#i just could also see that obi-wan being like hey we should fuck because i feel like we'll never recover from the choice i made

[tennessoui]

For the ask game, 5, 18, and 30??

(from this ask game)

ahh thank you for sending these in!!

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

ok so i have 7 tabs open and all of them are either new chapters or unpublished wips but here is the first sentence of the first tab - and a second sentence for a little bit more context lol:

'Watto has wings, a set that isn’t much to look at but that he’s rather proud of showing off anyway. And because Watto has wings, little Ani cannot, lest he grow up and get ideas.'

(that's wing fic au which i have been meaning to finish and post for forever)

18. If you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

ok so i don't keep my deleted sentences or paragraphs - they are gone with the wind as soon as i don't like them lol BUT i can definitely talk about one of my first draft ideas for a fic that i didn't end up writing which i've definitely talked about before. in foolproof foolhardy, when i started writing what would become the last 2 chapters and the final arc of the story, i was totally sold on the idea that when they're in the ship on the way to their mission they would end up fucking ('to get it out of their system') as a one-time thing and afterwards they can just pretend they don't care about each other at all and the sex would be very angry and bitter except for the moments where they couldn't help but betray their real feelings (aka master skywalker caresses obi-wan's face, obi-wan kisses his pulse, etc etc)

and then during the mission the prince of the planet would be interested in obi-wan in a way that would prove to be Perilous (because obi-wan tries to pretend he can just go back to having fun and sleeping around and so he courts the prince's attention, but it turns out that actually he doesn't want to do that anymore because now he knows how anakin would hold him)

and anakin would do something very dramatic like start a full on war with the planet and or threaten assassination of the prince because hes a jealous lil guy and will use obi-wan's discomfort as cover for his actions without examining the root of the emotions which is in fact love (but twisted)

and then they fuck AGAIN and finally actually talk it all out (but it was already such a long story and that whole mission arc seemed needlessly dramatic when tensions were already high, so they just talked it out the first time they fucked on the ship, which i'm happy with)

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

ooo interesting question! i definitely feel various amounts of proud of all my fics because of who i was and what i was trying out when i was writing each of them, but i think i'm especially proud of let my love be the knife that implicates me aka the rots compliant fic where obi-wan raises luke on tatooine alone and does as good of a job as he knows how. i just really like the concept of it - where obi-wan deals with his grief by talking about the agony and joy of loving anakin, luke's father, while also still so fresh off of mustafar and the fall of the Jedi, knowing he can only talk about this now because when luke is old enough to remember he shouldn't bear the weight of his secrets....only for luke to remember not the words themselves (about the empire, about sidious, about anakin's betrayal) but the emotion behind them, which was almost always love.

it's a sad fic but it's not so sad that i think it's unreadable and i really am so proud of a lot of the phrases and the pacing of it! mostly because i almost always avoid anything even resembling 'canon compliant' and so this was a really big moment for me lol

[ahsokasupremacy]

Alright, here are my Top Ten funniest guesses (+1 that I bet nobody ELSE will guess) for who Inquisitor Marrok actually is!

You are most welcome to correct me or let me know who YOU think is most probable.

And just to challenge myself, I’m NOT putting Ezra. Because that would be too obvious.

1. Barriss Offee

I’m serious when I say that this is probably the most likely.

We know that she is a very important character in Ahsoka’s life, the writers could be trying to mislead us into thinking that the Force User is a man when really we have no confirmation that they are. Plus Dave Filoni has said in interviews that he refused to have the character make cameos just because he wanted to save her for later. Also, many people already speculated that Barriss became an Inquisitor after Order 66, explaining the double-sided Inquisitor lightsaber.

2. Darth Maul

Their build is a little too skinny for Darth Maul, and also wow, he must really be getting up there. And also, he died in Rebels. But when has that really ever stopped Disney from resurrecting him? I just think they should keep bringing him back. For the bit. I want the opening scroll for the upcoming Daisy Ridley movie to contain the words “Somehow, Darth Maul returned…”

3. Bo Katan

I highly doubt this because her character arc on the Mandalorian is already concluded, but I can kinda see her doing this as like, a side gig. Homegirl is probably broke from paying off Mandalore’s restoration fees. She’s not a Force User unfortunately, but when has that ever stopped her? I like to believe that Bo Katan simply woke up one day and decided to be Force Sensitive and it all kinda worked out for her somehow.

4. Lux Bonteri

If this is the option David Filoni is going with, BOOO. Yet another character who isn’t Force Sensitive. If you really think about it, Dave Filoni probably wants to include someone with an important history with Ahsoka, someone close to her that she held dear and that betrayed her and that she still has lingering feelings for.

Well actually that person is Barriss, and yknow, she kinda went MIA. Sooo the next best thing we could get is Lux, I guess!

5. Anakin (Force Ghost)

Daaaad, what are you doing here?

Well, the ghosts of Obi-Wan and Yoda told him to fuck off and get a job. So here he is. He’s putting in the work! He’s logging onto his Zoom! Ahsoka is gonna be sooo surprised when he finally takes off the mask and reveals it was him along. Just you wait! It’s gonna be so funny!

6. Korkie Kryze

Now we’re really starting to get big brained here.

In Legends, we have Jacen Solo. In the sequels, we have Kylo Ren.

But in the Brand New Republic era? Hark, a new villain arises. Korkie is embittered about being left behind and forgotten by his biological parents, Satine and Obi-Wan. And now he is out for revenge against all the Force Users and Mandalorians who abandoned him. Mwahahaha. We should’ve known he would turn out like this, he’s a ginger after all.

7. Ventress

This would technically make Dark Disciple non-canon? But I don't think Dave Filoni cares, considering he hilariously made the Ahsoka novel non-canon. Ventress is obviously very powerful and capable of dual-wielding and she would make a great candidate for an Inquisitor. Plus her and Morgan Elsbeth are both former Nightsisters so points for rapport.

8. Anakin’s Evil Clone

Hey, I mean Palpatine HAD to start somewhere, right? He didn’t just create Snoke without practice. I like to think he tried making a second Anakin at first, only to discover that Clonakin was a huge pain in the ass and doesn’t wanna follow orders just sit on the couch all day eating the space equivalent of Hot Cheetos.

9. Cal Kestis but he’s evil now

This one pretty much goes against everything we know about Cal but hey, I’ll take a live action Cal cameo any day now. I’ve been on the frontlines defending my babygirl Anakin since day one, don’t even try to lecture me about the ethics of stanning Darksider Cal.

9. Mara Jade

OK no more messing around!! I'm serious this time!

EVERYONE LISTEN CLOSELY!

I think the reason why Dave hasn't made any references to Eli, or Ar'alani, or Vahnya must be because he grew up on the 80s Legends trilogy (not the canon trilogy). Whenever Thrawn is mentioned, there is a direct reference to Heir to the Empire. The same novel where Mara Jade is introduced as the Hand of the Emperor. Coincidence? I think not! Obviously, this must be part of Dave Filoni's master plan to softlaunch the upcoming top secret Thrawn series adaptation.

10. Starkiller

My only real proof is that his name (Marek, Marrok) kinda sounds similar?

Making Starkiller canon would create a whole bunch of problems for the Star Wars timeline. I think his origin story is too Mary Sue-y for even Dave Filoni to try and integrate into current canon.

However, it would be interesting to see a showdown between Anakin's two former apprentices. Interesting, but unlikely.

And finally, for my last guess, I will tell you exactly who Marrok REALLY is. Kathleen Kennedy told me personally, so don't get mad at me! She said it, not me!

11. Luuke (the clone Palpatine made out of Luke's dismembered hand)

This is the ONLY correct answer.

Us Timothy Zahn enjoyers know that this was really Luuke all along. I told you, Snoke isn't the first clone that Palpatine made! I imagine he had a lot of downtime and got bored and decided to fuck around, and that's how we got Luuke.

And yes, I would cast Sebastian Stan to play him because I'm petty AF.

[cuprohastes]

Those Darn Jedi

From a conversation in the notes of the Jedi Archive

@gurps-dungeon-mommy: Also just to add about cheap tricks to fuck someone's saber up - if you flip Khyber crystal in wrong polarity (or jam it with Force, like you proposed) the fucking saber would fucking BLOW UP and AT LEAST take someone out of the fight if not outright murder them on the spot

Cuprohastes: Yeah Khyber crystal canonically can hold massive amount of energy. Which suggests that if you were serious, you could build a Khyber Bomb

gurps-dungeon-mommy: and they let kids make weapons with that shit! ON THEIR OWN! "Here's a little bit of sulfur and coal, little child, construct me some gunpoweder and shoot that target please"

Cuprohastes: Well... no. It's more like 'Hey Timmy here's a plasma cutter. You have to put it together yourself and it uses a grenade as a valve, and when you're done, Lucy is gonna duel you with hers'

gurps-dungeon-mommy: That's even worse of a situation to put the kids in, man. Jedi are the most up-their-ass OSHA violating kickasses with space magic in there, no wonder people stopped liking them after a while

Which brings me to a point about the Prequels. And in fact the entire 9 installment Skywalker saga.

The Jedi are assholes.

Let's examine this shall we?

Not police. But they roam around dispensing justice. How? Mutilation and mind control. Remember Ben Kenobi solves a bar fight by just hacking off someone's arm because it's convenient.

Genocide. They decide to wipe out the Sith culture. Not just the Sith Lords, but their slaves, servants and the people just unfortunate enough to be born in the area. The Jedi show up and perform arial bombardment. And yet...

Slavery Is Fine. Having determined that the Sith cannot be allowed to live, based ont he argument that only the Jedi should be allowed to use the naturally occurring phenomenon of the Force, in the way they see fit, they suddenly hang up their morals and determine that letting the Hutts keep slaves it totes fine...

Clones ... And that continually breeding clones with a chip in their head to prevent them having free will, then using lining beings as cannon fodder is totally fine. c.f. Obi Wan not even pausing when his Clone wingman gets dusted. 'Oh he did his job'.

Child soldiers And yes the Jedi are scooping children up for indoctrination, handing them nuclear chainsaws, and then making them fight. "Hey kid, you're 16 and you already cut a guy in half and spent a couple of years dodging blasters. Here's your hairdo upgrade and some clone troopers, now go fight the Droid Army.

I mean Darth Vader is like 22 years old when Obi Wan sets him on fire and leaves him to cook alive because he was being a vicious shit and didn't want to give his former student an easy death.

The Jedi go on about how acetic they are... living in a giant marble and gold palace on Coruscant with their private navy and servants and army of droids. But they do nothing to make Couscant a better place to live for the people who live there.

And this is the people who have 'protected' the Republic for a thousand generations. 20,000 years.

The original trilogy starts with the Jedi, who were major cultural thing 20 years back, being this forgotten, mythological story.

Luke knows jack shit about the Jedi. Obi Wan straight up lies and massages the truth. There's that 'From a certain point of view" thing but also "A more elegant Weapon from a more civilised time" - Cut to: Qui gon Gin putting a bet on a 10 year old to win a speeder race with the kid's owner, fully intending to leave the boy's mother in slavery... A the start of a war where human slaves with brain chips will be forced to fight for a Republic that's just as bad as the Empire.

The Jedi are massively hypocritical and kind of nuts.

And then in the last three films, Luke's kind of tumbled to the fact the Jedi are... the myth was better than the people. The Jedi created Palpatine. In canon while they knew he was Force Snsitive they just told him he wasn't good enough and left him for the Sith to recruit. They failed to protect, they just leeched off of people. They were roving spree killers.

It's no accident that Mon Mothma wants her own Jedi for the rebellion. Screw the cachet: She knows one space wizard with a laser sword can hack n' slash through imperial troopers like crazy, Mind Trick their way in and out of any fortress, out-fly any normal pilot, and go toe to toe with Darth Vader... who at time of death was what... 45?

She wants her own Vader. She gets him.

"It's time to let the Jedi die out" Luke Says in the final trilogy, and he's right. Because Luke's managed to start another galactic war by creeping around his students bedrooms with a lightsabre and Kylo has some definite opinions on this, which backed up by Sheev Palpatine...

WHO HAS SOMEHOW RETURNED

... is like "Screw this, arson and murder time". And poor Luke is like... hang on, what is the common denominator for every major galactic conflict of the past 10,000 years? Oh yeah, the Jedi getting their dicks out. Well time to shut up shop and go hit up them space-cow tiddies.

Fair play he's got a plan and he's followed through.

BTW that's not jsut any space sea-cow. They're married. They love each other and they're kinky as hell.

[ooops-i-arted]

@ofcoming4th said: Until this episode I didn't fully understand your dislike of this character - after watching I wanted to kick her very hard for being such an ass and so little help.

After her appearance on BOBF where she actively chases Din away from seeing Grogu and giving him the mithril, oops I mean beskar shirt? I now hate the unfeeling idiot. I'm surprised Filoni had the shirt passed on to Grogu, I'd assume he'd have his dream girl make a bikini out of it.

Lmfao I just spit out my drink at the bikini comment. I'll give Filoni this, though - once George Lucas wasn't involved anymore, Ahsoka suddenly got appropriate clothing.

I USED TO just be indifferent. Tried TCW, hated the way they treated my beloved prequel characters, found her underdeveloped and annoying but hey, I'll just skip it like I did the Yuuzhan Vong books! I watched Rebels instead and loved it, great characters, new perspective of the universe, tighter character writing, disliked Ezra at first but 5 episodes in I would fistfight anyone on his behalf because he had his character developed. Except.... Ahsoka kept showing up. Okay whatever. But then the season 2 finale. Rebels is an ensemble show of 6 characters. Only 3 were in the finale and those were SHOVED ASIDE SO AHSOKA COULD CONFRONT VADER AS A RESOLUTION TO TCW, ANOTHER SHOW. Which is still stupid because it's just a rehash, we KNOW Vader has issues with connections because of Obi-Wan and Padme, the real prequel trio already showed that. But by now you wouldn't know it because Ahsoka has fucking replaced Padme (even though no one in their right mind would've given Anakin an apprentice to begin with, the whole premise is contrived!). And even though one of the main characters of the show is blinded and the other blames himself, we get almost zero descending action involving them. But we have time for a long, sad shot of Rex mourning The Best Jedi Padawan Commander Who Left The Order But Also Still Totally A Jedi Somehow. I was so incandescent with rage I STILL haven't finished Rebels season 3 and 4. (And now we're only getting those characters again in her upcoming show.) (Did I mention she implied-died-maybe in the season 2 finale but was brought back with contrived time travel in a later season? And the finale of Rebels had her in white dressed up like Gandalf? Stay the FUCK away from Gandalf, you orange hobgoblin.)

She's there because she's Filoni's pet and that's it. Especially in BoBF when the conversation SHOULD HAVE been between Grogu's actual teacher, Luke, and Din. Because "are you doing this for you or for him?" could be a poignant character moment but all we got was Ahsoka dismissing a much better character with her smug-ass face instead of any actual reflection on Din's part.

