#long long post

[dizzyduck44]

McLaren’s mistreatment of Oscar Piastri

So before the 2025 season gets under way let’s discuss one of the most controversial and polarising topics in F1, Oscar Piastri and McLaren.

I have been a McLaren fan for decades and can agree that the two number one drivers have pretty much always been a thing at McLaren. Senna/Prost, Alonso/Hamilton, Hamilton/Button, Sainz/Norris, Norris/Ricciardo (I refuse to put Hakkinen/Coulthard in that list due to Ron Dennis’ obvious bias). So the concept is not new to the team.

What is new is what they are trying to do.

You see in almost every pairing I have listed, there was an elder statesmen of the team, a world champion, a veteran of the sport. The current McLaren has been built on the foundations of two incredibly talented junior drivers they hope to mould into world champions.

In Lando, he is home grown, literally. Nearly a decade on the team in one form or another, served an apprenticeship with them, he is the driver McLaren built.

Oscar is the driver that McLaren bought. And I’m not sure they read all the small print!

Firstly from Oscar’s perspective McLaren was the glass slipper. Alpine was in chaos, McLaren were offering him a spot on the grid and seeing the time, care and attention they had given to develop Lando, for a young driver, could you ask for anything more?

If McLaren were looking for a compliant teammate who would have the McLaren team ethos, maybe the first warning should have been Oscar was deserting the team that paid for his junior categories and he was ousting his countryman at the team to get on to the grid. Oscar or his team would get what they wanted at all costs.

Then we have to look at Oscar’s junior career. F3 and F2 championships back to back, it sounds so impressive. Only 4 men have ever done it. However, if you were Charles LeClerc, George Russell or Gabriel Bortoleto, the field you beat along the way was super impressive. Packed full of successful F1 drivers, Formula E World Champions and regular Indycar drivers. Oscar didn’t really have the same challenges. In fact by the looks of it the only driver you would single out is Liam Lawson. Logan Sargent was his F3 vice champion and he sadly drowned in F1. Oscar was a big fish in a small pond. Honestly he should have won with the talent he was showing, otherwise F1 was a none starter. (Oscar himself admitted Baku 2024 was “the toughest race of his career”, probably the first time he had ever been tested to that level).

By comparison Lando had been a medium fish in an ocean. He had the wins behind him, he had spent his life competing against and beating Mick Schumacher, Callum Ilott, Zhou Ghanyu and he advanced past them, just to be up against George, Alex Albon and Nyck De Vries. However, he held his own in Daytona against Fernando Alonso, so he was well aware of the challenge ahead.

First season for Oscar and I refuse to heap too much criticism on a rookie. His tyre management of was an issue BUT the thing that in hindsight was a problem was his love of a lunge into the first corner. Carlos Sainz put it down to “rookie enthusiasm” in Spa, but sadly that wasn’t the case. This was Oscar’s “thing”.

What amazed me was McLaren said nothing to him. Zak who has once said Lando’s greatest strength was the maturity to know you can loose it all in the first corner, and even if you make a mistake you don’t have to rectify it in the second corner, was letting this go unchecked by Oscar.

So we rock into 2024 and boy was the situation about to get worse for everyone involved.

Earlier in the season I was one of the people who was highlighting Oscar’s new trend to go into the first corner and never give his teammate room. And guess what? His teammate did what the team needed to get both cars to the end of the race, and yielded. However I remember by May/June I was screaming blue murder about this, that Lando’s reputation for messing up the first corner was a byproduct of his teammate, and that if Oscar did that too anyone else, they weren’t going to be as kind to him!

Then there was his little habit of doing a bit of mid quali, mid race rallying. Generally the quickest way round the track was on the grey stuff, but I heard this little quirk, as one Aussie coin it, “Oscar is playing in the rocks again!”.

By the time we got to Hungary my patience with the “babying” of Oscar was near its end. That race tipped my opinion of Oscar and McLaren forever.

My argument has NEVER changed. Again we had a first corner lunge, but then after the pitstop, Oscar dropped 7 seconds behind Lando. And it’s the WHY that angers me. Lando’s pitstop was to undercut Hamilton. He had been asked to push to give the team as much of an advantage as possible. Catching Oscar, Oscar went off track costing him time. Lando pitted and there was still enough time for Oscar to come in, pit, get out, (even if behind Lando) with plenty of time to do an easy swap with both McLarens comfortably down the road.

What ACTUALLY happened, is Oscar came in overshooting his pit slightly (costing time), left the pits and almost immediately went off track again (costing more time). With dirty tyres Lewis was able to catch him up and pressure the hell out of him.

Meanwhile Lando was on plan A, get away from Hamilton and do an easy swap with no risk of losing a place to Lewis. Erm well slight problem, Oscar has made that near impossible now. But all Oscar had to do was catch Lando up. To this day, on fresher tyres, same car and clean air, I don’t know how Oscar couldn’t catch Lando.

Now in the real world of F1. If you are 7 seconds behind the leader and you are there through your own errors, the race is gone. No driver is slowing down 7 seconds for you to catch them up because you were doing really well up to that point! It’s a tough lesson to learn, but it builds character and teaches you to learn from your errors. BUT on that day McLaren chose not to give that lesson. They demanded and bullied Lando to slow down to give Oscar the win.

What exactly did Oscar learn that day? First corner lunges are good? Dont worry, the team will gloss over your mistakes and give you what you want? Whatever Oscar learnt that day it nearly cost them the constructors championship.

As we moved to Monza McLaren should, by their own admissions, have made it clear what they expected. Sadly they all expected Oscar to “know” how they wanted him to behave when they had never once prior called him out on his flawed behaviour. So at turn 3, not even turn 1 this time, he lunged his teammate, nearly sending him out the race, to take the lead.

We know now, courtesy of Drive to Survive, the pitwall were instantly pissed as that had compromised their whole race. On reflection Oscar knew it was the wrong thing to do. Yet had McLaren addressed this behaviour, that had been building all season, earlier, Oscar would “know” what to do. Would see that ensuring you end the race in the best position is worth more than lap 1 glory. McLaren were just letting him develop bad habit after bad habit.

As McLaren gave priority to Lando I genuinely saw one Piastri fan claim this “was not fair to Oscar’s feelings” (can I point out, not a female either). In F1 there is one champion and Lando had earned his right to priority. All those little things, McLaren had never raised with Oscar or glossed over were costing him. If your feelings getting hurt is an important factor in how you perform, maybe F1 is not the right place for you.

Then the chickens came home to roost. In Brazil he crashed into Lawson in a clumsy overtake and gained himself a 10 second penalty and then Abu Dhabi happened. And if you’ve read this far you know why this post was so long. Constructors Championship critical. McLaren’s failing nearly cost them everything.

First corner, he kept his line, as previously Lando had just got out his way. However this time it wasn’t Lando, it was Max, doing to Oscar what Oscar had done to Lando all year, (hell Max had done it to Lando in Austria and Austin), and guess what? Inevitably they hit each other and spun. In a race where it was essential for the team to gain as many points as possible over Ferrari, Oscar had gone from 2nd to last!

Then in his need to make up for the first corner he lunged Colapinto, hit him and got a 10 second penalty. Then to complete his greatest hits collection he lost it completely behind Tsunoda and not so much went to play in the rocks more wiggled towards a wall at high speed.

Had any of those three things resulted in a Ferrari championship, was it totally Oscar at fault? Or the complete unwillingness and seeming inability of McLaren to hold Oscar accountable for his little quirks and habits over the last two years? For McLaren seemingly rewarding errors rather than saying, listen this is the pinnacle, you want the win, you need to work on here, here and here.

Because here is the flip side of this. We hear Lando every season pinpoint exactly where his improvements and gains need to come from. And I can only assume that is being lead in part by McLaren. So WHY does Oscar not appear to either be getting the same treatment OR is choosing not to work on them?

So as we go into a season where we already know the McLaren has rear end instability, which given his traits, not great for Oscar, is McLaren doing Oscar a disservice by NOT being real with him OR is there someone in team Oscar who thinks they know better and is trying to throw their weight around? If it’s the latter, you know what would really help with that? Working on the areas that need it and getting the better quali positions and race results.

Because the long and short of this is, if we have a third season of Lando destroying him in quali and the same mistakes leading to points lost, the question has to be, is McLaren’s approach with Oscar really helping him, or holding him back? Will a day in July 2024 in Budapest be the moment that could have been the failing that fired a champion on, or becomes the point we look back at where it all started to go a bit wrong.

[sayruq]

[SOURCE]

[rad-batson]

Damian Wayne: Figure Skater

or: Damian Wayne Fluff Because Damian Wayne Deserves Joy and Happiness <3

Damian Wayne prides himself on being good at everything he does. He never half-asses anything.

Damian has tried tons of different skills before. He’s mastered dozens of martial arts, become fluent in over thirty languages, earned several PhDs, and he’s not even a teenager yet. Why? He needs to be the best or it’s not good enough.

But there are only so many skills that give him the same joy as when he started. Studio art is his favorite and has always been a constant for him, but he’s yet to find something else. Something that truly invigorates him.

At 12, Damian watches the Winter Olympics with Dick. It’s his first ever time viewing the Olympics, and he doesn’t really know what he was expecting, but Damian is…kind of underwhelmed.

Everyone talked about how the Olympics are supposed to be this grandiose display of the world’s talents, but most of it’s pretty boring.

Curling is boring. Alpine is slow and monotonous. Bobsledding is repetitive, and sled dog racing seems unethical.

But then figure skating comes on. And Damian is captivated.

Without even realizing, he moved right in front of the television and watched an hour of figure skating uninterrupted. Dick notices and smiles.

“Aren’t they cool?” Dick asks. Damian, with his eyes still glued to the screen, nods. “Wanna go to the local rink with me and try it out? It’s even more fun than it looks.”

That pulls Damian out of his trance, and he closes himself off. “No. I don’t need to.”

He just thought it was cool, okay? And he totally doesn’t want to try it himself. And he totally isn’t worried that he won’t be good at it and fall like an idiot in front of his older brother if he does.

It’s just that…it’s so cool!!

Damian knows agility, okay? He can do flips and tricks with ease, and he knows how to do it with both grace and poise. But these people? They can do it on ice! With blades on their feet!!

OF COURSE DAMIAN WANTS TO DO COOL TRICKS WITH SHARP BLADES STRAPPED TO HIS FEET

Admittedly, he goes through a two-month-long period of pretending he isn’t dying to try it. He almost completely forgets. Then, by complete coincidence, Cass and Duke invite him to an indoor skating rink, and he caves. Maybe it’s not that hard.

Spoiler: Figure Skating is Hard

Within five seconds, he falls flat on his face. How do people do this? Cass and Duke say it’s normal, but he still refuses to leave the wall the whole time out of shame.

Once they’re home, however, Damian realizes how stupid that was. He’s Damian Wayne Al Ghul. He can’t just give up! What would the rest of his family think?! What if they go back one day, and he just falls flat on his face again? There’s no excuse the second time, and he doesn’t want the others to think he can’t do it.

So that night, he sneaks back into the rink after hours and tries again. And again. And again. And again.

On the fifth try, he is able to make it all the way around the rink. He realizes that he’s distributing his weight wrong. (Stupid mistake, of course. He’s essentially balancing on knives.) That makes it a lot easier, but he’s still flapping his arms around like a bird.

He spends two more hours improving his balance, then decides that’s good enough. He did what he came here to do, and he doesn’t need to come back.

Two days later, he comes back. (I mean, who knows? Maybe, he’s gotten better.) He didn’t, obviously. But what harm is there in spending some more time on the ice? Other than the collection of bruises he acquires.

He falls way more than he’d like to admit, but once he teaches himself how to do that safely, it’s actually kind of fun. He circles the rink countless times, figures out to start and stop (though it is admittedly a very ungraceful way of stopping.) He can even kind of control his speed.

So he’s done, right? He did it! He can now ice skate to a degree that isn’t mortifying for a beginner. He doesn’t need to come back.

The Short Program

One week and four visits later, he admits that he is hooked. He wants to see how far he can go with this. But he can’t just improve without proper guidance, so he decides to take Tim’s advice for once and use the internet.

That’s when he really starts improving. Exponentially. He pours over articles and videos and diagrams about gliding, stopping, pivots, crossovers, and finally some simple spins. Just basics, of course.

He also purchases his own pair of skates because the rental ones he’s been “borrowing” suck. And they smell. And he forges a membership card (you know, so there’s no paper trail.)

His original goal is to make it to free skate level, but once he’s there, he can’t stop. It’s just so gratifying to add another skill to his repertoire. If he can do front crossovers, then he can surely master them backward. Closed Mohawks shouldn’t be that bad if the open Mohawks were so easy. Before he knows it, he’s spending hours every week developing his skills.

After a few months, his improvement plateaus because the jumps prove difficult. He doesn’t know how to build up the speed, and his stealth and fighting techniques (which he’s been borrowing from thus far) just make him wipe out. So he works on that for a bit and tries to figure out what he’s doing wrong.

During a JL meeting, The Flash happens to mention a rogue who used to figure skate. Lisa Snart, or the Golden Glider, is a famous figure skater from the 90s, but she was kicked from the Olympic team due to her life of crime. Now, she jumps between both petty crime and vigilantism.

Damian tracks her down and claims to be researching the sport for a school assignment. Yeah, it’s a bit thin of a cover story. If she wanted to see through his lie, she’d only have to break into his school and check his teacher’s assignment book, but once he laments about how every other skater is busy, and he was so surprised to learn that she was no longer skating when she’s clearly so talented, Lisa happily tells him all of the secrets to the sport.

For a few months, he applies her techniques and even asks her to skate for him a few times, recording her from multiple angles. “I value the quality of my education,” he explains. She sees through the lie but doesn’t say anything. (And somehow, he doesn’t particularly care.)

In the coming year, Bruce notices a change in how Robin moves during patrol. If he had to describe it…well, there’s a lot more power behind his movement. He redistributes his momentum with ease, which proves extremely valuable. There’s more height to his jumps and speed in his attacks. On top of it all, he can reorient himself quicker.

