merry Christmas. Mama Ellie didn’t want you to be without your favorite cookies.

Best Wishes

Stevens Clothiers

The note dropped you. No one knew of your cookie arrangement except you two. Despite her incessant check-ins, Ms. Ellie wouldn’t allow for you to know too much about her. You never gazed into the inside of her apartment or peeped pictures of her grandchildren, if they even existed. But apparently someone knew of you, where you lived and that every Christmas Eve around 10 PM, you’d walk up to your door to find a bag of sugar cookies. Cookies you devoured in one sitting.

Stevens Clothiers. 115 8th Street, NW.

“I don’t get why you’d call in a tailoring job on Christmas Eve!” But when it’s for Jay-Z, you have no choice but to comply. Erik would rather be home, curled up watching The Wiz, the movie his Grandma Ellie put him onto as a child. It was their Christmas Eve ritual; she’d bring over the sugar cookies with red and green sprinkles, Erik’s favorite, and he’d belt out “You Can’t Win” from his tiny lungs. This would be the first year that he wouldn’t fall asleep next to her on the couch as the credits rolled. Although he’s peeved to still be at work, it’s better than watching his favorite Christmastime movie without the one he loved.

His misty exterior is startled when the phone rings. His exasperated voice gives salutations through the receiver.

“Oh, hi! I’m sorry! I didn’t think I’d get a live person this late.” Your sweet tone with an accent he can’t quite decipher causes Erik’s body to straighten up. He reasons for you to be the wife of a client hoping to score a last minute gift at the very last minute.

“No, it’s okay. How can I help you?”

“I know this may sound weird but someone from this business left cookies for me at my front door and I just...I just wanted to thank whoever it was. I, uh, knew Ms. Ellie and I-”

“Oh, yeah. You’re welcome. It was me. I’m Erik, her grandson.”

“I never knew she had a grandson.” A grandson with a sexy-ass voice, a baritone carrying through your end of the line causing you to stifle your whimper as he spoke. It’s been a minute since you’ve heard a man’s voice, embarrassingly enough. This one was doing so much that you forgot how your last sentence would make Erik feel denied. You snap back to punctuate your thoughts.

“...not like she didn’t mention you. She did, she just was very private.”

Very private. She kept the cancer diagnosis to herself until she could know longer hide its effects. She made sure her assets passed down to her grandchildren including her famous sugar cookie recipe. Erik scored that one last Christmas, including a promise to make sure that he delivered some for her next door neighbor in ‘2B’. Your phone call proved he kept that.

“Who made these?” You try to hide the lip smacks of ecstasy as you devour the entire bag.

“I did, actually.”

“You what? Really? You nailed these!” You ate two cookies before you called. “Good job. I’m sure she’s proud.”

Erik tenses up with pride and sadness as you go on about his first batch of cookies. He also couldn’t help to be turned on by a voice praising him beyond what his heart could take. Erik’s been single for a time longer than he can remember. The tailoring shop takes up so much of his time -- like tonight -- that he can’t escape from under piles of fabric to have one date. Even though his client’s assistants and stylists use their errands to flirt with him for sport.

He doesn’t mind your ramble. It’s a nice break from altering the shoulders on Hov’s suit jacket.

“I’m glad you like them. I added something extra though, not sure if you can tell…”

“Oh, there’s brandy in here. I caught that early. Ms. Ellie would never do that.”

“You should see her on Thanksgiving. She could drink, trust me. She-” You can hear Erik trail off into a somber note. You didn’t mean to bring up any hurt. You just wanted to say thank you, not hurdle someone into a stage of grief.

“I should get going. Thank you again for thinking of me like she would. She was an amazing woman and such a great neighbor. Happy holidays to you and your family, Erik.”

“What family?”

You weren’t ready for that. “This is the first time we won’t be together for the holidays.”

“Erik, I’m sorry-”

“Nah, it’s cool. When the head is chopped off, the rest of the body falls, y’know?”

“I do. That’s why I haven’t been home for Christmas in years. I think Ms. Ellie could sense that loss through her door. I think that’s why she did this every year. So I wouldn’t feel like I was alone.”

Erik’s alone right now, sitting in a brightly lit tailor shop mere minutes before Christmas. He doesn’t want to be alone and he can sense through your voice that you feel the same way.

“What are you doing tonight? I mean, so you don’t feel so alone. I don’t know what to do.”

“Me? I put on The Wiz. I loved that movie as a kid.“ Somehow you build a courage mixed with care and maybe some carnality. You’ve been single for God’ knows how long too and you couldn’t help to imagine what Erik looked like, if that sexy-ass voice had a sexy-ass face attached to it and they both didn’t have a sexy-ass wife attached to it. A man in your apartment on Christmas Eve wold be such a gift.

“I know it’s late but you’re welcome to come join me if you don’t have somewhere to be.”

Your boldness did something to Erik too. His heart did a quick jingle jangle as he shuffled nervously at your request. This woman with the sweetest voice and a co sign from grandma and a love for The Wiz wants him to come over.

“You’re right, I don’t. Give me an hour to shut things down and I’ll be there. I do know where you live.” Erik never hemmed a suit so quickly in his life.

#erik killmonger x reader #erik stevens #red and green sprinkles #erik stevens x reader #y'all redeemed erik #so can I

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chocoholicannanymous · 4 years

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(Take) These Broken Wings (Glee) 8/?

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, and you couldn’t pay me enough to take responsibility for it.

Post BIOTA: For someone who’d claimed to be his friend Blaine’s behavior sure left a lot to wish for. Hurt and angry Kurt begins to question his situation – and what he can do to change it.

POV: Kurt Hummel. Pairings: kurtofsky, blainchel. Slightly shady relationship-consent. Not Blaine friendly (no suprise at all).

So, not only do you get another chapter already (I know, what happened?) but it’s a long one. You’re welcome. Here’s hoping I can keep this up!

Previous: Part 7, Part 6, Part 5, Part 4, Part 3, Part 2b, Part 2a, Part 1

8/?

“Mr Schue? Before we get started I have an announcement I'd like to share.”

While most of the New Directions grumbled Rachel ignored them and stood up. Kurt on his part was looking sharply at her, because something was off. Not only had Rachel not mentioned having a song, she hadn't left the seats to stand by the piano.

Yeah, something was up.

“Blaine and I have broken up. I listened to what you were saying, and I have been thinking hard about it, and the truth is that being in rival show choirs was just too big of a stressor on our relationship as was the fact that us being a couple made it so that you all couldn't trust me. It was a hard decision, but I couldn't do anything else. We're going to try and be friends still, of course, but that's all.

“Thank you for listening to me, and for showing me understanding in these trying times.”

With that she sat down, looking demure, and Kurt shook his head a little – a move he got away with only by sitting in the back row.

The only surprising thing here – besides Rachel not taking the opportunity to perform – was how long the breakup had taken. There had even been a betting pool, and “blainchel” (which really, it sounded like a venereal disease) had surpassed every single bet.

Even Santana, who Kurt felt should have been the most supportive in regards to bisexuality, had put them down at two weeks at the most.

He hadn't participated himself, for a number of reason, and in the end was probably the least surprised one.

Yes, Blaine and Rachel had been a very bad fit, but they'd also had a lot of reasons to stay together. Rachel hadn't exactly been subtle in her attempts to rub her new boyfriend in Finn's face, and Blaine... Well, Blaine had had something to prove hadn't he? After all Kurt, had basically called his attempt at dating Rachel a sham and Blaine had not liked that.

There was also Blaine's hints to Burt Hummel that his own dad had tried to make him straight.

Blaine definitely had something to gain from a continued relationship with a girl.

Oh, Rachel probably hadn't been the best choice for that, seeing as the two were not all that compatible. They were just too similar, equally eager for the spotlight, equally needy for attention.

Even if Blaine had decided he was attracted to girls- and Kurt still wasn't sure that was the case – Rachel would always be too occupied with her own need to be admired to give Blaine what he needed.

Case in point? It had taken one week for Rachel to announce a breakup after having being told off for Blaine being a risk for the New Directions. One. Week. She'd spent their entire relationship telling everyone who would stand still – and quite possibly a few that wouldn't – that her relationship with Blaine was all but written in the stars, as would their names be in the future. Together, of course, as they were just such a suited couple, both with the same dreams and ambitions and goals.

And yet as soon as Rachel thought said relationship was risking her solos Blaine was gone. In a fit of cruelty Kurt thought that they both had been looking more for a “biggest fan” than a partner.

Regardless, they were over now and Kurt hoped that it meant he wouldn't have to be subjected to Blaine again.

He cleared his mind of them both – such a waste of valuable seconds – and instead switched from pretending to listen to Mr Schue to actually doing so as the man described the latest development in their quest to not fuck up at Nationals. Oh, he didn't it call it that, but Kurt was fairly adept at translating Mr Scue-isms to reality by now.

Things are about to become interesting...

Kurt perked up and watched Rachel like a hawk. It would be very telling how she reacted to what Mr Schue was about to say – or at least, what Kurt believed the man was about to say based.

“So! To that end I've recruited some more members. Now, they won't be here until next week since I wanted to give you guys a heads up first, and I hope you'll welcome them.”

Eight Cheerios, two of them guys. Five Titans. Exactly the kind of people who never would have signed up on their own, and who most of the Glee kids would never want to sign up.

Everyone turned to stare at Rachel and when she stayed quiet – though, Kurt thought, not without a fight – they looked at him instead.

“What? Are you waiting for me to protest or what, faint in fear or something? We need the numbers, and it's not like we've done that great a job at recruiting on our own. I've worked with the Cheerios and while I can't speak for their singing each and everyone of them mean we can kick our choreography up another notch.

“As for the guys from the Titans... Well. I am going to trust that they're smart enough to not just follow directions – which they clearly managed during the halftime show – but also leave any ideas of bullying outside this room. After all, McKinley's supposed to be free from that now.”

“But, but, Karofsky's one of them!”

Which Kurt already knew. Dave had told him both about being approached and about considering it – It'll look good on college applications. Make me “well rounded” or some shit like that – and Kurt hadn't seen a problem with it. The opposite in fact. After all, Glee had helped turn Finn and Puck around (in varying degrees) and Kurt liked to think that it'd help do the same for more jocks.

“So? I'm sorry, Mercedes, but I am not seeing a problem here. Dave Karofsky has apologized to me. He has made promises to not just me, but to this school, and so far he's kept them. He has been part of my escort around school ever since I came back, and not once has he given me reason to fear him.

“If any of you want to have an issue with him, or any one of the others, joining us that's your right. Just don't expect to use me as a weapon in that fight. Because to be frank? Right now Dave Karofsky has done more to balance his scales than at least half the people in this room.”

And that shut them all down, just as Kurt had know it would.

Curiously, Rachel didn't say a word the entire time.

Another week and a half went by before the other shoe dropped.

It did so in the form of a phone call.

It wasn't a number from his contact list, but Kurt had thought it familiar so he answered anyway. He regretted it immediately.

“Kurt, hello.”

“Blaine.” Why? What did I do to deserve this?

“I was hoping we'd be able to meet up tomorrow, say at the coffee shop two blocks from Dalton? Would 2 o'clock suit you?”

Kurt had to struggle to make his voice work. Not only was Blaine calling him, but he wanted to meet? Was he asleep? Was this a nightmare brought on as punishment for having had a second slice of cheesecake after dinner? He pinched himself, and no, that hurt.

No such luck then.

“I'm sorry, but I have other plans tomorrow. Besides, I can't see what we would have to say to each other.” I definitely said everything I was willing to last time I saw you.

“Come on, Kurt. Don't be like that. Just come tomorrow.”

“Did you not hear me? I have other plans. I'd say sorry, but I'm actually not. Goodbye Blaine.”

When the doorbell rang shortly after 10 the next morning Kurt considered not opening. Somehow he wouldn't be surprised to find out that Blaine had called Rachel to complain about Kurt being mean, or unreasonable, and that she'd come to lecture him about kicking someone who was already down. The problem was that if it was Rachel then not opening would lead to either her ringing the bell again and again until Finn woke up and came to open or her being a bitch in school.

Neither was appealing, so he sighed and went to open.

Pro: It wasn't Rachel. Con: It was Blaine.

“Good morning Kurt.”

“What are you doing here? I told you I have plans.”

“Well, I knew you weren't being honest about that. Mercedes is at Rachel's, having some girl-time.”

Kurt waited for something more, anything, but nothing came.

“So what, you think I have no one to spend time except those two? Nice. I'm sure you'll be happy to find out that's not true. Also, there is such a thing that having plans on your own.”

“But if you're just doing something on your own then surely that can wait, and you can spend some time with me instead.”

“I suppose it could,” and Blaine's smile practically radiated superiority, “if I was doing something on my own, and if I wanted to spend time with you.”

The smile vanished.

“Kurt.”

It was just his name, but Kurt could hear so many things in it. “I'm disappointed in you.” “You're being ridiculous.” Too bad for Blaine that Kurt's done listening to those silent rebukes.

“I don't understand why you're pushing this. The last time I saw you at Dalton we hadn't spoken in weeks. Because you didn't want to.”

“You hurt me!”

“And I have apologized for that. Publicly even. After, I might add, trying to do so repeatedly. I didn't mean to hurt you, or make you feel like I was some kind of phobic, hateful person.

“You on the other hand meant for the other Warblers to shut me out, didn't you? So I guess we're even. I hurt you, you hurt me.”

“See? That means we can start over!”

“No, it doesn't. That's not something I want in my life, Blaine, that balance of payback. That's not healthy, and it doesn't end. After all, what happened was I said something stupid, which I said because I was hurt and angry, and that then made you hurt and angry, which made you act in a way that made me – again – hurt and angry.

“It's a vicious circle, and not one I want or need in my life.”

“Are you saying we can't be friends again? That we couldn't be...more?”

And wow, that came out of left field. It did explain a few things though, like why Blaine had gone so far as to go to Kurt's home though.

Huh.

Blaine was asking him out? Not that long ago that would have made Kurt deliriously happy, and he would have said yes before Blaine even finished the sentence. Now however, now was...different.

When Blaine had fallen head over heels for Jeremiah he’d serenaded the older boy and talked about marriage – all based on a few coffee dates, that Jeremiah hadn’t even seemed to think of as dates.

When Blaine had dated Rachel he’d done so based on drunken kisses and duets. He’d showed up at McKinley at least twice a week, to take her out for lunch or coffee, and always took her to the movies and Breadstix during the weekends. He’d sung to her as well, both in the choir room and backed up by the Warblers out in the quad.

And Kurt? Kurt got an offer for coffee in Westerville after weeks of silence, which wasn't even presented as a possible date. Only a question if they couldn't be something more than friends – and that much only after Kurt pushed. And there hadn't been even a hint of an apology for Blaine's behavior.

“Really? That's where you're going now? You and Rachel broke up, what? A week and a half, two weeks ago? And now you want to date me?”

“Why? Why now, when you weren't the least bit interested before?”

Blaine opened his mouth, probably to protest, which, no. Not acceptable.

“Don't. Back at Dalton everyone knew I liked you. Hell, you knew I liked you – I told you. But you weren’t interested in me. And that’s okay, really. Not liking someone is your prerogative. Just as everything else you’ve done. Sure, you could have changed your mind, that happens, but why now? You didn’t see me as a potential boyfriend until I left Dalton and moved on.

“So I really have to ask why? Especially since you haven't apologized for a single thing you said and did before I left. In fact, you came here still pushing that I hurt you.

“To be brutally honest, it feels as if you’re trying to guilt me into dating you. I said some things that were hurtful and rude, but I did apologize. You don’t get to hold that over my head for the rest of my life, okay? That’s just not how things work.”

Kurt took a deep breath, trying to reign in his emotions.

“We both messed up. Sure, it’s not a competition, but that’s just the way it is.”

Wait...

The coffee shop Blaine had suggested was one Kurt had been curious to try, and he had hinted at going there several times. Blaine had never wanted to go there though, but now he'd suggested it. Maybe he'd done so to please Kurt, and a couple of months ago that would have made Kurt ecstatic. Now it just made him angry. Also very suspicious. Me thinks there's something rotten in the state of Lima...

“Wait. If you were angling for a date, why make me drive all the way to Westerville? We both live here, and I know you don't usually stay at Dalton during the weekends. So why not ask me to meet up at the Lima Bean? The cinema here is a lot better than you'd think, so why not suggest a movie? Or you could have really signaled that you intended it to be a date and made reservations for dinner at Breadstix. I know you are capable of that.

“You had so many options, and instead you want to go to a coffee shop you dissed repeatedly while we were still on speaking terms and insisted we go to the Lima Bean instead. Why?”

Quiet.

“Tell me, or leave.”

Blaine pouted a little at being questioned, but broke down quickly.

“It wouldn't be fair to Rachel to go on dates here. I just can't do that to her. You know what people are like, what they say to her. What do you think they'd say if her boyfriend went from dating her to seeing another guy?”

Kurt hated to admit it, but Blaine did have a point. He could imagine exactly what people would say much to well. Understanding that didn't mean accepting being given only crumbles though.

“So you're saying...what? That protecting Rachel from possible fallout is more important than making me feel valued? At what point would your breakup be far enough in the past for a date that doesn't mean leaving town? At what point would you stop treating me like your dirty secret?”

Kurt looked at the boy he'd thought was Prince Charming and felt empty. Even as he was asking Kurt out Blaine was putting Rachel's comfort and reputation over his. And apparently that meant he wasn’t going to openly date another boy in Lima. Or was that “openly date Kurt in Lima”? Whichever it was, it still hurt.

“You matter” his dad voice whispered in his head, yet Kurt couldn’t help but feel that he didn’t. Not to Blaine. Because if he did, then surely Blaine wouldn’t act ashamed of him?

All this, after having been strung along and rejected for over six months before finally saying enough.

The sad part, the horrible part? Blaine seemed certain it’d work. Not that Kurt didn’t see why – he had, after all, been absolutely pathetic when it came to begging for Blaine’s attention.

Kurt wasn’t sure what was most pathetic now though: the fact that a part of him still wanted to say yes, just to have a boyfriend, or that the only thing holding him back was the boy who’d bullied him, and who’d sent him running towards Blaine in the first place.

He could see himself accepting Blaine’s proposition, could see himself going out with the other boy, pitifully thankful for someone actually asking him out, and just ignoring all the reasons why he shouldn’t. Sure, he was sort of doing the same when it came to Dave, but there was a difference: Dave wasn’t angling to be his boyfriend. Also, with Dave he had an easy way out. There wouldn’t be one with Blaine – not for him.

He looked at Blaine and shook his head. This was pointless.

“Don't bother answering. I am not going to go out with you regardless. Thanks but no thanks, I guess.”

Blaine's blush increased and he started spluttering out a protest of some kind (at least that's what Kurt interpreted it as.)

“Look. I'd like you to leave now. I have, as I've said repeatedly, plans. I don't want to be late because of you.”

“Late? Are you actually meeting someone? Who?”

“Nice to know you think so low about my ability to find people to socialize with. Not that it's really any of your business, but after everything that had been happening I decided I wanted to try and meet more LGBT youth. I had no idea there were so many people I could connect with around here.”

It had been heady, finding all of these teenagers that could relate to what he had gone through growing up, and who were willing to accept him as he was. Not all of them were out, but that meant less to him these days. Besides, when the lion's part of communication and socializing happened online “out” became a completely different thing.

Of course, he wasn't actually meeting any of them now, but Blaine didn't need – or deserve – to know that he was meeting Dave.