(I'm also fucking salty because I wrote a Super Special Awesome Jedi Apprentice when I was 11. She was The Best At Everything and had Special Visions Of The Future and got Multiple Lightsaber Colors Because She Was That Cool and Obi-Wan (my favorite character) thought she was The Best Ever and His Favorite Person but.... I was 11. Filoni is getting bucketloads of money and his ass kissed for the same level of writing I had at 11. Except MY CHARACTER died in Order 66, and actually adhered to the Jedi Code instead of Ahsoka's Have It Both Ways schtick. Also she was apprenticed to Obi-Wan, since apparently Filoni missed Anakin graduating to Actual Child Murderer in AotC and that Anakin is not teacher material in general.)

This was therapeutic thank you for giving me a chance to bitch lol.

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Just finished Literature Devil's video on the Obi-Wan/Vader ROTS fight and oh my GOD I used to like this guy. How does he not get any of it.

First he starts off misunderstanding the sand quote but we're used to that, whatever, not everyone has a brain, sure. He could have made an effort but this isn't what the video is about.

One of the things that absolutely struck me and I'm surprised someone would say that on the internet in front of thousands of people because that's like admitting to no reading comprehension whatsoever is that - he says a good scene goes from one of the main core emotions, glad, sad, mad or afraid to another one and preferably switches in the middle, otherwise it's boring and hollow. Okay yeah. But he says the scene starts with us feeling sad that Vader turned to the dark side and only switches at the end with us feeling happy that Obi-Wan won, and - there's my problem. In what world do you think we're supposed to feel happy about the outcome of that fight?? These two guys, closer than brothers, more intimate than lovers, two halves of a single warrior, had to fight each other and one of them maims the other one and you think we're supposed to be happy that Obi-Wan won?? Nobody's happy about this! Not Vader who lost the rest of his limbs and won't really know happiness anymore, not Obi-Wan who just dismembered his best friend/brother/other half, and not the audience because this is a fucking tragedy!! What the fuck. How do you misread the scene that bad. And he says it a few times! Like what sir. What the fuck. It's pretty obvious this is sad and it sucks. But apparently Mr Literature Devil sees Obi-Wan's devastated face and hears "I loved you" and goes "ah yes I'm so happy he won :)" ???

Tied to that but he also says that the only moment where the course of the battle changes is the end, and that that makes the rest feel flat. His fix-it fanfic version of the fight includes Obi-Wan attacking Vader more aggressively, with switches from him dominating the fight (which we once again are supposed to be feeling happy about for some reason) and then Vader having the upper hand, but then Obi-Wan is coming out on top again and he ends up cuting the rest of Vader's limbs. And ?? Obi-Wan wouldn't dude do you understand the character or what. Only one of those men is trying to kill the other here. Obi-Wan isn't for real trying to kill his other half, he's being the patient boyfriend waiting for his girlfriend to get tired so they can hug and talk it out. He wouldn't feint to cut Vader's limbs or whatever, this is the other half to his warrior.

Gotta say though he suggests Vader gloating about beating Obi-Wan before he's truly beaten, right before he feints and cuts of his arm, which is just what happens in that Obi-Wan Kenobi flashback so yeah that checks out, and also that there should have been a moment of calm in the middle for Obi-Wan to meditate a little like Qui-Gon does in TPM, which would have been like poetry and rhymed, and I can't say that's terrible either. Like I much prefer those two suggestions to the rest. Would it be appropriate, especially the meditation, I'm not certain, but it doesn't immediately jump to my fave as being a shit idea, so hey.

(also he really is just writing fanfiction and pretending like it's correcting canon or whatever, get down your high horse and join us on AO3 instead of thinking you're better than everyone??)

[skellizo]

Live reactions for Obi-Wan Kenobi Episode 1 as someone who’s only Star Wars Knowledge comes from Pop Culture, Lego Star Wars and Jedi Fallen order

Well here we are

My one hope for the series: LET ME SEE MY BOY CAL KESTIS

Flashback time BABYYYY

That’s Darth Maul! I know that double sided lightsaber wielding bitch! He is from Dathomir!

Fuck off Senate dude

I like their robes

I KNOW THOSE LINES

Well hello there kids get ready for some Trauma

THEY HAVE ARMOR LIKE THE SECOND AND NINTH SISTER

Ah yeah Inquisitors that’s what their name was

DO IT BELOW THE TABLE YOU IDIOT

YES! I KNEW SHE WAS ONE OF THE SISTERS! SHE’S THE THIRD SISTER

THANK YOU JEDI FALLEN ORDER

Oh hey dude, looking good

Are they slicing up meat?? You wanna tell me there are no machines boss dude can use for this job so he doesn’t have to employe anyone

ALIEN CAMAL

A caveman ey?

WHAT IS UP TEEKA, YOU FUNKY LITTLE BEING

…I see he is another character that desperately needs therapy, though I have a feeling there is no space therapy

That’s a bit stalker-ish but alright I guess. We are trying to save the Universe in like 10 years at this point

Awwww that’s nice :)

Well hello Nari

OHHH THAT’S WHY HE HAS ANOTHER GAME IN EPISODE 4

Hey there Leia

WAIT NOT LEIA

THERE IS LEIA and a Droid-Buddy named Lola

Awww they are a nice Mother-Daughter Duo :)

Oh that was a big piece my dude

Is there a 5th brother and a 5th sister or not

Thanks 5th brother

My god what did Obi-Wan do to you 3rd like kill your family? Abandon you?

WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE ENDING SLAVERY INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING AROUND

YES LEIA TELL HIM! GET HIS ASS

THEY HAVE SPACE UNIVERSITY??

Dude parents-of-the-year awards

AH CREEPY DUDE-TEHRE ARE TWO MORE

I really hope those three are like not trained bounty hunters because if they are that chase was an embarrassment

A GAME BOY ADVANCE SPACE EDITION?? Oh no he picked some circle up

COULD EVERYONE STOP SAYING HIS NAME SO LOUD

They are in space and really just put a bag over her head like didn’t you have anything better

Hm I liked you Nari

I’m just saying but most times if no ones coming after the very clearly kidnapped it means you may not have that good of a deal or trade on your hands so I’m not sure why dude 1# is so confident

That’s impressive that he found the exact spot tbh

OOOH 3RD SISTER

SHOW IT EVEN MORE OBVIOUSLY MY DUDE

Conclusion: I understood fairly much with my limited knowledge which was nice :) Have some questions but that’s probably why they also have released ep 2 so time for that

[dezmondmyles]

hi i just finished watching booba fettaccini from sore wores and i have no one to yell at this about so hey lmao check this shit out uh spoilers ahead

okay so overall, i thought it was just... kinda boring lmao.

cause like ok we have our A story (boba becoming the daimyo of jabba’s old territory) and our B story (boba being taken in by a tribe of tuskens). and honestly? B story way better imo because im a sucker for a good found family story. i eat that shit up, and it was just more engaging esp as someone who grew up on the movies, and last seeing boba as a little kid, and falling into the snarlac pit before that.

like idgaf what he’s doing now really lmao the whole “i will show the people of mos espa that im their friend smilers” was just kinda, meh. like i wanna see the legendary boba fett doing cool bounty hunter shit but i get it ya know, he explains why he’s doing what he’s doing, and that’s all well and good. and i wouldnt have minded if it just wasnt so goddamn slow.

like nothing HAPPENS during the A story. all the interesting shit is in the B story. it’s not until ep4 that it’s like alright! time for a real story now!!!!

buuuut first, we gotta dedicate not one, but two whole episode to din djarin and grogu. like dont get me wrong, i fucking love the mandolorian, like so sos soso much. but that’s their show. this isn’t their show. it’s boba fett’s. why the fuck do they have so much prominence?? why wasnt this saved for mando s3?? why did boba fett suddenly stop being the main character OF HIS OWN SERIES?

cause din and grogu just stole the show, considering it very suddenly became about them. and then it’s like “well fuck what boba’s doing, i want more of this!!” and yeah i know we are getting more of it but im just... jon, dave, wyd guys.

and then we LOSE cobb vanth for cad bane. and then cad bane dies. it’s like okay!! that’s cool and all!! but WHAT was the point? i know that cad bane is boba’s old mentor but like, idk, i feel like they could have set it up way better than this? i feel like there should have been more impact to his appearance and his final stand off with boba? like these two have such a history but you don’t feel anything really between them watching it. so ultimately, i feel like it was a waste of a character and just another nod to the clone wars series.

ashoka had more impact in this series, and she only appeared for like 10 minutes!!! i know she’s also getting her own show, so it’s a good way to keep interest in the character but like... idk i wasnt happy with bane, and im very sad vanth is “dead”

(i mean i dont think he’s really dead they dont outright say he died just that he was shot down, and this is star wars, does anyone ever really actually die unless you see an explicit close up on their bodies? which vanth didnt get soooooo lmao)

just... yeah man idk. i get why they couldnt do a clone wars or empire era boba fett story because well, no offense, but temuera morrison is Old now and their de-aging tech is not... perfect quite yet, not on the same level that marvel is. and lbr the de-aged luke is kinda bad still and his voice is very obviously a computer we’re not gonna talk about luke here ok but I GET WHY.

and i realize i could be in a small minority of people who didnt totally enjoy the show. i didnt hate it, and there were plenty of parts and characters that i liked. it just felt idk, like it was being held back and kinda awkwardly squeezed in between mando seasons. i feel bad for it honestly, cause i feel like it did have so much potential but dave and jon just kinda... dropped the ball on it. idk. hopefully obi-wan and ashoka won’t have that same problem, but we’ll seeeeee.

anyway thats all i got no i wont take criticisms or debates about it okay bye <3

[phoenixyfriend]

Fake Sith TCW Trio

I have another fucked up time-travel AU! Who’s surprised? (Nobody.)

So like. Have you guys read that one fic where Luke and his students go back in time and pretend to be Sith Lords and are super hammy about it? (Sith Lord Swell by AMournfulHowlInTheNight)

This AU has contributions by @atagotiak, @the-lunar-system, @purronronner, @gelpenss, @creepingthroughthistidalwave, and @thisarenotarealblog.

I want TCW trio (plus Rex and Cody) to go back to several years pre-TPM and, since the Council DEFINITELY won't believe them about the Sith being back... they'll force the issue.

Anakin is weirdly excited about things and building up their backstory.

Anakin: Okay so I can definitely be a Maul type, with the unhinged ranting and manic laughter, Obi-Wan can be the whole Refined Rich Guy type like Dooku, where you can't even tell he's evil until he starts talking about getting out the eyeball scoops, maybe toss in a bit of mad science stuff? Ahsoka could play up like Ventress OR, oh oh, she can be the Light Side Child we need to PROTECT who's publicly begging us to return to the Light after our big dramatic Falls where we murdered like eighty people to save her, and-- Obi-Wan: Why are you never this enthusiastic about actual undercover missions. Ahsoka: Did you just have all this ready to go, or...? Anakin: WE COULD GET YELLOW CONTACT LENSES FOR ME.

Obi-Wan: How's my evil laugh?

Anakin going “Okay.. so if any of us need to murder someone to sell the bit it should be me, I think I could handle it the best. Why? No reason.”

Obi-Wan: I'm not sure a complete Fall could come from protecting Ahsoka, really-- Anakin: No, no, it could.

Obi-Wan: Surely you’d hold back because you realize neither of us want that for you. Anakin: Uh. Sure. Definitely.

Obi-Wan points out that none of them can channel the dark side to Prove they're Sith and Anakin just goes "Okay, give me like two seconds to stew in my negativity and--right, you can stop staring in horror, please."

Anakin rambles on that they can TOTALLY make the galaxy a better place while playing at being Sith! He's got a whole LIST of slave empires to "take over" and disassemble!

Anakin has a whole excited spiel about how EVIL soldiers and assistants are minions, in this case partly because Cody and Rex are too good at what they do to be mooks. Cody could pull off evil minion very well. Facial scar? Looks good in black? Quietly competent and sarcastic?

He also pushes for Obi-Wan to lounge in a fancy throne with a glass of wine while Anakin stalks the shadows and Ahsoka hangs out on the window ledge. The disaster lineage is dramatic, okay, Anakin’s just leaning into it, he’d appreciate it if everyone stopped looking at him like that.

Qui-Gon, surprisingly, ends up a skeptic about all of this. Everyone is freaking out about the Sith and he’s like “y’know I’m not even sure they’re darksiders.”

Some Jedi, possibly Qui-Gon for his conspiracy board, gets in a real risky situation and one of the Fake Sith saves them, but also panics and kinda drops character for a bit.

Jedi: You saved me! Why’d you do that? Anakin: I uh... just wanted the pleasure of killing you myself?

"You saved me. Why?" "Mmmm. Jedi." [walks away]

Qui-Gon: [trying to figure out what is up with these people semi-competently (from his perspective) pretending to be Sith] Dooku: [trying to protect Qui-Gon from Sith influence]

The gang is the most successful at pretending to be Sith to Dooku. Sure, they’re not gonna punish him for something he hasn’t done, but it’s not hard to act menacing and angry around him.

(They really do have so much fun irritating the heck out of Dooku. He hasn’t Fallen yet, but they want to keep an eye out.)

At some point, future Obi-Wan definitely drops that little tidbit of "What, you didn't think the Banites were the only Sith running around did you? You... didn't even know about the Banites. How... disappointing."

They REGULARLY use Ahsoka as an excuse to be marginally less terrible. They claim that if Ahsoka pouts, they stop. ‘Soka also uses them as an excuse for why she’s a lil feral. (To be fair, that one is accurate. She was already a lil feral before but it’s not like they did anything to stop it.) Ahsoka gets her "breaking into people's offices" jollies by bugging Nute Gunray's office.

The Jedi keep trying to Rescue Ahsoka.

Rex and Cody end up in real beskar, there's a whole Thing with Mandalore and Jango and Satine.

Obi-Wan is CONSISTENTLY worried about Anakin Falling for real, which... hey, at least he knows to be worried about Anakin Falling. Step up from canon, really.

Anakin is WAY too into killing the Hutts but like. It does... technically sell the bit.

Obi-Wan: Sure, I’m not sad that they’re dead, especially because we’re not connected to the Republic, so we don’t need to worry about starting a war and all that. But. Anakin is disturbingly cheerful about this. Rex: Wasn't he a Hutt slave? Obi-Wan: Well yes, but-- Rex: I'd kill Nala Se if I could get away with it.

Cody and Rex are very supportive of Anakin's murderous intentions.

Obi-Wan does understand anger, even killing someone in anger. Like Maul (the first time at least) and D’nar and a few others. All the same, like... y’know. The level of bloodthirst from the others is a little off-putting.

At one point, Anakin accidentally addresses young Obi-Wan by name, despite never having met before, and to cover it up, he... panic-flirts. He panics, and so he flirts, with young Obi-Wan.

(He will later blame this on old Obi-Wan, because he had to pick up the habit of flirting with the enemy from somewhere.)

Anakin vaguely implies that he's a wee bit obsessed with young Obi, and that the padawan should "get used to being the target of a dark-sider's interests," because he’s scrambling for Ominous Shit and, well, future Obi-Wan was pretty frequently a fixation point for darksiders, right?

The second he gets out, he just starts screaming into a bucket while Rex pats him on the back.