Bruce praises Damian once they’re back at the cave and even allows him more freedom during missions. Damian totally doesn’t cry about it in his room.

The Free Skate

Damian refuses to let anyone watch him practice for YEARS to save his pride. I mean, yes, he’s at free skate level 5—thanks, Lisa—but he’s not at level 6 yet! And that won’t take too long, right? Maybe they can know once he’s mastered his quad axel (which is a totally doable goal. He’s not overachieving. He’s Damian Wayne Al Ghul.)

Next, he works on transitions. At first, he copies other skaters’ forms, then he slowly develops his own. It’s sharp in some ways and fluid in others like he’s been on ice his whole life but he’s got places to be.

At about 15 or 16, he invites Jon to come with him one day. He shows him “a few spins” (triple axels) and Jon immediately starts encouraging him to join some kind of showcase or competition.

Damian’s response is “No! I’m not good enough yet. I still can’t land a quad axel. That’s insulting.”

Cue Jon’s family-friendly “bitch please” face. He says, “Okay, but you need to show someone else. I can’t be the only person in the world who knows.” so they get Billy in on it.

He’s obviously good at keeping secrets, considering he hid his age and the fact he was homeless from the JL for five years.

Billy also loses his shit, but he’s more understanding about the “I don’t want to tell anyone else” thing. Thus, Jon and Billy become Damian’s cover for every time he’s caught sneaking out. (He was running out of excuses anyway.)

Bruce hears that Damian is hanging out with Jon and Billy every week, gives him a look, and tells him he’s proud that he’s making friends.

Damian nods along, thanking all the gods in Billy’s head that his secret is safe. If Bruce doesn’t have any reason to snoop, then he won’t. Simple as that. The greatest detective in the world doesn’t need to start snooping.

During the next Winter Olympics, Damian watches every single skating performance from the comfort of his room. (Tim can hear him yelling at his TV through the walls but doesn’t have the energy to question it.)

Jon and Billy are his cheerleaders. They go out for lunch then head to the rink with him and mess around while Damian practices. Sometimes, they spend all day together. Doing homework, gossiping, playing fun little games.

Damian keeps mentioning the quad axel to them until Jon looks it up and says, “Um, hey Dami? Apparently, the quad axel is like…almost physically impossible. You know that, right?“ “If Lisa Snart and Ilia Malinin can do it, so can I.” “Okay, Mr. PhD.” Still, they don’t doubt him for a second.

Damian teaches them some stuff during a public skate in Fawcett City. Jon cheats multiple times by floating a tiny bit to keep his balance. Billy falls a lot.

As much as he likes being with his friends, though, Damian finds himself skating more to clear his head rather than to improve or socialize.

When he has a bad patrol or gets into some trouble he could have avoided, he’ll sneak into the rink alone and skate for hours.

He’ll pour all of his frustration into the music and carve it out into the ice until he’s exhausted and lying down with the cold surface against his back, letting it sink some sense into him.

It’s a good outlet. Kind of like his art, but there are only so many pencils you can snap in anger before your dad cuts your art supply budget. Bruce doesn’t know about this yet.

Six months later, when Damian lands his first quad axel in front of Jon and Billy, they all scream for five consecutive minutes and celebrate with hot chocolate and sorbet.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Tim asks when he’s back home. Damian tries to hide his smile but fails spectacularly. “Oh, nothing.” He’s never had a problem with schooling his emotions before, but anything is possible now. Even a quad fucking axel.

Competition Season

During patrol one day, Dick sees Damian spinning on the roof and says, “Hey, where’d you get those sick ballet moves? Did Black Bat teach you that?” Damian immediately stops and says, “Uh yeah.” Thankfully, Dick doesn’t ask Cass to confirm.

At 17, Jason catches him sneaking out at 10 pm and unknowingly opens an entire can of worms.

Damian, too tired to make a good excuse: “I’m seeing Jon.” Jason: “Like a date?” Damian, dying inside: “…Don’t tell Baba.”

At 18, he’s able to reliably land the quad axel and do it with style. It’s almost more gratifying than punching criminals in the face. (Almost.) That’s when Jon and Billy finally bring up the idea of telling others about it.

Damian is still hesitant, but he thinks about it.

I mean, he’s made a lot of progress in six years, hasn’t he? The only other thing he’s spent so long practicing was his assassin training, then his vigilantism, and his art. But this one is special because it’s just his. (And Jon and Billy. Kinda.) And getting to show off to them is fun, especially when he perfects another element, and they got batshit crazy together over it. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Having a few more people to mess around with in the rink?

He just doesn’t know if it’ll be impressive enough. After all, his entire family is great at stuff. Bruce is the world’s greatest detective—how he hasn’t learned about this yet, Damian doesn’t know. Dick is a beyond incredible acrobat. Jason has one of the highest proficiencies in marksmanship ever. Tim is the best bo staff user on this side of the Atlantic...

...And Damian can do jumps and tricks on the ice. Wow, cool. Good job, Damian.

But then he’s twelve again. And he’s sitting in front of the TV watching Yuzuru Hanyu and Yuna Kim do triple axels, and Dick is inviting him to try it out together. And Cass and Dick are taking him to the rink because they thought it’d be fun. And Lisa is rambling about how she misses skating competitively. And Bruce is telling him he’s proud of the progress Damian’s made both inside and outside of patrol. And Tim is telling him he looks happier than usual.

He is happier.

Yeah. Maybe, they deserve to know.

He agrees to sign up for a free skate competition. But not one in Gotham. And only a small one. He wants to test out the waters first. They find one that’s a month away, and Damian signs up.

When the day comes, Damian is shaking in his skates. He did not account for a “small competition” still having over two hundred people watching. What the fuck was he thinking?

What Jon and Billy don’t tell him is that they snuck Dick into the crowd to watch. Dick has no idea what he’s doing there until he sees Damian skate out to the middle in a red and grey top with black pants and matching skates.

He performs to Beggin’ by Måneskin and starts the performance out with his quad axel.

Everyone loses their shit.

He looks so genuinely excited when he’s skating. He completely ignores the hundreds of people watching, doesn’t count points. He just jams out to the song until he’s breathless, spinning and gliding and jumping and turning to the beat, mostly showing off to Jon and Billy like he always does.

When it’s over, he just hears this massive crowd of people screaming, and then overtop of it, Dick shouts, “THAT’S MY BABY BROTHER!!” and Damian almost falls flat on his face.

Dick uses the Emergency Group Chat to send a video of Damian skating then screams into the phone to Bruce, who immediately drives out to the rink with the rest of the family, and his siblings make Damian do it over once the place is cleared out because they can’t believe they missed it.

Dick: When did you learn to figure skate?! Damian: After we watched the Olympics together. Dick: You’ve been hiding this for SIX YEARS?!?! Damian: …It looked fun.

Of course, Damian is still the son of Bruce Wayne so tabloids eat it up.

“Damian Wayne: Figure Skating Prodigy” “Wayne Prodigy Wins Gold at Regional Figure Skating Competition, Baffling Judges” “Is Damian Wayne fit to represent the US during the next Winter Olympics??”

A swarm of coaches ask Damian if he would like to skate competitively but he declines. He just likes doing it for fun.

Thankfully, the performance was recorded by the competition holders (after a suspicious request from the CEO of Wayne Enterprises last week. Wow, wonder why)

Leave it to Damian to spend his rebellious phase becoming an Olympic-level athlete.

[cosmikazie]

A theory about some certain background elements in the Watcher

Spoilers ahead. I hope this title is vague enough to not arouse suspicion in anyone who hasn't played yet because I'm about to post the real title under the cut here!!!!

The Watcher and the World Cycle Theory

theres more to it obviously but like. as far as concise titles go that hook you this is as good as it's gonna get

So, I think I've rambled about this incoherently enough times during my playthrough of this campaign that I think maybe, just maybe, it's time to actually lay my ideas out in an understandable manner.

The Watcher's campaign centers around hopping through rifts that are found (or that you create) that lead to different regions at different points in time. You end up traveling across the ENTIRETY of the world, getting little sneak peeks at other points in the past, present, and future of the world as we know it, and you get peeks at new regions and places we've never even seen before, as well as hints of what the ultimate fate of the world is. And it's that aspect I would like to discuss.

The regions we see in Rain World: The Watcher do indeed take place across space and time, but the regions we see aren't necessarily from the same world as what we know, because everything is in a constant cycle of death and rebirth. We end up seeing multiple different worlds in the Watcher's campaign, some from potentially before, and some from after the bulk of the game takes place.

My first piece of evidence to support this theory:

The Cycle of Dust

If you take the teal colored pearl to Moon in the base game, she will read it to you, and give you the following context about the Void Sea:

"If you leave a stone on the ground, and come back some time later, it's covered in dust. This happens everywhere, and over several lifetimes of creatures such as you, the ground slowly builds upwards.

So why doesn't the ground collide with the sky? Because far down, under the very very old layers of the earth, the rock is being dissolved or removed. The entity which does this is known as the Void Sea.

If you drill far enough into the earth you begin encountering a substance called Void Fluid. The deeper you go, the less rock and more Void Fluid. It's believed that there is a point where the rock completely gives way - below that would be the Void Sea.

When that stone you placed on the ground has finally done its time in the sediments, it meets the Void Fluid and is dissolved, leaving the physical world."

The point of this being that the world is in a constant state of renewing itself. The world is slowing getting eaten away from the bottom up, lowering down into the Void Sea. Meanwhile, dust builds up from the ground, keeping the world in this strange state of equilibrium, preventing it from raising too high into the sky but also not letting the world just dissolve into the Void Sea.

While not exactly relevant to the Watcher's campaign, Saint's story in the Downpour DLC does kind of demonstrate this principle, when you head to the Depths to be ascended, only to find a total abyss. The plausibility of what happens during and after this sequence and whether or not it can be considered reality can be debated all day, but regardless, it demonstrates at least part of this principle in action.

So why exactly is this relevant to this theory?

Here is my second piece of evidence:

Outer Rim and Signal Spires

From the moment I first entered it, Outer Rim absolutely fascinated me as a region. It was so intriguing to me because despite all of the regions in the game being unique in their own right, Outer Rim was very different from the others. Its architecture was very unique and different from anything else I had ever seen before, and its overall structure was even more interesting. Aside from the Prince being a key focus of this region, there were also a few breadcrumbs that pointed to the above not only being true, but actively taking place.

It's hard to make out what the Ancients are saying in their text and whether or not it's true, as anything could be hyperbole or a common saying. However, if this specific excerpt from the pink pearl in Farm Arrays is anything to go off of, it could explain a detail of Outer Rim:

"On regards of the (by spiritual splendor eternally graced) people of the Congregation of Never Dwindling Righteousness, we Wish to congratulate (o so thankfully) this Facility on its Loyal and Relished services, and to Offer our Hopes and Aspirations that the Fruitful and Mutually Satisfactory Cooperation may continue, for as long as the Stars stay fixed on their Celestial Spheres and/or the Cooperation continues to be Fruitful and Mutually Satisfactory."

I'm well aware humans have spoken of stars in the past as if they're meant to be dots in the sky, or people, and that very well could be the case. But the stars we see in Rain World are interesting because, well, they DO remain fixed. And they're not the only thing that remains fixed in the sky.

So does the moon.

Same phase, same place in the sky, all the time, every campaign it's visible in. Always static. Never changing its position. And the stars never move either.

I could go on and on about my knowledge of astronomy, but pretty much all you need to know is that if these stars were real, we would see at least SOME positional differences over all the campaigns. We don't have exact placements in the timeline for a lot of these campaigns--it's mostly A comes before B comes before C guesswork--but given how time constantly moving forwards and eras constantly starting and ending is a major theme of Rain World, it's likely that it all takes place over thousands of our world's years, even without Saint's campaign in the mix.

The point is, these are not normal stars, and that is no normal moon. "For as long as the stars stay fixed on their Celestial Spheres" implies some interesting cosmology, which only gets stranger once you encounter this:

This is from the desert area of Outer Rim. And it's not easy to see, but there are strange, moving flecks of green light in the cloud of dust blowing by. The same green as the stars in the sky. It's also worth specifying that this is dust, and not snow. It may look similar, given that we do encounter snow and blizzards in other regions, but this is not a region which requires you to conserve warmth. This is dust, and it's coming down from the sky.

Dust falling from the sky with the stars coming down with them. Hm.

If what is happening here is paired with the above concepts, this could easily be construed as a sort of world-ending, or world-beginning event. But what really makes this theory are the structures populating the background of this area, and Signal Spires:

Iterator-like Structures

(Outer Rim structures on the left, Signal Spires structures on the right)

Of course, the instant first thought given to these structures is the functional resemblance they bear to Iterators. They're both gigantic, geometrical structures that have spires coming out of the top, with legs (or a leg) and technological innards.

I did some research and investigation, and the structure on the left is apparently called a Starcatcher, which adds to the thoughts about stars above. And despite its appearance as an Iterator-like structure, it doesn't really have any of the conventional makings of an Iterator. In fact, it's almost completely hollow.

This is known because you jump around inside one. But I wouldn't entirely count this out for being some form of an Iterator, because we still never see that lower area in use. It's debatable, but there's a case to be made.

Secondly, there is a case to be made for the structures in Signal Spires that has some fairly solid ground to it.

These large, technological pyramids the spires sit on are not just a throwaway design. It's not a coincidence that they look like Iterators.

This was the ORIGINAL DESIGN FOR THE ITERATOR SUPERSTRUCTURE. And it's worth noting that the possibility of this being some form of Iterator can't be properly and definitely debunked, as we only ever see the Signal Spire part of the structure.

The main idea at play here is that it's highly unlikely these structures resemble Iterator cans without reason. This is likely not a coincidence.

So, how does this all fit together?

This theory suggests that these structures are all Iterators, but they come from iterations of the world with minor differences. There was always going to be a race of "Ancients" that came about and made Iterators, or structures that serve a similar purpose, but their designs were always going to be different from world iteration to world iteration. I think this is a fair assumption to make, since every look we get at these structures is pretty consistent in presentation. We're supposed to think that these are located all over the world in the base game, and I doubt the intention is any different with these regions.