“Really? That's great! I could go with you, it'd be great.”

Sigh. There apparently was no way getting through to Blaine that didn't include a verbal version of a 2 by 4.

“No. I have plans. You are not invited. And quite frankly, I can't imagine anyone of my new acquaintances appreciating someone else tagging along without warning. You see, I learned something really important from you. It was something I already knew, but didn't really get. So, I guess thank you for driving the lesson home.”

“And what lesson was that?” Blaine looked a little cautious, which indicated that yes, he actually had a functioning brain.

“You don't out people. Goodbye Blaine.”

And he closed the door, without slamming it – he was tempted, yes, but the way his luck was running he'd crack it or something.

Kurt waited 15 minutes before leaving, just in case Blaine was standing outside waiting to ambush him. Still, as he pulled out of the driveway he kept an eye out for Blaine's car. And there it was.

It was just so Blaine. He had been told, explicitly, that he wasn't welcome to join Kurt and whoever he was meeting – a person Kurt had hinted pretty heavily wasn't out. And Blaine had just decided none of that mattered because he wanted differently. Selfish bastard. He was going to deserve everything Kurt was planning on raining down on him.

Going to the garage was a detour, and not one Kurt really wanted to spend time on, but it was his best bet when it came to getting away.

It being a Saturday meant that Hummel Tires & Lube was running on a minimal staff, for planned jobs and emergencies only. That meant there was plenty of space for Kurt to pull into the fenced yard and park behind the garage. Next he walked through the building, waving at his dad, and peeked through the window. Yup, there he is. Blaine had parked so that he'd be able to see if Kurt left – or so he thought.

“What are you doing here, buddy? I thought you were meeting up with some of your internet friends?”

“Yeah, I am. Only it seems I picked up a stalker.”

Burt looked at him, sharp and worried.

“Mhm. Blaine – from Dalton, remember? – showed up at the house, and for some reason he thought I should agree to go out with him.”

“I thought you said he wasn't interested like that.”

“Yeah, that's what I thought too. After all, not only did I not even try to be subtle, but in the end I straight out told him. His response to that was – more or less – to start dating Rachel. I haven't really spoken to him since he called me a bully for not being supportive enough of that.

“He froze me out completely after that, even though I tried to apologize so many times, and that didn't change after I left.

“Only now he and Rachel broke up, and apparently Blaine thinks I'm still waiting around for him to notice me. I don't know why, because I'm not that much of a doormat, but he sure seems to think so.”

Burt gave him another sharp look.

“You sure about that? Because to me it looks like you were willing to put up with a lot – not just from him either – to get a boyfriend.”

Kurt blushed. He was well aware of his mistakes. Falling at Blaine's feet again was not going to be one of them though.

“Damned sure, dad. If Blaine hadn't insisted on dating Rachel first, then I probably would have agreed. But now? After being passed over not once, but twice? No thank you. Yes, I want a boyfriend. But I deserve someone who will look at me first, not as a backup once all other options have been explored.”

Because that was how Blaine made him feel. Like he was the living version of “two last people on earth”, and damnit if he didn't matter more than that.

“Okay. That's fair. I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself. Now, what about stalking?”

“Well, when I told him that not only did I not want to go out with him but I also had plans – which I had told him when he called yesterday – he tried to invite himself along. Then he followed me here. After I told him he wasn't invited to come along, and that I had no intention of outing the person I was meeting.”

Kurt watched his dad's face turn red, and felt a bit guilty. His dad's heart attack wasn't too far back, after all. But. Needs must.

“Want me to talk to him?”

“Would you? I would be so grateful. And if you'd let me go out through the back I'd be even more so.”

Because that was why he had gone there, in the hopes of using the locked back gate few people thought about. Blaine would most likely never guess to its existence, and even if he did Kurt would be able to leave while Burt Hummel gave “the prep school stalker” a piece of his mind.

As Kurt drove off he kept thinking about Blaine's actions over the past 24 hours. It made no sense. Blaine really had treated him like the last resort. The faithful dog that would come crawling back for petting even after being kicked. And that really wasn't Kurt. Except...

He'd thought Blaine and Rachel a bad match because they both wanted to be the center of attention, something neither of them would get from the other. Kurt however had always been so happy to admire Blaine that he'd constituted a fanclub all on his own. And that, right there, held what Kurt saw as the possible explanation as to why Blaine was now looking to date him instead of one of Dalton's mythological gay or bi boys.

Kurt would have – before the shunning – been happy to make Blaine the most important thing in his life. And as he'd been shown over and over again, most people would never have looked at Kurt when Blaine was there.

Thirty minutes later, stretched out on a picknick blanket with a deliciously heavy body pressed against him Kurt smiled into kisses because Dave? Dave would never look at Blaine if Kurt was around.

Monday mornings were always a downer – coming from freedom and peace to McKinley was never fun, not even with the lessened bullying. This Monday however was in the running for most annoying of the year. In one word: Rachel.

She was laying in wait for him at his locker and started her attack as soon as he was within hearing.

“Kurt? Blaine told me he asked you out, and you turned him down? Why would you do something like that? Surely he must have misunderstood you?”

Blaine again. Kurt was beginning to wish for a time machine so he could go back and tell himself to stay as far away from Blaine as possible at all times.

“I was asking myself that same question for a bit, but if he's saying I turned him down then apparently he did get the message.”

She frowned, obviously not pleased.

“Look, Kurt, I know you have all these ideas about love at first sight and all that, but honestly? You have to be realistic. So it took Blaine some time to get to the point of asking you out – but do you really think it’s fair to punish him for that? You should give him a chance. After all, this is Lima – who else is going to–”

“What? ‘Who else is going to go out with me’, was that what you were going to say?”

And why wouldn’t she? This was Rachel Berry. Tact wasn’t one of her strengths – maybe not one of her character traits at all – and neither was empathy. This is Lima, remember? Remember what Dave said about you being his only option?

“Honestly? I know that this is Lima, and I know what that means. Hell, I was sure I’d have to wait until college to get a boyfriend, and you know what? I’m okay with that. I have more respect for myself than to go out with someone just because they ask” or at least I want to have “and I definitely have too much self-respect to go out with a guy that acts like I’m something to be hidden away and he’s only asking me because he’s out of options. You might not care about me and my happiness, Rachel, but I do.

“Yes, I turned Blaine down. Yes, I meant it. And no, I’m not regretting it.

“And frankly? It's more than a little pathetic for Blaine to have his ex try and sell him to someone new – even disregarding everything. It's also not at all attractive.”

The problem with Rachel Berry – be honest, Kurt, one of many problems – was that she was a lot more dangerous than she looked, and she didn't care about casualties as long as she got what she wanted. Well, he was not going to let one of those casualties be Finn.

“No, Quinn isn't cheating on you. I don't care what Rachel says, because unlike her I actually know what's happening. Yes, Quinn is doing something that she's not telling you about. No, that something isn't making out with her ex-boyfriend.”

“Then why isn't she being honest with me about what she's up to?”

“Because it's not her secret to tell. It's not mine either, so don't look at me like that. We all know you have a problem with keeping secrets. Not because you're a gossip, or untrustworthy, but because sometimes you forget who is and who isn't in on something. So, do you think you can trust me when I say that I know what's going on, Rachel's completely wrong, and you have nothing to worry about? Because I promise you, if Quinn was cheating on you I would tell you.

“Rachel's just stirring up shit, hoping that you'll dump Quinn and come back to her now that she and Blaine's over.”

“You promise?”

And Kurt's heart hurt as he looked at the boy that'd become his brother. Finn had believed Rachel's trash-talk because he was so used to being cheated on – and cheating himself – that he didn't know how to expect anything else.

“I promise. Now, want to help me finish up dinner?”

Crisis adverted. Hopefully.

Of course it wasn't that easy. Finn refusing to go along hadn't stopped Rachel – if anything it'd made her even more determined to dig up some kind of dirt. And in her wake had come Jacob ben Israel and his damned camera and pictures in the fucking Muckraker. He liked Sue Sylvester more than most students, and felt he owed her to a degree, but this was crossing a line he wasn't going to forgive in the first place.

Not from anyone involved.

And of course it all came to blows in Glee. Even worse? The newly recruited members were there to witness.

He'd been happy to see their numbers increase, but now he found himself wishing that Mr Schue had been as ineffectual as usual so that there hadn't been quite as large an audience to Sam's humiliation.

“No. Sam, you don't owe them an explanation. You don't owe anyone anything. Rachel's inability to keep her nose out of other people's business did this, not you or I. McKinely isn't safe for LGBT students and she knows it. She also knows that it doesn't matter if someone's actually LGBT or not, just what people believe. What Jacob ben Israel posted could have landed you in the hospital or worse, and Rachel was the one who led him there.

“Won't your dads be proud of you, Rachel, knowing what you've done?”

“I haven't done anything wrong! Quinn was the one sneaking around on Finn–”

“Shut up, Rachel. She wasn't doing anything wrong – she was being a good person. Remember what that is?”

Rachel wasn't the only one whose mouth fell open as Finn spoke. Quinn looked happy as she sent him a soft smile, and Kurt, Kurt was so damned proud of his brother.

“Finn!”

“No. Look, what I did to Sam–”

“We.”

“Fine, what we did to Sam was shitty. Yet somehow he and Quinn managed to keep some level of trust and friendship, and that's just... Awesome. And I am not enough of an asshole to get in the middle of that. I trust Quinn, and I trust Sam, and you don't get to say otherwise.

“As for Kurt, yeah, you don't get to say shit about that either. Sam's never been anything but cool with Kurt, unlike the rest of us, and I thought you of all people should know better than this.”

And wow, Finn had really worked on his “disappointed in you” look. It was quite frankly amazing. The others seemed to think so too, judging from how they reacted as Finn slowly turned to meet everyone's eyes.

“I hope I don't have to explain to anyone exactly how not at all acceptable it is to spread this shit around the school. I know I'd hate to end up in detention for fighting with a team mate, or for getting into it with a girl.” “That doesn't mean I won't” hung in the air, just as loud as if Finn had actually said it out loud.

“Mr Schue? Could we get back to what we're supposed to be doing here?”

And of course since it was Finn asking that was exactly what happened.

Kurt spent the rest of practice seething.

Rachel was waiting for him by the Nav after Glee, which meant she'd put on some really impressive speed to beat him there.

“Kurt. You have to listen to me. Finn doesn't understand how dangerous it can be, being LGBT in a town like this, but you and I, we do. You know how much danger Sam will be in if people think you are seeing him.

“There are already people whispering about you turning him gay, or worse. You remember what it was like before. Do you realize how bad this is for Sam? He could get hurt – someone could hurt him, because of this. Because of you. Do you really want that for him?”

“Of course I don't, but–”

It was like speaking to a wall, except less effective.

“I just...I think you should try and distance yourself from whatever it is that you think that the two of you have going on. You should get a boyfriend.”

And there it was. Find a boyfriend. Next she’d be pushing Blaine on him again.

Anyone else, Mercedes or Tina or Brittany or yes, even Santana, and he’d have been willing to think they were looking out for him, and Sam. But this was Rachel, and he knew her too well for that.

Maybe Rachel really did care about Sam, but, Kurt knew, for Rachel Berry it was always about her in the end. Apparently once her romantic relationship with Blaine was over they’d allowed it to morph into some strange symbiotic friendship – which Kurt felt was probably less than healthy.

Blaine wanted Kurt to go out with him, and that meant Rachel wanted it too, meaning it should happen. After all, not getting what they wanted lessened the duos’ focus on being stars, or something like that.

Also – and okay, he had no proof for that part except for experience, but that was valuable enough – if Kurt wasn’t around Sam Rachel could focus on the fact that Quinn was, could try again to drive a wedge between the blonde and Finn, hopefully leaving Finn free for the taking.

Too bad Kurt wasn’t going to cooperate then.

“Look, Rachel, even if I did find a boyfriend it wouldn’t stop me from being friends with Sam, from spending time with him. In fact, any boyfriend worth the trouble would never try to stop me from that. And it’s not like something as simple as me staying away or the truth is going to stop the gossiping jerks of McKinley. It never has before.”

They'd both been subjected to enough gossip to know that, after all.

“Also, seriously Rachel? This is only a problem because of you. You had no business sneaking around and spying, and you most definitely had no right spreading those rumors. If someone hurts Sam because of that it won’t be my fault, it’ll be yours and Jacob ben Israel's. After all, we kept a low profile for a reason. No one would know about us being friends outside of the choir room if not for you and your big mouth and your damned stalking.”

“Then you need to do something about it! We'll find a girl to go out on a couple of dates with Sam – I'm sure Mercedes would be willing. And Blaine is still interested in you, all you have to do is stop playing hard to catch. This isn't the time to let your hurt feelings run the show, Kurt, this is when you need to be better than that.”

And wow, really? Did she crack completely while I wasn't looking?

“Thanks for that suggestion, Rachel. Now would you mind moving, I would like to get out of here.”

Except he couldn't stop thinking about everything. It all went round and round in his head, until the pieces started falling together in a very ugly pattern.

Twenty minutes after leaving Rachel behind in the parking lot Kurt rang the doorbell at the Berrys.

“Kurt! I knew you'd come to your senses! I have the perfect suggestion for you to–”

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“What?”

“Did. You. Do. It. On. Purpose? Did you lead Jacob there on purpose? Did you plan this, Rachel?”

The words were coming out louder and louder, dripping with bitterness, until he was practically shouting.

Hiram Berry came running in to the hallway, took one look at his daughter backed up against a wall and the furious Kurt, and started trying to defuse the situation. Kurt wasn't having it though.

“I'm not leaving without an answer, Rachel. I also don't have a problem with airing this in front of your dad, so if you thought him being here would save you, think again.”

“What's the matter, Kurt? Whatever it is I'm sure we can fix it.”

“Right. Well, see, Mr Berry, I really doubt that. Unless of course you have a time machine hidden away somewhere.

“See, once Rachel and her boyfriend broke up – supposedly because having to keep the New Directions' setlist secret from him was just so hard – she started trying to talk my brother into dumping his girlfriend by claiming she was cheating on him. When that didn't help Rachel decided to keep stalking Quinn in the hopes to take pictures that'd make Finn leave Quinn and come running back to Rachel – or so I assume, since it's not exactly common for her to do things like this without personal gain.

“Now, maybe I would have let Rachel get away with this normally, because she didn't stand a chance of getting what she wanted, but thanks to her actions a good friend of mine is actually in danger right now.”

“I had nothing to do with those photos! And if you're so worried about Sam you should stay away from him and–” Rachel snapped her mouth shut, possibly realizing she was close to saying something that would only give Kurt more ammunition.

“You didn't take those photos, no, but there is no way Jacob ben Israel would have found Sam there without you. You already know he stalks you on a regular basis, so why would you believe he isn't now, knowing that you're single again?”

“I'm sorry, but would you mind telling me what you're talking about?”

Rachel tried to serve her version, but Kurt just talked right over her and informed Mr Berry about exactly what had happened.

“That is horrible, and we are going to come back to that later, but for now I'd like to know why you were asking if Rachel planned this.”

“Because I know her?

“No, sorry. First of all there's Finn. She went to him first, but he refused to listen to her, choosing instead to trust his girlfriend. It would be very much Rachel's style to believe that spreading the information would make Finn change his mind.

“Second, when people started asking Sam if he was involved with me in some way Rachel suggested that I could protect Sam from being called gay – and subjected to the same treatment I get – by abandoning my friend and start dating her ex-boyfriend. That I have no interest in doing so, and have in fact turned him down already, wasn't a concern for her.”

Mr Berry frowned and gave Rachel an appraising look. She soon began to blush, leading Mr Berry to frown even harder.

“I'm really disappointed in you right now, Rachel. I suggest you go to your room and think about what you've done, and we'll talk about this when your dad comes home. Kurt, would you mind answering a few more questions for me?”

It ended up being more than a few questions, but seeing as the result was Mr Berry leaving to talk with both Jacob and his parents Kurt was fine with it.

He was even more fine with it the next day when he found out the results. Jacob had lost his camera and his channel was gone. The Muckraker had been disbanded and that everyone involved had been forced to apologize to everyone they'd trashed – including Sue. And the Evans family had gotten some proper help, both with their living situation and looking for jobs. Mr and Mr Berry did not play around.

The fact that Rachel was subdued and refused to even look at Kurt was just the cherry on top.

~TBC ~

#chocoholic fics #kurtofsky #kurt hummel #dave karofsky #pov: kurt hummel #(take) these broken wings #not for the klaint of heart #not blaine or rachel friendly

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alun-ura · 4 years

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Send me a 🌻 and I’ll just tell you whatever the fuck I want

We have only one braincell and it can’t stop howling about Automata so I’ll take thREE OF YOUR THINGIes to just ramble about how the song Weight of the World destroys my soul and why I can’t stop crying about sad androids but it also heavy spoilers for Nier: Automata so idk man

First time you hear it is when you finish the first route / 2B’s route, and the song feels a lot like it’s from 2B’s perspective and gross sob as you learn more about her, that she is actually called 2E.

The official designation...is 2E. Number 2, Type E.

This is a specific model for Executioner, it is shown in some side quest that there was another types among these and iirc the one you meet kills herself for nor being able to bear with the guilt of having to meet people / make friends and eventually having to kill them at some point. 2B's role though was to be sure that 9S wouldn’t find out about the truth behind the YoRHa, so she’d have to kill him every time he ended up finding out about it because of the natural curiosity programmed on his model/type.

Tell me God, are you punishing me? Is this the price I'm paying for my past mistakes?

Even though she knew the truth about YoRHa simply for her model, and having to deal with 9S finding out about it - where there are times where he even learns the truth about her.

(9S speaks while struggling painfully.) 9S: Damn ...! 2B, why?! Why did you ...! Pod 153 (narration): A wide, white sword penetrates 9S's stomach. Pod 153 (narration): As delicate, red blood drips down him. (2B hides her pained feelings.) 2B: You attempted to access highly confidential information ... therefore ... 9S: B-But ... 2B ... T-Trust ... me ... Pod 153 (narration): 9S's vital signs begin to fade. Pod 153 (narration): Heart rate decreasing, body temperature declining, motor functions failing, pupils dilating. Pod 153 (narration): As every one of his parameters breaks down, he chokes out his final words. 9S: I-It hurts ... It ... h-hurt ... s ... (His heart stops, and there is the sound effect of a flatline beep.)

So 2B was bound to ALWAYS be partners with 9S, and ALWAYS have to kill him *muffled crying* thinking back that they are Androids so god knows how many times she had to do it.

2B: Kh ... ngh ... (Unable to bear it, 2B begins to cry.) Pod 153: Pod 153 to 2E. Pod 153: Proposal: Delete 9S's personal data and reinstall default personal data. 2B: This is ... too much ...

And :D

2B: No ... Enough already ... Pod 153: Proposal: Unit 2B should carry out her assignment. (The sound of a heartbeat stopping, and a flatline's beep.) 2B: I don't want to kill him anymore ...

But also :D

Pod 153: The Commander has already denied the mission cancellation request submitted 64 hours ago. (The sound of a heartbeat stopping, and a flatline's beep.) 2B: Why ... do I have to ... Pod 153: Unit 2B was chosen due to her ability to adapt to harsh environments as well as her combat capabilities. 2B: I'm not suited for this mission at all ... Pod 153: Negative. 2B: Someone ... help me ...

When the first route starts, you get to eliminate a target which ends up requiring 9S’s help, they are very formal / military-ish while talking then, but as it goes, 9S gets more :D with her as in.