For the next however many terrible months, possibly years, he has to keep up the act while having an ongoing meltdown about how That's My Dad As A Twenty-Something.

(It doesn't help that young Obi-Wan reflexively flirted back.)

Old Obi-Wan, meanwhile, is just very "you dug this hole yourself, padawan."

There is an argument at the beginning about Obi-Wan’s outfit. If he’s gonna be a Sith, he can’t just go around in beige, but he’s like “I like this and it’s comfy.” Sure, he’s changed clothes for undercover stuff, but that’s always been temporary, y’know? He likes his beige.

We have a number of options.

My first instinct? Beige linen three piece suit, like a southern lawyer. "Now I may just be a simple Outer Rim force adept--"

And, of course, you can TOTALLY make the beige sinister: he’s impersonating a Jedi! Jedi impersonation would also explain why nobody has a red saber.

“Sure is good that the Jedi don’t seem to realize most of the galaxy doesn’t know red sabers are different and bad.” “Shhhh, stop poking holes in our story where a Jedi might overhear.”

Like.... if you do enough doublethink, it works! How would a Sith hide? In plain sight. Also, it’s a GREAT way (if they were actually assholes) to try to slander the Jedi name.

(Anakin and Ahsoka still think he could stand to put a little more effort in. Add a splash of color, for pity's sake!)

Though tbh part of me is like “What if Old Obi wore, like... a split skirt suit...” Victorian womenswear inspired because he misses his robes, but he has to look Professional, and like he's MOCKING Jedi instead of BEING one, so he wears a vintage-y split skirt thing over his leggings. Ends up looking a lot like what Ventress had for a while, but Beige. I also keep wanting to put him regency menswear.

Anyway. Obi-Wan’s wardrobe aside...

Anakin builds up his Tatoo accent again. It helps him with the (mostly true) "slavery helped me fall" backstory.

Either Cody or Rex offhandedly mentions being made to serve them (the Fake Sith) and now the Jedi are somewhat concerned about brainwashing. Are these Mandos the victims here?

“No like. Literally made for this. In a lab.” This is even more horrifying. So...

On the one hand good! The Jedi should be scared about Sith! On the other hand... it makes the Jedi more determined to stop them, specifically. They keep on getting in the way, just, all the time, and they’re not investigating the actual Sith problem, which is decidedly not great since the Team doesn’t actually know who’s a real Sith right now, except Maul, and who even knows where that guy is.

Obi-Wan, at some point: Do you think we've succeeded at this ruse... a little TOO well? Anakin: I don't follow. Obi-Wan, gesturing at the truly obnoxious amount of wealth they've collected, including "trophies" of their kills: Really? Because I'm a little worried! Anakin, planning out a battle to take on Nar Shadda: ...I'm not.

"How many people do we realistically we need to take over Hutt Space? Apparently... five."

(Mostly because Anakin is ridiculously op.)

ANAKIN AND YOUNG OBI GET KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES TOGETHER. It's tradition.

Anakin: Okay, so, I need to get really angry about something to pass as a Sith... time to think about my WIFE and how I'll NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

Since Anakin’s life never goes as planned... this does not work. Instead of getting properly angry, he makes himself sad. There are tears. There is wailing. There’s a distraught rant or two. Young Obi ends up awkwardly trying to comfort him.

“Oh no, this… Sith?? Is crying on me. What do I do???”

Later on, when the Council wants intel: "So... one of the Sith cried on me about his wife. I think she's dead? He wasn't very clear about it but it, uh... it sounded like it might have contributed to his Fall. Also the relationship was a little unhealthy? He basically worshiped the ground she walked on and kept ranting about how he would have given her the galaxy on a platinum platter of she'd only asked, but that might be new and inspired by the Dark."

One of the random Jedi is REALLY good at detecting the truth Through The Force, and asks Anakin how he Fell...

Anakin just. Tells the Tuskens story.

They don't get pinged as lying, but oh boy does old Obi have a LOT of questions for Anakin once they're in private.

There are other things happening to help sell the ruse. Some of them are necessary! Some of them are... not.

Obi-Wan: What's the best way to show we're rich and kind of evil, but like... classy about it? Anakin, immediately: I sit on the floor next to the throne, leaning against it, and you call me pet names while stroking my hair, and then when you need something killed I get to do it for you and then I go back to the floor and you thank me for the directed violence, and then you go back to Negotiations with criminals while I’m sitting there covered in blood. Obi-Wan: ...is there something you want to TELL us, or...?

"You're all going to get a glimpse of something normally kept hidden about me." "Anakin, you don't have to do that." "No, I'm gonna."

(Anakin has decided hes going to peel his kink tomato to sell this ruse, and the others are slightly uncomfortable with that.)

Anakin: Okay, I cannot keep flirting with you. Young Obi: Wait, what? But that's the best part of any time we run into you! Anakin: You look WAY too much like my Master did when I met him. Obi: O...kay? If someone looked like my master when HE was young, I'd-- Anakin: My Sith Master half-raised me. He's basically my dad. Obi: ... Anakin: What's that look for? Obi: I mean, you spend a lot of time lounging at his feet, and, like, given how much you hate slavery, I... kind of assumed it was a kink thing? Anakin, brightly: Oh no, I just have a LOT of trauma. And neuroses. Snips says they’re neuroses.

Young Obi is a little upset because he was actually getting REALLY into Flirting With The Enemy and was hoping it would go somewhere. He mopes to Qui-Gon about it. Qui-Gon isn't sure whether to be proud about Obi breaking rules, or worried over Obi-Wan falling for a Fake Sith.

(As Tia put it: "You enjoy making young Obi-Wan have a completely unrequited crush on Anakin, don’t you?")

Fortunately, one of those attractive Young Mando boys very kindly helped him tape up his ribs this one time, and has thus caught his eye...

I feel like having Cody date Young Obi would court an entirely different kind of (internet) drama because clone ages, but whatever.

Also please imagine an element of "so I'm dating the genetic identical of my boss... who's dating the man I'm a genetic identical of..."

(It's probably not actually Jangobi but man would that be funny and also stupid.)

Somehow Young Obi figures out that the "Sith Master" is a future him before he realizes that they're not actually dark. In his defense, Anakin was pretty convincing. Especially with the wife rant. It makes HIM more obsessed with Anakin, in a reversal of the implied earlier dynamic, which is all kinds of weird. Less romantic but like. Still weird.

"Future Me Scares Me" with Extra stupid. "Future Me Annoys Me." "Future Me acts like grandmaster Dooku, but more sass." "Future Me raised a really hot evil guy that refuses to bang Present Me." "Future Me might be a Sith, but I'm getting more and more convinced he's just fucking with us all." "Future Me is really rocking that beard, and I can't BELIEVE we figured out a way around the babyface."

"I’m kinda concerned about the whole evil thing, but I’m also glad that I know I’ll stay hot as I get older."

Quinlan approves of the priorities.

Also a lot of interactions with older Obi are very Anakin: [does/says something deeply unhinged] Obi-Wan: So, do you want to…. Talk about that? Maybe? Anakin: What’s there to talk about?? I’m fine, everything’s fine! Anyways how about those plans for tracking down Maul?

Anakin later, like way after the ruse is lifted, just blankly tells everyone that he did Fall, once, and Older Obi made him get therapy about it after the truth came out between the two of them a few months into the Fake Sith thing.

Where'd they find a therapist? I'm sure there's one SOMEWHERE around. Denon and Herdessa are close enough, and they've done enough "your criminal empire now belongs to me" that they can pay well. They make sure to find one that takes confidentiality real seriously.

It's all very "we need some more time to unpack all that."

Therapy helps get Anakin to figure out Sheev’s whole deal. They don't necessarily figure out he’s a Sith from it, but they figure out he’s sketchy and they need to look into that more. Obi-Wan probably already thought he was sketchy, but the whole active gaslighting campaign was a little surprising. They realize that he kinda benefited a lot from a lot of Sith plots and they still probably don’t think he’s a Sith but Obi-Wan is definitely starting to think he’s working with one.

"Okay, we're already bugging Gunray, should we bug Palpatine just to be safe?"

They get away with a lot of slicing because Anakin is a technical genius from twenty years in the future.

The reasons they're so good at Taking Over Hutt Space: 1. They know parts of the future. 2. They have superpowers and FAR less reason to not use them, now that their actions aren't going to reflect on the Republic. 3. They have Cody and Rex, who are two of the greatest military minds in the galaxy, and know EXACTLY how to wage a war that covers a solid third of the galaxy, starting from a position of relative weakness. 4. Anakin's charisma is scary high, and his knowledge of slave culture means they gain a lot of trust from the people they free, and they just... keep acquiring volunteers for the army they didn't plan to have. Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do. He thinks they might have started a cult?

In his defense, Dooku sort of started a cult, and Komari got kidnapped by a cult, brainwashed into joining it properly, and then took it over as head figure of said cult. It's practically tradition!

Comics Vader is the central figure of like three different cults, it was really just inevitable.

Anakin: Aw, don't worry master, it's not a cult, it's a revolution! Ahsoka: They're worshiping him, though. Anakin: ...it's still a revolution! Just... with some misunderstandings.

Also, if they got wind of people trying to keep people from being able to leave and other culty stuff like that, they’d probably put a stop to it pretty damn quick.

Names! Time for names. As per usual, it's easiest to keep track of Obi-Wan's alternate Older Self by just calling him Ben.

Darth Ben.

Ahsoka: You should be Darth Boring. Obi-Wan: I can still make you run laps, you know.

Anakin: The Force is telling me to call myself Darth Vader. Obi-Wan: ...why? Anakin: I dunno, but it sounds cool, I'll run with it.

Someone: Ben has all the answers; we shouldn’t question him, ever. Ben: One time I lost a planet, and a five-year-old found it for me.

More options: Going with the "evil word with the prefix 'in' chopped off" that we get with Sidious and Vader: Darth Surrectus (as in insurrection) Just random Latin words: Darth Temporus (time) Darth Commenticius (fake)

Anyway, back to Nonsense:

Maul goes after young Obi early, because the Fake Sith are really invested in this one random Padawan (Sidious is saying he might be a cousin of the false Sith Master? They do look similar enough) so someone needs to investigate. Naturally, Anakin shows up with some wild screeching to fight Maul, and when someone questions why he got involved it gets very "Kenobi is MINE!" and like. Okay. So.

Anakin means it in a very Sith "to toy with" and "to torture" way, or the ‘my chosen opponent!’ way, just the same kind of Obsession as Maul had with Obi-Wan in the original timeline. Unfortunately, Anakin’s a weird-ass person who flirts with Young Obi against his own better judgement, so there's some awkward "Like... your boyfriend?" from young Obi. Anakin just screeches in SOME emotion that nobody wants to interpret, and couldn't even if they wanted to, and starts whacking away at Maul again.

(Anakin hasn't explained the "you look exactly like my dad, sorry, it's just too weird" thing yet, and he is HAVING MANY REGRETS.)

There's definitely at least one instance where a person asks Anakin if he's planning on dating That One Jedi Twink, or at least banging out the tension. At that point in time, Anakin doesn't actually know who the fuck they're talking about, because "Obi-Wan + Twink = Does Not Compute" for dear, dense Ani, and instead he just ends up ranting about how he is LOYAL TO THE MEMORY OF HIS LATE WIFE, how DARE anyone so much as INSINUATE that he would TARNISH HER PERFECT MEMORY and UNWAVERING KINDNESS and WHOLESOME BEING, and the person who asked doesn't end up lightsabered but they do end up with a LOT to tell whoever they're reporting to.

Young Obi-Wan definitely hears Anakin mutter the phrase “something to discuss with my therapist later” a few times, and he’s a little bewildered because darksiders definitely don’t seem like the type of people to go to therapy. They’re the type of people to need therapy, sure, but not the type to go to therapy.

I think it would be very fun for Young Obi to continue sighing over Anakin (who's pretending to be fine with it and even flirting back because he's in too deep to stop and hasn't worked up the courage to explain the elephant in the room) while Anakin is covered in grease and infodumping while having a slightly manic hyperfocus on engine repairs while the two of them Somehow got stranded together in the middle of bumfuck nowhere (it's Plagueis's doing, he finds the interactions between THESE two in particular to be the most informative regarding the fake Sith).

Anakin, at some point while stranded with young Obi-Wan, and having actually started unpacking some stuff in therapy, though he’s def still got a ways to go: I’m pretty sure Ben cares about me. He acts like he cares, like he’ll do stuff like put extra blankets in my quarters in the spaceship because I get cold real easily or track down those droid parts I need for a project and he always has my back in a fight but y’know it’d be nice to hear him say he loves me once in a while. Especially because we kinda had a rough start and idk I don’t think he wanted me around at first.

And uh. Obi-Wan definitely relates to that a bit too much, y’know?

I want to say that Young Obi ends up mentioning All That to one of the clones or Ahsoka later, because they seem probably invested in Anakin's well-being, even if Ben is, well, a Sith, so Obi-Wan's a little worried the man's affection really is fake, but at least Ahsoka...

(Ironic, given what Anakin's actual eventual Sith would-be-Master was like.)

Young Obi mentions Anakin’s most recent rant to Ahsoka, and she just goes "Wait, is that why Skyguy likes to sit by the throne and get called pet names?" "Uh... I don't... know... but it sounds like all of you have a LOT to unpack there, Miss Apprentice."

Later on: "Master Kenobi, you need to tell Skyguy you love him 'cause apparently he's been having a lot of emotions about you not telling him you care and he's been talking to mini-you about it whenever they get stuck together and--"

Young Obi-Wan is just constantly the "Now we don't have time to unpack all of that" John Mulaney gif. Anakin in particular is a mess, and young Obi-Wan slowly goes from "I want to date that" to "I want to study that" about him.

Obi-Wan gets stuck somewhere with Ben, tries to small talk, gets on the topic of Vader, and spills the drama. He gets an awkward “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.”

It’s followed by a fairly frustrated “I try, but Anakin refuses to communicate his needs to me, and it feels like I’m always falling short.”

At least one member of the group is in therapy, probably all of them, but they’re still using young Obi as a sounding board for all this stuff. On the bright side, this is probably good for impressing the importance of good communication on Obi-Wan.

Good for Obi-Wan! And... whatever Padawan he eventually has.

As for baby Anakin, who is approximately age four, I want to go with "Anakin decides to be his own uncle, and Shmi just rolls with it because fuck it, she’s not a slave anymore, and a Fake Sith is a solid defense against anyone trying to re-enslave them."

[This is a backstory I've had them use before (see here and here).]

Seeing Big Ani and Little Ani in the same space might be what finally pings the "oh shit, that's future me" thing for Obi-Wan... you know, if he’s ever allowed close enough to see Little Ani in the first place.

Little Ani stays with the fake-Sith and is sorta jointly trained by all of them, and young Obi-Wan teaches little 'Soka at the Temple. Ani and 'Soka still end up friends somehow, but it is fairly different.

Every time little Ani addresses Old Obi as "Dad," it's just like ten kinds of awkward. The one time someone tried to explain that Ben wasn't his new dad, Shmi glared them down. She is of the opinion that, all the gods be damned, Ani deserves to refer to the most mature man in his life, who raised another him in another timeline already, as a father.