Outer Rim furthers this idea of iteration and change by showing it in action, with dust falling from the sky, and the stars blustering on by. We're witnessing a pretty heavily implicit time of change and rebirth for the world, Rot Prince or not, and it's not out of the question that the end for this world was the beginning of the other two or more that we see.

This could also explain the significant difference in style and structure we see in the other regions this DLC presents.

Creatures with analogs across all of these iterations likely wouldn't differ much in appearance or change much between worlds on account of them simply being different iterations of the same creatures, so there wouldn't be much change there. It is worth noting that you can find lizards in this DLC with the ridges they have in Saint's campaign, however, so there is a case to be made for variation.

Conclusion

Rain World's world is in a constant cycle of being born, forming a dominant species capable of building megastructures, dying, and then starting all over again. The Cycle is the one true constant of the world, and encompasses far more than just the life that populates it. The entire world is stuck in this cycle, never to escape. This is something we see in the Watcher's campaign, as we see hints of different versions of the same civilization which have come and gone. It's just our job to explore these places, and the possibilities they present for the world.

[and-her-saints]

Hey sorry idk if you'd know this but I quite literally don't know where to turn about this so I'm sending this ask to every queer+catholic blog I can find

Are there *any* resources out there for queer/trans Catholics that go beyond affirmation and show how to pursue a religious life that goes beyond the laity (e.g. priesthood, joining a convent/monastery, something similar) without having to brush your queerness aside. I feel like if I don't find something soon I might go insane

years ago, i attended a Zoom event with Fr. James Alison as a keynote speaker, and something he said has been glued to my brain ever since. he said it in Spanish, so i'll try to remember, paraphrase and translate: "while they try to get us to stop being queer, what we must try to do is to be better queers."

i love what you said about "beyond affirmation" and that is precisely why i got reminded of the quote and WHY this quote resonated with me to begin with.

imho, there is a fundamental issue with a lot of queer theology and it's that it doesn't go beyond apologetics. it's not pragmatic nor does it seem to engage critically with the material conditions that work with or against queerness. and it's truly such a shame, because living "religiously" to me, as a queer catholic, it's infinitely more a matter of coherence, love, devotion and solidarity, than learning how to "reconcile" gayness/transness with the Bible.

it's a journey, of course. the apologetics were and are necessary for many of us to unlearn the hatred that might've been instilled in us through religious education and upbringing. however, here are some resources that, in my opinion, show how to pursue queer-religious-life.

💌 catholic/christian resources:

[book] The Reckless Way of Love: Notes on Following Jesus by Dorothy Day. Unlike larger collections and biographies, which cover her radical views, exceptional deeds, and amazing life story, this book focuses on a more personal dimension of her life: Where did she receive strength to stay true to her God-given calling despite her own doubts and inadequacies and the demands of an activist life? What was the unquenchable wellspring of her deep faith and her love for humanity?

[book & account] Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems, and Meditations for Staying Human by Cole Arthur Riley. Black Liturgies is a digital project that connects spiritual practice with Black emotion, Black memory, and the Black body. In this book, she brings together hundreds of new prayers, along with letters, poems, meditation questions, breath practices, scriptures, and the writings of Black literary ancestors to offer forty-three liturgies that can be practiced individually or as a community.

[book] Cry of the Earth, Cry of the Poor by Leonardo Boff. Focusing on the threated Amazon of his native Brazil, Boff traces the economic and metaphysical ties that bind the fate of the rain forests with the fate of the indigenous peoples and the poor of the land. He shows how liberation theology must join with ecology in reclaiming the dignity of the earth and our sense of a common community, part of God's creation. To illustrate the possibilities, Boff turns to resources in Christian spirituality both ancient and modern, from the vision of St. Francis of Assisi to cosmic christology.

[book] Undoing Theology: Life Stories from Non-normative Christians by Chris Greenough. The fundamental issue with ‘queer’ research is it cannot exist in any definable form, as the purpose of queer is to disrupt and disturb. Undoing Doing generates a process of ‘undoing’ as central to queer research enquiries. Aiming to engage in a process which breaks free from traditional academic norms, the text explores three life stories

[podcast] The Magnificast. "A weekly podcast about Christianity and leftist politics. The Magnificast is hosted by Dean Dettloff and Matt Bernico. Each week's episode focuses on a unique or under-realized aspect of territory between Christianity and politics that no one taught you about in sunday school."

💌 non-christian but still excellent resources:

[book] Hijab Butch Blues by Lamya H. A memoir by a butch hijabi that follows the experiences of the author through stories and figures from the Qur'an.

[book] Lean on Me: A Politics of Radical Care by Lynne Segal. Questions of care, intimacy, education, meaningful work, and social engagement lie at the core of our ability to understand the world and its possibilities for human flourishing. In Lean On Me feminist thinker Lynne Segal goes in search of hope in her own life and in the world around her. She finds it entwined in our intimate commitments to each other and our shared collective endeavours.

i don't think these are precisely what you were looking for. but i hope these resources bring you as much peace and hope as they have brought me.

[miaqc1]

Scammers Warning. ‼️

Since there are a lot of them on Tumblr, here's a post about the scams I know.

Donation for "insulin or medicine." Someone you don't know will subscribe to you and send you an Ask or a DM. They will say they need money for insulin or medicine and leave you a Donation Link. They are scammers and you won't see your cash again if you give it to them.

Fake "Help for Palestine" GoFundMe or PayPal Donation. Same concept as #1. A scammer, sometimes they stole real identities of Palestinian people in need, will leave you a Ask or a DM asking for money to escape Gaza. While there are honest families on Tumblr that need help, many times it's a Scam Trap.

The "fake/tracer artists." Those are artists who will contact you for Commissions. If you buy one, you either will get a Traced Art or nothing at all while the scammer run off with your money. They will always ask you to pay via PayPal Friend & Family so you cannot chargeback. @salibadati is one of them. I lose 100 USD to her for "emergency medical help" in exchange of nothing + more money for other Commissions! Report and block her.

The "Fake E-Check" or "Art Muse" Scam. A so-called "artist" will contract you to do a painting or a wall art with one of your photos/drawings, etc and promise you money in return. They will put you in contact with their "client" on Discord. The client will then send you two e-checks (fake!) via email, ask you to put them in your bank account, then send them back 4/5 of the money via PayPal Friend & Family. You will never see your money again and, when the fake e-checks are refused by your bank, you can be penalized (and getting your account in the red!). I have lost 1.7K CAD (approx 1.2K USD!) to this scam this very week! Don't fall in like I did! The culprits are @rogersgrey7 at Tumblr and Pauldan008 on Discord. Rogers also use @Randomfactalready77 & @seekforbid. Report and block them.

UPDATE 2024-08-06

@rogersgrey7 & @Randomfactalready77 accounts are gone! YAY!

@seekforbid is still up. May be another scammer who do the same trick as Roger. @salibadati is still up but she seem to be inactive. (Except for donation scams?) Her other blog is @stais02.

Update 2024-12-25

@salibadati is still up & active. She asks for commissions & donations for "dogs in need." She even unblocked me and asked me for money via PM! The nerve. Her other blog is @stais02.

[springtrappd]

by far the most interesting bit of hw2's secret ending for me is that the achievement for reaching it is this:

...and we've seen pretty heavy associations between vanny and old man consequences from the beginning, with the old man who guides you throughout pq being coloured a similar deep red and referred to as OMC in the game files:

said old man is pretty odd. he's nowhere to be seen in pq1 (which opens with the princess waking up), but appears after it -- and remember, pq1 ends with the princess being consumed by the glitching rabbit amalgamation. instead, he appears to bookend pq2, giving the princess the sword of light and making what is either a typo or a reference i'm too young to get (sorry!). it's in this game that the princess gains the ability to control her own shadow... done by interacting with red lanterns.

(hey, look, there's the old man being replaced by a control flame... and yes, you do end pq2 by returning to your bedroom through the previously-shut door on its left. bookends!)

notably, the achievement you get for beating pq2 is called a double-edged sword.

(you don't get one for beating pq3, since that immediately leads into the good/'saviour' ending and its corresponding achievement, are you having fun yet?)

vanny is the consequence of glitchtrap's actions; he is the price you pay, and she is the result. "leave the demon to his demons", and all that.

[residences-of-the-darkforest]

Dark Forest Residences: Aphidsong & Charhoot [PART 1]

Aphidsong

TW: Abusive relationship, implied homophobia

Aliases / Nicknames: several unspecified insults (by Charhoot)

Gender: she-cat

Sexuality: omnisexual

Family: Misha (mother), unnamed biological father, Dogleaf (adoptive father), Larchtail (brother), Sunheart, Poppybird (half-sisters), Stoatbug (half-brother), Creeklight (mate, formerly)

Other Relations: Blossompool (mentor), Tansypaw (apprentice), Charhoot (best friend + pretend mate)

Clan: WindClan (formerly), ThunderClan (formerly), none

Rank: rogue (previously WindClan warrior, previously ThunderClan warrior)

Characteristics: easily excitable, people(cat)-pleaser, hyper, adventurous (all pre-injury), prone to nightmares, struggles to find joy in life, increasing rage (all post-injury)

Murder Motive: wanting her nightmares to end, wanting the cats that made her life hell to suffer

Number of Victims: 42 (in life)

Number of Murders: 26 (in life)

Murder Method: suffocating, attacking/slitting throat, poisoning herbs

Known Victims: Creeklight, Sloehoney, Shrewstar, unnamed ThunderClan cats

Victim Profile: her former mate/the cat who tried to kill her, the medicine cat of ThunderClan, the leader of ThunderClan, random ThunderClan cats

Cause of Death: poisoned

Cautionary Tale: ??

Story: 

Aphidsong's first memory was walking into the WindClan camp with her mother, just barely fitting beneath her belly where she hid alongside her brother.

Though it was hazy, she remembered the fear that mixed with awe when she looked around at all the cats, more than she even thought existed in the world, all staring at her and her family.

The fact that the first hints of the cruel, prejudicial life of the Clans can be caught in those earliest moments could be considered upsetting, to say the least, but Aphid, only two moons old then, had failed to notice the unsure and downright hostile glances some cats sent her, and her little ears couldn't pick up the arguments made to send the little family out for the crime of not having warrior blood. Or perhaps her brain had not understood the gravity of what they were saying and simply chose for her to forget.

By the time she was old enough to see the glances or hear the comments and know what they mean, most of her Clanmates had already stopped long ago, and now treated her, her brother, and her mother with as much respect as they would any blood-born Clanmate. The others consisted mainly of the elders who were stuck in their ways, and though they frustrated her greatly, she knew not to take them seriously.

It didn't hurt that a warrior, Dogleaf, caught feelings for Misha shortly after she joined the Clan and became the adoptive father of Aphid--now Aphidkit and Larch--now Larchkit.

Her kithood, apprenticeship, and early warriorhood were filled with little triumphs, shared laughter, and a spark of curiosity for every new thing she came across. It was the happiest time of her life. She later came to realize that much of that joy came from ignorance.

The first sign--or at least, the first sign that she noticed--appeared through her best friend, Charhoot. They had been close for moons and Aphidsong knew her friend to be nonchalant and easy-going, so when he became visibly stressed, she became concerned.

He confessed that he had been getting more and more pressure from his family to find a mate, and that it was getting to the point where he couldn't have a single conversation with any of them without them bringing it up, whether they were trying to convince him in earnest or were looking to tease him for his lack of a pretty she-cat by his side.

Aphidsong had joked that of course he has a pretty she-cat by his side, she's right here! It was only meant to be a joke, of course, she felt no romantic feelings for Charhoot, who was more of a brother than anything else. Meanwhile, he too felt no romantic feelings for her, nor any she-cat--which was the problem.

That was all it was at first, a joke. They had both laughed then before talking more and then moving on. But as time passed, the pressure from Charhoot's family grew, until he couldn't go a single second without the thought of it causing him immense stress.

Aphidsong and Charhoot had talked seriously then. They both vehemently agreed that neither liked the other in that way, but decided that for the sake of getting the pressure off of Charhoot's back, they would become 'mates.'

They wouldn't really be mates, it would simply be a fake relationship so that Charhoot didn't have to hear more comments about how time was running out. They didn't pretend to be more lovey and continued to act the same way around each other as they always had, justifying that they could act however they wanted, no one could prove that they weren't mates. Though when some cats said how they "always knew" or how Charhoot and Aphidsong were "meant for each other," both friends wanted to barf. It was even harder not to laugh.

Things were okay for a while. Then Charhoot's parents decided that their son finding a good mate wasn't enough--they wanted grandkits.

No, no. Stars, no.

Neither Aphidsong nor Charhoot were even going to consider that, and both had to only look at each other to see the same "that's disgusting, we're not doing that" look reflected in the other's eyes.

Worse yet, Charhoot's parents talked to Aphidsong's, and now the pressure was coming from both sides. The friends told their families that they weren't ready for that, but it became apparent that they couldn't keep that excuse forever. The more time that passed, the more insistent their families would be, and what would they tell them then? That they can't have kits because they have been lying to them for moons and had never actually been mates? The fallout of that conversation was not one they were willing to witness.

In attempts to avoid the topic entirely, Aphidsong and Charhoot took any reason they could get to stay out of the camp. When they weren't on patrol, either together or separately, they were 'spending quality time together.' To their families, that meant...well, they didn't care to know what they thought it meant, but for them it meant that they could hang out together as best friends without any 'aw, what good mates' remarks or judgements of how the Clan should be expecting kittens soon--gross. They could just be friends and hang out.

One day, Charhoot had left the camp before Aphidsong, who had been assigned den-repair duty. When she had finally been able to leave, hoping to catch up with him after catching a young grouse, she followed his scent trial to WindClan's far border.

There, she found him meeting with another tom with a perfectly circular nick in his ear.

He was flustered and embarrassed to be caught, while she was embarrassed to intrude. At first, Charhoot began to quickly say how they were just talking and Charhoot wanted to be polite, but then as his breathing slowed and he had a chance to think for a moment who he was justifying himself to, he dropped the lies quickly and told her the truth.