9S: You know, ma’am. I’m glad you are here. 2B: Why? 9S: Scanners like me mostly work alone. Scouting enemy lines and all that? I don’t usually get a partner. It’s kind of fun! 2B: ...Emotions are prohibited.

This is something that I ended up wondering the first time I played it, because 9S at first is very friendly and excited to have a companion in a mission, and in general just very warm towards 2B while 2B is big ol’ “Emotions are prohibited” and tries to brush him off / don’t really care about his attempts on trying to be more intimate? with her.

9S: Hey, 2B? 2B: Yes? 9S: People that know me well usually call me Nines, so... 2B: ... Oh. 9S: So... What do you think? 2B: Of? 9S: I mean, if you wanna call me Nines, it’s totally okay. 2B: ... I’m good. 9S: Oh, um... Alright...

gently I’m not crying you are crying So because of the nature of their relationship, and because 2B knew the truth, and knew that she’d have to kill him again sooner or later.

9S: Watch out for hostile enemies, 2B. 2B: Roger that, Nine...ze. 9S: Huh!? Wait, what did you just say!? 2B: Roger that, 9S. 9S: Wait, no! That’s not what you said! You said “Nines”! Or at least something close to — 2B: Cut the chatter, and engage the enemy.

So her acting like this was a way to try and shield herself and not get attached once more and get hurt again when she has to kill him, but thinking through the game after you learn the truth about 2E, you look back on all the way she acts and how thorn she was through all of it and just pain.

2B: From the moment 9S gains illegal access within the Bunker, it becomes my duty to carry out his execution. 2B: It's a duty that I must repeat ... over, and over ... without end. 9S: I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something special towards 2B. 9S: But that sort of thing isn't allowed for us YoRHa troops. (2B, with a hint of pain in her voice.) 2B: Over and over ... I continue to kill 9S with my own hands. 2B: And every time, it feels like a void within me deepens. 2B: I wonder ... if it's okay for me to hope ... 9S: For the day ... 2B: For the day ... 2B and 9S: When my sins can be forgiven.

And with things like this, how Weight of the World applies to it like,

I feel like I'm losing hope. In my body and my soul And the sky, it looks so ominous. And as time comes to a halt. Silence starts to overflow My cries are inconspicuous

2B was going through this for many, many years. iirc she, along with 9S. were the first androids to be properly made - where during her first time as 2B she already had to kill 9S for killing their creator. 2B was always at the price of either killing 9S, or letting all that she knew - all of YoRHa - fall. All the Androids, and possibly even the war against the machines before they knew that there was no proper war going on anymore.

Cause we're going to shout it loud Even if our words seem meaningless It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

So by killing 9S, 2B was avoiding the truth and end of YoRHa every time - while fighting machines that mostly wanted to wipe Androids too. She was fighting against both sides, while often being confronted with the fact that some Machines felt things too and didn’t even want to fight or were harmful at all, but she was still a soldier.

I wish that someway, somehow That I can save every one of us But the truth is that I'm only one girl

This wasn’t just about her and 9S, cause not killing him would lowkey just be treason, but saving all the YoRHa androids of this fate and lies behind it, and all the other common androids from also YoRHa’s fall and machines, /and/ the machine lifeforms that weren’t connected to their network and had a mind of their own. Because she knew the truth behind all of it and still couldn’t do a thing to even save herself or the most important person to her.

Maybe if I keep believing my dreams will come to life

I’m not even gonna get too much into the philosofical side Automata and how we see both androids and machine question things like their existence, reason and God™️

This is my redemption song I need you more than ever right now Can you hear me now?

But overall I think every one in this game suffers a whole fucking lot but I think none of them had it as hard as 2B, and by the end of the last route, when she finally dies due to a contamination spreading through all of YoRHa units. She meets A2 by the end, and offers her own sword to A2 - so she can keep 2B’s memories, and also end her before she goes corrupt by the contamination.

2B: Guess... This is it... (2B stabs the ground with her sword, offering it to A2.) 2B: These are... my memories. 2B: Take care of everyone for me... 2B: Take care... of the future... A2...

So yeah, 2B just wanted everyone to be good and nice and safe, and she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t save them, nor herself after trying to repair herself from the virus that was destroying her mind. She puts it on A2, the renegade YoRHa android and someone who knew all the shit behind YoRHa, that wouldn’t end up falling back on the cycle that was between those two. She honors what 2B asked of her, and proceeds to end her before she gets fully corrupted - while 9S is running to try and find 2B.

(A2 takes 2B’s sword, and proceeds to stab her with it.) 9S: 2B! 2B! 9S: 2B! Are you— (A wide, white sword penetrates 2B's stomach. As delicate, red blood drips down her.) 2B: Oh... Nines... 9S: This can’t... 2B... No... 9S: —A2! I’ll kill you!

:^) I’m not crying you are crying. This proceeds to 9S getting full blinded by rage and spending the rest of this route trying to kill A2 even though A2 is just trying to keep her promise with 2B, and try to save everyone, including 9S. This got into a biG RAMBLE SO I’m stopping here but *waggles hands* this and like, when you hear the chorus version of Weight of the World as if it’s all YoRHa singing, or when I got to hear the XIV version of it in the raid?? just watch how hARD I CAN CRY. Cause if this wasn’t painful enough, I’ll just leave this final bit here, when 9S finds a recording of 2B after she died.

2B: This is YoRHa unit 2B... 2B: If anyone’s listening to this, there’s something I need you to do. 2B: If you ever meet up with YoRHa unit 9S... 2B: I want him... I mean... 2B: I’m sorry. Please, just give him the following message: 2B: 9S... the time I was able to spend with you... It was like memories of pure light... Thank you... Nine...s.

#egrine #asks #thanks for the ask!#nier automata #nier #don't mind me while i spam nier content #long post #i hope the read more works dear god #i didn't mean to slap down as much here but #I appreciATE ANYONE WHO READS THIS CAUSE DAMN #i have too many feelings about this game #and this was just me rambling about 2B #and her feelios/relationship with 9S #theres so much more #i cant #trying not to cry yALL

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thiswasinevitableid · 4 years

Note

75 for Indruck!! and either nsfw or sfw is chill

I went with SFW! 75 “I’m an insomniac who calls my best friend at 3am except I misdial on my landline and I tell you all about my nightmare before letting you talk and now I’m mortified but you don’t hang up

CW: mentions of pot and of death

Indrid awakens in a panic, flailing and falling onto the floor. This is why he doesn’t have a bedframe; the routine falling hurts less from a half foot of drop.

“Ouch.” He says to the empty room, the white noise machine doing nothing to soothe his nerves. Maybe if he stays very still, the nightmares can’t find him.

No. That’s not how this works. Maybe he should see if anyone is awake. He just needs another voice, to know someone can hear him if he screams for help.

He grabs the nearest phone, which happens to be the landline that came with his little studio, and dials Barclay’s number.

“H’lo?”

“Hello, it’s, ah, it’s Indrid, I, I know it’s late, but I need to talk and you said I could call anytime so I am. I, it, it was the dream again. I’ve been staying up as late as can, not sleeping unless my body just sort of forces me too and I dropped off while drawing and it happened again, the one with the bridge this time, not the one with the car, and I, I fell, like I always do, but this time I, I didn’t, didn’t wake up when, when, when it happened. I’m sorry, just, please, can you talk with me awhile so I can remember I’m here?”

“Uhhhh, sure? But, uh, got a feelin’ you mighta mixed somethin up.”

Indrid’s fairly certain Barclay does not have a southern accent.

“Oh, oh god, I’m sorry, I dialed wrong didn’t I?”

“Guess so? Don’t know any fella named Indrid, and I’m guessin’ you don’t know anyone named Duck, it’s a nickname.”

“No, I don’t” he curls his legs to his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“S’okay. I was still up, been tryin to beat this level.”

“Why didn’t you hang up?”

“‘Cause you sounded real fuckin scared.”

He was. He still is, his heart a deer still running from long-outrun wolves.

“Are, uh, are you okay now?”

“I will be fine.”

“I mean, I ain’t a therapist or anythin’ like that but, uh, I can try to help somehow.”

“I’m afraid the only thing that may work is continuing to talk with me which, were I in your shoes, I would not want to do. Christ” he shivers, fumbles in the dark for his sweater, “I need a hug.”

“I can do that.”

“We’re on the phone.”

A small laugh, “no kiddin, here I thought we were at a Taco Bell. I was offerin’ to come over or, uh, wait, no, you better come here, think I might still be a little high so I shouldn’t drive.”

“Are you messing with me?”

“Nope. I live at 5547 Williamson, apartment 2B. Ring the buzzer and I’ll let you in.”

This is ridiculous, how does either of them know the other isn’t planning on wearing their skin as pajamas?

“I’ll see you there.”

The walk gives him time to second guess himself, then second guess that second guess, and so on until he reaches the three story building that clearly used to be one, family home. He rings the bell for 2B. No one will come down, Duck is probably asleep, or has realized how dangerous his suggestion is.

“Who is it?” The same drawl from the phone, now through the door.

“Indrid. From the phone.”

“Howdy, Indrid from the phone.” Duck opens the door, looking better than Indrid dared imagine. They’re about the same age, dark hair with fading streaks of blue falls about a round face, a stocky frame looks singularly nice to lay against.

“C’mon up. Tried callin’ you a little while ago to see if you wanted me to order food or somethin, but since you didn’t answer think we’re gonna have to settle for leftover pizza for now.”

“That’s, ah, that’s fine. And that was a landline I called from, hence the lack of response.”

“Jesus” Duck giggles, “you still got one of those?”

“The previous renter left a lot of things behind, and whoever is paying that telephone bill hasn’t stopped so far. Oh, thanks.” He steps through the door Duck holds open, finds a room much like his own; a messy studio full of the elements a single man needs to get by. A tiny T.V is linked up to an XBOX in the corner, and two hanging planters flourish by the windows.

“Still want that hug?” Duck opens his arms.

Indrid nods, stepping into them, his own arms locked by his sides in case Duck doesn’t want to be touched. The shorter man is warm, his arms solid and strong, one holding Indrid’s shoulder blades so the other can run up and down his back.

“You can hug back, I don’t mind.”

Indrid hugs his waist, “This isn’t weird to you?”

“Kinda? I dunno, I give damn good hugs and I don’t like seein’ people scared or hurtin, and you seem to need someone to be a little gentle with you. So, what the fuck, may as well hug you; knew I wasn’t gonna feel right if I hung up without offerin’. Besides, that dream sounded fuckin’ awful.”

“It is, its’ that way every time. So is the other one, and the one after that.” Indrid curls inward, as if he could somehow squeeze his nearly six foot frame to fit snugly under Duck’s chin, “I, they aren’t just dreams, either. I have what you call very bad luck with death. My mother died in a car accident when I was seven, with me in the backseat. My father died in a freak bridge collapse, again with me only barely surviving. Then my best friend drowned when we were swimming.” He shudders, images flooding back, “the dreams make me see it over and over in strange, altered versions, versions where I die, and they say you’re supposed to wake up before you die in a dream but tonight I didn’t, I felt my dream self die and I, I, I woke up so frightened.” he gasps, cringes to find tears slipping from under his glasses.

“Hey, hey it’s okay man, here” Duck sits them down on the bed, Indrid now clinging to him, “don’t worry, ain’t lettin go, you can keep talkin if you need.”

“I get so scared sometimes, like I’m an omen of doom and anyone who comes near me will die. And I know that’s ridiculous because the majority of people who’ve been close to me are still alive, but nights like this I wake up and watch the door and the windows because it feels like death is following me, waiting to grab me, and I’ll die frightened and alone and not be found for days until someone, one of the few who still cares for me, wonders why they haven’t heard from me and, andandand-” it’s sobs now, awkward and painful each time they push out of his chest.

“Shhhhh” Duck pats his hair and Indrid wiggles closer, hoping his whine communicates the desperate hope he’ll do that again, touch him like he matters. What it does is knock them over, bed squishy under them.

“Hush, hush now, ain’t nothin like that gonna happen. No more talk of shadows, partly because I only sobered up like ten minutes ago and talkin about seein the grim reaper in the corner don’t play nice with that.”

‘“I, I’m s-sorry-”

“Hey, hey I was teasin’, tryin’ to see if I could make you laugh at me a little” Duck strokes his cheek with his thumb, voice warm as a summer morning and soothing as moonlight, “besides, even if somethin’ scary did show, you got the ‘hero of Kepler’ to protect you.”

“The, the what of what now?”

“Kepler’s the tiny town I grew up in. Both my folks were real respected and shit, dad was former marines, everyone assumed I was gonna grow up and fight the good fight. Instead I disappointed ‘em all by wantin’ to look after trees all day.” He mutters, looks sad, and Indrid can’t bear the sight and so he mimics him, places a hand on his cheek and pets it gently.

“Trees do far more good, and need far more help nowadays.”

“Thanks, ‘Drid. Oop, sorry, just kinda slipped out.”

“Nono, I like it, I’ve never had a nickname before. Or, ah, never had a good one, that is.”

“Well, you do now, because I like you and I say so.” Duck pets his side, making his sweater ride up and exposing a tattoo.

“Oh shit, that’s so fuckin’ cool.”

“Thank you, I did the design myself. That’s, ahd, that’s what I’m doing in town. I’m apprenticing to be a tattoo artist.”

“So. fuckin. Cool.” Duck draws a finger along the moth design, Indrid squirming a little when he does. It feels nice; unfamiliar, but nice.

“You gotta tell me all about it.”

“Alright” Indrid sniffs and Duck, after flopping to the side of the bed and reaching beneath it, produces a tissue, “as long as you promise to tell me about those” he points to the row of succulents on the far wall.”

“Think I can handle that. Fuck, got cold in here.” He drags a blanket up over them and Indrid purrs at the warmth, snuggling up in his arms as Duck nuzzles his neck, “now, where were we…”

------------------------------------

Indrid wakes up with his glasses smushed to his face, a thick blanket wrapped around him, and the smell of coffee tickling his nose. He yawns, sits up and gets his bearings well enough to not be startled when Duck speaks.

“Mornin, sleepyhead.”

“Good morning.”

“Didn’t seem like you had more nightmares last night.” Duck pours two mugs of coffee.

“I didn’t. Your, ah, your presence helped immensely.”

“Maybe my true callin’ is a teddy bear, good for snugglin and keepin monsters away.”

“Perhaps.” He pads over to the little kitchen to join him. Takes the sugar when offered and dumps a large amount into his cup.

“Hey, uh, this may be way off base, but, uh, I, uh, I feel like we really kinda clicked. Even accountin for the weird circumstances and the heightened emotions and shit. I coulda talked with you for days, and honestly the reason I kept holding you after that firs hug was because I felt so fuckin comfortable with you. Like you fit.”

“I felt the same.” Indrid stirs his coffee, unsure of how to ask for what he wants.

“If, uh, if you ain’t busy tonight, do you wanna go out? With me?”

“On a date?”

Duck suppresses a smile as he nods.

“I’d like that so much.”

“Hell yeah.’ Duck hugs him and this time he hugs back instantly, giggling when the shorter man kisses his cheek and whispers, “and if you feel like it, happy to be your teddy bear tomorrow night, too.”

#indruck #meet ugly #indrid cold/duck newton #prompt fills

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autumnslance · 4 years

Note

Hello! Are you looking forward to 5.3, and do you have any story predictions? :)

I am very much looking forward to 5.3! I am planning to be up bright and early in the morning (6am my time) for the Live Letter and likely a trailer. I also took Patch Day off work so I can just play and not sit and be unproductive and distracted at work all day.

As a reminder: trailers are meant to hype us up and are often cut to be misleading! Incomplete, out of context voiced lines over entirely unrelated scenes/images! Things spliced together to pique interest and fuel theories! Do not trust it!

They may use more NieR music. Or part of the boss theme for the Secret Trial. Or both.

I had a lot to say so here’s a cut!

Predictions? Hrm. At this point I’m not sure. I can think of a few different possibilities, especially with The Crystal Tower raids becoming mandatory (and honestly they should have just done that before Shadowbringers entirely). We also know Our Lady Natsuko Ishikawa is back to lead writing for this finale of the storyarc she’s guided this entire time.

-I do think the Crystal Tower on the Source will become important again, as will its slumbering keeper. There’ve been hints dropped to that regard since the end of 5.0.

-I’m not so sure the Exarch will die; there’s a lot of talk about it and people claiming “OMG death flags!!!” but that just makes me think the opposite; he might come close, but with the way the narrative has relied on second chances and hope, I don’t see it as that likely. Also Her Grace Ishikawa dislikes killing off characters if she can help it, so unless she’s under orders, I feel it’s unlikely.

There are other ways The Queen can break our hears, after all.

-I am ready for a big, teary scene where Ryne says goodbye to the Scions, especially Thancred. There are a couple possibilities for how it can go, though.

-Interrupted by an enemy/event, leaving only last soft looks and things still unsaid but the communication is finally there.

-Thancred (and/or Urianger and/or Y’shtola) end up remaining on the First after all, perhaps to give the others a chance, or to help the Exarch, or Ryne, or similar last minute emergency reasons; unintentional, but they won’t just leave their friends hanging.

-The Archons do get to leave, but it’s difficult getting them back to their bodies; this is where I think Young G’raha comes back in. His blood on the Source can be used to reverse what Exarch does on the First to get the Scions into the souljars and back into corporeal form.

-A big part of me wants Ryne to last minute suddenly have to help us get the Scions back. That’s been my theory the whole time and I won’t let go until this is resolved. Minfilia got the Heroes of the First home with her, Ryne could be able to do the same; she’s as Blessed as the WoL is, after all, and just as Rejoined.

-That last one does leave Gaia alone, though, which is rough, but also she could finish Eden on her own at this clean break point in that story. While Ryne dearly loves and wants to rebuild the First, she is the Oracle of Light--and Light’s time over that world is done. That Oracle’s powers and point of hope are no longer needed, but a personification of Darkness’ changes, well...

-Runar may have a role somehow; there’s theorizing on the focus on him last patch, and him overhearing Y’shtola talk of leaving, might leave him open to manipulation.

-Frankly all the new-minted WoLs are open to manipulation, and Elidibus turning them on the Scions somehow.

-I want Angelo to come back with Alisaie. Barring that, she immediately remakes him. I definitely want a scene or at least mention of her testing her new technique on Ga Bu, but that might take another patch or two.

(I’m pretty sure out of all of them, the twins are definitely getting home; their stories on the First have been neatly wrapped up and their role alongside the WoL keeps them pretty safe, I think)

-I want a stabilized portal with the First. I don’t want the world “cut off” so far as plot goes (open for us to return for leveling/crafting/instanced reasons, but the story there being over). It would negate in so many ways the point of saving the First to let it rot in MMO static world status, but I’m also sure that’s likely to happen. Story moves on, as do the lives there, but the game can’t depict it unless there’s a plot reason for it to update.

-We’ll start working on the still-destroyed other side of the Firmament. It’ll go much like the last patch’s progression did, as that actually worked out rather well. Maybe it’s a new form of player housing. Possibly. They’ve got to come up with something different.

-Anogg and Konog will blow things up. Machine lifeforms will attack the Goggs’ carnival. The Chief will yell and curse a lot. Nines may end up helping protect people from the machine lifeforms and then begrudgingly work with us, and 2B if we can wake her; she’s in promo art still so may get woken up during the story leading into the Bunker. I know there’s at least one other faction in NieR those figures in the art could be, and the gear they hinted will be based on said figures. We’ll learn some, but not the whole story, of what happened to 2B and why Nines was enraged while not infected (his eyes were clear). Maybe we’ll meet A2; as a boss? I doubt we’ll see Adam and/or Eve until part 3, though; they feel like end bosses, if I understand their role in story right (I’ve not played any NieR).