Ani doesn't NEED a father, Shmi herself is more than enough, but he does deserve to have this if he wants it.

An alternative conclusion to the time travel is uh. So the Mandalorians are genetically identical (give or take a hair gene) and really resemble Jango Fett, though whether anyone notices that is up in the air. Then the three ‘Sith’ (two fake Sith and their morality chain tag-along) have three younger, identical copies show up….

It could be really weird cloning shenanigans. Now, it makes no sense that they’d make clones, and stagger their production like that, and leave them as babies on various planets for Jedi to find. IDK what reasons Obi-Wan would come up with for that, but it’s a fun little detour before he gets to time travel.

There's a really painful moment (for the audience, who know about canon Vader) where someone tries to convince Ahsoka to leave the Sith and she's just like "no way, they'd never hurt me!” Then she clarifies that “someone has to keep them from doing stupid Sith shit whenever they get bored, you know?"

A bunch of Jedi probably think she’s delusional, but the few that have seen her get into trouble that is legitimately too much for her, which isn't often, have then seen Anakin show up like the devil himself to save her, and it's like. Oh. This is why she isn't scared of them hurting her.

We’ve discussed how Anakin does get concerningly in character with the fake Sith thing. However, Anakin and Ahsoka are, just once in a while, surprised by how Ben gets sometimes when playing the bad guy.

After all, he stabbed a dude with a fork and threatened to eat him during his time as Hardeen…

He has the same dramatic streak as all the rest of the lineage. He can be vindictive and creepy and scary as fuck.

HOWEVER:

Obi-Wan: I know I'm supposed to be playing at evil right now, but how do we feel about me making that evil a little... fruity? Ahsoka: Fruity, master? Anakin, who knows where this is going: [buries face in hands] Obi-Wan: You know, the... [limp wrist] Ahsoka: ... Obi-Wan: I mean, I'm already bisexual and well-groomed, I can play it up.

What’s the point of being evil if you can’t be flamboyant?

Anyway, I had to put in a lot of thought for what to do with Rex and Cody, because there's a solid place for them in terms of strategy, but it doesn't do much to give them independent narrative arcs, and 'young Obi-Wan has a crush' isn't much of an arc, you know?

So, basic info first: Cody, Rex, and Anakin all hold the rank of General in this AU because, like... who else is gonna. Ahsoka remains a commander because everyone declares her Baby, and also to keep up the "I'm a morality chain" ruse.

Cody maintains a very stern and unyielding public persona, but the second they're behind closed doors, he's roughhousing with his little brother.

Rex has some fun pretending to be a sadist whenever he and Anakin have to team up, because hamming it up as an evil bastard in front of Jedi is actually really fun... but usually, he's a competent fucking professional.

Because here's the thing: someone has to be.

They both kind of hate the army they've gotten, because these people don't even have proper trigger discipline, let alone any actual discipline.

This army? Tragic. They hate it. Give them the clones.

They have to be drill sergeants for months before they have anything worth sending onto the field.

I think that might be how/when they end up reaching out to Jango. Like, the first inroad is absolutely "we're your clones from the future and you were a Shit Dad so you owe us," but then they actually talk him around into letting the Fake Sith hire him. He brings along all the Mandalorians he can get to answer his calls, and on suggestion from Those Mando Twins, joins the army Ben doesn't even want.

Darth Boring doesn't want an army! Unfortunately, Cody thinks that's stupid as hell, and is overruling Ben so they can actually work on this 'cleaning up the galaxy of slavery' thing with actual resources.

Cody and Rex are super competent, and it shows in their horrified disdain for the state of their troops.

Rex: Fucking natborns. Anyone who isn't in the know: What's a natborn? Rex: [leaves without answering] People: WHAT'S A NATBORN???

(I'm assuming that the word smush is harder to parse in Basic.)

I think young Obi-Wan's new crush on Cody should also be unrequited. Cody's just like... bemused. Very "Okay, then, that sure is an Affection you've decided on."

Cody and Anakin both: Sorry, it’d just be too weird. Obi-Wan: Why would it be too weird? Cody and Anakin: Reasons.

Rex has to deal with the "whyyyyy" from both his brother and his (former?) General.

Young Obi-Wan just likes cute boys that fight good! Is that so wrong???

Ahsoka: So since we're not officially Jedi anymore-- Obi-Wan: We're still Je-- Ahsoka: Can we date? Can I date now? I want to date someone before we go back to the Code. It's a classic life experience for most teenage girls, and I want to Have That Experience before we're back at the Temple. Obi-Wan: You're not... you can date, Ahsoka, that's not actually banned by the Code. I mean, you'd have to keep it casual, but-- Ahsoka: I CAN DATE!!!

(Great priorities, Ahsoka.)

An idea I'm toying with is that one of the clones ends up Legally Engaged to Satine for political reasons, and young Obi-Wan is just like ???? because not only can he not date the hot boys, but one of said hot boys has become Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

Young Obi-Wan is suffering, and Quinlan is the worst friend ever because Quinlan is laughing at him.

There is obviously the question of

"How would Satine ever end up agreeing to that, given what their public personas are like and all that? She puts duty ahead of personal feelings but all indications are that it’s a terrible decision both ways." (as stated by Tia)

Which, yes, I forgot to actually say that I was imagining Jango had declared "those twins" his heirs after telling people they were his younger* cousins. Because reasons.

* Jango is about 27 when they land in the past, and I’m going to say the accelerated aging ended after hitting physically twenty because no, I don’t want to deal with that. As far as anyone knows, Cody and Rex are about five years younger than Jango. They’re less than year apart, which isn’t very visible, and most people assume they’re identical twins (except Rex’s hair), and that Cody just looks slightly older because of the scar.

Darth Boring had convinced Satine that the way to keeping Mandalore peaceful was to work with Jango (because Darth Boring, which is not his actual title but it is what Ahsoka insists on calling him in private, has a vested interest in keeping Mandalore and all interested parties calm), and he... maybe accidentally set up a political marriage between her and one of the clones.

It wasn't on purpose! Satine never married in his timeline, okay, he didn't expect her to ever get married here, either! He didn't even suggest it! This just happened!

(I want to say that Cody would be more competent at having a political marriage? But IDK.)

Do I do the Satine thing? It has potential, but also it's a bit of a cop-out. Do I have Cody be a diplomatic representative for their pseudo-Sith empire? He could be, but I think he'd hate it. Do I have Rex date one the Chaos Entities (Anakin or Ahsoka), or is that too repetitive with my other works? THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON.

Part of me wants Quinlan to get a crush on Cody, and the crush gets bigger specifically in response to the fact that Cody refuses to take him seriously and/or just doesn't give him the time of day.

Based on their one interaction in TCW, they probably let get along ok. Cody maybe likes him back, buuuuuuut internally he's just a little "you were tolerable at almost-forty; early twenties you is obnoxious."

Just imagine the absolutely puppyish attempts at gaining approval and Impressing The Hot Mando General. Quinlan keeps having vague daydreams of seducing someone to the side of the Light. He really leans into the bodice ripper fantasies of saving someone evil with the power of love! (And also the power of really good sex.)

Bant looks at Quin and Obi and wants to throw them both into the nearest pond because they're idiots, but on this topic they are the same flavor of idiot. She considers calling up Reeft and Garen to help her knock some sense into them.

Quinlan: Can I volunteer to go undercover to the Sith? The Council: No. Quinlan: ...what if I-- The Council: No.

Tholme tries to get Qui-Gon to commiserate over their Padawans getting obsessed with Hot Sith Boys, but Qui-Gon just finds the whole thing funny. He knows from the chats he has with Ben that Anakin feels so completely, utterly, incredibly awkward about all of this.

(Ben continues to hold to "Anakin brought this on himself.")

(Ben also “kidnaps” Qui-Gon a lot.)

Also, hey, at least Quinlan isn’t actually into hot Sith boys! He’s into hot Sith minions which is... probably a step up. At least Cody’s not a Sith himself!

It's a step in some direction but Tholme has no idea which one.

(Quinlan sees Cody in dress uniform once and just keeps the mental image for Ages. It’s in his dreams. Sometimes said dreams overflow to Tholme via Force Mind Magic and Quinlan wakes up to someone smacking his face with a pillow.)

Arguably, Quin's also a lot more romantic about his crush than Obi-Wan is, in this case. Quinlan: I want to save him... Obi-Wan: Hey, hey, cute boy. Look at me. Let’s bang.

Cody: There are currently two future Jedi generals having some form of absurd romantic fixation in my direction. I don't know how to feel about this. Rex: Bed them. Cody: ...I'm not saying that's not eventually an option, but one of them is the younger Kenobi, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Rex: Pat him on the head like a tooka and then bed his friend, it'll be funny.

I think the Quinlan thing and also general exasperation of leading an absolutely useless army can function pretty solidly as the basis for Cody, but I have another idea for Rex now.

Komari is currently brainwashed in a cult, yes? So.

I keep bouncing around back and forth on what to do with Rex, but part of me suddenly really likes the idea of, after Team Fake Sith finds and dissolves the cult (as one does), and takes Komari into custody (because she's dangerous and deeply unwell), Rex kind of ends up her touchstone to being a decent person. He’s not a morality chain, and it’s not really a redeemed-through-love thing, just This Is A Solid Dude who doesn't pity her or thinks she's irredeemable (however you choose to define such a thing), but actually relates to the kind of conditions living like that can involve, and just kind of...

I don’t know. I think Rex's arc in this AU could be very heavily grounded in something to the effect of "You're not the worst darksider I've met. You're not the only person who was in a cult. You're not even the only former Jedi I know that's committed awful, horrible crimes. My question is just this: What are you going to do moving forward?"

Later Anakin: Wait, who do we know that was in a cult? Rex: What did you think Kamino was?

(Rex isn't as chill as he'd like her to think, but he's trying, and she's fairly reliant on the Force to understand emotions, and is currently in nullifying cuffs, so he can bluff.)

Komari needs someone solid and dependable to rely on for at least conversation, and I think Rex needs to feel needed.

I’m not sure if it’d be romance or friendship, but I think there's a solid basis to work with, potentially.

Per Tia:

One thing about Rex and shipping is like. If you want to do Rexwalker again that's fine, but if you're worried about repetitiveness but still want to like. Ship him in a non-political-convenience way. Rexsoka here actually would be different than your other stuff.

I'm trying to figure out if I can make it work because Ahsoka thematically fits very much into a little sister shaped hole here? She feels younger than in other works, despite not actually being younger than she is in, say, Commander Buir. In those other fics, she has some time alone to function and prove herself independently of Anakin and Obi-Wan.

I usually pluck Ahsoka out at sixteen if I'm pulling her from TCW, so she's got most of her competence but hasn't gotten quite all the trauma yet. Commander Buir, in particular, also has baby-shaped Anakin for contrast.

That said, I can see a decent source of narrative conflict in her wanting to experiment with romance and all that, and Anakin trying to tell her she's too young.

A year into this whole time-travel mess, she wants to give the dating thing a shot, and it spirals into "You were only two years older than me when you got married!"

I think I could build a plot out of Ahsoka wanting to do these things, and Anakin as an audience insert not quite processing that she's old enough to make these decisions. If she's choosing to date Rex, whose age works out as being close to hers when one takes into account Kamino fuckery, and whom she trusts absolutely, it’s arguably extra weird for Anakin to be upset with it.

"Senator Amidala was five years older than you, and you married her when you were nineteen and had only really known her for a week! I can go on a date with a guy we both know is one of the most trustworthy people alive if I want, Skyguy!"

I can definitely see Ahsoka getting annoyed with Anakin being overbearing and controlling at some point before that unrelated to romance, too. It’s not exactly a new fault of his.

My god, just imagine someone snidely asking Anakin "where's your little shadow?" and Anakin, being Himself and also a Fake Sith, has an emotional breakdown about how Ahsoka yelled at him for micromanaging her and not trusting her to make her own decisions in life and so she got herself a multi-month solo mission from Ben that Anakin isn't allowed to know any details about, and--

It's another one of those "oh, you have PROBLEMS problems with your mental health" incidents for the Jedi to add to the file, because Anakin having emotionally charged rants about his issues at seemingly terrible times is how they get a lot of information.

Some of the rants are planned.

Many of them, actually.

They want the Jedi to know these things.

Just, well. Anakin.

He really is a little Like That.

On that note, I'm low-key imagining that Anakin gets put on mood stabilizers by the therapist in this context, and he's doing good! He's handling his issues! He's--been captured with Obi-Wan the Younger again and his medication was confiscated.

Anakin is... not great. He's a little out of practice managing his unmedicated self, and when adding withdrawal symptoms onto that... poor Anakin.

(Poor Obi-Wan.)

I think it would be best if Anakin makes a bunch of ominous blustery comments at their captors about how they won't like what's coming to them if they take his belongings (AKA the fanny pack that has his backup pills), and then Obi-Wan just gets to watch Anakin get more and more erratic, because like. Yes, Anakin is using the Force to compensate, but unfortunately he's mostly cut off, and the stress of the situation is pushing him away from depression and into the beginnings of a manic episode.

Anakin is aware of his issues to the point where he's mostly managing, and he keeps asking Obi-Wan "would it make sense for me to [slightly deranged, very impulsive action]," and Obi-Wan realizes he's being the morality sounding board for the Hot Sith because ??? reasons?????

Eventually, Anakin does flop back in bed and dramatically throws his arm over his eyes, and says he needs his meds back, he's absolutely going to lose it, and Obi-Wan tentatively asks what kind of medication. There are levels to worry about. Mild allergy medication is one thing, but heart medication that needs to be taken every four hours is another, you know? He wants to know how much panic is appropriate.

Anakin lets him know that it's Psychiatric In Nature. Obi-Wan suddenly realizes that he really, really, really doesn't want to know what a properly erratic, unmedicated Anakin is like.

(An unmedicated Anakin really isn't nearly as bad as Obi-Wan fears. Anakin's been dealing with this for a while, and knows what his issues are and some of how to deal with them. He'd need to be running on no sleep and higher levels of stress, or to have been drugged with something meant to increase his aggression, to really lose his shit and do something worthy of Vader. RotS levels of stress and sleep deprivation is required to pull RotS levels of manic paranoid delusion.)

Tia asked:

How long does it take the Jedi in general to catch on to how like. They have opportunities. But these Sith never seem to harm any Jedi. And it’s not just like, the past timeline parts of the disaster lineage. They probably get opportunities to hurt other Jedi. Ones that are less skilled at saber work. And more importantly ones that they don’t seem weirdly interested in."

I'm not sure, really. The Jedi don't spend as much time in the Outer Rim as they could, and that's where the Team operates, so actually running into them by accident is unlikely for anyone other than Shadows.

Fortunately, it's really easy to toy with Shadows with the excuse of "I want to see how long it takes before you Fall with us."

I do want like... okay. Here’s the mental image:

Qui-Gon calls them out on being Fake Sith pretty quickly, so Ben just sort of eyes him, dramatically, and orders out "Leave us" to all non-team people. The threat of torture is implied but not stated. He gestures with wine to keep in character. He definitely makes sure Young Obi-Wan is ushered out, so it's just five time travelers, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Ahsoka's immortal force birb.