Charhoot had met the tom while on a solo-patrol when the tom spotted him from atop the barn that was his home and called out. Charhoot had never seen a cat on top of the barn before, so his curiosity was instantly piqued.

Charhoot admitted that he kept meeting with the barn cat--Mustache, and that he had caught feelings quickly.

Aphidsong had no qualms against her friend meeting with a cat from outside the Clan, whether or not it was for romantic purposes. She was only thrilled to see him so happy and in love. She offered to be his alibi, saying that she and him could leave the camp together and return together, and he and Mustache could meet up in the time between.

With more time to herself to hunt and patrol, it wasn't too long before Aphidsong was also meeting with a tom on the border. Creeklight was as funny as he was kind, Aphidsong's first impression of him being when he tumbled into the stream that separated their Clans after leaping into the air to catch a blackbird. She had been unable to resist laughter, and instead of becoming angry or ashamed, he just laughed with her until both had trouble breathing.

Now that both friends had a love outside of the Clans and both knew of the other's love, doubts began to crawl in, concerns that they expressed to each other.

If they hated living in their Clan so much that they avoided camp every day, should they just leave? They still loved their families dearly, and had other good friends that would make it tough to part. At the same time, they hadn't been as happy in recent moons as they have been after meeting with their respective mates. Their true mates. Maybe they should embrace that happiness, that freedom.

After thinking on it long and hard, Charhoot was the first to go, leaving for the barn after Aphidsong encouraged him to take the leap. Though they no longer lived in the same Clan, the friends kept in touch. Charhoot showed Aphidsong around the farm, and she would come to visit as frequently as possible.

Without her friend in the Clan with her, Aphidsong felt her connection to WindClan was growing weaker and weaker, while her bond with Creeklight was increasing.

Finally, inspired by Charhoot and how much happier he seemed to be with his love and away from the pressures of his parents, she decided that she, too, could take the leap.

It went downhill from there.

The ThunderClan cats protested greatly against letting her in. Being a Clan-swapper was bad enough, the fact that she wasn't Clanborn only made it worse.

Aphidsong was surprised. She had thought her heritage was long passed her. She served her Clan all her life. The only reason she was leaving it was to be with someone that she loved.

Shrewstar, ThunderClan's leader, was as hostile as his most vocal warriors, and made sure to let Aphidsong know, publicly, that the only reason he was allowing her to stay was for Creeklight's sake.

Aphidsong wondered if Creeklight would have been met with the same level of opposition had he been the one to join her. Somehow, she knew the answer was no.

It was worth it, though. She could freely be with Creeklight, able to patrol with him and share tongues and sleep in the same nest without having to sneak around or worry about getting caught.

It was harder to see Charhoot then, due to now having WindClan between them, but the friends still worked to see each other. Charhoot knew of the situation--Aphidsong had told him before she left, and together they came up with a plan to follow the stream just past the ThunderClan and WindClan borders whenever they wanted to hang out.

That was easier said than done. Between being a new addition to the Clan and not having the full trust of her Clanmates to be alone while on patrol and the longer trek for both cats, the opportunity to meet up was fewer and fewer.

One day, the meeting was witnessed by Hazelfox, Creeklight's sister who never shied from letting her distaste of his relationship known. She had confronted Aphidsong when she had returned to ThunderClan, and brought her right before Shrewstar and the rest of the Clan, despite Aphidsong's pleads for silence.

Aphidsong had tried to say that she was only meeting with her friend, but because of the lie she and Charhoot had created, cats were quick to accuse her of infidelity. It didn't make sense for Aphidsong to move farther away from Charhoot in order to meet up with him, but no reasoning Aphidsong could come up with would change their minds.

Life in ThunderClan became harder for Aphidsong after that. The few friendships she was able to form had evaporated within seconds now that everyone believed her to be a cheater, and those that already disliked her joining the Clan became outright venomous. She couldn't so much as walk across the camp without having several pairs of eyes staring daggers at her.

Now, she was a former loner, Clan-swapper, and a cheater who probably manipulated poor Creeklight, who all of sudden is not a traitor but instead a poor tom who was blinded by love.

Creeklight was a whole other issue, as he didn't believe Aphidsong, either.

Aphidsong had tried desperately to tell him the truth, to get him to believe her, but she couldn't tell him why she and Charhoot are only friends now after being 'mates' for moons, she couldn't tell him that it was all a lie because even if word didn't spread to her and Charhoot's families, she didn't want to out Charhoot to a cat he hardly knew. It hurt worse than shattered bones to see Creeklight so devastated, and living with ThunderClan would be incredibly hard, but she would rather have cats think poorly of her than think poorly of Charhoot.

Creeklight didn't break up with her, as Aphidsong had expected, albeit with a heavy heart, but he wanted her to prove her loyalty to him.

She had pointed out that she left her Clan and family to be with him, but he was insistent, claiming that he could never be sure if she truly loved him or truly loved Charhoot, not without having his kits. If they became a family, it would solidify their relationship, as well as Aphidsong's place in the Clan.

Aphidsong had told him before that she wasn't sure if she would ever have kits, a fact she reminded him of. Perhaps, one day, she would, but today was not anywhere near that day.

When she refused, he acted pitiful and sad, claiming that her refusal was proof, that if she loved him she would do it, that they were going to have kits one day, so why not now?

The pushier he was, the angrier Aphidsong became. She would be damned if she was going to put herself through two moons of pregnancy, six moons of sitting around in the nursery, and to top it off, a lifetime of motherhood--something she wasn't even sure if she wanted at all yet--just to appease him. Not to mention how painful the labor itself would be!

He became angry too, until the argument became a shouting match and Aphidsong decided that if he couldn't trust her without her mutilating her body for him, than they should just break up.

Terrified at that and enraged all at once, Creeklight shoved at Aphidsong without thinking. She stumbled back, nearly losing her footing on a ravine's edge. He blinked at her, shocked, but instead of helping her right herself, he pushed at her again and sent her tumbling down onto the rocks below.

Aphidsong couldn't remember much after that second shove, but she didn't black out. There was pain, she knew that, hot fire scorched across her face. She felt a wetness pooling around her body, and half the world was darker than usual.

She would later learn that she was in a state of shock after a patrol had found her and lifted her out. Apparently Creeklight was remorseful and told the Clan what had happened when he got back. Or, well, he told them that she 'fell'.

Again, no one believed her. She hissed at Creeklight, demanding he stay away. She tried to tell the medicine cat who bandaged her face, tried to tell Shrewstar, heck, she tried to tell anyone who was within earshot to hear her.

They thought she was either misremembering things after her head trauma, had simply been confused, or that she was downright making things up.

Creeklight, meanwhile, went unpunished. He was nothing but a hardworking, noble warrior with a heart of gold, still able to love and bring supplies to the she-cat that cheated on him and accused him of harming her.

It would be a lie to say that Aphidsong didn't doubt herself. Was she remembering wrong? What if Creeklight really had been trying to help her?

No.

If it had happened once, maybe there would be a chance she was wrong, but he did it twice. He had pushed her, and he did it deliberately, and now he was the hero who ran to the camp for help, a loving mate for always checking on her, and she was the heartless fox for snapping at him to leave every time he came near her.

She didn't care if he regretted it, as he had tried to tell her when no one else was around to hear. The fact of the matter was that he did it, and he did it because she dared refuse to have his kits.

She missed Charhoot.

She wanted to see him again, to go back to the days when everything was fine, when everything was happy. But she was confined to the medicine den for the next who-knew how long. She didn't know how badly she was injured, there were no puddles in the camp to see her reflection. She only knew that bandages covered much of her face, and that she couldn't see out of her one eye anymore.

Even if she could leave, Aphidsong wasn't sure if she had the energy to. Sorrow weighed heavily on her chest, pulling her into a pit of deep depression that she saw no light in. If she wasn't sleeping, either dreaming of the blissful days of younger-year or having nightmares of her life now, she was staring blankly at the wall.

Sometimes, something would set her off. The sound of a rock smacking onto the ground as kits played pebble-toss, the wind picking up as it had then, or even nothing at all. It all gave her intense, uncontrollable anxiety so deep it shook her bones.

Though not unsympathetic to these episodes, Sloehoney, the medicine cat, never gave her anything more than poppy seeds. He told her that he would consider something more if her episodes persisted longer than a moon, but she had overheard him talking to Shrewstar just outside of the den, claiming that WindClan warriors were fragile, and loners even more so, and that he was sure her apparent symptoms felt real to her, but she was probably just being dramatic. Shrewstar didn't argue, instead he agreed and suggested that Aphidsong was only making things seem worse than it was to get out of work. After all, she had been in the medicine den for nearing four moons now.

Had it really been so long?

Aphidsong was shocked. The days had melted together, and her sleep schedule was off. Still, four entire moons? Those were moons she would never get back, a chunk of her life gone all because of Creeklight, and the bastard got off scot-free, able to experience every day like it was nothing, like just having to wake up wasn't the hardest thing in the world.

Then a miracle happened. He fell sick.

Aphidsong was wary at first, fur bristling as he was moved into the medicine den with her. She spent the next several days backed against the wall, as far from him as she was able to get. In those days, she watched as he grew weaker and weaker, staying awake for less time, forming less coherent sentences.

She saw as Sloehoney only had to nudge at his lips for Creeklight to open his mouth to swallow down the medicine he needed, not even opening his eyes anymore to see what was being fed to him.

Technically speaking, that was when an idea began to form, though at the time there was a disconnect between Aphidsong's mind and her body. No plan was formed that she was consciously aware of, no step-by-step strategy or devise scheme.

She slipped out of camp on her body's accord. Her mind was elsewhere, numb, unable to so much as take in the feel of the grass beneath her paws or the clear night sky above her. It had been forever since she had seen it.

When those berries were in her paws, when her eyes--eye was looking at it, that's when everything came rushing to her and Aphidsong jumped back with the same terror as if she had been pounced on by a fox.

Had she really been about to do it?

She looked around wildly, at the shadows around her, hearing the hoot of an owl in the distance. She shouldn't be out here, she shouldn't be doing...what was she about to do? She began to run back in the direction of the camp.

In her haste, Aphidsong slipped in mud, and landed with a thump and splash in a puddle.

Her bandages had been removed at this point, but this was the first time she was out of camp, and the first time she saw...

It was horrible.

Laying, bruised, partially caked in mud and drenched in water, she could only stare down at the face that she couldn't recognize. The scar was ugly, red, digging from her cheek to her ear, nearly splitting her face in two. The eye it covered was closed shut. Aphidsong wasn't sure if she could open it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to, or if she wanted to see...

Her good eye was wrong, too. It wasn't marked, wasn't even scratched, but it held a darkness beneath them, heavy bags that marked her face as clearly as the scar. Her ears drooped low, as did seemingly everything about her.

Who was this cat? This wasn't her. She was Aphidsong, happy, cheerful, energetic, and loud. This cat...this was a stranger. This wasn't the she-cat that had rolled down the hills with her brother. This wasn't the apprentice that got scolded for laughing too much during training. It wasn't the she-cat who could still smile and have fun, even when her family was pressuring her.

No, this cat was...

It couldn't be her...

It couldn't be her!

What had happened to her?!

What had that bastard done to her?!

With energy she hadn't felt in moons, Aphidsong stood and raced back to camp. This time, her mind was clear. Focused. She wasn't going to stop herself this time.

Any cat awake didn't notice her, because they were distracted by a Clanmate's active labor in the nursery. That also meant that Sloehoney was out of the den, and probably wouldn't be back for a while.

Aphidsong hadn't went back for the deathberries. She didn't need them. She stood over Creeklight, her shadow making him blink open his eyes. She only allowed him a moment to see her, to know who was there, before she held him down with her paws, suffocating him as she forced his muzzle into her fur.

His struggles were muffled and weakened by sickness. Before too long, Creeklight's movements stilled as he went limp. Aphidsong's heart pounded, the sound echoing through her ears. She got up and returned to her nest, pretending to fall asleep, staring at the opposite wall, eye wide at what she had just done.

She had just killed someone.

She was a murderer.

And yet...no guilt sunk in.

Aphidsong didn't regret what she did, nor did she take pleasure in it. Rage guided her paws, but so did the belief that if Creeklight was gone, the nightmares would stop. If he was dead, then she could go back to normal.

Things just weren't so easy.

Aphidsong sat for the vigil. She didn't do it for him, she just didn't want more cats on her back if she avoided it. She listened to the fond memories they shared, how Creeklight was such a good Clanmate and friend and how much everyone in ThunderClan would miss him. She wanted to scream at them all, remind them of what he had done to her, the agony he had put her through. She wanted to show them how horrible he truly was, but they didn't believe her then. None of them believed her. Why would that change now?

She wondered what would be said at her own vigil when the time came. Did any of these cats even know her? Did any of them even care to learn who she was? How many knew that her favourite prey was wagtail? Or that she hated leaf-bare but loved to catch snowflakes when they first began to fall?

Would they say anything nice about her? Or would they not say anything at all?

Four moons in the medicine den, and not one cat had stopped by to visit her, her attacker not included. Well, that wasn't true. Hazelfox stopped by to yell at her for 'spreading lies' about her brother.

Aphidsong wanted to leave. Needed to. Her parents and brother must hate her for abandoning them. Would they take her back if she begged? She decided that giving it a shot would be better than life here. If they turned her down, she could always go to the barn. She knew Charhoot wouldn't turn her away.

But Aphidsong couldn't leave just yet. She was out of the medicine den by this time, her face as healed as it could get. But all that time spent sitting or laying down had weakened her legs. She couldn't walk without stumbling. She had thought she would be fine, after all, she had managed to run in the forest before, but apparently her spiraling thoughts and high adrenaline had distracted her from the pain in her limbs.

She needed a little more time before she would be able to make the trek to WindClan's border, where all of this started. She should have never met Creeklight. She should have never left everything for him. She thought that she would have a fresh start, a new life. She hadn't thought that everything would be taken from her and nothing would be left. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Finally, when she was sure she could make it, she headed for Shrewstar's den. She wasn't going to leave without a word, not that these cats deserved her reasoning. But when she neared, she overheard him discussing the kits' apprenticeship.