-People will gripe and whine there are no changes to the actual writing, dialogue, or voice acting for ARR, especially in EN, not realizing how much more work that is, not to mention probably legal issues and contractual obligations with that studio and the actors.

-I’m hoping for Class and Job quests for New Game+

(as an aside, I would love for the ARR Beast Tribes to get retooled to be a bit more like HW and later Beast Tribes, and ARR and HW DoL/DoH quests to get updated to be more StB-style; for one thing, it’s an actual test of your gathering/crafting skills, not “buy it from the MB/have a buddy make it” and for two, once contained to story items, it might make it easier to add those quests to New Game+)

-Please give us Hildibrand. Please. I’m begging, SE! Greg canonically has riftwalking powers and used them at the end of StB Hildy. Please. Give us the Inspector, he’s how the WoL destresses from what MSQ throws at them.

There’s probably more I’m forgetting, but this is more than enough for now. I’m trying not to go too hard on speculation, as whatever happens will still surprise me somehow.

I do expect tears though. Lots and lots of tears.

#prompts #blogging #about me #Patch 5.3 #Reflections in Crystal #speculation #Dark Autumn #Aeryn Striker #C'oretta Khell #Iyna Cauld #Anonymous

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archosaur-automaton · 4 years

Text

Alone Together, Part 1

“I managed to reattach the limb, but you’ll have to take a ganglionic regeneration serum to keep the nerve bundles from atrophying,” Julian said to the Brazkonian on his table.

“Unfortunately for you, the damage done to the cargo bay can’t be regenerated so easily,” Odo said gruffly. He motioned to his deputies. “Put him in a holding cell until we hear word from the embassy on Brazkon.” Silently, the arachnoid man got up and walked with the two officers out of the medical bay, a sullen expression on his face.

Odo scoffed. “Petty thieves. They’re never very bright about their schemes, are they?”

Julian nodded, sitting down at his desk. “Brazkon Prime isn’t even part of the Federation! That’s sure to start a diplomatic row. I’ve no doubt he’ll end up in very hot water with his government.” He tapped at a PADD, his attention shifting entirely to the paperwork.

Odo grunted, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked down at the doctor, studying him closely. After a moment, Bashir looked over at him quizzically. “Was there something else I could help you with, Constable?”

“Actually, there was. I’ve been meaning to speak with you about this for a while now.” Julian raised an eyebrow but remained silent. Odo made a small harrumph, before continuing. “For a long while, I wasn’t sure, given my limited experience with observing humans, but it’s become strikingly obvious that you have a certain...interest in me.”

Julian let out a laugh, before collecting himself. “Not that I mean any offense, constable, but you are unfortunately not my ‘type’, if you understand my meaning.”

Odo tilted his head to one side. “I’m not implying romantic or sexual attraction. In fact, just the opposite. Still, when we work together, there is a sense of...excitement I can detect, an eagerness. If it were romantic in nature, that would be one thing; but since it is not, and I have no explanation as to the cause, I find it somehow more distracting than the alternative.”

Julian blinked a few times and averted his gaze, his face scrunched up in thought. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but no sound came out, and he sat there agape for several moments. Eventually, however, he cleared his throat, shifting in his seat as he searched for the words. “I hadn’t thought that I was doing anything that might give it away,” he said in a small voice.

“It’s my job to be able to ‘read’ people, to make inferences as to the behaviours and thought-processes of humanoids. Also,” he added, a tone of amusement in his voice, “you are perhaps more transparent than you like to think. At any rate, I don’t mean to be demanding, but I feel our professional relationship has suffered somewhat because of this.”

Julian nodded slowly, the gears of thought whirling visibly in his head. “I only hope that you won’t think it terribly odd,” he said, a plaintive expression on his face. Odo harrumphed, more curious than annoyed, and Julian nodded again slightly before continuing. “And of course our circumstances are so very different, but -- you are of course familiar with my genetic augmentation, yes?”

Odo nodded, the annoyance creeping back into his voice. “Go on...”

Julian sighed. “It’s just that...as a child, I was developmentally disabled. I had delays in the acquisition of language skills, motor coordination, an incredibly poor memory. I was...different from everyone else my age, and even then I knew it.” He swallowed, an uneasy tone in his voice. “Different in a way I could tell was...wrong. I felt like a disappointment, like I was in some way shameful, as if my very existence was a discomfort to my parents. Until I was augmented, that is; then I was different in a good way. I was capable of grand achievements, of excelling, of being useful to my parents. But even though I had changed, something stayed the same; I came to realize that I was still being dehumanized. First for being defective, and then for being a miracle of science, something my parents could brag about and show off, someone who could...do party tricks for an enrapt audience. ”

He looked up at the ceiling, his lower lip quivering ever so slightly. “Wherever we went, whomever we were with, my father would encourage me to perform all sorts of...feats. Recite a poem by Wordsworth backwards, Julian. Name all the species of noctis beetle on Kaligar 2B, Julian. Tell me what color shoes I was wearing exactly 211 days ago, Julian.” He let out a shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair, before looking back at Odo.

“What I mean to say with all of this, is that...to be perfectly honest, I find myself seeing a reflection of my own life in yours, to some degree.”

Odo tilted his head. “That’s an interesting statement.”

Julian looked apologetic. “I know. Like I said, I -- I suppose I can’t presume to really know your circumstances. But there are things I cannot help but feel...resonate with my own experience. Being so different from those around you, feeling unable to ‘fit in’, being so distant and alien from those around you. Did you know,” he said with a wry smile, “that as a child, even after I was augmented, for the longest time I was convinced I was some freakish creature plucked from another world and set loose? At eighteen, I ran my own DNA tests on myself, desperate to find something that proved I was from elsewhere, that I wasn’t truly human.” He rubbed at his temple, frowning. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Not at all, doctor,” he said, his tone flat and his expression even more inscrutable than usual. “Please, by all means continue.”

Julian took a deep breath. “I suppose where I’m going with all of this is, that in all of this I feel a strange sense of...not quite kinship, but affinity, of connection. We aren’t really close personal friends, but all the same I feel...a little more comfortable around you, like I do with the other augments. I had always hoped that perhaps we could get to know each other better -- to bond over some shared understanding of what it’s like to be an outsider.” He stared at his hands, a drained and tired look on his face. “That’s really all I had to say on that subject, I suppose.”

“Thank you very much for sharing, doctor,” Odo said, uncrossing his arms abruptly. “Especially about such a...personal affair. However, I think we would both be best served if we maintained our current professional distance, especially given the nature of our respective jobs.”

Julian nodded rapidly. “Oh, of course, absolutely. That’s a perfectly reasonable reaction, and really it makes a lot of sense. I suppose I’m just grateful to have had the chance to say all that. I only hope this doesn’t create any...friction between us.”

“I don’t think there’s any need to worry about that, doctor,” Odo said, turning to leave. “Now, if it’s alright with you, I have some business to attend to. Good evening.”

Julian gave a small wave as the changeling left the medical bay, a polite smile on his face. As soon as the constable was well out of view, however, he let out a long, slow breath. Breathing heavily, he put his head in his hands. “Computer; lights,” he said. There, as the room filled with darkness, Julian’s fingers curled tightly in his hair, his eyes screwing shut. And when the ache inside became too much to bear, there in the solitude of the medical bay, alone, Julian let the tears flow, and flow, and flow.

#sad #julian bashir #odo #ds9 #deep space nine #star trek #star trek fanfic #fanfic #writing #my writing #alone together

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kanashierihime · 5 years

Text

English fanfiction to come

When you have too many ideas and you want to write them down even if it takes years to do it 😂.

Short abc of stories below. Help me decide priority of writing 😊

AoKuro (Kuroko No Basket)

Regrets (One shot) - Warning: Major Character Death. Kuroko remembers Middle School, his young love and the world of empty sympathy that stole his love away.

Can We Still Be Friends (Around 8 chapters not sure)- Warning: Depression, suicidal thought - Kuroko and Aomine didn’t see each other for two years after being thrown away from the team of Miracles . Everything change when while doing his shopping he spots Aomine’s mother who asks him if he maybe could visit her son in the mental hospital.

Wish (4 chapters) - Aomine was bored. Everything was boring. New team, new rivals. Boredom created his life, till one day he wakes up from his nap in a cat body. Just what the hell?!

Chrisawa (Daiya No A)

You Get My Love (around 10 chapters not sure) Warning: Depression, Homophobia, yips - Sawamura tries hard to blend into a team, but everyone just reminds him that he isn’t needed. The only person that actually cares about him is his mentor- Chris. He still loud and stubborn to be an ace, but then yips happened and he just couldn’t win over this. So he goes back to Nagano feeling worse than ever. He failed everyone. But surprisingly his mentor still visits him making Sawamura’s heart do some weird backflips.

Forget ur books (4 chapters). Sawamura was cursed as a child for disrespecting minor god. Now every time he read book he can make it real around him. So his family reminds him to read in a closed house to not affect the city in this weird magic. But one day while Sawamura is reading some of the history book no one noticed that one of the windows is open, turning the city into a place where nothing is normal. Especially not these warriors with swords ready to cut anyone in their way.

Mirror (2 chapters) Warning: Cheating, coming out. Chris is working a doctor busy with his carrier. He has a wife but their marriage isn’t happy. But then one day to his clinic came a young boy (who wasn’t so young) who made his heart skip a bit with his smile and nice words.

BakuDeku (Boku No Hero Academia)

(Don’t comment how most of these fics have P!nk song as a title, her song are just A+ okay? xD)

Trapped Mind (5 chapters) Warning: Angst, Hurt, Addiction to drug, alcohol, sex, depression, suicidal attempt, memory lost. Izuku fell into his own trap of being a perfect hero. Katsuki not wanting to see his friends being judged to death by being just human that can make mistakes, decide to play the bad guy and till Izuku won’t get his memories back. But this task is far harder than any mission he did so far. Being hated by everyone left him trapped in a dead-end.

Who Am I (5 chapters) Warning: Toxic parental love, Memory lost, bullying, depression. Izuku moves to USA as a child after his accident where he loses half of his right leg. His mother is warry of everyone in his surroundings, she doesn’t want him to go back to Japan and meet with a person she blames of being responsible for his accident. But Izuku is having enough of being trapped in her arms and want to find out who he is, who he was before his mother decided to create him as a weak man.

90 Days (4 chapters?) Warning: angst. Izuku always wanted to repair his friendship with Katsuki. Wanted to laugh with him, study, going out. But reality showed that it’s not possible. Katsuki found new friends, people he likes to hang out. Their second year in UA and Katsuki b-day was the last straw to kill his heart. Seeing his friend laughing with their classmates, not being bothered by all these hugs and photos. Izuku runs away to his dorm room to cry his eyes out. And decides to go over Kacchan by the end of 90 days.

Walk Me Home (6 chapters) Izuku has autism that prevents him from having normal life. His only friend is Katsuki who seems enoying spending his time with Deku. But hearing his mom talking to his dad about her fears of him not being able to function without their help, to even find a job since meeting with people often ends with him having a panic attack. He wants to change, he wants to show his mom and Katsuki that he can be a proper part of society. But for that, he needs Kacchan help.

Secrets (10 chapters) Warning: Child abuse, Angst, pedophilia. Deku is a vocalist in Katsuki band with Kaminari, Tokoyami, Awase. Deku is the only person who can deal with Katsuki moods and can sing the song their drummer creates. Fans and media have their fun wondering what is the relationship between them. Deku also wonders what is his relationship with Kacchan and why he can’t sing his own songs.

Happy (around 10 chapters) Warning: Soulmate, angst, depression. Izuku loves heroes even tho he wasn’t born with a quirk, but he don’t have time to dream since his family life isn’t so happy. His dad found his true soulmate and his mom lost her mind over broken heart since for her his dad was her soulmate. Izuku from his young days must watch out for his mom, and every day he prays to not find her dead when he returns home. Even meeting All Might didn’t make him eager to focus in hero path. He refuse All Might to be a hero, he doesn’t have time and his mom would go crazy if he would left her side. Wanting to save Kacchan was just a short thought of ending his misery. But somehow Deku ends up in UA in GE curse. And soon he finds up that his Soulmate is Kirishima. He feels how his body is changing because of it thing he doesn’t realize that Katsuki isn’t happy to find out.

Silent Scream (5 chapters) Warnings: Bullying. Izuku has troubles with speaking, so his parents showed him sign langue which find out more fun and enjoyable. But soon fun times ends when he ends up with the same kindergarten as Katsuki who wants to make him speak no matter what. Everything goes in the far worse direction the moment when Katsuki gets his quirk. Not being able to control his new ability he goes too far with the explosion that made Izuku lose his hearing in the left ear. (okay so it;s “A Silent Voice” but in MHA AU xD)

Hurt 2b Human (DUNNO) Warning: angst, war, A/B/O, death. They say that Alpha ones are people that were blessed by gods. Omega were fruits of sweet desire for happiness. Katsuki was an Alpha. Japanese Solider who gonna die in Death Chamber any moment. No one knows why Japan lost the war. The only thing he knows that Russia won and now he gonna die. Or maybe there is a hope?

Timebomb (12 chapters) Fantasy AU. Katsuki and Deku fights with the evil mistresses who seeing that she can lose to them decide to split them apart and send Izuku to a different dimension. Katsuki roar with the grief of losing his mate. He captures his enemy to only learn that she can't bring him back. There is no way he gonna see his Deku again. But he can’t give up. He asks Uraraka for help and she creates a necklace to send him to other worlds, tho it will be random... So there he is going through 10 worlds to find his mate and return home with him.

Dream of the Death ( 5 chapters) Warning: major character death. Katsuki has few regrets in life. The biggest is telling his friend to kill himself. But then by villain attack he is sent to the past where Izuku is alive. Soon he realizes that whatever he says to Izuku doesn’t go through. So he changes his tacting and go to his younger self and please him to save Izuku.

Bonus story: Ten Times where Izuku got hit by quirk and made Katsuki ask himself of his sexuality (10 chapters)

Haikyuu!!

Different way of love (3 chapters) Warning: Angst, Homophobia, depression, suicide, dealing with lose. Kuroo thinks he has nice life. Good friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a dog. Nothing to complain. Till in Sawamura’s life show up his first love and things go not the way Kuroo thought it would. Sawamura is dealing with depression, love issues, and past that can't be really forgotten. Life isn’t an easy mission.

Neko Love (4 chapters) Warning: Abuse. Yokai had it enough of being ruled by weak humans. They started a revolution against them and won. Now people are their slaves and taste how yokais felt when humans bullied them for ages. Kuroo is a nekomata. He loves living in Sawamura household. He supposed to leave or rule over his past masters but he can’t find a strength to abuse his young master.

Tengu’s Book (6 chapters) Warning: abuse. Kuroo has the worst luck in the world. He was born with these strange powers and thanks to them he can see yokais. Not very pleasant thing to see. People usually are wary of him and are afraid of his weird looks and muttering. Kuroo is used to being alone. Till one day he meets a tengu who gives him an offer. He gonna be his bodyguard for finding his wings. What can go wrong?

Dragon’s Heart (5 chapters) Warning: Slight angst. Fantasy AU. Iwaizumi is a dragon rider but the thing is, he seems to not being able to bond with his dragon so after his school is destroyed by Demons he searches for beasts master Sawamura who was cursed by Demons to be able to talk with monsters and was thrown from society. Their meeting is awkward. Sawamura can’t really speak human langue since humans usually avoid him and Iwaizumi can’t deal with his responsibilities as a warrior.

Your Heartbeats (one shot) part of my Soulmate AU. Warning: Homophobia. Kuroo meets Bokuto in middle school and for the first time in his short life can feel his heartbeat. Bokuto was looking at him with the same confusion and happiness. All good vibes ended five minutes later when another player commented on how gross they were and should cure this. But does being in love is a really bad thing? Even if it between the same gender?

Let me be drunk for now (5 chapters) Publish AU created by @bringmemyqueen I like this idea so I gonna write something in it. Daichi has enough of his work, of people in his work. Why he seems to attract only men? Doesn’t he deserve some nice lady waiting for him at home? So every night he goes to a bar to drink and forget about his coworkers. He doesn’t know that this nice guy who keeps talking to him while drinking his beer is an author who works under Oikawa. But Iwaizumi is nice and his hands are warm when he touches him.

Where is my fun (one shot) Kenma prefers to stay home and play his videogames. It is his day off, so he has plans of not going out all day. But his friend has a different idea and god. Kenma can’t refuse him.

Bad Guy (one shot) It all started as a simple admiration. Watching Sawamura in action gave him chills. Even his old captain didn;t made him feel this way. He wanted to be tamed by this plain captain so he went to Karasuno to just see the object of his obsession, no big plans for it. Then this weird duo was screaming to him to leave their Queen alone and he barely remembered that cute glasses girl he was focused at Karasuno’s Captain that looked at him with such intensity that Terushima wanted to crawl to him and beg for something he never wanted to do before.

That is freaking long. XD Thank for reading :)

In MHA I wish i could write for different pairing alone fics but it just didn’t click in with me to try it. I’m still try to figure out some characters so their appearing in my fic won’t be a total disaster. (I’m looking at you Inasa xD)

#my stuff #aokuro #chrisawa #bkdk #bakudeku #iwadai #kurodai #terudai #bokuro #kenhima

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callboxkat · 5 years

Text

Infinitesimal (part 33)

Author’s note: Happy Monday, everyone!

Warnings: envy, nightmare mention, injury mention, fear, food mention

Word count: 3135

Look for the masterpost in the notes!

...

Virgil and Patton walked back home together. There was only one major climb on the way, to get down to the part of the wall where their house was located. Virgil felt a glow of pride at how quickly Patton managed it. It wouldn’t be long until he was faster at it than Virgil—as he logically should be, with both legs at his disposal.

Many littles in his place would probably be bitter about that, but Virgil wasn’t.

…Okay, okay. If he were being completely honest, maybe Virgil was slightly bitter. How could he not be? He had to watch Patton get better and better and know that he couldn’t do the same. This was it for him. He sometimes felt like he was trapped in a jar, watching everyone else go on without him.

But he was trying hard not to feel that way, and he knew that neither Patton nor Emile would want him to. Mostly, he really was just glad that Patton was getting better. He hadn’t left Patton behind when it was he who struggled most to keep up. Hopefully Patton would return the favor.

Virgil knew Patton well enough to know that there really was no ‘hopefully’ about it—Patton would wait for him no matter what. Not just because of how indebted Virgil knew Patton still felt to him, but because he was just that good of a person.

As they neared the house, Virgil pushed aside his unwelcome thoughts. Envy wasn’t helpful to anyone. He couldn’t change his situation, and to try to do so was as pointless as trying to keep the sun from rising. He should just be glad for Patton’s improvement.

When they arrived, Emile was already gone. Virgil wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed by that fact.

He and Patton collected what they would need for their trip, which wasn’t a lot: just some water, a rope and hook, a snack just in case the expedition took longer than was expected. Within minutes, they were ready to set out. Virgil and Patton walked together, side by side when possible; but often, the tunnel was narrow enough that they had to walk one in front of the other. Virgil went first since he knew the path better.