"...so, what's the reason for the farce, Obi-Wan?" "How in all the hells did you figure it out so quickly?"

(Qui-Gon cheated a bit. He could feel the broken training bond that was never properly severed due to Traumatic Death Of A Master on Ben's end)

Ben didn't realize he'd feel it! Young Obi-Wan can't feel his older self or a training bond with Anakin or Ahsoka, so why could Qui-Gon?

IDK if there would be anything on the level of crying and hugging it out, but I think it would be very funny if, every time young Obi and Anakin are getting captured by pirates or something, Ben and Qui-Gon are just having a nice afternoon tea and checking their watches to see if their respective walking bundles of neuroses are done with their adventure yet.

The Council is So Done, because Qui-Gon continues to insist that they're Not That Bad, but every time anyone other than Qui-Gon brings up the friendship, Ben laughs and makes a comment about how absolutely gullible Master Jinn is.

Obi-Wan is skeptical of his own experiences with Anakin, at least, if only because he's skeptical about Anakin's everything.

"I don't know if Vader is telling me the truth. I don't know if he's telling himself the truth. I don't think he's a great source of information even when he thinks he's being honest."

Anakin could tell Obi-Wan the full and complete truth, and Obi-Wan would worriedly put a hand to his forehead and start doing tests for hallucinations and paranoid delusions. In his defense, this is a very reasonable assumption to make with an individual like Anakin. It's just also not accurate, this time. I don’t know if Anakin hallucinates in canon without a weird inciting incident like Force Nonsense or getting drugged by the enemy, but paranoid delusion is pretty much all of RotS.

"I’m your time-traveling padawan who’s pretending to be a Sith to catch some other Sith who’re going to start a galactic civil war and those Mandalorians you like are from a clone army based on a template of Jango Fett made to serve the Jedi (because that’s totally something he’d sign up for), and one of the Sith is your grandmaster but he doesn’t seem to have fallen yet, it’s probably fine," is hard to believe.

Honestly, even if he seemed stable before saying that, which he doesn’t, it’s all real far fetched. There's a lot going on and Obi-Wan wouldn't even begin to believe it without evidence.

I've had it in my head that he and Bant and Quinlan have been gossiping about the mess for months if not years about these idiots, and at one point it became common knowledge that Ben was a Kenobi, and Bant convinced them (since the two were among the most likely in the entire Order to encounter the Fake Sith) to get a DNA sample, probably hair or blood since that's easiest so they can figure out HOW these two are related, if they are, and then there's a whole big thing.

Bant: No, no, this must be contaminated, it's coming up as Obi-Wan! Are you sure you didn't accidentally grab some of your own hairs? I know it's a little long for most of your hair, but the braid-- Quinlan: Wait, they keep claiming stuff about cloning, right? Maybe someone's a clone? Check for artificial telomeres! Bant: ...okay, so, there aren't any artificial telomeres, but the ones from apparently-Ben are... a lot shorter... um... I don't know what to do with this. It's like I have two samples from the same person, twenty years apart. Quinlan: Obi-Wan, what's that face? Why are you-- Obi-Wan: Vader told me he was a time-traveler. I thought it was the fever talking, but...

That’s how he finds out that Ben is future-him before finding out about how he’s not evil!

"Master Jinn... I think... I think the Sith controlling the Outer Rim is me from the future." "Oh, you finally figured it out?" "I AM HAVING A CRISIS HERE."

Obi-Wan, after a few hours of dazed realization, runs screaming to Quinlan and Bant like 'GUYS GUYS THIS EXPLAINS WHY VADER KEPT SAYING IT WAS WEIRD AND THAT I LOOK LIKE HIS MASTER AND THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE DATING HIS DAD.'

You know, the important stuff.

I think Qui-Gon tells him that Ben isn't evil because, like, That Sure Is A Crisis Obi-Wan's Having. He could hold off for shits and giggles, sure, but Obi-Wan’s on the edge of something Really Concerning, mentally. Best help calm him down on at least one or two things.

Obi-Wan’s maybe still a little skeptical until he confronts them over it. Because their Sith act was real good and also like. Maybe Qui-Gon just wants to believe the best of his Padawan, y’know?

Quinlan runs into Ben before Obi-Wan does, after this whole mess, and gets to observe as money changes hands and people act like sore winners about bets made for When Does Obi-Wan Figure It Out.

Anakin was saying 'soon' because he really didn't think the fever-fueled rant would be discounted as easily as it was.

Cody was of the opinion that it would take at least a few more years since they're actually pretty damn good at this whole schtick.

Quinlan: Wow, he's... going to be really disappointed that you have such a low opinion of his intelligence. Cody, gesturing at Ben: Experience. Darth Ben: ಠ_ಠ

Cody just rattles off some of the Extremely Stupid Shit that Ben's done in their time working together.

Rex cheerily offers up "You didn't even realize General Skywalker was married, sir! And they weren't subtle!" "I knew they were together, I just didn--" "Everyone knew they were together, sir. Everyone."

(Rex had the lowest opinion of their deductive capabilities. He claims it would have taken until Baby Ahsoka showed up at the Jedi Temple.)

-Once Obi-Wan accepts that they're decent people after all- Obi-Wan: Wow, Anakin, you're real good at acting unhinged! Anakin: Haha. Yeah. Thanks?

[nevertheless-moving]

au/episode where Obi-Wan and Anakin run-afoul of some Sith temple defensive measure and both completely lose their memory. Featuring:

wandering around a highly contested hell-scape planet fighting absolutely everyone because they both sense doom from both armies and instinctively trust only each other

it’s deeply embarrassing to be beat up by amnesia duo because they're flailing about really incompetently with makeshift staffs (sith temple stole their lightsabers and their muscle memory is adjusted for a weightless blade) while shouting at each other, “HEY SIR JUST REALIZED I CAN LEVITATE STUFF?!?! CAN EVERYONE LEVITATE STUFF?!?!”

(they think their names are sir and general because that’s what the clones keep calling them while chasing them down)

just the silliest fight scenes as the troopers are desperately trying to demonstrate they’re friendly while also attempting to subdue the Jedi before they die and obi-wan and anakin are really in tune with the force but barely capable at fighting so they mostly just dodge and do cartwheels while like 300 men try to tackle them. everyone looks stupid.

playful bickering over whose older because Sir looks older but maybe it’s just the beard (obi-wan refuses to shave in case General is right)

platonic cuddling because they both get cold and they don’t know they’re not supposed to 

they both sleep incredibly well, it’s honestly insane how much better they feel a week-in, even on the run they’re getting so much more sleep 

(this can most likely be attributed to a lack of crushing guilt and stress but the cuddling also probably helps)

Obi-Wan struggling to use the force and anakin trying to explain until Obi-Wan bursts into tears because “it’s not easy for him how are you making it look so easy”

“Maybe I’m just more experienced?” Anakin says in a panic. 

sparring with staffs like no- this is- this almost right but not at all...

Anakin being very gee whiz sweet a la episode one, like he sees some troopers are in trouble with the quicksand and insists that they go to the rescue.

the group of shinies are relieved but also very unnerved to be rescued by kind and gentle General Skywalker and scowling General Kenobi (Obi-Wan also wanted to help the troops but felt the need to be overly suspicious to balance things out)

alternating between being the risk taker and the cautious one (no change from canon there)

aaand Obi-Wan occasionally going: “What if we're married, or lovers? Maybe we should try and sleep together, just to see if it jogs any memories" because his default mode is slut 

Anakin: "I don't know man it feels wrong" 

Obi-Wan: "yes what does that have to do with anything"

(I’m not very into Obikin so the minor Obikin subplot would be a hilarious source of deep personal and physical distress to them once memories are regained)

Literally the entirety of what happens:

*make out for 30 seconds*

Obi-Wan: *breaks it off* “Yeah you were right that was super weird sorry”

Anakin: “uhhh” (it was super weird for him too but Obi-Wan’s a really good kisser so amnesia!Anakin now has uncomfortably mixed feelings)

Rex chasing them and growing increasingly stressed because everyone thinks they’re way more sexually involved then they actually are and just knows they’re going to freak out when they get back to normal

supporting evidence: cuddling, calling obi-wan ‘sir,’ the fact that the more time passes the more radiantly cheerful they seem- like we get that forgetting all their responsibilities is probably great but they keep getting more good-spirited (this is 95% because of the sleep), a lot of times when they find them they’re inexplicably shirtless and sweaty (meditating and sparring)...the list goes on

this is confirmed when they freak the fuck out upon regaining their memories. Histrionics, vomiting, avoiding each-other, crying. 

so much crying

SO uncomfortable to be around

they get back to coruscant and Anakin breaks down apologizing to Padme and she’s completely understanding, doesn’t consider it infidelity, completely natural given the circumstances, and then Anakin chokes out the explanation of sort-of enjoying his Master’s tongue in his mouth and how he almost even kissed him twice 

Padme: ”...That’s...it?”

Anakin: *sniffling* “I mean sometimes we woke up with boners but that kind-of just happens even when you’re in medbay or whatever...”

Padme: “I see so then you-”

Anakin: “Oh Force No! Oh wow, ugh. Yeah I guess things could have been worse, but still!”

Padme: “...A month and all you did was kiss once?”

Anakin: “I’m not explaining right”

[ayo-cowbelly]

the anakin and barriss au of greatness

it's past midnight but i'm in an inspired mood so fuck it (even tho my typing is waking up my dog who is now looking at me like i'm insane)

ok so what if barriss and anakin had a bigger age gap and barriss ended up being anakins padawan (i know barriss isn’t as battle oriented as ahsoka can be so maybe shes a bit ooc here but idc im here for it)

like imagine the chaos. not in the absolutely-unhinged-murder-twins way of anakin and ahsoka, but more like barriss being the good cop/exasperated mom and anakin being the (sometimes surprisingly wise) feral chihuahua who is either giving out sage advice (that he doesn't follow himself, of course) or throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a shoe store or something.

so let's start at the beginning, shall we?

barriss would first show up in the clone wars movie with a million different battle plans ready to go

she studied on the way over in her jedi space uber

Walking out talking a mile a minute

“Master kenobi, i understand i’m new here, but maybe we should consider putting the men over here and having a squadron attack from above? Or perhaps the cannons and multiple squads could serve as a good brute force distraction while others could quietly zipline into the shield generator-”

Anakin and obi wan are watching this random, soft spoken 15 year old coming up with plans A, B, C, all the way to Z and just trying to solve all their problems in complete shock

She meets rex and is like “oh hello, by the way, excuse me if this is out of pocket, but i have an interest in healing and i might have a way to slow down the clones’ rapid healing, if that interests you-”

And rex is like o.O who are you and why do i suddenly want to protect you

Give me rex and barriss being a brother-sister wonder twin duo who have to keep anakin from getting fucking oblierated by droids every other week

Barriss and anakin might not get along at first tho

She doesn’t see the point in being extremely reckless and he doesn’t understand the need to be careful/more meticulous in a fight

“Why do you insist on being so ridiculously thoughtless?” “why do YOU insist on thinking so much in the middle of battle?”

But then they learn to fight together and find the happy medium

Please just give me anakin getting barriss so out of her head / teaching her to be more in the moment

But also she teaches anakin the value of patience and allowing others to help you (thE IMPORTANCE OF LEANING ON PEOPLE AND UNDERSTANDING YOUR LIMITS AHHHHH)

there's one battle where it just clicks and they grin at each other, like hey, i understand you, and anakins like holy shit thats my PADAWAN right there

he keeps her from being so hard on herself when she makes mistakes and she tries to convince him that the entire world is not on his shoulders

when an extrovert and an introvert collide but it ends up working out and they bring out the better sides of each other

I want them to emotionally support each other ok

Obvi barriss doesn’t have the whole character regression that was the wrong jedi arc cause my queen didn’t need that and anakin ofc guides her and teaches her to Feel Her Emotions

Also anakin doesn’t fall to the dark here because, due to barriss’ lessons about being less impulsive, he actually 1) took a nap, 2) didn’t shut people (obi wan) out so much, and 3) actually had a few Smart Thoughts™ in ROTS and didn’t just, yk, jump head first into being a sith lord

She balances out his aggressive tendencies, but he teaches her to let out her frustrations

Give me preserving your emotional and mental health by letting other people support you for 400

Imagine:

Anakin: my wife is pregnant what do i do

Barriss, who has been majoring in healing as a side hustle while also practically co-running the 501st: get an OB-GYN then ultrasound that shit

Also obi wan and barriss would be literature besties, they probably have a book club with mace windu and commander wolffe that meets every other week to drink wine and talk shit

Oh also barriss is Smart, and since she’s working on reversing the clones’ accelerated healing, is on kamino all the time, so she discovers the order 66 death chips earlier and fives survives (and ofc palpabitch goes down)

She gets on a zoom call with anakin, rex, and obi wan and pulls up a brain scan of a clone like “yall- tf is this” and then the jedi PI or whoever investigates mysteries on coruscant takes over

Basically barriss is a queen and i love her sm in the weapons factory arc, and i think her dynamic with anakin would be such a good opposites attract = best friends type beat ok

[obiwanobi]

listen to this AU: obi-wan sleeps with a random guy in the outer rim, realises the day after that he lacked a force signature (aka he hid it), gets suspicious but doesn't meet the guy until like three years later. they sleep with each othr again, they get the other's name (surprise it's anakin), obi-wan thinks he's a pilot, anakin just thinks obi-wan is a regular jedi, not the famous one from the holonet BECAUSE HE'S THAT STUPID. fast forward, they've met several times, slept with eachother 1/2

BUT also bonded, they kinda like each other now, obi.wan looks forward to meeting the handsome arrogant pilot with suspicious jobs, anakin likes the handsome jedi even though he knows he probably shouldn't BECASUE HE HAS A SECRET, also they've avoided the whole force signature thing. one day they meet again. on dooku's ship. anakin has a lightsaber A RED ONE, and obi-wan's like YOU'RE A SITH?? and anakin is like YOU'RE THAT OBI-WAN KENOBI? 2/?

so it turns out, anakin is a sith apprentice because he and dooku/palpatine made a deal, his apprenticeship for his mother's freedom, so he's been secretly training under dooku but never really fought in the war, only doing weird solo missions so obi-wan has never heard of him but without slept and maybeee just fallen in love with a SITH and anakin is super scared of dooku/palpatine, so he's torn between trying to kill obi and getting punished harshly if he doesn't ?/?

but yeah there's this big drama about palpatine being a sith lord, obi-wan being in love with anakin, anakin wanting to help his unofficial boyfriend but also scred of what his master will do to him or his mother, and hopefully this AU has a happy ending with palpatine dying and shmi surviving but i'm not sure. and yeah i was supposed to be anonymous when writing this but forgot so now you know my guilty pleasure aka obikin and star wars

(it’s alright, I don’t have to post your username if you don’t want other people to know 😘) 

my god, this is SO GOOD. I adore the idea of them casually having sex before catching feelings and realising who they are, what a perfect trope.

The post was getting a bit long, so have some more ideas under the cut! 