He and Longhowl thought carefully about each young cat, carefully choosing which mentor would fit specific personalities and temperaments.

Then the conversation moved on to Tansykit, an abandoned loner found on the edge of the territory. They talked about how much trouble she would have keeping up with the warrior-blooded apprentices, how her adoptive mother tried to toughen her up, but Tansykit would complain that she was mean. They laughed about it, chuckling about loners and their soft hearts. Longhowl suggested someone tough for her, someone stern and strong and who would surely train the loner out of her.

Aphidsong's heart was racing. She had little time to move away so that it didn't look like she was eavesdropping when the conversation abruptly ended and Longhowl left the den. She didn't move in time, and he noticed her at the mouth of the den, questioning what she was doing.

Aphidsong told him that she had to speak with Shrewstar and slipped past him before she could say anything.

Now was her chance.

She would tell Shrewstar that she was going to leave, and then she would, and all of this, all of the bad memories and pain and the horrible thing she had to do would be behind her. She would return to WindClan and be with her family and friends and cats that loved her and she would visit Charhoot every day and she would laugh again and share food with other cats and she would sleep without being woken up by nightmares, and she would....she would....

Shrewstar asked her what she wanted.

She opened her mouth, tongue going dry.

Then, without really thinking, hardly knowing she was speaking, she told him that she wanted to mentor Tansykit.

He seemed unsure at first, but she told him that she wanted to make up for the moons she spent healing and unable to contribute, how as a former loner herself, she would know the best way to handle someone like Tansykit. She was insistent, near demanding, until Shrewstar gave in with a shrug and agreed.

Aphidsong left the den, wondering what the hell she had just done.

It was a choice made without real thought, and one that she would spend that night clawing at herself for.

But when it came time for Tansypaw's apprentice ceremony, seeing the glow in the young she-cat's eyes as well as the nervous flick of her tail, her regret loosened its grip and a wave of affection washed over her.

In the next several moons as she trained the apprentice and gotten to know her, that regret disappeared completely. The affection, meanwhile, strengthened tenfold.

Aphidsong loved Tansypaw. The little cat was so full of energy and a desire to learn, taking in the world around her with wide eyes, and a smile on her face even when she messed up. She reminded Aphidsong of herself at that age, though the two also had many differences. Tansypaw preferred hunting over fighting, her sense of humour differed from Aphidsong's, she struggled to sleep at night and was tough to wake at dawn, while Aphidsong was a deep-sleeper and an early riser.

Those things were so small and unimportant. Aphidsong didn't care if Tansypaw's favourite meal was mice feet. How could that matter to her when Tansypaw's giggly smile could light up a moonless night?

It was exactly what Aphidsong needed. She had spent so long being sad and alone and angry and numb. For the first time in what must have been forever, she felt like herself again.

Tansypaw would make jokes, and Aphidsong would laugh, before silently gasping and wondering how long it had been since the last time she had laughed like that.

There were sadder moments, too. Tansypaw knew of the things other cats would say about her, and when she struggled with something, she would blame herself for being so weak.

Aphidsong refused to allow her to think such things. When Tansypaw apologized for struggling, for not being able to keep up because she was stupid, Aphidsong would sit with her and hold her close. And when Tansypaw stopped rambling and took a breath, Aphidsong would assure her that she is smart and capable, and she just needs more time, and that was okay.

She would calmly ask Tansypaw what parts were confusing her, what tasks she was struggling with, and would listen to the apprentice until they could figure out together where the problem was. Sometimes it was something as simple as the way Aphidsong worded her directions.

At first, Tansypaw blamed herself for not understanding, thinking it should be so easy and she was an idiot for not getting it. After talking with Aphidsong, she became more and more comfortable with speaking up when she was having trouble. Every time, Aphidsong would listen to her patiently and explain things in a different way. Sometimes she would have to go further than that, using visuals to help explain.

Never once did she sigh or roll her eyes or show the slightest bit of annoyance. She knew that if she had left that day, Tansypaw's mentor wouldn't have been nearly as patient. The poor thing would be miserable.

Aphidsong couldn't keep her safe forever.

During a harsh leaf-bare, Aphidsong and the apprenticeless patrol she was with was caught in a sudden snowstorm. Though no cat had gotten frostbite, their condition was bad enough to keep them confined to camp for the next two days.

Tansypaw was given to another warrior to train while Aphidsong recovered. Aphidsong listed everything the temporary mentor, Billowpelt, needed to know, including the fact that Tansypaw greatly struggled with balance and that he should avoid any place covered in slippery ice. She suggested he stick to the mossy clearing, where the moss gave something Tansypaw could grip onto, and the overhead trees blocked out most of the snowfall.

Billowpelt hadn't listened.

That stupid, worthless tom! He had taken Tansypaw to the iciest part of the territory, explaining later that he had thought Aphidsong was going too soft on Tansypaw and that it was the best way for Tansypaw to learn how to balance without issue.

Instead, she had slipped, snapping her neck.

Aphidsong had been too shocked to say anything right away. But then came the vigil. When Billowpelt spoke, he didn't apologize for causing Tansypaw's death, for deliberately putting her safety in jeopardy. No, he put on a frown and stated that maybe it was for the better, that loners like Tansypaw couldn't make it in Clan life and it was better she died now, quickly, then suffer more in the future when she was unable to fight in battle or hunt in another leaf-bare.

He made it seem like it was all her fault, her own death, and not one cat--not even Tansypaw's adoptive parents or littermates--spoke against it.

Aphidsong couldn't take it. She lunged at Billowpelt, tackling him to the ground and clawing as she screamed. Screamed at him for not listening, screamed at him for blaming Tansypaw for dying when he should have protected her, screamed at him for calling Tansypaw a weak loner when it was comments like that that made Tansypaw doubt herself in the first place.

She was a good cat, a really good cat!

He clawed her back, and the two were caught in a whirlwind of tooth and claws until finally several cats got between them and pulled them apart.

Shrewstar snapped at Aphidsong, demanding how she dare disrupt a vigil in such an awful way. Didn't she care a cat was dead?

Aphidsong had glared at him, glared at all of them. She yelled how none of them truly cared, they were just pretending to. They looked at Tansypaw, a bright and curious young cat, and saw nothing but another mouth to feed, a waste of space, a cat that was useless because she wasn't born with warrior-blood. There was so much more to Tansypaw. Even when she was exhausted from a long training session, she never let Aphidsong leave without a smile on her mentor's face. Even when she was hurt and struggling, and even when her own littermates teased her, she would worry about them and how they were doing. She was the kindest, funniest, most amazing cat in all the Clans, but not one of her Clanmates other than Aphidsong even knew it because all anyone else could see was a weakling loner.

The Clan was cowed, ducking their heads as Aphidsong stopped to eye every single one of them. Then she spat, telling them that she hoped the frost kills them all, before leaving without another word.

She hated them, hated every single one.

She hated Creeklight for trying to manipulate her. She hated him for trying to murder her and scarring her for life, and she hated that he never confessed to the truth when everyone thought she was lying.

She hated the whole of ThunderClan for thinking she was lying about something so horrible. Not one cat--not one cat--believed her. No one in that Clan ever stood up for her. They all just left her to rot in the medicine den, going by their days as if she weren't completely breaking down.

The few friends she thought she had made when she first joined turned their backs on her without a second thought, without hearing her out.

She knew that Shrewstar hated her for being WindClan. For being a loner. Sloehoney, too. All that time with him and the two have never grown close. Sloehoney had always treated her like a burden to be delt with rather than a cat to help or friend to talk to.

It was all their fault that Aphidsong's old self is such a stranger to her. It was all their fault that Tansypaw was always so anxious she would screw up, because they judged her more than the others because she had loner-blood. It was all their fault that Tansypaw died.

Why did they deserve to live when Tansypaw was rotting beneath the ground, meal to the worms?

That's just it.

They didn't.

Plans began to form, the first of which were inefficient.

Aphidsong saw a warrior hunting on their own and attacked, but though she had managed to end the ThunderClanner's life, it had been a struggle that left her panting for breath. There was no way she could deal with all of the Clan like this.

She pulled the body into the stream so that her scent couldn't be traced. They would likely suspect her, but room for speculation gave her room to escape.

As she sat on the bank, her eyes drifted, stopping on two red berries shining in the starlight.

Poisoning the prey didn't work as she had hoped. No one grabbed the already-dead mice and birds, perhaps thinking that they were sick. Getting living animals to eat poison wasn't exactly a cake-walk either, and the one vole that was stupid enough to take the bait didn't survive the poison long enough to be hunted.

Aphidsong was growing increasingly frustrated. She was about to take her anger out on a tree trunk when movement caught her eye and she ducked, sheathing her claws.

It was Sloehoney, out and looking for....herbs.

It was perfect! Cats digested them, put them on open wounds, and because the victims would be cats already sick or injured, no one would notice something was wrong until it was too late!

As soon as Sloehoney was gone, Aphidsong got to work. She knew exactly which plants were herbs and which weren't, having spent four moons beside then.

She would take deathberries and squeeze their juice out and onto the plants, making sure they were nice and coated.

She wasn't sure how well the juice worked in respect to the rest of the berry, so she made sure to shake it up now and again. Some deadly nightshade here, some yew there, some holly berries sprinkled between.

After a while, she couldn't stand not being able to see them all suffer, so she crept toward the hollow slowly and carefully until finally she reached the cliff's edge and peered down below.

It was a delight to see how few cats were in camp. She guessed the rest were either all in the medicine den or beneath the ground. Though she was a fair distance away, she could see how exhausted Shrewstar was, worry for his Clanmates wearing him down, and she smiled at his misery.

She couldn't find Sloehoney. She wondered if all that handling the tainted herbs had killed him.

It was finally time to leave. She covered as many herbs as she could find one final time for good measure, before setting off across the border.

She stopped at the stream where she had dropped the body a moon earlier, where she had met Creeklight and made the worst decision of her life. Taking back that decision in one movement, she leapt over the stream and landed back on WindClan territory. She had slipped a little, her vision not being what it used to be, but it still felt as good as a clean landing on a thin precipice.

She considered going back home, but she knew it was too late for that. Maybe she would stay with Charhoot at the barn. Maybe she would explore and make up for the time she lost.

Before any of that, though, she had to eat.

Charhoot

TW: homophobia

Aliases / Nicknames: Hon, Hoots, Char, Love, Dear, Sweetie, several unspecified insults (by Aphidsong)

Gender: tom

Sexuality: homosexual

Family: unnamed biological mother, unnamed biological father, Sprigbirch (adoptive mother), Adderstripe (adoptive father), Mitecloud, Flecktooth (adoptive brothers), Mustache, Ferret (mates)

Other Relations: Billowweed (mentor), Marsh, Cone, Rubble, Max III, Boo, Marbles, Fliss, Toby, Rebel, Slink [Slinky Malinky], Shebee (flings/situationships), Aphidsong (best friend + pretend mate)

Clan: WindClan (formerly), none

Rank: barn cat (previously WindClan warrior, previously travelling loner)

Characteristics: somehow incredibly geeky and incredibly cool at the same time, loves sharp things, overconfident in his own abilities

Motive to Harm: N/A

Number of Victims: 0

Number of Murders: 0

Murder Method: N/A

Method of Harm: N/A

Known Victims: N/A

Victim Profile: N/A

Cause of Death: prolonged inversion (blood pooling in the brain)

Cautionary Tale: ??

Story:

He loved the family he was adopted by. Sprigbirch was loving and incredibly protective, and Adderstripe always gave them the best gifts whenever he returned from a patrol. Neither ever treated Charkit differently from their biological sons, who were two moons older than he was, and they never bothered Charkit for not being Clanborn.

While Charhoot wished to know who his biological parents were and their reasons for leaving him, it wasn't so important that it weighed on his mind as anything more than a mild interest. He was sure they did what they thought was best, either because he remembered how thin they had been when he last saw them, memories that replayed in his mind as fuzzy dreams, or because he wanted to believe in the best of them. It was easier that way.

Aphidkit was soon to become an apprentice by the time Charkit was old enough to explore the camp, and she took it upon herself to show the young one around, excitedly pointing out the different areas--best places to hide for hide-and-seek, the dens, and every detail both important and nonconsequential. She was so eager, she was more energetic than the younger kit.

The two formed a quick bond then, a relationship that would only grow and strengthen as time went on, until eventually that friendly relationship would need to become an outwardly-appearing courtship.

Charhoot thought he could ignore the comments at first, just brush his parents off. They bothered his brothers too, so the pressure was at least spread between them, but then Mitecloud and Flecktooth both found mates and Adderstripe's and Sprigbirch's attention narrowed right on him.

He wasn't sure if he could just tell them the truth--he didn't know of anyone in WindClan or any Clan that was like him. Every she-cat liked a tom, every tom liked a she-cat. If he told his family that he liked toms, how would they react?

He couldn't tell them directly. Instead, he tried to bring up same-sex relationships in a general sense to gauge their reactions, lying that he had seen two loners a while across the border that were cuddling like mates, though both were toms. Interesting, wasn't it? What did they think?

While neither Adderstripe nor Sprigbirch seemed outright disgusted by the idea, which was a relief, both made it clear that such a relationship is good for loners, but not Clan cats. Clan cats need to be sure that each generation would provide kits for the next, and that simply couldn't happen if two toms were mates or two she-cats were mates.

That was that, then. Charhoot couldn't tell them. He couldn't tell anyone, only Aphidsong, who already guessed it because she had caught him mooning over another tom at the gathering once when they were apprentices

Though Charhoot's 'relationship' with Aphidsong provided temporary shelter against the barrage of 'hurry ups' and 'find a pretty she-cat,' it couldn't protect Charhoot against the pain that was building inside.

Having a fake mate to get his parents off his back was one thing, but Charhoot wondered more and more if he would never get to live with a real mate who he actually romantically loved if he kept living in the Clans.

Perhaps that is why he was so intrigued when Mustache first called out to him, and why he kept going back more and more.

He was grateful to Aphidsong for covering for him. Stars, he was so grateful to her for everything.