…

“Are you sure they won’t see us up here?” Patton asked. He and Virgil were quickly nearing the single remaining doorway they had into Roman and Logan’s apartment, which Virgil claimed led out onto a shelf in the living room. They still had a while before they reached it, though, so they made conversation.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Virgil promised. “As long as we’re quiet. The shelf is up high, and there’s plenty of junk on it to hide behind. You should have been able to see the shelf from that table the humans had you on.”

Patton thought back. He remembered there being a few shelves on the wall across from the windows. He’d certainly had enough time to memorize the layout of the room. They’d been cluttered, yes, but not with anything useful to a little.

“Why have a doorway to a shelf like that?” he asked.

“Emile’s idea,” Virgil explained, rounding a corner. Patton followed after him. “He likes cartoons, y’know, so he wanted to be able to watch them when the humans put them on. Not exactly the safest idea. Ironic, since he criticizes me for—.” He cut himself off. “Sorry. Anyway, they worked out to actually be pretty hidden. He chose spots that the humans ignore on purpose. The one in 2B—that’s the apartment we’re going to—it just leads to a shelf with a bunch of random stuff on it. Even if they did somehow see us up there, we’d be gone before they could get us. I actually went there a few times to keep an eye on you when the humans had you, when they were home and I couldn’t actually go down there.”

“Oh,” Patton said softly. He hadn’t known that. “So—so why leave this door? I know you had a bunch of doors into the apartment. Wouldn’t it be better to leave one with access to things other than a shelf?”

“Well, like I said, it’s for emergencies.” Virgil paused at an opening in the floor of the tunnel. “We have to climb down from here,” he informed him. As he started downwards, he continued his thought. “Like… say you disappeared again. We could come to this shelf and be able to see the whole room. If the humans took you again, they’d probably keep you in this room again, and we’d be able to see if you were here or not.”

“…Oh.” He’d meant that kind of emergency, not a shortage of supplies or something else along those lines. Patton shook off the uncomfortable feeling that came with this realization—he wasn’t sure what exactly the feeling was, but it was decidedly unpleasant—and followed Virgil down the hole.

They didn’t have to climb down far. Patton could already make out a muffled sound through the wall that he recognized as Roman’s voice. It was answered by a slightly deeper rumble a second later. Logan. They were both in the apartment.

“I don’t suppose this is enough to satisfy you?” Virgil asked feebly below him. He seemed to be having second thoughts.

“Well… they could be saying anything,” Patton pointed out. Virgil had offered to let him actually see them, and it really did sound like the place he was taking him to was well hidden. “I’d like to know, if it’s okay?”

There was a pause. Then, “Yeah. Yeah, it’s okay.”

“You don’t have to go out there with me,” Patton offered. “You can wait in the wall.”

“Nah.” Virgil sounded more certain now. “I’m good. It’s not like I haven’t gone out there before. No reason to be more nervous this time.”

They soon stood at the doorway itself: a four-inch by one-inch portion of the wall whose drywall had been almost completely chipped away. All that stood between them was a bit of wallpaper, the seam between two panels conveniently located here to allow access without the littles having had to cut the paper.

“The seam being at this part of the shelf was just luck,” Virgil whispered. “Emile called it a ‘happy little accident’, I think.”

Patton wasn’t sure what exactly that meant. He was rather distracted, practically bouncing up and down with nervous energy. He was rather torn: a part of him really wanted to see the two humans again, but the other part couldn’t help but be scared at the prospect.

“Remember—no talking to them, okay?”

“I won’t, I promise,” Patton swore. He wouldn’t risk getting captured again. As proof, he held out his hand for a pinkie swear—the most strictly binding oath that he knew of.

Virgil seemed momentarily baffled at having Patton’s smallest finger held out to him. After a short pause, he reached out his own pinkie finger and touched the pad of it to Patton’s. Patton giggled, careful not to let it get too loud.

“No, no, like this,” he said, hooking his pinkie around Virgil’s. “It’s a pinkie swear.”

“Right,” Virgil said, looking down at their hands. He was clearly still confused.

“You’ve never made a pinkie swear?”

“Um… no?”

Patton shrugged, unhooking their fingers. He’d thought it was common knowledge; but then again, most littles were rather isolated, from what he could gather. “It means I promise I won’t do anything that’ll get us caught.”

With that matter settled, they decided to listen for a few moments, just to get an idea of what was going on inside the apartment. It would be rather bad if they just so happened to go out on the shelf the one time that the humans paid it any mind. Being at the doorway, they could hear better from this spot what the humans were saying. Conversely, this also meant that the humans were more likely to hear them; hence, the whispering.

The two littles sat close to the wallpaper, listening. One of the humans seemed to be pacing, footsteps moving back and forth from one end of the room to the other.

“Wait, so what’s the problem again?” Roman was asking. He sounded a little further away than the pacing human, who must have been Logan.

“I told you, Advanced Biochem and Physics 3 have the same lab time on Thursday next term,” Logan’s slightly lower voice answered. He sounded agitated, an unusual tone for him. “I have to wait to take one until next year!” Patton couldn’t help but shrink back as his volume rose.

“But….” There was the sound of a few keys tapping, then something clicking. “This says there’s a lab on Tuesday, too.”

“Yes, but that lab is at the same time as a tutoring session.”

“Oh, right. Couldn’t you back out of that? There’s other tutoring sessions.”

“I can’t, they don’t have enough tutors to cover it.”

“Well… granted I’m not a cyborg like you, but aren’t those both really hard classes? Would it really be the worst thing to move one?”

“They are, but if I do that—.”

Patton looked over at Virgil as the humans continued their discussion. “They sound pretty distracted,” Patton noted, a tinge of hopefulness in his voice. There was no way they were looking at the shelf. Logan was pacing, and it sounding like Roman was using one of those “laptop” things.

“…should be focusing on exams….”

Virgil nodded in agreement. He shifted slightly closer to the wallpaper seam itself. “Lemme go first,” he said. He reached out a hand and pushed at the wallpaper.

There was an odd sound. The wallpaper didn’t move as easily as Virgil had clearly expected it to.

“I think it’s stuck,” he muttered, mostly to himself. He pushed harder, the wallpaper shifted, and suddenly there was a loud scraping noise. Virgil’s eyes widened and he stopped what he was doing immediately, but it was too late—the scrape was rapidly followed by a clatter, and then a loud crash on the floor far below. Both littles jumped an impressive distance into the air, then quickly moved away from the opening, going in opposite directions within the wall.

Patton could see Virgil pressed against a wooden support, his hands clamped over his mouth as if the humans would hear him so much as breathe. One of his crutches was at his side, the other having been abandoned in his haste.

…

The humans had gone suddenly silent. Virgil kept his hands pressed to his mouth, his heart hammering. His foot ached from his hurried retreat, but that was the furthest thing from his mind right now.

“What in the name of all seven dwarfs was that?” one of the humans finally asked.

A pair of precise footsteps neared the wall. There was a scraping sound, the clink of broken glass. Virgil listened hard, his whole body tense. He desperately hoped that they weren’t about to be discovered.

“That photo frame of yours fell,” the other voice answered. “It appears to have taken two of the figurines with it. I told you this shelf was too cluttered.”

The first human spluttered indignantly. “Where else am I supposed to put it? Besides, it was fine for the last three days!”

“Perhaps one of the neighbors. That setup was so precarious, a shutting door could have made it fall.”

There was a huff from below. “Well—is it broken?”

“Why, yes, Roman, the frame and glass pane are very much broken. The photo is undamaged, however, if that is at all reassuring.”

A second pair of footsteps joined the first. There was a long, distressed whine. “I got that from the director—.”

Virgil looked over as Patton moved, beginning to crawl towards him. He stiffened as his friend neared the doorway, the light from the wallpaper seam falling across him; but he just grabbed up Virgil’s lost crutch and kept moving, getting away from the door unscathed.

He pointed meaningfully upwards, back the way they had come. Let’s go.

Virgil nodded, taking the crutch from Patton in shaking hands. The humans were still far, far too close for comfort, their voices far too loud. He was finding it a little hard to think straight. Granted, he wasn’t straight, but that wasn’t important at this moment.

Patton touched the string around Virgil’s middle, then one of the crutches, and made a tying motion. Virgil got the message. He tied the crutches to his back, and Patton helped him to his feet. They made their way to the portion of the wall they used as a ladder as quietly as possible, one of Virgil’s arms around Patton’s shoulders for balance as he hopped the short distance to get there.

The humans had gone back to talking about whatever they’d been discussing before, but Virgil could tell that they were still at the base of this wall, picking up whatever he’d knocked over.

Even after they had climbed higher up in the wall, after they had walked through the walls towards the kitchen, it wasn’t until they were safely at the base of the wall on the third floor that Virgil felt like he could breathe again. He was still shaking, and as he and Patton sat down there, he realized Patton was trembling slightly as well.

“Sorry,” Virgil found himself saying. “I really didn’t mean to fu—to mess that up for you.”

Patton shook his head. “It’s okay. I know you wouldn’t do that on purpose.”

“They never rearrange that shelf, Pat, I swear.”

“Kiddo, I know. It’s fine, promise.”

Virgil looked down at a few specks of dust, sighing. He couldn’t help but think that Patton would blame him for this, would think that he had made the offer to see the humans only to pull a stunt like this as some kind of ploy to scare him away for good. Not knowing what else to do, he silently reached a hand towards Patton, holding out his pinkie finger

Patton smiled, hooking his finger around Virgil’s.

…

They sat there for some time, until both had calmed down from the close call. They drank some of the water and shared the peanut that they had brought with them. Then they made for home.

It was a relief when they made it back. Patton turned on the lights just in time to see Virgil flop down on the floor dramatically, making the corner of Patton’s mouth quirk upwards. It was good to be back somewhere they felt safe.

The two decided that they’d had enough excitement for one day; and so, much of the rest of the day was spent mending clothes and just talking. Virgil had his bad foot propped up on a bundled blanket, and Patton wondered if he’d hurt it somehow. Virgil didn’t seem to find it worth bringing up, though, so maybe it was just a little sore. Patton still felt a bit guilty. Even if the trip was Virgil’s idea, it was for Patton’s benefit.

As the afternoon wore into evening, Patton found himself wondering how Emile was doing. Virgil didn’t seem too concerned: Emile went off alone quite a lot, and he was more suited than either of them for going on supply runs, both more experienced and much faster. He wasn’t expected back until the next night at the earliest. Virgil had said that Emile wanted some time alone to think; but even so, Patton hoped he wasn’t lonely.

It wasn’t long after dinner that Patton started to nod off. His eyelids grew heavy, and he couldn’t seem to stop yawning. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, with his nightmare and all.

“Hey, Pat? You want to go to bed soon?” Virgil asked, clearly noticing.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“…Pat, your eyes are closed.”

They were? He forced them open again. Virgil came into focus across the room. “No, they’re not,” he pointed out. It was technically true, even if it hadn’t been just a few seconds before.

Virgil shook his head, already starting to get up. “Come on,” he murmured, holding out a hand.

“I’m not tired,” Patton mumbled, which was an obvious, boldfaced lie. The lights overhead flickered as if they were laughing at him.

Virgil took his hand anyway. “Well, we can still talk in the bedroom instead of out here, can’t we?”

Patton supposed that was true. He let Virgil lead him to the other room, and he lay down in the bed. Virgil sat down at his side and started telling him a story, something about when he and Emile were kids. He thought it had to do with dandelions, but it was hard to pay attention. Virgil’s voice had a soothing cadence. He really should be listening to the story. Probably.

…

Patton blinked open his eyes and yawned. He had woken up gently, slowly. No nightmares last night, it seemed. Patton was relieved, especially after that horrible one the night before. His gaze fell on a shape curled up just in front of him: Virgil, who was still sound asleep. When Patton propped himself up on an elbow, he saw that the rest of the blanket nest was still empty. That was unsurprising, since Emile had said he would be gone for two days.

Patton gently extricated himself from the bed, padding barefoot into the next room. He turned on the lights and looked at the clock. Virgil probably wouldn’t wake up for a while yet; so Patton just grabbed himself something small to eat and settled himself on the floor with his colored pencils and a few fresh scraps of paper.

Virgil came out of the bedroom a few hours later. “Hey, Patton,” he said, his voice still rough with sleep.

“Hello!” Patton greeted, looking up from his drawing. It was of two of the fish from the aquarium they’d gone to the day before.

“Fish?” Virgil asked.

“Mhm.”

“Is that Sweetpea?” He gestured at one of the fish with the end of his crutch.

Patton laughed. “Actually, that one’s Sasha.” He wasn’t very good at art.

“Oh, right, I see it now. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, kiddo.”

Virgil sat down at his side with a huff. “Can I draw with you?” he asked unexpectedly. “Maybe we could have this whole place covered in drawings by the time Em gets back. Confuse the heck out of him.”

Patton gave him a delighted smile. “I would love that!” he said. He passed over a sheet of paper, then moved the colored pencils to sit between the two of them. Virgil picked up the purple colored pencil and began to draw with his friend.

#sanders sides #sanders sides g/t #infinitesimal!sides #thomas sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #emile picani #sanders sides fan fiction #ts fanfic #fanfiction #infinitesimal fic

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heechulhamster · 6 years

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Remnants - Kim Jongdae

KIM JONGDAE x Reader

Genre: Angst, College!AU, Mature!AU

Warnings: Implied sex

4,068 words.

Synopsis: He was the one you tried to forget. His memories were the one you tried to bury, burn, and leave. Just exactly as he did to you. But seven years after, the ghost of your past was now standing in front of you. Breathing the same air, and existing in the same space as you do.

He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to live in the fragments of your memory you tried so hard to discard, burn, disintegrate. Yet he was here, existing in the same space as you, breathing the same air as you do, and unabashedly staring at you as if all other things are invisible. The set of eyes that were set on you stirred an overwhelming mix of emotions in your body.

"I am certain that you two would work well together on this project." Your client expressed with a wide smile, evident of hope and enthusiasm.

You tried hard to reciprocate the positivity he exuded. "We'll work hard to achieve your desired outcome, Sir." Your hand reached to the client in an assuring handshake. He then turned to him, and did the same. That's when your eyes met again, a surge of memories came back in your mind. You tried hard to shrugged it off, the bliss of immaturity, the wonderful firsts, the pain when he all too suddenly left.

The client left and you were quick to re-organize your portfolio that laid on the table. Not wanting to spend more time with the man in front of you.

"It's been so long. When did I last see you, seven years ago?" You looked up to him, seeing a sly smile on his face.

"Yep." You simply answered.

"You've changed a lot, really. I almost didn't recognize you."

"Yeah, five years is a lot of time Mr. Kim." A smile crept up in your face, but not one of comfort nor happiness. One that's a mere show of professionalism, or just a facade to hide how affected you really were.

"Mr. Kim? Aren't we far from formalities now?" His eyebrow raised, his features sure did improve a lot. His far more chiseled, structures more defined, his shoulders even broadened - almost the same as before but noticeably better.

"We have a lot of time for catching up while this project runs, Jongdae. I really need to go." You smiled with pursed lips and you were quick on your heels.

You hated how affected you still were. It's five years, it's been a half of a decade. Yet the pain he left was still there, among the butterflies that crept in your stomach when he smiled. It's still in your head like a video that can be played back over and over.

You were in second year of college, a handful of excitement still present in your system. It was your dream university and program after all. It wasn't hard for you to adjust in the new environment, knowing you prepared for it your whole life. You just felt that it was right, you in the city, studying Architecture, and that was it - all that you could ask for.

Then there was this one particular day, the weather seemed overcast and it was a good time to hang by the front of one of the best buildings in the university. The right amount of sunshine mixed with the green shade of spring made a wonderful sight to your eyes. You admired its neoclassical style, grabbed the drawing pad in your bag, and started sketching. Art was your passion, but there's always the insatiable room for improvement. Half an hour passed unnoticeably and you were awakened to your senses by a voice coming from beside you.

"A 2B would really work better on that shading. Would give it more dimension." You looked beside you, a man was suddenly seated on the free space and was looking (or judging) your work.

"I don't have one. It's just a random sketch anyways." You sighed.

He scuffled through his bag from where he retrieved a pencil of the exact shade he told you. "Lucky for you I have one here."

A smile full of subtle charm emerged on his lips, and you were sure you felt a sudden flush on your cheeks. You took the pencil with a smile and used it on the shading.

"Fine arts?" He asked you.

You shaked your head, not looking away from your work. "Architecture."

"Oh, our majors are closer than I have thought." You looked at him. He reached out a hand, "Jongdae, Civil Engineering." You took it with a smile and a steady babble of talk and laughter followed soon after.

It took off from there, from casual coffee dates, to just hanging out around the university, to being of constant prescence in each other's daily routines. He was a batch ahead of you so he showed you around the life of a typical student of the University. And it was such a shift from your cyclical life. Jongdae introduced you to his group of friends, which soon became yours too. Baekhyun and Minseok were such a delight to be with for you, one for the laughs, and the other seemed to always watch over you.

It seemed as if everything was in the right place, at the right time. When he held your hand, when you touch, when you whisper sweet nothings in the afterglow, it all seemed too perfect. But it was undefined. As much of a couple you two seemed to be, no one really confirmed what you guys were. It seemed to work that way, no one questioned it- not even you. No one really asked if you guys were official because it just seemed like it. And the two of you? Well you were pretty sure that the mutual exchange of affections and i love you's were assurance enough. But it was still pretty bleak. You didn't know if you had the right to be jealous, or demand time, or even ask anything from Jongdae. So when the time came that it all suddenly faded, you were left to wonder what happened. What went wrong? Was it all a work of fiction in your mind?

It was vague to you how after a summer break, you and Jongdae lost contact. You were inseperable for one and a half year and it was all gone with the wind. Messages went dry over the break, he was suddenly either too busy or somewhere else. And when school came back, you didn't even know how to approach him anymore. He was suddenly a stranger that you longed for. You came across each other and only a nod was shared, even if you want to ask him why. Why did he cut you out all too sudden? Was there ever gonna be an explanation?

Turns out, you never got the explanation you wanted. You never heard the reason why he acted as if nothing ever happened. His graduation came, and not a single word was heard from Jongdae. As if the months you shared was all but a work of your silly mind.

But you couldn't complain. What were you two anyway? You slept together, shared endearments, worked together, but was there even any confirmation? None. You didn't have any label. And somehow you figured, maybe it was nothing. Maybe it wasn't important to him, he had his fun, and now he's done. But it certainly wasn't just that to you.

That same night after meeting the ghost of your past, you found yourself indulging in a bottle of wine, or whiskey, whatever your hand reached in your pantry. It felt fucked up, how you still remember every damn detail he forgot with ease. How Jongdae's dumb smile still stirs a juvenile feeling within you. How you still want to cry, and cry you did.

You started to convince yourself that it was all just a product of being shocked in the situation. Who wouldn't be? That person who just left you seven years ago just appeared in your latest work project. What do you expect to feel? But it wasn't easy, Jongdae didn't make it easy for you too.

"These columns would really look good in terms of aesthetic but I'm more concerned regarding the structural integrity. It's a risk." He said, pointing to a certain part in your blueprint.

"Mr. Seo specified that he wanted that, and when was a column ever a concern for structural integrity?" You replied, still focusing on the blueprint laid in front of you.

He looked at you in curiosity. "Yeah, I figured that out. I forgot that I used to study Building Design with you." Jongdae let out a small chuckle.

"I made all your reviewers then, Jongdae how could I forget the concepts." You unexpectedly reminisced. He stared at you in silence, as if really looking back or pondering on what you just said.