In an always-a-sith!Anakin AU, I like to think that Obi-Wan doesn’t get a padawan for a while (and probably think that because he barely made it as a padawan himself, he’s not the right person to teach future Jedi,) so it gives him plenty of time to take missions that let him gallivant around the galaxy and be his flirting and daring self without restriction for ten glorious years. So a one night stand with the gorgeous pilot (probably a spice runner, but hey, Obi-Wan isn’t here to judge,) with the arrogance of someone who’s never been praised and loved enough in his life? It’s precisely what Obi-Wan does best. 

At first, Anakin probably thought that it would be fun to sleep with a Jedi, you know, for the irony, but Obi-Wan is strangely pleasant, charming and witty. Not at all cold, moralistic and straight-laced, like other darksiders described the Jedi Order, and he hides behind his charming demeanours and smooth voice a surprisingly daredevil side, which is... very hot, if you ask Anakin.

And the sex is great, so when they meet once again a few months later, it becomes an unspoken agreement that if they’re on the same planet/close to each other, they could... catch up more regularly. It works well, so well that when Anakin sends him a message to tell him that yes, he’s on Coruscant for one rotation, but don’t expect anything from me Obi-Wan, I’m sick, cold, feverish, miserable and absolutely not in the mood, Obi-Wan shows up with medicine and his favourite pastries, before spending the night checking his temperature and fussing over his eating habits. No one has ever taken care of him like that since his mom.

The same night, the news report another great victory for the Republic thanks to the famous Negotiator, and Anakin snorts, says that it’s a very dumb nickname, and what’s his name again? Ben or something? but each time the reporter says his full name Anakin sneezes and each time there is footage of Obi-Wan on screen Anakin goes to the fresher, and Obi-Wan probably thinks he’s the stupidest person in the galaxy and he loves him so much.

Obi-Wan knows he should question Anakin about why he’s always showing up not too far from shady businesses and galaxy-wide conflicts, but Anakin can be very distracting, and his job is not something Obi-Wan wants to know too much about. After all, not talking about the contraband and the flagrant illegality of it all makes it easier to turn a blind eye to it. 

And as you say, the day comes when they finally meet as Jedi and Sith in a real battle, and after a few minutes of “you’re a Sith?” “You’re the famous Jedi who leads half of the Republic’s fleet and you never told me?? I thought you were spending more time teaching at the Temple or gathering old and boring archive files!” “Excuse me, YOU’RE A SITH.” I like to imagine a long fight scene à la Mr and Mrs Smith, with a lot of dirty moves and a lot of “so that time you said you couldn’t see me because you were busy with a large delivery on a sector suspiciously close to Separatist space...?” “yeah, I was picking up one of Grievous’ platoon.” “...I can’t believe I introduced you to my padawan!”

They’re both angry and betrayed, and it ends up with both of them tired, panting, sabers right next to each other’s neck, waiting. After a few seconds, Obi-Wan shakes his head, lowers his blade and says that he won’t do it. He can’t. It pisses Anakin off, but nothing he says (yells furiously at him) can wipe out his sad smile and the tenderness in his eyes, and Anakin breaks.  

They end up fucking again. There are... way too many feelings involved here to be as casual as they pretended until now. “We shouldn’t,” Anakin says quietly, after, both of them still entangled in each other, unwilling to let go.“You shouldn’t. I’m a Sith.” “Now you tell me.” It makes him laugh for a second. 

Now, what’s the ending of this story? Does Anakin tell Obi-Wan that this is just this one time, and next time he will definitely kill him, whatever happens? Does Obi-Wan sees right through him and knows that he’s on the edge of a breakdown, that there must be a reason for Anakin to do all of this, pleading for him to “talk to me, dearest, why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you let me help, Anakin?” even when they’re both in the middle of a battle, and it justs breaks Anakin a bit more each time?

Or does Anakin explain everything to him right away, and Obi-Wan convinces him that they will find a solution, they will save his mother and stop Sidious, but for now, he has to pretend to remain a loyal Sith? To play it safe, give them time to figure out how to rescue Shmi and stop Sidious? 

 I’m 100% invested now, you should definitely consider writing this fic because it’s an amazing AU! (with or without the ideas I threw here, I was just really into it) 

[anisstories]

I Don't Want This

Chapter 5

His Place

The ride to his home was a quiet one. When he parked his car he saw something he truly didn’t want to. Padme standing there. In front of his house. SHIT! What’s she doing here? If she sees Y/N she’s gonna flip out. What should I do? FUCK! “Y/N!” Anakin whisper-yelled, causing her to wake up. “Are we here?” “Yup, but guess who’s here?” Y/N looked out the car window only to see Padme. “We have to tell her at some point, why not right now” “I told her I wouldn’t come over because I was going to the bar. I come home with her semi-drunk best friend, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan nowhere in sight. Do you want to ruin my relationship?” Anakin scolded. “Sorry, I can hide under the car seat, I think I can fit.” and she started to squeeze herself in. When Anakin turned back around he saw that the seat was too low and that her chest was visible. Every other part of her fit, except her damn breast. Anakin got out of the car and went to where she was. “What are you doing here?” “Please forgive me.” “Huh?! What are you-” then she felt Anakin’s big hand on her breast who was carefully placing it under the seat. A whimper slipped from her lips, as her breasts were probably the most sensitive part of her body. “I don’t know if that whimper was out of pain or out of pleasure. I’m sorry if it was out of pain. But if it was out of pleasure, I’m gonna need to ask you to calm down, I know my hands work miracles but we are in a sticky situation” Anakin smirked. “I swear if I wasn’t forced to be under this damn chair, I’d fuck you,” Y/N glared then realized what she said “No, that’s not what I meant, I mean to say-” Anakin gave a knowing smile. “Maybe some other time.” “You’re so annoying!” “That’s not what you said two seconds ago,” Anakin said as he closed the car door leaving the car windows open.

“Ani!!!” Padme ran to hug Anakin. “Hey, Padme! What’s up?” Then Padme’s face changed. She was sniffing his collar. Fuck Y/N fell asleep on me, she probably smelt her perfume. “You drink too much, that's dangerous.” Padme scolded. “I’ll take it down a few notches. Thank the Maker for Y/N’s spilled drink. “Well that’s all I was here for, just wanted to make sure you came home safe. Your phone was off so I couldn’t reach you.” “Oh yeah, my battery died…” Anakin said, praying he wouldn’t be caught in his lie. “Yea, sorry about accusing you of cheating, I know you wouldn’t do that. I was just tired is all. My cab’s here, I’ll take my leave.” “Yea, see you. Text me when you get home.” Anakin yelled as Padme was running towards her cab.

Then he ran back to his car and opened the door. There Y/n could be seen trying to get herself out. “Need some help?” Anakin asked. “No shit.” Y/N was getting annoyed, it was so hot in his car and he took his sweet ass time. She’s his girlfriend but she was hot, sticky, sweaty, and felt herself falling into a drunken state, so she was irritable. “I don’t think your daddy would be proud to hear these words out your mouth.” Anakin jokes. “I’ve said worse right to his face.” Y/N laughed. Once she was out of the car she grabbed onto Anakin’s shoulders. “I don’t think I can walk.” she felt like ants were crawling in her legs. They were about to fall asleep but it wasn’t at its worst stage yet. Anakin bent down ready to pick her up bridal style. “And don’t carry me bridal style, I feel like I'm going to slip out of your hands.” Anakin grabbed her thighs and put them around his waist. “H-Hey I-I’m wearing a skirt.” Y/N stuttered. “Well, Princess, the options are bridal style, this way, or you crawl into the house. And no I’m not putting you over my shoulder. I don’t want your ass in my face.” Y/N laughed. “Okay let’s go in. Also about my ass in your face, you scared you won’t be able to control yourself? I mean it’s understandable, I have a pretty great ass.” Does alcohol make her this confident? Let me just humor her. I don't want her to start yelling because I’m being cold. “You want to test that theory?” “No, I’m okay!” Anakin laughed as he opened the house doors. What they didn’t know was that Padme had mistaken her cab and had seen the whole scene unfold.

Once they were inside he saw that everyone had fallen asleep. Owen’s car was missing so he probably spent the night at Beru's. At least Y/N won’t be scared. He chuckled at the thought. When he went to place Y/N down on the sofa he saw she was asleep. “Hey, Y/N, wake up, I need you to change so that I can wash your clothing.” Y/N woke up and said, “but I have no clothes to change into.” She pouted. “Wait here,” Anakin ran up to his room, grabbed a white sweatshirt and some basketball shorts. “Here these should fit.” Y/N grabbed the clothing, she grabbed the basketball shorts and threw them at him, “take these back, I only sleep in oversized shirts.” And then she shocked Anakin. “Help me change,” Y/N said miserably as she couldn’t unbutton her shirt. Did she just get drunk again? She was fucking sober like 5 minutes ago. “Are you gonna help me!?” she started raising her voice. Anakin, afraid that she was going to wake his mom and Cliegg, got on the sofa and started unbuttoning her shirt. The curtain was slightly open, so he looked out the window as he unbuttoned her shirt, and he saw his worst fear become reality. Padme was standing outside, in his driveway, she hadn’t seen what was going on indoors, but the tears streaming down her face showed that she saw everything that happened outside. Padme noticed Anakin had seen her and ran off.

Taglist

@songbirdcannabe

@blondekel77

Sorry a few issues came up so I wasn't able to upload this past week. However, they have been resolved so I'll be back to updating regularly.

[starlightkenobi]

can i get a master anakin x Padawan reader and maybe the sexual tension between them has been growing and then he finally snaps he’s like 🥺 dominant and reader has a praise kink 🥺

😩💦💦💦 hell yes, dom anakin is my SHIT ! and praise kink ? fuck. me.

a/n: im actually really proud of this and i like it a lot,,,,if yall like this maybe ill go feral and make part two 🤫😉

update: i made a part 2 ! here it is :)

My Padawan // Anakin x Reader (Part 1)

rating: explicit

warnings: dom anakin, prasie kink, some subspace although it isnt explicitly mentioned

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Anakin Skywalker. Your master, the guy you were madly in love with, the only person that you felt truly saw you. He consumed your thoughts 24/7. Some of your thoughts were innocent, while others...not so much. You were in a constant turmoil over whether you wanted his mouth to softly press against yours or to devour you in between your legs. Right now, both seemed like appealing options. You wanted to be with him, wanted to really show him how much you care for and appreciate him. However, you were unsure if he was willing to break the Jedi code for you. Maybe, you thought, you would have a chance with with him in another universe. But here, you were bound by a code both you and your crush swore not to break. Even still, you longed for Anakin in any way you could have him. You longed for him to take you, to decide what he wants to do with your body. You wanted him to absolutely destroy you and then shower you with love afterwards. How could breaking the code be so bad anyways if-

“Hello?” Your head snapped up as you were dragged from your thoughts. “I was trying to compliment you, and here you are off in a different galaxy.” Your eyes cautiously met his, apologetic and embarrassed.

“Sorry, master. You know how I can get lost in my head sometimes.” You chuckled awkwardly, hoping he couldn’t sense how desperately you were craving him right now.

“Yeah, I know all too well.” Anakin laughed and your heart practically melted. His laughter was intoxicating, and his smile could change your mood in an instant. Damn, he’s so beautiful-

“Hey!” Anakin snapped his fingers. “Don’t let me lose you again. Anyways, what I was trying to say is that you did really well today and I’m very proud of you.” You smiled and blushed.

“Thank you, master.”

“I know this mission has been very tedious and hard on you, but you’ve really impressed me with how well you’ve handled it.” You felt the heat rise in your cheeks even more somehow, and you cleared your throat. His praise would have been endearing, had it not been for the arousal stirring between your legs. You crossed them uncomfortably.

“T-thank you, master. It really was nothin-”

“I’m serious. You’ve become such a beautiful person, and I couldn’t be more proud of what you’ve accomplished. You’re going to make an incredible Jedi master someday, far better than I could ever be.” Anakin smiled genuinely, and reached out to grab your hand.

Your mouth was open slightly in shock. You had no idea how to respond or if you should just accept the compliments. The wetness you could feel gathering between your legs also wasn’t helping. “I...don’t know what to say.”

Anakin chuckled. “You don’t have to say anything.” Suddenly, Obi Wan cleared his throat from across the room, startling both of you.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I assumed that you both would like to know that we’re almost back to Coruscant.” Obi Wan looked between you and Anakin, seeing your hand held tightly in his. He gave a disapproving glare before turning on his heels and leaving the room.

You felt his grip release your hand and looked back up towards him, your eyes glassy and pleading with him, some last desperate attempt to have his hand back on yours. As much as he wanted to do much more than just hold your hand, he was bound by the code. Still, deep down you knew that he could only keep his resolve for so long. Soon enough, he was going to break.

And hopefully, soon after that, he would break you.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Again, you awoke in a sweat, desperate with your fists tangled in the sheets. You were dreaming of Anakin all over you, inside you. This wasn’t something new to you. You were used to the fragmented and constantly interrupted sleep that was plagued (or blessed...yeah, you decided to go with blessed) with vivid dreams of Anakin taking you apart piece by piece. They felt too real, too tangible to be just a dream. Maybe they were visions, you pondered. Then again, maybe that was just the hopeful side of your brain taking over. It didn’t matter right now. Either way, you were stuck, alone in your bed craving a man who took an oath to never take you.

A knock on your door startled you, and you stayed silent. Who would be knocking on your door at almost three in the morning anyways? Your question was answered soon enough.

“I know you’re awake, you know. I could here your thoughts all the way from my quarters.” Anakin spoke from the other side of your door. Well, this wasn’t ideal. He was probably referring to your dream, in fact, you were sure of it. Great, so he came to reprimand you for thoughts that you not only couldn’t control, but were extremely embarrassed by.

“If you’re going to scold me, then you can just leave.” You rolled over, prepared for the sound of his footsteps getting further from your door.

“Why would I do that? You’d much rather that I praise you, isn’t that right?” Your breath caught in your throat. Scolding is one thing, but mocking you? That was just downright cruel. “I’m not mocking you, little one.” Your walls shot up, immediately guarding him from what was in your mind. In your half asleep state, they were down. Clearly that was a mistake. On another note, Anakin wasn’t mocking you. That was a surprise.

“I’m coming in.” You sat up in your bed and saw the door swing open almost impatiently, his pale skin shone in the moonlight, and you were sure yours did as well considering the sheen of sweat you were still in. His eyes sparkled with adoration or lust, you weren’t quite sure, as he made strides to sit beside you on the bed. You waited patiently for him to say something or make a move. He appeared to be pondering his words very carefully, something that he didn’t often do.

“I can sense your fear.” He brought one of his hands to rest on your thigh, a thin sheet preventing you from feeling his large hand on your skin. “Fear of what will happen if we break the code, if the council finds out.” A short, dry laugh escaped his lips as he was clearly amused with what he was about to say. “Even fear that I didn’t want you.” Your eyes widened, maybe he really did want you. “Don’t ever think for a second that I don’t want to have every inch of you, because I do.” He could see you practically melting before him with every word that tumbled from his lips. His lips, they would feel so soft and warm pressed against yours. Your composure chipped away and it took every fiber of your being to not lunge at him and kiss him passionately.