Even when he told her that he was considering leaving the Clan to live with Mustache, she wasn't angry. She only smiled, always so cheerful, and encouraged him to take the leap. By this time, he knew that she had her own out-of-WindClan relationship, and gave her the same advice.

Leaving WindClan was the best decision Charhoot had ever made, but that didn't mean he wasn't scared out of his mind when he did it. He worried if he was making the wrong choice, wondered how hurt his parents and other friends were.

At the same time, the air felt so much less constricting. The world felt bigger, brighter, and Charhoot was eager to explore it. He looked around his new home with awe.

The more he was away, the more the guilt slowly evaporated. Charhoot found it easier to sleep, and that the cold ice in his chest was gone.

That bad feeling returned, however, when again and again Aphidsong failed to meet up with him. He began to worry for her safety, but when he had tried to visit, he was chased off by a patrol, who yelled at him to leave her alone, as she had a 'new mate now.'

He didn't hold it against her, he doubted she even knew anyone was chasing him off, and at least their words confirmed that she was alive and okay. Maybe she was just too busy now, having to show her new Clan she was trustworthy, moving in with her new mate.

Charhoot thought of it, and smiled for her. He loved her and hoped to see her again, but if they were both happy with their lives, then what was the rush?

Without her, and without his parents and other connections other than Mustache, Charhoot found less of a reason to stay. He loved Mustache and part of him wanted to remain mates and stay there in the barn with him, but the other part wanted to grab onto the wind and have it carry him all over the world. He had the freedom to explore places he never would have back in WindClan, the chance to meet new cats and see new things, and after debating it for several days, he decided he couldn't let that go.

He gave Mustache one final nuzzle good-bye, before setting off.

The world was bigger than he could have ever dreamed of, with so many sights and sounds and animals he had never seen before, not even in the Elders' stories.

Too, he met many cats on his exploration, including many toms. Some of them he only met with once or for a few days, others travelled with him for some time. Every single one of them held a special place in his heart, as they each gave him the life he used to think he could never have, even if only for a short time.

He felt the pull to explore for many moons. Then, after a while, he felt the pull to go back home.

He reunited with Mustache and met the new barn cat, Ferret, both of whom he would become mates with--again, for one of them.

He still thought of his parents, his brothers, and of course, of Aphidsong, all of whom he hoped to see again soon.

Additional Information: 

--LINK TO PART 2: CURRENTLY TBA

--BASES:

Charhoot's base is by @/Splasharooni here!

Aphidsong's base is by AlaskanCat on DeviantArt

--I know Charhoot's kind of ends suddenly, but it transitions cleanly with part 2's beginning!

--Aphidsong ate an animal that ate an herb that she poisoned, thus accidentally poisoned herself. I like the idea that she ate a shrew, as it's kinda funny/poetic (Shrewstar can go f himself though).

--Charhoot's circular ear-nick comes from the farmers, who use it as a way to tag their cats.

--Aphidsong's scars (other than the main one) come from her fight with Billowpelt and from when she attacked and killed the one random ThunderClan cat.

--Charhoot's parents don't think that same-sex relationships is wrong, but they are narrow minded and don't consider other possibilites like surrogacy, so they think that the only way they can have grandkits is if all their sons are in relationships with she-cats.

--Misha and Dogleaf had their own litter of kits sometime after Aphidsong left, and they are her half-siblings. She never knew they existed though because no one told her.

[sylviareviar]

So I've read sporadically on your YGO verse, can you give a summary on it?

Sure thing!

Sylvia's Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's story follows the events of the anime going alongside Yusei, but it also ties in events from three games in the World Championship series: 2009 - Stardust Accelerator, 2010 - Reverse of Arcadia, and 2011 - Over the Nexus. If you want the specifics, I'll try to keep it brief, but it's really hard. There's a lot of details to her journey.

...oh god, it's so long. I am so sorry.

Season 1 (Fortune Cup and Dark Signers):

Her story starts a couple months before the events of the anime, where Rally finds her collapsed after a Runner crash with no memories. She has a suspicious mark on her arm-- in my verse, it looks like it's been burned into her skin over and over again, a gross scar that's been tattooed into her skin. Long story short, it's a Signer Mark, but a uniquely different one from the rest of the Signers. I call it the Mark of the Spine (fans call it the Mark of the Body, but that doesn't make as much sense to me).

After Sylvia recovers her wounds and gathers her courage, she follows Yusei out of Satellite and immediately gets kidnapped by the Arcadia Movement while Yusei duels Jack. Her memories get wiped again, she gets brainwashed, and her deck is taken away by Sayer. There, she befriends a few characters unique to the games, as well as Akiza (though it takes some time).

Sylvia goes through the Fortune Cup, her brainwashing gets dispelled, and she duels and loses either to Akiza or Yusei in the semi-finals or finals. She magically creates a Dragon-type Synchro monster that helps her fit the mold of a Signer (subconsciously), using her soul's life energy. After she loses, she gets held captive at the Arcadia Movement on one of the highest floors, and Yusei, Trudge, or Jack has to go save her. Yusei was forced into the Fortune Cup because his Satellite friends were held captive, so he begrudgingly had to leave her behind to check on them, since he knew Trudge still owed Sylvia his life for saving her in the Pipeline. During those events, Sylvia also jumped down to save Sayer, and her psychic friends followed her to strengthen her barrier. She succeeded in saving him, but she and her friends didn't get out unscathed.

After recovering from their injuries and waking up with Yusei's help, the Signers are called by Goodwin to inform them of their coming battle. Sylvia, despite lacking her memories, exhibits symptoms of potential traumatic abuse around him, and remains silent and unresponsive the entire time. Goodwin, on the other hand, looks thrilled to see her. Luna asks why Sylvia's mark is different from the ones they saw in the visions, and Goodwin's answer is that the fifth Signer passed away a few years ago, so the Crimson Dragon deigned to assign a new Signer. Sylvia picks up instantly on this lie. She realizes a crucial detail.

Her mark is fake. She's a fake Signer.

She still helps with dueling the Dark Signers, but doubts herself the whole way through. When they meet up with Crow, it turns out he'd met Sylvia once before-- in fact, he, Jack, and Yusei all had. Crow calls Sylvia 'Cloud Girl' because back then, she was dressed like a cowgirl and used Cloudians, not Weather Painters. He'd forgotten to ask for her name, so when she came and went through Satellite and just never came back, he felt bad. But he had left her with a token of his apology over a misunderstanding.

From there, Crow joined the fight with the Signers against the Dark Signers. Sylvia helped Luna with things involving the Spirit World, because she was the only one in the group who could, and dueled Roman Goodwin (the first time; the second time, Yusei beat him), then teamed up with Crow against Greiger. After the Dark Signer fights, the King of the Underworld was awakened.

When they found Goodwin as a Dark Signer, he started diabolically explaining everything; how he "created" Sylvia, how she was replaceable, because she wasn't a real Signer. That their fight was doomed from the start because there was never a fifth Signer to join their cause. Then he unveiled a small army of Sylvia clones, all androids, with her same Duel Disk, Signer Mark, and cheap, fake copies of her deck. All the standing Duelists had to face the fake Sylvias while she watched in horror, questioning her own existence.

Jack, Crow, and Yusei all called bullshit. They saw her capacity for feeling, her wish to help others, and her unique power of Creation. Turns out, surprising no one, Goodwin lied (whoop-de-doo). Sylvia was a test subject he plucked from the streets as a newbie Turbo Duelist under the guise of "sponsoring" her to replace her dinky Duel Runner and Duel Disk, and she was subjected to lots of experimentation. He knew she had the Power of Creation inherited from her birth mother, so he had her refine it and use it over and over again, rewriting her Cloudian cards into Weather Painters. But even after he went so far as to save Yusei's old Duel Runner and have it remodeled into Sylvia's current one, she still ungratefully stole her deck and Runner (and Duel Disk) and fled as soon as the project neared completion. That's when he scrapped her as a potential pawn in his plan and had her erased from existence on all network databases.

Except she survived, because Rally and Yusei saved her, and he realized he needed to tie her up as a loose end. She was a pest to him now, nothing more. So, naturally, Sylvia joined Yusei, Jack, and Crow in their final Turbo Duel against Goodwin, because fuck him. During the Turbo Duel, not only did Goodwin lose the full mark of the Crimson Dragon, but the Crimson Dragon itself appeared before Sylvia and personally accepted her as a real Signer, after seeing her genuine devotion to protecting the world and her friends from darkness. It erased her fake Signer Mark, which was scarred and burned into her skin, and healed her arm completely, creating a new, clean, real Signer Mark in an identical shape to the one she had before. Then it transferred the Mark of the Tail from Yusei to Crow, and gave Yusei the Mark of the Head.

Since then, Sylvia became a real Signer, and using her power, she Summoned Majestic Sky Dragon, fished Majestic Dragon out of the Graveyard, and passed it along to Yusei, who summoned Majestic Star Dragon. The world was saved thanks to them, and everyone lived happily ever after. Kinda.

There is still a Season 2.

Season 2 (WRGP):

Six months later, Sylvia still doesn't have all her memories back. While she remembers her time as Goodwin's guinea pig, as well as her childhood memories of being Luna's friend in the Spirit World when she was seven, she still remembers almost nothing else.

But that doesn't stop Toru and Misaki (from Over the Nexus) to come barreling into her life. Sylvia follows the episodic arcs pretty closely here, but spends somewhat less time with the Signers than before, because of Toru and Misaki.

Toru is Sylvia's adoptive older brother. He and her grew up together in a hick town in the middle of nowhere, and he has all kinds of embarrassing and cute stories about her past. But she doesn't remember him at all, which breaks his heart. He's about five years older than her (so while she's 16-17, he's 21-22). Five years ago, Toru got excited when he completed his Duel Runner (he made it from scratch) and ditched town without looking back. He expected Sylvia to follow him soon after. However, he then got news that she had died from Goodwin. He couldn't bring himself to look at any news or social media at the time, but Misaki showed up out of nowhere and shoved Fortune Cup footage in his face, revealing that she was alive. He hadn't been able to come to her after all this time, though, because of the chaos. Sector Security ran a tight ship; they prevented him from getting through at all.

The story here is a bit more straightforward. The events of Crash Town are the most important, because Sylvia and Toru were raised there. Sylvia goes to Crash Town a little after Toru (who had gotten a note from Nico and West as a call for help, and didn't think to tell anyone about it) right beside Yusei. There, she meets Klaus, her grandfather, and the person who gave her the Cloudians originally. Cloudians are his choice of deck, too.

Sylvia was raised in Crash Town after her and Toru's parents died in a Runner crash on the outskirts of the desert. Klaus had seen the chaos at the time and came rushing on horseback, only to find little five-year-old Toru holding an infant newborn Sylvia, both covered in blood and soot from the impact. Sylvia's biological father, Klaus's son, was among the wreckage. He took Toru and Sylvia home and raised them together. Toru then became more independent and started building his own Duel Runner, even despite Klaus's insistent disapproval, and as soon as it was done, he fled Crash Town. Sylvia had gone after him as soon as she came of age, but only with Klaus's approval.

As the war in Crash Town ramped up, he showed her to a secret bunker under her bed where Klaus had fixed up her father's old Runner. She took it and hesitantly left Klaus and her childhood friends Nico and West behind, chasing after Toru. Almost immediately as soon as she arrived in New Domino City, though, Goodwin got his hands on her.

Sylvia finally remembered everything from her past through the events of Crash Town, but only as Klaus and Sergio fell to their demise. She rescued Toru (who had been captured and forced into the mines before they arrived), Yusei, and Kalin and they returned to Crash Town. However, they were swarmed by Lawton's men, and even with backup, there were only so many of them, especially with Nico and West kept as hostages to ensure the townsfolk actually obeyed them.

That's when Klaus arrives, on horseback, with Sergio, still alive because he's a badass and I said so. He Turbo Duels Lawton (yes, still on horseback; he won't drive a Duel Runner if he doesn't have to) and wins, and that buys enough time for Sector Security to come and bring the place back into order. Everyone is saved, yippee!

Then comes the World Racing Grand Prix. Yusei wants to form Team 6D's, but Sylvia bows out, bringing the number down to 5. She instead forms Team Shining Storm with Toru and Misaki as the other two riders, and has her own Accel Synchro arc with Misaki, like Yusei does with Bruno. I'd like to point out here that at this point, Sylvia is pissed at everyone picking on poor Yusei. He gets like, kidnapped, ambushed, electrocuted, attacked, insulted, threatened... Her goal, in diverging her path from his, is to intercept his fate with her own, and hopefully take some heat off his back. (Also to spend some much-needed catch-up time with her brother because poor Toru thought she died because of him.)

As she Turbo Duels with her teammates and they qualify for the main event, Team New World rewrites the past to become part of the tournament. Sylvia masters Accel Synchro before Yusei, thanks to her Power of Creation assisting her, and during her Turbo Duel with Team 5D's, she even performs Omega Accel Synchro, which she learned from a mysterious woman called Mirage (spoiler alert: it's Misaki. Misaki is Mirage). Yusei beats her and Team 5D's go on to duel Team New World.

Although they win, Team New World completes the circuit and summons the grand temple where Z-One resides. Team Shining Storm and Team 5D's work together to face Z-One. It's revealed there that not only is Bruno Antinomy, but Misaki is Mirage. But while they look similar, they're actually unrelated. Antinomy is an android, who was created in the image of the young man he used to be before the Meklord Emperor invasion, and Misaki was a teenage girl who succeeded in Accel Synchro on her first try, mastered it quicker than anyone else, and basically became a time travel expert. Originally, she wanted to show Z-One that he had inspired her, and that his goal wasn't impossible. But then she saw he planned destructive events, so she acted accordingly on her own.

I'll need to do some more research to give Team Shining Storm some opponents to face while Z-One seeks out Yusei, but otherwise, after this fight, it's basically happily ever after, minus poor Antinomy still dying :( I can't save him, sadly...

And THAT is the entire story of how Sylvia goes through Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.

Oh god. That's so much. I'm so sorry.

[thunderingblacksteel]

Leon Cromwell and Guy Crimson's Meeting (3/3)

[stabknives]

Plenty of bad things happen to Richie. But what stung the most was definitely the day of the 'church burning' and the following committal.