"And besides, you tend to forget a lot of things." You rolled the blueprint and walked towards the coffee machine. You are in his office, his firm, as you were the architect that was sourced out of the company Jongdae worked from. No one from them focuses on modern architecture, one that you've been mastering on the past few years. So Mr. Seo wanted you for the job.

"Well, I most certainly did not forget about how we used to do this." He said withh a smile on his face, leaning back against his office chair. Your face scrunched in confusion.

"This is the first time we worked together, Jongdae." You chuckled a little, giving him a hint of how delusional he sounded.

"Our kitchen should have one large island on the middle so it wouldn't be hard to cook. It should be granite, I like that better than marble." He mimicked the way you speak as he walked towards you. "And ofcourse I agreed. As I said, you'll be in charge of the aesthetics. Your dream italianate house, then I'll be the one to sign as an engineer." You rolled your eyes on how he had his teasing face on.

You laid your head on his chest while your hands played with his. Jongdae and his habit of humming random songs in your hair as you traced random musings on his chest. Beads of sweat just starting to fade, breathing slowly returning to normal state, and you just let your ears take in his voice and the sound of his heart.

"This is something I could totally get used to." He said while brushing your hair with his fingers.

"Really?" You lazily answered.

"Think about what our future home could be like." Jongdae's strong hands landed firmly on your cheeks.

"Italianate, just right with a cozy feeling. Something that feels like a lazy sunday with its warmth. Not just a house, but a home." You said as you warp your hands over his body, bare skin to skin.

"Sounds just like us." He said smilingly as he slowly inched his lips towards your forehead. "Sounds perfectly like us."

"Looks like you're the one who easily forgets." Jongdae laughed, obviously teasing you a lot more. "I hope you remember what I said about what I like about having kitchen countertops--"

"Which are not what they're used for." You cut him off before he says things that are not meant to be talked about in a workplace. Turning your back against him, you put creamer and sugar in your freshly poured drink.

"I'm really surprised you remember those. I thought you just forget everything and leave." You decided to give a snark remark, not that you planned it. It just came out. So you decided to let out a little laugh in attempt to not make the conversation too serious, or one that you're not to engage in as of the moment.

"Is this about..." He started, his mocking demeanor that was once there earlier now changed into a serious, somber one.

"Nope. We're not talking about that, Engr. Kim." You said as you sipped through your hot coffee.

It was a lie, you wanted to talk about it. Know everything, the reasons, his excuses, made up or not. You just wanted to know what made him turn away completely and never look back. But this wasn't the time, and you wonder if it will ever be. Because to you, his name still carves a silent cut in your heart. One that will never heal, no matter how long it passes by.

But despite the emotional chaos it caused within you, Jongdae still felt like home. How you two worked well together as if your styles and work ethics just blended. Because it was how it supposed to be, as you formed your identities and dreams together. You found yourself still warming up to his laugh, his random touches wasn't an alien feeling. As if it was right, because that's how things used to be.

"You got it just right. But shouldn't be the interior beams placed a little bit lower and on a different degree?" You pointed out to the foreman beside you on the blueprint.

You've been working on Mr. Seo's house, or villa, or more appropriately mansion for over three months now.

"Engr. Kim told us that it could be a concern when we started laying the third floor. The beam will also need another support column, the one we're doing right now." And as if his intuition called him, Jongdae appeared beside you. His hands instinctively snaking behind your back as he explained the changes. You sighed in defeat, it has been started anyway.

"Looks like you and Engr. Kim are comfortable around each other." The foreman stated in a teasing tone, to which Jongdae smirked to.

"We came from the same college. We were friends back then." You defensively explained.

"Thought you might have been more than friends." He teased once more and Jongdae laughed awkwardly, "Actually.."

"Actually not." You said with a fake attempt of a smile. "I'll be at the tent if anyone needs me." And with that you walked off.

Weeks passed and you could feel a dynamic shift with you and Jongdae. From being friendly and familiar, it came back to being strictly professional. His hands were now nowhere near you, he would only talk to you when it concerns the project and nothing more.

But somehow now, you found yourself in his car. Because you came along with Mr. Seo in the site but left you there and now you're left with Jongdae to come back in the city.

"So, we were friends huh?" He broke off the silence. You peered over him, looking at his bland reaction illuminated by the soft cascade of sunset.

"Why, weren't we?" You retaliated.

"I mean, I just thought we were more than that." You avoided eye contact with him, and looked out of the window.

"I thought so too." You sighed. "But then again, I thought that maybe we weren't even friends at all."

"What?"

"Friends don't just leave without explanation." You tried to mask the pain in your voice. "Friends don't just leave you hanging, just avoid you when they don't feel like talking to you anymore. So if we're not friends, we certainly can't be more than that."

You heard him scoff.

"I'll just call myself your past time back then." You let out a laugh hinted with bitterness.

Jongdae called out your name. "It's not like that. It wasn't like that."

"Then tell me what it was, Jongdae. Tell me why you just fucking left me without any explanation and made me feel like shit and unworthy." Your voice cracking on the verge of tears. "Because I'm tired, of all these years thinking it was my fault."

"It wasn't your fault. At all." He said lowly.

"Then why? Was I too boring for you? Did you find someone prettier? Or you just realized I'm not worthy of neither your time nor a proper closure because all of that was how I felt." You broke down, tears started flowing from your eyes and you couldn't help it. These were the questions you were dying to ask for years on end. And now he was here, and the word was out of your mouth.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." That was all he mustered to say as he parked in front of the office building.

"I asked for an explanation, not your apology." With that, you left the car and walked towards yours.

The good thing was that your part of the project was close to finished. The interior architecture has been finalized, and no other revisions on the plan will be made. So all you needed to do was pay a few visits to the site to see the progress and you're good. It just diminishes the need to interact with Jongdae.

Then this night, as you were relaxing at your sofa and watching a movie you heard a knock on your door. You're not expecting anyone to drop by and it's just flat out weird to have someone by your door at 10 in the evening, specially on this age.

But it was weirder to see Jongdae holding a box of donuts, in his hoodie, when you opened the door. It almost seemed like deja vu. Your forhead knotted in confusion. You're sure that constant avoidance and an awkward atmosphere don't lead to that person knocking on your door on late night.

"What are you-" You trailed off when you realized you were only wearing a thin tank top and shorts that barely reach your thighs.

"Just like the old times?" He raised the box and gave a smile.

"We're not 19 anymore, 10 in the evening is considered late at this point Jongdae what do you want?" It came off as tired warning, almost a tone of indifference.

"To give you your well deserve reason and explanation." Jongdae pursed his lips after, seemingly waiting for your approval.

You just opened your door a bit more and let him in. He put down the box your table and removed his hoodie, just like he always did almost a decade ago.

"I don't know if strawberry sprinkles are still your favorite so I just got two of it and a little bit of everything." He said as he opened the box.

"You know how much of a sucker I am for strawberry sprinkles." You let a curve form on your lips as you reached out for a piece. You walked to your fridge and got a bottle of water which you also rested on the table. When you're both sat down, you looked at Jongdae as if you waited for him to speak.

"First of all, I was stupid." His elbows sat on the table and he clasped his hands together in front of his face.

"That's not an explanation, its a fact."

"No. You don't understand."

"Yeah that's why we're in this situation." You said dryingly.

"I was stupid, and didn't make the best decisions. I was graduating that term, and I got scared to leave you there. To have a hard time leaving the university because a piece of me was there." His knuckles rested on his lips.

"That still doesn't make sense to me." You said taking a sip of water.

"I know."

"You got scared to leave me, but you technically didn't stay either. You just cut me off."

"I can't say goodbye to you. I can't bring myself to say goodbye. To leave you. I got an early job offer a term before graduation. Which was extremely far away from you. Knowing myself, how much of a possesive, and jealous prick I was that time, I know it wouldn't work. I would just be paranoid of you going around the university without my arm around you making everyone know you were mine." You searched Jongdae's face of any signs that he was lying, because you knew when he did. But his face was painted with a mix of regret, of guilt, of pain.

"I know the more I stick with you, the harder it would be for me to leave. But you know I had to leave. And you, I couldn't see you cry when I say goodbye. It would break me. So I figured if I just slowly let you go, just go out of your life completely undetected, maybe it wouldn't be a problem. Maybe it was better to leave the last days of us happy then see us going down and crashing and burning. I wanted to leave a good memory, not something of pain."

"You're so fucking stupid." You said in disbelief. But it made perfect sense as the Jongdae you knew wasn't really the most rational with decisions.

"You think you didn't hurt me by doing that?" Your hand slammed against the table.

"I just... I really didn't know what I was thinking back then." A shimmer in his eyes was evident at this point.

"You never even reached out to me! Not a single call after, never." Tears started flowing out of your eyes. "I felt as if I was never important to you because you left me just like that."

"I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so stupid. I know." Jongdae walked over and hugged you. Your face on his chest, which you didn't even notice that you were hitting already.

"I was there on your graduation, I didn't want to ruin the day so I didn't approach you. You remember? Minseok and Baek was there. I asked them to give the flowers, and the necklace. That was the least I could do." You remembered the said pieces, and that definite day. How you searched for Jongdae when Minseok and Baekhyun approached but it turns out to be just the two of them.

You just started crying on his chest as he cradled you like a child. You were both on the floor by now, and you just let it out. All the pent up emotions you sickeningly tried to get rid off the past seven years.

"It would be selfish of me to ask for forgiveness. But please, give me another chance." He said as he lifted your chin to meet your eyes with his.

"You're so stupid." You remarked but you couldn't help but latch your lips onto his. Your bodies melting together, as if puzzle pieces that were meant to fit.

One thing lead to another, the next thing you knew you're both in your bed. Jongdae's touch was careful but he still knew the way around your body. The places that just flick like a button and make you writhe in pleasure. Every nook in your body that you liked attention in. Everything felt familiar, like every movement was engrained in your head and a muscle memory. He knew you too much for the seven years to even matter. Because right now, right on the afterglow, you're blisfully lying in his chest again. Jongdae humming a song that used to be your favorite back in college. And it just felt like home.

"I'm so sorry for causing you that much pain." He said as he brushed your hair again with his fingers.

"We're both naked in my bed now which kinda means you're forgiven." You laughed. It doesn't make any sense how the person you tried to forget in the past 7 years was now holding you again, bare skin to skin. And laughing as your breathing and heartbeats synced as one.

"7 years was a long time. I missed you. I missed you a lot. I missed you as if those 7 years were hell." You just smiled at his sweet nothings, it was habitual for him to be like this right after.

"Stop acting as if you didn't date others on those 7 years Jongdae." You joked. "They don't matter now. I'm back to you, I always belonged to you." You looked up at him and saw sincerity in his eyes. "Maybe you're the one who dated a lot, missy." You rolled your eyes.

"You're really one hell of a jealous prick."

"I'm pretty sure none of them was better than me." Jongdae remarked defensively.

"In closures? Oh God they were far better at that than you. But in bed..." You smirked teasingly.

"Well, we won't need any closure now. I'm sure as hell that I'm not ever letting you go." Jongdae whispered on your lips as he kissed you once more. And you sure won't either, as he was your home, one who you belonged to, no matter how far you go.

#exo fanfiction #exo imagine #exo scenario #jongdae #chen #jongdae imagine #jongdae fanfiction #jongdae scenario #chen imagine #chen fanfic #exo fanfic #jongdae fanfic #exo

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afarcryfromfine-blog · 5 years

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Chapter Two: “Bridge Troll”

Word Count: 1,146

Warnings: No Warnings

After my not so smooth greeting, and less than stellar cooking, my mom humored me and gave me some simple cooking tips, or so she says. Our conversation slowly faded into silence. My mom and I didn't talk much since I moved out. She'd always end up crying at some point. Not that I didn't, but she doesn't need to know that.

Thankfully she didn't question me more about the mysterious letter I'd received in the mail. She agreed to overnight it, and I've basically been hovering next to my mailbox since I got back. I probably look like I've done some sort of drugs for how coffee buzzed I was. The lack of sleep from studying most of the night, and then I got called into work about two hours after I'd finally gone to bed. But I was probably only sleeping for about forty-five minutes, and that’s if I was lucky. Some moron decided to pull a no-show. So they called the one person who is always up to take more hours. I didn't mean the 4 am hours. But as dad says, 'beggars can’t be choosy.' But, Jesus Christ; I do need some sleep. I also need the hours. I have to be able to cover rent in this damn town. Chicago is no joke dude. I live in a studio apartment and it costs more than a 3 bedroom back home. Almost a thousand a month. Thankfully my landlord gets that I'm on my own, busting my ass between work and college. So I get to pay my rent all month long. Just as long as I get it all in before the next cycle. Which- was almost impossible. I've lost so much weight. Probably too much weight. I basically live on coffee, sarcasm, and instant ramen. A college kid at their finest. But I digress. I sat on the steps of my apartment next to the mailboxes, with a coffee mug in one hand and my phone in the other. I had on my ‘oh in so much need of a wash’ hoodie, with my hair looking like I'd stuck my finger in a socket. I think I may have even spooked the neighbor’s cat when I turned my head after hearing her meowing at the 'stranger' that was me, on the stoop. The poor thing might have thought I was one of its hairballs come to life, with nothing but murder in my heart. Technically that wasn't all wrong. I was so damn tired, if someone dared to even think of being a dick to me right now, I’d chug my coffee and smash my mug on their head. Yeah. Bad mood. Finally, after about two hours of sitting there dozing off waiting on the mailman, I saw why it was taking so long. A new guy. And of all things, He was Chipper. Oh, this'll be good. I stood not caring that my hoodie reeked, I had coffee-stained teeth and probably would be mistaken for a troll that's lost its way going back to its bridge. "Good morni-" "Katrina Dawson- Apartment 2B. It should have been overnighted. Please-" I said sticking my hand out in his direction to which he looked at it back at me and, believe it or not- had the nerve to smile and resume his thoughts- "How are you today Miss?" he asked taking his sweet time digging through his mailbag. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Look," I started. Oh, common girl, he's new- don't do this to him on his first day. Oh, but my lack of sleep was far more than my manners at this point. "I am a full-time college student, I work full time, I hardly have time to eat and sleep, worst of all I-" "Ah! Here it is! Ohh-" he cooed, "What language is this? It's very pretty!" I was boiling at this point. Stomping down the stoop snatching my very important letter out of his hands. "O eoseo!"(Oh, Come On!) I managed to mutter-somehow not screaming at him in English. "Oh- sorry!" he still held that same annoying smile. I sighed after having the letter in my hands, instantly recognizing the scribbly handwriting in Hangeul. I glanced up to the mailman who was putting mail in the other boxes. "2A is a witch, put everything in relating to size, like bigger shit on the bottom. That's probably why you have this route. She tried to beat the other mailman with her cane." I gave him a simple wave. I mean, I know I just snapped at him- but shit, he was two hours late; and then could clearly see I wasn't sane. I wasn't sorry either. But I didn't want 2A to go after him, she's completely off her rocker. Chicago does things to a person. Once I'd gotten up to my apartment and settled on the small sofa bed. I looked the letter over. I smiled as I flipped it overseeing the little cartoon doodle that looked to be peeking out from under the flap. I tore into it carefully. As I unfolded the paper, I was greeted with something I hated. "Oh-my god. I'm gonna kill him." I grumbled as a mass of rainbow glitter dumped in my lap. I gave up and looked at the letter. There were numerous pages. The first page basically read with 'Hey, I know it's been longer than we'd planned.' followed by a load of apologies. I read on to find the reason; "After you left, things got really busy and I couldn't write you. I wanted to! I just couldn't." I could tell he was actually remorseful for not writing me. "Anyway- I have some cool news- but oh! I've got a cell phone again- My number is- +82-555-0011-1234!" It was followed by some weird babble that kinda loses its amusement in translation. The other pages were random writings that were dated months ago. He'd been writing but wasn't allowed to send anything. Some of them had things like "Oh my gosh remember when you tried octopus for the first time!? You looked green!" or "I was cleaning up the dorm and I found that other green sock you lost. I guess we have mice cause there's a hole in the toe...?" I blushed reading that- that damn sock. It was from my favorite pair of socks. They probably did have mice, but the hole was from me wearing them so much. Memories upon memories filled the pages, and him just wondering how I was. I got teary-eyed. I didn't have international texting so I got on Skype and entered the number. I paused for a moment. "It's been a year. What do I even say..?" I pondered aloud. I got up and grabbed my good headphones and plopped on the couch. Here goes!

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Hey, I hope you’re enjoying thus far! Please always give feedback to fanfiction authors, because that's why we stop updating! We feel unloved and like it’s not worth it unless we get some type of feedback. Please reblog, and ALWAYS like if you took the time to read it, whats 3 more seconds to like and reblog.

#Chapter Two #I Want More #Monsta X #Lee Jooheon #Jooheon #Monsta X Jooheon #Jooheoney #Monsta X Fanfiction #afarcryfromfine

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takaraphoenix · 5 years

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Shadowhunters Finale Review

...I can’t even summarize my thoughts properly right now because I am just so wildly exhausted and disappointed and frustrated, so here’s the unfiltered running commentary I made during the two-parter, sorted by characters and due to length beneath the cut:

On Jonathan:

Jonathan back at it again, killing flowers. ~puuure eeeviiil~ (Sorry. Still not over Jocelyn being a fucking dickhead who is ready to murder her son over one dead flower he killed as a toddler...)

...I just... I'm so tired of what they did with Jonathan? When they set him up as Sebastian Verlac, he seemed to layered, but this season, they are completely reducing him to the Incest Boi whose only motivation is “Clary doesn't love me enough!” and absolutely no one has even half a fuck to give about everything he has suffered...? Every abuse that is driving him and forged him...?

He could have been such a layered character. I'm not even talking redemption wise, to use the abuse to make him A Good Boi, but he could have been such an interesting villain, there could have been so much to him. This is stupid and sad.

But I am chocking on my laughter at the Seelie Queen literally teaching him WHAT HE COULDA BEEN TAUGHT FROM THE GET GO. To channel his powers. Granted, she channels them into killing Shadowhunters. But they could have been channeled into killing demons.

With the right parent, the right training, without living in hell and being tortured, he could have been an exceptional Shadowhunter. But let's pretend that he is Truly Inherently Evil only because of his demon blood and hey it's legit because he wants to bang his sister so who cares about this guy LOL.

HOLY SHIT THEY REALLY MADE CLARY MURDER HIM WITH A HUG. What a fucking way to go. I don't... I don't even know what to say to that to be honest.

On Clary:

WHAT THE FUCK HAS SHE DONE??

“How do I come back after everything I've done”. What. What line is that. That's the line they could have given Jace in the first episode of 3B. You know, the guy who saw his own body commit 30+ murders, among them the murder of his own grandmother.

What... What's that everything Clary has done? Dress hotter than usual? Go to a rave? Try some Seelie drugs? Sure she killed Lenaia, but that was also a chick she didn't even know and so far she's not been very traumatized by like – killing her own biological father (seriously, the writers never bothered to give her a genuine reaction to that). Way to be overdramatic, writers.

Shitty Ex Machina Rune's existence aside; WHY does the Ex Machina Rune work?? RUNES DON'T WORK ON DOWNWORLDERS. That was like a whole thing in season 1. They kill mundies and they don't work on Downworlders?? Why the fuck is Clary allowed to play – not just an angel but an actual god at this point.

(But y'all know I am going to use this shitty dumb stupid rune in so many fanfiction.)