The hand that rested on your thigh traveled to your cheek, and you leaned into his palm affectionately. The relief of skin to skin contact, it was divine. You wanted more, you craved more. You would take absolutely anything he gave you. “You’re so gorgeous, padawan. My padawan.” Before you could stop it, you moaned softly. It was a moan of relief and pure bliss. His voice, his touch, it was consuming you and you couldn’t do anything but let yourself be enveloped in the feeling.

“You like that, huh padawan? You like feeling smaller than your master.” He cooed shifting his body to position himself closer to you. “Maybe you just like being called mine. Because you are. You are mine in every sense of the word. Your mind, your body, everything you are working for and everything you have been taught belongs to me.” You were slipping, deep into a head space that you couldn’t escape. You wanted to give him everything you had just so that he could take care of you. You craved that feeling of belonging to him and only him. “In the same regard, I belong to you, my padawan. As your master, it is my duty to guide you, give you everything you need.” Anakin’s breath fanned over your lips and you shuddered, opening your eyes to see him inches from your face. “Do you need me, my padawan?” You nodded, too dazed and entranced to form words. “Use your words, little one. I want to hear you say it.”

“I need you, master.” You mumbled, eyes half shut with lust.

“Good girl.” His lips crashed against yours.

[americankimchi]

ok and I GET the concept of attachments leading to vulnerability and therefore weakness but to impose that on a CHILD who so desperately needs a family, someone he could bond with, its honestly tragic. and since qui gon isnt there to do it anymore it falls on obi wan, whos basically a kid himself, whos dealt with rejection his whole life, and how can you expect him to provide anything, much less mentor a padawan?? idk i just have so many FEELINGS abt this and can’t put it into proper words lol

okay you know what i think that’s on qui gon because why!!! would you make the decision to rip a child away from his home like that so quickly!!! i get that they were making a movie and thus needed to speed things along for pacing reasons but COME ONNNNN

i feel like if it wasn’t restricted for movie reasons it would have gone down very differently. difference being: hey, maybe we don’t rip anakin away from his mom and leave not only his mom still in slavery but also punt a tiny child directly into a warzone.

hear me out

so assuming qui gon decides not to take anakin with him (at that moment in time because anakin is still going to be heading to the order just in a more meticulous fashion) right after meeting the skywalkers on tattooine, he still needs to get off planet. so he does the whole race thing yadda yadda he gets the engine and they take off

so here’s where it diverges: anakin stays on tattooine and never goes to naboo.

(bro this got so long i had to put it under a cut omfg)

but cindy!! you might say, leaving anakin on tattoine??? stuck in slavery??? how could you!!!

YES, but this is a temporary thing, just stay with me for a second

padme disagrees but relents because qui gon says he’ll come back for the boy when he’s not, you know, neck deep in the middle of tense wartime negotiations that could trigger a full scale onslaught at any moment. that’s no place to bring a small child into no matter how powerful in the force he is.

qui gon heads back to the council, gives his report, and then mentions anakin. mentions his fuckin. midichlorian count. which is still so ridiculous to me oh my god the midichlorian is the powerhouse of the force i GUESS

anyways

the council still disapproves, but qui gon makes the case that even if they don’t believe him about the chosen one thing it’s still dangerous to leave such a powerful force user out there untrained and vulnerable to the stresses and traumas of slavery. what if he turns to the dark side??? he’ll have ample reasons to if he’s stuck there, and the amount of destruction he could unleash by being untrained and powerful is unspeakable!! qui gon, being the master diplomat he is, even if he is constantly butting heads with the council, could probably convince them of the importance of at least meeting the child. hell, it’s not as if they haven’t broken people free from slavery before it’s honestly jedi basic training at this point

so the council agrees on the condition that qui gon is not allowed to personally mentor the boy because as it stands now he’s too close to the situation, too eager which honestly??? might have been a good chunk of the reason why the council was so against it in the first place. qui gon pushed for it too hard and for no real solid reason. and for fuck’s sake qui gon your padawan is right there

obi wan, awkwardly shuffling on his feet like..... yeah i’m here too master

SPEAKING OF OBI WAN

imagine how gutting it must be to hear that your master wants to get rid of you for the newer, younger model. like at this point obi wan is so used to this shit. abandonment? by qui gon??? it’s more likely than you think,

and obi wan’s ALLL ready to be like “yeah okay. i’ll just. go over here then i guess. fuck me for thinking that you respected me as a person or anything lmao right”

and qui gon’s just “ah fuck. i can’t believe i’ve done this”

anyways hand waves qui gon explaining his reasoning to obi wan and saying that he just wants to ensure that the boy gets the training he needs and obi wan understanding but asking if he really thinks he’s ready to be a knight genuinely or if he’s just saying that to get him out of the way and wow that thought actually hurt a bit lol!!! no problem though qui gon whatever you want haha i’ll just... be in pain. over here. ((:

and qui gon being like, “honestly obi wan the only reason you’re not actually knighted is because i cherish your companionship and i don’t want to let you go” because ANAKIN ISN’T THE ONLY ONE WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES CASE IN POINT: MY MANS JINN

let’s be honest obi wan could’ve been knighted ages ago. the only reason he hasn’t been is because the master dictates when that step should be taken and qui gon wasn’t ready to let his surrogate son go.

anyways RECONCILIATION WHOO kicks that insecurity off of obi wan’s already weary shoulders because that gnarly bit of tension could’ve been avoided so easily with just a simple conversation!! wow!!! communication can do wondrous things who! would! have! known!!!!!

anyways

they get to naboo. how do they beat the trade federation without anakin? the force works in mysterious ways alright it happens they win boom.

now, onto qui gon. in this au qui gon lives because of that healthy bit of communication up there that went down. see that conversation? where they affirm how important they (qui gon and obi wan) are to each other? and how that bond was repaired and confirmed between their leaving coruscant and fighting maul on naboo and thus their harmonious fighting wasn’t impaired by that underlying resentment and betrayal and tension??? TELLING YOUR KIDS THAT YOU LOVE AND RESPECT THEM CAN DO AMAZING THINGS WITH YOUR ABILITY TO COORDINATE WITH THEM IN THE FIELD IMAGINE THAT

coughs

so they fight maul and maul gets turned into maul 1 and maul 2 and qui gon almost gets got but is saved just in time by his padawan who is!! right there with him!!! because qui gon WAITS 5 SECONDS FOR HIM TO CATCH UP so they can F I G H T  T O G E T H E R. qui gon has a permanent limp and an ache in his spine that never really goes away but he’s ALIVE TO SEE THE NEXT SUNRISE BABEY

celebrations happen. and the most important bit of all here: palpatine never meets anakin on naboo.

why would he? anakin’s not fuckin there mate!!! maul wouldn’t even know anything about anakin because qui gon never bothered to take him with them to coruscant and maul was chasing the delegation from naboo, not going hunting for babies in the tatooinian sands

/kicks the palpatine was anakin’s experimental force daddy theory to the curb because. i don’t like it that’s why. suck it dickpatine.

ANAKIN NEVER MEETS PALPATINE!! ripples in the fucking pond babey

qui gon and obi wan ask a boon of padme, that boon being “hey can you give us truly disgusting amounts of money so we can go free those delightful people we had to leave behind on tatooine due to the fact that we were on a time crunch and also ripping people away from a familiar environment without a stable plan of action to provide them a better quality of life is actually called, as the professionals say, a dick move.”

and padme’s like “um fuck yeah here’s some cash let me know how this goes and give anakin and shmi my love”

SO OFF THEY GO TO TATOOINE TO FREE THE SKYWALKERS. shmi tags along to the temple because why wouldn’t she. she wants to see where her son is going to be going. she also pesters qui gon and obi wan constantly about the order and its philosophies and etc. etc. and subsequently gets a crash course in jedi doctrine that anakin also gets to sit in on and you know, educate himself on.

“we want you to know that being a jedi is a choice. being a jedi is a religion unto itself.” they say

“but it’s a set of philosophies that are meant to at its core help others live happy and free lives?” anakin (and shmi) ask

“that’s a very very very large generalization but i guess for the purposes of this conversation that could be seen as true. from a certain point of view,” they respond. qui gon then lets obi wan loose on his musings about the code because the code is simple, and complex in its simplicity, and how the beliefs of the jedi should be taken very seriously because it reflects their connection to the force and by extension the world around them etc. etc.

anakin makes it to the temple. anakin knows (at least a little) what it means to be a jedi. it’s not all light sabers and noble battles and fighting the good fight. it’s about sacrifice and humility and nobility and above all kindness and empathy and loving all things, great and small, and not letting your personal hatreds cloud your judgement even if it takes all your strength to do so

and most importantly to anakin: no attachments.

and that’s what anakin struggles with the most. that never changes. but this time shmi is there to explain it to him, and coming from shmi, the most important person in the world, makes it stick

“it doesn’t mean you love me less,” shmi explains. “it just means you don’t love everyone else less because you love me. it means not loving me to the exclusion of all else. it means love, but for everyone. for everything.”

and then the two jedi reaffirm that it’s a choice. it’s always about choice. you can’t be a jedi without choosing to be one, it’s not something that can be forced. either you believe in the lifestyle, or you don’t. simple as that.

“can i leave if i want to” anakin asks.

“yes. of course you can, any time.” qui gon responds.

“not sure why you would want to though, being a jedi is kind of super cool” obi wan adds, with a wink.

but anakin isn’t a jedi yet. he’s not even an initiate. he doesn’t want to leave his mom, not until he knows she’s safe. he wants to be a jedi he burns with the need to be a jedi, but he’s not sure if he can be a jedi. not the way that was explained to him anyways. but that’s okay because he has the time to decide!!! there are no sith lords breathing down his neck!!! he has two (2) in the flesh examples of what jedi can do, what jedi are, what they can accomplish in the world!!! most of all he has his mother there, supporting him either way!!!

maybe he does go into the order. maybe he does ultimately choose that life for himself. maybe he does manage to untangle himself from the snarls of attachment and apply himself wholeheartedly to the ways of the jedi. he might even succeed this time since palpatine has no fucking CLUE anakin’s even there!!! he’s not nine years old and freshly braided and attached at the hip to a mourning brand new knight, he’s nine years old and trying to figure out how the fuck you levitate off the ground with your legs crossed under you while his crechemates balance things onto his nose!!!

and you know what!! maybe he chooses to leave the order because it’s not for him, but this time he’s got enough stability in his life, in the way that he manages and examines his feelings, that he’s not a threat to himself and those he loves. maybe he becomes a mechanic and lives a nice, simple life with his aging mother and becomes penpals with a pretty girl from naboo. WHO KNOWWWSSS

and that’s important for anakin: knowing that it’s always a choice always his choice and that he never has to have anyone tell him who he can and cannot be because he is his own master now he has full autonomy and the jedi cannot and will not take that away from him

this got so long oh my god i just have so many THOUGHTS

qui gon taking anakin like that in tpm was such a rushed decision my man can you CHILL AND THINK

anyways,,,,, that’s all thank u for coming with me on this journey,,,,,,,

[phoenixyfriend]

Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox

Okay so since nobody’s suggested a fic under these terms, I ended up expanding on this post on discord and things snowballed. We kept to the basics of the entire plot revolving around Rey really hating her grandad and leveraging her blood relation to not be unalived about it.

With contributions by @atagotiak​, @dracothulhu​, @thepallaspalace​, and several others. The title comes from @gelpenss​.

The basic thing I absolutely need is this: Rey gets thrown back to the middle of the clone wars, and the subsequent plot leans in really heavily on her being, genetically-via-clone-dad, the daughter of the guy running the entire galaxy.

Nobody knows what to do with her.

The timing is mid-TCW for the past (because I want Ahsoka there) and vaguely between Episodes 8 and 9 because I... never watched E9 and don’t want to worry about the timeline. The only things that matter is that Luke is dead (he can die as he did in canon) and that Rey knows she’s Palp’s granddaughter (not the way she does in canon).

We'll say Luke found out from Anakin's panicked force-ghost and just went "well, fuck, okay, I should tell her this before she ends up in a situation like mine and finds out mid-battle or something."

Luke, prior to time-travel: Okay, so, now that I'm dead I know some things I didn't before. Like who your parents were. In the interest of full disclosure because I was in a very similar situation and I don't want you learning the way I did, I'm just going to come right out and say that your father was a clone was Sheev Palpatine. Rey: ... Luke: Are you okay? Rey: I don't know who that is.

(She grew up on Jakku, the history education was a little subpar.)

Setting The Scene

Imagine Rey showing up during or immediately before the clone wars. There’s this phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater who tells you that if you ran a paternity test, it would probably pop up the Chancellor. She may or may not bring up cloning. She accuses said Chancellor of being a Sith Lord.

Your other phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater, who may not be a teenager anymore but only barely, is very offended by this because Palpatine’s a Very Nice Old Grandfather Figure, but also he’s a little full of side-eye because if the blood test comes back as proof, then Palpatine had a kid and didn’t even know about them, or lied to Anakin, and that’s! Bad! Family’s important!!!

Palpatine hears about this daughter he apparently? Has? And is very confused because the timing doesn’t match up with ANYTHING he was doing, so the kid isn’t natural, and he says as much. (There is an explanation! It’s not a correct explanation, but he does come up with one.)

Finn and Poe and BB-8 all get dragged along because why not have the gang there? Nobody that’s already born, because [handwave] conservation of souls or something, IDK, point is the only person dragged along that’s even remotely close to already existing is Luke’s Force Ghost, who mostly hangs around begging Rey to be less impulsive. Finn is good because he is a nice polite boy, but for actual useful information they need Poe. The unfortunate situation is that the three do not land together. They land at the same time, in completely different corners of the galaxy. This means that nobody is there to curb Rey being her most impulsive self.

Time travel Rey knows two things. Luke’s dad ends up evil. Palpatine has always been evil.

She can solve one of these problems by killing the other, yes?

Rey: Ready to Rumble

See, the initial idea was this: Rey tried to break into the senate to kill Palpatine, got arrested, and then used the "he's biologically my father" card to get out of jail free. (Force Ghost Luke follows her like “please take five seconds to think this through.”)

But.

But.

It would be very, very, very funny if The Force just dumps her in a flash of light in the senate building and she just attacks Gramps on sight. Just a shouted "YOU!" and no-hesitation attempted murder.

Palpatine has no idea what's going on.

Rey took maybe two seconds to get identity confirmation and then started swinging.

[Image Description: An individual in a green metal helmet with an eye slit, holding a pistol. In the upper left, upper right, and lower middle are the phrases “I do not know who I am...” “I don’t know why I’m here” and “All I know is that I must kill.” End description.]

Of course, she gets arrested. There are Master Jedi in the Senate. There are Clone Troopers. Palpatine isn’t the weak old man he pretends to be. Of course she’s stopped.

But she isn’t executed in time for Palpatine to stop her from ruining his entire reputation.

Immediately after Rey fails to kill her Shitty Granddad, Luke's ghost shows up and begs her to not talk about the Sith thing because it will completely undermine everything she's trying to do. Pass off the attempted murder as something else!