Tw: Rape, assault, suicide baiting, attempted murder, implied future medical malpractice. Idk probably more but if that doesn't give you enough of a warning just don't click the read more.

It's important to note b4 this sordid tale begins: Richie and Christian never technically have 'traditional' sex. Christian pays Richie for a lot of things, both sexual and nonsexual, but there's no penetration involved. (Chris, has gotten at least 200 blowjobs from a crossdressing hooker that he beats on the regular: IM A VIRGIN!!!!) In Christian's mind, it's pure denial. They have never had sex. They will never have sex because Christian is waiting until he's married. Whatever he pays Richie for is a service.

It's no secret tht Richie delights in pushing Christian's buttons. That's what he does. They get together, they do the job, Richie needles Christian the whole time until Christian is a trembling mess of nerves, Christian pays Richie to relieve the tension. Sexually, violently, sometimes both. You get the picture.

Redd wants her money, above all. She's homeless, and she's in debt with some seriously nasty people. She needs all the money she can get. She's willing to put up with a lot from Christian, because they rely on each other, and Christian brings in a lot of money, and... She cares about him. Ough she fucking hates him, but. She adores him. He's so, so funny. (In the way a clown is that you laugh at, not as in. He has a good sense of humor. He's horrible at telling jokes.)

There must've been a straw that breaks the camel's back, but from Richie's perspective, it's a day like any other when it happens. The most recent con went pretty good, as a matter of fact. Sure there were some minor inconveniences, but nobody saw them at the clinic. They can't be linked to anything tht happened there.

Monroe leaves first. He asks Richie to come to his apartment after. Tells Richie she can sleep there. Richie pays Monroe no mind. Her attention is on Christian.

Christian has to stop by the church before he drops Richie off at the shelter. Richie agrees, because he always finds it very... Quaint. Being in the church after hours, when it's not filled to bursting with hypocrites and assholes. The stained glass, at least, is pretty. Richie likes pretty things, when they aren't people.

Richie drinks the communion wine left on the altar. Absolutely drains the whole bottle while she's waiting for Chris to get done in his office. They argue. They always argue. This is nothing new.

Richie says Christian is a hypocrite. You bring your hooker mistress here in the house of the lord bc it gives you a little thrill but you get mad when the altar is desecrated. Just because you weren't the one to do it. You can't even let your own best friend have a little wine. Very mean!

Christian comes unglued. I think in the aftermath of the rape what offends Richie the most is the fact Christian didn't pay him after. That's what she claims at least, as Christian drags her naked and bloodied out of the church (she imagines it burning. It must be the pills she took earlier. Always something with the pills. That's what Chris tells her.) and drives her into the desert.

Richie is ready. This is how it ends. This is the inevitable conclusion to their... whatever they've got going on. (I hesitate to call it a relationship.) Christian, killing Richie after a brutal rape, and Richie getting buried in the dirt to rot. Perfect ending. Richie is at peace.

Christian has the shovel. He's kept a shovel in his car for weeks now. Just in case. He raises it up. He hesitates. Richie is quick to assure Christian that if he lets Richie walk away from this, Richie will make him regret it. Maybe not immediately, but one day. One day, Christian will wish he went through with killing Richie here. He'll tell people what happened. Go to the cops. A rape kit, a court date, and Christian's face on the news.

Think about it, Chris. This could all be over. You kill me, you kill yourself after in this empty desert warehouse. Hang yourself from the rafters once you bury me. Hell, hang me up there too. Decorations for a lonely place, the two of us, together. And it's all over. No more pain, right?

Phase two of this boss battle begins when Christian can't go through with it. He's done a lot of horrible things. Extortion, embezzling, now rape. But he's never killed before. That's what Richie does, or Monroe. Not Christian. Never good, pious Christian. Saint Christopher of the Truth.

For the first time, Christian begs Richie for something. Don't tell. Don't tell. Please. They can pretend this didn't happen, they can both walk away. Please don't make Christian do something rash. Please God. Please don't just sit there looking at him while he cries. Comfort him. Isn't that what friends are for?

Richie is disgusted. He grabs the shovel, and gets in the car. He blankly tells Chris to get in the car too. They're going back to the city.

They drive. Chris grows more hysterical by the minute. He begs Richie to reassure him that they can both still care about each other. We love each other, right? It's love?

Richie laughs, and Christian grabs the wheel. The car crashes. Richie wakes in a hospital, and isn't permitted to leave. Christian claims Richie drove them off a bridge. That Richie hallucinates sometimes. An addict with intense mental health issues. A danger to herself, and others. She should really be committed, she should really be committed, she should really be put away in a place where no one has to see her or hear her or deal with her. An asylum. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere bland and quiet and white. They'll make you better. Even if it hurts.

[dizzyduck44]

Good in a Crisis or just in Crisis?

Right, this may be the hardest of the post I wanted to write post-Monza. In fact I've been trying to think for two weeks how to word this without getting cancelled. I think though by using the events of the last two weekends I can give examples that can support my thoughts.

I'm going to start by being clear, if from my previous posts you think this is going to be an Oscar take down, it's not. Fair warning.

So really this starts with a story Nicole Piastri told in the Red Flag podcast. How when out with Oscar on a bike ride she ended up going over the handle bars of the bike. According to her, Oscar calmly and almost emotionlessly asked if she was ok? They get back home and find that the heart monitor he was wearing registered his heart rate through the roof and he had clearly been worried and panicing. But that was not what came across.

And there was the first lightbulb, Oscar doesn't seem to know how to convey his emotions or react in the way you would expect. There also seemed to be an obliviousness of anything beyond him and his immediate surroundings. (I’m not developing that any further, drawn your own conclusions).

Suddenly the myth of his mental strength, Kimi-esque cool doesn't read the same way. And as my brain can literally make me the foreshadowing, pessimistic prophet of doom at a kids birthday party, my gut feeling was, this won't end well.

Little did I know, I'd have to wait less than two weeks to be proven right.

McLaren arrived in Zandvoort with a Lando determined to make it clear he was going for the World Championship. We know what happened next. Lando takes pole and the win. Oscar finishes 4th. Fast forwarded to a Lando the media fell over itself for and a clearly unhappy Oscar in the media pen.

Thing is, this has been a regular situation this year. Lando has taken 4 poles and stood on the podium 10 out of 16 races. Oscar has been up there 5 times and his maiden win was questionable at best.

And then something seemingly insignificant to McLaren happened. Williams ditches Logan due to poor results. The team seemingly deciding he wasn't good enough and ended his F1 career.

Last weekend in Italy, we discovered how much all this is weighing on Oscar’s mind.

At the end of qualifying, Lando once again is on pole and as Oscar walked to the podium for personal effects he threw his gloves down. Lando had to go to him, he didn't go to congratulate Lando. Oscar was annoyed at missing pole again in his interview. You could see the frustration was simmering.

And then Sunday. Anyone who knows anything about racing knows what was in the best interest of McLaren. Finish lap 1 leading the field, build a gap, control the pace, use DRS to race each other.

No. Lando fully trusting Oscar to do the team thing and made no defence into turn 3 thinking he wouldn’t need to. Oscar, by his own later admission believed it was "his only way to win the race" and went for the lunge.

Was it a brilliant overtake? Yes though there was no defence put up.

Was it necessary? I think the only person who thought so was Oscar.

Did McLaren finish lap 1 first and second and go on to control the race? Nope.

Oscar had not reacted in the way anyone expected him to.

After the race the team and Lando called the move "aggressive", "risky" and "unexpected". Zak even had to concede it nearly resulted in Lando spinning. Oscar meanwhile didn’t seem to see anything wrong with what he had done.

They should have left Monza leading the Constructors Championship. Instead they still trail Red Bull by 8 points.

Ultimately with Max so far down the field it didn't really matter what order they finished 1-2. What mattered was finishing 1-2.

Post-race Oscar seemed annoyed and frustrated he hadn't made this win stick. He has risked so much and come away with slim pickings. The press afterwards didn’t get any better, taking swipes at Lance and refusing to address the question of team orders.

Ultimately we now know from the tyre data Oscar was never going to be able to make a 1 stop work, but Lando might have. The only person who was a safe bet was Lewis, but Mercedes were having their own WTF problems further down the pitlane. However from lap 1, Charles was chasing Oscar and Lando was having to keep up with them trying to salvage McLaren’s strategy.

The root of the problem was created on a sunny day in July, just outside of Budapest. By gifting Oscar the win in Hungary, McLaren have created a double headed monster.

You have Oscar who on reflection sees that having a teammate slow down for you (because you admit you can't catch them up) is a poor way to win a race when a championship isn't on the line. He wants to banish that hanging over his head as quickly as possible. Team orders are not going to help that. Chances are they will result in no real possibility of another win till 2025!

However, on that day your team promised you and they would help Lando to win a championship in exchange for said win.

And where does that leave Oscar. Frustrated. Unhappy and pegged as "mentally strong". What Oscar really needs right now is a Lando/Charles/Max esque rant and brutal critic of himself. You can see its all beginning to get to him.

In Hungary he took himself off the track a couple of times unprovoked. In Spa he went long in his pitbox. In Monza destroying the tyres to try and build a lead and then being too aggressive into the pitbox again. Because he doesn't let emotions out, they are beginning to effect what he could potentially achieve.

So how do we go forward. Firstly, for his sake, lets drop the mentally strong tag. Lando is mentally strong. He went through lockdown alone. He has driven through grief, tonsilitis, and a broken rib (yes really) on top of the nerves he freely admits. If he has a rant in the cockpit or berates himself after the race so be it. It’s better than carrying it round with you like luggage from race to race.

That's what I hope Oscar learns. Emotion in this sport is a good thing. The team is not going to dump you for admitting you fear being labelled as a contested one race winner. He may find they turn round and say we are sorry, in hindsight that wasn't fair for us to do to you. Tell them you want the qualifying stats to be more equal, they will help you improve. Apologise to the team that your actions in turn 3 were selfish, you thought they would work but you admit they cost the team. They will have more respect for you.

Secondly as fans, lets stop bigging up Oscar to a level he isn't at yet. Is he doing brilliantly for a second year driver? Yes, but his inexperience and immaturity is beginning to show. Lets embrace that as perfectly normal.

Oscar is very active on social media. He will have seen all the posts claiming he is better than Lando, he will win a championship before Lando. Yet the stats don't reflect that and I don't think Oscar feels that way right now. But he feels the pressure to be what the fans preach.

Oscar needs at least another year to be fully ready. It may take even more. There is no doubt he is a future world champion, but he’s still developing the arsenal of things he will need to do that. He just wants it’s all now, last week, last August was probably later than he wanted, but how he learns to emote and react to the highs and lows of F1 is going to be crucial.

After-all, his mechanics have only got so many toes between them.

[duelsoul]

Spoilers for Endings 86 / 87 - mentions of 88 and 90 on Chapter 15A

Also spoilers for a lot of mentions of Chapter 03/04/09/13/14 and other 15 branches.

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings now that I'm closing in on 50 endings.

Wowee was the Killing Game Route a Ride and a half. Ended up taking my time, slowly digesting it all. Absolutely succulent, as it is such a departure from the more routine formula I've gotten used to with all the routes, with the SDU taking a more proactive than reactive approach to the hunting down of 'invaders'.

Also, having done the S/F route first, it totally gaslit me into getting the bad(?) end first lmao.

I'd figured nothing but sad ends were awaiting me, and this route had conditioned me into choosing renegade by pushing into early 'bad' ends when I did pick paragon! (see attempting to save Moko, and refusing Sponsor!Eito's deal where I did attempt to deviate, Eva's was pretty telegraphed though).

That being said, I don't think the other kids would've let Takumi leave the escape pod, even if he hadn't been as terrified as he had been. It was fun to see him come full circle to the same conclusion as Eito in the Common route, where if he had to kill a baby to achieve his dreams, he would go there. Very Odysseus-core. Still, I think he would have benefited from discussing it with everyone before doing the deed himself, but alas, Takumi had his Martyr hat on for that end.

But ohoho, Shion. Or rather '???. Mega shivers. Full of contempt, you say, after we executed Eito? I didn't see that same anger directed at Sirei when he essentially gave his seal of approval for us to do just that... But he probably only came to those realisations of his emotions after he meditated on them more. You see that force of personality becomes more developed on Route 0, but it was nice to see ??? come back into focus after not having seen him for a while here.

But to be fair, ???'s not wrong. Both Sirei and Gaku both die at the hands of Takumi-G at the beginning of the route, but he doesn't mention that here, but likely deduces as such. It also explains why he has less of an active hand in the Slasher/Zombie routes, but you'd think he'd try to warn/help the other SDU kids, though. I hope Nozomi and Kamyuhn gave him a lovely name upon their return to the satellite.

God, I hope the kids have a future on the satellite and aren't immediately tried as war criminals for attempting to return there. I don't think the population of humans itself are necessarily any more ill-natured than any other humans if Nozomi is anything to go by. However, their societal structures and governing institutions reveal a deep, troubling, and corrupting sickness at their core. You needn't look any further than how they chose to greenlight the operation for the SDU. It either wreaks of desperation or sheer bankruptcy of morals to sacrifice children, for the sake of ending your xenophobic war-mongering by nuking all life on the planet's surface. It doesn't make Eito's sale's pitch seem all that left of field if that's the team your choosing to bat for. Speaking of Eito...

He just could not leave Takumi well alone, and falls into his orbit once again even when he's managed to somewhat escape it in the Calamity Route. Mind you, it's thanks to S/F!Takumi for lore-dropping that this version of him shanked Eito in this timeline, which probably made Calamity!Eito quite salty his be-loathed was so quick to dispose of him. And so we return to the regularly scheduled programming of psychologically bullying your one true nemesis by jumping into the abyss together, and yanking on the other's metaphorical pigtails on the way down...

Which doesn't end well for him on this branch of endings at least lol. And I was really impressed with how all the polycule came together to knock Eito down a peg! It was wonderful seeing their plan come together, and Tsubasa delivering the coup de grâce. I've yet to jump back for the other endings where he does likely get the last laugh though.