...But like holy shit. It is so callous to have her say that she wouldn't trade the Shadow World for anything and that “and I met Jace” like he brought all light into her life when the Shadow World killed her mother. Have the writers just completely forgotten that a month ago she lost her mother, her only biological family left?? Ah but it's totally fine because she has Jace now!!! And even though we literally started the episode off with her being devastated and wondering how she will ever come back after everything she has done, they are now only half an hour later already forgetting that she has just gone through major trauma, that she murdered her own father, that she lost her mother? But oh the Shadow World is super awesome, wouldn't wanna trade those past two, utterly traumatizing months for anything!!! Not even for my mom being alive LOL! Just... do the writers even care about the characters? At all?

HOLY FUCKING GODS THEY REMEMBERED JOCELYN. FUCK THIS IS RIDICULOUS ESPECIALLY AFTER HER CONVERSATION WITH SIMON IN EDOM. I am baffled. But I am 100% behind Jocelyn's message because Clary has been a scary motherfucker all this season now with all the things she has done and the rule-breaking. Fuck yeah she shouldn't be allowed to play God, which she DOES at this point.

But like, on a scale of 1 to 10 how dumb did they have to make Clary? Out of all of the ways she could have killed Jonathan, they decided “Nah man she is totally giving up her Shadowhunter self to hug her brother to death” instead of having Miss Stabby-Stab-Stab pull out a dagger and stab him to death? She literallly just got the warning and decides “LOL nope this is how I go out”. What---

There is a huge difference between a character sacrificing themselves for the greater good because there was 100% no other way and a character somehow turning a completely manageable situation into a self-sacrifice that is completely unnecessary... She could have just stabbed him. Or, you know, captured him with a trick instead of murdering. She could have stayed a Shadowhunter without using the Deus Ex Machina runes, living like a normal Shadowhunter. But they really made her go “If I can't play god, I'd rather give up the Shadow World”.

What the fuck even was that “One Year Later”. They literally just wasted a whole year since C/ace reuniting had zero negative effect on her? She didn't combust or anything. They could have literally went after her the day of the wedding, explained amnesia to her and brought her back. But the writers had to be dramatic bitches that put Jace through hell again, huh.

And what exactly did she believe happened? Like, Jocelyn and Luke and Simon?? Basically everyone she ever knew? What did she think happened to them and to herself? She just decided to go back to art school or what? Did they even think about this ending?

Honestly. It'd have been better had they actually Donna Nobled her and said she can never remember and has to be a mundie. But this? This year gap and bullshit and C/ace looking at each other and she suddenly remembers his name because True Love Wins? That makes it even dumber.

On Jace & Meliorn: (I'm trying to give each character their own for the finale, but... I can't separate those two in this case)

THAT STARTLED LITTLE BACKING OFF JACE DOES WHEN MELIORN TAKES IT TO THE BEDROOM. If that wasn't a coming on from Meliorn, I don't know what is. I am definitely living for this little bit of Jeliorn because that was a ship I was sure I'd never get to see proper interactions of. So, small blessings.

Hng. Jace can't lie. How pretty. Seriously his bond with Meliorn is like the saving grace from all of this. And how much fun Meliorn is having with this. Oh my gods my shipper heart is soaring.

SERIOUSLY I AM LIVING FOR THIS. “A serious question. How handsome do you think I am?” WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK THAT. Because you want to let my shipper-heart beat some. Thank you, Meliorn, personally, for my life. (Not to mention the answer. A NINE?? Jace. You so pansexual and into handsome Downworlders. It's canon now and I am blessed.)

I'm just absolutely living for Jace getting to interact with a non-Clary and a non-Alec (especially since all of his Alec-interactions this half-season have only been about Ma/ec...). It's... so refreshing to see them use Jace as... a character... instead of a prop. Even if he's played as a comic relief, I am taking so much more from this.

(ALSO: Jimon sparring! Jimon sparring and JACE BOOPING SIMON'S NOSE WHAT THE FUCK.)

On Alec:

What's with Maryse telling him to “take time to mourn”? What the fuck is that? XD He has literally been in Edom and gone back too. There's always been ways in and out. You're sure fast to bury him.

But also, maybe Alec should focus on the way to bring Magnus back instead of planning this fucking stupid wedding. You'd need your groom first.

Tonight. They're literally... I am weeping at how stupid this is. They got engaged yesterday and are getting married today. I had... actual, dumb hopes that the wedding would happen after a time skip. But I forgot this show doesn't know what time is. Ahahaha. Hilarious.

But holy shit am I angry about him being all dodgy and asking Maryse's permission to invite his own father to his wedding. Like. I am very rationally angry about the fact that all the kids sided with their abusive mother over their father, but that they are really all just treating him like that now is insane. Sure, he cheated on their mother, but he is still their father?? He has still been their father and he has been the good parent. If you can forgive Maryse's abuse just like that, how do you hold Robert cheating on Maryse over him like that? This is absolutely insane. What kind of priorities do those writers have to fuck it up this badly? Like the “oh no dad cheated on you let us all comfort you and totally forget the shitty way you have been treating your children!!!” wasn't bad enough on its own, but that they are completely acting like Robert was not just the cheating husband but somehow also the bad parent now? If this is where the show wanted to end it, they should have from the get-go also written him as the bad parent and her as the good parent, then I'd understand this, I'd understand the taking sides thing, the way they all completely turned away from Robert, the way Maryse blossomed and turned into an entirely different character. That ALL would make sense IF they hadn't decided in the first season and in 2B to write Robert as the warm rather and Maryse as the cold and abusive mother. The starting points and end points don't match.

On Magnus:

Magnus. On that throne. In that light. Now that's a look, to be honest.

Also, awkward conversations with the stepmother are very amusing. :D” (But, honestly, Anna and Harry playing off each other is really great. They play the power-dynamic really fascinating.)

Magnus being like “Well no need to close the door if we burn down the place right?” is a mood. It's so stupid and ridiculous, but like it's right. XD”

I'm glad Magnus at least said thank you to Lorenzo and even invited him to the wedding.

I genuinely don't know how to react to “High Warlock of Alicante” to be honest. Like. I don'T know what to say to that.

On Maia:

...I'd like to live in the alternate reality where Maia was more than just her relationships to boys. I'm still let down by the fact that the one (1) badass shot she got in the trailer was literally her walking away from Jordan's funeral fire, with her other ex and her future boyfriend flanking her from either side. If that doesn't summarize this show, I don't know what does.

And while I admire her decision to reconnect with her parents, it also seems rather messed up considering she literally just decided to be The Alpha. So let's leave the pack that has suffered so many recent losses... all alone. That's... not exactly Alpha behavior, even if it is the right thing for her as an individual at that point.

I mean like yeah sure she came back to become an Alpha, but still it's—a weird choice.

BAT BAT EXISTS BAT IS THERE I LOVE BAT HE GOT TO SPEAK. I am so so salty that he didn't get developed properly, that his relationship with Maia didn't get fully fleshed out.

On Isabelle & Simon:

Isabelle as the Human Torch is sure a very nice visual, to be honest.

(ALSO HELEN! HELEN! HELEN! I am 200% sure I can ship Aline/Helen/Isabelle in peace now. Don't @ me.) Though explain to me why Helen doesn't get the fuck away from Isabelle ASAP after realizing that Downworlders turn Isabelle into basically a bomb? I mean, she is half-Seelie.

...and can everyone maybe focus on “Izzy now catches fire when she is touching Downworlders” instead of “SHE WAS KISSING SIMON!!!”...? Like, priorities, dudes?

And how did she conclude “I explore when I touch demon blood. I should totally go to Edom! The place where demons live!”... and act like that should totally “”shield”” her from the atmosphere? What... logic goes into that? I'm serious, someone explain to me why “I explode when I come in contact with demonic stuff” leads to “but I'ma be extra safe in hell where all demonic things live and the very atmosphere should be demonic!!!”...

And Simon and Isabelle... kiss once... like... literally once and the next time they get a moment of being shown alone they literally already fucked. This show... knows that... you can actually go on dates and have a relationship with... oh no never mind this show has never heard the word “pacing” before I forgot sorry LOL

On Luke:

...But like why did his runes return though. I mean, getting turned into a Downworlder like... burned the runes away. They were gone. Why would him no longer being a Downworlder also immediately reapply all of his runes.

I don't know if I really like this, to be quite honest. I don't feel like we know enough about Luke for me to know what to feel about this? Like, he said he didn't want to be alpha and he's been turned against his will sure, but he's been a wolf for like 20 years now. It's... I don't know what to feel on this. Like, he seems really happy about this, but it also feels incredibly cheap due to the show never actually focusing on his thoughts and feelings??

Okay no now that I'm through with it I actually actively hate it. He should have become mundie. Erase it all. Let him live a mundie life with Clary.

On Lorenzo:

I love how Lorenzo brings up the Downworld Council. SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT TOO. What the fuck happened to that. But nope, SoRrY Lorenzo you are just here to save Magnus. Again. (Others too, but still. It's once again for selfish reasons of helping the Shadowhunters with shit.)

I really like where they took his character. I thought he was just going to be a shallow prop to take Magnus down. Petty and empty. But that they actually give him growth and personality and a personal goal and that they also made him rekindle with Magnus after admitting what he truly wants? That was... actually good. That was more than I ever expected from those writers. Huh.

ALSO FUCK ME I AM 100% BEHIND LORENZO/UNDERHILL.

On Max:

MAAAAX!!! MAX WITH GLASSES! MAX BEING PRECIOUS! He is literally the only thing about episode 22 that I liked. Like that entire final episode was a fucking shit-show.

On Raphael:

Honestly at this point just fuck this show. It is his father’s wedding and he is a mundane. But let’s just have him interact with his ex and her new guy so he can give them his blessing instead of having him actually interact with Magnus.

#Shadowhunters #Shadowhunters Spoilers #Shadowhunters Review

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travllingbunny · 5 years

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The 100 rewatch: 4x06 We Will Rise

We’re almost at the half point of season 4, and at the point where season 4 starts getting much better. This is not one my top episodes of the season, but it’s pretty solid.

Again, we follow three plots in three locations: drama in the severely damaged Arkadia, where a lot of angry people want to kill Ilian for destroying their hope of finding shelter from Praimfaya, while Octavia, Kane, Jaha and Monty react to this in different ways; the road trip with Clarke, Bellamy and Roan, who are on the mission to bring incredibly important barrels of hydrazine to Becca’s lab, to make it possible to go to space and synthesize Nightblood; character drama in Becca’s lab, where is Raven struggling with her mental state and trying to make the trip to space possible, with a focus on the development of relationships with Murphy and Luna. We also see how, even in the face of the imminent disaster/end of the world, people still continue with their stupid wars between clans and screw up chances for everyone to get saved.

The episode continues right where the previous one ended, during the night, as Jaha is watching Arkadia burn. What used to be Ark is severely damaged and, while half of it can still be used as living quarters, it’s useless as a shelter from radiation. Jaha is calm and looking at the Second Dawn logo that they’ve found in the bunker. He obviously believes that there must be another bunker and that he will find it, as aAt the end of the episode, he says the Second Dawn motto “From the ashes, we will rise”,

After waking up in a bed she shared with Niylah that night, Clarke is looking at her drawing of Lexa (the one she drew in 3x06), which she has put on the wall in her room, Niylah seems completely OK with being just a temporary rebound friend with benefit for Clarke. She also starts comforting Clarke by telling her things like, Lexa lives through her, she is doing good things trying to save everyone, and Lexa also wanted unity of all etc. These lines feel really forced and weird: why is Niylah telling Clarke what Lexa would have wanted? How would she even know? She’s talking as if she had been her family member or close friend or associate. Clarke knew Lexa, while Niylah was a trader who lived far from Polis, she probably never even got to see the Commander, let alone ever talk to her. Now, it makes perfect sense to have Clarke think of Lexa, who died less than a month ago, but these references feel really forced – it feels like writers are trying a bit too hard to insert some positive references to Lexa in order to appease her fans, so they have different characters talk to Clarke about how great Lexa was (for the second episode in a row)– even if that doesn’t actually make sense for these characters, and even though it’s at the expense of Clarke’s character: Clarke was a strong leader who was trying to save everyone way before she met Lexa, and the idea of Lexa as Clarke’s moral compass doesn’t match their actual relationship (if anything, it was the opposite – and Lexa’s decision in the days leading up to her death, to stop the cycle of violence which everyone now seems to admire her for, as something she did at Clarke’s suggestion and that everyone around her ascribed to Clarke’s influence). By comparison, I don’t have any problem with the show’s mentions of Lexa post-season 4, which have been much more faithful to what actually happened in season 2b and 3a.

But disregarding the actual lines, what strikes me most about the scene is that Niylah’s general attitude and especially the way she talks to Clarke come off as almost…motherly, which is, obviously, weird. But I guess Clarke, at the moment, just needs someone caring and undemanding to give her comfort, human touch and some casual sex, without asking anything from her. I don’t think she is at the emotional state, at this point, for a real romantic relationship with anyone – and who can blame her, after how tragic her love life has been? Stronger feelings are dangerous and can lead to pain and loss. But she does care about Niylah enough to make sure she has a good chance of surviving, so she tells her to stay in Arkadia so she would be sure to be among the people who got the Nightblood treatment early. Niylah has been surprisingly chill about the way Clarke broke her trust in 3x11, but I guess she’s generally not a person who holds grudges, and her feelings for Clarke were probably more like an infatuation with a celebrity, without any expectations of a real relationship. Oddly enough, this is just the fourth time that Clarke has had sex with anyone, as far as we know (and Niylah is the one person she’s had sex with twice –due to circumstances, she only got to have sex once with each of her romantic partners, Finn and Lexa), and the last time in all 5+ seasons so far (what with the whole, being stuck on a deserted planet with a child and a radio as only companions for 6 years thing).

Before leaving on her mission, Clarke has a nice talk with Kane, her unofficial stepfather, about Abby’s upcoming mission, since Clarke is going to see her mother, while Kane is staying in Arkadia to make sure everything is fine. They even hug, and this is one of the very few times that we see these characters interacting one on one.

Surprise, surprise, there are again hostilities between Azgeda and Trikru have again. Roan’s army is returning from Arkadia, but they found the time to burn Trikru villages on their way which Roan apparently hasn’t done anything to stop. Bellamy brings it up, but Roan just shuts him up with “That’s funny, coming from you”, Because, apparently, “You did bad things in the past you feel sorry for, this justifies the crap I’m doing right now” is such a great argument?

Bellamy goes to check out on Octavia, who’s in the med bay, and tries to have a normal conversation and tell her that he he thought she was dead, but Octavia is still doing her “I hate you and cannot forgive you” thing, now with less physical violence but in an even more dramatic fashion, telling him that “Octavia is dead” and blaming him for it, saying she died “when you killed Lincoln”. Huh, so that’s the story now, she’s somehow decided that he killed Lincoln? And she also tells him that the fact he is her brother is only reason she hasn’t killed him.

Ilian is also in med bay, after being beaten up by an angry mob, which only left after Kane threatened them with a gun and made them leave. (The scene made Niylah exclaim: ‘We’re not so different after all” – probably referring to the fact that Sky people really are just another clan who believe in ‘Blood must have blood’ just like those she knows.) Now he’s surrounded by guards, but the angry mob is assembling and listening to the speech of a man who seems to be their leader. Angry mobs often get to be the antagonist in this show, but it’s nice to see that, for once, we get to see their point of view and humanize them. The man blames Ilian for the fact that his five year old son will not have a shelter from radiation, and he also clearly has a wrong idea about Ilian’s motives, believing that destroying Arkadia was a hate crime targeting Sky people. They aren’t aware that he was in fact on a tech-destroying rampage caused by ALIE-related trauma and clueless about the consequences.

On the other hand, Octavia knows, but doesn’t care. When Ilian says he didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and that he didn’t kill anyone, she points out that he kind of has killed them all, and adds some dramatic dark lines such as “The sword doesn’t care what you meant, it just cuts”. She doesn’t seem really angry over Arkadia or looking for revenge – like in Polis, she is in her dark state of mind and uses violence as a way to unload or numb her pain. Later, when the mob comes to kill Ilian, and his guards conveniently leave, Octavia tells their leader that they can beat him up, but she gets to kill him. The first time I watched season 4, my first thought about her relationship with Ilian in this episode was “oh god, she’s found a new punching bag”. She can beat the crap out of Bellamy, but she won’t kill him because he’s her brother, but she can kill Ilian. It was one of the bigger surprises of this season when this relationship later turned to something more positive.

Earlier, Monty tried to prevent the lynching, by talking to Jaha to convince him to intervene. He mentions the time when they lynched Murphy for supposedly killing Wells - Jaha is clearly upset by another mention of his son’s death – and, as Jaha seems reluctant to intervene, says his son would be ashamed of him, but Jaha is in fact planning to get involved. When the mob goes after Ilian, Kane again does his best to stop them, pulling a gun again against the mob, but David Miller knocks him out, maybe worried that it could end with Kane dead or injured, or Kane shooting into the crowd. However, Jaha gets the crowd to leave by alarming them falsely about supposed radioactive rain (“black rain”), but Octavia is still there, and about to kill Ilian. Monty tries to talk her down, telling her: “You are not a murderer” – which is a bad tactic that doesn’t succeed, because she is a murderer. I don’t know how much Monty knows about her recent actions. But Kane finds a way to get to her – by pointing the obvious parallel between Lincoln’s death and what she’s about to do with Ilian. The parallel is really obvious, it may a bit too on the nose parallels - Ilian is on his knees and tied up, at the same place Lincoln was when Pike shot him. Octavia finally has a strong emotion about what she has become, throws away the gun, and runs away crying, leaving Arkadia to go roam around, while Kane is calling after her. He lets Ilian go.

Meanwhile, Clarke, Bellamy and Roan are on their road trip/mission with three of Roan’s men and barrels of hydrazine that need to be delivered in exactly that quantity. Roan gets to show his snarky side in this episode and has something almost like a buddy cop dynamic with both Bellamy and Clarke.

The convoy runs into some Trikru people who had been attacked by Azgeda, and ask Clarke to help an injured old man. She st ops to try to save him, but chaos ensues as a child sees Roan and three other Azgeda warriors in the back of the truck. Trikru and Azgeda have been at war, in spite of officially being a part of the same coalition, pretty much all the time, and Sky people have found themselves awkwardly on various sides of that conflict.

They separate at one point when Roan and Bellamy are in a rover while Clarke is with the three Azgeda guys and the cargo,but they lose radio contact with her and go back, only to find out that someone has disappeared with a cargo. Hydrazine can be used to build bombs, and they think Trikru stole the cargo to build bombs against Azgeda. There is a dead body wrapped in a cloth, and there’s a moment when Bellamy thinks the dead body is Clarke, before seeing it is Roan’s right hand man. It turns out that the two of Roan’s men killed the third one and stole the barrels to use it for weapons. There’s a fight and Roan has a superhero slow-motion shot when he jumps from one car to another and then fights one of the traitors.

They take the cargo back, but then it turns out that one of the barrels got pierced by a Trikru arrow, which means disaster – they won’t have enough hydrazine to go to space.

But before they find that out in a cliffhanger ending, there are some nice character moments. At one point, while it’s just Roan and Bellamy in a rover and Clarke is not there, Roan tells Bellamy that everyone is doing things for their people, except maybe Clarke – she is the only one trying to save everyone. That’s interesting, because he claimed the exact opposite an episode ago when he talked to Clarke, but he was bullshitting that time. Maybe he is sincere this time.