Rey, panicking: "that fucker left me on a desert planet for 10 years!" "You owe me 19 years of child support you son of a Hutt!"

The Jedi have to do the investigation, because the girl showed up with a laser sword, and the conversation is, uh... interesting. (“Where did you get that lightsaber?” “I got it from a mysterious old pirate lady I never met before. I don't know, I was being shown around by a smuggler and a Wookie.”)

Interviewer: Why did you try to assassinate the Chancellor? Luke: Say it wasn't assassination. Rey: It wasn't assassination. Int: You weren't trying to kill him? Luke: Assassination has to be politically motivated. Rey: This was, um... not political. Assassination is political, right? Int: You mean this was personally motivated? Rey: Yes. Int: I see. What personal motivation? Luke: Jakku! Rey: He's my grandfather. Int: ... Rey: Possibly father. Nobody was very clear on that. Int: ... Luke: Tell them to run a paternity test. Rey: Oh hey, a blood test would tell us which, right? Int: ............ Rey: I spent ten years as an orphaned scrapdealer on Jakku. He's my father. I'm kind of a little angry. Int: ........... Luke: Good job, kid. You bought yourself some time. Int: I'm going to get a medic to see about that parternity test.

Obviously, it comes back positive. Congratulations, Sheev, you’re the father.

Rey comes with a ready-made built-in excuse for hating Palpatine that nobody can question or fault her for!

Rey, pouring Truth into the Force: I didn't even know I was related to the Chancellor until a few months ago, but it's his fault I grew up the way I did, and he should take some responsibility!

The entire thing is mostly kept hush hush but someone leaks it to the press and Palpatine's ratings tank.

"Chancellor, I think we'll need to waive family visitation until she wants you a little less dead." "I would like to find out why she wants me dead, and indeed, where she came from." "...sir, for your own safety--"

Who would win? A master plan years in the making spanning decades of manipulating and work? or One (1) paternity test

"Okay, so, Rey Palpat--" "Ew, no, I don't want his name." "You--okay. Sure, we can understand that. Is there a name you would prefer to put on the paperwork?" Rey, who would have gone by Skywalker in honor of Luke but can't do that when Anakin is right there and all: "Can I think about it?"

Rey: I don't know what I want my last name to be but I know I don't want his, and most of the people I’d want a name from have famous families like you... Luke's ghost, pointing out the Literal Nobody that she cares about a lot: How about Solo? Rey: ...Solo, then.

(A few months later she runs into Poe again and he offers for Finn and Rey to both take his name because honestly they need SOMETHING but at that point she’s already decided on Smuggler Dad.)

Backtrack a bit. We’ve got a bigger cast.

They all arrive separately. Poe, for one, does better than Rey, who is aiming for a murder, but not quite as well as Finn, who is currently being adopted and hidden like a secret cat by a bunch of Alpha Clones on Kamino. He vibes with the names-or-numbers thing. He doesn’t necessarily tell them where and when he’s from, but he’s very sweet and a great liar and they adopt him wholesale anyway.

The Finn situation is just... "Buir Ti, we need you to hide this man, we've decided he's our little brother but if Nala Se finds out she'll make him leave."

Of course, this leads into Shaak Ti teaching Finn how to Jedi.

Maybe consider Finn needing to almost be tricked into learning Jedi things because he willfully forgets it could apply to him. Finn does not like to think of himself as special, which is super valid, but frustrating for Shaak Ti when it comes to, you know, getting him to acquire knowledge. Finn's training at some point is "here, levitate objects with the Force to entertain the tubies." It’s a lot easier to convince him to practice when it involves the babies.

(Everyone on Kamino looked at Finn and went “oh I love him I’m keeping him and teaching him things.”)

(He’s just very lovable.)

Poe, meanwhile, buys the trust of Anakin Skywalker via R2D2 declaring BB-8 the absolute most baby of droids. R2D2 met BB-8 three hours ago but.

"Hey Obi-Wan this is Poe I met him like five days ago but R2D2 says he checks out because his droid is a baby." "That's nice, Anakin, did you know the Chancellor has a daughter who tried to assassinate him in broad daylight yesterday? Because guess who had to stop the Chancellor from getting assassinated by his daughter in broad daylight yesterday."

A summary so far:

Finn, on Kamino: Hey, um, I don't know where this is, but it's not where I was a few minutes ago. Do you think you could get me a comm? What's your name? Poe, on [dice roll] Denon: Oh, hey, you're General Skywalker? Nice to meet you, I'm so sorry about my droid, she's a little excitable and thought your R2 unit looked like a friend of hers-- Rey, on Coruscant: DIE, GRANDFATHER

Finn: [Peacefully vibing on Kamino, unaware of the chaos and bonding with the clones] Poe: [Trying to explain how he knows someone who tried to kill the chancellor and defend Rey] Rey: [Arrested for trying to kill the chancellor]

Just... just...

Anakin: Some guy ended up lost on base yesterday with his droid, how’s your day going? Obi-Wan: I had to stop someone who claims to be the chancellors daughter from murdering the chancellor after she seemingly blinked into existence in the Senate building. Poe: 😐

(Poe: Oh, so that's where Chaos^2 went.)

Poe: In her defense, she is his... well we don't know if she's his daughter or granddaughter, but she's definitely related to him, and she definitely grew up in a shitty situation that was his fault, so...

(Poe is trying very hard to explain this and not get arrested on the military base.)

As you’ve probably guessed, what's especially funny about all of this for me is the fact that Palpatine is fully aware that this girl shouldn't exist, but can't find a single piece of evidence about where she came from. He didn't start any experiments that could result in a female child, and he didn't have sex in that period of time, so where the hell--

Rey spends so much time in jail... BUT they do eventually assign her a Jedi Master. Possibly before she actually proves her evil grandfather is in fact evil. Most votes went to either Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Plo, because he’s dad-shaped, and Obi...

"Obi-Wan, you already raised one feral desert child with implausible amounts of power, you handle this." Rey in return is very "Sweet, you vaguely remind me of Master Luke," and nobody knows who the hell she's talking about. Obi-Wan is NOT on board with this plan, she'd really be better off with Plo or like........ Mace.

Reunion Tour

What I need out of this is the eventual Finn and Rey reunion scene that is just excited screaming while someone in the background explains to Shaak Ti that yes this is apparently Palpatine's terrifyingly force-sensitive daughter who hates him.

(Finn senses Rey’s approach and just. Gathers the everyone to wait. He’s just :D REY MY FRIEND REY GUYS MY FRIEND REY IS COMING.)

Anakin shows up with Poe--just a guy who signed on to the military, no big deal--and then Poe and Rey are EXCITED and everyone's just like "Cool, how do you know this literal terrorist child?" And Poe has to scramble and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh she saved my droid from a scrapheap once and BB-8 is basically my child so I owe her one."

Rey knows that Anakin ends up evil so she’s maybe not actively hostile but definitely very “I’m watching you.” That said, she vibes with him on a lot of things that he maybe doesn’t actively notice.

Rey picks up a snake, snaps off the head for venom avoidance, and starts biting off chunks. Obi-Wan's reaction: [undisguised horror] Anakin and Ahsoka: Ooh, where'd you find that? (Obi-Wan: And now I’m up to three feral children.)

What Does Palpatine Even Do?

OBVIOUSLY at a certain point, Palpatine is just phoning up every ally he has to figure out who broke protocol to synthesize a daughter for him.

So of course, Palpatine blame Plagueis.

She'd have been born five or so years before Naboo, just a few years younger than Anakin. It's such an EASY theory to build a conspiracy around. It is ENTIRELY WRONG, but it’s plausible! And anyone who might have been involved to say otherwise is probably dead!

A random bio-kid shows up you can’t possibly have contributed genes to? Maybe it’s the evil bio spark that did it.

Palpatine tries to placate her with the ‘my genes were stolen for an experiment and I didn’t know’ thing. It doesn’t work because her actual main complaint is he’s evil in her future but he tries.

It'd be a struggle to even get access to her, because of the aforementioned “maybe don’t try to talk to the daughter(?) that hates you” thing, but you know who Palpatine does have access to? The Chosen One.

Rey kind of decides on her favorites early on (she gravitates to Dad Energy and Sad Old Men so Plo and Obi-Wan are on her list, and that means decent time around Anakin and Ahsoka). It's really easy to talk Anakin into helping to some degree because "he'd like to connect to a daughter he never knew" and "a child of her power on a planet like that, you'd know her struggle, my dear boy" and so on. Anakin tries to connect! He tries to play up Sheev’s kind political work and how it can’t have really been his fault! It doesn’t work. Rey does not believe a word of it. Mostly she doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Rey's just like "...oh right, you're the melted mask that Kylo Ren was always ranting about," which means absolutely NOTHING to Anakin, but he mentions it to Palps, who loses his goddamn mind trying to figure out what she's talking about, because it also means absolutely nothing to him.

Here’s the thing: Rey’s already decided that Obi-Wan is cool, because Luke said so, and Plo Koon is dad-shaped, and she also gravitates towards earnest kindness in general, like she made friends with Finn real quick, so Ahsoka? Already getting along great.

She doesn’t dislike Anakin, really, he isn’t evil yet, he’s just... meh. She’s a little suspicious and she likes him less than the others but... Anakin.

Rey, to Anakin: You are my least favorite. Anakin, to Palpatine: YOUR DAUGHTER HATES ME???

And he goes from “she’s a lil standoffish” to “she doesn’t like me” to “she hates me” as is normal for Anakin.

It’s just an escalation of this one time Palpatine wants Anakin to not have rifts and trust issues with a person, at least not until later, because he needs information.

Meanwhile, that very moment, Rey is just like "huh, nobody here is listening to me about how make a sixth-hand carburetor work, where's Luke's dad?"

Anakin is venting to Palpatine about how hard it is to talk to Rey, and she's over in the Temple just like "Hey, that guy was useful last time, I should ask him," but also she only ever thinks of him as Luke's Dad.

(At one point, Obi-Wan is having a bit of a break down, and then Anakin starts having a breakdown about that, meanwhile the clones are (badly) trying to hide Finn behind their backs, Rey is watching Ahsoka practice and being like "I want two lightsabers," and Poe is trying to keep R2 from stealing BB-8 and Force Ghost Luke is just face palming in the background.)

(Rey deserved a saber staff, maybe one that can detach and turn into a jar’kai set. Possibly a pike. Mostly I just wish she got more chances to whack things with a big stick.)

[kenmas-videogame]

Umbrella| Akaashi smau!

13. profiles / masterlist | previous |

In the mist of transferring to a new school y/n get’s dragged into being part of the volleyball team’s manager group.

“put your head on my shoulder” you hummed as you put on your coat and grabbed the umbrella that was hanging from the rack in your living room. you smiled while remembering that Akaashi had given you this umbrella a couple months ago when he walked you to the station. The umbrella was black with a blue handle and a yellow button. It was really pretty and was also very durable, many times when it rained the strong wind would hit you but the umbrella never broke.

“I’m heading out!” you informed the semi empty house hold.“hold me in your arms” you sang while locking the door. There he was akaashi was leaning on the fence while scrolling through his phone. You would have never imagined that he was capable of being so straightforward. Three months back akaashi was very timid and was also very distant, but now three months foward he was very lively and loved to laugh at everything you did.

“Akaashi!” you yelled while waving at him. He looked up from his phone, smiling at you “oh hi, you look.. amazing!” he said while rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes followed you as you walked down the steps of your home, admiring you from your head to your feet. “you look great too!”

There was a moment of silence, it wasn’t awkward silence, it was comforting. The type of silence you get when you’re at peace and relaxed. “oh, we should go!” he said while laughing. “oh you brought the umbrella I gave you! I thought you said you didn’t want it~” he teased while you both walked to the station. you took a glance at the umbrella that hanged from your wrist“I never said that! I only wanted you to take it back.. because it’s yours” you argued back. “yeah yeah..” he smiled.

The walk to the station wasn’t a long one, everything was going perfect until the station decided to close due to an accident that happened on the next town over. “wait maybe we can go through another way..” akaashi reassured you while looking at the map app on his phone. ‘fuck’ you heard him curse under his breath, it was the first time you heard him curse. It wasn’t like the guys from fukurodani weren’t fond to vulgar language, on the other hand they would curse all the time during practice.

This was different though, akaashi never saw the reason to curse, not at someone, not at something so something must have happened for him to find the need to use such language. “Is everything okay keiji?” you asked. he gasped while looking at you, he looked back at his phone while smiling as if he wasn’t just mad a couple seconds ago. “keiji huh?~ guess we’re on first names basis now.” he teased. “you always called me by my first name–“

“you’re right, It’s just that your last name was similar to someone I know and it was weird.. I apologize”

“Don’t apologize!”

“No, I have to. The roads are closed, the station is closed and it wont open for another hour or so.. I’m sorry..”

Akaashi bowed in a 90 degree angle while bystanders watched. you started to panic while you nervously laughed “hey hey! you don’t have to.. listen we can go to my favorite cafe! it’s near my home and then we can go the park!” you reassured him while patting him on his back. “are you sure?”

“yes!”

So then you guys walked to your favorite cafe, he ended up paying for your meal and also bought you dessert.

“oh look it’s a pair of swings!!” you told akaashi who was now holding the umbrella. “let’s go on them!”

you and him raced to the swings, the night was perfect, he was perfect. “look y/n, there’s some fireflies..” he said while pointing at the bugs that surrounded the swings. The night went great, by now it was 11pm and akaashi was trying to find a way to get home. “I’ll order you a taxi!” you said while taking out your wallet. “you don’t have to! I’ll walk home.. I mean after all my home is around an hour away from here.”

“That’s dangerous!”

“oh well..”

“No—“

and then it’s started to pour, you both looked at each other while laughing. The umbrella was finally going to come in handy. “well aren’t you lucky I gave you this umbrella” “shut it akaashi, it was just a coincidence.” you argued back. “so you’ll take the taxi now..?” “fine.”

you both started to walk back to your home, the thing the umbrella was resistant against was the thing that ended up destroying it. Akaashi’s your umbrella had broken, and it was being dragged away by the wind. Both you and akaashi chased after it, getting drenched by the raging drops of rain that covered the city.

“look it broke, our umbrella broke..” he replied whil picking up the heavily damaged umbrella.

“our umbrella?”

“yeah, Hmmh..” you laughed at his silliness while you took it away.

“well it’s time to say bye to your umbrella..” you said while walking towards the trash can that stood in the middle of the sidewalk.

“no, let me keep it..” he responded while tugging it in his direction.

“why?”

“because it’s ours..”

“what?”

“ours.”

“but it’s yours—“

and then everything happened fast, you don’t know what happened all you knew was that you could feel butterflies and you could see the sparks. Your vision was blurry, ans your thoughts were fuzzy. Nothing was there at that moment. It was just him, the rain, and you. you were both the stars of the cliché movie that played in theaters.

a kiss in the rain

“go out with me...please.”

rain

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and that’s wrap! umbrella is officially over! I’m currently thinking about doing a kageyama smau! but right now that is in the drafts! Thank you all for supporting this smau that started off as something that i thought of while it rained.