Can I just say that this route does characters so g o o d. Like, we got the nice entrée from the common route for most of the characters, and now we get to pretzel them under a microscope, and see how they adapt, evolve or crash when put under stressful circumstances. I mean, just Takumi in this Route, my god. It's such a kudos to the writer's where your protagonist is still the same yet so very different depending on what Route he's exploring. Overall, I think he's my favourite Kodaka protagonist.

I've already gushed so much about Yugamu... I think he's become Eito/Hiruko tier for me in terms of how biased I am towards this man. The writer's gave him so much love to work outside his usual shtick of body horror depraved bisexual, to the point I wonder if he uses those sorts of jokes to get people to keep their distance, kinda like Darumi? The only thing I think I would ask for is MORE. More interactions with Tsubasa/Darumi/Nozomi, I have been absolutely spoilt with his interactions with Takumi (except they are COWARDS for not just making it official- thankfully Tsubasa immediately gets it, and adds Yugamu to polecule).

Speaking of Tsubasa, girl has the rizz of a harem protagonist and I'm loving it! She straight up breaks out two characters out of their blue screen of death through the power of her smooches. Which is hilarious given that in the comedy route, it reveals she definitely wanted a prince to sweep her off her feet, but just decides to do it for herself in this route lol. It works well for her, as she is a more grounded character than many of the other cast members, and benefits from having more emotional intelligence and maturity to balance out their extremes. But at the same time, isn't afraid to match their energy, which makes the relationships between her Takumi and Darumi work so well, and that she's just as protective of them as they are of her. Her character arc isn't that unlike Takumi's, where they have to overcome some of their more timid characteristics to obtain their hearts and spines of diamond in the face of adversity, and I love that about both of them. ... Actually after the narrative attention from both this and V'ehxness route, I'm pretty comfortable putting Tsubasa in the same tier of love I have for Yugamu too. She just sparkles in this route.

Eva... I swear she's the writer's favourite chew toy, and once again she does not make it to the end of this Route. However, she's easily one of the characters I look forward to seeing the most every time, as I feel like I'm on a treasure hunt to find new facets of her character in each route. When she's not brain-washed into oblivion, at least. To be honest I'm not sure what age bracket the writers want to treat her as being in. Not that teenage characters in more parental roles isn't a area worth exploring, but the contrast between her more maternal portrayals in this route and Calamity, versus the more ambiguous in Mystery and... well, the Eva route. It makes me scrunkle my nose up a bit, but I'll write it off as just cultural differences Japan has in treating age. Think of Joker in P5 being able to date many older women while sidestepping the issue of being a teenager.

Anyway, I love Eva; I love her role as a pseudo-mum to Nozomi. I love that it explores her flaws in stepping into maternal roles, given her own youth, and yet shows that she has very defined ideas of how one should be a good mother, born from her own experiences as a child, raising Kamyuhn, and Futurum's cultural norms. Her whole theme of her character is very much bundled up in the nature of sacrifice. How she sacrifices her self to fulfil various roles, to survive, to ensure others keep on living. There is a very persistent love and kindness in her nature, which is often the first to go when placed on the altar of war and brutality; hence, she's often the one who bears the brunt of it in all routes, the sheer unfairness of the whole scenario. I like the routes more where she has the agency to go out on her own terms, like she got to on this route. But maaan. If they're going to release DLC for this game, please Kodaka, Eva has more than earned her happy ending, let her have it.

Now for Nozomi. Finally, FINALLY we get to see her step outside the pedestal Takumi frequently props her up on, and see some growth and development in her character. Honestly, I still do ship her and Moko, even if the narrative is telling me 'Nozomi see Moko as a maternal figure'. I still stand by my original thoughts that with Moko being Nozomi's first true friend, she'd treat Moko with the same level of emotional importance as Karua had with Takumi. Not that she's a one-to-one with Karua, but it still applies. Now it's also bundled with the feeling of co-dependency and loss of her mother as well! Very delicious. Would love to see that explored more, but alas, Moko is too good a character to survive this route.

But we do get to see her relationship expounded with Kamyuhn though! Which, thank god, because I did not get enough of this in Rebellion, and this is exactly what I wanted. From both characters. I'm more than happy to accept the headcanon that with the revelation of how genetic... blood memory works with Hemoanima, that echoes of this route slipped through to Rebellion (I also have an insatiable want for the SDU to vampire each other, and see what shenanigans occur from there. I'm sure there's fanfiction of that already out there lol). Also, just, Nozomi's strong desire for familial ties, contrasted with the Rebellion route where the SDU does become each other's family, but she's still the odd one out. And god, just Rebellion becomes 1000% times more bittersweet now that the Killing Game Route expounded on that part of Nozomi's character. It was lovely to see Nozomi let her hair down and express herself when the legacy her mother had carved into her was allowed to heal.

And last but not least, Kamyuhn. Oh Kamyuhn. Similar to Eva, the way she presents herself just says so much about the cultural norms of Futurum and how the scars of war have carved themselves into the native population of the planet. She's not unlike the SDU, where having power woven into you means you become a tool of the war machine. How she tries so hard to reject any emotional biases in her decision making, yet she's supposed to be the paragon of wisdom at such a young age... she's just a walking oxymoron. I very much let her talk me into getting the bad end first because I bought into her characterisation from the Rebellion route, without really considering just how different her circumstances are in both these routes. While in Rebellion, she's embraced by her community, in the Killing Game, she's rejected by it. And that leads to a critical difference in how brutality shapes her, and all the cast, in both routes, where they take a more selfish approach to ensure their long-term survival beyond the war.

I have not forgotten about Darumi, but I intend to go into a proper yap-fest for her once I finish up killing game and jump into Retsnom. But suffice to say, she was brilliant, but her parts in the chapter were more sporadic, instead of the more consistent drip feed we got with Tsubasa and Yugamu.

The more I see of this game, the more of a certified yapper I'm going to become as I collect all the puzzle pieces to get a more complete portrait of all these characters. Or just contrasting all the endings. I love that my journey of the game, given the path I've taken through the endings, will be wholly different to say, those who save the S/F route for last. And again, it's a testament to good writing that you can do these routes in any order and have wildly different experiences depending on your level of knowledge of the narrative. I love this game so so much.

I'm leaning toward doing Retsnom next... but am tempted to go clean up lose ends in the boxes routes first. Or maybe go and do the Truth adjacent ends... but Coming of Age/Casual and Romance seem like some good stuff too to wedge between the more serious routes. Conspiracy and Serial battles I'm least interested in, but maybe I should get them out of the way, I think at least conspiracy has some lore hidden in them...

[waifubuki]

[thebrightestlodge]

I'm currently watching Mandy because I recall you really liked it, and it's so cool to recognize so many details I find in your art and Godcleaver! It makes it even more interesting! If you feel inspired to say some things that you found particularly inspiring, I do want to hear! But you don't have to! I just wanted to thank you for making me discover this movie!

I must warn, it isn't even a "I really like it". It's a "rewired me on a level to the point of it's jsut my world". I'm glad it can be recognized as a huge influence! It's my fav movie so it's very near and dear to me, I have two old art pieces for it I did even (I might recolour the first pic and redraw the second). I'm glad you discovered it! It's really underrated for sure.

As for inspiration? Putting it under a read more because it will be insanely rambling and spoilers but know this is like ...a movie that is so important to me and IS me

There's a lot to the film that really speaks to what you see in my art. Music being it's own breathing heaving beast, a silent participant in the plot. The use of violent visceral colours like I'm staring at a bruise under blacklight that scratches such specific parts of the brain that frames this in an alien way, even if it's "the real world". Characters not being bad got being rightously angry and it drives them to the point of frenzy.

Dead wife/sad man stories are incredibly boring but something about this really spins the framing to the point I wouldn't even say it's one of those movies. Mandy is so fleshed out and important. We know who she is, we know she's had an incredibly horrible life before we met her/she met Red, but even with it, we see the sort of quiet cool person she is. She's someone we want to know. Dead partners in movies are so bland that we really in a way can't figure why we want to avenge them. We FEEL for her, we know who she is so the weight of her dead hits harder than anything. The death scene is incredible too, where it's jsut the throbbing synth, no sounds beyond that. We the the sleeping bag shaking and thrashing and we know what's happening, but nothing is ever exploitative on her part. We view the scene through the spectators and all their winding emotions, from Red's horror, the cultist's glee, the young girl, and Jeremiah's silent anguish and hate.

Mandy's dream sequence and the scene of ehr and Red talking of the starlings, another visit into these characters worlds, says so much without forcing a backstory. Red is almost an interesting foil here. We have just enought to figure what sort of character he is. He maybe was military/para-military and he has a drinking issue (by the scenes of him refusing a beer and him looking in the bathroom for a secret vodka bottle). He's a blank enough slate though that it let's us get to be the ones to experience Mandy. He truly loves and cares for her and we get to feel it because in how he is written and how scenes between them are shot, we ARE Red, with our own issues brought in.

Now to the meat of this situation. Mandy's death really is what makes the movie special because in how it's written and even stated by Panos Cosmatos himself, she IS the film. When Mandy dies, we no longer exist in our world. Mandy has moved into a another plane. She is Galactus and has devoured our world and we live in hers. The movie's sharp grinding as we start to peak into the phantasmagorical horror shifts because Mandy is being affected. When she gets high, everything is warped. When she dies, plots are set in motion.

My aggressive belief is when Red tastes the Biker's swill, Mandy takes him over. Not to say Red wasn't first motivated in revenge! He's the one to seek out his old friend and his weapon, he forges The Beast, he drives out to fight the bikers. We see though in the face of all this, he's jsut so emotional about it. His haunting response after Mandy dies, stumbling into the house and then the howling and chugging in the bathroom. When he's chained up and nailed to the floor in the house the bikers take over, he's jsut sobbing. Even fighting those two bikers, he all mania and emotion tearing them up. The moment he tastes the swill though? Something shifts. When he faces the main biker, there's no emotion, jsut quiet stalking, until the mention of "SHE'S ...STILL ...BURNING!"

Theory continues, we see Mandy in visions from Red, these nightmare shots of her rotting away, her adrift in the lake we see them in in the beginning, and extracting a jewel from an animal's corpse. It's like she speaks from whatever void she has now taken. The book Mandy reads is made for the movie, BUT I managed to track the fake cover. A story of a man stealing the power of witches stolen from a she-wyrm. A lone female warrior trudges to stop him. Fits the theory enough. When Red finds the Chemist, inferred to the the creator of the sludge, the way he speaks to Red is interesting. We don't have enough fo Red's character to know, but we have enough of Mandy's to make this scene interesting.

Chemist: Jovan Warrior, sent forth from the eye of the storm

-Mandy mentions in the beginning of her favourite planet being Jupiter, especially because of the eternal storms. Jove was one of the many names of the Roman god Jupiter.

Chemist: Oh man, they wronged you! Why they gotta be like that? You exude a cosmic darkness ...

-This is definitely inference because, as said, it's not like Red can't experience this, but it's so pointed. Mandy, destroyed by this cult that saw something in her, and the starling story, and the dream of the dead deer fetus. Something in her sits, dark and heavy, like the music tracks.

Red does not speak this whole time, but the Chemist talks as if there's conversation. The Chemist, so shot into another existence, maybe he IS talking with Mandy, on another level we can't comprehend. He sees the folding of worlds

When we go to find the cultists, another interesting thing comes up. The one cultist who never really comes off as feeling purposeful and involved is the young girl. The one who is willing to let Jeremiah blow her head off, the one he calls for after being upset about seeing Mandy. When Red kills Swan, the girl just watches. Mandy did see her there and maybe a kindred spirit of sorts, two people violently affected by events then and now in their lives. Maybe it's because she wasn't as malicious, who knows. Maybe it's Mandy who spares.

And finally, the last confrontation ...

In a way, I think Mandy killed Jeremiah first. His seduction and obsession, trying to impress her. Mandy is sent ROCKETING with how high she is and the scene where he speaks with ehr, their faces constantly melded, some sort of different thing is happening. Sure it's style for the movie and perhaps I can't put into words, but "You're a special one, Mandy" has meaning here. When he finally sheds his coat and is front of her, naked and showing her whatever he thinks passes for the divine, she laughs. It's a chuckle into a laugh into a cackling furious howl, ebcause we're seeing she's knowing she's pissing him off ow. This moment, he's crushed in front of his constant followers. He's embarrassed. In the spirit, I think he dies here, it's the first time someone tells him no and ridicules him.

In our final confrontation, it's the first time since the sludge, we hear him speak. A garbled, laid-over second voice

"The psychotic drowns ...while the mystic swims ...

You're drowning. I'm swimming."

When ahd our last Mandy dream already happen. Mandy taking a jewel from some great beast. This is the final act of revenge, killing the last monster. Jeremiah's desperation to make it up, but there's no emotion facing this, no mania or sadness. Red crushes his head, the garbling speaking

"I am your god now"

The movie ends with Red driving off. We see Mandy next to him in the Camaro and we see a vision. A shot of teh first time they met. And with all we know and all we've seen, this is finally the end. The manic iconic grin of Red looking to her as we driveoff into this alien fantasy landscape. The final bit of the film stating they are reborn into this carnal new world. They become one here finally.

And I mean, you can add your trans narratives in here, or even just state they are trans. Something about the total take of bodies, two sharing in one body, being whatever you choose to headcanon them as. I don't remember the thoughts I had on this, will edit when I remember, but I think it's a very trans film.

We're swallowed into this world of Mandy's. I know Red wears the Tiger shirt but I think Lizzie represents Mandy more. The tiger set loose into the Pacific Northwest is jsut what it is. We're watching her and Red's love become one huge angry beast, their love isn't corrupted. A frenzy and compassion and caring between two broken people that becomes so ravenous after this trauma, it takes chunks out of this world and rebuilds it, sharpens its fangs so it can devour the violators who encroached. A winding grizzled thing that pulses like the beatof the soundtrack. I jsut think it's a cool movie, sorry for any tangents or my being incoherent when talking about it.

Stream this, sound of the summer