Clarke and Roan also have a friendly moment where Clarke tells Roan he’s a good king, and Roan has a “what is it all for” moment where he wonders if things will always be like that even if they are saved – if everyone will just continue killing each other. Well, that’s one of the big themes of the show.

Just a note: Bellamy has been feeling guilty and trying to redeem himself for 1.5 seasons for participating in the killing of 300 Trikru warriors that was ordered by Pike, and everyone is constantly reminding him of that. But Roan ordered his warriors to kill a bunch of Trikru warriors without warning just one or two days ago, and now hasn’t made any attempts to stop them from attacking Trikru villages. He may be ruminating about the cycle of violence, but he doesn’t seem to feel guilty, Clarke calls him a good king, and no one ever talks about it, not in the show and not in the fandom. This double standard is in line with how the show usually operates. In general, protagonists get the harshest treatment on The 100 and are always feeling guilty and getting called out on anything bad they do, and have to redeem themselves all the time. Clarke is the main character, so she gets that the most, and Bellamy gets that a lot, too, but supporting characters mostly don't. Currently, there is a lot of anger in the fandom because of the way Clarke is being treated at the start of season 6 by the narrative and other characters, but many people think it’s because Jason Rothenberg favors Echo over Clarke – when really, it’s because main characters like Clarke and Bellamy, and now Octavia, are important enough to have a story; the show focuses on them and their arcs, we see them feeling guilty and making efforts to make amends. But supporting characters get far less attention and story/development (e.g. we don't see much of Echo's development because she's mostly been a plot device and hasn't gotten much story of her own).

Bellamy and Clarke get another beach scene with a meaningful moment, before they separate, as they usually do at least once a season (this time, Clarke is going to help Abby and bring the hydrazine, and Bellamy is returning to Arkadia). Similarly to the night beach scene in 3x13, Bellamy confides in Clarke about his problems with Octavia, how she keeps treating him badly but he keeps coming back trying to change her mind. He calls himself pathetic. Clarke again tries to comfort him, telling him Octavia will change her mind. But the way she talks to him makes it seem like she’s talking about something else, not his relationship with Octavia. She tells him “she’ll see how special you are” – which doesn’t even sound like something she’d really say about his sister. I kind of think that characters talking about how “special” someone is, is kind of a trite line, but that line has been used a few times Lexa said it about Clarke in season 3, and Clarke said it about Lexa in 3x14. Hmm, interesting, people have just used it to talk about those they were in love with. But let’s not assume too much, maybe this scene was meant to be about platonic friendship and nothing more… in which case, it failed really badly at that, since Clarke is very obviously checking out Bellamy while telling him “how special you are”. (Either that or… I don’t know? Did she suddenly decide to carefully inspect the combat gear he’s always wearing, and had to look it up and down just in that moment?) Then there’s a teasing moment where Bellamy starts telling Clarke something important, prefacing it with “If I don’t see you again,,” but Clarke cuts him off, saying he will, because she refuses to even think about the possibility of goodbye. Then they got interrupted by Roan, with the important news, so Bellamy never gets to finish. Fans have naturally speculated a lot as to what he was about to tell her. Contrary to some opinions, I don’t think he meant to say something too obviously romantic – not at that point, because I don’t think he was ready to go into that direction any more than Clarke was, while he was so consumed with the drama with his sister, and just a couple of weeks after he heard Clarke say she loved Lexa. I think he was going to tell her something similar to what Clarke told him in 4x13 – something about how much she meant to him. This scene was paralleled with the one in 4x13, where Clarke started telling Bellamy something important and led with “If something happens to me”, and Bellamy cut her off the same way, because he couldn’t bear the idea that she may die. Only that time, they were not interrupted again and she could finish.

In Becca’s lab, Raven is angry and desperate, because all her attempts at creating conditions for a successful launch into space keep failing, and the simulation shows that everyone would die. Meanwhile, Murphy is making sarcastic comments, as always, but Raven gets furious and starts telling him he is the worst, in a really harsh way.

Luna comforts Raven in what is a strangely intimate scene for two people who have only known each other for a couple of days at most, singing her a song, and then tries to comfort Murphy, explaining that Raven is saying those things just because of her deteriorating mental state, This is Luna at her best – the Luna that is caring, compassionate, and a pacifist. Murphy thinks Raven really hates him, because he crippled her. As usual, he has some fun sarcastic comments, such as “You are the new Raven-sitter” (after Sinclair. I guess). Luna tells him that he can find peace, since even she has managed to find it – in spite of having been raised to be a killed, and having killed her own brother. Sadly, in four episodes, or just a few days in-universe, it will turn out that she hasn’t actually made peace – just tried to convince herself of it. Luna says she wouldn’t like to be the last person on Earth, and Murphy sarcastically replies that it seems like a good prospect. The irony here is off the charts – Murphy is saying those cynical, nihilistic things as a defense mechanisms, but Luna is the one who will eventually try to make it happen.

Murphy trying to learn Grounder speech is the funniest thing: somehow a sentence Luna said (“I give myself to the miracle of the sea”) became something that would mean “I creep on myself for the miracle of horny mistake”.

Raven eventually finds the solution, somewhat helped remark by Luna, but the news about the lost barrel of hydrazine means it’s pointless (or at least it seems that way right now), and she has another seizure.

Timeline: This episode starts shortly after the end of 4x05, during the night, and takes place on the day after. In 4x02, it was 9 days since the beginning of season 4, 4x03 was a day or maybe 2 after, 4x04 not long after (since they decided at the end of 4x03 to go to Becca’s lab – a day after, tops), so this should be taking place about two weeks after the start of season 4.

Body count:

Old Trikru man, who died after being injured by Azgeda during their attack on one of the villages

Azgeda warrior Seiku and two guards from Arkadia, killed by the Azgeda traitors

The two Azgeda traitors, one stabbed by Roan, the other shot by Bellamy

Rating: 8/10

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thedrunkenminstrel · 6 years

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Malk’s top ten ships

So @parttimebetawarrior did it and I’m nothing if not a copy-cat so I decided to be a pain in the butt and write a thing about my favorite fictional ships. Come to me tomorrow and this list will probably change and jumble around, but they’re still relationships I love from stories that helped me out.

So check it out if you want.

10)Yukiteru Amano/Yuno Gasai

Future Diary has a lot, and I mean a lot of problems. The girls are all fetishized to an uncomfortable degree, and a lot of the diary powers only make sense upon multiple readings viewings, and there are points of it that are just interesting drags.

But the relationship between Yuki and Yuno, as deeply unhealthy as it is (deliberately so) is a fascinating story of two terrible people falling in love. Do either of them deserve love? Maybe not? Does love make them better? Absolutely not. But they still need it in a world that has been cruel and awful to them, and maybe that’s the only thing that matters. Especially to a pair of broken, horny teens.

Plus they actually bang, and when was the last time that happened in a manga?

9)Rock/Revy from Black Lagoon

Two for two in unhealthy ships. Revy is a gunslinging berserker who has never known a peaceful life and Rock is a brilliant but repressed office worker who gets dragged into the crime-ridden streets of Roanapour. It’s a classic story of people from different worlds coming together like you see in movies like Titanic or Romeo & Juliet.

What makes Rock and Revy different though? Well, violence honestly, and each character’s relationship to it. Revy both disdains Rock’s previously peaceful lifestyle and is envious of it. She respects and even loves Rock in her own broken way, but can’t get over his naivete and his privilege that keeps him from understanding why she would do something like graverob. Rock knows he should be horrified and disgusted by what Revy does, but finds her and her way of life incredibly seductive.

8) Shirou Emiya/Rin Tohsaka from Fate/Stay Night

Yeah yeah, I’m tsundere-loving trash, what do you want from me? These two are great together though, and they compliment each other both in a relationship and combat, and it’s fun to see Shirou’s cool-headedness and dumbass bluntness bounce of the much more self-aware and insecure Rin.

And they respect one another, though for Shirou that respect takes some earning. There’s a journey here of both of them learning and becoming better people, as they fight through the insanely complicated world of Fate. Plus, Shirou grows up to Archer. He ages well. Good going, Rin.

7) Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams from the Addams Family

Ah finally, a healthy one. They’re creepy and they’re kooky, mysterious and spooky, they’re a functioning family unit. For all the weirdness of the Addams and how much people are freaked out by them, they’re undeniably healthy: endlessly loving and romantic to each other and equally doting on their… less healthy children. They do them and they’re happy, especially when they’re doing each other, and that’s what a good relationship’s all about.

6) Kobayashi/Tohru from Dragon Maid

Another anime with a lot of problems, namely in its loli and shota shit, but the relationship between Kobayashi and Tohru is something that makes the show more than worth it.

People argue about the sexualities of the character so I’m just going to say that I see Tohru as a lesbian and Kobayashi as bi. Much like the Addams, what makes this relationship work for me is the combination of the fantastic and the domestic. Tohru is a dragon with cosmic powers that cooks steak for her career woman girlfriend, and despite being a bit of a grump, Kobayashi is fascinated and engaged with Tohru, even though Tohru needs to learn to turn it down. There is a genuine tenderness to the relationship and a message of not just understanding each others’ differences, but learning to love them.

5) Peter Parker/Mary Jane from Spider-man

Okay, this relationship has been through its rough patches: retcons, a miscarriage, and that godawful ‘smoker’ subplot, but there’s a reason people keep going to these two: They work so well together.

People say Gwen Stacey is the best Spider-man girl, but they forget that Gwen’s hatred of Spider-man kept her from ever being able to love Peter Parker in his fullness and kept Peter from being able to be honest with her, but Mary Jane is the one who could take Spider-man and Peter Parker as a whole, noble, messed-up package.

Peter Parker, the self-obsessed nerd and Mary Jane the empathic party girl complement and teach each other. Mary Jane can understand and be there for Peter in a way others can’t, and Peter can bring the quiet intimacy she can never have in her life, though admittedly that comes with the stress of a superhero husband.

4) 2B/9S from Nier: Automata

And back to my horrifically unhealthy ships. Nier: Automata’s a heavy game, dealing with existentialism and the cycle of violence. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked these two to death time and time again, but I love repeating myself so:

2B and 9S are creatures created for violence to do violence, specifically for a repetitive, cyclical war and have been defined by that their whole life. Through that entire thing, what have they had except for themselves? When you factor in the violence and resentment that has a weird parallel with a lot of real life relationships, you get something that feels raw and violent, but nonetheless filled with love and pain. That’s what the world is after all: it’s cruel and filled with pain and everyone is going to hurt you, even the one most important to you. But there’s hope and there’s love and we can keep going for that.

3) Kraft Lawrence/Holo The Wisewolf from Spice & Wolf

Spice & Wolf gets a reputation which, while not entirely undeserved, has more to do with its marketing than the content of the show. It was a show that surprised me so much the first time I watched it. I didn’t realize a romance show could be like this. I didn’t know fantasy shows could be like this. I didn’t know anime could be like this. It was so down-to-earth and subdued and, despite its fantastic setting, real.

Then there’s Lawrence and Holo. While Holo’s definitely a magical girlfriend who comes out of nowhere, it avoids the anime cliches. She doesn’t bring Lawrence into a world of adventure or save him, but rather they enter a partnership, and in the most brutal terms, that is what a relationship is. It’s a level of maturity that permeates the relationship that I love. There is friction and dire points, and the characters screw up, but in understandable ways, and they work to amend it. The anime isn’t above some ‘hurr durr I walked in on her naked’ nonsense, but the two handle it like adults rather than like overactive cartoon characters. Lawrence himself will also actually flirt back with Holo and comment on her ‘nice tail’ ho ho ho. It’s nice to see a male lead in an anime that’s somewhere between completely agency-less and a predatory creep.

In any case, if you haven’t seen Spice & Wolf, please see Spice & Wolf, it’s the best romance anime made.

2) Okabe Rintarou/Makise Kurise from Steins; Gate

Hot damn, where do I start with these losers? I’ve made no secret that I find a lot of parallels between these two and my own relationship, an abrasive nerd who shows affection by being verbally obtuse and somehow has managed to gather a group of friends through some weird force of personality and a charming brilliant girl who gets easily flustered by the teasing, but also enjoys terrorizing the other party as well. I love the model of bickering made out to be flirting, and it never feels more genuine than here/

Beyond that, they’re just purely lovable people and their entire progression of romance just feels, again, real. They feel like real people feeling real emotions. They’re not as mature as Lawrence and Holo, but they do care and grow and ultimately, the show becomes about what you will do for the most important person in the world to you, as well as understanding what makes someone the most important person in the world to you.

If you haven’t watched Steins; Gate WATCH STEINS; GATE

1) Minato/Aigis from Persona 3

I played Persona 3 during a very hard time in my life. So that probably influences stuff, but boy. These two, guys. These two.

Minato and Aigis approach life in a weirdly similar way. Aigis has just entered into understanding what life is and Minato is a step away from the ledge at the point where they meet. Aigis is single-minded, and Minato is detached… it seems at first that the relationship is superficial, and later it is.

Being close to Minato hurts Aigis numerous times, including the most painful final time, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have done it or that it was worthless. Persona 3 is a game about how life will hurt you, but life is still worth living. That’s Aigis’ last lesson to learn by the end of the game. She ends up fighting not for the world of humanity, or even her friends, but for one man she found. And you don’t need to save the world to find meaning in life. All you need is something simple, like someone to take care of.

And damn are those not some of the best words ever put in a video game.

#Malk Muses #long post #long long post

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alwaysalreadyangry · 6 years

Text

anyway if i had the brainpower and expertise to write about maurice properly (i have not yet read the book, have only seen the film), here are some aspects i would like to think about:

1) letters, telegrams, so much that is written down, and yet. there’s something about the way people can’t write down and keep a record of their truest feelings. there’s the scene where maurice reads out the letter from alec, which scares him because of its openness, which he finds terrifying - what’s behind it? and so of course the letter has to burn.

1a) a small amusing/bittersweet addition to this: clive is a poet, but nobody ever seems to see his poetry. clive is the character who most hides his own true nature, who denies what he feels, what he wants, who he loves. what does his poetry look like?

1b) the opposite of amusing: everybody assumes that maurice is carrying on a courtship with a woman in london (they’ve convinced themselves; it would be the proper thing for him to do) when he receives a wire calling him back to the city. he lets them believe this, but it’s the opposite: a wire from a therapist he’s hoping will be able to cure his gayness. there’s something interesting here about the way what is written can convey a truth to one person and signify a lie to those around them, just through the object... everybody else just sees what they want to see. it’s only maurice, who can both read the written message and who has the full knowledge to understand it, who knows what the wire means in terms of his life. this is interesting when we consider that maurice was, for a very long time, a completed but unpublished, private manuscript. which signified one thing to forster and to its early private readers, but which he believed couldn’t be published because its happy ending - the thing, or one of the things which made it so valuable to him/its early readership - would signify entirely the wrong things to society at large. they wouldn’t understand what it meant, why it ended like this - they would see immorality instead of righteous love.

2) i can’t stop thinking about the moment in which simon callow’s schoolteacher reappears, and maurice tells him that his name is scudder. it comes very soon after alec has been hurt by maurice calling him scudder instead of alec once more - a sign that he is distancing himself from him, but also that he is putting him down, reasserting the class barriers between them. so then what does this moment mean? he is joking, he doesn’t want to get into a deep conversation with his old schoolmaster. but also, this is the teacher who told him that in ten years, he would like to see him with his wife. so, then, what about the ways in which taking scudder’s name, even in jest like this, is about a kind of marriage, a kind of love union? but it’s not a heterosexual marriage, where a woman takes on a man’s name and erases her own history (i’m not into wives taking their husband’s names on principle, although if people want to do it, by all means). there’s something else here.

2a) this is the CMBYN parallel i’m most interested in. in CMBYN, elio & oliver call each other by their own names. i was talking with someone who isn’t queer about why this is so significant, and am sure i didn’t scratch the surface... but once again i talked about the ways in which it is both about identification with the similarities and differences between you, and about total surrender to the other, to the one you love/desire, about wanting to become one, in a kind of relationship where there is little to no tradition of joining together in a traditional marriage... and it’s about claiming someone else by saying, i am you, we are the same. and so all of this, for me, is behind that moment. it’s a private joke! it’s a dismissal! but it’s also a mea culpa, maybe? or it’s a private statement of something, of some kind of desire, some kind of feeling which exists between them even in the middle of their mess of maybe-blackmail-definitely-hurt-feelings argument in the british museum.

2b) to sum up: maurice likes alec and he is both teasing him and trying to get that across! they are both very weird flirters, which is not exactly surprising, given the circumstances.

3) it’s amazing that this is a beautiful merchant ivory costume drama and yet they are so skilled at making the “costume drama” element of these character’s lives... feel so stuffy, so constraining, so painful. these are characters who really feel like they are stuck in a cloying, harmful, overgrown, victorian society... and it’s interesting then too how the spectre of the coming great war hangs over the story without somehow ruining it.

3a) this is a very interesting film to watch from the vantage point of 2018, as i’m sure it was on first release. because we know that wwi is coming, yes. but we also know everything else that’s to come, including the century (and change, now) of social change. decriminalisation, and everything that came after.

3b) i think this is part of why the extended final scene between clive and maurice strikes us so much now, and why it seems like a shame to see it cut. because it resonates so much with us now; maurice’s self-possession, the way in which he is right, the way in which this character who has often had to be so passive, so unable to take charge of his life... can suddenly see a route out of this life, the constraints of his tired old society, and is willing to take it. from the vantage point of now, that self-possession, that final unwillingness to give in to clive’s need for silence, for love and feelings to go unspoken, to be denied... it seems inevitable, because we know it’s going to come. we know that much change is going to come. but this is not all, and i think leabing this thought here privileges the current moment too much...

3c) because of course also the extraordinary thing is that despite maurice being published in 1971, after forster’s death, it is not what we would think of a historical novel. it was written in 1913-1914, although it was revised later.

3d) this thought is muddled. but there is something very interesting about how the long period between its being written/its being published/its finally being filmed... both make us look back at this time in the past from the vantage point of the other side of a big historical change, and it also makes us see, makes us feel the ways in which these radically different times... collapse together, are in many ways the same, made up of the same people. we see maurice’s self possession, his final willingness to fully speak up (although of course, maurice has always been more willing to speak than clive?).

3e) we see that maurice won’t submit to the silence that society and history demands, and we say: good. but this is not just us imposing our own values on the past - it’s a mirror, it’s a letter, no, a wire from the past, and it’s saying, we spoke and would speak too, we may have been silenced by history, we may have had to burn our letters, hide our words. but you now are not the first or only generation who has felt, who has spoken, as you do. in the past, we feel the same, and we are living vital lives there still.

3f) in other words: it could be that they cut this scene down because they didn’t want to make it seem too contemporary. but it’s not: it’s the written and redacted true words of the past shining out.

4) rupert graves is very beautiful and wild in this film and i don’t have anything clever to say. just, for the record. wow.

5) the other CMBYN parallel to take away, for me: is it better to speak or die? maurice starts the film asserting that deeds are more important than words: but the whole film illustrates risley’s point, that words are actions, and they can ruin your life - whether they are spoken, written, or suppressed.

5a) and so, for maurice, it is better to speak: and to act. to cower in fear, to suppress? that is not possible for him, or for alec. that is not the route out of this moment, towards a life worth living.

#maurice #maurice 1987 #meta #my writing #my bad jumbled tired brain writing

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